Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As Cal stood in front of the Shyyyo bird, just after forcing the Ninth Sister's retreat, he listened back to all of the insults and threats she spat at him throughout their battle. How he was trash, how she felt a fight against the Empire was hopeless, and how much pleasure she would take in turning him into an Inquisitor. Cal shivered at the thoughts, contemplating whether what she said was true, and the possibility that he could become an Inquisitor too. With a buzz from BD-1 and a cry from the Shyyyo bird, though, he was forced to snap out of it and fly on the bird back down the Origin Tree, and then make his way back to the Mantis.

After avoiding more fights with the local creatures and the Empire, Cal retreated back into the Mantis, and gave reports of his findings to Cere, "Cordova says that we need to find a Zeffo artifact known as an Astrium, which is found in their temple on Dathomir,"

"Dathomir!" Greez cried out from the cockpit, "Hell no, kid. That place gives me the creeps."

"Greez," Cere interjected, "We need to find the Jedi Holocron. If Dathomir is where we have to go, then we're going to have to manage."

"Alright, alright, setting course for Dathomir now." Greez said, finishing the conversation as Cal decided to silently retreat to the back of the ship in order to meditate quietly during their journey.

As Cal meditated, he saw visions. Of him, finally collecting the holocron after every task of Cordova's has been fulfilled. As he looked up from the holocron in his hands, however, he saw a twisted, shadowy reflection of himself staring back with yellow eyes, which forced Cal to snap out of his meditation from fear. The sharp breath he took after alerted BD-1, who was carefully watching him while he meditated, as well as Cere, who was resting on the couch nearby.

BD-1 beeped in a concerned tone as Cere walked over to Cal to investigate. "What'd you see?" she asked, almost knowingly.

"The holocron," Cal replied quickly, trying to not let on about the shadowy figure, "I fear the Empire or one of the Inquisitors might be following our progress," he added, trying to dismiss the fact that the shadow mirrored him.

Cere hummed worriedly, "I'm sure they won't get to it before us, Cal. Don't worry too much about it."
Cal gave a small nod as Greez called them to take their seats so the Mantis could safely land them in Dathomir. And as they landed, Greez remarked "Geez, kid. Are you sure Cordova said Dathomir? 'Cause now that we're here, this place really does give me the creeps."

"Yes, Greez, I'm sure. I'll try and make my trip as short as possible." Cal laughed as the Mantis's door opened up into the harsh Dathomirian atmosphere.

----- timeskip because describing what Cal does in order to get the items he needs to make it into the Tomb of Kujet is unneeded here (he also meets Taron Malicos and Merrin but they become more relevant after all of that) -----

"Finally," Cal narrated aloud to himself and BD-1, "we've made it to the Tomb...again." He chuckled slightly as he got the door to the tomb open, not heeding the advice of the hooded figure he met earlier in his journey.

The tomb was dark. Filled with Dathomirian creatures and Nightbrothers alike, all aiming to take Cal down as he looked around to try and open the second door of the tomb, he sat down to meditate, hoping the force could give him guidance into opening the door.

Instead, when he opened his eyes, he was not faced with the tomb, but instead his master, Jaro Tapal, towering above him, scaring Cal into pulling himself away, while unable to stand. Jaro continued to stare at him, before drawing his blade and speaking in a distorted tone, "My former padawan. You are foolish to try and infiltrate the Rebellion you abandoned."

"Abandoned? Master, I-" Cal started to speak, but was cut off by Jaro leaping towards him, forcing Cal to draw his blade to defend himself, nearly in tears as he choked out, "Is this another test, master?", before noticing that his blade wasn't its usual Jedi blue, but instead a striking Sith red, and as Cal noticed this, he looked down briefly at himself to see black gloves and an...Inquisitor's outfit. Jumping back further away from Jaro, he then felt his breathing distorted by a mask covering his mouth and nose, a sharp pain in his right arm and hand, and a seething fear and anger boiling inside of him that he couldn't comprehend in time for Jaro to try and strike him again, forcing Cal to defend himself.

