Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Link started a chat) 

(Link added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, and Terrako to the chat) 

Link: 👋 

Mipha: Link? What’s this? 

Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Zelda: ????? 

Daruk: whejkjkrjhhkhekjjhkjhk 

Revali: you drunk or something? 

Daruk: just figuring out how to use this thing 

Revali: what’s this anyway? 

Mipha: It looks like some kind of message group… 

Link:  👍 

Urbosa: first we’re all given sheikah slates, and then this… intriguing 

Impa: My sister did say this was a new feature for the sheikah slate. It allows users to create message chats with groups of people. It’s what Link did just now. 

Link:  👍 

Revali: hey, you, are you just going to communicate in weird symbols the whole time? 

Link:  👍 

Revali: uuugh, just type words like the rest of us! 

Terrako: 👋 

Revali: Wait, you too? What’s the guardian doing on here? 

Terrako: :) 

Revali: ugh, it’s annoying, get it away! 

Terrako: ********** >:( 

Zelda: Terrako! Where did you learn all those swear words!? 

Impa: He’s been talking to corrupted guardian stalkers again, hasn’t he… 

Zelda: Terrako, I told you to stay away from them! 

Revali: You’re swearing at ME!? I’ll let you know you’re a F***ING PEST! Wait– why can’t I swear? 

(Purah joined the chat) 

Purah: Sorry, we can’t have any of that foul language on here! There are children who use this chat! 

Terrako: **** 🫵 

(Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: Goes for you too, Terrako! WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY! 

Terrako: :( 

Revali: What children!? 

(Tulin and Riju joined the chat) 

Tulin: yooooo! 

Riju: heya! 

Revali: oh my god… children… 

Tulin: I’m playing a game on my sheikah slate rn! 

Riju: u can do that?? 

Tulin: DUH! 

(King Rhoam joined the chat) 

King Rhoam: What is this? 

Zelda: oh, father, it’s a group chat 

King Rhoam: A what? 

Zelda: you can send people digital messages on a chat using the sheikah slate 

King Rhoam: I don’t see how this is going to be useful for preventing the calamity… 

Tulin: ok boomer 

(Teba joined the chat) 

Teba: Tulin, are you off the sheikah slate yet? 

Tulin: OH CRAP DAD’S HERE 

(Tulin left the chat) 

Teba: *sighs* 

(Teba left the chat) 

Impa: it must be hard to be a father 

Zelda: yes, it must… 

King Rhoam: it IS 

(King Rhoam left the chat) 

Zelda: father… 

(Hestu joined the chat) 

Hestu: hey guys! anyone want to dance!? 

Link: 🥦! 

Hestu: not what I’m called 

Revali: as much as I’d LOVE space for more bows… I haven’t collected enough korok seeds for your scheme 

Hestu: aw 

(Hestu left the chat) 

(Sidon joined the chat) 

Sidon: Hello friends! 

Link: 👋 

Mipha: Sidon…? 

Sidon: Hello, dear sister! It’s wonderful to see you again! 

(Yunobo joined the chat) 

Yunobo: h– hey guys, not quite sure how to use this thing, but… I’m trying my best! 

Daruk: you’re doing great! 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: Greetings. 

Link: 🏍? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Patience, child. I’m still working on it. 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Impa: …Purah, how many people did you give sheikah slates? 

Purah: Everyone! 

Impa: …everyone? 

Purah: Yup! 

Impa: You don’t mean EVERYONE everyone, right? 

Purah: I DO! Everyone across Hyrule has a sheikah slate now! 

Impa: hylia help me, how many people are there going to be on this chat? 

(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat) 

Master Kohga: what’s happening, everyone? 

Sooga: it would appear half of Hyrule is on this chat… 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: hello mere mortals 

Master Kohga: YOUUUUU TRAITORRRRR! SCREW YOU! 

Sooga: Master Kohga, please calm yourself. But… yes. Screw him. 

(Ganon joined the chat) 

Impa: Oh. My. Hylia. PURAH!!!!! 

Purah: What? 

Impa: YOU GAVE THE F***ING CALAMITY A F***ING SHEIKAH SLATE!? 

Ganon: YOU ARE MORTAL AS WELL, ASTOR 

Astor: what? nonsense, I can’t possibly be– AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH– 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Revali: HA! GET OWNED! 

(Terrako was disconnected from the chat) 

Zelda: oh no, he needs to be charged again… I must go, everyone! 

(Zelda left the chat) 

Revali: Why don’t the corrupted guardian stalkers run out of power? 

Robbie: We think it’s because of Ganon’s power! 

Riju: I have to go, Buliara wants to tell me about something! 

(Riju left the chat) 

Urbosa: Wait, how is she chief when I’m already chief? 

Robbie: In a way, you both are! 

Urbosa: But how is that possible? 

Revali: This whole thing isn’t real. It’s BOTW, AOC, AND TOTK all at the same time. 

Purah: Revali, don’t be a fourth wall breaker! 

Revali: anyway, this is stupid, I’m going to refine my technique for Revali’s Gale 

(Revali left the chat) 

Sooga: Master Kohga, we should go too. 

Master Kohga: You’re right, it’s lunchtime! I’m starving! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Robbie: I’m going to work on unraveling the mysteries of sheikah and zonai technology! 

(Robbie left the chat) 

Purah: Me too! 

(Purah left the chat) 

Ganon: GOODBYE.
(Ganon left the chat) 

Impa: Jeez, caps lock much? 

Urbosa: The Gerudo desert should get better signal… I have to go… 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Daruk: Death Mountain too. 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Yunobo: ye– 

(Yunobo was disconnected from the chat) 

Sidon: Zora’s Domain does have good signal, but I should leave as well! Goodbye, friends! I have duties to attend to! I hope to chat with you all again soon! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Impa: Well, since everyone’s going, I guess I’ll go too. Bye people! 

(Impa left the chat) 

Mipha: It’s just us now, Link. 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: I have to go as well, unfortunately… but we can talk more another time. 

Link: 👍

(Mipha left the chat) 

Link: 👋

(Link ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Purah started a chat) 

(Purah added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, and Link to the chat) 

Impa: Purah, what’s this about? 

Purah: Hey guys! Robbie and I have been developing new features for sheikah slate chats! 

(Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: Today we’re introducing a feature called RENAMING!!!!! You can change your name on the chat to be anything you want! 

Revali: Can we also change other people’s names? 

Robbie: Of course n– 

Purah: Yes! 

Robbie: Wait… what? 

Purah: Anyone can change anyone else’s name! Go wild, people! 

Robbie: PURAH WHAT!? THIS ISN’T WHAT WE AGREED ON!!! 

(Purah left the chat) 

(Robbie left the chat) 

(Urbosa renamed Revali Asinine) 

Asinine: Wha–! I’ll show you… 

(Asinine renamed themself Revali) 

(Revali renamed Urbosa Buttface) 

Revali: There. 

Buttface: Is that seriously the worst you could come up with? 

Impa: Who else is just… watching their fight? 

Link: 👀🍿 

Daruk: hell yeah, little guy! 

(Buttface renamed themself Urbosa) 

Mipha: Could I try renaming people…? 

Urbosa: sure 

Mipha: okay… 

(Mipha renamed Daruk GoronWarrior) 

(Mipha renamed Impa SheikahAdvisor) 

(Mipha renamed Link TheHylianKnight) 

(Mipha renamed Revali RitoWarrior) 

(Mipha renamed Urbosa GerudoChief) 

(Mipha renamed Zelda HylianPrincess) 

(Mipha renamed themself ZoraPrincess) 

GerudoChief: Okay this is all just accurate 

GoronWarrior: yeah, super civilized! to be expected from Mipha! 

TheHylianKnight: 👍 

RitoWarrior: better than asinine 

SheikahAdvisor: very accurate 

HylianPrincess: indeed 

GoronWarrior: Could I give it a spin? 

ZoraPrincess: oh, sure 

(all names were reset) 

Mipha: Go ahead, Daruk! 

Daruk: Thanks! Alright, let’s go! 

(Daruk renamed Impa TinySheikah) 

(Daruk renamed Link LittleGuy) 

(Daruk renamed Revali TinyRito) 

(Daruk renamed Zelda TinyPrincess) 

(Daruk renamed Mipha EvenTinierPrincess) 

(Daruk renamed Urbosa TinyGerudo) 

TinyRito: I’M NOT TINY YOU’RE JUST HUGE 

TinyPrincess: huh… 

EvenTinierPrincess: … 

TinyGerudo: we should’ve expected Daruk’s renaming to be like this 

LittleGuy: !!! 

TinySheikah: I’m actually tall for a sheikah 

TinyGerudo: could I try now? 

GoronWarrior: yeah, sure! 

(all names were reset) 

(Urbosa renamed Revali AsininePoultry) 

(Urbosa renamed Link TheHero) 

(Urbosa renamed Mipha PreciousCinnamonRoll) 

(Urbosa renamed Zelda LittleBird) 

(Urbosa renamed Impa SheikahVai) 

(Urbosa renamed Daruk Goron) 

AsininePoultry: URBOSA I’M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU– 

Urbosa: HAHAHAHAHA WORTH IT 

LittleBird: ah… this nickname 

Urbosa: yup 

PreciousCinnamonRoll: What is a “cinnamon roll”? 

Link: 😋

PreciousCinnamonRoll: ??? 

Urbosa: it’s you, Mipha 

PreciousCinnamonRoll: I don’t get it? 

Urbosa: “cinnamon roll” is used to refer to someone who is very kind, sometimes even overly so 

PreciousCinnamonRoll: I… see. 

Urbosa: and you’re precious ofc 

Goron: is no one gonna talk about how unoriginal this is? really Urbosa? 

Urbosa: I didn’t know what to put tbh 

Goron: am I that boring 

SheikahVai: mine too 

TheHero: … 

(AsininePoultry renamed themself Revali) 

Revali: Alright, that’s IT, it’s my turn! 

(all names were reset) 

(Revali renamed Urbosa AsinineDeepFriedCamel) 

(Revali renamed Daruk OversizedRock) 

(Revali renamed Link TheFallenKnight) 

(Revali renamed Zelda RudePrincess) 

(Revali renamed Impa NarutoRun) 

(Revali renamed Mipha Doc) 

(Revali renamed themself TheRitoLegend) 

TheRitoLegend: accurate at last 

AsinineDeepFriedCamel: I honestly don’t care 

TheRitoLegend: good because that’s what you really are 

OversizedRock: I knew asinine was your favorite word! 

NarutoRun: um… what? 

TheRitoLegend: you run like Naruto characters 

NarutoRun: who? 

TheRitoLegend: nevermind 

RudePrincess: …you’re not wrong, honestly… 

TheRitoLegend: I’m never wrong 

TheFallenKnight: -_- 

TheRitoLegend: we all know I’m correct, I’m just the only one with the backbone to come out and say it 

Doc: …what does my name mean? 

TheRitoLegend: it’s short for doctor 

Doc: Doctor…? Why? 

TheRitoLegend: ahem… well, you’ve healed my wings a few times in the past… 

Doc: Oh okay I see… 

OversizedRock: bro do you have a soft spot for Mipha or something????? 

TheRitoLegend: shut up 

AsinineDeepFriedCamel: he TOTALLY does 

TheRitoLegend: SHUT UP 

RudePrincess: well, anyway, I think it’s just about time to shut this chat down for the day 

TheRitoLegend: fine 

(all names were reset) 

Link: 👋 

Mipha: Goodbye, Link. 

Daruk: Goodbye, tiny people! 

Urbosa: see ya! 

Zelda: byeeeee 

Impa: goodbye 

(Link ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Robbie started a chat) 

(Robbie added Link, Impa, Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, Terrako, and Riju to the chat) 

Robbie: Check in time, how’s everyone doing? 

Impa: currently helping my sister clean up after her recent experiment… 

Zelda: I too am helping… I’m ashamed to admit I was part of this experiment… 

Terrako: #$%& 

(Impa, Zelda, and Terrako left the chat) 

Robbie: Everyone else? 

Daruk: enjoying some rock roast with my descendant! 

Yunobo: y– yes! 

Tulin: playing more games on my sheikah slate! 

Teba: Tulin, I expect you off within the next hour 

Tulin: *sighs* yes, DAD 

Urbosa: I just got done electrocuting a molduga, I’ll post the pictures later 

Link: ⛰️🐴⚔️🔜☠️😤 

Urbosa: huh 

Daruk: What are you saying, little guy? 

Revali: pictionary with Link again, FUN /s 

Mipha: Um, I think… he’s talking about killing the lynel on Ploymus Mountain. 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: ooohhh… great job, little guy! 

Urbosa: of course YOU’D know, Mipha ^-^ 

Mipha: Yes… we just finished killing it together. 

Urbosa: oh 

Sidon: Ah, yes, I was there as well! It was a wonderful experience to fight alongside my beloved sister and dear friend Link! 

Daruk: awesome, invite me next time! 

Revali: tch, I just finished killing a guardian completely on my own, from the sky 

Mipha: Oh, right! I’ll heal your feathers from those lasers it struck you with at the next meeting! 

Revali: MIPHA 

Tulin: did bro get smoked 

Revali: shut up 

Riju: I think blud did 

Revali: SHUT UP CHILDREN 

Robbie: How did the renaming go…? Was it okay…? 

Daruk: it was actually surprisingly tame 

Robbie: Oh good… I was afraid after that change Purah made without consulting me… 

Revali: it was alright, I even got revenge at the end… 

Mipha: Oh wait… there’s one champion who never got to try renaming everyone… 

Revali: There was? 

Mipha: Link didn’t get to try renaming everyone. 

Link: 😄 

Revali: tch, who cares, he isn’t a real champion anyway 

Link: 😠🖕 

Revali: DID THAT LITTLE TWUNK JUST FLIP ME OFF!? 

Urbosa: LMFAOOOOO 

Daruk: Go ahead, little guy! You can rename us now! 

Link: 🤔 

(Link renamed Daruk 👊🪨) 

(Link renamed Revali 🙄🍗) 

(Link renamed Mipha ♥️🐟) 

(Link renamed Urbosa ⚡🐒) 

(Link renamed Sidon 😁🐟) 

(Link renamed Yunobo 😨🪨) 

(Link renamed Teba 😐🐦) 

(Link renamed Tulin 😄🐤) 

(Link renamed Riju 😆🐒) 

Link: 👍 

♥️🐟: Okay, so… Link typically uses 🐟 to refer to Zora, 🪨 to refer to Gorons, 🐦 to refer to Rito, and 🐒 to refer to Gerudo, even though none of us are actually fish, rocks, birds, or monkeys. 

🙄🍗: why is mine THIS and not a BIRD then 

♥️🐟: I’m not actually sure… but the emoji he put means he’s annoyed by you… 

🙄🍗: oh, tch, I don’t even care 

👊🪨: What do the other emoji mean? 

♥️🐟: The fist means he believes you’re very physically strong and steady! 

👊🪨: awesome, never knew these little symbols could carry so much hidden meaning! 

⚡🐒: I take it the electricity has to do with my ability 

♥️🐟: Yes! As for the others, Sidon, yours refers to your smile. 

😁🐟: 😁 

♥️🐟: Yunobo, yours is because you’re… well… frightened easily. 

😨🪨: g– got it 

♥️🐟: Teba, Link sees you as emotionless, and he respects you. 

😐🐦: I see 

♥️🐟: Tulin, however, is very excitable… 

😄🐤: guess so! 

♥️🐟: and he put a chick rather than the normal bird because you’re young 

😆🐒: what about me 

♥️🐟: You must laugh a lot, Riju! 

😆🐒: oh okie 

♥️🐟: Are they all correct, Link? 

Link: 👍 

♥️🐟: Great! 

👊🪨: What about your name, Mipha? 

♥️🐟: M– mine? 

👊🪨: Yeah, the emoji in yours! 

♥️🐟: Oh, well… he loves me… of course. Just as I love him. 

Link: 🫶 

♥️🐟: 🫶 

(all names were reset) 

Teba: Tulin, it’s time to get off 

Tulin: aw… fine 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

Riju: gtg bye 

(Riju left the chat) 

Urbosa: I should also go 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Revali: I have work 

(Revali left the chat) 

Daruk: gonna go get some rock roast, bye people 

Yunobo: m– me too! 

(Daruk and Yunobo left the chat) 

Sidon: Goodbye, friends! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Link: 👋 

Mipha: Oh, you’re leaving now, Link? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Alright… goodbye. 

(Link left the chat) 

Mipha: I should leave as well. 

(Mipha left the chat) 

(Robbie ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(The 24 main characters joined the chat) 

Purah: wait a– 

Impa: ??? 

Purah: THE VERY CHAT BROKE THE FOURTH WALL ITSELF!? HOW DO I CHANGE IT!? 

Robbie: you can’t, unfortunately… chat history can’t be altered yet 

Purah: we’ve got to work on that… anyway, enjoy your party, everyone! 

Robbie: indeed, enjoy the party! 

(Purah and Robbie left the chat) 

Zelda: Everyone, welcome to Hyrule Castle’s grand New Year’s party! 

Sidon: Greetings, friends! 

Mipha: Hi everyone! 

Master Kohga: Where are the bananas? I only came for the bananas. 

Zelda: o– over there 

Master Kohga: Got it. Come, Sooga! 

Sooga: Understood. 

King Rhoam: what are they– 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

King Rhoam: …did they come just to take all the bananas and then leave? 

Zelda: i– it appears so 

Daruk: Where’s the rock roast? 

Yunobo: I found it! 

Daruk: Awesome, Yunobo! Let’s dig in! 

Urbosa: I see the gerudo brought their noble pursuits… don’t mind if I do… 

Riju: oohh, can I have some? 

Urbosa: no, Riju, you’re not 19 yet 

Riju: boo 

Revali: the hell is a noble pursuit? 

Urbosa: just an alcoholic drink 

Revali: the hell is an alcoholic drink? 

Urbosa: wait… Revali… you’ve never…? 

Daruk: whoa, what? even Yunobo ate marbled rock roast once! 

Revali: I bet it sucks anyway 

Urbosa: you should try it 

Revali: guh, fine, ONCE 

Impa: Revali’s going to get himself drunk… 

Revali: heyyyyyy anybody wanna dateeeeeeee 

Impa: I knew it… 

Revali: Miphaaaaa do you love meeeee? 

Mipha: … 

Link: 🔪🩸🍗 

Impa: Urbosa this is your fault 

Zelda: I don’t think she can hear you… she just chugged down ten noble pursuits… 

Daruk: they’re already kicking in 

Urbosa: wazza kicking rock guy 

Daruk: get tf away from me 

Urbosa: wazzup miph and dawuk and wink and wavaiuydkgjhbkjhdbdjhg 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: what the– 

Daruk: she literally just fell asleep on her sheikah slate 

Revali: I eat Impa hair

Revali: I wanna punch the florrrrr 

Revali: Liiiiink would you kiss meeeeee 

Link: 🖕

Teba: Tulin, let’s go fly outside for a bit… 

Tulin: What? But I wanna watch! 

Teba: NOW 

(Teba and Tulin have gone offline) 

Revali: I wavioli wito

(Revali was disconnected from the chat)

Daruk: aaaaand he’s out too 

Impa: I’m out, this is getting too crazy for me 

(Impa left the chat) 

Paya: wait for me! 

(Paya left the chat) 

King Rhoam: in any case, it’s about time for me to go to bed… Zelda, I leave you in charge of the party 

Zelda: wait– WHAT!? 

(King Rhoam left the chat) 

Zelda: FATHER! 

(Teba and Tulin are back online) 

Tulin: What’d we miss? 

Monk Maz Koshia: 59 seconds until the new year begins. 

Zelda: Oh, right! Of course! It’s nearly time for the countdown! For everyone still here, are we ready? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Yes. 

Sidon: Yes! 

Terrako: 👍 

Teba: I suppose 

Tulin: awesome! 

Hestu: YES! 

Daruk: HELL YEAH! 

Yunobo: y– yes! 

Riju: ofc! 

King Dorephan: It’s the one reason I’m here, so yes. 

Monk Maz Koshia: It’s time. Link, would you do the honors? 

Link: 1️⃣0️⃣ 

Link: 9️⃣ 

Link: 8️⃣ 

Link: 7️⃣ 

Link: 6️⃣ 

Link: 5️⃣ 

Link: 4️⃣ 

Link: 3️⃣ 

Link: 2️⃣ 

Link: 1️⃣ 

Link: 0️⃣ 

Mipha: happy new year! 

Sidon: HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Terrako: 🎉 

Zelda: yes, happy new year everyone!! 

Daruk: WOOOOO 

Yunobo: YEEEEE 

Teba: indeed 

Monk Maz Koshia: I will be taking my leave now 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

King Dorephan: I will as well 

(King Dorephan left the chat) 

Daruk: anyone want to do a drinking contest!? 

Mipha: I think everyone who might’ve wanted to is drunk already… 

Hestu: I’ll do it! 

Zelda: YOU will? 

Hestu: I’ve never tried alcohol before! This’ll be fun! 

Mipha: … 

Daruk: you sure, korok dancer! 

Hestu: let’s go! 

Tulin: this popcorn tastes great! 

Riju: it does! 

*a few moments later* 

Daruk: I SWEAR TO HYLIA THAT DOGS ARE EVIL 

Hestu: WHY DO THEY ALWAYS GOTTA HIDE WITH MY MARACAS 

Daruk: JUST LOOK AT THEIR BEADY LITTLE EYES, AND BODIES PRIMED TO ATTACK, AND NO ANIMAL IS THAT FRIENDLY TOWARD PEOPLE THEY HAVE TO BE PLOTTING SOMETHINGGGGG 

Hestu: I HATE EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGG 

(Daruk and Hestu were disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 🏅? 

Mipha: I think they both lost… 

Tulin: wooooohooooo!!!!!!!!!! 

Riju: wheeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! 

Teba: it sounds like the children are getting hyper now… 

Mipha: Let’s put the children and all of the drunk people to bed… 

(Terrako was disconnected from the chat) 

Zelda: Good idea, Terrako ran out of power just now too… unfortunately, though, we don’t actually have enough beds… 

Teba: Tulin, we can fly back to Rito Village. 

Tulin: awwwww… 

Teba: Come on, those without wings aren’t as fortunate as us. 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

Yunobo: I think we can stack drunk people ontop of each other… it’s not like they’ll wake up… 

Mipha: P– perhaps not, but they could… die? 

Yunobo: They could? 

Sidon: Of course they could! 

Yunobo: Huh, but we do this all the time at home when there aren’t enough beds… 

Zelda: Not everyone is as sturdy as Gorons are… 

Yunobo: oh… 

Zelda: *sighs* it’s worth a try, though, with how many people we have to get into bed… 

Link: 2️⃣🧍🛏️? 

Zelda: uh… what? 

Mipha: Link’s asking if there are any two person beds 

Zelda: there’s one, but, uh… why do you ask? 

Link: ♥️🐟 

Mipha: o– oh… I see… 

Zelda: go ahead and take it, sure 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: … 

(Link and Mipha left the chat) 

Zelda: there’s also a one person bed in the same room… anyone willing to take it? 

Sidon: I will! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Zelda: okay, now the issue of drunk people and children… 

Yunobo: I’ll show you how to stack them ontop of each other! 

Zelda: wait a minute… what’s that? 

Yunobo: h– huh? that sound…! 

Ganon: I AM BACK. 

Zelda: OH MY HYLIA 

(Purah joined the chat) 

Purah: how’d the party… oh. 

Zelda: Purah you invited GANON!? 

Purah: I invited everyone, so… yeah. 

(Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: is Hyrule Castle going upward now or is that my imagination? 

Zelda: F**** 

(everyone was disconnected from the chat) 

Chapter Text

(Robbie started a chat) 

(Robbie added added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, and Link to the chat) 

Robbie: It’s that time again! I’m here to introduce a new feature for sheikah slate chats! 

Impa: What is it? 

Robbie: It’s pinging! 

Revali: what is “pinging” 

Robbie: It’s when you notify a certain user by typing an @ symbol followed by their name and they will receive a notification no matter where they are or what they’re doing! For example… @Purah 

(Purah joined the chat) 

Purah: Click, snap! 

Mipha: Oh, wow… it works even when they aren’t on the chat? 

Robbie: Correct! And the chat bot allowing for this is @CharactersChatBot! 

CharactersChatBot: Hi! What can I help you with? 

Robbie: …and that’s the automated message for whenever you ping it. 

Daruk: What else can it do? 

Robbie: Try asking it a question! 

Daruk: What kind of question? 

Robbie: Anything! 

Daruk: @CharactersChatBot what’s your favorite food? 

CharactersChatBot: I do not have one, as I don’t need to eat! 

Daruk: huh 

Impa: @CharactersChatBot what can you do? 

CharactersChatBot: My functions include but are not limited to answering questions, playing games, helping with pinging, and giving out chat roles! 

Impa: interesting 

CharactersChatBot: Well, do you have any further questions or should I simply end the chat? 

Impa: you can end it 

(CharactersChatBot ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: I have a game to suggest for today, fellow champions! 

Mipha: What is it? 

Daruk: Truth or dare! 

Urbosa: oh, sure, let’s do it! 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: Who wants to go first? 

Urbosa: I will! Link, truth or dare? 

Link: 1️⃣ 

Urbosa: Are you in love with Mipha? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: O.O 

Revali: well, duh, we can all tell 

Daruk: I’ll go now! Urbosa, truth or dare! 

Urbosa: dare 

Daruk: roll down a hill! 

Urbosa: uh… what? 

Revali: don’t be a chicken 

Urbosa: I’ll have to go find one first but sure 

(Urbosa has gone offline) 

(Urbosa is back online) 

Urbosa: there, sent the video 

Daruk: Got it! Who wants to go now? 

Revali: I’m not playing 

Urbosa: Mipha, you go now! 

Mipha: Oh, um… okay, Revali, I dare you to fly into Gerudo Town, right in front of the guards, and screech at the top of your lungs “THE RITO BRANCH OF THE YIGA HATH RETURNED!” 

Revali: did you not read the message I just sent!? 

Mipha: (Urbosa told me to) 

Revali: I’m not even playing 

Urbosa: don’t be a scaredy-bird 

Revali: I’ll pay you back for this 

(Revali has gone offline) 

Mipha: Is he actually doing it…? 

Urbosa: I’m keeping an eye out 

Link: 👀 

Urbosa: I see a Rito flying in… it’s Revali! 

Daruk: NO WAY! 

Urbosa: he yelled “THE RITO BRANCH OF THE YIGA HATH RETURNED!” aaaaand the guards chased him out with their spears 

Mipha: … 

Daruk: I’M DEAD 

Link: 🤣 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: a spear literally took a feather off my wing… 

Urbosa: heheheh 

Revali: Funny. My turn now. Urbosa, I am daring you to jump off a cliff, right now. 

Urbosa: there aren’t any cliffs in the gerudo desert 

Revali: You have plenty in the gerudo highlands I had to fly over on my way to gerudo town. Go there. Jump down. 

Urbosa: Revali– 

Revali: “DON’T BE A SCAREDY-BIRD”, ASININE DEEP FRIED CAMEL 

Daruk: whoa, Ravioli’s bringing out the big guns 

Revali: DON’T CALL ME THAT ALSO ACTUALLY I’M GONNA DARE YOU ALL TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF (except Mipha) 

Daruk: yeah, sure, Daruk’s Protection is ready to roll! 

(Link has gone offline) 

Mipha: Link…? 

Urbosa: I don’t think he’s actually doing it… probably… 

Daruk: what’s happening 

Mipha: wait, I can see him at Shatterback Point… to practice diving, hopefully… 

Daruk: come to think of it… he once tried to jump off Death Mountain on a dare… I wouldn’t put it past him 

(Link was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: NO HE JUST JUMPED OFF THE SIDE HE’S FALLING TOWARD THE GROUND THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING NOOOOOOOOOO REVALI YOU SUCK 

(Mipha was disconnected from the chat) 

Urbosa: shame on you Ravioli 

Revali: what I am about to do isn’t for Link, or for you Urbosa, or for Daruk 

(Revali has gone offline) 

(Link and Mipha reconnected to the chat) 

(Revali is back online) 

Mipha: Revali… thank you… 

Daruk: What happened!? 

Mipha: Revali caught Link before he hit the ground… 

Urbosa: damn Revali, I didn’t know you actually cared, so I take back what I just said 

Revali: okay no I wanted to see Link implode but I realize Mipha would never even talk to me again 

Mipha: …I don’t know what to say at this point… 

Daruk: damnit, this was the most intense game of truth or dare I’ve ever played, I have to go lie down 

Urbosa: seeya 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Urbosa: I’m going too before Revali remembers what he dared me to go do 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Revali: HEY 

(Revali left the chat) 

Mipha: Link, goodbye… and please don’t throw yourself off a cliff again, ever. 

Link: 🐦🛟! 

Mipha: Yeah, okay, Revali saved you this time, but you could’ve died! What about me, then? 

Link: 🔮 

Mipha: You… you KNEW he was going to catch you? 

Link: 👍 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: Ah, my young apprentice, we shall become future-seers together and foretell the return of– 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 😠🖕 

Mipha: … 

Link: 🙂👋 

Mipha: Yes… goodbye. 

(Mipha left the chat) 

(Link ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: I have another game to suggest, fellow champions 

Revali: What is it this time? 

Daruk: Two truths and a lie! It’ll be far safer… 

Urbosa: huh 

Daruk: I’ll go first! 1. I’ve eaten marbled rock roast before, 2. I fell in lava once, 3. I have a pet rock. 

Urbosa: pet rock 

Link: 2️⃣ 

Mipha: it sounds like they’re all true… 

Revali: no clue 

Daruk: the lie was the marbled rock roast 

Urbosa: Wait, WHAT? Even Yunobo tried it, you said! 

Daruk: yeah, but for some reason, I just couldn’t eat it… it felt wrong… 

Urbosa: HUH 

Daruk: Anyway, who wants to go next? Urbosa? 

Urbosa: Sure. 1. I once let a voe sneak into gerudo town, 2. I have a pet sand seal, 3. I was friends with Zelda’s mother 

Revali: the first one, there’s no way 

Daruk: first one for sure 

Link: 2️⃣ 

Mipha: the sand seal, for some reason, I feel is incorrect 

Urbosa: Link and Mipha are correct! Though Link certainly had an unfair advantage on this one, after all, he’s the voe that I let into gerudo town… 

Mipha: Yes, Link once told me about that… 

Revali: WHAAAAATTTTT 

Daruk: NO WAY 

Urbosa: Anyway, who’s going next? 

Link: 1️⃣. 🍖😋, 2️⃣. 🐴✖️2️⃣0️⃣⚔️☠️, 3️⃣. 🧗😨! 

Revali: oh goody, pictionary again /s 

Urbosa: Mipha, honey, could you please translate for us? 

Mipha: The first option says he loves meat, the second option says he’s killed twenty lynels, and the third option says he’s afraid of climbing. 

Revali: the lie is definitely the second option, there’s no way 

Daruk: it’s definitely the third option, one time he beat me scaling gut check rock! 

Urbosa: yeah, the third one, probably 

Mipha: Yeah, probably… which one was the lie, Link? 

Link: 3️⃣ 

Daruk: knew it! 

Urbosa: thought so 

Revali: whAT 

Daruk: Revali, your turn now! 

Revali: ugh, do I have to? 

Urbosa: just do it 

Mipha: It’ll be quick! 

Revali. Fine… 1. I killed five guardians from a hundred meters away, 2. I hit all targets in flight range in under ten seconds, and 3. I respect Link. 

Daruk: this isn’t even hard, three 

Urbosa: three 

Mipha: three, sadly 

Revali: you’re all correct, here’s your trophy, I’m going now 

(Revali left the chat) 

Daruk: welp, good game, guys! bye! 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Urbosa: seeya! 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Mipha: I have to go, Link. 

Link: 👋 

(Mipha left the chat) 

(Link ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: I think I’m getting the hang of piloting Rudania! What about you guys? 

Urbosa: it’s hard but I’m managing 

Revali: no clue about this flying rooster 

Link: 🫵🪽🐓

Revali: What are YOU trying to say, eh? 

Mipha: Um, Revali… he’s saying YOU’RE a flying rooster. 

Link: 👍 

Revali: WHAT!? YOU F***ING FAILURE OF A CHAMPION YOU– 

Daruk: BUT ANYWAY… Mipha, what about you? 

Mipha: I don’t need controls, Ruta responds to my voice! 

Link: 👏 

Daruk: IMPRESSIVE! 

Urbosa: You GO girl! 

Mipha: ^-^ 

Revali: HMPH 

(1 korok joined the chat) 

Korok: Yahaha! 

Link: 😨 

Mipha: Link, are you alright…? 

(2 koroks joined the chat) 

All 3 koroks: Yahaha! 

Urbosa: What in the hylia are those things!? 

(4 koroks joined the chat) 

All 7 koroks: Yahaha! 

Daruk: …what the… 

(8 koroks joined the chat) 

All 15 koroks: Yahaha! 

Revali: OH MY F***ING HYLIA WHAT ARE THESE THINGS 

(16 koroks joined the chat) 

All 31 koroks: Yahaha! 

