Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

No Entry.

That’s what the graffiti said that greeted Christine when she climbed through the open window. The red paint was fresh and slightly runny, like it was just painted on not too long ago. It glistened in the golden rays of sunset, and Christine wondered if maybe she should do this another day. She’d only recently started her life of crime after all, and venturing into abandoned corporate buildings already showing signs of life was maybe more risk than she was ready for.

But wasn’t this part of the thrill? She had really wanted to push herself out of her comfort zone when she started this and this strange message kinda proved there was something here of interest, right? She quickly ran through a mental checklist to make sure that she hadn’t forgotten anything.

• Backpack of med supplies? Check.
• Flashlight? Check.
• Pepper Spray? Check.
• Inconspicuous navy blue fit that would help her stay out of sight in case the cops came? Check.

She spied a large pane of glass nearby from where someone had smashed in this window and she squirmed at the thought of how easily those could pierce the worn tennis shoes she brought. Maybe she should add a pair of boots to her checklist next time. She decided to press forward and explore despite her misgivings. She didn’t want to stay out too late and she’d feel foolish if she chickened out just because of some fresh graffiti. She wandered down the drab hallway, looking at a line of offices. This place was bigger than most of her previous outings. She doubted she’d see it all in one night. She’d just get the lay of the area today, and if she saw anything interesting, she’d look closer later. It’s not like this stuff was going anywhere, right?

It actually ended up more interesting than expected. There was a small abandoned open office area with a dozen or so old monitors that looked like they had been left to rot since the eighties. She pressed a button on one of the few screens still attached to a tower, just out of curiosity, and the damn thing actually turned on. She guessed this old place still had power for some reason. Maybe she could try to access some old files? She decided that could wait until later, and quickly turned the machine back off for now. There were a few storage rooms, some for hardware and others for office supplies. The rooms for hardware just had a couple boxes filled with wires, adapters, and those old mice with rubber balls. The office supplies had been left fairly well stocked though. There was a shelf that seemed to have half rotted away, along with the paper it held, but the rest of the supplies were in surprisingly good condition. She was wondered when this building was abandoned in the first place. When she found a hall with what looked to be individual office rooms though, the place took on a creepier tone. Every computer looked like it’d been ran over by a car. There wasn’t a monitor with an intact screen. And a few of the rooms had these strange headsets snapped in half. No, not snapped. These were cut. With like… a saw. And she kept seeing the same graffiti show up, usually in front of windows, but sometimes just randomly in the office rooms. “No Entry”. The paint was fresh. Someone had clearly been here today. It was a little nerve-wracking. But it wasn’t until she stumbled across the break room she realized the prior visitor was still there.

She’d already been here for a good thirty minutes and she hadn’t heard anything the whole time. Granted, she had been listening to some heavy metal from her phone in one ear, just to ease her nerves, but she still thought she’d have heard something if someone was on the property. It had been getting darker, though, and she grew bolder, flicking on a light to a break room without a second thought. Two things happened in quick succession. Firstly, she saw an out of place black canvas bag that had clearly been casually thrown onto a lunch table. In the same moment, she heard a thud through the wall coming from the hall on the opposite side of the room. She instinctively turned the light back off and ducked through a door just inside the break room on her right. The wooden door had slats, and it looked like it had been a little pantry. Christine immediately cursed herself when she looked around and there was no exit. Of course there wasn’t. Why hadn’t she just backed out into the hall she came from? She had panicked. Her self-cursing abruptly came to an end when the light in the break room turned back on.

Christine peered through the slatted door despite herself. She couldn’t see a lot, but she made out a figure on the far side of the room. A man dressed in black, wearing a mask. Oh fuck, she was going to die here tonight, wasn’t she? He stood there for a moment, before she heard a monotone “I know you’re still here.” She stumbled back from the door in shock and promptly knocked over a broom. Damn it. She heard the man speaking again, “Okay, come on out. I’m serious. Don’t make me hurt you.”

The thought of complying crossed her mind, but she felt frozen in place, as if she was watching this scene happening to someone else. The atmosphere was terrifying and unreal. She heard the sound of boots striding across the room, and a black silhouette blocked the light bleeding into the pantry. Wait, shit, she needed to act now. She dropped into a crouch to make herself a smaller target and whipped out her pepper spray, just as the door creaked open. She screamed, turned her face away, and sprayed.

Chapter Text

For one eternal second, the air was filled with aerosol and screams. Christine felt a stream of something cold and harsh brush her face, realizing a moment later that she’d just been spray-painted. She heard her assailant stumble backwards, “Ah, motherfuck- DAMN IT!” Imminent threat temporarily thwarted, she then reflexively dropped her arms to catch herself as she fell onto her hands, coughing violently. Toxic fumes of paint filled her lungs and she crawled out of the closet, just grateful she had her face turned away already from the mess that just happened. Still coughing, she used her arms scaled first a nearby chair, then the break room table the chair was attached to.  She desperately threw her weight on the table, not quite on her feet, but certainly leaving her in a less vulnerable position than the floor, coughing her lungs out on her hands and knees.

She peered upwards through her coughing fit, to see the man stripping off his mask and hoodie quickly like it was on fire. He threw them in the corner of the room with unnecessary force, and she saw his hands play with bottom of his pink t-shirt as he clearly considered stripping it off too, before deciding against it. She finally got a good look at him. He looked like he was a Latino in his late twenties or early thirties. He had messy chocolate brown hair, a sharp jaw covered in stubble, and a tall, lean frame. Christine noticed he had snake-bite piercings with subtle black studs, sideburns, and sharp brows that were directed into a face twisted with frustration, confusion, and more than a little pain. “What’s wrong with you?!? Was this really necessary?”

Christine was slowly starting to catch her breath, and she was NOT about to let this asshole try to claim the victim. “You tell me! You’re the one who approached with a spray can at the ready!”

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure you weren’t a drug dealer with a knife! I didn’t expect a teenager with pepper spray!”

“I am twenty years old, thank you very much.”

“WOW, good for you! I don’t remember asking though!”

Ugh, this piece of shit pissed her off. He had walked over to the canvas bag she saw earlier, and she watched him like a hawk, making sure he wasn’t about to do anything shady. But he pulled out a couple of water bottles, and she let herself relax for the moment. She got up and moved over to sit at a table a little further away from the crime scene, which was still stained red and exuding a nausea-inducing chemical smell. Through puffy eyes, he glanced at her, and wordlessly walked over. Keeping his distance, he placed a water bottle on the far side of her table, and then walked back to his own. She didn’t say a word, but leaned over to snag the bottle before downing it to soothe her aching throat. Christine was momentarily surprised to see that he didn't follow suit. Instead he slowly poured his water over his eyes, dabbing his face dry carefully with the bottom of his shirt, and then going back for more. They both sat in silence for about half a minute, licking their wounds from their volatile point of first contact.

He broke the silence first. “I didn’t get you in the eyes at all, did I? That stuff’ll blind you if you don’t get medical attention.”

“Huh, funny,” she snarked, “Almost like it wasn’t intended to be used as a weapon. My eyes are fine, fortunately. It seems I can’t say the same for my cheek. Or my right arm. Or my clothes…”

“Or your nose.” He looked over and grinned. “Looks like I somehow managed to clip that.” He snorted, clearly pleased with himself. “You look like a clown”

Distraught, Christine pulled out her phone and put it into selfie mode. Sure enough, she’d been lightly tagged on the tip of her nose. It was barely anything and definitely not as bad as he had made it sound, but she dreaded the amount of scrubbing it was going to take to get any of this off. It had already started to dry and it itched. She was going to have to a take a long shower when she got back home. She did notice that her navy blue beanie, which had been pulled low over her ears, had protected most of her hair, so that was one less thing to worry about.

“Taking a picture? I think I did your make-up pretty well; what do you think?” His monotonous voice cut through her thoughts and irritated her.

“Yeah, just collecting evidence to show the police later when I tell them about the man who assaulted me.”

“Hey, whoa, you shot first! My spray paint was entirely justified self defense!”

“You literally said ‘Don’t make me hurt you’ Who says that?!? That’s serial killer talk!”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I bet you're one of those ‘True Crime’ nuts. Is that why you’re out here tonight? Despite my very clear warnings to stay away?”

She rolled her eyes. “Clear warnings? I started wondering if ‘No Entry’ was a band name or something.”

That seemed to needle him. “Well, I’m sorry I’m putting all this effort into trying to protect you ungrateful brats like the good, concerned citizen that I am!”

“I don’t think good and concerned citizens go around spray painting abandoned buildings. That sounds more like a vigilante.”

“That’s even better. You know who else is a vigilante? Batman. You basically just pepper sprayed Batman.”

He was sitting back in his chair now, his slightly reddened and puffy face tilted upwards. He was obviously in a lot of pain, but he was strangely calm. It was rather impressive. She started to feel a little guilty, despite herself.

“Look, I’m sorry-”

“Tchh, save it. This ain’t nothing. I’ll be fine in like thirty minutes. I needed a break anyways.”

Christine, at this point, was fully recovered. Her lungs no longer felt like they were on fire. She considered just leaving, but she was still curious. She had so many questions.

“Dooo you want me to keep you company while you recover or…?”

He sighed dismissively and waved his hand like he was swatting away a fly.

“Do what you want. Just leave this place and don’t come back.”

She frowned. He wasn’t exactly the clearest communicator. Still, she took it that, despite his demeanor, he wasn’t chasing her off. Maybe she could get some answers before she left. “So, like, why are you trying to keep people away from here? What exactly is this place?”

He grinned and pointedly avoided the question. “Are you staying then? Making sure I don’t report you to the Justice League or something?”

Yeah, she figured. This wasn’t going to be easy. Being direct was going to get her nowhere. If she wanted to get answers out of him, she was going to need to change tactics. “Look, I’m just taking responsibility for putting Batman out of commission. Want to make sure he doesn’t turn into Daredevil or something.”

“Batman and Daredevil? Two totally different universes. La-ame.” He grinned, face still tilted towards the ceiling. “If you really want to make it up to me, you could grab me another bottle from my bag.”

She sighed and got up. As she walked over to his table, she scratched her itching cheek reflexively. “Do you know how hard it’s going to be to wash this spray paint off?”

He laughed. “HA - Did you let that dry on your skin?”

Suddenly, she felt very stupid. “No…..?”

“Well, if you did happen to let that dry on your skin, you’re going to want to use olive oil to help wash it off. It’ll pretty much resist anything else you try.”

She began rummaging through his bag. He had a surprising amount of things in here. A hammer, a pair of wire cutters, some rubber gloves, a saw, a couple of screw drivers, a box of matches, two more cans of spray paint, and a pair of baseball bats, one wooden and one aluminum. On the handle of the saw, she noticed a name written in marker. Well, she learned something at least.

She found a couple of loose bottles of water, and handed one to his outstretched hand. He began pouring it on his face and dabbing at it with the bottom of his shirt. Standing so close now, she couldn’t help but look at his body. He wasn’t especially muscular; she didn’t see any abs. But he did seem to be toned a little bit. It would probably feel firm. She felt a vague desire to touch it, but he had begun speaking again and her attention snapped back to the conversation.

“I do actually appreciate the help. I’m sorry if I scared you.” The bastard was still grinning, though, and Christine wasn’t sure how authentic he was actually being. It’d be easier to take whatever he said with a grain of salt.

“You know, I was considering pepper spraying you again while you sat here defenseless, but since you’ve apologized, I suppose I can find it in my heart to forgive you.”

He peeked out at her with one eye, and his grin grew wider. “Oh you’re funny. I like you. You’re a real card, you know that?”

This man was stupid. His smile was stupid. “Funny, I thought you said I was a clown.”

“You can be both. A card with a clown on it. Like a Joker. Oh, perfect. The Joker to my Batman.”

She snorted. “You’re really hung up on that Batman thing. I’m starting to think you’re a real nerd.”

He grimaced so strongly at her words it made her laugh. He frowned even deeper for a moment, and then started chuckling. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

“Oh, I plan to.” She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye.

“So, trouble, you got a name?”

She stood over him and smirked. “Isn’t it more polite to introduce yourself first before asking for names?”

He peeked up at her face for a moment, before closing his eyes and gently pouring more water onto his face. “I’m older than you, so you have to go first.”

She rolled her eyes at his assertion. “The name is Christine.”

“Pfft. Boring!” He spoke a little too quickly, like any name that came out of her mouth would have disappointed him. 

“Uh-huh. It’s better than yours.”

“You don’t even know it. And now, I’ve decided you never will.”

Christine contemplated refuting him now, but decided that would be too easy. This man needed to be cut down a few pegs.

“Oh please, won’t you tell me?” She faux-begged, as if not knowing his name would ruin her life. He grinned way too obnoxiously, and she immediately reconsidered whether this was actually going to be worth the effort.

“I’ll tell you if you guess it. I’ll give you a hint. It’s the name of a cartoon cat.”

Oh, this asshole thought he was so clever. He was just loving this attention. Still, she thought she’d let him savor it for a few minutes before she pulled the rug out from under him.

“Well” She put on the ditziest performance she could muster. “Golly, it’s got to be Garfield.”

“ERRR, wrong!” He grinned wider. “I’m disappointed, Christine, you went with everyone’s first guess. I thought for sure you were more unique than that.”

Oh, she was gonna chew this bastard up. Any thoughts of leaving had long vanished from her brain. She was making it her mission to humble this jerk and put some good back into this world.

“Well, if that’s not the case, it must be Jerry, from Tom and Jerry.”

“Tom is the cat from Tom and Jerry. Jerry’s the rat. Man, you suck at this game; I’m really disappointed.”

‘Jerry was a mouse, you idiot,’ She kept going. The longer this went, the more humiliating this would be, she hoped. “Well, how about the Loony Tunes cat? You know, the one who goes after Tweety Bird?”

He scoffed. “You mean Sylvester? You talking about Sylvester? Look, I’m embarrassed on your behalf now. I’ll give you another hint. Think rubber-hose era.”

Christine hadn’t heard that term before, but she guessed anyhow. “You mean, like the black and white cartoons?”

He nodded sagely. “That’s right.” He considered abandoning the game. She seemed hopeless, and he doubted she'd be able to guess at this rate. But before he had a moment to act, she was already clapping her hands excitedly.

“I’ve got it! You must be talking about Mickey Mouse’s brother!”

“W-What?” He was completely baffled. Did Mickey even have a brother?

“Your name must be Oswald!”

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose. That guess hurt worse than the pepper spray had. Christine grinned as he opened his eyes and glared at her with anguish and disgust. “Oswald? The Lucky Rabbit? Really? I said ‘cartoon cat’. In what world is Oswald a cat? Do I look like a rabbit to you?”

She could tell he was hamming it up a little bit to get a reaction out of her, but the tables were about to turn. Time for the finisher. “Oh dear, I can’t seem to guess. Felix, won’t you just tell me your name?”

He opened his mouth, ready to lay into her with frustration. “My name is..eh” And then his face looked like she’d hit him with a frying pan. He crumpled back into his chair, defeated. “I need an aspirin,”

“I have some in my bag!” She skipped cheerfully back to her table to retrieve it, fully proud of her efforts.

“How did you know?” he asked, voice full of chagrin.

“It was on the saw handle in your bag,” she explained, back with a couple of pills. “You know, Felix, you really shouldn’t act like you’re smarter than everyone else.”

He groaned and took the pills with a swig of water. The irritation in his eyes and skin seemed like it had gotten a lot better at this point. The only irritation left on his face was his mood. “I was just trying to have fun.”

“Well, I had a blast!”

“I’m sure you did! You really are a card.” He groaned, then propped his head up in his hand on the table. “Well, this has been fun, but it’s time for me to get back to work.”

“Mmmm…,” Christine wasn’t going to give up that easily. “What work exactly do you have in an abandoned office space after sundown?”

He peered over at her, contemplating. He really shouldn’t tell her. She could see the conflict on his face and decided to make one last final push. “You already told me you’re here on vigilante business to save us all. I just thought you could use a sidekick for tonight.”

He looked at her guardedly, and then finally spoke. “There’s something dangerous here and I’m making sure no one else gets hurt.” Felix was watchful, gauging her reaction.

