Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Welcome to my first story on AO3. I first posted this on Fanfiction.net more than a year ago but since I've been on this site more often lately, I thought I'd expand. Please enjoy.

Joker-

“Well, what do we have here?” Gotham’s Clown Prince of Crime said, poking at the strange object in the gutter with his toe. It had been looking like a night of wasted potential until he came upon this little beauty.
“I don’t know, boss,” mumbled a thug in white grease paint. “Looks like a skeleton in a boa to me.” He looked more like a mime than a clown but Joker was okay with that. He didn’t have them around for the conversation anyway, as proven by the stunning insight of the comment.
“Yes, I see that,” Joker snapped with his ever present grin, “and with an afro. Oh, I love it.” He laughed loudly, excited by the possibilities. “Bring it with us; it can be a party decoration.” He spied a pink guitar nearby. “Grab that, too; it looks festive.” He left the details to his men, chuckling to himself. He never even considered why the skeleton was lying in the ditch, half covered in dirty water. They’d have to dry the thing out, of course. But oh the fun he could have with it. He could scare Batman with it, or better yet one of those brats that was always hanging around the caped crusader. Maybe, when he got bored of the thing, he could tie it to the Batmobile’s hood. That would be worth a laugh.
Joker’s current two thugs exchanged a look but knew better than to question their boss; it was better for their health. They picked up the skeleton and carried it, dripping ditch water, all the way to the Joker’s lair, this time a burned out theater. Batman had trashed their last pad, from a simple misunderstanding about the health benefits of laughter for Gotham’s elite. They were still settling in, since they had only moved a few days ago. It would take some time to reach Joker’s standards.
Once inside, Joker rushed about trying to figure out the best place for his newest acquisition. “Here?” he said, holding his thumb out to measure a recess. “No, over here; or maybe over here?” It took a few circuits around the room before he finally decided. “I know, hang it from the chandelier, boys!” He laughed as he imagined how it would look. Batman would love it. “It’ll be perfect.”
“How do we do that, boss?” one of henchmen asked, confused.
“I don’t care how you do it, you oafs. Just get it up there,” Joker snarled, his smile still in place, “or else. Oh and dry it out first. It smells like dirty ditch water.”
The two thugs stared up at the chandelier high above their heads for several moments. They exchanged a look of bewilderment. It wasn’t like they were hired for their problem solving skills. Finally one of them, they looked the same with the thick grease paint and similar build (Joker liked the symmetry), went to grab a ladder and rope while the other grabbed a hair dryer to start drying the thing.
Joker left them to it and walked into the back of the stage where he had set up his personal stuff. “I have to do all the thinking around here, it’s exhausting.” He slumped in a chair before a traditional actor’s vanity, though most of the bulbs around the edge of the mirror were blown or broken. He looked at the picture of stuck in the frame. It was from a newspaper clipping of one of his jewelry heists and showed him and Harley Quinn decked out in stolen gold chains and diamond necklaces. They had posed for the newspaper man before a running off for a thrilling chase with Batman. They got away, too. “Maybe I should see about convincing Harley to come back.” Though if he did that, he’d have to steal the hyenas back from the zoo for her. That would be a huge hassle.
Suddenly, Joker heard a girlish scream come from the front of the theater, and he stormed out of his room in a rage. “What now, you fools?” he shouted. “Why can’t I find any good help?” he mumbled to himself.
The thugs ran and hid behind their boss as soon as they saw him and pointed with shaking fingers at the skeleton which had sat up and was looking around.
“We was just drying it, boss,” one of the thugs whispered. “Then, when it was about dry it started movin’.”Joker’s jaw dropped, even he was speechless. The skeleton, however, was not.
“Oh my brain hurts,” it said holding a bony hand to its afro. It turned and looked at the slack jawed clown and his cowering henchmen. The skull opened its mouth in a toothy grin, “Oh but I don’t have a brain. Yohohoho. Skull Joke!”
“What in blue blazes are you?” Joker said, finally regaining his composure. He walked forward and bravely shook a finger at the skeleton. “I’ll have you know I’m the only jokester around here.”
“I see, well I am merely a humble musician and a pirate. Though I do have my moments of hilarity, yohohoho,” the skeleton said. He stood up and ran bony fingers over his pants and jacket, trying to smooth them back into order. He turned and took a deep bow. “My name is Soul King Brook, of the Strawhat pirates.”
Joker’s eyebrows twitched. “I’m the Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime,” he offered. No need to ignore his manners, after all. “Did you say pirates?”
“Indeed, and my heart swells with pride with the title,” Brook said, tilting his head to give an impression of a wink (quite a feat without eyelids, or eyes). “Though I have no heart! Yohohoho!” He laughed honestly, holding nothing back. He leaned on a cane (that Joker didn’t remember him having), as he took in his surroundings. “Quite a nice place you have here.”
Joker decided he quite liked this strange fellow. Anyone with a sense of humor that morbid can’t be all bad. He sat down in one of the few upright chairs in the theater and grinned at his new guest.
“I think I like you, Brook. So tell me, how did you become…” he gestured at Brook’s condition with one hand, “dearly departed?”
“Well that is a story,” Brook said, picking up the pink, shark-shaped guitar, clearly it was his originally. It fit his strange ensemble. “A wonderful and long tale full of longer than lifelong friends and tragedy to make even a clown like yourself cry.” He started to strum a few bars and quirked his head to the side, waiting for a reaction from Joker.
“I’d love to hear it,” Joker said settling back and waving for his men to do likewise. They sat, gingerly, still keeping their boss between them and Brook.
Brook nodded happily and picked up the pace on his guitar. “Our story truly began with a baby whale and a song.”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Joker jumped to his feet, shouting. “Something about this is wrong.” He pointed at his minions. “What is wrong with this picture?”
“I don’t know, Boss,” the man answered with a timid shrug.
Joker ran a hand over his face in annoyance. There was something missing. If he was putting on the show, what would he need? “I have it!” he shouted. “An audience is what we need. Can’t tell an epic story without an audience, you know.”
Brook stilled his music with one gaunt hand. “I must agree, of course but where would we find one? I am a stranger to this place. In fact I was wandering, lost, when I slipped and fell into a ditch. Can you believe it? The water zapped my strength and I must have blacked out. Next thing I know I woke up here. I seem to be very much out of my element, adrift in the wind, an aimless spirit haunting this mortal coil. Yo ho ho ho.”
“Oh, leave that to me. I know just where to steal one,” Joker said, not paying attention to his new friend’s ramblings. He started to laugh manically, his bone chilling chuckles quickly joined by a bone rattling “yo ho ho”.

Chapter Text

Poison Ivy

“So what should we do with you?” Poison Ivy asked the raven-haired woman currently sitting on her couch. Though she didn’t mean for it, the question came out seductively, despite the lack of men to respond. She sat across from the woman, in a folding lawn chair. Money was kind of tight at the moment.
“I suppose I am at your mercy for now,” the woman said with a subtle grin. “I wish I had more information,” she continued, mostly to herself. She seemed too comfortable for Ivy’s liking, sitting straight and proper with her hands folded in her lap. She didn’t even have a weapon, but she was so calm.
Ivy’s friend and current partner in crime was literally bouncing in her armchair. “What were you doing, poking around here?” she asked. “This is Ivy and my place.” Harley Quinn, still in her red and black skin suit, though she had taken her white face paint and her jester hat off, swung herself around to let her head hang down and her feet were up and over the back of the chair. “You’re an odd one, aren’t you?” she said with a giggle, kicking her legs randomly.
“Like you’re one to talk, Harl,” Ivy said with an exasperated sigh. Good in a pinch as she was, the little clown was hard to take sometimes. “But she’s right; you’re not from around here, are you?”
The woman’s smile grew. “I was interested in the cemetery behind your home. It’s a fascinating example of the area’s beliefs. You can learn a lot from a culture based on their burial rituals. I’m an archeologist, you see,” she explained, which didn’t really explain anything. It was like talking to the Riddler.
Harley threw her hands above her head, which smacked them on the floor. Ivy flinched but Harl didn’t seem to feel it. “What’s your name?” the clown asked. She stilled for a second, and Ivy could almost see the gears turning. “I’m Harley Quin and Red over there is Poison Ivy. We’re crooks.”
“And killers,” Ivy added. She wanted to scare the woman. She wanted the stranger to react to something. For goodness sakes, the woman hadn’t so much as batted an eyelash at Ivy’s killer plants, even when one snapped at her skirt. Ivy was surprised the skirt didn’t fall off, honestly, since they had told her to keep her hands up. In response the woman had crossed her arms across her chest for some reason but Ivy didn’t want to argue out in the open and Harley just thought it was funny and copied her.
“I’m a pirate,” the woman said, like that explained everything. It didn’t, of course, but she acted like it did. Ivy wondered if she’d make good fertilizer, or if her contrary attitude would transfer to the plants.
The stranger was so cool and collected. This was worse than the Riddler; at least he followed a pattern, a lame one with children’s riddles, but still. Ivy sat back and tapped her chin. She wasn’t sure if the woman’s unruffled demeanor pissed her off or impressed her.
“But I used to be an assassin,” the woman continued. Impressed went up a few notches.
“Cooool,” Harley said with glee.
“How many people have you killed?” Ivy asked carefully. She considered the woman in a new light, but she still just looked like a bookworm, with big breasts that threatened to spill out of her tiny purple top. Even for Poison Ivy, her outfit was overly revealing, but at least it meant she couldn’t be hiding a weapon.
The woman shrugged. “I didn’t keep track, it would have been pointless. But before I joined my crew, I helped instigate a civil war so a warlord could conquer a country.” She sounded so smooth but her eyes swam with emotions that Ivy decided she would rather not try to decipher. She also decided that she would rather be impressed with this woman. It was better than intimidated.
Harley swung around again so she was right side up. “But what’s your name? I can’t keep thinking of you as the Creepy Mystery Woman.”
The woman laughed softly, a sort of “fu fu fu” noise. “You are very much like the Captain,” she said in response to the rogue’s blank looks.
Harley tilted her head in confusion and looked over at Ivy for verification. Ivy wasn’t sure what was funny either. If anyone here knew what was funny it’d be Harley. She’d been with “darling Mr. J” long enough. Not that Ivy thought he was funny either.
“My name is Nico Robin, of the Straw-hat Pirates,” the woman finally answered with a polite bow of her head. She maintained her smile but her eyes became sad. “Unfortunately I’ve been separated from the rest of my crew by a freak storm. I don’t know where anyone is.”
“Robin, huh?” Harley said, ignoring the second part of Robin’s answer. “Yuck. We don’t like Robins in this town.” She tapped her chin in thought, mirroring Ivy’s earlier gesture. “I know! I’ll call you Nicci!”
Ivy rolled her eyes but Robin just laughed. “Just like the Captain,” she whispered to herself, but didn’t argue with the nick-name.
“So, you’re looking for your friends?” Ivy asked to bring them back on track. If she left Harley alone they would be chasing conversational bunnies all night.
“Yes, but this place is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I do hope they haven’t been brutally murdered and left in a ditch somewhere,” she said with a grim smile which invited the two other women to see her joke. Ivy didn’t see anything funny about the comment but Harley cracked up, falling out of her chair in her mirth.
“I like you,” the clown girl gasped between giggles. “You’re funny.”
Ivy got up and went to one of her potted plants by the window. She stroked the Venus fly trap like a kitten and considered her options. Despite herself, she started to like this Nico Robin. The pirate woman was intelligent, brave, composed, and (unless she missed her guess) strong, very strong. When they had first seen the woman walking through their yard, they had invited/threatened her inside with the intention of killing her after they found out how much she knew. Now, Ivy made another decision, apparently the same one as her partner.
“Red, can we help her?” Harley asked. She was now sitting cross-legged on top of the chair back. “Please? I want to meet more funny pirates. Please, please, please?” She gave her best puppy eyes, which Ivy was not immune to. Robin hid her mouth as she laughed again.
“Fine,” Ivy snarled, but her smile took the sting out of it. Harley beamed at her, her blond pigtails bobbing as she nodded excitedly.
“Robin, uh, Nicci,” Ivy changed the name. She didn’t like Robins either. “We know this town. You’re lucky you met us. If your friends are in Gotham, we’ll find them.”
Robin smiled again, seemingly undisturbed by the rapid change in their attitude. “I appreciate this very much. Thank you.” She laughed her quiet “fu fu fu” again. “I hope the others have as nice a time as I am having. We tend to get into trouble wherever we go.”

Chapter Text

Commissioner Gordon

As commissioner of police in Gotham, Jim Gordon was used to strangeness. Hell, it came with the job. Nothing in Gotham is normal, including the weird kid currently in interrogation. Jim rubbed his head to try and hold back the headache he could feel coming on then reached for the coffee pot, again. It was going to be a long night.
In the other room, the kid was being questioned by one of Jim’s best detectives. “What is your connection to Poison Ivy?” Detective Bullock shouted at the kid. They just kept getting younger, Gordon thought as he sipped his coffee. This kind couldn’t be over 18, maybe 19.
“I don’t know who that is,” the boy whimpered, cowering away from the big police man, before getting his nerve back. He stood and flexed. His muscles were impressive, but not spectacular. Gordon guessed that he only recently got into shape and was still impressed with himself. “You better let me go or my eight thousand loyal followers will hunt you to the ends of the Earth. I am the Great Captain Ussop,” he bluffed. The kid got more animated as he spoke, practically shouting at the end. He started rambling on about his great adventures, including island eating goldfish, giants, sky islands, gods, and fishmen. He had been going on like this since they brought him in a couple hours ago and he had yet to repeat a story.
Gordon studied the kid. His curly black hair stood out from under his floppy hat. He still had his big headphones and goggles, though his bag and weapon were in impound. He wore no shirt, which was odd but it was summer so the night was warm, maybe he didn’t need one. “Must be a new fashion,” Jim muttered to himself, unconvinced. He would have noticed if overalls like that became popular, with the fur trim and the yellow. Why were his pants yellow? It clashed with the red straps. Jim winced as he thought that. It must be Barbra’s influence. The strangest thing though was the kid’s long nose. It just looked odd, which is saying something in an office used to dealing with Gotham’s special brand of disfigured rogues.
Gordon leaned against the one way mirror. Nothing about the kid made sense. He was picked up when he was found running from a street gang he had insulted somehow. The gangsters weren’t talking but they seemed pretty angry about something. The police were called for a disturbance; an anonymous caller had seen the beginning of the fight and worried for the poor kid. The responding officers were planning to let him go as just another victim after he gave a statement. According to the report, he then stopped running and pulled out a large black slingshot, of all things. The pellets he shot sprouted into dangerous plants and when one plant attacked the police cruiser, the officers opened fire on the plants. A lucky ricochet knocked the weapon out of the kid’s hands and allowed the officers to apprehend the suddenly cowardly young man. In his bag, they found more seed pods, he called them “pop greens”, which had the whole department on edge, expecting another Poison Ivy attack. The last one put several men in the hospital.
Inside the interrogation room, Bullock was losing patience; though to be fair that wasn’t very difficult. “Shut up, kid,” he shouted, slamming his hands on the table and making Ussop jump. “I don’t care about your bedtime stories. I want to know where you got those ‘green pop’ things. Did Ivy give them to you? What is she planning?” He got up in the boy’s face, actually pushing against that long nose. “Answer me, kid, and no more lies!” He was getting red in the face. Time for Gordon to step in.
“Bullock, go get yourself a donut before you have a heart attack,” Gordon said as he opened the door. The kid looked relieved, though he tried to hide it.
“But, Commish,” Bullock complained. “I got this. I’ll make the punk talk.” He jabbed a finger at the kid, who flinched.
Gordon put a heavy hand on his detective’s shoulder. “Let me have a go, Detective. We’re getting nowhere with this approach and if I wasn’t so worried about Isling, I’d send him to Arkham. Let them deal with him.” He sighed and looked at the kid, Ussop. He looked so young, but so old at the same time, like he’d seen too much. He’d seen kids like that before, too many times. “If I can’t get anything I’ll call the Bat. He’ll know what to do.” It showed how tired he was that he’d admit that.
Bullock wasn’t happy but he followed orders. “Yeah, well, maybe I’ll do some leg work looking for Killer Croc. We got reports he’d been seen at the docks lately.”
“Save it for tomorrow. Get your paperwork done instead,” Gordon said as the bigger man slipped outside. Then he turned his attention backed to the kid.
“Let’s start this over,” he said gently as he sat in the extra chair, putting his head at the same level as Ussop’s. “I’m Commissioner Jim Gordon of the Gotham City Police Department. Now I’m going to ask you some questions. If you don’t want to answer that’s fine, but don’t lie to me. I don’t appreciate that. Are you ready?”
The kid got his confidence back. He leaned forward and nodded.
“What is your name?”
The kid considered him for a minute before apparently coming to a decision. “I’ll tell you the truth, but I have been from the beginning… well, mostly. I admit, I’m not a captain. I am Sniper Ussop of the Strawhat Pirates.”
Gordon let that sink in before he answered. “Pirates, you say?”
“Yeah, like my dad. I’m also known as Sniperking, the greatest sniper on the Grand Line. Maybe you heard of me?” he asked hopefully.
“If you don’t want to tell me the truth,” Gordon sighed, feeling that headache coming on.
“But I am,” Ussop whined. “I’ve even got a theme song. Do you want to hear it?”
“Okay, moving on. These pop greens? What are they and where did you get them?”
“I grow them on our ship, but they originally come from Boin Archipelago in the Calm Belt. Hercacles taught me to use and grow them,” Ussop said proudly.
“Boin Archipelago? Calm Belt?” Gordon ran his fingers through his hair making it stand on end. “Who is Heracles? Is he related to Pamela Isling, also known as Poison Ivy?”
“Poison Ivy? I’ve never heard of her. Hercules is my teacher, even if he dresses like a stag beetle. He helped me get stronger after my crew was separated. We all did, for Luffy’s sake. I couldn’t have done it without Hercules.”
Gordon felt like he was losing control again but he had to ask. “Luffy?”
“Our captain, Strawhat Luffy,” Ussop leaned forward earnestly. “He’s going to be the Pirate King.”
In this room Gordon had interrogated everyone from Joker to Calenderman but none of them left him as confused as this man. The kid wasn’t bad, not even on the same level as the gang bangers he picked a fight with. He wasn’t innocent either, especially if he was proud to be called a pirate. Gordon wasn’t sure what to do here, or what was going on. There was something about Ussop that made Gordon think he’d be calling Batman after all.
“Say, could you let me go? I need to find my friends,” Ussop said carefully.
“The other pirates?” Gordon asked. He still couldn’t take this kid seriously, but the thought of more crazy youths worried him.
“Yes, see we were on our way to the next island, when we got caught in this storm. It blew us into the air and we all got blown off and separated,” he said seriously but then he winked. “You know my crew’ll be lost without me, completely beside themselves.” He grinned like an idiot.
Gordon leaned back in his chair to process the information. Nothing the kid said made sense, but at least it didn’t feel like he was lying, up until that last sentence (that was just bluster). Crazy, Jim thought, and probably should be in Arkham, or at least get his head scanned, but maybe not yet. There were too many unanswered questions.
“Why don’t you give me a list of your friends and I’ll see what I can do.” Maybe one of them would be real and could explain what was wrong with the kid’s perception of the world. “In the meantime, sit tight.”
“Thanks, mister,” the boy beamed, looking so young. “I could even sketch ‘em for you. I’m a great artist.”
Gordon nodded and slipped out. Outside, Montoya was waiting for him. She looked worried, well, more worried than usual. Something must have happened, which would mean more overtime.
“Get the kid a sketch pad and pencils. We’ll see if he knows any real people,” he told her.
“Yes, sir,” she said, but didn’t leave.
Gordon narrowed his eyes at her. “What is it, detective?”
“Um, sir, reports are coming in that the Joker just took over the concert hall with a living skeleton,” she said nervously.
“What?” Gordon shouted before taking a moment to regain his composure. Of course that clown would choose tonight to cause a problem. “Oh, never mind. Get a file together and bring it to me on the roof. Mobilize S.W.A.T. but don’t move until I say so.”
“Yes, Sir.”
As Gordon started for the elevator for the familiar ride to the roof, he sighed. Yep, it was going to be a very long night.

Chapter Text

Catwoman

Clouds covered the rising moon as a black shadow ran across Gotham’s rooftops. Conditions were perfect for the woman leaping across them. Selena Kyle, a.k.a. Catwoman, was in her element. Everything was going her way, from the tip off to the weather. She licked her lips like a cat with cream. Selena knew that a visiting drug lord had just purchased a number of beautiful necklaces for his mistresses, necklaces Catwoman would be delighted to relieve him of. The target was only in town tonight, so she had to move fast but her sources said security should be minimal. Hopefully, it will be a quick in-and-out job.
She leaped across an alley way and landed on her desired roof top, one that over looked the balcony of her target. She settled down to watch the place and purred to herself as she held up her binoculars. Yes, her source was right. Only two men, though they were pretty big, and no visible security system. She was about to stand up and ready herself to start the job when she saw the man in question walk in. She snarled silently because he brought four more huge bodyguards with him. Really, where did these guys find henchmen like that? As she watched, tense on her perch, the brute gave orders for his security to leave the room. One man stationed himself on the balcony that she was planning to use as her entrance, a stumbling block for her plans but not impossible, while the others went out the front door. Then he removed the horrendous painting of hunting dogs (yuck), revealing the safe. Really, the man was an idiot, buying a cheap safe like that. Catwoman caught her breath, hoping that she was about to see his combination. That would certainly make things easier for her. She was practically purring again. He ruined it however, when she got a good look at the electronic pad next to the safe. Instead of entering his combination, he activated a security system. It electrified the safe and set the alarms on the windows and doors. Catwoman recognized the setup, of course. She was a professional. It was a good one; one she had broken before but not without special tools that she couldn’t get on short notice. Even Batman wouldn’t have anything to short out the alarms safely, at least nothing he would give her. Pity, that.
She sighed and got up to leave. She wasn’t stupid or completely reckless, regardless of what Batman might think of her. She knew that this was one bird that would fly the coop, but there would be others. She was about to take off for home to lick her metaphoric wounds when she heard someone shriek in the alley below.
A thug was attacking a pretty young woman with long orange hair. It looked like he had come up behind her and grabbed her, hence the shriek. Catwoman readied herself to leap to the girl’s rescue, excited to let out some of her disappointment on the man. Before she could however, the girl proved herself capable of taking care of the man on her own. She pulled out three blue metal rods which she connected and swung back at her attacker, hitting him in the head so he let her go. She spun to face him and held her weapon in a defensive position. When he tried to grab her again, she poked him in the chest and he seized like he was tazed and fell without a sound.
Selena was impressed. “Nice work,” she called down before swinging from the rooftop to land beside the redhead. “How did you do that?” She nudged the twitching man with her toe.
The woman looked her up and down in suspicion but answered, “My Perfect Climatact. I created a little lightning to knock him out.”
“Really?” Selena gasped. She was thinking quickly, maybe tonight wouldn’t be a complete waste. Maybe she could strike a deal with this woman, or just steal her weapon. Either way, Selena decided to be upfront with her from the beginning. “People call me Catwoman, I’m a thief. You are?”
“Nami, the cat burglar,” the girl said with a smug smile. “I’m also a pirate and a navigator.”
“Really?” Catwoman repeated. She liked this Nami especially that she was proud of her "cat burglar" title. Maybe they could work together; a partial score is better than nothing. “Want to help me pull a job?”
“I usually only steal from pirates,” Nami said. She seemed honestly disappointed about that. “Besides, I need to find the rest of my crew. We were separated.” She started to turn, like she was leaving.
Catwoman smiled and threw her arm around her new friend, trying to put her at ease and not letting her get away. “Trust me girl, this guy is worse than a pirate. He’s a drug lord, a parasite, and I was hoping to relieve him of several diamond necklaces he bought for his many mistresses. Tell you what, you help me nab the ice and I’ll help you find your friends.”
Nami smiled, and Selena swore she could see dollar signs in her eyes. To be honest, it was a little disturbing. “Deal,” the pirate-woman agreed. “Lead the way, Catwoman.”
Catwoman led the way back up to the roof. Nami was surprisingly agile considering she was only wearing a bikini top and skin tight jeans. Selena’s cat-suit was just as tight but at least it was practical. When they reached the ledge overlooking the mark’s balcony, Catwoman pointed out their obstacles. In order: brute on the balcony, alarm on the door, electrified safe, the safe itself, the muscle outside the suite, and getting out unseen. Nami nodded as Selena explained, completely at ease. However, when Catwoman started to explain her plan, (which she was kind of making up as she went, trying to fit the other women into her plans), Nami stopped her with a raised hand.
“Please, leave it to me,” she said with a smirk. She twirled a section of her pipe and little bubbles came out. Inside the bubbles were little black clouds that, when the bubbles popped after Nami waved them across the street, formed a black cloud the size of a large cat right over the head of the clueless goon. “Watch this,” Nami said with a wink and sent a different kind of bubble floating across. Catwoman could barely make out a yellow crackle of electricity inside. When the new bubble hit the cloud, it created a streak of lightning that knocked the guard out.
Selena had to admit she was impressed. That feeling only grew when she went to swing across the street with her whip.
“Wait,” Nami said and did something complicated with her pipe again. She swung it in front of them and took hold of the whip alongside Catwoman. “I created a mirage, so no one will see us on our way over.”
“Purfect,” Catwoman whispered and together the women swung across the street, landing neatly on the balcony. Leaving the pirate to keep watch on the street, Selena examined the door, trying to tell if the alarm was still active. Luckily for them, Nami’s lightning had fried the wires, but not tripped the alarm. It was beautiful and soon the two cat burglars were standing before the safe considering their options again.
“Would more lightning short it out?” Nami whispered. She had already tried a light zap, but it didn’t work.
“No,” Catwoman frowned. “Last time I turned it off with a stolen hand print scan, but I’ve heard that grounding it could work.” She was frustrated. Earlier she thought the lighting would work, but it looked like a bust.
“What about water?”
“What do you mean?” Selena turned to her new friend.
“I could make a rain cloud and blow it into the box and break it that way. Electronics don’t do well in wet right?”
“I knew I liked you for a reason,” the older woman preened.
Nami’s plan worked like a charm and it only took half a minute for Catwoman to crack the safe, revealing their treasure. Within moments, they were swinging back across the street, their pockets bulging with diamond necklaces. They ran all the way to Selena’s apartment, high on the endorphins of a successful job.
Inside the penthouse apartment, Nami lounged on the couch petting Selena’s cat, Isis, while Selena laid out the loot to split. Catwoman liked her new friend even more than before, since Isis had given her seal of approval.
“I can’t believe how smooth that was,” Catwoman congratulated her accomplice as she split the take 50/50. She had tried for a 20/80 split but Nami talked her into a more even share, on their way back. Despite herself, Selena was impressed. The girl could haggle.
“I know, much easier than stealing from pirates,” Nami agreed as she lazily grabbed a necklace to evaluate the quality of the stones. She laughed when Isis batted at it. “Much, much easier than pirates, though most pirates don’t rely so heavy on worthless security. Anyway, this was fun, but now I need to find my crew.”
“I said I would help you with that, didn’t I?” Catwoman said as she locked up her share in her own safe, a much better quality one than the one she just cracked. She sat down next to Nami, allowing her other cats to swarm her as she considered their options. Penguin usually had a good network, and she’d have to go to him anyway to fence some of the necklaces. He wasn’t trustworthy though and would demand a high price from Nami. They hadn’t known each other long but Selena knew that Nami would hate to spend that kind of money. Who else would be able to help a poor lost pirate? Not really a pirate though, Selena thought, more like a damsel in distress. Who did she know who would always help a damsel in distress?
“I know just who to ask to; a man who has his fingers on the pulse of this town. If your crew is in the city he’ll know.” She looked out the window to see the batsignal light up the sky. “And we don’t even have to call him ourselves. Come on, Nami.”
The two women returned to running along the roof tops, heading to the source of the light, which was on top of the police station. Suddenly, Catwoman stopped, struck by a sudden thought.
“Nami, two things before I introduce you to Batman,” Selena said carefully. “First, don’t talk about our job tonight and don’t introduce yourself as a pirate and a thief. He’s a bit of a sour puss about breaking the law.”
“Okay, gotcha,” Nami agreed with a shrug. “And the other thing?”
“I saw him first, so hands off.”

