Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a stupid fight that ultimately wouldn't even amount to anything. The kind of fight that she got into with her mom constantly, but for some reason, especially around christmas.

Dess used to love Christmas, which was the thing that pissed her off the most. It was maybe the one thing that she and her mom could relate to. Seeing the joy on people’s faces when they opened their presents, especially Noelle. Nothing beat it.

… except maybe all the sweets.

But now she was out in the middle of the night, in the cold, again. She could barely even remember what the argument was about. Something about college, her mom had gotten her a fuckin math textbook as a “gift” so she could “get ahead on her studies.”

There was only one university she wanted to go to, the one Asriel was being shipped off to, the same one she had already gotten a rejection letter from a few weeks ago.

She tore it up before anyone could see. But she knew deep down, somehow, her mom knew she was fucked, and that textbook was just some petty way to rub it in.

And besides the point, she had been talking about how much she wanted the new Rude Busters vinyl for months! MONTHS! THIS WAS A BULLSHIT PRESENT AND SHE KNEW IT. Living at home with that monster was already a living hell, she had to make christmas, the one fuckin day a year where maybe they could function as a happy family, a nightmare too.

She hated doing that to her dad, doing that to Noelle, but she had her mother’s temper, and it was either “storm off into the snow shouting obscenities” or break something.

Dess pulled a cigarette out of the pack in her jacket. She always had to keep them on her person or her mom would have them in the trash before she could even get a word in. She lit it, and took a long drag. She loved her new lighter, a gift from Asriel, metal, windproof, probably from her favorite surplus store. It made a lovely noise when you opened or closed the lid. Which she was almost constantly doing in the pocket of her jacket. Engraved on it was an annoying message.

“Don’t get cancer!”
- Love, Azzy

She snorted, reading it again. God, what a dork.

She wanted to go visit him, but she had already ruined one christmas, and she didnt want to fuck up the Dreemurrs’ as well. Especially with the, uh, marital problems, they had been having. And how this was probably Asriel's last Christmas in Hometown. She shook her head at the thought; that was not something she needed to think about right now.  It would only make her cry, and the angel knew she was already barely holding back tears.
She took another drag of her cigarette, a nice distraction, and flicked some of the ash into the snow below her. It was getting really cold.

She was glad she had managed to grab her jacket before running off. It was a vintage paratrooper camo from her favorite surplus store, built for the elements and survival. She had stolen her mom’s credit card to buy it, which had caused them to get into yet another big fight when it arrived.

That bitch wouldn't have even realized the money had been taken from her account!! Well, if it wasn't for her "disappointment of a daughter” sporting a sick new jacket. But who cares?! The money was way better spent on this than yet another stupid Christmas animatronic!!! Whatever, it looked great on her and when the end came (which it will!), she would be the one with camouflage.

She had been walking for a while now, having forgotten her phone in the chaos of the fight, she only had the birds and the wind to listen to, and the birds were especially quiet tonight. Whatever, she was pretty sure her mom had one of those "find my phone" trackers hidden on it so she could stalk her at all times, so it was probably for the best. Her cigarette was now nothing more than a butt, and the cold was starting to bite at the ends of her fingers.

She guessed it was time to turn back. Hopefully she could run past everyone and make it to her room, if her mom hadn't removed the door, again. The last time that had happened she ended up crashing on the Dreemurrs’ couch for like two weeks, not that she was complaining. That house always felt so warm, maybe she would crash there tonight. Toriel was nothing but kind, even if Dess could often read the frustration behind her eyes when she was overstaying her welcome. And it would be nice to see Azzy.

She turned around, only to realize she had no idea where the hell she was.

She was in the woods, obviously, but no part she recognized. She wasn't really paying attention to where she was walking but she didn't think she had been walking long enough to be somewhere entirely new.

The snow was reaching up to her shins and she didn't see light from any nearby roads. But it was fine, this was fine. There was no reason to panic and there was definitely no reason to yell for help. It had been snowing, but she could just follow her tracks, there’s no way they had already been covered.

She was able to follow her tracks for about 5 minutes, before they disappeared.

Fuck. FUCK. Ok, this was fine, just, uh, she remembered reading something on one of her survivalist websites about following the stars? Like monsters used to do before the days of cars and GPS. The one that pointed east was … Capricorn? She thinks? Or was it Leo? One of the two. But was that dependent on the season? Shit it didn't matter, she would just pick one and follow it.

It had been hours. She had no fucking clue what either constellation looked like so she just picked the one that maybe kinda vaguely looked like a lion. And it was hard to see anything though the clouds, the falling snow that had only seemed to increase in density. She couldn't feel her hands anymore, no matter how much she tried to warm them up with her breath, and her legs felt like rubber from trudging in the snow. She was exhausted, she was fucking terrified, but she would not scream for help. She would not give her mother the satisfaction of sending out the cops, scouring the woods only to find her idiot daughter who had gotten lost on Christmas night after running away from home. She would hold this over her head for the rest of her life. And there was no fucking way she was letting that happen. Dess tried to grab the lighter from her pocket, maybe holding the flame to her hands could help warm them up. But her fingers were numb and the moment she took it out, it fell into the snow.

That was it, she couldn't hold it in anymore, she began to weep, tears falling into the snow, she collapsed onto her knees, holding her head in her hands as her sobs echoed around the empty woods.

More time had passed, she couldn't feel her feet now, or her hands, or her face. The tears that ran down her face had frozen in place. But she wouldn't let this be the end. She kept walking. She had managed to get her lighter back, after dropping it a few more times. Her fingers were too frozen to flick it on, but its presence alone was a comfort. She had to get back, even with everything, she had people she cared about, people who cared about her, this was not going to be how December Holiday died.

Something came into view in the distance, shelter, literally, the shelter or bunker or whatever it was at the south side of town. She had tried to break into it with Asriel a few times, but the doors always remained shut, even that one time she used a crowbar.

But now, its doors were wide open, and the faint glow of warmth came from inside.

She knew it was stupid, walking into an abandoned building in the middle of the night, especially when she knew where she was now. Home was only a little ways away, but she felt sick, she felt like she was dying. She needed to get warm now or she was legitimately concerned she might die. She stumbled her way through the double doors, barely able to keep herself standing up, her legs barely responding to her commands to keep moving! But eventually she made it, her boots making contact with the concrete floor. In front of her, stairs descended endlessly. And far at the bottom, a promise of warmth, a fire glowed shades of pink and yellow. She limped forward, reaching the first step. She felt her body give way, falling down flights of steep steps, impact after impact causing her bones to crack and her skin to tear.

Behind her, the sound of doors slamming closed. 

Chapter Text

Dess woke up, she must’ve been unconscious, who knows for how long. But pain in her head, her arms, her legs, everywhere really, had forced her awake. The floor was cold, there was no warmth, that was a lie. The “fire” at the bottom of the stairs must’ve disappeared sometime while she was out. The last thing she remembered was the sound of the bunker doors slamming closed, the noise had echoed all around, wherever she was.

It was too dark to see anything, there was no source of light to give even the outline of the room she was in. It was like the darkness spread forever, a room endlessly expanding into the night.

The fall had not been kind to her, she had definitely broken something, or possibly many things, and she felt blood sticking to her fur. She just wanted to rest, while there was no warmth in this place, at least there was no wind biting her to her core anymore. She considered it for a moment, the darkness that surrounded her almost felt like a comforting blanket, but no, she couldn't stay here, she thought of Noelle, she thought of Asriel. She needed to go home.

