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“Light isn’t very smart, is he?”
“What.” No one has said that before. No one has said that ever. It’s false, L knows that as well as Light. “What?”
“Yes, Light is stupid.”
He’s angry, for a moment. But the tension gives way to numbness and odd liberation. He’s never been dumb before. He’s never had the chance.
It’d feel good, wouldn’t it?
“Yes.” Light nods. “Yeah, I’m not the brightest.”
“How many inches are in 4.9 feet?”
Imperial system? “Um,” he starts doing the mental math 48 plus… but he doesn’t have to. Light shrugs. “I can’t do math.”
Wow. That felt good to say.
“Oh, interesting.” L nods. The chain hits the saucer as he swirls his spoon.
Light watches the cream whirl into the tea. “Why did you… why did you call me stupid?”
“Hm, was I your first?”
“The first person to call me stupid? Yes.”
“I figured. I thought you deserved a chance. You deserve a break.” L sips the tea, “you don’t have to prove anything to me. Intellectually, I mean. You still have to prove your innocence.”
“But- But of course I’m innocent.” He blinks those wide, round eyes, “I’m not smart enough to be Kira.”
L smiles. “Yes, Light. I bet you don’t even know pi.”
Of course he knows pi. It started rattling off in his head as soon as he heard it: Three point one four one five nine two- “It’s… it’s approximately three, right?”
“Approximately is a big word for you, Light. You’re still trying too hard. You don’t need to try at all.”
Light goes again. “Uhm, is it three?”
“Still trying too hard.”
Light blinks. “I know apple? And, uhm, pecan?”
L nods. “Good. C’mere.”
And Light listens, maybe because his brain is now coaxed into this comfortable path of least resistance. He takes the seat beside L in front of the desk in the darkened corner of their apartment.
“Is this some technique you have? To rest your mind? Pretending to be stupid?”
“Shh. No thinking.” L grips Light’s chin and tilts his head from side-to-side, appraising him. “You’re pretty.”
“Y-Yeah.”
“You’re just pretty. A pretty boy with no brains.”
“Ok…”
“Do you like this? Turning off your brain, ceasing all the calculations? It must be hard.” L’s thumb grazes Light’s bottom lip. “Harder than it seems.”
Every word Light says is drafted before it is spoken. He latches onto puzzles and solves them before he can stop it. It’s exhausting.
“I like not having to perform. It’s liberating. But… my head… it won’t stop going-” six five three five eight nine seven-
“I can make it stop. I can free you from your constant thoughts.”
“How?”
L releases Light’s jaw, returning his hand to cupped over his own knee. “It involves fucking you.”
Light laughs. “Is that the secret of the World’s Greatest Detective? Sex?”
“Yes, it grounds one in the physicality of the body and provides intense stimuli that overwhelms processing. Also, it surges the endocrine system with hormones that chemically influences the mind into a more simple and primal state.”
Light blinks. “Those words are…” he smiles, “too big for me.”
“Get into the bed.”
And Light listens because he wants nine three two three eight and all their friends to cease their unyielding quest for validation. There’s no one to impress- four six two six four three- there’s no one to impress.
His body is impressive enough. He can be clueless and dumb and still be loved.
L kisses his neck.
He can stop trying and still be loved.
His fingers hike up his shirt.
He can be wrong and still be loved.
L kisses his stomach.
He can fail and still be loved.
Now it’s presumptuous of Light to believe L’s lips against his skin means he loves him. But his touches are reverent and tender and more than an idiot would deserve. More than a failure would deserve.
So he melts against the sheets, the numbers leaving his mind with breathy gasps and teary eyes. Three… eight… three… two…
L is unzipping Light’s pants and Light feels the draft of a warning appear in his mind. Something L should know. But Light lets it dissipate. He’s done thinking.
Then L’s mouth is against his pussy and Light remembers he has one, and that’s probably the thing he had meant to say. And Light is embarrassed.
And then he is ecstatic.
He fucked up and it didn’t matter. L’s tongue is grinding up against his clit and seven nine five zero is becoming fuck fuck L! Fuck fuck!