Chapter Text

The air whistled through Nightwing’s hair as he leaped across the rooftops of Gotham. It made him feel alive to be running through his old haunts again, even if it was a little strange. Gotham was Batman’s city, not his, not anymore. He had to come back only to make an appearance at a Wayne charity event, but he couldn’t just sit in his apartment all night. He needed to patrol, to get out and stretch his legs. Since Bruce hadn’t said anything against it, Dick figured it wouldn’t hurt. Though if Batman had said something, then he probably still would have gone out tonight. He was past letting Batman dictate his actions, even if he had to listen to Bruce Wayne sometimes.
There were days when having two sides of himself like this felt odd: one half Richard Grayson, one half Nightwing. He learned how to balance those sides from Bruce, though he hoped he’s been better at it than his mentor. Dick wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, though. There was something amazing about being a hero, protecting people and chasing down criminals. Take now for instance, the crook he was chasing had robbed a mom-and-pop grocery a few blocks back and didn’t even know that he was being chased yet. In a moment, Nightwing would take him down and he’d pay for scaring poor Mrs. Wilson. Behind them, police were finally responding to the poor woman’s “911” call. They would canvas the area and find the thief, who Nightwing was planning to hang from a light post. Cliché maybe, but the classics were classic for a reason.
With a final leap, Nightwing flipped over the roof and landed squarely on top of his quarry. Bull’s-eye! The man didn’t put up much of a fight as he was tied up. Nightwing left him swinging from the lamp post, the stolen merchandise and money in a pile under his head. Right on cue, Nightwing heard the fine officers of GCPD approaching, so he disappeared into the night, trying not that think of how cliché that was to. Batman had the market cornered on fading into the night, but Dick learned his lessons well. Maybe someday he could serve his mentor some of his own medicine.
With that happy thought, Nightwing returned to his patrol. He was taking a short cut when he heard a woman scream. Damsel in distress? That sounds like a job for a young hero to come save the day. He followed the sound to an alley, only to discover that someone else had beat him to the punch, or well the kick since the man below was only using his feet.
It was an odd scene. A blond man in a fancy suit had a mugger, identifiable by his makeshift mask, pinned against the wall with one foot to the mugger’s shoulder. It was an impressive feat of flexibility, more impressive because the blond was turned to offer the woman her purse. He actually bowed as she took it, which made even Nightwing ache a little in sympathy.
“Oh miss, it was my most sincere pleasure to be your shining knight. I promise that this ruffian will never intrude on your beauty again,” the stranger spouted gallantly. The woman giggled into her hand, completely charmed by the gentleman.
Nightwing watched while she leaned over to kiss the man’s cheek, making him blush and stammer. She laughed and waved as she left. Only in Gotham could a woman brush off a rescue like that so quickly.
The man turned to the thug that he still had pinned to the wall. “You shitty bastard,” the blond snarled, “how dare you threated to harm a woman? I should tenderize you, dice you into little pieces, and stew you.”
Okay, now it was time for a costumed hero to step in before this guy went overboard. Nightwing dropped down into the alley and addressed the man. “Now don’t you think that’s a bit much?” he said with a laugh to diffuse the tension.
The man studied the newcomer for a moment before turning to his victim and ground his foot harder into the poor man’s shoulder. “Do you swear that you will never again harm a lady?” he snarled. He didn’t seem homicidal so Nightwing waited for him to finish.
“Yeah, yeah,” the man gasped. “Just let me go, please.”
“Swear it on your honor as a man,” the stranger ordered, leaning closer to the man. Nightwing had to suppress a smile for that one, but he liked the idea. It fit with his own idealism.
The man swore as hard and as honestly as he could, blubbering like he was begging for his life. Nightwing was impressed; he’d only ever seen Batman get a reaction like that. With a disinterested sniff, the blond let him fall. Without another word the would-be mugger took off running as fast as he could.
Nightwing whistled in appreciation at the dent in the wall. “Did you do that?” he asked. The foot shaped dent was next to where the man’s head had been, which meant it was probably an intimidation. Nightwing was liking this guy the more he learned.
The man took out a cigarette and with the ease of long practice soon had it lit. “Yeah, we going to have a problem?”
“No problem, just wondering who you are,” Nightwing shrugged.
“Black Leg Sanji,” the man said with a puff of smoke.
“Nightwing,” Dick replied. He leaned against the wall nonchalantly, taking in the strange fellow. He certainly wasn’t from Gotham. Dick had never seen a suit like that with the double row of gold buttons. His shoes were polished but no amount of shoe shine could hide the wear and tear. His hair was bright blond and brushed to over his left eye, leaving the right to glare out at the world under… why was his eye brow spiraled? Nightwing realized he was staring so he spoke up to cover it. “So what are you doing out tonight, Sanji? I mean other than rescuing damsels in distress.”
“Looking for my shitty crew,” Sanji spat out as he threw down his cigarette and smashed it under his foot. “Our ship got caught in a freak storm and we were separated.”
“What do you mean ‘crew’?” Nightwing asked, curious.
“My pirate crew, the Strawhats,” said then his eyes widened dramatically and he reached over to grab Nightwings shoulders and shook the hero. “What about my poor Nami-Swan and Robin-chan? They’re probably lost without me to protect them in this awful place. How will I find my flowers?”
“There are women in your pirate crew?” Nightwing said once Sanji calmed down a little. The pirate had lit another cigarette and was puffing like a train in distress. At least he wasn’t blowing smoke in Dick’s face. Pirates, though; that was new. Nightwing couldn’t remember ever having pirates in Gotham.
“Two beautiful goddesses that I would die protecting,” Sanji gushed. Then his demeanor changed, “and a directionless walking Marimo who is probably so turned around that we’ll never find him. Not that I would cry over that, of course.”
Nightwing wasn’t sure what to say to that one. He decided to go with what he knew he could do. “Maybe I could help?” he offered. “I am a hero after all.”
“You sure? I would be fine on my own,” Sanji said suspiciously.
“Of course,” Nighwing scoffed. “Sounds like fun, as long as you’re not planning to pillage right?”
“Why would I pillage anything?”
“Because you’re a pirate?” At Sanji’s unimpressed look, Nightwing dropped it. “Never mind, Sanji. Tell me about your crew.”
“There are just 9 of us. Nami-swan and Robin-chan, of course, are my first priority. The rest of the idiots should be okay, except maybe Chopper and Ussop.” He stopped to ponder the thought as he tapped the ash off his third smoke. “Maybe not. We’ve all gotten so much stronger.”
“Sounds interesting. Do you have any ideas where they could be?” Nightwing asked. He was committed now, and it sounded like a good challenge. However, this was also sounding more complicated. This pirate hunt could be bigger than he could handle alone, as much as he hated to admit that.
“No idea,” Sanji shrugged. “Honestly, I was just going to wherever there was the biggest commotion. That’s usually how we find each other.”
“This happens a lot?”
“More than you’d think.”
“Well we can’t just wait for them to get into trouble, this is Gotham and things have a tendency to get out of control. Tell you what, I’ll call my mentor and see if he has any ideas about your friends.”
“If you think it will help, I’ll do anything for my flowers,” Sanji approved.
Nightwing nodded and touched to com in his ear, connecting it. He had already used it once tonight to check on Alfred but talking to Batman was always more complicated. Besides, how was he going to explain helping a lost pirate? The more he thought about it the weirder it sounded. Man, he hoped Batman would listen to him. “Hey, Bats? I have a situation.”

Chapter Text

Alfred Pennyworth-

Alfred Pennywoth’s service as a gentleman’s gentleman (the common phase is butler) for the Wayne family has never been ordinary nor predicable. Early on, Alfred pledged to never let anything unsettle him or interfere with his duties. To that end, Alfred prepared dinner, knowing Master Bruce would be exhausted, but too stubborn to admit or show it after a night as Batman. He had water boiling for tea and a wonderful dumping soup prepared and ready to reheat at a moment’s notice, since there was no way to predict when the man would return The smell of fresh bread filled his kitchen and should still be warm when Master Bruce finally appeared. Alfred was just preparing the teapot for himself; it was too early for Master Bruce, when the silent alarm in the medieval weapons gallery went off.
“Now, what in the world could that be?” the Englishman said to himself as he dried his hands. Better investigate before whatever it was become an inconvenience for Master Bruce.
Though he advanced cautiously, nothing seemed out of place and no other alarms had sounded. Master Bruce called, interrupting his patrol of the city to check on the situation. Alfred assured him that he could handle the intruder, whoever they may be, so there would be no need for the Batman to come to the rescue. After promising to call if this was not the case, Batman gave in.
A quick sweep of the perimeter showed that all the alarms were functioning correctly, no mechanic malfunctions or sabotage. Only the motion sensors in the gallery registered movement.
As Alfred came to this conclusion, Master Dick called to check in; apparently he was still connected to the manor’s defenses and worried for his old caretaker. Honestly, did they all think he was helpless? He’d have to think of a suitable punishment for their lack of faith. Maybe he would stop baking scones for a few weeks.
With a sigh at their folly, he finally headed to the source of the problem. The door to the gallery stood open, and Alfred knew he had closed it last time he cleaned. Conclusion: someone was inside, which concurred with the tripped motion sensors.
“Pardon me,” Alfred said into the heavy silence. “No one is permitted inside here without Master Bruce’s expressed permission. I must ask you to leave.”
“Huh?” a masculine voice from over by the Japanese displays. The man sounded annoyed, but not particularly hostile.
“I said that you are trespassing,” the Englishman stated as calmly as he could. He could barely make out the outline of a man and he didn’t want to aggravate the intruder before he knew what he was dealing with.
The stranger came out into the light, revealing the oddest young man Alfred had ever seen. His musculature rivaled even Batman’s and his open green robe revealed a vicious scar across his chest. That wasn’t his only scar either; one eye was sealed shut by yet another scar, giving him a rakish look. However the scars weren’t his oddest feature, which was his bright green hair. He was armed with three katana, and moved with a grace that told Alfred that he knew how to wield them. He seemed very out of place among the Wayne Family antiques and his youth was revealed by the pout on his face. The poor boy was lost.
Alfred waited patiently for the man to respond. He didn’t quite look like a villain, at least not one that has ever come across Batman’s radar. He believed that he wouldn’t need Batman and Nightwing’s help with this intruder, which was certainly positive. He hated to take them from their nightly escapades.
The man sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “My crew got lost and I was looking for them when I wandered in here. I started looking at the weapons here but the door keeps moving and I couldn’t get out.”
“The door was moving?” Alfred asked, bewildered. Briefly he wondered if Master Bruce had done some renovations, but quickly dismissed the idea. He wouldn’t have done that without telling Alfred, probably.
“I wasn’t lost,” he said defensively.
“I see, well perhaps I can help with that. Where do you wish to go?” Alfred asked, wanting to help the poor man. He seemed very frustrated and slightly embarrassed.
The man growled. “I don’t know. Nothing looks right around here. I need to find my captain.”
“And who is your captain?”
“Straw-hat Luffy, the pirate,” he said, turning to look out the window. “He’ll show himself, don’t worry. Wherever there is trouble, that’s where I’ll find Luffy.”
“I see, and you are?” Alfred asked, letting his curiosity show.
“Roronoa Zoro,” the green haired man said with a bow. “Uh, pleasure to meet you.” He added awkwardly, like he wasn’t used to being polite.
Alfred inclined his head in return. “Alfred Pennyworth, at your service.”
“Thanks, mister. Hey, sorry about the trespassing. I’ll be going now,” the man turned and opened the door to the closet. With a muttered curse, he slammed it. “At least I will if the damn doors stop moving.”
Alfred flinched at the damage to the door, which now sported a large crack through the hard wood. Zoro didn’t seem to know his own strength. “Now, lad, don’t be so hard on the manor. Let’s just have a spot of tea and you can tell me about that captain of yours. Maybe I know someone who can help you find your way.”
With minimal grumbling, Alfred led Zoro out of the gallery and immediately turned to retreat to the kitchen. Zoro however stood frowning at the door like it had insulted him and turned the opposite way and started walking with remarkable confidence considering he had been lost in a room full of glass cases and two clearly marked exits.
Alfred knew how to deal with proud young men from experience, so when he ordered Zoro to stop, the pirate obeyed. “Mr. Roronoa, please refrain from wandering on your own. I will lead you to the kitchen and we can have a civilized cup of tea,” he said sternly, not looking away from the piercing gaze from the man’s one eye. He had been staring down Batman since Master Bruce was a toddler; a green haired swordsman wasn’t enough to make him back down.
Zoro nodded and came to heel remarkably quickly but Alfred soon learned that nothing was simple with pirates. They had only made it halfway down the hallway toward the master staircase when Alfred noticed that his guest was missing again. A quick search found the man standing in the library looking lost again.
“Where did you go?” Zoro accused.
“I went nowhere, young man. You wandered off,” Alfred retorted dryly. “Please try to stay with me this time.”
They left the library and made it to the stairs but at the bottom of the stairs Alfred looked up to see Zoro climbing to the next level. A terse, shouted argument later, Zoro was back with Alfred on the ground floor and this time Alfred swore to keep the swordsman in line: by keeping him in front and telling him which way to head. This also didn’t work as Zoro invariably turned the opposite way Alfred wanted him to. Finally, they reached the kitchen and Alfred manhandled the pirate into a chair with orders not to move. He prepared some Japanese-style green tea (guessing Zoro’s preference based on the katana) and after serving them both a cup, sat down with a sigh across from his guest.
The Englishman took a soothing sip of his tea. After Master Bruce’s training in Japan, Alfred always kept a supply of this tea ready. It always seemed to have a calming effect on the rare times that Master Bruce allowed himself to relax. It seemed to have the same effect on this young man.
Zoro deeply inhaled the fragrant steam. “I haven’t tasted tea like this since the dojo,” he said quietly.
“I’m pleased you like it,” Alfred said, as he set down his cup. “Isn’t this a tad more civilized? Now, let’s hear your story, Mister Roronoa.”
Zoro closed his eye as he cradled the cup and took a sip. He sighed in contentment. “Won’t hurt to explain, but I’m not real good at telling stories. That’s Usopp’s thing.”
“Well, do your best. I’m in no hurry,” Alfred encouraged.
“We were sailing on the Grand Line in our ship, the Thousand Sunny, when Nami started yelling about a storm. It picked up out of nowhere and next thing I know we were all blown off the ship, except Franky, he was in the docking system below deck. I tried to keep track of people but the wind stole my breath so I couldn’t breathe and I passed out. When I woke up I was in a strange city.” The swordsman shrugged and took another sip of tea. “I decided to look for everyone and started walking. After a couple of short cuts, I found my way into that room with all the weapons. I stopped to look at the swords and that’s when you found me.” He looked at the butler, his eye deadly serious.
Alfred had to admit he was surprised by the tale, though he did not show it. Nor did he disbelieve it. In his time serving Master Bruce he had seen and heard stranger things. Problem was he wasn’t sure how to help the young man, and he clearly needed assistance. He deliberated if this was a case for the Batman.
He must have taken too long to ponder the situation, because his guest scowled at him. “It’s all true,” Zoro grumped. “I’m not a liar like Usopp.”
“No, no, of course you’re not,” Alfred reassured him. “I’m considering how to help you find your compatriots. How many of you are there?”
“Nine,” Zoro said regaining his calm.
“It seems small crew for a pirate ship,” Alfred commented.
“It works for us.” Zoro held up a hand and started to count off his fingers. “Luffy, the captain; Nami, she’s the navigator; Ussop is our liar and sniper; Curly-brow, the shit-cook; Chopper is the ship’s doctor; Franky’s the shipwright, there’s Robin and Brook’s the musician.”
“Impressive,” Alfred observed. “You all must be very strong.”
Zoro grinned, it was actually kind of frightening, like Batman’s glare. “Yeah, we’re infamous. Every one of us has a bounty. Mine is 120 million beris. Luffy’s is up to 400 million after his trouble at Marineford.”
“Indeed,” Alfred said, impressed despite the fact that it meant he was sitting before a wanted man. Though he remembered quite clearly when he worked for a wanted man; thank goodness Batman was in the GCPD’s good graces now. He was just about to ask more about this unusual crew when he received a call from Batman.
“What is the situation there?” the crime fighter asked. He sounded annoyed about something, not that anyone else would be able to tell any difference from his usual gruff tone.
“I have everything in hand, sir. An unexpected guest got lost in the manor and he was just confiding his circumstances to me,” Alfred explained calmly. He didn’t want to alarm Master Bruce by bringing up the bounties, but he did want to share about the fascinating visitor.
“Get off,” Batman growled over the line, completely throwing off Alfred’s train of thought.
“Sorry, sir?” Alfred asked, feeling as lost as Zoro was earlier.
“Forget it. Is your guest a pirate?” Batman asked.
“Yes, sir, how did you know?” Alfred exclaimed, impressed as always at Master Bruce’s deductive skills.
“They seem to be prevalent tonight. Nightwing will be there soon. Don’t let the pirate leave until then.” Batman ordered.
“Yes, sir. We are just sharing a spot of tea,” Alfred said with a smile at his green haired guest, who seemed to be ignoring him. “It might help to know that he said that there are nine of them.”
“It will help,” Batman sighed. “Hopefully your charge is less trouble than my own. Get down from there! Batman out.”
The line cut off and Alfred smiled to himself. It sounded like Master Bruce had an interesting guest of his own. Now there was nothing to do except wait for Master Dick. In the meantime, “So, tell me more about yourself, Zoro. Why do you carry three katana?”

Chapter Text

Mr. Freeze-

Alone in his cold, quiet laboratory, Victor Freis, known to the world as Mr. Freeze, contemplated the injustice of life. Once he was a respected scientist, doctor and beloved husband; now he was a wanted criminal, a super-villain on the gallery of Gotham’s rogues. In a fit of pique, he swept the arm across his table, scattering the beakers and vials he had been working on. He despaired but in this body he couldn’t even weep.
He welcomed the distraction of the proximity alarm. Something was wandering in the halls of the abandoned frozen food factory, his current base and another victim of society’s injustice. The building had been left to rot when the owners were forced to close by bigger corporations. A little rewiring turned on the cold without alerting the authorities to the electricity usage. He kept it so cold inside the building that no one should have stayed longer than a few moments.
Maybe the Batman had found him again. Victor put on his helmet and grabbed his freeze gun. If that was the case he would put the bat on ice.
He stalked the intruder, a difficult task in his bulky suit, and soon he had it cornered. However, the intruder wasn’t one of Gotham’s vigilantes; in fact it probably wasn’t from Gotham at all. A tiny little animal with reindeer antlers and a blue nose, wearing shorts, and a blue hat with a pink “x” hid behind one of the support beams. Or tried to hide behind one of the support beams. It hid the wrong way, leaving its whole body out in plain view.
“Aren’t you hiding the wrong way?” Victor asked in his robotic voice.
The thing squeaked and slowly hid the right way this time. Victor sighed and put away his gun. He didn’t have time for this.
“Leave, creature, or I’ll freeze you,” he threatened. It didn’t move. “I have too much work to do.” No reaction from the furball. “Fine, do what you want. I must find a cure for my Nora.”
“Cure?” the thing asked, coming out from its hiding place. “Are you a doctor?”
Victor turned on the creature, feeling cold anger burn in his chest. “I used to be, until I was betrayed and became this!” he said with malice. “You wouldn’t understand. I’m a monster now.”
The creature smiled and even Mr. Freeze felt his heart melt a little. “Yes I would. People used to call me a monster and it hurt.” He put his small hooves behind his back and kicked the ground. “But because of Luffy, I don’t care anymore. I just want to become the best doctor in the world so I can support my friends. And I will too. You just watch.”
Victor considered this and thought of his Nora, his reason for living. It was true that he wouldn’t care what anyone else thought as long as she remembered him as the man he was. He looked back down at the small animal. “Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m Tony Tony Chopper and I’m a Strawhat Pirate,” he said proudly. His smile was adorable.
“Come, Tony Tony Chopper. I will show you my lab,” Victor said decisively. Who knew, maybe this strange little person would have some use. At lease he was amusing, something that had been missing from Victor’s life since he lost his wife.
In the lab, Chopper scurried around, looking at everything with growing excitement. He read through Victor’s notes with surprising speed and even seemed to understand them. He reverently touched the bottled samples with his little hooves, and seemed the most entranced by the new cryogenic pod Victor was creating. Current models were too hard on the subjects’ system; Freis himself was an extreme example. He wanted to create one that would not strain his poor Nora’s immune system and maybe find a way to reduce the effects on his own body.
“Did you make all of this?” Chopper asked with stars in his eyes. “I bet Franky and Ussop would appreciate this place.”
“Yes,” Victor said, looking at his musical snow globe that was all he currently had of his wife. She was currently in the custody of Wayne Enterprises. “I have devoted my life to the study of my wife’s illness and cryogenics.”
“It’s all so amazing, far beyond anything I have ever seen,” the little reindeer said honestly. “In fact it’s beyond anything I’ve ever heard of. Some of this technology is more advanced than even Dr. Vegapunk.” He turned to stare endearingly at Freis. “I know if you put your heart into it you will succeed, just like my Dr. Hiluluk.”
“And who was he?” Victor couldn’t stop himself from asking. It had been so long since he had held a conversation for this long.
“Doctor took me in when everyone else was afraid of me because of my blue nose,” Chopper said as he looked closer to the pod. He transformed into a large ape-like creature with a thick ruff of fur around his neck, using his increased height to get a better look. Mr. Freeze figured it wasn’t the blue nose that turned people off.
Chopper continued his story without noticing his companion’s surprise. “He gave me my name and my hat. He taught me what it meant to be a doctor and a pirate.”
“Pirate? You mentioned that before.”
“Uh huh. I’m the ship’s doctor and Luffy is our captain. He’s really strong but he always gets hurt so I have to be strong so I can take care of him. And the others to, though usually it’s Luffy, Sanji and Zoro who get hurt the worst.” He turned to look at Victor and shrank back to “normal”. “Well, Ussop to, but he at least listens to me when I tell him to keep his bandages on. Zoro never does.” He looked annoyed, which was even more adorable than before.
Victor felt like he was losing control of this encounter. He decided to ask a question maybe that would help clear things up. “Your Dr. Hiluluk, was he a great doctor?” That seemed innocent enough.
“No, not really,” Chopper shrugged, but he was smiling. “Everyone called him a quack, but he had a dream to cure a country.”
“A country?” He was lost again.
“Yes, my home island was sick because of our cruel king so Doctor decided to use the same cure that saved his life when he was a young thief with a fatal illness.” Chopper held a hoof to his mouth and dropped his voice like he was sharing a secret. “Do you want to know what it was?”
“Yes,” Victor answered. He couldn’t say anything else when the little guy looked so intent.
Chopper looked over his shoulder and motioned for Mr. Freeze, the man who almost put the Batman on ice, to lean down so he could whisper. “Cherry blossoms.”
“Huh?”
Chopper clapped his hooves with happiness. “Yes! Cherry blossoms saved him so he spent years developing a way to make cherry blossoms bloom on our winter island. Everyone thought he was crazy but he did it. I saw the cherry blossoms when I left with Luffy to go on our adventure. And you know what? I think it did cure the country. He was right all along.”
Victor Freis stopped to think before he responded. Yes the idea seemed insane, but all doctors know the power of positive thinking. Maybe seeing cherry trees in bloom could help someone recover from an illness and seeing them for the first time could inspire an ice bound country to recover from a poor ruler. He regarded his little friend for a moment.
“I believe you,” he said finally. “You must be very wise.”
“Shut up, you bastard,” Chopper exclaimed, a blush glowing through his fur. “Just because you compliment me doesn’t make me happy.”
Victor thought that he certainly looked happy, if the dance was anything to go by. He felt his lips crack. Startled he turned to the shiny surface of his pod. It wasn’t cellular degeneration at fault. No, he was smiling. How long had it been since he smiled? He looked at Chopper in awe.
“Do you,” Victor paused. It would sound stupid even juvenile but looking at the small reindeer he decided he didn’t care. It wasn’t like a mutant reindeer with a blue nose had the right to judge him. “Do you think your cure would help me?”
Chopper stopped his dance in mid wiggle and turned very serious. “Depends what your suffering from,” he said in full doctor mode.
Victor gestured to himself. “I am trapped in this cold, unfeeling body. I feel nothing not even emotions. Everything is cold to me.”
Chopper at least seemed to take him seriously. “I can’t promise that Doctor’s cherry blossoms would help your body, but your mind and your heart? Of course they can. But we need two things.”
“What are they?”
“First, a bunch of Doctor Hiluluk’s red powder. It will turn snow pink, like cherry blossoms. All of your equipment here can make the snow,” Chopper said and pulled off his little blue backpack. He dug though it for a minute before pulling out a vial of red powder. “I learned to make the same powder while I was studying these last two years. We just need to make more of it.”
Victor was confident so far. “What is the other thing?”
“A pirate flag! Because…” Chopper was just about to explain that bizarre necessity when Victor’s cop radio crackled. He always kept it on to keep tabs on the police and Batman.
“Joker spotted at the Gotham Concert Hall!” the desperate man on the air shouted. “He’s taken dozens of hostages and is with two henchmen and a walking skeleton. Please be aware that Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn have also been seen in the area with a dark haired woman who can grow arms out of the walls. SWAT is mobilizing!”
“My crew!” Chopper shrieked. “I need to get back to them!” He turned to Victor with teary eyes. “Will you help me?”

