Chapter Text
“R.O.L! R.O.L! R.O.L!” The crowd shouted as thousands of people, it seemed, all congregated at the town square. Yok watched, still in awe at the number of people who still attended these rallies. He and his friends had come a long way, and Yok was proud of them all. It had been a year since they had taken down Tawi and his empire. But there were still many fights to go on, and because of this, their faces and their presence were needed at a lot of these rallies. This one was one that Yok was the face of, which was disability rights and work laws. With the help of Gram, they had created a great message, along with all the facts and numbers needed to really push home to the people at this rally.
They even convinced Namo and Eugene to perform in their own ways, too. Yok and Eugene created a beautiful mural featuring several faces that come together to form one united hand. The various colors and shapes made the mural captivating. And Eugene and her group of dancers had constructed a very nice choreography to it as well. As the crowd shouted at the top of their lungs, various people who had requested to speak at the rally took the stage.
R.O.L. slowly left the area, letting fans and fellow freedom fighters shake their hands or touch their shoulders. Last month, during one of their rallies, someone gave Black a cute, small puppy. It was a mutt but cute as hell, and he became the mascot of their little group. Although he was technically Black’s dog, he became everyone’s dog. Which Black called Mutt, and so the name stuck.
They all reached one of the empty alleys after dodging the exuberant followers. White looked exhausted, which, to be fair, he and Gumpa were the coordinators for a lot of their rallies. Sean had confessed to Yok that he wanted to take White on a little vacation soon, since his boyfriend was overworking himself. White had rejected this idea, saying there was still too much to do. That night, he heard exactly how Sean could help his man relax in other ways. It sucked being underneath the horny pair. But he was happy that White and Sean were still very much in love.
Gram and Eugene had survived three whole months before the two of them decided to remain friends. It looked as if Gram didn’t want to, but he loved and respected Eugene enough not to try to force his feelings. She knew how he felt, but she just didn’t feel the same.
Unfortunately for Gram, it was the one night that Yok decided to cruise for a warm body, so he couldn’t console his close friend. But on the upside, according to White, Gram and Black had spent the entire night together. And White believed that they may have done more than just talked and chilled. Yok didn’t care for gossiping, but he knew someone who looked well fucked. And the day after that, Gram looked like he could’ve been poured into his clothes; he looked so at ease. It was even funnier because Black looked like he was desperately trying to hide how at peace he was. For those three days, Black was a lot more calmer and easier to communicate with. And Gram looked so at peace, Yok believed Gram didn’t even know who Eugene was for those few days. There was obviously something, but neither male was saying anything. Which made sense considering how closed off Black was.
Then there was himself, and Yok would’ve been the first to say that his love life no longer consisted of “love”. After Dan had found him, they tried to give themselves another shot. And it was working, but Dan really wanted to go back to his hometown. To him, Bangkok was a reminder of the sin he committed, his cowardice, and the corruption of the city itself. All in all, it was enough to make anyone want to try somewhere else or revisit their original stomping grounds. Dan had asked Yok to come with him. The artist was tempted at first, but then flashes of his old life came to him. The life he hid from everyone, including his best friend and his Hia. The sound of waves and seagulls flying by, the smell of the ocean breeze that used to greet him every morning. He was tempted to return to that quiet life. But the moment he tried to envision himself with Dan in some place quiet and remote, another face came in and replaced Dan’s. Another face, another body type, just another person.
A person who, no matter how many years passed, he just couldn’t forget him. No matter how many nameless people he lay with, he always compared it to the one that he had first. The name was on the tip of his tongue all the time. But the moment he tried to say it out loud, Yok’s mind realized he couldn’t do this to Dan. Dan would never be the one he wanted. He could never be him, and that was enough for Yok to put an end to their relationship. Besides, he still had a lot of work to do as a member of R.O.L. With a goodbye and a wave, Yok silently cried, wishing that he could’ve loved this man the way he loved him.
Back in the present, Yok found himself running down a dilapidated building with his friends as they reached their bikes. They had wanted to go for a ride after the rally, but they knew that if the people saw them leave and go to their bikes, it would be a lot more chaotic than they wanted. So, all at once, they all roared their engines to life, Sean looking slightly put off that White was taking his bike instead of riding pillion.
They had all gotten nice bikes, courtesy of White and Black. Both their parents disowned them, but they both had wealthy grandparents who gave them a private account that was only in their names. Because of this, the two wanted to give something back to their community and their friends. So, with the help of Gumpa, they bought an apartment building in Gumpa’s name, and they would all be his tenants.
It was an old building, one that wasn’t far from the Youth Center that he, White, and Gumpa frequented. As did the rest. Gumpa ran the mechanical department to help teach kids how to handle and repair bikes, cars, and other mechanical objects. White taught their computer department by volunteering his skills with computers to teach them how to code, and other fun activities with computers. It doesn’t help that on certain days, they would forgo the teaching and play games instead. But a lot of the kids liked Yok and his art department. He taught many young people how to draw and paint more effectively. He even showed the kids some murals he and his friends had made. A lot of them wanted to go, but since they were all roughly between the ages of twelve and seventeen, he didn’t want them to get in trouble with their folks or the center to get in trouble either. So, he never told them where they would do their paintings. It did not stop some of them from secretly finding out. He was lucky they were good at keeping secrets; otherwise, he’d be in a lot of shit.
