Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“He’s a closed book, Buck,” Hen sighs. “It’s gonna take more than batting your eyelashes at him to get him talking.”

“I do not bat my -”

“She’s right,” Chimney chimes in with a commiserating pat on the shoulder. “You’ve got your work cut out for you with this one, Buckley.”

“Okay so help me,” Buck whines, eyes trained on Eddie wiping down the ladder truck downstairs.

“He’s just…cool,” Chimney shrugs. “Calm under pressure, professional, focused…”

“Not helpful, Chim,” Buck scoffs. He rests his elbows on the railing, watching as Eddie shines the bumper until Buck can almost see his own reflection from the loft. Chim’s right, though - he’s unphased by the raucous laughter coming from B-shift making their way in, stepping back to admire his own work. Buck can crack him - he can be charming beyond batting his eyelashes, thank you Hen. He’s just gotta workshop it a little.

“Stop staring at me, Buck,” Eddie calls out. He’s still facing the ambulance - how the hell did he even know?

“I’m not staring.”

“You’re staring,” Hen sing-songs. Traitor.

“Go home, children,” Bobby sighs. Buck takes the stairs two at a time, catching up to Eddie in the locker room.

“Hey,” Buck breathes. “Uh. You wanna grab a drink? Maybe get to know each other better? How much time do we actually have on shift to just…chat? Between calls and shit that needs to be done around the station there’s not a lot of time to get to know each other. To be able to trust each other.”

“You saying you don’t trust me, Buckley?” Eddie asks. He’s changing out of his uniform and Buck notices (not for the first time) that he’s annoyingly toned - ripped even. Buck wants to ask him about his workout routine, because god is he over counting calories and macros and measuring his fucking body fat.

“I don’t know you.” Buck aims for cool and calm in his response, but based on Eddie’s raised eyebrow as he buckles his belt he misses by a mile.

“Okay,” Eddie shrugs. “I can give you twenty minutes. And we’re going for coffee, not a drink. It’s seven in the morning.”

“Deal,” Buck grins. Eddie finishes getting changed and looks at Buck pointedly.

“Are you staying in your uniform or…”

“Give me two minutes,” Buck snorts. “That doesn’t count towards my twenty!”

“Ooh, that’s not really your choice though,” Eddie tells him. Buck unashamedly strips out of his uniform, risking a glance over his shoulder and catching Eddie’s eye. Eddie’s cheeks flush bright red and he looks away, and isn’t that interesting?

–

“So, you’ve been with us for two weeks now and I feel like I know nothing about you,” Buck starts. They’ve picked a cafe a couple of blocks from the station, sitting opposite each other tucked into the corner during the morning rush.

“It’s almost as if that’s on purpose,” Eddie retorts, but it’s playful. Buck watches him as he sips his coffee and grimaces, but is otherwise entirely unbothered by Buck’s staring.

“You gotta give me something.”

“Alright,” Eddie hums. “You can ask me twenty questions.”

“Only twenty questions?” Buck asks, exasperated. “Dude we have to ask each other questions all the time, I’m gonna run out like an hour into our next shift - wait, do I have to ask them all now?”

“Twenty personal questions that I promise to answer honestly, as long as you answer the same question - or a contextually similar one - honestly as well. And I reserve the right to decline to answer any two questions until a later date,” Eddie corrects, adding a frankly obscene amount of sugar to his coffee. “And no, you don’t have to ask any of them now if you want more time to come up with them. No time limit.”

“Okay,” Buck agrees easily. Twenty questions to crack Eddie Diaz - he can totally do this. “What is your proudest accomplishment?”

“My son,” Eddie answers casually and of-fucking-course this guy has a kid. Mr. Silver Star, beloved by all, stupidly ripped, is a dad. Once upon a time Buck may have been embarrassed by how much more attractive that made Eddie to him, but Buck 2.0 proudly owns his bisexuality thank you very much.

“Oh,” Buck breathes. “I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“I don’t broadcast it,” Eddie shrugs with a smile. “But he’s amazing and definitely the one thing I’m most proud of.”

“I love kids,” Buck tells him emphatically. Eddie pulls his phone out and shows Buck a photo of the cutest goddamn kid Buck has ever seen. “Super adorable.”

“I love this one.” Eddie's voice is warm, like Buck hasn't heard it before. He wants to bathe in it. "Your turn."

"Uh. Shit, okay. Didn't think that one through," Buck admits sheepishly. "Um. I guess still being at the 118? I bounced around a lot of places, never managed to stay anywhere long. Until now."

"Well, I'm glad you're still here," Eddie hums. "You're good at your job and the team love you."

"Yeah, okay," Buck laughs. He's definitely better at the job than he was when he first started, but there's a lot of room for improvement. As for the team loving him? Buck feels like he gets on their nerves less now, more like an annoying younger brother than a pain in the ass coworker.

"You don't believe me." Eddie's head is tilted slightly to the left and he's biting the inside of his bottom lip the same way he did in the gym on his first day (Buck had very nearly jumped him right then and there).

"Not...entirely," Buck murmurs. "I, uh. Might tell you more about my probie year at some point. I was kind of a shit."

"Was?" Eddie teases. Buck kicks him lightly under the table, drinking in the way Eddie laughs and kicks him back.

“If we’d met last year I don’t think you’d be sitting here with me right now,” Buck says. “I got fired for, uh. Something. Bobby gave me a second - well, third…maybe fourth chance. More than I deserved. Grateful to still be here.”

“You seem like you’ve worked pretty hard to earn the immense amount of respect Bobby has for you.” Eddie doesn’t know what he’s talking about - that’s all this is. He hasn’t been around for long enough, he wasn’t here when Buck was fucking up one way or another every shift. “You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“I was tossing up between the 118 and Station 6 - almost went with 6, honestly. Until Bobby called me to tell me about one of his A shift guys who he thought I’d be good for - and who’d be good for me. Strong, capable, maybe a little reckless sometimes,” Eddie says pointedly. “But someone who’d make a good partner.”

“Me?”

“No, Hen,” Eddie deadpans. “Yes you. Talked you up so much I was sure he was exaggerating.”

“Oh. I, um. Don’t really know what to say to that.”

“He wasn’t,” Eddie tells him. “Just so we’re clear.”

“Thank you,” Buck whispers. “That - that means a lot. Coming from you.”

“But you still don’t believe it.”

“I’ll work on it,” Buck promises. “How much time do I have left?”

“Five minutes,” Eddie says, checking his watch. “I gotta get home to take Chris to school.”

“Chris is your son?” Buck asks.

“Is that one of your questions?”

“Wh- no, no, obviously you’re talking about your kid,” Buck sputters. Eddie smirks at him, draining the last of his coffee before leaning back in his chair. Sleeping with your new coworker is a bad idea, right? “Do you think you’ll ever have more kids?”

“If I meet the right person and if the time is right, yeah. I’d love to give Chris a sibling. Do you want kids?”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “Not right now, but one day. Definitely.”

“I bet you’ll be a good dad,” Eddie hums. “I saw you with that kid at the store today.” Buck needs to change the subject before he does something stupid like leap across the table and beg Eddie to impregnate him.

“Chris is your proudest accomplishment. What’s your biggest regret?” He uses Eddie’s careful pause to think of what his biggest one is - Buck’s got so many, and he needs to pick one that won’t make Eddie realise he’s not worth the effort. Eddie’s watching him carefully, chewing on his bottom lip again and exhaling heavily.

“Taking so long to be honest with myself about my sexuality. Yours?”

“Hard to pick just one,” Buck laughs. “Probably not trying harder to keep in touch with my sister. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in a really long time.”

“Were you guys close?” Eddie’s tone is gentle and he’s shifted forward in his seat, knocking his knee against Buck’s under the table.

“Yeah,” Buck mumbles. “She raised me.”

“Is she local?”

“No. We grew up in Pennsylvania, I don’t know where she is now.” It hurts to talk about Maddie, but if Eddie can be honest then so can Buck. Maybe he can try scouring social media again when he gets home - he tries it every few months, but he never finds her.

“Isn’t Bobby dating that police sergeant? Athena? Maybe she could help,” Eddie suggests.

“Athena doesn’t like me very much,” Buck snorts. “Last question. What, uh - what is your sexuality?”

“I’m gay,” Eddie answers easily.

“I’m bi,” Buck replies with a grin. “And that’s time.”

“Finish your coffee,” Eddie chuckles. “I’ll give you an extra two minutes.”

“So generous,” Buck sighs. Eddie knocks their knees together again, cheeks flushed as he ducks his head a little. Fuck sleeping with the guy - Buck’s gonna romance the shit out of him. They head out of the cafe together, shoulders bumping as they walk back to their cars. Buck resists the urge to hug Eddie goodbye - that feels like too much too soon.

“Thanks for the coffee,” Eddie smiles. “And the clarity.”

“Clarity?”

“On why you were behaving the way you were before we pulled the grenade out of that guy’s leg,” Eddie snorts. Buck rolls his eyes as Eddie climbs into his truck, closing the door for him.

“You’re lucky you weren’t here last year,” Buck tells him.

“I don’t know,” Eddie hums, “I think I still would have liked you.”

“I was - I slept with whoever would let me,” Buck admits. “I would have ruined any shot of friendship we had.”

“That’s a shame,” Eddie sighs as he turns his car on. “I might have let you.”

“Uh.”

“See you tomorrow, Buck.”

–

“What’s your workout routine?” Buck asks Eddie when they’re next on shift. They’re working out together - well, Buck is mostly watching Eddie workout. He’s been rotating between weights and pull-ups. His muscles are incredibly distracting, and Buck has no idea how he does it with their schedule and a kid.

“That’s gonna count as one of your questions,” Eddie says. He doesn’t look up from where he’s stacking weight onto the barbell - it’s just under what Buck usually lifts.

“Wh - ugh, whatever. Just tell me,” Buck huffs.

“I don’t really have one. Call it genetics and fifteen minutes of stretches with Chris every morning.”

“You’re fucking with me. That doesn’t count as one of my questions.”

“It counts, I answered honestly. I get in whatever workouts I can here, and you’ve seen those,” Eddie shrugs. Buck thinks he’d probably hate Eddie if he wasn’t so goddamn charming and attractive. Genetics? What a fucking joke. Buck counts every calorie he puts into his body, tracks every minute of his workouts, goes for a minimum five mile run every day he’s not on shift, and regularly measures his body fat percentage. It’s fucking exhausting.

“That shouldn’t count as one of my questions, that was barely an answer,” Buck argues.

“It definitely counts,” Chimney chimes in. “You asked, he answered.”

“Who says you get a say in this?” Buck crosses his arms and can feel himself being a brat, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t need Chim getting in the way of his Wooing Eddie Diaz with Twenty Questions Plan. Besides, Eddie had all but admitted at least somewhat enjoying Buck’s bratty posturing behaviour from earlier in the week. This could work in his favour.

“You’re having a loud conversation in a common area,” Chimney snipes back.

“Just because you don’t like the answer doesn’t mean it doesn’t count,” Eddie says. “What’s yours?”

“I can’t hear this again,” Chimney groans, walking away. Buck runs through his whole routine, now somewhat embarrassed, gauging Eddie’s reaction cautiously. Much like at the cafe the day before, Eddie is watching him carefully.

“That’s a lot,” Eddie comments, but his tone isn’t judgy. Buck just shrugs as he takes a long swig from his bottle. “I mean, it’s definitely working for you. But how does that leave time for, you know. Enjoying your life?”

“Hey, I have fun,” Buck counters weakly. Eddie nods like he doesn’t entirely believe him, but asks Buck to spot him as he lifts. Once again, his muscles are incredibly distracting. Buck needs to think of better questions.

–

“How many people have you slept with?” Buck asks. It’s early - close to four in the morning, and they’ve just come back from a rescue that ended up being far more complicated than they had anticipated. They’ve got another five hours left on shift and while everyone has gone for the bunks, Buck has trailed after Eddie up to the loft for something to eat and a coffee.

“Jesus, coming in hot aren’t we?” Eddie snorts, passing Buck a deliciously steaming mug of caffeinated joy before pouring his own. Buck shrugs with one shoulder and wraps his hand around his own mug, letting the steam warm his face still stinging from the frigid wind outside.

“One,” Eddie answers. Buck opens his mouth to argue, snapping it shut before the words can spill out. He trusts Eddie is telling him the truth.

“Christopher’s mother,” Buck murmurs. “That wasn’t a question.”

“I know,” Eddie chuckles. “Her name is Shannon. We divorced two years ago, we share custody of Chris. You?”

“Uh. Definitely more than one,” Buck admits sheepishly. “Fifty? Maybe fifty-five. I - I don’t have an exact number.” Buck waits for the judgement - the raised eyebrow, the shift back, the withdrawal of the trust and respect they’d been building. It doesn’t come.

“You, uh. Must be pretty good at it then,” Eddie teases. Buck’s face feels hot, even though his mug is now on the table. 

“Not enough for anyone to want to stick around,” Buck mutters. Before Abby, nobody had wanted to stay. And then even Abby didn’t. She’d broken up with him at the airport before she left. 

“Sounds like you were sleeping with idiots, then.” Eddie - Eddie is flirting with him. A year ago, Buck would have been dragging Eddie into the showers and dropping to his knees. But Buck already knows this relationship is too important to fuck up by rushing it.

“Yeah,” Buck agrees quietly. “It never quite gave me what I was looking for.”

“And what are you looking for?”

“Okay before I answer that will you agree to answer it as well and not have it count as one of my twenty?” Buck questions, because if he’s going to be that vulnerable it’s only fair that Eddie is too.

“Sure,” Eddie agrees.

“Someone who doesn’t make me feel like I need to change fundamental parts of myself to be worth hanging onto,” Buck whispers. “And like - I’m not saying I don’t want to ever have to work on myself, I’m just -”

“You want someone who’ll love you for who you are and support you to be the best version of yourself,” Eddie finishes for him. “Someone who will stick around for the shitty parts.”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “Something like that.”

“Same,” Eddie agrees quietly. “I mean, I’m not really looking to date right now - I’m trying to get settled here and focus my off-shift time on Christopher. Even then I - I’d be looking for someone who understands that Chris and I are a package deal.”

“Right,” Buck murmurs, feeling his stomach drop (not because of the Chris thing - Buck hasn’t met him yet, but he already knows he’ll love him). Honestly, it’s probably for the best - dating someone he works with, especially someone he works with so closely could end terribly. When they inevitably break up it could mean one of them being transferred to a different shift or a different station. Buck can do friends. He can wait.

“That doesn’t mean that it’s not something I’ll be looking for in the future.” Eddie’s tapping his fingers on the table meeting Buck’s gaze with a smile. And oh, Eddie’s opening that door. 

“I, uh. I’m gonna ask a question that I want you to postpone answering - it won’t count as one of your postpones,” Buck breathes. Eddie nods, dragging his chair a little closer. “Can I take you out on a date?”

“Ask me again in six months,” Eddie answers softly, reaching across the table to squeeze Buck’s hand as the alarm goes off again. Buck grins at Eddie as they push back from the table and jog down the stairs. He can wait six months.

–

The earthquake hits the next day. Buck can tell Eddie is rattled, even outside of how often he’s checking his phone for a signal. He’s chewing his bottom lip and tapping his fingers on his knee in the engine between calls, staying closer to Buck on scene than he has before.

“Do you want a distraction or to talk about it?” Buck asks quietly. Eddie takes a deep breath in through his nose, holds it, and exhales through his mouth loudly.

“Distraction,” he murmurs. “Please.”

“Okay, I’ll use one of my questions. What’s one thing you wish you could go back and say to your teen self?”

“Postpone. Not really looking to address my childhood right now,” Eddie answers quickly.

“Oh, sure. Sorry,” Buck breathes. “If I called you in the middle of the night to help me hide a body, would you do it?” Eddie barks out a laugh, hip checking Buck over to help him load their gear back into the ladder truck.

“Did you kill someone I know?” Eddie asks.

“Yes.”

“Did they deserve it?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes. I’d be there in a heartbeat,” Eddie says as he shuts the door on the side of the truck.

“Me too,” Buck chuckles. He’s pretty sure that even if Eddie killed someone without a justified reason that he’d help. They climb back into the truck, sitting side by side pressed against each other. It’s been a long day and Buck is ready to go home and take a long shower. The loft he’s just moved into has incredible water pressure, the hot water lasts for ages, and he can hear his bed calling his name.

When they make it back to the station, Eddie’s truck is parked in and Buck can see him starting to panic - just a little. As wiped as Buck is, he offers to drive Eddie to Christopher’s school and gets him there in under fifteen minutes. Watching Eddie reunite with Chris heals a small part of Buck, warmth blooming in his chest as Eddie scoops Chris up and holds him close. 

Chris is charismatic, just like Eddie. He chatters away on the car ride back to their house, talking about his lesson on the water cycle that day. Buck chimes in with facts on types of clouds and can see, in his peripheral vision, Eddie watching him with a fond smile on his face. Chris asks to hold Buck’s hand as they walk up the path to the front door and continues talking about school as he brushes his teeth. Buck steps back and watches as Eddie reads him a bedtime story and kisses him goodnight, tucking the covers up to Christopher’s chin.

“Wanna stay for a beer?” Eddie asks after closing Christopher’s bedroom door. Buck wants to sleep for a week, but Eddie’s head is tilted a little to the left again and Buck just can’t say no.

“If I can ask you a few of my questions, sure.”

“Sit. I’ll throw a pizza in the oven as well?” Eddie offers.

“God yes please,” Buck groans, suddenly starving. Eddie laughs and heads into the kitchen for a few minutes as Buck flops down onto the couch - it’s stupidly comfortable and the blanket spread over the back is soft.

“Alright,” Eddie sighs, passing Buck a beer. “What have you got for me now?”

“What’s your favourite thing about being a dad?” Buck’s momentarily distracted by the line of Eddie’s throat as he takes a sip of his beer, watching the way his throat moves as he swallows. Eddie tips his head back and closes his eyes with a smile.

“Watching Christopher transform into his own person,” he hums. “I see bits of myself and Shannon in him, but he’s just - really coming into himself, you know? He gets his thirst for knowledge from Shannon, but he just asks the most obscure questions. He asked me the other day if I thought that dogs knew they were dogs. Asked if I thought that dogs thought we were bigger, less hairy dogs that walk funny.”

“That absolutely sounds like something a seven year old would ask,” Buck snorts. “He’s awesome, Eddie. I could see him ending up at a ridiculously elite university with a full scholarship working in research or something.”

“He’s smarter than myself and Shannon put together,” Eddie muses. “I’m already learning more from him than he learns from me.”

“You’re really good with him,” Buck murmurs. “I can tell how much you love him.”

“He’s my whole world,” Eddie agrees. He turns his head so he’s looking at Buck, still smiling. “Alright. Favourite thing about being a firefighter.”

“This sounds cliche, but helping people,” Buck shrugs. “We meet people on the worst day of their life, and I like knowing that I play a part in making it better.”

“You are very charming,” Eddie tells him. “I see the way you are with people on calls, you definitely help.”

“Yeah well, so do you,” Buck mumbles, ducking his head to hide the flush undoubtedly spreading across his face. He doesn’t think he’s blushed as much in his whole life as he has over the last week. “Uh. Least favourite thing?”

“Worrying I’m turning into my own father and that I’m going to fuck him up,” Eddie admits bluntly. Buck sits up straight and turns on the couch, tucking one leg underneath himself.

“The fact that you’re worried about that tells me you’ll make sure that doesn’t happen,” Buck tries to assure him. Eddie blows a loud breath out of his nose and shrugs, taking a long drag of beer. “Eddie. As a person whose parents also fucked him up, I can tell that you adore Christopher and genuinely give a shit about letting him be himself. You just told me that your favourite thing about being his dad is watching him be his own person.”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. His eyes are a little glassy and he sniffs, blinking a few times and clearing his throat. “You?”

“Feeling like I haven’t done enough.” Buck thinks back to Devon and the rollercoaster, thinks back to the dozens of other calls he’s been on where they just haven’t been able to save everyone. Calls where he’s made mistakes that could have ended up costing someone their life, calls when they can’t work fast enough to prevent life-changing injuries. Eddie nods in agreement and they sit in comfortable silence, polishing their beers off before the pizza is ready.

“Want another?” Eddie asks when the timer goes off. Buck shakes his head - with how tired he is another beer would be a mistake, especially when he can still hear his bed calling out to him.

“Not if I want to make it home without crashing my car,” Buck snorts. Eddie heads to the kitchen and returns a minute later, plonking the pizza down on the table - it’s been cut into uneven slices and is just sitting on top of the box it came in, but it’s steaming and smells surprisingly good for a frozen grocery store pizza.

“You, uh. Could crash here - if you want. The couch is pretty comfortable and I know for a fact that Christopher has more questions about clouds for you,” Eddie offers. Buck doesn’t hesitate.

“Thanks, I’d love to. I, uh. I can help you run Chris to school tomorrow?”

“Sure, thanks. And, uh - that question you asked me. Maybe ask again in three months? Instead of six.” Eddie’s voice is quiet but certain as he sits back down, closer to Buck than he had been before.

“Yeah?” Buck whispers. Eddie smiles at him again, knocking against Buck with his shoulder.

“Yeah.” He’s looking at Buck like he’s something special, and Buck doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

–

“I’ll answer your question from yesterday now,” Eddie tells him over breakfast the next morning. Buck got up early to make pancakes, a recipe he’d been perfecting with Bobby. Eddie had rolled his eyes fondly and drowned his in syrup.

“One thing you’d tell your teen self?” Buck’s speaking to Eddie but watching Christopher as he sprinkles blueberries over his own pancakes, syrup dripping down his chin and back onto his plate. Eddie chuckles and passes Christopher a napkin, taking the sticky paper back after he wipes his face.

“I’d go back and tell him it’s worth it,” Eddie murmurs, eyes on Chris. “All the - hard stuff, the - you know. Capital T hardships. It’s worth it, because I end up here.”

“With me!” Christopher adds with a grin.

“With you,” Eddie laughs, ruffling Christopher’s curls. “With the 118.” With me, Buck thinks to himself - possibly prematurely, because a lot can happen in three months. People don’t usually stick with Buck for that long, not if they don’t have to.

“I’d tell fifteen year old Buck to tell his sister he loves her more often,” Buck murmurs. He misses Maddie something awful, a permanent ache having taken residence in his chest the day he found out she wasn’t coming with him. “Maybe tell him to stay for her.”

“I can help you find her,” Eddie implores, reaching across the table to grab Buck’s hand. He squeezes it tight and Buck feels something loosen slightly in his chest.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Buck admits. He knows she’s not in Hershey anymore, but she hasn't answered any of his postcards and she doesn’t pick up when he calls. Christopher’s eyes are flicking between them and Buck can’t say any more about what he knows, not in front of a seven year old.

“Okay,” Eddie breathes. “Okay, we’ll - we’ll talk more about this later, okay? We’ll get Christopher to school and we’ll start looking - if you want.”

“Eddie, you don’t have to do that.” This isn’t Eddie’s mess to step into - Buck barely knows if it’s his own mess.

“You got me to Christopher last night and home in one piece,” Eddie argues. “And even if you hadn’t, being part of a team - being friends - means helping each other out with the hard stuff. The ugly stuff.”

“Friends,” Buck echoes, nodding. “Yeah. Okay. Uh - thank you.”

“I’ve got your back, remember?” Eddie grins and lets go of Buck’s hand, finishing his breakfast before continuing with his and Christopher’s morning routine. Eddie breezes in and out of the kitchen as Christopher finishes his pancakes, packing lunch and books into a backpack.

“Did you know there’s a special word for a sky with no clouds in it?” Buck says as he takes his last bite of pancake.

“Cloudless?” Christopher asks, pushing his empty plate across the table. Buck grabs all three plates and loads them into the dishwasher, running the water to wash the pan and mixing bowl.

“Well, yes. But another word for it is enubilous - it’s an old word, nobody really uses it any more,” Buck chatters. “You should see if your teacher knows it.”

“Okay!” Christopher chirps. “What’s your favourite kind of cloud?”

“Hmm,” Buck muses. “Hard to pick just one, but I quite like altocumulus. They can look like ripples on a lake, I think that’s really cool.”

“My favourite is cumulus, they make different shapes.” Christopher is wriggling in his seat as he speaks. “But cirrus clouds turn pretty colours at sunrise and sunset.”

“They do,” Buck agrees with a chuckle. “They sit really high in the sky - sixteen thousand feet and higher.”

“Mount Everest is taller than that,” Chris adds.

“You’d be able to look down on the clouds if you were at the top,” Buck grins. He was right - he fucking adores Christopher. He’s smart, he’s kind (he’d very emphatically thanked Buck last night), and he’s ridiculously adorable. Buck looks up and spots Eddie, leaning against the doorframe and watching them. His expression is soft and warm, one corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile.

“I hate to break-up the nerd out,” he starts. “But we have to go if we’re going to be on time. Which we need to be, because Chris has a busy morning.”

“We can swing by the station on the way back, see if your car is free yet. And then, uh. Would you come to my loft? I’ve got some stuff of Maddie’s there,” Buck asks tentatively.

“Of course,” Eddie agrees easily. Buck thinks maybe, just maybe - he’s found what he’s looking for. “And, uh. Make it two months, yeah?”

–

“She talked about Boston, before I left,” Buck mumbles in the elevator, leaning against the wall. “But I don’t - I don’t know if she ever went, and if she did I don’t know if she stayed.”

“What’s her husband like?” Eddie asks carefully, as if he already knows the answer. Buck huffs and shakes his head - he never liked Doug, he was never right for Maddie. He’s pretty sure Doug is the reason Buck hasn’t heard from Maddie in three years.

“All kinds of wrong for Maddie, and just - just a fucking dick.”

“I know the type,” Eddie hums. “Plenty of them in the army. Promise me that if you go looking for her you won’t go alone?”

“I promise,” Buck agrees. They step out of the elevator, and - “Maddie?”

“Well, that was easy,” Eddie mutters. Buck barely hears him - he’s running down the hallway to where his sister is sitting cross-legged on the floor at his door. She stands up and lets Buck scoop her into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around him.

“Hi, Evan,” she says into his shoulder.

“Maddie,” Buck repeats, clinging tight and squeezing his eyes shut. It doesn’t stop the tears falling, and Maddie pulls back far enough to brush them away. “I - we were just - Eddie was going to help me start looking for you.”

“I’m here,” she murmurs, gripping his hand. “I left - I’m here.”

“Do you have somewhere to stay?”

“Uh…here with my wonderful little brother?” Maddie asks with a grin. “I, uh. Just have these bags.”

“Yeah - shit, Maddie, of course. The bed’s yours for as long as you need it,” Buck rambles breathlessly, finally stepping away to open the door. Maddie steps inside as Eddie clears his throat behind them.

“I, uh. Guess you don’t really need my help anymore?”

“I always need your help, Eddie,” Buck tells him. “Come in? I’ve got some zucchini slice I made the other day.”

“Are you sure? You haven’t seen Maddie in -”

“Eddie, please come inside,” Maddie pipes up. Eddie nods, laughing, as he places a hand on Buck’s lower back and guides him inside. He leaves his hand there until they reach the kitchen, and Buck feels the heat linger once he’s taken it away.

“Buck speaks very highly of you,” Eddie says, leaning against the counter. Buck’s taller, but right now it seems like the long line of Eddie’s torso stretches on forever. Buck realises a second too late that he's staring again and Maddie’s asked him a question.

“Uh, sorry. What?”

“I asked how you two know each other,” Maddie asks, clearly amused. “But I think I just got my answer.”

“Oh, n-no, it’s -”

“We work together.” Eddie slides into the conversation smoothly. “We’re friends - he saved my ass getting me to my kid after the earthquake yesterday.”

“That sounds like Evan - or Buck, I guess?”

“Uh, yeah. I - I go by Buck now. I was one of three Evan’s at the academy, so…” Buck trails off with a shrug. “Um, yeah. Eddie and I are - we’re friends.”

“For now,” Eddie adds with a smirk. Buck chokes a little on nothing, avoiding Maddie’s inquisitive stare. “Bathroom?”

“Um - up-upstairs. The one down here needs a deep clean,” Buck stammers. Eddie squeezes his shoulder and jogs up the stairs, leaving Buck alone with Maddie. Who is staring at him.

“For now?”

“It’s - it’s a long story,” Buck replies weakly. Maddie just blinks and leans back in her chair, watching him. Fuck. Buck’s never been able to lie to her.

“Give me the abridged version.”

“Okay, I’m asking him on a date in two months,” Buck says.

“Why two months?”

“Because - it’s -” Buck sighs and drops into a chair opposite Maddie, with his back to the stairs. “I really like him, Maddie. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“How long have you two known each other?” Maddie hasn’t taken her eyes off him and Buck feels incredibly exposed - ready to be judged for already being stupidly head over heels for someone he’s known for such a short period of time.

