Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bucky wasn’t sure what the hell was going on, but he was on a superhero team. It wasn’t exactly the original Avengers level but they were scrappy, which was important enough to save the day. It helped that their first major threat got solved through the power of friendship of all things, and they even managed to befriend him. Which after a disaster of that scale, was probably the best case scenario. Being perceived as someone associated with Valentina has been pretty rough, especially since he was considered one of the biggest names against her in the very public impeachment case. (Something he wished wasn’t so public, he truly believed matters like that need to be handled behind closed doors purely so people don’t get spooked and literally burn evidence but hey- people don’t listen to him like that he wasn’t about to create that much of a fuss.) All of this aside, he knew he had to keep trying to find something, anything that can be brought against Valentina in court. Evidence so damning that not even she can burn it or disregard it. Also, something that could let Bob stay with them since even he was getting fond of the quirky Florida man who just so happens to have god-like power. This was the plan, but something went very wrong and even gross, if Bucky were to be honest about it. Valentina had been collecting a lot of things she shouldn’t in a remote lab in some abandoned building’s basement in Staten Island. So, that’s where he went. Unfortunately, something very odd happened to his one piece of evidence that was intact and now his life was much worse because of it. He went to sleep knowing something called a “symbiote” was safely stored away in a locked container on his counter, but woke up with it suddenly not in the container at all, the glass shattered. It didn’t help that he suddenly felt much more different than he did before he fell asleep. But he figured since nothing else happened, he could regard it as a loss and try again some other time. 

(Besides, the thing grossed him out enough that he figured he’d be better off without it constantly being in his apartment before he could get past the red tape that it’s even considered to be evidence against Valentina, let alone anything gets done with it. But if this starts actually working out, god as his witness he is going to write the goddamn packet of reports and whatnot himself.) 

Bucky decided to take his day off to visit the tower, see how everyone’s adjusting since most of them decided to take advantage of Valentina making it an open option as a living space. Alexei was the first one to move his stuff into one of the rooms, which was not hard considering with the super serum, he’s a one man moving crew. The moment he enters, things are already happening. Bob is buckled over laughing, and Walker’s hair is dyed red which tells him they’ve already resorted to petty pranks. In hindsight, the red wasn’t a bad look on Walker. It was a dark enough red that he could probably live with it, but he wasn’t about to try and make that argument when he was still fuming about everything. Ava was smugly sitting on the couch, potentially indicating she was the actual person who dyed John’s hair, but Bob was the loudest so of course that’s who John was going to be the most mad at. He smelled spaghetti from the kitchen, the one dish Alexei is proud to make, so he assumed he and Yelena were assisting each other in the kitchen. (Ever the sentimental man, Alexei preferred whenever he got father-daughter time making dinner, and since he was genuinely wanting to be better, Yelena usually would humor him.) Eventually, after silently leaning against the wall he’s noticed. Of course, this was only after John stormed off and Bob was finally able to collect himself, wiping away tears from laughing so hard. 

“Come to check on the unruly children?” Bucky has long since gotten used to Ava suddenly appearing next to him and only making her presence known by speaking. It annoyed her at first, but she eventually let herself be satisfied with only startling the others. He gives Bob a polite wave before turning his attention to Ava, arms crossed.

“I’m guessing that red hair dye is semi-permanent from the various cursing I’m hearing in the distance.” Bucky doesn’t waste time, but he does lean on the wall behind him, feeling oddly off kilter which is extremely rare considering the impenetrable immune system the serum gave him. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t ignore but it wasn’t exactly noteworthy if he finds himself with a slight headache after being mostly impenetrable. 

“And if it was?” Ava’s coyness usually was endearing, but Bucky felt so odd that it didn’t exactly come off that way. He groans into his hands, and turns to Bob, who was now just picking up after the others in the living room. Despite being such a wild card on paper, Bob really is one of the most tidy people living in the tower. 

“Just- don’t start anything I’ll need to get involved in later.” Bucky gives her a brief nod before going to check on the duo in the kitchen but he feels himself stop and grabs a tall smart water and manages to down it almost immediately, crushing the bottle in his hand before chucking it in a nearby trash can. He ignored how worried Ava and Bob looked, because sure, downing that much water at once wasn’t exactly the behavior of a man doing well. It’s a good thing Bucky isn’t exactly the type to have one thing off about himself and think, “I should be worried,” or, “I need to talk to my doctor.” That was for normal people. But he does feel a little self-conscious when both Alexei and Yelena turn away from the stove, pausing their conversation just to stare at him in concern. Of course, the silence doesn’t last.

“You look like shit.” Bucky was distracted by Yelena’s blunt honesty that he didn’t notice Alexei rushing to grab a chair, but he does notice when he’s suddenly being shoved to sit down. 

“Oh no, my stoic white fox, did you catch rabies out there-” Bucky didn’t let Alexei finish that sentence.

