Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean stared at the table infront of him.

He should be happy right?

Everything was right in the world now.

They stopped Chuck from ending the world. Jack was now the new ruler of Heaven.

Everything was okay now.

Except.

Everything was not okay.

Castiel wasn’t here. He was locked away in the Empty after activating that deal he made.

The damn deal.

Dean tried to rationalize it. He tried to imagine what he would have done if he was in Castiel’s place.

Would he have done the same?

Fuck yes he would have.

While he didn’t warm up to Jack to start of with, that was one of his biggest regrets. He regretted not giving the kid a chance when he came into the world. He regretted listening to the voices whispering that Jack would be just like Lucifer. That he would be a monster.

He should have trusted Castiel.

He should have pushed away the thoughts and followed his gut instincts.

That Jack was just an innocent child. He didn’t ask for his father to be the literal fallen archangel that destroyed everything in his path.

He should have took that little innocent boy and wrapped him up with all the love that he had been denied himself.

That was what he wanted to do. He wanted to hug that scared child because that was Jack was. A child. Maybe in an adult’s body but a child.

“Damnit.” Dean cursed under his breath as he poured himself a scotch before setting the glass down before it even made it to his lips. He stared at the amber liquid in the glass with a frown on his face.

Why didn’t he trust Castiel in the first place? Why did he go against what he wanted to do and behaved like that?

“You should stop that. He wouldn't want you to do this to yourself.” Dean jerked a little in surprise to see Jack standing by the doorway.

“Jack?” Dean was rather confused to see Jack here, in the bunker. Sam had taken Miracle out for a small walk, using the excuse he needed the exercise but Dean knew that Sam was trying to process everything too, like he was.

After all it’s not every day you find out that your friend was inlove with your brother and that the deal he made cost him the life he wanted but couldn’t have.

“You’re doing it again.” Jack frowned at his adoptive father as he walked over and sat down infront of Dean. He glanced at the carvings on the wood. Beside the DW and SW was MW for Mary then his name as well as Castiel’s. “I will always regret what happened to Mary. She was just trying to help me.”

“I know. I don’t hold it against you.” Dean said gently. “Not anymore, I mean.” He added at Jack’s raised eyebrow. “So what was I doing again?” He asked, changing the subject.

Something he was very good at.

“Taking the weight of the world on your shoulders.” Jack said in that knowing tone that reminded Dean so much of Castiel. “You’re blaming yourself for everything that has happened.”

“Stop it.” Dean grumbled, there was no heat in his tone but he did feel a little uncomfortable with how well Jack could read him now. Only Castiel could do that and get away with it.

Most of the time.

“I know you.” Jack shrugged. “It doesn’t take a new ruler of the cosmos and balance to see that you’re blaming yourself for not seeing the signs sooner, the what ifs. Blaming yourself for all the deaths and destruction.”

“You’re too much like Cas.” Dean muttered, picking up his scotch and taking a sip. The burn hit his throat instanlly giving him a reminder that he was a live and Castiel was not.

“I begged him to tell you, you know.” Jack murmured making Dean look at him with wide eyes. “About the deal. It wasn’t fair what happened. I didn’t want to be the reason you both never got a chance…”

“Ah ah. I’m gonna stop you there kiddo.” Dean said in that fatherly tone he found himself using a lot now around Jack and Claire. “That wasn’t your fault. There were plenty of times I could have just asked Cas about stuff. There were times I could have opened up. The deal...Jack listen to me.” He said at the look on Jack’s face. “What your dad did, your real dad.” He pressed because Castiel was Jack’s dad regardless. “I would have done the same.”

“Huh?” Jack looked surprised at that. “You would have? But you hated me.”

“I didn’t hate you.” Dean said with a small shake of his head, a sad expression formed on his face. “What happened after Cas died that time, it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. I wanted to do something else but it was like I couldn’t. I wanted to give you what I was denied.” He said gently. “And when you died...it felt like a part of me died too.” He admitted. “You’re as much my kid as Sam is. I know he doesn’t like to admit it but I raised him, not our dad. Everything I have done over the years, it’s not been because I am his older brother but rather his parent. I didn’t like it but I did it anyway because that’s what you do for family that you love.”

“Dean…” Jack whispered, tears forming in his eyes before nodding softly. “So if you had a second chance…”

“I’d redo everything in a heartbeat. Make sure you were safe from everything and everyone. Treat you so much better than I did, the same with Cas. He didn’t deserve all the shit I gave him.” Dean felt his eyes sting with tears but instead of wiping them away, he just let them fall. “I would do anything to change how I behaved and treated everyone.” He then let out a deep sigh. “But I can’t. Everything has happened...” Dean whispered looking away from Jack. “I have to live with it.”

Sam came in at that moment and looked a little concerned at the tense energy in the room.

“Is everything okay?” Sam asked hesitatingly but then he saw the amber liquid in the glass and he frowned at his brother. “Dean. I thought we talked about this. Your drinking…”

“It isn’t what you think.” Jack said stepping in before Dean could. “We were talking about some things and Dean only took a sip. More of a distraction from me reminding him of Castiel.”

“Oh.” Sam winced a little. “Dean…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Dean shrugged it off. Like he always did. He couldn’t help but smile as Miracle came bouncing in and ran straight up to him, demanding love and hugs. “Hey buddy.” Dean whispered, hugging Miracle tightly. Miracle let out a small comforting whine and licked Dean’s face, wanting to make him happy again.

“It’s a shame we can’t do a time travel and change it.” Sam said as he pulled out a bottle of water from his bag. He looked up to see the surprised look on both Dean and Jack’s faces. “What?”

“Time travel…” Dean whispered. “That’s it! I go back in time, stop Cas from making the deal and I can fix everything!”

The complete and utter joy on Dean’s face broke both Sam and Jack inside but it was Jack that had to shatter that.

“Dean…” Jack began when Dean got up and went over to the pile of books they had and began looking through them for a spell. “Shit.” Jack muttered as he got up while Sam approached Dean carefully. "Now you've done it Sam." He grumbled in a very Castiel like way.

“Sam you take that side.” Dean pointed to an area. “If we can’t find it here then we’ll call Rowena. This is great. I’ll be able to fix everything.” Dean kept repeating it to himself as Sam looked at Jack for help. “Sam come on, help me out here.”

“Dean.” Jack repeated but he wasn’t listening. “Dad!” He all but yelled which took Dean by surprise as he stopped mid reach for a book to turn his head in the direction of the now young ruler. “You can’t do this.”

“Jack...why?” Dean was still processing the fact Jack called him Dad. “Why can’t I do this?”

“Because. It won’t just change that past, it’ll change everything including this present. It’ll change everything.” Jack pressed. “You could cause real big issues and trouble here.”

“But it could all work out.” Dean protested. “You wouldn’t die or have a demon possess your body. Cas would be here with us.” The unspoken ‘with me’ was heavy in the air and Jack knew that. “We could stop so much.”

“And you could stop the defeat of Chuck. He could make things worse.” Jack said quietly. “Dean, this isn’t a good idea.”

“Look, I get it. There’s a lot of cons to this and it outweighs the pros but I have to try.” Dean pressed. “I...I need a second chance to make it right with Cas.”

“Dean…” Sam began.

“Don’t give me the whole ‘I loved him too’ speech Sam.” Dean cut his brother off. “You don’t get it.”

“But I do. I know how you felt and…” Sam stopped at the angry look that formed on Dean’s face.

“No you don’t know how I felt. If you did then you wouldn’t be trying to talk me out of this. You got the chance with Eileen and you got her back.” Dean snapped, his emotions getting the better of him. "You would do the same if it was her."

“You…” Sam realised how wrong he had been regarding his brother’s feelings. He had thought there had been something a few years ago but he figured Dean didn’t want to follow through with them and grew out of it.

“Okay let’s say we go through with this.” Jack said taking Sam by surprise. “Let’s just say we do. When?” He asked Dean. “At what point in time do you want to go back to? The day you met dad? Before you made the deal for Sam’s soul?”

“Not that far back kid.” Dean put the book in it’s place. “I know exactly what point in time.”

“And when is that?” Sam asked.

“Right before Jack is born.”

And with that, all hell broke loose.

Once again.

Chapter Text

Dean knew his brother had a temper and so did he, but what he wasn’t expecting was Jack’s reaction.

Clearly he had done a real shit job of showing the young man just how much he meant to him.

“YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T HATE ME!” Jack all but roared in anger, his eyes turning pure gold as lights shattered and exploded all around them. “YOU LIED TO ME! JUST LIKE HIM!”

Dean flinched as more lights exploded under the sheer force of Jack’s anger and power. He was stunned for all of ten seconds until Jack’s words caught up in his mind.

Did Jack really think he meant that he didn’t want him alive? He really failed.

Castiel would be so disappointed and heartbroken.

“What? Jack no no!” Dean rushed towards the rightfully hurt and angry young Nephilim, despite Sam’s warnings. Pulling Jack into a tight hug, ignoring the fact that Jack could easily push him away or worse.

“Why?” Jack’s broken whisper and small sob broke Dean’s heart as he pulled him closer. “You said…” He cried softly, his arms coming around Dean’s back in a return of the hug.

Despite his pain of the idea that Dean wanted to stop him from being born, he couldn’t help but lean into the man’s hold. It felt warm and safe. Just like Castiel’s.

He wanted to hate Castiel for leaving them, when he promised he wouldn’t. He promised him he would always be there for him and be by his side.

He thought Dean would be there for him, just like he promised. That he cared for him regardless of who he was or who his birth father had been.

“You misunderstood what I meant.” Dean said softly, breaking into Jack’s thoughts. “I’m not asking to go back to that point to stop you from being born.”

“I don’t understand.” Dean pulled back to look at Jack and that’s when Jack saw it in his eyes.

The love. The pure undying love in those eyes.

All of a sudden he understood.

Dean wanted him to be born. He didn’t want to stop that.

“You want to stop Castiel’s death.” Jack realised in that moment and suddenly shame filled him at what someone would call a temper tantrum he just had.

“Yeah. I want to stop that from happening. If I can.” Dean nodded softly. “But Jack. I would never give up having you around for anything. I have a theory about something which is why that point I really want to go back to but listen to me. We may not share the same blood but you are my kid.” Dean said seriously. “I was an idiot for denying those emotions and thoughts as well as a few other things.”

“What are you saying?” Jack titled his head to the side.

“The dream I had.” Dean said quietly. “The one you sent me.”

“I did?” Jack thought about it then made an ah sound. “That one.” Jack murmured and Dean nodded. “So you basically want to kick your past self into action?”

“Basically.” Dean nodded.

“Uh guys.” Sam said cutting into their talk. “As nice as this is, we are in darkness.”

“Oops.” Jack flushed a bit as he clicked his fingers and the lights all turned back on and everything was fixed. “I uh…”

“You may be the new ruler of everything but you’re still half human.” Dean ruffled his hair a little. “It’s okay to have a little meltdown here and there. Feel better?”

“A little. It wasn’t just you saying that…” Jack trailed off unsure how to word it. “I uh..”

“You’re mad at Cas.” Dean said quietly. “I get it. I’m mad at him too.”

“Is it okay to be mad at someone that we love?” Jack asked.

“Dean wrote the book on being mad at people we love.” Sam scoffed a little making Dean glare at him.

“Yeah, it’s okay. It’s normal. When someone makes a promise to you that they will never leave your side and end up doing so, it’s okay to be mad and upset about it.” Dean said softly. “He promised me that too, you know. When I had the mark of Cain.”

“That he would never leave you?” Jack asked and Dean nodded. “Why would he make those promises to us and break them?”

“I don’t think he meant to break them. You see, Cas is a complicated angel.” Dean chuckled a little. “He was a real stick in the mud when I first met him but I knew I could trust him. Although there was something that was always holding him back. He wanted to please his father and do what was right by that. I did too with my dad. Didn’t end so well.” Dean shrugged a little at Sam’s raised eyebrow. “When he rebelled, that’s when I knew he was different. That he actually cared about humanity.”

“Humanity being Dean.” Sam said helpfully making Dean roll his eyes but he didn’t deny it. “Oh you should have seen it Jack. Every angel and demon always said Cas was head over heels for Dean and stuff while Dean here just made that face.”

“Okay okay. In my defence I thought they were all being dicks. Taunting me.” Dean grumbled. “If I knew for a second it was like that then…”

“The signs were all there.” Jack added in just as helpfully. “The looks. I mean he let you dress him up with a cowboy hat. An Angel.” He couldn’t help but smile as Sam burst into laughter.

“Okay getting off track here.” Dean said cutting off Sam’s laughing. “My point being Cas always did things out of love and care for everyone. He didn’t make those promises lightly. No one could have forseen what The Empty would have asked for.”

“So the plan is to go back, we kick sense into you well past you and then what?” Sam asked once he recovered from his laughing fit.

“No.” Dean gave him a look. “The plan is I go back. Alone, Sam.”

“What?! Are you insane? You could disappear right there and then!” Sam gave his brother the same scowl in return.

“This is on me, Sam. I have to do this, alone. You have Eileen here.” Dean shook his head at Sam beginning to protest. “Sam please. I need to do this for me. I can’t be worried about you while trying to fix things.”

“Dean does have a point.” Jack sighed a little. “The thing is dad...once you reach that point in time, you’ll be on your own. I won’t be able to pull you back from that time. I won’t have the powers then.” He reminded Dean.