Chapter Text

Batgirl & Robin

Barbra Gordon liked to think that she was a relatively normal girl. She liked to shop and hang out with her friends, she had crushes on boys, she did well in school, and she got along with her father. So what if she happened to spend her nights dressed up as a bat? She liked helping people, which was normal. So it was natural that a normal girl would be annoyed to be forced to babysit, right? Except that most babysitters did their job at home, not at the Gotham docks in the middle of the night; and most babysitters had to watch little brothers and make sure they go to bed on time, instead of reining in an overly enthusiastic sidekick from taking on more than he could handle. Batgirl sighed; so much for normal.
She followed the yellow cape of tonight’s partner across the roof-tops of the warehoused that lined the docks and tried not to miss the old Robin. Dick was still a good friend and Nightwing was more than capable but it wasn’t really the same. Not to say that Tim wasn’t a great Robin, but he was just a kid and no matter what she did she still saw him as one; which he didn’t appreciate. She suspected that Batman knew of the tension and that’s why he ordered them to work together tonight. She could have done it alone, though. It was simple reconnaissance. Killer Croc was on the loose again and had been spotted along the docks, which surprised nobody. Batgirl and Robin were to locate him and keep tabs but under no circumstances were they to engage. That bothered her but she understood. Croc was way out of her weight class and Robin was still new to the whole thing. No point in asking for trouble.
Ahead of her, Robin stopped on the edge of the roof and looked down to watch one of the dive-bars that seemed to pop up like cockroaches in the area. She came up next to him and pulled out a small pair of binoculars. “This is starting to feel like a waste of time,” Robin complained quietly. “All night and not so much as a scale of Killer Croc.”
“I agree, but we have to be thorough,” Batgirl encouraged, reaching over to pat him on the shoulder. She tried to identify the patrons of the bar through the big glass window that seemed to be a staple of these types of places. She recognized several of the men from their mug-shots that she sneaked a peek of at her dad’s office, but none of them were affiliated with Killer Croc.
Robin pouted but didn’t disagree or shrug off her hand. The vigilantes watched the bar for a few minutes and before moving on. They were getting close to the end of the neighborhood, where the docks turned into residential, expensive river front residential. At that point they would turn around and start over to see if they missed anything. This area of the docks was run down and mostly abandoned, though; which would be perfect for Killer Croc. Without a word the partners in crime fighting stepped up their vigilance, ready for anything. Or so Barbra thought.
When they were checking an abandoned cargo ship, they both heard something. They froze and stared at each other in the moon light. “What was that?” Robin asked, suddenly a little nervous, though he’d never admit it. Barbra knew though, mostly because she felt the same.
“I don’t know but it sounded like a big clang and then someone shouted ‘OW’,” she answered. “Let’s check it out.”
On the far side of the cargo ship was another ship, maybe? Barbra had never seen a ship like it in her life and she wasn’t sure how to classify it. She rubbed her eyes, but it was still there. It was big and brightly colored with a sunflower or maybe a lion for a figure head and trees and grass growing on the decks. It had sails, only one of which was down and was emblazoned with a big skull and cross bones, which wasn’t as scary as it sounded because the skull was wearing a bright yellow hat and seemed almost happy, like it was proud to be watching over the unlikely vessel. This thing was definitely not from Gotham, which tended more toward gloomy or clown themed; or, on a bad day, both.
“Look,” Robin whispered, nudging her with his elbow. “That’s why we couldn’t find Croc.”
Barbra tore her eyes away from the cataloguing the gaudy sail boat. On the deck, in a stoutly built cage a very angry Killer Croc stood, yelling abuse at a…
“Robin,” Batgirl said incredulously. “What in the world is that thing?”
A man (again, maybe?) stood next to the cage, not bothered by the monster inside. From his feet up he just looked odd, even to a Bat, who was used to dealing with Gotham freaks. He wore no shoes and had metal splints on his shins. He sported bikini shorts that didn’t leave enough to the imagination and a bright Hawaiian shirt that was open to show his bare chest with odd surgical scars. Delicate sunglasses balanced on his metal nose, hiding his eyes. His chin had three points and his hair, for goodness sake, was pale blue and shaped like a skyscraper; in fact it looked like the Wayne Industries building for some reason. Finally, his arms, which Barbra had trouble accepting. She tried rubbing her eyes again; still didn’t work. The man-thing had huge, spherical, red shoulders that said “BF 37” and blue, box shaped forearms ending in huge robotic hands that had little robotic hands that came out of the palms that he was using to nudge up his ridiculous sunglasses. She got a look at his eyes for a second, it looked like he had mascara on, or maybe he had better eyelashes than her.
“Oh my gosh!” Robin exclaimed, elbowing her again. “Isn’t he cool?”
Batgirl looked at her partner in surprise. “What?”
Robin turned to her with, no joke, stars in his eyes. “The robot! He’s awesome. Come on, let’s go talk to him!”
Before Batgirl could object, he swung down to the odd ship, landing right in front of the monstrosity. Barbra sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. A little calmer, she joined her partner; she needed to have his back after all.
“Ow! What do we have here?” the thing asked. It posed with its arms over its head, displaying a painted star and making the clanging noise they heard earlier. “You’re not going to try and steal the Sunny to, are you?”
“Great, just what I needed, the mini bats,” Croc grumbled from his cage. “Hey, can you get me out of here? Even jail’d be better than this.”
“What in the world are you?” Batgirl asked before she could stop herself. A costumed vigilante should have more control than that. She took a deep breath to try and center herself.
“I’m a cyborg, little sister, a SUPAH cyborg” it/he answered. “Cyborg Franky of the Strawhat Pirates. Ow! Yeah!” He shouted and posed again, arching over like he was stretching his side.
“So cool!” Robin whispered.
“You want to see cool?” Franky asked. He bent down to Robin’s level. “Push my nose for three seconds.”
Robin reached up and did as he was bid. They counted in sync and at three, Franky’s hair bushed out like an afro. Robin squeaked and fell backward as Franky laughed. “Gotcha, little man,” he said good naturedly as he put his hair back in order. This time it looked like the Gotham Clock Tower when he was done. “SUPAH!”
“What are you doing here? Why is Killer Croc in a cage? How did you get here? What are your intentions?” Batgirl pushed, trying to sound as much like a Bat as possible. With her partner out of commission, he still had stars in his eyes, she was responsible for Gotham.
Franky laughed and patted her head. “Chill, little sister. I was in my workshop when a freak storm blew up out of nowhere. By the time I got on deck, my crew was blown off and the Sunny was falling into the middle of a big city. I used the coup-de-burst to blast the ship toward the river here. As I was flying, I saw the coolest buildings, all of them lit up bright. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes,” he started sobbing and promised that he wasn’t crying. It took a few minutes, and a short song about a man’s heart and stars on the ground before he was ready to continue; Batgirl tried not to fidget. “Once I made it to the water, I found a place to dock and was attacked by this fishman, who wanted to steal my ship! Can you believe that? Nothing could make me part from the Thousand Sunny, we were only just reunited after two long years.” He started crying again.
“I keep telling you I’m not a fishman, I’m Killer Croc,” the reptile man shouted, banging on the bars of his cage.
“Really?” Franky said with a shrug, eyes suddenly dry. “Too bad, I like fishmen as a general rule, though there are exceptions like the New Fishman Pirates, but we put them in their place. My mentor was a fishman and a great man who believed in living with ‘gusto!’ Anyway, I knocked him out and built a cage until I could figure out what to do. I need to find my crew, but I can’t leave the Sunny undefended. You understand, right, little sis and little bro?”
“Of course,” Robin agreed, nodding like crazy. He still had stars in his eyes.
Batgirl just sighed. “Maybe we can help?” she offered tentatively. She thought he was Arkam level crazy, but he seemed nice enough and he did capture Croc for them; assuming he let them take him into custody. She wasn’t sure yet since he had introduced himself as a pirate.
“Yeah, definitely,” Robin cried happily. “Batman could help and I’m sure Commissioner Gordon will be happy once you give him Croc.” He looked to Batgirl for confirmation, and while she didn’t appreciate him possibly compromising her identity, she did agree with him. She smiled and nodded encouragingly. Maybe a trade would ensure that Franky didn’t team up with Croc against the law-enforcers.
“Oh,” Franky cried, with tears pouring down his eyes. “Thank you so much; I was worried I would be alone in this new world and to meet such nice people as yourselves… I’m not crying, I’m not!”
“Let me check-in with Batman,” Batgirl sighed, leaving Robin to deal with the overly emotional cyborg.
“Batman, this is Batgirl,” she said into her communicator once she had a little distance.
“Yes, Batgirl?” the gruff voice answered.
“We have a situation,” she began, taking a moment to figure out what to say. She didn’t want to sound like a crazy person, but this here? This was just insane.
“Did you find Killer Croc?”
“Yes, but we found something else to,” she tried again, but couldn’t find the words to explain as she watched Franky teach Robin a dance that involved way too much hip thrusting. Robin was really getting into it.
“Don’t touch that!” Batman shouted, making her jump.
“What?” Barbra asked, kind of annoyed. What did she do?
“Not you, Batgirl. Let me guess, you found a pirate,” Batman offered; his voice heavy with unusual exhaustion.
“How’d you know? He’s a cyborg and he’s with his ship,” she explained in a rush.
“Good, that makes things easier. What about Croc?” As usual, Batman didn’t explain anything. It was so frustrating, but she let it go this time.
“He’s in a cage the cyborg built when Croc tried to commandeer the pirate ship.” She groaned. “Batman, what do I do? Robin really likes this guy.”
“It will be fine, Batgirl,” Batman said, surprisingly understanding. “The signal is lit, so I’m heading to police headquarters now. I’ll have Jim send someone to pick up Croc. Check back with me at that point and we’ll see where to proceed from there.” Batman’s voice was suddenly cut off and came back to him snarling at some one. “Stop touching buttons in my car!” In the background, Barbra could hear someone whining.
“Are you okay, Batman?” she asked, carefully.
“Yes, I just have my own pirate to deal with. Nightwing is heading to the manor with his and to get the one that Alfred found. I want them out of my city,” he grunted.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Batgirl agreed, as she watched the bizarre Franky lead Robin and somehow Killer Croc in his weird dance. “I couldn’t agree more.”

Chapter Text

Batman-

Even before he started patrol, Batman knew it was going to be a long night. He had planned to find Killer Croc but several calls to 911 about people falling from the sky convinced him to send Batgirl and Robin to search the docks in his stead, even if it annoyed Batgirl. His main concern was if Joker had released a hallucinogen when he heard the call about a sailing ship. The clown had been unusually quiet since Batman destroyed his last hideout, and he wouldn’t put it past the maniac.
Batman couldn’t find anything as he drove along Gotham’s streets and that made him nervous. Perhaps he needed another perspective. He parked in an alley and prepared to grapple to the roof. This was one of the older parts of Gotham with tall buildings and gargoyles on every ledge corner, perfect for getting a better lay of the land.
A quick grapple later, Batman was following a high ledge around to his favorite lookout point. It had great sight lines following a couple major streets and when the weather was just right and the moon was high, he could even see the water. However, this time he found his spot taken by a young man in an open red shirt and jean shorts. He wore sandals on his feet which were dangling on either side of the gargoyle’s head with blatant disregard for the dangers of gravity. His most distinguishing features that Batman could make out so far were a yellow sash around his waist and a straw hat on his head. Not a local, Batman deduced easily.
“Hi!” the boy said cheerfully without looking at the Dark Knight. “You can’t have my special seat.”
Batman was taken aback for a second but he didn’t let it show. “What are you doing here?” he asked gruffly. How the boy had gotten up here; this level didn’t have windows that opened out to the ledge?
“I dunno,” the boy said with a shrug. He continued staring out at the city.
“What do you mean?” Batman asked again, losing patience.
“I lost my crew,” was the answer, which didn’t clear up anything. Batman waited for him to continue. The boy finally turned his head to look at him. He had a scar under one eye that looked like it had healed badly years ago, possible evidence of child abuse. “There are too many people for my Haki to locate them so I came up here to try. It’s not working though.” He shrugged again and turned back to look at the city. “They’ll be okay though. We’ve all gotten much stronger so I trust them.”
“Who are you?” Batman continued to question. Obviously the boy wasn’t normal but until Batman was sure he wasn’t a threat, he would continue to push until he got answers.
The boy jumped to his feet, balancing on the edge. He held his hat to his head and bowed. “I’m Monkey D. Luffy and I’m going to be king of the pirates,” he said with a cheerful grin that seemed almost too wide for his face. Now that he was facing Batman, a large “x” shaped scar could be seen on his chest. Based on the scarring, it probably happened two years ago. Batman wondered how a boy so young could have an old wound like that.
“You need to get down,” Batman ordered. “It’s not safe up here.”
“Then why are you here?” Luffy asked.
“Just get down.”
“Okay,” Luffy said with a grin and a shrug and jumped off the edge.
Batman watched with horror as the boy fell. Batman dove after the boy, pulling out his grappling hook. He waited to the last second to catch himself but even so he couldn’t catch the boy. He watched with a sick feeling as the poor boy hit the ground… and bounced? Batman swung to the ground and looked at Luffy in disbelief. He was sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk, watching Batman with a blank look and no damage at all.
No worse for his fall, Luffy grinned up at the vigilante. “Now what?”
Batman glared but the boy shrugged it off, something he wasn’t used to. Even Superman flinched from the Batglare but this kid just smiled.
“Now, you go home,” Batman said. “And stay off of the rooftops.”
The grin fell off his face. “I can’t,” Luffy said. “I lost my crew, again. They will be fine but I worry and miss them. And I don’t know where my ship is.”
Batman considered his next move. “Pirate King, you said?” he asked.
“Yosh!” Luffy laughed, regaining his cheer. “It’s the man with the most freedom on the sea.”
“Are you going to hurt anyone?”
“No, why would I?”
“Fine,” Batman said. “Be careful, be safe and good luck finding your crew. If you still need help after I’m done patrolling, I will help you.”
“Really?” Luffy exclaimed. “You’re so nice, Batguy.”
Batman hesitated a moment, but a threat from Joker was more pressing than a young man with bouncy (possible rubber) powers. After Joker and Croc were neutralized, then he’d find Luffy again and help him. Now, he focused on returning to his search. He repelled to the roof and looked for the next landing point when he noticed Luffy standing next to him, just watching.
“Hey, Batguy, can you really help me find my nakama?” Luffy asked.
“It’s Batman, and I’m sorry but I don’t have time for this,” Batman said, grappling to the next roof. He ran across several roofs and grappled across an intersection. He figured that he left the poor boy behind him but when he turned around; there Luffy was, still with that grin on his face. After another swing to a neighboring roof top, Batman saw how Luffy was keeping up. He threw his arm up and it stretched so the boy could swing or sling-shot where he wanted to go. Batman was surprised but didn’t let it show. Looked like some type of elastic powers. Luffy seemed pretty in control, but Batman wondered how much use they would be in a fight.
Batman was mid-swing when he saw a disturbance down a side street. Using a second grapple, he changed direction to see what the problem was. Luffy was caught off guard and didn’t pay as careful attention to his surroundings. He missed his grab for a street light and swung himself into a wall. Seeing as the kid survived his earlier fall, Batman turned his attention to the street fight on the street below him. It looked like two gangs, three people on each side. It was the guns that convinced Batman to handle things personally before innocents were caught in the crossfire. He pulled out a batarang and readied himself to jump down, mentally planning his approach, considering the variables. The variable he didn’t consider, however was Luffy landing in the middle of the fight, surprising the gangsters.
“Hi!” the pirate greeted the thugs cheerfully.
The gangsters weren’t impressed. One raised his gun and fired a shot at Luffy before Batman could throw his batarang, though it kept him from firing another. Luffy stepped back and a piece of his shoulder stretched out over a foot before it snapped back, sending the bullet harmlessly into a wall. Batman blinked but didn’t hesitate to leap down to back the kid up. Luffy didn’t seem to need the help however.
“Guns don’t work on me,” he said, more serious than Batman had seen so far. “But I still don’t like people shooting at me.” He swung back an arm which stretched over twice its length before sling it back and punching one of the leaders in the face. A stretched out leg took out three others with a “Rubber Whip” which he shouted out for no reason. A final “Rubber Pistol” brought down the last one.
“What are you?” Batman asked as he handcuffed the thugs for the police to pick up later. Maybe sitting around together would allow these boys to work out their differences peacefully.
“I’m a rubber man.” Luffy pulled out his cheek to an amazing degree and let it snap back in place. “I ate the Gum-Gum fruit.”
“I’ve never heard of a gum-gum fruit,” Batman said as he led the way back to the rooftops.
“Well, I don’t think they have Devil Fruits here, Batguy, at least the man I asked said I was crazy when I asked if he ate the penguin-penguin fruit. He was really funny. He waddled like this.” Luffy walked like Cobblepot for a few feet. “And he gave me food to make me go away so I like him. But his food wasn’t as good as Sanji’s. Sanji’s the best cook on the Grand Line and his dream is to find the All Blue. He’s my cook. My ship is so cool. Anyway, he talks like this: ‘Shitty rubber, did you eat the meat?’” He pulled his hair over one eye and pretended to smoke a cigarette.
“If Sanji is your cook; who’s the captain?”
“I’m the captain, duh,” Luffy said in surprise. “Hey, I like your belt.” He reached out to try and touch it but Batman slapped his hand way. “And your cape. Are you a hero? Heroes wear capes; like Sniperking. He wore a mask to. I liked him but I don’t want to be a hero. I’d have to share my meat.”
Batman tried to follow Luffy’s train of thought with little success. He started to ask another question but an alarm from the manor went off. Bruce trusted Alfred to take care of himself, but he couldn’t help it; he called to check in. Alfred shrugged off his worry with typical British calm and Batman turned back to his current problem. The problem in question was gazing up at the sky with a goofy look on his face, which made Batman think of something.
“Luffy,” he said to capture the boy’s attention. He was now watching a flashing advertisement with fascination. “Did you fall from the sky?”
“Yeah,” Luffy beamed. “How did you know? Are you a psychic like Madam Sharley?”
“No, but I heard reports of people falling from the sky, which is what I was looking for when I found you.” He considered his options; most obvious seemed to be to help the boy find his friends (loose translation of nakama, a Japanese word). Batman decided, “Luffy, I’ll help you find your crew now.”
“Yay!” Luffy shouted happily and promptly collapsed. He giggled, it sounded like “shi, shi, shi.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m hungry, Batguy. I was so worried that I forgot but now that you’re helping me, I’m sooo hungry,” Luffy groaned. “Do you have any meat in your belt?”
“No, you can eat later. And I’m Batman,” he corrected again and smacked Luffy’s hands away from his belt again. The kid couldn’t keep his hands to himself and his rubber arms kept Batman guessing about which direction he was coming from.
“But I’m hungry now!” Luffy whined. “Sanji, food!”
“Your friend isn’t here,” Batman argued. He looked down the street. There was a deli that was open late. “How about we get something from there, they have meat.”
“Yosh!” Luffy jumped up and grabbing Batman’s arm in a surprisingly strong grip, he dragged the vigilante all the way to the deli, including jumping off the roof which surprisingly resulted in no broken bones for either of them.
While Luffy ordered what sounded like half the deli’s inventory, Batman got a call from Nightwing. Bruce knew Nightwing would be out patrolling tonight since Dick had to make an appearance at a charity function Bruce Wayne sponsored, but he was surprised to get a call from his former protégé.
“Hey, Bats, I’ve got a situation,” Nightwing said over the com.
“Yes?” Batman answered, watching with dismay amount of meat the boy pirate was ordering.
“I found a young man who is looking for his friends, says he’s a pirate,” Nightwing said in a rush, like he expected Batman to not believe him. “I know it sounds crazy but this guy is pretty strong and he saved a woman from a mugger.”
“What’s his name?”
“Sanji.” Nightwing sounded a little more hopeful since Batman didn’t ignore his request. He has always been easy to read.
“Good. Just a minute.” Batman turned off the call from Nightwing to pay for Luffy’s dinner. The boy was lucky that he carried enough cash, it wasn’t like he could use Bruce Wayne’s credit card. They went to the roof across the street so Luffy could eat and Batman could talk to Nightwing.
“Are you still there?” Batman asked into his com.
“Yeah and still with a pirate,” Nightwing joked.
“Well, I found Luffy. Apparently Sanji is the ship’s cook,” Batman sighed. This sounded crazy even for them. Beside him, Luffy perked up and started to pay attention. Apparently he had already eaten the ten pounds worth of deli meat that he called a sandwich. “I want you to go check on Alfred. I’ve just got a feeling that the manor’s alarm is connected to this. Afterwards, join back up with me. If we can round up all of these pirates maybe we can limit the damage.” With everything happening tonight, he wasn’t taking chances with his closest friend’s safety.
“Gotcha, I got the manor’s alert to. Alfred seemed fine, but better safe than sorry I guess. Man, what a weird night,” Nightwing laughed and signed off.
You have no idea, thought Batman. Meanwhile, Luffy was looking at him suspiciously, which was a little unnerving.
“Who were you talking to, Batguy?” he asked with a head tilt that made him look like a puppy.
“Nightwing, one of my nakama,” Batman said, figuring it was a simpler explanation than estranged ward/protégé. “He found your cook. We’ll meet up with him later.”
“Yay!” Luffy shouted. “I hope Sanji has some pirate lunches with lots of meat. I’m hungry.”
“You just ate,” Batman scolded.
“That was just a snack,” Luffy said innocently.
Batman decided to ignore that comment and called the manor next. “What is the situation there?” he asked when Alfred answered. Beside him, Luffy was watching him intently. Batman figured he was up to something.
“I have everything in hand, sir,” the Englishman answered with his usual dignity. “An unexpected guest got lost in the manor and he was just confiding his circumstances to me.”
Another pirate, Batman figured and started to ask a question when Luffy reached for his cowl. “Get off,” Batman growled, trying to keep the boy’s sticky fingers off his face.
On the line, Alfred paused in confusion. “Sorry, sir?”
“Forget it,” Bruce sighed. He stood and walked away from where Luffy was sprawled out on the rooftop, moping. “Is your guest a pirate?” Batman asked quietly, trying not to draw the boy’s attention again.
“Yes, sir, how did you know?” Alfred exclaimed, clearly surprised at Batman’s inside knowledge.
“They seem to be prevalent tonight. Nightwing will be there soon. Don’t let the pirate leave until then.” Batman ordered.
“Yes, sir. We are just sharing a spot of tea.” Well, that was just typically Alfred. The one time the Riddler broke into the Manor, Batman found them in the kitchen drinking “proper English tea.” “It might help to know that he said that there are nine of them,” Alfred continued.
“It will help,” Batman sighed. He considered what eight more pirates like Luffy could do to his poor city. The boy seemed harmless, except there was a gleam in his eye that convinced Batman not to underestimate him and by association, his crew. “Hopefully your charge is less trouble than my own,” Bruce encouraged. Then he noticed Luffy trying to climb into a chimney. “Get down from there!” he shouted at Luffy and told Alfred, “Batman out.” Only after he ended the call did he think to ask Alfred which pirate he had. Maybe Luffy would have been able to explain about him, and he could predict the aftermath of having him in the mansion. Now he’d have to wait until Nightwing got there. In the meantime, Luffy was trying to stick his head in a chimney.
“But it looks like the chimney that Zoro got stuck in that one time. It was so funny,” Luffy explained as Batman dragged him down. “Though I didn’t see it ‘cause I was stuck between buildings and a huge tidal wave was coming but Chopper told me about it.”
“How did he get out?” Batman asked. If Luffy was talking, he was causing less trouble.
“He cut the building in half,” Luffy laughed. “With one hand and his head wedged in the chimney. I wish I had seen that. Though he does stuff like that all the time, so it’s not that bad.”
Batman stared at the boy. How crazy were these people? He needed to get them out of his city as soon as possible.
“Hey, what’s that?” Luffy was easily distracted and seeing the Batsignal light up the sky broke the conversation before Batman could ask about the rest of his crew.
“That is the Batsignal,” Batman explained as he started to make his way back to the alley where he left his car. He’d make better time than running over the roof tops.
“Where are we going?” Luffy asked, keeping up very easily with Batman’s unorthodox route.
“Back to the Batmobile. I need to go to GCPD. That is what the signal means.”
“So cool!” Luffy cried out. “Maybe Franky can build me a signal; it could be the meat signal, for when there is meat for me to eat. Hey, what is that?”
They had reached the Batmobile and with a push of the remote the top opened so Batman could drop into the driver’s seat. “It’s my car,” he answered. “Get in, we have to go.”
“So cool!” Luffy shouted again. “Franky and Ussop would love this.” He jumped in and after Batman glared at him again, sat on his hands. “This is like the shark sub huh? I’m not supposed to touch anything.”
“Exactly,” Batman agreed, not bothering to wonder about what a “shark sub” was. “Do you think you can handle that?”
“Sure,” Luffy grinned good-naturedly; then pointed at the button for the rocket boosters, “What does that do?”
Batman groaned as he slapped Luffy’s hand away. He’d had Harley Quin in this car with fewer problems. Then Batgirl called, as if this wasn’t already complicated enough. He routed the call through his cowl to keep the conversation private and started the car, pulling out of the alley to speed in the general direction of GCPD.
“Batman, this is Batgirl,” the call came in clear through his cowl.
“Yes, Batgirl?” he answered. If they found Killer Croc, Gordon would have to wait. He made a sharp left that made Luffy laugh.
“We have a situation,” she stated to say, hesitant for some reason.
“Did you find Killer Croc?” Batman said as he smacked Luffy’s hand again.
“Yes, but we found something else to,” she said, making him sigh in resignation. Another pirate, he figured. Apparently they were attracted to Bats. He mentally rerouted straight to the police station rather swinging by the docks.
Luffy tried to push the ejector seat button. “Don’t touch that!” Batman scolded, feeling like a parent with a toddler.
“What?” Batgirl snapped back. Batman bit back a sigh.
“Not you, Batgirl. Let me guess, you found a pirate,” Batman offered, suddenly exhausted. This was more than he was prepared to handle. Homicidal clowns, sentient plant monsters, mob bosses he could take but one young pirate made him want to strangle something. He took another corner a little too hard but the g-forces kept Luffy distracted.
“How’d you know? He’s a cyborg and he’s with his ship,” Batgirl continued.
Well, that sounded interesting. Alfred said there were nine, so now he knew were almost half of these pirates were. “Good, that makes things easier. What about Croc?”
“He’s in a cage the cyborg built when Croc tried to commandeer the pirate ship.” She sounded worn out to. The rest of the pirates were probably as crazy as Luffy. “Batman, what do I do? Robin really likes this guy.”
That was an unexpected wrinkle, but not surprising. As frustrating as Luffy was, Batman thought he liked him to. As much as Batman liked anyone, anyway. “It’s fine, Batgirl,” Batman supported her. “The signal is lit, so I’m heading to police headquarters now. I’ll have Jim send someone to pick up Croc.” That would be easiest and Jim would appreciate it. “Check back in at that point and we’ll see where to proceed from there.”
Batman lost connection when Luffy pushed a button to transfer the call to the car’s computer. “Stop touching buttons in my car!” he shouted in frustration as he put the call back in his cowl. He didn’t want to include the boy yet.
“But I want to talk to,” Luffy whined. “And the buttons are so cool. What does this one do?” It made the window roll down. That kept him occupied for a few minutes so Batman could finish talking to Batgirl.
“Are you okay, Batman?” she asked.
“Yes, I have my own pirate to deal with. Nightwing is heading to the manor with his and to get the one that Alfred found. I want them out of my city,” he explained with as much dignity as he could, but he wasn’t sure if it made it to his voice.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Batgirl agreed, making him wonder about her cyborg and what he was doing with Robin. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Batman cut the call with Batgirl as they reached the street behind the police station. He considered leaving Luffy behind to talk to the Commissioner but if he did that he might not have a car left to return to. “Luffy, look at me,” Batman said authoritatively. “I need you to come with me while I talk to Commissioner Gordon. But you have to be quiet and don’t touch anything. After I find out what he needs, we’ll find the rest of your crew. Can you do that for me?”
“Yosh!” Luffy beamed.
Batman decided not to hold his breath. In the rush to get here, keeping Luffy under control and the conversation with Batgirl, he hadn’t had time to see what Jim would be calling him for. He usually liked to have an idea before heading to the roof but tonight would just have to be an exception. Luckily, Jim usually had a through folder for him anyway so it should still be quick. Batman glanced at the young pirate beside him. Or not.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: Batman & Gordon