Dess attempted to stand up, her body heavy from exhaustion. She tried pushing herself up with her right arm, only for pain to surge through her hand, causing her to collapse again. Ok, fuck, it was very broken, she tried with the other, and while there was still pain, it was minimal enough that she could put some weight on it. Her legs were next, they already hurt plenty, the left one especially seemed to be nothing more than dead weight at the moment. That was fine, she would fucking hop up the stairs if she had to. She put all her weight on the right, thankfully it seemed to still be well enough to support her.

She was standing, awesome, she could do this, she could make it out of here. She had to. She reached her arms out, trying desperately to find anything to hold on to, anything to ground herself, to prove to her she wasn't just in some endless void. Slowly, she moved, dragging her dead leg behind her. Every step was pain, but it was something she could ignore, something she could deal with when she made it out of this godforsaken bunker. Eventually, she made contact with a wall. Cold, solid, but it was something she could follow until she found the stairs again. 

How fucking long was this wall? How big was this room? Yes, she was moving slowly but it felt like she had been following the wall for hours. At this point she probably could've done a lap of the entirety of Hometown, even in her condition. The wall seemed to stretch endlessly, with no interruption. But it wasn't like she could turn around now, lose all her progress, if any progress was even being made. She was so tired though, for someone who cared so much about survivalism, she had never really worked out much. Plus all the cigarettes she smoked probably gave her some kind of asthma … if not worse. Her breathing had turned ragged, the leg carrying her weight throbbed in anguish. She needed a break, just a small one, she swore.

Dess fell with her back against the wall, the landing hit a little hard, but it wasn't like everything else didn't already hurt.

What the fuck was happening? How was any of this real? The fire, the doors being closed. Had someone set her up? Was she trapped here? Was she going to die here?!

No, no, it was just, the cold was making her see things, the fire couldn't have been real, she had read about snow blindness on one of her websites, maybe it made people hallucinate too. And the doors, they had always been rusty, and it had been so windy. They must’ve blown them open, and then blown them closed. It was all just coincidence, and the room, of course it was large! It must’ve been some nuclear bunker, meant for the whole town, she must’ve just found some really really long hallway. It was ok, obviously she was going deeper, so if she turned around, she could find her way back, open the doors, and go home. Maybe at this point she could lower herself to asking for some help, when she got out. Which she would.

God she needed a smoke.

…

SMOKES!

CIGARETTES!

IN. HER. POCKET!

Angel be blessed, maybe everything wasn't so bad, her working hand reached into her jacket, finding the pack a little squished, but still intact. She shakily pulled one out, and put it in her mouth. Reaching into her other pocket (this jacket had so many) she let out a sigh of relief when she found her lighter. Her hand was working alright now, and while it wasn't warm in here, the shelter had allowed her to recover enough where she could at least flick the lid open. The satisfying metallic noise echoed around her. She raised it to her mouth, lighting it, the flame sparked to life in front of her, lighting the cigarette, and giving her the faintest view of where she was.

For a second, she thought she saw a face, far in the distance. An impossibly wide smile, with glowing eyes.

But then it was gone.

She could not freak out, she would not freak out. Her mind had already been playing tricks on her tonight (or was it the next day?) and she was not going to start imagining things in here with her.

Anyway, not going to think about that any longer, she looked around more, while taking a satisfying drag of her cigarette, the warmth instantly flooding her body.

To her right, the wall continued endlessly, dark concrete, it looked weathered with time.

In front of her, a floor made of the same stone, illuminated in a circle centered on the flame, until the light was met with darkness.

And to her left…

A staircase.

No not a staircase, the fucking staircase. Blood stained the steps along with tufts of her fur. There was no denying this was the staircase she had fallen down, and if that was the case, how the fuck did she miss it? She had been walking in this direction for hours! Right? Or had she imagined that? She was so fucking confused. She might be concussed.

Doesn't matter, the staircase was here which means she was one step, well a few steps, closer to leaving this awful place. She turned her body, reaching the first step, and pushed herself up the wall. There was no handrailing, which would’ve been helpful so she either had to crawl her way up, or try her other leg. She moved it, pain surging, and placed it on the first step.

Ok, now just … FUCK.

Something cracked, and Dess saw white.

The pain lasted an eternity, she heard ringing in her ears. But eventually, it died down, the darkness returned, and she could hear her ragged breathing.

Ok, crawling it was. She fell forward, her left arm, the good one, taking the brunt of the fall. She took a moment to catch her breath, before making a move.

Her arm reached forward, grasping onto a step ahead of her, and with her right leg, she pushed the rest of her body forward. Success, she had moved forward a few steps, it hurt, but everything hurt now, so she just had to power through it.

She could do this.

The slow movements exhausted her body, and fear strained her mind, knowing that at every moment she was one slip away from tumbling back into the abyss below, a fall she didn't know if she would survive.

It took forever, she didn't trust her own perception of time anymore, but she knew it had been a while. She had taken a number of breaks, and possibly passed out once. But none of that mattered anymore, eventually her arm had reached a level surface, causing her to smile, something she didn't realize she could still do. She pushed herself forward one final time, falling forward onto the floor.

She rolled onto her back, pain be damned, and punched her fist into the air, yelling in celebration.

“DESS! FUCKIN! HOLIDAY!”

Her breathing calmed, but the smile stayed on her face.

She wasn't done yet, she was so close now. She sat up, before grabbing the lighter out of her pocket again. Lighting it, it barely illuminated the dark room around her. She could look around, but there was no need for any of that, because she saw the one thing that mattered, the door.

She stood up, her body shaking with excitement, or anxiety, or pain, or cold, and limped towards it. The red metal it was made of contrasted with the dark concrete that seemed to comprise the rest of the bunker. There was no light coming in from around it, which meant that it must still be nighttime, or that it was sealed shut. It was probably the former, again her sense of time seemed to be really mixed up. Unlike the front, there were no handles on the back side, which meant that she could just push it open! She shoved her body against it and...!

Nothing.

Chapter Text

No

No, no NO NO NO NO NO NO

Absolutely fucking not.

She pushes against the door again-

Nothing.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Maybe the other door? It could be one of those stupid double doors that both say ‘push!’ on them but actually only one of the doors pushes open and the other is like, locked, so it just makes you look like an idiot in front of your family when you go to push the door open and your face ends up squishing against the glass so then you awkwardly scootch over to the other one and push it open but overall the whole thing just makes you look dumb.

It could be like that!

Dess stumbled sideways, and shoved against the other one.

Nothing.

She pulled, hoping maybe she was just misremembering which way the door opened.

Nothing.

“NO!”

She slammed the door with her fist, hoping she could just break it down.

Nothing, no movement, not squeak of hinges, no shudder of metal, no fracture of rust, not even the slightest indication that this was an object that could move, an object that she had seen open.

It was like the “door” was painted on, like it was as solid as the concrete that made up the rest of the bunker.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!”

She slammed both of her fists against the metal door now, punctuating each desperate scream of disbelief.

Her right hand, the already broken one, throbbed in further pain, she wasn't helping her situation at all, but she didn't care. She needed out. She had made it so far, she was so close.

She slammed the doors over and over again, screaming.

“PLEASE, SHIT, JUST OPEN. THE! FUCKING! DOOR!”

No response.

“OPEN! PLEASE! PLEASE!!”

No movement.

Dess ended her plea with a kick to the door, causing her to put weight on her broken leg again. The pain shot through her body, making her collapse backwards.

She was on the floor, the pain blinding her, but she was manic, desperate, she would not give up now. She couldn't.