“Rabies was serious back in my day, don’t joke.” He also pretends not to hear Yelena laughing at that. The laughter does die down the moment Bucky starts to actually feel himself sweating despite it actually being cold in the tower. He was also getting a wicked headache that felt like it was coming from nowhere. Bucky flinches away from a sudden hand on his forehead, it’s Alexei.

“... I did not know super soldiers could run fevers, my friend. What is the issue?” The usually loud Russian sounded so worried that his voice was actually soft for once. It made Bucky’s skin crawl in a way he wasn’t sure was literal or in his own head. Nevertheless, he was hoping this would pass, and he could just laugh about the time he visited the tower with the common cold. Sadly, it doesn’t and all he can muster in reply is a pitiful groan as he flinches at the kitchen lights suddenly being much too bright for his tastes.

“Alright, fess up. Something is clearly wrong with you, and it’s getting worse. What happened? What did you do? Did someone do this to you? ” Yelena is dead serious now, crouched next to him and suddenly Bucky feels overwhelmed. There were too many people around him, and he was much too hungry to even think. So, naturally, like any functional and well-adjusted human being he stood up to get himself some food.

“You two are being dramatic, I just forgot to eat something today, which is basically a death sentence for a super soldier. A small snack is all I need before dinner, since I am going to stick around to eat that spaghetti you two made. It’s not that big of a deal, I won’t ruin my appetite-” Bucky tries to ignore that his speech was most definitely slurring now, but he assumed it was just another symptom of his cold which may or may not be the flu. Can super soldiers even get COVID? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. All he wanted to do was open up something in the fridge that at the moment looked really good. Suddenly, Yelena is snatching the food out of his hands and Alexei is picking him up from the ground like he was scruffing a small baby kitten. 

“YOU ARE NOT EATING RAW MEAT MISTER BARNES. BED REST UNTIL DOCTORS CAN SEE YOU. NOW.” Alexei can be quite stern when he wants to be, and Bucky sure didn’t have the strength to fight back but he sure wanted to argue because he didn’t realize the delicious snack he picked up was fucking raw ground beef . He doesn’t even register growling at them, but it suddenly warrants him being tied to the goddamn bed. Worst part is the binds are super soldier strong, seeing that they are more than capable of keeping him in one place. That doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it by any means, no. He can feel himself getting more and more restless, louder even though he doesn’t mean to be. He’s also confused as to why they didn’t let him eat the ground beef which in hindsight, should’ve told Bucky something was seriously wrong in itself.

“Untie me from this fucking bed I swear to everything holy Alexei, I will break out myself and make you regret ever meeting me! Yelena! Get back here!” Bucky found himself yelling until he couldn’t, too distracted by how hungry and uncomfortable he suddenly felt. Soon, John enters the room looking more nervous than he’s ever been and that’s saying something. The red hair was dry, and didn’t look too bad on him. In hindsight, John should just be grateful they didn’t pick some god awful color like neon green.

“... So you’ve caught some super soldier zombie virus I’m guessing?” John actually sounded half serious despite this being his little attempt at lightening the mood. In any other circumstance, Bucky would’ve rolled his eyes at the awkwardness. Luckily, he was able to calm himself down enough to actually have a civil conversation with John that wasn’t just the growling from earlier. 

“... Zombies aren’t real so no, that is not what I have. It’s-” 

Bucky sighs.

“I don’t know what it is. But I know I’m not turning into some goddamn zombie.” Bucky’s glare got even stronger the more unconvinced John looked at what was supposed to be reassuring. 

“Just because there’s a sorcerer named Doctor Strange, and Wanda can do what she can do does it mean I’m suddenly infected with a zombie virus. Be serious about this Walker.” Bucky can feel the fever making him both cold and hot at the same time, which was a very unpleasant combination for how sweaty he was. Traits that were not helpful in convincing John this absolutely wasn’t zombie related.

“... You tried to eat ground beef raw, which last time I checked, normal people don’t do but hey, who am I to knock some weird new diet you’re trying. Which, from the looks of it, isn’t working. Also, I’m pretty sure growling the way you did is even weird for a super soldier of your caliber.” If Bucky were more coherent he would’ve sniffed out that John was stalling but he was so out of it the half-baked attempt was enough to keep his attention in one place. 

“... I think I’m having a slight health crisis, but I’m not quite sure what it is. That’s all I know, promise.” Bucky admits, but it doesn’t look nearly enough for John to not be standing in the most upright tense position as far away from the bed as he can humanly be in a room of this size. So, he figured that maybe offering more information might give him a little more freedom. 

“... Look. I might have stolen something dangerous from Valentina’s storage labs. It was called a symbiote, and I wanted to use it as proof she’s involved in some undeniable shady shit to free us from her- well, everything. It was in a secured glass container straight from the lab before I went to sleep but when I woke up, it was gone. The glass was broken-” Bucky did not expect to get interrupted quite as loudly as he did.

“Bucky. Oh my fucking god. I- I read about those things. Symbiotes die without a host outside of containment so if you didn’t find its corpse in your apartment, that means it might be in you right now. You have a fucking parasite-” Bucky can’t help but visibly flinch when John’s voice is suddenly overlapped by another that he was so sure Walker couldn’t hear. 

