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Chapter Text

The sun stood high above Falme, making everyone sweat. The city still tried to recover from the Seanchan. The invaders had disappeared thanks to the help of the Whitecloaks, but now the Whitecloaks had taken over the city.

Countless people had been injured during the attack and were in need of medical attention. But the Whitecloaks were more interested in finding every Seanchan who hid in the city. Additionally, they searched for Aes Sedai and the Dragon Reborn.

Since the big fire dragon had appeared over Falme – announcing Rand as the Dragon Reborn – the young man from the Two Rivers had to stay hidden, barely getting outside. Luckily, he wasn’t alone because Perrin kept him company. The former blacksmith had angered one of the Whitecloaks, and now they were after him. It even seemed they were more interested in Perrin than in Rand.

Slowly, Moiraine walked through the streets, carefully observing everything around her. A few days ago, she and Lan had reached Falme after the battles had been over. It had taken quite a while until they found Rand in the chaos. But the most disturbing part had been when they realized all five Emond’s Fielder were in Falme. Min’s words had rung in Moiraine’s ears that all of them were connected somehow.

They didn’t have much time to coordinate before the Whitecloaks took over the city. Every way out of the city was blocked by the Children of the Light. Lan had tried multiple times to find a way out of the city but always returned with no good news.

Anxiously, Moiraine waited day by day for their enemies to leave the city. If they didn’t disappear soon, it was possible the White Tower would send Sisters to Falme. Since Siuan had changed their plan regarding the Dragon Reborn, Moiraine couldn’t risk an encounter with her Sisters.

Would Siuan risk going to Falme herself? Was she even strong enough for the journey? The woman of the Blue Ajah could only hope her lover had been found and healed. Alanna and Verin had known about their destination, but Moiraine wondered if they dared to stay in Cairhien. Verin had tricked Leane to free Rand and the Blue Sister. It would do her no good if she stayed. Siuan would have to punish her for going against the Amyrlin’s wishes.

And Alanna? How much did she really know? How much did Lan tell her? Could she pretend she heard about Moiraine’s plan but couldn’t stop her? No. If a Sister decided to dig deeper into her story, Alanna couldn’t lie about her involvement. She had to-

Moiraine’s thoughts came abruptly to an end when she collided with another person. Because of the impact, the Aes Sedai stumbled backward, then landed on her butt. Pain moved through her body, and she grimaced. Small stones pierced her palms and her butt. At least the latter was protected by her dress, yet the fall didn’t go smoothly.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

Surprised, the Aes Sedai lifted her head when she heard the angry male voice. They both hadn’t checked… Immediately, she closed her mouth when she noticed the white clothes, the shiny cloak, and the golden sun on the chest of the two men before her. She had run into a Whitecloak!

“Can’t you speak, woman?”

Quickly, Moiraine kneeled and bowed her head. For days, she avoided the Children of the Light, and now, she ran into one because she didn’t pay attention to her path.

“Forgive me, Sir. I wasn’t paying attention. It won’t happen again.”

Ignore me and keep moving, idiot.

Sadly, the man didn’t intend to let her slip. “Stand up!” When Moiraine hesitated, the Whitecloak grabbed her by the throat, pulling her to her feet. “I said, stand up!”

The Cairhien woman couldn’t stop herself from grabbing his hand, trying to loosen his grip so she could breathe properly again.

“I don’t believe I remember seeing you at the camp. Have you been questioned by Child Bornhald or Child Valda yet?”

Now, Moiraine was glad the man strangled her. This way, she couldn’t answer him. A fact, the Whitecloak didn’t realize. Instead, he continued with his questions.

“Have you seen the man who calls himself the Dragon Reborn?”

“Everyone saw him,” Moiraine breathed. “It’s hard… not to see… a gigantic… fire dragon.”

“I don’t talk about the creature one of those witches has created!” The man who choked her shook her in frustration. “I talk about the man who thinks he can use magic like the bloody Aes Sedai! Have you seen him?!”

Moiraine’s thoughts were running. Blood and ashes! She needed to end that conversation before those men asked her about Rand’s whereabouts. The First Oath kept her from lying!

“On that day… I saw him… after the battle… was over.”

Cursing, the Whitecloak stepped closer, bringing their faces together. Moiraine wanted to cough when she smelled the wine. He must have drunk not long ago. But she couldn’t even turn her head away.

“I want a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’, woman! And you better hurry before I lose my patience and bring you to Child Valda myself!”

“I saw him,” Moiraine croaked.

“Where is he? Where is he hiding?!”

“Days ago,” the Aes Sedai managed to say. Light, she needed air! When would that idiot let go of her?

“Days ago?! We don’t want to know where he had been days ago! We need to know where he is now!”

Black spots appeared before Moiraine’s eyes. In his anger, the Whitecloak tightened his grip on her, making it impossible for her to breathe. How long would it take for her to collapse?

“Alys!”

A familiar male voice moved through the darkness. Where had she heard it before? Was he there to help her?

“Greetings, Sir. I hope my wife didn’t bother you?”

Wife? She wasn’t married! But Moiraine couldn’t protest. The darkness pulled at her while the sound of her running blood became louder in her ears. Only snippets of the Whitecloak’s answer reached her ears.

“… wife?... ran… me… admitted… seeing… Reborn.”

“… forgive… Sir… gets… thoughts… I keep… eye… but… slips… fingers.”

Suddenly, the Whitecloak let go of her. Immediately, Moiraine’s legs gave way, then an arm wrapped around her back to steady her, keeping her from hitting her head painfully. Gasping, Moiraine pulled as much air as possible into her lungs.

Finally, her vision cleared, and she recognized the warm presence beside her, as well as the familiar smell. Lan had found her, saving her from the Whitecloak. Would he be able to convince the man to let them go?

Her body protested when Lan pulled her back on her feet. They weren’t strong enough to carry her. Luckily, Lan seemed aware of her momentarily weakness. His arm around her waist kept her upright, just like his hand on her arm.

“Apologize, Alys.”

Anger rolled through Moiraine at Lan’s demand, and she ensured he felt it through the bond. However, she put on a polite smile and bowed respectfully. “Forgive me my clumsiness, Sir.”

The Whitecloak growled, turning his attention toward Lan. “Have you seen the Dragon Reborn?”

“I don’t think anyone has seen him since he appeared on that tower, Sir. It seems like he went into hiding.”

An agreeing humming was the only response to Lan’s words. Suddenly, the other Whitecloak joined the interrogation. “What about the blacksmith?”

Lan furrowed his forehead in confusion. “You search for a blacksmith? I believe there is one a few streets-“

“Not a blacksmith from Falme! We search for a foreigner. Apparently, he came from the Two Rivers.”

“The… Two Rivers?” Moiraine could hear how Lan played dumb as if he had never heard of the little village before. “Can’t say I have heard of that city before.” Luckily, Lan wasn’t bound by the First Oath, unlike Moiraine. “Is it close to Falme?”

The Children of the Light sighed heavily, then shook their heads in disappointment. “Never mind.” The second man gave Moiraine’s assaulter a gentle nudge on the back. “Come on, man. They don’t know anything.” He started to walk away without saying another word.

Sadly, Moiraine’s assaulter wasn’t satisfied with the situation. He grabbed Moiraine’s chin, pulling it up until he could look her in the eye. The woman of the Blue Ajah forced herself to remain calm. They would never get rid of them if she gave them a reason to investigate further.

Lan’s fingers dug into her arm and waist, and she felt his own anger through the bond. The Malkieri didn’t like the Whitecloak’s fingers on her and had to fight against all his instincts not to hurt the man before him.

“Don’t let your wife run around without your supervision. One day, she’ll end up with someone who won’t be as nice as I am.” Moiraine gritted her teeth. Nice? That man had choked her! “Maybe a disciplining will help her to remember listening to her husband.” The Whitecloak grinned wickedly. “A burning butt is always a good reminder not to forget something important again.”

“That’s an excellent idea, Sir.” It became harder for Lan to keep his calm. Moiraine could hear the biting tone in his voice. Her Warder was close to strangling the man before her. “I will see to it once we’re back at home.”

Luckily, the man from the Children of the Light didn’t notice Lan’s anger. Satisfied, he nodded, then released Moiraine.

Both Moiraine and Lan bowed respectfully. “Light be with you, Sir.”

The Whitecloak snorted, then turned and followed his brother. He didn’t look back once.

“Come, wife.” This time, Lan didn’t try to hide his anger. He didn’t care what the other citizens thought about his reaction – if he was angry at the Whitecloak or his wife for putting him in such an embarrassing situation. Light, not even Moiraine could tell right now what angered him more.

The uncrowned king of Malkier guided the Cairhien woman through the crowd. Luckily, her feet carried her again, though they couldn’t keep up with Lan’s pace. She stumbled after him more than actually walking.

Once they had brought a distance between themselves and the Whitecloaks, Lan pulled Moiraine into a narrow dark alley between two houses, pressing her against the wall with his body. His body trembled from the suppressed anger while his hands tilted her head back to examine the damage the Whitecloak’s fingers had left on her skin.

“I’ll be alright,” Moiraine whispered, but her words didn’t stop Lan from slowing down.

“Where else did he touch you before I arrived?” Blood and ashes! The man was angry.

“Nowhere.”

“I felt your pain!” Lan growled. “And that was before you almost blacked out because that scumbag strangled you!”

“I fell after I crashed into him, and the stones poked my hands.”

Immediately, Lan’s attention turned to her hands, examining them thoroughly. There were no stones left – or an actual injury – but the Malkieri ensured he didn’t miss anything.

“My butt hit the ground, too. Do you want to examine it next?” The Aes Sedai mocked her Warder in a playful tone.

But Lan wasn’t in the mood for jokes. When he realized Moiraine’s hands weren’t damaged, he let go of her, leaning against the opposite wall with his back and closing his eyes. The man from the Borderlands fought hard to control his anger.

“Lan.” Moiraine kept her voice gentle when she reached out for him.

“Don’t.”

She wasn’t sure what he wanted her to stop and decided it wasn’t important. She would ignore it either way. “Lan.” Gently, she reached out for him, placing her hands on his chest.

“I failed you.”

“Don’t be silly. You didn’t fail me.”

“Apparently, I keep repeating my mistakes, though I had sworn myself not to.”

“Lan.” The Cairhien woman cupped his face in his hands, but the Malkieri refused to look at her. “What are you talking about? What mistakes do you repeat?”

“I failed you in Fal Dara, then in Tifan’s Well, and now, I can add Falme to the list.”

I’m still your Warder.

No, you failed me. Without Verin and Adeleas, I would be dead.

Guilt rushed through Moiraine’s veins. Light, that night would haunt her forever! The words she said to the Malkieri…

“Oh, Lan.”

“I wanted to do better. I swore myself to protect you – to prove I’m worthy to be your Warder – and the only thing I proved is that I’m not there when you need me the most.”

Moiraine swallowed hard. As if the man had to prove anything to her! Over and over again, he had saved her life. How could he doubt being worthy of her? It was her who wasn’t worthy of him and his protection. Not after what she had done to him to push him away.

“It was my mistake running into that Whitecloak, not yours. I was lost in my thoughts instead of paying attention to where I walked. This isn’t on you, my friend.”

“He almost killed you.”

Finally, Lan opened his eyes. There was so much pain and desperation in them. It broke Moiraine’s heart to see him like that.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered, but Lan shook his head.

“I’m your Warder. I should-“

Immediately, the woman of the Blue Ajah interrupted him. “You got us something to eat. It was my decision to leave your side and start walking. You can’t be at two places simultaneously.”

Lan’s fingers grabbed Moiraine’s hip, pulling her close against his body. Their foreheads touched like they had at the beach during their re-bonding.

“I don’t want to fail you again.”

“You don’t. You….” Frustrated, the Aes Sedai licked her lips. How could she explain that terrible night to her Warder? “When I told you you failed me before I left you with Alanna, I looked at the situation as an Aes Sedai.”

Confused, the Warder furrowed his forehead. Her words made no sense, and she knew it. It wasn’t easy to find the right words for what she had done.

“An Aes Sedai would’ve said that her Warder had failed to protect her against the three Fades. But this is not what I, Moiraine, believe. You, a’Lan Mandragoran, haven’t failed me – not once in all those twenty years.”

Lan opened his mouth to protest, but Moiraine cut him off before one word could leave his lips. “Never. Do you hear me? There was never a situation where I thought you failed me.”

Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier pulled her closer. Hope glimmered in the bond – hope that her words were the truth.

“I thought about that night so many times, trying to find a hidden message in your words. Something I missed the first time. Sadly, your words cut deeper the more often I thought about them.”

Moiraine’s eyes burned when she felt tears coming up. “There was no hidden message. I chose my words so they would hurt you the most. It was the only way I could think about saving you. I didn’t want you to go down with me.”

“I would go anywhere with you,” Lan whispered.

“And that was exactly what I didn’t want.”

Lan opened his mouth, then a scream made them both wince. Playing children passed the alley, reminding the pair that an alley wasn’t the best place to talk about their complicated situation.

“We should continue that conversation once we’re back at our hut,” Lan suggested. “Tonight?”

The Cairhien woman’s throat felt tight. She didn’t know if she was ready to explain everything, what she had done the past six months. “We’ll see.”

Of course, the Malkieri noticed her careful choice of words. He was bonded to her long enough to listen carefully to what she was saying. For a moment, it seemed like he wanted to protest, then he sighed and nodded. He wouldn’t push her.

A wave of love and admiration for the man before her rolled through the bond. Moiraine was so thankful to have him back in her life. Everything had felt different without the bond and Lan’s presence in her head. But more importantly, she had felt lonely. Although the man had been with her in Tifan’s Well, it hadn’t been the same. And once she left him with Alanna, the feeling had gotten worse.

“We should go,” Lan said. “Because of the Whitecloaks were already late.”

“Right.” Reluctantly, Moiraine stepped back, feeling the resistance in Lan’s hands when she tried to free herself. He didn’t want to let go of her, just like she didn’t want to be separated from him. “We don’t want to anger Nynaeve, or else she might think we don’t take our assignments seriously.”

“Moiraine,” Lan sighed in an annoyed tone.

The Aes Sedai knew the man was tired of mediating between her and the young Wisdom. So, she bit her tongue and stepped back on the crowded street of Falme.

“Shall we?”

Moiraine didn’t wait for an answer, nor did she wait for Lan to follow her. Her Warder would catch up with her quickly. A long day lay ahead of them with a certain Wisdom giving the orders.

As expected, Lan caught up with Moiraine before she had made more than three steps, silently accompanying her through the streets. It was time to finally find a way out of that city before the situation with the Whitecloaks turned south. Well, that and Moiraine didn’t know for how much longer she could stay calm while working with Nynaeve. The moment when they both would explode got closer with every passing day.

Chapter Text

Shortly after their meeting with the Whitecloaks, Moiraine and Lan entered the infirmary. During the battle between the Seanchan and the Whitecloaks, the citizens of Falme got injured. Now, the infirmary became bigger every day because everyone who needed medical attention ended up there.

Since the Children of the Light didn't allow anyone to leave the city, Nynaeve had decided to be of use while they were there. So, the Emond's Fielder helped their Wisdom heal the sick people.

Elayne, who didn't dare to tell the Whitecloaks who she truly was, helped the women who had become her friends at the White Tower.

And Moiraine and Lan? Well, there were enough things to do at the infirmary to keep everyone busy. Moiraine simply did her best to keep her distance from the Wisdom.

It was early in the morning, yet the Aes Sedai and Warder barely made it inside. The entrance was crowded with sick people and those who injured themselves recently. Nynaeve's herbs and talents were well known among the citizens by now, so everyone wanted her to help them.

Lan shielded Moiraine as best as possible while they pushed themselves through the crowd. It was pure madness!

On the inside, the infirmary was filled with countless beds, and almost all of them were taken. Every day, Nynaeve decided who to send back home, but the people kept coming. It seemed like there would never be an end to it.

Because the Whitecloaks sneaked around the city – and the infirmary wasn't left out from their searchers – it was impossible to use the One Power to heal the citizens. So, Moiraine had to use herbs, hot water, and towels to treat the injuries.

"There you are." Nynaeve pushed through the crowd until she stood before Moiraine and Lan. "How kind of you to decide to join us. Did you decide to start late today?"

"We got caught up," Lan explained calmly, letting his eyes wander over the crowd. "Is it just me, or are there more people than yesterday?"

Nynaeve snorted. "Caught up? Doing what exactly?"

"I ran into two Whitecloaks," Moiraine explained.

Of course, her words didn't calm the young woman. Instead, she straightened, her eyes narrowing on the Aes Sedai like she searched for injuries. "They questioned you?"

"They wanted to know where Rand and Perrin are. Since I don't know where they're staying, nor have I seen them for days, I was of no use to them."

That actually did calm the young woman, enough to make her remember there were patients waiting to be treated. "Well, if nothing else happ… What is that?"

Moiraine winced when Nynaeve's fingers touched her throat. Her body reacted immediately, swatting the hand away. "Don't touch me," she hissed.

"You are injured."

"I'll be alright. Where do you need me today?"

For a moment, it looked like Nynaeve would explode, but then, she crossed her arms before her chest. "The chamber pots need to be emptied."

An evil glimmer shone in the Wisdom's eyes, daring the woman of the Blue Ajah to decline. Every morning, the helpers pulled straws to decide who would have to do the dirty work.

Sighing, Lan tried to calm the situation. "I'm sure there are probably other tasks-"

"I'll do it."

"Moiraine…." Before the Malkieri could stop her, the Cairhien woman slipped through his fingers. She wouldn't give Nynaeve the satisfaction of running from her task, though her skin tingled when she thought about those chamber pots. Light, she wanted to leave that terrible city!

Two hours later, Moiraine was ready for a break. She had emptied countless pots and didn't know if she would ever get the smell out of her hair. Tonight, she would take a long, warm bath. Hopefully, that would make up for that terrible day.

"So, today it's your turn to empty the pots?"

Surprised, Moiraine lifted her head. An old woman, whose pot she had just emptied, had addressed her. The woman was from Tear, though she had lived in Falme for many years now, and her name was Lia. The helpers avoided the patient since she had a sharp tongue and used fish metaphors that many didn't understand. Moiraine was the only one who liked talking and listening to her.

Like Siuan, that woman had darker skin with the typical Tairen drawings on her body and curly hair, though her hair was grey now. Lia reminded Moiraine of her lover, and the Cairhien woman couldn't help herself but imagine Siuan whenever she talked to the old woman. Would Siuan look like her one day?

"You pulled the short straw?"

"The short straw?" Moiraine asked, confused.

The old woman chuckled. "Oh, please. We're injured, not stupid. Do you really think we didn't notice you guys used straws to decide who would empty our pots?" The chuckle turned into an unhealthy cough.

Quickly, Moiraine grabbed a cup of water and helped Lia to take a few sips. Then she helped her to lie down again. "You should take it easy."

The Tairen woman waved a hand dismissively. "I'm a tough fish. The wound and the fever couldn't kill me, nor will this silly infection take the wind out of my sails. It's nasty, but I'm not ready to swim with the fish yet."

Involuntarily, the Aes Sedai smiled when she heard all those fish metaphors. Siuan would have loved Lia.

"Your body is weakened by the fever. If you're not careful, that infection could do more damage than is good for you."

"Fish guts." Again, Lia waved her hand dismissively. "I'm like an octopus. I cling to life with everything I have." When Moiraine opened her mouth to disagree, she got interrupted. "Stop acting like a fish on land and help an old woman to sit comfortably."

Acting like a fish on land? Moiraine had tried to argue, but Lia had cut her off. That was hardly… For a moment, the Aes Sedai was tempted to ignore Lia's plea but then remembered that the other helpers stayed away from the Tairen woman. If she didn't help her now, Lia would have to wait until Moiraine was done with emptying all the pots, and only the Light knew what else Nynaeve had in store for her afterward.

Sighing heavily, the Cairhien woman gave up and helped Lia into a sitting position. She stuffed a few pillows behind Lia's back so the old woman would sit comfortably, then used the blanket to cover Lia's thin legs. It wasn't exactly warm in the infirmary, and Lia couldn't use another fever.

"Stop fussing over me. I don't need help by using a blanket."

"You need to stay warm," Moiraine responded. "Have you eaten anything yet?"

Lia snorted. "As if any of those helpers would dare to get close to me. If they get the chance, they use every task that keeps them far away from me." The Tairen woman sounded amused, not bothered.

Moiraine smiled. "Maybe you need to stop scaring them, then they wouldn't be afraid of you."

"Scaring them? It's not my fault when they are all little silverpikes, scared of their own shadows." Lia crossed her thin arms before her chest. "Maybe you should teach them how to grow up." Suddenly, her smart eyes narrowed on the Aes Sedai. "You haven't been afraid of me – not for one second. You've been to Tear before?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah had visited Tear many times over the years but had rarely stayed for long. She could never forget Siuan's stories about how the people treated her and her father just because Siuan could channel. Light, Moiraine wouldn't have talked to Lia if the woman didn't remind her of her lover.

Close the Waygate.

An image of her angry lover appeared before Moiraine's eyes. She still couldn't believe Siuan had used her oath to force her into closing the Waygate against her will. Never had they pushed the other one when they didn't want to do something. It had pained her to see Siuan turning into the Amyrlin Seat, ordering her around like she was a simple Aes Sedai and not her lover and partner in that mission for decades.

The image got replaced by an injured Siuan, lying on the ground. Blood running over her forehead and out of her nose. Had someone found her? Had they been able to heal her? What would she tell the other Aes Sedai? But more importantly, could she ever forgive Moiraine for not helping her? – For leaving her there?

"I…." Moiraine swallowed when her voice was nothing more than a croak. "I have a… friend." Relief washed over when she was able to get the word over her lips. She really hoped she and Siuan were still friends. "She is from Tear and would love your fish metaphors."

"You say she is a friend, yet you look sad when you talk about her."

Quickly, Moiraine pulled her Aes Sedai mask in place. Light, she had to be careful! Lia wasn't Siuan. Only Lan and Siuan were allowed to see behind her mask – to see the emotional Moiraine. Moiraine didn't want anyone else to see her like that.

"The last time we saw each other, we… let's say we had an argument."

Lia nodded like she understood. "Sometimes, even friends argue. The next time you see each other, you both apologize and will laugh about it."

Moiraine swallowed. She wasn't so sure everything would be forgotten after an apology. She had left her injured lover to go with a Forsaken. Worse even, that particular Forsaken was the reason why Siuan had been injured.

"I better get back to-"

"Sit down, little fish."

Surprised, the Cairhien woman's eyes widened. Lia gave orders now? That woman became bold. "You're a patient here. You can't just-"

"Yet I did, didn't I? Now, skip the excuses and sit. I'm bored, so entertain me."

This time, Moiraine couldn't suppress a short laughter. "Trust me. You ask the wrong person to entertain you. Besides, it won't look good if I take a break while everyone else keeps working."

"Doesn't look good, hm?" Lia smiled knowingly. "Let me guess. The little whirlwind with the braid wouldn't approve, right?"

A smile tugged at the Aes Sedai's lips when she heard Lia's description of Nynaeve, though she fought hard not to show it. "I should finish-"

"The pots won't sail away. They will still be there when you're done entertaining me."

"I can't-"

"Sit down, little fish. I'll warn you when the stormy whirlwind starts looking for you."

Speechless, Moiraine stared at the Tairen woman. She truly was just like Siuan – always saying what was on her mind. Siuan also wouldn't have accepted a 'no' in that situation.

"I'm not getting any younger," Lia sighed.

Finally, Moiraine threw a glance to Nynaeve, who was barking orders while working on a patient. Surely, it wouldn't hurt if she took a short break from emptying the chamber pots. "Fine. I guess I can sit with you for a few minutes." Carefully, the woman of the Blue Ajah took a seat at Lia's feet.

Lia's knowing eyes looked in Nynaeve's direction before she focused on Moiraine again. "Why do you allow that girl to treat you so badly? I don't take you for a woman who usually takes orders from a child."

"Don't let her hear you calling her a 'child'," the Aes Sedai warned the older woman quietly. "She doesn't like that."

"And you like taking orders from her?"

Moiraine gritted her teeth. She definitely didn't like following Nynaeve's orders, but there was no other choice at the moment. Because of the Whitecloaks, she couldn't use Saidar to help Lia and the other patients. "She is a Wisdom. So, she is your best chance to get better… at the moment."

"Getting better." Lia snorted while letting her eyes move over the other patients. "We're getting treatment, and the child does everything she can, but the true enemy comes in here in disguise."

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. True Enemy? What was Lia talking about? "Who comes in here in disguise?"

"The Whitecloaks."

Moiraine almost laughed. The Whitecloaks didn't disguise themselves. Every day, there were a few who helped in the infirmary. Moiraine ensured that she would stay far away from them, as best as possible. "Some of them try to help here while the rest of them search for the Dragon Reborn."

"Help? They don't help. Open your eyes, little fish. Haven't you noticed how many people have died since the Whitecloaks decided to 'help'?"

It was a dangerous accusation, and Moiraine hoped Lia knew to keep her mouth shut when someone from the Children of the Light was around. "Sometimes, people die, Lia. And the people in here received heavy injuries. Not every body is able to survive the fight."

"I have lost many friends to the water, but this… No. This feels more like walking a plank – at least for some people."

"What makes you think that?"

Lia checked if anyone was listening, then motioned at Moiraine to come closer. Sighing, the Cairhien woman obeyed. The accusation was ridiculous, but the Tairen woman was obviously convinced about her theory.

"They talk to every older patient, asking about their families and where the person comes from. And everyone who mentions he doesn't have any living relatives receives a second visit from another Whitecloak later that day. They bring a cup of tea with them. A few hours later, the child declares them dead."

A shiver ran over Moiraine's back, though she knew the story wasn't true. The Whitecloaks wouldn't kill people when there were so many witnesses… right? "All those people died because their bodies hadn't been strong enough to fight the injury," Moiraine tried to explain calmly. "The Whitecloaks didn't-"

"Fish guts! I'm not crazy, little fish. They came to me this morning, wanting to know everything about me. I have no living relatives and no one who would mourn me once I'm gone." Lia lowered her voice even further. "I'm telling you. They'll be coming for me today."

"Lia-"

"Those men don't help or mean well. They bring death and try to get rid of the old ones who no one will miss. The longer the Children of the Light stay in Falme, the harder it is for the city to feed all those people. So, those men decide over life and death."

Moiraine knew the Whitecloaks were bastards but doubted they would go that far. Killing older people with no relatives left to miss them sounded hard and extreme. No, Lia had to be wrong about that one.

"Nynaeve would have noticed if any death had looked suspicious."

"Who is Nynaeve?"

"The Wisdom you call a whirlwind."

"Ah." Lia made another dismissive move with her hand. "The girl has so much work and patients, she can't pay attention to why a person died." Then she narrowed her eyes on Moiraine. "Why do you defend the Whitecloaks? Do you believe they're good people? Are you on their side?"

"I don't defend…." Sighing, Moiraine started anew. "Listen. I don't like the Whitecloaks, Lia. They're not good people, and I try to stay far away from them if possible." Subconsciously, Moiraine's hand moved to her throat. It still hurt.

The older woman grabbed the Aes Sedai's wrist and pulled her hand down. Her eyes shone with anger when she saw the reminder of the Whitecloak's hand. "You didn't have that yesterday."

"It's not easy to avoid someone who invaded an entire city." Carefully, Moiraine freed her hand. "So, as you can see, I don't like the Whitecloaks. Yet, I don't believe they would go that far to kill innocent people."

"Ask other patients. They will tell you the same thing."

"Are you already done with emptying the pots?"

Moiraine winced and cursed herself for it in the next moment. Angrily, she turned toward Nynaeve, who had appeared out of nowhere. "Not yet."

The young Wisdom crossed her arms before her chest. "So, you decided to have a nice chat with a patient while everyone else is working? Do you want us to serve you tea for your little chat? Maybe a snack while we're at it?"

Moiraine needed all her strength not to strangle that girl. How dared she insist Moiraine was working less than the others? "I took a moment to help Lia here. I will finish-"

"A cup of tea would be nice," Lia interrupted, smiling sweetly at the Wisdom. "My throat is dry and feels like a salted fish. And bring a cup for Alys too, child. She is working for hours without taking a break. Tea will give her back her strength to finish the task."

Nynaeve froze, though her chest was rising and falling at a dangerous pace, which told Moiraine that rage ran through her veins. Blood and ashes! She had warned Lia not to call Nynaeve a child. That woman was playing with fire and didn't care about an explosion.

Quickly, the Cairhien woman jumped to her feet. "I will get you some tea once I'm done with the pots, Lia. Until then, you have some water to wet your dry throat."

Lia turned to Moiraine. Disappointment was clearly written on her face. "Do you have to take that fun from me? I enjoy a good fight."

"Lia," Moiraine said in a warning tone. "No one has time for a fight. Countless people wait for treatment so they can go home."

"If they don't die first." The old woman raised her eyebrows at Moiraine, telling her that she wasn't done convincing her about the Whitecloaks being guilty.

Of course, Nynaeve didn't know about the accusation and misunderstood. "We do our best to keep everyone alive, but we are not the creator," she said in a biting tone. "Sometimes, people die because their bodies are too weak to keep fighting." Then, the young Wisdom from the Two Rivers turned around and left.

Tiredly, Moiraine rubbed her eyes. That day was getting worse by the minute. "I'll finish the pots and then return with tea."

But before she could leave, Lia grabbed her wrist. "I have a bad feeling, little fish. Those Whitecloaks… they stink like old fish. They will let the old ones go the plank."

Smiling, the woman of the Blue Ajah padded the Tairen woman's hand reassuringly. "You have nothing to worry about, Lia. If you listen to Nynaeve, take your medicine, and rest, you will be out of here in no time."

Lia gave her a sad smile. "We'll see, little fish. We'll see."

Chapter Text

Once Moiraine was done with emptying the chamber pots, she wished she could take a bath. Her skin was itching, though she hadn’t come in contact with the content of the pots.

Since bathing wasn’t an option, the Cairhien woman washed her hands a few times with soap. At least this way, she felt a little better, and her skin wasn’t itching so terribly anymore.

Nynaeve seemed pleased with the result and allowed Moiraine to choose her next task. When Moiraine announced she would bring Lia tea and food, sighs of relief escaped the other helper’s lips. They had busied themselves with every task they could find so they wouldn’t have to deal with Lia.

Of course, the young woman of the Two Rivers heard the sighs. Angrily, she snapped at them for being cowards. She couldn’t understand why they were afraid of an old woman.

Satisfied, the Cairhien woman prepared everything, then carried the tea, a bowl of soup, and some bread to Lia. The old woman was already waiting for her.

“Finally. What took you so long?”

“Are you planning on going somewhere, Lia?” Moiraine asked, smiling. When would the Tairen woman understand that she couldn’t scare her?

“The Whitecloaks closing in on me.”

Sighing heavily, Moiraine sat on Lia’s bed, placing the tray between them.

“Lia-“

“One of them sneaks around between the beds.” Lia pointed at a Whitecloak who handed tea and soup to another patient. “It won’t be long, then he will give me that poisoned cup, sending me straight to my ancestors.”

“He isn’t sneaking,” Moiraine announced, picking up the tea. “He serves tea and soup – just like I do now. Do you want the tea, or do you believe I will poison you too?”

The gaze of the old woman fell on Moiraine’s throat. Finally, she accepted the cup.

“You’re not a Whitecloak, little fish.”

“I’m glad you noticed.”

Lia took a sip of her tea and sighed in relief. “Where is your cup?”

“I’ll drink later.”

“Where’s the fun in drinking alone?”

“And here I thought people meant alcohol when they said that because it makes people act crazy.”

The old woman snorted, then took another sip. “Don’t you enjoy drinking your tea with another person rather than alone?”

Moiraine remembered how she had drunk tea alone after leaving Lan with Alanna. She had felt incredibly lonely, wishing for company. The tea had warmed her somehow, yet it hadn’t been enough to ban the coldness from her loneliness out of her bones.

Worry rolled through the bond when Lan noticed the change in her mood. The woman of the Blue Ajah didn’t know what her Warder was doing momentarily – nor did she know where exactly he was – but was thankful for having him back. Everything seemed so much easier and brighter since the moment the Malkieri’s presence had returned to her. Quickly, she calmed his worries through the bond, letting him know she was in no danger.

“I do,” Moiraine admitted, remembering how Lan knew exactly how to make her favorite tea. “I enjoy drinking tea with my…” She stopped immediately. Blood and ashes! She almost told Lia about her Warder! There was nothing more dangerous than telling a Tairen person about channeling and Warders – not even when that person had lived in Falme for decades. “… my travel companion. We were separated for a while, and I missed him.”

A smug smile moved over Lia’s lips. “Your travel companion, hm? I’m assuming we talk about the handsome guy who keeps a watchful eye on you whenever he works with the patients?”

Handsome guy? Oh light! It was a good thing Nynaeve wasn’t here, hearing Lia talk like that about Lan. The young woman was already jealous of Moiraine. What would she do to the Tairen woman?

“Isn’t he a little bit too young for you?”

“Isn’t a woman allowed to admire? I’m old, not dead.”

The Aes Sedai couldn’t suppress a chuckle, then got back to her feet. “Alright. I’ll leave you with your tea now.”

Suddenly, Lia grabbed Moiraine’s wrist, keeping her from leaving. “You can’t leave.”

“I have to. If I take another break while everyone works, Nynaeve will have my head.”

“You’re the only one that keeps the Whitecloak away.”

“Lia. I told you-“

“Did you ask the other patients about the Whitecloaks?”

Sighing, Moiraine counted to ten before she responded calmly, “No, I didn’t. But-“

“I’m not losing my mind. People are dying here and not because of natural causes. I need your help, little fish.”

The look in Lia’s eyes and the plea in her voice were enough for Moiraine to give up. She couldn’t let that old woman live in fear, even though she was pretty sure there was no actual plan to kill Lia.

“Alright. You say the Whitecloaks don’t approach you as long as I’m here?”

Lia snorted. “They’re cowards. They would never kill us when others can see what they do or question them.”

“Well, in that case, I ensure to bring you a cup of tea repeatedly. That should keep them at a distance.”

The Tairen woman thought about Moiraine’s words for a moment, then nodded. “Perhaps they can be fooled by it.”

Smiling, the Aes Sedai placed Lia’s hands around the warm cup. “It will work. Enjoy your breakfast, and I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t forget me, little fish.”

“I won’t.”

Moiraine kept her promise. Over and over again, she brought Lia tea whenever she got a free minute. Not once did she notice a Whitecloak getting too close to the old woman, yet Lia insisted they were sneaking around. So, Moiraine continued to bring tea. She didn’t care if Lia used the story about the Whitecloaks to have company. It had to be lonely lying in bed all day, not allowed to leave or do anything. And Lia’s face always brightened whenever Moiraine arrived. She even insisted on the woman of the Blue Ajah bringing a cup for herself so they could enjoy the tea together.

At first, Moiraine had refused – not wanting to anger Nynaeve – but when the woman called her a coward because she seemed afraid of the young girl, the Cairhien woman started to bring two cups. She wasn’t scared of the Wisdom and didn’t want anyone to believe that.

The day went by, and then another patient was brought in. He had a terrible accident, and Nynaeve needed Moiraine and other helpers as support. The injured man was big and strong and fought against the women who tried to help him. Since they couldn’t use Saidar to heal him, all hands were needed to ensure his survival.

The treatment went on for hours until he was finally sleeping, and Nynaeve was optimistic he could survive. All the helpers were exhausted, and it was almost time for them to go home. But first, they had to serve dinner to the patients.

Cursing, Moiraine realized she had forgotten to bring Lia her tea in the last few hours. She hoped the Tairen woman wouldn’t be too mad about it. Quickly, she gathered a cup of tea, a bowl of soup, and some slices of bread, then made her way over to the probably grumpy patient.

When the Cairhien woman reached Lia, the older woman was lying in her bed, sleeping. Yet, she opened her eyes when Moiraine placed the tray beside her.

“Little fish.” Her voice sounded quiet. Light! When did she drink something for the last time? Did no one look after her? “You’re here.”

“I couldn’t come sooner. We had an emergency, and Nynaeve needed help.”

“I heard.”

Was the woman awake? She sounded like she was moving dangerously between waking and sleeping. Well, Moiraine had to check on her injury and change the bandage before Lia could eat her dinner. That would wake her surely.

“I’ll have to look at your wound before we change the bandage. Do you think you can sit up for me?” While Moiraine was talking, she pulled out a box from under Lia’s bed.

Every patient had a box under their bed with the necessary equipment for the helpers. That way, the helpers didn’t need to carry everything through the entire hall.

“I hoped… you would come… before… it ends.”

“What ends?” Moiraine asked absentmindedly while preparing everything.

“It’s not… your fault… little fish…. Remember that.”

Confused, the Cairhien woman lifted her head. “What is not my fault?”

“You helped… saving… another… life.”

Finally, Moiraine realized how pale Lia looked. Her eyes were closed again, and her breathing was shallow. What was wrong with her?

“Lia?” She took the older woman’s hand and hissed at the cold. Something was absolutely wrong! “Lia! Can you hear me?”

“I tried… to stay…. Wanted… to say… goodbye.”

Cursing, the Aes Sedai pulled the blanket away. Was it the injury? Did the wound get infected without anyone noticing? But she checked on the wound last night, and it looked good. And Lia had felt good today. Not once did she mention any discomfort or pain to Moiraine whenever she brought a new cup of tea. What had changed in the last few hours?

“Couldn’t… stop him…. Warn… the whirlwind… or more… people… die….”

There was no blood on the bandage. Moiraine ripped the bandage apart to reveal the healing injury. Everything looked like it should, except that Lia was terribly cold and her skin pale like she was close to death. Nothing indicated…

Suddenly, Moiraine lifted her head in alarm, grabbing Lia’s arm. “Wait. Who couldn’t you stop, Lia? Did someone give you some herbs?”

The older woman smiled weakly. “Told you… little fish…. They kill… us….” Lia touched Moiraine’s hand weakly. “Thank you… for spend… spending… time… with me.”

A cold shiver ran over Moiraine’s back. They kill us. Had it been true? Did the Whitecloaks do that to Lia? Were they the reason why she was in such a bad condition?

“They? Are you talking about the Whitecloaks? What did they do to you? Lia?”

“It’s good… to have you… with me… little fish…. Makes… things… easier…. I’m not… scared…. Not… anymore.”

The hand of the older woman fell on the mattress. Shocked, Moiraine realized the woman lay very still. Was she even breathing?

“Lia? Lia!”

Cursing, she searched for a pulse, but there was none. Lia’s body had given up.

“Alys? What is going on?”

Nynaeve appeared beside the Cairhien woman, but Moiraine couldn’t care less at the moment. Quickly, she closed her eyes and embraced Saidar. She could still save Lia. With the help of Saidar, she could extract whatever the Whitecloaks had given her.

“Stop!”

The young woman from the Two Rivers grabbed Moiraine’s shoulders painfully, pulling her away from the Tairen woman and ultimately breaking her connection to Saidar.

Snarling, the Aes Sedai faced the Wisdom. “Let go of me!”

“Are you out of your mind?! You can’t use… ‘it’ in here! You promised to use herbs to help those people!”

“I need to help her before it’s too late!”

Growling, Nynaeve pushed Moiraine out of the way, then kneeled beside the small bed to check on Lia. A shimmer of hope grew in Moiraine’s chest. If she couldn’t use Saidar, surely Nynaeve knew some ways to treat poison. They would….

But instead of helping, Nynaeve pulled the blanket over Lia’s face and stood up. “I’m afraid it is already too late, Moiraine. She is gone.”

Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah embraced Saidar again. She would save Lia. She had to! Pain rushed through the bond, and a part of her realized that Lan must have hurt himself somehow, but she couldn’t focus on it now. If she didn’t act quickly, it would be too late to save Lia.

But before she could start to weave, another pair of hands broke her connection to the One Power. “Don’t.” This time, it was Elayne who didn’t let her continue. “You can’t save everyone.”

Everyone?! She didn’t want to save everyone! – Just Lia! “Let go of me, Elayne.”

“Not while you act like this.” The daughter-heir knew exactly how to deal with her aunt and wasn’t scared easily. “First, you need to see clearly again.”

“I see clearly.”

Elayne shook her head with a sad look on her face. “I’m sorry, but you’re not.” She stepped before her aunt, pointing at Lia’s covered body. “You think about crossing a line for a stranger you met a few days ago. A line we all agreed not to cross to pull any unwanted attention on us.”

“She doesn’t deserve-“

“Shall we get Lan... I mean, Andra, to knock some sense into you?”

Moiraine narrowed her eyes dangerously on her niece. “Elayne.” The girl was getting bold and didn’t think about stopping. “Don’t you dare-“

“I don’t think he would be happy about your attempt. When you cross that line, you don’t just put yourself in danger but him as well. You know he won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I try to save someone!” Moiraine hissed angrily. Why did no one understand?

“A stranger!” Elayne hissed back. “You try to save a stranger and put yourself, and all of us, in danger.”

“She didn’t deserve to die!”

“She was an old woman who lived her life. We all have to die eventually.”

“Is everything alright?” Two Whitecloaks had appeared, letting their eyes wander over the angry women. “Is there a problem?”

Quickly, Nynaeve pushed Moiraine and Elayne out of the way to do the talking. “Another patient died, and one of my helpers didn’t take it well.”

They talk to every older patient, asking about their families and where the person comes from. And everyone who mentions he doesn’t have any living relatives receives another visit from another Whitecloak later that day. They bring a cup of tea with them. A few hours later, the child declares them dead.

Lia’s words echoed in the Cairhien woman’s ears – words she had ignored. She hadn’t taken Lia seriously. Never had she assumed the old woman could’ve told the truth about Whitcloaks killing old people. And now, Lia was dead.

Told you… little fish…. They kill… us….

Rage overcame Moiraine, letting her forget not to engage with the Whitecloaks. “You did that!”

Confused, the Whitecloaks faced the angry woman. They hadn’t expected to be yelled at.

Elayne jumped to stop her aunt but couldn’t do more than stop her from getting any closer to the Children of the Light. Sadly, she couldn’t make Moiraine stop talking.

A shocked Nynaeve tried to tell the furious Aes Sedai with her eyes not to keep going, but it was useless. Moiraine wasn’t even looking at her.

“She told me you walk around, killing the old people. But I didn’t believe her. And now, she is dead.”

“Who said we kill old people?” One of the Whitecloaks asked.

“Her name was Lia. A Tairen woman who had lived in Falme for decades.” Moiraine wanted them to know who they had killed. “She warned me about you.”

One of the men stepped forward. His nose almost touched Moiraine’s, staring down at the furious Aes Sedai. His eyes were cold. “Old people often misunderstand something. You should be careful with such accusations. Sometimes, what people say is not true.”

“And sometimes, it is true,” Moiraine hissed.

“You-“

“That’s enough.” The young woman from the Two Rivers stepped between the Cairhien woman and the Whitecloak, keeping them at a distance. “We don’t have time for fighting or accusations. There are many people who need our help. Let’s get back to work.”

“You might want to let go of that helper,” the Whitecloak suggested, though his eyes never turned away from Moiraine. “She tends to listen to sick people without knowing the truth.”

“I’ll think about it. Thank you.” Nynaeve’s voice made it clear she wouldn’t think about it, and the Whitecloak heard it, too.

“If you need us to take care of her….” He left the rest of his sentence hanging in the air, yet everyone understood his suggestion.

“Then I’ll know exactly who to ask,” Nynaeve answered coldly.

The man nodded – probably believing the young woman had meant him – then turned around and left with the other Whitecloak. They didn’t even look back, knowing very well no one dared to attack them.

Moiraine wanted to strangle both of them, but Elayne and Nynaeve held on to her, not allowing her to do something stupid.

“Elayne, why don’t you take a moment to step outside?” The Wisdom asked.

“I don’t need a moment,” the daughter-heir responded in confusion.

“I think you do.” Nynaeve sounded angry. “And take Alys with you. Maybe some tea helps to calm everyone and clears the head.”

“Oh.” Finally, the young woman from Andor understood Nynaeve’s intention. “Yes. I guess some tea would be nice.”

Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah freed herself from the young woman’s grip. “I don’t need anyone to watch me,” she hissed, then turned around and left. She could try embracing Saidar again but wouldn’t be able to bring back Lia. Too much time had passed since the poor old woman had taken her last breath. Not even Saidar could bring back the dead.

Chapter Text

Moiraine stood outside the infirmary with crossed arms before her chest, watching the people of Falme as they passed the infirmary without glancing at it. None of them were aware that someone had just died in there. How many people had known Lia? Would someone miss her? Did she have friends who would be sad not to see her again?

They talk to every older patient, asking about their families and where the person comes from. And everyone who mentions he doesn’t have any living relatives receives another visit from another Whitecloak later that day. They bring a cup of tea with them. A few hours later, the child declares them dead.

Lia didn’t have relatives in Falme, but she must have had friends – people who loved her and waited for her to get better, right?

The Cairhien woman’s throat was tight when she thought about the possibility that no one would mourn the Tairen woman. Everyone should have someone who would be sad about your passing.

Yeah? And who would be sad about your passing?

Before Cairhien, Moiraine would have said Siuan. The Tairen woman had been her lover for decades. Surely, she would’ve cried about Moiraine’s death. But now? They had an argument like never before in their life and had said and done things they regretted – at least Moiraine did. Leaving an injured Siuan behind…

Quickly, Moiraine blinked the tears away. This was not the time or place to remember her difficult situation with Siuan. No, she had been thinking about people who would mourn her death.

Definitely not her family. Anvaere may have idolized her when she was still a child, but that child had grown up now, living her life without Moiraine for decades. Had she even thought about Moiraine before she barged in on her a week ago? Did Barthanes think about her?

The wedding of her nephew was happening in a few days, yet they hadn’t even tried to contact her. No invitation had been sent to inform Moiraine about the event, assuming she wouldn’t be there.

Well, you would’ve been too busy to attend. Even if it had been just you and Lan, still searching for the Dragon Reborn, you wouldn’t have gone to Cairhien.

Lan. Would he mourn her? After everything she had done to him, the man had begged her to unmask the bond. Did that mean he would be sad about her death? What would he do if she died? Could he beat the curse of the bond? When Moiraine was out of the picture, he could bond Nynaeve. Unlike other Warders, the Malkieri had a reason to keep living. His love for Nynaeve was strong.

Maybe one day, he’ll come to his senses and ask you to release him of his bond. You can’t tie him to you forever.

Worry rolled through the bond and a question – both barely palpable. Lan wanted to know the reason for Moiraine’s sadness, but Moiraine used one of Lan’s tricks. Sometimes, the Malkieri used Ko’di to hide his emotions. It was hard for the Aes Sedai to feel him whenever he embraced it. Everything seemed dull and numb then, and Moiraine hated every second of it. It felt like masking the bond, though it wasn’t such a brutal cut because she could still feel Lan.

Of course, the woman of the Blue Ajah wasn’t as talented as her Warder in entering Ko’di. Now and then, she slipped out of it, sending her wild emotions through the bond.

Lan was somewhere in Falme, doing something Nynaeve had ordered him to do. The last few days, the men helped rebuild houses, boats, and whatever else needed to be repaired while the women helped at the infirmary.

Again, Lan sent his question through the bond. He wouldn’t give up easily, but Moiraine couldn’t calm him momentarily. It was already hard to keep her emotions together so she wouldn’t start crying. She couldn’t deal with Lan now.

“Moiraine.”

As soon as she heard Nynaeve’s voice in her back, she wanted to run. Why couldn’t that girl leave her alone? And why in light’s name was she using Moiraine’s real name? Lan had explained to everyone how important it was to call them ‘Alys’ and ‘Andra’. They should use it all the time. They could never know who was listening.

The Aes Sedai pretended not to hear her, but of course, that didn’t work with Nynaeve. The Wisdom could be annoyingly persistent.

“Moiraine.”

This time, the young woman from the Two Rivers grabbed the Cairhien woman’s arm to get her attention.

“Don’t touch me!” Moiraine hissed, and Nynaeve obeyed surprisingly. “Don’t you have patients to look after?”

“They’re all taken care of. So, I have some time to spare to look after you. The death of that woman hit you hard, and I would like to know why.”

“Her name was Lia!” Moiraine knew she shouldn’t talk to Nynaeve, but it angered her that the Wisdom called Lia ‘that woman’.

Surprised, Nynaeve raised her eyebrows. “You liked her.” Her tone was suddenly calm and didn’t sound like a question.

The Cairhien woman gritted her teeth. She didn’t want to explain anything to Nynaeve, nor did she want that girl to suspect anything. Quickly, she tried to calm the rage within her, trying to sound unconcerned. “I barely knew her.” The look on Nynaeve’s face told her she failed utterly.

“Everyone called her ‘the grumpy, old fishlady’, but you know her name.”

Instead of answering, Moiraine simply shrugged a shoulder. She didn’t trust herself to have her emotions under control to continue that conversation. Light, she could feel Lan’s worries increasing! Quickly, she focused on embracing Ko’di. She needed to end that conversation with Nynaeve.

“Why do you care about her that much?”

Silence. Moiraine didn’t even bother to look at the young woman from the Two Rivers. She wouldn’t give her anything.

Sadly, Nynaeve didn’t expect an answer. She continued to talk while moving from Moiraine’s left to the right side behind the woman’s back. Oh, she knew how to annoy someone.

“Since we opened the infirmary, countless people have died under our hands. Not once did you look devastated or tried to heal a patient. You stuck to the plan like everyone else.”

Angrily, Moiraine dug her nails into her arms to keep herself from strangling the young woman. Nynaeve was probing for a reaction.

Focus on Ko’di. Focus on Ko’di. Focus on-

“But today, you wanted to use Saidar. You were willing to expose us to the Whitecloaks. Worse even, you accused them of killing old people – which was honestly the worst idea you ever had. Do you have a death wish, or why did you think it was a good idea to provoke a Whitecloak?”

Focus on Ko’di. Focus…

“They kill people.” Moiraine cursed inwardly when her tongue decided to answer. At least her voice sounded calmer than before. “I expected a Wisdom would care about people’s lives. But maybe I was wrong about you.”

She didn’t see the death glare she received but heard Nynaeve gritting her teeth angrily. Well, at least the girl showed some anger. Maybe she would leave now.

But again, Nynaeve surprised her. Instead of running, she continued to fight. “And I thought you’re smarter than starting a fight with a Whitecloak.”

Subconsciously, Moiraine’s hand moved toward her throat. Twice today, she had challenged her luck by confronting a Whitecloak. Luckily, the second time didn’t come with a new injury.

“A Whitecloak did that to you?!”

The Aes Sedai wanted to slap herself. When did she become so careless? The Wisdom was searching for something to use against her, and she played right into her hands.

“Blood and ashes! Lan will go crazy when he hears you had another fight with a Whitecloak today.”

Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah swirled around, shooting daggers at the woman of the Two Rivers. “Don’t you dare pull him into that, Nynaeve al’Meara!”

“He deserves to know what his… what you do.” In the last second, Nynaeve remembered not to say ‘Aes Sedai’. No one knew who was a spy of the Whitecloaks.

Moiraine stepped closer until their noses almost touched. “It is not up to you to decide what Lan deserves. He belongs to me.”

“For now,” Nynaeve spat. Whenever they talked about the uncrowned king of Malkier, she forgot her calm. “I will find a way to free him of you. Sadly, he is too blind to see he made a mistake in bonding you all those years ago. But one day, he will recognize his mistake, and you have to let him go.”

“Who says I will let him go?” Moiraine wouldn’t tell Nynaeve that she had tried to push Lan toward her. The Wisdom didn’t need to know how cruel the Aes Sedai had been to her Warder to send him to Tar Valon – to send him to Nynaeve. Maybe Lan would tell her one day, but then he had to explain why he didn’t take the chance.

“You’re many things, Moiraine, but not even you would keep a man tied to you against his will.”

The Cairhien woman didn’t want to agree with the woman from the Two Rivers, but the First Oath stopped her from lying.

“What if he never wants to be free? What will you do then?”

Light! Why was she still talking? She wanted to be alone, yet her mouth kept opening against her will.

Nynaeve snorted. “You can’t fool him forever, Moiraine. And then, he won’t even need me to tell him. You’re not good for him, and I can’t wait for the day he realizes that.”

“And you think you’re better than me?”

“No.” Surprised, Moiraine took a step backward, but Nynaeve wasn’t done. She closed the distance before the Aes Sedai had time to respond. “I know I’m better than you because I actually care about Lan.”

All blood left the Aes Sedai’s face, and a shiver ran over her spine. She didn’t care about Lan?

The Wisdom noticed she had found something that stung and continued, “You would set him free should you truly care about him. You would do what’s best for him. Instead, he has to follow you like a dog – obey your orders and stay put when you decide not to need him. Just like you did in Fal Dara.”

Fal Dara.

I like her, you know. The Wisdom.

Moiraine had pushed Lan toward Nynaeve – encouraging him to take the next step – so he wouldn’t follow her to the Eye of the World. She had done everything in her power to save his life. Of course, she hadn’t known he would find a way to follow her.

“He was devastated when he found out you were gone – leaving him behind to watch the unimportant children. All he wanted was to follow you to be by your side. Do you know he took the first chance to storm into the Blight?”

An image of Lan storming through the Blight while cutting a way through the rotten trees appeared before Moiraine’s eyes. Twenty years ago, she had stopped the man from running to his death. Back then, she had imagined she could find a way to save his life.

“He could’ve got killed while searching for you. Just because you didn’t trust him enough to tell him how to find the Eye of the World. You-“

“You know nothing, child.” Rage pulsed through Moiraine’s veins, waking her from her shocked state. She had listened long enough to Nynaeve’s accusations. Although she had promised Lan to keep the arguments with the young woman to a minimum, she couldn’t stay quiet any longer. “I don’t expect you to understand what I did in Fal Dara. At least not in the next few years. Maybe once you find your own partner, you will understand the decision I made.”

“You left him behind, not caring for his feelings or-“

“Don’t tell me about Lan’s feelings,” Moiraine interrupted her. “No one knows more about his feelings than me.”

Her words were a slap to the face, and this time, it was the young woman from the Two Rivers who stepped back. It was a reminder that the Malkieri was still bonded to the Cairhien woman.

Soon, Nynaeve had her feelings under control again. “I will make him see who you truly are. And then, you’ll be on your own.”

“Nynaeve!”

Luckily, Elayne appeared at that moment, stepping between the two women. But it was already too late. Nynaeve’s last words hurt badly. With Siuan, who had turned against her, Moiraine would be utterly alone once Lan decided to become Nynaeve’s Warder.

The Aes Sedai’s eyes burned, and her throat became tight. If she didn’t leave now, it was possible she would start crying. No, she wouldn’t give Nynaeve that kind of satisfaction.

“Don’t you think we have bigger problems right now? Fighting won’t help us to leave this city.”

“Stay out of this, Elayne. This is between Moiraine and me.”

Angrily, the daughter-heir placed her hands on her hips. “You make it a problem for all of us if you act like children. The Whitecloaks sneak around. They don’t need a real reason to take you with them. And according to Egwene, you won’t like their treatment.”

“I’ll be inside,” Moiraine announced. Her voice was quiet, but she hoped Nynaeve didn’t see how badly her words had hurt.

The Cairhien woman made one step toward the entrance when a hand grabbed her wrist, keeping her from leaving. Anger shone in Elayne’s eyes.

“You’re not much better than Nynaeve. Worse even after what you did in there. What were you thinking?”

“She thought only about herself,” Nynaeve hissed, then walked back into the infirmary.

Angrily, Moiraine tried to free herself from Elayne’s grip, but her niece was stubborn. She wanted answers.

“Let go.”

“I’m not Nynaeve,” Elayne reminded her softly. “I don’t think the worst about you. I never could. What was-?”

“Let go.” Again, Moiraine tried to free herself, but her niece simply stepped closer so no one else could hear her.

“You’re my aunt, and I’m worried about you.” The daughter-heir grabbed her aunt’s other arm to have her full attention. Her anger had been replaced with worry. “You confronted a Whitecloak today, though you bloody know how dangerous they are. They will hunt you if they find out you’re a you-know-what.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Elayne sighed heavily. “Moiraine, please. You can trust me.”

“Let go, Elayne.”

The girl hesitated, which was everything the Aes Sedai needed. Determined, she freed herself. She wanted to be alone.

“Moiraine-“

“Leave me alone, Elayne. I don’t want to talk.”

Before her niece could stop her again, Moiraine stormed back into the infirmary. Once every patient got their dinner, she could finally leave for the day.

I will make him see who you truly are. And then, you’ll be on your own.

Alone. Although she didn’t want to think about Nynaeve’s words again, Moiraine couldn’t stop her brain. Once Lan followed his heart and begged her to release him, the Cairhien woman would have no one left. She would be alone with no one loving or supporting her.