(Daruk was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: Oh no… the chat is glitching… 

(32 koroks joined the chat) 

All 63 koroks: Yahaha! 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

(64 koroks joined the chat) 

All 127 koroks: Yahaha! 

(Link was disconnected from the chat) 

(128 koroks joined the chat) 

All 255 koroks: Yahaha! 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

(256 koroks joined the chat) 

All 511 koroks: Yahaha! 

(Mipha was disconnected from the chat) 

(489 koroks joined the chat) 

All 1000 koroks: YAHAHA! 

All 1000 koroks: YAHAHA! 

All 1000 koroks: YAHAHA! 

All 1000 koroks: YAHAHA! 

All 1000 koroks: YAHAHA! 

(Purah and Robbie joined the chat) 

Purah: oh my… 

Robbie: …what happened? 

All 1000 koroks: YAHAHA! YOU FOUND US! 

(Purah and Robbie were disconnected from the chat)

Chapter Text

(Purah and Robbie are back online) 

Purah: I’m sorry about the whole raid thing last time… 

Robbie: The thing is, Purah thought it would be a good idea to give all the hidden and travelling koroks sheikah slates… 

Purah: come on, I didn’t want to exclude anyone! 

Robbie: But anyway, they’ve been confiscated again, and it won’t be happening again. 

Purah: Buuuuut, just in case another raid is attempted, we’ve added a feature that should be helpful! 

Robbie: You can now ban and kick people from the chat! If you kick them, they can rejoin, but if you ban them, they can’t until they are unbanned! You champions cannot kick or ban each other, but you can all kick or ban anyone else! 

Purah: Give me a good CLICK SNAP! 

Mipha: I wonder exactly how this will affect our chats going forward… 

Revali: it sucks we can’t kick or ban each other 

Urbosa: yeah, or else I would definitely kick or ban you 

Revali: WHY YOU– 

Daruk: then we can kick or ban Ganon? 

Purah: Correct! However, I’d encourage you to only use it in case of an emergency! Everyone’s supposed to be able to interact on here, after all! 

Mipha: I see… interesting. 

Link: 🤔 

Daruk: Well, this’ll be great in order to keep the chat safe… 

Purah: It will! 

Robbie: But anyway, Robbie and Purah out! 

(Robbie and Purah left the chat) 

(Zelda joined the chat) 

Zelda: In any case, Christmas is coming up. What would you all like? I don’t know what to give you… 

Revali: You don’t know? Hah! I already know what I’m getting for everyone! 

Urbosa: as if you’d give us gifts… 

Revali: Urbosa, you’re getting a pair of flats because why the Hylia not, Daruk’s getting a book on how to overthrow hyrule’s royal family, Zelda’s going to get more failure, Link’s getting an arrow in the head because that’s exactly what he deserves, and finally, Mipha’s getting a sapphire to cope with hot temperatures! 

Link: 🧍🏹🐦 🎄🎁 

Mipha: he’s saying… “I’ll shoot you an arrow for your Christmas gift” 

Revali: I’d love to see you try! 

Link: 🙄 

Revali: hey, don’t you give me that!!!!! 

Zelda: But anyway, we’re hosting a huge christmas party at the castle! I hope you’ll all come! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat) 

Master Kohga: Will there be bananas? 

Zelda: uh… sure, we can bring bananas! 

Master Kohga: SOOGA, WE’RE GOING! 

Sooga: Understood. 

Master Kohga: Goodbye… until then. 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Daruk: Wait, speaking of Christmas… weren’t us champions going to do a secret santa? 

Mipha: Oh, right, I remember talking about this game… 

Daruk: One of us has to do random draws, and therefore not participate– 

Revali: I call random draws and not participating 

Urbosa: c’mon Ravioli, you should participate! 

Revali: already getting gifts for everyone, not interested, and DON’T CALL ME THAT 

(Revali has gone offline) 

Daruk: okay then 

Urbosa: boo 

Mipha: But how is he going to tell us all our results without anyone else knowing? 

Link: 📧? 

Mipha: ah, yes, probably 

Daruk: what’s the e-envelope 

Mipha: email 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: I sent everyone the results over email, my work is done, goodbye 

(Revali left the chat) 

Daruk: everyone’s secret santas will be revealed on Christmas! it’s time to prepare!

Chapter Text

(The 24 main characters joined the chat) 

Daruk: Merry Christmas everyone! 

Zelda: I hope you enjoy the party! 

Mipha: Merry Christmas! 

Sidon: Merry Christmas indeed! 

Urbosa: Merry Christmas everybody! 

Astor: what is a “christmas” 

Urbosa: nvm 

Yunobo: that is a huge tree… 

Impa: indeed, it’s… quite flashy 

Paya: I helped to decorate it 

Tulin: I wish I could’ve helped! 

Riju: yeah same! 

Hestu: me too 

Hestu: I prepared a special christmas dance just for this party! 

Zelda: oh, really? 

Revali: I’m out 

Hestu: yes, and my gift for everyone who watches is one free storage space! 

Revali: …hmm, maybe I’ll watch 

(Hestu has gone offline) 

(Hestu is back online) 

Hestu: There! Anyway, got to go now! 

Master Kohga: where are the bananas? 

Zelda: *sighs* over there… 

Master Kohga: Come, Sooga! 

Sooga: Always. 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Zelda: they took all the bananas again, and left with them… 

Urbosa: what did you expect? 

Hestu: well, at least they were here for my dance! 

Monk Maz Koshia: Link, I’ve something to give you. 

Link: 👀 

(Monk Maz Koshia has gone offline) 

Link: O.O 

(Monk Maz Koshia is back online) 

Link: 🏍️! 🏍️! 🏍️! 🏍️! 🏍️! 

Monk Maz Koshia: do you like it? 

Link: 👍👍👍♥️♥️♥️ 

Monk Maz Koshia: Good, now, I shall be taking my leave. 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Mipha: Wow, Link… you have your own divine beast now! 

Revali: pfft, it’s tiny compared to mine, just like he’s tiny compared to me 

Link: 🖕

Revali: CRY ABOUT IT 

Mipha: Revali, don’t be mean to Link 

Revali: …fine, anyway, it’s about time that I give out the gifts I mentioned 

Urbosa: omg you actually got me flats 

Revali: told you! 

Urbosa: OW OH MY HYLIA THEY HAVE SPIKES ON THEM 

Revali: HAHAHA REVENGE IS SWEET 

Daruk: a book that says “how to overthrow hyrule’s royal family” on the cover 

King Rhoam: I wouldn’t recommend that 

(Revali kicked King Rhoam from the chat) 

Zelda: REVALI! 

Impa: O.O 

Revali: go ahead and do it, Daruk 

(Zelda was disconnected from the chat) 

Revali: HA! MORE FAILURE, AS PROMISED! 

Urbosa: omg Revali’s going crazy 

Revali: SHUTUP ANYWAY Mipha here’s your sapphire 

Mipha: o– oh… thank you… 

Revali: As for Link… 

Link: !!!!! 

Mipha: REVALI! 

Revali: an arrow square in the head JUST AS YOU DESERVE! 

Link: 😡🏹🐦☠️ 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: Link… is he dead…? 

Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

(Revali reconnected to the chat) 

Revali: I’m perfectly alive– OW! 

Mipha: that’s enough, I’m healing you both, no more fighting! 

(Mipha has gone offline) 

(Mipha is back online) 

Mipha: THERE NOW BE CIVIL. 

Revali: yes ma’am 

Link: 😨 

(Terrako was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: oh shoot, we forgot to charge him before this party… I’ll take him to go get charged 

(Impa left the chat) 

Paya: wait for me! 

(Paya left the chat) 

Purah: But anyway, let’s talk presents! 

Robbie: I’ve sorted them already! 

Purah: Already? Awesome! Let’s open them! 

*a few moments later* 

Mipha: Luminous stone jewelry…? 

Sidon: I’ve got matching jewelry! Thank you, father! 

King Dorephan: of course, I must leave now, though 

Mipha: Goodbye, father! 

(King Dorephan left the chat) 

Link: ♥️🐟🎁 

Mipha: Oh right, the present from you, Link! Let’s see… I got… wait… is this… luminous stone? A carving made from luminous stone, of me? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Thank you, Link… as for you, I forged a special sword for you to use, with high durability so that you don’t break it as fast. 

Link: 👀🙏♥️🫂 

Mipha: awwwww… of course! 

Tulin: A new bow? Thanks Dad! 

Teba: no problem, we have to go home though 

Tulin: oh okay 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

Daruk: premium rock roast? thanks, Yunobo! I even got the exact same thing for you! 

Yunobo: w– whoa! 

Astor: for all of you, I have a prophecy… Calamity Ganon will soon– 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Yunobo: I have to go now… 

Daruk: see ya! 

(Yunobo left the chat) 

Urbosa: a new hairpin? well, thank you, Riju 

Riju: of course! and thanks for the new saddle! I got to go, though 

(Riju left the chat) 

Hestu: new maracas!? who gave me these!? 

Sidon: I did, after your complaints about the koroks stealing them! 

Hestu: awesome, thanks! I’m gonna go show them off! 

(Hestu left the chat) 

Sidon: It was wonderful to be here, but I must leave to attend to duties I have! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Purah: I think it’s time to unveil the champion’s secret santa game! 

Robbie: Yes, so, first, reveal who you were the secret santa of! And then you can open your presents! 

Purah: And have fun! 

Mipha: I was the secret santa of Link! 

Daruk: I was the secret santa of Urbosa! 

Link: 😶🧑‍🎄🪨 

Urbosa: I was the secret santa of Mipha! 

Purah: Great, now, open your presents! 

Robbie: And have fun! 

(Purah and Robbie left the chat) 

Daruk: More premium rock roast!? Little guy, thanks so much! You’re getting a premium goron hug! 

Link: 😱

(Link was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: DARUK 

(Link reconnected to the chat) 

Link: 😓 

Urbosa: gemstones? awesome! 

Daruk: yep, straight from Death Mountain! 

Link: 🍣? 

Mipha: You mentioned loving sushi, and so I made some for you… is it good? 

Link: 👍😋 

Mipha: I’m glad to hear it… Urbosa, wow… you got me jewelry too? 

Urbosa: a circlet made in the gerudo desert, crafted to give you complete shock resistance 

Mipha: I don’t ever need to worry about shock arrows now…? 

Urbosa: not that, or being shocked again, ever! 

Mipha: wow… thank you 

Urbosa: it’s the least you deserve for christmas 

Daruk: wait, are… the only ones on this chat the champions now? 

Urbosa: pretty sure 

Link: 6️⃣? 

Mipha: Link’s right… there are six people on this chat… 

Revali: but who’s the sixth? 

Ganon: I AM STILL HERE. 

Daruk: AAAAAHHHHH NOOOOO– 

(everyone was disconnected from the chat)

Chapter Text

(Urbosa started a chat) 

(Urbosa added Mipha, Daruk, and Link to the chat) 

Daruk: What’s up? 

Urbosa: guys help 

Mipha: What’s wrong? 

Urbosa: Revali… he’s acting weird… 

Daruk: How so? 

Urbosa: he’s being all… NICE 

Link: ??? 

(Revali joined the chat) 

Revali: Hello, dear friends! How can I help you today? 

Urbosa: dear Hylia who are you and where is Revali 

Revali: I AM Revali, and I’m here to take part in a fun activity with you all! 

Link: 😱 

Mipha: … 

Daruk: oh my flying hylia 

Revali: I’ve discovered a new dessert dish! A special kind of cake! It’s said to even cause personality changes! Would you like to make it with me? 

Mipha: … 

Link: … 

Daruk: … 

Urbosa: I’m scared but intrigued, let’s do it 

Revali: Alright! Urbosa, please preheat the oven to 150 degrees! 

Urbosa: uh… okay. wait, did you say PLEASE? 

Revali: yes, please! 

Urbosa: oh my actual hylia 

Revali: Mipha here’s an ingredients list, please prep them! 

Mipha: …you’re sure this isn’t the ingredients list for an elixir, Revali? 

Revali: I’m sure! Please do it! After she’s finished, Daruk, please mix them together using the mixing bowl! 

Daruk: sure, though it smells weird… 

Revali: alright, the oven’s hot, the ingredients prepped and mixed, and it’s time to put it all in the oven! Link, my boy, would you do the honors? 

Link: …? 

Revali: oh, come on, you know I wouldn’t leave out my favorite champion! 

Daruk: WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE 

Urbosa: DEAREST HYLIA 

Mipha: …well at least he’s being nice… but yes… 

Revali: Great, it’s in the oven! Now let me go sing a song while we wait! 

(Revali has gone offline) 

Daruk: phew, he’s gone… 

Urbosa: will he ever be the same again? 

Mipha: This recipe book talks about the cake and permanent personality changes… it explains everything we’ve observed in him… 

Urbosa: is there any way to reverse it!? 

Mipha: There is a drink we can make, with household ingredients, that will counteract the effects of the cake. We don’t have much time before he comes back, though. 

Urbosa: let’s make it quickly! 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: I am back, dear friends! It’s time to eat the cake! 

Mipha: Actually, Revali, we have the perfect drink to pair with the cake! 

Revali: Oh, really? Let me try it! 

Mipha: Alright, here’s a glass! 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

(Revali reconnected to the chat) 

Revali: *cough* *cough* Mipha, what’d you give me!? 

Mipha: How do you feel, Revali? 

Revali: Asinine, why are you all in my house!? 

Daruk: HE’S BACK 

Urbosa: HE’S SO BACK 

Mipha: you wanted to bake a cake with us all 

Revali: why in hylia’s name would I want that? 

Urbosa: read up, Ravioli 

Revali: … 

Revali: w– wait… 

Revali: WHO THE HELL DID THIS TO ME AND WHY– 

Daruk: okay, wait, calm down 

Revali: LAST I REMEMBER I WAS HERE EATING CAKE ALONE BY THE WAY I’M GONNA KILL WHOEVER GAVE ME THIS CAKE– 

(Tulin joined the chat) 

Tulin: hey guys! what’s up? 

Daruk: it’s not a good time to chat, little buddy 

Mipha: Tulin, what are you doing here…? 

Tulin: I just wanted to see how Master Revali’s doing after giving him that personality cake! Did it work? 

Mipha: … 

Revali: it was YOU!?!?!?!?!? 

Urbosa: why did you do that!? 

Tulin: my Dad’s always talking about how he never expected the Rito champion to be rude and wished he was nicer, and so I tried making and giving him this cake from a rare recipe I once learned about 

Daruk: holy crap 

Tulin: So, did it work? 

Mipha: It did, but… we reversed it, of course! You can’t go around changing people’s personalities! 

Tulin: I’m sorry guys… I wanted him to be nice, is all… 

Urbosa: we all do, honey, but Revali is Revali, and we prefer for him to be his own authentic self than for someone to change him artificially 

Tulin: oh that makes sense 

Revali: Lesson of the day, never accept food from Tulin. Or anyone. I’m going to be super paranoid after this. 

Daruk: and maybe be nicer to people? 

Revali: no 

Daruk: I should not have been so optimistic 

Revali: you should not have indeed… but anyway, I’m exhausted… I’m out 

(Revali left the chat) 

Tulin: my Dad’s calling me… I have to go too 

(Tulin left the chat) 

Daruk: it’s just about dinnertime, I’ll be going too, but no dessert… I’ve had enough of cake for a lifetime 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Urbosa: oh, yeah, I should go too, goodbye 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Mipha: goodbye, Link :) 

Link: 🙂👋 

(Mipha left the chat) 

(Link ended the chat)

Chapter Text

Daruk: @Mipha @Link @Revali @Urbosa what are my fellow champions up to? 

Urbosa: nothing, really 

Revali: hmph, well, unlike you, I’m practicing honing my archery skills 

Urbosa: oh please, it’s alright to rest every once in a while 

Mipha: Link and I are enjoying the coronation festival in Zora’s Domain! 

Revali: the what? 

Mipha: Coronation festival! It’s a festival held every year in Zora’s Domain to celebrate my father’s amazing leadership! 

Daruk: wow, that’s awesome! And the little guy is there too? 

Mipha: Yes! He always goes ^-^ 

Link: 👍 

(Zelda joined the chat) 

Zelda: Link, where are you? 

Link: ⬆️ 

Zelda: I see… well, anyway, we need you to come to Hyrule Castle now 

Link: !? 

Mipha: …what? 

Zelda: An urgent mission! You need to come with me and a few other soldiers on a monster research trip by Lake Hylia! 

Link: 🥺 

Zelda: what 

Mipha: He would like to know why, and if he truly needs to go. 

Zelda: Yes, he must accompany us. 

Link: 🥺🙅 

Zelda: …Link, are you refusing an order? 

Mipha: He’s saying “please no”, because… the coronation festival is important to both of us… and no one mentioned he’d have to do this today– 

Zelda: oh, stay out of this, royal duties take precedence! I’m sure Link can understand that! 

Link: 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙄😡🫅♀️!!!!! 

Mipha: he’s saying… “EXCUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS!!!!!” 

Zelda: What!? 

Link: 💢🙅😡 

Mipha: and something along the lines of… “ABSOLUTELY NOT”, yelled angrily 

Daruk: this poprock tastes delicious! 

Revali: poprock? 

Daruk: yeah, like for movies and stuff! 

Link: 🍿? 

Daruk: same concept, little guy! 

Zelda: Link, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to… 

Link: 🖕🫵🫅♀️ 

Mipha: he’s saying… um… “screw you princess” 

Zelda: LINK, THIS IS AN ORDER! 

(Link banned Zelda from the chat) 

Mipha: … 

Daruk: yikes… 

Link: 🙂 

Revali: dang, didn’t know he actually had that in him, I almost like him a bit now (ALMOST) 

Urbosa: ooh, you LIKE him? 😏 

Revali: … 

Revali: absolutely not, and f*** you Urbosa 

Urbosa: hehe 

Mipha: Link, you didn’t have to… 

Link: 🐟🥇♾️ 

Mipha: awwwww 

Revali: ugh, get a room, you two 

Urbosa: you’re jealous, aren’t you? 

Revali: am not! I could NEVER be jealous of Link! 

Urbosa: never said it was Link you were jealous of… 

Revali: I– you– 

Daruk: LMAO 

Revali: I’M NOT JEALOUS OF EITHER OF THEM 

Urbosa: yeah right 

Mipha: But anyway, if any of you would like to join us at Zora’s Domain, you’re welcome to! 

Daruk: I think Revali wants to 

Revali: oh shut UP you rocky freak 

Daruk: you have insulted all gorons, you flying chicken 

Revali: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!? 

Urbosa: I’ll head over to Zora’s Domain, sounds like fun 

Daruk: I think I will too! And Revali’s coming! 

Revali: I’m not 

Mipha: Revali, Hestu will be giving out free inventory slots again. 

Revali: …ugh, fine, wouldn’t hurt to stop by 

Mipha: Wonderful ^-^ 

*a while later* 

Revali: I got another slot for bows, I’m leaving now 

Urbosa: c’mon, stay a while, the domain is beautiful after all 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: The architecture truly is intricate and breathtaking… Goron City is basically a pile of rocks stacked on top of each other! 

Mipha: Yes, and it wouldn’t be possible without the Zora who ensure it’s kept in perfect shape all the time! 

Daruk: whoa… 

(Sidon joined the chat) 

Sidon: Sister, you brought the other champions? Wonderful! 

Mipha: I did invite them! 

Sidon: Father will want to meet with them, but first, everyone, have you seen the wonderful statue of Mipha in the main square? 

Mipha: Um… Sidon… 

Urbosa: We haven’t! Could we? 

Sidon: Of course, just follow me! 

*a few moments later* 

Daruk: It’s… amazing! 

Urbosa: truly breathtaking, though not nearly as beautiful as the true person 

Daruk: bet that’s what Revali’s thinking 

Revali: STFU 

Mipha: s– stop… it’s too much… 

Sidon: Sister, you are beautiful! Embrace it! 

Mipha: … 

Revali: I heard there’s chicken, where is it? 

Mipha: Oh, um… the dining hall, Revali… 

Revali: thank you 

(King Dorephan joined the chat) 

King Dorephan: Welcome, champions. 

Link: 👍 

Revali: The chicken is actually pretty good. 

Urbosa: cannibalism go brr 

Revali: one more word and I WILL behead you 

Urbosa: I’d love to see you try, Ravioli 

Revali: Let’s go, asinine deep fried camel 

King Dorephan: Not in my domain, please. Go somewhere else. 

(Revali and Urbosa left the chat) 

Mipha: Um… thanks for coming? 

Daruk: I’m gonna go ensure they don’t kill each other! Bye guys! 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Mipha: Link, Sidon, Father, it’s only us now… let’s get off the sheikah slates and enjoy the festival! 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Yes! 

King Dorephan: Of course! 

Mipha: Great ^-^ 

(Mipha ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(UWU created a chat) 

(UWU added the 24 main characters to the chat) 

UWU: Welcome, welcome! 

Impa: where are we? 

UWU: the confession booth! I have brought you all here today to play a little game! 

Revali: wtf is up with your name 

UWU: I am UWU 

Mipha: What is the game? 

UWU: it is called rapid confession! how it works is that all of the players are placed in the booth and the booth is sealed! the characters must confess their love to the character that they love, and only then will they be able to leave! they can spend as much time in there as they like trying to sort their feelings out, but the only path out is by being straightforward and honest about the way they feel! 

Revali: what if I don’t like anyone? 

UWU: then you say that you don’t like anyone! however, if that is not true, or if you lie about who it is that you like, you will immediately die of a heart attack! sound fun? 

Impa: NO! THAT DOESN’T SOUND FUN! 

UWU: excellent! the game starts now! 

Revali: what the hell do we do!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: I suppose we have to confess, but I don’t like anyone. 

UWU: correct answer! you get to leave! 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

King Dorephan: I love my wife 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(King Dorephan left the chat) 

Teba: I love my wife Saki 

UWU: correct answer! you get to leave! 

(Teba left the chat) 

Tulin: I don’t love anyone currently! 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Tulin left the chat) 

Terrako: 🙅🧍

UWU: you may leave! 

(Terrako left the chat) 

Zelda: I’m in love with Link… 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Zelda left the chat) 

Impa: I don’t currently love anyone, also, Paya, just say it 

Paya: I love Link… 

UWU: you are both correct! you get to leave! 

(Impa and Paya left the chat) 

Daruk: damn, Link be collecting ladies like pokemon 

Link: ??? 

Mipha: … 

Urbosa: he’s just teasing, we all know Link only has eyes for Mipha 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Good… 

Link: ♥️🐟♾️ 

Mipha: I love you too, Link :) 

UWU: you are both correct! you get to leave! 

(Link and Mipha left the chat) 

Robbie: I love SCIENCE! (not anyone) 

Purah: Me too! (also not anyone) 

UWU: you are both correct! you get to leave! 

(Robbie and Purah left the chat) 

Hestu: I love MUSIC! (not anyone) 

UWU: you are correct! you may leave! 

(Hestu left the chat) 

Sidon: I love my family! But not anyone romantically! 

UWU: you are correct! you may leave! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Yunobo: me too! 

UWU: you are correct! you may leave! 

(Yunobo left the chat) 

Master Kohga: I love MIGHT BANANAS! (but not anyone) 

UWU: correct! you get to leave! 

(Master Kohga left the chat) 

Sooga: My devotion is to Master Kohga, completely, with no time for any romance of any sort 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Sooga left the chat) 

Astor: I LOVE CALAMITY GANON! 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Astor left the chat) 

Ganon: I LOVE NO ONE. I HATE EVERYONE. 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Ganon left the chat) 

Riju: I don’t love anyone in a romantic way! 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

UWU: incorrect! 

King Rhoam: I love my late wife, Zelda’s mother 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(King Rhoam left the chat) 

Urbosa: I also love Zelda’s mother 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Daruk: damn, and we didn’t know her name, even… anyway, I don’t love anyone romantically 

UWU: correct! you may leave! 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Revali: … 

UWU: only one person remains! what is your answer? 

Revali: I… don’t… love… anyone 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

UWU: incorrect! 

UWU: that is everyone! what a fun game! I hope everyone enjoyed playing rapid confession as much as I did! see you next time! 

(UWU ended the chat)

Chapter Text

Daruk: @Mipha @Link @Revali @Urbosa after that terrifying game, are you all okay? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: currently healing Revali, who actually died briefly because of a heart attack 

Daruk: the heart attacks were real… 

Urbosa: honestly let him die, he chose his own pride over his life 

Mipha: What happened…? 

Urbosa: actually nvm just do what you’re doing 

Mipha: Okay… 

*a few moments later* 

Revali: I am BACK, thanks for healing me Mipha 

Mipha: No problem :) 

Revali: that UWU person and the rapid confession game was so outlandish it wasn’t even funny  

Urbosa: for once I agree with Revali 

Daruk: thankfully almost everyone managed to escape unscathed, barring Revali and Riju 

Revali: I feel like I just died 

Urbosa: you did 

Daruk: one premium goron hug coming up! 

Revali: GET AWAY FROM ME I DON’T WANT TO DIE 

Daruk: oh ok 

Urbosa: guys can we have a serious conversation for once 

Daruk: alright sure, what do you do when life gives you apples 

Link: 😋🍽️🍏🍎 

Mipha: Link says he’d eat the apples… I’d probably freeze them and eat them later. 

Revali: if life is here I am giving life a piece of my damn mind 

Daruk: I’d personally make apple pie 

Urbosa: me too I guess 

Link: 1️⃣0️⃣✖️🪑➕2️⃣0️⃣🧍🔜❔🫵🤔? 

Revali: MIPHA WHAT’S HE SAYING 

Mipha: Well, he wants to know what you would do if there were ten chairs and twenty people. 

Revali: the most important half can sit down 

Urbosa: have a contest or play a game 

Daruk: just have everyone stand! 

Mipha: I would just bring more chairs… or everyone could sit on the floor. 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: Anyway, could I end the chat now? 

Link: 👍 

(Daruk ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(CharactersChatBot started a chat) 

(CharactersChatBot added Link, Daruk, Mipha, Revali, and Urbosa to the chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Let’s do an elimination game! 

Daruk: what’s an elimination game? 

CharactersChatBot: Where you can vote each other off the chat using the process of elimination! Last person standing wins! I won’t play though, since I’m not a person. Instead I’ll be the person that counts the votes. Would you like to play? 

Urbosa: sure, sounds fun 

Daruk: hell yeah! 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, throw in your votes for the first round! 

Revali: Link 

Mipha: Revali 

Daruk: Revali 

Urbosa: Revali 

Link: 🐦 

CharactersChatBot: Revali has been eliminated! 

(Revali was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Urbosa, I don’t have anything against you, but I just don’t know you as well as Daruk and Link… 

Daruk: yeah same 

Urbosa: It’s alright! I’m going with you, though, Daruk 

Link: 🐒 

CharactersChatBot: Daruk and Urbosa are tied, so they are both eliminated! 

(Daruk and Urbosa were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: I can’t vote Link 

Link: 😔 

CharactersChatBot: Alright, if you’re sure, you both win! Link and Mipha are the winners of the elimination game! 

(Revali, Daruk, and Urbosa were unmuted) 

Daruk: whoa, great job guys! 

Revali: …why am I not even mildly surprised 

CharactersChatBot: But anyway, I’m going to end the chat now, since the elimination game is over. 

Mipha: Are we going to play more games like this in the future? 

Revali: hopefully not 

Urbosa: don’t be a sore loser, Ravioli 

Revali: DON’T CALL ME THAT 

Urbosa: make me 

Revali: I will bomb gerudo town 

Urbosa: I’ll electrocute ur a** 

(Revali and Urbosa were disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: Well… um… are we going to? 

CharactersChatBot: possibly 

(CharactersChatBot ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Purah started a chat) 

(Purah added Link, Robbie, Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, Yunobo, Sidon, Tulin, Teba, Hestu, Riju, Paya, Master Kohga, and Sooga to the chat) 

Purah: Robbie and I have a game for today! 

Robbie: Indeed, we’ll be playing an old game from Kakariko Village called monsters and villagers! 

Mipha: Monsters and villagers? 

Purah: It’s a game where most of everyone is villagers, but some people are monsters in disguise! Every night, the monsters agree on one person to kill! Then there’s a medic, who can pick a person to save! The next morning, everyone votes to try and figure out who the monsters are, and they can choose one person to banish, who reveals their role! 

Robbie: And it’s up to me and Purah to tell the stories of how people die, all in not-so graphic detail! 

Purah: Are you guys ready to play!? I’ve already done random draws to figure out who will be the medic and who will be the three monsters! I’m just waiting to press send on the emails which are going to notify you! 

Link: 👍 

Purah: Great! I sent the emails! If you get no email, it means you’re a villager! 

Robbie: Now then… it’s that time, for the first night to begin! 

Purah: We’ll use a new feature– private chats– to facilitate medic and monster decisions! 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Impa, Tulin, and Hestu to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, monsters! Who will you kill tonight? 

Hestu: Kill? I don’t want to kill anyone! 

Impa: It’s just a game… 

Tulin: can we kill Riju 

Impa: why specifically her? 

Tulin: I don’t like her 

Hestu: is this about her beating you in lightning shooters earl– 

Tulin: NO BUT LET’S KILL HER ALREADY 

Hestu: jeez fine 

Impa: …okay I guess… 

Purah: Riju? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Sidon to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, medic! Who will you save tonight? 

Sidon: My sister, of course! 

Purah: Mipha? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

Purah: Someone has died tonight in Kakariko Village, a child at that… 

Robbie: I was in bed last night when I heard weird noises coming from Urbosa’s home… 

Urbosa: My home? O.O 

Robbie: …I went to investigate, and Urbosa was perfectly fine, but outside in the forest… guts spilled everywhere, blood staining the ground, and torn up shreds of familiar red gerudo hair could be seen… Riju’s headpiece lay on the ground… she had been murdered. 

Riju: NOOOOOOOOOO– 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Daruk: Why do I feel like Urbosa is a monster now… 

Urbosa: I’m not, I swear…! 

Purah: Now discuss amongst yourselves who you’ll be banishing from the village under suspicion of being a monster! 

Urbosa: my money’s on Revali 

Revali: Oh PLEASE, why would I go after Riju? Link is who I’d target first! 

Daruk: you wouldn’t, because that would be too obvious 

Revali: You’re seriously all ganging up on ME!? I’m not any more likely than any of you to be a monster! 

Mipha: He’s right… any one of us could’ve been selected. 

Daruk: Mipha, are you a monster? 

Mipha: W– what!? No! 

Link: 🥦 

Mipha: You think Hestu’s a monster…? 

Urbosa: Why Hestu? 

Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Daruk: hmm 

Master Kohga: I find him suspicious too, only a monster could possibly hate bananas 

Sooga: impeccable reasoning, Master Kohga 

Hestu: I– I just shake my maracas! I’m completely innocent! 

Master Kohga: BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT A MONSTER WOULD TELL US 

Sooga: EXACTLY, YOU TELL HIM, MASTER KOHGA 

Purah: Your pick is Hestu, then? 

Master Kohga: YES 

Sooga: YES 

Link: 👍 

Purah: Hestu, you are banished! Now, reveal your role! What were you? 

Hestu: …I was a monster 

Master Kohga: HA! I KNEW IT! 

Sooga: YOU TRULY ARE ABOVE US ALL, MASTER KOHGA! 

Robbie: Onto the next night! 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Impa and Tulin to the chat) 

Purah: Hello, monsters! Who will you kill tonight? 

Tulin: Let’s go for Zelda! 

Impa: What!? Why!? 

Tulin: I’m in my rebellious phase! And at least this way they won’t ever suspect you! You’re her loyal advisor! 

Impa: …I guess 

Purah: Zelda? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Sidon to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, medic! Who will you save tonight? 

Sidon: My sister, again! 

Purah: Mipha? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

Purah: Someone has died tonight in Kakariko Village… and none other than the one remainder of the hylian royal family! 

Zelda: uh oh 

Robbie: It’s true, she was used as a feast for monsters. They skinned her, gutted her, bled her, cut her meat up paper thin, and cooked it all for their sick meal. 

Zelda: 😭 

(Zelda was disconnected from the chat) 

Urbosa: Okay now I feel like it’s Master Kohga and/or Sooga… 

Master Kohga: Wha– of course not! We helped to expose a monster just last round! 

Urbosa: oh, true, you have a good point 

Revali: who are they, then? 

Purah: Now discuss amongst yourselves who you’ll be banishing from the village under suspicion of being a monster! 

Daruk: who has something against both Riju and Zelda… 

Urbosa: Revali has something against everyone 

Revali: HEY! 

Urbosa: oh, yeah, he said Riju was annoying, and consistently insults Zelda behind her back 

Revali: I DO NOT AND AGAIN I WOULD’VE KILLED LINK FIRST THING 

Daruk: I don’t know buddy, I think maybe you really are a monster 

Revali: UGH, SCREW YOU! YOU’LL REGRET GETTING RID OF THIS RITO LEGEND! 

Purah: Your pick is Revali, then? 