“I am not a damn parasite. Tell him I am much, much more. What a rude, gross little flesh sack you have decided to befriend.” John finds himself panicking purely based on the expression Bucky suddenly made, which said a lot considering only one person could actually hear what was being said. 

“I- It says it’s not some parasite. I can hear it talking to me, and from what I can tell it already doesn’t like you.” Bucky meekly admits, and John looks two seconds away from picking up cigarettes. 

“... So you’ve got a symbiote that speaks to you in your head, something that let us not forget tried to make you eat raw ground beef. And now it’s just telling you things, and what’s even worse is this thing is sentient enough to be offended. You know, I wanted to actually have hope for once, believe you don’t have the most shit luck known to man. But I’m starting to see that you’re always being dealt the most shit hand at any given time. God, what are we going to do with you now? I mean, you aren’t something that needs to be handled. This is just a lot. Can we even remove it from your body without hurting you, is that something I can even Google without being put on every single watch list-” John was spiraling, that much was obvious but what confused Bucky the most was why in the world are they alone? Where were the others? Luckily, John answers this without him needing to ask.

“The others are scoping your apartment out to see what is making you like this. I guess I should call them back, considering it’s an open and closed case.” John’s attention is diverted to his phone, when Bucky feels the weirdest sensation in his arms and suddenly black tendrils are freeing him from the binds to the bed. John looks up just in time to see them as Bucky now has free reign to move around again. Before anyone could speak, Bucky felt the same gross feeling but it was much stronger, and on his back. The next thing either of them knew, a sudden and very long tendril appeared from his back, and it eventually forms a face with the absolute most terrifying eyes and teeth. 

“.... John Walker. We finally meet face to face. I can assure you, I am no parasite. You will refer to me from here on as Venom, you get me? I have finally gotten a super soldier as a host body, and you will not ruin that for me.”

Venom then retreats back into Bucky’s body after showcasing just how long and gross his tongue was. When he was gone, both super soldiers let out the breath they were holding. But it did tell us one thing. Removing this symbiote from my body wasn’t going to be as simple as we probably wanted it to be. Also, since it knows John’s name then they can only assume that it knows everything Bucky knows, which can only be a recipe for future disasters. 

‘.... I thought that I finally had control over my body, for the first time I was actually making choices for myself. I guess it couldn’t last forever, I was always meant to be under someone’s thumb-” Before Bucky could continue his self-deprecating spiral, or John could interrupt, Venom suddenly spoke up.

“I do not wish to control you, James. I mean no ill will, because if you get rid of me, I will die. I am not that stupid, nor am I cruel. HYDRA was a bunch of morons, luckily for you I am not so devious. All I ask is to fight with you as a partner, and eat some good food along the way. We can have fun Bucky, all you have to do is trust me.”

To give John credit, he did patiently wait as long as he could guess as Bucky sits and listens to Venom speaking before asking any question. 

“... He say anything controlling or manipulative?” John looked nervous, constantly crossing and uncrossing his arms like he wasn’t even sure what to do with his arms at all. 

“... I don’t know. Venom was trying to tell me that we could be partners. He doesn’t want to control me, or at least that’s what he’s saying. I don’t know. All he wants is good food and to fight by my side, whatever that means. But from what he’s told me, he means no ill will. Whether or not this is true or not, only time can tell. I don’t know if I should feel better about things because he said what he said.” Bucky runs his hand through his hair, groaning. 

“... We’re going to help you get through this Bucky. You aren’t alone but- I have to address the elephant in the room. We’re going to have to call Sam and tell him this is going on. It’s inevitable, don’t look at me like that. This could get so out of hand the moment Venom decides he wants it to. So, it’s best that he knows before shit hits the fan and he’s forced to play catch up.” Walker suddenly gaining emotional intelligence was a blessing and a curse if Bucky was being completely honest, but the man wasn’t wrong. 

“... He won’t believe me over the phone. We’re gonna have to invite him over, and luckily Alexei and Yelena just made spaghetti. Why not get this awkward conversation over with now? Y’know, before Venom starts plotting and scheming to use my body for things.” Bucky groans, not feeling optimistic in the slightest for how the dinner was going to go already. Luckily, John doesn’t comment and only goes to leave the room so he can send Sam the official invite to a spaghetti dinner that most certainly is going to end in about six arguments, minimum. 

Bucky just hoped Venom would at least let him take a shower in peace. No use looking like the wet rat he feels like he is during the spaghetti dinner.

Chapter Text

John wasn’t one of those people who’d get confused when his life got weird, seeing it as some weird penance for all the terrible shit he’s either purposefully or accidentally introduced into the world. He just didn’t think the terrible shit would be happening to the people around him, but it certainly didn’t feel good. Bucky being infected with this symbiote after he’s spent more than seventy years under the control of monsters? It doesn’t feel good that there isn’t much he can do to help. 