“I know, kiddo and that’s okay.” Dean smiled at him. “Sam we both know that I won’t be living if we carry on. I’ll just be surviving. Going through the motions. That’s not what Cas wanted me to do but I can’t do what he asked of me. Not until I give this a shot.”

“I don’t like it.” Sam said simply. “You keep doing stupid shit and I end up losing you but I get it.” Sam took a breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Dean repeated.

“Okay. You wanna do this then I can’t stop you but Dean please. You have to be careful and come back home.” Sam pleaded softly as Dean went over to him and hugged him tightly.

“I know Sam but I need to do this.” Dean pulled back a little. “However Sam, regardless of what happens, no bringing me back. I mean it Sammy. No more deals, no magic, nothing. We keep getting into bigger messes with demon deals, it’s time to break that cycle. You live your life the way you want to and however.” Dean said seriously. Sam went to protest but realised his brother was right.

“I promise.” Sam nodded softly. “I don’t like it but...okay.”

“Okay.” Dean nodded softly. “Thank you.” He whispered hugging his brother again.

“Anything for you Dean.” Sam hugged him back before they pulled away and Jack stepped in.

“So you ready?” Jack asked. “There no need for spells or anything. I can send you back.” He added at the confused looks he was getting.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Please be careful.” Jack said gently but sternly. “But good luck.” He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he got a hug from Dean. Apparently Dean was in a hugging mood.

“I promise I will be.” Dean reassured them both. “Take care of Miracle for me.”

“Of course.” Jack said with a grin. “He’s the best dog ever.”

“He sure is.” Dean nodded with a grin of his own. “Okay hit me with it. Hopefully next time you see me, Cas will be there too. Or doing something that everyones eyes shouldn’t see.”

“Oh ew gross.” Sam made a face and it took Jack a moment to catch up and made the same face.

“You are so gross.” Jack muttered as he pressed his fingers against Dean’s forehead. “Good luck, dad.”

And with that Dean disappeared in a small golden pop.

“Here’s to the past changing.” Sam said softly. “Let’s hope it doesn’t end badly.”

“Let’s hope not.” Jack agreed.

It was all in Dean’s hands now.

Chapter Text

Dean really hated time travel.

Even moreso now that he landed straight on the ground, face down and he could feel the rocks pressing into his skull. He felt sick to the stomach but he remembered that was a side effect. Taking a breath then pushing himself up with a pained groan, he looked around to see where he was. He had imagined the house and area just like he remembered it and here it was.

Everything seemed to be in place but he couldn’t see Sam or himself.

He really hoped this was just like the time he was pushed into the future by Zachariah. Or a future as Jack said.

And then he saw it.

It was just a small movement but he saw it and what he saw made his heart sink and stomach flip.

He was really going to be sick now if he wasn’t already.

He saw Castiel laying on the ground, the same place like before.

Body still as anything and scorched earth around him which Dean knew to be the shape of his wings.

Then himself falling to his knees before the fallen angel.

“I was too late.” Dean whispered, pain gripping him tightly like a snake refusing to release it’s prey until it was good and dead. Dean almost forgot what it felt like to breathe until he saw himself move and reach for something on his side.

Fuck fuck.

Jack! Dean completely forgot this was the moment Jack was inside with Sam.

All of a sudden a searing pain gripped him, worse than before. It had him groaning out loud in pain as he fell to his knees, clutching his head.

This didn’t happen the last time.

‘Kill him.’ A slippery voice whispered deep in Dean’s mind. ‘Kill the boy. He is the reason for Castiel’s death.’

No that wasn’t right. Jack was innocent. He wasn’t the one that stabbed Castiel in the back. It had been Lucifer.

‘The boy is not innocent. He is the spawn of Lucifer. Nothing but death and chaos in his wake. Kill him.’

Dean suddenly felt the barrel of a gun pressed to his forehead and he looked up to wide green eyes just like his. The pain was all too clear in those eyes as well as certain emotions that Dean himself knew he had tried to hide long ago.

“You hear it too. Don’t you?” Dean managed to get out through the pain. “Telling you to kill him. To kill Jack.

“How do you know that?” His younger self demanded, his eyes glossing over slightly.

“Because I hear it too.” Dean groaned in pain as the voice began to get louder.

‘KILL HIM!’

“No.” Dean shook his head furiously despite the gun pressed to his temple. “Listen to me. I know this is hard but you have to trust me. Ignore the voice. Please.” He knew he was begging but he honestly didn’t care.

“But Jack…” His younger self began quietly. “Cas..” He turned to look at his fallen best friend and that was the moment Dean took his shot. He quickly grabbed the gun right out of his younger self and disarmed it in a heartbeat. “You didn’t have to do that.” He looked at him with wide eyes.

“Couldn’t take the chance.” Dean said as he managed to stand up while holding onto the tree behind him. “Just like the other time. Remember? Got cuffed to that chair and stuff.”

“Other time?” Younger Dean questioned before his eyes widened. “Who sent you here? Zachariah is dead. I ganked him years ago.”

“I’ll explain that later. Right now Sammy is inside with Jack. Jack is scared and terrified.” Dean explained as he put the gun in his pocket. “You don’t want this.”

“You really did hear that voice, didn’t you?” Younger Dean asked. “I didn’t want to do it but I felt I had to.”

“I know. I did it the first time and the biggest regret I carried. Look I will explain everything if you’ll hear me out but right now uh…” Dean swallowed as he looked at Castiel’s body.

“I…” His younger self couldn’t speak as tears welled up in his eyes. “It’s not fair. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I know.” Dean nodded, feeling that same grief all over again. “Dean listen to me. It’s okay. What you’re feeling right now. It’s okay.”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice came from the doorway of the house. “Jack is here.”

“Jack…” Both of them said at the same time but his younger self looked at Castiel.

“What’s going on?” Sam carefully approached them. “Is this another time travel thing?”

“Yeah, Sammy. Only I’m from the future.” Dean explained. “I can explain everything later. Is Jack okay?”

“Yeah, is the kid okay?” Younger Dean asked, unsure how to process any of this so he would just go with it for now.

“He’s uh...confused and scared.” Sam said looking between the two Deans. “He’s asking for Cas.” He added quietly.

“Shit!” Younger Dean cursed. “How are we going to explain this? Not only Cas dying but this?” He motioned to his future self.

“I feel like a broken record.” Dean groaned. “I just said I’d explain.” He rolled his eyes.

“You’re masking your pain.” Sam observed. “You felt this before, haven’t you?”

“Ya think?” Dean gave him a look. “I’m from 5 years into the future. I’ve seen a fuck ton of shit and felt it. Right now you need to process your grief.” He looked at his younger self. “And I’m gonna help you.”

“Yeah how?” Younger Dean scoffed. “This isn’t a talk it out feelings day.”

“That is going to change.” Dean said seriously. “Sam you think you could distract the kid for a while?”

“Oh yeah sure. I’m good for that.” Sam frowned. “What did you do so badly to come back?”

“That is for later.” Dean sighed again. “Come on Dean. We need to talk.”

A little bit later and with Dean watching his younger self carrying Castiel’s body into the room and gently laid him on the table, Dean knew this wasn’t going to be easy. He recalled his time where he was alone the entire time, he refused to let anyone help. His younger self was going down the same route but Dean would make sure one thing would change.

Talking about his emotions and feelings.

Once his younger self wrapped Castiel’s body in the way he deemed fit and right for the angel, Dean sat down beside his younger self. Both of them just staring ahead, looking at Castiel.

“I know how you feel.” Dean said quietly making his younger self scoff. “I went through this. I had nobody to help me. Even Sam offered, I refused the help. It felt...wrong.” Dean carried on speaking quietly. “I mean it was my fault he went off on his own, I didn’t listen to him. The entire time I thought he had been brainwashed by the kid. I kept thinking that it was going to end us all. Yeah I referred to the kid as an it.”

“How did you…” His younger self whispered. “Cope?”

“I didn’t.” Dean said truthfully. “I died inside the moment he did. I just stayed out there by his fallen body the entire night, on my knees, looking at the sky. It was some kind of sick joke, you know. Cas dying like that. I mean he had died times before but always came back. I wanted to pray for a miracle but I couldn’t. My faith...the reason I believed was dead and gone.”

“I never believed in angels or God.” His younger self said softly.

“Until Cas.” Dean nodded. “I know. That first meeting at the barn. Threw me off guard so badly I never got back on track.” He chuckled softly. “All those little head tilts at the jokes I would make, the small smiles. The look in his eyes when he looked at me.” Dean took a breath. “I’ll never forget the moment I was on my knees before him, thinking he was going to kill me for that tablet.”

“I broke the connection, didn’t I?” Younger Dean asked but got a ‘are you for real?’ look instead.

“Naomi was wrong, you know.” Dean said looking back at the table. “Angels do feel. More than we know. More than anyone knows. Cas was just the first to show it. They were programmed Dean. From creation to death. Programmed like little robots. Then hell happened and Cas found me. It is true what they said, he was lost the moment he laid his hand on my shoulder and left that mark.”

“Is it weird that I’m proud of the mark?” Dean couldn’t help but smile at that question.

“No. It isn’t. And what you feel towards your best friend, wasn’t wrong. Isn’t wrong.” Dean looked at his younger self. “The love you feel for him. Nothing is wrong about that.”

“It’s not like I can tell him now.” His younger self hissed. “He’s dead! Because he tried to protect me. Protect Jack. Everyone.”

“Castiel made his choice and he did it because he cared and loved.” Dean stood up. “You are right. You can’t tell him now but you can one day.”

“Yeah right. Look I get you’re trying to help and all but my reason for living is gone.” His younger self stood up and began walking away.

“Your reason for living left a child behind. A child that needs the love only a father can give him.” Dean said seriously making the younger one stop in his tracks. “The love you were denied.”

“How did…”

“I am you. Just five years older and a lot wiser. It’s one of the reasons I tried my hardest to come back here. Dean listen to me. Don’t make the mistakes I made because it will break you. It will turn you into something much worse than the mark of cain or being a demon did.”

“What were your mistakes?” Dean released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding.

“For one? Not looking at Jack the way Cas wanted me to. He’s not some spawn of satan or a walking time tomb. He’s a child. A scared child that has lost his mother and father all in one swoop. Another mistake was ignoring the dream I had of him.”

“You had that dream too?” Dean watched all the emotions across the younger’s face and nodded.

“I did and I ignored it. I am not proud of this and even though Jack forgave me in my time, I never forgave myself. I blamed him for everything, for Cas dying, for being the son of a monster he didn’t ask for. I blamed him for being born. I didn’t look past that. I just saw Lucifer in those green eyes. My green eyes.” Dean said softly. “He chose me too, Dean. I wanted to wrap him up in all the love I could. Like I did with Sammy.”

“But you didn’t.” His younger self whispered. “You shot him instead. Like I was going to.”

“Yeah. I don’t know what happened back there but it ain’t good and we need to look into it. Tomorrow.” Dean said seriously. “Right now you need to process and be honest with yourself. That’s the biggest mistake I ever made. Denying how I felt about my best friend because my father taught me it was wrong to love another man.”

“Cas ain’t another man. He’s….was an angel.” A frown formed on his younger self’s face. “I wish I had been strong enough to tell him.”

“I know. I wish that too. I lost him more than once. I know how it feels.” Dean said quietly.

“Does it ever ease? The pain? The longing?”

“No. Not one bit.” Dean shook his head as he looked at the younger Dean with sad eyes. “For me? It got a whole lot worse.”

“Dad?”

Both Deans turned around to see Sam at the doorway but with a younger man. No more than 18 years old.

Short dark hair and big green eyes.

“Jack.”

Chapter Text

Sam was quite catious as he went back into the room where Jack was sitting in. It had been quite strange when he came in to find a fully grown adult in the corner but something told him that it was okay.

That Jack was safe.

He wasn’t going to hurt him or anyone else around him.

He was just scared and newly born in a world where danger laid at every corner.

He was worried about his brother but he somehow knew this was needed with his future self. Something told him that the future had gone very wrong for Dean otherwise he wouldn’t have been sent back. He was just sick and tired of his brother getting hurt and being unable to have the life he wanted.

With Castiel.

Focusing on the task at hand, Sam would deal with the loss of his friend later. Right now Jack needed them, needed to know he was safe.

“Hi Jack.” Sam said gently as he sat down on the ground infront of the golden eyed young man. He knew those glowing eyes meant that Jack was trying to get a hold of what was around him. “I’m Sam.”

“I know who you are.” Jack’s voice was soft and gentle. “Where’s my father?”

Sam mentally winced at this. He was not looking forward to explaining Lucifer to Jack.

“Jack uh…” Sam took a steady breath. “Your father, Lucifer, he…”

“Not him.” Jack cut across Sam. “My father is Castiel.”

“C-Cas?” Sam looked surprised at that and Jack nodded.

“And Dean too.” He added, sounding a little hopeful as his eyes slowly lost the golden glow revealing bright green eyes. Green eyes that reminded Sam so much of Dean. “Where are they?”

“Jack...Cas he…” Sam struggled to find the words when Jack suddenly looked up, his eyes narrowing.

“Someone is here. They shouldn’t be.” Jack stood up and bolted out of the room before Sam could even blink.

“Jack wait!” Sam managed to scramble to his feet just in time and caught up with Jack.

“Dad?” Jack’s soft voice broke into the room making the two men in there turn around to look at him. When both of them said his name, he looked confused and then looked at Sam.

“There are two of them. This isn’t right.” Jack said seriously, in a tone that reminded the three men of Castiel. “Where is my father?”