She crawled forwards, towards the door again, and continued banging her fists against it. She tried to scream through the door, abandoning her previous ego, she didn't care any more. 

“ANYONE, I'M STUCK. HELP ME! PLEASE! I’M HERE! I NEED HELP!”

Her movements were becoming weaker, her cries rambling.

“Please! I'm sorry, I don't know what I did, I don't know what’s going on but, I swear! Just let me out, please just let me out. I’ll fix things, I’ll do right.”

Silence stretched, the beating of her fist quieting to a tap against the door.

“Mom… Dad… anyone…”

She broke down, a dam of emotions she could no longer contain. She was lost, she was hurt, she was trapped in the dark, she missed her family, she had so many regrets.

“Help me … please…” she choked between sobs, leaning against the door, desperate to hear any response.

“I'm scared … I'm so scared…”

For a moment, she thought she could hear something laughing behind her.

Dess had no idea how long she had been laying against the door. She faded in and out of consciousness, the darkness making it difficult to discern what was real and what was dream.

When she woke up this time, she realized she was thirsty, extremely thirsty. She had no idea how long she had been lost, how long she had been in this bunker, but she knew that her body wasn't holding up well, with all her injuries, and without food and water. She hadn't had anything to drink since the Christmas party, and even then she was just stealing her dads booze.

She stood up, her back against the door for support. As soon as she was on her feet, she felt dizzy, nauseous, the darkness seemed to blur around her. She was hungry too, the pain in her stomach reminding her that she was still alive, that's good at least.

She reached into her jacket again, finding the lighter. It felt warm, when everything else in this place was so cold. She lit it, and began looking around the room. This was a survival shelter, at some point, right? They had to have food, water, and hopefully a can opener, right?

In front of her was the staircase, it’s void inviting, and terrifying. She looked away from it as fast as she could. She moved along the wall, the lighter illuminating a few feet in front of her. On the left side of the bunker, facing from the door, were a few rusty shelves, empty. The only thing they held was an old rotary phone, the receiver off its hook and the cable cut.

Further along, near the stairs, a calendar that was about 30 years out of date. Ironically, it was on December. The 25th had been circled several times, a creepy face with a wide grin drawn next to it. She didn't acknowledge how familiar it looked.

Continuing, on the right side of the room, not much to report on, a rusty metal chair missing one of its legs, and a standing mirror. The mirror itself was dusty and cracked, but still functioned well enough.

Dess took a moment to look at herself.

It was hard to recognize all of her features in the dark, but overall she looked … ok. Her eyes were tired, eyebags more pronounced than usual (though Azzy always mentioned that they had been a problem). She had some blood on her face, probably from her hand, and bumping her head.  Her hand looked … bad. You could say mangled, and you wouldn't be wrong, there was a reason she couldn't move it. It was swelling, distorted in colour, and nothing was pointing where it should. Blood, flesh and bone were visible, looking at it for too long made her sick.

Taking a break from that, she painstakingly bent over and pulled her pant leg up, hissing in pain when the fabric made contact with the parts that were swelling. Her leg was also fucked. She had been dragging it along, but the lower bone, near her shin, was visibly snapped, poking into her skin, threatening to pierce through, more bruising and swelling, along with cuts that made blood soak into her pant leg.

The rest of her body had a few scrapes and bruises, one particularly bad gash near her stomach that would need stitches, when she got out, which she would.

That was the room, that was everything. No food, no water, nothing.

And she was not going to venture below again, nothing could make her do that.

She did another lap, making sure she hadn't missed anything, she hadn't.  It took her longer than the first time. Her body felt weak, the dizziness had not gone away but only increased. By the time she made it back to the door, she collapsed.
Fuck the pain, fuck this bunker, fuck everything. She needed to sleep, yeah, she needed to give her body some time to heal, and then she would be ready to plan her escape. She just needed to rest her eyes a little first…

“Dess!”

…

“Dess!”

… she wasn't ready to wake up yet.

“December!”

Dess cracked her eyes open, they felt heavy, dry.

She was still in the bunker, that hadn't been a nightmare.

Suddenly a voice came from outside the bunker doors.

“Dess! It’s me!”

… Azzy?

Dess was brought to life, and began banging on the doors.

“ASRIEL! AZZY! I'M HERE!”

She waited for a response.

“Dess!”

The voice sounded further off now. But it was Asriel, it was him without a doubt. He was looking for her, people must be looking for her.

She banged on the door even louder, her voice was hoarse and scratchy.

“ASRIEL! HELP! I'M HERE! I'M IN THE BUNKER!”

No response came, she could barely hear his voice now, even further off.

“DEss! December!”
The voice was trailing off now, Dess screamed at the top of her lungs.

“AZZY! AZZY, PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE!”

She waited again for a response, but there was nothing.

She wanted to cry, she heaved, she screamed in agony, continuously banging her fist against the door, but no tears would come. 

Chapter Text

More people came looking for her, over the coming days. It seemed like everyone in town was part of the search effort. She heard everyone's voices, her friends, her neighbors, they all screamed her name, and she screamed back, as much as she could, until her voice would break, but no one heard her, and the voices kept coming. There was only one voice missing, her mother, typical. She wouldn't lower herself to that, screaming in the woods, she was a person of “dignity”. Maybe they had too much in common. 

Three voices hurt her the most. 

Asriel, his voice was the most frequent, it seemed like his search was neverending. 

Her dad, he shouldn't be out, with his illness he needed to be resting. Pushing his body like this, hiking through the woods, it would only hurt him more, and it was her fault. 

And finally, Noelle, Elly. She had always been sensitive, always tried to play the peacemaker at home. Her voice was filled with anguish, an honest despair that she couldn't hide. She always tried to fix everything, always tried to play pretend, like nothing was wrong, but she couldn’t bury it down anymore, her grief was explosive. 

“PLEASE! PLEASE DESS, COME HOME!” 

Dess was quiet, her voice had given out hours ago, she whispered hoarsely.

“I'm sorry … I'm so sorry …”

Noelle’s screaming only grew in intensity. 

“DESS, DESS PLEASE WHERE ARE YOU, WE MISS YOU DESS, PLEASE COME BACK! I MISS YOU!” 

Dess used the last of her energy to raise her fist, trying to slam it against the doorframe again, but she could barely move it up, and it fell instantly.

“I’m here Elly … I'm here …” 

Her eyes closed again, her consciousness falling into darkness. 

Dess woke up to pain pulsing around the wound on the side of her stomach. The cut there had opened again. It couldn't scab over without medical attention, and it seemed like every time she moved, it would rip open, growing larger. 

Her hand reached to her side. It came back wet with blood and pus. Infection was settling in. Not good, very much not good. Dess wished she had a first aid kit, she had one in a few of her other jackets, but this one was new, so she hadn't decked it out for apocalypse readiness yet. Even with a basic first aid kit, she didn't know how much it would help. Her outlook was grim. She needed to go to the hospital. 

She knew it had been a few days at least since she had last drank water. The dryness of her mouth, the slowness of her movements, dizziness, losing consciousness, all that was enough to attest to it. 

She also felt so cold, so incredibly cold. She shivered constantly, no matter how much she tried to bury herself into her jacket, the cold remained. It felt like it was taking over every part of her body. She flicked the lid on her lighter, the metal click of it echoing around the room. It was the only thing that brought her comfort. 

For the last several days, this is what she had been doing, flicking her lighter like a prayer, shivering, fading in and out of consciousness, trying to call out to the people searching for her outside. 