“Um. A little over two weeks?” Buck murmurs. “Which - I know, ok. Classic Buck getting way too attached too fast. But Maddie, he’s -” Buck stops and takes a deep breath, fingers tapping out a quick beat on the table. “This might sound crazy but I can just tell he’s going to be someone really important in my life. Him and Chris - his kid. The coolest fucking kid ever, Maddie.”

“Hey,” Maddie says softly. “He likes you. I can tell.”

“Y-yeah. I really think he might. He, uh. Eddie’s not ready to date right now, but I basically asked if I could ask him out later. He said I could ask him in six months.” Buck’s smiling to himself, staring at his fingers as Maddie reaches over and squeezes his hand.

“You said two - what changed?”

“I don’t - he said three last night, once Chris had gone to bed,’ Buck explains. “Then he changed his mind to two this morning after breakfast.”

“Must have been one hell of a day yesterday. He said you got him to his kid?” Maddie’s tone is soft and Buck has missed her so fucking much. Nobody has ever understood him quite like Maddie – until Eddie, maybe. Hopefully.

“His car got parked in at the station so I offered to drive him to the school then home. Chris - Maddie, he’s the best kid. We talked about the water cycle and clouds the whole drive to their house, he’s super smart,” Buck rambles with a grin. “I got up and made pancakes this morning and we drove Chris to school.”

“Huh,” Maddie hums. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“It does?”

“Evan,” Maddie laughs. “Buck - sorry. That’s going to take some getting used to. Buck - you jumped in and helped him without being asked, and it sounds like you were good with his kid.”

“He was,” comes Eddie’s voice from behind Buck. “A natural, honestly. Chris is pretty endearing, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people take to each other as fast as they did.”

“How - how much of that did you hear?” Buck stammers, turning slowly in his chair.

“I was in the bathroom for like thirty seconds. So, most of it?” Eddie is grinning at him, steadying himself by grabbing Buck’s shoulder as he takes the seat next to him. Buck drops his head onto the table as Eddie chuckles, not moving his hand. 

“Fantastic,” Buck mutters into his arms. Eddie’s hand is warm on his shoulder, his thumb sweeping back and forth. Buck turns his head to look at Eddie, smiling when he finds Eddie already looking at him.

“So,” Maddie starts, snapping Buck out of the moment. “How have you been? Aside from making yourself a new best friend and rescuing people after an earthquake.”

“Oh, you know. Fine,” Buck shrugs, because the reality is that until two weeks ago this had been just fine. Not great, not especially terrible. Fine.

“Fine?” Maddie and Eddie say at the same time. Buck fixes his gaze on a spot over Maddie’s shoulder - some photos he has on the fridge from his travels. He thinks maybe he’d been convincing himself that he was just fine for so long that he didn’t even realise he’d been lying.

“Until two weeks ago, yeah. Just fine,” Buck repeats. Eddie’s hand is still on this shoulder, his thumb still moving as he shifts his chair closer.

“And now?” Maddie questions. Buck looks back to Eddie who’s still watching him, smiling.

“Things make more sense, now,” Buck murmurs. “I’m good. Great, even.”

“Good,” Maddie exhales. “I was always thinking about you, you know? Worrying.”

“Yeah,” Buck responds, finally looking at her again. “Me too. The other day I remembered that time I followed you to your friends place - y-you weren’t even mad at me, even though Jessa was. You let me stay and watch that movie - Now and Then, I think? I - that’s my happiest childhood memory, Mads.”

“I think it might be mine too,” Maddie tells him softly, tears forming in her eyes. “You were so excited to be there and you stayed so quiet. But then on the way home, you just…talked about the movie the whole time and kept thanking me for letting you stay. It - it broke my heart, Evan, but seeing you so happy…”

“Maddie,” Buck chokes out, reaching across the table. Eddie’s hand slides down Buck’s back and comes to rest around his waist as Maddie grabs his hand.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “For not coming with you. For staying away so long.”

“Hey, no,” Buck says insistently. “You’re here now. You - you can stay, now. You’ll be safe here.”

“I know,” Maddie hums. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“For just having met you, I like you a normal amount,” Eddie chimes in. Buck laughs wetly, leaning into Eddie’s touch and squeezing Maddie’s hand before standing up.

“Zucchini slice,” he says, clapping his hands together. “You both want a piece? Some coffee?”

“I’ll help,” Eddie offers, following Buck to the fridge. Buck can feel Maddie’s eyes burning into him as he and Eddie move seamlessly around each other to prepare the food.

“Using one of my questions. What’s your favourite childhood memory?” Buck speaks quietly enough that Maddie doesn’t hear - he doesn’t need questions about this thing right now, wants to keep it for just Eddie and him.

“I used to spend a couple of weeks over the summer with my abuela,” Eddie starts. “She’d teach me to cook, teach me to dance, we watched old movies together. Right up until I was ten it was two weeks every summer.”

“What happened when you turned ten?”

“My father decided it was time for me to be the man of the house,” Eddie mutters. He doesn’t offer more information, and Buck doesn’t want to push.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, knocking their shoulders together. Eddie knocks back and smiles at him.

“Hey, it got me here,” he replies. And that, Buck thinks, he’ll be grateful for for the rest of his life.

–

Buck doesn’t use one of his questions for a couple of weeks - work is busy and he ends up dragging himself back to the loft to crash after every shift. Off shift he’s helping Maddie find somewhere to live - he loves having her around, but the layout of the loft isn’t really conducive to living with someone you’re not sharing the bed with. Buck’s downstairs on the couch and his body is suffering for it - it’s nowhere near as comfortable as Eddie’s, and Maddie complains every morning about Buck’s snoring.

“The place we looked at today was nice, she put in an application and I offered to co-sign with her. Something about her not having a credit score,” Buck tells Eddie as he sinks down onto the couch next to him. Eddie passes him a beer and clinks the necks of the bottles together. It’s late, and Buck is tired, but it’s the first evening he’s spent with Eddie in two weeks.

“She really went through it with Doug, hey,” Eddie murmurs. Buck huffs and nods - Maddie has opened up over the last couple of weeks, and Eddie has had to talk Buck down from taking off to find Doug and fucking kill him. “She’s got you now, though.”

“Is that enough?”

“I think it is.” Eddie’s voice is reassuring and it takes all of Buck’s restraint to not forget the beer and lie down on the couch with his head in Eddie’s lap.

“New question.” Buck clears his throat, hoping a subject change will help with his self-restraint. “Was there like, one moment when you realised you were gay? Or was it a culmination of little moments?”

“Right so before I answer that I need to uh, amend my response to that question. I am gay, but I’m also demi. I’ve found that to be, um. It’s been something people have a harder time accepting,” Eddie admits quietly. And Buck - he’s struggling to understand how anyone wouldn’t want to put in the time and effort building a strong emotional connection with Eddie. How anyone could have a hard time accepting that Eddie needs that bond - Buck will wait forever if that’s what it takes for Eddie to feel comfortable, to feel ready.

“I don’t - that doesn’t make any sense to me,” Buck says. “I mean, people suck - I’ve met my fair share of people who are exclusively looking for sex. Fuck, I was that guy for a while. But I don’t think I would ever have made someone feel bad for needing to build that connection first, you know?”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Eddie whispers. “That’s why I’m telling you now. And to answer your question, it was a bit of both? I remember friends in highschool talking about wanting to fuck the girls in our grade and thinking ‘sure, they’re pretty but I’m not really interested in sleeping with someone I know nothing about’. But also thinking I’d rather get to know Andrew than Andrea, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“But then there was the whole being raised Latin Catholic and having homophobia woven into my DNA thing,” Eddie snorts. “It was easy to pretend with Shannon, at first. She was my best friend so we had that connection, and it was simple enough to suppress the fact that I was way more into my friend Matt and just…carry on pretending.”

“Then Christopher happened.”

“Then Christopher happened,” Eddie repeats. He’s avoiding looking at Buck, who takes Eddie’s hand into his own and squeezes. “Then I just had to keep pretending, for his sake. Until I couldn’t anymore.”

“What changed?” Buck asks quietly. Eddie’s fingers twitch against his own and their knees press together. “You don’t have to -”

“It’s okay, these are all part of one question. I want to tell you,” Eddie assures him. “I made a friend at the academy. Shannon and I had just finalised our divorce, and - this guy was so kind, and I just had this ‘oh’ moment. Nothing - nothing happened, he’s happily married with three kids. It wasn’t ever going to turn into anything romantic, but after a few months I realised how attracted I was to him. That was it.”

“Are you -” Buck cuts himself off before asking Eddie if they’re still in touch, because it’s a selfish question and this is about Eddie right now. “How - sorry, uh. You said people had a hard time accepting it?”

“I went on a few dates around a month before I finished up at the academy,” Eddie sighs. “Some people I met online. Every date came to an abrupt end when the guy realised they weren’t going to get sex within the first three dates.”

“I’m sorry.” Buck relates a little too strongly - he’s used to having people bail when they’ve gotten what they need from him. When they realise he’s too much to hold onto.

“If it had worked out with any of them I wouldn’t be sitting here with you now,” Eddie chuckles. “I know where I’d rather be.”

“Sorry, not sorry then?”

“That’s better. What about you? One big lightbulb moment or a lifetime of buildup?” Eddie’s looking at him now, his gaze open and warm. 

“A guy hit on me at a bar and I thought ‘why the hell not, I’ll try anything once’,” Buck laughs. Eddie snorts, coughing as his mouthful of beer dribbles out of his mouth.

“So was it like, mid-blowjob you realised you were into it or…”

“Pretty much,” Buck shrugs. “I enjoyed it as much as I had enjoyed sleeping with…uh Samantha, I think, the night before. That was it.”

“That easy, huh?” Eddie mutters. There’s some guilt, for Buck, because it had been a simple revelation for him. No agonising, no suppressing - just ‘oh, this is who I am’. Eddie clearly hadn’t had it as easy.

“I guess,” Buck mumbles. “I’m sorry it wasn’t like that for you.”

“It isn’t like that for a lot of people,” Eddie reasons. “I’m fine, Buck. I’m happy.”

“Yeah. Me too,” Buck breathes.

“Ask me,” Eddie says quickly. “That - that question. Ask me now.”

“W-wait, are you sure? You started by saying six months, it’s - it’s only been one,” Buck stutters. Eddie squeezes his hand and leans in, close enough that Buck can feel his breath ghosting across his face.

“Ask me,” Eddie insists.

“I have a whole thing planned,” Buck argues weakly. “I need - something.”

“Something?”

“I need to go to a place to get a thing, and then to another place for another thing . It’s - can I ask tomorrow morning?” Buck has a plan, okay, a plan that involves an early morning trip to the flower market then a store for a vase (because he’s checked and Eddie doesn’t have one). It’s a whole thing, because Eddie deserves to be romanced so hard he doesn’t know what’s hit him.

“Okay,” Eddie murmurs, bringing a hand up to brush his fingers over Buck’s birthmark. “Stay here tonight, do…whatever it is you need to do, and then ask me in the morning.”

“Okay,” Buck echoes. He’s unable to stop the wide grin that spreads across his face as Eddie’s hand drops down to his shoulder, thumb pressing into the pulse point in his neck.

–

Buck knocks on Eddie’s door just before nine the next morning. He’s got the flowers, he’s got a nice vase, he’s got Eddie’s favourite coffee, and he’s got the breakfast wraps they both like from the place a block from the station. He’d got up at four, silently slipping out Eddie’s front door into the dark chilly morning.

Mariana at the flower market had been super sweet and helpful, walking Buck through which flowers to pick and arranging them into a bouquet that looked far more expensive than it was. Buck’s never buying flowers anywhere else again.

“I gotta get you a -” Eddie stops dead in his tracks after opening the door, eyes fixed on the flowers in Buck’s hand. “Key.”

“Hi,” Buck breathes, holding the flowers out. “Can I take you -”

“Yes,” Eddie interrupts with a laugh.

“Let me finish! Can I -”

“Yes,” Eddie interrupts again.

“Eddie!” Buck is laughing too as he pushes the bunch of flowers into Eddie’s hands. “Can I please take you out on a date?”

“Yes,” Eddie repeats, grinning. “You got me flowers.”

“I did.”

“Nobody has ever given me flowers before,” Eddie murmurs, his eyes wide as he studies them closely. “They’re beautiful.”

“Just like you,” Buck smirks. “Most men don’t get flowers until their funeral, so. I got you flowers.”

“And knowing you I’m guessing each one of these flowers mean something special?” Eddie asks as they head into the house. Buck trails after him to the kitchen and fills the vase with water, taking the flowers back to snip the stems the way Mariana told him to.

“The, uh. The lilies are for devotion, the daffodils are for new beginnings, the anemones are for anticipation, the gladiolus are for strength of character, and the sunflowers,” Buck breathes, “the sunflowers are for adoration.”

“Fuck,” Eddie whispers, taking a step closer. “I’m not going to be able to wait to do this.”

“To do -” Buck’s sentence is cut short by Eddie pressing him back against the counter, kissing him softly. His hands come up to cup Buck’s cheeks, his thumbs smoothing over Buck’s eyebrows (dear god his hands are fucking huge). Buck plants his hands on Eddie’s hips and pulls him closer - gently, carefully. Eddie leans into the touch and sighs against Buck’s mouth, pulling back after a few moments to rest their foreheads together.

“To do that,” Eddie murmurs, still holding Buck’s face. “You got me flowers. Flowers for adoration and devotion, Buck.”

“Yeah, well,” Buck mutters with a shrug. “I adore you.”

“I adore you,” Eddie replies, pressing another kiss to Buck’s lips. “You got breakfast too?”

“You know it,” Buck chuckles as Eddie steps back. “Coffee and wraps.”

“I’m keeping you,” Eddie sighs as they sit down at the table. Buck’s been waiting his whole life to find someone who wants that, and to find it with Eddie? Well, he couldn’t really ask for much more, really.

–

“How many questions do I have left?” Buck asks, sitting across the table from Eddie at a little hole-in-the-wall Greek place they’d picked for their first date. Buck had only asked Eddie that morning - just a few hours ago, in fact. They’re out for lunch, neither of them willing to wait for dinner.

“Officially, nine,” Eddie tells him. “But I think that any questions you ask when we’re on a date shouldn’t count, because isn’t that the point of a date? Getting to know each other?”

“I feel like we know each other pretty well at this point,” Buck counters. “You trying to lie to me, Diaz?”

“Never,” Eddie murmurs, nudging Buck’s foot with his own. “But what we’ve failed to work out is how many questions I get to ask you.”

“How many do you want?”

“I only need five,” Eddie smirks. “Five questions and I’ll have you all figured out.”

“You think so, huh?” Buck teases, brushing his fingers over the back of Eddie’s hand where it’s resting on the table. Eddie flips his hand over and tangles their fingers together.

“I know,” Eddie hums. “But my questions are more like…having a beer on the couch at midnight questions. You’re gonna have to dig deep for these.”

“Going for the introspection, huh? You sure you can handle my deepest darkest secrets?” Buck tries to come across as sounding like he’s joking, but he’s not sure if it lands. He doesn’t really have secrets - not in the way people would expect. But what he does have is a constantly flowing river of insecurities and doubt that not even Eddie’s kindest and most honest words over the last month have been able to stem.

“I can handle anything and everything you’ve got,” Eddie says bluntly. “I want it all.”

“You sure?” Buck whispers. Eddie stands and drags his chair around to Buck’s side of the table, pushing it right up close and sitting pressed against him.

“I’m sure about you if you’re sure about me.”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” Buck laughs wetly. Eddie grins and kisses him, chaste but firm, and doesn’t move back to his side of the table. They finish their lunch, holding hands and sitting side-by-side.

–

They keep it quiet, at first. Eddie may not have been at the 118 for long, but Buck has worked with them enough to know how ruthless they can be with their teasing and how nosy they can be about each others’ personal lives. They do, however, quietly tell Bobby at Eddie’s insistence - he tells Buck that he doesn’t need to hand the department a reason to fire him in his probationary year on a silver platter. They barely need to say anything, anyway. They knock on the open office door at the end of their next shift, Bobby takes in the way Buck is nervously bouncing on his heels and the way Eddie’s fingers are brushing against Buck’s and simply hands them both a clipboard with relationship disclosure forms on them.

“Sit, fill these out, and then read and sign the code of conduct. If this relationship causes any problems in the firehouse or out on the field, one or both of you will be transferred to another house. Understood?”

“Understood,” they reply in unison. Buck can’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot as he fills his form out, as he watches Eddie fill his own out next to him. It’s standard stuff, but Buck reads every word as if his life depends on it (and it really feels like it does). The code of conduct is something that Buck has read and signed at least five times already, so he skims it and signs before handing the forms back to Bobby. He resists the urge to grab Eddie’s face and kiss him - he doesn’t really feel like reading and signing the code of conduct again (immediately after handing it back to Bobby).

“Buck,” Bobby says as they stand to leave. “Hang back a minute?”

“Uh - okay?” Buck steels himself for The Talk as Eddie leaves, hesitantly.  Buck waits for ‘don’t fuck it up, you’ll be the one who leaves, you’re on thin ice here, you’d better -’

“I knew he’d be good for you,” Bobby starts warmly, rounding the table to stand in front of Buck. “Guess it took getting to know him properly to understand how good you’d be for him too.”

“Huh?”

“I’m really happy for you, Buck. You’ve come a long way since you started here, and I know I can trust that you two will look out for each other - on and off the job,” Bobby tells him, squeezing Buck’s shoulders.

“I’m gonna do my best,” Buck whispers, blinking back tears. He’s not used to people having so much faith in him - it’s a little overwhelming, honestly. Kind of terrifying but grounding - a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

“I know you will,” Bobby smiles, clapping his shoulders once more before letting him go. Buck takes a deep breath before turning to leave the office, finding Eddie waiting for him just outside the door.

“All good?”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “All good. You ready to go?”

“With you? Always.”

–

“Have you ever regretted having Chris?”

“Christ, Buck,” Eddie coughs, setting his chicken stir-fry down on the coffee table. They’re at the loft watching some trashy reality show they both pretend to hate while they inhale their body weight in Chinese takeout and down more beers than they should, given they’ve got a day out with Chris planned for tomorrow. It’s the same thing they’ve been doing for the last month, with the added bonus of not having to pretend to leave space between them. They’re pressed together, Buck’s head resting on Eddie’s shoulder - well, it was until Eddie had to sit forwards to stop himself choking on a mouth full of noodles.

“Sorry, sorry - using one of my questions. Should have warned you first,” Buck rambles, slapping Eddie on the back a few times. Eddie snorts and sits back, stir-fry in hand, guiding Buck’s head back onto his shoulder.

“We’re up to the introspective part of our evening, are we? Hope you’re ready for my first question,” Eddie teases. “And no, not once.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, there have definitely been times where I’ve wondered what my life might have looked like if Shannon hadn’t gotten pregnant when she did - or if we’d…taken a different route,” Eddie says quietly. “But they were early on. Haven’t thought about it for a long time. How can I when I’ve got a kid like Chris? When I wake up in the morning and get to listen to him tell me about photosynthesis and asking if we can make natural food dyes using fucking cabbage.”

“He’s pretty spectacular,” Buck hums in agreement. Eddie laughs, nodding. “I mean it. You’re a great dad, Eddie.”

“I’m trying.”

“You’re succeeding,” Buck insists. Eddie presses a kiss to the top of Buck’s head, squeezing his knee with his free hand.

“Have you ever regretted leaving Pennsylvania?” 

“No,” Buck snorts. “Not for a second. I was suffocating there, had to leave so I could breathe.”

“Alright, now here’s my real question. What do you see when you look in the mirror?” Eddie asks. Buck freezes - Eddie wasn’t kidding, that’s introspective as hell.

“Uh. Some days I’m not sure,” Buck admits. “Other days…someone who’s fucked up a lot, someone who has had to fight tooth and nail to get where he is. Someone who’s one mistake away from losing it all.”

“Buck,” Eddie breathes. “That’s - that’s really how you see yourself?” Buck shrugs (as much as he can from his position tucked into Eddie’s side), carefully placing his beer on the floor.

“Sometimes,” he mutters. “It’s - it used to be worse. Sometimes I see someone strong and capable, someone people can rely on.”

“Well, let’s work on making that the face you see every time,” Eddie chuckles, his voice low and rumbly in Buck’s ear. It’s nice, Buck thinks, to just…exist with Eddie. No expectations, no pressure to perform. Just the two of them enjoying each other’s company.

“And you?”

“Someone who has also had to fight to get where he is now,” Eddie echoes as he tangles their fingers together. “Someone who still doesn’t entirely know who he is. A guy who hasn’t had many people in his life he could count on - until now.”

“Me?” Buck asks, though he knows the answer. It’s just nice to hear it confirmed.

“You,” Eddie affirms. He hooks a finger under Buck’s chin, tilting his head up to kiss him. It’s soft, like all their other kisses have been. Not a precursor for anything, not a prelude. Just a kiss for the sake of it, a reminder that he’s wanted just as he is.

–

They manage to keep their relationship quiet for a month. Four weeks of stealing glances, knocking shoulders on calls, trying to be subtle. Buck’s surprised they manage it as long as they do, honestly. Even more surprised that in the end it’s not him that accidentally reveals them to everyone.

It had been a rough shift - they’d had three calls in a row where they hadn’t been able to save anyone, and they’re all dragging their feet and silent as they get changed to head home for the day. Buck had been planning to take Eddie to a Lebanese restaurant they’d been talking about for a couple of weeks, but now all he wants is to curl up in bed until they’re back on shift in three days.

“Hey,” Eddie murmurs, dropping down next to Buck on the bench. “How about we grab pizza and just watch movies for the night? We can go to the Lebanese place tomorrow or Saturday.”

“Yes please,” Buck sighs. This is normal for them - the others are used to them following each other home after a shift, nobody is even looking at them right now.

“I gotta go to Chrisopher’s appointment,” Eddie tells him as he pulls his keys out of his pocket and removes his house key and presses it into Buck’s hand. “Get yourself one cut, head over, and I’ll be home in like two hours. Nap if you need to, I changed the sheets last night.”

“Okay,” Buck hums. Again - none of this is that weird for them (and if anyone thinks it’s weird that Eddie is telling Buck to get himself a copy of his house key cut two months after meeting they don’t say it). However, Eddie leaning in and kissing Buck goodbye definitely draws everyone’s attention. Buck freezes, acutely aware of everyone’s eyes on them.

“Uh,” Hen says.

“I knew it!” Chimney exclaims.

“No you did not,” Hen counters.

“I knew something was up,” Chimney argues.

“You knew nothing,” Buck huffs, tying his shoelace and standing to leave. He’s too tired to deal with this right now.

“Is this a recent development? Are we keeping this from Bobby?” Hen’s voice is gentle and kind, just like it always is. No judgement, no…nothing making Buck feel like she thinks he’s going to fuck it up.

“No,” Buck groans. “And no. We’ve been together for a month, Bobby has known from day one. Can we - can we please have this conversation another time, I just -”

“I think it’s clear we did not intend to, uh. Tell everyone right now. Or like that,” Eddie cuts in sheepishly. “We’re leaving. We’ll see you in three days.”

“Wait, no! You cannot just drop this on us and bail!” Chim argues.

“I think you’ll find we can,” Eddie counters, standing up and pulling Buck with him. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Buck calls over his shoulder as Eddie tugs him out of the locker room and over to where their cars are parked next to each other.

“I’m sorry,” he apologises. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“I don’t care,” Buck laughs. “They know now, I can stop pretending I don’t want to do everything with you and only you now.”

“True,” Eddie grins. He kisses Buck again, just once before opening his car door. “See you soon. Get some sleep.”

“Wake me when you get back?”

“Yeah I’m not doing that. If you’re still sleeping I’ll be joining you.” Eddie drives off and Buck feels warmed right down to his toes, clutching Eddie’s house key in his hand.

Eddie does, in fact, simply slide into bed next to Buck when he gets home later. Buck stirs, just enough, turning to pull Eddie into his arms and kiss him. Eddie hums happily, tucking his head under Buck’s chin and wrapping an arm snug around his waist.

“I’m glad everyone knows now,” Buck murmurs.

“Me too,” Eddie chuckles sleepily.

–

Buck steels himself for the teasing next shift. Tries to mentally prepare himself to have everyone watch him even more closely than usual, tries to prepare himself for his personal life to be dissected for everyone to voice their opinion on again.

It’s worse than he thought it was going to be.

“Never thought I’d see the day where Buck found someone who managed to wear him out,” Chimney chuckles as Buck yawns his way through the ambulance inventory check. Buck simply rolls his eyes and counts the gauze packets, slower than he needs to. He’d looked up a new muffin recipe last night and had accidentally ended up scrolling through the blog saving dozens of dessert recipes until three in the morning.

“You losing your stamina?” Hen teases, passing Buck extra gauze packets.

“I was saving dessert recipes,” Buck grumbles, shoving the gauze into its drawer with more force than necessary. He knows they’re just teasing, but it’s cutting a little deeper than Buck is proud of.

“Oh so that’s what the kids are calling crazy athletic sex these days,” Chimney laughs. Buck doesn’t respond, feeling frustration building under his skin. Eddie comes around to the back of the ambulance, watching Buck carefully and also ignoring Hen and Chim’s goading.

“I restocked the saline a few days ago and I don’t think we’ve used any since then, so that should be good,” Eddie tells him, stepping into the ambulance.

“Any excuse to be close eh,” Chimney snorts. Eddie rolls his eyes, sitting down on the gurney as Buck counts the saline. Eddie’s right, they’re fully stocked. It helps, having him close - even if it amps up the teasing.

“How many new moves has he taught you, Eddie?”

“None,” Eddie answers without looking, eyes still trained on Buck. He offers a smile and Buck is powerless to stop himself smiling back, even with his gut churning.

“It’s not like you could have taught him anything. Ain’t no way Buck’s got anything left to learn about sex.” Arvan is a B-shift firefighter putting in a few hours of overtime to help with the deep clean of the station they’re doing. Buck doesn’t like him very much, mostly because he’d been one of the firefighters who’d been there when Buck brought the engine back after stealing it to fuck that girl from the dating app. Even now, almost a year later, he was determined to not let Buck forget it.

“Our sex life or lack thereof is truly none of your business,” Eddie tells Arvan evenly. Everyone stops what they’re doing and stares at Buck.

“Lack thereof?” Chim asks. “Are you telling us you two aren’t sleeping together yet?”

“Like he said,” Buck says through gritted teeth, “it’s none of your damn business.”

“No way,” Arvan laughs. “There’s no way Evan ‘Fire Engine Stealing’ Buckley has kept it in his pants for an entire month.”

“Arvan!” Bobby’s voice rings down from the loft, sharp and angry. Arvan’s head snaps up and he looks rightfully embarrassed. “That’s enough.”

“Daddy’s boy,” Arvan mutters. Buck’s fists clench involuntarily - Eddie clocks it immediately and stands up, stepping out of the ambulance and into Arvan’s personal space.

“You got something you want to say to my face?”

“Wasn’t talking about you, Diaz,” Arvan grumbles. “But you’d better keep a close eye on your boy here. For as long as I’ve known Buckley he’s fucked anything over eighteen that moves. If he’s not getting it from you, he’s getting it from somewhere.”

“Guess you haven’t been paying much attention then,” Eddie hisses. Buck thinks maybe he should step in, speak up, anything. But he’s frozen in place, stuck watching Eddie’s shoulders get tighter as Arvan smirks in his face.

“I’ve known him longer than you,” Arvan laughs. “He’s a fucking slut.”

“Arvan. My office. Now,” Bobby yells, jogging down the stairs. Eddie exhales a loud breath and steps back, hands shaking as he turns to face Buck. Chim and Hen are watching in disbelief as Buck jumps down from the ambulance.

“Hey, we didn’t mean -” Hen starts.

“Bit late for that,” Eddie croaks, trying to shake the nerves from his hands and gesturing out the engine bay doors. Buck nods and they head out together, stopping in the parking lot near Buck’s Jeep.

“I’m not that person anymore, Eddie,” Buck tells him insistently. “And even when I was sleeping around I wasn’t a - I’ve never cheated or help someone cheat. Now knowingly, anyway. I’d never -”

“I know,” Eddie murmurs. His hands are still shaking, so Buck takes them into his own and squeezes. “He doesn’t know you. They don’t know you like I do.”

“No, they don’t,” Buck agrees. “I know Hen and Chim were just teasing, but I don’t - I shouldn’t have let that get to me the way I did. But Arvan -”

“Is an asshole,” Eddie huffs. Buck nods as raised voices float out the doors behind them, and watches as Arvan storms out and over to his car. Bobby is standing in the doorway watching him leave, beckoning Buck and Eddie back inside.

“Arvan has been suspended,” Bobby tells them as they sit down in his office. “I’ll need statements from both of you, when you’re ready.”

