Chapter Text
Chapter One
Present Day
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“You know what scares me? Nah, it’s stupid.”
Clancy should’ve learned by now not to speak of certain things around Nico. He thought he would be safe saying things around the other Bishops, but he learned how wrong that idea was a few months after the first “session”.
He had just finished recording this mornings’ session of ‘Good Day DEMA,’ and he was sitting on the couch after everyone else had left like he had been doing for 3 years now. Just like always, Nico walked onto set and up to Clancy, looking him up and down like he was waiting for something to happen.
Clancy didn’t make eye contact with him. He usually never made eye contact with any of the Bishops unless he was asked to. Most of the Bishops didn’t care, and it’s not like he was around all of them enough anyway. Nico almost always made Clancy look up at him, but Keons was nicer. Way nicer. Clancy didn’t have a single clue why. Keons never insulted Clancy or tried to get him to do something that he didn’t want to.
“Look at me, child.” Nico ordered.
Clancy shivered at the darkness in Nicos’ voice. He would never be able to get over Nicos’ deep voice, and he would never enjoy being called a child, no matter how much older Nico was than him.
Clancy looked up into Nicos’ dark eyes, the cracked skin of Nicos’ face hard in his peripherals. He tried to constantly pretend that he wasn’t scared of Nico, but that was nearly impossible to do.
He would always try and convince himself that he liked the things that the Bishops would make him do. He would try to pretend like the bright colors didn’t hurt his head, and that he enjoyed writing propaganda songs.
He hated it.
He hated it more than anything.
There was no medicine in Dema, so Clancy would always have to deal with his constant migraines, which would make them even more painful and unbearable. The Bishops forced Clancy to write and perform with migraines, because who would take Clancys place? They didn’t have anyone else to use for this.
Clancy never knew why it just had to be him. He knew that his name was known in Dema, but why couldn’t they have just used a random person and act like it was actually him? Was his face really that known? His voice?
That didn’t seem right to him. He barely visited Dema. He spent most of his time in Trench. We’re the Bishops putting up signs with his face on it? He wouldn’t know. He hadn’t actually seen Dema since the last time he escaped.
The Bishops made Clancy sleep, “eat,” and do all of his work in one building, and he was never allowed out. He felt like an object rather than a person, but, honestly, when was the last time he felt like an alive person in general? Even with the Banditos, Clancy never really felt alive.
“Clancy! Are you even listening to me?” Nico yelled out, followed by a hard slap to Clancys cheek that pulled him straight out of his thoughts. “God forbid, you’re always dissociating when I'm trying to talk to you. Look at me!”
Clancy gasped out after the slap, immediately looking back up at Nico with fear in his eyes. He never meant to do things like that. He would always apologise to the Bishops for dissociating, but it’s happened far too many times now, that they all just thought he was doing it on purpose to mock them.
He wasn’t.
The aftermath of doing that was always far too painful for Clancy to want to do it on purpose more than once.
Or… Was he doing it on purpose? It can’t be that hard to just stay focused, right?
“Clancy.”
“Sorry, sir.. What is it that you need?”
“I found letters in your room.”
Shit.
Clancy had been writing to Torchbearer. And by writing.. All he was doing was putting his thoughts on a piece of paper. He had no clue how he’d get it to Torch, and he honestly assumed that Torch wouldn’t care since he hasn’t even come for Clancy yet.
“You know the rules with you and Torch, so why do you constantly break them, child? It’s obvious that you don’t find pleasure in what happens to you, so why do you keep doing the things that will cause you pain?” Nico asked with a genuine tone. He was confused, and so was Clancy.
He didn’t know how to answer, he just looked up at Nico dumbly. He didn’t know why he kept doing things that would hurt him. Maybe he found some sort of comfort in the hurt, but he assumed that would just be because he can’t remember a time where he wasn’t hurt in some way.
Even with Torchbearer and the rest of the Banditos in Trench who took them as their own, Clancy never really felt happy. He didn’t even know what happiness felt like. He was sad. He had always been sad. He figured he would always be sad.
“Well? Are you going to answer me, or am I going to have to make todays session longer than usual?” Nico asked, getting closer to Clancys face to look him straight in the eyes, but Clancy could basically feel Nico breathing down his neck.
He almost liked – No. What was he thinking?
“S-sorry sir.. I don’t know. I don’t know why I keep doing it..” Clancy mumbled out, trying to sound as honest as he could. He always hated his tone of voice, it made everything sound like a lie when it wasn’t.
Nico just sighed and shook his head, but Clancy swore he could see a little smirk behind that veil and face paint. Nico loved punishing Clancy, and he wasn’t the best at hiding it.
“Right. Well then, lets get you downstairs.” Nico said, sighing again and picking Clancy up. Clancy had stopped fighting back after the 30th session. It would never work, Nico was always too strong.