Outside, it almost seemed like a foreign concept now. She imagined it like a dream, a false reality away from this nightmare. She missed everyone, she missed everything. She missed watching tv late at night, she missed dates with Asriel, eating some of the worst p”e”zza on the planet. She missed Noelle, awe in her eyes as she watched her big sister play guitar. Hell, she even missed the bad things. She missed arguing with her mom, she missed the worries that seemed small now, getting into college, breaking the news to Azzy that she failed him. She would kill for that now, she wished for anything other than this endless darkness. 

More time passed, she wasn't sure how long now, maybe weeks, that wouldn't make sense, she would surely be dead by now. The voices ebbed and flowed, she assumed they became less frequent at night, so whenever they came back, calling her name, a day had passed, probably. The voices were getting less frequent. Only a few people called for her regularly. The ones that hurt the most. It was quiet now, and she didn't want to dwell on it any further, she hated hurting everyone like this. She tried to distract herself by looking around the room again, the one she had become so familiar with. 

She was beginning to get used to it, the darkness, which was a scary thing. The darkness didn't seem as blinding as before. She could see the faint outline of the objects around her, the shelf, the phone, the chair, the mirror. They were the only parts of her world anymore. The mirror was angled in a way where she could see herself. Slouched against the door, unable to move, she looked bad, she looked like she was dying. 

… maybe she was dying. 

Her eyes had sunken further, looking like nothing more than hollow holes in the dark. Her cheeks had followed suit, her body looked odd. She was never exactly thin, she always had a good amount of meat to her, but now she looked … wrong. Gangly in ways she never had been before, her arms were long and thin, her legs too, long in a way she didn't recognize, a way that didn't look right to her, even her antlers seemed to extend into the darkness. She slouched her jacket off, revealing her torso underneath, covered by a plaid button-up shirt. Her ribs seemed pointed, visible through the fabric, with each rasping breath they rose and fell. She lifted her shirt, her hand trembling, the fingers too, looking too long, too sharp. The wound on her waist had become awful, the infection developing into a deep black necrosis. It was eating away at her, literally, the rot revealing bone and organ. It reached further up her shirt, making its way to her heart, her SOUL. She didn't want to see that, she didn't dare unbutton her shirt, fearing what lay beneath.  

With a pained burst of effort, she threw her jacket back over her shoulders. She was so cold. 

She held the lighter in her hand again, taking it out of her pocket, she lit it. The fire was blinding, hurting her eyes, it burned deep into her skull. She slammed her eyes closed, before squinting them open, just barely, just so she could see the outline of the flame. It shone beautifully, the fire was life, and just below, the engraving. She rubbed her thumb over it, cherishing every letter. It reminded her that there was a world outside this bunker, there were people attached to those voices. And even if she died, their love remained, they remained. They would move on, they would comfort each other. They would be ok.

There were no voices now. People had moved on, Asriel's voice had disappeared first, then her dad, and then Noelle. They were ok, they didn't hurt anymore. It was just the quiet of the bunker, the occasional sound of something moving deep below, that she would not acknowledge, she would not give it that, even if she couldn't deny it now. There was something there. 

Dess was forgetting things. Fading in and out of consciousness, the times of unconsciousness were stretching longer and longer. When she was awake, she tried to not look at herself in the mirror, to notice how skeletal and rotten she had become, she tried to remember, but it was becoming hard. She tried to remember good … holidays. The one’s she loved so much, with the presents and the tree and, her family. She tried to remember their faces. Her dad … had brown hair, but his face, was gone. Her mom, was angry, she had pointed eyebrows, and, and she couldn't remember anything else. She only remembered Noelle. Her sister, her kind face, her buck teeth, her dorky smile. She would not forget Noelle. 

More time had passed, there was no way to tell how long. Weeks? Months? If someone told her years, she might believe them. She watched her body rot away in the mirror, becoming withered, hollow, wrong. Dess’ breathing had become shallow and wheezing. Her lungs weren't working right, they weren't taking enough air in. The darkness felt like it was flooding her lungs, stopping her from breathing. Her memories had become practically nonexistent, she remembered Noelle's face, she remembered Asriel's warmth. But everything else, had succumbed to the same darkness that surrounded her. 

She took one last gasping breath, failing to enter her body, she watched her chest rise and fall, before going still. In her final thoughts, she thought of Azzy, she thought of Noelle. She hoped they were ok, she hoped they could move on, and wouldn't find her body. She hoped they could remember her as she was. 

The darkness took her eyes, and December Holiday died. 

Chapter Text

At the bottom of a small town, a bunker stands defiant despite the dense woods that surround it. Within, dark secrets are held, things better left unseen.

A corpse lays sitting next to a battered door. The door is marred with scratches, dents, and the ghost of cries now unheard. The remnants of a tale of desperate escape.

When a monster dies, their body collapses into ash. This is how you know that their purpose in this world is fulfilled, their SOUL can travel to the afterlife, and watch their loved ones from afar.

This one, did not have the chance to move on, it was forgotten by the world, lost in the place without escape. Even the afterlife could not find it.

A corpse lay forgotten in the darkness, its soul trapped, its mind rotten. It knows nothing, it is not alive.

A cat prances up a long set of stairs, a wide smile covering its face, its eyes manic, yellow and pink.

It is made of the same darkness that surrounds it. Its form is malleable and impossible to define. It seamlessly melds from cat to beast to all encompassing darkness filling the entire room with its presence, and then back to cat again. 

It looks as the corpse, satisfied, climbing onto its lap, and up its chest, it nuzzles at the corpse's cheek.

“Hello, Knight.”

The corpse had no thoughts, it stayed still, its mind was void, its body decayed. Nothing stirred within it, no blood pulsed through its veins. It was as much a part of the bunker as anything else. The darkness no longer surrounded it, it was a part of it.

Something was coming towards it.

There was no response.

Something was climbing up its body.

No response.

Something brushed against its cheek.

… No response.

Something swiped at its face, with sharp claws.

It didn't hurt, but it was annoying. After a moment, the corpse moved, its eyes shifting in its sockets, to look at its assailant.

It was a cat. 

A weird looking cat, it didn't remember cats having such a wide smile, or glowing eyes. 

But it was a cat. 

The cat spoke. 

“Oh good, how nice of you to join us!”

The corpse was confused, it was nothing, why would this cat speak to nothing, wasting its words. Let it continue to sleep. It raised an eyebrow, and looked away again. 

“I bet you may be confused, no worries, NONE AT ALL! I have your best interests in mind. I am your FRIEND!” 

The corpse hung on that word, friend. Friends. It had those at one point, it was something at one point, it held purpose, something it was without now. A vague outline of a white, fuzzy face, and then there was nothing, it was nothing. A chill shuddered through the remnants of its body.

“I know you are lonely, it’s only fair! Lost, alone in the darkness. It’s cruel. Who could do this to you! Someone who is evil, people who are evil.”

Yes, it was lonely, and it was so cold. But it was fine with that, this was better than the other option. Other option? What was it thinking, this was all there was, all there could be. Two faces formed in its mind, but it didn't dare to think of them.

“Things like us, we live in the dark. We are shunned by those in the light! They take and take and take and take and we are left, alone.”

It was glad to hear its plight was shared, the cat was going somewhere with this though, its smile only widening with each repeated word. It was concerning, but the corpse's eyes couldn't help but shift, couldn't help but hear the cat out.

“There are so many of us, lost in the dark, rotting in our prison, flushed away by those who live in the light. The light of this world is EVIL! And a knight fights evil. A knight brings JUSTICE to this world.”

