Chapter Text
[ SPORTS FTW (+ dissy and pat) ]
[ 5:13pm]
nobody: Diomedes.
nobody: Diomedes I swear to every god that exists.
nobody: Do not.
TheREALLeader: ???
pattycake: what are you on about
pattycake: WHY IS THIS STILL MY NICKNAME.
definitelyafurry: ACHILLES
definitelyafurry: ACHILLESSSS MY MAN
nobody: Achilles ignore him.
TheREALLeader: ??????
definitelyafurry: have u ever considered getting dissy on the track team
nobody: I'm going to kill you.
TheREALLeader: obviously not tf
TheREALLeader: why would i want ODYSSEUS on track
definitelyafurry: dude look at ts
[ definitelyafurry sent a video ]
[ video description: The video starts with a bottom-up view of Diomedes’ head and shoulders, before switching after a moment to a more normal angle. Diomedes is grinning.
“Ok, ok, Sthenelus managed to get behind Dissy. I don't think he's noticed us yet.”
Diomedes looks somewhere past the camera, other hand raising to give a thumbs up, before the camera flips around. Sthenelus is standing behind Odysseus, looking at the camera, before he nods and grabs Odysseus’ beanie off his head and bolts away. Diomedes can be heard laughing.
Odysseus stands still for a moment, before slowly turning around. Sthenelus runs up beside the camera, grinning and laughing breathlessly. There's a few seconds of Diomedes and Sthenelus laughing, the camera seemingly forgotten, before Odysseus snaps forward and runs, full speed, at the camera.
The phone is dropped with a shout from both Diomedes and Sthenelus. There's darkness for around ten seconds, backed by the sounds of shoes on concrete, before Odysseus picks up the phone with a frown and the video ends. ]
nobody: Godsdamnit
TheREALLeader: WHAT
TheREALLeader: WHAT
TheREALLeader: WH
pattycake: HUH?
definitelyafurry: RIGHT?
pattycake: in boots??? in his stupid combat boots???
nobody: Hey.
TheREALLeader: ODYSSEUS WHAT. WHAT.
TheREALLeader: WHY HAVE U ENVER TOLD ME U CAN RUN LIEKT HAT
nobody: Because it wasn't important.
pattycake: dude we need to get you some proper running shoes and put you on the track
nobody: Absolutely not.
TheREALLeader: TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL.
TheREALLeader: U R MEETING ME ON THE TRACK
TheREALLeader: IDGAF
nobody: I am not doing that.
definitelyafurry: i’ll drag him there don't worry
definitelyafurry: i’ll get mene for backup if needed
pattycake: im sure he'll be happy for a chance to manhandle ody
definitelyafurry: LMAOOO
TheREALLeader: TRUEEE where is he get him over here
nobody: I am not doing this?
nobody: You can’t make me run.
definitelyafurry: wait wait let me
definitelyafurry: @TheBetterAtreides cmere
TheBetterAtreides: What is it what’s up
definitelyafurry: u wanna help us drag dissy over to the track tomorrow
definitelyafurry: he’s gonna race achilles lol
nobody: No I am not.
TheBetterAtreides: Wait what
nobody: Do not listen to him Menelaus.
TheREALLeader: listen 2 us hes gonna race me
nobody: Not happening.
TheBetterAtreides: Wait why would he tho
TheBetterAtreides: He’d lose immediately??
nobody: .
definitelyafurry: oh shit
pattycake: woahhhhh Mene
TheREALLeader: ohhhhhh u gonna let that slide?
nobody: Fine. Tomorrow after school.
definitelyafurry: YEAHHHHHH
definitelyafurry: @everyone DISSY AND ACHILLES RACE TMR AT THE TRACK
TheREALLeader: HELL UEAH
betterAjax: huhwhat
betterAjax: ??? odysseus and achilles????
lesserAjax: ?
lesserAjax: sorry ody ur gonna get ur ass beat
lesserAjax: or like outrun or whatever
definitelyafurry: no dude scroll up
definitelyafurry: i think dissy has a chance
lesserAjax: too much work i dont wanna
TheLeader: Why did I get pinged
TheBetterAtreides: Hi Aggie apparently Ody & Achilles are racing tomorrow
TheLeader: Oh
TheLeader: Good luck Achilles.
TheREALLeader: WHAT?
betterAjax: WOAH?
pattycake: am I reading that right??
definitelyafurry: WHUH?
TheLeader: I’ve seen Odysseus run,
TheLeader: Laus remember when he was trying to impress Penelope.
TheLeader: We were with Clytemnestra and Helen near Tyndareus’ house.
TheBetterAtreides: Ohhhh I remember yeah
TheBetterAtreides: Faster than Achilles tho?
TheLeader: I wouldn't be surprised.
betterAjax: well shit ig i gotta watch
lesserAjax: ig so
nobody: I suppose I’ll see you all there.
[ 2:45pm ]
TheREALLeader: ALRIGHT EVERYONE ITS TIME
pattycake: u got this!!!
pattycake: <3 !!!
TheREALLeader: ofcofc
TheREALLeader: <3
definitelyafurry: gayasses
TheREALLeader: hey just curious have u ever looked in a mirror
definitelyafurry: oh fuck u
TheREALLeader: im sure ody would take you up on that
TheREALLeader: ;}
definitelyafurry: KYS???
nobody: We both know I’d be fucking him.
TheREALLeader: JFKNFBFICNMFLD
pattycake: AHAJAHAH
definitelyafurry: DUDE
[ TheREALLeader has pinned a message ]
definitelyafurry: STIP
TheBetterAtreides: Aggie & I r at the track!
