Chapter Text
Eddie had left the CD player in his passenger seat. By the time he had gotten home he hadn't known what to do with it. Sure, he could finish listening to it. But he didn't have the time to haul it over to the fire station. What was the point if he was going to be there in a few days anyway?
So, being rational, he let it sit over his weekend. The CD player only left the seat when he needed to take Christopher to his PT appointment. The least the boy knew about this the better. It wasn't his fault Buck left. So he should only have to focus on kid things. Thankfully this is where Eddie excelled. Not that he had much time over the weekend to deal with the CD anyway.
Not with back to school shopping, appointments with the Dean of Chris's school, and getting him back into therapy. All things he had to do all those years ago. Except, back then he had Carla. Who was still around but she had reasonably taken on a new client with Chris being gone. So she could help, but not in a permanent way.
"You knew she wasn’t coming back. All firefighters are dogs, that’s what you said.”
That was the other thing, despite not listening to the CD, Buck's voice never seemed to leave his head. Some from the tracks themself and others from what he could only imagine what he'd be saying about him.
You're being watched
He didn't know if he should be focusing on Sal or Buck when he heard it. It was Buck who was forcing this on him. Yet it was Sal who had said it. He couldn't stay focused on that for long. Not when he had Chris. Not when the idea of the CD's made his blood freeze then boil within seconds. No, his son didn't deserve to deal with all of this. So he could be the adult here and push it aside for when he had a moment. Preferably one where he had access to a punching bag.
Sadly he wasn't allowed to dwell on it for too long. After all, his kid was a sophomore and wanted independence. So Eddie had to get up even earlier to ensure that the boy was fine before he left. Not that he didn't trust Christopher alone-well-alone until his friend's mom came and picked him up.
"Mrs. Deckner will be here at ten to come get you." Eddie said for what had to be the 100th time. Christopher glanced up at him from his spot at the dining room table. Thankfully he gave him a brief nod before returning to his cereal. That was another thing that had been on Eddie's mind as of late. His son's newfound attitude. Once upon a time he could ask Buck for advise. Or at least vent. That wasn't really an option anymore. A fact that made his irritation from earlier return.
"Can you give me a verbal response?" Eddie asked. Christopher groaned before looking back up at him.
"Dylan's mom will be here at ten. Lock up before I leave." He said in an almost whiny tone. Eddie almost wanted to tell his son if he kept it up he'd be staying home. Except that would be what the boy wanted in the first place. Where on earth did this attitude come from?
“Dad, you need to leave.” Christopher groaned, forcing Eddie to glance at the clock. He winced when he realized his son was right. Damnit, he had to leave. So, he ruffled his son’s hair and dodged his son’s attempt to smack him away.
“Be safe, I will see you tomorrow morning.” He promised, making his son grumble a response in return. It wasn’t until Eddie tossed his duffle in his car, twenty some minutes later, did the CD return to his mind. That and the things Buck had said on them. At first he wondered what would happen if he didn’t listen to the rest. If he tossed the box into the trash at work, or in a random fast food trash can.
You’re being watched.
Right, there was the Sal of it all. He couldn’t exactly manage that one. Though, the urge wasn’t exactly going away. Especially when he remembered how long he had left his son alone that night. Sure, he hadn't noticed. Christopher was a great sleeper these days. Must be a teenage boy thing. Buck better be thankful for that. Because he would not let the man come between him and his son.
The drive to work hadn’t been long enough to improve his mood. Which was saying something as he was stuck on the I-10 for at least ten minutes longer than normal. Which added onto his usual crawl-like pace on the 101, and the additional ten minutes of side streets to the station. Dios, he missed Texas traffic sometimes. Even if he was just an Uber driver out there.
Once he finally got to the station, it wasn’t any better. There were a few people in the locker room, but no one from his shift. So he wasn’t able to catch up as he got ready for work. As he grabbed his uniform shirt from his locker he could have sworn he spotted Buck across from him. Like he had been so many times before. It was just a flash, gone as soon as he noticed it. Still, it left him feeling hollow. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force the memory back. Stay focused.
“Diaz, line up in fifteen!” Chimney shouted, forcing Eddie to open his eyes once again. He scowled as he looked around the locker room. There was no one there.
“Fucking damnit.” Eddie hissed as he forced himself to finish getting dressed. When he finished he slammed the door of his locker closed. He didn’t need Buck, he was fine as is.