“And that’s why you’re planning on burning this place to the ground, right?” Christine had seen those matches in his bag earlier. She knew where this night was headed.

Felix, meanwhile, held his poker face. Wait, where did she get that idea? “What if I am? You willing to get arson on your record?”

She grinned at him. “You only get arson on your record if you get caught.”

Wow. He started laughing harder and more genuinely than he had all night. Than he probably had all month. “You… you’re not just a card. You’re a wild card! I never know what you’re going to say next.” He looked at her and finally lowered his guard. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but no, I have no intention of committing arson. I’m just here to commit some old fashioned vandalism. If that can still satiate your thirst for crime, I wouldn’t mind the company actually.”

Christine smiled to herself. This little expedition was turning out to be much more exciting than she thought it would.

Chapter Text

As they packed up their respective bags and Christine followed Felix out of the break room and down the hall, she was secretly relieved that they were, in fact, not going to be setting the building on fire. She had spoken confidently in the moment, but actually, that really would have been jumping in too deep. She wasn’t usually quite this reckless, but there was something about this guy that really pushed her buttons and made her want to push right back. He had such an ego, and she found that cutting it down at every opportunity was very satisfying. So, of course, she found that she didn’t ever want to back down. She’d known him for less than an hour, and she felt both very relaxed around him, and also that spending time with him was very dangerous. It was very easy to get caught up in his energy.

Felix glanced back quickly at the strange girl following him down the hall. He was perplexed. He had fully expected her to run at the first opportunity, and that he’d have to come back later to avoid any possibility of confrontation with the police. And somehow, he instead ended up with another pair of hands to help him achieve revenge. She was persistent. And while he didn’t like how she was running circles around him, something he was used to doing to others, there was something attractive about it. Not that he was attracted to her. She was too young for him. And he wasn’t here to entertain such foolish lines of thought. He had something bigger than himself here to bury.

He furtively peeked back at her again, a little longer this time. She looked vaguely Asian, but also had darker skin. He wondered if she might be Filipino. At some point, she’d pulled her beanie off and put it back on carelessly, letting her dark brown hair down. It was darker than his. If he hadn’t seen it in the lit break room earlier, he would have thought it was black. She was so short that he had originally thought she was still in high school when he first saw her. She couldn’t be taller than five feet even. But the way she moved and carried herself, the confidence she had in how she pushed back at him, it had dispelled any notion of childishness he had mistaken in her. Even the way her big doe eyes stared back at him was… aw fuck. He immediately fixed his eyes forward, but he knew he’d already been caught.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked casually. Felix knew a trap when he heard one though.

“Well, Wildcard, I was thinking this was probably your last chance to back out.”

The two figures had reached the end of the hall, and Felix had led them to a room to the right. It was a small office, but behind the desk was an unusually tall door. It was thick and made of metal, and wouldn’t have looked out of place in a bank vault.
Felix’s face became very serious. “This is the entrance to the basement. Down here is the belly of the beast. If you’re really going to follow me down here, I need to insist that you listen to my instructions.”

Christine inspected him carefully. There was no levity in his voice. No betrayal of anything less than sincerity and concern. “Alright. Will you tell me what it is you’re doing then? And why?”

“No.” The matter-of-fact answer that came from his mouth had a sense of finality that stunned her. “What we’re doing tonight is eliminating something that, to be entirely honest, is something no one should know about. I genuinely believe it’s safer the less anyone knows about this. I only agreed to your help tonight because someone that was supposed to help with this bailed on me.” 

Christine noticed how upset he looked when he said those last few words. There was a bitterness there that she didn’t want intrude on. But she could also tell that he truly believed everything he was saying. And she was thankful that he was at least being upfront about his refusal to fill her in on whatever this was.

“As long as I’m not being dragged into some sort of gang war, I’ll help you with whatever mysterious vigilante justice you’re carrying out.”

She crossed her arms and watched him as he relaxed and offered her a grateful smile. It was dark in this room, but the beams of both their flashlights were bright enough to make out just how much his body language eased up. He had seemed so tense just a moment ago, she hardly recognized him. Seeing him relax again really sent a shot of dopamine into her brain.

Felix gave her a toothy grin. “I really didn’t expect you to go along with this. I…” he subconsciously slipped a hand over his forehead in embarrassment “I’m sincerely grateful you’re taking this in stride.” He turned and opened the basement door, which had been sitting there ajar. “Let’s finish this,” he muttered, more to himself than to her. Christine could tell that whatever lay beyond this door was something very important to him. She still had no clear idea what she was signing up for, but she knew she’d have the answer soon enough.

He flicked a switch on the wall casually as they headed down the stairwell, and the room at the bottom of the stairs was filled with light, and then a few sudden pops left the light at the bottom a little dimmer than it was before. “Yeah, I’m honestly surprised any of these bulbs still function to begin with.” He spoke with a sense of grim amusement.

Christine followed close behind him. “If this place was abandoned, why would it even still have power?”

“That, I don’t know,” Felix admitted. “If it never had power to begin with, none of this would have even been an issue.”

Every sentence he spoke seemed to dare her to ask more questions, but she was realizing that this man seemed unable to keep his guard up around her despite himself. As long as she didn’t pry too directly, she might eventually be able to piece together the secret of this place. So, despite the dozens of follow up questions she had, she kept silent and followed him down the rest of the carpet-worn wooden stairs.

As they reached the bottom, they stood in what appeared to be a small foyer/storage room. There were a few dusty shelves and an uncomfortable amount of spiderwebs in the corners of the room. Felix grabbed the doorknob to the next area, and looked directly at Christine with that tense seriousness he had at the top of the stairs. “I really mean what I’m about to say. If you can’t promise me this, I’d much rather you just leave. Do not attempt to operate any sort of computer device we come across. Do not look into any monitors. And most importantly, do not put on ANY headset you might find. This technology is weird and can have some permanent side effects.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as if recalling something painful. “Please believe me when I say this is for your own safety. If something were to happen to you, I really couldn’t forgive myself.”

She really had to fight back a smirk. In the little time she knew him, despite his gruffer exterior, he seemed to be deeply worried about protecting everyone else from this place. He felt like some hermit terrified of technology. Still, despite his paranoia, he was letting her tag along and not trying to chase her away, so she decided to keep playing along. “I promise.”

He looked at her for a moment, as if assessing her. Then, as if he found some sort of invisible factor he was looking for, he nodded and opened the door.

The room was dimly lit with several fluorescent ceiling lights. More lights than not seemed to be burnt out or broken. The room itself stretched out ridiculously large with a tiled floor. It had to be half the size of the entire footprint of the first floor, maybe 1500 square feet? Lining the entire perimeter of the room were large grey plastic cabinets that took Christine a second to recognize as old server computers circa 1980. It seemed like a few of them still visibly used actual tape. Maybe all of them did.

The center of the room was filled with maybe twenty-five work stations (give or take), each equipped with a considerable sized desk with their own monitors. Each workstation had large computers that seemed to be connected to the server computers, with wires that seemed to carefully crawl up pillars and into the ceiling, where the presumably connected to the server mainframes that lined the walls. While most of the stations seemed to be somewhat “modern” in design (modern here was used loosely, as nothing appeared out of place for the 1980’s), some of the work stations were equipped with computers that had monitors built directly into their computer counterparts in one solid brick design. Maybe these were from the seventies or, possibly even the sixties? Christine was flabbergasted. Seeing so much ancient technology was kind of amazing, and she was filled with almost a reverence for the past that she didn’t know she was capable of feeling.

Felix, however, looked at the technology with nothing but disdain. He threw his bag on one of the few empty desk work stations, and wordlessly beckoned Christine to do the same. As she followed his lead, he opened up his bag and pulled out the two baseball bats. He handed her the wooden one, thrusting it roughly into her arms, and took the metal bat and immediately smashed it into one of the nearby monitors, sending glass everywhere.

“First things first, we’re making sure none of these pieces of garbage can hypnotize us.” He glanced over, and noticed her quizzical look. “Metaphorically, I mean” he added haphazardly and rather unconvincingly.

Christine bit back a response, and, after a moment of regret, swung her bat into another blank monitor. “Hell yeah!” She looked up, and saw Felix cheering her on. He looked extremely satisfied. “You’ve got excellent form. We’ll be done with these in no time.”

They spent the next few minutes working their way from station to station. Some of the stations had multiple monitors. Some of them took a few swings to properly break, somehow only cracking with the first or second swing. Christine thought grimly that they really didn’t make things like they used to. But despite her reservations, she couldn’t help but find the act of destruction incredibly satisfying.

As they both stopped to catch their breath about halfway through their work, Felix spoke up once more. “Hey, Wildcard, so why were you out here anyways? Looking for a place to do drugs?”

She rolled her eyes, as she leaned back in the office chair she had settled in for the moment. “Actually, I had just wanted to do some urban exploring. I thought it might be a fun hobby.”

He laughed. “Exploring, eh? You just start this up or what? You don’t really seem to be equipped for it. No boots, no gloves. An unreasonably high tolerance for strangers who spray paint your face.”

“What, are you a master explorer? Here to offer me some sort of wisdom?”

“Me? Nah. People learn best from their own mistakes. Usually. I’m more of a master of unlocking things. Getting in where I’m not supposed to.”

“My god,” she smirked, “You really are a criminal.”

He closed one eye, and lazily peeked across the room at her with the other. With a hand on his chest, he attempted to half-heartedly defend himself. “Now, now, I confessed to nothing. You’re just making assumptions. And you know what they say about people who make assumptions.”

“You can call it an assumption, batboy. I think of it more as an educated guess.”

“Batboy? Please, is that the best nickname you can come up with, Wildcard?”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really know anything about this Felix rubber-hose cat you were talking about earlier.”

“Excuse you, his full title is Felix the Lucky Cat. That’s what the name Felix means, you know. Luck.” He stretched his long legs and placed them on the desk in front of him, fearless of the broken glass from the monitor he had just smashed before he had decided to take a break. Christine attempted to mirror his movements, but her legs wouldn’t quite reach and she had to scoot the chair closer to reach. Her ears turned red in embarrassment as she heard him giggling at her.

“Ah, luck, is that what you have?” She snapped. “Because I seem to remember someone with a face full of pepper spray earlier. You don’t seem to be very lucky to me.”

“A face full of pepper spray is a cheap price to pay for free labor.”

“Free labor? Wow. Is that all you see me as?”

She didn’t think it was possible for Felix to grin any wider than he already was. He was positively beaming as he spoke now, “Am I supposed to see you as anything else? What do you want me to see you as?”

Christine was desperately fighting back a blush and felt herself losing. She did not need his head to be any more swollen than it already was. “I need you to see me as someone you owe pizza.”

He tilted his head, clearly amused. “I suppose I could buy you pizza after this. If you do a good job. I’m not paying out if you just sit around and look pretty.” He got up out of his chair and stretched, clearly prepared to get back to work.

Christine knew what he was lining up, but decided to play along anyways. If she didn’t let him defuse that last remark, it was going to bother her all night. “Aw, you think I’m pretty?”

He looked over and grinned. “Pretty stupid.”

She glanced right back and matched his smile. “Fucking classic.”

“They call them classics for a reason.” Felix picked up his bat and turned back to his work, maybe just a bit too quickly.

‘I’m in wayyy too deep,’ Felix thought as he swung his bat way too forcefully into the next monitor. He did not like how fast his heart was beating. She caught everything he threw at her and turned it back on him. She made him feel like he had before the incident. Even in his own mind, he was using sarcasm to undercut the gravity of the event that changed his life. He hated acknowledging he had changed. But spending time with this girl, with this woman, he felt like he was alright again. He thought he would feel worse than ever being back at the scene of the crime all these years later, but instead, he felt almost as if he’d never put on that stupid headset eight years ago. She pushed back at him, and she made him feel like his stupid jokes were funny again. He just… ugh, this was really stupid. He was practically ten years older than her. She was a college kid. He was just a washed up loser going nowhere in life. Even if he just wanted to be friends… which was all he was thinking about here, he lied to himself. Even just being friends beyond this was weird. He needed to just focus on wrapping this work tonight, so he never had to think about this stupid nightmare of an office ever again.

Christine was sweating. She had not expected that vandalism could be so exhausting. It felt really fucking good to let loose. She grew up in a safe environment, in a perfect bubble. Everything she needed or wanted was available to her. She’d never done anything like this. Despite how much actual work vandalizing was, she really felt like she was letting loose and wild. This was a ton of fun.

She stopped for a moment and took off her beanie, wiping off some of the sweat. They were both almost done. Just a couple more stations to go. She glanced over, and Felix seemed to be swinging like a madman. Oh dang. He seemed to really be laying into those monitors. The glass was flying, and he seemed so full of energy, maybe she should just let him have the last few. She turned to walk back to their starting point across the room and tossed her beanie in her backpack. She pulled out a couple of water bottles she had packed away in her own supply, and headed back, where Felix was beating the shit out of the last station. He seemed to be lost in his own world.

As she approached, she was surprised to see him slip his shirt off and wipe his face into it. She couldn’t help but admire his back muscles and the rather interesting tattoo he had on his shoulder (was that a vampire rabbit?), but this also felt a little… was he doing this on purpose? And then he balled his shirt in his hands and pressed his face into it, giving off a suddenly loud and muffled scream. 

“Fuck!” Christine couldn’t help but jump. Felix whipped around and stared at her like he’d completely forgotten she was there, and then suddenly held his shirt to his chest, like he was trying to protect his chastity. She had held her arms in front of her, still holding a bottle in each hand. As he stood there frozen for a moment, she wiggled a water bottle at him questioningly. He leaned over a work station that separated them, looking embarrassed, took the bottle, and then turned away from her, sheepishly slipping his pink tee back on.

“Dooo you want to talk about what that was all about?” She ventured.

Felix leaned on the desk in front of him, arms locked, and gave off a frustrated sigh. “Just… got lost in my thoughts. Sorry.” He turned back to her, and took a drink from the water bottle he had momentarily placed on the desk beside him. “I appreciate the water. I probably just got overheated for a moment there.”

“You know, you seem to have a lot on your mind. You might feel better if you let some of it out.”

“Tchh,” Felix looked to the side. “That’s a lot easier to suggest when you don’t know what I’ve got going on.”

“Well… why don’t you give me a brief run down? You don’t have anything to lose.”

That last sentence from her seemed to strike a chord in him. He looked back at her, very clearly considering her words carefully. He stared into her eyes, like he was evaluating her. And she felt her heart skip a beat as she felt a hesitant moment of a door opening between them. And then the moment was gone, and he looked away again, with a sad look on his face. “I don’t have anything to lose, but you do.”

“But…” She couldn’t understand. Why was he so scared? What happened to him here?

“But nothing. We’re short on time. Especially if you want that pizza.” He gave her another toothy grin, but something felt off now. It didn’t quite reach his eyes. “This was the easy part. We’re not even half way done.”

Without giving her a moment to reply, he pushed past her and walked back over to his bag. Christine sighed and followed him back reluctantly. She was curious, yes, but she had better things to do than play therapist for a moody thirty-something. If he didn’t want to open up, she’d have to figure out the secrets of this place for herself. If there were any left to find once they were done.

Felix deposited his bat back into his canvas bag. She went to hand him her bat back, but he put up a hand. “You’re keeping that one.”

“Oookay” She felt a little annoyed at his bossiness, especially since he was already being so cagey with whatever secrets he was hiding, especially especially since she was there volunteering to help him. But he seemed to dig through the canvas bag like a man on a mission, so instead of arguing, she leaned on the bat and watched him as he pulled out some yellow rubber gloves and some sort of wire cutters from an inside pocket on the side of the bag.

As he donned the gloves, he looked at her. “So we’re going to go from station to station  and disconnect the main computer frame at each one. I need you to beat the ever-loving shit out of them. After that, we need to disconnect each of the servers that work as the mainframe” - he gestured around at the computers lining the wall - “And then we should be done.” 

“So the goal is to trash all these computers so that no one can access the data on them?”

“Yep” he nodded at her with another one of his fake toothy grins. Christine was starting to get really annoyed at his fake ass smile. He’d already shown her the real thing plenty tonight. She hoped he’d get over whatever the fuck was on his mind already. 