“Okay, cap,” Buck sighs. “Just - I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Bobby asks incredulously. Eddie blinks at him, baffled.

“This,” Buck starts, gesturing between himself and Eddie, “is already causing trouble. We promised -”

“Arvan caused the trouble,” Eddie snaps. “Hen and Chim started it. None of this was our fault.”

“Eddie’s right,” Bobby agrees. “I’ll be having words with them as well.”

“Can we not make this a whole thing?” Buck begs. “Hen and Chim -”

“Were out of line. Our personal lives are nobody's business but our own,” Eddie says bluntly. Buck’s personal life was everyone’s business for so long he doesn’t really know any other way to exist. His escapades were public knowledge, his sex life on display with every bite mark and hickey he bore when coming into work.

“Everyone who matters knows who you are and how hard you’ve worked,” Bobby adds. “Arvan will not be returning to our shift. You two are fine.”

“Okay,” Buck breathes, sniffling. “Thank you.”

–

“Using one of my questions,” Eddie says as Buck puts a plate of tortellini down in front of him. It’s the first time he’s made a pasta sauce from scratch for someone else and he’s nervous as it is. And apparently it’s now also time for him to dig into the shit he keeps locked away.

“Only if I can use one of mine,” Buck counters, taking the seat next to Eddie. 

“I guess that’s fair,” Eddie chuckles around a mouthful of pasta. “Oh this is good, Buck. Is that smoked paprika?”

“Yeah,” Buck grins. “You always add extra to your food, so I found a creamy paprika sauce. Been practicing it at the loft.”

“God I like you so much,” Eddie murmurs, pressing his sauce-smeared lips against Buck’s. “Question time. Does it bother you that we’re not having sex yet?”

“Wh - Eddie, no,” Buck insists. Sex may have been his only way of connecting with people on a (totally not) meaningful level before, but now? This, with Eddie? He’s never had anything like it before. Someone who wants to be with him for who he is, not what he can do in the bedroom (or bar bathroom, or car backseat, or rooftop, or fire engine). With Eddie, Buck’s been able to just be in a way he never has before. 

“Okay,” Eddie exhales, a tension Buck hadn’t even realised had been in Eddie’s shoulders releasing. “I just - I’m just trying to understand exactly what it is about what happened today that upset you.”

“I don’t care if we never have sex,” Buck states firmly. “As long as I get to be with you that’s all I need.”

“Well,” Eddie hums, sliding a hand up Buck’s thigh. “What if I were to say I wanted you to fuck me tonight?”

“I - I’d, uh. Ask if we could wait a bit longer? I’m sorry, I -”

“Don’t apologise,” Eddie cuts in. “Not for that. Never for that. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah,” Buck starts quietly. “The past month has been…healing. I had - Eddie, I had such a fucking unhealthy relationship with sex. All those people I slept with…they were desperate attempts to connect, a way to try to find someone - anyone - who would - wh-who…” Buck trails off and steadies himself with a few deep breaths. He’s never really spoken about this before, not since that therapy appointment (which, at the time, had been further proof to Buck that all he was good for was sex). Eddie stays quiet, watching him, letting him take his time.

“I used to read Seventeen magazine when I was in high school - found a box of Maddie’s stashed in her room after she moved out. Mom and Dad didn’t touch her room, kept it like a shrine. Mind you, as soon as I moved out mine was converted into a second office,” Buck scoffs. “Kept reading all this stuff about making it good for her, about how the best lovers were the ones who focused on her pleasure over his own. So that’s what I did. I worked on perfecting my techniques, seeing how quickly I could make the girls I was with come. Because if I was good enough, they’d want to come back.”

“Buck,” Eddie whispers. There’s no pity, no judgement.

“When I realised I was into guys as well I just…transferred my skills. Kept thinking ‘who wouldn’t want to be with a guy who makes sure his partner comes at least twice before he even thinks about himself’, right? Sometimes I didn’t even…sometimes I’d pretend that I’d come, if I thought it would get someone to come back again. Nobody ever did, though. But that didn’t stop me from - I just kept going, like eventually I’d find someone who thought I was good enough to come back to. To stick around for,” Buck rambles. “Because the better I was, the longer they stayed. Sometimes they were still there the next morning, up for another round or two before they left or kicked me out. And eventually it went from how quickly I could make someone come to seeing how long I could get them to stick around.”

“Was - was, uh, Arvan one of those people?” Eddie asks tentatively. Buck flinches violently, eyes widening.

“No, god,” he snorts. “He - he was at the station when I, um. Brought back an engine I stole. To hook up with someone from a dating app. Plus there were, uh. There were usually a lot of marks on me, and you know what our locker room is like.”

“Yeah, who the fuck decided glass walls were a good idea for where we change?” Eddie’s hand is on Buck’s knee, grounding and warm. Buck feels like a weight has been lifted, a heaviness just gone.

“I don’t think we’ll ever know,” Buck chuckles weakly. He scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hands, catching Eddie’s gaze.

“What changed for you? From what you’ve told me, you haven’t done the casual sex thing for a while now - since before we met,” Eddie asks.

“Abby,” Buck replies with a sigh. “But even her - that relationship was bad for me for other reasons. Replaced one harmful coping strategy with another.”

“How so?”

“Abby was - I don’t know. Bobby has used the word predatory since we broke up, but I - it never felt like that at the time. She was a dispatcher, she got my number from the system and called me -”

“She what?” Eddie snaps. “That’s - Buck, that’s illegal.”

“I know, Eddie,” Buck sighs, frustrated. “But she was the first person who wanted me because of who I was, not - not my abilities in the bedroom.”

“Someone who wanted you without knowing what you looked like.” Eddie’s voice is quiet, but Buck can hear the underlying anger. Bobby had been angry too, which had confused Buck at the time. He gets it now, though - how stupid it had been to date her. 

“Well, no. She’d seen me on the news, she knew what I looked like. But we just…talked, for ages before we met,” Buck continues. He doesn’t like to talk about Abby, it still stings a little. “I moved into her place not long after we started dating. Her mom was really sick, and Bobby said something to me about stepping into the mess with her rather than trying to find a way to fix things.”

“Replacing sex with jumping into a serious relationship,” Eddie adds. Buck nods and wonders if he’s revealed too much. Eddie had wanted introspection but probably hadn’t been expecting all of that. Probably doesn’t want Buck’s mess when he’s got a kid to look after.

“Her mom died and she bought a one-way ticket to Dublin, said she needed to find herself. I told her I’d wait for her,” Buck huffs. “She waited until I drove her to the airport to tell me that she wouldn’t be coming back. That I wasn’t - I wasn’t what she wanted for herself.”

“Bitch,” Eddie mutters. “She didn’t deserve you.”

“Eddie I was - I was a fucking wreck, and she -”

“Took advantage of you, Buck. She used you for her own needs and - look, you’ve got so much to offer. You stepped up for me and Chris when we barely knew each other,” Eddie murmurs. “I didn’t decide I wanted to be with you now instead of in six months because of the way you look - that’s an added bonus, for sure - but it was watching you with Chris, and seeing how you just…fit, here. With me. With us.”

“Not having sex has helped me realise how much I relied on it to feel like I was worth something,” Buck finally admits. “I’ve never felt like that with you. Without the…pressure, I guess, to perform - to be that person again - I feel like I’m finding myself. Figuring out who I really am.”

“For the record, the person you are is pretty fucking great,” Eddie tells him, sliding one hand around the back of Buck’s neck. He draws Buck in, resting their foreheads together and letting their breath mingle. Buck can smell the paprika and garlic on Eddie’s breath, momentarily mourning the dinner going cold on the table. Pasta is rarely as good reheated as it is fresh.

“Not as great as you,” Buck counters. “I’d ask if it bothers you that I want to wait longer, but I don’t think I need to.”

“My answer is the same as yours,” Eddie says. “So, today…”

“I know I shouldn’t let what other people think of me bother me, but I just - I’ve put legitimate work into changing myself, into being better. It pissed me off that Arvan still sees me as that reckless sex-obsessed kid. And Hen and Chim, for that matter,” Buck huffs. “I know they were just teasing, but it just -”

“I get it,” Eddie cuts in. “My parents - god, they hate Shannon. They had an opinion on everything we did, everything she said. They inserted themselves into every single aspect of our relationship. Before she got pregnant, I think they were just glad to see me with a woman. Because it meant I wasn’t gay - that I wasn’t a complete disappointment.”

“Jokes on them,” Buck snorts before slapping his hand over his mouth. Not really the right time for a joke.

“Exactly,” Eddie laughs. “We don’t talk much anymore.”

“Okay, I’m gonna use one of my questions now. If it weren’t for Christopher, would - do you think you’d cut contact with them?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie answers honestly. “I’d still have my sisters to think of. My abuela, my aunt. Cutting my parents off…it’d have a wider impact than just me not having to deal with their bigotry. As long as they’re not pushing that shit onto Chris, I just…deal with it.”

“That’s not fair,” Buck whispers. “You shouldn’t have to. Your parents are meant to love you - unconditionally. I mean, mine don’t. But you? I don’t get it.”

“It is what it is,” Eddie shrugs. “Would you cut yours off? Because I don’t get yours not loving you unconditionally either.”

“If it weren’t for Maddie, yeah. I would,” Buck answers. He doesn’t even have to think about it, really. It wouldn’t be hard - he never hears from them anyway. “She still wants to have a relationship with them and I refuse to put her in the middle of anything like that.”

“Yeah,” Eddie exhales. “Exactly.”

“We need to reheat the pasta,” Buck sighs, poking at the now room temperature tortellini.

“Go get comfy on the couch, I’ll chuck it in the microwave and bring it out.” Eddie takes Buck’s face into his hands and kisses him softly, twice, before pulling him in for a hug. Buck wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist and squeezes, holding on tight and letting the last of the tension in his body from the day bleed out.

“Thank you,” he mumbles into Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie responds by kissing Buck’s shoulder and pushing him towards the living room.

“Always,” he says.

–

Two weeks later Buck ambles down the loft stairs to where Eddie is plating up toast and scrambled eggs for the both of them, putting the plates on the table alongside two steaming mugs of coffee. His hair is tousled, his sweatpants are sitting low on his hips, and the shirt he borrowed from Buck to sleep in is loose around his biceps. The early morning light is making Eddie glow, and for the first time in a long time Buck doesn’t think ‘I have to find a way to make him stay’.

“You made me breakfast,” Buck murmurs, sliding his arms around Eddie’s waist from behind him. Eddie jumps a little and chuckles, tipping his head back to capture Buck’s mouth in a soft kiss. Buck slips a hand up underneath Eddie’s shirt dragging his fingertips across the firm muscles of Eddie’s abdomen. He wants in a way he’s never quite wanted before - in the past it’s been more of a desperate need, a cavernous ache that needed filling. But this slow burn sitting deep in his gut, being stoked by the way Eddie sighs and deepens their kiss - it’s so good, and it makes Buck feel so wholly desired.

“The eggs are gonna go cold,” Eddie hums, turning in Buck’s arms and sinking his hands into Buck’s hair. “Toast will be soggy.”

“Eggs can be reheated,” Buck whispers, lips brushing over Eddie’s ear. “And we can make new toast.”

“What exactly are you asking me for right now, Buck?”

“Come back to bed with me?” Buck takes a half-step back, keeping his hands on Eddie’s hips. Eddie grins and closes the gap between them, tugging Buck’s hair lightly as he teases Buck’s mouth open with his tongue.

“Yeah, shit,” Eddie laughs. “Gonna make you feel so good. Treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

“You already do,” Buck tells him as they slowly make their way over to the stairs.

“Oh sweetheart, I haven’t even begun to show you what I can do for you,” Eddie purrs, tugging his shirt off before grabbing the hem of Buck’s and shooting him a questioning glance. Buck nods enthusiastically, raising his arms so Eddie can remove the tank top and drop it to the ground.

By the time they reach the bed they’ve lost the last of their clothing and Buck’s entire body is tingling with anticipation. Eddie lays Buck down on the bed and god does he take his time with him - he’s got Buck writhing and whimpering for what feels like hours as he explores every single inch of Buck’s body with his mouth, making Buck completely fall apart and then methodically putting him back together. And while he definitely is not proud of who he was before, Buck is definitely proud of the way he’s got skills to make Eddie completely lose his ability to form coherent sentences somewhere around their second hour in bed. ‘This,’ Buck thinks, ‘this is what it’s supposed to be like’.

Chapter Text

“Hey, I’m gonna be like fifteen minutes late picking you up. Chris is sick and Shannon can’t take him, I gotta drop him at my abuela’s,” Eddie sighs over the phone one morning a couple of months later. Buck had woken up sick too - congested sinuses, scratchy throat, nose running like a tap. Nothing he couldn’t handle, nothing a couple of cold and flu tablets wouldn’t fix. He had planned to power through to not leave the team a man down (especially not with the bombings happening around the city and Bobby out of action for reasons Buck doesn’t quite understand) and then spend the next three days sleeping.

“We must have caught something at Delilah’s party over the weekend,” Buck groans, picking up the tissues that had missed the bin. “I knew that one kid didn’t have damn hayfever.”

“You’re sick too?”

“Nothing too bad. Is Chris okay?” Buck can hear Christopher’s chesty cough in the background which is answer enough.

“Low-grade fever, pretty nasty cough. He just needs a day or two in bed, you know?” Eddie seems to be speaking more to Chris than Buck now, making gentle hushing noises as Buck hears a car door close.

“Sore throat?” Buck asks, because his is getting worse every time he swallows. He’ll have to ask Eddie to stop at a pharmacy on their way to the station so he can grab some of those numbing lozenges.

“Nothing some tea won’t sort out,” Eddie hums. “Are you okay to work? Maybe you should take the day off.”

“I’ll be fine,” Buck insists as a hacking cough takes over.

“Or,” Eddie chuckles. “You could come here and hang out with Chris - rest and watch movies, not spread your illness to the whole station and every person we come in contact with.”

“W-wait, you want to leave Chris with me all day?” They haven’t done this, Buck hasn’t had Chris on his own before. He and Eddie had taken Christopher to the party together - Buck had felt absolutely tickled pink over being included in something so domestic, but this feels different. This suggests a level of trust that kind of terrifies Buck.

“Only if that’s okay with you,” Eddie adds in a rush. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume you’d want that.”

“No, I do,” Buck assures him. “That - yeah, I could do that.”

“Perfect,” Eddie sighs. “I wasn’t totally okay with risking giving Abuela this cold. Do you need me to come pick you up?”

“I’ll come to you,” Buck replies. “I’ll swing by the pharmacy, does Chris need anything?”

“Nah, I keep the medicine cabinet pretty well stocked. I’ve got cold and flu tablets, lozenges, tea…pretty much everything. Just bring yourself,” Eddie tells him. Buck can’t lie - the idea of spending the day at Eddie’s house with Christopher, wrapped up in blankets that smell like Eddie, in the house where he’s felt more at home than any other place he’s ever lived is a better medicine than anything in Eddie’s cabinet or that he could pick up at the store.

“I’ll pick up some of those muffins Chris likes - is he feeling up to eating, do you think?”

“He didn’t want cereal or toast this morning, nor did he want the soup I made for lunch but I’m sure if you bring him muffins he’ll suddenly get his appetite back,” Eddie laughs.

“To be fair, good pastries make me feel better too,” Buck counters. Eddie snorts down the line, and Buck hears Christopher asking for the triple chocolate muffins in the background. “Tell him I’ll get him the triple chocolate and the apple cinnamon.”

“You’re spoiling him,” Eddie warns teasingly.

“Always,” Buck grins. “I’m leaving now, I’ll see you soon.”

“Can I have a hot chocolate too?” Christopher’s voice is closer now, clearly congested.

“Dios,” Eddie mutters. “Yes, you can have a hot chocolate too.”

“Now who’s spoiling him?” Buck snorts. Eddie grumbles something about Buck starting it and hangs up the phone. Before he leaves, Buck calls Chimney who seems more shocked than anything else.

“Do I need to come check on you? You must be pretty sick to actually be taking a day off, Buck. You’ve got me a little worried here,” Chimney says. 

“I’m okay, really. Nothing dire,” Buck promises. “But Chris is sick too, so I’m helping Eddie hang onto his PTO for some appointments Chris has coming up. We’ll be sick and miserable together watching Pixar movies.”

“Never thought I’d see the day when you willingly took time off,” Chimney laughs. “Though I’m not surprised that it’s Eddie who finally got you to actually look after yourself.”

“Shocking how finding someone that gets you out of bed in the morning can convince you to take care of yourself,” Buck goads.

“Gross, Buckley,” Chim huffs. “Happy for you, though. Don’t come back until you won’t infect us all.”

“You got it, boss man,” Buck laughs. He’s sure that if Chimney were standing in front of him right now, he’d be flipping him off. Buck barely has the energy to make it down the stairs, but he grabs an energy drink from the fridge and trudges down to the car. He hopes he can convince Christopher to nap for an hour. Maybe three or four.

–

Buck and Christopher make it through the first two Toy Story movies before they doze off on the couch together. Buck wakes enough to carry Christopher to his bed before tucking himself into Eddie’s, allowing himself to fall back to sleep. He’s woken by his phone ringing long after the sun has set, answering it quickly to avoid waking Chris.

“H’lo,” he mumbles, throat burning as he speaks.

“Please tell me you’re not at work today,” comes Maddie’s frantic voice. Buck drags himself into a seated position, slumping against the headboard.

“No, I’m home sick with Christopher today,” he replies. “Why?”

“You haven’t seen the news,” is all Maddie says. “Is - Eddie’s at work?”

“Yes,” Buck replies slowly. “Maddie, wh-what’s going on? What are you not telling me?”

“Buck, there’s been - something’s happened, the bombings -”

“Maddie,” Buck says firmly.

“One of the ladder trucks, it - it blew up, Buck. There’s a firefighter trapped under it, I don’t - I thought it was you, at first,” Maddie breathes. “There are news crews there, but I couldn’t see - I didn’t know if you were there, if you were safe.”

“I’m safe, I’m at Eddie’s. Can you see him?” Buck demands. “Tell me it’s not Eddie under the truck, Maddie.”

“It’s not Eddie,” Maddie confirms. “I don’t know who it is, but it’s definitely a 118 truck.”

“Okay,” Buck breathes. “Okay, I - I need to call him.”

“Buck, he’s -”

“I’ll call you later,” Buck interrupts, and ends the call. He calls Eddie, dragging himself out of bed to check on Christopher. He’s still sleeping, congested snores filling the room.

“Buck, I’m okay,” Eddie says when he picks up the call. “It’s over, the bomber is in custody.”

“Who was under the truck, Eddie?” Buck demands quietly, stepping into the kitchen to reheat some soup. He needs to get some fucking calories in if he’s got any hope of fighting off this cold.

“It was Sanders,” Eddie tells him. “He was -”

“Covering me,” Buck whispers. “Fuck, Eddie.”

“He’s alive, Buck,” Eddie reassures him. “They just left in the ambulance. I’ve gotta head back to the station to shower and change, I’ll be home soon. You guys doing alright?”

“Chris is sleeping, I just woke up,” Buck mumbles. “Just reheating some soup.”

“Oh god, don’t do that. I’m a shit cook, I’ll pick something up on my way home. Don’t need you getting food poisoning on top of the cold,” Eddie blurts out. “That deli near the station should still be open, you want the pumpkin?”

“You were gonna feed Chris that soup,” Buck accuses weakly. “You trying to give your kid food poisoning?”

“I was being facetious, Buck,” Eddie chuckles. “It’s not rotten, it’s just bad. I completely oversalted it and the vegetables didn’t cook all the way through.”

“Probably didn’t cut them small enough,” Buck says. “But yes, pumpkin please.”

“Okay,” Eddie sighs. “I’ll be home soon.”

“Be safe,” Buck says. ‘I love you,’ he thinks.

“I love you,” Eddie murmurs. “I - fuck, I’m really glad you weren’t at work today.”

“I love you too,” Buck laughs. “If - if I’d been there today -”

“You would have been the one trapped under the truck, and I’d be with you in the back of an ambulance desperately trying not to cry in front of my coworkers and wondering whether or not you were going to lose your leg,” Eddie tells him firmly. “Try not to spiral. I have one of my questions for you when I get home. Go back to bed, I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay,” Buck mumbles. “I won’t spiral.”

“You will,” Eddie argues. “But I’ll be home to stop it soon.”

Eddie’s home forty minutes later. Buck hears him move around the house - into the kitchen, into Christopher’s room, back out to the living room, then into the bedroom where Buck has dragged himself back out of bed.

Valiantly, Buck has been trying not to spiral. There’s a battle raging in his head - logically, he knows he’s not directly responsible for Sanders getting pinned underneath the ladder truck. That fault lies with the person who planted the bomb. But Buck keeps getting stuck on the ‘what ifs’ - what if Buck had sucked it up and gone to work today (it would have been him under the truck instead of Sanders, who has a wife and four kids at home), what if Eddie had been the one sitting in that spot in the truck (Buck would be sitting in a hospital waiting room with Christopher right now, probably waiting to hear where or not Eddie was going to lose his leg), what if -

“They didn’t have plain pumpkin soup, I hope Tuscan pumpkin is okay,” Eddie tells him quietly, kissing his forehead. “They had fresh sourdough, though. Got a whole loaf and some of their deli meats, figured we could make toasted sandwiches for breakfast in the morning.”

“Eddie,” Buck murmurs. “Sanders - I -”

“You would be the one in surgery right now if you had made it into work today,” Eddie replies, voice firm. “You’re thinking of all the ‘what ifs’, right? What if you’d forced yourself in today? What if Bobby was there and I’d been in the truck instead of the ambulance?”

“You know me too well,” Buck huffs, eyes on the wall behind Eddie’s head. “Sanders has a wife and four kids, Eddie.”

“And you’ve got me and Chris,” Eddie argues. “Chris needed you here today - I needed you here you today. You were exactly where you were supposed to be.”

“You could have taken him to your abuela,” Buck counters weakly.

“Alright, let's say I did that. What if she’d caught his cold? She’s old, Buck. That cold could easily have turned into pneumonia for her. Landed her in hospital, maybe killed her. Would that be better?”

“Eddie,” Buck breathes. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I’m sorry, I thought we were playing ‘What If’. We should probably explore all probabilities, I could keep going,” Eddie prods. “Or I could just ask you my question.”

“Ask your question,” Buck whispers. Buck can hear Toy Story 3 playing in the living room and thinks they should probably head out soon to stop Christopher getting emotionally traumatised.

“Do you honestly believe that Sanders getting hurt is your fault?”

“I mean - no, it’s the asshole who planted it,” Buck starts.

“Freddie Costas,” Eddie interjects.

“Freddie - the kid from the pizza place? The one whose dad burnt the building down for the insurance money?” Buck sputters. “He’s - he’s just a kid.”

“That’s the one,” Eddie affirms. “So you agree Freddie is responsible, not you. Where’s the guilt coming from, Buck? You were here where I needed you today.”

“I made a choice that could have ended someone’s life. I chose to stay at home and Sanders could lose his fucking leg,” Buck snaps.

“We have to make choices that could end someone’s life every day, Buck,” Eddie murmurs, placing both of his hands on Buck’s shoulders and squeezing. “Sanders will live. There’s no guarantee you would have if you’d been the one sitting in that seat. You’d rather I’d been standing outside the barriers, watching you stuck under that truck screaming for help? Standing there not able to do a single fucking thing to help you? Have it be me sitting in a hospital waiting room right now not knowing what’s going to happen to you?”

“Of course not,” Buck answers emphatically. “I just -”

“I get it,” Eddie chuckles weakly. “You’re the guy who fixes things. But some things can’t be fixed. And sometimes the choices we make don’t go the way we planned - but there’s nothing that can be done to undo what’s already happened. We’re here, we’re alive. Now let's go eat soup and cry over some animated toys, yeah?”

“Only if we can split our soups. What did you get?”

“Broccoli cheddar for me, chicken noodle for Chris.” Eddie pulls Buck in for a hug, sliding his fingers through the short hairs at the base of Buck’s neck. “We can split, but Christopher already sneezed into his so I’m not touching it.”

“I love you,” Buck hums. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Love you too,” Eddie sighs. “Thanks for being here for Chris today. I know you’re probably going to feel guilty about this for a while, but know that I am incredibly grateful.”

“Dad, your soup is going cold!” Christopher yells from the living room. Buck huffs into Eddie’s shoulder and steps back, allowing Eddie to tug him out to the couch. He may still feel guilty over Sanders getting injured while covering his shift, but he can’t deny that he’s really fucking glad to be curled up on the couch with Eddie and Chris. Even if he is crying uncontrollably over animated toys.

–

Buck’s never taking another day off work in his life. It’s one thing to have that choice lead to someone losing their leg (Sanders’ leg had needing amputating below the knee - Buck thinks he’ll feel at least some level of guilt over that for the rest of his life), but it’s another thing entirely for that choice to land him and Christopher in the middle of a fucking tsunami.

A day out, just the two of them, had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Buck had booked this day of PTO weeks ago when Eddie had told him Christopher’s school was having a professional development day for the teachers. Eddie had lamented that Shannon would be out of town and that he was still trying to hang onto his own PTO for Christopher’s appointments, so Buck had offered to take the day off to hang out with Chris.

“You sure?” Eddie had teased at the time. “Wouldn’t want you taking a day off to mean Chimney losing a finger.”

“Eddie,” Buck gasped. “Don’t speak that shit into the universe, you’ll jinx me.”

“Well then it’s a good thing jinxes don’t exist,” Eddie had murmured before kissing the tip of Buck’s nose. Buck had grumbled about Eddie giving him shit when he’s trying to do a nice thing, Eddie had laughed and pulled Buck into the bedroom, and that had been the end of that particular conversation.

Now, huddled on the roof of a fire engine for the last two hours with Christopher bleeding from a gash on his head, Buck believes jinxes are real. He’s taken off the open button-down he’d been wearing it, holding it to the wound on the back of Chris’ head. Chris is alert - he’s talking and in surprisingly good spirits given that they both almost fucking drowned.

“I spy,” Chris says, tipping his head back and squinting, “with my little eye, something that is…yellow.”

“Try to keep your head still, buddy,” Buck murmurs. “I gotta keep my shirt here until the water goes down a bit and we can move.”

“Something yellow, Buck,” Christopher tells him again. Buck can’t help but laugh, because if he doesn’t he’ll cry. Christopher’s endless optimism, when Buck is feeling the most hopeless he thinks he ever has, is infectious.

“Okay, something yellow. Is it…the flowers on that roof over there?”

“No,” Christopher giggles.

“Hmm, is it the bricks on that building?” Buck points over to the left as he notices bodies floating towards them, directing Christopher’s attention as far away as possible.

“No,” Chris tells him, shaking his head.

“Head still, Chris,” Buck reminds him. “Um…those lights hanging between the street lamps?”

“Yes!” Christopher exclaims. Buck and Christopher have looked at those lights before - there was a night a few weeks ago when the three of them had come to the pier for ice-cream, and Christopher had asked why they hung extra lights between the street lamps. He’d told Buck and Eddie that bright lights were confusing for turtles, and had wondered if they could talk to someone about taking them down.

“I’ll try to remember to figure out who to contact later about taking the lights down for the turtles,” Buck promises Christoper. “When we’re back at your house.”

“Why don’t you live with us yet?” Chris asks, and Buck freezes.

“Uh, it’s - I -”

“I want you to live with us,” Chris continues. “Dad’s happier when you’re there. And the food is better.”

“Hey, your dad is trying to be a better cook,” Buck argues. “And he’s always happy when he’s with you.”

“He’s more happy when you’re there,” Christopher sighs. Buck’s happier when he’s with Eddie and Chris too - infinitely happier, more than he ever thought he could be. Living with them - well, it would be everything Buck’s been searching for his whole life.

“It’s not up to me, buddy,” Buck tells him gently. “It’s yours and your dads house.”

“But do you want to live with us?” Chris asks. It’s a weird line, one that Buck’s not sure he should cross. But given the situation they’re currently in, Buck thinks Eddie would understand.

“Yeah, Chris. I’d love to live with you guys,” Buck assures him. He looks around, desperate to find a way to move. He thinks the cut on Christopher’s head has mostly stopped bleeding and wonders if he’d be able to manage swimming with Chris across to the awning on the shop half a block down.

“Buck, can we go home now? I can swim,” Christopher tells him earnestly. “I’m a good swimmer now, Mom takes me to lessons.”

“Oh I know you are, you almost beat me when we raced at the pool last week!” Buck enthuses, eyes scanning to potential escape routes. He’s pretty confident he can make it to the awning. “Okay, we’re - we’re gonna swim. But I need you to hang onto my back, alright? I know you can swim super well, but this water is different to the water at the beach or the pool. There’s a lot of stuff under the surface that we can’t see, so you need to hold really tight onto my shoulders and kick when I tell you to, okay?”