Daruk: yes 

Urbosa: yep 

Mipha: maybe… 

Purah: Revali, you are banished! Now, reveal your role! What were you? 

Revali: I WAS A VILLAGER GODDAMNIT 

Daruk: oh damn 

Urbosa: was not expecting that 

Revali: F*** ALL OF YOU 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

Robbie: Onto the next night! 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Impa and Tulin to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, monsters! Who will you kill tonight? 

Tulin: let’s do Urbosa this time 

Impa: why…? 

Tulin: I have a thing against authority figures! I want to kill all the royals! 

Impa: …  

Tulin: again, no one will suspect it’s you! 

Impa: ugh, fine… 

Purah: Urbosa? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Sidon to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, medic! Who will you save tonight? 

Sidon: My sister! 

Purah: Mipha? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

Purah: Someone has died tonight in Kakariko Village… 

Robbie: I was in bed last night when I heard weird noises coming from Urbosa’s home… 

Urbosa: My home again… 

Robbie: …and this time it WAS Urbosa who’d been murdered. 

Urbosa: oop 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

Purah: Now discuss amongst yourselves who you’ll be banishing from the village under suspicion of being a monster! 

Daruk: who has something against both Zelda and the gerudo… it has to be the Yiga at this point, the only thing disproving that is the fact that they helped us expose a monster… 

Master Kohga: Me and Sooga are innocent! 

Sooga: Indeed! 

Daruk: …but what if you only did that to fly under all our radars…? 

Master Kohga: I SWEAR WE’RE INNOCENT! 

Daruk: well, who else could it be!? 

Sidon: It’s unclear, I believe! 

Daruk: is it you, Sidon? 

Sidon: No! 

Teba: Wait, wait, Master Kohga helped us, but Sooga didn’t. He reinforced what Master Kohga said, without actually saying anything autonomously. 

Daruk: you’re right… huh… 

Mipha: You think it’s Sooga? 

Teba: I get the feeling Master Kohga isn’t, but Sooga could be 

Daruk: let’s try voting him out 

Master Kohga: Sooga…? 

Purah: Your pick is Sooga, then? 

Daruk: yeah 

Master Kohga: SOOGA! 

Sooga: Master… I must go… 

Purah: Sooga, you are banished! Now, reveal your role! What were you? 

Sooga: A villager… 

Daruk: oh shoot 

Teba: hmm… 

(Sooga was disconnected from the chat) 

Master Kohga: SOOGA NOOOOO!!!!! 

Robbie: Onto the next night! 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Impa and Tulin to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, monsters! Who will you kill tonight? 

Tulin: my Dad! 

Impa: your Dad!? Why!? 

Tulin: I’m in a rebellious phase, again, I’m a rebellious teen! 

Impa: YOU’RE LITERALLY 10 WTF 

Tulin: I AM A REBELLIOUS TEEEEEN SCREW AUTHORITY FIGURES 

Purah: Teba? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Sidon to the private chat) 

Purah: Mipha again? 

Sidon: Yes! 

Purah: Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

Purah: Someone has died tonight in Kakariko Village… a father, at that. 

Robbie: I was in bed last night when I heard weird noises coming from Teba’s home… 

Teba: … 

Robbie: Feathers strewn everywhere, blood all over the walls, a struggle had clearly taken place, and one thing was obvious– Teba was dead. 

Teba: well shoot 

(Teba was disconnected from the chat) 

Purah: Now discuss amongst yourselves who you’ll be banishing from the village under suspicion of being a monster! 

Link: 🐤 

Mipha: You think it’s Tulin? 

Link: 💯 

Mipha: I see… 

Daruk: honestly I agree at this point 

Mipha: Me too… he said something the other day about authority figures and hating them, and now his Dad is gone and he was completely silent. He’s STILL silent. 

Sidon: I agree wholeheartedly, sister! 

Yunobo: Oh and he said he’d “pay Riju back” after she beat him at lightning shooters earlier! 

Sidon: That settles it, it must be Tulin! 

Purah: Your pick is Tulin, then? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Yes. 

Daruk: yeah 

Sidon: Indeed! 

Yunobo: y– yep! 

Purah: Tulin has been eliminated! Now, reveal your role! What were you? 

Tulin: you’ve caught me red-handed… I WAS A MONSTER! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

(Tulin was disconnected from the chat) 

Robbie: Onto the next night! One monster left, who could it be? 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Impa to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, monster! Who will you kill tonight? 

Impa: I’m still figuring it out… wish I knew who the medic was… 

Purah: Pick someone! 

Impa: …I’m going to go with Yunobo, since he isn’t participating that much 

Purah: Yunobo? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

(Purah started a private chat) 

Purah: Mipha again? 

Sidon: Yes! 

Purah: Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

Purah: Someone has died tonight in Kakariko Village… 

Robbie: I was in bed last night when I heard weird noises coming from Daruk’s home… 

Daruk: oh boy 

Robbie: …it turned out to be Daruk’s snoring. 

Daruk: phew 

Robbie: But then I noticed a trail of blood leading out the back door. In the forest, the corpse of Yunobo. He had been skinned, gutted, sliced, cooked, everything. He had been turned into the very rock roast he enjoys feasting on. 

Yunobo: 😱 

(Yunobo was disconnected from the chat) 

Purah: Now discuss amongst yourselves who you’ll be banishing from the village under suspicion of being a monster! 

Master Kohga: Paya’s been awfully silent 

Paya: M– me? 

Impa: yeah, that’s true… I actually forgot she was here until now… 

Paya: I’m just a villager…! 

Master Kohga: hmm… suspicious 

Daruk: I honestly agree 

Mipha: She’s probably the only one timid enough to just let Tulin eliminate who he wants until he was banished, also… 

Purah: Your pick is Paya, then? 

Master Kohga: yes 

Impa: yeah honestly 

Daruk: probably 

Purah: Paya has been eliminated! Now, reveal your role? What were you? 

Paya: I was just a villager… as I mentioned… 

Daruk: oh 

Mipha: Oh no, Paya… 

Paya: it’s ok I get it 

(Paya was disconnected from the chat) 

Robbie: Onto the next night! 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Impa to the private chat) 

Purah: Hello, monster! Who will you kill tonight? 

Impa: …I guess Master Kohga 

Purah: Master Kohga? Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

(Purah started a private chat) 

(Purah added Sidon to the private chat) 

Purah: Mipha again? 

Sidon: Of course! 

Purah: Got it! 

(Purah ended the private chat) 

Purah: Someone has died tonight in Kakariko Village… 

Robbie: Master Kohga had eaten many bananas that night, but they became his undoing when they turned out to be poisoned… 

Master Kohga: WHAT!? 

Robbie: Unfortunately, Master Kohga has died… 

Master Kohga: WHYYYYY– 

(Master Kohga was disconnected from the chat) 

Daruk: It really wasn’t the Yiga… 

Purah: Now discuss amongst yourselves who you’ll be banishing from the village under suspicion of being a monster! 

Link: 👁️ 

Mipha: An eye for Sheikah… you think it’s Impa? 

Link: 💯 

Daruk: actually that makes sense 

Sidon: I agree with my friends and sister! 

Purah: Your pick is Impa, then? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Link’s never wrong, so yes. 

Daruk: yeah I agree 

Sidon: Indeed! 

Purah: Impa has been eliminated! Now, reveal your role? What were you? 

Impa: I was indeed the last monster 

(Impa was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 😤 

Daruk: phew, we made it… with only four villagers left 

Sidon: I was the medic! 

Mipha: But someone died each night… who were you saving? 

Sidon: YOU, dear sister? 

Mipha: Aw… thank you, Sidon. 

Robbie: What an amazing game! And it’s about time to bring the others back! 

(everyone reconnected to the chat) 

Master Kohga: My sacrifice was not in vain! 

Sooga: It could never be, Master Kohga! 

Teba: Tulin… what in the hylia 

Tulin: hehe 

Riju: damn Tulin, I didn’t know you were actually that butthurt about my epic win in lightning shooters 

Tulin: IM GONNA F***ING KILL YOU 

(Tulin has gone offline) 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Teba: …who taught Tulin that word? WHO the F*** TAUGHT TULIN THAT WORD 

Revali: it sounds like you did 

Urbosa: oh please, you’re not one to talk 

Yunobo: this was a wild game… 

Paya: y– yes… even though I was just watching for most of it… 

Hestu: whoa, we almost won! …but not quite 

Zelda: sweet hylia what happened 

Impa: Purah, are we going to play this more often on the chat? 

Purah: Probably! Who knows!? 

Robbie: We’ll certainly be playing tons of fun games here! 

Purah: But anyway, time to end the chat! 

Robbie: Everyone, goodbye… for now! 

(Purah ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Purah started a chat) 

(Purah added Link, Robbie, Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, Yunobo, Sidon, Tulin, Teba, Hestu, Riju, Paya, Master Kohga, and Sooga to the chat) 

Purah: happy April fools everybody! 

Tulin: YESSSSS!!!!! 

Revali: I hate April fools… 

Tulin: I hid my Dad’s sheikah slate as a prank :D he won’t be on chat today 

Riju: lmao diabolical 

Urbosa: I hid all Riju’s plush sand seals 

Riju: wait WHAT!? URBOSAAAAA!!!!! 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: I didn’t prank anyone… 

Urbosa: of course you didn’t, precious cinnamon roll 

Sidon: I didn’t either! 

Paya: it’s April fools…? 

Impa: unfortunately 

(Paya left the chat) 

Hestu: the koroks took all my maracas and the korok seeds too!!!!! 

(Hestu left the chat) 

Revali: honestly deserved 

Purah: I rearranged everything in Zelda’s room 

Zelda: wh– hey! 

Master Kohga: I will kill whoever put all of these banana peels in my napping spot… 

Sooga: I will kill them as well 

Master Kohga: any idea who it might be? 

Sooga: pretty sure Toga, Naga, and some other Yigas did it 

Master Kohga: THEY’RE GETTING THROWN DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS 

Sooga: I shall assist you in that 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Yunobo: I– I gave the mighty Daruk fake rock roast… 

Daruk: DIE 

Yunobo: AAAAA– 

(Yunobo was disconnected from the chat) 

Robbie: I put salt and pepper in everyone’s water bottles! 

Purah: wait that was you O.O 

Robbie: Yes! 

(Robbie left the chat) 

Purah: I’ll get you for this 

(Purah left the chat) 

Mipha: I’m so glad pranks are outlawed in Lanayru… 

Zelda: they are? 

Mipha: My grandfather passed a law against them back when he was king… 

Impa: interesting 

(Teba is back online) 

Teba: hello everyone 

Tulin: wait Dad you FOUND IT!? 

Teba: of course I did… and you’re going to be punished for this, Tulin 

Tulin: NOOOOO– 

(Tulin was disconnected from the chat) 

(Teba left the chat) 

Link: 🪦 

Mipha: … 

Sidon: I hope everyone is alright after today! 

Revali: pfft, I’ve got better things to do than pranks 

Urbosa: Like what, getting people to feed your ego? 

Revali: oh, har har 

Zelda: wait– did someone– 

(Zelda was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 😏 

Mipha: Link, did you do something? 

Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Revali: WAIT WHAT JUST– 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 😏 

Mipha: Link… 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: I have pulled a prank on the calamity… 

Impa: what!? 

Mipha: O.O 

Daruk: I’ve got a bad feeling about this… 

(Ganon joined the chat) 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Ganon: YOU WILL ALL SUFFER. 

Impa: is it me, or is Hyrule Castle moving…? 

Sidon: I see it from a distance! 

Daruk: oh damn 

Urbosa: holy hylia 

Mipha: … 

Link: 😨 

(everyone was disconnected from the chat)

Chapter Text

(Master Kohga started a chat) 

(Master Kohga added Sooga, Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Master Kohga: Champions! Sooga, the other Yiga, and I need your help! 

Sooga: We do! Please, you must help us! 

Mipha: What do you need…? 

Urbosa: ? 

Link: ⁉️ 

Daruk: I’m eating, what’s happening? 

Revali: why should I help you anyway 

Master Kohga: IT’S HORRIBLE! Monsters have infiltrated and taken over the Yiga Clan Hideout! 

Daruk: damn 

Master Kohga: And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they took ALL OUR MIGHTY BANANAS! We’re homeless AND STARVING! 

Urbosa: why not eat something other than mighty bananas? 

Master Kohga: *gasps* we could NEVER! that would be of utmost disrespect to the Lord of Bananas! 

Revali: the what 

Sooga: Lord of Bananas. We Yiga worship him instead of Hylia. We thought Calamity Ganon was the Lord of Bananas, but it turns out he wasn’t. The true Lord of Bananas sometimes walks the earth alongside us, but can only be seen by members of the Yiga Clan, who adhere to our strict banana-only diet. 

Revali: weird, that’s weird 

Sooga: We Yiga will die off without help. 

Master Kohga: Come on! You owe us for helping you take Ganon down! 

Urbosa: okay, fine, we’ll help 

Revali: hey, speak for yourself! 

Urbosa: can it and help 

Daruk: let’s teleport there 

Mipha: Link and I are already teleporting! 

Link: 👍 

*a few moments later* 

Revali: ugh… I’ll bomb the monsters at the entrance of the hideout… but then I’m going back home 

Urbosa: fine, we’ll venture further in and do what we can 

(Revali has gone offline) 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: There! 

(Revali left the chat) 

Master Kohga: Let’s go! 

Daruk: everyone, split up and capture the outposts! 

Master Kohga: Sooga and I will go to my napping spot and destroy the monsters there! 

Mipha: Link and I will go to the western outpost! 

Daruk: I’ll head north! 

Urbosa: and I’ll go east! 

(everyone has gone offline) 

(everyone is back online) 

Mipha: the western outpost is captured! 

Urbosa: the eastern outpost is captured! 

Daruk: the northern outpost is captured! 

Urbosa: Master Kohga, Sooga, how’s it going in the plaza? 

Sooga: we found the person who’s still calling more monsters… it’s Astor. 

Master Kohga: He’s destroyed the Mighty Banana Altar! NOOOOO!!!!! 

Mipha: Oh no, we’re heading there! 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: I AM THE NEW LORD OF BANANAS! 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Urbosa: shutup Ass-tor 

Sooga: good name for him 

Master Kohga: We did it, Sooga! We took back the Yiga Clan Hideout! 

Sooga: We did! Thank you, Champions, for your help. 

Mipha: No problem ^-^ 

Urbosa: yeah, it was actually kinda fun to give Ass-tor and the monsters a whooping 

Master Kohga: Finally, I can rest in peace! 

Master Kohga: … 

Master Kohga: that sounds terrible out of context 

Urbosa: LMFAO 

Master Kohga: Anyway I’m going to end the chat now! 

Sooga: goodbye everyone 

(Master Kohga ended the chat)

Chapter Text

King Rhoam: Let the thanksgiving feast begin! 

Link: 😋🍽️ 

Daruk: this rock roast needs more salt, could someone pass the salt? 

Urbosa: sure! @Revali 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: I’m trying to eat, what’s happening? 

Urbosa: read up 

Revali: … 

Revali: f*** you 

(Revali has gone offline) 

Urbosa: LMFAO 

Link: 🧂 

Mipha: …  

Zelda: Are you all enjoying your food? @Revali @Daruk @Mipha @Urbosa @Link 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: the chicken is decent 

Daruk: Yeah, this rock roast is great! It was a bit undersalted, but I found the salt shaker! It’s great now! 

Mipha: The fish is good :) 

Urbosa: cannibalism, all of you 

Revali: WHAT >:( 

Mipha: Zora are not fish, Goron are not rocks, and Rito are not chicken 

Revali: EXACTLY 

Urbosa: I know, it was a joke 

Link: 🧍🥩😋⛔ 

Mipha: o– oh… oh dear… 

Zelda: Mipha, what’s he saying? 

Mipha: I don’t know if I should repeat it… 

Zelda: please, tell me, it’s important 

Mipha: I think he’s saying… he wants to try hylian meat… but isn’t allowed to… 

Zelda: …… 

Zelda: Link, never say that again. 

Zelda: But anyway, what about everyone else? Enjoying the food? 

Master Kohga: These mighty bananas are great, of course. 

Sooga: Indeed. 

Zelda: Father says it’s time to reflect on what we’re thankful for! I’m thankful for all of you, and your assistance in defeating the calamity! 

King Rhoam: I am as well. 

Impa: agreed 

Terrako: 👍 

Sidon: I am thankful for my family, friends, and home! 

Purah: I’m thankful for my big awesome brain! 

Robbie: I am thankful for mine as well! 

Hestu: I’m thankful for music! 

Link: 🙏♥️🐟 

Mipha: Aww… I’m thankful for you too, Link! 

Daruk: I’m thankful for rock roast and all of us! 

Yunobo: me too! 

Teba: I’m thankful for health 

Urbosa: agreed 

Revali: I’m thankful for… I guess my resourcefulness? 

Tulin: I’m thankful for games and sweets! 

Riju: yeah same! 

Master Kohga: I’m thankful for Sooga, the other Yiga, and most importantly, for mighty bananas! 

Sooga: I’m thankful for Master Kohga’s kindness toward me, and mighty bananas. 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: Calamity Ganon, I am thankful for– 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

(Ganon joined the chat) 

Ganon: I AM THANKFUL FOR NO ONE AND NOTHING. 

Revali: are you ever going to speak a sentence without all caps…? 

Ganon: SILENCE, MORTAL. 

Revali: you’re mortal too, we literally killed you 💀 

Ganon: I WILL KILL YOU ALL. 

Link: 🖕 

(Ganon was disconnected from the chat) 

Revali: first time I agree with Link on something 

Link: 🤝 

Mipha: I’m glad you two are getting along! 

Zelda: anyway, Halloween is coming up! Hyrule Castle is hosting a Halloween party! And the royal hidden passage is being turned into a haunted tunnel! 

Daruk: ooh, sign me up! 

Mipha: We have our own festival happening at Zora’s Domain. I don’t think we’ll be able to attend. I hope you all enjoy yourselves, though!

Chapter Text

(The 24 main characters joined the chat) 

Daruk: Happy halloween! What is everyone dressed up as? I’m a rock, personally! 

Revali: Aren’t you already a rock? 

Daruk: YOU HAVE INSULTED ALL GORONS 

Urbosa: I’m dressed up as Vah Naboris 

Impa: I didn’t dress up 

Zelda: I’m dressed up as my father!! 

Terrako: 🥚

King Rhoam: I’m not dressed up 

Hestu: I’m not dressed up as anything, but the koroks here in korok forest have the BEST costumes! 

Mipha: Link and I dressed up as each other ^-^ 

Riju: I’m dressed up as a sand seal! Patricia specifically! 

Sidon: I dressed up as a cat! 

King Dorephan: I’m not wearing a costume 

Tulin: I’m dressed up as Master Revali! I’ve even got the condescending scoff down! Watch! HMPH! 

Teba: Tulin… 

Revali: HEY 

Daruk: what are you dressed up as, Revali? 

Revali: nothing, obviously, I’m at home in Rito Village with my doors locked to trick or treaters! HMPH! 

Teba: … 

Daruk: Y– Yunobo? 

Yunobo: Huh? What is it? 

Daruk: what… are you… dressed up as? 

Yunobo: a dog, why? 

Daruk: … 

Yunobo: they’re my favorite animal… 

Daruk: …… 

Yunobo: oh no, is the costume that bad…? 

Daruk: no, it’s… actually really realistic… 

Yunobo: yay!!!! :D 

Daruk: ha… yeah… 

Zelda: I count eight people aside from my father and I at Hyrule Castle’s party… Daruk, Urbosa, Impa, Terrako, Tulin, Riju, and Yunobo. What is everyone else up to? 

Mipha: Link, Sidon, my father, and I are all in Zora’s Domain! 

Paya: I’m at home in Kakariko Village 

Master Kohga: Sooga and I are in the Yiga Clan Hideout, hosting our own Halloween celebrations! 

Sooga: Indeed, we are! 

Hestu: Korok forests! The koroks want to know if you could send us some hylian treats! 

Zelda: oh, sure 

Revali: Rito Village, as I mentioned 

Teba: I’m also in Rito Village, I came back here after dropping Tulin off at the Hyrule Castle party. 

Monk Maz Koshia: I’m somewhere. 

Revali: how specific /s 

Paya: I’m going offline now to do chores… 

(Paya has gone offline) 

Teba: I have work as well 

(Teba has gone offline) 

Zelda: Where are Purah and Robbie? 

Impa: they told me that they had something to take care of in Kakariko Village tonight 

Zelda: I see, I hope all is well with them 

Monk Maz Koshia: What is “Halloween”? 

Tulin: u don’t know what halloween is????? 

Monk Maz Koshia: No, or I wouldn’t be asking. What is it? 

Revali: a day where people go to random strangers’ houses while dressed up in clothes and bang on their doors demanding candy 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Daruk: when you put it like that… 

Revali: I’m just telling the truth 

(Revali has gone offline) 

Tulin: Zelda, could I try the haunted tunnel!? 

Zelda: oh, sure… no one’s gone there yet 

Tulin: YAY, I’m the first one! 

(Tulin has gone offline) 

(Tulin is back online) 

Tulin: … 

Zelda: what’s wrong? 

Tulin: if I’m the first one… why is there someone already down there? 

Zelda: oh, there are plenty of soldiers dressed up for facilitating spooky ambience 

Tulin: oh yeah btw the soldier corpses are all super realistic 

Zelda: the what 

Tulin: I meant the freaky prophecy guy in the robes who’s stealing their souls or smth 

Zelda: WHAT 

(Astor is back online) 

Astor: I shall devour the souls of all those who pass through this tunnel… 

Tulin: AAAAHHHH RUN AWAY 

(Tulin has gone offline) 

(Tulin is back online) 

Tulin: I managed to escape, phew 

Zelda: …… 

Zelda: we have a problem, Father 

King Rhoam: what’s happening 

Zelda: Astor has taken residence in the haunted tunnel and killed all the soldiers down there 

(King Rhoam left the chat) 

Zelda: FATHER 

Urbosa: I’ll lightning strike him into oblivion, just gimme a moment 

(Urbosa has gone offline) 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

(Urbosa is back online) 

Urbosa: there, should be safe for people now 

Tulin: YAY 

(Tulin has gone offline) 

(Tulin is back online) 

Tulin: Dad come pick me up im scared 

Daruk: it’s not called the haunted tunnel for nothing! 

(Terrako was disconnected from the chat) 

Zelda: maybe he just needs charging again… 

(Zelda was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: PRINCESS!? 

(Impa was disconnected from the chat) 

Yunobo: w– wha– what’s happening!? 

(Yunobo was disconnected from the chat) 

Riju: a– 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Tulin: @Teba DAD COME PICK ME UP IM SCA– 

(Tulin was disconnected from the chat) 

(Teba is back online) 

Teba: Tulin…? 

Urbosa: it seems everyone that’s at Hyrule Castle is– 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

Daruk: what the ACTUAL F– 

(Daruk was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: O.O 

Mipha: What’s happening at Hyrule Castle!? 

Master Kohga: Perhaps the Lord of Bananas punished them for eating other foods… 

Sooga: That’s the most realistic explanation… 

Hestu: ARE THEY ALL DEAD!? 

Teba: I’m flying there now to investigate… 

(Teba was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 😨 

(Revali is back online) 

Revali: Alright, I’m going to find out myself– 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: Oh no… 

King Dorephan: Alright, no one else go until we’ve figured out what’s going on! Who is left here? 

Mipha: Me, you, Link, Sidon, Master Kohga, Sooga, Hestu, and Paya, I believe. 

Ganon: I’M HERE AS WELL. 

Mipha: Okay, you too, Ganon. Only nine people, however. 

Sooga: I didn’t realize how many people we’d lost until now… 

Master Kohga: It has to be Lord of Bananas! Only people who eat foods other than bananas have disconnected so far! Sooga, we’re going to meet him! 

Sooga: Understood! 

Mipha: Wait, don’t– 

(Master Kohga and Sooga were disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: … 

(Master Kohga and Sooga reconnected to the chat) 

Master Kohga: phoo, that was horrible… no banana lord… 

Mipha: You went there and came back…? 

Sooga: we did… 

Sidon: What’s happening!? Tell us! 

Master Kohga: The power just went out in Hyrule Castle. No lights or wifi available there. 

(Impa reconnected to the chat) 

Impa: He’s right. I just turned my sheikah slate data on, that’s the only way I can access the chat. All the power is out, the wifi too. But other than that, nothing’s wrong. 

King Dorephan: I… see. Well, I must go. 

Mipha: Goodbye, father! 

(King Dorephan left the chat) 

(Teba and Revali reconnected to the chat) 

Revali: Teba and I are back in Rito Village, and yes, that’s what happened. How anticlimactic. Ugh, I’m sick of all this. 

(Revali left the chat) 

Tulin: I’m here too! Dad picked me up :D 

Teba: I’m exhausted… 

(Teba left the chat) 

Tulin: imma go play games lol 

(Tulin left the chat) 

Mipha: What caused the power to go out…? 

Impa: We’re not sure, and I doubt we’ll be able to figure it out without the help of Purah and Robbie… @Paya are you still there? 

(Paya is back online) 

Paya: What do you need? 

Impa: Could you find Purah and Robbie and tell them to head to Hyrule Castle, please? 

Paya: Why me? 

Impa: You’re in Kakariko Village, aren’t you? 

Paya: I am…? And? 

Impa: They are too, aren’t they? 

Paya: No…? 

Impa: wait… what? 

Paya: in fact, pretty sure they’re at Hyrule Castle too now… 

Impa: … 

Paya: oh shoot, I have to go 

(Paya left the chat) 

Impa: WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON 

Hestu: I hope you all figure it out, but I got to go too now! Byeeeeee! 

(Hestu left the chat) 

(Daruk, Urbosa, Terrako, Zelda, Yunobo, and Riju reconnected to the chat) 

Daruk: the power’s back on! 

Zelda: the wifi too, thank sweet hylia 

Terrako: 😃 

Riju: yay!!!! 

Impa: okay, but… why did it go out in the first place!? And @Purah @Robbie if you’re at Hyrule castle HELP US! 

Urbosa: they haven’t said anything this whole time 

Purah: DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!! 

Robbie: YES PLEASE!!!!! 

Impa: You’re here!? GUYS! 

Purah: what we’re about to say may come as a grand surprise… 

Robbie: …but we have done nothing that could lead to your demise! 

Impa: we’re rhyming things now!? 

Purah: SHHH! Anyway… 

Robbie: HAPPY HALLOWEEN FOOLS! YOU FOUND YOURSELVES CAUGHT IN OUR TRAP! 

Purah: NOW GIMME A GOOD CLICK SNAP! 

(Purah and Robbie left the chat) 

Impa: WHOA WHOA WHOA 

(Impa added Purah and Robbie to the chat) 

Impa: EXPLAIN YOURSELVES NOW 

Robbie: What’s there to explain? It’s Halloween! 

Purah: This was our show, fit for a queen! 

Impa: AND STOP RHYMING STUFF IT’S SO ANNOYING OH HYLIA JUST TELL US WHAT YOU DID, HOW, AND WHY 

Purah: fiiiiine, sister 

Robbie: Very simply, we hit the breaker and turned off the wifi! 

Purah: Yeah, we’ve actually been watching the chat using data the whole time, just to watch all of your individual reactions! It was priceless! 

Impa: … 

Zelda: I’m glad nothing was truly wrong… but… why? 

Robbie: Why not? It’s Halloween! 

Zelda: you scared us half to death… 

Purah: YEAH THAT’S THE POINT OF HALLOWEEN 

Zelda: *sighs* 

(Zelda left the chat) 

(Terrako was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: …he needs charging for real now… I do too, I’m thoroughly exhausted after all this… 

(Impa left the chat) 

Yunobo: m– me too… 

(Yunobo left the chat) 

Daruk: am I the only one who thought this prank was actually lowkey fire 

Purah: awwww, thanks! 

Link: 🔥 

Robbie: indeed! 

Mipha: Link thinks it sounds like it would’ve been, had we been there… I personally wouldn’t have wanted to be… 

Link: 😴 

Mipha: Ah, yes, we should go to bed. Goodbye to everyone here! 

Sidon: Goodbye, friends! 

Purah: bye 

Robbie: bye! 

(Link, Mipha, and Sidon left the chat) 

Riju: imma go beat Tulin in lightning shooters again 

(Riju left the chat) 

(Daruk and Urbosa were disconnected from the chat) 

(Daruk and Urbosa reconnected to the chat) 

Daruk: what happened!? 

Urbosa: the power’s going out again… and the floor is shifting beneath us! 

Master Kohga: *GAAASP* it must be the Lord of Bananas this time! 

Sooga: One can pray… 

Daruk: @Purah @Robbie is this you? 

Purah: uh, no… we’re feeling it too… 

Robbie: indeed… 

Ganon: IT IS I. 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

(Daruk and Urbosa were disconnected from the chat) 

(Purah and Robbie were disconnected from the chat) 

Ganon: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

(CharactersChatBot started a chat) 

(CharactersChatBot added the 24 main characters to the chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Let’s do an elimination game! 

Mipha: Oh, another one? 

Tulin: a game!? how do you play!? 

CharactersChatBot: Where you can vote each other off the chat using the process of elimination! Last person standing wins! I won’t play though, since I’m not a person. Instead I’ll be the person that counts the votes. We’ve done it before but only with the champions. This time, let’s do it with all of you! Would you like to play? 

Tulin: WOOO YEAH 

Riju: ME TOO 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: sure! 

Mipha: Yes! 

Urbosa: why not? 

Revali: ugh, do I have to? 

CharactersChatBot: I hugely encourage it! 

Master Kohga: Are there prizes for whoever wins? 

CharactersChatBot: There aren’t, aside from bragging rights! 

Master Kohga: meh… I’ll still play 

Sooga: I will as well  

Zelda: uh… sure 

Impa: I guess 

Robbie: Let’s do it! 

Purah: IF YOU CAN GIMME A GOOD CLICK SNAP, @CharactersChatBot! 

CharactersChatBot: CLICK SNAP! 

Purah: AW YEAH, I PROGRAMMED YOU RIGHT! I’LL PLAY! 

King Rhoam: you don’t need to type in all capitals… I’ll play too though 

Sidon: I shall play as well! 

CharactersChatBot: Let’s do it! Throw in your votes for the first round! 

Link: 😈 

Mipha: I vote Ganon as well 

Daruk: Ganon x3 

Urbosa: Ganon x4 

Impa: Ganon x5 

Zelda: Ganon x6 

Terrako: 😈 x7 

Sidon: Ganon x8 

King Rhoam: Ganon x9 

Teba: Ganon x10 

Riju: Ganon x11 

Tulin: Ganon x12 

Hestu: Ganon x13! He’s getting more votes than I’m missing korok seeds… 

Revali: LINK 

Purah: Aw, Revali, you broke the chain! I vote Ganon x14 

Robbie: Ganon x15 

Yunobo: Ganon x16 

King Dorephan: Ganon x17 

Paya: Ganon x18 

Master Kohga: Ass-tor 

Sooga: Astor x2 

Monk Maz Koshia: Ganon 

Astor: LINK 

Ganon: LINK 

CharactersChatBot: Ganon has been eliminated, and in an almost unanimous sweep! 

(Ganon was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

Link: 😤 

Astor: curse you 

Link: 🖕 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Revali: LINK 

Astor: LINK 

Master Kohga: ASS-TOR 

Sooga: Astor x2 

Link: 🤡🔮 x3 

Urbosa: ass-tor x4 

Mipha: Astor x5 

Zelda: Astor x6 

Daruk: Astor x7 

Impa: Astor x8 

Terrako: 🤡🔮 x9 

Sidon: Astor x10 

Riju: astor x11 

Teba: Astor x12 

King Rhoam: Astor x13 

Tulin: Astor x14 

Robbie: Astor x15 

Purah: Astor x16 

Hestu: Astor x17 

King Dorephan: Astor x18 

Paya: Astor x19 

Yunobo: astor x20 

Monk Maz Koshia: Astor x21 

CharactersChatBot: Astor has been eliminated, and in another almost unanimous sweep! 

(Astor was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: I wonder what you’ll do now that you have no villains to crap on, though! 

Urbosa: we’ll crap on Revali instead 

Revali: I WILL LITERALLY CRAP ON YOU 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Link: 🥦 

Mipha: I guess Hestu as well for what he made Link do… 

Revali: voting Link clearly won’t work, so I’m going with Hestu for his annoying korok seeds scheme 

Urbosa: I see there are brains in that chicken head of yours 

Revali: I’ll blow your house up 

Urbosa: honestly I’ll vote Hestu too, Revali’s next though 

Revali: I’ll blow your house up TWICE 

Urbosa: bro chill it’s a game 

Daruk: I guess Hestu 

Impa: I’m going with Purah for the awful halloween prank 

Zelda: I… uh… yeah same 

Purah: Grow a thicker skin! It’s not like you were in any actual danger! 

Zelda: my father almost had a heart attack 

Purah: …I’m voting for Zelda because why not be a contrarian this time 

Robbie: I’ll vote for Zelda as well 

Zelda: wh– hey! 

