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Chapter Text

The cultivation world was enveloped in chaos as Huan Hua Palace perished. Blood dripped down the stairs to the sect in streams as Tianlang-jun made his way through the list of enemies and villains hiding behind a facade of righteous immortals. His subordinates tracked down those who escaped all over the realm. Cang Qiong refused to join any side of the conflict and other sects were too preplexed to take action. Cang Qiong only took the innocent members of Huan Hua under their wings as the sect they knew was destroyed. None of that chaos however reached rural areas, high up the mountains. 

Shen Jiu woke up slowly, progressively. The first flicker of awarness came to him when someone opened the door and the body next to him moved. There were some muffled voices he was too drowsy to distinguish, the person next to him stood up and left with the other person. Shen Jiu dozed off again. When he finally woke up completely he felt relaxed and rejuvenated like never before, as if that night made up for all sleep depravation of his life, even though it wasn't that long. Shen Jiu and Shang Qinghua stayed up late for their first night of passion together. Shen Jiu never thought being so close to someone would feel so good.

Speaking of Shang Qinghua, where was he? 

For the past two days since Shen Jiu had risen from the dead, the Rat and the kids followed him everywhere, clinging to him like leeches. He did not complain though. They have shown him the house, the mountains, the village nearby and the stream that would later morph into the vast Luo river. Since Shang Qinghua was terrible at keeping the house neat and it's been almost a month since they arrived, Shen Jiu spend the two days terrorising everyone into cleaning.

Groggily he left the bed and sluggishly made his way towards the door. He stood in the corridor listening, wondering where Shang Qinghua might have gone. A faint sound of pots clanging caught his attention and he walked towards the kitchen. What he saw through the ajar door made him pause. He leaned on the doorframe and obsedved.

Shang Qinghua had his back towards the door. With one hand he skillfully put ingredients into the pot and stirred it. His other hand was busy supporting Yingying that was perched on his hip. She observed Shang Qinghua work while clinging to him. Shang Qinghua spoke to her in a whisper.

"There is nothing to worry about anymore. We're all safe here, Baba is awake, and no one is going to hurt you ever again."

Shen Jiu's heart tightened as he listened.

"Bad dreams happen to everyone when they are afraid."

"Do you have bad dreams?" Yingying asked with a wet voice, she's been crying.

"Of course. All the time." Shang Qinghua tightened his hold. "I am also afraid of many things."

"Like what?"

"Darkness for example."

At that Yingying actually chuckled. Shen Jiu regretted he could not see any of their faces without revealing his presence.

"A-Die is silly. Darkness is not scary!" she chirped. Both men were shocked and delighted. It was the first time any of the kids called Shang Qinghua something different than Rat gege.

"But it is! You are just a very brave little girl." Shang Qinghua quickly gathered his bearings. The two teased each other a bit while coocking, Yingying forgetting about her nightmare.

Unbestknown to the pair Shen Jiu still observed from the doorframe with a rare smile on his lips. He could get used to this. 

"Well, breakfast will be ready in a minute. Time to wake up the rest." Shang Qinghua put Yingying on the ground.

"I'm already here." Shen Jiu spoke up and both pairs of eyes snapped at him.

"Baba!" Yingying exclaimed and ran up to him. Shen Jiu crouched down and almost plopped on his butt from the impact of a five year old charging at him. She clinged to him hard and he could only reciprocate. How could he not? He was infinitely grateful that he could even hold her when he thought she was killed. And then he died too.

Traitorous tears gathered in his eyes. It was incredibly hard to let her go. "Go fetch Fan-er." he said with a strained voice as he stood up. Yingying ran to wake her brother up, bouncing like a ball, leaving the two adults alone.

"What's wrong?" Shang Qinghua noticed something wasn't right. He approached with a worried expression and Shen Jiu just couldn't stand it anymore. The tears started falling freely as he grasped Shang Qinghua in a hug, nuzzling his face into the other's neck.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong. Everything is just perfect and I... I..." he was not the type to get so sappy, the emotions he never thought he'd experience were overwhelming, like they couldn't fit in his shrivelled heart. "I'm so happy..." 

He did not forget about the bad things that happened, about the betrayal and fear that festered in his mind. He did not forget there were people after them. But being here, with Shang Qinghua and his children safe and sound, he felt secure like never before. He knew everything would be fine from now on, his luck finally turned for the better and it felt unreal. 

