Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Viktor’s stomach was hurting. He knew he was panicking, but he also knew he shouldn’t be.

„I.. I don‘t know.“ he breathed, knowing it would cause an issue.

Next to him, Zach sighed.

And Viktor flinched, hoping, begging, that Zach had not seen.

„Sorry.“ he quickly turned to him, the car seat making a sound under him.

„Your apologies don’t matter, Viktor, and you know that.“ Zach sighed, looking.. sad.

Viktor felt guilt striking him immediately. Was it really this bad? Zach just wanted something for himself. Zach had been so good to him.

„I know.“ he spoke against his closing throat. He wasn’t able to apologize again, that would make it worse.

„Hey..“ Zach reached over into Viktor’s lap, taking his hand into his.

Viktor didn’t want to tell him that it hurt, that his nails were digging into Viktor’s skin.

„I love you.“ Zach spoke and Viktor quickly nodded, throwing himself into the comfort this statement should give him.
„and nothing changes that. This is just because of me. You know, I work differently than you do.“

Viktor closed his eyes.

Two years ago he had met Zach. Zach had shown him this world. Bdsm, giving over a piece of himself, and Viktor had loved it. Had lost himself in it in a way that satisfied him beyond words.

Now Zach wanted more. And not more of him.

„The more you struggle against this, the more insecure you seem.“ Zach pointed out and Viktor nodded.

He didn’t want to be insecure.

Zach was a great boyfriend. He treated him so well, fucked him good aswell. Took him to all these great clubs and events, like tonight.

But that was the issue. Zach wanted to play with someone else tonight. And Viktor knew that if he said no, this relationship would be over soon.

„It’s just sex, Viktor. We will go home together later. Come on.“ Zach started his car. Viktor tried to ignore how badly he wanted to drive the car himself.

„Will you be a good sub?“ Zach asked a few seconds later. The implications were clear. Would Viktor be good and sit out while Zach played with other subs? Would Viktor be alone in the club, wait until his boyfriend was done playing, driving them home and accept it?

„Yes, Master.“ Viktor nodded. He’d do whatever was necessary to keep the relationship alive.

He had underestimated how lonely a huge club could be, staying at the bar with his mocktail.

Zach had brought them inside, getting him a seat and then disappeared with a sub that Viktor had seen here before.

She was gorgeous. Blonde. Some tattoos and always wearing very short pants.

Viktor couldn’t even be mad.

Zach just wanted to have more than Viktor. He wanted more experiences, and it was normal for this scene. Zach had said,before Viktor, he had never owned only one sub. So Viktor was taking that from him.

It was only fair that he was sitting here now.

He just wished this club served alcohol for subs that weren’t getting fucked tonight anyways.

A small voice in his head wondered why Zach had even wanted him to come along.

„Are you okay, baby?“

A voice ripped him out of his thoughts, making him jump.
He looked up to find a large man standing next to him, leaned against the bar with a small comfortable smile on his lips.

He was gorgeous. Dark brown, short hair, styled back, very muscular, a black dressing shirt almost ripping over his chest.

„I.. what?“ Viktor had to gather his thoughts. Had he been called baby?

„Are you okay?“ the man repeated, a little more gentle now, leaning in to hear the other over the music.

Viktor hadn’t expected to be talked to. Whenever Zach was with him, he wasn‘t allowed to speak to others. And specifically not to other doms, as the rings and bracelets on the man’s hands told him.

„I‘m… okay.“ Viktor got out, sounding like he didn’t even believe it himself.

„Is that a question?“ the man smiled, waving at the bartender for a drink. No alcohol. Viktor hated it.

The man eyed him down, stopping at his daycollar. An ugly piece of metal that Viktor wore like it was a compliment.

„Whoever put this on you isn’t around?“ The man asked, brows furrowing, before he got even closer into Viktor‘s space.
Viktor shook his head, biting his lip bloody.

The man‘s face turned understanding.
„I‘m Sir Talis, you can speak freely. Whoever put that on you won’t have to find out about it.“

Sir Talis.

Viktor swallowed.

„He‘s playing with someone else.“ He tried to explain, voice breaking.

Zach was currently making someone else feel like his, was giving them sensations he had only promised to Viktor.

„And are you okay with that?“ Sir Talis raised his brow slowly.

Viktor shrugged. He felt small, but in front of the man, not scared.

„I guess I have to cope with that.“ he answered truthfully, giving the man a small smile.

There was a set of emotions that passed through the others face, before he settled back on a neutral one and waved at the bartender. „Can you open a tab for room two?“

Room two? Viktor was lost, but Sir Talis turned back to him quickly. „Come on, dear. Let’s go.“

He waited on Viktor, who struggled with the cane against the slippery floors, which Viktor noted as new.

Zach didn’t wait in here. He had explained it was because a dom would never walk next to his sub like that. That he was going to check out the club and Viktor could follow. That this wasn’t a case of eye-candy, and that Viktor shouldn’t be ridiculous.

Sir Talis brought him to one of the private rooms, a purple room with a huge couch that looked very comfortable.

Zach had once mentioned how expensive these rooms were.

There were some hooks in the walls, some chains that were able to be pulled down from the ceiling, but apart of that it looked like a completely normal living room.

Viktor had always wondered how these private rooms looked, staring at the interior, while Sir Talis closed the door behind them and sat down on the couch, grabbing a tablet that laid on the side table.

„The door is only locked from the outside, so you can get out at any time.“ he smiled, holding out the tablet. „You can also order some drinks if you like.“

Viktor blinked. The man had taken him away from the huge crowd, into one of the most expensive rooms and now offered him to order something to drink? On his tab aswell?

„Why?“ he asked a bit stupidly, causing the man to laugh and shrug.

„Well, in case you’re thirsty.“

Viktor managed to catch himself in the confusion, laughing at the little joke. He had to calm down. And the room helped.

„I meant to ask, why are you doing this for me?“ he got out, levelling his breath.

Sir Talis leaned back with a smile, shrugging. The way his shirt stretched over his arms was to die for. Viktor acted like he hadn’t looked at them.

„I don’t think anyone should need to sit alone by the bar and wait for their partner to be done with something that hurts them.“

That hit the nail right on the head.

„I never said it hurts me.“ Viktor tried, but Talis snorted.

„Ah, so you’re cool with it?“

And that was the thing. Viktor wanted to be cool with it. So so bad.

„Well it’s normal. If I want to be in the scene, I need to-„ Viktor brought up, but got interrupted by the man sitting up.

„What? Did he say that?!“

Viktor flinched at the reaction. He had not expected such an emotion. Maybe pity. But not this. Not a calm but genuine anger.

„Yeah. He said he usually has more subs and that I‘m just insecure if I don’t accept it.“ Viktor sat down on the big purple couch.
It was very comfortable.

„Wow.. the guy‘s a.. that’s not right.“

Viktor blinked. „Really?“
He had just not believed himself whenever those thoughts came up.

„What‘s your name, sweetheart? Or title, if you prefer.“ Sir Talis changed topics.

„Uh it’s Viktor. And title…“ Viktor played with his collar. „I didn’t know I could have one. I thought that’s a dom thing.“

Sir Talis eyebrows shot up.
„Call me Jayce, Viktor. Aslong as we‘re in here. Because i‘m going to speak on a personal matter now, not as a dom.“

Viktor nodded. Jayce. Jayce looked gorgeous.

Jayce leaned forward, hand reaching out to Viktor‘s thigh, hovering over it. „May I?“

Viktor nodded and Jayce soothingly put his hand down, carefully rubbing up and down.

It felt warm and wonderful. Comforting. He didn’t feel too warm or too sticky or too heavy. Viktor breathed.

He hadn’t known it could feel like that. That it could be nice, to be comforted by another man.

„You’re his sub, is that correct?“ Jayce carefully asked. Viktor nodded.

„And you’re also his boyfriend?“

Viktor nodded again. They had moved together a few months ago, because Zach had wanted to be closer to him. Viktor remembered thinking it was the biggest showcase of love anyone had ever shown him.

„Okay, Viktor.“ Jayce smiled.

„Subs can have titles. Subs also don’t have to follow everything that Doms want. And specifically, the most important thing: Subs can decide whether their Dom sleeps with others.“

Viktor looked up at Jayce. He wasn’t lying to him, he had no reason to.

„I have had multiple subs at the same time.“ Jayce explained kindly. „But my subs were always informed and okay with that. They knew each other too.“

Viktor thought about it. If Zach had introduced the girl to him, maybe it would have been fine. It wasn’t that he wanted to forbid Zach from doing it.

But he felt so powerless. And Zach had acted like that was his position anyways.

„I will leave you to it.“ Jayce smiled. „Keep the room as long as you like, I will block it for the rest of the night.“

Viktor wanted to ask him to stay, but he didn’t know how.

Jayce pulled his hand back, smiling and getting up.

„If you order drinks, they will knock on the door. You have to open it for them.“

He turned to leave.

„Thank you, Jayce.“ Viktor finally found his words.
He didn’t know what to do with the information he had been given.

„Of course Viktor.“ Jayce smiled. „But from now on, Sir Talis.“ he winked at him.

Viktor had to forcefully ignore the flash of heat that went through his body.

„Thank you, Sir.“ he heard himself say. It felt like cheating on Zach, but the words just tumbled right out. And they felt so right.

Jayce hummed, clearly reading Viktor.
„Of course, baby. Enjoy your night.“

With that, he left.

Viktor inhaled a big breath of air. God.

He had texted Zach to let him know when he was done, using the time to lay down and relax in the purple room. He wouldn’t order anything on Sir Talis‘ tab, it was bad enough the man was probably paying an insane amount for the room.

When Zach texted him question marks, and the information that he stood by the bar, Viktor‘s stomach dropped.

He hurried out of the room as quick as he could, cane slipping and making him strain his wrist.

Fuck.

He made his way to the bar, where Zach stood, arms crossed, a look on his face that Viktor knew all too well.

„Where the fuck have you been?!“ he hissed at Viktor, who knew he had to lie to get out of this.

It was something he wasn’t proud of. He hated lying. He hated being so fake.

But it was the only thing securing his relationship, his status between the two and the behavior that Zach showed him.

„I am sorry, Master.“ he had to force himself, his mind all of the sudden full of Jayce. He had to bite his tongue to not call him Sir.

„You better fucking be.“ Zach was furious. „Explain yourself. I put you here. Where the hell did you go?“

He had to come up with something.

That’s when they were interrupted by a gorgeous young woman, placing her arm around Viktor. He flinched, but let it happen.

„Hi, sorry to interrupt.“ she purred. „Are you this sub‘s dom?“

Zach was confused, but distracted by the pretty woman.

„Yeah.“ he said with something that Viktor had always begged to be pride. „He‘s mine. Why?“

„He spent the last hour with us, in sub training.“ she smiled, soothingly rubbing Viktor‘s back out of Zach’s sight.

Viktor didn’t understand what was happening but any comfort was much appreciated.

„Us? Who’s us?“ Zach snapped and the woman tilted her head with a small smile.

„Ah, my apologies, Sir. Viktor said you’re a very good caretaker, I shouldn’t just give you too little information.“ she bowed her head lightly.

Viktor desperately wanted to know how the hell she knew his name.

„My name is Elora. We are a group of submissives that meet here every week. We train how to be better for our Caretakers and Playpartners.“

She kept her hand on Viktor’s back.

Zach‘s face lit up. „Oh is that so? That’s lovely.“

Viktor managed a smile. Yes. Sure. He had trained how to be a good sub and not laid in an extremely expensive room with the possibility to order what he wanted paid by an extremely hot dom.

„I just wanted to ask if it would be alright if you returned next week?“ she smiled. „We‘d love to train together again.“

Viktor felt something flame up in himself, a feeling that he had tried to hide for months now. A feeling of anger, everytime someone wanted to make a decision for him, like he was a child. A neglected child, only wanting some freedom and peace.

„Sure, I think that can be arranged.“ Zach smiled. „Aslong as there‘s only subs with you?“

That snapped Viktor out of his anger. He had to push that away and to bury it deep.

Elora nodded quickly. „Of course, Sir. Goodbye, Viktor, til next week.“ she smiled at Viktor, who smiled back.

As Zach gave him a sign to follow, leading the way as always, Viktor turned to see who the woman had meant.

All he saw, however, was Sir Talis, looking down from the raised sitting area, giving him a small nod.

Alright.

Viktor gave him a nod back, before hurrying after Zach. Better not upset him any further.

Back in the car, Viktor waited.

He knew this wasn’t over. There was no way he could run away from Zach and face no consequences.

„You know what?“ Zach started, once they had parked outside their apartment.

Viktor felt sick. „What?“

„I‘m proud of you.“ Zach smiled and placed his hand on Viktor’s thigh.

All Viktor could think was how different it felt to Jayce‘s hand. It felt warm. Heavy. Like it was going to sink through his skin and bruise his bones.

„Why?“ Viktor looked up. Proud? That made no sense.

„Only a good sub realizes he’s doing bad and he needs to train some more.“ Zach smiled. „I‘m glad you’re tackling some issues and insecurities. That will put us so much further!“

Viktor’s mouth was dry. Further in what, a tiny voice in his head was screaming. Further in acting like what? And why?

„Well..“ he smiled. Zach had never been able to differentiate between real and fake. „I wanted to be better.“

It hurt him that part of this was true. That deep inside, he desperately wanted to be better so Zach would see it and love him more for it.

„And honestly-„ Zach opened the door and got out of the car, Viktor following to hear what he was saying.

„this fits my plans for next week perfectly, cause I already told Antonia i‘d spend it with her!“

Chapter Text

The week passed quickly, work and a bandaged wrist keeping Viktor busy enough to ignore what the weekend would mean.

Zach had agreed to sleep with the girl, Antonia, again, without talking to him prior.

Totally fine.

He just threw himself into work to be able to ignore it.

With getting home on friday, he realized that he had spent too much time pushing it away. His clothes for tonight were already on their bed.

Zach always picked them out, making sure that Viktor looked good, but not too good.

„Wouldn’t want anyone to think they can have you.“, he had said once, and even if Viktor wasn’t sure if it had been serious or just a joke, it had stuck with him.

He should shower, he decided, hearing Zach on his computer. He’d be probably busy until they’d get ready to leave.

Which gave Viktor enough time to take care of himself before he’d have to spend another sad night at the club.

He was sure that he would not get an extremely expensive room to relax in again, that was the kind of luck you only had once.

He still couldn’t entirely grasp what had happened and why it had happened, noticing that he was a little nervous to see Sir Talis again tonight.

He grabbed some loungewear to wear after his shower and made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Zach disliked locked doors, but when he was busy Viktor got to do whatever he wanted. He wouldn’t notice anyways.

He turned the bathroom’s heater to have a cozy temperature to shower with, starting to shed his work clothes and his braces.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He really wanted some change. A haircut maybe. Or finally letting his hair grow.

With a sigh at himself and his life decisions he stepped into the shower, deciding to take care of business first and washing his hair and his body.

When he was done rinsing, he grabbed the shower head, always needing a moment to breathe and talk himself into it.

He wanted this. There was no reason it wasn’t allowed.

He carefully got onto his back, spreading his legs as he thought of himself in the club again.

Maybe in an outfit he’d like himself in, a tight top and a pair of flare bottoms.

His fingers slid over his nipples, down to his cunt, breath hitching when he got to a sensitive spot on his clit.

Maybe someone would take good care of him. Touch him where he liked it.

He imagined someone else was touching him, that he was sitting in a dark room with his hands tied.

Viktor spread his legs a little further, angling his hips.

Carefully he took the shower head into his right hand, angling the spray of water onto his middle.

It took a second, before his body reacted, making him gasp.

The water massaged his clit in a steady rhythm.

Viktor imagined someone else was holding it to him, leaning back on his now free hand, eyes scrunched closed.

Someone else would make him feel good, would praise him for how good he was doing.

Would make sure to touch all the spots that Viktor knew he liked having touched. That he kept sacred, for someone who was willing to find out by themselves. For someone who was willing to take their time.

He rolled his hips down.

Before he could stop himself, his mind wandered to strong, tan hands, pressing his legs apart.

To strong, tan hands, running his hand through his hair like he was something cherished, before pulling on it.

Viktor wanted to feel it so bad, forgetting for a second what he was doing.

Forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to do this, to imagine someone else.

The name engraved itself into his brain, thinking it like he was shouting it while he shook through his orgasm.

Sir Talis. Sir Talis. Sir Talis.

He bit his lip, redirecting the water to face away from his clit, so that he could breathe. Jesus christ.

No one could ever know that. Ever. Specifically not Zach.

He went to greet Zach once he had finished taking care of himself, a hair mask and put on some makeup aswell.

The outfit was uncomfortable, but Zach smirked proudly, so it was a win.

„Have you dolled yourself up for me?“ Zach smirked and grabbed Viktor‘s thigh.

„Of course.“ Viktor hummed playfully, enjoying the small moment of power he had.

Zach hummed. „But you know I‘m not playing with you tonight, babyboy.“

Viktor wanted to sigh.

Truly a ruined moment.

„I know.“ Viktor tried his best to smile softly, grabbing his phone. „I‘ll go and charge this. Let me know when we can leave.“

He wanted to leave, but Zach held him back. „What was that? I gave you a compliment, little one.“

God he hated being called that. He wasn’t fucking little.

„Thank you, Master.“ he smiled and tilted his head slightly.

„Good job.“ Zach turned back to his computer, so Viktor took that as a sign to finally being allowed to leave.

He really didn’t want to go to the club tonight.

Arriving at the club, Zach was obviously already inside, and probably also inside Antonia, when Viktor helplessly looked around.

He knew it was wrong to hope for Sir Talis again.

No one was that lucky twice, he reminded himself. He just needed to find something else to spend his time with.

Maybe the woman that had saved him last time…

„Viktor!“ her voice came from behind him, making him turn. Thank god.

She was dressed in a gorgeous dark red set of latex, her hair up in two adorable space buns.

„I‘m glad you could make it.“ she smiled. „Are you alone again?“

Jayce, Sir Talis, must had filled her in last week. He had made sure Zach hadn’t been able to be mad at him, with a well placed lie.

„Yeah.“ Viktor smiled, the woman nodding. „Come on, we‘re in room four.“

She walked with him there. Viktor was starting to wonder if it was because she was a sub aswell, or if Zach was just an asshole.

He quickly shoved that thought away. This wasn’t fair towards Zach. Zach just followed certain rules of these places.

Room four was gorgeous and cream white and a beautiful warm yellow. Viktor was wondering if the rooms were all this colorful.

At this rate of being left alone by Zach and adopted by random people, maybe he’d find out.

The room wasn’t empty, a few people lounging on one of the couches, all close to each other. It looked sweet. Familiar.

„Now that we’re here, we can speak freely.“ the saving grace grinned at him. Viktor was to ashamed to tell her he had forgotten her name.

She blinked, starting to smile like she was able to read his mind.

„Elora.“
Thank god. The name fit her. She was gorgeous.

„Viktor.“ Viktor nodded. „But you already know that.“

She chuckled and nodded. „I‘m sorry, I hope you weren’t made uncomfortable by my behavior last week. J- Sir Talis told me about your situation only briefly, but I wanted to make sure no one screamed at you.“

Viktor nodded. She had wanted to call him Jayce. So they knew each other privately. Interesting.

„Not uncomfortable.“ he added. „I am very grateful. You certainly didn’t need to do this. Or bring me here.“ he gestured vaguely.

The room was bigger than the other one. Probably more expensive too.

Elora chuckled and waved him off. „Don’t even worry. I‘m not paying for it. And between us, I think whoever is paying for it, also isn’t paying for it.“

Viktor furrowed his brows in confusion, but Elora waved him off.

„Let‘s sit a little and order some drinks!“

Elora was, aside from being a submissive to mostly her girlfriend, an insanely smart woman and working as a lawyer.