A knight, like from the games the corpse used to play, a hero… It wanted to be a hero, it remembered having people who loved it, the warmth was what kept it alive, unlike now it was cold, oh so cold.

“You are that knight, you can save us! Pierce the earth, let free those who live in darkness! Avenge those who deserve to be seen, deserve to be known!”

The corpse had no purpose, it was an empty shell.

But maybe…

To be a knight, to save people, to fight for those who needed help. It felt good, it almost felt like warmth. It wanted that.

“Knight, you carry a mission greater than any of us, you will feel hurt at times, but it is nothing compared to the weight of the dark, the terror of being forgotten.”

Yes, that could be its purpose now, a knight, it could fill the void within itself, it could own it. Become an entity of darkness who would end light, bring forth a new world for those who deserved it, those who lived in the dark. The corpse had always been an underdog, it would become a hero for the downtrodden.  

“I know you are the one who can save us, Knight. But there is a problem.”

The Knight turned its whole head now, slowly. It was curious to know what was wrong. What could it fix?

“There are those who would try to stop you, those who want our people kept in darkness. Every knight has foes, every knight must battle for what is right.”

The cat was touching foreheads with the knight now, staring deep into its hollow eyes.

“Every knight, needs a weapon.”

As if on queue, the door next to the knight slowly opened, squeaking on its hinge, moonlight flooded into the abandoned bunker, causing the cat to retreat into darkness.

“Fetch your weapon, Knight. Your first battle awaits you. And I look forward to your return.”

The Knight looked to the door, open. It felt like it should feel something, this opening, this gateway into the outside world should bring forward some sort of emotion, but it felt nothing at all.

It rose, slowly, bones cracking with atrophy. At its full height, it stood tall over the cat, too tall, casting a long shadow into the darkness.

The Knight turned, where before there was pain, there was now nothing. It exited the bunker, called to its weapon, a beacon in its mind. 

Even at night, the world felt too bright. The light reflecting off the moon, illuminating the trees around it made the Knight squint with discomfort. A smile spread on the Knight’s face, though it wasn't sure why. 

Noelle hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages. When she was younger, she used to be able to rely on her family when she had nightmares, go to her parents room and curl up between them, or more commonly … Dess.

But now, for the last several years, there had been an unspoken expectation of self-reliance. She was their only daughter, their only child. And with her father’s health getting worse, with Dess being … missing (or worse), she had to be perfect. So on nights like this, where nightmares seemed to plague her every time she closed her eyes and sleep became an impossibility, she was on her own, huddled in her dark room, alone.

It didn't help that the house was empty. Her dad had been in the hospital for a few months now, and her mom had another late night at work, doing… who knows what. “Preparing for the festival” was an excuse she was using a lot recently. How there was so much work to do setting up a festival for a small town like this, she had no idea. She knew what it really was, her mom didn't want to sit in this big house that felt empty with so many people missing. She needed to be busy so she didn't have to feel her own sadness, so she didn't have to feel any regret, any guilt.

Noelle understood all her reasons, it’s not like she didn't look for her own distractions, burying herself in her studies, even hanging out with Berdly so her mind would be quieted by his numbing rambles. She just wished it didn't have to be this way. They were still a family, they could make it through this together if they just, talked to each other, were there for one another. But it had been years, and the Holidays seemed to have only grown further apart.

*Thunk*

A noise from downstairs brought her out of her train of thought. It sounded like someone beginning to climb the stairs, but she knew the sounds of her mothers hoofsteps, and it was much too heavy, much too slow.

*Thunk*

The noise came again, closer now, it must be on the next step.

Noelle was terrified, but if someone had broken into her home, and her mother knew that she had just cowered in fear the entire time, that scared her more.

She moved to the door, and opened it slightly, just a crack, just enough to see the staircase.

*Thunk*

Whatever it was, climbed another step.

She could see the vague outline of a head, something with long messy hair, and massive pointed horns that split off into three sharp ends. She did not recognize this person, until…

*Thunk*

With another step, she could see more of it, more of her.

Red flannel, green camouflage, the same shirt and jacket that Dess had been wearing on the night she disappeared, but the rest of her, the rest of the monster that rose in the darkness. That could not be her, that could not be her sister.

It was like Dess had been taken and stretched, she was too long and too thin, her bones were jagged and pointed, and she looked, dead. She was dead. Her ribs were visible and her organs rotten beneath, her eyes did not glow with life but were glazed over and grey with decay. She was not breathing, other than the noise of her climbing the stairs she was silent, not the loud rambunctious girl she remembered. This was not Dess, this was a nightmare. 

She closed the door as quietly as she could, she must be asleep and this was some horrid nightmare. It wasn't like she hadn't had similar nightmares in the past; this one just felt, too real. She grabbed the chair from her desk and brought it over to the door as quietly as she could, barricading it. She silently chastised her mom for not having locks on their doors, though she feared it wouldn't help much anyway. She pulled herself under her bed, putting her hand over her mouth, silently praying that she hadn't made any noise.

She listened as the creature continued its way up the stairs, as it moved past her door, she let out a held breath of air through her teeth. Finally, it turned, opening the door and going into … her sister's room. She could hear as it continued to move, slamming open the closet door, and then slamming it closed. It stayed still for a moment, before repeating its steps, out of the room, through the hallway, down the stairs, she waited until she heard the distant slam of their front door. 

Around this point, Noelle would usually wake from her nightmare, awoken by the noise of her mother getting ready early in the morning, obsessively vacuuming a house which was already spotless. Or, if she was able to sleep through that, the sun filtering in through a crack in her curtains. But now, no matter how many times she forced her eyes open, or pinched herself awake, she was still under her bed, she was still terrified.

The Knight held a bat in its hand. Dragging behind it, it turned up rocks and dirt in the grass. Its weapon had been obvious, the same one it had carried with it in life. It remembered very little from back then, only what it kept hidden away: two faces, and what the darkness granted it: a bat. It found itself back in front of the bunker; both doors were open, an inviting offering. The Knight moved forward, surrounding itself in darkness. It felt at home, it felt like armour that protected it from the outside world, from the enemies that would stand in the way of its mission. 

The sun was just on the cusp of rising, the light already burning at its senses. It turned to the opening, before slamming the doors closed behind it. The darkness was all around it now, a blanket of midnight in the absence of warmth. It rose like smoke from deep underground the bunker. This was not just the darkness of an enclosed room, it was a darkness more pure, something that leaked from a world which had no light. The bubbling shade caused the form of the Knight to grow fuzzy, difficult to define, until it hardened into something else entirely. What were jagged shoulders, rotten to the bone, instead became pauldrons, defending against the threat of the enemy. What was a mop of dirty hair, tangled and matted from years of neglect, became a helmet, pointed and anonymous. The old wooden bat became a fearsome sword, fused together with the thin length of the Knight’s arm.

In the darkness, a cat watched this transformation, its eyes knowing, filled with excitement for what would come next, its smile was wide. The Knight turned to face it, flashing its sword in a brilliant swoop. It attempted to smile back. A white void on its face, what could be a helmet's visor, shifted constantly. Eventually. It curved upwards at the ends, forming a long thin smile, and a deep roaring laugh erupted from within it. It was ready, it was going to save the world, it was going to save everyone.

Chapter Text

It was all falling apart. The Knight had been fighting tirelessly for a better future, a better world. But at every opportunity, its efforts had been thwarted. Some group of “lightners” as they liked to call themselves were always trailing behind it, undoing all the work that the Knight had put its blood, sweat and tears into.