"I can't believe you'd betray your order, Cal," Jaro started, still distorted, his stance against Cal weakening slightly, though Cal doesn't take advantage, "Did the Force lead you down this path? Or did you betray the last piece of knowledge I gave to you?"
"No, master, I wouldn't-" But this time the mask cut Cal off, as he felt himself lose control and watched as he swung hard at his former master, pushing Jaro back as he used a flurry of attacks in order to try and further break him. Though Cal wasn't in control anymore, he could feel himself sobbing, cowering inside his own mind, filling himself with a fear unknown to him before this, watching helplessly still as he tried to kill the master he cared for so deeply. Though, Jaro was able to fight back, slicing through the hilt of Cal's lightsaber, and just before Jaro could finish him-

BD-1 kicked Cal, forcing himself back into his own body, awake once again on the floor of the tomb. Cal felt the dried tears on his face as he hastily got up, trying to switch on his lightsaber only to find his kyber crystal cracked, and glowing a piercing red. Cal panicked, though luckily able to excuse his lack of a lightsaber on it being cracked rather than just trying to hide the fact it was red. He felt around his body quickly, noticing he was still in his normal outfit, with no pain in his arm and no mask choking him. Though this relieved him, he decided that it was too dangerous to continue without a lightsaber, and he retreated quickly to the Mantis, using his force abilities to make his way through the hoard of undead Nightsisters. He then got on the ship and yelled to Greez, "Just get off! Get out of here!", to which Greez did as he was told as Cal collapsed, his legs shaking uncontrollably.

"What happened in there, Cal?" Cere asked, "Where do we need to go next?"

"My lightsaber," Cal started, "The crystal was destroyed. I had." He stopped. He couldn't tell Cere what he saw. What he felt. He knew it would only create more issues. "Visions of my master being disappointed in me, blaming me for his death, " He continued, lying to Cere as confidently as he could.

"Well," Cere didn't question him further, "Then we must head to Ilum. You need a saber to continue the fight."

"Sounds good to me, " Cal replied, with a bit of relief that Cere didn't ask to see any more evidence or prod him any further. Cere then made her way to the cockpit to talk to Greez, BD-1 following to make its comments, while Cal retreated further into the Mantis, resting alone with his thoughts as they flew to Ilum.

BD-1 shook him awake moments later, as Greez had made it quickly to Ilum. “Come on, kid!” Greez called out. “Take a proper seat! It’s time for landing.”

Cal followed BD-1 to the cockpit, sitting next to Greez as he saw Ilum for the first time in over a decade. The last time he was here, he certainly wasn’t wielding his master’s lightsaber, corrupted by his anger and fear.

“Good luck on your journey, Cal,” Cere said as she guided him gently to the door of the Mantis, “Just remember your padawan days, though it probably isn’t the same, I’m sure you’ll make it through.”

“Thanks, Cere. I’ll see you once I have this thing repaired,” Cal replied, waving around his broken saber while hiding the potential glimmers of red from the kyber crystal inside.

As Cal stepped out, he felt the cold air of Ilum envelop him in… memories. He walked slowly as visions of padawans before and with him raced each other to the entrance of the Jedi Temple, catching a glimpse of himself as a padawan walking alongside his master as the visions faded.

“Come on, BD. Let’s go get this thing fixed.” Cal declares, with BD-1 giving a beep in reply as they rushed into the snow towards the Jedi Temple, with Cal remembering the way almost perfectly, though some areas are more rundown than they were when he was last here.

After Cal made his way to the temple, he reminisced more on his days as a young padawan, “I remember Master Yoda solving these puzzles for us,” Cal began as he lugged the old Jedi puzzle piece to get the door open, “He made it look so easy. But maybe everything’s just a bit rusty now.”

As the entrance to the inner caves unlocked, Cal pulled out his master’s saber, tainted by his hatred and fear, and then looked up to see his master beginning to guide his padawan self through the intricate cave systems within. Following in their footsteps, though at a distance as if he could’ve disturbed them, he was guided to one of the very few remaining kyber crystals on Ilum. Just as Cal stepped forward to grab the kyber crystal, his padawan self seemed to take it, and place it in his lightsaber instead. Cal stepped forward in disbelief, only to see his memory of this moment altered, as Jaro pushed his younger self out of the way of…

“Do not come closer, Sith.” Jaro hissed at him. “I don’t know how you got here, but you will not hurt a single padawan under my care.”

Cal tried to form pleading words of forgiveness, but he could only feel himself sigh out and lose control once again, feeling as he ruthlessly attacked his master. The red blade coming from his black hilt blinded him, as he continued to try and choke out words of sorrow and disgust.

But then, before he could stop himself.

Cal was back on the ship he was when Order 66 happened. Where he was forced to flee from the clones he trusted, and abandon his way of life in order to survive. And Jaro was on the ground in front of him, slashed through with his blade.