So, he decided to call the one person who’d probably want to know that Bucky is going through something medically, recent arguments be damned. This could get serious fast, and he didn’t want to hear any well, why didn’t you call me about this sooner? Getting him up to speed now would save them a lot of grief later and make sure Sam didn’t find out another big development in Bucky’s life from the news.

“Wilson speaking. Is this who I think it is?” 

John was a little offended, Sam didn’t have his number saved, but luckily this wasn’t a personal call. He’d get upset about it later. Besides- he knew from the very moment he and Sam met that there wouldn’t be anything more than co-workers and he’s long made peace with it. He even took a slightly sick satisfaction when Sam and Bucky had their fallout, something he immediately felt bad for. John never likes how toxic he can get, it just steadily creeps up on him when he’s caught up in dwelling on everything wrong with his life.

(Something he’s working on with his therapist, at least on the days he feels vulnerable enough to actually be honest with her.)

“Friends usually have friends saved in their contacts, but that’s beside the point. I’m calling about Bucky, there’s something wrong with him.” John sighs, running his hand through his hair as he’s reminded of the reality of the situation. 

“... Is it serious? Terminal? Has he seen a doctor yet? Can he even see a normal doctor?” Sam sounded scared, like this wasn’t something he even thought was possible, and was already preparing himself for the worst-case scenario. John wasn’t sure if Bucky being infected with a symbiote was terminal or not, but from the looks of everything he’s not dying. Hopefully, he stays that way. 

“He’s infected with something he tried to use against Valentina. It’s not something you’ll believe if I told you over the phone. So, I’d get here as soon as you can. He’s not dying, but it did a number on him. Luckily, it looks like the serum is helping him recover. For reference, he tried eating raw meat and we had to handcuff him to a bed so he wouldn’t try it again. But you guessed correctly, he probably won’t be able to see a regular doctor without them freaking out. This is unlike anything I’ve seen before, and I can guarantee it’ll be unlike anything they’ve ever seen.” 

John stays honest, knowing Sam deserves nothing but the truth here. There was a silence at the other end of the call, understandable. This was a lot to take in, until-

“I have to bring Joaquín, if that’s okay. We just got back from a nearby press conference and were on our way back to the compound. But since this seems dire, we’ll be there soon. Be prepared for us to be overdressed, apparently the press expects the new Captain America to have a nice suit for interviews.” 

Sam may be joking, but John can hear a deep concern there. Despite the disagreements he and Bucky are having about team names, they were too close to make that the deciding factor on whether they still care about each other. 

“We’re having a spaghetti dinner night; it was Alexei’s idea. Apparently, us all having dinner together will build team morale. Plus, we’re confident getting Bucky to eat cooked food will get his health back up. So, I guess it was good that he suddenly decided to cook for everyone.”

John sighs, feeling both relieved and stressed out that Sam was coming so soon. Sure, he could get the explanation out of the way, but he wasn’t sure where they stood. Luckily, he’s got the unfortunate buffer of this not being about him in the slightest, so at least there won’t be that awkwardness. His red hair was going to be the topic of conversation, but at least it wasn’t his tainted reputation. 

So, in a way, John was slightly happy that he got pranked. At least this way whenever people talk about him, it’d be for something surface level instead of a comment that threatens to drown him in an extensive doomscrolling session. The red hair doesn’t even look terrible, so he’s almost glad it happened. He would’ve never thought to dye his hair, let alone get the confidence to do it. So, this was a welcome change, allowing strangeness to happen to him and not blowing up in anger like he usually would’ve.

It still felt weird, having such bright hair and not having the typical meltdown he would’ve had if this happened during his Captain America run. Maybe it’s therapy, or the fact that other people have much worse things happening to them right now. Whatever it was, John was more than happy to not be the forefront of everyone’s conversations. At least John can busy himself with whatever’s happening to other people to avoid facing just how stagnant and cold he’s gotten despite the second chance he’s gotten with this team.

“Spaghetti dinner? We might take you up on that. See you in a bit, Walker.” Sam hangs up, and John goes to check on Bucky, but sees him freshly showered in the living room getting tended to by Yelena and Ava. Both women were helping him with his hair as Bob gave them the supplies they needed in real time, so they could stay focused and not need to get up for a hair product. Alexei has taken to setting up the table for dinner alone, apparently it was due to an agreement he had with Yelena. 

He's put her through enough, so asking her to do anything resembling chores was just overkill. Alexei isn't her real dad by any stretch of the imagination, so treating her like a kid wasn't going to fix anything. So, Yelena could instead spend the time helping Ava do Bucky's hair. It wasn't a style that would take long, which means they'd all be ready for the spaghetti dinner soon. Bucky seemed to be doing a lot better, but John can't help but remember what Venom said to him. Seeing that creature in person, it was a lot. It certainly doesn't help that he's the only one who knows, the others weren't there. They don't know just how serious everything is, and he wasn't excited to explain. 

