Chapter Text
Nia seemed to have calmed down since Mi-an served her tea. The blonde took it carefully, cradling the hot mug in her hands like it was a lifeline. Mi-an didn’t ask anything yet. It didn’t feel right if she did. But she kept her eyes on Nia, subtle glances and the paranoia that was too familiar for her. It crept so easily that Mi-an couldn’t stop it before it was too late.
The one thing that Mi-an recently discovered as she started getting closer with Nia was that they were able to share comfortable silences. Which was odd because she thought Nia was outgoing, chatty and incredibly positive. She was like the personification of a rainbow showing after a rainy day. The one thing that Mi-an liked about her. And it was amazing to her because despite Nia being like that, she was also capable of being calm, quiet, grounding.
Mi-an wasn’t sure if she got along with everyone in town. She had Elsie, but that was a different case if she wanted to be honest. Then there were the twins. Both amazing friends, reliable, each with different personalities that were unexpected and endearing. But anything beyond that she couldn’t picture it out so well.
Yan had done a number to her self-esteem, or because he made her workday and night without any compensation, with all the gaslighting and the backhanded comments, she didn’t know how to see herself in a better light. So, it resulted in her becoming this awkward walking piece of bread who tried to be everyone’s friend but at the back of her mind, she knew people were just doing it for the sake of Mayor Trudy and the builders.
Even Logan was awkward around her.
But for some reason, things were just different from Nia. The comfortable silences made Mi-an realize that some people do want her company only. That she didn’t need to say the right thing, do the right thing, she didn’t need to fix anything, to accept multiple commissions. Nia just wanted her there, she made her feel different and not in a strange way, maybe something special? She wasn’t sure, but it was there, and she felt it. Maybe that was why she stopped being sad as shit for Nia. It felt like the blonde needed the comfort more.
“Sorry,” Nia finally spoke, but it was more of a mumble than anything. “I just… I just felt wrong.”
Mi-an pursed her lips, not knowing she was already clenching her own mug of tea until the heat reached her skin. “You… You wanna talk about it?”
The blonde took a sip from her tea, then immediately set it aside. There was silence again and Mi-an didn’t mind. She knew that she shouldn’t push anyone to say what was on their mind, so she kept quiet. But before she could let her mind relax, Nia scooted over, placed her head on her shoulder and let out a breath. Mi-an immediately went rigid, heat shooting to her neck all the way to her ears. She could smell Nia’s scent, like lemongrass and soil, something that was starting to be comforting and familiar.
“Can we stay like this for a while?” Nia asked, words said in a whisper.
She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, so she clenched the fabric of her trousers and nodded. “O-Of course. Whatever you need.”
Nia let out a breath, and it sounded like relief, which Mi-an should find comfort in. That was a good sign. Nia was safe with her, and she needed to keep it that way.
“Do you wanna stargaze?” Nia suddenly asked, head still leaning on her shoulder. “It doesn’t have to be now, but maybe on another night? I’ve always wanted to stargaze again. I used to do it with the twins back when we were kids. But…” her voice trailed, the mood immediately shifted. “We’re adults and they have things going on, so…”
Oh.
Was that why she was feeling this way?
Did she miss the twins?
Well… that made sense because the three went way back and they were all best friends. But Moose was married now, he was going to start his new life with Amirah, maintaining the workshop, thinking about kids. Then there was Sophie, who was busy with renovating the abandoned houses around town, eyeing one of them so she could purchase it since she wanted to have a house of her own. Not to mention that she had been glued to Grace’s side ever since the battle with Duvos finally died down.
Nia moved to Sandrock because she loved it here, and Mi-an could tell that she wanted to because she wanted to be with the twins again. Maybe it was already at this day and age where they were all growing up and moving on with their lives.
Poor Nia.
But that didn’t mean Mi-an should just watch and feel useless. Nia was just lucky that Mi-an actually loved watching the stars at night. But alone, and when she was feeling sad.
At least this time, someone was coming with her.
Without thinking, she grabbed Nia’s hand, startling the girl. Green eyes met hers and Mi-an smiled. “We can do it now,” she said, determined. “Lemme just grab my picnic blanket.”
And just like magic, Nia’s lost expression slowly transformed into the same cheerful smile that Mi-an loved looking at. “Okay.”
Watching the stars at night wasn’t something unfamiliar for Mi-an. The one thing that no one knew about her was that when everyone was settling down in their beds, getting ready for sleep, she would go out at exactly eleven in the evening, quietly climb on top of Qi’s roof and look at the stars alone. The director knew that she did that on some nights, and as a great neighbor who had no time for interpersonal relationships, he never bothered to ask her why and just allowed her to do what she wanted. The only catch was that she shouldn’t touch his telescope.
That was fine. Mi-an didn’t need it anyway.
It was the feeling of being alone with her thoughts, giving herself time to breathe, or maybe even just letting her emotions waft away with the wind. It was a precious time for her, despite her sadness slowly creeping in and gnawing at her. She liked the time alone. Plus, it was fine because it was a regulated activity. Ten minutes at most. Then she goes home and sleeps.
This time was different.
She was honestly surprised with herself. Because this time was different. She didn’t bring Nia to Qi’s roof. Nor did she allow only ten minutes. Her stargazing was always ten minutes. Nothing more, nothing less. It always started at eleven in the evening and it was always alone.
And yet, here she was, by the cliffside near Paradise Lost, a picnic blanket underneath their butts, watching the stars with Nia past midnight. This was new and liberating, if she wanted to ignore the guilt creeping inside of her head, it definitely was exciting.