That tongue that makes food look wrong is making Light feel right. The way he swipes up ice cream on his tongue is being used against his clit, like it was his Karate Kid training for this purpose all along. Maybe it was. Maybe L had always intended to be between Light’s legs, making him feel perfect and stupid.
Perfect and stupid. He can be perfect and stupid.
L’s lips are moving subtly, pressing against him. His tongue is moving, rapid and irrational.
Irrational…
“L! Are you- fuck- reciting pi into me?”
L has Light’s pubic hair caught on his tongue, he licks it off onto Light’s thigh, and Light realizes there’s no sin that’d make him unfuckable. The man already believes he’s a murder.
“Yes, but you shouldn’t be smart enough to figure that out. I need to do a better job.” He taps his lips, “have you used a vibrator before?”
He shakes his head.
“Hm.” L nods. He wanders off to the phone. “Watari? Could you bring… yes. Yes, I’m aware. No. Thank you.” He clicks it back onto the receiver.
“Did you really…?” Light starts, but his thoughts are a little too mushy.
“Yes. Don’t worry. He is used to it.”
Light chuckles, sprawling out across the sheets, cool against his skin. “Is this some hobby of yours? Fucking your suspects stupid?”
“Not necessarily." He crouches on the bed and reaches back between Light’s legs. He presses circles into Light’s clit, absent minded, looking elsewhere, as if Light’s cunt is a fidget toy on his desk.
Light squirms into it, the persistent pressure slowly melting his thoughts and eating away his discipline.
There’s a knock on the door.
“Oh.” L withdraws his hand, sticks it in his mouth, then wipes it off on his jeans. He answers the door.
Watari says something in a language Light does not know. French? L replies, exasperated. Or maybe that’s just what French sounds like. Watari hands him a plastic container, like one you’d keep leftovers in.
He pops it open. Inside is something pink, semi-opaque, and two pronged.
“This is a rabbit vibrator.” L says. “This part,” he taps the thicker and longer curve, “goes inside you. Then the rabbit’s other ear,” he taps it, “will stimulate your clit.”
He pitches the bottom and it starts buzzing between his fingers, shaking with an air of comedy. He starts bringing it towards Light’s heat like an imprecise dentist dealing with the wrong mouth.
It makes contact with Light’s clit, and his hips spasm.
“Hm. Sensitive. Maybe no direct contact yet.” He presses the tip of the toy into Light, “let’s try internal simulation.”
Light pulses around it, the vibration turning his insides into unset Jell-O. The harder he contracts, the more liquified he feels. He’s panting.
It thrums against a spot inside him that makes his stomach clench, it’s not the sharp attack of pleasure granted by his clit, but something deeper, almost meditative.
It’s like his whole body is buzzing. His mind, too. If you shake an egg fast enough, you can unboil it. Is that what’s happening to his brain?
Then L, who was bending the smaller ear away from his clit, lowers it to the side of it.
It’s an elusive sensation, the indirect pleasure causes his thighs and ass and abdomen to tighten, attempting to isolate the feeling. He holds his breath, and for a moment, all that exists is the wondrous motion between his legs.
Then L rests it right on his hood. His back arches off the bed in an odd, staggered movement as Light whines through his teeth.
He kicks out his legs and his stomach flips. It’s too much. He writhes away from the persistent buzz, but it keeps coming, L makes sure of it.
“Don’t fight it. Come undone.”
L is holding him in place, hands digging into the flesh of his sides and thighs.
Light makes a strained noise, rising from his throat and squeezed between tongue and teeth.
His hips jolt up and fall down, raising and lowering like a chaotic system devolving to entropy.
“Mmm!”
“Do you feel like you’re going to cum? You can cum.”
He’s shaking, even his breath is building to something. He-
He twitches and pulses around the toy in uncontrollable contractions. A sustained note of pleasure crashing into him, one after the other.
L turns off the toy and slides it out of him, coated in slick. Light falls limp against the bed, still twitching.
L crawls over him and unzips his pants.
“Can you tell me what pi is, Light?”
“Mmm…” his head is an empty, blissful hum, “tasty…”
“No, the digits of pi.”