Shang Qinghua hugged him back just as tight with a relieved sigh. "That's good. I'll make sure you're always happy from now on." he promised. Shen Jiu has been through too much, they all have, and it was enough. "No one will ever hurt you again, neither of you." 

Shen Jiu detached himself from the other man. His eyes were a bit red and puffy, his cheeks wet. Shang Qinghua instinctively cupped Shen Jiu's face in his hands and wiped the tears with his thumbs. A faint smile appeared on the other's face, not the smirk or the cunning lift of his lips, but a soft, genuine smile. Shang Qinghua just stared mesmerised. How could someone be so beautiful while doing so little? 

Shen Jiu grabbed the hands still holding his face and said something that has never left his lips before, but Shang Qinghua deserved it, he was the only one Shen Jiu wanted to give it to.

 "I love you." 

Shang Qinghua's mouth opened and stayed agape. He wanted to say something, to say it back, because that was the truest feeling he's ever felt, and Shen Jiu should know it too, but was stunned into silence. Shen Jiu wasn't a sappy person, his walls were built high and sturdy, breaking them required a lot of effort. The fact alone Shen Jiu shed tears in front of someone else was a greater honor than being recognized by the emperor. That he said those words had Shang Qinghua almost ascending and eyes watering. 

"Why is everyone crying?" Ming Fan asked while yawning in the doorway. "You're gonna flood the kitchen." 

Shen Jiu scoffed amused. 

"We were talking about bad dreams." Yingying provided.

Ming Fan didn't seem convinced but the conversation was cut short by breakfast being served. 

"How can you coock so decently while your tea is always so atrocious?" Shen Jiu wondered aloud. 

"What's wrong with my tea? I like it." Shen Jiu just gave him a side eye. 

After a slow, peaceful morning Shen Jiu was restless not used to lack of responsibilities hanging over his head with a deadline. It gave him too much time to think about unpleasant stuff, like the day of his trial and the uncertain future. He could see Shang Qinghua also didn't like being idle, so he suggested a trip to the marketplace. They were running low on some supplies and robes. Although Shang Qinghua had retrieved their belongings, as well as sneaked into Qing Jing and robbed Li Chengli, they had too many Cang Qiong uniforms and too little casual clothing. 

The trip would take few hours be it not for the convince of a flying sword as the first bigger town only appeared when the Luo stream would turn into the Luo river. The market was not even half as busy as the one beneath Cang Qiong, yet Shen Jiu still anxiously gripped Yingying's little hand and checked if Ming Fan was holding onto Shang Qinghua every few seconds. He would not be taking any chances. 

Shang Qinghua noticed how tense he was and quickly thought of a remedy. He dragged the group to a stall selling ribbons.

"Fan-er, Ying-er, what colours do you want?" he asked.

"Green!" both kids answered in sync. They decided long ago green was their favourite, because Baba liked it too. He had even given them green robes and dressed this way himself.

Shang Qinghua bought two dark green ribbons while Shen Jiu observed in confusion, occasionally staring daggers at the innocent stall owner. Shang Qinghua took a piece of charcoal from who knows where and wrote few characters on the ribbons with calligraphy so illegible Shen Jiu had the urge to smack him over the head.

 A regular pedestrian would not even notice when Shang Qinghua infused the ribbons with his qi, but Shen Jiu did. In that moment he understood what Shang Qinghua was doing and helped tie the ribbons around the children's wrists.

"Here. Now even if we get separated all you have to do is seek my qi." Shang Qinghua said.

"What if there are cultivators here and they sense it? Aren't there people after you?" Shen Jiu was sceptical.

"Actually, no. Cang Qiong won't issue a search, Li Chengli lost her position and core so she is no longer a threat and Huan Hua fell. No one has time to hunt for an insignificant traitor." Shang Qinghua reassured as they resumed the trip. "And if any cultivator wandered somewhere so deslote, I'd already know." he said with a mischievous smile.

"How?"

Instead of answering Shang Qinghua pointed to a tall building in the corner of the street. Shen Jiu stared at it in confusion for a moment, not understanding until the wind moved the lantern hanging near one of the windows. It revealed an incantation. The lantern was a talisman. Shen Jiu searched the street for more and found two talismans, one as a curtain and another simply slapped onto the wall.

Shang Qinghua looked very proud of himself. This confident and competent demeanour made Shen Jiu suddenly feel way too hot.

"If any cultivator enters the town, the village, or anywhere near our home, I will know." Shang Qinghua continued unaware of the other's predicament.