Growing up, she really wasn’t the type to break the rules or do things that were out of the ordinary for her. She had a whole day of work tomorrow, she had a long list of things to do with Wei. She should be worried about herself and how she was going to go through the day with little hours of sleep. If she didn’t sleep at eleven thirty, then what was going to happen to her in the morning? Her alarm was at six in the morning, she had to make breakfast, get ready and then start with her work.
But for some reason, she didn’t care about all of that. She didn’t think about her alarm, nor about breakfast, and not even about work. For the first time, she didn’t care about all of that. She was honestly just… in awe looking at Nia admiring the stars above them. Like a blanket of white, shining dots, hovering above them. Nia was quiet, but her eyes told so many words and Mi-an… she was just glad to let Nia have this moment.
“You know what’s funny?” Nia suddenly spoke and Mi-an turned to look at her. “I don’t even know anything about constellations,” she said with a giggle. Then she looked back at her and smiled. “I just get this really nice feeling whenever I’m under the stars.”
“I don’t know anything about it either,” Mi-an said softly, a little too distracted by Nia’s smile than the many stars above them. “So, when you’re with the twins, what do you guys usually do?”
Sadly, Nia’s smile faltered, something a little more sentimental and hurt showed. “We would lie down on the grass and Moose would start blubbering stuff about space and aliens while Sophie made fun of him for being a nerd.”
A snort came out of her. She always noticed how serious and curious Moose was, who had a fun fact ready to share whenever they talked about tools and such. Sophie was more of the outgoing type, who had a joke and a smile ready for everyone. But imagining the three of them as kids, watching the stars together made Mi-an feel something warm inside her chest.
She honestly wondered what Nia looked like as a kid. Probably just as noisy and just as jolly as she was now. The thought made her chest even warmer. Something tickled inside of her, something unfamiliar and weird. But she shrugged it off and laid on the blanket. Nia whipped her head at her and let out a giggle.
“What are you doing?”
Mi-an shrugged. “Just trying to see what you guys saw back then.” She then glanced at the blonde. “You’re welcome to join me here.”
Without argument, Nia followed, nestling right next to her as they stared at the sky together. Silence filled them again, and it was the good kind, the kind that Mi-an loved so much. Their silence was accompanied by hush, honest words, with breathing that was in sync with hers, the feeling of forgetting about all her worries and just pure… bliss.
Mi-an’s sadness had its way of controlling her, it came and it went whenever it wanted. Sometimes when she had a reason to be sad, and when she didn’t have a reason at all. It was always there, and she just didn’t know how to address it. Drowning herself with work had always been the easiest option. Taking care of Sandrock, loving its entirety, the people—everything. It was so easy to drown herself in all of that. But she knew that it wasn’t always going to be like that. There were days when the sadness was too loud, where it weighed her down and not even yakmel milk could solve it.
But then there were moments when the sadness would park at the side and allow her to breathe. These were those moments and a part of her was glad that Nia was here with her. Maybe she was starting to become that person for her.
Her eyes went wide when she felt a warm feeling touching her hand. She turned her head to look at Nia, who was still looking up at the stars, her hand slowly inched forward, their palms touching, fingertips brushing her skin like electricity, and then, their fingers intertwined as if it was the most natural thing to happen.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Nia whispered, eyes never moving from the sky. “I felt like doing it.”
Mi-an gulped, her hand suddenly getting clammy and warm. But with the last circuits of her brain working, she moved her fingers slowly, holding onto Nia’s hand more securely.
What… What was happening?
She never held hands with someone before. Why was this happening? What was going on with her head? Was there a war waging inside of her chest?
This couldn’t be her madness and agony making all the noise. This was something else. Something foreign and unrecognizable. But what was it?
The feeling of Nia’s hand on hers was… loud. She couldn’t explain it. She felt everything. The softness, the tingly feeling it gave her, the electricity. The fluttering in her chest. It was there. Raw and real. Mi-an held onto Nia a little tighter and the blonde reacted the same, like if they let go, one would slip away.
She couldn’t get this. There was something happening to her and she couldn’t understand it. She wanted to know the answer, she wanted to know if it was going to threaten her friendship with Nia.
Nia turned to her again, leaning dangerously close, where the scent of lemongrass and flowers grew even more pungent. Mi-an felt her heart shoot up to her throat when soft lips pressed against her cheek. She stared at Nia with big eyes and a confused heart that thumped and roared inside of her. Nia stared back, pink dusting her cheeks and eyes turning into crescents.
“Thank you, Mi-an,” she whispered. “I’ll never forget this.”
It was six in the morning.
Usually, Mi-an would just be getting out of bed—sometimes forcing herself out—then she made breakfast, had her usual mug of tea, then she showered, washed her hair and then got dressed, fixed her favorite hat over her head and then started the day.
But this morning was different.
It was six in the morning, and she was standing outside of the twin’s workshop gate, hair in disarray, hat lost somewhere inside her house, she wasn’t able to sleep, wasn’t able to eat her breakfast nor did she take a shower.
Her thoughts had kept her up all night and she didn’t sleep a wink. But she didn’t need sleep. She needed answers.
The door to Moose’s house opened and Amirah stepped out, paused midway and stared at Mi-an like she was some wild animal trespassing their property.
Amirah shook her head and eyes wide and finally rushed towards her. “Mi-an? Oh my god, are you okay?” she quickly asked, opening the gate for her.
Mi-an was about to answer but Moose came out of the door right after, he gave the exact same expression as his wife and also was about to say something. Then it hit Mi-an again. Her eyes darted from Moose to Amirah. Then she grabbed Amirah’s hand, rushing to the entrance of their house, grabbing Moose in tow.
“Perfect, I need to talk to both of you. You’re the right people to answer my questions,” she said rushing them inside.
Amirah was baffled, Moose blinked but shrugged as they were being taken away. “Alright. Do you wanna have breakfast with us?”
"Sure, whatever."
Then the door closed.