Her eyes burned again. Blood and ashes! Could that day get worse? When she felt Lan’s worries through the bond again, Moiraine remembered that she had forgotten to hide her feelings from him. It had been impossible to embrace Ko’di during her fight with the Wisdom.

Quickly, she focused and cleared her mind. It wouldn’t help Lan to feel her confused emotions. Once he was done for the day, he would spend the evening with Nynaeve. Moiraine could only assume how happy the young woman would be to tell him about Moiraine’s fight with the Whitecloak. Well, he could yell at her in the morning.

After calming herself and putting her Aes Sedai mask in place, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed the fight out of her head.

Serve dinner, then leave. Avoid Nynaeve and Elayne, and stay away from the Children of the Light. No more discussion, arguments, or fights. It is late, it was a long day, and I’m exhausted.

When Moiraine was back inside, her eyes automatically turned to Lia’s small bed. Two Whitecloaks grabbed her covered body – someone had wrapped her into the blanket – then carried her away.

Moiraine’s fingers winced, feeling Saidar under her fingertips. It would be so easy to strangle those Whitecloaks and… Suddenly, pain moved from her fingers over her hands to her wrists. The Third Oath moved painfully around her hands, banishing every thought of using the One Power to hurt those men. She couldn’t use Saidar since the Whitecloaks didn’t attack her.

Cursing inwardly, the Aes Sedai turned her eyes away. She couldn’t do anything for Lia anymore. The Tairen woman was dead, and her killers wouldn’t be punished.

“Are you not feeling well, Alys?”

Another one of the helpers, a woman from Falme who knew some things about herbs, had stopped beside the Cairhien woman.

“I’ll be alright.”

Moiraine left before the woman could start a conversation or ask her more questions. The patients were waiting for their dinner.

Chapter Text

Sighing in relief, Moiraine let her body sink into the hot bathtub. The smell of the herbs filled the air, creating a comfortable atmosphere. Exactly what she needed after such a horrible day.

Today, she had gone from one disaster to the next. First, she had run into that stupid Whitecloak who almost strangled her in the end. Her throat was still hurting from his attack.

Then, Nynaeve had made her empty the disgusting chamber pots. Light, her skin was still tingling from it!

Moiraine leaned the back of her head on the rim of the bathtub and closed her eyes. The rest of her body was underwater, soaking in the warmth so she would stop shivering.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, Lia’s face appeared before her. The older woman was afraid and begging Moiraine for help.

Gasping, the Cairhien woman opened her eyes again. She didn’t want to think about Lia or that she had broken her promise. The Tairen woman had asked one thing of her – one simple thing. All she had to do was bring a cup of tea regularly so the Whitecloaks wouldn’t go to her.

Moiraine didn’t remember how many cups she served but remembered very well the moment when she brought Lia’s dinner. Lia had barely been awake anymore. If she had noticed earlier that something was wrong with the Tairen woman, she could’ve healed her with Saidar before Nynaeve or Elayne could have stopped her. Sadly, she had been too tired to see what was going on until it was too late. Now, Lia was dead. Moiraine had failed her.

A single tear escaped Moiraine’s eye and rolled over her cheek. The Tairen woman had reminded her of Siuan, and she hadn’t been able to stop imagining the Amyrlin Seat becoming an old woman like Lia. They both liked to use fish metaphors and had quite a temper.

Moiraine’s thoughts continued to spiral, returning to the night in Cairhien. Every night, she relived her escape from the Sun Palace and the return of her powers. Every time, she asked herself if she could’ve done anything differently.

Had she wasted too much time with Verin explaining their next move? Had they lost time on the streets of Cairhien while searching for the Gateway? What if she hadn’t fought against Lan’s reveal about her shielding? They had lost precious time while Lan tried to convince her of the truth of his words.

Or had it been her channeling? After six months without Saidar, she had relished the feeling of weaving again. If she had been quicker, maybe Siuan hadn’t caught them. The Amyrlin would have never met the daughter of the night. She would have never been hurt.

Moiraine. Please.

A shiver ran over the Cairhien woman’s body. Siuan had begged her to help her. But Moiraine had put the mission over her lover. Light, she didn’t even know if Siuan survived Lanfear’s attack! What if she didn’t make it? What if she died in that backyard – alone? The last thing she had seen was Moiraine leaving her.

Anxiously, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed her nails into her thighs. Her heart was racing. The bath was supposed to calm her. Yet here she was, giving room to her fears. Not very calming.

The sound of the front door pulled Moiraine out of her thoughts. Immediately, she embraced Saidar, preparing herself to wrap the intruder into her weaves. It couldn’t be Lan. After they were done with their work, he always accompanied Nynaeve to the house she shared with Elayne and Egwene and stayed a few hours. But who dared to enter her house without announcing himself? Who knew where she lived?

At first, Lanfear came to her mind, and fear filled her heart. The daughter of the night was still out there, and it worried Moiraine that no one had heard from her. She didn’t believe for one second, the Forsaken had forgotten about Moiraine trying to kill her. One day, she would try to get her revenge. Rand wasn’t with the Cairhien woman any longer, so he couldn’t protect her from Lanfear’s wrath. But Lanfear wouldn’t use the front door, would she?

Another image appeared before her eyes. The Whitecloak from the infirmary. She had accused him of killing Lia and other people. What if he followed her to the house? What if he decided to punish her for her behavior? Or maybe they didn’t like that she knew about their little secret. Would they try to kill her because of her knowledge?

Elayne’s voice echoed in her ears. Please wait for Lan to get you home. You shouldn’t be alone on the streets after your fight with the Whitecloaks. Of course, Moiraine hadn’t waited. Lan would need one look to see how badly she was doing, and she didn’t want to ruin his night. The Malkieri would forget about his plans with the Wisdom to ensure Moiraine was alright.

Her niece hadn’t been happy about her decision. If you don’t wait for Lan, at least wait for Egwene and me to join you. The Cairhien woman hadn’t wanted that either. Elayne and Egwene would’ve insisted on staying with her until Lan returned when all she wanted was a hot bath and some quiet to think about.

The daughter-heir of Andor had gotten angry, but before she could start an argument, Moiraine had wished her a good night and left. At first, Elayne had been too stunned to respond. When she had found her voice again, Moiraine had heard her growl even from a distance.

Now, the Cairhien woman cursed herself for her stubborn behavior. She couldn’t fight against a Whitecloak with Saidar until he attacked her, and he caught her at an inappropriate moment. She wore nothing but her bare skin and had nothing to use as a weapon except for a sponge.

Wood creaked under approaching footsteps. If she screamed for help, would someone hear her? Would someone even help her? The Whitecloaks were terrifying, and everyone…

“It’s me.”

Lan’s warm voice rolled over Moiraine, and she relaxed immediately. It wasn’t an intruder or someone who wanted to kill her. Light, she should’ve checked the bond! It would’ve told her that the uncrowned king of Malkier was close.

Sighing, she let go of Saidar and made herself comfortable again. “You’re back early.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Her Warder made a step back, ready to leave if she wished for him to give her some privacy. But Moiraine heard the exhaustion in his voice. Although he gave her the choice, the man didn’t want to go. It seemed like he was just as exhausted as she was. “I can come back later if-“

“No.” Moiraine interrupted him quickly before he felt offended. “You surprised me. I didn’t expect you to be back so soon.”

Lan, who seemed relieved he didn’t have to leave, started to take off his belts. “You didn’t wait for me.”

For a moment, the woman of the Blue Ajah thought about changing her mind. If she let him stay now, he would continue asking questions about today. Maybe it was enough to remind him she didn’t need his help for everything.

“I know the way from the infirmary to our house. And the last time I checked, I’m old enough to take a walk outside.”

Instead of an answer, Lan raised an eyebrow at her. They both knew he didn’t accompany her back to the house after their day at the infirmary because he believed she couldn’t be left alone on the streets. It was their enemies he didn’t trust.

Quickly, Moiraine turned her eyes back to the water, avoiding Lan’s gaze. It made her feel uncomfortable because the Malkieri knew very well what she had tried.

She needed to distract herself, so she opened herself to Saidar again and heated the water. It hadn’t lost much heat, yet she felt cold after all the doubts and questions washing over her when she had thought of Lan as an intruder.

“Is there some room for me left?” Lan could see there was enough room in the bathtub for him to join her but was too polite to simply jump in.

After hesitating for a heartbeat, Moiraine nodded. She couldn’t avoid her Warder for long. And when he wanted to join her, he didn’t intend to leave the house again for the night. What was about Nynaeve? Why didn’t he want to see her tonight? The young woman from the Two Rivers would hate to miss a chance to separate Moiraine and Lan. She always found a way to keep him occupied.

Lan’s clothes dropped to the floor, then the Aes Sedai felt the strong presence of her Warder beside the bathtub. Her eyes moved automatically over Lan’s strong muscles. She wasn’t in love with the Malkieri but also not immune to his appearance. The uncrowned king of Malkier was a handsome man, pulling all eyes on him when he was around – at least the eyes of women.

Subconsciously, the Cairhien woman made room for the Malkieri to join her. Slowly, he lowered his body into the water while sighing content at the warmth of the water.

“Perfect,” he sighed.

Smiling, Moiraine watched how he leaned against the wall. She knew the man enjoyed a hot bath. Her eyes wandered over his strong arms, which he had placed on the rim of the bathtub, feeling his muscles aching like he had worked too much. What had he done today? How many huts…?

The eyes of the Aes Sedai noticed a red spot on her Warder’s left arm. It was barely visible since Lan placed his arm on the rim, so she couldn’t see much. He even rolled the inside of his arm closer to the water, which had to be uncomfortable. Moiraine needed to lean her head aside to get a better look. Her ear almost touched the surface when she finally saw more.

Shocked, her eyes widened. “What is that?!”

Alarmed, Lan straightened, searching the house for potential threats. Meanwhile, Moiraine moved to her knees – not caring that her breasts were now visible to Lan’s eyes or that water splashed everywhere – and grabbed the man’s arm.

The uncrowned king of Malkier flinched when she turned his left arm, revealing the bloody cut he had tried to hide from her.

“Who did this to you?”

What was wrong with today? First, her struggle with the Whitecloaks, then Lia’s death, and now, she found out Lan got injured. Could that day get worse?!

“It’s nothing,” the man from the Borderlands tried to calm her, but it didn’t work.

“What happened to you?!”

“It was an accident. Nothing serious.”

“You’re bleeding. I call that serious.” Anxiously, Moiraine’s eyes moved over Lan’s chest. Well, the part above water she could see, but his skin was untouched. “Is there more? How many injuries do you keep from me?”

Without waiting for an answer, Moiraine started to move her hands over Lan’s body, searching for something she didn’t know of. It was a good thing Nynaeve wasn’t in the room. The young woman from the Two Rivers would’ve bit the Cairhien woman’s head off for touching the Malkieri like that.

“Moiraine.” Lan didn’t mind her examination. The men from the Borderlands were more open with their nudity than other people – like those from Cairhien. Yet, he gently blocked Moiraine’s hands. “No more injuries. I promise.”

The Aes Sedai hesitated. Was Lan telling the truth, or did he simply try to calm her? It wouldn’t be the first time he downplayed an injury, so she wouldn’t panic.

Finally, she decided not to fight with her Warder. Instead, she would heal the wound she knew of. She could check his naked body properly once he left the bathtub.

Moiraine opened herself to Saidar, letting the One Power fill her veins. Today, she hadn’t been able to save Lia, but Lan wouldn’t suffer any longer. This time, Nynaeve or Elayne couldn’t stop her.

“No.”

Saidar slipped through her fingers when Lan grabbed her hands and brought them together so she couldn’t weave. “What are you doing?” Angrily, Moiraine pulled, but Lan was stronger than her. “I can heal you.”

“It’s a small cut, Moiraine.”

“It’s not small!” Obviously, she and the Malkieri had different definitions of ‘small’. “Let me heal you!”

“I survived worse.”

A cave appeared before Moiraine’s eyes, followed by shimmering metal pieces and countless blood splatters. Screams and groans echoed in her ears, but the worst was the terrible feeling of the bond fading. Lan’s presence had almost left her for good, and she hadn’t been able to heal him.

All of a sudden, the water turned to ice, and Moiraine started to shiver. Her heart was racing, and it became hard to breathe. The thought of losing Lan….

“Moiraine.” Her Warder’s voice sounded dull, probably because of her blood rushing loudly in her ears. Something that sounded like a curse followed her name, then Lan pressed her cold hands on his warm chest where his heart was beating. “There. Do you feel that? I’m alive.”

Moiraine tried hard to focus on Lan’s heartbeat, but she couldn’t get rid of the image of a dying Lan lying within her reach and yet too far away.

“Blood and ashes, woman!” The uncrowned king of Malkier cupped her cheek so he could pull her head forward until their foreheads connected. “Come back to me, Moiraine.”

Swallowing hard, the Cairhien woman tried to focus on the Malkieri. There was Lan’s voice, pulling her through the darkness of the horrible memory. The feeling of his body and steady, strong heartbeat grounded her to the present and dispelled the cave and blood.

His warm breath moved over her face and lips. Moiraine inhaled to allow his breath and smell to fill her frozen body with new life.

Finally, the tremor stopped, and she was back in the bathtub with Lan. The cave was the past. Lan almost dying lay in the past.

“Please, let me heal you.” Moiraine’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper.

The uncrowned king of Malkier sighed heavily. “There is no need-“

“Please.” Light! Her voice was thick from unshed tears. Today was indeed a terrible day. So many bad memories were haunting her.

Moiraine could feel Lan’s tension through the bond. He was torn between his wish to protect her from being detected and his longing to give her what she wanted. His fingers tightened in her dark locks like he wanted to pull her closer, which was impossible.

After what felt like an eternity, the Malkieri nodded. Immediately, the Cairhien woman tried to free her hands to embrace Saidar before he could change his mind. But the man from the Borderlands didn’t let go of her.

“First, you promise me just to heal that cut. You won’t delve me or search for other excuses to hold on to the One Power.”

Moiraine’s eyes widened. Bloody man! Why did he know her so well? “You can’t-“

“If you don’t give me your word, I will not let you use Saidar, Moiraine.”

Growling, the Aes Sedai shot daggers at her Warder, who returned her gaze calmly. He wasn’t joking. Her hands were still captured by his strong one and wouldn’t be able to get free if he didn’t release her.

Frustrated, Moiraine pulled her lower lip between her teeth. What should she do? Should she give him her word? On the other hand, what other choice did she have? Lan wouldn’t let her heal him without that promise. And she couldn’t let him run around with such a deep cut.

“Or…,” Lan had noticed her inner struggle. “…we forget about it and simply enjoy the hot bath.”

Insufferable man! How dared he to suggest such a foolish idea? When had she ever agreed to forget about an injury of his?

“Fine!” The woman of the Blue Ajah responded through gnashed teeth. “No delving. Now, let go of me.”

But Lan shook his head. “You should know me better than trying to use wage promises with me, Moiraine. What was it you once said to Egwene? Exact verbiage. Words are important, and how we use them is important.”

Surprised, Moiraine’s eyes widened. “You heard that?” The words threw her back to a moment when they had been running from a Trolloc army, and she had tried to teach Egwene how to use the One Power. It had been in the middle of the night, and Lan…. “I thought you were checking the area back then.”

“I did.” Lan’s eyes shone mischievously.

“Then how… how did you…?” Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. It made no sense. “What did you do while I trained with Egwene?”

“I secured the area.”

Apparently, Lan used one of Moiraine’s Aes Sedai tricks. He was telling the truth but not the entire truth. There was something else Moiraine hadn’t known of.

“What else did you do?”

A small smile appeared on her Warder’s lips. It amused him that he had done something she hadn’t noticed back then. “You were terribly injured and not doing well. You didn’t expect me to lose sight of you, did you?”

Slowly, the Cairhien woman began to understand. “You followed me.”

“I ensured always to have an eye on you.”

“You did more than that when you were able to listen to my conversation with Egwene. How long did you watch us?” This time, the Malkieri didn’t answer, but his eyes told her everything she needed to know. “You stayed with us the entire time.”

“You kept channeling instead of saving your strength. Do you have any idea how pale you turned with every passing day?”

“I could handle it.”

Lan snorted. “Because you pushed yourself to endure it and to keep going. You didn’t think about yourself or about getting better. I’m not even sure you thought about finding a Sister to heal you.”

“We had to protect the kids. We couldn’t risk losing them.”

A shadow fell over the Malkieri’s face. “I lost them.” Talking about the past was obviously not good for the man.

Quickly, Moiraine sent her love through the bond, then said softly, “You were forced to choose.”

Lan’s eyes moved to her shoulder, shooting daggers at the scar, which would always be a reminder of the Trolloc attack in the Two Rivers - at least for Moiraine. Lan’s feelings seemed darker. What she felt through the bond… the man still thought he failed her.

“Lan-“

“You would have chosen differently.” He was really not feeling well about that memory. “I choose you over them because I can’t live in a world without you. But if it had been me who had been injured, you would’ve saved the children.”

The Cairhien woman thought about telling him ‘yes’. After all, she had told him in Cairhien that Rand was more important than she or him. But the First Oath tied her tongue.

One, to speak no word that is not true.

“No,” she whispered.

Surprise rolled through the bond. “What do you mean?”

Moiraine bit her lip. Blood and ashes! “I wouldn’t have saved the children.”

“But Rand-“

“I wouldn’t have saved the children.” This time, her voice was firm, and she was able to look Lan in the eye. He was confused. “If your life is on the line, I will do anything to save you.”

Chapter Text

Silence filled the house while Moiraine and Lan stared at each other.

If your life is on the line, I will do anything to save you.

Moiraine’s words were still ringing in the air, and she saw how Lan tried to find a different meaning but couldn’t find one.

“Rand is the Dragon Reborn.” The Malkieri chose his words carefully, though she heard the wariness in his voice.

“I know.”

“He is the only one who can defeat the Dark One.”

“I know.”

“Without him, we’ll lose the Last Battle.”

“I know.”

Again, Lan stared at her like he expected a different answer from her or an explanation. His grip on her hands loosened.

Moiraine, who didn’t know how to get out of that situation without making it worse, decided to use the opportunity to heal her Warder.

But Lan felt through the bond when she embraced Saidar. Quicker than she was able to create the necessary weave, the man intertwined their hands.

“Not so fast.”

“You need healing.”

“First, we talk.”

“You agreed to let me-“

“And you didn’t promise me not to do anything more than healing that cut, so we talk first.”

Moiraine gnashed her teeth angrily. Why couldn’t Lan forget about that stupid promise? “I promise I will simply heal that cut and nothing more. I won’t delve you or search for other excuses to use Saidar.” She couldn’t keep the growl out of her voice. As much as she hated to give that promise, she wanted to heal his injury. She wouldn’t risk for it getting infected because Lan acted careless.

Besides, there was still a loophole in that promise, which she intended to use if necessary. Lan didn’t forbid her to use Saidar later should she discover other injuries once he left the bathtub.

“Good,” the Malkieri said. “Yet, we finish our conversation before you heal me.”

“We talked about your healing before we got distracted.”

“Distracted?” A chuckle escaped Lan’s lips. “We didn’t get distracted. Some things just need to be said, and apparently, we need to talk about what you just said.”

Moiraine tried to free her hands, but Lan ended her attempts by turning them on her back. “Lan!”

“In Cairhien, you told me that protecting and guiding Rand is more important than any of us.”

“He is.” The Cairhien woman continued to struggle while the Malkieri didn’t even seem like he noticed.

“Then how can you say you would have made the same choice as I did? That you would do anything to save me – even when that means losing the children?”

Finally, Moiraine accepted that she couldn’t free herself, so she turned her head aside. She couldn’t look Lan in the eye.

Sighing heavily, Lan lowered his head and pressed his lips to the scar on her shoulder. The insufferable man wouldn’t push her to talk but knew how to get his way. His hot breath floated over Moiraine’s skin, making her shiver.

“Stop,” the Aes Sedai whispered.

Instead of listening to her, the Warder continued to kiss the scar. The kisses were as light as a feather and made Moiraine squirm. Tears started to build up in her eyes, and her throat became tight. “Please.”

Lan released her hands, but only so he could wrap his arms around her waist to keep her in place. Meanwhile, his mouth stayed connected to the scar.

Moiraine couldn’t stop herself but threw her arms around Lan. One hand landed on his back while the fingers of her other hand moved into his hair. Softly, she pressed a kiss on his hair, then placed her cheek on top of his head.

“I could never forgive myself if anything happens to you because of me.” The Malkieri’s sweet kisses stopped when he heard her whispered words. Obviously waiting, if there was more, she was willing to share. “I love you.”

Three little words, yet they held so much power. Love had so many faces and didn’t always mean bedding each other. And the love between an Aes Sedai and her Warder… it went deeper than any love between husband and wife.

Slowly, Lan lifted his head, breaking free from Moiraine’s embrace until they were able to look at each other. The Cairhien woman had no doubt the Malkieri could see the tears in her eyes but didn’t mention it.

Their foreheads connected, and Lan cupped her cheek lovingly. Love rolled through the bond, and Moiraine shivered when she felt it.

“I love you, too.”

There were no more words needed. The Aes Sedai and Warder stayed in that position, exchanging feelings through the bond and enjoying their closeness until Moiraine found her voice again. “Can I now please heal you?”

Lan’s chuckle filled the air, then he pressed a kiss on her forehead before giving her room to channel. “You may.” He splashed a few drops of water on her face when she prepared herself to embrace Saidar. “As long as you remember your promise.”

Moiraine glared at the Malkieri but refused to answer. Saidar filled her veins, and her hands quickly started to weave. The cut on Lan’s arm closed. The harmed skin disappeared until it looked like nothing had happened. Only the dried blood stayed, but that was something the hot water could help with.

“Thank you,” the uncrowned king of Malkier said after she released the One Power.

Tiredly, the Cairhien woman nodded, rubbing her fingers over her forehead. It wasn’t because she had used Saidar much today. Today had been emotionally exhausting, and Moiraine realized she should go to bed. Lan would probably be thankful to have the tub to himself.

Gently, the uncrowned king of Malkier took her hands and brought them to his lips. “You look tired.”

A small smile appeared on Moiraine’s lips. Of course, Lan had noticed. He had always been good at reading her. Far better than she was at reading him. “It was a long day.”

“And you’re freezing.”

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. Freezing? Why should she…? She followed Lan’s amused gaze down her body. Her nipples were hard, and her exposed skin was covered with goosebumps.

“You better not tell Nynaeve you look at other women’s breasts,” the Aes Sedai said jokingly after fighting down the urge to cover herself. It had taken her years to be comfortable with being naked around her Warder.

“I don’t intend on telling her anything like that,” Lan responded, sighing. “I like having my head on my shoulders.”

A chuckle escaped Moiraine’s lips. It wasn’t hard to imagine Nynaeve ripping off someone’s head. “I should go to bed.”

“Not yet.” The Malkieri helped her to turn around, then pulled her small body against his muscular chest.

“Lan,” Moiraine protested but didn’t fight against his movements. “It’s late, and I’m tired.” Yet, her traitorous body melted against him, and a content sigh crossed her lips when the man wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face against her neck, inhaling deeply.

“Hmmm,” Lan hummed, agreeing, yet didn’t let go of her.

“Nynaeve will kill me when-“

“Shh,” Lan whispered. “No more thinking.”

“If I stop thinking, I’ll fall asleep.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

Moiraine laughed. “My very protective Warder wouldn’t be happy about me drowning in the bathtub.”

Again, the man from the Borderlands hummed, agreeing. “Then it’s a good thing that said Warder joined you for a bath and keeps your head above water.”

“And you wake me when it’s time to get out?”

“Absolutely not.”

“What?” Shocked, the Cairhien woman tried to free herself but had to realize quickly that her strength was still no comparison to the Malkieri’s. Growling, she gave up. “You do realize that the water will get cold at some point, and I can’t channel when I fall asleep. We will both get sick if we stay in the cold water all night.”

“And do you realize I can carry you out of the bathtub when the water turns too cold to stay in it?”

The image of a pissed Nynaeve appeared before Moiraine’s eyes. That was not a good idea. “Are you trying to get me killed?”

“Do you always have to think about Nynaeve’s reaction?” Lan groaned. “Why can’t I just do something without getting reminded what she could do?”

Because one day, she will be bonded to you.

The thought made the Aes Sedai sad. She didn’t want to lose her Warder but also didn’t want to stand in the way of his happiness. He deserved to be happy.

Apparently, Lan felt her sadness through the bond because he hugged her tighter. Moiraine appreciated his support and snuggled closer against him. Her Warder was right. This was not the time to think about Nynaeve’s possible reactions. This moment only belonged to them, and after today, she needed a peaceful moment.

“Will you tell me what happened at the infirmary today?”

Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah growled. She should’ve known that the Wisdom wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut. How long did she wait until she ran crying to Lan, informing him about his terrible Aes Sedai?

“I should’ve known she would come running to you. I won’t apologize to her, no matter what you say.”

So much for having a peaceful moment. Frustrated, Moiraine tried to free herself from Lan’s embrace. She couldn’t stay in the bathtub with him any longer now. Rage rushed through her veins. What had she done to that girl that she couldn’t leave her alone?

“Moiraine.” The uncrowned king of Malkier ignored her escape attempts. Calmly, he continued, “No one came running to me.”

“How much did she tell you? That I tried to use Saidar to save someone? Or that I started an argument with a Whitecloak? What else did I do in her version? She wants you to turn away from me, so I bet she had some stories to tell.”

Lan stayed silent, but Moiraine felt how he took a deep breath to calm himself. The man fought hard with himself so he wouldn’t explode. “There were no stories, and I wasn’t told what happened at the infirmary. But you informed me now. Who did you try to save? And why in light’s name did you start an argument with a Whitecloak? Wasn’t the one in the morning already enough?”

With every word, Lan’s anger started to be audible. Apparently, he truly hadn’t known about today’s events, or else he would’ve been angry from the moment he set foot into the house.

“Let go of me.” Light! How many times did she have to repeat that phrase today?

But Lan wasn’t Nynaeve or Elayne. He was bolder than the women and didn’t shy away from going against Moiraine’s wishes sometimes. “The Whitecloak, Moiraine.”

“They kill people!” Again, Lia’s image appeared before Moiraine’s eye, but she couldn’t hold back her tears this time since she was exhausted. “They kill innocent people, Lan.”

Immediately, the Malkieri’s grip tightened around the Cairhien woman. “At the infirmary? They kill people there?”

Moiraine nodded. It was a relief that Lan didn’t question the truth of her words. He believed her the Whitecloaks had done what she insisted.

“Does Nynaeve know?”

Another nod. “She was the one who stopped me from saving Lia, and it was also her who tried to keep the Whitecloak and me separated.”

“Lia?”

Everyone called her ‘the grumpy, old fishlady’, but you know her name.

Of course, Lan didn’t know her. He was barely working in the infirmary. The men were of better use outside with the necessary tools to repair houses.

“The grumpy, old fishlady from Tear.” Moiraine didn’t doubt Lan had heard about that name before.

“Tear,” Lan whispered. The Aes Sedai could practically hear his brain working on that piece of information. He knew about Siuan’s hometown. “Nynaeve tried to stop you from healing a patient?”

“She did. As a Wisdom, it is her job to heal people with everything-“

“Was the patient still alive?” Lan interrupted Moiraine’s outburst.

“Lia could’ve been saved. All that was necessary-“

“Was she still alive, Moiraine?”

The Cairhien woman wanted to say ‘yes’, but the First Oath stopped her. Lia had stopped breathing but could’ve been saved if Moiraine had used Saidar to extract the poison.

Lan understood the silent answer and pressed a kiss on Moiraine’s hair. “Not even Saidar can heal the dead,” he said softly.

“I should’ve saved her,” Moiraine protested. “She told me about the Whitecloaks and what they were doing.” Lia’s face appeared before her, begging her to protect her from the Children of the Light. Then Siuan’s bloody face appeared, begging her to save her. Tears rolled over Moiraine’s cheeks. “She begged me to help her, and I let her down. I left her bleeding on the ground.”

Moiraine couldn’t see Lan’s confused face and also didn’t notice his surprise in the bond. She was completely lost in her memory.

“We’ve been in this together for decades, and I failed her when she needed me the most.”

“You didn’t fail Siuan.” The Warder had quickly put the pieces together, understanding when his Aes Sedai had stopped talking about the dead old lady and moved on to her lover. “And Siuan will see that too, once she calms down.”

“What if no one found her in time? Lanfear hit her pretty badly. She could’ve succumbed-“

“Come here.”

There wasn’t much room in the bathtub, but Moiraine wasn’t big. The uncrowned king of Malkier managed to move her until he could pull her head against his chest. Her head fit perfectly under his chin.

“Don’t you think we would’ve heard by now about her death? She is the Amyrlin Seat. Your Sisters can’t hide her death from the world. They would need to announce a new Amyrlin before anyone starts an attack on the White Tower.”

Lan’s words made sense. Siuan had to be alive, or they would’ve heard about it by now. Exhausted, Moiraine snuggled closer against Lan, not trying to stop her tears. In his arms, she could be weak and emotional. Her Warder would never scold her for crying or push her away for not being strong.

Instead, the Malkieri rubbed soothing circles over her back and kissed her hair softly. She couldn’t wish for a better Warder.

When the water turned cold, Lan urged Moiraine to get out. It felt like hours since they went in, but Moiraine didn’t mind. She enjoyed being close to her Warder without having an annoying Wisdom around them who watched their every move, touch, and glance. It seemed like Nynaeve could never get over the fact that they were bonded or that they knew each other for decades.

The woman of the Blue Ajah used a towel to dry her wet body when she heard Lan leaving the water.

Automatically, her eyes lifted, taking him all in. She didn’t mind him being naked. It took her years not to be embarrassed around him any longer. Instead, she searched his body for injuries she didn’t know of. She knew the story of every scar on his body and was well aware of where each one was placed. If there was another injury….

“Stop that.”

The Malkieri threw his towel, aiming for the woman’s head. Moiraine growled when the fabric made her stumble and covered her face. Quickly, she pulled it down.

“I want to know if I missed an injury.”

“There are none. You healed the only one I received. Besides, you would’ve noticed if I got hit.”

Blinking, Moiraine realized she didn’t know when Lan had received his newest injury. The towels dropped to the floor while she tried to remember when she had felt Lan’s pain. Had she truly forgotten about it?

“What is it?” Immediately, Lan stood before her, holding her face in his hands. “Are you not feeling well? Do you-?”

“I didn’t feel it when you received that cut,” the Aes Sedai whispered, looking at him with big eyes. “I didn’t feel it. Why didn’t I feel it?”

A sigh of relief escaped Lan’s lips, then he pulled her in his arms. “All I know is that you were angry and in shock. I was worried and stopped paying attention.”

“You said it was an accident.” Moiraine’s stomach turned, and she wanted to vomit. She was responsible for Lan getting injured!

“Because it was.”

“No!” Angrily, the Cairhien woman gave the Malkieri a push, but it was like trying to move a mountain. The man didn’t move one bit! “It wasn’t an accident. It was me. You got injured because of me.”

“I got injured because I allowed myself to get distracted. This isn’t on you, Moiraine.” It was useless to argue with Lan. She hadn’t done anything wrong in his eyes. “You’re getting cold.”

Sighing, the Aes Sedai watched how her Warder picked up her towel and wrapped it around her. Her well-being would always be important for him.

Suddenly, Lan tilted her head back with a finger under her chin. Moiraine winced when his fingers touched her exposed throat.

“How is your throat?”

Quickly, Moiraine stepped back and turned her head away. “I’ll be alright.”

“Did the other Whitecloak…?” Lan didn’t finish his question, knowing very well Moiraine understood him.

“He didn’t touch me. I guess it helped to have a pissed Nynaeve by my side.” Tiredly, she rubbed her hand over her face. “I should get dressed. It’s late, and I’m exhausted.”

Lan didn’t stop her, but Moiraine felt his eyes on her back, following her every move.

They had two beds in the house since Moiraine hadn’t wanted to deal with Nynaeve’s anger, though they both stood in the small bedroom. Sometimes, the Malkieri slept on their couch in the living room, but tonight, he lay down in his bed.

Silence had fallen over the house once they had blown out all the candles. Although the Cairhien woman was tired and exhausted, sleep didn’t want to come to her. Her thoughts were spiraling, and she couldn’t stop them.

How long could they stay hidden in Falme? At some point, the White Tower would send Sisters to deal with the Whitecloaks and to catch the Dragon Reborn. If they were still in Falme by then…

And what would Siuan do now that everyone in Falme knew about the Dragon Reborn? Rand wasn’t a secret any longer – not a simple prophecy most people hadn’t believed in. The boy had defeated Ishamael. Would Siuan forgive Moiraine for failing at the Eye of the World now that the boy had succeeded? Or would she still remember that the Cairhien woman left her injured in Cairhien to follow a Forsaken?

Groaning, Moiraine rolled on her other side. She tried to focus on the sounds coming from the outside, but there were none. Everything was quiet.

It didn’t even help listening to Lan’s calm breathing. The uncrowned king of Malkier was also still awake, though she felt he was calmer. Was he waiting for her to fall asleep?

Moiraine watched Lan’s shadowed figure opposite her. He lay on his back. His chest lifted and fell in a calm rhythm. What was he thinking about? Did he dream about Nynaeve? They didn’t have much time together tonight. Was he already regretting his decision?

An image of her and Lan sitting in the bathtub while the Malkieri had his arms wrapped around her appeared before Moiraine’s eyes. She had enjoyed the short moment of peace with him. His embrace always warmed her like nothing else in that world. It was a promise to keep her safe.

Suddenly, the Aes Sedai shivered involuntarily. Imagining Lan’s arms around her had left her longing for his embrace. Cursing inwardly at herself, she bit her lip, closed her eyes, and snuggled deeper under her blanket.

Sadly, it didn’t help. Her body wanted to feel another body – Lan’s body. Frustrated, Moiraine’s eyes moved to her Warder again. Their beds were small, but they should be able to fit into one. Of course, there was always the possibility of Lan not wanting her in his bed.

Well, you won’t find out if you don’t ask him.

Before she could change her mind, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed her blanket out of the way, then quietly moved over to the other bed. The lying Malkieri pretended not to notice her nightly walk until she sat at the edge of his bed.

Immediately, Lan’s eyes flew open. “Are you done overthinking things?”

Moiraine snorted. Of course, he had felt her restless thoughts keeping her awake. Did he assume she would come to him ultimately? Shivering, she wrapped her arms around her upper body. She still longed for his warmth.

“Do you think we both fit into that bed?”

Instead of an answer, Lan’s hand grabbed hers. “You’re freezing.” His other free hand cupped her cheek, which was just as cold as her hand. “Light! Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“I’m here now. And I could use my friend’s help.”

The hard look on Lan’s face disappeared, and he placed his hands under her armpits. “Get in here.”

Moiraine crawled between him and the wall with her Warder’s help. It was something Lan had come up with years ago. He always positioned himself between her and any possible danger so he could protect her if necessary.

Once the woman of the Blue Ajah lay comfortably in the Malkieri’s arms, he pulled his blanket over them. “The next time, you tell me straight away when you’re cold,” he grumbled.

“Usually, I don’t get cold.”

Lan hummed in agreement, then asked, “Do you think you can sleep now? Or do you need to talk about something to calm your thoughts?”

Moiraine thought about it for a moment, then shook her head when she felt her body relax. “As long as you hold me, I should be fine.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Relieved, the Aes Sedai snuggled closer against her Warder, absorbing his warmth. She had no idea how he did it, but she already felt better.

“Good night, Lan.”

She smiled when the man pressed a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Good night, Moiraine.”

Silence fell over the house once again, but this time, Moiraine finally gave in to sleep.

Chapter Text

When the morning came, Moiraine thought about not getting up. The last day had been exhausting, and she wasn’t in the mood to deal with Nynaeve again.

For a moment, she wished she and Lan had never gone to the Two Rivers. Their life seemed so much easier back then. There was no pressure. They could get up early or sleep in if they weren’t in the mood to start the day early.

They didn’t have to look out for a bunch of children who thought they knew better than them about what was going on in the world.

And there hadn’t been an annoying Wisdom, who hated Moiraine for what she was and for having the bond of the man she loved. Would the girl calm down once she had Lan’s bond? Or would she continue to hate Moiraine?

Surprisingly, Lan was also still in bed, though clearly awake. Usually, he went through his training when he woke before his Aes Sedai. Why did he change his routine?

“Do you want me to leave?”

The Cairhien woman opened her eyes when the Malkieri spoke softly. How could he believe she wanted to be alone? Growling, she snuggled closer to him. She wasn’t freezing like she did last night, but it felt wonderful to be close to Lan.

“Don’t you dare move.”

A chuckle vibrated in Lan’s chest. His arms tightened around her, drawing a relieved sigh out of Moiraine.

“As you wish, Aes Sedai.”

“Don’t call me that.”

She felt Lan’s amusement through the bond. The man from the Borderlands was in a very good mood. What made him so happy?

“What are your plans for today?” He must have felt her interest in his feelings and tried to distract her. Well, she would find out later what amused him.

What would Lan say when she told him she didn’t want to leave the house? “I want to stay in bed all day.” The words were out before she could stop herself. Shocked, she pressed her hand over her mouth. Why did she say that out loud?

“Alright.”

Moiraine stared at Lan. Had he really agreed to her suggestion? Surely, she must’ve misunderstood him.

“But at one point, we have to eat something. So, we have to get up at least once.”

“Wait. We?”

“You don’t think I would leave you here alone, do you?”

Actually, she had assumed he would go to the infirmary nonetheless to be with Nynaeve. He didn’t get the chance to be with her last night, so she assumed he would take the opportunity to be with her today.

“What about Nynaeve? Last night, you didn’t have much time together because you returned early. Don’t you want to spend time with her?”

Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier tightened his grip on the Cairhien woman. “I also want to spend time with you. Or do you want me to leave?”

I’m not leaving you.

It had been a different situation, but Lan’s words echoed in Moiraine’s ears. He sounded sad, like he feared her answer, though she had just told him not to leave. Blood and ashes! The man was still not over her cruel behavior, though he tried hard to appear like he didn’t care.

“I’m sorry,” Moiraine whispered. “I was convinced I didn’t deserve you any longer, so I used everything I had and could think of to push you away.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier stiffened when she suddenly changed the subject. Obviously, he hadn’t expected her to talk about the horrible night that ended with them going separate ways.

“How can you believe for even a second you don’t deserve me?”

“You bonded yourself to me because you agreed to join me in the fight against the Dark One. But you gave that promise to an Aes Sedai, who could use the One Power to protect you. After the Eye of the World… I couldn’t protect you any longer. I became a burden, which you decided not to leave because you thought it was your duty to stay true to your word which you gave me all those years ago.”

“Oh, Moiraine.” Lan sighed heavily while shaking his head slightly. “Twenty years we are bonded now, and you still don’t know me.”

Confused, the Cairhien woman lifted her head. “What do you mean?”

But instead of an answer, the Malkieri let go of her and sat up like he wanted to leave the bed. “I’ll get us something to eat.”

“No! Lan, please.” Quickly, Moiraine grabbed Lan’s arm before he could leave the bed. “Explain it to me.”

He didn’t leave but also didn’t look at her. His back was turned toward her, and she felt the tension in his body. He thought about running.

Sighing, the Aes Sedai pressed her forehead against her Warder’s back. She had ruined everything.

I will make him see who you truly are. And then, you’ll be on your own.

Apparently, she didn’t need Nynaeve to push Lan away. She was doing just fine by herself. “I guess Nynaeve was right,” Moiraine whispered to herself, though Lan heard her. She felt how he turned his head curiously.

“Right about what?”

“Just something she said about you and me.”

Lan growled. “Whatever she said, she is wrong.”

“You don’t know what it is.”

“I don’t care. She is wrong.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you both don’t know me at all.”

Surprised, Moiraine lifted her head. So, he believed Nynaeve also didn’t know him? But he loved the girl, and she loved him.

“You both act like I don’t know what I got myself into.” The Cairhien woman stayed quiet. How could she think otherwise? They both hadn’t known what they had signed up for all those years ago. “And twenty years ago, I would’ve agreed. I was young and believed your mission gave me a purpose – a purpose to live. So, I bonded myself to you, though I was thinking poorly about Aes Sedai – a fact you were aware of.”

Oh, she remembered very well. In the beginning, the man hadn’t known about her being an Aes Sedai and hadn’t held back from sharing his distaste of Aes Sedai until she had emptied the pond over him.

“Well, apparently, I changed your mind about Aes Sedai, so you agreed-“

“You didn’t.”

Moiraine hadn’t expected that answer. “But if I didn’t change your mind, why did you-?”

“I bonded myself to you.” Finally, Lan turned so he could look at Moiraine. “To you, Moiraine Damodred. The woman who had been a pain in my ass all the way to Chachin and had grown on me without me knowing. Do you know I was still thinking about you when we parted ways in Chachin?”

The Cairhien woman hadn’t known. She had thought she was the only one who had been thinking about him.

Lan continued, “I couldn’t get you out of my mind. It was frustrating, and then you appeared at the palace, making it even harder for me to forget you. So, I ran after our fight with the Black Sister and Ryne. I knew what you were up to and ran because I knew I wouldn’t turn you down if you asked me.”

Moiraine swallowed. Lan had tried to escape the life he had now, and she had pulled him into it nonetheless. “I didn’t know you tried to escape from me. I thought I’d give you an opportunity so you wouldn’t die in the Blight.”

“And you did. When you told me about your mission, I didn’t think twice. I knew I couldn’t let you fight this alone without worrying about you all the time. So, I agreed to become your Warder. But I swore my oath to you, Moiraine. Not to the Aes Sedai. Because I care about the person, not the power she wields.”

Moiraine’s throat became tight, and her eyes widened. Lan wasn’t interested in her powers? But… that would mean… he didn’t imagine… she hadn’t been…. “No.” Her voice was heavy with unshed tears.

Smiling, Lan grabbed her hand, letting his thumb move softly over the back of her hand. “You were never a burden to me, Moiraine. Ishamael had shielded you, but it never crossed my mind to be free of you.”

“But Nynaeve-“

“Why do I have to choose? Why can’t I have both of you in my life?”

A sad smile appeared on the Cairhien woman’s face. “You know why, Lan.”

The Malkieri grimaced. “You two can’t stand each other. I doubt there will ever be a situation when I have to choose between saving you or her since you two won’t be in the same place for long.”

“And you really think it will be better when we’re in different places?” Moiraine asked, and Lan lowered his head. “You will curse me and the choice you made when something happens to her, and you’re not there to help her.” A heavy sigh escaped her lips. “Light, I shouldn’t have bonded you again.”

“Don’t say that!” Anger shone in Lan’s eyes. “Feeling you again… I waited months to feel complete. Life isn’t the same without you.”

“I made it worse for you. Now, you have to choose again. If I hadn’t been so selfish-“

“Stop.” Growling, the uncrowned king of Malkier brought their foreheads together. Love rolled through the bond when he opened himself and let Moiraine know about his feelings. “I asked you to let me back in. I wanted the bond back. Light, Moiraine! Do you still not understand how much I need you?”

Tears rolled over Moiraine’s cheeks, but she didn’t wipe them away. “What I did to you-“

“I know why you did it.”

“Light, I wish I could undo it. I wish I could turn back time and make a different decision.”

“Who knows what would’ve happened then. Come here.” Lan climbed back into bed and pulled the crying woman into his arms. “I guess breakfast can wait a little bit longer.”

The Aes Sedai didn’t resist and snuggled up to her Warder. Yet, there was one problem. “What about Nynaeve? She will freak out when we don’t appear at the infirmary soon.”

“I’ll deal with her anger.”

“Her anger won’t focus on you. She will know that it was me who kept you here. Light. For all I know, she could come searching for us if we don’t appear.”

Softly, Lan stroked Moiraine’s hair. “Don’t worry about her. You and I are all I care about momentarily.”

Humming in agreement, the Cairhien woman held on to the Malkieri. She would deal with Nynaeve’s anger later. Now, she wanted to enjoy the feeling of lying in Lan’s arms for as long as possible.

As much as Moiraine would’ve loved to sleep in instead of leaving the house, she and Lan didn’t give in to their desire, though they took their time before they were finally on the way to the infirmary.

While they walked through the streets, the Malkieri never let go of the Cairhien woman. Their fingers were intertwined, and their eyes found each other occasionally. Whenever it happened, Lan smiled softly, drawing a smile on Moiraine’s face. Lying in each other’s arms had helped a lot to find their good mood again, and now, they couldn’t stop sending their love for each other through the bond.

When they reached the infirmary, two Whitecloaks left the building. Immediately, the memories of yesterday returned, and Moiraine stopped dead in her tracks.

Told you… little fish…. They kill… us….

Lia’s pale face appeared before Moiraine’s eyes, and rage rolled through her veins. What had the Whitecloaks done now? Who did they want to kill today?

The Aes Sedai took one step toward the Children of the Light, then her Warder blocked her way. “Don’t.”

“They kill people!”

“And what happens if we kill those two? Do you think they will stop? They will send two other men, who will also interrogate everyone who helps at the infirmary to find out who killed their brothers.”

Angrily, Moiraine turned her eyes back on the Whitecloaks but didn’t try to follow them. She knew the Malkieri was right, though she didn’t like letting them walk away. Lan pulled her against his body and kissed her hair. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”

Nodding, the Cairhien woman allowed the man from the Borderlands to lead her inside. Hopefully, she wouldn’t run into Whitecloaks today, or she couldn’t promise not to attack them.

As always, the infirmary was overrun by people who needed medical attention. Lan created a path to the area where the helpers gathered, pulling Moiraine with him. At least that area was empty since all the other helpers were already working – but not for long.

Shortly after Moiraine and Lan had arrived, Nynaeve found them. “We have a problem.”

The Aes Sedai sighed heavily. It wasn’t as if she was surprised by Nynaeve’s outburst, yet it annoyed her that the young woman from the Two Rivers didn’t wait until they were ready to deal with her anger.

“We know we’re late, Nynaeve. I decided to stay longer in bed and convinced Lan to do the same. Can we skip the yelling until we’re done for today?”

“She didn’t convince me, I decided myself to stay in bed,” Lan growled while glaring at Moiraine for trying to take the blame.

“I don’t care about who the reason for you showing up late was!” The Wisdom hissed, stepping closer to the Aes Sedai and Warder. “If I’m honest, I hoped the two of you wouldn’t show up today.”

Confused, Moiraine and Lan furrowed their forehead. Nynaeve had hoped they wouldn’t come to help? Why should she wish for that? She had obligated every one of the Emond’s Fielder and Elayne to help wherever possible. Since Rand and Perrin couldn’t help out because of the Whitecloaks, Nynaeve had obligated Lan and Moiraine as helpers. What changed her mind?

“Nynaeve, if that’s still about yesterday, I-“

“Just listen!”

The young woman was truly pissed. Moiraine and Lan glanced at each other, then decided to play along. Whatever was bothering Nynaeve, it couldn’t be good.

Anxiously, the Wisdom checked if someone was listening, then pulled a scroll out of her left sock and handed it to Lan. “We found this in the morning. Someone spread them everywhere in the city. Almost every wall is covered with them. I’m surprised you didn’t see them on your way.”

“What is that?” Moiraine asked when Lan enrolled the paper.

Once the uncrowned king of Malkier was done reading, he put the scroll back together, then let his eyes wander over the patients. His lips were pressed to a grim line. Whatever stood on that scroll wasn’t good.

“Lan?”

“You two should return to the house and stay there,” Nynaeve suggested, her eyes fixed on Lan as if Moiraine wasn’t there. “Egwene, Elayne, and I can bring you supplies while you stay hidden from everyone’s eyes.”

Staying hidden? Moiraine couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Why in the light’s name should she hide? But it shocked her more when Lan nodded and hummed, agreeing, still thinking heavily.

“What is going on?”

Anger started to bubble in Moiraine’s veins when she was still ignored. Did Lan even hear her? It was like his mind was miles away.

“There is no way out of the city – not yet,” Nynaeve said as if she knew what Lan was thinking. “Your best chance is to stay hidden at the moment.”

The Aes Sedai had enough. She didn’t like not to be included in their plans. Angrily, she grabbed the scroll from Lan’s hands and opened it.

Official announcement by the White Tower

Moiraine Damodred Sedai and her Warder a’Lan Mandragoran Gaidin have been identified as Darkfriends. Whoever has information about their current whereabouts will be rewarded with a thousand gold coins and another two thousand for those who deliver them to the White Tower alive.

Siuan Sanche

Watcher of the Seals. The Flame of Tar Valon. The Amyrlin Seat.

Moiraine felt like someone had emptied a bucket full of ice water over her head. She was freezing, though the temperature was hot in Falme, and her stomach had turned upside down. Darkfriends. Her fingers moved over the written words. There was no doubt. She knew Siuan’s beautiful handwriting. Those words have been written by the Tairen woman herself.

So, you have been found and healed in Cairhien. A tiny part of her was relieved, but it got swallowed by the cold of the words in her hand. Darkfriends. This is the first thing you do? Announcing us as Darkfriends? How could you do that, Siuan? Yes, we left with Lanfear, but how can you honestly believe I’ve turned to the dark?

“We’re leaving.”

Lan’s calm voice broke through Moiraine’s spiraling thoughts, but she barely felt his hand on her arm. Her body was numb from the cold she felt.

The Malkieri pulled the scroll from her cold fingers, then hid it in his pants. “The sooner we’re gone, the less people will remember us.”

Nynaeve nodded. “I’ll inform Egwene and Elayne so they’re careful with their words. We can’t let anyone-“

“We’re not leaving.”

Both Lan and Nynaeve looked at Moiraine in shock when the Cairhien woman finally spoke. They looked like they expected an explanation, but Moiraine wasn’t in the mood for an argument. Her mind was still processing the content of the scroll. Siuan had declared her as a Darkfriend!

Her feet carried her forward, ready to return to their daily routine. The patients were waiting for them to bring-

“Moiraine!” Lan’s fingers encircled her wrist, pulling her back to him. He had lowered his voice, probably afraid of anyone listening in on them. “This is madness. We can’t just continue like nothing happened. People will look out for us.”

“And what do you imagine will they think when we suddenly disappear on the day this announcement appeared in the city?”

Lan threw his hands up in frustration. “Hopefully, nothing at all.”

“The people aren’t stupid. We make ourselves suspicious if we do that.”

Sighing, the Malkieri pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t think clearly right now. Please allow me to bring you back to the house. We can talk about our next steps there.”

The Cairhien woman chuckled quietly, “I’m well aware of how bad it looks for us.”

Lan reached out his hand, but Moiraine blocked him. She couldn’t take his comfort right now. Her body and mind were still in shock about what her lover had done to her.

“Moiraine, please,” the uncrowned king of Malkier begged. It was useless. Moiraine shook her head. “She offered the people a lot of money for information. Everyone who needs the money will give us up.”

“Only a few people know where and who we are. We have already prepared by appearing in this city as husband and wife, Andra. No one will inform the White Tower about us being here.”

Growling, Lan let his eyes wander over the patients again. He wasn’t comfortable with Moiraine’s idea. “I don’t like this… Alys. I have a bad feeling about this.”

“I can’t sit in the house right now.” Moiraine shuddered at the thought of being trapped in their little house. Her mind would go wild with theories and speculations. No. She needed the distraction working in the infirmary would give her.

Sadness moved over Lan’s face. His hand landed at the back of her head, pulling their heads together. “And I need you to be safe.” The Aes Sedai winced when she felt her Warder’s worries through the bond. Her eyes were burning from upcoming tears. Blood and ashes! “I can’t lose you, Moiraine.”

“I’m not leaving,” Moiraine croaked, pushing Lan off her. She couldn’t deal with him right now. First, she had to think.

“Moiraine.” Without looking back, she turned around and left Lan and Nynaeve behind her. The tears threatened to fall, and she didn’t want the Wisdom to see them. “Alys!”

Chapter Text

The hours went by, and Moiraine didn’t know what she was doing. Luckily, her body remembered and simply did what she had done the last few days. Moiraine couldn’t say what she had done but assumed that she brought patients their food and took care of their injuries.

Meanwhile, her thoughts were spiraling, and she always saw the scroll with the official announcement before her eyes.

Moiraine Damodred… a’Lan Mandragoran… Darkfriends… information… will be rewarded… thousand gold coins… another two thousand… White Tower… Siuan Sanche

She had imagined countless times what Siuan must have thought about Moiraine following a Forsaken instead of helping her. But announcing her as a Darkfriend? – Without talking to her first?

Apparently, Siuan’s anger had spoken, and she had forgotten to use her head. Otherwise, she would’ve never made that announcement. But how could Moiraine explain her actions? After the events in Cairhien, Siuan was undoubtedly heavily guarded.

Their secret hut would be the only way to talk to the Tairen woman privately. Sadly, Moiraine needed the Ter’angreal from her bedroom but couldn’t go there because she had been exiled from the Tower.

And would Siuan even go there? Now that she believed the Cairhien woman was a Darkfriend? Surely, she would try to avoid anything that could remind her of their time together.

But letters would also be challenging. Siuan could burn them before she even opened them to read Moiraine’s words. And would she believe what Moiraine had to say? Yes, she was angry momentarily, but surely, she would see reason once she calmed down, right?

Moiraine Damodred. Darkfriend.

The Aes Sedai shivered. She still felt cold, and nothing seemed to help. Light, would she ever feel warm again?

“Alys.”

Leaving an injured Siuan in Cairhien had broken her heart, but that was nothing compared to how it felt now. It was like the Tairen woman had turned it into a thousand pieces with one single word.

Darkfriend.

“Alys.”

A hand on her arm rattled Moiraine from her thoughts. Quickly, she swirled around, and her arm moved to punch her attacker in the face.

Luckily, Lan had great instincts. Effortlessly, he padded her arm away, then pulled her flat against his body. “That was a good attempt, but I think we have to train your fighting skills again. Every experienced soldier could’ve blocked that.”

Growling, the Cairhien woman pushed the man off her. “What do you want?”

The Malkieri had been sneaking around all day, just like everyone else. Moiraine had no idea how he convinced Nynaeve to let him stay instead of sending him out to rebuild houses. Usually, the young woman from the Two Rivers liked to separate them.

It was beyond her knowledge how much Egwene and Elayne knew, but even they had a watchful eye on Moiraine all day, so they had to know something.

Lan’s smile faded, and he brushed a loose lock behind her ear. “It’s time for a break.”

“I’m not done here.”

She tried to get back to her work, but Lan was quicker and caught her arm. “It’s been hours since you drank or eaten anything. You can’t help anyone if you collapse.”

“I’m not hungry.”

A sad shimmer moved over Lan’s face. “I know. And I don’t think you will eat much, but I hoped you would try eating something – for me.”

Moiraine swallowed. The bloody man knew how to get under her skin.

“Are you alright, Alys?” The helper, who had approached Moiraine after her argument with Nynaeve yesterday, appeared behind Lan. Her eyes took in the Malkieri warily. “Do you need some help?”

Lan turned around. “She is alright. I take care of her.”

“Do you want me to call the Whitecloaks, Alys? If that man is bothering you, they can-“

“I’m her husband,” the Malkieri growled.

The woman from Falme – Moiraine’s shocked brain couldn’t remember the name – shot daggers at the man from the Borderlands. “Sometimes, it’s the husband a woman needs to be protected off.”

Lan’s growl didn’t impress the woman. Again, she turned to Moiraine. “Do you need help?”

Sighing, the Aes Sedai shook her head. She wanted to be left alone, yet everyone seemed to look out for her. “Thank you, Miasa.” Right! That has been her name! “I don’t need help.”

“You don’t have to endure him. If he treats you badly, it is no shame to leave him and seek help. You can stay with me if you-“

“She said she doesn’t need help.”

Lan didn’t see that he was making things worse instead of better. If he didn’t shut up soon, Miasa would call the Whitecloaks.

Quickly, Moiraine grabbed Lan’s arm and pulled him back, placing herself between him and Miasa. Those two stood definitely too close.

“Thank you for your concern, Miasa, but I’m truly in no need of help. Andra would never hurt me. He is only concerned about my well-being.”

The woman of Falme didn’t look convinced but nodded finally. “Alright. Should you change your mind… come and find me. You don’t have to explain anything at all.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

One last time, Miasa threw an evil eye at Lan, then turned around and left. Relieved, Moiraine took a deep breath. She couldn’t deal with the Whitecloaks again – at least not today. Yesterday had been more than enough.

“Are you friends?”

“What?” Tiredly, the Cairhien woman faced the Malkieri.

“Are you two friends?” Lan nodded at the leaving Miasa. “She protected you like she cares about you.”

“I have no idea why she acted like that. We’re not friends. She is just another helper.”

Luckily, the man from the Borderlands accepted her answer. Calmly, he stepped closer. “Would you please eat and drink something?”

For a heartbeat, the Aes Sedai was tempted to decline his request. But she felt his worries through the bond. He didn’t want her to collapse, and she really hadn’t drunk much. So, she nodded in defeat.

