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Chapter Text

“She says, she's no good with words but I'm worse”

“Barely stuttered out a joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue”

With every giddy step the young blonde girl wearing a scarf with razor sharp teeth takes the many puddles of blood spread across the ground ripple around her.

She smiles wide at every step of her feet as the lakes of blood shimmer and reflect her distorted image back to her. 

The image of something inhuman.

With hair done up in messy buns and teeth sharper than a lion's. A monster clad in a school girl's outfit and pretending to be something she's not. 

A normal Human.

Something she never was.

Her messy hair and clothes are smeared with fresh and dried blood that's long grown cold by now. Just like the mountains of corpses surrounding her, stacked high enough that they almost reach the ceiling.

Her face and teeth are stained a deep crimson red as she dances with every step across the puddles of crimson flowing from the faceless corpses strewn around her. The music in this ruined and dilapidated bar drowns out all the noises coming from outside, and the constant pounding and yelling of someone trying to get in through the only doors in or out. 

It's strangely nostalgic in a way, that sound is just like when she used to try and lock her door every time her parents were mad at her. They would pound and shake the door for what felt like hours until they would find the key she started hiding so she was safe. At least until they stopped being angry.

Mostly. 

Oh, it's not nostalgia.

No, it's trauma.

The small and lithe girl giggles until it hurts as she looks at all the bleeding and pulsing wounds that all the people she's killed have. Every single one is dripping such beautiful and sweet smelling blood.

It fills her with such overwhelming emotions she can't stop smiling. 

It's so wide it hurts.

“I'm two quarters and a heart down”

“And I don't wanna forget how your voice sounds”

But the young brunette sitting on a throne of corpses in the middle of the room and covered in fatal wounds catches her eye.

She takes an almost gleeful skip across one of the dead bodies full of knives that is still twitching a little bit even after it's long dead.

She can't help but let out a sonorous sounding laugh as she playfully kicks at the blood staining her shoes a deep red like a little kid. It's just like when she used to play in the rain as a little kid.

When her mother still loved her, and her fangs hadn't come in yet. A time she has wished to go back to so much in her short life, but will never come true.

All that remains from back then is the desire for love and blood. Nothing else.

The moment her fangs came in she was no longer anything close to human.

The smell of sweetness filling the air makes her feel euphoric, like she's done a line of drugs. It's almost enough to drown out the pain of everything she feels.

“You always fold just before you're found out

"Drink up it's last call”

She twirls in place over and over as she sings in a faux joyful tone to the music playing through the bar with these shadowy corpses that she can't see as people surrounding her. 

They're just bags of what she needs, blood. But without any of the love she wants. 

She pauses for a moment as that girl in the corner of her eyes catches her and something strange passes through her monstrous and vile heart. 

Then when another drop of blood drips from that girl's fingers she begins to dance even harder and smile even wider.

Even as her tears begin to fall even faster.

She twirls and twirls again and again even faster this time as the song goes on and her smile grows wider and wider.

She giggles over and over again with every wet step she takes towards her and every flick of her hand holding the blood stained blade that killed her. 

With every twirl she makes and painfully loud giggle she lets out everything else begins to fade away into darkness until her eyes focus on the freshest of these corpses.

Her.

She skips over to the still warm body and kneels down towards her newest victim. 

A girl she loves more than anybody else, and will never feel anything like that again.

“Hehe beautiful” she reaches out to touch their pale skin and feel as this lovely warmth she's always loved fade away from the one she loves more than life itself. Such a macabre scene makes that smile on her face bigger until her muscles start to tear. 

“Beautiful”

Another tear falls into the puddle of blood surrounding them both and causes ripples in the dark liquid that spread to the rest of the corpses she can't see.

She sniffles as the smell of the sweetest thing she's ever known fills her lungs and she hates it.

She looks down at short Brown hair matted with blood and she smiles wider until the muscles in her face begin to tear themselves apart. 

She takes those cheeks with fading pink on them into her palms and looks deeply at that soft round face covered in cuts and scrapes and gashes that spill that sweet blood across her skin. 

She loves giving people these wounds, but not her. No. Because her blood is too precious to waste a single drop, and trying to make her beautiful is redundant when she's already the most beautiful girl she's ever seen. 

The cutest girl in the world.

Those words make her eyes sting and her lips quiver in pain.

She places her head against the dead young girl's own and lets out a laugh, filled with pain and misery.

A laugh that is anything but real, because it's not a laugh of happiness. 

It's pain, and misery, everything else she feels in this moment, but most of all regret for what she did to the girl she loves.

“Come on and smile, that's how everyone knows you're happy, Ochako” tears flow down her face and leave streaks down her blood covered face as she repeats back those words she doesn't believe. Words she despises more than anything, even herself.

“How else are they going to know you're happy and this is what you want?” she let's out a pain filled giggle that hurts to make, as her words warble and shake with every syllable.

“Dance, this is the way they'd love”

The grating music echoing throughout the bar makes her wish she could just turn it off, but she can't. Because she's locked in this room with everyone she's ever hurt. Just like most nights she's spent asleep. 

The only reprieve is when she gets to see Ochako, that's how it used to be. But now after all these years even Ochako brings her guilt and pain. 

But she doesn't hate it, not when it's Ochako that makes her feel like this. 

Never Ochako.

She lets out another pained warble as she rests her head against the girl she loves and sobs as the music plays and grates on her throbbing skull.

“If they knew how misery loved me”

She closes her eyes and leaves a blood covered kiss on the cold lips of the girl she loves, one she never got to give her. 

“I love you Ochako, I'll always be yours, goodbye ”

Himiko Toga: 28

December 25th, 03:34

She bolts awake in a cold sweat and looks around rapidly at the darkness blanketing her room. 

Her whole body is quivering as her heart beats a thousand times a second. It feels like she's going to have a heart attack at any second. 

She places her hands across her thin and lithe body and feels that she's still here, still alive. Still in this cruel world.

Still ten years older.

She wipes at the tears streaming down her face with the back of her hands and sniffles as she hugs herself for comfort. 

“ Ochako” she had that dream again, the one where she kills Ochako. The girl who gave her everything she's ever wanted in life in just a single moment

And she killed her so easily because she's just a mindless monster and can't stop herself from doing what she was born to do.

She pulls the old beat up uravity plushie she has close to her chest to try and comfort herself but her heart still hammers and aches in her chest. 

It's almost the same dream every night anymore, almost nothing ever changes in it. There's always the faceless bodies of everyone she's ever hurt surrounding her as blood surrounds her and fills up the prison she's in for that night. 

Sometimes it's her old bedroom. Sometimes it's the bar from her days in the league. Sometimes it's in that damn place she spent three years in.

She sobs as the only peaceful dreams she's ever had fill her thoughts, ones of Ochako.

Sometimes on certain nights she gets dreams of an endless field and a crystal clear sky boundless like the ocean. And sometimes in it she gets a chance to talk to the girl she remembers from ten years ago, and once in a while she says something back to her, but it always ends too soon and she never remembers what it is.

But that dream didn't come tonight. Far from it. 

She sobs for what feels like hours as her chest heaves with every breath she takes.

She needs to calm down but nothing she tries will make that horrible nightmare go away.

Nothing.

She's tried controlling her breathing, she's tried counting the objects in her room but it's too dark to see and it just makes her feel worse, she's tried almost everything else she knows but it still hurts and her teeth still ache to bite. All she can feel anymore is the urge to rip off her skin and tear her own body apart. 

“I can't….”

In a panic she presses her thumbnail hard enough to make her wince into her wrist and a tiny bit of relief fills her and makes those feelings abate a little. 

But it's not enough, it will never be enough. 

She wants to break the skin until she severs her veins.

Before she can think of doing anything worse to herself she reaches around in the darkness for her phone. 

“Where is it? Where is it?”

It isn't until she knocks over her lamp while searching across her beside table for it that she finds her phone.

She quickly looks at the lock screen of two older people smiling at the camera before unlocking it

She opens her contacts and clicks one of the only two she has. 

Keigo.

She hopes he picks up before she can think about that sharp broken ceramic on her floor and how itchy her skin feels and her aching teeth that want to bite down into it.

“Please pick up, please pick up keigo” when she finally hears his voice on the other side she feels a bit lighter before her heart crashes into a pit.

“Sorry I'm not here right now-” she drops her phone and a large painful smile forms on her face that makes her muscles ache and her tears worse.

A smile she's always had whenever she was in pain, just like when she begged her parents asking why does nobody love like she does. And they called her inhuman in return.

She rushes across her room to turn on her tv instead to help distract her and so she has something else to focus on. She doesn't care about the broken ceramic she steps on that cuts at her foot when she takes a wrong step. She pushes through the pain and the relief it gives her to hurry and put something on. 

Anything.

“I can watch a cooking show and learn how to make something new” she tries to calm herself down and find something to focus on. She let thinking and talking about something else. 

She has to or else.

She tries to turn on her tv but when she clicks the buttons repeatedly over and over it doesn't boot up and she starts to cry harder.

The smile on her lips spreads wider as memories of watching people show their kind of love to each other and biting her finger until it bled fill her mind. 

“Please, please, please!” when it doesn't work at all she rushes over to her bedroom door. Even if she's reluctant to be near knives right now given her history with them and her fraying heart and mind she heads to the kitchen.

“Cooking, I can cook. I can make a cake I can-” but when she flicks her light to try and turn it on so she can see in the darkness it doesn't work. 

“No, the power can't be out now!”

She bites her tongue until it hurts and rushes back to her bed to get her phone and hopes she still has service. With everything that's going wrong she feels like the gods themselves want her to suffer even more. Maybe they want her to hurt herself, just like those people did.

Thankfully she does have enough service to put something on. She plays a random video and rushes to tear apart her room to look for her headphones. That painful smile on her lips gets bigger and bigger by the second and more tears fall down her face. 

‘They called me a monster’

“It hurts, it hurts” when she finally finds an old pair of her tangled headphones she rushes to her desk and grabs a red ball point pen before doing her best to untie her headphones. 

She takes her time undoing the tied wires even though it makes her feel worse because she doesn't want to risk breaking them after everything else that's gone wrong tonight. 

And it keeps her fingers busy instead of scratching at her own skin.

If this doesn't work she doesn't know what she'll do to herself. She's scared.

After untangling them she carefully puts them on and hopes this works because it's her last resort even though she doesn't want it to be. 

‘I don't want to hurt myself again, please, just work ’

She presses play and when all she hears is silence she presses the pen against her skin until it hurts and begins to draw lines parallel to her old scars. All of them slow even lines side by side etched forever into her wrists and arms, and thighs.

Her mouth hurts from how large her smile is as she draws line after painful line across the scars from her own teeth and the knives and boxcutters she used to use. Then when she finally starts to hear faint music start to play, this gnawing at the back of her mind fades just a little bit, but not entirely.

No, far from it.

“It's these substandard motels on the la la la la la"

"Corner of 4th and Freemont Street”

She sings a long to the song quietly as she traces line after line, but she's lighter this time until it's barely pressing against her skin.

“What a wonderful caricature of intimacy”

Just having something to focus on makes her urges lessen. 

The music gives her a odd catharsis she doesn't understand but as long as it's something to keep her busy, focused and calm she doesn't care what it is. 

Maybe that's why she doesn't bring alcohol home.

With every line she draws and melodic word that leaves her lips her smile begins to fade and pain begins to form in her mouth. 

But not the pain she desperately wants right now.

Tears flow down her face again and again as her hiccuping finally stops. She finally feels like she can stop drawing, for now that is. That urge to tear off her skin has numbed just enough for now.

When she pulls away the pen from her skin she looks at her wrist and states at the things she started drawing after the song started. 

There's a butterfly, a pomegranate flower, a chibi face that looks like her own smiling back at her with fangs peeking from her lips. 

It makes her happy enough to smile, even if that's the last thing she wants right now.

But then her eyes fall on the small drawing of her smiling at her happily. A girl with short dark hair and round blushing cheeks.

Ochako.

She places the pen next to her cute face and she has the urge to draw an x through it. 

But she lifts the pen and places it down on her desk before opening her draws to pull out some wet wipes and start cleaning the marks off of her.

She sniffles and wipes her face as she begins to wipe the drawings away slowly even though it feels wrong to see them disappear. All that's left behind is red bumpy skin from pressing too hard.

When she gets to Ochako's face she hesitates before cleaning around it instead. 

She leaves that one drawing on her wrist and places a kiss on them before taking her phone and walking over her bed to curl up and cry the rest of these feelings away. 

As long as she has something to keep her busy in the meantime and not think of too many things she'll be fine. 

Just like she has been the last 10 years.

But not long after she has curled up around her plushie her phone rings and interrupts her music. 

A brief moment of panic overcomes her before she realizes it's him.

Keigo.

She answers without thinking and pulls the phone close to her ear and hopes she hears his voice. It's one of the only things that helps her.

When she finally hears his tired and dry voice it makes her feel better.

“Himi-, ahem, suzume is everything okay?” That name he says makes her feel so many complicated things, but instead of thinking about them she focuses on his question.

“I…I think I am now keigo, but earlier I had a nightmare and I woke up in a panic and……” 

“Suzume, are you okay? Did you….?” she shakes her head even if he can't see it. 

“No I'm, I'm fine but i think my power went out and I accidentally stepped on some of my broken lamp” his side of the call is quiet for a moment before he speaks again.

“Suzume......, did you do it again? Cut I mean” She bites her tongue before shaking her head.

“No, I….. I just listened to music and drew on myself nothing else, I didn't break my skin” she looks down at the drawing of the girl she's still in love with on her arm with shame.

“Himi…. Suzume I'm not upset if you did and I won't get upset at you if you do it again, I just want to know you're okay I promise” she lets out a shaky breath before wiping a few more of her tears away. 

“Okay, thank you keigo, and no I don't need an ambulance” she sniffles one last time before smiling gently to herself, and it's nothing like that wide painful smile from earlier.

No it's just like the one she gave ochako the day Himiko toga died . 

Or was supposed to.

“I'm fine I promise, I just need to clean up and clean my foot tomorrow when I can see clearly, it's not bleeding anymore and I can sleep now” he hums in approval as tiredness starts to fill her eyes and she lets out a yawn that shows off her fangs before she hides them with her quirk again.

“Do you want to talk about anything else............ Himiko? ” That name makes her happy, even if she had every right to hate it.

But even if it's from her parents, it's still hers. Not theirs. Even if they named her younger sister something similar. 

That's why her sister exists to be the perfect child she could never be, to replace her. But that failed too.

‘I wonder what she's up to now?’ she puts that thought somewhere far away. She doesn't want to open that box right now.

She shakes her head and lets out another tired yawn.

“No I'm fine right now maybe tomorrow after work” she can hear him hum in approval.

“If that's everything then see you kid, and if something comes up you can call Bulbel she's usually up at this time, no wonder she's always sleeping during the day” Himiko nods before waiting a few minutes to hang up. She's thankful he never hangs up on her even when he's tired or they're conversation is long over.

She curls around her old uravity plushie and does her best to fall asleep, but even though the memories of her past and her nightmares try to envelop her she sleeps almost peacefully until the morning, almost. 

The few dreams she has of Ochako have turned into nightmares lately, but tonight she gets to see Ochako in that endless field again. 

At least like this she can see her again. 

If only she could see the real her.

“Well, I'm not a vampire”

“But I feel like one”

“Don't you get tired of listening to that stuff suzume?” a young heteromorph girl, that's barely older than twenty one, asks as they both clean off the tables. She's working at her day shift b at the queens pair, a lesbian bar.

She frowns at her younger coworker named Reina before shaking her head. 

“No, I like it reina”

“🎶 I feel like a lady”

“That is pregnant with a baby”

“Cause I'm always throwing up 🎶”

“Really? I think your taste in music is a bit strange, no, cringey , that's the word. But I guess that makes sense since you're from America” Himiko shakes her head and turns away from the young girl as she continues to clean the tables.

"Cause I'm going straight to hell"

"And I'm taking you down with me"

“Oh, um, but no offense to you though suzume, uh what do they say in America? Rock on?” She looks at the young green haired girl with small plumage on her arms like a peacock, or a peafowl, as she tries to make a typical rock hand sign, but is failing miserably.

Himiko rolls her eyes at her self proclaimed bestie before moving to the next table. They only have an hour before it starts to get busy again. Most people should be getting off of work by now. 

At least she doesn't work the night shift like rin, that's when they have some of their busiest hours, but also the fewest as well.

As she cleans table after table memories of how she first got this job start to fill her mind. But then she hears another different song interrupt her music and she turns to the girl with short messy red hair like a cardinal messing with her stereo, the one Bulbel gave her for her birthday a few months ago.

‘Saezuru.’

“Come on let's put on something more upbeat!~” the cardinal-like girl says. The young heteromorph girl working with her rushes to the older red headed girl and begins messing with her stuff too.

A part of her wants to complain to their boss but she just lets them, as long as they don't break it she doesn't have a reason to get upset.

She rolls her eyes at the younger girls and goes back to work. 

“Oh, how about this one? Some pop music would be nice, hmm, ohhh what about Britney? You know that artist right, Suzume?”

“Then why not if you seek Amy?” Himiko suggests the old song she knows to her coworkers. But they look at her once before going back to talking to themselves and not acknowledging her. 

She goes back to her work and ignores them both. Instead she tries to get into the music they picked. But there's very little about the song she feels attached to, if any of it.

'I need to talk to Bulbel’

“I don't wanna hear you've got a boyfriend”

“Sometimes you're better off alone”

“But if you change your mind, you know where I am”

“Yeah, if you change your mind, you know where to find me”

Himiko mumbles to herself as she nurses a drink at the empty bar. Her shift ended hours ago but she's still here and now she's drinking.

“Girls love girls and boys”

She's not in the biggest mood to sing right now but maybe after a few more drinks she can get into it. 

After her third drink is finished she hears a girl sit next to her and their voice is heavenly, and Rin the bartender gives her a smirk because of how cute she must be. She ignores them both, at least for now.

“But girls love girls and boys”

“And love is not a choice”

“Hmm? Excuse me miss, um, can I talk to you?” She ignores the girl next to her as she works on her fourth drink, all she wants to do tonight is pass out the moment she hits the bed. Even if she's going to pay for it tomorrow.

“They're close to finding out about your girlfriend”

“But if you change your mind, you know where I am”

It isn't until she's on her sixth drink and the girl next to her, who she hasn't looked at once tonight, is on her third drink that she finally looks at her. 

And she is absolutely beautiful.

She looks cute even without the makeup and the blush on her cheeks from the alcohol makes her look even prettier.

Though something's very familiar about her, she can think about that later when she's sober.

She guesses she can try her luck, maybe she'll actually get lucky and she'll take her home.

She actually hasn't ever slept with anyone before but she guesses that can change tonight.

‘I wish it could have been with Ochako’ 

“I am just a villain vying for attention from a girl”

“A girl who can't decide and here's the reason why 

Himiko tries to think of what to say to her, but it's only when she realizes the girl is singing along with her that she ends up smiling at her.

“And never did I think that I l ”

“ Would be caught in the way you got me”

She hopes her fangs didn't come out when she smiled, but that isn't what she wants to think about tonight.

She's tired of holding back. She wants to live a little more even if it's just one night. Her time is almost up, plus it's Christmas, or was. She's pretty sure it's past midnight by now. 

Maybe this can be her first step to getting enough courage to talk to Ochako again. If only.

She decides to ask the girl that's five drinks in for her number but instead the cute girl flirts back and asks if she's looking for something else tonight.

She's seven drinks in and the face of the girl in front of her looks blurry but she nods happily and asks for her name.

“It's—------” her thoughts are a bit fuzzy with that name, but she guesses it doesn't matter. It's not like they are going to spend more than one night together. 

Even if she's absolutely gorgeous.

‘Maybe it can be more than one night. It's not like Ochako's going to want to date her after all that's happened. Plus last she checked she was dating Izuku’

She gives her own name to the beautiful girl and smiles as they both intertwine their hands together. 

Her hand feels nice and the pads on the tips of her fingers are soft.

Even if they are very familiar.

Their lips smash into one another's repeatedly as they stumble their way into the other girl's apartment. Himiko can't think about anything else but getting the other girl’s clothes off, starting with that turtleneck.

As her lips suck dark marks across the other girl's neck she preens, because the sinful moans she gets from her are heavenly. 

It's one of the sweetest sounds she's ever heard, it even rivals Ochako's voice from her memory, and the recordings she's heard online over the years.

When Himiko gets the other girls top off she pauses for a moment to take in her mature form. 

Himiko can't stop herself from leaning down and kissing and bitting at her lovers breasts. The other girl is much curvier than her, but also strong too. She can tell she's that strong when the other girl pins her to the bedroom door as their mouths devour one another. 

The other girl has a nice balance that makes her desire burn even hotter.

“Ah! More!”

‘Would Ochako sound just like this if we did it? I want to know’ but she never will.

“Suzume~” the way the other girl says that name she chose makes Himiko feel so many things, but the one she feels the most is lust because of the desire her lover's voice is filled with.

As they both hit the bed together Himiko's fingers slip into the other girl's skirt easily and search for her goal. Her lovers clit.

Her fingers trace their way across trimmed hair and the other girl's soft lips before finding that pretty pink nub that will give her such a sweet symphony.

Just a gentle flick of her fingers against that bundle of nerves is enough to make her lover yell her name so sweetly. 

It's intoxicating.

“Suzume! Yes~!” As Himiko teases her lover's clit she begins to take off her own clothes and leave kisses across the other girl's body.

Himiko kisses between her cute breasts before her bra comes undone then she trails her lips down the scar across her lovers stomach. She pauses for just a moment as a feeling of nostalgia fills her mind before Himiko continues down, until she gets in between her lovers legs. 

There's a gentle tapping at the back of her head that is trying to tell her something.

A warning that she can't understand, she ignores it.

Instead of thinking about what it means Himiko licks her lips as she pulls down the other girl's clothes along with her cute pink panties.

The moment she sees those pretty pink lips drenched and glossy because of her, Himiko eagerly takes them in her mouth and it's delicious. She tries to lick and suck them dry between her teeth and lips, even though it is useless and has the opposite effect instead. 

‘She's so good, I want more, I want so much more, I want you Ochako’

“Fuck!~ more!” She loves this taste and her lover's begging whines. Himiko wishes she could have it all longer but only one night will have to do. 

If she lets this girl into her life she doesn't know what she would do, she's just as beautiful as Ochako is.

As Himiko eats her lovers insides out the other girl's legs clamp around her head and it's so tight she's afraid she won't be able to breathe. 

But when Himiko finally manages to bring the girl from the bar to her first climax she can finally breathe easily again because the other girls reached such a pleasant high and arches into her fanged mouth.

Then after the girl is done coming Himiko licks the slick and delicious liquid from her mouth before climbing on top of this beautiful girl she wishes was Ochako.

Himiko places her own soaked core above the girl's mouth and lets out a breathy sigh as she presses down until her lovers mouth wraps around her cunt. It's so good she might come right this moment.

She rides her lovers face over and over until she comes once then twice, then more until she makes the other girl's face drenched in her slick.

‘Damnit, she's so good, maybe this can be more than once night, maybe it could a few more’

The girl beneath her looks cute like this beneath her, face flushed from the exertion and hair sticking to her sweaty and glossy skin. But they both are far from done tonight and it isn't until her fingers are buried deep in the other girl's cunt that Himiko feels even the least bit tired. 

If this is the only chance she'll get with this girl tonight then she'll go all the way with her and hold nothing back. 

She doesn't know if she'll ever get another chance to do this again with her. She's the only girl she's had sex with and wanted to do it with, except for the girl she still loves.

Ochako.

Himiko kisses dark hickeys across her lover's neck and the other girl clenches so tight around her fingers while making such beautiful sounds. It's addicting. 

She'd never drink alcohol again if she could have this girl's pleasured moans instead.

She wishes these were sounds from Ochako, but these ones are just as sweet.

Himiko brings the girl to another climax and it's the sweetest thing ever. She wants more. 

She can't resist the urge to drink her blood, and she's too drunk on pleasure to stop herself from trying.

When her fangs nick the other girl's neck her lover lets out a pleased moan that's so much better than anything she's ever heard before. 

It's almost enough to surpass Ochako's voice, but why? 

She doesn't know why this girl is the one that can rival Ochako so much in so many ways. 

But right now she doesn't really care, she just wants to lose herself in the pleasure they have together.

She can't stop herself from biting down and dragging her teeth across her lover's pulse.

“Ah! Suzume!” her lovers moans are so pretty she can't stop biting and bruising her neck. But when the girl from the bar asks for her to bite down even harder she obliges and bites into her lovers flesh until she draws blood.

“Hi-----ko!” Her eyes go wide when she tastes the familiar flavor of strawberries that remind her of Ochako. She's too stunned to speak as she stares down at this girl's beautiful form, but all she can see is hints of brown hair and flushed cheeks through the blurry mess she is.

‘Ochako? No it can't be, it's not’

She chooses to ignore that familiar taste as she works the other girl through her high instead, and many more after that for the rest of the night until they both pass out from exhaustion.

And for once that dream with Ochako is filled with sweet flowers.

‘I wish she was you, Ochako.’

December 26th

Warmth that's what she feels in her arms and for a brief moment Ochako comes to mind before it fades away and becomes replaced with the girl from last night. She lets out a tired but pleased sigh and nuzzles into the back of the girl who tastes like strawberries.

Like Ochako.

She can feel the other girl stirring in her arms and Himiko smiles as she places a lazy kiss on her lover's neck.

She hears her lover let out a giggle that is muffled by the pain in her head.

‘My head hurts, I have a hang over’

“Suzume~, are you awake?” Himiko opens her eyes and her blurry vision begins to focus on dark chestnut brown hair and soft and pale, but bruised, skin. 

Himiko nods and presses a kiss to the back of her lovers neck. But then Himiko frowns when she realizes that she can't remember her name. 

‘I must have drunk too much last night.’

“Um….., shit I forgot your name, I'm really sorry” Himiko hides herself in the girl's back and hopes she isn't angry with her. But then she hears her lover from last night giggle and it makes her feel like something is gnawing at the back of her mind.

Just like last night.

“That's understandable we had a lot to drink last night, suzume” She can feel the girl in her arms trying to shift to turn around and face her. 

“But I had fun last night with you, maybe we can do it again if you want~” as the girl in her arms starts to turn around Himiko starts to actually take in the details about this girl she wasn't paying too much attention to last night. 

From her short brown hair framing her round face and the blush on each of her cheeks, to those damning round and hazel eyes that look at her happily while her long lashes flutter close every few seconds.

Himiko goes stiff just from the sight of her beauty. She can't move and is frozen solid as she looks at her , and sees everything about the girl she has loved over the last ten years matured.

“My name's Ochako, suzume, Ochako Uraraka”

Chapter Text

December 24th

It's Christmas eve, and it's a few days before her birthday too. Ochako uraraka, the gravity hero known as uravity, smiles to herself because she's having a fun time right now with her boyfriend on their date during such a romantic day. 

She smiles as they walk hand in hand through the light strewn trees and check out the shops before finally settling in a cafe.

Today's a happy day and it's all because of him.

Izuku Midoriya. The boy she spent so long pinning over until they finally got together—even after all these years she wasn't really sure if she still felt that way about him. 

But now that they're together, that doesn't matter anymore. 

It's been over a year since they got together and they're happy. 

And nothing will change that. 

Not even those strange feelings she has deep down, and the meaning of them that escape her. 

Everything's perfect, everything's perfectly happy, everything's just right. 

And this will be her life from now. 

With Izuku.

The boy she confessed to loving in front of Himiko, the girl she—

“I think we should break up” her eyes go wide as she looks at the boy she's been dating for over a whole year. She is filled with utter bewilderment because of those shocking words that stab at her heart like a knife. 

She can feel the scar on her stomach start to ache.

The boy who she spent a long time pinning over and inspired her in so many ways just told her he wants to end things with her. 

The boy she tried her best to give everything to.

It………

It hurts, so much.

A lump forms in her throat and her heart feels heavy in her chest. She wants to ask him why? Why after everything they've been through does he want to break up? 

Is she not good enough? Did she do something wrong? Did she not love him enough? Is it because they aren't physical enough? Did she mess something up?

Is it because of someone else? 

But even when Bakugou and his relationship with Izuku comes to mind she swallows everything she feels and pushes them away where they can't bother her before nodding to her now ex boyfriend.

She wants to cry, she wants to yell, she wants to do so much right now. But she doesn't and all the protests and words she wants to say, cry and beg die in her throat. 

Instead, she accepts it like the adult she is.

She shouldn't be childish, and selfish and hurtful. He's probably felt this way for a while and she needs to respect his feelings, even at the cost of her own. 

She loves him and she doesn't want to bother him any more than she has to.

Even though a selfish part of her wishes that she did. A selfish part that wants to see him as sad and hurt over this as she is. 

No, she won't do that to him. She'd never do that.

She needs to respect him and what he wants. 

Because even if he's not her boyfriend anymore he's still someone she cares deeply about, even if it hurts.

“Okay Izuku I understand” but the moment she says those words a pained look fills Izuku's eyes, and it makes her heart hurt as his scarred hand covers his mouth for just a brief moment. 

Then he rubs the back of his head nervously and sighs briefly before he looks ashamedly at her.

It makes her feel guilty and confused.

He looks uncomfortable and she can tell he is thinking of how to put his next words lightly to not upset her and it makes her worried about what she did wrong. 

‘I keep messing up’

Just like back then.

“Ochako, I'm…… I'm not breaking up with you because I don't like you, I do but….I.......” she wants to tell him a harsh ‘but what?’ but she holds her tongue and swallows those bitter words. Instead she lets him speak.

“Ochako, when was the last time you did something for yourself and not for me or our friends?” His words are melancholic and sad as his eyes nervously flick to her then down at their drinks, especially hers. 

She wants to say something, anything, but as she thinks about the last ten years and every time she's ever thought of doing anything or did she realizes, he's right.

Almost everything she's ever done wasn't because she made the explicit choice to do it for herself, it was always about others. 

The only thing that wasn't was the quirk counseling, and even then, she did it because of Himiko.

Everything from going on team up missions with any hero or agency that asks her. Never leaving her apartment unless her friends drag her with them. Always agreeing to go on a date with Izuku even if she had her own plans that day. 

Most of her choices have been about someone else, not her. 

Even the things from the past year, when she thought she was at her happiest, but now that this has happened she's not sure if she was or not.

‘Was I really happy? I……’

The scar on her stomach feels like it burns.

‘It hurts.’

Almost everything she or him did together the past year was not because she chose to do it for herself, most of the time she was just following along in what she thought was a perfect and healthy relationship.

Like her parents own.

But now she's seeing that it wasn't completely healthy, even by her skewed standards.

Hey and Izuku don't see each other for more than twice a week when they aren't busy and they don't talk about anything besides hero work and what they could do to improve in their work to do better. 

Maybe those small moments when they did get to be together as just each other, not the hero Deku or uravity, weren't enough for either of them.

Maybe this wasn't working because she had a skewed image in her head of what they both were really like together and she didn't see him and her as what they really were. 

And now that she desperately tries to see him and her as they are….. she still can't. 

She chews on the inside of her cheek as so many thoughts about the last year fill her head.

Most of the time they both went on dates or did anything else intimate she never said the words ‘I want to do this, I want to go here, I want us to do it tonight’

It was always, ‘Do you want to do this? I heard you like this. You wanted to go here right? Did you want to do it?’

She never said ‘I want’ once during that time. 

‘Should I have been more selfish?’

Now she realizes she just went along with whatever Izuku wanted, not herself. And if it wasn't him that wanted something it was her friends saying she should do things.

‘Izuku would like this.’

‘You should dress like this for him.’

‘You should go here together.’

‘This is definitely the right thing to wear next time.’

‘You can try this with him. ‘

She never had any ideas or choices that were her own, even if she thought they were.

She sniffles and it makes Izuku sad.

‘Did I even feel anything was off this whole time? Did I even realize any of that before now?’

She thought they were just a completely normal couple.

“I'm not selfish enough?” her voice is meek and quiet.

“Ochako, I think you should care more about yourself, I…… I'm worried about you, a lot…….” his eyes flick to her teeth and she feels self conscious. 

Just like how Himiko probably felt when others did that.

His words just make her feel worse, but she can't deny his words are true.

She isn't caring about herself enough, and the last year proves that the more she thinks about it.

‘I thought everything was fine, but it wasn't’

When they first got together it felt like it was the right thing to do because everyone around her had always talked about them getting together since UA, from Sero and mina to Tsuyu and Denki.

‘Wouldn't they be great together?’

‘Wouldn't their kids look beautiful?’

‘Don't they deserve to be together after everything they've been through.’

But now that she's facing it all Ochako realizes she hasn't been the one initiating anything between them, she's been more passive since they got together and she doesn't remember or know why.

When they are intimate together, she never thinks about her own satisfaction, only his because she wants more than he's comfortable giving. And she always thought she could be too much during that time.

Whenever they go on a date, she always lets Izuku pick where they go or she suggests something her friends did or something they said izuku would like.

Whenever they hang out with their friends she doesn't ever talk about herself or the things she likes, especially with him. 

She doesn't talk about things like her favorite foods, what music she likes, what makes her happy, what hobbies she doesn't have.

But even when she does rarely talk about herself it's always about the kids she's helping, how her friends and Izuku make her happy, how she could better help others in her hero work. 

It's never about her.

Maybe it's because she's scared of being too prideful and boastful of herself like Bakugou was when they were younger, and still is, a bit.

‘What would I even say if I did? That I think I like pink because I liked that old Kirby game my mother still had from when she was little?’

‘I like spider lilies because there was always some growing next to the empty lot next to our house and I liked their smell? That I can't even look at them anymore without thinking of Himiko.’

‘My favorite food is mochi because it's what my mom used to get for me when I was a kid because the store near us always gave us a discount because my parents were too poor otherwise?’

‘That I like the stars and space because of heroes like thirteen, and because all I had as entertainment as a little kid was a beat up textbook that my mother would read to me every night even if she was tired from work’

Her eyes water as she thinks of all the times she could have talked about how she likes the stars to him. She could have named a hundred different stars, planets and constellations in the night sky if she got the chance to. 

But she never told him they were something she loved.

If she did tell him everything she felt, liked and loved, would that have made him want to stay with her? Would that make him happy?

A bitterness fills her mouth because he's right, she's trying to put him before herself again. 

Like she always does with everybody. 

Ochako wipes her eyes as she thinks of that question he asked on her anniversary.

She never answered him after he asked if she ever wanted to start a family someday. 

Maybe he knew this would happen back then.

‘Maybe that's why he always became uncomfortable whenever Mina asked if we were going to try for a baby.’ she looks away from his nervous gaze and at the half eaten crepe in front of her instead. 

It's strawberry, her favorite.

Strawberries and powdered sugar were the first thing her parents bought her after they completed a contract that would let them live comfortably for a few months.

She still remembers how sweet they were that day. She ended up getting sick and barfing because she was so happy she activated her quirk and was too hyper to turn it off before she threw up. 

She stained the carpet pink that day.

She lets out a tired sigh as she takes his words to heart and tries to think of what she actually wants, not anyone else, but she can't think of anything. 

The scar on her stomach burns.

December 25th

“Oh, it will be okay Ochako, there's plenty of other boys out there to find” she looks at her friend sitting across from her as mina paints her nails and a painful thought tries to enter her head, but she pushes it away but the music playing that mina put on doesn't help her mood. 

“My friends call me a loser”

“'Cause I'm still hanging around”

Mina must notice her down expression from her words and tries to cheer her up.

“Or girls if you want to experiment~” Mina teases her as she gives her a cheeky smile. Her round cheeks become a deep red as she turns away from her. 

“Ah, I see I hit something there, Hehe” as mina finally finishes painting her index finger with topcoat she speaks in a sing-song voice as she starts on her next finger. 

“Soooooo, are there any girls you're interested in Ochako? Though I'm the only girl from our class that isn't in a relationship,” those first words make blonde hair and a happy fang filled smile fill her mind and it hurts. 

“No, I'm straight mina” Mina whistles to herself as she continues to paint her nails and moves on to her pinky.

“Mina, seriously, I'm straight , I'm not gay” she waited over 8 years for a boy that's plenty of proof she's not gay.

“ Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach”

“Is it casual now?”

These lyrics make her feel a confusing torrent of feelings.

“I didn't say anything, and you don't have to be gay to like girls Ochako, Jirou’s bi and dating Momo” she thinks about Jirou who she's watched date different boys and girls ever since their second year ranging from Denki to Tsuyu before finally settling on Momo.

The two of them have had a stable relationship for years now and she's never really thought about what it means for them to be together until now. 

Two girls in love and there's nothing more or less to it. No drama in the relationship or doubt you can be together or anything else that makes it hurt. 

Just being together with someone you love and trust and same in return. 

Thoughts of her start to fill her mind again and she wants to push them away again, just like she has been the last 10 years. 

“Ochako, I'm going to be serious here since I can see you thinking about something really you feel conflicted about, if you think you might feel something, anything at all about this or anything else you shouldn't fight those feelings even if it hurts, okay?” She looks into those dark sclera and golden eyes that are pleading at her not to fight her feelings anymore and briefly contemplates everything before that weariness she's always pushed away finally breaks her. 

The moment Mina is done with her pinky she collapses against her friend so she can rest her pain ridden head. 

“You're right mina, about everything” she feels like crying but she uses the last of her will to keep her eyes from leaking rivers like she wants to.

“I try to be the chill girl”

“But honestly, I'm not”

“You're right mina, there is……there was a girl I had feelings for years ago” mina ruffles her hair and hugs her close. 

“But I don't think I've ever felt that way about another girl….. another person since.” Mina doesn't speak and instead comforts her. 

“I…. I liked…. I loved… ...” Those words are too painful for her to say and instead she deflects and lets the pain of everything that's happened recently consume her.

She's not ready to feel that scar yet, or ever will be. 

“I need a drink mina” she can hear her friend let out a deep sigh before nodding.

“Okay Ochako” there is a long silence where she just rests in her old friend's arms, but Mina's next words make her think.

“If you want to meet some cute girls I know a girl's only bar, if you know what I mean” she closes her eyes and sighs. 

“Mina, I….. I'm not gay……”

“I know you're not, but you don't have to be a lesbian to go meet some cute girls at a bar and, if you want, hook up” she thinks about it and how it might interest a part of her she's never acknowledged before.

“There's nothing wrong with having a few drinks and kissing some girls, lots of people don't know they like it until they try it” she chews on her lip until it starts to hurt.

“But wouldn't people get upset if they find out I'm not gay?”

“It's actually Lesbian, not gay or you can say queer instead and no, lots of people are figuring their feelings out all the time, and as long as you're respectful of their feelings and communicate with them they'll respect yours and do the same in return” she chews on the inside of her cheek.

She has to be open and share her feelings with someone else? When she thinks of Izuku and how they didn't ever really talk about anything besides being heroes and work, or their friends and everything else but their relationship she feels a bitterness on her tongue. 

It scares her that she might mess up again, but…..

But she doesn't entirely know why she finally says yes. 

“Okay mina, I'll go” her friend giggles and pulls her tight before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and something strange and terrifyingly familiar stirs inside of her. 

“Let's finish up then we can go in a bit” 

“A few hours? Mina that's way too soon and ……”

“I meant, like in an hour, but It's okay if you don't want to go now but I thought it would be a good to time since you don't have work tomorrow” she knows minas right and she doesn't have much reason not to go and this new but familiar feeling stirring in her chest urges her on to go.

“I hate that I let this drag on so long, now I hate myself”

She decides to concede and give in, it's just one night.

“Okay mina, you're right, let's go when we are done” mina giggles and begins to work on the rest of their nails together until it's time to go. 

When they finally arrive she expects the bar to be busy and so much different than what it actually is. 

Instead it's a quaint little place with few people around.

There's only four other people besides them and the music isn't anything like what she thought it would be.

“I don't wanna hear you've got a boyfriend”

“Sometimes you're better off alone”

“But if you change your mind, you know where I am”

“Yeah, if you change your mind, you know where to find me”

She expected everything to be a lot more girly and pink for a girl's only bar, and the music to be more like the songs mina listens to, but what's playing sounds more like something Jirou or Tokoyami might listen to instead.

“Girls love girls and boys”

The lyrics of the song make her blush because they make something strange fill her heart that she doesn't understand.

“Come on and pick a seat Ochako I'll order our drinks” Mina waves here off towards the bar seats and she contemplates sitting next to the blonde girl with a white shirt and black pleated skirt similar to the bar tenders. The way her hair is tied up in a small and loose bun like ponytail draws unwanted memories of her.

She shakes her head and taps her cheeks, she needs to get over her aversion to blondes, especially girls. 

She decides to take a seat next to the girl singing by herself to the song playing.

“But girls love girls and boys”

“And love is not a choice”

But as she sits her eyes become drawn to her familiar face and feline like features. 

'Himiko? No it can't be'

Before she can think too deeply about those sharp eyes of hers, Mina comes up to her and quickly gives her a drink she's not familiar with.

She takes it and notices mina has a conflicted look on her face. 

“Oh, Ochako, I kind of met a cute girl while I was getting drinks and I know it's really shitty of me to leave you here by yourself but we were really hitting it of and she's really cute, but if you want me to stay then I'll-”

“Mina it's okay, I'll be fine I'm an adult I can handle being at a bar” her friend gives her a look that says are you sure? before quickly glancing at the girl mina obviously knows reminds her of a certain someone 

“You sure Ochako? Really sure?” she takes a sip of the sweet drink in her hands that tastes like strawberries and nods.

“I'm fine I promise mina” her horned friend gives the girl next to her one last look before nodding.

“Okay, thank you Ochako and have fun too” she gives her a bright and gleaming smile before walking off.

“And never did I think that I would be caught in the way you got me”

As she takes another sip of this mystery drink she listens to the girl drinking her third one sing pleasantly.

It's such a beautiful and harmonious sound that feels calming to her, but there's something about it that sounds familiar. 

‘Do I know her?’ she can't help but feel this sense of Deja vu when she looks at her sharp eyes and familiar face, but the clear absence of fangs tells her it's not the person she's thinking of and she can never be her. 

But trying to talk to her shouldn't be so bad, maybe she'll be less afraid of girls who look like her. She's had too many times where she almost froze up while saving girls with blonde hair.

“Hmm? Excuse me miss, um, can I talk to you?” 

“They're close to finding out about your girlfriend”

“But if you change your mind, you know where I am”

“Do I know you?”

When she receives no response she sighs and starts taking bigger gulps of her drink as she looks around the rest of the bar. 

‘I guess I'm going to need a few of these tonight, and she definitely isn't interested in me’

Drink after drink she tries to flirt or talk to other girls and a few of them sound interested but there's only a few people and all of them but the ones mina is making out with right now turn her down.

They tell her she's nice but not what they are looking for tonight, though a few say maybe a different time.

It isn't until she's on her third drink and the girl next to her is on her seventh drink that she gives up and starts to sing along with the other girl. 

She's memorized the lyrics because of how much she's sung it tonight.

“ I am just a villain vying for attention from a girl”

“A girl who can't decide and here's the reason why ”

But it's when she decides to give the girl next to her a glance over and sees her giggle happily and smile with a fang filled mouth that she finally feels her heart beat with excitement. 

She blinks rapidly to make sure she isn't seeing something that's not real but the sight of those fangs retracting stirs something inside of her she didn't know was there. 

And she doesn't want to let it go.

“And never did I think that I ”

“Would be caught in the way you got me ” 

After she starts on her fifth drink her inhibitions are long gone and the girl next to her starts to look heavenly.

‘Its not like she wasn't already’ but then the cute blonde giggles again and finally talks to her for the first time tonight and it makes her happy.

“Hehe, you're really cute and you have a beautiful voice you know” she blushes from the girls flirty compliments and she can't stop the smiling from forming in her lips. 

‘Maybe tonight's not a complete bust after all’

She lets out another giggle that makes her feel light and airy too.

“Can I get your number?” she looks at the girl that is oh so familiar to her but different than the girl she remembers and decides that maybe tonight she doesn't have to sleep alone.

“I could give you my number, or if you're looking for something else tonight we can talk about it at my place~”

The way the other girls face turns into complete surprise and she points at herself tells her the girl is asking if this is real and she's really offering a night together.

'I guess she must have had bad luck too tonight, or is this her first time being asked to go home with someone'

When she gives the blonde a mirth filled smile that tells her it's true the blonde nods happily and smiles so beautifully it hurts.

“C-can I have your name please?” she giggles at the suddenly flustered girl as she stammers a little.

“It's Ochako, Ochako Uraraka. What's yours cutie~?” she must be really drunk if she's this flirty.

“It's….Suzume, Suzume Takami” that last name sounds familiar, but she's had too many drinks to really think about it. 

“Well Suzume, let's go back to my place if you want~” they both let out a bright and cheery smile as she holds out her hand and Suzume takes it easily. 

But the brief pause between them where Suzume rubs at the pads on the tips of her fingers with her thumb makes her feel strange. There's a soul searching look in those beautiful amber eyes that are all too familiar and make her heart hurt to look at, but it's over before she can process what it means.

As they talk about the music playing in the bar she learns the name of the artists in this playlist. They both laugh as they talk and she learns this girl works the day shift at this bar and she got it thanks to a family member. 

She does mention that some of her coworkers can be immature at times and not respect her or her things.

Her eyes flick down to the old scars on the girls wrists and she has questions about them. She knows they are self inflicted but she decides not to say anything. It seems personal and she doesn't want to upset her when they are both having a good time.

She doesn't remember what she says next but it must be funny because Suzume laughs and the way fangs come out with every mirth filled laugh she gives makes her think she's just hallucinating them.

But even if they aren't real she thinks they're cute. 

They both decide to test the waters with a kiss and the addicting taste of something sweet and similar to pomegranates is addicting. She's not sure if it's the alcohol or not but it makes her preen.

It isn't long until after their first few kisses that they both begin to make out shamelessly. Mina left with a girl or two a long time ago and she decides that she's going to sleep with Suzume tonight and she's not backing down from it. 

She's too sweet and tempting to say no. 

It isn't until Suzume is riding her face that she admits she's not straight, she's far from straight and she regrets not doing this sooner.

The way Suzume's thighs squeeze her head tight until she almost can't breathe and the way Suzume tastes so delicious shoving her cunt into her mouth and tongue makes her feel blissed out of her mind. She fingers her own pussy as Suzume cries out her name and comes once then twice, and she wants to beg her for more.

She wants to drown in her slick because it's so delicious. 

When Suzume finally pulls away from her mouth they both stare at the messy and sticky trail connecting them together. She wants to ask to keep going but the way Suzume calls her beautiful makes her heart flutter but also hurts because she sees Himiko and her at the same time.

“More Suzume, please~” obediently Suzume listens and leans down to kiss her own slick on her lips.

Their tongues intermingle again and again and she can feel Suzume's hands creeping down her stomach and to her core, but she feels her hesitate on the scar on her stomach for a long moment before continuing further down until her fingers slip inside of her one by one. 

With each one she cries for another until the third one fills her whole. They pump inside of her as Suzume leaves dark hickeys and bruises across her neck. 

A part of her yearns for something harder even as she comes for maybe the fifth time tonight, she lost count a while ago.

When she finally feels the pressure she wants from those sharp teeth that are definitely real she cries in pleasure because they feel so right on her neck.

Suzume must feel the same way too because she drags those fangs across her skin and it makes her want to come from that alone.

“Ah! Suzume!” 

‘I want her to bite harder, it's almost enough, I want to feel those fangs as I come’ she wants these harsh bites and bruises that won't fade for weeks to be harder. She wants a more permanent mark on her neck, she wants to feel her blood flow because of those beautiful fangs that she wishes belonged to the girl she loves.

She wraps her arms around the blonde's neck and pulls her deeper into her neck. 

“Harder Suzume, I want you to mark me, please~” she feels Suzume hesitate for a moment before placing one more kiss on her pulse and whispering a yes to her.

As Suzume takes her pulse into her mouth her fingers pump into her needy cunt desperately into she's almost at the edge. 

Then just add she's about to spill over those beautiful fangs sink into her neck and break her open.

“HIMIKO! ” 

She cries out in ecstasy and there's so much pleasure melting her insides that she doesn't even realize she called her the wrong name.

The feeling of her blood being drunk and the fangs digging into her neck fills her with a catharsis she's needed for the last 10 years. 

She rides this high as Suzume pumps her fingers over and over again inside of her.

She cries because it feels so good and she can't stop calling her the wrong name. But Suzume doesn't seem to mind as she guides her through her high.

But she doesn't feel satisfied, no, far from it and now there's a fire burning inside of her she wants to let burn her insides away. 

And this night with this girl that looks so much like Himiko was everything she wishes she could have had with Himiko.

She loved every moment of it, but she wishes it was with Himiko instead.

When it's all finally over she sighs to herself before licking at her teeth teeth to feel if they are there again. She feels the sharp points of her canines pressing against her tongue and she knows the fangs Himiko gave her have come out again.

'I miss you'

Chapter Text

“I could be mean”

“I could be angry”

“You know I could be just like you”

“Why weren't you home on time, Himiko!?” her mother's sudden appearance after she came home startles her.

“I'm-I'm sorry, my friends wanted my help studying and-”

“Tch” her mother scowls at what she thinks is just a flimsy excuse to run off and mess around.

“That's no excuse and you know it” the young blonde girl looks away defeated as her mother glares at her like she's an unwanted illness.

“Next time you want to lollygag with your friends, best remember you don't mean anything to them.” 

Her eyes fill with melancholy and stinging tears as she nods along obediently even though she wants to do anything but.

—

“Himiko, why are you wearing makeup?” She clenches her hand around her bookbag as her father stares at her skeptically as he judges her silently.

“I-I just felt like looking prettier today that's all” her father scowls at the light amount of makeup on her face, that is barely even a light colored lipstick that's barely darker than lip balm and the small amount of blush that she wasn't even sure was noticeable, before his eyes fill with a judgemental look. 

“You look like a whore, take it off” she bites her tongue to keep the tears in her eyes from spilling because of how much her own father's words sting.

She begins to go back to her room when her father's last words finally break down the dam that was holding everything inside of her back. 

“It's not like trying to wear that stuff matters anyways, nothing can fix you or those fangs of yours” she can hear her father chuff to himself as she runs back to her room to clean off her face.

“I could be cold”

“I could be ruthless”

“You know I could be just like you” ”

“A 79!? What is this Himiko?” she bites her tongue as tears burn at her eyes. 

“I'm sorry I tried my best but I-”

“Then try harder, or else no man will want to marry you” her nails dig into her palms because of those callous words.

“B-but-” 

‘I like girls too’ those words go unsaid because she's too scared of what will happen if she does say them.

“But what!?” She tries to stand up to her mother and look into those scathing eyes she doesn't even remember the color of anymore because she stopped looking into her mother's eyes a long time ago, she can't look at them anymore no matter what because she's too scared too remember when those eyes used to look at her with fondness and love.

She clutches at her wrist and nods obediently.

“Nothing, I'll do better I promise”

—

“Himiko! What do you think you're doing?! Stop it”

“Stop smiling”

“Deviant”

“Why aren't you studying like you're supposed to!?”

“You need to talk to boys more”

“Cover up those bags under your eyes, you look terrible with them”

—

“Why are all of our bandages missing?!”

“Stop getting into the first aid kit, you don't need anything out of there”

“Stop smiling like that, you're not a vampire”

“Why are you smiling!? Stop it!”

“Get that look off your face before I do it for you”

“Stop looking depressed you have nothing to be sad about”

“Why are your grades slipping?!”

“Do your work or you'll be living on the street”

“We do plenty for you so then why can't you just do what you're supposed to do”

“You need to contribute more to this house”

“You need to work harder, you're not special needs”

“You need to be normal, not whatever you think or want to be”

“Stop being friends with that girl in your class, she's one of them que*rs”

“Leave your sister alone, she doesn't need you distracting her”

“Stop looking at girls like that, you're not g*y”

“You need to be around boys more”

“You're going on a date with that boy from your upper grade”

“You need to stop crying, you're not a baby”

“Stop staring at blood like that you're not a freak”

“Stop treating girls like that, you're not g*y”

“You need to stop being friends with those girls, you're not going to ruin their future's like you're already doing to yourself”

“Why can't you be more like your sister —-----”

“Haven't we done enough for you!? Why can't you just be normal!?”

“We're getting your teeth fixed this weekend and that's final”

“You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you”

“Ah!” her voice goes quiet and she yelps as a sharp pain goes up her arm because the box cutter in her hands cuts way too deep into her inner arm and slips from her hand onto the ground with a heavy clatter.

“Shit!” She stares at the ground where the box cutter is then at the ground next to her bed covered in small amounts of blood that grow bigger by the second because of the blood flowing like a river near her wrist. 

She clutches at her bleeding arm and panic fills her whole because she probably cut too deep for it to heal properly or stop bleeding without going to the hospital. 

She sobs painfully as the fear inside of her grows stronger the longer the more she bleeds on to her clothes and bed. 

She tries to use an old blanket to try and stop it but the blood soaks too easily through it. 

“Shit” she curses because of the pain and fear she feels.

She can't, she can't let them find out or else-

The sudden rapid banging and shouts to open the door tells her it's too late to hide what happened and there is no avoiding what her parents are going to do to her when they see what she did to herself. 

She looks at the box cutter on the ground and she sees a way out of this situation, one that will make everything that hurts stop. 

“I could be mean”

“I could be angry”

“You know I could be just like you”

But she didn't take it, and sometimes she regrets not doing it.

December 26th

Present

But as she looks into those beautiful hazel eyes she had always loved from the moment they met a part of her doesn't regret it, and for just a moment she feels happy she's still breathing despite everything she's been through.

“My name's Ochako, suzume, Ochako Uraraka” she stares dumbfounded at the most beautiful girl she's ever seen and all she can feel is disbelief. 

She can't believe any of this is actually happening and that Ochako Uraraka is in bed with her.

Her matured features from when they were young are so different from back then but so achingly familiar it hurts. She wants to reach out and touch them to make sure all of this is real and she isn't dreaming.

But it isn't until she realizes Ochako is talking to her that she snaps out of her reverie.

“Suzume? Are you okay?” The concern in Ochako's eyes surprises her and makes her heart hurt because all she can think about is that day that she died in her arms.

“Y-yes, I'm fine Ochako just…..” her eyes look into each of Ochako's pretty hazel like eyes before flicking briefly down to her bare form that makes her blush.

She can't believe Ochako was the one from the bar last night, and that she slept with her. 

This must be a dream, it can't be real because-

‘Oh god I slept with Ochako’ those words make a sudden weight that weighs thousands of pounds fall on her mind and heart.

“Suzume? Is something wrong” but Ochako's kind words stir something deep inside of her that makes her giddy and feel that weight slip away. 

She shakes her head and lets out a happy giggle as words she wishes she could say to Ochako burn in her throat now that they are reunited. 

She wants to laugh and smile and kiss her just like she's always dreamed of every night since that day they last met, but she restrains herself because Ochako has no idea who she is and even if she did she doesn't think she'd want to kiss the horrible villain known as Toga Himiko.

‘It's not like she didn't already, though’

She's hurt Ochako so much she probably still hates her, even if it's just a fraction of what it was before that day.

But when Ochako giggles at her she can feel all her restraint and hesitation that she's using to hold everything back begin to fade away until she hears it.

That name she chose for her new life.

“You're cute when you smile suzume”

‘Suzume, right I'm Suzume, not Himiko’ but even with that bitter pain biting at her heart like a snake trying to catch a bird she smiles through it, and when Ochako places a soft hand on her cheek she can't stop herself from doing the same. The moment she touches those soft and round cheeks marked by a permanent blush she relaxes, truly for the first in her life.

They both look into each other's eyes for a while and bask in this feeling of happiness they both share, even with the mild pain of hangovers knocking at the back of their minds. She wishes this moment would last forever and never end. It almost does until she sees Ochako's eyes flick down to her mouth.

‘Is she thinking of kissing me again?’

She licks at her mouth and feels the sharp press of her fangs in her lips, it's then that she realizes she isn't hiding them with her quirk. Her blood goes cold because nobody is supposed to know she's alive and now Ochako knows that-.

“Suzume please don't hide your fangs, they're really cute, I like them” She realizes she was unconsciously covering her mouth and pulls her hand away to let her fangs show fully to Ochako.

‘She knows doesn't she’

She feels her heart thump heavily in her chest for multiple beats before Ochako leans forward and presses a soft kiss to her lips. 

“I think your fangs are beautiful suzume” Those words are the sweetest thing she's ever heard in her life. So many tears fill her eyes she chokes up.

“Suzume? What's wrong, are you okay?”

She can't control herself and the things she says. But thankfully it's not the truth she has spent the last 10 years hiding.

“Marry me” she says those words so honestly it hurts, but it's only after she sees Ochako's eyes go wide and fill with something that reminds her of fear that she realizes she's putting too much on Ochako. 

“I'm sorry Ochako I didn't mean to-”

“That-” she freezes and holds her tongue as Ochako tries to say something but pauses for a moment that stretches on for minutes. They both stare at each other for a long time until finally Ochako seems to calm down and her lips form into a small smile.

“That's the first time someone has ever asked me to marry them” she can tell there's a bitter feeling in Ochako's words that she tries to hide behind the smile she has.

‘There's something bothering her and she's hiding it’

She frowns because she easily recognizes when someone's putting on a mask even if it's for themselves, but Ochako's are hard to see through because she uses real emotions to disguise her hurt behind. 

“Suzume, do you want to talk-” 

“Ochako” Ochako looks into her eyes as she chews on her tongue while she thinks of what is the right thing to say. She tries to avoid being blunt and instead reassure Ochako.

“You're really beautiful you know that Ochako” Ochako freezes when she hears her words and it's obvious she wasn't expecting those words. Ochako tries to play them off like it's nothing but when she takes Ochako's hand into her own she stops and looks down at their hands interlocked seamlessly together like old lovers.

“Suzume” Ochako's voice is hesitant and hiding something that she knows is bothering her. She's not going to force it out into the open, but she's not going to let Ochako bury it again.

“Ochako I wanted you to know It's fine if you don't feel good because of what I said, I can tell what I did made you feel really uncomfortable and I'm sorry for doing that.” Ochako looks away from her as she tightens her grip on her hand until it almost hurts.

“It's fine Suzume, really” Himiko lets out a small breath before scooting closer and rubs their noses together affectionately. Ochako lets out a light and airy laugh that is soothing to her soul because of what she is doing.

She hopes her next words don't ruin this moment.

“Ochako, I….I wanted you to know that even if you don't want to acknowledge something's everything will be okay, and if they ever get too much to handle I'll be here if you ever want to talk about them” she closes her eyes as she finishes speaking and rests her head gently against the girl she fell in love with years ago. 

She hears Ochako make a muffled sound and when she opens her eyes she's surprised as Ochako pulls her into a bone crushing hug.

She's confused for a moment until she hears ochako start to cry. She hums a small melody as she pulls Ochako close and holds her as she lets out her feelings, ones she can tell she's been holding in for long time.

Ochako babbles to herself about b things that sound incoherent to her, but the little she can put together tells her that ochako isn't as happy as she thought she would have been. 

Then it's her next words about an ex boyfriend that make her bite her tongue. She wants to ask if she means Izuku but she can't because Suzume doesn't know anything about them.

She's just a nobody that ochako’s crying her eyes out to.

She hums a sweet melody as she listens to Ochako, she doesn't think Ochako would like her regular music at a time like this.

She learns that with Izuku she was happy with him and thought that things were going well but now that they broke up she doesn't know what to think. She knows what izuku means and why he broke up with Ochako but she doesn't think either of them properly talked things out.

Unfortunately it seems like both of them still have the same issues 10 years later.

A boy devoted to heroism and a girl who doesn't know how to express and accept her true feelings. 

It bites at her heart that one of the reasons Ochako is like that is because of her, a part of her feels responsible that she caused this rift between the two. 

A thought that she could help fix things between them tries to fill her mind, but Ochako's next words make those thoughts fade away.

“*Sniff* Suzume…”

“Yes Ochako?” the way Ochako sniffles against her chest makes her feel so many things.

“Suzume, can you……can you sing to me?” she nods and tries to think of what to sing, but she decides to leave that up to Ochako.

“What would you like me to sing?” Ochako pulls away from her chest to look into her eyes with her own bloodshot and puffy ones. 

“Can you…. Can you sing something like what we were singing last night?” she thinks for a moment and contemplates if that would be good for Ochako right now.

“Ochako, the songs I know like that can be…… dark , do you still want me to sing them?” She waits patiently for Ochako's response as she thinks deeply before nodding.

“Yes, I want to hear them because….because you're the one singing them” her eyes flick between each of Ochako's eyes and how earnest she is.

“I'm scared I might upset you Ochako, Do you want me to hold back? I don't want to cause you any distress” Ochako wipes at her eyes and sniffles. 

“I'm not a bab-….. I can handle it, I promise Suzume” she takes one last look into those eyes that beg and demand at the same time. She decides to give Ochako what she wants because she's right, she's strong and can handle anything.

She takes a breath as a torrent of songs full her mind, and she decides on something.

”Welcome to the end of eras”

“Ice has melted back to life”

“Done my time and served my sentence”

“Dress me up and watch me die”

She looks into Ochako's eyes that are watching her with fascination as she begins to sing.

“You just might see a ghost tonight ”

‘How ironic’ maybe she should have thought twice about what she picked.

“I'm all dressed up and naked”

She hears Ochako giggle because of the lyrics and it makes her smile too.

Ochako starts to hum along with her and her tears slowly start to abate.

“Heroes always get remembered”

“But you know legends never…..”

She pauses at last part because memories of the day she died come back to her. The urge to confess to Ochako builds in her chest with every word she sings. 

As she looks at how peaceful Ochako is because of her voice, a feeling of tightness grows in her chest. 

‘I want to tell her’ but as the song comes to an end that feeling starts to abate and she falls back into her role as a stranger.

She looks at Ochako who is still humming the melody of the song to herself. 

She smiles to herself because this is such a perfect moment and she's glad she could make Ochako happy. As Ochako's humming comes to an end she scoots closer to her until their faces are just an inch apart. 

“Thank you for that, that was lovely” Ochako closes her eyes and nuzzles their noses together before placing a kiss on her lips.

And as they separate Ochako's eyes flick between her lips and her eyes

“It…. feels strange being around you like this” she can feel Ochako's fingers trace slow languid circles on her hip and that small action starts to build a fire in her belly.

“Is that a bad thing?” Ochako shakes her head before her fingers trace the curve of her hip.

“No, it's not a bad feeling…. It feels more like, like I've known you all my life” Ochako's fingers splay against her lower stomach right above where she wants them to go lower and it makes her smile happily.

‘You don't know how true that is Ochako’

As Ochako's fingers begin to slip down her body and through a small batch of hair before gently prodding at her core.

She closes her eyes and let's those fingers build up her desire, as they trace along her lips they grow wetter with each pass of those padded fingers. 

Ochako buries herself deeper into her chest as her fingers finally find her clit and she lets out a quiet gasp.

“Chako” just this small touch is enough to almost make her come undone. The kisses against her clavicle are cute and make her giddy, but also burn her insides. 

“More~” she wishes Ochako would do the same things she did to her last night and she's close to getting her wish. 

“Hehe, you're so cute Himiko” she lets out a breathy sigh and she wants to smile but the sudden stopping of Ochako's fingers pulls her from her reverie of pleasure.

“Please don't stop.” She opens her eyes to look at Ochako but when she does her heart begins to hurt because Ochako is looking at her with fear.

“Chako? What's wrong?” but it isn't until Ochako looks away from her and whispers ‘I'm sorry’ to her that she realizes what's wrong. 

She called her Himiko, and she didn't say anything. 

‘Shit’ she tries to say something but her phone rings and interrupts them both. She wants to keep say something, anything but she doesn't know what to say. 

It isn't until Ochako says that she should probably pick it up that she knows what to do.

She's going to tell her the truth. 

She opens her mouth to say those words, but then she hears a knock at the front door just as it stops ringing. 

She freezes because it can't be him can it?

“I should probably get that Suzume, excuse me” she watches as Ochako begins to climb out of bed and she has the burning urge to pull her back in.

Unfortunately for her she can't resist it and grabs Ochako's hand the moment she leaves.

“Suzume?”

They both stare at each other for a long time and the war Ochako's round eyes flutter closed every few seconds makes this tightening in her chest come back. 

She can't stop herself from pulling Ochako close and kissing her, but it's brief and barely lasts long enough for the both of them before she pulls away. 

“I think I know who that is, it's probably my brother, he's probably worried about me and asked the bar who I went home with” even though it's not the words she wants to say she smiles and Ochako nods before turning around to get dressed. 

