Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I need to tell you something.” Mike felt like he was going to burst at the seams. This was one of the first moments that he’s had a clear thought since Vecna spread the Upside Down throughout Hawkins, and frankly, if he doesn’t get this out, he is quite literally going to explode.

Lucas is stunned for a good moment or two before he nods. “Okay, spill.”

“You have to promise not to tell anyone else what I’m going to tell you, alright? Not…Not even Will. Please.”

“Not Will? Shit, this must be serious.” Mike nods. “Okay. I promise. It’ll stay between us.”

“Good…good. Thank you, really.”

“Of course.” 

Mike finds himself at a loss for words as he sinks down to the floor, his back against his bed, his head hitting Lucas’ knee. He let his head rest against him, taking a deep breath as he flapped his hands in his lap, quickly forming them into fists for half a second.

His exhale is shaky, and he knows why he feels like he’s on the verge of a panic attack but also doesn’t. It’s just Lucas , he thinks. Just Lucas.

But what he wanted to say…

How do I tell my one of my best friends that I’m in love with my best and closest friend…?

“You okay, Mike?”

Mike nods, still finding it hard to speak. He’s sure Lucas can see that he’s lying – after all, he’s staring into his lap, fixated on the rings he wore, tears pricking at his eyes. And he still wasn’t speaking.

“Answer honestly, Mike.”

Mike lets out a shaky exhale and shakes his head. He didn’t bother looking up from his lap, instead deciding to fixate on spinning his rings around his fingers – a trick he picked up from Eddie. Spinning the rings gives him something else to focus on.

“You’re nervous,” Lucas says after a minute or two, being ever so observant per usual. “Considering this is something you won’t even tell Will, who you tell everything to, this must be pretty serious.”

Mike nods, still focused on his rings.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

I do , Mike thinks. If I don’t tell you I swear I am going to explode.

Just my luck I got too overwhelmed to open my damn mouth.

Mike puts more weight against Lucas, leaning more into him, his own indication that he wants to tell him and that he trusts him – even if he probably doesn’t know it.

I want to tell you.

Mike cracks his knuckles, deciding to focus on something else until he feels alright to speak again, flapping his hands afterward. He feels like he is going to explode. 

He felt particularly useless for a moment or two. He worried Lucas about something so important he can’t even tell Will , and now he can’t even speak.

But then Lucas ruffles his hair, in a similar way he and Will both used to when they were kids. Lucas would do it rarely, when Mike was stuck silent like he was now. The last time he did was after Will’s ‘funeral’ when they were twelve. Mike had barely spoken the whole day – too overwhelmed to do so – and Lucas had stayed the night in his basement. They watched Star Wars and…they were actually in a similar position to how they are now: with Lucas having sat on the couch and Mike on the floor. And Lucas ruffled his hair, saying that they were going to find Will and that things would be okay. Mike was glad Lucas ended up being right, even if Lucas didn’t believe his own words when he’d said them.

“We can just sit here until you feel alright to talk.”

Mike nods, tapping T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U against Lucas’ leg in Morse Code, so he can speak without speaking.

It’s silent for a while, only Mike’s heartbeat pounding in his ears. The silence felt nice, as did the hand in his hair. Mike’s pretty sure Lucas was trying to braid it, actually. Either way, it felt comforting. After California and Will and Vecna and… everything , it was good to have some feeling of normalcy. 

It was calming.

It took a few minutes – with Mike trying to focus on anything but the spiraling thoughts in his head, instead focusing on Lucas playing with his hair and letting himself stim just a bit more openly, keeping them small until Lucas comments that he doesn’t need to stifle his stims.

Mike flaps his hands, letting himself be more open, thanking him in a small voice. It felt weird to talk. 

“Of course.”

Mike stays quiet a bit longer, and Lucas is focused on braiding his hair. He could feel the occasional pull of hair strands but didn’t mind it in the slightest. 

“Sorry…I…I just…I kinda just shut down there. I’m way too nervous about this because you’re the only person who knows – will know – this and I think my nerves just got to me and I shut down in front of you. I’m so sorry if I worried you or whatever just-” Mike continues flapping his hands as he talks, getting cut off by Lucas as he continues to ramble.

“Don’t apologize, Mike. This isn’t the first time you’ve shut down like this…remember 1983?” Mike nods. He'd rather forget about 1983 entirely, but he knows all too well that isn’t the case. “You spent the first day after Will disappeared holed up in your basement…thinking some self-deprecating thought I’m sure, and you’d completely shut down…” Mike nods, relaxing more against Lucas’s leg, hoping it didn’t get in the way of what Lucas was doing. “I came over and you and I watched movies in the basement and it was a lot like this.”

“You played with my hair as I cried into a blanket…” Mike remembers, muttering. “I’d…I’d lost Will and I was a mess…and you tried to make me feel better. You’ve done it for years, the hair-thing…honestly it’s the only normal thing I have now…everything else went to shit…mostly my fault though.”

“Is that why you want to talk to me about whatever you’d like to talk to me about rather than Will?”

“Kind of…it’s confusing.”