The spaghetti dinner went fine, everyone amicably talking to each other in a more casual way than John ever expected them to. Alexei took off to his local bar to “pick up chicks,” which was code for him going to his support group for previously absent fathers. It was something the team all knew about but decided to leave him to it without making any comment. Yelena helps Bob with the dishes as John decides to distract himself, he’ll give Joaquín a tour of the tower as Sam and Bucky have their talk. Ava left the tower to visit Scott and his family, having promised that she would show up every now and then when she had the time.

“So, you’ve got something in your body because you tried going behind the scenes for shit against Valentina.”

Sam sighs, more worried than frustrated. He hasn’t talked to Bucky in a while thinking the other man was a lot closer to Valentina than he was comfortable associating with, yet here Bucky was infected with something serious trying to take her down. It makes him feel a little bad for cutting ties so quickly before finding out everything there was to know about that shadow situation over New York. Then again, it wasn’t like Bucky made himself available for opening up about the truth of it all. So, it was safe to say both were stubborn in their own way.

“Apparently, it’s an alien, a symbiote. It calls itself Venom and yes, it can speak to me and other people.  It showed itself out of my body and talked to John which did not feel good. I’m scared it’ll make itself known when I’m talking to you, if I’m being honest.”

Bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair. Sam felt his heart clench, not liking how serious all of this was sounding. Hearing another voice in one’s head sounds like hell, especially with Bucky’s history of being controlled by others.

“Buck- that sounds serious. Frightening, even. If you need anything from me, my gripes with Valentina aside, just say the word. I’ll be there. I know I want to be a stickler about the Avengers name, but we can worry about that later. Hell, I’m hashing that shit out with Valentina more than I am with you. The beef was never between us, god I’m not letting some lawsuit break what we’ve built for years.”

Sam was dead serious, making Bucky feel more reasons why the other man truly deserves to be the head of the Avengers. Stern, righteous but understanding of circumstances. Being able to put up with the pure nonsense that having the shield requires, especially when he didn’t even ask for it. Steve suddenly decided to make his retirement everyone else’s problem, including Sam’s. Sure, it made Sam nervous who Bucky decided to team up with, but he knew there was a lot more nuance to this than he currently knew about. So, he was going to give grace to this despite all of his doubts.

“… Sam, you’re better to me than I deserve. I’ve been putting you through immense bullshit and yet you’re so nice to me. Or at least you tolerate me. I just wish I was a better friend and checked in on you instead of shutting the world out when I feel bad. You deserve better Sam-“

“I probably do, who knows. But that wouldn’t be what I want. People are funny, we love wanting things that aren’t the best for us. It’s human nature. I’m okay with being your friend, even if it drives me up the wall just being around you sometimes. But that’s just how we are together Buck, and I wouldn’t want us any other way.”

Sam laughs, smiling at Bucky in that soft way he usually does, so full of knowledge and forgiveness that Bucky doesn’t feel worthy of seeing it. Luckily, he’s been seeing a much better therapist who reminds him regularly it’s not about deserving love and kindness but letting himself receive what someone is willing to give him. Constantly pushing away the love other people give isn’t the best way to make it stay, so despite having Venom (who’s been oddly quiet) he wants to keep what he has with Sam. They settle into a comfortable conversation, not ignoring the elephant in the room but they let it lie.

Bucky lets Venom decide whether or not to join their little chat, now a little unnerved how quiet the symboite was being. Of course, this was the moment Venom decides to chime in and cut Sam off mid-sentence.

“Sam Wilson, the man James thinks about more than he’d admit to his therapist. You are an enigma, yet don’t cower in fear from my true face. Good, the shield does warrant this courage.”

Bucky doesn’t think he’ll get comfortable with Venom emerging from his body like that- especially when he can’t predict what the alien is going to say. To have such unpredictability connected to his body is nearing the uncomfortable feeling he always got when he felt the Winter Soldier creeping back in his mind before Wakanda. Something he couldn’t control that was so interlinked in his body because of forces he couldn’t control.

“I am Venom, the symboite that is going to bring Bucky out of many battles that would kill him without me. You are welcome.”

And with that, Venom is gone, most likely pleased with how he ruined the peace of the moment. At least, that’s what Bucky is telling himself so he can feel at least a little bit of control over the alien. Trying to understand how he thinks is a good start to reclaiming control over his body, something Bucky didn’t think he needed to do after all of the gracious help he received in Wakanda. But here he was, suddenly afraid of something that’s in his body that has the audacity to thank itself for bringing him out of dangerous situations that haven’t even happened yet.

“… You didn’t tell me the thing has an ego.”

Sam sounds a mix of confused and slightly alarmed; a reaction Bucky couldn’t blame him for. Venom just invokes those emotions in people, especially upon first meeting him. But it was also clear Sam’s also deeply concerned, such a strong personality is inhibiting Bucky’s body, knowing that they’d probably clash in conversations no one else can hear. The last thing that Bucky needs is for people to think he hears voices, the public already has a sketchy view of him and his mind. This really isn’t going to help things, but there was one thing both Sam and Bucky agree on without even needing to say it.

