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Chapter Text

Between the joyous screeching of unattended children and a heater working overtime in the warmest parts of autumn, the atmosphere of the pizza parlor arcade was as overstimulating as it was stifling. As the Kidz-Bop version of last year's pop song of the summer blared over the worn-out speakers, the smell of greasy pizza had my stomach roiling from more than just nervous anticipation of an unpleasant conversation.

I was seated in an oversized booth, sandwiched by seasoned police captain Marian Hawke on on one side, and celebrity author Varric Tethras on the other. Their combined presence brought me enough comfort that I didn’t immediately grab Franny and peel out on a one-way ticket to the other side of the continent. I wouldn’t have gotten far between Marian’s outstretched arm across my hunched shoulders and Varric’s hand holding mine under the booth’s table. They had both dropped everything when they answered my frantic SOS call three weeks ago. Within 24 hours they were at my apartment helping me pick up the pieces of my shattered, shell-shocked psyche. They hadn’t left since.

On the other side of the table sat Dr. Emmrich Volkarin, Chief of Mourn Watch Memorial’s Oncology and Hospice Division. At his side was Dr. Solas Lavellan, a face I recognized from his picture in the front office of the fertility clinic.

“Let me get this right…” Marian’s smile was a prowling tiger pacing the bars of its enclosure. Her voice, barbed with mocking sarcasm, raked the men sitting opposite her with unsheathed claws, and a gaze that was downright terrifying. “Your clinic fucked up. Big time. Now you want to do some damage control.”

Emmrich shifted uncomfortably from Marian’s threat but Solas only smiled wider in challenge.

“And the best you could come up with was throwing money at the problem so it will go away, right?” Marian bristled, zeroing in on him. “Sweep it under the rug now that she’s got an unintended bun in the oven?”

“Two…two buns.” I hoarsley croaked out. I blinked hard to quell tears of helplessness, still reeling by the past few weeks of horrific waiting.

“Ah, yes. Thank you, Evvy-darling.” Her voice turned cheery, but I could still feel the fraying threads of trust strained between us, alongside a lingering aftertaste of betrayal from my secret-keeping. “How could I possibly forget. Two buns in her oven where none should be. Shall I call upon Varric to drag out his proverbial shotgun and coerce an offer of marriage?”

“Hawke.” Varric tutted, chastising his partner of twelve years with his trademark patented ‘cut the shit’ tone. “Let the man finish before you throw his words back in his face. It builds the drama. You know how an audience loves to watch them squirm.”

Across the booth-turned-battlefield, the mature elf’s expression morphed from openness into one of confident amusement, the only tell that he was enjoying the tête-à-tête.

“Yes. There was indeed an unintended consequence.” His eyes brimmed with an intellect that was as foreboding as it was omniscient. “Such an outcome resulted from an unanticipated error by one of my staff. They have since faced corrective action. Extra security precautions have been put into place, lest such another unwanted incident occur.”

Varric’s body posture remained loose, but as he turned his eyes to Marian his voice held a note of laughter. “I don’t like his tone one bit, Hawke.”

Marian’s answering grin turned smug. “You hear the smarmy undercurrent in his voice too?”

“Mmhmm…” Varric nodded slowly, playing into the routine they had perfected over their years together. “And how it sounds he is trying to weasel out of accountability?”

Varric pulled out the little black book he kept in his jacket pocket. He began scribbling furiously in that backwards handwriting of his I could never make out clearly.

“This isn’t the first time one of your clinics is in hot water.” His gaze snapped back to meet Solas’ probing one with a predatory smile that was all secrets. “You have a history of luring in the most interesting group of donors into your web of genetic progress. Offering them a sliding scale of sums based upon age, health history, intelligence, and magical lineage.”

“Did I miss anything else, Hawke?” Varric’s tone was somehow mirthful as a warm hug and chilling as a bucket of ice water.

“Oh, dear.” Hawke rounded after him, carrying on with that delightful fucked-up sense of humor that was all her own. “You forgot that he preys on the most vulnerable. The kind of women who’d chew their leg off for that kind of money. Who wouldn’t ask questions. Who’d sign on any dotted line.”

“Ah. Can’t forget that.” Varric nodded, and scribbled down another note. “Gotta get all the details just right to write this shit up. Do you think we should publish it in Minrathous, or here in Nevarra city?”

Hawke laughed, a pleasant little trill that sent goosebumps down my spine.

“My, my, Mr. Tethras…”Her honeyed voice dripped with faux surprise as she continued. “Sounds to me like he’d give those Tevinter magisters a run for their money.”

Varric countered. “Or he has his hands in their money.”

Solas’ posture straightened to his full height as he steepled his hands. “You’ve done your research, Tethras.”

“You’ve hurt my girls.” Varric continued to smile jovially, but his tone held that quiet furious rage he reserved when he was broiling on the inside. “That doesn’t sit well with me and mine, Dreadwolf. That’s what they called you at your last clinic, wasn’t it?”

“Very good research, it seems.” Solas’ face fell into a displeased frown.

“And voila! The real Dr. Lavellan appears from behind the curtain.” Marian Hawke mocked, leaning back to take Solas in now his genial mask fell away.

“I assure you, I have always presented myself in a forthright manner.”

Marian fist banged onto the table with a sudden ferocity that had me gasping out a breathy little shriek.

“I don’t like you.” She growled. “You carry the vibe of a used car salesman about to mark up a lemon for twice its worth.”

Solas tilted his head and smiled in a serene, placating way, but it didn't reach his eyes.

“Do you always initiate interrogations this way? Employing the gavel of brute force and anxious fear to coerce the supposed guilty into confessions?”

“Like that.” Marian audibly ground her teeth. “From the moment I set eyes on you my skin has been crawling. And the second you opened your mouth you started twisting things. As if this was some small miscommunication. A trifling matter, like someone gave her the wrong meal at a restaurant. Rather than the compounding trauma upon trauma of her being knocked up without expressed consent. We have a word for that.”

“A word that has people locked up behind bars.” Varric was staring Solas down like he owed him money in a card game gone sour.

“It’s four letters. Begins with a R.” Hawke sneered. She continued in a lilting, singsong voice that didn’t match her murderous expression. “I’ll give you three guesses. The first two don’t count.”

It was then I noticed Dr. Volkarin was staring at me, his eyes raking over my features like he was memorizing a map before a road trip.

I could feel the weight of Marian’s glare when she noticed us looking at each other.

“Wanna take a picture, gramps?” She hissed out snidely. “It will last longer than you if you don’t stop gawking at her.”

Emmrich fell open in shock at being addressed so crudely. “Pardon?”

“It’s. Rude. To. Stare.”

Emmrich grimaced, but offered nothing unkind in return than an offended huff of derision.

“Well, not that I haven’t enjoyed our conversation thus far…” Solas brokered as his observant eyes tracked to me like a hunting dog sighting a wounded rabbit in the brush.

“The reason for our meeting at this–” He cast his eyes around with a slight curl of displeasure at the corners of his mouth. “Delightful location was to discuss the plans for the interested parties going forward. Dr. Volkarin and I had already met previously, and came to an agreed upon selection of options available to you, Miss Ingellvar.”

“Oh…?” I asked woodenly, feeling as if I was floating and merely puppeting my body rather than existing in it.

“The most desirable outcome for our party, in light of the events that transpired, is that you would act as a gestational surrogate. Upon successful delivery, you would relinquish them into the care of Dr. Volkarin.” Solas presented logically as if he was discussing different types of toppings for ice cream and not a life-altering undertaking.

His eyes crinkled a bit at the edges as his watchful, assessing gaze picked apart my frozen deer-in-the-headlights expression. “Or, if you are unwilling to do so, Dr. Volkarin has agreed to the termination of the implanted embryos with no further legal proceedings. By all rights, this was a very gracious consideration on his part, because the binding stipulations on the original contract from six years ago and the the renewal you signed four months ago–”

“You finish that threat and I’ll knock your teeth out.” Marian audibly growled next to me, withdrawing her arm from around my neck to cross them across her heaving chest. By her breathing, she was barely restraining herself from launching across the table and starting a barroom brawl.

“Hawke…” Varric warned, sensing the storm. “Watch yourself. You need to set a good example for Franny. The last thing she needs is to watch someone get dragged out of here on a stretcher.”

“There won’t be anything left to drag out.” Marian promised ominously.

“Would you consider carrying the fetuses to term? That would be desirable, both accounting for resources already used and opportunity cost.” Solas continued, ignoring everyone else and focusing his sole attention on me. “Ideally, that would be the most beneficial and logical outcome for both parties. You would receive double the previously agreed financial compensation that was outlined. In exchange to agreeing to new guidelines, a paternity test, and moral code of conduct–”

Marian answered before I could blink. “She isn’t agreeing to fuck all. Verbally, or otherwise.”

Solas met her with a look chiseled with superiority and cunning.

“I believe that is up to Miss Ingellvar.”

Then he reached in his briefcase and pushed a stack of legal documents towards me.

“Ah-ah-ah.” Varric shook his head and pulled them out of my reach. “I don’t think so, Chuckles. I’m here for more than just moral support.”

“Hell yeah, he is.” Marian glowered. “He can read like a son-of-a-bitch.”

Once he pulled out his reading glasses, Varric began combing over the papers with a fine tooth comb. He paused periodically with various grumbles, underlining phrases, circling words, and crossing entire sections out.

“See this here, babe?” Varric pointed to a particular section. “He thinks we can’t read it if it's legal-ease.”

“That sneaky fucker.” Marian agreed supportively, as if she had any idea what the passage said with her 4th grade reading level.

As the minutes ticked by, my nervous energy only compounded. I could feel my anxious heartbeat along my temples. It became increasingly harder to breathe as my eyes scanned the arcade floor without finding Franny.

“I-need-some-air.” I hyperventilated, panic gripping my chest and squeezing so hard I felt my lungs would pop out my throat.

I shimmed out from my spot between the bad cop-bad cop duo, scurrying up and hoisting myself out of the high-backed booth.

“Kid—”

“Evvy, baby, don’t—”

“IsaidI’mfineandIneedsomeair!” I pushed out with the last of the air in my lungs, and then landed messily on my feet on the other side. I sprinted towards the women’s restroom before feinting to the left once I reached the ticket counting machine.

Within thirty seconds I spotted my girl next to the claw machine, eyeing a stuffed golden halla.

“Franny—leaving. Now. Backpack?” My voice staccato from an overload of adrenaline and fear.

Franny turned to stare up at me with aggrieved eyes of confusion. “But I still have quarters left, Mama! Uncle Varric gave me a big baggie full of them. I shared some with Freddie but—”

“Come back. Soon. Mama isn’t feeling good.”

Franny’s face fell further. “Mama? You said you felt better! That your back stopped—”

“Franny, please…we have to go. Right now. We can’t wait.”

I was already ten steps ahead. If we left right now we could pack a go-bag and catch a red eye to Minrathous. My former foster-sister Neve’s apartment might be shitty, and in a worse neighborhood than our current one, but her door in Docktown was alway open. She could hide us long enough for the world to make sense again. She lose another leg than sell us out to anyone, no matter how much money they offered.

Franny’s lip wobbled treacherously as she stared up at me.

“We’re gonna run again, aren’t we?”

I met her wide-eyed, earnest look of disappointment with a matching one.

“You promised!” Franny accused, her face crumpling in hurt. Then she threw herself at me, pummeling me with her tiny fists. “You said we’d stay. That we’d stay for a long time.”

“I know, baby.” I agreed, feeling like an absolute failure. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Mama made…a bad choice in coming here. We should have stayed in Kirkwall.”

Franny’s voice was thick from tears. “Can we go home with Aunt Marian and Uncle Varric?”

“No, baby.” I answered honestly, refusing the easy lie. “I wish we could, but that’d be the first place they look.”

That was when the water works really started. Franny started wailing. So shrill and loud every adult in the room heads swiveled to us. Once she got a tantrum started, the best thing was to let her tire herself out. Though my back screamed at me for it, I picked her up and cradled her against me. In response, she suction-cupped herself to me like a drunk octopus. After a few desperate seconds of looking, I finally scouted her backpack a few steps away. With Franny on one hip and her bag on the other, I started for the exit.

“Wait!” The good doctor’s voice called out, five paces from escape. When I turned aggressively towards him like a cornered animal he held up his hands in a universal gesture of harmlessness. “Please. Let us speak alone. No lawyers, no hidden agendas—parent to parent. This whole mess has been bungled since the conception of—”

“Ha.” I interrupted mirthlessly, casting my most petulant glare at him. “Real comedy gold with that word choice you got there.”

Emmrich raked a hand over his beleaguered face and then up into his hair. “We have gotten off on the wrong foot. The past few weeks have continued to spiral well out of hand.”

“Mama, can I give my quarters to Freddie before we leave?” Franny, sniffled against my shoulder. “Somebody should have fun with them.”

“No, baby. We are leaving.” I answered cagily, keeping my eyes trained on Emmrich as I angled myself towards the door.

“But I wanted to say bye!” Franny whined.

“Fran?!” A little boy with raven black hair and lavender eyes raced towards me like a bat out of hell. Emmrich grabbed him before he could reach me. He scrabbled at his father’s hold, scratching at him in his attempt to elope.

“Manfred, you cannot–”

“Franny, say goodbye to your friend.” I added in a rush, inching slowly toward the door.

“Fran! Stay!” Manfred cried, big fat tears trekking down his face, reaching out towards the girl in my arms like she was a life raft and he was adrift in the ocean. “No go! Noooo goooo!”

Emmrich’s eyes bugged, and shifted frantically between the two adolescents.

Franny twisted in my hold to look at him.

“Don’t cry, Freddie.” Franny turned back to me with that pleading look of hers that almost always worked. “We’ll play again, soon. Please, Mama? We can, can’t we? Say yes? Please, say yes. I don’t wanna leave…”

“I don’t think so, Franny.” I shook my head at her, knowing she meant more than just leaving the arcade. “And it’s time we head home. We have some packing to do.”

Still struggling to hold onto a raging four year old with the strength of an angry bear, Emmrich pleaded. “Please. I do not know what to say to convince you of my–sincere desperation–to be heard.”

A woman vibrating with I’ll-die-if-I-stop-moving-humminbird-energy skittered toward the middle aged man’s side in a frantic crash, and instantly started helping him wrangle the child between them.

“Ohmygods, Emmrich. I’m so, so, so sorry. He just slipped past me. I swear, I only turned my back for a second.”

Manfred turned to the elvish woman with a sour look, pointed at Franny, and then grunted wordlessly in protest as if saying do something.

While they were distracted, I took two more steps towards the exit doors.

“Mama!” Franny cried out, her voice edging towards a second wind of her tantrum. “Let me give Freddie my quarters!”

“Plea?” The little boy across from us warbled, sounding like a kicked puppy. “Fran. Fran?”

“You–Emmrich?” The woman’s mouth dropped open in shock. Then she giggled even as the boy struggled in her hold. “Did you hear that?”

“Indeed.” Emmrich’s eager, hope-filled eyes darted between my face and Franny’s. “I very much heard it. Furthermore, I would love to discuss its significance more with the woman of the hour, should she grant such a generous favor upon one as undeserving of it as myself.”

“Oh-please, oh-please!” The woman begged, scrunching down to pull the little boy into her lap. “If we all calm down, maybe we play some more arcade games. You wanted to ride that roller-coaster game, right Manfred?”

Manfred grunted, but I couldn’t tell if it was in the affirmative or the negative.

Franny nuzzled against me like a cat, her voice pleading. “Please, Mama? I don’t wanna leave yet. And I didn’t get to say thank you to Uncle Varric.”

My anxious lavender eyes cycled between the four people waiting on my answer as a silent hush stretched. After a moment too long to be polite, I set Franny down. When she scampered away with Manfred trailing close behind her the other woman flashed a grateful smile at me before following after them.

“Thank you.” Emmrich nodded graciously, straightening his mussed button-down shirt. “I appreciate that you would allow a second chance to–”

“You have ten minutes. Ten minutes before I take my daughter and we are on a one-way ticket out of this city.” I vowed, hoping I gave off confidence, rather than the image of a wounded deer circled by hungry wolves. “We could disappear so quick.You would never find us. Franny and I—we’ve already done it once and we’ll do it again if we have to.”

A look of panic eked out across Emmrich’s face. “Please, there is no need to–”

I advanced on him, poking a threatening finger into his chest above his heart. “You can tell that Solas guy to shove it where-the-sun-doesn’t-shine if you think you all can threaten me into what you want. I might be poor but I’m not stupid.”

“I-I never said you were stupid?” Emmrich backtracked, placing a comforting hand on mine. His eyes took on an unfamiliar emotion I could not identify, but some of the churning fear that had raged for weeks calmed, even if for just a moment.

“Please. Let us find somewhere to sit. Emotions have been running rather high…” He suggested, rather than commanded. “We can both keep an eye on our children, and discuss matters–as equals.”

I watched him for a moment, looking for any hint of malice, or traces of betrayal in his offer. Finding none, I nodded warily.

“Fine.”

***

“I’m surprised your wife isn’t more upset about the situation.” I stated matter-of-factly as we settled into a booth on a more deserted side of the arcade.

“My…wife?” Emmrich blinked up at me like I’d grown a second head.

“That pretty little elf following the kids around.”

“Oh—Bellara!” Emmrich gave a little laugh in relief. “Heavens, no. Though she is dear to me, she is not my wife. She is a close family friend, and former medical student. She was under my care during her rotation. We struck up quite a friendship, and stayed in touch. When my ex-wife Johanna and I had difficulty conceiving, she volunteered to act as a surrogate for us. When Johanna and I separated during our son’s infancy, she chose to remain on as a nanny for Manfred for a time. She’s quite attached to him, you see. As is he to her. She is now a behavioral psychologist at the hospital I am employed by.”

“That was generous of her.” I answered, my eyes traveling to her as she grinned like an idiot at the little boy holding fast to her hand. “Was she the one who was supposed to…?”

“Yes. Clearly, things did not go as planned.” Emmrich answered my unfinished thought. “She agreed to undergo such an act of selflessness once again at my earnest request. My Manfred has been quite…delayed in meeting his milestones. Very slow to talk. Prefers his own company than that of others. Certain fabrics and textures are anathema to him. His self-coping skills are underdeveloped for his age group and he—”

I crossed my arms and blew an impatient hiss out my nose. “Sounds like autism to me.”

Emmrich stopped short in surprise, before he recovered. “It is quite possible. He would require further testing to reach such a conclusion though–”

“Mmm.” I hummed noncommittally. “I clocked it in less than five minutes, but whatever. We aren’t here to talk about Manfred.”

Then I peeked at my watch. “You have 8 minutes left. Better use them wisely.”

“I understand. Let me cut to the chase, as it were.” Emmrich straightened, and posture took on a more alert, focused edge. “I am quite advanced in years. With what precious time I have remaining, I would prefer to spend enjoying my children, rather than fighting nature to bring them into fruition.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with me.” I replied, uninterested.

“This accidental conception took root on the first try.” Emmrich shook his head in wonder, fighting to keep a smile off his face.

“Elves.” I shrugged, looking at my nails. I needed to paint them again. “We are plucky like that I hear.”

“A miracle by all accounts.” Emmrich leaned in as if sharing a secret. “With Bellara, it took eight cycles before Manfred’s embryo was successfully carried to term.”

“Okay…?” I waved my hands in a what-about-it gesture. “Get another vessel? Cut your losses? Or better yet, go get a kid off the street. Why does it matter to you so much that it’s ‘yours?’ Plenty of kids wanting a home.”

“I have not been completely honest with you. No one has, thus far. Allow me to lay all my cards upon the table?” Emmrich asked, his expression pinching with an uneasy trepidation. “You deserve to not remain in the dark and walk into such a venture with eyes wide open.”

“Oh, please. I am dying from suspense.” I answered, my eyes glazing over as I checked my watch again. “You’ve got five more minutes by the way.”

Emmrich took a slow, deep, steadying breath.

“Manfred was created with your genetic material. It was I who requested another round of donated eggs for the specific purpose of attempting to give Manfred a full-blooded sibling.”

“Wait—” I sputtered, confusion and fear twisting in my gut. “Are you telling me…Manfred was my egg? How is that…possible?”

“Indeed. Johanna had no interest in harvesting her own eggs. In absence of her contribution, I put great thought into the traits I would look for in a potential donor. You fit the desirable genetic profile with astounding accuracy. So much so, I took it upon myself to make a significant donation to the clinic to reserve your genetic material for my family should a sibling for Manfred be desirable. You were mistakenly implanted with four embryos—the last surviving batch from your donation six years ago.”

“If you had embryos already then why would you…?” I asked, my mind reeling from the sudden influx of information.

Emmrich nodded gravely, answering my question with a serious solemnity. “It was I who requested the clinic recall you to obtain additional genetic material in the event it was needed. You were implanted with the embryos instead of Bellara, who was in the adjoining room while you were unconscious.”

“And now there are two of them inside me.”

“Correct.”

My eyes drifted to my girl. Bellara was bent down next to her with wide eyes as a giggling Franny whispered a secret into her ear. Manfred was waving his hands at his sides in excitement.

“So he’s made of half you and half me?”

“Indeed.” Emmrich’s neck craned to take in his son with a soft smile. “Though genetic variation might mean he is actually more than 50% of either of our genetic profiles.”

“This is…so fucked up I can’t even begin to…”

“Pardon?” Emmrich's head jerked back to me in a rush. “I don’t follow.”

“Did you honestly think I was going to be happy hearing this news?” I asked him in a tone of voice that said you’re-fucking-bonkers. “I didn’t donate my eggs out of the goodness of my heart, like that sweet simpering girl you have following you around.”

“Oh. I did not intend to offend, or further distress you.” Emmrich apologized, his tone so sincere it made something in me ache. “I’m sure your reasons were your own. I merely thought that you should be informed about–”

“I donated my eggs to get Franny and I out.” I glowered at him. The ghost of before had my feet itching to run again.

Emmrich said nothing as he watched my face. He must have found what he was looking for, because after a moment he nodded softly in understanding.

His eyes drifted back to Manfred.

“A good parent does what they must to protect their child.”

“You want to ask me if I will continue the pregnancy.”

“Ah. Yes.”

“I’m sure you’d love nothing more than for me to cave, to agree to whatever happy sentimental moment you imagined at that reveal of yours–I can’t answer you. Not now. I need to think.”

“It is a big undertaking. It is only natural you require time to…process.” Emmrich folded his hands primly in front of him. “Consider the positive and negative outcomes.”

“Everything is too much.” I admitted, surprised he was taking my answer so…patiently.

“Your spirit is unsettled.” Emmrich replied serenely, the smile he directed at me warm as it was gentle. “Shaking like the last batch of leaves, clinging resolutely as the last gasp of autumn gives way to winter.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“If I receive any more legal push back, or a contract ends up at my door—I will run. And probably terminate.”

The soft smile on Emmrich’s face froze, before he nodded solemnly in agreement.

“Your body is the temple of your spirit. You must honor both. I will respect your autonomy, even if it does not turn in my favor.” Emmrich reached into his pocket and put something into my hand. “This is my card. When you come to your own conclusion and decide what you want to do…please let me know? I leave the ball in your court, so to speak.”

I looked at it for a moment, admiring the gold etched lettering. I stuffed it into my pants pocket reluctantly.

“That’s it?”

“It is.” Emmrich answered with a deep sigh. “I never should have allowed Dr. Lavellan to lead this opening discussion meeting. Such a mistake will not be repeated in the future, I assure you of this.”

I said nothing in response. Then my eyes trail to the claw machine in the corner.

“Are you any good at those? I think Franny had her eye on that golden halla Squishmallow.”

Emmrich’s eyes squinted from how wide his answering smile lit up his face.

“If I cannot retrieve it within a few tries I will bribe an attendant.”

Chapter Text

[Seen below is a series of text messages and missed phone calls Evie received from Emmrich in her own perspective.]

Evie:

[Monday 4 pm]

hi. this is my phone number.

thanks for getting that stuffie for Franny. shes been sleeping with it every night and dragging it around everywhere.

That Doctor guy:

Oh, that is wonderful! I am so pleased she is enjoying it. It was worth every penny I used to convince the man behind the ticket booth to retrieve one from the backroom.

I must again thank you very much for allowing her to share her quarters with Manfred. He was very much taken with her, and keeps mentioning her in his conversations with Bellara and myself. Manfred has remained disinterested in playmates of his age group no matter how much we have encouraged his socialization. It speaks highly of both Francesca, and your parenting skills, that she is so willing to build friendships so easily.

Evie:

yeah. Franny is a social butterfly. she seems to like Freddie pretty good too. weve moved around a lot so shes good at finding friends wherever she goes.

That Doctor guy:

Ah. Even so, from our brief introduction, her impact on Manfred cannot be diminished. He has been animatedly asking when he might be able to play with her once again. This is a positive change from his usual behavior that has been most gratifying to observe.

Would you be amenable to such a meeting?

Evie:

Like….?

A play date?

That Doctor guy:

That sounds splendid! I was struggling to remember what such a gathering was called.

You both would be welcome to join us at ours, or we could join you at your abode?

[Monday 7 pm]

Alternatively, we could seek a neutral location to meet in the middle, as it were?

[Monday 9 pm]

I believe it would be best to find a less stimulating location for such an outing. Manfred enjoyed himself at the arcade, but I do think the environment at the height of the day proved to be too much for his nerves. Perhaps earlier in the day, or near closing might be a more prudent choice?

[Tuesday 7 am]

Upon further reflection, perhaps if the weather is fine we could visit a local park? I know of several that Manfred has frequented with Bellara. They have adequate facilities there, including seating for adults to supervise their children. She mentioned a variety of food trucks frequent the area. The likelihood they contain something Manfred and Franny would find acceptable is high.

[Tuesday 9 am]

I would also be happy to arrange a picnic lunch for us all, if that would be amenable. Are there any allergies I should be aware of?

[Tuesday 3 pm]

Putting aside leisurely concerns, would it be overstepping to inquire whether yourself, or Francesca have any medical allergies?

[Tuesday 5 pm]

I have already had Manfred tested for the usual gambit of peanuts, tree nuts, bees, eggs, penicillin, shellfish, and gluten. Would yourself or Francesca happen to have any such allergies?

[Tuesday 9 pm]

I hope you have a wonderful night and are able to get some rest.

Also, I do hope you do not feel that I am overstepping by ordering some prenatal vitamins for you. The clinic provided your address to me upon some legal documents. Should you need anything at all please feel free to call, or message me.

[Missed phone call That Doctor Guy Wednesday 8 am]

Voicemail transcript

Good morning! This is Dr. Volkarin. I have identified an allergy friendly bakery within a few miles from my house if there is a need for it. Would there be a good day for you this coming week that Manfred and Francesca could play together?

[Missed phone call That Doctor Guy Wednesday 12 pm]

Voicemail transcript

Hello, it is me, Dr. Volkarin again. I wanted to ascertain that the vitamins were delivered to your house successfully? The app tells me that they were, but I wanted to receive confirmation that they were indeed received and remained in good condition. Bellara recommended both the brand and gummy consistency should be helpful in consuming them should morning sickness be a concern.

We grew concerned by your silence that such an issue might be plaguing you since I have not heard back. I sincerely hope you are well.

Please message or call me back at your earliest convenience, if possible?

[Missed phone call That Doctor Guy Wednesday 7 pm]

Voicemail transcript

How are you feeling? I hope you are well. I know that you have not mentioned to me if you had come to a decision about the pregnancy. I completely understand the need for more time to come to such an important conclusion.

That Doctor Guy

[Thursday 9 am]

While you are still considering the positives and the negatives, would you consider taking the prenatal vitamins? Should you continue the gestation, the earliest days are important for the formation of skeletal and early organ formation. Concerns about spina bifida and other such malformations could be avoided if the mother ingests the correct level of nutrients and vitamins.

[Missed call Franny dont answer this one Thursday 8 pm]

Voicemail Transcript

I apologize that I interrupted your and Francesca’s time together by my ill-timed call earlier this evening. Manfred was quite pleased to hear her voice.

She informed me that you were indisposed at the moment and could not answer the call.

Franny dont answer this one

[Friday 3 pm]

Would you be amenable to a phone call in the next few hours?

[Missed call Franny dont answer this one Friday 8 pm]

[Missed call Franny dont answer this one Monday 6:45 am]

Voicemail transcript

Hello! This is Dr. Emmrich Volkarin, Manfred’s father—er, well you quite well know this. I was merely calling to check in on how you are feeling. I apologize if I have exceeded your patience in my communication with you.

I recognize that I have essentially “chatted your ear off” as Bellara sometimes says. It was not my intention to cause you upset or distress. I would very much appreciate it if you would return my call so I could say this to you face-to-face—er, phone to phone rather.

Goodness—Shall I call you back sometime this evening? Perhaps around seven o’clock? I work the morning shift and will be relieved roundabouts then. I would be happy to bring you dinner for both yourself and Francesca if that would be acceptable.

Please—feel free to call or text me anytime today should you need anything…or I can be of service in some way for you….I would really appreciate you returning my calls or texts.

____________________

When my phone rang again at 9am once again on Monday morning I threw my pillow across the room with a frustrated, sleep-deprived scream. I had just returned from walking Franny to school after pulling a second all-nighter finishing up a lengthy final project for my accelerated-paced English credit.

I answered the phone and hissed out an angry tirade through gritted teeth.

“Stop calling me. Stop texting me. You’ve been blowing my phone up and I’ve had it. I haven’t slept in 48 hours and I’m too tired for this—this—this nonsense! Just fucking—leave me alone! You are suffocating. Everytime I turn around you are trying to ‘check in on me,’ or asking if I got something you sent me. I’m. Grown. I can handle everything myself and I don’t need your help.”

The line was silent for a long moment before Varric chuckled.

“Wow. That’d be really convincing if I thought I was the intended recipient of that persuasive argument, kid. You practicing for the real thing, or you gonna keep simmering on that speech?”

“Varric…sorry.” My voice wobbled, and my eyes pin-pricked with hot tears of embarrassment of my latest fuck-up.

“No, please. Yell at me some more. Better all that hurt swirling inside you gets an outlet. I’m grown too. If I can handle the hurricane that is Marian when she drinks too much—I can handle a vent session from you. That’s actually why I was calling you. Want a bite to eat, kid? My treat.”

***

The deserted cafe at 10 am on a weekday was cozy. Varric sipped his second Americano of the morning with the patience of a saint, waiting me out until I was ready to talk.

“Hey, kid.” Varric prodded, testing the waters as I continued to admire the food in front of me rather than eat it. “I’ve heard I’m a pretty good listener. And I won’t even put your secrets in my next book—scouts honor.”

On any other day, I would have chuckled, and given him that smile he was after. Instead, I let out a weary sigh. Then it all started spilling out.

“I just really needed that money, Varric. I’ve been scraping pennies together to make it to the end of month as it is. That check they promised me was gonna keep us afloat until I graduated.” I pushed the pancakes around my plate, thinking about how Franny would enjoy my leftovers when she got home from school. My stomach had been angry with me the past few days and nothing looked appetizing anymore.

When I gathered the courage to meet Varric’s eyes again, the warmth and fatherly affection I found there calmed my heart enough to continue. “I made a budget spreadsheet. And there was even enough for Franny to take those ballet classes her therapist recommended.”

“Kid. Marian and I…” Varric gave me a lopsided grin that must have left a trail of broken hearts in his youth. “We’ve kept your room made up for the two of you. Just in case you needed to get back on your feet. You know we loved having you both for those months.”

“Thanks, Varric. I—we appreciate…” I blew out a breath that had been lodged in my chest. “Everything. But you and Marian deserve your quiet little love nest. We already more than abused your hospitality last time. You gave us a soft place to land while I healed. And I don’t know how I can even begin repaying both of you.”

“We mean it. Things get bad? You need a place to hide out? Come to us first. Don’t go disappearing like a thief in the night.” Varric’s eyes were shiny and his grin turned maudlin. “You’d break Marian’s heart. You remind her of Bethany, gods rest her soul. I don’t know if she would recover if something happened to you. Fleeing to Kirkwall as a refugee after losing her sister, pulling herself up by her bootstraps to join the police force only to have that madman murder her mother under her nose…? I don’t know how much more heartbreak she can take. But…I think that’s exactly why you and her understood each other in the first place. You both are survivors.”

A troubled silence stretched between us for a few moments after Varric’s hard truth. Marian’s absence at the table spoke volumes of how our relationship had deteriorated in just a few short weeks. Varric and I just stared each other down across the breakfast table, neither one knowing what to say next.

“I lied to her. To both of you.” My mouth twisted in bitter regret as I confessed, rubbing some warmth back into my hands under the table. “Said I had everything handled. That I got that scholarship. That everything was going to be fine. I wanted it to be true.”

“I know, kid.” Varric nodded, his eyes sad. “I know you wanted it to be alright.”

“I’m sorry.” I ducked my head as unwanted tears fell. “I don’t know if I’ve said that yet. Honestly, after all you both have done for me I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to me again.”

Varric laughed, but it was a sad imitation of his usual one.

“One thing that I love about Marian is that even when she’s pissed at you, she’d give you the shirt off her back. Speaking of which—” Varric dug out a box from his pocket and slid it across the table into my idle hand. “Marian confiscated this for you.”

My mouth fell open in an audible gasp of surprise.

“Those are illegal in Kirkwall. And you can’t buy them here in Nevarra either.”

“Mmhmm…” Varric sucked on his teeth in a knowing way. “And that’s a damn shame. Politicians don’t have enough to do so they start poking around in women’s private business. Makes good men like me do things to even the playing field.”