Eddie stocked his way over to where the rest of his shift was lined up. Chimney wasn’t there yet, though he knew it was only a matter of time. Hen had taken her place at the start of the lineup, Ravi standing next to her with his head held high. Between them were two other people. Neither of them were people Eddie even recognized.
“Nice of you to join us, Diaz.” Chimney said, not bothering to look at him as he walked over to them. Eddie gave him a brief nod and tried to listen as he went over what was going on. Apparently they had a leak in one of the shower stalls that would be worked on later. Also there would be a fire drill later in the week. Nothing too interesting. He already had a feeling he’d be moving back to his old chore. Especially if their check by the chief didn’t go as Chimney had planned.
“Oh, and Diaz-” Chimney said, bringing him back to the conversation.
“Let me guess, latrine duty.” Eddie huffed, mentally wincing when he heard his own tone. That was not what he was going for. Chimney was his captain now. Not his friend.
“No, actually, I was going to say we need to have a chat in my office later. However, if you keep that tone with me, you will be on it for a month.” Chimney squinted as he spoke in a low tone. Did he just dad voice him?
“Yes, Captain.” Eddie grumbled. He could hear Ravi snort and he shot a look over to where the younger man was standing. What was his problem?
“Alright, the chore list is posted. Let’s get to work.” Chimney said, releasing them. Eddie huffed and followed Chimney up the stairs to the loft. Thankfully, Chimney made his way to the captain’s office. At least he wasn't being told to wait for this meeting.
Going into Bobby’s office was weird, to say the least. Especially since now he is being forced to admit it wasn’t his office anymore. So much of it remained the same. Chimney definitely did a good job at that. Then he would spot a photo of Maddie, Jee, and the baby. The wrong Robert Nash was being shown in this office. Not that Eddie would ever tell the other man that.
“Why don’t you sit down, Eddie?” Chimney asked, suddenly all that Diaz thing being dropped. Eddie wanted to be snippy about it, but he was smart enough to not give attitude to his boss.
“Yes, sir.” Eddie decided on instead. Chimney took a seat behind the desk. Which was hard to witness, Eddie had to admit. Bobby should be behind that desk. Bobby should still be here.
“Alright, so I have been going through the files. Making sure everything is in order. Especially since we have a few people out. I gotta make sure we have proper coverage.” Chimney began, reaching for a file that was sat on top of a neat stack. "It turns out that uh- that unless you want to go for new certs I will not be allowed to send you on the calls you are used to."
Which-what? What was he even talking about? He thought that his experience was allowing him to go on these rescues. At least Bobby had implied.
"What are you even talking about?" Eddie chuckled, trying to keep the sparks of irritation at that. Sparks. Maybe it's because he is a new captain. Bobby likely had some sway with the brass. Chimney would figure it out and get him covered
"Look, Eddie, with Buck being gone-" Chimney started and that was it. He was done hearing about Buck. Buck this and Buck that. What made that man so special that he could throw off Eddie's entire life? So maybe he over reacted when he slammed his hands on the desk. Chimney could take a little of his anger.
"What does Buck even have to do with this? This is my certifications you are talking about!" Eddie snapped. Chimney didn't even flinch.
"As I was saying, due to Buck being gone we have a lot of slots to cover. Sadly, it is a whole lot easier to cover an engineer spot than to cover heavy rescue." Chimney remained calm as he spoke but that made no sense. Why would they need to cover the engineer spot if Buck wasn't here.
“Since when did our heavy rescue calls depend on Buck being here?” Eddie snapped.
“Since always. You came in as his partner. We need at least two to do a rope rescue and no one else is qualified. Eddie, Buck wasn't just heavy duty rescue. That includes: rope rescues, vehicle extraction, trench rescues, structural collapse rescues. Not to mention he also has swift water and confined spaces. You have rope rescues down. Ravi has two of the three required to do heavy duty rescues." Despite Chimney sounding calm, Eddie felt as though he were being attacked. How did Ravi of all people have more certifications than him?
“Okay, so I won't get to do heavy rescues. I can still assist Hen on medical calls.” Eddie said, mostly to soothe himself. It was fine. He could be a paramedic until Buck got back.
“About that.” Chimney said, his tone implying that he would, in fact, not be assisting Hen.
“About what?” Eddie asked, feeling the rage he had been trying to squish back down. It was getting harder and harder these days.