They talked about their jobs for a good hour, both able to share client stories.

At one point Elora praised being a double income household and Viktor had to agree with her through gritted teeth.

He loved talking to her.

He had truly forgotten how much he loved talking to other people, spending some time with people his age.

He had really completely dropped contact to anyone since Zach, except for some of his friends and these events.

Well, except for the part where he hadn’t been allowed to talk to anyone at these events until last week.

It was truly refreshing.

He hadn’t even noticed time passing, until the door opened, expecting Zach.

It wasn’t Zach.

„Viktor.“ Sir Talis face lit up immediately and Viktor wanted to die at the fact that he felt himself grow hot.

He had remembered him. And his name.

„I‘m so glad that my wonderful Elora found you.“ Sir Talis winked, putting his hand on Elora‘s shoulder, who snorted.

„Your? Elora?“ she raised her brow with a playful smile.

„What, is that wrong?“ Jayce grinned.

„Are you worth that much, Sir Talis?“

Viktor inhaled sharply.

The backtalk to a dom, that disrespectful ? He prepared himself for the worst, clenching his fists tightly.

But nothing happened. Sir Talis laughed, nodding softly.

„Yeah, okay, maybe only part-time my Elora.“

Viktor didn’t know what caused more whiplash. The fact that apparently Sir Talis and Elora had been intimate with each other or that Elora had just backtalked and the dom had laughed and even agreed with her?

„Are you alright, Viktor?“

He tried to focus on Elora, who looked genuinely concerned.

„Yeah. Yeah, sorry.“ he tried to catch himself.

What the fuck was he even doing here? He shouldn’t be here. These people weren’t like him. Everything was easier here, better.

He shouldn’t be here, he belonged to someone else and he had given a promise. He had given a promise and he was breaking it just by longing for something else.

Sir Talis hand rested comfortably on Elora‘s shoulder. Not even on her goddamn collar. Not in the back of her neck.

It was friendly.

“Is there a bathroom?” Viktor managed to say.

Elora nodded, brows still furrowed in what Viktor loosely recognized as worry.

God, someone was worried for him.

Someone he didn’t even know for longer than a week. And a conversation.

She pointed him to the white door on the opposite wall.

„Thank you.“ he tried to hide tears that were already on their way to come out, making his way over to mentioned door, as quickly as he could with the cane.

He found a large restroom, taking the first stall, before dropping himself against a wall in there, inhaling deeply.

What the fuck was happening?

He felt sick, his heartrate was spiking, he was so fucking scared.

Zach was going to find out.

Zach was going to come and see Viktor and know immediately, know that Viktor had experienced something second-hand, that should have stayed hidden.

The fact that there was a relationship between dom and sub that was so casual, so fun, so loving even.

He had to calm down, pressing the palm of his hand into the skin between his eyes, trying to swallow the sob.

He would fucking die in here, that was the best plan. Never face the world outside of this stall again.

The real world, with no shared income, but a job with at least 60 hours per week. The real world, with household duties and a fucking issue every other week. The real world, in which dating your dom was everything but romantic.

He didn’t even want to think it, but it was to late, sobbing quietly.

He felt so fucking trapped. He didn’t know when he had last breathed before the hour with Elora tonight.

„Viktor?“

A male voice pulled him out of it, making him gasp in tears.

It was Jayce. Sir Talis. Fuck.

He pressed a hand to his mouth, trying to keep the sobs in.

„Viktor, darling, I know you’re in there.“

The voice was so calm, so sweet.

Was he really not mad? Or was he just waiting to scream so it would hurt more?

Viktor couldn’t help but hate himself for making such an assumption about the man. He didn’t know him for that long. It was rude to just assume he‘d be here to hurt him.

On the other hand, all the knowledge he had about doms and was so unsure about now, was running leaps in his head.

„Your stall is not locked. I‘m going to come in now.“

The door opened and Sir Talis slid inside, closing the door behind him again, a small understanding smile on his face.

„Hey.“

Viktor bit his lip, giving him a small nod, but not looking him in the eye. He just couldn’t.

He had totally overreacted and if that wasn’t embarassing enough, he was crying in the stall of a bdsm club, while his boyfriend and caretaker was fucking someone else.

„I‘m going to touch you, Viktor.“

All of the sudden, Sir Talis‘ voice was very close. Viktor hadn’t even noticed he was being crowded.

„It‘s nothing sexual. It’s not wrong. I’m not putting you in a situation.“ he stated slowly.
„I just see a human in a hard situation, and I want to help him regulate his nervous system.“

Viktor didn’t get time to react, as two huge hands carefully grabbed his face.

Viktor‘s eyes fluttered shut.

It felt nice. Warm. Safe.

With his thumbs, Sir Talis wiped his tears away.

This wasn’t Sir Talis, a thought came up. This was Jayce. The man that he had talked to last week.

„There you go.“ Jayce‘s voice was a deep rumble, but kind nontheless. It felt comforting in a way that was new.

Like there wasn’t anything to add. Like it was kindness without a follow up.

Viktor’s shoulders slowly dropped and he leaned forward, into Jayce‘s embrace, who took his hands off of his face to pull him into the hug properly.

Viktor hid himself in the man’s chest like there were no consequences.

Like he had a right to feel so good here, so warm.

„No matter what it is, you don’t have to be alone with it.“

Jayce‘s hand ran through his hair, scratching the back of his head and Viktor wasn’t sure he had ever been touched so gently yet so nicely.

He had never been pet before. Like a cat, with small gentle scratches.

It would be embarrassing how good it felt, but Jayce didn’t give him much time to think, grabbing his hair in his fist.

Viktor’s breath hitched as he flinched, preparing himself to be pulled back hard.

„Ssssh, relax yourself. I‘ll make you feel good.“ Jayce‘s voice was right next to his ear.

Viktor felt the heat rush down his spine, pooling in his gut. It wasn’t fair, so he just hummed in agreement to whatever Jayce was going to do, still preparing himself for pain.

Pain didn’t come.

Jayce pulled - just that it didn’t feel like pulling.

He tensed his hand, making the entire back of Viktor’s head feel a levelled sense of tension.

It was perfect.

Viktor‘s head lightly lulled back, his eyes rolling back in the release.

„Thats a good boy.“ Jayce whispered and fuck. Fuck.

Viktor wasn’t sure if the original statement of Sir Talis, of this not being sexual, of this not crossing any line, was correct.

This had to be Sir Talis, because getting such a treatment… Viktor couldn’t coordinate it.

His head was spinning with how good it felt, when Jayce relaxed his hand, the tension dropping but a warm feeling spreading at the back of his head.

Viktor breathed.

It felt so good.

„Thank you.“ he spoke, eyes still closed.

He knew, in a few hours he’d lay in bed and try to find excuses for this behavior. Find excuses for letting someone else touch him.

Zach was never allowed to know about this.

„Stop worrying, Viktor.“ Jayce‘s voice was at his ear again.

„I‘m not fucking you against this wall, am I?“

Viktor gasped softly, eyes flying open, but Jayce was already letting go of him with a small chuckle.

He was gorgeous when he smiled. Fuck.

„All good?“ Jayce grinned.

Viktor had to think.

It was all good. Jayce was right. He hadn’t been fucked. He hadn’t been kissed. He had just been calmed down from a panic attack. Nothing else.

„All good.“ he nodded, straightening his back, putting more weight on his cane.

He was going to manage somehow.

Chapter Text

The rest of the evening went by nicely.

Viktor had somehow managed to ignore his terrifying revelation, enjoying the time with the team surrounding Jayce.

They were all wonderful, smart and genuinely kind.

Viktor didn’t know what kind of wormhole he had travelled through.
All of Zach‘s friends were awful.

Not that Zach was allowed to know that.

They had moved back to the main hall, sitting at the bar, because at one point Zach would be done. And Viktor wasn’t keen on him knowing that they had been in the very expensive private rooms. With gorgeous doms frequenting their spaces.

„Viktor!“

There he was.

Viktor turned around to Zach, who seemed to be in a good mood.

Good. That made the next few days much, much easier.

„How are you, baby?“ Zach crowded him against the bar. Oh, he was in a very good mood.

Public affection.

But it was good. This was good.

Viktor made up his mind in that second. He was going to enjoy every second of this new, weird taste of life. And lie to Zach, if necessary.

„Hello, Master.“ he smiled. Elora next to him made a light head motion, that told Viktor she was eavesdropping on them.

„I‘m okay.“ he added swiftly, not having forgotten the question.

„That‘s good. Your Master made some pretty people feel really good tonight.“ Zach growled, something in Viktor breaking.

This was Zach‘s version of dirty talk. This was Zach being proud of his work as a dom. And Viktor, as a good sub, had to show his interest. Had to be proud and impressed aswell.

No matter how much it hurt.

Elora had tensed up next to him, only noticeable for Viktor. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her shocked expression.

„Really?“ Viktor smirked, pushing his hair behind his ear.

He was gonna manage.

„Yeah. And you’re next, pretty boy.“

Great.

Viktor hummed. „Whatever you say, master. I’ll do anything.“

Maybe it was the guilt for what Sir Talis had done, maybe it was the fact that they hadn’t slept with each other in a while.

Maybe it was the fact that Viktor just wanted to get off after tonight.

„Perfect. Then let’s leave.“ Zach nodded. „You can say goodbye to your little-„

Whatever condescending thing he had wanted to say was interrupted, by no one else but Jayce, who crowded the two of them.

„Hello.“ the man grinned.

Zach raised his brow, his facial expression something stern.

Viktor knew that Zach hated men like Jayce. Muscular, good looking ones. He had once ranted for an hour, how fake these doms were. How they were only respected because of their good looks.

Viktor wasn’t sure he could agree.

„Hello.“ Zach answered, visibly trying to look bigger.

„I didn’t want to bother at all, but my subs have mentioned to me that Viktor has been spending some time with them.“ Jayce explained calmly.

„They said he‘s been gushing about you and what a good dom you are.“ he added with a small smile and Viktor was worried that the praise was too much and Zach would not fall for it.

But instead, Zach grew three sizes, a small grin showing up on his face.

„Well, we do what we can, hm?“ Zach laughed, putting an arm around Viktor.

Elora pulled a disgusted face.

Jayce chuckled. „Yeah, not always easy.“

Viktor didn’t really know Jayce, yet he was able to see that the man was lying, acting, to appeal to Zach. His smile didn’t reach his eyes at all.

„I actually wanted to ask if you’d like to come here next thursday. A small group of good doms gets together with their subs, it’s a bit of shared play, sometimes a good soil for humiliation scenes.“ Jayce explained kindly.

That took Viktor by surprise.

Jayce was inviting them to an.. exclusive event?

„Who’s organizing it?“ Zach raised his brow. Of course he wasn’t sure of it. Of course he wanted to know it all.

„Oh that’s just a few doms from this club.“ Jayce smiled. „It will be a very exclusive experience, with a guest list and food and beverages being taken of.“

„What, can we finally drink?“ Zach laughed and Viktor was able to see how everyone around them tensed up a little.

„Ah, sorry to disappoint.“ Jayce smirked, lightly tilting his head.
„We don’t allow alcohol at any play events.“

To Viktor‘s horror, Zach seemed to feel superior.

„Bit prude, don’t you think?“

Before Jayce or anyone else was able to answer, Zach shook his head at himself.

„I don’t care, we will be there. Master Zach and his sub Viktor, for your fancy list.“

Viktor would have liked to maybe discuss that first, to check if work allowed spending his thursday evening here.

He pulled himself together. It was an honor to be invited and it was an honor that his dom would take him.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to bring them back together.

Maybe Zach could even learn some of the things that Jayce seemed to know.

That was probably wishful thinking.

„Alright, i‘m happy to hear that!“ Jayce clapped his hands. „We will play upstairs in one of the bigger playrooms. It will be fun.“

For a second, Viktor had to imagine that. Being played with, maybe even being fucked, in a room full of people doing the same.

In a room with Sir Talis doing the same.

Would he take Elora? Or someone else?

Viktor had seen a young man earlier, in the yellow room on the couches, with a similar body type to his. Hair a bit longer, face a bit prettier.

Maybe Jayce would sleep with him. Maybe Viktor would be able to see.

„It‘s going to be lovely!“ Elora chimed in. „We sometimes have workshops too!“

Zach ignored her words, telling Viktor they’d leave now and Viktor gave Elora a small smile. Elora returned the smile with a similar expression. She was pitiful towards him.

On the way back to the car, he couldn’t help but feel a deep hole in his stomach, as every time Zach was rude to someone. He just didn’t want people to think he was like that.

Zach had been wonderful. He had helped Viktor through some major surgeries, but also top surgery. Had accepted him as a trans man immediately, had never misgendered him.

Viktor didn’t want to think bad of someone who had shown that much grace.

„You‘ll have to train a lot if you want to be good on Thursday.“ Zach pointed out when changing lanes onto the highway.
„Don’t want your friends to think you’re a bad sub.“

Viktor remembered those words when he tried to part his legs further, hoping to get some more friction from Zach fucking him.

He moaned, throwing his head back, in the hopes he’d be able to believe the whole thing. It was like he was able to hear himself too well, moaning for himself.

Maybe his own moans would be able to turn him on well enough.

He was grinding his hips against the rhythm that Zach had picked to push into him.

It really wasn’t that terrible. Viktor liked being filled up, that had always been the case.

But with Zach, it never hit right. He felt full, and with a rare toy to his clit or some luck, it was enough to make him come.

Most of the time, however, it was Zach who came, and that was enough.

That's what this was for after all.

Zach‘s orgasm.

Viktor wondered what else he’d have to train to be a good sub, since he was already accepting the complete usage of his body.

„Ah fuck.“ Zach growled, stopping for a few seconds to catch his breath. He was close, his hair sticking to his forehead.

„You‘re mine, slut, mine only.“ he grinned down at Viktor, who gave a small moan in return.

His only. Viktor would never disagree.

But as Zach picked up his pace again, finally finding something that at least made Viktor gasp for air, Viktor imagined how it would be to belong to someone else.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

No. Fuck no, this wasn’t okay.

He couldn’t think about someone else, especially not a specific someone, while Zach was inside of him.

But his mind worked against his willpower, and caused, just for a second, the picture of Sir Talis to show up, who was fucking into him.

The shame felt warm, making his dick tingle with the rush of blood. Viktor moaned. He was getting close.

Zach changed his pace.

Usually he would have been unhappy about this, but this was good, he told himself.

This way he could grasp his thoughts and control himself, and be what he was supposed to be.

A good sub to his Master.

Zach came deep inside of him.

Viktor missed the time when they had used condoms.

But it wasn’t like he could argue that there was a point in using them. He wasn’t going to get pregnant, and Zach wanted to claim what was his.

Brushing his teeth in the bathroom, Viktor couldn’t help but stare at himself in the mirror.

The yellow light made his features look soft, and the makeup he had wiped away had left some black residue, some small patches under his eyes.

He had cleaned himself thoroughly, his own orgasm long forgotten.

It wasn’t necessary, and it wouldn’t be. Not with the shame that he had lodged deep in his chest.

His body, however, reacted otherwise, his middle burning with how wrong it was, how forbidden. Viktor hated himself for it.

He washed out his mouth, the cold water helping to ground himself.

He wasn’t a cheater. He had never been one and he absolutely despised it. No one deserved feeling that way, not Zach, not anyone.

I also don’t, a small voice in his mind screamed at him. He wiped the wet corners of his mouth on the back of his hand, his mind running circles with the statement.

Maybe he didn’t deserve that.

But it wasn’t cheating, he reminded himself. It wasn’t. Zach had asked, had explained to him why it was important, and Viktor had agreed. Had been understanding.

That was what a good partner did, right?

He decided to give up as he moved back to bed, hiding under the covers and letting sleep take him.

This kind of thinking wouldn’t get him anywhere. He had something to mentally prepare for.

Playtime in the surroundings of Sir Talis.

Thursday rolled around fast. In a blink of an eye, Viktor clocked out of work and was driving home.
He begged not to find prepared clothing on the bed today, and got lucky.

Zach allowed him to dress however he liked. Thank god.

He hit the shower, Zach still busy on the computer, this time not locking the door.

He wouldn’t upset his master with such an event coming up, and he also wouldn’t allow himself to come before.

He was vibrating with anticipation.

And he wanted to feel every bit of it.

Every single little electrical surge that went through him, whether it was caused by the nervousness or the excitement, or just the idea of what would happen tonight.

He couldn’t wait, grooming himself accordingly.

Every hair was cut, every nail was filed, every piece of his skin was exfoliated and then moisturized.

He wouldn‘t make Zach regret picking him for this.

He wanted this so bad. He wanted to be a good sub, and that in front of others. This was his holy grail, something he had always wished for. He’d make it count.

Picking an outfit alone wasn’t easy. It was simple to find something he liked seeing on himself, but he knew it had to appeal to Zach as well.

He tried to ignore the statement of easy access, choosing comfortable pants and a black blouse. He grabbed a robe, however. If it was a proper play event, and Zach would want to play, he wanted to be prepared.

He didn’t even know what to expect.

Maybe it would be ridiculous. Maybe it would be totally boring, just sitting around and talking.

But Jayce had described playing together.

And Zach loved playing with Viktor.

With his final choices made, he sat down to relax and mentally prepare himself.

He‘d be a good sub tonight. The best that Zach had ever seen.

And the best that Sir Talis had ever seen. Even if that didn’t matter. At all.

Chapter Text

Arriving at the club, Viktor was buzzing.

He didn’t know if it was anxiety or excitement, and frankly, he didn’t care.

Zach was also in a surprisingly good mood, making all of this much easier.

Viktor was used to tone down his excitement, just naturally, to fit better into the shape of a man that had a place next to Zach.

But this was making it particularly hard.

He had always dreamt of events like this.

The idea of bdsm, that was something Viktor had learned very recently, was very different to what he had always imagined and what he had been taught.

It wasn’t satin and dark red rooms with only model-like people in perfect outfits, hitting each other in a tasteful way.

It also wasn’t all strict and crazy, the way Zach had portrayed it.

It was much more human, much more an interesting hobby.

He loved it.

He couldn’t blame Zach for giving him a wrong picture, since he simply was that way. He expected these things from Viktor nonetheless, even if, apparently, not every dom acted the same. And even if there was a softer way to do it.

But standing in line to the club, only couples surrounding them, he was still content.

This was going to be fun. In the correct way.

Their names were on the guest list, and they each received a bracelet, Zach receiving one in red, Viktor receiving one in blue.

The plastic was a little uncomfortable against his skin, but nothing that he couldn’t live with.

Being uncomfortable was part of being a sub after all.

It was weird seeing the club empty. The lights were still dimmed and colorful, but there was no music, no people on couches, no active dancefloor, no one on stage.

They made their way up the stairs, Viktor happy that Zach was fine with waiting on him today, arriving in the play hall.

It looked a little like someone had painted a dancing hall or a gym in black.

There was a small bar and a buffet in a corner, an area with couches, a small makeshift stage, doors to a changing area and tons mats on the floor in the middle of the room.

It felt comfy, like it was natural. Some people were eating already, some were stretching in the middle.

He couldn’t help but look for Sir Talis.

Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be seen.

Elora, however, came towards them, a gorgeous woman accompanying her.

„Viktor! I‘m so happy you made it!“ Elora pulled Viktor into a hug. Viktor laughed and hugged her back, only realizing mid hug that he hadn’t even asked Zach if that was alright.

He had been lured in by the comfort this place radiated, how relaxed everyone was here.

The strict idea of bdsm was gone- and with it the rules that Zach had set.

That wasn’t okay. Zach deserved someone who listened.

Viktor quickly pulled back, giving Elora a small smile. „Sorry.“ he whispered at Zach, who just shook his head at him.

He was disappointed. Viktor’s stomach sank.