My eyes danced between his face and the pack of pills. When they misted over he grabbed my hand with a comforting, paternal touch.

“Varric…” That creeping sense of dread that threatened to drown me returned. “I don’t know what to do. I feel like all the choices in front of me are the wrong choices.”

“Listen, Ev…Completely up to you what you want to do. Marian and I—We’ll support you either way. She just wanted you to know that you have options. No one puts our girls in a corner. Whether you take these pills or not…we love you regardless. You can stay here and finish your degree, or you can come back to Kirkwall with us and figure shit out.”

***

“Hey Franny, can you go put your clothes away?” I asked through a ferocious yawn, washing the plate and fork Franny had used to polish off what remained of the pancakes for her dinner. “I did laundry today and I need you to put everything where it goes.”

“Can I finish my puzzle first?” Franny pouted on the living room floor, five feet away from the sink.

“Twenty minutes, baby. Then go put your clothes away.”

“Yes!” Franny yipped in triumph. “‘Kay, Mama. Thankies!”

“Twenty minutes.” I warned, but I couldn’t help the grin that played on my face.

When I retreated to my bedroom, and laid my head on the pillow, I felt the inevitable call of sleep already dragging me down. Hard.

“Just twenty minutes. Rest my eyes. Then I’ll get up and…get Franny in bed…” I mumbled to myself, setting an alarm to wake me up in half an hour.

I had just started to snooze when my phone screen lit the darkened room up like a firework.

“Oh, gods have mercy.” I threatened.

“Hello.” I answered ominously.

“Oh! Hello!” The man on the other end answered, his voice warring between happiness and surprise. “It’s Dr. Volkar–Emmrich. Manfred’s father.”

“Yes.” I answered grouchily, not even bothering to keep my eyes open. “I know.”

“Quite.” Emmrich answered, bamboozled from my ambiguous tone.

“What do you want?”

“Ah, to be quite frank, I did not anticipate you answering my call tonight. I…find myself quite unprepared for this outcome.”

“Should I hang up so you can leave another message?” I deadpanned.

“No!” Emmrich rushed out, “Heavens, please no!”

I giggled inappropriately, even as I recognized that my last vestige of sanity was hanging by a sleep-deprived thread.

“Well, to get to the point instead of listening to you panic…It seems to me like you’ve been doing enough talking for the both of us. Maybe you could try listening for a change?”

“I would especially love that.” I could feel his smile on the other end, even if I couldn’t see it. “I want to know how you are. What you want–”

“First, I need you to stop contacting me so damn much.” I answered brusquely, putting my foot down. “It’s overwhelming. And when I get overwhelmed, I shut down.”

“Understood. I have been told tha–”

“Second,” I interrupted, sensing the oncoming monologue and cutting it off. “I agree that Manfred and Franny spending time together would be good. As long as Franny enjoys herself, I don’t mind her having a friend in Manfred. He seems sweet.”

“He would love that–as would I.” Emmrich answered succinctly.

“Third, before I make any long term decisions about…this.’ I paused, adding emphasis to the messed up situation we found ourselves unintentionally tied up in. “We should probably have a long talk about what it would mean. Because, to be honest with you…I don’t think I could go through with this and just give them up at the end? Just walk away? That doesn’t seem realistic at all. And I need to know if you would be okay with that. You might need time to think—”

“No! No I—I do not need time to think. That is all I have been doing for the past fortnight. I would very much agree to all of it: letting you initiate more of our contact, Manfred and Francesca spending quality time together, and us discussing the options before us–as equals. A-as I said previously.”

“Good. Let’s meet…do you have a day off this week during the school day?”

“Yes! Yes, I do. Would Wednesday morning work for you? I know a fabulous Orlesian cafe on the riviera–”

“It’s a date. 11am? Brunch?”

“Absolutely! Please, my treat?”

“Fine. And Emmrich?”

“Yes?”

“Limit it to one call, or two texts a day.” I half-teased, half serious. “Any more than that and I’m likely to ghost you for days. Ask Varric.”

“Ah, thank you for the explanation.” Emmrich added as an after-thought, before he replied good naturedly. “That seems more than reason–”

“G’night.” I answered, and hung up before he could reply.

Chapter Text

At the agreed upon time, we met at the cafe Emmrich recommended overlooking the river. The sun was bright for early fall, but a cool breeze made the day perfect for the cardigan I forgot to bring.

Emmrich was already seated and waiting for me, but stood and pulled out my chair when I arrived. Once I was seated comfortably, Emmrich returned to his own seat and we perused the menu in awkward, charged silence. I noted with a twitch of a smile that the menu didn’t have any prices on it.

“Order whatever you like. This will be my treat, as an apology for being over eager to establish a connection.”

I pursed my lips, holding back my internal snarky monologue of uncharitable thoughts. “You certainly were persistent.”

Emmrich’s expression turned sheepish as he eyed me over the rim of his menu.

“Bellara mentioned that I might have come on ‘a tinsey bit strong.’ Her words, mind you.”

I chuckled to myself and exaggeratedly raised an eyebrow. “Only a tiny bit?”

“I have noticed a pattern that I often find myself running away with my feelings.” Emmrich had the decency to look embarrassed. “I was over the moon that my son showed interest in another close to his age.”

“I can understand that.” I added with more generosity than I felt. Then I shook my head admitted with brutal honesty. “I wasn't exactly in the best head-space to anticipate, or understand those feelings.”

“Bellara and I have taken him to so many soft-play groups.” Emmrich bemoaned.“He has shown zero initiative to join in with others.”

“Well, when dad wants you to do something, it isn’t fun anymore, right?” I winked good naturedly, taking a long sip of the complimentary water glasses on the table.

“I don’t follow…?” Emmrich asked, confusion evident in the way he stared at me as if I had asked him to solve an impossible riddle.

“It has to be his idea. On his terms.” I shrugged noncommittally, the logic clear as glass to me. “You can’t force it.”

Emmrich was lost for words as the waiter came to take our order.

He rallied, ordering a delightful sounding tofu dish with sautéed vegetables. Meanwhile, I ordered the most expensive-sounding thing I could find on the menu, a filet mignon smothered in shallots in a red wine sauce. If Emmrich had any thoughts about my order, he kept them to himself. Soon we found ourselves with a complimentary basket of bread in front of us, and a tangled mess of questions to be skillfully unweaved. Never one to be the first to start a difficult conversation, I turned to buttering a slice of bread to fill the awkward silence.

Emmrich added, completely unprompted, “I have noticed you completed some arduous tasks with your non-dominant hand. Is there a reason for such a thing?”

My eyes widened in shock as I took a bite of the buttered bread. The sweetness of the treat turned to ashes in my mouth. I set the remainder of the slice lightly on one of the small plates that had been provided to us.

“Nothing gets past you, huh?” I groused upon realizing I had unconsciously drawn my left arm towards myself in a self protective gesture.

I forced myself to relax, extending it away from myself again. Then I held it aloft for Emmrich’s inspection, squeezing my left hand in my best imitation of a fist. My fingers moved inward, but it was a poor effort. His eyebrows raised in a mix of curiosity and alarm.

“I’ll save you the sob story.” I interjected when I saw his mouth part in a waterfall of unspoken questions that would open old wounds I had no desire to revisit.

“I got hurt.” I breathed out through my nose slowly before I continued, my answers sharp as my brusque tone. “Had to relearn how to do some things. Like holding a fork. I’m better now. Won’t affect having kids. Probably.”

“I see.” He replied, but the glint in his eyes told me clearly he was wanting for more details.

“So, you are a doctor, right?” I asked, changing the subject and stuffing my face with the rest of my bread.

Emmrich obligingly filled the silence with chatter about his days at the hospital. He worked on nightshift most weeks. How as the co-chief over the oncology and hospice divisions he worked to ease his patients pain, prevent and treat various diseases, and in the worst cases ease patients into the fading twilight of their lives. With my near empty stomach rumbling, and no caffeination in sight after a series of sleepless nights, I found my eyes glazing over as he continued to drone about issues that I had no frame of reference for, nor the emotional bandwidth to connect with. By the time the waiter brought out our food, my interest narrowed to the delicious smelling food in front of me and little else.

“Oh my god.” I moaned around my first bite of steak. Slightly embarrassed at my outburst, which had caused Emmrich to drop his fork, I answered the questioning stare he leveled at me from across the table from me. “I think this is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

Emmrich's answering, unguarded smile brightened to encompass his whole face. A sudden, unfamiliar searing feeling inside had me averting my eyes from him back to my plate.

I felt heat on my face in response to the intensity he leveled my way. No one had ever looked at me, really looked at me, with the indomitable focus Emmrich so effortlessly awarded me from the moment we crossed paths. He looked at me like I was a mystery to be uncovered, and he was leisurely taking his time to savor the occasion.

“I’ve been craving steak lately.” I offered up, unprompted apart from the stretching silence that lingered between us. “I don’t know why. Not much of a red meat person to be honest.”

Emmrich nodded approvingly as he took a bite of an asparagus spear from his bowl.

“Your body must be craving the vitamins and minerals contained within. It’s high in b12, which is crucial for blood formation, nerve function, and brain health.”

“Huh. Neat. Didn’t know bodies knew how to do that.” I replied, skewing shallots on my fork. “Thought food cravings were all mental.”

Clearly, Emmrich mistook my politeness for genuine interest in the functioning of the inner workings of the body from the excitement that lit up his face.

“Oh, it is indeed fascinating. In some cases, the body craves the dopamine response of a food you enjoy. However, your brain also communicates with you to ask for nutrients it desires, in this particular case it is requesting the building blocks of life. Red meat also contains good deposits of Niacin, B6, and Pantothenic Acid, which is crucial for your metabolism. Your body is expanding a great deal of energy in growing two fetuses, as well as ensuring your continued health to the greatest extent.”

Emmrich perked up as another thought occurred to him as I listened patiently to his mansplaining soliloquy I did not request.

“Have you been taking the vitamins I sent you?”

“Sort of.” I answered through a mouthful of steak and shallots, savoring the delicate wine sauce. “When I remember.”

Emmrich's face fell into a concerned frown at my cagey non-answer.

“I highly encourage that you do.”

I held up my left hand as a gesture of ‘I get it, you don’t have to scold me.’

“I know, if I am to continue…this.” I paused on the added emphasis. “I need to take them so nothing bad happens to them. It’s tough for me to remember to brush my teeth, much less take medicine regularly.”

Emmrich eyed me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. After a long moment passed, he carried the conversation further.

“The vitamins are beneficial for their development, yes, but also for yourself as well. Fetuses will draw what they need from the mother. Without a continued supply of calcium they will take it from your skeleton, including your teeth. Such other instances will occur, and outcomes can be less than ideal in these circumstances.”

“My…teeth?” My fingers flew to my mouth, my heart racing as I processed his words. “They are taking calcium from my teeth? Like blood from a tick on a dog?”

“I suppose the connection between a mother and her offspring could be compared to a parasitic relationship, albeit a benevolent one.” Emmrich replied, but I could tell it strained his sensibilities to do so. “I wish to impress upon you my wish for your continued welfare beyond my own ends. If the vitamins are unsatisfactory in any way I would be more than happy to purchase a different variety for your use.”

“Now listen.” I frowned, sensing another long-winded lecture beginning to form like the oncoming migraine between my eyes. “Before you get started like a dog with a bone, what do you say we order a desert to split while I tell you how I think this should work? That Nevarran chocolate torte slice with a scoop of ice cream sounds amazing.”

Over that small plate with two spoons, we came to an arrangement: the pregnancy would continue, with the both of us vowing to be the most supportive, if reluctant, co-parents this side of the Anderfells. Emmrich would limit himself to two texts a day, barring my initiating a response or any emergencies. He was allowed to call me once in the evening hours. Franny and I would be added to his health insurance, until such a time I got a full time job with benefits, in exchange for me inviting him to all doctors appointments pertaining to our children. All four of us would continue to spend time together as long as our interactions remained amicable and beneficial for all involved.

Our lives were to remain separate for the time being, with him working full time and myself attending school. Upon a successful delivery, we would return to the drawing board of how our co-parenting journey would work. Most importantly, we agreed that there would be no contracts, or legal strings tied between us, barring the looming parenthood that awaited us. With that difficult conversation finished, and the world feeling on more solid ground, it was as if a crushing weight of uncertainty fell away between the two of us.

When we finished our meal Emmrich and I took a long walk along the river bank, chatting about everything and nothing. Though Emmrich continued to carry the conversation, I found myself smiling at the ease at which he pulled correct answers and hidden meanings from my expressions and gestures. He was very good at reading my intentions without requiring me to say anything. At some point, after Emmrich insisted I borrow his jacket, we found a bench to rest on. We spent hours watching the birds, enjoying the last dog days of summer as the weather eased into the cooler grips of fall. Before I knew it, I was cursing at my watch, realizing it was almost time to pick Franny up from school.

Upon hearing my intention to trek the long distance home, Emmrich scoffed in disbelief. “I do not wish to hear of it. I will drive you. I see no reason why you should walk when I have a perfectly working car.”

By the time Emmrich returned to my apartment building, I was certain of one thing: Emmrich Vokarin was possibly the last good man in Thedas, apart from Varric Tethras. Time would tell if that sentiment would hold true. Some small, quiet voice buried deep inside me begged for it to remain so.

Chapter Text

It was a week later, and two play dates to the park in between, that I found myself scrounging around my kitchen. My pantry cupboard was as bare as my bank account. A 6-pack of ramen, a half-empty jar of peanut butter, a singular can of corn, and two cans of chickpeas were all that stared back at me. Not accounting for the second giant jar of prenatal vitamins Emmrich had sent to my address.

“Mama?” Franny called out from the doorway of the joint living room-kitchenette. “Can we please have chicken nuggies for dinner?”

“No baby, not tonight.” I answered neutrally, attempting to keep my growing distress to myself.

Franny looked at her feet to hide her disappointment. Then she looked up at me from under her lashes, her tone half-hope.

“Maybe, to~morrow?” She sing-songed.

I bit my lip to keep it steady. The last thing in the world I wanted was for Franny to know how bad off we were. I had managed to pay this month's rent by the skin of my teeth. Afterwards, I started putting in applications like crazy to any place within walking radius, including Franny’s school. Not a single place had called me back for an interview. The cherry on top of the bad luck sundae was my looming tuition payment due in three months.

“We’ll see, baby.” I placated, realizing I had just been staring into space and not actually answered her. “We’ll see.”

“‘Kay.” My seven year old replied, accepting the disappointment with an easy, far-too-practiced air that barbed me with more pinpricks of guilt.

I silently cursed my fate as Franny ran off to play. The only reason I had agreed to move to Neverra City in the first place was because of the clinic’s invitation. Alongside the massive check they had promised me.

There was no denying that I was staring down the barrel of a loaded gun, trapped in horrific anticipation of the trigger being pulled. I had used too much of my meager savings on the security deposit for the shittiest apartment in the best school district.

Regardless of my best intentions, I had lied to Hawke and Varric about my plans. Hurt the people who stuck their neck out for me. I had betrayed them after they opened both their home and their hearts to Franny and I as my broken body and spirit mended. I couldn’t shoehorn myself back into their lives after my betrayal of their trust. It just wouldn’t be right.

I turned my face into the shadows of the pantry to hide the bitter tears trekking down my face from Franny’s sight. I was fucking things up again. I had tried so hard to pull us out of the mess of the past few years. Just like before, my desperation had led us into a worse situation.

It wasn’t fair to blame myself for leading us to ruin like lambs to slaughter, but it was easy. I comforted myself with Varric’s wise counsel, repeating our conversation a year ago in my mind’s eye.

“I’m not gonna lie to you kid. You made some bad decisions.” The middle-aged dwarf, just beginning to grey, had reprimanded me. He refused to sugar coat his words as I lay in that hospital bed. That moment had sparked the flickering flame of respect for him. “But as horrible as they were, you made them for the best reasons. You kept Franny close. You kept her safe.”

Then his amber eyes had turned colder than I’d ever seen them. “That man misled you. Lied to you. Maliciously. To gain your hard won trust. Wrapped you up in a tangled mess that you never would have signed up for. Got you so turned around it was near impossible to dig yourself out. Worse, he hurt you. If Marian hadn’t intervened, he would have killed you.”

“No, look at me, kid.” Varric’s voice had turned soft, and his expression gentled as I had begun to weep. “It’s not your fault. I hope you know that. The past happened, and we can’t do a damn thing to change it. The best revenge is to live well, live long, and live loud.”

Softly knocking my head against the open cabinet door, I refocused on the here and now. Frustrated, I wracked my brain for the thousandth time over my limited options. Selling my plasma was still on the table as long as I didn’t tell them that I was pregnant. That might pull enough money for next month’s rent, and a few things from the grocery store. I still had to figure out tuition if I wasn’t going to drop out, or if I was going to break my lease agreement and return to Kirkwall.

Overwhelmed by the whirling of my brain, I vowed to sleep on it and return to the cyclical thoughts of doom tomorrow. I was still frowning at the can of chickpeas when an idea came to my mind.

Then I hesitated and my exhausted eyes drifted to Franny. She had busied herself flipping absently through the absolutely ancient, fuzzy tv in the corner in her quest for cartoons. I drew out my phone reluctantly and pulled up our ongoing texts between Emmrich and I.

[Wednesday 5:45 pm]

Evie:

you asked if I needed anything?

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

How can I be of assistance?

Evie:

you can say no but do you use DoorDash? I’d like something delivered. Pay you back next week?

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

Yes! That’s fine.

More than fine.

I’d be happy to send you anything. Bellara was quite voracious for some powdered sugar delicacies from a pastry shop in Little Arlathan. I think she grew half of Manfred’s organs and neurons with the energy she received from them.

Anything you want, you’ve only to ask.

Evie:

[Bubbles pop up, pause, disappear, and then after a moment pop up again.]

a large sprite extra ice

a McNugget happy meal (girls toy)

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

With apple slices, or extra fries?

Evie:

Fries

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

Consider it done. I will instruct them to leave it at your door.

Do you want anything else?

Evie:

No.

[More bubbles popping up and disappearing]

ive been mean to you. angry.

thats not fair to you. this mess isnt your fault.

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

You have been frightened. Reasonably so. Things spiraled quite quickly outside of your agreed upon role.

Evie:

ive just been so stressed out. things were hard before…all this.

i had just managed to get my life back together. get re-enrolled in school.

find a new apartment.

get Franny settled.

and the pregnancy hormones are making things worse.

i feel like everything is falling apart.

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

Is this pregnancy different than with Francesca?

Evie:

Franny isn’t

i didnt give birth to Franny.

but she is mine. i have the legal papers to prove it.

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

My mistake.

I assumed Franny was your biological child. I have no doubt you are her mother.

She is lucky to have you.

Evie:

thanks

gotta go do something

thanks again for dinner.

i really will pay you back.

Dr. Volkarin (Franny let Mama answer this one):

No need. It is my pleasure.

Anything you desire that is in my power to grant you only need to ask.

And you can call, or text any time. Day or night. I truly mean that.

My phone alerted me that the delivery driver placed the order at your door.

Evie:

[Selfie of Franny holding the happy meal box up and grinning like Santa came to visit.]

***

Two days later, Bellara and I were seated on a bench at a nearby park watching Franny and Manfred enjoy themselves. Judging by the running and playfully pouncing on each other on all fours, they were pretending to be lions. Franny had been obsessed with a new cartoon show and had begged me to borrow the seasons from the local library. Judging by Manfred’s enthusiastic roars, he was also a big fan of the show.

I drew my jacket closer, self-consciously covering up my midsection. Then I crossed my left arm with my right to hide any evidence of the bandages from this morning’s donation.

“I’m so glad you and Emmrich are getting along.” Bellara eked with stars in her eyes, practically vibrating with happiness next to me. Her smile was so big I thought it’d crack her face in half.

I inclined my head towards her in acknowledgment, but kept my silent vigil on Franny. “I thought maybe you would be less happy?”

“Why?”

“Because you all seem so close. I’m surprised you and Emmrich didn’t get together.”

“Oh, nooo.” Bellara cried, distraught at the mere idea of it. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. Emmrich is great! If you are into…him. I’m not. He’s a great friend and that’s all either of us want.”

“If you are sure.” I agreed, taking a sip of the warm mint tea in my thermos. Emmrich had given it to me the last time we met up, after I told him my stomach had been bothering me.

“I’m very, very, very sure.” Bellara answered resolutely, leaning forward to catch my gaze. Her face creased in worry as she explained. “I’d be more likely to go after you than Emmrich. Men aren’t to my taste. Tried it. Didn't like it much.”

“Oh.” I answered apathetically. “I misread the vibes then. You seem nice but I’m not looking for anything like that.”

Not now. Not ever again.

“Not that I want to go after you! You are beautiful, and you smell real good but—but!” Bellara’s face turned beet red as she flustered. Then she started fiddling with the end of her scarf, too embarrassed to look at me. “Thing is, I already have a special someone I’m seeing. Well, that I want to see, that is. We mostly text. I’ve called her once. She called me back but I was too scared to answer.”

Bellara’s face turned dreamy as she kept going on about her school girl crush. “She works in a cafe close to the hospital. Her name is Irelin. She’s got the cutest smile. And when she looks at me she gives me sooo many butterflies.”

“You should ask her out.” I suggested, my mind half-tuned into the conversation and half-honed in on watching Manfred as he followed Franny up the playground steps. Judging by their giggles, they were up to no good. Realistically there was only so much mischief they could get into in broad daylight six feet off the ground.

“Oh, I’m sure she sees me as nothing more than a friend.” Bellara sighed, the wind kicked out her sails.

“Life is short. Ask her out.” I encouraged, but I really didn’t care one way or another about what happened. “Maybe not for coffee. I bet she’d love a walk in the park. This one is nice. Or ask her to go see a movie with you. If it’s a scary or sappy one, maybe you’ll get brave enough to hold her hand.”

“Oh, Evie!” Bellara gushed, the agony of love alive in her voice. “I want to more than hold her hand.”

I giggled, my tone turning naughty. “Got to at least buy her dinner first, Bel.”

Scandalized, Bellara’s face turned scarlet all the way to her ears. Then she playfully swatted at me, but it felt more like the kiss of a butterfly’s wings.

“Evie! You—you! Oh, you’re terrible!”

“They can put that on my gravestone.” I leaned in close to whisper so the kids wouldn’t overhear. “Here lies Evelyn Ingellvar, fucked everything up and she was terrible. Decent mom though, all things considered.”

Bellara pursed her lips in an attempt not to laugh at the joke made at my own expense. We smiled at each other before our attention drew back to Franny and Manfred as they slid down the slide on their bellies, squealing the whole way down like they were on a dangerous water slide.

“Emmrich really, really likes you by the way.” Bellara intimated, both of us staring ahead as we watched the chaos unfold. “I hope you know that. He’s not been this excited to make a…connection…in a long time. Friendship, or otherwise.”

For a moment the truth sat between us, its presence heavy and meaningful.

“I like him too. As much as I can like anybody.” I admitted, unwilling to lay all my cards on the table. “I hope that is enough for you. I promise, I won’t hurt him. Not intentionally anyway.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Bellara replied, but her voice was tinged with worry. “You seem less…lost than the last time we met. I could tell you were scared. It was like you were afraid of your own shadow. Like someone was hunting you. Can’t say I blame you, though. That was a hard day. I think I’d be beside myself if I was in your shoes.”

“Enough dreary stuff.” I groaned and rose to my feet. Then I lied smoothly, ignoring that choking feeling between my ribs. “I’m hungry. Let’s check out those food trucks.”

I whistled through my teeth and both Franny and Manfred came running like obedient hunting dogs. We all wandered to the entrance to the park, where five food trucks were lined up in a row waiting for customers. The air smelled like a mouth-watering mix of fried food, sweet desserts, and sizzling meats. My stomach rumbled ominously, and I sipped the last dregs of my tea to help it unclench.

I zoned in on the one that said Fereldan’s World Famous Delights. Upon closer inspection, it was split between two designs, directly down the middle. One side featured pictures of hot dogs with ‘All the Fixin’s’, onion rings, orlesian fries, and, the pièce de résistance–fried cheese corn dogs. On the other side were pictures of dumplings, bowls of noodles, and other exotic-looking things that would tempt me if I had more money in my pockets. The plasma center only paid so much and Franny needed a new backpack.

“My Lady, I have customers!” A redhead man in his mid-forties sang petulantly over his shoulder at our approach. “Welcome to my fine establishment. Please, do take your time perusing my expansive menu. Decisions are so hard to make when everything is this delicious.”

When we got closer, the man did a double take at the sight of Franny’s costume dress and tiara. Then his eyes crinkled handsomely at the edges as he beamed the most gorgeous smile I’d ever seen in our direction.

“Why, I have been graced with the presence of a princess.” He fanned himself dramatically, as if he was overwhelmed from a celebrity encounter. “To what do I owe the honor of your visit, your royal highness? Do you need a dragon slayed? A quest to be conquered by a handsome and strapping knight?”

When his gaze fell to Manfred, and his smile turned cheekily to one side, emphasising his dimples.

“Though mayhaps, you have already secured yourself a dashing hero that will come to your aid? He does look quite capable. Why, I imagine you could slay any fiend who would darken this fair lady’s door. What say you, sir knight?”

Franny started giggling and hid her face in Manfred’s shoulder. Manfred puffed out his chest at the compliment, and nodded proudly. Bellara took out her phone and frantically snapped a picture, which I had no doubt would make its way to Emmrich later.

Unsolicited, an agonized voice called out from somewhere unseen, its tone as withering as it was biting.

“Alistair, do cease corrupting the minds of the innocent with your inane warbling. I fear they may catch your penchant for pointless drivel, for it falls from your mouth whenever you choose to open it.”

“Morrigan.” The man looked heavenword as if searching for strength he did not possess. “I do not recaaaaaaall asking for your commentary.”

I stepped back to peek at the neighboring truck, only to realize it was not a food truck at all. It was a mobile coffee-spot and bookshop with the name Witch of the Wild’s Treasures, Brews, and Tarot Readings embossed on its side. Sitting at a small table, I could only assume the goth goddess frowning fiercely as she painted her nails was Morrigan.

“Pity.” She quipped, her voice as sharp and as witty as it was cutting with her disapproval. “If only our dear Evangeline had headed my wise counsel. We could be riding the wave of fame and fortune from our trials. Mayhaps sitting prettily in a fine Orlesian cafe, the highest quality wine and treats at our fingertips. Instead, ever reluctant as she is humble, she chose to continue her nomadic romance with the first man to turn her head and bat his eyelashes at her.”

At this comment, a raven-haired beauty in matching gothic makeup poked her head out of the exotic half of the food stall with a furious expression. When Morrigan did not address her, she leaned further forward and banged her hand loudly against the side of the truck. With her waist-length hair hanging out the window, she began to furiously throw silent hand signs at her.

“My friend, I have no doubt you have lept to your lover's defense.” Morrigan replied coolly, the touch of a smile in her voice. Then she raised her hand to inspect her work in better lighting. “However, I will remind you that in order for me to bear witness to your thoughts, I would have to look upon you. Something I have no desire to do at such a time as this. I’m quite busy.”

Franny touched my hand and drew my attention away from the continuing squabble.

“Mama, can I have a hot dog?”

“Yes, baby. Do you want it plain, or anything on it?”

“Cat-sup.”

“Ketchup, you got it.” I smiled softly, and then turned to Manfred expectantly. “Freddie, what do you want?”

Bellara’s enthusiasm abated beside me. She visibly drooped as she answered for him, “Oh, he won’t like any of this.”

I pursed my lips questioningly at her, and then scrunched down to his level.

“You hear that Freddie?” I goaded, my tone riddled with disbelief and shock. “You wouldn’t like any of this.”

Manfred frowned up at me, his eyes narrowing in challenge.

“Want to prove her wrong?” I teased, sensing his temptation. “Those cheese dogs look pretty good. Bet they are delicious when you bite into them. And the cheese-pull alone…”

“Cheese…pull?” He echoed, but it was with questioning wonder.

I held up my hand in a peace sign at the redheaded himbo. “A cheesedog and one hotdog with ketchup, my good Ser.”

“Oh!” Bellara hiccuped, snapping out of her trance of staring slack-jawed at Manfred. “I’ll buy Manfred’s food.”

“Nah, I owe Emmrich for something the other day. I think this will make us even.”

“Okay…” Bellara replied, a question still in her voice. “Can I get you something from one of the other trucks? There is a Antivan taco truck, and a fancy Seheronian one. I can’t read their menu but it smells pretty good.”

“My stomach’s not feeling it.” I fibbed, taking out my debit card to pay. “Maybe next time.”

Within ten minutes we were all seated at a nearby picnic table with our food in hand and smiles on our faces. Manfred took a cautionary bite, and his eyes lit up like it was not cheese he was eating but instead manna from heaven.

“Oh, Manfred!” Bellara gushed, her eyes sparkling with pride and happiness.

“Bellara.” I cut off her proud praise with a sharp look over Manfred’s head. “Your burrito is getting cold.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, but then she nodded slowly in agreement. Obediently, she tucked into her delicious smelling entree with a small, pleased smile. Manfred ate the whole thing before Franny had finished half of hers.

“More?” He asked politely, and I winked at Bellara as I handed him my card.

“You can get one more, Freddie.” I cautioned, grinning slyly at him like it was a secret. “I don’t want you getting eyes bigger than your stomach and getting a tummy ache.”

Manfred ran off with a megawatt smile back to the truck.

“A returning customer? For me?” The handsome redhead preened. “My lady, this is two more tally marks on the whiteboard for me. I recall this morning that I already had you beat by five this week. Or…was it six?”

Whatever the silent response of his partner was made his face break out in a cheshire smile.

“That’s quite impolite my love.” His golden brown eyes smouldered, amusement plain as the grin on his face. “The hallmark of a sore loser, as well. You were the one who started this game after all.”

“Ah, yes. What a fortunate privilege it has been these near two decades to observe your bewildering flirtation.” Morrigan mocked, her tone snide and cracking with the insinuation of exactly how impressed she was. Still not looking at her friends, she continued chiding as she aimlessly thumbed through a magazine. “Traipsing through the forgotten corners of Thedas, hardening the arteries of every unfortunate wretch who stumbles upon the fried faire and carbs you purvey.”

“Morrigan.” Alistair trilled in false cheer as he handed the card back to Manfred. “Thank you for your generous compliments. They are bestowed so rarely, I hardly recognize them when they appear. I do recall encouraging you to ‘go your own way’ after the first year of our acquaintance.”

At her silence, he grinned mischievously in her direction. “And every time you tearfully depart, you always return to our side like a besotted crow, continuing your sacred duty of squalling ferociously at us in judgement.”

Morrigan chuckled in dark humor, and a smile cracked her face. Then she schooled her expression back to a frown.

“Tis the boy’s fault.” She alleged neutrally. “He quite misses the little love when we stray too far. He quite dotes on her, as you well know. Takes after his father, unfortunately. Doomed to a follower be and ney a hair of leadership found upon his head.”

She sighed longsufferingly then scanned the treeline over the rim of her magazine.

“Speak of the devil–” She huffed, and then called out loudly, “Kieran, dear. Did you fetch the mongrel and your sister?”

Kieran was a gangly-beanpole dotted with acne, and the way he held himself screamed of the insecurity of a teenager on the cusp of manhood. He was dressed like someone who had just stepped out from behind the checkout counter at that goth store at the mall. His resemblance to Morrigan was uncanny, as he held the same piercing gold eyes, her high cheekbones, and ever-present displeasure on his resting face.

Holding his hand was a little redheaded darling wrapped up in a jacket three sizes too big for her. Like a little chick, her bone structure was delicate and scrawny. She couldn’t have been but a year older than Franny. As they got closer it became apparent that she was a carbon copy of Alistair, down to her chubby cheeks dotted with adorable freckles and matching dimples. Trotting loyally behind them was a Marabari pup absolutely covered in mud.

“Yes, Mother–of course I returned with Allie and Barkspawn Junior.” Kieran replied, but there was a touch of resentful attitude in his tone. “As if I’d leave them to their own devices. I looked away for five minutes and found them playing in the creek after I specifically told her not to get her dress dirty, as you requested.”

Allie grinned up at her brother with big, innocent doe eyes, and signed something at him slowly.

“Oh, yeah? You’re sorry now that you are in trouble?” He fussed, but his frown softened as she kept signing at him. “No, you will have to tell Aunt Lili that you messed up your new dress. I’m not doing it.”

When she kept signing at him insistently, his golden-dawn eyes drifted to the taco truck in a grumpy frown.

“Maybe if you ask Uncle Zevran very nicely he might be willing to get the stains out.”

“Mama, can we get a treat?” Franny asked sweetly, interrupting my gawking at the spellbindingly odd scene before me. Much like a trainwreck, it was hard to look away.

My eyes scrolled further down the street to a truck called Leilianna’s Pâtisserie et Magasin de Glaces. On the outside were pictures of cupcakes, macaroons, madeleines, and other Orlesian delicacies. When I pursed my lips to think about her question, her eyes turned pleading.

“Okay. But nothing over 5 dollars.” I answered patiently, mentally planning to hit the next plasma donation clinic when Franny was at school. That one we passed on the way here looked sketchy enough to not ask too many questions.

I made sure to send a picture of Franny and Manfred digging into their ice cream to Emmrich’s phone when we went home that night. If I forgot to breathe for a moment when his name lit up my screen as he called me back, that was my secret.

