Chapter Text
Chapter one
Arthur sat on his bed, shoulders slumped and eyes tired. He gazed at the moon with an expression that some would call mournful. It had only been 38 days. 38 days without Merlin and he felt the hole the other man had left spread further and further. But alas, it was for the best.
He remembers the moment he had made the decision vividly. Every detail burned into his mind forever. The way the surprises had been so suffocating as he realized that Merlin had magic. The others eyes as he stumbled back in shock.
The desperate search for excuses they both know wouldn’t suffice to fix this. Arthur had tried to be rational, had tried to collect himself but his heart seemed to be pulled into a million directions at the same time.
He had done the only thing that felt right and as he had pulled Merlin into a hug he had whispered into his ear. “Go. Go to whomever will keep you save. Only return once I am King. Please.”
There was no way he would ever forget Merlin’s grave face as he turned and left, the way a bit of his magic seemed to linger and then fade.
Arthur knew he had done the right thing. But gods he didn’t feel like it. He felt like a fool. Would Merlin even want to return to his side in the future?
To soothe his worries Arthur decided to write Merlin. Now this was of course unusual, foolish even. If those letters got in the wrong hands it could have unfortunate consequences. But he needed to know. He needed to know Merlin was okay.
So he sat at his desk, piles of parchment with scribbled through words and greetings, crumpled paper and stains of ink on his hands. He pushed the hair back from his face and focused on writing.
My dear Merlin
I know by writing you I am putting us both in danger. I apologize for that. If you perceive this to be too dangerous burn the letter do not send a response. But I want to know how you are. Where have you decided to go? How can I help. I am not the castle isn’t the same without you. Please know that I do not hate you, least of all for your magic gift. I promise you I will create a Camelot that will celebrate your return.
Arthur of Camelot
Arthur stares down at the small note he had written and sighed. Considering all his other attempts he had long given up on trying to convey what he felt.
He stepped towards the birdcage in the corner of his room with a grave expression. As he tied the note to his falcons leg he hoped that it would find Merlin and nothing would get in its way.
He carried it to the window and as he watched it soar into the night sky he felt as if he was sending a small part of him out to Merlin. He resumed his restless pacing.
Arthur had faced many difficult decisions in his life and he knew this one wouldn’t be the last. He of course had never expected to choose between Merlin and the way he was raised. Nor did he expect the choice to seem so easy.
If Arthur had been a more rational man he might have acted impulsively and tried to convince his father of something he would never change his mind on but he knew better. There was no reasoning about magic with the current king of Camelot. So he would be patient. For Merlin.