King Rhoam: yes, I almost had a heart attack… my vote lies with Purah 

Terrako: 🥦 

Yunobo: Hestu 

Sidon: Purah, because she horrified everyone that time! 

Hestu: that WAS scary, so I vote Purah! 

Teba: Hestu, because of what the koroks put everyone– especially Link– through 

Hestu: It’s not my fault they stole all the seeds! I’m the one giving you inventory slots! 

Teba: you charge way too much… you actually expect people to get them all? 

Hestu: NO WHICH IS WHY IT BARELY TAKES HALF TO MAX OUT YOUR INVENTORY 

Teba: you have a point… I suppose I’ll vote Purah then, because of the halloween thing 

Purah: WHY IS EVERYONE BLAMING ME YOU KNOW ROBBIE WAS A PART OF IT TOO 

Robbie: it was your big idea though 

Impa: don’t worry, we’ll get Robbie next 

Tulin: King Rhoam cuz authority figure 

King Dorephan: Purah because of halloween 

Riju: hestu 

Master Kohga: Purah for tricking us into thinking the Lord of Bananas had arrived to earth once again! 

Sooga: Indeed, Purah. 

Monk Maz Koshia: Hestu 

CharactersChatBot: Purah and Hestu have tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Purah and Hestu were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Of course, you crapped on the one korok on the chat and the mastermind behind the recent halloween prank… but who will be eliminated next? 

Impa: Robbie, probably 

Urbosa: or Revali 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Link: 🙄🐦 

Mipha: I’ll vote… for Zelda. 

Impa: Robbie, for the halloween thing 

Urbosa: Revali 

Daruk: Revali 

Zelda: Robbie, because of the halloween prank 

Robbie: Zelda again! 

Sidon: Robbie, for what happened on halloween! 

Revali: URBOSA 

Tulin: King Rhoam again 

Riju: sure King Rhoam 

Master Kohga: Robbie for the cruel trick! 

Sooga: Yes, Robbie. 

King Rhoam: Robbie, for almost giving me a heart attack 

Terrako: 🥽🧍👁️ 

Teba: Robbie 

Yunobo: Robbie 

King Dorephan: Robbie 

Paya: Robbie 

Monk Maz Koshia: Zelda 

CharactersChatBot: Robbie has been eliminated!  

Robbie: damn, didn’t know that prank was going to get me and Purah hated by everyone 

(Robbie was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: I’ll vote for Zelda again. 

Link: 👍 

Impa: Terrako 

Urbosa: Revali 

Daruk: Revali 

Zelda: Paya, simply because I don’t know her as well… 

Sidon: Revali, for the way he treats my beloved friend Link! 

Revali: URBOSA AGAIN 

Tulin: Zelda cuz authority figure 

Riju: sure Zelda 

Master Kohga: Zelda because I have NEVER SEEN HER EAT A BANANA! 

Sooga: Yes, Zelda. 

King Rhoam: Terrako 

Terrako: 🫅♂️ 

Teba: I’ll pass this round, I don’t know who to vote 

Yunobo: me too! 

King Dorephan: Zelda, for… what happened to… 

Paya: Zelda… 

Monk Maz Koshia: Zelda 

CharactersChatBot: Zelda has been eliminated!  

Zelda: why is everyone voting m– 

(Zelda was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: I didn’t see that coming, but it makes sense in retrospect! Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Link: 🙄🐦 

Mipha: Alright, Revali, for how he treats Link. 

Impa: Terrako 

Urbosa: Revali 

Daruk: Revali 

Sidon: Revali 

Revali: LINK 

Tulin: King Rhoam again cuz authority figure 

Riju: sure King Rhoam 

Master Kohga: King Rhoam, he doesn’t eat bananas! 

Sooga: Yes, King Rhoam. 

King Rhoam: Terrako 

Terrako: 🫅♂️ 

Teba: I’ll pass this round, I don’t know who to vote, again 

Yunobo: me too, again! 

King Dorephan: I’ll pass 

Paya: I’ll pass… I don’t know 

Monk Maz Koshia: I shall pass as well. 

CharactersChatBot: Revali and King Rhoam have tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Revali and King Rhoam were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Mipha: I’ll pass this round… 

Impa: Terrako 

Urbosa: pass 

Daruk: Riju, tried to show me a dog once 

Riju: I didn’t know you were afraid! 

Daruk: it still scared the living daylight out of me 

Sidon: I’ll pass! 

Tulin: Riju now 

Riju: Tulin! 

Master Kohga: Riju, for attempting to invade our hideout 

Sooga: Yes, Riju. 

Terrako: 👍 

Teba: Riju, I believe she’s a questionable influence on Tulin… 

Yunobo: uh… Urbosa? she scares me 

King Dorephan: I’ll pass 

Paya: I’ll pass… I don’t know, still 

Monk Maz Koshia: I shall pass as well. 

CharactersChatBot: Riju has been eliminated! 

(Riju was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Link: 🐤 

Mipha: uh, sure, Tulin 

Impa: Terrako 

Urbosa: pass 

Daruk: Tulin, he also tried to show me a dog once 

Sidon: I’ll pass! 

Master Kohga: Urbosa, also for attempting to invade our hideout 

Sooga: Yes, Urbosa. 

Terrako: 👍 

Teba: I’ll pass 

Tulin: Urbosa, to try and save my a** 

Teba: …where did you EVEN LEARN that word 

Tulin: internet :D 

Yunobo: Urbosa again, she scares me 

King Dorephan: The child, Tulin. 

Paya: I’ll pass… I don’t know, still 

Monk Maz Koshia: Tulin, the child Rito. 

CharactersChatBot: Tulin and Urbosa have tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Tulin and Urbosa were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Paya, simply because she’s not participating 

Link: 👍 

Impa: Terrako 

Terrako: 👁️⚔️ 

Daruk: Paya I guess because she’s not participating 

Sidon: I’ll pass! 

Master Kohga: Paya 

Sooga: Paya 

Teba: I guess Paya…? 

Yunobo: uh… sure 

King Dorephan: I’ll pass 

Monk Maz Koshia: I’ll pass this time as well 

Paya: oh… okay, bye 

CharactersChatBot: Paya has been eliminated! 

(Paya was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Yunobo, because I don’t know you as well as the others 

Link: 👍 

Impa: Terrako 

Terrako: 👁️⚔️ 

Daruk: King Dorephan, he’s participated least out of the people left here I think 

Sidon: Monk Maz Koshia, because I don’t actually know you! 

Master Kohga: Yunobo, save the monk 

Sooga: Yunobo 

Teba: I’ll pass 

Yunobo: uh… the monk 

King Dorephan: Yunobo 

Monk Maz Koshia: Yunobo 

CharactersChatBot: Yunobo has been eliminated! 

(Yunobo was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Sooga, because I don’t know you as well as the others 

Link: 👍 

Impa: Terrako 

Terrako: 👁️⚔️ 

Daruk: King Dorephan again 

Sidon: Monk Maz Koshia, because I don’t actually know you! 

Master Kohga: King Dorephan, to save the monk 

Sooga: King Dorephan 

Teba: Terrako 

King Dorephan: pass again 

Monk Maz Koshia: Terrako, to force a tie 

CharactersChatBot: King Dorephan and Terrako have tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(King Dorephan and Terrako were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Sooga again 

Link: 👍 

Impa: Sooga, I just don’t know you 

Daruk: Maz Koshia, who’s that 

Sidon: Monk Maz Koshia, because I don’t actually know you! 

Master Kohga: Maz Koshia, to save Sooga 

Sooga: Much appreciated, and yes, I vote him as well. 

Teba: I’ll pass this time 

Monk Maz Koshia: Sooga, to force a tie 

CharactersChatBot: Monk Maz Koshia and Sooga have tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Monk Maz Koshia and Sooga were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Teba, he isn’t participating much 

Link: 👍 

Impa: okay sure Teba 

Daruk: yeah, nothing against the guy, but he isn’t participating the way we are 

Sidon: I’ll pass! 

Master Kohga: I don’t know, pass I guess? 

Teba: nothing I could say would change this 

CharactersChatBot: Teba has been eliminated! 

(Teba was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Impa, because I don’t know you nearly as well as the others 

Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Impa: Master Kohga 

Daruk: I think Master Kohga 

Sidon: Impa 

Master Kohga: IMPA 

CharactersChatBot: Impa has been eliminated! 

(Impa was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

Master Kohga: phew 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: Master Kohga, I don’t know you nearly as well as the others 

Link: 👍 

Impa: Master Kohga again 

Daruk: Master Kohga again 

Sidon: Master Kohga 

Master Kohga: oh goddarnit, I vote Link 

CharactersChatBot: Master Kohga has been eliminated! 

(Master Kohga was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: I could never vote Link or Sidon… I have to go with Daruk… 

Daruk: totally understand, go ahead and vote me out, people! 

Link: 🪨 

Sidon: Daruk! 

CharactersChatBot: Daruk has been eliminated! 

(Daruk was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Next round! Throw in your votes! 

Mipha: You’re making me choose to eliminate either my dearest brother or the love of my life… I can’t. 

Link: …😁🐟 

Sidon: Alright, if I HAVE to choose, I’ll go with eliminating Link to save Mipha! 

CharactersChatBot: Link and Sidon have tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Link and Sidon were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Mipha is the winner of the elimination game! 

Mipha: W– wow… 

(everyone was unmuted) 

Revali: at least Link didn’t win… 

Urbosa: yeah, he got second place, as opposed to your… what, 30th place? 

Revali: ONLY 24 PEOPLE PLAYED YOU ASININE DEEP FRIED CAMEL 

Urbosa: XD 

Daruk: Ganon, Astor, King Dorephan, Paya, Purah, Robbie, Hestu, Tulin, and Riju left, but I’m pretty sure the rest of us are here 

Zelda: Teba, Terrako, King Rhoam, and Yunobo are gone too 

Master Kohga: Monk Maz Koshia also left 

Sooga: we’re here though 

(Revali left the chat) 

Zelda: he didn’t even say goodbye 

Impa: I got to go, not surprised that Mipha won though 

(Impa left the chat) 

Daruk: I had a feeling Mipha was going to win! I have to go too, though 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Master Kohga: it’s dinnertime, I have to go as well 

Sooga: indeed 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Sidon: My father is calling me! Goodbye, everyone! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Zelda: my father also is… bye 

(Zelda left the chat) 

Mipha: Bye, Link ^-^ 

Link: 👋 

(Mipha left the chat) 

(Link ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: GUYS, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS!? 

Link: ? 

Mipha: What news? 

Urbosa: What’s happening? 

Revali: you don’t need to yell >:( 

Daruk: Death Mountain eruptions stopped! The area is now okay for non-gorons to visit without fireproof stuff! You didn’t know!? 

Urbosa: oh, that, yeah 

Revali: forgive me for not checking the Goron Broadcasting Corporation… 

Urbosa: it’s not just on the GBC, but most news sources, since it’s pretty big 

Daruk: It is! You guys can finally come over! 

Revali: uninterested 

Daruk: too bad, because our next meeting will be here 

Revali: what 

Daruk: it’s true! I spoke with King Rhoam today, and the next meeting of the champions will be hosted in Goron City :D 

Revali: … 

Revali: well, at least it won’t be at my place, you raid my fridge every time 

Daruk: welp, see you guys in a week! 

*a week later* 

Mipha: It’s still quite hot… 

Revali: you’re right 

Link: 👍 

Urbosa: not as bad as the gerudo desert 

Daruk: welcome, fellow champions! champion fellows! 

Urbosa: yo 

Link: 👋 

Mipha: Hello, Daruk! 

Revali: hmph 

Daruk: would anyone like lava cream? 

Mipha: Uh… what? 

Urbosa: what’s that? 

Daruk: a sweet Goron treat! it’s sugary melt-in-your-mouth cream! I’ve got rock roast flavor! the best one! 

Link: 🍨? 

Daruk: same concept, little guy! 

Link: 😋 

Daruk: oh, you want to try it? 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: GREAT, here’s a metal bowl full of it! 

(Link was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: LINK! 

Daruk: oh damn, forgot to mention it’s also as hot as real lava… 

Urbosa: at least he dropped and spilled it on himself before he could drink it… though he’s covered in burns now 

Revali: pfft, it’s his fault for trying to eat it without asking first 

Mipha: I’m going to heal him! 

(Mipha has gone offline) 

Revali: tch, you know, a bit splashed on my feathers 

Urbosa: oh, shut up, Ravioli 

Revali: YOU shut up, asinine deep fried camel 

Urbosa: is that just your go-to insult for me now? I’m not even a camel 

Revali: AND I’M NOT PASTA 

(Link reconnected to the chat) 

(Mipha is back online) 

Mipha: phew… 

Link: 😩🍽️ 

Mipha: You’re hungry? Of course you are… 

Urbosa: Daruk, is any of your food edible for hylians? 

Revali: probably not, Link should’ve eaten before coming 

Mipha: He did. 

Revali: …what 

Mipha: We ate lunch together before heading here. 

Revali: it’s literally 1:00 pm… why would he need to eat anything… 

Mipha: He hasn’t yet eaten his second lunch… 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: rock roast is edible for hylians, isn’t it? 

Mipha: Uh, no… it’s… 

Daruk: aw, but when he came with Zelda to recruit me, we enjoyed rock roast together! 

Mipha: Yes, and then… he choked… 

Link: 👀 

Mipha: Link, no… 

Link: 😋🪨 

Mipha: Link, NO! 

(Link was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: LINK! 

(Mipha left the chat) 

Revali: why were we here for a meeting again? 

Daruk: checking in on how the divine beasts are doing, comparing notes! 

Revali: Medoh’s doing fine, so I’m out 

(Revali left the chat) 

Daruk: … 

Urbosa: of course he didn’t even say goodbye… anyway, goodbye 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

(Daruk ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: GUYS, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS!? 

Link: ? 

Mipha: What news? 

Revali: Is this about Death Mountain again? 

Daruk: It is… 

Urbosa: What happened? 

Daruk: I have bad news… 

Revali: What, did eruptions start again? 

Daruk: Well, no, but… it turns out the eruptions stopping might not have been for the best… 

Mipha: Why not…? 

Daruk: It became more hospitable, but not just for non-gorons. For viruses too. 

Mipha: Oh, for… for pathogens? 

Daruk: yeah, and… a virus that was hiding in the ground came out… it’s already infected hylian tourists who came to look at the caves 

Link: … 

Revali: It better not have infected me when we had that meeting… 

Daruk: No, no, it’s only a thing now, but… yeah. 

Urbosa: What’s the virus called? 

Daruk: It’s called COVID 

Urbosa: what are the symptoms? 

Daruk: the symptoms are pretty much reminiscent of a common cold plus a fever 

Urbosa: huh 

Daruk: I hope the doctors are able to develop a cure for it soon, people are dying to it 

Mipha: They are? O.O 

(Zelda joined the chat) 

Zelda: Everyone, as the queen of Hyrule, I must inform you that the land is now under a strict lockdown because of COVID! It has been declared a kingdomwide pandemic! 

Revali: The queen of Hyrule? What are you talking about? 

Zelda: COVID killed my father 

Revali: WHAT 

Mipha: O– oh… I’m pretty worried about my own father now… 

(King Dorephan joined the chat) 

King Dorephan: Don’t worry, Mipha, I was just about to announce Zora’s Domain lockdown, effective until the pandemic is over. And no cases have been reported in our domain yet. We’re safe. 

Urbosa: I don’t think anyone in the gerudo desert has been infected either, which is to be expected, as we’re pretty far from Eldin 

Daruk: Guys, don’t let this turn you off Eldin, okay? I swear that Death Mountain is a cool place! 

Mipha: Cool…? 

Daruk: Well, not literally– it’s pretty hot, even with the eruptions halted– but still! It’s nice! And us Gorons are friendly! Tourists are always welcome! …unless you’re coming here to steal our prime juicy rock roast, in which case we’ll show no mercy 

Revali: please, none of us would ever want your rock things 

Daruk: …or unless you’re Revali, we’ll show no mercy to Revali 

Revali: I don’t even want to go!!!!! 

(Impa and Paya joined the chat) 

Daruk: what’s up Sheikah gals :D 

Impa: Kakariko Village is under lockdown, but the economy is better than ever, interestingly… 

Paya: it is! the sales are off the charts! 

Revali: sales of WHAT 

Paya: stealth masks! 

Daruk: wait, what? how will stealth help with COVID? 

Impa: Daruk, have you seen a stealth mask before 

Daruk: Well, no… Sheikah clothing is too small for Gorons anyway 

Paya: it’s the mask part! Princ– err, QUEEN Zelda just purchased a lot! They’re being sold all across Central Hyrule! 

Urbosa: ah, yes, we ordered a shipment of them as well 

Zelda: wearing masks is strongly recommended, and even mandatory in certain places! 

King Dorephan: Ah, yes, it’s been made mandatory in Zora’s Domain. 

(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat) 

Master Kohga: ONE OF US! 

Sooga: ONE OF US! 

Master Kohga: We Yiga… we’ve been wearing masks forever, and not just for our nose and mouth! For our whole face! 

Revali: how do you even see out of those things 

Sooga: with our third eye, of course 

Zelda: your what? 

Sooga: I don’t expect non-Yigas to understand… 

Master Kohga: In any case, the Yiga Clan Hideout is doing fine throughout the pandemic! We’ve locked down completely, and no one in the hideout has the virus, so, we should be good! 

Sooga: Yes, hopefully… it’s very important that you in particular don’t catch the virus, Master Kohga. 

Master Kohga: PFFT, as if a puny little virus could take me down! 

(Yunobo joined the chat) 

Daruk: Yunobo, how’s it going! 

Yunobo: not good… 

Daruk: what’s wrong? are you sick with COVID? 

Yunobo: we didn’t manage to shut down Yunobo Co. construction projects for COVID until now, and people are sick because of it… 

Daruk: oh 

Urbosa: well, that’s the responsible thing to do in a crisis such as this 

Yunobo: I also… yes, have COVID… *cough* *cough* 

Daruk: oh damn 

Yunobo: I’m scared I’m going to die… 

Daruk: hang in there, buddy! 

(Yunobo was disconnected from the chat) 

Daruk: YUNOBO! 

Zelda: all construction projects across Hyrule have to be shut down, Hudson Construction too– I’ve already ordered the Zonai Survey Team to disband temporarily 

Master Kohga: NOT THE YIGA! 

Zelda: h– huh? 

Master Kohga: WE WILL CONTINUE TO CONQUER THE DEPTHS EVEN IN COVID! NOTHING SHALL KEEP US FROM DESTINY! AND NONE OF US ARE SICK! 

Sooga: Yiga supremacy 🙏 and glory to you, Master Kohga 

Master Kohga: YES, that’s the spirit, Sooga! 

Daruk: … 

Mipha: There are people in the domain who’ve gotten sick, even with lockdown, now… 

(Sidon joined the chat) 

Sidon: Not to fear, sister! We will get through this together! 

Mipha: Y– yes, of course… 

(Teba joined the chat) 

Teba: *sigh* 

Revali: what’s going on? 

Teba: Tulin’s sick with COVID… 

Daruk: dang 

(Riju joined the chat) 

Riju: yeah… same… *cough* *cough* 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Urbosa: Riju! 

Daruk: dang x2 

(Tulin joined the chat) 

Tulin: hey guys, my Dad’s letting me play games on my Sheikah slate for an unlimited amount of time! :D 

Daruk: oh, uh… cool? 

Tulin: maybe having COVID isn’t too ba– *cough* *COUGH* *COUGH* 

(Tulin was disconnected from the chat) 

Teba: TULIN! 

Zelda: alright that’s it MASKS ARE MANDATORY ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE!!!!! 

Master Kohga: a hundred steps ahead of you, Hylian monarch 

Sooga: the Yiga will always be ahead 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: Us Sheikah will be as well… 

Impa: indeed 

Paya: that’s right! masks for everyone now! 

Revali: THE HELL IS THIS THING!? I’M SUFFOCATING! 

Teba: I’d suggest wearing it all the time unless you want to catch what Tulin got… and then passed to me… 

Revali: wait, he… passed it to you? 

Teba: *COUGH* yes *COUGH* Kaneli too *COUGH* 

Revali: … 

(Teba was disconnected from the chat) 

Urbosa: I got COVID too, from Riju… ugh… 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

Paya: this is insane, oh my gosh… 

Impa: it IS… 

(Hestu joined the chat) 

Hestu: what’s up everyone!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Up is a concept, a direction supposedly meaning the opposite of the pull of gravity. 

Hestu: uh… right 

Sidon: How are you doing, Hestu? 

Hestu: oh, I’m great! 

Daruk: even with the pandemic going on? 

Hestu: Koroks are immune to COVID!!!!! XD 

Revali: …what 

Hestu: yeah, we’re the one Hyrulean race it can’t infect! 

Urbosa: that must be nice 

Hestu: yup! 

(Purah, Robbie, and Terrako joined the chat) 

Robbie: Hey, everyone! 

Purah: We have great news to share! 

Impa: Oh, great, we need good news at this point… 

Robbie: Because Guardians can’t catch COVID, we sent Terrako all around Hyrule, gathering information on the virus! 

Terrako: ^-^👍 

Purah: AAAAAND, WE’VE NOW DEVELOPED A VACCINE! 

King Dorephan: Thank goodness… 

Impa: wow, that’s… amazing news. 

Zelda: oh, wonderful, I’ll work on getting it to– *cough* *cough* *COUGH* *COUGH* 

Purah: you good? 

Zelda: no 

(Zelda was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: … 

Robbie: We’ll have to distribute it ourselves. You prepared for this, Terrako? 

Terrako: 👍 

Robbie: Great! 

Purah: oh, wait, there’s some bad news too, though 

Impa: oh jeez… what is it? 

Purah: weeeeell, just as we managed to develop a vaccine, the virus evolved, more variants are emerging 

Impa: what 

Purah: we have a vaccine for the first strain of COVID, but it won’t protect people against new variants 

Impa: WHAT 

Purah: hey, we managed to make a vaccine for the first strain, which is far more than anyone else could do! and we’ll work on a vaccine for the other variants too! cut us some slack already, sister! 

Impa: I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just surprised… and horrified 

Purah: us too 

Mipha: Please, deliver the vaccines to Zora’s Domain as soon as you can! My father is sick! 

Robbie: We will! 

Daruk: I’m sick with COVID now too… 

Mipha: Daruk…? 

Daruk: I never thought that a microscopic virus… could possibly… take down… the mighty Daruk… *cough* *COUGH* 

Mipha: DARUK! 

(Daruk was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: O.O 

Mipha: Oh, good, father’s been vaccinated… 

Sidon: We have as well! 

Revali: When are the vaccines coming to Rito Vill– *COUGH* 

Mipha: Revali…? 

Revali: OH C’MON I DIDN’T WEAR THOSE SUFFOCATING SHEIKAH MASKS FOR NOTH– *COUGH* SCREW IT *COUGH* 

Mipha: REVALI! 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: … 

Hestu: *cough* guys… a new variant emerged… *cough* capable of *COUGH* infecting koroks *COUGH* *COUGH* 

Mipha: O.O 

(Hestu was disconnected from the chat) 

King Dorephan: unfortunately, I’ve fallen ill as well from a new variant… 

Mipha: Father…? 

(King Dorephan was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: FATHER!!!!! 

Sidon: NOOOOO!!!!! 

Paya: *cough* I am *cough* also sick *COUGH* even though I did my best *COUGH* to avoid it… *COUGH* 

(Paya was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: Paya… 

Monk Maz Koshia: It appears there is even a variant capable of infecting guardians… 

Impa: goodness… 

Terrako: OIKJTKHOFKSJRKJGHRLJ– 

(Terrako was disconnected from the chat) 

Purah: oh, no, NO! this is horrible! We’re trying to develop better vaccines and medicines but Terrako’s dead and ROBBIE’S SICK TOO NOW!!!!! 

Robbie: *COUGH* 

Purah: ROBBIE NOOOOO 

(Robbie was disconnected from the chat) 

Purah: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! …but at least your death won’t be in vain, because I’m now so close to developing a new vaccine for– *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH* 

Impa: Robbie? Purah…? 

(Purah was disconnected from the chat) 

Impa: oh hylia 

Mipha: We’re done for, aren’t we…? 

Link: O.O 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: YOU ARE! 

Impa: GAH! What are YOU doing on here!? 

Astor: The virus was sent by the calamity, by the true god himself! It will wipe out every one of you, and then, this land will be ours for the taking, as we are IMMUNE! 

Impa: … 

Monk Maz Koshia: I sense your demise approaching… 

Astor: whAT!? you old– *COUGH* …WHAT!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: I have spoken… 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Master Kohga: The monk is right, Ass-tor! 

Sooga: There is a new variant that can infect even monsters and creatures of pure malice such as you. 

Astor: WHA– *COUGH* 

Master Kohga: We discovered it while researching the depths! 

Impa: but how’d the virus even get to the de– *cough* *COUGH* 

Master Kohga: SHUT UP I’M TALKING 

(Impa was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: She died from COVID too…? 

Sidon: *cough* *cough* *COUGH* 

Mipha: SIDON! 

Master Kohga: Will you guys stop DYING!? You’re interrupting my reveal! 

(Sidon was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: NO!!!!! 

Link: 😭 

Mipha: Oh no… my throat feels sore… 

Link: 😨 

Mipha: *cough* *cough* *COUGH* 

Link: 😱 

(Mipha was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 💔 💔 💔 💔 💔 

(Link was disconnected from the chat) 

Astor: You Yiga… what did you do to me!? 

Master Kohga: You fell for our trap, Ass-tor! You consumed the soul of a Yiga who’d voluntarily contracted the illness beforeward! 

Sooga: A noble sacrifice on the part of our fellow Yiga. 

Master Kohga: And now you’re going to DIE! You and Calamity Ganon both! 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Ganon: He was weak, but I am IMMORTAL! I cannot POSSIBLY– *cough* *cough* *cough* *COUGH* *COUGH* 

(Ganon was disconnected from the chat) 

Master Kohga: YES, AT LAST!!!!! 

Sooga: Indeed! 

Master Kohga: Us Yiga are the only ones now who remain! 

Sooga: Indeed! 

Master Kohga: We shall take over! We can explore and colonize the depths, entire surface, and sky! 

Sooga: Ind– *cough* 

Master Kohga: Sooga…? 

Sooga: *COUGH* 

Master Kohga: Sooga! 

Sooga: Master Kohga, you– *COUGH* must get away from me… or else you’ll get sick too… 

Master Kohga: oh, SCREW THAT! 

Sooga: but then… who will take over? 

Master Kohga: … 

Sooga: Master Kohga, please, don’t… don’t die because of me… 

Master Kohga: I’m not going to die! I’m stronger than some vir– *cough* 

Sooga: … 

Master Kohga: Sooga, hang in there! *COUGH* 

Sooga: It’s too late… 

(Sooga was disconnected from the chat) 

Master Kohga: SOOGA NOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO– *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH* 

(Master Kohga was disconnected from the chat) 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: … 

Monk Maz Koshia: I see… 

Monk Maz Koshia: I suppose I’ll simply end the chat, then… 

(Monk Maz Koshia ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Link, Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, Terrako, Purah, Robbie, Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, Riju, Hestu, Paya, Master Kohga, and Sooga joined the chat) 

Impa: I’m so glad the COVID pandemic is finally over… 

Zelda: you can say that again 

Revali: finally, we don’t have to wear those damn suffocating masks anymore 

Daruk: sorry about all that, guys… 

Urbosa: don’t blame yourself, it wasn’t the Gorons’ fault in the slightest 

Daruk: thanks Urbosa… 

Revali: speak for yourself, I will personally hold a grudge against them forever 

Mipha: Revali… 

Revali: errr… I forgive them, because Link died during the pandemic 

Mipha: REVALI. 

Revali: Fine, FINE! I’m glad the pandemic’s over and that everyone’s alive again… 

Mipha: Good. 

Revali: …EXCEPT LINK! 

Mipha: REVALI!!! 

Urbosa: shut it, bird brain 

Revali: YOU shut it, asinine deep fried camel 

Mipha: Guys… 

Urbosa: you’re never gonna stop calling me that, are you? 

Revali: definitely not, because that’s WHAT YOU ARE! 

Mipha: GUYS. 

Urbosa: I could turn you into a deep fried chicken 

Revali: and I could destroy your entire puny little town with bombs! FROM HUNDREDS OF METERS IN THE SKY! 

Mipha: GUYS!!! 

Urbosa: O.O 

Revali: y– yes, Mipha…? 

Mipha: QUIT FIGHTING!!! 

Urbosa: yes, ma’am 

Revali: of course 

Impa: …in any case, if you’re all finished, I’ve got an announcement to make. 

Daruk: you do? 

Impa: All COVID precautions have officially been made optional, and now a giant shopping area we’ve decided to call a “mall” just finished getting set up where Hyrule Castle Town used to be. 

Purah: yep, it’s just north of where Lookout Landing is! 

Zelda: oh, right, there’s that… I was meaning to make an announcement about it 

Master Kohga: What is a mall? 

Paya: A shopping center, it’s like a collection of stores which sell all different things, joined together in one area. 

Master Kohga: Hmm, sounds interesting… 

Sooga: Indeed… and where is it located? 

Paya: Where Hyrule Castle Town used to be! I haven’t gone yet, but I’m planning on going pretty soon ^-^ 

Mipha: I believe I heard about this… 

Sidon: I did as well! 

Daruk: I say we go on a trip there! Who’s in? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Uh… sure. 

Sidon: Let’s do it! 

Tulin: yeah, sounds fun 

Riju: I’ll go too! 

Urbosa: why not 

Revali: this sounds like a waste of time… 

Mipha: Revali? You aren’t going to check it out? 

Revali: …okay, fine, I guess I will… only if they sell arrows, though… 

Impa: There IS a weapons shop. It should be somewhere on the map. 

Robbie: Let’s all meet up there! 

Purah: Agreed! 

(Purah ended the chat) 

*a while later* 

(Daruk started a chat) 

Daruk: okay, so, who showed up? 

(Impa joined the chat) 

Impa: I’m here. 

(Link joined the chat) 

Link: 👍 

(Urbosa joined the chat) 

Urbosa: I have arrived 

(Mipha joined the chat) 

Mipha: Greetings, everyone! 

(Sidon joined the chat) 

Sidon: Hello, friends! 

(Purah and Robbie joined the chat) 

Purah: Robbie and I are definitely here! 

(Riju joined the chat) 

Riju: I came with Urbosa! 

(Hestu joined the chat) 

Hestu: Hellooooo! I’m here to buy cool stuff! 

(Zelda and Terrako joined the chat) 

Zelda: hello, everyone… we’re here 

(Paya joined the chat) 

Paya: I thought I should come as well ^-^ 

(Tulin joined the chat) 

Tulin: it is MALL DAY my dudes! 

(Teba joined the chat) 

Teba: urgh… I came with Tulin… 

(Yunobo joined the chat) 

Yunobo: I came because the Great Daruk wanted me to… 

Teba: You know you don’t have to go to everything he invites you to, right? 

(Revali joined the chat) 

Revali: I’m here… why am I here again? 

Urbosa: because you’re a hopeless Mipha simp 

Revali: f*** you 

Urbosa: hehe you know it’s true 😂 

Revali: shut up now 

Urbosa: you’re still not denying it 😏 

Revali: I will decapitate you 

Urbosa: I’d love to see you try 

(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat) 

Master Kohga: We’re here… where’s the map? 

Impa: Oh, right, everyone, here’s the map. 

Tulin: wait, where’s the Hyrule Games store? I don’t see it on the map 

Zelda: oh, there isn’t one, actually 

Tulin: I thought they operated everywhere in Hyrule! There’s even a store in Rito Village! 

Riju: and one in Gerudo Town! 

Zelda: everywhere except Central Hyrule, my father made them illegal over here after a Hyrule Games console he bought exploded and caused him to spill wine on his favorite bathrobe 

Tulin: authority figures smh 

Riju: f*** King Rhoam, that’s the reason I came 

Urbosa: who taught Riju that word…? 

Revali: probably you, we all know how you are after ten noble pursuits 

Urbosa: I’ll have you know I can hold my liquor, it takes more than that to get me drunk 

Revali: the chat logs from the New Year’s party say otherwise 

Urbosa: that was long ago, I’ve built up a better tolerance now 

Revali: not sure if that’s actually something to be proud of 

Daruk: for once, I agree with Revali 

Purah: we’re getting off topic, where do you guys want to go in the mall? 

Riju: is there a candy shop? 

Purah: there is 

Riju: I guess I’ll go there instead of a Hyrule Games store 

Tulin: I wanna go to the candy shop too! Dad, c’mon! 

Teba: ugh… coming… 

Urbosa: Teba, you look exhausted 

Teba: I AM… 

Urbosa: you go home, I’ll go with them 

Teba: What? What about Tulin? 

Urbosa: I’ll make sure that he gets home, you go and rest 

Teba: thank you, Gerudo Champion… 

Urbosa: no problem 

(Teba left the chat) 

Robbie: Man, being a father is hard, huh? 

Purah: it would appear so! 