Chapter Text

The next few weeks flew by as the days grew colder and the sun set earlier. Emmrich and I continued to grow closer, our texts becoming a running commentary of the things both silly and serious we chose to share with each other. Oftentimes, I sent him funny videos and memes he would long-windedly express his joy at receiving. Other times, he would send me updates about our children’s development in utero. He assured me by this point their vital organs and limbs were finished developing. He also made me promise that I would take my prenatals every morning with breakfast as they began forming their fingernails and teeth. More often than not, he would text me reminders in case I forgot.

Since Manfred’s newfound obsession with fried cheese dogs was evergreen, we had a standing appointment several times a week for dinner at the food trucks. Emmrich would order roasted vegetables and a fragrant smelling curry dish from the stern, stone-faced, and hornless Qunari who ran Seheron’s Garden. Manfred would eat two of the cheese dogs, and the side of the roasted broccoli Emmrich offered him.

From the shameless flirt that ran the Antivan food truck, ominously named The Crows Send Their Regards, I would get a steak and cheese quesadilla to nibble on as the once occasional nausea grew ever-present. After I explained my odd request, the man took pity on me and made my food as mild and unseasoned as he could. I had to stop myself from going back every night for another one. As much as I liked it, after a few bites I could never finish it. To her delight, I always gave the rest to Franny after she polished off her hot dog.

Franny and Manfred, and occasionally Allie, would burn off their endless energy running after one another on the playground as Emmrich and I would sit together on what I mentally began referring to as ‘our bench.’ Our friendship was a fragile, newfound comfort to me. Our long talks typically devolved into me listening as Emmrich regaled me about his interactions with patients and any funny stories he had to share. Nearly always he would ask after my health and inquire how I was feeling. When he prodded pointed questions about my past, I would answer him as vaguely as possible.

We had a surprising amount of things in common. We had both grown up in group homes and foster care. Ellanora and Rupert Volkarin had been loving and doting parents, but Emmrich had lost them in an accident at a tender age. I had never known my parents, and knew nothing of my early childhood beyond being passed between foster home to foster home. At the end of the day, we were both familiar with the feelings of being unwanted and unloved, and we vowed that our children would never know such a struggle.

A monumental shift in our friendship occurred on a stormy Tuesday night. At the witching hour of 3 am, my frayed nerves found me staring at his name in my phone as Franny trembled against me like a leaf. Sitting cross-legged on the floor with her in my lap, I rested my aching back against the support of the bathroom vanity. I failed to quell my rising panic as it mixed with my haunting morning sickness, threatening to reacquaint me with my dinner of two bites of quesadilla. At my wits end, I called Emmrich on speaker phone, setting it on the floor.

“Evelyn…?” He answered groggily on the 7th ring. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry I woke you. Really sorry.” I warbled unsteadily, my eyes pricking with tears. “I would never call you this late, but Franny is throwing up and running a fever.”

When Franny let out a sharp cry of misery, I instinctually huddled her closer to me. “Do I take her to the emergency room?”

Emmrich let out a long, tired sigh of concern. Then he cautiously questioned, “How many times has she thrown up in the past hour? When did the symptoms start?”

“T-t-two hours ago? Sh-she must have picked up some-something at school.” I answered, struggling not to cry. Franny had laid her head against me and started whimpering like when she was a baby. I brushed the hair off her clammy forehead and laid a kiss on her brow. “I’ve lost count how many times. She just won’t stop.”

“Mommy–I don’t feel good.” Franny sobbed before she upchucked on my nightgown. After realizing what she’d done, she started crying harder.

“No, baby. You’re okay. Mama’s okay. She’s not mad at you.” I soothed, pushing her away enough to pull off my nightgown. I tossed it into the tub, mentally cataloging it as tomorrow’s problem. Since I had no bra underneath it, Franny suction-cupped herself against me, skin-to-skin like a stifling hot water bottle.

“Have you given her anything to reduce the fever?” Emmrich asked helpfully.

“I did, but she can’t keep it down.” I answered, picking up my phone.

“How is her coloring—oh.” Emmrich stopped suddenly mid-sentence.

It was only when I looked down at my phone in bewilderment that I realized he was not only on speaker phone, but on video call as well.

Too tired and stressed to care about modesty, I begged in exasperation, “Well–what should I do?!”

Emmrich blinked a few times at his phone. He sounded very awake when he advised, “Do you have any carbonated beverages? Try one of those in about 30 minutes.”

“C-can you come over? If I need to take her–” I tilted my head back to rest against the vanity and closed my eyes to keep myself from audibly weeping. When I looked back at him, his expression was hidden by the unshed tears cloying my vision. “I don’t–I don’t have a car. The hospital is too far to carry her.”

Emmrich sucked in a shocked little gasp before he rallied, his voice ringing with a calming balm of certainty and warmth. “I’m grateful you called me. I will retrieve Manfred and drop him off at Bellara’s. She will understand.”

“Emmrich?” I stopped him before he hung up.

“Yes?” He asked in a little above a whisper. There were many unspoken questions in the lilt of his gentle reply.

“Thank you.” I managed, feeling nearly weightless from the wave of relief that flooded my chest. “For answering. For being willing to come help. For…a lot of things.”

After retrieving a new nightgown and dressing Franny in new pajamas, my knight in shining armor was at my door. He was armed with children’s pedialyte, a twelve pack of ginger ale, and some over the counter medicine. After he assessed her as being a touch dehydrated and understandably miserable, he had her drink some of the carbonated soda before he offered to help me tuck her into bed. If he was surprised at her set up when he carried her to my room, he kept his thoughts to himself.

I had gotten creative with the space in our one bedroom apartment, transforming our surprisingly spacious walk-in closet into a cozy hideaway we had affectionately dubbed The Franny Corner. Decorated with a web of string lights strung across the ceiling, her nest was a raised futon mattress covered in her growing collection of stuffies. Upon the colorful and fuzzy carpet littered with toys was a comfy bean bag chair. Against the wall was a bookshelf packed with second-hand, and hand-me-down books. Since Franny’s clothes were so tiny they hardly took up any space in my wardrobe and the closet was just wasted space anyway.

It was my turn to be shocked when Franny requested Emmrich read a story to her. My mouth fell open when Emmrich obligingly folded himself into the beanbag and soon was reading the chosen tale about a princess with long hair trapped in a tower. So wrapped up in the sweet moment, and the melodic timber of his voice, I decided not to tell him Franny fell asleep before he hit page five.

***

I was in sour spirits when Franny and I trudged home from the walk-in clinic down the street. Gifted with a school excuse, and an opaque diagnosis of a stomach bug, I was stopped short at the sight of a gaggle of grocery bags at my doorstep.

“Franny, don’t touch them. They aren’t for us.” I reprimanded when she excitedly began to rustle through the closest one.

After unlocking the door, I sent Franny to her bed to rest. I had no doubt she’d spend her time playing with her toys instead of napping, but as long as she was feeling better I didn’t care.

I collapsed on the couch with a groan. Exhaustion was pulling like a riptide, threatening to drown me. After the craziness that was the past 48 hours, I was grateful I had already pushed through the fatigue earlier this week to get ahead on my assignments. My reward was an aching body and skin that felt stretched too taunt. When I caught sight of myself in the mirror this morning I had spooked myself. My coloring was off and it wouldn’t have been out of the ballpark to confuse me for a walking zombie.

Even the donation clinic had looked at me sideways before they hooked me up yesterday. With my belly beginning to swell, I knew that I would need to figure something else out sooner rather than later. I had enough saved up for two months’ rent. Stretching my shoe-string budget, I had earmarked $60 bucks a week for food. Fighting the siren song of sleep, I forced myself to stand as I pulled out my phone and scrolled to Emmrich’s name.

Evie:

hey I think you sent your groceries to my house instead of yours. also you bought a lot of food.

Emmrich (Baby Daddy):

Ah! Wonderful. I’m so glad they were able to deliver it.

Evie:

wait did you send all this shit on purpose?

i dont want any charity

we are doing fine without your help

are you going to come get all this shit or what?

its a lot of frozen stuff and things that will go bad.

Emmrich (Baby Daddy):

Then it would be best for you to put them away before they spoil.

Evie:

i cant believe you did this

why would you buy organic? thats a scam to get you to pay more for less.

this must be like $500 dollars of groceries

why would you do this?

i cant even begin to pay you back for all this

Emmrich (Baby Daddy):

I can assure you that it is not a “scam” as you mentioned. Do not worry about the cost.

It did not escape my notice upon my late night visit that you had neglected to go shopping recently. It was my intention to aid you in this endeavor. Similarly to a tragic Tevene mythos, you seem determined to hold the entire world upon your shoulders.

Bellara made some recommendations of items that were shelf stable, frozen easy meals, or other such items Francesca would be able to prepare for herself if you were indisposed. She also suggested that I include ginger candies. With Manfred, she found those particularly helpful in the moments she struggled with nausea.

Evie:

[sends picture of Franny grinning holding up a box of fresh strawberries]

Franny says thank you.

Emmrich (Baby Daddy):

The only thanks I require is that the both of you eat healthy meals and your stress level is reduced.

***

Another week passed uneventfully until, after a particularly horrific night, Franny found me catatonic on the bathroom floor.

I dared not move, too scared to agitate my back. It had gone out after the last bout of projectile vomiting into the porcelain throne. I’d laid there helplessly ever since. My brain felt odd. I knew I was losing time because everytime I reoriented myself Franny was somewhere else.

“Hi Freddie’s Papa. I’m sorry to bother you.” Franny mumbled uncertainly into my phone against her ear. “Something’s wrong with Mama. She didn’t wake me up for school. I know I’m late because the sun is awake. Mama didn’t sleep in her bed. I found her on the bathroom floor. Please don’t be mad. I know Mama said that I wasn’t supposed to call you but Uncle Varric and Aunt Marian didn’t answer.”

“Mmmm…” Franny fretted, turning worried eyes on me. “I already tried. She keeps falling back asleep.”

“Oh yeah!” Franny nodded furiously as she continued explaining, “Mama threw up a bunch last night before bedtime. She said the tests the doctor ran made her feel bad.”

“Yeah, I think Mama’s confused too.” She agreed, and then asked innocently, “Why would she sleep in the bathroom? It’s yucky in there. I found a spider yesterday.”

She continued chattering at him about her harrowing adventure with the spider, and then the dream she had last night until there was a knock at the door.

“‘Kay.” Franny answered, trotting out of the room with my phone. I heard the front entrance being unlocked and then the chunk of the deadbolt chain catching on the doorframe.

“Mr. Freddie’s Papa, I can’t reach the top one.”

I heard a man’s voice, but I couldn’t make it out.

“Oh, Mama has a chair in her room. I can use that.”

I must have passed out because I came roaring back to consciousness as my back shrieked when Emmrich attempted to gather me into his arms.

“Don’t!” I screeched in warning through my hoarse, parched throat.

Emmrich recoiled from me like I burned him. As I blearily looked up at him he remained frozen, hovering on his knees unsteadily as he tried to piece together a chain of events.

“Evelyn, what has happened?” He asked in a tremulous whisper, horrified grief written along the furrows of his creased forehead. “Where are you injured? Did you fall?”

“My back…” I wheezed unhelpfully, fighting a wave of spots brought on by the pain. “Muscle…cabinet.”

Emmrich shot to his feet and began rifling through my medicine cabinet. Thankfully, he was able to piece together what I was asking for. In a moment he was presenting me with a muscle relaxer and a ginger ale left over from the other day. Once I had successfully swallowed it, he contorted himself oddly so he could sit beside me on the cold tile. Then he began to gently pet my hair and murmured words of comfort as we waited for the medicine to take effect. When I finally relaxed enough so that I could take a full breath, I took the liberty of laying my head in his lap.

“Morning sickness.” I explained succinctly through my exhaustion. “It was bad last night. I threw out my back. Really bad this time.”

“Does such a thing happen often?” He coaxed, continuing to stroke my hair back from my face. “You have not mentioned it in our previous conversations.”

“It hasn’t since I came here. Not for months.” I admitted as the euphoric feeling of being pain-free swept through my bloodstream. When Emmrich was uncharacteristically quiet, I spoke the haunting thought aloud. “You want to know what happened.”

“The question did cross my mind.” Emmrich alluded, but did not demand as I would have expected him to.

“It’s a long story.”

“We have time. I would not dare move you for a few minutes more.” Emmrich replied, patience and concern in his tone. “I find myself intrigued by any amount of your past you would choose to share with me.”

“I guess I should give you the whole story, rather than just crumbs, huh?” My mouth twisted in an uncomfortable frown. “Let’s stick with the short version. No questions, or I won’t be able to finish.”

“I will do my best to gratefully limit my curiosity for those long awaited answers.”

“I was seventeen when I aged out of my last foster home.” My gaze narrowed to counting the bathroom tiles as I began my tale, narrating as if it was a story I was reading to Franny. It was easier to pretend it was someone else’s tale instead of a personal tragedy. “I’d been there two years, and Franny had been dumped there not long after I arrived. The people who took us in wanted nothing more than a check. They could have cared less if she lived or died. I don’t know how she ended up in the system, but all I needed to know was that her crying broke my heart and she needed someone to love her. She was too sweet and I refused to leave her behind. So when an older man at my job offered to marry me so I could adopt her…I leapt without looking.”

“Ever heard of the Venatori gang?” I asked rhetorically. When I felt more than saw Emmrich nod, I continued. “Well, I hadn’t. Drug runners. Human traffickers. Murders for hire. I didn’t know that the man I married was…more than involved with them. By the time I realized I was in deep shit, I knew too much.”

When I went to reach for the ginger ale, Emmrich grabbed it for me so I didn’t have to stretch. I took a few life-affirming sips before I continued my confession.

“I did things that I’m not proud of. Illegal things. Morally wrong things. Things that haunt me when I close my eyes to sleep. Did my best to keep Franny out of it. Protect her innocence. And as long as I did whatever he asked, things were fine.”

“Until they were…not fine?” Emmrich added after a moment of silence.

“At first, he didn’t force anything. But after two years, it became clear that he liked me much more than I liked him. It turned sour. He wanted things I refused to give. And when I didn’t give them? He turned violent. My final straw was when he put hands on Franny. That was the moment I knew we needed to make a break for it. Only wish I’d found the courage to leave earlier.”

“I think you were spectacularly brave for leaving.” Emmrich interrupted, his voice so soothing and sincere it made my heart ache. “The uncertain footing of a new path—to take that first step into the unknown, desperately wishing that the path you tread is better than the one you leave behind. That is the epitome of bravery in my eyes.”

His words traveled deep, honing like a missile to seek that broken and shattered thing inside my chest. Traveling through long settled cracks. Filling them with a golden balm of healing in a valiant attempt to right something I didn’t know was wrong.

“We were traveling through Nevarra when I saw the ad for the fertility clinic. I called them that day. At the end of it, it gave me enough money to stage a getaway. But getting out was harder than I thought it was gonna be. The first time we ran…well, you’ve probably heard this story before. Woman and baby flee abusive man. Jump from shelter to shelter until they end up on the opposite side of the continent. Through good luck and a lot of hard work, they start building a new life for themselves. They think they are safe until their luck runs out and he catches their scent like a shark with blood in the water.”

“I have heard this tale before.”

“Yeah, well. My friend Neve helped me get out and start a new life. Franny and I were able to hide from him for over a year before he tracked us down. Turns out, Kirkwall wasn’t far enough away from Minrathous after all.”

“That man…he hurt you?” Emmrich beseeched with a tinge of fear.

I raised my left arm for his inspection. Emmrich took it tenderly, his methodical probing assessing the bones for the defects I had no doubt he would find. I tried to squeeze my fist with great effort but couldn’t close my hand fully.

“This was broken once.” Darkness lurked in the back of his voice, a sprinkle of something protective. “It healed…wrong.”

“Crushed, actually. I’m glad Franny was at school at the time. After he was done punishing me…Well, what matters is I was able to pull myself together before she got home. Dragged myself to Kirkwall’s Darktown. Dr. Anders runs a pay-what-you-can operation. He is a veteran from the great war. Happens to be one of Marian’s friends. He is the one who introduced us. He did his best to patch me up, but he didn’t have that much he could do. Physical therapy and surgery were too expensive without insurance. Even if I could have scraped together, my ex-husband wouldn’t have let out of his sight long enough anyway. Once I was out of the cast I did my best to complete the stretches he asked me to do. It was hard because nearly everything I did irritated the muscles in my back.”

“Your back?” Emmrich echoed in horror at my revelation. He was coiled tense as a bowstring, and I could feel the internal strain of him holding back a tsunami surge of questions.

“Yeah. It got hurt then too, but something worse happened later.” I confirmed with a drawn out sigh, hating every minute of this conversation. “In exchange for witness protection for Franny and I, Marian enlisted me in an undercover operation to take out that son-of-a-bitch. Things went bad. Cover got blown too early.”

“Dear gods.” Emmrich choked out, his voice strangled with a repressed wellspring of emotion. “What did that brute do to you?”

“He and his friends beat the shit out of me. I had to relearn how to walk. My back is still stiff in the mornings and hurts when it rains sometimes. It's in the past.” I consoled him, and began to pick absently at a stray thread on his finely tailored pants. “I was grown. I knew the risks. I wasn’t that naive, starry-eyed girl anymore. When all was said and done, I was lucky. Might have died if Marian hadn’t shown up when she did. She and Police Commissioner Aveline made sure that he’s behind bars now. And I was grateful I left Franny with Varric. Took her a while to forgive me for that one.”

Emmrich said nothing in response. He had stopped petting my hair. There was a tremor in his hand as it ghosted, motionless against my temple. When his breathing turned harsh and he began to gasp unevenly, I dared not look at his face. I’d had enough pity to last me a lifetime.

“Marian feels responsible for what happened.” I dictated woodenly, desperate to fill the emotionally charged silence that had descended upon us. “That’s why they let Franny and I stay with them. Why they are so attached. I’ve told her not to blame herself several times, but it doesn’t seem to matter. One night she got so wasted she told me that she wonders if it would have been better if she’d never offered to help me at all. I’d probably be dead now if she hadn’t. I’m just grateful I got Franny and myself out–even if it required sacrifice.”

With the pain in my back ebbed to a more tolerable level, I attempted to sit up only to find Emmrich’s arms tightened to hold me to him.

“My dear–” He pleaded through a throat thick and stuffy from bitter tears. “Please. Allow me to aid you.”

With a touch as tender as it was supportive, Emmrich helped me back to my feet.

“Oh…That feels…weird…” I croaked ominously before my legs buckled under me like cards. If Emmrich had not had his arms securely around me, I would have smashed my head into the vanity.

“I have you, Evelyn.” Emmrich comforted as the world around me faded to black. “I have you. Francesca–”

***

When I awoke, I was in a private, dimly-lit hospital room. Granted, it was the fanciest and no doubt the most expensive I’d ever seen, but it was disorienting. When my head began swiveling around in bewilderment, I realized I was not alone. Seated next to me in a luxurious sleeper chair, decked out in a white coat, was Dr. Emmrich Volkarin. Judging by the unfamiliar glower he directed at me, he was fucking pissed.

“I await an explanation.” He seethed with unrepressed irritation. “And do not insult my intelligence with vague excuses, or denials. From your platelet levels, and the IV marks upon your arms, I have been able to fashion together the chain of events that led us here. What I require is the reasoning why you would subject yourself to such an outcome.”

My eyes raked over him, assessing his mood and taking notice of the exits with my peripheral vision. The IV in my arm would cause a problem, but I could probably make it to the hallway if I needed to. When I did not rise to his questioning, he let out a growl from deep in his throat.

“How many times did you subject yourself to such a thing?” Emmrich leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees, steepling his hands. “I demand a number.”

“Since you seem to know everything already, you should really take a guess.” I replied snippily with sarcasm. Intent to immediately go on the defensive, I doubled down. “Then probably add a few more to that number.”

“Evelyn!” Emmrich snapped, and my heart skipped a beat in fear at the rage painted across the canvas of his face. “This is no joking matter. I cannot believe that you would–”

“It’s not that big of a deal!” I thundered back, putting on my war face. “Everyone is fucking fine. I’m just tired! It happens. I donated plenty of times before and this has never happened!”

“Is such a statement intended to comfort yourself?” Emmrich interrogated, his eyes wide. Then he scoffed in disbelief, shaking his head. “Do you always attempt to speak the truth into being? I do not believe you truly understand the risk you have taken with your recklessness. You have severely compromised and weakened–”

“Emmrich, you’re making this a much bigger–”

“You. Fainted. In. My. Arms.” Emmrich spat out tersely. His face drew up in a furious glare that had my mouth snapping shut. His tone was icy rage as he chastised. “Allow me to be more clear in my explanation of what danger you have exposed yourself to. You clearly do not understand the severity of what you have done.”

Emmrich took a slow, deep, steadying breath before he began to read me the riot act.

“Donating plasma involves separating the host’s plasma from its red blood cells and platelets. In a typical healthy patient, this action is an innocuous, selfless act of service. In your case, even an uncomplicated dichorionic pregnancy requires increased blood flow for both yourself and the twins. You placed far more than merely yourself in peril. You have dangerously depleted your immunoglobulin levels. Your immune system's susceptibility to pathogens and infection risk is already heightened during gestation, but you have exponentially increased such an outcome with your excessive donations. In the worst cases, your body can go into hypovolemic shock–leading to multiple-organ failure. My mind boggles and cannot reconcile why a clinic would allow such a thing in your condition.”

“They will if you don’t tell them.” I offered in answer, but the darkness that crossed his expression told me it was the wrong thing to say.

“What you have yet to explain to me…” Emmrich drawled with a touch of venom, “Is why you would do such a thing. For in the brief time we have spent together, I have come to know you as an outstandingly clever, sincerely selfless, and stubbornly self-sufficient individual. I wish to know your motivation. So, at this time I am allowing you the courtesy of an explanation.”

I turned my face away from him, a crushing feeling of shame like an elephant on my chest.

“I will ask you once more, before I become unbelievably cross. Why would you do such a thing to yourself? The risk–”

“I needed the cash!” I blew up, my voice rising to a roar in the pin-drop silence. Then my voice turned shrill. “Do you think I wanted this? That it was fun for me? I tried to find a job but no one would hire me! And it might be the shittiest apartment in Nevarra city but it does cost money! Keeping a roof over Franny’s head and food in her belly is my top priority. Period. Everything else comes second.”

Emmrich was so incensed he began grinding his teeth, and a vein pounded on his forehead from how furious he was.

“You–how–ooh!” He grit out at a loss for words.

When he reached for my hand, I flinched away from him on instinct. His face flashed with hurt, before Emmrich threw his hands in the air in an irritated ‘I can’t believe this’ gesture. Then he rose to his feet and started wearing grooves into the floor with his pacing.

I let him stew for a minute, my heart racing at the very unfamiliar display. I didn’t know the cool, calm, and collected Emmrich Volkarin was even capable of being this angry.

“You need to be provided for.” He declared in a matter-of-fact tone, not bothering to look at me as he continued his turn about the room. “You carry my children and have asked for so little in return. This was not the agreed upon arrangement you embarked upon.”

Insulted, I interjected hotly, “If I wanted your money I would have signed that damned contract in the beginning. Hell, I wouldn’t be talking to you at all! I’m not looking for fucking charity.”

“I would never insult you by proposing such a thing!” Emmrich snapped, and then held up a hand to silence me, which only drove me farther up the wall.

“What–” I exploded, but Emmrich cut me off with a stern look of fury.

“The hospital has been so kind as to place Bellara and I on parallel schedules, allowing us to divide childcare responsibilities equitably for Manfred.” He explained slowly, as if I were a tall child. Then he glowered in irritation at my snarled lip. “What I propose is another equitable exchange. You will provide childcare for Manfred during the hours I cannot. These are typically nighttime hours, but occasionally I am rotated for day shift scheduling. In return for your very valued labor, I would provide for your expenses.”

“So…” I echoed in outraged bewilderment, “You’re asking that I watch Manfred when you can’t? And you will pay my rent?”

“With a living stipend. For such things as groceries, and other necessities you deem appropriate.” Emmrich nodded slowly. Then he pulled out his wallet and extended his credit card to me. “This should suffice. For now.”

“I don’t know how I feel about this.” I replied cagily, my ire cooling as I eyed the outstretched offering like it was a snake about to bite me. “I’d watch Manfred for free.”

“I do not wish to speak about how you selling your lifeblood for pennies upon the dollar makes me feel.” Emmrich smiled at me, but his eyes were chillingly hard. “Best we come to an arrangement. So that it does not happen again.”

“I haven’t said I’d accept it.” I argued, but my resolve was waning as the answer to a good majority of my problems dangled at my literal fingertips.

“You shall not know peace until you do.” Emmrich decreed, taking my left hand and placing the card within it. “Until you agree to such terms, I shall not rest in my relentless pursuit to meet your needs, unspoken or otherwise. I imagine it would be more beneficial in your purview to use my card to meet them, rather than allowing me to guess what they might be.”

“This is…” I continued to stare at the plastic husk in my outstretched palm. I blinked hard to hold back a mistiness that had begun to plague me as of late. “...really too much.”

“I disagree wholeheartedly. Watching you injure yourself in pointless scrambling for basic necessities that I can provide without financial injury is too much for me to bare.” When I opened my mouth to argue further Emmrich shook his head at me in disapproval, informing me without emotion, “I have found that Manfred quite enjoys spending time with both yourself and Francesca. In the short time we have known each other he has grown exponentially in the areas of his social, and emotional development. As a parent, you must know that such growth is a precious thing.”

Helplessly, I laid reclined upon the pillows and forgot to breathe when he leaned down to my level. His eyes focused on my face with an intensity as serious as the grave. “All our children would benefit from a mother who does not exhaust herself recklessly, as you have done thus far. I will not allow such a thing any longer. I have no doubt that your living expenses are of little concern to my financial wellbeing. Your continued health, however, is another matter entirely.”

“To say nothing of the feelings I have developed for you.” Emmrich confessed reverently, gazing at me forlornly as he reached forward to cradle my face. He tenderly brushed away a runaway tear with his thumb. “You have grown from an intriguing acquaintance into someone I would call a cherished friend. Should you wish it, I would…we…could become more, given the time to foster such a connection. Should we both wish for such a thing.”

“You say that to all the girls you knock up, don’t you?” I answered automatically, and then inwardly screamed in horror at the reflex of my smartass mouth.

Emmrich’s eyebrows furrow in alarm. “I am dreadfully sincere. I understand if you do not feel as I–”

“That’s not what I said!” I interrupted, my right hand shooting up to the collar of his shirt before he could escape. “I–humor is a crutch for me.”

“I know, my dear Evie.” Emmrich didn’t smile but his mouth raised at the edge. “I know.”

Then he took the hand clenched in a death grip on his shirt, and placed it over his heart. It was beating like a caged bird yearning to be free. I had its twin lodged in my own ribcage.

“I’m not good at feelings.” I managed through a tongue thick in my mouth and a nauseous nervousness that had my stomach churning. “I like you. I like you more than I’ve liked anyone before. No one has ever helped me without feeling sorry for me, or needing me to do something hard in return. This feels…wrong. Like I’m taking advantage of you. I don’t like that feeling.”

Emmrich watched me in that assessing way of his that always left me feeling exposed, like I’d dunked myself in a bucket of ice water.

“Wh-what are you staring at?”

He crooked his head to the side and his expression turned soft.

“Please, for my own sake.” He petitioned as he sat next to me on the bed, taking the hand still holding the card into his free hand. “Allow me to look after you. I fear others have done a rather poor job of it. I would very much like to lift some of the burdens you have borne by yourself for too long.”

I could only blink dumbstruck at him in reply, unable to formulate a response. Emmrich smiled at me, his expression a confusing mix of somber sadness, hopeful optimism, and a few other emotional shades I could not name. After giving me a moment to think, I finally acquiesced to his compromise.

“Fine. I’ll watch Manfred whenever you need in exchange for room and board.” I squeezed his hand and smirked at him.

“We can start by removing the worry of housing and small luxuries such as groceries.”

“But no organic shit. It really is a waste of money.”

Our moment was broken by my phone ringing. It was Varric.

“Shit. This is the fifth time he’s called.”

Chapter Text

Watching Manfred while Emmrich was at work turned out to be a piece of cake. It had only taken him three days of being shy before he let his real personality shine through, and it was precious.

“Freddie, what do you want for lunch?” I asked from my perch on the couch, hunched over my laptop like a gargoyle as I looked up online articles for my next paper.

“Lunch!” He echoed in excitement.

Watching my temper, I took a deep breath inward to keep from sighing. I had quickly come to learn one of Manfred’s quirks. It was as if his words were trapped inside him, and he had trouble getting them out on his own. He knew what he wanted sometimes, but didn’t know how to express it so he’d just echo what you said until you guessed right.

“Do you want ravioli?”

“Ravioli…” He answered, but with a fierce frown.

“Mmhm…how about spaghetti?”

“Pagetti!” He screeched, but in a way that let me know he hated the idea of it.

“Ooh, you know what sounds so good?”

“Good…?”

“Those veggie tots Auntie Bellara brought over the other day. You can watch them cook?”

“Tots!” He giggled, before he took my hand to lead me to the kitchen.

As long as he ate, I chalked broccoli tots up as a win. He was very scrawny for a 4 year old. It worried me a bit, but from what I gathered Emmrich wasn’t overly concerned.

As more time passed, it became increasingly obvious that the little boy loved to help, and his hands constantly buzzed to be useful.

“Goodness, I really need to gather the trash from Franny’s room…” I’d wonder aloud, while I washed up the dishes in the sink.

“No!” He’d giggle, running off to do exactly what I asked.

“Freddie, I could really use your help matching the socks with their pair.” I’d request while folding up shirts from the laundry basket with my legs criss-cross applesauce on the floor.

“Nu-uh!” He’d squeak, and then he was lolling on his belly next to me, dutifully pairing them up.

“Freddie, can you watch the cookies to make sure they don’t burn?” I’d warble wearily from the floor, valiantly attempting to avoid upchucking on the mismatched kitchen tile.

“Noooo….” He’d deny, sitting with his face pressed up against the oven door watching them bake.

Later, when I found myself dry heaving into the toilet, Manfred was there in silent vigil, playing with his toy trains. In between my bouts of misery, he would hold them up for my inspection.

“That one…looks great, baby…can you…call your papa…please?”

Overall, the agreement between myself and Emmrich was working out well for everyone involved. I was happy that I no longer had to cycle through the existential dread of how I was going to feed, clothe, and house myself and my daughter. Emmrich was happy to be able to leave Manfred with someone he trusted while he worked, and that he could keep a closer eye on me as morning sickness episodes continued. Oftentimes, he would bring along thoughtful presents for me.

“Melons have been found to help with nausea.” Emmrich had informed me, while sticking a giant plastic fruit tray into my fridge. “I have brought with me an assortment of watermelon, cantaloupe, and strawberries for you all to enjoy.”

On night shifts, Emmrich would drop Manfred off around dinner time. Sometimes He and Franny dogpiled onto her futon in a way that would have made my neck hurt, but they slept dead to the world. Other nights, they both would wander over to my queen size bed at some point in the night and we’d all fight over the covers.

On the rare occasion I watched Manfred on day shift, he would follow me around like a little chick.

He would amuse himself with Franny’s toys, help me with chores that needed doing, and watch the clock like he was hunting it. Eventually, after the fourth time he turned to silently watch me with big, pleading doe eyes I realized he was asking when Franny came home.

“3 more hours baby. Then we will go pick her up. Finish your grilled cheese for me.”

***

It wasn’t but two weeks into the new arrangement that Franny became accustomed to Manfred’s presence. So much so, that she begged for a sleepover on one of the nights Emmrich was not working.

“Baby, it’s not fair to Freddie’s Papa if we hog him.” I persuaded, but I could see on her face that this was a losing battle. “He needs to spend time with him too, just like it’s good for us to have our girl’s nights.”

“But…why can’t his Papa just stay the night too? Then we can all be happy!” She pouted, stomping her foot in agitation.

“Happy!” Manfred echoed, in a way that told me I was on the other side of a level 4 out of 5 meltdown between the two of them if I argued further.

“I don’t know…” I answered vaguely, and scrolled through my phone to Emmrich’s cell phone number. “We’ll have to see how Freddie’s Papa feels. But if I ask, you all are not allowed to be upset if he says no. Not at me, and not at him. Got it?”

“Deal!” Franny squeed, hugging Manfred around the neck.

“Deallllll!” Manfred shrieked shriller and louder, squishing his face up against hers like a lovesick puppy.

[Friday 5:30 pm]

Evie:

hey so please dont be mad but the kids are demanding a sleepover

And they want you to stay over here with us

Dr. Emmrich Volkarin (Emergency Contact):

That would be a lovely way to spend the evening hours.

Might I propose I stop by my home to retrieve the necessities Manfred and I would require for a night?

I would be quite willing to purchase a film for us to enjoy together alongside dinner, in thanks for your willingness to host such an evening.

Evie:

oh? that sounds good.

Dr. Emmrich Volkarin (Emergency Contact):

My colleagues at the hospital have suggested a splendid new Antivan restaurant tucked away in Little Arlathan.

Bellara recently visited there with a friend and highly recommended it.

Evie:

That sounds expensive. I can just make us something. I have some pizza in my freezer we could eat.

I don’t really feel like going out today. Feeling kinda tired.

Dr. Emmrich Volkarin (Emergency Contact):

It would be no trouble for me to provide for dinner, I assure you! Allow me to take some of the burden of hosting off your shoulders.