Commissioner Gordon---

Jim Gordon stood of the roof next to the batsignal with a hot coffee and pursued the file that his officers had compiled about the Joker attack on Gotham Concert Hall. It looked like a hostage situation, since no one had been able to get out except for the young man working the ticket counter. He said that Joker had come in, guns waving with a laughing skeleton at his heels, and sealed all the exits. No casualties yet, but with the Joker it was probably only a matter of time.
Taking a sip of his coffee, Gordon admitted that he a little jumpy. Any minute now, Batman would appear like a phantom and startle him. It never failed, not in any encounter with Batman. The caped crusader would appear from the shadows, say his piece and disappear when Jim had his back turned, leaving Gordon talking to an empty room. Every time Gordon swore that this time would be the time that he wasn’t surprised, wasn’t startled, but it still happened every time.
A sound caught his attention, someone talking from the old fire escape on the back of the building. Gordon moved to take a look and was startled again, though for a different reason than normal.
Batman was silently climbing the fire escape, but behind him was a young man in a red vest and a straw hat. The boy was whining about meat and Batman was trying his best to ignore the boy’s tugs on his cape. The dark knight looked up in time to see Jim staring at him and he glared. Jim just saluted him with his mug and moved back so Batman could finish his climb.
“Jim,” Batman greeted once he made the roof. He looked tense, much like Gordon usually felt.
“Batman,” Gordon returned, though most of his attention was on the boy perched on the edge of the roof. “Found another one did you?”
“No,” Batman refuted earnestly, his eyes widening. “This is temporary, very temporary.” He turned to boy. “Get down and stand still,” he ordered but the boy just grinned.
Gordon decided not to ask, it was out of his paygrade. He handed over the file. “Joker has taken over the Gotham Concert Hall. He won’t let any of the patrons leave, but he is letting more in, if anyone is stupid enough to buy a ticket from his grease painted thug.”
“Any casualties?” Batman asked as he skimmed the file.
“Not that we know of,” Gordon admitted. “But it’s only a matter of time. He changed the sign outside to read ‘Deadman’s Life.’ I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Me neither,” Batman agreed. “I’ll head over there to see what I can do.”
“And your friend?”
“Luffy,” Batman said, catching the boy’s attention. He was getting a little close to the batsignal which was making Gordon nervous. “Would you like to help me beat up a clown?” He sounded like he was joking, but it was hard to tell. The boy, Luffy, certainly looked interested.
“Wait,” Gordon asked, several disconnected facts coming together a little too fast. “Luffy, like Straw-hat Luffy?”
“Yosh, that’s me. I’m going to be king of the pirates,” Luffy said, his smile impossibly wide. “Can we really beat up a clown? I beat one up once. His name was Buggy and he messed with my hat. But I think we’re friends now after we broke out of Impel Down.”
“Batman, I have a boy downstairs who says his name is Ussop of the Straw-hat Pirates,” Gordon explained to Batman, completely ignoring the nonsense from Luffy. “He had seed pods that we thought came from Poison Ivy, but he kept up the pirate act. I was going to ask you about it after we dealt with Joker.”
“Ussop?!” Luffy shouted. “Ussop’s here? Awesome, wait till he meets you, Batguy. He never met Sniperking but I bet he’ll like you. Where is he? Where is he, Mr. Mustache?”
“Hold on a second, kid,” Gordon backpedaled. He turned to Batman in desperation, “Batguy, I mean, Batman, is this a good idea? One of those plants ate a police cruiser.”
“It will be fine, Jim.” Batman ran a hand over his face. “I seem to be collecting pirates tonight. Just bring him up and I’ll take them to the concert hall. Nightwing has two with him and Batgirl and Robin have another at the docks.”
“What?” Gordon exclaimed. “How many are there?”
“Nine,” Batman stated. “One last thing: send some officers to pick up Killer Croc. According to Batgirl, one of the pirates has him in a cage.”
“Just when I thought Gotham couldn’t surprise me anymore,” Gordon complained. He turned to head down the stairs to retrieve Ussop. “Are you sure about this?” he had to ask before he left.
“No,” was all Batman had to say. Gordon sighed and went inside. Bullock was not going to like this.

Batman---

Batman watched his friend leave with very little remorse. He hated making Jim’s job harder but honestly, this Ussop couldn’t be worse than Luffy. Speaking of which, Luffy was bouncing excitedly in place, chanting his friend’s name. At least he wasn’t trying to mess with the search light anymore. Turning most of his attention back to the slim file (he kept an eye on Luffy in case his attention wandered again), it didn’t have much. Joker moved into the concert hall, taking the patrons hostage and was setting up like he was going to put on a show. He even started selling tickets. But it was the part about the skeleton that had him confused. Where would Joker have found a living skeleton? Batman looked over at Luffy. A talking skeleton was probably as unlikely as a rubber pirate.
Before he could continue that line of thought, Jim was back with the newest pirate. Ussop was a strapping young man with outlandish clothes and a long nose. He looked like Pinocchio after he told a lie. He was carrying a bulging shoulder bag and a large slingshot. Jim looked drained as he led the boy onto the roof. Batman steeled himself for the inevitable ruckus.
“Ussop!” Luffy cheered and tackled his friend in a mass of stretchy limbs, knocking them both to the ground. Ussop squealed like a girl before he figured out what happened and started to laugh. The boys rolled on the ground a little, laughing like a pair of hyenas before they finally calmed down. Batman tried not to wince.
Jim came over to stand by Batman, watching the display with barely disguised humor. “Well, I guess that answers my question,” he said and smacked Batman on the shoulder. “He’s your problem now.”
“Thanks,” Batman acknowledged dryly.
“Batguy, this is Ussop. He’s my sniper,” Luffy spouted, dragging Ussop over toward the men. “Ussop, this is Batguy. He’s a hero, like Sniperking. I know he’s a hero because he shared his meat and he said he’d help and he doesn’t like guns either and he has a cool car and he gave me a snack.”
Ussop puffed up his chest but one look from Batman had him cowering behind his friend. “Nice to meet you?” Ussop whimpered over Luffy’s shoulder.
Batman nodded, trying not the scare the poor kid too much. Luffy didn’t seem to notice, but Batman wondered if he just didn’t care. The kid seemed more astute then he expected, especially about how he felt about guns, considering he never said anything about it. He wondered if he had been underestimating the hyperactive pirate.
Pirates reunited and introductions made, Batman turned to Jim to ask more about the skeleton in the report when Luffy suddenly went stiff, staring into the shadows by the batsignal. Batman’s hand went immediately to his belt, prepared for almost anything. He and Gordon turned to where Luffy was looking, trying to see into the shadows. Then Luffy broke into a huge grin and started tapping Ussop’s shoulder excitedly. Ussop seemed tense and didn’t try to pull away from his crazy captain.
“Is this a private party, boys, or may anyone join?” asked Catwoman as she stepped into the light.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11-Catwoman, Batman, & Gordon

Catwoman-

When Nami and Catwoman reached the police department, Nami wanted to scope the place out first. She was surprisingly cautious for a pirate; Selena liked that even if it chaffed a little. They watched Gordon wait beside Batsignal from the roof across the street. Selena ignored the cop for the most part. She stared up at the bat symbol in the clouds, thinking about the man it represented. Batman was like catnip to her and she couldn’t seem to stay away.
“Who’s that?” the pirate asked, pointing at the older man.
“Commissioner Jim Gordon of the Gotham City Police,” Catwoman explained. “But he’s not the one we’re here for. Let’s wait until Batman shows himself.” She stretched out on the edge, lounging like a cat in a sun beam, waiting for something to happen.
“Police are not really my favorite people,” Nami shivered. “How will I tell if Batman show’s up?”
“He’s kind of hard to miss,” Catwoman laughed. “He’s tall, dark, and handsome. Plus he’ll be the man wearing a cape and cowl with poiny ears.”
“Sounds like an interesting man,” Nami said. “And he’ll help me?”
“Of course. The man is a hero, he can’t help himself. However he has no tolerance for crime, so remember to keep quiet about being a pirate.”
Across the street, Batman appeared over the edge of the roof and started talking to Gordon. Beside her, Nami snorted. Catwoman shot her companion a look of confusion.
“I won’t need to hide that I’m a pirate, Catwoman,” Nami explained, pointing across as the third figure on the roof. “That is my captain and he can’t lie to save his life. He probably introduced himself as the ‘the man who will be king of the pirates.’ He’s so hopeless sometimes.”
“You have to be joking,” Selena teased and nudged her new friend. Nami just shook her head. “Seriously? Wow, why do you follow him?” She would never follow a fool like that; she walked alone.
“Luffy isn’t easy to explain. He’s the captain, that all we need to know,” Nami shrugged. “Are we ready to break up their party?”
“Of course,” Catwoman said as she reached for her whip. “Cover us again and I’ll come out first. You follow once we’re sure it’s safe.” She winked. “Can’t let me new friend get arrested.”
“I’m a pirate, safe doesn’t really come into it.”
By the time they made it to the roof, there was another man with a hilariously long nose that seemed connected the mysterious Luffy. What did Nami see in these boys? They looked like kids. Nothing like the hunk of Bat that was talking to the commissioner, he is much more Selena’s type.
As she stepped into the light, Catwoman asked dramatically, “Is this a private party, boys, or may anyone join?”
Batman glared at her. She preened under his attention before turning to the other men on the roof. The young man in the straw hat who was bouncing with excitement. The other boy was hiding behind the first. Gordon looked like he had a headache.
“Luffy, I presume?” Catwoman slinked over the boy. Up close, he wasn’t so bad; kinda cute even.
“That’s me!” Luffy exclaimed. “Did Nami tell you that I’ll be king of the pirates?”
“Nami?” the long nose boy asked. He looked around in confusion.
“Yeah, she’s hiding over there,” Luffy whispered loudly. “Maybe she’s scared of Batguy like you were. Oy, Nami! Batguy is cool, he’s a hero like Sniperking,” he shouted. Catwoman sighed and waved Nami over.
They had lost a lot of their dramatic effect thanks to Luffy but it still made Gordon gasp when Nami stepped out, cancelling out her mirage. “Luffy, can’t you ever stay out of trouble?”
“Shi shi shi, nope,” he snickered.
Leaving her friend to reconnect with her crewmates, Catwoman joined the adults. “So handsome,” she purred, sliding up to Batman, “how did you find your pirate?”
“Ussop was picked up when his giant plant ate a cruiser,” Gordon offered. “Did you meet yours while breaking and entering?” He sounded very judgmental, which rubbed her the wrong way, but she would take the highroad, even if she wished she could scratch his face.
“No, in an alley after she defended herself from a mugger,” she threw over her shoulder, all her attention on Batman. She looked up expectantly at him, waiting for him to answer her question. She didn’t really care where he found Luffy, but she wanted his attention.
“Rooftop,” Batman answered succinctly. When Selena didn’t back off, he sighed. “He kept following me until I agreed to help him find his crew.”
“My hero,” Selena whispered into his ear, running her hands over the bat symbol on his chest.
“Selena,” Batman interrupted. He took her hands and held them away from him. “Not now.”
“Fine, big boy,” Catwoman pulled back. “How do we help our new friends?”
“We?” Gordan snapped in surprise.
“Yes, we,” Catwoman hissed. “I won’t leave my friend until I’m sure she’s found all of her crew.” She looked over at Nami to see how that declaration was received. She wasn’t usually a people person but she saw so much of herself in Nami that she couldn’t help it. She shouldn’t have worried that Nami wouldn’t feel that same.
“Thank you, Catwoman,” Nami squealed, stepping up to hug the older woman. Luffy apparently decided he wanted to be included because he tackled the women in a hug that wrapped around them several times. Catwoman would never admit that she squeaked in alarm. “Rubber man,” Nami explained in a whisper. Selena didn’t know what that meant, but apparently this was normal to Nami so she’d take it in stride as well. Or try to. She flinched as she watched Luffy’s arm’s snap back to normal. Then he just stood there like he hadn’t just stretched his arms like taffy.
“Joker took over a concert hall with a living skeleton,” Batman said, not acknowledging any of the drama before him. Selena wished she had his poise. “Do you know anything about that?”
“That’s my musician!” Luffy shouted, jumping away from Nami and Catwomen and leaving them sprawled on the roof. “He’s got an afro and he’s a skeleton and he knows Laboon and he knows ‘Bink’s Sake’ and…”
“Luffy, he gets the idea,” Nami said, smacking her captain’s head.
“So, we need to get these pirates to this skeleton and maybe that will keep Joker from doing anything drastic,” Gordon interrupted.
“What do you mean, drastic?” Ussop asked. He seemed to have finally grown a spine. It was about time, Catwoman thought.
“Joker is a mad man. He could kill everyone in that concert,” Batman said grimly.
All of the pirates looked at each other and laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Catwoman complained. She knew Joker and she wouldn’t underestimate him. He was dangerous.
“Taking over a concert hall? Brook probably wanted an audience,” Ussop explained with a shrug.
“He’s become a big name in our world, a super star,” Nami added. “He’s such a showboat.”
“So?” Gordon snapped. “Your friend is with the Joker. He is completely unpredictable and dangerous.”
Luffy laughed and put his foot down. “Nope, doesn’t matter. Brook would never let someone hurt his audience. No more than Chopper could hurt a patient or Sanji let someone go hungry. He’s my musician and I trust him.”
“Well said, Luffy,” Nami said affectionately. She ruffled his hair and Ussop stood taller with a big grin on his face. “We’re not normal pirates, Batman, Catwoman. We try not to hurt people, we just want to follow our dreams and we don’t let anything stop us.”
“Not even a psychotic clown,” Ussop added with his finger up like he thought he was contributing. Selena rolled her eyes. Nami caught her look and giggled.
Batman studied the pirates, his gaze heavy, making even Catwoman uncomfortable and she wasn’t even the focus. Luffy never flinched and Nami looked unimpressed. Ussop hid behind his shorter captain. “Fine, I’ll tell Nightwing to meet us outside of the concert hall. He’ll be bringing two more pirates,” Batman finally said.
“Who?” asked Nami.
“I only know of Sanji,” Batman admitted, which was interesting.
Selena had to hide a smile because it was obvious that Luffy was distracting enough that Batman didn’t know everything tonight. That was a good thing for Catwoman and Nami since it meant that he’d probably never know about their heist. It wasn’t like a drug lord would fill out a police report.
“I hope the other isn’t Zoro,” Ussop laughed, bringing her attention back to the present.
“Shi, shi, shi, shi,” Luffy giggled. “Yeah, those two could destroy the city.”
“This is going to be a long night,” Gordon groaned.
Though she agreed with Gordon, Catwoman laughed behind her hand. This was going to be a great night.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11 - Nightwing & Alfred Pennyworth

Nightwing--

Nightwing pulled his bike up in front of Wayne Manor. Sanji sat behind him, leaning back so he wouldn’t have to cling to Nightwing. Honestly it was impressive, considering how fast they went to get there, that he never had to grab on for balance. Nightwing leaped off his bike with his signature flair and Sanji dismounted with quiet poise.
“Before we go in,” Nightwing said sternly. He put his hand out, stopping the blond pirate from walking up to the gate. “This house belongs to a very good friend and no one can know that. My identity is a highly guarded secret.”
“Don’t worry,” Sanji shrugged. “I won’t say anything and I don’t know anyone anyway. Your secret is safe with me.”
“It better be,” Nightwing sighed as he led the way to his childhood home. He wasn’t used to walking in the front door, especially while dressed as Nightwing. This whole thing had him jumpy but he was worried about Alfred so he put aside his misgivings.
“Nice place,” Sanji said as they walked up the door and Nightwing rang the doorbell.
“It is,” Nightwing agreed but left it at that.
They had to wait for a few minutes but eventually Alfred opened the door for them.
“Master D… Nightwing, good evening. We have been expecting you,” the English butler greeted him warmly. “And your friend? Is he another pirate?”
“Yes, Mr. Pennyworth.” Wow, that felt weird to say. Nightwing almost laughed. “This is Blackleg Sanji, the cook of the Straw-hat Pirates.”
“This way, gentlemen,” Alfred said with only a little smile. He led the way to the kitchen, where a big man with green hair was calmly sipping tea.
“Mr. Roronoa, let me introduce Nightwing and I believe you know the other gentleman.”
“Really Mosshead?!” Sanji exclaimed. “How’d you find your way here?”
“Leave off, Spiral Brow,” Roronoa shouted defensively, coming to his feet. “Where were you? Where are the others?”
“I’ve been looking for the rest of our crew; I bet you were taking nap!” Sanji shouted back. “At least you didn’t cut this house like you cut that ship.”
“Shut up, pervert cook, before I cut you,” the swordsman yelled, pulling out a katana. He still had two in his belt.
“Both of you sit down,” Alfred ordered. Nighwing watched with surprise as both pirates abruptly sat down, though they were still glaring at each other with enough heat to cause sparks. “There, much better. Let me get a couple more cups of tea.”
Alfred returned to the stove. Nightwing joined the pirates at the table and studied them. Sanji, he was starting to get to know but this new pirate was a puzzle. He certainly looked more like a pirate with his swords and scars but he was polite and attentive to Alfred even as he argued with his crewmate.
“Master Nightwing, are you hungry or will you be running off right away?” Alfred asked as he set the cups of tea on the table.
“I think we can take a minute for your amazing food, Mr. Pennyworth,” Nightwing agreed. “We need to wait to hear from Batman anyway.”
“As you wish,” Alfred turned to make something and Sanji jumped to his feet. Nightwing tensed in his chair, ready to intervene if he needed to.
“No, we are guests,” Sanji said gently as he guided Alfred into a chair. “Let me make something for you and Nightwing as thanks for your hospitality.” He glanced over at his crewmate. “I’ll even make something for the walking plant.”
Alfred looked over at Roronoa who shrugged. “Let the ero-cook do his thing. You won’t regret it and it’ll shut him up,”
“Aww, Marimo,” Sanji gushed teasingly. “That might be the nicest thing you ever said to me.”
“And I already regret it,” Roronoa said, rising to his feet. “Call me when the food is ready, I need to train.”
“Go with him, Nightwing,” Alfred said, surprisingly not arguing. Maybe he was worried about his kitchen if a fight broke out. “I’ll stay with Mr. Sanji.”
Nightwing shrugged and followed the pirate out the door. “Wait up and I’ll show you where the gym it,” he called out to man who was already halfway down the hall.
The man stopped and waited for Nightwing to catch up, his arms crossed over his scarred chest. Luckily the gym was on this floor, and it only took them a minute to get there, even though the pirate tried to turn around at one point.
In the gym, the swordsman looked round a minute before approaching the free weights. He picked up the biggest weight Bruce had and dropped it with a disappointed look on his face.
“Do you have anything heavier?” he asked. “I can’t train with these.”
“I don’t think so, Mr. Roronoa,” Nightwing said with a shrug. He looked at the weight in surprise, it was 500 pounds. How much did the guy usually lift?
“Call me Zoro,” the swordsman said. He was looking around for another option.
“Okay, Zoro.” He looked around for something else for the man to use. He noticed stack of bamboo practice swords, called shinai, in the corner. He knew he wasn’t a swordsman, but as Nightwing, he was adaptable. Maybe it could work. “How about a match?” he asked, pointing at the shinai.
Zoro followed his gesture and smiled, but it wasn’t a nice smile, more feral than Dick was comfortable with. Still, the pirate nodded and moved to the mat and started to remove his katana and over coat. Man, the guy had muscles. He could probably put Bane on his back. And that scar, Dick didn’t want to think about how much that must have hurt or how he got it. Or who gave it to him. It was better not to think about it.
“You’re not a swordsman,” Zoro said as Nightwing tossed him a shinai.
“Nope,” the hero agreed, but he took the proper stance since he had taken lessons. Bruce had insisted.
“But you are a fighter,” Zoro said approvingly as he copied the stance.
“You could say that,” Nightwing agreed.
Zoro raised an eyebrow and attacked. The first clash flung Nightwing’s weapon across the room and left him with a numb hand. Impressed, he retrieved the shinai and took his stance again. This time it took three hits to knock the weapon out of his hand. Zoro was grinning again and Nightwing gulped. After Dick got feeling in his hand again, they tried again and they clashed for over half a dozen blows before Nightwing was disarmed and on his back.
“Not bad for a beginner. Luffy couldn’t do that,” Zoro said, helping him up.
“That’s your captain right?” Nightwing asked. He located his practice sword but didn’t pick it up yet. “Are you saying you’re stronger than your captain?”
“No, I’m saying he can’t fight with a sword. He has his own style, just like I do, or that stupid cook.” He walked over and picked up Nightwing’s shinai and another from the stack. “I use the three-sword style.”
Nightwing was confused. First, that was his weapon. Second, how can he hold three swords and fight? Third, what was he talking about? “What are you talking about?” he finally asked.
Zoro snorted. “You’re good and you’re a fast learner, but you’re not a swordsman. What is your style?”
“Oh, so this is a ‘I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours’ thing?” Nightwing said, comprehension dawning. He picked up his Escrima sticks. “Sounds fair.”
Zoro nodded and put one of the shinai in his mouth and crouched in a fighting stance. Nightwing tried not to laugh and put up his arms in a defensive position. “That can’t taste very good,” he bantered.
Zoro grinned around the hilt and flung himself forward. It was on. No longer weighed down by an unfamiliar weapon and style, Nightwing held his own against the pirate, mostly by making sure that the bigger man couldn’t land a hit. Batman had taught him how to fight a stronger opponent and he had lots of practice. He flipped and dodged and deflected all of Zoro’s moves. The sword in the mouth was the hardest to compensate for since he wasn’t sure how to predict it. At first he thought it would be a weak point, a quick disarm, but Zoro’s mouth was like a vise and even a direct hit didn’t make him flinch. It didn’t take long for them to move off the mats, and Nightwing led the pirate into the gymnastics gear. He figured he’d have the advantage there, and he did until Zoro cut the balance beam in half. Then they were both brought out of the fight by a shrill whistle.
“Shitty moss head, don’t break their stuff,” Sanji cursed from the door. “Come on, food’s ready.”
Nightwing stared at the balance beam, which had been sheered cleanly in half. “How the heck did you do that? Those are practice swords!”
“I can cut anything,” Zoro said dismissively. “That was fun. We should do that again.”
“No, you muscle head,” Sanji snapped. “No fighting in the mansion, no sparring with our allies, and no cutting shit in half.” It would have been a more believable lecture if Sanji wasn’t trying to kick Zoro in the head as he said it.
“Make me, cook,” Zoro growled.
He had put his coat and swords back on, but now he drew two swords. One he barely brought up in time to block a hit from Sanji’s foot. This devolved into a sparring match with much more room than their aborted attack in the kitchen. Nightwing watched in awe as the two pirates really went at each other. As an outsider, it looked like they were trying to kill each other. Every kick from Sanji was strong enough to break stone and every slash from Zoro made the air whistle. Yet, neither landed any hits nor moved more than a few feet in any direction. It was amazing, but when Sanji’s leg started to burn and Zoro had drawn his third katana, it was time to stop. Luckily, Alfred came to the same conclusion.
“Gentlemen, the food is getting cold,” the butler said politely. He clapped his hands twice and the sound echoed in the big room as the pirates separated. “Come now.” Alfred walked over and took Zoro’s arm and led him out of the gym. “Can’t have you getting lost,” he explained while Zoro moped.
Sanji snickered as he lit a cigarettes. “The lout likes you,” Sanji said around a puff of smoke.
“How can you tell?” Nightwing asked, unsure where that came from.
“He was getting serious,” Sanji shrugged. “I like your style, maybe later you and I could have a go.”
“I think you guys are trying to kill me,” Dick joked as they walked into the kitchen. There was a whole spread laid out, way more than the little snack he was expecting. “Whoa! When did you have the time to make all this?”
“Mr. Blackleg is very talented,” Alfred said as he sat down. Zoro was already digging in and Nightwing hurried to follow his example. “He even taught me a few tricks.”
“I want your recipe for orange cranberry scones, though,” Sanji interjected. “You promised.”
“So I did,” Alfred agreed as he served himself.
They were halfway through the meal when Batman finally called. Nightwing swallowed a mouthful of excellent roasted fish, which he usually wasn’t fond of, and answered.
“Nightwing, do you have the pirates with you?” Batman asked.
“Yes, sir. Blackleg Sanji and Roronoa Zoro are here.”
A new voice came over the receiver. It sounded young and very excited. “Zoro’s there? Cool, did he get lost? What about Sanji? Can he make me a lunch box? A Pirate Lunchbox with lots of meat and no veggies! Sanji, can you hear me? Food!” The voice was yelling loud enough that everyone at the table could hear him over the phone.
Nightwing sighed and put it on speaker so everyone could join the conversation. Sanji looked at him for permission before speaking. “Yes, Luffy, I’ll make you a lunchbox. Are you okay? Did you find any of the others?”
“I didn’t get lost,” Zoro mumbled.
“Yosh! I met Batguy and he said he’d help me after I beat up these guys with guns and he took me to meet Mr. Mustache who had Ussop in custard and then the cat-lady showed up with Nami and Batguy says he knows where Franky and the Sunny are and something about a croc which I hope isn’t Sand Croc but I don’t know if we’re still enemies but I still don’t like him because he made Vivi cry. Oh and we’re going to Brook’s concert with a clown,” Luffy explained (Seriously that is the captain for these two powerhouses? This was such a weird pirate crew)
“Did you understand any of that?” Alfred asked, a little overwhelmed. Nightwing nodded in agreement. He couldn’t fathom any of that. It was like talking to a toddler, a toddler on a sugar high.
“That’s just Luffy,” Zoro dismissed their concern. “Luffy, what do you need from us?”
“Batguy?” Luffy must have turned away because his voice drifted slightly. “Batguy says bring Nightwing to the concert. It’ll be fun! If Brook’s putting on a concert I bet the others will come to.”
“Luffy, you take care of Nami. You hear me? Take care of Nami!” Sanji yelled into the phone.
“Shihihih, yosh,” Luffy laughed. “Bye.”
“Nightwing, are you still there?” Batman asked.
“Yes, what was that?” Nightwing asked, bewildered.
“Luffy,” Batman answered. “Now you know what I’ve been dealing with tonight. Bring your pirates to the Concert Hall. Joker and one of the pirates have taken it hostage and started selling tickets. There was also a sighting of Poison Ivy in the area, so be careful.”
“You got it,” Nightwing agreed. “He’s selling tickets?”
“Don’t ask. Just meet us there. I have three pirates, Commissioner Gordon and Catwoman with me,” and he was gone and Nightwing just stared at the phone. He looked up at Alfred, looking for a little guidance from his old caretaker.
“It sounds like you will have a full night, Master Nightwing. Allow Mr. Blackleg and myself to prepare some leftovers for you to take along. I’m sure Batman and Commissioner Gordon will be as hungry as pirates.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 13-Joker #2