“Okay, Buck,” Chris nods. He climbs onto Buck’s back and clings as Buck slides down into the water, swimming across to the awning. He hauls them up and looks for their next safe spot. This carries on for about half an hour - he has to move slowly and take extra care to keep Christopher’s head above water. They’re fine - they’re fine, until Buck realises that the water is receding and doesn’t react fast enough. Buck’s got Christopher almost up on a ledge, one hand on Christopher’s back to steady him while he hangs onto the ledge ready to haul himself up when the water starts moving fast. His arm catches on a large piece of debris that’s floating past and he’s ripped from the ledge, slipping underneath the water and slamming against a wall. The pain in his shoulder is sudden and white-hot, and Buck barely manages to stop himself from inhaling a mouthful of flood water. 

Christopher is screaming his name when Buck manages to fight his way to the surface, grabbing onto the opposite end of the ledge with his uninjured arm. His shoulder is definitely dislocated - Buck needs to find a wall he can use to pop it back in. Chris needs him to be okay, he has to be okay.

“I’m here,” Buck yells. “I’m here, I’m okay. Don’t move - s-stay right there Superman, I need to wait for the water to stop moving again then I’ll come back down to you.”

“I’ll stay,” Christopher promises him. “I’m hungry.”

“I know, buddy. We need to find a hospital,” Buck winces, taking a deep breath through his nose and attempting to ignore the pain in his shoulder. “Maybe they’ll have some snacks we can grab until we get home and I can make pizza for dinner, yeah? Your dad should be home around dinner time, I reckon we can beat him.”

“Does Dad know where we are?”

“I don’t think so,” Buck answers honestly. “But he’d be really busy today, lots of people who need help. We’ll make it home safe and sound before him, I’m sure of it.”

“Buck,” Christopher says so quietly that Buck almost doesn’t hear it. “I think we need help.”

“Yeah,” Buck replies. “We’re gonna go find it, buddy.” The water’s gone down enough now that Buck can drop down to the ground - it’s too far for Christopher to jump, but Buck thinks it’s not so far that he can’t make it safely. His ankle rolls when he hits the ground and he falls, his injured shoulder jarring against the wall of the building. Buck’s not able to hold back his yelp of pain, tears welling hot in his eyes as he grips his arm and struggles to his feet. His ankle isn't broken, he doesn’t think, likely just sprained. Getting Chris to a hospital just became significantly more difficult.

“Are you okay?” Chris asks. Buck’s decidedly not okay, but he’s not about to let Christopher know that - he’s counting on Buck. Eddie is counting on Buck, and he’s already failed both of them. Christopher was meant to be safe with him, but now he’s injured and stranded. Buck feels like a fucking failure.

“I’m okay,” Buck lies through gritted teeth. He limps down to underneath where Christopher is - there’s a car that Buck could easily pull himself up onto if he wasn’t injured to get Christopher down. He does manage to get himself up onto the roof of the car, slowly and painfully. He reaches out for Christopher who slides over, dangling his legs off the edge.

“Are you gonna catch me?” Chris asks anxiously, peering over the edge down to where Buck is reaching out to him with his good arm. It’s risky - it’s stupid, really, because Christopher already has a head injury and Buck absolutely cannot risk dropping him. But it’s the only way for them to keep moving.

“Always,” Buck promises him. “I’ll always be here to catch you.” He steadies himself as best he can as Christopher wriggles forward, grabbing one of his legs and tugging him over the ledge. Buck stumbles a little as Chris drops into his arms and slips out of his grasp. He doesn’t fall far, but he does slip down to the hood of the car with a thunk.

“Chris,” Buck gasps. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. Are you alright? Did you hit your head?”

“I’m alright. I didn’t hit my head,” Christopher replies, sitting up. Buck sits down and slides off the roof of the car, stumbling again and steadying himself with his uninjured arm. He limps around to Chris, checking him over. There are no more visible injuries than there had been a few minutes ago, but Buck is still panicking.

“We gotta get to a hospital,” he repeats. “Do you think you can walk for a little bit?”

“I think so,” Chris tells him. Buck helps him down onto the ground and looks around them. They’re not far from a hospital - maybe a couple of blocks, but Buck can already see that the most direct route is out. The street is littered with debris that he could climb over if he had the use of both of his arms, hauling Chris with him. Buck thinks that he might be able to manage it, even with a sprained ankle, but only if he’s able to pop his shoulder back into place.

“Alright bud, wait right here with your hand on the car,” Buck instructs Christopher. “I need to check something over here real quick. Don’t move unless I tell you to, okay?”

“Okay, Buck,” Chris mumbles. He’s unsteady on his feet - more than usual.

“Chris, if you did hit your head on the car you know you can tell me, right? I need to know so that I can make sure you’re not more hurt,” Buck tells him. He’s going to need to watch Chris for signs of a concussion now.

“I didn’t hit my head,” Christopher insists. “I didn’t fall far.”

“I know,” Buck breathes, a fresh wave of nausea from the pain washing over him. “Just promise you’ll tell me if you start to feel sick or dizzy, okay?”

“Okay, Buck. I promise.” Christopher’s expression is determined and he waits patiently with one hand on the car as Buck heads over to the wall to pop his shoulder back into place. This isn’t the first time he’s dislocated this arm and it likely won’t be the last. He’s popped it back into place on his own before, when he’d been too far from a hospital (and too broke to go to one anyway). Buck goes through the usual motions, biting down on his bottom lip to stifle a scream as he pops his arm back into place.

It’s wrong - he’s done it wrong, the pain is worse, and he’s going to need medical attention fairly urgently. Buck’s also not convinced that Christopher didn’t hit his head when he fell - he might be lying to Buck so he doesn’t worry (kind of like Buck is doing right now). This means climbing over the debris isn’t an option - Buck isn’t going to be able to use his arm, his ankle is throbbing, and Christopher seems to be struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Okay, let’s get moving,” Buck pants, stumbling back over to the car. “We can try going down this street and coming up behind the hospital. You tell me if you need to stop and take a break, yeah?”

“I will,” Chris murmurs, taking Buck’s hand and walking slowly next to him. They have to stop a few times - more for Buck than for Chris, who is a fucking trooper. Buck would carry him if he could, try to shelter him from the wreckage around them as they trudge slowly towards the hospital.

“How’re you doing?” Buck asks when they stop around four blocks from the hospital.

“I’m tired,” Christopher yawns. Buck studies his face carefully - he’s a little pale and his hands are shaking, his eyelids drooping. Clear signs of a concussion.

“Feeling dizzy or sick? How’s your head?”

“Sore,” Chris tells him. Bare minimum the kid’s going to need the wound flushed and stitched - he’d surfaced after the wave hit with the cut on his head. “Not dizzy or sick. Just tired.”

“Tell me if that changes,” Buck says again. He’ll figure out a way to carry Chris if he needs to, he’ll get him home safe to Eddie (who is probably never going to be able to look Buck in the eye again after today). They keep moving, and once they turn the corner Buck spots a tent with people handing out bottles of water.

“I’m thirsty,” Christopher says, tugging on Buck’s hand. They’re not far from the hospital now and could probably keep moving until they reach it, get some water there. But if Buck can get some water to flush out the cut on Christopher’s head before they reach the hospital, it might help reduce the risk of infection (however marginally). They reach the tent a few minutes later, a volunteer smiling at them apologetically. Her name tag reads Suriya.

“We’ve just got the one water bottle left,” she tells them. “Vicky’s off on a supply run, she should be back in the next fifteen minutes if you want to wait?”

“No, we’re heading for UCLA,” Buck croaks. “He’s got a cut on his head that needs to be looked at.”

“Oh, honey,” Suriya says. “UCLA is turning people away unless their injuries are life-threatening. Your best bet is to head for the VA, I heard they’ve set up a temporary emergency care centre there. Lots of first responders who can help you. It’s a block closer, I think.”

“Firefighters?” Chris asks, perking up. Suriya nods, passing over a warm bottle of water with a sympathetic smile.

“Do you have any idea which stations are there?” Buck asks, twisting the cap off the bottle. “Head forwards for me, Chris. This might sting a little.” Chris tips his head forward and Buck carefully pours half of the water over the cut. It’s not bleeding anymore, but Buck wants to get it cleaned and covered as best he can. He can see a box with gauze and non-stick padding behind Suriya,

“No, but - hey Trev!” A volunteer directing people north turns his head, jogging back over. “You were just at the VA, do you know which fire stations were there?”

“Uh, I think I saw a truck for the 43, the 15, and the 118,” the guy says. Buck sways on his feet a little, gripping the folding table in front of him.

“Dad!” Chris exclaims, tugging on Buck’s hand. “Buck, we can go find Dad.”

“Is your dad a firefighter?” Trev asks, crouching down to speak to Christopher who nods (a little too enthusiastically).

“Buck is too,” he says as Buck gently holds his head still with one hand.

“Can I have some of those bandages and a roll of gauze, please?” Buck asks. Suriya passes him what he needs and Buck makes quick work of covering up Christopher’s wound, securing the gauze with a tight knot.

“Drink this,” Buck murmurs, passing Chris the bottle. “All of it. Slowly.”

“Well aren’t you lucky,” Trev chuckles, offering Chris a fistbump. “Two firefighter dads!”

“Oh, I’m not -”

“Buck is Dad’s boyfriend,” Chris explains easily, sipping on the water. It’s not the first time someone has assumed that Buck is Christopher’s father, but Buck thinks it might be the last. There’s no way Eddie is letting Buck anywhere near Chris again after today - not now that Buck has let him get hurt under his watch.

“Ah,” Trev hums. “Well, I’m sure Buck will get you back to your dad safe and sound. The VA is three blocks that way. What’s Dad’s name?”

“Eddie,” Chris answers. Trev’s nice and just trying to help, but Buck is desperate to keep moving.

“I remember speaking to an Eddie,” Trev says. “He’ll be happy to see you.” Buck’s not so sure about that.

–

By the time they make it to the VA Buck is barely able to move, and Christopher is leaning heavily against his side. There are dozens of people bustling around them, people on stretcher beds, and a tent off to the side lined with body bags. Buck turns Chris so he doesn’t see them, scanning the crowd for -

“Buck? What - Chris, what are you guys doing here?” Eddie’s voice behind them startles Buck and perks Chris up immediately.

“Dad!” Chris launches himself into Eddie’s arms, clinging tight. Without his grounding presence Buck is close to collapsing, holding himself together in a way that is probably not very convincing.

“He’s - w-we were on the pier,” Buck stammers. “He’s got a cut - I flushed it out, b-but he’s - Eddie, he needs a doctor.”

“The pier?” Eddie whispers. “God, Buck, are - are you guys okay?”

“G-get him checked, Eddie, please,” Buck begs. “He - he needs stitches, probably antibiotics too. Th-the flood water - he might have a concussion, h-he slipped -”

“Okay, alright, I’ve got him,” Eddie placates. “What about you? You’re holding your arm - jesus, Buck. You look like hell.”

“I’m fine,” Buck lies. “I’ll find someone.”

“Buck -”

“Please, Eddie,” Buck insists. Eddie’s holding Chris in his arms now, carefully checking him over. He flicks his eyes over Buck and steps away, glancing around. “He might have hit his head after the cut, he needs a scan.”

“Hen!” Eddie yells out. “Can you come and check Buck over? I need to find a doctor for Chris.” Hen jogs over, eyes widening as she takes in the way Buck is gripping his arm and favouring one leg.

“What happened to you guys?” Hen places a gentle hand on his cheek as Buck shakes his head. Nothing matters until he knows Chris will be okay, he doesn’t matter until Chris is okay. 

“Okay, Buck, I’m going to take Chris inside. Promise me you’ll let Hen check you out properly, okay? I’ve got him,” Eddie promises. Buck nods weakly and waits until Eddie and Chris disappear from his line of sight before he turns back to Hen.

“I dislocated my shoulder,” he groans. “Rolled my ankle. I - I couldn’t keep him safe.”

“Honey, it looks to me like you did exactly that. You got him here, he’s alive,” Hen soothes. “You, on the other hand, need help. Urgently.”

“I j-just -” Buck doesn’t remember much after that - Hen shouting his name, everything spinning around him, and then - nothing.

–

When Buck wakes up the first thing he notices is the amount of noise in the room - people crying, shouts for assistance, monitors beeping, and people running back and forth. He’s on a bed and has a line in his arm - he spots the IV bag pumping him full of fluids.

“You were severely dehydrated,” comes Eddie’s voice to his left. Buck turns his head - Eddie looks exhausted and stressed as he leans forward in his chair.

“Christopher,” Buck gasps, shooting up in a panic.

“Right here,” Eddie tells him, moving his chair. Chris is asleep on a stretcher bed, curled up under a blanket. The gauze and padding Buck had used was gone, and the skin on his face is clean. “All stitched up. He’s fine.”

“Eddie,” Buck starts. “Eddie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Eddie asks incredulously. He drags his chair over so he’s directly next to Buck’s bed, grasping his hand.

“Chris got hurt,” Buck replies weakly. “I was meant to look after him.”

“And what, you think you failed?” Eddie balks. “I’ve failed that kid more times than I can count.”

“He was meant to be safe with me,” Buck whispers. “And now –”

“And now he’s alive,” Eddie says insistently. “You - you are injured far worse than he is, and you got him back to me with just a cut on his head.”

“I’m fine,” Buck mutters. Eddie rolls his eyes and stands, beckoning over a nearby doctor.

“You absolutely are not,” Eddie sighs. “Dislocated shoulder that you seem to have very poorly popped back into place, what looks like a sprained ankle, severe dehydration, god knows what else.”

“I had to get him to safety,” Buck whispers. The doctor checks his pupils and fiddles with the IV before turning to him with her arms crossed.

“And you did,” Eddie counters. “He’s here. He’s safe. Now can you please let us help you?”

“Fine, I’ll go home and rest,” Buck grumbles. The doctor rolls her eyes, sighing heavily. 

“You need to go to the hospital,” she says. “I can’t fix your shoulder here, not without potentially causing permanent damage. You’re going to need x-rays and plenty of rest.”

“It doesn’t even hurt anymore,” Buck replies petulantly. Eddie sighs next to him and starts to rouse Chris, probably getting ready to leave. It’s nice, Buck thinks, that he at least waited for Buck to wake up before he took Chris away from him forever.

“That would be the muscle relaxers they’ve got you on,” Eddie tells him. “Come on, we’re going to the hospital. You said Chris needs a CT scan, and you need x-rays. Hen is ready to take us to Cedars.”

“But I -”

“Non-negotiable,” Eddie murmurs softly, placing a gentle hand on the back of Buck’s neck and pressing a kiss to his lips. “You want Chris to go, you gotta come too.”

“O-okay,” Buck concedes. “Okay, I’ll come with you.”

“Good. I’ve got some notes from the doctors here and I’m already under strict instructions to monitor you for the next forty-eight hours minimum,” Eddie prattles on as the doctor removes the needle from Buck’s arm and slaps on a band-aid. “You’ll stay with us until you’re better, understood?”

“I - why?” Buck stammers. How can Eddie still want him around Chris?

“Because I love you?” Eddie answers, seeming confused. “Do you not want to stay with us?”

“N-no, of course I do. But Chris -”

“Is alive because of you. You pushed through pain and not insignificant injury to make sure he stayed safe. A cut on the back of the head is nothing compared to what would have happened to him today if it had been anyone but you with him,” Eddie tells him firmly. “You know if you hadn’t taken the day off today to be with him my abuela would have taken him to the pier instead?”

“Oh,” Buck breathes.

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs. “Can we go? Those meds will wear off soon and you’ll want to be in a hospital when that happens. They’ve got the good drugs.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that?” Buck chuckles weakly, melting as Eddie slips an arm around his waist and eases him up off the bed. He waits until Buck is steady on his feet before picking Christopher up, balancing him on one hip before returning his other arm to Buck’s waist and leading him outside.

–

They’re at the hospital for a good few hours before Buck is released with codeine and strict instructions to ice his shoulder for the next two to three days. 

Chris is given the all clear - no concussion, no head injury beyond the cut. He’s asleep in Eddie’s arms as they walk out to the parking lot to wait for their Uber back to Eddie’s house. They don’t speak, and Buck can feel the weight of the silence blanketing them. There’s an ugly voice in the back of his head telling him that Eddie is just biding his time, waiting until Buck is recovered to break it off.

“What’s one thing you’d change about me if you could?” Buck asks, eyes trained on the carpark entrance.

“Is that one of your questions?” Eddie’s voice is quiet, and out of the corner of his eye Buck can see Eddie looking at him. Buck nods. “The way you see yourself.”

“Yeah,” Buck mumbles. “I wish I could change that too.”

“Guess I’m just gonna have to work harder to make you see yourself the way I see you, then,” Eddie hums, leaning in to press a comforting kiss to Buck’s temple as their car pulls up. “Because I fucking love you, okay? I know you blame yourself for what happened today, but there’s no-one in the world I trust with my son more than you. Especially after today.”

“I love you too,” Buck whispers, tugging Eddie in for a kiss wet with tears before he stands to get into the car. “I’d change the same about you, you know.”

“Guess we’ve both got our work cut out for us then,” Eddie chuckles. They slide into the car, Christopher rousing between them as they pull out of the parking lot. 

“Dad? Can Buck move in with us?” Chris yawns, blinking up at his dad. Eddie huffs out a laugh and looks over at Buck, shrugging one shoulder. 

“Can you?” 

“Uh. I mean, it is a thing that’s physically possible, yes,” Buck replies.

“Will you move in with us?” Eddie corrects with an eye roll. Chris turns to look at him as well, a tired but bright smile on his face. In this moment, Buck doesn’t feel worthy of the hope in both of their eyes. But he’s too tired to fight against his own hope, his own burning need to belong. 

“Yes,” Buck whispers. “Please.” Eddie grins and reaches over, resting his hand on the back of Buck’s neck and squeezing lightly. 

“Good,” Eddie hums. “Been meaning to ask you for a while.”

“Chris asked me today why I don’t live with you guys yet. I didn’t know how to answer him,” Buck admits. “Haven’t actually been at the loft in like two months.”

“Because it’s not your home,” Eddie murmurs. “We are.”

“I know,” Buck says, grinning at Chris. The ride home takes longer than usual - there are a lot of streets they need to avoid. Christopher is asleep again by the time the Uber pulls up out front, Eddie carrying him with one arm while keeping the other around Buck’s waist. 

“Sit,” Eddie tells him gently. “I’m gonna give Chris a shower and get him to bed. You’re due for some pain meds in like an hour, think you can stay up until then? You’ll need to eat with them.”

“I think so, yeah,” Buck yawns, his jaw cracking. Eddie snorts as Buck gently lowers himself onto the couch and tugs the fluffy green blanket down over his lap. 

“I’ll wake you if you pass out,” Eddie says, making his way down the hall with Christopher still asleep in his arms. Buck manages to stay awake long enough to hear the shower turn on before the exhaustion from the day pulls him under. 

He wakes later to an ice pack on his shoulder and  Eddie kissing him, squeezing his good shoulder and tugging him up and towards the bathroom. 

“I’m filthy,” Buck mumbles as Eddie removes his clothes and turns the shower on, carefully manhandling him into the small space. 

“I’d join you, but the last thing I want to do right now is risk you getting injured further,” Eddie murmurs. “I’m gonna go make you a sandwich so you can take your codeine before we go to bed.”

“I love it when you take care of me,” Buck sighs, stepping under the hot spray. “Thank you.”

“Literally the least I can do after the day you’ve had,” Eddie chuckles. “Shower. I’ll be right back.”

“I love you,” Buck calls out as Eddie walks away.

“Love you too,” Eddie calls back. Buck stands under the running water, watching as the dirt and grime he was sure would stay caked on him forever run down his body and into the drain. Soaping himself up is a slow process with only one arm fully functional, and the painkillers he was given at the hospital are starting to wear off. The pain is sharp by the time he makes it to the bedroom - their bedroom - and finds Eddie setting pillows up against the headboard. 

“You don’t have to -”

“Shut up,” Eddie huffs. He removes the towel from around Buck’s waist and gently dries him off, helping him into sweats and a loose button-down. Buck stays quiet as Eddie guides him into the bed and hands him a grilled cheese sandwich. It’s not until Buck takes a bite that he realises just how hungry he is - and realises that Eddie has used the fancy cheese they bought the day before.

“You used the good cheese,” Buck mumbles around his mouthful. “And put green apple on it?”

“And honey,” Eddie smirks. “Like the video you sent the other day.”

“I love you,” Buck says earnestly, gently settling himself back against the cushions. 

“You said that already,” Eddie smiles, climbing in next to him.

“I’m saying it again,” Buck huffs. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Eddie laughs. “A ridiculous amount. Now eat and take your pills, you need sleep.” Buck polishes off the sandwich, takes his pain pills, and settles himself back against the pillows. He’s confused as Eddie does the same, because surely Eddie wants to sleep?

“You’re not sleeping yet?”

“If you’re sleeping sitting up then so am I. Solidarity,” Eddie shrugs. “Also this way if you tip to the side in your sleep you’ll land against me and not on top of me.”

“Oh,” Buck breathes. He’s not sure why it’s this specifically that does it but he’s crying now - he almost fucking died today, almost lost Christopher. And Eddie is right here next to him taking care of the little things Buck wouldn’t even have thought of, extra things to make sure Buck is comfortable. 

“Hey,” Eddie murmurs, taking Buck’s hand into his own and squeezing reassuringly. “I’m here, I’ve got you. Do you want to talk about what happened today?”

“Not yet,” Buck replies, scrubbing his eyes. “Just need to sleep.”

“Okay,” Eddie answers softly. “Are you good?”

“I’m good,” Buck smiles, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “I’m good.”

—

Buck is not good. Eddie is buried under forty feet of mud and Buck is very much not good. There’s dirt caked under his fingernails and grazes covering his hands from where he’d tried to dig through to Eddie himself before Bobby pulled him back. He’s inside the house now, frantically trying to come up with something to do. Something, anything to bring Eddie back up to him. 

“You all think he’s already dead,” Buck snaps accusingly. 

“Nobody is saying that,” Bobby tells him gently. He’s being treated like a hysterical spouse and he hates it, because Eddie isn’t dead. He can’t be, not when they’ve finally settled into their lives together. Buck finished moving his stuff out of the loft two weeks ago, and giving away the last piece of furniture he doesn’t need anymore to a single mother who lost her home in the tsunami. When it’s just the two of them the house is peaceful and they barely keep their hands off each other - Eddie draped over Buck in his sleep, pressed against his back as he cooks, lying down with his head in Buck’s lap on the couch (and the other way around  - just constantly touching when they’re near each other). When they’ve got Chris the house is lively and bright - Buck feels so privileged to be able to be a part of giving Chris the childhood he deserves - the one Buck and Eddie never got to have. He can’t lose Eddie, not now. Because losing Eddie would mean losing Christopher and Buck doesn’t know how he’d come back from that. 

“We can dig by hand,” Buck insists. “I’ll do it myself, I don’t care. We’re getting him back.”

“Of course we are,” Hen soothes and it takes everything in Buck not to scream.

“How long have you two been married?” Hayden’s mother asks him. She’s hovering with Hayden in her arms - Buck guesses she’s probably still brimming with adrenaline. 

“We’re - uh, we’re not married,” Buck croaks. “Uh, yet.”

“I can tell how much you love him,” she says warmly. “He saved my boy. If there’s anything I can do to help you get him back…”

“Thank you,” Buck murmurs absently. He’s not sure there’s anything she could do - if Buck can’t do anything to get Eddie back, then what can anyone else do? He suddenly wrenches himself away from the group and heads back outside to talk to the others - he can’t stand around doing nothing. His team join him not long after, Hen taking his hand into her own. Buck doesn’t miss the worried glances Chimney keeps shooting him and wants to tell him to fuck off - Eddie will be fine. He doesn’t need pity, he doesn’t need worry. They’re getting him back. There’s no alternative. Buck won’t survive anything else. 

“We’ll use it to try to find a heat signature,” says someone whose name Buck doesn’t remember. Buck worries that will take too long because what then? They find his heat signature and what then? Eddie has to be almost out of oxygen by now. They need to fucking dig or something. Anything. He starts to look around, desperate for an immediate solution. That’s when he sees him. 

“Eddie!” Buck takes off at a sprint to where Eddie has emerged from a pond behind them, dripping wet and shaking. 

“Gonna be a bit hard to find a heat signature at the moment,” he shivers. He reaches Buck and collapses into his arms, gripping tight to the back of his coat. 

“Eddie, fuck,” Buck gasps, sliding his arms around Eddie’s waist to hold him up. He clings, everything else around him fading to a buzz. All he can hear is Eddie’s ragged breathing in his left ear and his own erratic heartbeat. He’s peripherally aware of the others approaching them, sure they must be talking - but he can’t hear them.

“Buck,” Eddie’s voice is rough in his ear. “Hey, I’m alright.” Buck feels a hand on his arm, squeezing gently and tugging. He resists the pull, holding onto Eddie tighter because he’s not letting go - he’s not letting anything take Eddie from him again. 

“Buck,” Hen’s voice breaks through the fog. “You gotta let us take a look at Eddie.” 

“Can’t,” Buck croaks. He knows, okay. He knows he has to let go of Eddie so Hen and Chim can make sure he’s actually okay, but he can’t get his brain to talk to his hands. Can’t seem to bring himself to let go. 

“Buck, we’ve got him. Let us take him to the ambulance,” he hears Chimney say. His hands grip tighter, operating separately from his brain. Bobby’s speaking now, and he knows those are Bobby’s hands on his shoulders. 

“Come on, kid. He needs to be assessed. He’s back, he’s here. Let us take him for a bit, I promise we’ll give him right back to you in one piece,” Bobby says. 

“Buck,” Eddie murmurs, “I’d really like for you to be able to take me home, but in order for that to happen I need to get my oxygen levels and temperature checked. It’s that or the hospital.”

“Okay,” Buck breathes, his hands finally letting go of Eddie’s soaked clothing. He steps back just far enough that Eddie can start walking in the direction of the ambulance, Buck holding his hand and Bobby steadying him from the other side. They make it to the ambulance and Buck climbs in right behind Eddie, not letting go of his hand. He doesn’t take his eyes off Eddie the whole time Hen checks him over - watches the oxygen mask rhythmically fog up with Eddie’s breath, watches as Bobby carefully peels the frigid clothing off him and helps him into sweats and a blanket. 

“Oxygen is good not great,” Hen tells them. “Lungs sound clear. Body temp is worrying me a little, but I’m guessing a suggestion to go to the hospital would be ignored?”

“You would be correct,” Eddie snorts. “Can I ease your concerns with the promise of a warm bath and curling up in bed with my partner who is essentially a furnace?”

“You can,” Hen chuckles. “As long as Buck promises me he’ll take you to hospital if anything changes.”

“Yeah,” Buck whispers, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I promise.”

“Alright,” Hen sighs. “Let’s get you two back to the station then.” Buck doesn’t let go of Eddie’s hand the whole way, but Eddie is gripping his just as hard so Buck knows he doesn’t mind. They don’t shower at the station - Buck grabs their bags and guides Eddie to his truck and drives them home. 

“Hungry?” Buck asks. Chris is with Shannon for the week, so Buck is able to focus all of his attention on making sure Eddie gets everything he needs. 

“Tired,” Eddie replies, shaking his head. “Cold.”

“I’ll run your bath,” Buck tells him, pulling him towards the bathroom. Eddie is pliant in his hands, allowing Buck to push him to sit on the toilet lid as he fills the tub. Eddie sheds his clothing and climbs into the bath, groaning loudly as he sinks into the water. 

“S’perfect,” he mumbles. “Thank you.” Buck takes Eddie’s spot on the toilet seat and just watches the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest. The tub isn’t big enough for him to lie down properly, so his knees are poking above the water. Buck grabs two face clothes from underneath the sink and dips them into the bath water, draping them over Eddie’s knees. 

“Need anything else?”

“Just your dazzling presence,” Eddie hums, lips twitching into a slight smile.

“Not sure how dazzling I can be right now,” mutters Buck. “Everyone was treating me like a hysterical spouse today.”

“Were you hysterical?” Eddie asks him, reaching a hand out. Buck links their fingers together and slides onto the floor with his back against the tub, holding Eddie’s hand over his shoulder. 

“Close enough,” Buck admits. “I tried to dig to you with my bare hands. Bobby had to pull me away.”

“Christ, Buck,” Eddie breathes. “He was right to do that, you could have gotten hurt.”

“Eddie,” Buck says flatly. “A fucking well collapsed on top of you. You can’t sit there and tell me you would have expected me to do any less. Like you wouldn’t have done the same for me.”

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs. “I definitely would have. And you would have said the same to me.”