But then she feels the softness of Ochako's lips on her own before Ochako turns away again. The blush she sees on her ears makes her smile and bask in the sight in front of her. The way Ochako gets ready in casual clothes that she always wishes to see her in feels domestic and like they've done this many times before. 

But she knows that she needs to get dressed too.

Keigo probably has words about what she did last night.

But she has no regrets about sleeping with ochako

Chapter Text

Izuku Midoriya: 27

December 24th

He woke up at seven in the morning, it's later than he would usually get up to teach but today he has the day off. 

The first thing he does afterwards is brush his teeth and shower before looking through his closet for clothes to wear today. 

He's going out with Ochako again today, and it's an important one. Her birthday is soon and he wanted to do something nice for her.

Something important he's been thinking about for a while now. 

They've been dating for about a year and he got something she might like as well. 

A box of her favorite mochi.

He goes through his closet and tries a few different clothes on to find the right one for their date. When he's done getting ready to go he goes to the fridge to get his present for his girlfriend. 

His lips turn up in a smile because he believes today is going to be a good day, for the both of them. 

“These lights are really pretty, do you want to go look at them Ochako?” His smile is from ear to ear as he stares in awe at his beautiful girlfriend. She's matured greatly since their time at school, just like everyone else in their class, though a part of him feels self conscious about his own scars that he has from that time. 

“Sure we can go” he smiles at her response and interlaces their fingers together as they begin to walk hand in hand through the trees decorated in bright and colorful lights ranging from pink and green to a bright red. Whenever they pass a bunch of pink ones he thinks of Ochako and the permanent blush she has on her cheeks. 

He thinks it's cute.

It almost is enough to make him giggle, but instead he taps his finger against the case in his other hand.

‘Maybe I shouldn't have brought this on our date’

“Aren't they beautiful Ochako, the pink ones remind me of you” He chuckles as he waits for her response, but instead of that quiet laugh he likes there's a long silence between them where she doesn't answer him and he's curious why. 

When it lasts far longer than he's expecting he follows her eyes and sees that she's staring softly at a couple and their two kids sitting on a bench together. 

He can't help but think of Mina and the question she asked them about wanting kids, and how Ochako never answered him that day. 

‘I thought she would have liked the idea because she loves working with kids, but I guess she might not want them herself’ they still haven't talked about it after months.

But as he takes in the couple and their kids those thoughts quickly fade away when he notices something about one of them. 

One of the children is blonde with sharp eyes like their mother. 

He feels something churning in his stomach again, just like it has been for the last few months. He doesn't know why but sometimes he gets uneasy when him and Ochako are together and he doesn't know what it is.

But he knows who she thinks of when she looks at the both of them. 

Himiko toga.

That feeling he doesn't know the name of only gets worse when he sees the look on Ochako's face when the parents kiss, a deep look of fondness he's only seen a few times that makes her lips form a gentle and soft smile.

As she watches the family have fun together he feels like she doesn't even know he's here. 

He looks away for a brief moment before turning back and it's only then that he realizes something that should have been obvious..

Oh.

He's an idiot, he didn't realize why she was probably staring at them in the first place, especially like that.

The parents are both girls around their age, and deeply affectionate with one another.

A thought of Ochako being like that with Himiko plays in his mind, but he knows that could have met happened especially now. 

Even if he knows it's what Ochakov would have wanted if she could have.

He bites the inside of his cheek as he thinks about a lot of things from the past year, and how she still isn't over it and probably never will be. 

He thinks deeply about when he's seen that look of fondness from before.

He's only really seen it the most when she works with the children that need counseling, and he thought it was working with them that made her happy like that. 

But lately he's been seeing it more and more, and he hasn't been connecting the dots about what causes it until now.

Most of the time he sees her like that after she talks to Momo and Jirou, and now he's starting to understand why.

But as the couple gets up to walk away he's starting to figure out what Ochako is probably feeling. 

A part of him hopes he's wrong, but another hopes he isn't. 

‘I want her to be happy’

‘Even if it isn't with me’

“Ochako?”

“Huh? Oh sorry, I got distracted. I'm sorry izuku, you wanted to look at the stores for something sweet right?” She gives him a soft smile and a gentle, affectionate squeeze with her hand.

He wants to say something, but instead he doesn't.

He decides to go look at the stores with her, even though he asked if she wanted to look at the lights and decorations in the plaza.

His smile is a little less bright this time. 

He smiles as he stares at the sweets on display as he looks for something Ochako would like.

He frowns for a moment as he tries to think of what she likes but the only thing he knows she likes is mochi, and strawberry is her favorite. Her turns around to ask her if she'd like some.

“Would you like to have some more mochi Ochako? I think they sell that here, your favorite is strawberry right?”

“Sure” he looks s bit disappointed by her answer because her back is to him as she look at the desserts on display. But the way she's humming along to the music playing makes him think that earlier was just a fluke, maybe it's all just in his head and everything is fine now.

‘I'm thinking too much’

But then his eyes go to what she's looking at his gaze becomes melancholy.

It's a small pastry.

Made with pomegranate seeds.

The fruit dabi told shoto was Himiko's favorite.

He frowns as she reaches out towards the display with a gentle and hesitant touch, she looks like she's afraid it will disappear if she gets too close.

“Ochako?” but she pauses her hand and turns back towards him like nothing happened.

“Hmm?” He sees in that brief moment a look he's used to seeing, something he's never figured out the meaning of but knows what it's for.

Himiko.

But now he knows it's a melancholic longing whenever she's reminded of something about Himiko.

“Oh sorry Izuku I got distracted, you wanted to see if they had milk chocolate right?”

He frowns for a moment before shaking his head.

“I was asking if you wanted any more mochi Ochako, strawberry is your favorite right?” her eyes flick away from him for a brief moment before she answers his question, though not in a way he hoped.

“I'm fine izuku, I have the ones you gave me earlier, I haven't thanked you for them yet I'm sorry.”

He wants to ask if there's something else she would like then, but before he can she begins looking at the stuff on display without him.

“Oh, tsuyu said one of her siblings loves this one, we should get it for them sometime“

He frowns as she talks about everyone else but herself, like she always does. 

He wishes she would ask for things she likes more, but she doesn't. 

His smile is a lot less brighter now.

“Hmm, that cafe looks nice, I kinda want to go there” he hears Ochako mumble to herself while distractedly looking at passerbys.

He stops in place and looks at the cute like cafe she's looking then back at her. 

“Do you want to go there, Ochako?” her brows furrow for a moment. He feels hesitant about saying anything because she's been suggesting places for him and the both of them all day, but this is the first time she's talked about somewhere she wants to go.

She hasn't been talking about anything about herself unless it involves him all day, just like he's realizing that she's been doing for the past year. 

It makes him sad everytime she talks about him or their friends but not herself.

‘I want to hear about her’ 

She still hasn't told him her parent’s names or where she was born, the only things he does know about her are because of Mina and tsuyu, the only exception is when she told him her favorite flavor.

Strawberry.

But that was only in passing and he isn't even sure she realized she said it until he bought her strawberry mochi on their anniversary.

‘I don't know a lot about her, not nearly as much as I should have’

“Sure we can go” he frowns at her words and the ‘we’ she used for a brief moment before nodding to her.

“Then let's go, if that's what you want Ochako” but she only gives him a brief hum before a long silence fills the air between them both. 

It's only after a brief moment that he realizes she's waiting for him to lead. He bites his cheek before waking forward, and when he does she follows him. 

He doesn't like that at all. 

He bites his tongue until it hurts as they approach the cafe. 

‘I don't want you to follow me Ochako, I want to be by your side’

He wishes she would be more selfish, he wouldn't mind.

He doesn't want the kind of relationship that makes her passive or constantly deferring to him. He wants to hear her as passionate as that day she was floating high above them all and pleading with all her heart.

For him and to Himiko 

He wants to hear her talk about herself and tell him all the places that she wants or wishes to go. He wants to see her smile with true unfettered joy and fondness for what she loves. He wants to hear her complaints and woes, he wants to know her fears and joys.

But it doesn't feel like she's sharing them with him.

He feels a tenseness in his chest and churning in his stomach again as they enter the shop. But when he sees her eyes light up because of the small little place it eases those feelings. 

“I'll go get us a table, you can order Ochako” he gives her an almost stilted smile, but when he sees her smile back at him those thoughts he's been having start to go away, at least a little bit. 

‘Maybe it's just all in my head’ he sets his case next to one of the chairs from the table he picked and decides to leave his case unguarded even though he shouldn't. 

‘It's only for a moment’ he lets out a sigh as he walks over to see what Ochako's ordering. But he stops not even a foot away when she sees her talking happily with the barista behind the counter. He looks at them both talking like old friends and it calms his racing thoughts from earlier. 

‘She's happy, maybe I'm just overthinking things, that's all’ he wants to go to her but then he actually looks at them and sees the way she's talking to the girl behind the counter.

The one blushing because of her words.

It's then that he understands something. 

Something that Ochako probably doesn't understand about herself, and he didn't either until he saw the way she's talking to the heteromorphic girl on the other side of the counter, one with rows of sharp teeth in her mouth like a shark and a wide and genuine smile.

“I think your smiles cute”

“Aww, thanks people are usually scared of me because of my teeth. Plus I look very scary because of my quirk”

“Well I think they're really pretty” the girl with shark-like features blushes again before giving her a flirty remark. 

“Well I think you're really pretty too” and the way that Ochako blushes as she tries to wave off her compliment like they aren't obviously flirting settles some of that churning in his stomach.

He decides to leave Ochako alone and sit back down.

‘She's happy’ seeing her so happy and giggling freely settles more of that uneasiness he's been feeling all day, even if it wasn't him that made her smile like that. 

It's calming watching her have fun with someone, even if she doesn't realize she's unintentionally flirting with a girl she finds cute. She looks unrestrained and peaceful as she talks unrestrained with someone.

‘I don't think she realizes she likes girls like that’ Tsu can probably attest to that if he asked.

When Ochako walks back to him with two drinks and a crepe-that she obviously didn't pay for-he knows the conversation went well for her.

He looks at the glow she has as she takes a seat across from him and hands him a drink he already knows the contents of.

He is curious what she got but decides not to bother her any that and instead tries to give her money to pay for his drink, but she waves it off like it's nothing.

“It's fine izuku” she giggles again and wipes at her mouth. But the blood he saw doesn't concern him, he knows what it's from.

“She was really nice, maybe I'll come back here more often” he knows he should be jealous of someone else flirting with his girlfriend, but he can't make himself feel that way. 

Because Ochako is happy right now and he knows deep down it wasn't him that did it, and those fangs she has right now tell him everything about what she truly feels. 

‘I think she likes them’

He hasn't seen those fangs come out since the morning after graduation. That was after she and Tsu got drunk in her room the night before, and even though neither of them said exactly what happened between them, he knows it made Ochako happy for a while. But also strained her relationship with Tsu for a year.

Ochako takes a bite happily of the crepe-that he's definitely sure wasn't a platonic gift from the barista who was obviously flirting with her-as those fangs Himiko gave her unintentionally start to recede and her eyes become a little bit duller just like the last time.

But even still she's really happy, and the phone number she doesn't know is there on her cup tells him maybe she'd be happier if he wasn't in her life that much. 

“Ochako, I have something to tell you” the way Ochako's eyes light up and fill with expectations for him just make the words in his throat bitter, and he doesn't even know if the next words he says are what he actually wants to say or it's something else. 

So much fills his head at once and he ends up saying words that are probably a mistake, but they fall so naturally from his lips, because at the back of his head, he's had these thoughts for a while now. 

“I think we should break up” but even though those words are heavy in his mouth he says them, regrettably, painfully .

And they hurt more than his battle with shoto at the sports festival.

This wasn't how he was planning this day to go, at the start of the day he thought he was going to ask if they could move in together. 

It would have been so easy to just say that instead, but he didn't. Now he's done something he can't take back.

But maybe those words he wanted to say are not what he should be saying right now. Maybe he needs to reevaluate something's about the both of them and how ready they actually are for something like this relationship. 

After today he doesn't think he's as ready as he thought he was.

‘I'm sorry Ochako’ he wants to tell her he's sorry but the words make his throat feel choked up and he wants to gag because of it. 

But all he can do is try to mouth them and it hurts when she doesn't see them. 

He wishes he could find the right words to say right now but he can't. All he can do is try and fail.

He begins to speak but the look of hurt on her face makes him want to take back those words, take back everything he's thinking. But it's too late now that he's said them. 

What they had together ended the moment he opened his mouth and he regrets it.

But all the memories of every time she's deferred to him and put him and his friends first instead of herself rushes into his skull and it hurts more than losing his arms. 

‘It hurts’

It hurts to see her so tired after working so many hours almost every day, it hurts to see her give so much of herself to everyone else till she begins to burn out.

It hurts to see her give so much after everything she's already done for so many. He's always admired heroes when he was younger but it's only after meeting all might and everything after that he realized they're people too, people that he's seen hurt in so many ways. 

People that can break under the weight of so much.

‘Maybe I'm making a mistake’ his throat burns to tell her he's sorry and he didn't mean it, but he can't because he did.

He knows that even if it's too painful for him he can't take back what he said because he meant those words and he can't lie to himself or her. Now everything's different between them and even if they didn't choose to break up after this these words he said would always hang over their heads. 

Now they are out in the open things won't be the same between them, but maybe that's for the best.

Maybe he's not the one she needs in her life, not now when she should be at her happiest.

‘Am I making a mistake?’

Maybe someone else would be better for her, someone that isn't the person Ochako told Himiko she loved before she died. 

‘I don't feel good’

Maybe someone that understands her better than him.

‘I really don't feel good’

Maybe she'll finally admit she likes girls, and not push away what happened that day with Himiko, or with Tsu.

‘I wish you wouldn't be scared of your feelings Ochako’

He doesn't want to break up, but he knows that he doesn't know as much about her as he should, even after almost eleven years since they met.

‘I feel sick’

He's not even sure if pink is her favorite color, she's never told him herself.

‘I want to know all your favorite things, please tell me’

There's so much he wishes he knew about her, but he doesn't know enough.

And the way she tries to say those words without anger or malice even though he can see that deep down she's upset makes this choice final. 

“Okay izuku I understand”

She's trying not to be upset with him and it makes him feel worse.

He's not enough for her, and he can't make her as happy as she should be.

He can't replace Himiko.

And he doesn't want to.

‘I'm going to be sick’ 

This uneasiness in his stomach is back and it's worse than ever before. He wants to puke, but he knows if he does she's going to blame herself. 

So he grits through it, and tries to be calm even though his stomach hurts.

“Ochako, when was the last time you did something for yourself and not for me or our friends?”

She doesn't answer him, and the way she touches at her stomach where her scar is and looks at her crepe make his eyes sting more.

It was strawberry.

But he bites down and pushes through it until their conversation is done and they go their separate ways. 

When she leaves he finally breaks apart and rushes to bathroom before he pukes.

After he's done and is washing his mouth out in the sink he feels a painful pang in his heart for Ochako.

“I miss you already”

Maybe he made a mistake.

‘I wish I could take it back’

But that churning in his gut gets worse the more he thinks about her and the way she was smiling so happily and so fondly all those times, and how he's only seen her do something like that once for him. 

He wipes the sting from his eyes as he goes back to their…… table.

He just hopes no one took his case.

Kacchan would be pissed

Chapter Text

*Click*

The moment she hears the door open she feels her heart hammer in her chest. 

There's no doubt it's keigo on the other side of the door and she isn't prepared to face him, and as the door opens. 

“Hey girl I brought you some pain-, oh, you have company today” but instead of feathery blonde hair all she sees is a long messy haired pink skinned girl with horns who looks at them both curiously.

‘It's not keigo, it's one of Ochako's friends, why isn't it keigo?’

“Oh Mina, we weren't expecting you” the moment Ochako says we minas dark and golden eyes go to her for a moment and she sees a strange emotion in them before they go to Ochako again. 

“Who were you two expecting? Pizza?” Ochako giggles because of her friend's words and it makes her smile even if Ochako's friend's eyes keep flicking towards her for some reason that makes her feel wary about her.

She thinks it's strange what she's doing but neither of them say anything and Ochako doesn't seem to notice it as she invites Mina in.

“We were actually waiting for Suzume's brother to come actually so this is a surprise mina” when she says brother mina's face becomes almost melancholic, before she smiles at them.

She definitely knows something but isn't saying anything. 

‘What is it?’

“Oh? Is he cute?” Mina says in a teasing voice as she wags her eyebrows. 

“My brother is almost 34, I think he's a bit old for you mina” unfortunately for her that doesn't seem to deter the horned girl.

“I bet he has massive dilf energy then~” the horned girl bites her tongue between her teeth and gives her a cheeky smile that makes her feel grossed out. 

‘I do not want to think about that’ she feels squicked out from thinking about Mina going after someone who's treated her like family for the last 10 years.

“Ochako can you open a window for me, I think I need some fresh air and a long walk” sadly Ochako doesn't seem to get her dark joke and actually goes to open a window, until she pulls her back. 

“I was kidding Ochako” Ochako's eyes contemplate her words as Mina chuckles at them both before realization dawns over the other girl. 

“Oh, I get it now” a brief moment of concern flashes over Ochako's face but quickly disappears.

“I think that's a new record for you Ochako” Mina taunts her playfully, this is obviously not the first time she's missed a joke like that and Ochako rolls her eyes at her old classmate in faux annoyance.

“Shut up” Ochako speaks without any malice and they both giggle at each other's banter playfully. 

But watching them play off of each other like this so naturally makes a part of her feel left out, it's almost hard to watch them so easily talk to and mess around with one another because they've been friends for so long. 

She tries to think of the last time she did that and all she can think about is jin and keigo. But thinking of them at the same time leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. 

‘I miss you Jin’

She hasn't forgiven or forgotten what happened and she never will, even if she understands why it happened and why there wasn't any other choice for keigo.

A part of her still hates him deep down, but she's thankful for everything he's done for her. 

Without him she never would have survived the last 10 years, much less that day. 

She can't hate him, not entirely after everything he's done to keep her alive until his plan is fully finished.

“Suzume? Are you okay?” The sudden call of Ochako's voice causes her eyes to flick between the two girls she followed unconsciously to the kitchen. 

She looks at Mina who is sitting at the dining table, then at Ochako who is standing close to her with a concerned look on her face. She flicks between them before waving off their worries and reassuring Ochako she's fine. 

“I'm fine just thinking of something my brother did in the past that upset me that's all” it's not a lie but it's a very skewed description of something that still haunts her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ochako's gaze is soft and makes her feel warm. She can see Ochako's eyes filled with comfort and her own words earlier play in her head. She wants more than anything to tell Ochako everything, but unfortunately she has to turn her down. 

She doesn't want to talk about it right now, it's still too painful and now's not the time or the people to bring it up to.

Maybe someday she can if they don't hate her when the truth comes out.

“No, not right now Ochako, I'm really happy right now and I don't want to bring up something that will make me upset, maybe some other time” she adds that last part because of Ochako, it's not a good example to set for someone like Ochako. 

She just hopes it's not soon that Ochako asks her about it, she doesn't think she can turn her down if she does.

They both give her an understanding nod, and Ochako gives her a soft smile that makes her happy. 

“Ooooohhhh, you two seemed to have really hit it off, Ochako come on give me the deets~” Ochako rolls her eyes and urges Himiko to sit across from Mina before walking over to her kitchen counter.

“I don't think Suzume would appreciate me talking about what happened last night, mina”

She takes a seat and watches Ochako begin to make coffee for them, but the way Ochako stretches to reach one of the high shelves to get the coffee makes her stare unashamedly at her. 

‘Yep I'm still bi/pan, definitely’ she can feel her cheeks flush a deep red and Mina gives her a small and light giggle that breaks her out of her Ochako obsessed reverie. When she turns to face her she sees that look in Mina's eyes again, the one she's been giving her ever since she first saw it was her with Ochako.

But there's something different in it, something softer.

“Wow, you really like her huh Suzume ” the tone in her voice isn't something she recognizes, but it reminds her of someone. 

‘Keigo?’ her eyes flick to Ochako as she begins to put water in a pot, but after a few quiet minutes of her staring unashamedly she finally looks away because she can feel mina staring at her.

‘She's acting weird, somethings up’

“Sooo suzume what do you like about her?” Mina smiles cheekily at her as she rests her head and hands.

Her mind tries to think of what to say, but most of what she wants wouldn't be appropriate for a stranger that's not supposed to know them. So instead she has to say something else. 

“She's cute” Mina raises an eyebrow at her asking her if that's it. 

“That everything?” Mina has a look of disappointment and that strange look is back in her eyes. 

She rolls her eyes and guesses she should add some more. 

“I like her cute face” as Ochako brings over the cups of coffee mina frowns at her and her smile diminishes by the second.

The horned girl takes a small sip of her coffee and her eyes become serious.

“Is that everything, Suzume ” the way mina says that name tells her so much and it's then that she realizes that mina knows who she is. 

‘Then why isn't she saying anything, unless…..’ the way mina takes another sip of her coffee before her next words makes dread pool in her stomach. 

She's scared that Mina's next words are going to be the truth and when she hears the start of her next words she can't stop herself from blurting out her feelings. 

“H-”

“I think she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life!” Unfortunately, her words cause Ochako to choke on her coffee and spill it on herself. Her eyes go wide and she immediately rushes to her side to try and help her. 

“Ochako, shit, I'm sorry, are you okay?” She tries to comfort Ochako as she coughs and waits until she's done to do anything else.

“Ochako are you okay?” She shakes her head and coughs out “water” as she points towards the sink and she quickly gets a cup and pours the water before handing it back to Ochako. After a minute Ochako finally relaxes and breathes a sigh of relief before looking at her with a soft look. 

“Thank you h…. suzume” Ochako takes another sip of her water before sighing again. “I need to take a shower now.” Her eyes are filled with concern for the other girl because she has had this deep fear of something happening to Ochako ever since that day and it feels worse now that the girl she's loved for over 10 years is in front of her.

It must make Ochako worried how concerned she is about her, because her eyes flick away from her gaze. She turns away because she believes she's making Ochako uncomfortable but then she feels her grab her pinky with her own before giving her a small smile that makes her chest flutter.

*Snap*

The sound of a phone camera startles her and Ochako out of the moment they were having and they both stare at the horned smirking at them.

“Hehe, don't mind me you two love birds, just getting some proof that Ochako's definitely not straight.” Mina hums to herself as she types on her phone before closing it. 

“Ochako straight? I doubt she's ever been straight in her life” it's only after Himiko says those words she said carelessly that she realizes she fucked up. 

“Hmm? Have you met her before suzume?" She bites her tongue because of that question and the way mina's giving her that look again that she's been giving her all morning.

She needs to deflect.

“Oh, uh no, not really, I was just saying that because of what happened last night when we, y’know…..” Mina raises her eyebrow at her until her eyes fall on the bruises and bite mark that is almost certainly going to scar on Ochako's neck. 

Ochako blushes as she covers up the mark with her hand and tries to wave off Mina.

“Uh, this is nothing, just a little hickey that's all” mina gives her an unamused look before giving them both a light and brief chuckle.

“Yeah sure, just a little kinky hickey~” Mina's eyes go to her and look her over once before going back to her phone as Ochako pulls their fingers apart much to her disappointment. 

“I really need to take a shower Suzume I feel really sticky” Himiko nods and watches Ochako wave bye to her before going into the room. After a brief minute she hears the door closed, a part of her wishes she went with her but instead of thinking about it she sips at her coffee as mina types something on her phone before setting it upside down on the table. 

“So you really do like her don't you?” Mina stares at her with that same look she's getting tired of, even if it's softer now. 

She nods and takes another sip before placing her mug on the table. 

“Yes I do, Mina,” Mina hums because of her answer and nods.

“Well I'm glad, Himiko ”

‘There it is’ she wants to sigh because of what Mina said but instead she plays dumb, keigo helped train her so she can play her role as a sparrow perfectly. She's had to use her cover story many times when strangers on the street or the bar would accuse her of being Himiko Toga.

“Himiko? Is that someone Ochako knows?” Mina rolls her eyes at her before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“I know it's obviously you Himiko you can drop the act now” she gives her a faux frown before flicking her eyes away from her. 

“I think you have me mixed up with someone else, mina, I don't know anybody with that name” Mina lets out an exasperated sigh before shaking her head at her. 

“Please stop lying, especially to Ochako before you hurt her” the worry and upset in her own voice because of Mina’s words is real and she doesn't have to fake it. 

“I'd never hurt Ochako”

“But you already did remember? The day she thought she lost you and these last 10 years” her false emotions begin to falter when she hears that. 

“You know she's missed you everyday over the years Himiko, she's even been leaving a vial of her blood for you every year where you died” melancholy fills her eyes because she had to live most of these years knowing that Ochako would do that for her.

She's thankful Keigo would bring those precious vials to her until she could do it herself after the hpsc finally loosened its grip on her.

She stares at the horned girl and she knows she's already lost, there's no doubt she knows it's her now. 

But even still she needs to play this part, or else everything hawks has been working towards for her will have been for nothing. 

“I'm sorry I really have no idea what you're talking about” mina is exasperated because of Himiko but instead of getting upset at her she sighs and plays with the rim of her cup of coffee before checking her phone again.

“Fine Himiko, if that's what you want then prove you aren't her and are Suzume, you've obviously been working hard to maintain this new identity of yours ”

“Prove?” but Mina doesn't answer her directly and instead starts asking questions without her input.

“So if you aren't Himiko then what's your quirk” Mina looks bored as she waits for her to continue to lie, unfortunately for her not all of her answers are lies.

“It's a flying quirk, it lets me fly like a sparrow, it's ironic really” mina is unamused by her answer and she contemplates giving her a demonstration.

“Your quirk or do you mean Ochako's , you could always use other people's quirks when you drank their blood” she tries to open her mouth to speak but mina interrupts her.

“Next question, what have you been doing the last 10 years” she could recite her cover story word for word a thousand times and there would be no discrepancies. She's done this same song and dance hundreds of times over the last 10 years, maybe even a thousand.

“I moved to Japan from America so I could get closer to my half brother keigo” Mina stares off into the distance in boredom.

“So you're supposed to be Hawks sister, huh, okay next question Suzume…., name 3 American bands and 3 Japanese ones” she rolls her eyes at the bored looking girl as she recites more than the six she wanted.

“Green day, panic at the disco, mother mother, fall out boy, my chemical romance, metallica, queen, def Leppard, the warning and Japanese artists and bands are mili, ado, Lisa, creepy nuts, porno graffiti, OxT, lotus juice, tuki and I could name multiple different English and Japanese v tubers, vocaloids and cover artists and every song and lyric if you want” she hopes this is enough to shut her up, maybe the only thing she has freedom to live and enjoy will finally be helpful,  but instead mina acts flippant and rolls her eyes before going back to her phone. 

‘You could at least take your interrogation seriously if you're going to do it’ she bites back the words she wants to desperately say and keeps in the sigh she wants to let out. Even though it's hard to keep up this ruse because it's emotionally draining, slipping back into a mask comes all too easily to her.

“Okay final question." Mina leaves a long pause between them to build anticipation. 

‘What could she possibly have to-’

“Why haven't you noticed your fangs have been out ever since you became worried about Ochako when she was choking” her hand unconsciously goes to her mouth to check her teeth and she unconsciously curses on accident because it's true. 

She's not supposed to have fangs anymore.

‘Damnit’

It's over and now the game is up, but that doesn't mean she can't end it on her own terms.

She licks at her fangs before looking into Mina's eyes that are filled with that emotion and in this moment she finally knows what it is, worry, and it can't be for anything but Ochako.

She decides to make a decision. 

“ Mina… .” a stern look fills her eyes as she stares deep into those dark sclera and golden eyes that shine differently than hers. 

Mina gives her the same look back as her hand sets her phone down and her skin starts to become shiny. 

She opens her fang filled mouth to speak. 

“Mina ashido….”

“Himiko Toga” but instead of doing anything the other girl expects that will probably cause a fight Himiko takes a deep breath and her face softens.

“I swear on my life that I won't let anything happen to Ochako or anybody she loves or cares for, and even if you don't believe me I want you to know one thing” Mina's serious eyes flick between each of her soft honey like eyes. 

“Wh-”

“I love her and I'll do anything for her, even if it costs me everything, even my own life” she closes her eyes and contemplates if she did the right thing.

She doesn't know If asking Mina to trust her this way was worth it, but she hopes it is.

She decides to wait on Mina's judgement, and she doesn't have to wait long. 

“Okay then, I guess I was wrong about you, sorry Suzume I mistook you for someone else” she opens her eyes to see if Mina's telling the truth but the other girl's phone rings as she's typing on it and interrupts this moment. 

“Oh sorry I think I should go, that's probably jirou, I was supposed to meet her at 11 but I guess I spent too long here” mina gives her a saccharine sweet smile and begins to get up to leave. 

‘She's lying’ but even if she is, she's thankful she can be alone now.

She breathes a sigh of relief until Mina backtracks and gives her a sly smile.

“Oh and Suzume , I think Ochako's waiting on you to join her~ ” she gives the horned girl a curious look until she realizes something. 

Neither of them have heard the shower go on yet. 

Mina gives her a cheeky smile and waves bye to her. 

“Have fun you two~” Himiko watches her leave until she disappears in the front room before the sound of the front door locking echoes through the quietness.

She thinks for a brief moment before deciding to check up on Ochako, after taking one of the pain killers from the bottle of them mina left on the table. 

She's getting a headache.

When she reaches her door she taps the back of her knuckles against the door once then tries again. 

She doesn't even get to the second knock before it opens and when it does she's stunned by what she sees. 

Ochako isn't wearing anything but her underwear.

And it's only her bottom ones.

But she doesn't even get to process that small smile Ochako has because of the way she's staring at her chest before she grabs her hand and drags her inside. The moment the door closes behind them Ochako lets out a happy giggle before she leans close enough to nuzzle their noses together and kiss her lips, but she stays just far enough away that they don't. 

She wishes Ochako would just close the gap between them. It's driving her mad being this close to her without kissing her. 

When Ochako finally does ask for permission she doesn't wait for her to finish to say yes. 

“Suzume, can I kiss you-”

“Yes, please ~” and the moment those words leave her lips that Ochako can't take her eyes off of they both close the gap and finally they're lips meet after almost hours of waiting.

The neediness she feels from Ochako through her lips is bliss, but also makes her heart ache for her.

“Suzume, do you want to go out again sometime, maybe even today?” 

“Yes~” she speaks between the kisses she presses against Ochako's lovely lips and the sound of her giggling is sweet against her ears. 

“Suzume, do you…. Want to……join me for a ….. Shower?” but when those words make thoughts of Mina come to her and she finds the words the horned girl said odd. 

‘How did she know Ochako was waiting for me?’ but as she places another kiss on Ochako's lips she looks at the phone sitting on Ochako's bed and the way the screen still glows tells her Ochako was just on it. 

Her eyebrows furrow with every nip at each other's lips, but it's still sweet even though there's a small bit of sourness because it's obvious Ochako knows it's her and it's all because of Mina.

But if Ochako is kissing her because she's Himiko then she doesn't care, all she wants to do is be in this moment and nothing more. 

A while ago

As she takes off one piece of clothing at a time the memory of the blonde girl not far away from her fills her mind.

Those sharp feline-like amber eyes that are almost exactly like hers, that long and silky blonde hair that frame her face perfectly, those sharp fangs that make her heart beat faster because all she can see is hers. 

Most of hose scars on her arms are new, or she didn't see them in the first place years ago. 

‘She's Himiko’

They're what her mind is telling her, that this girl that she met in a random bar is Himiko. That after 10 years she found Himiko by chance and kissed her like she wished she did that day she died. 

Died….

Her mouth tastes bitter as the last ten years she spent grieving her fills her heart. 

‘No she's not Himiko, and even if she was why would I say anything, I don't want to lose her again’

If she's Himiko. But she isn't so there's no problem.

‘She just reminds me of her that's all’

*Ping!*

“Hmmm?” As she finishes taking off her bra she walks over to her bed and picks up her phone to look at the message she was sent.

“Jirou?” She looks at the message and sender and she has conflicted feelings about it. 

Move to your own tempo: Ochako wtf is this!?!??!?

She sighs as she looks at the picture Jirou sent with her message. 

It's a blurry photo of her pressing himi-, Suzume against a wall while they make out. Her mind is a bit hazy but she remembers walking home from the bar and stopping a few, dozen, times to make out with himi-, Suzume.

“Of course someone saw us” she watches as jirou begins to type a message and she can already guess what it is.

Move to your own tempo: wtf about midoriya!!!!???? You better not be doing what I think your doing. 

She frowns before typing a message to correct this situation.

Space girl: we broke up, I thought mina would have told you by now. 

Move to your own tempo:…..

There's a long pause before jirou sends something. 

Move to your own tempo: I'm sorry, I didn't know. 

Space girl: it's fine, it wasn't a bad break up. 

Move to your own tempo: so you both wanted some space? 

Space girl: not exactly 

Move to your own tempo: …

Move to your own tempo: wait, did midoriya break up with you?

Space girl: I don't want to talk-

She sighs and deletes the message before retyping it, Suzume's words from earlier ring in her head and she knows she's right.

‘I need to let people in, even if it hurts’ she needs to let the people she loves into her heart more. 

Space girl: we can talk about our the next time I see you, okay?

Move to your own tempo: sounds good, momo can also be there if you want to talk it through

Space girl: thank you.

She places her hand on her chest and takes a deep breath.

She's been scared of feeling things ever since that day in the war, but Suzume….. even if she's not Himiko she helps ease this pain and fear she has. 

She contemplates this feeling of ease she gives her and a part of her feels conflicted. 

‘Am I using Suzume?’ Is she using her as a replacement for Himiko? 

A part of her says yes but another part doesn't. 

‘Do I like Suzume because she reminds me of Himiko, or do I like her for herself?’ she thinks of these things as she reads the next message jirou sends. 

Move to your own tempo: so the girl in the picture, that's Himiko isn't it?.

She looks over her words again and again before typing a message back. 

Space girl: Yes it is-

She deletes the message before typing a new one. 

Space girl: her name is suzume takami, I met her at a girl's only bar last night. 

Move to your own tempo:.......

Move to your own tempo: okay there are several things I need to ask.

Move to your own tempo: first off, you went to a lesbian bar by yourself?

Space girl: no, I went with Mina, she ended up going home with a few girls before me and Suzume left. 

Move to your own tempo: oh, is mina poly? Or just wanted that kinda hook up?

She tries to think of an answer to that, but Jiro sends another message before she can.

Move to your own tempo: second off, suzume takami , Ochako isn't that Keigo's last name, the president of the hpsc?

She chews on her cheek before she puts the pieces together.

Space girl: maybe? Suzume did talk about her brother possibly coming over earlier because he was worried about her.

Move to your own tempo:.......

Move to your own tempo: wait come over???? Did you fuck hawks sister!??!?

Ochako's eyes go wide and she blushes a deep red. 

Space girl: maybe??...... Yes....

Move to your own tempo: and she's still there???!?

Space girl:……

Space girl: yes…….

Move to your own tempo: girl……

Alien queen : girl……

It takes her a moment to process that mina joined.

Space girl: Mina?!? Did you leave? I thought you were talking to Suzume?

Alien queen: I am, she's really obsessed with you, it's kinda cute.

Alien queen: She says she's hawk’s half sister from America and she's a big music nerd. She named like thirty bands and artists when I asked for like 6. Jirou will probably like her, she even named a few I know jirou likes. 

Move to your own tempo: which ones?

Allen Queen: She said-

She blushes as her mind tunes them out because all she can think about is how cute that sounds, she hopes Suzume can teach her about the music she likes.

Maybe she can be friends with jirou too.

When she finally looks at the newest message kind sent after she talked to Jiro about the girls she went home with she sees a link to an audio clip

Alien queen: girl your girlfriend's a real catch you know. Just listen what she has to say about you.

She click's play and waits for any sound to come and when she finally does her breath hitches in her throat.

“I swear on my life that I won't let anything happen to Ochako or anybody she loves or cares for, and even if you don't believe me I want you to know one thing” she waits for the brief pause that feels like an eternity to end and when it does tears sting at her eyes.

“I love her and I'll do anything for her, even if it costs me everything, even my own life” she wants to rush off to pull Suzume close for so many reasons but she doesn't get to, not yet.

Alien queen: I'm gonna go me and jirou have some stuff to talk about, you two have fun and don't run the water bill up too high~

Her ears are tipped red from how much she's blushing because of Mina's words.

Move to your own tempo: Ochako we need to talk later about your girlfriend, she's Himiko, people are going to have questions because of those pictures.

Space girl: I know-

She deletes her message before re typing it. 

Space girl: Suzume isn't my girlfriend, we've only known each other for a day. 

Move to your own tempo: yet, I know you want her to be. 

Space girl:...... Yes

Move to your own tempo: I need to go talk to Momo, tell us when you finally make things official with Suzume .

After that the conversation ends and she hears a knock on her door she smiles because she's finally alone with Himiko, Suzume.

And after she opens the door and pulls Himiko Suzume close she feels a calm she's needed for so long, and when they kiss it's a burning fire that feels better than anything else.

She's Himiko

She's Suzume, my sparrow.

As the horned girl exits the elevator her dark eyes look towards the older man sitting down in one of the lobby chairs while he types on his phone. 

Her phone pings with an unfamiliar tone because it's one of the default ones that she randomly picked instead of a customized one for her loved ones and friends. 

She rolls her eyes at the man with blonde feathery hair before taking out her phone.

Feather duster: so? How'd she do? 

She sighs before typing a message back. 

Alien queen: fine, you were right, she isn't anything like before the war. She's not a threat to Ochako.

Alien Queen: but that doesn't mean she's forgiven.

Feather duster: I know she's still responsible for all those crimes and the war.

Alien Queen: That's not what I meant. 

Feather duster: ???

Alien queen: if she wants forgiveness for what she did to Ochako over the last 10 years then she needs to work for it. 

There's a brief pause between them as the blonde man not far from her sighs before typing back. 

Feather duster: that's what I was hoping for, I just hope I can resolve this soon so they can take all the time in the world they need.

She types one last message before walking to the entrance and leaving as older man known as hawks sighs and reads her last message.

Alien queen: you better, Ochako's suffered for over ten years for this.

He looks at the message with melancholy before typing a response, even though she's probably not going to read it. 

Feather duster: I promise, for the both of them.

He sighs as he looks at the date, tomorrow's her birthday. 

"Just make it to the end of the year you two."

Chapter Text

Himiko Toga: 17

“What………..her”

“I ……… please……needs blood………dying….” 

“......... Why.....…us…. Help her…………. Someone else…” 

“Please help…......... Beg-........ She…….... Long left.......” 

“Hmm” the sound of voices stirs her addled mind from the darkness, the sound of many voices talking hurts her ears that feel like they are full of wet cotton. 

But she can tell there's a bunch of people talking near her and most of them have the scent of blood on them, but there's one familiar smell of timber that reminds her of someone she hates more than anything.

“Please I'm…….. Help………. Die……any minute…..” 

"Why…………..…save her."

“Please…….. Blood!” 

‘Blood?’ Her groggy mind processes that one word that's given her so much euphoria and pain since she was a child. The memories of that bird in her palms that fell in the yard fill her mind as her body grows colder by the second.

‘Am I…. Dead?’

As her mind ebbs between the darkness of unconsciousness and awake, memories of someone she knows start to fill her frayed mind.

“Ocha……ko?” That one word that means so many things to her leaves her lips with the last of her energy and she knows that anything she says next will be her final words because death is about to take her, and she can't feel Ochako's warmth that tells her at least she's still alive.

“Chako?”

“Please!........ Anything……. Swear….. Life……… I promise…………save her!............. Give her blood!”

But then she hears a soft voice that her brain can barely process.

“I'll do it!…..…help her…………..”

“Thank you………………”

But then her mind finally processes who that one voice is. 

Hawks.

She can't even feel the rage she wants to because death begins to take her and coldness starts to take over her body until her skin feels like it's made of marble, but then she feels a sudden pain in her arm before warmth begins to fill her veins again. The heat of blood entering her veins eases the pain and coldness in her body until she can finally breathe easier.

This time the darkness that takes over her mind is comforting because it is the embrace of sleep and not death. 

*Beep Beep Beep* The repetitive sound of a machine beeping stirs her awake from her sleep. 

‘Annoying’ she groans at that annoying and repetitive sound because it sounds like a pounding drum against her sensitive ears.

“Hmm, oh, she's finally waking up” a soft but gravelly sounding voice pulls her mind further from the embrace of sleep.

“Hmmm? Chako?” she mumbles the name of the last person she saw before she lost consciousness as her eyes begin to flutter open to look at who's voice that was. 

Her groggy mind makes her think it might be Ochako and it isn't long until her eyes finally open enough for her to see, but it's barely enough to see the stark white glow of everything surrounding her.

The way the light burns her eyes hurt and the sense of dread she feels from that pure white color all around her makes her want to close her eyes again

“Not quite sorry” as her eyes get adjusted to the light she sees hints of dark hair and her heart picks up because it might be Ochako. 

So even though it hurts she forces her eyes open and to get adjusted to this burning light that makes her eyes water. But as her vision focuses on that person not far from her, dread begins to pool in her stomach. 

‘It's not her, it's not Ochako’

Her eyes focus on a fairly young-but definitely older than Dabi and the tomura- woman with short, almost messy grayish brown hair and dark brown eyes. She feels utter disappointment now because those eyes are nothing like Ochako’s.

They lack the warmth and drive Ochako has.

“Are you okay Himiko?” As her mind begins to get adjusted to her surroundings she feels nothing but disappointment and fear at her surroundings and the odd woman. 

She's in a medical bed and there's pure white walls surrounding her on all sides and the lack of windows makes fear crawl into her throat.

She panically looks around for a way to escape or anything she can use to fight, but there's almost nothing.

“Easy now, you shouldn't push yourself, you're in really rough shape” her eyes focus on the woman sitting in a chair across from her against one of the walls and she frowns at her.

She doesn't know who this is and their attire isn't helping her figure it out. She doesn't look like a hero with her almost casual clothes, she looks like some random worker from off the streets.

All she's wearing is a plain white long sleeved shirt with the collar undone and a pair of slacks. Her messy hair is unkempt and needs to be brushed but isn't damaged.

For some reason she's reminded of Kurogiri when she looks at her.

She sees there is dirt underneath her short blunted nails and her eyes are full of red veins and have bags under them.

All she can think of when she sees these things is a possible hero helping in the war and it makes her feel more guarded and afraid.

Nothing she can see tells her who this woman is or why she's here in this almost featureless room with her. 

The only way out seems to be a heavy metal door and she knows it isn't opening because there's a lock on it.

This isn't a hospital. This feels like a prison. She needs to escape.

The older girl's eyes are filled with worry because of the way she's reacting to the room she's in and for some reason she tries to comfort her.

“I know you might not like this place but you're safe and it isn't a prison I promise” there's a melancholy in those dark eyes that remind her of a caged bird but it does very little to make her feel at ease.

She glares at the tired looking woman who looks like she might fall asleep at any second. 

‘She could be dangerous’

She grits her teeth and sneers at her before speaking.

“Then where am I!?” She watches as the tired woman sighs before beginning to stand up and pull something out from her pants and she's scared it's a weapon. But then the woman stops before approaching her slower this time. 

“It's not a weapon I promise, ummm, your, uh, here this might explain something's” her eyes flick around the room for something she can use to defend herself but there's almost nothing to use, the heart rate monitor is too big to lift and the IV in her arm is too vital for her to use. She needs it because she still feels faint and she doesn't want to risk dying.

Maybe she still has blood in her system she could use?

But when she sees what the woman pulls out she frowns at her as she stops a few feet away.

‘It's a phone?’

It's a brand new phone that looks like hers, but also different, even the color is the same as hers. Then when the woman holds it out towards her she becomes confused. 

“Here, this is for you, I was told to give it to you” she looks at the device and is cautious of it. It could be a trap and she doesn't know what quirk this woman has. 

She wants to slap it out of her hands because of how scared she is. But then she looks into those dark and almost bloodshot eyes of hers and the worry she sees in them makes her hesitate because all she can think of is Ochako even if their eyes are different shades.

The older girl eventually relents and sighs before placing it near her feet,  she's half tempted to kick it off the bed but her words make her hesitate.

“It's not a trap, I promise, my quirk isn't really an offensive one like that so you can relax, you're not in any danger” she watches the woman back away from her slowly before turning her back to her as she walks back to her seat.

She's tempted to attack her and see if she has a key on her to the door, but her next words kill that thought. 

“I don't have the key to this room so there isn't any point to hurting me, and it's not like I could do much anyways if you decide to hurt me” the woman takes her seat again and sits almost completely still as she watches her. 

Himiko’s eyes flick between her and the phone on the bed she's in and she doesn't know if she should believe her or not. But then she sees the older woman start to nod off unconsciously and it confuses her who this woman is. 

She's falling asleep in the same room as someone as dangerous as her, and from what she understood she's locked in here with her. 

‘Who is she?’

But before she falls asleep she rubs at her eyes and shakes her head to try and stay awake. 

“Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, my name's hiyodori, or you can call me Bulbel if you prefer, most people I know do” she watches as the other girl yawns again and tries her best to stay awake but she shifts and sways in her seat again and again before finally falling out of her seat and onto the floor with a heavy thump.

“Ow, I think I'm going to take a quick nap sorry” the woman's voice is husked and pained but filled with exhaustion.

‘Seriously, who is this?’ she frowns as she looks at the girl who is obviously sleeping on the floor now. 

‘Could she really be a hero? She really doesn't seem like one.’ She seems like a very careless girl who doesn't know when she's in danger.

It would be easy to just kill her and search her for a key and her not having the one to this room might be a bluff, but as she looks at her passed out form she thinks back to the league and all the quirky people they had that were just as odd. From Jin's mannerisms to Dabi's personality.

For some strange reason as the sound of the girls soft snoring fills the air she feels like she'd fit in with the league more than the heroes.

‘This feels like a very weird and strange dream’ 

Himiko bites her lip as she stares at her sleeping and vulnerable form and the familiar press of her fangs against her lips tells her she's still alive, very much alive, and strangely she feels full even though she probably hasn't eaten or consumed blood for a few days. She sighs as she looks at the phone by her feet before taking it.

She looks at how flawless and uncracked the screen is. It looks expensive and brand new, it's as if it was just made.

‘Why did she want to give me this?’ she presses the button on the side to turn it on and the default background makes her frown.

‘It doesn't even have a lock screen’ she swipes around the screen and clicks on the default apps to find anything that might be important, but there's almost nothing except a few basic apps she hasn't opened. 

‘It's completely blank?’ she would have thought there would be something important on it or anything, but there's basically nothing here. 

As she clicks around the phone again she sees it has service. 

‘Why would she give this to me if it had service?’ but as she thinks about it a thought starts to come to her that she doesn't like and she starts to search up the news. 

Tears begin to fill her eyes because of every new article title she reads. 

Tomura is dead, all for one is dead, kurogiri is most likely dead, Dabi would have been better off dead, everyone else is dead and captured and she's……

But as she looks at the news about herself she begins to cry.

She's……

‘Was in Unknown condition but has been almost definitively confirmed dead by most members of the hpsc and her body was likely already cremated’ 

She sniffles as she begins to read through every article she can and every single one fills in the blank of what has happened since her battle with Ochako. She sobs heavily as her throat tightens with every hiccup she has.

All she wants to do is throw this phone but the sudden sound of ringing pulls her from her thoughts. 

She looks at the caller id and she frowns in anger as rage begins to fill her whole.

‘Keigo!?!?!’ she glares at the screen and grips it so tight that the screen would have cracked already if it was her own phone.

So many emotions fill her eyes as she looks at his name and the strongest one is rage. She wants to kill him, no she will kill him. 

She declines the call and raises the phone to throw it as hard as she can at the wall, but the moment it leaves her fingers she watches as it doesn't fly the way she wants it to and spins a few times in the air before colliding against the wall and leaving a heavy dent in the wall, but strangely it doesn't fall to the ground or break.

She looks at the device floating in the air with awe and annoyance as it starts ringing again.

She looks down at her hand to see if she turned into Ochako just now but she doesn't see those pads on her fingers that belong to Ochako and she still sees her own hand.

‘Is her blood still in my system?’ curiously she puts her fingers together just like Ochako does and she watches as the phone plummets to the ground and skitters across the tile before hitting that girl in the face. 

“Hmmmh, ow” but the girl doesn't wake up even after that. 

She doesn't acknowledge her and looks at her fingers before frowning at herself. 

Then she concentrates and focuses on becoming Ochako and as her skin begins to morph into her it feels strange. There's a torrent of powerful feelings filling her whole body as she becomes like Ochako, and it all feels like too much for her. 

It's so overwhelming she feels like she is going to pass out because she's still too weak to handle it.

She forces herself to stop the transformation and revert back to herself. She clutches at her chest because these torrents of emotions are so strong and she's not sure if it's her emotions, or someone else's.

‘Are these Ochakos feelings? But why am I feeling them?’

Her mind hurts from everything that's happened and she can't think clearly because of this revelation, and the constant ringing she hears coming from that phone just aggravates her even more.

Now she wishes she didn't throw it because it's too far for her to reach and that phone is like a block of steel because of the dent it left in the wall without breaking, or even cracking. 

She sighs in annoyance and contemplates how she's going to shut it up, but before she can get far it finally stops.

‘Finally!’

She wants to bask in this silence but then there's a knocking at the door and she wants to scream because her head hurts too much. 

But the voice she hears from the other side makes her growl in anger.

“Bulbel?” As the door begins to unlock she does her best to try and get out of bed and pull the needle from her arm but a sudden bout of dizziness pulls her back down into bed. 

“Damnit” the door begins to open and she wants to rush over and strangle him for what he did but she's too weak and the sudden lethargy she feels makes her want to fall asleep again. 

But despite what her body wants she pushes through the pain to sit up as the door opens more and more, but just as she feels like she can go through with it her body revolts against her and she falls back into bed.

Darkness begins to take her again and she can't fight the urge to sleep.

“Damn…. It….” unfortunately she succumbs to sleep again and she doesn't know how long it is until she wakes up again. 

When she finally stirs awake again she has more energy now but not enough to move like she wants to. 

The first thing she sees is the familiar dark hair of that woman sitting next to her even closer and she seems more awake this time, but the man sitting in a seat across from them both makes her frown.

She wants to growl and stab him with something but her body is still too tired to move. 

“Himiko? You okay?” 

The way he calls her name with worry makes her angry. 

“Why do you care?” She sees an emotion fill that woman's eyes as she looks at the both of them warily but she doesn't care about it. She's too angry to care about anything else but the memories of what happened that day. 

Unfortunately that woman thinks they should be buddy buddy.

“I see that there's some bad blood between you two but-”

“Fuck off” the older woman looks dejected and hurt by her words, she looks away from her like a scorned puppy and she swears she can see her eyes watering. 

“Himiko please be nice to her” the way keigo is talking to her like they are anything besides enemies makes her furious.

“We're. Not. Friends. Stop it. ” with those words a long silence fills the air that none of them interrupt for a long time. 

As she takes in the silence she can't help the way her mind keeps thinking back to everything. 

Everyone she knows and loves is dead or imprisoned, and soon she'll be dead too. That's what this world wants from her, to be nothing but a monster they had to kill. 

She's going to-

“Oh, um how about Ochako? That's someone you love right? Wouldn't you like to talk about her?” that strange woman tries to give her a soft and comforting smile that she knows is her attempt to calm her. But all it does is make her glare at her before turning away. 

As the silence continues her emotions start to well up and the pain she's been using her anger to hide starts to leak from her eyes and she curses at herself because she can't stop herself from crying.

She sniffles as her tears leave burning trails down her face. 

“Himi-”

“I'm going to die soon aren't I?” She looks at both of their faces and the looks they give her make the sadness in her chest worse. 

“I don't wanna die ” the memory of her lying in Ochako's arms when she was dying fills her mind and a part of her wishes she did, at least she would have been with the girl she loves and not here, in this cage. 

In this….

“Himiko” she sniffles as she tries to glare at him but the pain in her heart is too great, it hurts too much for her to be angry. She cries as he speaks even though she doesn't want to listen. 

“This isn't a prison, you're on hpsc property, you're not in any danger” she wants to yell and scream at him because he's a liar and betrayer.

‘He's the reason jin is-’

“I promise you Himiko you're not going to die”

“Liar!” he shakes his head before looking at that strange woman again who has been nothing but passive this entire time. Then he stands up before walking towards them both. 

With every step he takes towards her she grows more fearful and the urge to fight burns in her chest, even as he stops right next to that woman she doesn't let her guard down. 

He takes a deep sigh before holding his hand out towards the woman named Hiyodori for her to take. But the way she looks at him with a deep sadness makes her wary of what her quirk is. 

“If I can prove to you that I'm here to help you, will you cooperate with us Himiko” she looks at what he's doing as the strange girl hesitates to be close to him and nervously picks at her pants with her finger nails. 

“I promise you I want to help you, just like I wish I could have done for Jin” those words make her feel angry and she wants to chastise him for using Jin's name like that, but she hesitates in telling him no because of something deep down inside of her that was touched by Ochako and her words during their battle. 

“I want to gain your trust Himiko” melancholy fills her eyes and she's hesitant to do anything but stare at the blank walls of this room that feel like a cage to her. 

He continues to try and persuade her and she doesn't want to listen to him, but some part of her won't tell him no and end this. 

A part of her doesn't want to fall into despair, Maybe it's because of Ochako and the words that she said to her that made it feel like all her pain was made lighter.

Ochako broke everything she believed in. For just a moment Ochako made the world a brighter and better place for her……

And her heart doesn't want to let that moment go.

“Himiko I know you don't like me because of everything I did, especially because of what I did to Jin, but I promise you your life doesn't have to end here, there's still people that want to see you again and wish you would live.” she sniffles and thinks of those people that did survive the war.

Dabi, Shuichi, Atsuhiro….. And the one person she wishes she could see again. 

Ochako.

Her red rimmed eyes look at him and the way he's holding his hand out to the woman with an unknown quirk that could be anything. This moment makes her think of Ochako.

Would she do the same for her? 

She doesn't even have to think of the answer because she knows in heart that it is already true. 

Ochako reached out to her despite everything and everybody telling her she shouldn't. 

Ochako is strange, but that's why she fell in love with her again.

She takes a deep breath as she holds that sliver of hope in her chest close, then she speaks and the words feel bitter sweet on her tongue.

“F-fine, if I get to see the ones I love again then I'll cooperate, for now” after she says those words keigo lowers his hand away from hiyodori and breathes a sigh of relief. The way the both of them relax tells her that hiyodori’s quirk must be that dangerous.

A part of her is curious what it is but another part never wants to find out because it would probably be used against her if it came down to it. She now realizes that being too exhausted to do anything might have saved her.

“Thank you Himiko, for trusting me” as he turns around to sit back in his chair her eyes go to the woman who's been oddly silent and passive this entire time. She doesn't know how to feel about her but if just the possibility of touching her makes keigo wary of her than what could her quirk be?

She said it wasn't an offensive one and it seems  to need contact with someone else so……

“Bulbel, you can put your gloves back on now, I don't think we need your quirk anymore” the dark haired girl who reminds her of her namesake lets a tension she's been carrying this entire time go and it feels like she's almost a different person.

They both watch as Hiyodori grabs what looks like black leather gloves from her pants pocket and slips them on.

A part of her really wants to ask what her quirk is but she is hesitant to because it could be extremely dangerous and she doesn't want to think about how she could die.

Keigo takes out his phone and goes through it and she can tell he's looking for something, but both their eyes catch the way Hiyodori can't keep herself awake.

“You can go rest now Bulbel I think we'll be fine from here” the tired looking girl nods to herself before closing her eyes and after a few seconds he corrects himself. 

“I didn't mean here Bulbel, I meant you can go sleep in the…….” 

But he gives up because it's too late and she's already fallen asleep. He rolls his eyes as the sleeping girl who looks like she is about to fall over at any second before grumbling to himself.

“You'd think someone older than me would be more professional” he sighs before typing something on his phone and the one Hiyodori gave her pings not long after he's done.

Himiko is wary of what he sent to her and reluctantly picks up the phone next to her legs before looking at what he sent.

“They're documents Himiko, it's a proposal for a deal the hpsc and me worked on for you”

“Deal?” The sound of hiyodori falling on the floor interrupts them both, but neither of them glance at her.

She looks at the documents he sent her and she frowns when she sees a glaring issue.

‘A minimum of ten years must be……’

“Ten years?” she scoffs at him because of how ridiculously long that is.

 “Are you insane? That's-” 

“The minimum anybody on the new board and anybody else would go, and even with my influence as president I couldn't get them to lower it without people that agreed with helping you wanting to step down or rescind their help” she looks down at the digital document and anger brews deep in her chest. 

“I'm sorry Himiko, I tried everything to get it lower, believe me, but the most anybody was willing to give you was a small chance at parole during that time, but I did manage to get something's in your favor, as long as you cooperate with everybody we can make a plea for more freedom for you” there's a long silence as she begins to fume even more and he sees how upset she's getting and tries to comfort her. 

“I'm not agreeing to-”

“Do you want to see Ochako again?” The moment he says her name she bites her tongue angrily. 

“She misses you dearly and because of how long you were asleep they declared you dead to put the public's mind at ease.” Those words make her eyes flick down to the date on her new phone and she sees that it's almost June.

June.

It has been almost a month since she died in Ochako's arms and the war ended.

She's been asleep for almost a month.

Ochako believes she's been dead this whole time and all she feels is a pit forming in the bottom of her stomach because of that fact.

She wants to cry and tell Ochako that she's still alive and doesn't have to miss her, but she can't.

Without even saying her feelings he already knows her answers to the question he asked. 

“If you accept this deal you can see her soon and if everything goes right I can keep you out of a prison” her eyes are filled with hesitation because she wants to see Ochako so much but this can't be the only way. 

‘There must be some other way’

He tries to comfort her in any way he can and try to convince her to take this offer because it's the only one she was given after weeks of heavy debate.

It may be the only chance she gets in this lifetime. 

Gentle and la brava’s actions during the war helped sway enough people and board members to think about giving villains another chance, and Ochako’s and his own accounts helped sway a few more of the board and powerful people to help as well, but ultimately it came down to one last persons help for them to be allowed to go through with this deal.

He's thankful for his help.

Himiko isn't getting another chance, not now, after everything that happened, Ochako, those two former villains and he may be the only reason she's not on death row or spending the rest of her life locked away.

The scales are tipped just enough in her favor, but at any moment it could fall the other way and it will be too heavy to lift up again.

“This deal isn't just for you Himiko, it's for everyone from the league that's still alive, and many more people will benefit from this, like danjuro, manami, Bulbel and many others” but the moment he says hiyodori’s name she becomes confused.

“Bulbel? What do you mean” he looks at her before down at the girl sleeping on the floor peacefully as if it's a comfortable mattress.

“She didn't introduce herself did she?”

“No, all she gave me was her name” There's a long silence where she is confused about what he means about this deal helping her and it's filled with him typing and swiping on his phone before he sends something to her. 

“This is one of the reasons why I wanted her here, Himiko. You two have something's in common and I thought she could help you”

She watches as a link to a news outlet appears in the messages of what is probably her new phone and she sees that hiyodori’s name is in the title.

‘An article?’

She clicks it and soon a page loads on the phone hiyodori gave her. She feels anxious about what it could be because of how hesitant he was to be near her earlier.

She begins to read about who Sakiko Hiyodori was over ten years ago, she apparently was a young girl and former rookie hero fresh out of shiketsu that wasn't very popular or good at her job because she was basically quirkless.

“She's a hero?” She doesn't see how Hiyodori could be a hero with how blind she is to danger and how she seems so meek and tired all the time. How could he deal help someone like her?

But as she keeps reading the image she had about the seemingly flippant and passive girl that was a hero starts to disappear…….

And be replaced with Bulbel, a young girl barely eighteen years old before she was convicted for the death of a top hero over ten years ago.

She feels like she just got a punch to the face and it makes her reread the article over and over again as her eyes flick across the screen to take in everything. 

‘Sakiko Hiyodori’s quirk was a seemingly harmless one, it was a quirk that lets her live through and keep an entire person's lifetime and memories at once when she touches someone, but it could also be done in reverse,‘ she pauses before continuing to read on, until she stops at a certain part. 

‘Whoever she touches will cause her to receive an entire lifetime of a person's pain and memories in a single painful moment and can cause her immense suffering during it, but under certain conditions she can do the same in return and share the pain and memories of the people or someone specific she has come into contact with to another person……’

‘And in some cases under certain conditions this can cause death, like with the former 10th hero-’

She stops reading there because her mind tries to take in everything that has happened today at once but all of it hammers itself into her mind one after another.

‘Keigo could have died earlier?’

'He was willing to go that far for me to trust him?'

Everything in her head is a jumbled mess she can't comprehend and it hurts so much, it's so overwhelming, but then one final thing cracks her skull open that she never even questioned until now. 

If she's alive, then where did the blood that saved her come from?

And who gave it to her?

"Himiko?"

"No" for a moment he's afraid she said no to the deal but then she corrects her words. 

"Not now, today's been too much, I need to think, I'm tired" he nods and decides to give her some space to process everything, but first he walks over to Bulbel and sighs at her sleeping form. 

"How the hell am I going to move her?"

Ochako Uraraka: 26

December 26th

As their lips meet again and again they both smile before pulling away from each other and giggle when they see how lovely the other is. 

“We should really get dressed, Suzume, it's been two hours now and I think we used a few weeks of water”  her frugalness is telling her the water bills going to be really high this month if they keep doing this, but she's having too much fun with her……. 

The words ‘her girlfriend’ rests comfortably on her tongue like powdered sugar and she desperately wants to say those words, but she knows she can't, because she isn't her girlfriend, she's……

Everything from last night and the last few hours finally hit her as her eyes roam Suzume's beautiful bare body as they lie in bed together with damp hair.

She finally processes that she hooked up with a complete stranger that looks almost exactly like Himiko, and she knows deep down she loves it. She stares into those beautiful amber eyes that look so achingly familiar and for the first time since that day her heart hammers with the urge to keep those beautiful gemstones to herself.

Her mouth tries to move by itself so she finally says those words she desperately wants to, but she holds back these words her heart wants to spill because of the doubt in her heart.

“Hmm? Ochako is everything okay?” but the sight of those beautiful bone white fangs tears those bloody words from her throat like her throat was slit by them.

“Suzume, I really like you” the way Suzume Himiko smiles because of her words is so beautifully painful.

“Me too Ochako , I like you too ”

Her heart hammers heavily in her chest and she isn't sure if it's because of Suzume's smile, or because hers reminds her of Himiko. 

They're both so perfect she can't tell them apart.

Her heart feels torn between these two feelings, her growing love for Suzume and the old and pain filled feelings for Himiko she never addressed for almost ten years.

They both hurt her head because she can't decide if these feelings for Suzume are real and not what she wishes she could have given to Himiko. 

But as Suzume Himiko nuzzles their noses playfully together and giggles happily both of those feelings come together and form one single thought born of pain and love. 

‘I want her’

Suzume.

Himiko. 

She doesn't care which one she is or isn't anymore, she just wants her. This beautiful girl in front of her that's wrapping themselves around her heart like the stalks of a rose bush, and if she is or isn't the same girl from almost ten years ago doesn't matter to her anymore.

‘Himiko or Suzume, all I know is I want to love the girl in front of me whoever she is’ if these feelings are because of her trauma, those strange feelings she's always had inside of her but never addressed before even with izuku or anything else she doesn't care.

She takes her beautiful lips into her own and it's heavenly.

“I think I….” she can barely speak because their lips fiercely meet again and again as they try to devour the other for what feels like the dozenth time today. They both haven't been able to keep their hands off of each other since Mina left, and she doesn't think they are going to stop anytime soon. 

‘I don't want to stop’ she feels an overwhelming pain in her heart that demands this girl's existence and she knows it's that longing for Himiko she's always wished she could give her but it's tinged with these feelings of love. 

For Himiko or Suzume she doesn't know. 

And she doesn't care.

“I love you” but the moment those words leave her tongue Himi/Suzu stops and pulls away from her. 

She's scared she said the wrong thing and she wants to apologize for messing up this moment they had but the moment she looks into Himi’s/Suzu’s eyes she freezes because of the tears she sees. 

Her mouth hangs open as words that she wishes to say try to pull themselves out of her throat but they feel like stubborn weeds that have grown roots in her esophagus.

But then Himiko’s/Suzume’s lips pull themselves into a beautiful smile so impossibly wide and so deeply genuine that those fangs she remembers from all those years ago gleam brighter in her mouth than freshly cleaved bone. 