They made their way through the stalls with food and some other necessities, Shen Jiu made an effort to haggle with the stall owners seeing how liberate Shang Qinghua was with their money. The rat must have been doing it on purpose for some reason, as Shen Jiu would not believe an undercover spy and An Ding Head Disciple for years would not know how business worked.

He finally had enough of the excessive spending in the clothing store.

Shen Jiu was in one of the changing rooms, trying on a black and green set made with rich silks. It was one of the most expensive items in the store, but Shang Qinghua insisted he at least try it on. Shen Jiu couldn't say he didn't like the clothes, and they fit like a glove, but it was much too pricy.

He heard rustling of the curtain and turned to Shang Qinghua's face peeking inside with mouth agape. There was pure adoration in his eyes, one that had haunted him for two years before he confessed. Shang Qinghua often looked at him that way, often tried to hide it but Shen Jiu knew. Even his dreams had showed him the vision as if to prove, to scream at him that Shang Qinghua loved him. Even Liu Qingge, who was way more obvious with his intention, didn't have this quality of a feeling in his eyes.

"I hope you are buying it. You look stunning." Shang Qinghua stepped into the changing room, carrying yet more clothes to try on. "Oh, and there's a matching fan." he passed him the item. Shen Jiu accepted it hesitantly.

Shen Jiu looked at himself in the mirror and started disrobing to Shang Qinghua's surprise. "Hmph! I'm not buying something I can make myself. It's way too expensive."

"We don't really have to worry about money anymore."

"Do you have a stable income? What you stole from Li Chengli won't last forever, Qinghua." he couldnot believe he had to explain this.

"Well, maybe we don't have income right now, but the Mobei Clan does." Shang Qinghua answered, cowering a bit seeing how mad Shen Jiu had gotten.

"What?" Shen Jiu did not understand.

"Tianlang-jun gave us half of the North's assets and Mobei-jun is now working for us. Have I....not mentioned that?" he cowered even more, terrified as he couldn't discern the emotions on Shen Jiu's face.

"No!?" Shen Jiu was in disbelief. "Why would he do such a thing?!" 

"He said something about being indebted to you and that I handled the North's affairs anyway, and that it was our.. um....." Shang Qinghua's voice got quieter and his last words impossible to hear. 

"Speak properly. What did he say?" 

Shang Qinghua flushed red as he gathered courage. "That it's our early wedding gift." he squealed. 

A wedding gift. A wedding gift. A wedding to Qinghua. 

Shen Jiu could feel his heart make few leaps. The Rat has been edging him on the whole day, being so insufferably competent, protective and caring, and the confidence looked so good on him, and the cowering that had previously infuriated him was now endearing, and...! 

"I... I tried telling him that nothing is for certain- not that I don't want, but...but I don't want to pressure you or anything-but-!" 

Shang Qinghua could not continue his rambling as Shen Jiu grabbed his face and kissed him roughly. Shang Qinghua instantly melted, letting Shen Jiu's demanding tongue take what it wanted. He tried to kiss back, but Shen Jiu kissed him with desperation that left no space for him to do anything. 

"What pressure?" Shen Jiu said in between kisses and gasps of air, "What uncertainty? Have I not been clear enough?" as if to prove a point he doubled his efforts to devour Shang Qinghua's mouth who in turn threw his arms around Shen Jiu's neck and grabbed his hair to pull him even closer. They migrated to the wall where Shang Qinghua found himself pressed to the hard wood. 

"It's....huh...It's just so.....unbelievable..." Shang Qinghua struggled to speak under the onslaught "that you.....would...huuuuuh..." Shen Jiu moved down to his neck, to a place he has already learned is sensitive. "that you would choose me...."

Shen Jiu stopped in his tracks hearing this. He straightened to look the flushed and teary Qinghua in the eyes. "Always." he placed the last, soft kiss on Shang Qinghua's forehead and wiped the few tears that escaped with his thumbs. 

Shang Qinghua looked like he was about to cry more, but something unexpected happened. His face changed to that of horror in a flash. He basically pushed past the confused Shen Jiu into the shop. 

"Where are the kids?!" he shouted, looking around and at the cashier, who just shrugged. "You said you would watch them!" the cashier just shrugged again. Shang Qinghua wanted to strangle her. 

Hearing the shout Shen Jiu's blood run cold. Absolute fear climbed up his spine, the anticipation for something horrible to happen. He stood frozen while his brain replayed the scene of Qiu Haitang stabbing Yingying. 