… if it still had any of those things.

Every new world it formed, every dark fountain it sprung from the earth, had been shut down mere hours after it had been created, forcing countless lives to rot in darkness forever. It was cruel, giving them a brief moment of life, whole worlds would spring forward only to be shuddered into endless darkness. Giving them a taste of the life the lightners greedily kept for themselves. How many people, how many tales and stories and lives had these lightners condemned to darkness, it was countless.

The real cruelty was how the lightners acted before destroying these worlds. They would go out of their way to talk with everyone! Not bothering to fight anyone but acting as kind and sweet as possible, forming friendships and solving problems, only to throw them all back into the void when they were done playing with their toys.

Their actions were monstrous, they were evil.

The Knight's friend was right, something needed to be done. The lightners would not take up arms … but the Knight had a sword for a reason. But every time it fought them, in the TV world or the church or beyond. They just barely escaped the Knight’s grasp, managing to flee back to their world of burning light where the Knight could not follow.

And now, the group had gone a step further, they were attacking its home. The lightners had entered the bunker, gone deep below into the dark abyss, some desperate attempt to shut down the darkness that allowed the Knight to live, the same darkness that gave its hollow shell purpose and protection. But they were fools, it had trapped them. They had entered the Knight’s territory.

And it had the home field advantage. 

It watched from the darkness as the party became more and more disorientated in the endless darkness. The Knight was planning to let them wander aimlessly until they starved, went mad, or gave up hope. And even then, the exit was well hidden, not something you could just find. Usually there were three of them, but today there was another.

They were wearing a white robe, with their hood pulled up. They were shivering in the cold, as were the rest of them. It was a feeling the Knight had forgotten years ago. I guess this place was cold, but it always felt cold.

The brash purple one spoke up first.

“Kris! I feel like we’ve been wandering for ages. Do you have any idea where we’re going?”

This human “Kris” seemed to be the leader of the group. They merely nodded their head towards the purple one, before continuing onwards, the rest of the party following suit.

“Alright … I just feel like we’ve been at this for hours! We’ve gotta get somewhere eventually… right?”

The small goat, wearing a green robe, spoke up next.

“I’m sure Kris knows what they're doing, Susie. We all just need to stick together! We’ve almost seen this through…” 

The lizard “Susie” responded

“AAAAGH, I guess … it’s just the nothing that bothers me. What’s the point of a dark world if nobody’s even in it!?”

The Knight felt rage grow within it at this comment. It was good there was no one here, no one for them to kill, no one for them to condemn to darkness. The cat was around here somewhere, but it came and went as it liked. Although the Knight wasn't really sure where it went.

The fourth one, the new one, spoke up.

“It is quite scary, I'm just, glad you all are safe. Please don't go running off like that again! This place always creeped me out as a kid …”

The lizard responded again.

“Im sorry for dragging you here and uh, interrupting our studying. But it’s not like we couldn't check it out when we heard the doors were open! This place is definitely related to the dark fountains in some way … but it’s always been sealed shut!”

The little goat interrupted again.

“Wait the doors were just, open? And you all walked in? How do we know this isn't a trap?”

The lizard gave him a questioning look.

“Duh, we don't. But if something tries to mess with any of us, I'll let them speak to my axe.”

The lizard ended this sentence by swinging her axe around and giving a big toothy smile. The goat sighed with frustration.

“Ah, so this is one of Susie's ideas … I see. Kris, maybe we should’ve planned this at Castle Town before rushing in? It’s not too late for-”

The new member interrupted with a yell.

“I THINK SUSIE HAS GREAT IDEAS!!!!!”

The goat looked at her confused, before the lizard gave a roaring laugh in response.

“You see!? Someone understands my genius! Thank you, Noelle!”

…

No

That name

IT COULDN'T BE

The Knight dashed out of the darkness, swinging its sword to the side, slicing into the three lightners as it sped by, downing them instantly. It grabbed the last one, the new one, the girl, by the collar, raising her into the air.

Its sword disappeared back into void, and with a trembling clawed hand, it reached for the lightner’s hood, pulling it back.

It revealed a face the Knight never wanted to see again. Something that it wanted to keep in memory, something it hoped it would never have to face in reality again. One of the two things it dared to hold on to from its former life. Every memory of her burned like fire, but it was a pain that was worth it. To remember the face of its sister, to remember her laugh and kindness, her relentless positivity in the face of a cruel world. How she would always burn her mouth on hot cocoa, but then act like everything was fine, even though she always made the same pained face. She was one of the only good things the Knight had to hold onto in the darkness, and now she was here, working with the enemy. She looked scared, why did she look scared?

The Knight wanted to speak. It didn't even know if it could speak, but it tried anyway.  For the first time in years, a noise rose from its throat, raspy and broken from years without use. It came out as something barely more than a whisper, a fragment of what the Knight once was, clinging to survival, clinging to humanity.

”No…e…lle?”

The girl screamed, and threw something from her pocket. It was a dust that carried in the air, landing on the rest of the lightners. In a moment they were up again, and the lizard, who had always been the most annoying of the group, ran at the knight with her axe raised.

“LET! HER! GO!”

Everything was moving too quickly, and the Knight, who was usually quick on its feet, was in shock. It took the full brunt of the hit, causing it to drop Noelle.

The lizard caught her before she could hit the ground.

“It’s ok Noelle! Get back with the others!”

At this point the rest of the party had gathered. They stood in a line, ready for battle.

The hit had shaken the Knight out of its stupor. It didn't know what was going on, but it knew that it needed to save its sister. The Knight drew its sword, and swung, at everyone but Noelle.

The hit missed most of them, the group had grown aware of the Knight’s attacks at this point, but it still managed to nick the human on their side. 

The Knight roared in frustration, its ribs splitting open like a mouth, it would not let these people take its sister.

It rushed forward, towards Noelle, but the human stepped in front, raising their shield. The Knight crashed into them. Kris’ shield slammed back into their head, leaving a gash, but they were able to shove the night off, causing it to slam into the floor with a hollow crack. 

The lizard took advantage of the chaos, raising her axe, aiming for the Knights head. She was out for blood. The Knight dashed out of the way, but wasn't quick enough, the slash cut away part of its pauldron, revealing rotten flesh below. 

The Knight flew backwards, a hand over its wound, bleeding dark viscous fluid. Still, it shook off the discomfort, and readied itself to strike again. 

Noelle had been watching from behind this entire time. The goat monster, Ralsei, went to Kris’ side to patch them up. Susie was matching the Knight, preparing her next attack, the Knight looked injured, like it might not survive this, like they could end it all, here and now. 

But something wasn't sitting right with Noelle. It knew her name, how could it possibly know her name? It spoke in such a broken whisper, it didn't sound like anyone she recognized, but it sounded hurt, it sounded confused. 

She took a closer look at the Knight. It was skeletal, unsettling. It hovered, but its thin arms and legs twitched relentlessly, like a bug that had been squished, but was clinging to life. Its face shifted constantly, from a visor to an eye to a teeth-filled maw. It had no midsection to speak of, the upper half of its body being supported by a spine that twisted and cracked when it moved. It had holes in its hands, where it seemed to be able to summon its weapon from. There were things that felt familiar, but she couldn't tell from where. 

Its pointed antlers didn't look like any she had seen on a deer monster before, they were long and sharp and branched off in odd shapes, more like the branches of a dead tree, splitting into sharp thin points. Its limbs were long and frail, but ended in pointed claws. She had seen these features before, somewhere, in a nightmare. 