„I‘m so happy to see you here!“ Elora pulled his attention back. „May I introduce you ? This is my domme, Mel.“

A sub introducing her dom?

Viktor was confused but also distracted by the gorgeous woman.

Mel, a red band on her arm, smiled softly and held her hand out, which Viktor took without question.

Zach scoffed next to him. Fuck.

Mel, if she had heard it, ignored it, giving Viktor a smile.

„It’s lovely to meet you, Viktor. My Elora has only mentioned good things about you.“

„Yeah, he’s wonderful.“ Zach brought up, tone sour.

Mel stayed calm, gently retrieving her hand from Viktor’s. Everything about her screamed power. It was like a golden halo was surrounding her.

„Is there an issue?“ She asked, now finally looking at Zach. If looks could kill, Zach would probably be on the floor right now.

Viktor wanted to run away. He looked at Elora, to see if she was scared of this as well, but Elora was giving him a gentle, calm smile.

„You don’t need to try and get with my sub, that is all.“ Zach shrugged, tone stern.

What?! Viktor‘s head whipped around to Zach. She had said hello. There was nothing crazy about it.

Mel started smiling. It wasn’t a nice smile. It was a smile that gave Viktor goosebumps.

„Let it be known, if I wanted to get your sub, it wouldn’t be an issue. However, I just wanted to be polite. Something that I recommend in these places. Or anywhere, really. You‘d be surprised how many doors it opens.“ her voice was stern and Viktor, just for a second, envied Elora.

This woman had to be a brutal force in bed.

Zach scoffed, raising his chin. Oh god.

Viktor knew he shouldn’t involve himself. But at this rate, they‘d be kicked out at any second.

„I need some fresh air, Master. Please?“ he pulled on Zach’s arm. Zach looked down at him, jaw set closed.

„Sure.“ he agreed, but he didn’t seem happy about it.

Mel, however, seemed to be relaxed again, gifting Viktor another smile.

„There’s a balcony right out that door, sweetheart. Have fun.“ she pulled Elora away before Zach could start another fight, and Viktor tried to nudge Zach to mentioned balcony.

He just wanted to get out.

„You shouldn’t have interrupted.“ Zach growled once they were on the little balcony.

Viktor had known this would be an issue.

„I know, Master, I‘m sorry.“ Viktor couldn’t say anything else.

„I had it handled! Fuck, do you not respect me at all?!“

The rage was making Viktor’s skin crawl.

„I do, Master, I-“ he tried, but Zach wasn’t listening.

„This fucking bitch thinks she can have you? I’m the best thing you‘ve ever had.“

„Yes you are, Master.“ Viktor flinched at the insult. He was hoping, begging, that no one was listening.

„We‘ll show her.“ Zach set his mind to something, and while Viktor was glad that he seemed to calm down, that the rage was ebbing off, the statement made him nervous.

With others coming out onto the balcony, Zach pulled him back inside, keeping him close.

Viktor enjoyed having someone so close that he could hide in them, pressing himself up against Zach’s side.

„Don’t get emotional now.“ Zach pointed out. „You‘ll have to be good.“

Viktor nodded courtly. He’d do his best, that much was sure.

He didn’t want to upset Zach again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the people coming in and settling in the space. Everyone seemed happy, relaxed. Every dom, so everyone with a red band as he had noticed, seemed to simply enjoy themselves. Some were even holding onto their subs.
With some, Viktor couldn’t help but stare and enjoy seeing the doms so calm and so fine with presenting in a vulnerable fashion.

Doms that seemed like they were just happy to be with their sub, no anger, no overpowering. Viktor wondered if he’d ever get Zach to be like that, before catching himself in said thoughts.

For fucks sake, he had just ended a discussion with him and made it somehow alright again. He couldn’t risk getting caught up in unfair hopes and wishes now.

They walked along the buffet, Zach looking disgusted for the most part and Viktor just secretly hoping no one would notice.

Out of the corner of his eye, he finally saw Sir Talis. Fuck, his heart clenched the moment he saw him.

He was gorgeous, his hair done as always, but a uniform-like outfit on. His boots were polished nicely and the band on his arm was…

…yellow?

Viktor couldn’t help but stare.

What the hell did yellow mean? Both? But he had seen people wearing both, Red and blue. He had figured that was a sign of being both.

Something that Zach had always judged, too.

„No one in their right mind is a switch.“ he had once said, shaking his head. „There’s people who take the lead and people who need to be lead. Anything in between is just too weak for a proper mindset.“

Viktor couldn’t take his eyes off of the yellow band. When he did look up, he realized Jayce was looking at him as well.

Oh. Oh. Fuck.

He tried a small smile, Sir Talis raising his brow and tilting his head, but returning the smile.

God he was even more gorgeous like this. Fuck.

„Are you even listening to me?“ Zach‘s voice was angry and Viktor jumped.

„What? I- I‘m sorry, Master, I-„

„Honestly, what the fuck is up with you?!“ Zach whispered into his ear now.
„Should I have brought someone else?!“

That hurt. Viktor felt slapped across the face.

„No.“ Viktor swallowed. „No, Master.“

„God. You better make it up to me later. You can do it right in front of everyone after all. Make sure they see who you belong to.“ Zach growled.

Great. He’d have to get over some internal shame really, really quickly. There was no place for fear.

He deemed himself lucky that Zach gave it time.

He had met a friend of his, here with his sub, and was happily chatting away with this other dom.

Viktor was glad.

That way he was able to watch the more courageous people, ready to take the playing floor, some helping each other in positions, a couple making out in a ravenous manner, some undressing.

Viktor remembered the robe he had wanted to bring. Fuck. He had completely forgotten about it.

There were changing rooms to his right, so maybe he could just undress to a more comfortable level. He was wearing a blouse, maybe he’d be allowed to keep it on? That and underwear? It should work.

Some people crossed his field of view, basically naked except for their boots.

The lights had been dimmed even further a few minutes ago, music playing in the background.

It all looked natural. Much less stressful than Viktor had anticipated. He couldn’t find panic or insecurity in the faces of the people on the playing floor. Not even nervousness.

Only bliss and the full attention of their dom and some people surrounding them.

Zach laughed next to him about something the other dom, Micheal, had said.

Michaels sub was a gorgeous young woman, her blonde hair cut into a pretty pixie cut.

She seemed to listen intently to her dom, hanging on his every word.

Maybe Viktor was the asshole here.

It took another while, a while that Viktor really tried his best to concentrate on what Zach was saying, before Zach decided it was time.

„Go change.“ he motioned his head to the changing rooms and Viktor did as he was told, gripping his cane until his knuckles turned white.

This night had gone terribly so far. He had to make up for it now.

He shed off his layers, placing the brace back onto his leg without the pants under it. The cold metal made him hiss.

He was generally not exactly the most confident person, but he’d be good.

He kept the blouse on, hoping Zach wouldn’t mind. The back brace wasn’t exactly fucking sexy.

He left his clothes with someone from the staff, who told him his number.

He’d try his best to remember it.

Returning to Zach, he already knew he had done wrong when seeing his dom’s face.

„Did you have to keep it on?“ Zach jerked his head at the brace.

„I know. It’s ugly.“ Viktor nodded. „But the pain has been worse lately and I-„

„It’s fine.“ Zach shook his head. „It’s not like anyone is going to be staring anyways. Come on.“

Viktor wasn’t sure he wanted to know what that meant. It was something good that no one would be staring.

Zach was being rough. He kissed Viktor, roughly. He grabbed Viktor, roughly. He tried to make sure that every part of Viktor was taken in entirely.

A part of Viktor was happy. Felt cherished, and aroused, being taken like Zach was a storm, an undeniable force that Viktor had to give in to.

Another part of him, however, felt like this wasn’t loving. Felt like this was only anger.

Zach bit him. He had bitten him before, and it was generally something Viktor liked, loved even. But this wasn’t a well placed bite, with just the right amount of strength.

Zach bit him, pressing his teeth together like he wanted to rip a part out of Viktor, like the grinding of his teeth would take his flesh apart and make it become pliant.

Viktor barely managed not to scream, thanking the gods when Zach stopped the ravishing and looked at him.

„Now get on your knees.“ Zach growled, and his tone was stern.

Viktor felt like his head had been filled with water, the way his thoughts started moving around in it. Panic started to surge his veins. He hated having to talk back, he didn’t want to.

„I.. I can’t kneel, Master, you know I can’t-„

„Stop being a brat.“ Zach growled, grabbing into Viktor’s neck. „Get on your fucking knees.“

Viktor felt like sobbing, while Zach lifted himself to stand. He couldn’t kneel. It was one of those great losses that being disabled was bringing you in sex.

„My god, are you fucking retarded? Kneel!“ Zach hissed through his teeth.

Viktor couldn’t hear or see anything around them. This was new. And scary.

He tried to set his balance onto a part of his knee that was stable enough, but to no avail.

He had to stop Zach. Something he had never done before. But this was going too far. This wasn’t rough sex anymore. He felt uncomfortable and he wanted it to stop.

„Yellow.“ Viktor spoke it against his screaming brain.

Zach looked at him in shock, and for a small second Viktor thought that he had realized what he had done, before Zach‘s warm hand grabbed Viktor’s chin. Zach‘s face was angry, but he wore a smile.

„Oh, you fucking think so? You think you can disrespect me the whole night and then get yourself out of punishment? You really want all of your friends to see how pathetic-„

Viktor closed his eyes, scared of the impact.

„Get your fucking hands off of him.“

Viktor ripped his eyes open. Sir Talis, hovering over Zach with the scariest look on his face. Oh fuck.

Zach did let go, allowing Viktor to breathe. He felt like he was going to fall apart, but there was a hand on his back the next second, and someone else by his side.

Mel and Elora.

Elora gave him a comforting smile, rubbing his back.

What the fuck was going on?

Zach looked furious, rising to stand and look at Sir Talis threateningly.

„Who do you think you are?! He’s my fucking sub, I get to do to him whatever I want!“

The fact that Zach really didn’t see an issue with what he had done, made Viktor want to puke.

„You can do whatever you want to whoever you want, outside of this club.“ Sir Talis smiled politely, but there was a blood vessel on his forehead that said something entirely different. His body language was threatening Zach right back.

„Inside of this club, though…“ Jayce stepped even closer, one hand relaxed in his pocket, Zach moving back out of instinct. „.. the dismissal of a sub‘s safeword means a sexual assault charge.“

Zach scoffed, but his demeanor changed into something stressed.

„Sexual assault? Oh come on, he deserves to be treated this way! Why should I stop because of a little-„

Viktor‘s ears started rushing with embarrassment and he looked down at his hands to try and hide the tears welling up in his eyes. God, this was so fucking ridiculous.

Mel gave him a sign and then pulled Viktor up to stand. „Come on. Balcony. Now."

Unable to say no to her and really wanting to get out, Viktor did as he had been told, taking his cane and trying to keep up with them.

Zach was still speaking, apparently not noticing that two bodyguards had joined his little monologue at Sir Talis.

Viktor stepped out onto the balcony and took a deep breath. With the door closing behind him, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to zone out entirely.

He had to calm down.

Chapter Text

Jayce entered the playroom to check where he was needed, earning a snicker from Felicia.

„You‘re still pulling the yellow-band bullshit?“ she pointed to his arm.

Jayce grinned, walking over to the makeshift buffet they had built on tables, starting to help where he could.

„I think it was a great idea.“ Jayce shrugged.

„It just looks like you have a piss kink, Jayce.“Felicia handed him some wrapped plates to unpack.

Jayce laughed. „Yeah, maybe. But most of us know what it means. Or, used to mean, for that matter.“

„What are we talking about?“ Elora joined the conversation, removing the saran foil from the salads.

„Jayce‘s yellow band and his inability to let go.“ Felicia rolled her eyes with a grin, earning a nudge from Jayce.

„Why would I let go, I loved our old color system.“ Jayce pouted, unpacking the cups.

„Considering letting go.“ Elora smirked, earning Felicia‘s attention.
Jayce couldn’t shake off the feeling this wasn’t going to end well for him.

„You invited him.“ Elora grinned and Jayce knew what this was going to be.

„Oh my god. The boy he’s been thinking about?“ Felicia gasped and Jayce desperately wanted to go hide.

„It’s not- I‘m worried about him, that is all.“ Jayce sighed.

„And so you invited him and his ugly boyfriend to an exclusive play event?“ Fel raised her brow, crossing her arms. „Are you hoping you can cop a feel?“

Jayce, even if obviously attracted to Viktor, shook his head. God no. Viktor seemed wonderful, but clearly had other things to worry about.

„Just thought it would be nice to get to know him.“ he lied.

Elora saw right through him.

„You hope he sees how bdsm really works and leaves the guy.“

Right on the money.

Jayce chuckled. There was no use in trying to hide anything from Elora. „Listen. Maybe I also get to know his boyfriend and he’s not that bad. I‘m open to anything.“

„Sure.“ Felicia rolled her eyes at him again. He really had to get better at lying.

„You and his boyfriend will walk out of here as best friends.“ she deadpanned.

Jayce snorted. Yeah okay, maybe not the most realistic approach.

Everything he had seen from Zach so far had been terrible.

He was obnoxious, misogynistic and arrogant. He had been rude to Viktor and had pushed his luck with Jayce.

Alone the fact that he wanted alcohol at a play event told Jayce enough about his understanding of consent.

That and leaving his sub alone at a bar.

Jayce blinked himself out of it. He hadn’t even noticed freezing in his work, quickly placing the rest of the cups on the table.

„Are you staying?“ he asked Felicia, who also seemed to be doing her last movements.

„Nope.“ She shook her head. „The girls are coming home tonight, I‘ll cook dinner.“

Jayce nodded. „Vander? Connol?“

Felicia smiled. „All mine tonight. Connol has a late shift too, so no fun times for him. Silco is the only one in the house tonight.“

Jayce nodded. Silco was less the type to play and manage in one evening. He usually picked one of the two.

„Oh and you, of course.“ Fel grinned. „Our watchdog.“

She came close, pushing herself against Jayce, who comfortably wrapped his arm around her.

„I will do what I can.“ he smiled, fingers finding her waist.

„Do you have anyone to play with tonight?“ she looked up at him, eyes sparkling. She was a gorgeous woman, Jayce thought. Like the essence of a starry night trapped in a human body.

„No.“ Jayce smiled, enjoying the weight she put against him. „But I prefer it that way. I’ll help Silco with the finances and then…”

“Watch out for your boy?” Felicia smirked.

Jayce chuckled. “He’s very clearly not my boy, Fel.”

She tilted her head, considering his words. “But you’d like him to be.”

Jayce knew that was partly correct.

Viktor had sent him through a whirlwind of emotions since seeing him at the bar. He had pierced himself right into his heart, something that Jayce had immediately killed when seeing the collar.

He didn’t take things that weren’t his.

Never had, never would.

But then, he had seen how unhappy Viktor was in his relationship.

And even if it wasn’t right, even if it was so atypical for Jayce, it caused this light shimmer of hope, which he couldn’t get rid of.

Felicia chuckled against him, slapping his ass gently to get him out of his thoughts.

“Go and help my man with the finances before it kills you. Your boy will be here soon enough.”

Silco worked quietly, except for the sharp inhale of a cigarette from time to time, and Jayce enjoyed every second of it.

Being around Silco was always comforting, in a way that Jayce would have never expected when first meeting the man.

He went over documents, helping to count things together, making notes and sorting things out.

In a short thinking break, he checked the watch on Silco‘s desk. The event had started twenty minutes ago.

„Nervous?“ Silco‘s voice was interrupting the silence, without looking up from the files in front of him. Yet he had full control of the room.

Jayce smiled. „I always get goosebumps when you do that.“

„Do what?“ Silco‘s voice was stern, but he finally looked up at Jayce. His stare was serious, but there was a playfulness in it as well.

Jayce grinned, feeling his elevated heartbeat. „You know exactly what. This control thing.“

„I am in control, Jayce.“ Silco paid more attention to him now, grinning.

„You’re right, Sir.“ Jayce enjoyed their little game. „Of course you are.“

„You’re nervous.“ Silco repeated, the smile not leaving his face.

„Fine, yeah. I am.“ Jayce sighed, wiping his hands on his pants.
„I invited someone new tonight.“

„The boy.“ Silco nodded.

Of course Felicia had told Silco everything about it. Jayce chuckled. What had he expected.

„Yeah the boy.“

„I must say, I was surprised.“ Silco put his pen aside. „You rarely like new folks. And you stay away from inexperienced ones.“

Jayce sighed, leaning back in his chair. „Yeah, I know. But this isn’t about all of this.“

All of this, he said, like it wasn’t the lifestyle that had put their life together. Like it didn’t fulfil them in a way, nothing else ever had.

But that wasn’t what Viktor was.

That wasn’t why he had invited him.

It wasn’t about dominance or control, or that he wanted to be with him so bad.

„Feelings then.“ Silco mirrored Jayce, leaning back in his chair. „You like him. Apart from all of this.“

Jayce would need to think about that. Feelings?

It's not that he was blind to emotions. That was something he had achieved during the past years. Being in touch with himself. Knowing when to check in with himself.

It was the only way being a dom worked. Only being in control of himself allowed him to have control over others.

„Maybe.“ he sighed. „But that’s not what this is about tonight. He’s here with someone else.“

Silco nodded in understanding, before shrugging. „Don’t come at me with monogamy, Jayce, I cannot help with that.“

Jayce laughed. Yeah, that was right. Silco wasn’t exactly the person to know about or have any emotions towards monogamy.

„I‘m more worried about him, that’s why I invited him.“ Jayce sighed.

„Are we a therapy group?“ Silco smiled at Jayce.

Jayce laughed.

It was an old joke between them. Jayce had shown up here years ago, lost in life and in need of help with his own feelings. Silco had been insanely supportive, just like the other owners, but always reminded Jayce that this wasn’t a therapy group.

And yet it had saved his life.

„Do you want an answer to that, cause I fear you might not like it.“ Jayce laughed, lifting himself out of his seat. It was time to check on the event.

Entering, Jayce knew he should check in with their security staff first and ask around if everyone was alright.

But he couldn’t. He was looking for Viktor immediately, finding him standing at the buffet and… apparently already looking at him.

But not his face. Viktor was looking confused, his brows furrowed, his head tilted slightly. Adorable.

Jayce also tilted his head, enjoying watching the exact moment that Viktor found his eyes and realized he had been caught.

Jayce smiled at him, watching his body language. He seemed… pulled together, like he was hiding something.

His thought process was interrupted by watching Viktor flinch at something Zach had said.

He watched Viktor respond, talking quickly and visibly stressed.

Jayce‘s heart was hurting. He looked so scared.

He wanted to go over right now, but he knew he shouldn’t. This was not part of his field of activity and responsibility. Couples were allowed to talk to each other however they liked, and Viktor was a grown man.

Interrupting this would be wrong.

„How is that pretty boy dating this disgusting cretin, hm?“ Mel had snuck up on him, catching Jayce off guard.

He chuckled. „Yeah, right?“

„Do you think it’s because of the cane? That he thinks he doesn’t deserve any better?“ Mel pointed out and Jayce hissed.

„Not our judgement to make, Mel. And also, you can’t just say that.“ he sighed.

Mel shrugged. „You should have listened to the little talk I had with him earlier.“

Jayce turned to her in concern. „You talked to him? To the Zach guy?“

Mel chuckled, turning to Elora, who arrived with some cups with juice for them.

„Thank you, baby.“ She turned back to Jayce. „Yes I talked to him. Well, initially I only wanted to talk to Viktor, but he interrupted. Something about me wanting to steal his sub.“

That was concerning. He was this rude to someone he didn’t even know? Someone who was a dom just like himself?