Across the street from the Gotham Concert Hall, Joker stood triumphantly, humming to himself. He grinned at his compatriots. “See there! It’s perfect.” He swept his arm in a grand gesture. “H.M.S. Pinnafor, on tonight only. Now normally I wouldn’t interfere with Gilbert and Sullivan, I mean they are classic, but I think this is just too good an opportunity to miss.”
Leaning nonchalantly on his cane, Brook nodded. “While I have never heard of Gilbert and Sullivan, I agree that this would be a perfect venue for a SoulKing concert. Yo ho ho ho. What is the show about?”
“It’s a comedic opera about social classes set aboard a Navy vessel. As you are a pirate, I thought it was appropriate,” Joker explained.
“Gee boss, I didn’t know you were so cultured,” one of the goons said. Joker spun around to glare at him.
“Yo ho ho ho, how fitting! It tickles my funny bone.” Brook laughed heartily before returning to business. “How do you plan to commandeer the performance?”
Joker just grinned and winked, not wanting to spoil the surprise. He led the way back around the place to the service entrance. While one of his goons forced the lock, the other handed out the machine guns. Brook watched with apparent curiosity. Joker wondered if had ever seen a weapon like this and wasn’t insulted when the skeleton refused the gun they brought for him. They quickly made their way back stage and while they listened to the sailors sing, Joker explained the plan.
“First, I need you two to stand at the exits. No one leaves, understand?” The thugs nodded quickly. “Then I take the stage. I’ll take control of the stage. I’ll mow down anyone who tries to interfere. Then once we are in charge, I will introduce the new star, you!”
“Sounds simple,” Brook said carefully, clearly not convinced.
“What about the cops, boss?” Thug #1 asked. “And security?”
“That’s why we have the guns, you buffoon,” Joker snarled. He was not going to let anything mess with this plan. This was going to be a night to remember if he had to blow up the whole place. “Once we have our audience cornered, then we can set up the explosives at the doors. You two will keep watch for the coppers and warn them that if they try anything funny, it’s kablowie.”
Brook sighed and laid a hand on Joker’s shoulder. “My friend,” the skeleton said sadly, bending down so his skull was just inches from Joker’s pale face. “I am a pirate, have been for two life times, so I am well acquainted with violence and death. Do not misunderstand me, I know these things have their place, but I am also a musician and member of Strawhat Luffy’s crew. If you intend to murder,” he said the word with a twist of distaste, “these good people who only want to enjoy a night of music, then, we have a problem.”
Joker considered the skeleton. With no face to read, it was hard to tell what he was thinking, but clearly they were at an impass. Joker never cared about the damage he caused, never thought of the lives he’d taken. But this pirate, this dead skeleton, did. The clown’s first impulse was to be angry and offended by the man’s words. How dare this stranger, this thing, tell him, Joker, clown prince of crime, how to conduct a caper! He’d smash the interloper, crush his bones to dust! But in a typical mood swing, he calmed down. Why not humor the pirate? He was a guest in Joker’s city! People make allowances for guests all the time. In fact it was a challenge, how to take over and hold a whole concert hall with hundreds of people inside without killing anyone? Joker had never done that. Who knows, it might be fun.
“Fine,” Joker said. “We’ll try it a different way.” He pointed at his henchmen, who were staring with wide eyes at Brook. “No killing, no Joker gas, no bombs. We’ll take the stage like I said, then we’ll have to convince them to stay. It might be a while to. We should set the stage for your performance, which means lights, props, smoke machines, the works. We should be able to use the local labor, but it will take time. Fear keeps people in their seats pretty well, but if I can’t make an example out of somebody, you’ll have to captivate them.” He glared at the skeleton in challenge. “Can you do that?”
“Leave it to me,” Brook said, relaxing. “I am a professional. I will have them eating out of my hand and begging for more.” He threw his head back and laughed. “This sounds more like one of the captain’s plans. I like it.”
“I’d like to meet your captain,” Joker mused.
“I’m sure you will. If word gets out about my show, I’m sure the rest of my crew will find their way here. They can’t resist a good party,” Brook promised.
Joker nodded gleefully. “Wonderful, in the meantime: Places people, we have a show to steal!”

The goons got in place easily; they had practice blocking exits for the Joker. Brook and Joker, trussed up the Admiral from the opera and at the cue, Joker took his place, wearing the costume they had stripped from him. It took a second for everyone to figure out what was going on but when they did, the screaming started.
Joker loved the screaming, but he had to move this along. “Quiet!” he shouted and shot his weapon into the air. Silence fell instantly. “Don’t bother to try to escape, it’s useless.” Someone in the front row whimpered. “But don’t despair, I’m not planning on hurting any of you. Scout’s honor,” he said as he held up three fingers. “See I met a new friend tonight, he’s from out of town and he has a health appreciation for the arts. So I say to myself, ‘Joker, what can you offer this artiste?’ and you know what I decided, folks?” He had been strolling along the stage but now he turned to the terrified row of sailors. “Well?” he asked one, getting right in the boy’s face. Joker sighed in disappointment when the boy passed out, falling back like a log. He turned back to his captive audience. “Well, I decided to give him you, all of you.” No one made a sound and Joker kept up his tirade. “He’s a showman, a musician, and I wanted to give him an audience and you are that lucky audience.” He laughed joyfully and threw his arms out to the side, spraying a stream of bullets into the wall, luckily without hitting any one. “Now, ladies and gentlemen of Gotham, I, the Clown Prince of Crime, present to you from the mysterious waters of the Grand Line.” He paused to stage whisper conspiratorially, “Not that I know what that means.” He laughed and a couple people giggled. “A pirate with no equal, a man who has lived twice, the one, the only: SOUL KING BROOK!”
At the introduction, the pirate walked on stage. “Hello, everybody!” he called. The room was quiet, not even a cricket chirped.
“Wow,” Joker mused. “Tough crowd.”
Brook laughed. “Yohohoho, it’s as quiet as a grave yard. Give me a minute, I’ll wake them up!” He started to strum on his guitar. A rousing beat came out that enticed people to start tapping their feet.
“Come on baby,” Brook sang out. Joker clapped gleefully and went to the edge of the stage to entice the orchestra to join in the best they could.

“Bone to be wild,
Bone to be wild,
Bone, Bone, Bone, bone, bone
It’s nonsense to become macho just to attract women,” Brook sang and sighed into the next line and a girl in the front row, swooned.
“Soul King is mysterious,
he’s nothing but bones!
Afro on the skull,
Girls love the contrast!
If you want to make out with her,
Got milk? Go milk!”

Within the minutes, Soul King Brook had the whole audience eating out of his boney hands. Joker laughed as people got up and started clapping and young girls swooned. Brook had been right, one song and they were glued to their seats. He turned to the chorus and actors from the opera.
“I need this stage set up for Soul King’s concert!” he demanded. “And I want you to do that! I want lights, I want musicians, I want a fog machine and pyro-technics.” He swung his gun at the assembled men. “Can you give me that?”
One of them, the man playing the main character, stepped forward. “If we do that, if we get the crew to help, will you let us go?”
“Let you go?” Joker laughed. “Are you crazy? I won’t let you go! You have to stay for the show. Then you can go about your pointless boring lives, but tonight is about him.” He pointed at Brook who was starting a second song. “Do we have an agreement?”
“Yes, sir!” the assembled men shouted.
Huh, Joker thought as they hurried backstage, a couple of them are women. No matter. He turned back to listen to Brook. He was good, very good.
When Brook finished his song, Joker stepped forward again. “Did you enjoy that?” he asked the room. A cheer answered him. “Wonderful! Well, I talked to the boys behind the curtain, and they agreed to help us put on a real show. But it will take a little while to set up. In the meantime, sit tight, call your friends, and put a couple dollars or diamonds in the hat my men will send around. Be generous.”
He laughed and dragged the skeletal pirate with him back stage.
“Yohohoho, thank you, Joker,” Brook said, slapping the clown on the shoulder. “That was wonderful.”
“Just wait,” Joker promised with a teasing grin. “After we have the stage set up, you can have the biggest show in town! People will be talking about this for years!”
“And no killing,” Brook reminded him.
“Yes, yes, of course. I promised didn’t I?” Joker waved off his concerns. “Let’s go tell the hired help what you need. I’m getting shivers just thinking about it!”
“I’m getting goose bumps,” Brook agreed. “But I have no skin. Skull Joke!”
They laughed uproariously as they made their way to the scurrying stage hands. This would really be a night to remember.

Chapter Text

Chapter 14-Poison Ivy

The first step to finding someone in Gotham is collect intel. Luckily, Ivy had an idea where to start. She called her friend at Gotham’s 911 call center. She met Daisy several years ago at an environmentalist rally. The rally didn’t end well once Ivy learned that the organizers were affiliated with a slash and burn outfit. Poison Ivy wrecked the rally and sent the organizers to the hospital with a fatal case of hay-fever but she kept in touch with Daisy. The woman was smart, driven, and compassionate. She never betrayed Ivy’s confidence and usually had useful information about what was happening in Gotham’s less savory areas. It helped Ivy guess where Batman was so she could avoid him when she was still in the planning stages. This time, she came through again.
“I can’t tell you much, Pam,” Daisy said quietly over the cell phone. In the background, Ivy could hear people talking and phones ringing, Daisy was on her break. “But I got a call about a kid with a long nose being beat up by a gang. The police picked him up when his plants ate a cruiser.” That certainly sounded interesting and unusual enough for comment. She was the only one who used mutated plants in Gotham. “Also, Batman and another kid broke up a street fight down town.”
Robin, who was leaning over Ivy’s shoulder, listening, spoke up. “That’s my crew, but they won’t still be there. We don’t stay in one place very long.”
Ivy nodded understandingly. “That’s the kind of dirt I need, Daisy, but we need something fresher. Is anything happening right now?”
“No, sorry, just the usual mayhem,” Daisy apologized. “I’ll call you if I hear anything.”
“Thank you, Daisy, you’re a peach.” Ivy hung up and looked to her partner. “Your turn, Harl,” she said as she tossed Quinn the phone. “Who do you want to call?”
Harley looked at the phone for a minute. “Don’t know. I want to get out, stretch my legs. How about we visit the Iceberg Lounge? I bet Penggy’d have an idea!”
Ivy groaned but Harley usually got her way and soon they were pulling up behind the Iceberg Lounge, a fashionable establishment that only stayed open because Oswald Cobblepot paid a lot in lawyer fees. He was a notorious fence and former thief with his beak-like nose in everything. Ivy didn’t like him but he was useful and Harley thought he was funny.
Harley banged on the back door until one of the dolled up waitresses opened up. “Hi!” Harley greeted her as the door opened. “We need a pow-wow with your boss.”
The girl scowled. “Wait here,” she snapped and closed the door in their faces.
“So rude!” Harley griped. She hopped up to sit on an empty crate and started to hum to herself.
“Who are we meeting?” Robin asked curiously.
“Penguin,” Ivy answered. “He used to be like us, but semi-retired to run this night club. He fences for most of Gotham’s rogues and he tries to keep a tab on everything.”
“Information broker,” Robin nodded. “And if my crew has made any moves in town, he would have heard about it.” She smiled mysteriously, like she was remembering something.
“Something like that,” Ivy agreed. Behind her, the door opened revealing the man in question. He was short and dressed in his usual tuxedo with his little umbrella. Ivy eyed it cautiously. Penguin was known for his umbrella weapons.
“Wecome, ladies,” Cobblepot said as he stepped into the alley. “While I am always happy to hear from my favorite fem fatales, I must ask you to come after hours next time. I do have a business to run, you know.”
“We need information, Penguin,” Ivy said. “Our friend, here, has some friends in town and we want to find them.”
“Well, you know what they say, birds of a feather,” he pointed out, spinning his umbrella. “And what feathers does this flock wear?”
“We’re pirates,” Robin spoke up, making the club owner jump. He probably hadn’t noticed her since she kind of blended into the shadows. “We don’t really blend in with the locals.” Harley broke down giggling at that, Ivy just sighed.
Surprisingly, Penguin puffed up in annoyance. “Yes, I know there are pirates in Gotham. One has already ruffled my feathers.”
“Who?” Harley asked. She flipped down to land behind the stocky man. “I wanted to meet more pirates.”
“You would, my dear, but I only found him to be obnoxious. He asked inane questions, ate all my food and took off without telling me where he was going,” Penguin explained with a nasally whine, flapping his hands like the flippers of his namesake.
Robin smiled and bent down to put her hand gently on his shoulder. Penguin was always weak when faced with a pretty woman and he melted under her touch. “That must have been the captain,” she said. “You fed him?” She walked behind him, trailing a hand over his shoulders. From Ivy’s point of view it looked like she was sizing him up but Penguin obviously thought she was hitting on him. He nodded excitedly. “He must have liked you, so he would have talked to you.”
Harley perked up. “Like me! You said he was like me,” she said excitedly before she leaned down to Penguin’s level. “So, what’d he saaaayy?”
Penguin brushed the blond off. “He said he was going to be king and was going to find higher ground to search for his crew.”
“That sounds like Luffy,” Robin agreed. “He’ll be relatively easy to find.”
“Why do you say that?” Ivy asked, still watching Penguin with distaste. He was a necessary weed.
“Luffy will show up where there is trouble and he is very strong. I worry more about the rest of the crew.” She touched Penguin’s shoulder again. “Have you heard about any other pirates?”
“No, my dear, I have not. But I did hear that the Joker was heading toward the concert hall. Like your captain, he is also a magnet for trouble. Perhaps he’s heard more scuttlebutt.”
Ivy frowned. She didn’t like Joker and only a fool trusted him. Plus, Harley was still unhealthily obsessed with him. Dealing with that maniac always left a sour taste in her mouth.
“Thank you,” Robin said, turning back to Ivy. “Do you think this Joker can help?”
Put out at losing Robin’s attention, Penguin retreated back into his club. Robin and Harley never even noticed he left. Ivy watched with a little grin. The man was so petty.
“Puddin’ might know something,” Harley was saying. “But he might not want to help. He’s a little selfish,” she explained to Robin who was listening intently.
“That’s one way of putting it,” Ivy sighed. “I’d just say he’s a rotten nut.” She was about to add more when her phone rang. She pulled it out with distaste until she saw it was Daisy. “Daisy?”
“Pam, we just got several calls that Joker is holding hostages in the Concert Hall. I’m calling you because he has a living skeleton with him. Does that sound odd enough for your friend?” She spoke quietly and quickly, like she was in a hurry in a crowded area. She was probably still working.
Ivy sighed. “Is one of your crew a living skeleton?” she asked Robin. She hoped not; then they could avoid Joker and all his craziness.
“Yes, he is our musician, Soul King Brook,” Robin explained. “Do you know where he is?”
“Yes,” Ivy groaned. “Daisy,” she said into the phone, “what can you tell me about the concert hall?”
“Not much, there are no calls coming out of the place. Police are responding but have orders not to try to enter. Here’s an interesting fact though, people are buying tickets to get in. Bet you could get in easy, if you can get through the police blockade,” Daisy laughed.
“Thanks, Dais,” Ivy said. “You should expect some herbal teas in the mail. I’ve been experimenting with stamina enhancers.”
“Looking forward to it. Hey, I gotta get back to work, later.” Daisy hung up quickly.
Ivy looked up at her friends. “We’re going to the Gotham Concert Hall. Joker and the skeleton are putting on a show and selling tickets.”
“Oh!” Harley squealed. “A party!”
“I’m sure it will be an exemplary show,” Robin added. “Brook is an excellent musician. Luffy only choses the best.”
They got back in the car. Ivy drove because she didn’t trust Harley’s driving most days, though high speed chases were the exception. The girl was great at losing a tail.
Despite traffic, they were soon a block away from the Concert Hall. There were police cars surrounding the place, keeping the growing crowd of on-lookers away, though even as they drove by they saw a couple sneak by the cops to get to the ticket window. Rather than trying to get through the front, Ivy pulled around to the rear.
Here, only a half a dozen police officers stood guard. “Ready girls?” Ivy said with a dangerous glint in her eye.
“Oh, I am!” Harley exclaimed, pulling out her huge mallet. “We’ll knock them out like bowling pins.”
“We’ll need to be quick,” Ivy warned. “The rest of the fools in the front will be on us quickly.”
Robin held up her hand. “Let me, please.” She got out of the car and walked straight up to the cops. Ivy had to admire her spunk.
“Let us in, please,” Robin said with a dangerous smile.
“Are you crazy, lady?” one of the cops exclaimed. “Joker is in there! He’s dangerous!”
“I gave you a chance.” Robin sighed and crossed her arms, like she had earlier when Ivy and Harley first met her.
“What is she doing?” Harley whispered in Ivy’s ear. Honestly, Ivy had no idea. It looked like Robin was about to get arrested.
“Sies Fluer,” Robin said softly and hands appeared out of nowhere, sprouting like flowers out of the men’s backs and shoulders. The arms grabbed the cops, incapacitating them. She smiled, and Ivy saw a real pirate in her eyes for a second. “Clutch!” Robin said sternly and the arms twisted her victims until their backs popped and they collapsed like felled trees. The arms disappeared in a flurry of flower petals.
“That was amazing!” Harley cried, racing to the pirate’s side and giving her a huge hug. Luckily she dropped the mallet or someone would have gotten hurt. “I never knew you had it in you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ivy said, grabbing the clown and pushing her toward the door. “Let’s get inside.”
Inside, they followed the sound of laughter to a changing room. Joker was lying on a couch, chuckling manically. Before the vanity stood a tall skeleton in gaudy outfit complete with a pink boa. Ivy had to take a second look but he was real. She knew they were meeting a living skeleton but the fact hadn’t really taken root. Now it did and she had to take a minute to just stare.
“Brook,” Robin said, walking in confidently, barely sparing a glance at the lounging maniac. “Ever a show man.”
“Yo ho ho ho, Robin!” the skeleton exclaimed. “It’s good to see a familiar face.” He approached her and bowed almost in half. “Who are your friends?”
“This is Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, they’ve been showing me around,” Robin explained.
“And I’m Joker,” the crime clown said as he jumped to his feet. “Another pirate? Oooh, this is perfect. The more the merrier. Oh, hi, Ivy, Harls, welcome to the show.”
“It’s a pleasure, ladies,” Brook said. He took Harley’s hand and bowed over it. She giggled, charmed by his gentlemanly manners. “May I see you panties?” And the spell was broken.
“What?!” Harley screeched. She grabbed her mallet, that she had dragged in with her, and smacked him a good one, right into the wall.
“Harley!” Joker yelled. “Don’t kill my star attraction!”
Before they could panic, Brook sat up and laughed. “Yo ho ho ho, that scrambled my brains! Except I don’t have brains.” He looked at the women and laughed. “Skull Joke! Yo ho ho ho!”
“Don’t you love this guy!” Joker crowed, clapping his hands. “We have a packed house and we’re going to put on a show like this town has never seen.”
“What are you up to, Joker?” Ivy asked suspiciously. “Gas under the seats, bombs at the exits?” Joker always had a card up his sleeve, a hidden agenda. She didn’t trust him.
Joker looked over at Brook who was suddenly serious. “Nope, we made a pact. We even came up with a secret hand shake.” He laughed and sat down on the couch like it was a throne. “No, we’re just putting on a show. It’ll be a killer, just not literally.”
“What about security and the cops?” Ivy pressed.
“Yo ho ho ho, the building’s security agreed to help us if we gave them free seats!” Brook explained cheerfully. “They are keeping the local authorities out of our hair until we are ready to start.”
Robin chuckled. “Sounds like your last concert at Sabody,” she said and Brook laughed. She turned to explain to the others. “He announced at the last concert of his tour that he was a pirate and leaving to rejoin our crew. I heard that his fans fought the marines when they tried to arrest him on stage.”
Joker stared at her until his eyes started to water then blinked slowly. Then he started laughing hysterically and the crazy skeleton and Harley joined in. “That’s, that’s,” the clown said, trying to catch his breath. “That’s so perfect! Oh man, I love this guy!”
Robin and Ivy exchanged a look but the pirate just smiled. Ivy figured she was the closest to sane that this group could manage and wasn’t that an odd thought. Ivy was used to being considered one of the crazies, not the mature one. However, if she was honest with herself, she was enjoying all of this mayhem. She couldn’t wait to meet the rest of the crew.