“Lucifer?” One of the Deans questioned.

“No, he means Castiel.” Sam said with a small wince. He saw the fallen look on his brother’s face as well as the tears forming.

“Shit.” The older Dean muttered before the younger one shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around Jack.

“It’s okay.” Younger Dean said gently. “I will explain everything, kiddo. Right now we need to get you some clothes. You must be freezing.”

“I…” Jack frowned a little but nodded. “I think I am cold.”

“It’s okay. Sam can you go get my bag out of the car? There should be some clothes in there that should fit Jack.” Younger Dean looked at his brother but the surprise on Sam’s face made him frown again. “What?”

“Nothing...I just...nevermind.” Sam shook his head as he left the room as Dean took Jack into the living room and gently sat him down. The older one grabbed a blanket for Jack and watched his younger self wrap him up.

“Why are there two of you?” Jack titled his head to the side as he studied them both. “You’re my dad but he’s not.” He motioned between the Deans. “But it feels like you are too. I am very confused.”

“That’s right.” Older Dean nodded gently as he sat down in the opposite chair just as Sam came in with the clothes. “First let’s get you dressed then we can talk.”

“Is my mom in Heaven now?” Jack asked as Dean helped him get dressed. He had looked around for his mother but she wasn’t there when he came around to.

“Yeah, Jack.” Dean fought back the tears. “She is but she loves you very much. She wanted you to know that.”

“I know, she did. I felt it.” Jack whispered. “That’s why I’m this old. She told me I couldn’t be a baby, I had to grow up quickly because the world is a dangerous place.”

“She’s right but you have me, Sam and our family. I won’t let anything happen to you Jack.” Dean said as he gently touched Jack’s cheek in a fatherly and loving manner. “I swear. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Dad…” Jack whispered before hugging him tightly. Dean let out a small sound before returning the hug just as tightly without hurting him.

Now he understood everything that Castiel had been telling him. How pure and good Jack could be. He felt it in his bones and soul. Like he was breathing for the first time and alive.

He just knew that the voice in his head had been so wrong.

So wrong.

And that dream he had. He somehow knew it was real now.

“So.” Sam cleared his throat a little as the two sat down. “Want to catch us up?” He asked looking at the older version of his brother. It was still pretty weird to see both versions.

“In a nut shell, shit goes to hell in the future.” Older Dean said simply. “I made a lot of bad mistakes that led to a lot of things going wrong.” He then looked at his younger self. “I tried to come before Cas died but I failed somehow. However this…” He motioned between him and Jack. “Is something I didn’t do when I had the chance.”

“You wanted to change the past.” Jack frowned. “You can’t do that. You can cause a lot of issues within the time line and...”

“Actually I kinda did.” Older Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “By arriving here and helping Dean fight against that voice, I have changed things.”

“What voice?” Sam demanded. “Dean you…” He began when Dean out a huff of frustration.

“Chill Sammy.” Dean frowned. “Okay first. Nicknames. You are D and I’m Dean.” He motioned to his future self. “And second, Sammy it only happened earlier. For the second time.” He added while looking a little guilty. Jack looked confused before nodding to himself.

“Second time. When was the first?” Sam demanded. Jack stiffened against Dean and turned his gaze onto Sam. He didn’t like how Sam was talking to his father.

Not one bit.

“Stop yelling at my dad.” Jack’s eyes began to glow as his hands formed into a fist but Dean placed a hand on his shoulder making Jack turn to look at him.

“It’s okay.” Dean said gently. “Sam isn’t yelling at me. He’s worried. I’m not good at sharing things with people, Jack. I bottle them inside and carry them alone.” Jack studied Dean's gaze for a moment before it came to him.

“Oh.” Jack whispered. “Like my father did with keeping me and my mom safe.”

“Yes, like that.” Dean nodded. “Which was a big mistake. He shouldn’t have had to do that alone.”

“Why did he then? Why didn’t you help him?” Jack asked. “And where is he? He promised he would be there for me when I was born.”

“That’s the thing Jack.” Dean sighed sadly. “Cas was protecting you. All of us. He was fighting against Lucifer, your birth father.” Dean felt like he was going to throw up with those words. “We thought we got him but at the last second he came through the rift and he killed Cas.”

“So he’s gone…” Jack whispered and Dean nodded sadly.

“He is but he fought to keep you safe. He loved you so much even before you were born.” Dean said softly as Jack leaned into him for comfort. “I regret so much not listening to him. That you would be the greatest gift ever born.”

“That woman. Who was with mom right before I was born. Who was she?” Jack asked softly. “I heard her voice, calming my mom down.”

“That was our mom, Mary. She pushed Lucifer back into the rift and they disappeared.” Sam explained gently. “She did it to help you.”

“I caused a lot of pain.” Jack realised. “Your mom, my dad, my mom...”

“No.” Dean said while shaking his head. “None of this is your fault Jack. None of it.”

“But…”

“But nothing.” Dean said seriously. “You are here and alive. Yes we’ve lost two treasured people but that is not your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this.”

“Okay.” Jack said softly before letting out a small yawn. “I’m feeling very sleepy now.”

“That’s okay, kid. Just rest. I’ll be right here, watching over you.” Dean said as Jack got comfortable and laid his head on Dean’s knee. Within minutes Jack was fast asleep as Dean pulled the blanket over him.

Sam, while in his seat, was studying Dean very carefully. This new side of his brother was confusing and concerning him greatly.

“Stop looking at him like that Sam. Despite the roughness and shit, Dean has always been a great father figure.” D said giving Sam a look as Sam was staring at them with wide eyes. “He raised you, didn’t he?”

“Yeah I just...I don’t get it. How did Dean go from hating the idea of Jack to now being his dad and all this?” Sam questioned.

“The voice.” Dean said softly as not to disturb Jack. “It kept pushing at me to hurt Jack, to kill him. The first time it happened was when Jack leant his power to Cas and he ganked Dagon. The voice said stuff like that back then. Second time was out there when I was looking at Cas. If it weren’t for D taking the gun off me, I would have come in and shot Jack.”

“I wonder.” Sam frowned at this information. Something didn't sit right with him about Dean's behavior and the sudden change.

“Wonder what?” D asked.

“This sounds like a bit of hypnosis. Trying to brainwash you into doing something. Did you ever want to hurt Jack before?”

“Not really.” Dean shook his head. “I mean the first time Cas said a Nephilim had been created, scared the shit out of me. Especially a kid from Lucifer but every time I would think he could be different, my head would get sore and the thought would vanish.”

“Did that happen with you?” Sam asked looking at D but he shook his head.

“No. I listened to the voice when it happened to me, I never told anyone about it.” D said looking at the sleeping Jack. “I hated him from the get go. I blamed him for Cas’ death, for mom disappearing into that world. For everything. I was so cruel to him. Yet he kept looking up to me, trying to be better for me.” D let out a shaky breath. “And by the time I came around, it was too late.”

“What do you mean too late?” Dean demanded quietly.

“I pushed Jack away and it led to several situations that resulted in his death.” D said truthfully. “Now I can’t explain anything else right now. Some things need to happen before I do.”

“This is not fair.” Dean frowned. “You can’t just drop that on us and then let it rest.”

“Dean.” D said gently. “You need to grieve. You all do.” He looked at Sam but back at Dean. “And you need to admit the truth to yourself.”

“What? That the angel I love is dead and gone forever and he’ll never know? That despite telling him that I needed him around and he was family, he just left?” Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah real truths there. Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You love Cas?” Sam stared at his brother. “As in love love, not brother kind of love but love love?”

“Yes Sam. I was lost from the second I stabbed him and that grin he gave me for it. I guess I just didn’t label it because I was scared. That and everyone kept saying I corrupted him and Angels don’t feel like that so I figured he wouldn’t even consider it. Not to mention he's a guy. Kind of.” Dean waited for the yelling, the disgust on his brother’s face. The words of John coming through Sam on how he was a disappointment, men shouldn’t love men, they belong with women. He was a coward and a freak.

“I knew it.” Sam said surprising Dean. “Oh come on. You both act like a married couple most of the time. Remember the car? You almost crashed us into a ditch because you were jealous of Benjamin.”

“I was not jealous.” Dean grumbled under his breath. “I was pissed off.”

“Yes you were then you tore Ishim a new one for talking down about Cas. You were pacing and I counted the seconds you went in after him. Then there was the whole return from purgatory thing. Let’s see what else, oh yeah the eye staring.”

“Eye staring?” Both Deans questioned.

“Yep, you just stare at each other as if you’re trying to read each other’s mind. Oh and not to mention the whole praying thing.” Sam grinned but it faded away. “I’m sorry Dean.”

“Why…” Dean looked confused.

“Because you never felt safe enough to express those feelings. That dad made you feel that way and I never stopped it.”

“Bobby did too.” D added quietly. “Though he meant it in a different way to dad.”

“Uh..” Dean cleared his throat a little. “Where did you get that idea?”

“Dean.” D said looking at him seriously.

“Okay fine. I am angry at everyone alright? No one ever listened to what I was saying. Everyone thinks I’m emotionally closed off and shit but I’m really not.” Dean sighed. “I just have a lot of anger and I hide behind shit but it’s there.”

“And Cas was the only one to see through that.” Sam remarked as he had what Dean called ‘his thinking face’ on. “Why did you not tell me?”

“Sam I did. Well I tried.” Dean looked rather sad. “But you had this vision of me for years. The macho brave flirty guy that always went home with a woman and all that. The strong protector.”

“I know but..” Sam winced. “You felt you had to be like dad.”

“This life Sam, didn’t give me much choice. Hell broke me. The mark did far worse.” Dean said softly as he looked down at Jack, who was sleeping peacefully. “It made me face my inner thoughts and fears. You know if it hadn’t been for all that shit going down, I would have talked to Cas.”

“You would have?” D questioned. “I don’t remember that myself.”

“It was after him letting me beat the shit out of him.” Dean said and D made an ah sound.

“Right after we broke the room to pieces.” D realised. “Then the fight happened and I died.”

“Then you became a demon.” Sam winced at that memory. “Cas was really worried about you during that time.”

“But that’s the thing Sam.” Dean looked up at his brother. “That’s why I allowed myself to become a demon. Cas was dead when I died. Or I thought he was. I couldn’t live again without him in my life. So I let the demon out. Literally. Then that day, the blood wasn’t the cure. It was Cas. I never got to tell him I saw his true form.” He sighed. “Look as much as I know I need to talk about shit, can we stop? This is getting too much for me to process and cope with right now.”

“Of course.” D nodded. “I need to think some things over anyway. We should all get some sleep then tomorrow we head back to the bunker.”

“That sounds like a good plan.” Sam agreed. “You gonna stay out here Dean with Jack?”

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “I don’t want to move him. He needs the sleep.”

“He’s a Nephilim. They don’t really need sleep.” D chuckled a little.

“Well he does and I say so.” Dean gave his future self a look. “Both of you shoo. I need some down time.”

“Sure, Dean. Try and get some sleep, okay?” Sam said gently and Dean just waved him off as he and D went off to find a place to sleep in the house.

“He’s going to be okay, you know.” D said as he and Sam found two spare beds.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. “Things have changed according to you.”

“Yeah a lot has changed. I never opened up to my brother about what I felt like Dean did down there so that’s a good thing. You can’t change how you weren’t supportive back then but you can now. All you can do now is listen to what Dean is telling you.” D explained.

“I hope my future self feels like shit for never listening to you.” Sam said simply causing D to let out a small laugh.

“Yeah I’m sure he does.” D shook his head as they both went different ways to go sleep. “Night Sam.”

“Night D.”

As Sam laid down for the night, he sent out a small prayer to whoever was listening to let Cas somehow come back for his brother.

For everything to be okay.

For them to fix whatever was broken.

For them to all be okay.

Chapter Text

It took them a couple of days to get back to the bunker with stopping for rest and food along the way. They found a motel along the way to stop for the night before picking it back up and reaching the bunker the next day.

The drive included most of Jack asking questions about everyone’s lives and growing up which Sam was happy to answer most of the time with Dean adding little bits in here and there with D as well.

For Sam it was like reliving his childhood where Dean always took care of him regardless where they were. Made sure he would eat first, had everything he needed to shower and sleep in.

It was strange to see what but with Jack instead of Sam.

Sam realised that he never truly thanked his brother for all the years of taking care of him, putting him first.

Being a parent rather than a brother.

It made him realise just how much he had taken his brother for granted and how little he truly understood his brother.

However now he did. He now understood why Dean ate so much at times, why he rarely slept without checking that he was okay before Dean could rest but always on a timer, how burnt out the hunter really was. The role of the protector and provider had been pushed on Dean from the age of 5 and he never had a choice.

Sam was now truly beginning to understand why his brother was so angry at times but also the walls he built up around himself.

No one took care of him.

He was always taking care of everyone else and everyone else would just come in and out but Dean always stayed.

Now Sam realised why Dean had been so angry when he realised Sam’s heaven didn’t include him.

It wasn’t until D and Jack had gone to sleep for the night, Jack explaining that since he was newly formed he was still growing a little and sleep helped. He was also still half human.

Sam watched as Dean tucked Jack in for the night, something that he did for him when he was younger. It seemed that despite Jack being able to do it himself, he was rather enjoying Dean doing it for him.

For once Dean made the choice to be a parent, for him. Not for anyone else.

“Kid is out like a light.” Dean said quietly as he sat down at the small table. “So is D. Was I always such a snorer?” He questioned with a small chuckle.

