Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The realization didn't come to Phainon like a strike of lightning, nor did it crash unto him like a raging wave. Instead, it fell slowly on him—like holding a blanket in its two ends, flapping the remaining ends up in the air, then he could only watch as it descended on him. Professor Anaxagoras might have been flirting with him four years ago. Read: might.

Probability stands at 20%, but that was enough to make Phainon sit up from his bed, head in hands. Groaning, maybe tearing up a bit over this missed fact. His mind drifted towards the professor—as it wont to do—that he'd been pining for when a sudden memory flashed before him, forcing Phainon to watch as he committed the biggest fumble ever in human history. He honestly awaits the Guinness' World of Records call.

What was it? Oh, just the love of his life's hand on Phainon's bicep as he compliments him—which was completely random in the context of what they both had initially been talking about—but what did Phainon decide to do? Compliment the gorgeous man back of course, stupidly. And he even had the gall to worry if he had said the wrong things when his professor responded with a defeated look. Oh, god.

The noise from his hand continuously hitting his forehead resounds around his quiet bedroom. It's too late to regret now, it has been four years since. After all, they haven't been much in contact, sans the occasional mail Phainon sends in pursuit of academic knowledge when he knows full well they're his last attempts of holding the strings of his sanity. But damn, does it hurt.

It's useless to tire himself over it so obviously, he calls Cyrene. Sweet Cyrene who answered immediately at the third ring. Phainon nearly cried.

"You okay?" Cyrene says groggily.

"Yeah," Phainon answers, "Sorry for bothering."

Cyrene hums. "It's fine. Why'd you call?"

"Alright. Remember Anaxa? The professor I was a TA for?" Phainon asks. When Cyrene hums affirmative, Phainon continues, "Well, I remembered a moment where he might've flirted with me but I had only realized it now, so."

Phainon only hears the sound of fabrics rustling through the statics of the phone. The momentary pause in the conversation only causes his mind to spiral uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry," Phainon says, "I told you it's stupid. I'm probably just overthinking —"

"No, it's not stupid!" Cyrene admonishes, "It's just—" a sigh, "It's 3:20 a.m., why are you still awake to have this moment of clarity to dawn on you?"

Phainon breathes out, "If you must know, I was already thinking about him so it's not something out of the blue. I know, it's pathetic, what's new? But, it's like an itch that I can't scratch. I thought I didn't have a chance with him and now, thinking back about it, I might have had, but what do I do now?"

Cyrene hums, "Alright, here's what you're gonna do."

"Okay," Phainon nods despite Cyrene not seeing him, "Shoot."

"You will stop thinking about it—"

"Out of the question. Next."

Cyrene sighs, "At least try, alright? Try not thinking about it. About him."

"Uh-huh." Phainon smacks his lips, "Then?"

"Then, you will go to sleep. Once you wake up, try contacting Anaxa about it. How does that sound?"

"Uh," Phainon drags. It's a good plan—it's great. It's just that, it would be great advice for anyone that's not Phainon. Phainon mourns the fact that his best friend has that much trust in him. Honestly, he can't blame her. He's a grown ass man, he should mourn more about the fact that he's losing sleep about his long-term crush and disturbing other people about it.

"That sounds great!" Phainon chirps, "I will proceed to do exactly what you said."

"Don't worry," Cyrene says, "I trust your instincts! If you think there's a chance, then there's definitely one!"

An angel. "Thank you, Cyrene. Really. I was near to blowing myself up five minutes ago."

Cyrene laughs, "You're so silly, Phainon. You should tell me how it went after!"

"Will do," Phainon affirms, "I'll let you go back to sleep now. I've disturbed you enough."

Cyrene yawns at the reminder. "You'll never be a bother! Just know, I'm giving all my luck to you! Good night!"

Phainon chuckles, "Thank you. Good night to you too."

Phainon ends the call with a lighter feeling, so of course, he does the exact opposite of what Cyrene had advised him to do. He lies back down and think about Anaxa.