“Yeah yeah,” Buck concedes. “I wouldn’t have cut my line though.”

“Oh you absolutely would have,” Eddie snorts. “You wouldn’t have left that kid down there either.”

“True,” Buck mumbles. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I just - all I could think about was getting back to you and Chris, you know? Doing everything I could to make sure I came home with you tonight,” Eddie murmurs.

“I knew you would,” Buck tells him. “I wasn’t letting myself imagine any other way the day would end. I can’t - I can’t lose you, Eddie. I wouldn’t survive it.”

“I - Buck, I almost gave up,” Eddie admits, voice broken. Buck drops his hand and turns around, breath catching in his throat.

“Eddie,” he breathes. 

“My oxygen ran out, I was swimming and - I couldn’t keep going, I had nothing left,” Eddie mumbles, eyes trained on the wall opposite him. Buck feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest, the reality of just how close he came to losing Eddie tonight finally hitting him. 

“But you didn’t give up,” Buck whispers. “You kept going.”

“For you,” Eddie says firmly. “For Chris. I - I heard your voices. I could see you both, here in our home. At the zoo. And I kept pushing.”

“Thank you,” Buck murmurs. “For not giving up.”

“I’m always going to fight to come home to you both,” Eddie promises. “Always.”

“I know.” Buck wipes away the tears from his own cheeks, then Eddie’s. “Are you okay?”

“Is that one of your questions?” Eddie asks. Buck scrunches his nose and blinks rapidly for a few seconds. 

“No,” he snorts, because he doesn’t feel like it needs to be. Eddie will be honest with him, right?

“Then I’m fine,” Eddie responds with a tight smile. Lying. 

“Okay, it’s one of my questions,” Buck retorts, rolling his eyes. 

“Then no,” Eddie whispers, finally making eye contact with Buck. “No, Buck. I’m not okay. I almost fucking died tonight - I can still feel the chill in my fucking bones. And I’m sitting here in more fucking water feeling like I’m back down there.”

“Let’s get you out,” Buck says quickly, standing to help Eddie out of the tub. He wraps their biggest towel around him, holding him close and tight. Eddie relaxes into Buck’s arms, dropping his head onto Buck’s shoulder. His breathing is less haggard now than it was back at the farm, his skin not as cold to the touch. But he’s shaking still, just a little. 

“This is nice,” Eddie murmurs into Buck’s neck, “but I need to get some clothes on.”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. He guides Eddie into their bedroom, pushing him down onto the bed before he digs through the drawers for the thick hoodie he bought two weeks ago (with the matching sweatpants). Buck passes Eddie one of his long-sleeved henleys and helps him into the clothing, then sits next to him on the bed pressed along Eddie’s side.

“Thank you,” Eddie sighs. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. If I’d had to come home alone tonight I don’t know that I would have had the strength to look after myself.”

“You would have,” Buck argues. “If not for yourself, for Chris.”

“Maybe,” Eddie shrugs. “I’m just really glad we’ve got each other.”

“Me too,” Buck whispers. “Hayden’s mom. She, uh. When you were - when we were trying to find a way to get to you, she asked me how long we’d been married.”

“Huh,” Eddie replied. “What did you say to her?”

“That we weren’t married,” Buck chuckles. “Yet.”

“Why is that?” Eddie asks, knocking their shoulders together and grinning. And Buck suddenly can’t think of an answer that makes any sense. He’s got a ring tucked up the back of his bedside drawer - he had a plan that had been slightly derailed by Eddie almost drowning, but maybe - maybe now he’s got even more reasons to ask the most important question he thinks he’ll ever ask Eddie.

“Probably because I haven’t asked you yet,” Buck says breathlessly. It’s not the moment he envisioned - he’d strung lights up in the backyard, had a bottle of Eddie’s favourite whiskey tucked up the back of one of the kitchen cupboards, and was going to cook Eddie’s favourite meal (well technically the Chicken Marsala is his second favourite - Buck hasn’t quite managed to nail the tamales yet). 

“And why is that?” 

“Well,” Buck starts, linking his fingers with Eddie’s. “I was going to ask you tonight but, you know. You had to go and almost die on me.”

“Ah,” Eddie hums, cheeks flushing. “Sorry about that.”

“Yeah look, if you could let me know the next time you plan on having a near death experience I’d appreciate it,” Buck teases. “I’d hate for it to ruin more life-changing plans.”

“Noted,” Eddie snorts. “I, uh. I think you should still ask me. I’m sure you had something beautiful planned, but -”

“Marry me?” Buck blurts out. Eddie breaks into a grin, wide and bright. 

“Yes,” he laughs. “Fuck yes.” Buck kisses him, grabbing the front of the hoodie to pull him closer. 

“Shit, your face is so cold,” Buck hisses, cupping Eddie’s cheeks with both hands. Eddie groans gratefully, leaning into the touch and closing his eyes. 

“Your hands are warm,” he sighs. Buck covers the sides of Eddie’s face with his hands and presses a lingering kiss to his forehead. 

“Let’s get you into bed, yeah? We can do the whole ‘beautiful thing’ I absolutely had planned tomorrow instead,” Buck murmurs. “Gotta get you warmed up.”

“You got a ring for me?” Eddie hums, his eyes fluttering open. “I can give it back for the whole thing tomorrow, but I’d really like to fall asleep in your arms with a ring on my finger tonight. That’d warm me up real good.”

“You think I’d propose to you without a ring?”

“I think you just did, Buckley,” Eddie snorts, pulling back from Buck to wriggle under the covers. Buck rolls his eyes as he sifts through all the crap in his bedside table drawer (Eddie refuses to touch it, making it the perfect hiding place). He digs the deep red velvet box out from right up the back and kneels next to the bed, taking Eddie’s still cold left hand into his own. 

“That’ll be Diaz to you soon enough,” Buck huffs. “Marry me?”

“You want to take my name?” Eddie whispers with wide eyes as Buck slides the ring onto his finger. 

“Maddie will be a Han soon enough,” Buck shrugs as he strips down to his underwear and slides into the bed next to Eddie. “I am more than happy to let the Buckley name die with my parents. I want to be a Diaz. If, uh - if that’s ok with you.”

“If that’s - fuck,” Eddie breathes. He hauls Buck in for a deep kiss, sinking his fingers into Buck’s hair. Eddie makes a contented sound against Buck’s lips, and his cheeks have some of their colour back when they pull apart. “That might be the hottest fucking thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Oh yeah?” Buck smirks, tugging on the strings of Eddie’s hoodie. “If you’re feeling better in the morning maybe I can try to top it.”

“Why wait until morning?” Eddie murmurs, pushing Buck onto his back and rolling on top of him. His hands are on either side of Buck’s head, knees bracketing Buck’s hips. He’s still shivering a little as he ducks down and kisses Buck again, fervent and demanding. If it weren’t for the unsteady quiver of his arms and the fact that his face is still cold, Buck would let Eddie do whatever the fuck he wants. 

“Because,” Buck sighs, pushing lightly on Eddie’s shoulders. “You are under strict instructions to rest, and I am meant to be making sure you follow those directions. I am not in the mood for Hen’s wrath or Bobby’s disappointment.”

“When did you become the responsible one,” Eddie groans as he drops his head down onto Buck’s shoulder. His arms give out and he lands completely on top of Buck with an ‘oof’, pressing his cold nose against Buck’s neck. 

“When I got engaged to this guy with an adorable kid,” Buck shrugs. Eddie snorts and rolls off Buck, tucking himself into Buck’s side. Buck wraps his arms around Eddie - his fiancé - to hold him as close as he can. 

“So two minutes ago,” Eddie deadpans. 

“You can barely keep your eyes open and your face is the temperature of a popsicle,” Buck tells him. “One of us has to be the responsible one and apparently it’s not you.”

“So irresponsible of me to want to suck my fiancé’s dick,” Eddie mumbles into Buck’s shoulder. Buck tugs the hood of the sweatshirt up, pulling on the drawstrings to wrap it snug around Eddie’s face. 

“You can suck my dick if you’re feeling back to normal in the morning,” Buck promises with a chuckle. “For now, we sleep.”

“Fine,” Eddie grumbles, splaying one hand over Buck’s heart. He lifts his ring finger slightly, using this thumb to twist the ring now sitting on it. Buck can’t help himself - he grins like an idiot and lifts Eddie’s hand to his mouth, kissing the ring before lacing their fingers together. 

“Looks good on you,” Buck murmurs. Eddie huffs out a sleepy laugh and squeezes Buck’s hand. 

“You look good on me,” Eddie mutters, his body steadily going more lax against Buck. 

“On you, in you, behind you…”

“All of it,” Eddie yawns. “All the time.”

“I love you,” Buck laughs. “Go to sleep.”

“‘Kay,” Eddie whispers. “Love you too, Mr. Diaz.”

—

Eddie’s still a little unsteady on his feet the next day, so they spend most of the day on the couch. His colour is back to normal though and he’d stopped shivering at some point in the night, so Buck finally feels like he can breathe again. Even though he’s not letting Eddie out of his sight for a single second today. 

“Are you going to let me out of the house at all? Fresh air might be good for me,” Eddie argues when Buck tells him no, he cannot go for a run. 

“We’re having dinner out in the yard tonight. There’s your fresh air,” Buck counters, fingers threading through Eddie’s hair. Eddie huffs but doesn’t argue - he knows that if he does Buck will make him go back to bed and not for the fun reason. “You’re a terrible patient.”

“And you’re not?” Eddie laughs. “When you were recovering after the tsunami I had to steal your keys so you wouldn’t go to the gym.”

“Whatever,” Buck says dismissively, waving his free hand. “We’re talking about you right now. And a dislocated shoulder is not the same thing as almost drowning, Eddie.”

“Dislocated shoulder, sprained ankle, dehydration, sunburn…”

“Near death experience,” Buck snarks. “If you stop complaining for the next fifteen minutes until this episode is over we can go for a walk around the block.”

“Thank you, warden,” Eddie rolls his eyes. Buck tugs lightly on Eddie’s hair then leans down to kiss his forehead. 

“Dick,” Buck snorts. “See if I propose to you again now.”

“You will,” Eddie smirks. He’s right - even though they’re already engaged Buck is basically vibrating with excitement over proposing to Eddie again tonight. He doesn’t have a big speech planned, he’s saving that for his vows. But it’ll be a nice evening even with them in sweatpants and hoodies instead of their dressier clothing because Buck has planned this evening down to the tiniest detail, and although Eddie almost dying may have slightly derailed his original plan the modified version will go off without a hitch. 

“I don’t trust you not to go back out again while I’m cooking so you’re coming into the kitchen with me,” Buck tells Eddie later in the evening. 

“I would complain that you’re treating me like a prisoner but I like watching you cook,”  Eddie shrugs, trailing into the kitchen behind Buck. “Just let me taste-test the sauce.”

“Always,” Buck snorts. “Your official position for the rest of our lives is sauce taste-tester.”

“You’re pretty confident I’ll say yes,” Eddie teases with a grin like he doesn’t already have the damn ring on his finger. 

“We already told Chris,” Buck replies pointedly. “You can’t say no now, you’ll break his heart.”

“Well we can’t have that, can we? Guess I’m obligated to say yes,” Eddie sighs, watching as Buck grabs the potatoes to start peeling them.

“For Christopher,” Buck nods, flicking a piece of potato peel at Eddie. Eddie throws it back and by the time the sauce is simmering on the stove the floor is littered with potato peel. Eddie sweeps it up and steals a spoonful of sauce as Buck mashes the potatoes and moans under his breath. 

“You nail this one every time,” Eddie tells him, slurping up another spoonful and dodging Buck’s hands. 

“I said sauce taster not sauce ‘eat out of the saucepan-er’,” Buck huffs. “Sit back down.”

“Ooh, bossy,” Eddie hums. “Yes sir.”

“You love it,” Buck snorts as Eddie grins at him across the table. Dinner is plated up not long after and Buck carries the plates out the back to the small table he’s set up. Eddie’s carrying the whiskey and glasses, flopping into his chair with a sigh. 

“So are we eating first or should I give you the ring now?” Eddie asks, twisting the band on his finger. 

“You wanna eat cold chicken?”

“I want to hear you tell me how much you love me before we eat,” Eddie counters, pulling his ring off and sliding it across the table and raising an eyebrow expectantly. Buck rolls his eyes and picks up the ring, slipping out of his chair to drop down on one knee in front of Eddie. 

“Hi,” he grins. 

“Hi,” Eddie laughs. Buck takes one of Eddie’s hands into his own, lacing their fingers together. Eddie leans down and kisses him, quick and firm, before bringing his free hand up to rest on the back of Buck’s neck. Buck might cry. 

“I love you,” he starts, voice already wavering. “A ridiculous amount. More than I ever thought I could love a person. It’s probably unhealthy how fucking obsessed I am with you.”

“If it is, I'm equally unhealthy, sweetheart,” Eddie murmurs. “We’re in this together.”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes, sniffling a little. “We always are, hey? From day one - well, the end of day one anyway. And then you went and made me fall in love with you by being all competent and…you.”

“By being all me?”

“Yes, by being all you. Eddie, you’ve given me the home I never thought I’d have and more love than I ever thought I was worthy of. You and Christopher are the two most important people in my life, and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you marry me?”

“What would you do if I said no right now?” Eddie teases softly. 

“Eddie,” Buck whines, lightly digging his fingernails into Eddie’s hand. 

“Okay, sorry,” Eddie chuckles. “Yes. Obviously my answer is yes.”

“Like you had a choice,” Buck scoffs as he slides the ring back onto Eddie’s finger and allows Eddie to pull him up for a kiss that makes Buck grateful the hedges in the yard are high enough that the neighbours can’t see in. They end up having to reheat the food. 

Chapter Text

Buck’s not surprised he’s the one that fucks things up first. He is, however, surprised that Abby of all people is the reason he fucks things up. The train derailment had been a rough call from the start - people were already dead, and it was looking like they weren’t going to be able to save everyone who was trapped. And then, talking to Eddie, was Abby. 

Her fiancé was trapped. By the time they reached him, Buck could already tell Eddie was a little upset with him. And, sure, maybe promising his ex-girlfriend that he’d save her fiancé in front of his own fiancé was not his brightest moment. Arguing with Bobby and Eddie about rappelling down the outside of the train so he could save Abby’s fiancé and the young girl was definitely not his brightest moment. The tight set of Eddie’s jaw, the way he fiddles with the forest green silicone band on his finger, and the twitch in his left eye tell Buck he’s in for one hell of a talking to later. Buck fidgets with his own navy blue silicone band before heading off. 

They get them both out, and though Buck should be feeling pretty good about the rescue (Buck 1.0 would be feeling cocky as hell about that rescue right now) Eddie won’t meet his eyes and he feels a little sick. This might be leading to more than just a talking to, and as they walk into the house later that night Buck feels a little like he’s about to be dumped. 

“What exactly was it,” Eddie starts once they’re in the kitchen, “that happened between you and Abby that made you feel like you needed to prove something to her?”

“What?” Buck asks. His shoulders are tight and there are defensive words already bubbling in his throat. 

“Abby. You seemed to feel it was necessary to pull a dumb fucking risky stunt to rescue her fiancé, so what was it you were trying to prove? Trying to make her regret breaking up with you?”

“Why would I do that?” Buck blinks as Eddie takes a measured step closer. For all the avoided eye contact before, Eddie’s eyes are now fierce and locked on Buck’s. 

“I don’t know, Buck, why would you risk your life to save the fiancé of the woman who dumped you while your own fiancé is begging you not to? When your captain gave you a direct order not to?”

“Eddie, I'm fine,” Buck sighs, tossing his phone onto the table. “Nothing happened.”

“But something could have happened, Buck,” Eddie snaps, taking another step forwards. “If things had gone sideways there would have been absolutely nothing I could do to save you. I would have had to stand there and watch you die.”

“Kind of like how I had to stand there totally helpless when you cut your line?” Buck retorts, regretting the words as soon as they leave his mouth. He’s not angry about that, still knowing he would have done the same thing if their roles had been reversed. But Eddie’s words are jabbing at long-buried insecurities Buck thought he’d gotten over and he wants to say shit that hurts. It’s an ugly darkness inside him that’s clawing up his throat, making him spit venom when he wants to be begging for forgiveness. This can’t be how he loses Eddie, Abby cannot be the reason he loses the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to him. 

“That is not the same thing and you know it,” Eddie seethes. “I was saving a child.”

“And you almost fucking died doing it,” Buck hisses. “Sam has kids, Eddie. All I was doing was making sure those girls didn’t lose their father. This had nothing to do with Abby.”

“What about Chris?” Eddie asks, voice flat. They’re almost chest to chest now, Eddie’s chin jutting up so he can keep meeting Buck’s gaze. 

“What?”

“What about Chris?” Eddie repeats. “If you had died tonight, Chris would have lost a father. What then? I come home and tell Chris that you died because you decided someone else’s family is more important than us?”

“Eddie,” Buck whispers. “That’s not -”

“And what am I supposed to do then? Just fucking live with the knowledge that your ego is bigger than your need to come home?” Eddie continues, chest heaving. He’s angry - Buck hasn’t ever seen him like this before, and he doesn’t know what to do to fix it. 

“Did you stop to think that if I lose you, I lose Chris as well when you cut your line? That’s my entire family ripped away from me. What then, Eddie? I’m alone. Again,” Buck spits. “I’m alone in my grief because you pulled a stupid risky move that got you killed. And then I get to come home and tell Chris that you died because another kid was more important to you than he is.”

“So my death would be about you,” Eddie snorts. “Of course.”

“You’re the one standing there making me saving Sam about you!” Buck shouts, clenching his hands into fists and pressing them against his eyes. He doesn’t want to be doing this, he doesn’t fucking want to fight with Eddie. He wants to climb into bed with him and never think about Abby or Sam again. He wants to fall asleep in Eddie’s arms, wake up late tomorrow morning, make him that French toast casserole he loves, then fuck him loud and hard with the windows open so the neighbours can hear them. Buck feels that hope slipping away from him, possibly along with the rest of their lives together. 

The toxic anger that was inside him before has vanished, leaving a cavernous fear of abandonment in its wake. He had honestly started to believe this wasn’t something he’d ever need to worry about with Eddie - that their utter devotion towards each other would be enough to keep them together. He’d been so fucking stupid. Buck’s phone buzzes, but he ignores it. He’s starting to feel numb. 

“That’s a message from Abby,” Eddie huffs. “You’d better answer it, revel in her praise or whatever the fuck it was you were looking for.”

“For fucks sake,” Buck mutters, picking up the phone. He honestly doesn’t give a shit what the message says. Doesn’t give a shit what she has to say. He’d deleted her number right after he and Eddie got together. 

Unknown Number: Hi Buck, it’s Abby. I wanted to thank you again for what you did tonight. Sam is going to be fine. I was hoping we could get coffee and maybe clear the air a little? I hate the way we left things. I’m free tomorrow. Hope to hear back from you. 

Buck blinks down at his phone a few times, acutely aware of Eddie watching him intently. 

Buck: I don’t think that’s a good idea. I didn’t do what I did tonight for you, I did it for Sam’s daughters. I have nothing that I feel needs to be said. I’ve moved on, and you should too. 

Buck blocks the number and tosses his phone back onto the table with a clatter, crossing his arms as he watches Eddie read the message. His face softens, almost imperceptibly. But Buck knows Eddie well enough that the subtle shift in his expression means that they’re probably going to be okay - maybe not tonight, or even tomorrow, but they’ll be okay. 

“I need some space,” Eddie grunts and leaves the kitchen, ripping any certainty Buck had out from underneath his feet. Eddie hasn’t ever needed space from him before - how much does he need? Should Buck sleep on the couch? Sleep at Maddie’s? Book a hotel room for a few nights? Does he need to switch to another shift at work for a week? Anxiety grips Buck violently, clenching his chest and throat as he drops down into one of the chairs. He uses the deep breathing technique Maddie had been doing with her therapist when she first arrived in LA - Buck had done it with her in person and over the phone dozens of times. It helps a little, enough for him to stand up and dig out the sour candies Eddie keeps on hand for his own anxiety attacks. They help too, but Buck thinks that’s more to do with the fact that he thinks of Eddie when he eats them. 

Buck spends the next half hour or so half heartedly scrolling social media, not taking anything in. He still hasn’t figured out what to do - he could clean, but he’d just done a deep clean of the kitchen and living room on the weekend. He could meal prep, but he tends to be noisy when he cooks and he doesn’t want to give Eddie anymore ammunition to be upset with him. Buck makes a snap decision and is standing at their bedroom door before he even realises he’s moving. 

Eddie hasn’t closed the door - it’s slightly ajar, but Buck tentatively knocks on the frame as he pushes it open anyway. Eddie is under the covers with the small lamp on, phone in hand. He looks up at Buck hovering awkwardly in the doorway, quirking an eyebrow and staying quiet. 

“Can I, uh,” Buck starts, clearing his throat. “Can I use one of my questions?”

“Sure,” Eddie sighs, depositing his phone onto his bedside table. 

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Do you want to leave?” Eddie asks and that’s not how they agreed the game would work, but Buck isn’t going to argue the semantics right now. 

“Never,” Buck whispers. 

“Then no,” comes Eddie’s response before Buck has even closed his mouth. He pulls back the covers on Buck’s side of the bed, rolling onto his side so he’s facing the empty spot. Buck strips down to his underwear, heart thudding in his chest. He slides into the bed, hands shaking. Eddie is behind him in seconds, plastered against his back and arms around his waist. 

“I’m still mad at you,” Eddie mumbles into Buck’s shoulder, lips against the bare skin. 

“Okay,” Buck sighs. He can handle Eddie still being mad at him as long as Eddie still wants him here. 

“I love you,” Eddie murmurs, and Buck finally relaxes. Eddie still loves him. Buck fucked up, but Eddie still loves him. 

“Even when I’m a reckless idiot?”

“Especially then,” Eddie huffs. “Just don’t do it again.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck apologises quietly. “I didn’t - it really wasn’t anything to do with Abby. I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit about her.”

“I know. I just wish you understood that you need to prioritise your safety above anyone else’s,” Eddie tells him. “I know that’s not something you do, okay. One of the things I love most about you is how much you genuinely care about people - even those that don’t deserve it. But it shouldn’t come with your life as the price. Chris and I need you to come home safe to us.”

“You said,” Buck starts, turning over to face Eddie. “You said that if I’d - if I didn’t make it home that you’d have to tell Chris he lost a father.”

“I did say that,” Eddie hums. “Because it’s true. Chris thinks of you as his second dad, and so do I.”

“Oh.” Buck barely hears himself, blinking back tears as Eddie runs his fingers through Buck’s hair and cups his cheek. 

“You wouldn’t - Buck, you wouldn’t lose Chris if I - if there ever came a time where I didn’t make it home,” Eddie murmurs. He exhales heavily and pauses before continuing. “After the well, I spoke to Shannon. She sees how much Chris loves you, how happy he’s been since you and I got together. So, if I…if I die, you’ll split custody of Chris with Shannon.”

“I - what? That’s -”

“I changed my will. You’ll be Christopher’s other legal guardian in the event of my death,” Eddie explains, and Buck’s brain has gone blank. He can’t make sense of the words coming out of Eddie’s mouth, the sharp left turn they’ve taken from where they were forty minutes ago.

“Wouldn’t - d-don’t you need to ask me something like that?” Buck stammers, searching Eddie’s eyes for answers. This is a huge amount of responsibility, a responsibility it seems like Eddie wasn’t going to tell him about until Buck needled it out of him by being a petty asshole. 

“My lawyer said you could refuse but…”

“You knew I wouldn’t.”

“I knew you wouldn’t,” Eddie agrees, pressing a soft kiss to Buck’s forehead. “I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, just so we’re clear. But if I do, you and Chris will have each other. So make sure you remember that before you pull your next stunt, okay?”

“Okay,” Buck whispers. “I love you too. And I’m sorry for being an idiot.”

“Sorry for being a dick,” Eddie says. Buck leans in and kisses him, one hand settling on the back of Eddie’s neck. They fall asleep wrapped around each other. 

—

Wedding planning, it turns out, is a giant fucking pain in the ass. Buck now has deep empathy for people who go insane trying to pull off the perfect day, because it’s starting to feel like even pulling off a ‘just okay’ day is out of Buck’s reach. 

They agreed on something small and intimate. The guest list has been the easiest part of the whole process - Maddie, Chris, Pepa, Abuela, plus their team and respective partners and children. Eddie’s sisters are a maybe, because they still see their parents fairly regularly. Eddie had told his parents about the engagement purely because he hadn’t wanted anyone else in his family to have to keep it secret from them. They’d told Eddie they’d pray for him, at which point he promptly hung up the phone and curled himself into Buck’s side on the couch. Buck didn’t even bother contacting his parents. 

Venues are few and far between - correction, affordable and halfway decent venues are few and far between. Anything with a view is immediately out of their budget, as is anything that isn’t dilapidated and covered in mold apparently. 

Buck and Eddie have been bickering over whether to hire a live band or DJ - well, they had been bickering over whether to hire a band or just plug one of their phones in with a curated playlist. Buck thought a band would be more romantic, Eddie thought that making a playlist of their favourite songs would be more meaningful (and cost effective). Buck had relented pretty quickly, and they’ve been adding songs to a joint playlist (with input from Chris). 

“I’m one phone call with a caterer away from asking Bobby to do the food for the wedding,” Buck grumbles. “There are under twenty people including us, and we’re still looking at minimum one hundred dollars per head. And that caterer asked if we wanted the hot dog package or the chicken finger package.”

“Well I know which one Chris would pick,” Eddie sighs, scrolling the website of ‘LA’s most affordable wedding cakes’. In what universe eight hundred dollars for a fucking sheet cake affordable? “And you know Bobby would do the food for us if we asked.”

“I know, that’s why I’m not asking. I want him at our wedding to enjoy our wedding,” Buck groans. “Besides, how bad would a self-serve chicken finger station really be?”

“Uh,” Eddie snorts, flicking back to the email from that particular caterer. “Pretty bad. The chicken fingers are cooked the day before and then microwaved prior to being served. And that cost per head does not include sides. It’s literally just the chicken fingers.”

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Buck whines. He drops his head onto the table with a thud, wondering (not for the first time) if they should just elope. Maddie would never forgive him though, and Abuela would never make them tamales ever again. Eddie’s hand rests, warm and steady, on his shoulder and squeezes. 

“Hey,” he murmurs reassuringly. “Let’s focus on the positives for a bit. We’ve settled on a colour scheme - navy, forest green, and gold, yeah? You’ve got the flowers sorted with Mariana at the flower market, she’s giving you a good deal. And we’ve got a tidy little guest list of all the most important people in our lives - a list that doesn’t have either of our parents on it.”

“Okay,” Buck breathes. “That’s helping. Maybe I can ask Mariana if she knows any caterers or venues, she might be able to help?”

“There you go,” Eddie grins. “You know what else you could do? Be less of a control freak and let me do something.”

“How about you help me finalise these details for the engagement party then? Everyone we invited is coming, Bobby is doing a bunch of different finger foods, your abuela is making tres leches cake, and we’ve got that donation link for the queer youth charity set up in lieu of gifts,” Buck rattles off, finger running down the list attached to the clipboard he’d ‘borrowed’ from work. 

“I’m picking up the decorations and dropping them off at Bobby’s in the morning, Pepa is picking Chris up from Shannon’s and will meet us there, and we are set to arrive at three,” Eddie finishes. He plucks the clipboard from Buck’s hands and places it down on the table in front of them, tugging Buck up and out of his chair, maneuvering him until he’s lying down on the couch with his head in Eddie’s lap. 

“No, come on, we’ve still got so much work to do,” Buck complains. He tries to sit up but Eddie’s got a firm grip on his shoulder and one hand in his hair, so he’s stuck. 

“I’m calling time on the wedding planning for today,” Eddie says firmly. “There’s nothing that cannot wait until Sunday morning after we’ve slept off the hangovers and inhaled our body weight in greasy breakfast food.”

“But -”

“No buts. I’m giving you a direct order to relax,” Eddie hums, voice low and soft. His fingers start carding through Buck’s hair, scratching at his scalp while his other hand works on the tension in his neck and shoulders. And really, how is Buck supposed to say no to that?

—

Eddie is being weird. He says everything went smoothly in the morning, that the decorations for their engagement party are safe at Bobby and Athena’s (even if he’d been gone for around an hour and a half longer than Buck expected). But he’s being twitchy and it’s stressing Buck out. 

“Eddie,” Buck says quietly as they approach Bobby’s door. “Look, if you’re having second thoughts you can tell me.” It might kill him - it will kill him, but he’d prefer that to forcing Eddie into something he’s changed his mind about. He doesn’t need -

“That’s not it,” Eddie snorts. “No second thoughts. Never been more certain of anything in my life.”