“Then let’s get to work.” She’d wait for her moment. There had to be a point where some opportunity to learn what was going on would present itself. She needed to play the long game.

Felix began leaning near each station and cutting the wires at the computers meticulously. When he finished, he’d pull out the part of the computer Christine needed to beat up, and she’d wale on them until they were hardly recognizable. At first, she was able to keep up easily, but soon, he seemed to develop a rhythm and she was slowly getting tuckered out again. Christine stared at the logo that she saw on each and every computer part she thrashed. IBM. Fuck, was this one of their offices? Why did Felix have beef with them?

Felix tried to keep his mind on his work, but the earlier stress kept eating at him, and by the time he finished all the stations, he felt like the room was practically spinning. He was struggling to breathe. He looked over, and was glad to see that Christine was completely focused on her work. She was still quite a few computers behind and didn’t seem to notice how out of it he was. He knew what he needed, and he didn’t want her around for it. So he hurried back to the canvas bag, and tried to speak as nonchalantly as possible. “Hey, I need to go upstairs for a smoke. You good down here?”

“Never better.” He heard her reply through gritted teeth. He was thankful she was so meticulous and, putting the wire cutters to the side, he grabbed the box of matches and quickly retreated up the stairs.

Christine was surprised. She figured she’d get a shot to snoop around undisturbed, but didn’t expect it to happen quite so soon. He had practically fled as soon as he finished disconnecting the stations, and she finally had the basement to herself. She stopped beating up computers for a moment, and took a look around. There were a few doors that lead out from the basement, and she figured her best bet at finding clues was to search around in the other rooms down here.

The first few doors were simply disappointments, unfortunately. There was a janitor closet with a mop bucket that looked like it should have been dumped twenty years prior. There was a bathroom that had a smell that suggested either a lot of drug use or else that someone had used it that really needed to go to the hospital at one point (She did not stick around to make up her mind about it). But one of the doors opened up to reveal another office supply closet, with several surprisingly sturdy cardboard boxes filled with reams of unused printer paper. She decided to hide one of the detached server computers behind the boxes for now, figuring that instead of beating it up now, she could see if she could maybe try to rip information off of it later. It took a few minutes of dragging the heavy thing over, but she didn’t hear any sign of Felix, and she hid the damn thing without problem. 

Finally she checked the last room, just to be sure. It was another tech supply closet, but this one had a lot more than just a single box of wires. There were a few unused monitors, and Christine hoped that maybe Felix would forget to check this room so she could use them later to access any of the computers left in the building. But she also noticed a single strange box in the corner with a blue logo she wasn’t sure she’d seen before. C&A. She was about to walk over and open it up, but suddenly, she heard Felix descending down the stairs, and she quickly closed the door as silently as she could, and then dashed over back to the servers she was supposed to be demolishing. Her curiosity could wait for now.

Felix sat down on the concrete curb outside. Out here in Naperville, the traffic was a lot quieter than his neck of the woods. It’d been a long time since he’d been back to his old stomping grounds and he had missed it. Well, almost. He took his gloves off and put them to the side, then fished the red and green matchbox from his pocket. He pulled out a single match, and held it in front of him, examining it. It’d been a few months since he did this, but there really wasn’t any helping it. He felt like this little ritual of his was the only way he could truly confirm his own sanity.

“I am here. I am real,” he slowly whispered to himself. He struck the match and held it in his left hand, and watched the match burn. After a moment, he pinched the flame with his calloused fingers and winced. Fuck. It burned and it hurt and it felt so good. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as his body felt more alive. He took a second to just really appreciate the feeling. But he wasn’t done.

He took a second match and struck it, lighting it up. “I am me. I alone am in control,” he spoke the words like a prayer. Like an incantation of a long forgotten spell. He held the match in the two blistered fingers of his right hand, and his left hand hovered over the match, as if he was suddenly aware of just how badly this would hurt. He stared at the flame. At his hand. No one was here to observe the look of unadulterated fear in his eyes. But in the next moment, he had pinched the flame out with his left hand, and the pain seemed to grant him relief. He was okay. He was safe.

Felix leaned back onto his palms, with his arms behind him, and stared up at the light polluted night sky. And he let himself weep. This really was over. He didn’t have to worry anymore. He took a few minutes to collect himself, before getting back up, and then sliding the gloves back over his new blisters. It was time to wrap this up.

Chapter Text

Felix opened the door to the server room and found a surprising amount of unsmashed computers. Christine looked like she had hastily picked up the bat on his return, and he felt a pang of guilt for shoving this on her.

“Hey, look, I was just taking a quick break, I didn’t…” Felix put a finger up to silence her hasty rambling.

“Look, I’ve been letting you do the hard work long enough. Let me wrap this up.” He held his hand out meaningfully, and Christine, looking down in embarrassment, handed him the bat. The fact that she seemed really guilty for not having these computers smashed up made him feel really bad. What sort of pressure was he putting on her?

Christine sat down in the chair, unable to face Felix. Here he was, compensating for her lack of work ethic, while she had just been running around, hiding the equipment she had promised to help him destroy. She had made up her mind that it was fine; he had refused to offer her information, and clearly, they were here destroying property that didn’t belong to either of them. At the same time, she had told him she accepted his terms. She came down here promising that she wouldn’t mess with any of the computers other than to destroy them. That she had accepted that he wouldn’t tell her anything. She felt herself arguing back and forth in her head, trying to reach a consensus on whether she was betraying him or whether she could justify her actions. But, as he kept swinging the wooden baseball bat, he finally spoke up, and cut through the thoughts in her head.

“So… where are you from?” Her head snapped up.

“Uh… here? Chicago? Born and raised.”

“Nahhhh, I mean where are you FROM?”

She stared at him with half-lidded eyes in annoyance. “Are you asking what my ethnicity is?”

He continued to smash the computers with the baseball bat, not looking up, but the corners of his mouth betrayed his amusement at her audible annoyance. “Yeah, Wildcard, that’s what I’m asking. What, you’ve never been asked that before?”
“Yeah, I’ve been asked that. By white people. Are you about to tell me that question never pisses you off?”

He finally stopped swinging for just a second, and gave her a shit-eating grin. “Oh that question pisses me off every time I hear it. That’s why I’m asking you right now.”

Christine leaned over and grabbed a loose computer mouse from the work station she was sitting on, and chucked it wordlessly at his head. Felix laughed and half-heartedly dodged, letting the mouse hit him in the shoulder, before going back to swinging his baseball bat. She couldn’t help but grin at this idiot. He was a real piece of work.

“If you must know, I’m Korean on my dad’s side and Native American on my mom’s side. What about you? And don’t you dare make me guess, jackass, you’ve been testing my patience all night.”

Felix finished beating one of the targets of his fury, and then leaned on the bat, balancing himself with one hand. “If it wasn’t obvious, I’m Mexican. And Guatemalan. And Colombian. And maybe a little bit of Brazilian? I don’t think my family ever really kne…”

At that moment, the wooden bat, which had been hitting quite a bit of office equipment it was never designed to hit, snapped, and Felix went sprawling on the floor. Christine grabbed her stomach and howled with laughter as the splintered bat went everywhere. Felix lay there in shock for a moment, sat up, and started cracking up as well. 

“Hey, jackass, what did you think was going to happen when you leaned on that bat?”

Christine jumped down, and held out a hand to help Felix up. As he went to grab it, she could feel his firm grip through the rubber gloves, and had to take a moment to push back the strange feeling she felt in her chest. It was strange. She usually hated being touched, but she liked the way his hand enveloped hers. It was so much larger.

Felix pulled himself up with her help, and lingered a bit close to her for a moment, before taking a step back and letting go of her hand. He patted his body, as if making sure he wasn’t missing any pieces, while chuckling and answering her question.

“I mean, you leaned on it earlier. I thought I was safe… also jackass, is that my official title now?”

“Yeah, and I’m like 100 pounds lighter than your giant ass. And yes, I’ve decided if you get to call me Wildcard, I get to call you jackass.”

“Ah yes… an even trade,” Felix smirked at her and took a step forward, watching her. Christine stared back, wide eyed. The laughter was gone and left a change in familiarity between them. They had suddenly locked eyes, neither able to form a coherent thought. There was a magnetic pull between them that threatened to entangle them in a very permanent way.

And then the moment was gone, as Felix very pointedly looked away and walked across the room, back to the canvas bag once more, and left Christine standing there, her mind reeling. That… that was very clearly not something she felt one-sidedly, right? She’d seen it in his eyes. He’d definitely felt whatever that was as well. Why didn’t he…? Weren’t guys usually more assertive with these types of things? What just happened? Was it her? Was she just too young for him? Her mind was going in circles, flush with an experience she’d never felt before, but also swimming in sudden insecurities, while also finding herself unable to pretend away the truth. She wanted him. Yes, he was much older than she would normally go for. She wasn’t particularly attracted to older men. But there was a chemistry she hadn’t felt before with anyone she’d ever flirted with. He was witty, but also a dork. He was prideful, but he didn’t seem to be afraid to play the fool. He gave off a careless vibe most of the time, but there was an intensity that he seemed unable to mask. And yet, he was definitely avoiding her. Maybe… oh shit, maybe he wasn’t single? Fuck. Yeah, of course he’d be taken. That had to be it. She groaned softly. Just her luck. But… but maybe he wasn’t. She felt like she was really reaching, but just maybe he was only being super thoughtful. Maybe she was supposed to make the first move, since she was younger. He might just be really responsible about this sort of thing.

Felix’s face was staring into the canvas bag and wondering when the hell he became so irresponsible. He’d almost made a move. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone in a decade. He was used to flirting as a pastime and it meaning nothing. He was a player. He enjoyed breaking hearts of men and women he met at the club. And yet, here he was, practically losing control with a GIRL (emphasis on girl, as he tried to shame his unruly heart back under his control), unable to keep himself from imagining himself grabbing her and... and… He was losing the plot. She was supposed to be a little bit of company to help keep him grounded, since his brother had bailed on him tonight. He needed to try to create some distance. Maybe if he reminded her how late it was getting… he checked his phone. It was just about 10pm. Maybe she’d want to leave early. He’d promise to get her pizza next time, come back and finish what he’d planned to do, and then just ghost her. Easy. He had this under control… “You okay?”

Christine had wandered over, because he’d been staring in the bag for a couple of minutes. Felix looked up. He did not have this under control. 

“Yeah, yeah, Squirt, never better. Just grabbing this!” Felix pulled out the aluminum bat they had been using earlier, but Christine frowned.

“Don’t fucking call me that.” She stared at him, judging. Oh yeah, she could tell he was definitely creating space. Was this… was he really worth the hassle? He really gave her emotional whiplash, and she was starting to get sick of it. But then he looked at her and gave her a roguish grin. “What, you like Wildcard that much?”

 Christine cursed her taste in men. Why did she love his smile so much? Why did he have to be so attractive? “If it’s between Squirt and Wildcard, I’d rather Wildcard.”

Felix looked like he was contemplating that, and she was really fucking worried that she had just doomed herself to be called Squirt for the rest of the night, but, to her surprise, he seemed to listen for once.

“Alright, Wildcard, how about this? While I finish beating the crap out of these computers, why don’t you get a head start on disconnecting the mainframe servers with the wire cutters? Think you can do that?”

“Uh, yeah? I just watched you disconnect like 40 or 50 computers back to back. Pretty sure I can do this.”

“Excellent!” Felix grabbed the wire cutters and handed them to her. She took them, but then held her hand out again. Felix was confused. “What? Did you want something else?”

She looked at him incredulously. “The gloves? The rubber gloves? You don’t want me to get shocked to death, do you?”

Oh shoot. He hadn’t thought of that. Of course, she should obviously have the gloves. But if he took them off, she might see… but the die was cast, and it wasn’t likely she’d notice anyways, and he could easily play it off. He tried to keep a straight face as he peeled the gloves off.

“I mean, I feel like if you got shocked, I wouldn’t personally mind, but the smell would suck, and cleanup would be a nightmare…”

“Right. Sure.” Christine matched his gaze, and when he held both gloves out, she swiped them extra roughly, just because she could. Because she enjoyed needling him, and she got the distinct impression that he enjoyed being needled.

Felix picked up the aluminum bat and the two of them headed in completely different directions, to finish their work. Felix tried to clear his head, and really started wailing on the few computers left from the work stations. Meanwhile, Christine started slowly pulling out the plastic cabinets. They were extremely heavy, and she found it unwieldy. She got the first one barely pulled back enough from the wall for her and barely squeezed behind it to cut out the wires. At which point, she realized she was probably approaching this wrong. For the second cabinet, she opened it instead, and sat on the floor, pulling out large technological bricks on the bottom shelves. She uncovered what she was searching for, a central location at the bottom of the cabinet, where all the wires were gathered to exit the structure. She felt a presence behind her, and then his breath on her neck as he crouched down behind her.

Felix spoke calmly, “These all look like old VCRs. Or maybe like… old synthesizers.” 

She turned around to face him, furious at how easily he was beginning to make her blush. He smiled at her easily and casually.

Unbeknownst to her, this smile masked his growing frustration at his lack of self-control. He couldn’t keep himself away from her. He needed to be in her face, annoying her at all times. He wanted to poke and prod her. The way she glared at him was addicting. He kept trying to rebuild his resolve, but it kept crumbling any moment he approached her. 

Christine couldn’t stop staring at his lips as she answered tersely, furiously reminding herself how he’d just dodged a moment like this earlier, before entering her personal space again.

“Yeah, I highly doubt… Are you single?” Shit. She just let her thoughts slip out. His reaction was immediate. His smile grew tight; his eyes went wide. She felt like he’d have had the exact same reaction if she had just slapped him.

Felix spoke through gritted teeth, as if in pain. “That’s a sudden question. Why would you ask that?”

Christine’s brain went into overdrive to salvage her dignity. “Look, you were just really close and I thought, well, maybe your girlfriend might be concerned about something like that.” Oh yeah. This was real smooth. Definitely not obvious.

Felix stood up, and she didn’t know if she wanted to strangle him or strangle herself. “Well, who said I swung that way? I might have a boyfriend, for all you know.” He seemed to be scrambling just as much as she was. The satisfaction of realizing that calmed her down and she was able to snark naturally again at his response.

“I don’t know why you’re avoiding a simple question. If you won’t answer me, you can stop annoying me and get back to work.”

“So you’re saying I’m allowed to annoy you as long as I answer you?” No, that was not what she was saying, but then he started to nudge her with his foot, and she closed her eyes and sighed as he tested the limits of her patience once again. Felix continued, “Well, if you must know, I am currently single. But I’m not really sure why you’re asking. That’s a real suspicious question.”

Christine might have still been extremely embarrassed if she hadn’t already clocked him scrambling earlier. So she decided to ignore his provocation and leaned into the cabinet to cut the wires she had already revealed. And as she finished, that’s when his foot nudged her again in a gentle kicking motion. Right in the seat of her pants.

She pulled herself out of the cabinet and turned to glare at him. He looked proud of himself as if he had done anything worth being proud of. She wanted to ask him ‘Are you pleased with yourself?’ but the words wouldn’t come out. So she decided to just cut the tension. This was stupid and she was done playing around. She stood up, and she watched fear flicker onto his grin.

“W-was that too fa…” She didn’t let him finish that sentence. She reached up and grabbed him by the collar and with the element of surprise, was able to bring his head down just enough that she could stretch on her toes and kiss him.

Warm, rough, and plenty of stubble. He was frozen for a moment as she pressed her lips into his. And then he pressed into her hard and wild. She had kissed him as deep as she dared with a closed mouth, but he immediately forced his tongue into her. It was like he had been waiting to ravage her. He kissed her hard and she stumbled back, kicking the computer bricks out of the way. She was uncomfortably pressed into the open cabinet, but despite the oddly shaped plastic and metal being pressed into her back, she was lost in this kiss. Fuck, she didn’t know how long exactly she’d been wanting this. But this experience was so much more than she knew was possible. His large and rough hands ran along her back and waist. Now his left hand was firmly grabbing her chin and pulling her in, while the right brushed her hair away from her cheek and smoothly slid behind her neck to cradle her closely. His tongue was merciless and experienced. She was by no means a novice when it came to kissing, but he moved with an assurance that guided her up, down, and around. He gently bit her lower lip, then sucked on her tongue like he needed every drop of her nectar. She felt so overwhelmed and at his mercy, and couldn’t help but let him do as he pleased. Now his left hand was behind her shoulder and practically lifting her up to him, and no, wait, his right hand grabbed her ass and she was being lifted up and she couldn’t even think. Felix had turned and sat her down on a nearby workstation, which thankfully was one of the few stations here that was simply an empty desk, save for a printer on the far side.

