Chapter Text
If she would be honest, Anivia did not like to deal with the Ecclesiarchy either.
She had been thoroughly of noble blood. She had never paid attention to where her food came from or what clothing she was going to wear. Whenever she wanted something, all she had to do was to say the words and people would bring it to her.
People of faith rarely responded well to people like Anivia—unless they were corrupt, in which case Anivia did not respond well to them.
Still, she had to do what she had to do. She sent out astropathic messages to gather missionaries from all the major sects.
If she was going to succeed, or at least not fail catastrophically, she would need to involve actual priests in every step of the way. She would need to build rapport with the Ecclesiarchy.
Before any priest had had the chance to answer Anivia’s call, however, something happened. Something that would change it all forever.
“We plan to stop at the hub-fortress Sattrochol in about 6 standard hours,” Guilliman said as he entered Anivia’s study. “The astropaths are having trouble getting messages out. The navigators would like to conduct further investigation out of the warp.”
Anivia looked up from her book and nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“The choiremaster couldn’t confirm that any of our messages to the Ecclesiarchy was successful, but our message to Sattrochol was. They informed us that the Sisters of the Void have been stationed there for over a century and they would like to meet you. Have you interacted with their order before?”
Anivia shook her head, “I know that they are an all-female cult of the Ecclesiarchy that focuses on void rescues. They don’t operate near Terra and I haven’t been on any void travel before this one. That said, I believe they interact with Navy and tithe ships often. It makes sense that they will know of me.”
Guilliman had more to say but he paused for a moment.
Anivia was sitting at her desk with a book in her hand, which she had not yet closed. Dragory was the guard of choice today and the only other person in the room. He had been standing, leaning against a wall with his own reading material in his hands. He had saluted Guilliman silently when he entered but had not paid much attention to their conversation.
“Is there any cause for concern, my lord?” Asked Anivia.
“Nothing concrete,” replied Guilliman truthfully, “Commander Aphone of the Sisters of Silence holds the Sisters of the Void in high regard. But something seems odd to me. Their sudden interest in you. The fact that no other messages got out except for this one.”
“Hmm,” Anivia made a thinking noise but did not offer anything else.
“Do you suspect something nefarious, my lord?” Dragory chimed in.
Guilliman looked at him for a moment and looked back at Anivia. Her expression hadn’t changed, but something seemed off.
… it was easier than pretending I could see, which I also had to do for a period of time…
Guilliman suddenly shifted sideways, yet Anivia stayed perfectly still.
“What happened to your eyes?” He asked.
Before Anivia had a chance to respond, Guilliman turned to Dragory and commanded, “how long has she been like this? What happened? Why didn’t you request medicae? Why didn’t you report it?”
He was getting angrier as he spoke. Dragory threw up his hands in a gesture of defeat, “today is day 5. I don’t know what happened. I’ve been commanded to help my lord hide this, though for the record I did object.”
“Don’t blame Dragory. He’s only following orders,” said Anivia calmly.
“Right. Your orders. So I really should ask you this question.” Guilliman’s voice boomed in the study, “You’ve gone blind and your solution is to hide it? Are you out of your mind?”
“No. I did not inform medicae because I know they won’t be able to help. I’m managing well so far and I do not see a reason for spreading panic.” Anivia said with an unusually stern tone, “thus I’ll have to ask you to lower your voice, Lord Commander.”
Objectively speaking, Guilliman knew she was right. The fact that she had managed to hide it for five days attested to her claim that she was managing well. If the blindness was psychic in nature—which seemed to be the case—then the best strategy was to raise this issue after they transitioned out of the warp rather than before.
Yet reasons aside, Guilliman struggled to even comprehend the situation. They had not yet reached Ultramar and the Lord Regent of the Imperium had gone blind. And then she decided to elicit the help of a psyker so she could hide it from everyone else.
“Is this why Dragory was chosen for the past five days?”
A voice appeared at the door. Anivia froze. For the first time in a long time, she seemed genuinely lost for words.
“Captain,” Dragory bowed his head. He had wanted someone to talk some sense into Anivia. Between the two candidates before him, though, he much preferred Guilliman.
Valoris gave Dragory a cold glance that made the latter instinctively reach for his weapon lock, but he simply walked past him.
He is standing right in front of you, Dragory psychically told his lord, though he wasn’t sure if this was helpful.
“I’m sorry,” Anivia said dryly.
“And what do I have use of that for?” Valoris asked calmly. Valoris had three kinds of calmness—hollow-calm, actual-calm, and rage-calm—and Anivia had begun to be able to distinguish between them. There was no doubt that he was in the third mode right now.
“It’s not permanent—I think,” Anivia offered.
“That’s a relief,” he did not sound relieved. “I will not have to panic.”
Anivia opened her mouth but no sound escaped her. She finally realized what she had done.
If it wasn’t for Guilliman telling her about Valoris, she would not have understood his reaction. She was safe. She was able to carry out her duties without interruption. She had a plan to deal with her ailment. She wouldn’t have understood how he could be upset about it.
But he, of course, was not thinking about the Imperium. He had been by her side all these years and he had done all he could to get close to her. He had followed every order she’d given. He had played his role so flawlessly. Yet it was, evidently, still not enough.
He remembered that look in Valerian’s eyes all those years ago when he refused to give him answers. Anivia had explained everything to Valerian in his stead. He needs to understand you, she had said.
Did Valerian feel something similar to what he was feeling now? Why didn’t Anivia notice him like she did Valerian? Did he not need to understand her just like how Valerian needed to understand him?
He had promised himself a chance, yet he realized just now that that was never his call to make.
He was simply not enough.
Anivia reached out with one hand and Valoris instinctively caught it. He was wearing a gauntlet which made his hand appear even bigger in comparison to hers. Anivia held on to one of his fingers.
“What do you need?” He asked. His voice was tense and he was barely holding himself together. But if the best he could be was a tool, he would be that tool. He would give his everything even when it was not enough. He would obey.
“You,” Anivia said simply.
Valoris blinked. For a moment, his mind was entirely empty. He almost couldn’t believe his ears.
Then he looked down and saw that she was…sad. He had never seen Anivia sad before. She had a slight frown and her unfocused eyes stared through his body. He knew she couldn’t see, but it was as if she couldn’t stop herself from searching.
What was she looking for?
You, she had said.
“I’m sorry,” Anivia apologized again and held Valoris’s hand to her forehead. She closed her eyes and said with a sad smile, “only two weeks ago I promised myself that I’d treat you better. Look what I’d done now.”
Her sadness broke something inside Valoris he didn’t even know he had. All of the flames that had begun to burn up his bones had ceased. All of his rage had disappeared. He didn’t care about himself anymore. He should never have cared. If he wasn’t enough, it was his own shortcoming. Now he had made it worse.
“You don’t need to…treat me well, my lord.” Valoris managed to squeeze these words out of himself. It might have been the first time he had called her his lord.
Anivia pulled his hand closer and hugged it.
“I’m going to make it okay.” She promised in a whisper.