“Sometimes.” Sam said absently as he was looking over something on his phone.

“You okay?” Dean asked. “I know it’s been a huge shift lately. Especially with uh me.” Dean glanced at his future self who mumbled something in his sleep before turning over.

“I’m fine.” Sam put his phone down and looked at his brother. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Yeah.” Dean lied and Sam knew he was lying. “Okay fine. Don’t give me that look. I’m barely holding on by a thread. Is that what you wanna hear?”

“Yes.” Sam said simply. “I wanna hear the truth from my brother.” He pressed gently.

“What do you mean by that? I’ve always been...oh.” Dean whispered more to himself as Sam glanced at Jack then back at Dean. “Sam it’s different. I don’t regret it, being there for you and looking after you.”

“Yeah it is different. I was forced on you, Jack wasn’t.” Sam said looking away.

“You were not forced on me.” Dean frowned at his brother.

“Yes I was, Dean. Dad was out hunting the demon that killed mom leaving you with me alone.” Sam reminded him.

“So? Look I knew I had to protect you and I did. Right let’s go outside. I don’t want to wake the kid.” Dean said as he stood up and headed outside with Sam following him. “Okay let it out. What is really the problem?”

“You shouldn’t have been a parent at 5, Dean.” Sam said as he leant against the wall behind him. “You should have been having fun, playing with friends. Growing up.”

“Yeah I should have.” Dean said with a shrug. “There were a lot of things I should have had Sam but I didn’t.”

“And you’re angry all the time because of it.” Sam said quietly. “Angry at me that I left.”

“Sam come on.” Dean groaned. “This isn’t about you, okay? This is about me not dealing with shit and bottling it all up.” He found a seat and sat down. “This is about the fact that John put all the raising on me for you. He put me in that position, not you. He went out and drank until he was so shitfaced I had to come and get him. He left us Sam. I tried to protect you from him but you two always got into fights. I never let him hit you, I took that. I don’t regret it for one second. I wanted you to have a normal life. Not all this.” He motioned around them.

“You keep doing that.” Sam said in frustration. “You keep thinking about others, not yourself. For once can you just admit what you want for yourself?”

“What do you want me to say Sam? That I ever wanted to hunt in the first place? That as soon as the whole apocalypse was over that I wanted Cas to stay and we get out of hunting? That for the past I don’t know how long all I’ve wanted is to have a real home, Cas there with me, you having the life you wanted? That I hate hunting? That I want Cas back, right here right now and tell that stupid idiot how much I actually do want him to stay with me?” Dean’s voice was breaking. “That I…” He took several deep breaths to try and calm himself down. “I never get what I want Sam, not without something coming along and messing it up or it getting taken away. I don’t deserve it, not after what I did in Hell and all that.”

“Dean…” Sam’s eyes were misty with tears. “You deserve it all. The life you want with Cas. Everything.”

“Well we don’t always get what we want, do we?” Dean chuckled a little, sounding bitter. “Always meant to be a solider, a meat suit for an archangel that doesn’t give a shit. I was jealous of Adam, you know. He got the life we never did. Even though he didn’t have dad in it apart from once a year, he still got to have something. Doesn’t make it right but I really wish I did more to get him out. I wanted to be him for a bit but instead he got the short end of the stick and had Michael possess him. I still hear his cries for me to save him at night.” Dean let his head fall into his hands.

“You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.” Sam said going over to his brother and sitting down beside him. “You don’t have to carry it, Dean.

“If I don’t then who will?” Dean looked up at Sam. “It would be on me if someone else got killed because I wanted out of this life.”

“You aren’t the only hunter around, you know.” Sam gave him a look. “Is that what you want Dean? To get out?”

“Yeah.” Dean looked back down at the ground. “But my reason for getting out is dead. So there is no point now. It’s the life now. I’ll do it until it kills me.”

“And if we got Cas b…”

“Don’t you dare finish that Sam. Don’t you dare give me hope.” Dean turned angry eyes onto his brother. “Don’t you dare do that to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Sam whispered. “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

“I have you, Jack now. Whatever D needs to do he’ll get it done and we will help. I’ve got Baby and the open road. There’ll always be another case. Now go inside and get some sleep.” Dean said, his voice turning into a more stern fatherly tone that he always used on Sam when he meant business.

“What about you?” Sam asked.

“I’m going to stay out here for a bit. I’m fine, just go and get some sleep. Please.” Dean pressed on the please and Sam just nodded as he patted Dean on the shoulder and left him outside to be alone.

Once the door closed behind his brother, Dean let out a choked sound as he looked up at the sky. The sky was full of stars twinkling away. He wanted to scream and curse them for shining so brightly in his face.

He knew he couldn’t keep his anger in for long before it would send him into another drinking spiral but he was just so damn angry.

Angry at everything. Angry at Lucifer for taking Castiel away from him again, angry at himself for pushing his best friend away, angry that Jack couldn’t have Castiel in his life the way Kelly imagined it. He was angry that his mom jumped into that damn rift with Lucifer and he couldn’t stop her. Angry that his little brother was still in Hell and it was all his fault.

He just wanted the anger to go away. He wanted to feel something other than the crippling pain and loss. Feel something other than the anger. He had felt this before when he had the mark but at the same time he felt other things. The desire to be close to Castiel, to see if angels felt more than they were letting on. To see if something was between him and his best friend or if it was his imagination.

Now that was all gone and he was a fool for letting it slip out of his grasp.

He should have spoken up long ago to his best friend.

“Stupid stupid.” Dean muttered as he looked back down at the ground before taking a breath. ‘Cas, I don’t know if you can hear me but...fuck I miss you. I wish you were here with us. Jack, he’s just like you. So full of questions, full of life. You were right about him and I wish I could tell you that. There’s a whole lot I wish I could tell you. I’m sorry. I’m just so angry at myself for pushing you away. You should be here.’ Dean prayed quietly.

He prayed as if Castiel could hear him.

And kept praying that night.

Completely unaware that inside the motel room, Jack could hear those prayers and prayed to himself, wishing and praying for the same thing that Dean was.

For Castiel to come home.

To them.

Where he belonged.

Chapter Text

Jack was adapting to life with the Winchesters quite well. Dean was quite impressed with how well he was adjusting to things but not amused that the kid was trying to copy him in many ways.

Especially with drinking beer.

However, much to the amusement of his older self and brother, Jack had taken one sip out of the beer and made a rather disgusted face at the taste of the drink.

Dean was rather glad at that and he was positive Castiel would be as well.

Just thinking of the angel made Dean's heart ache and twist with emotions he didn't think he had in him but he was now accepting they were there.

They had always been there.

He didn't know how or when they formed but they did and truth be told, he was exhausted from denying the existence of those emotions.

"How you holding up?" Dean looked up from the book he had been reading alone in the library to see his older self standing at the edge of the table. "You've been pretty quiet since we got back here."

"Been thinking, that's all." Dean said looking back down at the book. He had grabbed it off the shelf without thinking and found it had been on angels.

One of the very few books they had on the species itself.

"About?" D questioned as he took a seat. Dean closed the book and took a breath, resigning to himself that D wasn't going to leave him alone until he got the answers he wanted.

"Cas, Jack. How things have changed since." Dean said with a small sad smile. "And then it got me thinking when I first met Cas."

"Ah the dark room." D remarked quietly, confusing Dean. "You haven't dug into those memories have you?"

"The dark room?" Dean questioned as he thought it over then it clicked. "When I was in Hell." He realised and D nodded. "I try not to think on that time. I get sick over it. Just like when I let myself become a demon and what I did during that time."

"You know the reasons why you did all that." D eyed Dean with a curious look. "I wonder what else you have figured out over it."

"What do you want me to say man? That I tried to drown it all out with booze and sex that meant nothing? That it only left me empty? Every time I wanted it to be Cas? That when I talked to the priest I was actually thinking about Cas the entire time but chickened out?"

"Now we're getting somewhere." D said looking relieved. "You're not hiding behind the mask of 'I gotta be a macho man' anymore."

"It's damn right bloody exhausting." Dean sighed, the sigh carrying the weight of his words. "Cas was the only one that ever saw through the mask."

"Naturally." D agreed as he looked at the book infront of Dean. "After all he did put you back together. Piece by piece, soul fragments by fragments. He's literally been inside you in ways no one else has or ever will."

"You know a few weeks ago if someone said that to me I would have punched them so hard to knock them out and deny it all the way." Dean said quietly. "But now? It makes sense and I'm not denying it." He let out a small sound. "I just wish it had been under a way we both wanted." His voice was barely heard but D heard it all together.

"I know." D said quietly. "It's hard to admit to yourself that you love someone the way you do in this life but also the fact the one you do love is a ma..."

"I don't give a shit if Cas was in a male or female vessel. It's just...to me Cas is Cas. That's it." Dean said cutting D off before he could finish a word. "I mean sure if he had been a woman then maybe it would have been easier but it would feel wrong. It feels wrong to think of Cas as a woman." Dean frowned. "I prefer him as well him. Just something about those eyes when he stares at me or when we hugged, it felt like he was wrapping me in his wings. Probably imagined it but..."

"Actually you weren't." D chuckled a little. "He really was wrapping his wings around you. I managed to get it out of him one night when he used up too much of his grace at once and he was half asleep."

"Rude." Dean chuckled himself. "You can't ask questions when someone is half asleep."

"Everyone does it to me before I get my coffee." D pouted before taking a breath. "There was a point to me coming here though. Dean, the dream."

"Yeah I know." Dean said quietly. "I know I suppressed it down so hard that I convinced myself it wasn't real and because of that Cas felt alone in what he believed about Jack and now he's dead."

"Okay for one, just because you denied the dream doesn't mean it is the reason Castiel is dead." D frowned. "The reason he died is because of Lucifer. He is the one that killed Cas, Dean. Not you. It doesn't matter if you had believed him or not, when Lucifer wants someone dead, they are dead."

"I wish I had told him." Dean felt tears forming. "That I saw us together with Jack. On the beach and just being happy. He won't ever get to meet Jack, see what a bright and awesome kid he is. He should be here. Telling me the whole 'I told you so' speech that I am positive he's memorized since we first met years ago and then I shut him up some way."

D bit his tongue as Dean spoke. He desperately wanted to tell him that Castiel would come back but he wasn't sure how. He also knew if he told him then the events that could possibly lead to the angel's return may not happen.

"I know." D said instead. "But we can honor his memory. Tell Jack all about him. His memory will live on. Through everyone that Castiel knew and cared about."

"Yeah. Look I'm gonna go sleep. It's been a long few days." Dean said softly and D nodded. "You found a room for yourself?"

"Sure did. Don't worry I didn't take yours or Castiel's." D said which meant a lot to Dean.

Castiel's room was the one room he did not want anyone touching. It was his room and his room alone.

"Thanks." Dean said quietly as he stood up but took the book with him as he made his way, not to his room, but rather Castiel's.

Unaware to him, Jack had been watching from a distance. He had been extremely grateful for Dean and Sam telling him about Castiel and what he had been like.

But he still missed Castiel. He was completely devastated that he had been unable to meet the angel that watched over him and his mother and promised to always be there for him.

Jack had been experiencing some bouts of anger regarding Castiel which he was reassured by everyone that it was okay to feel that way. Jack still didn't like being angry at the angel that gave everything for him but he couldn't help it.

He wasn't here to be with him or Dean and it bothered him greatly.

It also bothered him greatly that the future Dean had come back to the past to change things which meant that in his future, he messed up or something went extremely wrong. He couldn't decide which was worse as he went back to his room very quietly. He rather hoped Dean would get a good night's sleep for once.

Dean tried to keep it hidden but everyone knew he had been having nightmares over Castiel's death. Any time he went to sleep, he would awake whispering or shouting Castiel's name and while no one had said anything, it was the worst kept secret. Just something no one talked about.

And Jack was fed up of no one talking about how they were really feeling before now. Sitting down on the bed that was a little too firm for his comfort, Jack pulled out a small book that was full of photos. His mother had made it for him so he would know about her and he was rather thankful she had taken a few pictures of Castiel so he knew what the angel he chose to be his father looked like in person. While he had seen Castiel once, he rather liked having the pictures.

It was also pretty clear that Sam had been right.

Jack himself was a perfect blend of Castiel and Dean.

Especially with the green eyes.

As he turned the pages, he caught a photo that had been added somehow without him knowing.

It was a picture of Castiel and Dean outside together, they appeared to be just talking from the looks of it but as Jack looked closer at it, he could see the way their eyes shone in the photo. The looks towards each other.

"I have to find a way to get him back." Jack whispered as he closed the book and placed it on the table beside him.

He and Dean needed Castiel back, one way or another.

He wanted his dads together and to feel complete in the way he knew he would feel. He needed Dean to be happy again, to have his soul shine like he saw before.

As Jack laid down that night, he closed his eyes and began his nightly prayers to Castiel. He didn't know if the angel could hear him wherever he was but he had to hope he did.

As the same moment that Jack was praying, Dean was also praying as he went to sleep on the bed that Castiel barely used.

Both of them praying for the exact same thing.

For Castiel to come home.

Come home to them.

And for the first night since Castiel's death, Dean didn't have nightmares.

In a place that time had no meaning, a small bright light formed in the darkness. A soft glow was growing around it until it shone so brightly that it exploded into thousands of little bits and headed towards one place.

Earth.

Chapter Text

Dean woke up a little startled. He had been having quite the dream about Castiel.