“How could you?” Jaro choked out, as Cal went wide-eyed at the scene in front of him.

“No, please, master!” Cal cried out, watching as the clothes on his body shifted from the black armour of the Inquisitorus to his old padawan robes, shaking his master’s body for any sign of life, “Don’t leave me, please!” But Cal knew he had no choice but to run, grabbing his master’s blade as he dodged and weaved through clones and their bolts, making his way into the escape pod he remembered so horribly and blasted into the abyss of space.

Cal remembered feeling scared in that moment. He remembered feeling betrayal and hatred towards the clones he’d once trusted with his life. This time going through it, however, he reached a moment of clarity.

For all the visions he’d seen of himself being a Dark Side wielder. Of him being an Inquisitor. They were of a future that wasn’t going to happen, and of a past that didn’t exist. He realized that although he had a right to how he felt in that moment, the guilt of his master’s death didn’t need to rest on his shoulders like he had caused it. Jaro wanted him to survive. He didn’t plead for Cal to have spared him, but gave him his saber and told him to run.

And then he was back in the cavern in Ilum. With a sigh of relief and clarity, he was now holding the kyber crystal he needed to fix his saber and be on his way…

As it broke in his hand.

Cal panicked once more. This had never happened. He was never told this could happen. What was going to happen now?

Then, he took a deep breath, as he felt the shards of both the red crystal and blue crystal signal to him. Closing his eyes, as if it was instinct, he used the force to remove the red crystal shards from his lightsaber, lifted the blue crystal shards from his hand, and gently weaved them together, perfectly combining their attributes together to counter the red, to calm it, and bring himself back into a balance in the force.

As he opened his eyes, he saw the solid white kyber crystal floating in front of him, before quickly grabbing it to prevent it falling on the ground.

He knew this didn’t signal the end of his struggle with the dark side, but as he put the white crystal into his lightsaber and ignited it, he knew he would always return to the light.

Chapter Text

Cal stared at the infinite dark of space as Bode’s spaceship made its way from Nova Garon to Tanalorr. Merrin closely gripped his hand before platforms emerged covered in troopers there to take Cal down. It didn’t seem to phase Cal at all, however. No fear passed his mind, for all Cal could focus on was Bode. As Merrin spoke to Cal, he heard nothing as she teleported away to take care of some of the enemies further ahead.

Tapping into his pure, seething anger, he felt his ability to slow others using the Force power up significantly. As each wave of enemies appeared to try and take him down, he slowed their movements to the point where they practically looked frozen to him, and sliced through them all with ease. Every noise they made, whether it was fear, pain or threats went on completely deaf ears as Cal sliced through everyone that was left in his path.

Merrin felt her blood run almost cold when she saw what Cal was doing. Impressive as it may have been, she recognized that dead look in his eyes. Same as Taron Malicos when he sliced through Nightbrothers who disobeyed him, and when he tried to kill Cal. She knew she had to snap Cal out of it before he became completely consumed by it, so she teleported towards him and grabbed him in a hug.

Cal felt Merrin’s warmth, and light seemed to flicker back into his eyes for a moment…

Until Land Denvik emerged from one of the side doors. The man who had hired Bode to do this to them. The man who promised Bode protection long before Cal or Merrin had ever come into the picture. The man who was about to face all of the rage Cal had built up inside him, since, right then, there was no handsome face to attach this rage to. No poor widowed father with a child to care for. Nope. Just the sick man who hired him.

Cal let go of Merrin and began flying into a rage at Denvik, who stood there terrified. And not getting the responses Cal wanted out of Denvik, he lifted him up by his throat and began to choke him.

“Cal, Cal!” Merrin yelled, grabbing Cal’s free hand, “His life is not worth this! You falling towards the dark once more is not worth this!”

This seemed to successfully snap Cal out of it again, as he dropped Denvik. Looking down at the hand he used to choke him out, Cal felt… disgusted. Horrified, even. He thought he’d put the Dark Side largely behind him. His white sabers showed that he’d claimed control over that part of him. But now? The guilt. The pain. The hatred. It was all coming back now in a new form he didn’t think was possible.

“Come, Kestis. Let’s rest in the Mantis.” Merrin suggested softly, guiding Cal towards the ship just as Greez was landing it.