“Look, I'm going to be real honest here. The chief isn't happy I expedited your coming back. He allowed it since we are down a man and Bobby’s death hit everyone hard. That doesn't mean he won't pull you if I have you doing medical calls or other calls you aren't qualified for.” Chimney looked remorseful. Like he didn't want to be telling Eddie this at all. Which was a comfort. Yet, there was something there. Something knowing. Something-he knew. He was on the CD. Sure, Eddie didn't know where or why. Chimney had to be doing this because of Buck. That was the only reason this was happening to him. Maybe Hen was also on it. So she pushed Chimney to get him out of her ambulance.
“Right, of course.” Eddie agreed. Mentally preparing to go and listen. Get some leverage on their newly appointed captain. If Buck had all this dirt on Athena and Carla, and he supposed Sal, then Chimney should be a breeze. Then he can either come at this from a place of pity or use it as leverage.
“Eddie, you can still ride in the ambulance. Just not every call.” Chimney said as Eddie stood. Eddie wasn't paying attention though. He had chores to do and a CD to listen to. Hopefully Buck was merciful and Chimney was lucky number 4 in the line up. He should have figured his luck wasn't that great though. As the alarm rang overhead and they had to get on the engine.
The call itself should have been easy enough. Caller reported her father had fallen out of bed and needed an assist getting him off the ground. As it turned out, the woman who called hadn’t been as forthcoming. At first it all seemed normal. The house was a little cluttered but nothing out of the ordinary. Then when they reached the room they were hit with a harsh smell.
“Oh thank the lord. The caregiver had left him like this for God knows how long. I just stopped by to get him ready for dinner.” The woman stressed she she led them over to her father’s bed. The guard rails were down and the man was half dressed on the floor. On the side of his bed Eddie noted the bedside catheter was almost completely filled. A soiled chuck was bunched to the opposite side of the bed. Right, they might need to be doing more than helping the man up.
“Ma’am is there anything about your father’s healthcare we should be aware of?” Hen asked, crouching next to the old man.
“No, not that I am aware of. The caregiver just said dad has been agitated lately. Uh-he apparently got mad at her when she tried to get him out of bed.” That wasn’t great. Between the smell and the reference of agitation. That alone could be anything but it hinted at maybe an infection. Eddie felt bad for the poor woman. It must have been shocking to find her father in this state. Especially if it wasn’t documented.
“Tell them about Sheila.” The man gasped out. Which, alright maybe the delirium had faded. Eddie was about to ask him what he meant when he noted the woman’s face warped from fear then anger.
“Sheila is his afternoon caregiver. She-she just leaves early. Doesn’t-she is rough when transferring him back into bed. Last time his nurse came in and said the catheter was kinked.” She explained. Shit- if the catheter was kinked then-
“Hen, check his temperature.” Eddie said immediately. Hen glanced up at him and shot him a harsh look but proceeded to do so.
“101.3, not hospital but not great. Alright sir, can you tell me how long you have been down here?” Hen asked the man. Eddie tuned her out and headed over to the catheter. The urine looked cloudy. Fever, agitation, plus potentially kinked catheter tubing. Hen needed to be checking the lining. Well, that was something Eddie could do, he supposed. After all, non medical caregivers can check a catheter.
“Eddie, what are you doing?” Chimney asked, his tone was low. Eddie ignored him and continued on his plan. If he could just find the kink then they would get the man to the hospital. Show he knew how to do this job.
“Alright, Eddie, can you help me lift him?” Hen asked. Eddie glanced down at the tube before he glanced back up at her. Right, they would need to get him on a backboard.
“Of course, uh, don’t we need a backboard?” He asked, glancing around for Ravi or someone else to grab it.
“No, we just need to get him on the bed. He doesn’t appear to be showing signs of anything outside of a few bedsores and a bit of pain where he fell.” She said slowly. Eddie blinked but nodded. That didn’t sound right. The caregiver stated agitation. The urine is cloudy. The daughter even said he has had a kinked catheter.
“Are you sure?” Eddie found himself asking. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as Chimney stepped over to them. He did not look amused in the slightest. Not that Eddie expected him to be.