A dream he kept locked in the corners of his mind. Far away from anyone could find.

Or so he thought.

He sat up in the bed and sighed quietly. The room felt empty, cold.

He should have realised that Castiel never slept in this room even if he had been here. He was either in the library reading or in Dean's room watching over him.

Dean never wanted to admit it outloud but he loved it when Castiel watched over him while he slept. He always felt safe and protected. No nightmares of Hell plagued him, no images of the people he had lost along the way.

Just colors and feeling warm.

Feeling restless even though he had one of the best night sleep in a long time, Dean got up and headed to his room where he got changed for the day. In the spur of the moment, he decided to take a drive in Baby to clear his head and get some time alone. He wrote down a little note for everyone so they wouldn't freak out or worry that he was gone.

He just really needed time alone to decompress and go through everything that has happened in the last week or so.

Since it was rather early in the morning, Dean made sure to be as quiet as possible as he went to get his car and drove out.

He wasn't sure where he was going, just that he needed to get somewhere. Somewhere peaceful to calm his racing nerves and restless form.

What he didn't expect was the place that he arrived within a period of time.

The place where he took Castiel's ashes and spread them. He had put Baby in park and got out to look around. He was confused to how the hell he was here but sat down on the bench that was nearby anyway. He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out as he looked up at the sky. Birds were beginning to come alive, making chirps and songs, he could see some clouds forming but in all that beauty, he could only think of Castiel.

How the sky reminded him of Castiel's blue eyes every time he looked at him.

Looking down at the grass, Dean let out a small sigh of pain and heartache. He wanted his best friend back but not just that. He wanted Castiel back and to know he wasn't alone in what he was feeling.

To feel that hope again when Castiel was near him. To just feel anything other than the emptiness in him.

"Cas, I..." Dean quietly began but stopped himself. Cursing under his breath, he stood up and went straight back to his car. Getting in and almost slamming the door shut, he couldn't help but release his pent up frustration and anger against the wheel with his hands. "Goddamn fucking damnit." He was breathing heavily after that. He thought he would feel better but he didn't.

He felt worse.

Deciding he needed to get back to the bunker, he started the car and drove in the direction of it. Somewhere along the way his phone began ringing and picked it up without thinking to check.

"Dean."

Back at the bunker, Jack woke up first out of everyone. Or so he thought.

As he headed to the kitchen he found D sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, looking like he had one hell of a bad night sleep.

"You're up early." D remarked as he glanced at Jack who went to the fridge to get some milk.

"I felt a bit restless." Jack admitted. "Where's Sam and dad?" Jack asked. He had gotten quite comfortable and used to calling Dean his dad and the hunter always had the same reaction when Jack called him it.

Awe, love and a little bit of heartbreak.

He knew it was because of Castiel. That he should be here as well.

"Sam is still asleep and your dad went out for a drive to clear his head." D motioned for Jack to sit down. "He left a note for one of us to find. He didn't want anyone worrying about him but he needed some time to himself. You know, decompress and shit...uh stuff." D made a small face before taking a sip out of his coffee.

"I figured he would." Jack said after taking a drink out of his milk. "Even though telling me about my father has been nice, I know it's been taking a toll on him."

"He does it because he wants to." D reminded him. "Do not feel guilty or bad for wanting to know about Cas, Jack. He gave everything for you."

"I know he did but it cost him his relationship with dad." Jack said looking down at the glass.

"No it didn't. The relationship between your dad and father, well me and my Cas. That was my fault. Dean's doing." D explained gently.

"I don't understand. If I had never come into being.." Jack trailed off, looking up at Dean.

"Stop that." D scolded him lightly. "You are not to blame for anyone's choices other than your own. Look Jack, I did a lot of things that I am not proud of. Pushing Castiel away for years and treating him like shit at times, those are my choices and regrets."

"Is there one you regret the most?" Jack asked quietly.

"Yes." D said looking out the window. "It had been a rather hard few weeks. Every time we came close to winning something against the big bad, it went wrong." D took a breath as he closed his eyes. He could still remember that day clear as anything. "Your father felt bad and was trying to apologise and instead of listening, I blamed him. I told him that he was the thing that kept making everything go wrong. I told him..." D took another breath before releasing it. "I told him that he was dead to me." He said before turning to look at Jack with sad eyes. "Then he left. I didn't stop him. I didn't go after him like I wanted to. I just stood there in the library, watching him go up those stairs and disappear. I'll never forget that door closing. It might as well have been a bomb." D let out a small bitter laugh. "And he still kept trying to help. After everything I put him through, after taking out all my anger and pain on him, he still came back. I took it for granted because he was there then the next, he was gone."

"Is that why you came back? To this time?" Jack asked him.

"Half of the reason." D said as he finished his coffee and set it to the side.

"What's the other half?" Jack asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"You." D smiled gently at him but it didn't reach his eyes. "I hated myself for the way I treated you from the get go. It wasn't the way I wanted it to be, Jack."

"You mean the voice." Jack murmured softly.

"No. Not the voice. I chose not to trust Cas in his truths and conviction over you. I chose not to believe Kelly when she told us that you were so good and you had the potential to be anything you could be. Her hope, it made me feel sick at the time. All I could remember was the hope I used to have like that then the years just ate away at it. I felt jealous that Cas easily trusted that then I was so angry to find out that the birth of a Nephilim always causes the death of parents. I mean how fair is that?" D scoffed quietly. "I know how it feels to lose your parents and I never wanted that for anyone else."

"I know." Jack smiled a little. "I felt it when I lent my father the power I had to protect my mom and I saw you through his eyes. I knew you had such a big heart but it was clouded with pain and hurt and a darkness that you always tried to fight."

"And at times I let it win." D sighed.

"Not always." Jack said in that tone that reminded him so much of Castiel. "I saw the way you raised Uncle Sam. The love you had for him growing up, the protection. The way you help people." Jack said softly. "And I saw some of father's memories of you with a boy."

"Ben." D said sadly. "He's the kid of an ex girlfriend of mine. At one point I thought he was mine with how much alike we were but it didn't add up. The timeline."

"No you're right about that but you were still a great dad to him." Jack said softly. "I just hope Dad feels that way about me this time. Like he does with Claire. I saw some of father's memories of her and how she is with him and dad."

"Trust me, Jack. There is not a doubt that Dean wants to be that dad for you that he never got to be for his own kids or got himself." D said seriously. "You are a very lucky kid to have him."

"You mean you?" Jack joked. "Time travel is confusing and very dangerous. This can cause a lot of problems."

"Eh nothing we haven't faced before." D waved it off. "Handled shifter babies, the Apocalypse, deities. I've..." He began when Jack's eyes began to glow. "Jack?"

"I feel a little strange." Jack frowned before a bright light exploded from him that forced D to shield his eyes and the force of it shook the entire ground, waking Sam up in an instant.

When the light died down and the shaking settled, D quickly sprung into action only to find that Jack was gone.

"JACK?!" D yelled just as Sam came running into the kitchen.

"What the hell happened?!" Sam demanded but before D could explain, a soft cooing sound came from the ground. "What the..." Sam carefully lifted the tshirt off the ground to reveal something that neither of them expected.

"Oh fucking shit me cowboys."

On the floor was Jack.

A baby Jack.

Chapter Text

Time seemed to slow down for Dean as he stared at his phone before typing in another number.

'Dean? Oh thank goodness. Look...'

"Sam, Cas just called me." Dean broke into whatever his brother was about to say.

A small silence formed before he heard Sam take a small shaky breath.

'Dean are you sure?'

"Am I sure?" Dean sounded offended. "Of course, I'm fucking sure! It's Cas! He's alive!" Dean felt like he could burst as he put Baby into drive and sped off.

'Dean how can we be sure? After all...hold on a second.' Sam's voice went quiet as he covered the speaker and he could hear some muffled sounds before it became clear. 'Alright. Be careful. I can't leave right now, there's a case. Call me as soon as you get him.'

Dean chuckled before agreeing and closing his phone as he threw it on the seat.

Several emotions ran through him as he thought it over. Could it really be Castiel? Or could it be another trick from someone else?

Pushing those doubts far away, Dean sped up a little more but still keeping safe. He had to believe that his best friend was alive.

He just had to.

Back at the bunker, Sam was completely beside himself as he paced in the library. He didn't know what to look for but the answer had to be here.

"Sam look, he's a baby right now." D said panicked as he held a rather adorable looking Jack on his knee. Sam had grabbed one of Dean's old shirts and put it over Jack while D was trying to calm the restless child.

"I know. Didn't this happen with you?" Sam asked as he pulled books out and began looking through things. "I don't know what I'm looking for."

"I don't know either." D said looking down at Jack. "This never happened. Jack never turned into a baby in my time line." D frowned. "Sam, what if I messed this all up now?"

"Huh?" Sam looked up at D. "You are only asking that now? D you changed everything by coming back. We have no idea what kind of consequences there are going to be now."

"I just wanted to give things a different try." D said quietly.

"Why? What on earth made you want to do it? Dean isn't here so you can tell me." Sam looked at him with a frown. "And why does my brother think that Castiel is alive?"

"What?" D looked up with wide eyes before breathing in relief. "He still comes back. Thank fuc...fudge." D cleared his throat. "Look I can't explain it all but after Cas died, I went downhill. Worse than you think." He said softly as Jack yawned and nestled into him and soon enough fell asleep. "It was really bad. Worse than the other times."

"So you never pushed those thoughts away and?"

"I shot Jack." D explained quietly. "You got in the way but Jack ran off and disappeared for a bit. It was a nightmare, I was the worst version of myself compared to when I was a demon and had the mark. I got over it though and came around to Jack but I was still blaming him for Cas's death. I couldn't see past that. You did though. You were there for Jack, giving him what he needed. You were more of a dad to him than I should have been."

"Alright." Sam said while processing it all. "But what happened then?"

"Jack brought Cas back to life. Well that's what you thought. You and I were on a case while Jack stayed here in the bunker. I got a call and it was Cas. Sped up as fast as ever and we found him at a phone booth. He said he had annoyed an ancient deity to the point where they kicked him out."

"The Empty?" Sam questioned and D nodded.

"It's a place where demons and angels go to when they die. It's just empty. Nothing there. Endless sleep. However when it woke up, it was angry and in pain. It's older than God, older than Death." D sighed quietly. "Along with Death, The Empty is the only being that's ever scared the shit out of me."

"And stuff rarely scares you." Sam frowned. "Or is that the macho act?"

"Macho act. Everything scares me. Losing my family, being alone. Losing Cas, losing Jack. Charlie's death broke me in a way I never realised. She really was the little sister I didn't want but got anyway. I never should have said that to you though. Blaming you for her death or saying it should have been you up there." D said softly. "That was beyond cruel of me."

"D it's okay. I forgave you, well Dean, a long time ago."

"Still. It's something that should have been talked about. Back to what happened. So with Cas back, I came around even more with Jack but I was still pretty angry and stuff. Scared him a lot." D frowned deeply. "It's always been a big regret of mine. It didn't hit me until Jack got sick and well...he died." He said quietly as he stroked Jack's hair gently. "And it led to Cas making a deal with the Empty when the Empty came for Jack in Heaven. According to them, Jack being a Nephilim meant he belonged to the Empty. Even in Death. It didn't matter that he died humanish."

"That's..." Sam whispered. "Quite something."

"Yeah. The deal is what broke me." D quietly. "The Empty was in pain, Sam. Being awake with all those souls in there. It was horrible for them so naturally they wanted revenge. Or to make someone suffer for what they were feeling. They just wanted to sleep." He explained. "So when Cas made the deal for Jack, they turned it. They would come for Cas when he was at his most happiest." He looked from Jack to Sam.

"When he was...no. Don't tell me..."

"Loving me got him killed." D said softly. "I can't give you all the details because it may damage things even more but he told me how he felt. That I changed him. Just as he told me he loved me, the empty came and took him away. In my time, he never came back. I was just...empty. I couldn't even tell him how I felt too." He said sadly.

"So that's why you came back. To fix that." Sam realised. "So you're hoping that this time, you can keep Cas and Jack from the Empty and what?"

"We defeat Chuck and live our lives." D shrugged. "I honestly don't know, Sam. All I was thinking was I needed my angel back and my son." He looked down at Jack again.

"I get it even though this could really blow up in our faces." Sam winced. "It's happened before, you know."

"I know. I know I'm a selfish bastard but I needed to do this. You will understand one day." D said quietly.

"I know, D. I saw my brother go through a lot when it came to Castiel. I knew his feelings even before he did. I just never expected well this." Sam said softly.

"I know." D sighed. "Jack did warn me before he sent me back."

"Let's just hope it works out." Sam looked at the sleeping child. "I wonder why he's a child now."

"Probably because he feels extremely safe right now and there's no threats around." D said softly. "He may change back, I don't know."

"Well just another day for us Winchesters." Sam chuckled making D chuckle a little as well.

Dean took a sharp turn as he turned up at the address that Castiel gave him over the phone. He was trembling with nerves but also excitment.

His best friend was back! He would be able to hug him, hold him, do all the things he wanted to do. He would be able to see Jack with Castiel. They could be a family.

'Are you sure about that Dean? What if Castiel does not feel the same way? What if he laughs at you? Rejects you?'

Dean shook the thoughts away. That stupid voice had to go away. He refused to listen to the thoughts and the doubts. He and Castiel had been through so much together.

Surely there was some deeper connection and meaning there?