Robbie: but anyway, I think we should meet at the food court at lunchtime, after finishing shopping 

Purah: good idea, let’s do it! 

Urbosa: I’m taking Tulin and Riju to the candy shop, we’ll be back in a bit 

(Urbosa, Tulin, and Riju left the chat) 

Revali: I’m going to the weapons shop now to get those arrows 

(Revali left the chat) 

Master Kohga: Is there a banana shop? 

Impa: Well, no, but the grocery store sells bananas. 

Sooga: It does? 

Impa: Yeah, plenty. 

Master Kohga: Alright! Sooga, TO THE GROCERY STORE! 

Sooga: Understood! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Zelda: that reminds me… I need to pick up groceries. Let’s go, Terrako! 

Terrako: 👍 

(Zelda and Terrako left the chat) 

Mipha: I am going to go to the luminous stone carving shop! It sounds interesting! 

Sidon: Oh, yes! They have an expert who can carve anything that you ask for! 

Mipha: Link, do you want to come with us? 

Link: 😁👍 

Mipha: Let’s go! 

(Mipha, Link, and Sidon left the chat) 

Hestu: I’m going to the music store! Anyone else want to come along? 

Daruk: I’ll go! We barely even have music in Goron City– all we can manage to do is bang rocks together! Yunobo, you wanna come? 

Yunobo: um– yeah! 

(Hestu, Daruk, and Yunobo left the chat) 

Paya: I’m… um… I’m going to the pet store. Anyone else want to join? 

Impa: Yeah, sure. 

Robbie: Why not! 

Purah: I’ll go too! 

Robbie: We’ll all meet at the food court in time for lunch! 

(Paya, Impa, Purah, and Robbie left the chat) 

*a while later* 

(Paya, Impa, Purah, and Robbie joined the chat) 

Paya: awww… those animals were so cute! 

Impa: I honestly agree 

Robbie: Everyone has lunch? Good! 

Purah: Let’s see who shows up again! 

(Revali joined the chat) 

Revali: I went to the weapons shop, bought all their arrows, and I’m leaving now 

(Revali left the chat) 

Purah: … 

(Terrako and Zelda joined the chat) 

Zelda: hello, I got everything I needed grocery shopping 

Terrako: 👍 

Purah: oh, right, you went to the grocery store… did you see the Yiga? 

Zelda: Master Kohga and Sooga? yeah, they left right after grabbing all the bananas in the store 

Purah: huh 

(Hestu, Daruk, and Yunobo joined the chat) 

Hestu: hey everybody! 

Zelda: oh, how was the music store? 

Daruk: it was awesome, Hestu taught Yunobo and I all kinds of cool stuff about music! 

Yunobo: y– yeah! 

Purah: awesome! 

(Mipha, Link, and Sidon joined the chat) 

Sidon: greetings, friends! 

Impa: yo, how was the luminous stone carving shop? 

Mipha: It was amazing… the expert truly could carve anything we asked for! 

Link: 😁👍 

Purah: what did you get from them? 

Mipha: Well, Sidon got a luminous stone bracelet of his own design… 

Robbie: what about you and Link? 

Mipha: O– oh… well… 

Terrako: 👀 

Mipha: Um, we got matching luminous stone pendants with our initials engraved on them… 

Link: 👍♥️ 

Purah: aw, how adorably romantic! 

Mipha: Yeah, though, just after leaving to come over here, we heard a loud crash from somewhere in the mall… 

Impa: hold on, come to think of it, I think I heard it too… 

Daruk: me too, yeah, something like that… 

Zelda: us too! 

(Urbosa joined the chat) 

Urbosa: h– hey… guys… 

Zelda: Urbosa, are you alright? you really look tired! 

Urbosa: uh… have any of you… seen the children? 

Mipha: The children…? Meaning Tulin and Riju? 

Urbosa: yeah… them… 

Purah: we haven’t… what happened? 

Urbosa: well, as you all know, I took them to the candy shop 

Robbie: and…? 

Urbosa: they ate way too much candy… 

Paya: O.O 

Daruk: and then what happened? 

Urbosa: in the midst of their sugar rush, they ran off and left me behind 

Mipha: Oh dear… 

Urbosa: well, technically Tulin FLEW off, but… 

Impa: and now you have no clue where they went? 

Urbosa: urgh, they yelled something about going on a minecart, but… that’s the only clue I’ve got 

Purah: oh, they must be talking about the minecart ride! 

Paya: the what…? 

Purah: well, you know the minecarts that are used to traverse Death Mountain? and other places sometimes? 

Paya: yes…? 

Purah: we built a small minecart ride in an open area of the mall 

Robbie: it’s rather close to the food court, where we are, too… 

Urbosa: you’re saying they went there, then? 

Purah: probably, it’s the only minecart here 

Urbosa: I’ll go look for them, then 

(Tulin and Riju joined the chat) 

Urbosa: THERE you are, you FINALLY show up! 

Riju: we’re sorry for running off… 

Tulin: we just wanted to ride the minecart… 

Urbosa: you should’ve told me first 

Tulin: yeah, sorry… 

Urbosa: but anyway, would you like some lunch? 

Riju: … 

Tulin: … 

Urbosa: why did you both go silent? 

Tulin: I think we have to go… 

Urbosa: go? why? 

Riju: mall security is coming after us… 

Urbosa: wait WHAT!? why!? 

Tulin: we… um… might’ve accidentally crashed the minecart… 

Mipha: O– oh… is THAT what the loud crash was? 

Purah: how did you two manage to CRASH the minecart? we built it so, even on the fastest speed, it’s still too slow to go off the rails or crash into anything 

Riju: yeah, that’s… why we ended up crashing it… 

Impa: explain 

Tulin: okay, so, we got on 

Riju: but it was way too slow 

Tulin: even on the highest speed, it was much more boring than we’d expected 

Riju: it didn’t go anywhere even close to the speed of an actual minecart 

Impa: yeah… for THE SAFETY OF EVERYONE IN THE MALL 

Tulin: well we know that NOW 😖 

Riju: but before WE DIDN’T KNOW 😩 

Tulin: I decided to give it a boost, because it clearly needed one 

Riju: I helped too 

Tulin: and with the power of wind… I made it go FAST! 

Riju: for a few seconds, it was AMAZING! 

Tulin: and then it crashed into the Hudson’s Bay Company across from it, smashing through the display glass, knocking over mannequins, and shooting through the entire store and out the other side, and into other stores as well 

Riju: it was fun but also horrifying 

Tulin: sometimes even I’M scared of what my wind is capable of! 

Riju: hey, Tulin! I helped too, giving it extra electricity power with my lightning! 

Tulin: it was mostly the power of my wind though 

Riju: come on, it was the combined effort of two powerful sages! 

Urbosa: IS THIS SOMETHING YOU TWO ARE PROUD OF!? 

Tulin: … 

Riju: n– no, we aren’t, I swear! 

Tulin: …not really, anyway 

Riju: but as I said, mall security is coming after us! we’ve got to go! 

(MallSecurityBot joined the chat) 

MallSecurityBot: YOU 

Tulin: AHHHHH 

Riju: IT’S THEM AGAIN 

MallSecurityBot: Both of you are coming with me! You are permanently banned from the mall and placed under arrest for destroying the minecart ride and a number of the shops in that area of the mall! NOW COME WITH ME! 

(Tulin and Riju were disconnected from the chat) 

MallSecurityBot: The rest of you! You were conversing casually with these perpetrators! Are you in cahoots with them? 

Urbosa: uh– well– I’m supposed to take them home, actually… 

Zelda: As the person in charge of sages, I feel the need to mention I’m an ally of theirs… 

Terrako: 👍 

Yunobo: I’m friends with them… 

Daruk: I am too! 

Hestu: me too! 

(Urbosa, Zelda, Terrako, Yunobo, Daruk, and Hestu were disconnected from the chat) 

MallSecurityBot: Anyone else in cahoots with these five? 

Impa: …I’m not, and I’m leaving 

(Impa left the chat) 

Paya: wait for me! 

(Paya left the chat) 

Mipha: I didn’t help them, if that’s what you mean, and Sidon and Link didn’t either 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Indeed, while I am friends with them, I’d never help them commit crimes! 

(Mipha, Link, and Sidon left the chat) 

Purah: us too! 

Robbie: indeed! 

(Purah and Robbie left the chat) 

MallSecurityBot: well then, good day to the rest of you 

(MallSecurityBot ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(CharactersChatBot started a chat) 

(CharactersChatBot added the 24 main characters to the chat) 

CharactersChatBot: I have a fun activity planned for today that I think you’ll all enjoy! 

Mipha: What is it? 

CharactersChatBot: A teams elimination game! 

Master Kohga: A TEAMS elimination game? How does that work? 

CharactersChatBot: Tell me, how many people are on this chat right now not including me? 

Master Kohga: 24 

CharactersChatBot: Yes, and as such, you’ll divide into 6 teams of 4! 

Daruk: @CharactersChatBot I’ve got a question! 

CharactersChatBot: Of course! What’s your question? 

Daruk: Are teams allowed to make alliances with each other? 

CharactersChatBot: It’s up to you! In short, yes, if you want! 

Impa: How does the team voting thing actually work? 

CharactersChatBot: Of course! Individually, each member gets one vote. As a team, you get four votes. You can decide how you would like to divide them up, whether you want to use all four votes on the same person, use one vote each for four different people, etc. You are not voting for other teams though, you are still voting for individual people. However, victory is decided through teams. If all four members of a team are eliminated, that team is eliminated. If one person left from a team is the last one standing, they win the game. We have also played elimination games before, and so you know what the voting preferences of individual people are, so you can therefore strategize to ensure your team wins in many different ways that I will leave up to you. 

Monk Maz Koshia: Interesting… 

CharactersChatBot: Oh, and, feel free to discuss your strategy in private chats. I only need the team leader on the main chat to let me know what each team is choosing to do in each round. 

Tulin: okay, so, what will the teams be? 

CharactersChatBot: That’s for you to figure out! Ping me when you’re finished deciding your teams! Until then, goodbye! Oh and make sure to pick team leaders and team names! 

(CharactersChatBot has gone offline) 

Mipha: … 

Sidon: 6 teams of 4, eh? Link, father, and dearest sister, would you like to be on a team together? 

Mipha: Of course, Sidon! 

King Dorephan: yes 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Mipha, as Zora champion, I believe you should lead, and the team should be called Team Zora. 

King Dorephan: I agree 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Oh, well… if you all agree, then of course! 

Daruk: Hey Yunobo! You want to form a Team Goron together? 

Yunobo: oh, yeah, let’s do it! you can lead! 

Daruk: I will! we need two more members, though… 

Revali: tch, I suppose I’ll form a Team Rito 

Teba: I’ll join, then 

Tulin: me too! me too! 

Revali: ugh… fine… 

Hestu: ooh! I know I’m not a Rito, but could I join? 

Revali: no 

Hestu: aw 

Daruk: join us, Hestu! 

Hestu: oh, okay! 

Urbosa: Revali, you know your team is going to need a fourth member, right? 

Revali: shut 

Urbosa: but anyway, I’ll be forming a Team Gerudo, who wants to join? 

Riju: ooh, me! me! 

Urbosa: alright, Riju, let’s do this 

Zelda: um, Urbosa… is it okay if Terrako and I join your team, even though we’re not Gerudo? 

Urbosa: yeah, sure 

Zelda: thank you 

Terrako: 😄 

Master Kohga: I’m forming a team Yiga! 

Sooga: I will join, of course. 

Master Kohga: Anyone else want to join us on our path to greatness? Monk? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Why not. 

Master Kohga: Great! Anyone else? Spots are filling up quickly! 

Purah: I’ll join, why not… I was once part of the Yiga Clan 

Robbie: you were WHAT 

Purah: I was joking, jeez! 

Robbie: …I’m going to join their team instead, just to make sure you don’t get any ideas 

Purah: awwwww 

Robbie: @Master Kohga I’m joining your team 

Master Kohga: Got it! Team Yiga is officially full! 

Impa: If you’re forming a Team Yiga, I’ll form a Team Sheikah 

Paya: I’ll join! 

Purah: Me too, I’m Sheikah after all! 

Robbie: is that everyone? 

King Rhoam: no, I still have to join a team, and so do Ganon and Astor 

Purah: oh, them… we should probably separate them so they can’t do anything crazy 

Impa: for once, I agree with you… 

Teba: King Rhoam, please, join our team… dealing with Tulin is hard enough, we don’t need Astor or Ganon to worry about 

King Rhoam: very well, I’ll join Team Rito 

Revali: …fine 

Impa: Okay, so, we have to take either Ganon or Astor… 

Daruk: we can keep Ganon in check! you take Astor! 

Impa: …alright 

Purah: @CharactersChatBot we’re finished! 

(CharactersChatBot is back online) 

CharactersChatBot: Awesome! Ready to play? 

Link: 👍 

CharactersChatBot: Great, now, let discussions for the first round start! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, and King Dorephan to the private chat) 

Mipha: Okay, so… who do we want to vote out in the first round? Ganon? 

Sidon: Yes, Ganon. 

King Dorephan: Ganon. 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Ganon it is! 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Daruk started a private chat) 

(Daruk added Yunobo, Hestu, and Ganon to the private chat) 

Daruk: I’d say we should vote Ganon, but… uh… he’s on our team this time, meaning… Astor? 

Yunobo: yeah, Astor 

Hestu: yes, Astor! for what he did to Korok Forest! 

Ganon: I– 

Daruk: Great, we all agree! We’re voting for Astor! 

(Daruk ended the private chat) 

(Revali started a private chat) 

(Revali added Teba, Tulin, and King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Revali: Astor? 

Teba: alright 

King Rhoam: yes 

Tulin: Ass-tor, sure 

(Revali ended the private chat) 

(Urbosa started a private chat) 

(Urbosa added Riju, Zelda, and Terrako to the private chat) 

Urbosa: Ganon? 

Riju: yep 

Zelda: yes 

Terrako: 👍 

Urbosa: understood 

(Urbosa ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

(Master Kohga added Sooga, Monk Maz Koshia, and Robbie to the private chat) 

Master Kohga: ASS-TOR 

Sooga: Agreed. 

Monk Mas Koshia: Why not. 

Robbie: Yeah, sure! 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

(Impa started a private chat) 

(Impa added Paya, Purah, and Astor to the private chat) 

Impa: Ganon? 

Paya: Ganon 

Purah: Ganon! 

Astor: I– 

Impa: Ganon it is. 

(Impa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The first round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 4 votes from Team Zora for Ganon 

Daruk: 4 votes from Team Goron for Astor 

Revali: 4 votes from Team Rito for Astor 

Urbosa: 4 votes from Team Gerudo for Ganon 

Master Kohga: 4 votes from Team Yiga for Ass-tor 

Impa: 4 votes from Team Sheikah for Ganon 

CharactersChatBot: Ganon and Astor are tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Ganon and Astor were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Onto the next round. There’ll be another brief period of discussion before the beginning of the next round starting now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, and King Dorephan to the private chat) 

Mipha: Now that Ganon and Astor are out… who should we vote? 

King Dorephan: hmm, things will start to get difficult… 

Sidon: Why not form an alliance with another team to pool votes with? To help ensure our safety? 

Mipha: That’s not a bad idea… but which team should we partner with? 

King Dorephan: Not Team Goron or Team Sheikah, as they’ve already lost a member each… and not Team Rito or Team Gerudo, as they’ve got children… 

Mipha: Team Yiga, then? Sidon, Link, what do you think? 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Let’s do it! 

(Mipha added Master Kohga, Sooga, Monk Maz Koshia, and Robbie to the chat) 

Master Kohga: Huh? 

Sooga: Why are we here? 

Mipha: Team Yiga, we have a proposition for you. 

Master Kohga: Oh, what is it? 

Sidon: What do you think of forming an alliance with us, so we can pool our votes? 

Sooga: An alliance? 

King Dorephan: it would help both our teams stay safe, at least for the time being 

Master Kohga: Hmm… sure. 

Mipha: Great, now, who should we all vote this round? 

Monk Maz Koshia: You all can choose. 

Master Kohga: Zelda, she never eats bananas 

Sooga: Agreed. 

Link: 👍 

Robbie: why not, let’s spice things up 

Sidon: If everyone agrees, then I do too! 

King Dorephan: alright 

Mipha: Oh, um… I’m surprised, but sure. Let’s do it. 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Yunobo and Hestu to the chat) 

Daruk: okay, I thought this would happen, guys, but hear me out 

Yunobo: yeah? 

Daruk: let’s see if we can form an alliance with Team Sheikah, as the two lesser teams currently 

Hestu: oh, sure! 

(Daruk added Impa, Paya, and Purah to the chat) 

Daruk: hey, Team Sheikah, do you– 

Impa: –want to form an alliance? Yes, absolutely. 

Daruk: oh, you… knew what I was going to say? 

Purah: we have been thinking the same thing! 

Daruk: it’s official, then…? 

Impa: yes, let’s make an alliance 

Daruk: great… who are we voting this round? 

Purah: what about Revali? plenty of people will probably vote him 

Daruk: yeah, sure… everyone good with that? 

Hestu: okay! 

Impa: I guess 

Paya: um… ok 

Yunobo: s– sure! 

Daruk: awesome! 

(Daruk ended the private chat) 

(Revali started a private chat) 

(Revali added Teba, Tulin, and King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Revali: alright, who the f– 

Tulin: wait 

(Tulin added CharactersChatBot to the chat) 

CharactersChatBot: what can I help with? 

Tulin: are we allowed to vote people from our own team? 

CharactersChatBot: I suppose there are no rules against it. If people can vote themselves out in the normal elimination games, you can vote out other people on your team in the teams elimination games. 

Tulin: ooh ok :D 

Teba: …Tulin, why are you asking this? 

Tulin: just curious :D 

CharactersChatBot: is that it? 

Tulin: yep :D 

(CharactersChatBot left the chat) 

Tulin: but anyway let’s vote out Riju 

King Rhoam: why Riju? 

Tulin: she’s annoying 

King Rhoam: … 

Tulin: PLEEEEEEAAAAASE????? 

King Rhoam: er… okay? 

Teba: fine 

Revali: …I guess, if we can’t rid the chat of you yet we’ll get rid of the other young annoying child 

(Revali ended the private chat) 

(Urbosa started a private chat) 

(Urbosa added Riju, Zelda, and Terrako to the private chat) 

Urbosa: who do you all want to vote? 

Riju: please please vote Tulin 

Zelda: why him? 

Riju: he’s definitely going to want to vote me out one way or another soon 

Urbosa: why’s that? 

Riju: I beat him at lightning shooters again this morning… 

Terrako: 🤔 

Urbosa: I suppose we could vote Tulin 

Riju: THANK YOU LADY URBOSA 

Urbosa: everyone else is okay with that? 

Zelda: uh… sure 

Terrako: 👍 

Urbosa: alright, awesome 

(Urbosa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 4 votes from Team Zora for Zelda 

Master Kohga: 4 votes from Team Sheikah for Zelda 

Daruk: 3 votes from Team Goron for Revali 

Impa: 3 votes from Team Sheikah for Revali 

Revali: 4 votes from Team Rito for Riju 

Urbosa: 4 votes from Team Gerudo for Tulin 

CharactersChatBot: Zelda has been eliminated! 

(Zelda was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, King Dorephan, Master Kohga, Sooga, Monk Maz Koshia, and Robbie to the chat) 

Mipha: Zelda is out, now who? 

Monk Maz Koshia: I have an idea, but first… 

(Monkk Maz Koshia added CharactersChatBot to the chat) 

CharactersChatBot: What can I help with? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Is it possible for us to withhold a number of our votes, as in, to not use them? 

CharactersChatBot: I suppose there are no rules against it. If people can choose to not vote in normal elimination games, you can withhold a number of your team’s votes in the teams elimination games. 

Monk Maz Koshia: Understood. 

CharactersChatBot: Is that it? 

Tulin: yep :D 

(CharactersChatBot left the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: That settles it, the best course of action is for two votes to go to Riju, three to go to Tulin, and to withhold the remaining three. 

Robbie: Why’s that? 

Monk Maz Koshia: It will force a three way tie between the two children and whoever the Goron-Sheikah alliance place their votes on. It stands to reason the teams who did not get what they wanted will cast the same votes this round. 

King Dorephan: Team Goron and Team Sheikah have an alliance? 

Monk Maz Koshia: There’s no doubt about it. 

King Dorephan: I see… 

Monk Maz Koshia: Well, do we all agree? 

Robbie: sure 

Mipha: I trust your judgement, yes. 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Let’s do it! 

King Dorephan: yes 

Master Kohga: Of course, Monk! 

Sooga: Indeed. 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Daruk started a private chat) 

(Daruk added Yunobo, Hestu, Impa, Paya, and Purah to the chat) 

Daruk: Revali didn’t work, surprisingly… 

Impa: Let’s try Terrako this time, before he tries to vote for me. 

Purah: the cute little guardian? awwwww… but fine 

Paya: um… ok 

Hestu: sure 

Yunobo: y– yeah 

Daruk: alright then 

(Daruk ended the private chat) 

(Revali started a private chat) 

(Revali added Teba, Tulin, and King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Tulin: RIJU AGAIN WE HAVE TO SHE’S EVEN VOTING FOR ME 

Revali: fine, as long as you shut up 

(Revali ended the private chat) 

(Urbosa started a private chat) 

(Urbosa added Riju and Terrako to the private chat) 

Riju: we have to vote Tulin again, PLEASE! 

Urbosa: alright… 

(Urbosa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 3 votes for Tulin and 1 vote for Riju from Team Zora 

Master Kohga: 1 vote for Riju and 3 votes withheld from Team Yiga 

Daruk: 3 votes for Terrako from Team Goron 

Impa: 3 votes for Terrako from Team Sheikah 

Revali: 4 votes for Riju from Team Rito 

Urbosa: 3 votes for Tulin from Team Gerudo 

CharactersChatBot: Tulin, Riju, and Terrako are tied! They have all been eliminated! 

(Tulin, Riju, and Terrako were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, King Dorephan, Master Kohga, Sooga, Monk Maz Koshia, and Robbie to the private chat) 

Mipha: Wow, Monk Maz Koshia, you really… 

Master Kohga: He did! 

Monk Maz Koshia: We should vote Urbosa this round, in the hopes of finally eliminating a whole team. 

Master Kohga: Fine by me! 

Sooga: Yes. 

Sidon: I have no objections! 

Link: 👍 

King Dorephan: alright 

Robbie: sure 

Mipha: Let’s do it! 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Revali started a private chat) 

(Revali added Teba and King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Revali: Urbosa? 

Teba: alright, to get rid of a whole team at last 

King Rhoam: yes 

(Revali ended the private chat) 

(Daruk started a private chat) 

(Daruk added Yunobo, Hestu, Impa, Paya, and Purah to the private chat) 

Daruk: we should vote out a member of either Team Zora or Team Yiga, since they’re so obviously working together 

Purah: let’s do Robbie, then! 

Impa: …okay… 

Yunobo: sure 

Paya: um… ok 

Hestu: sure! 

Daruk: it’s decided 

(Daruk ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 4 votes from Team Zora for Urbosa 

Master Kohga: 4 votes from Team Yiga for Urbosa 

Revali: 3 votes from Team Rito for Urbosa 

Daruk: 3 votes from Team Goron for Robbie 

Impa: 3 votes from Team Sheikah for Robbie 

Urbosa: Revali 

CharactersChatBot: Urbosa has been eliminated! 

(Urbosa was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Team Gerudo has now been completely eliminated as of this round! It is the first team to fall! The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, King Dorephan, Master Kohga, Sooga, Monk Maz Koshia, and Robbie to the private chat) 

Mipha: Who should we vote? 

Link: 🙄🐦 

Mipha: Revali? Alright. For how he treats you. 

Sidon: Agreed! I respect him, but I wish he respected Link! 

King Dorephan: yes 

Master Kohga: Okay! 

Sooga: Yes. 

Monk Maz Koshia: I see no problem with it. 

Robbie: sure! 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Revali started a private chat) 

(Revali added Teba and King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Revali: we’re voting Link out this round 

King Rhoam: Link…? 

Revali: YES, they’re undoubtedly voting me soon and I’m GOING to vote him at least once before I’m removed 

King Rhoam: I see… well, alright, it’s only a game 

Teba: Alright. 

Revali: GOOD. 

(Revali ended the private chat) 

(Daruk started a private chat) 

Daruk: Robbie again? It has to be a member of the Zora-Yiga alliance at this point if we want to stay in the game. 

Yunobo: sure 

Hestu: yeah 

Impa: yes 

Paya: okay 

Purah: go ahead! 

Daruk: okay good 

(Daruk ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 4 votes from Team Zora for Revali 

Master Kohga: 4 votes from Team Yiga for Revali 

Revali: 3 votes from Team Rito for LINK 

Daruk: 3 votes from Team Goron for Robbie 

Impa: 3 votes from Team Sheikah for Robbie 

CharactersChatBot: Revali has been eliminated! 

(Revali was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Teba is now the leader of Team Rito! 

Teba: … 

CharactersChatBot: The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, King Dorephan, Master Kohga, Sooga, Monk Maz Koshia, and Robbie to the private chat) 

Mipha: What now? 

Monk Maz Koshia: We attack the Goron-Sheikah alliance with everything we’ve got. 

Master Kohga: Let’s vote Purah, for the Halloween thing… 

Sooga: Agreed. 

Sidon: Yes! 

King Dorephan: why not 

Robbie: let’s do it, she’s probably the one who suggested they vote me 

Monk Maz Koshia: Yes. 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: I’m glad we all agree! 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Teba started a private chat) 

(Teba added King Rhoam, Daruk, Yunobo, Hestu, Impa, Paya, and Purah to the private chat) 

Teba: Everyone, hear me out, please. 

Impa: What is it? 

Teba: The Zora-Yiga alliance wants us to vote each other off, but if we pool all of our votes, we have the same amount as them. Could we join your alliance? 

Daruk: Of course, the more the merrier! 

Purah: Are you okay voting Robbie this round, Teba? 

Teba: Yes, just… we have to fight them together. 

Purah: aw, yeah, I’m in! 

Teba: Let’s do it, then… 

(Teba ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 4 votes from Team Zora for Purah 

Master Kohga: 4 votes from Team Yiga for Purah 

Teba: 2 votes from Team Rito for Robbie 

Daruk: 3 votes from Team Goron for Robbie 

Impa: 3 votes from Team Sheikah for Robbie 

CharactersChatBot: Purah and Robbie are tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Purah and Robbie were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Sidon, King Dorephan, Master Kohga, Sooga, and Monk Maz Koshia to the private chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: It seems they have all formed an alliance now, of the three remaining teams. And together, they have as many members as us. 

Master Kohga: This is troublesome… 

King Dorephan: what shall we do? 

Monk Maz Koshia: The only course of action is to continue voting for them. Any suggestions on who? 

Master Kohga: Yunobo, he’s annoying asf 

Sooga: I agree. 

Mipha: We could vote him. Any objections? 

Monk Maz Koshia: No objections. 

Sidon: No objections! 

King Dorephan: I have no objections either 

Mipha: Link, you’re okay with this too? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Understood. 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Teba started a private chat) 

(Teba added King Rhoam, Daruk, Yunobo, Hestu, Impa, and Paya to the private chat) 

Teba: Who should we vote out now? 

King Rhoam: I would say someone from Team Zora, as we’ve already voted someone from Team Yiga 

Daruk: What about King Dorephan, then? I don’t want to vote out Mipha, Link, or Sidon… 

King Rhoam: works for me 

Teba: I’m fine with that as well 

Yunobo: sure! 

Hestu: yeah! 

Impa: alright 

Paya: ok 

(Teba ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 4 votes from Team Zora for Yunobo 

Master Kohga: 3 votes from Team Yiga for Yunobo 

Teba: 2 votes from Team Rito for King Dorephan 

Daruk: 3 votes from Team Goron for King Dorephan 

Impa: 2 votes from Team Sheikah for King Dorephan 

CharactersChatBot: Yunobo and King Dorephan are tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Yunobo and King Dorephan were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: The discussion time for the next round begins now! Only, one thing will be changed! As we’ve reached the halfway point of the elimination game, and it seems it’s become two alliances against each other, I am making it a rule that you can only open private chats and discuss votes within your own team! Five teams left, fight! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link and Sidon to the private chat) 

Mipha: Alright, so, we can’t make alliances anymore… but we are doing better than all of the other teams aside from Team Yiga, who is tied with us. Who should we vote? 

Link: 🥦 

Mipha: You want to vote Hestu? Alright. Sidon? 

Sidon: Fine with me! 

Mipha: Great ^-^ 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

(Master Kohga added Sooga and Monk Maz Koshia to the chat) 

Master Kohga: Monk! Who are we voting? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Well, the most disliked character still here is most likely Hestu, and so it would be wisest to vote him, for our own safety. 

Sooga: I have no objections. 

Master Kohga: okay, great, the broccoli guy, got it 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

(Teba started a private chat) 

(Teba added King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Teba: Who should we vote? 

King Rhoam: We should try and go after one of the larger teams, again… 

Teba: Then does Sooga work? 

King Rhoam: sure 

Teba: got it 

(Teba ended the private chat) 

(Daruk started a private chat) 

(Daruk added Hestu to the private chat) 

Daruk: We should vote someone from team Zora or Yiga, probably… 

Hestu: like Sooga? 

Daruk: yeah, that works 

(Daruk ended the private chat) 

(Impa started a private chat )

(Impa added Paya to the private chat) 

Impa: Any suggestions? Preferably someone from the larger teams… 

Paya: Master Kohga? 

Impa: alright 

(Impa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 3 votes from Team Zora for Hestu 

Master Kohga: 3 votes from Team Yiga for Hestu 

Teba: 2 votes from Team Rito for Sooga 

Daruk: 2 votes from Team Goron for Sooga 

Impa: 2 votes from Team Sheikah for Master Kohga 

CharactersChatBot: Hestu has been eliminated! 

(Hestu was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link and Sidon to the private chat) 

Mipha: If we vote Daruk, we’ll eliminate a team, are you both okay with voting him? 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Yes! 

Mipha: Good ^-^ 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

(Master Kohga added Sooga and Monk Maz Koshia to the private chat) 

Master Kohga: Who now, Monk? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Daruk, to eliminate an entire team. 

Sooga: Understood. 

Master Kohga: Got it! 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

(Teba started a private chat) 

(Teba added King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Teba: Team Sheikah voted Master Kohga. If we pool with them, we should be able to get him out. 

King Rhoam: we’re voting Master Kohga, then? 

Teba: Yes. 

(Teba ended the private chat) 

(Impa started a private chat) 

(Impa added Paya to the private chat) 

Impa: Team Rito and Team Goron voted Sooga. If we pool with them, we should be able to get him out. 

Paya: we’re voting Sooga, then? 

Impa: Yes. 

(Impa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 3 votes from Team Zora for Daruk 

Master Kohga: 3 votes from Team Yiga for Daruk 

Teba: 2 votes from Team Rito for Master Kohga 

Impa: 2 votes from Team Rito for Sooga 

Daruk: Sooga 

CharactersChatBot: Daruk has been eliminated! 

(Daruk was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Team Goron has now been completely eliminated as of this round! It is the second team to fall! The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link and Sidon to the private chat) 

Mipha: Who now? 

Link: ♂️🫅 

Mipha: King Rhoam? Sidon, are you alright with that? 

Sidon: Of course! 

Mipha: Understood. 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

(Master Kohga added Sooga and Monk Maz Koshia to the private chat) 

Master Kohga: I suggest King Rhoam… he oppressed the Yiga for a very long time. 

Sooga: I agree. 

Monk Maz Koshia: Very well, I suspect we won’t be the only ones voting him. 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

(Teba started a private chat) 

(Teba added King Rhoam to the private chat) 

Teba: Well sh** Team Sheikah had the same idea 

King Rhoam: what now? 

Teba: back to Sooga, no changing this time 

King Rhoam: alright 

(Teba ended the private chat) 

(Impa started a private chat) 

(Impa added Paya to the private chat) 

Impa: Well sh** Team Rito had the same idea 

Paya: what do we do? 

Impa: they’re probably going back to Sooga, so let’s vote him 

Paya: ok 

(Impa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 3 votes from Team Zora for King Rhoam 

Master Kohga: 3 votes from Team Yiga for King Rhoam 

Teba: 2 votes from Team Rito for Sooga 

Impa: 2 votes from Team Rito for Sooga 

CharactersChatBot: King Rhoam has been eliminated! 

(King Rhoam was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

Teba: I REALLY think Team Zora and Team Yiga are secretly still working together… 

CharactersChatBot: They aren’t! They have just happened to cast the exact same votes these past few rounds! 

Teba: Hmm… 

CharactersChatBot: But anyway, the discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link and Sidon to the private chat) 

Mipha: Who now? 

Link: 😐🐦 

Mipha: Teba? To eliminate a whole team? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Well, alright… Sidon, are you okay with this? 

Sidon: Of course! 

Mipha: Understood. 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

(Master Kohga added Sooga and Monk Maz Koshia to the chat) 

Master Kohga: I think we should vote one of the Sheikah now… 

Sooga: Impa or Paya? 