“Panikkar, assist paramedic Wilson with getting Mr. Jefferson back on his bed. Diaz, if you are willing to be useful, then can you clear the bed?” Chimney asked, not really leaving him a choice. Eddie grumbled as he stood and grabbed the soiled chuck off of the bed. Ravi then left Hen’s side and laid down a clean one before tugging on a loose white belt that hadn't been there before. When had Hen put a gait belt on the man? Did they have those or was that just medical equipment in the home. The daughter didn't look confused so he was assuming the second one. Either way, the call was done and he knew he'd be getting an earful when they returned to the engine.
Except, he didn't.
Chimney remained quiet the entire drive back to the station. All of them were. When they returned all Chimney had said to Eddie was to clean the engine. Hen looked sympathetic. Ravi looked giddy.
“That was cool. I mean his kid knew her stuff about the care and procedures about his equipment.” Ravi was practically beaming as he chatted with Hen. Eddie glared and grabbed a bucket to fill with water. Hen didn't wave him off or anything. She just stood there patiently as Ravi continued talking to her about the call. As though she hadn't been there.
“It's a good thing she did. Shows that someone was keeping an eye on things.” Hen agreed, glancing over at Eddie. Which just made the man scowl. He didn't need this. He knew what he was doing.
“B shift doesn't have me doing these types of calls often. So it's refreshing to go back to my roots. Buck would be proud.” Ravi chuckled at the end of his thought. Which, what? What did he mean Buck would be proud? He had been on Ravi’s ass when the guy had been a probie. Back when he and the younger man had been teamed up due to Eddie working with Hen.
“Oh please, Buck would have gotten in the way or flirted with the man’s daughter.” Eddie snapped. “Also, since when did you do medical calls? Last I heard you were Mr. Bigshot. Doing all the heavy rescues cause Bobby teamed you up with his favorite.”
“Cap’s favorite-dude, I wasn't teamed up with Buck the whole time. Also he spent more time telling me I was doing things right than getting in the way.” Ravi had the audacity to sound bewildered. That didn't even sound like Buck. Well, it sorta did. Mostly when the man wanted attention.
“Right. It's not like Buck would have been much help on that call anyway. Outside of being the muscle.” Eddie rolled his eyes and went back to filling his bucket. Why weren't they doing their chores anyhow? Chimney seemed serious about his chart.
“Ravi, go take a walk. Eddie and I need to talk.” Hen said, leaving no room for argument. The younger man nodded and scurried off to the stairs to the loft. When they were finally alone, Eddie deflated.
“Look, Hen, I didn't mean to question you in front of the patient but-” Eddie started in what he hoped was an apologetic voice. She wasn't having it.
“Two things. One, I know it looked like sepsis. The daughter told us the bag was old and just needed to be changed. Something you would have known if you were paying attention. The man was cognitively clear and his nurse told him not to go to the ER unless his fever reached 103 or he became delirious. He was not there yet.” She sounded like she was scolding a disobedient child rather than him. A fully grown and medically trained man. Eddie wasn't sure he liked her tone, but he respected her enough not to mention it.
“Secondly, you do not talk to anyone like that. I'm not sure what fully went down between you and Buck. That doesn't mean you get to treat us like you have been. Especially since we all know you aren't squeaky clean yourself.” She added. Eddie paused at that. He tried to focus on the sound of the water hitting his bucket rather than his thoughts. He knew she likely was on the CD. He didn't realize she had already listened to it. Buck was really hitting everyone.
“You know?” He mumbled. This made Hen scrunch her face in confusion.
“You don't know-how much time have you been wasting on this? I got through it in one night.” Hen demanded. Eddie wanted to argue but he couldn't. She had younger kids than he did. Mara also needed additional help.
“I was going to listen to it today. Just have been busy.” Eddie almost whined. She just shook her head in disbelief.
“Listen to it then come find me. Sal isn't going to be patient for long. Neither is Buck.” She warned, heading off herself. Eddie stood frozen as he watched her wonder back up to the loft. Eddie only stopped watching when he felt the water hitting his shoe. Guess he had nothing better to do than grab the damn thing from his locker and listen. Except when he finally had the thing in his hand he paused. What if it wasn't Hen or Chimney next? What if it was him? Which was ridiculous. Hen knew about it and Eddie would have had it before her if he was next. Unless Sal was involved and he skipped Eddie over for one of the others. He supposed that was something the other man would do. If he was involved outside of just being on the CD.