He tried not to think about him. Well, not really. And it's with this no-attempt that urged him to grab another pillow to cover the scream he lets out. Maybe he'll try choking himself in the process— or never mind, Anaxa will be more unreachable if Phainon dies.

The sun will be coming up any time now and he's still thinking about his big, fat crush on a professor he worked with for only two years. Great. Cyrene rarely gets disappointed by people but maybe Phainon will take the cake for it this year.

phainon ⁠✷

@k.khaslana

having a crush is ruining my life but if you saw him you'd understand

09:12 • 15 Sep 2025

12 Reposts 3 Quotes 43 Likes

Most relevant replies ↓

caelus @gallacticballer

replying to @k.khaslana

— describe him to us brother

phainon ⁠✷ @k.khaslana

replying to @gallacticballer

— I don't want you imagining him

Chapter Text

Asking Mydei for help isn't a last resort thing, but it does feel like one.

Phainon rethinks about this decision as he's knocking against the wooden doors of Mydei's Michelin-starred restaurant. He checks his phone and, yup, the message he had sent to Mydei four hours ago saying that he's coming to visit is still there in their chat log and it was even read. The asshole is deliberately ignoring him. What a prick.

It's moments like this that makes Phainon wonder why he was even friends with him in the first place. The guy doesn't let him eat for free and sometimes deliberately prices Phainon's meal higher than the actual price, and he does it because he can, so he will. But then Phainon remembers their past—the shared experience of the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football and Phainon thinks maybe this is just how Mydei shows affection to those he likes. Or maybe he's just an asshole solely to his best friend.

The doors suddenly open in itself and in the middle, stands Mydei in his civvies but the fit is covered by the white apron he's wearing.

"This better be good," Mydei says before leaving Phainon with the door open.

Phainon rolls his eyes and follows the other inside, closing the door after him. He immediately beelines towards the kitchen where an enticing aroma drifts to his nose making him nearly float silly like a cartoon character. He hands Mydei the bottle of red wine he brought as he eyes the bubbling soup inside the pot.

"What's this?" Mydei raises the bottle.

"Aged for fifteen years, that one," Phainon answers, eyes still on the pot. "I want this," he says, while reaching for the ladle.

Mydei slaps his hand away, "Hands off, heathen. It's not even cooked yet."

Phainon sighs before leaning at the counter top, ignoring the stinky eye sent by the other.

"What are you doing here?" Mydei crosses his arms.

Phainon mimics the act, "Can't I visit a friend?"

Mydei snorts, "The bribe? Visiting on a Tuesday? What do you need?"

Phainon was about to open his mouth when Mydei cuts him off, "If this is about your pathetic crush on that hot professor—"

Phainon throws his hands in the air, "I can't fucking believe—"

"What's going on here?"

The two whip their heads towards the kitchen door where the voice of the sudden intruder came from.

"Cipher!" Phainon greets, encircling the other in his arms, "Help me! Mydei is bullying me again."

"When is he not?" Cipher answers, looking at Mydei.

"Ignore him." Phainon holds her shoulders, "I have a problem."

Cipher gently removes his arms away, "Okay babe, relax. What happened?"

Phainon breathes in and out before sitting back at the counter top, "It's about Anaxa."

"The professor?" Cipher sits beside him. When Phainon nods, Cipher makes a motion of taking a shot with her hand, which Mydei mimics.

"What?" Phainon bewilderingly looks at the two, "What's happening here? What just happened?"

"It's a game. Take a shot every time Phainon mentions his crush," Mydei answers. "It's fun. You should join sometime."

"I feel so loved," Phainon deadpans.

Cipher waves a hand, "Anyways, you were saying?"

"So, Anaxa—" Phainon says, before joining the other two in taking a shot, "I remembered an instance back then where he might've been flirting with me."

"In what way?" Cipher asks.

"Well," Phainon starts before holding Mydei's bicep, Mydei glares at him, "He held me like this once while complimenting me. Then—" Phainon strokes Mydei's bicep with his thumb, "—he did this, while staring at me!"