“Thank the light.”

Her Warder looked like a heavy burden had been lifted off his shoulders. He offered her his hand, and Moiraine took it after a moment of hesitation. Food and drinking, then she could return to her heavy thinking.

Lan ensured Moiraine got tea and a bowl of soup with some bread. The food made her stomach turn, so the Malkieri pushed the cup into her hands first, obviously hoping it would help to calm her upset stomach. After that, he left to get himself something to eat.

The tea actually helped. For the first time in hours, Moiraine’s hands started to warm up, and it felt wonderful when the warm liquid went down her throat. It didn’t last long, but it was a start.

Soon, the uncrowned king of Malkier returned with a bowl and bread for himself and a pot of tea. Then he sat beside her.

“Don’t you think others would like some tea, too?”

“There is more than enough tea for everyone,” Lan responded and shrugged his shoulder. “No one will notice it’s missing.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Elayne appeared and took the seat opposite her aunt. “Nynaeve likes to keep an eye on everything.”

The Aes Sedai sighed heavily. Of course, her niece used the opportunity to join them. Had anyone eaten before her? “Is there anything we can do for you, Elayne?”

“Actually, yes. I’d like to hear about your plan.”

“What plan?”

“How to deal with… the new situation.” The daughter-heir raised her eyebrows at the last three words. “Alys.” Her voice indicated that she didn’t like the name.

Moiraine took a sip before she answered. “I don’t have a plan.”

Elayne was shocked. “You can’t actually plan on staying here, pretending to be a married woman called Alys.”

“Why not?”

“Well, because…” The young woman turned to Lan as if she wished for him to join and knock some sense into his Aes Sedai. But the Warder had his eyes locked on his soup, eating slowly like he enjoyed every sip of it. “… the Whitecloaks won’t leave any time soon. And once the White Tower hears about what has happened here, they will send a group of Sisters to investigate. Do you really think you can hide from them?”

The woman of the Blue Ajah wished she had never agreed to eat something. Now, she had to deal with Elayne’s attempts to find a solution while she was still not over Siuan’s announcement.

Lan pushed the bowl closer to Moiraine. Angry, the Cairhien woman looked at him. It was his fault she sat at that table. The least he could do was help her with Elayne.

Apparently, the Malkieri got the message because he faced the daughter-heir sighing. “How about you leave the planning to us? We’ll inform you guys once we have a plan to leave that place.”

“And how long will all that planning take? Time is not on our side with that announcement hanging everywhere.”

“Longer when we have to deal with nosy children who don’t stop asking questions,” Lan growled.

Those words brought him an evil eye from Elayne. “I’m not nosy nor a child. And since I’m her niece…” This time, the young woman nodded in Moiraine’s direction as if Lan didn’t know who she was. “…I have a right to know how she intends to save herself. I don’t want to see her get killed because the Amyrlin listens to the wrong people.”

Darkfriends.

A shiver ran over Moiraine’s spine. Would Siuan go that far? Would she kill Moiraine because she had followed a Forsaken? Would Siuan do it herself or leave it to another Sister? Liandrin maybe? Or someone else from the Red Ajah?

All of a sudden, the Cairhien woman felt cold again. Not even the tea in her hands was able to warm her.

“That’s enough,” Lan hissed. “How about you choose a different table to eat?”

Elayne straightened, then presented a perfect royal appearance. “No, thank you. I’m perfectly fine.” Calmly, she lifted the spoon to her mouth.

The uncrowned king of Malkier wanted to protest, but the Cairhien woman stopped him by placing her hand on his arm. She knew stubborn highborn people, and her niece could be terribly stubborn.

Silence fell over the table. All three stared at their soup while eating very slowly.

It seemed like the day didn’t want to end. Twice, Nynaeve tried to convince Moiraine to leave the infirmary until they had a plan for how to get her and Lan out of the city. Both times, the woman of the Blue Ajah declined the offer. She didn’t admit it, but she was actually afraid to return to the little house she and Lan had rented. Her mind was already spiraling, but at least at the infirmary, she could distract herself by helping people. In the house… she didn’t know what her mind would be doing once she was trapped in there.

When the sun painted the sky red, it was time to go home. Moiraine had handed her last patient – a young sailor from Falme – his tray filled with his dinner after checking on his injured leg and putting a new bandage on for the night.

The man was close to Lan’s age and started flirting with the Cairhien woman. No matter how often she told him they had no future together, the sailor didn’t stop. He even insisted that her husband wasn’t good for her and that he would be better for her. His cute attempts actually made Moiraine smile and made her forget about her problems with Siuan for a moment. In the end, she stayed, keeping him company while he ate and listening to his stories.

“Moiraine!”

Surprised, the Aes Sedai turned her head toward the entrance of the infirmary. Lan stood there, looking pissed. Blood and ashes! She had completely lost track of time! Nerus’ stories had distracted her better than she had imagined.

“I’ll be there in a moment,” Moiraine responded to the Malkieri while getting up. Nerus had offered her a seat on his bed. Smiling, she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for entertaining me.”

“Now!”

Shocked, the Aes Sedai turned toward her Warder. What was wrong with him? It wasn’t like they needed to be somewhere. A few more minutes didn’t hurt anyone. And couldn’t he feel that Nerus’ stories had distracted her from her spiraling thoughts?

But the look on the Malkieri’s face told the Cairhien woman that he wasn’t amused about her. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who wasn’t in a good mood today.

“Good night, Nerus.”

The sailor mumbled something. He suddenly seemed highly interested in his blanket. Moiraine smiled at the sight. As brave as the young man had sounded minutes ago, he now feared Lan’s wrath for flirting with his wife.

When the Aes Sedai turned around and moved over to her Warder, she noticed the anger in his eyes. Was it possible that Lan wasn’t pissed because she was late but because she had spent time with Nerus? But they only acted like husband and wife. It wasn’t like there were any romantic feelings between them.

Nynaeve had also appeared and looked at the Malkieri in confusion, something obviously bothering her.

Quickly, the Cairhien woman mended her pace. She didn’t want to start another argument with Nynaeve. Hopefully, the young woman from the Two Rivers wouldn’t make a scene and allow Moiraine to leave without interfering.

Finally, Moiraine stopped before Lan. “What is so important that I had to-?”

She was cut off when the man from the Borderlands closed the distance between them, pressing his lips on hers. Moiraine was too shocked to move. Was that actually happening right now? Or had she already lost her mind?

But Nynaeve’s shocked gasp echoed in her ears, followed by her exclamation, “What in light’s name?!”

The words broke Moiraine’s rigidity, and she was able to take a step back. Lan didn’t stop her. Instead, a mischievous gleam appeared in his eyes, and his lips turned into a satisfied smile.

“You’re not Lan,” the Aes Sedai whispered.

The smile grew bigger. What was going on?

“Alys?”

Again, Lan’s voice appeared, but in her back this time. Slowly, Moiraine turned around. Lan stood between two beds on the other side of the room, holding two trays in his hands. Apparently, he had finished delivering dinner to other patients.

And then the Cairhien woman noticed something else, facing the man before her once again. “You called me ‘Moiraine’.” How had she not noticed that before? For days, Lan never called her by her real name when they were in public. And after today’s announcement, he wouldn’t dare put her in danger by being so careless.

“I wondered how long it would take for you to notice, but I assumed you wouldn’t suspect anything when I call your name. Your mind has been far away all day. Did the announcement rattle you?”

Lan’s voice became higher until it turned into the voice of a woman. After that, the imposter shook his head, and Lan’s hair knot opened. The hair became longer and thicker. Every grey stray, which had appeared over the years, disappeared until it gleamed in perfect black locks.

Finally, Lan’s entire figure moved, forming into the body of a beautiful woman.

“Lanfear,” Moiraine breathed, taking another step back.

The daughter of the night bowed theatrically. “In the flesh. Did you miss me?”

“What do you want?”

Moiraine felt sick. She couldn’t start a fight with a Forsaken in the infirmary. Those people were already injured. How could she convince the woman to go outside? Would she even listen?

But Lanfear didn’t look like she was interested in fighting. She was actually grinning like she was enjoying her life while starting to walk up and down before Moiraine. What was she planning?

“Well, I thought about my next steps and what I wanted to do – now that I’m free again. I mean, the world has changed a lot since the last time I’ve been here, and I can’t wait to explore everything.” The crazy woman sounded like she was going on an exciting journey she had always dreamed about. She took another turn. “But then I was thinking – about unfinished business.” Lanfear stopped before the Cairhien woman - who tried not to show her fear - with a finger tapping against her jaw like she was actually thinking about something. Could Moiraine win a fight against a Forsaken? “You see, the two of us had an awful start. All this chasing, running, and hiding. The Dragon Reborn. First, being with me, then with you when you tried to kill me and kidnapped him.”

“I-“ Moiraine started, but Lanfear didn’t let her continue.

“So, I thought I couldn’t leave without finding the proper payback for your killing attempt – which was pretty painful, by the way.”

Blood and ashes! This time, Rand wasn’t there to protect her. And Moiraine didn’t know how to respond to that. She did try to kill Lanfear. Would she use the One Power? Or did the woman want to let Moiraine die with the same weapons she used on the Forsaken? The daughter of the night didn’t have a weapon in her hand, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t create one with a flick of her wrist. She belonged to the Age of Legends and wasn’t bound by the Three Oaths.

Light, Lan! She had bonded him again. Now, he would feel her death. Would he go mad? Could Nynaeve help him before he killed himself by trying to fight against Lanfear?

Nervously, the Cairhien woman licked her lips, then froze. That couldn’t be true. She didn’t… But the growing smile on Lanfear’s face told Moiraine that the woman had done it. Finally, she noticed how her lips started to turn numb. Blood and ashes!

“No.”

“At first, I couldn’t decide on how to kill you. I mean, the possibilities are endless. So, I stuck around to gather information and presented myself to you as Miasa.” Moiraine’s stomach turned when she realized how close the Forsaken had been the last few days. “And that was when I noticed that you and your Warder appear as husband and wife, but that Wisdom is clearly in love with him. I guess you understand I couldn’t resist using him to punish you and play a trick on the girl.”

Moiraine threw a glance at Nynaeve. The young woman of the Two Rivers was clearly in shock. She hadn’t moved since Lanfear had transformed into her true self.

A cold hand cupped the Aes Sedai’s cheek, and a thumb moved over her numb lips. Lanfear had stepped closer with a dangerous gleam in her eyes. The woman of the Blue Ajah stumbled backward. She didn’t want to be close to the Forsaken.

Lanfear laughed at her reaction. “Enjoy what’s coming for you. All those possibilities what your life could’ve looked like if you had made a different decision. I wonder what would’ve happened to you if you never found the Dragon Reborn. Would you be at the White Tower? Or somewhere else?”

The poison found its way through Moiraine’s veins, burning along the way, and she shivered from the cold. Light, that was bad! How much time had she left?

“Alys!”

Lanfear threw a glance at something behind Moiraine’s back, but the Aes Sedai already knew that Lan was closing in on her. The bond told him something terrible had happened, even though Lanfear hadn’t done anything visible to Moiraine. Was he affected by the poison? Would she be able to say goodbye?

“It was long overdue, anyway. You should’ve died at the Eye of the World, but Ishamael wanted to torture you instead of killing you.” The daughter of the night blew a kiss at the Cairhien woman. “It was nice playing with you, Moiraine.”

A portal opened behind the Forsaken. Lanfear waved one last time and stepped through, then the portal was gone, and the woman with it. How did she do that?

Suddenly, Moiraine’s vision started to blur, and her knees gave way. Her whole body felt like it was on fire. The poison rushed through her veins, heating her blood until she felt like she was burning up from the inside.

“Alys!”

Lan. He sounded so far away. Where was he? She had to apologize. She had to say goodbye. He didn’t deserve to watch her die before his eyes. There were so many things she still needed to tell him. Lan. Where are you, Lan?

Finally, his strong arms wrapped around her weak body, keeping her upright because she didn’t have the strength to do it herself. His smell surrounded her while all her other senses got infected by the poison.

“Moiraine? Can you hear me, Moiraine?”

Her name. Not Alys. In the end, he called her by her real name. The Aes Sedai wanted to answer him – wanted to calm him, wanted to say goodbye – but the darkness closed in on her, pulling her down into the burning fire that waited for her.

Chapter Text

Moiraine felt like she was floating. It was dark, but she was burning on the inside. She couldn’t say for how long – it felt like an eternity. What had happened? Where was she? Was she sleeping? But why wasn’t she waking up? Light, thinking felt hard! Why couldn’t she remember?

“Moiraine? Can you hear me, Moiraine?”

There! She knew that voice! That voice meant safety. Nothing could happen when she was with that person. All she had to do was open her damn eyes to be with him.

But her eyes refused to obey. Her whole body felt wrong as if she suddenly didn’t know how to use it any longer. Why was she still burning?

A cold hand touched hers, and she shivered. Was there someone with her in the dark? But who? And was that person a friend or an enemy?

“She is still not responding.”

“Give her time, my lord.”

They were talking about her! But who was talking? She knew those voices but couldn’t put a name or a face to it. Blood and ashes! When would that burning stop?! And why did her body refuse to wake up? She never had a problem to wake when she wanted it.

“Come back to me, Moiraine.”

The Aes Sedai wanted to cry. She was trying! Couldn’t they see that she was trying to break through the darkness?! She wanted to wake up!

After that moment, everything turned silent again, leaving Moiraine floating through the darkness alone. Either the people had left her since she wasn’t responding, or they had turned quiet. Or was it something else? Was she hallucinating? What if she wasn’t sleeping? What if…?

The image of a black-haired woman appeared for a second. She had a mischievous smile on her lips and a dangerous look in her eyes. Who was that? Moiraine felt the woman had something to do with her current situation but couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t she remember? Light, she needed to wake up!

What was happening around her? What was she missing? There were people who were counting on her and some who…

A wave of love washed over her, warming her cold body slightly. Love. Someone loved her. Someone who wanted her to wake up. But who? Did she love that person, too? Why couldn’t she remember that person?

Moiraine wanted to scream. She was tired of that darkness. She was tired of the feeling of floating through nothing. She was tired of not knowing what was happening. When would that end?

Was that woman with the black hair responsible for her condition? Could she undo it? Or would Moiraine need her help to regain her consciousness? Could she summon her somehow? Or maybe contact her? But she didn’t know her name. How do you call someone whose name you don’t know?

The voices didn’t return, but slowly, the darkness started to brighten. Hope filled the Cairhien woman to escape the nightmare for good. And then, she was able to open her eyes.

First, she noticed it was day. She lay in a comfortable, soft bed with a beautiful ceiling. If wanted, the sides could be closed by curtains, but they were tied to the bedposts momentarily.

It was a beautiful bedroom – worthy of a lady – but she didn’t recognize it. Wherever she was, she didn’t believe she had ever seen that room before.

And then she realized someone held her hand. Surprised, her eyes followed the strong arm to her right side. A man sat in a chair beside the bed, sleeping. His black hair was held back by the hadori around his forehead.

“Lan.”

Relief washed over her when she recognized the man from the Borderlands. Lan. Her Warder. The man by her side for twenty years. Smiling, she gently squeezed his hand. He was there!

Suddenly, the Malkieri’s eyes flew open, then widened when he saw her. “Moiraine.” He sounded like he couldn’t believe it.

In the next moment, he was out of the chair, sitting next to her. Lan never let go of her hand while his other fingers moved tenderly over her face. “You’re awake.”

When he was shocked, then how long had she been gone? The Aes Sedai tried to remember what had happened, but her head hurt like someone tried to split it open. Grimacing, she lifted a hand to the back of her head. What was wrong with her?

“Right. Forgive me. I’ll call the Healer.”

Surprised, Moiraine watched Lan jumping out of bed and rushing toward the door. The Healer? An image of a young woman with a braid appeared before her eyes. Moiraine remembered how she loved to growl and shoot daggers at Moiraine whenever the woman of the Blue Ajah seemed to open her mouth. And she remembered Lan’s feelings for the Wisdom. Nynaeve.

“Healer? Usually, we refer to her as the Wisdom,” she sighed, then sat upright. She rubbed her temple. Light, that headache was killing her.

Lan – who was done giving someone orders outside the room – closed the door and returned to her with a furrowed forehead. “Wisdom? Isn’t that the term the people of… Andor use when they talk about their Healers?”

“Well, the Two Rivers belong to Andor, so... yes.”

“The Two Rivers.”

Why was Lan repeating everything she said like he never heard about it before? Confused, Moiraine lifted her eyes, watching the man approaching her with a wary look in his eyes. What was wrong with him?

“Yes. She lived there?”

“Who lived there, Moiraine?”

“What do you mean who… I’m talking about Nynaeve, of course.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier was silent for a moment while he sat beside her again. “Nynaeve.”

It sounded weird, like he didn’t know how to pronounce the name. And there was no emotion when he mentioned the name of the Wisdom. Why wasn’t he feeling anything? He loved that woman. Why couldn’t she hear the love in his voice?

“Yes. Nynaeve al’Meara. The Wisdom from the Two Rivers.”

Finally, Lan raised his eyebrows. What took him so long? It wasn’t like they were talking about someone they barely knew. Nynaeve was a pain in Moiraine’s ass since they arrived at the Two Rivers.

“The Wisdom from the Two Rivers. You mean the woman who was killed during the Trolloc attack at Bel Tine, right?”

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. Killed? Yes, at first, they had assumed Nynaeve had been killed since Egwene mentioned a Trolloc had taken her. But soon, they had found out that Nynaeve had survived the attack.

The Aes Sedai shook her head, which she regretted immediately when the pain hit her hard. Cursing inwardly, she grabbed her head with both hands as if that would help against the pain.

“Nynaeve survived. She found us in the woods,” she explained through gritted teeth. Blood and ashes! What had happened to her?

Silence answered her, then she heard water splashing. A wet cloth was placed on her forehead. Calmly, Lan pressed it against her skin, brushing a wet lock out of her face. His lips were pressed into a thin line, telling Moiraine that he was thinking about his words.

“What?”

His eyes found hers, and she saw how he took a deep breath. Light! He even wet his lips before he opened his mouth! “Moiraine.” When Moiraine heard how soft his voice was, she suddenly wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. “No one followed us after we left the Two Rivers.”

The Aes Sedai’s mind went blank. What was she supposed to say? Had she lost her mind? Or was Lan playing a trick on her?

“She found us outside Shadar Lagoth.”

“I would never get you anywhere near that cursed city.”

“You didn’t have a choice. The Trollocs were after the kids, and I was injured. If you hadn’t-“

“Kids? What are you talking about, Moiraine?”

Frustrated, the Cairhien woman pushed his hand away and took the cloth down. “Are you playing dumb, or do you try to test me?”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about, Moiraine. It has been years since we went to the Two Rivers, and your words make no sense to me.”

It felt as if the Malkieri had slapped her in the face. Years? It hadn’t been years since they went to the Two Rivers. But the confused look on Lan’s face told Moiraine that he truly didn’t know what she was talking about.

“You don’t know who Nynaeve is?”

“I remember that we spoke to a young woman who was their Wisdom, but it was short, and I honestly don’t remember her very well. According to Egwene, a Trolloc took her, and she was announced dead.”

More memories returned to Moiraine when Lan mentioned Egwene. Another young woman who could channel. She and her friends went with the Aes Sedai and Warder so the Trollocs would follow them and spare the village.

“But you know Egwene.”

Lan sighed heavily, then threw a glance at the door like he was hoping for help before he faced her again and nodded. “We both know Egwene. You noticed she could channel, so we took her with us.”

“What about the others?” More faces appeared. Three young men – one with the ability to channel. “Perrin and Mat. Rand.”

At the last name, the uncrowned king of Malkier raised his eyebrows. Well, he remembered a name after all.

“Rand al’Thor. The Dragon Reborn.” Moiraine sighed, relieved. At least, Lan remembered Rand. Maybe she could- “He was also killed at Bel Tine.”

An icy chill moved over Moiraine’s spine. No. She must have misunderstood Lan. Rand wasn’t… he couldn’t….

Her vision blurred when new images appeared. The Aes Sedai camp. Logain Ablar. Kerene’s death. The White Tower. The secret hut. Siuan. Her exile. The Ways. Machin Shin. Fal Dara. Rand, announcing he was the Dragon. The Eye of the World. Ishamael, stilling her. Tifan’s Well. Verin and Adeleas. Three Myrddraals. Cairhien. Lanfear. Siuan, shielding Rand. The return of Saidar. Their escape through the Ways. Rebonding Lan. Their fight at the beach. The fire dragon as a banner over Falme. Their-

“Moiraine.” Lan’s hand on her cheek pulled the Cairhien woman out of her memories. Light, she felt sick!

“Rand isn’t dead. We took him and the others to Fal Dara, and I brought him to the Eye of the World, where he met Ishamael.”

“Ishamael? The Forsaken?”

“We just announced him the Dragon Reborn a few days ago in Falme. Now, the world knows about him, and we just have to wait until the Whitecloaks leave the city so we can go, too.”

“Moiraine.” The Warder took her face in his hands to gain her attention. “Nothing of what you’re describing happened. We left the Two Rivers with Egwene and no one else. You took her under your wing and taught her to channel because she didn’t want to go to Tar Valon.”

Are you going to kill us like you did that ferryman?

Yes, she taught Egwene a few things about the One Power but didn’t teach her how to channel properly. She learned that at the White Tower.

Frustrated, Moiraine pushed Lan’s hands away, then moved toward the other side of the bed. She had to get out. Her eyes took in the room again, and she finally realized those walls didn’t belong to Falme. Wherever she was, she wasn’t in Falme anymore.

“This isn’t Falme.”

“Of course not.” When she heard Lan’s irritated voice, Moiraine noticed she had spoken out loud. “We’re in Fal Dara in the Borderlands.”

The Aes Sedai looked at her Warder like he had turned into a Trolloc. Fal Dara? Why should they be in Fal Dara? They had left the city months ago!

“No.” Again, she shook her head, ignoring the pain that hit her because of the motion. Then she climbed out of bed. “No. This is a dream. I have to wake up.”

“Moiraine. Stop.” Moiraine heard Lan moving but didn’t care. She had to be faster than him. “You’re injured.”

“I’m not injured. I got poisoned.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, the Cairhien woman saw Lanfear’s smiling face before her.

Enjoy what’s coming for you. All those possibilities what your life could’ve looked like if you had made a different decision. I wonder what would’ve happened to you if you never found the Dragon Reborn. Would you be at the White Tower? Or somewhere else?

All that was Lanfear’s doing. She had created that place for Moiraine to get her revenge. None of it was true! She just had to wake up.

Her knees gave way as soon as she was out of bed. Cursing, the Aes Sedai tried to get back on her feet but didn’t have the strength to do it. Her head was killing her, and her vision blurred again. The floor was cold since she only wore a nightgown. Where were her clothes?

“Light, woman. Can’t you just listen to me?”

Lan appeared by her side, pulling her in his strong arms, and Moiraine noticed tears rolling over her cheeks. How could he feel so real when she knew none of it was true? What was happening?

“Let go of me.”

The harder the Aes Sedai fought against the Warder, the more he held on to her. Was he even feeling her attempts to free herself?

They were moving until Moiraine felt the soft bed under her again. But this time, Lan crawled into bed with her, holding her while she fought. He didn’t say a word. Instead, the man allowed his warm presence and the gentle movements of his hand - rubbing circles on her back - to calm her until she stopped fighting and simply lay there, snuggling up to him and clutching his tunic in her hands. Her head was spinning, and the pain didn’t make it any easier. What was right and what was wrong? Was she losing her mind, or did all that belong to Lanfear’s plan?

Moiraine couldn’t say how long she and Lan lay on the bed. None of them had moved. The pain was still there, though it wasn’t as extreme as it had been when she had moved. Maybe if she waited a little bit longer, the pain would go away, and she could think straight again.

At that moment, the door opened. “What happened in here?”

The Cairhien woman lifted her head and regretted it immediately. The pain returned with full force.

“She woke up,” Lan explained while carefully placing Moiraine on her back. Obviously, he had felt the stab of pain.

“I’m pretty sure I mentioned not to move her due to her injury. Yet, I find you two in bed. My memory may not be the best, but I’m certain you sat in that chair over there, my lord, when I left the room the last time.”

Groaning, Moiraine opened her eyes to look at the intruder. A woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes had entered, wearing the typical clothes of a Wisdom and carrying a bag with her, which she placed on the small table beside the bed. Immediately, the room started to smell like thousands of herbs. Apparently, the Healer had arrived.

“She….” Lan moved out of bed and joined the woman at the table. Moiraine noticed how he lowered his voice. “She isn’t doing well.”

“I assumed nothing else. It was a hard impact.” The woman didn’t care about lowering her voice. She stepped closer, checking on Moiraine’s eyes.

“Who are you?” The Cairhien woman wanted to know. She tried to block the Healer, but the woman must have been used to complicated patients because she knew how to deal with Moiraine’s attempts.

Yet, the intruder turned her head with a questioning eyebrow at Lan. “Memory loss?”

Lan appeared with crossed arms before his chest at the end of the bed. “I’m afraid it’s worse than that.”

“How so?”

“She remembers events which happened in the past differently. And she believes people who died years ago are still alive.”

Angrily, Moiraine grabbed a pillow and threw it at the Malkieri. She didn’t like that those two were talking about her like she wasn’t there. Of course, the movement wasn’t good for the pain, but she didn’t care. Sadly, the pillow didn’t hit the target. Lan didn’t even flinch. But when she tried to grab another one, the Healer stopped her.

“That’s enough, my lady. You shouldn’t wear yourself out in your condition. It’s better to take things easy.”

Now, the Cairhien woman wanted to throw a pillow at the other woman. But because the pain was too much, she sank back into the pillows. Blood and ashes! What was wrong with her? “Who are you?”

“My name is Bianca, my lady. I’m the Healer in Fal Dara.”

Bianca. The name sounded familiar. Moiraine was sure she never met that woman before in her life. Was it possible Lan had told her about Bianca during their countless visits to the Borderlands?

“Bianca.” It didn’t help to repeat the name. She still didn’t know that woman.

And Bianca noticed it too. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You really don’t know who I am, do you?”

The woman of the Blue Ajah threw an evil eye at the woman before she closed her eyes again. “I don’t need your help.”

“You never do, my lady. But since there is no Aes Sedai around at the moment, you’ll have to deal with me. Chew that.” The Healer placed a leaf in Moiraine’s mouth, then returned to the table. “Since when is she pretending things happened differently in the past?”

“Since she woke up. She recognizes me but talks about people who died years ago like they’re still alive.”

Growling, Moiraine pulled the leaf out of her mouth. She was done listening to Lan and Bianca. All she needed was a way to wake up. “I’m not losing my mind.”

“I told you to chew, my lady,” the Healer scolded her. “Put the leaf back where it was. And we know you don’t lose your mind. The injury is the reason for your memory loss.”

“Injury? What injury? I was poisoned, not injured.”

Sighing, Bianca returned, moving her hands over Moiraine’s head until the Cairhien woman winced, and a whimper escaped her lips. She felt like the blonde woman had tried to split her head in half. “Does that feel like poison or a head injury?” Bianca nodded when Moiraine grimaced. “You fell off your horse and hit your head badly. But don’t worry. Your memory will probably return. Just take it easy the next few days and listen to what I’m saying then you should be fine. Otherwise, there is still the possibility to see an Aes Sedai to deal with your situation.” Determined, she took the leaf and placed it back in Moiraine’s mouth. “Now, chew.”

As if the Cairhien woman would obey so easily. Once the Healer returned to the table, she took the leaf out again and even sat upright, though the pain was terrible. Even Lan gritted his teeth. “I fell from my horse?” Now, she really knew she was dreaming. “I’ve never fallen off my horse in my entire life. I’m an excellent rider.”

“There’s a first time for everything, my lady.”

Moiraine had enough. She couldn’t sit there and listen to all that nonsense. She had to find a way to wake up from that nightmare.

This time, she used the other side to get out of bed. If no one believed her, she would figure out a solution by herself. And that silly pain wouldn’t stop her. She could ignore it.

“Moiraine.”

Blood and ashes! How had she forgotten about Lan watching her every move? The Malkieri was by her side in an instant, blocking her way.

Quickly, Moiraine changed direction, crawling to the other side – or rather, what she thought was quick.

Lan caught her by grabbing her waist and keeping her from escaping. When the Aes Sedai growled, the Warder joined her in bed, placing his large body behind hers until he was spooning her. His arms were wrapped around her to minimize her movement.

Bianca groaned when she turned around and saw them. “I turn my back on you for a minute and find you two in bed again. She is injured and should rest.”

“I’m trying to help here,” the Malkieri growled. “She tries to leave the bed, though she isn’t strong enough to stand on her feet. And all, because she remembers things differently.”

The Healer rolled her eyes in annoyance, then came over and grabbed the Cairhien woman’s left hand. Her other hand was already caught by the uncrowned king of Malkier. Bianca had a new leaf, but Moiraine pressed her lips together.

“Open your mouth, my lady.”

Moiraine shot daggers at the woman. She didn’t want her help. Whatever happened to her, she would find out the truth on her own.

A heavy sigh escaped Bianca’s lips. “She is stubborn like a mule. How do you live with her?”

“Help her,” Lan growled.

The Aes Sedai freed her hand, then winced. Her rings had been pressed together due to Bianca’s grip. Cursing, she moved her fingers to get rid of the pain. Rings? Confused, Moiraine took a closer look at her fingers. Her golden serpent ring sat on her middle finger as expected. But there was another golden one on her ring finger. It was a simple golden ring, nothing more. No symbols, no decorations, nothing.

“What is that?”

“Your hand?” Bianca sounded confused. “Don’t tell me you forgot what a hand looks like.”

“I know that it’s my hand,” Moiraine hissed. “I’m talking about the ring.”

Silence fell over the room, and the Aes Sedai felt her Warder stiffen. What happened? Had she said something wrong?

“The ring.” The Healer sounded like she didn’t know what to say. “Do you mean the serpent ring or-?”

“Don’t be stupid. I will never forget what the serpent ring means.” Moiraine lifted her hand in the air. “What does the other ring mean?”

Bianca’s eyes widened. “You forgot about your wedding ring?”

Moiraine’s heart stopped for a second. Wedding ring? Clearly, she must have misunderstood the blonde woman. The pain must have affected her hearing. There was no way she got married. It couldn’t be!

You forgot about your wedding ring?

Blood and ashes! Where was she?

Chapter Text

Moiraine sat at the window with a thin blanket around her shoulders. It had taken her ages to move from the bed to the window, and she had sunk to the floor more than once. But ultimately, she had reached the soft cushion, which was undoubtedly a comfortable place to read in summer.

The Aes Sedai didn't know what time of the year it was now, but there was a fire burning in the fireplace to warm the room, which was no comparison to the cold coming from the window. Yet, Moiraine didn't leave, though she was shivering under the blanket.

Her head hurt terribly. Bianca had prepared a tea for her, but Moiraine didn't trust her. What if the herbs sent her to sleep? The woman had mentioned countless times Moiraine should rest, and Lan was obviously on her side.

The uncrowned king of Malkier had left shortly after Bianca had run to another patient. Apparently, he had some appointments he had to attend, yet he didn't mention what kind of appointments. But if Moiraine was honest with herself, she didn't care at the moment. Her thoughts were already in uproar and didn't need another mystery to solve.

What had Lanfear done to her? Again, Moiraine tried to remember her last moments in Falme. She had helped at the infirmary. Lanfear had pretended to be Lan and kissed her. Her lips had turned numb, and her body had felt like it was burning up on the inside.

Enjoy what's coming for you. All those possibilities what your life could've looked like if you had made a different decision. I wonder what would've happened to you if you never found the Dragon Reborn. Would you be at the White Tower? Or somewhere else?

Did Lanfear create that world? A world where Moiraine had made a different choice? – Where the Dragon Reborn had died? What would she have done after his death? She had never thought about her life if her mission failed. What choices she would have made, or what plans she had for her future.

Moiraine's eyes fell on the small, golden ring. Subconsciously, her fingers had played with it while her thoughts were spiraling. Would she have married just because the prophecy didn't fulfill itself during her lifetime? And who did she marry?

Was it possible she and Siuan had dared to become fishwives? Was Siuan even the Amyrlin in that world? Were they living the life they had always dreamt about? Or was she married to someone else?

Carefully, the Cairhien woman pulled the ring off her finger and tilted it until she could read the engraving on the inside. 'The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.' Her stomach flipped painfully. No matter how often she read them – she had stopped counting after the tenth time – she felt like she needed to vomit. Light! How many times had she said those words? It was her mantra – her way of dealing with difficult situations. How could Lanfear know about it?

"What are you doing there?!"

Lan's angry voice pulled Moiraine out of her thoughts. Blinking, she turned her face to watch him placing a tray with soup on the table. Slowly, she put the ring back on her finger and wrapped the blanket close around her. Had he noticed how she played with the little jewelry?

"I'm not hungry."

Her stomach twisted painfully at the thought of swallowing food. The pain from her head injury – something she still had no explanation for – and her worries made it impossible to eat something.

But Lan wasn't so easily tricked. Growling, he rushed to the window. "Bianca was clear in her instructions. You need to rest if you want to get better."

"I'm resting. Or do you see me jumping?"

"And who helped you out of bed?" No, the man was no idiot. He knew the Cairhien woman's tricks very well. When she stayed silent instead of answering him, he nodded. "Just like I thought."

Before Moiraine even had the chance to protest, Lan lifted her up in his arms and carried her back to the bed in her wrapped state. Moiraine wasn't happy.

"Do you know how long it took me to get there?"

"Hopefully, long enough, so you'll think twice before doing it again." The Malkieri removed the thin blanket, then ensured the heavy and warm blanket covered her lower body. When his eyes fell on the filled cup of tea, he glared at her. "You were supposed to drink that tea."

"I don't know what those herbs do. But since Bianca desperately wanted me to get more sleep, I fear I wouldn't have liked the outcome."

Groaning, Lan rubbed his hands over his face. "Light, I shouldn't have left your side. I forgot how stubborn you can be when you make up your mind."

A golden shimmer caught Moiraine's eye, and she turned her focus on Lan's hands. There it was. A golden ring wrapped around his ring finger. It couldn't be. It had to be a coincidence. There was no way she…

"What is that?" Light, her voice sounded like someone strangled her!

"What do you mean?" Lan asked, exhausted, lowering his hands.

Instead of an answer, Moiraine grabbed his left hand to look at it closer. The ring looked just like hers, though it was a little thicker than hers. Was there something engraved on the inside as well?

Her throat felt dry, so she swallowed. She had to know. "What is this?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier sighed, then sat beside her on the bed. "Moiraine…."

"What is this, Lan?"

Another moment of silence, then he answered quietly, "My wedding ring."

Moiraine had expected the answer, yet she winced. Her hands let go of Lan, scared about the answer to her following question. "But if Nynaeve died during the Trolloc attack, she couldn't become your wife. Then who…?"

Their eyes met. The sadness in Lan's eyes almost broke her heart. He begged her for forgiveness, knowing very well what his answer would do to her. Subconsciously, Moiraine's fingers started to play with her wedding ring again.

"Maybe we should talk about it when you feel better," her Warder suggested.

The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.

Her words were engraved on the inside of her ring. Her words. Nynaeve was dead in this world. No other woman had ever found a way into the Malkieri's heart. So, when Nynaeve wasn't there to take her place as Lan's wife, he would… Anxiously, the Cairhien woman licked her lips. Was it possible? Would she choose a marriage if her mission would have turned south? A marriage with… Lan?

"We… we're married?"

"We don't have to talk about it now." Her Warder… no. Her husband! Her husband tried to calm the situation.

"I don't understand." Moiraine was still playing with the ring on her finger and couldn't turn her eyes away. "I belong to the Blue Ajah. We rarely marry our Warders, unlike the Greens. Light! We never… you were never… I mean… I never felt a longing for more through the bond."

When the Cairhien woman lifted her head again, she saw the pain in the Malkieri's eyes. Her words hurt him. Who knew for how long his Moiraine and he had been married? Maybe they were happily married. Maybe in this world, they developed romantic feelings for each other.

Moiraine blushed when she imagined herself bedding Lan. She had seen the man in his naked form countless times, but they never….

"How about we focus on you getting better?" Quickly, the man from the Borderlands stood up, bringing the tray with the soup. "You need to eat to regain your strength. Momentarily, there is no Aes Sedai in Fal Dara except for you, so we have to wait until Egwene returns from her trip."

Egwene. In her world, the girl went to the White Tower to become a Novice. The Cairhien woman had shown her how to heal after the battle of Falme, though they hadn't been able to use it because of the Whitecloaks running around. How much had the woman from the Two Rivers learned in that world?

"She can heal?" Moiraine was annoyed that she had to question everything.

Lan chuckled. "We should hope she is ready, or else her trip will end shortly." When he saw the confusion on Moiraine's face, his laughter died. "She left Fal Dara to travel the Borderlands because she wants to help the people with her skills." That definitely sounded like Egwene. "I think she will leave us once she learns everything she needs to know and returns to the Two Rivers to become their Wisdom."

Nynaeve had asked Egwene to become her apprentice when they had been still in the Two Rivers. It made sense that Egwene wanted to take Nynaeve's place now that the Wisdom was dead.

Suddenly, Moiraine noticed Lan holding the bowl under her nose. Steam was rising from the soup, and it smelled delicious.

"You need your strength."

Another scene appeared before the Aes Sedai's eyes. It had happened after the Trolloc attack at Bel Tine. Though she had been injured, she had returned the horses' strengths, and Trolloc poison had rushed through her veins.

They need their strength.

So do you.

Back then, Lan had also ensured she ate and drank something. And the man hadn't been amused about her using the One Power in her weak condition. After her nightly lesson with Egwene, the Malkieri had threatened to wrap her into her blanket so she would be unable to move her arms and legs.

*Almost a year ago*

Moiraine watched Egwene return to her friends. The young woman was a quick student and a strong channeler. The woman of the Blue Ajah had no doubt Egwene would become an Aes Sedai one day. Egwene had great potential.

A shiver moved over Moiraine's back, reminding her that her body was still fighting against the poison that continued to move through her veins. Blood and ashes! She shouldn't feel cold! She had learned decades ago how to ignore cold or heat. It wasn't a good sign that she lost control now.

"You can come out now."

There was no sound while she waited for Lan to step out of the shadows. The uncrowned king of Malkier had watched her training for quite a while. Moiraine had felt his worries through the bond and had wondered if he would intervene at some point. Surprisingly, he had sat tight, though he hadn't held back in hiding his displeasure about Moiraine's doings.

"Are you done now?"

The big man stopped beside her. His eyes were on Egwene's back, watching her leave. There was no doubt. He was absolutely not amused about the training session.

"Egwene has potential and is a quick learner."

"And you have to use the One Power to teach her?"

Moiraine decided to ignore his question. She could've told the young woman about Saidar and how to use it, but it was way more effective when a future Novice saw the weaves she was talking about. "I can't believe no Aes Sedai noticed there are potential Novices in that village. The power is strong in Egwene, and I'm assuming the Wisdom could use the One Power, too, without knowing about it, just like the Wisdom before her. I wonder, how many women died in the Two Rivers because no one noticed they were Wilders? The White Tower should expand its searches for possible channelers. Our numbers look worse with every passing year. We can't afford losing channelers like Egwene because we don't include the little villages."

Suddenly, the Malkieri stepped before the Cairhien woman, then went down on one knee. It was enough to pull the woman's attention on him. His eyes moved worryingly over her face before he cupped her cheek with one hand. "You look pale."

The woman of the Blue Ajah snorted. "It's dark, Lan. Not even you can see that good in the dark."

"It's bright enough to see you're not doing well, Moiraine." His eyes flickered to her injured shoulder. "May I?"

"There is nothing you can do." Lan stayed silent, waiting for her to give permission. "I took care of it today." Silence was the only response, yet the Warder raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. He obviously wondered when exactly she took care of her injury. "I did." The man still didn't move. Light, he wouldn't give up until she permitted him to look at the injury himself! "You're insufferable."

"I'm simply trying to keep you alive."

"The herbs don't work. Only an Aes Sedai can heal someone with Trolloc poison in their veins."

"Doesn't mean we should help the poison to spread. Cleaning the wound is important. The herbs can't heal you but slow down the poison. And they help with the pain you desperately try to hide from me."

Angrily, Moiraine gnashed her teeth. Was there anything the bloody man didn't notice? "I can handle the pain." And because she wanted to prove to him she could handle it, she tried to stand up.

It was a stupid idea as she realized how the ground started to sway. The poison worked against her, making her feel lightheaded. Additionally, the pain returned with full force, making her want to vomit.

"Easy." Lan was there, catching her before she could fall. "Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth."

Moiraine obeyed, though she closed her eyes to keep the world from spinning. When she was able to swallow without feeling the urge to empty her stomach, she looked at Lan again. "I'll be alright."

"May I now take a look?"

Shivering, the Aes Sedai nodded. Blood and ashes! The Trolloc poison worked fast. They needed to reach Whitebridge quickly. She wouldn't survive long if they didn't find another Aes Sedai soon.

Carefully, her Warder pulled back her cloak and tunic. The small fabric that covered the injury was completely drenched. Cursing, the Malkieri pulled the fabric off. "We need to clean it."

"I have clean pieces of fabric in my bag. I just-"

The woman of the Blue Ajah stopped when she saw her Warder working on his belt. The smart man from the Borderlands had hidden some fabric behind the big belt. It was then that she noticed the water bag tied to his belt and the small bowl on the ground. Once, they met a Wisdom who advised Lan to carry clean fabrics behind his belt and always some water to quickly clean a wound. Apparently, he still did that – or maybe he knew how terribly his Aes Sedai took care of her injuries.

After seeing the injury, Lan didn't ask for permission to treat it. He simply jumped into action, and Moiraine did her best not to pass out. At some point, the wound started to burn when Lan put some ointment on it, but it got better once the herbs began to work.

"All done."

Surprised, Moiraine opened her eyes. Lan pushed a wet strand out of her face. She hadn't noticed he had stopped working on her.

"Thank you." Her voice was quiet and sounded tired. Maybe she should rest a little before they continued to run.

"You need to rest." Before Moiraine could argue, Lan had pulled her into his arms, carrying her toward the camp. "No more channeling tonight or running around to clear your head. And if you try something, I will wrap you in your blanket until you're unable to move. One day, you'll collapse if you don't start looking out for yourself, foolish woman."

Smiling, the Aes Sedai wrapped her healthy arm around her Warder's neck. Sometimes, his overprotective behavior amused her. "Whatever you say."

She felt Lan's surprise through the bond, and her smile grew. He hadn't expected that reaction.

"I mean it, Moiraine." His voice was softer now. The anger had faded. "You can't go on like this."

"Hmm," she hummed in agreement.

Her eyes felt heavy, and sleep lured her into the darkness. Lan's herbs didn't just suppress the pain in her shoulder, they also made her sleepy. Resting sounded like a good idea.

"Good night, Moiraine."

Lan's love rolled through the bond, wrapping around her like a blanket and pulling her deeper into the darkness. She couldn't say if she managed to respond before she finally gave in to sleep.

The Aes Sedai wished she could return to that moment. Her mind hadn't traveled to another world when the Trolloc poison tried to kill her. Blood and ashes! She had to find a way out of that nightmare!

"I'm not-" The First Oath cut her off, and she had to swallow to find her voice again. "I can't eat."

But the Warder was stubborn. "Your body works hard to heal your injury and needs all the help it can get, which includes eating to regain your strength."

You fell off your horse and hit your head badly.

Automatically, Moiraine's hand moved to the back of her head. She couldn't suppress to wince slightly when her fingers moved over the injury. According to everyone, she had fallen off her horse. Was the Moiraine in that world such a terrible rider that she had fallen during a ride?

"This isn't real."

A sad look appeared in Lan's eyes. "Moiraine…."

"I have never fallen off a horse in my entire life. I'm an excellent rider."

"You are an excellent rider," Lan agreed. "Yet, this can happen to anyone. It was an accident, which probably wouldn't have happened if you had Aldieb with you. But this young mare wasn't trained like Aldieb and got scared."

Moiraine shook her head, regretting it immediately. Light! When would she learn not to do that?! "Why should I ride on another horse? I'll always ride on Aldieb. Even that detail of the story makes no sense."

Again, the Malkieri sighed heavily. Obviously, the Cairhien woman tested his patience. "That new mare doesn't let anyone else close, so you agreed to take her for a ride."

Well, that explanation actually made sense. But Moiraine wouldn't give up that easily. Lanfear had poisoned her and sent her mind to that world where everything seemed wrong.

"Even if that mare got scared, I know how to stay in the saddle when something like that happens. The only time I was thrown off was when that Myrddraal appeared, and Aldieb had to react or otherwise she would've gotten killed."

The uncrowned king of Malkier furrowed his forehead, then lowered the bowl. "Myrddraal? What Myrddraal?"

"After I ran from Tifan's…." Moiraine saw the confusion in Lan's eyes and stopped. In that world, they never went to Tifan's Well because she never brought the Dragon Reborn to the Eye of the World. She never got shielded by Ishamael. Exhausted, she shook her head. When would it be over? "Never mind. It didn't happen here. This isn't real."

She didn't need to be bonded to Lan to know he didn't like her words. He grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly. "Does this not feel real?"

"Lan-"

"Or this?" The Warder placed the Aes Sedai's hand on his chest over his beating heart. He wouldn't give up easily to convince her. "Can you feel my heart beating?"

"Lanfear created all that to torture me. I don't know how, but I'll find a way out of here."

The uncrowned king of Malkier looked like he was counting to ten before he opened his mouth again. "The Forsaken got trapped three thousand years ago. No living being ever saw them. And I can't say I'm sad about it."

"They didn't break free in this world because Rand never went to the Eye of the World to free Ishamael. But in my world-"

"Ishamael? The father of lies?" Lan sounded not convinced. "How many more? Who else got freed?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe the Dark One himself got freed from his prison." Now, she heard the sarcastic sound in Lan's voice. He didn't believe one word she was saying.

"This isn't funny. They-"

But the Malkieri shook his head. "You hit your head pretty badly when you fell off that horse, and now, you believe you come from a different world. Once you feel better, your memories will return."

"I never fell off a horse!"

"Think about it, Moiraine. You say you never fell off a horse. And then you add that Aldieb threw you off once. Don't you think the First Oath would stop you from saying you never fell if you had actually run into a Myrddraal?"

Shocked, the woman of the Blue Ajah stared at the Warder. The First Oath. She had sworn to speak no word that was not true. Yet, she never felt the First Oath wrapping around her throat. Nothing had stopped her from speaking. How was that possible?

Lan took her hand and rubbed his thumb softly over the back of her hand. "Don't you think it makes more sense that you dreamed about that Shadowspawn attack and simply forgot about your accident?"

Moiraine's mouth opened and closed, but no word crossed her lips. It couldn't be true. That world wasn't hers. Rand wasn't dead. She wasn't married to Lan. Right?

Chapter Text

Moiraine didn't know what to believe anymore. She had thought to know what right and wrong were. Despite the massive headache, she could tell the difference between reality and Lanfear's dream version. But now?

Lan's words had made her insecure. The First Oath should stop her from lying. The daughter of the night surely didn't lift the Three Oaths to create that world. So, how could she decide what was right and what was wrong?

After she had finished the soup and a slice of bread – the man from the Borderlands hadn't given up until she had tried to eat and had been very pleased when she emptied the entire bowl before his eyes – a maid had appeared, asking if she should help the Cairhien woman to clean herself before going to bed.

It was then that Moiraine remembered what marriage meant. She was married to Lan, so they shared a bed together – every night. How often had the other Moiraine and he bedded each other? Would he expect her to bed him?

But apparently, she had been worrying for nothing. This version of Lan was as carrying as her own. Immediately, he had noticed her rising panic and had assured her he would sleep somewhere else for the night. According to him, Lord Agelmar needed him to look at some plans that would keep him awake for a while.

The Aes Sedai couldn't say how much of his words had been true or if he had just wanted to calm her. Nonetheless, she had been thankful for him not pushing her into a situation she couldn't handle at the moment.

Shortly after the maid had been sent away, Lan had excused himself for the night. Love had filled Moiraine's heart when he had asked if he could give her a kiss on the forehead. It had been such a sweet gesture. For a moment, she had been tempted to tell him he didn't have to sleep somewhere else. They had shared a bed countless times over the last twenty years, and nothing had happened.

But in the end, she had decided against it. First, she had to deal with her confused mind before she could handle Lan. Nonetheless, she had accepted the kiss on the forehead, which filled her with a warmth she had been missing since she had left bed that morning.

All of that had happened hours ago. Moiraine's thoughts hadn't stopped since then. A maid had brought her a fresh pot of tea, but other than that, she had been left alone. Yet, she was no closer to answering what was real or a lie.

"I'm a'Lan Mandragoran's wife." Nothing happened. "I don't belong to this world." Again, the First Oath didn't stop her. Light, why could she say both, though one was obviously a lie?! It made no sense to her!

Frustrated, the Cairhien woman snuggled deeper under the blanket. The head injury was still bothering her. She was tired and exhausted, and her head was spinning. That whole situation made no sense.

Luckily, sleep greeted her quickly, allowing her to escape into the darkness.

When Moiraine opened her eyes, she was relieved her head had stopped hurting. The pain had driven her crazy. Luckily, some sleep had helped to clear her mind.

Yawning, she stretched her aching body. It was never a good idea to fall asleep sitting in a chair. At least, she had been smart enough to close the book before she had given in to sleep. Otherwise, the pages would have stuck to her cheek now.

Blinking, the Aes Sedai read the title before her. The Karaethon cycle. How many times had she read it by now? Over and over again, each time hoping it would tell her something new.

A scream echoed through the air, and Moiraine winced. Someone was in pain, and the voice sounded familiar, though she couldn't remember hearing such a sound before.

Quickly, she jumped to her feet and started running through the corridors. Again, the scream appeared, and a shiver ran over Moiraine's back. What was going on? Did someone attack them? Shadowspawn? Whitecloaks? But the corridors were empty. Where was everyone?

Finally, she stepped outside and stopped dead in her tracks. The scene before her eyes made her shiver. Lan and the Emond's Fielder were tied to stakes. All of them were bleeding from countless cuts. The ground was covered in blood and looked like a butcher's yard. Moiraine's stomach was turning.

And then, Lan started to scream again. Never before had Moiraine heard him scream like that. The man from the Borderlands could endure a lot, and it felt unreal to hear him scream in pain.

Blood ran over his pants, and the Cairhien woman noticed a hole in his belly. Something invisible injured Lan!

Someone stepped out of the shadows. A man. He kept his back to Moiraine, focusing on the tied-up people. At first, the Aes Sedai didn't recognize him, and then she saw his red hair.

"Rand!"

How had she not seen it before? The Dragon Reborn had been the only one missing. Everyone else was tied to those stakes, but the redhead hadn't been there.

The young man from the Two Rivers moved a hand, and Lan's scream turned louder. More blood dripped on the ground. Finally, Moiraine understood why she didn't see a weapon. Rand used Saidin to hurt Lan!

"Rand!"

Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah embraced Saidar, then stepped closer. She had to stop the boy before Lan and the others died!

But Rand didn't turn around, nor did he stop at what he was doing. Did he even hear her? Well, Moiraine didn't have time to think about it too much. Time was of the essence. Siuan had shielded the boy twice in Cairhien. It couldn't be that hard to do it.

Her hands formed the necessary weave, then the Aes Sedai threw it at the Dragon Reborn. Sadly, her weave never reached the young man. A barrier blocked her weave, turning it into thin air.

Surprised, the Cairhien woman stepped closer. Was that the reason why Rand hadn't heard her? Did he shield himself and his prisoners?

Moiraine created a new weave to break the barrier, but it was useless. The new weave dissolved like her shield before. She would need a stronger attack.

"You didn't think it would be that easy, right?"

Lanfear stepped out of the shadows with a big smile on her face.

"Lanfear!"

Moiraine still embraced Saidar, but the Forsaken didn't look worried. Why wasn't she reaching for Saidar?

"I have to thank you, Moiraine." Lanfear wanted to thank her? That couldn't be good. What did the daughter of the night do? "Once you were out of the way, it was easy to turn Rand to the dark. The boy is in love with me, and I just needed one night to convince him." The Forsaken let her hand move over her breast down to her core, smiling wolfishly. "Or rather, my body convinced him. He is so good at what he is doing. Have you ever considered bedding him to tie him closer to the light?"

Angrily, the Aes Sedai created ice daggers out of water, but the Forsaken flicked once, and something hit Moiraine hard in the belly. Saidar slipped through her fingers before she could finish her weave. Gasping, she stumbled backward. Light, that hurt!

"But Rand was so lonely, so I allowed him to try turning his friends and your Warder to the dark. Who do you think will succumb to Rand's treatment first?"

Moiraine's eyes flicked to Mat just when the sheepherder freed his childhood friend. Once the ropes were gone, Mat kneeled at Rand's feet, kissing the back of his hand. The Cairhien woman didn't understand what he was saying but assumed the boy agreed to follow Rand's new way. Her lips turned into a grim line. Unlike the others, Mat had been drawn to the dark from the beginning.

"One down," Lanfear said, smiling. "Who will be next? One of the girls? Or your precious Warder?"

Furiously, the woman of the Blue Ajah grabbed the One Power and threw it at the barrier. She had to reach Rand to knock some sense into him!

Again, Lanfear flicked her fingers. A strong wind grabbed the Cairhien woman, lifted her off her feet, and knocked her against the wall. All air was pressed out of Moiraine's lungs, and for a moment, her vision blurred from the impact.

Then, the daughter of the night stepped before her, rubbing her nose over Moiraine's cheek. "You smell delicious," she said, humming contently. "Maybe I should try turning you to the dark. I can be very…" Lanfear's hands moved over Moiraine's body, touching her in places only Siuan had ever explored. "… convincing." The Aes Sedai shivered when the Forsaken's hot breath moved over her lips, then their lips touched.

Moiraine wanted to scream. Light, she wanted to slap Lanfear, followed by a hot bath to forget the unwanted touch! But she couldn't move. Lanfear's weaves kept her tied to the wall, damned to endure what the woman had planned for her.

So, instead, the Cairhien woman tried not to react at all. Hopefully, the daughter of the night would give up once… A muffled scream escaped Moiraine's lips when Lanfear parted her lips and pushed her tongue into her mouth. And as if that wasn't already enough, one of Lanfear's hands found its way between Moiraine's legs. What was happening?!

Another scream cut through the silence. Lan! The Aes Sedai's eyes turned toward her Warder. Apparently, the Dragon Reborn had focused on the Malkieri again. Cursing, Moiraine fought against her restraints. She had to help her Warder!

"I guess Rand chose your Warder to be turned next. Will he give up, or will he die from Rand's treatment?"

Moiraine knew she should be happy that Lanfear had stopped working on her and had faced the prisoners, but her thoughts were with Lan and his fight against Rand's torture. How much longer would he be able to resist? How much more pain could he endure?

"Let them go, Lanfear."

"Rand is lonely. I can't take them from him."

"You want revenge? Fine, here I am. Let Lan and the others go. You have me. Do whatever you want to do, but let them leave."

Smiling, the daughter of the night stepped before the Cairhien woman, kissing her again. "Don't worry, little Aes Sedai. I will play with you when the time is ready. For now…" Lanfear stepped closer to the barrier. "… I will help the Dragon Reborn to turn his prisoners to the dark, and you will watch us – unable to use Saidar to save them."

"No. Lanfear, you're mad about me, not them. Leave them alone."

But the Forsaken winked contently. "Feel free to scream your lungs out. We won't be able to hear you on the other side of the shield. I'll return for you once we're done. Enjoy the view."

Moiraine opened her mouth to protest, but Lanfear was quicker. Without waiting for a response, the daughter of the night stepped through the barrier, leaving a cursing Aes Sedai behind.

Screaming, the woman of the Blue Ajah ripped at her restraints, but it was useless. Lanfear was stronger than her. The weaves stayed while she was damned to listen to Lan's painful screams.

"Moiraine."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai stopped struggling. Who was calling her? There was no one there. Only Lanfear, Rand, Lan, and the other Emond's Fielder.

"Moiraine!"

The louder that other voice became, the quieter Lan's screams turned. It was like all sounds suddenly seemed quieter to Moiraine's ears. Was that another trick from Lanfear?

When Moiraine noticed the scene before her turned darker, she embraced Saidar. She had to break free. She had to save Lan and the others!

"Moiraine, wake up!"

The darkness swallowed her, and Moiraine fell.

"Moiraine, wake up!"

Someone shook her gently like he was scared to hurt her. Gasping, the Cairhien woman opened her eyes. Lan was there, leaning over her. He had grabbed her arms and sighed, relieved when she looked at him.

"There you are."

But Moiraine still had Lan's screams in her ears and saw the blood flowing down his body. Lanfear had tortured the Malkieri! Quickly, the Aes Sedai threw her Warder on his back, ignoring the pain exploding in her head and examining his body for injuries. Who healed him? Who took care of his injuries?