Felix broke apart from her and took a step back. They both panted, out of breath, trying to make sense of what just happened. He groaned and covered his face with his hands. “I’m way too old for you…”

She grinned. It was exactly as she thought. He was just trying to be cautious. “I think I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”

He glared at her from between his fingers. “I haven’t even told you how old I am.”

She smiled sweetly. “Go on. Tell me how old.” She peeled off her gloves, daring him with her eyes to give her an answer that would give her pause.

Felix knew he was cooked. For a wild moment, he considered lying to her, but he resigned himself to the truth. “Twenty-nine,” He muttered, as he lowered his hands.

Christine smiled even wider. “You’re actually a lot younger than I thought.”

He stood there for a moment, squinting with mock-fury at this short little minx who seemed to smugly know that she already had him around her finger. And then he rushed her. To hell with the consequences. At this moment, he wanted her and he couldn’t resist anymore. It was futile to try.

He pinned her down against the desk, and she shuddered under his touch. She squirmed as his hands roamed greedily. His kisses were rougher; he bit more, almost like he wanted to mark her lips with hunger. Christine wrapped her legs around his waist, and he began to rhythmically hump her. His mouth trailed off her lips and onto her throat, and she couldn’t hold back her moans. Her hands found purchase on his shoulders and as she felt him leaving a hickey, she started clawing his shirt upwards, slowly pulling it up from the top. She had just reached the hem of his shirt, when he suddenly pushed her back and extracted himself from her grip.

They breathed heavily and while Christine was hungry for more, after a moment she became aware that the look on his face wasn’t one of lust, but almost… terror. He held a hand to his chest, and backed up, looking away from her. And she sat up, the moment over. Her brows furrowed. Was he overstimulated? Did she do something wrong? And he looked up at her and grinned, and it was the same grin as he had earlier. Very believable, but not quite right. The smile didn’t reach his eyes yet again.

“Well, that was fun, but we really shouldn’t get side tracked.” He spoke like they had just gotten sucked into a game of checkers rather than sucking each other’s faces.

Christine felt anxious and unsure of what to do. She crossed her arms, trying to re-establish a sense of security now that he was clearly putting up some walls. She felt an ache in her heart and a sense of dread and confusion. She didn’t understand what just happened, but it was bad, whatever it was.

“Right… we have a job to do.” She spoke cautiously and carefully, trying not to betray her disappointment.

At her words, Felix seemed to relax slightly. He smiled wider and more convincingly, but she was quickly becoming familiar with his expressions. He was still putting up some sort of front. “Exactly! I knew you’d understand, Wildcard! We can worry about other stuff after we finish wrecking these pieces of junk.”

They hadn’t promised or said anything, but Christine felt a horrible sense of betrayal. She couldn’t read him. His intense closeness and then immediate absence left her feeling shitty. But she also felt like this might somehow be her fault. He hadn’t promised anything. It wasn’t even like she was looking for any sort of commitment. The abruptness just hurt her in a way she wasn’t expecting. 

She got up and smoothed out her very wrinkled navy blue outfit, still stained with the red spray paint he had tagged her with hours ago, and she kept her eyes on the floor. She walked back over to the servers, and she knew he wasn’t moving. She could feel his eyes on her. And she felt so exposed and raw. She hated this. She hated him. Why was he like this? Why was he so intense and then so detached? It pissed her off.

They worked in silence on that first wall. On it alone there were nearly as many servers as there were work stations they had already cleared. Christine was gritting her teeth the whole time, wondering why she was even here. She could hear Felix beating the computers with unnecessary force, and wondered bitterly if he was at least enjoying himself.

Felix was absolutely miserable. He hated himself. He hated his weakness. He hated the cold repulsion he felt when her hand touched his skin. It had been a chill. Just utter rejection. He suddenly needed her off and away and he just… something had flipped. He thought being with her was different. She certainly had felt different than every other person he had been with the last eight years. But that hadn’t mattered. He still… Fuck. He could hear her sniffling as they worked, and it tore him to pieces. He knew there was no good from getting close, but he still fucked it up. As soon as she kissed him, he lost all control. He was supposed to be better than this. He stopped beating up the computer he was working on and leaned against the door of a cabinet. They were just about a third of the way through. He looked over and watched her as she finished disconnecting the last computer, and she sat back on her haunches and looked up at him, looking emotionally exhausted and pleading. And he knew he had to say something.

“Look I… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry I…” Felix was blowing this so hard. He didn’t know what to say. He knew he couldn’t keep pretending this away, as much as he wanted to, but he really didn’t want to try to explain something he barely understood himself. He felt like a boy again, and he subconsciously took the stance of one, reverting to body language from his youth. Feet apart, looking off to the side, one arm crossed over and holding the other arm, which hung limply on his side.

Christine saw this, and something registered. Something clicked. She didn’t know why, but it seemed like he was really struggling. He looked vulnerable and afraid, and maybe… maybe there were other things at play here. She felt a pang of sympathy for him. She wiped her dried tears while his gaze was diverted, and called out in an affectionate tone.

“Hey, Jackass”

His head snapped back to her, his grip on his arm tightened. He was afraid what she might say. But he saw the soft smile, and visibly relaxed as she spoke again. 

“You can just talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Felix let go of his arm, suddenly hyper aware of his body language. His face flushed, but he maintained eye contact. His hands fidgeted with each other, unsure of what to do with themselves. He took a breath and tried again.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away, okay? I really don’t want to get into what just happened, but I thought it was important to acknowledge it was a me thing and not a you thing and I didn’t want you to be upset or anything…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say, but Christine had heard what she needed to. She gave him an easy smile.

“Don’t worry about it. We’re cool, alright? Let’s just finish this job.”

“Right, yeah. Let’s do this.” He smiled warmly, genuinely. There was a pinch of embarrassment and shame. But a lot of relief. She wasn’t asking him to clarify. It seemed just apologizing was enough for her. He felt a strange mixture of foolishness and gratitude.

As Christine turned back to her work, she thought about what she had just noticed. She thought she had felt something a bit odd earlier, but seeing it confirmed it. He’d burned his fingers at some point. Probably when he went outside for a “smoke”. She was wondering earlier when they kissed why she didn’t taste any tobacco. But now, she noticed the raw blisters on both of his hands. They were clearly intentional. He seemed to be going through a lot.

They continued their work mostly in silence for half of the second wall. They were really hitting their stride. But the labor was stretching on for hours. Christine was deep in a cabinet when she finally spoke.

“Were you really planning on doing all this by yourself?”

“Not originally.” Felix answered gruffly. He hit one smaller computer brick and sent his skittering across the tiled floor before it crashed into a cabinet they had already ripped open and destroyed.

“Oh, right. You mentioned someone bailed on you?” She finished cutting through the latest batch of wires and sat back, popping her neck. Fuck, this was sweaty work.

Felix reached into the cabinet he was currently working on and ripped out a particularly large piece of hardware. The glass protecting the magnetic tape on the inside shattered as it slammed onto the floor unceremoniously. “Yeah, believe it or not, I wasn’t intending on duel wielding bats tonight.”

He looked over at her, staring a little bit. Christine noticed he seemed to have lost a bit of subtly now that they’d made out. She had hoped that the tension between them would have been relieved a little bit, especially after his… whatever that was. And while that was somewhat true, she also couldn’t stop thinking of his hands on her and how much she wanted to taste him again. And his stare wasn’t helping. She deliberately broke their eye contact and went back to her work as she continued their conversation. “I thought you had just planned on trashing your wooden bat. You were using it like you wanted it to break.”

Felix grimaced. “You’re so observant, aren’t you?” He wasn’t pleased and it bled into the tone of his voice. Christine was shocked actually. She was just needling him. She actually had no idea her little joke was right on the money. She stopped pulling out computer bits to look back over at him, and he was staring off again, leaning on the metal bat. “Sometimes…” He spoke again quietly, like he was thinking aloud rather than talking to her. “Sometimes it’s easier to just let the past be ruined. Better to sever the connection so you can move on and stop hanging onto false hope. Just have closure rather than a vague pretense that things can go back to the way they were. Because you can’t ever get back what’s already gone.” He glanced over hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure what she’d say to that, and started when he noticed she was giving him her full attention. He quickly returned to work, as if afraid she was about to call him a slacker.

Christine didn’t say anything for a moment, but went back to her work as well, locating the exit port where the wires all came together. She thought about what he said, and how that might relate to shattering a wooden bat. She hadn’t thought about it, but those pieces were still scattered across the floor in the middle of the room, and would probably remain abandoned there by the end of the night.

Felix was blushing furiously. What possessed him to say all that? He just said whatever was on his mind. It was ridiculous. What was she supposed to make of that? It was just a wooden bat. Why did he make a big deal out of it? He wanted to throttle himself. He felt so unsettled and off balance. He tamped his bat on the hardware he was working on, and vainly attempted to impale the piece of plastic on the dull club. He slammed it over and over, trying to throw his attention aggressively into the act and pleading with his brain to just shut up for once. And then Christine spoke, and stole away all of his intentions, and he looked up at her, betraying how much he anticipated her response.

“I think…” She wanted to speak carefully. She felt like whatever they were doing tonight seemed to have the side effect of opening up someone who often kept themselves closed off. He felt like a needy but skittish animal, ready to flee at the first sign of rejection, but unable to keep himself from coming back for whatever connection they had. Every word she said seemed to have weight beyond what she intended, and she wanted to speak with care. “I think that while you’re right we can’t always get back the things we’ve lost, we can still appreciate what we have.” She looked across the room at one of the pieces of the wooden bat. “There’s no need to destroy what we have just because it’s not what we wanted. We should value what we have for what it is. If we can let go of what we think it ought to be, it might find value as something else.” She looked back at him, hoping she answered right. She was speaking so vaguely and wasn’t sure what exactly he was thinking about in the first place. She searched his face, looking for any sort of indication that her words had any effect on him.

Felix had listened carefully. He… he didn’t know if he really believed in her optimism. It felt naive. And yet, there was a certain weight to what she said that made him uncomfortable. She made him feel foolish. He needed to think on this later. He couldn’t process it all now. So he painted on a smile. “Geeze, Wildcard, you don’t sound like you’re talking about a baseball bat.”

She looked back at him, frazzled and stressed out. “W-were we not?”

Dammit. He had to throw her a bone. He just wanted to defuse the situation but she was taking it the wrong way again.

“Maybe we were, maybe we weren’t.” He looked over at the baseball bat, so he didn’t have to feel guilty over the face she was making. He hated saying the quiet part out loud, but this was his fault for accidentally opening up and getting all philosophical on her. He had to clean up his mess. “Look, I’ll think about what you said, alright? But let’s just drop it for now, yeah?”

“You know…” She spoke carefully as she turned back to work again. “You drop a lot of topics. Have you ever noticed that?”

He hesitated for a second before picking up his bat again and swinging it directly into the computer in front of him. “I don’t think that’s true at all. I think you’re just over-thinking things.”

Christine didn’t like that. She was not about to let him gaslight her. “Look, Jackass, I can list them out if you want.” She tore out the guts of another computer cabinet as she pulled herself out from cutting the wires once more. They were closing in on the end of this wall, and they only had one more to go.

“Sure, go on. List them out.” Felix knew this was a dangerous bluff, but he was getting pretty sick and tired of getting called out. She had a way of pushing back on him, and while it was refreshing at first, he was getting pretty sick of it. She left him feeling sore and defensive, and he was getting exhausted, both physically and mentally. He’d already tried and failed to keep himself from laying a hand on her, and now she wanted to dig around his head like a psych and he had let her. He was extremely pissed off at her and himself and he just wanted to go to bed, but he had so much work to do after she was gone and then he had to drive an hour back to his family’s place… Oh, wait, she was actually listing things out. He had tuned her out.

“Well, this baseball bat thing just now. There was your “thing” earlier after we… after we made out.” They really hadn’t talked about that and while she wasn’t under any allusions that it meant anything, it was also still very intense and very raw. “You had that overheated moment before you went out for a smoke break, supposedly. And you still won’t tell me what’s up with this place!” She really was losing her patience the more she thought about it. And he was staring at her with a vacant smile on his face and it was annoying her. As she spat out the last bit, he blinked like he was waking up and looked at her and smiled again, “I’m sorry, you lost me for a second, what did you say?”

She grabbed a smaller computer brick from the pile she had just emptied out of one of the cabinets, yanked off the wires, and chucked it at his stupid face in anger. She watched with satisfaction as panic flashed in his eyes, before he swung his bat and it flew across the  room and hit the far wall. They both stared at it and then looked back at each other with a grin.

She started chucking the smaller computer parts at him as fast as she could disconnect them, and he warded them off with the bat. He was laughing so hard, he could hardly hold his bat straight, and there were several close calls where he missed the incoming missile altogether and it nearly crashed into him. Finally, he hit one that narrowly avoided her head, and he gasped for a moment, worried he might have hurt her. But seeing his face just made her crack up and then they were laughing together, and he crouched down next to her and they shared a moment in absurdity. Two adults playing baseball with office equipment in an abandoned building as midnight slowly drew near. They both knew how ridiculous they were being and they enjoyed the company in it. 

And Felix looked over and saw her face twisted with mirth, and was filled with a longing that every inch of him fought against giving into. And she looked back and saw the hunger in his eyes; she could see through him. And so, even though in the back of her mind, she knew he’d retreat eventually, she leaned out and kissed him again, her lips on his, urging him to savor their connection. And for a moment, savor he did. He kissed her back, roughly. She felt just how starved he was with the furiosity of his movements, as if the kisses they shared earlier had done nothing but remind him of his appetite. And then he pulled away, but this time calmer, more controlled, and while she didn’t want to let him go, there was no fear or chill in the air this time. He looked relaxed and calm as he regarded her, and she smiled. And they let the moment linger, before he stood up without a word, groaning slightly at the effort, while she turned away. Play time was over. For now.

She worked quickly, disconnecting the last of the computer cabinets on the second wall, as he kept pace with her, smashing each piece of tech with some unknown threshold of thoroughness in mind. She was sure half of what they tore up was useless junk already that didn’t have anything of value, but it didn’t seem like either of them were computer experts, so whatever it was they were accomplishing, he was achieving through thoroughness and brute force.

As she got up and she stripped off the rubber gloves for a moment to let her hands breath, Felix broke the silence this time. “This urbexing that you’re doing. How long have you been doing it?”

Christine looked at him quizzically. “I’m not uber x’ing. What are you talking about?”

Felix wheezed and bent over, a hand on his knee keeping himself from toppling over. Christine regarded him without amusement. He was having fun at her expense again and she was sure she’d know why in a moment. It was no longer worth feeling stupid at whatever it was he decided she should already know, so other than a terse glance, she paid him no mind and started dusting herself off.

Felix finally caught his breath, maybe a bit more quickly than he would have otherwise, given her reaction and decided to clarify for her. “I didn’t say uber x’ing. I said urbexing. Urban exploring.”

Ah, that explained it. She rolled her eyes and stretched, entirely unconcerned with his cheeky grin. “Ah, yes, that. You guessed right earlier. I just started. This only the third expedition I’ve attempted. Certainly more exciting than the two previous places I’ve hit up. I definitely hadn’t expected to be out here this late.”

“Am I keeping you out late on a school night? You got classes in the morning?” Felix smiled outwardly, but inwardly he cringed. The connection between them had heated up so quickly, but he still knew next to nothing about this woman. Their chemistry vexed him greatly.

Christine evaluated Felix for a moment. He seemed to be toying with her again. Or maybe he was really clueless. It wasn’t like he was attending college like she was.

“Actually, this semester, most classes are online, due to the pandemic. Lectures are being livestreamed, but you can always watch them back later.”

