Chapter Text
Nam-gyu had never felt so excited to write something. The passion, motivation, & his utmost hatred he had for his old friend, or his past something more, mixed together to make the words flow out almost naturally.
He wrote the article, his longest yet. He combined everything he had dug up on him & incorporated it flawlessly.
The number one rule for a journalist; never write with bias. Nam-gyu always followed that, but this time, he couldn't help but have a little bias. I mean, this man hurt him. Badly. Who wouldn't write a terrible article dissing someone who hurt them if they had the chance?
Nam-gyu printed out the first draft. He walked into the publishers office, a grin on his face & the paper in hand.
"Nam-gyu, my best employee!" The publisher said, leaning back in his chair.
"I typed this up. Different from what I normally do, but—" he paused to let out a breathy & excusing laugh, "just felt weirdly inspired for this one." He smirked again.
He slid the paper across the desk.
His publisher, In-ho, skimmed over the article. He handed it back to Nam-gyu.
"I'm impressed." he said.
Nam-gyu gave him a small smile.
"You want this in tomorrow's paper?" In-ho asked in a complimentary tone.
"Could you arrange that?" Nam-gyu asked.
"Anything for my best-seller." In-ho spoke again, "I'll do some basic revisions then send it out. Great work."
Nam-gyu stood up, leaving his office proud of himself. He had spent the remaining time at work productively, & it was finally time to leave.
He quickly packed his things, happy & full of accomplishment. He swung his bag strap over his shoulder & walked out, feeling better than ever.
Meanwhile, Su-bong was somewhere, feeling lower than ever, thinking he couldn't ever feel worse.
He sat back in the VIP lounge of Club Pentagon, holding up something he was about to smoke. The club wasn't busy since it was only 6:30. He sat by himself, his legs spread, yet the usual confidence he exerted was now gone.
He seemed pitiful, & sad. He held a cigarette in between his thumb & index finger, a glass of something strong in his other hand.
He puffed out some smoke, then downed the glass in one go.
He continued that for hours. Breaths of smoke, glasses of alcohol. Back & forth, back & forth. He ended the night extremely wasted.
His eyes were half shut, his vision blurry. He lifted his phone with weak hands. It was almost midnight.
He started glancing around, until something on the dance floor caught his eye. In a huge crowd of people, he recognized somebody.
Is that... he thought.
The anger started to bubble up inside of him.
Nam-gyu was dancing with somebody else, clueless to Su-bongs presence.
He didn't know if it was seeing Nam-gyu in general that made him so angry, or the fact he looked so happy with someone else. He looked so free, like he was living his best life.
& honestly, he was. His career was great & he had a good boyfriend, & although Su-bong had no idea, he had just gotten a good bit of revenge.
Su-bong started to stare, just observing.
He barely even recognized him. He looked so different from high school. He finally got the glasses he desperately needed, his style was better, and his hair was fluffed nicely. It was even tucked the way he used to have it when Su-bong was around. Su-bong took it all in.
It made him even more angry.
How could he be doing so good, & I'm not?
He clenched his fists, about to storm over there, before he felt a hand on his wrist.
"Su—..." she stopped herself.
Su-bong turned to look at her. It was Mi-na.
"Let me take you home, Thanos, baby." she forced a reassuring smile onto her face.
He turned his attention back to the dance floor.
Nam-gyu continued to softly sway, a huge smile & a look of admiration & love in his eyes as him & Jun-ho were face to face. He swung his arms over his shoulders, & then the two kissed. Nam-gyus smile melted into their kiss.
Su-bong grabbed the glass from the table, gulping down another drink. Nobody could tell you how many he had, he himself had even lost count.
Mi-na put a hand on his face, turning his head towards her, ripping his eyes off Nam-gyu.
In his barely functioning mind, he had no choice but to turn his anger towards her. She kissed him, & he pushed her away, not even looking at her face. He stared down at the floor.
She had a hurt look in her eyes, but she couldn't bring herself to leave him drunk & alone.
"Come on," she put her hands on either of his shoulders.
He didn't move.
A few steps in front of him, she turned & cried out, "Su-bong!"
Her eyes welled with tears.
"Why do you keep doing this! Why are you being like this, what is wrong with you!?"
Those words cut him deep. He thought, what is wrong with me?
His eyes still didn't meet hers. He was so far gone, he couldn't even get mad at her for using his real name.