Shang Qinghua reacted quickly by searching for his own qi signature. He let out a sigh of relief as he found them not that far from the shop, but the anxiety didn't let go completely. Both men run out, Shen Jiu still in most of the black and green set. The shopkeeper yelled after them, but they paid her no mind. 

As they approached the place where the kids were a familiar silhouette emerged. Tianlang-jun was holding both kids by the scruffs of their necks and scolded them lightheartedly. 

"Aiyah~ What are you doing here all alone? Don't you know you should stick to your Baba?" 

"I tried telling her that! But she wouldn't listen!" Ming Fan explained. 

"Kitty." was all Yingying provided as she pointed towards an alley. 

"Ah!" Tianlang-jun exclaimed upon noticing the concerned faces in the crowd. "Master Shen and Master Shang. I believe this is yours." he held the children out like two unruly kittens. 

Shen Jiu was there first, grabbing both of them at once and checking for any signs of injury. A heavy sigh of relief left him as he found none. "What were you thinking? We told you not to leave the shop!"

Both kids apologized quietly seeing their Baba get mad. Shang Qinghua was murmuring something about the shop keeper and how she was up for an unpleasant surprise soon.

Tianlang-jun meanwhile observed the family with both fondness and heart ache. It just spiked his determination to do what he came for.

"Wait, how did you enter the city without me noticing?" Shang Qinghua asked when all emotion flagged down.

"Hmm? Oh, the talismans! Your invention I presume? Nice job." Tianlang-jun praised. "But they have one flaw. Although I do cultivate, my technique is vastly different from that of a human. But do not fret, Master Shang, I will help you when we get back home."

"You're staying with us?" Shen Jiu asked suspicious. He did not like how Tianlang-jun called their house his as well, but as he remembered how much the man had done for them he could not refuse.

"Yee, but first, do you have any pharmacist in this middle of nowhere?" he looked around just to find nothing.

"Ah, yes, I will show you to it." Shang Qinghua said. "A-Jiu, would you wrap things up at the clothes shop?"

Shen Jiu only nodded as he took both kids back. In the shop he didn't miss the opportunity to yell at the shop keeper and nearly bring her to tears. Just like that he had aquired everything they had chosen for the fraction of the price. The black robes and the fan were coming with him.

As the woman packed their items Shen Jiu took one last look around the shop. In the fabric section a red silk caught his eye. The quality was probably the best he would get in this part of the country.

"I'm taking this fabric as well, and this." he took quite a lot of golden thread and threw it all into his qiankun pouch without ceremony. Without another word they left to meet with the other two.

Back home Tianlang-jun immediately took the salves he bought and disappeared into a spare room. Only after he emerged back did they learn what happened.

Tianlang-jun slumped onto a chair in the kitchen. He looked exhausted and drained, and seeing how he turned to mortal remedies for injury, he was. Even a heavenly demon can't hold on forever.

"Those Huan Hua dogs are finally done with. And I have gotten all information I could about Xiyan." he said.

"So what now?" Shen Jiu asked already feeling there was a reason Tianlang-jun showed up.

"I need you to help me look for my kid." 

The alley was dark and dirty, a place no respectable noble would step into. But Li Chengli was no longer respectable and she was no longer safe in public. Since that slave's death the demons have been hunting people down all over the country. She was one of their targets. Who made her a target was no secret and her hatred multipied each time she remembered her disciple or his accomplice

For the past month Li Chengli has barely been getting by while hiding from the demons. It was not an easy task without her cultivation and shrinking funds. Her family house was under constant observation so that she could not contact her family, and someone had robbed her bamboo house. She was tired, dirty and humiliated. Dark alleys were the only place she could catch her breath in (despite the stench) since she could no longer afford an inn. 

This particular alley however was a bad choice. From behind the piles of trash two large and skinny dogs emerged, leveling Li Chengli with wild eyes. She did not miss the foam dripping from their mouths. They growled and started closing in. Li Changli didn't even have a weapon, she could only step back slowly and try to run for her life when the dogs attacked. Her tired body was not fast enough. One of the dogs bit into her calve, making her scream in pain. She collapsed while the dog still held onto her leg. The other dog barked furiously. 

There was a plank of wood in her reach. She desperatly grabbed it and flung at the dog biting her until it let go. The other dog tried to stop ber, jabbing her arm with its teeth in the process, but it also got hit. 