„Wow. You should have kicked him out.“ Jayce sighed, but Mel shook her head. „That would have backfired. Viktor would have felt pushed away and then what? The boy would be alone with that bastard.“

Jayce nodded. She had a point.

He looked back over to Viktor, who was looking at Zach like he had hung the stars as said dom was talking to someone else. Some couple that Jayce knew were friends of Vander. Not Jayce‘s style of dominance, but he didn’t judge.

„He must see something in him.“ He sighed, making Elora scoff.
„Yeah, fear of upsetting him. You should have seen him earlier, he hugged me hello and then was visibly panicking because of it.“

Jayce didn’t like that at all.

„Do you think they‘re going to play?“ Mel raised her brow at Jayce, the way she always did when she was trying to read his mind.

Jayce sighed, scratching his face.

„God, I hope not.“

He tried to keep himself busy, talking to the security staff, making sure everyone was alright.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Viktor step out of the changing rooms, his own breath getting stuck in his throat.

He was gorgeous, pretty panties on the thin waist that Jayce was sure he could wrap his hands around fully.

He had kept a blouse on, underneath a brace that didn’t take away from his dainty figure.

He was leaning on his cane and managed to look absolutely graceful doing so.

„Jayce Talis, stop staring.“ Mel had apparently found him again, handing him a cup of juice as well.

„My god, are you everywhere?“ he mumbled under his breath, but took the cup with a grateful nod.

Zach and Viktor talked, before moving to the mats.

Jayce stayed where he was, in the darker corner of the room.

„Are you really going to watch the whole thing?“ Mel sighed.

Jayce nodded, without a word. He wasn’t going to look away, he was going to make sure Viktor was safe and enjoying himself.

„Weird form of self-harm, Sir Talis.“ Mel pointed out.

Jayce ignored her statement, trying to concentrate on the acidic taste of juice on his tongue.

„Did you see how he’s biting him?“ he spoke, quietly, but for Mel to hear.

Mel sighed, but hummed in agreement. „He looks in pain. Poor soul.“

Jayce nodded. Viktor looked… small. And not the acted kind, or the intimidated kind. He looked like he wasn’t enjoying this.

Zach stopped, talking to Viktor now.

„Oh thank god, they’re communicating.“ Mel sighed. „See? Maybe it’s not that bad.“

„Mel, Viktor is uncomfortable.“ Jayce said, too rushed, too stressed. Mel would know he was aggravated.

He felt his own heart pound erratically.

He saw Viktor trying to move in Zach’s grip, looking up to gaze at Zach with such an uncertain and lost expression, Jayce wanted to run and grab him. Just take him away from here.

That‘s when he saw it. Viktor was mouthing yellow.

„Mel, he‘s safewording-„ Jayce handed her his cup. He didn’t even know what he’d do.

Mel grabbed it, but before she could say something, remind him that safewording was something completely normal and that Jayce should stay out of it, Zach grabbed Viktor harder, pulling him in.

It was like in slow motion, the way Viktor‘s face went from nervous to downright scared.

Jayce‘s blood went cold.

„Get Elora.“ he instructed Mel, before rushing to Viktor.

His own blood was rushing so loud in his ears, his pulse elevated.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. Better safe than sorry, better restrained than giving someone a broken nose.

„Get your fucking hands off of him.“

The words were spat without a second thought.

Jayce felt like he was burning. Like he was going to explode and implode at the same time, like he was only kept together by his atoms really, really trying and holding onto each other.

Zach let go of Viktor, slowly turning to Jayce. All Jayce could think was how ugly he was, the disgusting face pulled into an angry sneer. Jayce would give him hell. He‘d take him apart. But for now, he‘d make sure he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone here again.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jayce could see Mel and Elora taking care of Viktor. Very good.

At least his boy was safe.

Chapter Text

„Oh my god.“ Viktor heard his own voice before he noticed he was speaking. „Oh my god. Oh my god.“ 

„Do you smoke?“ Mel interrupted him, pulling a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. 

Viktor hadn’t smoked in years. 

He wanted to scream, to tell Mel that, fuck, yes, he wanted a cigarette, but all he could do was nod. 

She gave him one, holding out the lighter, that he took with shaking hands. 

He hadn’t even noticed he was shaking. 

„You can speak freely to me, Viktor.“ Mel smiled, a knowing look on her face. „I don’t mind.“ 

Like she was sensing that he was holding back from talking to her…

Elora put her hand on Viktor’s back again. 

„What are you thinking right now, Viktor?“ 

He wondered that aswell. What the hell was he thinking ? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t even know what was happening. 

„Your dom is going to get kicked out.“ Mel explained, her voice careful, like she was worried she’d scare Viktor away. 

„Oh.“ Viktor nodded. 

He understood. Going over a safeword was bad, he knew as much. And this was a good club. 

„I should follow him.“ he realized as he was saying it. „Zach is going to be mad at me if I don’t follow him.“ 

He was so cold and looking down on himself, he realized why. 

Right. Still undressed.

„How about I go and get you a robe, or something.“ Mel smiled, handing Elora her cigarette and hurrying inside. For a second Viktor was certain she could read his mind. 

„Viktor, we don’t know each other very well, but can I ask you something?“ Elora moved around him so she stood right in front of him, putting her hands on his shoulders. 

Viktor gave her a nod. 

„Do you want to follow him?“ 

What a question. 

„Because, I don’t know if you know, but you don’t have to.“ 

Her hands felt heavy on his shoulders, but not in a way of dragging him down. It felt as if she was stabilizing him, yet pinning him in place. 

„I-„ Viktor stopped himself. He had wanted to say that he did know, that he was aware, but was he really? 

Did he really believe he could stay here? That he was allowed to make any decision he liked? 

His heart clenched. 

He didn’t. 

He felt as if not following Zach would lead to his death. That there was this terrifying thing that he needed to be so scared of, as inevitable as death. 

He didn’t even fear death, growing up with it right by his side, knowing it was always around the corner. 

But he did fear Zach. 

And he realized just now, how concerning that was. 

Mel returned, putting a bathrobe over his shoulders. Such a small, caring act. Viktor was going to lose it. 

Looking up at Elora with widened eyes, he didn’t know what else to say than a lame try of excusing Zach. 

„He never hit me.“ 

He felt so ashamed of saying it. These people had been nothing but nice to him and yet he was here, saying something that was a pitiful try to make Zach look better. Or himself. Like he was trying to make them know that he wasn’t insane.

Elora and Mel smiled kindly, which was something Viktor hadn’t expected. 

„Oh honey.“ Mel also stepped closer. 

„He didn’t have to.“ 

It hit Viktor right in the face. Zach never had to hit him. He had had any control just handed to him. Viktor had accepted everything. Always. He had never fought back. He had never made him as mad as tonight. 

He wanted to throw up, managing to bring the cigarette to his lips. 

Inhale. Exhale. 

„I don’t want to go home.“ he whispered, allowing himself to be entirely honest now. 

He was met with understanding faces. 

„You don‘t have to, Viktor. You can stay as long as you like.“ 

Apparently the information had travelled, because a few minutes later, Elora pulled Viktor aside as they were planning to go back inside. 

„I‘m so sorry, darling, but the owner of the club would like to see you.“ she smiled. 

Viktor understood. This was an important matter. He couldn’t just ignore it. He gave her a nod, letting her lead him out of the playroom and down a hall. 

She stopped in front of an office door. Viktor had never even considered there could be an office in a place like this. 

Elora gave him another smile and knocked. 

„Come in!“ A voice called from inside, and Elora opened the door for him. „I‘ll be waiting for you.“ she smiled sweetly. 

Viktor looked up as the door closed behind him, looking at the owner of this place. 

He looked small, but not less powerful, sitting in a huge red seat. 

„You must be Viktor.“ he spoke slowly and Viktor noticed that one eye wasn’t following the other. A glass eye. He felt a lot safer by the second. 

„Yes, Sir.“ Viktor nodded and the man motioned to the chair in front of the huge dark table. 

„My name is Silco. You may refer to me as such, but in public, Sir Silco is necessary.“ he explained, while Viktor lowered himself into the chair.

The office was gorgeous, all in dark browns and reds, with antiques hanging on the wall. 

„Yes Sir. Uh. Silco.“ Viktor nodded. 

Silco showed something close to a smile, tilting his head. „I know this isn’t ideal. And I know it’s also very stressful to be here now.“ 

Viktor nodded. He hadn’t expected Silco to be… sorry. 

„I wish it wouldn’t have come that far, specifically not at an event that was meant to be safe. These events are exclusive for a reason.“ 

There was something else in Silco‘s face and Viktor recognized it as anger. Silco was angry on his behalf. 

„I truly apologize, Viktor.“ 

Viktor shook his head at that. 

„It’s not your fault, Sir. I was stupid, I shouldn’t have-„ 

Silco lifted his hand to make Viktor stop.

„I don’t want to hear you say that ever again.“ 

Viktor bit his lip. But it was true. 

„I hate to be the person to tell you, but what your Dom has done to you was nothing short of abusive. And given your reaction to it, this kind of abuse seems to be normal for you.“ 

Silco leaned forward in his chair, hands flat on his desk. 

„Nothing he did was fair. Nothing you had to go through was right, or excused. What did he tell you, that it was fine because it was BDSM?“ 

Viktor felt like he was see-through, like Silco knew him by looking at him once. 

And yet he didn’t feel exposed. Just understood. Known.

„Yes.“ he admitted. „He brought me here. Said it was his scene and taught me all these things.“ 

He felt ashamed saying it like this. Was it really this easy? Had he been so easy to manipulate, had he followed the words of someone else? 

Could he really blame someone else entirely? 

Silco nodded slowly, looking like he was calculating. 

„You’re allowed to be angry. I hope you know that.“ 

Viktor smiled helplessly, playing with the tie of the bathrobe. 

„I.. I don’t think I know how.“ he admitted. 

He couldn’t even imagine it. He had spent the past two years holding back any resentment, any anger. Had relearned what it meant to be in love and what it meant to be a good boyfriend, a good sub on top of that. 

He felt his throat close up and had to look down. He didn’t want Silco to see his tears. 

„How do I…how do I start?“ 

Silco chuckled softly. „What a good question. In the next step you will ask yourself how to stop. Trust me, I‘ve been there, darling. It does get easier.“ 

Viktor nodded. He didn’t deserve those kind words. 

„But unfortunately, I have even more unpleasantries.“ Silco sighed and leaned back, looking down at the paperwork in front of him. 

„The club will be pressing charges. And i‘d like you to help me with that.“ 

Viktor didn’t really know how long he sat there, giving Silco all the information he had. Personal data about Zach, such as describing what had happened. 

Silco visibly looked angrier with the second, but tried to keep smiling at Viktor, until they were finally, finally done. 

„Alright.“ Silco crossed his arms, looking down at the paperwork. 

„You are free to go, Viktor.“ he smiled. „You are and will always be welcome in this club. And not just that…“ 

He swiftly opened one of his drawers, pulling out a card. 

„This here is my number.“ he slid it over. „I know it’s sometimes easier to call someone you know rather than any authorities. And I got enough strong men on my hands that I can bring.“ 

Viktor smiled, not even wanting to think about what Silco was implying. 

He simply took the card, gave Silco a grateful nod and left the office. 

Elora had said she would wait outside and he couldn’t wait to distract himself. 

It wasn’t Elora. 

Viktor closed Silco‘s door behind him, only to find no one else but Jayce, leaning against the wall and smiling softly, though visibly worried. 

„Hey.“ 

This was clearly Jayce. Not Sir Talis. Regardless, Viktor noticed, this was the man that had just saved him. He didn’t know where he would be right now, if Jayce hadn’t stepped in. 

„I didn’t even thank you yet-„ Viktor started, but was interrupted by Jayce shaking his head. 

„No. Don’t thank me, there is no reason to. Everyone here in this club would have done what I did. Probably even worse.“ he grinned at his little joke, but Viktor saw anger flaring up in his eyes again. 

It was a compliment he had never gotten. So many people were so angry at how he had been treated. 

„But no one else would have picked me up at the bar.“ Viktor shrugged. „No one would have given me a room to calm down in.“ 

Jayce inhaled sharply, but didn’t interrupt. 

„No one would have told Elora to save me so that Zach wouldn’t be mad.“ 

Viktor felt his heartbeat speed up at the memory. Jayce had saved him more than once. 

„It was you, who paid for the room for Elora and the other subs. No one would have done that either.“ 

It was a risky accusation, but Viktor had been thinking about it since that night. 

Jayce opened his mouth, before closing it again. He looked sheepish, like he had been caught, putting his hands behind his back. 

„It was a business decision. No payment involved.“ he finally admitted, shrugging.

So that was what Elora had meant back then. Jayce had somehow moved things around, or had involved Silco or one of the other owners that Viktor knew of, just to help him out. 

„See? No one would have done that!“ Viktor‘s voice was wobbly but he meant what he said. 

He didn’t get why Jayce had done it for him. 

Jayce smiled and carefully placed his hands on Viktor‘s upper arms, getting a bit closer. 

Viktor took a deep breath. He didn’t want to cry. 

„And then you...“ he wasn’t managing the not crying part very well, collecting the rest of his strength to speak. „…you hugged me in that bathroom and I-„ 

He didn’t get any further, reality setting in. 

Jayce had told him that Zach was treating him like shit, the first time he saw him. And then, without judgement, without anger that Viktor wasn’t listening, he had just started to offer help. He had never talked over Viktor, he had never shielded him. He had just given him a way out, without ever taking his autonomy. 

Something that Zach had never done. 

The sobs came before he knew it. 

Zach had taken every part of his body for granted as well. Had taken what he wanted, had made decisions for Viktor. 

Jayce moved carefully, but with intent and determination. He pulled Viktor in, against his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. 

Viktor allowed himself to keep sobbing, the tight arms wrapped around him giving him a space that he felt safe in. 

In Jayce‘s arms, he didn’t have to worry about anyone being angry. 

In Jayce‘s arms, he was allowed to cry and feel those emotions. 

And Jayce didn’t rush him, gently petting through his hair again after a while, swaying them from left to right, just a little. 

When Viktor was done crying, he let himself drop against Jayce fully. And Jayce supported his weight entirely, chuckling against Viktor’s head. 

„How about we get out of here?“ 

Viktor looked up in surprise, needing a moment to coordinate looking up at Jayce‘s face from up close. 

„Oh god, not like that!“ Jayce‘s eyes widened, but he smiled. 

„I think you need a neutral space to calm down. My apartment isn’t far. You should take a shower, eat something proper and get a moment just to yourself before you go back to reality.“ 

Viktor considered it. 

„It is just an offer.“ Jayce added, smiling even wider. „I will not take offense if you say no, not at all.“

Viktor nodded. He didn’t think Jayce would take offense. At anything, ever, even. 

And he did want a shower, but he was dreading going home. In addition to that, Zach had probably taken the car. 

„Okay.“ he croaked out, while Jayce carefully released him so he could stand properly. 

„Okay.“ Jayce smiled. „Let me talk to Silco for a second, okay? Do you feel fine to go back to Mel and Elora alone? They will help you grab everything.“ He carefully let go of Viktor completely. 

Viktor couldn’t help but miss his warmth, but pushed that feeling aside. 

„I can find them myself.“ he nodded. He wasn’t a child. 

„Perfect.“ Jayce smiled, and Viktor didn’t know if he was attracted to or jealous of his perfect set of teeth. „I‘ll be right there.“ 

Viktor nodded and watched as Jayce went into Silco‘s office without knocking, before turning to go find the others. 

Elora and Mel were welcoming Viktor with a glass of water getting gently pushed into his hand. 

„How are you feeling?“ Mel smiled. 

Viktor had to think, watching the bubbles in his glass dance on top of its surface. 

„I think i‘m okay.“ he spoke, but he felt unsure as he said it. Was he okay? Would he ever be? 

„You don’t have to be.“ Elora shrugged, holding out a little bag. „I took the liberty to already grab your clothes, so you can change.“ 

Viktor nodded, feeling the need to inform them about his next step. „I‘m going to go with Jayce. Uh. To his home.“ 

He hadn’t even called him Sir Talis. He noticed it too late, but looking up, he noticed that no one really cared. No one was confused. No one was angry or upset. 

Mel smiled a little wider. „That's a good idea! Some space from here will do you good, and Jayce is good company.“ 

Elora pulled a note out of her pocket. „These are our phone numbers. You’re not alone with any of this, Viktor, and we love to have you around. If we can help in any way, let us know.“ 

She put it in the bag with his clothes, giving him a wink. 

Viktor felt relieved that he was still welcome. A part of him had expected that these people would never want see him around here again. 

Zach had caused so much drama and paperwork for all of them. 

„I am sorry for interrupting your event.“ he took a sip of the water. He needed to apologize. It was an inconvenience still.

„Oh, no, no apologies needed.“ Mel waved him off. „We are happy if you are happy. And this is part of the responsibility this kind of hobby brings with it. It automatically becomes a community, Viktor. And you’re part of it now.“ 

Viktor nodded slowly. 

Part of a community.

Three weeks ago he hadn’t even known it wasn’t okay if Zach wanted to sleep with other subs, and now he had all these people caring for him. 

He didn’t know how he could ever thank them enough.

Chapter Text

Jayce‘s apartment was close. Walking distance close.

Viktor was a little too nervous to let him know that extra walking would cause a bit of extra pain, but he had to bite that bullet.

„Are you okay? Pain?“ Jayce asked after a few minutes on the empty street.

The middle of thursday night meant silence surrounding them. Viktor wondered if that silence was at fault for Jayce apparently being able to read his goddamn mind.

„A bit.“ Viktor nodded, unable to lie to him.

„It’s just around that corner. But I can carry you the rest of the way.“ Jayce offered and Viktor snorted.

„No, thank you.“

He didn’t know when he had last been carried. Maybe as a child.

„Alright, i‘m just saying.“ Jayce smiled and slowed down, arriving at his apartment complex.

It was a pretty house, very clearly an old factory building that had been renovated into apartments.

Viktor thanked the gods that these renovations had apparently included an elevator, as he entered it.

When he looked into the big mirror in the elevator, he saw Jayce swiftly checking his phone behind him.

Right, his phone. He felt it in his pocket, heavy like a rock that was pulling him down. He hadn’t checked it, not even when changing out of the bathrobe back into his clothes at the club.

He didn’t want to think about checking it. He was scared of finding countless messages from Zach, and equally scared he’d find none.

The elevator door opened and Jayce led him to his apartment.

The carpet was sounding dull under Viktor’s cane and he took his time to join him at the door, so Jayce had more time to fiddle with his keys.

„I‘ve recently changed the locks and those keys…“ Jayce clicked his tongue, before the door answered with a click and sprang open.

„Perfect. Come in.“

Jayce led the way, for which Viktor was grateful.

That way he wasn’t being watched and was therefore able to look around the place, while Jayce toed his shoes off and threw his keys into a bowl on a cupboard.

The apartment was …modern, but in a vintage way. The kitchen and living room were looking like a loft, including a few brick walls and a huge glass window.

The rest of the apartment was at the end of a darkened hallway.

It was huge.

„And you live here alone?“ Viktor knew curiosity wasn’t very polite, but he also didn’t know which societal rules to follow anymore.

There wasn’t a word in any of the languages he knew that could describe what Jayce was.

„Basically.“ Jayce answered with a smile, taking his watch and his jewelry off.

„I have a lot of guests, you could say.“ he shrugged.

Viktor didn’t quite get what he was trying to say. Was that something sexual? Was Jayce politely saying he was sleeping around?

„Come on, I‘ll show you where to find clothes and the shower.“

Jayce led him to a bedroom with a little reading nook in the corner.

Although reading nook was a nice word for a gorgeous brown leather chair and a huge bookshelf.

While Jayce walked to a closet, Viktor noticed that it wasn’t the only one in here.

Three different closets.

Jayce apparently noticed what he was looking at.