The twins had also bought the entire group nicer bikes. They were still a little rough around the edges, but new and easier to manage than some of the old ones they had. The duo could’ve easily bought the newest stuff, but they both agreed not to rely too heavily on their family’s money, even if it came from their long-dead grandparents, which Yok could respect. It was nice to have on hand in case they needed it for absolute emergencies or, worse, had to pick up and run before they got killed.
The group looked to Gumpa, who was their leader, no matter what he said, and followed him as they all rode. Yok wasn’t like White, Gram, or Black, who looked like totally different people when they rode. The three of them took to riding like a fish in water. The most information Sean had ever shared with Yok was about how much he loved riding with White. Because it was those nights was when White was the most vocal and demanding. It took everything in him not to push Sean off his bike. But he understood that if he had someone who rode a motorcycle the way White did, he’d be just as vocal. But the six of them rode till they reached their favorite scenic route. They all hooted and shouted as they drove through the surprisingly non-traffic-jammed roads. It was probably because of their rallies, many people just walked there, so the streets were surprisingly easy to ride in.
They rode for about an hour before they all returned to Gumpa’s shop, cheering as they rode. Night was approaching fast, and the six men had a big party lined up. Yok got off his bike, and the moment he did, Sean damn near tackled him as he slung his long arm over his neck and dragged him to their sitting area.
“Alright! It’s time!” Sean shouted as the rest of the gang scattered, leaving Sean and Yok at their table. Yok knew what was coming the moment he heard their footsteps.
“Happy birthday to you.” They all started to sing Happy Birthday. The artist smiled his million-dollar smile. His hair was ruffled by his best friend, who clapped his hands and cheered when the song was over. Wrapped his arms around the waist of his short lover, who smiled brightly at Yok. Black placed the cake on their pool table and cheered with the rest of them, in a Black sort of way, which was a smile and a nod. Yok made his wish and extinguished the candles. The crowd cheered and started to cut the cake while Gumpa went to the back and brought out a cooler filled with chilling beers. While Gram pulled a large bag of fried chicken. Beginning Yok’s birthday party.
~~**~~
The party was still going strong, but Yok was sitting on one of the couches watching as Sean and Black, who were both pretty inebriated, started an arm-wrestling tournament. The two men still didn’t like one another. They both loved White, and with that, they were cordial with one another. But cordial to them was not fighting with one another, that didn’t have gloves or a mat. Black especially didn’t think Sean was good enough for his little brother, and Sean didn’t think Black was a good brother to White. But both could agree on one thing: they both knew the other would die for White. That alone was the biggest reason why they respected one another. Yok watched his friends trying to one-up one another as Gumpa sat beside him with a beer in his hand.
“You enjoying yourself?” Yok smiled as he looked at his Hia and nodded.
“Drinking a beer and watching my best friend and his brother-in-law do a pissing contest is hilarious. What’s not to enjoy?” He said, sitting back, clanking his bottle to Gumpa’s. Eugene, Namo, and their mural buddies attended as well, but they came a little later. So, they were all encouraging themselves, watching Sean and Black trying to pick a fight with one another without taking a swing. All the while, White and Gram were trying hard to keep them from entering any more competitions. Gumpa chuckled and shook his head.
“Yeah, but do you wish he was here, too?” Gumpa knew how Yok felt about Dan and how the betrayal that happened between them really damaged their future. But he also knew that when Yok was with Dan, he didn’t have the wistful look of a young man deep in love. And even now, the artist didn’t look as heartbroken as someone who had deep-seated emotions towards their ex. Yok sighed, looking away from the free entertainment.
“Hia, I couldn’t leave all this even if I wanted to. Besides, can you imagine me in a small town in the cuts? Really?” Yok spoke in his usual sarcastic tone and tried to lighten the conversation. He knew that Gumpa knew what he was trying to do, and he was grateful that the guy took pity on him and scoffed and nodded. Thinking about someone who was as into the concrete jungle lifestyle as Yok, going to some quiet town just didn’t suit the mural painter.
“Yeah, with your slutty ass, getting a guy that far in the cuts would be damn near impossible. Unless you trick some rice paddy farmer’s son.” He teased. To which Yok damn near choked on his drink with laughter.
“Fuck you, Hia.” He said, trying to wipe the beer and saliva off his mouth. Thankfully, it didn’t come out of his nose.