Felix raised his eyebrows surprised. But then, yeah, that made sense. This whole pandemic thing was stretching out longer than he’d thought. He’s sure he wasn’t alone in that sentiment.

Christine continued, “But I guess I’ve just felt a little cooped up, you know? I thought I’d try it out. Maybe start a youtube channel. You sound like you’ve done this sort of thing before.” She walked over to the next set of computers in the dim office light. The fluorescent lights continued to buzz overhead. She glanced at the time. It was half past eleven. She getting tired.

“Pshh, I already told ya. Urban exploring’s not my thing. I only found this place looking for spots to smoke weed in peace back when I worked in fast food.” Felix continued smashing his computers, but his pace was flagging. He was slowing down.

Christine noticed this. “You wanna try finishing this tomorrow? There’s no need to rush this right?”

Felix paused thoughtfully. “As tempting as it is to call it a night, the reality is I need to head back to Cleveland tomorrow. I don’t want to hold you up if you need to leave, but I need to finish this tonight.”

Of course. Of fucking course. “You don’t live around here?” Christine couldn’t keep the dismay out of her voice.

Felix regarded her with resignation. “Nah, my folks still live around here, but I moved on a while back. I’m wrapping up my time here, and thought I’d take care of unfinished business.”

She was quiet for a moment as she started disconnecting computer cabinets again on the last wall. She wasn’t exactly trying to tie this fucker down, but there was something aggravating about him living six hours away. Whatever this connection was seemed doomed. He was slippery enough when he was right in front of her. There was no way they were going to explore this connection further.

She heard Felix finish up on the second wall and coming to join her on the third one. He stood next to her for a moment. “Finally regretting shoving your tongue down my throat?”

His words were mocking, but his tone was anything but. She sat back on her haunches again and looked up at him. “Would it change anything if I did?”

He actually seemed torn up about it. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on or anything…” Felix looked awkward and a bit defeated as he scratched his neck. It made her smile. He had a way of putting her at ease.

“Don’t even start with me, bunny boy. It was my decision, and you kissed well enough that I don’t have anything to regret.”

He actually blushed hard at that, and that really made her grin. After a moment, he couldn’t maintain eye contact. He opened the first cabinet she had already disconnected and started pulling out the components haphazardly. She watched him, pleased at his flummoxed body language. After his brain had a moment to catch up, he peeked around the cabinet door with a confused look on his face.

“Where did bunny boy come from? Are you making another reference to Oswald?”

She had gotten back to work, and was in a face full of dust. She opened her mouth to answer, but accidentally inhaled a dust bunny of all things. She started wheezing and coughing and that actually stunlocked her for a good thirty seconds before she could speak.

By the time she regained control of her sinuses, he was watching her with a bemused grin. “Any time now,” Felix taunted her from behind one of his grins. She grabbed a nearby floppy disk reader and chucked it at him, but he just ducked behind the grey cabinet door, cackling.

“I saw your tattoo of that vampire rabbit earlier when you took your shirt off. I thought it suited you.”

Her words surprised him. He’d entirely forgotten he’d taken his shirt off earlier. “Ah, yeah, that. It’s actually a jackalope.”

Christine looked at him questioningly. “Do jackalopes usually have bat wings?”

Felix grinned at her devilishly. “I hate to break the news to you, Wildcard, but jackalopes don't actually exist.”

She flipped him off in her yellow rubber gloves and went back to her wires.

She heard him ripping out the guts of the cabinet he had been working on resume before his voice spoke up again. “My brother drew it actually. It was second tattoo I ever got. It’s still my favorite.”

He spoke nonchalantly, but this felt like the first real personal information he was offering up. She felt childishly giddy, but gave him no indication. She casually kept moving, acting almost disinterested as she followed up with another question.

“Oh yeah? Are you close with your brother?”

He was quiet for a few minutes. She kept working on one cabinet, and then another. As she started working on her third cabinet, he finally answered her between swings at the computer equipment. “I used to be. That was his baseball bat earlier. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

She bit her lip. She started to open her mouth to ask another question, but he beat her to the punch. “What about you? Any siblings?”

She shifted her jaw thoughtfully, and then acquiesced to his decision to change the subject. “No, I’m an only child.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, I thought so.”

She kept working, but her eyes narrowed in frustration. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He laughed at the tone of her voice. “You’re easy to tease. I feel like I hardly have to try to wind you up.”

Delusional. He was utterly obnoxious.

Felix continued, “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone throw so many computer parts at my head before.”

“Maybe if you had, you’d be more well behaved.”

“HA!” He practically barked at that. She looked over and saw perhaps his widest grin all night and she hated how much that smug face was making her heart do flips. She needed to needle him more, and she knew just the thing. “You look way too happy to be insulted. Don’t tell me you’re actually a masochist.”

Oh that was the ticket. His face went from being completely lit up like a Christmas tree to darker than the far side of the moon. He looked like she’d punched him. She felt a heady wave of serotonin as she watched him being put in his place in real time.

He opened his mouth to argue and then closed it. She smiled, and decided to really lay into him. “Oh, you look adorable. Looks like I hit the nail on the head. You’re finally speechless for once.”

Felix stopped what he was doing, looked at her in disgust, and dropped the bat with a loud clang on the tiles. “You know, you’re talking a lot of crap for someone in tickling distance.”

Oh she was cooked now. She saw his fingers wiggle threateningly, and anticipated what was about to come. She grinned up at him and bit her lip. “You know, resorting to physical violence just means I’m right. You’re nothing but a big, fat maso- eep!”

He rushed her and knocked her over as she squeezed herself into the fetus position, desperately attempting to protect her stomach. His hands were soon all over her, exploring, looking for her weakness. She gasped out loud, laughing like a loon. He wasn’t even tickling her properly, she just enjoyed his mock rage and undivided attention. For his part, Felix enjoyed the excuse for intimacy. She was a drug and he was quickly becoming addicted. He knew he was going to regret all of this by the time the night was over, but right now, in this moment, he wanted to savor the excuses. After all, he was only tickling her to prove a point, right?

Eventually his hand found purchase behind her knee on chance. “No!” she gasped. An error on her part, that reaction was all he needed. He was on her in a moment. He had a hand on either leg, and she couldn’t move them away fast enough. As soon as she opened her legs flat to try to deny him the space behind her knees, he was on her stomach. She was in a lose-lose situation. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she gasped, finally desperate to end this over stimulation. 

He halted and looked at her, as she laid his lap, gasping for air. “What are you sorry for?” He spoke mockingly, like a parent teaching their child how to apologize properly.

She looked at him mischievously. “I’m sorry you’re such a masochist.” She was tense, ready for the repercussions, but, to her surprise, he just relaxed and grinned at her. “Fucking classic.”

She hated how much he had completely won her over. He showed up out of nowhere, pissed her off, and then had the audacity to flirt and kiss properly, and tomorrow he’d be gone. She pouted in a way she knew he wouldn’t understand, but his grin didn’t waver. He took in the vision of her cute face, and then gave her a gentle peck on the forehead. 

It was like they both experienced a factory reboot at the same time. She just blinked, unable to process the genuine moment of affection. He looked just as surprised as she did. He clearly acted without thinking and neither of them seemed prepared for what to do next. They stayed like that for a solid minute, until eventually he slid her off his lap and stood up. She quickly sat up. She couldn’t even feel dread, because it was obvious what he was going to do. 

“So, uh, a youtube channel, huh?” Yep, he was going to grab at a conversation point from practically fifteen minutes ago and just pretend this whole thing didn’t happen. What else had she expected from this coward?

“Yeah, sure, it was just a thought, you know?” She didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in her tone. He was an idiot who couldn’t commit to his feelings, and she was an idiot who couldn’t seem to walk away from this situation. 

They resumed their tasks as if nothing had happened, repeating the same cycle for the upteenth time that night. The mood was low once again, but this time is seemed a bit more permanent. 
“Trying to get famous? Break out on the scene?” His attempts at reigniting the conversation were pitiful, and she really didn’t feel like humoring him anymore. 

“No. I’m not.” He deserved nothing and she gave him nothing.

They worked mostly in silence for the rest of the night. He tried starting up a conversation a couple more times, but each time she was terse and unyielding. He gave up, and they soon finally finished their exhaustingly long feat. As Felix beat the ever-loving shit out of the last computer pieces, she looked around at the room and saw what they had accomplished. Nothing but destruction and broken pieces. It was apt, she decided.

He finished his work, and wiped away his sweat. He walked over to stand next to her. “Damn, we really were productive today, weren’t we? Well, a deal’s a deal. Let’s go get you that pizza.”

She looked at him, his fake ass smile and attempts to hype her up, and she just felt exhausted. “You can knock it off with that. Just take me home, please. I want to sleep.”

She watched as his face fell, and he looked like a wounded pup. Good. Bastard deserved it after tonight. “Yeah, alright then.” He didn’t even try to argue with her. They both sulked and packed their bags, and finally headed out of this blasted basement, full of memories and missed opportunities. He led her out to a pickup truck about a block away, parked behind a Denny’s, and climbed in. She heard him move some trash to the side, before he finally unlocked the passenger side. She climbed in to the smell of tobacco and gasoline. Good grief. It stunk, but at this point she just wanted to crawl back into bed. She could put up with this if it got her home faster.

“What’s your address?” He finally muttered, opening Google maps on his phone. She gave it to him quietly, and he entered it in. It was few minutes away, and while they maintained their somber silence, he finally made one last attempt at conversation at a stoplight.

“Were you planning on walking all this way back? Where’s your car?”

She stared out the window. “I was planning on taking the bus home. They run until like 8. But someone kept me out a lot longer than I expected.”

He looked over at her for a moment, and then glanced down. He probably didn’t realize it, but she could watch him in the reflection of the window pane.

“Look, I’m really grateful for your help tonight. It was gonna suck, but you… you really made it an enjoyable night, for whatever that’s worth. I’m sorry I ruined it.”

She looked over at him, and their eyes met. “I just don’t really understand you,” she admitted. He nodded glumly at that, and then the light turned green. He faced forward to return to driving, and she took a moment to study his face. While he looked young enough, age was slowly etched into his face. Laugh lines were apparent, and his slightly gaunt face made her wonder how well he actually ate. It was late, and it made sense that his eyes were baggy, but they were already baggy early on in the evening. She had noted it once the swelling from the pepper spray had gone down. They reached another light, and he rested his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. She really didn’t know a thing about him, and he sure didn’t help her with that in anyway. But now that the night was ending, she really didn’t have anything to lose. She tried one more time.

“What happened to you there? Why were you so intent on destroying all those computers?”

He opened his eyes and rotated his head on the steering wheel. He looked at her sadly. “I want to tell you. But if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

His rejection was different, but it was still rejection. She finally lost her patience and snapped at him. “This is what I hate about you. You just give up at human connection without even trying!” He blinked in shock. The light turned green, but they didn’t move an inch. He just stared at her, unmoving. Silent. There was a honk behind them.

She sighed, and made a motion with her head for him to drive. He snapped up and started to go. They drove on in silence, slowly approaching their destination. She spoke up again, more gently. “If you really don’t think I can handle the truth, do you think you could tell me something close enough to it to help me understand?”

He kept staring ahead, no indication that he heard her. She was starting to wonder if he was just going to ignore the question, but then he opened his mouth.

“A few years ago, I put on a headset from there. It… hypnotized me or something. I fell asleep. It was like I was in a dream or something… I dunno. I had trouble thinking straight after that.”

She watched him carefully. He didn’t seem to be lying. He spoke again.

“I left town not too long after. I didn’t feel safe here anymore. I’m back in town for my brother’s funeral. I thought I’d put this thing to bed too while I was at it.”

Oh. OH. A few things were starting to fall into place for Christine. “I… I’m sorry for your loss. I had no idea…”

“Yeah,” he interrupted her sharply. “I didn’t want you to.”

They pulled in to the parking lot for her apartment complex. He pulled into a conveniently empty space near the entrance. A handicap space. She glared at him.

He grinned at her, intuiting her meaning. “What? No one’s using it right now. I’ll be gone in a second.”

He was incorrigible. She decided to just let him have this one. For now. She pulled her bag from the back seat, and pulled out a notebook and a pen from a side pocket. She quickly scribbled out something and tore off the page and gave it to him.

He held it in his hand, surprised. Confused. It was her number, signed “Wildcard”. She looked at him and smiled. “Just… if you’re ever in town again. Or even if you just want to text.”

He looked at her intently and started to lean in to kiss her one last time. But she put a finger to her lips, and looked at him with sadness. “Don’t you think you’ve broken my heart enough times tonight?”

He blinked and retreated. He looked away and scratched the back of his neck nervously, filled with shame and embarrassment. “Yeah, yeah, probably.”

He looked back at her, but she was already opening the door and sliding out. He watched as she looked over her shoulder at him and stuck her tongue out at him playfully. “Text me tonight. I’m going to save your number as Jackass.”

He grinned at her. “Yeah, you can count on it.”

She slammed the door, and hurried off with her bag, her mind swirling with emotions. She stayed up a few more hours in bed, unable to sleep, until eventually the exhaustion of the day was too much for her. When she woke up in the morning, she checked her phone. She hadn’t received any messages. Later that day, she decided to swing by the IBM office building, just to see if she had missed anything. The parking lot was blocked off with caution tape and she saw a fire truck and several police cars nearby. The office building had been burned down and left in ashes.

Chapter Text

Felix looked at the clock. It was almost seven. Great. Quitting time. He was keeping pace with the machine pretty well so far. He could relax for a moment. He took a moment to stretch his aching back and glanced around the factory, always roaring with the sound of industrial equipment and forklifts, honking constantly as they all communicated their complicated routes throughout the labyrinth of steel and concrete.

Along his line were five other active machines, each one manned by a worker who took the outputted plastic containers, boxing them up, and then building up the pallets for the forklift drivers to take at their earliest convenience. Felix never really bothered to learn names. Either you worked with someone for over a year and it eventually stuck in your head through repetition, or, the more likely scenario, the coworker would be sacked in the first three months and be replaced. Felix did have a general sense of who these people were, though. 
His coworkers:

1. A hard working woman who took up a shift of work to help with her family’s changing debts. He understood she was constantly playing hot potato with her husband when it came to watching their kids.
2. There was the old man who came from some country he’d never heard of, with an accent he wasn’t familiar with. Felix always found the guy fun to talk to, because he would laugh a lot and make jokes, but when they worked together on some of the other machines, Felix would rather shoot himself, because the old man moved slower than molasses on the line.
3. There was the cheerful fellow, Paul, who kept to himself. Felix had learned he was some sort of felon, and this was one of the only few jobs he could find. Dude seemed nice enough, if maybe a little anti-social. Felix really admired his tattoo game, and sometimes they’d smoke together when they shared a lunch break.
4. There was the young man, who Felix deduced probably had autism. He had trouble communicating at times, but he really applied himself, and was an exemplary employee. 
5. There was the young woman, or maybe they were nonbinary. Felix wasn’t sure, but from the color of their hair, they were certainly queer. They’d just graduated from highschool, and the entry level job with good pay had attracted them to this capitalist hell.

And then Felix was here. He had no real excuse for winding up here, other than he’d been fired or quit pretty much every customer service position he’d been in, along with a list of other various odd jobs. He had never really built a career, and now he was here, the only job where he could barely make rent. He looked around and saw everyone who had a story that led them to this place, but he just kinda wound up here, aimlessly. Doing physical labor and making barely anything more than a kid straight out of high school. He felt washed up, lost, and… what was he doing? Just passing time until he died? 

He found himself almost yearning for the worst days of his life, when he was struggling to survive and exist. Now, he just felt dead inside. At thirty-four, all there was to do was to look forward to getting home to sleep, shower, and recharge for the next work day. Try to squeeze in chores where he could. Life was monotonous these days.

He snapped to attention. Crud. The machine’s fill bin was nearly full. He frantically emptied the product into the cardboard boxes he had, slapped the proper labels on them, and wrapped up the pallet. As he did, he saw his relief come in. Awesome, he was done for the night. Too much time to think. He gave a nod to day shift employee, and just as he was about to leave, he heard a crash behind him.