That smile she remembers so well is just like the first time they met that summer, and the last time she saw her alive on that battlefield. 

The people she's known as Suzume and Himiko begin to shatter and meld into one single girl in front of her and there's no doubt about who is laying in bed with her. There's only one person who smiles so beautifully in this world, and there is only one person the girl in front of her can be because she is the cutest girl to ever live.

Himiko.

Himiko is Suzume.

I like Himiko.

I have feelings for Himiko because I have them for Suzume.

And they're both the same person

I love her.

And the next words she says only confirm these feelings in her heart because the way she says those words is just like that day in the way when she asked if she was cute.

“You love me Ochako?” As those words she always wished Himiko would have said leave Himiko's tongue her heart fills with a burning, agonizing pain that hurts now more than any other wound she's ever experienced, and at the same time, the greatest love and affection she's ever felt in her life because both of the girls she has these feelings that hurt to have are one in the same.

She can't stop the way she pins Himiko to the bed and stares down into those beautiful amber eyes she's waited for what felt like a lifetime to see again.

She wishes she could kick herself for not realizing and accepting this sooner because she was scared of her feelings, of loving someone that wasn't izuku or Himiko.

Of taking advantage of a stranger she didn't know. 

But that genuine smile that is all fangs and teeth and so beautifully wide only belongs to one person and she can't deny it anymore.

“Ochako?” the way Himiko calls her name from underneath her sets something off inside of her she can't control or extinguish as everything she's kept inside for the last ten years comes out for the girl she wishes she knew earlier and those feelings Suzume have her fan them even more.

“Ochako what's-” but Himiko doesn't get to say another word before her lips are on hers and now that she knows it's Himiko and that Suzume was her all along she tastes even sweeter. 

As their lips press into one another's the feeling of Himiko’s breath against her lips remind her that she's alive and has been alive all this time.

She's alive and in her bed, and she's kissing her just like she wants and......

The feelings she's kept locked away all these years break free from their cage and shatter the lock to pieces because now that Himiko is in front of her they can never go back. 

These feelings she's denied and tried to forget about for all these years until after met Suzume swell in her heart until it's ready to burst. 

Her lips kiss at Himiko’s cheeks, her nose, her tears, her ears, her chin, her jaw, her neck, her pulse, her collarbone, her shoulders, her chest, every part of her she can't stop herself from kissing because she is Himiko and Suzume.

She is the girl she wants. 

And even if she'll deny and lie to her that she isn't she knows that she is because nobody but her has a smile so beautiful.

“I love you more than anything………”

She wants to call Himiko’s name but she knows there's a reason Suzume exists and that Himiko has to be her, whether it's her choice or not she'll find out someday, but for now she'll love Himiko right now like she's always wanted to and the way she would have shown to Suzume. 

Even if she can't call her the name she wants to as long as she has her in her arms she doesn't care what or who she is or becomes because she is hers and always will be.

The single existence that she is is hers to love and hold close to her heart, no matter what shape or name Himiko takes she will love her like she always wished she could since that day.

Because absence makes the heart grow fonder…….

And it's been far too long.

“Yes, I love you, you're the cutest girl in the world after all” the way Himiko's breath hitches as their lips meet again means everything to her.

‘Himiko…….Suzume……’

‘I love you all the same’

‘No matter who you are’

???

December 27th

One day later.

“3….2….1….. And now we're rolling” the image begins to come into focus and the doors to the inside of an elevator starts to come into focus.

“Hehe, I hope they aren't too surprised when we show up, today's Ochako’s birthday, right?” the camera focuses on and out as she tries to get the focus correct.

“Yes my dear manami, and they should be spending the day together like the last time.” a deeper and more accentuated male's voice responds before the camera pans over to a taller more gentleman like figure before the camera focuses on him. 

“Aww, that sounds lovely, two lovebirds spending the day together, I wish we could do more stuff like that someday” there is a loud sigh from behind the camera as it's user goes through the filters and aspect ratios to find the best one to capture his image in this moment.

The bearded man gives the camera a soft look better reaching forward and a girl's voice can be heard giggling because of the way he pats their head affectionately.

“Perhaps when work settles down we can go to that new cafe you've wanted to see for a while dear” the camera suddenly goes off and raspberry pink hair bobs as she giggles to herself. 

“Thank you danjuro, you're always sweet to me” the white haired man nods and gives her a soft smile she hasn't grown used to even after all these years together.

“And the same for you my dearest darling” they both beam at one another as they exit the elevator and make their way to their targets door. 

When they finally arrive the taller man wastes no time and knocks gently on the door with soft rasps a few times before stopping. They both wait patiently for the two people they expect to see on the other side of the door and give them with a warm greeting.

“Maybe I should record the surprise on their face when they see us, it would make a great memory for……them……….”  but as she swipes through the apps on her phone to busy herself while they wait she frowns when she sees a news article, and a picture of the girl they came here to see with a familiar blonde. 

“Danjuro, maybe we should leav-” but before she can finish speaking the door to the apartment opens and they both see that the green haired boy they expected to see since last week isn't there, and she isn't surprised. 

“Happy birthday……dear……friend…….” the taller man's voice falls off into a pit as they both stare at the girl they expected to see and be with her Paramore of the last year, but instead they stare at Ochako Uraraka……..

And the deceased villain Himiko Toga holding hands with her like old lovers.

Chapter Text

“Momma let's go play today!” she gleefully giggles with a smile so wide it shows her missing teeth that still haven't grown in yet. 

“Of course honey anything for you” the older woman smiles at her pleasantly as the little girl swings around her new pail and plastic shovel happily.

“Yay!” The little and young blonde girl cheers as she goes to look for her father to take her to the playground with her mother.

“Every girl from here to Soho”

“Loves to tell me things I don't know”

“Beautiful and smart, and not good for me at all”

“Himiko, do you want to go to our usual spot after school? Me and Akiko really want to try the new flavors they got” her dark rimmed eyes wander over to her friend and she nods.

“Okay, I'll come too” they both smile at each other as the dark haired girl goes off to tell the rest of her friends. The stilted smile she was wearing falls away and she goes back to her work. 

‘She needs to ace this test, or else’

She rubs at the dark marks around her eyes and sighs before checking off another answer she hopes is correct, even after triple checking the last four for any mistakes she could have made. 

The sound of her friend laughing together with other girls far away from her rings in her ears and there's something deep in her chest that feels uncomfortable because of that joyful sound, but she pushes it down and continues to work, just like she always has.

Just like her mother wants her to.

'Her mother'

.........

As she opens the door to her home she hears the sound of someone she knows very little about humming to themselves as a TV plays in the background.

As she passes by the entryway to the living room she glances inside the room and sees familiar and long blonde hair similar, but more well kept than hers. But instead of lingering on them her eyes go to the smoke billowing from the small cigarette in between their fingers. 

She knows her younger sister isn't supposed to be smoking, but she decides to leave her alone and go to her room. 

She doesn't want to cause any trouble and doesn't want to get involved in her sister's business. 

She's had far too many times where it didn't go well for her when she tried, and all those times were when her parents got involved.

As she begins to walk up the stairs to go to her room she hears the door behind her beginning to open and her parents begin to walk in,.....

And she knows this won't end well for her.

..........

“Himiko what happened?” her tired eyes flick away from her friend and she tries to play off the bruise on her face as nothing, even though it still stings. 

“I just fell, it's nothing” she wants to say something to her friend, to tell her the truth, but she doesn't and the girl that's supposed to be her closest friend just nods and drops the conversation. 

“Okay, well you should be careful Himiko you don't want to ruin the looks you have” she doesn't know if her friend meant for those words to sting as much as it did, and she doesn't get to ask because the dark haired girls already walking over to her own group of friends without saying bye to her.

She scratches at her wrist and the bandages she's hiding underneath.

Her scars are itching again.

“Everyone is better than me, I think”

“You have a date next month Himiko” she looks at her mother who is making food at the kitchen stove and she frowns as her eyes flick to her sister who is typing carelessly on her phone as she slouches in the chair next to her. 

“Date? With who?”

“Our neighbors the Tanaka's son” she bites at the inside of her cheek as her mother begins to finish making the food and is preparing plates of the food she made. 

“But he's in high school” 

‘And eighteen’

Her mother turns around towards her and glares at her. 

“And?”

She shrinks under her mother's gaze and looks away from her as she tries to make herself as small as possible.

Then her mother brings two plates to the table and gives one to her sister before taking her own seat.

She frowns at the empty space in front of her as her sister and mother begin to eat their food, or try to before giving up. 

“Mom, you didn't give me a plate” she looks at the counter and sees there's nothing left for her. 

“You need to cut down on your weight, you've been eating too much lately” she bites her tongue as she watches her mother eat without her. 

‘I'm barely even 40 kg’s(88-90lbs)’

Her eyes sting because she hasn't been eating at school ever since Emi stopped talking to her weeks ago.

She hasn't felt like eating since then, but now her stomach begins to ache because she won't be eating nearly enough anymore. 

The way her mother eats the food in front of her like it's nothing makes her stomach hurt with a gnawing that gets stronger the more she eats without her.

She's hungry.

“Today I even thought I'd wear a dress”

“It's beautiful, so smart and no good for me”

Her eyes look at the beautiful red dress sitting in the shop window. The stunning red color is so beautiful, it reminds her of freshly spilled blood.

‘It's so beautiful, I'd like to wear it someday.’

But she sees how big it is and looks at her own reflection in the shop window. She sees her dark rimmed eyes and how small and thin she is compared to the dress, makes her sad to look at her pitiful self.

‘Maybe someday I'll be able to wear it. Maybe if I become prettier I'll be able to wear that red’

But the longer she stares at her own reflection the more that feels like a distant dream she can never reach.

As her stomach growls she bits her lip and turns away to go back home.

She hopes they didn't change the locks again. Last time she ended up sleeping in the backyard and she doesn't want to get soaked by the freezing rain again.

‘I hate the cold’

“Yeah, everyone is better than me, I think”

“Throw your hands up if you agree with me

As everyone of the older men suggest a game to play they suggest a game where they point to who they hate most in the league. 

Once they begin she raises her finger towards herself, because there's no one she hates more.

"I hate myself." She says those words with a smile that is completely genuine because this game was too easy for her. 

There's nobody she'd rather pick.

As the song begins to end her eyes flutter open and she takes a deep breath, the smell of hibiscus fills her lungs as she pulls the girl wrapped around her closer.

‘Ochako’s so warm and soft’

“Mph….. Suzume……” She hears Ochako mumble to herself before pressing a kiss to the top of her head that makes Himiko giggle.

“Did you like it, Ochako?” the girl in her arms nods as another song starts to play.

They both hum quietly to themselves as they bask in each other's naked forms as they listen to one of the playlists she made a long time ago. She wishes they both could stay like this forever in each other's embrace, just like that day during the war. 

But unlike then this moment doesn't have to end and there's no danger of death or fatal wounds between them.

Just the calm of each other's presence.

Neither of them have to die for the other now.

As her eyes close again to take in the music she smiles as she presses lazy kisses to Ochako's chest that make Ochako nuzzle against her.

She feels happy because there's no rush to do anything. No blood lust that makes her want to hurt Ochako, no drive of lust to show Ochako how much she loves her, no painful burning in her chest that makes her want to explode if she doesn't do something, no urge to make Ochako beautiful and covered in a pretty red. 

No it's just this peaceful calm between them that is calming to her. It's a feeling she's never felt before and the only thing that comes close is when she was with the league. 

The League……

She feels a sudden sadness overcome her, but pulling Ochako close soothes it away.

She still has atsuhiro and shuichi, not everyone is gone, and hopefully soon she can see them again.  

But then as the music begins to die down she hears the sound of an all too familiar and ominous sound of a music box begin to play from her phone's speaker and it feels grating on her ears because she knows what song it is. 

One she hates.

She curses to herself because she thought she deleted it from her playlists a long time ago but she doesn't know how it keeps ending back up in there, maybe it's because she always ends up listening to it after she ends up giving herself a few more scars. 

“Haruka tooi tooi mukashi makareta kubiwa”

“Hito ga hoshii hito ga hoshii to sakebu noroi no kubiwa”

(In the far-off, distant past, there was once a coiling collar.“I want people, I want people,” it cried, this cursed collar.)

She can't stop herself from pulling away from Ochako's embrace even though her body revolts against her decision and begs her stay in Ochako's embrace. She wants with her whole being to stay but instead she climbs out of Ochako's bed and over to the dresser to get her phone and shut it up.

But then she hears it, the reason she doesn't listen to this song anymore. Those cursed lyrics that always pull her back into her childhood, the most hated part of her life that not even those first few months after keigo saved her could rival.

“Ii seiseki desho nee nee ii ko desho. kawaii ko desho nee nee.”

(Nice grades, huh? Hey, hey, aren’t I a good kid? Aren’t I a cute kid? Hey, hey,)

Her body freezes when she hears those all too familiar words play, words that are too familiar to the ones she would cry to her parents wherever they looked at her like a monster. Ones she always kept in her heart, everyday she lived in that house.

Memories of her younger self being praised and held close by her parents before her teeth finally grew in play like a scratched record on a broken gramophone and she hates every second of it. But she can't do anything to silence the music she hears as those brief memories of the years she barely remembers of being loved clash with the decade of hate that came after.

Her mind is blank as the music fills it and she feels like she is in a magician's water tank as it begins to fill past her neck. 

She can't even hear Ochako calling to her through the sound of the music as fear rejection, anger, sadness, longing, and a pained feeling similar to nostalgia that feels like thorns in her throat and so much more broil and writhe in her chest like something living at the bottom of a dark and murky abyss, and its dark tendrils are dragging her down with it. 

All she wants to do is break her phone to pieces to finally silence this music that makes her live through so much pain everytime she hears it, but she can't, she can't even think for herself much less move even as she feels Ochako try and snap her out of this painful reverie.

All she sees and thinks about is her parents and how she always begged for them to love her and treat her like a human. But no matter how many perfect grades she tried to get, no matter how many dates with boys her mother tried to make her go on, or how perfect she tried to be in every way, it was never enough. 

It would never be enough for them to love her.

The memory of the times she would talk to Saito and try to get close to him burns painfully in her mind. She tried everything to be someone dear to him, but no matter what she tried to do or be to him it was never enough and she never could close the gap between them.

Not even when she did everything perfectly would he look at her.

And neither did her parents.

Everything came crashing down when she finally had enough, and she doesn't even remember what the final straw was that broke her that day. It could have been a thousand things that happened that day. But she doesn't remember which one it was.

All she knows is that it all ended finally when she stabbed the boy she believed she loved with that box cutter she stole from the teachers desk and took his blood for herself. 

Then not long after it was a woman's blood twice her age, then someone she barely remembers before another girl she only remembers because she looked good in a red dress.

She doesn't even remember how many it was that she hurt. All she remembers is the high she would get that made the pain go away for just a little bit.

But no matter how much she took from him and the others after, it wasn't enough to fill the emptiness inside, to calm the storm inside of her, to sate her desire for what she really wanted to be. Something her parents once gave her freely until her fangs grew in and that bird landed in their yard. 

Love.

But nothing will ever be enough for her.

She will never be enough, she……

“Himiko”

The moment she hears her name said that way she cowers away from the person that said it because all she can see is her parents yelling at her again. But then she sees it's just Ochako and there's fear in her eyes that makes her scared. 

She's scared Ochako is looking at her like a monster that needs to die, just like everyone else does, but as her ears slowly get used to the sound of Ochako’s voice and her pounding heart starts to calm down enough, she realizes Ochako is desperately asking if she's okay…..

Because her fangs are biting so hard into her lips she's bleeding and it's running down her jaw and dribbling onto the floor.

As her lips and fangs pull away from each other the pain she's in finally comes to her and it hits her like a truck. She can barely keep herself standing as her legs quiver underneath and she tries to use the dresser to steady herself, but instead Ochako catches her and helps her to the bed even as her blood smears across Ochako’s bare skin.

The next few minutes are a complete blue as Ochako helps her calm and she isn't sure of what Ochako's saying or doing until the blood on her face is cleaned off and Ochako is waiting patiently for the dozens of questions she's asked her the past ten minutes. 

But everytime Ochako speaks she isn't saying her name, the one she wants to hear, the name her parents gave her out of love when they still had dreams that she would be normal, a name that feels like a curse upon her and the world……

But even still it's her name, and she can't get rid of it even if she wanted to. She's always just wanted to be Himiko, just Himiko, a girl that everyone sees as normal and not a monster. 

She wants to be Himiko, not the murderer everyone knows or one of the world's greatest evils that everyone is afraid of, just Himiko. 

Herself.

With fangs that aren't ugly and a love that isn't wrong.

She wants to be the girl Ochako makes her feel like. 

A girl who is completely normal, fangs and all. 

“Suzume, do you feel okay now? Is there anything you want or need?” Ochako's hands dig into the bed sheet because she wants to desperately touch her, but she is scared of doing something Himiko doesn't want.

She wants to tell Ochako to hold her close so she can feel warm and secure in her arms. She's always wanted to be held like that because a part of her still aches for the way her mother used to hold her when she still thought she loved her. 

She's never been held once since then by anybody else except Ochako, and after the first time they did it during the war she's craved physical touch since. But she's never gotten it until last night, and the only thing that's come close in all these years is when Bulbel would tossle her hair with her gloved hands. 

But this ache to touch and be touched is just as bad as those years she never got enough blood, or the days right before she would get a vial of Ochako's blood that she would always leave on that old battlefield for her.

But even with all these things she can't pull the words from her throat and the more she tries to more her throat tries to close up.

Unfortunately she can't ask for what she wants but with Himiko's next breath she begins to take more deep and meaningful ones to help calm herself, just like she was taught to by Bulbel.

Then with the next inhale that fills her lungs full, she closes her eyes for almost ten seconds before opening them and letting it out, and with every breath she takes afterwards the tension leaves Ochako’s body and she relaxes with her. 

Ochako's probably seen this a thousand times because she's a hero and all the work she's done for people and kids like her, but right now Ochako can barely keep herself calm because it's her, Himiko. 

The girl she lost over 10 years ago.

The girl that is now just a single touch away after so long.

When she finally feels calmed enough to function she closes the gap between them and interlaces their pinkies together. 

It's not what she wants fully but just this single touch gives her an anchor to hang on to and ride out the rest of these emotions.

The way Ochako holds her finger close with her own tells her Ochako wants nothing more than to hug her and pull her close, and she wants that too. 

But they haven't seen each other in over ten years, and even then they were mostly strangers to each other who didn't know anything about the other.

Ochako doesn't know what she likes and doesn't or what her limits are, even after all these years, even if they are completely bare in front of each other they still haven't closed this gap between them. 

She knows Ochako's just being cautious so she doesn't make her spiral again, and it's sweet but not what she wants right now.

She tugs Ochako's finger a few times to try and  convey what she wants and it takes Ochako a second before she scoots closer to her. 

She wants to scoff a little bit because of how little Ochako moved and all this space still between them, but she refrains and decides to fuck it and let's herself fall against Ochako.

Thankfully Ochako embraces her like she wants and hoped she would. She nuzzles against her and the memory of her mother holding her starts to disappear and be replaced with Ochako, until a strange thought flickers in her mind even if she tries to quash it before it begins. 

She blushes when she remembers Ochako and her aren't wearing anything, but it just makes her smile more.

“Thank you Ochako” it takes Ochako a moment for her mind to catch up with her thoughts before she speaks.

“You're welcome, Suzume” Himiko frowns when she hears that name because it stings when it is on Ochako's lips and but hers, even if she picked it herself.

She shifts so she can pull Ochako into her arms and the moment Ochako knows she can touch her again she does.

But as Ochako's fingers dig comfortably into her skin she asks the question she's been thinking about since they left the shower and Ochako said those perfect words. 

“Ochako, why don't you call me by my name” she feels Ochako's padded fingers dig harder into her skin as she tenses up.

“Suzume….”

“My real name Ochako” Ochako's throat bobs as she swallows once before her eyes flick away once then look back into hers. 

“Suzume…. I'm…..”

“Ochako, it's me, my names-”

“I'm scared” she looks into those hazel orbs that avoid looking directly at her. 

“Scared of what Ochako?” Ochako clenches her teeth before sighing.

“I'm scared that if I……” Himiko leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Ochako's cheek to try and comfort her.

“It's okay if you don't want to say it right now Ochako” the dark haired girl looks almost relieved before tensing up. 

“Suzume, I'm….” finally Ochako let's it out and buries herself into Himiko's neck.

“I'm scared if I actually acknowledge it's you,.......”

“You'll…..” she feels tears against her neck and she knows Ochako is crying. 

“I'm scared you'll disappear, I'm-Im scared this is all just a dream and I made up Suzume because I missed you” Ochako's voice is quivering with every syllable she speaks.

“I'm afraid that I'll wake up and you won't be there with me. I'm horrified because I finally know what loving you is like, and I don't want to go back to when I didn't know ” Ochako's hands dig painfully into her back as tears run down Himiko's neck.

It hurts but not as much as seeing Ochako like this and even if she hasn't fully recovered from earlier she'll be okay, because Ochako's in her arms and she's in hers.

“I don't want to lose you again!”

“You won't, I promise”

“Please don't go!”

“I'll stay, always, I swear” 

“I love you!”

“Me too Ochako, I love you too” Ochako sobs and cries for what feels like an hour and her own mind starts to fray at edges but as they fall into bed with one another again they both start to calm.

And as Ochako calms she starts to drift off in Himiko's arms.

But Ochako has a few words to say before she does.

“C-can you sing to me? Please….”

“Himiko” when she finally hears her name it's like honey to her ears and a balm to the soul.

“Yes, anything for you Ochako” she opens her mouth to try and sing something she's heard online that Ochako likes but then Ochako shakes her head.

“I meant something you like Himiko. But thank you for that” Ochako expects her to keep going, but she pauses and looks toward her phone before pressing a kiss to Ochako's lips before going to grab it.

“I'll be back, I promise” she grabs her phone as fast as she can and rushes back to Ochako who is pulling her blankets over her naked form.

As she climbs into bed she pulls up the correct instrumental track and takes a deep breath before placing a kiss on Ochako's head as she rests her head in her lap. 

She doesn't believe Ochako will stay awake long enough to hear most of this but she'll sing it anyways.

It's something close to her heart because of the person that was just a stranger to her and the name they both share.

After she presses play she waits for the song to begin and sound of the melancholic piano to start. 

“I'm lost in your world”

“Looking for a purpose that belongs to me only”

She knows this song by heart and could recite it even with amnesia. It's a song bulbel sent to her during those years, she could barely even move or even breath while under the watch of the hpsc and everyone else that was watching and waiting for her to mess up.

As she sings the song that's grown close to her heart over the years she basks in the melancholy it gives her, she doesn't think it will be as cathartic for Ochako as it is for her. 

“Thought I would be satisfied”

“Seeing you content at the other side”

Memories of Ochako being happy with izuku appear in her mind and the feel bitter sweet to recall. But the present begins to melt them away with this sweetness she feels because of Ochako.

“But somehow I thought these crazy thoughts”

“That I deserve to be loved”

“I deserve to know love”

“We deserve to live in love”

Tears burn at her eyes as she repeats the lyrics she memorized, practiced, studied and spent years thinking of the meaning of, and even more she isn't entirely sure of them, but now all she can think of is Ochako as she sings them.

And as she sings it over and over again even though she's sure Ochako has fallen asleep long ago, she lets her tears fall and Ochako's presence in her lap comforts her. 

She repeats it over and over again and again until her voice is hoarse and her throat is soar, and even as her phone dies she sings until sleep begins to take her and she finally falls asleep around the girl she loves.

The very reason she found reasons to live in this world. But even if it's not perfect Ochako's shown her there's still beauty in it, and she wants to see what they are.

As Himiko finally falls asleep the dark haired girl sits up in bed and takes Himiko's phone before putting it to charge, and she presses one last kiss to her lips before pulling the blankets over them both. 

Then it isn't long until they begin to fall into slumber after so many draining things that came one after another. 

But at least now with Himiko sleeping next to her its peaceful. Even if she's still scared this girl she loves will disappear the next time she opens her eyes.  

“Thank you Himiko, my sparrow”

"I love you with all my heart, and I always have"

Chapter Text

Keigo Takami

24

“She should be coming tomorrow morning Himiko, she'll know you're alive by then” The feathery blonde man continues to write page after page of the, really long , letter in front of him Himiko wanted to make for her . 

‘Of course she'd make something like a confession letter this long.’

He looks at the work Himiko already did on her half of this stack of papers—that keeps getting bigger by the minute—and sighs because he still has a long way to go in order to fit in everything Himiko wants him to explain and everything else they need to tell the recipient.

Ochako Uraraka.

He flexes his cramping hand as his eyes flick over to the blonde girl sitting on the hard wooden floor in front of the small box TV not far from him. 

‘She's depressed.’

‘Well at least she's not in prison.’ He knows she must feel this place is still one even if there aren't bars on the windows and especially because she's constantly being monitored and tracked all day so she doesn't try to run away. 

They would probably have every hero in the nearest cities ready to go in case she tries anything if they could.

But even if this is all she gets and she can't set a foot off this property, yet, at least she's free to do anything else so long as she doesn't hurt anyone in any way or go against the terms they set for her. 

She even has a phone, if you count a specially made one that is equivalent to a support item capable of stopping a bullet. 

And so long as she doesn't go against the agreement—like admitting she's still alive and telling other people about the deal they have—she's free to use it however she pleases.

Maybe once they finish this letter he can buy her more furniture for her room, out of his own pocket of course.

He and the hpsc were only legally allowed to give her the bare necessities that weren't part of the agreement and he didn't have room to argue for more than this place.

An empty and newly built building on the outskirts of the city, without anyone else around.

This place was supposed to be part of some construction company's contract to help expand the city, but since the war ended it was abandoned and bought by the hpsc.

He rolls one of the balled up pages he messed up in his hand before aiming at the trash can that's already overflowing.

‘How did she get her part perfect without even trying? This has taken me a few days already’

Legally this isn't a prison and belongs to the hpsc, but it's the only thing they could offer her that wasn't a cell or somewhere Himiko likes to call ‘the grippy sock place’.

He sighs as he rips up another paper.

The nearest building to this place is over thirty minutes away, and it's an hour away from the main part of the city. 

He wants to curse because of how far away from everything she is. 

They are probably expecting something bad to happen to her and nobody will be around to save or help her. His thoughts go to the ever increasing scars she has that keep growing every week.

‘At least Bulbel will be here to watch her and keep her safe.’ Both of them are not going to let her off herself like those people are trying to force her to do. 

He just hopes no asshole leaks her location.

He doesn't want to force her or Bulbel to fight.

Just another month and he can try and make another plea for her, so long as nothing bad happens with her.

She only has one chance because of the people that put their trust in her, and he knows many people are expecting her to mess up so they can make an example out of her.

‘Lots of people are expecting her to fail, and most of the people that she does have supporting her are hesitant about it’

He grunts as he scribbles out another line he needs to correct but can't because he ran out of white out this morning.

‘I didn't know paper work could be such a goddamn pain in the ass’

He wants to ask how she feels about all this, but she doesn't talk to him much, she only really communicates with Bulbel.

Maybe it's because she reminds her of Ochako.

Ironic really considering her mother.

His eyes flick over to her tired form and how almost lifeless she is makes him sad.

‘Bulbel said she's been having nightmares again.’ he scribbles the margins for a moment before making himself focus.

‘She still needs a bed frame and a mattress instead of a futon on the floor. Maybe that will help her sleep better?’

He tries to tally up the cost of everything she needs on a spare piece of paper and sees it's becoming a decent amount. 

‘At least the salary of being the president of the hpsc is good, even if it's a twelfth of what it was before the war.’ and it's not like he has much of anything else to spend it on.

He takes a brief break from writing and watches her apathetically click through channel after channel while her empty looking eyes stare right through them all without any interest in what's going on. 

The only time she hesitates to change it is when someone mentions anyone from the league or it's about the war. She almost leaves it on an interview with the todoroki family, but when the questions move away from Dabi she changes it.

He wishes he could do something to help her, but she still hates him and he's still busy building up a good case for her to try and get more freedom.

He tears apart the newest paper he finished because he made twenty three mistakes.

He's been getting annoyed lately because he still has to jump through hoops for stubborn old men who still want to cling to their power, and some of the women he's met and argued with can be just as bad too.

‘At least she's taken a liking to Bulbel and they're friends now’ he rolls his neck and reflexively stretches his back muscles because sitting this long is starting to hurt and he isn't used to it, but when he doesn't feel his wings there like they always were before it stings his heart. 

He keeps feeling his phantom limbs even in his sleep and every time he looks in a mirror it hurts to see a part of him he's always taken for granted gone permanently. Not to mention the many times he's almost jumped out of a building because he keeps forgetting he doesn't have wings to fly anymore. 

‘Everything feels so slow now, it's almost driving me insane’ but he guesses it isn't a bad thing. He gets to see so many things he's always passed by like old family-owned shops he has never paid much attention to before and other things. Like people he would have never met while flying high in the sky.

A lot of people don't recognize him without his wings and because of the scars he has now.

‘I guess I've been moving a bit too fast through life more times than I realized, but I guess that's changing now,’ his eyes flick over to the young girl who rubs at her tired and dark rimmed eyes before yawning. 

He tries to think of something someone her age might like, that isn't a knife.

They already bought her a small one that can only be used for leaving small cuts. It was better than her constantly biting into herself and risking an infection. At least this way they know she isn't putting herself in as much danger as before. But it still makes him feel off about it, it probably wasn't the best decision to give her that, he's never really delt with this kinda stuff personally before.

He's also suspicious of some of the people who agreed to help her, they didn't forbid her from having anything sharp and pointy, and he knows it's because of her history of self harm that has been in her record since she was young—She would regularly wake up with bleeding bite marks when she was a kid, that her parents and councilors never properly addressed—and other reasons he needs to do some digging for.

‘She likes cute things, so maybe makeup? No, that would really upset her if it came from me’ He doesn't want to make her self conscious about herself by accident. If she wants to take that up herself he'd better leave that to Bulbel instead, she probably knows more about it than him, plus she's a girl too unlike him.

He doesn't know that much about makeup anyways. He's only used a few things before and he didn't use it to make himself cute like Himiko prefers things.

‘Maybe she would like a video game console? Maybe, though I don't remember her playing with Shigaraki or Shuichi when I did see those two play.’ He remembers shuichi wanting to play a shooter he doesn't remember the name of with him, but shuichi rage quit because he kept melee killing him.

Though he does find it strange it kept playing an animation everytime he did it though.

As he thinks he taps his pen a few times before stopping because that might annoy her and she already looks stressed enough.

‘An instrument? Maybe that one?’ Though he doesn't know what he would get her and he's read that she used to play one a lot in middle school, but it didn't say what it was. 

‘Maybe not that one’ he might make her upset with that choice because he doesn't know how she feels about possibly playing again, or why she started in the first place. 

It could have been because of her parents and he's not going anywhere near that topic without professional help.

He decides to just ask her directly.

“Himiko? Do you want something else to do? I know there's not much here but-” Then suddenly he hears her breath hitch and she drops the TV remote as her eyes go wide with wonder, and for the first time in weeks they fill with life. He turns to the TV to see what has got her so awestruck and he isn't surprised when he sees who it is.

Someone she loves.

‘Ah, it's Ochako.’ He watches the younger girl stare at the interview with Ochako with a pained but lovestruck look on her face.

She seems to be the only thing that fills Himiko with vigor and motivation to actually do anything. Though it's only now he notices she's been digging her thumbnail into her scarred wrist hard enough to leave an indent, but not break the skin.

Keigo grimaces because he remembers the first time he found out she cuts and bites herself sometimes when he was working with the league, and it's been getting worse now that the league is gone and a lot of the members are dead or dying. 

But he's glad she talks to Bulbel about it after every time she does it.

At least Bulbel's filling the role of her therapist, even if she's not very good at it, with her quirk until they can get one assigned to her, or at least find one that doesn't want to immediately quit when they find out who they are treating.

He's not sure he wants to pick at that wound without help, for either of them.

But when he sees tears start to form in her eyes he decides he should at least attempt to comfort her, somehow. 

Too bad he was an only child, it sure would have been useful if he wasn't. But he guesses that was a boon because of his parents and the hpsc.

“It will be okay, Himiko, you'll get to see her again, she's only a day away. She'll be really happy to see you again too” he's not sure if his words helped or not, he's really bad at this.

He turns back to the letter he's writing for that same girl and just as he's about to write the most critical of information he hears Himiko's apathetic voice hitch painfully in her throat and it draws his attention to her. 

His eyes look her over and he sees she's holding her hand above her chest like a deadly wound as she watches the TV. 

He wants to say something because she's biting her lip so hard it's bleeding. But he doesn't know what the right words are to say, and the most he does know is what to do is keep her wounds clean and non-fatal, and make sure she doesn't get an infection from them.

He's about to get up from the table to see what's wrong but then her next words confuse him. 

“ Keigo .....can you do something for me?” She usually doesn't use his name. She usually calls him an asshole or an insult related to birds. But how soft and pained her voice is makes him feel like something's wrong.

“What is it Himiko?” He watches and waits hesitantly as a pained expression overcomes Himiko before a few tears fall from her eyes. 

“Himiko? What's wrong? What is it?”

“Don't…..” his brow furrows and he tries to get up to do something, but he isn't sure what. The most he could probably do is wake Bulbel to help her.

But then her meek and tired voice filled with apathy and pain says words he can't believe are coming from the girl who's whole existence revolves around love.

“Don't let Ochako know I'm still alive, please” 

His brow furrows as he thinks over the strange request that he doesn't like.

“Himiko? I thought you wanted to see her-”

“I changed my mind, she doesn't need to know I'm still here…..” her eyes become downcast as she turns back to the TV and whispers so quietly he could barely catch her words.

“...... And still a problem for her”

He is concerned and looks to the TV for answers and then it finally hits him. 

On the TV is Ochako helping out with rebuilding as the interview goes on and Izuku is there too, and Ochako's smiling as she talks with him. 

“Himiko you don't have to-” 

“She's better off without me dragging her life down! ” she yells at him but her eyes are still glued to the TV.

To her .

He wants to tell her that this isn't a good decision for either of them if she goes through with this even if it would be easier to make, he's concerned she isn't taking Ochako's feelings into account. But then he sees the pained expression Himiko has when she looks at the TV. It's then he understands the emotions that are driving her to make this choice. 

Envy, and fear.

‘She's jealous and it makes her scared’ 

She told him it never bothered her before when the people she loved would love other people, especially because everyone else's way of love was different than hers. 

But Ochako responded to Himiko's love in a way no one's ever done before, and it seems that because of that now her feelings about Ochako have changed. 

‘This must be the first time she is experiencing this type of love, one that she isn't used to. One that she wants to keep to herself and protect like a bird would its eggs and mate’

‘Maybe it's actually the opposite, she's thinking too much about what Ochako might feel’ and he doesn't think the problems she's been having with her quirk are helping how she feels.

He knows she's having trouble turning into other people now, if not completely incapable of it anymore, and she refuses to even go near the idea of trying to become Ochako.

The person she loves the most right now.

‘Something happened with her quirk and she doesn't want to share it, not even with Bulbel.’

Maybe the way she loves Ochako is making her quirk act up?

He puts that thought and discussion for later when she can receive enough blood.

Instead he focuses on those words that he knows hurt her to say.

Maybe she's scared to face Ochako because what she feels for Ochako isn't a manic, all consuming infatuation like before with other people and their blood.

No, from what he's seen her feelings are an unconditional, and genuine love.

A love for Ochako herself, and he knows it's as close to unfettered romantic, and so many other types of love, as it can be because of that look in her eyes whenever she sees anything related to Ochako.

It's soft and somber, yet like an ember that won't go out and is warm like the sun. 

‘I guess Himiko's rubbing off on me’ he's usually not one for flowery stuff like that. Usually he keeps most of his relationships to a one night stand, except for when he started to sleep with dabi, for personal reasons, not because he was trying to get information. 

He doesn't want to think about that now and the feelings that come with it because dabi might not have long left.

It could be a few years, or only a day away.

‘Hopefully her feelings won't be unrequited, I hope’ though Himiko's words about Ochako confessing her feelings for izuku narrow that possibility down and make him feel worse. 

He knows she's fallen in love with Ochako, and she doesn't know how to handle it. Most of the times she described what her love was like for others it was more like infatuation and obsession. 

But with Ochako she's hesitant even at the thought of going near her even though her body and heart crave her existence.

‘It must hurt that she can't be with Ochako like she wants to be.’

He knows she wants Ochako more than blood, and from her discussions with Bulbel she yearns for Ochako that way physically too. Unfortunately she was never taught how to deal with those kinds of feelings in a healthy way. 

She's admitted to hurting herself instead of trying to resolve them before. He just hopes Bulbel can get through to her before she does something worse, or at least keep her stable enough until she can get someone who can.

He sighs as he watches her rub at her tear stained face. 

It's hard to think about what she's been through and done when she's barely eighteen. His eyes trace over her almost sunken eyes and pale complexion and how different she looks compared to with the league.

People she loved.

‘Maybe she's scared she'll lose Ochako too, and it will be all her fault’

He understands why she wants to do this now and run away and hide instead of facing Ochako. She must be scared out of her mind because of these new painful feelings inside of her and what they want from her, especially after losing so many people she's loved.

He wants to tell her she doesn't have to run and hide. 

But he can only watch as she switches the channel when Ochako starts to talk about her.

‘I don't have the right to tell her how to live’

He wants her to go back and watch the rest of Ochako's interview and see why there are people that believe she isn't a monster. But he can't make decisions for her, so instead he continues to finish the rest of his part of the letter.

‘Maybe she'll change her mind tomorrow’

As he finishes the page he's on he decides on what gift to give her. 

Something cute and something she's able to hold close, and not alive like an animal so she doesn't risk relapsing.

A plushie.

He remembers she used to have a few of them she made herself but he only heard about them from the other league members. 

He has no idea where they are now but he can at least try to give her a new one. 

He's just not sure if it should be of Ochako or not.

He taps his phone next to him to see the time and it's about time she got her dose of blood.

‘I hope four cups a week is enough for her, for now’

It's less than she's used to but it's all he could secure in the agreement.

And when he hears her phone ring to signal it's time he sets the pen he's using down and watches as she goes to the fridge to take her blood. 

But the way she apathetically swallows the small amount of cold blood from a complete stranger tells him she's not happy with this, part of the agreement. 

But even still she refuses to ask for Ochako's blood.

When she's done he sees she has a bit more energy and liveliness to her, but it's barely noticeable. 

The first thing he needs to do is find the right amount of blood she needs and make sure she gets it.

Himiko Toga: 18

Date:???, 01:34

“Himiko?” as the cold wind blows through the night sky her exhausted eyes turn to the newcomer on the roof. 

‘It's Bulbel’ she turns away from the older dark haired woman and continues to stare out at the empty space surrounding her prison and the far off glow of the city. She expects Bulbel to start questioning and asking why she is out here in the middle of the night and sitting on the edge of the roof. 

They both already know why. 

But instead the rookie bartender sits down next to her and doesn't say a word. 

The scathing and upset voice she expects to come from her doesn't and instead Bulbel remains quiet.

‘Why isn't she yelling at me, or trying to tell me life is worth it?’

She doesn't understand her at all. 

Himiko takes a breath and looks away from the full moon hanging high in the sky and down towards the shadowy ground beneath her. 

Just the sight of the abyss beneath her is enough to make her stomach turn. Unconsciously she starts to lean forward towards it until she hears Bulbel speak. 

“Is this what you want Himiko?” She freezes and pulls back away from the edge as fast as she can before looking at the dark haired girl who reminds her somewhat of Ochako. But they are so different from each other. 

‘Why are their eyes so similar yet so different?’

“Why aren't you stopping me? Isn't that your job?” she frowns as Bulbel looks away from her. “Aren't you supposed to be a hero?”

But there's no answer from her, instead of trying to talk more with Bulbel she takes a deep breath and braces her foot against the outside of the ledge.

‘She's not going to stop me so why not just do it?’

But then Bulbel speaks and she almost slips and it makes her pull further away from the edge.

“I remember the last time I came out to a place like this”

“You….?” It takes her a moment to calm down before she finally gets it and she feels sorrow for her friend.

“Oh……” The air between them is silent as Bulbel only smiles before looking at the moon. 

“It's okay, I don't really care that much about my past” she looks at the girl who spent years in prison after barely turning eighteen with confusion. 

‘How can someone live through what she did and still smile?’

And she's expected to go through something just like it. 

‘I don't get her at all’

“How can you do that?” Bulbel looks at her with confusion.

“Do what?” Bulbel looks at her with a blank stare and she rolls her eyes. 

“Nevermind” she tries to look down at the ground again to prepare herself but something deep inside of her is scared of doing it, and her heart seems to be calming because of Bulbel's presence. 

“You still want to live” she bites her tongue before glaring at this confusing woman. 

“Of course I do!” tears sting at her red and vein filled eyes. 

She hasn't been able to sleep peacefully once since coming here. All she can dream about is waking up in a cell or on that battlefield again. 

She hates it.

“You're tired of fighting just to live” Bulbel's words make her angry.

“ Yes ”

“You're sick of every second of your life being nothing but suffering and you want to just live in peace” with every word she says Himiko gets more emotional, and she feels like she's reaching a breaking point

“Yes!”

“You just want to be happy”

“ Yes!......” but she freezes when Bulbel looks away from her with a look she's never seen before, not even when she still called her rude names. 

Melancholy.

Sadness .

She doesn't even have to think to know these words don't just apply to herself.

“That's……that's how you feel isn't it Bulbel?” She watches as a stray tear falls from the older woman's face and she nods.

“Yes, it is ”  

“...........”

“Then how can you be so…… happy ?” she wants to know what keeps her going through it all. From being imprisoned since eighteen to her quirk that causes her so much pain.

Finally that ever lasting smile fades away and she feels like she's going to see the real Bulbel that she's hides from everyone. But as tears spill down the woman's face her lips turn back into that same old smile. 

“Because……” Bulbel's breathing stops for a moment before she lets out a pained giggle.

“The truth is…the real truth that I haven't told anybody, even my family or Keigo is, it's because I don't have to spend every waking second in pain now like I used to” those dark eyes look towards the moon hanging low in the sky and Bulbel tells her so much without even saying anything else.

She looks away from her and thinks about her answer and the meaning of Bulbel's quirk. The one bulbel insists on even after all the pain she's been through.

“I'm sorry, we're supposed to be talking about you and how you feel, Himiko. I shouldn't be talking about myself at all I'm sorry” Bulbel sniffles and gives her a small genuine smile.

“What do you want to talk about Himiko?........You've been practicing again right? I heard you the other day” bubel gives her a comforting smile despite her tears.

“You sounded very beautiful Himiko”

She nods as a small embarrassed blush forms on her face because of the compliment she received. Only Ochako has said something nice like that to her. 

But as she tries to process how strange it feels to not be ridiculed or scorned by someone that is her friend, her eyes look down at her lap and she sees that her hands are shaking and digging painfully into her thighs. 

‘Oh, I'm fucking scared!!’

It's only then as her eyes glance towards the dark abyss in front of her that she realizes what she was thinking of doing just now. She scoots away from the edge that Bulbel is still sitting almost carelessly on as fast as she can as her heart pounds in her ears. 

‘What the fuck was I thinking!?!?’

Her breaths are rapid and panicked now that she's nowhere near the ledge and fully realizes what she was doing. She does her best to steady her shaky breathing.

‘I could have….. Damnit!’

But even though her heart hammers in her chest like a jack hammer and it feels as heavy as lead, she's thankful Bulbel helped talk her down from actually doing it. 

In her own odd way.

Himiko wipes at the tears in her eyes and begins to stand up to go back to her room.

‘I want to go back to bed and cuddle mini-chako.’ She feels exhausted and scared after tonight, at least she has a warm and safe bed to sleep in. Hopefully she can calm down by the time she get back to bed.

She wipes at her eyes as she tries to leave, but Bulbel still has something to say to her.

“Himiko?.......... Do you still want to talk after this?” Himiko freezes in place and for a moment she doesn't say anything as what happened tonight finally settles in her bones. 

“......., yes ……. but tomorrow Bulbel, I'm tired” Bulbel's eyes flicker down to the fresh marks on her wrist that she made with her teeth while she was asleep last night.

She feels self conscious about them and rubs at these still fresh marks as she walks away, but not before saying one last thing to her friend.

“Maybe we can talk after tomorrow too. Keigo said that I'm getting an increase in blood starting tomorrow.” Without turning around to look at her she can tell bulbel nods at her while she walks away on shaky legs back to her bed. 

Those dark thoughts still stir in her head and maybe she's just delaying the inevitable but something in her talk with Bulbel helped her want to keep going, even if it's just for a little bit and will probably be gone by tomorrow morning.

‘Thank you Bulbel, at least for today’

And now that she's with Ochako she's glad she did.

Ochako Uraraka: 26

December 26th

“🎶 Hmmm, Hmmmmm 🎵” with every chop of the knife the cloves of garlic split in half on the chopping board then fourths then dozens after that. 

“That when I talk to you, oh, Cupid walks right through”

“And shoots an arrow through my heart”

As she hums along to the music she uses the flat wooden spatula to stir the sauce as she adds one ingredient after another into the mix until it's almost perfect.

“And I sound like a loon, but don't you feel it too?”

As she finishes with the rice she moves on to the omelette and carefully uses the chopsticks to shape it correctly as it cooks. She's only made this a few times but usually she messes up at this part, but as she stares at the perfect golden yellow omelette in front of her she smiles to herself. 

“ What's a girl to do?”

“Lying on my bed, staring into the blue”

“Unrequited, terrifying”

As she finishes preparing each of the two dishes until they are as close to perfect as her novice self could manage she hums happily as she brings them both to the table.

“Love is driving me a bit insane.”

After she finishes cleaning up the counters and setting the dirty dishes to wash she walks to her bedroom and to the sleeping girl still resting on her bed. 

“ Confess I loved you”

She lowers her voice and sings softer the closer she gets to the sleeping form of the smaller woman, and when she's close enough she leans over her and presses a kiss to her soft check. As her lover from last night begins to wake up she takes the earbud out of her ear and sings the last of the lyrics to the girl who's engraved herself into her heart as those beautiful amber eyes flutter open.

“You know I've loved you from the start~”

As Himiko's eyes get adjusted to the evening light and the fog of sleep lifts from her mind the dark haired girl above her hums a calming and familiar melody that pleases her. 

“Good morning~, I made some food for us if you want some” Ochako watches intently as Himiko lets out a deep yawn that stretches her lips past her teeth and her heart fills with so much affection because of those fangs. 

‘I want to kiss her.’

Himiko licks her dry lips and swallows once before sitting up and rubbing at her still tired eyes. 

“What time is it Ochako?”

“Evening, around three” Himiko thinks for a moment before groggily looking for her phone on the bed. 

“I put your phone on my charger, it's on the bedside table” those beautiful golden eyes similar to honey look towards the small wooden furniture—that she's had for a few years now—and nods before climbing across her stark white sheets and faded pink blankets to retrieve her phone.

If she's staring at Himiko's naked form while she moves across her bed she doesn't admit it, to anyone but herself that is.

‘Yep, I'm definitely not as straight as I thought, I probably should have known when tsu said I made out with her on our graduation night.’ 

At least that's what tsu says she remembers them doing before they passed out in her room. 

‘I was really drunk that night and dont remember much or if that's really true’ She does trust tsu to be honest but she really doesn't remember anything about that night. 

She also has this nagging feeling in the back of her head that they did something else as well that night but she can't remember what it was.

Ochako smirks to herself because last night was a very fun way to find out she's definitely bisexual, and she's glad it was with Himiko. 

But she feels a sudden melancholy when Himiko sighs at her phone before turning it off.

“I missed my shift and I need to take my meds soon” Ochako feels a bit bad for making Himiko miss work and knows Himiko should really take any medication she needs, but then Himiko sniffs at the air, filled with the smell of rice and egg then smiles.

“Is that…?”

“Omurice, I thought you'd like it, um, we can eat together and you can go get your meds afterwards” she doesn't want to be separated from Himiko but she can't cling to her every second like a leech…..

Even though she wants to.

But instead of answering her, Himiko climbs towards Ochako before leaning in to kiss her, and she does the same unconsciously until their lips meet briefly.

“It's fine Ochako, I can go one day without them-” but then they both hear Himiko's phone ping before there's a knock on Ochako's front door and Himiko frowns before mumbling to herself.

“Speak his name and he'll appear”

“Himiko? You okay?”

“Nothing, it's just my brother, he usually knocks a certain way to tell me why he came, that one means it's about my meds” she looks into Himiko's golden eyes and sees a vague resemblance between them, if being blonde with sharp golden eyes counts.

'Maybe they are related?’

“Is Keigo really your brother?” Himiko shakes her head before correcting herself. 

“I mean, guardian?, I think? No he's……” But Himiko goes silent when Ochako takes her chin between her thumb and pointer finger so she can look deep into those beautiful eyes she's fallen for. 

‘She's probably been Suzume for a long time, and she probably still will be’ memories of their battle flash through her mind as she looks into those golden eyes she spent years remembering with only tears in them. 

A stray thought wiggles into the back of her head. One that says these feelings she has for her is only because of her trauma.

‘No, it's not’ but that nagging thought I'd still in her head as she stares at Himiko resting her jaw in her fingers so naturally.

She decides to test something.

“Suzume?” She watches the smaller and longer haired girl frown when she says that name. 

‘She doesn't like it when I call her that.’

“Himiko?” but when she calls her that name Himiko's cheeks fill with a deep red and her eyes flutter closed for a moment. 

Something about this moment makes something strange form in Ochako's heart. One that makes her want to praise Himiko.

She doesn't hate it though.

She decides then that she'll keep referring to her as Himiko when they are alone, even though Suzume's name still rests on her tongue and her fears wrap around it. 

But even though she's scared to look away from Himiko or say her name, she does, because she's tired of being afraid. 

From her own feelings, from her failure to save Himiko that day, from letting others into her heart, from so many things. 

She may not be able to undo all of the walls around her heart, but she knows they are there now. 

Izuku, Himiko, Mina. A lot has happened lately for her because of them, and even though it's painful, maybe it was for the better…..

Maybe. 

She does miss izuku, and what they had, and what her and Himiko have now probably won't be anything like that relationship, but that's okay. 

She'll be okay, and Himiko will be there with her no matter what happens between her and Himiko, even if it can't always be romantic between them they'll always love each other, one way or another.

She's spent almost ten years without Himiko and her absence has made her heart yearn and ache for her ever since then and now she has this feeling inside of her that is greater than any fondness could be. 

But as Himiko starts to get dressed again she feels another painful ache in her chest, she clenches at her chest because it hurts and she doesn't know exactly why.

It's only when she watches Himiko steal one of her shirts that she realizes what it is.

She's becoming Obsessed . 

As the door to the apartment opens she knows it's an older blonde man this time on the other side of the door, but as it opens she's surprised to find it's not Keigo, again.

‘Really, I'm going to scream if this happens again’

Instead It's Bulbel and she's holding a small fabric bag in one hand as her other one makes a peace sign at them both. 

“ Hello Suzu, how are you? I see you have company~ ” 

‘It's bulbel’ she smiles at the older woman who's done so much for her, but then she watches as Ochako closes the door in her face like it was nothing and it makes her frown.

She's curious why Ochako did that, that was really rude. 

“Ochako? That was Bulbel, my boss” Ochako's eyes flick to her for a moment before an embarrassed and guilty blush forms on her face and she realizes what she just did without thinking. 

“Oh! Sorry Himiko I don't know why I did that” but even with her apology Ochako reluctantly opens the door again but not without unconsciously glaring at Himiko's old friend. 

‘Ochako's acting weird, and she's doing it unconsciously’ does it have something to do with bulbel?

But after the door opens Bulbel's eyes flick over to Ochako and she smiles genuinely at her despite the cold reception she got. 

“Hello there, nice to meet you, My name's Bulbel, I heard you were the one to take Suzume home last night” Bulbel holds out her hand for Ochako to shake and she notices Bulbel isn't wearing any gloves.

‘She's been wearing them less often since a few years ago.’

Himiko is reluctant to let Ochako touch her because of the possible danger with Bulbel's quirk, but Ochako's already shaking her hand before she can do or say anything. She sees a look of understanding pass through Bulbel's eyes as they touch before they let go of each other's hands.

She's suspicious of how much Bulbel saw just now about Ochako, but it mustn't have been much because she's not convulsing in pain and throwing up on the floor like she would before, and neither is Ochako. 

She's glad Bulbel has learned to control her quirk better. She's always been a kind and affectionate person, but always lived in fear of touching someone else.

Unfortunately it makes her feel envious because she still hasn't done anything about her own quirk.

She needs to tell Ochako about what's been wrong with her quirk for the last ten years, and why it's because of her.

“Here ya go Suzu, keigo asked me to bring this and your meds to you since he heard you went home with someone cute and knew you wouldn't be going home today” Himiko nods at her boss and reaches out to take the bag that contains her meds, but then she freezes when she hears Ochako speak and sees how Ochako is treating Bulbel with suspicion. 

“I'm sorry miss, but you look really familiar for some reason, I think I know you from somewhere, maybe?” For a moment she's scared Ochako will judge her friend because of her past and why she went to prison, but then she hears Bulbel speak.

“Hmm? Oh I think I know what it is, you're an Uraraka right?” Ochako nods and looks at Himiko with confusion because Bulbel's suddenly smiling at Ochako like she's met an old friend again. “I've wanted to meet you for a while”

“Me?” Bulbel nods happily and neither of them know why she's so happy or what she means.

“I've wanted to meet you since I heard you became a pro hero” Ochako looks Bulbel over once then frowns.

“Why would you want to meet me? I don't think anybody knew who I was when I started, unless it was because of the war” Ochako looks a bit uncomfortable because of what Bulbel said so she laces her and Ochako's fingers together to comfort her.

“Oh sorry if that sounded wrong, I just wanted to meet you because my mother used to talk, about you a few times ever since you got into UA and I've heard many things about you over the years, especially from a certain someone” she knows Bulbel's talking about her at that last part.

Bulbel’s words to them are calm and relaxed but  confuses both of them equally. Himiko tries to put the words she just heard together again and again but her brain just doesn't understand what bulbel means.

‘Her mother knew about Ochako that long ago?’ she's never heard her mention anything about knowing Ochako before now, or maybe she did and she didn't notice it at the time?

“What do you mean by that?” They both look at Bulbel with confusion because her words don't make much sense and it feels like she isn't giving all the context to them. 

Ochako looks a bit uncomfortable now because of Bulbels strange words and she tries to comfort her by pulling her close, but Ochako almost shirks it off until she eventually lets her in.

‘Maybe I should ask Bulbel to leave because Ochako is starting to get upset’

“Why would your mother talk about me when I was that young?” Bulbel looks at Ochako and her both with confusion equal to theirs as Ochako tries to back away from the older woman who makes her feel uncomfortable with her strange words.

But for some reason all of this makes Himiko think back to when she first met Bulbel all those years ago, and how she was just a complete stranger to her that seemingly came out of nowhere.

‘Why did Keigo pick her to help me anyways?’ She always assumed it was because of her quirk and past that she could relate to her, though she could be unprofessional and wasn't very good at a lot of things. 

But now that she thinks about it he never told her exactly why.

Now she suspects it has something to do with Ochako, and why she's always been reminded of her when she looks at bulbel.

“Oh, sorry that must sound a bit weird because you don't really know who I am” Bulbel looks disappointed at this revelation but it just seems to make Ochako even more uncomfortable, even if it's not on purpose.

Ochako bites her tongue as she looks at the older brown haired woman who looks unbothered by Ochako's suspicious glare at her. 

Himiko wants to calm this situation between them so they don't start something she doesn't want to happen, and so she can finally ask Bulbel what she is talking about.

“ Bulbel ……..” Ochako's voice is almost hesitant as she speaks. “What's your last name?” Ochako's eyes narrow on the dark haired girl and look her over again and again like there's something the both of them aren't seeing even if it's right in front of them. 

Strangely, Himiko can see some familiar features between them now that they are side by side, but there's only a few, and they are small and almost unnoticeable, unless it was her who had spent far too long staring at Ochako's pictures over the years. 

Small details like their hair and eyes being both brown, though Bulbel's hair is more of a grayish brown and her it's messy but well kept compared to Ochako's straighter (even if she isn't) hair. 

Were her eyes always round and soft?

“Oh, sorry I should have used my birth name when I introduced myself, it's Sakiko Hiyodori , but my family usually just calls me saki because it sounds like sake(alcohol), and y’know, I own a bar so it fits” Himiko thinks about her name and she doesn't see anything that special about it that answers anything, she thought it was just an average name when she first saw it over ten years ago.

‘It sounds like a pretty common enough name, despite the pun’

But Ochako seems to insist on being suspicious of her boss and friend for some reason.

She hoped they could get along but the way Ochako is standing between her and Bulbel now even if it's not directly tells her that's not going to happen. 

‘Ochako's becoming protective of me, I thought I would be happy when this happened’

Instead It makes her sad, even if Bulbel is acting strange around the girl she loves.

“I don't think you need to keep asking her questions Ochako, you can stop now, please ” but unfortunately she can't seem to get Ochako to listen to her and she can feel an argument begin to brew because Ochako's becoming scared.

‘I just want this to stop’

“Ochako that's enough please-” but Ochako doesn't hear her meek voice and gets even further in between her and Bulbel.

“What's your mother's surname, Hiyodori ?” Ochako's voice is starting to get defensive and there's something similar to anger starting to form beneath the surface when she asks that question. 

Himiko sighs with exasperation as she tries to pull Ochako somewhere else. She's sure Bulbel would understand that now's not a good time to talk.

But then Bulbel thinks for a moment about her answer before saying her next words like it's the calmest thing she's ever said. 

“Oh, it's Ura—”

And like that all the tension between them dies with those words and is replaced with confusion, and for Himiko a blank mind as she tries to process Bulbel's words. 

‘She's…..’

Chapter Text

Ochako Uraraka:18

March

The sound of soft music playing from the stereo Jirou leant them is dulled to her ears as she swallows cup after cup of cheap liquor and fruity wine momo made with her quirk.

She's drinking so much because she has been having nightmares again, she just wants to get drunk tonight so she doesn't think about them.

Today's supposed to be a happy day, but she woke up crying this morning and now she's drowning her sorrows in a lake of cheap booze.

At least tsuyu is here to comfort her. 

The dark haired girl next to her sighs as ochako finishes her tenth cup and leans against her bedframe with the person next to her.

Her closest friend that she tells everything to.

Tsuyu.

After swallowing the last of the 3rd bottle between them she lets out a sonorous laugh as she cuddles affectionately against her closest friend. Tsuyu smells like fresh pears and lake lilies and the softness and warmth she feels from her makes her really happy, and also really horny. 

Ochako giggles before pulling the other girl's blurry face close before leaving a kiss on her all too soft cheek. She giggles as tsuyu tries to tell her something but she's too busy still dwelling on her nightmares. 

It's about Himiko again, and the sad man's death parade. A part of her wishes the memories she has of Himiko, weren't becoming more distant with each night she dreams of that battle.

A part of her wishes she could forget it all, but she can't, because that would mean forgetting Himiko.

All she can do is laugh and sip at the cheap booze that tastes like piss.

Tsuyu tries to tell her something but she doesn't understand what the other girl is saying to her. It makes her laugh though, even if deep down it hurts more than anything to keep smiling as that parade still marches in her head. The lingering memory of the girl she wishes was next to her feels bitter anymore. 

It still hurts.

‘She's not her, the girl I…..’

Even though she likes the feeling of her beautiful friend cuddling with her, Ochako's body recoils because it's not who she wants to kiss. 

But even still right now after almost four bottles in she doesn't care about anything because there's a burning fire in her belly that she gets from every little touch they have.

‘I'm really, horny. Maybe me and Tsu could…….’

Her drunken mind is too far gone to care about anything anymore as she wraps her arms around her friend's neck and nuzzles into her. 

“Hehe, please kiss me Tsuyu”

“You're really drunk Ochako and so am I, ker…*hic*.... oh!”

She ignores Tsuyu’s mild protest before pressing a kiss to the corner of her soft lips. 

She likes it and it burns something deep in her belly.

“Please kiss me, Tsu~”

“I don't think I should Ochako, we're really drunk, I don't want to upset you” Tsuyu has a hesitant look in her eyes, but that just makes those dark masked figures in her head march harder.

“Please, just one kiss~” 

She looks at the girl with long dark hair and a very blurry face contemplating going through with it before swallowing the rest of their drink. 

“We should get you to bed, I'm not sure either of us is thinking right”

She looks deep into those dark eyes that try to look away from her as a blush dusts her friend's pale cheeks. 

She can tell tsuyu isn't against the idea of kissing her but is hesitant about it. She decides to say screw it and gives her friend a chaste kiss on the lips and waits for her response.

“Ochako!?” Tsuyu stares at her in surprise and she's scared she made a mistake and ruined their friendship just now.

An apology is on her lips but the blush that fills her amphibian friend's face as a look of desire begins to take over her lidded and glazed eyes tells her it wasn't. 

Hesitantly she asks if she can kiss her again, and thankfully Tsuyu says yes.

She doesn't remember much about what came next but they both make it to her bed before she pins the other girl beneath her.

Their lips meet again and again and she likes the feeling even though the alcohol on their tongues tastes like shit.

She presses her knee into her friend's groin as Tsu's long tongue plays with her shorter one and the croak of pleasure Tsuyu lets out is intoxicating.

“More Ochako~” She lets out a light and airy giggle as words begin to form in her throat before falling from her lips all so easily. The words she says make her feel as if she's been possessed.

“Anything for you~” Ochako grinds her leg against her friend's core and the way Tsuyu grips her leg between her own is intoxicating.

‘I want more’

She feels absolutely ecstatic right now, like she just drank the sweetest of liquors, even if cheap booze is still on her tongue.

Ochako trails her hand down Tsuyu's stomach as her teeth graze the amphibian girl's neck. Her fingers tingle to touch her, but for some reason her hand hesitates on Tsuyu's heavenly soft stomach. She doesn't know what it is but her hands trace over Tsuyu's stomach and she expects a scar that isn't there. 

Ochako is confused why her mind thinks she would feel her own scar on Tsuyu's stomach. It's strange and she has a faint feeling in the back of her head that's trying to come forward, but she's too drunk on everything to care right now. 

Instead she sucks a dark mark into the soft flesh of her friend's neck as her canines scrape at Tsuyu's pulse.

“ Hmm! Ochako~” Ochako lets out an almost manic giggle as her fingers slip into Tsuyu's shorts and down through soft hair until she finds what her body is craving.

“There it is~”

The moment she finds what she's looking for she starts to knead at the little bundle of nerves. Then just as suddenly as she touched her she feels a jolt of pleasure as if she's touching her own clit.

It's strange, but exhilarating.

She begins to burn up with pleasure even though she isn't actually touching herself. It's weird but she doesn't care, she just wants to fuck the girl beneath her. 

Tsuyu/Himiko

The way Tsuyu's cunt drips from every touch she gives her feels so good, she wants to do this more. She wants to please her so well.

She wants to be good for her.

Ochako can't stop herself from taking a small bite of Tsuyu's perfect flesh. She digs her teeth into Tsuyu's neck and hears her gasp loudly. For a moment she's scared of hurting her friend, but as her sharp teeth sink more into her friend's neck she moans for more. 

“Chako~!”

She giggles when she hears that name because it lights something primal inside of her. Something that wants to be called ‘Chako-chan~’

She can't stop her fingers from slipping inside her friend's dripping core and the warmth sets something off deep inside of her drunken self. 

Something that wants to taste crimson.

Ochako can't stop herself from giving in as her all too sharp teeth break Tsuyu's skin easily and the taste of blood on her tongue is euphoric.

‘She tastes like green apple gummies’

Ochako pulls away and licks her lips as she stares down at the girl beneath her and her blurry face. She preens at the beautiful mess she's made of her as she pumps her fingers again and again into her core until the girl beneath her is about to come undone.

She licks at the razor sharp teeth making her gums bleed before kissing at that pretty red blood on her neck. 

“Chako~!!!!” Ochako preens as she pulls such a beautiful sound from the girl beneath while she begins to come apart on her fingers, and for some reason it feels like she is too, even if she didn't touch herself. 

Ochako stares at the pretty and blurry girl beneath her before she whispers her next words as she presses a passionate kiss filled with her feelings from the last three years to her soft, plush lips. 

Even if they don't have the fangs she wants to kiss.