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Clancy found himself with his hands tied to a red chair again. He didn’t know when he passed out or how long it had been since he did pass out. His eyes were closed, but he was aware of his surroundings due to how many times he had been down here. He heard footsteps, Nico.
There was a loud crack in the air, breaking the silence. Clancy flinched.
Did Nico have a whip?
Crack!
Clancy felt a sharp sting on his back. He cried out and was suddenly aware of the liquid dripping down his back, but this time, he could feel two types of liquid textures. He recognized one of them as blood, obviously. The other..? He didn’t know. It was thick.
Crack!
Clancy cried out again. That hit was harder than the last. How long had Nico been hitting him for? He wasn’t sure.
There were tears streaming down his face and blood running down his back, seeping into Clancys white pants. He’d have to get new ones.. Again.
Nico kept hitting Clancys back with the whip for what felt like hours. In reality, it was probably only 15 more minutes.
Clancy didn’t know how much more of this he could take. He would have to try and find a way to numb the pain. Other than that, he didn’t know how he would make it through this. Of course, he could always stop thinking about Torchbearer, but he knew that he would never be able to do that.
“Clancy. We’re done here.” Nico said suddenly, his voice a soft alternative to the harsh crack of the whip.
Soft? What was he thinking? Nicos’ voice wasn’t soft. Nothing about Nico was soft.
What was happening to him?
Nico started wiping the blood off of Clancy, and whatever thicker substance was on his back. That was weird. Nico usually never cleaned Clancy up after these sessions. He’d just let the blood dry on Clancy and then make him shower.
Clancy almost felt grateful. That scared him.
After Nico fully cleaned Clancy up, he re-clothed him. Clancy was scared. Nico never did stuff like this. He didn’t know what was going on. What was Nico trying to do? Clancy had to force himself to not like it, to remind himself how back Nico was. He didn’t want to catch anything.
Nico picked Clancy up, and Clancy flinched. He looked around. His back ached so bad and his face was stained with tears and snot. He was shaking. Nico started running his hand through Clancys hair. Clancy didn’t say anything, he was too afraid to talk, too afraid to move. Nico took him upstairs and out of the basement. Clancy assumed he was taking him back up to his room, and he got really confused when they walked right past his room and towards Nicos.
This was different. Too different. Was there going to be another part to his punishment? Clancy was shaking harder now, and Nico held him tighter. It warmed Clancy up. He gave up and melted into Nicos hold, sighing and calming his breathing. His brain was yelling at him, but this was too nice. No one had held him like this since… since Torchbearer.
Nico walked into his room, still holding Clancy, and set him down on his bed. Clancy looked around. Nicos room was way better than his own, but that made sense since Nico was the main Bishop and all. It made sense that the Bishops had privileges that the citizens didn’t.
Clancy sat on the bed confused while Nico went into the bathroom and started running a bath. Did Nico realize he hurt Clancy a little bit too much this time, and decide to try and make Clancy feel better? Clancy couldn’t remember the last time he had a proper bath. Maybe this would be nice.
Maybe Nico would start to be nicer to him.
As Nico was running the bath, Clancy could smell, almost beautiful, smells coming from the bathroom. It’s not like he had smelled that many things before. In Trench, Torchbearer always made Clancy stay in the tent.
Except for that one night…
And when Clancy was in Dema? Well, there weren’t many scents that weren’t paint, corpses, concrete, or the “food” that Dema served. Clancy didn’t know what he was smelling at all, but he loved it.
“Clancy. Come in here, and strip.” Nico said a little loudly from the bathroom.
Clancy got up immediately and walked into the bathroom, eyes widening a bit at the sight he was met with. It’s not like his bathroom in his room was anything fancy. He was sure a hole in the ground would be better than what he had now.
Nico nodded and faced the other way to make sure that Clancy felt comfortable, as if Nico hadn’t seen him before.
Clancy hesitated a little bit, but he took off his clothes and got into the warm water, immediately letting out a sigh of relief at the feeling. The water was pink and had bubbles in it. It was pretty.
Nico looked back over at the younger and grabbed some soap, starting to clean Clancy off himself. Clancy let it happen. It felt too good for him to pull back and ask Nico if he could do it himself.
Eventually, Nico finished and wrapped Clancy up in a towel, taking him back to the bed and handing him some new clothes that were oddly in his exact size. Maybe Nico had been planning to do this for a while.
Nico dressed Clancy and fixed his hair, smearing a bit of paint on his body. That made Clancy shiver, but he didn’t exactly hate it?
What was he thinking? Of course he hated it. He had to, he was against everything the Bishops do and teach.
So why was he letting Nico do all of this to him and enjoying it?
Nico turned the lights off in the room and got into bed. Clancy laid next to him.
Tomorrow is another day.