„I don’t collect clothes. Or closets.“ he laughed, pulling out a bathrobe and some pants and a hoodie out of one of them.

It definitely wasn’t Jayce‘s size.

„These should fit you.“ Jayce placed it all on the bed, before going to retrieve socks and, to Viktor‘s surprise, boxershorts.

Who did they belong to ? Viktor looked up at Jayce with an unsure expression. Jayce chuckled.

„You‘ve met Silco today, right?“

Viktor nodded. Silco. That made sense. They roughly had the same clothing size.

„He and the other owners are guests here occasionally.“ Jayce shrugged.

Occasionally. There were closets in this bedroom, with their clothing. Occasionally was a joke.

„Have you met the others? Vander, Connol, Felicia?“ Jayce smiled, apparently not noticing Viktor‘s silent judgement. Viktor was ashamed of it. He didn’t like judging anyone. Who was he to wonder about Jayce‘s activities.

„Vander is.. the big guy?“ Viktor tried to remember. Zach had told him about Vander before.

„Yeah.“ Jayce laughed. „The big guy.“

Viktor didn’t want to imagine Jayce with Vander, but for a second he couldn’t help it.

Blood rushed to his face. Jesus Christ, this had to be a joke.

„I know he looks scary, but he‘s genuinely just a big puppy dog.“ Jayce smiled, motioning for Viktor to follow him to a bathroom.

„I think it’s all pretty self explanatory.“ he grinned at Viktor in the bright light of the little tiled room.
„Take a shower and then come to the kitchen. I‘ll try to organize some food for us.“

Viktor wasn’t sure whether to respond with „Yes Sir“ or not, so all he managed was a small but grateful nod at Jayce.

„Perfect.“ Jayce winked and disappeared.

Viktor looked at himself in the mirror, hands flying to the collar he still wore. Slowly he opened the clasp, taking it off.

He still hadn’t checked his phone.

He remembered that feeling, last week, when he had stood in his bathroom at home and looked at himself with a similarly tired expression.

Had life been so different back then?

It certainly felt like it.

He remembered being worn out from sex with Zach, the taste of mint toothpaste in his mouth and heavy guilt from longing for another man.

Now he was here, in that man‘s huge and probably extremely expensive apartment, with an ache in his bones that screamed at him.

It wasn’t the physical kind and Viktor knew that very well.

He’d have to come to terms with what had happened.

He gently washed his hands as he turned the thought over in his head, like trying to see the light breaking in a crystal.

Zach had hurt him on purpose before.

Wearing a sadistic grin as Viktor whined or cried or muffled his screams.

But that had always been sexual and always accompanied by Zach jerking himself off with one hand. Getting off on Viktor‘s pain, like it was meant to be.

Viktor had always liked that, especially the start of it. The burning sensation of pain spreading in his body, wanted pain. Pain with purpose. Pain that was controlled.

Not today.

Today Zach had been uncontrolled. There had been no greater purpose to Viktor‘s pain.

His shoulder was still stinging from the bite that Zach had placed there.

Gently, he plucked off his black blouse, getting to see the bite.

It wasn’t too swollen, but red and splotchy. It would cause an ugly bruise.

Finally tearing his eyes off of his shoulder, he went to grab the fresh clothes from the bedroom. He could hate himself enough for the rest of his life. Right now, all he wanted was to get clean.

He returned to the kitchen in the fantastic bathrobe that Jayce had put out for him. It was insanely warm and comfortable.

He already wore the pants and the socks underneath, not wanting to walk around too naked in here.

He had found his phone and stuffed it into the pocket of the bathrobe.

He‘d look at it in company.

He had already smelled something delicious from the hallway and arriving in the open loft kitchen, he found Jayce behind the stove, making pancakes.

„I‘m not the breakfast for dinner type of guy per usual.“ he grinned. „But I wanted something sweet, I hope that is alright with you.“

Viktor smiled and took one of the bar chairs, the plates already put out for them.

„Thank you, Jayce.“ he finally allowed himself to speak.

He had been so quiet after everything and he felt stupid for it too.

„No reason to thank me, at all.“ Jayce shook his head, again, pushing Viktor‘s grateful words aside.
„I told you, anyone of us would have done it.“

Viktor nodded. „I didn’t check my phone yet.“

He felt stupid for being frightened.

Jayce froze. „Oh. Well. Do you want to check it?“

This man, for some reason, was the most understanding person Viktor had ever met in his entire life. How was this possible?

„I don’t know. Life goes on, I suppose.“ Viktor answered truthfully.

He would have to call out of work tomorrow. Or find capacities somewhere in his body, that he wasn’t even sure he had left.

„It does.“ Jayce agreed. „It always does.“ He began plating the pancakes in the middle of the little bar table.

„That doesn‘t mean you cannot change things. Or pause things.“ he smiled.

Viktor thought about it.

„It doesn’t feel realistic.“ he had to be honest. „To be allowed to change things.“

Jayce hummed while walking over to the fridge. „I suppose you’ve been caught up in a system for too long. That you’ve stopped believing that you’re in control.“

He held up different soda cans for Viktor to choose wordlessly. Viktor didn’t know how to choose, overwhelmed with the options.

Jayce smiled and went over to the table, placing both soda cans on it.

„Just pick whatever you like. If you don’t like it, we can switch. If you still don’t like it, we can find another solution.“ he explained gently.

Viktor knew what he was doing.

„It’s not that easy.“ Viktor bit his lower lip as he pointed to one of the soda cans, Jayce gracefully snatching the other one.

Jayce grinned like an idiot and Viktor already knew which joke he was going to make.
„Why not, you just-„

„You know what I mean.“ Viktor sighed with a small smile. The man was an idiot, trying to make him laugh.
„We have a shared apartment. A shared.. life!“ he grabbed a pancake.

„Well, there’s plenty of options, Viktor. I didn’t say it was going to be easy.“ Jayce smiled, his smile small, his eyes so kind that Viktor had to swallow down the pancake with all of his might to not start sobbing.

„I don’t get why you’re that kind to me.“ he spoke between bites, drowning his pancake in syrup like it had betrayed him.

Jayce leaned back, chewing on his pancake while visibly thinking.

„I don’t know, why do humans do things?“

Viktor gave him the most unimpressed look, licking some syrup off of his thumb.

He was able to see Jayce‘s eyes follow it intently.

„I know that sounds insanely philosophical, but I mean it. Of course I have some underlying egoistical motive, all humans do.“ Jayce took a sip of his soda. Viktor watched his adams apple move in his throat.

„But I also - and that’s genuine - think you’re a great human in a shitty situation and I want to help.“ He put the soda can down, before continuing to speak.

„A situation I have been in before, a situation that Vander and Felicia have been in before! Even my little sister recently left an abusive relationship!“ he went on to cutting his pancake into pieces that were way too small for his mouth.

„I just think you deserve better.“

Viktor nodded at that, slowly, trying to process the words, fingers stuck to the cold can.

„How do you know I deserve better?“ he spoke quietly, giving his fear and worry maybe more room than it deserved.

Now it was Jayce who looked at him with the most unimpressed stare.

„Viktor, he went over your safe word. That’s like.. that’s pretty fucking bad if you ask anyone actually.“ he laughed.

Viktor nodded at that.

„Was it the first time?“ Jayce leaned forward curiously.

Viktor thought about it. Was it?

„Kind of. It was my first time using a safe word.“ He played around with a piece of the pancake, drawing circles into the syrup on his plate.

„But he did ignore my wishes before. My feelings.“

He wasn’t sure if it felt good to admit to it. If it was nice to make space in his heart and his brain for realization.

Zach had been abusive.

„I won’t talk you into anything.“ Jayce brought up, shoulders a little tense. „But if you want my opinion, you should definitely get rid of him. Quickly.“

Viktor nodded. He knew as much.

Carefully, he fished his phone out of the bathrobe, putting it on the table next to his plate.

Jayce was watching him while continuing to eat, but his eyes were telling Viktor that he wasn’t judging. That he was genuinely just watching Viktor. It was new, to not be so anxious near somebody. To not wonder if they were judging or hating you every waking second.

Viktor knew he just had to turn the little black mirror around. To light up its screen, to see the messages and to find out what his future had to offer.

He didn’t even know what he wanted to find.

„You can also throw it away, I'll buy you a new one.“ Jayce grinned, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Viktor smiled a bit lopsided.

He really wanted to run away from this. He really wanted to shut it out.

But the can of soda on the table reminded him that it was on him to make a decision.

Hell, Zach had robbed him of every single decision in the past two years.

With a deep breath, he turned the phone around and activated the screen.

Chapter Text

Eleven missed calls. Twenty-four messages. 

Viktor took a deep breath, unlocking his phone and opening the chat. 

He felt his heartbeat high in his throat, like his heart was trying to join the pancakes on the plate in front of him. 

>Should have known this club was shitty. 

>Seriously what the fuck is their issue?

Viktor swallowed against the added lump in his throat. Zach had been so angry. 

>I‘m by the car. Hurry.  

He had been right then, Zach had expected him to come along immediately. He had expected Viktor to get dressed and then follow him. 

Viktor looked over at Jayce, who smiled supportively, before scrolling. 

>Where are you?! 

>Are you serious right now?! 

He really had been serious. He had ignored Zach. Had ignored his entire existence and just surrounded himself with the community in the club. 

He had even helped to press charges. 

>You belong with me, Viktor. You can‘t  just ignore that. 

Belonging…Viktor reached up to the bruise on his shoulder, like he needed to see if it was still there. 

Reminding himself that he hadn’t imagined it. 

>Okay, be that way. 

>I really don’t know what else you want me to say Viktor. 

>i don’t know what you expected.

He also didn’t know what he had expected. Maybe someone who would be as excited as he was to be invited to such an event. Maybe someone who wouldn’t be rude to other people there. Someone who wouldn’t be disgusted at the food, clearly prepared with care and love. Who wouldn’t be angry at him for getting distracted. 

And especially someone who didn’t go over a safeword as a punishment. 

The next message had a change in time. Zach had probably driven home, perhaps expecting Viktor to follow once again. 

>You‘re not going to reach anything with this. 

Viktor felt tears well up in his eyes. Zach was expecting him to have some bigger plan. Some manipulation tactics, some wishes. 

All he had wished for was to be loved. 

Jayce slid out of his chair and came over, and before Viktor could consider if it was smart to cry or if it would be good to involve Jayce, he pushed himself against Jayce‘s chest and sobbed, a second time this evening. 

Jayce, taken by surprise, needed a second before his fingers were threading through Viktor’s hair. 

„I‘ll kill the guy, just say the word.“, he gently proposed, Viktor gasping for air to laugh in between tears. 

Jayce would kill for him, there was no doubt in his mind. 

He gently pulled back, breaking the hug and catching his breath. Jayce slid some tissues over, that he gratefully took and used. 

God, he was a mess. 

He took his phone into his hands again, unlocking it to continue reading. He had to continue. He had to find out what else Zach had said. 

>I refuse to do this via text. 

>come home, we‘ll talk. 

Talking. Viktor remembered talking with Zach. 

No matter how much he tried to have a conversation, no matter what good intent he had or how pressing the matter had been, Zach had always managed to talk him down. 

To change his mind, to make him see that it was way better another way, or to not worry about things as much. 

Zach had completely changed his idea of right and wrong, had turned morals and values upside down. 

The last messages were threats to call, threats to come to the club and find him. 

Viktor was glad he had gone with Jayce. This way Zach wouldn't be able to find him. 

He felt his heartbeat spike again, fear setting in at the thought of Zach finding him.

It was ridiculous, he tried to tell himself. Zach wasn’t dangerous. Had never been dangerous. He had gotten him plushies, he had inside jokes with Viktor. He had been so close to Viktor… 

It hurt like hell. 

And Viktor couldn’t help but think how tired he was of that pain. 

How tiring it was to constantly be in this amount of emotional exhaustion. Of excusing himself, excusing his own feelings and excusing Zach. 

Jayce gently pushed the half empty soda can into Viktor’s hand. „Drink. Breathe. It’s okay.“ 

He soothingly rubbed small circles into Viktor’s thigh. 

Viktor did as he had been told, closing his eyes. Jayce was radiating heat and comfort. Like a small sun in this kitchen. 

Viktor wondered how it would feel to roll himself together on Jayce‘s chest. Like an overgrown cat, hiding in his neck and purring against his skin. 

He opened his eyes, realizing what he was thinking. 

Was he… interested in Jayce? 

Sexually sure, the man looked like he came straight out of a magazine. He was sexually exactly what Viktor liked and he seemed to be gentle. 

But was there more? 

Viktor looked up, mustering Jayce‘s face. 

He was gorgeous. 

He hadn’t even noticed the cut in his eyebrow, a small scar… he had freckles, not many, just a few. His eyes were gorgeous, gentle, and looking at Viktor with the most amused confusion Viktor had ever seen. 

„See something you like?“ Jayce laughed and Viktor laughed with him. 

Yes, was the honest answer. Yes, fuck, yes. 

„I have to break up with Zach.“ Viktor heard himself say. 

What? Was that what he thought? Was that what he wanted? 

Jayce smiled. „Yeah, you kinda do.“ 

Viktor nodded, the thought starting to bloom. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to lay in bed with Zach again. He didn’t want to have sex with him ever again. He wanted to stay in this reality. 

The reality with gentle and nice doms, that accepted backtalk, that laughed with each other. 

And the reality with Jayce. 

Viktor knew he shouldn’t hope for too much. 

Apart from the fact that Jayce probably had plenty of good and gorgeous subs he‘d choose from before he’d consider Viktor… 

…Viktor wasn’t even single yet. 

And even if he would be single soon, as he realized, he shouldn’t jump into this next thing right away. 

Jayce was wonderful. He was perfect. He wasn’t an overcorrection and Viktor didn’t want him to feel that way. 

He wouldn’t be able to erase the years with Zach by getting someone who seemed better. 

„How about you stay the night?“ Jayce smiled, seeming entirely comfortable with offering it.
„The bedroom I showed you is free and maybe you can use some time away to prepare for the big talk. If you still want to have it by tomorrow, of course.“ 

Viktor smiled. Here he was, contemplating if he could ever have the man in front of him, while Jayce would still accept if he was to go back to Zach. If he’d change his mind. 

„You‘d be okay with that?“ he raised his brow. He couldn’t imagine Jayce having no bad emotions concerning it. Wouldn’t he at least be annoyed with Viktor, for the paperwork and the sleepover? All for nothing? 

Jayce smiled, pulling his shoulders back. 

„Completely irrelevant. It’s your life, Viktor.“ 

Viktor wasn’t able to sleep, Jayce‘s words running circles in his mind. 

It had started raining, the drops hitting the big windows next to his bed and running down, blurring the view. 

It had been too warm to lay beneath the covers, so Viktor had built a nest on top of them, leg propped up on one of the fancy pillows. 

Then he had written a mail, calling out of work for the rest of the week.

He was planning to break up with Zach. 

It felt surreal. 

He had spent so many nights crying after fights, or trying not to throw up, the anxiety of Zach leaving him with too much to stomach. 

Zach had threatened it quite often. 

To leave Viktor, to rob him of the love and comfort he felt. To rob him of what they had built up, their shared life.  

Viktor had never cared for it. 

He had only cared about Zach. 

He had been frightened of losing Zach.

And he couldn’t explain why he wasn’t now. Why on the balcony, with Mel and Elora, he had decided against following Zach and ultimately, against securing the relationship. 

When had it turned scarier to be with Zach than to be alone? 

Why hadn’t he noticed? 

His phone lit up next to him. He had sent his message to Zach an hour ago. 

>Not coming home tonight. Talk tomorrow. 

Jayce had read over it and given him a nod, had searched out an extra toothbrush, and then squeezed Viktor‘s shoulder before saying goodnight. 

Now Zach was texting Viktor. 

Was asking him where he was staying. 

What he was doing. 

What he was thinking he was doing. 

Why he was doing this to him. 

Viktor watched the messages like watching the rain roll down the windows. 

He wouldn’t be able to stop him either way. He wouldn’t be able to explain. He felt selfish, if he was honest, incredibly selfish, for waking up and realizing he existed. 

But he knew he had to. 

He had to exist, that’s what Jayce had said. It’s your life, he had said, completely neutrally. No personal emotions. 

Just as a fact. 

A fact that Viktor had tried so desperately to ignore. 

An existence, with wants and wishes. With boundaries and opinions. With insecurities and feelings. 

He closed his eyes as he saw the room light up again, another message that he didn’t need to read to know it was full of anger. 

Zach was angry that Viktor existed. 

Viktor just didn’t know how to stop. 

Viktor woke up rested. There was still an ache in his bones, and a panic attack right behind a wall that he was securely trying to hold in place, but he felt rested still. 

He dragged himself out of bed, taking his time to adjust his braces. He was in no rush.

He‘d take one step after the other and break up with Zach today. 

When he snuck into the bathroom, he heard commotion in the kitchen. So Jayce was already awake. Good. 

He took care of brushing his teeth, washing his face, trying to not look like he had just spent the night at a strangers place ,and getting dressed,  before walking over to the kitchen. 

He had expected Jayce, certainly. 

Not a woman. 

And specifically not a woman currently rummaging around in Jayce‘s fridge. 

Viktor considered fleeing, to quickly disappear back into the bedroom, in the hopes he hadn’t been heard yet. 

He was in no such luck. 

The woman looked up from behind the fridge door, and Viktor had to admit that she was gorgeous. 

She smiled immediately. 

„You must be Viktor! Oh my god, sorry, did I wake you, darling?“
She straightened herself up and closed the fridge with a swing of her hip. 

„Oh, no no.“ Viktor smiled and shook his head. Who was she? And why did ,apparently, everyone know his name? 

„Come on, sit.“ she invited him to the bar. „I brought some pastries from a bakery on the way here. If I had known Jayce would serenade you with pancakes for dinner, I would have brought something savory.“ 

Her grin was infectious. Viktor chuckled. No threat. 

She pushed over the paper bag. 

„Do you drink coffee?“ the woman jumped through the kitchen like someone had attached her to a car battery. 

„Uh, yeah. Yes.“ Viktor had to catch up with her energy. 

„Cause Jayce doesn‘t and so far it has turned every single one of my mornings here into a scavenger hunt for the coffee pods…“ she wildly went through different drawers, exclaiming in excitement when she found them. 

Viktor watched her turn on the coffee machine and find two mugs, wondering in what way it would be appropriate to ask who she even was. 

There was a ring on her finger. 

Was she with Jayce? Or just.. a friend? 

Which friend would be here in the morning to drink coffee? 

Aforementioned coffee was placed in front of him, milk and sugar following right after. 

She watched curiously as Viktor turned his coffee into an abomination of ninety percent sugar, leaning on the counter with her fingers tightly wrapped around the mug. 

„Fel.“ 

Jayce‘s voice made Viktor jump, and he turned to the direction it had come from, only to find Jayce in nothing but sweatpants in the hallway, a comfortable smile on his lips. 

Viktor quickly took a sip of his coffee, trying to ignore that it was burning his tongue. Jesus Christ. 

Fel, the woman, smiled and leaned in when Jayce came around the counter to press a kiss to her head. It looked familiar. Comfortable. 

„Good morning, Mister.“ she smiled, giving Viktor a wink. „Are you out of laundry or why are you parading your abs around the kitchen? You have a guest.“ 

Jayce looked down on himself, smiling sheepishly, giving Viktor an apologetic glance. „You’re right, sorry.“ 

Viktor just quickly shook his head. 

It was fine. Totally fine. 

„I‘ll throw something on, I‘ll be right back.“ Jayce decided and Viktor mourned the sight. 

Jayce jogged away. 

„Terrible, those muscular men.“ Fel grinned at Viktor. 

„I must say, my husbands robe suits you wonderfully.“, she added and Viktor looked down on himself. 