“You're so beautiful Himiko~” with those final words both their bodies tense up as they come undone together.

In this brief moment she can think clearly for once and the words I love you rest in her tongue, but all too fast they fade away, just like her memories of Himiko are.

Exhaustion and tiredness begin to overwhelm her as they both come down from their high, until her body becomes too heavy for her to keep up anymore. She doesn't know why she's so tired but she can't stop from collapsing on top of the other girl in exhaustion.

It feels like she had such an orgasmic high and it's strange, nobody was touching her yet it felt orgasmic.

She acts to think about it further but her drunken mind is too tired to do anything else but curl around the girl in her arms who feels like a figment of her imagination.

As the familiar warmth and smell of lake lilies fill her lungs a part of her feels like something's wrong and she's the one that did it, but this sweet taste that tastes like gummies on her tongue soothes away her worries. 

Soon, It isn't long until she falls asleep while cuddling with this girl who tastes so sweet.

Tsuyu Asui

Her eyes sting with tears and her lungs heave with sorrow. She can't stop herself from crying because the girl she just had sex with, the girl she's been trying to keep her feelings away from curls around her like an old lover. It's everything she's wanted for years and it should be perfect, but she can't get what just happened out of her mind. 

‘Ochako, you called me Himiko, not Tsu’

Himiko Toga: 19

March

She rips through the bloody fabric as she takes it in her teeth and pulls until it rips apart. 

She screams as she claws at her arms and thighs, places marked deeply with scars.

‘Why am I still alive!? Why am I not dead?! Why do I need to keep going?! Why! Why! Why!!!’

Her body is revolting against her and all she can feel is the desire for blood. 

I need it! I need it! I need her!!

“I Need Ochako!!!!”  

She bolts awake as a burning smouldering pain racks her body and she can barely keep her body from changing into hers. 

She grips her sheet until her knuckles turn white as her skin shifts and changes and her hair starts to become darker. It's just like all the other times she's shifted into someone else, but now her body doesn't need that mud.

No. The person her body wants to turn into is a seamless change because she's not putting on a mask and skin of someone else. 

No. She got her wish to become like someone she loved.

She climbs out of bed and rushes to the fridge in the kitchen as her body shifts and changes and everytime her body shifts she becomes more and more like her .

The moment she grabs the fridge her fingers start to glow a bright pink and electricity and bright bubbles begin to fill the air along with almost everything else.

She's scared she's going to float the whole building into the stratosphere and fights as hard as she can to stop this transformation.

But the more she tries the more she can't. She tears apart the fridge to get the next few weeks worth of blood and she rips it all open before spilling out down her throat.

She gags and tries to spit out the blood because it tastes vile.

It's not hers, it's not Ochako's. IT'S NOT MY OCHAKO'S!!!!

She vomits up the blood all over the floor and herself before tearing up another bag causing it to spill everywhere. But the moment she smells that awful blood she begins to hurl and drops the rest of the bags to the floor. 

She cries because nothing she tries is working, NOTHING!!

Her eyes flick to the small vile with a bright red ribbon on it still in the fridge and her mouth waters looking at it. 

‘Why am I still alive?’ She hates what she does next because it would be easier to cut up her body to try and make everything go away. 

But she knows Ochako wouldn't want that for her. She'd want her to live, just like Jin did. 

Just like dabi asked her to do.

She sobs as she pulls the small vial close to her blood covered shirt before running back to her room as she tears her blood stained clothes off

She hates doing this, not because she doesn't like it, but because of what it means to Ochako.

She hates using Ochako like this, but her body revolts against her if she doesn't, because it craves Ochako's existence and it won't settle for anybody else.

She tears the cap from the vial and holds it close to her nose and takes a deep inhale. 

The thick and beautifully sweet scent calms something deep inside of her. 

She always gets like this at this time of year. There's so many reasons why, but the one that hurts the most is that Ochako always leaves a vial of her own blood at the last place they were together. 

It's been almost two years now and she knows today is Ochako's graduation. She wonders what Ochako is doing right now. She's probably sleeping. 

Maybe this time won't be so bad, maybe Ochako can stay asleep while she does this. 

Himiko tilts the contents of the vial towards her lips and takes this delicious and heavenly blood in her mouth. As it coats her tongue and fangs she preens.

Ochako's blood is perfect in so many ways and even if it's bitter sweet to feel this way she lets Ochako in.

She lets her quirk envelop her and she takes on Ochako's form, and everything Ochako feels in that moment comes to her. 

All her sadness, lust, melancholy, and love. She feels it all as she becomes Ochako.

Her heart thumps in her chest as the pads on her fingers tingle pleasantly with a dull buzz and there's a need burning inside of her. 

Inside both of their bodies. 

She lets out a breathy sigh and goes to her bed. Ochako and her naked form climb into bed and she giggles. Ochako is drunk and it makes her tipsy too. 

She almost wants to curse her quirk.

There's a bond between her and Ochako now, and every time she becomes her their bodies and minds always connect like this. It's as if they share the same existence and soul even if they are nowhere near each other.

She would have thought this was perfect before the war, but now she's scared of it. She's scared Ochako can feel her feelings and everything else. 

She doesn't want to be a burden to the girl she still loves, but her body and her heart won't accept anybody else. 

‘I hate this’ she hates this because she enjoys it.

And the tingling of lust burning both their bodies doesn't help. 

Her body and heart chose the worst time to do this. Ochako's really drunk, and now so is she. 

“Fuck” she can feel arousal burning between her legs and it almost hurts, unfortunately she can't stop her pseudo drunk mind from touching herself with Ochako's body. 

Her mouth begins to tingle as she traces a hand down their stomach and she hesitates right on the scar she gave Ochako.

It almost makes her want to stop from the guilt she feels, but there's a needy drive to do this and she can't resist. 

“Hmm! Ochako~”

She traces her hand down her front and straight to her goal. When she finally does she rubs at the bundle of nerves between her legs and it sets her body a light. She moans pleasantly as she draws circles around her clit.

With every touch the urge to be bitten burns in her chest and she's not sure why. 

‘Maybe it's Ochako’

She didn't think Ochako had a biting kink. It makes her sad because all she can think of is them and how they might have been perfect together.

It stings.

The feeling of Ochako's fingers touching her core burns so good. She loves it. 

It's almost the real thing, but it still makes her sad it isn't. 

‘I miss you Ochako, I hope you don't miss me’

She wishes she could do this with Ochako herself, but she can't. All she can do is this, and it feels wrong. 

She feels like she's using and taking advantage of the girl she loves and she wishes she didn't need to do this. 

But if she doesn't she's going to go insane, she's spent two years already in this prison even if it isn't legally one. She hates it.

‘I'm not a good person, like Ochako is. She's a good girl’ just as suddenly as those words fill her mind she feels a jolt of pleasure and it makes her arch up into both of their touch.

‘Just get this over with and go to bed’ she hopes beyond anything that Ochako doesn't feel what she does. She'd never forgive herself.

Her teeth ache again and she can't stop the fangs from forming in her mouth as she calls to the girl she loves.

Her gums always bleed when her fangs come out like this. 

She can't imagine Ochako with fangs like her, ones that made everyone hate her. She'd cry if she ever saw her own reflection like this. 

But the way her and Ochako's fingers move together feels like she's being possessed, and it feels so good.

“Chako~” She feels so good from those padded fingers and she can't stop from moaning for the one she wishes was with her.

“Chako-chan~” the words ‘please love me’ burn on her tongue but she swallows them down before they can escape her lips.

Himiko can't stop her fingers from slipping inside her herself and the warmth she feels from Ochako's fingers sets something off deep inside of her. Something that claws her insides for Ochako.

She wants to taste her blood, and her gums bleed more because of it. It almost hurts.

She wants to bite down and taste her blood, Ochako's. She's half tempted to bite herself  and taste Ochako's blood, but deep down she knows it would be her and she would be stealing Ochako's love, the girl that gave her so much.

She thinks about trying to find some from the fridge but then there's the sudden taste of green apple gummies on her tongue. 

And she can only think of one person who tastes like that.

Tsuyu?

‘Is she with Tsuyu right now?’

She's curious why she would taste Tsuyu all of a sudden, unless Ochako is drinking her blood. 

‘She wouldn't, she's not like me’ she hopes she isn't. 

She hopes that she only got Ochako's quirk, and it didn't happen to Ochako too. 

She'd never forgive herself if Ochako had her quirk.

Ochako's probably eating candy right now, that's what the taste is, at least that's what she tells herself anyways.

Instead of thinking about it more, Himiko pumps her fingers again and again into her wet cunt until she begins to come close to her peak.

She licks at the razor sharp teeth making her and Ochako's gums bleed as the urge to kiss the girl she loves tingles on her lips.

“ Chako~!!!!” 

‘I wish you were here with me’

Her body burns until it hurts as she cries out for the girl she's always loved ever since that day they first met.

The pleasure that begins to flood her body makes her blood boil pleasantly and all she can do is ride out her peak until it finally hits her

But then she feels like her lips were kissed as a few faint words sound like they are whispered to her even if no one is here with her.

“You're so beautiful Himiko~” with those final words her and Ochako's body tenses up before she finally comes undone on her own fingers.

And she can't stop from whispering the words deep in her heart out to the world, and a part of her hopes Ochako can hear them somehow. 

“I love you~”

“My Ochako-chan”

Ochako Uraraka

March 

“Oh, the burning pain”

“Listening to you harp on 'bout some new soulmate”

"She's so perfect, blah, blah, blah”

All three of them watch from a distance as the brown haired girl named Ochako hums along to the music playing as she makes food for the class. 

She's been cooking for almost an hour and all three of them are concerned. They all know she drank heavily last night and expected her to spend the rest of the day in bed nursing a headache. 

But here she is singing happily along with the music like nothing is wrong with the world. This is the first time they've seen her like this in months.

She is undoubtedly in a good mood and it makes all three of them worry, especially the girl nursing a hangover sitting across from the two boys.

“I'm going to tell her” the explosive blonde says to the girl with dark green hair and the scarred boy with a lighter shade than her. 

“Don't, please kacchan” the blonde boy rolls his eyes as he sits back down and scowls at them. 

“She's going to find out sooner or later. Why hide it?” Bakugou looks between the two shorter students and waits for an answer. But it isn't until he begins to get up again that they say something. 

“She's going to hate herself more if she sees them” the frog girl mumbles as her head aches and memories from last night swirl in her head. 

Her memory is hazy but she can remember Ochako calling her Himiko when they were doing something intimate last night and she doesn't want to remember it, even if she knows deep down what happened but doesn't want to admit it.

She's glad she woke up first so she could put on something that covers her neck. She doesn't want to talk about it with Ochako, not now, and she's not sure when she will.

Izuku places his hand on the blonde's shoulder and the taller boy begins to relax. 

“We don't know if they are going to be around forever or not, and Ochako probably already knows about them.”

“About what deku?” The freckled boy almost jumps in his seat as his brunette classmate appears out of nowhere carrying three plates easily with her quirk. 

“Oh um we were just, uh” thankfully the blonde helps him out.

“We were talking about aizawa and present mic” tsuyu decides to add on as well. 

“We heard Aizawa was thinking of asking him an important question” when Ochako hears that she smiles widely as her blush covered cheeks spread apart and all three of their eyes are drawn to the gleaming bone white fangs in her mouth.

“You think he's going to propose?” Ochako giggles giddily to herself as she sets the plates she's carrying down in front of each of them before her quirk dissipates without her needing to release them. 

“Hopefully” tsuyu mumbles to herself as she looks at the food and how oddly cute Ochako made it. 

It's omurice, but most of it's a little burnt and almost all the omelettes are a bit misshapen. Most of their names are drawn on it with ketchup and cute little drawings of each of them, except Tsuyu's. 

They all frown because this seems really out of character for her.

The blonde boy opens his mouth to tell her the truth about the fangs in her mouth and her odd behavior. But then they watch as those fangs begin to recede and her eyes feel a bit more duller and less bright. 

They watch as Ochako looks down and the food she made and yawns, and they all see her teeth have gone back to what they were before. 

Almost all of them relax except bakugou who glares at the other two before taking a utensil and taking a bite of the food Ochako made. 

He frowns at the food before glaring at her and the other two are afraid of what he'll say.

“Since when do you know how to season shit ochako” Izuku and tsuyu are both surprised by his reaction. Usually he complains about her food every time he eats it.

She giggles even as Bakugou berates her for everything else wrong with the dish, but he gives her advice most of the time. 

Tsuyu looks down at her plate and sighs at the name written there.

‘Himiko’ and there's a crossed out picture of Himiko that she knows Ochako tried to hide but she can still make out the details of her. 

She digs into the other side of the plate and digs her spoon straight through her own little picture before eating her own head. 

‘It's not burnt’

Hers may be the only one that wasn't.

An uncomfortable feeling forms in her chest that makes her want to avoid Ochako.

'I wanted your affection but not like this'

Chapter Text

Ochako: 19

Date: August 7th, 00:01

The wind blows past as a young woman sits atop of the roof of the Ryukyu agency. Next to her sits a small uncapped thermos with the lid propped up between her fingers. 

She stares down at the dark but sweet liquid in the red lid and swirls it around every time she feels the wind blow. 

The dark liquid brings unwanted memories of dark figures that still haunt her mind. People crying in rubble, blood covering her hands as she does what she can to save another injured person, a cacophony of dark hands reaching out towards her as the faces of her friends peer out of the surrounding darkness. 

She rubs the edges of her cup with her thumbs, and presses the edges against the pads on her finger right where the bumps form on her skin.

“It's a nice night isn't it, kero?” The sudden sound of her friend's soft and tired voice doesn't make her jump like it should have, instead it makes her happy to hear her. They haven't talked in weeks, even if they work at the same place now.

Ochako pats the edge of the roof beside her. She could use a friend tonight. 

It's past midnight and now it's August 7th. 

Himiko's birthday. A day where she always leaves a vial of her blood on that old battlefield for her. 

It's her birthday gift to her, the cutest girl in the world. She just wishes Himiko could have been here so she could give it to her in person. Maybe if she was she would act like a school girl giving a confession letter to her crush. 

But she isn't, and she hates it deep down. But that hate has faded to the background of her existence, yet it's still ever present in everything she does.

As tsuyu sits down next to her she asks something unsurprising.

“Did you write another letter this year?” The awkward way Tsuyu asks tells her she's still hesitant to talk with her.

The last year has been awkward between them, ever since graduation night. 

She knows something happened between them that night, but she doesn't know what it was and tsuyu doesn't want to talk about it. 

But for just a moment maybe they can go back to how they used to be. 

“Yes, I did”

She always leaves a letter with the vials she leaves for Himiko because she has childish dreams that maybe, somehow Himiko can see it and all the things she's confessed over the years. 

She's written one where she talks about love, and the many relationships that her class has had over the years. From jirou and denki learning they didn't really work together, izuku and Tsu dating for a few months, momo discovering lesbianism, to that awkward time bakugou realized he preferred men when she and him tried to sleep together and nothing about that night went right for either of them.

Bakugou was mortified for a while after that but at least he and Kirishima are dating now. 

She thought him and Izuku would have worked together but it doesn't seem like either of them have acknowledged much about their relationship since the war and how fast Izuku is losing his embers.

None of them know how much longer he had until it's completely gone, it could be soon or in another year. 

“What did you write this year? Kero”

Ochako's cheeks burn and a melancholy comes over her because of that personal question

“Just how being a pro is going that's all”

That's a lie.

This year she wrote something deeply personal to Himiko that she's never confessed to anyone before, not even herself.

She remembers how long she spent agonizing over the right thing to say I'm her letter, until she finished on the last of the paper she had.

“I lied Tsuyu, it's……” Tsu is the only person b in the world that will know the truth.

“It's a confession letter.” Tsuyu is silent the entire time as Ochako looks up at the stars, the one she's staring at right now is Aquila and the stars that make it up.

“Confession letter?”

She wishes she could have told her all about them in person, but this will have to do because it's all she has.

"Tsu I need to tell you something that's going to make me sound crazy."

“I know, You fell in love with Himiko” Ochako freezes for a moment before sighing.

“No, that's not it…..”

“It's no-”

“I'm still in love with her” there is a long silence between them both. It's not unexpected, but at least someone else knows her deepest secret. 

“I know that it's stupid to feel this way, but I can't stop myself from feeling like this, I've tried” her lips quiver and she's about to start crying if she hasn't already.

"But—"

“I gave Himiko my blood” those sudden words make her feel so many things at once—it makes her spill some of her drink on her costume.

“Tsu?” Her glossy and red rimmed eyes trace Tsuyu's melancholic face as she looks out at the city around them. “What do you mean you-” 

The dark green haired girl sniffles once then twice before she wipes the tears in her eyes.

“I—, you're going to hate me for this Ochako, but…..” The frog-like girl swallows nervously before tucking her long hair behind her ears.

“Tsu why would I hate yo-?”

“I gave Himiko some of my blood, on the battlefield that day, I saw her alone with hawks begging for someone to help her and I……” tsuyu grips her own arm as tears stream down her face somberly. 

“I thought it would have been enough to save her. Her quirk was still active and she was still mostly you and I thought, hey, me and you share the same blood type so maybe I could help her because you…..I knew how you felt about her even back then after the battle and I thought that it would mean the world to you if she lived……because you fought so hard to reach her and……. I thought maybe……. ” her best friend all through high school wipes her eyes as she cries silently to herself.

Ochako takes pity on her and pulls her into her arms to comfort her.

“Its okay tsu, I'm not angry, I promise”

“I-I thought she would have b-been fine! Yknow, and I thought she would get to live and I knew that was something you would have wanted but when they announced she was gone……I thought—, I-I didn't want you to—, I felt guilty that—” Ochako hushes her friend as she strokes her hair gently. 

“It's okay, you tried to save her and I'm thankful for that, you did what you could and that means the world to me”

“But I failed , And now Himiko is—”

“It's okay I'm not upset, I promise, I'd never hate you Tsu” Tsuyu's fingers dig harshly into her back as she cries quietly into her shoulder for what feels like hours and says sorry over and over again because that's all she can do. 

“I-Im sorry Ochako. I'm so sorry. I wish I gave her more of my blood instead of leaving her with hawks. I should have stayed and helped her not—”

“It's okay Tsu, you don't need to be sorry, it's okay, you don't need to be forgiven for anything Tsu, nothing you did was wrong” 

“But *sniffle* Himiko she's—”

“I know Tsu, I know, and there's no changing that” Tsu sniffles as her mouth fills with things she wants to say before she shakes her head and doesn't say anything else for a while as they stay there looking at those dim stars hidden by light pollution for what feels like hours.

‘At least you can still see a few of them’

But she can sense something heavy weighing on Tsu's mind as she drinks from Ochako's thermos. 

‘I hope she still isn't blaming herself for Himiko’

“Tsu? Is there something you want to say?” tsuyu takes a small sip of the sweet liquid before sighing and saying what's on her mind. 

“Ochako your fangs are out again” Ochako's fingers go to her teeth and feels the sharp canines she now has. 

“You know about them right?” but instead of answering Tsu's question she chooses to say something she's been meaning to say for a while. 

“I'm sorry for calling you Himiko that night and after it” Tsu frowns as that night tries to come back to her but it's too bitter and blurry, and the only thing she can b really remember was that moment. 

“It's fine Ochako, and I'd rather not think about that night too much” Ochako wants to ask what they did that night but she decides to leave it there.

Maybe someday they can talk about it, but not now when it's still painful for Tsu.

“What are we drinking? Kero” Ochako giggles before answering. 

“It's pomegranate juice I've been craving it lately though I don't know why”

“Well it's very good” they both giggle as they spend the rest of the night talking happily, even as she can feel emotions she can't understand that feel like they're from someone else. 

Something she's been feeling a lot lately.

Himiko Toga: 21

August 7th, 02:12

'Did he have to wake me up at 2am for this?' she rolls her eyes as she sips from her cup and waits for him to speak.

“They finally agreed to a special probation for you.” Himiko swallows the gulp of pomegranate juice in her mouth before looking at him with confusion. 

“Special probation?” Keigo runs his hand through his hair as he goes through the papers in front of him. 

“They agreed to the plea I made for you asking for more freedom. Going for three straight years without hurting someone has made a lot more people put their faith in you. At least that's why some of them want us to believe” he slides a piece of paper towards her and it all looks like gibberish to her. 

The perks of being a middle school drop out.

“It's papers for an apartment in the city, they just need you to sign your name”

“City?” 

“Yes, the terms they gave were that you weren't allowed to leave the city on your ‘probation’ and you had to check in at the correct times and if you miss three times then you'll be imprisoned for the rest of your time and serve another ten years. But otherwise you could go anywhere you wanted and do almost anything as long as it wasn't illegal or caused harm to someone else, some of your benefactors are probably eager for you to hurt someone so they can say they tried to help and get rid of you without any consequences to themselves” Himiko feels anger brewing as she stares at all these papers she doesn't understand because she is too dumb to know anything about them.

Keigo tries to comfort her with his words.

“Not everyone that is trying to help you is an asshole like that, Himiko, I promise” her hands clench around the cup in her hands as she thinks for a moment. It already feels like too much for her

“But, I'm supposed to be dead?” Keigo's eyes fill with emotions she doesn't understand before he speaks again. 

“That's the thing though, they are giving you the option of living as yourself and letting everyone know you're still alive, probably so there's a higher chance something could happen to you” Himiko's eyes go wide when he says those words and she almost feels happy that she has a chance to love as herself, but his next ones douse it.

“But I asked if you could go by a pseudonym instead and they agreed to give you that option” anger begins to build in her chest and she wants to yell at him. 

“Why-!? What the fuck keigo!?” She wants to yell at him for doing that but then he slides more papers towards her and she wants to rip them up, until she hears his next words.

“One of your so-called benefactors paid and tipped off a group of vigilantes that you are still alive and might resurface soon, but it doesn't look like they know about this place” tears sting at her eyes because someone that was supposed to be helping her is trying to get her killed.

“It's okay Himiko, they've already been taken care of and the hpsc is working to apprehend the vigilantes.” for a moment she's scared keigo got someone else killed until he tries to comfort her. 

“I meant they were fired, Himiko, and they're being charged not…. They're still alive I promise” she's not sure how true his words are and is hesitant to believe him. Her hope to live peacefully feels like it's being smothered in its sleep, and the desire to finally see Ochako again grows even dimmer, but refuses to go out. 

She's still dependent on her for so much, even if they haven't seen each other in years.

“So no matter what I do, everyone is going to try and kill me!?” She wants to cry but then keigo picks up another piece of paper then holds it up for her. 

“I don't know what that is? I'm too stupid to understand any of this.” she says bitterly. Keigo gives her a pitying look before grabbing another paper and placing them on the ever growing pile in front of her. 

“It's an application for online schooling for a place that accepts former villains and those without a quirk, like a college, and this one is a quirk registration form. I wanted to know if you wanted to sign up as Himiko toga.” she deflates when she hears her name. 

“Or as my younger sister and register the quirk Ochako gave you as yours” she glares at him for what sounds like a joke. 

“Why would I do that?”

“If your publicly known as my family then I can extend all my resources and protection to you at all times Himiko, and so no more assholes will think of doing anything stupid without severe consequences to themselves” Himiko sits there staring at him as he organizes all the papers in order. 

‘I don't understand any of this, it all feels like too much’ she empties the last of her cup. 

‘I want to go to bed’

“I don't want to force you to do anything, Himiko, but if you do decide to use a pseudonym you can pick any name you want as long as you use my family name as well.”

She's silent the whole time as she stares at the stack of paper in front of her and the inadequacy of her own intelligence. She bites her tongue and she thinks of outclassed she is in everything now.

She sighs before finally giving in and relenting.

‘I'm too stupid to be twenty one’

She needs to get smarter and better at a lot of things if she's going to live in this world. 

“Fine, I'll be…….. suzume takami” he nods and grabs one of the papers before writing down the name she chose a few times in different places. 

“You should probably pick a middle name too, your supposed to be my half sister from America”

“Why would I be from America?”

“Because I probably do have a sibling I don't know about, and I thought it was kinda funny for you to be from America.”

“Sibling?” She's confused about what he means about probably having a sibling until he speaks, and it dredges up bad memories.

“My dad was a very shitty person so I wouldn't put it past him to have another child he didn't even know about, he certainly wasn't eager about my birth” there's a heavy silence between them as Himiko looks away from him. Memories of her own parents at the back of her head

Hawks speaks about something so heavy so easily and it makes her feel sorry for him. 

“I'm sorry keigo”

“Don't be, he's been out of my life a long time now.” She can hear him mumble ‘just like my mother’ to himself. She decides not to say anything about it and instead focuses on what he said before.

“My middle name, can it be anything?” He nods at her. He smirks at her as if he can already tell what she's going to say.

“You can pick the cringiest thing you can think of if that's what you want Himiko” she wishes she could throw something at him because of that comment. 

“Jerk” she looks down at her cup with remnants of pomegranate juice inside at she thinks of what to pick.

‘I guess that would fit me’

“Then how about…. Persephone ”

“hmmgh!” Keigo lets out an involuntary and muffled laugh to himself before clearing his throat. It makes her want to hit him with one of the frying pans on the counter, but then her eyes glance at his arm and the large bruise peeking out from his sleeve makes her worried.

‘Is that……. Self-inflicted?’ 

“You don't do hero work anymore, right keigo?”

“Yeah all I do is sit at a desk…….” he goes quiet because he realizes why she's asking that.

There's a sudden heavy tension in the air as Keigo's smile begins to die down. He pulls his arms down to where she can't see them to hide his injuries even if she can't see them. She used to do the same thing when she was younger, and still does sometimes. It's something she used to do when she wanted to hide her scars from the councilors whenever they looked at her arms.

‘They are’

“Keigo” that bruise is too dark to be from an accident, and he probably had more she can't see. A part of her wants to say something, but she doesn't know what.

“Keigo….”

“You don't need to say anything Himiko, don't let me bother you with this” keigo tries to play off something like that like it isn't something that needs to be addressed. 

But she guesses if she tried to do that it would make her a hypocrite.

Her teeth start to ache again. 

“Just….. Be careful okay……..” keigo nods before giving her a smile that is probably fake, but could also be real. 

“Kay, I promise.

"Oh I almost forgot, happy birthday"

Himiko Toga: 28

December 26

“Oh, it's Uraraka, so I guess if my family took my mother's name then I'd be Sakiko Uraraka ”

There is a brief pause in that moment after those words are said. Everything seems to stop all at once and the realization of who this person—that Himiko thought she knew everything about after so many years—really is to the both of them finally settles in.

She is from Ochako's family. Bulbel, the girl that's helped her stay alive through the last ten years, carries the same blood as Ochako. Even if she is just a distant relative that doesn't change what she now feels about the last ten years and how it changes every interaction she's ever had with Bulbel…... 

Sakiko Uraraka.

“Uraraka?” Ochako's voice is quiet and filled with confusion as she stares at the older woman while Himiko states emptily at someone who was like family to her.

‘I can't-!!!’

“Yeah, so that would make me your-” but the older woman doesn't get to finish as Himiko storms off as fast as she can to Ochako's bedroom and slams the door shut behind her. 

Himiko's hands shake and quiver as her nails dig into the door painfully until it feels like her fingers are going to bleed. Her whole mind is racing with so many thoughts it makes her sick. There's so many words that she wants to say, to scream, and so many memories of the past ten and a half years she now sees in a new light that leaves her in such a broken mess.

Tears start to well up in her eyes and all she wants to do is scream and yell, she wants to berate and chastise Keigo for not telling her the real reason Bulbel, Sakiko fucking Uraraka!, has been there for her the last ten years.

‘She's….. She's Ochako's…..’

Did he think it would be easier for her to open up to someone from Ochako's family? Did he think she wouldn't hurt Bulbel because that would mean hurting Ochako in some way? 

Was Bulbel just replacement a fucking replacement for Ochako?!

Then why-!!!!!!????

She sniffles as her vision quivers with unshed tears that burn.

‘Then why didn't he tell me?’

‘Why did he let me believe that Bulbel was just someone like me? Why didn't he just tell me this whole time?’

A part of her wants to believe that she would have understood, that it would have made things easier, that it would have been nice to meet someone from Ochako's family. 

But maybe it wouldn't. 

If only keigo gave her that choice.

That hate for the man that killed Jin, the man that was like a brother to her, flares painfully in her chest like oil on a fire before it becomes extinguished and all the energy she has saps away from her body. 

Himiko hangs her head low and pulls away from the door before climbing into Ochako's bed and burying herself in the soft blankets.

She doesn't cry or wail or anything else, she's just……

There, and maybe that's worse than if she did.

After a few minutes of nothing happening or changing or feeling she hears Ochako hesitantly open the door to check on her. 

Himiko curls more around herself as the sounds of Ochako's footsteps come closer until they reach the bed.

“Himiko?”

“……..”

“Okay” Ochako sets something on the bedside table that could only be the bag bulbel brought and whispers something she can't hear before beginning to walk away. 

She wants to ask her to stay with her and cuddle so she can feel better. 

She wants to say it so much and the sounds of Ochako's footsteps getting farther away from her every second makes her want to beg, to plead. With every moment the pain in her heart begs to call out to her.

But she doesn't.

Instead she closes her eyes and just stays there for what feels like forever. Not sleeping, not crying, not thinking, just nothing.

She doesn't even feel hurt like she wants to, and it makes her wish she did.

As the minutes start to go on into hours and the sun begins to go down she stays like that. 

Unfeeling or caring, or anything else.

Just like she did those awful three years.

When she finally feels sleep beginning to take her there's a sudden shifting on the bed behind her as Ochako climbs in, but she doesn't touch her.

‘I wish you would.’

Then she feels a large but soft and light weight press against her back and she's curious what it is. It's probably a cute plushie or a pillow.

“I thought you might like having this” Ochako doesn't say anything else as she lies down next to her but stays just out of reach.

She hates the distance. But neither of them do anything about it.

A long time passes as the sound of Ochako's quiet breathing fills the air. It feels calming to hear the sounds that mean Ochako is alive.

It's so much better than she imagined. It makes those memories of nightmares about Ochako's cold dead body and the silence it brought her more bearable.

Ochako's soft snores make her want to fall asleep, but she can't, and the emptiness in her arms that makes her yearn for Ochako just makes things worse. 

It's cold without Ochako holding her, she hates the cold.

She's spent far too many sleepless nights just like this cold and wishing to hold someone, and it was Ochako she always wanted.

‘I want to hold you’ 

She hates not feeling warmth, especially when it's blood, because warmth means life and love and so many other feelings. But when she feels the cold it reminds her of everything she hates. 

Cold blood means there's no love in it, no life, no warmth that she craves. The cold when she's in bed alone means there's no one there with her, and it always reminds her how little she has in this world.

Now that she knows what sleeping in Ochako's warmth is like, it just makes her hate the cold more.

It makes her crave Ochako's warmth, and makes her fangs ache to feel it down her throat.

‘I wish I could stay with you every night Ochako’

After the sun has been set for hours, Himiko begins to open her eyes and turn around to face Ochako and what she gave her.

When her eyes fall on Ochako's sleeping face framed by the moonlight peeking through the curtains she feels her desire for Ochako's blood start to fade, and it gets even weaker the more she gazes at her.

Himiko lets out a pleased hum to herself now that she feels a little bit better before looking down at the large plushie Ochako tried to give her.

‘I thought she would have been more of a my melody girl’ she runs her fingers across the soft fabric of the big kuromi plushie between them. 

It's cute, and she's thankful for Ochako's kindness.

But she'd rather hold Ochako herself than a lifeless plush that doesn't have any warmth itself.

Her eyes flick between the cute plush and Ochako's cute face. 

The sight of Ochako's beauty makes her feel happy, but also hurt at the same time. Now that she knows about bulbel and Ochako's family connection she can't stop seeing the resemblance between them both even if it's barely there. 

It makes her feel weird. The girl who has been like a parent and older sister to her the past ten years is a part of Ochako's family. 

They look so much alike now that she knows.

It makes her feel…..

Himiko lets out a quiet breath before grabbing the kuromi plush and setting it to the side. Then she scoots closer to Ochako until she's right next to her. 

She wants to cuddle with the girl she loves but Ochako's already asleep, and she doesn't want to disturb her.

Himiko rubs at her eyes and stares at Ochako's beautiful features for what feels like forever. From her thick eyelashes, to soft lips.

She's tempted to press a kiss to her forehead and wish her a goodnight, but the sudden sound of her stomach rumbling muffles that thought.

‘I should eat.’ a part of her wants to just lie here in bed all night with Ochako until she falls asleep. But her hunger is starting to hurt, and it brings up bad memories of her childhood.

Far too many memories.

Plus she still needs to take her meds. She's starting to feel like shit again without them.

Although she's reluctant about it, Himiko gets out of bed with a groan before pulling out her phone to check the time.

It's 1:23am, and she has unread messages from Bulbel and 24 from Keigo. She ignores them and turns off her phone again.

She really needs her meds, that's probably why she can't sleep. 

Himiko carefully climbs out of bed before going to the bedside table and looking through the stuff Bulbel brought for her. 

Meds. Blood vials, those have probably gone bad by now. Some old looking letters that are addressed to her. 

A collar-.

Her face burns because of that last one. She takes out her meds and grabs the blood vials to get rid of them before shutting it close.

She takes a calming breath before going to the kitchen to search for food to eat and dump the vials in the sink.

She doesn't want to get sick by consuming bad blood again, even if her body is highly resistant to bloodborne stuff doesn't mean it doesn't make her want to puke because it tastes like shit.

The worse the quality of blood is the worse it tastes, another reason she always sought out fresh blood. 

After washing out the last of the blood she sets the empty vials down and washes her hands before going to the fridge to look for something to eat.

‘I'm hungry’ but at least it's not for blood. She already drank some of Ochako's blood last night. That should be enough to last for a while, especially because it's Ochako's blood.

Her blood has always had a calming effect on her, and a single vial can sate her desire for blood for almost a month. But it also makes her mind and body break down when she goes almost a year without it.

If Ochako didn't leave her those vials every year she's not sure she would still be alive.

Those few months before she got the next one were always the worst times of her life. It was almost as bad as when she still lived at that house.

When she could only drink her own blood to sate herself.

Ochako's blood is like food or water to her, something she can't live without. She doesn't know why, it just is. Maybe it's because of how much she loves Ochako.

The girl who made her feel light enough to just float away  

She still doesn't know why she has that kind of reaction to only her and nobody else.

Something's really wrong with her quirk.

‘When hasn't there been something wrong with it, and me’

Her eyes go to the cold omurice sitting in the fridge and she frowns. There's two of them instead of just one. 

Which means Ochako never ate hers.

“Ochako” she wants to chastise Ochako for not eating because of her, but instead she sighs and looks at the writing on both to see which one was supposed to be hers. 

But when she finally does find the one meant for her she bites her tongue.

‘Girlfriends?’ is written clearly on hers and she knows what it means. Ochako was going to ask her if she wanted to make things official. 

“I screwed up” she chews on her lip as she pulls her food from the fridge and brings it over to the microwave to heat up. 

‘Ochako was trying to be romantic and I messed it up.’ After setting the time and pressing start she goes to the sink and grabs an empty glass before grabbing her small pill case to empty the night section of today, or yesterday since it's 2am now. 

After swallowing the five different pills of different shapes and sizes she sets the now empty glass down before going to the beeping microwave.

She takes out her food and the smell of Ochako's cooking fills her lungs.

It smells good and makes her mouth water. She knows she's going to love it without even having taken a bite yet.

She takes her now warm food and goes to the table to eat, but just as she's about to dig in with the silver spoon in her hand, Ochako walks in and yawns as she scratches at her stomach.

The hints of the scar Himiko gave her peeking out from underneath Ochako's shirt make her mouth go dry.

Their eyes only briefly meet for just a moment before Ochako's eyes go to the food in front of her then to the fridge. 

The look of tired hunger on her face tells her everything.

Himiko doesn't say anything as Ochako walks off and begins to heat up her own portion of food, though it feels like Ochako might pass out at any second. 

‘Did I wake her up?’

Himiko looks down at her own food and how she still hasn't taken a bite of it yet, then after she hears the microwave go off she stares at Ochako as she sets her plate down across from her.

‘I guess I can answer her question now while we eat. Maybe. But if I do then how should I tell her?’ She tries to think of how to broach this subject as they both stare at their food without either of them making a move to start first.

‘Is she waiting for me?’

They both sit in silence for what feels like forever as neither of them move to eat first. It feels awkward between them until Himiko grabs her spoon and presses it into her food. Then it's like Ochako is an obedient pup that was finally given permission to eat as she starts to dig in eagerly.

Himiko thinks for a moment about what just happened and sighs as she takes some of the rice and egg into her spoon to eat it.

‘I've heard of having manners but maybe Ochako is taking things a bit too far.’ she hopes Ochako wasn't like this all the time with izuku, it makes her feel a bit strange right now because she doesn't know what to think and she doesn't know how izuku would react. 

‘They dated since last year right?’

She takes her time enjoying every bite of her food because Ochako made it. It makes her happy to eat food made by the girl she's been in love with for so long.

‘The girl I gave my life to’

The tears of happiness in the corner of her eyes probably concern Ochako because she tries to ask if she's okay. But she's just really happy right now that she gets to share such a domestic scene with the girl she loves.

It's better than a dream could be.

“Himi?” Ochako calls her name after finishing another portion of her food. 

“I'm fine Ochako, just thinking about you, and how perfect you are, and how much I love this” she takes another bite of her food and she notices that Ochako does too at almost the same time. Ochako's cheeks light up a bright red at the compliment, but she's distracted by something else right now.

‘Is she only eating when I do?’ She's curious if that's actually true or she's just overthinking things.

She tries something and sets her spoon down for a moment and sees that Ochako becomes almost sad and stops eating because of it. 

‘Huh?’

But when she picks up her spoon again a hesitant eagerness fills Ochako's eyes and she can't stop thinking of a cute puppy. 

Himiko feels a confusing swirl of emotions right now because of that thought. 

A part of her thinks maybe something is making Ochako do that unconsciously while another part contemplates if it's because Ochako is trying to be thoughtful or it's just an old habit she has.

It's all confusing, especially because she doesn't know anything about Ochako personally.

But when Ochako smiles happily when she says the food is delicious Himiko laughs a little because she keeps imagining Ochako like a cute puppy.

‘She would be an adorable dog.’

“Himi?”

“Sorry Ochako, I'm just thinking about something I noticed about you, something that makes you even cuter~”

Ochako looks down at her plate with a heavy blush before hesitantly taking another bite.

But then Ochako's eyes go wide when Himiko holds out her spoon to feed her some of her own food. 

“H-himiko?” She watches as Ochako's eyes look at the spoon she's holding in front of her before hesitantly taking the food into her mouth.

“You're a really good-” but the sudden clattering of Ochako's spoon on the floor as she coughs fills her with concern. Especially because of how red Ochako's cheeks become.

“Ochako?!”

“I'm fi-....ahem….. Fine Himiko” she can tell Ochako's not telling her the whole truth as she goes to the sink to get some water to drink. 

‘Did I do something?’

Himiko thinks about what just happened and how odd it was. She was trying to tell Ochako that she's good at cooking and she almost made her choke. 

Maybe it's how she said it. 

‘You're a really good……’ why did Ochako react like that to those words?

Unfortunately, being a complete shut-in for years against her will without talking to anyone else has messed with her thoughts, and the items Bulbel gave her doesn't help either.

‘You're a really good girl’ are the words her lonely mind dredges up from out of the blue.

‘That's not it, I'm probably just really tired, and possibly just horny.’

She stares at the back of Ochako's head as she takes gulp after gulp of water before letting out a sharp breath. When she's done Ochako comes back to finish her food and this time she doesn't wait for Himiko to eat first. 

Himiko decides to finish her food too, it's getting extremely late and she's definitely not going to work tomorrow, today . 

It is Ochako's birthday

Though right now would be the perfect time for them to talk about things. Like the last ten years, why Ochako reciprocates her feelings even after everything she did. Why her quirk lets her connect to Ochako to the point where it feels like their souls are one. Where she's been this whole time. Why she's going by Suzume. The deal she has.

About bulbel and everything surrounding her.

There's so much she wants to talk about, but she doesn't……because she's too focused on those stupid thoughts from earlier 

‘Ochako reminds me of a puppy. She's so cute!’

That thought is ruining everything she's trying to think of saying to the girl that deserves so many answers.

She averts her eyes from the other girl as she tries to think of something else besides that dumb thought, like how she's going to answer Ochako about being girlfriends.

But that thought keeps nagging at her mind and a part of her is scared she might upset Ochako if she said that to her.

‘I need to go to bed, maybe my brain needs to restart’ when they both finally finish their food Ochako reaches forward to grab her plate so she can put it in the sink. 

“Here let me put these in the sink”

“You don't have to Ochako I can do it”

She needs a distraction so she can sort her thoughts. Unfortunately Ochako insists until she relents.

‘Maybe I'll be able to think clearly tomorrow’ but she still doesn't feel tired enough to fall asleep yet. Instead she feels like there's a thrumming of energy in her system. 

‘I hope I didn't mess up meds again’ if she did she just needs to wait it out. She hates when feeling shitty because of medication, at least it's better than before when she refused to take it. 

‘It's not trying to fix me, it's helping me’ it's another thing her parents made her afraid of, they always made grandiose claims about what medication would do to her and sometimes threatened to put her on it so it would ‘fix’ her.

She's thankful for Bulbel helping her with those fears she had, though it tastes bitter now that she knows the truth about her.

Himiko looks around the room for a distraction from her thoughts so she can think of something important but it isn't working and she can't think of something that will tire her out or help her think. 

Something that's not sex that is.

‘I should just go to bed.’

“Himiko, do you want to go to bed now?” She nods at Ochako and gets up to go back to Ochako's bedroom.

“Can you grab my meds from the counter Ochako” Ochako gives her a gentle nod before going to get them as Himiko leaves. 

The ping of another message from her phone makes her sigh and she's half tempted to just turn it off, especially when she sees it's from keigo.

Hermes: We need to talk Himiko 

She doesn't want to talk with him right now, and probably won't for a while.

After entering the room she grabs the kuromi plush from Ochako's bed and hugs it tight as she sits down. 

“Hah……” There's so much to think about and do, she doesn't know where to start. She can't focus right now and she keeps thinking about unnecessary things. 

‘I want to cuddle with Ochako’ Maybe tomorrow she can show Ochako what's happened to her quirk and show her the problems she's been having with it ever since the war ended.

A nagging thought tries to ask ‘isn't that all the time?’ but she silences it and lies down in Ochako's spot from earlier.

When Ochako finally comes back with her meds she smiles gently and wide enough to show off her fangs. The blush she gets from Ochako means everything to her.

“You can put them in the bag Bulbel brought Ochako” Ochako nods to her before doing what she said. But then suddenly Ochako's face becomes a deep red as she stares into the fabric bag decorated in birds. 

It takes Himiko a second to guess what it is before realizing it's probably the collar Bulbel put in, and knowing the older woman she was a hundred percent serious about it.

“Ocha-” Himiko goes quiet when she sees a strangely familiar look in Ochako's eyes. One that feels like she's seen it many times before. 

“Hmmm?” she gets off the bed and walks over to Ochako who quickly closes the bag before rushing over to the bed.

She watches as Ochako nervously picks up the kuromi plush to hug. The way she picks at the thick pads on her fingers makes Himiko curious of what she's thinking right now.

“Ochako does this make you uncomfortable?” She grabs her pills from the bag and sets them to the side before grabbing the bag and holding it away from Ochako.

If it upsets her she really should get rid of it. She doesn't want to make Ochako uncomfortable in any way.

Ochako's eyes go wide because of her words and there's a moment where Himiko feels like she can tell what Ochako is going to say before she does it. 

She hopes it's not her quirk acting up again.

Himiko is prepared to get rid of it at any moment until Ochako's eyes flick away from her and she says something that doesn't surprise her for some reason even though it probably should.

“N-no……it……it doesn't Himiko………..” Ochako's ears are burning red as she buries her face into the plushie as if she's trying to hide from her.

“Hmmm?” Himiko looks down at the bag for a moment and thinks about Ochako's words, then she does something that is probably stupid and takes out the collar inside to look at it.

It's a basic collar with nothing really special about it, the only noticeable thing about it is the color. 

A bright blood red that pulls up memories from long ago. It makes her feel a storm of feelings, but the main one is what happened during those three years.

She remembers all the shit she did in those miserable years stuck in that building that was no better than a prison. From getting into arguments with random people online about Ochako and getting banned on multiple accounts and places to looking through the most depraved and odd places on the Internet out of boredom. She didn't have a lot of things to do in that place even if she was allowed to do more than if she was in a regular prison. 

But sometimes she wishes they did just lock her up instead of this whole thing about trying to redeem her or whatever keigo thinks this is. Maybe it would have been easier then everything else that came after, death would have been kinder to her, at least in the beginning.

She has too many scars on her body and issues because of that choice keigo made.

All those years were lonely, and deadly silent especially when keigo or Bulbel weren't around.

She hated it all because it left her alone with her thoughts, and free reign to do almost anything she wanted, even if it hurt herself and made her more miserable.

Music was one of the things she used as an escape from the lonely and depressing reality she lived in during that time, and still does. From practicing singing because she had foolish dreams that one day she could sing to Ochako and they could be something besides just enemies, to picking back up that instrument she was forced to play as a kid until her fingers would start to ache and split.

The violin, an instrument she hated playing as a kid because it always hurt and she never sounded good enough, even after finally learning how to play it properly. 

But during that time of boredom and emptiness she also learned about many kinks and fetishes, some of them she wishes she never learned while others interested her. 

Like ones about a collar just like this.

But Ochako's words make a dilemma form in her mind, one she's thought about many times on lonely nights. 

Does she want to wear it herself? Or does she want Ochako to?

Ochako's eyes flick between her own and the collar in embarrassment again and again, but she never looks away from either of them. 

Himiko decides to make a choice that might not be the best course of action and undoes the small buckle. The moment the metal and leather come undone, Ochako makes a quiet noise that she can barely hear. It makes something stir inside her gut before settling in her core.

‘Does she like collars?’ She takes careful measured steps over to Ochako with the undone collar and holds it close to her chest. She's hesitant about doing anything with it—she doesn't want to upset Ochako by doing something she hates.

But she's still curious—something that's probably the worst thing to be right now with Ochako. A single card placed in the wrong place could make what they have fall down like a house of cards.

Like the ones her and Jin used to make.

Ochako's hazel-like eyes watch her deft and well trained fingers—honed by years of playing something that fills her with such complex emotions— play with the clasp as she thinks about what to do next.

The way Ochako stares at it interests her and makes her feel strange things, but a good kind of strange. One that makes her feel light and airy, as if Ochako's using her quirk on her.

Her fingers move the collar between her fingers until it's facing the right direction, then she moves it slowly towards her own neck. 

“.............” Ochako mumbles something she can't hear and looks away from her with something similar to disappointment.

‘Does she not want me to wear it?’

Himiko contemplates her next action seriously for a moment and the consequences that could happen—ones that frighten her beyond belief because right now it's possible she is just misreading the situation and could need everything up—before pulling the collar away from her neck and instead leans slowly forward.

The moment the collar comes close to Ochako something new and almost guttural and needy fills Ochako's eyes. The way Ochako stares at her with eyes like that, filled with something close to reverence, makes Himiko's heart beat faster.

With every inch Himiko moves the collar closer to Ochako's neck that emotion simmering beneath Ochako's gaze gets stronger and more visceral. 

Ochako's hands dig deeply into the bed, not because she's uncomfortable but because she's holding something back.

Something that wants this to happen.

The moment the smooth leather touches Ochako's bruised neck— filled with the marks Himiko gave her over the last two days—the brunette shudders and a melancholic but lustful look fills her eyes. 

“Himiko….” she stops in place just as it's wrapped halfway around Ochako's neck. Both sides of the open clasp hang around Ochako's neck in the front as the blood red leather wraps around the back.

It would only take a single quick motion to close the clasp but Himiko waits obediently for Ochako to finish her words.

What Ochako might say next feels like it's going to be a plea to stop before this goes too far. She's almost sure it is, that's what this thing brewing deep in her chest is saying.

But instead of those words she's waiting to hear Ochako swallows once then licks her lips to wet them before nodding.

“Keep going”

The moment Ochako gives her permission to continue a tension that she's been carrying all this time fades and is replaced with giddiness and excitement she's never felt before. 

Something needy and eager to keep going.

Her fingers begin to close the collar around Ochako's neck agonizingly slowly to the point where it feels almost frustrating, but she doesn't want to move too fast and mess this up. 

As she threads the end of the smooth red leather through the clasp Himiko gives it a small and light tug to make sure it's at the right length and fits comfortably on Ochako.

“ Hagh-!”

But that small and meek noise Ochako makes stuns her for what feels like hours as heat pools in her chest then lower and lower. All she can do in those few seconds is look at Ochako and be reminded of a puppy.

A part of her wonders what breed she would be in those few seconds.

It makes her face warm and bright pink just thinking about it, and the eagerness to continue in those beautiful hazel eyes she loves means so much to her at this moment. 

Himiko carefully slides the clasp to the right length so it's not too tight or too loose and presses the small metal bar into the right hole before finally pulling the end of this bloody leather through the other side of the clasp. 

The moment she's done Ochako lets out a sharp and heady gasp that fills her with such a deep seated need to do so much. 

Such sinful thoughts fill her head that would set a church on fire if she even came near one.

But then it's doused just as quickly when she sees Ochako's teeth as she takes in sharp short breaths filled with arousal and other emotions that are too complicated to figure out right now.

“ Himi~” her thumb goes into Ochako's mouth and traces against her front teeth until she reaches those sharp canines on her right side that are just like hers. 

Fangs that gave her so much awful pain and tore her parent’s love away from her, or they just needed an excuse to despise her.

The feeling of Ochako's tongue brushing against her thumb as saliva begins to pool in her mouth tries to burn pleasantly in her stomach. 

But her mind is too distracted by Ochako's teeth, and those fangs that are just like hers. Ones that weren't there a minute ago, or a day ago, or even ten years.

So why are they there now?

Her other thumb presses into the other side of Ochako's mouth and she rubs each of those fangs with her fingers over and over again to see if they are really there. 

‘She can't have my quirk, she can't, I only got hers that's all, that's how it was supposed to be!’

“Highhmi~” Ochako's words are garbled by her fingers and the pool of saliva dripping down her chin.

Her thoughts begin to spiral as a sense of dread overcomes her, but the moment Ochako taps her forearm once Himiko stops and pulls out her fingers covered in saliva. 

Ochako gasps sharply and swallows the liquid in her mouth before panting.

“Himiko that was…..”

“I'm sorry Ochako I-”

“Please, do that again ” those complicated and messy feelings she has about those fangs in Ochako's mouth start to fade away and be replaced by these other feelings she still has. 

Ones that she's never really felt before now because she's never been with anybody but Ochako.

Those feelings burn at nerves as she stares at Ochako wearing a collar she's dreamed many times of Ochako wearing, even the color is the same. 

“ Please~” Ochako's hands start to slip onto her waist and pull her close until they are flush together and she is sitting in her lap.

She's mesmerized by those beautiful eyes that remind her of chocolate. Her heart picks up with every touch Ochako gives her sides. A part of her wants to whimper but she holds it back. 

‘I thought they were exaggerating in those stories’

Her eyes flick down at Ochako's hands softly pressing into her hips then at Ochako.

It feels Ochako could dominate her easily without even trying right now but a part of her still feels like Ochako could submit to her every selfish whim if she just asked. 

Both of them are too tempting because she doesn't know which one she would prefer.

She wants to find out so badly which one ochako will give her but as they both slip into bed together side by side she stops caring because she can tell ochako is about to give her both of those sides. 

And she can't wait to feel every second of it.

*Ring!* but then her phone rings and tries to interrupt their mood. It makes her want to grind her teeth but instead of letting it get to her they both ignore it and let their lips meet in a wonderful kiss.

She's so perfect.

*Ring Ring!* 

*Ring Ring!*

*Ring Ring!*

Himiko slips her phone out of her pocket and does her best to shut it off as they both kiss so lovingly again and again, even if each one is punctuated by an annoying ring. Unfortunately one wrong press of her finger ruins everything and they both hate it. 

“Himiko, I need to talk to you right now! Please answer!” She curses at her clumsiness and growls as she finally talks to the man she's been starting to hate again. 

“WHAT!?” but it's only after she yells at him through the phone that she realizes he didn't call her Suzume, like he's supposed to.

Something's wrong, very very wrong. 

“I'm sorry, they started to review your deal now that you're almost done and-” the sound of Keigo sighing on the other side of the phone makes her blood go cold as ice and she's afraid of what he's going to say next. 

And when he finally does she ends up doing something stupid she can't take back. 

“They are talking about wanting to extend it for another five years, Himiko, the deadline for their decision is the 31st.” Everything goes dark in that moment as all she can hear anymore is a ringing in her ears and that urge she hates having. One that makes her want to dig her nails into skin and pull until she bleeds. 

Everything she's ever done starts to come crashing down and feel like it was worth nothing. She barely made it past ten and they want another five!!

It's then that she realizes there's no escaping, that they'll always be moving the goal post when she's so close. Just like her parents did every time she tried to please them so they would give her anything besides hate and scorn.

This will be the rest of her life, she'll never be free.

She's going to do something stupid, that's what her mind is telling her, that she's going to do something stupid and ruin everything between her and Ochako. She rushes to the bathroom and slams it closed before Ochako can watch her do it.

There is so much clawing at her mind and the torrents of urges and emotions she feels just make everything worse.

“Himiko!?” She wants to go to Ochako.

But it's far too late now and she knows that soon everything will end between them, and there will be no saving it.

She'll ruin it just like everything else in her life by being stupid and wrong and broken .

But unfortunately she wasn't expecting Ochako to have a key. 

And once the door opens she knows Ochako will get to see one of the ugliest sides of her.

She wishes she just kept the door closed so she doesn't have to see this broken mess she really is 

One who was barely keeping it together all this time.

But at least ochako holds her after everything is done, after the screaming, yelling and begging she does, but none of it was directed at Ochako. She could never yell at her even if she wanted to.

She means everything to her.

And just for a little bit……

A tiny insignificant bit she's glad Ochako came for her, and she's thankful she didn't do anything her stupid throbbing head came up with. 

She doesn't want to see Ochako cry over her. That would be too much for her heart to handle. Sure didn't want to ever show that side of her to Ochako.

Even if it's inevitable.

As Ochako's warmth envelopes her she thinks for a moment that things won't be so bad, at least for this moment.

Maybe the next five years won't be so bad, at least if Ochako's there with her, even if it won't be for long. 

At least for a little bit, just a single day….. maybe she  won't abandon her because she's too much to handle.

At least for a minute, a single second.

Maybe that would be enough for the next five years. 

Just like those vials, Ochako would always leave her. 

But she'll only get one this time, and then never again. 

“I love you Himiko, I always will, because you'll always be mine, right?”

Clingy, obsessive, co-dependent and selfish. That's who she is, but if Ochako will love her for the smallest amount of time she'll take it. 

Even if it doesn't last a single second.

“Yes, I'll always be yours”

“Then I'll be yours too, I promise~”

That's the last thing they both say before she falls asleep.

She'll cherish Ochako's words forever, even if what Ochako feels inevitably changes.

‘Thank you’

Izuku Midoriya

December 27th

“I fucked up.”

“Sure did”

“I need to fix things”

“Probably”

“I need to talk to her”

“Uh huh”

“Kacchan what do I say?”

“What do you think?”

The freckled boy turns to face his old friend as he sips at his drink. 

“Kacchan I came to you for help” izuku glares at his childhood friend who just rolls his eyes. 

“So you came to me and Kirishima for this?” The green haired boy looks at the couch as their rock hard friend plays a game on a handheld console. 

“Stop looking at him playing animal crossing and focus” the explosive boy says almost scathingly.

“Okay, I just need to think about what I'm going to say to her, that's all, right?”

“Sure” izuku glares angrily at bakugou as he drinks the soda in his hand. But the reminder that Bakugou can't drink alcohol for so many reasons quenches his anger. 

“Why don't you just tell him what happened on your guy’s date?” Kirishima suggests as he digs up another fossil he doesn't need.

“Stay out of this eijirou” the blonde boy rolls his eyes at his roommate who is smiling as he gets robbed by a tanuki who he owes a large debt to.

He decides Kirishima’s suggestion isn't a bad idea. 

“We were having fun on our date” 

“Sure you were” 

“But then we saw a couple with kids and she got distracted staring at them for a while.”

“…….”

“Oh is she thinking about having kids? Is that why you broke up?” Kirishima looks up at them both as he shakes his head. 

“No, it was a same sex couple….” Bakugou and Kirishima look at each other for a moment with curiosity.

“And?”

“They were both….. girls ”

The moment he says those words a melancholic look comes over his two friends, they can tell what happened now without even having been there. They've seen her like that before in the past, like when nejire and yuyu moved in together. 

Or when Jiro confessed her feelings to momo during the school festival in their third year.

“Anything else?” Bakugou's posture is more relaxed and calm now as he becomes more serious about this.

“Yes”

“Let me guess, she ended up flirting with another girl on accident and that made you upset” Bakugou's words are a bit scathing but not too harsh.

“No…..Not exactly” Bakugou looks solemn for a moment before he rolls his eyes. He waits impatiently for Izuku to finish answering. 

“Then what?”

Izuku sighs before finally saying the one detail he's been thinking about this entire time for the last three days.. 

“She had sharp teeth, like a shark…….. they reminded me of Himiko, and a part of me felt like she thought that too.” Both of his friends sigh and set everything aside so they can talk to him seriously, even if it's Bakugou who is the only one talking. 

“Are you sorry for what you did?”

“Y-yes” 

“Then tell her, or I will” his eyes go wide because of his old friend's words and he tries to scramble to say anything while Bakugou looks through his phone as if he's bored. 

“Okay, you're right, I'll do it”

“And don't become pissy when you see Himiko with her” those sudden words feel like a record in his head just scratched as all his thoughts derail.

“Himiko?”

Bakugou slides his phone over to him and he looks down at the screen, and sees a picture of someone that looks like Himiko making out with Ochako.

So many feelings fill him at once, but they're not what he should probably be feeling. 

No, instead of becoming jealous or worried for Ochako's safety he becomes calm and feels like a weight he's been carrying since their break up has lifted a bit. 

‘She looks, happy, really happy ’

“You don't look upset, that's definitely Himiko who's sucking her face off” izuku looks at bakugou once before he shakes his head and sighs to himself. A strange energy fills him that none of them understand the meaning of.

“I need to go to talk to her but I'm glad she's accepting that part of herself now” his friend raises an eyebrow at him because of those words as Izuku gets up to leave. 

“Thank you for having me kacchan. I know having a third wheel can suck.” When he says those words Bakugou becomes more tense all of a sudden but he doesn't know why. Whatever it is he can talk to Bakugou about it later, right now he needs to talk to Ochako.

“I'll see you two later” izuku waves bye to them as he takes his case with him and closes the front door behind him gently.

Kirishima frowns at his roommate for many reasons. One of which is because Bakugou has been leaving Izuku in the dark and not saying a lot of things about himself.

“You didn't tell him we're not together anymore?” Bakugou clicks his tongue at his words before getting up to go back to his room.

But he freezes when his old boyfriend says those words that drive fear in his heart. 

“You should tell him the real reason you don't want to live alone katsuki” for a moment the blondes hands begin to smoke before dying out. 

The sharp toothed boy expects Bakugou to be avoidant of this issue but he's surprised when his old boyfriend relents.

“Fine, if he talks to her then I'll tell him”

Kirishima nods in approval before picking back up the handheld he was playing before going back to his game. 

“Thank you katsuki”

He rolls his eyes as he walks down the hallway before closing his bedroom door. He places a hand over his chest as he looks at the medication sitting on his desk.

Ones that he needs for his heart.

Chapter Text

Ochako Uraraka

Some time ago.

It started with a quiet knock on her window, like a small stray rock the size of a nickel hit the glass. It was an all too soft and quiet rasp against the glass that could barely be heard. Quieter than any mouse could be, but to her it was like thunder in a boundless field with a cloudless sky. 

As it should be, because she lives on the twelfth floor and nobody should be outside at this hour, much less this height. 

But that soft rasp barely louder than a mouse squeak or a pebble falling pulls her from her dreams. 

Dreams that……

She can't remember. It's strange. She can't remember what she was doing just now, all she can do is recall that she was asleep.

Sleep…... 

But when did she go to bed? 

Her contemplations are interrupted by another soft rasp against her window, and this time it's much quieter. She wouldn't even have known it was there

if the previous one didn't come, and there wasn't a thin and pale hand pressed against her window. It's eerily like something straight out of a horror story.

She should be fearful and scared of the person at her window. They are twelve stories up and there's nothing to climb on to reach this high. Nobody should be here unless they can fly like a ghost.

She should be afraid. 

But she isn't. 

Instead her padded fingers knead the blanket covering her as she calls to them, whomever they are. 

“Who's there?” but when they hear her voice their hands disappear as if they were just a scared ghost. 

But the sight of them disappearing makes a sudden spike of fear lance itself through her heart and it hurts. 

Words bubble up and pull themselves from her throat, and she can't stop herself from saying that one word that causes her so much pain.

“Himiko?”

When those words fall from her lips that rasping gets louder and their hands press even harder into the window. A part of her wants to be scared that they are going to start pounding on the glass until it breaks. 

But instead they quiet down again and it grows almost silent between them. It almost feels like they really are going to leave this time, but the next sound she hears is thunderous and loud, like the crack of lightning and thunder that follows, and when the rain comes she knows it is. 

“Agh!” but that melodic sound, sweeter than honey, fills her ears and calms something deep within her, but it also makes her anxious because no matter how sweet and lovely it is that sound was made in distress. 

And that sound, sweet and heavenly, should not exist anymore. Fear grips her heart because that voice belongs to someone she can no longer speak to, or hear ever again, no matter how much she wants to. 

But that doesn't stop her from pulling off the blankets covering her and stepping out of her bed as fast as she can. 

All she's wearing is a dark pair of shorts and a black tank top and it feels cold. It's supposed to be summer, but the room feels like it's in the negatives. 

She wants something warm and soft to hold close to her chest. For a moment, just a single brief moment, it looks like she can see her breath in the air, but it's not actually there, just a figment of her imagination, like a dream.

A dream. 

This is a dream, nothing more. But that realization is interrupted by the sound of that rasping against her window. This time it sounds more desperate and the sound of hushed and whispered pleading, muffled by the glass and rain, makes her walk even faster to the window. 

The curtains lying lifelessly at each side of the glass panes tempt her to close them and just go back to bed, and forget this ever happened. Her hands reach for them instinctively and she almost does it, just shut that noise away and never acknowledge it again.

But the moment her eyes glance, just for a fraction of a second, at the window she sees someone that shouldn't be there on the other side, and it stuns her. 

The sight of that familiar and beautiful pale face, that's been haunting her dreams for years, drenched in rain hurts too much to see and she…….

Recklessly opens the window, and lets in the girl that shouldn't be here. 

She might be letting in a monster for all she knows, but she doesn't care. 

She's too weak to refuse them, even if it's just a mimic wearing her skin.

Her soaked figure—drenched so deeply in water to the point her clothes are just a soggy, sopping mess—comes in like it's the most natural thing in the world, the girl who shouldn't be here pulls her into a bone crushing hug, and into her warmth.

She's stunned for a moment as a ghost hugs her close, as if it's the most natural thing in the world, and this isn't just a dream she'll wake up from soon. 

“Chako~” but that hushed and shivering voice, husked and whispered into her ear, while this ghost cradles her head, makes her think that maybe this isn't a dream. 

But it can't be, because Himiko's not here anymore.

She's gone, and never coming back. She needs to let her go……

“Himiko”

“I miss you Chako” but the way this dream figure says those words is strange, and it's almost unsettling because it actually sounds like Himiko is here with her. Actually talking to her.

Actually here. 

But she's not, she can never be.

If she just closes her eyes then this dream will end and she'll never get to see her again.

Never.

The girl who hurt her and everyone else in so many ways. 

The girl who has made her grieve and ponder what life would be like had she actually lived.

The girl she's thought thousands of things about since that fateful day.

The girl she was scared of for so long and didn't understand, but now wishes she could have. 

The one who she wishes could have lived a normal life, one she wishes she was a part of. But now can never be. 

The girl she wishes with all her heart was still here even if it wasn't with her…….

Even if living would have been harder for the both of them. 

She doesn't care if it would have been harder and more painful to live, it would have been better than now when she misses the girl in her arms….. 