TheBetterAtreides: Hels & Clytem & Pen r here too
definitelyafurry: ohhhhhh pennys thereeeeee
definitelyafurry: u excited dissy
definitelyafurry: ;)))
nobody: Die.
nobody: Thank you for bringing Penelope, Menelaus.
TheBetterAtreides: Of course!! :)
TheREALLeader: ffs
TheREALLeader: ody uve gotta let him hit already
pattycake: he want that cookie so dang bad…
TheBetterAtreides: Hey!! I have a girlfriend
TheREALLeader: oh dont even ive met helen
TheREALLeader: shed probably be willing 2 watch u get dicked down by ody
TheBetterAtreides: ACHILLES.
pattycake: he's right
TheBetterAtreides: PATROCLUS.
nobody: Get off your phones so we can get this over with.
TheREALLeader: yes sir o7
[ 6:17 ]
[ nobody sent a photo ]
[ image description: A screenshot of an email. The exact address is blacked out, but the name reads “Hermes Polytropos”. The subject line is “Recruitment!!”. The email reads “Helloooo Odysseus! Chiron & I saw you racing Achilles earlier and were wondering if you would like to join the track team? We promise it would be worth it, I would really like to have someone like you on the team! Sincerely, your favourite teacher! :3” ]
nobody: Care to explain this, @TheREALLeader ?
TheREALLeader: UHM
TheREALLeader: AHAHA NO
pattycake: LMAO
nobody: Achilles.
nobody: Why were Hermes and Chiron there.
nobody: Achilles answer me.
TheREALLeader: UH
TheREALLeader: LISTEN I DIDNT EXPECT U 2 ACTUALLY KEEP UP W ME
TheREALLeader: I JUST TOLD HERMES I WAS RACING SOME1
TheREALLeader: AND I GUESS HE WANTED 2 WATCH
nobody: You stuck my uncle on me because you know I can't deny him this.
TheREALLeader: yeah ok i stuck ur uncle on u bc i know u cant deny him this
nobody: Lock your windows tonight.
TheREALLeader: EXCUWE ME?
pattycake: pls dont kill him ody
[ TheREALLeader liked “pls dont kill him ody” ]
definitelyafurry: HAHHAHA
nobody: Don't laugh yet Diomedes.
definitelyafurry: oh shit
definitelyafurry: im too sexy to die please dissy spare me
nobody: Open the door Diomedes.
definitelyafurry: u know what i dont think i want to do that
definitelyafurry: I HEAR U SCALING MY WALLS STOP IT
definitelyafurry: GET DOWN
TheREALLeader: HES WHAT?
definitelyafurry: dude have u never seen him climb either
definitelyafurry: have u ever seen him do like anything
TheREALLeader: i mean ive seen him be a smartass but thats about it
definitelyafurry: crazyyyy ill have to send u a vid of him climbing
pattycake: if u live this
definitelyafurry: if i live this
TheBetterAtreides: Ody pls don't kill my friend
TheBetterAtreides: Pen would be sad too
nobody: .
nobody: Fine.
TheREALLeader: whipped
nobody: You're not off the hook.
TheBetterAtreides: Noo Pen would be sad about that too
nobody: Wait, for Achilles?
nobody: Why?
TheREALLeader: WAIT YEAH
TheREALLeader: BCAUSE UHHFHH LIKE
definitelyafurry: arent thetis and periboea friends
TheREALLeader: YA THAT
TheREALLeader: IVE KNOWN PENNY SINCE WE WERE LIKE 3
nobody: Fuck.
TheREALLeader: HAHAHAAAA
TheREALLeader: SUCK IT NERDDD
nobody: Patroclus can do that well enough I don't think you need my help.
pattycake: WHY AM I CATCHING STRAYS RN
TheREALLeader: DON'T BRING HIM IN2 THIS
definitelyafurry: ur way better w ur mouth dissy
definitelyafurry: that silver tongue of urs
definitelyafurry: ;3
pattycake: TMI. TEE EM EYE
TheLeader: Stop flirting in my groupchat.
TheREALLeader: wowwwwwww r u homophobic????
TheREALLeader: new low even 4 u
definitelyafurry: no hes just jealous
TheREALLeader: ???
TheLeader: Would you quit trying to convince everyone I have a crush on Odysseus
definitelyafurry: maybe stop having a crush on dissy first
TheREALLeader: WAIT DEADASS?
nobody: I’m going to sleep.
pattycake: ??? its like 630 fym ur going to sleep
TheREALLeader: ?? did u already leave dios place??
TheREALLeader: also we r continuing that topic later dio
[ definitelyafurry liked “also we r continuing that topic later dio” ]
definitelyafurry: no hes still here i can see him sitting on my windowsill
definitelyafurry: hi dissy
definitelyafurry: LOL
[ definitelyafurry sent an image ]
[ image description: A picture of Odysseus sitting outside of a window, holding his phone. He has one hand raised to give Diomedes the middle finger. ]
TheREALLeader: HAHA
TheBetterAtreides: Ody do u wanna come over
TheBetterAtreides: Since ur in town
TheBetterAtreides: We have leftovers :)
TheLeader: I made chicken with mashed potatoes.
nobody: Did you make broccoli.
TheLeader: Steamed with a heart attack inducing amount of salt & some butter.
definitelyafurry: COUGH gayasses COUGHHH
nobody: I’m on my way.
TheREALLeader: On my way!
pattycake: On my way!
definitelyafurry: On my way!
nobody: Fuck off.
nobody: I hate all of you.
[ 1:37am ]
TheREALLeader: wait i think we gotta
[ TheREALLeader has changed the groupchat name to “SPORTS FTW (+ pat <3!!)” ]
definitelyafurry: do u know its legal
TheLeader: Go To Sleep.