Oh great. A forklift driver had just knocked over the perfectly good pallet he built. He… he could just leave. He looked towards the walkway that lead to the door. He sighed to himself. He didn’t need any other complaints to his supervisor, warranted or not. He turned around and helped his relief and the forklift driver pick up the scattered boxes and product. What was another ten minutes after a twelve hour shift, right? His life didn’t really matter anyways.
 

He entered his single-bedroom flat around nine in the morning. After peeling his steel-toe boots off at the door, he threw himself on his couch nearby. The old torn up couch was the only real notable furniture he had in here. No TVs, no desktop computers. He never fucking wanted a chance to get pulled in again. His phone on the other hand, that was different. You can’t really live without a phone. It was the only computer device he needed, as far as he was concerned.

He laid on his couch and stared at the ceiling. His walls were bare. The few passions he used to have in the past dried up in the chaos of his early years. The posters he had never framed eventually tore as he moved from place to place, and he didn’t really have any desire to go out and buy more. He used to have a shelf with some anime figurines he used to like, but after getting teased a couple times from people he had brought home, he’d gotten rid of them. Gave them to his younger brother in an attempt to re-establish that connection he’d once had with him. Turns out that giving your old crap to your sibling was less bonding than he’d expected. Well, it had been worth a shot. The shelf itself he never got rid of, but all he kept on it was mail he was too lazy to throw away. Couple documents he figured might be important at some point. He had a little ashtray he’d throw coins in. Yeah, his place was pretty bare.

His living room was separated from the kitchen with a counter top, but ultimately they still somewhat shared the same space. His kitchen counter had plenty of appliances he’d slowly added to over the years, and the cabinets plenty of dishes. But he rarely ever bought groceries. He struggled to find the energy to cook these days, and just grabbed fast food on his way to and from work. His fridge sat nearly empty. Sometimes it had a half-gallon of milk in it. Half the time that half-gallon went expired before he could finish it.

 Felix shifted to his side, trying to get more comfortable. The only good thing about working his hellish schedule was that every other week he got three day weekends. The other extra days off he had during the week were eaten up by how much sleep and chores he had to catch up. But this three day weekend? Yeah this was his time to live and do nothing. 

He’d long stopped clubbing. It was always noisy, and he had liked the atmosphere, but he seemed to be unable to keep himself out of trouble. He was always kind of a light weight, but getting older seemed to make it worse. Once he lost that job two years ago because of a hangover, he kinda just stopped going out. 

Ma always told him he should go to church. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d stopped believing a while back. He just kinda grunted and nodded and let her look disapprovingly. Better to let her think him a slacker than an apostate.

An old friend once told him he should “find a community” by donating his time at some local charity, but it always just felt disingenuous. He didn’t really care about strangers and making unnecessary commitments just sounded like a great way to let other people down.

Felix returned to lying on his back, rubbed his face and sighed, realizing he still missed that friend. He missed a lot of friends. There had been a few friend circles he’d been pulled into over the years, but he was never good at staying connected. Everyone always seemed to fade away. Sometimes they just seemed to busy with their own stuff, and he’d give them space and just never got back to connecting.

Other times he’d listen to a person talking about their interests, feigning to care, unable to find himself thinking, “Who actually gives a shit?” and couldn’t bring himself to keep staying in touch. Trying to connect to others only made him feel emptier and more broken. He’d lost a part of himself that he’d never get back after the headset.

The headset. It was easier now that more time had passed to wholly take in the traumatic event that happened that changed the course of his life. He didn’t need to pretend to himself that it hadn’t hurt him, or hide behind a sarcastic title of the incident. But even being able to think about the past clearly didn’t really change much of where he was. 

Aimless, alone, dispassionate. Lost, exhausted, defeated. 

Felix pulled out his phone. He was tired of being in his own head. It was depressing to engage with the real world. As he pulled up Tiktok, he snorted to himself. Maybe his phone had hypnotized him after all. 

After about an hour of mindlessly scrolling, he got bored and switched to Youtube, checking to see if his favorite youtuber had posted. Ahh…. There she was. He figured it’d be up by now. She was always pretty punctual. He clicked the video and after a few seconds of uncomfortable wind blowing into the microphone he heard her familiar voice.
 

January 2021

About six months after they had met, he had had another unsuccessful attempt of getting laid. Unlike most nights, where he would purposefully destroy the date for fun, and maybe some anxiety at the thought of the things progressing too far, Felix had genuinely tried to just have the casual sex. No sabotaging, no jokes. Just a moment of fun. But of course, he’d pushed away the man he had taken home at the last second. The cold knife still struck him. The hurt. The pain. He felt sick. He tried explaining it with his date, but it devolved into a mess that left the other man leaving in tears. So that night, Felix was left on the couch, chugging beers, not ready to sleep because he didn’t want to let his mind dwell on what he had just felt.

As he sat there, impulsively scrolling through Youtube, Felix suddenly thought he’d search to see if she ever made that channel she had casually mentioned. He didn’t know what she’d called it, or if she had ever followed through, but he looked for urbexing videos all night, sorting by numbers of views, view counts, or even ratings. And he’d always scroll to the bottom, trying to find the bottom of the barrel. Whoever was at the lowest. Of course, he didn’t find anything. But after watching so many videos, his Youtube algorithm was warped, and he’d constantly get recommendations from small creators with low views and few subscribers. And he decided to keep watching them, just to see. Just if she ever popped up. 

April 2021

Three months later, a video came across his feed. He glanced at it, not particularly interested; it looked like all the others. Worse even, there was almost no effort put into the thumbnail. But he happened to glance down at the channel name, and nearly dropped his phone in the toilet. No way… she wouldn’t. 

But she had. When he clicked on the video, her voice was unmistakable. He wondered for a moment if it was really fine for him to follow her, or if it would be creepy. But after a moment, he decided that if she’s posting them online, it should be fine. She doesn’t need to know it was him. Despite how much he used his account, there was no identifying information on it, and he never commented on videos. It should be okay, right? 

He looked through her videos and she was only on her fourth video. He binged them, and he savored this one sided connection. He missed her, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach back out to her. She had her whole life ahead of her. He was… well, him. And like she had said that night, hadn’t he broken her heart enough? He could never trust himself around her. That kiss had been good. Too good. It had felt both electric and soothing. There was no way he could be her friend and not cause the situation to explode. He was too old to be causing trouble like he used to.

But this, this was perfect. He felt like he could just enjoy this small part that she was sharing out to the world. She was obviously doing this for herself, not for him. He didn’t need to be a part of the equation. But he could hear her voice again, and he didn’t have to risk upsetting her or hurting her. He wouldn’t ever find himself anxiously thinking about a relationship that would likely never happen, or, even if it did, would only end in him ruining everything. He could just… hear that she was still doing okay. Listen to her enjoying her hobby. And both of them would be safe from himself. So he subscribed. And watched her videos. And kept to himself, where he belonged.

Present Day, August 2025

“Hey guys, um, Wildcard here! Today I’m geared up outside this mall. It’s… uh… a lot larger than what I’m used to, so I’m hoping I don’t like… run into too much trouble. You know, just a reminder, this stuff is like, super dangerous and you should be pretty careful if you try doing this yourself. I’ve come across a lot of weird situations and people, and like, sometimes they get a little dangerous and you need to know when it’s better to skip.” Felix grinned. She had this warning ever since her first video. He was pretty sure he was the first weird person she encountered, and possibly the reason for the warning. 

Now released from the confines of Tiktok, he was slowly becoming aware of his physical needs. He got up from the couch, phone still in hand, and walked over to finally get himself some water. He needed to take a shower, but drinking water would make him feel a little less disgusting. He wanted to finish this video before he finally showered and went to bed. 

“So, uh, I did a little research. This mall was built in like 1976 by…” Felix didn’t actually give a shit about the details, he just found her voice soothing. The videos were usually roughly cut. Sometimes there was text on screen, but usually it was just shaky footage of her walking around, wearing her GoPro. She never showed her face. Never gave out personal information. Just her and her ten subscribers. And she usually only got five to seven views per video. Nevertheless, like clockwork, she’d have a new video up once every two weeks. Usually only ten minutes long, sometimes twenty. She uploaded a two hour one once where she hadn’t cut anything, and he was pretty sure he had the only view on that video.

She encountered the usual dangers. Black mold. Broken Glass. She zoomed in on a hornet’s nest at one point, and that made him leave the phone on the kitchen counter and step away for a bit. But eventually he was back and she had found some cool little treasures. A journal some teenage store clerk had forgotten. A really cool bat skeleton. Some retro candy wrappers. The coolest one was a Kitkat candy bar that had a promotion for some old Godzilla movie. 

He had slowly kinda zoned out as the video was ending. He had gotten tired and decided to go to bed without a shower. That was starting to happen more and more often lately. He had left his phone on the nightstand, and was winking off, listening to her talk.

“Oh, and this looks like it was some sort of computer hardware store?” He was immediately wide awake, and was looking at the screen on his phone very, very carefully. His skin was crawling and there was a knot in his stomach. He watched carefully as she turned the corner into the store and… it was empty. Completely empty.

“Yep, just as I thought. There’s no way they would have left any stock here when the mall closed!” Christine’s voice was almost cheerful and oblivious. Felix rested his back on the wall behind his bed. His heart was pounding. He was sweating buckets. He felt nauseous. He closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down. The video ended soon afterwards, and Felix got out of bed, drenched in more sweat than what he’d produced during a twelve hour shift. He was going to need that shower after all.

Christine stretched. She had been working for a few hours now at her desk, reviewing emails, checking her due dates, reviewing some work she was planning on submitting later today. She was ahead of schedule for a Friday, and figured it was time for a coffee break. She got up from her desk chair, away from her partitioned work station, and walked the length of the room to reach the break room near the back of the department. 

Christine preferred to take her breaks when everyone else wasn’t. She wasn’t sure why, but her coworkers seemed to only come in one of two flavors. Excessively friendly and always ready to trust her with their life’s story at any available moment. Or extremely dismissive and disrespectful. Like she was incompetent because of her height. And maybe other factors outside her control. She had some suspicions, but no one said anything, so she tolerated the snippiness.

She just wanted her paycheck. The job was about numbers. Where did all this politics and posturing come from? She’d survived somehow for a year here, right out of college, but she could not have anticipated what the work place culture would actually be. She’d heard so much unsolicited gossip, and every work assignment was an affront to someone’s pride. She was exhausted. While most of the people here seemed very decent, there were a few people who made this job their life, and they always seemed to drag everyone else into stupid power struggles no one actually ever won. It was petty and frustrating, and weren’t we all adults? 

She successfully claimed the empty break room, pouring about half the newly brewed pot into her mug. There was plenty of creamer and sugar, and while she slowly mixed them in, she decided to just check how her video was doing. Like always, she had uploaded the file during the week and had scheduled it to release on Thursday night. When she glanced, oh, yep, there was Felix, with some generic comment as usual. She smiled to herself. There were only four people who commented on her videos with any sort of regularity. Her cousin from South Korea, two of her exes that she had met through urbexing, and Felix. 

She’d noticed pretty early on when he subscribed. While she had recognized the handful of people who had, jitl90 was not a username she was immediately familiar with. She decided to google the name, just to see what came up. Mostly just empty accounts with little to no information, but an instagram account with no photos suggested Ohio in the bio, and then an old deviantart account confirmed her suspicions.

There were a handful of uploads, all of them tattoo designs the account holder was hoping to get. There was a reference to some anime called Fairy Tail, a very cliché burning skull, and this Rick Sanchez image that Christine cringed when she saw. But the last picture solidified her suspicions. 

“yo this is some sick shit one of my lil bros drew. i was tellin him i wanted to get like a jackelope tatoo and he was lik e that gay shit was 4 hunters and drew this s hit in like an horu and like…….. ya k he was right” Of course, the tattoo in question was the horned vampire rabbit with batwings that Christine had seen on Felix’s shoulder.

She had already given up on Felix ever messaging her, even though she had impulsively named her channel Wildcard in hopes that he’d search her up. She was shocked that seemed to have actually worked. She thought about messaging him, but decided against it. She’d moved on from that silly crush a while back, and she had already given him her number. If he wouldn’t reach out first, she really didn’t want to initiate. So she lived her life, posting her videos for her, occasionally getting comments from her cousin.

Christine didn’t think about him until one morning, when she had woken up earlier than her girlfriend, but was too lazy to get out of bed, and happened to open up Youtube on her phone. She had gotten a notification that he had commented. The comment was so short, it fit in the little notification blurb. “Good video.” She snorted at the obvious cowardliness and then moved on with her day. 

But that wouldn’t be the last time he commented. He started commenting on every other video after a while. Never anything substantial, never anything identifying. Just minimal and surface level comments on the content of the videos. And that… was fine. She was glad to see some signs of life. She hoped he had figured out whatever it was that rattled his head. Life had diverged, and his comments weren’t too much different than one of her exes’ that would comment things of “glad you’re doing okay”, trying to reconnect for whatever reason.

She was busy trying to get through school, and she had her own interests. Yeah, she never really became a hardcore urbex’er or joined group expeditions. But she’d review her gear and update it. She liked to find variety, and as she kept marching on the life set ahead of her, she found herself relying more and more on the novelty of her expeditions every fortnight. Her parents had very specific expectations for her, and while she didn’t find it very hard to fulfill them, she did find that maintaining her grades left little time for socializing, and the little socializing that she did left her feeling lethargic.

Every conversation always went down the predictable lanes. Majors and jobs, superficial reviews on the latest blockbuster superhero films, people bragging about who they know or what their families’ do. Her life was perfect and also imprisoning. She felt bound in every direction. She never wanted to embarrass her folks. She never wanted to let down her peers. She tried to engage with everyone she met, but she felt discontent in a way that no one else seemed to really understand. Nothing was wrong, but everything was.

Her goals were all decided for her. Now it’s graduation and a college diploma, now it’s getting a job, now she’s pushing for a promotion, and in a couple years her family will want her to get married and have kids. She kept comparing her progress to her parents and felt like she was falling behind in a race she hadn’t even really wanted to compete in. 

She never really wanted to rebel against society or stick it to the man. She simply wanted to feel like her life was hers. That she wasn’t trapped in suburban mediocrity. So she held onto this little channel that nearly no one knew about. It felt like a little part of her life that was hers. She didn’t need the comments or the views or the “channel growth”. She enjoyed just having documentation for herself that she did something for her own self. So that every morning when she woke up for her commute, she had something to genuinely look forward to.

“Hey, Chris.” She snapped out of her daze. Oh, she was back at her desk. Huh. She must have walked back without even being conscious of it. She turned around and saw her coworker Morgan. She and ve had hooked up once in college after drinks, but the two of them hadn’t stayed in touch until they both got hired by the accounting department for Mariano’s Groceries in Chicago. It had been very wild to see Morgan again. While Christine had never really been romantically involved with vir, the two had a much more naturally casual relationship than Christine shared with anyone else in the office.

“Morgan, heyyy, sorry. I don’t think I got enough sleep last night. What’s up?” Christine felt embarrassed for getting caught daydreaming at work. It felt like it was happening more and more frequently these days.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about. Can I sit down with you?” Morgan nodded to an empty chair nearby that ve could bring over to the partitioned desk. The desk almost offered the privacy of a cubicle. Which is to say, not very much, but if two people were to talk quietly, they could make do for a few minutes.

“Oh! Oh, yeah, sure, of course!” Christine kinda scooted her chair over just a bit, so Morgan could slide vis chair over, occupying some of the small privacy they could share.

As Morgan sat down, Christine appreciated her coworker and former flame. Ve were fair-skinned and had blue hair with black roots. Vis hair covered vis eyes in a bit of a bowl cut, and vis eyes sparkled underneath like emeralds. Ve were really slim, and vis dress shirt hung loosely on vis frame.

“Look, Chris, you’re still doing that urbex’ing, right?” Morgan was looking carefully from behind vis hair, and Christine felt a twinge of hope.

“Oh! Oh, did you finally decide you’d be interested in joining me? I’ve always wanted to take someone else on-” Christine was interrupted with a finger to her lips. She pursed her lips defensively.