The one she fell in love with when she shouldn't have. The girl who still has her heart even after so long.

Tears burn at her eyes while her fingers dig into this soggy ghost's form dripping water all over her floor. 

A part of her just wants to wake up and end this torturous dream, because this ghost isn't Himiko and it never will be. It's just a phantom of grief, and it hurts the longer she holds her

But the warmth she feels beneath the cold and drenched fabric against her padded fingers burns, and she must be a masochist because she wants it to hurt her. As long as it is Himiko's warmth she would enjoy every second of that painful warmth, even if it would burn like hell and char her flesh she would hold her close until her body turned to ash.

She'd burn herself on Himiko even if she was hotter than the center of a star.

“Himiko..….”

“It's cold” there it is again, that voice that sounds so much like the real thing. It makes her chest hurt and wrack with pain. 

She wants to warm her up, but that would be useless, she's just a figment of her imagination.

Nothing she does with her matters, and it hurts .

‘You're just a dream nothing more’ finally she closes her eyes and accepts that this will all fade away. Just like everything else she feels for Himiko will. 

“I love you Himiko”

“Huh?” The soft voice filled with befuddlement derails her thoughts.

Her eyes pull themselves open and she looks at the girl staring at her with confusion. The way those amber eyes look at her with confusion and a deep wariness makes her feel weird. But then those beautiful eyes of amber fill with a fear that makes her confused, and something instinctual inside of her wants to comfort Himiko. 

No, she's not Himiko, just a ghost of her.

And like it didn't even happen that fear fades into a longing that hurts. She can't look her in the eyes and instead stares at her mouth and those fangs chewing on her lip, like she's worried about something. 

She doesn't know why she's imagining that, but the way Himiko's lips look soft distract her.

This ghost’s pretty lips make something broil inside of her, it makes her want to kiss them.

“I wish I could have kissed you” The eyes of the replica in front of her go wide and the milky skin of her face turns a deep red, like the blood Himiko needed so desperately in real life. 

“I wish I could have given you my blood, Himiko” Ochako presses her head against the shade that looks so much like Himiko, and the way their heads press together feels so right.

“My Himiko.” Those words are spoken so easily to this phantom that she wants to kiss.

But she knows deep down she's not really her Himiko.

“I wish I could have loved you like you wanted” that sharp intake of breath and soft swallow she gets from this ghost almost makes her believe, just for a moment, that Himiko is really here. 

But she isn't, and never will be.

“C-chako-o” Those words, softly said and barely audible through the rain, makes her want to believe, for just a single moment, that this really is Himiko in some way, somehow . 

But this is all just a dream, nothing more.

“I love you-” but before this phantom can even finish those words that will break her she leans forward and presses a simple, chaste kiss upon this false Himiko's lips.

The gasp of surprise she receives sets something off deep inside of her heart, something she's always wanted to feel for the girl that she can never love now

But there's a bitterness in this feeling, because she knows that it isn't really Himiko's lips on hers. She has long lost that chance and she regrets never taking it when she could have. 

She'll regret it till the day she dies.

When their lips finally pull away from each other she wants to tell her everything she's felt all this time, since the day she lost her.

“I miss you” when this Himiko's mouth opens to respond she doesn't let her, because this phantom will make her never want to leave this dream. Even if she isn't her, she's still a version of her. She could never turn down or refuse her, not after what they went through, even if it's a fake posing as her.

She loves any version of Himiko no matter what shape or size, or anything else. 

Maybe she can truly love her in their next life. 

“I'd wait an eternity to be with you if I could”

“Me too~” Himiko's voice is bitter sweet to her. It's all she's ever wanted to hear, but it's not her. 

‘She's not my Himiko.’

But that doesn't stop her fingers from running along the hem of her wet clothes, before her thumbs flick at the band to Himiko's pants. 

She can feel her shivering in these clothes and her instincts are telling her to get them off before she gets sick.

And she does.

Piece by piece she helps Himiko undress while their lips meet again and again. With every expanse of warm skin exposed to the open air her fingers crave to touch her, hold her, kiss her, love her, indulge in her, crave her. 

She wants to do so much and imprint every second of this moment into her mind for the rest of her life.

But as she stares down at Himiko, lying beneath her in bed with nothing on and with hair and skin wet from the rain, her heart hammers with affection and love, but also pain.

The tears in her eyes have never stopped falling ever since she saw her image peering from the other side of that window. 

“Chako~” That call of her name hurts to hear, because this is what she imagines being with Himiko would have been like if they ever got that chance.

She wants to believe for just a second that this is how beautiful Himiko would be if they just got to be themselves.

No war, no blood, no heroes, no villains, no sides to play their roles for, no danger of death just…..

Life. 

Life between them both where they don't have to fight, or kill or try to survive. A life where they could just truly live.

It's what she dreams of when she's crying herself to sleep at night, when another anniversary passes and the last time she saw Himiko gets further away another day, year, and eventually they will turn to decades.

And every one is another pin in her heart

But as her fingers flit between Himiko's slick folds she burns this beautiful sight into her memory forever. 

Even if the mewls she gets from this beautiful phantom is just her imagination playing a cruel trick on her, she doesn't care. 

It hurts too much not to touch her. She sobs and sniffles as her wet tears paint themselves across Himiko's beautiful body, and her fingers pump into her until they feel sore and burn painfully. 

But she doesn't stop, she licks and bites and scrapes her teeth across Himiko's body until they bruise.

It pains her to defile the image of the girl that still resides in her heart even after all these years, but even if it hurts to see her like this she kisses her body, from every new scar her mind has placed on Himiko's body to the soft press of her chest against hers.

With every bite, kiss, touch and gaze she gives this phantom of Himiko the more the guilt inside of her grows and the more painful and ruined she makes Himiko's memory.

She's despicable. Himiko should be cherished even if it's in a dream or a distant memory, but now all she will feel for her is guilt, shame, sadness, pain, and so much more that hurts.

“I-I…..” her eyes burn even if she's long ran out of tears to shed, but that doesn't mean her heart doesn't weep for her.

“I love you….” Those words taste as bitter as ash in her mouth, but she can't stop herself from saying the one thing she wishes she could have told Himiko.

“ I love you my Himiko ”

And she spends the rest of this dream showing Himiko how much she would have loved her, if only she was here with her. 

Like she wishes she could be.

“I miss you”

“I miss you too” 

Those amber eyes stare at the girl she loves with reverence and love as they lie next to each other in bed. 

Love.

Something she never got to give her……

…….to Ochako.

The girl that means everything to her

As they begin to fall asleep they look lovingly into each other's eyes and smile a softness and melancholy only for each other. She smiles because this is the only time she'll ever get to see Ochako again, in a dream that she doesn't want to wake up from. 

As they finally begin to fall asleep again, hand in hand, Ochako pulls the blanket up over them both. She wants to giggle and laugh but she's too tired and this dream has been going on for so long, there's no doubt it's morning.

Now it's time to wake up.

“I wish this wasn't a dream Ochako” for just a moment it looks like Ochako is real, and her face contorted in sadness and confusion almost makes her believe it's true. 

Almost.

“Me too” those words her lover in this dream says to her, in a way she wishes was real, make her smile and pull Ochako closer. 

There's so much she wants to say to Ochako and it feels like she wants to do the same. 

But neither of them do. 

Despite how much they want to. 

“I love you, my Ochako” 

“Me too, my Himiko”

When the rain finally stops and the soft patter that's been in the background fades she wakes up all too suddenly. Alone and without the girl she loves next to her, but she can't be sad because memories of that dream swim in her head and they fill her with happiness.

But the realization that she's not in the same state she was in last night fills her with worry.

Naked, bruised and bitten and drenched in what she believes is sweat.

“Last night was a dream right?”

It has to be because no way would Ochako say those words she did last night, but as she gets up and looks at her reflection she freezes. 

Worry fills her mind as she stares at the faint marks on her body that look like the ones Ochako gave her. A part of her wants to believe something did happen last night but…..

“No, it was just a dream, nothing more”

Just a dream.

A beautiful dream

Ochako Uraraka

“🎶 Oh, how I wish you'd wake up one day. Run to me, confess your love, at least just let me say 🎶 “

The young adult woman hums to herself as she walks through the almost vacant streets of the city. Every few seconds she licks at the fangs inside of her mouth contently.

She's really happy today. She hasn't felt this way in a while, not since after graduation.

She's curious why that is, but maybe it had to do with her dream last night. Even though it makes her feel sad to remember it was just a dream, something inside of her feels happy. 

And not even the sound of a bank robbery happening behind her can interrupt her mood.

She quickly follows after them and uses her skills and quirk to apprehend them.

The first two are easy to take down but the third one is harder to catch because they have a weak flying quirk that only lets them float a few feet above the ground.

“Eat shit hero!”

But they're small, fast and nimble. 

The snake-like man dashes through the air as she gives chase to him into an ally she knows is one way. 

When she has him finally cornered against a dead end she dives to catch him and he dashes the other way out of her reach, just like she predicted. 

The way her wires launch out to catch him are so close to entangling. 

But when they try to wrap around him he slips right through them because they can't get a good grip on his skin, and he's too fast for them to close down tight enough. 

She almost curses for letting him get away.

“Haha, sucke-, gah!” but the sudden appearance of a bright blue flame in front of them that immediately solidifies into a small wall of ice makes them crash into it and knock themselves unconscious.

For a brief moment she's happy that shoto showed up to help her, until she remembers that his flames aren't blue, Dabi's are. 

Dread suddenly fills her chest.

She looks around for whoever used their quirk just now, but she doesn't see anybody around. That is until she looks directly behind the pillar of ice and sees some random person that she can barely remember the face of cowering behind it. 

They look like a civilian and also scared out of their mind, though there's something else in their eyes she can't tell the meaning of. Something that tells them they are much more than she thinks.

“Were you the one that used that quirk?” She speaks as she cuffs the unconscious snake like-man. When she doesn't receive an answer from the young woman she glares at the short red haired civilian who only nods and cowers away from her. 

She knows that they are scared of her for many reasons, with reprimanding them for using a quirk without a license as one of the main ones, but they don't seem to mean any harm and she appreciates the assistance.

Though they shouldn't get involved with heroes and villains like that again.

She decides to let them go with just a warning and instead focuses on the villain, who has lost a few teeth by running face first into a block of solid ice.

As Ochako calls this capture in she decides to leave out the information about that woman and just reports that some random passerby helped her but she was too busy capturing the villain to see who it was. 

“Hello? This is Uravity..…”

They ask her for details about the person that helped her and she reports it as an ice quirk and leaves out that blue flame part.

Though thoughts of dabi don't leave her mind as she thinks of that random civilian.

“It's probably nothing,” she waits until help arrives and when she sees Tokoyami with the police she smiles. 

“Hello” 

“Uraraka, you look chipper today” then his other half appears from his body, but sticks to the shade. 

“Hello dark shadow”

“Hello Ochako” the shadowy figure waves at her and she waves back. But both her and dark shadow’s eyes stare at a distracted Tokoyami who's looking off in the distance with a weary look.

“Tokoyami? You okay?” When she calls his name the bird-like boy turns to face her before sighing.

“Sorry, I'm supposed to be keeping track of my…. Partner, we were supposed to go on a patrol but she ran off by herself again” she's curious what he means by that, but the sigh he lets out tells her exactly what it is. 

“You're doing another team up mission again?” Tokoyami closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“I guess you can call it that, if keeping track of a grown woman who keeps running off by herself counts”

“Hmm? Are they difficult to work with?” She's met a decent amount of people that are similar, though mostly that ends up being Bakugou.

“Yes, very much so” he admits unashamedly, without hesitation. 

“Sorry to hear that” she's curious about who is causing him so much trouble. They sound like a pain from how Tokoyami is acting.

“Who is it you're working with?” Tokoyami thinks about what to say as dark shadow makes bunny ears behind Tokoyami’s head. It makes her chuckle.

“She's an odd almost chuunibyou-like girl with a gothic sense of fashion and a foreign sounding name that she probably made up, and no I don't remember what it was” that sentence makes her giggle to herself because she thought someone like that would get along with him. 

“I think she's probably your type” dark shadow mumbles to themselves. 

“She hates men dark shadow, and no, she's not” The both of them go back and forth for a bit before she interrupts.

“You must really dislike her if you don't like her despite that aesthetic” he groans and pouts before looking at his shadowy half.

“I think she can be fun, when she's not being like that” Dark shadow says as they shift through the air and turn to watch the villain be taken away.

“Like that ? What do you mean?” She's curious what dark shadow means but thankfully Tokoyami fills her in. 

“She appears almost violently sadistic when fighting but she's actually dangerously reckless and acts like she wants to get hurt, she also won't stop going off on her own, even if she gets easily tired and exhausted” she grimaces at his words as she tries to imagine what kind of girl that could be. 

All she can think of is those typical gothic type girls that Kaminari was always trying to show Tokoyami pictures of at UA.

‘Okay don't remember that, I don't want to know their preferences for that kind of stuff’

As she thinks about his words, Tokoyami's eyes go to the pillar of ice that hasn't even begun to melt yet even after thirty minutes in this weather. 

“Was Shoto here?” She chews on her cheek and feels a lie on her tongue but she decides to tell him the truth. 

“No he wasn't, it was some civilian that was passing by that made that, they helped me catch one of the villains, I gave them a warning not to do that again and let them go” A part of her expects to be judged for her choice but she knows Tokoyami is a kind person. 

“Hmmm,” He hums in acknowledgment. 

She watches as her heteromorphic friend walks over to the pillar of ice and cheeks it out.

It is a lot like something shoto can do, but she doesn't remember if he can turn fire into ice, maybe he can?

When Tokoyami reaches out to touch it he frowns before pulling his hand back.

“It's, warm ”

“Huh?” She steps forward and places her hand on the pillar of ice too and feels how strangely warm it is, it's actually kind of hot.

“Do you remember what they looked like? The one who made this?” Ochako tries to recall what they looked like, but she can't think of anything specific about them. 

“No, sorry, all I remember is that they looked kinda plain and didn't stand out much” Tokoyami takes out his phone and takes a picture of the strange slab of hot ice before typing something to someone who is probably Shoto, though dark shadow tries to steal his phone before he can hit send. 

She thinks they're cute and just like siblings who have lived their whole lives together.

“I need to go look for her, she's probably getting into trouble again” Tokoyami grumbles to himself. She watches as Tokoyami types something else into his phone before putting his phone up to his head. 

When his call is finally answered it immediately hangs up. Tokoyami lets out an annoyed sigh before pocketing his phone again. 

“I'd rather deal with Hagakure and Aoyama flirting than this.”

She wants to give her friend a hug to comfort him, but instead lets him leave as she tries to remember what that girl looked like.

But for some reason she just can't.

????:????

???????

After getting far enough away from Ochako her crystal blue eyes look around herself nervously every few seconds, and with every one that passes she becomes more worried. She feels paranoid about everyone around her from passing civilians to heroes in the distance. 

Everyone's eyes are on her and she can feel it, that's what her mind is telling her, even if no one is actually looking at her.

She knows what it is that's making her like this, and she needs to stop it before she loses herself to it.

Her eyes fall on some random cafe that fits what she needs right now, a place where she can be alone without anybody seeing her or getting nosy. 

‘I hope they have a bathroom.’

She tries to rush towards it but her body is already a shaking and a quivering mess that barely lets her move. 

But even still she decides to enter, even though the amount of people inside makes her wary and fearful of something happening. 

She needs to avoid touching anybody.

But when she grabs the handle to the door to open it it turns to dust before reassembling itself. She wants to curse to herself because of what just happened, but she stays calm and carefully pulls it open.

‘Just don't touch anyone. I'll be fine’ she needs to avoid getting attention on herself or running into anyone. Just for a little bit longer.

She looks around the almost packed cafe and sees the bathrooms out of the corner of her eye.

‘There.’ 

She does her best to make her way to them, through the crowded space full of people she wants to avoid. 

She's close to them after a few seconds pass, just a few more feet and she can finally stop this.

But when she is about to finally reach the bathrooms she bumps into someone that was coming out by accident and her body suddenly becomes wracked with blood boiling pain and gut wrenching agony as tears fill her eyes that have become pinpricks. 

She wants to scream in pain because of how much it hurts, but she holds her tongue and pushes through it.

“Are you okay?” the woman she bumped into asks worriedly.

“I'm f-fine ” she ignores them because her heart beats so loud in her ears it's deafening and she can barely even hear them.

‘It hurts! Make it stop!’

She rushes past them and into the restroom, one that smells of too much cleaning fluids, and goes to the nearest empty stall she can find.

It feels like she's about to collapse at any moment and it feels like there's something writhing beneath this skin she's wearing, because it is.

After closing the stall behind her she locks it as fast as she can and finally relaxes. 

She can finally let everything she's been holding in all this time drop away from her until there's nothing left but the clay-like substance at her feet. 

“Fuck.”

When she feels her own skin again she gasps for air and takes heavy breaths her lungs desperately need. 

‘How does she do this so easily?’

As she finally begins to calm down her eyes fall on the mess of clay-like substance lying at her feet.

She coughs and shudders against the stall door as her lungs finally expand the way they want to.

“Damn it!” her dark brown eyes look down at the mess she made on the floor. She lets out a deep and guttural sigh as she lies against the door. 

Her heart is so loud.

“I thought I was stronger.” The woman takes deep and paced breaths to calm herself and let the pain of her quirk pass.

But then she feels it.

“Damn it!” there's a sudden gurgling in her stomach before she rushes to the toilet and throws up everything she has left from what she ate this morning. 

The woman pants and heaves as everything comes up a few more times before she wipes away the sick from her mouth.

“I hate this” she closes her eyes to try and relax but all that comes to mind is that prison and that bastard that tried to steal her quirk. 

The memory of all those people screaming in her mind and clawing at her when he tried to take her curse still haunts her.

At least it was the same for him too…..

……But not without consequences for her.

She flushes the toilet and washes out her mouth in the sink before leaving the restroom. Though people are making a commotion near the windows when she does. 

‘I want to go to bed, I'm exhausted’

“Who is that outside? They look scary”

“I think it's a villain?”

“Ah! Wait, it's her! Mircalla Nachzehrer Finch!”

“Who?”

“What kinda fucking name is that?”

“She's that one hero!”

“She's probably just some no name trying to stand out”

“She just went up in the rankings recently, I hear she's doing a team up mission here for a while!” 

“She looks more like a villain than a hero if you ask me.”

“If she's not in the top hundred does it even matter who she is?”

Everyone is so distracted by the commotion outside they don't pay her any mind. At least there's nobody at the counter since everybody's too busy looking at what's outside.

‘I'm tired, and I need a drink’

She needs to get this foul taste out of her mouth.

She's about to give the lady behind the counter her name, but then she hears a strangely familiar but muffled voice coming from outside.

It's soft and melodic, but also intense and filled with guttural emotions laced inside of it.

“Ahaha! Forsake your foolish and banal will of rebellion for utter despair……!” There is a long pause as what sounds like villains yell explicits and curses at whoever that is.

“Fuck off princess!” 

“………For there is no repentance for these abominable deeds of sin you have wrought upon this world!" That young girl's voice is eerily familiar as she joyful belts out those words filled with intense emotions. But she doesn't know why.

She's curious who that is outside but when she catches sight of black and red tipped hair through the crowd she decides to ignore them.

It's just a random hero.

"Name please Miss"

"Sakiko Hiyodori"

It's probably nothing.

“Be devoured by your own prideful and ignorant sin, and engrave this sheer terror upon your hearts until you go mad with utter desperation!” Her voice says almost gleefully again.

“Shut the fuck up bitch!!”

“Get out of our way!”

“Graghhh!” There's loud yelling outside that sounds dangerous and like a fight has broken out. But then the next word that everyone inside hears is apathetic and empty but fills every one inside with a deep sense of dread. 

“Mizuchi, devour”

Then the sound of scared screaming that comes next is loud and blood curdling, before the sound of inhuman wailing replaces it, but it's all too brief and soon ends in a sickening silence.

The look of horror and sickness upon the crowds faces makes her feel uneasy, and it gets worse when she hears those words. 

“They're still alive?”

“Oh god is that, blood ?!”

“I think I'm going to be sick!” Most of the crowd of people begin to disperse from the window as she sits down in a seat that isn't taken. 

All their words worry her, and her instincts to act make her want to do something. 

But she doesn't.

When there's no one left at the window she gets to finally see the person they were talking about and the quirk that makes them all scared.

And a part of her is fearful of that bloody scene left behind and that small girl, dressed in blackish red, standing in the middle of it all holding a blood soaked umbrella.

Then with a single flick of her wrist she closes it and splashes the blood across the ground. It's sickening to see, but the way that darkly dressed girl begins to sing to herself like nothing just happened is even more disturbing.

“🎶 Ru, ru-ru-ru-ru-ru 🎶”

Chapter Text

The soft snores Himiko makes against her bosom and the way her thin fingers dig deep into the flesh of her back are comforting to her. 

The feeling of Himiko's warmth pressed into her own form as sleepy mumbles are whispered in hushed breaths every once in a while from the girl clinging tightly to her clothed form is calming, to the point Ochako's eyes flutter close every few, brief, seconds before opening again.

She just wants to fall asleep in Himiko's warmth. But she doesn't, because Ochako just woke up an hour ago and she's too awake to go back to bed.

Her deep brown eyes trace along messily strewn long blonde hair before they fall on the pale skin of her lover's adorable sleeping face. It's cute how she nuzzles every few seconds deeper into her ribcage. It's as if the girl she loves more than anything is trying to dig out her organs and hollow out her chest until there's a space only for her inside, a space that's right next to her heart. 

Himiko.

As Ochako takes in Himiko's sharp but also lovingly soft features, her eyes drift to her cute nose and then to her soft lips.

Thoughts of kissing them invade Ochako's mind for a brief moment before her gaze falls on those sharp eyes that have softened over the years, but still retain a hint of a cat sleeping peacefully that could pounce any minute. A that's curled right up against the warmth inside her heart. 

Her mind can't help but wander to the last time she felt this way, and only one person really comes to mind. 

Izuku Midoriya. The boy who she thought would always be in her life, just like this.

A part of her yearns for her old love, even now as she embraces Himiko. The girl who means so many things to her. 

The feelings Ochako has for her are like a ball of yarn that's grown bigger and more knotted over the years until recently, now she has to unwrap every single knotted thread one by one. 

Forgiveness, anger, hate, desire, yearning, sadness, fear, curiosity.

All of those threads knot and mix with the feelings of love, affection, care, lust, pride and want for Himiko in her heart.

All of those threads of emotion are for the girl she wants to be her girlfriend, and so, so much more.

She's always had dreams during the day and night about Himiko ever since the war ended, and what could have been, but maybe now they can be. Some of them were embarrassing and very vivid, like those dreams were actually real, while others were vague and murky, like trying to swim at the bottom of the ocean, and the only light down there was Himiko.

But there's always one dream she would always have more than the others.

A dream of that boundless sky and endless field, the one place she could always see Himiko again. 

In her dreams.

She always woke up crying after those ones. She's spent quite a few mornings and nights being comforted by Izuku.

A soft nuzzle against her chest pulls Ochako's mind from those melancholic thoughts.

This is perfect.

Maybe just a few more minutes of sleep would be enough for me. It's not like I have work today anyways. 

Maybe I should take a few more days off.

A part of her feels guilty because of those thoughts. People could get hurt or die if she doesn't go to work. That's why she's always working.

But right now she just wants to spend more time with Himiko, as much as she can take. 

It's not like I have anything other than patrols to do.

Maybe just this once, she can take some time for herself. She hasn't done that since…… …ever .

Ochako frowns at the sudden reminder of Izuku’s words and why they broke up. She really hasn't done anything for herself in so long. 

Ochako contemplates her ex-boyfriend's words as her eyes trace over Himiko's lithe body wrapped tightly around hers.

She's cute.

Being with her is so different than being with Izuku. ’

Izuku sleeps like a log sometimes, and other times he holds her close, like a little kid holding on to their mother. 

But the way Himiko holds her is close to desperation, like she's scared of her disappearing or leaving at any moment. It's almost painful how tightly she clings to her. 

But it's not uncomfortable at all to be held like this, no. It's lovely the way Himiko holds on to her, and entangles their bodies like she wants them to become one.

It makes Ochako want to melt into her touch and hold her back the same way.

Himiko is also a lot warmer than him, even if she's a decent amount smaller than him. She also mumbles sweet nothings in her sleep, and sometimes whimpers Ochako's name.

Sleeping with Himiko is so much different from being with Izuku, but she likes it. Himiko burns her just from being close, and she wants more of it. Ochako wants to be touched by Himiko's fire until she burns to ash.

She wants to embrace these flames until it melts into her chest and fills her lungs with smoke until she can't breathe.

Ochako likes being held like this, to feel the press of Himiko's fingers digging, almost harshly, into her skin. 

It makes her feel masochistic to want all this, even if it actually hurt her. But as long as it is Himiko she wouldn't mind some pain.

Her cheeks turn red as memories of last night come forth. 

She let Himiko put a collar on her.

That was….. embarrassing, but…..

‘I liked it’ She's never really had thoughts of wearing a collar before because that's strange and not normal……...

Actually that's not true, she has thought about it, every…….. once in a while…….

That's a lie. She thinks about it often, especially when she and Izuku used to be intimate together.

It was fun and lovely to be with him, but….. She kinda felt like she wanted to do something else whenever they did that. 

Izuku’s very loving and sweet. But he also doesn't really seem like he does kinks or knows anything about them. Which is fine……. It's not a problem……

At this moment thoughts of Izuku’s words fill her head. 

Ones that make her feel guilty because she never told him about this desire she has, and always held back from talking about it with him.

I felt scared to say anything to him about it, but maybe I should have, maybe that's another reason we broke up.

Ochako never communicated those feelings she had to him, just like so many others she never said anything about. 

She needs to be more honest with herself and stop hiding or suppressing things from now on, she doesn't want the same thing to happen with Himiko. 

I don't want to lose her.

Ochako sighs as her fingers go to the collar around her neck and trace around the smooth leather and metal clasp.

I forgot to take it off.

Her fingers run along the metal clasp and she's half tempted to undo it and take it off. 

But honestly, she doesn't want to. She wants to wear it everyday.

I'm weird.  

But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. At least with Himiko.

Her fingers run along Himiko's back as thoughts knock at the back of her head. Ones about the collar she is wearing, and how it's the exact one she's always thought about for so long. 

It's perfect, too perfect. Is this Himiko's collar? Or is it my…….

She still doesn't know what to call that woman. Cousin? Aunt? Distant relative? She's certainly not a close member of her family otherwise she would have heard about her before. Her parents haven't ever mentioned a sakiko before.

She's telling the truth right?

Ochako decides to put that thought away for later and instead uses her padded fingers to trace small loving circles across Himiko's back. The feeling of every segment of bone she feels—from running her deft fingers up Himiko's spine, to the feeling of Himiko's ribs every time she dares to press a little bit harder—is guttural and so real .

Himiko is real. She's really here with me.

Desires brew inside her chest that make Ochako want to explore every little bit of Himiko. From the tip of her head to the bottom of her toes. 

I want to see all of her, and maybe she can do the same to me too.

Her small ministrations across her lover's back pull a tired mumble from Himiko's lips. It's a quiet grumble that is barely audible to the human ear. It's so quiet she couldn't even hear it unless Himiko was already as close as can be.

“Cha…..ko~” Himiko mumbles her name softly and it makes a smile grace Ochako's lips.

Himiko's really clingy. I feel like I'm a body pillow to her. But I guess that's expected, for the both of us, we haven't seen each other in over ten years.

That fact makes Ochako's heart fill with an almost endless sorrow and regret. It makes her almost angry that she had to spend this long without Himiko in her life. 

But those feelings, that taste more bitter than vinegar, soon fade away, and instead the feeling of being content with being here, holding the girl that means so much to her, replaces it.

Ochako hums sweetly to herself as the sunlight streaming through her window warms her skin.

It's a lovely and pleasant feeling.

It's almost as lovely as her lover's warmth.

It's a nice day, and it would be a perfect chance for her to take Himiko on a date, and finally ask if Himiko wants to be her girlfriend. 

But right now she doesn't want to move or be anywhere but here, right where Himiko is sleeping, curled into her bosom right next to her heart. 

All Ochako wants to do is stay here in bed all day and never leave, even if it's her birthday and her friends are probably going to be doing something for her.

But she just wants to relax and stay right here until Himiko wakes, then they both can decide what to do together. 

But then much to her dismay Ochako hears her phone, sitting on the bedside table next to Himiko's, ping with a text message and that sharp and artificial sound almost ruins this moment.

Almost.

Ochako pulls Himiko closer as thoughts of work fill her head.

I don't want to get up. I don't want to leave her.

She's tempted to just close her eyes and ignore anything that isn't the soft and even breathing from the girl she loves.

But the sound of two more messages coming one after another in quick succession annoys her, and it further drives a pin into her skull. 

I should check if that's work, if it's just my friends then I can just ignore it. 

Ochako's eyes flick over Himiko's sleeping form.

I don't think I'm going to leave this room today.

Reluctantly, and carefully, Ochako pulls herself from Himiko's embrace, but then a small whine escapes Himiko's lips that makes her feel devastated. 

“No…. Don't go……” Ochako feels guilt forming inside her heart for trying to leave, and it gets even worse when Himiko begins to wake up, and she sees hints of her golden amber eyes. 

“Ocha…..ko?” The look of hurt in Himiko's gaze as she starts to wake up is too much for Ochako to handle. She can't stop herself from pulling Himiko close and apologizing for what she did, even if it wasn't wrong.

“I'm sorry Himiko, someone sent me some messages. I didn't mean to wake you. I was just answering them”

“Chako” Himiko rubs at her tired eyes before continuing.

“I'm hungry Chako” Ochako smiles to herself, and to Himiko, because she wants to cook an entire buffet for the girl she loves the moment those words are said.

“Okay, I'll make us some-” 

“I mean for blood Ochako, not….not food, not yet.” Ochako smiles even wider now as something joyful wells up from deep inside her chest. 

She's finally getting the chance to show her love to Himiko and fulfill her words from all those years ago.

“Here Himiko, take as much as you want” Ochako holds up her wrist for Himiko to take. A part of her wishes she would just offer her neck instead. 

The desire to be bitten there burns as she watches Himiko lean forward without a second thought.

But the way Himiko's fangs will soon be painted red quell that thought, and make something guttural form inside of her gut.

Himiko is literally millimeters away from biting into her skin, but unfortunately Himiko's phone pings with a message and sours this mood.

They both sigh in annoyance at the interruption, but that doesn't stop either of them from going through with it. Even if Himiko only leaves a shallow mark with her fangs, barely bigger than a papercut, before licking it once, then finally twice before pulling away. 

Much to Ochako's disappointment, Himiko doesn't take any more.

Her heart thumps heavily in her chest as she watches Himiko lick her lips, then her fangs that are bright like a freshly polished pearl.

Then those amber gems flick to her own.

“Ochako” Desire pools in her gut as they both stare into each other's eyes, and that feeling only gets stronger with Himiko's next words.

“Ochako? You're still wearing that collar.” she mumbles tiredly.

“Huh?” her fingers immediately go to the red leather collar around her neck. She completely forgot it was there for a moment because she was too distracted by Himiko.

“Oh, Uh, right I should take it off, You probably want this back” Ochako runs her fingers across the length of the leather until she finds the clasp and undoes it, a pang longing to put it back burns as she sets it down on the bedside table. 

Ochako pauses for a moment to look at it and how… …Wrong it feels to take it off. But another ping from her phone makes those thoughts away, at least to the back of her mind. 

Ochako grumbles to herself as she picks up her phone. 

I love them but do they really have to send so many messages at this time?

There's over 18 messages she's gotten in the past five minutes and it's becoming annoying, this is the most active she's heard her friends in weeks. 

She almost just dismisses them all and mutes everyone, but then Ochako reads what they say one by one. 

Explodey face : Izuku said he was going to your place, make sure you're girlfriend and him don't start anything.

Ochako rolls her eyes and sighs while going through the rest of her messages. 

I don't want to see him right now.  

She's thankful bakugou warned her, she’s not sure how Himiko would react to him after all this time. 

Memories of when she asked him to be her boyfriend fill her mind and make her feel jealousy for a moment.

Does Himiko still like him?  

Ochako doesn't acknowledge those feelings right now, but she doesn't ignore them either. She can talk about them with Himiko later. 

Ochako goes through all her messages and sees she has gotten a message from almost everyone in class, and all of them are talking about Himiko or Izuku. 

It's almost enough for her to put her phone on do not disturb. 

But the last one she reads catches her eye. It's a message she received last night while they both slept.

It's a message from Hawks.

???: uraraka? This is keigo takami. We need to talk about Himiko. 

“You're talking to Keigo?” Ochako almost jumps out of her skin when she hears Himiko right next to her ear because she didn't even feel Himiko's presence just a second ago, despite her being right next to her all this time.

“Huh? Oh, I'm Sorry I scared you Ochako” Ochako just smiles at her and shakes her head.

“It's fine Himiko, you don't need to apologize.”  Ochako's eyes go back to her phone and look at the message from him again.

“Your brother, um, Keigo wanted to talk to me about you” Himiko's eyebrows furrow as her gaze fills with a complicated mix of emotions after hearing that man's name. It's so complicated that Ochako can't pick out any meaning behind a single one of them. 

Then Himiko's gaze softens.

“I can probably guess what he wants, he probably wants to tell you about my deal or whatever that thing he did is”

“Deal?” Himiko's gaze becomes conflicted before she sighs.

“Yeah, it's….. I'll just let him explain it, he's smarter than me at this stuff” Ochako blinks once then twice before looking down at her phone.

“Is this deal….. Why you were dead for 10 years?” Himiko's eyes fill with tears and she turns away in shame. 

“Yes…… and no”

—

“Yes and no?” Himiko wants to speak and tell Ochako everything from the last ten years, but the sound of Himiko's phone receiving another message interrupts her, but for only just a moment. 

She ignores it, anything other than this can wait.

“I want to tell you everything Ochako, about the last ten years, about where I've been, and the things I've done all these years, about Bulbul and Keigo and those awful three years, but…” there's another ping from her phone and it makes Himiko growl before angrily reaching across Ochako to grab her phone.

“Shut the fuck up” Himiko takes her phone and begins to go to the window to toss it out onto the pavement so they both finally have some peace and quiet. 

“Wait Himiko”

Thankfully Ochako calms her anger, for the most part anyways, by pulling her into a hug. One that is comforting and tight enough that their bodies are pressed into each other's. Just like she's always wanted.

“Please don't throw your phone out the window Himiko, I live on the twelfth floor. Plus you might hit someone” Himiko feels the sudden urge to joke about this not being the first time she's killed someone, but that reminder ruins her mood the more she thinks about it. 

She's a killer, that's not something to joke about. There's far too many people's pain she would be making light of.

Far too many.

She was an awful person for so long, and probably still is.

I don't deserve this!

“Himiko? You look sad, what's wrong?”

I'm just a monster. Nothing more. There's no forgiving me. There is no redeeming me for the things I've done.

“I…..” another ping from her phone makes her just want to fucking-

“I love you Himiko” Himiko freezes solid when Ochako says those words that she's always wanted to hear. But even if they are perfect she can't stop the guilt from filling her heart, it's suffocating.

“Ochako I….”

*Ping!*

Himiko grumbles and turns off her phone before tossing it to the side.

“Ochako, I need to tell you the reason why I …….”

Both of them expect an interruption, but there is none, and Himiko wishes there was because she regrets the next words that come out of her mouth, because they hurt so much to admit. 

“I didn't want you to know I was alive, that's……that's why I…..…” Himiko grits her teeth and cowers away from the girl she loves, because she expects anger and malice for putting Ochako through so much when she could have told her she was alive for almost a decade. But she didn't. 

“I-, I'm sorry Ochako I….” but the way Ochako wraps her up in a loving embrace makes her heart stutter and almost crack.

“I'm sure you had your reasons, Himiko” Ochako's voice is soft and sweet to her. Something she doesn't deserve.

This isn't the response she expected or deserves. She thought Ochako would be upset at her for saying that but….

I'm just an evil person.

It hurts.

“Himiko?” Tears burn her eyes and the way Ochako wipes them away with her thumbs makes even more come out.

“Why aren't you angry at me?” for a moment Himiko sees and feels the denial on the tip of Ochako's tongue. She knows that deep down Ochako should be angry at her because she made the last ten years hell for her, and it feels so wrong to know that Ochako won't say those words and admit the pain she's caused her. 

Scathing words rest on Himiko's tongue as Ochako's lips move. She wants to cry and yell and scream all at once, because right now Ochako deserves every reason to be angry, but Himiko knows she won't be, because—.

“I am upset, Himiko.” Those words destroy every thought she has in that moment and her whole mind goes blank, as her eyes water, but don't spill.

“You are?”

—

“Yes, I am upset Himiko, a lot ,” the way Himiko curls in on herself makes Ochako hesitant to tell her true feelings. But she continues and makes sure to be wary of her words.

“I'm not upset at you Himi, I'm upset because I've missed you everyday the last ten years and there's nothing I could have done about it” Guilt forms in Himiko's eyes and Ochako cups her lovers cheek to wipe away the tears spilling down her face.

“I'm not angry at you Himiko, I promise. You probably have reasons for not telling me you were alive, and I'm not going to be angry at you for that” Ochako bites her lip to think about her words, and her own feelings. 

The emotions she has burning in her chest make her want to explode, but not at Himiko. She's angry at the situation they were in, the war they had to fight in, everything she's learned about Himiko's past and what happened to her. She's angry they couldn't have had a life where they could have just been….

So much more together. 

They could have strangers who just lived a peaceful life without knowing about the other, but neither of them would have to live through so much pain. 

They could have been just some passersby to each other who only saw each other once and wonder who the other was for the rest of their lives. 

They could have been acquaintances in so many ways, they could have gone to the same school but had different classes and only saw each other once in a while, or they could have worked together and never got to really know each other besides a few interactions. 

They could have been friends, who grew closer and closer over the years, they could have been there for each other whenever the other one needed. 

They could have been best friends who did everything together, from talking about the things they love to staying over at each other's homes, and they could have been inseparable the older they got. They could have shared longing glances and thoughts of what if every time they saw each other. But neither of them would close that last bit of distance between them so they could finally become something more.

They could have been lovers who used to be the best of friends, but dared to reach beyond that boundary that separated them and embrace each other every night but would always be scared to be more. 

They could have been girlfriends, who loved each other like no other, and lived together happily for the rest of their lives as every touch they give to another burns and seers, but neither of them could get enough of that feeling. Touching each other's bodies, embracing one another until they both become whole, loving one another as if they were a goddess, devouring every piece of each other's body until there's nothing left, consuming each other's essence until where one begins and the other ends is pointless because that doesn't matter and never will in the past present or future. 

‘And maybe we could have been even more than that.’ 

She's wanted Himiko to be in her life in so many different ways all these years, from the most distant and far away stranger to the most soul consuming and blood boiling lover.

She would have taken any single one as long as Himiko got to live somehow, even if she never got to see her again, but just knowing the fact that Himiko was alive in some way would have been enough for Ochako to live on for the rest of her life. 

She would have bore the endless loneliness without Himiko, the gut wrenching longing to close that distance, the maddening craving for Himiko's touch, the painful desire to see her one more time, the all consuming fire that would burn for her to embrace Himiko again and again and again .

She would have been happy with all that if she knew that Himiko was alive in this world somehow, someway.

Ochako's eyes trace across every beautiful feature of the girl she loves more than anything right now, a girl that she shouldn't be feeling anything for.

“Himiko, why didn't you want to tell me you were alive?” This question, heavier than lead, makes Himiko sniffle once then twice before her lips try to move. But all that comes out is senseless stammering.

“I-I was-” Ochako can't keep herself from kissing the tears at the corners of Himiko's eyes. The soft whimper she receives from Himiko feels guttural and visceral. It just makes Ochako want to comfort her.

“Ochako I….” 

“It's okay Himiko, take all the time you need” Himiko's lips quiver with every syllable she tries to say, and Ochako knows what she's going to say before she does. 

“I…” Ochako decides to quiet the girl she loves by pressing their foreheads together and gently bumping their noses together.

“You don't have to answer Himiko, I'm fine with whatever you chose in the past, because I get to know you're really alive and right in front of me, that's all that matters to me” Himiko sobs as she pulls Ochako close and cries her heart out. 

“It's okay Himiko, it's okay” Himiko wails for what feels like hours, until her tears have long dried.

They hold each other for what color be eons until finally they pull away from each other. Hunger is starting to affect both of them.

—

“I'll make us some breakfast Himiko” She nods to Ochako and reluctantly they pull away from each other. 

All Himiko wants to do is pull Ochako back into her embrace and hold on to her forever, but the hunger inside of her gnaws for food. She needs to sate it before it makes her desire for blood grow stronger.

She hates starving more than anything, the only thing that could surpass it is her hate for herself. 

Her eyes flick to the collar on the bedside table as Ochako walks out of the room to go to the kitchen. 

Memories of last night and how perfect it was until Keigo called, fill her mind, and leave her with confusing feelings she doesn't want to think about right now. 

Her eyes then go to her phone lying in the bed next to her.

“I should probably answer those messages” She reaches down to pick up the old phone and turns it back on before looking at what was sent. 

Himiko expects it to be Keigo and a part of her is afraid he's going to tell her that she needs to do all this again for 5 more years.

But the newest message he sent isn't what she thought it would be. 

Hermes: Have you seen Bulbel? She's not answering her phone. I need her here to help me with convincing them, she has your memories, and that will help.

Concern fills her chest and she immediately types a reply.

Persephone: I saw her yesterday, she brang me my meds and other stuff I needed. But I haven't talked to her since.

There is a long silence that feels like it lasts forever until she receives a text back. 

Hermes: Can you contact her? She might answer you, Himiko.  

Persephone: Okay. 

Persephone: Bulbel? You okay? Keigo says you're not answering him.

Himiko types in a quick message to her friend and hopes she answers. When she gets no response for a few minutes Himiko begins to feel fear, until she receives a reply. 

Bulbel: Sorry I'm up now, I was busy last night and couldn't sleep. I got distracted so that's why I didn't see his messages. I'll talk to Keigo and head out soon.

Bulbel: Sorry.>⁠.⁠<

Himiko breathes a sigh of relief, and tells Keigo Bulbel’s fine, and the same as ever.

Hermes: Okay, good she's fine. That will make things easier.

She's curious what he's doing because he needs bulbel to help him all of the sudden. He said it's because of her quirk and how she has her memories.

She's never been involved in this bureaucracy and stuff, without keigo she's completely helpless with out him, or bulbel.

Does she have Ochako's memories too now?

She's going to ask her about Ochako's memories the next time they meet. But now that she's talking to Keigo, she guesses this is the perfect time to confront him about Bulbel.

Persephone: Why didn't you tell me Bulbel was related to Ochako?

Hermes: Oh, sorry, I thought she would have told you that by now. 

Her eyebrows furrow as she looks at the message he sent, then the next one he sends douses some of her anger. 

Hermes: I'm sorry, I should have told you that. I really should have done that myself instead of leaving that to bulbel.  You're right to be angry at me Himiko, I should have done more to make sure you knew that. 

A part of her still wants to be angry at him, for so many reasons, but her anger dies off a bit, but doesn't go away. 

Persephone: Yes you should have, I would have liked to know that was the reason you picked bulbel to help me.

Hermes:Huh?

Hermes: Hang on a moment

When she receives a call from him she picks it up.

“Keigo?”

“How much has Bulbel told you about herself?”

Himiko thinks for a moment before frowning, she doesn't know a lot about Bulbel actually.

“Not much.” Keigo sighs to himself before hanging up the phone and sends a text to her. 

Hermes: I have to go now Bulbels here, we're going to go sort out what I told you last night.

Hermes: Also you should know I'm going to be going to Ochako's place on New years to talk with her about you. We can talk about everything we need to during that time. And hopefully by then I'll have good news for you, and Ochako.

With that message Himiko puts her phone down on the bed, and decides to go check on Ochako. 

She has a lot to think about now, but all she wants to do is be with Ochako right now.

She doesn't answer the next text she receives and mutes it for now.

“Class please write out your hero names and quirks on these papers and then pass them forward, if you can't come up with something or want to change it later that's fine, these are only temporary ones to use unless you decide to keep them or change to a different one.” The older red haired woman says as she stares at her students. 

“Hmm? What should I come up with?”

“Ah! I should be laser blaster!”

“Please take this serious guys, this is something important”

After the allotted time is finally up the class’ teacher begins to read off the names the students chose for themselves, what their reason for picking it is and their quirks.

“Watanabe. Your quirk is ‘Aerosol cleanse’and you chose the hero name ‘spring cleaning’ because you want to freshen up everyone's lives” a few of the students in the back chuckle at the boy with holes in his finger tips. He blushes and hides his hands from the others.

“Next, Kobayashi. Your quirk is ‘wyrm carapace’ and you picked the name ‘Heaven cleaver’ because you want to fight the gods?” The boisterous girl with green and red tinted hair punches her scaly hand as a few flames come out when she opens her mouth. 

“Yeah! Let me fight them!” The older woman rolls her eyes at the enthusiastic and almost overbearing girl before going through a few more. 

“Kato. Your quirk is eternal sunshine…….”

“Ito. Your Quirk is stone face…..?”

“Mcfly?......” The older woman's eyes fall on the trouble maker of her class. She just rolls her eyes at him and the fake name he wrote, before continuing on to the next one. 

“Hiyodori. Your quirk is……sin eater?…….and your name is…….” The teacher's dark yellow eyes fall on the girl sitting at the back of the class with her head down, and wrapped up in hers arms. For a moment the teacher thinks the girl is just sleeping, but then she sees her mumble something to herself and flex her gloved hands a few times, like she always does. 

The teacher sighs before setting the young girl's paper to the side. 

“Sakiko Hiyodori, please come in after class, I need to talk to you and contact your parents” The older woman watches as the young girl mumbles something else nobody can hear before shaking her head without picking it up from the desk. 

“O-oka-y, y, mi-Miss, I'm sorry…… ..” The teacher looks at the scratchy and uneven hand writing she can barely make out, before sighing at the name her student picked out. 

One that sounds more like a villain’s than a hero's.

Her eyes flick to the numerous drawings of birds that look like they were drawn by a steady hand in the margins. She takes a sticky note from her desk and writes down something before placing it on her students paper, right over that name she chose. 

(Maybe something related to birds would fit you better.)

Chapter Text

“Himiko?” A small and hushed voice calls from the entry way to her room. 

The young girl, with blonde hair down to her shoulders, sitting at an old wooden desk—covered in different forms of worksheets, books and sheet music, ranging from basic trigonometry and Slope intercept form to music sheets for last rose of summer and adagio—turns to face the girl in the door way. 

Her younger sister.

“Hinako?” 

The girl with sharp fangs and tired eyes stares at her younger sister—with her long, and well kept, blonde hair down to the middle of her back—as her small and thin fingers knead the front of her skirt nervously.

The girl who is almost as tall as her, but still short comparatively, looks at Himiko with those golden eyes that are darker than her own, before her gaze flicks away.

Himiko is curious why her younger sister is in her room when she could be talking with her best friend, Asuka. That very chuuni girl, who her sister is very affectionate with.

But her curiosity grows as Hinako closes the door behind her and locks it.

“Hina?” Her sister takes a deep breath before pushes away from the door before approaching her. 

Himiko is curious why she locked the door, she doesn't see why.

“Himiko, I have a girlfriend” Her sister whispers to her as she stands a few feet away from her and the door to the bedroom, a decent amount away so their parents won't hear if they come home.

Oh. That's why.

“I-I like girls, that's…. That's what I wanted to tell you Himiko,Asuka, she's.... My girlfriend ”

Himiko feels happiness form in her chest for her younger sister and she can't stop herself from smiling so wide it exposes all of her pearly white fangs, sharp enough to break skin just from a single touch.

But the gasp of shock her sister gives her, and the look of fear in her eyes, sends a pin into her heart that stings with every beat of her scared heart.

The look of absolute fear in her younger sister's eyes because of these knives in her mouth makes tears burn in her eyes, and she can't stop apologizing for smiling. 

Her sister looks so small and scared in front of her and it's all because of her. 

“Himi, I-” For a moment Hina looks like she's going to say something, but then the sound of sterm knocking on Himiko's bedroom door scares them both. 

“Why is this door locked?” Their mother says sternly, but keeps her voice down because they have a guest. Hinako rushes to the door and opens it to their mother, and the moment the older woman sees Himiko and Hinako together she urges the younger sibling out of the room, before giving Himiko one last scathing look.

Himiko removes her hands that were covering her mouth, and are now coated in tears.

She wants to go to bed and cry, but she has work to do. Too much work. 

The end of the school year is approaching and she's nowhere near where she's supposed to be. Where her parents want her. 

He huffs as he runs down the streets after the group of villains he's chasing. 

He was going to go to Ochako's place after his talk with Bakugou and Kirishima, but a group of villains started causing trouble and destroying a seemingly random building. There was unfortunately no one else around to stop them, but he called for help and went after them. 

He's finally found a place to corner them, in an alleyway between two buildings. Izuku hopes it's a dead end.

As his case begins to open his suit begins to form around his arm, but the moment he finally catches them at the dead end of this alley, a wave of electricity and energy rush past him and make his hair stand on end, but doesn't do anything to him. 

For a moment he thinks it might be a dud until he hears that eel-like man in front of him giggling that he realizes what that was, it was a form of EMP.

“Not so fast tree head!” Izuku moves to try and get his suit to work as they begin to rush him, but the metal wrapped around his arm doesn't move from its half transformed state.

Great!

He thought Mei and Bakugou made sure that this wouldn't happen, but something has definitely gone wrong. It must be something unique about that eel-like man's quirk if it can lock up his suit like this.

“Get out of our way, hero!” The smaller eel-like man lunges forward with a knife, like a bolt of lightning as electricity surges across his smooth skin, with a young woman and one other person. Izuku barely dodges the man and woman but the eel-like man is fast. He cuts his shirt and nicks the fabric at the chest as Izuku uses his trapped hand to knock those other two into each other.

Luckily he learned a long time ago how to fight quick opponents.

Izuku uses his case to deflect his attackers next attack with a knife before slamming his half transformed case into their face and knocking them to the floor.

Thankfully he's sure that knocked him out.

If I can just keep this one down then I can—.

But his thoughts are interrupted as a hulking frame, with a long tail similar to a lizard's, comes out of a burst of smoke, that smells like sulfur, and aims his large scaley, but patchy, fist at him. 

The giant brute, with lizard-like features, is inches away from colliding his massive fist into his freckled face. 

But then there's a sudden harsh pressure against Izuku’s back as something, that isn't this giant brutes fist, hits him hard enough to launch him out of the way of the attack.

“Pardon my unpredicted intrusion” He gasps as, what sounds like a feminine voice, speaks as he flies forward.

The next few moments are a swirl of actions and movement as someone he can't see knocks him into the smaller villain towards the back of the alley, one that resembles a lion because of their quirk. Izuku uses his still trapped hand to brace the front of him as he lands right into that man and knocks them to the ground. 

For a moment he tries to get his footing, but that same person grabs the collar of his shirt by the back before she pulls him back. He wants to gag and fight this girl's grip on him, but she's surprisingly strong and this time she pushes him towards the ground by the head until he's ducking.

“Hey! What are you doing-!”

But he doesn't get to finish as that person with the teleporting quirk swings past their heads and barely misses them both.

“What a brutish and dull show of force, such an overly encumbered form acting not unlike an oversized rusty guillotine” As he gets sent flying into a wall and hits it with his back he gasps before stumbling on his feet for a moment. 

What's going on!??

His eyes dash around and try to focus on the situation and who this new person is and if they are a hero or villain. 

But all he sees for a few brief moments, as his eyes try to focus, is a complete blur until his mind, dazed from hitting the wall, can focus on what's going on in front of him.

There's 7 people in total, him, the five villains he was after and that other person, who he can barely track of right now, that is flying across the alley from person to person and strikes at the villains with a bright red weapon.

Is that an umbrella?

The only thing he can keep track of is the colors of their form, black and dark red.

But as he quickly assesses everything around him, from the unconscious villain with an electric quirk on the floor to the lion-like heteromorph that's standing up again, he feels his suit reset and finally function properly.

His arm is a bit numb because it's been pinned for a few minutes in the suit, he's thankful there's dozens of safety measures, both electrical and mechanical, to make sure it doesn't crush his arm, or him.

As he's about to join the fray the brute lands a hit on that blurry black and red form and sends her crashing towards him. Izuku reaches out to catch them but he misses just barely, because his arm is still numb, before she smacks harshly into the wall and lets out a pained? gasp before falling to the floor.

His eyes briefly go to the girl's crumpled form on the ground, and how she's dressed in a black and red dress, before back to the villains in front of him as his suit is finally done resetting, and embraces him. 

He's ready to fight now, and he's thankful to whoever is on the floor next to him because she helped stall the Villain's in front of him. 

He looks at the lion-like person breathing harshly and heavily from the fight with her, the giant lizard-like brute that towers above everyone and heaves with exhaustion, then the two others who he doesn't know the quirks of. 

His eyes go to the electric/EMP quirk user still on the ground, unconscious.

Good.

He takes a step forward to begin to fight back, but a pain shoots up his arm as something flies past him and lands directly in the giant man's face.

“Agh! Fuck!” He wants to look at the girl next to him, who threw what looks like a bottle of something red and sticky, but he keeps his eyes on his opponents and waits for anything they might do.

My arm, it hurts.

He hopes he didn't get injured, but he has to finish this fight, and he's been in way worse conditions. The sports festival and his fight with Todoroki fill his mind and remind him of how damaged his arms are now, and how he almost lost them.

The moment he sees one of them take a nervous step to the side, he dashes as fast as he can into the battle to finish this as fast as he can, but he immediately gets choked by something pulling him back. 

“Gah!” He grabs at his neck and feels it's an umbrella handle.

He looks to his side quickly at the girl dressed in black and red clothing who just choked him, with an umbrella!

“Hey! What are you-!?”

“Shut up!” His eyes flick down briefly at the girl who just yelled at him then at the female villain that is starting to create a smoke screen. 

He grits his teeth because they're trying to escape. He needs to fight, but then all too suddenly there's a loud crash at the entrance to the alley way as rubble falls down and blocks the exit. The crash sends a rush of air that dissipates the smoke screen.

“There's someone else here!” The girl trying to emit smoke cries as she looks everywhere around them rapidly, as if there's something she saw that no one else did.

“Calm down Reina!” The lizard-like man gets into a fighting stance for a brief moment. But then the sound of a skull scraping scuttling can be heard around them. That strange sound scratches at the back of everyone's heads, and makes fear fill the air. 

What is that?  

Izuku is hesitant to move because he doesn't know what's making that sound and his arm is tingling with pins and needles.

Then there's a sudden yelp from the man with an unknown quirk as something dashes past their feet all too fast for anybody to catch. 

Whose quirk is that? Is it hers?

Izuku’s eyes dart to the girl taking in harsh breaths next to him.

“Damnit, stop fooling around and fight!!” The hulking brute belts at every one of his allies. But just as they're about to focus, something inhuman begins whispering something almost resembling words into the air around them. 

Izuku shivers as he looks at all the panicking villains, and how even the big guy is afraid, and his hands are shaking.

“Asahi, I'm scared!” The smoke producing girl with long golden hair shakes in fear as tears begin to fill her eyes. Then that lion-like man looks around the alley and sees that one of his allies is missing.

“Where did he go!?”

Izuku looks between all three of them. 

There were four of them, now there's three.

He counts them all again and sees that the man with the unknown quirk is gone without a trace.

What happened? He was right in front of me?

His eyes briefly flick to the unknown girl next to him with an unknown quirk, who is now standing up from the floor. He catches a glimpse of a strange blush on her cheeks as she coughs a few times.

“Wait, where's Hideki!?” The smoke making girl looks around in a panic for the man with a lion quirk, before cowering as tears fill her eyes.

The taller man known as asahi looks around the alley for his friend before looking at, and growling at, the smaller girl walking towards him. 

Izuku looks over the smaller girl’s darkly dressed form and how strange it is, it kinda reminds him of something to do with Tokoyami.

Thankfully his arm is starting to feel better now, he's almost able to move it, even though there's some pain.

“That's fucking enough!!!” The giant man lunges forward and begins to envelop himself in that sulfur-like smoke, but Izuku already predicts his move and aims an attack with his good seen at their arrival point.

“Quiet” 

But before Izuku’s fist can land that strange girl kicks him away, in the gut, and uses her open umbrella to parry that man's attack like it was nothing.

Izuku’s eyes catch a glimpse of something flashing across the fabric of her umbrella, but he can't tell what it is.

“Agh!” The brute yells at her again and swings his fist down at her one more time. 

Luckily Izuku catches himself on the ground and bounces back to strike. 

But the sound of violent screaming pulls his attention away and towards where it just came from. Right where that girl with the smoke creating quirk was just moments ago. 

But then something dark and shadowy dashes right in front of him frighteningly fast and he barely catches a glimpse of what it was, but he can't describe what it was from just a simple glance.

He's not even sure what he saw.

He ignores it and dashes forward into the battle before sending a punch straight into that giant man's stomach.

“Wait, you idiot!”

His attack sends the giant man flying into a wall that cracks into a spiderweb and shakes the building.

Shit.

He didn't want to hit him that hard.

The controls for the strength of his suit aren't working.

He realizes now that being so distracted and wary of what was going on during the battle kept him from hurting someone, and as that giant muscular man, with blood on his face now, picks himself up it dawns on Izuku that he could have killed the others if he hit them first.

Did she know?  

Did the girl fighting with him know about his suit malfunctioning?

His eyes go to the heavily dressed girl next to him and the umbrella she's twirling in between her hands like it's nothing as it rests on her shoulder. 

He has questions for her, but that giant man, more covered in blood across his face, staggers towards them with shaky uneven steps. With every one Izuku feels guilt because he sees how much it hurts him to even breathe.

I broke some of his bones . 

Izuku feels unwanted memories fill his head. Memories of those people telling him so many things at the back of his mind, and one of them was killing someone he still has regrets and complicated feelings about.

The broken man growls to himself in anger before glaring at him and her.

“You! *Cough!*” The way he coughs up some blood before wiping it from his mouth makes Izuku feel so much guilt, he's almost frozen.

He feels like he's back at UA, when he couldn't control one for all properly and hurt himself. But now he hurt someone else instead. 

“Forsake your intent tainted by trepidation and withdraw your maimed will to lend aid to this fruitless endeavor” Those jumble of words make him focus on something besides his memories and look at the girl next to him as a small melodic tune leaves her lips, so calmly and evenly despite the situation, it's almost frightening.

“Ru, ru-ru-ru-ru-ru”

With every click of her heeled boots towards the hulking mass he pieces together what she said. 

Which if he had to summarize would be, let her handle this. He's hesitant to let her do anything because she could be a vigilante or villain.

But as he listens to that echoing sound his shock starts to wear off, and he can begin to move again.

“Ru, ru-ru-ru-ru-ru” he's about to move when suddenly she raises her arm and the loose sleeve she has, that looks like it was torn, falls away and reveals her arm underneath, and the bandages that wrap around it all the way to the sleeve.

His mind goes blank as all he can think of is Tokoyami.

“Oh woe upon this world of man and beast…..” Then he watches as something underneath the bandages moves and squirms as it tries to escape.

“Shut the fuck up!” the brute says as smoke begins to form around his body. 

Izuku takes a step forward to end this, but then something flashes in front of him and cleaves the air in front of him and leaves a large gash in the ground a foot in front of him.

What was that?!

He needs to end this, because he realizes that was her just now. She's almost definitely not a hero. 

“…..upon this wicked mortal coil let demon and darkness coalesce and form.” He's about to move despite the danger to stop her, and whatever she's doing.

But then that writhing underneath her bandages stops before they turn red and a small drop of blood forms before falling on to the ground, right as that lizard man is about to hit her, and more gashes appear around him when he tries to move. 

“Stop-!”

But then a torrent of wind forms from that single drop of blood as it hits the ground. He has to cover his face from the wind, and watches in fear as something uncanny forms out of that blood.

It's like vines reaching up and lashing out at everything around it as it climbs higher and higher as a torrent of guttural voices scream for what feels like minutes. 

But then it all stops, and there's the sound of something popping as the blood becomes flacid, and something jumps out and lands right at the feet of that brute man.

“Behold mortals!!!!”

But all the worry and energy every one has fades away, as they look at what spawned right before their eyes. 

It's……

“Is that a fucking teddy bear?” The giant man looks at the small creature that is dark red, to the point its almost completely black, as it postures in front of him. 

“Fear and tremble mere mortal! For I AM—!!!!!” Then he steps on it and makes it go splat.

Izuku has a completely blank expression on his face as he stares at that man's bloody boot where that creature used to be. 

What the hell is going on right now?!?

“Is that it girl? Where's your big scary monster?” But then the red on that brute's face begins to float up into the air as something dark to the point of being black places itself on his shoulder while she just smiles at him, with odd gleaming red eyes.

The man known as asahi feels his blood go cold as he reluctantly looks up and sees a bloody figure above him, and all his friends trapped inside its body. All of them hanging in the air as tears fill their eyes and blood coats their bodies.

But all he can focus on is that beast like maw as it begins to close around his head. 

All he can do is scream. 

“Stop it!” Izuku screams in fear as he's about to attack her, but then he hears a familiar voice calls out.

“Mircalla! That's enough!” Then he sees Dark shadow dash forward and grab those people hanging bloodily in the air but spider web like limbs made of a blackish liquid.

For a brief moment Izuku contemplates rushing forward to strike. But then he loses all will to do so as he sees what that bloody beast does next. 

“Om nom nom” That beast pretends to eat at that man's head, in a joking manner that he doesn't find funny, at all. 

“Get this fucking thing off of me!!” The lizard-like man screams as he thrashes at the dark beast.

“Mircalla that's not funny” Tokoyami says with annoyance as he walks forward past the rubble while Dark shadow let's down the shaking and crying villains that immediately go and hug each other.

“Reina!”

“Hideki!”

Izuku is frozen in place because the sight of blood drives fear into him, even if he knows the blood covering them all is not their own. It still makes something instinctual inside him revolt at the sight, especially because there's so much of it. The smell of iron and something else he doesn't want to know about fills the air. 

And memories of when he lost his arms fills his mind, and all he can think of is those bloody stumps, and the bloody wounds of so many others he's watched become wounded, and the memory of Gran Torino and his bloodied form stings too much to handle.

“Izuku?” The sound of Tokoyami’s voice and the police climbing over the rubble settles something inside of him. Unfortunately it unsettles again right in front of him on the ground. 

He coughs and gags as more of that smell fills his lungs, and more memories he doesn't want fill his mind.

“Here Izuku” Thankfully Tokoyami gives him a handkerchief to cover his face with. The smell of incense is strong as he covers his face, after wiping his mouth first. 

“You okay Izuku? You're crying?” He wipes at his eyes as he looks at everyone around him and sees that they are all alive, all of them.

But the sight of her playing with that bloody monster and talking to it so calmly makes him feel like shit.

“I think I'm going to be sick again” Tokoyami asks dark shadow to comfort him as he goes to confront the girl named Mircalla about why she's here.

“There there you'll be fine” He watches from the corner of his eye as tokoyami leaves Dark Shadow to tend to him while he goes to talk to her .

“Thank you dark shadow.” He smiles to himself at his friends other half, but then his eyes look towards her and the smile she has that's all teeth. 

Himiko.

He averts his gaze from the girl with short black and red tipped hair because that's all he can think of right now. The reminder of what Himiko smiled like back then during the war fades from his mind as he breathes in more of this incense smell.

Why did I think of her? I can barely even remember what she looks like.

“Ooh shiny” But then he watches as dark shadow picks something off of the ground, and shows him. 

“What's this? It looks pretty” his red rimmed eyes look at what dark shadow found. It's something small and metal, but he doesn't know what it is. 

“So you've met Mircalla, I see” The sudden appearance of Tokoyami startles Dark shadow and makes them hide what they found from their sibling.

“Yeah”

“Oh? A call upon this mortal coil's moniker upon this treacherous world deprived of vital will?” The sound of that girl's voice startles him and makes him cover his face more with Tokoyami’s handkerchief.

He's reluctant to say he doesn't like her, but some part of him just doesn't feel good around her. 

His eyes flick down to her clothing, from heeled boots with too many laces and buckles, to the hem of her dress that's high in the front and low in the back, to the dress itself. A bright red that fades into a deeper shade that's almost black, and he doesn't even get past four different chains on her dress before giving up. 