Cal wanted to fight back. He didn’t want rest, he wanted to hunt down Bode for all he’s done to him. But the words wouldn’t form in his mouth. Not while he was still processing the fact that his progress in controlling his emotions was going back down to where he was 5 or 6 years ago. So he let Merrin lead him onto the ship, silent as he sat down on the couch and stared at the table blankly. Greez could sense the tension in the air, even without the force, and so stayed quiet as Merrin walked with Greez back to the cockpit to explain what happened.

Taking this opportunity of being left unsupervised, Cal went to the back of the Mantis, where he’d set up a bed in place of his workbench. Big enough for three, right by his meditation carpet where he’d spend so much of his downtime. He continued staring it down as he felt the Mantis take off of Nova Garon to drift in space. Remembering the words of Santari Khri, he knew they’d have to go back to Koboh next. But Cal’s body felt heavy. He’d need to find the central control centre, wherever it was, and get somebody to activate it remotely, and then finding their way through, and that all just seemed like too much.

Merrin emerged from the cockpit after a bit, and then noticed Cal wasn’t on the couch and went to grab him from the backroom. Once she got hold of Cal’s hand once again, he turned towards her and collapsed into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Merrin wasn’t as much of a crier, but to say there were no tears would be a lie.

They couldn’t sleep in that bed anymore. It was tainted with their memories of Bode, or at least the man they thought he was. They’d trusted him with their lives, only for Bode to take the lives of two of the people they cared about most and run off with one of the hardest-to-obtain things Cal had ever fought to obtain. They were so close to Tanalorr but now Bode had the only key.

So Merrin and Cal went and laid down on the couch, Cal resting on top of Merrin as if he couldn’t support his own body anymore. Greez tried to offer them tea, but neither could stomach anything more than water. Instead, they headed to Pyloon’s Saloon, sleeping on the floor, since the bed on the Mantis wasn’t the only one Bode slept in.

Once Merrin and Cal awoke the next morning, the two silently got to work breaking apart everything on those two beds, tossing out the pillows, the duvet, and the sheets that covered them. Then, they carried these to a makeshift bonfire on the outskirts of the town, setting all of the wood and fabric ablaze with a slash from Cal’s lightsaber and a spell from Merrin.

No one dared come near, even though usually bonfires were used for celebration, it seemed everyone in town noticed the silence and knew it was no time to break out into dance or song.

“We can’t let our anger consume us, Cal,” Merrin began, breaking the nearly 24-hour long silence. “It will only hurt us more-”

Cal cut her off, “Bode took so much from us.”

Merrin replied, “And your anger towards him will only serve to take you away from me and Greez.”

Cal knew she was right. Not only was it against both Jaro Tapal’s and Cere’s advice and teachings, but he knew anger only steered him to make the wrong decisions. To feel things in a way he shouldn’t. Avenging Cere’s death wouldn’t be through turning it into the very evil she and Cal had both fought off from their minds. “We still have to confront him.”

“Of course,” Merrin said as she nuzzled against his neck, staring at the blazing bonfire, “But that is a tomorrow problem, for we deserve more rest.”

Cal nodded as they sat down, laid back, and watched the fire slowly turn to ash as they fell asleep.

The next morning, Cal had come up with his plan. As he’d figured out where the central Array control center was, he would get it working again before grabbing Zee and telling her the signal they would give when they needed her to activate it, and then setting off to the Abyss surrounding Tanalorr and flying through it successfully once the Arrays had been switched on.

Going through and getting it all set up wasn’t too difficult, and after making sure Zee was in place, he rushed back to the Mantis, flying to the edge of the Abyss before calling and giving Zee the signal.

The beams of yellow light zoomed past and around the Mantis, lighting the way to Tanalorr. Finally.

And wasting no time, the crew starts flying through it.

“Geez, kid, this pathway isn’t very large!” Greez commented, as the Mantis skillfully dodged flying masses of Koboh matter. “And it looks like it’s only getting smaller!”

Cal and Merrin looked at each other, then out at the growing amount of Koboh matter, and while it wasn’t too close to consuming the ship, they realized they might not make it to Tanalorr, even with Greez pushing the Mantis to its top speed.

At first, Cal thought that maybe Zee had accidentally stopped paying attention, but calling Zee unfortunately confirmed that she was trying her hardest to keep them running, but that they would not be at full power like this for long.

Needing to see this through, Cal took a look up at the hyperspeed accelerator.

“Do you trust me, Greez?” Cal asked, hovering his hand just under the accelerator.