It would also be quite a favor for myself, as well. I have been quite tempted to sample their menu. Alas, I have lacked both the time and exquisite company to enjoy it thus far.

Evie:

well im not gonna stop you if you have your heart set on it. see you soon?

Dr. Emmrich Volkarin (Emergency Contact):

Wonderful. I will join you all as soon as I am able.

***

It was only when Emmrich knocked on the door that I realized I could have put more effort into my appearance. I hadn’t brushed my hair more than running my fingers through it. The only clothing I wore was a sleep tunic decked with a pink flower pattern, and the soft sleep shorts that came with it.

“Oh, well. He’s already seen me in worse.” I comforted myself, recalling that ill-fated accidental video call.

When I opened the door, the sight that greeted me was as overwhelming as it was sweet. On one arm, Emmrich had an overnight bag over his right shoulder, with a pillow tucked close to his body. In that hand he held the strings of a plastic to-go bag that looked heavy with food and a small pizza box.

In his left hand he held a bountiful bouquet of flowers with white petals. He thrust them into my shell-shocked hand so he could close the door behind him.

“I hope they are to your taste.” Emmrich explained out of breath, setting his bag down by the entrance. He continued into the kitchen and set down the great feast he had gathered for us before adding, “I passed by a stand on my way to the restaurant. These flowers looked so lovely I simply could not help myself. I noticed you had a vase without flowers to adorn it so I took the liberty to–”

“Aren’t Shroud’s Kiss…funeral flowers?” I interrupted woodenly, still blinking dumbly at the offering. I’d seen men on tv shows bring their women flowers home, but no one had ever done such a thing for me.

“Ah, I suppose that is one interpretation of them. In the language of flowers they symbolize fertility, rebirth, and long-lasting…affection.” Emmrich frowned, clearly interpreting my stunned deer-in-the-headlights look as displeasure.

He moved forward to take them from my hands with a well meaning platitude, “However, if they displease you I could dispose of them and return with–”

“No, I’ll keep them!” I’d snapped, jerking them from his reaching hands in a way that was too quick to be casual.

Emmrich smiled knowingly with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing in response besides a chaste kiss on my forehead. Then he rushed off to give Manfred a cuddle, which had Franny jealousy asking for one too. To be fair to her though, Emmrich’s hugs were the best and he always held on until you pulled away first.

The kids had happily ignored the children’s movie Emmrich had picked, too focused on the 1000 piece puzzle between them. They also devoured the medium cheese pizza and breadsticks between them as if I’d starved them all day.

Much to Emmrich’s amusement, we ate straight out of the styrofoam takeout containers because I didn’t want to do dishes. He had ordered for himself a delicious eggplant Parmesan, and for me he got a fragrant chicken Marsala served over mushrooms and linguine. He smiled boyishly when I offered him a bite of mushroom and pasta off my plastic fork. That sincere smile turned into a blooming blush when I took his own offered bite with a sultry look under my lashes. If it were up to me, we would stop beating around the bush tonight.

Our first kiss had been an unplanned one. Just a soft, sweet parting as we wished each other good night. Both of us had been chilled from a long walk in the park while Franny and Manfred raced each other to the exit. We’d held hands all the way as we followed after them after that sweet moment.

Our second was an indirect kiss of my hand, brought to Emmrich’s buttery soft lips and under his smoldering sugarcane gaze. He had taken the four of us to a much nicer arcade and fun complex than our first ill-fated meeting called Big Rico’s. Manfred and Franny had abandoned us both immediately as soon as Emmrich had loaded up their arcade card with an eye-watering amount of credits.

“So they will not have need of us awhile yet.” He’d persuaded suavely, the back of my fingertips brushing his lips in a chivalrous promise.

I’d been struck dumb in that moment, gaping at him like a fish as he had led me over to a quiet corner booth. Then he had ordered us a variety of appetizers that we slowly picked through as the children wore themselves out. By the time they drug themselves back over to us, I realized three enjoyable hours of laughter, and pleasant conversation had passed in the blink of an eye.

All too soon, the children were done inhaling the leftovers, and we were making our way home in Emmrich’s black car with the fancy leather interior that made me nervous I would mess up. It was to my immense disappointment that he had to work later that night, but at least the children were so worn out they hadn’t even argued about bedtime before we all turned in promptly at 8 pm.

Our third kiss took us both by surprise, when Emmrich spoiled us with an unplanned trip to a drive-in movie theatre. Both the kids fell asleep halfway through the first offering of a bizarre children’s movie that left both Emmrich and I puzzling over the thin trail of the plot.

During the second, shitty sci-fi movie offering, those soft shy glances over our shoulders turned into something else when our hands brushed against each other in the popcorn bucket. Much to our joint amusement, by the time the film ended, the windows in the car were fogged up on the inside and both Emmrich’s cheeks and lips were covered in my lipstick.

The fourth kiss was a passionate locking of lips, heralded by me grabbing Emmrich’s collar and dragging him down to my greedy mouth. He’d been bone-tired after a double-shift at the hospital and arrived at my door to retrieve Manfred. Something about his half-lidded drooping eyes, and the visible exhaustion across his face had me feeling something so tender inside it hurt.

“Oh, no. You are going nowhere.” I had fussed, slightly out of breath from the fabulous kissing and the unguarded lovestruck look on his face. “You’re gonna go take a shower while I make us something to eat. After we’ve all eaten, I’ll give the kids something to keep them busy, and we’re going to take a nap in my bed. You look like you’re about to fall down.”

“‘Kay?” I’d softened, after he’d not said anything for a long moment, still oddly hunched over me and his breathing fast.

“That sounds heavenly.” He’d groaned pitifully, and rested his forehead tiredly against my own furrowed brow. “Though, I would hate to impose upon your genero–”

“Good. It’s decided.” I had pushed, dragging his yielding body inside the shelter of my home. I’d already stripped him of his coat jacket and gloves before I’d added as an afterthought, “Hope you like spaghetti. I bought some meatless meatballs to try. The worst thing that happens is we don’t like them.”

An hour later, Emmrich was snoozing next to me with a clean body and a full belly. He looked so much younger when he slept. The little sigh of contentment he’d let out when I cuddle up in his arms? It left me warm all over my body from more than just shared body heat.

Franny’s ginormous yawn drew me back to the present. A quick glance at the wall clock told me it was only ten minutes after 8 pm, but both Franny and Manfred’s eyes were starting to droop.

When I started to stir from our cuddly blanket nest, dreading herding the children to bed, Emmrich pinned me with a firm suggestion that had me relaxing back against him.

“You take a moment to rest. You have looked after them all day.” Emmrich requested. “Allow me to see the children to their dreams?”

He gave me a moment to think about it. After I nodded softly, he gently eased my tucked legs off his lap to do just that. He returned victorious thirty minutes later, dressed in an oversized soft cotton t-shirt and matching drawstring sleep pants. From my horizontal perch on the couch, I decided the sight was so domestic I wanted to devour him whole.

Without words, I lifted the edge of my blanket cocoon in silent invitation. Once situated, we were chest to chest, with him flat on his back against the bottom cushions and me half-sprawled across him and the inside edge of the couch.

“Were they good for you? No fighting over which story tonight?”

“Oddly enough, they both decided on the one about the bear that likes honey too much.”

“Mmm?” I purred against his throat, pressing a few absent-minded kisses. “That sounds nice.”

“Departed to their dreams before I reached the last page.” Emmrich explained, both his warm hands rubbing circles across my back in a motion that was as soothing as it was stirring something strong in my belly.

It was when I reached up and drew his chin gently down to me that the heat between us began to creep up into something wicked. Within a few moments our soft, lingering meeting of lips transformed into something that had us both hungrily whimpering after one another in growing desperation. With my misbehaving hands lost in his hair, and his traveling dangerous low on my back, we were on a one way track to something explicitly above the family friendly movie lost in the background.

When I shifted my leg so it rested between Emmrich’s thighs, it left him groaning into our broken off kiss as I felt the evidence of how much he was enjoying himself.

“Forgive me.” He hissed in apology. “I find you irresistibly desirable. Please do not feel pressured to do anything you do not wish to do.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” I teased, my breasts pillowed against him, trailing my hand idly down his chest slowly to reach his groin. When he tensed as I toyed the edge of his sleep pants, I paused in my quest.

“You know, you are quite a silver fox, Dr. Volkarin.” I whispered sultrily against his neck, teasing a love bite. “I can’t believe someone didn’t snap you up the second you took that ring off your hand.”

“There were…interested parties.” Emmrich admitted in a soft, sighing confession.

“What if I’m interested in that gorgeous cock of yours?” I grinned against the tender skin under his ear as my hand trailed in a slower, pleasuring teasing across his groin. “I know it’s going to be just perfect in my mouth.”

Emmrich sucked in a harsh breath when I snuck both my hands up his shirt. He let it out a breathy little moan as I leisurely began kissing my way downwards, until I reached the tented object of my desire.

“If you’d let me?” I purred, waiting for his response with a seductive look over my lashes.

After he left me waiting a few breaths too long, hovering over his clothed erection, I realized two things.

First, Emmrich was staring down at me like he was in a trance. His pupils were dilated to thin bands of green and his swollen, kiss-bruised lips were parted in a barely visible gasp.

Two, even from just a peak of the base, alongside some silver hair that sprouted from his low hanging pajama pants, it was already obvious to me that he was much bigger than my ex-husband.

“You’ll feel so good in my hands.” I persuaded, tracing him through the barely-there fabric, my head pillowed on his thigh.

Emmrich just kept staring down at me like he couldn’t decide if I was a succubus coming to steal his life force, or an angel blessing him with an audience. His heady, transcendental crisis was broken when I scooted his pants down a few inches further and began exploring him.

Blushing all the way down, he stammered out through a sincere plea, “Y-you do not have to do such a thing.”

Through my answering, know-it-all grin I baited, “You gonna look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want it?”

“Of course–” Emmrich sputtered, his face turning an even darker shade of crimson, mirroring the head of him resting in my eager hands. “T-t-that is very much n-not the case.”

“Then let me do my thing?” I stated more than asked, while blinking coquettishly up at him. Slowly, I pulled his sleep pants downward until they were pooled around his ankles, and exposed all the glory that was him to my sight.

“You’re so big, I don’t even know how you’ll fit.” I praised in admiration. When he let out another pained hiss as he watched me kiss the tip of him, I added, “Gods, your cock is perfect. And you’re so hot you're near burning me.”

Then it was my turn to smolder at him, channeling every ounce of harlot in my body, as I ghosted a breath over the heat of him in a secretive whisper for just the two of us.

“Gonna be a good man for me?”

He twitched in my hands as I licked him through the miniscule opening between my lips.

“Unless you…” I pouted, nuzzling his sensitive tip with another breathey, barely-there kiss. “Don’t want it.”

Emmrich’s eyes were dropping again in bliss, and I could see the cogs in his head turning as he searched for a polite reason to deny what I knew he wanted. The truth was as plain as the blush creeping up to his ears, and the weeping head of him begging for my attention. Eventually, his broken brain managed a shaky denial.

“I…what I mean to say is…that while I do deeply desire such a precious gift you offer before me…that is not why I came tonight…my hope was–”

I interrupted the tenuous beginning of his soliloquy by taking the entire head of him into my mouth. Then to really drive my point home, I ran my skillful tongue upwards from mid-shaft to the engorged tip of him.

When he groaned in outright delight, I moaned around him in an echoed response. After a few more exploratory licks, I pulled away to gauge his reaction. When I met his eyes, the expression across his face had all my doubts about jumping-the-gun disappearing in the hazy storm clouds of desire staring back at me.

“Good?” I asked because I wanted to hear him say it.

“Good.” He agreed, mono-syllabic as all his flowery words flowed away from his tongue to pool with the rest of his blood flowing south.

“Excellent. Glad we got that figured out.” I giggled girlishly, waggling a suggestive eyebrow at him. Then as my only further instruction, I gathered my hair in a loose ponytail and held it out to him, before adding as an afterthought, “Hold this? I don’t have a scrunchie.”

Then I really got to work. With my good hand, I gently cradled his balls and kissed my way back up from root to tip. After I warmed him up with my focused, undivided attention, I took him back into my mouth.

My reward as I worked was how the always eloquent, genteel, and put-together Dr. Volkarin moaned so softly, and so earnestly it was delicious.

Humming my approval back at him, my mouth too occupied with its task to whisper the praise that longed to spill from my lips, I became oddly reflective.

As I bathed my tongue with the unique taste of him, I was pleasantly surprised Emmrich’s taste wasn’t bitter like my previous partner, but was a oddly sweet. Just as unusual, this act wasn’t the chore, but felt like a beautiful expression of budding…affection.

When his hips began to reflexively jerk in time with my best attempt to suck the soul right out of his body, I knew he was close.

“Evelyn…I…you must…” He crackled, grasping desperately through the fraying tethered thread of his control.

I continued to work him with my right hand at the base, my lips wrapped tightly around the head of him. With my searching left, I reached for the hand that wasn’t in my hair, and that had a death grip on the fraying upholstery of the beat-up, second-hand couch. When he interlaced our fingers, that was the moment when it became too much for him and he exploded in my mouth like expensive champagne.

I swallowed him down with a greediness that must have surprised him judging from the stunned, wide-eyed, owl-like stare he watched me with. He said nothing as I wiped the drool that dribbled from my chin with the back of my hand. Then I righted his pants to how they were before, and cuddled up against his still heaving chest with a deep sigh of contentment.

“That was…marvelous.” Emmrich complimented after his mind recovered. “You are a thing of beauty. A sweet torment, I would gladly suffer again and again.”

“Mmmm?” I questioned, both of us snuggly and safe under the warmth of the fuzzy blanket Emmrich had gifted me last week. “I take it that you liked it?”

A little nervous noise eked out of my throat when Emmrich’s hands reached behind me to grab the globes of my ass. It caused a silent shriek of want to race down my spine like lightning, leaving behind a trail of sparks in places I did not know existed.

“You have not the faintest inkling of how I wish my body were capable of showing you just how much I enjoyed it.” He growled against my temple, and my right hand on his torso felt the accompanying rumble somewhere deep in his chest cavity.

When his earnest hands began to trail down to my sex, my hand shot out to grab his wrists on instinct. I gasped in shock, when I realized what I had done. Then I felt my cheek heat up in embarrassment.

“It’s never felt good before.” I rushed out in a panic, as I felt the weight of Emmrich’s curiosity. “Not when he–when anyone touched me.”

Emmrich drew his hands upwards, slowly, as if doing it too quickly would spook me. Then he began rubbing those methodical, soothing circles along my spine that normally left me as putty in his hands.

“I would never force such a thing you do not desire.” He cautioned, waiting until all the sudden tension left my body. Then he added, “Though I dare say they were not doing it right, if it did not feel good to you.”

“I do–I want you to touch me but…” I confessed, my face pressed-up, hidden against his chest. “I’m worried it will hurt.”

“We will work up to it.” Emmrich answered immediately, his voice brimming with confidence and bursting with kindness. “Slowly. Leisurely. We have time.”

“Another night. Maybe we can just cuddle?” I requested, my nerves still a little frayed at the edges from my honesty. Then I lied, “I’m tired.”

“Your will is my command.” Emmrich accepted but my eagle ears detected a slight tinge of sadness and lingering questions.

“Emmrich?”

“Yes, darling dearest?” He answered with a heart-melting kiss along the crown of my head.

“There isn’t…anyone else in your life..right?”

“My heart is yours to wield, and my bed is yours to rule.” He replied in a tone as besotted as it was love-drunk.

“Good. Same goes for me double.” I answered, and luxuriated in the gorgeous feeling of him gently petting my hair as my eyelids grew heavier.

I would just rest my eyes for a few minutes…

***

If I had ever worried if Emmrich would treat me differently once sex was brought into the equation, I shouldn’t have.

After our late night moment, Franny and Manfred woke us up, bright and early, at 6 am begging for breakfast.

When I blearily sat up and unsteadily crumpled to the floor, Emmrich decided he would be the one to make the food. So while I entertained the energetic hooligans as they chittered merrily at me, he whipped up a generous helping of pancakes.

“Mr. Freddie’s Papa, you make these better than Mama. She always burns them.”

“Thank you, baby.” I replied sarcastically, but it flew over her head. “Make sure you clean your plate. You too, Freddie.”

“Thank!” Manfred chirped loudly in excitement, and I didn’t miss when Emmrich dropped a pancake on the floor in surprise.

“Yes, Freddie-baby.” I praised softly. “It’s good to say thank you when someone does something nice for us. Like making breakfast. What good manners you have.”

“Manners!” He echoed in a screech that I knew would have the neighbors upset through the paper-thin walls.

Chapter Text

In revealing my hesitation to move further in the uncharted waters of our physical relationship, Emmrich took it upon himself to tempt me to have a serious rethink. This man was doing everything in his power but fucking me into my mattress, and it was refreshingly confusing.

An innocent thing like meeting for brunch, featuring chaste hand holding and the innocent batting of eyelashes, somehow morphed to making out in the back seat of his car. With one of his knees between my thighs, Emmrich mouthed the filthiest daydreams against my ear in the seclusion of the deserted parking garage. As our lingering, long kisses faded into heavy petting, a nervous tension soon filled me.

When I attempted to move things further, Emmrich wouldn’t have it. He simply righted my clothes, gave me a devastating last kiss, before he was ushering us back towards my home with the excuse that Bellara was to return with Manfred shortly.

With Emmrich about to start his 3rd night shift in a row, we parted at my apartment door. I had just unlocked it and turned to give him a ‘good luck’ goodbye kiss when Emmrich pulled me into a sudden embrace that had leftover sparks surging once again.

“It has been ages since I engaged in such delightful activities.” He assured me, hugging me close.

“We don’t have to go this slow.” I joked lamely, a nervous insecurity creeping up leaving me wound too tight on the inside. “I don’t want you getting bored of me.”

“Nonsense. Grow bored? Of the most incredible woman in Thedas? Never.” Emmrich teased good naturedly, dropping a kiss into my hair. “I enjoyed myself immensely, if you harbored any such doubts.”

***

A few days later, Doctor Volkarin paid a house call when a sudden migraine put a hard stop on our afterschool walk in the park. Armed with Antivan take-out once again, he dazzled the children when he unveiled a selection of child appropriate movies for them to choose from. With the littles fed and occupied, we retreated to hide in the cool, dark cave that was my bedroom. With his nose buried in his e-reader, dimmed so low as to not further aggravate my migraine, one of his hands performed acupressure to relieve my suffering.

As I hovered in that twilight between dreams and feeling poorly, Emmrich read aloud as we devoured his latest sci-fi novel.

With the perfect pressure he banished the lingering ache caged within my skull, his thumb moving down the center of my forehead to rest just above my nose. He repeated the process back up, and alternated tracing my eyebrows as he did so. With my head pillowed on his lap, more relaxed than I had ever been, I was duped into falling asleep.

I awoke the next morning to an empty apartment with a horrible case of bead head, all my laundry washed, my fridge rearranged, and a plate of Orlesian toast waiting for me on the kitchen island. A finely written note accompanied it, the penmanship immaculate.

Good morning my darling,

I did not have the heart to disturb you this morning with how deeply you slept. I have seen to both Francesca and Manfred. Both were appropriately dressed and fed, and Franny will be dropped off at school . Bellara was delighted to take Manfred for the day.

Should you need anything I will leave my phone volume up.

Yours,

Emmrich

“Good. Fucking. Night.” I whispered to no one in particular as I plotted to jump his bones the second I saw him next. “Try not to fuck this up, Evie. That man is husband material. Too good for you, but husband material none the less.”

***

Later that week after hitting up the food trucks we tired the kids out on a long family walk along the river bank. With Manfred content from his two fried cheese dogs and Franny busy with her newly acquired dollhouse, with all the accessories from the charity shop, Emmrich and I found ourselves horizontal on the expensive leather couch.

With my head pillowed on his chest, Emmirch’s hands lazily played with my hair as the children played sweetly at our feet. Periodically he bestowed kisses to the crown of my head as we basked in each other’s warmth.

When retired to his bedroom after the children’s bedtime, it did not take long before the smoldering tension between us from earlier blossomed into something steamy.

With my hand wrapped around his cock, and Emmrich’s mouth sucking a love bite into my neck, what bubbled out of me was a breathy set of giggles.

“Dr. Volkarin, I have a serious problem.”

Emmrich paused mid-thrust.

“Darling, I do not favor the direction that this is going–”

I laughed, and continued grinding against his thigh caged between my legs.

“You see this cock right here? I want it to be mine. I don’t want to share it. I want it long, hard, and inside me. Right. Now. Any objections?”

Emmrich's blissed-out face blinked up at me a handful of times before my joy overflowed into another string of giggles.

“Cat got your tongue, Doc?” I teased in a silky whisper, “You can borrow mine if you can’t find yours.”

Emmrich’s smile was slow, and thoughtful.

“Tempting as that offer might be, I do have a singular objection.”

He tipped me over so I was now on my back and my legs were over Emmrich’s shoulders.

“I would be quite remiss to advance to the heavens without first worshiping at the altar.” He grinned wolfishly, hovering over my unclothed sex. “Turnabout is fair play, or so I have heard. Objections?”

I couldn’t help but laugh more, turning my face away to hide the blush overtaking me.

“What am I gonna do, get more pregnant?”

His devotion was as thorough as it was patient.

***

A family movie night found me snoozing on Emmrich lap, his arms wrapped affectionately around me in an impromptu hug. As the children munched on popcorn from the communal bowl, Manfred was sweet enough to feed me pieces periodically. Whenever I dozed off, and Emmrich snuck soft kisses on my eyelids. By the time children wandered off to Manfred’s new bunkbeds, our innocent snuggles turned molten.

First, his questing fingers found their way under my purposely too short skirt,teasing around the edges of my underwear but no further as the movie aimlessly replayed on the screen.

Then his mouth found its way to lave my breast with kisses under my rucked up shirt.

It consistently amazed me the duality of this man. How in one moment he could be incredibly sweet to the children, hugging them close and reading a betime story like it was a great drama unfolding–and in the next minute, he was whispering the dirtiest fantasy known to men as he fucked me on his thigh.

“I am no blushing virgin. You don’t have to coddle me like this.”

“I will learn your pleasure before penetration is brought into the equation.”

“So, no orgasms for me then?” I wondered aloud, half curious and half frustrated.

“Oh, my darling girl. Much can be achieved if one’s partner is skilled.” His answering smile was wicked. “Yes. That’s it. Use my hand. Rock yourself–Yes. Good girl. You are magnificent. Goddess divine gracing a mortal coil.”

“I can take your cock.” I argued. “I’ll get used to it.”

“We shall not consummate our physical relationship until you are beyond ready.”

His fingers curled to tease the entrance of my sopping wet cunt, but lingered without breaching where I wished him most. It was not enough. It was too much. My orgasm was earth-shatteringly blissful and empty.

***

The next morning, I woke up to a still sleeping Emmrich’s hardness pressed against my back. With a grin a mile wide, I brought him to a slow alertness by rubbing the globes of my ass against him, my lacy thong the only thing separating us. Instead of taking advantage like I wanted, Emmrich surprised me once again when he thrust his cock not inside my weeping core but between my thighs instead. With a moan as sleepy as it was hot, Emmrich’s delicate fingers descended to tease my clit.

“What a tremendous achievement it will be when you come around my cock.” Emmrich whispered, his voice husky from sleep. “We shall celebrate the occasion. Perhaps with a cake.”

We continued rutting against each other until we were both huffing, moaning messes, and the space between my thighs was sticky.

When I attempted to remove myself to his shower, Emmrich drew me back to bed with a firm hand.

Soon I was once again on my back with Emmrich hovering between my thighs.

“A gentleman always cleans up after himself.”

The excitement was thrilling. It was new that another’s touch could leave me breathless and my heart pounding.

It was in that moment, as Emmrich descended on me that I decided I had enough waiting. That next time…? Next time would be our moment.

Chapter Text

With Emmrich on the graveyard shift at the hospital yet again, the children and I had a blast exploring the aisles of our local big box store. With ominous clouds darkening the skies, ruining our chance of a walk in the park, we three had unanimously decided to kill time until bed with the enrichment found within the giant warehouse’s walls.

We made our own fun by admiring all the displays, and trying out each piece of furniture we passed. We discovered Manfred was a fan of hammocks but Franny preferred the hanging egg chair large enough for three people. It was near the size of my entire kitchen. I had no doubt she would haggle Emmrich into purchasing it in the near future for Manfred’s room.

Manfred and Franny had been especially delighted with their ‘pizza bites.’ I had invented them by tearing a giant slice of food court pizza into bite size strips and dividing it into two small water cups. The children happily munched on them as we meandered aimlessly through the aisles, strategically filling our bellies with all the free samples on offer.

I was just happy there was no mess to clean up, and that I didn't have to cook. While my first trimester nausea had calmed from a roiling boil to a slow simmer, things remained shaky in the uncharted waters of my aversions.

Just the other night, when Emmrich and I had been so close to consummating our relationship, the lingering scent of his aftershave had sent me scrambling to empty my stomach of the fine dinner he had cooked for us. He’d been nothing but sweet to me after, which made me feel all the worse about it.

After we had finally tired ourselves out, the children and I had fallen asleep with the radio playing, snuggled up together under a heated blanket on low.

So wrapped up in our little domestic bubble, I had forgotten my first lesson that I had the displeasure of learning when I was not much older than Franny. I knew better than to get my hopes up. Always. Always. When my mood was high, and things began to look so bright they were near blinding…

I never learned my lesson about being too happy.

Because if I had learned anything throughout my short life it was this: the only constant was when you found yourself flying too close to the sun–the freefall back down to earth was a son-of-a-bitch.

My shaking hands found my phone in the darkness of the tangled bedsheets. Franny and Manfred remained dead to the world, still blissfully lost to their peaceful dreams. My hands were still sticky from the traces of blood I had wiped on the outside of my nightgown. My phone stared back at me, my terrified expression reflected in my trembling grip before I put in my password.

I called Varric first. After eight agonizing rings, his voice came on the line.

“Hey, you’ve reached Tethras. If this is my agent inquiring about my latest project–it’s going great. No need to pester. You know I’m always good with my deadlines. Don’t rush me, Bartrand. If this is anyone else, leave your name and number and I’ll call you back. Bye.”

When the line beeped, I tried to talk but all that came out was a wet gasp. I took two deep breaths before I tried again.

“Varric...” I pleaded, my voice caged tight from the dread threatening to suffocate me. “I really need you to call me back. Something–it’s bad. Really bad.”

The voicemail hung up on me with a beep. Frozen in shock, I spent a long moment staring at my phone screen.

Then, for the first time in months, I called Marian. She didn’t answer either.

“Marian–I’m sorry.” My voice trembled, trying to think of what to say as repressed feelings pounded at the door of my heart. “For lying. For hiding things. For not telling the truth when you deserved it. Sorry for everything, but please…please be mad at me later. Marian–”

I stifled the sob clawing its way up my throat on the hand I thrust into my mouth.

“Marian…” I cried, feeling all but nine years old as I clutched my phone. “I’m scared.”

I was still sobbing into the back of my hand when the call disconnected.

When I pulled myself together, my phone told me two unpleasant things: it was four a.m., and I had 10% battery left.

When I scrolled over to Emmrich’s contact and hit the button, it didn’t even reach the fifth ring before he was answering.

“Evelyn?” Something in Emmrich’s calm, collected voice tinged with concern soothed some of that panicky feeling inside me. “Are you alright? The children?”

“Hey–Yeah, Freddie and Franny are fine.” My voice came out raspy, and awkward with hesitation. “Uhm, so–So…I figured I needed to c…call you.

Emmrich locked in instantly. “Evelyn, what is wrong?”

The charged silence stretched as I struggled finding the words.

“Evelyn…You are scaring me.”

“I’m–” I tried, but it broke on a hiccupy sob. “I’m bleeding.”

“I will be there in twenty minutes.” Emmrich decreed, and I heard rustling on his end signifying he was packing up. “The majority of my patients have been seen to and my colleague would be willing to handle those remaining.”

The flash of relief was ruined when I thought of Franny waking without me. She still had setbacks from the month I spent in the hospital in Kirkwall.

“The children–do I wake them? We can’t leave them by themselves.”

Emmrich solved this problem decisively.

“I have no doubt Bellara would be willing to watch them, considering the circumstances. I shall call her momentarily. ”

“Okay.” It came out shaky, and unsure.

“Evelyn?”

“Yeah?”

“It is going to be alright.”

This platitude meant to comfort instead scraped against scar tissue and awoke something ugly inside me.

“Don’t say shit you can’t know.” My whisper was mean, and angrier than I intended. “I know an empty promise when I hear one. I was a foster kid. You’ll tell me the hard truth, and nothing but. Don’t you dare lie to me.”

“I…understand.” Emmrich answered after a stunned moment, clearly taken aback from my unexpected response. “I will call you when I am almost there.”

“You’ll have to come to the door. My phone is almost dead. I–I don’t know where the charger is right now. And I don’t want to wake the kids up looking for it.”

“I will be there as soon as I can.”

***

Emmrich ushered me past the waiting room of the Emergency Department with the flash of a badge, much to the displeasure of the packed room behind us. At our sudden entrance, someone stood up from behind the nurses station.

“Johanna told us to expect you, Dr. Volkarin.” The middle aged elf with a kind face replied serenely, as if nothing was wrong in the world. “My name is Margaret. Dr. Lavellen is set to begin her shift in thirty minutes. She will be with you shortly, if you would be willing to wait in the exam room for her.”

“Yes, we will.” Emmrich answered when I stared silently at the nurse a moment too long. He drew a comforting arm around me, leading me towards the room Margaret gestured towards. “She is the most skilled OB on staff. Her expertise would be most welcome.”

After intake paperwork had been sorted, and preliminary bloodwork had been taken, Emmrich and I were left alone in the private room. I had crawled up on the too-short exam bed, and Emmrich had taken a seat in the empty chair next to me. When he reached for my hand, I pulled away from him.

“Who is Johanna?” I asked, turning my back on Emmrich's questioning expression. “That nurse spoke like you would know who that was.”

If my rejection of his offered comfort upset him, he said nothing about it.

“My ex-wife and I are still on good terms. After I spoke with Bellara, I called her. She oversees the Emergency Department of our hospital. She was more than willing to pull some strings to have us seen immediately.”

I said nothing at his answer, but nodded my head to show I was listening.

“Are you in pain?” Emmrich offered kindly, reaching up to rub my back. “I can arrange some medicine to be brought if that is the case.”

I defensively curled in on myself at the unwelcome touch. Emmrich withdrew his hand with a disappointed sigh.

“When all this is over you should lose my number.” I ordered, even as a silent tear streaked down my cheek onto the sterile pillow under my head. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

My statement rang out like a gunshot in the quiet room–plunging both of us into shocked silence.

I regretted my words immediately. I bit my lip. Hard. To keep myself from breaking out into pitiful sobbing. I had done enough crying in the car.

“If that is what you wish.” Emmrich replied patiently, but with an undertone of how distasteful he thought the idea was. “We can discuss such matters when we have more evidence before us. You are in a fragile state at the moment, Evelyn. Allow such decisions to be made when cooler heads–”

“I’m miscarrying.” I interrupted. “That’s what happens, right? A woman starts bleeding and then–no more babies. Happens all the time. No need to get anyone's hopes up for a miracle. They just didn’t stick. We both move on. You get Bellara to try for you, like you planned.”

The weight of Emmrich’s intense, probing gaze was suffocating, even if I couldn’t see it.

“Do you always jump to the worst conclusions? Is that a protective coping mechanism you employ?”

“Things can’t hurt you if you already see them coming down the pike.” If I dared to face him now, he would see my soul bared before him, I had no doubt. “We both know there is no such thing as happy endings. It all ends one way.”

Emmrich’s answering silence was worse than his questions, because it meant he was thinking. Turning over my words a million different ways. His brilliant mind was almost audible as he pondered my statement, inspecting it for all it was and what it wasn’t.

“You mentioned that your phone was in need of a charger?” He eventually asked. “I have one in my bag that will suffice, surely. ”

I fished it out of my pocket, and passed it to him without comment. He took it from my hands and was still plugging it in when the door opened. Emmrich and I both turned to see a petite elven woman clothed in a white coat with a small, professional smile plastered across her tired face.

“Hello, I am Dr. Lavellan.” The woman with long brown hair piled atop her head with a claw clip announced. “I regret the circumstances, but it is nice to finally make your acquaintance, Dr. Volkarin. Your reputation precedes you.”

“Likewise.” Emmrich answered curtly as he extended his hand to accept her polite hand shake. “Any relation to Dr. Solas Lavellan?”

“Unfortunately. We are divorced, thank the gods. Cost me an arm financially though.” She answered quickly. Then her smile brightened as she cut to the chase. “I was briefed on the situation earlier. I have already looked over her bloodwork and suggest we perform an ultrasound to narrow our window of concerns.”

Within five minutes, the machine had been wheeled in and the scan was started. Kinder than I deserved, Emmrich took my trembling hand into his warm one with a pained smile. The squeezing fist of dread around my heart loosened its hold, if only a little.

The atmosphere remained tense as the doctor carefully maneuvered around my slightly rounded belly.

“Ah, there they are. Both of them. Looking perfect.” Dr. Lavellan breathed out in relief, another small smile overtaking her face. “I don’t see any problems with the placentas or anything else that concerns me at this moment. Bleeding can sometimes occur spontaneously. Has there been any pain?”

“No.” I watched the two little forms on the monitor, shocked at the sight of them. “No pain.”