"Please! Let's just go home. Don't make this difficult on me," she begged.
She looked at him with a hint of pleading & desperation. He felt too tired to argue. She dragged him out of the door, but his eyes were fixed on Nam-gyu the entire time.
He couldn't differentiate his feelings.
Was it love or hate?
The outside air slapped him in the face hard, but it was far from enough to sober him up. Mi-na stuffed him into the passenger seat & drove the two of them home.
Nam-gyu stayed at the club, having a great night with his boyfriend. They danced majority of the time, but they found themselves sitting comfortably in the lounge after a long night.
Jun-ho had his arm across the back of the couch, around Nam-gyu.
They were drinking together, but Jun-ho was drinking significantly less since he was driving.
"So, how was work today?" Jun-ho asked.
Nam-gyu's face lit up. "It was great, actually. I started on this article that'll be out tomorrow—"
Jun-ho listened with a smile.
"—you'll never guess what it was about."
"Hmmm. Another online scandal?" Jun-ho guessed.
"How'd you know?"
"Lucky guess."
"You'll never guess who got into some drug scandal. I got to write about it, & it was the most fun thing in my life."
"Who?" Jun-hi asked.
"Thanos, the rapper. My friend from high school— well, not friend. Ex friend I guess."
His smile quivered.
Jun-ho didn't say anything.
For the rest of the night, the vibe was off. Something lingered in the air between them, and Nam-gyu couldn't quite put his finger on it.
The car ride home was slightly uncomfortable. A weird uneasiness.
"Are you mad?" Nam-gyu asked, unable to hold in the question any longer.
Jun-ho didn't speak.
"...Did I do something?" Nam-gyu persisted.
"I just have a question." Jun-ho finally responded. Nam-gyu didn't speak, waiting for the question.
"You & that Thanos guy?" he said.
"What?"
"Did you guys hook up or something?" he paused. "I know you weren't simply friends. You had a weird tone in your voice when you said 'ex friend.'"
Nam-gyu didn't answer.
He didn't want to admit something happened between them, but he didn't want to lie either.
Su-bong broke him. They shared an extremely vulnerable moment after Nam-gyu had basically fallen in love with him, & he brushed it off. He told him it was a mistake, & that moment changed everything for him.
He couldn't share that with his new partner, who he was happier than ever with.
"Nothing happened. Why would you think that?" Nam-gyu blatantly lied.
"Don't lie to me."
Jun-ho's voice was firm. Not yelling or raising his volume, but it was cold & Nam-gyu could tell he was upset.
"Once." Nam-gyu admitted, his voice low.
Jun-ho sighed.
"It was 10 years ago. Why does it matter now?"
"You wrote a whole article about him."
"It was nothing good!" Nam-gyu argued. "Everything I wrote was bad, like I said, why does it matter?"
"You took time out of your day to write that, why? You clearly have something unresolved with him."
They pulled into the apartment parking lot, & Jun-ho aggressively parked the car. Neither of them moved to get out. The two had never fought about something so serious before, & they both felt it. It was awkward & painful.
Nam-gyu collected his thoughts before responding, "I don't have anything 'unresolved' with him, that's crazy." he nervously laughed.
"I hate him." he reassured, finally looking at Jun-ho. Jun-ho didn't look at him.
"I promise you." he said calmly, before his tone grew as his anger did too. "Listen, that motherfucker... I hate him so much." he paused.
"He always called me Nam-su. 'Yo Nam-su,' it's Nam-gyu. Nam-gyu, Nam-gyu, Nam-gyu. I think I told him so many times his ears must have bled."
Jun-ho finally looked into his eyes too, but the looks were different.
Nam-gyus eyes looked desperate & reassuring, while Jun-hos were blank. He had never looked at Nam-gyu like that before.
"You seem pretty worked up about it."
He looked away again.
Nam-gyu sighed, "Jun-ho," then he buried his face in his hands for a second.
"I'm sorry, okay? It's not like that."
"Sure it's not."
Nam-gyu opened his mouth to plead his case, but Jun-ho swung open the car door & interrupted him; "let's just go inside."
Nam-gyu got out of the car & rushed to his side, "Jun-ho—"
"I don't feel like arguing with you anymore."
He picked up his pace, walking ahead of Nam-gyu. Nam-gyu stopped in the middle of the road. He had no idea what to do.