Silco’s robe. 

Silco? A wife? 

„I‘m.. I‘m sorry?“ Viktor tried, his confusion probably very well visible. 

Fel, apparently Silco‘s wife, laughed. 

„You should see your face right now. My god, I‘m sorry for confusing you, I expected you to know who I am.“ 

Viktor smiled, tentatively shaking his head. 
„I apologize, I‘m uninformed.“

„I‘m Felicia, Silco‘s wife. And Connol‘s and Vander’s.“ she grinned. „You’ve heard of the four owners of the club before?“ 

Viktor nodded. Of course he had. 

He just hadn’t known they were… a polycule. 

Felicia smiled into her mug, Jayce returning in a tank top.

Viktor didn’t understand how that was supposed to be better than bare chested, as it was hiding absolutely nothing. 

Jayce turned back to Felicia, who had abandoned her coffee to find another mug and throw the kettle on. 

„Not that I‘m not pleased to see you, but why are you in my kitchen?“ Jayce crossed his arms. Viktor forcefully looked away from his biceps. 

Felicia found tea bags and held them up for Jayce, who picked one with a simple gesture, the question still hanging in the air. 

Viktor was impressed by how wordlessly they communicated. How everyone that was surrounding this club was apparently so comfortable with each other. 

„I brought leftovers.“ Felicia smiled. „Someone‘s gotta help eat all that stuff.“ 

„And you’re sure you didn’t just come by to spy on Viktor?“ Jayce raised his brow with a small grin. 

Viktor couldn’t even be mad. It was probably very interesting to hear of his demise. 

„And even if.“ Felicia shrugged, smiling at Viktor, before pushing her finger into Jayce‘s chest in accusation. „It brought you two containers of my meat loaf so I don’t want to hear any complaints.“

Chapter Text

Jayce had insisted on bringing Viktor to the shared apartment, had taken his keys and put his shoes on before Viktor was able to disagree.

And Viktor was grateful.

But sitting here, parked outside his apartment complex, he knew this had to end. Jayce wouldn’t be able to fight all of his battles.

„Are you sure you want to go alone?“ Jayce looked through the window at the big building, before turning back to Viktor with worry in his eyes.

Viktor had to remind himself to not get too attached to this view.

„It’s fine, Jayce. You’ve been so kind to me, there’s no need to take more time out of your day.“ he smiled. „I can do this on my own.“

Jayce chewed on his bottom lip, clearly thinking about what Viktor had said.

„Yeah.“ he finally agreed. „Yeah, i‘ll be.. i‘ll be just a phone call away, though.“

He visibly seemed to struggle with the thought of leaving Viktor alone with the whole situation. It was very kind. Viktor just didn’t know how to handle it.

Jayce had given him his phone number. So if anything went south, he could still do him that favor and call him.

„Thank you, Jayce.“ Viktor smiled and placed his hand on Jayce‘s arm.

He was trying to behave confident to overshadow the anxiety already scratching against his ribcage.

„For everything.“ he added, Jayce nodding and putting up a gorgeous smile.

„Don’t be a stranger, Viktor.“

Viktor nodded and opened the car door.

It felt surreal saying goodbye. Wrong, too. His entire mind was screaming for him to get back into the car and just forget Zach. To ghost him and to never mention him again.

„Goodbye, Jayce.“ He shut the car door behind him, immediately walking around the car and across the street.

He didn’t want to wait until Jayce had driven off, he didn’t want to wait even a second longer.

He couldn’t wait to be done with this.

He unlocked the door to find music blasting in the kitchen.

The door moved with resistance, pushing something away as Viktor had to push his cane against it to help.

He carefully entered, closing the door behind himself and having to catch his breath.

The apartment looked awful.

The chairs that Viktor had restored himself were half broken, visibly taken and hit into the floor.

All decor that had stood on top of shelves was scattered across the room, just as clothing and trash.

„Zach?“ Viktor called for him, stepping over the things on the floor and making his way to the soundbox, turning the music down.

He heard Zach get up from his chair in one of the rooms, mentally bracing himself to see him rounding the corner.

Zach looked… awful.

And Viktor wasn’t even sure if he looked worse than before, or if he just finally looked at this man properly. Without trying to see the man he loved, his master, his caretaker.

He just saw a man. A man that had ignored his wishes. A man that had isolated him from his life. A man that had set up all these rules that were only there to restrict Viktor. A man that had gone over his safeword, angry and righteous.

And it made Viktor feel a deep sense of shame that all he could muster up for Zach was disgust.

„Look who has come home.“ Zach wiped his nose on the back of his hand, stepping closer.

Viktor wouldn’t let him have the chance to lead this conversation.

„What has happened here?“ Viktor motioned to the state of the living room and the kitchen.

Zach scoffed, walking over and into the kitchen, Viktor watching him.

„What do you think happened?“

Zach‘s tone was accusing. The anger flashed up in him, but he had to keep it together.

„I don’t know, Zach, that’s why I‘m asking.“ he tried to keep his voice calm, and levelled. To not sound angry.

„Wow!“ Zach laughed angrily, clearly starting to look for something in the drawers. Viktor recognized it as a try to redirect his energy.

„You don’t come home the whole night, stay out with some disgusting creatures and have the time of your life, and now you’re mad at me?!“ Zach shook his head in disbelief.

Viktor felt a similar sense of disbelief. His gut was turning. What?

„I can’t believe you’re like this!“ Zach grabbed an apple, before putting it back.

„Like what, Zach?“ Viktor heard his own voice and immediately knew he was losing. He was too kind. Too careful.

„All you do is attack me!“ Zach threw his hands up. „Admit it, I‘ve never been fucking good enough for you anyways!“

Viktor felt a hole in his chest. Was that how Zach felt?

„Oh, look at you, you’re a doctor! So much smarter than the rest of us!“ Zach spat.

Viktor flinched. He suddenly remembered the framed doctorate at the bottom of his closet. The day that he had wanted to hang it up, Zach had gotten so angry. Had told him that he hadn’t known Viktor was such an arrogant piece of shit.

Viktor had been so ashamed. Had put the frame under some clothes, in the hopes to hide that ugly piece of himself.

„You‘re so much better than everyone else, aren’t you? I‘m just the poor ugly guy that had the luck to touch you.“

Viktor felt frozen. It was calling him in, to rip his coat off and run into Zach‘s arms. To tell him that he wasn’t smarter. That he was nothing but a dumb man, that he was sorry for even getting upset with him. That Zach had been so good to him.

Just that he hadn’t.

„Zach, you went over my safeword.“ Viktor stated, ignoring the way his own voice cracked.

He didn’t know what he had expected, bracing himself for impact, but Zach… crashed.

He fell to the ground, making Viktor jump, before loud sobs filled the room, the music that he had turned down earlier still playing in the background.

Zach was shaking as he heaved, hands covering his face.

Viktor had never seen him cry.

And specifically, he had never seen Zach cry like this, like he was going to die.

He didn’t know what to do. His leg hurt, and he desperately wanted to sit down, but he just stood there, unable to move.

Zach was moving erratically, gripping his hair like he was going to rip it out and it scared Viktor. His heartbeat was in his ears.

„Zach!“ he tried to stop him, tried to talk some sense into him. Zach finally sat up on his knees, but he was still crying, sobbing.

Viktor didn’t quite know what to say. The man in front of him needed forgiveness. He needed love. Love that Viktor had felt for him.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t go back to where they had been.

„Zach…“ he sighed. He didn’t want to be heartless. This wasn’t him.

„You are so great.“ Zach hiccuped between sobs, arms reaching out for Viktor. „Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me, baby, please.“

Sudden, like lighting, Viktor realized that he had to get out of here.

That he had to flee this scene because there was nothing worth fighting for. Not this apartment and certainly not this relationship.

He turned on his heel as well as he could, making his way to the bathroom, Zach‘s sobs echoing behind him.

With only one free hand, he grabbed his things, toothbrush, creams and shampoo. He threw everything into a bag, going through the clean laundry piles to find at least underwear and a few clothes. Something he could wear to work, come Monday.

Zach was screaming in the kitchen, crying into the floor. Viktor didn’t even know what to think, the feeling of disgust still evident in his brain. He didn’t want to be disgusted by Zach. He didn’t want to feel superior to him in any way. But the feeling didn’t leave.

He closed the bag and threw it over his shoulder, having to take a moment to find a new balance on his legs.

Hell, he would find a hotel that would take him in.

Or ask Jayce, a voice in his head reminded him, that he quickly tried to shush.

He stepped back into the living room, stepping over a picture frame that Zach apparently also had shattered. It was a picture of them that Zach had taken on their third date. How fitting, Viktor thought.

„Zach?“ he tried to catch the other man’s attention.

Zach stopped crying, looking up, his face twisting into something insanely angry.

Viktor had to force his own heartrate down, taking a breath before he kept talking.

„I will leave now. I would have liked to talk, but I don’t think it would have any point at this time.“ he spoke, ignoring the alarm bells ringing in his head.

„Seriously?“ Zach spat. He wasn‘t crying at all anymore, lifting himself off the ground.

„This is how you’re leaving me?“

Zach stepped forward and Viktor channelled himself to not step back out of instinct. To stay where he was.

„Aren’t you a great boyfriend.“ Zach stepped forward even further. „You see the man you love crying his eyes out on the ground and you decide to leave him.“

Viktor moved. He had to get to safety, trying to move as soft and light-footed as he could with the cane, into the direction of the door.

„What, you got nothing to say to that?!“ Zach grabbed a bottle of water, twisting it open to drink.

Viktor was close enough to the door. If he’d make a run for it, he could get out in seconds.

„That’s why I shouldn’t be.“ he said, walking backwards to it.

„Shouldn’t be what?“ Zach closed the bottle again, his brows furrowing even further.

„Your boyfriend, Zach. I think we should end things here.“ Viktor knew he was close enough to the door now.

Zach, to his surprise, laughed. The dark, sadistic laugh that he had shown Viktor yesterday. Viktor was certain he had seen it even before that, he had just never understood how frightening it was.

„No we fucking aren’t.“ Zach shook his head. „You’re not going anywhere, baby, is that clear? You’re going back to the bedroom and you’re cleaning this mess up. Don’t be ridiculous.“

Viktor knew this was a threat. That he had no choice but to obey. And his entire nervous system was screaming at him to give up, give in and to put the bag down to go back to this life. So he had no other choice than to lie.

„There‘s people waiting for me downstairs.“ he lied. Wishing, begging that it was believable and also silently regretting that he hadn’t sent Jayce away earlier.
„They’re going to worry for me if I don’t come.“

He grabbed the handle of the door now.

Zach scoffed.

„Oh Viktor. Do you truly believe you can find new people? They will notice who you are soon enough. Do they even know you used to be a missy? Do they know where you’re from?“

Viktor felt panic seize in his chest. They didn‘t. They didn‘t know him at all. How could he know he was safe there? Soon, they’d get to know him and realize who he was and they’d be disgusted and ashamed.

„See? You haven’t even thought it through, you dumb little fool.“ Zach smiled condescendingly. „Go, if you like. You‘ll be begging me to take you back by next week!“

Viktor took that as the last sign that he could go, ripping open the door and staring back at Zach once more before hurrying out, trying just for a second, to recognize the man he had looked up to. He failed, pulling it shut.

With the door behind him closing he heard a loud crash in the apartment he had just left, more sounds following.

His heart broke at the thought of his home being ruined, but he stepped forward, into the elevator.

He had to get away from here.

He stepped outside the apartment complex onto the street, wishing for a moment that he wasn’t alone.

It was windy, and a small look at the clouds confirmed that it was going to rain soon. He’d have to take an uber to find a hotel that was further away from here.

„Need a ride?“

Viktor turned to unmistakably Jayce‘s voice, who stood next to him on the sidewalk. He hadn’t even noticed him.

„I know you told me to drive off.“ Jayce looked extremely apologetic, hands in his pockets. „But after he went over your safeword, I wasn‘t sure if I could trust him to have any morals.“

Viktor smiled softly, and gave up. He had tried so hard to stay strong, but he was done fighting.

He stumbled towards Jayce, and immediately into his arms, who caught him right there, pressing his face into Jayce’s shoulder. God, he was so tired.

Jayce wrapped his arms around him so tight, he didn’t even feel the wind anymore.

„Jayce?“ Viktor spoke against his shirt, but apparently he was audible enough.

„Yeah?“ Jayce stopped in his tracks.

„I have a doctorate.“ Viktor mumbled. He had never told anyone that, not unprompted. But he needed to. He needed to say so many things he had never been allowed to before.

„That’s fairly impressive…does that mean you’re not mad at me?“ Jayce chuckled softly, soothingly caressing Viktor‘s back.

Viktor shook his head before coming up for air, giving Jayce a small and timid smile.

„I need a place to stay for a bit. Do you by chance know anyone with an extra bedroom?“

Chapter Text

It was weird. Like walking on a treadmill kind of weird.

The drive to Jayce‘s place was weird.

Jayce smiling at Viktor when unlocking the door was weird. Sitting on the couch, as Jayce put on some tv shows…

Viktor felt… free. Weirdly free.

He was overwhelmed with how free he felt, how there was nothing squeezing his lungs anymore, no chain on his ankle.

He didn’t know what to do with it now.

How to act on it.

He felt like he gained consciousness once he laid back in the guest room, staring at the window and finding no rain, like last night.

He had done it.

He had broken up with Zach.

It knocked on the door, and he lifted himself out of bed, his insecurity program running for a second, before he realized that there was no use. Jayce had helped him in the club. He’d for sure seen the ugliest of him.

„Yes?“ he called, unsure if he had been loud enough to be heard, when Jayce gently pushed the door open.

„Hey.“ he smiled, hands full with two cups of tea. „How are you feeling?“

It was so gentle, so kind. Viktor felt tears fill his eyes before the thought had settled in his head, how nice this felt.

„Oh.“ Jayce apparently mistook those tears for an answer, but smiled emphatically, coming closer and putting the cups of tea down on the nightstand, before finding some tissues in a drawer, to hand some to Viktor.

„It gets better.“ he promised, and it sounded so earnest, Viktor knew he could believe him. With this tone, Jayce could say the sky was green and Viktor would agree.

„It is better.“ Viktor brought up, voice weak, as Jayce lifted the cup and gently pushed it into Viktor’s hands. It wasn’t hot, a perfect temperature to hold onto.

„That’s good.“ Jayce nodded, taking a sip of his own cup, eyes trained on Viktor. „You’ve done a big step today. The next steps will feel easier.“

Viktor nodded into his tea.

There were so many things he wanted to say to Jayce. To ask, and find out. He wanted to know this man in front of him, wanted to see more of this human. Every little piece he had uncovered so far, every leaf he had turned, had turned out to be gorgeous. It had turned out to fit him just right.

But he had no words, nothing to say. Just feelings to feel.

„Try to sleep, Viktor.“ Jayce smiled. „Tomorrow is another day.“

Another day, but a new one. One that would bring him closer to answers, in every way.

„Thank you, Jayce.“ he smiled at the other, who gently put his hand on Viktor’s arm, giving him a light squeeze and a gorgeous smile.

„Anytime.“

As he finished his tea, with Jayce long gone, Viktor couldn’t help but think about the man, that gave this love and kindness like it was flowing out of him.

Viktor had certainly expected to be more anxious.

He knew himself. He knew he was struggling with just accepting help, knew he had always wanted to do things himself.

Yet here he was, in an apartment that wasn’t his, while Jayce, a man that wasn’t his, was currently making breakfast for them, after being so kind to him last night.

And while Viktor certainly didn’t feel fantastic and great, his hands still starting to shake from time to time, he was noticing the lack of anxiety being around Jayce.

Why wasn’t he worried he was bothering him? He had asked to stay here, goddamnit. Shouldn’t he be drowning in guilt?

„I think I should pay you.“ Viktor decided, voicing the thought as soon as it came to him.

Jayce, who was wearing some comfy loungewear that he looked absolutely fantastic in, looked up from cutting up vegetables with a small grin on his face.

„I‘m not that type of dom.“ he joked and Viktor snorted.

„Also,“ Jayce added, while walking through his kitchen with a trained ease, like he was functioning on autopilot, „I haven’t done anything worth paying me for.“

Viktor knew that if Jayce was one of the dom’s you could book, he’d probably have an addictive problem that would have maxed out his credit card by noon.

„That’s not what I mean.“ Viktor got up and made his way over from the couch to one of the bar chairs, finding a way to hang his cane onto the free chair next to him.

„I mean I live here, I eat here… I should pay at least some form of rent.“ he shrugged.

Jayce looked up, before shrugging. „I don’t pay rent.“

Viktor’s eyes widened. „The apartment is yours?!“

That was hard to grasp. The apartment was huge. And not crazy luxurious, maybe, but it had two bathrooms and most importantly an elevator. Viktor knew exactly what it cost to have an elevator- way too much to buy.

„It wasn’t me alone.“ Jayce shook his head. „I earn well, probably more than I‘m worth, but it was a group effort.“

Viktor didn’t get it at first, but caught on quickly. Silco‘s closet and Vander‘s. And the fact that Felicia had keys.

„You bought an apartment with the others.“ he nodded slowly.

Jayce hummed. „They have four children, also Vander and Connol have separate jobs next to the club. It isn’t easy to manage all that and a bdsm lifestyle if you don’t have a second place you can navigate to.“

Viktor nodded. He couldn’t imagine four children.

„I mean, it was more of a roommate situation a few years ago. Back when the kids were still teenagers and the club was still unstable.“ Jayce threw a whole bag of noodles into the water. „Now it‘s my apartment with an occasional visit or some days that Silco doesn’t make it home from the club. It’s why we picked this one actually, the proximity.“

It made perfect sense. Viktor looked around. It was a wonderful apartment.

„They have offered me to buy back their share in a few years if I want it to myself only.“ Jayce explained. „I haven’t decided yet. It’s comfortable like this.“

Viktor nodded again.
„Well, I could still pay rent.“ he shrugged. He was living here for free. That wasn’t right.

Jayce laughed at Viktor’s eagerness. „We don’t even know how long you’re staying yet.“

Viktor had to admit that was true. He had no idea what to do, a black hole in his brain where his plans used to be. A very scary feeling.

Jayce was apparently able to read that in his expression, wincing.
„Sorry, I didn’t mean to pour salt in the wound… do you know what you‘ll do next?“

Viktor sighed. It was a very fair question.

„Not really. To be honest, I thought that the talk with Zach would be a bit more civil.. that way we could have discussed what to do with the apartment.“

Jayce nodded in understanding.

„I mean, it’s a shared apartment. You’re allowed to just terminate your lease, right?“ Jayce smiled.

Now it was Viktor’s turn to wince.

Jayce‘s eyes widened. „Oh god. Please tell me you can terminate your lease.“

„I can!“ Viktor quickly said, shaking his head. „I can, that’s not it… it’s just if I terminate the lease, then he.. uh..“

Jayce stared at him, blinking.

Viktor understood. He understood anyone being stunned by his stupidity.

„Viktor, are you telling me that he didn’t pay rent?“ Jayce was careful.

Viktor knew how that looked, nodding slowly.

„So that means it’s your apartment.“ Jayce stated, rolling his shoulders back like it was helping him understand and stomach the info.

„Yeah. He uh.. never signed anything.“ Viktor nodded.

He had agreed to it easily. He loved that apartment. Zach had wanted to move in, and Viktor had happily, enthusiastically even, agreed. It was a showcase of love and their relationship becoming serious. He had never considered that soon after, he’d be the only one paying for it. Or anything, for that matter.

„I mean we knew he’s a terrible guy but I kind of expected him to at least …take those fake dom qualities he’s so proud of into his personal life.“ Jayce laughed, a hint of disbelief in his face.

Viktor smiled. He had expected Jayce to get mad at him or make fun of him. It was a stupid situation to be in after all.