Mydei takes his arm away from Phainon's hold, "I feel violated."

"Am I overthinking this?" Phainon asks, "He's definitely flirting—or rather, he flirted with me, right? Right?!"

"Obviously!" Cipher squeals, "He was feeling you up! What are you still doing here, you dumbo?! Go get your man!"

Phainon sags at his part in the counter top, "I don't know. What if he doesn't like me anymore?"

"Phainon, have you seen yourself? You're like Clark Kent if he has white hair!"

"Yeah, but it's Superman that they like, not the reporter," Mydei pipes in.

"Dude," Cipher admonishes Mydei which the latter only responds with a shrug. She holds Phainon's hands, "Okay, listen. If I had feelings for you—"

"Unfortunately," Mydei inserts. Phainon glares.

"—I would definitely yearn for you,"Cipher continues, "Like, I would never ever get over you. You'd be that the-one-that-got-away type of shit. I would tell my children that you should've been their baby daddy. Right, 'Dei?"

"Not really," Mydei answers, his back on them as he goes back to the soup he'd been cooking.

Cipher ignores him, "My point is, even if he doesn't like you anymore, if you showed up and asked him out, he would definitely go on that date with you."

"She's right," Mydei affirms. The other two look at him as he hands a bowl of soup to each of them, "Only fools would fall for you. I'm sure Anaxa is one."

Phainon smiles at his bowl before it sinks in. He glares up at Mydei, "How dare you insult my professor?!"

Mydei looks at Cipher as he points at Phainon, "See! This is why I don't help him!"

"You know, I haven't actually seen this professor," Cipher says as she stirs the soup with a spoon, "Is he even that hot to go this crazy with?"

"Oh, he's hot," Mydei answers, "Gorgeous, even."

Phainon's jaw drops while Cipher's eyes twinkled, "Really?"

Mydei scrolls on his phone, "Yeah. Maybe I should snag him for myself."

Phainon puts his bowl down, "You would dare!"

"Uh-huh," Mydei puffs his chest, "They said the early bird gets—"

Cipher snatches Mydei's phone before Phainon lunges at the other man.

"Even comparing him to a worm!" Phainon rages, shaking Mydei by the latter's collar.

"Oh, wow," Cipher swoons at Mydei's phone before showing it to Phainon, "How the hell did you fumble this, dude?"

Phainon looks at Mydei's phone before glaring back at the owner, "You even have a photo saved! You traitor!"

"It's a photo you sent, you dumbass!"

"And you have it saved?!"

Mydei removes Phainon's hold, "If you keep on lagging behind, me and Cipher will steal him from you."

Cipher points at herself. "Me?"

"So, if you really want him, you should ask him out!"

"I will!" Phainon quips.

"Good," Mydei nods, "Now go!"

"Alright!" Phainon shouts back before walking out of the restaurant.

Cipher looks at Phainon's retreating figure, "What the hell just happened?"

Mydei shakes his head, "Only those who have experienced the epic highs and lows of high school football would know."

"The fuck?" Cipher mumbles to herself before going back to her soup.

Wednesday, 14:21

cipher

@phainon are u guys dating now?

me

no…

I haven't asked him out yet…

mydei

september 24, 9:04 a.m.

cipher

is that a fucking deadline LMAOOOO

me

IT'S A THREAT

HE'S THREATENING ME

Chapter Text

Phainon, in his grown age of twenty-nine, responding eagerly about Mydei's egging but only to back off at the last minute, is an experience that he willingly buries in the recesses of his mind, never to be unearthed again.

Rationality has never been his strongest suit, that he admits. If you tell him to jump, he'd ask high. If you confess to him you'd accidentally murdered someone, he'd tell you everybody makes mistakes. Tell him that his long-time crush actually may have reciprocated his pathetic feelings and he would tell you, straight up in the face, that you had gone crazy.