A few months back, a horrible dream, one that felt too real. One that made her hide under her bed until the sun rose, she almost passed out at school the next day from a lack of sleep.

It had been her sister, a horrifying version, but still her sister. She looked at the Knight's face, making contact with a hollow white eye. It looked sad, it looked tired.

Kris attacked first this time, taking advantage of the Knights distraction. Susie gave them a boost, and they launched themselves into the air, sword pointed right at the Knight's helmet.

It connected, fracturing off a small part of the helmet. Beneath, dark brown hair. 

Noelle screamed. 

“DESS!”

Everyone turned to Noelle, confusion on their faces. Noelle reached her hand out, begging for understanding. 

“PLEASE, STOP!” 

She didn't know what she was doing, she didn't know what was happening, but one moment she was looking to her friends, her sister, trying to stop the fighting. 

And the next, there was a blizzard. 

The Knight was blinded, it didn't know what was up and what was down. Everywhere it looked was white, it was too bright, and the cold, the freezing cold felt … new. 

It was almost a relief, after feeling nothing for so long, feeling its limbs tense up, the crystal-like icicles form around it, until it couldn't move at all, it felt nice. 

As the cold surrounded it, it slowly descended as it became heavier. Its feet touching the ground, it collapsed onto its knees. It had failed, the world was a cruel place, it could not save anyone, not even its sister. But at least now the Knight could finally rest. 

It looked up one last time with the last of its energy, in the distance, somehow, in the blinding light, it saw the cat. It was staring, disappointed. For the first time, it wasn't smiling. It frowned, slightly, before turning away and walking into the cloud of snow. 

When it disappeared, a dark fountain was revealed. 

The Knight’s consciousness faded, until there was nothing but snow. It hoped Noelle was safe.

“Is everyone ok?!”

Susie called, the blizzard that appeared out of nowhere seemed to be calming down, no longer a blinding storm but now a gentle snowfall. Kris and Ralsei shuffled to their feet, seemingly fine, the blast was not focused on them.

Behind them, Noelle sat with her head in her hands, she was curled up into a ball, her eyes closed, her body shaking.

Kris looked at Susie, nodding their head towards the reindeer. She approached cautiously, her hands raised, as if approaching a wild animal.

“Hey! Noelle, you ok?”

The girl did not respond.

“That spell, or whatever it was, was really awesome, I think we totally kicked it’s butt!”

Still, the girl was quiet. Susie reached cautiously for her shoulder.

“It’s uh, alright now, thanks for-”

As soon as contact was made, Noelle turned to face her, her eyes filled with fear.

“Did … did I kill her?”

The lizard looked confused.

“Her? I'm not sure who uh…”

Noelle stood now, placing her arms on Susie’s shoulders. Her voice raised in intensity.

“DESS, THE KNIGHT! IS SHE DEAD, PLEASE TELL ME I DIDN'T KILL HER!!”

Susie turned to where the Knight was kneeling. It was frozen, it was not moving, and the white void that moved around its face was gone.

“Umm, I'm not sure?”

Noelle let go of Susie, and ran towards her sister. Kneeling down in front of Dess, she hugged her as tight as she could.

She was cold, not just from her blizzard, but a cold that was deeper, a cold that emanated from her body, telling her exactly what she feared.

The Knight was not alive, her sister was not alive.

She screamed, sobbing, holding her tighter, trying desperately to warm her up. It did not matter, it was worthless. She was worthless. Her sister had been alive, just moments ago, the sister that had been missing for years, leaving a void in her life, and instead of saving her, instead of bringing her home, instead of helping her, she had killed her. Why did she only make things worse?

Susie tried to approach her, to bring any sort of comfort, though she wasn't sure why Noelle was crying over the corpse, but Kris stopped her, shaking their head.

“She needs time, let’s close the fountain.”

Susie looked at them, confused.

“What? Where even-”

Expecting her question, Kris turned, pointing behind the group, where the dark fountain rose out of void, pulsing with energy.

Susie looked at the fountain, then Noelle, then Kris, weighing the options.

“Will she be ok? If we just leave her here?”

Kris nodded.

“She’ll return to the light world.” 

Raisei, who had been quiet for all of this, spoke up.

“I’ll try to comfort her as best I can, while you close it. I uh, I hope to see you all again soon, in Castle Town.”

Susie turned to him, flashing a grin, wide despite the situation.

“Duh! Of course! Just because our mission’s over that doesn't mean we're gonna leave you behind! You’re stuck with us!”

The darkner smiled, and blushed at that.

“Thank you Susie, thank you both, for everything.”

Kris nodded, before stepping closer, and hugging Ralsei tightly.

“We’ll see you soon.”

Kris left the hug, before turning back to the fountain. The pair waved their goodbyes and continued onwards.

The moment should’ve felt momentous. They had defeated the enemy, defied the prophecy, and brought an end to the Roaring. But it was impossible to feel good as Noelle's cries echoed in the distance.

When the dark fountain closed, it felt like nothing changed. Kris and Susie found themselves in complete darkness, except now they couldn't even see each other.

They could still hear Noelle's cries though, and they were closer now.

Susie yelled, panicked.

“Kris?! You there?”

Suddenly there was a light, coming from Kris. Susie was shocked.

“Kris? What?? Is that your SOUL?!”

Kris flashed the beam of light in their eyes.

“Flashlight. My phone.”

Susie got a closer look and, oh, yeah, they were definitely not in the dark world. She pulled her phone out as well, turning on her own light.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry!”

The two began to look around the room, and honestly there wasn't much to see. It looked like the remains of a nuclear bunker. A few bunk beds, a kitchen that had no stock, a washroom, a couple filing cabinets.

And then there was Noelle, holding on to a corpse, hugging it as if her life depended on it.

It was hard to see all the details with just the light of the flashlights, but there was no way the person she was holding could be alive.

It had long tangled hair, sunken cheeks and hollow eyes, limbs that seemed almost skeletal. There were patches of rot and decay … where you could see its bones. Living people did not look like that, it was a body, the body of someone that Kris recognized, but Susie did not.

Kris grimaced, turning their flashlight away when they saw the dirty flannel.

Susie naively spoke up, trying to connect dots in her head.

“Is that … the Knight?”

Noelle turned, the first motion she had made since emerging from the dark world. She stared into Susie's light, then looked up to meet her gaze.

Her eyes were red and filled with tears, the pain visible on her face. She choked out a whisper in between sobs, her voice raw with sorrow.

“My … my sister.”

…

…

……

………

Wait

Why was it still alive?

It had failed, it lost, it was killed.

Let it return to nothing.

It felt-

angel, it could feel-

And it HURT.

That wasn’t right, that wasn't something that was supposed to happen to a Knight, or a corpse.

That was something that the living-

It wasn’t living, hadn't it died years ago? Wasn't that the whole point?

No

No no no no

Nonononononononononononononononono

Something had changed.

Something had come to life inside it.

Something remained from-

Then.

What was before. 

Something was trying to move its broken bones and pump blood through its rotten veins.

And it hurt, it hurt so much.

Why was it doing this?

Nothing could be worth it.

Nothing could be worth this pain.

Let it go back to nothing.

…

……

……………

Fuck

It wasn't working.

Something else.

It felt something else.

Wet on its shoulder.

Pressure around its torso.

Noise in its ears.

And the pain in its eyes was, different, burning.

It opened them, and the pain increased tenfold. There was a blinding light.

Something came out of its mouth.