“Not if your dick was the last dick on earth.” Gumpa remarked, drinking a swig of his beer. And that’s how the conversation about Dan ended, but Yok knew it wouldn’t be the last one. Gram and White were the only ones who didn’t have a negative opinion about Dan. The two understood that he was in a dilemma, choosing between a guy you knew for roughly a week versus your parents. Even if it was love at first sight, it’s hard to choose something like that. But Sean and Black were merciless when it came to Dan. To them, he deserved to be drawn and quartered. It made sense, with Sean’s father being Tawi’s drug mule, and his mother just physically and mentally giving up till it ended her. And Black’s mom abandoned him long ago, as did their father way before her. To them, parents were just as able to betray you as a stranger. The difference was, their betrayal will always hit differently. But Yok still had his mom, and he loved her very much. She was the foundation of a lot of what made him Yok. Gumpa may not have liked Dan, but he knew Yok did, which was why he brought him up.
~~**~~
The party was still going strong when Yok vanished from the group. They were going to party all night, and he wanted to be asleep before he heard the horny drunken noises of his bestie and his boyfriend. He climbed up the three flights of stairs right below his friend’s home, and across from him was Black’s room; Gram was next door to Sean and White.
He removed his bag and fished out his keys; the newly replaced light bulb made it easy for him to see, or else his slightly drunk ass would’ve taken all night to find it. He opened the door to his empty studio. It had furnishings, including a bed that doubled as a couch, and a set of books on a shelf that was initially meant for DVDs and games, although it served as that too. Paintings that he was proud of adorned his walls, and various bands also shared the space.
He wasn’t a clean person, mainly because he was an artist; they were just wired to deal with chaos. There were clothes thrown about, and his bed was just as he left it last night, but there weren’t any dirty dishes or leftover food. He was dirty, not a slob. He turned on the TV, used to seeing the closed captions on the screen for his deaf mother, who still lived in her old place. And he’d visit her from time to time, but he was happy he had his own place, which made bringing men over easier. There was nothing going on with the news, just highlights of the rally that he was a part of. Taking off all his clothes for a shower, he turned on the blistering hot water and allowed himself to soak. Every year since he left his old life, he always did this. It would start off with a blistering hot shower and end with him dreaming of a long-broken dream.
He closed his eyes and started to see the faces he left behind, the faces that looked up to him, faces that adored him, and the one face he could never remove from his mind. Once he felt truly hollowed out and open, he looked at himself in the reflection, watching the seven years of the past hitting his body. He was maybe now 24 and didn’t look it, but his eyes were the telling sign of his age. Not the bags because of sleepless nights of painting something that wouldn’t leave him. Or the nights he and his friends would go off tagging some buildings that were bought with dirty money. No, it was how hollow they looked when he saw himself. There were moments when he hated himself and wanted to crawl into a ball and cease to exist. And there were moments where he would just find someone to fuck him into oblivion in the hopes of escaping the hollowness. But birthdays, birthdays always, were the days he hated himself the most. Even now, after seven years.
Turning off the light as he dried himself off, he went into his closet and pulled out his white button-up shirt that he used to wear for college, but he graduated last semester, and blue shorts. They were longer than the ones he wore when he was younger, but they managed to capture the illusion. Finally, he moved the various sneakers off a secret panel on the closet floor, removed the bottom, and revealed a box. His hand shook as he removed the lid, admiring the very familiar design of moon and sun, forming into an eclipse, all in a beautiful pattern on the back. There were many days he wanted to tattoo this on his body, so he made sure it would be in a spot that only those who saw him naked would see. But then, those that would see him naked would see that tattoo, and that was a level of vulnerability he was uncomfortable with anyone seeing. Let alone knowing he had on his body. So, no tattoo of the design.
He lifted the sweater and shook it out. He always washed it once a season to keep it fresh and prevent it from being eaten by moths. He was a bit taller than the sweater was used to, but he still could fit it fine enough. He shook it out and walked to his wall mirror that he kept in front of his bathroom door. He stared at himself and felt himself going back in time, roughly seven years. He closed his eyes, and he heard the familiar voices call out to him.
“Oi, A’Akk. ” Kan’s rough voice.
“Akk?” Thua’s soft voice.
“Aaakk. ” Watt’s whining voice
“Phi .” Namo’s hopeful voice.
Just as the voices of his first friends washed over him, the last voice had him opening his eyes to stare at a face he would always remember during these days.
“Akk. ” The soft voice with a mischievous note at the end. This had him staring at the manifestation of his memories.
“Ayan.” He breathed into the illusion of the boy who loved him the most. The one he, to this day, could not forget. The one to this day, he was comparing to everyone around him too. The one who he still loved with everything in him, no matter how many years had passed. The moment he blinked, the face of the boy vanished. No longer could he see that sweet, mischievous smile that caused butterflies to form in his gut. No longer was his unbelievably soft hair present in his vision. No longer were his eyes filled with so much pain and heartache; that always looked at him with love and understanding. Yok could feel the tears prick in his vision and the signs of a deep sob about to break out of his chest. He silently turned off the lights, turned off the tv, and dropped onto his bed, covering himself with the memories of the boy who changed him for better and worse.
“Ayan.”