“Christine, that’s not what I was going to say.” Morgan dropped their finger, and sighed. Christine felt let down. Disappointed. Again. She really had thought Morgan came around, but she should have known better.

“Look, you’re always pouring your time into these… little adventures, but like, I can’t watch you keep doing this. I don’t know how much you’ve noticed this, but I see you pushing people away more often. You seem to be isolating yourself. When was the last time you hung out with people? Like, just for fun?”

Christine shrank. Oh. This was worse. This was confrontational. She felt like she was facing some sort of mini-intervention. “Mor-mor, I don’t see why that matters. Isn’t it normal to have hobbies?”

Morgan grabbed Christine’s wrists, but then let go as ve saw Christine wince. “I’m sorry, I forget you hate being touched. I just really want you to listen to me.”

Christine rubbed her own wrists subconsciously, unsettled. This was part of the reason why she and Morgan never really got together. Despite how much ve meant well, ve had always been bad with her boundaries. Ve seemed to have had any sense of personal space between them completely obliterated after they had slept together once, and Christine was constantly struggling to reinforce boundaries again.

Morgan continued. “Look, it’s normal to have hobbies. It’s not normal to isolate in them. It’s not normal to constantly break the law. I’m really worried you’re going to get yourself arrested for trespassing these days. Or get really hurt, and no one knows where you are. Or get like… kidnapped.” 

Christine grimaced. These were things she had worried about too, once upon a time, but she had put thoughts into how she’d handle these. She knew what she was signing up for. She was no longer the college student who played things by ear or threw chance to the winds. She had prepared reasonably for every likely misstep, and she was prepared to handle the consequences. 

Christine started to talk, but Morgan interrupted. “These adventures, I don’t see why you even go on them at all. Shouldn’t you have grown out of this? It’s tiring you out, and there’s so many risks…”

“Morgan, please.” Christine held a hand to her forehead. “I expected to hear this from my parents, but not from you. I’m not a child-”

“No, you’re not, which is why I’m talking to you as a concerned friend. I thought you used to care about what I think.”

“I do care about what you think. That doesn’t mean I’m just going to listen to whatever you say.” Christine finally snapped at Morgan, who flinched a little. Christine pinched her nose in exhaustion. “Look, Morgan, I know you’re worried, but you really are going too far.”

Morgan slumped pathetically. “You always say I’m going too far.” Christine’s mouth twisted in annoyance, which fell into gentleness, as she decided to find a solution for them.

“Look, Mor-mor, how about this? Why don’t we go see a movie on Sunday, hmmm? Then I can still go exploring tomorrow, but then you can help me hang outside of work and socialize a bit more normally. Would that be good?”

Morgan looked back like a small puppy, and Christine remembered why she had enjoyed their short informal stint in college. “I’d rather you didn’t go exploring at all, but I guess I can tolerate it if we can finally hang out again outside of work.”

Christine smiled gently, and held up her hand. Morgan wordlessly rubbed vis head into it. Christine petted vir head like she had when they were together. It was a soothing gesture for Morgan, and Christine did enjoy giving it, even if it was a little boundary blurring. But the two of them had always been like that. 

There was a sudden wolf-whistle, and they both turned to find another coworker, who was staring at them in amusement. This was immediately followed by the manager yelling, “John!” which immediately caused the coworker to face the manager’s office and they heard him saying “I wasn’t harassing anyone this time, honest!”

Morgan and Christine stifled a laugh, and Morgan hurriedly put away vis chair. The two of them got back to work.

Chapter Text

Christine was loaded and ready to go. She gave herself a once over, as she always did, just to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything.

• Headlamp? Check
• Pepper Spray? Check
• Cellphone? Check, of course
• Her headband GoPro? Check
• Thick leather gloves? Check
• Sturdy steel toe boots? Check
• Backpack filled with extras? Check
  • Med supplies? All presented and accounted for, including the trauma kit.
  • Bottles of water? She had plenty.
  • Snacks? Check. 
  • Respirator, in case of mold or asbestos? Check
  • Power brick? Check
  • Rope? Check
  • Duct tape? Check
  • Multitool? Check
  • Backup Flashlight? Check

Christine used to carry a pocketknife and a crowbar, but she had seen online that apparently that could get her into deeper trouble if she got arrested for trespassing. Even the multitool was pushing it, but she couldn’t bring herself to explore without it. 

And, of course, Christine was decked out in her urbex outfit. Her torn black jeans, her maroon turtleneck, her midriff navy blue softshell jacket. She knew she should wear a hard hat, but she found this really cute cat ear beanie that matched her jacket, and it made her happy. She probably wouldn’t run into anyone, but she liked feeling cute as she snuck in. It made her feel almost like a cat burglar (she always smirked when she remembered her pun), and you can’t put a price on feeling good. She was, of course, also wearing her contacts. She did not need to break her glasses while out exploring. Not again.

Christine had found a great place to park a few blocks away, where her car would be safe for the day, and walked in the early morning to her destination. Ah, there it was. She snapped a picture on her phone of the outside, so that she could edit it into the video later. It was a multi-floor office rental space. 

She walked up boldly to the glass door upfront, inlaid into the glass window wall. Although it cracked, the glass was thick and clearly shatter resistant. She slyly glanced around, and while one or two cars were passing, this was a mostly abandoned part of the city. Once built for foot traffic, but abandoned over time. No one was watching.

She glanced at the entry lock. Yep, she was lucky. This place had never had its lock changed. It was an old 70’s style cylindrical lock. Easy. She took out her multitool from her backpack pocket, and flipped to the lock-picking rake. She slid that into the lock and attempted to furiously rake the pins in the tumblers. But she oddly felt no resistance. She cautiously turned her multitool curiously, and the door unlocked without issue. Christine furrowed her brow. Wait, was this? She twisted the knob and the door opened easily. Wow, that’s… weird.

She grinned at her fortune. Okay, this might be really easy. But also, if it’s so easy to access, this place might be more trashed than she’d like. Still, she would just have to explore and see what lay within. That was the fun, right? She stepped in quickly, closing the door behind her, and found that she could still technically deadbolt the door from the inside. It seemed to be missing pins, so anyone could unlock it, but the appearance of it being locked might deter any unwanted company.

She glanced at the office directory for a moment, pulled out her phone, and snapped another picture. Nothing super interesting on here, but she wanted to move on asap. She was still technically exposed by the glass door, and would prefer to start her video further in. So after snapping her picture, she scurried up the stairs.

Two weeks in the future, September 2025

Felix got off his shift a little early, which was nice. The machine he’d been working on got jammed up, and the technicians were having a nightmare cleaning up all the molten polymer it had spewed all over the floor. Since the shift was over in thirty minutes, the manager asked him if he just wanted the Unpaid Time Off, and Felix accepted immediately. It didn’t matter if his next paycheck was a little short. He mostly just spent it on rent and eating out. He had enough money set aside for emergencies, but that was about it. He had very few bills, and that was how he liked it.

So, as soon as he was settled at home, he decided to look for Wildcard’s latest video. He happily navigated over to her Youtube channel and looked, but in a second he was frowning. She’d missed an upload. It had been about a year and a half since she missed an upload.

His mind immediately went into the worst case scenarios. Had she gotten in a car accident? Was she diagnosed with cancer? Had she put on a headset? No, no, no. He banished the thoughts. She was probably tired.

And the headset fear. He needed to get over it. They had destroyed them all. He saw to it himself. If there was any other facility with those cursed headsets, he was sure they were under lock and key, and definitely not located in Chicago. That wouldn’t make any sense. Weren’t government experiments usually spread out across the country? This office had probably just gotten overlooked in paperwork, and what had happened to him was a freak coincidence that wouldn’t happen to anyone else. He had made sure of it. 

Felix calmed himself, and figured the video would probably come out this weekend. That sucked, but he could wait. He got up and walked over to his bed. He plugged his phone into the charger on his nightstand, and, after a moment, opened up the nightstand drawer. 

There wasn’t a lot inside. Mostly just meds. A few expired condoms. And one old notebook page he couldn’t bring himself to throw away. Felix’s eyes calmed for a moment, before he picked up his sleeping pills, took two pills even though he was only supposed to take one, and then laid down to sleep. Back to dreamland, where nothing could touch him.
 

Present Day, August 2025

Christine reviewed the business directory. Hmmm, okay. There weren’t any businesses on the ground floor. That was a little odd. Maybe there were some back rooms just for maintenance that she could find down there.

Up here on the second floor, there were mostly a few legal offices and medical specialists. She doubted she’d find anything very interesting. These places were usually very thorough when it came to exiting the premises. Although when they did leave something behind, it was always a little hilarious. She once found a set of sticky notes in an abandoned lawyer’s office that got left behind underneath some desk. It was clearly notes about how much he hated his clients. She wasn’t surprised he seemed to have gone under, when she was looking him up.

On the top floor, the offices seemed to be split between some nonprofit charity for gay marriage, and a t-shirt printing company. She might find some funny signs of life up there, or maybe some neat abandoned printing equipment? Non-profits tended to have quirky people working there, and anything even vaguely artistic always had the most interesting bathroom graffiti. She felt like these offices were gonna be a hit.

Oh, and there was one more set of offices in the basement. Some company she wasn’t sure she’d heard of before. And yet, the name rung some long forgotten bell in her mind. She wasn’t sure what they made or what they did. 

Well, she decided it was time to properly start her video. She’d start here on the second and third floor, and then, for the end, she’d risk running downstairs to check out that last office space. Hopefully no one peered into these offices at the wrong time and spotted her.

She turned on her GoPro, waited a moment to make sure it was rolling and wouldn’t cut off her intro, and then started off her spiel. “Hey guys, it’s Wildcard! I, uh, I usually try to start these videos outside, but this location didn’t have a large parking lot surrounding it, and it’s just a little busier than my normal locations, so I just decided to get inside first and start in here. Err, again, what I’m doing is super dangerous and you really should be careful if you try doing this yourself. I’ve come across a lot of weird situations and people, and sometimes it gets a little dangerous and you need to know when it’s better to skip.”

She had that last part down pat. She always winged her intros, but she had said the last part so many times, she kinda had it locked down verbatim.

“So, like, I’m in a multi-office complex today. You know, one of those buildings that rents out offices to multiple businesses? I found this place posted in an urbexing location list online, and I figured I’d check it out. Obviously, people have been here before me, but we’ll see if the whole place has been raided, or if there’s any secrets here still worth finding.”

“I did do a quick search for the owner of this place. I guess it got bought up by some realtor back in the 80’s and it was her first investment in like… office infrastructure? I guess she ran it for a while, but eventually it went bust at some point. From what I could put together, she tried doing this a few times, but it never went right. I mean…” Dammit, she was rambling. She might need to cut some of this out.

“Anyways, the second floor used to have some lawyers and medical specialists. I don’t think we’re going to find much, but you never know. I think the third floor is going to be more exciting. And then there’s the basement, just to wrap things up. I’m not really sure what we’ll find there, but who knows. Might be something life-changing!” She giggles at her dramatic irony. She knew it was likely nothing of real interest at all.
 

Four weeks in the future, September 2025

Felix was crashing out. That was the second upload she’s missed. Maybe she was just done with her hobby? Maybe she was dead? He kept pacing his flat. He needed to calm down. It didn’t matter. It didn’t concern him. He just needed to move on at this point. Why was he so hung up on her? He didn’t need her.

He turned on his heel and marched directly out to the balcony. He lit a cigarette and took a deep inhale. It was okay. This was fine. He wasn’t going to be creepy about this. Life just moves on. Life just… He felt a tear roll down his cheek. Dammit, no, no. Fuck this. Fuck this. He took another deep drag from his cigarette. He was FINE, dammit. 

He kept puffing on his cigarette, desperately trying to keep himself from spiraling. This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t feel anything about a girl he kissed five years ago and hadn’t talked to since. He didn’t have that right. She didn’t matter to him. He was over it. He just got a little parasocial, that’s all. He could find some other youtuber or vtuber to take up his time, if he really needed this. But he certainly didn’t. 

His cigarette was finished. Nothing left but the small cherry on the end of the butt. He looked at it, rolled up his sleeve, and jammed it onto his left shoulder without letting himself think too hard. AH, FUCK, yes, that was what he needed. So alive. He felt so much survival instinct flood his brain and it really made him feel present and grounded. He pressed the cigarette down harder, making sure he got every bit of heat from that ember, before finally tossing it in the ash tray.

He glanced down to assess the damage. Like usual, the skin looked normal immediately after being burnt, maybe a little red. It was covered in ash, so it wasn’t super visible. He knew in a few minutes, the skin would become visibly saggy, and then a while later the skin would fill with pus, and pop with the slightest provocation.

He’d have to make sure he slapped on a band-aid. The pleasure was in the burning, not in getting an infection. He smiled at his scar-riddled shoulder. This really was an effective way to get his mind off things. He headed back inside to dress his wound and to get some shut eye.
 

Present Day, August 2025

Christine had run through the second and third floors. On the second floor had been some pretty poorly done graffiti and an unsettling amount of syringes. There was some 4chan memes, lots of anime waifus, a few swastikas, and a bunch of Pepe faces. The whole place made her feel uncomfortable. And also frustrated. She was either gonna have to censor a lot of this footage, or else just cut it. 

She found a door that was still locked, but upon raking it open, there was only a pristine empty room waiting for her. When she went to the stairwell, there was a large sign that said “Fag Floor” with an arrow pointing to the stairs. She was afraid what she might find, but she pushed on.

Upon heading up to the third floor, Christine was welcomed to the sight of a bunch of flowers on the hallway walls, each with different pride flag colors. She was surprised to see it had clearly been left alone by whichever groups had decorated the second floor.

Well, mostly. There was a large telltale graffiti that clearly replaced some sort of swastika. She’d seen the how-to image floating online, so she was very familiar. “Love Wins”. Next to it, there was a large 2015 that looked like it might have been the work of multiple artists. It had been decorated with a lot of pink triangles and rainbow flags.

She had smiled when she saw that. It was always weird to her to think that gay marriage was even illegal during her lifetime. It felt like such a no-brainer that it should be a fact of every day life.

The t-shirt office had been really sweet. It seems this place had been more of an urbex hotspot than she realized. There was a whole “Take a tee, leave a tee” basket for urbexers. She’d never seen anything like it and it made her smile. The bathroom was just as cool as she had envisioned. There was some really cool 70’s ones referencing politicians and pop culture she knew nothing about. But urbexers had added on throughout the years. Plenty of people had put up relationship graffiti, poetry of various quality, and lots of affirmations.

The stalls seemed to have been transformed into weird altars. One claimed to be the altar of dick, and the other claimed to be the altar of pussy. There was a third altar called the altar of cake, and it was filled with asexual imagery. Christine had laughed at that.

A fourth altar was called the altar of shit, and it seemed like that was the toilet that was the most used. There were actually some cleaning supplies left in here, and a couple of closed buckets of water. She guessed this place was once, or maybe still was, an active club room. On the wall, she saw some small script, and bent over to read.

“Those who write upon the walls/roll their shit into little balls./Those who read these words of wit/eat them little balls of shit.” She snickered at that.

But now, Christine was about to head down into the basement. Seeing so much activity upstairs made her feel so much better about going down. Clearly it wasn’t going to be the biggest deal if she was seen. Still, it was lunch time and the streets were probably at their busiest, and she really did want to minimize the risk. So she sprinted down past the first floor foyer, and down the stairs to the basement as fast as she could. 

The red double doors that seemed to lead into the large office space on this floor had a large pink X over it. There was a heavy chain around the handles and held together with a very thick padlock around it, but someone had taken a chain breaker and snapped the chain off, so it hung ineffectively in place. There was red and white stripe graffiti on the wall, but if she looked closely, she thought she could make out words in pink text and black text that had been ineffectively covered up. Under one white stripe which was applied too thinly, she clearly read the words “KEEP OUT”

It was all very strange, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. So she decided to just press onward, babbling away about the strangeness of everything for her Youtube audience, pretending away her nerves. She opened up the door, and the first thing she noticed was a huge receptionist desk. Across it, there were monitors and papers strewn, and the room looked strangely clean?

This didn’t feel like she was looking through an abandoned space. Christine felt like she was coming into an actively used office after hours. She glanced around and there was no sign of graffiti or dilapidation. She would liken the feeling as akin to stumbling into the backrooms, except this place was better taken care of than the backrooms. 