"Damn it, just listen to the damn thing. It's not like they would just let you stay behind if a call comes in." Eddie whispered to himself as he stared at the device. Then, he slipped the headphones on before heading back to his bucket. Might as well get this over with. It’s not as though whatever Buck said would make this day any worse. Even if it ended up about him.
The familiar whirling noise played in his ears after he hit play. It was almost hypnotic as he tried to focus on it rather than the smell of cleaner in the bucket near his feet. Then there was a crackling and shuffling sound from the CD. Why couldn’t he just start each track immediately? Make him sit through the awkward silence. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t taken a break between tracks as is.
Welcome back. I am sure you're itching to find out who is next. Well, at least find out if it's you. For those of you that wanted to join along on the map, the next few tapes will have you at B2. Pause until you get there. Though, I did warn you during track 2 where you will be going.
Buck almost sounded cheerful on his end. Though there was a hint of something behind it. Like this had been rehearsed. It didn't help that he paused, almost as though he was waiting for them to reach the firehouse from the old apartment building.
Are we all here? Good. Now, I bet you are all wondering, why the firehouse? What could possibly bring you to station 118? Well, family. At least, the illusion of one.
They are a family though. At least they were up until Buck pulled this disappearing act. It was his own fault they weren't a family. He can't possibly be putting this on them for the family falling apart.
You see, I never quite understood how some people could bond to another and make a family. How friends can then become your ride or die. How your coworkers become like a family. I mean, my own family barely wanted me. How could I imagine anything greater.
Eddie wanted to roll his eyes at this, but he wasn't exactly wrong there. Buck had Maddie, that much Eddie would argue. Even he knew the Buckley parents weren't great. At least his family wasn't messed up. Just his dad, and he supposed his mom had been a bit much as of late. What with her stealing his son from him. At least they acknowledged him. Maybe he finally reached Buck's parent's track on this CD. That would be a nice change of pace.
Then I met a bunch of guys who I followed to Peru, and more who I followed to Los Angeles. I met the 118 after, and I thought I finally found it. My family. So, Hen, when did you decide I wasn't enough to fight for? When did I stop being a part of this family?
When you walked out on us-wait, Hen? Huh, that is why she was so surprised about him not knowing she was on this. He supposed that tracked. If she were further in this maybe his lack of listening would make sense.
Was it from the start? Because I know you said you told Bobby that we should have gotten a Dalmatian instead of me. You told me about that hours before you saved my job. Then it was you being a big sister from then on.
Why were they still on that? Boo fucking hoo, you slept with some girl with a snake then get fired for it because you were at work. That is your own damn fault, Buck. Then you go and you get it back while playing hero. From what they all said, this firehouse wasn't a family until later anyway. So what, it took a while for Hen to warm up to you. It isn't as though they never became a family.
We played games, you told me when I was being stupid. You watched as Bobby shoved me against a wall.
Eddie winced at that, he-he didn't know Bobby did that. He was sure Buck pushed him. Bobby wouldn't put his hands on any of them unless they really pushed. Eddie had outright got in Bobby's face and the older man didn't even flinch. Hen would have stepped in if she thought he was being-if it was that serious at least.
Oh, was that not fair? You're right, you just told me you warned me. Then it's back to business as usual. Acting as big sister when you met Abby. Teasing, but not too harmful. I mean, it's not like you watched me get physically assaulted, chuckled when Dr Welles came up, make jokes about me finally getting decked. I mean, it's not like you made the jokes, right? It's okay because I laughed along too, right?
They were just jokes, it wasn't that serious. Eddie huffed to himself and finally grabbed a rag. Might as well get to cleaning the damn engine. Let the irritation get the gunk off.
The thing is, Hen, playing keep away with my phone isn't what I needed. Having my pain laughed at isn't needed. What I needed was someone to step in and say that it wasn't right. I needed someone to tell me that they saw what just happened, that I didn't imagine it. Hen, I needed you to say something. Anything. Instead, All I got was that I was a dumb kid. I'm just the station puppy. The one who could take a hit and would come back for pets and a treat.
Okay so maybe they took the dog comparison too far. He was adult enough to admit that. That doesn't mean that Buck wasn't being dramatic about all of this. If anything this just proved how childish he was being.
Maybe you did get your Dalmatian.
"No Buck, at least a Dalmatian can be a loyal companion. If anything you are a damn bird." Eddie snorted to himself. Too busy looking at his own reflection and making noise. Only to fly away as soon as it can.