Master Kohga: yeah, how about… Paya? 

Sooga: Agreed. Monk? 

Monk Maz Koshia: I have no objections. 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

(Impa started a private chat) 

(Impa added Paya to the private chat) 

Impa: Sooga again? 

Paya: ok 

Impa: good 

(Impa ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 3 votes from Team Zora for Teba 

Master Kohga: 3 votes from Team Yiga for Paya 

Teba: Sooga 

Impa: 2 votes from Team Sheikah for Sooga 

CharactersChatBot: Teba, Paya, and Sooga are tied! They have all been eliminated! 

(Teba, Paya, and Sooga were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Team Rito has now been completely eliminated as of this round! It is the third team to fall! The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Link and Sidon to the private chat) 

Mipha: I think we should vote Impa, to finally eliminate another team… 

Link: 👍 

Sidon: Yes! 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

(Master Kohga added Monk Maz Koshia to the private chat) 

Master Kohga: We’re stuck between Team Zora and the others… in any case, we lost Sooga… what do we do now, Monk? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Vote Link. If we can take a member off Team Zora, we’ll have equal numbers again. 

Master Kohga: Great idea! 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 3 votes from Team Zora for Impa 

Master Kohga: 2 votes from Team Yiga for Link 

Impa: Link 

CharactersChatBot: Impa and Link are tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Teba, Paya, and Sooga were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Team Sheikah has now been completely eliminated as of this round! It is the fourth team to fall! The discussion time for the next round begins now! 

(Mipha started a private chat) 

(Mipha added Sidon to the private chat) 

Mipha: Monk Maz Koshia? 

Sidon: Monk Maz Koshia. 

(Mipha ended the private chat) 

(Master Kohga started a private chat) 

Master Kohga: Sidon? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Sidon. 

(Master Kohga ended the private chat) 

CharactersChatBot: Okay, enough time! The next round of the teams elimination game begins now! Team leaders, please step forward to present the votes of your team! 

Mipha: 2 votes from Team Zora for Monk Maz Koshia 

Master Kohga: 2 votes from Team Yiga for Sidon 

CharactersChatBot: Monk Maz Koshia and Sidon are tied! They have both been eliminated! 

(Monk Maz Koshia and Sidon were muted for the rest of the chapter) 

CharactersChatBot: Alright, now… er… 

Mipha: … 

CharactersChatBot: Two remaining members… two remaining teams… 

Master Kohga: We have to decide the winner somehow! 

Mipha: But how…? 

CharactersChatBot: Hmm… 

Mipha: Is it possible for us both to be winners? 

CharactersChatBot: I suppose… if you both agree to it 

Mipha: I do! 

Master Kohga: …fine, but Yiga are the best 

CharactersChatBot: It’s decided, then! 

(everyone was unmuted) 

CharactersChatBot: The results are out! In sixth place we have Team Gerudo. 

Riju: last place, huh 😭 

CharactersChatBot: In fifth place we have Team Goron. 

Daruk: at least we did our best! 

CharactersChatBot: In fourth place we have Team Rito. 

Revali: tch 

CharactersChatBot: And now, for the podium results! In third place we have Team Sheikah. 

Purah: good game and congratulations to those who won! 

CharactersChatBot: And sharing first place, we have Team Zora and Team Yiga! 

Sooga: Glory to Master Kohga! 

Master Kohga: That’s right! 

Sidon: Dear sister, we did it! 

Mipha: We did! 

CharactersChatBot: As the game is over now, I’m going to end the chat! This was fun! 

(CharactersChatBot ended the chat)

Chapter Text

Link: 🤷 

Terrako: 🤷 

Mipha: I’m very kind, sometimes to a fault. 

Daruk: I’m strong, but… dogs… 

Urbosa: My strengths include fighting, with lightning especially, my weaknesses include anything to do with large bodies of water… 

Revali: My strengths include everything, my weaknesses include nothing. 

Urbosa: You mean Mipha, right? 

Revali: shut the F*** up NOW 

Zelda: I, um… I think I have nothing but weaknesses… 

Urbosa: you have your sealing power 

Zelda: I didn’t work to earn that, it just… appeared 

Urbosa: it’s still your strength, own it 

Impa: My strengths include… uh… I guess my Sheikah techniques? Weaknesses… hmm… I’m not very strong, physically. 

Robbie: My strengths include being a genius, my weaknesses include being too much of a genius sometimes… 

Purah: Exactly what Robbie said! The same goes for me! 

King Rhoam: my strengths include being good at governing, my weaknesses include sometimes overestimating myself 

Sidon: My strengths include my energy and optimism, my weaknesses include… uh… let’s not talk about that… 

Mipha: Sidon, are you alright? 

Sidon: Of course! Let’s change the subject! 

Yunobo: my strengths include being good at using Daruk’s protection, my weaknesses include being frightened way too easily… 

Teba: My strengths include my ability to fight from hundreds of meters in the sky, my weaknesses include my inadequate endurance. 

Tulin: whaaaat? your endurance is great though! 

Teba: it’s not where I want it to be… 

Tulin: but anyway, my strengths include fighting, and my weaknesses include figuring out how to not be addicted to my sheikah slate 

Teba: well at least you’re aware of this issue… 

Riju: my strengths include beating Tulin in lightning shoo– 

Tulin: DIE 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Hestu: my strengths include playing my maracas, and my weaknesses include fighting monsters 

Master Kohga: My strengths include all my awesome skills, my weaknesses include being susceptible to mighty banana bribes. 

Sooga: My strengths include my utmost devotion to Master Kohga, my weaknesses include the feelings of inadequacy that follow me everywhere I go… 

Master Kohga: Aw, Sooga… 

Monk Maz Koshia: My strengths include virtually everything, but my age IS catching up to me as of recently… I suppose it would be considered my weakness. 

Master Kohga: It wasn’t catching up to you before!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: No. 

Master Kohga: Damn… 

Paya: My strengths include being kind, and my weaknesses include… Link… 

King Dorephan: My strengths include being good at governing and fighting, my weaknesses include every last miscalculation regarding the calamity… 

Mipha: Father… 

Astor: my strengths include being immortal, my weaknesses include NOTH– 

Ganon: INCORRECT. 

Astor: AAAAAAAAAA– 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

Ganon: MY strengths include being immortal, and MY weaknesses include nothing. 

Link: … 

(Ganon ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Purah started a chat) 

(Purah added Link, Impa, Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, Terrako, and Riju to the chat) 

Purah: heeeeey guys! 

Impa: Purah? What’s this about? 

Purah: I had an idea for renaming people today! 

Daruk: what’s that? 

Purah: we’ll use our names BACKWARDS! 

Revali: What. 

Purah: you’ll see! :3 

(Purah renamed Link Knil) 

(Purah renamed Impa Apmi) 

(Purah renamed Mipha Ahpim) 

(Purah renamed Daruk Kurad) 

(Purah renamed Revali Ilaver) 

(Purah renamed Urbosa Asobru) 

(Purah renamed Zelda Adlez) 

(Purah renamed Sidon Nodis) 

(Purah renamed Yunobo Obonuy) 

(Purah renamed Teba Abet) 

(Purah renamed Tulin Nilut) 

(Purah renamed Terrako Okarret) 

(Purah renamed Riju Ujir) 

(Purah renamed themself Harup) 

Harup: like that! :3 

Apmi: Purah WHAT 

Knil: … 

Adlez: WEIRD 

Ahpim: This word… how do I pronounce it… 

Obonuy: *confused screaming* 

Kurad: wait, wait… this sounds like it could actually be a name… 

Abet: Mine does as well… 

Okarret: … 

Nilut: my name backwards sounds like food :3 

Ujir: mine too :3 

Nodis: Interesting! 

Asobru: HUH 

Ilaver: PUT IT BACK NOW 

Harup: yeah sure, I had my fun, I’ll put them back now 

(Harup renamed themself Purah) 

(Purah reset all names) 

Impa: phew… 

Purah: but aside from that, good day everybody! 

Mipha: I hope everyone’s having a good day :) 

Revali: …thanks 

Tulin: Dad, do you think Master Revali will go see the solar eclipse that’s coming up? 

Teba: I don’t know, Tulin… but maybe… it’s in Hebra, after all… 

Daruk: the what 

Riju: what’s happening 

Teba: There’s a total solar eclipse happening in Hebra a few days from now. 

Tulin: yeah, it’s going right over the peaks! but Rito Village is only getting a partial, so we have to travel a bit to find a better spot to watch :3 

Impa: I think I heard about this on the news… 

Mipha: Oh, yes, I did as well! I’m planning to go, together with Link and Sidon! 

Tulin: awesome, see you there! 

Daruk: Alright, I’m going to make plans to go! Hey, Yunobo, you wanna come? 

Yunobo: yeah, sure! 

Urbosa: why was I never informed of this…? I check the news… 

Revali: I guess you don’t check it ENOUGH, eh? I can’t believe you weren’t aware of this. 

Urbosa: oh, shut it, I bet if it was happening outside Hebra you wouldn’t know a damn thing about it 

Revali: you wouldn’t either, proven by the irrefutable fact that YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THIS UNTIL NOW 

Tulin: Master Revali! Master Revali! Are you going to see the solar eclipse!? 

Revali: …I suppose, why not… I’ll be in the mountains killing some monsters that day anyway 

Tulin: YAAAAAY!!!!! 

Riju: I want to go! Lady Urbosa, may we go? 

Urbosa: yeah, sure, I am interested as well 

Impa: I’ll probably go, as long as Purah and Robbie– 

Purah: oh, don’t worry, sis, we have known about this forever! we were the ones to tell the news broadcasters, anyway! 

(Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: Indeed, we pinpointed when and where the eclipse will be happening! And we’ll be there, studying it! For SCIENCE! 

Impa: alright 

Zelda: Terrako and I will go as well, as you’re all going… 

Terrako: 👍

Purah: Great, see you all in a week! I can’t wait for this! 

(Purah ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Revali started a chat) 

(Revali added Mipha, Sidon, Link, Daruk, Yunobo, Urbosa, Riju, Impa, Zelda, Terrako and Paya to the chat) 

Revali: guys 

Revali: GUYS 

Revali: @everyone GUYS!!!!! 

Daruk: WHAT 

Link: ??? 

Urbosa: what is it, Ravioli 

Revali: My name is REVALI, asinine deep fried camel, but anyway WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU DOING IN RITO VILLAGE!? 

Daruk: man, caps lock much? 

Revali: ANSWER MY QUESTION 

Impa: We’re here for the eclipse… obviously… 

Riju: duh 

Revali: IT’S TOMORROW! Why are you here early!? Leave Rito Village alone! 

Zelda: well, it takes a long time to get here… we didn’t want to miss it, so we came a day early… 

Revali: where are you planning on staying!? the inn only has a few beds! 

Daruk: at your place, of course :D 

Revali: over my dead body 

Daruk: in all seriousness, no, Teba and Tulin, unlike you, are nice enough to let multiple of us sleep at their place 

Revali: hmm, their loss 

(Teba and Tulin joined the chat) 

Teba: yes, it’s true, some of you can sleep there 

Tulin: it’s not like we’re there right now! 

Impa: Where are you two, actually? 

Tulin: We’re in the Hebra Mountains with Purah and Robbie! We’re staying out here for the night, exactly where we’ll be for the eclipse tomorrow! 

(Purah and Robbie joined the chat) 

Purah: yep, they’re with us, little sis! 

Impa: …don’t call me that 

Purah: why not? you ARE my younger sister! 

Impa: you act like the younger one, not me 

Purah: ouch 

Robbie: Anyway, does anyone else want to stay in the mountains for the night, with us? We’ve set up a camp along with our research equipment here! And it’s located at what will be the exact best place to watch the total solar eclipse tomorrow! 

Revali: not me, I’m staying at home, and my door will be locked to everything and everyone 

(Revali left the chat) 

Purah: …anyone? 

Impa: Paya, Zelda, Terrako, and I have already made plans to spend the night at Teba and Tulin’s place 

Daruk: Yunobo and I, unfortunately, already reserved beds in the inn, but maybe next time! 

Urbosa: unfortunately, Riju and I also have beds at the inn 

Mipha: well, Link, Sidon, and I were planning to stay in Rito Village, but… 

Link: 🏔️🏔️🏔️!!! 

Mipha: …it sounds like Link wants to sleep in the mountains… 

Sidon: I’m sure it’ll be amazing! These mountains are beautiful! 

Link: 👍👍👍 

Robbie: Well, you three are welcome to stay with us! You could even take the cabin, if you want! 

Link: 😁 

Mipha: Alright then… let’s head to the mountains. But how will we make it there before sundown…? 

Teba: Tulin and I can help fly you there 

Tulin: yep! :D 

Mipha: Oh, that’s kind of you. Thank you ^-^ 

Purah: well, see you all tomorrow! I’ll end the chat for now! 

(Purah ended the chat) 

*the next morning* 

(Purah started a chat) 

(Purah added Robbie, Teba, Tulin, Link, Mipha, and Sidon to the chat) 

Purah: good morning everyone! 

Robbie: Good morning indeed, it’s the day of the eclipse! 

Teba: Only a few hours to go… 

Robbie: And we’re at the best place for eclipse viewing in the entire path of totality! 

Sidon: Indeed, over three minutes, with skies as clear as water from the pristine sanctum! 

Link: 😁 

Tulin: I wonder when everyone else is going to get over here! 

Mipha: I wonder as well… 

Purah: let’s ask them! 

(Purah added Impa, Zelda, Terrako, Paya, Daruk, Yunobo, Urbosa, and Riju to the chat) 

Purah: where are you guys at? :3 

Impa: Purah, we just woke up… 

Robbie: but you wouldn’t want to miss the eclipse! 

Zelda: the eclipse is in the afternoon… it’s morning… we’ve got hours to go, still… 

Purah: it’ll take you hours to get to where we are! 

Impa: about that… we’ve decided to watch it from the secret springs instead 

Zelda: yes, from sturnida secret hot spring 

Purah: whaaaaat????? why!? 

Paya: yes, it’s more accessible, while still getting a full eclipse 

Terrako: 👍 

Purah: Daruk, Yunobo, Urbosa, Riju, what about you? 

Daruk: we’re going with them, a secret hot spring sounds like the PERFECT place to observe a total solar eclipse from! 

Yunobo: yes! 

Urbosa: we are also accompanying them to the hot spring 

Riju: I’ve never been to a hot spring before but they sound fun too! 

Impa: you said the sturnida secret hot spring was in the path of totality, right, Purah? 

Purah: it is… but only for a minute, nowhere near the amount of time we’re getting… and clear skies aren’t a guarantee… 

Impa: okay, so, we’re still getting time in totality, just not as much as you 

Zelda: the sky also may be covered for part of the time, but I’m sure we’ll be alright 

Purah: well, suit yourselves… I guess… 

Tulin: I wonder what Master Revali’s doing! 

Teba: uh… Tulin… 

(Tulin added Revali to the chat) 

Teba: wait– 

Tulin: @Revali where are you going for the eclipse????? :D 

Revali: in the mountains, busy killing monsters, what tf do you want!? 

Tulin: oh right, that’s where you said you would be! are you close to where we are!? 

Revali: absolutely no clue, don’t care 

(Revali left the chat) 

Tulin: … 

Teba: Can’t say I didn’t expect that… 

Mipha: wait, I think… I see a blue Rito flying close to where we are… shooting bomb arrows at an enemy camp 

Purah: that’s probably him, meaning at the very least, he won’t be missing the eclipse! 

Robbie: But anyway, we have to prepare for the solar eclipse now! Let’s check in again a bit later! 

(Robbie ended the chat) 

*later* 

(Robbie started a chat) 

(Robbie added Purah, Teba, Tulin, Link, Mipha, and Sidon to the chat) 

Robbie: In our location, the partial is progressing! Put on your special eclipse viewing goggles, glasses, or whatever you brought! Just over an hour from now is TOTALITY! 

Tulin: I don’t see anything else, it looks just as blinding as usual :( 

Teba: Tulin. Put your eclipse glasses on. NOW. 

Tulin: aw, fine… I still don’t see anything being different 

Mipha: I have my eclipse glasses on, but… it doesn’t look different at all to me either. 

Purah: well, right now, only around 10% of the sun is covered, you won’t notice it yet… but soon! 

Sidon: I see! 

Purah: Let’s see where the others are at! 

(Purah added Impa, Zelda, Terrako, Paya, Daruk, Yunobo, Urbosa, and Riju to the chat) 

Purah: where are you guys at now? :3 

Impa: we’re at sturnida, right where we’ll be for the eclipse 

Robbie: are you aware it’s technically already begun? 

Zelda: oh, right, I’m going to watch it through my eclipse glasses 

Daruk: I’ve got mine on! I’m watching the sun closely from my comfy spot in the water! Aaaaahhhhh… this is the life! Eh, Yunobo? 

Yunobo: Oh, yes, for sure, these springs are as good as the ones on Death Mountain! There’s much more room too– the ones on Death Mountain are always crowded, but this one’s SECRET! 

Urbosa: yes, it’s great, particularly for healing battle wounds we acquired on the way here 

Riju: hot springs are so fun to swim in! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat) 

Mipha: Wh– wha– you all are here now…? 

Urbosa: The Yiga appeared? Where? Wait– ALL? 

Mipha: They just teleported to where Purah, Robbie, Link, Sidon, Teba, Tulin, and I are… and not just Master Kohga and Sooga, but all sorts of Yiga soldiers… 

Urbosa: HUH 

Master Kohga: Eh!? Why are you people here!? 

Purah: we could ask you the same 

Master Kohga: We’re here for the eclipse, OBVIOUSLY! 

Robbie: You too? 

Master Kohga: Of COURSE!!! 

Sooga: It is Yiga tradition to watch all eclipses, both lunar and solar, from the best place to view them. We have been doing this since the very beginning of the Yiga Clan. 

Purah: oh, really? awesome! 

Sooga: Of course. To not do so would be a great disrespect to the Lord of Bananas. 

Urbosa: why’s that? 

Master Kohga: [CENSORED]

*later* 

Robbie: Only about ten minutes left until totality in our location now! 

Tulin: WOOOOO!!!!! 

(Revali joined the chat) 

Revali: I’m taking a break from killing monsters to watch the total eclipse 

Tulin: WOOOOO!!!!! x2 

Revali: … 

Tulin: I’m happy you’re watching with us :3 

Mipha: I am as well. It’s spectacular! Only a sliver of the sun is left, and it’s about to be completely covered! 

Sidon: It looked like a crescent sun, now it looks like a tiny sliver indeed! 

Link: 👀👀👀 

Zelda: it’ll be later where we are, but keep us posted! 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: it’s NOW where I am! 

Zelda: huh? 

Astor: yes, indeed! I am the first one to get totality, and in the moon’s shadow, I will summon the calamity once again! 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: You are wrong, Astor. I was in totality before you. And I will continue to be. 

Astor: *confused screaming* 

Master Kohga: Monk, you’re watching it too? I mean– I’d expect you would be… 

Monk Maz Koshia: Indeed, and I will be receiving over an hour… in TOTALITY. 

Astor: IMPOSSIBLE! 

Monk Maz Koshia: It is indeed possible. 

Purah: W– wait, for once, I agree with him, actually… totality only lasts a maximum of some MINUTES in any specific location… 

Monk Maz Koshia: Yes, in any specific location. But I am going to be in all those locations when they are getting totality. 

Zelda: what!? how!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: I am following the moon’s shadow, and I will continue to follow it throughout the whole total solar eclipse. 

Impa: Wait, but– you’d need to travel at approximately… 2500 kilometers per hour! 

Monk Maz Koshia: 2595 kilometers per hour, to be precise. 

Impa: MY POINT EXACTLY 

Monk Maz Koshia: I can go faster than 3000 kilometers per hour 

Robbie: Wow, that’s… amazing… how intriguing! 

Monk Maz Koshia: I’ll be able to travel more efficiently if I am not texting you all. I shall take my leave. 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Astor: no matter, even if I’m not the first, I will be the last! Calamity Ganon and I will pillage the world together under the moon’s shadow! NOW RISE, CALAMITY GANON! 

(Ganon joined the chat) 

(Astor was disconnected from the chat) 

(Ganon left the chat) 

Impa: …what happened there? 

Purah: no clue! BUT ANYWAY– ECLIPSE TIME! 

Robbie: only a few seconds to go… 

Purah: and… 

Robbie: IT’S GONE!!!!!!!!!! 

Purah: YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!! 

Tulin: Dad can I take my eclipse glasses off????? 

Teba: Well, yes… but ONLY while we’re in total– 

Tulin: YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! 

Sidon: This is a truly spectacular sight! 

Revali: …it’s okay I guess… 

Mipha: It’s beautiful… 

Link: 🤩 

Master Kohga: I FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD OF BANANAS! 

Sooga: YES! 

Master Kohga: I also feel the presence of… the monk!? 

Sooga: He must’ve just passed by… 

Master Kohga: Ah, yes, he said he would… let’s follow him! Come on, Yiga Clan! 

Sooga: Understood! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Revali: now that totality is over here, I’m leaving 

(Revali left the chat) 

Robbie: Oh, Revali… but REAL ones stay and watch the partial through to the end! 

Purah: you’re right! who’s with Robbie and I? 

Tulin: im bored I wanna go home now 

Teba: T– Tulin… I guess I have no choice but to go, then… 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

Robbie: … 

Purah: …anyone? 

Mipha: I suppose Link, Sidon, and I could stay and watch… we’ve already reserved beds at the inn for tonight. 

Purah: aw, yeah! you guys are real ones! gimme a click, snap! 

Mipha: Um… click, snap…? 

Purah: YESSSSS THAT’S MY GIRL 

Mipha: ??? 

Impa: it’s almost time for totality in our location… 

Zelda: I can’t wait!!!!! 

Daruk: awesome! 

Zelda: oh! OH! IT’S GONE! 

Daruk: AWESOME! 

Riju: WHOAAAAA!!!!! 

Urbosa: it’s beautiful, just as expected! 

Paya: W– wow… 

Zelda: and just like that, totality is over… would you like to all stay and watch the partial? I know I will… 

Urbosa: unfortunately, Riju and I will have to go now… we didn’t get beds at the inn tonight, so we have to get home as fast as we can 

Riju: bye everybody!!!!! 

(Urbosa and Riju left the chat) 

Paya: I should go back to Kakariko Village… 

Impa: I should as well. Bye! 

(Paya and Impa left the chat) 

Zelda: …anyone? 

Daruk: I’ll stay! I’m in no rush to get out of this water! 

Yunobo: me too! 

Zelda: wonderful, and it seems Terrako will stay as well! 

*later* 

Purah: phoo, the partial is over now too! 

Zelda: it’s over in our location as well! Terrako and I will be going now! goodbye everybody! 

(Zelda and Terrako left the chat) 

Daruk: unfortunately, us Gorons have to run, but we’ll hopefully be back pretty soon! 

Yunobo: bye everybody! 

(Daruk and Yunobo left the chat) 

Purah: when Robbie and I are finished packing up, we’ll be heading out too! 

Robbie: Indeed! 

Mipha: W– wait! 

Purah: huh? what is it? 

Mipha: Well, it’s just… Teba and Tulin helped bring Sidon, Link, and I up here. We need their help to make it back to Rito Village in time for bed! 

Purah: oh, right… 

(Purah added Teba and Tulin to the chat) 

Teba: What’s going on…? 

Purah: hey, sorry to bother you guys, but could you please help Mipha, Sidon, and Link get back to Rito Village? you brought them here… 

Teba: Oh, right, of course… come on, Tulin. 

Tulin: I’m playing games… 

Teba: You can keep playing games when we get back. 

Tulin: fiiiiine… 

Teba: Everyone, we’re on our way. 

Purah: GREAT! Purah out! 

(Purah left the chat) 

Robbie: Robbie out! 

(Robbie left the chat) 

*later* 

Mipha: Thank you for bringing us back! 

Teba: No problem. This is where you’re going, right? The inn? 

Link: 👍 

Tulin: Daaaaad, can we go home and play games now? 

Teba: *sighs* fine 

Tulin: YAY! :D 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

Mipha: Okay, now to check in… 

(Mipha added RitoVillageInnBot to the chat) 

Mipha: Hello there! We’re here to check in for tonight… 

RitoVillageInnBot: Ah, yes! What is your name? 

Mipha: Mipha! 

RitoVillageInnBot: Understood, please proceed to the two beds on the left! 

Mipha: Thank you very mu– wait, TWO!? 

RitoVillageInnBot: Yes, two single person beds! Is that not what you reserved? 

Mipha: Well… no… we reserved THREE single person beds! 

RitoVillageInnBot: I see! Well, unfortunately, there HAVE been some mysterious errors in the system lately. I apologize for that. 

Mipha: Is there another bed available…? 

RitoVillageInnBot: Unfortunately, there isn’t! When system errors happen and reservations are overlapped, all we’re able to do is fall back on a first come, first served system! And other people have already arrived to claim the other beds! 

Link: 🖕 

Sidon: I… what? 

Mipha: … 

RitoVillageInnBot: Don’t worry, we’ll give you a full refund! Oh, and a voucher to sleep here for free in the future after we’ve fixed all the errors! 

Mipha: But that’s not the point! We came all the way from Zora’s Domain! We need somewhere to sleep! 

Link: 🧍⬇️🌿? 

Mipha: No, Link, you’re not sleeping on the ground. 

Sidon: I could sleep on the ground! 

Mipha: You’re not either– we’re going to find a way for us all to sleep on a bed! 

RitoVillageInnBot: The beds are quite large, meant for Rito use. Perhaps you and the Hylian could fit on one of them? 

Link: 👍💡

Mipha: Oh… um… maybe? But we’d be squished… 

Sidon: Perhaps we can ask Teba if we can sleep at his place? 

Mipha: I… well… they already flew us back… I feel like it’d be rude to ask for more… 

Sidon: Oh, I know! Revali’s home has a lot of space! Why not ask him? 

Link: … 

Mipha: Um… Sidon… 

Sidon: Yes, sister? 

Mipha: Well, you know Revali… yes? 

Sidon: Yes! The Rito champion! 

Mipha: W– well… he values… personal space. He isn’t very welcoming. I don’t think he’d be happy about us asking him that. 

Sidon: He has plenty of space, and it’s worth a try! Don’t you think? 

Mipha: I mean… I guess we could ASK… 

Sidon: Yes, that’s the spirit! 

(Sidon added Revali to the chat) 

Revali: !? 

Sidon: Hello, Revali! 

Revali: Sidon. What is it? Why did you add me to your chat? 

Sidon: We wanted to ask a favor of you! 

Mipha: Revali, just… please read up… 

Revali: … 

Revali: …… 

Revali: ……… 

Mipha: Well…? 

Revali: It depends on which one of you would be staying here. 

Mipha: Wait, what…? I’m surprised you didn’t shut us down immedia– 

Revali: I am ABSOLUTELY NOT letting Link into my home. 

Mipha: …I see 

Link: 🏨🛏️=👍, 🐦🪹=👎 

Mipha: He’s saying he’d rather sleep in the inn than your… um… home, anyway. 

Revali: THAT F***ING BIRD NEST IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY HOME!? LISTEN HERE, YOU– 

Mipha: REVALI! We understand, and we won’t ask you to host him. But would you be okay with me sleeping at your house? 

Revali: …fine 

Mipha: Alright, once Link and Sidon are in bed, I’ll come up to your place! 

Revali: fine, whatever 

(Revali left the chat) 

Link: ……… 

Link: 😡 

Mipha: Link? What’s wrong? 

Link: ♥️🐟→🐦🪹=👎! ♥️🐟→🛏️🏨=👍! 

Mipha: …you want me to sleep in the inn, not at Revali’s home. Is that it? 

Link: 👍👍👍 

Mipha: …I see… but that is what we managed to get him to agree to… 

Sidon: I’m sure it’ll be fine if I go! He only said that Link couldn’t stay with him! He didn’t say anything about either of us! Meaning it’s the same if I go! 

Mipha: Uh… well… 

Link: 🙏🙏🙏 

Sidon: Please, sister? 

Mipha: …I suppose it should be alright… 

Link: 😁👍 

Mipha: Well then… good night everyone! I’ll end the chat for us to go to bed. 

(Mipha ended the chat) 

*later* 

(Revali started a chat) 

(Revali added Mipha to the chat) 

Revali: @Mipha MIPHA!!!!! 

Mipha: W– wha? I’m in bed… 

Revali: Why aren’t you here!? Why is Sidon here instead!? 

Mipha: Oh, right… Link insisted on having me sleep in the inn bed, so we sent Sidon up! 

Revali: SCREW LINK! This isn’t what we agreed on! 

Mipha: I’m sorry. I don’t see the issue, though? After all, it’s not like we sent Link. And Link is the only person you wouldn’t allow there, right? 

Revali: ………!!!!! 

Mipha: I promise, he may be optimistic and full of energy during the day, but he doesn’t make any noise at night. He’s a peaceful person to sleep in the same room as! I wish you both a good night! 

(Mipha left the chat) 

Revali: screw EVERYTHING 

(Revali ended the chat) 

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Revali, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: I have a game to suggest for today, fellow champions! 

Revali: ugh… what is it? 

Daruk: Never have I ever! 

Urbosa: oh, that game… I played it a lot as a kid 

Mipha: I know it too! 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: Revali, you know how to play, right? 

Revali: …yes, but I don’t want to 

Mipha: It shouldn’t take too long. Please play with us? 

Revali: …FINE… 

Daruk: Okay, so, everyone gets five lives in this one! Is that okay? 

Link: 👍 

Urbosa: who wants to go first? 

Revali: not me 

Mipha: I’ll go! Is that alright? 

Daruk: Of course, Mipha! 

Mipha: Never have I ever gotten drunk! 

Daruk: huh 

Urbosa: you’ve NEVER been drunk before??? EVER????? 

Mipha: Yes! In fact, I’ve only tried drinking a few times. I didn’t like it very much. 

Urbosa: I guess I shouldn’t expect anything else, you always appear to be the epitome of purity… 

Daruk: true, I can’t even imagine what drunk Mipha would look like! 

Urbosa: but anyway, I’ve definitely been drunk… 

Daruk: I have to 

Link: 👍😅 

Revali: …yes, unfortunately 

Mipha: Oh, wow… 

Urbosa: everyone’s down to four lives! 

Mipha: er, sorry guys… 

Daruk: No need to apologize! Anyway, I’ll go next! Never have I ever… snuck into Gerudo Town! 

Revali: liar, you’ve been to Gerudo Town 

Daruk: oh, yeah, I didn’t need to sneak in though 

Revali: …what 

Daruk: yeah, they let all Gorons into town indiscriminately 😁 

Revali: …why… 

Daruk: something something they can’t tell the gender 

Revali: I mean, I can’t tell the gender of a rock either 

Daruk: alright SQUARE UP 

Revali: but anyway, I haven’t illegally snuck in either… I went once, but it was when Urbosa dared me to, and I wasn’t sneaking in, I flew in 

Urbosa: LMFAO right that was absolutely HILARIOUS 

Revali: I still need to get back at you for that, thanks for reminding me 

Mipha: I haven’t ever snuck in, obviously, since I’m a girl… 

Link: 😅 

Mipha: You have though, right Link? 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: the little guy’s down to three lives… 

Revali: I’ll go next. 

Urbosa: why do I have a bad feeling about this… 

Revali: Never have I ever wielded the master sword! 

Daruk: aw, come on! 

Urbosa: really, Ravioli? 

Revali: WHAT!? I’VE NEVER WIELDED IT! 

Urbosa: It’s like you’re TRYING to get him out! 

Revali: Daruk did too, he picked something only Link has done before! 

Mipha: …Revali has a point there. 

Revali: See!? Mipha agrees! The rest of you all SUCK! 

Mipha: Let’s just move on… Link, do you want to go now? 

Link: 👍 

Mipha: Go ahead. 

Link: 🧍🙅🍽️🐈 

Mipha: …he’s saying he has never eaten a cat before. I haven’t either. 

Urbosa: um… no???? why WOULD I 😭 

Revali: Good question… I haven’t either, and I doubt they’d be nutritious… 

Urbosa: Daruk, what about you? 

Daruk: … 

Mipha: Daruk? You’ve been awfully quiet… 

Daruk: er… 

Urbosa: Daruk? Don’t tell me you’ve eaten a cat… 

Daruk: …um, well… I’ve eaten five, actually… 

Mipha: FIVE!? 

Daruk: …yeah, all in one go, too… 

Revali: IN ONE GO!? 

Daruk: THEY WERE TOO SMALL TO ONLY EAT ONE 

Urbosa: OMFH SO THEY WERE KITTENS?????????? 

Daruk: they were what? 

Urbosa: BABY CATS, DARUK 

Daruk: I GUESS?????????? 