The dogs realized they would not achive anything and backed off. Li Chengli rose to her feet and limping left the alley slowly. She would not live for long after that. 

The dog who bit her leg spoke:

"Ptfuu! What a disgusting bitch." 

"Yeah. Let's go get wasted or something." 

"Sure." and the dogs walked away. 

Chapter Text

Train, eat, sleep.

Train, eat, sleep.

Train, eat, sleep.

Repeat.

No matter the weather. No matter the fatigue, no matter the tears that blur the vision, train, eat, sleep, repeat.

Life was gray and dull. Anywhere Liu Qingge went was gray and only sometimes he would see a green shadow and get his hopes up, just to be crushed by reality once more. Only while training could he get reprieve. It felt like preparing for another spar with Shen Qingqiu, like he would step into sight and spout insults at him, and Liu Qingge would kick his ass. But it would never happen. Shen Qingqiu was gone. And it was his fault.

Liu Qingge was slashing at the training dummy with all his might. When that wasn't enough he discarded his sword and started punching the wooden doll until his knuckles bled. He didn't stop at the pain, didn't stop when he could no longer see through tears, or when his nose bled. He couldn't. Because the face he saw was his own, it was him from the day of the trial. He punched that face so that he would stop being an idiot, he punched the reason Shen Qingqiu was dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, DEAD DEAD DEAD DEADDEADEDEADDEAD!!!!!!!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" he screamed feeling utter despair when a pair of arms restrained him and pulled away from the dummy. "LET GO! LET GO OF ME! LET-Let go! Let go of me!" his screams died down as those arms remained wrapped around him and channelled qi. Liu Qingge hadn't even noticed the deviation frying his meridians.

As clarity returned to his mind he wondered who was holding him. There were not many people who could challenge his strength. The sect leader was too busy to leave his peak. His own Shizun wouldn't be so gentle. There was only one more person he could think of.

"Yue-shixiong. You can release me now. I am calm." he said, voice raspy.

Yue Qingyu- no, Yue Qi slowly unwrapped himself from him as if afraid he would go mad again. Liu Qingge turned around to look at the older man. He looked like a ghost, dark eyebags from sleepless nights and pale skin, almost ashen. Liu Qingge had heard in passing that Yue Qi has been waking up screaming almost every night. For the first week those rumours were full of sympathy, but as time went on the tone shifted into annoyance.

"Liu-shidi, you're hurt. Let's go to Qian Cao." Yue Qi said looking at his bloodied hands and blood dripping from his nose.

"No need." Liu Qingge without a care for ruining his clothes wiped his face with a sleeve. He mended the worst of his injuries with qi and decided not to think too much about it. "What are you doing here?"

"I was heading to Qing Jing...." he said. "And I thought I would check on Liu-shidi."

"Unnecessary." Liu Qingge felt anger for reasons he couldn't explain. Bai Zhan was a great distance from Qing Jing, why would Yue Qi go all the way just to check on him?

"Would you like to join me?"

Liu Qingge tensed. On Qing Jing was Shen Qingqiu's grave, or rather a memorial tablet. He has been there only once. He just....couldn't look at it. But maybe it was time...

Without a word he followed the other.

Qing Jing was even quieter than usual, but it was not the tranquility the Peak was associated with. The silence was filled with tension, uncertainty, and fear for the future. The elders tried to select a new head disciple but no one was even half as comletent as Shen Qingqiu. Their anxiety seeped onto the disciples. On An Ding the situation was similar and only the Qiong Ding had a new successor, Yue Qi's rival.

They followed a path to a graveyard, where generations of Qing Jing disciples and elders rested. There was a section of the yard for deceased Peak Lords, a rare occurance yet possible, and those who significantly impacted the sect. A little to the side of that section were two memorial tablets, one for Shen Qingqiu and one for Shen Yingying. It was Liu Qingge who insisted on putting it up for her. The sect leader had no objections.

Liu Qingge stopped in front of them, breath shaky. The flashbacks of Shen Qingqiu's limp body overlapped with the present moment. Noticing this Yue Qi put a grounding hand on his shoulder and squeezed, but as Liu Qingge looked at him he wondered; was he comforting him, or himself. Yue Qi had tears in his eyes, ones he held back for weeks, ones he didn't feel worthy of spilling.