“Good. Monitor it. If the bleeding doesn’t stop, have your–” The doctor paused awkwardly to watch our faces for a moment, and then peaked down at her notes. “Have your partner bring you back in. I see that you are due for another scan next week. In the meantime, I am prescribing more rest. I can see from your eyes that you’ve not been getting enough. And your blood pressure was high too, so try to limit stress as best you can.”

“Thank you, Dr. Lavellan.” Emmrich replied for the both of us again. “We shall follow up should any further symptoms arise.”

“Good.” Lavellan agreed. Then she turned to my belly and teased, “You hear that in there? Keep misbehaving and your mommy will end up on bed rest.”

Her face fell when she looked back up at me.

“I’ll give you two a moment. You can leave when you are ready.”

She exited quickly, leaving Emmrich and I to simply look at each other, both of us clearly feeling somewhat lost and unsure.

“I thought…” I blubbered at him, failing to hold back more tears. “I thought it was all over. Before it had even really begun.”

There were no I told you so’s. No recrimination for my harsh outbursts. Emmrich simply raised his hand to my tear stained cheek in silent support, his large thumb brushing the treks away.

“Evidently not. I must admit quite selfishly that this is the outcome I was hoping for, but…if it is not what you desire–”

“No!” I all but shrieked in fright, rubbing my face against his hand as more tears fell. “I–I just…you’ve been so nice to me–to both of us. Me and Franny. And I knew that if it was over, you’d have no reason to be nice to us anymore. And she was gonna be so disappointed when–she loves spending time with Manfred.”

For a singular moment, I was that young girl again. Clutching my trash bag of clothes in one hand and the unyielding grip of the social worker in the other. A desperate hunger in my belly for more than a hot meal. For home to mean more than the cherished, threadbare teddy in my too small arms.

“Evelyn.” Emmrich took my face in both his hands. His smile was as sincere as it was sad. “I do not wish for our relationship to be transactional. I would love to think that you now count me as a friend, rather than the adversary you perceived me to be in the beginning.”

My face scrunched up from the sheer amount of emotion welling up in me the longer we looked at each other. I nodded wordlessly as more silent tears trekked down my face.

“More than a friend.” I managed after a minute, my words slurred but understandable.

Before we could say anything more, my phone started ringing so loudly that it started both of us. By the time Emmrich got it over to me, I had missed it. When I saw who it was, my eyes boggled.

“Oh shit. That was Varric. He’s called me like 15 times.”

I immediately called back and he answered on the first ring.

“Kid! Fucking finally.” Varric cursed, but the sheer amount of relief in his voice was palpable. “You scared the shit out of us. Please, tell me you and Franny are all right.”

“Oh, yeah. We’re okay. Everyone is okay.” I answered, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. “Something happened with the babies, but it’s okay for now. I’m still at the hospital but they are sending me home. Sorry I scared you. My phone died earlier. I forgot to charge it.”

“Of course you did.” Varric sighed, a low whistling thing with a dry sarcastic laugh at the end. Then there I overheard a woman’s voice, but it was too garbled to make out the words.

“No, Marian. A scare it sounds like. Evie is okay.”

What I heard next could only be described as the wounded wailing of someone fucking loosing it.

“Oh, Marian…Babe–Shit.” Varric's next sigh was pained and tired. “Look kid, if nothing is on fire…I’m gonna need to call you back. You call me if anything changes.”

“Okay, Varric.” A ghost of a smile lit my face when I accepted that he wasn’t too furious at me. “I’ll make sure it’s charged next time. Promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it, kid–wait, is he there with you?”

“Yeah…?”

“Give him the phone.”

“I’ll put you on speaker.”

“No, just him.”

I blinked at the odd request, and then handed the phone wordlessly over to Emmrich.

“Mr. Tethras, I presume?”

Whatever Varric had to say apparently involved a lot of listening, rather than talking between the two of them.

“I see. Thank you for the information.” Emmrich replied graciously, even as his whiskey-hazel eyes narrowed. “In your place, I imagine I would feel similarly. I would also desire to draw a line into the sand as well, if the situation were reversed.”

As Varric continued to talk at him, Emmrich’s expression softened. His questioning eyes raked over me with a burning curiosity. Inexplicably, I worried that he would tell Varric about the plasma donation fiasco a few weeks back. Or unweave the truth from how I’d spun it when Franny called Varric weeks before after I’d passed out in the bathroom.

“I will tell her.” Emmrich promised as a pleasant smile bloomed on his face. “I understand. You have my word. I look forward to speaking again with you soon.”

“What did Varric tell you?” I demanded when Emmrich started fiddling with my phone, rather than getting our shit together so we could leave.

My anxious mind was racing, running wild with the thousand things Varric could have told Emmrich. That man knew enough about me to be dangerous, much more than I had ever told anyone.

When Emmrich finished what he was doing, he finally looked up at me and caught my hand that was digging into my thigh.

“Varric will call in a few hours to check on you. If you had not answered, both himself and Captain Hawke were poised to fly to Nevarra city with the intent to more than pay you a visit.” Emmrich’s hand tightened around mine before he forced his grip to relax. “I am paraphrasing his words, but he cautioned that should instances like these continue to occur, he insists you return to Kirkwall so they can keep a closer eye on you.”

“That–That’s insane. I’m not going back to Kirkwall right now. Franny just got settled at school and I–”

With the message delivered, Emmrich returned my phone to me with a cheery smile.

“He also needlessly informed me of both yourself and Francesca's love of breakfast food. I think we are all deserving of a hearty meal after such a stressful night.”

***

Emmrich pulled into the golden arches just as the lights booted up on their sign.

“Hi, what can I get started for you today?” The teenager over the intercom asked, far too chipper for 6 am.

“Hello. Yes, I would like two orders of the children’s breakfast tray with turkey sausage, scrambled eggs and chocolate chip pancakes. I would also like two additional orders of blueberry pancakes as well.” Emmrich answered, and then turned to me expectantly. “What would you like, my dear?”

His inclusion of an endearment after I’d behaved so awfully gave me pause, but I said nothing about it.

“A bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. And a large, vanilla coffee. Iced.”

Emmrich turned back to the speaker.

“One decaf and two regular iced coffees. All vanilla.”

“That decaf better be for you.” I tsked ominously.

Emmrich’s face puckered into a tight frown as he drove forward to the first window.

“You're gonna tell me I can’t have coffee…aren’t you?”

“The best practice is to limit caffeine as much as possible. It affects the development of the fetus in utero.”

“How bad are we talking?”

“It can lead to lower birth weight, cause miscarriage in some cases, and other ill effects.”

“Shit.” I cursed, and hung my aching head in my hands.

“Indeed. Not good.” Emmrich agreed. “It can be distressing news.”

My answering laugh was one of disbelief.

“So it’s a no for that line of cocaine too, right?” I deadpanned.

“Please do not joke about such things.” Emmrich groaned. “The things I have seen as a physician and attempt to forget.”

“All I’m saying is that people do hard drugs while pregnant…so I feel like one teeny-tiny cup of coffee once and a while can’t be that bad.”

When Emmrich was accepting our order from the overworked teenager, something occurred to me that made my mood turn sharply sour.

“Emmrich, did I cause this to happen? Because I had…so much coffee recently.”

Emmrich frowned somberly at my question as he pulled out of the fast food place and sped us towards my apartment.

“As you previously stated, some women do indeed continue their…addictions into pregnancy. Even if your caffeine intake had some effect on the outcome of tonight, you cannot blame yourself for something you did not know.”

***

When we got home, the kids were still asleep. Bellara was sprawled across my lumpy couch. She was grateful for the extra order of coffee and pancakes Emmrich so kindly thought to include for her.

I had excused myself to freshen up in the restroom for a few minutes, and by the time I returned, she had already left.

Emmrich had already moved a still sleeping Franny and Manfred to the couch.

“Please, go get some rest.” Emmrich advised, handing me the small bag containing my biscuit. “I will look after the children when they rise. I will ensure they eat something and are safely occupied.”

I was exhausted. I could feel a migraine forming between my eyes, and my whole self felt like a string instrument strung too tight.

“Don’t you have to work tonight?” I questioned worriedly, looking at the bags under his own eyes. “You must not have slept for at least 18 hours at this point. That’s not fair to you.”

“It is no matter.” Emmrich insisted. “I shall take my rest later today. It is only fair that you should sleep a few hours more.”

When I opened my mouth to argue, Emmrich simply shook his head at me and shushed me with a kiss.

“Allow me to look after you. As the father of your children, I have made promises I intend to keep. ”

It was only after I laid down and checked my phone that I realized Emmrich had shared his contact information with Varric. I had been asleep for what felt like five minutes before Franny was waking me up.

“Mama, I made you a get well card. Freddie helped.”

“Oh? That was sweet of you both.”

“Manfred’s Papa is taking us to the park.”

“He is?” I echoed confusedly, still disoriented from sleep.

When I opened my eyes, Franny had already disappeared.

I zombie shuffled out of my comfy sheets to see had transpired in my absence.

Once again, Emmrich had picked up after me without my asking. The kitchen, living room, and bathroom were spotless. The floors were clear of debris, the mess of clean clothes I hadn’t gotten around to were now folded neatly in the laundry basket, and the dirty dishes in the sink had been washed and left out to dry. Emmrich had even set up the bookshelf I had left in the box for months. It stood proudly in the corner, already home to the library books the kids had picked out earlier that week.

While I had slept, Franny and Manfred had clearly benefitted from some new toys as well.

“Where did all this come from?” I asked, taking in the new activity table and multiple sets of freshly opened markers.

“Manfred’s papa ordered them.” Franny answered excitedly, already holding up a drawing to show me. “Someone brought them to the door! Just like the groceries!”

It was then Emmrich emerged from the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes.

“Oh, you are awake already?” He asked in surprise, still towel drying his hair after a quick shower. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Not tired.”

“Marvelous.” Emmrich smiled, his white teeth dazzling in the light of my freshly cleaned apartment. “I took it upon myself to tidy a bit while you were resting. I find keeping my hands busy a necessity.”

“Outside, now?” Manfred asked, pulling on Emmrich’s hand. “Promised.”

“Shall we all go?” Emmrich offered, his eyes on my expression. “Enjoy the fresh air and the sunshine?”

Manfred echoed, “Sunshine!”

“Seems like I’m overruled.” I laughed. “But Franny, Garahel has to stay here. He can only go through the wash so many times before he’s going to need patching up.”

“Garahel?” Emmrich’s brow furrowed. “Like the hero of the Fourth Blight?”

“Yeah!” Franny screeched far too excitedly, waving her stuffed golden halla in front of her to catch his attention. “He’s the halla you won for me. At the arcade where Freddie and I met.”

“Oh?” Emmrich’s eyes crinkled in joy at the corners from the tender way he smiled at Franny. “Quite the namesake, that one.”

“Yes, and he can wait on your bed until we get back home, ‘kay Franny?”

“Okay…” Franny reluctantly agreed, before speeding off to tuck him in.

Manfred ran off with her for a second, before he stopped.

“Freddie? Eveythin–” I started, but then almost fell over from fierceness of the grip Manfred had on my legs.

“Oh, thank you Freddie-baby.” I huffed in surprise. Then I ruffled his hair a bit for good measure. “I needed that hug today.”

Manfred grunted in agreement before he decided he had enough and took off after Franny.

“Well, isn’t he full of surprises?” I joked. When I looked back at Emmrich, my breath caught.

I’d seen what lust looked like on a man. What hunger would do to a man’s eyes when he looked at a woman he desired. I’d seen how the tinge of jealousy would warp affection into something violent that made your belly twist in fear.

I wasn’t familiar with what was written across Emmrich’s face. The closest reference I had was how Varric would watch Marian when her back was turned.

That still wasn’t close enough to the softness of Emmrich’s expression. Real life men didn’t look at women like that. They only did that in movies with women they adored and couldn’t have. Like they were the moon in their starry night sky. For just how long had Emmrich been looking at me like…?

“Come, love.” Emmrich fussed, wrapping one of his lanky arms around me. “You will need your jacket. The temperature will drop steeply once the sun sets.”

“Okay, but I think it’s only fair we stop by that pastry truck.” I agreed, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. “I suppose I could agree to your conditions if there is a hot chocolate involved.”

“Such a thing can surely be arranged.”

I grinned mischievously and leaned in close to whisper in his ear.

“And maybe when we come home, before you take your pre-work nap…I can show you how much I appreciate the father of my children looking after everything today.”

Chapter Text

“Gods, my shoulders are killing me.” I complained in a drawn out sigh, stretched out across Emmrich’s king size bed.

In the past month, I had brute forced myself through accelerated sections of Chemistry and English while Emmrich was working nights and the kids were asleep. That stretch of long nights and short cat naps were catching up with me. The more the twins grew within me, the more nervous I became about their impending arrival. It was one thing to accept that my life was going to change in the future. It was something else entirely to accept that my life was going to change in 5 months. I still had so many credits to get under my belt to make sure I got my money’s worth this semester, and with the way the program worked it incentivized me to blow through them as fast as possible.

“Indeed?” Emmrich called from his closet, still picking out his pajamas. With his hair freshly washed and dried from his after-work shower, he emerged in a silkily soft burgundy set that matched the shirt I had stolen for myself.

“Yeah. I have all these knots from studying. That last research paper was a nightmare.”

“Remedied easily enough.” Emmrich soothed with an easy smile, his warm hands already inching up my back as he joined me on the bed.

As Emmrich got to work, I soaked up the peaceful ambiance of Emmrich’s rooms like it was an oasis in a desert. Gentle ambiance played from the tv of some classical violin compilation from a composer Emmrich enjoyed. Safely tucked behind a plane of glass, a small fire smouldered in the electric grate to ward off the creeping evening chill of Autumn.

Emmrich’s second floor condo was in the ritziest part of town. He had once shared the gargantuan four bedroom space with his ex-wife Johanna. It was a convenient fifteen minute jaunt from Mourn Watch Memorial, which had worked perfectly for the busy doctors’ schedules. It had a large lobby entrance, full of columns and marble. Even had a doorman who guarded the entrance like he was running a prison yard rather than access to living spaces. If Emmrich had not sent Vorgoth a picture of me ahead of time, I don’t think the burly seven foot giant would have let me through, even with little Manfred to vouch for me.

My head lolled forward listlessly into the soft mattress as Emmrich’s healing hands worked their magic. Things shifted divinely when his big thumb dug into a particularly stubborn knot. My answering appreciative cry was more cat-in-heat than that’s-the-spot.

“You poor darling,” Emmrich tutted roguishly. “You are tense. Your knots have knots. Dr. Lavellan advised in our follow up appointment that you not push yourself so hard.”

“I’m doing my best.” I replied, but the defensiveness soon melted under his tender touch. “Good thing I have a doctor in the house. Glad he’s here to lend a hand–oooh, right there–”

“Happy to be of service.” He chuckled, shifting his attention to the space between my shoulder blades.

“Mmph!” I whimpered. His bonfire touch had something tight releasing in my back that left me gasping like a fish out of water.

“That’s it. Lean into my touch.” Emmrich praised, a smug smile in his voice. “I have you well in hand.”

“I didn’t know you moonlighted as a chiropractor.” I teased around a breathy groan.

Emmrich froze, and then my heart was pounding from the urgency he used to flip me from my stomach onto my back.

“Do not ever allow such a charlatan to touch you.” He demanded, his steely sugarcane eyes serious as the grave. “I am a medical man. I hold both the education and expertise as such that I could take a skeleton apart and rearrange it from the ground up with perfect accuracy and alignment.”

At this sudden turn of events, I merely stared up at him in stunned shock, blown away with the passion and sheathed aggression in his fiery gaze. My cool, collected, mild-mannered doctor was truly upset at my innocent suggestion. It had my already aching core absolutely drenched at the sight.

“Hot.” I grinned wickedly in pleasure.

Then I hooked my legs around him and pulled–knocking him off balance. This wasn’t my wisest move, because had he not reflexively caught himself on his elbows, he might have squished my growing bump.

“Evelyn.” He reprimanded with an irritated growl, his frown showing just how unfunny he thought the faux pau was.

“Oops, sorry babies. Bad Mama.” I giggled teasingly, my mouth twisting up in the tiniest, guiltiest smile.

It bloomed into a downright evil grin when I began to mischievously grind my clothed cunt against Emmrich’s rapidly hardening bulge.

“I couldn’t help it. I like it when you talk shop. Tell me more about how you want to rearrange my bones–I mean my insides.”

Emmrich bit his lip to hold back a wispy groan that bubbled up from the clothed friction between us.

“You should go slow.” I chuckled suggestively. “Big words confuse me, after all.”

“Real. Real slow. Painfully slow. Achingly slow.” I whispered huskily. Then I shifted my hips so the clothed head of him pressed against the seam of my lacy underwear and it had both of us groaning at the sensation. “Really put me through the wringer.”

When I reached down and moved my underwear to the side the clothed head of him kissed my entrance and I let out a little, breathy sigh of want.

“Heavens.” Emmrich honest-to-gods whimpered.

“Emmrich...” I whined, drawing his name out a few beats longer than necessary. “Please. I’ve been so good. Let’s try just the tip. I can do it.”

“I am unsure if that would be wise.” He answered, bowing his head so it rested above my heart. Then he released a long-suffering sigh. “I do not wish that our hardwon progress regresses for the simple reason we are impatient this night.”

I seethed out a frustrated groan at the thought and how fucking right he was. Emmrich had been militant about preparing me for further sexual intimacy. In between bouts of our non-penitrative love making, we’d been practicing with toys to better prepare me and stretch me.

The saga had begun weeks ago, the very next night after our very memorable rendezvous on my ancient couch. Emmrich had gallantly offered to host Franny and I for the night. He had whipped up a delightful dinner of breakfast foods, much to Franny and Manfred’s delight. Once our bellies were full, he’d given me a chaste peck on the lips, and occupied the children for a few hours with a rousing volley of board games. I had grinned ear to ear at their little giggles and silliness that trickled down the hall, grateful for a chance to get a head start on my coursework.

Emmrich had only interrupted me when he began ushering our droopy-eyed little hooligans to bed for story time.

“Please, feel free to add whatever tools or products that arouse your interest.” He requested while pawning off his phone to me as Franny impatiently tugged on his hand. “I have added a few worthwhile suggestions that might prove fruitful.”

My eyes had boogled when I realized that Emmrich had tasked me with browsing an adult website full of self-pleasure toys. Amongst the many things he’d already cobbled together was a set of rainbow colored dilators, various lubricants, and a bubblegum pink vibrator.

The same bubblegum pink vibrator Emmrich was now drawing from his drawer of wonders tucked within his nightstand.

“Emmrich…” I drawled petulantly, even as my lips parted in an excited huff at the sight of the bottle of lube he retrieved to pair with it.

“Patience, my darling.” Emmrich counseled, even as I was already shimmying my underwear down my thighs. “We’ve no rush. The children are asleep. We’ve all the time in the world.”

I snorted at the idea of being patient.

“No, no, no. No more patience.” I argued as I rolled his pants down until his glistening, weeping member emerged. “It’s been weeks of stretches, and dilators, and you driving me absolutely crazy with everything else but your cock.”

“Evelyn, I do not wish to see you in pain.” Emmrich grimaced into a cut off groan as my hand worked him. “I–we must be gentle. Gently, gently easing you into–”

“Gods, I don’t want you to be gentle.” I griped as frustrated tears misted along my lashes. “I don’t want you to have to be gentle.”

At my plea, something in Emmrich’s dismissive, defensive posture softened.

“Evelyn…” His whisper was reverent and persuasive. “If we indeed pursue such a step, you must inform me immediately if you feel even the slightest discomfort.”

“I promise. Please, please, please, Emmrich. Please make me feel good.” I begged, nodding with an urgency that had my beau reaching down to cradle my face. With a downward look under my lashes, I offered a sliver of honesty. “I’ve been missing you these past few days. With you gone, covering for Dr. Pavus while he’s on his honeymoon. All lonely in your big bed waiting for you to come home.”

When I looked up to see the effect of my reluctantly offered truth, his expression told me everything I needed to know. His eyes had taken on that half-lidded look. The one he often watched me with as he brought me tears with the device he still held in his rock-steady grip.

Emmrich loved to watch me fall apart. The first awkward time we’d practiced with the vibrator, he’d simply handed it to me and silently observed what made me feel good. My initial embarrassment had soon disappeared from the way he had devoured the sight of me. Propped on one arm on the pillows by my head, his eyes had melted in a devastating combination of lust and deep affection. The closest he’d come to touching me then was simply a firm hand on my thigh and a few feathered kisses at my temple.

The second time we practiced, Emmrich showed me what a quick study he was. He soon had me melted into a puddle of pleasure so hot we’d had to change the sheets. The third time we tried, we’d quickly figured out that merely one of his fingers was equal to two of mine. After many weeks of teasing, toys, and the benevolence of Emmrich’s creativity–I was ravenous for him.

Just as I was now: with Emmrich positioned on his knees, my thighs around his hips, his cockhead teasing my folds in a way that had my heart stuttering in my ribcage.

“You are beautiful, my Evie.” Emmrich confessed, his tone a confusing mix of trepidation, lust, and guilt. “You’ve no idea how deeply I desire you.”

“Your Evie?” I asked, my voice pitched low. My lashes fluttered in bliss up at him as a teasing quirk ghosted around the corners of my mouth. “I didn’t know I belonged to you.”

“There is that fetching flush. All the way to your ears.” Emmrich gushed, his smile slight and something vulnerable shining in his eyes. “You will let me have you, won’t you? I do not desire simply your body. I want your heart. As long as it takes. A year. A decade. A lifetime.”

“Mmmmm…” I paused, biting my lip to hold back a shy giggle before a teasing grin lit up my face. “Give me another orgasm while I think about it.”

That cheeky grin dissolved into an agonized little ooh when Emmrich brought the vibrating tip down to tease my folds. Not yet where I wanted it, but igniting beautiful sparks of anticipation.

“Hold it there, my darling.” Emmrich commanded needlessly as he brought my hand up to cradle the base. “Seek out your pleasure.

As I moved the end of it to lightly shy around my clit, Emmrich shifted us so the engorged head of himself toyed but did not breach my core. I bit my lip at the joyous torture of it, and then whimpered when his hands reached up push up my top so he could cradle my breasts, running his thumbs over my stiff nipples. They had grown more sensitive and larger as my pregnancy progressed. From the attention Emmrich gave them, he loved the feel of them regardless.

“My darling girl.” Emmrich crooned from where he loomed over where I laid pliant before him, surrendered to the mercy of his molten, tender touch. “How exquisite you feel.”

He kept whispering sweet little nothings as my pleasure grew, and as a flush overtook my whole body as my blood pounded in my veins. Eventually, another blissful whimper slipped out when Emmrich paused his assault on my aching breasts to apply lube to both of us. It turned into a full on whine when he began shifting his hips, rubbing himself through the slick of it.

“Marvelous. You are doing marvelously.” Emmrich praised through a strained pant. “How brave you are.”

“Emmrich.” I begged, but it was more of a pitiful whisper. “I want you. I want you inside.”

Emmrich’s head tilted as he watched me for a moment, his gaze blazing with desire but clearly hesitant to grant my request. In the end, he did not answer, but instead showed his cruel streak. He reached down and turned the vibrator another level higher and I was lost to the waves of orgasmic butterflies fluttering through my veins.

“Emmrich!” My back arched off the bed, curling around his hips as the overwhelming waves ebbed into shivers.

By the way his gentle rocking had skittered to a stop, and his breathing hitched, I thought he had gone too. When I recovered enough to open my eyes I realized that was very much not the truth of it.

“Emmrich?” I asked, more out of curiosity than concern. The sight of him, face flushed, hair dishelved, and aching strain in his eyes from holding back had my heart in knots.

“All is well. Please, just…a moment to appreciate the beauty that is your pleasure.” He huffed with a smile that was bright but pained. “The heartwarming intimacy of this moment.”

“Your babies are inside me right now. Nothing more intimate than that.” I chuckled, my body loose from endorphins running rampant through my nervous system. Then, my chuckle turned naughty. “But maybe just for now we could pretend they aren’t…and you desperately wish they were.”

Emmrich lips parted in a surprised gasp at my cheekiness, but then hungry want chased the clouds of hesitance from his gaze.

“You are a hard woman to deny anything.” He challenged, his eyes roving over my body appreciatively. “Of this I have been certain since the moment I met you.”

“I’ve been told something similar before.” I agreed easily. Then I shivered from the sensation brought on by rubbing myself against the slick head of him. “But what I need right now…gods, what I need right now? You have it. My body is practically screaming for it.”

Emmrich let out a pained grunt, and his eyes shut against the feeling of us. After a moment, he shook his head, a soft denial written in the downward turn of his lips.

“To take advantage of you in this heightened hormonal and emotional state–”

“Take advantage?” I interrupted with a laugh, even as my accusing gaze grew steely and hardened. “You did this to me. It’s only fair if you take responsibility.”

“Responsibility?” Emmrich’s attention was fixed back on my face, a questioning brow raised as his frown turned quizzical.

“Yes. Your 15 second contribution has led to this…hunger inside of me. No matter how many times I take matters into my own hands I continue to ache.”

Emmrich said nothing but I watched as his whiskey hazel irises disappeared as his pupils expanded.

“Evelyn…what are you asking of me?” Emmrich asked, but it was rhetorical.

“You. Hard. Hot. Inside. Raw.” I demanded, irritation coloring my short, brusque tone. “Do I need to draw you a picture, or is that clear enough?”

When I reached down to notch him firmly at my entrance, Emmrich’s jaw dropped open with a long, breathy groan of my name spilling like honey from his lips.

“Evelyn…” Emmrich cried again, trembling slightly to hold himself back. “Ancestors have mercy.”

“The only ancestor I’m praying towards is the one in your pants. Are we finally doing this, or do I need to open your bedside drawer and excuse myself?”

At this, Emmrich laughed and shook his head in disbelief. Clearly, my persuasive argument worked, because without further argument Emmrich was leaning forward to grasp my hips and pull me closer, gently easing himself inside. I grimaced at the intrusion at first, the sting of it as he inched forward with shallow thrusts. When I began to tense up, Emmrich paused and sought out the vibrator from where I had abandoned it on the sheets. With its aid, soon my tension around him was transforming into a pleasant fullness and the butterflies returned. The fluttering ecstasy only grew and grew until Emmrich let out a raptrous cry, followed swiftly by the feeling of him pulsing deeply inside me. At this, I was lost to the tidal wave once more.

Still wrapped up in one another and unwilling to separate, Emmrich accepted my open-armed invitation to cuddle. We settled on the bed, snuggling close, and Emmrich’s hand moved to caress my lower belly where our children grew. He rubbed his thumb over the skin softly, his touch feather light and achingly soft.

“What a beautiful moment we have shared.” Emmrich whispered, and then his expression scrunched around the edges as he started to tear up. “I find myself quite overwhelmed.”

“Dr. Volkarin…” I began earnestly, but then giggled at Emmrich’s playful, displeasured grunt at the nickname. “If you keep saying sweet things like that–I’ll be like a stray cat. I’ll never want to leave. And I doubt–”

Emmrich spooked me with the quickness he brought my mouth up into a passionate kiss, his tongue invading my mouth in a way that was as hot as it was obscene. When our lips parted, his expression morphed into something that dared not hope, but the flame of it was alive in his sugarcane depths.

“Nothing would make me happier than the chance to treasure you until the end of my days.” He answered sincerely, and my heart squeezed at another glimpse of that young, love-starved boy hidden in his gaze.

I said nothing in reply, merely drew him back to my mouth with a warm smile and lovesick eyes.

***

After the success of our coupling, I imagined that some of the ardor and simmering tension between us would have cooled. That proved to be the farthest from the truth. For the very next day, a rare Saturday where Emmrich was not assigned any shifts, we took the chance to have a family day at the park. Our wandering eyes were not helped by the fact that today had been unseasonably hot. I had worn my only pair of shorts that still fit, the kind with the elastic waistband, and a low cut tank top that had clearly caught Emmrich's attention. At every turn, I kept catching Emmrich’s longing glances that set off lingering butterflies in my stomach.

We had given the children a special treat of before-dinner ice cream and allowed them to run off their sugar rush on the swings and brightly-colored plastic playfort. As we snuggled close upon our bench within ear shot, Emmrich and I enjoyed our own shared treat at a much slower and reasonable pace.

My thoughts were impure and only suited for the privacy of our home as I watched Emmrich lick a stripe up the melting chocolate soft serve in the waffle cone. The act of watching him innocently consume a sweet treat had my panties wet and me fighting the impulse to jump him in a horny crisis of faith. I only realized how distracted I truly was when Emmrich asked a question and I missed it.

Must be the pregnancy hormones.

“Yeah?” I answered quickly, my attention back on his inquisitive expression.

“You seem…distant this day.” Emmrich asserted with a raised eyebrow. “Might I enquire what holds your attention?”

“Not everyday that a man buys me ice cream for nothing in return.” I grinned, leaning forward to steal a bit of the quickly melting treat.

“Indeed?”

“Mhmm. Or lets me take a nap after scrubbing my apartment ‘till I can see myself in the floors.”

“Ah. It was no matter. I thought that perhaps I could take some things off your plate, rather than add another task for yourself.”

“You’ve been stress cleaning again.” I stated matter-of-factly, stealing another graciously offered lick of the chocolatey goodness.

“I have had my own concerns about your welfare.” Emmrich gently probed. “You have seemed exceptionally tired in recent days. I imagine the act of growing children takes quite a deal of physical energy. Not to mention the additional duties of your coursework and looking after Manfred and Francesca.”

Our conversation was halted when Manfred wandered up and pointed to his undone shoe laces.

“Come here, Manfred.” Emmrich offered, ushering our son forward. “I shall help you.”

Manfred’s face screwed up in a fussy frown. He frowned, and stomped his foot in reply. Then he pointed at me.

“Oh, you want to try again?” I asked, patting the seat next to me. “You’ll have to come sit by me. It’s getting harder for Mama to bend over.”

Emmrich watched with a few shocked little blinks as Manfred followed my request, and obediently folded himself up on the seat beside me. Very sweetly, he stuck his foot out where we could both reach it. Manfred’s little hands were awkward as I passed him the ends of the laces.

“You got this, baby.” I encouraged when his first attempt flopped and he looked up at me with sad eyes. “Let’s try again. Like we practiced.”

When I helped him untangle the laces, the look of determination on his face had my own small smile growing. When I peeked up at Emmrich, he was beaming and doing his best to stay quiet.

“There you go, Freddie-baby.” I praised when he was successful after the fourth try. “Look at you! You’ll have us all in knots in no time.”

Manfred grinned up at his father in a way that said Were you watching? I did it!

“You have done so well!” Emmrich agreed, and went so far as to crouch down on one knee in the dirt to inspect his son's work.

When he looked back up at me–there was that look again. The delicate one that made my heart race.

***

Eventually, the sun began to move towards twilight and the children began complaining of hungry bellies. We wandered over to the food trucks once more. This time, instead of their usuals, Franny demanded chips and cheese as her dinner. Manfred, always one to follow her lead, chirped alongside her for the very same. When little cherub-faced Allie emerged from her parent’s food truck, they all sat at the far end of the picnic tables enjoying their feast of queso and chips with giggling smiles. Occasionally, they chose to ‘cheer’ their dipped chips together.

Emmrich and I watched on with quiet grins as we ate our own food. Emmrich had once again ordered another delightful Seheronian stir-fry dish with tofu and vegetables of all colors. Since the babies were choosing to behave, I was having my own spiritual experience with a steak burrito. It was the first time in weeks I was able to eat a full meal and I was loving it. I had to make myself slow down and fight the urge to order another one, lest I push my luck too far.

“He’s always existed in his own world.” Emmrich shared as he watched Manfred having a good time. “Never liked to play with others. He would sit and organize his toys for hours, ignoring all summons to play from even the most persuasive playmates. Seeing him like this? With a friend his age who accepts him and draws him out of his shell? It’s enough to make me weep from joy. I feared I would never see the day.”

At the watery smile on his face, I laid a supportive hand on his arm. It took me an embarrassingly long time to chew and swallow the too large bite of steak, rice, and tortilla before I could talk.

“Franny makes friends wherever she goes.” I offered in explanation. “We’ve jumped around so much she’s had to. I feel guilty about it, but…I did my best. It’s all I could do.”

“I think you are doing a marvelous job with Francesca.” Emmrich complimented with that soft look on his face again.

It was the look that had confused me at first. In this moment, I now knew it for what it was, because it was mirrored on my own face. The joy of it had me leaning forward to give him a chaste peck on the lips. I bit back my own girlish giggle when Emmrich chased my kiss with another of his own.

“I might not know what good parenting is but I know what it isn’t.”

***

We were barely able to keep our hands to ourselves until we got back to my apartment. Thankfully, Franny and Manfred quickly made themselves busy playing with their doll set in the living room.

Once the lock on the door was secured, Emmrich had me sandwiched against the wood with his hands under my shirt.

“Allow me, if you will?” Emmrich asked, his hands already peeling the layer over my head and his hands inching to unhook my bra.

“Like I’d stop you.” I laughed lowly, already embarrassingly too giddy. “You seem to know what you are doing.”

Then our words halted because Emmrich was kissing me. First my eyelids, then my neck, all the while his hands wandered down to shimmy my shorts down until I was only in my underwear. He groaned in undimished happiness when he felt just how soaked they already were. It was as he traced the edges that I rewarded him with my own appreciative moan.