Chapter Text

Batman-

Sorting out the logistics of transporting three pirates left Batman with a headache he tried to hide from his passenger, who luckily was not Strawhat Luffy. The long nosed sniper, Ussop sat shivering in the passenger seat, clinging to his bag and trying not to draw Batman’s attention as he gazed around the Batmobile’s interior with wide eyes. The young man had declined to race across the roof tops of Gotham with Catwoman like his crewmates, claiming he had “I’ll die if I try to keep up-itis”. Since Gordon refused to let a pirate into one of his squad cars, Batman was the only option. Batman, while annoyed, was satisfied with the plan since it meant that he didn’t have to suffer Luffy’s curiosity for the time being. He had actually snorted with amusement when the pirate captain had asked if Catwoman had a tail and claws because apparently that was normal for him. The red-haired woman, Nami, had kicked him in the head while Selena tried to decide if she had been insulted. Batman wished her luck. Idly he wondered how Nightwing was fairing with his two charges.
Meanwhile, Batman stopped in an alley a few blocks away from the Concert Hall. “Come on,” he ordered his passenger. “We’re here.”
Ussop gulped. “That was fast,” he said, nervously. “I wonder what Franky would think of your car. He’s our shipwright and a genius builder.” Skittish as the man was, he did have a good eye. Batman was proud of his car and willing to accept praise for it. “You should see the stuff he built for our ship,” Ussop continued.
“I’m sure I’ll meet him later,” Batman admitted as he led the way to the police blockade. Gordon was already waiting for him, since he didn’t have to coordinate the pirates’ escorts.
The Gotham Concert Hall was an older building, not quite historic but older than most of the structures around it. Bruce Wayne was a regular visitor and Batman knew every inch of it, including the basement storage and backstage. At the moment, a grease-painted thug was manning the ticket window while his partner stood guard. As Batman watched, a young couple, children of Gotham’s elite who were convinced of their immortality, snuck past the police blockade and hurriedly bought tickets from the goon. When a police officer called to them to get back, the guard goon shot a warning shot into the ground in front of the barricade. The couple ducked through the doors and the police returned to their frustrating standoff.
“It’s been happening all night,” complained Gordon, pulling his coat collar up. “Dumb kids keep sneaking in to see this show because their friends called to tell them about it. We’ve been trying to keep them out, but as you can see we’re not always successful. Also, the men I had guarding the back reported that they saw Poison Ivy and Harley Quin with another woman. The unknown apparently had the ability to make hands appear out of thin air.”
Batman turned to Ussop, who was eyeing the police officers with distrust. “Does that sound familiar?” he asked, making Ussop jump.
“Ye…yeah,” Ussop stammered before he regained his confidence. “Yes, that would be Robin. She’s our archeologist.”
Batman blinked but decided not to ask why a pirate crew needed an archeologist. “So you have two crewmates in there now?”
At Ussop’s nod, Gordon groaned. “Two pirates and three rouges.”
A commotion on the edge of the crowd drew their attention. A beautiful black Rolls Royce threaded through the police cars before stopping before the vigilante and police commissioner. Batman glared at the car because he recognized it and wasn’t surprised when Nightwing hopped out of the driver’s seat.
“Sorry,” the younger hero said cheerfully as walked around. “I couldn’t fit two pirates on my motorcycle so I borrowed a car. Pennyworth said I could take this one.”
“You borrowed Bruce Wayne’s car?” Gordon asked in disbelief.
Nightwing shrugged, stopping to lean against the sleek car. “I tracked a pirate to the Wayne Manor where he was having tea with Wayne’s butler. He insisted I take the car as thanks for the times Batman has save Wayne. Do you think one of your officers can take it back to him?”
Gordon nodded, still unbelieving, but Batman was thankful that Nightwing had come up with a reasonable excuse without endangering their identity.
Nightwing turned and opened the back door, revealing two very grumpy men. The first was a tall man in a nice suit with blond hair covering one eye. He pulled out a cigarette as soon as he cleared the car door, lighting it quickly, and puffing on it in agitation. The second was a sturdily built man with green hair and three katana. This one had the policemen, who were nearby watching curiously, stepping back from the intensity of his one eyed glare.
“Batman, Commish’,” Nightwing intoned with a barely hidden smile, “let me introduce the pirates, Black Leg Sanji and Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro.”
Zoro growled, but Sanji displayed some manners. He bowed gracefully. “Pleasure to meet you,” he said before bringing the cigarette back to his mouth. He turned and kicked his comrade. “Come on you shitty moss-head. Help me unload the car.”
Batman watched impassively while the two pirates and his former protégé unloaded an alarming amount of food from the trunk of his car. Sanji, who he remembered was the ship’s cook, directed them in how to handle the packages. Zoro grumbled the whole time but Nightwing was chuckling.
“What is all this?” Gordon asked, bewilderment showing on his face.
Sanji shrugged. “Our captain is a bottomless pit, if we don’t feed him; I shudder to think of the consequences to your city.”
Zoro grinned, which was scarier than his scowl, though there was a surprising element of affection hidden in the expression. “Luffy might leave the city standing, but you’d lose a few restaurants,” he added. “What are we doing here?”
“Weren’t you listening, shitty swordsman? Or did that moss on your head start growing in your ears?” Sanji snapped.
“Say that again, swirly brow!” Zoro retorted, his hand reaching for his swords.
Sanji raised one leg threateningly. “I knew it, moss-head, your hair took root in your brain.” Zoro growled like a beast as he threw himself at his comrade, a blade in each hand. Sanji met him head on, deflecting the first sword with the heel of his shoe before dropping into a hand stand that allowed him to kick with both feet right at Zoro’s face.
The skirmish was unlike anything Batman had ever seen. The swordsman and the cook attacked each other with deadly intent. Sanji’s kicks broke concrete and Zoro’s swords cut through the metal of a police cruiser like a hot knife through butter. Their animosity was practically visible as they hurled insults at each other, most of which seemed to involve Sanji’s eyebrows and Zoro’s hair. Batman looked to Nightwing but the younger man was no help at all. He was grinning like a loon, watching the battle with rapt attention. Gordon was turning red as he watched the destruction, which now included two police cars (one sliced in half, another’s hood caved in from a deflected kick), three lamp posts and about six feet of street and sidewalk crushed as if by a jack-hammer.
“You bastard!” Sanji screamed when Zoro nicked his coat.
The cook lashed out with a devastating axe kick that sent a shockwave which made Batman look away for a second. When he turned back, he saw Zoro with one knee to the ground, his swords crossed over his head, blocking Sanji’s leg. All around him, the concrete was dented, creating a crater with the two combatants in the center. They struggled for the upper hand in a battle of strength, causing the ground to crack even more.
Batman decided this had gone on long enough. He reached for a pellet of anesthetic gas as he stepped forward but he had only taken one step when Nami walked through the crowd and up to the two men. Nightwing reached out to stop her but Luffy (when did he get here) held him back, his smile blinding as he took in the damage his friends caused.
Nami stepped up to the men and before they could acknowledge her, she punched him both in the head hard enough to raise lumps. “You idiots!” she shouted. “Look at what you’ve done! Do you want to be arrested? Do you want to turn every person in the city against us before we find the rest of our crew? What were you thinking?”
She hit them again and they both sat on the ground, nursing their sore heads, the earlier disagreement apparently forgotten.
“Nami-swan, please forgive me,” Sanji gushed from the ground. “I lost my temper with the dumb-ass, but I’ve been so worried about you.”
“Oi!” Zoro objected.
Nami hit them again. “Don’t say a word!” she screeched. “Why do I put up with you meat-heads?”
“Meat?” Luffy perked up from where he had snuck up on Batman. The dark knight watched him warily, worried that the boy would try to get in his belt again. “Nami, I’m hungry.”
Sanji got up and dusted himself up as Nami groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Come on, Luffy. I’ve got some pirate lunches for you.”
“Yosh!” Luffy cheered. “Where?”
Sanji pointed to where they had left the car and stacks of food. The fight had drifted away so they wouldn’t damage their lunches. Luffy strained on his tip toes to see the pile and his face lit up when he saw the mountain of food. He was so excited that he flung his arms out, stretching to include the entire party (Heros, thief, commissioner, and pirates) pulling them all into a tight embrace and sling-shot them all in the right direction. Catwoman yowled in protest, Gordon cursed a blue streak, Nightwing yelped in surprise and Batman snarled as they were all whipped into the air, right over the pile of food and into the front of the Concert Hall. They hit with a shuddering smack that left the poor Gothamites dazed. The pirates all turned on their captain, shouting with annoyance, frustration, and a little (if you listened hard enough) relief to be together again.
Nami grabbed Luffy’s cheek and hauled him to his feet and, with the cheek stretching to comedic proportions, dragged him in front of Batman who was helping Gordon to his feet. “Apologize!” she snarled at her captain.
“Shi, shi, shi,” Luffy snickered. “Sworry,” he mumbled through his stretched lips.
“Is it always like this?” Nightwing asked Sanji while the man gallantly helped Catwoman to her feet.
Sanji sighed and lit a cigarette. “Afraid so. Sorry about earlier. I think the moss-head and I just needed to let off some steam. It’s been a stressful night.” He bowed to Catwoman and took her hand to kiss it. “It’s an honor, sweet lady, to make your acquaintance.”
Catwoman hissed at Sanji and jerked her hand away. “What is wrong with you people?” she asked rhetorically. “Your captain just threw us into a wall!”
Nami rejoined her friend and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on him,” she said. “I think he’s just happy to find more of his crew. He’s a hand-full but he’s still our captain.”
“Fu, fu, fu,” a dark chuckle came from behind them. “I knew this commotion could only mean the Captain had arrived.”
They all whirled around to face the threat, the vigilantes and thief reaching for their weapons. Gordon was still dazed and just stared at the tall, dark haired woman who had appeared from inside.
The pirates cheered and rushed to greet the new comer, who Batman figured was the archeologist, Robin. She smiled sweetly as Luffy wrapped her in an enveloping hug and Sanji went to one knee to kiss her hand. As soon as Luffy let go, assisted by disembodied hands, Nami gave her a gentler hug. Even Zoro looked pleased. They were all chattering away and honestly, Batman couldn’t make out a word if it beyond Luffy’s occasional “Meat!” that didn’t seem to fit into whatever the pirates were talking about.
Batman looked around, suddenly on edge. He counted pirates: Luffy, Nami, Zoro, Sanji, and the newest edition, Robin. Where was Usopp? He couldn’t recall when he had last seen the sniper. It must have been before Nightwing arrived with the cook and swordsman. He groaned out-loud.
Nightwing turned to him, surprise at Batman’s display of emotion visible on his masked face. “What’s wrong Batman?”
Batman turned to look Nightwing with an emotion bordering on alarm and panic in his eyes. “We lost one.”

Chapter Text

From where he stood on the roof, Mr. Freeze could see all of the excitement around the Gotham Concert Hall. The police officers looked like ants, scurrying in a panic. In the midst of the chaos, a tiny reindeer was sneaking around to see if he could contact his friends. Chopper had been so upset thinking that his friends might be arrested that Freeze couldn’t resist helping. He showed the little guy where the hall was and gave him advice on how to avoid the cop’s attention. Stay low, he had advised, they never look down. They would be focused on the big fancy car that was pulling up, especially when the former Robin, Nightwing jumped out. Good, no one, not even the Bat would notice a little plush of a reindeer in all that mess. He turned away, mentally going over what he would need for Chopper’s plan. He thought he’d have enough of everything, so at least he wouldn’t need to stage a heist, though it would be easy to do in all the chaos of the night. Maybe he should check, just to be sure. If they needed to break in somewhere, they would need to do it right away. Better not to waste time.
A short while later Mr. Freeze heard a knock on the door to his lab. He knew it was the reindeer because of the ring of hooves on the metal. He turned form his inventory of chemicals (he was more prepared than he thought from a hijacked shipment a few months ago) to unlock the door with a loud clang. Opening the heavy door, he revealed his new little friend, who was beaming excitedly up at a young man in overalls. The boy’s most distinguishing feature was his absurdly long nose, but Freeze didn’t comment, because honestly, he didn’t care.
Chopper led the way into the lab, pulling his friend by the hand. “Look at all the equipment, Ussop!” he chattered excitedly. “He has everything we need. I’ll be focusing on synthesizing the powder but you’ll need to work with Dr. Freeze for the delivery system. I think it’d be easiest to create a two pronged system, but that will be up to you. Dr. Freeze is very knowledgeable so I’m sure you’ll get along great. ”
“Whoa, hold on a minute, Chopper. I’m still trying to catch up with everything. You pulled me away from Batman to a creepy factory,” Ussop shook his head in confusion. “Just, start at the beginning. And introduce your friend, here.” He pointed, quite rudely, at Freeze.
Freeze glared banefully at the boy. “Careful,” he warned coldly. “I have frozen people in response to disrespect. Do not assume that my benevolence to your friend extends to you.”
Ussop visibly gulped and moved his satchel in front of him like a shield. “Yes, sir, Dr. Freeze, sir,” he said with a distinct quiver in his voice.
Chopper shook a hoof at the Gotham rogue. “Be nice,” he scolded. “We’re trying to cure your frozen heart, and we need Ussop’s help. He’s an inventor and the best sniper on the Grand Line and he’s fought gods and sea monsters and giant goldfish.”
Freeze turned an unimpressed looked on Chopper but didn’t argue the point. “Put this on,” he ordered Ussop, grabbing a heavy parka coat from a peg next to the door. “At the temperatures I have grown accustomed to, you would only survive a matter of minutes before you succumb to the cold.”
Ussop nodded and gratefully pulled on the coat. His teeth had already begun to chatter, but the warm coat and gloves he found in the pocket had him back to normal soon enough.
“Thank you,” the pirated acknowledged politely. “I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. It has been a long night. First I wake up in this strange city, then I’m attacked by over a hundred armed hooligans,” he started to get into the swing of his story. Freeze could tell that he was embellishing the tale, but Chopper seemed impressed so he refrained from calling the boy out on his lies. “After I fought them off, I was arrested by the local authorities. They interrogated me cruelly, but I held my tongue. No one and nothing can crack the manly resolve of the great Captain Ussop. Then finally the Commissioner admitted his defeat in the face of my greatness and introduced me to his ally, Batman.”
“Who’s Batman?” Chopper asked, stars in his eyes.
“A terrifying man who makes grown men’s knees shake. But I stood my ground and told him ‘Batman, I need to find my crew. Either you help me willingly or I will force you to.’” His voice dropped as he supposedly quoted Batman, “Then he said, ‘Ussop, even here, we have heard tales of your greatness. Come with me and we will find your crew.”
“Then what?” Chopper squeaked.
“Then I said, ‘Thank you, Batman.’”
“And did he find the crew?”
“Well,” Ussop said, losing the storytelling voice. “As luck would have it, Luffy had already found him and while we were talking, Nami found us. Batman said that his partners had found Franky with the ship and an ally was going to bring Zoro and Sanji to the Concert Hall where Brook was. So with you, that’s almost all of us.”
Chopper tilted his head as he counted up his crewmates. Freeze would never admit, even to himself, but it was adorable. “Where’s Robin? The radio said she was nearby.”
Ussop smacked his forehead. “That’s right, the police said that someone had broken into the Concert Hall by growing arms out of things. I think she’s with Brook.”
Chopper nodded happily and turned to Freeze. “All my crew is okay, so we can focus on helping you.”
“Don’t you want to return to your friends?” Victor asked, dreading the answer despite his control. He had honestly been surprised Chopper had returned at all when he went to retrieve Ussop. He didn’t want the little reindeer to leave, but he expected abandonment.
Chopper shook his head firmly. “No, you are my patient now and I never leave a patient until he’s better. Luffy will understand.”
Ussop nodded in agreement when Freeze looked to him for confirmation. “We’re not exactly normal pirates,” the long-nosed man explained, and unlike his early story, he sounded earnest and honest. “We all have our dreams and our Captain supports that just like we support his dream to become King of the Pirates. If Chopper says he needs to help you, well, that’s what we’ll do.”
Victor Feis considered the two pirates for a long moment before nodding. All he said was “Thank you,” but that seemed to be enough because Chopper’s smile became blinding.
“Okay!” the little reindeer cheered, transforming into his gorilla form in excitement. “Let’s make it snow cherry blossoms in Gotham!”

Chapter Text

Chapter 17- Getting the Band Back Together and Not Arrested

“Come inside, all of you,” Nico Robin said with a small smile. She sauntered into the Concert Hall leaving the gathering of pirates and Gothamites to follow in her wake; after Sanji and Zoro retrieved the abandoned lunchboxes, of course. She waved at the thug who was guarding the door and he opened the door without a fuss, though he had grimaced when she trailed a hand under his chin. Her powers had terrified the minions before when she had sprouted eyes all over the building to check for her crew. They were understandably wary and very jumpy now.
Speaking of jumpy, Harley Quin raced up to the crowd from one of the doors leading backstage. “Nicci!” the little clown cried excitedly. “The set is almost done and the skeleton gave his music to the band to practice! Mr. J said we’d be ready soon.” She finally noticed the others standing around. “OHHHH! More pirates!” She grabbed Nami’s hand and started to pull her back where she came from. “You have to meet Mr. J and the others! Come on!”
Nami surprisingly went along with Harley when Robin gave a nod of approval. Luffy, of course, was excited to meet more “mystery people” so the rest of the pirates followed easily, though Sanji was swooning over Harley’s skin tight suit.
“We might as well,” Nightwing said, already following in the pirate’s wake. “We need to keep an eye on them after all.”
“I’m going to regret this,” Gordon complained. Luckily, his radio squawked so he waved the others ahead of him while he dealt with the fallout from the docks.
Batman and Catwoman exchanged a look. “After you, handsome,” she purred. He narrowed his eyes at her but followed Nightwing with a dramatic swish of his cape.

Harley led the parade into a spacious dressing room where Joker, Poison Ivy, and Brook were busy. Brook was still tweaking a composition that spread out on a table in front of him. The tall skeleton was bent almost 90 degrees as he wrote with one hand and strummed his guitar with the other. Joker was messing with the costumes and had four hats piled on his head while he compared to sailor uniforms, holding up one than the other as he mumbled to himself. He abruptly dropped both of them when he saw the new comers. In the back corner, Ivy was spraying a quick growth formula on a lineup of potted plants. The plan was to use them as scenery if she could grow them fast enough and already an English Ivy was trailing to the floor and wrapped around her ankles. The ferns were pretty big as well, but the potted ficus tree was her real achievement. It was six feet tall with a trunk as thick as her waist. Brook said it would a perfect prop for several parts of his narrative.
The silence was thick and oppressive as everyone considered each other. Batman’s glare flickered between the rogues while the criminals watched the heroes with suspicion. The pirates, even Luffy, looked around in confusion, unaware of the history of violence represented in the room.
Catwoman broke the stalemate first. “Ivy,” she greeted the plant woman courteously enough.
“Selena,” Ivy acknowledged.
“Batsy,” Joker said; his grin firmly on his face but his posture tense.
“Joker,” Batman answered, his eyes narrowed dangerously.
Harley looked around, her smile drooping. “Commish!” she said excitedly when Gordon finally joined the party.
“Harley Quin,” Gordon sighed.
“Commissioner Gordon!” Joker exclaimed, positively gleeful for some reason.
“Joker.”
“Nightwing,” Poison Ivy murmured, slinking closer to the younger hero.
“Poison Ivy,” Nightwing said as he backed away, not wanting to get too close to her pheromones.
“Catwoman,” Harley cried, apparently noticing the thief for the first time.
Catwoman sighed and shook her head. “Harley,” she said affectionately.
Luffy watched the exchange of greeting for as long as he could, but he wanted to be involved. “Zoro!” he shouted at the swordsman, who was standing closest.
Zoro considered his captain for a long moment before letting out an amused puff of air. “Luffy,” he said finally.
The standoff was broken and Joker turned his attention to the new pirates. “Well, who do we have here?” he asked dramatically with a sweep of one of his hats. “More pirates, I presume?”
Brook finally turned away from his music and gallantly came forward to introduce his crew members. “Joker, ladies, allow me to introduce Straw-hat Luffy, captain of our infamous crew. Beside him is our swordsman, Zoro; our chef, Sanji; and our brilliant navigator, Miss Nami.” He indicated each with a grand sweep arm.
Sanji stepped forward to take Ivy’s hand and kiss the back of it. “It is an honor to make the acquaintance of such beautiful ladies. Truly you outshine the most glorious flowers.”
Ivy looked insulted for a moment, but when she saw that Nico Robin was laughing, she decided to let it go. She took her hand back and moved out of reach. “Careful,” she warned. “I wouldn’t want to poison you.”
Luffy was jumping around Joker, laughing and boxing the air playfully. “Let’s fight!” he exclaimed. “Batman said he needed help beating up a clown, and that must be you. Though you don’t look like the clown I know. Where is your nose? Buggy had a big red nose, but he got really sore when you mentioned it and…” he was cut off as an arm grew out of his shoulder and the hand covered his mouth.
Everyone looked at Robin in surprise. “We’re not here for a fight, Captain,” she said gently before dismissing the arm. “Joker and Brook have come to an understanding.”
“What is this understanding?” Gordon demanded. “I wouldn’t trust that clown as far as I could throw him.”
“Commissioner, you wound me,” Joker said, throwing an arm across his forehead like a fainting damsel, knocking off another hat. “The chuckling corpse and I have agreed that I will provide an audience and venue for his autobiographical concert,” he held up his hand when Gordon tried to interrupt, “and in return I promise not to harm a soul. Scout’s honor!” He held up three fingers in a salute when no one looked convinced.
Nightwing finally shook off the surprise at the talking skeleton. It was a new one for him and had honestly thrown him for a bit of loop. “So you’re saying that all of you just want to put on a show, that’s it?” He tried for his best Batman glare. “No larceny, vandalism, ransom, poisonings, or other felonies?”
“I swear,” Joker promised. “Brook wouldn’t even let me rig bombs to the doors. These people could leave whenever they want, but they are all waiting to see his performance.”
“Brook is a big rock star where we come from,” Nami spoke up. “He was just finishing a sold out world tour when we reunited.”
“This is so cool,” Luffy mumbled happily around a mouthful of food. He was sitting in the middle of several empty lunch boxes, where he was happily stuffing his face while everyone was talking. He had figured since he wasn’t going to fight the clown, he might as well eat and since no one was watching him…
Sanji lashed out with a violent kick that sent Luffy spinning into the wall. “You shitty rubber! Those weren’t just for you, you bastard. What about the ladies? Do you ever think about anyone but yourself and your monstrous appetite?”
“But I was hungry,” Luffy whined from where he was propped, upside down against the wall.
“Sanji,” Nami exclaimed. “Don’t break the place! I don’t want to pay for any of your damage!”
“Sorry, my swan,” Sanji cooed. “I promise no more property damage because of our idiot captain. I’ll break my own body before I allow one wall to break.”
“Dumbass,” Zoro coughed behind a hand.
“You want to pick a fight with me, mosshead?” Sanji snarled.
“Sanji!” Nami exclaimed, jumping between the two men.
“What do we do, Batman?” Nightwing asked softly, watching the exchange. Robin had stepped forward to mediate between her crewmates and convince Sanji to salvage the rest of the food and distribute it.
Batman sighed, an honest to gosh, shoulder slumping sigh. “We could fight,” he said finally. “We could try to arrest all four of them,” he glanced apologetically at Catwoman, but she just shrugged in understanding. She walked over to where Nami was getting to know Harley and Ivy, leaving the men to their talk. “However, I think the pirates would rather side with the rogues than the law.” He looked over at Luffy who was now trying on costumes with Joker. “I would rather avoid that fight and the pirates haven’t committed any heinous crimes.”
Commissioner Gordon groaned with feeling. “So you want to let them put on the show?” he asked despairingly. “Is that wise?”
Suddenly Joker was leaning over Gordon’s shoulder. “You can come, Commissioner, free of charge. In fact,” he stood up straight and held a finger up in the air in what he probably thought was a dramatic pose, but it just looked silly because of the oversized eveningwear jacket he was wearing. Behind him, wearing a tuxedo jacket, Luffy copied the pose. “In fact, I invite any officers of the law who would like to enjoy the show to come, free of charge in good faith of my peaceful intentions.”
“Featful indentations,” Luffy mimicked.
Zoro hit the back of his head. “Stop goofing around,” the swordsman scolded.
Luffy just laughed and dragged Joker back to the costumes, though he gave Batman a strange look from under the brim of his straw-hat. Batman had the idea that maybe Luffy wasn’t as oblivious of the tension as he acted.
“This is a bad idea,” Gordon lamented.
“It sounds like fun,” Nightwing laughed. “I like these guys.”
“And that’s enough reason to let three of Gotham’s most wanted put on a blasted musical?” Gordon rounded on the younger hero. “There are so many things that could go wrong. Are you going to take responsibility for this?”
“I think it is our best plan,” Batman admitted. He put a heavy hand on his old friend’s shoulder. “Bring in your officers to stand guard and keep the peace. Tomorrow we can see about sending the Straw-hat Pirates back home and arresting Joker and the rest.”
“Yosh!” Luffy cheered, startling everyone who turned to look at him then at Batman. “Batguy says we can have the concert!” He ran up and gave Batman, Nightwing, and Gordon a big hug that lifted all three men off their feet. “This will be so much fun. Hey Brook, can I have a part?” He ran off, leaving Gordon rubbing his ribs.
“He is deceptively strong,” the commissioner grated. “Are they all like that?”
“You saw what Sanji and Zoro can do,” Nightwing pointed out. “I think that as long as no one gets hurt, it would be best to avoid a confrontation. They seem like good people.”
“Thank you,” Nico Robin said from behind them, making Nightwing and Gordon jump in surprise. “This performance promises to be very entertaining. I’m pleased that there will not be a battle to ruin the mood” She smiled at the men, and they all felt a shiver run down their spines. “Though, I’m sure you understand that you didn’t have a choice once our Captain made up his mind, right?”
Gordon sputtered and Nightwing blanched, but it was Catwoman who walked back over to answer. The other women were pretending to not watch the conversation with varying results. Harley was staring with a huge grin on her face while she held a watering can for Ivy. “They are very bright,” Catwoman assured the assassin turned pirate. “I’m glad we will put our differences behind us tonight.” She rubbed up against Batman. “What do you say, tall, dark and broody, take a girl out to a show?”
Batman turned an unimpressed look at the thief, but was saved from replying by a booming shout down the hall.
“Oh, yeah! That bro in the makeup said they were down here right? Oh, yeah!”
“Arg, keep it down. Indoor voice,” a girl’s voice scolded just before the door was flung open violently.
Everyone turned to see Franky striking a pose with a grinning Robin beside him mimicking the pose while Batgirl hid her face in her hands behind them, groaning softly in embarrassment.
“I told Bullock to send the shipwright and your bat partners here. I thought it would be best to have them all in one place,” Gordon admitted to Batman. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Supah!” Franky shouted as he marched in, barely clearing the doors with his shoulders. “Let’s get this party started.”
Batman shared a look of understanding with Batgirl as Luffy launched himself at his cyborg. Somehow Zoro had been caught in the rubberman’s launch and they went down in a tumble of swords, rubber limbs and more mechanical hands than made sense. It was going to be a long night.