Urbosa: DARUK HOW COULD YOU 

Urbosa: YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A CHAMPION ANYMORE 

Link: 🤔 

Mipha: … 

Revali: This is getting good! 😏🍿 

Daruk: PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN PLEASEEEEE 

Urbosa: GO AHEAD, YOU HAD BETTER HAVE A GOOD STORY FOR US 

Daruk: Okay, so… I was in Tarrey Town, helping Yunobo finalize a partnership between YunoboCo and Hudson Construction… 

Urbosa: go on… 

Daruk: and, at one of the stores, there was a guy selling cats… 

Urbosa: oh dearest hylia 

Daruk: It was the first time I had seen anything like them, but I thought they’d be food, I mean, how could they possibly not be? 

Urbosa: everything is food to you, Daruk 

Daruk: But ANYWAY, I needed to eat lunch, and so while Yunobo was chatting Hudson’s ear off, I went over to the store… 

Urbosa: AND????? 

Daruk: The cats were small, and so I bought five! 

Urbosa: AND!?!?!?!?!? 

Daruk: and I ATE them? What sort of question– 

Urbosa: YOU JUST ATE THEM!? CHOWED DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF TARREY TOWN!? 

Daruk: …yes????? I was HUNGRY 😩 

Urbosa: RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE POOR MERCHANT!? 

Daruk: uh… yeah? I guess that’s not very normal though…? 

Urbosa: no, Daruk… it’s HORRIFYING 

Daruk: oh… OH… well that explains the look I was getting from the merchant while eating them… 

Urbosa: … 

Daruk: … 

Urbosa: I can’t believe that I’m asking this… but what were they like? To eat? 

Daruk: they were a bit… furry for my taste… but tasted great 👍 

Link: 🤔🤔🤔 

Mipha: Link, are you… thinking what I think you’re thinking? 

Link: 🐈=😋…? 

Urbosa: NO, Link, absolutely NOT 

Link: 🪨🗣️👍 

Mipha: Well, remember Daruk also eats rocks, and lava… 

Daruk: lava cream, actually 

Urbosa: same difference, Mipha has a point 

Mipha: Let’s… um… continue the never have I ever game. 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: yeah, sure 

Urbosa: agreed 👍 

Revali: that sucks, I was enjoying watching Urbosa bully someone other than me for once 

Daruk: I lost a life for Link’s cat thing, whose turn is it now? 

Urbosa: I’m the only one who hasn’t gone yet, so it’s my turn 

Daruk: go ahead 

Urbosa: never have I ever eaten DOGS in my life, aside from wolves– Daruk, have you also eaten dogs or are you clear? and again, wolves DON’T count 

Daruk: oh HECK no, I am not going ANYWHERE NEAR a dog 

Urbosa: oh, okay, this should be an easy one then, with no one losing a life 

Revali: I’ve hunted wolves but I’ve never even TOUCHED a dog 

Mipha: … 

Urbosa: Mipha? You okay? 

Mipha: Er… well… 

Urbosa: …Mipha, don’t tell us that you, our princess of purity, has– 

Mipha: Um, no, I haven’t… I’ve eaten wolf meat before, but nothing from domesticated canines… 

Urbosa: okay, so, why the unease? 

Mipha: well, it’s just… Link will have to go down to one life… 

Urbosa: … 

Revali: what 

Daruk: WHAT 

Link: 😅 

Urbosa: LINK. IS THIS TRUE????? 

Link: …👍😅 

Urbosa: LINK!!!!!!!!!! 

Revali: This is getting good! 

Mipha: I’m worried for him… 

Revali: I’m not 😏🍿 

Mipha: … 

Revali: oh, come on, if he truly is the hero of the master sword, surely he can handle an angry Gerudo champion 🙂 

Urbosa: Link, how many dogs have you eaten…? 

Link: 1️⃣ 

Urbosa: …okay, BUT STILL, how and WHY!?!?!?!?!? 

Mipha: Um, Urbosa… is it okay if I explain it for him? I was present when it occurred. 

Urbosa: sure, I don’t understand his emoji strings most of the time anyway 

Mipha: Okay, so… we were at a stable. Link was very hungry. He was in his dark Link costume, and the stable’s Hylian retriever was getting aggressive because of that. It was acting almost the same way wolves do, which is what led to what happened next. Link shot it with arrows and killed it. And then, to not let the meat go to waste, he ate it. 

Urbosa: …… 

Daruk: I KNEW it! I KNEW that dogs were hiding aggression and malice beneath the surface! 

Urbosa: Daruk, that wasn’t the po– 

Daruk: I DON’T CARE! IT PROVES MY POINT!!!!! THEY ALWAYS CHASED AFTER ME WHEN I WAS A KID!!!!! I KNEW I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE!!!!! I KNEW I WASN’T GOING INSANE!!!!! Anyway, good on you for killing it, little guy!!!!! HOW WAS IT????? 

Link: 😋 

Daruk: LINK, YOU TRULY DO POSSESS THE TRIFORCE OF COURAGE!!!!! 

Urbosa: …let’s continue the game 

Mipha: Yes, right… I went first, so it’s my turn… never have I ever spoken ill of Link behind his back. 

Revali: … 

Daruk: oh damn 

Urbosa: …we’re all gonna have to take a life off for this one 😅 

Daruk: except for Mipha and Link 

Link: 😁👍 

Daruk: …I’m down to two lives, just like Link, now 

Urbosa: shouldn’t have eaten those cats, smh 

Daruk: -_- 

Mipha: Who is going now? 

Daruk: It is my turn! Never have I ever consumed a noble pursuit! 

Urbosa: Daruk why 😭 

Daruk: revenge 😈 

Urbosa: welp that’s a life off Revali and I 

Daruk: you’re both at the same level as Link and I now 😈 

Revali: And meanwhile, Mipha hasn’t lost a single life… 

Urbosa: all it means is that her life is the epitome of boringness /j 

Mipha: …??? 😥 

Urbosa: IT WAS A JOKE IM SORRY I PUT THE /J BECAUSE OF THAT 

Mipha: …oh okay 

Urbosa: who’s next? 

Revali: apparently it’s my turn 

Urbosa: oh hylia 

Revali: never have I ever… eaten a voltfruit! 

Link: -_- 

Urbosa: REVALI 

Revali: I know for a fact Urbosa and Link will lose a life on this one 

Daruk: guys, you know… the point of this game is learning more about each other, not doing our best to take each other down 

Urbosa: says the guy who just did something to bring Revali and I down 

Daruk: …good point 

Urbosa: anyway, have you eaten a voltfruit, Daruk? 

Daruk: …I have 

Revali: I took a life off all of you, then, except for Mipha 

Mipha: Oh, no, you took a life off me too… 

Revali: …what? 

Mipha: I have eaten voltfruit before 

Revali: When????? 

Mipha: Once when I was in the desert with Link, we had voltfruits to get extra electricity resistance ^-^ 

Revali: … 

Urbosa: uh oh Ravioli, you’re the first to take a life off Mipha, the love of– 

Revali: SHUT THE F*** UP NOW 

Mipha: But anyway, um… it’s Link’s turn now. 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: go ahead, little guy! 

Link: 🧍🙅🪰🪽 

Mipha: …he’s saying he hasn't flown with wings. I haven’t either. 

Urbosa: uh… no???? 

Daruk: nope, sounds cool though! 

Revali: … 

Revali: f*** you for targeting me 

Urbosa: you’re down to 1 life Ravioli, just like the rest of us (except for Mipha) 

Revali: shut up asinine deep fried camel, and I’ll get you back for this Link 

Urbosa: anyway it’s my turn… never have I ever joined the Yiga Clan 

Revali: I haven’t either 

Mipha: Me neither! 

Daruk: yeah same 

Urbosa: alright, we all– oh, wait, Link has to answer 

Link: … 

Urbosa: …Link? 

Link: 😅 

Urbosa: Link, have you joined the Yiga clan before? 

Link: …👍 

Urbosa: …… 

Link: ……… 

Urbosa: why am I not even surprised 

Daruk: but anyway, you’re out, little guy! 

Link: 👍 

(Link was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

Mipha: … 

Urbosa: I had a feeling he’d be the first to get out 

Daruk: well yeah, he’s done EVERYTHING 

Urbosa: except eat cats, which YOU DID 

Daruk: are you gonna remember this forever 

Urbosa: yes 

Daruk: 😭 

Revali: …whose turn is it now? 

Mipha: It’s… um… mine. But I don’t know what to put. 

Urbosa: just say something random you’ve never done 

Mipha: Hmm… never have I ever ridden a sand seal! 

Urbosa: …maybe not that– 

Revali: you’re out, asinine deep fried camel 

Daruk: I’m out as well, I’ve ridden them before 

Revali: you’ve WHAT 

Daruk: I’ve ridden a sand seal! 

Urbosa: HOW ON EARTH COULD ONE OF THOSE THINGS PULL YOUR WEIGHT 

Daruk: how could they not? they’re a lot bigger than me 

Urbosa: they’re literally not 

Revali: even I know that and I’ve never ridden one before 

Urbosa: Daruk, there’s no way! If Revali and I agree on something, it CAN’T be wrong! 

Daruk: Y’ALL SUCK I TOOK A VIDEO TO PROVE IT 

Urbosa: SEND IT NOW 

Daruk: YEAH GOT IT *sends* 

Urbosa: … 

Revali: … 

Mipha: … 

Daruk: SEE????? They can grow huge and have tons of energy and strength! 

Urbosa: Daruk. 

Daruk: enough that it attacked me afterward and I had to ki– 

Urbosa: DARUK. 

Daruk: WHAT!? 

Urbosa: THAT’S A MOLDUGA. 

Daruk: What. 

Urbosa: MOLDUGA. NOT SAND SEAL. 

Daruk: … 

Urbosa: OH MY F***ING HYLIA DARUK 

Daruk: …that’s what a molduga looks– 

Urbosa: YES!!!!!!!!!! 

Daruk: …… 

Urbosa: YOU ARE INSANE YOU KNOW THAT 

Daruk: ……… 

Urbosa: FIRST THE CATS THEN THIS!?!?!?!?!? 

Mipha: This has turned out to be a very… chaotic… never have I ever game. 

Revali: You can say that again. Anyway Urbosa’s out. But Daruk isn’t, unless he’s ridden an actual sand seal. 

Daruk: …I guess I haven’t…? 

Urbosa: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT 

(Urbosa was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

Daruk: um… anyway, it’s my turn… 

Revali: Go. 

Daruk: never have I ever pulled an all-nighter working on something 

Mipha: I have, I guess I lose a life then… 

Revali: …I have, guess that means I’m out 

Daruk: damn, guys, get to bed! 

Revali: work is more important 

Daruk: CARING FOR YOURSELF IS MORE IMPORTANT 

Mipha: …I agree, but sometimes work takes over… 

Daruk: DAMN 

Mipha: It would be Revali’s turn next, but he’s out, meaning… it’s my turn. 

(Revali was muted for the rest of the chapter) 

Mipha: Never have I ever… let’s see… eaten lava? 

Daruk: … 

Mipha: Oh, Daruk, lava cream doesn’t count, only regular lava. You should still be in, right? 

Daruk: … 

Mipha: Daruk…? 

Daruk: I’m out. 

Mipha: …seriously? EVEN excluding lava cream? And all goron foods related to lava? 

Daruk: yeah, as a kid, I thought it looked yummy, and one time… um… yeah… 

Mipha: … 

Mipha: I agree with the others now. 

Mipha: You ARE insane. 

(everyone was unmuted) 

Urbosa: I have no words, Daruk 

Revali: Mipha won, then. 

Link: ♥️🐟👏 

Mipha: Aw, thanks, Link! 

Daruk: Mipha finishes with 3 lives! I was the second last one alive! Revali was third! Urbosa was fourth! And the little guy was fifth! 

Link: 🥲 

Mipha: It’s fine, Link, it’s just a game! 

Link: 😁👍 

(Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: heeeeey everyone! 

Mipha: Oh, hi Robbie. 

Daruk: what’s up? 

Robbie: A regular sky right now, but a week from today, A TOTAL LUNAR ECLIPSE! 

Revali: What. 

Mipha: Oh, yeah! Link and I can’t wait to watch it! 

Urbosa: you already knew????? 

Mipha: Yes, the moon is important to Zora! Of course we would look forward to the day when a lunar eclipse would occur! 

Daruk: what happens in a lunar eclipse, exactly…? 

Mipha: The earth gets between the sun and the moon, causing the light of the moon to dim and glow a bright red! 

Link: 👍😁 

Daruk: …isn’t that a blood moon? 

Revali: … 

Urbosa: … 

Mipha: It’s not the same thing, no. 

Robbie: She is correct, blood moons mimic total lunar eclipses, but are not the same thing. Blood moons are caused by Ganon’s malice, while total lunar eclipses are caused by SCIENCE! 

Link: 👍 

Daruk: I see! Interesting! 

Urbosa: where will it be? 

Robbie: The entire northern half of Hyrule! The earth is much larger than the moon, so you don’t need to worry about getting to a particular spot! 

Revali: Oh, good, I can watch from home. Alone. That’s all I need to hear. 

(Revali left the chat) 

Robbie: … 

Mipha: He’s right though, the only person here who needs to travel is Urbosa. 

Urbosa: I’ll manage, I’m used to travelling… 

Mipha: You can come to Zora’s Domain, if you want! 

Urbosa: It’ll be alright for me to crash there? 

Mipha: Of course! ^-^ 

Urbosa: Thank you, Mipha 🤗 

Link: …🗡️

Urbosa: oop gotta go bye 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Daruk: I should go too! Can’t wait for the lunar eclipse, though! I’m gonna tell all the Gorons! 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Mipha: Link and I were already planning to watch, which I guess means we’ll all watch the total lunar eclipse! 

Robbie: Great, see you all in a week! I can’t wait for this! 

(Robbie ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Mipha started a chat) 

(Mipha added Link, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Impa, Terrako, Purah, Robbie, Zelda, Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, Riju, Paya, and King Dorephan to the chat) 

Mipha: Greetings, everyone! 

Purah: Oh, hey, Mipha! Today’s the day! 

Mipha: Indeed it is! We’re holding a festival at Zora’s Domain :) 

Sidon: Yes! Our father and Link are here as well! 

King Dorephan: Greetings. 

Link: 👋😁 

Urbosa: Riju and I made the trip to Zora’s Domain, so we’re also here, and every bit was worth it! This festival is spectacular! 

Riju: YES! 

Daruk: We’re holding our own festivities here in Goron City! 

Purah: That’s awesome! Robbie and I are at Lookout Landing, preparing to study the eclipse once it’s full! 

Robbie: We are! 

Purah: Has everyone eaten dinner? Because we’re in for a long night! 

Robbie: Indeed, the eclipse will be full at 3:23 in the morning! 

Purah: Still over six hours to go! 

King Dorephan: Everyone at Zora’s Domain has had a good dinner. I personally made sure of it. 

Purah: Good, good! What about everyone else? 

Daruk: Us Gorons are eating like Gorondians right now! We’re stuffing ourselves with prime rock roast, and afterward, for dessert… 

Yunobo: …A WHOLE PILE OF RIPENED FLINT! 

Purah: Splendid! Everyone else? 

Revali: I ate fine, food I cooked myself, of course… I don’t trust any other food. 

Urbosa: was it a whole bunch of ravioli? 

Revali: f*** you, and no, it was chicken 

Urbosa: oh, so cannibalism then 

Revali: I will throw you off a several klick tall cliff 

Purah: Ooh! I didn’t know you cooked, Revali! 

Revali: Of course I do! How else would I get my food!? Especially after what Teba’s child gremlin did to me that one time! 

Teba: I once again apologize for Tulin’s behavior… 

Tulin: I don’t! :D 

Teba: TULIN. 

Tulin: sorry, sorry… I was joking, sheesh… I apologize too 

Revali: hmpf 

Purah: …but anyway, I guess you guys are at Rito Village? 

Teba: yes, Tulin and I are at home 

Revali: I’m home alone. Obviously. My door is locked to everyone and everything. 

Purah: I see! 

Mipha: You are all welcome to come to Zora’s Domain, if you’d like :) 

Revali: …I’m too tired to fly somewhere before the eclipse… 

Mipha: Well, that’s also understandable. 

Sidon: Urbosa, NO! Where did you even get those!? This was supposed to be a drink free festival! 

Mipha: Sidon? What’s– 

Urbosa: Oh WEEEAAAALLLY, WAVIOLI? You’re TIREDDDDDDD? 

Mipha: Um, Urbosa…? Are… are you… 

Urbosa: IIIIII just chugged EIGHT FWEE DWINKS and AM still up and KICKING! 

Mipha: Urbosa, really– 

Urbosa: I guess I’m better than you, biwd bwain! …unless you want to fwy those CHICKEEEEEN WINGS over adddddd POOVE ME RONGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!! 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: … 

Riju: Lady Urbosa…? 

Revali: … 

Revali: I changed my mind. 

Revali: I’ll show up for a second just to show the asinine deep fried camel who the superior champion is. 

(Revali has gone offline) 

Mipha: … 

Tulin: Hey, Dad, can we– 

Teba: No. 

Tulin: …plea– 

Teba: Absolutely not. 

Daruk: Anyhow, who here hasn’t spoken up yet? 

Zelda: I haven’t… I’m at Hyrule Castle, planning on watching from here. Terrako, Impa, and Paya are here. Though Terrako would normally already be plugged in for the night… he’s insisting on staying up for the eclipse. 

(Revali is back online) 

Mipha: Wow, that was fast… 

Revali: I’m here… to send the asinine deep fried camel to hell 

King Dorephan: It would appear that she did it to herself already… 

Zelda: Wait, what exactly happened to Urbosa…? 

Riju: she got drunk 😅 

Zelda: I gathered that much, but… how!? The festival is at Zora’s Domain, and if there’s one thing I know for sure about Zora festivals, it’s that they rarely involve drinking! 

Mipha: Typically, yes… but… this time, just outside the entrance to the festival, a Hylian merchant set up a stand giving away free potent tabantha liquor. We took it down, but first, Urbosa… she chugged eight… 

Zelda: WH– IS SHE STILL ALIVE!? THAT STUFF IS FAR MORE POTENT THAN NOBLE PURSUITS!!!!! 

Riju: She’s alive, just asleep! I’m sure it would take more than eight servings of tabantha liquor to take Lady Urbosa out! 

Zelda: …… 

Riju: I want to be like Lady Urbosa when I grow up!!!!! 

Zelda: no, NO, you DON’T– 

Revali: Forget whether she’s alive or not, she should be checked for alcoholism. 

Robbie: Alright, the eclipse viewing equipment is all set up and ready at Lookout Landing! Everyone, how… wait… what? 

Purah: Why do I feel like I just walked into a room with pizza for the gang, only to find it on fire? 

Robbie: Wrong universe, Purah! Stay on track! 

Purah: Oh, right, of course… but anyway, the pizza IS here, in case anyone wants! 

Riju: Me! I love pizza! 

Purah: Then come to Lookout Landing! 

Revali: how did you even manage to have pizza delivered to your lab in Lookout Landing…? 

Purah: Pizzaiolo, duh! 

Robbie: PURAH. WRONG UNIVERSE. AGAIN. 

Purah: sorry, sorry 😅 

Riju: I’m bringing Urbosa to Lookout Landing! I’m sure she needs food after that alcohol, too! 

(Riju has gone offline) 

Revali: …I’m staying at Zora’s Domain, I don’t want to be anywhere remotely near them 

Daruk: goro, I thought the whole reason you went to Zora’s Domain was to smite Urbosa 

Revali: I’m not a goron 

Daruk: “goro” can be used for anyone, including non-gorons, just like when Hylians say “bro” 

Revali: I don’t speak goron OR hylian 

Tulin: Dad, can we go to Zora’s Domain now? Pleeeeeaaaaase? 🥺 

Teba: I said no. 

Tulin: But the wasted boozer is gone now! 

Zelda: the wha– 

Teba: Where did you even learn– ANYWAY– no means NO. It’s too late to be flying across the continent. It’s almost midnight. 

Tulin: awwwwwwwwww… then I’m gonna play games until the eclipse! 

Teba: …fine 

(Tulin has gone offline) 

Robbie: It IS almost midnight! 

Purah: Only about three and a half hours remain between us and the total lunar eclipse! 

Robbie: 3:23 in the morning, in case anyone’s forgotten! 

Purah: Let’s pause our chatting for now! 

Robbie: We’ll see you all then! 

(Robbie ended the chat) 

*later* 

(Robbie started a chat) 

(Robbie added Link, Sidon, Mipha, King Dorephan, Revali, Purah, Urbosa, Riju, Daruk, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, Zelda, Terrako, Impa, and Paya to the chat) 

Robbie: It’s HERE! 

Purah: That it is! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat) 

Mipha: The Yiga…? 

(Urbosa reconnected to the chat) 

Urbosa: The pizza made me sobe– wait, the Yiga appeared? Where? 

Mipha: They’re in Zora’s Domain… all of them. They teleported to where we are. 

Urbosa: HUH 

Master Kohga: Well, DUH! It’s the best place to watch this eclipse from! 

Sooga: The total lunar eclipse festival here in Zora’s Domain is also Yiga-approved. 

Mipha: I… see. 

Sidon: Oh, right, you said it was Yiga tradition to watch all eclipses from the best place to view them! 

Sooga: Indeed. 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Master Kohga: Oh, hey, monk! Where are you at? 

Monk Maz Koshia: On my floating platform in the sky. 

Master Kohga: Your what. 

Monk Maz Koshia: Floating platform above Hyrule. Initially meant for battle, now being used to view eclipses. 

Link: 🏍️⚔️!!!!! 

Monk Maz Koshia: Yes, indeed, it was where we fought in the final trial. 

Zelda: …how did you manage to maintain it even throughout the upheaval and everything? 

Impa: And how did no one notice it was there all this time!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: It was maintained not only by my power, but the souls of the living dead that I have collected over the centuries. 

Paya: the WHAT 

Monk Maz Koshia: Hylia forbid a man has hobbies. 

Monk Maz Koshia: … 

Monk Maz Koshia: I feel as though I was just possessed by a foreign entity for a few milliseconds… 

Revali: This is getting strange. Alarmingly strange. 

King Dorephan: I find strange things often happen on the night of a total lunar eclipse… 

Monk Maz Koshia: I shall leave now to focus entirely on the eclipse. 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

(Tulin reconnected to the chat) 

Tulin: GRAAAAAHHHHH I JUST CREAMED RIJU IN LIGHTNING SHOOTERS, FINALLY 

Riju: alarmingly strange things indeed 

Tulin: WHY YOU ASININE DEEP FRIED CAMEL– 

(Riju was disconnected from the chat) 

Tulin: Hey Master Revali did I use your insult correctly? :D 

Revali: …you’ve got a ways to go, kid, but that wasn’t horrible. 

Teba: … 

Purah: Anyway, guys, let’s focus on watching the eclipse! 

Robbie: It’s spectacular! 

Daruk: It looks like the moon is bleeding, but different from a blood moon… 

Sidon: The moon, which is usually white and pale, has been darkened and reddened! It does look as if someone drew blood from it! 

Mipha: It’s beautiful… 

Revali: It IS intriguing… 

Link: 🤩 

Tulin: YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! 

Master Kohga: I FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD OF BANANAS! 

Sooga: YES! 

Master Kohga: Come on, my fellow Yigas! Together, we will ascend, and become one with HIM! 

Sooga: Understood! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

(Astor joined the chat) 

Astor: OH, GREAT CALAMITY, RISE UNDER THE LIGHT OF THE BLOOD MOON! 

Zelda: HUH!? 

Urbosa: it’s not a blood moon, you f– 

Astor: SILENCE, PESTS! GREAT CALAMITY GANON AND I SHALL ASCEND TOGETHER UNDER THE LIGHT OF THE BLOODIED MOON, AND BECOME ONE! NOW RISE, CALAMITY GANON! 

(Ganon joined the chat) 

(Zelda, Impa, Terrako, and Paya were disconnected from the chat) 

Revali: What the… 

Urbosa: Is it just me, or is Hyrule Castle rising from the ground…? 

Purah: Hold on– 

Robbie: It’s not just you… 

Daruk: You guys are at Lookout Landing! What’s going on!? 

(Impa and Paya reconnected to the chat) 

Paya: GUYS! It’s HORRIBLE! 

Impa: Zelda and Terrako fell into a chasm! And we JUST BARELY managed to get away! 

Paya: Calamity Ganon is back, and it doesn’t look like he’s playing around this time! KING RHOAM BOSPHORAMUS HYRULE IS DEAD! 

Robbie: I can’t ban Astor or Calamity Ganon from the chat… 

Purah: What in the Hylia just– 

Impa: PURAH, ROBBIE, EXPLAIN YOURSELVES! You said everything would be fine and that no one could cause permanent damage on this chat! It isn’t even a blood moon! What’s going on!? 

Purah: Well, sister… as a wise Zora King once said, strange things often happen on the night of a total lunar eclipse… 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: The calamity is here. Prepare yourselves. 

Daruk: Champions, to your divine beasts! 

Mipha: Um… Daruk… I just entered Ruta, and… 

Revali: WHAT THE ACTUAL F*** IS THAT THING!? 

Urbosa: COME AT ME! 

(Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa were disconnected from the chat) 

Link: 😨 

Yunobo: Daruk, no! 

Sidon: SISTER! 

Riju: LADY URBOSA! 

Teba: Master Revali!? 

(Link, Yunobo, Sidon, Riju, and Teba were kicked from the chat) 

Paya: WHAT– 

Impa: WHO just– 

(Paya and Impa were kicked from the chat) 

Astor: I have gained moderator permissions over the chat now! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

Tulin: bro, how tf– 

(Tulin was kicked from the chat) 

King Dorephan: YOU– 

(King Dorephan was kicked from the chat) 

Purah: But HOW!? HOW did you get through our careful layers of coding and barriers to protect the chat from being corrupted!? 

Astor: THE CALAMITY! 

Robbie: The calamity… 

Ganon: Indeed, and I have gained total control over the chat. I have gained… ADMIN PERMISSIONS!!!!! 

Purah: *GASP* ADMIN PERMISSIONS!?!?!?!?!? 

Ganon: Yes, which is akin to OWNERSHIP!!!!! 

Robbie: OWNERSHIP!?!?!?!?!? 

Ganon: THIS CHAT AND HYRULE WILL FALL AND BOW TO ME!!!!! 

(Purah and Robbie were permanently banned from the chat) 

Astor: Er, you mean… to US. Hyrule will bow to US. Right? 

Ganon: Ah, right… “us”. Of course. And that will start with… eliminating the champions and taking control of the divine beasts. 

Astor: YES!!!!!!!!!! 

(Ganon ended the chat)

Chapter Text

(Astor started a chat) 

(Astor added Waterblight, Fireblight, Windblight, and Thunderblight to the chat) 

(Astor added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa to the chat) 

(Astor locked the chat) 

Mipha: It’s time… 

Daruk: Damn, I’m guessing you guys are being attacked too? 

Revali: Ugh, I can’t see anything in this darkness… 

Urbosa: This thing is so fast… 

Astor: YOU SHALL ALL BE STRUCK DOWN TONIGHT, CHAMPIONS! 

Mipha: W– well… er… how is everyone doing…? 

Daruk: Uhhhhh… 

Urbosa: horrible 

Revali: Well, I’m personally doing f– SHIT!!!!! 

Mipha: What happened!? 

Revali: One of its lasers grazed my wing… 

Mipha: … 

Revali: It would be easier to fight without messaging this– 

(Revali was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: Revali…? 

Daruk: Wait, why wasn’t that swear censored!? 

Astor: Nothing is censored on this chat! Your sheikah friends’ authority over the chat is gone! We have corrupted it all! Nothing, not even permanent death, can be prevented! 

Mipha: This can’t be happening… I thought we prepared… 

Urbosa: YOU’RE TELLING ME ELECTRICITY DOESN’T WORK ON THIS THING!? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO– 

(Urbosa was disconnected from the chat) 

Mipha: URBOSA! 

Daruk: Urgh… 

Mipha: Daruk! How is your fight going!? 

Daruk: You want the short answer or the long answer!? 

Mipha: Um… short? 

Daruk: SHIT’S FUCKED 

Mipha: Okay… long! 

Daruk: SHIT’S VERY FUCKED 

Mipha: O… ow… 

Daruk: Mipha, are you–!? 

Mipha: I have to go… I was just… it… just… 

(Mipha was disconnected from the chat) 

Daruk: FUCK IT A– 

(Daruk was disconnected from the chat) 

Astor: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

(Terrako joined the chat) 

Terrako: Beep. Boop. 

(Terrako rewinded the chat) 

(loading…) 

Mipha: It’s time… 

Daruk: Damn, I’m guessing you guys are being attacked too? 

Revali: Ugh, I can’t see anything in this darkness… 

Urbosa: This thing is so fast… 

Astor: YOU SHALL ALL BE STRUCK DOWN TONIGHT, CHAMPIONS! 

(Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Riju, and Tulin joined the chat) 

Sidon: I won’t let you take my dearest sister’s life again! 

Yunobo: The Mighty Daruk won’t be struck down if I can say something about it! 

Teba: I shall fight by your side, Rito Champion! 

Riju: Lady Urbosa! We’re here to help! 

Astor: Wait… what on earth…? 

Tulin: Master Revali! Master Revali! Will you let me borrow your bow after this!? Pretty please!? 

Revali: How did you even get here!? 

Mipha: Sidon, is father alright…? 

Sidon: He’s safe! …even after almost dying, you’re worrying about others? That’s the sister I know! 

Mipha: Where is he…? 

Sidon: In the pristine sanctum, healing from battle wounds! He’ll be perfectly alright! 

Mipha: Thank goodness… 

Astor: IMPOSSIBLE! I locked the chat! It shouldn’t be possible for outsiders to join! 

Tulin: heh, I learned a thing or two about hacking last night when I stayed up on my sheikah slate! 

Teba: You what…? I thought you went to bed early… 

Tulin: o– oh… um… ANYWAY! I had help from this guy too! 

(Tulin added Terrako to the chat) 

Terrako: Beep. Boop. 

Mipha: Terrako, you can talk now…? 

Terrako: Beep. Boop. Beep, boop, beep. Boop boop! 

Revali: Those look like incoherent beeps to me… 

Terrako: Beep, BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP! 😡 

Daruk: oh damn 

(Zelda joined the chat) 

Urbosa: Zelda, didn’t you… 

Daruk: …fall down a chasm!? 

Zelda: I did, along with Terrako… but somehow… we got out. Through a process akin to rewinding time… 

Revali: okay, WHAT THE FUCK– 

(Link joined the chat) 

Mipha: Link…? You’re… 

Link: I’m here. 

Daruk: LITTLE GUY!? 

Urbosa: forget Terrako and Zelda– LINK!?!?!?!?!? 

Mipha: Link, you… your voice… 

Link: Yes, it hath returned. And now, I shall save thee. 

Sidon: YES! We shall fight alongside my sister together, my dear friend! 

Urbosa: awwwwwe 

Daruk: why does Link sound oddly poetic 

Tulin: what’s he even saying!? 

Riju: I don’t understand a thing! 

Urbosa: he’s saying he’s here, he can speak, and now he’s going to save Mipha 

Revali: ugh, gross, I feel like puking now 

Urbosa: I see the RAVIOLI is jealous 

Revali: I’m killing you after we kill Ganon 

Astor: ENOUGH! YOUR NUMBERS DON’T MATTER, YOU WILL ALL CEASE TO EXIST AT THE HANDS OF THE BLIGHT GANONS! 

Link: Nay, thou shalt cease to exist, along with thy minions.

*four hard fought battles later* 

(Waterblight, Fireblight, Windblight, and Thunderblight were disconnected from the chat) 

Astor: IMPOSSIBLE! 

Revali: Is that your catchphrase? You’re saying it an awful lot… 

Urbosa: It definitely will be after we’re done with you! 

(Astor left the chat) 

Urbosa: Tch, he fled… 

Daruk: It’s fine, we’ll get him eventually. Especially now that the divine beasts are back under control! 

Revali: I’ve aimed my divine beast at Hyrule Castle. 

Mipha: I have as well. 

Daruk: Let’s finish this! 

Urbosa: HELL yeah!

Chapter Text

(Purah started a chat) 

(Purah added Impa and Paya to the chat) 

Purah: We’ve outdone ourselves again! Robbie and my genius has allowed us to create a new temporary chat with improved security and stability for us to communicate in this time! 

(Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: Yes, indeed, we have! 

Impa: Oh, great, does that mean Paya and I can get a break from covering for you guys!? These hordes are relentless, even though we made it past the dueling peaks! 

Robbie: Not quite, we still need to get a signal through to the divine beast crew… 

Purah: Not to mention, you guys are better at that anyway, sister! You know Robbie and I can’t fight! 

Robbie: AHAH! GOT ‘EM! 

(Robbie added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Robbie: I noticed the divine beasts stopped struggling! Does that mean– 

Mipha: Indeed, we’re all safe and in control. 

Purah: Aw yeah, click snap! 

Daruk: We sent Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Riju, Tulin, Link, Terrako, and Zelda to regroup with you. They should be there soon! 

Robbie: Grea– wait, Terrako!? ZELDA!? 

Purah: Didn’t they fall down a chasm!? 

Paya: They did! We SAW them! 

Urbosa: oh, yeah, they said they got out by rewinding time or something 

Impa: WHAT. 