"Moiraine, stop. What are you looking for?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier placed his hands over hers. Moiraine tried to free herself when she noticed a golden shimmer. It came from a ring on Lan's hand. A golden ring with no symbols on it. His wedding ring.

"No."

"Please. Tell me what you're looking for so I can help you."

It wasn't over. She was back in that strange world where nothing was right. Why was she back?

"I'm back." Her voice was barely audible.

"You had a nightmare, my love. It's over now."

Trembling, the Cairhien woman crawled backward. Away from the Malkieri. Away from her so-called husband. Why was she there again?

"Why am I here? I was back home."

"This is your home, Moiraine." Lan sounded sad.

But Moiraine shook her head in denial. "No. This isn't real. Lanfear created this to keep me occupied so she can manipulate the Dragon during my absence." Her eyes fell on the door. "I have to leave. I have to return to my world."

The Cairhien woman crawled out of bed before the Malkieri could stop her. Sadly, that body was still not healed. Her feet barely carried her when they touched the floor, and the pain in her head made her lightheaded. The room moved slightly, but Moiraine couldn't wait for it to stop.

Swaying, she made her way toward the door. There had to be a way out of that nightmare. Maybe if she walked through that door, she would wake up in her world – in her own body. She couldn't stay there!

Moiraine cursed when she stumbled over books, clothes, pillows, and countless other stuff. Why was that room such a mess? Who did that?

"Moiraine, stop." Lan appeared by her side, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her and grabbing one of her arms. "You're in no condition to leave bed, let alone to walk around in nothing but your nightgown."

"Let go of me. I need to return."

"You're home. You don't have to go anywhere."

"This isn't real!"

"You had an accident and nightmare. You need to rest." Gently, the Warder tried to pull his Aes Sedai back toward the bed, but Moiraine fought against him with all the strength left in her body.

"You don't understand! She tortures them!"

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. "Torture? Who tortures who?"

"Lanfear! She tortures you – my Lan – and Nynaeve and Egwene and the others! I need to help them!"

Lan shook his head. "Oh, Moiraine. Maybe I should send a letter to the White Tower. It's probably better if an Aes Sedai checks on you. Somehow, we have to restore your memory."

He wouldn't let her leave. If that version of Lan behaved like her Warder, then he wouldn't let her out of his sight. Worse even, he would put guards before the door to keep her from wandering around alone.

Angrily, Moiraine embraced the One Power. If she couldn't convince Lan, she would have to use Saidar to get rid of him. Her Lan was in danger, and the Dragon Reborn had turned to the dark because of Lanfear's influence. What else would the daughter of the night do to her world while she was gone?

"Stop."

Lan grabbed her hands, breaking her concentration. Shocked, Moiraine looked at him with big eyes. How had he noticed she had tried to channel? This wasn't real, so he wasn't bonded to her. Only the real Lan could feel when she tried to channel.

"You already turned this room upside down during your nightmare. Besides, Saidar won't help you. You're confused due to your injury, but we will fix this."

"No."

Luckily, the man from the Borderlands had loosened his hold on her for a moment, and the Cairhien woman used the opportunity to break free. Since she knew she was too weak to push him away, she did the only thing she was able to do, using her knee.

Lan groaned in pain when her knee hit the sensitive spot between his legs, then sank to his knees. That should stop him long enough for her to escape.

"I'm sorry." He wasn't her Lan, yet it hurt her to see him in pain, especially since she had caused it. "You'll thank me when you have your Moiraine back. But I'm not her."

"Moiraine, don't." His voice wasn't louder than a whisper.

Quickly, the Aes Sedai turned around and rushed to the door. Her head was pounding painfully, and her feet dared to give way any second. Yet, she moved onward. She just had to reach that door. Maybe that was the answer to that nightmare. One door, and she would be back…

But when Moiraine opened the wooden object, she could see a corridor. It wasn't the right door. Apparently, Lanfear didn't play easy. The way out of that world was somewhere else.

Sadly, the corridor wasn't the only thing waiting behind the door. Two guards secured the room and turned their heads toward Moiraine when the door opened in their backs.

"My Lady?"

"Are you alright?"

Blood and ashes! Obviously, Lan had been careful, not trusting her not to leave the room without him. How should she escape when they guarded the door?

Lan's painful groan gave Moiraine an idea. She took a step back, then pointed at the Malkieri on the floor. "He needs help. He isn't feeling well." As hoped, the guards stormed inside to help the hurt Malkieri.

The Blue Ajah woman didn't wait for her plan to succeed. The door was unguarded, so she ran.

"Moiraine!"

"My Lady!"

She ignored Lan's plea and the guards. A door. All she needed was the right door to escape. But which one was it? She didn't have time to use every door that… Four strong hands grabbed her arms, ending her escape shortly after it had begun.

"No!"

"My Lady, you're in no condition to walk around without company."

"Let go of me!"

"Our Lord and the Healer ordered us not to let you leave until they think you're better."

"Let go! I don't belong here!" Screaming, Moiraine fought against the guard's hold, but they acted like they didn't notice her resistance. Calmly, they carried her back to the room like she didn't weigh more than a child.

"Help! Somebody, help me!" Where was everyone? Where was that maid from earlier? Why was no one coming to help her?

"My Lady, please stop. You'll wake everyone."

Wake everyone? Moiraine's eyes moved to the windows. Surprised, she realized it was still dark outside. How long did she sleep?

"Put her on the bed."

Lan was back on his feet, though he still wore a grimace. He stepped out of the way, giving the guards room to carry her to the big bed.

"No!"

Moiraine tried to kick the two guards, but they simply lifted her up in the air so she couldn't hurt them. At least, the one who grabbed her legs seemed embarrassed since he had to touch her bare legs.

"Be careful with her head. She is still injured."

"When will the Healer arrive, my Lord? She won't stay in bed if we don't hold her down."

"I'll take care of her." Although the man from the Borderlands still had to be in pain from the previous attack, he crawled into bed and placed his large body beside the Cairhien woman. "Let go of her."

"Are you sure? She is extremely… brisk."

"Leave her to me."

The two guards hesitated to release Moiraine, but the look in Lan's eyes must have convinced them ultimately. Of course, Moiraine tried to channel the second she was released, but Lan was still faster. His arms were wrapped around her before Saidar even had the chance to fill her veins.

"Let go!" He was too close. Why couldn't he understand that she wasn't his Moiraine?

Since she couldn't use her arms to free herself, the Cairhien woman only had her feet to use. Sadly, the Malkieri seemed to know what she wanted to do before she had a chance to actually use them. His legs intertwined with hers, so she couldn't move them.

"Stop, please." Lan's hot breath tickled her ear and made her shiver.

Blood and ashes! What should she do now?

Chapter Text

Moiraine didn't know for how long she tried to free herself from Lan. At some point, the uncrowned king of Malkier had given up trying to calm her. Instead, it seemed like he had accepted his fate. Calmly and silent, he lay behind her with his arms and legs wrapped around her, enduring every curse and insult she threw at him.

The guards had been relieved when Lan told them to wait outside. Moiraine's outburst made them feel uncomfortable.

Her pounding head punished her for every movement, but Moiraine couldn't just lay there. The real Lan was in danger, and she had to save him.

When the door of their room finally opened again, the Aes Sedai's heart filled itself with hope. Maybe that person could help her-

All hope died when Moiraine recognized the Healer. Was there no one in that house who could help her?

Bianca raised her eyebrows when she saw the mess. "I can't remember leaving the room like this. Did you think about redecoration, or is this a marriage thing?"

"Moiraine had a nightmare and used Saidar subconsciously."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai stopped fighting against her Warder. She had used Saidar? Yes, she had tried to attack that barrier with the One Power to reach Rand, but why had it affected that room?

"I did that?"

Sighing, Lan pressed his nose into Moiraine's dark locks. "That's why I tried to wake you. I was scared you could hurt yourself by one of the flying objects."

"Apparently, using Saidar isn't the only thing she did, as I was told." Bianca stepped beside the bed, checking Moiraine's eyes. "You tried to run, my Lady?"

"I don't belong here."

The Healer and the Malkieri exchanged a glance. "She still believes this isn't real?"

Lan didn't say anything, but Moiraine felt him nodding behind her. Growling, she tried to free herself again while saying, "This may be not real, but I can hear you."

"I assume you tried to talk some sense into her?"

"She doesn't listen. I can't convince her, and she is desperate to find a way out of that… illusion."

"The sooner you allow me to leave, the sooner you get your Moiraine back," Moiraine snapped. She knew Lan didn't believe her, but why did he have to keep her from leaving? She had all those memories that didn't match his, so why didn't he even consider helping her?

And Bianca also didn't look amused about Moiraine's outburst. She shook her head. "I know you didn't want it, my Lord, but I'm afraid you need to think about that tea I talked about."

Immediately, the Cairhien woman was on high alert. What had those two talked about without her knowing? "Tea? What kind of tea?"

"Is there truly no other way?" The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't sound happy.

"Not if you want her to get better. Without the tea, she will run around while searching for a way to escape and probably hurt herself in the process. She needs to rest if we want her to get better."

The more the Healer talked, the more Moiraine was sure she wouldn't like the effect of that mysterious tea. "Whatever that tea does, I don't want it."

"Fine," Lan sighed heavily. "Give her the tea."

Bianca nodded. "I will need your help to keep her from fighting me, or I won't be able to get it down her throat."

"I said no!"

It was useless. Neither Lan nor Bianca were listening to what Moiraine was saying. While the woman of the Blue Ajah fought against her Warder's embrace, the Healer prepared the bloody tea.

Once it was done, Bianca returned to the bed with a steamy cup in her hand. Moiraine started to panic. She didn't want to drink that! Her Lan had never forced her to swallow something she didn't want to drink. How could she stop them?

Determined, the Aes Sedai pressed her lips together. She swore herself not to let a single drop come over her lips. Lan and Bianca would have to fight against her if they wanted her to drink the liquid.

"Open your mouth, my Lady."

Moiraine shot daggers at the other woman. Usually, people were scared to anger an Aes Sedai, but Healers seemed different. Probably because they were used to fighting with their patients.

"This will be much easier for both of us if you work with me, my Lady. I'm not here to hurt you. I try to help you."

The lips stayed close. Reasoning with her wouldn't help, and apparently, Bianca realized that, too. So, instead of reasoning with her, the Healer went into action. But Moiraine moved her head from side to side, though the pain was almost unbearable, making it impossible for Bianca to pour the hot liquid into her mouth.

Growling, the other woman addressed the uncrowned king of Malkier. "My Lord? Is there a chance you could help stop her from moving?"

"I'm already trying to keep her from channeling."

"Do you want me to get one of the guards?"

"No," Lan growled. "I'll try."

Shocked, Moiraine realized that Lan put both her hands in one of his, then used his free hand to grab her chin. No matter how hard she tried, Moiraine couldn't free herself.

"No! Please!"

"It's for your own good, my Lady."

"No! Lan, stop!"

"I'm sorry, my love, but it's necessary."

Bianca placed the cup against Moiraine's lips, but they were already pressed together again. She wouldn't drink that.

The Healer cursed, then faced Lan. "Will you fight me too when I try something?"

"Depends on how bad it will be."

"Just a little trick to make her open her mouth."

Moiraine prayed Lan would say no but then felt him nodding behind her, and her heart sank. He should be on her side. Usually, they were a team against everyone else.

Bianca pressed the Cairhien woman's nose together so she couldn't breathe. Panicking, Moiraine fought against Lan's hold. If she couldn't free her hands in time, she would have to open her mouth to breathe again.

"Please, Moiraine. Just open your mouth."

A tear escaped Moiraine's eye, then she had to give up. Gasping, she inhaled quickly so she could close her mouth again, but it was useless. Before she even got the chance to do it, Bianca pressed the cup against her lips. The warm liquid entered her mouth, and since the Healer still held on to the Aes Sedai's nose, Moiraine had to swallow if she wanted to breathe again.

"Almost done, my Lady." Bianca's voice sounded softly now that she had reached her goal. As soon as the cup was empty, the other woman released Moiraine and turned back to the table.

Trembling, the Aes Sedai licked her lips. The herbs tasted bitter. "What will that tea do to me?"

"It helps you to rest, my Lady."

"I'm sorry," Lan whispered, holding her close to him while he buried his nose in her hair again. "I'm so sorry. I hoped we wouldn't have to use it, but you have to get better, my love."

Moiraine's body felt heavy, and her tongue was swollen. Obviously, the herbs worked fast. It felt almost impossible to turn her head toward Lan. "Need to go home." She couldn't raise her voice. Did Lan even understand what she was saying?

"You focus on resting. Bianca and I will figure out how to restore your memories."

"Lanfear." She couldn't let the daughter of the night win. This world was meant to be a trap for the Cairhien woman, but she would find her way out of it.

"Rest, my love." Were those Lan's lips on hers, or was she imagining things? The darkness made it hard for her to think clearly, luring her into sleep. "Rest."

When Moiraine opened her eyes the next time, Lan was sitting beside her bed again. The small table was crowded with books, letters, and maps, and he leaned over it. Lan had developed a new solution for how to keep the Cairhien woman in bed. According to him, he would ensure there would always be someone with her from now on to keep her from hurting herself. Her last escape attempt shocked him pretty well.

Moiraine realized she needed a new strategy as well. Her body was too weak to deal with the overprotective Warder and whoever else he ordered to watch over her. So, she gave up for the moment and decided to play along. Lan would stop being on high alert at some point, and then she could slip away.

Sadly, the woman of the Blue Ajah had underestimated the man's persistence. The next few days, she did nothing more than regaining her strength while being in bed. Lan didn't allow her to go for a walk or to stand up, except for when she had to relieve herself, and even then, two maids were assigned to help her.

At least the Healer didn't give her more tea to sleep. Everyone thought she was slowly improving since she stopped yelling and fighting. Moiraine didn't tell them she was plotting while staying in bed. The book Lan had brought her was only there, so she looked calm and busy to others' eyes while her thoughts were racing. She didn't read a single word of the book.

On the fourth day, Lan was willing to let her try leaving bed for the first time. Bianca had calmed him that Moiraine's condition hadn't gotten worse. So, he finally agreed when the Cairhien woman asked the Malkieri to have breakfast in the dining room instead of her room.

Once a maid helped her get dressed, the uncrowned king of Malkier helped her to their dining room. The table was already filled with countless plates and food, and Moiraine wondered who was supposed to eat all that.

Luckily, Lan had a meeting to attend, so he left her to herself, only ordering the guards to keep her company. The two men didn't leave their place at the door, not even when Moiraine offered them to eat something.

All that food made her stomach twist painfully. In the end, she chose to eat some bread and cheese and finished with fruits. Her thoughts were already running while she ate. Lanfear still kept invading her dreams. Every night, she showed the woman of the Blue Ajah how she tortured those Moiraine cared for. And every time, Lan was the one receiving most of her unwanted attention. No matter what Moiraine did – no fighting, no begging – Lanfear never stopped or left him alone. How long would Lan survive? As a Warder, he could endure more pain than a usual man, but even Warders had a breaking point, and Moiraine didn't want to find out when the Malkieri reached his. Light, she had to return home!

That thought brought her to the next problem. She hadn't seen anything that screamed it would get her out of that nightmare for now. Nothing seemed off or different, as if it didn't belong there. At the moment, she was the only thing that didn't belong in that place.

What if I have to travel to Falme? What if Lanfear ensured my way out of here is as far away as possible?

Grimacing, she bit into the apple. The Lan of that world would never allow her to travel to Falme. He was way too worried about her and probably remembered that she had mentioned Falme after waking up.

Think about it, Moiraine. You say you never fell off a horse. And then you add that Aldieb threw you off once. Don't you think the First Oath would stop you from saying you never fell if you had actually run into a Myrddraal?

Involuntarily, Lan's words came to her mind. For days, she tried not to think about them too often, but they kept appearing, poisoning her mind with doubts about her mental condition.

No matter how certain she was that her current situation was a simple trick from Lanfear, Lan's words made her question if he could be right. The First Oath should stop her from lying. So, how could she say she never fell off a horse, though she remembered doing so only a few months ago outside Tifan's Well?

"I never fell off a horse in my entire life." No hesitation or tight feeling in her throat. "I fell off Aldieb's back outside of Tifan's Well." Cursing, Moiraine took another bite. That was ridiculous! It was impossible that both things were true.

Suddenly, she froze. What if something else was wrong? What if the Three Oaths didn't work in that world? Could she lie now?

Her eyes moved to the red apple in her hand. Could she say that it was blue? "The apple in my hand is bl-"Immediately, the First Oath wrapped itself tightly around Moiraine's throat, making her cough.

"Are you alright, my Lady?" The guards had stepped closer when she started to cough. "Shall we call the Healer?"

Quickly, Moiraine shook her head, cursing herself for not being more careful. "That won't be necessary. Thank you."

The men didn't look convinced. Blood and ashes! What did Lan tell them? She didn't want to see Bianca. The woman was as worried as Lan about Moiraine's memory loss. Light, she was so tired of pretending!

At that moment, the doors opened, and Lan entered. Involuntarily, Moiraine sighed in relief since it pulled the guards' attention away from her. The two guards bowed. "My Lord."

"Did something happen?"

Of course, the insufferable man noticed immediately the guards had left their places at the door. Was there anything he didn't see?

"We thought about calling the Healer, my Lord."

"Why?" Alarmed, Lan's eyes moved over Moiraine, who rolled her eyes in annoyance. No doubt, he searched for injuries that weren't there. "Are you not feeling well? Do you need Bianca?"

"No," the Aes Sedai growled, glaring at him. "I coughed once, and now your men think I should see the Healer. Maybe someone overreacted in his care and projected it on his men?"

Surprisingly, her answer calmed the Malkieri. Smiling, he gave the guards a sign with his head to leave. "I'll take it from here. Thank you for watching her."

Again, the guards bowed, then left. Moiraine took another bite of her apple while she watched Lan approaching her. He looked exhausted.

"You look tired."

Sighing heavily, the uncrowned king of Malkier took the seat beside the Cairhien woman. "It was a long meeting." Then his eyes met hers. "And I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Quickly, the Aes Sedai lowered her gaze. She didn't like how the Warder looked at her. Her gaze fell on the golden rings on her fingers. Precisely on her wedding ring, and she had to swallow. Her husband. Lan was her husband. A fact that also wasn't stopped by the First Oath when she said it out loud. Light, that world made no sense to her! What had Lanfear done to her?!

Suddenly, Lan's hand grabbed hers, covering the rings under his big palm. Surprised, Moiraine lifted her head. His eyes shone with worry. "Are you sure I shouldn't call Bianca?"

"Bianca can't help me," the woman of the Blue Ajah responded. She didn't know who could help her if she was honest with herself. "Besides, I'm eating and drinking. I rested the last few days, my body is healing, and I'm gaining strength. Doesn't sound like I'm in need of a Healer."

Lan didn't look convinced. "And what about your memories? Do you still think this is not real?"

Moiraine wished she could say no, but she didn't need to try to know the First Oath would stop her. "Bianca said it is common to lose memory after a head injury."

"Yes, but usually, those people miss months or even years of their life. You, on the other hand, remember a completely different life." Had she really expected she could fool him? Sighing, he shook his head and let go of her hand. "And since you don't answer my question with a clear answer, I take it you still believe this is a dream."

The Aes Sedai's heart ached when she saw how hurt the Warder was by her reaction. He wasn't her Lan, yet she couldn't stop hating herself for causing him such pain. He didn't deserve that.

"Lan, I-"

Before the Cairhien woman could finish her sentence, the doors opened loudly, and a short woman entered without waiting for an invitation. "I came as quickly as possible, and I'm starving. Now, what is the rush?"

Speechless, Moiraine stared at her friend, Alanna Mosvani, who placed herself in a chair and grabbed an apple. She hadn't expected that.

Chapter Text

"Alanna." Lan jumped out of his chair. "That was fast. I didn't expect you for another couple of days."

"Well, your letter sounded urgent." The woman of the Green Ajah turned to Moiraine. "You fell off a horse?"

"I did not fall off a horse," Moiraine snapped.

Alanna furrowed her forehead in confusion, and Lan glared at the Cairhien woman. Cursing inwardly, Moiraine reminded herself she had to play along if she wanted Lan to stop being overprotective. Yet, she couldn't keep her annoyance out of her voice. "I don't remember falling off a horse."

Alanna simply looked at her sister for a moment, then turned to Lan. "What?"

"It's complicated."

"Explain."

Sighing, Lan grabbed the backrest of the chair before him. "A week ago, Moiraine went for a ride with a mare, who still needs to be trained properly. I don't know what happened exactly, but I found Moiraine lying unconscious on the ground when I started searching for her. She fell off the mare's back and hit her head badly. She wasn't responding for days, and when she woke, she…" The Malkieri looked at the Cairhien woman. He obviously tried to describe the situation without telling Moiraine how badly it hurt him. "The last couple of years are gone. She doesn't remember marrying me or that we moved to Fal Dara. She talks about people who died years ago and describes situations that never happened."

The frown on Alanna's forehead deepened with each word. She even stopped eating. Her eyes moved over Moiraine as if she would give a better answer.

Calmly, the Cairhien woman returned the look, though her thoughts ran again. Lan had written Alanna? Why not Siuan? Why did he not send a letter to the White Tower? Or did he do that too? Was Alanna simply faster than the White Tower? Well, if she had been in Arafel – meeting her family – it made sense that she would arrive first.

"So… Moiraine has some kind of memory loss?"

"She lost her memories and suddenly has new ones."

Alanna tilted her head aside. "Do you remember me, Moiraine?"

"As if anyone could forget you, Alanna."

"Who are my Warders?"

Dangerous. Alanna was a Green, and they loved having multiple Warders at once. In her world, Alanna had bonded two Warders. What if, in that world, she had more than two? Or what if it weren't the same two?

Moiraine smiled at her friend. "You don't expect me to remember the names of your-?"

"You know their names, Moiraine. Tell me."

Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah gritted her teeth. She didn't like that conversation. "Ihvon and Maksim."

For a heartbeat, nothing happened. Then the Green nodded before turning to Lan. "She forgot she married you?"

"She still doesn't believe it."

"And you want me to… heal her?"

"For once. She is still in pain because of the injury."

"And what else do you wish me to do?"

Lan's eyes flicked to Moiraine for a second, then he straightened. "I would like you to delve her."

Silence fell over the room while everyone processed the spoken words. Moiraine was the first to find her voice again. "You summoned Alanna so she would delve me?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier threw his hands in the air, frustrated. "At the moment, it's the best thing I can come up with. You're still not yourself, no matter how hard you try to pretend you're getting better. I simply hope that… that delving you will give us some answers to why your memories are so messed up."

"It's worth a try." Alanna placed the half-eaten apple on the plate before her and stood up. "I don't know if it will give you the answers you're looking for, but maybe we're lucky."

"Touch me, and I will send you wrapped like a gift back to your Warders."

Moiraine's words made Alanna stop dead in her tracks. Their eyes were locked, and the Blue could see how her sister was estimating how serious that threat was.

"Moiraine, please," Lan begged, approaching her from the other side. "We need to find out what's going on with you."

"I don't want to be delved."

"We're running out of options."

Sighing, Moiraine placed the half-eaten apple down, then stood up. "Well, then, I guess you have to continue searching because I don't want to be delved."

The uncrowned king of Malkier growled, then started walking up and down, murmuring something inaudible to himself.

"At least she is still as stubborn as before." Glaring, the Cairhien woman turned toward Alanna, who shrugged her shoulder. "What? It's true."

"Thank you for coming, Alanna, but your help won't be needed."

The Green Sister addressed the Malkieri. "Have you tried using your magical cock to bring back her memories?"

Coughing, Moiraine tried not to imagine Lan's cock. She was certain the other Moiraine and Lan had bedded each other multiple times in the past since they were married, but luckily, Lan hadn't suggested anything yet. She didn't know how she would react to his proposal.

"Alanna!"

"What?" The Green Sister acted like she couldn't understand why the Blue was so shocked.

"Bedding someone isn't always the answer!"

Alanna shrugged her shoulder again. "It works for me. I never had a situation or an argument that I couldn't solve by bedding the person."

"Leave."

"Don't leave." Lan entered their conversation again. "Please, don't leave. Give me some time to reason with Moiraine."

"I have nowhere to be momentarily. You two decide what you want to do next and then find me. In the meantime…" The Green Sister moved toward the doors but not without grabbing another apple. "…you should think about my suggestion. Sometimes, a sweaty exercise is all that's necessary to find each other again."

"Alanna! Get out!"

Smiling, the woman of the Green Ajah faced her Blue Sister. "Light, Moiraine. I thought you've stopped being so damn prudish. You're married to a Malkieri and have lived in the Borderlands for years. Shouldn't you have adapted their way of life by now?"

"Get out!"

Alanna waved one last time, then left the room. Moiraine's cheeks were burning. Have you tried using your magical cock to bring back her memories? Light! Sometimes, she wanted to strangle her friend. As if the situation wasn't already hard enough. Why did she have to make it even more difficult?

"Moiraine-"

"Don't."

Quickly, the Aes Sedai stepped backward. She didn't want Lan to believe she was actually thinking about him using…

"Moiraine." The Malkieri held up his hands in defense, and Moiraine could see the pain in his eyes. "You know very well I would never touch you without your permission."

Ashamed, the Cairhien woman lowered her head. Her cheeks were on fire. Of course, she knew Lan wouldn't do something like that. Light, she was acting stupid! Cursing inwardly, she forced herself to step before him and placed her hands on his chest. "Forgive me. I know you would never… it's… this situation… I don't…."

Lan relaxed, then asked softly, "Can I hug you, or will you pull away?"

Tears built up in Moiraine's eyes. Lan's kindness overwhelmed her. Why did she pull away from him? "A hug would be nice."

Smiling, the big man from the Borderlands wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close against his chest and burying his nose in her hair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my plan with Alanna."

"You wanted to help."

"And made it worse."

"No, you didn't. It's just… Alanna and her… ideas."

The uncrowned king of Malkier released her and pushed her at arm's length away from him. "I would never use your body or mine to convince you about something or to handle an argument. What Alanna described… that's not me. There have been countless situations in the past when we had different opinions, and we never bedded each other to change our minds."

Moiraine nodded. She believed him. Smiling, she cupped his face in her hands. "Thank you." Lan returned the smile, then took her hands and pressed a kiss on the inside of her hand. When his face turned sad, Moiraine worried. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath. "I really would like Alanna to delve you."

Sighing, the woman of the Blue Ajah freed her hands and turned away from him. She didn't want to discuss that topic any further. But the Malkieri pulled her back to him, keeping her from leaving.

"I know you don't like to be delved. You told me many times how uncomfortable it feels."

"And yet, you want me to let Alanna do it."

"Because I think it could help us understand what's going on with you."

Moiraine bit her lower lip. Could delving really help them? What would Alanna find? Were there two versions of Moiraine living in that body? Or would she realize that the Blue had lost her mind? What would happen if Alanna announced the latter? Would Lan leave her? Would he send her to a sanatorium, forgetting about her?

Images of the sanatorium of Cairhien appeared before the Aes Sedai's eyes. She had seen all those people who had been locked away because they weren't able to care for themselves any longer. Some of them even were a danger to themselves and needed to be watched. Could that happen to her, too?

"What is it?" Of course, Lan felt her worries through the bond. When she didn't answer, he rubbed over his face. "If you really don't want Alanna to delve you, I stop mentioning it. But can she at least heal you?"

Moiraine didn't doubt Lan meant what he said. The man wouldn't force her to accept Alanna's delving. She placed a hand on his chest. "I'll think about it."

The uncrowned king of Malkier nodded. "Is there anything I can do for you now?"

For a moment, the Cairhien woman was tempted to say he could help her go home but decided otherwise at the last second. "I'd like to go for a walk."

Lan looked like he wanted to tell her no, then asked softly, "Do you really think you're strong enough?"

"I wouldn't mind some company."

Immediately, Lan's face lit up. "Well… may I offer myself to keep you company, my Lady?"

Moiraine couldn't stop herself from chuckling. That man before her wasn't her Lan, but she enjoyed his presence and his humor nonetheless. And until she found a way out of that nightmare, she should stay on Lan's good side in case she needed his help later. "Are you certain you have time to spare, my Lord?"

Lan took her hand and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand. "Anything for you, my love."

A shiver ran over Moiraine's back, and she fought hard not to pull back her hand. Was it a bad idea to let Lan get that close? She didn't want him to believe she was falling for him. But it was already too late to turn back. She had offered him to join her. It wouldn't look good if she changed her mind now.

Together, the pair left the dining room. Moiraine's hand lay on Lan's arm, allowing the man to guide her out of the house and through the city.

The walk through the city was a nice distraction. Of course, she knew all those places Lan brought her to, but it felt different than all the other times she had seen them. For the first time in her life, she walked through a city, not rushing things – not having a clear destination in mind. She and Lan didn't have to search for the Dragon Reborn anymore. In that world, Rand was dead. In that world, they were allowed to live their life with comfortable walks through the streets.

Moiraine had to admit that she liked it. Of course, she still had in mind that she had to find a way back. But she had tried for days, searching for a solution, and nothing had come up. Taking a walk with Lan wouldn't delay her departure since she still didn't know how to escape.

Was that what her life could have been without finding Rand? If they didn't have that mission… would she have lived a quiet life? But why wasn't she living with Siuan? Why did she choose Lan instead of the woman of her heart? Or was it because Siuan…

Moiraine hadn't dared to ask the question out loud, afraid of the answer. She could deal with a lot of things – even being placed in that strange world – but hearing of Siuan's death? No, she couldn't deal with that message.

"Do you want us to turn around?"

Blinking, the Aes Sedai returned her attention to what lay before her. How long had she been lost in her thoughts again? It had to be a while, judging by the worried look on Lan's face.

"Forgive me. I got distracted. What did you say?"

Lan looked like he didn't believe her. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Lan. I enjoy our walk. Please, don't make me regret taking you with me."

"I just don't want you to push yourself when you're not well."

Moiraine smiled at him. "I promise to inform you should I realize I can't go any further."

Finally, the Malkieri nodded, and they continued their path.

"Dai Shan."

An older man with a Hadori around his forehead stepped before Moiraine and Lan, making them stop. The uncrowned king of Malkier smiled lovingly at the man and pulled him into a warm hug. "Genjad."

Awkwardly, Moiraine stood there, watching the two men hug each other. Should she step aside? Or should she excuse herself?

Before she could make a decision, the men separated, and the older man said, "We miss you at our dinners, Dai Shan."

"Forgive me. I was… busy lately."

Genjad's eyes fell on Moiraine, and he bowed politely. "Moiraine Sedai. Are you feeling better?"

Confused, the Cairhien woman furrowed her forehead. "Feeling better?"

"We heard about the accident. And since Dai Shan barely left the house anymore, we assumed you must have gotten injured badly."

"Oh." Moiraine didn't know what she was supposed to say. Seeking help, she turned toward Lan. How well did the other Moiraine know that man?

"Moiraine feels better now, but she is still not healed yet."

Genjad furrowed his forehead. "What about that Aes Sedai that arrived this morning? The whole city talks about her arrival."

"Things are a little bit more… complicated."

The older Malkieri seemed to understand that Lan couldn't talk about Moiraine's condition on the street. Smiling, he pointed at the street to their right. "Would you like some tea? You must be thirsty after your walk."

Uncertain, Lan glanced at Moiraine. "I don't know. Maybe we should-"

"Kera would be heartbroken if you don't visit." The older Malkieri knew exactly how to manipulate Lan. "She adores you and loves Moiraine Sedai's stories."

The Cairhien woman swallowed. Great. Who was that mysterious Kera? And what kind of stories did the other Moiraine tell her? Maybe she should excuse herself. Smiling, Moiraine placed a hand on Lan's arm. "I think I'll return to our house. I don't feel well enough to- "

"Nonsense." Genjad took Moiraine's other hand and placed it on his arm. "The way back to your house is way longer than coming to our place. You can rest there. Kera will love to take care of you."

Shocked, the Cairhien woman turned to Lan, glaring at him to intervene. But the Malkieri simply sighed and followed Genjad.

The older Malkieri hadn't lied. Five minutes later, he opened a door, leading Moiraine and Lan inside. "Diena! Kera! Prepare some tea! I brought visitors!"

A woman and a young girl appeared, and the girl squealed in delight when she recognized Moiraine and Lan. "Moiraine! Lan!"

The woman of the Blue Ajah froze when she saw the girl running at her. She would crash right into her! And she wouldn't be able to stop her!

Luckily, Lan saw the danger and grabbed the girl before anyone could get hurt. "Easy, little one."

Smiling, she hugged him, then grabbed his ears. "What took you so long? You haven't visited us for tea or lunch forever."

"We were busy, Kera."

"It never kept you from visiting us."

Laughing, the uncrowned king of Malkier put Kera back on her feet. "Sometimes, situations interact with our wishes."

Pouting, Kera crossed her arms before her chest. She wasn't convinced by his explanation. Then her eyes fell on Moiraine, and her face lit up immediately. Again, she tried to throw herself at the Aes Sedai, but the Warder was faster.

"Let go of me, Lan."

"No bear hugs today, Kera. Moiraine is still injured, so we need to take it slowly."

"Injured?" The woman had reached them. Moiraine assumed she was Diena. Worried, Diena's eyes moved between the Malkieri and the Cairhien woman. "So, the rumors were true? You got injured during an accident, Moiraine?"

"Ehm… yes." Moiraine felt uncomfortable. Those people seemed nice and knew the other Moiraine. But how well? What was the other Moiraine usually telling them? How did she address them? What would she do? "I… fell off… a horse." Her skin tingled when she realized again the First Oath didn't stop her from saying it.

"A horse?" Kera furrowed her forehead in confusion. "You would never fall off a horse. You're an excellent rider."

For a moment, Moiraine thought about hugging that little girl. Finally, there was someone as suspicious as she was about her so-called 'accident'.

"Accidents happen, Kera," Lan explained calmly to his wild friend.

"Come. Sit." Diena led Moiraine toward the table and urged her to sit down. "I'll bring you some tea."

Uncomfortably, the Aes Sedai obeyed yet couldn't stop glancing at the door occasionally. She didn't like that situation. How could she convince them to let her leave?

Lan appeared with Kera, and they sat down beside the Cairhien woman. This time, the Malkieri couldn't stop the young girl from hugging Moiraine, though she was extremely careful with her hug.

Shocked, Moiraine froze. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't a big hugger, and kids usually stayed away from her. What was expected of her?

Kera released her, but the frown was back on her forehead. "Is my hug hurting you?"

"Ehm, no."

"Then why don't you hug me back? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I…." Seeking for help, the woman of the Blue Ajah turned toward the Warder, but he was also confused about her reaction. Obviously, his Moiraine knew how to hug someone. Quickly, Moiraine got back on her feet. "I think I should go. You probably have better things to do than serving us tea."

"Don't be silly." Diena pushed Moiraine gently back down. "You're injured and need to rest after such a walk." Then she turned toward Lan while putting the pot over the fire. "Why didn't you ask that Aes Sedai, who arrived this morning in the city, for help?"

"I did ask her," Lan responded quietly.

"And she didn't help? Why? Don't all Aes Sedai know the healing weave?"

Genjad appeared again with a smoking pipe, taking place beside Lan. "You said things are more complicated, Dai Shan. How complicated?"

Moiraine and Lan exchanged a quick glance. How much would he tell them? How much did he trust those people?

"Moiraine, she… she lost some of her memories."

Everyone turned silent while Moiraine locked her eyes on the table before her. Light, she wished she could storm out of that room! The entire city would soon know that a'Lan Mandragoran's wife had lost her mind if they kept telling more people.

"How many memories?" Genjad asked calmly.

"The last couple of years." A heavy sigh escaped Lan's lips. It sounded like he was relieved to talk to someone he trusted about something that was bothering him deeply. "She doesn't remember marrying me or our life in Fal Dara."

Kera gasped, then tugged at Moiraine's sleeve until the Cairhien woman looked at her. The eyes of the little girl had turned big and seemed watery, as if she was close to crying. "Does that mean… you don't remember… me?"

Blood and ashes! Moiraine wasn't good with children! She was close to hurting that little girl's feelings and didn't know if she could handle a crying girl. But she couldn't lie.

"Unfortunately… yes."

The woman of the Blue Ajah waited for the shock to set in. Kera's eyes widened even further. Surely, she would start to sob any second, and then, Moiraine had to-

Kera's arms wrapped around Moiraine's neck, hugging the older woman tightly until she could barely breathe. "It's ok. We'll just make new memories."

Awkwardly, Moiraine patted the girl's back, hoping it was the right thing to do. Couldn't someone else take that girl?

"What did the Aes Sedai say?" Genjad wanted to know while handing Lan the pipe.

"She could heal Moiraine, and maybe she could find out what's going on with her, but…" Lan's eyes found Moiraine's, and he smiled at her. "… but it's Moiraine's choice. If she doesn't want the Aes Sedai's help, we'll find another way to help her."

"Why don't you want her to help you?" Kera was a curious girl. "Don't you want your memories back?"

"It's… complicated," Moiraine responded. She didn't want to explain her feelings to those strangers. Lan might know those people, but she didn't.

Suddenly, Kera's face lit up excitedly, and she jumped to her feet. "I know what will help you! I'll be back."

Surprised, the Cairhien woman watched how Kera ran out of the room. Blood and ashes! What was that girl up to? Panic started rising within her, and Moiraine threw a glance at the door. How far would she come if she walked out just now? Would she be able to-?

A movement on her left caught Moiraine's attention. Lan had changed his position, placing his large body beside her and rubbing his hand in circles over her back.

"Breathe."

Love rolled through the bond, wrapping her in a secure bubble. Of course. The bond. Lan had felt the change in her emotions.

"You have to forgive Kera, Moiraine," Diena said, smiling. "She really loves you and enjoys the moments you spend together."

Moiraine felt bad. Apparently, so many people loved the other Moiraine, and she refused to allow Alanna to help by delving her. What if Alanna could find an answer to the problem by delving her? Would it show that two souls were living in that body? Or was the other Moiraine now in Moiraine's world in her body? Was her real body even still alive?

"Stop." Lan's soft voice felt so good. Moiraine simply wanted to curl up in bed, allowing him to hold her in his arms. When the Malkieri wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, the Cairhien woman didn't think twice and snuggled up on him. She didn't care about the strangers. Softly, Lan whispered in her ear, "I told you. It's your decision. I won't push you if you don't want to be delved."

"I know," the Cairhien woman whispered. She wanted to scream. Light, she wanted Lan – HER Lan. And she wanted to go home. She didn't belong in that world!

"There it is!" Kera returned, but when she noticed Lan had taken her place, she pouted and glared at him. "This is my place, Lan. I sit beside Moiraine."

"Maybe today you can make an exception since she isn't doing well."

"No." The little girl tried to push herself between the Cairhien woman and the Malkieri. "You have her all the time. She belongs to me when you're here."

"Kera," Diena intervened softly. "You heard Lan. Moiraine is injured and not doing well. She needs him now."

"But I brought memories."

"Then show them by sitting next to Lan. Moiraine can see you even when you don't sit beside her."

The little girl was obviously not happy about Diena's suggestion but obeyed while murmuring something inaudible. She had a small casket with her and opened it. Inside were different objects. A horse carved out of wood. A bracelet with beads, each bead in a different color. Some kind of fabric, and there seemed to be no end.

Immediately, Kera forgot about her anger. Cheerful, she placed all those items on the table. "You brought me all those gifts whenever you returned from your travels. A villager from Egwene's village, the Two Rivers, made this horse. And you brought this piece of fabric when you returned from Cairhien. You said the dressmakers have beautiful fabrics and create astonishing dresses. This is a tooth from a Trolloc, who left it in Lan's arm after attacking you. Those shells are from Falme. You said the beach is beautiful and the water so blue. One day, I want to see that beach. Then we have..."

Moiraine stopped listening. Her eyes moved over the little items Kera pulled out of the casket. All those things told a story about what the other Moiraine had experienced in her life. Stories she had told Kera about, but none of it meant anything to the Aes Sedai. She hadn't been the one who brought those gifts back home.

Sadness filled her body when she moved her fingers over the piece of fabric from Cairhien. How long would that nightmare continue? When would she find the way back home?

Chapter Text

Hours later, Moiraine and Lan returned home. Genjad and his family had not only made tea but had offered a hot meal for lunch as well. And Kera hadn't accepted a 'no'. The sweet little girl had tried to take Lan's sword – which ended with her stuck under Lan's arm, fighting relentlessly against his grip – and had grabbed Moiraine's dress to keep them from leaving earlier than necessary.

The uncrowned king of Malkier had agreed to the lunch, but after that, he must have noticed Moiraine's exhaustion through the bond because he insisted on leaving. Not even Kera's whining helped to change Lan's mind. When the stubborn girl placed herself in front of the door to keep Moiraine and Lan from leaving, he simply lifted her in the air, threw her over his shoulder, and carried her to her bed – which didn't happen without screaming – where he wrapped her in her blanket until she couldn't move anymore. Moiraine didn't know if Diena or Genjad freed the screaming girl at one point, but she definitely didn't free herself before the Aes Sedai and Warder had left the house.

Now, they were back in their dining room. Moiraine stood at the window, looking outside yet seeing nothing. She was lost in her thoughts. Genjad had to be one of the armsmen who brought the little baby Lan out of Malkier. Her Lan had told her a few times about the men and that one of them lived in Fal Dara, but she had never gone with him to visit that man, and Lan had never asked, nor had he mentioned his name. Lan had always been happy when he had spent time with them, and Moiraine had had that weird feeling she would overstep a line by asking to join him.

Were Genjad and his family like that in her world? Would they like her? Or would they hate her for endangering Lan's life with their mission? Because of her, he couldn't visit them often. Were they angry with Moiraine? Did Kera even exist? Had Lan told them about Moiraine?

A hand on her back pulled her out of her thoughts. Lan had sneaked up on her. "I ordered us tea."

"Thank you." The Cairhien woman smiled at him, but he wasn't fooled so easily. She saw the worry in his eyes and felt it through the bond. No, she had to distract him if she didn't want him to dig deeper. "Genjad and his family seem nice."

Immediately, the Malkieri's face lit up. "They are. I'm glad we get to spend so much time with them since we moved to Fal Dara. You won their hearts so fast that I almost got a little jealous. Especially Kera. She always loved me but forgot about me once you appeared in her life." Lan laughed in amusement. "Sometimes, it's hard to separate you two." But then his laughter and smile faded. "You don't remember them at all, don't you?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah wanted to say yes, but it was impossible. The First Oath would stop her. Sighing heavily, she shook her head. "I don't. I never met them."

Frustrated, Lan rubbed his hands over his face and turned away. Her words had hit him hard. Why hadn't the First Oath stopped her if all that was true? Why could she say she never met Genjad and his family but also say she was Lan's wife? The situation frustrated her, but she couldn't focus on it now. First, she had to calm Lan.

Before the man from the Borderlands could run from her, the Cairhien woman stopped him by placing her hand on his arm. "When did you tell them about me?" Hopefully, her interest in their life together would lighten his mood.

Lan raised a questioning eyebrow. "When did I tell Genjad about you?" He shrugged his shoulders. "The first time we returned to Fal Dara after you bonded me."

Moiraine swallowed. She hadn't expected that. Had her Lan done the same thing? Had he told them about her? Light! Why hadn't she gone with him just once? It wouldn't have hurt to visit his family. Why hadn't she?

"And when did I meet them for the first time?" Her voice sounded quieter this time.

Lan tapped with his finger against his chin. "When did you meet them for the first time? I think after we returned from the Two Rivers with Egwene and decided to stay in Fal Dara. That was when I introduced you to them."

After the Two Rivers. After the Dragon Reborn's death. Was it possible her life could change like that? Would she be more open to other people? Would she let more people into her life? Was it possible she had learned to trust others who weren't Lan and Siuan?

Who else cared about that other Moiraine? Was she admired? Does she have friends? – People who enjoy spending time with her?

Moiraine's throat tightened. Who did she have? Who cared about her? She only had Lan and Siuan. And since Cairhien, I don't even have Siuan. I left the woman of my heart behind – injured without knowing if someone would come for her.

"Moiraine?" Gently, Lan lifted her chin with his finger until she looked at him. "Are you alright?"

"Why did I marry you?" She had to know. The question was painful for Lan, yet she had to know. "Why did I marry you and not Siuan?"

"Siuan?"

"Or is she… she isn't…?" Moiraine couldn't say the words. The simple thought of Siuan being dead turned her stomach, and she felt like she needed to vomit. But it would be an explanation of why she agreed to marry Lan. If Siuan was out of the picture….

"Moiraine." Lan grabbed her hands gently, and she realized that she was trembling. "Breathe."

"Please." Her voice was just a whisper. "Please, tell me."

Calmly, the uncrowned king of Malkier pulled her against him to steady her until their foreheads connected. "Siuan Sanche is the Amyrlin Seat, sitting in Tar Valon, and isn't bothering us, hopefully."

Relief washed over the Aes Sedai, and her feet almost gave way. Luckily, the Warder still had a tight grip on her and kept her upright. "She is alive?"

"The last time I checked, she was still alive and well."

"That's good." Moiraine felt tears burning in her eyes. Siuan was alive. In that world, Lanfear hadn't been freed because Rand didn't make it to the eye of the world to free Ishamael. Lanfear never hurt Siuan. Moiraine never walked away from her lover. Yet… "When did we break up?" They had broken up at some point, or otherwise, Moiraine wouldn't have married Lan.

The uncrowned king of Malkier sighed. Was she feeling anger through the bond? – Jealousy? Shouldn't she talk about Siuan with him? But who else could give her the answers she needed?

"When we returned to the White Tower after the Dragon had been killed by the Trollocs… you two had a terrible fight. She…" For a moment, Lan was obviously searching for kind words to describe the situation without letting his anger shine. "… she was mad at you – thought you hadn't done everything in your power to protect the Dragon Reborn."

An image appeared before Moiraine's eyes when she felt Lan's rage through the bond. An official announcement from the Amyrlin Seat, declaring Moiraine and Lan to be Darkfriends.

"She called me a Darkfriend."

Surprised, Lan pulled back. "You remember the fight?"

Moiraine shook her head. "I don't. I simply…" Cursing inwardly, she closed her mouth. Why hadn't she kept her mouth shut? Lan didn't like it whenever she mentioned she didn't belong in that world.

But saying nothing was also enough for Lan to understand what she meant. "I see. It's a memory from that other life." Disappointed, he let go of the Cairhien woman and stepped back.

Moiraine felt bad for hurting Lan. He introduced her to his friends and did his best to stay calm in the weird situation, and she permanently hurt him by reminding him none of it was real to her. "Lan-"

She reached out for him, but he refused to be touched. "I have to look over some letters from Lord Agelmar."

"Lan-"

The Warder didn't let her finish. Instead, he backed away from her further as if he suddenly couldn't stand her anymore. "Don't wait for me for dinner. I will eat in my study."

"Lan."

Pain flooded through the bond, though Lan did his best to shield her from his emotions. It broke Moiraine's heart that she was the reason for his pain. Lan didn't deserve that.

"Lan, wait." Was he mending his pace? Did that insufferable man really try to run from her? Light, she couldn't let him leave! – Not like that! "I'll allow Alanna to heal me."

Moiraine sighed in relief when her words made Lan freeze. All his anger was forgotten while she felt him thinking, searching for a loophole in her words. When he couldn't find one, he turned back to her. "Alanna can heal you?"

"Yes."

"With the One Power?"

"Yes." Slowly, Moiraine approached him, hoping Lan wouldn't feel threatened by it. "I'll allow Alanna to heal my injuries with the One Power."

The Malkieri's eyes moved toward the door, and the Cairhien woman had to stop herself from laughing. Lan looked like he was thinking about the fastest way to get to the Green Sister. Moiraine could even imagine him throwing Alanna over his shoulder and carrying her back to the dining room because she wasn't reacting fast enough, in his opinion. Blood and ashes. The man was so tense.

Instead of leaving the room, Lan licked his lips nervously, then faced Moiraine again. "Are you serious? You won't change your mind?"

"I can't lie, remember?"

A chuckle escaped the Warder's lips, then he cupped her face. "You won't regret it."

The woman of the Blue Ajah nodded. But then, she grabbed his tunic and looked him in the eye. "Alanna can heal me, but I don't want her to delve me."

She was surprised when the Malkieri nodded in agreement. "Anything you want, love."

"You're not mad?"

"I told you. It's your decision. I won't force you if you don't want it." Again, Lan licked his lips anxiously. "Can I call for Alanna now?"

Moiraine laughed. The man was still afraid she could change her mind. "Yes. You can call for Alanna if it calms you."

Watching Lan rushing to the door while feeling his joy through the bond was hilarious. Chuckling, Moiraine went back to the window, watching the citizens of Fal Dara passing the house without noticing her watching them.

Alanna was surprisingly quick once Lan's call reached her. Moiraine didn't even have time to finish her cup of tea Lan had prepared for her before the woman of the Green Ajah entered the room without waiting to be called in.

"Took you long enough. Has your cock finally changed her mind, Lan, or was it your talented tongue?"

Moiraine wished the floor would open and swallow her. "Alanna," she sighed in embarrassment, feeling the heat returning to her cheeks. Why couldn't her friend stop? Moiraine already regretted asking her friend for help.

The Green Sister chuckled. "It's cute when you blush, Moiraine. Maybe I should visit you more often. You could learn a few things from me which would bring you both pleasure in bed."

Luckily, Lan stepped in, saving Moiraine from having to answer Alanna's proposal. "Alanna. I try hard so she won't change her mind about letting you heal her. Please, don't make this worse."

"Yes, yes." Alanna waved at Lan dismissively, then faced the Blue. All humor was gone. "Let's do this."

"One more thing," Moiraine said while getting on her feet. "You will only heal me – no delving."

The Green froze. Her eyes searched the Malkieri's, wondering if he agreed with the Cairhien woman. When he nodded, Alanna raised her eyebrows in surprise before slowly walking over to her friend. "So… you decided on healing. What about your memories?"

"We'll figure this out on our own. Your help won't be needed with that." Alanna nodded slowly, but Moiraine could see her mind was somewhere else. Did she look pale? "Are you alright? Do you feel well enough for a healing?" Her friend winced when the Cairhien woman touched her arm gently. "We can do this tomorrow if you need to rest after riding all the way from Arafel."

Alanna smiled and covered Moiraine's hand with her own. "Thank you, Moiraine. But no, I don't need to rest. I'm not twenty anymore, but that little riding didn't exhaust me." She straightened and lifted her hands. "Shall we?"

When Moiraine nodded, Alanna opened herself to Saidar. Immediately, the woman of the Blue Ajah longed to touch the One Power herself. Seeing Saidar, how it filled Alanna's body and brought a content smile to Alanna's lips made her aching for the power. But Aes Sedai couldn't heal themselves, so Moiraine closed her eyes. Alanna couldn't need a distraction.

Her friend's fingers were warm against her skin when Alanna placed them on both sides of her temple. The healing weave moved around her head and under her hair until it found the injury Moiraine had received from the mysterious fall.

The dull pain, which hadn't left the Blue since she woke in that strange world, faded. A relieved sigh escaped Moiraine's lips. It had been annoying and unpleasant, but she hadn't told Lan or the Healer about it. Lan probably wouldn't have allowed her to leave the house, let alone the bed if he knew about it.

Suddenly, the weave changed. Instead of healing, it moved under Moiraine's skin, digging into her muscles and deeper. A new pain exploded in Moiraine's head when the delving weave started to search.

Gasping, the Cairhien woman grabbed the other woman's arms but couldn't do more than hold on to her.

"Forgive me," Alanna whispered in a sad tone.

"What are you doing, Alanna?" Lan couldn't see the weaves but felt Moiraine's pain and saw her reaction. Worry rolled through the bond when he realized something was wrong. "Alanna. Stop."

The woman of the Green Ajah didn't pay attention to him. The delving continued, moving through Moiraine's entire body. It was as if the weave peeled off her clothes piece by piece, leaving her standing naked before the other woman. Trembling, she held on to Alanna, wishing she would finally end that torture.

"Alanna!"

Lan tried to intervene – Moiraine could hear his approaching footsteps – but then he groaned in pain, followed by a curse. What had happened? Did Alanna do something? Did she prepare something before starting the healing weave?

"Alanna, please stop," Moiraine whispered. She couldn't take it anymore. Why wasn't Alanna stopping? What was she searching for?

Finally, the Green Sister took her hands off the Blue, stumbling backward and releasing Saidar. Gasping, Moiraine sank to her knees. Getting healed and delved had been too much for her.

"Moiraine!" In the next second, Lan knelt beside her, wrapping his arms around her and shielding her from Alanna. "What did you do to her, Alanna?!"

"I'm sorry." The woman of the Green Ajah took a seat on a chair close to her. "I didn't have a choice."

"You delved her! Although she told you she didn't want it! Although I told you no!"

"I know."

Moiraine felt Lan's anger. He was furious about Alanna's action. But the woman of the Blue Ajah was more interested in why her friend did delve her. Alanna had begged for her forgiveness, and she didn't look well even now. Who made her do it?

"Who told you to delve me?" Blood and ashes! She wished she could keep the tremor out of her voice, but her body didn't stop shaking.

The Green's eyes were filled with sadness, begging for forgiveness. "I didn't have a choice, Moiraine. You have to believe me."

"Who, Alanna?"

"I tried to convince her countless times that she was wrong – that there wasn't a reason to delve you. But she didn't listen."

She. Moiraine had a pretty good idea who had forced Alanna to betray her friend. "Siuan."

Tears filled Alanna's eyes. "It was an order. I couldn't ignore it. I had to see it through. She is the Amyrlin Seat."

Sighing, the Cairhien woman leaned against the Malkieri, drawing from his strength. Siuan had betrayed her in her world, and now, the Siuan of that world was also against her. Would her Siuan use Alanna too to get to Moiraine? Would she have to be careful once she was back?

"Why would Siuan care about Moiraine being delved?" Lan sounded confused.

Alanna's mouth opened and closed, but no word crossed her lips. Apparently, she didn't want to say the words. But Moiraine understood what she couldn't say. "She still believes I'm a Darkfriend."

"It is nonsense!" Angrily, the first tears rolled over Alanna's cheeks. "I told her continuously that you would never turn to the dark, but the Amyrlin is blinded by her rage. She wants proof and no empty words. So, I delved you and ensured to be thorough, though I knew it would be painful. It's the only way to convince the Amyrlin since I can't lie."

Lan growled and tightened his grip on Moiraine. "You may speak the truth but abused our confidence in you. You will leave this house and city – today. Or I will let the guards arrest you."

The Green lowered her head and nodded. "I understand." Slowly, she pushed herself on her feet. She didn't even try to argue with Lan.

"What did you see?" Alanna froze, then her eyes found Moiraine, who watched the Green curiously. "Don't tell me that delving was for nothing."

"I don't have an exact explanation for your memory loss."

"But you noticed something."

When the woman from Arafel nodded, the Cairhien woman's heart started to beat faster. Was Alanna her opportunity to convince Lan she didn't belong in that world? Was she the answer to one of her problems?

"What did you notice?" The uncrowned king of Malkier wanted to know.

Alanna leaned against the table. The healing and delving had weakened her, and she obviously needed the table to support herself. "It's something I've never seen before." When Lan growled, she continued quickly, "I don't know why Moiraine can't remember the last few years, nor do I know what exactly happened to her. When I delved her, there was… it felt like a clean cut. Like someone made a cut, then tried to connect those parts again, but it doesn't fit anymore."

"A cut?" Was that what had happened to her and the other Moiraine? Lanfear made a cut and switched their lives? Couldn't they remember because they were in the wrong body?

"If I have to guess, I'd say someone attacked you."

"Attacked? Don't you think I would've noticed if someone attacked my wife?" Lan didn't believe Alanna, but the Green Sister didn't waver under his gaze.

"Can you say for sure that Moiraine fell off that horse?" The uncrowned king of Malkier opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again. Nodding, Alanna continued, "Moiraine is an excellent rider, and everyone wonders how she fell off that horse. But what if she didn't fall? What if she was attacked, and you simply found her?"

Lan turned pale, and his grip on Moiraine tightened again. Obviously, he was shocked by Alanna's theory. But Moiraine's thoughts were already running. Attacked. Lanfear had attacked the other Moiraine and then switched their places. It would also explain why the First Oath didn't stop her when she said she never fell off a horse. The other Moiraine didn't fall. She was attacked – attacked by Lanfear, the daughter of the night, to put Moiraine's mind into that body!

Chapter Text

Silence filled the dining room while everyone thought about Alanna's words. Moiraine had been attacked. The riding accident hadn't been an accident. It had all been part of Lanfear's plan.

Lan was the first to find his voice again. "So… if someone attacked Moiraine and is responsible for her memory loss… then how do we get her memories back?"