His eyes go to the intricately made bottles of what look like blood hanging on her hip, with flowery metal casing wrapped around each one.

His eyes fall on the choker around her neck before she takes a step away from him and grimaces in disgust. 

“Scrutinize a different form, verdant head.” He looks at Tokoyami, who shakes his head and sighs. 

“She doesn't like when you look at her Izuku” He averts his gaze towards the police that have finally rounded everyone up. 

But when he sees that bloody beast-like form approaching he wants to run.

“Mizuchi, have all malefactors been condemned to eternal retribution for the sins of misconduct?”

“Yeah yeah, the police have them all” An almost sultry, but annoyed voice leaves that beasts maw like it's the most normal thing in the world. 

“Psst, her quirks kinda like me and Tokoyami” Dark shadow whispers to him. 

Oh.

But then a drop of blood falls from her bandaged arm and that teddy bear from before appears as it hits the ground.

“Salutation—” but the beast Mizuchi grabs and swallows them whole before they can speak. 

Dark shadow looks a horrified by what just happened.

“Not exactly the same” Tokoyami corrects. Izuku tries to go over what just happened, and figure out her quirk.

“Sentient Hemokinesis? But judging by the way the same creature formed from a different speck of blood means that is more complicated than her blood being alive, so is it a form of concentrated Hemokinesis? It seems similar to vlad’s but the amount of effort required to maintain that level of control especially on multiple beings, with seemingly distinct personalities could mean—” but his muttering is interrupted.

“Aren't you Ochako's Ex-boyfriend?” Those words coming from the girl glaring at him almost angrily is surprising, for many reasons.

“Yeah, why? Do you know Ochako?” She glares at him with an emotion he doesn't understand, before turning around.

“I'm leaving, bye” Without speaking in flowery words the girl known as mircalla begins to walk away from all three of them. 

The beast known as Mizuchi sighs before waving bye to Dark shadow and Tokoyami before giving him a glare too.

“Come now Mizuchi rest upon your ancient abode”

“Sure, a bottle is my home. Whatever you say” 

As they both leave that smell that makes him nauseous finally goes away, at least most of it does. 

Izuku takes deep breaths of the air now that he can breathe. 

“You okay Izuku” Dark shadow asks as Tokoyami goes to wrap up with the police, leaving them both alone together. 

“I'm fine dark shadow, just…. I feel uneasy today, that's all.” He reaches up to scratch at his cheek but winces at the sudden pain in his arm. Dark shadow gives him a worried look. 

“I'm fine, just, my suit got stuck on my arm earlier, that's all” dark shadow reaches forward and pulls him into a brief hug before pulling away.

“Do you want what I found? Will that make you feel better?” Dark shadow cocks their head at him as if thinking about something before holding up the metal thing they found earlier.

“I'm fine dark-” But then the freckled boy goes silent as he actually looks at what Dark shadow found.

“A key?” That small and scratched up key looks old and worn down. It actually doesn't look like it will even work on whatever it's for.

“Dark shadow?” when Tokoyami calls to his other half dark shadow grabs his hand before placing the key into it and leaving soon after. 

His verdant eyes look at the small key and he's curious what it goes to or where it even fits. 

I should probably leave now. I still need to see Ochako.

As he begins to leave he opens his phone to check the time, and maybe checks in with Ochako, but then he sees a message from Tokoyami. 

“Huh?”

Toko-Shadow: Mircalla sent me a message just now to give to you Izuku.

Broccoli boy: what is it?

Toko-Shadow: It says:...

Stay away from Ochako.

Chapter Text

December 26th: Sakiko Hiyodori

4:17: Night; rain

“🎶 HmmmHmmmm 🎶” As she steps out of the alleyway she can feel small drops of rain beginning to fall on her hair in a light drizzle while wisps of purple smoke dissipate into the air. The small woman goes back into the alley for a moment to grab the broken and torn umbrella in the trash can she just passed before stepping out into the streets again.

She waves it in the air to coat it in rain water and hums to herself as she walks through the empty streets. She smiles as the skin of the umbrella repairs itself until the water stops falling on to her hair.

I need to buy some ohagi for my roommate, some rice, eggs, a few condiments, maybe chicken and some vegetables, I don't remember if we have any soup stock. Maybe I should buy some stuff for curry too while I'm there and buy anything else he usually likes.

She smiles to herself as the soft patter of the rain eases the things in the back of her mind. It makes her want to sing, just like she used to with her .

“🎶 First was my father who loved me like no other, Second was his brother who tended my wounds 🎶 ” 

But when she passes by a window she sees them in the reflection again . She does her best to ignore them so they go away.

“🎶 Third was my best friend maron with her thick coat of fur, fourth was a pen pal I liked from Mie🎶”

But then suddenly the rain stops midair all around her and it makes her freeze in place, but just for a moment. She continues on and ignores the fear inside of her.

“🎶 Fifth was an old cat I never got to name, sixth was—🎶”

But then all the glass from the closed shop windows burst around her eerily calm form before reverting back to their original form just seconds ago. 

She says nothing and doesn't acknowledge what just happened, instead she continues to sing. Just the way Ai used to love.

“🎶—was a boy my sister loved with all her heart 🎶”  

But tears run down her face as she passes by another window, one shrouded in dark figures that look like they are off in the distance, but growing ever closer to her. 

“Seventh—!!”

There's a loud crack as the skin of her right arm starts to break apart in jagged lines that slowly spread up her arm and down her fingers, and each one causes the blood underneath to spill out until her arm is limp and drenched in blood.

But still she continues on.

“Seventh was my older cousin and eighth was his lover” But then she hears a tapping on the glass and water around her as shadowy hands press into it like they're trying to break out of it. 

“Ninth was someone at school I should have talked to more, tenth was a girl I used to stare at all day” then those dark hands start to turn into many and spread across all the windows, glass, and puddles of water around her until they all begin to turn pitch black like a starless sky. 

“Eleventh was—” She feels one of those hands reach out of the water underneath her and grab at her leg. She panics and tears her leg from its grasp as she continues to recite those words with blood dripping down her clawed at leg.

“Eleventh was an old teacher who didn't show up the next day” A trail of darkness follows at her feet as she tries to find anything open this late. But there's nothing, and there's no escape. 

“T-twelfth was—”

But then a stream of hands and arms begins to emerge and pour out of every single thing with a reflection around her. She ignores it and continues to rush to find somewhere safe even when those shadowy figures claw their way towards her with their distorted faces of shadow and whispered words.

“Twelfth was a girl I confessed to who went for a swim from up too high” Then she finally begins to break down as all of them begin to engulf the way forward and everything around her until the air above her is covered in their contorted bodies. 

Bodies that belong to those that do not live anymore.

All wrapped around her like she's inside a ball with sewn together corpses.

“Lastly was….” She cries in pain as their hands begin to wrap around her arms, her legs and her throat as those cracks from her arm trace up her esophagus. 

They claw at her body and try to tear apart her flesh.

It hurts!!!

She tries to scream as they squeeze her throat until she almost can't breathe while her neck becomes as brittle as glass.

One that will snap at any moment.

“ —WAS THE GIRL I LOVED LIKE NO OTHER!!!!!” Her eyes close as she yells those final words as they try to break her neck covered in deep painful cracks and spilling her blood all over herself, just like the rest of her wounds. 

But then she feels a gentle caress across her tear covered cheek and the feeling of those terrifying hands pull away from her.

“It's okay my love, you're okay, I promise” Then her eyes bolt open and she pants and heaves as she falls to the ground on bloody knees. She looks around at how all of them fade away as if they never existed in the first place.

She stares at her own reflection in the flooded street underneath her with eyes filled with so much fear and pain. So much is running through her mind and body at once and she's so scared, she can't stop shivering and hugging herself. 

I'm scared mom.

Her dark brown eyes stare at herself for what feels like hours as the cracks and wounds in her skin start to recede and leave behind angry red marks and stains of blood. She clutches at her weak arm and still feels it's there, still where it should be, even if it feels like the slightest pressure will snap it to pieces.

Even if it shouldn't be there any longer.

Her heart pounds in her ears so much because she's on the verge of passing out. 

I'm scared, I'm scared, I want to go home, I want my mom, please!!

She almost does end up fainting until she hears someone's voice that she doesn't recognize calling to her. 

“Hello? Are you okay? I heard you yelling” Her teary eyes fall on the woman standing in front of her holding a bright red umbrella, a girl that she isn't sure is real or not. 

Or another one of them.

But she doesn't care right now because all she can do is cry to them, this girl with black and red tipped hair down to her shoulders. 

“I don't want anyone to die!!!” She cries as the woman looks at her bloody and torn up form lying soaked in the rain like an injured bird in a storm.

“I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE!!”

December 27th

Himiko Toga

“Danjuro, maybe we should leav-” 

“Happy birthday……dear……friend…….” The older white haired gentleman tries to say in a sing-song tone as Ochako opens the door to try very familiar looking people. 

Do I know them? Himiko thinks to herself as she tries to recall something on the tip of her tongue.

They opened the door expecting Izuku to be here, and she dreaded the last hour about seeing him in person, but instead they both got a surprise neither of them was expecting. But it's not unwelcome.

It actually makes her smile.

“Oh, hello you two, I haven't seen you in a while” Ochako talks so calmly to these two people, they must be friends. Though they do look a fair bit older than either if them.

It kinda reminds her of her friendship with Bulbel.

“Sorry I have some company today, I think now might be a bad time?” Ochako tries to politely tell them she doesn't want them here. But then recognition of who these two are fills Himiko's mind and causes her to become happy and excited about finally meeting them. 

The two people that helped her in so many ways because of what they did during the war.

“You're Gentle criminal and La brava!?” Himiko gasps excitedly at the two people she owes a lot to and begins to hop in place because of how happy she is. 

I can finally thank them in person!

The bearded gentleman looks at his spouse for a brief moment before a familiar spark fills his eyes, one that she saw in those old videos circulating on the Internet about their jobs as criminals. 

“Danjuro wait-”

But his lover can't stop him from giving a deep gentlemanly bow to her and Ochako. It makes her smile wide enough to show her fangs.

“Why yes, of course it is me and my lovely dear manami here to wish our dear friend Ochako Uraraka a happy and wonderful birthday!” He exclaims proudly while his spouse covers her face in embarrassment because he's getting too caught up to notice the situation. But she can tell his spouse is secretly smiling happily at him underneath her hands.

A part of her feels a kind of kinship with her for some reason, just from her presence. She can tell La brava loves him very much, just like she does Ochako.

Himiko giggles to herself and tries to do something with her free hand before pulling it close to her chest as if she's holding something back. 

No, don't do that in front of them, I'm supposed to be normal, that's not normal.

“Another admirer of our spectacular duo” He smiles softly at her and Ochako before a look of embarrassment fills his cheeks and worry passes through his eyes. 

“Um, oh, I beg your pardon but who are you young miss? You look like you're holding your excitement back, and seem a fair bit familiar” He asks her curiously. Himiko is still too excited to notice as she begins to say her real name out loud. 

“My name's HimikooosssSuzume, it's Suzume , Suzume Takami” A look of pain fills her eyes and all of them can tell how much agony she's in right now, especially the girl with red hair.

“Well then, greetings young HimikooossSuzume, It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance" He gives her a kind bow and it makes her smile and giggle to herself but not without a look of pain passing across her face.

They seem like people I could be myself around, but I still can't. I hate it.

Both him and his spouse's eyes fall on the way Ochako's and her fingers are interlaced together so intimately. She can tell the older couple both want to ask what is going on between her and Ochako but they hold back, at least for now as an awkward silence fills the room.

I wish I could be myself right now, I feel like they might accept me. But they probably wouldn't.

“I think I should explain Danjuro and Manami, me and my girlfriend were expecting Izuku not you two” The moment Ochako says that word Himiko almost tackles her to the ground when she hugs her. 

“Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!” Himiko repeats excitedly without caring about the people looking at them. 

I'm her girlfriend! She called me her girlfriend! I'm so happy!

A part of her is scared Ochako is going to tell her to stop because they have company, but she doesn't and that makes her happy. But they eventually have to and they do when the other couple clear their throats to remind them they're both still here. 

“Oh, We weren't aware that you had another paramour as of late, did something happen with Midoriya?” The moment he asks that question Himiko's sharp eyes look at him with an intense look that tells him to drop it before he ruins the mood. 

“Oh, uh apologies if I spoke out of turn for a moment” He tries to ease Himiko's sudden intensity while his spouse just watches on. Thankfully for him Ochako presses a kiss to her cheek and it warms her heart.

“It's okay, I don't mind if people talk about it” Ochako nudges their shoulders gently together to comfort her.

“Hehe, you're so cute Ochako-chan”

“Aww, you two are perfect together” the smaller red head looks at them both with awe and a happy smile, but also something else in her eyes. 

“Thank you guys for coming to wish me a happy birthday, that's really sweet” Ochako days softly. Himiko's amber like eyes look at the way both of them light up together because of Ochako's thanks.

“You're welcome Ochako but I think we should leave you two alone so you can be together without us interrupting you two” The girl she knows as La brava tries to get her lover to leave them alone. 

Ochako gives her shoulder a soft bump and she can tell Ochako is asking if she's comfortable with letting them in, though she's not sure how she knows that.

Himiko gives a nudge back that tells her yes it's okay.

“Do you two want to come in, I think I still have some tea if you want?” Ochako asks. A sudden pang of anxiety courses through Himiko's chest before she swallows it.

I'm fine, they're Ochako's friends, and they seem…. Nice.  

She's not sure what it is about them but they both don't seem like people that would hate her because of her fangs and quirk. She's not sure why though, it is just a feeling she is getting from them.

One that reminds her of the league for some reason. 

“Ah, a fresh cup of tea sounds perfect right now, would you care to join them Manami?” The affection he shows to his spouse almost makes her jealous and want to be more affectionate with Ochako too. 

The smaller girl looks at her and Ochako hesitantly before smiling and nodding.

“Yeah, that sounds nice, it would give us a chance to catch up with Ochako and her girlfriend.”

Her colorful eyes look over the two girls she wasn't expecting to become a couple just this morning, but the affection they both share is genuine and there's no doubt about it.

Maybe she can check some database's for any info about Suzume Takami, and any other info about why Himiko Toga is suddenly alive after ten years.

????:?????

A long time ago

“Sakiko Hiyodori, please come in after class, I need to talk to you and contact your parents” She watches her new classmate, the girl with a mess of auburn brown hair mumble an apology to their teacher before she sticks a sticky note to her paper.

“O-oka-y, y, mi-Miss, I'm sorry…… ..” She smiles to herself before turning to face the front of class.

“Next up is Ai Hachidori. Your quirk is ‘Soul eater?’ really?, and you picked the name ‘Styx’ because you want to devour those you love?” The teacher looks at the prim and proper appearing young girl at the front of the class, one that she believes wrote this as a joke to mess with her like the other students. 

The teacher scowls at the girl smiling softly to herself before tossing her paper in the trash.

“Ai Hachidori, a serious answer would be appreciated the next time you work on this.” The teacher looks at her with an annoyed look before looking for the next paper with an actual answer on it. 

“But I did give a serious answer miss, I've thought about my answer ever since I was little” The young girl tilts her head in confusion at the teacher who looks nervous when she sees her smile ear to ear.

“Ai, you can't eat a person, that's not normal” The small girl frowns and looks away at the mention of her not being normal.

“But why? I just want to devour someone I love” The older woman looks offended by her answer. One she doesn't see a problem with.

“Why not?! That's cannibalism, and that's awful! Why in the world would you think that?” The young girl becomes dejected and curls into herself. 

“But, Mom said devouring someone doesn't have to be wrong and violent, it can be sweet and caring” Their teacher begins to huff and fume at her words. 

“Well your mother is wrong , eating someone is wrong in every way, that's considered murder, you should know better” Tears fill her eyes because of the teacher's scathing words.

“But I don't want to kill those I devour! I want them to live and be happy!” But her teacher doesn't understand her meaning, and neither do the others.

“Does that girl have a vore fetish or something?”

“Eww, gross” the scared girl looks at the other students around her as they all look at her with disgust and something akin to fear. 

“N-no, that's not what I want at all! I want-! I want to-!” the young girl gets out of her seat so fast it slams to the floor as she rushes out the door with tears streaming down her face. 

“Tch” the teacher clicks their tongue before trying to call the main office. 

“W-wait! Miss , I'll go-o Get, her-, her… .” The girl at the back of the class raises her shaky gloved hand as she pulls her messy head of hair from her desk.

“Dude, she can't even walk two steps without freaking the fuck out how is she-”

“Fine, sakiko, go get your classmate and bring her back to class” The small young girl with round and brown eyes looks at all the people staring at her nervously before rushing out of seat to go after them. 

But when she comes to the door her gloved hands can barely open the door without struggling. 

“Why isn't she in special needs again?” a fellow student whispers from the other side of class. 

“Dude shut up she's the nicest one here!” A scaly girl chastises him for that rude comment. 

When the door finally closes behind her the teacher rolls her eyes before grabbing the paper she threw away because she thought it was just a joke. 

Then she begins marking down everything she believes is wrong with it for when she talks to her parents.

I'm glad I'm retiring soon.

Chapter Text

Keigo Takami

23

“What's your real name?” The feathery blonde asks as he tugs on his boots and shirt. He can feel the other man's eyes on his back and the soft press of fingers on his feathers make him shiver.

“Dabi, just dabi, nothing else” It's a dull and emotionless response that he gets.

“I know that's a fake name” The dark haired man behind him just chuckles at those words. 

“Of course, why wouldn't a spy know that” his feathers rustle as gets up and goes to grab his coat.

“Yeah, I'm totally a spy coming to steal your secrets” He turns around and ruffles his feathers at the other man who gives him a soft chuckle. The blonde man does his best to slot his wings into the holes in his coat as his bed partner gets up. 

“Finally admit it huh?” The man behind him ignites his hand for just a moment before dousing his flames, then turns his avian ally around to face him.

The winged man's eyes fall on those pools of bright blue and he has to avert his gaze away, a guilty blush forms on his cheeks that doesn't go unnoticed by the other.

“Sure, Jan, whatever you say” He tries to play off what he feels, but then he feels the soft press of knuckles against his jaw. Ones that are all too tender to be from someone like him.

A part of him wants to flinch away, but the touch is vulnerably soft and all too kind. It makes him weak and wanting more, something he shouldn't.

“You're a shitty spy, you know that? If you wanted to get information you should have picked someone else to fuck” But then the soft touch turns to a heated one as Dabi's palm ignites and he holds it just far enough away from his face that it doesn't burn him, but also close enough for the heat to turn his skin a slight red.

Keigo doesn't want to admit it's not a painful sensation at all, to be this close to his flames. Ones that could easily melt steel if he wanted to, but right now they're kind and heat actually feels pleasurable, but just a single movement could burn him.

“I'm not sleeping with you for any other reason than I want to Dabi” those eyes that are as bright as turquoise narrow at him and it makes him flinch away. But the guilty blush on his cheeks conveys more than he wants it to, far more than he's comfortable with.

Dabi gives a light chuckle at the sight of genuine true emotion, before dousing his flame.

“Finally telling the truth” Dabi smirks to himself then walks back to his bed.

Keigo's eyes hesitantly flick to the dark haired man. One wearing nothing at all because of what they just did moments ago.

The way he traces the staples at the edges of his scars makes Keigo curious about him and how he got them. He has so many questions but he also needs to leave soon, and he turns around to do so.

“Why have you been talking to Jin?" Keigo stops in place just as he finishes with his coat, but thankfully his back is to the flame user so his emotions don't betray him.

“No reason, we're just shooting the shit, that's all” He makes to leave the room if the man he just slept with.

He needs to finish learning their plan and get closer to twice so maybe, just maybe twice doesn't need to get hurt in all this. 

But he says one last thing before leaving and going back to work, and leaves the only relief he's had in all this behind, even if it's a bitter relief soured by the truth he hides. 

“Twice…... Jin , he seems like a good person” He doesn't know what Dabi's reaction is and he doesn't find out as he leaves and closes the door behind him without another word. 

“Yes, he is” Dabi thumbs at one of his staples nervously and he's half tempted to rip it out. But he doesn't, instead he lies back down in bed.

“He's too good for his own health, it's going to get him killed someday” 

Keigo Takami

27

“Why do you spell it with an e?” The both of them sit at a quiet cafe with a drink for each of them. It's a nice night and there's no one else around. He thought getting to know the odd girl who's been helping Himiko all these years would be nice.

“Huh?” The girl dressed up to her neck in baggy clothing across from him is confused by his question.

“Spell what with an e?” His golden eyes look over her and he can't stop from seeing the similarities she has with Ochako. Another girl from the same family, and the girl Himiko is in love with.

She has a soft face with round eyes, but her hair and eyes are a different shade. Her brown hair is a messy lighter shade but her eyes are darker, and her eyebrows are thinner than Ochako's. But he knows that if she just fixes up her hair the same way it would be obvious that they're related in some way.

He can't stop from noticing these small things about her, and neither can Himiko. She's mentioned thinking of Ochako when looking at Bulbel once or twice over the years. 

Maybe that's why she's so attached and open with her compared to him. He is curious why Himiko isn't asking her questions about Ochako's family though, he thought Himiko would b do they any chance she got. But maybe they talk about it in their spare time, without him.

“The name you go by, bulbel, you spell it with an e instead of an I like the part of a plant or a U like the bird. I thought you called yourself that because of your birth name, sakiko, because it can also be read as blossom child. But it really doesn't feel like that's why you use it” His words are soft and friendly, but also keep a bit of distance between them.

They're both friendly with each other but they don't feel like they are close enough to be friends. She doesn't talk about herself a lot so he doesn't know that much about her, even after all these years.

Maybe that comes with having been in prison. Especially the one she was in.

“Oh right, that's because it's how my girlfriend used to spell it. She wanted to name me after the bird, but she kept misspelling it every time she wrote it down or sent me a text. She just gave up on correcting herself after a while” Keigo takes another sip of the coffee in front of him. A sugary drink that Himiko recommended to him the last time she was out in public as Suzume, and using Ochako’s body to help disguise herself.

Though she's told them that hiding her features with Ochako's makes her feel weird when she does it, and doesn't want to do it often.

It's actually quite a good drink and not too overwhelming with the sugar.

“Your girlfriend? You've never talked about them before” His eyes go to her gloved hands and the baggy clothing she is wearing that covers most of her body up.

He's curious how she made a relationship work with her quirk. One that causes her or anyone she touches pain at the worst of times.

“I didn't? Huh, Well we met back at Shiketsu, but she left because it was too strict for her, and other reasons” Bulbel takes a deep sip of the caffeinated drink before setting it down in front of her. 

Is she getting tired from coffee?

“I know what you're thinking because of my quirk and yes, we used to be intimate together, and it was very often. We used to spend every moment we could at each other's place” That fact makes him curious.

“That sounds like it was difficult for you both, you must have really loved each other to make that work” The older girl shakes her head and smiles to herself as fond memories fill her mind.

“No, it actually wasn't hard at all, it was actually quite lovely and the easiest thing in the world for us to do. We loved every moment we spent together, and it was freeing whenever I touched her. It was perfect ” but then her eyes fill with a sudden longing and melancholy.

“She was a lot like Himiko actually, it's actually a bit uncanny how similar they are.” The way she says those words seem ominous to him.

I need to do some more research on her.

“She also had a similar quirk to Himiko's too.” Something passes through her eyes that he doesn't recognize as she stares down at her cup. He feels like it's a look of longing. But there's something more to it.

“Other people didn't like her because of it. It was something everyone thought was demonic, ” When she mentions that fact one person he knows from the files he's read on her comes to mind.

“You mean Ai Hachidori? The one with the quirk that lets her feed off of others?” When he mentions that name a look of pain fills her eyes and brings a small bit of tears. 

I didn't realize she was that close to her.

“Yeah, it was her, I would let her feed on me whenever she needed to, that's why we started dating in the first place. Because I was the only person that gave her what she desperately needed.” He opens his mouth to say something, but she speaks first.

“She fell in love with me the first time I gave a piece of myself to her, and the way she smiled that day captured my heart.” The pained look in her eyes tells him he should drop this conversation.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up” She smiles softly at his apology.

“No, it's okay. I'm fine, just….” She leaves those words unsaid and instead focuses on finishing her coffee. But he still has a question he's always wanted to know the answer to.

“Is that why you wanted to help Himiko? Because she reminds you of Ai?” She smiles softly as her eyes begin to droop tiredly.

“Yeah, that's the main reason I wanted to help her, I didn't want the same thing that happened to Ai for her” The reminder that the girl Bulbel loved isn't around anymore sours the mood. 

“What's the other reason you're doing it? Helping Himiko” His golden eyes take in her sleepy and tired form as she begins to rest against the table. 

“Hmm, I'm tired right now, I'll tell you later,” He nods as she begins to close her eyes and fall in to slumber. “Oh, before I forget please remind me to go shopping when I wake up, I need to buy some stuff for my roommate. He needed a usb cord or something….. Good…… night……” Those are the last words she says before nodding off.

He rolls his eyes at the girl sleeping in the middle of a cafe, she definitely reminds him a bit of a certain teacher from UA. Though she's a bit worse than him, at least he brings a sleeping bag.

Why is she so tired all the time? He's curious where all her energy is going. But that question fades away as he thinks a bit harder about her words.

“Wait, since when does she have a roommate?”

Keigo Takami: 32

December 27th

*Whack!*

The sting against his jaw burns painfully, but not as much as his memories.

(I didn't take you for a soft and caring lover)

(You'd be surprised)

It hurts.

He raises his wooden weapon to block the next strike from his opponent's own, but the heavy hit makes the nerves in his hand tingle. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention and gets blindsided and struck across the back by his second opponent.

(Tell me when it gets too much for you) 

(Really? You care enough to not roast me alive?)

The sting across his flesh leaves a deep red mark behind. He quickly swipes his sword with one hand and disarms his first armored opponent weapon before grabbing his sword with both hands.

(Why are you so soft with me? I thought you would have been rougher)

(Says the guy who likes playing with my fire)

He brings it down on the second masked opponent with a thunderous crack that breaks a piece of wood off his opponent's weapon.

(Are you crying?)

(Say anything and I'm sticking you in an oven )

But then he feels sharp pain as two more bring down harsh strikes against his sore back. He grits his teeth before sweeping the seconds leg and swiping at the other two behind him.

(How did you get these scars?)

(Isn't it obvious?)

Then a fifth one faster than the rest rushes forward and strikes at his weapon. He can barely keep it from flying out of his hand but he manages to, even if his arm rings with pain.

(I don't want to fight you!)

(Roast the bird dabi!)

He grinds his teeth as he puts one bare foot forward before rushing towards the other three with a flurry of strikes that seem almost like blind flailing until each one hits one after the other exactly where he intended them. 

With one final swing he knocks the third and fourth down and clashes against the fifths with all his strength. His opponent is strong and even with all his weight he can barely keep them pinned down with his blade. But he pushes his body further and further until his muscles burn and bones feel like they are going to crack. 

(I want to fly free, a bird cage isn't where I belong)

He seethes with anger as he pushes his body to the limit and lets out all those emotions burning inside of him at his masked opponent.

Twice. Bubaigawara. Jin!

Dabi.

But then the sound of a whistle rings in the air and makes him freeze in place. 

“Takami!” He watches as his masked opponent falls backwards and knocks their helmet off as they land. Guilt floods his heart when he sees the fear in the girl's yeary grey-blue eyes as she crawls away from him.

“Shit”

After thoroughly getting chewed out by the instructor for the fifth time this month he takes care of the multiple new bruises across his body and swallows a few pain killers. Ones he needs to stop taking so often.

After apologizing to everyone he was training with, especially that girl who was frightened of him, he leaves and goes back to his apartment to get ready.

He needs to spend the next eight hours trying to convince the board that Himiko has given enough time, and if he can get enough on her side that will make things easier. The end of all this is only four days away, he needs to not hold back anything for the next few days. 

But someone who could make all of this easier isn't here and she's not answering his messages

Where is bulbel?

December 27th

Sakiko Hiyodori

“*Snore!*” The small brunette snores as she sleeps unaware on the couch in her apartment, a place that she didn't fall asleep in last night. 

“Such a excruciating sound.” Someone says before she rolls on to the floor face first.

*Thump!*

“Ow” She whines at the sudden feeling of the cold and hard wooden floor in her face. “Five more minutes Ai…..” The small woman grumbles as she tries to curl up and go to sleep again while unaware of the person watching her. 

“A fair maiden in the arms of sleep how banal a scene upon this wretched world, but not entirely unwelcome” An unfamiliar voice says as something hard pokes into bulbels side.

“Hmmm, Please let me sleep more Ai, I'm tired……” She's as dead as a log and it makes her watcher stamp their foot.

“Such an infuriating existence, not unlike a wasp in a bees place of rest” 

“Fine, fine I'll get her up” A different soft and sultry voice speaks as they form above her sleeping form.

When the sound of her snoring fills the air again Bulbel gets yanked to her feet suddenly by something big and red before tossed onto the couch like she doesn't weigh anything.

“Ah!” Panic floods bulbels mind and body as she looks around herself to see what just happened and if she's in danger. But as she focuses on who is in front of her the sudden fit of anxiety she has begins to calm.

“Oh, it's you, the girl from last night, and……” Her eyes focus on the heavily dressed girl in front of her wearing way too much clothes and trinkets as she leans against her umbrella, then the large bloody creature floating in the air before it condenses back into a vial on her waist.

“Ahahah, why yes it is this radiant form formerly cloaked in the haze of night that graces your abode.” The extravagant girl exclaims add of she has an audience watching. But nothing happens afterwards as silence fills the air while they both stare at each other without saying anything. 

After a minute goes by, the stranger that is in her apartment for some reason shakes her head before sighing and goes into the kitchen. 

There's a girl in my apartment, did my roommate let her in?

But when she sees the unusually dressed girl come back with a small bowl of food and water it makes her smile, even if they coat the bottom in blood and float it towards her.

She definitely knows about my quirk.

“Slim pickings did not fill this meager place, gratitude for this forms generous givings is greatly demanded”

“Oh, thank you for buying food for me, that was really nice of you, If you want me to pay you back just tell me the amount I owe you” The moment those words leave her lips the girls eyes begin to shine brightly and radiantly.

“Hmph, why of course this one has devoted their essence to the greatest devotion of nurture for wayward beings” The girl with black and red tipped hair puffs out her chest with pride and waits for a response. 

“Hmph, that's very kind of you to take care of people that aren't so fortunate” 

“Wow, an actual person that understands you, how rare” The vial at her waists glows as that sultry voice echoes from it.

“Quiet you”

“What if I don't want to be?” The girl who hasn't even given her a name yet begins to argue with that vial on her hip for what feels like hours as Bulbel eats the katsudon she made for her like it was nothing.

I feel like Im forgetting something.

But it's only when she hears the soft patter of bare feet coming from her hallway does she remember what it was. 

Oh, right, I forgot about my roommate.

“Oh yeah sure, says the girl wearing…..contacts…..” All of them go quiet as they look at the thin man with a mess of bed hair walking into the living room. 

When he sees the food in Bulbel’s hands he goes into the kitchen to get something to eat. 

Neither him or them say anything as he scratches at his neck while passing them by.

“Hey, I think we should go now, we got things to do today or did you forget who's birthday it is?!” The vial on that girls hip speaks impatiently as her roommate  looks around the kitchen for food.

“Ah well verily this moment was a deeply pleasant, erm….., It was nice meeting you miss, I hope you feel better after last night” The stranger gives her umbrella a twirl before going to the front door with far too many locks on it. 

Those deep red eyes that are obviously just contacts give her one last glance before she leaves.

Once the door closes her roommate comes back with a bowl of cereal instead of the food the other girl made. 

“Why the fuck was Mircalla Nachzehrer Finch in our living room?” She looks at her roommate who wipes milk from his scarred lip before going back to his room.

But not without sending her a text.

Prince of Troy: You look like shit, go take a shower and change. 

She frowns at his texts. 

Prince of Troy: You look like Himiko took a knife to you.

She looks down at her bloodied clothes and sighs.

River of woe: You're right.

River of woe has changed their name to Bulbel.

Bulbel: stop changing my name to that!!!

(⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

Prince of Troy has changed Bulbel to Habitual liar

Habitual liar: You're evil. 

Prince of Troy : yep, and you stink like blood, take a shower. 

Habitual liar: Fine.

Habitual liar changed Prince of Troy to Troy Story.

Troy story: Fuck you

“🎶 HmmmHmmmm 🎶” With every swipe of the small brush the older woman hums with a smile. She's brushing her young daughter's hair as they sit on her and her husband's bed.

“Hum, hum, hum” The little girl with short bobbed hair tries her best to hum along to the song but she doesn't know how. She's still so young and inexperienced at five years of age. 

It feels like it's been so long since she was born, but no time at all at the same time. 

Sometimes all of this can be absolutely frightening , but also rewarding 

“Mama, how do you do that?” Her daughter puts her head back and those lively brown eyes she has fill her chest with warmth. 

Just seeing her exist is its own reward.

“Try vibrating your throat or lips Ochako” The pink cheeked girl in her lap nods and tries her best to hum too. 

“Hummm, hmmmm, hmmmmm 🎶 “ and when her daughter finally gets it she claps her gloved hands together happily. 

“Mama, I did it! I really did it!”

“Yes you did Ochako, I'm so happy for you” She kisses the top of her daughter's head as her little girl smiles so wide and happily.

She's perfect. 

Her daughter giggles so much her hands begin to glow pink underneath her gloves. 

She hopes one day Ochako doesn't need those gloves all the time.

Hopefully she can feel everything she wants to with those padded fingers of hers, and live a life she wants.

“🎶 First to love me was my mother, who gave me life, and second was my father, who gave me my name🎶 “ 

“🎶 Third was my sister, so kind and caring, and fourth was my brother, so stout and brash 🎶”

“🎶 Fifth was my aunt, with her hair if mahogany, and sixth was her daughter, with her will so strong,  seventh was her own lovely child with eyes like yours🎶” 

“🎶 eighth was a kitten my sister found in the rain, ninth, tenth and eleventh were the kittens she had, all different shades🎶”

“🎶 Twelfth was my lover who I liked more than any other and last was you, my dearest daughter 🎶”  She presses a kiss to the top of her daughters head and it earns her a giggle. 

“You're the greatest gift I have ever got Ochako, I love you”

“ I love you too momma,” Her daughter smiles so happily and it's the sweetest thing in her life. 

Her beautiful smile, it means the whole world to me.

Chapter Text

December 26th

Pandora: Do we have any other family members with a quirk like mine?

Loving Pyrrha: Not to my knowledge shoto. Why?

Pandora sent a video 

▷

[↻      ◁     ||     ▷       ↺]

Pandora: I've been looking through these pictures and videos from my friends and online of hot ice appearing around here and the surrounding cities.

Loving Pyrrha: Is that why you moved in with that girl you know?

Pandora: Yes, that's one of them. I wanted to be closer to where this ice was being found and she was looking for a roommate.

Loving Pyrrha: Shoto, There's lots of people with ice quirks in Japan. Our family isn't the only one with them. Maybe it's just a vigilante in the area.

Pandora: Tokoyami sent me a picture of some of the same ice Ochako encountered a while ago when she was apprehending a villain.

Pandora: Tokoyami said Ochako saw blue fire turning into this ice, and the ice that was left behind was warm to the touch just like the rest.

Loving Pyrrha: !!???

Loving Pyrrha: I'll make some calls. I'll tell you about anything I find. 

Loving Pyrrha: See you later shoto 

Loving Pyrrha has logged off

He stares at the messages from his mother for a moment before clicking off into a different window. He's about to press play on a video he found called top ten coolest quirks, but the sudden sound of a notification pulls his dual colored eyes back. 

CaringArtemis: Hello Shoto, I wanted to check up on you. How's living with your girlfriend? You've been with her for almost a month now. 

Pandora: She's doing okay and so am I.

Scylla: Not dating, to be clear. Only roommates.

Pandora: ???

Pandora: oh, right, girl friend not girlfriend. Sorry.

Scylla: Just say roommate. Kero

Pandora: Okay

CaringArtemis: Oh, sorry for assuming that about you two. 

Scylla: It's fine. Everyone else thinks that too. I'm used to it by now.

CaringArtemis: Okay then take care you two. I'll try to come visit you guys with natsuo on the 31st.

Pandora: See you later fuyumi. I'll make sure to prepare for when you come.

Scylla: See you too Fuyumi 🐸. Say hi to your girlfriend for us. 

Caring Artemis: I will, bye.

Caring Artemis has logged off

Shoto stares at the messages from his family and roommate. Then he goes back to reading through the multiple tabs of articles and threads he's been looking through for answers to this hot ice mystery. He's done everything he could think of to find the answers and now he has to look in places he usually wouldn't go to.

So far he's had to make five different accounts on a throw away email to see if there's anything helpful on some sites he doesn't fully trust, or want spam email from, but he isn't any closer to what he's looking for.

He looks at another forum he found titled (THE hottest heroes you want to know) and decides that trying to find others with a quirk that makes blue fire might help.

Maybe this one will have the answers he needs.

Let'sdance243: Who's the hottest pro you want to bang?

Fangasm: I want to be stepped on by mt lady 🤤.

Such a lonely girl: That green haired one and mirko can rail me any time.

“This isn't what I thought it was. Maybe not that one”

He clicks off the article he thought was going to talk about heat and fire based quirks and goes through a few more before typing what he's looking for in the search bar. 

“Hottest heroes”

What he gets from that is way too many links to adult websites and porn revolving around pros. Far more porn then he thought ever existed. Though some of the animated ones have a very high quality and composition. 

I guess this is why they always tell me to keep safe search on.

He decides to adjust his search to be more specific. 

“Heroes with heat quirks”

Thankfully this one is filled with much less porn. There's still a few if he goes a few pages too far though. 

He is curious why some of the links and blurbs say the names of certain pros going into heat though, and something about ropes?

Why are these all mentioning knotting? Is it that hard to tie something with a rope?

“Are they walking into a desert?” He's curious about what is so interesting about going to a desert, but maybe it's about pros who work in deserts. He decides to check one of the links out and see if there's anything helpful.

3 hours later. 

Pandora: Tsuyu. I have a question. Can you go into heat?

Scylla: what?

Scylla: Oh God I know what you found.

The sound of girlish cackling can be heard from the other side of the apartment.

2 hours later

His head hits the desk as the sound of Tsuyu cackling all the way from the other side of the apartment fills his head. His cheeks burn heavily as shame overcomes him. 

He's not ready to face what comes with answering her next message. 

Scylla: Do you understand now what you were reading, kero?

Pandora: yes. I made a grave mistake earlier. I'm sorry.

Scylla: It's fine, you didn't mean any harm.

The sound of more giggling makes him feel small. 

Pandora: I'm sorry. I won't look at any of this stuff again. Promise.

Scylla: ???, that's not what I.....

Scylla: Shoto. if you like reading that kinda stuff it's not a problem, I don't mind.

Scylla: It's not like others in class haven't read some of it before.

Pandora:.......

Pandora: Okay. 

Pandora: Still, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I should have thought more about your feelings.

Scylla: It's fine. You weren't being malicious, just curious.

Scylla: Though I'm surprised it's taken you this long to find that stuff.

Scylla: You're always looking at stuff online and on forums, that I assumed you knew already. Did you finally turn your safe search off, kero? 

Pandora: Yes, someone on a forum said it might hide results so I turned it off because I'm having trouble finding the information I'm looking for. 

Scylla: I think you might need to have a talk about that kinda stuff with someone. 

Pandora: I know about sex and porn tsuyu. Fuyumi and Natsuo already talked to me about that a few times. I'm not uneducated about it.

Scylla: Was one of those times when you told them you were staying with me, kero?

He bangs his head on the desk again and groans against it so loud Tsuyu obviously heard him.

Now I know why the both of them wanted to give me another talk that day.

Pandora: yes, they did. 

Scylla: I can see where they were coming from though.

Pandora: Right. You're an older sister, like fuyumi.

Scylla: That's probably why I get along with her and you so well, kero. 

He pauses and thinks about how close they've become recently, when they didn't really interact a lot before he asked to move in.

Pandora: Thank you for having me here Tsu, I appreciate it and everything you do. 

Scylla: 👍 (thumbs up)

His fingers freeze for a moment as he contemplates his next words. 

Pandora: I wish we could have talked more often over these years. 

Scylla:.......

……….

Scylla: Me too shoto.

Scylla has logged off

He breathes a deep sigh and decides to go through the rest of the stuff he has opened. But his eyes linger on a tab that has one of those odd stories, the one Tsuyu was just explaining to him about. 

His cursor hovers over the close tab button for a moment. But he clicks the bookmark icon before doing that instead.

*Gurgle*

The feeling of hunger makes him feel alarmed for a moment, until he looks at the time and realizes how late it is.

I need to eat.

He looks over all the tabs he has open and knows that closing his computer would be a pain right now. So instead he puts it into rest mode and gets up to go to the kitchen to make something to eat for himself. 

Maybe I can make Tsuyu some too.

He smiles at the thought of taking care of his friend. But there's still the sting that he's not as close to her as he should be after eleven years.

That thought tastes bitter as ash.

I need to talk to everyone else more often .

When the smell of food fills his nose he smiles softly because his roommate is cooking. It reminds him of when fuyumi used to make food for them at that house. 

A part of him feels a small twinge of pain at the reminder of that place, filled with far too many memories if things he doesn't want to remember.

That shouldn't be something that bothers him still, so why did he feel it.

When he finally enters to see what Tsuyu is making he smiles. It's omurice, a dish Tsuyu usually doesn't like making. He doesn't know why though, but Bakugou did say it had something to do with Ochako.

Maybe she's trying to get used to it now?

He's about to call out to her, but then a sweet and soft melody fills his ears. One that makes something inside of him hurt, painfully.

“🎶 There's a part of me that's desperate for changes, tired of being treated like a pawn 🎶 “

He freezes completely still when he hears that lovely melody she sings quietly, and with every syllable she recites so melodically makes something in his chest ache painfully but also something else.

“ 🎶 Born to live your legacy, existing just to fill your needs. A casualty of this so-called family that you have turned into a travesty 🎶”

He feels frozen in place as he listens to her voice and the words she recites. Ones that feel all too familiar to him. 

“🎶 I'm not your pet. Not another thing you own. I was not born guilty of your crimes 🎶”

He listens to that lovely sound for so long because of how it captures his mind and makes a painful ache fill his chest. One that feels like longing and also a bitter anger.

“Huh? Oh Shoto, I was going to ask if you wanted……..any……” the moment his friend turns around to look at him the smile she was wearing falls away and she turns off the stove before walking over to him.

All these thoughts fill his head, and he's not sure what she's saying to him right now, not until he feels the warmth of her embrace around him.

A warmth that feels comforting, but also brings up pain he thought he was through with. A warmth he hasn't felt since he was child, gentle and caring like his mother used to give him, before she went away. 

One that his mother doesn't give the same way to him anymore. One tinged with so many feelings now.

“You okay, shoto?” 

He blinks once then twice as his arms hover over her form. He's hesitant about returning the embrace. But her smaller form is gentle and soft against his own. 

Bit by bit he lets his own arms wrap around her and rest against her baggy clothes.

He doesn't remember the last time he hugged someone. Was it fuyumi, or someone else? Whenever that was was far too long ago, because he feels an ache to hold her back.

He pulls her closer and it's pleasantly warm, not burning like the heat he used to feel coming from his father. 

It's nothing like him, no harsh strikes against his small body that make him cry or throw up. No burning flames that hurt even if they didn't burn or char his skin. 

Just her, his friend. 

Nothing else.

“I'm fine Tsuyu—, Tsu , thank you” They stay that way a bit longer before she finally pulls away from him, and it makes him miss how kind it was. 

It makes him want to be held again, but also fills his mind with his family, and thoughts of his mother.

“You're welcome, kero, do you want some food? My brother usually likes it when I offer him food when he's feeling down. "He looks at the half cooked food on the stove and nods.

“Do you want me to help you finish cooking Tsu? Fuyumi taught me how to make the egg properly” She shakes her head and grabs the pan from the stove before scraping the food into the trash. 

“I think takeout would be better right now, it's getting late” He looks at the window that was twilight when he came in and sees the sun has already set. 

“I'll pay for it then Tsu” Tsuyu wants to tell him that it's not necessary, but she holds her tongue and nods.

“Okay,” She goes to finish cleaning but he has one last thing to ask her. 

"Tsu, I have a question"

"Not sure If that's a good or bad thing, kero" As she puts everything away and cleans up he asks her something unexpected.

"That song, what was the name of it?" 

"It's...... I'll send it to you after I'm done shoto" He can sense something she wants to say, but she doesn't and instead finishes her cleaning.

Afterwards an hour goes by since the food finally arrives and they both talk amicably for what feels like hours. He thinks it's nice having someone to talk to so easily.

It's nice talking to her.

But there's the taste of ash in his mouth with every bite of food he takes. One he wishes wasn't there.

This scene reminds him of something bitter he doesn't want to remember right now, or ever. A scene where his mother and fuyumi are talking and laughing as his father smiles at them all. 

The longer he thinks of it more bitterness fills his mouth while Tsuyu talks lovingly about ever one of their friends. 

A taste that makes him want to choke whenever he thinks about that man smiling with their family like all the years in that house didn't mean anything. All the hurtful strikes, all the times he was made to feel little, everything done for the twisted image he wanted for him to be.

Everything he still despises.

He knows things aren't the same as back then, and bringing all this up now is pointless, but……

It makes him feel sick.

“You okay shoto?”

“I'm fine Tsu, it's nothing” Her dark eyes look over him with worry and he can see something on the tip of her tongue, but she swallows it and says something else. 

“Okay, but if you need someone to talk to I'll be here, I promise” he gives her a gentle smile. 

She's a kind friend.  

She reminds him of fuyumi often. 

Both of them far to kind for a place like that. 

He never wants anyone else to live through everything in that place. 

Never.

He was warm. It was lovely.

That thought fills her head as she walks to her room after saying good night to shoto.

When she enters her room Tsuyu goes to her space heater and turns it up before going to her bed to bundle up nice and cozy. 

It's December, and it's almost freezing. She wants to feel warm again.

I can't wait til spring comes.

Just a few more months and she'll be able to walk around without so many layers of clothes on and can go back to doing hero work normally. 

A thought goes to shoto and how warm he was.

I'm cold. It would be nice to be close to his warmth.

She blushes for a moment at that thought before cuddling into her blankets.

But this is nice too. 

Tsuyu lets out a content hum as the feeling of heat wraps around her like a hug.

It's not too hot or too cold, just right.  

It's almost enough to make her fall asleep, ironic considering that the cold would do the same to her. But it's a different kind of feeling, when it's warm.

She almost does drift off, until her phone pings with a message. 

“Hmm? Is that Shoto? Oh right I need to send him that song”

Pandora: (3 images attached)

She looks through the images she was sent and her blood goes cold when she sees Ochako, and Himiko Toga making out with her like it's nothing. 

Scylla: Where did you get these? 

Pandora: online and from jirou. They've apparently been around since yesterday night.

Scylla:.......

Pandora: You okay Tsu?

Scylla : I'm fine!

Scylla has left.

Tears fill her eyes as she stares at the girl she spent a long time pinning over, and the girl she tried to save all those years ago. The girl she thought died because she didn't do enough for her, a girl that's that's been dead for over 10 years who is making out with Ochako like it's nothing!!!

She……

She doesn't know whether to be happy or sad and she can't stop herself from sending a message to Ochako. 

Scylla: She's alive!!!!

But she deletes it just as fast. 

“No, I can't get upset at her, I can't, I just…..” She brings the blankets over herself and hides under them like she used to do when she was little. 

She hides away from everything because it's all just too much right now. 

Too much. 

A part of her is tempted to just turn off her heater and open a window so the cold will make her sleep faster, but she doesn't. 

Nobody would want her to do that to herself.

Nobody.

Thankfully sleep takes her before she can think twice about it.

Even if there's tears in her eyes and staining her face.

Chapter Text

“She's the cutest to me” Ochako says fondly to their guests, ones that she isn't focusing on because she's distracted.

It's Ochako's birthday. But I don't have a gift for her . 

What should I get for her? I don't know what she likes. Wait, what do you do for birthdays besides a present and cake?

She's never really had a birthday party she could remember, except that one the league did for her. But she's not sure if that's how they are supposed to be celebrated.

“Huh?” Himiko's cheeks go completely red when she realizes Ochako said those familiar words that have been all she's thought about the last ten years.

“Himiko? You okay?” Ochako gives her shoulder a soft bump and it makes her feel warm inside because the girl she loves is sitting next to her.

The girl that gave her almost everything she's ever wanted in life.

Her girlfriend, Ochako Uraraka. The thought of her becoming Himiko Uraraka makes her heart hammer.

“I'm fine Ochako, but can you say that again? Please~ ” She speaks in an almost begging tone to her lover. But then her amber eyes flick to the two other people in front of her drinking a fancy named tea from one of Ochako's rich friends. 

Maybe now's not the time for flirting.

A part of her feels like it would be weird of her to flirt like that in front of two strangers, but then she hears a soft and husked breath against her ear from Ochako that erases those worries. 

“I was saying that I think you're the cutest girl in the world, and always will be Himiko” Those words make her heart catch flame and pound heavily in her ears.

Himiko blushes and sips at her tasty leaf water to distract herself because all she wants to do is pin Ochako to the floor and drag her fangs across her pulse. She wants to listen to the wanton whimpers she knows Ochako will make. Fortunately she's given a distraction from her indecent thoughts by the very friendly people in front of them. 

Ones that remind her of people from the league for some odd reason she can't quite pin down.

Gentle criminal and la brava, people that helped fight against her and her friends during the war. But also saved many of Ochako's friends, classmates and helped her indirectly with what they did.

No, she doesn't hate them for what they did during the war. All they did was help keep others alive, and make it easier for her to live this hard life over the past ten years. 

She's long lost her fury about her enemies during the war back then. 

No, she has no reason to hate them at all. These two weren't the ones that killed her friend's, far from it. They helped keep her and the league from killing those Ochako loves. Something that she regrets deeply now.

She can't hate them for that. She's actually thankful to them for that. 

No, it's not them that she hates.

It's someone else she doesn't like for what they did during the war, someone who caused the death of someone she loved and cared about during it. 

She doesn't want to ever meet them because of what they did, even if she will someday because they're friends with Ochako. 

It's unavoidable that it will happen soon.

I miss Kurogiri, Dabi, Magne, Jin……..Tomura.

The memories of all the people she's lost stings too much. Would it be easier if she never got attached to them in the first place? Sometimes those thoughts fill her head, she tries to tell herself that it's better that she knew them and loved them in the first place. But it's still bitter and cruel that they're gone, it makes all the good times feel like ash in her mouth.

She hates it. She just wishes that they didn't—

There's a soft kiss near her tear filled eye and it makes her giggle and the tears in her eyes lessen a bit.

“Thank you Ochako. You're sweet.” She sniffles and wipes at her eyes.

“Are you okay?” The twin tailed girl across from her asks kindly. 

It's obvious that she knows who I am, who am I even kidding anymore with this damn shtick.

But even if she knows no one believes she's not someone other than Himiko she can't be herself, not yet. Not until this is finally over, even if it takes another ten even twenty years.

“I'm fine, just……. remembering how long it's been since I last did this, especially with friends and people I love” She hasn't sat down and talked with anybody like this in so long. The last time was when Keigo and Bulbel came over for her birthday at the apartment. 

But every time they come over isn't as often as she would like. Keigo's always busy and Bulbel is Bulbel, she has no idea what she does in her spare time when she's not managing the bar.

I don't know her as well as I thought I did. I thought she was someone I knew almost everything about.

It makes her miss the league and everyone else. 

When they would talk about nothing at all most days. Or make shit jokes and playful comments that never went too far, mostly. She misses how people didn't stare at her fangs and look at her with disgust when they are out. She misses not having to hide them everyday. 

Where her bloody kind of love was just something normal she did and not what drove everyone to despise her. Where her friends didn't hit her for asking for their blood like her parents would. 

It makes this moment bitter sweet. 

Thankfully Ochako is there for her to lean on as she cries.

I'm ruining this lovely moment for everybody. That's all she thinks about as she cries in front of Ochako's friends even if they don't judge her for it.

It makes her happy and sad at the same time, that these two people that are one of the reasons she can even be here aren't looking at her with fear and disgust even as she cries and shows her fangs. No, they're concerned and kind as Ochako helps calm her.

It's nice, and also bitter. She wishes she didn't break down every time someone was nice to her real self.

When her sobs quiet down, La Brava comes to her and offers a handkerchief to wipe her tears.

It makes her giggle. 

“Thank you La brava”

“Manami is fine, you're Ochako's girlfriend so you're our friend too” Manami's voice is soft and gentle. That makes her smile and take the handkerchief to dry her eyes. 

As she dabs at her tears she can tell by the way Manami glances at her spouse that she's a maiden in love. Just like she is with Ochako, and like Ochako the first time she met her. 

I regret hurting her back then. I wish I could apologize enough for it.

“Thank you for this Manami, I'm fine now” She lets out a soft giggle as she tries to give the handkerchief back to her new friend. 

“You can keep it, it's fine Himiko I don't mind” The moment Manami says those words, tension leaves her whole body and she smiles so wide it shows off her fangs, and the way Manami doesn't become disgusted by her makes her so happy it hurts. 

Especially when manami smiles back.

She feels too happy.

She can feel her desire for blood grow and she feels anxiety welling up in her chest. 

Stop it, you have all the blood you need with Ochako. Just ask her.  

But she can feel an ache in her teeth that makes her anxious, nervous and curious about what manami and her spouse's blood tastes like.

“Himiko, do you want to go in the room?” She turns to Ochako with aching teeth and nods. She's thankful Ochako used her real name, even if these two know it's definitely her now.

Why is this happening now?  

“It was nice talking with you two, I'll see you both later okay” Ochako says. Anxiety builds in her chest when they begin to get up to leave.

It feels almost like she's back then watching saito with a bloody nose again.

Her teeth ache painfully that the next few moments start to become a blur, until the sound of a door closing fills her ears has long passed and Ochako's pulse is pressed against her tongue.

She can't stop herself from biting down unconsciously and the moment she tastes Ochako's blood on her tongue it soothes her and makes that ache and memories go away. 

The taste of strawberries is everything to her and soothes away the stray thoughts of what Manami and her spouse's blood tastes like. 

Ochako loves me, she loves me so much. She reminds herself of that fact. She doesn't need to take from others when Ochako gives her so freely, when she has all the blood she needs.

This love Ochako is giving her is perfect and drowns out everything else. 

I'm okay, I'm okay. Everything is going to be fine.

After pulling away and giving one more lick across the mark she made with her teeth she stares down at Ochako as they lie in bed together. One that she vaguely remembers climbing into.

“Ochako? You okay? That wasn't too much right?” She's scared of hurting her girlfriend but the heavy blush and look of lust Ochako gives her is perfect and settles the rest of those feelings she has.

Ones that have been gnawing at her since last nice.

“More Himiko” The way Ochako calls lustfully to her makes Himiko smile and give in to the desires now burning inside her gut because of Ochako's blissed out form.

Ochako likes when she bites her, they're such a perfect match.

“Of course, Chako” she giggles as their lips meet in a blood tinged kiss. Then another as they slot their mouths together easily. 

Her fingers trace the band of Ochako's pants to ask for her permission. Ochako takes her hand and shoves it inside her underwear without breaking the kiss.

The way her knuckles brush against Ochako's clit gives her a needy whine. One she quells with her tongue.

“Is this what you want, Ochako?”

“Yes” She glides her fingers across the soft nub then uses her pointer to give it a soft flick before pinching it lightly between her middle and pointer.

“Himiko” Ochako's voice is lovely calling her name. Another pinch earns her a small buck of Ochako's hips and the slick building tempts her to plunge her fingers inside. 

“Do you want more Ochako?” memories of the dreams she's had of this moment over the years play in her mind. 

It feels like deja vu seeing Ochako this needy, just like in her dreams. No, it's uncanny how much like those dreams this is and it isn't until Ochako's coming from her deft fingers stroking small patterns against her pussy that she realizes those weren't just dreams. They were something else. 

“Fuck” Ochako whines.

“Himiko!” Ochako squirms underneath her as another orgasm comes soon after she inserts a finger.

I guess I'm not as inexperienced as I thought .

As she guides Ochako down from her high and builds her to another one she decides to ask something only Ochako would know from the last time they did this in a dream.

Himiko nestles against Ochako's ear then she says those words that only Ochako would know. 

“Do you want me to use a strap on like you wanted last time?” The moment she finishes speaking Ochako bolts up and stares at her with eyes that make her believe that she's scared. Scared because she shouldn't know that Ochako wanted that. It's almost enough to make her cry because the girl she loves is scared of her just like everybody else. 

But then that fades away and instead Ochako pulls her down until Ochako is straddling her. 

“Ocha-”

She gets a harsh nip to the ear and whines. 

“Himiko, please tell me those weren't just dreams I had about you, please tell me those were actually real somehow” Ochako's breathless as she speaks.

“Ochako I-,” a lovebite against her neck melts her into a puddle just like her brain.

“Please! Keep doing that” when Ochako gives another bite she cries. “Please don't stop!” The previous question is entirely forgotten with each new scrap of teeth across her body.

The memories of their first dream together repeat as Ochako leaves a bite with every article of clothing she takes off. 

Every light brush of them across her thigh, harsh nip at her jaw, flick of fingers across her nipples draws more moans and whimpers out.

Ochako leaves bite after bite down her stomach until she's in between her thighs and it burns pleasantly. 

“Keep…..going” She pants.

The way Ochako's tongue darts between her folds and sucks one between her lips is maddening.

She loves it.

When Ochako's buried face first in her pussy Himiko gets some relief for her need for Ochako.

“More” she begs of the girl that means everything to her. 

Her thighs tighten with every move of her lover's lips against her cunt. Ochako's tongue, teeth, and her own desperate pants are perfect as Ochako tries to drown in her slick.

“Ochako” Those words are breathless as she finally comes and her vision blurs as Ochako continues to devour her.

“I love you Ochako” The gentle movement of Ochako's tongue inside of her is the perfect response.

Her own I love you back.

Himiko closes her eyes and basks in everything that is happening as her fingers dig into Ochako's scalp. 

For just a moment Ochako makes her feel complete.

She smiles as tears run down her face. 

“Maybe If I have you the next 5 years won't be so bad” She whispers so low Ochako probably didn't hear her. 

“As long as I have you I'll be okay, I'll be okay”

Even if I'm too dependent on you for everything .

My jaw is sore. But that was fun. 

She's only ever gotten to do that in their dreams together. No, not dreams, those were something else entirely. 

She's sure of that now, how else was Himiko able to remember what she said in the last one they had together.

I need to ask Himiko about those dreams we had together when she wakes up . We need to talk about a lot of things.

She gives a gentle lick at the fangs Himiko gave her. Ochako smiles because they've been coming out more often now. That fact makes her happy instead of sad like it used to.

It means she's really happy when they appear, and maybe other strong emotions too.

If I'm always happy will they always be there like Himiko's?  

That thought makes her giddy. She'd love to have matching fangs with Himiko. 

Words about becoming like the one she loves ring in her head, words that used to haunt and scare her when they first met. 

But now……

She looks at the girl taking a nap next to her, and smiles. 

It's her birthday, she should think of what to do today with Himiko.

What should I do with her today? We can stay inside all day and watch TV, we can have sex as much as we want, we can bake a cake together, we can cuddle until we fall asleep, or we can actually go out on a date.

But with every one of those things Ochako realizes that Izuku is still right about her, she hasn't been doing things for herself for a while, not even on her birthday.

I think….I think I just want to cuddle with Himiko all day and do nothing but hold her close. That sounds perfect to me. Just me and Himiko.

I want to hold her forever.

Everything else seems uninteresting to her, she just wants to focus on Himiko, what she wants, what she wants to do, what she'd like to eat, where she'd like to go, what…..

“I'm doing it again aren't I?” She feels shame creep up her spine because she's starting to focus entirely on Himiko like she did with Izuku, even if it's different than with him. 

She knows tending to and caring for someone else is one of the ways she shows love, but she's been going too far with it and ignoring her wants and needs more often than she should.

“How do you do things for yourself?” she doesn't know how, she hasn't done that……

When was the last time I did something for myself, actually? 

That's bad if she can't remember something recently or one that stands out. But she's just drawing a blank. 

Maybe Himiko would know how to do things because she wants it, not anybody else?

She pinches her pink cheeks and sighs.

I need to talk to someone about all this.  

She's not sure if that should be Himiko or not. It might be too heavy a burden to place on Himiko after last night. 

But maybe it would be good to talk to her about her feelings, something she never really did as often as she should have with Izuku. 

Maybe I should talk to the others first before I decide to do anything . But who would I go to?  

Who's the most emotionally mature of her friends?

Maybe Tsu?

As she tries to think about which one of her friends to go to for help her phone pings with a message. 

She picks it up from next to her and opens it without thinking because she expects it to be one of her friends.

She hopes it's not izuku, not right now. She still needs to process things about him first. 

I'm still figuring out my feelings and thoughts about Himiko. I don't want to add something else to that right now.

But it's not a friend, just a stranger that sent her an odd message. 

Acheron: What would you do for someone you love?

She blocks the weird message before setting her phone down, but then there's another ping.

“Huh?”

Acheron: How far would you go for someone you care about? 

“Block”

Acheron: what would you become for them?

She tries for the third time to block them but it doesn't work.

Acheron: How far would you lose yourself for the one you love?

She’s half tempted to turn it off and take out the sim card. But she doesn't because of their next words. 

Acheron: What would you give up for her?

Her blood turns cold because of those words and a protective rage consumes her whole. 

Space girl: Who is this!??! Stop it!

She receives no reply for a brief moment and it makes her seethe with anger at the next one.

Acheron: Huh?

Acheron: Oh wait hang on. I forgot to fix my name 

She just wants to throw her phone in anger so this will just stop, but then she loses all the motivation with those next words. 

It's a bird: Sorry, this is bulbel. 

It's a bird: Sorry that sounded weird earlier, I haven't really used this message thing before outside of talking to my roommate and he keeps changing my name. I got your information from Keigo and was just rambling because this meeting is making me really tired.

It's a bird: I'm about to fall asleep(⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ

Ochako rolls her eyes and sighs.

Space girl: please don't send ominous and strange things next time, you were really upsetting me. I thought a villain was stalking me and Himiko. 

It's a bird: Sorry, my bad. >⁠.⁠<

It's a bird: I'm just really tired right now so I might be saying strange things, I can barely keep my eyes open anymore. But talking with you is helping me stay awake. Thank you. <3

It's a bird: Oh wait Keigo needs me, I'll talk to you later.^⁠_⁠^

She frowns at the messages bulbel left and how odd this bulbel girl is.

Is she really a part of my family? Her name was Sakiko Hiyodori, right? I've never heard of her.

She decides to call her parents later to ask about Sakiko and see if she's telling the truth or not. 

I want to cuddle with Himiko.

The last few minutes were stressful for her because of this Bulbel. She thought someone was trying to hurt Himiko.

The words Bulbel sent to her repeat in her head as she pulls Himiko into her arms. A place where Himiko will always be safe. 

A place she never wants her to leave.

Right next to her heart.

A place she wants to keep Himiko forever. Her Himiko.

As she begins to nod off in Himiko's warmth she can't help but think about those words.

What would she do for Himiko?

Dark thoughts swirl in the back of her mind, ones that say one thing that gives her a deep sense of foreboding.

“I'd give anything for you Himiko”

There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

It's a bird: Oh wait Keigo needs me, I'll talk to you later.^⁠_⁠^

She turns off the phone and sighs as she looks down at the city in front of her. One from a view up so high.

Bulbel looks down at her message before sighing as she stares at her ungloved hand while her own words ring in her head. Words that she has been wanting to ask Ochako for a long time.

What would you give for the one you love?

Her next words are quietly whispered as she looks out from the ledge she's sitting on as a small blue flame forms in her palm.

“I'd give anything for you Ai,” She stares deeply at the flame in her hand and the memories of the one this flame belongs to fills her mind.

“There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Ai,”

“Nothing”

She needs to get back to keigo now, that meeting is probably starting up again.

Maybe I can sleep through the unimportant parts of it, it's not like I'm much use there. 

She can't really do anything important. Unless they try to do something stupid that will hurt Himiko.

“I want to sleep”

“Since when could you do that?” She goes completely stiff and the flame in her hand turns to ice and falls when she hears that voice, one from the person that caught her using another quirk.

Keigo.

Those golden eyes staring at her makes her wish he didn't see her just now. 

Damnit.