"You know, Liu-shidi, I come here every day and I still can't believe that is all we have left of him." he said as he knelt down to lit two incense sticks for each grave. Liu Qingge followed and closed his eyes to offer a prayer. They remained silent for a long while, neither had much to say, each deeply lost in their own thoughts. 

"You said this is all that is left..." Liu Qingge broke the silence. Was there really nothing to hold onto the memory? "Where are his belongings?" 

Yeu Qi shook his head. "Gone. Someone, Shang-shidi, broke into the sect and took Xiao-Jiu's things, his own, and he robbed the bamboo house." 

"Shang Qinghua was here?! Did you know about this?!" Liu Qingge asked. 

"No, I only found out through a shidi who forgot I am no longer head disciple. It's pretty fresh news also." 

"Maybe we still could track him down? He couldn't have gotten far." Shang Qinghua was the one who took Shen Qingqiu's body. If they had it they could hold a proper burial. He probably also had Yingying. He could at least give them.....something! Some semblence of closure. 

"Has shidi forgotten the portal?" 

Ah. Yes, they could be in the demon realm just as well. Liu Qingge's small hope that he could at least bury Shen Qingqiu and not be left with a stupid memorial tablet died. 

"I wish I had done something...." he whispered what they both thought every hour of every day since the trial. They knew it was their fault, their hesitance cost a life, and only Shang Qinghua actually took action, the one they all called a coword. 

"Maybe something's left at the Red Warm Pa-" 

"I'm not going there." Liu Qingge promptly shut down the suggestion. "I tried....but...." he could not be there without a surge of emotion that left all the women helpless while he cried his eyes out in the room they often stayed in. He cried as he saw the table they so often had dinner at, the bed, the children's paintings thrown around, the toys still on the ground, as if they would come back any moment. And Liu Qingge begged the universe, the gods, anyone, for all of it to be a cruel joke, for Shen Qingqiu to cross that door and scold him for making a ruckus. 

Even now his eyes were hot and ready to spill. He wiped furiously at them. 

"I understand." Yue Qi reached for his shoulder again. "I can somewhat relate...." Liu Qingge looked at him with question. "There is this place, here on Qing Jing, where me and Xiao-Jiu had a fight once. I said something stupid and that, I fear, was the beginning of a downfall. Had I supported his actions then, maybe the trial wouldn't even take place." Yue Qi clutched his fists, forgetting he was still holding Liu Qingge's shoulder. The other fortunately barely noticed the pain. 

"What did you say?" 

"That he shouldn't have attacked the slavers...." Yue Qi looked even worse than before. "I go there sometimes to try to understand what in the world was I thinking?" it remained unsaid he was unsuccessful. 

"Were you heading there today?" Liu Qingge asked. 

Yue Qi indeed was heading to the clearing in the abandoned part of the mountain. Eventually he led Liu Qingge the same path. It somehow felt better to have another person by his side, a feeling Yue Qi was unfamiliar with. 

"I cannot understand my actions then and now." or rather, Yue Qi was not yet ready to own up to them, Liu Qingge figured. 

Liu Qingge himself for a while was unable to understand why he decided to show cowordice in a crucial moment. Accepting it was a whole different story. 

Yue Qi's gaze went unfocused, as if he teleported years back in time. One thing Liu Qingge has learned lately was that distraction was the best cure if temporary. 

"Do you actually know how Shen Qingqiu aquired the kids? And that both I and Shang Qinghua were involved?" he asked. That snapped Yue Qi out of his thoughts. Liu Qingge laid on the grass and waited for the other man to settle next to him. As he told the story he realized something about the ratty shixiong he so often felt distaste for no reason, something he suspected but hoped was not true. 

"Hmm. Not far from what I originally thought but I am still shocked Liu-shidi was so involved." Yue Qi said. "Looking at your noble upbringing, I'd never suspect you would meddle with slaves." the word 'slave' left a bitter taste on his tongue, a taste of the past he tried to erase yet was brutally reminded. 

"Well, my world view did shatter a few times. But not enough...." 

"And what was Shang Qinghua's business?" 

"I think...he liked Shen Qingqiu." Yue Qi abruptly turned his head, eyes full of shock. "That is a possibility."

"And Shen Qingqiu?" 

".... I don't know." he hoped Shen Qingqiu wasn't infatuated with that Rat for a simple, petty reason that was jealousy. 

To escape the conversation Liu Qingge started raising form the soft grass, then something caught his eye. 

"Yue-shixiong, have you ever gone that path?" he asked, staring intently into a spot in the wall of trees. 