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Chapter Text

-Batman-

Never had the Gotham Concert Hall been so full. It made Batman nervous because if something happened, these people would be trapped, including more than half of the city’s police force. The officers lined the walls and aisles, keeping an eye on the criminals who had promised to behave, and not just the ones who were helping put on the show either. Word had gone out to the more colorful, yet dark side of Gotham that there was a truce for tonight, so anyone not currently in custody had showed up. Penguin, of course, was one of the first. He was holding court with several of his girls in one of the boxes, though he had to share with Harvey Dent. Even, Killer Croc was given a pass to see the show after the Straw-hat’s cyborg cried and begged him to come. He was underguard, with a muzzle on, but seemed excited about it. Scarecrow and Clayface were locked up in Arkham, thankfully, but Riddler had breezed in like he was invited and took a seat with a grin. The Mad Hatter had also slipped in at some point and was talking peacefully with the green clad trickster, sipping his tea without a care in the world. Harley assured Batman that everyone would be on their best behavior. That didn’t relieve Batman’s worries, though nothing had happened so far.  The only loose rouge who had yet to make an appearance was Mr. Freeze, but Batman wasn’t really expecting him anyway.  Musicals weren’t really the doctor’s thing anymore.

Still, the criminals were only a small percentage of the crowd. Most of Gotham’s elite were here, filling the seats to capacity. Bruce Wayne of course, knew everyone, but there were people that Batman trusted as well. Dr. Leslie Thompkins, Lucius Fox and Alfred had highly prized seats in the third row, a row of policemen between the civilians and the pirates and rouges in the front.  Batman glared at his butler and oldest friends, but couldn’t say a word about them being there. Alfred knew it too; the Englishman had a look in his eye as he glanced over at Batman.

Before the hero could react, the Straw-hat’s swordsman, Zoro stepped out from backstage. He was scowling as usual, and people cleared out of his way instinctively. Then he saw Alfred, he started in the butler’s direction. Batman stepped forward, ready to intervene, but he was pleasantly surprised.

“Mr. Pennyworth,” the green haired man called out. “Come to see the show?”

“Yes, thank you, Mr. Roronoa,” Alfred said, stepping forward. “Let me introduce some friends of mine, this is Dr. Leslie Thompkins, and Mr. Lucius Fox.”
Zoro bowed politely. “Let’s find you some good seats,” the man said succinctly. He glanced around, and waved for the three to follow him. Alfred did with no reservations and after sharing a look, Leslie and Lucius followed his lead.

Zoro took them to some seats in the third row, as close to the front as possible. “My crew is up front, since we’ve got parts in Brook’s show, and the police have the other row closed off, but you can sit here,” the swordman explained.

A young woman, one of Gotham’s pretty debutaunts, spoke up angrily. “These are our seats!”

Zoro turned an unimpressed glare on her and her two friends. The three girls quailed under the pirate’s gaze, but remained stubbornly in their seats. It looked like a situation was growing and Batman was about to send Nightwing or Batgirl over there (Batman was not the best choice for this kind of problem) but again, before he could act, a pirate stepped in.

The pirate’s cook, Sanji, swept up and bowed to the ladies from their other side. “Excuse me, beautiful flowers, don’t mind my meathead crewmate. Mr. Pennyworth, it’s nice to see you again.”

“It’s my pleasure, Mr. Sanji,” Alfred said with a smile. He pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I have that recipe you wanted.”

“Thank you very much,” Sanji answered cheerfully before turning to the pretty girls. “Now, you ladies don’t need to sit so close to these rough men, let’s find you some seats more suitable for such delicate flowers.”

His charm swayed the girls, and he lead them to new seats while Zoro looked smug as Alfred, Lucius, and Leslie sat down.

After getting settled, and after Zoro returned backstage to finish helping, Alfred turned to give Batman a look. Bruce knew that look, he had been on the receiving end several times in the past, when Alfred had done something against orders. Usually that look meant that he knew he was right and he didn’t care what Bruce said. He was usually right, too, and Batman could only hope that this time would prove the same.

Backstage, the props and sets were getting a last second make over by Franky. He was a marvel with a hammer and nails. Before their eyes, the hastily thrown together sets turned into works of art, which were hard to distinguish from the real thing. In fact only an hour after Batman and his followers had joined the party, everything was ready. The only hold up was the two missing straw hats.

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-Joker-

“We can’t start without Ussop!” Luffy pointed out willfully. “Or Chopper! They are part of our crew too! This is their story as much as ours.”

“But the show must go on!” Joker argued his hands on his hips as he tried to intimidate the smaller man. “Look, I’m sorry that they haven’t come yet, but we’ve put this much effort into the show and I will not let you stop it. He fingered the flower on his chest; it was filled with concentrated Joker Toxin. If he had to spray the kid, he would. It’s not like anyone would notice at first because the kid was always laughing and grinning anyway.

“Let’s stay calm, Mr. Joker, Captain,” Nico Robin said, appearing out of nowhere, making Joker startle. “I’m sure our friends will be here soon. Let’s finish preparations for our show before we take any hasty actions.”

Luffy sighed, pouting at his friend. “Okay, you’re right, Robin. I’ll wait. I’ll go outside to keep watch. I know they’ll be here soon. Come get me when Brook is ready.” He skipped off, seemingly lighthearted again.

“Mr. Joker,” Robin said, leaning a little too close to the clown. Across the room, Nightwing noticed the tension and hurried over, leaping over some of the boxes and set pieces. The archaeologist paid the worried hero no mind, focusing on Joker. “Remember that we are your friends tonight. We all want this to go smoothly.” She lowered her voice to whisper in his ear, “It would be a pity if something were to happen to change that, wouldn’t it?” She straightened up and walked away, waving politely at Nightwing as he slid to a halt before them.

“What the hell was that?” Nightwing asked, more than a little anxious to be so close to Joker without fighting, especially since the man looked shaken. They could never guess what that maniac was thinking.

Joker glared at the younger man. He had hated Robin and he hated Nightwing, considering him bait at best and a distraction at worst, but still he was honest as he looked into the hero’s masked eyes in disbelief. “I think I was just threatened, my boy,” he admitted. “And I believe her, heaven help me, I believe her.” He threw back his head and laughed. “Oh this in wonderful, all of these pirates keep surprising me. I love it. Now excuse me, Bratwing, I should go welcome some of our esteemed guests. I think I saw Two-face earlier. I wonder if he’s forgiven me for interrupting him last February. Tootle-loo!” The madman flounced away leaving Nightwing confused but grateful that things worked out. They might actually be able to pull this off.

Only minutes before even Luffy was about to give up hope, Chopper and Ussop came running up to the front doors. Luffy whooped with glee and launched himself off the roof, where he had been perched, to tackle his friends.

“Come on, you almost missed it. Hurry, hurry, they’ve saved us seats. And Brook has parts for you, so you have to talk to him. This is all so cool!” the rubber man crowed with excitement as he dragged the last two members of his crew inside.

They hurried backstage where Brook was finishing checking over everything one last time.

“Yo ho ho ho, welcome Ussop, Chopper! We were sick to our stomachs that you would miss the show,” the skeleton said as he turned to his friends. “Not that I have a stomach, yo ho ho ho!” He pulled out a couple sheets of paper from his hat. “Here, these are for you. I have small parts for all our friends, but most of the show will be performed by myself and the wonderful actors and actresses who work here. That way you can sit and enjoy the show, too. Just watch for your cues, okay?”

Joker, dressed up as a marine admiral, and trailed by Harley who was holding a clip board, strode up to the little gathering. “Finally,” he exclaimed. “Well, since the gang is all here, can we start the show?” He sounded a little crazier than usual, as if the stress of throwing together a multi act musical in the space of a few hours was getting to him. No one was really sure if he was acting or not. He tipped his head to regard Chopper, who was hiding the wrong way behind Ussop. “Well, aren’t you a strange one? Oh well, never mind! We need to get the show on the road, places people! Lights, cameras, action!” he called out as he strode away.

“Yosh! Let’s go!” Luffy cheered and hurried to his seat.

Chopper and Ussop shared a look. “Well, at least no one asked us where we were,” the sniper said.

Chopper nodded. “That’s good, right? That way Dr. Freeze’s machine will be a surprise! It will make everyone very happy. Come on, let’s go find our seats.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 19- Act 1

The show:

Silence fell in the auditorium. A lilting song drifted out over the hushed crowd. The curtains opened to reveal Brook, dressed in a ragged suit, very similar to the one he wore when he met Luffy for the first time. He played the violin softly, gracefully, drawing everyone’s attention and holding it. He held one final note for a long moment before letting it die. 

“This is the tale from a faraway land, a tale of savage seas, treacherous pirates, and longer than lifelong friends,” he said into the quiet. “It begins with my tale only because I lived it first, but it is not my tale alone. No, it belongs to us all. And soon it will belong to you too, to share as you will and so you may laugh and cry along with us. Thank you.”

The curtains closed and after a moment opened on  a set made to look like the deck of a ship. Actors dressed like pirates, all carrying instruments were lounging around while fake waves rolled past. A man with an afro and a violin danced out and started to play “Bink’s Sake.” Brook stepped out as he finished the song and sang a rousing song about his old crew, the Rumbar Pirates, and their newest friend, the baby whale, Laboon. 

"The Rumor Pirates could make even a crying baby smile

And from across the waves came the biggest baby, you've ever seen

Who just wanted to sing for a while!"

In the front row, the Straw-Hats cheered raucously for the little whale, brought to life by Franky’s skills and a flute. They were shushed, but didn’t seem to care at all. Luffy was practically bouncing in his seat.

“This was my first life,” Brook explained at the end of his song. “We sailed the seas until we decided to enter the most famous of waters, the Grand Line. But we knew that what awaited us there would be more dangerous than we had ever faced, so we had to say goodbye to our friend, Laboon.”

Brook sang a song that made everyone’s eyes water as he said goodbye. The pirates on stage joined him as the baby whale sank beneath the waves. The song continued on a more hopeful note as the pirates turned away from the sad farewell and sang of the upcoming adventure. 

A man dressed as the lighthouse keeper, Crocus, stepped forward and greeted them to show their arrival to the Grand Line. The pirates cheered, along with the audience, but then the flute started whistling again and they all fell silent. Luffy was the one who shouted out “Laboon!” just as the little baby whale appeared again.

“Yo ho ho ho, yes, my friends, Laboon followed us over Reverse Mountain into that most dangerous of seas. But we still couldn’t let him follow us, so we left him in the care of our new friend Crocus, and continued on with a promise to return.”

Brook looked sad they sang the farewell song again, but it quickly turned into more of a narrative, giving the audience some snip-its of Brook’s life as a pirates. The highs and the lows of that journey portrayed in song and dance until the final battle. 

The final battle of the Rumbar pirates was short and heart breaking. One by one the pirates fell, including the man playing Brook. Of course, after escaping, the doomed pirates played their last concert, the final message for Laboon, an apology for not fulfilling their promise to return. As the last pirate fell over their instrument, the lights went out and the curtains closed.

In the audience, no one had a dry eye, not even Batman, not that anyone could tell behind the mask. Luffy, Ussop, and Harley were the loudest bawlers. Franky swore he wasn't crying even as tears flowed down his face. Joker pulled out a comically big handkerchief and waved it around like a flag as he laughed through his tears. Nami and Catwoman cried on each other's shoulders and Batgirl sobbed quietly into Nightwing’s chest. 

Brook's laugh echoed through the room, silencing the audience. A green ghostly skull floated through the curtin and though someone screamed, everyone else leaned forward in anticipation. "Yo ho ho ho, and so I died," Brook announced dramatically. "But due to the cursed devil fruit, I did not go to my eternal rest, but wandered lost in the fog until I finally found my body." The curtin rose behind the ghost, and a spotlight focused on Brook's limp bones. "But so much time had passed that I was nothing but bones." Brook's spirit entered his body and the skeleton rose to his feet. "And so I lived, alone on a ghost ship for 50 years waiting for a chance to fullfil my promise to Laboon. And while I drifted through the cursed fog of the Florian Triangle, certain events occured which would eventually bring me here." He bowed and picked up his guitar and started to play. 

The audience recognized the tune as a modified version of Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirate King. A group of men dressed as pirates came out to sing Brook's version which gave a very brief explanation of the Gold Roger, king of the pirates. 

" For I am the Pirate King!

And I'll ensure for all to know

That I was best out of them all.

For I am the Pirate King, 

Hurrah for the Pirate King

I left the One Piece for any to find if they dare, 

To be the next Pirate King!"

The final verse was very dramatic, and ended with the king's execution making several members of the audience leap to their feet with emotion. The hero Robin in particular looked ready to leap on the stage and save the actor. Batman held him back with a hand on the boy's shoulder, but it was a close thing. Then the curtain fell again, leaving only Brook visible on the stage. 

While the stage crew set up for the next number, Brook explained about the pirate era. "The temptation of Gold Roger's treasure, the One Piece, drew men and women to the Grand Line looking for adventure, treasure, and freedom. Then, twenty years after Gold Roger's final words, a young man set out on his own adventure. All he had was a hat, a promise, and a dream."

Chapter Text

Chapter 20- Act 2

The curtain rose again. A small ship with a sheep's head as the figurehead sat proudly center stage while mechanical waves rolled lazily by. It was an impressive set, but that was no surprise with someone as skilled as Franky building it. Ussop burst into silent manly tears at seeing the representation of their old friend the Going Merry. 

A young man wearing a red vest, blue shorts and a straw hat came on stage. "My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and I'm going to be King of the Pirates!" he shouted proudly.

Luffy, from his seat in the front row, jumped to his feet. "No, I'm going to be King of the Pirates!" he shouted. Zoro grabbed the back of his shirt and forced him back in his seat with a muffled curse. 

Nami knocked her captain upside the head. "Idiot, he's supposed to be you," she hissed.

The actor, a little wide eyed from the interruption, glanced backstage but when Joker waved for him to continue he had no choice. He cleared his throat and started over. ""My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and I'm going to be King of the Pirates!"

He started singing about leaving home with only his hat, a promise and a dream. It was very touching and much deeper than the people who knew Luffy expected. Brook really dug deep into his captain's motivations, revealing that he wasn't just an air head out for adventure, he was a young man out to prove himself and show others what freedom really looked like. 

I'm a rubber man and my treasure is on my head

A straw hat from a great man who I promised to surpass

It's safer to stay at home, but I'd rather live free instead!

Luffy had  settled down and was really enjoying the show, nodding along with the music. Around him his crew all sent him understanding and affectionate looks. But when the music changed to a darker rhythm, they all burst out laughing. 

On stage a well built young man with dyed green hair was locked in stocks while a fatman with a fake ax for a hand declared his superiority.

Zoro groaned and hid his face. "Brook, you are a dead man, again. How did he even know about that?" 

Luffy laughed. "I told him. Oh man, that guy is just like Helmeppo's dad."

The guy with the ax hand threatened to kill "Luffy" who laughed at him and handed the restained Zoro three swords. The stocks popped open and together Zoro and Luffy beat up Ax Hand Morgan. Then the stage Zoro told the crowd that he was going to be the greatest swordsman in the world. 

After the thrilling rendition of Zoro deciding to join Luffy, it was Ussop's turn. The battle against the Black Cat pirates to protect his village was exciting. First stage Luffy defeated a pirate who was pretending to be a butler. Batman risked a glance back to Alfred and while the Englishman seemed unflappable, Batman knew he was deeply offended. 

Next Ussop's stand-in defeated a hypnotist with wild 70s style to save his love, Kaya, the crowd gave a standing ovation. Luffy was all smiles as he reached all the way down the row to clap his friend on the back. 

Next it was Sanji's turn to join the crew. A quick change of clothes had the Black Cat pirates dressed as chefs. They were the chorus as a woman with a deep voice and drawn on beard and curly eyebrow sang about the All Blue.

" North Blue, South Blue, East Blue, West Blue

They all come together to make the chef's dream

North Blue, South Blue, East Blue, West Blue

Every fish in the world swimming together,

Oh the dishes that I could create! Oh the Ladies I could impress!"

 A brief verse gave the only glimpse into Sanji's trauma that led him to Zeff, since Brook decided to focus on Sanji's love of cooking, women, and fighting. 

The real Sanji chewed on his cigarette, but even he had to admit the woman was pretty good, but he studiously ignored Zoro's attempts at teasing him. 

The next musical number started when pirates attacked the chefs. The stage Luffy, Zoro, Ussop, and Sanji fought off a glittery Don Krieg who could barely move under the fake armor. 

As the action on stage continued, the real Zoro slipped out of his seat to go backstage and reappear as Mihawk. He wore a cool hat and held a huge cardboard sword painted to look like his teacher's famous black blade. Just as Don Krieg pretended to fall beneath the waves, a victim of Luffy's gum gum pistol,  Zoro stepped forward and cut the fake Kreig's ship in half for real. The audience ohhed, making him smile just a little. The stage Zoro challenged him to a duel and after only two attacks Zoro knocked him down in a spray of fake blood. 

"My name is Dracule Mihawk! No matter how many years it takes, I will hold this title as the world's greatest swordsman. Grow stronger. Then seek me out and try to surpass me, Roronoa Zoro!" Zoro called out, remembering that day in perfect detail. 

The fake Zoro raised his sword and promised Luffy to never lose again. 

The curtain fell and silence reigned over the audience before they leapt to their feet, cheering. It took a minute for them to settle down and now the curtain rose on a replica of Along park. Nami reached over to squeeze Luffy's hand. This wasn't going to be easy for her, but she was surprised when Catwoman leaned forward to pat her shoulder comfortingly. Nami smiled at the former thief and kept watching. Brook had offered to let her play a part in this number but she had declined. She wasn't ready to reopen those wounds. 

The audience was transfixed as the Fishman Pirates explained their hatred of humans and listed their demands. Then a young woman dressed as Nami promised to join them if they let her buy back her village's freedom. The man representing Arlong with a hastily taped on sawnose, promised to let her buy the village for 100 million bellies. But when Nami offered him a bag of money a sniveling little man dressed as a marine stole it from her. 

"Guess you'll have to keep working as our navigator," Arlong laughed. 

"No she won't. She's our friend and no one makes Nami cry," the stage Luffy said, coming on stage. 

The stage Nami had a short solo asking for help and a fight broke out between the Strawhats and the Fishmen. It concluded with a dramatic collapse of the fake Arlong park. Franky had engineered it that way and it was very impressive. 

"Well," Luffy sang. "Now we go after the One Piece on the Grand Line!"

"Do you know how to get there?" Nami sang back.

Luffy shrugged. "It's a mystery!"

The audience laughed and Nami broke into a short but enlightening song about the geography of their world. 

" Sandwiches between calm seas full of monsters lays the Pirate's Graveyard and the promise of adventure.

The Grand line, Grand line, every pirates dream and bane

The sea flows up, above the clouds, a gateway to the Grand Line. 

Then down the mountain into Paradise, and the unpredictable waters of the Grand Line!"

Stage hands hurried to pull a fake paper mache mountain on stage and with some impressive lighting, and some mechanical magic, made it look like the Going Merry was climbing it. 

At the end of Nami's song. Stage Luffy laughed and said "See, it's a mystery. And now on to Grand Line!" 

The curtain fell and Brook came out. "That my friends was just the beginning of their journey and the start of their crew. More friends and adventures awaited them but now let's take a moment to catch our breath. Except I can't because I don't have lungs! Yo ho ho. Skull joke!"

Chapter Text

Chapter 21- Intermission

To keep the criminals and pirates away from the general public, Commissioner Gordon convinced his officers to bring refreshments to them while everyone else filed out to enjoy the spread Sanji was laying out for everyone, just some quick hors d'oeuvres and a few drinks. What had started as a hostage situation had become the biggest event in Gotham. Everyone who was anyone was there, plus anyone else who could get in.

 Batman was hyper-vigilant, as he scanned the crowd. The room was a powder keg, and any spark would set off an explosion that could destroy Gotham. He needed to be aware of every threat, every possible complication. 

Section four, fifth row, eighth seat. A woman had sat down, but an old man had gotten up to get refreshments. Obviously, Clayface had escaped in time to catch the show.Batman would need to check Arkham to see who else was missing.

Section two, second row, first seat. Roxie Rocket had snagged a seat as close to the front as she could. She was probably hoping for an adrenaline rush from a Joker attack. She was harmless and unlikely to start something in the crowd like this. 

Section five, row eight, thirteenth seat. Edward Nygma was trying to keep a low profile after his last escape from Arkham but he couldn't resist the show.  

Overall, the crowd was filled with supervillains and only a handful of heroes and police were keeping the powder keg under control. His hand rested on his belt, subconsciously seeking security in his equipment. A chilling laugh sent a shiver down his spine.

"Relax, Batsy," Joker said, idly fiddling with a champagne flute. "No one is going to start anything tonight. Look at how much fun we're having. No crime could compare and no one wants to risk angering each other." He snagged two more glasses from a passing police rookie pressed into server duty and passed one to Batman. When Batman didn't drink, Joker rolled his eyes and tinked their glasses together. "Chill, Mr. Doom and Gloom. Even I won't dare mess with the food or drink tonight. That chef, Sanji, already put the fear into all of us and while you won't kill, I don't think he cares."

Batman sighed but took a small sip to appease the clown. Joker laughed and went to talk to Penguin. Batman rid himself of the glass before joining a conversation with Commissioner Gordon, Nami and Catwoman. 

"I always wondered what he was doing with my logbooks late at night. I bet he's been working on this thing for years," Nami explained.

"Is that how it happened?" Gordon asked.

Nami shrugged. "Not exactly, he's taken a lot of artistic license. For example I was there for Syrup Village and the Black Cat pirates. And he left out our fight with Buggy."

"Who's Buggy?" Catwoman asked. She grinned at Batman as he got closer and moved to lean against him subtly.

"Buggy the Clown Pirate. We've had a couple run-ins with him. He almost killed Luffy in Logue Town. Sanji said the rubber idiot was saved by a bolt of lightning just seconds before he got his fool head cut off. We ran for our lives in the middle of a giant storm."

"Sounds like an exciting life you lead," Catwoman said with a smile. 

Nami laughed. "That is one way of putting it. We spend a lot of time running for our lives or fighting for them. But we have fun too and make lots of good friends. Wait till you see how we befriended a princess and saved her country. Brook promised to make it good."

Off to one side, a police man had said something that seemed to offend Harvey Dent. Two Face shouted at the man, drawing a double barreled pistol, and everyone froze. Except Luffy. The young pirate literally leaped over the crowd and landed between the two and took hold of the gun while behind him, hands sprouted from the officer's arms to keep him from drawing a weapon. 

"Hey, no fighting. This is Brook's show," the captain said with a smile.

Dent clenched his fists, but this time he decided to not take his chances on a coin flip. He nodded and holstered the gun. Then with a pat on the back that almost made him trip, he went back to his seat.

Everyone took a deep breath as the tension disappeared. Just then the lights flashed, signaling that the show was about to begin again.  Everyone eagerly returned to their seats, ready for more stories of the Strawhat Pirates.

Chapter Text

The curtain rose showing the Going Merry "racing" down the stage mountain toward a black wall. The orchestra built to a crescendo that had people on the edge of their seats, even though they had just sat down. Then the wall turned so the audience could see a giant eye that blinked at them before the little ship smacked into it in a bust of blue confetti. 

Now Brook took the stage, back in his rock star outfit, he strummed on his shark guitar. "Waiting for our heroes on the other side of Reverse Mountain was none other than Laboon, who was no longer a tiny helpless baby, but a true Island Whale."

With tears in his eye sockets, Brook started to sing with only his own guitar for accompaniment.

Alone and forgotten. Hopeless, but unwilling to give up.

Years of sorrow, waiting for the dead. 

Don't bash your head!

Laboon!

The song started soft and sad, but the rythem picked up and changed tones as Luffy, the real one stepped on stage. The tuba made a long sad sound. 