Valentina really can’t find out about this, she’s unbearable enough without this juicy of blackmail to hold above Bucky’s head.

“… It’s even worse when he talks to me mentally. I hate having to hear such a dark voice in my head. I guess that’s one mercy I had when I was the Winter Soldier. I didn’t hear voices that told me to do half of the shit Venom has. I’ll save you the gory details, but it’s not pretty what he wants. There’s something genuinely wrong with Venom, and I don’t want that to start rubbing off on me because he’s in my head.”

Bucky sounds exhausted, but he’s making a good effort not to show it too much in front of Sam. He’s never wanted to make his friend into his second therapist, even if he is lending an ear. It just never felt right putting all his grievances on someone else just because they seem like the more stable person. Bucky knows Sam’s got his own shit he deals with daily and wishes he didn’t have Venom clouding his mind and body so he could be a shoulder to cry on in return for all the times Sam’s been his.

“You won’t. Your ass is too stubborn to change just because an alien invaded your body. Didn’t it take Hydra twenty years to fully break you? That means something Bucky. You’re a lot stronger than you think.”

Sam’s confidence in him brings Bucky the confidence to put all of his shit aside and see if he needs to be the shoulder to cry on this time.

“This is all nice, but I must know, is Samuel Wilson doing alright? I can’t just be accepting all the good tiding and feelings from you. I don’t want you pouring from an empty cup on me Wilson.”

Bucky tries to be playful with it but can’t help but include his real concern. He knows this might get brushed off, but just asking will plant the seed that this doesn’t always have to be a one-sided therapy session between them. They’re friends, this is supposed to be a two-way street.

“Did Venom make you go soft?”

Sam laughs, but it’s awkward. It’s like he wasn’t even confident in the joke, which oddly enough tells Bucky everything he needs to know.

“But you’re right- I can’t just keep helping you to ignore my own shit. But not to get too deep into anything, I’ve just been letting myself dwell on the fact that I don’t have the serum. I know- it’s terrible and we’ve both seen it ruin someone’s life. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking that I’d be different- “

“You would be, but that’s not the point. Sorry to cut you off there Cap, but I just had to. The best part about you having the shield is that you get by without the shield. You’ve shown time and time again that you can hold your own, but I get it. Believe it or not, I do. Now after my first round of the serum, something I didn’t know was in me before I survived the fall, I envied Steve. It was bad. He was suddenly someone I didn’t need to protect and I couldn’t handle that. No asthma, no weak immune system, and most importantly he could finish his own fights. I didn’t recognize him anymore and that hurt. I wanted so badly to get the serum he had so I can go back to protecting him not realizing that it’d ruin my life.

But the moral of the story is, you’re allowed to want. It’s normal. The serum wouldn’t be constantly remade if it didn’t have its allure. Why do you think the government did terrible shit to good people just for their blood? The serum. It either amplifies good people or makes terrible people so bad their faces fall off. John’s improving on himself but still- the serum didn’t do him any good. But I know for a fact if you got serious and took it, even if it was behind my back, I do think you’d handle it well.”

Sam didn’t know what to say, the last thing he expected was such a good vouch from Bucky of all people. Especially on a hot button topic like the serum, something they’ve talked about before to much different results. Time must really change people, which is weird since Sam figured after the time they spent with Zemo that Bucky would have a stricter view of the serum. Guess he didn’t take as many notes from the other man after all, which is good considering how morally grey Zemo let himself be most of the time.

“… So you really think I could handle the serum?”

“Of course. You’re one of the best people I know. All it does is amplify traits a person already has, which is why John taking it was so risky considering he already was in a vulnerable mindset. But you- Sam you’re good. You’re a good man, and the serum would only make you better. If you made the choice to take it, damn it I’d stand behind you even if the world would want to judge. Unfortunately, they’ll never be truly happy with you even if that’s bullshit. But they won’t. They will always find fault in whatever you do, so I really think this is a damned if you do, and damned if you don’t kind of thing. They scream that anyone holding the shield needs the serum despite what it did to John, but they’d destroy you for the same thing if you took it.

But you know me better than anyone, I couldn’t care less what people think. It was you who stopped me from doomscrolling and caring too deeply about what people thought. I saved myself so much grief because you talked me into building myself a nightstand instead of scrolling on my phone until I inevitably stayed up all night or went to bed later than I needed to.”

Bucky feels himself being more honest than he usually is, knowing it’s what Sam needs to hear. He gently holds one of Sam’s hands with both of his. He doesn’t hesitate with his left hand this time, finally getting to the point in his life that it doesn’t feel like a weapon attached to him. They’re sitting so close yet so far in Bucky’s room, a privacy they wouldn’t have anywhere else considering the tour that John is giving Joaquín is still happening.

Sam looks more vulnerable than he has in a while, which tells Bucky he’s doing something right. He feels this weird sense of relief seeing Sam finally open up, having been the one letting old wounds bleed and not ever considering that Sam might also have similar scars.

“I’ve been really considering it Buck.”