After all he gave up an entire army for him, refused to kill him, rebelled against Heaven and his own family.

"We're making it up as we go." Dean mumbled under his breath as he arrived at the point of no return. He looked up from the wheel, his hands gripping it so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He let out a small sharp gasp when he saw a figure standing by the phone booth. "Cas.." He whispered as he practically ripped the door of its hinges. "Cas?"

Time slowed for Dean as the figure turned around after he spoke. He couldn't help the feelings stirring up in him as he was now looking at the familiar face of his best friend.

His angel.

Without thinking or hesitating, Dean made his way towards Castiel but stopped as he reached within hand touching distance.

"Dean." Castiel's eyes misted up a little as he looked Dean over.

"Cas..is that really you?" Dean whispered, his voice breaking as he slowly reached out a hand to touch Castiel's cheek. The action took them both by surprise but even more so when Castiel leaned into Dean's hand and slowly nodded. "You're alive."

"I'm alive." Castiel confirmed gently as his own hand came up to cover Dean's. It surprised Castiel even further when Dean didn't pull his hand away, instead the hunter moved closer. "How long I was gone?"

"Too long." Dean said softly. "I..uh..what? how?" Dean couldn't find the words at all and he was sounding like a pure idiot. That he was sure of.

"I uh...I annoyed a cosmic deity so much that they kicked me out of the Empty." Castiel's cheeks were heating up in embarrassment.

"That sounds like you." Dean let out a small chuckle. "But we burned your body. I spread your ashes."

Castiel held back a small sound of despair at how Dean sounded. He saw the pain in those green eyes and he desperately wanted to take it away.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." Castiel said softly. "That must have been horrible."

"Try horrifying and feeling like I died inside too." Dean blurted out and flushed as he slowly pulled his hand away, although he was regretting it as he suddenly felt cold all over. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure." Castiel had no idea how to take those words from Dean. "The last thing I remember is the Empty is kicking me out and I woke up in a field. There was a windmill and a small farm in the distance." He titled his head to the side at Dean's face. "What is it?"

"That's where...I spread your ashes." Dean said quietly. "I wanted to find somewhere peaceful for you to you know, rest."

"Oh Dean." Castiel whispered. "It was really peaceful. Thank you for being so thoughtful."

"Yeah I uh.." Dean rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks turning pink. "Look Cas, a lot has happened since your uh death? I dunno what to call it but.." He let out a string of curses as his phone began ringing. "Son of a bitch. Really? Now?"

"You better answer that." Castiel sounded amused. "Where is Sam?"

"On a case." Dean frowned as he looked at the caller ID before answering. "Sam? What is it? WHAT?" He exclaimed making Castiel's ears ring slightly at the tone and he let out a small wince. "Sorry buddy." Dean gave Castiel a very apologetic look. "Yeah it's Cas. No I haven't Sam. Look I literally just got here and what? No you tell that asshole to keep his hands off that. Okay we're on our way back. Yes it really is him, Sam. I know my best friend. No it's not Lucifer in disguise. I can tell the difference you know. Oh fuck you, Sam." Dean hung up and took a deep breath. Which turned into several ones.

"Is everything okay?" Castiel asked gently.

"Yeah. Just Sam being a asshole. Come on. We've got a journey back home and I've got a lot to explain since Jack's birth." Dean said with a shake of his head.

"Jack is alive?" Castiel's eyes widened at that. "And Kelly?"

"Kelly died." Dean said sadly as Castiel got into the front seat with him getting into the drivers. "Basically after Lucifer stabbed you, mom came out and pushed him into the rift. It closed behind her and well..." Dean started the car and took off.

"Your mom is in the other world? Dean I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." Castiel wanted to reach out and hug him but with Dean driving and the way the hunter was about affection, he wasn't sure it would be received.

"This is not your fault, Castiel." Dean said seriously. "My mom made a choice and I can't fault her for that. It wasn't your doing or Jack's. My mom is very capable of making her own choices, even if I don't like them."

"I know but it still feels like my fault." Castiel admitted softly.

"Cas, I'm the one that made you go off on your own. I didn't trust you when you were telling me how you were feeling about Jack. Hell I didn't listen to Kelly and she is his mom. There is something I do need to tell you and I need you to keep an open mind." Dean admitted.

"What is it?" Castiel frowned.

"So a few months back..." Dean began telling Castiel about the voice he had been hearing but also the dream he had. He brought Castiel up to speed on everything that had happened since and it took a while before the angel made any sound. "Cas?"

"It's a lot to process." Castiel said quietly as he thought it all over.

"There is something else." Dean admitted, looking embarrassed.

"What now? I disappear for a bit and everything goes to hell and shit. I can't leave you alone for a second before you get yourself into even more trouble." Castiel let out a frustrated groan. "Okay what is it?"

Dean winced as he tapped the wheel for a few seconds before taking a breath.

"Five years from now something really bad happens and my well me I come back to the past. To now. So in the bunker there's a future version of me." Dean waited for the scolding and lecture but what came next surprised but also aroused him.

"Son of a fucking bitch."

Who knew a angel of the lord swearing got him all hot and bothered?

"Anything else?" Castiel growled out.

"Uh Jack is a baby."

"Fuck damnit."

Chapter Text

The drive back to the bunker was a silent one. Dean hadn't bothered to put on any music after he told Castiel everything that had happened so far.

Infact the angel was unusually quiet and distant from the hunter.

Dean felt the distance between them and he hated it. This isn't how he imagined his best friend coming back and them reuniting.

"So Jack is a baby." Castiel said after what felt like hours to Dean. "I thought he had been born an adult due to the dangers of this world." He kept his gaze directed at the window, not on Dean.

"Yeah." Dean said quietly as he made a turn. "He was an adult for a bit then this morning I took a drive to clear my head."

"Hmm." Castiel hummed a little as he leant back and sighed. "What is it with you and getting into so much trouble lately? Why can't you just...I don't know, stay out of trouble?"

"Trouble finds me and when I'm mourning my best friend, I don't think pretty clearly." Dean said without thinking as he checked the map on his phone. "We're nearly home."

"Dean..." Castiel frowned as he took in the appearance of the hunter.

"Yeah?" Dean turned to look at him when they hit a red light and that's when it hit Castiel.

Dean wasn't looking the way he used to. He wasn't healthy. His eyes were red but lifeless, cheeks hallow as if he had the life sucked out of him. His gaze drifted all over Dean and somehow he knew Dean was aware of it. He wasn't arguing it. He saw that Dean's clothes looked a little loose on him compared to being fitted before.

"You...you don't look well." Castiel didn't know how to word it.

"Yeah no shit." Dean chuckled as the light turned green and he started Baby back up. "Been focused on taking care of everyone else and praying that my future self hasn't caused shit since he's been here."

"I still don't understand that." Castiel frowned. "The last time something like this was done was..."

"The camp. Zachariah sent me there to try and manipulate me into saying yes to Michael sooner." Dean finished for him. "He thought if I saw how far you had fallen and the fact my brother was gone or seeing my own brother kill me...well he didn't get what he wanted." Dean shrugged taking Castiel by surprise.

"You never told me any of that." Castiel said quietly. "What do you mean how far I had fallen?"

"The Cas in that time, well I'm not sure what happened but he fell hard. Lost his wings and everything. Basically human. However he stayed by his Dean's side throughout the entire time. From what I saw they had some kind of thing going on between them." Dean explained while glancing at Castiel from the side of his eyes. "I mean a relationship."

"A relationship? Like us?" Castiel titled his head to the side.

"Not quite." Dean chuckled a little. "I've missed that head tilt of yours. Jack does it too when he's confused."

"I see. Dean, what are you not telling me?" Castiel frowned.

"They had some sort of friends with benefits relationship. The sexual kind." Dean's cheeks went bright red. "But for some reason that Dean was a real jackass to his Cas. Got jealous of me at one point. The sad thing was that Cas then had been high as fuck. I mean he was taking drugs and whatnot, doing orgies with women but he never faltered in his loyalty to Dean. Even though it got him killed in the end."

"That is why you asked me to never change." Castiel realised. "You were worried I would go down the same path?"

"Not worried. Scared as fuck." Dean corrected him. "Look Cas, since you died, my future self well he's been helping me with some stuff. Emotions wise and talking it all out." He admitted. "I've taken on a lot that I shouldn't have and there are things I should have talked about but I didn't."

"It seems there is hope for you yet." Castiel said slightly amused but turned serious. "That must have been hard for you."

"Not as hard as carrying your lifeless body to that pyre and burning it." Dean said as he kept his eyes on the road. "I thought burning my dad's body as well as Charlie's was hard but yours was the worst. Lucifer might as well have killed us both that day. Never did act on what I told the priest and that haunted me since you died."

Castiel went to say something but he didn't know what to say to that.

Silence filled the car but it wasn't uncomfortable for once. Dean had opened up about a lot of things and Castiel needed to process what he had heard.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice was soft yet quiet. He heard Dean's soft hum in acknowledgment so he carried on. "What...what did you say to the priest that has been haunting you?" He heard Dean take a breath and he was about to tell him that he didn't have to answer when Dean spoke up.

"It was when I had the mark. It had made me see things differently. Kinda like purgatory but not as clear. We had tried everything on that case so I waited for Sam to leave and gave it a shot by being honest for once in my life. In a nutshell, I didn't want to die and there were feelings that I wanted to experience for the first time...with someone."

"Feelings?" Castiel couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was Dean really saying what he thought he was?

"Yeah." Dean cleared his throat but groaned quietly. "Looks like we're home." He grumbled as a figure came running out and it was Sam.

"We will continue with this conversation later." Castiel said in a serious tone that left no room for argument.

"Sure thing." Dean said as they got out of the car. Sam went straight over to Castiel and hugged the angel tightly.

"I'm so glad you're back." Sam said as Castiel returned the hug before pulling away. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"You sound just like Dean." Castiel said amused. "Yes I'm fine. I was in the Empty..."

"Yeah I know about the Empty. D told me. Oh that's Dean's future self. It makes it less confusing when I say Dean and they both answer." Sam chuckled a little.

"I see. Can you take me to this D? And where is my son?" Castiel asked, his entire body language changing from relaxed to a commander in an instant. Dean had to suppress his body's reaction to Castiel's tone and form when he did that.

"I'm well fucked." Dean muttered as they went inside.

"Not yet." Sam said helpfully making Castiel frown at them both as Dean burst into a coughing fit.

"You both have not changed at all." Castiel remarked as they reached the library where he took in what he was seeing. He looked at his Dean before looking at the future version that was sitting on the floor with a baby Jack and he was playing with a few objects.

"You're welcome to take a picture if you like, angel." D flirted as he looked up and winked at Castiel.

"Why you.." Dean began as he went to reach for his gun. What the hell was his future self doing?!

Castiel ignored that from Dean and went over to D and knelt down a little to study the man.

"Why are you here?" Castiel demanded, narrow eyes on D's face.

"Uh not for nothing Cas last time someone looked at me..." D began with a wide grin on his face.

"Don't you dare finish that!" Dean exclaimed making Sam burst into laughter.

"Hmm." Castiel looked him over again before turning to Jack and lifting him up with ease. "You look just like Dean at this age. Same big green eyes." His tone was completely different. It was full of warmth and care as he stood up with Jack in his arms. The little boy was waving his hands and giggling at the words Castiel spoke.

"He does?" Dean looked confused. "How do you know that, Cas?"

"I saw photos of you as a child. Mary showed me." Castiel said simply as D stood up and brushed himself off. "You have not answered me."

"I was about to, sunshine." D grinned at him. "But let me take this in for a moment, will ya?" He looked Castiel over with Jack snuggled against him. "Now if only I could take this picture."

"D." Dean warned.

"Okay okay. Such a boring stick in the mud. Don't you know how much fun we could have?" D teased wiggling his eyebrows. "Cas would want for nothing you know."

"Keep going and I'll shoot you myself." Dean warned. "Ignore him Cas. He's probably drunk."

"I smell no alcohol on him." Castiel was confused by the exchange before glancing at D. "Well?"

"Okay basically you died again." D explained. "I went downhill again and decided to come back to the past to fix a lot of my mistakes. So here I am."

"You..." Castiel let out a string of words in Enchoian that had Sam choking on air while Dean folded his arms and he was not amused.

"And you failed to tell me he was coming back." Dean added. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Okay how about we put the kid down for a sleep first then I can answer what you want?" D suggested.

"Jack stays with us." Dean said seriously. "I'm not letting him or Cas out of my sight. So park it and talk."

"Okay fine." D let out a dramatic sigh as he sat down while the others did as well. Dean was sat beside Castiel as Jack reached out for him and Dean took with him ease. A loving look formed on Castiel's face as he looked at Dean and Jack together. D made a little hand motion to Sam, who straight away took a photo of the pair with Jack.

"Okay, you may begin." Castiel's commander tone was back in full force making D groan slightly.

"Come on, Cas. You can't use that tone on me. It get's things flowing up...oh you're no fun." D sighed at Dean's dark look. "Okay for one I came at a time in this line when Castiel was already dead. When I stopped you from killing him and listening to the voice, it changed things. Which is what I had in mind but Cas was supposed to be alive."

"So you made a choice that could have destroyed everything." Castiel frowned as he thought it over.

"But it didn't." D said with a grin. "Instead I helped Dean come to terms with certain things and your death too. Boy he was a right mess." D sighed sadly. "Worse than all the other times. There was always a chance back then you'd come back but this time? Scorched earth with your wings?"