“Okay then why are you all twitchy? Is Chris okay?”

“Chris is fine, Buck. He’s already inside playing with Denny and Harry,” Eddie laughs. “Nothing is wrong. I do need to use one of my questions, though.”

“Uh, okay,” Buck chuckles awkwardly. Eddie stops Buck by taking his hand and exhaling slowly. 

“You wanna get married today?” Eddie asks. 

“What?” Buck whispers. What?

“Look, I can see how much stress planning the wedding is putting on you, even though I keep telling you to let me handle stuff with you. I know you’ve been going over our budget at three in the morning trying to figure out how we can afford a photographer -”

“Oh fuck I haven’t even started looking at photographers yet,” Buck groans, cutting Eddie off before snapping his mouth shut when he remembers Eddie’s question. “Wait, hold on. I -”

“Buck,” Eddie murmurs. “Everything is set up inside. But if you want a proper wedding then so do I. This can just be our engagement party, and we can keep planning.”

“No,” Buck shouts. “No, fuck. Wedding planning sucks. Let’s get married today.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I wanna marry you today,” Buck breathes. Eddie grin is blindingly bright, his sharp canines on full display as he hauls Buck in for a deep kiss. 

“Me too,” Eddie replies, and goddamnit this is so much better than the surprise Buck has inside for Eddie. Buck doesn’t have too much time to feel grumpy about it though, because the door flies open revealing Chimney who looks a little flustered. 

“Your very pregnant sister is getting impatient,” he informs Buck. “And we are…”

“We’re getting married today,” Eddie murmurs, planting one last kiss on Buck’s lips. Buck laughs a little deliriously into Eddie’s mouth, looping his arms around Eddie’s neck. He gets lost in it, and Chim eventually clears his throat. 

“Y’know there’s a specific time for you to do that later,” he says drily. “And like I said. Heavily pregnant impatient woman inside.”

“Okay, okay,” Buck relents, stepping back. “I’ve got something I need to show Eddie before…what is the plan exactly? Are we going to get mobbed when we walk in?”

“Actually, Bobby and Athena are the only ones who know aside from Maddie and Chim,” Eddie chuckles. “We’re surprising everyone else too.”

“Wait, don’t your -” Chim starts. 

“I swear to god if you spoil my surprise right now my niece will grow up without a father,” Buck hisses. “Are we sure nobody else knows about the wedding? Because if you know…”

“Maddie told me one minute before you guys turned up,” Chimney admits, hands up defensively. 

“Ah, there it is,” Buck snorts. He points a finger in Chim’s face, eyes narrowed. “Not a fucking word.”

“I’m so confused,” Eddie whispers. Buck places a hand on Eddie’s lower back, leading him through the door and down the stairs into the living area. Athena approaches them with a tentative look on her face - Eddie nods with a grin and they’re both drawn into a tight hug as Buck scans the people mingling outside. He spots one of two people he’s looking for loitering near the food table and carefully extricates himself from Athena’s grasp with a mumbled lie about checking in with Maddie. 

“Oh hey! Thanks so much again for inviting -”

“Adri?” Eddie’s voice behind him is barely audible and damnit, he had a plan.

“Hey, Eddie,” Adriana grins. “Hell of a fiancé you’ve got yourself here.”

“Yeah, I know,” Eddie breathes. “I thought - you said you had work this weekend.”

“I lied,” Adriana shrugs. “Much like you did to yourself for what, almost twenty-five years?”

“Yeah okay,” Eddie scoffs. “Good to see you too.”

“See and here I was thinking I’m the only one that’s disappointed Mom and Dad because I’m unmarried with two children. I haven’t heard a word from them since you announced your engagement,” comes another voice from behind them and can’t anyone follow a damn plan in this family. Eddie spins around and finds Sophia holding two drinks, thrusting them both at Buck before pulling Eddie into a hug. Eddie lifts her off the ground, squeezing her tight and blinking back tears. Okay, maybe the plan wasn’t as important as this moment right here. 

“You - you’re meant to be in Chile right now,” Eddie sniffles, putting his sister down and stepping back. 

“Buck called,” Sophia explains. “I came back early. Marcus can handle the kids on his own for a few days.”

“You mean your bastard children,” Adriana pipes up, taking a drink from Buck’s hand. “And if anyone is the family disappointment, it’s me. Bisexual, single, and getting an art degree.”

“Hell yeah,” Buck enthuses, holding his hand up for a high five. Adriana slaps it a little too enthusiastically, throwing Buck slightly off balance. Eddie catches him without batting an eyelid. “I haven’t heard from my parents in over three years.”

“Nothing like bringing two dysfunctional families together,” Sophia snorts. “What’s your trauma?”

“Just your basic run-of-mill neglect,” Buck sighs. “I don’t think they even know I’m engaged. Or bi. Or living in LA, for that matter. My sister may have told them but who knows.”

“So we can fairly safely assume we won’t be meeting the Buckley parents at the wedding, then?” Adriana asks. Buck shakes his head and leans into Eddie’s side - he doesn’t need his parents. 

“Everyone you see here today is who will be at the wedding,” Eddie tells them. Buck stifles a laugh into his shoulder as Maddie catches his eye and frantically beckons him over. 

“We’d better make the rounds quickly,” Buck murmurs. “But I definitely want embarrassing childhood stories about Eddie later.”

“Oh Buck, we have so many of those,” Adriana cackles. 

“Photos too,” Sophia calls after them as they walk away. Eddie’s arm is snug around Buck’s waist as Maddie has Chimney help her out of the chair she was sitting in. 

“Right, I’m going to go pee,” she tells them firmly. “You two need to use that time to change so that when I get back we can do the ceremony before I need to pee again.” 

“Change?” Buck asks. He’s dressed nicely enough - a short sleeved grey button-down and his fitted black jeans. Not exactly what he pictured himself getting married in, but he looks nice. Nice enough that Eddie had stripped the outfit off him and almost made them late by bending Buck over the back of the couch and fucking him, murmuring filthy shit like “can’t wait to marry you, Mr. Diaz” in his ear which makes a lot more sense now. 

“Yep,” Eddie grins. “We’ve got suits to change into.”

“Quickly, please,” Maddie implores as she makes her way inside. Eddie follows after her, detouring to the kitchen where Bobby is wiping down the countertops. Buck takes a moment to actually look around - the decorations Eddie had picked were perfect. There are fairy lights strung up outside, along with navy and gold lanterns. The tablecloths are forest green with gold plates and navy napkins - simple and tasteful, exactly how they’d envisioned it. Their playlist is floating through the speakers and people are laughing and having a good time. Everyone they love is here for them, and Buck might cry before they make it to their vows. 

“How are we looking?” Bobby asks, taking his apron off. “We ready to take a little walk soon?”

“What?” Buck breathes. “Bobby, are you -”

“Only if you want to,” Bobby adds quickly. “I’m officiating, but I’d love to walk you down the makeshift aisle. If you’d like.”

“Okay this isn’t fair,” Buck sniffles because yep, he’s tearing up. “You’re making me cry before we’ve even started.”

“Better save it up,” Eddie smirks. “My vows are gonna knock you on your ass, Diaz.”

“Eddie,” Buck whines, dropping his head into his hands. Eddie chuckles right into his ear as he kisses Buck’s temple, arm still snug around his waist. 

“What do you say, kid?” Bobby asks. Buck is mostly incapable of forming words at this point, so he just nods as he drops his arms back down by his side. Bobby claps his shoulder with a grin and tells Eddie that their suits are in the bedroom, and can they please not have sex while they’re getting changed. 

“Gotta save something for the wedding night,” Eddie hums, low in Buck’s ear. “Maddie would also straight up kill us.”

“Yeah she’s scary at the moment,” Buck whispers. “Which is why we should change as fast as we can. We’re working around Maddie’s bladder.”

“Smart decision,” Bobby nods. “You go change and I’ll make the announcement in a few minutes.”

“When the hell did you find time for this?” Buck asks, ambling behind Eddie towards the bedroom. “This all looks incredible, Eddie.”

“Remember when I got stuck in traffic coming back from my physical the other day? When I had that meeting at Christopher’s school? Lies. I’ve been here and with Maddie,” Eddie admits as he pulls the bedroom door closed behind them. “How’s that little control freak voice in the back of your head feeling right now?”

“So happy,” Buck whispers. “I can’t believe you did all this for us.”

“I can’t believe you got both of my sisters here.” Eddie seems a little awestruck, like he hasn’t just surprised Buck with an entire fucking wedding. 

“It was easy,” Buck shrugs. “I told them how much it would mean to you for them to both be here. They decided to lie to you and make it a surprise. I know you weren’t sure about inviting them because of your parents, but I also know how much you love them. And how much they love you.”

“You made the right call,” Eddie tells him emphatically. “Thank-you.”

“I made a couple of phone calls. You put together a surprise wedding, Eddie. This is - I love this so fucking much. I get to marry you today,” Buck laughs. “I am so carrying you over the threshold when we get home.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie steps right into Buck’s space, hands coming to rest on his hips. “What else are you gonna do to me, Mr. Diaz?”

“Remind you my very pregnant and scary sister won’t hesitate to physically harm us if we’re not in our suits and back out there in the next five minutes,” Buck huffs, gently pushing Eddie back as he turns to the suits on the bed. They both change into black dress pants and a simple black button-down, Buck pointedly turning away from Eddie as they strip because if he sees Eddie’s bare chest or legs right now he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stop himself from throwing him onto the bed. 

“Blue jacket is yours,” Eddie tells him. The jacket is navy blue and velvet with satin lapels and black satin lining. Eddie’s is the same but in forest green, perfectly matching the tablecloths Eddie had picked out. He looks fucking incredible in his suit and Buck still can’t believe that Eddie will be his husband in the next half hour or so. 

“You ready?”

“Since the day we met,” Eddie grins, slipping his tongue into Buck’s mouth as they kiss. He slides his hands down and grips Buck’s ass before turning and opening the door, slipping out. 

“I hate you!” Buck calls out after him. 

“I don’t think that you do,” Eddie sing-songs over his shoulder. He hangs around the corner, just out of sight of their friends and family. Maddie is taking her seat again as Bobby steps into the middle of the yard, grabbing everyone’s attention. 

“Thank you everyone for coming today, I know it means a lot to Buck and Eddie that you’re all here. We have, however, kept you all in the dark a little bit,” Bobby starts. “Eddie has worked tirelessly over the past two weeks with myself and Maddie to surprise Buck today - you’re actually here to attend their wedding. So if you’ll all please take a seat around the tables, we’re going to kick off our celebrations with a short ceremony and what I’m sure will be some very teary vows.”

“That’s our cue,” Eddie murmurs as he rounds the corner. Buck watches Eddie as Bobby approaches them, tugging him in for one last kiss before Eddie is his husband. Eddie laughs against his lips, kissing him back then stepping away. “See you up there.”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “Don’t be late.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” Eddie whispers as Bobby settles a hand on Buck’s shoulder and steers him to the small walkway between the two tables that leads to the back of the garden. Buck is barely holding it together as he walks past their friends who are all grinning at him, and definitely sheds a few tears when he stops to hug Maddie. It gets worse when he turns and sees Eddie walking towards him with Abuela holding one arm and Christopher holding the other. Abuela kisses Eddie’s cheeks once he’s standing in front of Buck, then kisses Buck’s as well. Chris hugs them both and takes his seat in between Pepa and Abuela, grinning his life-lighting grin. Buck can’t believe he gets to be a parent to this kid. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Eddie whispers with a grin matching Christopher’s. Buck rolls his eyes and huffs out a weak laugh. 

“Loser,” Buck whispers back. Eddie leans in and kisses him quickly - just a peck, but it’s still met with wolf whistles. Bobby waits, patient as ever, before pulling notecards out of his jacket pocket. 

“Most of you know the story of how these two met - Buck, our intensely passionate and slightly reckless firefighter with a bigger capacity to love than I have ever encountered in a person before. Eddie, our dedicated and somewhat mysterious probie who I snagged out from under the noses of Station Six. Handpicked him, actually, for the sole purpose of partnering up with Buck,” Bobby reveals. Buck already knows this, but hearing it announced in front of everyone just affirms for him how much everyone else can see how they were destined for each other from the start (though Eddie won’t admit it because he doesn’t believe in destiny). 

“At the time, I predicted that the level-headed veteran with an almost perfect academy score would help to balance out the person giving me grey hairs before my time. What I could not have predicted, however, was that Eddie would end up being the one firefighter in my house who could not only match but at times exceed Buck’s energy while also somehow managing to balance him out.” Buck slips his hands into Eddie’s and squeezes tight, Eddie returning his grip as everyone chuckles. Bobby was right - there had been times, both on and off the field, where Buck had been surprised by Eddie going along with his crazy shit without batting an eyelid. Knowing Eddie had his back no matter what (well, unless Buck is being unnecessarily reckless) and will jump right in with him is one of the things Buck loves most about Eddie. 

“What I could not have predicted is us ending up here today - at least until I saw how they interacted with each other. Then I knew it was only a matter of time,” Bobby continues. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people better suited to each other than Buck and Eddie. In the time I’ve known Buck I've seen him risk his own life for others on far too many occasions. Then Eddie came along and I watched Buck start living for himself.”

“Fuck,” Eddie whispers, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and turning away from everyone else to wipe his face. “This isn’t supposed to be the part that makes me cry.”

“Oh I’m not done,” Bobby laughs. Buck plucks the handkerchief from Eddie’s hands and dries his own cheeks because yeah, this isn’t supposed to be the part that makes him cry. He doesn’t think he’s cried as much in the last five years as he has already today. 

“This isn’t fair,” Buck mutters. “I was given insufficient time to mentally prepare myself for this.”

“Buck up, Buckaroo,” Chimney pipes up and Maddie punches his arm. She’s crying too. 

“In getting to know Eddie over the last couple of years l’ve only become more sure of my decision to convince him to join us at the 118. Eddie is one of the most loyal, dependable, and genuine people I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering in my life. And to watch him find the happiness he deserves with a person who deserves it just as much has been one of the greatest honours of my life.” Bobby’s voice is wavering and the fleeting glance Buck manages at his family and friends shows him he’s not alone in being unable to stop the tears running down his cheeks. 

“This family unit standing before me is one the two of you have built together - surviving a tsunami, a well collapse, a train derailment, and likely multiple other near-death experiences we haven’t even noticed. And apparently a game of 20 Questions?”

“Hey, that game is still going,” Buck chokes out. “I’ve got four left.”

“Two,” Eddie corrects. 

“What?” Buck’s sure he had four, he’s been trying to keep count. 

“You’ve got two left,” Eddie chuckles. “But I think we can give you a bonus question for today.”

“That applies to you too,” Buck murmurs. “Now you’ve got two left.”

“Duh,” Eddie huffs. Buck lightly kicks his ankle as Bobby clears his throat with a raised eyebrow. 

“I was going to start by handing it over to Buck but if you two want to keep going…”

“We’re good,” Buck says quickly, because he’s gonna have to get his vows out now before he completely loses it. “Okay, uh. I’m gonna start with a question that now apparently doesn’t count as one of my twenty. What did you really think of me when we first met?”

“I don’t think vows are meant to be interactive,” Eddie laughs.

“When have I ever done what I’m supposed to do?” Buck asks, shooting Bobby an apologetic look. 

“When it matters,” Eddie murmurs. “That’s what I thought about you when we met. You may have been acting defensive and a little bratty -”

“Hey you admitted you liked that.”

“Still do. I could tell you are fiercely protective of the people you love and that when it matters you will always choose to do the right thing.” Eddie’s voice is even and certain, and he takes a step closer. They’re chest to chest and should probably keep a more respectable distance between them but Buck can’t bring himself to care right now. “A little insecure and unsure of exactly how you fit into the team. Bobby -”

“I was the hot one,” Buck interjects with a smirk, purely because he knows it’ll get a rise out of Chim and make Eddie laugh. He sees Chim’s face twitch out of the corner of his eye, mouthing the word ‘calendar’ at him. 

“Buck,” Eddie laughs. “Bobby had talked you up so much I was almost convinced he was lying just to get me on board. But he wasn’t. Plus I thought you were ridiculously smoking hot. Legs for days, and are you kidding me with those arms?”

“Hey, these are functional muscles,” Buck snorts. If he wasn’t acutely aware of his sister and Christopher sitting mere feet away from him he’d flex suggestively. Maybe later. Definitely later. 

“Oh I know,” Eddie hums. “You - uh, nothing I want to say right now is family friend. Carry on.”

“The second I saw you I felt the most intense flash of burning jealousy. I thought ‘you cannot be serious - this guy? With that hair and those abs?’ which was very on-brand for me,” Buck admits - not that he feels it’s much of a confession, it wasn’t exactly a secret. “Then I got to watch you work and god you were so damn competent and effortlessly cool and calm. I understood pretty quickly why everyone liked you so much, and then we went for coffee that one morning…Eddie, we’d known each other for two weeks and you already made me feel more seen than anybody ever had. And you’ve continued to do that over the two years we’ve known each other.”

“Two years and three months,” Eddie corrects softly, eyes glassy and cheeks flushed. 

“Two years and three months,” Buck echoes. “You’ve given me purpose. I don’t think I ever realised how lost I was until I met you and you helped me find myself. You’ve given me somewhere to belong - Eddie, you’ve given me a family. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love a person - you and Chris. I wake up every morning grateful for the choices I’ve made because they all lead me to this moment right here, getting to formally declare my insane love for you in front of the most important people in our lives.”

“He says like that he remembers we’re here,” Chim whispers. Maddie hits him again, and Buck ignores him. 

“You told me you’ve only had a small number of people in your life you could count on. I intend to be one of those people for the rest of our lives, and to be someone who helps you see yourself the way I see you,” Buck finishes. Eddie nods and sniffs, blinking rapidly as he slides a hand up Buck’s arm and squeezes his bicep. 

“I should have gone first,” he laughs. “Damnit. I’m gonna need a second.” 

“We’ve got the rest of our lives,” Buck grins. Maddie clears her throat from her seat and Eddie laughs again, nodding. 

“Okay, I’m good. When I first met you I was, uh. Doing just okay. Between everything with -” Eddie cuts himself off and shakes his head. “I swear I had stuff prepared, I just. Shit - sorry.”

“Hey,” Buck murmurs. “It’s me. Ignore them.”

“Ignore who?” Eddie chuckles, squeezing his eyes shut. “Right. I knew that you were it for me the day you drove me to pick Chris up after the earthquake. I mean, I knew I wanted you from the beginning. But watching you with Chris made me realise I’d found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Listening to you two talking about clouds is one of my favourite memories from the last few years. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever find someone who’d make me feel…so much like me. Someone who would slot into our lives so easily. There’s been a space carved out for you in our family my whole life. My only regret is that it took so long to find you.”

“Jesus, Eddie,” Buck chokes out. 

“I love you. I love the way you make me feel, the way you care so much, and the way you stepped up for me when I needed it the most. I promise to always be there to remind you how important you are, to be the guinea pig for your new cooking experiments, to be there to help you hide a body in the middle of the night, and to help you see yourself the way I see you,” Eddie vows. At this point Buck has dropped his head onto Eddie’s shoulder and is gripping his hips. 

“Can I kiss him yet?” Buck asks, turning his head to face Bobby. 

“Rings, Buck,” Bobby tells him gently. Athena steps forward and drops two gold-lined black bands into Bobby’s hand, brushing her hand over Buck and Eddie’s shoulders. “Eddie asked me to tweak this part a little. I’m sorry for any more tears this causes.”

“You’re a menace,” Buck whispers, barely able to hold himself back from kissing Eddie right now. It’s unfair, really, having to wait after Eddie said all that. But Buck wants to preserve the utter perfection of this moment, so he exercises his almost non-existent restraint and holds back. 

“You’re stuck with me for life,” Eddie murmurs.

“Thank god for that,” Buck replies with a choked laugh. 

“Buck,” Bobby starts, passing one of the rings to Buck. “With this ring do you promise to keep nerding out with Chris, keep the freezer stocked with mac and cheese, and always at least take a breath before jumping into dangerous rescues?”

“I do,” Buck laughs as he slides the ring onto Eddie’s finger. Bobby hands the other ring to Eddie whose hands are shaking slightly. 

“Eddie,” Bobby continues. “With this ring do you promise to always listen to Buck’s Wikipedia rambles, massage the knots out of his neck, and try your best to say what you’re feeling when you’re feeling it?”

“I do,” Eddie hums, slipping Buck’s ring on. It’s time now, right? Surely Buck can kiss him. 

“Now?” Buck asks and he hears laughter from somewhere. 

“We actually have one more surprise for both of you,” Bobby admits. “Christopher asked if he could say a few words.”

“Did you know about this?” Buck asks Eddie who shakes his head and turns as his son - their son - walks up to stand in front of them. He puts a hand on Buck’s arm to steady himself as Eddie grips his shoulder. Maddie has tears streaming down her face, Hen has taken her glasses off and is dabbing her eyes, and Eddie’s sisters have mascara tracks down their cheeks. Buck feels better about his own total loss of ability to control his emotions now. 

“When my dad met Buck he found a new best friend, and so did I,” Chris starts and goddamnit Buck isn’t going to survive this. He loves this kid so fucking much. “Buck is the best thing that has ever happened to our family, and Dad and I are so much happier with him around. We’re eating better food and Dad is a better cook now.”

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad,” Eddie protests weakly. 

“You were,” Chris counters and Buck snorts, covering his laugh with a cough. 

“Traitor,” Eddie mutters, knocking their shoulders together. And look, Eddie wasn’t terrible - there were a handful of simple dishes he did well (and he had a real knack for seasoning food perfectly - that awful soup aside). But Buck likes to think he’s taught Eddie some upgraded techniques and now they pretty much split the cooking fifty-fifty. 

“I have three parents who love me, and I know how lucky I am to have two dads who would do anything for me,” Chris continues, and him knowing that means everything to Buck. Growing up, Buck didn’t have parents who gave a shit about him. Eddie had grown up burdened with responsibilities beyond what any child should have been given. Chris understanding how loved he is, to the point that he wants to tell everyone about it, tells Buck he’s doing things right - that he and Eddie are doing things right. 

“We love you so much, bud,” Eddie tells him, voice tight and wobbly. He kisses the top of Chris’ head and reaches out, gripping Buck’s hand. Chris turns to Buck and holds his other hand. 

“Thank you for choosing me to be your kid,” he says simply, like it’s not the most wonderfully emotionally devastating thing Buck has ever heard. 

“Oh my god,” Buck croaks, crouching down to pick Chris up and hugging him tight enough that he squeaks a little. “Thank you for letting me be one of your dads. It’s my most favourite thing. I love you more than life.”

“I love you too,” Chris replies, voice muffled by Buck’s shoulder. Buck savours the moment, holding Chris a bit longer before setting him down and turning back to Bobby. 

“Bobby,” he pleads, because he might actually die if he can’t kiss Eddie (who is looking up at the sky and taking deep breaths, hand still tight around Buck’s) right the fuck now. 

“It is my absolute privilege,” Bobby chuckles, “to be able to pronounce you two legally wed.”

“Now?” Buck asks desperately. 

“Yes, Buck,” Bobby answers gently as everyone else laughs. “You can kiss him now.”

“Finally,” Buck breathes and grabs the lapels of Eddie’s jacket, hauling him forward and crushing their mouths together in a bruising kiss. Buck thinks maybe he can vaguely hear people cheering but all he’s processing is the incessant chant of ‘Eddie Eddie Eddie’ in his head. He slides one hand up to the middle of Eddie’s back and plants the other on the back of his head, twisting and dipping Eddie who yelps a little and grabs Buck’s biceps for balance. Eddie is his husband. They’re married and Eddie is his fucking husband. Buck is a Diaz in all but name (a trip to the courthouse on Monday will take care of that).

“I love you so fucking much,” Eddie murmurs against Buck’s lips as he lifts him back upright. 

“I love you too,” Buck sniffles, wiping his face as he pulls back. Eddie’s hands slide and cup his cheeks as he kisses him again, so soft Buck is going to cry again. 

“Do you think anyone would notice if we went home now?” Eddie whispers. 

“I think they might,” Buck replies. “But we can maybe get away with like thirty minutes to an hour of mingling before we Irish goodbye out of here.”

“I’ll give them forty minutes then we’re gone,” Eddie mutters. “I have got plans for you.”

“Yeah?” Buck breathes. Eddie’s eyes are sparkling and if it weren’t for the small crowd of people including his sister and their kid standing to his left, Buck would be dropping to his knees. 

“Chris is staying with the Wilson’s tonight,” Eddie tells him with a grin. “Hope you’re ready to cry again.”

“Okay guys, family and friends within earshot here,” Maddie says from her chair. Buck shrugs and kisses Eddie once more as Maddie slowly stands up and walks over.

“Who could maybe give us a little grace,” Buck huffs. “We just got married. My husband just surprised me with a wedding.”

“I’m aware,” Maddie chuckles. “I helped with the planning, you know. Can I hug you now? I need to pee again.”

“He’s all yours,” Eddie laughs, stepping back. “I’m going to go get Chris some food.”

“Don’t go too far,” Buck calls after him, bending down to hug his sister. Her hands smooth up and down his back as he rocks them gently. He wonders, fleetingly, what their parents would think if they could see them now. He quickly decides he doesn’t fucking care. 

“Look at you,” Maddie says, stepping back and grabbing his face. “Married with a kid.”

“Who would have ever thought I’d end up here, right?”

“I knew you would. You deserve this,” Maddie says insistently. “Eddie is good for you. You’re good for him.”

“Yeah,” Buck grins. “We’re pretty great together.”

—

They mingle for thirty-three minutes before slipping away and into Buck’s Jeep. It would have been twenty-eight but Buck had realised on their way to the door that they hadn’t danced at their own wedding and he didn’t want to live with that regret for the rest of their lives. 

“Just one song,” he insists, tugging Eddie back outside. He expects a little more resistance but Eddie gets this look in his eyes and grins as they reach a small open space off to the side, drawing Buck close as a slow song starts. Eddie’s hands slide up his back and he kisses him as they sway together. 

“Two songs?” Eddie asks, lips against Buck’s ear. 

“Maybe three,” Buck hums, locking his arms around Eddie’s waist. They turn, slowly, and suddenly Eddie is dipping Buck with a flourish. “What the fuck.”

“I did competitive ballroom dancing as a teen,” Eddie shrugs, pulling Buck up. “Soph and Adri will send you the photos.”

“I’m sorry what?” Buck gasps. “Ballroom - we’ve been together for almost two and a half years and you’re just now telling me you can dance?”

“You knew I could dance,” Eddie snorts. 

“A little Latin dancing you learned from Abuela, yeah. Ballroom dancing Eddie? That’s not something you hold back from the love of your life,” Buck hisses. Eddie simply laughs and dips him again, bending with him and kissing him for long enough that they both almost topple over. 

“Just wait,” Eddie murmurs. “Got one more surprise lined up for you.”

“Yeah we’re leaving now,” Buck says quickly, all but bolting out the door with Eddie in tow. Eddie is borderline dangerously handsy on their seventeen minute drive home, crowding Buck against the door as he unlocks it. 

“Step back,” Buck laughs. “I promised to carry you over the threshold.”

“Oh right,” Eddie murmurs, biting down on Buck’s shoulder through the jacket. “You just look so fucking hot in this suit.”

“We look hot in our suits, and they’re gonna look even better on the floor in around forty-five seconds,” Buck says before crouching down and hooking his arms around the back of Eddie’s thighs and throwing him over his shoulder. Eddie shrieks out a laugh as Buck opens the door and walks them through it, kicking it closed behind him and pulling at Eddie’s button down to untuck it from the dress pants. They make it to the bedroom in one piece and Buck throws Eddie down on the bed, taking his jacket off and dropping it to the ground before climbing over Eddie. 

“Hi.” Eddie grins up at him and starts buttoning Buck’s shirt. 

“Hey,” Buck breathes. “We’re married.”

“We’re married,” Eddie repeats, undoing the last button on Buck’s shirt. 

“You’re my husband,” Buck laughs, carefully shrugging the shirt off. 

“And you’re mine.” Eddie deftly undoes Buck’s belt, pushing his pants and underwear down together. Buck kicks them off and tugs desperately at Eddie’s jacket.

“You’re wearing too much clothing,” Buck whines. Eddie huffs out a laugh and flips them over, pinning Buck underneath him. “Take it off.”

“You could help,” Eddie snorts, leaning back to sit on his heels. The friction from Eddie’s pants against Buck’s skin is just the right side of painful, scraping along his bare thighs and cock. Buck whines and hitches his hips into the contact, grabbing the back of Eddie’s head and yanking him down to slide their lips together. Every time they do this there’s a part of Buck that can’t believe he gets to have Eddie like this, that he’s the only guy who will ever get to have Eddie like this. He thinks maybe another version of himself would be insecure about this - would worry that he can’t be the only guy who gets to have him like this, because what if there’s someone out there more compatible for him? What if Eddie is missing out on something better by being with Buck? And, okay, maybe this version of himself has had these thoughts a few times. But they usually don’t stick around for long because Eddie always does that thing with his tongue or wraps his huge hand around Buck’s cock like he’s doing right now and Buck’s ability to think flies out the window. 