Greez peeled his eyes away for just a moment to see Cal and said, “Kid, I don’t know if the Mantis will make that still-”

Cal reiterated, “Do you trust me?”

Greez, considering his words carefully, looked to Merrin, “What’d you think?”

Merrin, looking at Cal, simply said, “Do it.”

“Alright, hang on tight!” Greez gave the nod as Cal pulled on the accelerator, pushing them to hyperspeed towards Tanalorr, pulling it back once they had entered the planet’s atmosphere, and Cal looked back on the closing tunnel through the Abyss, sighing with relief.

“Did you not think we could make it?” Greez commented, “Honestly, me too. But thankfully, you were right.” He sighed out, parking the Mantis and opening the side door. “Hey, kids?”

“Yeah, Greez?” Cal replied as Merrin and he climbed out of their seats.

“Don’t get yourself killed.”

“We won’t. Do not worry.” Merrin replied for Cal.

Cal and Merrin then made their way off the ship, taking in the Tanalorrian air, before taking a second to think. What were they going to do when they found Bode? What would they say? What could happen?

“What about Kata?” Merrin questioned Cal, “She is just a child, like we were when we lost our families. We can’t just take that from her.”

Cal sat with that for a moment. What would they do about Kata? “You’re right.” Cal replied, “We can’t kill Bode. She’s a really nice kid. Taking away her father isn’t right.”

“But,” Merrin added, “If he does not change, if he does not yield, then what?”

“I won’t let him kill either of us.” Cal replied once more, gripping the hilt of his lightsaber. “If push comes to shove, then I’m shoving.”

Merrin nodded in understanding, then began to walk once more, Cal and Merrin taking the time between the Mantis and the abandoned Jedi Temple to take in the peace of Tanalorr.

“When we win, will we still help bring the Hidden Path here?” Merrin asked as they continued walking.

“Yeah. We have to continue Cere and Cordova’s legacies. And I can’t think of a better way to do that.” Cal imagined all the work that they would need to do in order to get this place in living condition, but knew he was only too tired for all of that right now. That he would put in the work to continue the Hidden Path for Cere and Cordova, but that right now he had enough energy for just one task.

“Cal!” Kata cried from the front entrance of the Jedi Temple ruins. Though Cal and Kata had only met in brief moments, always unplanned, Kata recognized him, and seemed comforted by his presence. “Papa, he’s.” Kata cut herself off. She didn’t know how to explain it, and she felt Cal and Merrin already knew what she was going to say.

“I know, Kata.” Cal looked at her solemnly. “Your Papa took something very important to me and Merrin, and we really need it back.”

“You can tell me the truth, I can tell it in Papa’s eyes.” Kata sternly stated, with too much understanding of the situation for a small child. “I don’t think he feels guilty anymore. I think he stopped feeling guilty a while ago.”

Cal felt anger bubble up inside him again, but he knew Kata didn’t mean to upset him. She was only observing the changes in her father that were, very understandably, disturbing her. “We’re going to try and reason with your Papa.” Merrin said softly, gently patting Kata’s head. “I promise, we’ll try.”

“I’m coming with you.” Kata stated, walking in before Merrin and Cal. “Papa might see the error of his ways when he tries to attack his best friends in front of me.”

Merrin and Cal looked at each other sadly, as while they did hope that maybe Kata was right, something inside both of them knew that Bode wouldn’t see that. That Bode would no longer care. And maybe Kata knew that too.

The trio walked through the abandoned hallway, Bode in the central chamber, seemingly waiting for the battle that Merrin and Cal were hoping they could avoid.

“I knew you two would come eventually, ruining the peace I’m trying to keep for my Kata.” Bode sneered, staring daggers at Merrin and Cal as Kata ran in front of them.

“Papa, they don’t want to-”

“Kata.” Bode sternly cut her off, “Let the adults handle this.”

“Please, Papa!” She begged, before being pushed away by Bode, who moved forwards to confront Cal and Merrin.

“Let us deal with it, Kata.” Bode commanded, gesturing for Kata to move into the hallway on the opposite side of the central chamber from where they entered. “Why must you try and ruin this?”

Cal and Merrin stopped right in their tracks as Bode asked that. “Ruin this?” Cal asked, anger laced with confusion in his voice, “You’re the one who took a year of our lives just to take everything we’d worked for together and make a run for it. You’re the one who abandoned us and stole the lives of people we loved-” Merrin grabbed his hand, sensing Cal’s anger taking control of him once again, and getting Cal to breathe slowly.