"What path?" Yue Qi was confused. There was nothing but forest where Liu Qingge looked. 

"There is a path made by a human. Moderate use. Sword slashes on the cut branches." 

Now that Liu Qingge pointed it out there was a line of clearer space between the branches. Only someone as attuned to hunting as Liu Qingge would be able to spot it. 

Without further ado Liu Qingge embarked the path, Yue Qi closely behind. It led them to an abandoned temple overtaken by nature and time, except the dirt beneath a singular step was devoid of any grass, clearly stepped on often. To the side there laid an old wine jar, the label still clearly spelling Heavenly Blossom. Yue Qi picked it up. 

"Huh, seems like we found the missing bottle..." he murmured remembering the incident from two years ago. 

Liu Qingge entered the temple jus to see a headless statue and demolished interior. He doubted there would be anything meaningful to find, but he still searched behind the altar. To his surprise there was a loose floor panel, well looser than the rest, and beneath it a relatively new chest. It was locked with a key. He brought it out to Yue Qi who looked just as intrigued. 

"Shall we open it?" Yue Qi asked with a spark of curiousity, which was a nice change, since he lost interest in anything lately. Liu Qingge found himself unable to refuse. He took his sword and hit the lock several times to destroy it. Eventually they were able to open the mystery box. 

Inside were papers, lots of papers with spells written in a neat calligraphy, there also brushes and ink, and craft tools used to make jewellery. 

"This is Xiao-Jiu's calligraphy." Yue Qi said. His hands trembled as he picked up the first piece of paper. It had an intricate pendant designed on it with spells and remarks written in perfectly shaped charactere. 

"So that fool doesn't freeze to death" Yue Qi read aloud a section under one of the spells. 

The next few pages were similarly dedicated to the pendant, a lot of trial and error apparent. It mentioned 'the fool' and 'the rat' sveral times. At this point it was obvious who the pendant was for. Then came the drawings. 

"It's Ming Fan and Yingying." Liu Qingge recognized the two. Shen Qingqiu's style was clean and extremely realistic. The kids looked alive in the pictures, smiling and laughing, depicted playing and running around. Liu Qingge found few pictures of himself with the kids and even a detailed portrait. He was younger in that one and the technique was not yet perfected. 

But most of the drawings were dedicated to someone else. Shang Qinghua. From crude sketches to colorful paintings, Shen Qingqiu created a whole stack of Shang Qinghua's portraits. And they were beautiful, filled with scrupulous devotion to capture every detail, every freckle, every unruly lock of hair. There were pages of just eyes, undoubtedly Shang Qinghua's. 

Liu Qingge felt his heart ache. He had been living in delusion and he was right to feel jealous of the Rat all this time. He became even angrier when at the very bottom of the chest they found letters, or rather short notes, almost illegible but all signed by Shang Qinghua. The contents were simple: "will be gone for few weeks", "will be very busy", "I will visit the kids tomorrow", "I bought mooncake for you and the kids, hope you don't mind", and so on, minimalistic messages yet Shen Qingqiu kept them all. 

".... Seems like Xiao-Jiu liked Shang Qinghua back afterall." Yue Qi commented. 

"I don't get it." Liu Qingge furrowed his eyebrows. "Shang Qinghua tried to push me and Shen Qingqiu together all this time. He even gave me advice! If they were both into each other, why would he do that?!" 

"I guess we will never know." 

For the next few days Liu Qingge found himself rethinking many things. He did not like the conclusion. He realized his infatuation with Shen Qingqiu was somewhat fabricated and that Rat had a way of manipulating people however he wanted. It didn't mean he didn't care about Shen Qingqiu or the kids, he did love them, but not in a devoted, selfless way... Not like Shang Qinghua did. The worst part was he knew he had a chance, he knew he could spend the rest of his life with that man, and he knew Shen Qingqiu could, and at some point had liked him. 

His turmoil was interrupted anytime he saw Yue Qi and how the man withered with every day. He did not like the way other disciples talked about and how Yue Qi just allowed that. Yue Qi was shutting in on everyone and everything. Liu Qingge might be emotionally constipated sometimes but even he knew isolation was a terrible idea during the hard times. And so he forced Yue Qi to move in with him. 

The first few nights were....brutal. At first Yue Qi didn't even want to sleep as to not disturb the other. When he did succumb to exhaustion he would wake up with a scream and endless apologies. Many times Liu Qingge tried to have him talk, yet Yue Qi just spilled apologies. Now he understood why Shen Qingqiu wanted to choke the man. 