Alanna sighed. "I don't think we can undo the cut. Whatever weave has been used, I've never seen it." Then she looked at Moiraine and narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "But maybe… I mean, it's just a wild guess…."

"Spit it out, Alanna. What do I have to do?" The uncrowned king of Malkier was eager to bring back his wife's memories.

The Green Sister shrugged her shoulder. "It's a long shot, but we could try returning to the place where Moiraine has been injured. Maybe it brings back her memories."

"But there is nothing. Only grass, a few trees, and hills. Back then, nothing indicated that she had been attacked."

"That's why I said 'it's a long shot'. I don't know how to restore her memories. There is nothing I could… heal. She is perfectly fine now that I healed the head injury. Well, except for the missing memories."

But there is nothing. Only grass, a few trees, and hills.

Moiraine's thoughts started to run. Could it be so easy? Was it possible Lanfear placed her way out of that world on a hill where she attacked the other Moiraine? Blood and ashes! She had to go there!

Excited, the Cairhien woman grabbed Lan's arm to catch his attention. "I want to go there."

Of course, the man from the Borderlands noticed immediately something was off and narrowed his eyes at her. Had he noticed the excitement in Moiraine's voice, or did the bond give her away?

"Why?"

"Alanna is right. Maybe that place can help me understand what had happened to me."

Lan was silent for a moment, then asked, "And when you say 'helping you', do you mean helping you get back to 'your' world?"

Blood and ashes! That man saw right through her! Moiraine swallowed. She needed an answer quickly. But no words wanted to come to her.

Lan's eyes turned hard when he heard her silent answer. "You won't go."

Angrily, Moiraine snapped at him, "It's possible that place can give us some answers. Are you really willing to risk not getting her memories back just because I believe in a different world?"

"I don't like that you talk about yourself as if you're a different person from the one I know. You're my wife and Aes Sedai, and I don't love anyone else." Lan was actually growling.

"That place where you found me could give us both answers. It could tell us that I'm wrong or that you're the one who is wrong. Either way, it could help us in moving forward."

Glaring, the Aes Sedai and Warder pair stared at each other. Neither wanted to give up.

At some point, Alanna cleared her voice. "If I may throw something in, I think Moiraine should take the trip." Lan's head swirled around angrily, but before one word crossed his lips, the Green Sister continued, "Listen to me before you rip my head off. Moiraine is right. I don't know what we'll find at that place where she had the accident. It's possible I'm completely wrong, and that place won't tell us anything. It's possible we only see grass, trees, and hills. And it's also possible that we find out that your wife isn't crazy at all and that she indeed comes from a different world." Lan's growl told everyone that he didn't like that possibility, but Alanna wasn't afraid of him. "You asked for my help, a'Lan Mandragoran. You made me leave my family to help your wife because you want her back. Don't throw away an opportunity just because you're scared of the outcome."

A new emotion filled the bond. Fear. The strong man from the Borderlands was scared! Moiraine's eyes widened when she felt it. Had her Warder ever been afraid? Light, she couldn't remember feeling that emotion from him!

Calming, the Aes Sedai placed her hand on his chest, returning his attention to her. "It's just an attempt, Lan. It's possible we make this trip for nothing because nothing will happen. But if there's something to be found, shouldn't we at least try?"

Sadness filled Lan's eyes when he cupped her face in his hands, then pulled their foreheads together. "I can't lose you, Moiraine," he whispered.

"You won't." It wasn't a lie. No matter what they found, one Moiraine would stay in that world.

But although she couldn't lie, the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't seem relieved. Yet, he nodded ultimately. "Fine. Let's give it a try."

Moiraine was surprised at how wonderful it felt to sit on Aldieb's back. At least some things stayed the same. It wasn't her wonderful mare, but she didn't feel a difference. To be back on Aldieb's back with Lan and Mandarb… it felt like coming home. Moiraine could forget she didn't belong to that world for a while.

Alanna and her two Warders were surprisingly silent and rode a few steps behind while Moiraine and Lan took the lead. Well, Lan took the lead since he was the only one who knew the spot where Moiraine had her riding accident.

It was a beautiful day for a ride, though it was cold, and soon, the woman of the Blue Ajah started to pay more attention to her surroundings. The land had changed from a desert to a beautiful green landscape with trees, flowers, and bushes. How did it come that she never noticed the land was so beautiful, so close to Fal Dara? She and Lan had been in the city more than once, but she couldn't remember the grass or the trees. Now, she wished she would have time to go there but had other responsibilities with the announcement of the Dragon Reborn.

Suddenly, Lan brought Mandarb to a halt. Aldieb slowed down, then the others stopped.

"Are we there?" Alanna wanted to know.

Lan nodded toward the next hill. "I found Moiraine on that hill."

A big tree stood on top, and everyone gasped when their eyes fell on it. The tree was split in half like a lightning bolt had hit it. The right side was untouched, looking like a healthy tree with green leaves and strong branches. And then there was the left side. It was completely burned and obviously dead. No fruit would ever grow on those branches.

"How long is that tree split in half?" Ihvon asked slowly.

"I noticed it for the first time after Moiraine's accident."

"Lan," Alanna whispered. "Where did you find Moiraine?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier gripped the reins tight until they dug into his skin, but he didn't seem to notice. "Under the tree."

Hissing, the woman of the Green Ajah turned to him. "Why didn't you mention the tree?! It screams that someone used the One Power here! And with Moiraine's body under it…!"

"I hoped that it had only been a damn lightning bolt, scaring the stupid horse and causing Moiraine's accident." Lan sounded like he still hoped someone would tell him it was a coincidence.

Oh, Lan, Moiraine thought, then grabbed his hand and squeezed it sympathetically. The poor man must have assumed the worst when he found the body of his wife unconscious on the ground.

Lan gave her a sad smile, returning the squeeze thankfully. Moiraine felt the strong urge to hug him, but not while Alanna and her Warders were still present.

"I need a closer look."

Before anyone could stop her, the Green encouraged her horse to ride onward, and her bonded men followed. Sighing, Moiraine and Lan did the same. Except for the tree, nothing else seemed unusual or gave hints about a fight. The nature was untouched.

Everyone dismounted their horses once they were closer. Alanna handed her reins to Maksim and walked the rest to examine the damage on the tree.

Moiraine and Lan waited with the other two men, watching the scene from a distance. The eyes of the Blue scanned their surroundings, looking for something unusual. How would Lanfear mark the exit? Would it be a simple shimmer in the air? A door back to Moiraine's world? Would Moiraine need to use Saidar to make the exit appear?

When the Cairhien woman took a step forward to have a better look, someone intertwined his fingers with hers. Lan. The Malkieri still felt anxiously through the bond. Apparently, he wanted to ensure Moiraine wouldn't leave him should she find something.

For a moment, the woman of the Blue Ajah thought about freeing herself, then decided against it. Lan was nervous – and scared. He wasn't her Lan, but she couldn't do that to him. He needed her strength now.

"Where exactly did you find Moiraine, Lan?"

Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier and the Cairhien woman handed over the reins to Maksim and Ihvon before they joined Alanna on the hill.

Moiraine kept her eyes open for anomalies, but nothing caught her eye. Was it the tree? Had Lanfear hidden the exit at the tree? Did she have to go through the tree? Would Lan let her? Or would he hold on to her hand until they were back sitting on their horses?

"She lay under the tree," Lan said. "In the middle between the healthy and the broken part."

The tree. Moiraine's fingertips tingled. She wanted to climb through that hole. She needed to go home! Lanfear was torturing Lan and the other Emond's Fielder. The daughter of the night had Rand under her control, and Moiraine needed to save him from the dark if they wanted to have a chance against the Dark One.

"That tree didn't break by a simple lightning bolt," Alanna declared. "I'm certain now that Moiraine got attacked and didn't fall off a horse."

"Do you feel anything?" Lan sounded nervous.

"I can't tell you exactly what happened, but I still feel the use of Saidar, though it happened over a week ago. Whoever channeled here, she is quite powerful." She turned toward Moiraine. "Does anything look familiar to you? Do you remember anything?"

"No." Moiraine's eyes were drawn to the tree. Her body wanted to move forward. It felt like she was called toward the wooden thing. What would happen if she climbed through the space between the healthy and the broken part? Would her soul return to her actual body in her world? Would the other Moiraine return to take her place as Lan's wife?

Her feet moved forward while Lan held on to her hand, not giving her much room to move forward. Moiraine made two steps, then her world turned upside down.

Images appeared before her eyes. She was riding but not on Aldieb. The horse was brown and didn't listen to Moiraine's orders like her beautiful mare did. But it loved to run freely. Both rider and horse enjoyed the warm sun shining from above and the silence surrounding them. They reached a small hill with a beautiful big tree on top when suddenly a dark-haired woman stepped out from behind the tree.

Lanfear! Turn around, you fool!

But no matter how much Moiraine screamed at the other Moiraine, the woman continued her way toward the daughter of the night, not knowing what danger was waiting for her.

"Moiraine!" Someone was shaking her and calling her name, but the woman of the Blue Ajah was caught in the images. "What is happening to her, Alanna?!"

The other Moiraine brought her horse to a halt and asked Lanfear kindly if she needed help. Lanfear smiled sweetly.

She doesn't need help! Run, or she'll kill you!

"Get her out of here, Lan! Now!"

Someone picked her up in his arms and started to run. Had she been kneeling? Surprisingly, the images began to blur and lost all color. Slowly, Moiraine became aware of the world around her again.

Lan held her close against his chest, running toward their horses. Then he pushed her into Ihvon's waiting arms so he could mount Mandarb. It was then that Moiraine noticed she was trembling since Ihvon wasn't moving. Quietly, the man waited until Lan was ready, then lifted the Cairhien woman onto Mandarb's back.

The uncrowned king of Malkier placed her before him, her back pressed against his chest. One arm moved around her waist to steady her while the other grabbed Mandarb's reins. All it needed was one sharp order, and the black stallion went into action, carrying them away from the split tree.

Soon, the memories had all faded, and the Aes Sedai saw the world as clearly as before. But she was still trembling, and her head was pounding as if she still suffered from that head injury. Blood and ashes! What did just happen?!

Back in Fal Dara, Lan carried Moiraine to their bedroom no matter how often she told him she could walk by herself. He felt her headache through the bond, which didn't help lessen his worries.

While the man stormed through the corridors, he barked orders to bring tea and food to their room, and the servants jumped. No one wanted to anger the uncrowned king of Malkier.

In their bedroom, Lan helped Moiraine out of her riding clothes and into a comfortable dress before he urged her to lie down. Obviously, her breakdown at the tree had terrified him, and he wasn't willing to risk another breakdown.

Since the pain was killing her, Moiraine didn't have the strength to argue and simply obeyed. The mattress felt wonderful and soft, and the pillow felt like heaven. Yet, none helped against the pain.

Lanfear stepped out from behind the tree, smiling sweetly.

Groaning, the Aes Sedai pressed her hands on her eyes. She wanted to erase those images from her mind. Why could she remember what had happened to that other Moiraine? Had her spirit been with Lanfear the whole time?

But she remembered the meeting from the other Moiraine's eyes as if she had already been in her body. That was impossible, right? She hadn't been in her body.

The only other explanation was that… No. Lan couldn't be right. She didn't belong to that world. Those weren't her memories. Somehow, she would find her way back home to her world.

"Drink that." Lan stood beside the bed with a glass of water in his hands. When Moiraine eyed the glass warily, he sighed. "It's just water, Moiraine, until the tea arrives."

Aching, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed herself into a sitting position, then allowed Lan to help her with the water. Once the glass was empty, she lay back down, welcoming the soft pillow.

Gently, Lan brushed a loose strand out of her face. "I'm sorry. We should've never gone there."

"I wanted to go there," Moiraine whispered. "Besides, none of us knew what would await us there."

Silence filled the room, and for a moment, Moiraine thought Lan had left, but then he spoke again. "What happened there?"

Lanfear stepped out from behind the tree, smiling sweetly.

"Memories. I saw what had happened. I saw what had happened before the accident."

Lan sat on the bed beside her, taking Moiraine's hand in his. "Do you mean Alanna was right? It wasn't an accident? You were attacked?" Rage rolled through the bond. Lan wasn't happy to find out his wife had been attacked. Moiraine didn't want to know about all the ways the man imagined killing that person.

"Lanfear was there. She is the reason why I'm in that body."

"Lanfear? The daughter of the night?"

"She is free."

Another image appeared before Moiraine's eyes. Lanfear, standing behind Rand who tortured Lan. Every night, Moiraine went back to that nightmare, hearing Lan's screams and begging Lanfear to stop. Not once had she been successful in saving her Warder.

Moiraine's eyes burned, and she felt tears running down her cheeks. She needed to find a way home! Lan needed her help!

"Rest." Lan's voice was soft. Gently, he placed a hand on her hair, sending his calm through the bond. "Alanna will check on you when she returns."

The Aes Sedai didn't argue. She wouldn't mind another healing. Her head was killing her, and she couldn't think clearly like that.

Sighing, Moiraine tried to clear her mind, hoping it would help with the pain. She embraced sleep when it finally came.

Chapter Text

“How is she doing?”

“Her head is killing her, but she was finally able to rest.”

“Did she tell you about what happened at the tree?”

There was silence for a moment as if the person had to think about the following words. “She remembered riding and meeting someone.”

“Did she recognize the person?”

This time, the silence was longer, and Moiraine felt the worries of someone else.

“Lan? What is wrong?”

Lan. Her Warder. Had she made it? Was she back? Suddenly, Moirainee wanted nothing more than to open her eyes. She wanted to see Lan – wanted to see he wasn’t injured.

“She believes she was attacked by a Forsaken.” Lan’s voice was so quiet that Moiraine barely heard him. But it was his disappointment in their bond that told her she wasn’t back in her world. She was still a prisoner in that other body.

“A Forsaken? But they are locked up. How should any of them walk among us?”

“She believes… Light, she still thinks this is all a dream. She keeps talking about ‘her’ world and ‘her’ Lan. Moiraine believes those false memories more than me.”

“Give her time, Lan,” Alanna said softly.

Of course! What took me so long? Alanna must have returned with Ihvon and Maksim. Blood and ashes! I need a healing for that headache!

“Moiraine doesn’t talk like that to hurt you. She got attacked, and the attacker messed with her brain. Once she accepts that there isn’t another world waiting for her, she’ll find herself again.”

“I hope you’re right.”

The woman of the Blue Ajah fought against the fog that clouded her tired brain. She wanted to wake up. She had to wake up! That half-burned tree may have answers she needed to find. Now that she remembered meeting Lanfear there, she was sure her way back home had to be there.

“Did Moiraine move?”

Fabric rustled, and footsteps approached her as Moiraine kept fighting. She could already grab the linen, and her eyelids started to obey her.

“Moiraine? Can you hear me, my love?”

A hand grabbed hers, squeezing it softly. Moiraine would’ve recognized that strong, calloused hand anywhere. Lan. His hands always felt like that due to all the sword training he was doing.

“Lan.” One word that sounded terrible in the Aes Sedai’s croaked voice. Whatever else she had wanted to say ended in a cough.

“There is a pot of tea on the table!”

Blinking, Moiraine opened her eyes while trying to stop the damn cough. Light, that wasn’t working well with her headache!

Lan sat on the bed, helping her to sit upright while Alanna rushed toward the table with the tea. “Easy.”

When the coughing subsided, the Green Sister returned with a steamy cup. “Here. Drink that, sister.”

The warmth of the tea was wonderful and calmed Moiraine’s sore throat. “Thank you,” Moiraine murmured when the cup was empty.

“How do you feel?” Lan wanted to know.

“My head is still killing me.” Sighing, the woman of the Blue Ajah rubbed her temple as if she could get rid of the pain like that. “Any chance you could help me with that, Alanna?”

“My pleasure.”

The woman of the Green Ajah embraced Saidar and prepared the weave. But when she reached out toward Moiraine, the Cairhien woman winced and eyed the hands warily.

“You will just heal me.” Warningly, she glared at her friend. “No delving.”

“I already delved you today. It would be nonsense to do it again on the same day.”

“Say it, Alanna.”

Sighing heavily, Alanna rolled her eyes in annoyance. “I promise not to delve you. I will heal you and then end the weave. May I continue?” Moiraine nodded – which she regretted immediately – then Alanna placed her hands on her friend’s head.

The moment the headache disappeared felt like heaven. Moiraine had been in constant pain since she awoke in that strange world until Alanna healed her that morning. It bothered her that the pain had returned shortly after being free of it.

Was the pain also part of Lanfear’s plan? Did she want Moiraine to feel uncomfortable while she was stuck in that world? Would the pain return soon?

“Thank you, Alanna.”

Nodding, the Green Sister sat down on Moiraine’s other side. “Lan says you remember meeting someone under that tree?”

“It wasn’t a planned meeting. Lanfear was already waiting.”

Alanna and Lan exchanged a glance before Alanna’s face returned to being unreadable. “Lanfear? The Forsaken?”

“She is free.”

“How can you be so sure that it’s her? The Forsaken are locked away for thousands of years. If a seal has been broken, don’t you think the White Tower would know about it?”

“Why should they? Lanfear would be stupid to walk around, telling everyone who she truly is.”

The woman of the Green Ajah furrowed her forehead, then said, “But you know her. How do you know her when no one else does?”

An image appeared before Moiraine’s eyes. Lanfear, straddling Rand, who she had tied to the bed. Moiraine had sneaked up on them, surprising the daughter of the night by pushing Rand’s sword through her heart.

“In my world, she was freed by Ishamael, the father of lies, and I tried to kill her.”

“Ishamael.” Alanna repeated the name slowly as if she wanted to taste it.

Lan simply lowered his head, though he couldn’t hide his anger, which pulsed in the bond. Was he angry about Moiraine mentioning ‘her world’ again or because she thought not just one but two Forsaken walked the earth?

But before anyone could ask more questions, someone knocked at the door. “My Lord?”

“Come in,” Lan called.

A servant entered the room, bowing deeply. “Forgive me my intrusion, my Lord. Lord Agelmar waits in your study and asks for your presence.”

“Blood and ashes!” Growling, the uncrowned king of Malkier jumped on his feet. “Tell him….”

Lan’s eyes returned to Moiraine, and she saw how he hesitated. He didn’t want to leave her side. But Lord Agelmar ruled over Fal Dara. He couldn’t just ignore the man.

Moiraine decided to help the man from the Borderlands. “Go. I’ll be alright.” When Lan wanted to protest, she cut him off quickly. “Alanna is here to keep an eye on me. She can protect me if necessary.”

Mentioning Alanna’s presence actually calmed Lan. Sighing, he returned to the bed. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” He pressed a soft kiss on Moiraine’s forehead, then turned toward the Green Sister. “Call for me if you need help with her – or a break.”

Alanna chuckled while Moiraine glared at him angrily. Of course, Lan wasn’t intimidated by Moiraine’s glare. He left the room without saying anything else while Moiraine felt the strong urge to throw a pillow after him.

“He worries about you,” Alanna said after the door had closed behind the servant.

“He doesn’t trust me not to do something stupid.”

“Can you blame him?”

Speechless, the Cairhien woman turned toward her friend. How was the Malkieri’s behavior her fault? “Pardon me?”

“Oh, Moiraine.” Alanna changed position, lying down beside the Blue. “Do you have any idea what your words are doing to him?”

“My words?”

“Whenever you talk about ‘your’ world and ‘his’ Moiraine, or all that other stuff like the Forsaken.”

The woman of the Blue Ajah growled angrily. “Lanfear is-“

“It hurts him to hear you talking like you don’t belong here. You’re his wife, and he loves you with all his heart.”

Moiraine had enough. No one believed her, and she didn’t want to listen to Alanna’s accusations. Without an answer, she threw back the blanket and crawled to the free side of the bed.

“No, you don’t.” The woman of the Green Ajah was faster. Her hand wrapped around Moiraine’s wrist, keeping her from leaving the bed. “I healed you twice today and delved you once. Allow your body to rest and regain your strength before you start running around.”

“Let go of me, Alanna.”

But apparently, the Alanna of that world was as stubborn as the one Moiraine knew so well. “Shall I tell you what I know?” Moiraine wanted to say ‘no’, but apparently, Alanna didn’t want an actual answer from her. “I once knew a woman who traveled the world with her Warder, searching for something I still don’t know what it was. During those years, this Aes Sedai and her Warder were so focused on their search that they didn’t see what was right in front of them. And then, one day, they returned to Tar Valon. Their search had found an end, but apparently, it wasn’t what they had expected. But suddenly, they had time to think about their future and themselves. Slowly, they started to see each other for what they were – an attractive woman and a muscular, handsome man.”

“Alanna.” Moiraine felt the strong urge to roll her eyes. She didn’t want to hear about the love story of how the Moiraine and Lan of that world found together. Especially not by a horny woman who enjoyed bedding both men and women.

“After what felt like an eternity, the Warder took the next step, asking his Aes Sedai to marry him and to move to Fal Dara with him. Everyone can see how much he loves her whenever he looks at her. He would move a mountain for her with his bare hands if she wished for it to move. And the Aes Sedai was in love with him as much as he was with her. They were meant to be together. But the Aes Sedai got attacked and is now confused by dreams she thinks of as reality. She doesn’t see how much she hurts that wonderful husband of hers by repeating over and over again that she doesn’t belong here.”

Moiraine swallowed. She knew about Lan’s pain whenever she mentioned none of that was real. But what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t pretend like everything was fine – like she was a part of that world. The Cairhien woman needed to focus on finding a way home.

“Are you done?”

“I understand that things are confusing right now. But can’t you at least try to act normal? Or… at least don’t mention every five minutes that this isn’t real?”

Act normal. How was she supposed to do that? Moiraine lowered her head, looking at the golden wedding ring. Could she pretend to be Lan’s wife in that world while searching for a way out of that nightmare? The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills. Who knew for how long she would be stuck in that world? It was possible it could take her a few more days before she found the solution. Maybe she would need Lan’s help to get out ultimately. Having him on her side would be good if she faced some difficulties.

“How am I supposed to act normal? I don’t know anything about being anyone’s wife.”

Alanna smiled. “Well, I’m afraid I can’t give you any hints on the wife part. I never married, and I’m not sure I ever will. The Greens sometimes marry their Warders, but… I like things the way they are right now.” She shrugged her shoulder. “You don’t have to be the perfect wife. And I’m sure Lan doesn’t expect you to pretend you’re still the woman he knew. Give it time. Be there for him while you allow him to be there for you. I know you’re not much of a talker – well, you both aren’t if I think about it – but I always thought you two talked to each other. So, talk to him. Ask him about your life as a married couple. Show him you’re interested in getting to know him.”

Their married life. What was their life like without their mission? – Without the Dragon Reborn? What was Moiraine doing while Lan helped Lord Agelmar? Moiraine couldn’t believe there existed a world where she would enjoy knitting or embroidery.

“And in case you both run out of words, you can always lock yourselves into that room and rediscover each other’s body. The last time we talked, you mentioned that Lan’s skills in bed are-“

“I’m pretty sure I would never talk about that kind of stuff with you, Alanna.”

Moiraine’s cheeks were burning. Light! Was that woman unable to think about anything else than bedding a man?!

“Well, you did. And you also asked me for advice because you wanted to… what did you call it? Oh, yes. You wanted to give your husband a night he would never forget.”

“Sounds like something you would say, but not me.”

The Green Sister smiled with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Believe it or not. Just know that I’m always willing to give advice if you need some help with pleasuring your husband.”

Groaning, Moiraine hid her face in her hands. Was there a polite way to throw Alanna out? She didn’t want to talk about ways to pleasure Lan.

“Alanna, I-“

“What exactly did you see when we visited the tree?”

Suddenly, all the humor had faded from Alanna’s voice. A shiver ran over Moiraine’s back, and she swallowed. How much should she tell her friend? On the other hand, why shouldn’t she tell her everything? Moiraine needed to go home, so she should be thankful for everyone who could help her with that weird situation.

“The tree before it got split in half. There was a woman waiting for me, and I stopped.”

“A woman?” Alanna lifted a skeptical eyebrow.

Sighing, Moiraine remembered hearing Lan tell Alanna about Lanfear. “Lan told you about Lanfear, so don’t play dumb.”

“How do you know it is her and not a stranger?”

“Didn’t you just say I shall not talk about ‘my’ world?”

“You shall not mention it around Lan. The poor man doesn’t deserve that. But I’m not Lan. So, how do you know?”

“She is free in my world, and we… didn’t get along.”

“You met a Forsaken?”

Moiraine laughed dryly. “I tried to kill her.”

The Green Sister coughed in surprise. “You did what?” She asked, choking.

“I had to save the Dragon Reborn. She was seducing him, and he fell for it.”

Silence filled the room while Alanna simply stared at Moiraine with her mouth open. “The. Dragon. Reborn.”

“He is alive in my world. A silly boy who thought he could run from his destiny. He-“

“Stop.” Surprised, the Cairhien woman looked at the woman from Arafel. Alanna had lifted a hand while she shook her head. “That’s enough.”

“You wanted me to-“

“Stop!” Moiraine turned silent, waiting for the Green to find her voice again. “This is nonsense, Moiraine. You’re not from a different world. There is no other world. You are Moiraine Damodred, wife of a’Lan Mandragoran, Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah. The Forsaken are imprisoned for over 3000 years, and the Dragon Reborn is a simple legend. All those potential Dragons who appear here and then? Not one of them turned out to be the Dragon. The last battle won’t be fought while we walk this earth.”

Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah gnashed her teeth. It had been a stupid idea to fill in Alanna on everything she knew. No one would believe her. No. She had to find the way home on her own.

“Moiraine.”

“I’d like to be alone now. Thank you for healing me.”

“Moiraine-“

“Send in one of the maidens to look after me so Lan won’t worry.”

Determined, Moiraine pulled the blanket back over herself, but again, Alanna grabbed her wrist. “I’m not leaving you. You got attacked by a powerful channeler who messed with your mind, and I’ll stay until you regain your memories or continue to live your life.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“But you’re not, Moiraine. So, stop pretending. We’ll figure out what happened to you. It’s a start that you remember what had happened to you at the tree.”

“All those things didn’t happen to me.”

“Didn’t it?” Alanna raised her eyebrows skeptically. “Who were you in those memories?”

Blood and ashes! Nervously, Moiraine licked her lips. She couldn’t lie. The First Oath wouldn’t allow it. How much did Lan tell the Green Sister? Light, Moiraine couldn’t remember how much she told the Malkieri! Did he know about her seeing things from the other Moiraine’s eyes?

“I saw it from her eyes,” the Cairhien woman muttered.

“What? What did you say?”

Oh, Moiraine wanted to strangle her friend. That annoying woman actually pretended she hadn’t heard the Blue’s answer, touching her ear as if that would help her hear better.

“I saw it from her eyes.”

“Ah. ‘Her’ eyes.” Alanna shook her head. “And it never came to your mind that maybe those aren’t ‘her’ memories? You remember the moment like it happened to you. Doesn’t it make more sense that it actually happened to you? – That this stranger manipulated your mind and made you think you lived another life?”

Don’t you think the First Oath would stop you from saying you never fell if you had actually run into a Myrddraal?

First Lan, then Bianca, and now Alanna. Everyone tried to convince the Cairhien woman that there was no other world. They all believed someone had messed with her brain, planting false memories in her head. But they couldn’t be right, could they?

“Let’s say this other life isn’t real. Why should anyone give those memories to me? Why messing with my head?”

“Oh, please. You can’t be that naïve, Moiraine.”

“I mean it. I’m no danger to anyone. It makes no sense that-“

“You’re married to the uncrowned king of Malkier. You will be queen once the Blight is gone, and you two rebuild Malkier. You have many enemies wishing you the worst.”

Queen of Malkier. Rebuilding Malkier. How was that even possible? Without the Dragon Reborn, there was no way to defeat the Shadowspawn for good and get rid of the Blight.

“The Blight will never be gone. It would need the Dragon Reborn to defeat the Dark One so the Blight wouldn’t spread any further, and the Shadowspawn would be erased.”

The woman of the Green Ajah sighed heavily. “Don’t let your husband hear that. I don’t think he would be happy if he found out how little you think about Malkier’s chances. He works so hard to free Malkier from the Blight.”

Moiraine swallowed. Lan tried to free Malkier? Blood and ashes! What else didn’t she know? What else was that version of Lan doing, and how much was she involved in his plans?

“This isn’t real,” she whispered.

Alanna’s hand found hers, squeezing it softly. “How long do you want to search for a way out of here before you accept that this isn’t a dream?”

It was a terrible imagination. Lanfear must have left a way back home. Not even a Forsaken could place someone in a different world without the possibility to get back. Right?

But what if they are right? What if there isn’t a different world, and a stranger – a Darkfriend maybe – gave me those false memories to keep Lan busy? As long as the man worries about me, he can’t focus on fighting against the Blight.

Although the Aes Sedai didn’t like it, the Green’s words made sense. That version of herself was the future queen of Malkier. Attacking her would also be an attack on Lan. If he was trying to free the land, Shadowspawn and Darkfriends would do anything possible to stop him from succeeding.

Moiraine’s eyes fell on the golden wedding ring. Wife of a’Lan Mandragoran. Queen of Malkier. Could it be real?

Chapter Text

Moiraine stopped trying to make conversation. Her mind was spiraling around the question of who to believe. Should she believe the people of that world or her own mind?

Alanna didn't mind taking over the conversation. She kept talking and never expected an answer. The Cairhien woman didn't know what her friend was actually talking about.

At some point, some servants brought dinner, but Moiraine didn't touch it. She simply lay down, closed her eyes, and tried to blend out Alanna's voice until sleep finally found her.

In the morning, Moiraine woke from sleep – Lanfear hadn't visited her that night – and realized that Lan had exchanged places with Alanna during the night. He sat at the table over some documents, his forehead furrowed. Whatever he was reading, it wasn't good news.

The uncrowned king of Malkier was so focused on the paper that he didn't notice the Cairhien woman had woken up. Curiously, Moiraine used the opportunity to take a good look at the man, comparing him to the Lan she knew.

According to that man, their trip to the Two Rivers happened years ago, and a closer look at his hair confirmed that statement. He still wore it tied back in a knot with the hadori around his head. But there were a lot more grey strands in it than she remembered.

His clothes hadn't changed much. The fabric was better woven – worthy of a king – but otherwise, they looked like those he had worn on the road. No bright colors or embroideries. Nothing that indicated he was a king. He looked just like Lan.

Did that Lan have other scars? Had they been in battles since they came to Fal Dara? Since he was fully clothed, Moiraine couldn't compare his scars with the ones her Lan had.

Something she could see was his muscles. His arms and legs were as strong as before, as were the firm muscles on his chest. He hadn't hesitated to carry her or wavered once he lifted her up. Not when he carried her from the window to the bed or when he approached Mandarb after the memories had knocked her out. No, that version of Lan was just like her own.

You don't have to be the perfect wife. And I'm sure Lan doesn't expect you to pretend you're still the woman he knew. Give it time. Be there for him while you allow him to be there for you. I know you're not much of a talker – well, you both aren't if I think about it – but I always thought you two talked to each other. So, talk to him. Ask him about your life as a married couple. Show him you're interested in getting to know him.

Alanna's words rang in the Cairhien woman's ears. She had begged her to act normal. Be there for Lan. Be his wife. Show him you're interested. Try to get to know him. Well, now was as good as any time to try her best.

Slowly, Moiraine sat up and rearranged the blanket before clearing her head. She would try pretending to talk to the real Lan. How hard could that be?

The furrow hadn't left his forehead during her examination. What was he reading?

"Bad news?"

Startled, the Malkieri turned his head around, and his eyes widened in surprise. When he saw the Aes Sedai sitting in bed, he dropped the documents, jumped to his feet, and rushed to the bed. "You're awake."

Moiraine smiled. "I am."

"I can't believe I didn't notice." Anger rolled through the bond, but Moiraine knew it wasn't aimed at her. No, the foolish man was angry with himself for not feeling her. Gently, the Malkieri took her hand between his own. "How do you feel?"

"The headache is gone, but you already knew that." The Cairhien woman touched his forehead with her free fingers, smoothing the furrow. "Something is bothering you."

A dry laugh escaped Lan's lips, then he pressed a kiss on her wrist. "It's nothing. Don't worry about me. We focus on you and your recovery."

Show him you're interested in getting to know him.

Moiraine smiled. "Tell me. What worries you?"

"Except for finding a cure for my wife?"

The Cairhien woman cupped his cheek with one hand. "You weren't worrying about… me when you looked at those documents." It was hard to call herself his wife, but she made it with only a slight hesitation. Did Lan notice?

"I wasn't," Lan admitted. "At least not entirely. It's impossible for me not to think about you. You're always on my mind."

That insufferable man was trying really hard to distract her from his problems. Well, Moiraine wouldn't give up so easily. She had to convince him she was doing fine, or he wouldn't stop watching her every move. "Tell me. It helps to share the burden with someone else."

A sad smile appeared on Lan's lips, then he pressed another kiss on her wrist. He was buying himself time. Had Moiraine been wrong? Did they not share their thoughts in that world? Or was that version of her not involved in Lan's plans? Was she pushing him too far?

"You're right." Surprised, Moiraine raised her eyebrows. She hadn't expected that. "I got word about our men who are fighting against the Blight. There was another attack from the Shadowspawn. Many of our men died. We've already lost so many men to the Dark One's army… sometimes, I wonder if it's a lost cause. Maybe I should forget Malkier."

Despair filled the bond, but it was Lan's bitterness that broke Moiraine's heart. The Warder wanted to save his home so badly but without the Dragon… "What can we do to help?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier snorted. "A group of Aes Sedai would be helpful. Sadly, the Amyrlin refuses to send sisters."

"The White Tower didn't…." Shocked, the Aes Sedai looked at the Malkieri with big eyes. How could Siuan refuse to send sisters? Men were dying. Men who fought against the Shadowspawn. When Lan quickly lowered his gaze, Moiraine understood. "Siuan doesn't send sisters because of me. She wouldn't help a woman she thinks of as a Darkfriend."

"This is not your fault. The Amyrlin is simply… stubborn."

"She wouldn't hesitate if I weren't involved. How can this not be my fault?"

Lan shook his head. "I shouldn't have brought it up. Let us focus on you getting better." Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier asked, "What do you want to do today?"

Be there for him while you allow him to be there for you.

Was that the moment when Moiraine allowed Lan to be there for her? How would he react? Would he go with her, or would he forbid her to leave?

"I want to pay the tree another visit."

Immediately, Lan's smile turned into anger. "No," he responded coldly.

"I have to go back. I need to know what happened."

"You got attacked. Alanna admitted she can't heal that cut, and memories won't heal it either. That tree is doing nothing but bringing you pain."

"I still don't remember everything from that attack."

"And you don't have to. Important is that you're alive and well, and we ensure that you rest and take it slowly until you regain your strength."

Angrily, Moiraine glared at him. "I want to see that tree."

"You won't leave the house."

"So, I'm a prisoner now?!"

"You're not a prisoner, Moiraine." Frustrated, Lan rubbed a hand over his face. His exhaustion was palpable through the bond. "Light, I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what, Lan? From a tree?" The Aes Sedai couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "I mean, who hasn't heard about those terrible monsters, looking so innocent in their stillness, but when you turn your back on them, they will catch you with their roots and swallow you before you have time to run."

"Moiraine," Lan growled warningly. They glared at each other, then the Malkieri jumped to his feet, starting to run up and down. "The last time you went there, you collapsed. Who knows what will happen when you go there again?"

"We will never know if we don't go there."

"I'm not willing to take that risk. Haven't you gotten hurt enough over the last few days?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah gnashed her teeth. So much for 'Be there for him and allow him to be there for you'. Lan wouldn't help her. He wanted his wife and not Moiraine's mysterious way out of that world. No, she had to get rid of him, finding an assignment that would keep him busy. She couldn't go to that tree if he watched her every step.

Moiraine took a deep breath, putting on her calm Aes Sedai mask. If Lan didn't want to help her, she saw no reason to continue their argument.

Of course, Lan saw it, too, and returned to the bed. "Please. I can't lose you, Moiraine." He tried reaching for her face, but the Cairhien woman turned her head away. She didn't want to be touched.

Lan sighed but didn't try to touch her. "I understand. In that case, I will leave you alone. If you need anything, feel free to tell the guards before your door. They will arrange everything."

Moiraine fought hard not to snap at him. No matter what Lan said, she was a prisoner. Silently, she watched him from the corner of her eye, picking up his documents before he left the room, glancing at her one last time. He didn't try talking to her again. His Moiraine also must have shown him the cold shoulder occasionally.

Once the uncrowned king of Malkier had left the room, the Cairhien woman threw back the blanket and started preparing. She needed a plan for how to get rid of the guards. She needed to go home!

Moiraine's thoughts were spiraling while a maid helped her to get cleaned and dressed. She could use Saidar to knock out the guards, but Lan probably warned Alanna to watch out if someone used the One Power. They would appear at the stable, stopping Moiraine before she even had a chance to escape. No, she had to be smarter.

She sent the girl out once she was done, ordering tea and breakfast. Of course, she wasn't really hungry, but she had to act like she wasn't planning anything if she didn't want to alert Lan.

Her eyes found a small package that Bianca – the Healer – had left for her. The woman had wanted Moiraine to sleep, so she left her goatstongue to help her with that.

Goatstongue. Wasn't that the herb Nynaeve had used to help Stepin after Kerene's death? And she used it in Falme to help those who had been in pain. Maybe it could be of use to me.

Smiling, the Aes Sedai weighed the package in her hands. An idea was forming in her head. She had no idea how much of the herb was needed to make someone sleepy, but it should be helpful.

A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts, and she hid the package behind her back. "Yes?"

A servant entered, carrying a tray with a pot of tea and a plate with buttered bread and fruits. The smell of the warm bread filled the room and made Moiraine's stomach growl. Maybe she was a little hungry.

"Your breakfast, my Lady."

"Put it on the table, and pour me a cup of tea, please."

The man bowed, then went to said table. Moiraine followed him slowly, then graciously placed her body in the chair Lan had used before. She would have to be quick if she wanted to succeed.

Once the servant was done, he bowed again. "If my Lady needs anything else, please let us know."

"Actually," Moiraine said, and the man stopped in surprise. "Could you tell the guards I want to see them?"

"The guards, my Lady? They can't leave the door. Our Lord assigned them to-"

"I don't want them to leave. I want them inside." Confused, the man furrowed his forehead. He didn't understand what Moiraine wanted from the guards. The woman of the Blue Ajah raised a questioning eyebrow. "Is there a problem?"

"No, my Lady. Of course not." Quickly, the servant bowed, then rushed to the door.

Moiraine didn't waste much time. She lifted the lid of the teapot, then inserted three pinches of the herb. Hopefully, it wasn't too much. She had never drunk goatstongue before, so she had no idea if someone could taste it in the tea.

Nynaeve would have noticed. Light, I should've paid more attention to her when she prepared it at the infirmary.

Quickly, she put the lid back where it belonged and hid the package in a small pocket of her dress. In the next moment, the two guards entered and bowed.

"My Lady."

Moiraine couldn't offer them to join her for breakfast. Guards didn't eat with their lords and ladies. It would look suspicious if they joined her. First, she had to distract them.

"I was hoping you could help me in filling in some blanks. As you may have heard, I miss several years of my memory. My husband is busy, so I thought you could fill me in while I eat my breakfast."

"What do you wish to know, my Lady?" The man on the left looked like he wasn't comfortable with the situation, but the guard on the right seemed eager to help.

Moiraine smiled at him sweetly. "Everything. Everything you know."

Listening to the guards was more exhausting than the Aes Sedai would've thought. They took turns – after the man on the left had warmed up to Moiraine's plea – and they knew a lot. Apparently, Lan had been quite busy in that world, and his wife supported him in every way possible.

Soon, her plate was empty, and the men were not even close to coming to an end.

"The Trollocs are incredibly stupid. Although they are killed, every time they try to attack Fal Dara, they return over and over again."

"Our Lord is always upfront. No Trolloc passes his attention or escapes his sword. Or you, my Lady. Watching you two fighting against the Shadowspawn is always a great pleasure. You complete each other so well. I mean…." The man lowered his gaze to the floor. His ears shimmered red, and he coughed to clear his voice. "Of course, you know how well you work together."

His cough was Moiraine's chance to continue with her plan. "Dear light. I let you talk and talk without allowing you to drink. May I offer you a cup of tea?"

As expected, the guards declined politely. Moiraine wanted to snap at them but kept her calm. It would get her nowhere if she lost her temper now. "I insist. If you do me the honor to help by telling me about the past few years, the least I can do is offer something to drink." Her eyes fell on the fireplace. Luckily, they kept a pot for tea and some extra cups in that room. Moiraine assumed the other Moiraine liked to drink some tea before bed. "Could you get me two more cups?"

The guard on the left grimaced at her question, but the one on the right finally moved to the fireplace. It seemed like he didn't want to anger his lady.

Once he brought the cups, Moiraine filled them with the tea, though the man protested he could do it. It wasn't hot anymore, but she couldn't use Saidar to heat it – at least not if she didn't want Lan on her heels.

"Here."

She handed the guards their cups, who hurried to take them. They mumbled their appreciation while keeping their eyes locked on the floor, then took a sip. Moiraine noticed she held her breath when they both didn't swallow. Had it been too much goatstongue? Could they taste the herb? Blood and ashes! She needed them to swallow all of it! Maybe she could distract them.

"I hope the tea is not too strong for you?" She did her best to sound as innocent as possible. "If you don't like it, I can order you-"

"It's fine." Both men quickly emptied their cups when the Cairhien woman stepped closer to take them out of their hands. Surprised, Moiraine raised an eyebrow. It looked like she had hit a nerve with her question.

But emptying the cup wasn't enough for the guards. The one on the right held out his empty cup and asked, "Could I have another?"

Moiraine smiled when the other one demanded another cup as well. That went better than she had imagined. "Absolutely."

After drinking two cups of tea, it all went down quickly. The two guards had continued their report but started to slur after a few minutes. Calmly, the woman of the Blue Ajah watched how they rubbed their eyes and began to sway. When the first of them almost fell, she got up and helped him to lie down on the floor, where he closed his eyes and started to snore. The other guard was too sleepy to notice his friend was already down but followed him quickly.

One problem down.

Moiraine didn't waste time. She couldn't say how long Lan would be occupied with his documents. As quick as possible, she undressed, then slipped into her riding outfit. Who knew what else Lan had prepared to keep her from leaving?

The Aes Sedai left the guards in her room. Someone would wonder why they didn't stand guard before her door, but hopefully, she would be long gone by then. The most important thing was that she didn't allow her emotions to show through the bond. Lan couldn't know about her escape.

Chapter Text

Moiraine walked as slowly as possible through the corridors and with as much confidence as possible. Lan hadn't forbidden her to leave her room. So, no one should worry that she was walking through the house. Yet, there was a small problem. Everyone who took a second look at her must notice that she wore her riding clothes, not a fine dress.

And she had to be careful not to run into Lan, Alanna, Ihvon, or Maksim. All of them would stop her before she reached the stable.

But Moiraine had luck. No one stopped her or asked her what she was doing, and she also didn't run into one of her friends. She escaped through the kitchen, moving between the servants who didn't seem to recognize her. Had they ever seen her in her riding clothes?

The stable lay shortly behind the house. A big tree grew on the left side of it and was currently used as a training area by Lan and Ihvon. Moiraine cursed when she saw the two men, their chests naked and glistened with sweat. Lan wasn't stupid. He knew the Cairhien woman would try to escape, so he forgot about his documents and took a training session with another Warder. For how long were they already fighting?

Nervously, she threw a glance toward the stable. It was only a few feet away, but both men would notice her. There was nothing a Warder didn't notice, even when he was distracted like they were at the moment. No, she needed another plan.

Searching, she let her eyes wander. Suddenly, a woman left the kitchen with a gigantic basket filled with a big pile of laundry. She was swaying under the weight and couldn't see where she was going. Moiraine smiled. That laundry would help her to reach the stable and avoid Lan's clever eyes.

"I'll help you." She grabbed the underside of the basket while hiding behind the pile. If Lan looked in their direction, he would only see her lower half, though Moiraine hoped the woman's clothes would cover her.

"Oh. Thank you." The woman allowed Moiraine to lead the way for a moment, then realized that the Aes Sedai led her toward the stable. "What are you doing? This is not the path to the well."

"Is it not?" Moiraine asked innocently. She had no idea where the well was and didn't care. Only a few more steps, then she was safe from Lan's and Ihvon's eyes.

"No. We have to go right." The woman tried to guide Moiraine in the correct direction, but the Cairhien woman did her best to work against the woman's efforts. "Stop it. This is not the path."

Sighing, the woman of the Blue Ajah let go of the basket. She had made it. Cursing, the other woman tried to regain her balance. Moiraine explained, "I'm sorry. Maybe I should try something else." She didn't wait for the other woman to find an answer. Quickly, she slipped inside the stable. Time was of the essence.

Luckily, there weren't many horses inside the boxes, and Aldieb was easy to spot. That saved her a lot of time.

"Hello, beautiful," Moiraine greeted the mare, who nudged her as a greeting. "Are you ready for a ride?"

Aldieb snorted, making the Aes Sedai grin. At least the mare wouldn't try to stop her. But first, she had to saddle her.

"It's ridiculous. Why does Lan not ask some of his servants to check on the horses?" Alanna's annoyed voice made Moiraine freeze. That couldn't be true! "They could stop Moiraine as well as we would."

Light, she was coming inside! Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah entered Aldieb's box and hid in the furthest corner behind a pile of straw.

"That's not true, and you know it. You healed Moiraine, and now, she can use Saidar again. No servant would be able to stop her if she uses the One Power." Of course, Maksim was with her. Alanna was rarely seen without at least one of her Warders.

"If she uses the One Power, Lan would know it. He can feel her channel through the bond."

"He worries and hopes you can reason with her."

The Green Sister snorted. "I'm not sure anyone can reason with Moiraine. I thought her husband was up for the challenge, but…" A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "Light, it seems like she became even more stubborn since that attack."

"It must be hard for Lan to hear his wife believing this is all not real."

"Hmm," Alanna hummed, agreeing. The pair reached Aldieb's box. "Hello, Aldieb." Again, the mare snorted as a greeting. "I know. You just saw us half an hour ago. But I brought you a carotte." Alanna laughed, and Moiraine heard the mare chewing. Aldieb must have accepted the carotte. "See? It isn't so bad to see us again."

"She probably would rather see Moiraine than us," Maksim said.

"I know. But I can't do anything against that. Lan doesn't want Moiraine to return to that tree. So, we play along and check on you, sweet lady, ensuring your owner doesn't take off without her husband's approval."

The blonde Warder chuckled. "It looks like she already forgot about us. The carotte is way more interesting."

"In that case, we should leave her. She is obviously in the stable and well. Maybe I will pay Moiraine a visit, keeping her company. This way, I wouldn't have to check on Aldieb every half hour."

Moiraine held her breath while Alanna and Maksim left the stable. That was not good. If Alanna went to her room… Light, she had to hurry!

She waited a few more minutes to be safe, then went into action. It wasn't the first time she had to saddle Aldieb in a hurry. The Aes Sedai had lost count of how many times she and Lan had run from Whitecloaks or Shadowspawn. Aldieb and Mandarb had been used to sudden departures. Of course, Lan had often done the saddling, but it didn't mean Moiraine couldn't do it herself.

Soon, Aldieb was ready, and Moiraine led her to the door. This time, she wouldn't be able to sneak around Lan and Ihvon. The Malkieri would see her leaving, but it would take him some time before he could follow her. Hopefully, he couldn't catch up with her before she reached the tree.

The Aes Sedai mounted Aldieb, then took a deep breath. Now or never, she thought. Her mare obeyed as always, carrying her owner out of the stable toward the front of the house.

"No! Moiraine!"

Lan's scream echoed in Moiraine's ears, but she didn't turn around. She couldn't slow down. That stupid tree probably was her way back home!

The streets were crowded, but the people jumped out of the way when they realized Moiraine was in a hurry.

"Moiraine!"

A relieved sigh escaped the Aes Sedai's lips when she heard the Warder had followed her to the street. It would cost him more time to get Mandarb. Every minute he wasted on calling after her was for her a minute closer to her destination.

Hope started to bubble in her heart. She could make it. She could reach the tree before Lan.

Hours later, Moiraine wished she had considered taking some provisions with her, but it would have slowed her. Besides, if the tree was the answer to her problems, she wouldn't be in that world very long anymore.

When the tree finally came into sight, Moiraine couldn't stop herself from smiling. She had made it. Of course, Lan was already following her. She could feel him closing in on her. A bundle of anxiety, fear, and anger in the back of her mind. But he wouldn't make it in time. He was too far away to stop her now.

Carefully, Moiraine dismounted Aldieb, then allowed the mare to eat some grass. She hoped that version of Aldieb was as well-behaved as her own and wouldn't run off once she turned her back on her. The tree was the only possibility to secure the reins, but Moiraine didn't want the mare close to her if that second meeting went like the first one.

Slowly, she approached the damaged wood, her eyes fixed on the space between the healthy and burned part. Was that her way out? Was that tree symbolizing Moiraine? – Two souls in one body? Had Lanfear cut the tree to give the woman of the Blue Ajah a hint? What had happened there?

The tree was only a few steps away when Moiraine's vision blurred, and other images appeared before her eyes. A scene she had seen when they visited the tree before.

It had been hours since she left Fal Dara behind her, yet Moiraine felt no desire to return. Pyra was a beautiful young mare, and although she wasn't Aldieb, Moiraine enjoyed the ride. It felt good to feel the wind in her hair and the sun on her skin. She should ask Lan to ride with her again. Maybe they could take a day in a week where they left Fal Dara and all their worries behind. It would be just them like in the old days.

Moiraine didn't miss the days when they were running around, searching for the Dragon Reborn and sleeping in terrible inns or on the ground. It was nice to finally have a home in Fal Dara. She only wished her husband would slow down sometimes. Without their search for the Dragon Reborn, he focused his attention on saving Malkier. He was so determined to show her his home he sometimes forgot the world around him.

A beautiful big tree caught the Cairhien woman's eye, and she decided it was a good place for letting Pyra eat while she would stretch her legs.

But when she reached the tree, a woman stepped out from behind it. She had long dark hair and was beautiful in every way. It had been a long time since Moiraine had been attracted to another woman, but that one… the Aes Sedai couldn't stop herself from moving closer. Something was… different about that woman. Her appearance was almost magical and drew Moiraine closer.

"Peace favors you, my friend. Do you need help?"

The stranger tilted her head, letting her eyes wander over Pyra. "I like your horse."

Blood and ashes! Even her voice was smooth and felt like silk on Moiraine's skin. She took a deep breath to suppress the upcoming arousal. "Thank you. Her name is Pyra."

"Hm," the woman hummed. "She is beautiful."

"She is new and needs to learn a lot. I worked with her for months, and this is our first ride together." At this moment, Moiraine realized the woman had no horse with her or bags. Surprised, she let her eyes move over the landscape, searching for a nearby village but couldn't find one. "Are you alright? Where is your horse?"

"They are so terribly slow. Never liked them very much for transportation."

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. Slow? Since when was a horse slow? There was nothing faster than a horse. Was that woman sick?

"Are you injured? Do you need healing? I'm an Aes Sedai. I can heal you if you need help."

Finally, the dark eyes of the stranger looked straight into the Cairhien woman's eyes, and Moiraine shivered. As beautiful as the woman was, as cold were her eyes. A single thought crossed Moiraine's mind. That woman was dangerous.

"You're el'Moiraine ti Damodred Mandragoran, wife of a'Lan Mandragoran."

Moiraine gripped her reins tighter. She hadn't mentioned who she was or where she had come from. How did that woman know her?

"And who are you?"

"Your worst nightmare."

Saidar filled the stranger, more powerful than Moiraine had ever seen. Not even Egwene was that powerful. Quickly, the Aes Sedai wrapped herself in Saidar, placing a shield between the woman and herself. She didn't think about running. Pyra couldn't outrun the woman's attack.

Sadly, Moiraine's shield wasn't strong enough. It shattered into a million pieces. The blast threw the Cairhien woman out of the saddle, making her hit the ground hard. All air was pressed out of Moiraine's lungs, and the world was a blur due to the impact. Her head and back were killing her, but she couldn't stay down. She wouldn't give that stranger an easy target.

Aching, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed herself on her feet. She wanted to embrace Saidar again, but the stranger was faster. Weaves wrapped around her body, then lifted her in the air and made her fly until her back hit the trunk of the tree.

Pain spread through her body, making it hard to think. Light! Who was that woman?!

"It's a shame," the woman sighed. "You are a pretty little one. Under other circumstances, I would keep you, but you have a role to play still. We need you to keep that husband of yours busy."

"He'll… kill… you."

It was hard to speak since another weave was wrapped around Moiraine's throat, squeezing it slightly.

The stranger smiled. "I'd like to see him try. But I think he has more important things to do than following me."

"He feels… what I… feel."

"Oh, he doesn't feel your pain right now. I placed a small shield over your bond, blocking your pain from reaching him. He doesn't know what I'm doing to you right now." The weaves tightened further, cutting painfully into Moiraine's flesh. "It was nice playing with you. Bye, little one."

Gasping, the woman of the Blue Ajah watched how her opponent prepared another weave. It rotated like a blade, getting faster and faster until there was nothing else seen than a sparkling light. It moved toward Moiraine until it hovered over her head, then the stranger made a down-movement.

The weave cut through the tree, splitting it in half. The sound of the breaking wood was deafening. And then it cut into Moiraine's head.

She screamed. The pain was nothing like she had ever experienced before. She couldn't think, she couldn't do anything. There was nothing but the excruciating pain.

Moiraine noticed she screamed. The memory of Lanfear's attack felt so real, like it had happened to her, and her body just remembered what it had been through.

And then, she felt like someone split her head open, and countless images forced their way into her head. Moiraine and Lan, visiting the Two Rivers. Nynaeve, kidnapped and killed by a Trolloc. Rand and his father, slaughtered in their own house. Egwene, following Moiraine and Lan to Tar Valon. Moiraine's fight with Siuan. Siuan, calling her a Darkfriend. Lan's proposal. Their wedding in Fal Dara. Their first night as husband and wife. Their decision….

Moiraine gave up fighting and simply succumbed to the memories, letting them drown her until everything went dark.

"I told her not to go there!"

"Calm down. She is alive."

"Alive?! She is unconscious! This memory was so powerful it knocked her out! I thought someone was trying to split my head open!"

"She tries to find answers for her situation and believes that tree could give her those."

Something crashed, followed by a curse.

"Lan!"

Blinking, Moiraine opened her eyes. Something was happening, and she needed to know what. Groaning, she realized she was still caught in that other world. When she pushed herself on her arms, she saw Lan walking up and down the room. The man wasn't just angry. He was incredibly mad, and she didn't need to ask why.

Alanna was also in the room with her hands on her hips, glaring at the Malkieri as if he would care about that. And at the wall lay the remains of one of the chairs. Apparently, the uncrowned king of Malkier had thrown the chair to deal with his anger.

"Moiraine."

The Cairhien woman's eyes returned to the Malkieri, who had finally noticed she was awake. He took a few steps toward the bed, then stopped and took a deep breath. Moiraine felt him fighting with his emotions. Relief and anger fought with each other, and he obviously couldn't decide which should win.

Alanna didn't have that problem. She appeared beside Moiraine, glaring at her now. "Finally. It's about damn time you wake up."

"What did I miss?"

"What did you miss? Well-"

"You missed that I told you not to go to that tree again!" Lan snapped angrily. His hands moved like he wished to throw something else.

Aching, Moiraine pushed herself into a sitting position, grimacing when the pain exploded in her head. All those new memories… her head felt heavy with the latest information.

Sighing, Alanna helped her friend, then placed her hands on Moiraine's head. The pain faded, and the Cairhien woman didn't mind that her friend hadn't even asked before healing her. She was simply thankful not to be in pain anymore. Light! She was tired of being in pain!

"Thank you, Alanna."

The Green Sister snorted. "You do remember I belong to the Green Ajah and not the Yellow, right? I can heal you, but I'm not nearly as good as our Yellow Sisters."

"I appreciate your help, my friend."

"Please leave us, Alanna."

Alanna's eyes widened at Lan's plea. "Lan, don't-"

"I'd like to talk to my wife alone."

Moiraine patted her friend's hand when she saw how the woman hesitated. She wanted to de-escalate the situation. "It's alright, Alanna. We'll be fine. Thank you for your help. You should get some rest."

Sighing, the woman from Arafel gave up. "Fine. Call me if you need me." She squeezed Moiraine's hand in sympathy, then left the room, but not without throwing a warning glance at the Warder.

Lan gave Alanna a moment to get away from the door before his eyes found Moiraine again. This time, his emotions were evident. The man was pissed. "What have you been thinking?"