„We should call Mel or Elora and invite them.“ Jayce said after a few more seconds of thought. „They will tell you what your options are, legally.“

Viktor nodded slowly, thinking about that. Legal options sounded so scary. But then again, Zach would be presented with a sexual assault charge soon. And Viktor would really prefer him out of his apartment with his belongings if that was the case.

„He doesn’t have anything else. Only his mother, and they hate each other.“ Viktor bit his lip, thinking it through. He hadn’t always understood why Zach had been in such a rough spot with his mother, but he had always been supportive of his boyfriend.

„Well…“ Jayce mused, giving Viktor a small smile. „..he shouldn’t have abused the man that pays his rent then, hm?“

Mel and Elora had brought a laptop, and were now sitting on Jayce‘s couch, with Viktor and Jayce in the comfy chairs on the opposite, going over the lease and looking at Viktor expectantly.

„So you paid rent, food, clothes, all of the expenses?“ Elora looked concerned.

Mel snorted. „Sure he did. Man, the guy can be lucky you’re not married, we’d take him apart.“

Mel, as Viktor had recently learned, was a lawyer in a high finance position. Elora was a lawyer for family and marriage law. It was fascinating.

„I‘m sure Viktor is glad too.“ Jayce smiled, leaning forward. „What are his options?“

„Alright.“ Elora closed her laptop. „It is more complicated due to the fact that he isn’t in the contract. You can let someone live with you if you’re in a relationship, that’s no issue, but as a guest there’s other rules.“

„Specifically if you don’t want him there.“ Mel nodded.

„When did you terminate the relationship?“ Elora tilted her head.

„Yesterday.“ Viktor sighed. Everything seemed to go so fast now. Yet he didn’t feel rushed.

„Congratulations.“ Mel grinned, making Elora scoff, but nod.

„Yes, yes, congratulations. Do you want to do this the humane or the inhumane way?“

That posed a question that Viktor had spent the entire afternoon with. Did he want to hate Zach? Was he even able to hate him? Yes ,he was upset in a way, but was he able to stoop down to that level and do something mean?

„The inhumane way would mean you involve the cops and make them remove the guy.“ Mel explained. „It happens all the time, and I can write the paper and inform the authorities. It usually takes 24 hours.“

Viktor didn’t even want to imagine it.

The cops breaking down his door, grabbing Zach and pulling him out. It was scary, even for someone like Zach it would be.

„What’s the humane way?“ Viktor was sure once all of this was over, his lip would be bleeding.

„You inform him that you want him out and give him a week. In a week, we go there with a prepared eviction notice to get your locks changed. If he’s still there, he needs to leave immediately.“ Elora hummed.

That seemed nicer. Zach would have a week to grab his stuff, to find another solution.

„No cops involved?“

Mel sighed. „That depends on how he behaves. I‘ve had cases where there was no other resort. But no, we can try to get no cops involved.“

Viktor nodded. „Then I'd like to do that.”

Jayce reached over to put a hand on Viktor‘s knee, caressing it softly.

Viktor knew what that meant.

He wasn’t alone, with any of this. It was okay that this was hard and that it was complicated and yet he wasn’t alone. He didn’t need to apologize, nor did he need to feel guilty.

„Perfect. Then I'll set up the letter and have it delivered to him tomorrow morning.“ Elora opened her laptop again.

„You’re doing the right thing, Viktor.“ Mel leaned forward to him. „No man that abuses you deserves even a portion of your money.“

Viktor felt more calm when they left. More put together. He had some form of a plan now.

„I gotta go back to work tomorrow.“ he brought up as Jayce cleaned away the glasses from the couch table.

„Yeah?“ Jayce looked up. „What do you do for work?“

Viktor smiled. Here he was, sleeping here for two nights, and now they were discussing things like that.

„I work in engineering for a biotechnology company.“

„Engineering?“ Jayce looked up from the kitchen like he had been activated.

„Yeah.“ Viktor smiled. „Well, right now I work with brain samples so it’s a lot more neurology than I’d like.“

Jayce returned with two of the soda cans, placing them in front of Viktor again, like two days ago. Presenting him with a choice again. Viktor felt his heart clench. Jayce was so thoughtful, so full of care, in every little step. In every thought, he thought of someone else.

„That’s fascinating!“ Jayce seemed very excited. „I also work in engineering, but uh.. just for my family‘s steel business.“

„Talis Steel.“ Viktor raised his brow. „I hadn’t made the connection.“

Jayce laughed. „Thank god you didn’t. It’s the reason why I‘m not interested in one of the CEO spots. Or any other jobs that are frequently being offered. I don’t want my face plastered anywhere.“

Viktor couldn’t help but tease. „You could have also picked something less telling than Sir Talis.“

Here he was, having turned into a sub that argued with a dom, backtalked comfortably. Not scared of any consequences.

Jayce laughed, apparently not taking offense at all.

„You‘re right, I could have. But it was my name long before Talis Steel turned into the big deal it is nowadays.“ he lifted his hands in defense. „Also, I wasn’t able to think of another title I‘d like.“

Viktor scanned him, tilting his head. Jayce was too loving for a military title. Too sweet for something harsh. And any caregiver titles were something Viktor deemed so personal, and also something too embarrassing.

No one had to know what he thought fit Jayce very well.

Maybe he‘d think that one through later, in bed. Privately.

„I like Sir Talis.“ he shrugged, Jayce giving him a heart warming smile.

„I like it too.“ Jayce added, but there was something in his face, that Viktor couldn’t quite pinpoint. Something curious, something new.

Chapter Text

Viktor had always liked working.

During school he had worked at a cafe and later, when the cafe had closed down, in a small market hall.

Later, during university, he had taken more creative jobs, but also gone back to bartending.

After his studies and getting his doctorate, he was excited to find a job that gave him the ability to work as much as he liked.

It had turned into an issue with Zach. Zach who needed help with everything. Zach who had turned the entirety of Viktor’s laundry blue because of a new t-shirt. Zach who didn’t even know how to fill a dishwasher without it causing broken glasses and sticky food residue.

Now, returning to Jayce‘s apartment with a key that Jayce had lent him, Viktor realized that he wasn’t stressed.

He entered the open kitchen to find it clean. The living space looked lovely. He would be able to cook, or to sit down and rest. There was no one expecting him to do anything for him.

It felt like freedom.

The week was almost over. In a few days, without an answer from Zach, Viktor would have to drive to the apartment to present him with an eviction notice.

Well, he didn’t have to. But he wanted to.

The fact that most of his belongings were still there stressed him out more than he liked.

His thoughts were interrupted by Jayce coming to the living room.

„Hey.“ he grinned in excitement.

Viktor felt warm. „Hi.“ he answered.

Jayce looked like he was going to present Viktor with a crazy plan.

„How okay are you with surrounding yourself with other people after a long work day?“

Viktor had just agreed to come along, to whatever Jayce wanted to do, had expected maybe a bdsm event, or to arrive at the club.

He certainly hadn’t expected Jayce‘s car to turn the corner to a home in a calm, lovely area, ten minutes outside the city.

„Come on.“ Jayce was smiling like an excited child, getting out of the car and jogging around to open the door for Viktor.

The house looked huge and expensive. Who lived here?

Jayce rang the doorbell, smiling down at Viktor. God he looked so gorgeous. So happy. Viktor felt like he was going to sob at the sheer presence of the man, the feeling growing in his chest.

He grabbed for Jayce‘s hand, as if to check if he was real, if he was really looking down at him.

„Jayce-„ he started, not even knowing what to say, not even knowing if he should say anything.

He didn’t get much further, the door opening to a tall, skinny man, who Viktor felt like he had seen before.

The man‘s face split into a smile. „The long lost son.“ he commented, before turning to Viktor, offering his hand to shake.

„You must be Viktor. My spouses have been gushing about you. I‘m Connol.“

Finally someone who introduced themselves. Viktor smiled. So this was who the house belonged to.

„Pleasure to meet you, Connol.“

Connol mustered the two of them for a second longer, before opening the door wide, jerking his head to make them follow.

„Come on in, you two. The kids will be delighted.“

Kids?

Viktor followed, but looked at Jayce helplessly. He hadn’t expected kids. He knew they had four, but he hadn’t been prepared for family dinner…

„Are they all there today?“ Jayce took his shoes off and Viktor did the same. If he just stayed close to Jayce, there would be no issue.

„Mylo, no, he‘s on a date tonight, and who knows if Claggor will make it out of his room.“ Connol smiled, a twinkle in his eye. „But the girls are there!“

Viktor tried to hold onto as much information as he could. Mylo, Claggor, the girls. Four children.

He followed Jayce through a small hallway, the wooden floors creaking under them, into a lovely room with a big dinner table.

Loads of family pictures were hung up on the wall, and Viktor couldn’t help but curiously scan them.

He recognized Felicia, and Silco, and Vander, with various children and also many other people. There was a picture of Mel, Jayce and Vander in wild costumes, that he was able to spot before his attention was pulled away again.

Felicia entered with some bottles of water, grinning brightly when seeing him. He grinned back.

„I am so happy he made you come!“ she giggled, coming to hug Viktor.

He hadn’t expected them to be on a hugging level yet, but he wasn’t complaining. Felicia was a good hugger.

„He said you might be too tired after work.“ she pouted, breaking the hug. „I‘m glad you made it!“

Viktor nodded. „Couldn’t say no to such a nice proposition.“

There had been no proposition. Jayce had thrown him into a family dinner. But she didn’t have to know that. And Viktor, surprisingly, didn’t feel overwhelmed.

„Fel!“ there was a call from the kitchen, a voice he didn’t know yet, but had to be Vander.

„Oh, I‘ll be right back!“ Felicia rushed off, Connol chuckling.

„It must be overwhelming to be thrown into such a big family.“ he got glasses out of a display closet in the corner of the room.

„Uh.. yeah.“ Viktor admitted, feeling Jayce‘s presence next to him. The other had apparently stepped closer.
„But not in a negative way. Just.. I didn’t expect it, to be honest.“ Viktor smiled a little nervously.

„What, that there’s a huge family behind a bdsm club?“ Jayce‘s voice was sarcastic, Connol chuckling. „Yeah it’s not the norm.“

„It takes a village!“ Fel announced, returning to the dinner room with a pot in her hand. „Come on, sit down, it’s getting cold!“

She rushed right back out, so Viktor used the moment to lean over to Jayce. „Could you tell me where the bathroom is?“

„Oh, of course. Down the hall that we came through, on the left.“ Jayce shortly put a warm hand on Viktor’s back and Viktor had to remind himself to not push himself against how good it felt.

He gave him a short nod, and disappeared, trying to walk quickly but quietly with the cane on the wooden floor.

He wasn’t panicking. He wasn’t. Really. Just.. just thinking.

Viktor looked into the mirror, scanning his own features.

Was he deserving of this? Of such a kind and caring family? Where was the downside? Why was he here?

Yes, they seemed to be happy about him being here, he clearly wasn’t intruding.

But what was the next step? Had he just been adopted into their circle and that was it? This was his new life? He’d be allowed to come to family dinners and fill a spot that seemed to be free next to Jayce.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want the spot. He hadn’t even spent a week with Jayce and yet it had been the most mature, but also the most liberating experience.

Jayce was a good conversation partner. They were interested in similar things. They were able to live together without annoying each other, so far. And Jayce, to Viktor’s absolute surprise, didn’t drain his social battery.

It was too good to be true. And Viktor was smarter than that.
He got out of the bathroom, hearing commotion in the dinner room and slowing his step. Maybe he could wait a few more seconds before making the awkward return.

He took a look around the hallway, stopping in his tracks. Apart from more family pictures, there was a claw machine, just standing in the corner.

Viktor stepped closer. It was filled with adorable plushies, and had some wonderful motifs painted on.

„Do you like it?“

Viktor jumped so heavily he hit his cane against the machine, cursing quietly, turning to Connol, who stood in the hall with a relaxed face.

„Sorry, I uh. Yes. It’s wonderful.“ Viktor smiled, opting for honesty.

Connol chuckled. „I wasn’t going to spy on you, I just thought maybe you lost your way.“

„It’s a big house.“ Viktor chuckled, looking back at the machine for another second. It was mesmerizingly beautiful.

„I built it.“ Connol smiled and Viktor noticed now, the metal bars being put together in a very good, but still handmade fashion.

„An engineer aswell.“ Viktor smiled and Connol laughed. „Yeah. It was a wedding gift for Felicia. She is fantastic with claw machines, gets something out of every one we walk past.“

Viktor was impressed. He had been certain these machines were a scam most of the time.

„I always thought they were a scam until I met her.“ Connol grinned, mirroring Viktor’s thoughts.

„She got each of our children’s plushies out of them. We drive to a fair once a year to watch her win her own weight in children’s toys.“ he laughed.

Viktor smiled. They were an adorable family.

„It’s a gorgeous gift. And impressive craftsmanship.“ he had to compliment, Connol waving him off. „Don’t make me blush.“

They both laughed, and Viktor felt at peace. Why was he so nervous. These people were wonderful, not just to him, also to each other.

„I know the bunch can be a lot.“ Connol smiled. „But you don’t need to pretend with them. They will give you this love without expectations and conditions. Not because you need it but because they have enough to give.“

Viktor nodded. He didn’t understand why Connol knew how to find the right words.

„Oh don’t look at me like that.“ Connol laughed. „Felicia, Vander and Silco were a tight running team when I first met them. I was frightened of joining them, of indulging and taking up space that I didn’t deserve. They had created such a safe haven of love for themselves, I didn’t want to ruin it.“

Viktor could understand that. It fit what he felt, what he was scared of. There was space around Jayce, space that he could take. That Jayce offered to him by bringing him here.

„Viktor, shake that thought of.“ Connol smiled, making him look up. „Look at me. I‘m in a house with five bedrooms. I built my wife a claw machine and my children each have a parent. If there’s love to give, take it.“

Viktor nodded, the words settling in.

He was the only one denying himself of this. His fears and the words that Zach had said.

„I-„ he stopped himself. There were no words he found.

„You don’t have to say anything.“ Connol shook his head. „Let’s get back to the table.“

The empty seats on the dinner table had been filled with new faces. Viktor knew Silco, who gave him a small nod, recognized Vander from seeing him in the club, and obviously knew Felicia and Jayce.

He didn’t know what he had expected, but it certainly hadn’t been two young women, hair colorful, to look at him with a curious look on their faces.

„Who’s that?“ the blue haired girl asked, as Viktor slid back into his head.

„That’s Viktor.“ Vander gently explained. „He’s a friend of Jayce‘s, and is more than welcome here.“

It was a statement directed at Viktor, topped off by a small wink from the big man. Viktor smiled as a response.

„You’re the guy with the shitty boyfriend?“ The girl with the pink hair raised her brow.

Viktor was surprised, not even managing to answer before Felicia did, shoving her elbow into her daughters side.

„Violet!“

„Ouch, mother!“ Violet, apparently, laughed at the sudden reaction of her mother.

„Viktor actually has broken up with his shitty boyfriend.“ Jayce chimed in, maybe to interrupt the little scenery.

„That’s good to hear.“ Silco nodded, a bit too quick.

„Yeah, lovely!“ Felicia chirped like someone had found a button on her.

„And you apparently already knew.“ Jayce sighed, confirming Viktor’s suspicions that they were behaving weird.

„Elora called me.“ Vander gently explained, giving Viktor an apologetic glance.
„She wanted me to talk to you about me joining you, to help change the locks.“

Viktor was surprised. That did seem reasonable, to have someone with them, who would be able to do that.

„I can also change locks.“ Jayce brought up, making Silco snort. Viktor looked over to Silco, who had the most amused smile on his face.

„Jayce, don’t you think you‘d rather try to change the shape of the bastards face if ever in his proximity again?“

Viktor looked over to Jayce, who seemed to consider Silco‘s words, hand tightly wrapped around his knife that he had been busy cutting his vegetables with.

„You‘re probably correct.“ he sighed.

Viktor had to let the pictures play in his mind for a second, Jayce bashing Zach‘s face in. It didn’t even scare him, only gave him a weird feeling of relief.

„Also Pops is scary.“ the blue haired girl added.

„What Powder is trying to say is that Vander is a fantastic body guard.“ Felicia clarified.

Powder and Violet. Fascinating.

„Yeah I‘m sure.“ Viktor smiled at Vander, who smiled right back.

Connol‘s words were echoing in his mind. Accepting this love, accepting their effort, he’d only have to allow it.

It wouldn’t be easy, but looking at Jayce, who was already laughing about another conversation starting, Viktor knew that it was worth it.

Chapter Text

chapter 12

„They’re lovely people.“ , Viktor commented once they were back in the car, some tupperware with food carefully stacked in the backseat. 

„They are.“ Jayce smiled. „We meet at least once per week and I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I‘ve been told if I don’t bring you next time, I will suffer consequences.“ 

Viktor laughed, realizing how the feeling of freedom had gained another layer - a feeling of relief. 

He was so relieved. 

He had spent a wonderful night with Jayce. He had been amongst nice people, who cared for each other. At no point, he had been scared to look at Jayce, and find him angry at him. 

Of course, there had been a part of him that expected it- but he had known, deep down, that it would never be the case. 

It was like a warm shower after a day of freezing. 

He decided to act on impulse, to do something crazy, reaching over and putting a hand on Jayce‘s thigh. He had never been so courageous before, his breath halting at his own bold move. 

Jayce slowed in his movements, looking down at Viktor’s hand shortly, before glancing back up at him. 

„I.. wanted to thank you, Jayce.“, Viktor spoke against his fear. Had he gone too far? Was he behaving weird? 

Jayce constantly touched him. A hand here, a squeeze there- and two hugs that Viktor knew he shouldn’t be counting. 

Why was this so scary. 

Jayce‘s face, much to his surprise, split into a smile. 

„You don’t need to thank me, Viktor. It’s been an honor, and you’ve been the best addition to tonight that I could have ever imagined.“ 

A part of Viktor, a part that he had been pretty good at hiding so far, wanted to push- had he been only a good, no the best, addition to tonight? Or was he a good addition in general? 

Was there more truth in Connol‘s words? That he could take this love, selfishly, like he didn’t just deserve it but also like he could give it back fully. 

Like he could give Jayce what slumbered deep inside of him. 

He realized he was still feeling jeans under his palm, gently pulling the hand away. He had looked at Jayce‘s face the entire time, and yet not even paid attention to anything in it. 

The expression was back, the one of the night after Mel and Elora had been over. 

Viktor had never been good at reading faces, had gone through years of struggles because of that, of always expecting the worst in people because that’s all their faces told him. 

But if he allowed himself to look at Jayce with a childish glance, with the eyes of a man who hadn’t just wasted two years of his life to someone, and who was so free and so full of relief- then he could swear he saw something hopeful in Jayce‘s face. 

„Let‘s get home.“ Jayce interrupted the moment, yet the feeling didn’t leave. It didn’t drop, nor did it flee. Here, in the golden light of Jayce‘s car interior lamp, the feeling was still there, and Viktor got to enjoy every second of it. 

„Yeah.“ Viktor smiled. „That sounds nice.“ 

He thought the feeling he had experienced in the car would leave, but it didn’t. 

He found it everywhere. 

In the way Jayce would be already gone in the mornings, but would leave a sticky note on the kitchen counter, with a small smiley scribbled on it, wishing Viktor a great day. 

And always signed with his full name. 

In the way Jayce would ask Viktor to pay for groceries and name him a sum that in no way in hell would pay the groceries. Specifically not with Jayce‘s intake of sweet, carbonated drinks. 

But Viktor understood that Jayce just wanted to give him the feeling that he was adding to it, that he wasn’t living here for free. 

In the way that Jayce always cooked more for himself, yet left the kitchen clean in case Viktor wanted to cook for himself. 

