Chapter Text
The aftermath of the whole situation was messy; they eventually found that drunk driver, stumbling and bloodied, a few blocks from the crime scene. He was interrogated thoroughly; he had never heard of ‘Johan Liebert’ but was extremely apologetic to Saff. Lunge asked if he wanted to talk to the driver, but Saff didn’t utter a word to anyone. He struggled to finish out the school year and didn’t attend Lexa’s graduation. He stopped attending the club, and it eventually died in the summer, with the other members rebranding the club and renovating the club room on their own. Saff couldn’t bring himself to do anything, barely eating or sleeping, and Peri was sent to live with her and Saff’s aunt and uncle, still thousands of miles from where Saff was living.
After the incident, when Tenma returned home, Johan had disappeared without a trace; no clothing or a single shred of evidence that he had ever lived there was left behind. Even when searching, they only found his phone wiped and in a dumpster, and with no evidence of him being a journalist, he was impossible to find. Even the photo of him framed on Tenma’s desk disappeared. One day, Tenma showed up at Saff’s apartment. Tenma felt a bit lonely and was aware of Saff’s state, unable to leave someone in need, he didn’t resign the lease on the apartment and bought a house on the south side of the city for him and Saff to live in.
Saff agreed and moved in with Tenma, but was still unable to do anything. He and Tenma seldom talked during meals. Saff stayed in his room all day playing games and wouldn’t talk to anyone. Eventually, a concerned Nina visited the house after Tenma notified her of the situation, bringing a guest with her. They knocked on Saff’s bedroom door. No response.
“Hey, Saff,” Nina knocked loudly, “I brought someone who wants to talk to you, okay? His name is Dr. Reichwein. We want to talk to you, okay?”
“He doesn’t lock his door, that's how I deliver his meals sometimes if he doesn’t come out to eat,” Tenma stated.
Nina slowly opened the door to see Saff sitting in front of his computer, mindlessly playing a game. The room was extremely clean. Tenma tried his best to take care of the boy with what little time he had at home. Reichwein seated himself on Saff’s bed and faced Saff’s desk.
“Saff, right?” Reichwein started, “As you know, I’m Dr. Reichwein. I’m a counselor and psychologist. I was wondering if you would be open to talking about your feelings after the Johan incident.”
Saff’s hands stopped clicking his mouse and pressing his keyboard. He immediately exited his game, took off his headset, and faced Dr. Reichwein. “He did it, didn’t he? That's what I get for making a friend, for opening up to anyone."
“I see, you believe Johan, your dear friend, killed your parents.” Reichwein shot a look at Nina, who slipped him a copy of the case papers. “Saff, Johan didn’t kill your parents; the drunk driver was completely unrelated to Johan.”
“Maybe,” Saff went silent for an uncomfortable amount of time while the others kept exchanging glances. “But he still killed a nurse and a businessman, I can’t believe he’s innocent in my mind.”
“Saff, why didn’t you tell anyone about those incidents?” Reichwein signaled for Nina and Tenma to sit tight before reacting to the information.
“It doesn’t matter now.” Saff grabbed his headset and placed it on his head. “Just leave me alone.”
“Alright, let’s end it here for today.” Reichwein stood up and left his business card on Saff’s desk. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, text, or email me.”
Tenma and Nina exchanged the same glance again; they knew telling the authorities the details of the deaths of that nurse and businessman would be meaningless if they couldn’t prove Johan existed. Tenma sent Nina and Reichwein on their way before shutting the front door and collapsing in front of it. It felt like a dream. It felt like he had known Johan for eternity, but now he didn’t have a shred of evidence to prove he existed.
He should’ve said it when Johan was still around, then maybe, just maybe, the outcome would have been different. How could he call himself an adult if three words were too difficult for him?
I
Love
You.
Those three words would they have made Johan stay? He didn’t care that Johan broke their promise anymore.
I
Love
You.
He had once heard Johan whisper those words in his ear when he thought Tenma was asleep. His breath tickled his ear, and the warmth lingered after Johan had retreated to his room. Those moments seem so far now; he took every single one of those moments for granted. Tenma knew Johan would sneak into his room to watch him sleep, sometimes even lie beside him in the night, and every night it happened, he was filled with this forbidden feeling for a man so much younger than him.
Johan,
I love you.
Was that really all he had to say?
“You miss him, too,” Saff said from behind his barely cracked bedroom door, unable to face Tenma.
“Oh, Saff,” Tenma rubbed the tears from his eyes. “You hungry, bud? You don’t usually talk from your door unless-”
“I guess.”
“I’ll make us dinner-”
Saff walked out of his bedroom, avoiding eye contact with Tenma before heading into the kitchen. He rummaged through the fridge for a little bit before setting out what he felt were ample ingredients. “I know how to make small meals, just ones to survive dorm life.” He turned on the stove and began chopping his vegetables. “Doctor, it should be ready in about 30 minutes. I don’t know if you want to watch your show in the meantime.”
Tenma couldn’t help but smile; he felt like a proud father.