“I told you it’d stay between us.”

You’re too nice , Mike thinks to himself, still flapping his hands in his lap. He took a deep breath, exhaling shakily. He was still nervous – he hadn’t stopped being nervous, in all honesty – but he really needed to tell Lucas.

Suddenly, his mouth worked faster than his brain, and he was rambling about Will and his feelings for him and how he couldn’t believe that it took the world practically ending for him to figure it all out.

“I think I’ve felt this way since I met him…I’m so stupid for taking so long to figure it out and I was so horrible to Will and El too…I’ve said and done too much horrible shit because I couldn’t figure myself out…Hell, I can’t even love El like I’m supposed to. I love her, but not in that way. I love Will that way. Not El…I don’t think I ever have. God, I’m a fucking mess…” Mike barely realized he was crying again, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I’m in love with Will…” He admits after a few seconds, eyes trained on the floor. “I uh…I think I always have been…I think it’s always been him…”

Mike looks up at Lucas for a minute before looking back down, too nervous, unable to read his expression. “So…uh…yeah…” he mutters after a second, still looking down at his lap, fiddling with the silver rings on his fingers. He trusted Lucas, of course. The two of them were best friends – but he was still worried about the outcome of all this. 

After all…admitting that you’re gay in 1980s rural Indiana rarely ever goes well.

“Uh…oh…” Lucas starts, sounding like he was at a loss for words. Mike looks up just then, barely looking Lucas in the eyes, worry etched on his face. “W-Well that’s uh…I guess you and Will have always been….know, special -”

Mike quirks his eyebrow, essentially trying to question “What the hell does that mean?” – he’s met by stutters from Lucas.

“W-Wait! I uh…I didn’t mean it like that ! I mean you guys’ relationsh- friendship -” Lucas sighs, muttering “Let me start over. Just- you and Will…you two have always been different than…let’s say you and me, you know? It’s good – it also makes a lot more sense, too, why you’re like that with Will. But, anyways, what’s most important is that you’re happy , Mike. You deserve it, and Will definitely does too. And you know we all love you no matter what.”

Mike wipes his eyes, barely registering that he’d been crying while Lucas was talking to him, pulling him into a hug with a teary mutter of “Thanks, Lucas.”

“Of course,” Lucas replies, speaking softly as he hugs Mike back just as tight as he was being hugged. “I mean what I said about you and Will being happy, by the way. And I think you might have a chance, too…”

“Don’t give me false hope, Sinclair,” Mike mutters into the crook of Lucas’ neck.

“I said might . I could be wrong, but a few things I’ve noticed have clicked into place recently. Just talk to Will and El and clear things up. You don’t need to tell them you like guys if you don’t feel comfortable to. Just talk to them, because we both know you haven’t been the best to them.”

Mike nods. “I know.”

“No better time than the end of the world, Mike.”

“There are plenty of better times than the end of the world,” Mike mutters. “Especially when you’re the people saving it…”

“You know what I mean. Just talk to them and clear things up.”

Mike nods again. “I will. They deserve an apology or explanation or just…something.” He sighs, putting all his weight against Lucas. 

He can feel Lucas nod, as well as the rumble of his voice as he speaks. It’s oddly comforting.

“I hope everything goes well with them when you talk to them.”

“Me too.” Mike mumbles. “I’ll talk to them later…I just…don’t think I can do it right now.”

“Do it whenever it feels right.”

Mike nods again. “I just…I don’t know what they’d say, and I don’t know how I’d even tell them anything…”

“I can’t fully help you, Mike, and I sound like a broken record, but just speak from the heart. And apologize for being an ass. Will and El are very important to you, and I know you don’t want to lose them in any way…but just talk to them. They should understand where you’re coming from.”

Mike nods, humming in agreement. “I should- I will. Th-Thank you…Lucas. For everything.”

“Course. I hope everything goes well with Will and El when you talk to them.”

“Me too…” Mike mutters, looking up at Lucas as he separated himself from him, taking up the remainder of the space on the couch. His eyes were drooping from how exhausted he was. The last half hour – or however long it’s been – took a lot out of him.

And this is why I suck at expressing my emotions. Or at least partly why.

“Want to watch Star Wars ?”

Mike nods, his head falling on Lucas’ shoulder. “Can we watch Empire Strikes Back ?”

“Course.”

Mike moves his head from Lucas’ shoulder, rubbing his eyes as Lucas gets up to put the cassette in to start the movie.

“ Empire Strikes Back is my favorite movie…” Mike tiredly mumbles as Lucas joins him on the couch.

“You made Dustin, Will, and I watch it nearly a hundred times when it first came out. You can recite the whole thing from memory – I know it’s your favorite.”

“Sorry ‘bout that…”

“Ah, it’s alright, none of us were annoyed with it.”

Mike smiled softly, head falling onto Lucas’ shoulder once more, focusing on the movie. He eventually falls asleep about halfway through it, completely exhausted. He makes a mental note to gift Lucas something or do something for him to thank him for all he’d done, feeling safe as he fell asleep.