Within minutes we were both naked, and I was rocking against Emmrich’s hand from my spot on his lap. His ravenous eyes flickered between the bouncing of my breasts and my face. He was insistent on preparing me to take him, the amount of lubricant on his fingers frankly ridiculous but his kindness only doubled my desire to sink my teeth into him.

I had anticipated Emmrich to pull me from his lap and conduct a replay of last night. It was with my head spinning from a rapidly approaching orgasm, he did the opposite. Instead, he laid back and I found myself perched on top of him, his eager eyes full of something far too sincere for mere lust.

When I ran my hands appreciatively along his shaft, liberally applying lube warmed by the heat of my hands, Emmrich had to bite his knuckle to keep quiet. When I shifted forward to take him, Emmrich helped me shift my hips wider and we both groaned at the stretch of us.

“Take your pleasure.” Emmrich pleaded, and the blush on his cheeks was the picture of temptation. “Use my body to sate your hunger. I would be a fool to leave such a divine example of fertility in want.”

“Please. Touch them.” I whimpered, bringing his idle hands from my hips to my breasts. “Gods, touch me. Anywhere. Everywhere.”

I began a slow grind, much slower and more hesitant than our previous coupling. With Emmrich’s help and tender leading, soon I was grinning from that same surge of butterflies fluttering low in my belly.

“That’s it. Good girl.” Emmrich smiled that dazzlingly pretty smile of his. He was practically gasping with joy under his breath as he continued to lazily thrust up with me. “Oh, you feel marvelous. Beautiful, precious…my Evie.”

When my orgasm struck, I mewled from the sheer ecstasy of the release. When I came back to myself, that was when I felt just how hot my cheeks had flushed from the aftershocks of my orgasm and Emmrich’s generous praise. As if sensing without me saying how exposed I felt, Emmrich merely drew me down to him and shifted our positions.

“Another. Please, once more.” He asked, but it was more of a request. “You beautiful goddess among women.”

“Well, if you are the one asking…” I teased, pulling him down for a gentle kiss.

***

Three days later Neve showed her face for the first time in months, turning up at my door in the middle of the night with a busted lip and big gashes in her clothes.

“Hey, trouble. Can I stay the night?” Neve asked, leaning up against my doorframe heavily. “I needed a plush to crash and yours was the closest.”

“Neve–what happened?”

“Don’t worry. It’s all over. You know I wouldn’t bring danger to your door.”

“I’d never worry about that.” I fussed, already pulling her into my apartment and relatching all the locks. “I’m only worried about you.”

“It’s a long story. Coffee first?” She answered craftily, her grin turning lopsided as she took in my oversized sushi pajama set and bunny slippers. “We have a lot to catch up on.”

“That’s an understatement.” I agreed as I led her to the kitchen and got stuff together for a late night cup of coffee. “Sorry to tell you I only have the cheap stuff. I’ll get some ice for your face and tell you about what has been going on with me.”

“Auntie Neve!” Franny, ever the inquisitive trouble maker, ran at Neve with such force they almost toppled to the ground.

Neve winced at the contact, but was soon pulling Franny up into her lap as she seated herself at my kitchen island.

“How big you’ve gotten, my gorgeous girl.” Neve grinned, giving Franny a big squeeze that had her giggling. When her cat-like eyes caught sight of movement in the hallway, her grin turned curious. “Who is that shy little fellow with the beautiful head of curls, hiding back there? Franny, did your Mama adopt another little love-bug?”

“That’s Freddie!” Franny said, as if Manfred’s presence was obvious and that explained everything. When Neve looked down at her expectantly, she brightened at the unspoken question. “Mama is watching him for his Papa while he’s at work. Oh! And Mama has two babies in her belly. Those are Freddie’s Papa’s babies.”

Neve’s eyebrows rose to her hairline and jaw snapped shut with an audible click. When her eyes swiveled to me, I only smiled big and shrugged guiltily.

“Yeah, you better make that coffee a double while you start explaining yourself, young-lady.” Neve teased good-naturedly, waggling an accusing finger at me in mock disapproval. “Getting yourself all–well, I don’t even know what to say besides you clearly have been busy.”

I felt an embarrassed flush of heat springing up upon my face, and made myself actually busy making Neve’s cup of coffee.

“Hey, Franny? Go do me a favor and get the first aid kit under the bathroom sink for Auntie Neve.”

Neve had the decency to wait until Franny was out of ear shot before she laughed wickedly.

“Well, if he’s going to get you pregnant, is he at least good in bed?”

***

After a very long catch up over a few slices of delicious chocolate cake and coffee that I only sipped, Neve finally crashed on my couch when the sun showed itself through the curtains.

I was about to get Franny back up, and get her ready for school when another knock rapped upon my door.

“Hello?” I answered with the chain still locked in place.

“Did Neve get here safely?” Came the smooth, rich baritone of an Antivan man.

I inched the door open another smidge to get a better look at him. Dressed in all black, his ominous image was only worsened by the full sleeves of tattoos down his forearms. His shirt was unbuttoned enough to showcase the full tattoo of a knife above his heart.

“You look like a caricature of those Ativan Crows I see on tv.” I accused in a voice I hope that screamed I-couldn’t-be-more-disinterested-in-continuing-the-conversation-please-go-away.

His answering smile was molten sin and had my heart dropping to my feet.

“Guilty.”

“Well, I don’t know any Neve so you might as well clear out.”

The raven haired man caught the door before I could close with a strength that surprised me.

“I wouldn’t let me in either. No hard feelings.” His smile was all charm as he batted those big brown eyes that surely had left a trail of broken hearts in their wake. “When she wakes up, can you tell her I’ll meet her at the safe house? The one in Little Arlathan. She’ll know. Thanks for keeping her safe.”

“Don’t know what or who you are talking about.” I denied again, huffing in exasperation as I pushed harder on the door.

“She’s lucky to have you. Talks about you and your girl Franny a lot.”

He shrieked when I used all my weight in a big rush to close the door, crushing his fingers in the door.

“Mierda!”

When I inched back a bit it so he could jerk his digits out of the doorjam, Neve jerked up from her place on the couch with a start.

“Was that Lucanis?”

“If Lucanis is a fan of black leather, and keeping my daughter's name out of his mouth, yes.” I answered, already bolting the locks back in place.

“There is the sparkle of the Rook I know. Thought you’d gotten all soft from the cozy living conditions.”

“I don’t go by Rook anymore. I’ve gone straight. ” I corrected. “Rook died in Kirkwall’s Darktown. Evie is starting a new chapter here.”

“Well.” Neve’s mirthful expression gentled into an appreciative, warm gaze. Then she nodded, as if in approval of my decision. “I’d say Evie’s doing a fine job of it.”

Chapter Text

Neve slept on my couch off and on for two days. Whatever case she had been working on, or person she had been hunting, had worn her out. I’d been more than happy for her company and to rekindle the flame of our longtime friendship. When she texted Lucanis to come back to pick her up, the shameless flirt had dazzled me with a smile that told me in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t one to hold a grudge. Though I hated to admit it, I actually got a little flustered from it.

That, and how cool he looked ferrying Neve away on his motorcycle. However, I’d happily take the sincerity and sweetness of Dr. Volkarin over the thrilling backseat of a hotrod anyday. Gods knew the type of men who rode them had never done anything good for me.

Later that week, after I complained about how tired I was from the solo-parent trek to the park, Emmrich had handed me a copy of the key to his condo. Alongside it, he strongly suggested the use of the complex's indoor pool and hot tub. I had taken it with a sly smile and a suspecting eyebrow raise. It had not escaped my notice the multitude of creative ways he kept finding to keep me at his house.

“It’s a long weekend, why not allow the children the joy of a long sleep over?”

“When I return home from work, let us take a family walk to witness the beauty of the Wintersend lights. While the holiday is weeks away yet, Bellara informed me the city has just finished setting them up. I have not done such a thing for many years and would relish the chance to share it with you.”

“Darling, I have a new recipe that would benefit from the use of double ovens. I would be more than happy to host dinner. Allow you a moment's rest to put your feet up. Perhaps take the opportunity to nap. I shall retrieve you once it is ready.”

In other words, he was soft-launching the idea of me moving into his place. I had to admit that the idea was growing increasingly more tempting as the strain of carrying twins grew. The elevator in his building always worked, Franny’s school was much closer, and every delivery order tended to show up on time without being canceled. Frankly, I was quickly running out of reasons to stay at my place. The fact that his mattress felt like sleeping on a literal cloud designed to cradle my aching back was just a bonus.

I’d just begun packing myself and the kids a little picnic lunch when my phone rang. My heart gave a little lurch of nerves when I saw it was Marian.

“Hello?” I answered hesitantly. “Strange of you to call so early. It’s not even noon yet.”

“Mmmm, better check your watch again, Evvy-baby.” Marian chuckled. “It’s past quitting time for me. Varric’s rustling something up in the kitchen for dinner. He’s actually why I’m calling. We thought we'd come up for the long weekend. I’m sure it won’t surprise you, but he’s been collecting things for Franny. Toys, books he thought she’d like, and other kids shit. You know how he is. We’re going to have to bring an extra duffle bag with us.”

Things had been better between Marian and I recently. Less strained, but the sight of her name flashing across my homescreen still had my stomach twisting.

“Love that.” I offered after taking a few heartbeats longer than was polite processing her idea. “Franny–she asks about both of you all the time. That's why I’ve been sending so many pictures.”

“Oh, yeah?” Marian chuckled, clearly pleased at the thought. “From the look of things, she likes that mischievous little boy she runs around with. The one with the head of curls? He’s precious.”

I grabbed a few apple sauce pouches from the pantry as a relieved smile bloomed across my face.

“I think you would like Freddie. He doesn’t say much, but he’s a deep thinker.”

“Mhmm?” Marian hummed questioningly, sipping her nightly half-caf coffee. I could see in my mind’s eye how her blood red lips would stretch into a troublesome grin around the rim. “We’ll have to bring little Freddie something too. Can’t leave him out.”

“Marian?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re coming to visit.” It was as straightforward and honest as I could be.

“Me too.” She huffed, a smile in her voice.

“It’d be nice to have dinner with you two. We can catch up. Give Emmrich another chance to make a good impression. He's been…” I paused to gather my thoughts as my heart raced. “He’s been really good to me. Better than either of you know.”

The line was silent as Marian contemplated my words. It was two long sips before she finally decided what she wanted to say.

“Ugh–Fine. If it’s you asking.” She agreed reluctantly, before she let out a petulant, long-suffering groan unbecoming of a woman in her 40’s. “If you are going to co-parent with him, I guess we are stuck with him for the time being.”

“Mama!” Franny screeched from where she and Manfred stood expectantly by the door. “I waited an extra five more minutes than what you said!”

“Just a minute, baby.” I called back over my shoulder, double-checking I had everything in our little lunch box. “Mama is on the phone with Aunt Marian. She said her and Uncle Varric are gonna come visit in a few days.”

Franny’s scream of delight was as ear splitting as it was loud. Manfred’s echoing response was much gentler, and more tame in comparison.

***

The indoor pool managed by Emmrich’s HOA was fancy as hell. It was massive, with swimming lanes for laps, a rock waterfall feature, and even a giant slide that was a fan favorite after the older kids got out of school. Since it was enclosed and the windows were tinted, I didn’t have to worry about how cold it was outside, or bother with slathering sunscreen on my wiggle-worms. This was a relief to my aching back, because Manfred fought me whenever I tried to put it on his frighteningly pale skin.

This morning it was blessedly deserted, without a single soul in sight to disturb me and my little chicks. I was also grateful there weren’t a lot of grown ups around because my bikini didn’t actually fit me anymore. Really, to be perfectly honest, it was less that it didn’t fit but more so it was downright indecent when I wore it with my small soccer ball of a stomach. I’d solved it by wearing one of Emmrich’s largest t-shirts to cover up my middle, but that only did so much. He was very tall, but also a real beanpole of a man.

The privacy did tempt me to hop in the hot tub. Emmrich said it was alright if I indulged for a few minutes, but anything over fifteen was not advisable. I decided against it in the end because I was worried I’d have trouble getting out with the steep steps. Maybe when Emmrich got off work, we’d take another trip down and I’d try it out then. I had no doubt he’d fuss at me, but his arms were always rock steady when he helped me up. I’d increasingly needed more of his help as of late.

“Stay in the shallows, babies.” I cautioned, sorting out our picnic basket and towel on the empty chair next to me. “And keep your floaties on. You take them off–we’re going home.”

Franny and Manfred’s shrill shrieks of agreement were enough for me to finally put my feet up and settle on the worn, but comfy, pool lounger. My attention flickered between my little hooligans and Emmrich’s borrowed e-reader. For a special treat, I had bought a collection of the most hilarious sci-fi books set. A bunch of women had been abducted and left stranded on an ice planet when their captors’ ship crashed. I could hardly keep my giggles to myself when the giant, blue-skinned aliens showed up to rescue the damsels-in-distress.

The world building and smutty goodness had me hooked. All the men in the books were so soft and gentle while the heroines were wickedly funny. My addiction was so bad I had torn through twelve of the bite size novellas in two weeks. I kept squeezing in a little reading time when the kids and I were out of the house and working on my homework wasn’t an option. I’d even caught Emmrich reading over my shoulder a few times, when we’d snuggled in bed.

With one listening ear trained on the kids, I was so absorbed in a really good part that I didn’t notice the man’s approach until he was already standing over me.

I tsked in impatience when I noticed him.

“There are plenty of chairs around.”

The tan of the unfamiliar man’s skin was a sharp contrast against his dark, raven hair and the exceptionally white teeth within his too wide, mega-watt smile. He probably would have come off as charming and debonair if I didn’t find the sight of him so creepy. I didn’t care for the way his curious, dark eyes watched me. I liked even less how he didn’t take my not-so-subtle hint to move along.

“You’re in my light.” I complained, shifting my sunglasses down from where they rested on my head to cover my eyes.

The fact that the e-reader was backlit and didn’t need light was immaterial.

“I have yet had the chance to make your acquaintance. The name is Illario.” The man explained with a flirtatious edge to his voice. “I noticed the first Talon has taken a special interest in you. It is quite curious–What is your relationship with him?”

I shifted my head down so it seemed I had focused back on my e-reader, but in reality I was scanning how far the exits were and if there was a phone in here. I’d left mine on the kitchen counter a floor up.

Like an idiot.

“Who, and or what, is the first Talon?” I asked, but in the way someone might ask about the weather but wasn’t actually interested in the answer.

At this, my uninvited guest made a sound of frustration, and his smile turned mean.

“Do not insult me by pretending you do not know. Lucanis doesn’t put a protection detail on a nobody.”

“All I know is that you’re blocking my light.” I snipped back, my temper rising alongside my blood pressure. Then I whispered through gritted teeth so little ears wouldn’t overhear, “What I came here to do was relax for a fucking minute and let my kids play in the pool.”

I watched in my peripheral vision as he brought a questioning hand to his chin.

“That his baby in your belly? I didn’t think you were his type, but he’s surprised me before.”

“Are you fu–” I shouted, and it echoed loud enough to turn Franny’s head and make her lip quiver.

I schooled my face into big gin that didn’t reach my eyes.

“Hey baby. Everything is fine. You keep playing.” I soothed, giving her a thumbs up. “This guy was just asking me for directions on where he should take a hike.”

I inwardly sighed in relief when she nodded, but didn’t like how her eyes kept flashing back worriedly at me. While our physical wounds had healed over the months since we had escaped that man’s shadow, some emotional scar tissue remained. The separation-anxiety crying fits at the school entrance had stopped her second week, once she accepted that we really were safe. It had made me cry a little bit when her teacher called to brag on my little girl, telling me all about how she was making great progress in her math intervention class. Recently, her night terrors had dwindled to the occasional, rather than weekly. The last thing I needed was this mother-fucker ruining it.

“You should take the hint and make yourself scarce.” I advised with the same lame-ass smile that made my cheeks hurt. “Vorgoth doesn’t take kindly to unwanted visitors and I doubt you live around here.”

The threat wasn’t as effective when it took me an extra try to sit up from the vicious twinge in my back. The guy didn’t even have the manners to offer a helping hand to a visibly pregnant woman. Asshole.

As if by speaking his name, the door closest to the lobby opened, and the man in question began menacingly walking over to join us. From the way Vorgoth carried himself I could tell he was an ex-military man, his aged build remarkably strong for a man in his 50’s. From the intimidating stare directed my way, I didn’t want to know anything else about his past and counted myself lucky I wasn’t on his shit list.

“Mrs. Volkarin.” Vorgoth remarked in that strange and unplaceable accent uniquely his. Even if his words were soft towards me, his gaze was anything but as he dissected the man still towering above me. “It pleases us that you and your children have chosen to enjoy the facilities. Can we be of any other assistance to make your time more comfortable?”

When his attention returned back to my face, I shivered from his hawkish gaze that screamed Is this guy bothering you?

“Hello Vorgoth.” I grinned big up at him, all teeth, not bothering to correct his mistake. “I was actually just about to page you. Seems this man got lost. He needs help finding his way to the exit.”

When Vorgoth took a single step forward, Illario held up his hands in defeat.

“No need for force. I’ll see myself out.” His handsome smile took on a cruel edge as he took his leave. He paused after a few steps, and then turned to level me an ominous parting look. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around, Rook. Your name is quite famous in some circles. Probably not for the reasons you’d like. Best keep your head down if you want your nest to stay hidden, little bird.”

I was on my feet and racing to claw his eyes out–before Vorgoth caught me in a steely grip I couldn’t break.

“The fuck do you think you are. Don’t you dare threaten me and mine!” I growled, my whole body shaking from the sudden motherbear rage coursing through my veins. “I didn’t ask anybody for a maker-damned thing. You stay the fuck away from my kids!”

In hindsight, it wasn’t my finest moment. That afternoon Manfred learned a new four letter word that wasn’t for polite company, and Franny fractured into frightened tears from my outburst. Poor Vorgoth just patted my back until the man made himself scarce. Then he left to ensure Illario made his way out.

I was an emotional mess when I plopped back on the lounger. Franny crawled in my lap and demanded to be held, something that was awkward and much harder than it was a few months ago. I struggled to keep my own helpless tears in check and did a terrible job at hiding them. Manfred just kept looking anxiously between my face and where the men had left the pool.

“Cry? Why?” He asked, his expression the picture of childlike innocence and confusion.

It only made me cry harder at the sight. It only got worse when Manfred squeezed himself into my lap with Franny. Our pool day was ruined, but I managed to salvage the afternoon by ordering pizza. Vorgoth said nothing when he delivered it to our door, unwilling to let the gangly teenager bring it up himself, but the fierce nod he gave me comforted me enough to let go of some of my anxious energy.

With all the curtains drawn, the kids and I ate the pizza right out of the box on Emmrich’s ridiculously expensive living room rug. I finally was able to lay down and rest after I puttered around for the second time, making sure every single entry point in the place was locked tight. Franny and Manfred soon forgot about our scare when I purchased the newest season of their current obsession on Emmrich’s fancy smart tv. Their giggles loosened a tightness in my chest enough to pretend to read my e-reader.

Eventually, I fell asleep under a pile of blankets, waiting for Emmrich to come home. It was date night and he had been weirdly coy about why it had to be tonight and how excited Bellara was to entertain the kids. He asked for so little from me, so when he got home I didn’t have the heart to tell him about the bad moment by the pool. I’d wait until after dessert at least. Maybe the ride home.

***

The restaurant Emmrich treated us to on this adults only date was surprisingly cozy. The leather in the booths was buttery soft and freshly upholstered. The dimmed overhead lights allowed the tableside candle-lit lanterns to cast a hazy, intimate glow on the handsome man smiling across from me. It almost masked that odd aura of nervousness that he was hiding very badly.

My beau had been strangely quiet in the car. Hadn’t said anything when I changed his radio station from public news and occasional classical compositions to the early pop-hits of the 2000’s. Not even a huff of amusement or a disbelieving eye-roll. Like it was my fault I was a basic bitch who loved a good beat and lyrics that weren’t that deep.

Generously, I’d offered to order the most delicious sounding small plates on the menu, strategically picking out vegetarian dishes we could both enjoy. Except for the steak. For the babies. It was wrong to deprive them, after all.

The slight tremor in his hands had calmed after I got him to eat some warm focaccia. It was smattered with housemade ricotta, olive oil, and flaky sea salt. Apparently, a little blood sugar pick me up was all he needed to relax enough to fall into his usually chatty self.

“I heard you had an unexpected visitor today when you and the children visited the pool.”

“Oh, did Vorgoth mention it?” I replied around a mouthful of bread. “That guy sure was something.”

Emmrich was watching my expression carefully, his mouth tight and brow furrowed.

“Actually, Francesca mentioned it to me not long after I arrived home.”

“She did?” I hummed noncommittally. “ Well, looks like you really did win her heart with the bike lessons after all.”

Even though Franny had ended up with a few scrapes, I was confident she was going to be riding circles around us in no time.

“Yes. Quite.” Emmrich agreed, refusing to be shuffled to another subject. “She explained that you were quite upset from the encounter–”

“Yeah. I guess I was. I’m better now. I’m sure he won't be back.” I answered suavely around another giant bite of fococaia. “Asshole was just trying to get a rise out of me. We can talk about it more at home. Here isn’t a good spot.”

I was afraid to say too much. While everything seemed above board, I kept my eyes peeled for any eavesdroppers in the restaurant called The Crow’s Nest.

“I do not understand why the more appropriate location to discuss such matters would be our home, where little ears are present.”

My face grew hot from the pointed remark. I wondered exactly what Franny had told him about this morning. Then I sighed in defeat, since it was clear Emmrich wasn’t about to let this drop easily.

“I’m gonna hold your hand when I tell you this.” I deadpanned, reaching forward to literally link our fingers with a well-meaning look of guilt and pity. “Emmrich, this place is a front. Albeit, a really convincing and delicious one, but a front all the same. I’m guessing this is the safe house that Neve’s friend mentioned. Same place where some of his feathered friends might be hanging out.”

“Noo…” Emmrich wondered aloud with an aghast little frown of denial. “Surely this is not the case.”

I saw recognition flare in his eyes when he took in the fresh paint on the wall and the small amount of booths available. There was only one server attending to customers. The same one who seated us, took the order, and handled the flurry of take out orders. The honey-blonde human woman looked overworked, flushed, and run off her feet. She had my deepest sympathies, because I knew that shit was hard work when you didn’t have enough help.

“‘Fraid so.” I answered, squeezing his hand in emphasis. “I’ll spill the tea when we get home tonight and the kids are in bed. Promise I wasn’t trying to hide anything. Just didn’t want to ruin this date. You seemed so excited…”

“Nothing could ruin such a marvelous evening if we are allowed to share it together.”

A soft, amused silence grew between us, interspaced with giggles at the hilarity of the situation. We were both quite pleased when the overworked server Lucrezia brought us our assorted dishes. Emmrich’s favorite of the offerings was a serving of roasted vegetables and gnocchi, tossed in butter and sprinkled in fresh grated parmesan. I nearly melted into my seat when I tasted the softest, most succulent steak bites in a marsala wine sauce.

“Gods. This would pair perfectly with a nice, crisp white. Hell, even a beer.” I chuckled and then shrugged at Emmrich’s raised eyebrow. “Obviously not now. Maybe next time.”

“We can all come here together.” Emmrich agreed warmly. “Once everything settles.”

That softened something in me that had remained on alert since we left the house. The thought of a future that included all of us. When four became six. However, we hadn’t exactly narrowed down what would happen…after.

I knew that Emmrich and I were into each other. Physically compatible. Equally emotionally intelligent. Respected one another. That he wanted more than just a loose hook-up, babysitting situation. What all that entailed, be it a lingering co-parent partnership, or something as serious as marriage I couldn’t say. But I knew better than to let my heart run away without my head. Been there–done that.

When I began droning on about how all these dishes would be made, Emmrich’s expression had morphed into a soft, earnest curiosity that went beyond politeness.

“You are well versed in the techniques of fine cuisine.” The silver fox across from me crooned, a small pleased smile curling around his mouth. “I had no idea you were so knowledgeable about such matters. Perhaps I should have consulted you for your sage advice in my culinary adventures.”

“Yeah. Guess I would be.” I demurred, using a bit of the focaccia to wipe up some sauce from the plate. “When Franny and I fled to Kirkwall–the first time, mind you–I landed a job at a real swanky joint in the upper city washing dishes. The head chef took a shine to us. I think he had a soft spot for how desperate I was for the job. Especially after he saw how little Franny was. Gods, she wasn’t even in school then. Didn’t mind that I brought her to work with me, as long as she stayed tucked away in the office reading her books, or playing with her dolls. Even let us stay in a room above the restaurant in exchange for doing the cleaning after closing. Life was looking up then for us after a really rocky patch. Our bellies were always full, we had a roof over our heads, and I had even managed to save enough money so getting our own place seemed possible. The old guy taught me things too. Little kitchen tricks and shortcuts. I think he was coming around to training me to do some of the real cooking in the kitchen until–”

Emmrich’s fork, skewered on some roasted zucchini and gnocchi, paused mid-arc to his mouth when my rambling came to a standstill.

“Until?”

I let out a little laugh, but it was weary and bittersweet. I raised my damaged left hand and made that weak ass attempt of a fist in silent answer.

“Until our luck ran out. I couldn’t hold a knife after my…accident.” I answered quickly, taking a big chug of ginger ale until the carbonation burned away the traitorous tears that were too close to the surface. “Chef was real sad when Franny and I had to leave…but there wasn’t anything to be done. I couldn’t work safely in his kitchen anymore, even if he made accommodations for me. He tried to get me a job at the front of house but I couldn’t carry the trays. Being an elf didn’t help matters, either. And Wolfe–”

Emmrich set his fork down gently, his mouth thinning in a resolute frown at the name that I had never spoken aloud in his presence. I looked down at my plate rather than meet his eyes.

“He wasn’t a man you could say no to. I had to go with him when he came back for me a few days later. It would have been suicide otherwise.”

Emmrich took my trembling left hand in his own and brought it to his lips. Then he suavely diverted the soured conversation into something more pleasant, even as something determined lingered in his eyes.

“Is your experience in such a fine dining establishment why you took the opportunity to study culinary theory and history at the university?”

“Y-yeah.” I fumbled, color flushing across my cheeks from the fierce look on his face. “It seemed like the most interesting thing at the time. I thought I’d like to go to grad school after this, but with recent events…I’m not even sure how that would be possible. Financially, or otherwise.”

At this, Emmrich nodded solemnly and retrieved an envelope from within his inner jacket pocket. He passed it across the table towards me.

“This is your lion’s share of the settlement from the fertility clinic. After deducting the various legal fees, I was quite pleased with the amount the law firm accrued from our serendipitous happenstance.”

Emmrich had asked me to sign legal paperwork months ago, not long after he’d added me to his health insurance. I hadn’t honestly thought much would come of it, and put it out of my mind. When I hesitantly peeked within the smoothly folded paper, what I saw made my heart drop to my feet.

“Holy fucking shit, Emmrich.” I drawled, my eyes boggling at the amount on the check.

“Language, my dear.” My love chastised.

“Andraste’s flaming–”

“Evelyn…” Emmrich drawled, disappointed in my word choice once more. His eyes nervously flicked around at our fellow patrons, who paid no notice of us.

“This is…insane.” I managed after a few deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. Then I looked back at the fine details of the check. “Why would you–You didn’t have to give me this. This check is from your account. They gave you the money.”

“I have more than enough money to satisfy my own needs.”

“That’s just…bonkers. This is more money than I’ve ever seen in my whole life. I–what do I even do with this kind of money.”

“I am confident you will find a suitable use for such an amount.” Emmrich reached forward to take my hand again, and his touch was soothingly calm. “Perhaps you could use such a windfall to enact your endeavors for graduate school. Further still, a portion could be set aside within investments for Francesca, so that when she comes of age she could have the funds to achieve the higher education she desires. The power of compound interest and careful investment is not something to be denied.”

“A few weeks ago, I had literally twenty dollars in my checking account and two cans of chickpeas in my pantry.” I confessed, a giddy sense of unrealness leaving me lightheaded from the shock of it. “I’m…I don’t even know how to feel right now, much less what I should say to thank you.”

“You’ve no need to thank me for doing the honest, decent course of action. You were the one who was truly impacted from the unusual tangle of fate we found ourselves in.” Emmrich turned his face away, lost in deep reflective thought as he withdrew his hands to retrieve something else from his jacket. “I must also admit that my intentions are not entirely unselfish in matters of the heart.”

“This better not be another check. I don’t think my heart could take it.”

Instead, it was a small square box the size of my palm. It was covered in a dark velvet, just like the romantic, old-school movies that played in the middle of the night.

“I would never see you without agency to chart the course of your life. Such finances would allow you to decide, at your leisure and in your own time, what path you would wish for yourself. To be a moon unto yourself, or so the saying goes.”

‘I would never entrap you to remain at my side.’ His unspoken words said.

He said nothing else as an electric silence stretched taunt–said nothing, but watched me with expectant eyes twinged with something vulnerable and fearful.

I opened the box and let out a big breath. The shining emerald was better suited for the hand of a fine lady. One who knew how to perfectly style her hair. Who was educated. Demure. Mindful of social rules and who had a respectability that my upbringing did not even begin to impart upon me. The type of woman who would grace his arms at important fundraiser dinners and always know the right thing to say.

“This looks old.” Is what I said instead.

“Ah. Yes.” Emmrich answered, before he swallowed dry air. “When my father was a younger man, he traveled through Seheron for a time. It was on such an adventure that he came across this stone. Years later, he had it polished and adorned upon a band. It graced my mother’s hand as a promise of their love while she still lived. I have treasured it ever since.”

His intention was clear, even if he did not speak the request aloud.

“Some people might take you presenting your mother’s ring as more than just a ring.”

The sheer intensity on Emmrich’s face as he watched me said it all.

“Johanna didn’t want it?”

I didn’t want her rejected ring, and Emmrich didn’t seem the insensitive type to offer such a thing.

“Johanna had her own desires to account for. Very expensive ones.”

“Bellara was in on this, wasn’t she?” I accused. “That’s why she had such a weird look on her face when she saw me today. Like a cat that caught the mouse.”

Emmrich didn’t answer. Just kept watching me while I stared down at the ring like it was the barrel of a gun and I was trying to make out the vin number.

What he was offering was more. A future. A path forward where we would not go our separate ways. A family. A real honest to gods family for our children, with a mom and a dad who loved each other. One we made with more than just our bodies–with our hearts.

“If it is the ring itself that displeases you, I would be quite willing to procure another. One even of your own choosing, should such a thing appeal. I was unsure what your tastes might lean towards, since you do not wear jewelry or have mentioned any inclinations to your own preferences–”

Emmrich fell to stunned silence when I retrieved the ring and placed it upon my ring finger, grinning ear to ear.

“How do you feel about tirimasu?” I offered with a cheeky wink. “Maybe we could split it?”

Emmrich’s answering smile was blinding in its intensity, even if a few happy tears escaped when I pulled him in for a sweet kiss.

***

The tub in Emmrich's master bathroom was massive. Big enough that we both had no trouble enjoying it together, and deep enough that I didn’t get cold sitting in his lap. With my back to his chest, I leaned my head into the crook of his neck as he touched me.

“You have become much more sensitive as of late.” Emmrich intimated, his words whisper quiet in the luxurious privacy of his master suite.

Soft piano ambience drifted from the bedroom as Emmrich teased me with the vibrator in the soothing warmth of the water. From the tease of his cock just below my center, he was enjoying this moment nearly as much as I was.

“Mmmm…” I agreed easily, a whine edging alongside the growing pleasure. “Only seems a fair trade off.”

Eventually, he passed the vibrator to my grip, and then both of his hands massaged my aching breasts. It was when he started pinching my nipples that I was really a goner. I came around nothing as he whispered another one of his dirty, filthy promises in my ear.

“I think you are a flirt, Emmrich Volkarin.” I accused teasingly, after my aftershocks dimmed. “A deeply romantic, hopeless flirt.”

“Guilty.” Emmrich laughed. “But my affections lie only with you, my dearest heart.”

Some of the water splashed out when I turned to capture his wickedly hard member in the heat of my still aching entrance. He groaned appreciatively, and pulled my hips closer to anchor our connection.

“If I’m going to be your wife, guess I’ll just have to find a way to put up with you then.” I answered with a claiming, fiery kiss. By the hungry and possessive way we clung to one another, that wasn’t too high a price to pay in my book.

Chapter Text

I really hated when Emmrich was on dayshift. It meant that at the crack of dawn he had to leave our cozy little lovenest. This was especially bitter for me because the weather was getting colder and he was a furnace under our blankets. The more my pregnancy progressed, the more it felt impossible for me to get warm, no matter how many layers I wore.

“The sun isn’t up yet. Call out. Stay with me.” I begged shamelessly around an absolutely indecent moan. “I’ll call in for you. You caught a bad case of the down bads for your fiancée. Incurable and sadly–”

With one of my thighs propped on his shoulder, Emmrich rendered me incapable of speech when he sucked my clit into his mouth. Unable to see my face around my growing belly, it quickly became apparent that he took the sounds I made as ‘you can do better’, rather than ‘you are murdering me’–because then he was feasting on me with the intensity of a starved hiker who stumbled upon a fast food joint.

Emmrich wasn’t satisfied until I fractured into overstimulated tears and he was devouring my gushing mess with a perverse moan that was as guttural as it was desperate.

“I think I died.” I informed him with a lilting, out-of-breath laugh. “I died, and then you brought me back.”