"What do you mean a right mess?" Castiel was confused at this.

"Look at the memories." Dean said quietly. "You really don't know do you?"

"Know what?" Castiel asked while looking at Dean. His eyes turned gentle on the hunter.

"Just how badly your deaths affected me." Dean whispered. "And just how lost I was."

"It's best if you do that when you two are alone." D advised. "Those memories of ours are not easy to handle. As for the rest, I was warned by Jack in my time not to do this. It could shift everything but I had to try. I had to fix what I broke and didn't do."

"Which is why you are here." Castiel frowned. "But there remains the unanswered question."

"What's that?" D asked.

"How does God not know you are here?"

"Yeah about that." D rubbed the back of his neck. "He really doesn't give a shit about any of us but Jack? He's terrified of Jack."

"He is a Nephilim of great power." Sam said softly. "But that's not it."

"No. Jack has the ability to pull the truth from someone against their will. It would reveal Chuck's plans all along. That all of this? He's writing the story. All your lives, he's planned it from the beginning. Everything except you two." He motioned to Castiel and Dean. "My Cas and I didn't find this out until a few years from now. I questioned everything. From our friendship to my own feelings."

"This doesn't sound good." Castiel frowned.

"It isn't, believe me." D sighed. "I made a lot of mistakes that led to a lot of stuff that shouldn't have happened or could have been avoided. I will go into more detail tomorrow but for now we all need a rest. Moreso you two need to talk some more. I sense Dean hasn't told you everything."

"Damnit Dean. What else are you hiding from me? Why can't you damn well trust me for once in your life?" Castiel snapped, his eyes glowing. Without hesitating, Sam got up and took Jack from Dean and ushered D out of the room.

"It's not that I don't trust you Cas. I really do, it's just..."

"Just what?" Castiel snapped as he stood up and began pacing. "Haven't I proved myself enough for the past ten years? That I am your friend and..."

"Yeah some friend! You keep leaving me!" Dean snapped back at him, startling Castiel. "Any time we get into a fight or something happens you just fuck off and leave with a mighty flap of those wings. You made me leave purgatory without you and that hurt so badly that I changed my own damn memories to keep me from breaking apart! Even after telling you that I needed you, that we are family, you still left! You don't have a leg to stand on buddy with trust! I do trust you but you don't trust me!"

"How could you think that?! Of course I trust you, you're everything to me!" Castiel was outraged at what he was hearing. "You have been everything to me since the moment I pulled you out of hell. Not because I was ordered to but because I wanted to. I have done everything I possibly could for you..."

"Yeah everything but freaking stay Castiel!" Dean snapped. "Not that I'm not grateful but..."

"Then why didn't you say a damn thing?! I may be a mind reader but I have never done that to you Dean. You made it clear that those are your private thoughts and you didn't want that kind of manipulation ever again. So in this case, I am not a mind reader. You have to tell me these things."

"How, Cas?! How the hell can I tell my angelic best friend that what I feel for him goes deeper than the friendship that I thought was there and that every time he dies on me or leaves me alone, it makes me break even further? Even worse than I was in hell? Tell me how would you tell that to your best friend?!"

"Dean.." Castiel's eyes were wide as Dean was pacing and he ran a hand through his hair before grabbing the strands in a moment of frustration. Castiel made a small sound of pain as he rushed over to pull Dean's hands away from hurting himself. "Don't do that. Please." He begged quietly.

"I...Cas don't you get it?" Dean looked at him, tears in his eyes. "Don't you see? This is hard for me to explain." He whispered. "Please look at them. Look at all the times you left or died. Please."

"Dean.." Castiel began but the pleading look on Dean's face had him gently cupping the hunter's cheek as green eyes shut closed. Castiel wanted to wipe away the tears that had fallen but he stopped himself. Instead he focused on the memories that Dean asked him to.

And what he saw forever changed him but also broke his heart.

He saw all the times Dean was broken over his deaths, his leaving but when he would come back he was happy.

'I'd rather have you cursed than not at all?'

'Cas, buddy I need you.'

'Cas it's me. I need you.'

As Dean opened his eyes to look into glowing blue eyes, he decided this was the moment. It was now or never.

"Do you see now?" Dean whispered. "That I'm completely and utterly lost in you? That I..that I'm in love with you, Cas?"

Chapter Text

For endless minutes Castiel stood there in the library of the bunker with his hand still resting against Dean's cheek.

Dean's words kept swimming around his mind. Dean loved him?

"Dean, I don't..." Castiel began when he realised those were not the right words to start with. He saw the glimmer of hope in Dean's eyes fade away in a flash. "That's not what I was trying to start with. Dean!"

"No it's okay, Cas." Dean gave him a small smile as he removed Castiel's hand from his face. He missed the touch straight away but he had to do this. He had to get himself together. "I didn't expect anything to come from this. I'm just glad you're back, that's all."

"Dean." Castiel was getting frustrated as Dean took a few more steps away from him. Castiel desperately wanted to reach out to him, to hold him but the hunter was already putting distance between them.

"Everything is still the same way in your room. Nothing has changed. I'll see you in the morning, Cas. I'll check on Jack before laying down for the night." Dean rambled as he quickly left the room to save himself from the embarrassment of bearing his heart out to his best friend.

So that's what he did. He left Castiel standing there with a stretched out hand looking stunned and confused.

Not even a few minutes later, Castiel saw D pop his head in and looked worried.

"What did you do to him?" Castiel demanded, storming up to D and grabbing him by the throat. "What did you do to my Dean?" His eyes were glowing and the angelic voice barely restrained in anger.

"Huh?" D looked confused. "I didn't do anything, Cas." He titled his head to the side but winced at the tone Castiel was using. "I thought you two were talking it out finally."

"You said something to him, I know it. Dean wouldn't leave me without letting me explain to him." Castiel growled as he pushed D against the wall, the impact making the older hunter groan in pain but the thud was loud enough for anyone to hear within the bunker. "I will not ask again, imposter."

"You really think I'm an imposter? Come on, Castiel." D grunted while breathing through the pain. "What you saw was Dean being himself. Finally opening up. I guess you don't feel the same way he does. Although that doesn't stop you from trying it with me. Cause the way you're staring at me now, could eat me up." He flirted, knowing Dean was just around the corner. He could sense his own self a mile a way and the thud would have caught his attention. What he didn't expect was Dean to make a low pained sound and disappear around the corner. He now was facing a rather angry angel and was screwed.

"Do not make assumptions on things you can't begin to understand boy." Castiel hissed. "You may be from the future but you are in my time now. You will stop this at once.

"Seriously Cas, stop using that tone. You're getting me aroused." D warned him but all that got D was being thrown across the room and he hit the book shelf with a loud thud. "Ow! Motherfucker. What did you do that for?" He complained from the ground.

"You are causing more trouble than I like. You stay away from my Dean. I do not want you filling his head with whatever you are telling him and your behaviour is downright disgusting. You are not my Dean." Castiel's true voice rang through making D wince in pain as Castiel lifted him up and punched him in the jaw then let the hunter drop to the ground with a thud. As D looked up, he saw Castiel's wings flared out in warning. His eyes widened even further in understanding. Castiel was warning him. He was warning him to stop what he was doing. He must have sensed Dean as well at that moment.

He pushed it too far.

"I'm just trying to help him. Make him a little jealous so he would get his head out of his ass." D said in a rush, the sight of Castiel like this was both arousing yet frightening. He never saw Castiel this angry before. Not unless he counted the alley beat up session.

Castiel looked like the magnificent yet terrifying creature he was. Black wings spread out wide, he could count six to begin with but it was the pure bright electric glowing blue eyes that stared right into his soul.

Castiel took in the words he was saying as he walked over and knelt down a little to stare at D in the eyes.

"Make another move like that again and you will regret it." Castiel warned him. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." D nodded. "But you better move now. Dean saw all that and probably thinks..."

"I know what he thinks and I plan on setting that straight. No thanks to you." Castiel stood up. "You better pray he listens to me and hears what I'm saying. If he doesn't, you will pay for it." Castiel turned and stormed out of the room leaving D alone in the library, shaking and trembling from that.

"Oh don't let me be an idiot." D repeated over and over as he fell unconscious from the small beating he just got.

Castiel practically tore through the hallways, his wings still out in display but he didn't care. Right now he needed to find Dean and put the record straight.

As straight as it could be when it came to them.

What is it with them both and always misunderstanding what they were trying to tell each other? Could D be right and Chuck was behind it all? Pushing those thoughts aside, he paused when he heard the sound of crying.

Jack was crying.

Torn between fixing things with Dean and going to find out if Jack was alright, Castiel cursed under his breath as he headed straight to Sam's room where he knew Jack was.

What he didn't expect was to see Dean in Sam's room with Jack in his arms and humming a song to the crying baby.

"It's alright, lil guy. It's alright." Dean soothed Jack in a way that he did with Sam when he was a baby. "You're okay. I know the crashes were big and loud. Scared me too. It's okay."

Sam looked up from where he was sitting to see Castiel at the door looking straight at Dean. The angel was breathing heavily meaning he was stressed out about something. He stood up and quietly left the room much to Dean's confusion but when Dean turned, he saw Castiel.

"I thought you were with D." Dean said bitterly as he turned back to soothing Jack. "You scared him."

"I scared him?" Castiel repeated, shocked and horrified.

"Yeah." Dean said as he was gently rocking Jack. "Those loud crashes and your angelic voice. I don't know why you were cursing but it scared him."

"Dean.." Castiel came over and placed a gentle hand on Jack's forehead, it soothed the young boy almost straight away. "I didn't mean to scare him."

"It happens when you're doing stuff that loud." Dean said quietly, his focus on Jack.

"You mean giving someone an ass whipping?" Castiel raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever you wanna call it. Just do it in your room next time." Dean grumbled.

"That would render my room useless and bloody." Castiel frowned then it clicked. "Dean. Look at me."

"Cas I really don't want to do this right now, I literally just saw you two and..."

"You didn't see or hear everything." Castiel pressed. "Do I look happy?" He questioned.

"Huh?" Dean frowned at that.

"Do. I. Look. Happy." Castiel repeated making Dean scowl at him but as the hunter turned to look at the angel, he took in the appearance. Castiel didn't look happy.

He looked murderous. Angry. Frustrated.

However there was an emotion Dean picked up on that he knew in an instant.

Heartbreak.

"Put him down to sleep. We need to talk and you will listen so help me otherwise I will tie you up and leave you somewhere for a period of time." Castiel warned him.

"A tied up time out?" Dean tried to push the images that came up with that far away as he placed the now sleeping Jack in the little makeshift cot they had for him. Dean was rather glad that he thought to bring the cot from Kelly's house back to the bunker at the time.

"Yes." Castiel grabbed Dean's hand and dragged him out of the room but not before stopping to look at Sam, who was leaning against the wall. "Keep watch over him and do not let that idiotic human from the library come anywhere near this area. Or there will be hell to pay."

"No problem, Commander." Sam said with a nod, agreeing with what Castiel was saying. He overheard a few things and he was rather angry with his brother's future self and the game he had played. He glanced around Castiel's wings to see Dean staring at Castiel, his cheeks flushed with something Sam didn't want to name but rather amused at the same time. "Don't forget protection. You know, angel blade and all." He winked.

"Sam!" Dean choked out. "Whoa!" He yelped as Castiel picked him up with no effort at all and walked off with him, Dean over his shoulder and staring at his ass.

Sometimes he really did forget how strong Castiel was as he was no light man at all. Dean knew he was still pretty fit and mostly muscle now but it was still quite daunting to have someone lift and carry him like this. His fingers were itching to bury themselves in Castiel's wings. He really wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked or were they sharp and deadly? Unable to contain his childlike curiosity, he let out a small noise that he was pretty sure would make him sound childish but he didn't care, he went in for the kill.

Hands straight into the black feathers.

He was not prepared for just how soft they felt under his finger tips nor was he prepared for the extremely sinful moan that came from the owner of said wings.

"Dean." Dean's cheeks flushed deeply with his own arousal at the sound of just how wrecked Castiel sounded and he barely touched the feathers. "You test my will power." He growled as he slapped Dean's ass lightly making the hunter yelp and by what he felt, Castiel was positive that aroused Dean even further. He couldn't help but smirk at the reactions he was getting.

As if Dean thought he didn't feel anything towards him let alone feel the same? He was going to set that straight. Reigning in his desires and pure instincts to basically pound Dean into the next century and wrap the man up in so much of his grace that Dean would never have to question how Castiel felt about him, Castiel focused on what was needed to be done.

They needed to talk first.

Dean was a wrecked mess by the time Castiel reached his room. It took little effort to get in and close the door behind them. Castiel even added an extra lock so no one could disturb them.

Dean let out a small oof as he was thrown onto his bed but still in a gentle manner. Castiel's wings flared out once again in display for him and Dean was pretty sure his face was on fire. He was also pretty sure Castiel was showing off his strength to him, angelic wings and all.

"Are you...trying to uh...." Dean couldn't find the words to describe what he was seeing.

"Entice you? Arouse you? Show you how strong I am?" Castiel took off his trenchcoat and laid it out on the chair nearby. "Capture your undivided attention?" He asked as he undid his tie, Dean's eyes following the action which had the hunter breathing heavily and swallowing a little but he gave a nod.

"Y-Yeah." Dean tried to cool himself down. This wasn't happening. It had to be a hot wet dream he was having. He must have fallen asleep quicker than he thought and now he was imagining things.