It's not for lack of self-confidence nor is Phainon selling himself short—he knows he's hot, handsome, words that get parroted by people like seagulls whenever he walks into a room. He also knows that his brain is in his head and not in his dick, hence why he could talk in whatever kind of conversation you throw him in.

But it's Anaxa he's talking about. Simple adjectives like gorgeous and smart wouldn't even scratch the surface of his being. The mere awareness of his existence blooms litanies in Phainon's mind, a devotee who thinks of him first thing in the morning and before sleep could take him. But even that isn't enough. Phainon continues to worship him by having the man occupy his mind every tick of time and hoping that his beauty would come haunting him too in his dreams.

It's horrifying. This devotion scares him and it's his own feelings that he's talking about. What more would Anaxa feel if he discovers this addiction that Phainon is harboring? He dreads it.

So, of course, Phainon backs out. If only his friends let him.

He should've known that his feelings would be the headliner when Castorice and Hyacine contacted him to meet up. Like obviously, how did the three of them even know each other? By sharing the same class years ago, supervised by—you guessed it—the professor Phainon had been pining for. Thereon, it wasn't really hard to connect the dots. But for Phainon, it was.

"I am telling you," Hyacine points a finger at him, "As your then fellow TA, who was subjected by the fumes of homoerotic tension you both were exuding, that you. Should just. Bone him."

"Hyacine—" Phainon hisses, "That slippery mouth of yours. Is it the alcohol? It must be the alcohol, right?" Phainon inquires to Castorice as he moves Hyacine's glass away.

Castorice only distractedly hums while her right hand is flying away on that notepad of hers, writing like she's running out of time. Should Phainon question why Castorice has a notepad out inside a club? He probably should, but Hyacine is still running her mouth off and Phainon is terrified of what she's saying in a public setting despite Flo Rida's Low breaking everyone's eardrums.

"You don't even know what I've been through," Hyacine sobs before a hiccup abrupt it, "I just wanted to finish my Masters but I have to be subjected to a gay, afternoon telenovela that will never end, everyday!"

Phainon's jaw drops, "You're exaggerating! I wasn't even flirting with him every time we're in his office. The majority of my time was spent inquiring about my thesis!"

"You flirted with him about the principle of sufficient reason for hours—"

"I debated," Phainon interjects, "It's an academic pursuit!"

"—and I didn't even know you could say Descartes' name in a very, homosexual way!"

"Interesting," Castorice pipes in, "In what way was it homosexual?"

"Why are you even asking this?" Phainon complains.

Castorice blinks, "Academic pursuit."

"Don't believe her. She's imagining things." Phainon snaps his fingers in front of Hyacine, "Wake up, Hyacine! It's the alcohol talking!"

Hyacine bats his hand away, "I know what I observed, Phainon!"

"Quine says that knowledge cannot be reduced to our sensory experiences." Phainon wags a finger at her, "Hence why your observation is disproved."

"To be fair," Castorice adds, eyes still on her notepad, "He also said in the same line, that knowledge is complex. That it's interwoven with each other in a way that what we believe may change whenever we learn something new."

"Exactly!" Hyacine exclaims.

Phainon scrunched his eyebrows,"Yes, he did. So—"

"So," Castorice turns her gaze at Phainon, "You may have thought that what you and Prof. Anaxa had was mere friendship, but what we thought and saw were two people who had feelings for each other. Why can't you believe that?"

Phainon remained on his seat, stunned, while Hyacine stood up and gave Castorice an applause.

"Well—" Phainon shakes his head, "Okay. Wow. I don't even know what to say to that."

"Because in some way, you already believe in it. You wouldn't be inquiring about Mydei's opinion about it if you weren't at least hoping," Castorice says.

"Mydei told you about what happened?" Phainon looks at Castorice, who shrugs in response, "That snitch."

"That's why you should confront Prof. about it." Hyacine shakes her head when Phainon was about to refute her, "It doesn't matter if he doesn't like you anymore—which I doubt—but it's the principle of the thing. A closure if you would."