“Mrs. Volkarin, how darling you are.” He complimented as he peeked his head up enough to lock eyes, his expression smug but his gaze electric with lust. “Would that I was able to remain tangled betwixt the sheets, shutting away the rest of the world. If fate decreed, I would drink from the fountain of your nectar until the sun diminished and darkness was all that remained.”

“That doesn’t sound like you are calling out.” I humphed.

“Decidedly not. I am afraid Dr. Pavus has returned from his romantic holiday quite under the weather.”

My reply to this revelation was a frustrated noise in my throat. In response, Emmrich rose up to tease the head of himself around my sex that was still quivering with aftershocks.

“I have no doubts he shall pay my generosity forward when our children make their entrance into the world.”

“You’re a–oh, you are so hard to be mad at.” I whined, clutching the sheets in my clenched fists. “But you are being mean. Torturing your fiancée like this. You’re gonna do me like this and then leave? Wake me up at dawn, wear me out with fantastic sex, and then just fuck off to work? Bastard.”

“Language, my love.” Emmrich chastised, but his roguish grin was diabolically amused. “I will endeavor to make it up to you once I return this evening and the children have been occupied.”

I would have fussed at him more but then he was inside me, his arms caging me in as if to ensure I would not flee. Rutting into me with slow strokes that were absolutely ruinous. He pulled nearly all the way out before he was easing back inside, dragging the engorged head of himself along my walls–wrecking my insides with the pace of a prowling predator toying with its food. Then he stopped.

“You are a mean, wicked, evil man!” I all but screamed up at him.

“If my memory remains true, I recall not long ago that you had a specific request of me. Something of the spirit, ‘Go slow. Painfully, achingly slow.’ Such a sinful mouth, my beloved has. All the better to–”

“Fuck me stupid?” I offered helpfully, still pissed at him but playfully waggling my eyebrows. “Oh, no worries. You got that covered.”

Emmrich bit his stupidly plush, bitable lip to hold back his peel of unexpected laughter.

“You are mean. Here I am, growing your babies for you and you’re getting onto me like this for cursing. Shame on you, Emmrich Volkarin. Gods, and when all I want you to do is bend me over and—“

Emmrich shifted us until we were spooning, my back to his chest. I groaned out a breathy little sigh when he continued his leisurely pace, pumping himself inside me with one of my legs held aloft in the crook of his arm. His slow, devastatingly deep strokes left me mewling in blissful agony.

“Will you be good for me, delight of my heart?” Emmrich whispered into my mussed hair like he was imparting a scandalously damning secret.

“Mmpf.” It was all I could manage, since I was shaking from the overwhelming fullness of Emmrich’s massive cock. Sometimes it felt like he would split me in half with it. What a way to die.

“Very good.” Emmrich’s chuckle was dark with quiet amusement. “Mrs. Volkarin. My beloved. Goddess divine.”

Something about that sappy sweetness had me bursting out into happy tears, even as my orgasm loomed. My brain felt like it was on fire.

“Darling?” Emmrich asked, pausing in his intentional assault on my frayed nerves. “Have I hurt you? Should I st–”

“Don’t you dare stop!” I demanded, royally peeved at the mere suggestion. “Emmrich, I’m so close.”

Emmrich's pretty words never failed to bring me to the brink. I was boneless, helpless as my fiancé took to rampaging my insides, rutting up into me. All the while he continued to whisper the sweetest, filthiest poetry.

“My beloved Evelyn. Beautiful goddess among women. Even in my dreams, I never drink my fill of you. I wish we never had to part. That I could remain inside you for all time. How incandescently exquisite it feels to be one with you. Oh. My darling. Moon of my life. How your beauty puts the stars to shame.”

When I climaxed, it was curled around a desperate sob. Quickly followed by Emmrich’s harsh gasp into my hair. Our energy spent, but both of us unwilling to separate, we simply held each other close under the sanctuary of our covers. I smiled with the goofiest grin stretched across my face when Emmrich’s hand began tracing lazy circles around my bump. I had no doubt that a similar expression was mirrored on my beau’s face.

“Guess I can find it in my heart to forgive you if you’re gonna talk like that while you fuck me.”

“Mmmm…” Emmrich hummed in quiet contentment, snuggling me close a few minutes more before he actually had to get up for work.

“Oh. Hey. I meant to mention something to you.”

“Mmm?” Emmrich hummed again, this time in question.

He always got sleepy after sex, which I liked to imagine was the sweetest compliment. Fucked the anxiety right out of him. Both of us, really.

“You know how Marian and Varric are coming up in a few days?”

“Indeed. I know both yourself and Francesca are looking forward to their visit.”

“Yeah, so I got a little bit of a crazy idea. Really, it’s Bellara’s fault. She has not so subtly hinted that we should do a gender reveal. You know, for the babies.”

“Ah, yes.” Emmrich mused tiredly, his morning stubble scraping roughly across my jugular, where he buried an absent-minded kiss. “I vaguely recall some balloons were involved with Manfred’s reveal. She quite enjoyed the excitement of the moment. I must admit, I got quite swept away with her as well. Emotionally speaking.”

“Yeah, well…I know we said on the last scan we weren’t sure if we wanted to know the genders. That maybe we wanted it to be a surprise–”

“I am perfectly amenable to such a change. Statically the odds of any of the embryos being male is very low. Of the four embryos that were implanted–” Emmrich started, but I interrupted him with a righteous squeak.

“Emm!”

“...Yes?” He replied, but it was hesitant and unsure.

“It’s not much of a reveal if you know already. Not much point.” I giggled to let him know I wasn’t actually mad.

Then I giggled some more when he blew a raspberry into the tender skin tucked behind my jaw and under my ear. My weak spot.

“I just keep thinking, maybe it would be good for us to know? Franny was asking me yesterday. Really, she was telling me–she wants at least one sister. As if my uterus is a drive-thru where you pick which toy you want.” I laughed, but it was nervous. “Anyway…since Varric and Marian are stopping by for a visit I thought it might be…a nice bonding thing? Since things are so weird between…all of us. Nothing too flashy or dramatic.”

“I think it is a marvelous idea, my love.” Emmrich agreed easily. Then I could feel his smile buried against my neck as he whispered, “Did you have any ideas in mind for such an event?”

“Actually, I’ve given it some thought…”

***

Franny took the news of Emmrich and I’s engagement as if I had let her loose in a candy shop with a giant bucket she had to fill in ten minutes or less. She had been so overwhelmed with happiness, she eventually had to lay down on the couch. This was after about fifteen minutes of dancing and dragging a giggling Manfred in her wake. Manfred didn’t so much as say he was happy with his words, but later he did present me with an abstract picture with four stick figures. Based on the amount of rainbows and hearts, I chalked that up as he liked the idea.

With Marian and Varric’s visit looming, I was pressed to place a rush order at Leiliana’s Pâtisserie et Magasin de Glaces–the dessert truck conveniently located in the food court circle at the kids’ favorite park. While the propriotess accepted online orders, I figured on short notice it was better to go in person to talk with her. That, and I was curious what she thought was best alongside hand-delivering the top secret missive–the sealed envelope that held our babies’ genders.

She had been so honored to be entrusted with the special mission that she had screamed in outraged delight. My mouth was still hanging open when she popped out of her truck and embraced me in the biggest hug. Since I wasn’t much of a hugger, this had been alarming at first. After a second, I relaxed into it. At least until she got so choked up she started crying.

“It is such happy news! Une bénédiction du créateur! ” She announced through shaking, happy sobs. “Two little ones to cherish! How marvelous. How wonderful! Oh, how the Maker has blessed ta petite famille!”

“Yeah, we’re pretty happy about it too.” I agreed, mentally counting to ten to calm the fuck down from a stranger hugging and crying all over me. At least she hadn’t tried to touch my stomach without permission. “So, you–ah–think you can handle it? I know it’s not much notice.”

“Of course!” She cried, and then her head snapped to the left when she saw movement. “Leena! Leena! Viens ici! Come here! Listen! I feel my heart is about to burst from joy!”

Leena turned out to be the raven-haired woman also known as Evangeline. She was Allie’s mom who shared the other half of Alistair’s food truck. She was delighted as Leilianna rambled at her in Orlesian that was too rapid and shrill for me to catch. She hadn’t said anything in response, but her face bloomed into the prettiest, sweetest smile–even as she took my hands in a fierce grip and kidnapped me.

Along with her redheaded conspirator, the two giggling women pulled me into Morrigan’s truck: the one that hosted the coffee-spot on the outside. Inside, the interior was vibrant and comfortably plush with more places to relax than was sensible. The gothic goddess didn’t even stir from where she lounged upon her loft bed in the rafters, but her golden, hawkish eyes spied our approach. Judging by the quirk of a smile at the corner of her mouth, she was pleased with the unscheduled visit. Manfred and Franny poked their head in to observe the chaos for a moment, until they grew bored and began playing tag with sweet little Allie.

The two women fussed over me for nearly an hour. Leiliana chittered mirthfully about everything and nothing about little babies as Evangeline ran a brush through my hair. She continued braiding it and unbraiding it until she settled on a style she thought suited me. Evidently, playing with hair was her love language, and she thought I favored a half-up, half-down Orlesian peasant braid.

I felt as though I had fallen through a portal into a spa manned by benevolent god-mothers. Attractive, mesmerizingly beautiful, oddly maternal…

***

After much more attention than I bargained for, I emerged from Morrigan’s roost hot-faced and far more flustered than I thought possible. The lionhearted redhead had not only agreed to deliver an order of a dozen filled donuts–with two specially colored ones–but also unloaded a whole batch of assorted donut holes unto me in the cutest little box.

Much to the children’s delight, we were forced to commandeer a nearby park bench to viciously devour half of them at an alarmingly quick rate. Even little Allie joined our pow-wow, and aided our quest to vanquish the box. Manfred was enamoured with not only the chocolate and powdered sugar ones, but also their teeny size.

“Baby donut!” He screeched in glee.

“You got that right, Freddie.” I grinned conspiratorially, cheering our bite-sized fried dough together. Then I leaned in close and pretended to whisper, “But this is our little secret, ‘kay kids? When your Papa asks, we didn’t eat these before dinner. We’re gonna pretend like we didn’t eat any so we can have more for dessert after dinner.”

I took their excited giggles hidden under tiny hands as agreement.

“Good. Your Papa should meet us here in about forty minutes. Go run all that energy out before he gets here.”

“Oh, oh, oh! Mama!”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can we get the thing tonight? You said ‘maybe next time,’ two times ago!”

I groaned audibly at her astute memory.

“Franny, that is a five pound burrito. Why don’t we just get a normal one?”

“Mama, we can eat it! Allie said she’d help us. We have to get it! It’s called a mmmbari!”

I cursed the day I ever taught Franny to read. When she spotted the ridiculous offering on the Antivan food truck, I knew I was fucked. Not in the way I liked, either.

“Baby, we can’t possibly eat that. That whole burrito is supposed to be a silly joke.”

“But Mama…you said maybe!”

Franny and I stared at each other for a long moment. Her lip out, pouting and pleading with big puppy-dog eyes. Manfred’s attention swiveled between our faces with a silly little smile, delighted to be included and confused about what was happening.

“Well…I suppose you both did a really good job helping me clean the kitchen today…” I offered generously.

“MMMMABARI!” Franny screeched at the top of her lungs, thoroughly abusing the chance to use her outside voice.

“Mabariiiiii!” Manfred echoed, but it was much more reasonable.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. Having two more of you two knuckleheads?” I chuckled, but I was smiling really big. “You’re gonna run me ragged. I know it.”

“Nah-uh!” Franny argued around a giggle. “I’m gonna be a great big sister. I’ve been practicing with Freddie!”

“Sissy!” Manfred giggled in agreement, hugging Franny tight.

“Ooooh…it’s starting to get dark.” I noted absently, but I was mentally cataloging the sweet sight before me. “Go run off all that sugar before your Father gets here.”

***

I breathed a little sigh of relief when I saw who was at the register. It was the teenager with a gothic-centered existential crisis, rather than that Antivan man with the smouldering eyes. That man was a horrible flirt. He made me blush, and he lived for it.

“Hey Kieran.” I opened smoothly. I really played into the bit by shooting him some finger guns. “Looking especially righteous today.”

He said nothing in greeting back at me. Just blinked through a really thick layer of smudged, pitch-black guyliner with a dead-eyed stare. He really was his mother’s son. Really kept his cards close to his chest, but I had no doubt a soft center dwelled underneath all that teenage angst and attitude.

“Yeah, I’m doing great. Thanks for asking.” I answered sarcastically. “Franny has her heart set on the mabari burrito thing she saw on the menu.”

“No one ever orders that unless they are drunk. It’s just for show.”

I peeked back behind me to see if Franny was listening in. She wasn’t. She was seated at a table with her little gaggle of playmates, busying herself playing joust with plastic spoons alongside Allie. Manfred had a bunch of them and was making them cheer like a crowd. Kids really would use their imagination for the craziest, sweetest things.

“Yeah, I have no doubt that’s true. In fact, I’m not actually wanting to order that. Not a big fan of food waste. Even with three hungry kids and myself, I know we wouldn’t be able to finish it. I was actually hoping we could just do a really big one and pretend like it was the werewolf.”

“Mabari.”

“Yeah. That monstrous thing. Whatever.”

“One big ass burrito." Kieran sighed dramatically, clicking away at the tablet in front of him. Then he rolled his eyes. “What meat do you want?”

The way he said it made it sound like I was asking him to take the actual cow ‘round back, rather than ring up an order.

“Yeah, let's do the steak. Oh, but no beans, extra rice. As mild as you can make it.”

“Uncle Zevran doesn’t do substitutions.” He informed me, but only after he had slow-blinked three times at me in silent judgement.

“Franny doesn’t like beans. I don’t want to have to pick them out.”

Then Kieran leaned back and shouted very loudly, “Uncle Zevra–”

“No–wait!” I interrupted, terrified. “I’ve changed my mind!”

It was too late to salvage it. The man I didn’t want to see peeked his head around the back of the truck. When he caught sight of me, he grinned devilishly.

“Ooooh…” Cried the Antivan man with devastating magnetism. “It is the ravishing woman of my dreams. Shall I prepare you another steak and tortilla quesadilla without cheese.”

“Gods, damn it.”

“How I have missed your visits.” He chuckled, then leaned out the window so our faces were inches apart. “Every morning I pray to the maker. I beseech him with the forlorn hope that you will part from that man of yours. Have you come to your senses? Will you at last grant me my fondest wish and run away with me into the night?”

What did they put in the water in Antiva to make all their men so handsome? Gods, I could feel my face burning. Could the earth swallow me whole? Please?

“I am a million months pregnant. With twins.” I replied dismissively.

His smile grew so wide, his eyes crinkled in answer.

“Oh-my-gods-what-is-wrong-with-you.” I mumbled under my breath.

“Pardon? I did not quite catch your declaration of unending devotion.”

“Giant Burrito. Steak. No beans. Extra rice.”

***

It took a ridiculously long time for Zevran to stop flirting me into the dirt, and actually start making our dinner. So long, in fact, the kids got bored and abandoned the table entirely. In the fading light of the day leaning into twilight, I rounded them up from the swings after much persuading.

To my alarm, that was when an unmarked SUV pulled up. While I remained on edge as two figures emerged from it and stalked towards us, I was relieved to see they were gangly teenagers not much older than Kieran. A threat? Yes. But nothing like grown men.

“Ms. Ingellvar?” The shorter one asked, around a crack in his manly voice. “We’ve been sent to collect you.”

I raised an eyebrow in question. Then I laughed. They didn’t like that at all.

“No thanks.” I replied, taking a tight grip on Manfred’s hand. “We have someone expecting us. Several someones.”

I looked to Franny and wasn’t surprised to see her alert eyes were locked on my face. She already had Allie’s hand in her own and was reaching for me.

I wished we were closer to the trucks. I could see them from where we were, but they were just out of shouting distance unless I really reached high into my register. It was hard to get enough air for that these days.

“You misunderstand.” The taller one answered. “You’re coming with us. The invitation is only a formality.”

“Franny.” My voice was soft, but the undercurrent was hard.

I passed Manfred over to her waiting grip.

“Mama?” Franny answered, her voice already fearful and teary.

“Be a brave girl. Take Manfred and Allie to check on our dinner.”

“Mama–no.” She argued, her lip trembling.

She was wickedly smart. Too observant. That was my fault. Our life had taught her too well.

“Franny–Mama needs you to listen. Please. Do what I say. Take the others to Allie’s mama.”

Then I glared at the boys who couldn’t even shave yet.

“If my kids weren’t here, I’d kick your–”

That’s when the shorter one grabbed my arm. When I tried to break his hold—he pushed me up against the side of the car.

“Watch it! I’m pregnant.” As if that wasn’t obvious to anyone with working eyes. “You’re squishing my babies!”

That’s when it all went to hell in a hand-basket. Franny jumped on that boy's back and started pounding him with her tiny fists. When his friend tried to pull her off? She sunk her sharkish teeth so sharply into his hand he squeaked in fright.

“Mierda! Jacobus! She bit me! The little girl bit me!”

“Quit whining and get them in the car!”

When Jacobus tipped me inside the extended cab of the suv like an overturned cow, I saw Allie’s eyes go round with fear. Then she did something I didn’t know she could do–she screamed.

Well. It was actually less of a scream and more pushing all the air out of her body. In the way only a nine year old girl could accomplish. A gigantic, shrill, keening sound not unlike that of a donkey who had never heard another donkey bray. It had Franny and Manfred covering their ears from how horrific it was. She kept that sound going until she was gasping, and leaning onto her knees out of breath.

“What the hell was th–”

“Kadan, I will retrieve the children and the foul-mouthed jester.” A booming voice interrupted, echoing over the long distance. “Do not allow the flames of the grill to engulf the kitchen in my absence.”

“Oh shit.” Jacobus cursed, after looking over his shoulder. “The big guy stepped out of the truck.”

The taller boy’s nervous expression morphed into a petrified, open-mouthed gap of horror.

“The Qunari?”

“Gods–he’s runnin–Get them–the car!”

They didn’t shove the children into the car–they launched them.

Like sacks of potatoes, one after the other, they landed painfully on top of me. The taller teen captor piled into the back seat with us while the other high-tailed it into the driver’s seat. I barely had time to sit up before the engine was starting–and then Jacobus floored it.

The children and I were slung around, crying out in a discordant crescendo of fear and confusion. As the car continued to careen dangerously fast, I forced Franny into the backward facing seat and wrangled the seat belt around her. I had just managed to get Allie and Manfred haphazardly buckled into some seats when we took a sharp turn that had me crashing into one of the doors with an audible thump.

“Who taught you to drive?” I shrieked critically, my funny bone smarting from where it smacked the window glass. “A kamikaze pilot!?”

“Jacobus…” The taller one warned with a tremor of fear, his face pressed up against the back window. “He’s…he’s still following!”

“I’m going as fast as I can. I already ran two red lights!”

“He’s like a horse! Step on it, Jacobus!”

Chapter Text

“You WHAT?” The older crow thundered so viciously it made even me wince.

“You told us to bring her.” Jacobus answered, but his head was down and he was staring a hole into the floor. “She’s…here?”

“You could have been killed!” The expression painted across the canvas of his face was so furious, it had Jacobus melting into his own ribcage. “YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN ALL OF THEM KILLED!”

When Jacobus said nothing in reply, Viago crossed his arms behind his back. Then he leaned in close, towering over him.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” The older man whispered it, but it wasn’t soft. It was a knife in the dark, far more terrifying than when he was yelling.

It was then Jacobus started sniveling.

“I’ll pay for the damage to the car. Just please…” He stumbled out through shuddering sobs. “Please Viago. Please don’t tell Lucrezia.”

“Oh...I won’t tell Lucrezia.” Viago promised, his eyes hard.

That had Jacobus’ head jerking up in wondrous disbelief.

“You won’t? Oh, Viago–”

“You are going to tell Lucrezia.”

“Viago–No!!!” Jacobus screeched, prostrating himself at the other man’s feet to beg. “I’ll work weekends–I’ll work every weekend for the rest of my life. Everyday after-school. I’ll quit school and just work in the restaurant. I clean everything there ever was to clean ever–"

Vigao held up his hand and Jacobus fell immediately silent.

“This isn’t about the car. This isn’t about money. This is about honor.” Viago had begun to stroke his mustache in thought as he metered out his judgement. “Caterina requested her presence as a guest. It is a guest of honor, and her children, that you have manhandled, bruised, and harmed. Recklessly. With disrespectful carelessness and foolish behavior.”

“Viago…please!”

When Jacobus started to pathetically weep, Viago jerked him up by his collar and shoved him towards the back rooms.

“You took your oaths. You aren’t a boy anymore. You represent house De Riva. My house.” He shook his head slowly in warring anger and disappointment. “Get out of my sight while I fix your mess. I cannot look at you.”

“Viago…” Jacobus warbled pitifully.

The older man glared balefully at him, resolutely pointing to the back of house with the air of sentencing someone to the gallows.

“Lucrezia. Right. Now.”

Jacobus resigned himself to a slow walk to face the reaper, disappearing through a door into the kitchens.

“You did well, Viago.” Caterina praised with a small nod. The matriarch of house Dellamorte had witnessed the father-son moment with a simmering smirk of approval. “He is young. He looks to you for guidance and values your regard. With careful rearing, he will grow into a man who will make you proud.”

“I did not ask, Caterina.” Viago sighed wearily, his gaze straying to the ceiling rather than to the greying, wizened figure seated in the booth across from me.

“I’d hate to see what you think a bad job is.” I muttered bitterly, munching on some of the focaccia that had been brought out earlier.

I might have felt more forgiving if it weren’t for the bump on my head, courtesy of Jacobus barely avoiding a 3-car pile up. Said emergency stop involved the car narrowly dodging an oncoming telephone pole. Honestly, that brick wall that scrapped the snazzy paint job never saw it coming.

Thankfully, the kids seemed no worse for wear after our unexpected field trip. Especially since they were two booths away from where the adults were talking, eating their weight in spaghetti and garlic bread. That had stopped all the crying. Every parent worth their salt knew that kids couldn’t cry if their mouths were busy.

“Forgive the boy’s failings this day.” Caterina cajoled graciously. “His heart was in the right place, even if his execution was–”

“Viago was right.” My voice was rage not yet cooled, my eyes sharp and accusing. “That kid nearly got all of us killed. He threatened my kids. I don’t take kindly to shit like that.”

Caterina smiled at my venom, and her brown eyes flickered to Manfred and Franny.

“Children are a precious gift from the maker. Their innocence must be protected. Not all Crow Houses abide by such a rule, but all who serve under the command of House Dellamorte follow this sacred tenet.”

“As does House De Riva.” Viago added.

“Well. At least there is one thing we can all agree on.” I groaned, my smile sarcastic and irritated. “Now, why the fuck did you bring me here? And I’ll tell you straight, if you’re looking to recruit–I’m out. I’ve gone straight. I barely got out of the Ventatori gang alive. If my ex-husband had his way, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I’d be in a pine box, six feet under. I’m not looking for another outfit, or anything else like it.”

Caterina nodded once in acknowledgement. Then her gaze raked over me with a thoroughness that only an x-ray could replicate.

“That’s a big rock on your finger.” Viago’s face morphed into a soft frown as his less intense gaze slid to where my hands rested on the table. “Deep pockets. That doctor of yours must be pretty serious about you. ”

“Indeed.” Caterina chuckled once. “The amount of carats reflects how close he desires another man to approach before he realizes she is engaged.”

“Well, that’s one way to put it.” I couldn’t help the little snort of amusement I let out from her assessment. “Did we come here for you to inspect Emmrich’s choice in jewelry, or were we here for business?”

That made Caterina tip her head back and laugh. A deep thing in her chest that made her whole body shake.

“I like you. You’re quick-witted. I can see why Lucanis admired your spirit.” Caterina’s gaze softened as her attention shifted to the kids. “It is a shame you do not desire to join us, but I understand. Perhaps, more than most. Fledglings only remain small for a precious little time before they take flight from the nest.”

I raised a questioning eyebrow, but my mouth was too busy with focaccia to contribute to whatever moment she was crafting.

“You are a woman who values forthright honesty. I shall not abuse your listening ear.” As she continued, I saw a metered inkling of respect take root in the soft uptick of her smile. “When Lucanis first informed me of his wish to enfold you into the shelter of our house, I was not the only one who raised curious objections. I see now his intentions were more than simply the request of his woman.”

“Look…I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I didn’t ask Lucanis for shit.” I countered, commandeering another slice of the bread. I was hungry as fuck, and if I didn’t eat now the twins would make me regret it. “I’ve hardly said two words to the man. Don’t know where he got the bright idea that I wanted anything to do with the Crows–no offense.”

Her smile dropped and something cruel smoldered in the warmth of her eyes. It was Viago who spoke.

“There is nothing that boils my blood more than when a man raises his hand against a woman in anger like he did.” He leaned in, eyes blazing with a furious kind of seriousness that made my stomach twist. His voice was quiet, so it would not carry to the children’s listening ears. “Simply for the fact that she is vulnerable and he can.”

I could count on one hand the amount of people I had shared my past with. The mouthful of bread tasted of ashes at the mention of before. I had to take a sip of my water to choke it down.

“At the end of the day, it's the same old tired story. Wolfe was an abusive piece of shit. He hurt people for the fun of it–me included.” My attention flickered over to my girl and that tight feeling in my chest returned. “Should have taken the chance to flee before Franny got old enough to recognize what was happening. But it’s over now. He’s behind bars and he’s not getting out. We don’t need your protection. We got new paperwork, social numbers, even a new last name when everything settled. I didn’t ask Lucanis for anything and I don’t want anything from the Crows. I’ve got enough problems.”

A flash of something strange passed between Caterina and Vigao when I finished. I didn’t like it one bit.

“You got something you wanna share with the class, or you planning on leaving me in the–”

“Mama! We finished the ‘pagetti and salad! It was really ‘nummy!” Franny called loudly, a pleased little trill of a cry. “Can we have dessert? Allie likes chocolate the best!”

“Coco!” Manfred echoed in delight.

At the kids’ giggles, Viago cracked a smile that nearly banished that fierce gloom that haunted his handsome face.

“Lucrezia might still have some chocolate cake tucked away from last night.” Viago informed me with a questioning tilt of his head.

I merely shrugged in a what-the-hell gesture.

“I think cavities are the least of our worries today.”

He disappeared behind the swinging door to the back without another word, leaving Caterina and I staring awkwardly at each other.

It was then I remembered to check my phone. It had exploded in the hour since we left the park, and darkness had descended.

“Oh, damn. That’s a lot of missed calls.” I whistled lowly.

Twenty missed calls from Emmrich, and 3 text messages. I sighed deeply, took a breath, and dialed him back. He answered on the fourth ring, when my mouth was full of something a sniffling Jacobs delivered to the table along with a massive slice of cake for the children. It was delicious, as all fried things were, and oddly spicy.

“Tell me you are unharmed!” He panted, his voice anguished and out of breath on the other end.

“Manfred is fine. Franny is fine. Allie is more than fine. They are all splitting a slice of cake right now. Babies are playing tapdance on my–”

“You-are-fine?!” Emmrich demanded in a big rush.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” I answered around a stinging mouth. Whatever this mystery dish was, it was wickedly painful, and I had to take two big gulps of water to clear my throat. “Royally pissed, but alright–Are you running right now?”

“I am–” Emmrich huffed, nearly wheezing from the effort. “I am a block away from your location. The GPS circle around you is large. I am accompanied by Mr. Arainai and his Qunari associate–Sten. He says his name is Sten. Alistair and Keiran split to search another quadrant.”

“Oh, Emmrich…” I groaned in sympathy, sneaking another sip of water for my fiery mouth. “You can stop running. I’m not in danger. This was…a misunderstanding. A big, ridiculously overblown mess, to be quite frank. I’ll tell you more when we get home. Just–take a breath? Everything is okay.”

“Oh–Thank the Maker. I feared–” Emmrich breathed out a long, weary sigh. “Both herself and the children are unharmed. Can one of you relay the message to the others?”

“There you go. Yeah, we’re chilling at the Antivan restaurant in little Arlathan. The kids' bellies are full to bursting with carbs and they are tearing through a delicious looking piece of chocolate cake.”

I paused to smile at Caterina. “Maybe their mommy can get a slice to take home with her. For the trouble, after all. Bygones being bygones, and all that.”

The sparkle in the old woman’s eyes was mirthful and promising.

“We are on route to your location–my phone tells me I am fifteen minutes away on foot.”

When I coughed again, but it didn’t clear the uncomfortable feeling squeezing my esophagus–an odd prickle of fear shivered up my spine as I put two and two together.

“Caterina…what is this?”

“Calamari.”

“Hey, babe…unrelated–but how would someone know if they are allergic to squid? My throat feels itchy.”

***

Emmrich burst through the doors of the restaurant not five minutes later. My valiant white-coated knight arrived at my side with a flushed face, and when he removed his jacket, I realized he had sweat through his pressed white shirt. I was so grateful to see him, I didn’t even complain when he stabbed me in the leg with the epi-pen he carried around for Manfred–much.

“Yow–ch! Good gods, that went straight through my jeans!”

Emmrich didn’t dignify my complaint with a response. He simply took firm hold of my chin, forcing me to look into the assessing gaze of Doctor Volkarin. It was then I saw how red-rimmed his watery eyes were and how his chest was heaving from more than just the exertion of his flight.

“Emm–Oh, come here.” I soothed, pulling my gangly beanpole of a man down into my arms. “If you’re gonna look so sad like that–I’ll forgive you for stabbing me after all.”

Emmrich was shaking. Trembling like a leaf as he hunched over me like a poorly strung scare-crow. Sighing, I pulled him closer and pressed my head against his heart.

“See? Everything is A-okay. Just like I said it was. Kids are all fine. They had a great time once we got here. You should have seen the way Manfred attacked the spagetti–it even had sauce on it! I knew you’d be proud when you heard it. You know how he hates sauce.”

The more I talked, the slower his heart-rate became. Even as his grip on me tightened as he came back to earth. I was no stranger to a panic attack. Goodness knows he’d been there for me at some embarrassingly vulnerable moments lately. The least I could do was talk him down off the metaphorical ledge.

“Emm? If the kids have a little bit of a sugar high…that’s not my fault. I did not aid and abet any sort of sugar binging today.” I felt a flinch go through him when I snickered at my own joke, and I rubbed his lower back in apology. “Okay, maybe that was a bad white lie. I know how you feel strongly about their sugar intake.”

He was really in it, since he didn’t tease me about the sugar comment. We’d gotten in such a fuss the previous week about how much sugar I gave the kids–but it was the Harvest Carnival at Franny’s school. If there was ever a time for little kids to overindulge on candy, it was when they were filling their little buckets to bursting. When we got home, we’d busied ourselves with a board game while waiting for him to bring home dinner.

The kids had been gracious enough to share their score with me. Franny had introduced a barter system with Manfred for her favorites, and the little guy was delighted to negotiate terms. I was a particularly big fan of the sweet and sour gummies, and my baby Freddie had been sweet enough to pass along his portion. I figured it was a texture thing for him, because he had traded all his soft candies to Franny in exchange for chocolates and sour hard candies. Emmrich had been quite cross at me when he saw all the wrappers strewn across the living room rug. I’d made it up to him later that night with a few persuading kisses.

His breathing continued to calm the longer I held him.

“Okay–being so real with you…I know that you don’t want me having too much either, with the babies and all…It’s just? I can’t have any of the other things I like. No caffeine? No sushi? No deli meat? You know that when you can’t have something it’s the only thing you want. And there are two of them…really, it’s a miracle I’ve managed to limit my sugar intake as much as I have. You shouldn’t be fussing at me at all. You should be proud. Growing these little gremlins for you, free of charg–”

My distracting jabbering came to an end when Kieran and Alistair showed up to collect their missing chick. Showed up was a generous way to describe the way the gothic teen crashed through the door like a frightened wildebeest with a ravenous lion on its tail. Emmrich and I were still fussing about the ambulance he was insisting on when the little cherub-faced girl pranced over to her older brother’s outstretched arms.

Her eyes shining in the way only an unexpected adventure and too much sugar could do to a child, Allie tried to sign something at him when she got close–but he was sobbing too hard to catch it. Kieran just crumpled on the ground, his arms smashed around her as he audibly wept. The sight was heart-warming, especially when the big bear of a man Alistair stumbled in after his boy a few moments later.

“See, Kieran?” He rumbled through a relieved laugh, engulfing both his odd-duck children into a fatherly embrace. “All is right with the world. Told you it would be, son.”

“Don’t you dare do that again, Allie!” Kieran groused, and then he glared up at me with the resentful hatred that only a teenager could muster. “What were you thinking? Getting into that car with strangers! Are you mentally challenged?"

She reached both her teeny hands up to his face to get his attention and then began signing really fast.

“She’s the grown-up, Allie!” Kieran argued, his mean look softening but his mouth twisting in irritation. “Of course it’s her fault!”

She signed at him more, but it was faster and with a furious little frown.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Kieran said, turning his face upward. “I don’t care if they said sorry and gave you chocolate cake. They scared all of us–scared you! When I heard you scream I about pissed my–”

Allie didn’t sign at him any more. She headbutted him to get him to look at her again.

That sent Alistair into a wheezing chuckle.

“Well done, sir. The dark knight has reunited with his lost princess. Shall we go home? Your mothers will give me quite the chewing out if I keep them waiting any longer. Though…Kieran was right about something, young lady.”