Bucky hates that there was a moment in time he didn’t let Sam call him that.

“Hell, I’ve been wanting it. I know you told me I’m doing fine without it, especially after Joaquín’s accident. But I feel hopeless, even if you told me there were people Steve couldn’t save.”

Sam groans, rubbing his hands over his face. This clearly was weighing on him.

“I used to be someone Steve couldn’t save. You were there, and I wouldn’t blame you if you tried talking Steve out of trying to save me. I was too far gone back then, or at least that’s what I thought. The point is- Steve had the original serum. The shit that started it all, the replica game that still goes on to this day. But even he couldn’t do it all, and neither can I. John and Alexei’s lives are much different because what runs through their veins, they chose it but don’t enjoy what it did to them most of the time. And Bob- I don’t even want to get into that. As much as I want to support you and not care if you took the serum, I really don’t want you to get what he got. It’s not pretty. It’s intense and I highly doubt that we’ll get a full grasp of what he can do anytime soon.”

Bucky sighs, subconsciously holding Sam’s hand tighter as he tries not to think of him ruined by a bad batch of the serum.

“… That bad huh? I mean I knew it wasn’t good considering the darkness over the city thing, but I never knew there was more to it. All of this was because of the serum, huh? Or at least one of the many strains. Maybe you’re right, it might be too risky at this point. I don’t want to risk getting lucky like John did when I can end up a literal shadow.”

Sam wanted to joke about it, but he ended up being more serious than he wanted to be. He’s never mentally made the connection before now, but it made sense. Sam always thought that Bob was a mutant when he read the small intel he got on his powers. But if they were all from one serum, then it might not actually be worth the dangerous search for a vial for himself if this was one of the symptoms.

“I don’t want to see you turning into anything but a better version of yourself. Which I get to see every day you improve and show people that the serum isn’t a requirement when holding the shield. You amaze me in a way I don’t think you’d ever believe if I told you. I think the world of you Sam, but like I said before I do get where you’re coming from. I think that might’ve been what brought John to the serum now that I’m thinking about it.”

As Bucky spoke, Sam felt a weight coming off his shoulders. They were finally talking about the elephant in the room. The damn serum. Something he both wanted and hated with everything in him for what it did to people. He had meant it when he told Zemo he’d turn the serum down, but that doesn’t mean he never thought about it. Thinking about it and accepting it when it’s offered are two different things. Besides- Sam didn’t plan on taking any moral advice from someone like Zemo despite how helpful and occasionally pleasant he was.

“It’s crazy how close we are, especially considering how I tried to talk Steve out of saving you.”

Sam didn’t expect to tear up at that, almost in fear of a world where Steve listened to him. Bucky just wraps an arm around his shoulder and brings him in for a much needed side hug.

“I said you weren’t going to give him a choice, that you were someone to stop and not save. All I could see was the guy who wanted to kill me on the bridge, and all he saw was the guy he grew up with.”

Sam groans into his hands, hating how he was still crying.

“I wouldn’t feel too bad. The guy left like we didn’t have that connection. So, I wouldn’t put Steve on any pedestal. I did- and I really regret it.”

Bucky felt himself tearing up, but he’s mad at himself for ever relying on the man he helped growing up. The serum really made him so independent  that he didn’t need his protector anymore, especially in the state Hydra left him. They no longer were till the end of the line, Steve made that promise to a much more stable man.

“… I fucking hate Steve too. He left me the shield and didn’t tell me a damn thing on how to use it. One training session, that’s all I wanted. But no, he just had to go back to Peggy then and there. I know we weren’t close like you were, but I thought we were friends. I thought we had something. I went into hiding so many times for that man, hell, I let myself get arrested in the damn Raft and what did he do? He just left me to carry his legacy without an ounce of guidance. So fuck him, I’m going to be the Captain America I want to be. What the fuck is he gonna do about it? Nothing!”

They’re both full on sobbing over a man who wasn’t alive to hear it anymore. All angry tears that they ever trusted him enough to stay. But in a way it was cathartic to Sam, finally acknowledging his own hatred for the way Steve just up and left. He never thought he deserved anger, that it was only reserved for Bucky. This was an eye opener, a realization that he was also dropped like an abandoned toy. They were all abandoned, all because Steve thought he could get a happy ever after somewhere else.

Sam didn’t even get this good of a breakthrough with his therapist, but that’s just what happened when he and Bucky got to talk about their feelings. They suddenly get a lot more out than their respective therapists could ever reach. Always more honest with each other than when they were the one person who they literally pay to listen to their real feelings.

When they both finally calm down, a weight is lifted off both their shoulders. The truth was out, neither of them were happy with how Steve left things but he’s not around for them to yell at. This was the second-best thing that didn’t have to deal with them fucking around with a time machine they have no business messing around with anyway.

“Fuck Steve Rogers.”

Sam feels free saying it as he takes Bucky by the collar of his shirt.

“…. Can I kiss you?”

“I’d be mad if you didn’t. Especially if you say something so sexy.”