“Fuck, Eddie,” Buck groans. He’s been half-hard from the moment Eddie told him that he wanted to marry Buck today. If he doesn’t get Eddie’s clothes off soon their wedding night is going to be over before it even starts and Eddie said he has plans for Buck. He watches as Eddie peels his jacket off and unbuttons his shirt, Buck making quick work of Eddie’s belt and zipper. The jacket ends up somewhere near the door, the shirt half in the hallway, pants and underwear on the floor at the end of the bed. Eddie’s in the process of toeing his socks off when Buck takes a second to breathe, tracing feather-light patterns down Eddie’s chest with his fingers. 

“There was so much more I wanted to say to you earlier,” Eddie murmurs, leaning down to brush his lips across Buck’s. “None of it appropriate for the audience we had.”

“Y-you, uh. Could just - you could tell me now,” Buck stutters, fingers stilling on Eddie’s abdomen. He’s tensing his muscles and Buck digs his fingers in a little, thoroughly enjoying the way it makes Eddie squirm as he fully settles himself on top of Buck. 

“I think you need to ask me,” Eddie whispers, kissing just below Buck’s ear. “Use one of your questions.”

“That’s not fair,” Buck whines. He sucks a sharp breath in through his teeth as Eddie nips the sensitive skin on his jaw, kissing down to Buck’s neck where he leaves what is definitely going to be an extremely obvious hickey tomorrow. 

“Oh well,” Eddie hums with a shrug. “Guess you’ll never know.”

“You’re the worst,” Buck groans. “Hey Eddie, this is one of my questions - what could you not say in front of our friends and family today?”

“Good boy,” Eddie smirks, far too delighted by the whimper Buck lets out. “I wanted to tell you how many different shades of blue your eyes are - light and clear when you’re happy, a little darker and brighter when you’re really focused on something you like.”

“What do they look like right now?”

“Your pupils are blown so wide I can only see a small ring of blue, but it’s dark and fucking sparkling,” Eddie tells him, fingers brushing over Buck’s eyebrows. “That shade of blue is only for me.”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “Only for you. Yours - Eddie, they’re just always so warm. Every time I look at you - every single time I look at you and find you already looking back I feel safer than I ever have. You’ve got these gold flecks around the pupils when the light catches them, and right now they are the richest shade of brown that exists.”

“Sap,” Eddie sniffles, voice muffled into Buck’s shoulder. “Here I was about to say something about that filthy fucking mouth you’ve got on you and you go and say something like that.”

“You could still talk about my filthy mouth,” Buck murmurs, leaning up to kiss Eddie. Eddie’s mouth immediately opens up for him, their tongues meeting and Buck doing his best to remind Eddie how filthy his mouth can be. 

“Mm, I think I’d rather talk about your chest,” Eddie hums as he runs his fingers over Buck’s pecs, “or your stomach. Or maybe your ass.”

“My ass? You’ve seen yours, right?” Buck laughs, grabbing Eddie’s ass with both hands. “Mine is no comparison.”

“The next thing I wanted to talk about was this pretty cock of yours,” Eddie whispers, stroking Buck slowly. “But I think I’d rather just have you stick it in my ass, since you like it so much.”

“Oh fuck,” Buck moans, arching into Eddie’s touch. “Yes, god. Please. Pass me -”

“I got it,” Eddie chuckles. “You just lie there looking pretty.”

“I can do that,” Buck laughs breathlessly, dropping his head back onto the pillow and closing his eyes. He hears Eddie grabbing the bottle of lube and the click of the cap opening, whimpering as he’s slicked up and waits for Eddie to get himself ready. What he gets instead is Eddie sinking straight down onto his cock with a shuddering moan and the weight of Eddie’s body as he leans down to cover Buck’s mouth with his own. 

“Holy fucking shit Eddie,” Buck gasps, grabbing Eddie’s hips like a lifeline. “What the fuck.”

“Oh, did I not tell you I put this in before we left earlier?” Eddie asks, sitting back up with a butt plug in one hand. 

“No you did not tell me,” Buck moans. “You think I would have been acting anywhere close to normal if I knew that? You - holy shit Eddie, you had that in while we stood up in front of everyone and said our vows.”

“I did,” Eddie affirms, shifting his hips and grinning. “Told you I had one more surprise for you.”

“Okay yep great, time to follow through,” Buck pleads. “Move that fantastic ass of yours.”

“Sure thing, husband,” Eddie whispers, sliding his hands up Buck’s chest as he starts to move. He rocks his hips as Buck gets a hand on his dick, stroking him in time with his movements. 

“Anything else you wanted to tell me today?” Buck asks. Eddie laughs and braces himself with one hand next to Buck’s head, grabbing Buck’s free hand with the other. 

“These hands of yours,” Eddie murmurs, lifting Buck’s hand to his mouth and kissing his palm. “Are fucking amazing. The things you do with them drive me insane, and not just in the bedroom.”

“Okay, again - you’ve seen yours, right? Your fingers? Jesus, Eddie,” Buck whimpers. “Your hands are so fucking huge.”

“Just like other parts of me,” Eddie grins, his breathing becoming more erratic and his movements sloppy. He’s close, and so is Buck - they may have fucked only a few hours ago, but Buck is pent up from the overwhelming emotions of the day. He speeds up his hand on Eddie’s dick, moving his own hips to meet Eddie’s as he lifts himself up. They don’t quite come at the same time but it’s close enough that Buck feels aftershocks ripple through him as Eddie clenches around his dick and spills between them. 

“Fuck,” Buck laughs breathlessly. “I love you so fucking much.”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes as he lifts himself off Buck and collapses on the bed next to him. “Love you too. So much.”

“We got married today,” Buck murmurs, rolling over to wrap himself around Eddie. 

“I know,” Eddie chuckles. “I was there.”

“You organised a wedding for us.” Buck tightens the arm he’s got around Eddie’s waist and pushes his nose into Eddie’s neck, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. 

“I had help, but yes.”

“You’re the best,” Buck mumbles. 

“I know,” Eddie sighs, squirming away as Buck digs his fingers into the fleshy part of Eddie’s waist. “We should shower.”

“And order Chinese.”

“Watch Law and Order?” Eddie suggests, climbing off the bed and reaching out for Buck who scrambles off after him. 

“Wildest wedding night ever,” Buck grins. Eddie tugs Buck down by the back of his neck and kisses him softly. 

“Best wedding night ever.”

Chapter Text

They’ve been married for six months when someone leaves a baby at the station. Six months of Buck officially being a Diaz, six months of pissing everyone at the station off by referring to each other as such. 

“Hey Diaz?” Buck says with a grin. 

“Yes, Diaz?” Eddie replies, chin resting on his hand. 

“Pass me the salt please, Diaz.”

“You got it, Diaz.” Eddie sighs, passing the salt shaker to Buck and kissing his cheek. 

“Hey Diazes?” Chim pipes up from across the table. 

“Yes?” They answer together and Hen drops her head onto the table with a thud. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

It’s late when it happens - or early, depending on who you ask. The rest of the team are attempting to catch some sleep before the alarm goes off again. Eddie is sitting on the kitchen bench as Buck preps stuff for breakfast, stealing pieces of fruit and peppers when they hear the cry. 

“Is that a baby?” Buck asks quietly, hands stilling. They hear it again and abandon the meal prep, taking the stairs two at a time. They find a cardboard box near the door entrance with a blanket-wrapped baby inside. There’s a note on top that reads ‘I’m sorry. Please find someone who can take care of her better than I can’. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Eddie coos, lifting the baby up. 

“I’ll go get the others,” Buck says, already halfway to the bunks. They rouse quickly and follow Buck back out to where Eddie is rocking the baby and singing to her softly as she cries. 

“Oh she’s so tiny,” Hen murmurs as she grabs her med kit. Bobby is already phoning social services, Chim is commenting on how she’s not as cute as Jee-Yun, and Buck is frozen in place. The baby looks so small and so safe in Eddie’s arms, calming down as Eddie bounces her gently.

“You okay there Buck?” Bobby asks as he hangs up the phone. 

“Huh? Oh, uh yeah. T-totally okay,” Buck stammers, his heart thudding in his chest. He knew he wanted to broach the topic of kids with Eddie at some point, desperately wanting to raise another little genius (or non-genius, he honestly doesn’t care) with him. Chris would be an amazing big brother, and the idea of watching Eddie bounce their baby and sing to them in the middle of the night fills Buck with pangs of longing. Eddie catches his eye and grins, carefully passing the baby over to Hen to be properly checked over. 

“You sure? You look a little flushed,” Eddie teases, sauntering over.  

“Shut up,” Buck mutters. “Sue me, you look good with a baby in your arms.”

“Oh yeah? You should hold her too - y’know, to balance things out,” Eddie murmurs, standing as close to Buck as he can without people whinging about PDA in the workplace. 

“Vitals are strong,” Hen comments. “She’s a healthy girl, likely around six weeks old. Social services on their way?”

“Someone will be here in the next two hours,” Bobby tells them. Hen walks over with the baby and offers her to Buck, placing her gently in his arms. She’s got dark hair and a tiny button nose, her pink lips slightly pursed as she starts fussing again. 

“Oh baby,” Buck whispers. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. We’re gonna get you somewhere safe, yeah? There are people coming who are gonna find you a beautiful home with someone who can look after you properly.”

“Did you guys see the person who left her?”

“No,” Eddie answers, eyes on Buck. “Doesn’t really matter though, does it? Safe haven laws protect them from prosecution. She’s unharmed and in good health. Whoever dropped her here obviously realised they weren’t capable of looking after her.”

“It’s better for her to be surrendered than neglected,” Buck says quietly, adjusting the blanket around the baby. She’s dozing off now, snuffling sleepily in Buck’s arms. Eddie is still staring at him. 

“Which is part of why those laws were put in place,” Bobby says. “Let’s get her upstairs, we’ve got formula and bottles in case she gets hungry. Buck, are you okay being man behind with her if we get called out?”

“Yes,” Buck answers without hesitation. Eddie places a guiding hand on his lower back as Buck carefully makes his way up the stairs, slowly lowering himself onto the couch with the baby now sleeping soundly. 

“You look good,” Eddie murmurs, sitting next to Buck. “She seems so tiny in your arms.”

“She is so tiny,” Buck chuckles quietly. Eddie hooks his chin over Buck’s shoulder, ignoring Chim’s muttering somewhere to their left.

“I can’t imagine being so overwhelmed you get to the point of needing to give your baby up,” Hen says quietly. “That would be such a hard choice to make.”

“Sometimes when it gets to that point it’s the only choice,” Chim adds. “Whoever left that baby here knew she’d be cared for.”

“I hope whoever it is gets the help they need,” Buck hums. Eddie presses a quick featherlight kiss to Buck’s cheek as the alarm goes, the baby startling awake and screaming. Bobby claps his shoulder as they hurry past, Buck standing to rock the tiny girl back to sleep. He covers her ears as best as he can until the trucks have pulled out and the alarm stops. She doesn’t take long to settle back down, and the social worker arrives before Eddie and the others come back. 

“She looks well cared for,” the worker, Mitch, notes as Buck reluctantly hands the baby over. 

“Her vitals are strong. One of our paramedics thinks she’s around six weeks old,” Buck tells him, hovering close and watching as the baby’s eyes blink open. They’re a similar shade of brown to Eddie’s and Buck thinks he’s ready to use his last question when they’re back home in the next couple of hours. 

“Yeah I’d say that’s about right,” Mitch says. “Take my card in case whoever left her comes back, yeah? Even if they don’t want to be involved, it'll be helpful to at least have medical history.”

“What happens to her now?” Buck asks, rocking back on his heels as he slides the card into his pocket. He feels fidgety and restless, sad to see this little girl go even though she was only with him for an hour or so. 

“We’ve secured emergency placement for her for the night. After that we start looking for long term foster homes and eventual adoption if the biological parents don’t step forward,” Mitch explains. “She’s in good hands.”

“Okay,” Buck breathes. “That’s good. She’s - she seems pretty chill. She was mostly sleeping so I don’t know when she was last fed. Didn’t seem hungry.”

“Thanks,” Mitch smiles. “I’d better get this little one out of here before those trucks come back.”

“Engines,” Buck corrects. “She didn’t like the loud noises before, but she settled quickly.”

“Yep, babies tend to not like sudden loud noises,” Mitch chuckles. “Thanks again.”

“Yeah no problem,” Buck murmurs. “Bye, baby girl. Good luck.” Buck watches as Mitch buckles the baby into a car seat and pulls out of the station, more determined than ever to use his last question. 

—

Eddie flops onto the couch with a loud groan when they get home just under two hours later, patting the space next to him with his eyes closed. Buck stands, twisting his fingers and chewing his bottom lip as he watches Eddie carefully. 

“Stop staring at me, Buck,” Eddie murmurs. “Come sit so I can make out with you instead.”

“I, uh,” Buck coughs. “I want to use my last question.”

“Oh?” Eddie opens his eyes and sits up a little straighter, taking Buck’s hand and tugging him closer. “You can sit down to do that, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. I - I know, uh -”

“Hey,” Eddie says quietly, squeezing his hand. “Unless you’re about to ask me for a divorce you don’t need to be this worried.”

“Divorce - what the fuck, Eddie. No,” Buck sputters, shaking his head. Buck’s pretty sure there’s nothing that could happen that would make him ask for that. 

“Okay, spit it out then,” Eddie goads gently. Buck takes a deep breath because this is a big question, and while he’s reasonably confident Eddie will say yes there’s a chance he doesn’t want this with Buck. 

“Do you want to have a baby? W-with me?” Buck says in a rush, studying Eddie’s face. His nose scrunches and he looks confused and oh god he’s going to say no. 

“That doesn’t count as one of your questions,” Eddie tells him and now Buck is confused. 

“What?”

“You already asked me that,” Eddie snorts. “Like three years ago, before we even started dating.”

“Wh- no, I asked if you thought you’d ever have more kids. That’s not the same thing.”

“And I believe my response was something along the lines of if I met the right person and the timing was right then I’d love to give Chris a sibling,” Eddie murmurs, squeezing Buck’s hand again. “You’re my person. Timing feels right.”

“So…yes?” Buck asks tentatively. 

“Yes,” Eddie laughs. “Let’s have another kid.” Buck all but jumps into Eddie’s lap, crushing their mouths together and sliding his hands through Eddie’s hair. 

“Bedroom,” he gasps, pulling back. He stands and pulls Eddie with him, tugging off their clothing as they make their way down the hall. They don’t have to pick Chris up until the evening, and Buck plans on making very good use of the empty house. 

“You know you can’t get me pregnant right,” Eddie reminds Buck breathlessly. 

“I can try,” Buck mutters as he pushes Eddie onto the bed. As far as their usual sex goes it’s pretty tame - they’re both exhausted after a long shift. But they’re in Buck’s favourite position (both of them on their side, one of Eddie’s hands reaching back to hold onto Buck’s head, their bodies pressed together from head to toe) and Eddie is a little looser with the noises he makes. 

“A valiant effort,” Eddie yawns after they finish and half-heartedly clean themselves up. “But I don’t think I’m pregnant.”

“Guess we’ll just have to try again after a nap,” Buck murmurs, tucking himself into Eddie’s side. “And maybe then start discussing how we’re actually going to do this.”

“I have some ideas, been doing some research,” Eddie mumbles. “Let’s wait to tell Chris until we have a solid plan, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Buck agrees as sleep starts to pull him under. “No point getting his hopes up yet.”

“Love you,” Eddie whispers, kissing the top of Buck’s head. Buck manages to return the sentiment before he falls asleep in Eddie’s arms. 

—

“I’m thinking surrogacy,” Eddie says casually over breakfast the next morning. Chris is getting ready for school, out of earshot, and Buck freezes with his coffee mug halfway to his mouth. 

“Oh. Uh, yeah. I mean I considered that as an option,” Buck starts, setting his mug down on the table. “But I didn’t know how we’d decide which one of us would, y’know. Donate.”

“Donate?” Eddie laughs. “Please elaborate on that for me.”

“You know what I mean,” Buck huffs, lightly kicking Eddie under the table. “How do we decide who’d be the biological parent?”

“It’d be you,” Eddie answers like that’s the obvious choice. Buck blinks rapidly, opening and closing his mouth as Eddie smirks at him over his piece of toast. 

“Why do you say that it’s the obvious choice?” Buck whispers. 

“We’re already raising a kid that’s biologically half mine,” Eddie shrugs. “Makes sense that the next one would be biologically half yours.”

“Oh sure, makes sense,” Buck replies weakly. He can’t lie - he does love the idea of having a child that’s biologically his, but it was never something he needed. Not with Eddie. Any kid he has with Eddie, however they make it happen, will be theirs and he’ll love them just as much as he loves Chris - with every fibre of his being. 

“Just think about it while I run Chris to school, yeah? I can send you all the stuff I’ve been looking at.” Eddie kisses the top of Buck’s head and squeezes his shoulders as he heads towards the front door.

“Bye Buck!” Chris calls out.

“Love you buddy, have a good day,” Buck calls back, phone dinging repeatedly as Eddie sends him a bunch of links. He’s just about through all the websites and articles when Eddie walks back in almost an hour later. 

“Fucking LA traffic,” he groans, flopping into the chair next to Buck. “How you doing?”

“I - are you sure about the surrogacy thing? Because if you’re sure I’m totally on board,” Buck says anxiously. Eddie hooks a finger under Buck’s chin and turns his head to force eye contact. 

“Buck,” Eddie murmurs. “I’ve had all that stuff saved for months. I’m sure about this.”

“So we’re doing this? W-we’re gonna find a surrogate and have a baby?” Buck breathes, grinning. 

“We’re doing this,” Eddie grins back. “Let’s make some calls.”

—

They sit Chris down that evening to talk to him after dinner. They’d been in touch with a couple of agencies and had settled on one, setting up a meeting with a potential surrogate for their next forty eight off. Her name is Louisa - she’s been a surrogate for three other queer couples and moved to LA from Mexico when she was a teen. 

“Maybe this one will look like me a little,” Eddie snorts. “Chris looks more like you than me.”

“Maybe we’ll just end up raising two blue-eyed curly haired kids,” shrugs Buck as Chris makes his way into the kitchen after using the bathroom. 

“Two kids?” Chris scrunches his nose and looks between the two of them. 

“Yeah, uh,” Buck clears his throat and pulls up chairs for himself and Chris. Eddie sits on the other side of the table. “We’re, um. We’re -”

“You might be a big brother soon,” Eddie graciously jumps in. 

“Is Mom having a baby?” Chris asks, eyes wide and blinking. “She didn’t tell me.”

“No, buddy. Buck and I are going to have a baby,” Eddie tells him gently. “We’ve got a meeting with -”

“No,” Chris says suddenly. Buck hears Eddie’s breath catch in his throat and feels his own throat tighten. 

“No? Chris, we -”

“No,” Chris says again more emphatically. “I don’t want to be a big brother here.”

“Hey, come on. Being a big brother can be a lot of fun,” Eddie says, moving to kneel in front of Chris. “I know it’s a big change and that can be hard sometimes, but this is something Buck and I have been wanting for a while now.”

“NO!” Chris yells, swiping the salad bowl on the table onto the floor. It shatters as Chris leaves the kitchen, walking down the hallway and slamming his bedroom door shut. Buck sits frozen in his chair, Eddie looking equally shell-shocked from his spot still kneeling on the ground. 

“Shit,” Buck breathes after a minute. “That was, uh. Not how I thought that conversation would go.”

“No,” Eddie croaks. “Me either. We should go talk to him.”

“Talk to me first,” Buck says, standing to help Eddie off the ground - he’s surrounded by broken glass and mixed lettuce leaves. 

“I don’t - I really thought he’d be excited,” Eddie murmurs. “Things are good at the moment, and you’ve seen him with Jee - he adores her.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s upset - he doesn’t want things to change,” Buck suggests as he grabs the broom. Eddie sinks into the chair Buck had been occupying and drops his head into his hands. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Eddie sighs. He’s not looking at Buck and it’s creating an uneasy tension in the room. Buck has to believe this will work out - Chris is a good kid, a happy kid. He probably just needs some time to adjust to the idea. 

“Hey,” Buck murmurs, sweeping the mess up and dumping it in the bin. He sits in the chair Chris had been in and takes Eddie’s face into his hands, tilting it up and kissing him gently. “We’ll work it out. Chris will come around, he might just need some time. There’s a baby that hasn’t been born yet that is ours, this is going to happen for us.”

“I need to use one of my questions,” Eddie says, wringing his hands in his lap. Buck takes them into his own and squeezes, a little surprised he’s the calm one out of the two of them right now. 

“Sure.”

“If Chris doesn’t come around - if…if we can’t make this happen, is that going to be a deal breaker for you?” Eddie whispers and Buck feels like he’s been doused in a bucket of ice water. “I can’t - Buck, I can’t do this if it’s going to upset Chris this much. I know if we were a heterosexual couple and one of us got pregnant he’d just have to deal with it, and I’m not saying we need his permission to have a baby. But this is his home too and I want him to know that he has a say in any big changes and that we’ll always listen to him, and -”

“Eddie,” Buck breathes, cutting off his spiral. “Not a deal-breaker. I don’t think there’s anything that could happen that would make me want to leave you. I love you and Chris so much. You two are my whole world, and if it’s just the three of us for the rest of our lives I’ll be perfectly happy.”

“Are you sure? You want more kids, Buck.”

“Not if I can’t have them with you I don’t,” Buck says firmly. “If we end up not being able to do this, yeah - I’ll be disappointed for a bit, but you and Chris are more than enough for me.”

“Okay,” Eddie chuckles, sniffing and rubbing his eyes. “You’re enough for me too, you know. And you’re right, he might just need time.”

“Do you want to go talk to him? I can keep cleaning,” Buck offers. He feels a little better, but he’s still anxious because he’s been anticipating Chris being happy about this news - maybe even excited. Buck’s not entirely sure how to navigate what just happened. 

“Can you? I just need a minute,” Eddie says. They may have been together for close to three years at this point, married for six months, but it still surprises Buck a little every time Eddie defaults to him for stuff with Chris. He loves it, it makes him feel like a dad - makes him feel so trusted. 

“Sure,” Buck smiles. He kisses Eddie as he stands, hugging him tight and melting a little as he’s squeezed back. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Eddie murmurs. Buck makes his way down the hallway, knocking softly on Christopher’s door. 

“Go away,” comes an angry mutter from behind the door.

“It’s Buck. Can I come in to talk for just a minute? Then I’ll leave you alone,” Buck tells him. It’s silent for a few seconds before the door clicks open, revealing Chris without his glasses and tear stained cheeks. “Oh, buddy.”

“I don’t want a baby,” he sniffles. “Why do we need a baby?”

“Well, we don’t need one,” Buck starts, stepping through the doorway and partially closing the door behind him. “But your dad and I want to have one.”

“Why?” Chris asks. “Babies change everything.”

“They change a lot of things, yeah. But a baby won’t change how much we love you - nothing will change that,” Buck assures him. “Nothing will ever change that.”

“But you’ll love the new baby more than me,” Chris mutters. Buck sits next to him on the bed and puts a tentative arm around his shoulders. Chris leans into him and Buck tightens his grasp, kissing the top of Christopher’s head. 

“When the baby comes I’ll just have even more love to give so you both get the same amount,” Buck assures him. “But right now I don’t love anything or anyone more than I love you.”

“Even Dad?”

“Especially Dad,” Buck chuckles. “But don’t tell him that.”

“Dad heard that,” Eddie says from the other side of the door as Chris giggles. “Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Chris answers quietly. They both shuffle over to make space for Eddie on the bed on Christopher’s other side.

“You okay, bud? You’ve got me a little worried here,” Eddie says quietly. 

“I don’t want to live with Mom all the time,” Chris finally confesses. “I like it here with you and Buck.”

“Why would you have to do that?” Eddie asks. Buck feels heartbroken - he spent his entire childhood feeling unwanted, like his parents would have given anything to have another family member they could have shipped him off to. Knowing Chris feels that way is crushing Buck, but this isn’t about him. He takes a deep breath in through his nose and Eddie meets his eyes over Chris’ head, his hand sliding along the arm Buck still has around Christopher’s shoulders. 

“We only have two bedrooms. Joseph’s mom just had a baby and he has to stay with his dad until his mom can find a new apartment with an extra bedroom,” Chris tells them, staring at his hands. 

“Oh, buddy,” Eddie murmurs. “That won’t happen with us, we’ll find a new place before the baby comes. And even if we didn’t we’d have the baby in our room, because your room is your room.  And this is your home.”

“Babies are loud.”

“They can be. So if you want to stay at Mom’s more, we can work something out. But know that we want you here - always. And we miss you when you’re gone,” Buck croaks. “How you feel is important to us.”

“I miss you when I’m not here too,” Chris admits. “I’m sorry I smashed the bowl.”

“Yeah, that was not great,” Eddie sighs. “We’re gonna work together to learn how to handle our frustration a little better, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris agrees. “And I think…maybe being a big brother would be kind of cool.”

“Yeah?” Buck breathes. Chris nods and smiles, leaning over quickly to hug Eddie. Buck hugs them both, sagging against them as Eddie kisses the top of their heads. 

“Now just to be clear - there is no baby yet,” Eddie clarifies. “But we’ve got a meeting with someone who might be able to grow the baby for us in a few days, and if that all goes well we might have a little sibling for you in a year or so.”

“That’s a long time,” Chris comments. Buck agrees - it is a long time, feels like a lifetime. But it will be so worth it. 

“It’ll be worth the wait,” Eddie says, reading Buck’s mind. Chris seems alright now, so Eddie tells him he can have fifteen minutes on his tablet before he needs to go to bed. 

“I think we handled that pretty well,” Buck breathes as they head back to the kitchen and start loading the dishwasher. 

“We make a good team,” Eddie hums. “We’ll need that when they gang up on us.”

“Hey we’ll totally be the cool parents who find the perfect balance between friends and authority figures,” Buck says, pointing a serving spoon at Eddie who is now wiping down the table. Eddie snorts and steps into Buck’s space, sliding his arms around Buck’s waist and kissing him lightly. 

“Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but we’re in our late twenties. By the time we want them to think we’re cool we’ll be well into our thirties and past our prime,” Eddie snorts. Buck huffs and kicks the dishwater closed without looking, arms around Eddie’s neck as he starts to sway them gently. 

“Whatever. As long as they know how loved they are and they don’t have a childhood like either of us had, we'll be doing a good job.”

“I knew there was a reason I married you,” Eddie murmurs, kissing Buck again. 

“I thought that was my smoking hot body,” Buck teases. 

“Nah, that’s just the bonus gift with purchase,” Eddie grins. “And just for the record, it will be an honour to raise two curly-haired blue-eyed kids with you.”

“I dunno, I’m kind of hoping we somehow get one that looks at least a little like you,” Buck murmurs. “Maybe one that has your complexion.”

“You know that’s not -” 

“Hey, Louisa’s skin colour is pretty similar to yours,” Buck argues. “There’s a chance.”

“If she agrees to help us,” Eddie counters. 

“She will,” Buck shrugs. “We’re fucking delightful.”

—

Things move faster than they expected. The meeting with Louisa goes well - really well, actually. She’s the kind of woman Buck had imagined himself ending up with before he realised men were an option for him too (and before he met Eddie obviously). Louisa is sweet and funny, and by the end of the meeting they’ve already set up medical appointments and a potential insemination date. 

Six weeks later Louisa calls to tell them she’s pregnant. Buck cries, Eddie cries, Maddie cries, and Chris seems genuinely excited. They start looking at three bedroom houses in the area and find somewhere only slightly further from the station (but closer to Christopher’s school) and are moved in by the time Louisa hits the four month mark. 

They can’t make it to all of Louisa’s appointments, but they always check in with her after the ones they aren’t able to attend. They do make it to her eighteen week scan, slightly on edge after a scare two weeks earlier after Louisa had a fall. 

“Everything looks good,” the doctor tells them and Buck deflates in his chair. Eddie lets out a long and slow breath next to him, loosening the death grip he had on Buck’s hand. “Do we want to know the sex of the baby?”

“No,” Buck and Eddie answer in unison. Louisa snorts and waves off the doctor's confused look as she reminds her that it’s their baby.

“I’m just the incubator,” she says. “Unless your question is directly related to my health, I’m not the one you need to ask.”

“That’s our baby in there,” Buck murmurs, mostly to himself as Eddie thanks the doctor and leads him out the door. 