Chapter Text

The all too familiar flame in front of him turns solid and falls to the floor with a muffled thud. Neither of the two of them say anything as they just stare at one another without saying anything. 

Well this is awkward.

“So is this the part where you say it was all just an act for your evil plan?” He says those words in a half kidding tone, but it's a genuine question.

Has everything over the last ten years been just a lie?

But the way that Bulbel looks at him with an incredulous look, one without anger, just confusion because of what he said makes him hopeful it wasn't all a lie.

“Evil….. Plan?” He takes a step forward and she tenses up. A part of him is hesitant to get near her because he's not sure what she'll do, but he hopes that she's still a friend, even after this.

“Yeah, in those old cliche movies this is the part where the traitor to the heroes finally reveals themselves and they go ‘it was me all along.’” He gets another baffled look from her. 

There is a long heavy pause where she just stares at him for a moment before letting out an exhausted sigh in defeat. 

“I'm tired, I want to go to bed…..” His caution begins to abate a bit as he looks at her small and tired form. One that doesn't seem as dangerous as the ability she possesses, one that may be just like all for one.

But is she as dangerous?

He takes another step forward and for a moment it looks like she's going to run away, but then she lets everything out and sighs as she hugs her knees to her chest. 

“Keigo……” but she doesn't say anything else, only sits there curled up against the ledge.

He decides to take a risk and steps forward toward the ledge. Then he places down the items he brought for her before sitting down next to her. 

A piece of meat in a plastic wrapper and a bottle of water for her. Things that he came up there to give her because she looked more exhausted than usual today.

He looks over the older girl, before taking a sip of his drink. A small coffee. They both sit in silence for what feels like forever but it's only a few minutes. For a moment he thinks she has fallen asleep again. He's almost tempted to bring her off the edge so she doesn't fall off. 

It's a long way down, but then she finally speaks. 

“Keigo, I have a question” her voice sounds exhausted.

“About?” There's another pause as she stays there curled up in a ball for another minute.

“It's….. About something I don't like” he looks her over once before nodding even if she can't see it. 

“Yeah, you can ask me, but I get to ask you something in return, okay?” He watches as she clenches her hands tight for a moment before letting it go.

“Okay” There's another long pause before she finally lets go and uncurls from herself, and when he sees the dismal look in those normally cheery eyes it makes him feel like something bad is approaching. 

“Do you hate death?” The air suddenly becomes stifling between them, like the air itself weighs a thousand pounds. He doesn't want to answer that question and instead deflects.

“Do you?” a visceral anger fills those eyes staring out at the city in front of them. She stays that way for a brief moment before it all fades away. 

“I used to” 

“Used to?” He doesn't like her answer at all. A part of him feels something dangerous coming off of her. 

Maybe she's not really as much of a friend as I thought she was……..

“Yes, because now……..”

“I despise it more than anything else”  

She grabs one of the items he left next to her before tearing off the wrapper with her teeth. She takes a harsh bite of the small piece of meat in her hand and chews it almost angrily.

He doesn't know what to think about her right now.

“Keigo” she looks down at the city below her and chews on the food. “If you could take away all the death, pain, suffering and misery in this world, and all it would cost was yourself, would you do it?” He doesn't like that question, not at all.

“Would you do that, Bulbel?” for just a moment it feels like she might actually do something terrible, but her next words kill that thought. 

“No, not anymore. Not since I met Ai” She takes another intense bite before staring out ominously at the city.

…….. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe she still is a friend.

As she eats piece after piece he decides to ask his own question.

“Bulbel, why haven't you told Himiko the truth about everything? You haven't told her too many things” Bulbel freezes in place and chews solemnly on the last part of her food, before stuffing the wrapper in her coat pocket.

That small action tells him she's not a heartless person if she cares so much about something insignificant to most people.

“I…..I…….” Bulbel hangs her head as she tries to speak. “I don't know……. I'm sorry……….” a second passes before she turns to him with teary eyes. 

“I know, I'm not a good person, Keigo. I stopped being one the day Ai was killed” Then she wipes at her tears, as hushed words leave her mouth that he can barely hear.

“I should have told her everything, that's what I should have done” She grits her teeth angrily before losing all energy she has. 

He takes in her demeanor and comes to the conclusion she's not dangerous, not right now. 

He just hopes she stays that way.

He still has questions for her, but the heavy look of sleep in her eyes tells him she needs to sleep first. 

She needs to answer them all. 

“First was my father who loved me like no other, Second was his brother who tended my wounds” 

“Third was my best friend maron with her thick coat of fur, fourth was a pen pal I liked from Mie"

He listens to her soft voice as she recites that song of hers, one that lists off the people that she loved or cared for one way or another......

........before they died.

“Ochako? You okay?” Himiko's soft voice calls to her and breaks Ochako free from the strange reverie she was in for the last few minutes.

“Huh?” Her vision focuses back on the TV they are watching and those strange murky thoughts in her head fade away into almost nothing. Ochako shakes her head to try and chase away that strange feeling she has. One that feels like deja vu and also a distant memory at the same time. Whatever it is.

But it's not because ochako has no memory of what she was thinking about. 

“Yeah I'm okay, just thinking, that's all Himi” She curls in further under the blanket with Himiko. It feels all too cold all of a sudden.

As she basks in the warmth they share, Ochako listens to Himiko laugh and smile as she watches TV with her.

But with every light and airy laugh and hushed giggle from another joke it makes Ochako curious about her. 

“Himiko where do you live?” Ochako asks the girl cuddled up next to her on the couch as they share a blanket. Himiko gives her a small shrug as she focuses on the episode they are watching and leans closer into her.

“I live around the city” Himiko's attention on the TV is rapt and unwavering. Himiko's been glued to the TV ever since she asked what she wanted to watch.

She picked an old animated series, one that Ochako's never seen like it before, it's about three different kinds of bears that are brothers. A polar bear, a grizzly bear, and a panda.

It actually made her cry a few times, every once in a while, especially that episode about the young polar bear in the arctic.

“Himiko, do you feel uncomfortable with me knowing where you live?” Ochako is curious why Himiko gave her that kind of answer, but if Himiko's not comfortable with giving her that information she won't push her for it.

“N-no, I'm not uncomfortable with you knowing that and I do want you to know, it's just…..” Himiko's eyes turn away from the TV for a moment as a blush fills her cheeks. “I'm just embarrassed about what you'll see if you come visit me.”

Ochako is curious why Himiko would be embarrassed about her seeing her home, until she thinks back to all the merch that's been made of her since she became a pro. From figures and posters to unofficial body pillows, ones that Mina and some of the other girls have joked about giving her as a birthday present. 

Would Himiko have one? She's not against the idea, though she doesn't know if she wants to know what kind of one Himiko has.

She puts that thought away for now and gives her cheek a small rub with her own. That earns her a soft giggle in response. 

“Hehe~” Ochako just wants to bask in this moment but there's something that's been bothering her since earlier, when Manami and Danjuro came. 

“Himiko, was it alright for me to call you my girlfriend? I probably shouldn't have said that without talking it over with you—” Himiko quiets her with a small kiss.

“It's okay, Ochako. I know you did that to make me feel better, I don't mind, I liked it when you did that.” A small pang of guilt fills her heart at the same moment happiness does. One that knows she shouldn't assume or make decisions for Himiko.

“I'm still sorry for doing that, even if it's something you wanted” Himiko just shakes her head before putting her arms around Ochako and squeezing tight. 

“You don't have to be sorry Ochako, It's okay” the comforting hug is nice and helps relieve some of that worry she has, even if it's still there.

“Does that make us officially girlfriends then?” Himiko gives a small yawn.

“Yeah, I guess it does, you're mine and I'm yours now” Himiko beams happily and cuddles more with her. 

Those words make her happy too, and she gives Himiko a chaste kiss on the cheek to tell her that.

Then they both sit in silence as one of the bears on TV makes a highly advanced Roomba. Ochako can't help but think of Mei right now and how many babies she's made over the years. 

I haven't seen her in a while, maybe I can take Himiko to see her someday.

She is probably do for a check up on her gear soon anyways. 

“🎶 Hmmm. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. 🎶” The soft melody and warmth from Himiko almost makes her want to fall asleep again. She almost does until Himiko speaks up. 

“Aww, this is the episode that always makes me cry” Ochako looks at the screen and just sees a giant burrito covered in foil. 

She doesn't see how a burrito can— and when the episode is done she's crying along with Himiko. They pause the show and comfort each other. Soon they break out into a fit of giggles as they wipe each other's eyes.

All of this feels so domestic to her, it's lovely. A part of her feels a small pang because of these moments she shared with Izuku but the ones she is experiencing now are sweet enough to soften it.

She presses her lips forward to meet Himiko's own. They both hum in satisfaction from the small connection they had in that moment. Himiko's eyes water again and she presses their foreheads together.

“Ochako, how…. How do you be happy? I, I don't know how to do that, or what to do with all this joy inside of me, it almost hurts ” Himiko sniffles and kisses Ochako's cheek until they fall back into the couch together. “I don't know what to do with all these things I feel, I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do something” Himiko's hand runs up Ochako's thigh briskly and makes her shiver.

“I want to do so much to show you my love Ochako, but I also just want to hold you close and never let you go, it's confusing to me and makes me scared that I might hurt you again” Ochako thinks deeply about her answer to that question, one that she isn't sure of, but the sound of knocking on her front door makes them both sigh in annoyance.

“Right, Izuku is supposed to come over” Himiko's eyes fill with worry as she pulls away from her. “It's okay Himiko, I'll tell him to come back some other time, hang on” Ochako starts to get up from the couch to see her Ex boyfriend, one that she really doesn't want to see right now after their failed date and breakup. 

She has far too much to sort out in her head and heart between Himiko and him.

“W-wait, Ochako, it's fine you don't need to do that”

As she takes hesitant steps towards her door the sound of Himiko's bare feet can be heard following her.

“It's okay Himiko, I'll be quick”

Just open the door and tell him now is not a good time, that's all she has to do. She hesitantly reaches for the handle to open the door and for a moment she's scared of what will happen and the feelings in her heart for Himiko and him. She's not sure what she's going to do or say but none of it is what she does when the door opens. 

“Ah, such unending folly from the one bearing a visage of northern facing bark, a true virtuoso of unfettered insanity bearing an utterly broken and fragmented mind” A familiar girl's voice speaks.

Is that mircalla? What is she doing here?

“Did you just call me moss?” Her ex boyfriend says as if offended to the girl with black and red tipped hair, and wearing far too many trinkets. 

Ochako watches the two of them bicker (really it's just her insulting him and him being annoyed) She can't help but laugh a little at their antics. The sound of her giggling draws both of their attention to her. Those gleaming red eyes that belong to the blood user turn to Ochako at the same time Izuku does. 

“Ochako I—” but Izuku doesn't get to speak before Mircalla's umbrella pops open and covers his face. 

“Disincline your kind essence from this jester's abysmal and uninformed parlance, salutations and plentiful givings are upon thee this good morrow kind soul” Izuku huffs as he swats her umbrella away and groans before stepping forward towards Ochako and Himiko, who Ochako just realized right now is hiding herself from the other two with her body.

“Ochako I need to talk to…..” but his voice goes silent when he sees the blonde girl peeking out from behind Ochako, one that looks scared and afraid of both of the newcomers. He's so distracted he doesn't register the smack of an umbrella in his face from mircalla. 

“Such unrepentant and dismal manners towards one which has given you courtesy enough” Mircalla’s blood red eyes flash to the girl behind Ochako for a moment and the way Himiko grips on to Ochako's arm tells her Himiko doesn't like Mircalla.

Ochako finally decides to put her foot down because of how scared Himiko is and tells them both to leave, nicely. 

“Can both of you go away, you're both upsetting my girlfriend, and me ” Well as nice as she's feeling right now, which isn't a whole lot. 

Izuku looks at her with utter befuddlement because of how stern she is being. But when he looks back at Himiko and how uncomfortable she is he decides to listen to the best of his ability. 

“I'm sorry Ochako I…. I'll come back later if that's okay?” She can tell how guilty he feels for what he and Mircalla are doing to her girlfriend. 

Mircalla gives him a soft scoff before holding out a small fabric bag towards her which Ochako takes easily.

“Happy birthday, we hope you both have a good time today” Mircalla and the blood vial on her waist say at the same time before giving a small and polite curtsy. Izuku looks away in embarrassment because he didn't bring a gift for her and now realizes he should have.

“H-Happy Birthday Ochako, I'm sorry, I should have brought something for you today, I'll make it up to you later, I promise” he gives a deep apologetic bow to her before Ochako begins to close the door on them both, but not without at least thanking them both for their words and gifts, even if she feels overly protective of her Himiko.

When the door is closed she pulls Himiko back to the couch and sets Mircalla's gift on the floor at their feet. 

“Himiko? You okay?” She hesitates to touch Himiko for a bit until Himiko pulls her close instead. 

“I'm fine, just…. Nothing…….. I'll be fine just……hold me,” Ochako wraps Himiko in her arms and does as Himiko wants, as long as she wants.

Why was she here? She shouldn't be here! So why was she?! And how does Ochako know her?!

Himiko tries not to break down after seeing her again, someone she doesn't want to see ever again. Not right now when she's in a good place and has Ochako. 

But she can't stop thinking about her ! 

Why did Ochako have to get involved with her?

As she walks back to her apartment the older woman rubs at her tired eyes as the pitter patter of freezing cold rain pelts the umbrella she's holding. 

It was supposed to snow a little bit, but that's probably not happening.

Maybe global warming is real. She thinks to herself to try and lighten her mood. She hasn't seen snow in a while, it's something Ai always liked playing in.

“I think I should take a short cut home” The woman known as Bulbel walks towards the opening of the alley on the left side of the walkway. 

Hopefully she can get back soon, she's about to pass out again and she doesn't want a repeat of last night. She might not get so lucky again.

But as she's about to pass an inconspicuous pile of garbage, her eyes catch on to something that makes her feel extremely queasy. 

Ignore it.

She tries to avoid the pile of garbage and that but she stops in place and lets out a heavy sigh. Bulbel makes the mistake of turning around and walking back to the pile of foul smelling garbage even though she shouldn't. 

Then she kneels down towards what is making her feel sick and raises her right hand towards it, then she winces in pain as that awful feeling starts to come back again as a bright energy starts to coat her fingers.

She takes a very long and deep breath as she tries her best to cope with the intense pain.

“Harpy Hare, where have you buried all your children?”

There's a sudden and painful snap of bone from what is in front of her in a mess of red and grey on the ground.

"You can't keep them all caged. They will fight and run away"

Blood begins to flow down from her finger tips as her fingernails start to become shorter, centimeter by centimeter, until it starts to reach her nail beds.

"She can't keep them all safe, they will die and be afraid"

Tears fill her eyes as the nails on her right hand begin to disappear and her blood begins to spill onto the floor. 

There's another snap of those small and short limbs and a choked and pained gargle.

As the pain grows stronger with each second she cries more and more and the sight of what is happening in front of her makes the older woman want to throw up.

“Mother, tell me you will stay”

Then there's a pained cry and hiss as the glow from her bloody fingers fades away.

She looks down at the small blood covered creature in front of her, as it backs away and hides in fear from her in the pile of trash behind it. 

Bulbel retracts her bloody hand and sets down her umbrella before raising her other limp wrist towards them to sniff.

When the small animal takes a hesitant step forward out of the pile of trash that was its home she smiles because it's starting to sniff her hand. 

“You're a good kitty” she smiles softly as it begins to run against her hand.

But then a look of fear fills its eyes as it retreats back into its hiding place. 

“Huh?” She's confused why they are suddenly so scared, but it isn't until she realizes that the pain, from what she just did, is numbing her senses that Bulbel realizes there's people behind her. 

“That's a neat little trick” she turns around to look at the people that walked up to her without noticing them. 

But then there's a strange sound the moment she looks at them as something sharp presses against her throat.

But just as she realizes what it is there's a sharp and all too brief pain before everything goes dark and her blood splashes the home of the once dead cat behind her.

Chapter Text

Regarding Himiko Toga and her signs of deviancy, session 8.

• Himiko Toga still displays signs of wanting to drink and consume blood in some way, even her own. She even confessed to eating raw meat in secret. Have reprimanded her for her unsafe behavior and informed parents to monitor her more often.

• Himiko Toga still refuses to tell the truth concerning her self harm and the urges she gets from her quirk mentioned in our first session. She is likely doing it for some form of attention from her parents or a figure of authority. Have requested the school and parents to monitor her more closely so she doesn't go too far with it.

• There have been reports of her still staring at others injuries from her teachers and parents even after months of sessions. Informed her of how abnormal and wrong that behavior is many times during the session but she still refuses to listen.

• Got extremely emotional and upset during the last few sessions and has confessed to having dangerous thoughts. Displayed severe anger and began to cry when told to keep those feelings in check often and not act on them. 

• Returned to normal after talking about a girl she felt a form of affection for during her outburst. When told that she'll grow out of those feelings soon and meet a boy she will like she went completely silent. Have informed parents and requested they monitor her for any other outbursts.

• Looks severely depressed and tired, but that isn't odd for students this time of year. 

• Has confessed to wanting to stop going to school. Scolded her for having those thoughts when her parents work hard for her everyday. 

• She has confessed that she finds other girls in her class attractive in the past, informed her this session that romantic feelings for a girl are not normal for another girl to have.

Regarding Himiko Toga and her signs of deviancy, session 47.

• Himiko has made significant progress since starting, at this pace she can become a normal functioning member of society and will no longer be a burden on her parents and others anymore. She'll finally be a fully functioning and contributing member to society.

• She has been working hard and is achieving top marks in all her classes, at this rate she can even get into a school like UA easily, even if she could only get into the support course with her abnormal quirk, one that has no applications for a hero.

• She no longer stares at other’s injuries and blood, which is a good sign that these sessions are finally working.

• Shows no signs of self harm anymore and seems completely normal in all ways. 

• Smiles happily but manages to keep her off putting teeth hidden while doing so. Have recently been informed that she has an appointment to fix their deformity this weekend.

• No longer has sudden emotional outbursts or cries during our sessions.

• No longer has dark and unwanted thoughts, a sign that her deviant behavior is finally becoming treated and normal now. 

• No longer talks about other girls in a romantic sense and has a date next week with a boy, though the age gap is a bit concerning.

(There is a note at the bottom.)

She may finally be a normal girl now, if not then soon.

*Knock knock!*

“Who is it?” The aging woman with greying hair looks through the file she has on one of her patients, the youngest she's ever worked with.

“Miss Yomi Tsukihime, the police are here” A young woman's voice calls from the other side of the door.

“Huh?” she's confused why the police would be here, she doesn't see why. None of her patients have been acting strange lately.

But after they come in and ask about one of her patients she frowns and feels a ball form in her throat. 

“Miss Tsukihime, regarding your patient Himiko Toga—”

Ochako Uraraka: 21

January

The young woman with auburn hair and dressed in her recently modified suit takes a deep breath before putting on a smile as she steps into the classroom of middle schoolers. 

“Excuse me, Im—”

“(Gasp!) Oh my god! It's Uravity!!!” She winces at that young girl's voice as almost all the kids in the classroom turn to her as the teacher gives her a skeptical look. 

“Settle down class” The older woman sighs before getting up to guide the young hero into the classroom full of kids around twelve year olds. “I'm sure Miss Uravity needs no introduction, but please try not to bombard her with too many questions class” the moment the teacher speaks up some of the students stiffen still and it makes her feel uncomfortable.

Her voice is a lot different from Aizawa and the other teachers she's met so far. It's almost harshly cold.

“Oh, I don't mind really, I'm used to it by now” She gives her a small smile but the older woman gives her an eye roll before going back to take her desk seat again. 

The way the teacher callously goes back to writing on stacks of papers makes her feel a bit miffed, she hasn't met a teacher like her before. One that doesn't radiate warmth towards the kids like fuyumi.

Ochako decides to begin talking to the young kids, she only has an hour with each class and she needs to get through them all before the school day ends. She might not be able to do that and she's not sure if she can come back tomorrow, she has another school to visit and then go back to work.

Ochako begins to walk up to the first set of students, and her boots clack quietly against the ground with every step she takes. She can't do anything about all the things she has to do soon, the only thing she can do at the moment is focus on this class and talk to the kids to learn about them and their lives. 

She goes to the first student with stars in their eyes and asks for their name, even if all the desks are marked with the already, as well as about who they are as a person, and she does it for every single one of them after that.

There's Akira, a small boy that can grow plants from his fingers and wants to be a firefighter despite his quirk, there's Akemi, a very nervous pig tailed girl who needs glasses to see, Haru, a young quirk less girl obsessed with the pink of her costume and proclaims she's going to be a top hero.

There's so many more students to memorize and learn about after those first ones and she tries to spend as much time as she can talking to each and every one of them. She only has so much time to give, but she does her best to make every second count. 

She has to.

One by one she does everything she can to engrave every single person in her heart, even if it's already so full of so many others that she'll eventually lose and forget some, but even still she tries for them, for all of them. She won't let them fall through the cracks, she won't, not again. 

Not like her .

After her hour for this class is up Ochako is almost sure she's talked to everyone in class, though she remembers the principal saying there were twenty five students in this class, yet she's only met twenty four. Maybe she just misheard or someone is out sick today.

Ochako begins to turn around to head to the next class, and repeat this again with them, and then again and again for the rest of her life. Until she's too weak to do it anymore.

She has to make these moments she does have before then worth it, for them.

All of them.

She's tired, but she'll gladly do this as many times as she's able to if this even has a chance to help any of them in some way. It's just about everything she can do, for now, but just a little longer and she can help them even more, just a little longer for what she's doing to actually get somewhere meaningful for everyone. 

Just a little bit and she can help so many that need it. 

Just like she deserved.

She just wishes all of it was faster and more efficient, and that she could do so much more for each and every one of them because they deserve it, like she wishes everyone in this world deserves. 

But she's only one person who can't be everywhere at once. 

Just a little longer and—

But then Ochako feels a sharp tug on her hand from a young girl with long grey hair and crystal blue eyes, one of the last students she talked to that sits at the back of the class.

“Hello, Suigin, right?” The small girl nods before tugging even harder on her hand towards the back of the classroom. 

“Pearl” The small silver haired girl mumbles nervously, barely loud enough for her to hear.

“Pearl?”

“ Suigin, she's fine” The teacher says almost harshly from behind her desk.

She?

When the teacher calls Suigin’s name the young girl freezes in place as a worried expression fills her eyes, one she's seen many times before. Ochako gives the older woman at the front of class a glare that makes the teacher roll her eyes before going back to her work.

“It's okay, Suigin, what is it?” Her gaze softens before she turns back to Suigin. The young girl's eyes flick to the teacher again, and Ochako can tell she is worried about something, for some reason.

Ochako blocks out the older woman with herself, before giving the younger girl a small smile. 

“It's okay, Suigin, you don't have to be worried, I promise” She does her best to reassure her. The young girl gives her one last look before nodding and leads her to the back of the classroom to what looks like a bunch of poster boards standing up near the wall almost inconspicuously. But now that she looks at it, it looks really suspicious the way it's set up.

All of the boards are blank from what she can see, it's like something is being hidden.

Why didn't I notice that before now. The lack of sleep must be getting to her.

The young girl lets go of her hand before walking up to the poster boards and taps them each lightly with the tips of her fingers, just like how she uses her own quirk.

Ochako watches as it causes a small bubble with a clock symbol on it to engulf the boards. Then she watches in amazement as they all fold in on themselves and lean back against the cabinet next to them. 

She would be amazed at such a young girl being able to do something like changing time for those boards, but her eyes are too busy staring at the young and the all too small looking girl that was hidden behind the boards as if she wasn't a living breathing person. 

One with wildly long and almost unkempt plum colored hair down to the floor she is sitting on, dressed in strangely plain clothes that are a size too big for her.

A girl with eyes a color like dried blood that lack any emotion and feeling as they stare off at nothing, not even to glance at either of them. They look almost lifeless, but the way she breathes and tries to hide herself away from her means they are alive, but the way they look and move reminds her of a dead bird more than a person.

Ochako's first instinct is to rush forward to them and pull the small girl into her arms to comfort them. She can't stop thinking about how awful it feels to see her like this, but then it looks like the very air itself cracks apart like broken glass and something inhuman reaches out of it and holds itself over the girl's body. But even though it looks protective of this girl, Ochako senses something almost malevolent about that arm-like thing. 

She looks it over and it seems like it's made of something that appears similar to a pure silver metal. It's almost like a piece of armor with the small bumps, curves and sharp angles it has, but the way it moves and bends its fingers effortlessly looks more like flesh than metal. 

It's almost disturbing to her. Almost .

Her eyes flick to the other students who aren't even acknowledging this girl hidden at the back of the class as they work like nothing's wrong. 

Nobody is saying anything.

Ochako decides to move back a little bit to give her some space and thankfully that strange limb begins to pull itself back into what looks like the air, broken like a glass mirror. Then the air forms back into place as if nothing happened at all.

It's almost frightening.

Ochako bites her tongue as she looks around the young girl, there's a bunch of scattered papers around the girl that look like worksheets. Most are completely blank, but others are filled to the margins with scratchy writing that is almost completely illegible, but she can make out a few letters, numbers and other stuff, none of it makes sense to her until she focuses on one of the questions and realizes those are supposed to be answers. 

But the answer is scattered, overlapping and written in shaky scratchy writing.

Then her eyes go to the short pencil lying close to her, one that looks like it was picked apart with someone's bare fingers to expose the lead, and the dark tips of some of the almost lifeless girls nails tells her it was.

The more she looks at the girl the more awful she feels. 

“Hello, my name is Ochako, what's yours?” But she doesn't get a response from the girl that is inhumanly still, to the point it feels almost disturbing. She's never seen a living person like that before.

“What are you doing all by yourself at the back of class?” She talks to them kindly. There's still no response and the completely blank and unchanging look of the plum haired girl makes her feel more uneasy, she's never met someone like this before. 

She can't help but think a bit of eri, but even she would respond when talked to. 

She feels unsure of what to do and holds out her hand towards the girl and that limb comes back and it holds itself defensively an inch away from her hand, but doesn't close the distance. Ochako pulls her hand back and so does that strange arm as if it's mirroring her. 

It almost feels like it's defending this girl.

What are you doing here, and why are your eyes so empty?  

But then she watches as Suigin begins to walk forward towards that girl's space, past the range where that arm would appear for her. But there's nothing that happens for the other girl as she kneels down next to the other girl and begins to pick up the papers scattered around the floor and organize them into those with writing on them and others without. 

It seems Suigin is allowed to get close to her.

“Are you two friends?” The silver haired girl looks at the other smaller girl before nodding.

Why is she so small?

“Y-yes, she's my friend, we've known each other since elementary, but we haven't talked in a while” There's a slight movement from the other girl when Suigin says those words, but it's barely noticeable and her eyes are still dull and seemingly lifeless, but there's an ember of life in them now.

“What's her name?”

“It's pearl ”

Pearl. That's a bit of an unusual name, unless it's a nickname.

But the small amount of movement that comes from the other girl tells her that pearl feels some way about that name.

“Pearl, are you okay?” She tries again. But there is no answer, there is not a single thing that tells her she even heard her. 

“Hmmm” She decides to try something else, she raises her hands up and tries her best to remember how to do it.

(P-E-A-R-L)

The moment she signs her name a bit of liveliness returns to those dull almost empty eyes, it's brief, very brief, but at least she has her attention now. That's good. 

“Is she deaf or hard of hearing?” She asks Suigin as those dull eyes stare at her. Suigin shakes her head before raising her hands and signs back an answer. 

(Neither, she can hear you, someone from her family was though)  

Was?  

That thought makes her fearful because it was past tense. She doesn't want to think about those memories it dredges up. 

Ochako takes a moment to look at Pearl again as she moves her hands and fingers in the right movements.

(Are you okay Pearl? Why were you being hidden away from everyone else?) She waits patiently for any reaction from the other girl, but there's almost none, except a small and barely noticeable flicker in her eyes, one that dulls almost instantly.

She knows this is cutting into time she could be spending with the other classes and students but she doesn't care right now, because this girl's eyes look so empty and sad.

“Mph…..” There is a small sound that comes from her, then the young girl begins to move just a little bit as she tries to say something, but it's barely anything before she goes completely quiet again. 

Ochako chews on her lip as she tries to think about what to do, but the sound of footsteps can be heard coming closer to her. She knows it's the teacher that is probably going to ask her to leave her alone.

She doesn't know if she should.

“I think that's enough Miss Uravity, you've done enough” She bites the inside of her cheek before looking at the little girl in front of her sitting at the back of class away from the other students.

It makes her upset, but she doesn't know if it's wrong or not for her to say anything about it.

“Why is she alone and away from the other kids?” Ochako can't help but feel upset and it shows on her face as she tries to turn to face the woman standing behind her, but the moment the young girl sees her upset expression she actually moves, and curls into herself as if trying to hide away from something.

The thought it might be her hurts.

Ochako's expression softens and the urge to hug Pearl to comfort her is still there, but she can't because Pearl doesn't want her to. She can't get anywhere near her like Suigin can.

She….. She doesn't know what to do in this situation……

“She's fine where she is Miss Uravity. She chose to sit here by herself when she first came here, you're just going to upset her if you try to do anything” 

“But…..” She wants to ask so many things.

“She is fine here, Uravity, she is safe and calm, and she's not disturbing anybody else, you're wasting your time trying to talk to her. We have tried since she came here to get any kind of response from her, but she hasn't said a word, I don't think she even can” She grits her teeth as that empty eyed girl holds her legs close almost lifelessly, apathetically, as if her limbs are being pulled by puppet strings.

“But….”

“Miss Uraraka, everyone here at school has tried to help her, from the staff to other students. We've tried to talk to her, we've tried accommodating her, we've tried socializing with her, we've tried . She doesn't want to talk with us, she doesn't want to work with us or do anything else, she doesn't want to move, she doesn't want to do school work and anything she does is completely illegible . All she does is sleep and sit there doing nothing. She doesn't want help, she doesn't want to be near anybody else but Suigin. All she does is sit here and do nothing all day, everyday. She's not going to change because of you Miss Uravity, and she probably never will. It's best to focus on those that need it instead, people that want to be helped” With every word spoken it makes her almost angry, but also something else she doesn't understand. 

What do I do?

She's never met someone like this young girl before……the only things she can think of are Eri and……

“Take my advice Miss, leave her alone before you upset her, nobody needs to get upset or hurt because of her, she'll start hitting and scratching at herself again or she might end up causing others pain with her quirk.” 

Do I just leave?

“She's safe and calm here, and not a danger to anybody else or herself. She's peaceful ” She doesn't know what to do for her, and she can't spend all her time here, she only has so much time to give.

She feels frustrated about what to do.

“But, what about when she gets older?” Her voice wavers as she asks that question. Ochako looks at the older woman who looks almost apathetically at the girl in front of her. That gaze isn't like Aizawa’s, one that hides the care he has underneath. 

It feels cold.

“What happens, happens, unless she talks or asks for help nobody can do anything for her, she needs to take that step herself, you can't help everyone in this world, especially those that don't want to be helped in the first place.” Those apathetic words make her eyes fill with tears and anger towards the woman because all she can think about is how many times she's heard that about Himiko in the past. She can't stop those next words from leaving her lips angrily.

“ Why not!” Ochako bites her tongue until it bleeds because she shouldn't be getting upset at her, especially in a classroom full of kids.

“Because it's a waste of effort for those that could be helped, you can't help everyone in this world—” 

“....whghy...Noght……” All of them go quiet when they both hear that small hushed voice that they could barely hear, filled with something like a sudden rising anger. All of their eyes fall on the small girl whose eyes are different now, ones that begin to fill with something that makes them seem like a more lively color, but still carry an emptiness in them.

It's an almost unnerving shade of red that begins to burn brighter and dimmer at the same time.

“Why not?” Suigin asks the other girl who begins to start to move more and more as each second passes. It looks like she's trying to fight against something even if there's nothing touching her or near her, but then her eyes begin to grow deeply dull again and she almost stops moving altogether. 

But instead of complete silence it only fades into hushed mumbling and small erratic movements, like a crackling ember that's fighting not to go out because there's not enough to fuel it.

After a few seconds of nothing the teacher sighs.

“I think you've done enough Miss Uravity, leave her alone she's fine—”

“Sto…p……stahp…..stai…p!….s-top…, Stop. It!” Those last few words are said in anger as Pearl glares at the older woman who stares skeptically back. 

“Miss Uravity, please take Suigin back to her seat before something...”

“STOP TREATING ME LIKE I'M BROKEN!!!” Pearl's voice is loud and clearly spoken, unlike what the teacher thought it would sound like. Then there's a large crack that appears through the air around the young girl when she shouts those words and the older teacher becomes afraid. She tries to grab Suigin’s arm harshly to get her away from what she thinks is a possible danger. 

“Get away from her Suigin” The woman's voice is desperate and panicked. But the moment her hand touches Suigin that metallic silver limb breaks through that glass and grabs the older woman's arm harshly in its clawed hand, but not hard enough to bruise or hurt her in any way. 

The older woman panics in that moment and uses her other hand to summon her quirk. It's a small green energy-like blade that appears in her hand before she stabs it in that silver arm to try and help her escape. 

Ochako tries to disarm the woman and calm the situation but the moment that blade pierces the metallic skin of that arm something that looks like blood begins to flow out of it and pearl screams in agony as she clutches at her own arm. The teacher looks horrified by what just happened, because of what she just did.

“Ahhhhgh!!”

Panic fills Ochako's eyes the moment she sees blood on that little girl's arm and a small wound in the exact same place as that limb.

Those cracks of glass begin to spread around the young girl and crawl up the wall and floor around them violently and fast. Each one breaks away a part of the surroundings piece by piece with every agonized wail pearl gives because of the pain of being stabbed.

It all looks like everything around them is a broken mirror as something faceless and winged tries to escape.

Ochako tries to break them all up because of what just happened. But Suigin taps that arm and the teacher with her quirk quickly and in just a few seconds they both go back to the state they were in before the teacher reached out to grab Suigin.

Thankfully the wound on pearls arm begins to close at the same time the wound on her quirk does. But that doesn't stop her from sobbing in pain on the floor as she holds her arm.

Unfortunately that doesn't stop the teacher from trying to grab Suigin out of fear again. 

“Get away from her before something happens Suigin, she's—.”

“SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” Pearl yells out in anger as one of her hands scratches across her face painfully, but it doesn't feel like it's entirely them she's talking to. Another limb breaks through those cracks before something tries to tear itself out of those cracks and wrap around Pearl's body. Ochako tries to move forward to take Pearl out of class and away from the other students as fast as she can in case something happens, but the moment she gets close that creature goes to her in an instant and gets in between her and Pearl like an animal protecting something valuable to them, and this time it's bearing its clawed hands, even if they aren't facing her.

More of that creature begins to break through as what looks like an upper body begins to tear itself out with every second that passes.

“Take the other students out of here, please” She asks the older woman to move everyone else out of class in case things become dangerous.

The way the other students just stare at them with only worry is strange, unless they've seen this before. She doesn't like that possibility.

The teacher looks at what is happening in front of her in fear as that inhuman creature wraps itself tighter around Pearl, but when suigin pulls her close it backs off just a bit. Thankfully the teacher quickly begins to usher the other oddly calm kids out of class as quickly as she can instead.

Suigin remains oddly calm as well in this situation and tries to comfort Pearl in her arms as she sobs and clutches at her arm that had a stab wound just moments ago.

“You're okay Pearl it's okay” Suigin is careful about how she touches her, and stops when she does something Pearl doesn't like.

Ochako tries to think of what to do to help her but she can't, not until she realizes something as that creature still tearing itself out of the air tries to wrap itself around Pearl, but avoids going near Suigin at all for some reason.

Its clawed hands are aimed at Pearl as if they are going to tear into her with them, but there's one thing she notices in all the chaos that has happened. 

Pearl's quirk hasn't tried to hurt anybody, the only thing that's been happening is it keeping her and the teacher away from Pearl and Suigin.

“It's okay pearl, I healed you, it's okay, you're okay I promise” Suigin holds pearl close and tries to hide her from that creature with herself. It's then that she realizes that pearls quirk is defending her and Suigin from others, but the way that creatures claws hold themselves just inches away from Pearl's skin tells her it might hurt Pearl instead, but when Suigin pulls her closer it abates a little.

Those angry red marks from pearl scratching at her face tells her it's a real possibility that it will hurt her, but those claws are much more dangerous than her long nails are.

“Suigin, what is her quirk?” She asks softly to keep from aggravating or agitating anybody. Pearl sniffles in pain and cries and hiccups as she leans defeated into Suigin’s embrace. 

“It's……she can make fantasy real, that's the best I can explain it right now Miss” Ochako thinks for a moment as she reaches out her hand again towards pearl and the moment she starts to get close that metallic arm gets in between her and pearl again. Then she tries something and pulls away slowly, and so does it at the same pace and speed she does. 

She moves her hand back and forth a few times and learns that it responds to her proximity to Pearl, and how close she gets. 

The closer she moves to her the more it wraps around her protectively, but when she moves farther away those claws begin to go back to pointing at her like a threat.

She seems to be sensitive to touch from others.

But with every minute that goes by and every pass of her fingers it becomes less so, until she's starting to get closer, but just a little bit.

“Suigin, does her quirk respond to her emotions and feelings?” That small nod and the way Suigin is able to touch Pearl to comfort her confirms her suspicions. 

Pearl doesn't like being touched by someone she doesn't want to. But the way those claws point at herself makes her think that Pearl might have feelings that make her want to be hurt or hurt herself.

She doesn't know the answer to that, but at least as time goes by those claws move further and further away.

She tries to think about what to do now, but she doesn't know what to do.

What do I do here? 

That teacher has probably already called for help, so more people are probably coming. She hopes pearl won't—

But with another pass of her hand she finds that the silver creature has mostly stopped responding to her presence when her hand gets close to pearl.

Huh?

She does it a few more times and with every single one pearls quirk gets less and less defensive of her, until it almost completely stops.

She looks down at the young girl's red rimmed eyes, and how they watch her intently but passively. 

She decides to try something and holds her hand palm up towards Pearl and closer than she's ever gotten before, but still with a significant space between them. She waits for a moment, and then watches as Pearl raises her own hand in response towards her own. 

*Crack*

Her eyes flick to that armored creature above them and the way a crack forms across their featureless face. Something resembling small and tiny wings begins to sprout out of those cracks in the armor as more and more pieces start to come off.

But then something dark begins to flow across those pure white feathers like a rush of blood from a wound and falls onto pearls body and hand.

The sight before her is scary, but she tries not to let the fear consume her and lets the young girl hesitantly touch her hand with her own. 

But the moment it does that inky substance tries to wrap around her hand too. 

Her first instinct is to pull away as it wraps around her hand in an inky mess of color, like if a spiderweb was made of fluid.

But she grits her teeth and bears through it, even as memories of that death parade march in her head when it finally touches her skin. 

But then it retracts back as if noticing how uncomfortable she is.

She watches as pearl tries to curl back into herself again, as that breaking silver creature filled with feathery wings tries to wrap even more around her. 

Ochako bites her tongue and looks down at a few of those drops of ink, ones that bring up too many memories of that battle for her to be comfortable with.

But still she reaches down and touches one of those drops and even though it wraps around her fingers like a twisting liquid vine she does her best not to panic as it flows over her fingers.

But she notices something odd about it. 

It's soft, and warm like living blood, it's not painful at all. That makes her heart calm just a bit.

She raises her finger up to look at this substance closely, but the moment she does it coagulates on her finger, and then…..

Bubbles up and opens up a strange looking eye that stares at her as if this isn't one of the strangest things she's ever seen.

“…....” with every blink it blinks back. Then it waves at her with a tiny blobby hand made out of ink, like a slime character from a video game.

Okay then.

Ochako doesn't know how to feel about that. But when she looks down at Pearl who is starting to drift off to sleep she decides it's not a bad thing.

Ochako decides to smile at the young girl with a quirk that probably scares others. 

But at least for now she's peaceful, though thoughts of her earlier conversation with the teacher fills her head.

She decides to take a risk and reaches out towards Pearl with her fingers covered in that strange colored ink. Ochako holds her hand out just close from touching her as she waits for any possible answer from pearl. 

When she doesn't get any she starts to pull back, until Suigin pulls her hand back and places it on Pearl's head. 

That inky substance clinging to pearls body warbles and stirs rapidly, for a moment she's afraid Suigin did something pearl didn't want and tries to pull away. 

But that substance on her body wraps back around her hand and pulls her back, and holds her tight.

It takes her a moment to process it but when she does, Ochako gives a light stroke to her hair, and the small warble that affects that bloody ink makes her feel like she might have done something wrong. 

But then it calms.

(Sniffle)

Her eyes turn to Suigin and it's then she realizes Suigin has been crying and shaking in fear this entire time. 

“Suigin” She reaches out her other hand to comfort her, but Suigin shakes her head and she backs off. 

“Don't, please, just.....leave me alone,” Suigin looks away as if ashamed about something, and her next words give the reason why.

“I…..I haven't talked to her since I told her I didn't like her that way. That was….. That was years ago…..” Suigin lets out a sigh and looks down at the girl laying in her lap. 

“I…. Just can't see her that way……I'm sorry”

She wants to comfort Suigin but the sound of footsteps behind her signals the teacher is back. 

She turns to look at her and sees her look defeated and sorrowful at the young girl sleeping now, and the scene around them that begins to fade with every second that passes. 

“I didn't……I didn't know it…. That could hurt her….. I'm....... I'm sorry, I didn't….I didn't mean to……” The look of regret in her eyes tells Ochako she didn't mean to hurt Pearl and feels guilty about it. 

It's then at that moment Ochako realizes her own hands are shaking and her heart has been pounding loudly this entire time. 

She does her best to calm down and lets out a sigh then bites her cheek.

I hope I helped in some way. I'm not sure I did or just made everything worse.

She wishes she knew what to do if this happened again.

I need to get better at this, all of this.

Her eyes look at the two friends and she wonders what's going to happen to them from now on. 

I need to talk to fuyumi. I need her help.

I need to get better at this.

When that creature finally fades away she decides to carry Pearl to the infirmary to sleep and have her checked for any other injuries, and if her arm is okay.

But as she holds the smaller girl in her arms her eyes glance down to one of the name tags on the desks at the back of the class. 

Then her eyes go wide when she reads the name on the desk.

Himeko.

She stares at the empty desk devoid of anything at all and covered in dust.

“I thought your class only had 25 students, I don't remember meeting a Himeko” as she's about to exit the class the teacher tells her something that makes her freeze. 

“She's in your arms, miss Uravity, Suigin said her uncle used to call her pearl when she was little.” The teacher tells her like that information is the easiest thing in the world to accept, when it's not, not for her. Her hands glow right pink for a moment before she bites her tongue. 

“Miss, are you okay?”

“I'm fine just…. Thinking of someone I used to know, that's all” 

The girl in her arms now feels a hundred tons heavier than before.

“Hello my name is Ame Tsukihime, I'll be the one to provide your counseling for today.” The fairly young and dark haired woman gives her a smile, one that makes her feel uncomfortable because she can't tell if it's genuine or not.

“You must be Miss Hamon. Correct?” She gives a small nod.

“Okay,  so I'll be going over the information given by your last counselor to see if it's correct and making notes of any changes that are needed, some of these questions might make you uncomfortable and I apologize for that, we can skip those questions for now if you want“ the long haired woman with pale skin waits for the answer from the young girl in front of her.

“T-thats okay, miss” A girl with short plum hair responds.

“Okay then let's start off with something easy then. You are the daughter of Ruri Hamon and Jaspis Teufel. You have two other siblings, both older sisters.”

“1 sister, miss, I have a brother now” The young girl who is no older than 18 corrects the older woman. The woman named Ame scrutinizes the document again and frowns before grabbing a pen. 

A sudden anxiety fills the plum haired girls' eyes, ones that resemble freshly spilled blood.

“Let's just correct that information real quick, I swear some people do this on purpose” Ame says those words in a light-hearted way, they are kind and comforting. The young girl relaxes as those negative thoughts in her head fade away because of the other girl's kindness. 

“What else is there, hmmm, ah you have a girlfriend you live with now who is older than you, and her mother is a former hero from the UK who moved to Japan?” 

“Yes, she's just a year and a half older, her mother moved here with her older brother before having her” Ame frowns for a moment and it makes Pearl want to bite her tongue. 

“Ah, he's her half brother, that's why they both have different last names.” The woman scribbles down a small note before continuing again. “So you two have been dating for about two years now is that right?” The small girl nods and nervously picks at her skirt as those thoughts in her head try to make her feel like she's being picked at.

“Yes, we met when she moved to the city where I used to live, she…..wasn't in the best place at the time, but she's better now” A small smile graces her lips even as the older woman writes down another note.

It's fine, everything's fine.

“Hmm, I looked at her record and she suffers from severe depression, a quirk that can amplify her negative emotions and some has sensory issues as well, she can have a hard time feeling things like her own emotions and when she's in pain or hurt sometimes, right?” The young girl nods as she recalls that last problem vividly.

“She's been doing a lot better lately, I think having me in her life and the counseling helped her a lot, she was even a teacher's assistant for a year until she graduated, though now she's not sure if she should go to college or not” there's another shaky scribble of the pen, and she can feel thoughts trying to come forward again.

“That's really sweet, for the both of you, I hope she continues to do well” Those words ease her anxiety and make her less scared of the older woman.

She's nice.

“I hope so too” 

“Now then about why you are here, can I call you Pearl? It says that's what your friends call you” She wants to give a shrug of her shoulders but instead she nods.

“Okay, pearl” there's another scribble of her pen before the counselor looks into her eyes. 

Ones that she has been told frighten people.

“You've been undergoing quirk counseling and therapy for a while now, around 4 years now, correct?”

“Ye-, hmm” The smaller girl averts her eyes and can feel her words becoming choked up in her throat again, but she nods. 

“Have you been able to talk more often lately with friends and others outside of your girlfriend and family? Your file says you tend to shut down altogether when stressed often" that urge to become quiet and accept that urge to close her mouth and stop caring is there, but it's not as strong as it used to be, it's a far cry from what it was before. 

“Y-yes, I can talk a little bit with strangers now, if someone I know is there with me, but I still can't talk by myself most times” Her voice trails off into a small quiet tone. The counsellor nods and scribbles another note.

“You also used to have severe psychosis and would talk to yourself and also felt like something was talking to you and also not at the same time, you told others counselors in the past that sometimes your quirk manifests things during intense periods of it, like a silver one?” She wants to shy away from the counselor, but Pearl does her best to push through these questions.

“Yes that's …..that's right” She nods. 

She hates when that happens, because it makes it harder to tell what is actually real and just her quirk.

“Hmmm” that small, almost inconspicuous noise makes her feel anxious again. It makes her want to dig her nails into her legs, and the councilor notices the way she holds back. 

“You also had a long-time habit of self-harm until recently" A sudden anxiety comes over her, but thankfully the counselor notices and diverts the topic.

“Sorry, Let's avoid that topic for now, and find something else to focus on” Pearl lets out a sigh as she tries to keep herself calm. 

“Hmmm, are you comfortable talking about you and your family's life while living with your father?” She shakes her head no.

“What about your struggles with necrophobia?” another shake of her head. 

“Okay then, so we'll stick to the lighter stuff and we'll leave those topics for the specialists” Pearl breathes a sigh for a moment as the older woman goes through her file and the papers on her desk, but then she stiffens when the older woman reads that part of her file.

“Ah, I'm sorry but we need to talk about the next subject because it's intricately linked with your quirk, one that you still have trouble with” her heart begins to pound in her ears and she holds herself for comfort. 

“You had an uncle, a half brother to your mother that was a heteromorph, you and your uncle both worked at a shrine when you were young, and he was someone you loved dearly……” Her heart picks up rapidly with every word the woman says. It feels like it's going to implode with those next words. “……before he died 10 years ago because—” There's a small strangled and pained sound pearl makes and the counselor freezes in place. 

“Sorry if that part makes you uncomfortable, we'll stick to just talking about your quirk then, and I'll mention them as little as possible” When she hears those words she relaxes a bit. 

I can get through this.  

“Okay, so about your quirk—”

“Soooooo, how did your counseling session go?” A young blonde girl with long hair and a small almost shit eating grin asks like it's the newest gossip.

“It was fine, Akari” The plum haired girl takes another sip of her drink as she cradles it in her hands covered by the sleeves of her hoodie that's a size too big.

“Oh, that's good, were you able to talk to them, like, y’know, the last one? You really liked working with them” The blonde girl's green eyes glance around the cafe they are at for a moment before falling back on the girl in front of her, one two years younger and much shorter than her.

“Hmm” pearl gives a small hum as she takes another sip of her drink before chewing on the small balls of boba. They don't bother her like they used to, even if she still gets thoughts about eating fish eggs sometimes. But at least it's just a passing thought now.

“That's good to hear,” her best friend takes another sip of her drink before looking down at her phone again. “So how is living with Laura? You guys moved in on your birthday a few months ago,”

“It's fine, it's similar to how you and Suigin live together” The girl who is dating her old friend smiles to herself happily.

“Oh? You guys fucking like rabbits too?” Pearl glares menacingly at her friend for a moment because of that joke only the both of them would get before scoffing.

“That's only for Laura to know” Akari smiles at her softly for a moment, then looks down at the item around her neck before continuing.

“Speaking of her, I heard from Suigin that you and her were planning on going on a date after this little meet up we’re having~" Pearl blushes and looks away to avoid her friend's gaze and smug smile. 

“Yeah, she wanted to go to that new bookstore that opened up” Akari giggles down at her phone as she reads the new text she got from Suigin. It makes her happy to see Akari smile like that, especially about her old friend.

“Hmm, so you guys are hitting the books again." That knowing smile makes her gag on her drink for a moment before covering her mouth as she coughs.

“Akari!” The blonde girl gives her a small and soft smile before reaching out to try and rub her back to comfort her, but she hesitates for a moment. 

“Sorry for making you choke Pearl, Is it fine if I touch you? You usually only let Laura or Suigin do it” The small nod from pearl tells the other girl that yes, she can. Her friend gives her a small comforting rub on the back before pulling away.

“Thank you, Akari,” Akari giggles before going back to looking at her phone, but not before looking at her phone and the small charm hanging off of it.

It's of a well known hero, Uravity.

“When did you get that? I thought you and Laura didn't really like hero worship stuff since y'know, your father was obsessed with that one asshole hero when you were little and Laura was……y’know” A blush forms on Pearl’s soft features, even if that last part stings harshly.

“Laura got me it for Christmas” Akari gives her a raised eyebrow, then a small knowing giggle about how they obviously spent that day together.

“It's really cute, though I haven't heard you talk about liking them that much” Pearl sips on her drink nervously before looking away as she thinks back to that day. One that's getting hard to remember some details about now after all these years, but the feelings she had that day are still strong.

“You remember when I said she visited me and Suigin's school when we were younger?” Akari taps her lip as she thinks before nodding.

“I heard you mention that before, though I don't remember you saying anything else about—, Wait! Did you actually get to meet her?! The Uravity!?” Her friend looks like she's about to reach over and beg her to give out that information, but refrains because of how hesitant she is to be touched.

“Y-yes, I did Akari, She was…… nice to me” A melancholic look fills her eyes. Akari grins widely at her as she sits back in her seat as a giddy energy fills her.

“Wow you got to meet one of the most popular heroes ever, I've listened to Suigin go on and on about that one music loving hero she is friends with ever since we got together, wait, did you say she was actually nice?” Her eyes that would normally scare anybody else look away for a moment before she nods.

“Yes, she was, I wasn't expecting her to be so…. Kind to me and my classmates when she came ” A forlorn look fills her eyes as she looks out at the people passing by the window to this small cafe. “It felt strange to meet someone that was kind like her” Pearl takes a deep sip of her drink before chewing on the small orbs in her mouth until they each pop one by one. 

“But I could also tell she was sad inside, even when she smiled so brightly for everybody around her, she still carried a melancholy with her” She takes another drink from her plastic cup until it's finally empty. But then her friend gives her a scrutinizing look before laughing a little.

“Is that why you cut your hair like that? I thought you were just a fan of Ramona flowers” Akari gives her a smirk.

“Like what?” She feels a bit self-conscious about her hair now, and the way she had it styled but the jingle from the door draws both their attention towards the newcomer.

Pearl smiles at the girl with long and wild golden-brown hair, tied up into a ponytail that reaches her lower back, who just entered and is looking around the cafe for them. She's just about to call out to the fox tailed girl but it's Akari that does it first.

“Laura! We're over here!” Those lively chocolate-colored eyes look towards their direction and Pearl sees her girlfriend smile at them before walking over. 

“Hello Laura do you want a drink—” But the moment the taller girl reaches them Pearl is pulled into a warm and needy hug. In that moment a flash of pure white begins to creep up the fox girl's hair at the tips and roots. A glaring sign that something is wrong.

Her hands hesitate for a second to reciprocate the sudden hug but she does and embraces her girlfriend like she always does.

“Laura? You okay? Your hair…..” Pearl speaks in a hushed and quiet voice only her lover and herself can hear. 

Laura shakes her head before burying herself deeper into her neck. 

“No, today was a long day Pearl” Laura speaks in a monotone voice, lacking almost any emotion and feeling, another sign that something happened to her girlfriend since this morning. Pearl comforts the other girl as they stay like that for a while. 

“We can go home if you want Laura? Would that be okay?” Her girlfriend shakes her head before pulling away. 

“I'm fine Pearl, just…..I want to relax after today” Akari takes that as her cue to leave and waves bye to them both before exiting past the front counter, and the sharp toothed girl behind it.

Pearl takes a deep breath and rests against her beloved.

“Okay, Laura we'll take today easy, I promise” Laura pulls away and smiles at her with both melancholy and joy, and her lover's hair reflects it as parts of those long strands turn bright yellow to reflect Laura's joy and others a deep blue for her melancholy.

Her hair is like a paint brush that becomes dipped in the colors of her emotions, it's beautiful.

She leans forward and presses a kiss to her girlfriend's forehead, then uses her thumb to rub along her soft jaw, and the large scar that cuts abruptly downward through the side of it from the bottom of her left cheek.

“Thank you pearl” Laura does the same, and the feeling of the piece of metal on her girlfriend's finger makes her happy, just like the one around her neck and what it will soon mean 

“I'm tired” Ochako looks down at her lover and the way Himiko's eyes droop as she struggles to stay awake. 

Ochako pulls her closer and down into her lap so she can rest comfortably. 

“Here Himiko” Her girlfriend hums in content because of what she did as Ochako pulls the blanket they are sharing over themselves. That makes Himiko giggle happily and it soothes this ache she's had for the last ten years.

“Thank you chako” Himiko closes her eyes and begins to let sleep take her. A part of her feels anxious to see Himiko close her eyes because of the last time she saw her ten years ago. 

It's fine, she's here, she's safe, with me. Everything's fine.

She hopes it stays that way.

When she is sure Himiko is asleep her eyes turn back to the movie they were watching. 

A story about a demon girl learning love and friendship from others close to her. 

It's actually very good.

I've heard some of the younger people I work with talk about this movie, but I haven't had time to look at it, but maybe now that will change. 

There's a small sting in her heart when she thinks of that thought, one that tells her she's being selfish by doing that. That she can do more for people that need it, she could be— 

“Mhhph” But the soft sound Himiko makes pulls her mind away from those thoughts. A part of her wants to fall asleep with Himiko, but she has too much energy right now to do that. 

I think I need a distraction . 

Maybe she should start exercising again, she hasn't done that since her break up with Izuku. Maybe she can make Himiko blush if she works up a sweat.

A part of her thinks back to those cheesy manga some of her classmates would read and lend to her back at UA. She used to read some of the shounen manga the boys and Mina liked to read and often found herself reading many of the shojo manga Momo liked to read often. She does remember trying to read some of Aizawa’s manga and even some of the Doujinshi Tokoyami bought online.

She chuckles at the memory of how disappointed Kaminari was when he asked to borrow some from Tokoyami and found out they weren't erotic ones, and just fan works for Tokoyami and Dark shadows favorite shows.

I think I still have some of those manga I never gave back. But she doesn't remember who they belonged to. 

Was it Ojiro? Tokoyami? Toru? Wait, I think it was Toru . I need to ask her about it later. I hope she isn't too upset at me and keeping them so long

Ochako sighs because there's a lot of stuff she has to do soon, but all she wants to do is spend that time with Himiko.

She feels like a child that doesn't want to get up for school.

*Ping!*

Ochako looks away from the colorful action happening on the TV and pulls out her phone to see the message she got. 

I think I'm just going to send a message to everyone to not bother me today. She can't exactly miye her phone because there might be an emergency later. 

But the message she got makes her frown.

Scylla: We need to talk Ochako.

She frowns at the message and wants to tell Tsu now isn't the best time.

Space girl: Now isn't a good time Tsu, I just want to relax today.

Scylla: I'm not taking no for an answer on this Ochako. Me and Shoto will be at your place soon to see you and your girlfriend.

She frowns at Tsu’s message and begins to ask her to please go home, she doesn't want to stress Himiko out. But Tsu’s next message makes her think twice about doing that. 

Scylla: I need to see her, I need to know it's really Himiko. Please. I need to see her with my own eyes.

Ochako lets out a sigh and responds because she understands where Tsu is coming from.

She still feels guilty about that day.

Space girl: okay, as long as nobody tries to hurt her or start a fight you guys can talk with me, but please don't push her.

There is a long time where she doesn't get anything back, but then gets one final message. 

Scylla: That's the last thing I want for her. I promise.

Ochako smiles at her friend's message as she runs a hand through Himiko's hair while she sleeps peacefully on her lap.

But then she looks at the other notification she got, one for hero work about a fight not that far away from here.

Should I help them? Himiko's asleep, but what if she wakes up while I'm gone?

She closes her eyes and thinks about what she wants to do.

I think I'll—

They pass by a couple, one with short purple hair clinging to a fox heteromorph as rain pelts at the umbrella hanging over his head.

“Why are you following me?” His eyes flick to the smaller girl holding up an umbrella for the both of them, something he never asked for her to do. The girl he doesn't understand anything about.

“Your vexing choices plagues a saccharine sweet existence due to careless judgement when a lupine’s commitment with one bearing reddened plumage is at hand" He frowns at her words that don't make any sense to him, he can only make out the meaning of some of the words but it feels like a jumbled mess. 

 It's something about a Wolf and a bird.

“You don't like me and want me to stay away from Ochako, you've made that very clear when you followed me to her apartment Mircalla” He wants to just go home, he's tired. Maybe tomorrow he can talk to Ochako.

I should bring her a gift, but what should I give her? He probably should give her something that wouldn't make her new girlfriend upset. He thinks back to that blonde girl, and how much she reminds him of Himiko. 

They're very similar from what he remembers, but he didn't meet her that often.

Maybe that's why they got together, though it does feel odd and very sketchy if that's true. 

She does like blonde girls though from what he's seen when they were dating. 

“How long until we can ditch him?” He rolls his eyes at that small vial on Mircalla’s waist, one that's also been mean to him. 

What did I do?

“What is your quirk anyways Mircalla? I haven't seen anything like it before, I mean I have seen quirks that create a separate entity and ones that can manipulate blood like Sekijiro, the only thing I can really think of is that girl Ochako mentioned before that can make stuff with ink, but I didn't ask her about much of the details, maybe I should have so I could understand your quirk better. Is it a summoning quirk or a hemokinesis one or something else entirely because the entities you create are seemingly alive and have their own consciousness, but they come from your blood so maybe it's something special about your blood, or maybe it's the ability to create a consciousness in something and you just choose blood to do that with, but then—” 

“Creepy” Both of the two next to him say at the same time because of his rambling and scoot away from him, but keep the umbrella over him. 

He breaks out of his thoughts and lets out a sigh as they walk in silence for a bit.

“Is Mircalla even your real name?” He says that off-handedly not expecting much, but Mircalla completely stops in place. 

He tries to keep going but the scent of blood and hand on the back of his collar tells him otherwise. 

“What is it Mircalla you don't have to use your quirk on—”

“Malevolent shadows mix and entwine, before they create the plumage of sparrow and finch together, the sparrow eternally caged and plucked from its colorful feathers since youth, while the finch burns under a heated gaze of the dark encompassing both.” He looks at Mircalla and her summon standing perfectly still in the rain while she holds the umbrella above him instead. 

“Mircalla you're going to catch a cold if you—”

“Upon one morrow the sparrow plucks its own feathers and swallows down the river of red that falls from its own bloodied plumage, again and again the sparrow swallows until one morning when the latch on its cage finally cracks open and they do not hesitate to fly away with their damaged and bloodied wings.”

“Mircalla you really should—”

“But the finch remained, tucked away under cloth and key, forgotten now without a symbol of ire for its keepers to compare it to, and for every beat of that sparrow’s wings the finch bashes and beats at its forced home with its own body, begging, crying for someone to remove that cloth covering itself”

Izuku remains quiet as he listens to her even if she's becoming drenched in rain.

“For the finch was eventually forgotten until with its wing in beak it pulled its own limb free and out poured that same river of red as the sparrows” He doesn't like where this story is going.

“For the price of a wing it can finally fit through its cage, even if it begins to fall to its own demise moments later” he looks at her eyes that look empty of any emotion then at her bandaged arm. 

“Mircalla” He doesn't know what to say as he thinks on her words. “Are you the finch in that story?” Her gaze flicks away from him emptily as she takes back her umbrella and begins to walk away and leave him drenched. 

“Where the forgotten finch has gone with its broken wing, only they would know, and the flower they landed on” As the rain patters against his hair he sighs before trying to go the other way. He holds his case close to his chest to try and keep it from getting wet. 

But then they both hear an inhuman roar from down the street, one that neither can ignore as they rush towards it.

Chapter Text

*Click!*

“Hmm, Where are you going?” Her words are soft and groggy but tinged with sadness as she stares at her girlfriend. 

Ochako Uraraka.

“Sorry Himiko” Ochako gives her an apologetic look before closing the door. “I was going out to help out with something nearby” Ochako undoes her head pieces as she gets closer to her. “I felt like I had too much energy and wanted to do something to tire me out, I didn't mean to wake you up”

Himiko's eyes look over Ochako and the way her suit hugs her in all the right places yet still gives her plenty of mobility. It makes her feel horny to see Ochako look so strong and dependable like this. 

But then she watches as Ochako begins to try and get undressed and that makes her face burn. 

“Then why are you getting undressed?” The other girl stops just as she was about to take off her gauntlet and looks at her curiously. It takes Himiko a moment to realize it then she lets out a sigh.

“Ochako I'm not going to break down again if you want to go out somewhere by yourself. I'm fine, I promise” Ochako looks her over with a worried look, she's probably earned that after last night.

“You sure Himiko?”

“Ochako, I'm fine now, I feel a lot better, plus I've lived away from you for the last 10 years, I can handle you being gone for a little while” Her eyes go to the way Ochako still holds on to her gauntlet hesitantly because of that reminder of how long they've been separated.

Then her girlfriend relaxes.

“Okay, Himiko” Ochako gives her a smile before putting back on her head piece. It's a smile that tells her Ochako trusts her words and believes she will be okay. 

“I won't be gone long, promise, and if you do need anything….” Ochako looks around for a piece of paper before grabbing one from the coffee table and writes something down before giving it to Himiko. 

“Here's how to contact me” Ochako gives her a mirth filled smile when she takes the paper from her. 

She looks down at the paper and smiles at the words and numbers written there. 

Call me ❤️ 😘 XXX-XXXX-XXXX 

(Hero contact information)

Ps. You're really cute ᡣ𐭩

Her face burns and she can't help but snort and giggle like a school girl. 

“Maybe I will cutie~” She gives a teasing smile to her girlfriend and beckons her to come and give her a kiss. 

Their lips meet in a brief and heated kiss before they separate. 

“Hmm, oh, I forgot Tsu is supposed to come over later” A brief melancholy fills her eyes for a moment as she thinks of Tsu, the girl that helped save her. 

But that melancholy turns into a smile. 

“I can make it back before they come or I can stay here in case they come early.” Himiko shakes her head and gives her a kiss on the cheek. 

“No, I actually wanted to talk to Tsu about something important” A look of recognition passes through Ochako's eyes and it makes her smile so happily because she understands without another word. 

“I'll do everything I can to be back before then, I promise” She smiles and presses another kiss forward before giving Ochako's lips a needy lick. 

Ochako moans then whines when she pulls away. The lust burning in those cute brown eyes makes her feel horny.

But she decides to be a tease and leans so close before whispering.

“We can finish this when you get back Ochako chan~”

That seems to drive Ochako mad enough to almost stay and say screw it.