In the way Jayce sat in one of his chairs in the evening, under a small lamp, reading books that Viktor had last touched in middle school, explaining how he liked reading them again with a new perspective.

In the way Jayce would feel like Viktor wasn’t just welcome, but genuinely appreciated. 

Viktor didn’t know what that feeling was. He was terrible at naming feelings anyways, and he was certainly not going to put a name on something that felt this perfect. 

Instead, he decided to keep it around, to cherish every moment of it, to savour it until it was gone. 

Monday rolled around fast. 

Too fast, if he was honest. He had gotten so used to Jayce, in this week, in just these few days. 

But here he was, taking some hours off work and leaving early, to get changed and ready to hopefully find his apartment empty. 

He didn’t know what he‘d do with it next, all he knew was that he wanted to enter it without anyone in it. 

And find, with a bit luck, some of his belongings still intact. 

He entered Jayce‘s apartment, met with some music, something jazz-like. 

He got around the corner to the kitchen, finding Jayce in the kitchen, at the stove. 

He was cooking something, but Viktor‘s attention was quickly pulled away from that.

Jayce wasn’t dancing, that was clear, there was definitely too little movement to call it dancing- but he was moving, just slightly, his back muscles stretching and tensing under his shirt. 

He looked completely lost in the music, and Viktor felt terrible to interrupt, but for how long would he get away with watching. 

For a few more seconds he allowed himself to indulge, watching Jayce move his head a little, a little flick of the wrist, a lean- like he was thinking about dance moves, just not completing them. 

With Jayce moving to grab a fork, he was seen, Jayce not flinching or jumping. 

„Hey.“ he smiled at Viktor. „Didn‘t even hear you come in.“ 

Viktor chucked. „I didn’t mean to interrupt.“ 

Jayce didn’t seem embarrassed. „You didn’t. Just making lunch, you want something?“ 

Viktor shook his head. „I will shower and get ready. Elora and Vander want to pick me up soon.“ 

Jayce nodded, understanding. „I see. Are you okay?“ 

Viktor put his work bag down, letting the question settle for a second. Was he okay? 

The feeling hadn’t left him. The Jayce-feeling. 

But he was nervous, of what to find. Not scared, just.. uncertain. 

„I think so.“ he answered thoughtfully. „I think it’s a lot of change that’s coming up.“

„And is that good or bad? In your eyes, I mean.“ Jayce smiled, looking for a plate in the cupboard but not turning his face away from Viktor, just using his hands blindly, feeling for his plate.

It was like he was trying to see everything of Viktor, scared to leave him out of his sight for just a second-  and yet Viktor didn’t feel like prey. Just seen and paid attention to. 

„I think both.“ Viktor admitted. There were some bad aspects of change, and usually those overruled his life. 

But not now. Now change, his own place and getting it back, would mean he could add more to the freedom and relief. More control. 

He had always been fine with giving up control, for the greater good, for the path of least resistance.

The next time he’d give it up, he wanted it to be a conscious and positive decision. 

„Yeah, I get what you mean.“ Jayce nodded, clearly lost in thought for a second, before gathering himself again. 

„If you’re back, I‘ll be probably baking, just as a heads up, the kitchen will be a mess.“ 

Viktor chuckled. „Is there an occasion?“ 

„Yes, actually- Vi has graduated and we‘re invited to dinner tomorrow.“ Jayce smiled. 

„Oh.“ Viktor‘s eyebrows shot up in surprise. We?

„Obviously only if you’re up for it!“ Jayce smiled. „But I told Fel I’d try to bring you.“ 

Viktor felt his heart pound against his chest, genuinely surprised he had been invited and was so wanted around Jayce’s family. 

„That sounds lovely.“, he got out. The feeling was so strong, he felt like he had to get closer to Jayce. 

But that would be weird. And not the point. And also, he remembered, he would be picked up by Elora very soon. 

„I just said, if you’re back.“ Jayce brought up, visibly deep in thought now. „I mean.. are you?“ 

Viktor was taken by surprise by that, and ripped out of his thoughts. 

„Am I what?“, he stuttered, and for the first time he could see that whatever Jayce‘s emotion was right now, it was something negative. Something… insecure. 

„Coming back.“ Jayce forced himself to a smile but it just looked like a kind gesture. 

„Oh.“ 

And yes, Oh. Viktor hadn‘t thought this through. If the apartment would be empty, and in a good state.. there was logically no reason to come back. He could move back in by tonight. 

That was how these things were done, right? He had overstayed his welcome by far. He had been here more than socially acceptable. Hell, a week longer and he’d be able to predict Jayce. 

But the truth was he didn’t want to leave. And it didn’t look like Jayce wanted him to leave either. But he couldn’t stay here. He just couldn’t. 

„I.. should maybe come back tonight.“ Viktor tried to find a compromise in his own brain, tried to sound like a reasonable adult. „Just so I can take a breather after seeing the apartment.“ 

Jayce nodded, hand flexing nervously. „Yeah that sounds good. I will be here.“ 

Viktor nodded. Of course he would. He‘d probably also wait here if Viktor had planned to stay away. 

It was hard even imagining Jayce alone, in this big apartment, without anyone watching him do all these wonderful little things. 

Who would notice the face he made when reading something he thought was inspiring? Who would make him draw little sticky notes? Who would watch him closely as he tried to find out which taste was missing in the selfmade sauce? 

„I really need to shower.“ Viktor realized and Jayce nodded, rushed. „I didn’t mean to keep you.“ 

Viktor just shook his head and hurried to the bathroom, leaving his cane in the bedroom and using the doorframes to get by. 

His mind was spinning, but felt dull. 

He genuinely wanted to stay here, but he knew he couldn’t. Life didn’t go that way. 

And he couldn’t even ask Jayce if, what, he wanted to be platonic roommates? Viktor was certain that whatever he was feeling for Jayce was the furthest from platonic one even could feel.

The bell rang when he was combing his hair back, luckily already having found clothes. He just wore something simple, nothing crazy.

Stepping out into the hallway, where Jayce and Elora were having a conversation in hushed voices, he kind of wished Jayce would come along. Just to be there, just because he wanted him around. 

But he had to do this alone. 

It was much better that way, also to not risk a physical encounter of Jayce and Zach. Silco had been right, Jayce would probably not be able to hold back with caving the man’s face in. 

Elora looked gorgeous, with her hair put up tightly, a well fitted suit on, looking very professional. 

„There you are.“, she smiled brightly, and Viktor was glad she was in such a good mood. She’d probably make this a lot easier than he had expected it to be, a weird lingering feeling not leaving his chest. 

„Come on, Vander is waiting in the car.“ 

Viktor looked at Jayce once more as he followed Elora, who held the door open for them, looking gorgeous and warm and light, like anything Viktor had ever wished for. 

„Good luck, Viktor.“, Jayce smiled and god, his voice was so earnest. So real. 

Viktor gave him a slight nod, watching Jayce stay and watch them as the elevator doors slid close. He‘d manage. He would. 

And then he‘d return to this wonderful man, the sun ray splitting through clouds. Even if not for forever.

Elora was a good driver and Viktor felt ridiculous in the front seat, with the huge man that Vander was in the backseat, but he had insisted. 

Parking outside the apartment complex, Viktor felt his heartbeat in his throat. 

The jazz that Elora had put on in her car was upbeat and fun, fingers that jumped around on a piano and Viktor tried to let it soothe him. 

„Come on.“ Elora winked at him. 

„Can‘t be too bad, can it?“

Chapter Text

chapter 13

Unlocking the apartment was a relief, his old keys still working. 

He pushed the door open with his cane, waiting for resistance, but finding none. 

On the first look, it seemed better than last time. At least to Viktor. 

Next to him, Elora gasped, seeing the state of the walls, of his books and the broken table and chairs. Something that Viktor had already seen and was just happy and relieved to not find in a worse state right now. Yes, another vase was shattered, some more picture frames, but that was all fine. 

They entered, a few clothes still on the floor, but if Viktor looked closely, he recognized it all being his jackets that had been hung up at the back of the door. Nothing too wild. 

„Did he do this?“ Elora pointed at everything and Viktor nodded. 

„What an asshole.“, Vander pointed out. „Sorry, but…“, he didn’t bring up another but, just shaking his head in shock and disappointment. 

„It’s not much worse than last time.“, Viktor spoke out what he thought sounded like something good, but given the reaction that Elora and Vander gave him, that wasn’t the case. 

„I mean I broke up with him and left, it’s surprisingly fine for that.“, he tried again, only earning a gentle scoff from Vander. 

„And he thinks he’s a dom… can’t even take a proper breakup.“ 

„Yeah.“ Elora laughed. „My doms need to take me completely obliterating their skills and they don’t throw a fit.“ 

„If any of my doms treated me this way…“, Vander shook his head and Viktor couldn’t help but be taken by surprise. 

Vander… his doms… 

„You‘re a sub?“, he blinked, earning a laugh from Vander. 

„What, do I not look the part ?“ 

That wasn’t something Viktor had wanted to imply. He had seen plenty of very wildly mixed couples at the club far before meeting Jayce, he had seen it all and he had in no way been trying to be judgemental, already opening his mouth to apologize, when Vander waved him off, a comfortable smile on his lips. 

„Dont worry, I promise I'm just teasing you. Yes, I'm a sub. And one with plenty of fantastic doms.“ he grinned. 

„The greed they talk about in the bible!“, Elora commented, while picking up some of Viktor‘s jackets, causing Viktor to laugh. 

He thought of Connol, of Felicia and of Silco. He had not thought about their preferences too much, but it did make sense. He could imagine all of them well in a position of power. 

„I wouldn’t call it greed, I‘d call it very very lucky.“ Vander winked and put his bag on the table, searching everything he needed to change the locks. 

„I‘d say we do that last.“, Elora pointed out. „Viktor, we should check if anything has been stolen, or broken beyond repair and make lists. I‘m not saying you need to use them against Zach, but it would be good to have everything documented.“ 

Viktor nodded, looking around. He‘d have to remember well, but whatever was necessary. 

Viktor didn’t want to notice, but he couldn’t help realizing, as he gently and carefully went through his stuff to make sure it was okay, that Zach‘s things weren’t gone. 

The letter about him having to leave the apartment had been found by Vander in the kitchen, so at least it had been read. 

But nothing was missing, nothing that anyone would take with them when moving out. 

Zach still had to live here, there was no other way, something that Viktor genuinely didn’t hope for it to be the case.

Elora pulled him out of the bedroom after a while, scouting the kitchen for some snacks or at least something to drink, pushing a lemonade into his hands that had been in the fridge. 

It tasted weird- the same taste as always, one of Zach‘s favorites that Viktor had occasionally liked to get a few sips from, just that this time it didn’t feel right. 

He had to be losing his mind. 

He truly couldn’t wait to get back to Jayce. 

It was then, when he heard the lock in the door click, his blood starting to rush. Zach was coming home. 

Immediately, he felt panic and the sudden and very overwhelming urge to hide, to hide himself and Vander and Elora. He wasn’t meant to be here. He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

Unable to follow any of his intuitions, he stayed where he was, feet stuck in the spot he had leaned against the bar to take some weight off of his hips. Fuck. 

Zach looked the same as he had when Viktor had left him here, over a week ago.

Viktor couldn’t help but notice him wearing a hoodie that he had once gotten Zach, and just for a fraction of a second, there was doubt in his mind. 

Could it be that Zach actually cared ? That he missed Viktor, that he regretted anything that had happened and wanted to do better? 

Zach‘s face turned into something disgusting and sour, and recognition hit Viktor‘s frontal lobe. 

No, this man didn’t care for Viktor. He cared for himself, he cared for himself so much that he had tried to change Viktor in every way possible. 

„What the fuck are you doing here?!“, Zach spat, only now noticing Elora and Vander. 

„And why are you bringing strangers in here ?!“ 

Viktor didn’t know what to say, a glance to Elora confirming that she had only been quiet to give him an opportunity to answer himself. 

When Viktor‘s words didn’t come, she turned to Zach, a sudden professional posture change visible.

„A week has passed. My client has informed you he’d return and reclaim his apartment.“ 

From plenty of fights with Zach, Viktor knew that Zach wanted to start screaming, that the way his knuckles tensed, he was going to put a hole in the wall. 

But he didn’t, a small look at Vander and Zach rolled his shoulders back, as if to seem bigger. 

Vander raised his brow, apparently also having noticed what Viktor was seeing. Zach was scared of Vander and wouldn’t argue. 

Viktor wanted to feel relief, in the overwhelming feeling of panic. He had made the right decision by taking Vander along. 

„So what ? You just kick me out ?!“, Zach directed the words at Viktor, clearly a controlled speech, trying to keep his anger in and his tone appropriate. 

„He already has.“, Elora pointed out. „I‘d advise you to pack. Quickly." 

The power in her voice was fascinating, Viktor making a note in his head to thank her later. 

„And you don’t say anything to that ? You just accept that ?“, Zach looked at Viktor again, his expression reading like a child trying to get out of homework. An expression that Viktor had seen on him before. An expression that made his stomach turn.

Viktor finally woke from his trance. He had spent enough time standing here. 

„What do you want me to say, Zach ?“, he found his voice, seeing Vander smile softly in the corner of his eye. They were here. Nothing would happen to him, not now.

„I want you to get out of my apartment.“, Viktor said with full intent now. He wasn’t in the backseat of his mind anymore, he wasn’t solely listening to himself speak. 

He wanted Zach out of here, and out of his life altogether. 

Zach made a disgusted sound, walking past them with angry steps, right to the bedroom, where Viktor could hear a suitcase being retrieved and things being moved. 

He breathed. He had put his foot down. 

Elora stepped closer, catching his attention, a huge grin on her face. 

„Hell yeah, Viktor.“ she whispered, and Vander chuckled, starting to assemble and prepare the locks. 

This chaos would be over. 

Returning to Jayce‘s apartment, after telling Elora he was absolutely sure he could be alone right now, was a relief. 

They were done. Zach had packed his things, had left and returned for more, and left again. Final, this time.

He had mumbled something about sending Viktor an address in case he had forgotten something, all under the careful watch of Vander, and had disappeared.

Looking for Jayce, Viktor found a note on the counter, about Jayce being out to get something from the grocery store real quick. 

He had thought of him returning to an empty apartment then. 

With a quiet curse, Viktor made his way to the couch. His hip was hurting like hell, and so was his wrist. Knowing his body, his knees would be next, before his back would join. 

He had overdone it, the stress and the walking and the adrenaline. Viktor knew exactly what the beginning of a flare looked like. 

It was frustrating, now more than ever. 

He had just kicked Zach out, he had just told Jayce he’d be here another night and then he’d have to rebuild his life, back into a functioning system. 

This wasn’t the moment for his body to betray him, for the wave of exhaustion sweeping him off his feet. He toed off his shoes and shed his coat, rolling together like a cat on the comfy couch, the big windows to the city giving him enough to look at. To distract himself a bit more. 

He knew flares, he knew that he would be able to handle it, but it meant a lot of rest, a break from work as well. 

Nothing his job didn’t know, but truly the worst timing. 

He closed his eyes. When had his illness ever have the right timing? 

He woke a while later, the light being warm and yellow, someone moving in the room he was in. 

It took him a few seconds to remember. 

He had returned from his apartment, after kicking Zach out, and had fallen asleep on Jayce‘s couch, knowing a flare was upon him. 

Like on cue, he felt his knees and his back ache, groaning. What an idiot he was. 

In the next second, there was someone next to him. Jayce, eyes big. 

„Hey, did I wake you? You were pretty out of it.“ he smiled, and Viktor was able to read worry from his face.

„You didn’t.“ he shook his head, hand wandering to his own back, as if he could heal it by applying pressure. Just an instinct, by now, or an unnecessary hope. 

„Are you okay?“ Jayce‘s hand manifested on his shoulder, warm and huge and very comforting. So comforting, Viktor felt his eyes wanting to close, having to fight for them to stay open. 

„It‘s a flare.“, he explained with the first words that came to his mind. „It’s going to take my next few days. I‘m sorry, Jayce.“ 

He felt terrible. It wasn’t a nice sight, he knew that well, and then having that sight in his living room? That wasn’t something Jayce had signed up for at all. 

No one had signed up for that, he remembered. Not even Zach, when he promised to always be there. He hadn’t, but Viktor had never blamed him. No one could really see how ugly it was. 

And a part of him didn’t want to see how ugly it was either. Not with how Jayce looked at him, like there was someone so likeable in his skin. 

„Nothing to be sorry for, Viktor.“, Jayce‘s voice was so honest, so careful. 
„How about I bring you to your bedroom?“

The idea of a bed was wonderful, something that would at least make him be able to stretch out his legs a little. 

He nodded, not knowing what to expect, but certainly not expecting to find himself in Jayce‘s arms the next second, being lifted into the air like he weighed nothing. 

Viktor couldn’t even argue, just pressed his head against Jayce‘s shoulder. 

Everything hurt, and this was nice, like being lifted out of cold water into the sun, just for a couple seconds. 

Jayce carried him to the bedroom, putting him down before going to put the blinds down, turning on a small light in the corner of the room. 

Viktor just watched him, head half propped up against a pillow. 

„You should get out of those clothes.“ Jayce returned to the bed with a small smile. 

Viktor sighed, nodding, hands flying to his belt, gathering strength to open it. He couldn’t be embarrassed right now, he was simply missing the capacity for that.

„Put those hands away.“, Jayce pushed his hands away gently, not touching Viktor, just looking at him with a softness in his eyes. 
„Let me help, yes?“ 

He was waiting, for an answer, for the confirmation that this was okay. 

Viktor would have thrown himself into his arms if it had been okay, just smiling slightly and giving him a nod. 

Jayce got to work, his brows leveling to something almost professional looking, as he opened Viktor‘s belt, removed it carefully without making it snap, then went to gently pull his pants and socks off. 

Viktor watched him, wondering if this was what Jayce looked like dominating someone. A thought he would have judged himself for, maybe, given other circumstances. 

But he was tired, he had fought his battle today, and he had won. Now his body was giving him the bill for that. Nothing that Viktor had ever gotten had been for free. 

So when Jayce leaned over him to get him out of his pullover, mindful to keep Viktor‘s face out of the fabric like he knew that Viktor was claustrophobic, he allowed himself the thoughts, the yearning he felt for the other. 

„You okay ? Cold ?“, Jayce removed the blanket from under him with calculated small pulls, so Viktor wouldn’t roll, before tucking him in. 

Viktor shook his head. Not cold at all, how would he ever be able to be cold if taken care of so nicely ?

„Thank you, Jayce.“ he croaked out, the pain making him close his eyes. 

„Do you have painkillers somewhere?“, Jayce stood, and Viktor disliked the weight shift of the bed. It was far better with Jayce next to him. 

He managed to describe to the other where he had put his emergency bag, with all the meds he was allowed to use during a flare, and Jayce returned with water and the meds, making sure Viktor‘s head was high enough before he handed him the open water bottle. Jayce kept a hand on the water bottle, to take some weight off of it, and Viktor wasn’t sure how to thank him for it. His wrists were dull with pain. 

„I‘m sorry.“, he repeated once he had settled in a position that didn’t hurt as much. Jayce hummed. „No need to apologize, Viktor. It’s an honor.“ 

Viktor felt Jayce‘s hand gently push his hair out of his face, allowing himself to finally close his eyes. 

„Did the cake turn out good?“ he carefully asked, eyes still closed, scared Jayce would take the hand away. He still cared, he still wanted to know. 

Jayce laughed, keeping his voice down while doing so, not removing his hand. 

„I‘d say it’s edible, which is something. Sleep now, Viktor, rest a bit.“ 

Viktor made a sound of agreement, feeling sleep pull him in once more. 

„Thank you.“, he managed a last whisper, before the weight of exhaustion settled in.