Calmly, the Aes Sedai swung her legs out of bed. She wouldn't have this argument while sitting in a bed. "We needed answers."

"Answers?! That tree doesn't have answers!" It felt strange to hear Lan raising his voice. Usually, there was not much that could make him lose his temper.

"It showed me what happened."

Silence fell over the room. Lan hadn't expected that. "You remember what happened to you?" He was still angry but also calmer.

Moiraine grimaced at his words while walking to the windows. "I saw the attack," she responded evasively.

It was a weak attempt to play with words, and Lan saw right through it. "I see." His anger flared up again. "You didn't go back for answers. You went back to find a way out."

Would she ever be able to convince him about the truth? Or would he always try to bring back his wife? Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah crossed her arms before her chest, then faced the Malkieri again. "I told you, I'm not-"

"Stop!" The uncrowned king of Malkier rushed toward her until they stood mere inches apart. "I don't want to hear that anymore. Enough of this nonsense of you being someone else. There is no other reality – no other world you come from. You are who you always have been. My soulmate, who has been by my side for over twenty years."

"I understand this is hard for you. I assure you the situation isn't easy for me either. But I can't pretend to be someone-"

Before Moiraine could finish her sentence, Lan had closed the distance between them. He grabbed her neck and pulled her forward, pressing his lips on hers. It wasn't a gentle kiss. Lan's lips were hard and demanding, yet not painful. Moiraine felt his desperation through the bond. He wanted her to remember. He wanted to remind her about the love they felt for each other.

The kiss felt strange, yet her body reacted immediately to Lan's presence. Her mind came from a different world, but the body belonged to the other Moiraine, who was in love with the Malkieri. Because of her latest trip to the tree, Moiraine remembered their first night together. She remembered kissing him – touching him! They had thoroughly explored each other's bodies, and that body she was stuck in longed for Lan's touch. It wanted his hands caressing her sensitive breasts and his tongue between her-

Embarrassed, Moiraine blushed. Light, she had to stop thinking about that night! It hadn't happened to her!

But she had to realize that her body had melted against Lan's. She needed all her strength not to move her hands, which wanted to move lower to grab his butt.

Luckily, Lan chose to step back at that moment. He seemed disappointed and sad. All his anger had faded. Had he felt her arousal through the bond? Light, she hoped not!

"Tell me you didn't feel a difference – that the kiss felt as always." Lan's feelings already gave her the answer, but Moiraine wanted him to admit that things had changed. That she wasn't the person he used to know.

Growling, the Malkieri closed the distance again, cupping her face in his hands. "It didn't feel the same. But I'm certain it will feel the same again once you stop believing you're a different person. When you realize that someone played with your mind and you return to me, then this…," Lan pressed his lips tenderly on hers. Moiraine's legs became weak. Light, that man could kiss! "Then this will feel like it used to be."

The uncrowned king of Malkier had still not given up on her. Although she insisted that she was from a different world. Although she had attacked him. Although she had run from him. Although she had hurt him countless times with her words. No matter what she did, the man forgave her every single time. He followed her, picked her up, and returned her to their safe house, where she received healing.

But he couldn't be right. That world wasn't hers. Right?

Chapter Text

Two more weeks passed, and Moiraine noticed how she started enjoying her new life. It was a good life and felt good. She had never been so free in her world as she was now. There was no mission, no burden, no danger. For the first time in her life, she could sleep in if she wanted and read all day long. It was wonderful.

And she noticed something else. The more she enjoyed that new life and stopped fighting against it, the less nightmares haunted her at night.

However, whenever she had a bad day and was convinced she didn't belong there, Lanfear visited her in her dreams, torturing Lan and the other Emond's Fielder. Every time, she awoke screaming and crying, and every time, Lan was there. He wrapped her in his strong arms, never asking why she was crying, just giving her a safe place to dry her tears.

Moiraine didn't know when she asked Lan to stay, but at some point, he started to sleep beside her in bed. He never tried to cross a line or touched her inappropriately, and Moiraine was thankful he gave her time. The only bold thing he tried now and then was stealing a kiss from her. And every time their lips met, the Cairhien woman wished they would stay like that a little bit longer. Her body longed for Lan's touch, though she never said it out loud. After every kiss, Moiraine remembered an intimate moment with the Malkieri that didn't help to calm the storm inside her.

Alanna also stayed with them. The Green Sister and her Warders joined their dinners, and the men often kidnapped Lan to train with him. Although the Malkieri growled about the distraction and told them to leave, Moiraine felt his joy when the three men fought. He didn't mind their presence at all.

Moiraine was… torn about their stay. It was nice to have a friend there, but sometimes, she wished Alanna would leave. The Cairhien woman stopped counting how often the Green Sister gave her advice about bedding a man. It didn't matter that Moiraine didn't ask for advice. Alanna gave it freely because she still thought Moiraine could solve her problems with Lan by fulfilling her marital duties.

Shockingly, the woman of the Blue Ajah found herself listening to her friend. Never before had she thought about bedding Lan, and thinking about it now… made her body tingle in anticipation. All those positions and possibilities… it was madness!

Of course, Moiraine didn't try any of those possibilities. When she and Lan shared the bed together, they simply lay there, side by side, taking comfort in each other's company. She didn't need more. Having Lan by her side was enough.

But she couldn't fool her thoughts. Those traitorous thoughts kept thinking about what if she crossed the line? What if she asked for more? Would Lan be in for it? Or would he want to wait until Moiraine was no longer doubting herself? And then she usually chickened out before she could ask one of those questions.

It was one of those nights when Moiraine's thoughts ran wild again. She had a warm and relaxing bath to loosen her muscles. Now, she wore her thin nightgown and brushed her hair. A memory appeared before her eyes. Lan, kissing her softly while opening her gown slowly. The fabric slipped off her shoulders and down her body until it hit the floor without making a sound. Lan's warm hands moved tenderly over her exposed skin…

Growling, the Aes Sedai pulled the brush harder through her hair than necessary. Why couldn't those memories stop? She didn't want to see all that!

Suddenly, the door closed with a bang, making Moiraine wince. Lan had entered the room without her noticing it, but he didn't look like he was aware of her feelings. No, he seemed pissed, actually.

"Forgive me," he said, apologizing. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Frowning, the Aes Sedai put the brush down. She always found it easier to focus on Lan than on her feelings. "You're upset. What happened?"

Lan opened his mouth, then sighed and shook his head. "Just something I have to deal with in the morning." He started to undress, but his thoughts were still running.

Moiraine gave him a moment, then walked over to him. She let her hands wander over his naked back, tracing the old scars on his skin, before trying again. Softly, she said, "Maybe I can help."

The uncrowned king of Malkier shivered, then relaxed under her touch. Smiling, he faced her. He placed a finger under the Cairhien woman's chin, lifted it, and pressed a sweet kiss on her lips. "You're wonderful."

"Compliments won't distract me as sweet as they are."

Chuckling, Lan stole another kiss from her. "Sometimes, I forget how clever you are." Sighing, he continued to undress. "It's about my meeting with Lord Agelmar."

"What does he want?"

"It's not really about what he wants. It's about our army fighting against the Blight."

"What about it?"

"Our men are dying and need help against the Shadowspawn."

Moiraine had to turn her eyes toward the window when Lan dropped the last piece of clothes. He didn't force himself on her but also didn't bother about her seeing him naked. Her cheeks started to burn. She should step outside until he was done. Yet, her eyes returned to his naked butt. Blood and ashes! That man was handsome! Why had she never thought about bedding him earlier?

"So, what is the plan?" Moiraine asked while letting her eyes move over Lan's naked form. She would use his distraction to look at him closely. How many times had she grabbed his butt?

Another memory appeared. Lan, placing her gently on the bed. He pushed her legs apart and entered her with…

Blinking, the Aes Sedai shook her head. Why couldn't she stop thinking about that stuff?! Her behavior was highly inappropriate!

It was then that she realized Lan hadn't answered. The man had stopped moving at all. Only his hands opened and closed like he tried to control his anger. What was going on? He hadn't felt her longing, had he? "Lan?"

She almost tore her eyes away when the man suddenly turned halfway around, presenting himself in full glory. After taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly, she moved her eyes up to his face without pulling a face. What was he doing to her?!

"I have to go." His voice was quiet, and he grimaced in displeasure.

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead, then closed the distance. "What do you mean? Where do you have to go?"

"I have to join our men at the Blight."

Silence filled the room while Moiraine tried to process the words. Lan. Army. The Blight. An old memory from over twenty years ago came to her mind. A young Lan Mandragoran, ready to give his life in his battle against the Blight. Bonding him as her Warder had stopped him from running to his certain death. And now, he wanted to go there?

"No." Surprised, the Aes Sedai noticed her answer was a growl. Anger filled her veins, and she felt her protective instinct setting in. She wouldn't lose him to the Blight.

"Moiraine-"

"You can't go there. You would get yourself killed if it saves one more life."

"Our men need me."

"Send someone else."

"There is no one. I have to go." The Malkieri closed the distance and cupped her face in his hands. "Trust me, I would take it if there was another possibility. The thought of leaving you here…" He pulled their heads together until their foreheads connected. "I don't want to leave you. But we ran out of options. I have to go."

Moiraine's body reacted on instinct, melting against him while her hands touched his muscular chest. Although he wore no clothes, his skin felt warm under her hands. Or was it her who felt cold because of his announcement? "I'm coming with you."

Lan stiffened at her words. "No." This time, it was him who growled.

"If you fight against Shadowspawn, I will help you."

"You stay here where-"

"You're my husband and Warder. We fight together like we did in the past." Angrily, the Malkieri tried to step away, but the Cairhien woman stopped him by pulling him back to her. "This is not up for debate."

Another growl left Lan's throat. "You're still recovering from that attack."

"I got healed – several times."

"It doesn't mean you should jump right into the next fight."

"I'm coming with you."

Anger filled the bond, though Lan did his best not to show it on his face. He didn't like her intention. "Moiraine, please. There is no reason-"

"I won't allow you to kill yourself. As long as I'm with you, you won't do anything stupid."

"Says the woman who left me behind to visit a tree." No, Lan was still not over her riding excursion.

Moiraine sighed and finally let go of him. "That was totally different. I didn't try to kill myself."

The uncrowned king of Malkier slipped one arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. Their breaths mingled, and the Cairhien woman could almost taste him on her lips. Quietly, the Malkieri responded, "Yet you tried to leave me."

"I didn't try to leave you. I was searching for answers." Would he stop her if she leaned forward? Moiraine wished Lan would press his lips on hers. Her heart was beating faster, and her breaths had turned shallow.

"Those answers knocked you out twice. I never wanted that."

Instead of kissing her, the Warder released the Aes Sedai and stepped toward the bed, putting on his pants for the night. A frustrated sigh escaped Moiraine's lips, then she moved her hands over her nightgown to get rid of the wrinkles.

"Anyway, I don't change my mind. I'm coming with you."

Lan growled, but Moiraine ignored it. Knowing he was glaring at her, the woman of the Blue Ajah moved toward her side of the bed with her head held up high, then slipped under the blanket.

"If you believe I will simply accept your answer, then you-"

"Blow out the candles before you come to bed, will you?"

"I'm not done-"

"Good night, Lan."

Moiraine turned her back on the man on purpose and closed her eyes. She didn't want to see him glaring at her. His disapproval was palpable through the bond.

The mattress vibrated when something hit it – probably his fist – then Lan left to blow out the candles. Once he returned, he slipped under the blanket, spooning her and wrapping his arm around her waist. His hot breath tickled her ear when he whispered, "We're not done yet."

Calmly, the Aes Sedai pretended not to hear him. In her eyes, there was nothing else to discuss. If Lan had to go, she would go with him. Simple as that.

Apparently, things weren't simple in Lan's eyes. In the morning, he continued to argue with Moiraine, who pretended to be deaf. Nothing he said moved her or made her sweat. She had made up her mind, and he wouldn't change it.

When Alanna and her Warders joined them for breakfast, Lan was quickly outnumbered. The Green Sister decided to join the fight once Moiraine announced she would go with her husband. Lan looked like he wanted to explode. Moiraine assumed he had hoped Alanna would try to talk some sense into her friend instead of joining.

Later that day, Lan had a meeting with Lord Agelmar, and the two Aes Sedai entered the meeting without an invitation to announce their help. The lord was delighted and thanked them for their assistance, while the Malkieri looked like he wanted to strangle the other man. At least he stopped arguing.

After three more days, everything was prepared for their departure. Aldieb and Mandarb were saddled and seemed happy about their journey. The two horses must have had a quiet life at the stable except for their ride to the tree. It had to be boring after being on the road for twenty years.

But they weren't riding alone. Lord Agelmar had found fifty more men to join them in their fight against the Blight. It wasn't much, but they needed every helping hand they could get.

Proud, Moiraine watched Lan thanking the men for their service while reminding them about the importance of their mission. He was a king, born to be a leader. She doubted she could've been as good as he was if her family had succeeded in putting her on the Sun Throne.

The ride toward the Blight was silent, except for Alanna's chatting attempt. Moiraine didn't know what to say and left the talking to her friend. Besides, she had to deal with Lan's anger. The feelings of the man were still bubbling through the bond. He wasn't in the least happy about Moiraine's company. Yet, he stayed close to her, eyeing everything suspiciously.

It was a relief when they finally reached the camp of Lan's army, which lay only a few miles away from the Blight. The men were more than delighted when they realized no other than the uncrowned king of Malkier himself had come to join them in their fight against the Shadowspawn. It gave them hope.

The new men left to get their instructions. Someone took care of the horses while a man called Bryon led them toward the biggest tent in the camp. He was the captain-general while Lan was gone, and the tent was used to talk about their battle strategies.

Moiraine stayed in the background while Lan took his place at the table. All the attendant men gathered around the piece of furniture, starting to inform Lan about everything that had happened since their last report. The uncrowned king of Malkier listened, then introduced Moiraine, Alanna, Ihvon, and Maksim.

Lan's generals couldn't stop staring. Their mouths stood wide open while they stared at the two Aes Sedai. They all knew the White Tower didn't send sisters for help, so their appearance was… too good to be true.

The woman of the Blue Ajah expected someone to joke about the Malkieri bringing his wife, but instead, the men focused on Alanna. Those men knew about the Green Ajah being the Battle Ajah and were thrilled to have a Green among them. They begged her to look at their strategies and asked for her opinion. Alanna – who loved the attention – helped happily.

At some point, Lan decided to take a round through the camp so his men would see him and find new hope. Moiraine offered to join him, but he declined. Talking to the men would take a while, and he wanted Moiraine to rest. Maksim offered to watch over the Cairhien woman while Lan was gone.

Walking with Alanna and her Warders through the camp felt weird, knowing Maksim was watching her back instead of Lan. They aimed for two tents, which the captain-general had given them.

Immediately, the woman from Arafel checked out the small bed, joking that there wasn't enough room for all three of them, and asked if Moiraine thought about cheering up her husband by warming him that night.

Moiraine left, satisfied when she heard her friend calling after her to stay since Maksim was shadowing her. After such a comment, Alanna deserved to be separated from one of her Warders.

Of course, Maksim wasn't happy about it either. He tried several times to make the Cairhien woman turn around, but nothing worked. Moiraine refused to go back. She wasn't tired and would probably start strangling Alanna if she had to listen to more jokes about her non-existent sex life.

Moiraine's feet carried her through the camp. She looked at the men, who looked tired and exhausted. Some showed their hopelessness openly on their faces. Many were injured, some heavier than others.

There was a tent with the deadly injured ones. Men who had been cut by a Trolloc or Myrddraal blade. The black veins on their bodies…

Although Lan would highly disapprove of her action, Moiraine decided to use her abilities to heal the injured. Every man who could help them fight against the Dark One's army was a step closer to defeating the enemy.

Maksim tried once to stop her, then stepped aside and helped silently.

Soon, other men came. News traveled fast, and Moiraine hadn't expected her actions to go unnoticed. The men asked for healing, but she sent them away after looking at them. Their injuries weren't life-threatening, nor would they keep them from fighting. No, she focused on those who would die without her treatment.

She decided to stop when she could barely keep her eyes open. A part of her was surprised that Lan hadn't appeared by now to drag her out of there, but he was probably busy talking to his men. It was necessary to cheer them up so they would continue to fight.

Maksim wanted to return to their tents, but Moiraine's eyes fell on the Blight. The deformed trees whispered to her, drawing her toward them, and her feet responded. Alanna's Warder needed a moment before he noticed she had left his side. She heard him calling her name, but he sounded so far away. Her eyes were locked on the Blight, and she couldn't stop. There was something about it…

An image appeared before her eyes. The Blight. Rand. They were moving, finding a way through the rotten trees. The Seven Towers of Malkier, lost to the Blight. The Eye of the World. Ishamael, the father of lies. Shielding. The hollow feeling after being cut from-

"Don't touch it."

A hand touched her arm, pulling her back to her body. Blinking, Moiraine took in her surroundings. Lan was there, stopping her outstretched arm from touching one of the rotten trees. How was it that she hadn't noticed him?

"Light, she is fast." Maksim panted when he reached them. "How do you keep up with her, Lan?"

A smile appeared on Lan's lips. "Thank you for watching over her, Maksim. I take it from here."

Alanna's Warder sighed in relief. "Good luck, my friend."

Lan chuckled, then pulled Moiraine in his arms with her back against his chest. This way, she moved even further from the trees. "You used a lot of Saidar."

"The men were dying. Now, they have a chance." The Aes Sedai shivered. She couldn't shake that awful feeling of being shielded. It had been a memory of a dream… or wasn't it? Her brain started to think again.

Lan and the others had done their best to help her with that life. And Moiraine hadn't been able to find a way out of that world, no matter where she looked or what she was doing. As a result, it could only mean that Lan and the others were right. There was no other world, and she simply remembered a terrible nightmare of hers.

But why did it feel so real? Why could her body remember the pain of being shielded for months? A nightmare shouldn't be so… vivid.

"Moiraine." Lan's hot breath tickled her ear. "What is it?"

The split tree had returned the Aes Sedai's memories, yet sometimes, she still found herself not remembering something. Maybe the shielding was a part of it?

"I've never been inside the Blight, right?"

"Of course not. The only ones entering the Blight are foolish boys trying to prove themselves. The Blight is dangerous and not a place for you."

The Eye of the World. Ishamael. Getting shielded.

Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah shook her head. She shouldn't think about that nightmare. It wasn't good for her. "I'm tired. Can we return to the tent?"

"Absolutely." The uncrowned king of Malkier released her from his embrace. One arm he wrapped around her waist while the other hand took her arm to steady her, then he led her away from the Blight.

Moiraine looked back to the trees. It wasn't real. She had never been to the Blight. It had been a nightmare that still haunted her sometimes. Right?

Chapter Text

Moiraine awoke the next day from the sound of yelling voices. She and Lan had somehow managed to fit into that small bed with Lan spooning her. How did Alanna and her Warders manage? Surely, they hadn’t tried to fit in.

“Are you out of your mind?! I said on the left! – The left side! Not the right side!”

“Ignore them,” Lan murmured, pulling her closer to him and burying his nose in her dark locks.

“It sounds like everyone prepares for battle.”

“Hmm,” the Malkieri hummed, agreeing. “We want to surprise the Shadowspawn.”

“And when were you planning on telling me?”

“I tell you now, don’t I?”

“Lan.” Sighing, Moiraine pushed back the blanket, trying to get up, but her Warder had different plans. Quickly, he threw his leg over hers, keeping her from moving.  “Lan!”

“We still have time.”

“You men may not need a lot of time to prepare yourself, but I like to wash myself before we fight against the Dark One’s army.”

But no matter what she did, the uncrowned king of Malkier didn’t let go. Actually, it seemed like he tightened his grip on her.

“You always look beautiful in my eyes.”

“Well, thank you, yet I still wish to wash myself. I won’t face the Trollocs like this.”

In response, Lan growled angrily. “I still wish you would return to Fal Dara.”

Finally, the Cairhien woman was able to free herself from his embrace, getting on her feet. “We talked about this. I’m your Aes Sedai and wife. We’ve fought together for over twenty years, and I won’t start now to let you fight your battles alone.”

A small water basin was everything they had to clean themselves. Moiraine heated the water with Saidar, then let the nightgown drop to the ground. The air in the tent was cold, and she shivered for a moment before using the Aes Sedai trick to ignore the cold.

When she started to rub the wet cloth over her arms, she felt a spike of longing through the bond. Surprised, she followed the emotion and realized it came from Lan. What was he thinking about that made him-?

Moiraine froze, letting her eyes wander down over her naked front. Blood and ashes! What had she been thinking?! She had dropped her nightgown in front of Lan! There was no need to turn around to check if she was the reason for his arousal. She could almost feel his eyes on her back.

“Now, that’s a sight I haven’t been blessed with for weeks.”

For a heartbeat, the woman of the Blue Ajah thought about covering herself, then decided against it. Lan was her husband, for light’s sake! And before that, he had been her Warder. That man knew every inch of her body. She shouldn’t feel uncomfortable with him staring at her. In their early days, it took her years to undress or bathe in front of Lan’s eyes. But she wasn’t that prudish Cairhien girl anymore.

After taking a deep breath, Moiraine continued to clean herself. Lan reacted like every other husband would after seeing his wife in her naked glory. “Well, that happens when you spend more time in your study than with your wife.” Shocked, she bit her own tongue. Had she just given Lan permission to bed her? Even in her ears, her words had sounded like a challenge. Blood and ashes! What had she done?!

“So, you say I haven’t been attentive enough the last weeks?”

The bed creaked, then the Aes Sedai felt her Warder’s presence in her back. She forced herself not to move away or to throw the washcloth at him. After all, it had been her comment that had lured him toward her.

Yet, she couldn’t stop her body from reacting to his longing. Her own arousal was rising, and she felt her core pulsing. Light! They were surrounded by an army! This was hardly the place to think about… pleasuring each other!

Lan’s fingers moved tenderly over Moiraine’s arms, sending a chill down her spine. “In that case, I have to make up for my… inattentiveness.” His fingers closed around the washcloth. “Allow me to help you with that.”

“I can do this myself.” Moiraine’s voice sounded like she was out of breath, and she also felt like she couldn’t breathe normally with him standing so close to her. Pull yourself together, Moiraine!

“It is my duty as your husband to take excellent care of you.” Lan pulled her long hair aside to reveal her throat, then pressed a kiss on her wild, beating pulse. “Allow me to see to my duties.”

Fluttering, the Aes Sedai’s eyes closed, and her fingers released the washcloth. Surely, Lan wouldn’t… Moiraine gasped when Lan’s lips touched the back of her hand. He washed her arm but then left a trail of kisses from her hand to her shoulder. This was not good!

He continued with her back and her other arm. Even her armpits got cleaned. After that, the uncrowned king of Malkier took her arm and turned her around. Hunger shimmered in Lan’s eyes when he took her in. His breath accelerated, and if that was no sign of his longing, the quickly growing tent of his pants spoke volumes.

“You’re cold.” Lan licked his lips when he noticed her hard nipples.

Moiraine almost chuckled. Cold. As if her nipples were hard because of the temperature. Blushing, she reached for the wet cloth. “In that case, I should better finish quickly before I catch a cold. In the meantime, you can get dressed. Your captain-general will probably search for you soon.”

But Lan kept the fabric out of her reach. “I insist on finishing what I started.”

“Technically, I started to clean myself. You simply took over.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier closed the distance, bringing his face close to hers and letting his hot breath move over her lips. “And I wish to finish.”

His free hand found its way to her small back, pulling her flat against him so her nipples rubbed over his chest. Moiraine gasped, trying hard to suppress a moan. This was highly inappropriate! She should stop the man before the situation escalated!

But before one word could leave her lips, her Warder had captured her mouth with his own. All those weeks, she had pushed him away – kept him at a distance – because she had been scared of crossing the line. And although some of her memories had returned, and she remembered bedding Lan countless times, she was still scared about doing it. What if it felt different? What if Lan didn’t want her anymore? She didn’t want to disappoint him.

The Malkieri’s kisses moved to her throat. At the same time, the man created some space between their bodies, letting the cloth move over her chest.

“Lan.” Light, her voice sounded breathless! But she had to end that! “We can’t- Oh.”

The cloth had reached her breasts, and sparks rushed through her body when it got in touch with her hard nipples. That wasn’t good!

Carefully, her Warder led her backward until her butt met the small table with the water basin. Surely, he wouldn’t…

“You smell wonderful.” Lan continued his examination by leaving a trail of kisses down to her breasts. “I missed touching you.”

“Lan, we shouldn’t… this isn’t the right moment to-“

Another kiss silenced her while Lan’s hand moved deeper. “I want to hear those little sounds you make when I’m bringing you pleasure,” he whispered.

Little sounds? Dear light. That man truly wished to give her an orgasm! Anyone could enter at any moment, catching them in the act. And the walls of the tent weren’t soundproof. Everyone around them would know what they were doing. Blood and ashes! Alanna would never stop teasing her for the next month!

“No, Lan. The tent… there is no shield….”

“I don’t care.” The washcloth disappeared between Moiraine’s legs, and she shivered. She was already wet! “Let them hear that I take good care of my beautiful wife.”

Slowly, he moved the fabric over her most intimate part, and Moiraine realized she spread her legs further to give him better access. What was she doing?! For weeks, she had avoided to let him too close to her and did her best not to encourage him in any way. And now, she did that! “This isn’t the time to think about pleas- ah!”

Lan’s fingers had parted her vulva, finding her wet entrance with ease and pushing in a finger. He smiled against her throat when he heard her gasp.

“That’s it.”

“Lan.” Moiraine wasn’t sure what she actually wanted him to do. Her body was clearly betraying her, welcoming his actions and reacting properly.

“Stop thinking, my love. Allow me to take care of you.” He added a second finger, pumping slowly in and out of her.

The squishing sound of her body made Moiraine blush. Her body enjoyed the treatment way too much. “The army… your men… could come in.”

“Forget them. They can wait a few more minutes.”

Lan leaned down and took a nipple in his hot mouth. Damn him and his tongue! “The Shadowspawn… the attack.” The Aes Sedai’s fingers moved into her Warder’s hair, holding him close to her breast. He was so good at that!

“My men won’t start without me, so we have time.”

“What if they… ah.”

“Light, woman.” Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier lifted his head, nudging her nose gently with his. “Are you done finding excuses? I’m trying to work here.”

His fingers had stopped, giving the Cairhien woman the chance to think clearly again. What they were doing was a mistake! They could think about pleasure once they were back in Fal Dara – in their bedroom! – where no one could disturb – or hear! – them.

Breathing heavily, Moiraine placed a hand on his chest. “This is not the right time to do this, Lan. Your men wait for you, and Alanna will surely wonder what we did in here if I don’t show up soon.”

Smiling, Lan tilted his head. “And what do you want, Moiraine?” When she furrowed her forehead in confusion, he moved his thumb over her clit, making her whimper. His lips found hers in a sweet kiss, then he asked in a seductive voice, “Do you want me to stop doing this?”

Moiraine gasped when his thumb continued to strike her little pearl. Light, her legs were trembling! “The army….”

“Not an answer to my question,” Lan responded. “Do you want me to stop?”

Burn him to ashes! That insufferable man could feel her longing and arousal through the bond. She was so wet that it flowed down her legs, and the sounds her body made… no one who looked at her now would say she didn’t like Lan’s attention.

“No, but-“

“Good.” Lan didn’t let her finish. His fingers picked up the pace, turning her thoughts into a mess. “And since you’re still able to form words, I have to double my efforts. I don’t want you to think about anything else but me and the pleasure I’m giving you.”

The washcloth landed on the table beside Moiraine. Before the woman of the Blue Ajah could say anything, the man from the Borderlands went to his knees. With wide eyes, she watched him placing his shoulder under her left leg to lift it from the ground.

“Brace yourself on the table, my love.”

“Lan, don’t-“

But he wasn’t even listening. Squeaking, the Aes Sedai grabbed the table when her Warder grabbed her other leg and threw it over his other shoulder. Her butt was barely sitting on the table! This was not a safe spot to do something like that!

Yet, the Malkieri seemed to think of it as safe because his tongue didn’t wait long to get in touch with her most intimate part. A moan escaped Moiraine’s lips when he started to lick her clit while his fingers began to move again. Blood and ashes!

Carefully, she tried to pull back her hips, but Lan’s free hand grabbed her butt and held her close to his mouth. He wouldn’t let her escape.

“Lan.”

He hummed against her, knowing very well what those vibrations were doing to her. They had to… Moiraine’s brain went blank when the man started to suck on her clit. Panting, she brought her hips closer to his face, relishing the pleasure that was building inside of her. It had been such a long time since her last climax.

Soon, Moiraine had forgotten about the tent, the army, and why they were there. All that was important now were Lan’s tongue and fingers working on her. She couldn’t stop the moans or the small whimpers from escaping her lips, and they seemed to encourage her Warder in his doing.

“Lan.” Light, she was close. Her orgasm was building up fast.

“Say it again.”

“Lan.”

“Again.”

“Lan!”

Smiling, he drew circles around her clit. When Moiraine lowered her eyes, she saw he was watching her. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice was thick with lust. “I want you to look at me while you climax.”

Moiraine blushed. She should look him in the eye while he brought pleasure to her? “Lan, I-“

“Come for me, Moiraine.”

His hot mouth closed around her clit, coaxing another moan from her. The Aes Sedai felt embarrassed that he watched her so intently but was unable to turn her eyes away. Lan knew she was close and quickened his pace once more.

“Lan.” Her walls were already closing around his fingers. “Lan.” He sucked harder on her sensitive pearl. “Lan!” Finally, the combination of his mouth and fingers sent her over the edge. “Lan!”

Her thighs closed around his head, but he never stopped. His fingers and mouth kept working on her while her body shook from the aftermath of her incredible orgasm.

Carefully, he slowed his actions, allowing her to calm down until the tight grip on his head loosened. Lan helped her to place her feet back on the ground, then had to steady her because her feet threatened to give way. Her entire body tingled from that climax.

Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier wrapped the Cairhien woman in his arms, pressing her against his chest. “Light, I missed tasting you.” He pressed his lips on hers sweetly.

This time, Moiraine returned the kiss, enjoying the taste of herself on his lips. She hadn’t known how much she had needed that release. “Thank you,” she whispered, then pulled at his ear. “You played a dangerous game. Anyone could’ve entered at any time, catching us in this compromised situation.”

“No one would have entered while you made those wonderful cute sounds, my love.”

Moiraine felt her cheeks burning again. Burn that man! He knew how to embarrass her. Before she could give him an appropriate answer, the flap of the entrance was opened. “My Lord?”

Bryon, the captain-general, had entered without a warning. Luckily, Lan acted quickly and positioned himself before Moiraine. He was big enough to cover her entirely from Bryon’s gaze, yet the Aes Sedai pressed herself flat against her Warder’s back. If Bryon decided to take a walk through the tent…

Anger and embarrassment fought for the upper hand before she finally sent her anger through the bond. She had warned Lan that someone could enter, and now, it had happened. Lan, on the other hand, found the situation amusing and allowed her to feel it through the bond.

Her nightgown lay at her feet, but Moiraine didn’t dare to pick it up. Cursing, she closed her eyes and hoped the man would leave soon.

“Good morning, captain-general,” Lan greeted the man. “What’s the rush?”

Bryon bowed formally. “Forgive me my intrusion, my Lord. It’s the Shadowspawn. They’re moving.”

“Blood and ashes!” Immediately, all amusement had faded. When Lan dared to move, Moiraine dug her nails into his back, reminding him she was still there. “Give me five minutes, then I’ll be there.”

“Yes, my Lord.” Bryon bowed again, then left the tent.

“So much for surprising the Shadowspawn,” Moiraine said while picking up her nightgown. “I told you we shouldn’t have wasted time with such nonsense.”

She wanted to reach for her clothes, but Lan was faster. He grabbed her wrist and spun her around, then reached between her legs. Moiraine gasped when he moved his thumb over her sensitive clit. “This,” he whispered against her lips. “Is never a waste of my time. Understood?”

Panting, the Cairhien woman nodded. Lan leaned in on her and kissed her harshly. Fear grabbed Moiraine’s heart. That wasn’t a sweet kiss. It was the kind of kiss someone used who imagined to die soon.

Shocked, the Aes Sedai pushed her Warder off her. The look in Lan’s eyes told her he truly believed he would not survive that attack. “Lan-“

“Get dressed. We have to act quickly now if we don’t want the Shadowspawn to slaughter us all.”

And with that, he turned and picked up his own clothes. Playtime was over. Now, it was time to go into battle.

Chapter Text

The camp was in an uproar. Everyone knew about the Shadowspawn and prepared quickly for battle by gathering their weapons and finding their position in the group. Instead of searching for the battle, it had found them.

Lan and Moiraine went straight to the tent from the day before, where Bryon was waiting with the other generals. Even Alanna and her Warders were already there. They all stared at the Blight like they could see the Shadowspawn from there.

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't wait for them to notice him. He needed information. "Bryon. Any news on the Dark One's army?"

"They use the Blight to hide, but we know they are there. I'd say they wait for the command to attack, or they wait for someone. No matter what it is, we can't surprise them anymore."

You are a pretty little one. Under other circumstances I would keep you, but you have a role to play still. We need you to keep that husband of yours busy.

But I think he has more important things to do than following me.

The memory of the black-haired woman hit Moiraine, and she swayed. We need you to keep that husband of yours busy. That woman had attacked her because she wanted Lan to be distracted. While he had worried about her, he hadn't been able to focus on the fight against the Shadowspawn.

"Moiraine?" Lan steadied her, brushing a loose lock out of her face. "Are you alright?"

Alanna narrowed her eyes at her friend, then stepped closer like she was ready to use a healing weave if needed.

Moiraine shook her head. The last thing she needed was Lan or Alanna worrying about her and sending her back to Fal Dara because they believed she wasn't strong enough. No. Lan needed to know about the reason why that stranger had attacked her.

Quickly, the Aes Sedai stepped before her Warder. "I just remembered something that woman told me when she attacked me."

Immediately, Lan cupped her face in his hands. "Moiraine. Maybe you should return to Fal Dara. It's not a shame if you're not-"

"She knew who I was."

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. "What do you mean with 'she knew'?"

"I didn't give her my name, yet she knew I'm your wife. And she told me that they needed me to keep you busy."

"They? Who are they?"

Moiraine shrugged her shoulder. "I don't know. She didn't say, and I didn't have time to ask." She placed her hand on his chest. "What if this is why they needed you distracted? What if they didn't want you to focus on the fight against the Shadowspawn?"

Lan thought about her words for a heartbeat, then shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Wherever they wanted me to be, I'm here now. That woman didn't succeed in keeping me from the battle."

"Lan-"

But the Malkieri had already turned toward his generals. "We need to act quickly now. Are the men ready?"

"Waiting for you to lead them, my Lord," Bryon said.

"Good. Let's move."

Without another word, the uncrowned king of Malkier left the tent, followed by his generals. Moiraine and Alanna left once the men were gone.

The horses had been prepared, and the generals didn't waste time. Apparently, they all had received their orders yesterday. Lan checked on Mandarb's saddle when Moiraine caught up with him. She couldn't see Aldieb or Alanna's horse, which worried her.

"What is the plan?"

Lan released a heavy sigh, then turned toward her. His eyes were sad and begged her for forgiveness. Fear grabbed Moiraine's heart again, and it suddenly became hard to breathe.

"What did you do?"

"We only have you and Alanna with us. Protecting you two is extremely important so our men have the slightest chance to survive."

"What did you do, Lan?" Moiraine didn't like what he was saying. How did he plan on protecting them? When her Warder stepped toward her, the Aes Sedai stumbled backward. She didn't want to be calmed. She wanted answers.

Nervously, Lan licked his lips. Someone yelled some orders, but Moiraine couldn't focus on them. "You and Alanna stay here, behind the army. You will be able to see and help us, but far away from the actual battle, so no Shadowspawn will be able to touch you."

Moiraine's eyes fell on Mandarb. Mandarb, not Aldieb. Lan would ride into battle while he wanted her to stay behind. "I'll go with you."

"No."

"We fight together."

"You won't go near the battle. We need you alive, Moiraine."

"Bloody bastard!" Angry, the Aes Sedai gave him a push against the chest, which didn't do anything. The man was too big to be moved by her. "I will not stay behind!"

Suddenly, someone grabbed her collar and pulled her away from Lan. Moiraine stumbled but managed to stay on her feet. The hot breath at the back of her neck told her that Mandarb had come to his owner's help.

"Let go of me, Mandarb!"

"Easy, boy," Lan tried to calm his stallion. "Let her go."

Mandarb snorted but obeyed ultimately. Moiraine glared at the four-legged companion, then Lan wrapped her in his arms.

"Don't."

"Moiraine, please. You and Alanna are our biggest chance to win against the Shadowspawn today."

"You tricked me."

"My Lord." Bryon appeared. He must have noticed that Lan was still missing. "The Trollocs leave the Blight. We need you now."

Growling, Lan placed his forehead against Moiraine's. "I'll be there in a moment, Bryon."

"The Trollocs-"

"I heard you, Bryon!"

"Of course, my Lord." The captain-general didn't sound like he was happy with Lan's decision but turned his horse around and left.

Lan grabbed Moiraine's long dark hair to keep her close to him. "I need you to live."

"You're my Warder. We fight together."

"And we still do. We're just not in the same place."

Moiraine wanted to scream and punch him. That was not how they were supposed to fight! They didn't fight in different places!

"Lan." Ihvon appeared in Moiraine's back. "I promise I will protect Moiraine as if she is my bonded Aes Sedai. No harm will come to her while I still have breath in my lungs and arrows in my quiver."

"Thank you, Ihvon."

When the Malkieri released the Cairhien woman, she grabbed his tunic to keep him in place. "I did not agree to this."

"Please, my love," Lan whispered. "There is no other way to ensure our survival."

"You could let me come with you."

"The White Tower won't send other Aes Sedai to help us. This is our only chance to hit the Shadowspawn hard so we can push them back further without losing everyone here. We can't risk losing you."

Moiraine wanted to tell him that he was wrong – that there was another way. But the First Oath tied her tongue. Those men had a better chance of surviving the battle with her and Alanna's help.

Tears filled her eyes. She couldn't lose him! Her body reacted instinctively, and she pressed her lips hard on his. She hadn't intended for it to be a devastating kiss but couldn't stop herself. When they broke apart – both gasping for air – she tightened her grip on his tunic.

"You have no permission to die, a'Lan Mandragoran. Do you hear me?"

A smile appeared on Lan's face, and he gave her a soft kiss. "I hear you, my love. I hear you."

Heavy-heartedly, the Cairhien woman watched how the Malkieri stepped back, then mounted Mandarb and turned him toward the waiting army.

Moiraine tried to follow him, but someone stopped her, intertwining their fingers to keep her from leaving. Alanna had approached her silently. Sadness stood in her eyes. She understood how hard it was for Moiraine to let Lan go.

"Come, sister. Let's find the perfect spot for us to help those men."

Maksim and Ihvon took the lead, searching the area for said spot that would give them a good view and keep them secure at the same time.

Anxiously, the woman of the Blue Ajah watched the Malkieri's back. Standing in the first row before his man, he was easy to spot on Mandarb's back. Bryon was only a step behind him with his horse.

Lan's army waited patiently while more and more Trollocs stepped out of the Blight. How many more were hidden by the rotten trees?

"So, you finally allowed Lan to touch you?"

Blinking, Moiraine turned toward Alanna. "What?" She hadn't listened to Alanna's words. Her attention lay on her Warder.

"You know," the Green Sister responded with a lewd smile on her lips. "Earlier? In your tent?"

"What's about it?"

"Well, it was hard to ignore those cute little noises coming from inside. And I believe… I heard Lan's name quite a few times." Alanna chuckled when Moiraine started to blush. "No need to be embarrassed, sister. I'm glad you finally gave him permission to see to your needs."

Blood and ashes! Moiraine wished the earth would open beneath her and swallow her. She had feared someone could've heard how Lan pleasured her, and of course, Alanna – of all people – had noticed what they had been doing.

"Do you really think this is the right moment to talk about such nonsense?"

Alanna shrugged her shoulder. "Now is as good as any time. Besides, who knows when I will have the chance to tease you like that again?"

"Alanna!" Moiraine hissed angrily. "Focus."

The woman of the Blue Ajah turned her eyes back on Lan, who turned his head toward her at that moment. Even from the distance, she could see him nod. It was time.

Luckily, the Green Sister had seen his sign too. Both women embraced the One Power simultaneously, letting Saidar fill their veins. Their first weave was simple – setting the rotten trees on fire. This way, they hoped to slow down the Shadowspawn so they wouldn't overrun Lan's army. Once they had completed the weave, they used the fires of the camp and sent it toward the Blight.

Sadly, the rotten trees weren't as dry as hoped. The flames barely licked at them before they threatened to die. So, the Aes Sedai had to use more power to let them go up in flames.

Nonetheless, the Trollocs were shocked. Those who stood close to the trees caught fire, and since they were all waiting to step outside of the Blight, the burning Trollocs set their companions on fire as well.

Immediately, Moiraine and Alanna used the additional fire to spread their weave. The plan had been to focus on the first three rows of trees, so the Trollocs would have to come in waves at Lan's army, giving them a chance to regain their strength to fight against the enemy. But what if they could give them a longer break because they took out some of the hidden creatures?

The first wave, who got through the Blight unharmed, threw one glance at the fire behind them, then hurled themselves at Lan's army. The uncrowned king of Malkier lifted his sword in the air, and his men answered with a loud battle cry. Then, they moved toward the ugly creatures in unison.

Moiraine let her weave move from tree to tree. Usually, it was hard to see anything between the trees, but the fires lightened up the darkness whenever a new creature got caught. What if she and Alanna spread the fire over the entire Blight? All Trollocs would burn, and they could turn the trees to ashes. Would they be able to reach the Seven Towers of Malkier? Or at least-

"Moiraine Sedai." Ihvon appeared beside her, touching her shoulder gently. "That's enough."

"They're burning," Moiraine responded. "We can kill them all by setting all those trees on fire. There doesn't have to be a second wave. If we continue-"

"Moiraine, stop!" Alanna's voice cut through Moiraine's words. She seemed pissed. "Let go of Saidar."

"The Trollocs-"

"We have our orders. The plan was to give the army a moment to breathe after the first wave. And that's what they will have. The Shadowspawn needs to reorganize again before they start a second attack. Now, let go."

It was hard, but finally, Moiraine was able to release the One Power. The loss hit her hard, and her feet nearly gave way. Luckily, Ihvon reacted quickly and steadied her.

"Drink this." Alanna offered her a water skin, and Moiraine took a few sips. When she handed it back, the Green Sister continued, "That was foolish."

"I saw an opportunity and-"

"You need your strength. You know very well how the bond works. You're bonded to Lan for over twenty years. The man just started to fight against Trollocs, and you endanger him by almost knocking yourself out."

Moiraine swallowed. The feeling of Saidar had made her careless. If anything happened to her… Lan would be an easy target for the Trollocs. Light! What had she been thinking?! "I forgot myself," she said quietly.

Alanna's face softened, and she squeezed her friend's hand. "You worry about Lan. But you can't lose your head like that. Not now. One wrong step could be Lan's death."

Agreeing, the Cairhien woman nodded. She swore herself not to lose her head like that again. She wouldn't be tempted by Saidar.

Silently, Moiraine watched the fight against the Trollocs. Only a few were left, and Lan and the others who had been in the first row had stepped back to take a break. A few soldiers had died, and their brothers pulled them out of the way so they wouldn't stumble over them. They would be buried later. It was a relief that they had barely lost one while almost all the Trollocs had been killed. It gave Moiraine hope that they could actually win that battle.

Once, she had exchanged a glance with Lan. The feeling of reuniting with him had been so strong that her feet had reacted subconsciously, carrying her toward him. Her escape didn't go unnoticed and was stopped shortly after she had taken a few steps. It had needed both Ihvon and Maksim to carry her back to her former position, and Lan hadn't looked at her since then. Apparently, he knew how dangerous it was to look at each other. Since then, Alanna did her best to give Moiraine unwanted advice on how to pleasure the Malkieri. Moiraine had stopped counting how many times she wished the earth would open to swallow her.

Suddenly, something moved between the smoldering trees, and Moiraine straightened. The second wave was coming. Their enemies had recovered from their previous attack.

"They're coming."

Immediately, Alanna stopped joking and her Warders were back at their sides. "Let's go for round two," the Green Sister sighed.

Anxiously, the woman of the Blue Ajah moved her fingers. This time, they couldn't burn the trees to scare away the Shadowspawn. Besides, the creatures would be more careful now since they knew about the Aes Sedai.

Voices echoed over the field. Lan and his men had noticed the Trollocs and got back in position. Hopefully, the break had been enough to help them against the new wave.

Moiraine prepared herself to embrace Saidar when someone pushed her hard, making her stumble before she went down on her knees.

"Watch out!"

Surprised, Moiraine looked back toward Ihvon. What had gotten into Alanna's-? Her eyes widened when she saw the Fade. The pale creature had its deadly sword in its hands and attacked Ihvon.

"Blood and ashes!"

The Aes Sedai turned her head toward Alanna. Maksim was also fighting against a Myrddraal, protecting a pissed Alanna. The Shadowspawn was well aware of the danger the two Aes Sedai embodied and had worked on a new strategy.

A third Myrddraal appeared behind the other, and Moiraine's vision blurred. The world moved before her eyes. Suddenly, it was night, and she was alone. The camp was gone. Instead, she lay on the ground with a nasty cut on her stomach. A Myrddraal stood over her, holding its sword in its hands with blood dripping from the blade. She tried to reach for the One Power, imagining the bud of a flower, but Saidar didn't come.

"They try to divide our focus."

Alanna's voice brought Moiraine back. Gasping, she tried to blink away the last remnants of her nightmare. Light! That was the worst moment to remember that bloody nightmare!

"Moiraine? Are you alright?" The Green Sister stepped before the Blue, helping her back to her feet.

Moiraine nodded at her sister. "Yes. Let's fight those creatures."

The sound of clashing swords echoed in her back, and Alanna grimaced. "They are clever. They attack us from both sides, knowing it is nearly impossible to cover both." Then she shook her head. "No. You focus on Lan and the army while we take care of the Myrddraals."

"You can't-"

"Lan is your Warder. You can use the One Power if his life is in danger. I can't. But I can use it against those Myrddraals since they fight against my Warders."

Moiraine hated the thought of splitting their focus but knew Alanna was right. Lan and his men needed her help, while Alanna would keep the Fades away from her. Finally, she nodded. "Be careful."

Alanna smiled and winked at her. "Am I not always?"

The Cairhien woman almost rolled her eyes at her friend – almost. When Alanna embraced the One Power to fight alongside her Warders, Moiraine turned her attention to Lan. The second wave of Trollocs had hit the army with full force. She couldn't see the Malkieri among the creatures, but the bond told her he was still alive and unharmed.

More and more Trollocs emerged out of the Blight. The second wave was definitely bigger than the first. It was time to scare those monsters again.

Saidar filled Moiraine's veins. She reached into the earth and easily found the rotten roots of the burned trees. Once she had found the right spot, she completed her weave and turned the earth between the trees into quicksand. This way, no new Trollocs could join the others. It would give the army another break to gather their strength. Hopefully, Lan's men stayed away from the Blight. She wouldn't be able to end the weave fast enough to save the soldiers.

Smiling, Moiraine heard the death screams of their enemies. The quicksand was working. Maybe Lan could push back the Trollocs toward the Blight until they fell into the deathly sand. But how could she inform him about her little trick? He would be mad if she started searching for him. But maybe he-

"Moiraine!"

Alanna's panicked scream made Moiraine swirl around. If her friend was in danger, she would-

A tall creature with pale skin and wrapped in a black cloak stood ten feet from her. It lifted its head, and a cold shiver ran over Moiraine's back when she saw the black eyes and red lips, which moved into an ugly smile. The cloak opened and turned into wings. A Draghkar!

Chapter Text

Saidar still filled Moiraine's veins, and she quickly prepared a weave against the Shadowspawn. A part of her knew it was useless, yet she couldn't just do nothing. A moment – that was all she needed. One moment to take down-

The Draghkar started to croon as soon as it saw Moiraine's movements. All strength left the woman of the Blue Ajah, and Saidar slipped her fingers. The song of the creature wrapped itself around her, dulling every feeling and pulling her toward the Shadowspawn. It didn't need to move. Its song assured its prey would come to it, waiting for the deathly kiss without putting up a fight.

A tear escaped from Moiraine's eyes. They had been tricked. Behind the Draghkar that called her toward it stood another one with its back to her, summoning Alanna. In the meantime, the remaining two Fades were still fighting against Ihvon and Maksim, keeping them from helping the two Aes Sedai. And Lan… Lan couldn't save her. He was fighting against the Trolloc army.

Pale hands, which were more like claws, lifted, eagerly waiting for her to come close enough to grab her. Moiraine couldn't help herself but imagine Lan's hands. He was always so gentle with her.

Fluttering, Moiraine closed her eyes while her feet continued their path. She didn't want to think about the Draghkar. She didn't want to think about what was going to happen to her. Once that creature pressed its lips on hers, she would be gone forever. Hopefully, her death wouldn't be the reason for Lan's death. She couldn't forgive herself if he got killed by a Trolloc because her death hit him out of nowhere.

No, she wanted to think about Lan. She wanted his face to be the last thing she would remember. Not that ugly creature. The Malkieri had worked so hard to help her through the past few weeks. He had been patient with her, though she was sure he had been at his wits' end a few times. Of course, she hadn't made it easy for him with her stubbornness, but he never gave up on her.

You have no permission to die, a'Lan Mandragoran. Do you hear me?

Light, the Cairhien woman wished they had had more time together. She wasn't ready to leave him. Not now, when she slowly started to accept her life with those weird memories that appeared now and then.

Cold hands grabbed her arms, and Moiraine opened her eyes, shivering. Her feet had reached the Draghkar. Its lips were still turned into that creepy smile, though she could see the sharp teeth now. She wasn't afraid of the teeth. The monster wouldn't bite her.

With big eyes, the Aes Sedai watched how the Draghkar lowered its head toward her. She couldn't move, or scream, or breathe. Her thoughts were the only thing that were still her own, and soon, she wouldn't be-

A blade appeared over her right shoulder, hitting the Draghkar in the chest. Before she had time to understand what that meant, the creature was pushed away from her, and Lan came into view. He was there!

As soon as the Shadowspawn stopped crooning, all strength left Moiraine, and she sank to her knees. Panting, she watched how Lan threw his dagger at the second Draghkar, hitting its throat. The crooning turned into a burble, and Moiraine saw Alanna stumbling backward. Apparently, Lan had arrived just in time to save them both.

The skinny creature that had attacked her used Lan's distraction to get rid of him. It couldn't pull out Lan's blade, but its wings hit the Malkieri in the chest, sending him flying through the air with his sword in his hands.

Moiraine's blood was boiling when she saw her Warder. Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed herself on her feet. No one hurt her Warder! Saidar returned to her, filling her veins until it felt like the air was vibrating. Quickly, her hands created a weave that held the creature in place. It would regret attacking Lan.

But once the weave was in place, the uncrowned king of Malkier was there. The Cairhien woman didn't know how he recovered so fast but was glad to see him well. He stabbed it again, driving the blade deeper until its hilt collided with the Draghkar's chest.

The Shadowspawn screamed. Gasping, Moiraine covered her ears and sank to her knees again. The sound was… deafening. Her ears were ringing, even though she covered them. It felt like an eternity until the Draghkar finally fell and turned silent.

Moiraine couldn't hear much. The sounds of the battle sounded dull. Searching, she lifted her head. Where was Lan? Was he injured? Did he need healing?

Apparently, the uncrowned king of Malkier was faster than her. While she was still unable to move, the man was already on his feet, kneeling before her the next moment. Roughly, he checked on her – her arms, legs, and body – before he ended by cupping her face in his hands.

Worry and fear washed over Moiraine. Her Warder was scared he had been too late. "Are you alright?" Lan asked. Like the battle sounds, his voice sounded dull. Her ears had still not recovered from the Draghkar's scream. "Did it… touch you?"

Exhausted, Moiraine shook her head. "You-" Her voice broke, and she had to cough. After clearing her voice, she tried again. "You appeared just in time."

The Aes Sedai saw the relief in her Warder's eyes. Nothing would've hurt him more than arriving too late to save her. "Good."

"Lan!" Ihvon appeared with an ugly cut over his chest, stumbling to his knees. "Forgive me. I promised to keep Moiraine safe, yet allowed myself to get distracted."

"Ihvon, you're injured." The uncrowned king of Malkier helped the Cairhien woman to her feet, guiding her toward the other Warder.

"It doesn't matter. I let you down."

"Don't be silly. You didn't let me down."

"Moiraine almost-"

But Lan didn't want to hear any of it. While shaking his head, he interrupted Alanna's Warder. "You fought against three Myrddraals so Moiraine could support me and my men. No one could know it was only a trick to keep you occupied. You didn't let me down, my friend." The Malkieri looked at the Cairhien woman, nodding toward the cut.

Moiraine understood immediately and embraced Saidar. Healing Ihvon was easy, though she had to be careful to take care of the poison. The Shadowspawn's weapons were all poisoned.

Once Ihvon was healed, the Aes Sedai used the weave on the Malkieri. She hadn't felt him getting injured, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Of course, Lan growled when she used Saidar on him. He didn't like whenever she used the One Power for useless things, and healing him if he wasn't dying because of an injury was a waste in his eyes.

Moiraine took care of his fatigue and strained muscles since he wasn't injured. Lan would need all his strength if he wanted to continue his fight against the Trolloc army.

"Thank you, Moiraine." Alanna joined them with Maksim at her side. Smiling, she brushed a loose strand behind her friend's ear. "How are you doing? The Draghkar… it didn't…?" The Green Sister couldn't finish the question, yet Moiraine knew exactly what she wanted to know.

Calmly, she shook her head. Her hearing came back slowly, and she wondered if Alanna needed a healing. Her Draghkar hadn't been able to scream because of Lan's dagger, but the one attacking Moiraine had been loud enough to deafen everyone nearby. "How are your ears? Do you need healing?"

"No. Mine are fine. Do you need healing?"

Moiraine opened her mouth when she got interrupted. "My Lord." Bryon had appeared. His armor was covered in black blood.

The uncrowned king of Malkier jumped to his feet, picking up his sword. He was ready to face the Trolloc army again. "How are our men doing? Can they hold back the Trollocs?"

"That's why I'm here, my Lord. The Trollocs…." The captain-general shook his head in disbelief. "At first, I thought I was dreaming, but… they're retreating."

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. Retreating? Why should the Trollocs stop attacking? Moiraine and Alanna had been distracted by the Draghkars, unable to prepare more traps for them. Why would they give up after the second wave?

Apparently, the Cairhien woman wasn't the only one who thought of it as a joke. Her companions were also confused.

"Retreating? Are you certain?" Lan wanted to know.

Bryon nodded vigorously. "I couldn't believe my eyes when they started to run from us. I even turned around to see if Moiraine Sedai and Alanna Sedai had prepared some kind of weave to scare them away, but there was nothing. I have no explanation for their reaction." Suddenly, a big smile appeared on his lips. "But whatever it was, I'm thankful for it. We won, my Lord."

"Thank the light," Alanna sighed.

Wordlessly, Lan walked closer to the battlefield to have a better look. At the same time, Moiraine pushed herself onto her feet slowly, then followed her husband.

The soldiers were cheering. Countless dead Trollocs lay on the ground. Others disappeared in Moiraine's quicksand while the rest ran for their lives. Was it really over? But why? Why were they running?

"The Myrddraals." Alanna joined Moiraine and Lan. "They must have given the orders, and since they're dead now…." She didn't have to finish her sentence.

"We won." Lan's voice was quiet and didn't sound like he actually believed it. "We won." It was a little better, but still missing confidence. Suddenly, the Warder pulled his Aes Sedai in his arms and swung her around. "We won!"

Moiraine couldn't suppress a surprised squeak. Luckily, Lan quickly placed her back on her feet, only to cup her face in his hands and kiss her hungrily. At first, the woman of the Blue Ajah thought about telling him to stop, but her body betrayed her again, melting against the man and returning the kiss. They had won and were alive!

In the following days, Lan, Moiraine, and the others helped the army to treat the injured, bury the dead, and burn the Trollocs. They also helped to take down the remains of the burned rotten trees. Because of the fire, many trees were gone, and the first ruins were freed.

Moiraine felt that Lan's heart ached through the bond when he touched the stones. He never ran through those streets as a child or hit his knees when he fell. He never met those people who had lived in those houses. Yet, it meant the world to him that they slowly freed Malkier from the Blight and the Shadowspawn.

When all the trees were gone, the soldiers continued to burn more of them. The Shadowspawn licked their wounds, and the men from the Borderlands were determined to free as much of the former city as possible.