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asks Louisa when they take her out for coffee after the appointment. 

“Good,” Louisa smiles. “My energy levels are good, the morning sickness has stopped, I’m sleeping fine. Me and Bub are doing well.”

“Okay,” Eddie breathes. “Okay. That’s good.”

“How’s the nursery coming along?”

“We finally settled on ‘Mystic Morning’ for the walls,” Buck tells her. “It’s a pale blue-ish purple. Cot is sitting in boxes, we’ve got more furniture coming in the next week or so. Chris has started a series of drawings called ‘New Baby’ for the walls.”

“Oh I can’t wait to see those,” Louisa enthuses. “I love the one of my dog he did. It’s sitting framed on my mantle.”

“He’s got a good eye for art,” Buck grins. 

“Yeah he doesn’t get that from either of us,” Eddie snorts. “That’s all Shannon.”

“Hey,” Buck says, wounded. He’s very proud of the pink and yellow heart he drew for Eddie while helping Chris with his homework the other day, thank you very much. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie soothes, smacking a loud kiss onto Buck’s cheek. “Your heart was beautiful. Belongs in a gallery. Definitely a collectors item.”

“Yeah okay,” Buck scoffs with an eye roll, shoving Eddie away from him. Louise watches them with a grin on her face and one hand on her stomach. That’s their baby in there. 

“As long as you don’t make me frame your attempt at drawing that dog you saw on the street corner,” Eddie shudders. 

“Oh no, I burned that,” Buck tells him. “The eyes - they weren’t right.”

“They followed me around the room,” Eddie agrees. “Burning it was the right choice.”

“Almost set the kitchen bin alight though.”

“Good thing we’re firefighters,” Eddie nods sagely. ‘Good thing I was quick with the glass of water in my hand’, Buck thinks to himself. Eddie doesn’t have to know just how close they came to losing their kitchen (and neither does the woman carrying their baby). 

—

When Louisa is seven months along Buck and Eddie take Christopher to Big Bear for their last Christmas as a trio. They rent a small cabin, shelling out way too much money for a lakefront spot. Neither Eddie nor Chris had seen snow before, so Buck was insistent on making it happen. 

“Okay,” Eddie sighs as they stand on the shoreline. “This was worth it.”

“Told you,” Buck grins. He’s standing behind Eddie with, arms wrapped around his waist and chin hooked over his shoulder. Chris is carefully forming snowballs to their right and Buck is keeping a close eye on him, ready for the inevitable attack. 

“He’s gonna start throwing them at us you know,” Eddie whispers, turning his head to look at Christopher who smiles at them sweetly, trying to wriggle in front of the snowballs. 

“If we move really slowly,” Buck murmurs, detaching himself from Eddie at a glacial pace, “we can maybe make at least one each before he starts.”

“ATTACK!” Chris yells and throws the first snowball, hitting Buck square in the chest. He’s got an entirely unfair upper hand, with Buck and Eddie frantically making misshapen snowballs as they’re pelted with snow themselves. There’s snow in Buck’s hair and down the back of his jacket, his fingers are freezing because he’s not wearing gloves, and Eddie is wiping snow off his face. Chris finally runs out of snowballs and Eddie calls time out, guiding them both back inside to change their clothes and make some hot chocolate on the stove. 

“Early night tonight,” Eddie tells Chris as he licks marshmallow off his fingers. “We’re going to get up early and watch the sunrise tomorrow, go for a walk along the lake.”

“Smart,” Buck mutters quietly. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and getting Chris up early will mean he goes to bed early, leaving them plenty of time to throw together the ridiculously extravagant decorations and stack of gifts they’ve brought with them.

“Can we have hot chocolates for breakfast too?” Chris asks, marshmallow smeared across his cheek and chocolate powder staining his teeth. 

“On Christmas Day, sure,” Buck answers. “We gotta balance it out with something that has more nutritional value tomorrow.”

“I could have some strawberries on the side,” Chris suggests. Eddie laughs like the traitor he is, dodging the cushion Buck flings at him. 

“Eggs for breakfast tomorrow,” Buck says. “With strawberries on the side.”

“Okay,” Chris sighs, shoulders slumping. “I guess that’s fine.”

“You like my eggs,” Buck pouts. “So yes, it will be fine. You’ll survive.”

“I like your eggs,” Eddie assures him, crawling across the floor to where Buck is sitting. “Love them, even.”

“Is that so?” Buck is grinning as Eddie kisses him with an exaggerated mwah sound, much to the disgust of Christopher. 

“I’m ready for bed now,” he announces loudly. “I’m going to brush my teeth.”

“Aww are you sure? You don’t want to stay out here with us?” Buck asks, wrapping himself around Eddie like a pretzel. The fire crackling nearby is warm but Eddie is warmer, his pink cheeks hot against Buck’s and his stubble perfectly scratchy. They need to get Christopher into bed now. 

“Goodnight, Buck,” Christopher says as he leaves the room. 

“Goodnight Chris, love you,” Buck calls after him, tightening his grip on Eddie who laughs and wriggles free. 

“I should go make sure he actually brushes his teeth,” he murmurs, kissing Buck with a frankly ridiculous amount of tongue before hauling himself up off the ground. “Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be back for you.”

“Or you could stay,” Buck murmurs, voice low. “Trust that our nine year old who is notoriously bad at properly brushing his teeth will do it right without supervision this one time.”

“He ate enough marshmallows to burn a hole in half his teeth, so I’m gonna go make sure we don’t get slammed with a bunch of dental bills,” Eddie chuckles. “We’re about to have a baby, you know. They’re pretty expensive.”

“I know,” Buck mutters. “Go. Be a responsible parent. Then come back here so we can do something irresponsible.”

“How - how irresponsible are we talking here?” Eddie’s voice wavers as Buck smirks up at him from the floor. 

“Make sure he’s asleep asleep and I’ll show you,” Buck murmurs, sliding a hand up Eddie’s leg to grab a handful of his ass. Eddie stares at the ceiling as he exhales slowly, then leans down to kiss Buck again before following Christopher. 

Buck waits an excruciating eight minutes for Eddie to return, throwing an extra log into the fireplace and laying a blanket down in front of it on the floor. Eddie walks back in and closes the door into the living room behind him, immediately lying down on the blanket. 

“Hi,” he grins. 

“Hi,” Buck hums, crawling over and straddling his husband (sometimes he still can’t believe they’re married). Eddie’s hands slide up Buck’s back and pull him down, immediately grinding his hips into Buck’s. 

“Wanna fuck you in front of this fireplace,” Eddie groans.

“Such a cliche,” Buck teases. “But yes please.”

“Take your pants off, Buck,” Eddie breathes. They strip quickly and rush through the foreplay and in what feels like the blink of an eye Buck is riding Eddie, bracing himself with his hands on Eddie’s chest. 

“How is this so good every time,” Buck moans as Eddie jerks him off fast and dirty. “Three years together and it’s still fucking mind blowing every. Damn. Time.”

“It’s us,” Eddie laughs breathlessly. “It’s going to be like this for the rest of our lives.”

“Damn fucking right oh god,” Buck whimpers as he comes all over Eddie’s chest, Eddie following him seconds later. Buck collapses, plastering their sweaty and sticky bodies fully together. 

“We need to take full advantage of the next couple of baby free months,” Eddie pants, nuzzling his nose into Buck’s hair. “More couch sex when Chris is with Shannon.”

“Sure,” Buck murmurs, kissing Eddie’s neck. “Kitchen too. So much bench space.”

“Shower’s pretty big,” Eddie hums. “And we’re not in the 118 response area anymore, so if we have a super embarrassing slip and fall it’ll be at least twenty four hours before anyone we work with finds out.”

“Say less,” Buck purrs, walking his fingers up Eddie’s chest. “But maybe say it tomorrow because right now I just want to shower and sleep.”

“Yes. That. Let’s do that,” Eddie agrees. “You gotta get off me for that to happen.” Buck grumbles as he rolls off Eddie and stands shakily, reaching a hand down to pull him up. Eddie stumbles into him and they almost go down again, but Buck grabs the arm of the couch in time. 

“Steady big boy,” Buck grins. “I can’t blow you in the shower if we break our necks.”

“Not with that attitude you couldn’t,” Eddie mutters as he picks their clothing up off the floor. “You could at least try.”

“Okay,” Buck laughs. “I promise that if I ever break my neck I’ll still try to blow you in the shower.”

—

Christmas is perfect. Chris wakes them up early - like before the sun is up early, and it’s almost headache inducing because Buck and Eddie had stayed up far too late last night having gloriously mind blowingly languid sex. 

“We need to get used to sleep deprivation,” Eddie yawns, cradling his mug of coffee. “This is nothing.”

“I know,” Buck laments as they watch Chris tear into his presents. The choice to spoil the shit out of him on his last Christmas as an only child was easy, as is the decision to pump him full of sugar at breakfast to engineer a crash-induced nap around lunch time. 

“We’d better perfect our shower hand job techniques,” Eddie murmurs, one arm snug around Buck’s waist and their legs tangled together. 

“Are you implying that my hand jobs aren’t already perfect?” Buck huffs as he traces light patterns onto Eddie’s bare back.

“Technique? Perfect. Ten out of ten. No notes,” Eddie chuckles. “But we gotta work on our speed. We’ll be lucky to find pockets of more than five minutes together that aren’t spent asleep.”

“Well excuse me for taking my time enjoying your body,” Buck mumbles. “But if you want fast I can give you fast.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Eddie yawns again, eyes fluttering closed. “You can keep enjoying my body for now.”

“Only as long as you enjoy mine too,” Buck whispers, but Eddie doesn’t answer because he’s already asleep. Buck drifts off not long after him, mouth pressed against Eddie’s cheek. 

—

“Must be getting close now. Buck hasn’t sat still for more than thirty seconds all shift,” Hen says around the thirty-nine week mark. It’s a slow shift and Buck is anxiously cycling between checking his phone every two minutes and picking at the carrot sticks in the fridge. 

“No, really?” Chim snorts. “Buck is being so normal right now.”

“Louisa’s been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the last three days,” Buck huffs. “It could happen at any moment!”

“It could also be another few weeks,” Hen reminds him. “Why don’t you go grab a clipboard and check the ambulance inventory?”

“Hen!” Chimney hisses. “What is wrong with you?”

“It’ll get him out of our hair,” Hen says through gritted teeth. “Eddie is downstairs, you know he balances Buck out.”

“Not right now he doesn’t,” Buck says, knee bouncing rapidly. Eddie is just as anxious as he is - they rearranged the nursery three times last night, only to put the furniture back where they had it in the first place. 

“Eddie’s just as bad as Buck. He handed me the wrong instrument three times on the last call,” Chimney huffs. “Are you two sure you don’t want to take that parental leave now? Get a couple of weeks to yourselves?”

“And sacrifice two weeks with the baby? No thanks,” Buck mutters. His knee bumps the table, knocking over Chim’s coffee and spilling the liquid onto the floor. “Fuck, sorry.”

“Go find a damn clipboard,” Chimney grunts. “Bother your husband instead of us.”

“Right. Yep. I’ll do that.” Buck shoots an apologetic smile in Chim’s general direction and pockets his phone before heading downstairs to find a clipboard and then Eddie. He’s wiping down the ladder truck, focusing on one spot that is definitely already clean. 

“I can’t concentrate on anything,” he tells Buck. “I mean, I was worse when Chris was born. Total wreck.”

“You were nineteen,” Buck shrugs. “This baby was very carefully planned for.

“Yeah,” Eddie exhales. “Still. I feel like I’m going to vibrate out of my skin.”

“Now you know how I feel all the time,” Buck snorts. “Check the ambulance stock with me?”

“Sure,” Eddie sighs. “Already grabbed the clipboard I see.”

“Hen told me to,” Buck snorts. “They’re really sick of me.”

“Nah,” Eddie murmurs, stepping in close and sliding his arms around Buck’s neck. “They know you’re anxious.”

“Just because you’re not sick of me doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t,” Buck mutters. “They think you’re as bad as I am.”

“A compliment if ever I’ve heard one,” Eddie grins. He kisses Buck, light and quick, before stepping back and heading for the ambulance. Buck clambers in after him and starts listing off items - they checked the ambulance the other day so Buck is well aware they’ve been given busy work to get them out of everyone’s hair. But it’s mindless enough that Buck is actually able to focus and calm down enough to pass the clipboard to Eddie for the second half of the checklist. 

“How did we go through that much saline in two days?” Buck asks. “There’s almost none left.”

“Adding it to the list,” Eddie sighs. “How’s the gauze?”

“Could do with a couple more,” Buck tells him. He feels Eddie tug on the waistband of his pants and moves until he’s sitting down on the gurney. 

“Last item on the list is ‘make out with your husband’, better get to it,” Eddie hums directly into his ear. 

“That’s not on the list,” Buck huffs with a fond eye roll. He’s tempted - far more than he should be, really. Eddie is pressed along his side with a hand on his knee and Buck can feel his warm breath tickling the hairs on the back of his neck.  

“Yes it is.” Eddie hands the clipboard back to Buck and sure enough, scrawled at the bottom in Eddie’s handwriting is ‘make out with your husband’. 

“Oh my god Eddie, this is an official LAFD document,” Buck hisses, ripping the paper off the clipboard. “The absolute last thing we need right now is a write-up.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my husband,” Eddie huffs, snatching the paper out of Buck’s hand. They wrestle over it for a few seconds before Eddie catches Buck off guard and kisses him with a hand cupping his cheek. Buck is powerless to resist Eddie at the best of times, but right now when he’s jittery and anxious he has absolutely zero self control. He sinks into the kiss, sighing happily before pulling back slowly. 

“I should go get that stuff we need,” he murmurs, touching his forehead to Eddie’s. “Y’know, actually do the job we’re being paid for.”

“I appreciate that,” comes Bobby’s voice from outside the ambulance. Buck flinches back and steps as far away from Eddie as he can in the enclosed space. 

“Sorry Cap,” Buck apologises with a grimace. “Won’t happen again.”

“Given that this is the first time in three years I’ve actually had to speak to you about this and given the fact that this is the first time today you two have completed a task I’ll let it slide,” Bobby tells them. His voice is firm but he’s smiling as Buck slides past him to the storage cupboard. Eddie is talking to Bobby about their parental leave, checking for the thousandth time that they’ve got their dates lined up properly. 

“I just want to be able to know when the last full night of sleep we’ll get is,” Buck complains. As if on cue, his and Eddie’s phones buzz at the same time with Eddie pulling his out first. 

“Uh,” he says, eyes wide. “Looks like that was last night.”

“Oh my god,” Buck says. For all the planning they’d done around what they’d do when Louisa went into labour, he’s frozen. 

“Off you two go then,” Bobby says. “We’ve got everything covered here. 

“Oh my god,” Buck says again. Frozen and a broken record, apparently. He’s going to be a fucking useless father to this infant. 

“You call Pepa, I’ll call the school and let them know she’ll be picking him up early,” Eddie says. Or it could have been Bobby, Buck’s not sure. All he can hear is his heart pounding and blood rushing in his ears. 

“Oh my god,” Buck repeats weakly. 

“Buck,” Eddie says, and he knows for sure this time it’s Eddie because he steps into Buck’s line of vision and grabs his shoulders. “Take a breath. Call Pepa while we go grab our stuff. We need to go get our baby.”

“We’re having a baby,” Buck whispers. Eddie grins at him and leans in to kiss him again, bringing Buck’s brain back into focus. They’re about to get their baby. 

“Sorry, Bobby,” Eddie says after he pulls back. “Had to get his attention. You back with me, Buck?”

“I’m back,” Buck laughs breathlessly. “I’ll call Pepa. And, uh. Sorry, Bobby. Again.”

“As far as I’m concerned you’re both off shift,” Bobby shrugs. “Now get out of here.”

“We’re going,” Eddie assures him, taking Buck by the hand and tugging him towards the locker room. They make their phone calls and wave over their shoulders as Chim and Hen wish them luck on their way out the door. Eddie stops them just before they get in the car, pushing Buck against the car door and kissing him until they’re both out of breath. 

“I love you,” Buck whispers. 

“I love you too,” Eddie hums. “Let’s go meet our baby.”

—

Fifteen hours. They’ve been at the hospital for fifteen hours before their baby enters the world. Louisa is an absolute rockstar, instructing Buck and Eddie to strip their shirts off so they can hold the baby as soon as it’s out. 

“It’s good for bonding,” she groans before the last push. Buck is torn between holding Louisa’s hand and watching his baby being born. Louisa tells him she’s fine - no seriously, she’s okay and Buck will regret not watching his baby being born (Eddie echoes the sentiment and Buck joins him down by Louisa’s feet). 

“Congratulations you two,” the doctor grins after she catches the baby who, wonderfully, cries immediately. “You have a daughter.”

“I had a feeling,” Louisa laughs breathlessly. “Didn’t want to say anything.”

“We have a daughter,” Buck whispers, tears slipping down his cheeks. “Eddie, we have a daughter.”

“She’s perfect,” Eddie chokes out. “Don’t - don’t clean her off. Give her straight to -”

“Eddie. Give her straight to Eddie,” Buck interrupts as he pushes Eddie into the chair next to the bed. “You hold her first.”

“But -”

“Don’t argue. Hold our daughter,” Buck insists, breath hitching as the doctor places their tiny perfect baby girl onto Eddie’s bare chest. 

“Hi, sweet girl,” Eddie hiccups. “I’m one of your dads. The name’s Eddie. This is your other dad, his name is Buck. He’s pretty great but you’ll figure that out quickly on your own.”

“Shut up,” Buck laughs wetly. “Don’t listen to him, baby girl. He’s the great one.”

“You know we can both be great,” Eddie huffs. The baby starts to calm in Eddie’s arms as the doctor cuts the umbilical cord and a nurse drapes a blanket over them. Buck turns to Louisa and hugs her - he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to thank her enough for what she’s done for them. 

“Go hold your daughter,” she laughs. Eddie stands and gestures to the chair he’d just been sitting in, passing the baby to him once he’s settled. She’s perfect - would have been however she’d come out because she’s theirs. 

“Do we have a name picked out?” One of the nurses has paperwork ready - they’d narrowed it down to three names, but looking at her the choice is easy. 

“Rosie,” Eddie says softly before turning to Buck. “Right?”

“Right,” Buck affirms, grinning down at her. Their Rosie. 

—

Christopher arrives with Pepa four hours later when visiting hours start. Rosie has had her shots and the doctor tells them she’s almost ready to go home after a little more monitoring. Louisa is recovering in a private room following a thankfully complication free birth. 

“Are you ready to meet your baby sister?” Eddie asks Chris after he and Pepa walk into the room. Chris nods as Eddie takes his crutches, settling into the armchair. 

“Chris, this is Rosie,” Buck whispers, gently lowering her into Christopher’s arms. He blinks up at Buck with a small gasp, holding Rosie with so much care that Buck tears up all over again. 

“That’s the name I picked,” Chris says, voice filled with awe. “You chose my name?”

“It was our favourite,” Eddie chimes in. “Rosie Isabel Diaz.”

“Oh my boys,” Pepa beams. “Your abuela will be so touched.”

“The next one will have your name,” Eddie promises her with a grin and a hug. Buck laughs and cries as he watches Christopher hold Rosie who is now sleeping - something Buck already knows he can’t take for granted. 

“Let’s make sure we can keep this one alive before we start talking about another,” Buck snorts, kissing the top of Christopher’s head (but secretly he’s already thinking about making plans for their next kid). “She loves you already, Chris.”

“She’s so cute,” Christopher whispers. 

“Just like you,” Eddie tells him as he settles himself on the arm of the chair and slips an arm around Chris’ shoulders. Pepa snaps a few photos but Buck is barely aware of his surroundings - he’s too busy staring at his family. 

—

The next few weeks pass in a blur of formula, diaper changes, broken sleep, heating and reheating coffees, and staring at Rosie as she sleeps. They buy Chris a pair of good noise cancelling headphones and figure out new ways to take micro naps between Rosie’s waking hours. 

“I was so delusional,” Buck yawns as he bounces Rosie while Eddie warms a bottle. “Why did I think that being a first responder would prepare me for the sleep deprivation that comes with a baby?”

“It was a rational line of thought,” Eddie mumbles, resting his head against the cabinet. “But you forgot to take into account the days off you get being a…what are we again?”

“Dude I can’t even remember my own name right now,” Buck whines. “Am I Eddie or is that you?”

“That’s me,” Eddie snorts. “I think.”

“It is.”

“We have a baby,” Eddie coos, stroking a finger down Rosie’s cheek. “Who somehow looks like both of us.”

“Her eyes are the same colour as yours,” Buck murmurs as Rosie blinks up at him. “But I think her hair is starting to curl a little.”

“It is,” Eddie sighs. “She’ll be as pretty as you are.”

“Prettier,” Buck argues weakly because Eddie is now leaning against him with an arm around his waist and breath tickling his neck. 

“Not possible,” Eddie hums into Buck’s shoulder, kissing it softly. Buck huffs out a laugh and turns his head to kiss Eddie’s cheek, leaving his lips pressed there until the bottle warmer dings. 

“D’you wanna take her and I’ll make us something to eat? I can’t remember when we last ate,” Buck says. It doesn’t matter how hard he thinks, he cannot remember when or what they last ate. Or drank. He should get them some water too. 

“It was, uh…something hot. So maybe dinner?” Eddie offers uncertainly, taking Rosie from Buck’s arms. It takes Buck another few seconds to drop his arms down, and a few more to open the fridge. They need to go grocery shopping. 

“I’ll do sandwiches. One for Chris too,” Buck nods to himself, peripherally aware of Eddie kissing his shoulder again and leaving the kitchen. He throws together quick and lazy sandwiches, stacking them onto one plate and grabbing two glasses of water. He’ll double back for the third (if he remembers). 

“Julian is picking me up in half an hour,” Chris is telling Eddie as Buck walks into the living room. “We’re getting lunch and seeing a movie.”

“Oh,” Buck blinks, staring at the sandwiches. “I forgot you were going out. I’ll wrap your sandwich for school tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is Sunday,” Chris reminds him with a giggle and Buck drops his head down so his chin is touching his chest. 

“Yes it is,” Buck agrees as he sets the food and glasses down, taking in his entire world sitting on the couch in front of him. Eddie’s hair is sticking up in four different directions, there are bags under his eyes big enough to carry luggage for their family of four, and he’s been wearing the same clothes for three days straight. Buck thinks he’s never looked hotter. 

“Stop staring at me, Buck,” Eddie teases. 

“No,” Buck laughs. “Never.”

“Good,” Eddie replies softly, turning his attention back to Rosie. 

“I want to use my last question,” Buck says quietly. Chris is unphased, Eddie just looks at him expectantly. “Are you happy? You have one of your postpones left if -”

“Don’t need it. Yes, Buck. I’m happy. Tired, but incredibly happy. You?”

“Blissfully,” Buck whispers. Eddie’s smile is bright and feels like home. 

“My turn,” he says, slightly adjusting Rosie in his arms. “Any regrets?” Buck has a lot of regrets about choices he made before he met Eddie, regrets about things he did and things he said. More recently he regrets grabbing that burrito from the dodgy looking food truck after a late night run for formula (Eddie had to fly solo with both kids while Buck was out of commission for two days stuck on the toilet in their second bathroom), he regrets not putting the lid on the formula tin properly before haphazardly shoving it into the cupboard (Christopher had ended up covered in it when he tried to get a glass, hence the late night pharmacy run), and he regrets not checking Rosie’s diaper before putting her into her car seat when they took her for her most recent checkup (they’re seriously considering just replacing the whole seat). But overall?

“Not a single one,” he answers honestly. He doesn’t regret a single moment of his relationship with Eddie. How could he when this is where they’ve ended up? “You?”

“I regret not peeing before I sat down with the baby,” Eddie winces, wriggling on the spot. “But no. No regrets. Every choice we made got us here.”

“Yeah,” Buck echoes, grinning like an idiot. “I’ll take her, go pee. I don’t want to replace the couch too.”

“Funny,” Eddie says drily. He sets Rosie’s bottle down on the coffee table and passes her to Buck as he stands carefully, steadying himself with a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

“We’ve got this,” Buck shrugs as he takes Eddie’s place. “Go shower and take a nap. She’ll probably go down after her bottle anyway.”

“Are you saying I smell?”

“You smell like a meadow,” Buck soothes as Christopher laughs. “A very sweaty and slightly manure-filled meadow. Go look after yourself. Chris and I can handle things out here for a bit.”

“You sure?” Eddie asks, but Buck can tell he’s made his mind up. Buck nods and puts his arm around Christopher’s shoulders. 

“You wanna hold the bottle?” Buck holds the bottle towards Chris who takes it eagerly and eases it into Rosie’s mouth. She makes this adorable squeaky noise and drinks the formula, staring up at Buck (who is staring right back). “She’s gonna be a starer.”

“Just like her dad,” Eddie hums. “Hopefully she won’t be as creepy about it.”

“Rude,” Buck grins. “Get out of here already.”

“In a second,” Eddie murmurs, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Just taking this all in.”

“You mean staring,” Chris interjects far too happily. “You stare at Buck all the time.”

“That is totally fine with me,” Buck adds. He glances back up at Eddie, who is looking at him like he did when they said their vows as he leans down to kiss him softly. 

“I love you,” Eddie sighs. 

“Love you too,” Buck whispers. 

“And I love you,” Eddie says to Chris, kissing him on the forehead. “And I love you, Rosie Posie.” He kisses the tip of his finger and presses it to her forehead, then kisses Buck again before heading towards the bathroom. 

“We love you too Dad!” Chris calls after him. “Is Rosie gonna call you Buck?”

“Maybe,” Buck shrugs. “Probably when she’s older because she’ll want to be just like her big brother. But we’re gonna try Dada for me while she’s little, I think. Your dad will be Dad so it’s not confusing.”

“So I can keep calling you Buck?” 

“Of course,” Buck chuckles. “That’s what you’ve always called me.”

“Good,” Chris nods as Rosie finishes her bottle. He puts it on the coffee table and leans back into Buck’s arm, helping to pat Rosie gently on the back after Buck holds her against his chest. 

“We make a great team,” Buck says as Rosie burps and spits up onto the towel Buck actually remembered to drape over his shoulder. “I knew you’d be a fantastic big brother. Your dad and I are so proud of you, Chris. You’ve been a really big help over the last few weeks and we’re super grateful.”

“Thanks, Buck,” Christopher murmurs, cheeks flushed. “I like helping you.” 

“Love you, kid,” Buck grins. “I’m lucky to have you.”

“You chose me,” Chris reminds him with a sigh. 

“And if I had to live my life over and over again I would make all the same choices so I could choose you every time,” Buck tells him firmly. “Because I love you.”

“Even if it means being with Dad?” Chris giggles. 

“Well when you put it that way I’m not so sure…” Buck sighs. 

“I heard that!” Eddie yells from the hallway. Christopher giggles so much he tips to the side, gripping the arm of the couch as Buck cleans the last of the spit up off Rosie’s onesie. 

“You’re my everything!” Buck calls back. Eddie’s hand appears around the corner, flipping him off before Buck can hear Eddie’s footsteps retreating. He’s really hoping Rosie will go down for a sleep once Christopher has left so that Eddie won’t have to nap alone. 

Rosie does, in fact, go down for a sleep fairly easily around twenty minutes later after Chris leaves with Julian and his dad. Buck tiptoes out of the nursery, stripping off his shirt (there was a lot of spit up, the towel wasn’t quite enough) and tossing it into the laundry before he heads into the bedroom where he finds Eddie face down on the bed in the clothes he was wearing before. 

“Didn’t make it to the bathroom?”

“I did,” Eddie tells him, voice muffled by the pillow. “But I fell asleep on the toilet and figured it was safer to sleep first rather than pass out in the shower.”

“Good plan,” Buck agrees. “But maybe we should shower together instead.”

“That I can get on board with. Help me up,” Eddie demands, turning over and reaching his hands out. Buck pulls him up and into the bathroom, stripping both of their clothes off and shuffling them into the shower. 

“I would offer you a hand job but I don’t think either one of us could get it up right now if we tried,” Buck says, slowly washing Eddie’s back. Eddie just hums into Buck’s neck with his arms secure around Buck’s waist. 

“Who would’ve thought a game of 20 Questions would land us here,” Eddie murmurs after a couple of minutes. Buck thinks about that every day. 

“You up for another round?” Buck grins as he shuts the shower off. “Another twenty each?”

“You got some more life-changing stuff planned?” Eddie murmurs, sighing as Buck towels his hair dry. They head back into the bedroom, mustering enough energy to throw on some underwear before collapsing onto the bed. 

“Not yet,” Buck yawns. “I will use my first question now though.”

“Go for it,” Eddie mumbles, tucking himself into Buck’s side. Buck holds him close, kissing the top of his head before speaking. 

“What do you think about getting a dog?”