Bucky is only half joking, but it’s good enough to get a laugh out of Sam before they’re knee deep in making out with each other. Neither man expected a symbiote reveal would turn into them hating on Steve Rogers and making out right after. The crying was weirdly expected, especially with something so intense and health related. Everything else was out of left field, but Sam and Bucky weren’t going to complain. Meanwhile, Joaquín and John are having their run through of the tower as John realizes there’s still so much of this place he doesn’t know about.

“I’ve never had a tour guide I felt I needed to help through the tour.”

Joaquín jokes, something John hates that he laughs at.

“Well- I guess this is why they make specialists tour guides. Even my MIT degree isn’t going to help me here.”

John sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“But at least I showed you the basics. The gym, where people’s rooms are, what floors we can go to, and where our mission room is. A lot of floors are under construction or just off limits because we all agreed on it because they belonged to the original team. Only Bucky and Yelena are really allowed to those floors for obvious reasons. The first Hawkeye even came for one of the rooms one day, that was interesting. Anyway- what do you want to do?”

John has to near physically stop himself from rambling as he leans against a doorway, unsure of why he felt the need to look cool in front of Joaquín. (Maybe it was because he was around during the Flag Smasher days, and he wants to make a much better impression than the guy who just murdered someone else in front of a crowd. With a national treasure, no less. Luckily, Joaquín seems to be picking up on his attempts and let himself be a bit more comfortable and leans on a wall. They’re right by John’s room, the only room that Joaquín actually got to see the interior of.

John doesn’t have that much confidence to try and show Joaquín the rooms of people who weren’t around to sign off on it, especially when Sam and Bucky went to Bucky’s room for privacy. He really didn’t want the awkwardness that was interrupting whatever they decided to get up to with that uninterrupted time alone. See? John really is turning a new leaf.

“Gosh, you’re making it sound like we’re going to spend the day together Walker.”

Joaquín finds himself joking, but he’s internally shocked at how much he doesn’t hate the idea. He’s lost- he used to hate this dude. Why is it that a beard and a divorce make someone infinitely much more bearable to be around? It was almost annoying how he doesn’t mind hanging around him, or how he can’t hate his cocky smile as he leans against a doorway. This man is supposed to be a total tool, yet he finds himself wanting to spend more time.

Why? It was genuinely frustrating him how much he doesn’t mind seeing more of John Walker when he swore if they met years ago, he’d give this man a piece of his mind. He’s suddenly a lot more conflicted about what he’d want to give now. So, he blurts something out he’s not the proudest of saying out loud. Mind you, this is before John was even allowed to respond to the first thing he said. Real classy, Joaquín.

“I mean- I’d spend a day with you but I don’t know how busy I am. I mean- I know my schedule. I do. I’ve got nothing else I need to do today, but the real question is if I’m alright spending the rest of my time with you.”

It was the least smooth Joaquín has ever been, something he’d love to have the time stone to reverse and erase from history. Maybe that’s why Strange is so elusive and his name fits so well, he saves himself from awkward conversations by not talking to people. By how this conversation is going, Joaquín was seriously considering adopting the lifestyle.

“Thankfully I also know my schedule, and I also happen to be free. Also- don’t get too excited about hanging out with me. This is me we are talking about, so set your standards to something I can reach. For my sake.”

John jokes, something Joaquín was borderline frustrated with how he easily laughs at the other man’s cockiness. He was supposed to be furious with the man’s ego, not feeding into it. This really was not going the way he pictured in his head.

“… I might need a minute. To tell Sam where I’m going-“

John gently cuts him off.

“I’m sure he can settle or a text message. He and Bucky are busy doing whatever they can do in a room that can be locked with one bed. Come on, we better make ourselves scarce even if the rooms are soundproofed. I know a great coffee shop near here, if you’re up for that kind of thing.”

John’s laugh is so casual Joaquín wants to punch something at how pleasant it is. He also isn’t even a coffee guy, he felt into the energy drink trap. It’s something even Josiah makes fun of him for during training the way he always has a Red Bull or Monster with him. Calls it this generation’s addiction, which wasn’t entirely wrong.

Which makes it really confusing why he does this. He never knows what to order in local coffee shops.

“I’ll go, I mean- I am free today after all.”

Joaquín is kicking himself he wasn’t supposed to be free for a man like John Walker. He thought he’d make friends with all of the other Thunderbolts before even getting close to speaking with John. That’s how he envisioned it in his head, only knowing him from the past rants he heard from Sam over the phone. Sure, he thought the beard was new and not bad on the TV announcement of the New Avengers. But that was the only positive trait Joaquín thought John got. Turns out he was so wrong now he’s going and getting coffee from a place he doesn’t know the name of on his day off.

Fucking hell, Joaquín didn’t think he’d be “reaping the benefits” of John Walker’s redemption arc. But he wasn’t going to complain, no. He didn’t even mind the red hair! That’s how far gone he’s letting himself be. This certainly isn’t going to make the text message to Sam, he’s not proud of this in the slightest.