She shuddered, a chill running down her spine at the ominous of it all. And yet, her brain was flooded with adrenaline. And she looked upwards towards the rather high ceiling of the reception room, which was clearly stretched into the ground floor. Behind the reception desk was an ominous concrete wall. And on it was the logo of the company that had this office. C&A.

Six weeks in the future, October 2025

 Okay, he couldn’t take this anymore. This wasn’t working. Felix had five fresh unhealed cigarette burns in his shoulder, and still couldn’t let go of his worrying. He needed to do something. So he caved. He commented on her last video, the one about the mall. He could leave something simple right? Just a concerned viewer, nothing out of the ordinary.

“Hey, just wanted to make sure you were alright; I noticed you haven’t uploaded a video in a while now. Wanted to make sure you hadn’t died or something, lol.”

Yeah, okay, that could work. Felix hit the send button before he could let himself dwell on it for too long. He went over to the fridge, and pulled out a six pack of beer. Yeah, he had stopped drinking, but it was fine if he just drank beer at home right? Take the edge off. 

He brought the six-pack and placed it roughly on his nightstand. He opened up the nightstand drawer once more, and popped two sleeping pills, washing it down with a can of beer. He had been upping the dose, even though it was against his prescription. But there had been plenty of nights in the past where he hadn’t needed them, so he had extra. He’d be fine.

As he went to put the pill bottle back in the drawer, he saw the notebook page again. He sighed and pulled it out. He examined it carefully, as it was piece of art, and not something that had been scribbled out in thirty seconds flat. He was gripping the page in between his finger and thumb and squeezed harder, as he toyed with the thought of throwing it away. 

But he then remembered what Christine had said about the wooden bat that night. This was basically the same thing, right? He didn’t need to destroy it. It only removed options; it didn’t add options. He wanted to let go of the past so badly. But if he did, what would he have left? 

Felix placed the notebook page back into the drawer and sat down on his bed. He moved to a reclining position, propping his back up against the wall behind him, and drank a few more beers before he was finally too tired to stay up anymore. He laid down and escaped his thoughts.

Present Day, August 2025

Christine was having trouble figuring out what this place did, or what their purpose was. The papers scattered around felt vague or spoke in jargon she didn’t understand. She got the sense this was a tech company of some kind, but at first she couldn’t really figure out much more than that.

She was leaving one of the offices that seemed to be for briefing clients. She had finally gleamed a little bit more about the nature of this company. It seemed to be some sort of medical tech? The papers in there spoke of medical evaluation at the very least. She had made sure to record everything she found carefully, so that she could try to piece together their meaning back home. 

As she turned the corner, she saw an elevator at the back of the offices. She was confused. The light on the elevator was lit dimly, but there was a ceiling light above it that was on. None of the other ceiling lights were on. 

Of course she was suspicious. Of course she felt the danger. But she also was too curious not to push aside her misgivings. This place wasn’t normal. And without any overt signs of life, she wanted to keep digging.

She walked over and noticed that there a keyhole for this elevator, but it had some ancient duct tape plastered over it. She looked to the elevator, and pressed the call button numbly. This was such a bad idea. It shouldn’t work. 

The elevator door opened its beige maw, and revealed a small elevator room, carpeted in thin blue carpet, lined with faux wooden panels. This looked so 1970’s, and yet was somehow in pristine condition. She stood, paused. And then decided she’d go for it, but she needed to give a disclaimer for her video.

“Okay, folks, so just to be clear, this is a really bad idea. I know this elevator could break in like a million ways. And to be clear, this whole place is extremely sketchy, like it’s being used by a criminal organization or something. But I haven’t seen anything explicitly terrifying, and I think I’m gonna take the jump. Guys, even if this works out, please don’t follow my example. I’m really taking a risk here.”

She felt apprehensive. As she spoke, she almost talked herself out of it. But the thought that she’d be wondering about this place all this week and next compelled her to go. Especially since she was going out with Morgan tomorrow, and couldn’t do a second expedition this weekend. If she wanted answers, and didn’t want to wait another fortnight, she should just go now. So she did.

She got in the elevator and looked at the panel. There were literally only two buttons, up and down. The down button was lit, so she pressed the up button. The doors slid smoothly. Uncomfortably smoothly. And she felt the elevator rise. 

“Oh god, what have I done?” Christine could not believe she’d done something so foolish. She squeezed her eyes closed, and waited to hear a doomed scraping or some other noise that might indicate catastrophic failure. Instead, she heard a soft *ding*; she opened her eyes cautiously.

Oh, well, of course. This must be the first floor. The elevator had opened to what appeared to be another office space. This looked completely modern and it kinda spooked Christine. This definitely didn’t feel like she was in a building abandoned in the 70’s anymore. The office had dark grey carpet, the walls were painted with an off-white, and there was a light grey dado rail along the length of the wall, separating a dado that was nearly identical in color. There was a second, much smaller reception desk than the one downstairs, but it was topped with some sort of granite or black marble, maybe? She wasn’t really sure. It wasn’t like she knew her counter tops. But why another reception desk? Was this some sort of executive suite?

She stepped out of the elevator carefully, noting the very nice wooden base of the desk, and she glanced around behind her. There were two lamps on the wall, flanking the elevator. Above the elevator were up and down arrows, indicating the elevator could go up another level. Um, strange. She hadn’t remembered seeing any other elevator doors or elevator shafts on the other floors. In the corner was one of those fabric-y plastic plants.

Looking around, she saw C&A painted in black on the walls. There looked like there were a few offices, but not nearly as many as the other floors had. She figured this floor must already be compromised with the foyer up front, and that huge entry wall in the basement reception area.

She scurried around for a little bit, going through wooden doors with white frames. Most of the loose pages she found around here seemed frustratingly blank. She found herself back at the elevator in no time. She felt frustrated at the lack of information, but she guess she had only one more lead to go. Without a second thought, she entered the elevator and hit the up button. The elevator began to ascend.

She had long stopped talking with her Youtube video. Despite her frustration, this place was beyond interesting. She was so absorbed in her hunt for clues that she simply wasn’t documenting her thoughts. She sighed. She’d probably have to do some sort of voice over at this point. She hated doing those. They took so much time, and she already knew practically no one watched her videos. Did it even matter at this point?

She had been lost in her thoughts and hadn’t realized how odd it was that the elevator had risen all this time, but the sound of the elevator *ding* brought her back and with it those questions. She stepped out into a familiar office layout, resembling the layout of the ground floor. She felt weird. Where was she? She… there was no way she could be on the second or third floor.

She noticed some sunlight from this more open office modern design, and walked over to find a window. She looked out, and was surprised to find that she was on the fourth floor, apparently. She didn’t realize there was a fourth floor to this place. Oh, this was trippy. 

She took a deep breath and then realized she could faintly hear… was that circus music? It sounded like it was coming off a computer speaker. She followed the music instinctively, curious. Did a computer get left on? She was thrilled and terrified by this mystery revealing itself before her.

She pushed through red doors that were left ajar, walking through a storage closet, a hallway, and eventually, she walked into a large, strangely shaped office room. The music was getting louder and louder, and she thought she could make out a little electric voice singing. 

“Gangle and Zooble and Kinger, too./Ragatha, Jax, and there’s Kaufmo, woohoo”

She approached the computer playing the music, and it was just on and running. There was a title screen which had green rolling hills, and the title “The Amazing Digital Circus” in colorful letters. There was some flashing text on the bottom of the screen, and Christine sat down in the computer chair to read it. 

“Please put on headset.” Wait, was this VR? She didn’t think there was VR in the 70’s. Well, she supposed she had no idea if this place actually was abandoned in the 70’s anymore. It certainly didn’t look like it all the way up here. She glanced over and saw the thick beige VR headset, and it looked familiar. Hadn’t she seen these somewhere before? Maybe… maybe she saw them in a wikipedia article or something.

She tried putting the headset on, but she was struggling to make them fit properly. She took off her GoPro and headlamp after some fiddling with the straps, realizing she needed those off if she wanted to put this on properly. She set the GoPro on the desk, facing herself, deciding she’ll just blur her face out later. She was already going to have a lot of work to do on this next video. She slipped her beanie off as well, just for good measure.

Finally, with nothing obstructing access to her cranium, she slid on the headset, which showed the same opening screen, and three options. Play, Options, and Exit. 

Err, she wasn’t completely sure what she was supposed to do. She clumsily reached out and patted around until she found the computer mouse. Oh, good, she could control the game with the mouse. Well, that was weird. Why was the VR headset so important to this children’s game. Well, she knew one way to find out. She clicked Play.

Six weeks in the future, October 2025

Felix woke up on a Friday evening, still groggy from technically overdosing on his sleep medication. And the fact that he took it with beer. Yeah, he technically wasn’t supposed to be drinking alcohol with that. He slowly got up, cracked his back, and then walked over to use the restroom. 

After finishing his business and washing his hands, he walked over and slumped onto his bed. He picked up his phone, and, with no real expectations, he turned it on. Oh. Oh wait. He had gotten a reply to his comment on Youtube. 

Felix was instantly alert and ready. He threw himself on the bed, lying on his stomach, elbows over a pillow. He was locked in. He opened the Youtube app and the reply filled him with such a cocktail of emotions.

“Hey Felix, yes, I am alright. I have not died. I have just been a little tired and out of it lately. I need to finish editing that last video, but it keeps taking too much energy. Maybe I will just upload it and get some sleep.”

Of course she knew it was him. Fuck. He’d underestimated her again. His embarrassment was through the roof. But there was also a ton of relief. She clearly wasn’t upset that he was following her. And she still remembered him. He felt giddy about that. 

This biggest emotion though, was the sense of relief that he had been right. She was fine. He had simply been over thinking it. And yet, there was the smallest bit of foreboding. He couldn’t help but remember a time in his life where he too was “tired” and “out of it”. When he tried to downplay certain feelings during a certain time in his life, before extremely dire consequences began to spiral out of his control. She was so vague and it scared him a little bit. But no, he had been overthinking when he was afraid she had died, so he was definitely overthinking it by thinking what had happened to him would have happened to her. He’d just wait for her upload, which, oh. It looked like she had already uploaded it. Let’s see where she’s been.
 

Present Day, August 2025

The head strap tightened, and she felt some sort of lock click. The music got louder. The title screen zoomed outwards further and further, and was quickly being swallowed up by these strange white squares. What was happening? 

She suddenly remembered that night with Felix a little more clearly. Didn’t he say he had a headset he put on and it- Before she could finish that thought, the squares started spinning and winking in and out, and suddenly. Fuck. Ouch. She felt pain. She heard a male announcer through the computer speakers.

“Please, don’t wince and don’t move or blink during this process. Misalignment of the laser can and will cause serious optical and brain injury.”

The red laser shined in her left eye, practically scalding. She was scared. She was afraid. She didn’t know what the fucking shit was going on. She tried her hardest not to move but it hurt so bad. The white squares danced around and around and she wanted to cry.

“Please, do not cry. The tears can and will misalign the laser. Misalignment of the laser can and will cause serious optical and brain injury.” God damn it, she hated this fucking show runner announcer voice. He was loud and controlling, and she was almost certain she was gonna die here. Morgan was right. This whole thing was a death trap. She should have given it up before… Before…

She wasn’t sure when, but she found herself floating among the white cubes. Like… it felt so much more realistic. Did the resolution change at some point? She didn’t feel a laser anymore. She turned her head, and just stared out into the white nothingness. This was different. She glanced down to see what her avatar looked like. Oh. Um. It was this black, shapeless, glitchy thing. Was it supposed to look like that? She almost thought she looked like a heartless from Kingdom Hearts, but there were eyes. Weird, colorful strange eyes starting back at her. This was weird. Freaky. 

She heard the male announcer behind her. “Now, now, don’t move. You shouldn’t be awake for this part. Fortunately I should be able to erase these memories when I complete your identity reset. Give me just a mome-”

Christine came to. She could not see. She felt upwards and realized she was wearing a headset. She took it off, and winced in pain and nausea. She was unable to keep her head balanced. She lolled her head back on the chair, and dropped the headset to the floor. She felt the room spinning. She closed her eyes. There was silence. She rested for several minutes. She did not think of anything. She opened her eyes. She could raise her head. She did not feel as if the room was spinning.

She attempted to stand up. Her right leg could move. Her left leg felt as if it had fallen asleep. She sat back in the chair. She took a few minutes trying to move her right leg and her right hand, which also felt like it had fallen asleep. While she waited to unstiffen the left side of her body, she looked outside. It was night time. The time was different than she expected. She finally felt able to hobble onto her feet. She needed to go home. 

She pulled out her phone. She wanted more information. She saw the time was 9:57 pm on August 23rd, 2025. It seemed approximately eight hours since she had put on the headset had passed. She seemed to be functioning at acceptable levels. She should go get some sleep. Anything that felt wrong was likely just a lack of sleep. She put her phone back into her pocket. She slid her GoPro and her headlamp into her backpack. She put on her backpack. She hobbled out of the room. She went home and got some sleep. Everything was fine. She was okay.

Evening of October 3rd, 2025

“Wow” Felix thought. The video was super long. He was really impressed. He was surprised she had started the video inside. Typically, when she did that, which wasn’t often, she’d include pictures she took on her way in. Maybe she just hadn’t had any time.

Oh, cool. She really hadn’t edited this down at all. She was just showing swastikas and anime titties like it was no big deal. She didn’t even shy away from the used syringes. This was kinda really cool. She always had shied away from showing any of this stuff. She’d either blur it out or cut away completely. She must have been really tired to be okay uploading this.

She went upwards to third floor. Damn, it was like a completely different world up here. She was talking vaguely, and he felt it calming. Like an itch he really needed scratched. When she entered the bathroom, he paused the video and tried to read all the graffiti. 

• Elvis lives
• Black lives matter
• PennyxJack 4ever
• Nicky Rivers was here
• Suck my pokeballs

Pfft, this was all pretty low quality. He had hoped to see more drawings. She proceeded to show off the different altars, and he realized that’s where all the pictures were. Again, she was showing off way more explicit content than she ever had. He couldn’t believe she had presumably sat on this for six weeks and only now released it completely uncensored. So weird.

When she showed off the altar of shit, he paused the video when she leaned into get a good look at the poem. Ha, he’d seen that one at a gas station a few miles from here. This wasn’t original. That was probably written in hundreds of bathroom across the country. Still, it made him snort despite himself. He was just so relieved she was okay.

She looked at her phone, and that was really weird. It didn’t have any private information on the front screen. But it did show the date and time, and that was a huge risk. It proved when she had gone in here, and would make it really easy to be used in court against her. Like, it was extremely unlikely to happen but, it made him uneasy. This was not like her at all. This stopped being fun and novel. Something was off.

And then she ran downstairs. He saw the heavy lock, and he felt his stomach flip. And when she opened the door and saw the C&A sign, he had to pause. He ran to the bathroom and threw up. Multiple times.

Eventually, he walked back to his bed and clicked play. He needed to see this through. He knew. He already knew. But he needed to confirm the end of this video. 

He found himself watching her and he was livid. Livid that she was so stupid as to ride that elevator. Livid that he never properly opened up and warned her. Livid at C&A for hurting another person dear to him. 

He watched helplessly as she took the GoPro off, and showed her uncensored face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She put on the headset. The video continued on for a few minutes, and her shivers and clear signs of fear made his spine feel like it was being replaced with ice. Eventually, she went limp, and the video effectively ended there. There was another few hours of her lying limply, and then the video cut off. The GoPro had clearly ran out of juice. Felix mindlessly clicked through the end. He wasn’t going to watch all the hours of her just lying there. But he did stop at a few points, just to make sure nothing had changed. 

Alright. He already had made up his mind. He got out of bed. He would not make the same mistake as he did with Gabriel. She needed him. She needed him and he was going to go over there and make sure she was safe. It had only been a few weeks. She was almost certainly still nearly normal for now. He needed to convince her right now, while she had the most control of her mind. He had recognized the ringmaster’s voice on the computer. Felix snarled to himself, “I killed you once, Caine. I’ll do it again.”