One morning, the woman of the Blue Ajah was nibbling on a piece of bread while staring at the old ruins. It was their last day. Tomorrow, they would return to Fal Dara. All the soldiers were healed, and she and Alanna used the One Power to help burn down more trees.

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around her, and Lan pressed a kiss on her cheek. "Good morning."

"Good morning."

"I see you found something to eat?"

"Do you want some?" Smiling, Moiraine offered him some bread, but the man shook his head, hugging her even tighter and nibbling on her ear.

"No, thank you. I had a delicious breakfast in our tent." One hand moved over her right thigh. "Bread can't compare to the taste of my wife."

The Aes Sedai almost choked, and heat moved to her cheeks. "Lan!" She hissed, then checked on their surroundings quickly for eavesdroppers. "No one needs to know about that!"

Surviving the battle… well, it had changed Moiraine somehow. Maybe it was the relief of them being alive and unhurt. Maybe it was the near-death experience with the Draghkar. Or maybe… it had something to do with how good it had felt when Lan had taken care of her before the battle.

Whatever the reason was, the Aes Sedai had allowed her Warder to… take care of her again… and again… and again. At least this time, she threw a privacy shield over their tent so no one would hear them. Of course, her shield told Alanna exactly what they were doing, and she didn't stop teasing the Blue about it.

"I don't care," Lan responded while kissing her cheek. "The whole army shall know I'm a very lucky man."

"Don't you dare!"

The Malkieri chuckled at her reaction but spared her another response.

"My Lord." Bryon appeared, and Moiraine hoped he hadn't overheard their conversation. "My Lady. The men already continue with their work. Do you want me to join you for-?"

"I'd like to take my wife with me."

The captain-general seemed disappointed for a heartbeat, then had his features back under control. "I understand. In that case, I'll be with the men if you search me." He bowed formally. "My Lord." After a slight hesitation, he added, "My Lady."

"Thank you, captain-general," the uncrowned king of Malkier responded.

Moiraine watched Bryon leave before she said, "He doesn't like me."

"What makes you say that?" Lan was confused.

"He believes I distracted you, and that's the reason why the Trollocs surprised us."

Lan's laughter vibrated in his chest, and Moiraine felt it in her back. "Well, in a way, you did distract me. Once you took off your clothes, I couldn't-"

"Shut up."

Light! The heat moved from her cheeks to her ears, and Moiraine felt like they were on fire. Was it truly necessary to remind her of their little morning exercise?

"Don't worry," Lan whispered in her ear. "It's not your fault that the Trollocs surprised us. That wasn't a spontaneous attack. They wanted to surprise us."

"I know that. Yet, I should've been more persistent in stopping you. It hadn't been the right time, and-"

"It was perfect," the Malkieri interrupted her. "Or didn't you enjoy it?"

"Lan," the Cairhien woman sighed. How could he believe she hadn't enjoyed it? He felt what she felt. It was ridiculous!

"Maybe I need to refresh your memory." His hand on her thigh moved up, dangerously close to her center. "Maybe you wish to return to our tent so I can-"

"I think you refreshed my memory quite well this morning," Moiraine responded, grabbing his wandering hand to stop it from moving higher. "Once a day is enough, your highness. Don't you think?"

Lan laughed but didn't free himself. "I will never get tired of pleasuring you, my love." Then, he let go of her and offered her his hand. "Would you care to join me?"

Warily, the Aes Sedai looked at her Warder. "To do what exactly?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier smiled. "To take a walk through the freed streets of Malkier."

Surprised, Moiraine's eyes widened. She had thought Lan would want to look without her. "Are you sure? You don't want to do this alone?"

But Lan shook his head. "I want to do this with my wife."

For a second, the image of another woman appeared before Moiraine's eyes. A young woman with dark hair turned into a braid. But the image faded before the woman of the Blue Ajah could find the name.

"Moiraine?" Lan was there, cupping her face while checking her with worry in his eyes. When did he move? "Are you not feeling well? You don't have to come with me if you don't feel well. Do you want to check on Aldieb instead?"

Blinking, the last pieces of the image disappeared. "No. I'm alright."

Lan wasn't convinced. "Maybe Alanna can check on you. Or you two return to Fal Dara. When I'm done here, I'll follow you."

"I'm alright," Moiraine said, smiling. She stepped closer and pressed her lips on Lan's. "I'd like to see Malkier."

"Moiraine-"

She didn't let him finish. Instead, she freed herself and stepped closer to the ruins. "You're coming?"

Quickly, Lan stopped growling once they walked through the former gate of Malkier. The ground was plastered with stones, making it easy to walk through the streets. Windows and doors were all gone by now, and Moiraine assumed that the insides of the houses were also rotten by now. Some houses had collapsed over the years.

Heavy-heartedly, Moiraine looked at the ruins. Even if they were able to banish the Blight and resurrect Malkier, they would have to rebuild the entire city. She wondered if Lan would live that long. They had won one battle against the Dark One's army. Without more Sisters who helped the army… so many more men would die. They couldn't fight the Shadowspawn alone.

They reached a big archway that was blocked by rotten trees. Moiraine and Alanna's fire had destroyed a lot, but the Blight was strong and growing.

The uncrowned king of Malkier grimaced when he saw they couldn't go further, and anger rolled through the bond. Seeing the Blight in the streets of Malkier…

Moiraine embraced the One Power. They had one day left. Enough time to help the army with their fight against the Blight.

"Moiraine. What are you doing?"

Heat. The Aes Sedai needed fire to fight against the trees. It was hard to burn those trees. The soldiers needed hours to burn down one tree. Usually, they ripped it out, careful not to touch it.

"Moiraine, stop."

But with the One Power, it was easier. It was stronger than those trees, saving the soldiers hours. It was a shame that Siuan was too stubborn to send Aes Sedai for help. How could she still think of Moiraine as a Darkfriend when she was fighting against the Blight with Lan?

Anger rolled through the Cairhien woman when she thought about her former lover. Over twenty years, they had been united in their search for the Dragon Reborn. And one single incident turned the sweet Tairen woman, who had been her pillow-friend for so many years, into the powerful cold Amyrlin Seat, who acted like she didn't know the Blue.

"Moiraine!"

Lan's arms wrapped around her, breaking her concentration and stopping her movements. Saidar slipped from her, and Moiraine stumbled in surprise. Why had he stopped her?

"Blood and ashes," another man whispered, who stood beside them. Moiraine had no idea when he joined them. "Sometimes, I forget how powerful your wife is, Dai Shan." The man bowed before her, and Moiraine finally recognized him as Lord Ingtar. He was one of Lan's generals. "Please remind me never to upset you, my Lady. I'll prepare the men."

Lord Ingtar left, and Lan stepped before Moiraine. The worry was back in his eyes. "What were you thinking?"

Moiraine pointed at the burning trees. Why did she have to explain herself? "I used Saidar to burn the trees."

"You did way more than that. Light, Moiraine. You were burning up."

Burning up? What was he talking about? "I used fire on the trees, not on me. You must have mistaken the heat of the fire-"

Suddenly, Lan cupped her face in his hands. "I know the difference between the heat of a burning fire and the temperature of my wife's skin. And your skin was hot, like you were having a fever. I can't see weaves, but I'd say you drew too much power."

"I know Saidar and its risks. I didn't use too much."

"Really?" Lan pointed toward the archway. "Look at the stones, Moiraine."

"I burned the trees and not-"

"Look at the stones."

Sighing heavily, the Cairhien woman gave up and turned. All of a sudden, her legs felt weak, and it was only because of Lan's quick reaction that she didn't sink to her knees. The stones of the archway were deformed. It looked like they had started to… melt.

"No," Moiraine whispered. That hadn't been her, had it?

"Your fire was so strong, it started to melt the stones," Lan explained calmly.

"No."

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't argue with the Cairhien woman. Instead, he brushed a loose lock behind her ear and held her close to him.

"No," she repeated quietly, then faced him finally with tears in her eyes. "I didn't… I used fire to burn the… I don't lose control. I know when to stop."

"I know you do," the Malkieri responded. "But today, you crossed that line. Maybe you-"

"I won't leave!" Angrily, Moiraine tried to free herself, but Lan wrapped his arms around her, keeping her from leaving.

Patiently, the Warder waited until the Aes Sedai stopped fighting him, then finished his former sentence, "Maybe you shouldn't use the One Power today anymore."

"The White Tower won't send sisters any time soon. Alanna and I have to help your men as long as we're still here."

Sighing, Lan placed Moiraine's head under his chin. "Fine. But can you please stay within my reach while you channel? I'd like to be within reach in case you forget yourself again."

Moiraine didn't answer. Instead, her eyes found the deformed stones. She had lost control over Saidar. Her anger over Siuan had blinded her, and she didn't like it.

Chapter Text

Lan's POV

Up and down. Up and down. Lan's eyes were fixed on Moiraine's chest. He was scared she would stop breathing if he looked away. A few times, she almost…

Cursing, the uncrowned king of Malkier rubbed his tired eyes. What time was it? Time seemed to fly by while he was watching over the Cairhien woman. He couldn't even remember when he had eaten something for the last time. Not that he was hungry. Lan had lost his appetite days ago.

Seeing Moiraine with Lanfear had shocked him more than he could describe. It had been like his worst nightmare had become true. He couldn't even say why he had thought Lanfear would leave them alone. She was a Forsaken! – And a very powerful one!

Maybe it had been because their life had started to feel good. Somehow, it had felt nice to get up in the morning and help the citizens of Falme recover from the Seanchan attack. He had Moiraine and their bond back. He was able to spend time with Nynaeve. Of course, the Whitecloaks reminded him every day that they had to leave the city, but it had been a good time so far. No fights, no battles. No search for the Dragon Reborn. And then…

Lan remembered how the poison had burned its way through her veins. He had felt her pain before her knees had given way. Her skin had been so cold. And she hadn't even been able to say something to him. No matter how often he had called her name, she hadn't opened her eyes.

Now, her skin was pale like a ghost and hot to the touch because of the fever. Nynaeve did her best to lower it, but the fever refused to cooperate.

A few times, Moiraine had been so weak that their bond almost faded. The Malkieri had sent all his strength through the bond, hoping it would help her to stay with him – to keep fighting.

He couldn't lose her – he couldn't. He just got her back! Hadn't it been enough that they had been separated for weeks because she had misled him? Why did the wheel try to separate them again? They traveled the world together for twenty years and had been close to dying a few times, but never had it happened so often in such a short time.

Sighing, Lan took her hand and brought it to his lips. "Wake up," he whispered against her skin. "Wake up, Moiraine. I'm begging you. Don't leave me."

The Aes Sedai didn't answer. She didn't even flinch. His touch and his breath did nothing to her. Could she even hear him? Was she dreaming? Light! He hoped she had a good dream about her and Siuan being together. If Lanfear's poison made her blood boil, her mind deserved to think about a happy time to escape the pain.

Moiraine Damodred Sedai and her Warder a'Lan Mandragoran Gaidin have been identified as Darkfriends.

The question was, could Moiraine still think about Siuan without turning sad? In Cairhien, Siuan had used Moiraine's oath against her, and now, she even declared them as Darkfriends. Could Moiraine forgive her lover?

Suddenly, the uncrowned king of Malkier noticed how the Cairhien woman's presence in his mind faded. Simultaneously, the bond faded until he could barely feel her, and her chest stopped lifting.

"No!" Lan jumped to his feet and sat on the bed, bringing both of Moiraine's hands up to his heart. "Stay with me! Stay with me!" He mentally reached out for their bond, forcing all his strength through the remaining strings. Stay! Stay! Stay! he thought. Stay with me, Moiraine! Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me! I need you!

Moiraine took a deep breath, then her chest started to move again. Up and down. It wasn't much, but at least she was breathing.

Lan felt cold, and his heart was aching. Close. So close. How often would he be able to pull Moiraine back into the land of the living? When would her body give up and ignore his attempts?

Frustrated, he moved his fingers over Moiraine's cheek. Why couldn't she just open her eyes? "Come back to me," he whispered. "I need you. Please, come back to me."

A hand touched the Malkieri's shoulder, and his body reacted immediately. He turned his upper body to face the intruder while one hand reached for his daggers. Whoever had entered their house would regret-

Lan's eyes widened when he recognized Nynaeve. He hadn't heard her enter. Did she knock? Had he been too distracted with Moiraine? "Nynaeve."

"You look terrible." The Wisdom's eyes searched for the plate with his breakfast, and she growled when she saw he hadn't eaten anything. "You need to eat, or you'll collapse."

"She stopped breathing," Lan responded without mentioning his breakfast. He didn't care about himself. Moiraine was important!

Cursing, Nynaeve kneeled beside him, searching for Moiraine's pulse before she moved on to check her temperature. "The fever refuses to lower."

"What do we do next?" A cold hand grabbed Lan's heart when Nynaeve grimaced. He didn't like that reaction. He didn't like it at all. Growling, he repeated his question. "What do we do next, Nynaeve?"

"Don't snap at me!"

"Then don't grimace when I ask for a solution."

Sighing, the young woman from the Two Rivers stood up and moved to the fireplace to put the teapot over the fire. "It's just… that poison… since I don't know what it is, it is hard to help her."

"So, your solution is to give up?! You're a Wisdom! Aren't you the one who always says she can heal anything with the right herbs?"

Angrily, Nynaeve swirled around to him, pointing her finger at him. "The problem is that I don't know which herbs could help. I can't just give her some random herbs, hoping one of them is the one we need. She is not an experiment."

"She is dying!"

"I know that!" Nynaeve grabbed her braid and pulled at it. For a moment, Lan thought she would rip it off. "But I can't do much more than trying to lower her fever and make her feel comfortable. The poison works against me."

Cursing, Lan returned his eyes to Moiraine's pale face. Was the poison still in her veins? "How do we know the poison is still there? She was poisoned days ago. It should be out by now."

"And yet, the fever is as high as ever, and she hasn't woken up."

Growling, the Malkieri looked at the woman from the Two Rivers. Was it necessary to remind him about Moiraine's condition? "I know that."

Nynaeve looked like she wanted to snap at him, then took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm at my wits' end. Nothing I do is working, and…." She licked her lips nervously, then stepped closer to the bed. "We almost lost her a few times now. What if… I mean, maybe we should-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Rage filled Lan's veins, and he wanted to strangle the woman before his eyes for the first time since he knew her.

"I just want you to think about all the possibilities. She is in pain, and nothing I do helps her with that. Maybe you should consider letting her-"

"I told you not to finish that sentence."

"It's been days. How long do you want her to continue like this?"

"She is strong. She'll survive."

"Right now, she is-"

Finally, Lan lost his temper. "Help her or leave!"

Nynaeve didn't say a word, which was truly a surprise. Usually, she wasn't someone who turned silent quickly. But maybe Lan's angry stare convinced her not to keep pushing him.

"Is everything alright in here?" A male voice asked from the door.

Immediately, Lan's rage turned higher. He almost forgot about Nynaeve's new 'guards'. Carefully, he turned his face away from the door so they wouldn't see his face.

Luckily, the young woman found her voice again, stepping beside the Malkieri. "We're alright. You can leave."

"If this man is-"

"I said, leave! This man is worried about his wife but won't hurt me. Leave. He doesn't need people watching him."

There was silence for a moment, and Lan assumed Nynaeve glared at the other man before finally hearing, "We won't interfere… for now. But you better hurry up. It's getting late."

Footsteps indicated that the man left the room, but the door didn't close behind him. They never closed the door. That was the reason, why Lan and Nynaeve couldn't use names and had to be careful with their words.

"Light! I hate them!" Nynaeve murmured.

"Forget them," Lan responded as quietly, though he still didn't look at her. "They will get bored and then leave you alone. Will you help her, or do you leave?"

The Wisdom placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. "I don't mean to hurt you. But you can't keep going like this. You will collapse at one point."

"I don't matter. She does."

Cursing, Nynaeve sat beside him on the bed, pretending to check Moiraine's temperature again. "Your health is just as important, Lan," she whispered. "You're bonded to her. And when you collapse, she will feel that, won't she?"

Angrily, Lan gritted his teeth. Was Nynaeve really lecturing him about how the bond worked? "Yes."

"So, it's not a good thing when you collapse. Which means you need to eat, drink, and sleep to keep going – for her."

Again, Lan brought Moiraine's cold hand up to his mouth. "I can't sleep. What if she dies while I'm sleeping?" His voice broke, and tears filled his eyes, but he didn't care about hiding them. "I can't lose her."

Gently, the young woman placed a hand on his thigh. "I know. But I also know you don't want her to suffer. She fights against the poison for days, and her body was ready to give up a few times now."

"She is still here."

"Is she? She is not responding, no matter what we do or try. All I see is a body that wants to rest."

Finally, the uncrowned king of Malkier looked at the Wisdom again. "She is still here." The bond wouldn't be there if Moiraine's soul had left her body. Right? Her weave had connected their souls. Or were their bodies connected? No. It had to be their souls. There was no other explanation for how he could feel her emotions.

Nynaeve still didn't look convinced but nodded. "Alright. How about that? You sleep, and I keep watch."

Lan snorted and almost turned toward the door. "They don't want you to stay."

"That's their problem. You need sleep, and I'll explain to them that you only trust me to watch over her."

"They won't accept-"

"I don't give them a choice." Without another explanation, Nynaeve got up and left.

Sighing heavily, Lan focused on Moiraine. Her chest was still moving, though her breath seemed shallow. His fingers rubbed over the spot where her golden serpent ring was usually. It felt wrong that she didn't wear it.

A part of him wished the Aes Sedai would arrive in Falme to take care of the Whitecloaks. Then he could smuggle Alanna into their house to heal Moiraine. Surely, the Green Sister didn't believe the Amyrlin's announcement about them being Darkfriends and would help them escape before Moiraine's sisters could catch them.

The uncrowned king of Malkier closed his eyes and tapped into their bond, searching for Moiraine. Simultaneously, he squeezed her hand, hoping to feel something. All he wanted was a sign to know she was there. She had to feel something, right? The touch of his hand. Or maybe his presence?

But Moiraine's feelings stayed the same. Calm and cold. She didn't react to him squeezing her hand or the feeling of his lips against her fingers. It was as if she couldn't feel him at all. What was going on with her?

"All done."

Surprised, Lan looked at Nynaeve. All done? Light! What had she done?! "What are you talking about?"

"I'll stay while you get some sleep."

"They let you stay?" It was hard to believe that. Why should they allow her to stay?

"Yes."

"You convinced them to let you stay?"

"Yes."

Silence filled the room. Lan simply lifted a skeptical eyebrow to show his disbelief. Nynaeve rolled her eyes in annoyance. "What?"

"What did you do to them to convince them?"

"I did nothing except tell them what I'm doing and that it's not up for debate." The Malkieri groaned, but the Wisdom simply shrugged her shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You need to eat and drink something, and then you try to get some sleep."

"I'm not hungry."

A growl escaped Nynaeve's throat. "I'm sorry. Did it sound to you like a suggestion? In that case, allow me to rephrase. You eat and drink something, and then you sleep."

Lan watched how she stormed to the fireplace to get the boiling teapot. It was amusing to watch Nynaeve mumbling to herself in anger. He assumed she had a few insults reserved for him.

Exhausted, the Warder removed his shoes and climbed into bed beside his Aes Sedai. The bed wasn't made for two to sleep comfortably, but Lan didn't mind. He didn't need much space as long as he was close to Moiraine. His eyes closed, and he didn't fight against the sleep pulling at him this time. Nynaeve would watch over Moiraine until he was awake again.

"You can't be serious!" Nynaeve hissed. "Get up!"

"I'm tired."

"You need to eat!"

"I'm not hungry."

How long would Nynaeve try to convince him before she realized it wasn't working? Would he fall asleep while she was still growling at him?

"I brought bread and fruits for you to eat, and tea is prepared."

"Great. Then you can eat something while you watch us sleep." Was she even hearing what he said? Lan felt like he was mumbling to himself.

A hand on his shoulder shook him gently. "Come on. There isn't enough space for both of you. The beds aren't made for two people to sleep in them."

"I'll stay with her."

Was she cursing? It sounded like she was using lots of words to describe him, but Lan couldn't hear what it was. Sleep pulled heavily at him.

Suddenly, something soft was pulled over his body, covering him from chest to toe. Lan didn't even have the strength to open his eyes.

"You're a stubborn idiot."

Nynaeve must've overcome her anger because she sounded calm again. Or maybe it was just him wishing she wouldn't yell anymore. No matter what, Lan had to tell her one last thing. "Don't let her die, Nynaeve."

The young woman from the Two Rivers sighed heavily. "Sleep. You need it."

"Promise me."

"I promise to watch over you and that I will do anything to help her."

That was everything Lan had wanted to hear. Relieved, he gave up fighting against sleep. Nynaeve would keep Moiraine alive while he regained some of his strength. She may not care much about the Cairhien woman but knew how much Moiraine meant to the Malkieri. It would work.

"But I can't promise to be successful at keeping her alive."

No. Lan must've imagined those last words. Nynaeve would do anything to save Moiraine. She was a Wisdom and cared for the sick ones. His tired brain was playing tricks on him. He would take a short nap and then watch over Moiraine again until she woke up. Everything was going to be alright.

Chapter Text

Thinking, Moiraine sat in a steamy bath, allowing her muscles to relax. In the morning, she, Lan, Alanna, Ihvon, and Maksim had returned to Fal Dara. Usually, Moiraine was used to traveling on horseback, but today, she had been in need of a hot bath. The battle against the Shadowspawn had been exhausting, and her body had felt dirty.

Lan had been called to the fortress to inform Lord Agelmar about the battle against the Blight but agreed to drop her off at their favorite bathhouse. Since then, the Cairhien woman enjoyed the warm water, letting the warmth sink into her bones. Sadly, it didn't stop her thoughts from running wild.

Melted stones appeared before her eyes. The woman of the Blue Ajah had lost control over Saidar. She had drawn too much power, endangering herself. If Lan hadn't stopped her, she could've easily burned out without noticing it. And all because she had thought about Siuan.

For the first time in her life, she had allowed her emotions to control her. Her anger and frustration about Siuan and her calling Moiraine a Darkfriend had fed Moiraine's longing for more power.

Blood and ashes! She had acted like a bloody Novice! So much could've gone wrong. Not only did she almost kill herself, but she endangered Lan and the soldiers by using so much power. Her fire had melted the stones. What would it have done to human beings?

The image changed, turning into the beautiful Tairen woman. Moiraine closed her eyes, allowing herself to think about the wonderful moments they had shared – before their breakup. Siuan's laughter when Moiraine's slender fingers had tickled her. The dark, curly hair that Moiraine had loved to play with. It had been so smooth between her fingers… like silk. Her darker skin with those beautiful Tairen drawings. Moiraine was surprised there was still untouched skin left.

She had admired her lover's body. The way Siuan's muscles had flinched under Moiraine's fingertips. Her perfect round breasts. The feeling of her strong thighs, tightening around Moiraine's head or arm when the Blue had worked on the Tairen woman. Followed by cute moans, encouraging the Cairhien woman in her doing.

It had been Siuan who had shown her the world of bedding someone. At first, it had been strange, and it took a while before Moiraine had started to trust Siuan in bringing her pleasure. But in the end, it had been worth it. The Tairen woman was a passionate lover but also sensitive to Moiraine's hesitation. The world had felt different when Siuan had touched Moiraine. She had been gentle and tender but had been able to turn it rough when….

A shiver ran over the Aes Sedai's back when she realized her hands had moved to her thoughts. One hand was squeezing a breast while the other had found its way between her legs.

Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah scanned the room. The people from the Borderlands didn't have separate bathrooms for men and women, but Moiraine was lucky. It was too early for other people to visit the bathhouse. She had the water all to herself.

Carefully, she took a relaxed position and closed her eyes once more. Siuan once told her there was no shame in daydreaming, and there was no one there. No one who could judge her.

For a short moment, she felt guilty for thinking about Siuan and not Lan's touch. Her husband took good care of her, but she wanted to remember her former lover right now.

Moiraine's hands returned to their former positions. The Amyrlin had always loved to tease the Blue. At the beginning of their lovemaking, she had touched Moiraine everywhere except for the places she had needed her. She had waited until Moiraine had been squirming in need, trying to help herself by guiding Siuan's hand. Slowly, the Aes Sedai's hand moved from her knee up over her inner thigh toward her core.

Once the first contact had happened, Siuan had softly stroked Moiraine's lower lips and the little pearl while closing her lips around the Cairhien woman's nipple. Her tongue was almost as talented as Lan's.

Moiraine's other hand squeezed her breast while her thumb played with her nipple. Immediately, she felt her core reacting. It was longing for more.

After ensuring that the Cairhien woman was ready for her, the Tairen woman had pushed a slender finger into her lover's vagina. Though she had added a second one quickly after noticing how wet Moiraine was.

Her breath started to become shallow when Moiraine started to enter herself with a finger and then added a second. One finger had never been enough for her. Two were good, but it was the third finger that spread….

"Do you mind some company?"

Surprised, Moiraine opened her eyes and turned her head. A young woman just slipped into the hot bath. Moiraine's hands jerked away from her body, though no one was able to see what she was doing to herself underwater.

The newcomer sighed in relief when her body took in the heat of the water. "Light, that feels good." Then she turned her head toward Moiraine, and memories flooded the Cairhien woman's head.

There was Egwene, serving drinks with her parents in their little tavern in the Two Rivers. Another Egwene was crying over her parents' dead bodies. Egwene, leaving the Two Rivers with Moiraine, Lan, Rand, Perrin, and Mat. Then they were in the burning village again, and Egwene begged Moiraine to take her with them because she didn't want to become the village's Wisdom.

More images appeared, changing rapidly before Moiraine's eyes. Egwene, believing Moiraine would kill her and her friends like the ferryman. Egwene, eagerly learning what Moiraine taught her. Egwene and Nynaeve, meeting Siuan. Egwene, begging Moiraine to take her with them to Fal Dara after Moiraine's fight with Siuan. Egwene-

"Moiraine?" Blinking, the woman of the Blue Ajah returned to the steamy bathhouse. Egwene had moved closer to her, touching her shoulder gently. "Are you alright? Are you not feeling well?"

The young woman's long hair was pinned up so it wouldn't get wet. Again, another image forced its way before Moiraine's eyes. Egwene with short hair and a grim look in her eyes after she had been freed from the Seanchan. Quickly, the Aes Sedai shook her head. This was nonsense. It hadn't happened. They were never in Falme, and the Seanchan never reached that side of the world.

"Moiraine?" Egwene sounded worried. "Do you need healing? I can-"

"I'll be alright, Egwene." Finally, Moiraine was able to force a smile on her lips. "You surprised me. I didn't know you were back. Did your journey go well?"

"It was good." The young woman from the Two Rivers didn't sound convinced. "Are you sure you don't want me to heal you? Or shall I call for Lan? I bet he would-"

"I'm fine."

For a moment, it looked like Egwene thought about leaving no matter what Moiraine said, but then, she lowered herself back into the water. "They said you changed. What did you see when you looked at me?"

"Who said I changed?"

But Egwene shook her head. "You taught me how important eyes and ears are and that I should protect them. You don't actually believe I will give them up now?"

Moiraine almost growled. Eyes and ears. Light, that girl was an excellent student. "I'm alright."

The other woman narrowed her eyes at her, and the Cairhien woman could almost see her thoughts, analyzing every word. Blood and ashes! "So, you didn't believe this was all a dream?"

"I got attacked," Moiraine admitted through gritted teeth. She didn't want to explain her situation to Egwene.

"I heard about that. And afterward, your memories were… changed."

"I got my memories back."

"Do you still see those other memories?" Moiraine wanted to strangle the young woman. Why couldn't she stop? Where did her respect for Aes Sedai go? "Did you see other memories of me? Is that the reason for your blank stare?"

"I think it's time for me to leave." Sighing, the Aes Sedai got to her feet. She wasn't in the mood to be questioned. All she had wanted was a relaxing hot bath.

"That's a shame," Alanna's voice appeared in her back. "We were just about to join you."

We? The woman of the Blue Ajah turned her head, then her eyes widened when she saw her friend was accompanied by her two Warders. Her two very naked Warders! Neither Alanna nor the men wore a towel to protect their intimate parts.

Hastily, Moiraine lowered herself back into the water with a splash. She also wore no clothes and just presented her naked body to Alanna's men. Heat moved over her cheeks while the embarrassment settled in. Ashamed, she wished to dive into the water and not appear again.

"You stay? Good." Alanna and her Warders entered the giant bathtub. It was big – made to contain at least twenty people at once – yet they decided to sit close to Moiraine and Egwene. "Oh. That feels amazing."

A thought crossed Moiraine's mind, and she narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Did Lan ask you to check on me, Alanna?"

Innocently, the Green fluttered her eyelashes. "Do I need a reason to take a hot bath? Can't I just enjoy the warmth after being on the road for days?"

Answering a question with a question. Now, Moiraine had no doubt that her husband had sent Alanna, Ihvon, and Maksim after her. Damn that man! He was still worried about her because of what had happened in Malkier. Growling, she sank deeper into the water, ignoring Alanna. Light, she wanted to leave!

"So… you're Egwene."

There was silence for a moment, and Egwene looked like she fought with herself before finally saying, "Yes, Alanna Sedai."

"I heard you're very powerful. You could become a very strong Aes Sedai if you would go to the White Tower."

This time, anger moved over Egwene's beautiful face. "Moiraine Sedai teaches me everything I need to know."

"Teaching you is one thing. But becoming an Aes Sedai… that you can only become in Tar Valon."

Shocked, the woman of the Blue Ajah saw how the young woman from the Two Rivers embraced Saidar. "Egwene!" She hissed.

Immediately, the glow of Saidar faded, but the anger on Egwene's face didn't. "I should return to the house. It was a long journey, and I'm tired." Without caring about Ihvon and Maksim's presence, Egwene stood up and left the bathtub. She didn't even say goodbye.

A sigh of relief escaped Moiraine's lips. She had worried that Egwene would start a fight with Alanna. She was powerful but not ready to fight against an Aes Sedai - especially not against one from the Green Ajah.

"She has quite a temper." Alanna still followed Egwene with her eyes. "Is it true that she is more powerful than the Amyrlin?"

"She is powerful. Was it necessary to tell her she should go to Tar Valon?"

Finally, the Green Sister turned her attention toward her friend. "She should be at the White Tower, Moiraine. Someone like her… we don't find many women with that kind of power anymore. Losing her…" Alanna shook her head. "It's not that I believe you couldn't teach her everything that's necessary, but she needs proper training."

"Egwene doesn't want to go to the White Tower."

"Then you need to convince her."

Moiraine snorted. "Do you have any idea how often I tried that? I brought her to Tar Valon to become a Novice, but she decided she didn't want to become an Aes Sedai. She begged me to take her with me to Fal Dara, teaching her everything I know about the One Power. Egwene wants to return to her village and family once she is done learning."

Alanna grimaced. "Letting her walk free? – With that much power? Moiraine, you can't be serious. You saw how she grabbed the One Power. A simple conversation, and she wants to use Saidar. The Whitecloaks will be thrilled if they find out."

"I can't force her to go to the White Tower. It's her decision. If she doesn't want to-"

"Then find another way. She obviously listens to you. I'm sure she will go if you tell her she should."

Sighing, the Cairhien woman leaned back against the rim and closed her eyes. "I stopped trying a while ago."

"Moiraine!"

"You want to convince her? Be my guest. Try talking to her, Alanna. But don't be disappointed when you can't change her mind."

"Unbelievable," Alanna murmured.

But Moiraine didn't care. Light, she simply wanted to enjoy a hot bath! Why couldn't the Green leave her alone?

"Whose mind do you want to change, Alanna?"

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah opened her eyes again. Lan! When she turned her head, she saw her bare-chested husband arriving. Immediately, her eyes moved to his lower region, but he had covered himself by tying a towel around his hips, unlike Ihvon or Maksim. At least he knew how to be discreet.

"Egwene," Alanna responded to Lan's question. "She should be in Tar Valon."

The Cairhien woman noticed how Saidar filled the air. The Green Sister had embraced the source. Her fingers played innocently with strings of air, weaving something that would create a small…

Moiraine's eyes widened in shock. Quickly, she opened herself to Saidar, weaving a shield she threw over Lan in the last second. A breeze washed over her when Alanna's weave fulfilled its purpose.

"Moiraine," the woman from Arafel pouted. "Can't you grant me some fun?"

"You have two men to please your longing. Stay away from my husband."

"We're in the Borderlands – in a bathhouse. You can't expect me not to be curious."

Glaring, Moiraine's tone almost turned into a growl. "Stay away from my husband, Alanna."

The Green Sister rolled her eyes but lifted her hands in defeat. "As you wish." After both women released the One Power, Alanna asked Lan, "Are you just standing there, your Majesty, or are you joining us?"

Lan chuckled. "As much as I like to join you all, I'm here for my wife."

Alarmed, Moiraine looked at him. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Let's talk when we're home."

Lan's words didn't help to calm Moiraine. Why couldn't he tell her what had happened? Was it about their battle against the Trollocs? Surely, Lord Agelmar couldn't ask Lan to fight another battle so soon after the first, right?

The Aes Sedai was already standing up when she finally remembered Alanna's Warders. Cursing, she stopped. "Alanna. Would you be so kind as to tell your Warders to close their eyes?"

"Seriously, Moiraine? You came to a public bathhouse and don't want people to look at you? I really thought that living in the Borderlands would help you-"

"Alanna!"

Sighing, the Green Sister waved at her two men, who obeyed and closed their eyes. Moiraine waited a moment to check if anyone would open their eyes again, but they didn't. Relieved, she stood up and swung her body out of the water. Lan waited for her with a towel in his hands.

"Will we see you for dinner?" Alanna asked.

"We'll be waiting for you," the uncrowned king of Malkier responded before he led his wife out of the bathhouse.

The way back to their house allowed Moiraine's thoughts to run wild. All kinds of scenarios came to her mind, and it was hard to stay calm.

Surprisingly, Lan didn't seem to be in a rush to return home. He led his wife through the streets of Fal Dara and bought honeycakes.

When they reached the house, the Cairhien woman was close to exploding. There had to be a reason why Lan pulled her out of the bathhouse. It couldn't be because of her safety since he had Alanna and her men watching over her for him. What did Lord Agelmar say?

The uncrowned king of Malkier asked a maid to bring tea to the library, making the Aes Sedai feel even more worried. It couldn't be good if Lan needed honeycakes and tea to tell her the news.

As soon as the door of the library closed behind them, Moiraine started her questions. "What happened? Is it Lord Agelmar?"

"Moiraine."

"What does he want? Wasn't he satisfied that you won the battle?"

"Moiraine."

The Cairhien woman heard that her husband tried to calm her but didn't want to be calmed. All those scenarios that had come to her mind and only Lord Agelmar made sense. Lan hadn't been anywhere else since they returned.

"What does he want from you now?" Sighing, Lan unpacked the honeycakes. Apparently, the man had given up on stopping Moiraine from rambling. "Lan!" When he finally turned around, someone knocked at the door.

"My Lord?" It was the maid with the tea. "I bring you the tea."

Lan took the tray from her. "Thank you."

"Do you need anything else, my Lord?"

"That would be all for now. Thank you."

The girl curtsied, then left the room. In the meantime, Lan poured a cup of tea for Moiraine and himself until the upset Aes Sedai took the pot out of his hands.

"I was-"

"What aren't you telling me?!"

"I'm not-"

"Honeycakes and tea won't calm me. I want answers, Lan, and I-"

Moiraine was cut off rudely by Lan when he cupped her face and kissed her. Insufferable man! Did he really believe that would calm her?

"Easy, my love," the Malkieri whispered against her lips, and Moiraine shivered when his warm breath moved over her skin. "I will tell you what happened if you allow me to answer."

Moiraine took a deep breath, then nodded. She really hadn't given him a chance to answer her questions since they arrived.

Lan finished filling the second cup before he said, "I talked to Agelmar. He was impressed about our victory against the Dark One's army. I told him we only did it because of you and Alanna." Lan gave her one cup, then nipped at the other one. "Agelmar will write to the White Tower, asking for support against the Blight. Our victory gave him hope that we could actually win. And it gave our men hope. They saw what we can accomplish when we have the One Power on our side."

Anxiously, the woman of the Blue Ajah waited for the bad news. Honeycakes and tea. There had to be something she wouldn't like.

"Agelmar will also ask for more help from other cities from the Borderlands. We need to attack the Shadowspawn again – soon – if we want them to fear us."

Another attack. Finally, Moiraine understood and put her cup down. "Let me guess. He wants you to lead the next attack."

Surprised, Lan raised his eyebrows, then followed her example and placed his cup back on the table. "Moiraine-"

"Blood and ashes! He can't be serious! We just returned! Isn't it enough that you won the last battle? Do you have to risk your life again so soon after fighting against a Draghkar? Does he even know about the Draghkar?"

"Moiraine-"

"That's ridiculous! Siuan won't send help to support you, and Alanna can't stay until Malkier is freed from the Blight. You will get killed if-"

"He doesn't send me into another battle!"

Silence filled the room while Moiraine tried to make sense of Lan's words. Agelmar didn't want him to fight again? But Lan just said the man prepared for another attack. What else could be Lan's role? The lord certainly didn't hope Moiraine could put in a good word at the White Tower.

"He wants us to throw a ball for the noble families," Lan explained calmly.

Confused, the Aes Sedai furrowed her forehead. A ball? Surely, she must've misunderstood her Warder. "A ball."

"Yes. In our house."

Slowly, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Why Lan had acted so mysteriously about the news. Why the Malkieri had bought honeycakes and ordered tea. Why he had waited to tell her until they were alone. He didn't want anyone else to see Moiraine explode when she learned the truth.

"Tell me you declined." It was silly. Now that she saw through Lan's plan, there was little hope that she was wrong. "Tell me we won't do it."

Grimacing, the uncrowned king of Malkier took a honeycake and offered it to the Cairhien woman. "Honeycake?"

Groaning, Moiraine closed her eyes. Her insufferable husband had agreed to arrange a ball. The plan was easy. Lord Agelmar would use the ball to tell everyone about their miraculous victory and to win more men for battle at the same time.

The problem was that Moiraine hated balls. They reminded her of her time in the Sun Palace, and she hated interacting with other noble women who only loved gossiping.

"It will be a small ball."

Lan seemed to shrink under Moiraine's glare. She didn't believe for one second that the ball would be anything but small. If the uncrowned king of Malkier threw a ball, certain formalities had to be respected.

Growling, Moiraine took a honeycake and moved to the window. The next few days would be horrible.

Chapter Text

A week later, Moiraine and Lan's house was prepared for the big party. Lords and ladies from everywhere were invited to celebrate the outstanding victory over the Trollocs.

All week, Moiraine had felt sick. She didn't like balls or talking to highborn ladies. It was like playing Daes Daemar again, and she didn't want that. But she didn't have a choice. Lord Agelmar was the ruler of Fal Dara and would get that ball if he wanted it.

Lan did his best to lighten up his wife's mood, but it was useless. At least he convinced Alanna to stay in Fal Dara to attend the ball. This way, the people wouldn't solely close in on Moiraine, asking about her role in the battle.

A maid – her name was Vera – helped the Cairhien woman in her dress. It was a beautiful blue dress with lots of embroidery on it. Moiraine loved it, even though she could only wear it for balls.

She wore her hair open. The dark curls fell loose over her back. The maid wanted to help her with her kesiera, but Moiraine refused. Some things were better done by herself.

Someone knocked, then the door opened. Lan entered in his finest clothes. A beautiful red tunic with embroidery showed everyone that he had royal blood, and the golden sigil ring on his finger told everyone they had the uncrowned king of Malkier before them.

Appreciatively, Lan's eyes moved over Moiraine's body. They shimmered with lust, and love rolled through the bond.

"That would be all, Vera," the Aes Sedai released the young girl. "Thank you for your help."

Vera curtsied respectfully, then left the room, leaving the husband and wife alone.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." The Malkieri stepped behind the Cairhien woman, hugging her from behind while pressing his face against her throat and inhaling deeply. "Sometimes, I can't believe how lucky I am."

Moiraine smiled and pressed her back against Lan's chest. She felt safe in his arms, like nothing could harm them. Sadly, they couldn't stay like that forever. The first guests had arrived, and they were expected to appear soon.

Sighing, she asked, "Am I a bad person because I don't wish to leave this room?"

Lan chuckled and pressed a kiss behind her ear. "You're not a bad person, my love."

"There are all those people in our house, and I think about not appearing. How can I not be a bad person?"

"You don't have to go if you don't want to."

Surprised, Moiraine turned in Lan's arms. "I don't?"

"Of course not. I will tell our guests that you don't feel well and had to rest." Smiling, Lan kissed her. "You can move under the blanket, drink some tea, and read a good book. How does that sound?"

For a heartbeat, Moiraine's eyes went to the bed, which promised her peace and coziness. Then she sighed heavily. She couldn't do that. She couldn't let Lan deal with their guests alone. Her place was beside her husband, and she would go with him when he decided to attend that ball.

"Let's greet our guests."

Another wave of love rolled through the bond, followed by a sweet kiss from her Warder. "I love you."

"And I love you," the Aes Sedai responded.

"I'll make it up to you."

Moiraine snorted, then waved at him. "Come on. Let's get moving. The sooner we're there, the sooner it will be over."

Moiraine clung to Lan's arm while they walked through the ballroom. This way, the highborn ladies didn't get a chance to talk to her while the lords ignored her during their conversations with Lan.

Lord Agelmar ensured to stay close to the uncrowned king of Malkier, always mentioning Lan's great victory whenever the lords talked longer than five minutes about other stuff.

When the men started to ignore Moiraine, she always used the opportunity to check on Alanna and Egwene. The Green Sister was obviously in her element, chatting with everyone who dared to address her, and she had the mysterious talent to include Egwene in her conversations.

Moiraine saw that the young girl from the Two Rivers wasn't happy about Alanna's company but did her best to smile and laugh. She and Lan would have to save her at some point.

"Gentlemen." The woman of the Blue Ajah flinched when she heard the voice of the newcomer. "Do you call it good behavior to ignore a lady? Either you let her join your conversation, or you allow her to talk to someone who knows how to include her."

Moiraine's fingers dug into Lan's arm when she faced her cousin, Caraline Damodred. Blood and ashes! Who had invited her?!

"Caraline." Moiraine was proud her voice didn't tremble and that she even managed a smile. "I didn't know you considered coming to Fal Dara."

"How could I not, dear cousin? It's been ages since we last saw each other." Caraline approached Moiraine and breathed a kiss on both her cheeks. "You look well."

"As do you."

It still felt weird to be in the same room with Caraline. Everyone who saw them together assumed they were twins, though Caraline's eyes were darker than Moiraine's, and when she spoke, it always sounded as if she was trying to seduce someone.

She turned her pretty face toward Lan, curtsied slightly, and tilted her head politely. "Your Majesty."

"My Lady. Welcome to our house. I hope you had a pleasant journey."

"We weren't bothered, and the thought of seeing my dear cousin again kept me in good spirits." Caraline smiled sweetly. "Speaking of, since the lords are talking business that doesn't include my cousin, I hoped you allow me to keep her company. There are so many women who'd like to talk to the lady of the house." Again, Caraline tilted her head like she dared not to look Lan directly in the eye. "That is, of course, if you don't need her to keep you upright."

Anger rolled through the bond, and Moiraine couldn't say if it was hers or Lan's. They both kept a calm face, but her fingers still dug into his arm while his body had turned stiff. Caraline was clever. She used words to get what she wanted. A silent threat that she would spread the word the brave Malkieri needed the help of his wife to stay on his feet.

"I don't mind at all." Calmly, Lan took Moiraine's hand and pressed his lips on her knuckles. "My wife is free to do what she likes."

"Excellent."

Before the Aes Sedai had time to protest, the other Cairhien woman had linked arms with her and pulled her away from Lan. Cursing inwardly, Moiraine followed reluctantly. Light! She didn't want to talk to Caraline!

Her cousin babbled nonsense about her travel and Cairhien while guiding her through the crowd. Moiraine wasn't really paying attention. Her mind was already planning on how to escape that situation.

"Lady Diyana. How lovely to see you."

Caraline stopped abruptly, forcing her cousin to stop too. She had addressed a Tairen woman with black curls and darker skin who placed a polite smile on her lips. Her arms and chest were covered with black ink. "Lady Caraline. It's been a while."

Involuntarily, Moiraine had to think about Siuan. The Amyrlin had tattoos, too, but Lady Diyana wasn't as beautiful as Siuan.

"Way too long, my dear. Have you met my cousin Moiraine?"

Lady Diyana's cold eyes moved to Moiraine, looking her up and down with raised eyebrows. "You're a'Lan Mandragoran's wife." Her lips turned into a thin line when she saw the golden serpent ring on Moiraine's finger. "And an Aes Sedai." Her tone had turned even colder.

"I am," the Cairhien woman agreed just as coldly. "Welcome to the Borderlands, Lady Diyana."

"Isn't it wonderful to make new friends?" Moiraine didn't know why Caraline still tried to lighten the mood, but she tried. "We should celebrate that. How about some wine?"

A servant arrived just in time with a tray of filled glasses. Caraline took two glasses and handed them to Lady Diyana and Moiraine.

"I don't feel like drinking," Moiraine said, refusing to take the glass.

"You don't drink?" Surprised, Caraline's eyes widened. "Since when don't you drink?" Her eyes moved to Moiraine's belly. "Or are you…? Moiraine. Are you pregnant?"

"Caraline," the Aes Sedai growled. Light! Why couldn't that woman shut up? That annoying woman raised her voice on purpose. "I'm not-"

"How wonderful. Your husband must be excited. When-?"

Growling, Moiraine grabbed the glass and emptied it at once. Then she handed her cousin the glass. "Like I said. I'm not pregnant."

Smiling, Caraline gave the servant the empty glass and took two more. "Well. That's a shame. Malkier could use an heir since your husband is the last one with royal blood in his veins."

"We have more important things to think about than children." Moiraine accepted the glass this time, though she didn't intend to drink more. She needed a clear head. And if she had to talk to the noble ladies, she could tell them about the Blight. "Malkier is still taken by the Blight, and we need help to fight against it."

"Right. I heard about the battle your husband recently won." Caraline took a sip of her wine. "You were with him, weren't you?"

Of course, Caraline had heard about the battle and that Moiraine had played a role in it. "I did. But that's not the point. We-"

But of course, the woman wasn't done. "And your friend over there," she pointed at Alanna, who was still crowded. "She tells everyone about her heroic involvement, using the One Power. Sounds to me like the Aes Sedai handle everything just fine. Why should we send our men to fight in a battle the Aes Sedai can win easily?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah gritted her teeth. Bloody Caraline! She knew how to play in the world of politics. "The White Tower doesn't send out sisters to help against the Shadowspawn."

"Maybe the Aes Sedai should stop using powers no one should wield. Battles are fought by armies, not magic." Lady Diyana sounded disgusted.

"Hm." Caraline took another sip, then said, "That's interesting. Wasn't the Amyrlin Seat born in Tear?"

The face of the Tairen woman darkened, and hatred shone in her eyes. Angrily, she hissed, "Siuan Sanche is an abomination like all the other Aes Sedai! I don't care how powerful she is. No one should wield such powers."

Moiraine's glass cracked dangerously. An abomination? Aes Sedai were an abomination?!

"I guess that means Tear won't send help for Malkier." Caraline didn't sound in the least worried or surprised.

"Not while Lord Mandragoran is married to her!" Lady Diyana nodded at Moiraine, then took a sip of her wine and turned her head away, clearly fighting to regain her calm.

"My Lady." Another Tairen woman appeared behind Lady Diyana. She was older and carried a plate with fruits. "I brought you something to eat."

"It's about time. What took you so long? Did you have to swim to Tear to fetch me something?"

"Apologies, my Lady. I did my best to-"

"Stop talking and give me the plate."

The older woman handed the plate to Lady Diyana, but Moiraine only had eyes for the woman. "Lia," she whispered.

Surprised, the older woman turned her attention to Moiraine. "Do I know you?"

Images flickered before Moiraine's eyes. Lia, lying in a small bed in an infirmary of Falme. Lia, calling Moiraine 'little fish'. Lia, telling Moiraine about Whitecloaks killing injured people who don't have any living relatives. Lia, lying pale in the small bed. Lia, who had stopped breathing.

"Moiraine!"

Caraline's sharp voice reached the Cairhien woman's ear, pulling her out of the memories. She had a terrible headache, and her blood rushed loudly in her ears. This isn't real. She remembered screaming for help and trying to use Saidar to bring Lia back from the dead. This isn't real.

"What is going on? Do you need a Healer?" Caraline. She wasn't real. It was a trick from Lanfear.

"I feel a little lightheaded." Moiraine's voice sounded slow and dull like it was coming from somewhere far away. What had she done? How could she believe all that was real?

"Drink something." Someone placed a glass against her lips – probably Caraline – and the Aes Sedai swallowed involuntarily. Surprisingly, it helped a little in turning down the headache. "Better?"

"A little."

"Moiraine?" Suddenly, Alanna stood beside her with Ihvon and Maksim behind her. "Is everything alright here?"

Other images appeared when the woman of the Blue Ajah looked at her Green Sister. Alanna, talking about Moiraine's dog Jenny while they shield Logain. Alanna, flirting with Lan until Moiraine intervenes. Alanna, telling her Lan had nothing to worry about. Alanna, supporting her after her fight with Siuan. Alanna, telling her she is not alone in her search for the Dragon Reborn any longer. Alanna, congratulating Moiraine on her wedding day.

The headache hit Moiraine with full force. Groaning, she lifted a hand to her forehead. "Light! My head is killing me."

"You need some air," Alanna declared. "Let's get you to a window."

Moiraine didn't protest. What was going on with her? All those confusing memories. What was the truth? What was a lie?

"There. Take a deep breath."

Fresh, cold air hit Moiraine's face, and she shivered. Sadly, it didn't help against the headache or her spiraling thoughts. Why was that happening?

"What happened, Moiraine?" Alanna stepped before her, shielding her from everyone who would be looking, yet she lowered her voice. "Did you remember your nightmare again?"

Her nightmare. That's what everyone had told her. Lanfear. The Dragon Reborn. Falme. Those weren't memories. They belonged to a nightmare that her attacker gave her. And whenever she started asking questions or wondered if the other life couldn't be real, her head felt like it would explode any second.

"I just need a moment," the Cairhien woman murmured. "Seeing Lia…."

"Who is Lia?"

"She came with Lady Diyana."

The Green Sister searched the room for the Tairen lady. "You mean the old woman beside her? Who acts like her servant?"

I tried… to stay…. Wanted… to say… goodbye.

A shiver ran over Moiraine's back, and another spike of pain hit her when the image of a dead Lia appeared before her eyes again. Blood and ashes! She had to stop! Everyone was watching her!

"Lan can't free himself," Ihvon murmured to Alanna. "The lords keep him occupied."

Lan. Her Warder. Her husband? Moiraine forced herself to focus on the uncrowned king of Malkier. She remembered the kiss he had given her before they had left their bedroom. A kiss so sweet and full of love. Nothing had felt wrong when his lips touched hers.

The feeling of his strong arms, holding her close to his muscular body. There was no safer place for Moiraine than lying in Lan's arms.

Slowly, the pulsing headache faded. Remembering her husband helped with the confusion. Blood and ashes! It was all because of that stupid attacker. Would she ever be able to live her life without questioning herself if it was real? The attacker had messed up her head pretty badly.

The Aes Sedai allowed her thoughts to move further, remembering how Lan had brought pleasure to her in their tent at the Blight. They both had been too busy with the preparations for the ball since their return that there hadn't been time for more fun.

Sadly, the memories of Lan's talented tongue and fingers worked too well. The headache faded until it was nothing more than a dull throb in the back of her head. But now, her body reacted to the memories. Arousal rushed through her, making her body tingle in anticipation and bringing heat to her cheeks. Light, her emotions were a mess!

"I'm better now," Moiraine declared. Alanna raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Apparently, the fresh air helped. And I should probably drink more. It seems I forgot that due to the preparations."

"Moiraine-"

But the Cairhien woman was done explaining. She was the lady of the house and had to take care of the guests. Lan needed to convince the lords and ladies to send men to fight against the Blight. He couldn't be distracted by his wife's confused feelings. No. Moiraine would forget about the nightmare and focus on the present.

There was no other life or reality. She was the wife of a'Lan Mandragoran and would pull herself together.

Chapter Text

Hours went by, and Moiraine started talking to other highborn ladies. It was exhausting, but at least the headache didn't get worse and stayed as a dull throbbing in the back of her head. She ensured that she drank a couple of glasses of water now and then while holding a glass of wine in her hands to fool the guests and nip at it occasionally.

Yet, the woman of the Blue Ajah couldn't stop herself from watching the crowd. She should be happy that her headache was better. Nonetheless, she kept searching for Lia. Maybe a second meeting would help her to forget about her nightmare.

Lan was still stuck with Lord Agelmar and the other lords, but Moiraine felt his worries through the bond. He didn't know what had happened to her and couldn't free himself from his conversation.

And the Cairhien woman noticed something else. Although she only had two glasses of wine and was only nipping on her third, she started to feel the effect of the alcohol as if she had had six glasses. Was it possible that Lan… But he knew what happened to her when he drank. No. He wouldn't do that.

"Moiraine." Growling, Moiraine searched for a way to escape, but Caraline was faster. She grabbed her cousin's arm before Moiraine had a chance to take a step. "There you are. I've been searching for you for hours."

Quickly, the Aes Sedai forced a smile on her face. She had to get rid of her cousin. "Caraline. Forgive me. I have been busy. The guests… you understand."

Caraline nodded. "Of course, dear cousin. Does that mean you feel better now?"

Lady Diyana appeared on Caraline's side, and behind her stood… Lia. Swallowing hard, Moiraine forced her eyes on her cousin before new images could appear. "I… Yes. My headache is better now." Smiling, she lifted her glass. "I didn't drink much today, which is not a good idea when you attend a ball and shall talk to your guests."

"Then you should drink that glass of yours. We don't want you to faint."

"I'll be alright. I take it slowly and drink now and then."

Caraline snorted. "Nonsense. For how long do you carry that glass now?"

Light! Did Caraline try to make her drunk? "I didn't count the minutes since I-"

"Which means it's already longer than is good for you. Drink. I'll order you a new one." Moiraine's cousin already gave a servant a sign, who obeyed immediately.

Sighing, the Aes Sedai emptied her glass and accepted a new one. She needed support. Where was Lan? Caraline would notice that Moiraine only nipped at her glass.

"Now, I couldn't stop wondering. Before your friend took care of you, I thought I heard you saying the name of Lady Diyana's maid. How do you know her?"

Of course, Caraline had listened carefully. And since she knew about Lady Diyana's distrust of Moiraine, she was stirring the fire. Moiraine wanted to strangle her when she saw Lady Diyana's eyes narrowing on her. The Tairen woman was dying for an answer.

Even Lia furrowed her forehead in confusion, though Moiraine turned her eyes away quickly. Forget about the nightmare. This is real. This is your life. Escape Caraline.

"Why should I know a maid from Tear? People who can channel are not welcomed in Tear."

Lady Diyana stepped before Moiraine, not bothering to show her anger openly. "Maybe you arranged for her to end up in my service. Or maybe it was Siuan Sanche. Lia could be an informant of the Aes Sedai, reporting our weaknesses to you."

"My Lady!" Lia was shocked. "I assure you, I'm not-"

"She isn't an informant of the Aes Sedai," Moiraine responded. "We have no interest in what you're-"

"Or do you use her position to gain my trust so you can murder me?"

Moiraine's eyes widened. Was that woman even listening to what she was saying?! Murdering her? Why in light's name should she murder her? She didn't even care about her!

"Lady Diyana, I have no interest in murdering you, nor do I care about your weaknesses. Lia is not-"

"Maybe that's the real reason for summoning us here!" The angry Tairen woman stepped into Moiraine's personal space. She was out of control. "We're supposed to feel safe while you use your magic to kill us all! This is all a trick to-"

"I think that's enough, ladies," Caraline interrupted, stepping between the two angry women. "This is a party – not a battlefield."

Now her cousin cared about not fighting each other?! After it had been her who brought up that subject? It wasn't easy to keep calm. Moiraine wanted to strangle Caraline, but the woman was already preparing her next move.

"Come on. Let's wish each other a pleasant evening and drink. The wine is too good to be wasted." Caraline held up her glass, waiting for Moiraine and Lady Diyana to join her. Grimacing, both women followed her example, then emptied their glasses in frustration.

Moiraine shuddered when she felt the liquid running down her throat. Blood and ashes! She had to be careful! She wasn't good with alcohol, and if Lan didn't stop drinking, she… Suddenly, the Cairhien woman wasn't sure she would see the end of that ball tonight. Would the guests be offended if she went to bed at some point?

Moiraine lost track of time but noticed talking to the other ladies became easier. She couldn't remember what they talked about, but they laughed a lot, and she did as well.