But cry no more, Laboon, for another comes

Who will bring the sun. 

A hat of straw upon his head, and a smile upon his face. 

He will leave a mark, a jolly Roger to greet each new pirate to this sea.

Laboon! I will see you soon!

While Brook sang, Luffy drew his ridiculous version of his own flag on the fake whale and when the song ended, he cheered with Brook while the whole trumpet section exploded with joyful noise. 

People clapped and Luffy took a bow before returning to his seat. Brook watched while the black wall was pulled away before sighing and started strumming again. 

"Adventure awaits our crew. Bounty hunters abound at the entrance to paradise and amongst them hides a princess. She saw the Captain's strength and begged him to help, to which he said of course… as long as you feed him."

He waited for the laughter to die down before waving in a pretty young woman in a pale blue wig. The orchestra started playing and after a minute, she started to sing. 

" Alabasta, land of wind and sand. 

Proud Alabasta, for ages you will stand

But now a new danger comes that you must face 

To save you, I must leave that place.

Against a foe that hides behind a number.

Mr. Zero I will hunt you down!

I won't let you break another town.

But I can't stand alone against a Warlord of the sea.

So , Captain, will you please, please fight with me?

She held the last note, while the music died and before anyone could clap, Luffy jumped up in his seat and shouted "Yosh!"

The audience laughed while Nami smacked her captain and reminded him, again, that this was just a play.

Brook laughed and as the fake Vivi left, Ussop stepped on stage, dressed up like a wild Viking and beating a small handheld drum.

His song, or rather chant, told the story of the first change of the Strawhat crew on the island, Little Garden. He spoke in wild exaggerations of the Giants of Elbaf, and the Great Captain Ussop. How he had to bravely face down the best officers of Baroque Works to save his crew and the Princess Vivi from being turned into wax sculptures and with the help of the trusty duck, he melted the wax and saved the day. 

Catwoman leaves over to Nami. "That can't be true, right?"

Nami laughed. "Surprisingly, he barely lied at all. In fact he forgot some parts like Zoro trying to cut off his feet or Luffy almost getting eaten by a dinosaur."

Catwoman blinked at Nami, trying to process it all. She sat back and just kept watching the show in the end. She'd think about it later. 

Ussop finished with a dramatic description of their escape from the giant goldfish before bowing and letting Brook retake the stage. 

"Yo ho ho ho. So they left the wildness, but not without consequences. Our poor navigator was overcome with a sickness, and our panicked crew needed to find her a doctor before she became like me. Yo ho ho, skull joke!"

Here the strings picked up a soft tune backed up by a humming choir. Then Brook described Drum Island in a song as soft as snow. He spoke in metaphor about the darkness of the king poisoning the country beneath the pure seeming snow. But there was a man who fought for a cure, a way to drive away the sickness in a country.

Chopper sat in his seat, crying silently. When Luffy noticed, he pulled the little reindeer into his lap and the rest of the crew reached over to touch their doctor to reassure him. But the tears only fell faster when a man dressed as his beloved doctor walked out. 

An unlikely name, Hiraluk

But he fought for anyone with cures that were worse than the disease,

A quack with a heart of gold.

He found a monster with a blue nose and instead of running away,

He adopted the cutest reindeer on the Grand Line.

The music faded off as the actor fell to his knees before a goofy looking King Wopal and said his last words. 

"Hey... When do you think a person dies? When a bullet from a pistol pierces his heart? No... When he's attacked by an incurable disease? No... When he eats a deadly poisonous mushroom soup? No! A man dies when people forget him." Then the actor drank a bottle of something and a burst of confetti that had all the heroes jumping, ready to fight, signalled the quack doctor's death.

Brook explained sadly of Chopper learning under Doctrine, until Luffy arrived carrying a sick Nami to ask for help. On stage an older lady gently hit the fake Luffy on the head and pointed at Wapol. The actor, who was starting to really get into his role, jumped up and took a swing at the fake king. 

Brook picked up with a fast paced song that was more about freedom and friendship than the fight that sent the fake king flying, but no one seemed to mind. Then everyone laughed when Luffy ran away from the old lady while clutching a teddy bear with a blue nose and deer antlers while a tree with pink flowers bloomed behind them, courtesy of Poison Ivy. 

The curtain came down at that point to give the stage crew time to set up the next set, which was a desert with a few buildings.  

The first on stage was the actors playing Luffy and Vivi. She looked properly distraught while Luffy looked pissed. They squared up against each other, clearly arguing. 

"This civil war is tearing my people apart. I don't want anyone to die. This is Crocodile 's fault. Why does anyone need to die?"

"People  die, you can't always stop it." Luffy shook his head. "Let me kick Crocodile's butt. Put our lives on the line too. We're Friends, Vivi."

She nodded and Luffy cheered. "Okay, which way?"

A man wearing a fur lined coat with a scar across his face, slicked back green hair and a golden hook for a hand came out and cackled. "Come and get me, Strawhat! I am made of desert sand and you can not even touch me!" 

Behind the Luffy and Vivi on stage, Nico Robin bloomed into place and took the girl captive. "Come, little princess," she said menacingly. "We need to talk about the secrets of Alabasta. Let's let the boys fight." 

While the Robin on stage dragged the struggling princess away, the Robin in the audience, her arms crossed as she used her abilities, smiled pleasantly. Batman, and several others, looked back to confirm that Clayface was still in his seat. The archeologist caught his look and merely winked before letting her double dissolve in a burst of flower petals backstage. 

The Luffy on stage ran at Joker with surprisingly little fear and started a mock fight that had the Clown laughing in glee. Batman wasn't comfortable with this idea at all and wondered if the liquid dripping off the hook was Joker gas or not. But he couldn't do anything without interrupting the show, which would probably lead to a riot at this point. 

The real Luffy had to be held back on his seat by Zoro to keep from joining the fight. 

Now it was time for Brook to continue the narrative. His song was rough and grating almost painful to listen to, but since it described a bloody civil war it was fitting. He explained about the lies Crocodile told the people until they rebelled against a king who fought to protect them all. He described the meaningless bloodshed in the final battle at the capital and the threat of a bomb hanging over their heads. Brook sang about the struggles of his crew as they fought the number agents and tried in vain to stop the fighting. Until, 

"Below the blood soaked ground, 

Deep in the hidden catacombs of forgotten kings

Our captain fought the bastard

Assisted by the turn coat, Nico Robin,

An enemy turned friend.

Luffy punched till he broke through to the sky,

Yow! And called the rains from Heaven!

Brook finished with a wicked guitar solo while the Luffy finally defeated Joker with a punch that sent the clown flying through the air with the help of wires and then blue confetti started fluttering down. 

The curtain came down and the crowd was on its feet clapping and whistling. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 23- Act 4

So far everyone loved Brook's show. Civilian, police, hero and rogue, they were all enjoying the story. Most people in the audience, mostly the ones who haven't personally met the pirates, thought it was just that: a story. But for the men and women who had spent most of the night running around after these young people, it was enlightening.

Batman saw Zoro look back to check on Alfred who smiled warmly at the swordsman, completely entertained. Catwoman kept whispering things to Nami, who laughed and whispered something back, probably explaining more details of the crazy events that the skeletal musician described. He needed to have a long talk with her after this. 

Then the curtain rose again. The crew, all wrapped hastily in bandages, were laying on what is supposed to be the deck of the ship. Then Vivi came out and started singing with Brook backing her up with a violin. 

" I went on an adventure,

Through a sea of darkness, of despair

But one little ship cut through it all 

To show me something rare.

Never losing its way, 

it could always find the light

Filled with people who would save the day

One day, they'll be Legends.

She paused and then yelled, her words echoing through the concert all. "You guys!"

The crew stood up and turned to face her, and they all looked so happy to see her.

In the audience, Nami and Chopper are sobbing while Ussop and Sanji had stoic faces while tears slowly leaked down their faces. Even Zoro looked affected but his eyes were dry. 

" I wish I could join you!

I want to sail the seas 

As a pirate with freedom to explore.

But I am a princess,

And my people need me.

I want adventure but I love my Country!

But, if some day,

On some distant sea, in some stranger time,

And we meet again

Will you still call me your friend?

The Luffy on stage stepped forward while the rest of the crew turned their backs and raised their arms, showing "x"s on their arms.

" I wish I could shout it from the highest point,

But if I did, you would be marked

So instead we show our intentions

With this most basic of inventions,

An "x" upon all our arms 

Is a sign of our everlasting Friendship!"

Brook let his music fill the silence for a minute then followed Vivi off the stage. The Strawhats moped around sadly when Robin walked out. The actors freak out and reach for weapons. 

"You saved me. Take responsibility for that. I'm joining your crew," Robin explained.

Actor Luffy laughed and said, "Okay!"

The crew and everyone in the audience laughed and the curtain came down again.

Ivy looked down the aisle at Nico Robin. "That's how you joined?"

Robin smiled and whispered back, "I did say that I helped a Warlord start a civil war."

Ivy blinked and sat back. "That's right, you did," she murmured to herself. 

The curtain rose on Nami talking to Luffy. "The compass is pointing up! What the hell? Are there islands in the sky?" 

Luffy laughed and said "Let's find out!"

Then Ussop came out with a chestnut hat and weaved one of his epic tales about Noland the liar and his city of gold. He banned himself as Mont Blanc Cricket and promised to help them ride the Knock- Up Stream to reach the sky. Then the crew pushed a renovated Going Merry onto the stage and the crew boarded with cheers. 

Brook came on to sing about the danger they faced by riding a literal volcanic explosion to catch a passing cloud. His fast paced music had the audience on the edge of their seats, and when he nodded to the orchestra and the cymbals clashed, several people jumped. Fog machines started blowing smoke out as Brook slowed down and took a minute to describe the paradise of a sky island. It was like heaven, populated by angels.

Then the lights flashed and the cymbals clashed again.

But beneath the pure white landscape,

A mighty storm is growing.

Clashing tribes and angry gods,

Await our mighty crew.

But they will face it all because in the skulls right eye,

The city of gold is waiting!"

In the front row, Luffy pouted. "He's not talking about the balls!"

Sanji rolled his eyes and lit a cigarette. "Shut up, the less said about that travesty the better."

The Gotham natives didn't know how to respond to that comment, so they collectively shook their heads and paid attention to the show.

" An invasive god, who stole the throne ,

kept the people under his thumb.

He’s made of lightning, pure electricity that none survive,

He bent over and winked at the audience, or well, tried since he didn’t have eyelids, or eyes.

“But a pirate from a distant shore, 

also made of an unnatural substance

is the perfect foil to this villain. 

See, Rubber is immune to the shock 

and the future king of the pirates knows no fear.”

Brook stepped back to let the actors come out, wheeling a giant fake beanstalk about 8 feet tall. The Straw-hats split up to fight men with sheep horns and people in tribal tattoos with feathers in their hair.  A spotlight lit up Brook on a piano, and he started a fast paced dancing song as a backdrop to the action. The actors performed a hastily choreographed version of some of the fights from Skypia, mostly focusing on Luffy’s confrontation with Enel. Most of the audience wouldn’t know but there were large parts of the adventure left out; like the whole nonsense with the giant gold ball on Luffy’s arm, which Nami was grateful for. Brook had also left out Luffy wandering around in the giant snake, in fact he left out the giant snake entirely. From talking with Joker, he had decided that detail was just a step too far for their new friends to accept. 

At one point “Luffy” climbed to the top of the beanstalk and yelled a challenge at Enel, who shouted back that he was going to destroy the whole island. The audience booed the villainous god, but they  cheered when Zoro and Wyper knocked down the beanstalk, so “Luffy” could tackle “Enel”. He knocked out the fake god and punched a gong, (the closest they had to a giant bell). 

“THE CITY OF GOLD WAS IN THE SKY!” Luffy yelled. 

“Nami” came forward to add, “And we finally have some treasure!”

The curtain came down to loud applause.

Chapter Text

Chapter 25 -Act 5

“He definitely  took liberties with that one,” Nami commented to Robin and Catwoman. “He made it sound so simple, and left out how many times we almost died.”

“Wait, that’s the dumbed down version?” Nightwing said from down the row. He leaned forward to look at the thieves in disbelief and exchange a look with Batman.

Batman shook his head in amazement. Catwoman leaned against his arm, her shoulders shaking with mirth. 

“I can’t believe he left out our snake friend,” Chopper said sadly. “He was really nice when he didn’t have Luffy rampaging in his stomach.”

Everyone who heard the reindeer turned to stare at the small creature. 

Luffy laughed. “Oh, yeah, the mystery cave. It took forever to get out. I missed most of the fight because of it.” 

Before anyone could comment, the curtain rose again. It was pretty impressive how quickly they were able to change scenes considering they never had a chance to rehearse. Either Brook was an incredible motivator or they were scared of Joker’s reaction if they messed up, or both.

Franky had gone all out on this set, building a replica of the outside of the Franky house to stand for Water 7.  In the front row, Ussop squirmed uncomfortably and Sanji glared daggers at the shipwright. 

Nami threw something at the cyborg. “Really? You couldn’t build something else from the city?”

Franky shrugged his enormous shoulders. “It’s Supah!” he said unapologetically.

"Wait, is he skipping the Davy back fight?" Ussop asked. "What about the afro?"

Nami groaned. "Shut up about that stupid afro. It's dumb."

"Never underestimate the power of an afro," Sanji said.

Brook strummed his guitar as he lamented the damage the beloved Going Merry had sustained.

" A pirate's ship fills many needs,

Transport, weapon, home,

Without it, there'd be no historic deeds

But a ship is not like a man

Who heals and grows stronger,

And a ship with a broken kneel can sail no longer.

Actress Nami came out on stage, with Ussop and Luffy behind her.

"This man is a notorious pirate, worth 100 million beris. So don't you dare cheat us. We need the money to repair the Going Merry!"

"Woohoo! Three hundred million beris will definitely save our ship!" cheered Luffy.

Brook strummed on an acoustic guitar, a sad melody that seemed to weigh on the audience. "But it was not meant to be. Not only was the ship beyond repair, but there was dark forces at work in the city of water. A family of thugs stole our heroes' money, driving a wedge between friends, while the vile government blackmailed our lovely archaeologist to betray her new crew."

The actors for Luffy and Ussop stepped out on a cleared stage. The Strawhats in the audience held their breath. None of them had expected Brook to tell this part and it was bringing back some bad memories. 

"The Franky Family stole our money!" Ussop yelled from his side of the stage. "I'm sorry I let you down, but we have enough left to fix our ship right?"

"No, Ussop. I decided we have to say good bye. We'll find a new ship, a stronger one," Luffy answered gravely.

"So you just abandon your friends when their weak? Maybe you should abandon me too! I never fit in with you monsters anyway," Ussop shouted, his voice wavering with emotion. 

"Ussop, please."

"No, if you want to leave the Merry, you have to leave me too. I'll fight you for her!" Ussop stepped forward and took a swing at Luffy. The actors took the very real hit but stood his ground while "Ussop" hit him three more times. 

Luffy finally punched Ussop in the gut. "There was no way you could defeat me. You knew that." He looked up, like he was fighting back tears. "Do what you want with the Going Merry. We'll get a new ship and keep moving forward." He reached up to place his straw hat on his head, covering his eyes and walked off stage. 

The inner curtains came down, hiding the fallen Ussop. A heavy silence fell over the theater and Brook stepped out. 

"A fight between Nakama is never easy," he explained, not even bothering to strum his guitar. "And loss of their home is just as hard. But they could not rest because a darkness from the past had come after Nico Robin, devil child. See, she had been a wanted woman from young age because of her knowledge of the past and the government had finally caught up to her. They threatened to annihilate her new friends, who had given her back her life, her hope, her dream and only asked for her friendship in return. How could she risk their lives against such an unimaginable foe? And if that wasn't enough for our crew to face, the storm of the century is bearing down, bringing a tsunami of epic proportions. How will they survive?"

The curtain came up on the Strawhats facing off against CP9. They didn't look like the real thing, since Brook and Joker had to work with what they had, but the stand in Lucci at least had a stuffed bird on his shoulder and Kakku had a square nose taped to his face. Kalifa, originally a sexy secretary, was played by the same older  lady who played Kureha during Drum Island, and Blueno was a guy with cow horns. 

"Give Robin back!" Luffy yelled. 

"Just try. She made her choice," Lucci shot back and when Luffy tried to hit him, he dodged and  threw the other man across the stage. "Everyone on the train!" he ordered, as a small version of the sea train, pulled by ropes off stage, pulled up behind them. "And bring that thug, Franky. Our boss has questions for him."

In the audience, Franky crossed his arms with a loud clank. "I wish I had time to make an engine for the model," he griped. 

"Only you would complain about something like that," Nami said, rolling her eyes. "Now quiet."

"We can't let them get away! We'll have to take another train," Luffy yelled.

"There isn't another sea train! And Aqua Lagoona, a giant wave, is coming!" 

"I know of another train," said a new actress. She was actually one of the seamstresses working for the theater but when the Strawhats met her, they all said she needed to play Old Lady Kokoro. It was all in the hair and the bottle she kept sneaking a drink from. “But a warning, you're taking your life in your hands if you ride it. It's a runaway train.”

A ragtag group came out and fell on their knees. “Please let us come with you! We have to save our Big Bro Franky. We're sorry we stole from you, but we'll make it up to you if only you let us come!”

Luffy shrugged. “Okay, if you can keep up!”

The orchestra picked up a slow chugging song, reminiscent of a train starting up. Franky shouted with excitement when the assembled Strawhats, minus Ussop and Robin started singing loudly.

“ Chugga chugga, choo,

Puffing Tom, where are you?

Chugga chugga ching

Watch out for who I will bring!

Pirate who have lost a friend

And gangsters who need their Bro!

Chugga chugga, choo!

There's nothing the sea can do

To stop this crew. 

Aqua Lagoona can't be stopped by guns or bombs,

But a bazooka and cannon will punch right through!”

The actors faced off against a towering wave. The Franky family fired their weapons at it but it didn't move. Then Luffy and Zoro stepped up. 

“Three hundred pound cannon!” They shouted and knocked the wave over. 

“Onward to rescue Robin!” Luffy shouted. 

The curtain fell and everyone leapt to their feet, frankly disturbed by the cliff hanger. Even knowing that Robin would be saved, as evidenced by her presence in the audience, people were wondering how the Strawhats would pull this one off and what would happen with Ussop. 

In the front, Sanji was fuming. “Mosshead got his moment, but he left out my princely efforts. I'm going to boil his bones.”

A hand appeared to pat him on the back. “It was a good effort,” Robin said from down the row.  “If I had tried working with you instead of against you, we might have gotten away.”

Ussop was crying, and trying to hide it while Chopper patted his shoulder. “Merry,” he sobbed. “I miss her!”

Luffy nodded and stretched to pat his friend’s shoulder too. “We all do.”

One of the cast snuck out to call Ussop backstage. “Boss says we need you for the Sniper King Reveal.”

Luffy tipped his head inquisitively. “Why are you singing for Sniper King?”

Ussop rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, well, you see, since he's obviously not here, someone needed to play him, and since he's my friend I said I'd do it. Yeah, that's right.”

Chopper nodded seriously. “Of course. You will do him proud, Ussop.”

Ussop laughed nervously, “Of course I will, cause I'm totally just his friend not because I'm Sniper King or anything.” 

He got up and followed the cast member backstage while the non-gullible Strawhats rolled their eyes and shook their heads. The heroes and rogues shared looks of confusion, but no one bothered to explain the inside joke.

Then the music started again and everyone turned their attention back to the show.

Chapter Text

Chapter 25: Act 6 Enies Lobby

Brook came out laughing. “Yo ho ho ho! So our crew is in dire straits. Chasing after the dear Nico Robin, they faced enormous odds, so what do they need? A hero!”

The real Ussop, dressed as Sniper King complete with mask and cape, came out to sing his theme song. When backed by an orchestra and a couple back up singers, it was pretty impressive, but honestly it seemed a little out of place. The audience was more interested in what was happening with the crew than a random solo. But the Strawhats in the front row cheered loudly and no one dared complain.

“My friend, Ussop, explained you needed some help so I'm here to back you up, Straw-hat Luffy,” Sniper King explained. “Now, let's go get your crewmate back!”

After that, Brook came out and started up his song. It was fast, frantic, and chaotic. The whole cast was on stage in a dozen different fake fights. Brook described the crashing Rocketman, the fights between the Franky Family and the Marines, and even Luffy's fight with Blueno, underlined by a very quick beat and a talented flute player. It was kinda similar to Korsakov’s Flight of the Bumblebee. 

A sea of foes 

A small dedicated team

Nothing will stop them

Everywhere they go

Everyone says

“What are they thinking?”

To which their only reply

“Give back our Nakama!”

The song finished in a flourish as all the extras fell flat, leaving just the Strawhats (and Sniper King) facing against CP9, with a tied up Franky and Robin behind them.

The real Robin hid her face in her hands while every crew member who could reach laid a hand on her in comfort. Brooks had asked her if she wanted a solo or what she wanted to say here, but she declined. She just wanted to get through it. 

“Robin! Tell me you want to live. We're not scared of the government. We're not scared of CP9 and we're not scared of the Buster call. We’ll burn their flag and beat their asses. So say it!”

The Robin clone screamed out with the same desperation of that long ago day. “I want to live. Take me with you back to sea!”

“Yosh, let's go!”

The acting Strawhats and the acting CP9 paired off into the fights from back then. Chopper vs Kumadori; Sanji vs Jabra; Nami vs Kalifa; Franky vs Fukurou; Zoro vs Kaku; and of course Luffy vs Rob Lucci. 

“Yohohoho, I call this one, Pirate’s Punching Zoo,” Brook announced as the orchestra started up again. This song sounded more like Brook’s new Soul King style. Very rock and roll with occasional solos from different instruments. It was an impressive piece of music that highlighted the insanity on stage. Each pair faced off and fought while the spot light was on them, then the spot light would move and they would freeze. 

“ Welcome to the zoo, the zoo, the zoo

Welcome to the Pirates’ punching Zoo.

Punch a long neck giraffe in the face of you can reach or merely slice his belly

Or kick a wolf across the street and stomp his knees to jelly

Careful headbutting that sheep,

 She's a slippery one.

And that's a man, but don't be fooled, he moves like a kraken.

Welcome to the zoo, the zoo, the zoo

Welcome to the Pirates’ punching Zoo.

Don't bother being gentle, they certainly won't. 

So punch that leopard in the face and make him wish he was like me, 

JUST BONES!

It was chaotic and insane, but surprising quick and despite six fights happening at the same time, the spotlight kept everything clear. Little Chopper used Kumadori’s hair to fling him off stage, Franky just punched Fukurou in the face a few times, and Nami threw black sponges at Kalifa who pretended to get electrocuted. Zoro and Sanji’s opponents put on animal masks and Sanji’s actor pulled a yellow and orange leg warmer on to show as his Diable Jambe. 

Finally, the only ones left standing are Luffy and Lucci. Everyone held their breath as the music reached a crescendo. 

Welcome to the Zoo!

Only that dumb kitty cat left,

So take him down captain. 

Show him pain, show him grief

Show him why no one takes our crew! 

Welcome to the zoo, the zoo, the zoo

Welcome to the Pirates’ punching Zoo

Where pirates punch their way in,

Then punch their way ooouuutt!

Oh yeah!

Luffy punched Lucci in the chest and Lucci clawed him back. Luffy went to one knee, while all the Strawhats gathered on one end of the stage and when Sniper King shouted at Luffy to get up and finish it, Luffy stood up and wound up for a punch that looked like it sent Lucci flying across the stage and into the air! The audience gasped as the ragged CP9 agent collapsed on the edge of the stage. A handcuffed Robin raced across the stage so Sniper King could wield the keys to unlock her and they could all hug. Then a crash of cymbals marked the rise of all the marine extras rushing onto the stage. 

Joker, with straps on his face, came out. “You'll never get away Strawhat! I'll burn this whole island to the ground before I let Nico Robin go free.” 

Luffy stuck out his tongue. “Jerk face, nothing is going to stop us.” He stopped and turned to the audience. “Wait, did you hear that?” A flute player twittered for a second.

SniperKing pulled back his mask and raised a hand to his ear. “I do. You don’t think?”

Robin stepped forward. “It is!”

The model Going Merry was pulled on stage! A voice from off stage called. “I'm here to save you, let us sail one last time!”

Everyone shouted, “Merry!”

And the curtain went down. 

After a few minutes, where the audience was getting restless, the curtain came up again, showing the pirates back on their beloved ship on the sea. 

Brook strolled out back with his trusty violin. He played idlely while he spoke.

“Yes, the Going Merry, the Stawhat’s dear little ship that could, made her own way through rough seas and treacherous currents just in time to carry our crew away from the attacking marine armada. Behind them, the marine attack decimated the island, ruining the seat of Marine Justice for generations. Humiliated, they put a price on every head of the crew, even our sweet Dr. Chopper. (“That doesn't make me happy, you bastard,” Chopper cried from the audience.) But first, it was time to say good bye.”

The song he played sounded like “Oh Danny Boy,” and made nearly everyone in the building cry. 

“Oh Merry Go,

The seas, the seas are calling

From every Blue and across the Grand Line.

We sailed together for so long, even from the skys, we came falling. 

It's time, it's time to say good bye

We’ll know you can see us from that meadow, 

A summer filled with flowers and not the dark bottom of the sea

And so we'll sail in your memory and we need you to know

Oh Merry Go, oh Merry Go, we love you so.”

The acting Strawhats openly cried as they waved their ship goodbye as it drifted off the stage. The strawhats in the front row were bawling too, and even the most stoic in the audience had to wipe away a tear.  

After a minute, while everyone tried to get control of themselves, the acting Franky shouted clearly. “Don't you worry, Strawhats. I'll make you a Supah ship. One worthy of the king of the pirates!”