“You're such a tease Himiko” Ochako laughs happily.

“Well I'm your tease~” A glimmer of something hopeful fills those beautiful brown eyes and Ochako beams happily when she finally pulls away. 

“I'll be back as soon as I can, Himiko. I promise” Ochako waves at her as the door closes behind her. 

She giggles to herself and can't contain her excitement, she needs to do something to keep her busy until Ochako returns and Tsu comes. 

She scans across the room for something and finds some pieces of paper and some pens. She rushes over to grab them and sits comfortably at the coffee table.

Then she begins to draw, and draw, just like she's been doing recently for the last few years…….

…….. And she draws with all her heart because of the girl she loves.

But her eyes keep flicking to the bag sitting by the couch. The one from her.

The last person she wants to see.

Ochako's heart hammers in her chest as she rushes to leave. 

I almost proposed to her. Ochako's heart hammers as memories of yesterday morning of Himiko asking her to marry her plays in her head. 

Her face burns because she almost did the same thing just now.

As she leaps across a building to another one a few blocks away with ease she giggles and a look of determination fills her eyes. 

All she wants to do is go back to Himiko now, and as she gets closer to her destination it grows brighter.

But when she finally arrives at her destination the battle happening in the alley in front of her makes her feel confused. 

“What the hell is going on here?”

December 27th: Afternoon

Izuku

He unlocks the door and sighs before going inside. 

The green haired boy rubs at his tired eyes because everything that just happened was exhausting and he just wants to go to bed. It's only the afternoon but he's just exhausted after what happened earlier. He doesn't want to think about it.

He doesn't want to think about anything but going to bed. 

But as he walks by the kitchen he sees something left on the table from the corner of his eyes. He walks over to it and finds it's a small locked book with a letter on top. The familiar signature from all might on the letter makes him take it and read its contents. 

Izuku, sorry I let myself in because I wasn't able to ask you this in person but I have a favor to ask of you and don't worry about if you can't do it. This isn't the first time people have tried to track her down but can't find her.

 The other teachers heard you had a run in with the hero girl named Mircalla Nachzehrer Finch. One of the teachers from ketsubutsu said this belonged to her when they sent it to Sekijiro. I think it was miss joke? I have to ask again. But if you see Mircalla again please give her this. I heard from Sekijiro that she spent weeks looking for this at ketsubutsu before she left. They apparently found it in the rafters of the gymnasium and I think Sekijiro said it was probably some of her bullies that put it there. 

Ps. Try to be kind to 'Mircalla.'

He looks down at the book in front of him and rolls his eyes at the book that belongs to the girl that despises him. But as he looks at the old book covered in art of birds his eyes become drawn to the lock on the front.

Then he reaches into his pocket to see if it's still there. He pulls out the key dark shadow found earlier and looks at it then at the lock on this book.

Both of them are beat up and damaged.

He places the key into the lock and then hears the lock unclick and snap open in front of him. 

“Hmmm?” He thinks back to earlier and where dark shadow found this key. 

“Oh, this is Mircalla’s key” he picks up the book to try and close it again but then something falls out from between the pages. 

It's a picture, he looks down at it and chokes on air when he sees someone that looks very similar to Himiko in the old beat up polaroid, next to a girl that looks similar to Mircalla.

“Huh?” Izuku is curious what this book is and opens it to see why there's a picture of a long haired Himiko? and Mircalla inside.

He flips the pages, all full and filled to the brim in writing so not a single page is empty and starts from the beginning.

December 26th Entry 1 : Um….. Hello?......

Dear diary today…….

That sounds cringey…….

What do people write about in these things?

I guess I can just scribble down my thoughts here or just ramble on about what happened today……

Okay, so. Himiko bought me this journal/diary? covered in my favorite bird for Christmas, our parents tried to take credit for it though, even if Himiko's the only one I've ever told what my favorite bird is. 

I don't have much use for this though and I'm not confident my parents won't find out about what I write in this and read it. But maybe having a lock on here would be nice to have for something like this. 

Maybe it will keep them out, even if it's just a little bit.

I put the key on one of my necklaces so I don't lose it and nobody but me can unlock this, hopefully. 

I wouldn't put it past my parents to break the lock.

I'm curious why my older sister bought me this in the first place. She usually just avoids me and doesn't try to engage with anything I do. 

Most of the time, she does do small things for me occasionally. Like leave me sweets and stuff in my room, or leave papers with the answer to some of my homework questions in my work when I'm not looking. She's gotten good at mimicking my handwriting so I don't suspect she's the one leaving them, but she forgets to not dot her I’s with little hearts everytime I find them.

There's lots of other little things Himiko does that she doesn't think I notice.

She's kind and thoughtful, but that's only when she doesn't avoid me, or when our parents aren't around.

Otherwise she doesn't talk to me at all, and it's gotten to the point she doesn't even shrug or wave when I see her, I haven't spoken to her in months, even in passing.

I……

I wish we could just talk, but we can't.

I want to tell her I appreciate everything she does but…….

It makes me feel……

Sorry, I should stop before I get into trouble.

He rereads that passage over and over again and the realization that this is the diary of someone related to Himiko finally hits him. 

“This is……, but then wouldn't that mean that Mircalla is……”

He can't stop from reading the next entries in the book, and soon he gets so lost in the pages that it's far too late when he realizes he shouldn't be reading this.

But he's already read the whole thing by then.

January 4th Entry 5: they caught Himiko doing that again to herself, at least they didn't hurt her. 

It always makes me feel uneasy every time I hear about what my sister does to herself. I don't understand why she does it. 

I wish she would stop…

They locked up all the knives again, but I know Himiko has other stuff hidden around in other places.

I found a boxcutter with tape on it in her closet once. I know where it was hidden but I didn't tell our parents about it.

It's in my room now, and I don't want to touch it. Even if the blade is brand new. 

I don't know why I'm keeping it though, I'm unsure if I should give it back to Himiko or not, or maybe just throw it away.

I'm not going to tell our parents about it or any of the other stuff, last time I did I thought they would have helped her not……

Nevermind.

Ps. I think I regret what I wrote earlier about wishing she would stop. This issue is a lot more complex than simply wishing it would stop, but I'm not sure what to do. 

I….

Nevermind.

February 1st, Entry 14: It's a month and two days till my birthday. I was born on the same day as Hinamatsuri, though we don't have any dolls besides the ones I make out of paper in my spare time. 

Hinamatsuri, another thing to remind me I'm just a doll to them……..

I've learned how to make bigger and more complex ones and some that I use as bookmarks. I even made one of me and my sister.

Though I haven't shown anybody them, not even Himiko, or my new best friend. 

She's really cute, I think I like her.

……..

Actually…….

That's not what I really wanted to write today. 

I feel like shit because of what happened.

I……. Caused something horrible to happen to my sister. 

Some boy at school gave me a pack of cigarettes at school a few weeks ago to try and flirt with me.

 I didn't like him. 

I don't like boys in general.

I tried one and it tasted terrible, but after a few puffs I got used to it and it gave me some relief I really needed, so I've been smoking when nobody was around to help relieve my stress. 

I could just be doing something romantic instead, but I don't want to be with any of the boys……

I wouldn't mind if i was with asuka though, she's lovely

Anyways.

The only person that has caught me was Himiko and she hasn't said anything. 

I was thankful for it..…until today.

I was really stressed from school and my parents lately and I stupidly thought I could smoke in the living room because nobody was home, but I didn't hear Himiko come home, or them . 

Our parents caught me smoking in the living room and unfortunately Himiko was right there for them to take their anger out on.

She could have just admitted she saw me smoking before and saved herself, but she kept my secret even after she got hurt because of me…….

I……

I'm sorry, Himiko.

I wish I could do something to make them stop, but……

I can't, I'm too weak and young to do anything.

I'm too much of a coward

I'm sorry, I'm so scared of them.

March 3rd Entry 24: Himiko gave me a cute card for my birthday, though not without our parents tearing it in half first and throwing it in the trash when Himiko wasn't looking. 

I guess digging it out of the trash doesn't count as being given it.

I'm glad I noticed it when I took out the trash. 

I took the pieces and taped it back together as best I could, though the cute picture of this finch on the front is ruined now. It's my favorite bird, just like Himiko's favorite is a sparrow. 

It's an almost generic card otherwise, but Himiko made some cute drawings in it for me. 

She drew a cute sparrow with a little fledgling next to it on the inside with a short message to me. I know it's supposed to be us, but there's no words besides happy birthday written inside. 

Maybe there's something written in invisible ink that I need a blacklight for

If only.

I want to tell my big sister thank you, but……

Things aren't very good between us. 

They've never been good, unfortunately.

I wish they'd let me buy something for her birthday, or any other holiday, or just any day in general. But……

I'm sorry, Himiko.

I wish I could get you a present.

I'm thankful you've been really kind to me lately.

If only I could be the same.

April 24th Entry 40: Another day they ignore Himiko. Most days they do that and act like Himiko doesn't exist. They don't acknowledge her or care what she does.

Though that doesn't stop Himiko from trying to get their attention, even if she does it unconsciously.

But I wish she would stop, because anything like a perfect set of grades or getting the highest score in class doesn't matter to them. It's always not enough, and they are passive aggressive about everything to do with Himiko.

She gets a perfect grade. They want it to be for a whole week, then it's a month, and it keeps going no matter what Himiko does. It's not enough for them. 

I hate it. She's supposed to be my sister but they act like she's a plague. I wish they would just treat her normally. 

She should just stop trying to please them, and me.

I know her quirk is scary and she drinks blood but—

I…….

I should stop before I get in trouble when they find this. 

May 17th Entry 43: I got a terrible grade in one of my classes today. It was an 89 and the way our father just snapped at me for it and compared me to Himiko before acting like he didn't just scold me hurts. He's just as bad as Mom, constantly poking and prodding at everything Himiko does, so she can find something to complain about, whenever she tries to do something good. They're always waiting for the littlest mistake to reprimand and scold my sister. 

They do the same thing with me too.

I hate this house because I'm always living in the shadow of what they wanted Himiko to be, and I can never match up to it, neither of us can. It's like they want me to be who she was supposed to be in their minds, a perfect girl who does everything right.

They see me as nothing but a replacement for her and I hate it, I'm not the daughter you want me to be and I hate-

Aghhhhhhh!!!

I wish Himiko would just stay away from them so she doesn't get hurt more. She doesn't deserve this, neither of us deserve this.

I-

The rest of the page is filled with scribbles and crossed out words until the bottom of the page.

Maybe It would be better if we ran away together. 

Maybe….

June 27th Entry 50 : My quirk is still too weak, even after all these years of trying to strengthen it. I can barely even make a puddle of water ripple with it! 

I hate it. I hate how weak I am, and I'm not even as tall as Himiko was when she was my age. 

Why am I so much smaller and weaker than her?

At least Himiko has an actual quirk, and she doesn't have our parents eyes constantly on her, every single moment of every day. 

I can't make a single mistake, if I do they might treat me like Himiko too. 

I don't want to be hurt, yelled at or forced to go to those awful councillors.

I'm scared of that happening. 

That's why I ended up smoking in secret in the first place. But now I stopped because I can't even look at a cigarette without thinking of the pain I caused Himiko.

I wish we didn't have to live here. 

I wish we could be free.

July 1st Entry 59 : our mother has stopped feeding Himiko food at breakfast and dinner, and I'm pretty sure she would stop at lunch too if she could get away with it. 

I hate her. Our mother, not Himiko.

Never Himiko.

Every time I try to eat now it makes me feel sick and not want to eat because all I can think of is Himiko and how hungry she must be.

I think I'm going to be sick again if I try to eat anything, at least the food I don't eat and leave in the fridge is being eaten by Himiko.

I'm not sure how long I can get away with doing that but……

I might go hungry for a while…..

July 2nd Entry 63: A girl kissed me today. It was my best friend, her name is Asuka. 

I told her I liked her, she said she likes me too. 

Romantically.

I…….

I liked it when she kissed me. 

I'm not supposed to like it, or her like that, because I'm supposed to marry a man like my parents want me to, but I do like her.

I love her. 

But my parents won't be accepting of my feelings when they find out.

I probably shouldn't have gone back for more kisses from her.

Maybe making out with her after school at her place was a mistake.

But I loved every moment of it and can't wait to see her again.

July 30th Entry 74: They caught me sneaking asuka into my room last night and….

They didn't care about me trying to spend the night with a girl. 

No. 

They accepted me and that I like girls.  

I hate them! Where is that acceptance for Himiko!!!??

Himiko likes girls and boys, yet they keep trying to force her on dates with boys she doesn't like. At least I can get those boys to fuck off from my sister before they go on any dates. 

She should love who she wants.

I hate them for accepting me and not her . 

Himiko deserves better. 

I wish she got it.

(There's a side note scribbled in the margins .)

They still think I'm going to marry some guy when I'm older and think I'm just going through a phase, this isn't just a fluke that I'll grow out of. 

I love her

I don't want to marry a guy, ever. 

I……

I like girls…….

I like Asuka.

August 5 Entry 80: I was intimate with someone today. It was with a girl and it was my first time, it was my friend, Asuka, the one I kissed before. We've been dating for a while now, but we're keeping it a secret from everyone. 

Our parents thought I was at some boys house all night, but I lied. I was with Asuka the whole time. 

She was sweet with me. 

I want to see her again soon. 

I don't want to lose her.

I don't think I could handle it if that happened.

She loves me for me.

October 31st entry 102: Today's Halloween. I like this holiday a lot even though it's not as celebrated as other places. I think it would be fun to dress up for a day, but my parents are against it and Himiko's not the biggest fan of this holiday. 

She doesn't like it because people usually call her a vampire and other mean things around this time. 

I feel bad for her. 

It makes me feel guilty to like a holiday Himiko doesn't. But some part of me just can't……

I don't know why I like it, I just do. It makes me feel so conflicted, I like the themes, the costumes, the mood and everything I've ever heard about it. It just…….

I'm sorry, Himiko. 

Maybe I just want to dress up, that's all. 

I'm not allowed to wear anything besides the clothes my parents buy for me or my uniform. 

I hate it. 

Maybe I just want to dress how I want without anyone telling me what to do. 

Maybe someday I can dress up like that, without my parents deciding everything for me. 

Maybe I should ask my girlfriend if I can wear some of her clothes. She does cosplay as a hobby and all the outfits she has are so cute, but they're very gothic and what some of the other kids at school call edgy .

Maybe she'll let me wear them. Or maybe when we're older and I don't have to live with my parents anymore she can help me find clothes to wear, maybe they could be like hers.

But what would I wear if I could wear anything? 

I……

I don't know.

November 23 Entry 123: My girlfriend sent me this interesting book to read. Though I have to hide it from my parents because it's sapphic and they're prejudiced jerks. 

I think it's good, though I heard it's not a happy ending for the two girls. 

I don't think Himiko would like it.

It's—

November 24 Entry 125: I'm not letting Himiko read this book. It would probably make her feel worse. 

November 25 Entry 128: My sister found the book I was reading. She read it and I know she didn't like it or the ending despite what she says, because it's not a happy romance story with a perfect ending, far from it, and one of the characters being a vampire didn't help. 

She tries to act like it didn't bother her but I know it did to some extent.

I'm giving the book back to my girlfriend.

I wish Asuka gave me something with a happy ending so I could share it with Himiko. She deserves to have one after everything.

December 24th Entry 144: I spent today with my girlfriend. She helped me dress up and go to a small convention and look around.

It was a fun date. Though everybody at the convention kept calling her my goth gf. She's only a little bit gothic, despite always wearing dark clothes.

Some people even asked if they could take our picture. 

I said no to all of them, except to my girlfriend when we took some selfies.

I had fun there. It was lovely, though I could only look at all the stuff and couldn't buy anything. My parents would throw it away immediately if I got anything that they didn't deem normal.

Nobody knew it was me the whole time we were there. It was……

Freeing. To be seen like that was what I've always wanted.

I liked it. I could just be myself and no one knew who I really was underneath. I could act however I wanted without any judgement or scorn because I was just some girl in a costume nobody knew. 

I didn't have to be perfect or hide any part of me or who I was 

It was lovely to spend time with Asuka like that, though wearing that much clothing did tire me out a fair bit.

I want to go again. I think I'll let her dress me up again.

There were lots of chunni-like people there though. 

Including my girlfriend. 

The pseudonym she was using was something long and chuuni too. 

I think it was cute even if I couldn't remember what it was.

She was dressed as some cutesy gothic character based off a show I haven't heard of, and she was talking funny the whole time. 

It was strange, but cute, even if it was a bit cringey

It's apparently a show from America or something. 

I didn't really understand it though when she showed me something from it.

I loved her dress and all the little trinkets and accessories she had. Though there were a few too many chains and stuff that didn't really do anything. They were kinda cool though.

I also loved taking it off her when we got back to her place.

I'm glad her parents are never home. We just get to be with each other all the time now.

I never want to go home.

December 25th Entry 145: Himiko met my girlfriend today. They got along well, though I didn't tell her we were together. 

Maybe they got along a little too well. 

I kinda felt jealous seeing them interact. It's nothing though, I'm fine. 

I think I'll tell Himiko on new years about us being together. 

Maybe we can invite Himiko to her place and show her the dresses we've been making together. Mine looks pretty, but it's still not as good as Asuka's.

Asuka’s dress is a pretty black and red, like her hair. 

I wonder If I should dye mine.

My parents would kill me though, my hair is so long and well kept. It would take forever to dye it and I'm not sure what color I should even if I did.

Maybe It would be easier to just cut it, if I ever decide to do that. 

December 31st 152: Me and asuka had fun today, and I told my sister about us being together. 

It made her smile and it was…….

………

………

………

I should be happy to see her smile damnit!

I'm not going to be like them! I'm not! 

She's………

She's really-!

Damnit!

He freezes in place when he reads the next entries

???? Entry 187: Himiko stabbed someone at her school today I……

It was the boy she liked. He's……lost a lot of blood…..

I……

I don't know what to think. 

????? Entry 212: It's been a few weeks since Himiko ran away from here. 

From……

I miss her, but maybe she's happier now that she's free from this place and our parents. Even if she almost killed Saito.

I don't know why she attacked him, it scares me. Did Himiko finally have enough of everybody? 

I……

I don't know what to think.

I wish I was a better sister to her. 

I wish I told her that her smile was beautiful when I had the chance.

Maybe then this wouldn't have happened.

I wish I could have gone with her.

A deep melancholy fills his chest as he thinks any that girl that looked like Himiko he saw with Ochako earlier.

March 3rd Entry 332: Today's my birthday. I'm as old as Himiko now when she left. My birthday comes almost four or five months before hers so that would make me about……….

(Old tear stains smudge the rest of the words in that sentence.)

There's still no sign of Himiko anywhere. 

It's been…….

(Old tear stains make the words bleed through the page and warp the paper until it's unreadable.) 

A part of me wishes they would find her, and another part doesn't. 

I'm scared to know of what's become of my sister.

March 4th Entry 334: I've almost run out of room in this diary to write, and it makes me sad I filled it up so soon. I bought a few more and have been going through some of my old entries in them……

I don't want to stop writing in this one. It's one of the only things I have that my sister gave me.

But I'm running out of pages.

March 5th Entry 335: It's been a long time since I've seen Himiko. 

I miss her. But my parents don't feel the same. 

They've become apathetic to anything related to her and it's like I don't even exist to them. It's like all the motivation they've had in life was going towards hating Himiko and using me as her ‘perfect’ replacement. 

I hate it. I hate them.

March 6th 337: 

My parents want me to try to get into UA but I'd rather go to ketsubutsu, that's where my girlfriend is planning on going. 

Maybe someday I will make it in with her, I might end up in something like support because of how weak I am. 

I can't be a real hero, so maybe I'll make support gear for Asuka.

Maybe there I'll be able to make my quirk stronger, at least a little bit. My parents are always complaining about it, whenever they aren't apathetic to me.

I can barely even move a glass of water with it, even after all these years. 

Why is my water quirk so weak!?

At least I'll have the diary Himiko gave me if I ever do make it in. But that won't be for a while. 

Ps. I miss you Himiko.

(Extra note on the bottom written hastily)

Why is my quirk affecting salt now? 

I thought it was just a water quirk?

Is it seawater that my quirk will work on?

Final entry: 

A page covered in old tear stains and smudged writing.

Asuka and me……

We broke up. My heart hurts and I can't stop crying, I…..

I still love her, but I can't…..

I can't be with her anymore……

I don't know how to feel about it. 

But I know I feel pain.

But I don't hate her, I could never hate her. 

I just wish things went differently between us.

I love her, but I can never be with her now.

……..

……..

Is this the kind of pain Himiko was always in?

(There's something written on the bottom but it's smudged by tears and unreadable, but the letters m y q r and k b l d are legible.)

When he finishes reading, the sudden feeling of guilt overcomes him. He just read someone's personal feelings without caring. He's an asshole for doing that. 

All he can think about is how It reminds him of the journals about heroes he always wrote in when he was young. Maybe that's why it was so easy to lose himself in the pages, because he used to do that with his own books.

“I shouldn't have read this” He wants to kick himself for reading someone else's diary.

But he has a question about Mircalla now that seems vitally important. 

“Is Mircalla her or Asuka?”

??????:????????

???????

“Hmm” She swirls her finger above the glass of water on the desk again and again. With every single stroke of her finger the water inside moves a small bit. But the small current of water is small and gentle against its clear container.

The young blonde girl, with hair down to her back growls in frustration as she focuses harder on the water. 

It's not enough.  

Sweat beads at her brow as she tries to push her hydrokinesis to its limit.

Come on. 

The water begins to swirl faster and faster in the glass and for a moment she thinks that she is finally making progress and her sharp golden eyes fill with amazement. But then the water begins to die down bit by bit and lose its momentum.

“No, please not now!” She puts everything she has into keeping the water going, even if with every second that goes by her veins feel like they are ripping themselves out of her arm. 

“Just. Keep. Going!” but no matter how much she tries the water keeps slowing down. 

“Keep! Going!” She's sweating so much and her vision is getting more blurry by the second. Everything's getting dark as she puts everything into her quirk into making it, forcing it to work. 

“Please just keep-!” but she can't do it. She lets her quirk go and that burning tingling in her arm stops throbbing so hard. She almost falls back and collapses on the floor but then there's the sudden feeling of an arm wrapping around her tightly. 

“ Hinako” The young girl pants and heaves as the girl holding her from falling with one arm looks down at her with worry. 

She stares into those blood red eyes staring at her upside down, the way her short hair, a deep black that leads into bright blood red tips, frames her face in a cute way that saps the air from her lungs. 

“Easy darling, exhausting yourself so early into your venture isn't good in the long run” The loving smirk from her girlfriend makes the young girl blush, and it gets worse when she gets a kiss on the forehead.

Her whole face turns a bright red and it makes the other girl giggle.

“My, what a striking scarlet you wear so well, I'd love to see this shade adorn and accentuate your beauty more often, my dearest love~” That loving and sultry voice calling to her makes her insides feel warm. 

“Asuka…..” Her girlfriend helps her sit back in her chair before setting down the tray of food for them on the desk next to the cup of water she was using for practice.

Then asuka giggles with mirth before patting her in the head. 

“You did well for today dear, but you can postpone your trials for just a little bit can't you” Asuka gestures to the delicious looking food in front of them both and it makes her mouth water. 

That looks so good . 

She can't help but swallow the saliva pooling in her mouth down and nods eagerly.

Then Asuka leans forward to whisper in her ear. 

“You're such a good girl. Maybe you deserve a reward later~” Her heart almost goes nuclear from those words. 

“A-a-asuka!?” The other girl giggles before pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

“It was just a small joke, but mayhaps it wasn't one~” She chokes on the air in her lungs, as her girlfriend laughs before pulling up a chair next to her. 

“Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't tease the girl that owns my love so much” Asuka takes a seat and grabs a piece of silverware before handing it to her. “Come on, eat up, you're bound to be tired from such exhausting work.”

She takes the piece of metal before reaching out towards her own bowl of food. Her mouth is salivating so much she doesn't hesitate to take a bite.

“Mhmm!” It's such a lovely taste she can't stop herself from shoveling piece after piece into her mouth. She swears there must be stars sparkling in her eyes because of the food in front of her. 

At least with Asuka she can actually eat.

But then she freezes because Asuka isn't eating and just staring at her while smiling. 

Then asuka leans forward and presses a kiss to her cheek. 

“I'm glad you love my cooking hina, It's nice to see you eat more often” That makes her blush and smile before taking another bite. 

As they both consume their food she can't help but think about her older sister, Himiko. 

Would she like to taste asuka’s cooking?

Maybe she should bring some home for her.

I hope she can eat it in peace.  

She's glad Himiko's been taking the food left in the fridge by her, even if it means she can't eat as much as before. 

“Hina, have you been watching any good shows lately?” Those words draw her attention away from thoughts of her sister and to her girlfriend instead. 

“Huh, oh yeah, I guess I have” She takes another bite of her food and chews on it for a moment before swallowing. 

“Asuka……” Hinako looks over at her girlfriend, from the casual clothes she is wearing to her hair and eyes. “Why does so much stuff hate it when someone loves a person of the same gender, especially when it's something older?” Asuka freezes before taking a harsh bite of her food. 

“There are a lot of reasons, Hina….” Asuka shifts uncomfortably in her seat before sighing. “I….I don't know why…. But I know it can be so damn frustrating when that happens, especially when that person is like you…..” Asuka places the bowl on the desk before turning away from her. “I've lost count of the stuff where they just kill someone like that off…….”

Hinako reaches out a hand to comfort her girlfriend, but Asuka grabs her hand a bit too harshly to stop her. But then it relaxes.

“I know it can make you feel like shit when it happens……” Her golden eyes flick down at the floor as she listens to Asuka’s words. “But……..”

But Asuka doesn't finish and lets go of her hand before walking out of the room. 

Tears fill her eyes and all she wants to do is pull Asuka close and comfort her and herself. 

But she left, again. 

She probably shouldn't have brought that up. 

Asuka has been bullied enough about her sexuality from the bullies at school.

Hinako sighs and goes to grab the diary Himiko gave her from the desk.

“Ow!” but she cries because one of the pages cut her. “Damnit!” she sucks on her pointer finger as she looks through the pages. 

She needs to get stronger with her quirk. She pulls her still bleeding finger from her lips and tries again to move the water when she snaps her book closed.

She closes her eyes and yells at the stupid cup of water to fucking move.

“Move damnit!!”

CRASH!!!

“Ah!!!!” her eyes bolt open and she screams at the flurry of glass and water that smashed against the wall on the other side of the room. Her heart pounds in her chest as she stares at the broken and wet glass at the floor. 

“What…. What was different that time!?!!!” She cries as she goes to get a broom and towel to clean up the mess she made in her girlfriend's room. 

She hurries as the blood from her finger drips even faster onto the floor.

“Damn it, why am I bleeding so much.

There's a click from the front door and Himiko rushes over to see if it's Ochako. When she sees brown hair she rushes over to hug her girlfriend. 

But she stops in place when she sees the state Ochako is in. Covered in dirt and blood that isn't hers. It makes her feel scared. 

"Don't worry Himiko, it's just from Mircallas quirk, I'm fine and so was everyone else there" Himiko let's out a sharp breath before guiding Ochako inside while she takes of her head piece. 

"I'm tired Himiko, I want to go to bed for a bit" Himiko nods and guides Ochako towards the bedroom as she takes piece after piece of her hero suit off. 

When they finally reach Ochako's room she takes off her suit and heads to the shower. 

She is half tempted to ask if Ochako wants her to come in with her, but decides to leave that part unsaid.

Instead she leaves and goes back to the living room to finish her drawings. 

But just as she walks by the couch her foot accidentally kicks at the bag Ochako received from her.

Himiko sighs at the envelope that fell out, one addressed to her. 

She grabs the paper and is half tempted to rip out up, but decides to see what it says. She opens it and the first few words make her want to puke. 

To Himiko—

She rips it up and tosses the pieces onto the coffee table before grabbing her drawings. 

"I don't want to hear anything from you" She's done with all those people from back then, especially her. 

The girl known as mircalla, an anagram of carmilla.

"I don't care what you do, just leave me alone" She takes her drawings and grabs a random book from the shelves so it's easier to draw on. 

"I don't ever want to talk to you again."

It's too painful to see you of all people.

Chapter Text

“Touya, I have a question for you?” His eyes look at the book in front of him as he flips through the pages he's read, and the pages they still have left to go. They're about half way through the book now, they could probably finish it today if he stays a bit longer than usual. 

“What is it…..Shoto…..” The scratchy and broken voice calling out from behind the glass next to him makes his heart hurt. Because it's his brother in there, barely kept alive by machines.

“Do you actually enjoy it when I read these books to you?” He looks down at the book in his hand, Carmilla, then he looks at some of the other books at his feet, ranging from long ones to very short stories. Like Dracula, Bartelby the Scrivener, Alice in wonderland and Varney the Vampire. There's so many books that Touya requested him to read when he has the time and comes to visit him. 

His eyes fall on the last book, a small one he printed out himself, the story of Prometheus.

I wish we could read them all together. 

“Yeah….., I do….” His different colored eyes look through the glass at the place where Touya’s face is. That small bit of flesh and teeth he sees makes him feel so many things. 

“But why did you want me to pick these ones?” Neither of them say anything for a while. Until Dabi answers. 

“Because….. It reminds me of… them….. of… ..her ” Tears fill his eyes and he has to look away from the casket holding his brother in it. 

He means Himiko. The girl Ochako is also still grieving over too, even after so long.

I wish there was a way to help you Touya . I'm sorry. But Eri is still recovering from the damage to her horn after what happened during the war and none of them are sure how that has affected her quirk. It's dangerous for everyone involved.

He doesn't care if this is just a form of atonement for everything Touya has done, it's cruel to every one of them as they watch him die.

He decides to finish reading this book, even if he's going to have to stay here a bit longer than he usually does, but he doesn't care, he's finishing it with his brother. It's the least he can do for the brother that he isn't sure has long left.

Shoto takes a deep breath before reading one of the passages.

“First—Her name was Carmilla. Second—Her family was very ancient and noble. Third—Her home lay in the direction of the west…….”

But then suddenly the door to this room opens and it draws his attention towards those doors. Mom and fuyumi weren't planning to visit today last he checked, so who could it be?

“Natsu—” He tries to call out to his brother but then his words freeze in place as he looks at the two adults that walked in. Keigo and a woman that reminds him eerily of Ochako for some reason. 

“Keigo? What are you—” but then he looks at the girl walking behind the two of them. One that reminds him of Himiko except with long brown hair and golden eyes. She looks almost exactly like Himiko except for the hair. There's no doubt in his mind that she is Himiko.

“Himi…..!” Dabi croaks in disbelief as his pained filled eyes go to her, and the look of sorrow and melancholy she gives him proves that it's her without a shadow of a doubt.

The chair Shoto was sitting in slams against the floor as he gets his ice quirk ready to subdue her, and drag her back to Ochako.

“Himiko!” She has so much to answer for, but the most prominent thought he has is to drag her back to Ochako this instance even if she's kicking and screaming. That's the least she deserves after what Ochako's been through because of her absence.

But then the two adults get in front of her protectively. He could easily freeze her in place without even flinching or bothering either of the other two, it would be so easy to do, but Keigo's next words make him stop.

“Shoto, wait, stop, this is my sister,” He frowns at the girl and gives both of those adults a glare as she speaks.

“I-I'm S-Sorry, I just thought I would accompany my brother while he works because I didn't have classes today, I'm sorry for causing y-you trouble” The young brown haired girl shies away from him nervously after giving a deep bow. He doesn't want to buy that this girl isn't Himiko for a second, her features are too familiar for him not to notice because of Ochako.

He grits his teeth, and says the one thing that every one of them knows would definitely affect Himiko even if she was disguised as someone else. 

“Himiko….” He grits his teeth until they almost feel like breaking before growling his next words, because they are Ochako's own. Ones that she is always whispering and crying when she thinks nobody can hear her. 

“Himiko, Ochako wants to see your beautiful smile again!” that girl goes completely still when he says those words, and the next ones will prove it's really her, and he'll drag her off back to the girl she's hurt so much. 

“Ochako cried herself to sleep calling your name all those years at school, don't you feel any guilt for hurting the girl you love!” He glares at the girl who looks at him with confusion. He bites his tongue because of how much pain Ochako has been in because of this girl. 

But then his anger fades when she smiles soft and nervously because shaking her head. When he sees that those fangs that belong only to Himiko aren't there, doubt fills his chest. 

“I'm sorry you must be thinking of someone else, I'm sorry to hear that about your friend, but my name is Suzume, Suzume Takami.” he looks over her features again and sees that he was probably mistaken. 

But he's not entirely convinced.

Her eyes are golden like hers, but her hair isn't the same color and she doesn't have fangs. She's wearing different clothing than what Touya said Himiko would ever willingly wear. Something that doesn't look cute like the clothes Mina wears or forces ejiro to wear for her. Her hair is long and down to her waist, but it's completely straight unlike the wild locks Ochako said Himiko's hair was like when she saw it down. 

So much of him wants it to be Himiko so that Ochako's torment finally ends, but as he thinks about it more, it doesn't really make sense for her to be Himiko, or for her to be anybody other than Hawk's sister.

He takes a deep breath because he probably has the wrong person and is just overthinking things.

“I'm sorry” he gives that girl a deep apologetic bow because of his outburst, even as Touya lets out a raspy chuckle that sounds a bit mocking from behind the glass.

Keigo gives him a small smile and waves off what just happened like it was nothing.

“It's fine Shoto” But his eyes fall on that girl that looks similar to Ochako next to him who is still being defensive of Suzume for some reason.

“Relax bulbel, it's okay” Shoto’s eyes go to the older woman's gloved hands and how odd they seem.

What kind of quirk does she have? Is it an emitter type or does it only activate with skin contact?

“Well since introductions are in order, this is Suzume, my little sister. Half sister.  She's from America and I only recently learned she existed so be nice to her Shoto. I don't want her to get thrown into the limelight so can you please not talk about her to anybody else, and try not to bully her about languages too much” Shoto takes in his words and with every one it's less likely she is Himiko. 

His request for him not to talk about her and keep her out of the limelight brings up memories of his own past, and his stifling it always was for him to be endeavors son. Never himself. 

He gives them both a nod and decides to honor his request. He doesn't want to make anybody else uncomfortable like he used to feel.

“(Hello it's nice to meet you mister)” Suzume says in perfect English. It surprises him.

The tension he's been carrying since she walked in falls away because Himiko definitely doesn't have any reason to speak English. She was a middle school dropout from what he's heard from Ochako, and her quirk doesn't give her another person's knowledge and memories. 

It's not her, I'm sorry Ochako.

“(It's nice to meet you Suzume)” He responds in English the way present mic taught them all to do at UA.

Suzume looks surprised for a moment that he knows English too, she almost looks nervous about it. It's strange. 

“Shoto can I talk to dabi—, er,Touya, sorry.” Shoto nods and gestures to the glass behind him. “I meant alone Shoto, I don't think you want to hear about us and y’know.” The older quirkless man gives him a shit eating grin and he really wishes he didn't.

The dual haired boy sighs and grimaces before going to exit through the door. He really doesn't want to hear about his older brother's past relationships .

He's had enough of Touya cracking small jokes about what he and Keigo had back then every once in a while. If he can even talk that day.

I think I've been traumatized enough by my older brother. But he wouldn't mind that if his brother got to live normally, even if it was just in a cell.

This just feels cruel.

He goes to leave as fast as he can away from this conversation, but strangely the girl who reminds him of Ochako follows after him too.

“I think I'll see if they have any coffee machines around Keigo, I'm starting to fall asleep again.” The older woman says with a yawn. Her words seem genuine but there's also something else in them, something he doesn't understand.

He looks at the girl following him suspiciously but decides to not think too much about her because Keigo obviously knows her. She can't be dangerous if he's close to her.

As the door to the room finally closes the mask she's put on finally breaks and all her tears start to come out as she rushes to the glass Dabi is behind. Her hair fades away into blonde and the feelings she's getting from Ochako fade.

“Dabi!” She lets her fangs come out too so he knows it's definitely her, his friend. The girl who always thought of him and the others like family, and like he was an older brother to her, even if he could be distant and cold. 

“* Sniffle* dabi, What happened to you?” The entombed man lets out a small and raspy laugh from behind the glass. The way his mangled body shudders inside that device makes her feel so much pain inside it hurts to even breathe.

“It's……my…. fault. Don't worry about….. It…Himi..” She sniffles before placing her head against the glass letting him away. It's cold and unfeeling, and far too distant. 

She hates the way it feels so cold because that's all she has felt since coming here. There's no warmth in this place like dabi’s flames used to be. 

Her friend. No. Her brother is living in a metal coffin . One she wishes he wasn't trapped in.

“Dabi, *sniffle*, I missed you…..so much ” Himiko sobs because she can't hug him like she wants to anymore. Like she wishes he would have let her do back then before everything fell apart. 

But now, she'll probably never get that chance. Tears stream down her face as she bangs her head against the glass.

“I wish I got the chance to hug you, I wish we could have done so much dabi, all of us. I wish things were different” She sniffles and wipes her face off even if more snot and tears replace it soon after.

“Me….. too.” Those words he says are bittersweet, no. They're just bitter, there's no sweetness in any of this, just pure bitterness. Nothing more. 

She hates it.

Himiko sniffles and begins to sing a song for him, one she never got to because he never told her his birthday, and he might not ever get another one. 

But even still, after everything she's thankful to finally known it so she can give him a gift, even if it's not anything he wants.

“ Happy birthday, Happy BIRTHDAY to yOu, ha-appy b-birthda-Ay, hAppy BiRthdAy to……” Her voice cracks and breaks with every syllable she says.

“….. Happy Birthday to you…..” She can't keep herself up anymore and collapses on the ground into a sobbing mess. She cries and cries because he might not make it to his actual birthday. But she just wanted to do one nice thing for him even if it could be the last. 

Just one nice thing for the man that is like a brother, just like Jin.

Someone she loves so much……

The one who might not live to see tomorrow…..

“Aaagggggghhh!!!” She screams until her voice is raw and she's almost thrown up twice. 

But even if her voice is giving out and she can't even speak anymore she sings to the man that was cold to them all even with his flames that burn as hot as the sun, but even still he was one of the people that was more like family to her then her own blood was. 

If she could have picked people to have as siblings she wouldn't have picked anybody else but him, and jin…..tomura…...kurogiri………mag…..

“Happy birthday to you” She sniffles and smiles through the pain because that's all she knows how to do. 

To smile at a funeral.

She wishes with all her heart that it wasn't one. 

“Happy….. Birthday……to you…Himi…...little sister." Dabi sings back to the best of his ability. She pulls her eyes away from the floor and looks at the man who said those words. 

They taste bitter, and she wishes he never said them, because they could be the last memory she has of him.

But what he says next shatters her heart because they are words that she can't say to him, because they would be too cruel to someone marching towards death. 

“Live……Himiko….. Please…… Live .” She can't say no to that, because this is his last request of her and the League.

“Live……”

Chapter Text

Himiko Toga

24

“Congrats on finally passing kid” The older man smiles at the younger girl next to him for finally passing her school's high school equivalency test. She's been working hard for the last three years and deserves a break.

He pulls out a few bills and gestures to their bartender for a drink before putting them down, though she doesn't take them and instead waives the fee for tonight.

The bar is closed for today so no one bothers them anyways, plus all of them know money isn't an issue for their bartender now. 

“I guess you've earned something from the top shelf, right?” The blonde man with many scars visible, and not, smiles happily as he waits for a response from the older woman behind the counter.

The dark haired girl known only as Bulbel runs her ungloved fingers across the bottles without looking at them to find the right one. Then she pulls out a few more things neither of the two at the bar know about as she begins to mix things around.

“Yeah, no, I don't think so Keigo. She's not used to drinking yet so something that doesn't burn her throat and is sweet tasting instead, while light on alcohol so she doesn't get drunk fast would probably be better for her tonight” He decides to not argue with the girl that knows more about this stuff than him.

They watch as she tries to make something suitable for the 24 year old girl, smiling widely at them both as her fangs and blonde hair show freely for the first time in a while. The sharp features she has are definitive signs that she's obviously someone that should have been dead a long time, but isn't.

No, instead she's alive and well and slowly, bit by bit making progress in her life, for what exactly she isn't sure of herself. But it's certainly something that makes her feel less miserable than before, even if it's just a little bit and very brief.

“Heads up” The older woman slides a dark colored drink to the taller of the blondes at the bar and gently sets down the colorful pink drink in front of the shorter one.

“Thank you Bulbel” She responds to her friend, one that reminds her of someone else that hurts to think about.

Himiko looks down at her bright pink drink and frowns at the familiar color, one that reminds her of Ochako the longer she stares at it. Bulbel almost takes the glass back to make a different drink instead until Himiko takes it first before she can. 

“N-no, it's okay, I'm fine” The older woman glances at her with worry before walking over to clean up, but then the next second keigo chokes on his drink and sputters as he tries not to spit it out all over the counter.

“Oh god…, what the hell is this Bulbel?” He glares at the small glass in his hand and slides it away like an annoyed cat before Bulbel takes it to dump it. 

“You said you wanted straight whiskey and vodka keigo, though I don't know why you would want something with that kind of taste without a chaser or something else added” He frowns and rolls his eyes because of his poor word choice with someone like Bulbel.

Bulbel's….. Bulbel.

“I didn't mean both at the same time……nevermind, just give me what Himiko's having instead” She nods at his request. It's an easy task for the older woman with well practiced hands that are used to this to replicate the drink for him. 

Himiko looks over the two and smiles because all of this feels domestic, just like……..

She doesn't want to think about the league right now. Today's supposed to be a happy day. She focuses on the cool and sweet smelling drink in her hands and how intimidating it feels. 

Last time she snuck alcohol from the bar when she was with the league she threw up because it burned so much. 

This will be her first proper drink and it scares her that she might feel that harsh burning again. She's afraid of the painful memories it will bring.

Just take a small drink, that's all. Just a little sip. It's not going to hurt……it's……it's not……

Himiko tilts the fruity concoction to her lips and sips lightly at the liquid she expects to have a sharp tang or harsh bite to it. She feels tears at the corners of her eyes because she's so scared of it burning again. 

But no, there's no harshness, no painful bite, no awful burn that tastes and smells like cleaning alcohol. Not at all, there is only a soft and sweet taste that is none of those things, it's…….. good. 

It's……It reminds her of how Ochako's blood tastes.

She lets out a sigh of relief and smiles before taking another drink, the one she's earned after all these years. When she started to go back to school she made a promise with keigo that they would take her out to get her first official drink together and now she's finally here, she's at a day she wasn't sure would ever actually come…..

It's….. It's weird that she actually did this. She actually accomplished something. Something that she set out to do, something that would make her life better, even if it's just a little bit.

She's actually done something that's………. She doesn't know how to describe it. But it makes her happy.

It makes her want to tell her friends. The league and everyone that was in it. 

But she can't. Not anymore. Because almost everyone is dead, and those that aren't……she can't see them as herself, as Himiko. Because she's Suzume and nobody else.

She takes another sip and even if it's tooth rottingly sweet there's a small bitterness to it, because she wishes it was kurogiri that gave this to her. Not……

Himiko sniffles and wipes the tears from her eyes before taking another hesitant sip. 

Maybe it's best that she gets drunk tonight, so she can dull these painful memories. 

She turns to keigo for a distraction from her thoughts as Bulbel hands him a much more colorful drink than before. She giggles when he takes a hesitant sip that tells them all he doesn't expect it to be that good. But the moment the sweet drink hits his tongue he smiles happily.

“Is this the kind of drink that all those old men are afraid to be seen drinking?” He takes another drink and chuckles to himself. “I don't see why, but I guess having a stick up your ass everyday does make you miserable.” Himiko smiles at her friend and his words. The words of the man that's helped her so much, even if she's still never going to forgive him for Jin. But at least he's trying his best for her because of Jin, the man who was like her brother. 

No. He was, and so were the others. Even if they did argue and fight sometimes, it's more than she's ever felt with her own family. 

Thoughts of her younger sister Hina feel bitter because she doesn't know if her sister is alive or not…….

…..or if she died because of her and the league.

She's afraid to know what's become of her sister, because Keigo can't find anything about her.

As the night passes on Keigo hangs his head almost groggily as she looks through her phone. 

She needs to make preparations for her next level of education, and face the possibility that she could walk into an actual real college and learn there if she wanted instead of doing everything online at her current school. 

She's now officially a young adult that can do whatever she wants within reason and certain boundaries, even if she's a bit late in time compared to everyone else. She has so many choices of what to do now, it's frightening because she has to make these choices she never could before. 

She's never had much choice in life before now, even if it's restricted by other people that want her dead.

But even still with those rules placed on her, she can choose what she wants to do with her life now. 

She can do so much, or nothing at all and it will be her choice.

“Hmmm”

But if she does choose to go to a college or get a job she would like, what would she pick?

What does she like to do? What does she want to learn or become?

Maybe a nurse? An artist? A musician? No, she's not going to turn the music she makes into something she will grow to hate. She's barely reclaimed playing it as her own and doesn't want to ruin all the work she's done these long years to get it back for herself. 

Himiko scrolls through her phone as she thinks about what jobs there are. 

Maybe she can even be a hero if she wanted.

“Hah!” She laughs because that's an impossible thought. 

Being a hero is the last thing she'd probably ever be, plus she's too old to go to a hero school like the one Ochako went to. 

Though she did do that hero test thing and passed part of it as camie. She's curious how Camie feels about her doing that. Though she guesses it's just anger and hate. 

A part of her is glad Camie didn't get killed because of that, while another feels guilty because she was even in that situation in the first place because of her.

She decides not to think about the things she did wrong tonight. Today's supposed to be happy. 

I have the rest of my life to make up for everything I've done.

She goes through her phone and types random topic after topic to distract herself. She's almost through her drink when she stops and sees something that makes her blood churn.

It's a forum. One about her.

Could Himiko Toga have been saved and helped? 

She's curious about what other people think of her now after all these years. The war was about five or six years ago. 

Himiko presses the link and waits to see what others have to say about her, even if she already knows deep down.

Her eyes go to the first comment and how scathing it is hurts. 

—Miriofan324: Honestly I can't see that ever having happened, even if a parallel word existed where she could have been changed. I believe without a doubt that no. She wouldn't under any circumstance want to be saved. She was a girl that loved to inflict her suffering on others and every report says she did it all with a smile on her face.

—So You Say?: I agree, she was a remorseless killer who had shown no signs of empathy or remorse for what she did to people at all. If she could have been and I quote rehabilitated in some way I doubt she would ever do it, she was too far gone with the rest of those crazy madmen. 

—What'Sthere2do?: She was clearly a psychopath that had no value for human life in any way. How many did she kill before joining the league? 

—Nothin 2 do: She was a young girl in a terrible place surrounded by terrible people, yes, but she showed no signs of changing in any way and neither did that cult of villains she was in. It's better off she died.

—Space girl: That's not very nice to say about her. Even if she did terrible things she's still a human.

—Nothing 2 do: Whatever man, there's no use trying to defend a dead girl. She's probably burning in hell for what she did.

—Glad 2 b gone: She's better off in hell anyways with the rest of those murderous assholes. Good riddance.

Himiko bites her tongue as tears sting her eyes. Those words make her throat burn and want to throw up.

“I…..” 

Can she even refute these claims? 

Ones that tell her she would have been better off dead. 

No... She can't.

—Space girl: I believe she was a young girl in a terrible place that needed proper help but never got it. What she did was terrible but that doesn't mean she should be treated any less human.

—Lost yourself: Sure jan whatever you say.

—Glad 2 b gone: Dude, she's dead and a deranged war criminal. There's no point in trying to change anybody's mind on this.

—Nothing to do: rest in hell. You won't be missed at all psycho.

—Scylla: I think that's enough insults and you shouldn't talk about someone else like that.

—Glad 2 b gone: Piss off!

—Lost yourself: ***********

—Hate 2 Hate: It's not like you were someone affected by what they did! So you can **** right off!

—Pandora: I agree that people here are being very harsh on this particular topic.

—What'Sthere2do?: Suck a **** ******

—Dumb butt: Dude check their profile.

—What'Sthere2do?: oh *****.

Himiko stops reading and clicks on the profile of the one called Pandora. Then she backs out and closes her phone because of what she saw.

It was a picture of Dabi’s brother, and the thought that there were more of Ochako's friends there scares her. 

She turns off her phone and gulps down the rest of her drink before asking for another. 

All she wants to do is get drunk and forget this night, and the words that call her nothing more than a deranged psycho.

But most of all she wants to drink so she doesn't have to think about the possibility that she's a human despite everything she's done instead of a monster. 

She's used to being something that is wrong to exist, but she doesn't know what to do when others treat her like a person that still deserves to exist despite everything she's done.

Being a monster is easier and less painful than being a human.

Things hurt more when she's treated like she matters in some way.

It's easier to be seen as a terrible monster than a vulnerable girl that's been hurt.

She's not sure which she really is, or if there even is a difference.

It scares her. 

It's……frightening to be human.

She wipes at her eyes and curls further into the kuromi plushie in her arms as her phone sits idly in bed next to her.

Lots of people don't want to see Himiko as a person. 

She hates it every time she looks at one of these things that asks the question she's thought about thousands of times to see if there's anybody else that had those same thoughts she did. 

Nobody does, except some of her friends.

She opens her phone to check the time and how late it is.

But her eyes glance down at the comment at the bottom of the forum she scrolled through. One buried beneath everything else. 

—Alice dressed in white: Uravity has talked about Himiko Toga a lot in her interviews and I think that maybe she could have been helped.

—Suck it up: Kys

She frowns at the harsh comment they got as a response and makes her own to them. 

Space girl: I think so too.

Then she closes her phone, but not before getting a response back. 

Alice dressed in white: ❤️ (heart) 

Ochako sets her phone down and closes her eyes to finally fall asleep.

I wish you could have lived to prove people that think you're better off dead wrong, Himiko.

I wish you could have lived.

Chapter Text

*Knock Knock*

The front door opens and her eyes fall on the girl in front of her. 

She's young, a high schooler about her age wearing a brown cardigan that matches her hair. A lovely auburn above her shoulders, with short bangs and long strands that frame her face. Though she can pick out a few strands of white hair caused by stress.

At least she's started taking better care of her hair.

Her eyes look over the girl's face from her soft cheeks that make her want to pinch them, to those lovely eyes that are the same color as her hair.

“Hello, um……” The dark haired girl is nervous because of her. 

She lets out a light and airy chuckle. Before pulling the other girl inside. 

“Don't be scared, come in” The other girl is hesitant to, but complies and follows her inside as the door closes behind them. "My mom's in the kitchen cooking so we can stay in my room until she's done." 

She looks back at the girl, shy and hesitant, but the closer they get to her room the more her girlfriend relaxes. When they finally arrive at her bedroom her girlfriend has calmed. But she still decides to check on on her and see if she's okay. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Her new girlfriend nods and hesitantly lets go of her hand. 

“I'm fine, I'm just not used to being in someone else's house” There's more in those hesitant eyes of auburn, but her girlfriend doesn't say anything for now.

Instead her girlfriend takes a seat at the low table in the middle of her room. One she usually uses for home work for school. One that isn't that far away from her or her girlfriend.

Her eyes fall on her dark colored uniform hanging off her desk chair. She wishes the uniform for their school was a different color, but there's nothing to do. At least she doesn't have to wear the full thing all the time.

She looks down at the young girl who seems unbothered by it. It's almost unnerving to her sometimes the things she'll put up with. She's an odd girl. 

“I'm going to the bathroom real quick, I won't be long”  The simple nod she gets is comforting as she leaves. 

After she finishes and washes her hands her eyes fall on the mirror in front of her and the blonde girl reflecting back at her. 

It's her own image. She takes a closer look at herself and looks at the shape of her eyes. Sharp and narrow with a golden hue like a predator, and the long pale blonde hair down to her waist.

She tilts her head from side to side to see the angles of her face better, and when she reaches out to touch the mirror she expects it to feel cold to the touch. 

But there's nothing. It's not warm or cool. Just nothing, like she's touching a piece of stone without a temperature underwater. 

Then she pulls her fingers away and opens her mouth to look at the sharp teeth she has before placing a finger upon one. Then she bites down and expects a sharp sting or taste of iron. But there's nothing

Then it comes to her.

She needs to eat. 

She wipes her mouth and cleans off the blood from her finger before going back to her room just down the hall. 

She opens the door and looks at her girlfriend. She's looking at the new phone in her hands as she approaches her quietly until she's right next to her. 

“Hmm?” When her girlfriend turns to face her she captures her lips and gives them a small lick to ask for her permission. The other girl is surprised and hesitant for a moment until she gives a lick back.

With that silent answer she lets her hunger out and begins to devour her lover, and with every second that passes she takes a piece of her away. Bit by bit and with every piece taken from her lover she starts to feel the softness of her lips, the warmth of their skin against one another's flesh, the taste of her girlfriend’s mouth. The sharp pain from the wound on her still bleeding finger as the wound slowly closes.

The feeling of her senses coming back to her settles that anxiousness she didn't know she was feeling. The way her girlfriend lets her devour more and more of her gives her a peace she's always wanted. 

A peace that only she can give her.

But it only lasts a moment until they both pull away and she leaves the auburn haired girl panting and wanting more. She preens at the pink blush burning the other girls cheeks and how just a simple kiss made her this way. 

She lets out a giggle before whispering the other girl's name. 

“Was that too much Sakiko?” When her girlfriend shakes her head she smiles and places a kiss on her cheek.

Then she pulls away and walks over to sit on the other side of her table, but not without letting out a small giggle at the shy girl and how embarrassed she was.

Her girlfriend takes a moment to calm herself and the way her face burns. 

“Ai…….”  That small whine makes her tempted to tease the other girl more. But decides not to and instead grabs one of her books off her desk, and the moment she touches it she feels a flow of information about the writing on every page, from front cover to the back. It's strange whenever this happens, whenever Sakiko’s quirk transfers to her for a brief moment. But she's gotten used to it by now.

Both of them have. 

She feels the effects from the girl she ate from fade away over time as she flips to the right page she needs. The one for things they need to do for the provisional license exam they both have to take.

A part of her is tempted to say screw it and just indulge in Sakiko, but she doesn't. She just ate from her and will be fine for a decent bit, it should be enough for her to get through this until her mother's done with the food. 

Then after they eat their food she can devour her girlfriend until she's full, and Sakiko will be at peace from them for a while.

Ai looks down at her book and the notes on strategies she has on the possible things that can happen during their exam. 

The main advantage they have in this exam is over the UA students participating. Their sports festival is a double edged sword that lets them know all their quirks and strategies and the way they will probably use them. 

But unfortunately Sakiko doesn't want to take advantage of that fact so they have been working on a compromise for both of them. 

Ai smiles as she looks through the notes she made. 

“Sakiko, I think I've figured out an idea for what we can do during the provisional license exam” Her girlfriend looks hesitant for a moment but listens.

“We can use your quirk to gather information from students from other schools we encounter and I'll use my quirk to keep you safe.” She slides her book to the other girl and points to the notes and drawings she made. 

“I'll lead the way for anything we have to do whether that is rescuing or fighting other students or mock villains, my quirk should give us an advantage as long as I can get in close to others and if I can't I'll use another person's quirk to handle it, a single touch should give me a single use of the quirk of anybody I touch so……”

“I don't like it” The blonde girl goes quiet and looks at her girlfriend with confusion.

“Do you not like being in the back, we can move you to the front instead if you….” But then Sakiko takes her hands in her own and looks at her with a pained look in her eyes. She wants to ask what's wrong, but Sakiko speaks first.

“I…..dont like the idea of you eating from others Ai…..” Sakiko bites her tongue and looks away before whispering her next words, ones that tell her Sakiko is jealous of that idea of her taking from anyone else but her. “I…..I think that……. If you eat what my quirk gathers from others you can…. Maybe…. Use the quirk of someone else……. But it……. It would be from me….. Instead of……someone that….. Wasn't me…….” She looks into those dark colored eyes and smiles softly.

She's jealous. 

It makes her happy Sakiko wants to put her quirk to the test for something that might not work at all. 

She nods at her girlfriend's request.

“Okay, I won't eat from others, but we're going to have to work on training our quirks to even see if we can do that, Bulbel” Sakiko nods then pauses.

“Bulbel?” Sakiko’s bobbed hair moves lightly as she tilts her head in confusion. It makes her hum and nod.

“I think it fits you, because you are pretty like the bird and your hair and eyes are just like one.” she decides to add on something else to tease her girlfriend, just a little bit.

“And you're always loud enough to be mistaken for one~” Sakiko’s eyes go wide and she almost chokes on air because of the insinuation of her words. It makes her giggle at her girlfriend as Sakiko nervously clears her throat. 

“Ai…….” The quiet whine she gets makes her just want to eat her up. 

But when she presses her hand down on the table to reach across she feels that numbness again. That empty feeling that she hates so much.

I need to eat again.

Her eyes fall on the beautiful girl that she has a perfect relationship with, one where they both give what the other needs, a mutualistic relationship. One where she doesn't feel like a parasite stealing and hurting someone she cares about. One that actually lets her feel what it's like to be alive, to be human.

It's almost a perfect symbiosis between them and their quirks. Sakiko, a girl overflowing with too much because of her quirk, and her, Ai, one that consumes and devours it all to ease Sakiko's pain and satisfy herself and gain her senses back at the same time.

She bites at her lip because the urge to devour Sakiko is getting stronger again, it makes her feel something similar to hunger. But not for food, for her.

Sakiko.

The girl that made her fall in love with just a single moment.

Her amber-like eyes trace the large embarrassed blush on her lover's cheeks and those round and dark eyes that flitter away nervously because of her heated gaze.

“You….. You want to call me a nickname? Like other couples do?” Sakiko says quietly. Ai nods happily and smiles wide enough to show off her sharp teeth.

“I think it's cuter than your hero name and fits you better” She looks over her girlfriend as she nervously picks at the sleeves covering her palms. She can't help but tease her even more.

“You're really cute Saki-chan.”

That small nickname makes the tips of Sakiko's ears burn red as she thinks deeply about the proposition she gave her. 

Her eyes flick down to her bare hands, ones that remind her Sakiko still hasn't mastered her quirk yet. But at least she's starting to get more comfortable without wearing them. Probably because she has her now to eat away the painful part of her quirk.

She must be nervous, she's picking at her sweater again. But then she notices Sakiko’s eyes keep flicking to the corner of her room and behind her. 

Her quirk is bothering her again.

“Do you need me to use my quirk again? You look like you're in pain, I can ease your pain for you like what we did last night~” She adds that last part in the hopes it lightens her girlfriend's mood. Sakiko shakes her head and looks away with another heavy blush, one that tells her she's still not used to being so close and intimate with someone.

She won't push sakiko if she's not comfortable with something. She doesn't want to hurt the girl that means so much to her.

“N-no I'm fine Ai, unless you need to eat again” Sakiko is quiet for a moment before asking what sounds like a bit of a strange question. Well it would be if she wasn't losing that ability whenever she doesn't devour someone.

“Ai, can you still smell?” Ai nods and pinches her fingers together to tell her girlfriend that she needs to eat again soon, but she's fine for now. 

There is something else she wants to get out of the way first now that the topic has moved away from their plans for the provisional license exam. 

Now it's time for something critical to both their existences going forward. 

Cute couple nicknames!

“I think It would be nice if you came up with a name for me too, Bulbel~” Ai smiles at the girl that is still hesitant to be called that.

When Sakiko nods she grabs one of her notebooks—one scribbled in with a bunch of cute pictures and childish drawings of heroes—from off to the side of the low table and places it down right in front of Sakiko as she puts back her notebook for their strategies for the exam. 

“I made some suggestions for you If you want to look at them” The small smile and loving look in Sakiko’s dark eyes is lovely and makes her heart thump heavily.

It makes her feel antsy and wants to devour her sooner. But neither of them are in a rush. It's not like either of them are going anywhere. They have their whole lives to do things, there's no rush.

“Ai, Does it really count as coming up with my own name for you if I pick it from a list you made?” she giggles before teasingly sticking out her tongue between her sharp teeth. The small and gentle smile she gets back makes her giddy and laugh a little bit.

“Okay, I'll look, Ai” She watches with hesitation as Sakiko hesitantly reaches out to touch the small book with her drawings of birds and heroes across the front. The moment Sakiko’s fingers touch the cover she closes her eyes and lets her quirk activate. There's a soft glow that appears for a brief moment before it soon fades away again. Then her girlfriend picks it up and turns to the right page where she wrote her list of names. 

Though it does give her a question she's been thinking about for a while.

“Sakiko, if you know what's already in the book, why do you need to read it? You could study a lot faster if you used your quirk on our text books” The brown haired girl thinks for a moment before flipping the page of names and becomes surprised when there's another page.

That also makes her curious that even though she already knew that Sakiko still had that reaction.

“It…. It feels better and easier to handle the information and enjoy it if I read it myself, I don't like using my quirk for stuff I want to experience myself because it makes me feel awful when too much information fills my head” Sakiko is even more surprised at the third page.

“If I just use my quirk, all of it just looks like a………jumbled mess I don't understand, like looking at a bowl of……. No, it's…….um...... like flipping  through the pages of a dictionary in a language I don't know” Ai recalls some of the memories she got from devouring Sakiko over the last month.

Ones where she learned Sakiko likes to watch other people do things like play games and watch movies instead of herself because she would always know everything about anything she touches. 

She would know every twist and ending to anything she touched if she tried to do them herself.

It makes her feel sorrow for her girlfriend. That sounds like it would drive anyone insane. It reminds her of her own quirk and the way she loses her senses. She's had to live most of her life without her ability to smell, taste, touch, feel temperature, or pain.

It makes her think back to when she actually could feel those freely. The day sakiko filled her whole life with color.

Ai grimaces at the reminder that sakiko’s quirk was getting stronger for a while before they met, to the point even coming into contact with anything would cause her pain. Luckily the training they've been doing together for both of their quirks seems to have helped and made both of their problems stop, at least for now. 

Ai gets up and goes to the other side of the table and wraps herself tight around her girlfriend's arm as she reads. 

I don't want to think about that anymore.

“You okay Ai?”

She nods and the sound of paper flipping continues as Sakiko goes through the list of cute names she came up with. It makes this moment feel peaceful, she doesn't want it to end.

I don't want to go back to before we met.

She decides to take this moment to distract herself and remember the names she wrote that will let them both match together.

She picked a bunch of birds. Probably because of both of their last names.

There's Kurasu.

Kujaku.

Kokancho.

*Sniff*

Sakiko takes a deep breath of something she can't smell.

It makes her feel hurt because she's lost her sense of smell again.

“I think your mom is almost done, Ai” but then Sakiko’s voice becomes filled with concern when she looks at her and sees her try and fail to smell “Can you smell Ai?”  She shakes her head and curls further into her lover. 

“No, I can't smell, it's just emptiness again” Her words are melancholic and sad.

“You can feed off of me Ai, it's okay. You can take as much as you want this time, I don't want you to lose your senses again” Sakiko says those words with a soft but pleading smile.

She's so cute. She thinks to herself.

Ai closes her eyes and pulls Sakiko into a kiss. Then she lets her quirk connect with Sakiko. An energy begins to ebb out of her body and grip onto her girlfriend, but in a soft and caring way. One that is slow and careful because she doesn't want to hurt Sakiko or take too much from her.

She begins to devour everything that hurts her love because of her quirk as they kiss, and with every part of her she consumes the tension Sakiko is carrying disappears, and lets her own senses return again.

With every piece she takes the smell of her mother's cooking coming from down stairs gets stronger and makes her mouth fill with saliva, her sense of taste that has been growing dimmer ever since they first kissed today begins to return as well. She almost cries because she can finally feel all of sakiko’s warmth against her skin again.

Tears fill her eyes because sakiko can give her so much just by touching her, kissing her, holding her, loving her. It makes that hunger and emptiness she was born with fade to nothing. 

She can actually feel, touch, taste, smell and enjoy things now, and it's all thanks to Sakiko. She can finally live peacefully as long as Sakiko is with her, and lets her feed.

I hope Sakiko feels the same way, that what we have is the greatest thing in the world.

The memory of how Sakiko filled her empty and blank world with so many colors and new flavors and unique smells burns lovingly in her chest. 

I don't want to ever lose this, I don't want to ever lose her. 

When she finally feels satiated Ai lets her quirk fade, and lets herself pull away to gaze into those eyes burning with want for her. The way heat presses back into herself because of the way she touches her lovers skin is perfect, it makes her want to devour Sakiko in other ways too.

“Thank you, you're such a good and beautiful bird for me~"