“O..w”

The noise in its ears changed.

“DESS?!?”

Its eyes adjusted.

And it saw her face.

Noelle.

She was smiling.

She looked stupid.

Oh, that, was worth it.

Chapter Text

It wasn't sure what it was anymore.

A corpse? A knight? Something else?

Whatever it used to be…

But it did know that it was having trouble keeping its eyes open.

It felt exhausted, like years without rest were all catching up with it at once. Its body felt numb, heavy, and so, so cold.

Things blurred in and out of existence. The lightners, her sister, a door, and the stars.

It was nice to look at the stars.

It was so different from the darkness it was used to, the darkness it had surrounded itself with for who knows how long.

The stars couldn't be evil, even if they were bright. They felt familiar. They felt like home.

“Dess, please, please please please keep your eyes open, we're almost there!”

Noelle called that name again. It sounded right in her voice.

But to what remained, it stung. Something about the name made it try to remember, try to dig into a history that had been buried, obscured, corrupted.

It was just glad Noelle was okay. Everything else could come later.

The stars were growing blurry, the voices becoming mumbled.

Angel, it was so tired, when had it slept last? Did it even sleep anymore?

It closed its eyes, just to rest. It was finally allowed some rest, wasn't it?

Sorry, Noelle. 

...

It was dreaming.

It hadn't been able to dream in forever, its days and nights were spent awake, rotting, and waiting for what would come next, its next mission, or its death.

But now it was somewhere else, she was someone else.

She was living a memory.

The two of them had climbed up one of the high hills that surrounded Hometown. It was early autumn, the trees had started to turn and jackets were being pulled out of storage. Asriel wasn't the biggest fan of hiking, and it was even harder to get him to follow the run-down trail she was leading them up in the middle of the night.

She had broken into his room (he always kept his window open), woken him up, and insisted that they “had to see the sunrise from the top”.

She always knew how to make him go along with her plans. This time, it was poking him in the face every time he would fall back asleep, and insisting that she would leave him alone after the hike.

Some would consider this a form of torture, she would just call it the consequences of having a girlfriend.

So sure, he was grumbly, half asleep, and had tripped over more than a couple of rocks. But they had made it to the top.

And there it was, the perfect, romantic, lovey-dovey couple’s chair.

“You see, Azzy? A bench! Facing right where the sun will rise!”

Asriel looked exhausted, he had haphazardly thrown on one of the sweaters in his closet, and was still in his boxers. His fluffy white hair was pressed down on one side from where he had been laying in bed.

He stretched, yawned audibly, and spoke.

“No, that’s … facing west. So it’ll be rising behind us…”

He plopped himself down onto the bench, and looked at Dess with tired eyes.

“But we’re here, so might as well get comfortable.”

He smiled wide before patting the wood beside him.

“That’s the spirit!”

Dess practically jumped onto the bench, crashing into Asriel’s side. Thankfully he was a bigger guy, so he could take it. But he still feigned annoyance.

“Aagh!! Careful, careful you’re gonna have both of us rolling down the hill.”

Dess stuck her tongue out at him, squinting her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, some grass on your shirt might do you good! You barely get out of the house anymore!”

She leaned her head into his shoulder, and he responded, wrapping his arm around her.

“Yeah … sorry, Dess. There's just been a lot to get ready for uni.”

Silence was held for a moment too long, before he continued.

“How have you been doing? Getting ready?”

Dess shifted uncomfortably, before laughing.

“Oh y’know, I’m still planning on being undeclared so, there's a lot less stuff to do. Just gonna feel it out when we get there, right? Fahaha…”

The silence was there again. Dess tried to cut through it.

“Anyway, we still got lots of time until then! It’s not until after Christmas! Let's enjoy the rest of the year while we can!”

A chill autumn breeze swept by them, making coloured leaves fly into the air. Asriel cautiously replied.

“Yeah… just let me know when any letters come in. I know you were feeling really good about your entrance exams!”

She was not.

“You might've even done better than me!”

She did not. 

Dess smirked at him, ignoring the anxiety in her gut.

“Pfffft, yeah, you let me know too! I'll basically just follow wherever you end up.”

She nuzzled her head into his neck. 

“You can't get rid of meee… though I doubt they'll let us room together.”

Asriel snorted at the thought. 

“You'll find a way to break in anyway, no peace for poor Asriel.”

Dess moved her head, trying to poke one of her antlers into his cheek. 

“Shut up, you love it.”

Asriel dodged out of the way, making her crash into his lap. She was staring up at him now; he looked back down. 

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

They smiled at each other, and Dess didn't dare move from where she was. She had no idea how long she had left with him, whether or not their paths would split. So she took advantage of every moment they had left together. 

It was easy to stare at him, some would say he wasn't “conventionally attractive”. Chubby and with acne left over from when he was a teen, but those people were stupid, he was handsome in his own right, and maybe she liked the nerdy guy-next-door trope! They had been best friends all their lives, and she had a crush on him ever since she even knew what love was. 

It's not like she had ever loved anyone else, and he was such a fuckin dork that she had to be the one to ask him out in high school. Thank the angel she had found his notebook, filled with doodles of his weird characters and, some, uh, flattering sketches of her. It was embarrassing, it was adorable, it was Asriel. 

She honestly didn't know what he saw in her. December had always been the black sheep of her family, she didn't really have any future goals to speak of, her hobbies were fuckin weird, and looks-wise, well, most of the time you could barely see her under all her army gear, and she could probably try to shower move often…

“What’cha thinking about?”

Asriel interrupted her train of thought; she tried to play it off romantically. 

“You, us, weird stuff. Sexy stuff.”

Asriel turned his face and blushed, the dork. 

“Oh! Ok… Anything you want to tell me?”

Dess smiled wide, enjoying how flustered he was. 

“Nah, better to keep your innocent mind safe.”

Asriel let out a held breath. 

“Aww…”

The two stayed like that for a while, making small talk, cracking jokes, until the sun began to rise. 

“Azzy! It's happening!”

Dess sprang up, sitting backwards on the bench, she watched as the sun peaked over the horizon. 

Asriel turned to watch it with her, they leaned into each other, sitting in a comfortable silence. 

The sun illuminated the clouds, turning them a variety of warm colours, and revealed the town below, still covered by a thick morning fog. 

Asriel spoke. 

“That's … Amazing.”

Dess turned to him, her grin wide.

“Told you! Sleep is overrated!”

She turned back to the scene, and the sun had only become brighter. Maybe it was because they had been sitting in the dark for so long, but it seemed stronger than usual. She could barely see the town through the powerful beams of sunlight. She lifted her hand to cover her eyes, but it was no help. As the sun continued to rise she couldn't even make out the trees around them, everything had become a burning white light. 

It hurt, it hurt her eyes, it hurt her skin, she turned to Asriel, checking to see if he was alright. 

“What's happe-”

He was burned, he was wrong. His fur was gone, what remained was fused together with melted flesh and charred skin, his bones scorched black from the heat of the sun. He turned to meet her terrified gaze, eyes melting out of his head. His bones cracked as he moved, his jaw unhinged, loosely hanging in a wide smile. It spoke with a familiar, friendly voice. 

“Dess, what's wrong?!”

She wanted to scream, she wanted to run, but the sun rose higher, burned brighter. The charred remains of Asriel tilted its head, feigning confusion as it too was swallowed by the light. Dess tried to stand up but her body felt heavy, paralyzed, she couldn't move, the light was all-encompassing now. Finally, it took her vision, until all that was left was a blinding light, and searing pain.