Revali: Link also talks now. And honestly, I liked him better when he didn’t. 

Impa: WHAT ON EA– 

Urbosa: You’ll see! They’ll be there soon! 

Mipha: We have to go! Bye! 

(Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa left the chat) 

Impa: ……… 

Robbie: Intriguing! 

Paya: Master Link speaks now? What do you think his voice sounds like…? 

Impa: I don’t know, Paya. I don’t know. 

Purah: Hmm, well, I DO! Or at least, I can make a guess! 

Impa: You what. 

Purah: Analyzing recordings of him breathing, screaming, or making other vocal noises… his voice should sound… 

(Link, Terrako, Sidon, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, Riju, and Zelda joined the chat) 

Purah: Oh, hey guys! You’re here! 

Terrako: Beep. Boop. 

Link: Hail! How fare thee? 

Purah: Uh… what? 

Robbie: Link, you… is that Archaic Hyrulean!? 

Tulin: Guys, someone PLEASE teach Link to speak Modern Hyrulean! 

Robbie: Does he only speak Archaic Hyrulean…? 

Sidon: It would appear that, yes, somehow, he only speaks Archaic Hyrulean. 

Purah: Could it be he somehow reverted to the ancient version of him…? 

Robbie: As in the other universe…? 

Yunobo: Wait, didn’t he nap for a hundred years? What if he never even got the chance to practice speaking Modern Hyrulean!? 

Purah: Language wasn’t very different a hundred years ago! I was alive then! I should know! 

Impa: No you weren’t! I haven’t even been around a hundred years! 

Purah: Oh… wait… 

Robbie: This is the version of Link where he DIDN’T sleep for a hundred years, Purah. 

Purah: Oh yeah, wait… NOW is a hundred years ago… I wasn’t alive a hundred years ago… only a hundred years from now… but… wait… 

Robbie: Let’s just focus on preventing a hundred years from going by! 

Impa: What in the MOTHER OF HYLIA are you two talking about!? 

Purah: Nothing, nothing! Sorry, sister! 

Robbie: Please don’t mind our musings! 

Purah: Anyway, back to– uh– 

Tulin: PLEEEEEAAAAASE TEACH LINK MODERN HYRULEAN! 

Purah: Oh, right. I can do that! Come on, Linky! 

Link: Wh– 

*one rigorous lesson in Modern Hyrulean later…* 

Purah: Alright, back to planning! 

Link: I’ll go to Hyrule Castle to take on Ganon. 

Zelda: I’ll accompany Link with my sealing power. 

Terrako: Beep boop! 

Sidon: We’ll come as well, as backup! 

Yunobo: Yep! We graduated to sages after saving the champions! 

Tulin: That’s right! 

Riju: We’ll be there, and if Astor shows up again, we’ll send him to hell! 

Purah: Robbie and I will be staying at Lookout Landing as technical support. We’ll send the signal to the divine beasts to fire when it’s time! 

Impa: Paya and I will be standing by in case the divine beast pilots or the Hyrule Castle crew require aid. 

Purah: Wonderful, wonderful! By the way, has anyone seen the Yiga? 

Robbie: I haven’t seen or even heard of them since the total lunar eclipse… 

Impa: I hope they haven’t turned against us… 

Zelda: Even if they have, we’re ready! Now… LET’S DO THIS!

Chapter Text

(Robbie started a chat) 

(Robbie added Purah to the chat) 

Robbie: Purah, are all communications online? 

Purah: Indeed! It’s TIME! 

(Robbie added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Robbie: Are all the divine beasts ready to fire? 

Daruk: Yep! 

Mipha: Yes! 

Urbosa: All ready! 

Revali: Yes… 

(Purah added Impa and Paya to the chat) 

Purah: You guys are standing by, right? Ready to teleport in a pinch? 

Paya: Of course! 

Impa: Yes, Purah… 

Purah: Awesome! 

(Robbie added Link, Zelda, Sidon, Terrako, Yunobo, Teba, Tulin, and Riju to the chat) 

Robbie: Hyrule Castle crew! Where are you at? 

Link: Prepared to enter and strike down the calamity once and for all immediately. 

Terrako: Beep boop! 

Zelda: yes, we’re all ready to fight! 

Sidon: We shall take down this threat together! 

Yunobo: I can’t wait to show Ganon the power of a sage! 

Tulin: ya got that right! 

Teba: We’re ready. 

Riju: hell yeah, we’ll save everyone! 

Purah: Alright then… LET’S GO! 

Robbie: W– wait… 

Purah: huh…? 

Paya: what’s happening!? 

Impa: I see it too… 

Daruk: What’s– oh… 

Revali: EH!? 

Mipha: … 

Urbosa: oh my… 

Zelda: dearest Hylia WHAT!? 

Link: Ganon is already dead… as of just a moment ago… along with his minions. 

(Master Kohga, Sooga and Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: Ganon is gone, at last. 

Sooga: Indeed. 

Master Kohga: All that we have to do now is take down the goddess Hylia, and then all of Hyrule will have no choice but to bow to the Lord of Bananas! 

Sooga: Yes! 

Master Kohga: YAHAHA!!!!! I FOUND YOU!!!!! 

Sooga: …Master Kohga, are you alright? 

Master Kohga: Oh, yeah, I’m perfectly fine. Sorry, looks like the Yiga Koroks rubbed off on me a bit. 

Sooga: Ah, I see. 

Master Kohga: They proved useful, though. 

Revali: WAIT. 

Mipha: What… 

Impa: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON!? 

Robbie: Let me get this straight… the Yiga Clan… you killed Ganon? 

Sooga: Precisely. 

Tulin: WITHOUT US!? 

Master Kohga: What, were we supposed to WAIT FOR YOU!? All you non-Yiga hosers were taking WAY TOO LONG! 

Purah: W– how did you even do it!? 

Monk Maz Koshia: You would like to know of the plan we executed? 

Impa: YES!!!!!!!!!! 

Master Kohga: In all my genius, I devised a plan where I would take down Calamity Ganon once and for all! For interrupting my precious moments with the Lord of Bananas during the lunar eclipse, he deserved to be sent straight to hell! 

Sooga: Our fellow Yiga clan members, the blademasters and footsoldiers, came to fight the corrupted guardians surrounding the castle. 

Monk Maz Koshia: I killed the resurged Waterblight, Fireblight, Windblight, and Thunderblight. 

Link: All at the same time…? 

Monk Maz Koshia: Yes, do not underestimate my power. 

Sooga: After everyone else was in position, we brought the army of Yiga Koroks up from the depths below. 

Impa: you WHAT!? 

Zelda: the WHAT!? 

Tulin: SICK 

Master Kohga: We had originally intended for them to kill Astor, but then it turned out Ganon had already disposed of him via absorption, which made our job easier, and so we sent them to fight off the monster horde swarming the castle instead. 

Mipha: I didn’t know koroks could fight… nor that there were koroks in the Yiga Clan… 

Sooga: People from all over join the Yiga Clan. I myself lived in the Great Hyrule Forest. 

Master Kohga: But anyway, while they took down the little monsters, Sooga and I went straight to Ganon! And KILLED HIM! 

Impa: But HOW? 

Master Kohga: By killing him, duh. 

Impa: … 

Master Kohga: You sheikah better watch out! Don’t underestimate the power of the Yiga Clan! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: I shall leave as well. 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Mipha: … 

Daruk: … 

Revali: … 

Urbosa: … 

Impa: … 

Paya: … 

Purah: … 

Robbie: … 

Link: … 

Terrako: … 

Zelda: … 

Sidon: … 

Yunobo: … 

Teba: … 

Tulin: … 

Riju: … 

Chapter Text

(Daruk started a chat) 

(Daruk added Mipha, Link, and Urbosa to the chat) 

Daruk: Hey, uh… you guys there? 

Urbosa: yep 

Daruk: oh, hey 

Link: I’m here as well. 

Daruk: little guy… I’m still getting used to you talking… 

Mipha: I’m here too! ^-^ 

Daruk: awesome, hey Mipha! 

Urbosa: Anyway, Daruk, what happened? Is something wrong? 

Daruk: uh…  well… kinda… 

Urbosa: What’s happening? 

Daruk: Well… remember that time I went to Tarrey Town with Yunobo to help him finalize a partnership between YunoboCo and Hudson Construction…? 

Urbosa: dear hylia Daruk don’t tell me you ate kittens again 

Daruk: Wha– NO!!!!! I’m never doing that again after last time… way too furry! 

Link: What’s going on, then? 

Daruk: Er… well… I’m in Rito Village, because Yunobo wants to recruit Rito members to YunoboCo. 

Link: Why? 

Daruk: Something about their ability to fly being useful for construction. 

Urbosa: I can see that, actually 

Urbosa: wait… don’t tell me… you ate RITO EG– 

Daruk: NO!!!!!!!!!! 

Mipha: Okay, so, just tell us. What’s the issue? 

Daruk: It’s… Revali. He seems… off. 

Urbosa: is he bothering you? 

Daruk: no… he hasn’t done anything… 

Link: Wait… he’s not nice again… right? 

Daruk: No! No, not like that. 

Link: Phew… 

Daruk: The thing is, he… I saw him when we were coming in. I think he was leaving the village to go train somewhere, he had his bow with him. 

Urbosa: And????? 

Daruk: I greeted him, and he stopped walking, turned to me, stared at me like he wanted to MURDER me, and then kept walking. 

Link: HOW did you greet him? Were you annoying or loud about it? 

Daruk: No, no, I swear! Just a quick “good morning goro” and a smile! I didn’t even call him Ravioli or anything! 

Urbosa: huh, maybe he’s having a bad day 

Daruk: maybe… but overall… his vibe was really off 

Mipha: How so? 

Daruk: Well, for one, he was walking weird. Instead of his usual arrogant but withdrawn footsteps, he walked in a far more quiet and ominous way. Like a Yiga Footsoldier on a mission to kill. In fact, I don’t think that I even heard his footsteps at all. 

Link: You have bad hearing, though. 

Daruk: I do? 

Link: Yes. Yes you do. 

Daruk: Anyway, he… he seemed like he didn’t care about anyone or anything. It wasn’t like normal, when he pretends to not care but secretly does, it actually seemed like he was fresh out of sh**s to give about anyone and anything. 

Mipha: Um, Daruk… he really didn’t say anything to you? 

Daruk: No, nothing. And a few moments later, he took off. Not with Revali’s Gale, though, which I found weird. He loves to show it off. 

Urbosa: hmm, that is weird… where did he go? 

Daruk: I think East. That’s all I could get, though. 

Link: Hmm… 

Urbosa: you think Tulin did something again? 

Mipha: I hope not… 

Daruk: I see him and his Dad, I’ll add them to the chat 

(Daruk added Tulin and Teba to the chat) 

Daruk: hey goros! 

Tulin: oh, hey, champions! 

Teba: …is something wrong? 

Urbosa: uh… 

Link: Tulin, did you do anything to alter Revali’s personality again? 

Teba: Personality? You mean– 

Tulin: THAT TIME WITH THE CAKE!? 

Mipha: Yeah, that… you didn’t do anything like that recently…? 

Tulin: W– no! I haven’t even talked to him today! 

Teba: It’s true… I’ve been with him the whole day. I also confiscated the recipe book the moment I learned of the incident. Why do you ask? Is he… being nice? 

Daruk: No, quite the opposite. He seems almost evil. 

Teba: What…? 

Tulin: oh, wait, I see what you mean 

Teba: You haven’t even talked to him today, Tulin. 

Tulin: no, but I saw him this morning 

Teba: …you did? 

Tulin: ye, I was eating breakfast outside, and he walked past, not even glancing at me, but I heard him muttering something under his breath 

Daruk: What was it????? 

Tulin: I couldn’t make out most of it, but he was definitely talking about Link. He said “Link shall perish today” or smth, idk lmao 

Mipha: That’s… alarming. 

Link: … 

Tulin: maybe he’s finally going to try to kill Link? 

Mipha: This doesn’t add up… he never wanted to kill Link. 

Urbosa: it’s true, as much as he could be an asshole, the only person he ever wanted to kill was Ganon 

Link: I’ve never been able to mention it before, since I couldn’t… y’know… talk… but, in all our confrontations, I always felt arrogance, annoyance, and resentment from him, but never pure hatred. He didn’t like me, but didn’t hate me as much as everyone seemed to believe. He certainly never had the intent or the desire to kill me. He just wanted to rattle me, to get under my nerves… to get me to confront him, so he’d have an opportunity to prove himself better than me. 

Tulin: HUH 

Daruk: damn we be talkin about him like he’s dead 

Mipha: He’s not. He had better not be. And wow, we have to get to the bottom of this. 

Daruk: This calls for detective work! I’m gonna add Robbie and Purah to the chat! 

Urbosa: they’re mad scientists, not– 

Daruk: close enough! 

(Daruk added Robbie and Purah to the chat) 

Robbie: Hey guys! 

Purah: What’s up? 

Daruk: we need your help… 

Purah: what’s wrong? 

Daruk: Revali’s turned evil… not just mean or antagonistic, but evil… we think he wants to kill Link… 

Purah: …oh hylia. 

Urbosa: you have any clue why this might be the case…? 

Robbie: Could you give us more information? What’s led to your conclusion? 

Mipha: To summarize everything we’ve talked about… Daruk walked by him this morning, said hello, and Revali stared at him like he wanted to kill him. Daruk said the way he was walking was also concerning. In a ominously silent way, rather than his usual arrogant but withdrawn footsteps. He walked like a Yiga Footsoldier on a mission to kill. Daruk said his vibe was off, and he seemed apathetic. Like he truly didn’t care about anything or anyone. 

Daruk: Yeah, and then he took off and left! But NOT with Revali’s Gale! 

Tulin: Again, I didn’t do anything this time! I swear! 

Teba: It’s true, he didn’t. 

Mipha: Tulin, though, you said when you saw him this morning, he muttered something about Link dying today. 

Tulin: yeah, something like that… 

Mipha: He’s never wanted to kill Link before, though. Not truly. He only ever wanted to kill Ganon. 

Link: Yes, I too believe he never had the intent to kill me. 

Purah: Have you seen him at all today, Link? 

Link: I haven’t. 

Purah: Hey, Daruk, where did he fly off to, exactly? 

Daruk: Just East… I think. 

Purah: Link, where are you? 

Link: Currently riding Epona through the Tabantha Hills, just east of Rito Village… 

Mipha: Link, what? What are you doing there…? 

Link: Just exploring… I’ve only been here twice before. 

Purah: I think it’s best you stay away from the Hebra region while we figure this out. 

Link: You think I can’t take on an overzealous Ravioli? I’ll be perfectly fine. 

Purah: we don’t know what he’s capable of at the moment… 

Robbie: Hmm, hmm… an ominous gait, silent footsteps, lacking the use of Revali’s Gale, talking about killing Link– oh. OH. 

Purah: You figured something out!? 

Robbie: Not really… it’s silly… 

Purah: In this profession, nothing is silly! Come on! What is it? 

Robbie: Er, Daruk… might sound like an insane question, but… what colour were Revali’s eyes when you saw him this morning? 

Daruk: huh? no clue 

Purah: oh, wait, I get what you’re thinking now, Robbie… anyway, Daruk, you have no clue? 

Daruk: I don’t even remember what they USUALLY are! 

Purah: they’re usually green, were they different? 

Daruk: I don’t know. I don’t remember. 

Tulin: OOOOOHHHHH THAT’S IT! 

Teba: Tulin…? 

Tulin: I took a picture of Revali this morning, since I felt like something was off about his appearance. 

Teba: It’s not ethical to take pictures of people without permission, Tulin… 

Tulin: whatever, I think I’ve been a big help in this case, because… LOOK!!!!! *sends* 

Tulin: HIS EYES ARE RED!!!!!!!!!! 

Mipha: … 

Link: What the f***. 

Daruk: NAHHHHH WHAT 

Urbosa: OH MY F***ING HYLIA 

Purah: Oh no… 

Robbie: My suspicions were confirmed… 

Mipha: What is it? What’s going on with him!? Tell us! 

Purah: Well, just last week, we were working on a case study involving some Hylians, former residents of Hyrule Castle Town, who were exhibiting strange behaviours no one else could figure out. Previously truly kind people, they’d turned apathetic and/or cruel overnight. The one thing that we observed they all had in common were eerie gaits and red eyes. Though rare, there had been other observed instances of this, but we focused on this group. We did our best to figure out what was going on. 

Robbie: At first, given the strange red eyes, we thought they were under a spell the same way the Gorons had been at the time of the marbled rock roast, but we found out it was something deeper. 

Purah: Linky, you remember when I sent you on the mysterious phenomena quest, right? 

Link: …yes? 

Purah: You remember Ganondorf’s puppet controlling Yunobo with that mask? 

Link: Yes! Were they– 

Purah: Indeed, but not with masks. We found glowing red gems on each of their necks. 

Robbie: After removing them, the Hylians returned to normal, so we took the gems back to our labs to investigate. And of course, with OUR genius… 

Purah: …we succeeded! 

Robbie: They were made from the same material as Yunobo’s mask, holding the same malice and gloom-wreathed aura as the marbled rock roast. 

Purah: These Hylians were essentially being directly influenced by Ganondorf. While some aspects of who they were remained, during that time, the only voices they would listen to were the ones in their head. 

Mipha: Okay, so, you’re saying Revali’s being influenced by Ganondorf…? 

Robbie: We’re almost 100% sure. This state of being influenced by Ganondorf, we’ve decided to name “malice possession.” 

Purah: Meaning Revali’s probably definitely become a malice possession now. Him wanting to kill Link fits this too… most likely, it’s the mission he was given. 

Link: Um… guys? 

Daruk: The mission? 

Link: Guys… 

Urbosa: You mean the mission he was given by Ganondorf? 

Link: GUYS. 

Purah: Malice possessions are always given a mission, and yeah, I’m willing to bet a thousand rupees his mission is to kill Link. It would make sense. 

Link: GUYS!!!!!!!!!! 

Mipha: Link? Are you alright…? 

Link: He’s here. His eyes are red. He’s attacking me. 

Purah: … 

Purah: I’m on my way. 

Robbie: Purah, should I go? 

Purah: No, stay back. I’ll teleport to his location. Linky, you’re still in the same place? 

Link: Yes. The Tabantha Hills. It seems he truly does want to kill me. He keeps shooting… bomb arrows… 

(Purah has gone offline) 

Daruk: Little guy, are you able to fight him off? 

Link: My armour is doing a good job of protecting me from the worst of it… but it isn’t impenetrable. And he’s flying so fast, half the time I can’t tell where he is. 

(Purah is back online) 

Purah: I’m here. Let’s do this. 

Link: What do we do? 

Purah: We have to remove and destroy whatever material object Ganondorf is using to control him… which is likely on his neck. But we’ll– EEK! 

(Purah was disconnected from the chat) 

Link: Purah!? 

(Purah reconnected to the chat) 

Purah: We need help! Guys, please come help! 

Mipha: I’m on my way! 

(Mipha has gone offline) 

Urbosa: me too! 

(Urbosa has gone offline) 

Daruk: Count me in! 

(Daruk has gone offline) 

Teba: Let’s go, Tulin. 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

(Mipha, Urbosa, and Daruk are back online) 

Daruk: We’re here to help! 

Urbosa: yep! 

Mipha: Link! Are you alright? 

Link: I’m okay… just fricking exhausted… 

Purah: The red gem is on his neck! We need to remove and destroy it! 

Daruk: Everyone, behind me! DARUK’S PROTECTION, GO! 

Robbie: Everything alright over there!? 

Purah: We’re doing our best! 

Urbosa: sorry, Revali, this’ll sting… but not enough to kill you. *snaps fingers* 

Purah: He’s down! Let’s go! 

Link: Where’s the gem…? 

Mipha: I found it! 

Link: Oh, there, alright… HYAAAAAH! 

Purah: His eyes are back! 

Mipha: And he’s… asleep? 

Robbie: Yeah, that’s to be expected. He might be unconscious for a bit while he reverts to his true self. 

Mipha: This is terrifying… since when can Ganon just influence… anyone? 

Purah: Ah, ah, ah! Not ANYONE. Malice possession candidates have to fulfill a certain criteria. 

Robbie: Yes, they must hold malice or resentment of their own. 

Mipha: Malice of their own…? 

Robbie: Yes, yes, and it must be something he can make useful for his goals. For example, all of us resent Ganondorf, but he can’t use that resentment to benefit him. Revali’s resentment toward Link, however… 

Purah: …it’s something that, with the aid of a mask or gem, he can twist into the desire to kill Link. 

Daruk: Why does Revali resent Link so much anyway… 

Urbosa: Isn’t it jealousy that he’s playing the main role in defeating Ganon? 

Mipha: I feel like there’s a deeper reason… Link, do you have any history with him? 

Link: You mean before we all became champions? No, not at all. 

Mipha: Hmm… 

Robbie: Well, if I’m being perfectly honest… I found it strange that YOU ALL agreed to the plan to take out Ganon without a second thought. 

Purah: Yeah, when you say it out loud… it sounds… I don’t know. I don’t blame Revali for wanting a bigger role. He’s practically trained his whole life for it. 

Mipha: Why were the five of us specifically chosen as champions anyway? 

Robbie: Link is pretty obvious, he had the ability to wield the master sword. This made him the chosen hero automatically. The rest of you are accomplished warriors with unique abilities from each of the four regions the divine beasts belong to. 

Mipha: We’re not all the same, though… I think I’ve finally realized something… 

Urbosa: what is it…? 

Mipha: W– well… I’m the Zora princess, you’re the Gerudo Chief, and while Daruk isn’t the Goron leader, he’s the descendant of a line of great Goron warriors who can create impenetrable forcefields. All our abilities come from our blood… except Revali’s. He’s the only one of us who got to where he is now COMPLETELY by his own hard work, without any aid from a position or bloodline. 

Daruk: yes, that’s true… 

Mipha: Link worked very hard, but destiny was most of what allowed him to pull the sword. And Zelda… her power comes completely from her blood and destiny. She isn’t a champion, and yet, even she was marked from birth, in fact, more than we were. 

Urbosa: …huh 

Mipha: I think… I understand his perspective better now. 

Urbosa: me too… 

Daruk: me three… 

Link: … 

Mipha: But anyway, Link, you’re certain you’re alright!? 

Link: I am… thanks for worrying about me, though. 

Urbosa: wait, Revali– 

Daruk: he’s waking up! 

(Revali joined the chat) 

Revali: ugh, what’s– 

Robbie: how do you feel? 

Revali: asinine, what the– WHAT– WHERE– 

Daruk: You don’t remember anything? 

Revali: Am I supposed to be remembering something? Why are all of you here!? Today was meant to be my day off! The one day that I wouldn’t have to be around you! 

Link: Revali, do you want to kill me? 

Revali: What did you do? Is there a reason I should want to kill you right now? 

Link: He’s back. 

Revali: WHAT DID YOU DO!? ANSWER!!!!! 

Urbosa: HE’S BACK 

Daruk: YES 

Mipha: Welcome back, Revali. 

Revali: okay seriously WHAT the F*** IS GOING ON 

Mipha: Er, well… 

Purah: I’ll explain it. 

*Purah explains everything* 

Revali: …what… 

Revali: … 

Revali: F*** YOU Ganon, you F***ING ***** YOU **********– 

Purah: Revali YOU CAN’T SAY THAT 

Revali: Ugh, whatever… I’ll be leaving now. I’m going to continue preparing to beat Ganondorf. There’s no way he, or anyone else for that matter, will take control of me again. 

Urbosa: uh, wait… 

Revali: What. 

Urbosa: ehhhhh… 

Daruk: … 

Urbosa: well, you know how we call you Ravioli and make fun of you sometimes? 

Daruk: Goro, you know we’re always joking right? 

Revali: … 

Revali: that doesn’t change how disrespectful it is 

(Revali left the chat) 

Daruk: no sense of humour 

Urbosa: smh 

Mipha: …well, some people don’t like being made fun of… you should tease him less, I’d say. 

Daruk: eh, we’ll try 

Mipha: You all always show me you appreciate me. If you did that for him… 

Link: Mipha, we do that because you deserve it. 

Mipha: I strongly believe, if we all treated Revali similarly, he’d be kinder. 

Urbosa: if you say so… 

Daruk: anyway, woof… what a long day… I’ve gotta get back to Yunobo. bye guys! 

(Daruk left the chat) 

Urbosa: I should get back to Gerudo Town, too, so bye! 

(Urbosa left the chat) 

Robbie: Now that all that’s cleaned up, I’m out! 

(Robbie left the chat) 

Purah: Me too! Bye guys! 

(Purah left the chat) 

Mipha: It’s just us now, Link… do you want to go back to Zora’s Domain? I’ll cook us dinner ^-^ 

Link: Yeah, sounds great after today. I’m exhausted. 

Mipha: Great! 

(Mipha left the chat) 

(Link ended the chat) 

Chapter Text

(Mipha started a chat) 

(Mipha added Sidon and King Dorephan to the chat) 

Mipha: Good day and happy Thanksgiving! 

King Dorephan: Yes, happy Thanksgiving. 

Sidon: Autumn has finally arrived! 

(Purah and Robbie joined the chat) 

Robbie: You mean FALL has arrived! 

Sidon: Isn’t that what I just said? 

Purah: You said autumn! It’s FALL! 

King Dorephan: Those are the same thing… 

Mipha: Wait, how are you two already up? It’s 8:30 am here in Northeast Ontario, which would make it 4:30 am in coastal BC!!!!! 

Purah: Geniuses never sleep! MWAHAHAHAHA! It’ll be a while before Impa and Paya get up, though. 

(Link joined the chat) 

Mipha: Oh, hey, Link! Happy Thanksgiving! 

Link: oh, happy Thanksgiving… *sigh* 

Mipha: …what’s wrong? 

Link: Well, you know how autumn takes freakin’ forever to arrive in Toronto after a long summer? 

Mipha: Yes…? 

Link: Well, earlier today, perhaps by the luck of the Thanksgiving gods, I was taking a walk in the forest and finally found an area with some maples where the leaves were falling. 

Purah: Oh nice, Linky! But what’s wrong? 

Link: Oh, well… there was this one giant red maple leaf that looked SUPER crunchy. I could practically hear it crunching before I even stepped on it. 

Sidon: Oooh 👀 

Link: But when I stepped on it… 

Purah: YEAH????? 

Link: THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! 😭😭😭😭😭 

Purah: Oof… 

Mipha: Oh no… Link… 

Link: AND IT’S ALSO TWENTY FREAKIN’ DEGREES OUT! WHEN WILL FALL FINALLY ARRIVE!? I HATE THIS! 

Purah: I’m sorry, Linky. 

Link: It’s fine… I love Toronto… but hate the weather. Winter and fall are so short, and the summers are so long, hot, and humid. 

Robbie: Well, that’s what the urban heat island effect, plus just being located closer to the equator than the north pole, will do! 

Link: Anyway, how’s everyone else feeling? 

Mipha: Good, also, Link, are you still coming up past Algonquin for Thanksgiving dinner this year? 

Link: You BET I am! I wouldn’t miss it for the world! 

Mipha: Wonderful! ^-^ 

(Hestu joined the chat) 

Hestu: Good morning and happy thanksgiving, everyone! Me and the koroks are hosting a Thanksgiving festival all week! Anyone want to come? 

Mipha: Link, Sidon, my father and I are busy, but I hope it goes well! 

Link: Besides, to get there… we’d have to fly over… 

(Urbosa and Riju joined the chat) 

Urbosa: Through QUÉBEC, LA BELLE PROVINCE! Et VOUS SAVEZ QU’AUCUN ANGLOS N’EST AUTORISÉ ICI !

Riju: OUI, OUI! RENTREZ CHEZ VOUS, TÊTES CARRÉES! 

(Master Kohga joined the chat) 

Master Kohga: Oh, shut up! Your incessant yapping woke me from my nap! 

Mipha: Your NAP? Where are you again? 

Master Kohga: The Yiga Clan resides in the true north, the land of the midnight sun… the one… the only… NUNAVUT!!!!! 

Link: What timezone though? Nunavut has a bunch… 

Master Kohga: Hey, that’s classified information! 

(Sooga joined the chat) 

Sooga: Indeed. 

Urbosa: COMMENT OSEZ-VOUS NOUS FAIRE SILENCE, VOUS TÊTES CARRÉES! 

Riju: TÊTES CARRÉES! TÊTES CARRÉES!!!!! 

Master Kohga: I command you both to cease in the name of the LORD OF BANANAS. 

(Urbosa and Riju were permanently banned from the chat) 

Sooga: Outstanding as always, Master Kohga. 

Master Kohga: I know! And finally, I can nap in peace! 

(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat) 

Mipha: … 

Purah: Oh, hey, Impa and Paya are finally up! 

(Impa and Paya joined the chat) 

Impa: Good morning and happy Thanksgiving. 

Paya: Yes, happy Thanksgiving to everyone here! 

Purah: hey guys! 

Impa: Purah, how long have you been up for…? 

Purah: just as long as Robbie’s been up for! 

Impa: Which is…? 

Purah: The whole night! 

Impa: … 

Impa: why am I not surprised… 

Robbie: We invented a new way to make the turkey and pumpkin pie! 

Purah: Indeed, and we’ll put it to the test tonight, for our Thanksgiving dinner! 

Impa: …what… 

(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat) 

Monk Maz Koshia: Greetings, everyone. 

Link: Hey, happy Thanksgiving! 

Monk Maz Koshia: Indeed. I wish you all a prosperous autumn season. 

(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat) 

Hestu: I’ve got to go, to help the koroks with the festival! Bye guys! 

(Hestu left the chat) 

Impa: We should prepare for Thanksgiving dinner… 

Purah: By the way, sister, did you send the invitation emails to Revali, Teba, and Tulin? 

Impa: I did, but they’re yet to answer me… 

Purah: I’ll add them to the chat! 

(Purah added, Revali, Teba, and Tulin to the chat) 

Purah: Hey you guys! Happy Thanksgiving! 

Revali: Yes, happy Thanksgiving, though I was in the middle of something. 

Purah: oh, sorry… 

Teba: Happy Tha– 

Tulin: why did you wake me up MY DAD PROMISED I COULD SLEEP IN TODAY 😭 

Purah: oop 

Teba: I was just about to wake you, Tulin. It’s exactly 10:00 am. 

Link: 1:00 pm over here lmao 

(Daruk and Yunobo joined the chat) 

Daruk: 2:30 pm over ‘ere b’y! And it’s some day on clothes! 

Yunobo: Whaddaya at, mainlanders? 

Revali: …did anyone understand what they said just now? 

Impa: nope 

Robbie: I… got the gist of it 

Purah: Hey Daruk and Yunobo! What are you up to!? 

Daruk: We’ve been at dee festival dee whole day! It’s flatout over ‘ere! 

Yunobo: After six courses of turkey dinner, I’m chinched! And yet, I’ve still got room for more prog! 

Daruk: Dat’s contradictory, b’y! 

Revali: I’m so glad that I’m on the literal opposite side of the country of you two… 

Daruk: What’s rotting ya, b’y? 

Revali: I’m going to spend Thanksgiving alone. Goodbye everyone. 

(Revali left the chat) 

Mipha: To change the subject… I’m glad it’s almost time to fall back! We spend the majority of the year on the wrong time, after all… now we have a few months of the proper time to look forward to!
Sidon: YES! 

Link: I can’t wait, personally! 

Impa: I’m also looking forward to this 

Tulin: aw, you guys are lucky… 

Paya: Wait… what? You don’t… 

Teba: We don’t fall back in the Yukon. 

Robbie: … 

Daruk: must be why Revali’s sooky all the time!  

Yunobo: Wait b’y YOU’RE ON THE WRONG TIME ALL YEAR LIKE FLATSKATCHEWAN– 

Teba: Mhm. 

Tulin: we’re still better than flatskatchewan tho :D 

Purah: But anyway, Teba, Tulin, would you like to fly down here for Thanksgiving? We’re making all sorts of food. I don’t think we’ll be able to eat it all. 

Tulin: Oooh, that sounds nice! Dad, could we go? Please? 

Teba: Fine… but it’ll only work if we leave now. It’s a long flight to their home in BC. 

Tulin: Kay! Bye for now guys! 

(Teba and Tulin left the chat) 

Daruk: We better get back too! 

Yunobo: Later, b’y! 

(Daruk and Yunobo left the chat) 

Impa: We should leave to prepare for the evening… 

Paya: agreed! 

Purah: Oh, alright! Bye people! 

Robbie: Goodbye everyone, and happy Thanksgiving once again! 

(Impa, Paya, Purah, and Robbie left the chat) 

King Dorephan: I should leave as well to prepare for tonight. 

(King Dorephan left the chat) 

Sidon: Me too! And happy Thanksgiving once again! 

(Sidon left the chat) 

Mipha: Well, it’s just us now, Link. 

Link: I should put this down and continue travelling if I’m gonna make it to your place in time for dinner, though… 

Mipha: I understand! Well, see you soon, Link! 

Link: Yeah, see you! 

(Link left the chat) 

(Mipha ended the chat)