A year had passed since Johan’s disappearance. Saff had gone through yet another school year. He had been seeing Reichwein monthly since then and finally decided to enter the medical field like Tenma. At some point, he came to terms with the fact that Johan didn’t kill his parents, just to bring himself some peace of mind, to try and make friends and trust other people. He and Peri made an effort to video call monthly, even if their relationship had become a bit strained after witnessing the incident. Nina took Dieter and Saff out every weekend so Dieter had someone to learn and talk about games with. Even though he didn’t feel completely steady, he tried to reassure himself that everything was okay.
It was summer break again, and he heard the front door open and shut and excitedly ran out to greet Tenma, who shared that he had found an interesting meat and vegetable combination to try for their dinner that night. But before they got started on dinner, Tenma asked Saff to check their mail. He grabbed the mail key and happily trekked to the mailbox down the street. After the winter semester, Tenma surprised Saff with a new plushie and game in the mail for keeping his grades up. Saff ended the spring semester with good grades again and was excited to see if something was waiting in the mail for him. Sure enough, there was a box in the parcel locker for them.
He skipped home, unable to contain his excitement to open the box. He had his phone in the same hand that the house key was in. When trying to fidget to hold the box and open the door, he dropped his phone. The Player One keychain jingled to notify him that it had fallen behind him, onto the porch. He whipped around to pick up the keychain only to find a very familiar figure standing in front of him, handing him his phone.
The figure had a phone in his hand as well, a different phone than he knew, but there was a Player Two keychain adorned on the new case. He froze in place, trying to deny what he was seeing. His eyes slowly panned upward to meet a familiar face, a beautiful one at that. A face he was trying to forget, but still lived in the back of his mind freely. A face bearing no expression, no trace of happiness or sadness, but his outfit, everything about him was almost the same as when he left.
Where did you go? Why did you leave if you didn’t do it? Why anything at all? He wanted to ask everything, but in the end, all he could do was leap at Johan, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and letting out over a year of unchecked sadness and longing burst from his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Johan bent over a bit to meet Saff’s height better, but he did not return the embrace. He looked right past Saff to a front door swinging open.
Tenma’s jaw dropped, his eyes widened, he couldn’t utter a word, but his expression was everything. “Johan.”
They ushered Johan inside, Saff bringing the package in with him. Tenma and Saff prepared dinner as Johan stared out of the window, motionless. Tenma pulled up a chair next to Johan and seated himself, serving Johan a plate as well. Saff ate quickly and tried to ask Johan a few questions.
“Where did you go?” He started with.
“A place far away that you would never think to look for me,” Johan replied.
“Where is that?”
“If I tell you, you’ll look for me there next time.”
“What do you mean by next time? Why did you leave if you didn’t do it?” Saff wanted to keep pressing, but Tenma tapped his shoulder to signal him to stop. “Sorry… Can you stay this time?”
“If the Doctor allows me to.”
“Saff,” Tenma interjected, “I need to talk to him for a bit, open your present in your room, and let me know how you like it, okay?”
Saff almost forgot about his package. He nodded, then retreated to his room, shutting the door behind him and ripping the package open promptly. It was the newest release of Animal Walking, a cute game about creating your own island with critter neighbors. He was so excited, Tenma could hear him through the door, gushing about it.
“You’ve taken good care of him, Doctor.” Johan’s expression slowly dropped to a solemn one, one filled with regret and painted in sadness. “Did you miss me, or rather, did you forget about me and try to use him as a replacement? I guess you already know I lied about keeping our promise. I didn’t kill his parents, but I still lied. Should I have stayed with you then, should I be with you now?”
Instead of answering, Tenma sealed Johan’s mouth with his own. After a few seconds of holding Johan close to him, he slowly let Johan reseat himself. “I love you, I should’ve told you then, but I need to tell you now.”
“Doctor…” Johan’s lips were once again trapped by Tenma’s. Over and over again, their lips met with a few breaths between each meeting. Johan’s longing and despair were slowly being replaced with happiness; the man he loved returned his feelings in full force. Again, again, again.
“Never, I would never replace you, I’d never forget you, not a day went by that I wasn’t worried about you. Thoughts racked my mind that you had done something rash that you couldn’t take back, and the last time I saw you, my last words to you were just fleeting moments.”
Very few knew about Johan’s broken promise, and those few people didn’t utter a word to the relevant authorities about it. This time, they believed, he would keep that promise dear to his heart. He had everything he wanted and more. He wasn’t known for being an honest, upstanding citizen, but Tenma made a bit of an effort to return Johan’s tendency to watch over him. Johan had to share his location with Tenma at all times, but Saff asked to share his too, like the three of them were a family, to avoid feeling left out.
Two months had passed, and Johan woke up next to Tenma; his alarm was about to go off. He shook Tenma awake, who groggily asked why Johan was waking him up on his day off. “Doctor, it’s Tuesday, it’s almost 5-”
“Oh, shoot!” Tenma jolted out of bed and quickly got ready. He made a small breakfast for himself, Johan, and Saff before heading to work.
Saff woke up several hours after and got ready; he had four tickets to a movie that day. He walked out to the kitchen and saw Johan reheating his place. Nina was already inside, waiting with Dieter, who was looking through Saff’s game collection. Saff said if there was time after the movie, he’d be happy to play the Mareo Function game with him, Nina, and Johan. While reheating Saff’s plate, Johan’s phone let out a small *ding*. He looked down. Tenma had put the new frame on his office desk.
A photo of him and Johan together, the frame was engraved with I Love You.