& all while Nam-gyu was begging, pleading, & arguing with Jun-ho,
Su-bong sat at home after Mi-na had carried him inside. She was sitting next to him, holding a small rag to his forehead. He was sweating buckets.
"About earlier—" Mi-na started before being cut off.
"Can we not?" Su-bong growled.
Mi-na swallowed.
She continued to dab away the sweat on his face. She gently ran a few of her fingers through his bright purple hair, which was fading, since he was always too overwhelmed & sad to re-dye it.
He pulled his head away from her & took the rag out of her hands, holding it against his head himself.
"Fine. But when you're sober, or at least close to it, we're talking about all of this. Whether you like it or not," then she stood up.
She wasn't sad, or crying anymore, she seemed blank, but Su-bong knew she was angry.
She walked away with a slight attitude, going into Su-bongs room & closing the door behind her. He didn't bother to watch her leave.
He stepped out onto his balcony. The chilled, sharp air outside was nauseating for him. He stood a few steps back from the railing, pulling out his cigarettes once more. He lit one, holding it loosely in between his fingers.
He started reflecting; how did I end up like this?
He was successful, famous, loved. Finally loved. Everything's changed now. He's hated, again, just by the entire world this time. He had his remaining fans, of course, yet it still felt awful.
He never let anyone see him vulnerable. As the tears formed in his eyes, he looked back to make sure Mi-na wasn't there.
He then collapsed, right then and there.
He sat on his knees, not sobbing, but crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks, yet his expression didn't change. He had the same emotionless look in his face.
He was drunk, depressed, & completely exhausted, physically & mentally. He suddenly fell backwards, and everything slowly went black.
The streets bustled, the light from the cars surrounding Nam-gyu, who seemed stuck in place. All he could do was stare at the back of Jun-ho as he walked away.
Jun-ho finally went inside, after not even glancing back at Nam-gyu once.
Nam-gyu sighed heavily. He slowly walked towards his own apartment door, but despite it being his place, he felt unwelcome. It was a crushing sensation. His stomach felt like it was turning as he turned the door handle.
He opened the door, but there was no sight of Jun-ho. He walked in farther, & still didn't see him anywhere.
He pushed his bedrooms door open gently, & there he was. He sat on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor, his head looking down at his lap.
"Jun-ho?" Nam-gyu said softly.
"Let's not." Jun-ho said without lifting his head up.
"Don't be like that," Nam-gyu pleaded.
Nam-gyu slowly walked over & sat next to him, not too close. Jun-ho didn't move.
"Listen, Gyu." Jun-ho started.
"I don't think this is going to work."
Nam-gyu's heart stopped.
"What?"
"It's not gonna work," he repeated. "I can't do this to myself." Nam-gyu looked at him. He had a forced smile on his face, as if trying to fix things.
"I don't want to be with someone who's pining over somebody else."
"I'm not 'pining' over somebody else!"
"Gyu..." Jun-ho finally lifted his head to look at him. He had an apologetic gaze in his eyes.
"I worked as a detective for years. I can tell he meant a lot to you, & that's fine."
He took a sharp breath.
"But I can also tell you're not over him, or whatever happened with him—"
"I am! Jun-ho, I promised, I hate him. I'm over it, okay?"
Jun-ho gave a small laugh.
"It's okay. I hope the two of you work things out."
Nam-gyu looked at him in disbelief. He was offended, weirdly. He hates Su-bong. Why is he so convinced he still likes him?
Jun-ho stood up, & turned to Nam-gyu, who remained sitting.
"I loved you. I will, always. But I think... letting go is the right thing to do. You have a spot in your heart for him, it's not for me. It's all alright."
Nam-gyu's look softened.
"We're still friends. Right?"
He hesitated, then forced out, "Of course..."
Jun-ho gave him a soft smile & then turned & left. Nam-gyu sighed.
He stood up, confused on what to do now. Then, he scooted back on the bed, closer to his nightstand. He threw open the drawer & pulled out a needle.
He walked into his bathroom, immediately ripping off his black hoodie & tying his arm off.
He always loved the feeling of doing this. It made everything brighter & softer at the same time. He let out a relieved breath as he felt the warmness course through him.
He kept his shirt off as he returned to the bedroom. He slid off his jeans, throwing on athletic shorts & climbing into bed.
He was restless; tossing, turning, spiraling the whole night.
He thought it would be the thought of Jun-ho & their breakup on his mind, but... it wasn't.
It was Su-bong.