“Digits?” Light flops his head to the side. “I wan em’ … in my mouth…”
“What about my dick? Do you want that in you too?”
Light nods fervently. “Yes!!”
Somewhere, in the back of all this softness, there is something sharp. It’s pricking Light with shame and judgement and fury. Light shakes out his head. He will shut it up. L’s cock will shut it up.
Because even if he is wrong, stupid, and Kira, L’s cock will be hard and hot and eager for him and that certainty allows him to keen against the bed and beg like a slut.
“Please fuck me!!”
And part of him expects L to say, “you don’t sound like yourself,” or “are you okay?” But he doesn’t and that’s wonderful. There is no Light Yagami. There are no expectations. He is one of billions of whores across time and space and there is nothing else he needs to be.
L is spreading his legs apart and getting between them. He wants to see L’s dick but craning his neck is too much effort. So he melts and allows L to enter him.
He is bigger than the toy. But Light is all elastic and soaked from his orgasm, so he can handle it.
He pushes in. L is inside him. And the head of his cock presses against something deep and perfect and oh… Light can feel words falling away from his vocabulary.
L starts moving. Slapping, sliding, and sex sounds become a chorus of white noise, cotton fluff to fill Light’s empty head.
Each time his hips thrust in fully, press into him, Light feels reborn. The gasps of pleasure swell his lungs with elation and this is all he could ever want.
Good… good… perfect… so good…
Light’s eyes are closed, completely lost to the sensation. His vocabulary is limited to expletives and praise like a vulgar rhythm game.
Good! Perfect! Fuck!
And time is slow and vicious, the sticky eternity of honey.
Light opens his eyes, he had them closed because he was selfish. He wanted the pleasure all to himself. But seeing L’s gaze, dark and glazed in the haze of sex, Light realizes he’d want L inside him even if he was stupid and wrong.
L looks stupid right now. So stupid. His face is doing stupid things. And Light doesn’t hate it. And L doesn’t hate him.
Their bodies probably look all stupid and wrong, tangled up and jerky.
Their voices are all awkward and uncouth.
But together, like this, there’s no one to disappoint. They are not the best or the greatest. This is no test of deduction or intellect.
They are just bodies finding warmth and pleasure in other bodies. It’s addicting and freeing.
Light does not know pi. He does not know math. He does not know a word over 4 syllables.
He only knows “fuck!” And moaning. He knows thrusting and feeling. He knows L inside him, pounding and needy.
“Mm.. ah.. Light.”
L’s voice is raw, unmeasured, and loose.
“Light… I’m… ah… you’re so good.”
Light is good. Light is doing nothing but laying here, greedy, and that alone is good. He doesn’t need to try to be good. He can just be good.
“I’m… Light, I’m…”
Light throws his arms over L’s shoulders, whining as L releases inside him.
He can feel L’s pulse, in the place they connect. Light wonders if L can feel his.
Light blinks up at him, still panting, “what now?”
“We take a nap, we’ll be smart again when we wake.” L buries his head in Light’s neck, “we’ll be stupid for now.”
“We know absolutely nothing.” Light nods.
“We’re so dumb.” L kisses Light’s shoulder.
L pulls out, then curls up beside him, making himself small. Light observes this L, the dumb creature. So different from the World’s Greatest Detective. Light admires this one too.
Light wraps his arms around L, pressing his forehead against his back.
“Do you… do you like me?” Light asks against his skin.
“Of course. I just fucked you.” L mumbles back. “No hard questions, please. I’m not smart.”
“You like me… even though…?”
“Have you considered that, when a person likes you, it’s usually because, and not despite of who you are?”
“I thought you weren’t smart right now.” Light shuffles closer against him.
L shrugs, “this is as dumb as I get.”
“But still. What if I’m Kira?”
“It… it would make me sad if you were Kira. I’d rather- I’d rather you not be Kira.”
“But then you’d be wrong.”
“Maybe it’s okay to be wrong.” L turns around, towards Light.
“Maybe,” L starts, “being wrong doesn’t matter. As long as you’re loved.”