Phainon raises his hands, "Alright, I will ask him about it."

Hyacine claps her hands together in a prayer stance, "God is real."

"I'm so proud of you," Castorice says with a small smile on her face, but was once again busy with her notepad.

"You could've looked at me while saying that," Phainon sighs, "What are you even writing? Minutes of the meeting?"

"It's ideas for her fiction about you and Prof. Anaxa," Hyacine hiccups, her hand occupied by the glass of alcohol Phainon took a while ago.

"Hyacine!" Castorice hisses.

"What?!" Phainon exclaims, before taking the glass away from Hyacine. "Is it real?!"

"Don't believe her," Castorice's chuckles are stunted, "She's imagining things."

"She even has Prof. Anaxa proofread it for her," Hyacine drones on.

"I wanna see," Phainon turns his inquiring eyes towards Castorice only to see the latter with closed eyes, "As one of the inspirations, I have the right to see!"

Castorice sighs, before fishing for her phone. Her hands busies away on the screen for a minute before she slowly hands it towards Phainon's way.

Phainon reaches out but Castorice takes her hand back at the same time.

"I didn't use your real names," Castorice clarifies.

"Okay," Phainon nods, "Now, let me see."

"And it might've been based on real events, but—!"

"Cas, it's okay. If Prof. Anaxa is fine with it, then so am I."

Castorice breathes out. "Alright," she says, before finally handing her phone.

Phainon's not mad, he's curious and wants to know just how Castorice sees him in his pining. It couldn't be that bad if Professor Anaxa could tolerate it, right?

Phainon's jaw slowly drops. My Professor can't possibly be this shy ??? Sixty-seven chapters with three-hundred thousand words written??? Peter and his Professor Alex???

Phainon scrolls and reads an excerpt;

"Yes. You are a student I take great pride in," said Professor Alex, crimson tainting his cheeks, "I've been considering this for some time."

"Professor..."

Phainon reads the next passage aloud, "Let me understand, your thoughts, your research, your everything?!"

Castorice covers her face and squeals on her palms, "I'm so sorry!"

"Anaxa reads this?!"

Hyacine sleepily nods, "He's very supportive. He even leaves comments."

Phainon gasps, "Comments?!"

r/confessions • 34 mins. ago

snowyyskyy

i just realized that my crush may have had feelings with me and i also discovered he's reading fiction about us

I (29, M) have been pining over a professor (33, M) of mine for, probably five years now. For context, I took my master's when I was 24 and that is where I met him. I applied as a TA not specifically for him but I was assigned to him probably because my thesis back then is close to what he's teaching.

anyway, long story short, our constant debates made me develop feelings hahaha and he's also gorgeous so I didn't really stand a chance. I've finished my Master's 4 years ago already and I've rarely contacted him nowadays but for the whole two years I've spent there, I was lowkey flirting with him but I didn't really expect it to result in anything since i know it's one sided.

or so I thought.

one random night, i remembered one interaction with him and just realized that he was flirting with me. FOR REAL. I've asked my friends about it and they all agreed and that got me thinking about all our interactions and, let's just say that I've been blind.

I regret it now, obviously. missed opportunities and whatnot. but i didn't want to just go randomly meet him and go "crazy thing happened! i realized you like/d me too!"

that's where the fiction thing happened.

i discovered that my friend had been writing fiction about me & the professor and some of the scenes were based on our real interactions and i was blinded by how… gay… we actually were… AND HE'S READING IT. THE VERY FICTION BASED OFF OF US. HE EVEN LEAVES COMMENTS AND IS UPDATED TO THE STORY.

WHAT DOES RHIS ALL MEAN SOMEONE HELP ME

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godoftrashtelle • 20 mins. ago

are u dumb

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bellethon • 15 mins. ago

title of your friend's work?

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lumine_ate • 5 mins. ago

what are you doing on reddit dot com instead of being beside the love of your life rn ????

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