“We can live peacefully still.” Merrin began, “Just give us the compass and-”

“And let you bring strangers into our home?” Bode cut her off angrily, pulling out the hilt of Dagan Gera’s saber, “I will not have the Empire hunting my family anymore, and if that means cutting you two out of it to save Kata, then so be it.” Bode then lit the saber, dashing towards Merrin, forcing Cal to pull out his lightsaber and block his attack.

“You won’t hurt her.” Cal declared as he pushed Bode back a bit using the force. “I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“You’re going to pry the compass out of my cold. dead. hands.” Bode jumped at Cal, with Cal repelling the attack with a forceful parry.

Bode then rushed into a flurry of attacks against Cal’s blocking stance, hoping to break him long enough to get a good final slash, but Cal successfully blocked, and then dodged, out of Bode’s way, nearly getting a good slash himself before being pushed away and off the side of the platform by Bode, to which Merrin used her portal summoning powers to get Cal to safety on the platform below.

Bode then jumped down and continued trying to break Cal, coming at him with powerful attacks as Cal either blocked or dodged out of the way while taking advantage of Bode’s quick breaks to try and get a hit in himself.

“Please, Bode,” Cal pleaded with him during one of his many flurry attacks, “It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“I will kill you, Kestis.” Bode replied in a gravely voice.

“I don’t want to do this.” Cal pleaded once more, pushing Bode back.

“I know you wouldn’t do anything fatal to me. You care too much. It’s your biggest weakness, honestly.” Bode teased, rushing towards Cal.

And then the world slowed down. Before Merrin could stop him, before Bode could get one final attack in, Cal had tapped into the darkness one more time to slow time down enough to kick hard at Bode’s stomach, breaking the slowing effect and knocking him against a wall.

“Cal!” Merrin screamed, going to check on the thud against the stone, bringing Kata down with her.

“Papa!” Kata cried, running towards Bode as soon as Merrin placed her on the ground, to which Bode shoved her away with the force, which made Merrin go to catch her. Seizing the opportunity of Cal being distracted, Bode mustered what strength he still had into grabbing Merrin into a force choke, lifting her off the ground.

“If I don’t get to keep Tanalorr, then we’re all going down. One by one.” Bode declared, tightening his grip on Merrin’s throat.

Without thinking, Cal pulled out his blaster, firing a warning shot by Bode’s head, which seemed to snap him out of torturing Merrin, bringing his attention back to Cal, whom he tried to shoot back, but found that his blasters were malfunctioning. So, before Bode could react again, Cal shot him. Right in the chest. Twice, for good measure.

Silence fell in the room. No one knew what to say. All of the words that could be said seemed to be caught before they could ever leave anyone’s mouth. Merrin went to hug Cal, before noticing Kata once more, her eyes welling up into silent tears, so Merrin went for her instead, almost out of instinct, holding her head close against her chest.

Cal just stood there. He was still processing what he had just done. He thought this is how he knew this would end. He thought this was how he wanted it to end. But seeing the scar in Bode’s chest broke him.

Night fell before anyone seemed to move anymore. Greez rang Cal’s communication device asking what had happened, but Cal’s silence seemed to be the answer he needed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have food and everything ready for you when you get back. Just.” Greez paused for a moment. “Just do what you need to first. I’ll be here until the next morning.”

This got Merrin and Kata moving, as they slowly made their way back to the Mantis, Kata’s hunger eating at her almost as much as the grief.

But Cal didn’t. He stood there, longer than he should’ve. Slowly, after Merrin and Kata had gone, he made his way closer to Bode’s body, gently embracing it and sobbing into his chest like he would’ve done when he’d had a rough nightmare and it was just the two of them.

Then, after a while, he pulled out the spare bandage and cloth he had from wrapping up Cordova and Cere, and gently began wrapping Bode up.

Bode still deserved his funeral. Not just for Kata’s sake, though that was the main reason he was included in the funeral alongside Cordova and Cere. He was a Jedi, after all, and a part of it was Cal sticking to the traditions he was still holding dear from the days of the Jedi Order. Because he knew those couldn’t change. Couldn’t suddenly be different and hurt him in a whole new way.

Cal stood there as Merrin set the three of them ablaze, and he continued standing there into the morning. Merrin stayed with him, hugging him gently, though she eventually fell asleep against him.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how this would all work now. He didn’t know how to be a father.

And who knows when he’d ever figure it out.