This continued for two weeks. Now it was Liu Qingge's turn to suffer from insomnia. He laid awake just waiting for Yue Qi to wake up in panic, but the other slept like a rock. Until he didn't. 

Yue Qi woke up with a silent gasp. Instantly he felt a lump in his throat trying to escape through sobs. The urge was overwhelming, yet he slapped a hand over his mouth and curled into a ball of misery. 

"Yue-shixiong...." 

Yue Qi startled. "Ah, shidi.... I did not mean to wake you..." his voice was choked with emotion. 

"You can cry. It doesn't bother me. No one is judging you." Liu Qingge sat up looking at the shivering mass on the other bed in the dim light the moonlight provided. 

"...... What right do I have?" 

"One that you have feelings." Liu Qingge said firmly. 

Yue Qi wanted to find a response but instead was stunned as Liu Qingge slid under his blanket. He tugged until Yue Qi's head was rested on his chest and the rest enveloped in a comforting embrace. It reminded Yue Qi of the way he and Xiao-Jiu cuddled for warmth in winter, which in turn was the final straw. The dam of sorrow that accumulated for so long broke, flooding his heart with sadness and Liu Qingge's chest with tears. 

As the older man broke down Liu Qingge held on tighter. His own emotion spiking again, spilling water down his cheek, he held the shaking man who carried the same guilt on his shoulders. Their hands were forever stained with blood of someone they promised to protect. He hugged the other not knowing which one needed it more. 

Eventually Yue Qi calmed enough to breath. 

 "Shidi... Thank you." he wanted to unwrap himself from the embrace but Liu Qingge would not budge. He could only give up and lay back down on the comfortable chest. It seemed it was his turn to comfort his shidi, so he clung tighter. 

As he lay there he felt strange. Even though physically Yue Qi was bigger he felt like a small child cuddled by someone he trusted, he felt warm and somewhat safe, a feeling he hadn't known before. Had Xiao-Jiu felt the same way when he would curl around him in the cold streets? Was Yue Qi his one, secure place? He knew he was. And still he betrayed Xiao-Jiu again and again.... 

"What are you thinking about?" Liu Qingge asked as he felt the other claw at his robes in distress. 

".... I hate myself....." Yue Qi choked out after a moment. "..... I hate what I did, that I failed to be a brother Xiao-Jiu thought I was.... And I hate those thoughts!"

"What thoughts?" 

"I.... I feel relief! I'm not mourning him properly. And all this is because - because I hate myself for feeling relieved there is no longer burden on my shoulders. He wasn't a burden! I... didn't want to think of him that way! He doesn't deserve someone so wretched for a brother.... I hate that I'm making this about myself.... " Another bout of tears soaked Liu Qingge's robe. 

"Why did you think he is a burden?" he asked. Again, Yue Qi had to take a minute to speak. 

"When Xiao-Jiu was sold to the slavers he was too small to take care of himself or understand what was going on. I don't know why, I was a small child myself, they told me to keep him alive or else.... Xiao-Jiu got attached quickly but for a long time I saw him as bothersome.... Turns out I never truly stopped....." it didn't matter how old they were and how Shen Jiu became independent. For Yue Qi keeping Shen Jiu alive was ensuring his own survival. "I abandoned him.... I didn't mean to, but eventually I did..... He never forgave me and he was right...." Liu Qingge didn't know what to say so he just started caressing the others back with a reassuring hand. "I sound like I never actually cared about him, but I did! Or at least, I believe I did..."

"I think you did." Liu Qingge said. Yue Qi raised his face to look at him with question. "Isn't your guilt proof enough?"

"But that guilt is more about me..."

"It's for him. I think it's enough to say you loved him. Yue-shixiong, you are only human. It's your life, obviously it's gonna be about yourself." Liu Qingge was getting a bit fed up with the others constant self blame. Yue Qi needed to stop spiralling and if the one to do it had to be Liu Qingge, he would gladly do it. Because he understood it deeply. "Enough. Go to sleep."

Faced with such a fierce order Yue Qi could only doze off with his head pillowed on Liu Qingge's chesst. For each of them it's been the best sleep in many weeks.

The next day a message from the Liu estate arrived. The family heard what had happened and were worried for their heir. They requested he come home and rest, Liu Qingge was delighted to go back home, so delighted in fact he dragged Yue-shixiong along.