"Yes, Dean." Castiel smirked at him, the action making Dean shift in his spot. It was pretty clear his pants were tight and uncomfortable. He moved over to Dean's spot and hovered over him just a little but not enough to be dominating him. Not yet anyway. "Do I have your attention now?" He asked gently, his fingers trailing lightly across Dean's cheek in a tender loving manner. Dean's eyes were flicking between his eyes and lips but he nodded.

"Yeah, Cas. You do." Dean whispered. He let out a small gasp as Castiel took a hold of his chin in a firm but gentle grip.

"Then listen carefully to me." Castiel's voice took on a deeper note, a tone that demanded nothing other than Dean's undivided attention and the command to listen. "You are not the only one in this that feels much deeper than just a normal friendship between us."

"You mean.." Dean couldn't breathe. Did he have it all wrong? Should he have heard Castiel out in the library?

"Yes you should have. You ran off before I could explain what I meant." Castiel gave him a scolding look. "I was coming to find you when that idiot started up that nonsense."

"I don't understand." Dean whispered.

"He is not you." Castiel pressed as he cupped Dean's face with both hands, the action both possessive and tender, stealing Dean's breath away in the best possible away. "I don't want him, Dean. I want you." He said softly, his thumb running lightly along Dean's bottom lip. "There is no other than you. You are my stars and heaven, Dean. Everything I could possibly want is right here infront of me. You. You are everything to me and not just as my friend. You are so much more to me, you're my heart." His voice was soft and tender, each word cutting deeper into Dean.

"Cas.." Dean couldn't stop the tears falling even if he tried to.

"What is it, dove?" Castiel murmured softly, wiping away Dean's tears.

"Will you just kiss me already?" Dean practically begged.

"Hmm, I don't know." Castiel smirked, his tone teasing. "You did run off on me."

"Cas." Dean complained and instead pushed himself up so he could reach Castiel's lips with his own. His angel was killing him and he couldn't wait a second longer.

Castiel had planned to tease Dean a little longer but the moment their lips touched, it was as if galaxies and universes exploded all at once behind Castiel's eyes.

It was everything and so much more.

This was the divine.

Chapter Text

Dean couldn't believe this was actually happening.

He was actually on his bed with Castiel over him and kissing him like a man starving of thirst. He was absolutely in his own heaven and made sure Castiel knew exactly what he was doing to him.

In return he felt the one thing he never thought he would ever feel.

Castiel's own arousal.

In that moment he started to get extremely overwhelmed as the emotions he had kept locked up in that tiny box in in the corner of his mind began to burst open.

It wasn't until the loss of Castiel's lips on his being replaced with Castiel gently rubbing under his eyes that Dean realised something.

He was crying.

"Dean? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Castiel's panicked tone broke Dean out of the small trance he had been and he violently shook his head. So hard he gave himself a headrush and let out a small groan because in doing that, he clashed heads with Castiel.

It took a moment before Dean let out a small chuckle.

"No, no. You didn't hurt me. Honest." Dean said truthfully, he was still breathless from that kiss as he tried to sit up a little but with Castiel leaning over him like that, it was a little hard.

Pun not intended.

"Then why are you crying, sweetheart?" Castiel asked gently. The nickname not lost on either of them as Castiel wiped away the tears that were still coming out.

"It's just.." Dean tried to figure out how to put it into words but he couldn't. "You, me." He motioned between them as he tried to get his breathing under control but instead a small sob burst out. "Never thought..." He was stammering and Castiel knew exactly what he was trying to say.

Within seconds, Castiel changed the position they were in and had Dean securely tucked against him with him underneath, his wings coming around to shield Dean from everything and comfort him.

Dean couldn't stop the tears or breaking down in Castiel's arms even if he tried. Instead he wrapped his arms around Castiel's back and buried his face into his angel's chest.

"I've got you." Castiel whispered as he tightened his grip on Dean, not enough to hurt or bruise the hunter but just enough that he could feel it.

"I'm so sorry." Dean said between small sobs as he clung to Castiel. 'I'm so sorry."

Castiel didn't know what Dean was apologising for but he didn't stop him from trying to get out his words or feelings. He felt Dean needed to do this even though it was breaking him to see Dean so upset. Instead he removed a hand from Dean's back to gently run his fingers through Dean's hair, a small action but he felt Dean's body relax completely against him. He just whispered soothing words in both english and Enchoian until Dean was able to calm down.

"I never should have let you go." Dean whispered, his head resting against Castiel's chest, ear pressed to where he could hear Castiel's heartbeat. "I should have listened harder to you about Jack."

"Why didn't you?" Castiel's tone wasn't scolding but confused yet still kind.

"I was scared." Dean admitted as he pulled back slightly to look up at his angel. "I was scared that if I got attached in any way, I would have to kill him if he was just like Lucifer. I had Sam to raise and I got attached to Ben and look how that turned out."

"There's something else. It's not just Sam and Ben. Dean I need to know exactly why you held back." Castiel said gently. "Please."

"I had a daughter." Dean said as he sat up and pulled away just enough that they weren't fully touching but Castiel's wings were still around him. "Her name was Emma."

"Was?" Castiel titled his head to the side. "I didn't know."

"Of course, you didn't. I swore Sam to secrecy." Dean took a breath and gently released it before explaining the entire thing to Castiel. "So that's why I held back. I couldn't kill my own child, Sam had to. I got attached the second she said she wanted out. I really thought I could have that."

"Oh Dean." Castiel whispered. "I knew there was something but I didn't want to press it. Not until you were ready and by then..."

"I had drove you away and to act alone which then got you killed." Dean looked away. "I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for that."

"It doesn't matter if you can't because I do." Castiel reached out his hand to gently touch Dean's cheek and turned gently so Dean was looking at him. "Dean you are the most selfless man I have ever known. Everything you do is for love and not for yourself. You have always put everyone first, even when you shouldn't have. You were dealt with a hard life but you have tried to make the best out of it. Not only that but you have made so many changes to the world, to me. I only started caring about humanity because of you. You helped me see a different path." His voice was soft and gentle. "You changed me, Dean and that is something I'll always be grateful for. You taught me how to love, to feel."

"Cas.." Dean's eyes stun with tears. "I've treated you so badly yet you keep coming back. Why?"

"Why else? I love you. I don't love your behaviour and sometimes it drives me insane but it doesn't change how I feel about you." Castiel said simply. "I also know there's a reason behind the outbursts and why you tend to shut down at times. It's when no one is listening to you, everyone may think you are closed off and you don't show your emotions or feelings." Castiel chuckled a little. "But you do. You don't say the words, you show it in actions."

"Sometimes it amazes me how well you understand me." Dean said softly. "Better than I do with myself."

"I still get it wrong, Dean." Castiel reminded him as he moved his hand away.

"We need to work on our communication. Too many misunderstandings." Dean said softly as a wing was gently stroking his cheek.

"I agree. It won't change overnight but we are making a start." Castiel smiled as Dean was gazing at his wings.

"I want you to stay." Dean looked from the wings to Castiel. His eyes serious all of a sudden. "I want you to stop leaving me because you think I need something, a win or whatever. I don't need anything other than you. Staying right here, by my side. I never wanted you to leave at all. Every time you do, it hurts. I think you won't come back. I can't keep up the facade that it doesn't hurt me when you disappear without warning or you think you have to be useful in some way. All I need is you, for you. Nothing else. Couldn't give a shit if you had powers or not."

"Dean.." Castiel couldn't breathe as he took in Dean's words. "I never wanted to leave you at all." He whispered, tears falling freely from his own eyes now. "All I ever wanted was to stay with you. I wanted to be useful because that's all I've ever known. I've only ever had orders to follow, free will was not something I was used to and any time I showed it, well Naomi happened."

"What are you talking about?" Dean frowned. "What did she do to you, Cas?"

From Sam's room, D managed to come in despite the broken shoulder and probably jaw from the force of Castiel's punch. He wanted to see Jack and to see how the kid was doing with being a baby now.

"Castiel really knocked you down." Sam mused as he helped pop D's shoulder back into the socket making the older man groan in pain.

"I deserved it." D grumbled a little as he rubbed his face with his good hand. "How's the kid?"

"Sleeping."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE DRILLED INTO YOUR SKULL?! SHE DID WHAT?!"

Sam looked up in alarm but D couldn't stop the laughter that came out from him but stopped to check on Jack.

Thankfully the child was still fast asleep.

"What the hell was that?" Sam looked worried.

"Just Dean learning about all the times Heaven reset Castiel." D said as he rubbed his shoulder a little while getting the arm band on that Sam had on hand. "Remember with Ezekiel? And uh the kid that Castiel had to kill?"

Samandriel?" Sam asked and D nodded. "You mean they...fucking hell. No wonder Dean is angry."

"Not just that. Remember when you met Jimmy that one time after Castiel said he had to tell Dean something then he vanished but came back changed?" He asked and Sam nodded again. "Well Naomi reset him. Painfully. She also did it when we came back from Purgatory. That's why I thought Cas was acting different. She was manipulating him and controlling him."

"But why?" Sam frowned.

"Why else, Sam?" D rolled his eyes. "Because of love."

"Love?" Sam repeated. "I thought that's what Angels were meant to do."

"Yes, humanity as a whole but Castiel was different." D said looking at Jack then back at Sam. "He was punished not for loving humanity but for one human. Dean. He gave everything up just for Dean. Not for the world but for Dean and only Dean."

"So.." Sam said softly. "I was right? That their bond runs much deeper than just being friends."

"Yes. I believe the term would be a halo mate or soul mate. Something like that. Yes I read." D grumbled at Sam's raised eyebrows. "The thing is with Angels is that they need something or someone to love and worship. It consumes them. Angels were supposed to love humanity but worship 'God'." D rolled his eyes. "A angel's heart is quite a precious thing, you know. They do not give it away lightly but when they do, it's for eternity. Not even death can take that away."

"But what about the other person?" Sam asked. "What if they can't handle that intensity? Being an angel's one and only?"

"Then they walk away but the angel will most likely either die or fade into nothing." D said softly. "This is what I read though."

"So you don't know if that's true or not." Sam frowned.

"I do know one thing is for certain." D said as he stood up. "If I knew back then what I knew now, I wouldn't have hesitated for a second. I lost my heart to Cas in Hell. Plain and simple. It just took me too long to realise it and when I did, it was too late."

"So you're really hoping that being here has changed that." Sam said quietly as he glanced at Jack when the baby made a sound.

"Very much so." D went to open the door when he saw Castiel grabbing Dean in the middle of the hallway as he was ranting away. "Is uh, everything alright?" He asked as Castiel threw Dean over his shoulder and the hunter was pouting. Not that anyone would say that out loud.

"Everything is just fine." Castiel said over Dean's 'that's bullshit and you know it'. "We were just discussing something."

"Yeah we heard." Sam said amused. "Why is Dean ranting?"

"We're hunting Naomi." Dean said from his spot on Castiel's shoulder. "So get the gear and everything..."

"We are not hunting Naomi." Castiel said seriously.

"Cas she took away so much! And..."

"And I got it all back." Castiel reminded him. "Because of you. Dean, enough." He all but growled but his eyes flashed bright blue for a moment. "I do not want to hunt her because it means she would be near you and I will not have that."

"So you're not trying to stop me from ganking the bitch. You're just being a possessive dick." Dean grumbled.

"A possessive dick that is determined to keep you alive. Our son needs both his fathers not to mention we have other things to worry about other than Naomi." Castiel said seriously.

"Dean." D said gently making the hunter look up at his future self. "Castiel is right but you need to know that this goes beyond the normal protection. You're everything to Castiel. So naturally you come first and so does Jack. There is no arguing against an angel once the bond is set. It goes against their very instincts to let their other half near what they consider a very dangerous threat and Naomi is a dangerous threat to you."

Castiel raised an eyebrow at D but didn't argue with what he was saying.

"Cas?" Dean asked quietly. "Is that true?"

"Yes." Castiel said softly. "The thought of you being in the same room as her, it makes my skin crawl. I would rather be in Hell again than let you be anywhere close to her. And the same goes for Jack. I will never forgive her for making you think I don't feel the same way as you do."

"I'm feeling left out here." Sam pouted.

"Oh come on. Get your own angel." Dean gave his brother a look. "Or there is one we could call..."

"I'm out of here! I need to check on Jack. Don't you dare call him." Sam warned as he disappeared off into his room leaving two amused hunters and one very confused Angel.

"Gabriel. He likes to tease Sam. I think there's something there but dunno. I know he was big on trying to prepare Sam for when the first Apocalypse happened." D frowned a little but winced in pain as his shoulder began to hurt.

"It seems I may have gone a little too far in beating you up earlier." Castiel raised a hand and healed the injuries with ease.

"Wait a second." Dean said making both Castiel and D look at him. "You didn't touch him."

"What?" D was confused.

"To heal. You didn't touch his head or anything. You always do that with me." Dean gave Castiel a look. "You can heal without touching?"

"Uh..." Castiel flushed under the look Dean was giving him.

"I knew it. You just wanted an excuse to be touchy feely!" Dean pointed at him. "Also can we go to bed now? As awesome as this is, you showing off your strength with how light I am on your shoulder, this is not comfortable for me."

"I'm glad you're being more open Dean." D smiled at him. "I'm proud of you for that." He added stunning his younger self into silence but he got a small nod in return as he turned to walk away.

"This doesn't stop me from still wanting to kill Naomi, Cas."

"I know."