Alistair waggled a finger at the freckled redhead with a faux-stern seriousness that sent his daughter into a flutter of giggles.

“You gave us all quite the scare. Best you stay close to the nest for the time being, little love.”

***

After the world's most awkward ER visit, the remaining evening found the Volkarin-Ingellvar clan tucked within the sanctuary of Emmrich’s second-story, luxury condo and into their respective beds.

Unable to settle, Emmrich and I were content to whisper to one another in the dark hours of the night. My nervous-nellie of a fiancé was suction-cupped against me, leaving me scarcely enough room to breathe.

“You frightened me.” Emmrich confessed around another watery sniffle. “When I was informed you had been taken–and the children–”

“Hush. Emm–Everything is alright. Everyone emerged unscathed except for that poor car Jacobus–”

“The car? What did he–”

“And in the end, it was a mild allergic reaction!” I cut in, intent to put a pin in something else for him to fuss about. I kept my tone light, as if the glass was half full rather than half empty. “What a valuable experience we gleaned, right? I now know that squid is a no-go for me. I didn’t like it much anyway. Apparently my body agreed. No harm done.”

“Forgive me.” Emmrich’s eyes were still wet. He nodded in thanks when I passed him another tissue.

“For what? Coming to our rescue? By-passing the wait in the ER visit you forced on me? Oh, how terrible. You want to make sure the mother of your children doesn’t–You, know what? I don’t know what the kids loved more. Unlimited breadsticks, chocolate cake, or all the sweet treats the hospice nurses gave them while they chilled out in your office? I think that would be a hard-pressed choice. They had an absolute blast today.”

Emmrich chuckled, but it was wet and reflective.

“On the rare occasion I have brought Manfred with me…he does seem a particular favorite. Such a bright girl, your Francesca. So dreadfully easy to love. Always an observant eye upon Manfred. How my heart lightens when I see them getting on. It is what I wished for him when I sought the clinic’s aid those many months ago.”

“Yeah?” I was smiling so wide my face hurt. “Glad you got your wish.”

“You frightened me today.” Emmrich repeated, his anxiety spiral curling back around once more. “I am ashamed to say I fell to pieces when I received Alistair’s call.”

“Alistair called you? I didn’t know you two had swapped numbers.”

I inclined my head closer to him, and my check brushed his lips as he spoke.

“It seemed prudent. From one father of a child with special needs to another. We were both pleased that our children found friendship with the other, and wished to foster such a connection.”

My hand found one of his as I linked our fingers together in the cool darkness of our room.

“You sweet man…is that why Allie always seems to show up when we visit the playground?”

“When we intend to visit, I alert him of such an outing. As a courtesy.”

At this confession, I couldn’t help grinning like the love-struck loon I was.

“We’ll have to have her over sometime, since the weather is getting colder. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind as long as there are no more unexpected outings. She’s a peach. One of those kids where if you looked at them after they did something naughty, they’d punish themselves. Not that she’s the trouble-maker for the group. That spot belongs to Franny.”

That made Emmrich and I fall into giggles that shook some of the tension from his tense frame.

“You make me feel safe.” I admitted in a whisper, too tired to play coy. “Like I don’t have to do everything alone.”

“You make me feel calm.” Emmrich replied, and he sounded as tired as I felt. “Like I don’t have to worry so much.”

“You are a chronic worrier.” I countered with a throaty chuckle.

“Well…perhaps…but now I worry about different things.”

“Such as?” I asked, my eyelids getting heavier and harder to keep open under the warm blankets.

“You continued health and happiness. Our children–all of them.”

I made an amused noise in my throat and squeezed his hand in happiness.

“Sure I’m worth all the fuss? I’ve brought a lot of trouble to your door. And I’m not the easiest partner to live with.”

“Not a single part of you is an inconvenience.”

“God, you are–wanna elope tomorrow?” I proposed, like a lovestruck crazy person. “I hear the casino at the Cantori diamond does fifteen-minute weddings.”

“Perhaps it would be beneficial to inform our friends of our engagement before we do anything rash.”

“That wasn’t a no, Doctor Volkarin.”

“Evelyn.” It was his ‘be sensible’ voice.

“Yeah. Yeah. I think Marian is gonna blow a gasket when she sees the ring on my finger. Might have a stroke if I got hitched without telling her. Varric’s feelings would be hurt too.”

“To say nothing of Bellara. It would break her heart to not be present when we traded vows. She has been a good friend to our family.”

“Okay…” I agreed reluctantly, a little put out at his sputtering of my impulsive romantic intention.

“Next week would be much more reasonable. I shall make an appointment at City Hall.”

“Emmrich?” I turned to face him, my lavender gaze gentle and my mouth soft.

“Yes, my dearest heart?”

“I like that I bring you peace. That I was able to help you relax tonight…even if it was me who made you worry.”

“I love that I make you smile.” Emmrich confessed, his voice willowy and soft. “You bestow them upon me so frequently I have become spoiled by their presence.”

We fell asleep after that. Our hands still intertwined, staring at each other until our eyes grew too heavy to remain open.

Chapter Text

The weather had dipped much lower than the typical Autumn register. So low it had begun to spit snow flakes. Winter coats and mittens were dug out and talks of snow days were had. This early turn of events was unfortunate, since nothing from last winter fit me, apart from the lucky find of a stretchy sweater dress and my most forgiving pair of tights. While it wasn’t my favorite outfit, Emmrich had loved the look. He had told me as much, before he pushed me and the kids out for an unplanned brunch with Bellara. He would have joined our outing if he hadn’t been needed for hospital rounds to cover for someone.

Manfred and Franny had been good eaters this morning. They’d loved the pancakes. Manfred had even tried a bite of sausage off my fork. It was slow progress having him try new foods, but he was expanding his taste buds on his own terms like the big boy he was growing to be.

It was when Bellara led us around the corner to a maternity shop that I figured out what this was actually all about.

“Look. It was real sweet of Emmrich to ask you to come with me, but if you have other things to do today…”

“Oh, no!” Bellara grinned, open mouthed and eager. “I wasn’t busy at all today. More than happy to help you look for some more comfy clothes. I’d offer you some of mine from when I carried Manfred, but I’m afraid I gave them away already.”

“Seriously, I’m just gonna order a few dresses online. Maybe a pair of maternity jeans. I’m not going to be pregnant for much longer. Be a waste of money to buy a bunch of clothes I’ll only wear–”

Bellara grabbed my hand with a beaming, sincere smile that made her eyes sparkle.

“I’d love to look with you. And maybe we could look at a few white dresses? You know…just for fun. No reason…”

My answering grin was slight and spread slowly across my face in answer.

“Well…maybe we could just look…”

Our side-quest ultimately proved successful. In the end, I was armed with a few more outfits that would cover my ever-growing belly, and even a white lace dress Bellara had insisted on. It was empire waisted with long sleeves and came down a little past my knees. What really got everyone giggling and sold Franny on it was when I started modeling it like I was on a runway.

“Look–It’s giving shot-gun wedding.” I teased, rubbing my belly for exaggerated effect. “I can’t wait too much longer if this is the one. I get any bigger and I’ll rip the seams.”

“Evie!” Bellara laughed, but it was more a shriek with how shrill it was.

***

Bellara wouldn’t let me carry the bags, not even when I asked nicely. Since it was a weird inbetween of past lunch but not quite dinner, we decided to brave the cold at the park until we got hungry again.

We had just reached the end of the pedestrian walkway across the river when Franny and Manfred took off like rockets for the swings. I had turned to smile and say something sassy to Bellara when my phone rang. I answered without looking.

“Hey, Babe, we are just wrapping up and–”

“So nice to hear your voice, Rook.” Came the cruel, unmistakable voice on the other end.

I forgot to breathe. The man from my nightmares rumbled a wistful purr that had me breaking out in gooseflesh.

“Oooh…how I’ve missed it these past few months. Missed you. I was hurt that you never came to visit me.”

I froze in my tracks so suddenly Bellara ran into my back.

“Oh! Sor–Evie?” Bellara asked, sensing my mood sharply shift. “You alright?”

“How is the weather in Nevarra city? I’ve been meaning to visit, but I’ve been a little…tied up. Been thinking that we could–”

I didn’t listen to the rest. I was too busy throwing my phone to the ground so the screen shattered. Then stomped on it. Over and over again. Until it went dark. Then I scooped it up and took the battery out. For good measure, I tossed both pieces over the edge and into the rushing river below us.

When I turned back to Bellara, she was slack-jawed and staring at me with enormous, horrified eyes.

“Bel. I need your phone.”

“Wha? You just ruined yours!” She squeaked in confusion. “Absolutely no–”

I grabbed her by the shoulders, my whole body shaking and my teeth chattering.

“Ple–Please. Marian. I have to–I need–” My throat was tight with sudden tears.

Bellara’s brow furrowed in confusion, but then she was passing her pink smartphone into my too-tight grip. I dialed the number, one of the five I had memorized. Marian picked up on the fifth ring.

“Kirkwall Police department, Captain Hawke–”

“Marian.” I was beyond words from how painfully fast my heart was galloping in my chest.

“Evvy-baby.” There was regret in her voice. More than a smidge of fear too. “Varric…he was gonna call you in a minute. Aveline just told me–he got out this morning.”

“You. Knew.” It was an accusation, coated in bitterness and betrayal.

“It–wasn’t…I–I don’t even know what to say.” Her voice was tired, and defeated. “I’m still in shock that they offered him a plea deal in the first place. A plea deal and time served to get rid of a worse evil. I know money changed hands but I can’t prove anything without–”

I handed Bellara her phone back before I threw up my breakfast over the railing. It was a shame too, because it had been one of those ritzy places. The eggs benedict had been delicious.

“Yeah, she…she needs a minute.” Bellara explained, dropping our shopping bags. She put the phone on speaker and started rubbing my back when the dry heaving wouldn’t stop. “Evie just got a call. She broke her phone and everything.”

“He…he called you? How would he have your number? He shouldn’t–”

“Marian.” I sobbed, fighting past watery eyes and the roiling nausea in my belly. “He knows I’m in Nevarra.”

“You’ve been scrubbed! New…everything! He shouldn’t be able to find you.”

The horrific knowledge had me throwing up again, even though my stomach was empty and hardly anything came up. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve when I was done.

“Marian…What do I do? What do I do?” It was a helpless, hopeless mantra. “How would he know where I am? ”

“I don’t know, but you can be damn sure I’m going to find out. I’ll get Fenris on it. For now–Go home. Get the essentials. Then go hide out at Volkarin’s Place. Varric and I will be on the next plane. I’ll call Neve. She’s closer to you.”

When she hung up, I was already turning towards my apartment–then Bellara took me by the shoulders, her fingers digging in when I tried to pull away from her.

“I’ll come with you. We’ll get the kids and–”

“No!” I ordered, but it came out as more of a scream than a command. “No–Just–Kids. Your place. Don’t let them out of your sight. Tell them–tell them whatever you need to. Just get them somewhere safe. Somewhere hidden.”

“No, Evie.” The slight, willowy woman countered. “I think you should come with us. You’re scaring me a little bit. Scaring me because I’m scared for you.”

“Franny needs Garahel!” I shouted, jerking from her grip so fiercely I nearly went over the side of the railing. “She–She can’t sleep without him! He keeps the nightmares away.”

I already had our go-bag packed. It was in the top of the closet, along with our passports and the emergency money. In and out. Five minutes. Grab the go-bag. Grab Garahel.

Bellara’s smile was a glassy, cajoling thing with how wide her eyes were.

“I think she needs you more.”

“In and out. Five minutes. Got our passports, our papers–Everything. Garahel. Paperwork. Five minutes. Gone.”

“Evie!” Bellara called, reaching for me when I took off running. “Evie wait–Come back!”

I was half a block away before her voice faded.

***

I had just grabbed the bag, and tucked Garahel under my arm, when someone began knocking on my door. When I didn’t answer, the knocking got louder and more insistent. I was struggling with the sealed shut window to the fire escape when the ancient door began to creak, groaning against the onslaught and splintering under the strain of the man throwing his weight against it.

Two of Wolf’s cronies. The one with the limp and the one with the lazy eye with the wandering hands. He’d sent them on purpose because he knew how much they terrified me. His most loyal attack dogs, with no crumbs of decency or moral quandaries to be found between them.

“Hello, Rook.”

I tried to run. Tried to get away. All the good that did was give me a busted lip and blood sprawled across my carpet.

“If we hadn’t cornered you here, we were gonna pay your little girl a visit at school. Flush you out like a fox out of its den.”

“You stay the fuck away from my daughter.” I thundered through the blood in my teeth. “She’s off limits–kids were always off limits.”

“Rules changed. New boss doesn’t care. Very interested in you though. Doesn’t like snitches. Wants to have a long chat about it, in fact.”

“Wolfe’s gonna be so disappointed in you. Barely a year out and got yourself all knocked up? Seems like you didn’t learn your lesson after all. Can’t wait to spend some time together since you’re not Wolfe’s pet anymore.”

***

The chill in the air was biting and cruel through my fucked up dress. It hung weird in places now. All stretched out and ripped.

I fell to my knees when we reached the car, the asphalt scraping painfully into my knees. My ruined tights did nothing to stop the burning of my skin against the unforgiving ground. If Limp’s laugh was terrifying, Lazy-eye’s was bone-chillingly horrific.

Once they had me in the trunk–I was a dead woman.

“This isn’t your turf.” Came the steely, cutthroat voice of an Antivan woman.

My captors and I turned to take in the heart-stopping sight of three Crows approaching, their gate unhurried and their faces ominously neutral. Lucrezia, Viago, and a woman I didn’t recognize.

My captors took a step back at their approach. Everyone in the Venatori outfit knew a Crow when they saw one. Everyone knew not to fuck with Crows. Crows were legion. Trained from birth to murder, torture, and assasinate. Venatori were just out for a quick buck and to sate the cruelties found within mankind.

“Just a shepherd retrieving a lost little lamb.” Limp informed, but the tremor in his voice betrayed his nervousness. “Won’t happen again.”

“No. It won’t.” Viago agreed. “After this, no one in your outfit will dare set foot in Nevarra.”

It was Lucrezia who came close. Wrapped her arms around me from where I stooped on the cold ground. Helped me up. Tucked close to her side, she drew me away to hide behind Viago and the other woman.

Viago inclined his head to look back at us, his assessing gaze raking over me in a way that was both chillingly intense and fatherly at the same time.

“Mi amore.” Viago intimated to the woman at his side. “She’s roughed up.”

“How bad?” The woman whispered, not taking her eyes off the Venatori in front of her.

“Split lip. Head trauma.”

“They push you?” She asked, but I startled when I realized she was asking me. “Your bebes?”

My thoughts were running slowly. Like sap dripping from a tree. After a minute, I nodded.

“Yes.” Lucrezia answered. “They pushed her.”

“They touch you?”

I said nothing. Lucrezia’s strong arms were all that was keeping me upright.

“We only need one to deliver a message.” Lucrezia’s whisper was cruel, a snarl marring her pretty face.

“What message?” It was Lazy-eye.

“She’s one of us.” Viago answered. “Teia, make it crystal clear. Lucrezia and I will see to the rest.”

“Shit. We-we didn’t know. We didn’t know!”

“Blood for blood.” The woman decreed, withdrawing her knives. “The Crows send their regards.”

***

I was ushered into an unmarked, black SUV. The leather interior was plush. The cab in the back was extended to allow more leg room, but it was a different model than the one Jacobus had ruined. It was much nicer. It didn’t smell of fast food and teenage insecurity.

Viago drove, and Lucrezia sat across from me. When my hands trembled too much, she helped me with my seat belt. I sat quietly, staring out the tinted window as cars and trees passed by in a whirl.

“Evelyn.”

When I looked back at her, she was offering a water bottle in her outstretched hand.

“You are safe.”

Her honey-blonde hair was swept up in a black claw clip. She had one of those baby-faces. Where she could be anywhere from sixteen to early twenties. Her dove-grey eyes didn’t help matters, with how much real estate they took up. It was the way her face was sculpted, too. All soft and delicate, like those angel statues you saw in museums.

I realized I had been staring at her too long, rather than taking the water. When I did, I held it close instead of drinking it.

“Am I? They are just going to keep coming. I was supposed to be scrubbed–that was the deal. I testify in court and I get a new lease on life. He was never supposed to get out. They promised.”

When I looked up at Lucrezia, her expression had turned pitying and sad. It made me tear up, just looking at the empathy I found there.

“I’m a dead woman walking.” I announced through more helpless, useless tears. “Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. He’s never gonna stop until he has my blood on his hands. He’s–I wish Marian had let him finish it then. I was so fucking stupid to even try–to hope that–”

Then I was wheezing, unable to catch my breath.

Damn. Left the inhaler Emmrich had foisted on me back at his place.

“No.” Lucrezia took my hand and nearly crushed it in her vise grip, bringing me back out of my own head. “You’re part of our family–an attack on you was an attack on house Dellamorte and De Riva itself.”

“What–tell Emmrich.” It was meant as a question, but came out as broken-off huffs.

“The truth?” Lucrezia hummed, pulling a pack of tissues from her pocket. Then she added as she gently blotted tears off my smarting face. “How else do we explain that black eye? You ran into a door?”

“Guess…fell down…stairs?” It started off as a joke but went flat without a punchline, and how out of breath I was.

“You tell him the truth. The full, entirety of it. About Rook too.”

I took about ten deep breaths before I tried to talk again.

“Knows enough–Rook.” I gasped out around my wheezes. “Didn’t want…be her. Anymore. Emmrich’s…Evie.”

It was good while it lasted. Shame it wasn’t longer.

“We need to tell him that the Ventatori were looking for you. How can he keep you safe unless you warn him?”

“Better if you hadn’t…intervened. Maybe…over now.”

“Don’t talk like that. The Crows will not allow an attack like this to stand unpunished.” She whispered it so softly and honey sweet, I barely caught it. “More than that…My son owes you a debt. I shall see it repaid in his stead.”

When I met her eyes again, they were a raging cauldron of wrath of a woman who had been hurt. Then she was batting a clean tissue against my forehead, and it had me whimpering from the unexpected sting of it.

“Damn. That’s gonna need stitches. How far away is Mourn Watch Memorial?”

“Five.” Viago had been so quiet, I’d forgotten he was there. “Three, if the traffic stays the way it is.”

***

I surprised them when I rolled out before the car came to a full stop at the hospital entrance. I managed to shake Lucrezia at the elevators. People stared at me, but no one tried to stop me as I moved through the halls with purposeful steps. That was the way you got into places you didn’t belong. Act like you belonged there and were doing something important.

I made it to Emmrich’s office in the oncology wing, but it was locked. I jiggled the handle, my mind blank on what to do next. I didn’t have a phone anymore. Didn’t have anything on me but the clothes on my back. I just kept staring at it, blinking like an idiot. As if that was gonna change anything.

If I couldn’t tell him in person, I had to write him a note. How sorry I was. How I had to leave. He’d understand. He’d be angry, but he’d understand eventually. I’d hit the atm after this and high tail it to Minrathous with Franny. We’d try again. He’d have to understand. Even if he hated me for it.

That last thought had a wracking sob coursing through me. It morphed into a coughing fit that left me trembling and unable to stand, sinking to a crouch against the wood.

“Hello?” A posh voice, smooth as honey greeted. “Are you lost? Patient rooms are–”

The dapper man’s eyes went wide when I whirled to face him, still clutching the door handle. The pure terror on my face must have clued him in. That and how fucked up my sweater dress was. The collar had been stretched until it ripped. My tights were ruined, all scuffed at the knees and whole-y.

He stared, shell-shocked at the sight of me for a moment. Then his kind face pinched around the edges in nervous welcome.

“Ah. Mrs. Volkarin. Lovely to–well, I’ve heard much gossip from the nurses. Emmrich hasn’t been very tight-lipped about you around here. I’ve seen many, many pictures of you and your little girl.”

He took two steps closer, and I took one step back. He nodded once, and held up his hands in surrender.

“I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Dr. Pavus–but you can call me Dorian. All my friends do.”

The softening of my shoulders had a strained smile reviving on his face from where it had fled.

When someone passed by the hallway we were in, Dorian waved them over.

“Myrna? I need you to bring a wheelchair ‘round. I have a VIP who needs a first class ticket to OB. She’s about to be very popular.”

***

The dash up two floors was short in the staff elevator. I was wheeled down a hallway decorated with painted motifs of storks and smiling faces. When we made it to the nurse’s station there were a horde of concerned, kind faces all around me. In the sea, I kept looking for Margaret, but hers wasn’t there.

The nurses who weren't Margaret kept asking me questions I couldn’t answer.

“Mrs. Volkarin, did you fall? Your hands are scraped up.”

“Mrs…what hurts?”

I felt…tired. And everytime I tried to talk, I started that fucking wheezing again.

“Gods–her neck…”

“Quiet, Dagna. Don’t make it worse.”

I jerked away when someone touched my arm. Their touch was feather-light but it hurt. While I was distracted someone put a device on my finger.

“Mrs. Volkarin, I need to get your blood pressure to check on baby, okay?”

“Do the other arm. She’s bruised on that one.”

“Should we give her something? Her heartrate…”

“I wouldn’t. Not ‘till someone more senior gets here.”

“Where is her chart? I don’t see one for Volkarin in our records. Dorian said she’d been seen here before.”

“Why doesn’t she have an admittance bracelet to scan?”

“Shit, that’s it! She was in the ER last night. It’s under Ingellvar, not Volkarin.”

“Hey Mama...We need you to keep the mask on. Your O2 is low. I know it’s uncomfortable, but we want to make sure both you and baby get enough oxygen.”

“Everything is going to be alright. You’re safe here.”

“Dorian has gone to get your man. He’ll be up here any minute now.”

Everything started making more sense when Dr. Lavellan showed up. When she took in my busted lip, torn clothes, and whatever expression I was wearing, she immediately started bossing everyone around. Forced the oxygen mask back on my face with that tight smile of hers that never reached her eyes.

I brightened when Margaret scurried in behind her. Her expression matronly and warm, even if her eyes were sad. When she gently secured the blood pressure cuff on my uninjured arm–I didn’t fight her.

Then Lavellan was shining a light in my eyes that was blindingly bright and painful.

“Evie, you are safe here.” Margaret soothed, her tone patient and light. “Can you tell me where you are?”

I just looked at her. After a long minute, I realized I couldn’t remember what she asked me.

“It’s alright, Evie.” Lavellan answered in my stead. “Margaret is going to help you take your dress off. It’s just us girls here. Nothing any of us haven’t seen before. Make it easier for us to check on you and your little ones if you are wearing a gown.”

After I was changed into an ill-fitting gown, Margaret started an IV in my hand so expertly and swiftly I hardly noticed.

“She was just wandering around like this? Sera–page Cullen and have him review the tapes. I want to know if she came in alone, or someone came with her.”

“You got it boss-ma’am.”

“Dagna–I want Bull at her door. No one else. Level four lockdown on the Mother and Baby unit. Badges only.”

“Yes ma’am. I’ll get on the radio.”

“Cassandra–code pink. Bag and tag. It only leaves your hands if it goes into Thom’s. And…fetch a kit. In case we need it. We don’t know what we are dealing with here.”

“Of course, Dr. Lavellan.”

“It’s alright, Evie.” Margaret reminded me, her tiny hand a comforting weight on my shoulder. “Dr. Volkarin will be here very, very soon. Someone is going to get him right now. Everything is going to be alright.”

Not five minutes later Emmrich burst into my exam room and the truth was an epiphany that was damning.

My death was going to break his heart.

That’s when the dam broke. The wheezing returned with a viciousness that left my vision a hazy mess, between the sudden black spots and my tears.

“Breathe! Breathe, Evelyn!” Emmrich’s hands were on my aching face, ripping the oxygen mask off and forcing the rescue inhaler from his pocket into my mouth.

He’d been insistent on getting me one. Fussed at me for not carrying it around, like he asked. Convinced that the elephant-on-my-chest feeling wasn’t just anxiety. That it’d been asthma the whole time. Made worse by the cold weather and most recently by pregnancy as the twins pushed on my diaphragm.

If I hadn’t broken out in a cold sweat and been so desperate for a full breath, I might have tried to make a joke about it. Seemed like a bad time for one though, with how everyone in the room was freaking the fuck out. I could probably wait the moment out. For their sakes. Plus, the inhaler was still in my mouth.

“Slowly. Deeply. Hold that breath.” Emmrich soothed, settling at my side on the bed as he administered another dose of the inhaler. “Again. Once more. Just like that.”

When he withdrew it from my mouth, he replaced the oxygen mask on my face.

“Evelyn, my love–What has happened?” He cradled my face in his hand, an roiling cauldron of emotion within his misty, sugarcane gaze as he searched for the truth.

I opened my mouth to answer, but all that came out was a garbled sob. Panic attacks. Sons of bitches. Stealing my air. Stealing my voice.

I couldn’t answer him. Instead, I all but collapsed against his shoulder. My strength evaporated like seafoam. I buried my face against the warmth of him, clutching the back of his shirt as if he was going to disappear. It was when he encircled me in the security of his embrace–that was when I felt that haunting, squeezing feeling of dread released.

“I don’t like that blood pressure reading one bit. Margaret–get a sedative. Start small. We can up it if we need to.”

The rest of the afternoon passed before me in a blink. Tests were run. Scanning machines whirled around like the acts in a circus performance. At some point, Emmrich’s phone rang. When he saw who it was, he stood and excused himself to the restroom. That was the only time Emmrich let go of my hand since he appeared at my side.

“Mr. Dellamorte. Thank you for returning my call.”

Emmrich had called him? When did that happen?

“I see. Thank you for informing me of the events that transpired. Evelyn has been…unable to convey them.”

A long moment of silence passed as I listened.

“Yes. Your aid in this moment would be most welcome.” Emmrich agreed, his voice colder than I’d ever heard it. “A tragedy of this magnitude must never come to pass again.”

A few heartbeats passed.

“No.” Emmrich vowed. “I would dare not leave her alone in such a state.”

***

After several hours of tests, they finally decided to let me leave–but only under Emmrich’s supervision. I didn’t remember the car ride, or entering the lobby. It seemed I blinked, and I was tucked amongst the soft covers of our bed. Emmrich kept fussing over me. Fished out one of his softest t-shirts that hung to my knees. Put the soft music I liked on the smart tv. Called Bellara to check on the kids, and told me they were safe. Then he microwaved a cup of my favorite butternut squash and tomato soup. The fancy kind, that came from a carton and not a can.

“Captain Hawke and Mr. Tethras wished you to know that they are en-route. The storm between here and Kirkwall has grounded flights for the next few hours. They hope to join us shortly. Perhaps as soon as tomorrow afternoon.”

I nodded in answer, and patted the empty space next to me when he just stayed standing over the bed awkwardly.

“You can sit next to me. Pretty sure bruises aren’t contagious–but you would know better.” I laughed, but it came out weird.

“Evelyn…” Emmrich screwed his eyes shut and shook his head sadly.

Then he sat at my feet. Took my free hand that wasn’t cradling my soup mug and caressed it gently in his own, his careful touch not angering where the IV had been. We stared at each other, my reluctant lavender gaze to his anguished hazel. Clearly, neither one of us knew what to say next.

I was the first one to break the ice. Had to be done.

“Emmrich–it’s too dangerous for me to stay in Nevarra. I'm gonna need to lay low for a while.”

Emmrich's head snapped up at that, his expression shifted from soft and loving into something crazed. As if I’d just told him that the house was on fire, rather than pointing out the stone-cold truth of it. It had me setting my nearly finished soup on the nightstand next to me, gearing up for this unpleasant conversation.

“If you think I am foolish enough to relinquish you because of another’s misguided, malignant designs upon your person–”

“Emmrich, I’m no good for you. You don’t know who I really am. I haven’t told you everything. I’ve done bad things. Really, really bad things. If you knew even half of the things I did–”

“I do not know if my intelligence or my character should be insulted more. Do you think me so infantile that I do not fathom the risks of my association with you? Or that I would be so cowardly to disassociate myself with you when you need my support most?”

“Emmrich you are hearing me, but you aren’t listening.” I argued, feeling that hollow disappointment ringing in my chest.

He wasn’t going to make this easy for me.

“I’m bad news. I’m trying to give you an easy out.” I pulled my hand away from his grip, and took my ring off. Held it out to him with a warbling frown. “Thanks for making me feel like I was worth something–if only for a little while.”

Emmrich stared at it like it was a bomb, rather than a priceless family heirloom. Belonged on a nicer finger than mine, anyway.

“No.”

It wasn’t an argument. The way he said it had my stomach dropping and my breath catching. His stare was so intense, the protective inflection in his thunderous whisper was so suffocating I had to look away.

“Emm–This is me laying all my cards on the table. My apartment is compromised. They know where I am. Franny and I can’t stay there anymore. Things…can’t be how they were. Wish it was different, but it isn’t.”

There went my chance to graduate out the window. Even though it was the next best place, I couldn’t go back to Kirkwall. The Venatori was too pervasive there. Maybe after bunking with Neve for a few days, Franny and I could start over somewhere in the south. Now that the war between Orlais and Ferelden was done, that opened some more doors that had been closed before.

Gods, but what about the babies? It would be some sick cosmic joke for me and Emmrich to split them. Which one of our twins do you like better because I’m taking the other one? Yeah, that’d go over great. He’d be over the moon with that.

Then another possibility had me nearly sick again, the taste of the acidic soup crawling back up my throat.

I could leave Franny with Emmrich. She would be safer with him than with me. It wasn’t an if that the Venatori would find me again. It was when. Mothers did harder things for their children. I would never forgive myself if something happened to one of my kids because of my fucked up choices.

So lost in thought, I startled when Emmrich came to his decision.

“You are right.” He agreed, nodding his head.

“Listen, I’m sorry it has to be–”

“I will buy out your lease. It would be easier if we all live together. I will speak to Vorgoth about suspicious characters. The addition of Crow protection gives me some solace, but surely his aid in assuring your safety would be most welcome in the endeavor.”

“Are you batshit crazy?” My heart lurched, torn between half-fear and half-hope. “You can’t be serious. I just told you the gang I ran from is on my tail. If the others hadn’t–I’m putting you in danger just by being here right now!”

Emmrich’s brow furrowed and his expression turned so irritated that little vein popped out on his forehead.

“Emmrich, I’m a bad person.” I argued, trying to pull away from his iron-clad grip. “I’m a bad person who tried to go straight. Tried to outrun my past but it caught up to me anyway. It’s best we part ways here before someone gets hurt.”

“Someone did get hurt.” My fiance whispered, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he forced it to relax. “You were harmed viciously this day.”

“Someone innocent, Emmrich.”

That had Emmrich leaning forward, and the hard look in his eyes had me rooted to the spot. The same furious kind of seriousness I had seen in Viago’s eyes.

“If you imagine that you somehow earned such violence upon your person–you are profoundly mistaken. Evelyn, you were their victim. A young woman, desperate to protect her child. Presented with precious few options before her. A teenager coerced, groomed by an older man to join an evil organization. Punished at every opportunity you dared grasp towards freedom for yourself and Francesca.”

My mouth was so dry, I nearly swallowed my tongue.

“Varric shouldn’t–Listen, how you feel about it doesn’t change anything. I walked into the contract. The consequences for breaking it are my own. It’s not fair and it’s not right for you to have to pay them too.”

Emmrich didn’t argue further. He took the ring I still held and slipped it back on my finger. Once he had it secured, he was crawling up the bed to hold me close. He tucked my head under his chin and wrapped me up in an embrace warmer than any blanket could provide. That had me tearing up again, against my wishes.

“I have no intention of ever relinquishing you. I simply refuse. You agreed to my looking after you months ago. I intend to do it for the remainder of my days.”

That declaration had my face twisting into a ugly snarl from how kind he was.

I’m head over heels in love with you.

“My head hurts.” Is what I said instead, after the quiet went on too long.

“I’m sorry.” He said it as if it was his fault. “Your scans showed no internal bleeding or damage, apart from the bruising. The impact of today’s events will be both physical and psychological. Allow me to attempt something that might aid you?”

Emmrich’s touch was so heavenly as he massaged my scalp, I almost forgot about everything else.

“Gods, your hands are magic.” I teased, but it was tinged with a sadness I couldn’t shake. “But I bet all the women who invite you to their bed tell you that.”

“I have received such summons before.” Emmrich replied, his own tone suave but lingering with more bitter than sweet.

“I’ll bet you have, Doctor Volkarin. You make a lot of house calls, or am I just a lucky girl?”

He didn’t even fuss at me for calling him Doctor this time.

“I had quite the social rolodex in my youth.”

I let out a soft chuckle, but it was tired.

“Sometimes you are so charming–I forget how ancient you are. How was the War of the Banners?”

“How do you manage to punctuate every compliment with a barb to pierce me to the quick?”

“It’s a gift.”

Emmrich chuckled at my smartass mouth, but then the haunting silence returned sharper than it was before.

“Emmrich?”

“Yes, beloved?”

“I’d like to stay. To stay with you. In your house. Be your wife. Be a family with you.” It wasn’t a statement. It was a plea. A heartbreakingly honest one, with a few tears leaking down my face. “I want it…more than anything.”

I’m sorry I brought danger to your door.

“So you shall, my dearest heart.” Emmrich promised as I sobbed into his chest, pulling me closer into his embrace. Then he placed a trembling kiss into my hair. “You shall remain under the shadow of my house. Kept within the shelter of my heart. None shall take you from my arms. I refuse to allow such a thing.”