After a while, she had stopped counting how many glasses of wine she had had. Caraline had ordered more, and the alcohol helped against Moiraine's headache. Her body tingled, and she felt warm.

When the room started to sway, someone grabbed her arm. "Careful, my Lady. You don't want to faint in front of your guests, do you?"

Lia. Lady Diyana's maid had come to her rescue. She took the full glass out of Moiraine's hand and gave it to a servant.

"Come on. You need to sit down. And I suggest you move on to water before you start singing songs like a gleeman."

The Tairen woman guided Moiraine toward an open window, and the Cairhien woman simply followed. She really wasn't feeling well. Worried, she waited for the images to appear, but they didn't. Surprised, she sat on a bench. Why weren't the images coming? Was it because she was drunk? Was her mind too busy adjusting to the alcohol that the images couldn't appear?

"Drink this." Suddenly, Lia had a glass of water in her hands. Moiraine didn't know where she got it but drank. "It's good that you're not a sailor, my Lady. You could never keep up to their drinking."

"I can cast a net," Moiraine declared in defense, then stopped. Cast a net? When had she learned that? Did Siuan show her?

Lia raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's impressive, but it still doesn't turn you into a sailor. But I guess every little fish has to start small."

Little fish. Something flickered before Moiraine's eyes but never turned into a clear image. Frustrated, the Aes Sedai placed her hands over her eyes. She didn't want to see those images. Why couldn't they stay away? She was happy with Lan and their life. That strange attacker, whom she first had thought of as Lanfear, had ruined everything.

"Why don't you use your skill to get sober?"

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah lifted her head. Had Lia really suggested that Moiraine should use the One Power? A Tairen woman?

"We can only heal others, not ourselves."

"Oh." Lia wasn't looking at Moiraine. Her eyes were fixed on the view outside the window. "I didn't know that."

"You're not scared?"

The older woman licked her lips, then let her eyes move over the guests. Was she searching for Lady Diyana? "I know… it can be like a storm, sending wind for a ship to sail faster or bringing waves to drag it under. With the right training…" Lia bit her lip, then whispered, "You learn how to use this power at the White Tower, right?"

"We do." Was that sadness on Lia's face? Moiraine couldn't trust herself. The alcohol influenced her senses. "You know someone who… has a skill like mine? Someone who needs… training?"

"I did." Now, Moiraine was sure she heard unshed tears in Lia's voice. "A long time ago." That didn't sound good. "She was young and untrained. I assume she wanted to show her parents what she could do and set the hut on fire by accident. When I got there, I could hear her parents scream, begging her to stop." Lia took a deep breath. "They all died in that fire."

Tear. That family could've been saved if they wouldn't have been so scared about channeling. "I'm sorry. That's horrible."

The older woman nodded, then moved her hands over her skirts to smooth the wrinkles. "Well, it happened decades ago."

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore or that they are not missed deeply." Another thought crossed Moiraine's mind. It was ridiculous, but she needed to know. "Have you ever been to Falme?"

Surprised, the Tairen woman looked at her. "Falme? Not that I can think of. Why should I go there? What could be waiting for me in Falme?"

Seanchan. Whitecloaks. Death. Moiraine winced when she allowed her thoughts to remember the nightmare, and a sharp pain exploded behind her eyes. Blood and ashes! Why couldn't she stop?!

"Moiraine." Lan appeared, cupping the Cairhien woman's face in his hands. Immediately, the pain was gone. "What happened?"

"Hello, my love." Moiraine smiled. Light, she had missed him. It was a shame his face was constantly moving. "I think it's possible that I'm drunk."

Guilt moved over the Malkieri's handsome face. "I tried not to drink too much, but Agelmar… he continuously found new things why we had to drink."

"Oh, it wasn't just you. Caraline did her best to make me drink glass after glass. Honestly, I stopped counting at some point, but now, the room is moving."

"You need to rest."

"We have guests."

Lan snorted. "We entertained them for hours. I think they survive without us."

Lia cleared her throat, pulling Moiraine and Lan's attention to her. "Apologies, my Lord. But I think you forget something important."

"Who are you?" The uncrowned king of Malkier asked suspiciously.

Luckily, the older woman wasn't offended. Instead, she curtsied respectfully. "Lia, my Lord. I'm here with Lady Diyana from Tear."

"She saved me from fainting in front of our guests," Moiraine explained.

Her words calmed Lan, and he addressed Lia more friendly. "What did I forget?"

"This is a ball, my Lord. And a ball includes dancing."

At that moment, music echoed through the air, inviting the people to dance. Moiraine felt sick. How could she forget about the dancing?! Blood and ashes! That wasn't good.

"I need Alanna. Or Egwene," Moiraine said while watching how their guests gathered and created room for the dancers at the same time.

"I don't think we have time for that, my love," Lan murmured, pulling the Aes Sedai to her feet. "We are expected to start the dance."

"Lan!" The man ignored her hissing and led her toward the dancefloor. Light! Was he serious?! "Lan, I can't! I'm drunk!"

"We'll make it work."

They would make it work?! Moiraine had no idea how her husband thought she could manage a dance in her condition. The room was already spinning, and he wanted to make it worse?

The uncrowned king of Malkier gave the musicians a sign, then pulled the Cairhien woman close against him. "Just hold on to me."

The first tones sounded through the air, and Moiraine noticed the tune was slow. A song to glide comfortably over the dance floor. No spinning. No quick moves or direction changes. When Lan started to pull her over the dance floor, it felt like floating. "Clever," she whispered admiringly.

Lan smiled broadly. "Anything for my wonderful wife."

It was a relief when other guests joined the dance, though Moiraine started to forget about them quickly. She only had eyes for Lan, who safely moved her over the dance floor. Maybe it was because of the alcohol in her veins or because she was truly happy that she finally realized how handsome the Malkieri was.

Obviously, she had known that before since she married the man, but it was the first time that she noticed since the attack on her life. His black hair had grey streaks, but they made him even more attractive. Pure love shone in his dark eyes, adding to the love and admiration she felt through the bond.

A beautiful warmth filled her body. Lan loved her. There was no doubt about it. He would move a mountain for her and protect her from any kind of danger coming her way.

Guilt rolled over the Aes Sedai when she remembered how poorly she had treated her Warder after waking from that terrible nightmare. She had physically attacked him and hurt him with her words by telling him that their life together wasn't real. Light! How could he ever forgive her?

"What is it?" Lan whispered, feeling the change in her emotions.

Moiraine opened her mouth, but no word crossed her lips. It was like her emotions cut off her tongue. She had so many words – so many things she would like to tell him – but there were only three little words that really mattered.

"I love you." She should say it more often. The Malkieri deserved to know how she felt about him. He should know how incredibly happy he made her. There was no one else she would rather want to spend the rest of her life with. "I can't imagine my life without you."

Lan's entire face lit up, and his love for her pulsed in their bond. Moiraine swayed dangerously when he stopped dancing, but in the next second, Lan's hand laid on her neck, pulling her in for a kiss.

Moiraine's stomach was turning, and she was certain it had nothing to do with the alcohol. It was pure happiness that filled her veins. A feeling she hadn't felt for a while.

Way too soon, Lan ended the kiss but didn't move. They waited until they both had caught their breath, then the Malkieri led her toward a window.

"Beautiful. Wasn't it a beautiful dance?"

Lord Agelmar appeared beside Lan with more lords at his side who agreed, mumbling. Moiraine groaned when the man handed her husband another glass of wine. She was already not feeling well. Light, she should find Egwene or Alanna to help her with that dizziness.

Lan called one of the servants to them and placed his glass on the tray. "Could you bring me two glasses of water?"

"Water?" Lord Agelmar laughed loudly, which rang painfully in Moiraine's ears. "What do you want with water, my Lord?"

"As you may remember, my Lord, my wife and I are bonded, and my drinking affects her. So I move on-"

"Nonsense." The ruler of Fal Dara took two glasses of wine from the servant's tray and handed them to Lan and Moiraine. "You can't drink water with those fine men. Your wife will feel better when she drinks, too."

Lan wanted to protest, but Lord Agelmar was already talking to the other lords, telling them about Lan's incredible victory over the Trollocs. Moiraine wondered how often he had told that story that night.

Sighing, the woman of the Blue Ajah looked at her glass. Maybe she should search for Egwene or Alanna. But if she left now, it was highly possible to run into Caraline again, and she couldn't survive another meeting.

Both Moiraine and Lan learned that it was impossible not to drink when you were with Lord Agelmar. Apparently, he hoped the lords would be more open to his and Lan's plans when they were drunk. And Lan and Moiraine had to drink as well so the lords wouldn't find the behavior suspicious.

Lan didn't have a problem, but Moiraine was doing worse with every glass. She started to lean on her Warder, who wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her upright. Shortly after that, she began to smile about almost everything Lord Agelmar said, followed by turning those smiles into giggles. And the worst thing was, she couldn't stop.

Moiraine didn't know what Lord Agelmar had said that started her giggle, but it was absolutely impossible to stop once the first giggle occurred. Drinking more wine didn't help, and the lords didn't seem to like it at some point.

Under normal circumstances, the Aes Sedai would've been ashamed of her strange behavior, but with the alcohol in her veins… it didn't bother her. And Lan… she couldn't say how he felt about her behavior since she couldn't focus on his emotions through the bond.

"I think your wife isn't feeling well, Dai Shan." Was that Lord Agelmar? Moiraine couldn't focus anymore. "Shall we call a Healer?"

"It was a long day, and she is exhausted." That was definitely Lan's voice. Someone took the glass out of her hand. Surprised, Moiraine looked at her empty hand. Where did the glass go? "Would you excuse me? My wife needs to rest."

"Can't someone else help-"

"I'll take care of my wife." Lan sounded pissed.

Why was he angry? His face was hard when Moiraine lifted her eyes. Smiling, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. "So strict." Another giggle left her throat, and she kissed him again. "I like you better when you smile."

"Come on, my love. You need a break."

"Ookaay," Moiraine sang, allowing her husband to guide her through the crowd. She had no idea where they were going but trusted Lan to know what was best for her.

Chapter Text

"Where are we going?" Moiraine smiled at Lan.

One arm was still wrapped around her waist while the other took hold of her arm. She didn't know how much of her weight he was carrying but knew she was still on her feet because of him.

They had left the ballroom since Moiraine was too drunk to have an actual conversation. Or was it because she had embarrassed Lan? The Aes Sedai couldn't remember. She felt lightheaded, and the floor under her feet was constantly moving. Had Lan brought her to a ship? No. Those were the corridors of their house.

The uncrowned king of Malkier hadn't said anything since they left the ball, so the Cairhien woman had done the talking by asking questions. Questions that never got an answer. Yet, she continued asking.

"Where are our guests? Is the ball over? Did you see Caraline? Where are we going?"

"That's the fourth time you're asking me that," Lan responded quietly.

"Oh." Moiraine's eyes widened. "It speaks." A chuckle escaped her lips when Lan glared at her lovingly. "You don't answer my questions, so I have to repeat them."

"I told you where we are going when you asked me the first time."

"You did?" Moiraine couldn't remember hearing him speak since they left the ball. "What was the answer?"

This time, it was Lan who chuckled in amusement. Then he opened a door and led Moiraine inside. "We're here."

Moiraine stumbled inside and realized they had reached their bedroom. Bed. Resting. Light, that sounded wonderful. "What about the ball?"

"We talked, we danced, we drank some wine. And I can't hear Lord Agelmar praising my victory over the Shadowspawn any longer. I stopped counting how often he mentioned it tonight."

The Aes Sedai took another step, then stopped when the floor moved dangerously. Would she be able to reach the bed without Lan's help? "What about the guests? Won't they miss us?"

"I say we spend enough time with our guests."

The door closed, then Lan closed the distance between them. "You need to rest, my love. You're drunk, and I don't wish for you to throw up."

"Alanna could heal me. Or Egwene."

"I thought about that but couldn't find either of them. Wherever they are, they can't help you now."

Moiraine thought about his words for a moment. "Does that mean I can take off that dress?"

Lan chuckled, then nodded. "Absolutely. Do you want me to call Vera?"

"No." The woman of the Blue Ajah reached behind her back, trying to open the cords of her dress. "I just need to… Light! Come here." Growling, Moiraine fought with her dress until she noticed the amused smile on Lan's lips, which he tried to suppress unsuccessfully. "Will you help me, or do you just stand there?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to call-"

"Are you telling me you can't open a dress?"

Calming, the Malkieri held up his hands in defense. "Peace, woman. If you hold still for a moment, I can help you." Lan stepped behind his wife, starting to work on the cords.

Moiraine couldn't see what he was doing but felt how her dress loosened up. It was a relief to be freed. She didn't have to return to the ball and didn't have to talk to Caraline or Lady Diyana. No. She could disappear under the blanket and allow her exhausted body to rest.

While the Cairhien woman looked at the bed, an idea formed in her head. She remembered kissing Lan after their dance. It had felt so good and right. Before she had run into that woman who attacked her, they had often brought each other pleasure under that blanket. But since then, she had been too scared to go further.

When Lan took care of her before their battle against the Shadowspawn, Moiraine's body had surprised her with how much she needed and missed his attention. Even back then, her lovely Warder had understood that she couldn't give him more at that time. Not once had he asked for more. Bringing her pleasure had been enough for him.

But tonight… the woman of the Blue Ajah had realized she didn't want to hold back any longer. Lan was her husband, and she felt incredibly safe in his arms. She didn't want to think about that nightmare that brought her a painful headache whenever she thought about it. She wanted her life back. She wanted things to be like they had been before the attack. That meant Moiraine had to be brave and forget about her Cairhien nature.

"That should do it."

The dress parted on Moiraine's back. A relieved sigh escaped her lips. She wasted no time and pulled the sleeves down her arms before letting the fabric slide over her body until she could step out of it. "Better." Moiraine was only wearing her thin underdress. The fire in the fireplace was burning but wasn't enough to keep the cold out entirely. And it wasn't helping that Moiraine stood barefooted on the cold stone floor.

"Let me get you your nightgown."

"I don't need it." At least not for what she intended to do.

Surprised, Lan raised a confused eyebrow at her. "You don't… need it? Don't be silly, Moiraine. You can't-" His eyes widened, and the rest of his sentence got stuck in his throat when his wife pulled the underdress over her head and dropped it beside her.

Moiraine smiled when she saw Lan's reaction. She was still nervous, and a small part of her wanted to cover herself, but it was also arousing to watch the man taking in her naked form. Her nipples were already stiff – both from the cold and arousal – and her core was pulsing.

"You… you'll catch a cold," Lan breathed, never stopping staring. His hunger was visible in his eyes, and his fingers flinched like he wished to touch her but held himself back.

"Well." The Aes Sedai was proud that she crossed the distance between them without stumbling to her knees. Sadly, the floor hadn't stopped moving for one second. Hopefully, she sounded as seductive as she thought she was. "I could think of a few things to prevent that from happening." Her fingers moved teasingly over his chest, and she leaned in for a kiss.

Lan's breath became shallow, and he leaned into the kiss, but Moiraine turned her head aside when their lips brushed. Then she continued walking to the bed. Or was she swaying? Well, whatever it was, she made it to the bed without hitting the floor.

Behind the Aes Sedai, she heard her Warder taking a deep breath. "You're drunk."

A giggle crossed Moiraine's lips. Drunk? That was his best defense? Obviously, the man did his best to hold himself back, though his body reacted strongly to her appearance. The growing tent in his pants spoke loudly.

"I don't see how that's a problem." Carefully, Moiraine sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs. She placed her hands behind her, presenting herself full frontal to Lan's hungry eyes.

The uncrowned king of Malkier fought hard with himself. His facial muscles moved like he was chewing on something, and he had dug his nails into his thighs. As if the sting would help to reduce his longing.

"You don't know what you're saying." Deep breaths, but his voice betrayed him.

"Am I?" Moiraine asked, chuckling. Apparently, she had to encourage Lan a little bit more. Gently, she moved her fingers over her collarbone. "Are you sure about that?" Her fingers moved down to her breasts.

A moan crossed Moiraine's lips when her hand touched a stiff nipple, and pleasure shot through her body. Light! Her body was aching for a release! Gently, she started to squeeze her breast, and her eyes closed at the sensation. She was sure the sensation would be incredible if Lan took over now.

"Moiraine." Lan's voice had turned into a dangerous growl. He wasn't amused by her action.

Confused, the Cairhien woman stopped squeezing and opened her eyes. Was she doing something wrong? Was Lan not interested in bedding her? Or didn't he like his wife taking control in the bedroom?

His lips were pressed into a thin line while he watched her every move. No, the lust was still visible in his eyes, and his pants had created a big tent. But why was he holding himself back?

"Don't you want me?"

"Not wanting you?!" The Malkieri chuckled and rubbed a trembling hand over his face before starting to walk up and down. "We clearly need to talk if you believe for one second, I wouldn't want you."

"But if it's not that, why are you holding back? You know how hard it is for me as a Cairhienin to be open with my nudity, but I'm trying. Please tell me if I'm doing something-"

"You're drunk!"

Oh. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in her. He was disgusted because she was drunk. Disappointed, Moiraine let her hand sink. She hadn't thought about that. "I understand."

Lan sighed heavily. "No, you don't." Again, he rubbed his face. "Light, Moiraine. I want you. It's hard not to touch you right now. But I won't bed you when you're drunk. I want you to be sure about that and won't use you when you can't think clearly."

"I am sure." Yes, she was drunk, but she knew what she asked of him. "I want you to bed me."

Sadly, her Warder seemed to think otherwise. "I won't do it. I will gladly bed you once you're sober. Until then, I won't give in to my needs."

Moiraine pouted. She had been so proud to ignore her prudish Cairhien nature and to find the courage to seduce her husband only to be turned down. What should she do now? Should she ask for her nightgown, or should she slip under the blanket in her naked form?

Suddenly, she noticed Lan's hungry eyes had moved to her crossed legs. At the same time, his tent started to bounce. Maybe he wasn't so sure about his decision. Could another part of her encourage him to give in to her plea? Was it possible she could still convince him that she meant what she said?

For a moment, Moiraine wasn't sure if she had the courage to do something so bold. But if she wanted Lan to reconsider her plea, she had to offer everything. Besides, it wasn't like he hadn't seen her naked before.

"Are you sure you won't consider bedding me?" Lan's eyes widened when Moiraine opened her legs, giving him a perfect view of her center. Her cheeks blushed in embarrassment, but she refused to give up now. "In that case, I guess that means I have to take care of myself."

The uncrowned king of Malkier growled when the Cairhien woman moved her hand between her legs. Her fingers found her dripping entrance, and she drew them through her wetness. Moaning, her head fell back, and she closed her eyes again. Light, she was longing for Lan's touch!

Her breath turned shallow when she started to spread her wetness and touched her sensitive clit. If Lan refused to touch her, she would bring herself some pleasure. She lifted her hand toward her mouth, wishing to taste herself, when fingers wrapped around her arm, stopping her.

Surprised, the Aes Sedai opened her eyes. Before her stood her panting Warder. She didn't know when he had moved because she hadn't heard his footsteps, but now, he was right before her.

Slowly, the man lifted her hand toward his face. Her wet fingers glistened in the light of the burning fire. Lan's eyes met hers, then he closed his hot mouth around her coated fingers.

Moiraine's breath quickened when his tongue danced around her fingers, cleaning them thoroughly. His tongue was talented! Once he was finished, he pulled her fingers out, releasing them with a pop. "You're killing me, woman."

"Did you change your mind?" The Aes Sedai wanted to know breathlessly.

"No. I will not bed you while you're drunk."

Grimacing, Moiraine freed her hand. "Then maybe you should return to the ball. My drunken brain likes to have this room to itself for a while."

She tried to crawl higher – away from the Malkieri – when he suddenly grabbed her leg, keeping her from leaving. "I said I won't bed you."

"I heard you," Moiraine hissed. "I'm drunk, not deaf." Again, she tried to crawl backward, but Lan didn't let go of her. "Let go, Lan."

"You still don't understand, my love." The uncrowned king of Malkier pulled her toward him until her butt was barely sitting on the mattress any longer. "I said I won't bed you." He smiled when Moiraine furrowed her forehead in confusion. Why did he keep repeating that? "I never said I wouldn't take care of you."

Moiraine's eyes widened when Lan kneeled before her, pushing her legs apart and leaning in on her. Blood and ashes! He couldn't mean… Gasping, her head fell back when Lan's tongue started to explore the most intimate part of her. Insufferable man! "Lan."

But he couldn't answer. Lan was playing with her clit, then parted her vulva and entered her with two fingers. Moiraine moaned when he started to stretch her. She was already close to reaching her climax. If Lan continued like that, she wouldn't last long. "Lan."

"Come for me, Moiraine." The Malkieri must've felt how close she was because he picked up his pace, pumping faster into her while sucking hard on her little pearl.

"Lan, I… I can't… I'm close."

Lan hummed against her, and the vibration felt incredible on her sensitive skin. He added a third finger, stretching her even further, but it was the quick flicking of his tongue that brought her orgasm over her.

Screaming, Moiraine came, wrapping her thighs around Lan's head. His fingers were still pumping, and he sucked on her pearl to coax all the little waves of pleasure out of her. When his movements became too much, she released him and pulled back her hips.

The uncrowned king of Malkier understood and moved to his feet, cleaning his face, which was now smeared with Moiraine's arousal. Then, he started to undress.

Smiling, the Cairhien woman crawled higher while watching how he revealed his naked body to her. Her breathing was still shallow. "Did you change your mind?"

Lan's pants dropped to the floor, and he crawled into bed. Moiraine couldn't stop herself from looking at his erection. He was big, and drops of pre-cum leaked from his penis. "I haven't."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai lifted her eyes when she heard her Warder. He hadn't changed his mind? Then why did he undress? Lan leaned over her with a leg between hers. What was he planning?

"You didn't? Then why do you-"

Before she could finish her question, Lan had grabbed a breast, letting his thumb play with her stiff nipple. "I promised not to bed you and intend to keep my promise. However, I didn't say how often I would take care of you, my love." Moiraine's eyes widened. Lan couldn't mean-

Her Warder didn't wait until she had figured out his words. His hot mouth closed around the other nipple. In the meantime, his occupied hand released her breast and found its way between her legs.

Gasping, Moiraine grabbed his arm when his fingers moved over her oversensitive clit. "Wait. I need more time to recover."

"Nonsense." The Cairhien woman turned to her side to escape him but couldn't turn entirely because of Lan's hand and his leg between her legs, which never let go. His fingers rubbed her little pearl relentlessly. "Don't forget. I know your body, Moiraine. I know how much you can take and when you're truly satisfied. You wanted me. Well, we're just getting started, my love."

Moaning, Moiraine lay on her side while Lan played her body like a gleeman his flute. Soon, her pleasure was spiking again, and Lan rubbed her until her second orgasm crashed over her. It shouldn't be the last one that night.

Chapter Text

In the morning, Moiraine awoke when someone knocked at the door. "My Lord? My Lady? Are you awake?"

Groaning, the Cairhien woman buried her face in the pillow. Her head wasn't doing well, pounding uncomfortably. What had happened?

"My Lady?"

Moiraine tried to remember the name of the woman, but her head was still too tired to think clearly.

"I guess they're still asleep." Who was that woman talking to? "Let's give them more time. It was late when the last guests left last night."

Guests. Last night. Slowly, Moiraine's memories returned. They had given a ball to celebrate Lan's victory over the Shadowspawn, though it had actually been Lord Agelmar's idea to recruit more men for the fight against the Blight.

"Good morning."

An arm sneaked around her waist, pulling her back. Moiraine winced when she felt skin on skin and the penis of a man on her thigh. A part of her felt relieved when Lan's smell surrounded her. She was in bed with her husband. "Good morning," she responded hoarsely.

Then, the Cairhien woman realized something else. She was naked! Quickly, she lifted the blanket to check. Yes, she was wearing nothing but her bare skin. Shocked, she pressed the blanket closer to her chest. What had happened?

"Are you missing something?" Lan pushed himself on his elbow.

Moiraine blushed. Should she tell him? Light, she didn't want to hurt his feelings. Did they bed each other last night? Why couldn't she remember? "Do you know where I put my… nightgown?"

"Ah. Simple." Lan smiled. "It's hanging over your chair."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai turned her head, and her eyes widened. Her Warder was right. Her nightgown hung over the chair like it did every day when she didn't use it. Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. She hadn't put on her nightgown? Why should she do that?

Another memory returned. Caraline, making Moiraine drink her glass of wine. And then there was another glass. And another.

Slowly, the Cairhien woman understood what had happened. Apparently, she had too much wine and became drunk. What had she done in her drunk condition?

Suddenly, the blanket was pulled out of her hands, revealing her naked form to Lan's eyes. Moiraine shrieked and tried to cover herself, but Lan caught her hands and pinned them down beside her head.

"Don't," he whispered, kissing her softly before he moved his kisses down her throat. "You didn't have a problem seducing me with your body last night. Don't cover yourself now."

"Seducing?!" Moiraine almost choked at the word. She had seduced Lan?! Light, what had gotten into her?!

"Hmm," Lan hummed in agreement. "It was hard to hold myself back. Seeing you like that…" The Malkieri had reached her breasts, rubbing his cheek over her flesh. "… it was nearly impossible not to give in to my longing."

A small moan escaped Moiraine's lips when his cheek moved over her nipple. She felt her nipples turning stiff while her core started to pulse dangerously.

New memories returned. She saw herself dropping her underdress while Lan's eyes almost popped out of his head. She had lured him toward the bed. Her hand had caressed a breast before it had found her dripping center. She had done all those things before Lan's hungry eyes. Blood and ashes!

Embarrassed, the woman of the Blue Ajah covered her eyes with her hands. A small part of her realized Lan had let go of her and that he had placed his head on her belly, while the rest of her just wanted to disappear. She had tried to seduce Lan. What else had she done?

"Light. Did we…?" Shocked, Moiraine stared at Lan. She couldn't finish her question. Her fear about his answer… Did she feel different? Was her body telling her somehow that they had bed each other?

Amused, Lan lifted his head. "You have no memory about last night, do you?"

"I have… glimpses. Please tell me we didn't… I mean… I didn't make you…" Her cheeks were burning in embarrassment, and it didn't help that Lan kept smiling at her.

"I didn't bed you." Relief washed over Moiraine. They hadn't bedded each other. Those were good news. Quickly, she covered her face again. "I will never bed you when you're drunk. I want you to remember our nights."

"I can't believe I seduced you."

"Oh, I enjoyed it very much, my love." Lan placed a soft kiss on Moiraine's belly button. "Seeing you like that… well, it was a real pleasure to my eyes."

"I will never touch alc-" The First Oath cut her off. Cursing, Moiraine bit her tongue. Even the First Oath knew it would be a lie. Somehow, the alcohol would find its way into her hands. "Well, I'm glad you're stronger than me and didn't give in to my poorly seducing attempts."

The uncrowned king of Malkier paused for a heartbeat, then smiled. "You didn't convince me to bed you. I never said your attempts were unsuccessful."

Confused, the Cairhien woman furrowed her forehead. What was Lan talking about? "What do you mean? What else did I do?"

"Allow me to refresh your memory."

Curious, Moiraine took her hands down, then gasped. She hadn't noticed that Lan had moved his handsome body between her legs. With a wolfish grin on his lips, he parted her legs and lowered his face toward her pulsing center.

Moaning, Moiraine arched her back when his tongue touched her most intimate part. Bastard! She grabbed the linen, which wasn't helping at all. Lan's attention felt incredible.

His actions brought more memories back. Lan, taking her wet fingers into his mouth. Lan, pushing two fingers into her vagina. His hot mouth on her clit, licking and sucking until she screamed in pleasure.

"Lan."

"Hm." Humming, the Malkieri parted her vulva and pushed two fingers into her.

Again, Moiraine moaned out loud, one hand grabbing his hair. She wasn't sure why or what she intended to do because it didn't help at all. Her pleasure was slowly rising, especially when Lan started to rub that sensitive spot within her.

"Lan."

A knock at the door interrupted the beautiful moment. "My Lady?" It was Vera, who probably came to help Moiraine with her dress like every other morning. "Are you awake?"

Blood and ashes! That couldn't be true! Not right now! If Vera opened the door while Moiraine was… Of course, the uncrowned king of Malkier chose that moment to suck on her clit, drawing a moan out of the Cairhien woman.

"My Lady?"

Cursing, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed her Warder's head away from her core and glared at him. Innocently, he looked at her with big eyes while licking his lips. Insufferable man!

"I'm here, Vera," Moiraine called. She was relieved that her voice didn't tremble. "I'm awake."

"Is it a good moment to help you with your dress?"

Dear light! That silly girl thought about entering the room! Moiraine couldn't let that happen. She opened her mouth to tell her 'no' when Lan bent his fingers inside of her, hitting the sensitive spot within her. Her 'no' ended in a breathed 'oh'.

"No-oh." Light burned that arrogant man! How could he do that to her while she was talking to her maid?

"My Lady? Are you alright?"

"I said 'no', Vera. Now is not a good time." Grinning wildly, Lan freed his head, using his tongue to work on Moiraine. Another moan crossed her lips before she could stop it. Not good!

There was silence on the other side of the door. Had Vera left? Or was she thinking about entering?

"You have to give her something, or she will enter to check on you, my love."

Growling, the Cairhien woman pulled at the Malkieri's ear. He was giving her advice while he was the reason why she couldn't give clear answers? She should use the One Power on him to punish him.

"I don't wish to leave bed already. I need more time."

There was still no answer from Vera. Had the girl left without saying anything? Or was she eavesdropping, hoping to catch her lord and lady during their lovemaking?

Finally, she received a response, "Then I'll return later."

"Well done," Lan whispered, then went back to work. He pressed her thighs further apart and picked up his pace.

"Lan."

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't respond. He seemed determined to bring that orgasm over her.

"Lan." The pleasure was building quickly within Moiraine, and her breathing turned shallow. If Lan continued to lick her little pearl like that, she would… "Lan!"

Moiraine's orgasm crashed over her. Trembling, she tried to pull back her hips, but Lan held on to her, keeping her close to his mouth. He didn't stop licking and pumping until even the tiniest wave had subsided.

When the pleasure turned into pain, the Aes Sedai tried to push her Warder's head away, but he already felt it through the bond and stopped. Exhausted, Moiraine watched how Lan pushed himself on his knees, licking his lips and cleaning his wet face.

"There is still no better breakfast than my wife."

Blushing, Moiraine turned her head away. "Was it necessary to continue while Vera was standing outside?"

"Absolutely." Innocently, Lan crawled over her, kissing his way up. "You were close to reaching your orgasm."

Growling, Moiraine pulled at his ears. "That's no reason. I don't wish to entertain our staff."

"We are in the Borderlands, my love. We are used to hearing people bedding each other." Playfully, Lan bit her earlobe tenderly, then whispered, "Though there is nothing I love to hear more than the beautiful moans my wife makes when I take care of her." One hand found her breast, kneading it and drawing a moan from Moiraine. "Was I able to restore your memories?"

Oh, the Cairhien woman remembered very well now. She remembered seducing him with her naked body, begging him to bed her. Last night, Lan had refused to give in to her plea because she had been drunk. But now, she was sober. The question was if she was brave enough to seduce him a second time. The alcohol had helped to overcome her embarrassment, but the wish to bed Lan was still there, so she embraced Saidar.

Immediately, Lan straightened, checking the room for an attacker. She heard him cursing because he didn't have his sword or a dagger.

Endless love filled Moiraine's heart. That man needed a heartbeat to be prepared against enemies and didn't hesitate to protect her even though he didn't have a weapon on him.

It was easier to channel without his distractions. Her weave wrapped around his stiff body, throwing him on his back. Lan cursed when he felt the One Power and fought hard against her weaves. He didn't know it was her who did that to him.

Quickly, Moiraine moved over him, straddling him. The feeling of his skin on hers made her shiver since she was still holding on to Saidar. Everything was so much more intense with the One Power. She considered holding on to the power for a second, then released it. Feeling Lan was already electrifying. She didn't need the extra sensation.

Lan's eyes widened when he realized there was no attacker. "You… why…." He was confused.

Smiling, Moiraine placed her hands on his chest, tracing his muscles with her fingertips. "You're a big man, a'Lan Mandragoran. I need a little help to throw you on your back."

"Why would you want me on-"

"Do you remember what I asked of you last night?"

Lan turned silent, though the hunger returned to his eyes. Finally, his hands touched her waist gently. "Moiraine, you don't-"

"Do you remember?"

She wouldn't allow him to distract her again. The Malkieri grimaced, then said, "I remember. But- Oh!"

Lan's eyes almost popped out of his head, and Moiraine noticed he stopped breathing. Carefully, the Aes Sedai moved her body again, letting her wet entrance move over his hard cock once more. Lan hissed and dug his fingers into her hip.

Shocked, Moiraine pulled back her hips. Had that been too much? Was she hurting him? Maybe she should have asked what he liked.

"Would you rather enjoy it if I used my hand to-"

"Light, woman!" Moiraine shrieked when Lan pushed himself into a sitting position, capturing her lips with his. Then he used his hands to move her hips, rubbing her entrance over his cock. "Don't you dare stop," he breathed against her lips.

Longing filled the bond, and Lan's cock pressed against her entrance in anticipation. Moiraine smiled. Lan had accepted her plea. He was ready to bed her, and her movements brought him closer to his own orgasm.

The Aes Sedai wrapped her arms around her Warder's neck to pull him closer. Their lips met in a hungry kiss while she continued to move her hips with Lan's help. It felt wonderful to know she was responsible for his pleasure.

"Moiraine." Lan was close. Smiling, the Cairhien woman slowed her movements. She didn't want him to come yet – not while he hadn't entered her yet.

But her slowing allowed Lan to think again. Before she could say anything, one of Lan's hands disappeared between her legs, gently striking her clit. Moiraine gasped. That was not what she had in mind. "Lan!"

More memories of last night returned to her. Lan, bringing her pleasure over and over again. Either with his hand or his tongue, and sometimes, he used both. No angle seemed impossible for the Malkieri. His hands found a way toward her clit while she was lying on the bed or when she was sitting on his lap. Moiraine decided it was better she didn't know how many times her Warder had made her come last night.

But their current situation seemed like a repetition of last night. A situation when Lan had ensured she would reach her climax while he didn't.

Angrily, Moiraine pulled Lan's hand up. This time, it wouldn't end with her orgasm. Shocked at her reaction, Lan stopped touching her. Before she could think twice about her decision, the Aes Sedai reached between her legs and grabbed his erect cock. Her Warder hissed at her sudden touch.

"We won't focus on my pleasure this time." Lan opened his mouth – obviously to protest – so Moiraine squeezed his cock. Her cheeks were burning from embarrassment. Never before had she touched a man like that, but she didn't want a repetition of last night. "Not this time, Lan."

"Moiraine-"

"I'm not drunk."

Lan closed his mouth, and his face softened. "I know."

"Last night, you said you wouldn't bed me because I wasn't myself. Well, now, I'm not drunk. And I want you. I want you to…" Her throat felt dry, but she couldn't turn back now. She had to say it. "I want you to bed me." The last two words barely crossed her lips. Light! Why was that so hard?!

"Moiraine, I-"

"I want you to claim me as yours." Shocked, Lan's eyes widened. "Everything feels… out of place since you found me under that tree. And I know I'm mainly responsible because I refused to believe you. I refused to believe you and I could be real. But I believe it now. And I want that back. I want us back. You're my husband, a'Lan Mandragoran, and I'm your wife. So, I want you to claim me-"

The Cairhien woman shrieked when the Malkieri suddenly lifted her hips. She let go of him to steady herself by grabbing his shoulders. In the next second, a gasp escaped her lips when he pulled her back down. The tip of his penis parted her vulva, stretching her while impaling her slowly.

"You are mine," Lan growled. "Nothing will ever change that."

"Lan-"

"Mine." Moiraine moaned when Lan buried himself completely within her. He was big and stretched her inner walls, but it felt right. This was real. That was where she belonged. She was el'Moiraine ti Damodred Mandragoran, wife of a'Lan Mandragoran, and his future queen of Malkier.

Grunting, Lan started to move within her. Moiraine felt like her blood was on fire, but she couldn't scream. The feeling of Lan's cock stretching her vagina turned all her screams into moans. That man knew how to treat a woman.

"Who do you belong to?"

Moiraine couldn't focus. All she could hear was their skins slapping together and the pleasure building within them. But Lan wanted an answer. One hand pinched her nipple to help her focus.

"Who do you belong to?"

"You," the Cairhien woman breathed. Her blood rushed in her ears. Light! Why was she burning?

"Louder. Everyone shall know." The hand, which had pinched her nipple, disappeared between her legs, rubbing her sensitive clit.

"Lan!" Gasping, the Aes Sedai held on to her Warder while he turned her pleasure higher and higher.

"Who do you belong to?"

"You." Did he want her to scream? Surely, he had been joking when he said he wanted everyone to hear them. He couldn't… Lan increased his pressure on her clit, and Moiraine called, "You!"

"That's right." Hungrily, Lan kissed her, never slowing down in his relentless pace. Both their climaxes were building up. "Never forget that."

Moiraine wanted to say something, but Lan pushed into her hard, hitting her sweet spot. Screaming, she came. Her inner walls tightened around Lan's cock, bringing the man's own release over him.

Panting, they held on to each other, waiting for the waves to fade. Sweat glistened on their bodies, but Moiraine didn't feel cold. Her body was still on fire.

Suddenly, Lan chuckled. "I forgot how incredible a combined orgasm feels." Then he cupped Moiraine's cheek. "How do you feel?"

The Aes Sedai felt a lot of things momentarily. Especially, her boiling blood worried her, but she didn't want her Warder to worry. This moment was about them – their reunion. Smiling, she responded, "Like I'm finally home."

The uncrowned king of Malkier copied her smile. "Welcome home, my love." His lips found hers in a sweet kiss while his arms wrapped around her body, holding her close.

When they were both out of air, they broke apart, though they didn't let go of each other. Moiraine was the first to break the silence. "I guess we should wash ourselves before Vera returns to get me dressed."

"Hmm," Lan hummed, agreeing. Then he tilted his head. "Or…." Without a warning, he fell on his back, pulling Moiraine with him, then rolled her on her back, leaning over her. "… we just stay in bed today."

Moiraine chuckled when the man started to place kisses on her throat. "Lan. We can't. Lord Agelmar will-"

"Leave Agelmar to me," the Malkieri cut her off. "Let's focus on us and what we need."

"And what do you need a'Lan Mandragoran?"

"This room, this bed, and my wife."

"Don't you think you also need food?"

Lan smiled wolfishly. "I have all the food I need right here in our bed." And as if he wanted to prove to her that he didn't need anything else, Lan lowered his head and kissed Moiraine.

Chapter Text

Lanfear's POV

Angrily, Lanfear followed the Wisdom through the streets of Falme. Today, she had taken the form of a Whitecloak to get close to that annoying Cairhien woman. She never felt comfortable wearing a male form, but she couldn't use her old disguise as Miasa since she had spoken about that trick in front of the Wisdom. Although, she wasn't sure how much the girl had understood that day. She had been pretty shocked when Lanfear had transformed from Moiraine's Warder into her true self right before her eyes. But the daughter of the night hadn't thought she would be in need of a disguise anymore. How wrong she had been.

According to Nynaeve, she was still treating the Malkieri's 'wife', so the young commander kept sending his men with her to ensure she was no Aes Sedai. It was that information that had turned Lanfear's stomach upside down. How was that silly little Aes Sedai still alive?

It had been a week now since Lanfear had poisoned Moiraine and sent her spirit to the other world. No one had lasted longer than a few days after being infected. Once the person believed the fake life, the poison in their real body stopped the heart from beating, and the person died. Simple as that. And since the spirit of the other Moiraine was braindead after Lanfear's attack, there was no one actively fighting against the poison.

"Are you alright?" The second Whitecloak touched Lanfear's arm, and she nearly ripped his throat out for touching her. "Did you notice anything?"

At the last moment, Lanfear remembered that she pretended to be a Whitecloak and tried to relax. "No, I'm not alright. We waste our time with that nonsense while we should be searching for that man who claims he is the prophesized Dragon Reborn."

Nodding, the other man let go of her. "I know what you mean. I'm tired of following that woman."

Suddenly, Nynaeve stopped in the middle of the street, and they almost ran into her. Furiously, she snapped at them, "If you're so tired of following me, maybe you should talk to your commander, convincing him that I'm a simple Wisdom who uses herbs to help her patients and not magic! That would help us all not to be bothered by one another!"

Lanfear thought if she should respond to that, but the other Whitecloak took over. "Our commander isn't convinced you're just a Wisdom. So, we'll follow you until something changes."

"You mean until my patient dies."

The Whitecloak shrugged his shoulder. "If that's what the Light has planned for that sick woman, then it will happen."

"You're disgusting!"

The young woman from the Two Rivers continued her path while mumbling some curses about stubborn men. A part of Lanfear was impressed at the bravery of that young woman.

"Light," the other men mumbled. "I wish the commander would let us kill that sick woman instead of watching her die slowly."

Moiraine should already be dead for days, Lanfear thought but didn't say it out loud. Instead, she said, "Let's follow her." She had to see with her own two eyes that the heart of that foolish woman was still beating.

Nynaeve only allowed one Whitecloak to stay within the room, so Lanfear offered to do it while the other Whitecloak remained at the door. What she saw made her blood boil. Moiraine's Warder had placed her body on the bed, and it was obvious that the woman was still breathing. Her chest was moving, though it was barely there. The poison was still in her veins since she was having one hell of a fever for a week now, and Lanfear knew it wouldn't lower until the woman was dead. No matter what Nynaeve did, her herbs were useless against the fever.

But the more important question was, how was Moiraine still alive? Was that woman so headstrong that she refused to believe the fake life? Lanfear had chosen a life close to the lie the Aes Sedai had lived in Falme to make it easier to confuse her. Was it possible Moiraine would never fall for her Warder? Was she truly not interested in the man? Could that be the reason why she was still alive? Lanfear had never heard about a victim who didn't believe the lie.

"I almost lost her three times today."

Surprised, Lanfear turned her attention toward the Warder. The man looked like shit. It was apparent he barely slept and didn't eat and drink enough to keep his strength up. He was pale like a ghost, and the daughter of the night was certain he would fall to his knees if she gave him a push. Right now, he rubbed his face tiredly while Nynaeve checked on Moiraine.

"Did you notice anything else?" The Wisdom asked.

"I had the feeling her fever increased – if that's even possible. I wouldn't have been surprised if her skin had caught fire at some point."

Interesting.

So, Moiraine did believe the lie – at least occasionally. Whenever she did that, the poison stopped her heart. Even the fever increased, which told Lanfear that Moiraine had reached the phase when the victim felt horrible as soon as it thought about the fake life being real, which only happened after the victim had started to believe the lie. But why was she still alive when she believed it?

Was it possible that the Cairhien woman had found out about how to turn off the pain? That thinking about the fake life would cause pain while thinking about reality would make the pain stop at that point?

Cursing, Lanfear gritted her teeth. She knew Moiraine was a smart woman, but no one had ever found out about that. Blood and ashes! What was that woman doing in that other world?! Apparently, there was no other way than to pay her a visit if Lanfear wanted answers.

Moiraine's POV

Moiraine couldn't be more happier. Since she and Lan had started to bed each other again, it felt like everything had gone back to how it had been before the attack on her. She and Lan used every available moment to compensate for the lost time, and Moiraine couldn't understand how she could've kept Lan at a distance. That man was incredible in bed, and she loved every second of it.

Additionally, she was able to spend time with Kera. The lovely girl was thrilled that Moiraine had her memories back and couldn't get enough of Moiraine's attention.

Everything was great… except for her health. Since the morning Lan had bedded her, Moiraine noticed she felt different. Her body was no longer feeling like she was burning, but day by day, she felt a little weaker. It wasn't much – and Lan hadn't noticed it by now – but it worried Moiraine. She still had no explanation for why her body had felt like it was burning from the inside during their bedding.

"Moiraine?"

But who could help her? She didn't want to involve the Healer Bianca. Herbs would surely not be helpful. But asking Alanna for help? Would she tell the Amyrlin about Moiraine's weakness? Moiraine didn't want Siuan to know about that. A weakness could be deadly when the most powerful woman in the world thought of you as a Darkfriend. Maybe-

"Moiraine."

Lan's hand on her arm broke Moiraine's concentration. Blinking, she returned to the dining room. They were having breakfast and had talked… Moiraine couldn't remember. Her thoughts had consumed her.

"Where are your thoughts, my love? Do you wish to talk to me about something? Is something worrying you?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier wasn't saying it, but Moiraine could see the worry in his eyes. He feared she was still haunted by that nightmare. Quickly, she brought a smile to her lips and took his hand.

"Forgive me. I got lost in my thoughts. What did we talk about?"

It wasn't working. The look on Lan's face told her he didn't buy it. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. "You know you can talk to me, right? I'm here if you need me."

"I know."

"Then don't give me that fake smile." Immediately, her smile faded. She should've known that Lan would see right through it. "It's alright not to feel well. All I'm asking for is that you talk to me." Lan pressed another kiss on her fingers. "Don't keep your worries to your-"

The door opened with a bang. Both Moiraine and Lan were on their feet in a heartbeat. Lan even had his sword in his hands. Moiraine thought about embracing the source but stopped when she saw who had entered the room.

None other than the Amyrlin Seat herself walked into the dining room. Moiraine was convinced she had to be dreaming. Siuan Sanche in their house?! Now, she truly felt sick. What was she supposed to do?!

Behind the Tairen woman, Alanna entered the room with hanging shoulders. She threw an apologetic look at the Cairhien woman, then closed the door behind her and lowered her head like she wished not to be seen.

"Mother."

Moiraine cursed herself for letting her voice tremble but couldn't suppress her fear. The way they had parted ways…

Returning to the White Tower had never felt so wrong. All this time, Moiraine had a goal before her eyes – a purpose. She made plans about how long they stayed in Tar Valon, what they needed for their next journey, and where they would go next. Only now, she didn't have a plan.

The Dragon Reborn was dead – killed by an army of Trollocs. Tarmon Gaidon wasn't happening until the Wheel returned the soul of the Dragon Reborn once again. By then, Moiraine would be long dead.

Egwene, the young girl from the Two Rivers who had accompanied her and Lan, went with Sheriam Sedai, the Mistress of Novices. She was very powerful and thought about becoming a Novice. But first, she needed a bath and a bed to rest.

Moiraine had forgotten about the girl quickly. She had bigger problems to worry about. She had to inform Siuan about the Dragon's death. All those years of planning and working secretly to find the Dragon Reborn before anyone can kill him. It was all over.

While she and Lan walked through the corridors of the White Tower, she felt Lan's worries through the bond. He didn't say anything or try to cheer her up, which she was thankful for. She could barely handle her own feelings right now. If Lan would try to make her feel better… Moiraine didn't know what she would do then.

They reached the Amyrlin's office. Behind the first door sat Leane, the Keeper of the Chronicles. No one saw the Amyrlin without her asking for permission. Moiraine didn't go along very well with Leane. Although Leane also belonged to the Blue Ajah, she couldn't stop thinking about how close Leane was to Siuan. It was hard to believe Siuan didn't find comfort in another woman's arms when Moiraine wasn't available.

When the Cairhien woman and Malkieri entered, Leane raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Moiraine?" Then she noticed Lan and jumped to her feet. "What is going on?"

"I need to speak to the Amyrlin." A second door led to the Amyrlin's office but was closed. If Leane decided not to open the door…

Leane let her eyes move over Moiraine warily, then straightened and rearranged her stole. "You need to make an appointment. The Amyrlin is-"

"Now, Leane!" Moiraine raised her voice on purpose. If Leane refused to let her in, there was only one person who could open that door for her, and that was Siuan herself.

The Keeper of the Chronicles crossed her arms before her chest. Her face was emotionless, but her eyes were cold as ice. "It seems like you forgot how things work in the Tower, Moiraine Sedai. On the road, you may behave as you please, but in the Tower, you have to obey our rules like everyone else."

"What I have to say cannot-"

"And now, you may leave." Leane raised her voice, too. She didn't like to repeat herself. "I will let the Amyrlin know that you wish to see her. If she decides to- "

"What is going on here?"

The doors had opened, and Siuan Sanche had appeared. Her eyes widened when she recognized Moiraine, and she took a deep breath. "Moiraine Sedai."

"Mother." The Cairhien woman bowed her head respectfully. "Forgive my hastiness, but I can't wait for an appointment."

Leane opened her mouth and took a deep breath – probably to throw Moiraine and Lan out – but Siuan interfered. "It's alright, Daughter. I thank you for your concern, but I will talk to Moiraine Sedai."

The Keeper of the Chronicles looked like she was sick. She closed her mouth, pressed her lips into a thin line, and said, "As you wish, Mother. I will guide Moiraine-"

"That won't be necessary. I'll talk to her alone."

"Mother." Leane looked like she would faint. Her voice begged Siuan to think about her decision again.

And she wasn't the only one. Lan stepped beside Moiraine, but the Amyrlin shook her head. "The same goes for you, Lan Gaidin. You can stand watch if you must, but you will do it from here."

Moiraine felt Lan's eyes on her, waiting for her order. She knew she would feel better if he followed her inside, but Siuan had spoken as the Amyrlin Seat. If she wished to talk to Moiraine alone, she couldn't say otherwise.

Anxiously, the Cairhien woman gave him a small smile. "I'll be alright."

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't look convinced, and his feelings through the bond told her he didn't like her decision, yet he didn't say anything. Nodding, he placed himself beside the door with his hands crossed behind his back, staring at the opposite wall. He wouldn't move until Moiraine returned.

Thankfully, Moiraine sent her admiration through the bond, then followed Siuan into her office. The doors closed behind her with a bang, which made her wince. Light, the situation pulled at her nerves! She needed-

Siuan was there before the woman of the Blue Ajah could finish her thought, pressing her lips on Moiraine's. Hungrily, the Tairen woman kissed the Cairhien woman, not noticing Moiraine's weak attempts to free herself.

"Siuan," she breathed between two kisses. "We… can't… Leane."

"I don't care." Slowly, Siuan pushed Moiraine backward until they met the wall. "Do you have any idea how much I missed you?"

Siuan's hands were everywhere. Moiraine wished nothing more than to have that moment with her, but Lan's presence in her mind reminded her that he was waiting for her outside. He was there to support her, not to stay guard while she was having fun.

"Siuan," Moiraine tried again. "We can't-"She shrieked when one of Siuan's hands moved inside her pants. Luckily, the Tairen woman reacted quickly by covering Moiraine's mouth with her hand to suffocate the sound.

"Shh, love. No sound. You don't want Leane to hear us, do you?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah moaned when her lover found her clit and started to rub it. Blood and ashes! This was not the time for that!

"Good girl," Siuan purred. "See? It isn't that hard. Let me take care of you."

"Siuan, no. I have to tell you-ah!"

Two slender fingers had found Moiraine's entrance, pushing their way inside. Panting, Moiraine grabbed Siuan's hand. She couldn't think like that!

The Amyrlin leaned forward, tenderly biting the Cairhien woman's earlobe, then whispered, "Let me take care of you, pufferfish. You've been gone such a long time."

Moiraine wanted to respond, but suddenly, her pants slipped over her hips, followed by her smallclothes. Siuan kneeled before her, spreading her lover's legs to gain access to her pulsing core. How did she open Moiraine's pants?!

Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah placed her hands on her pillow-friend's head to keep her from her core. Siuan's tongue would be her ending. "Siuan! Please!"

The Tairen woman pouted. "Light, Moiraine. You have been way more fun during our Novice days."

"This is the Amyrlin's office," Moiraine reminded her in a hissing tone while pulling her pants and smallclothes back up. "And we didn't even shield it."

"A shield would tell every sister that we have something to hide," Siuan hissed back. Then she narrowed her eyes at Moiraine warily. "Or is there another reason for you blocking me? Did someone else take care of your needs?

Shocked, the Cairhien woman looked at her lover. Was she serious? "How can you ask me that? For the last twenty years, I've traveled the world, searching for the Dragon Reborn. I don't have time to take care of my needs, let alone the privacy to get intimate with someone."

"You want to tell me the lionfish isn't sharing a room with you when you rent one?" Jealousy shone in Siuan's eyes, and she started to walk up and down the room.

Moiraine couldn't believe they had that talk now. She was here because of more important news! "You mean Lan?! He is my Warder, Siuan. We never-"

"You wouldn't be the first Aes Sedai who beds her Warder. Some even marry them. And you two are traveling for twenty years, barely staying in this Tower for more than a few days. No one knows exactly what you two are doing when you're not here."

"You know bloody well what we've been doing out there."

Siuan waved dismissively. "Twenty years, and you're still no closer to finding the Dragon than you have been in the beginning."

The words hurt. Did Siuan have so little faith in Moiraine? What was she thinking Moiraine was doing all the time? "I found the Dragon."

Immediately, the Amyrlin stopped walking. Her eyes had widened in shock. "The girl from the Two Rivers?"

Light! News still traveled fast in the Tower! Not even an hour since their arrival had passed, yet Siuan already knew about Egwene.

"No." For a heartbeat, Moiraine considered asking Lan to join her. She could use his strength for her next words. But it was better if he stayed outside with Siuan's rising jealousy. "But he lived there. His name was Rand al'Thor."

Of course, Siuan noticed Moiraine spoke about the past. "He LIVED there? Where is he now?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say it. She had thought about her words countless times during their travel from the Two Rivers to Tar Valon, but not once had something good come to her mind. Ashamed, she lowered her head. "He is dead."

Silence filled the room. Moiraine didn't know what else to say. She herself had had a hard time accepting that the redhead wasn't under the living any longer. For twenty years, she and Lan had searched for the boy, and then a Trolloc attack ended their search when they finally found him.

"Tell me you're joking." Surprisingly, Siuan's voice was calm.

"There was a Trolloc attack in the Two Rivers. I have no idea how they got there, but they were after the boy. Lan and I did our best to fight against them, but we were outnumbered. The Trollocs-"

Slap! The slap to the face stung and let the Cairhien woman freeze. She wasn't sure if she understood what just happened. Her cheek was burning, but her brain refused to put the pieces together. Did Siuan-

"Twenty years! We worked for twenty years to find him! I worked my ass off to protect you from our sisters during your absence while you enjoyed your life on the road!" Enjoying her life on the road?! Moiraine couldn't believe what she was hearing. "And now you return to tell me he is dead?!"

It was hard to take deep breaths and stay calm – especially with her cheek still burning – but the Cairhien woman knew her lover was just shocked. She didn't mean what she was saying. "I didn't know Rand was the Dragon until I saw him channeling against the Trollocs. He had no training, yet he fought against those monsters, and I'm certain he would've killed them all if they hadn't attacked his father. It distracted him, and a Trolloc-"

Slap! Rage rolled over the Cairhien woman when the second slap to the face hit her. Once was a mistake. Twice… could still be a mistake. Right?

"You failed, Moiraine." It was a different kind of slap and hurt even worse. "It was your task to find the Dragon Reborn – alive! – but you return with empty hands."

"I didn't know Rand was the Dragon. Once I found out, I did everything in my power to protect him from the attacks."

"Protect him?" The Amyrlin snorted, then her eyes became cold as ice. "You didn't protect him. You let him die."

"You weren't there! You don't know against how many Trollocs we fought!"

"Were you fighting against them?"

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. What was Siuan talking about? She knew Moiraine couldn't lie. Did she believe Moiraine made up the Trolloc army? "Of course I did. But I wasn't-"

"Or were you the one who called the Trollocs to the Two Rivers?"

This time, the Cairhien woman took a step back as if the Tairen woman had slapped her a third time in the face. Her legs felt weak, and her hands were trembling. Now, she would rather get another slap to the face.

"Siuan-"

Saidar surrounded the Amyrlin, and Moiraine recognized the quick movements to shield someone from the One Power. Without thinking twice, she also embraced the One Power, placing a shield between herself and Siuan.

"Darkfriend!" Siuan hissed, still not letting go of Saidar. "I can't believe I let you fool me for that long!"

"I'm not a Darkfriend, and I didn't call those Trollocs. Rand's death-"

"You compromised this mission from the beginning, didn't you?!"

Suddenly, the doors opened with a bang, and Lan and Leane entered the room.

"Moiraine!"

"Mother!"

Siuan saw her chance. "She is a Darkfriend! Shield her!"

Luckily, the Keeper of the Chronicles was too shocked to move. Lan used her shock to draw a dagger, pressing it against Leane's throat. "I would think about that," he growled.

"Lan, don't!" Moiraine said. Blood and ashes! That situation was getting out of hand quickly!

"She called you a Darkfriend and ordered Leane to shield you!"

"And we both know it's not true. Let Leane go."

Lan grimaced, then shook his head. "I won't risk it that she shields you. Come here, Moiraine."

The woman of the Blue Ajah threw a last sad glance at her lover. "I'm not a Darkfriend. I will never give in to the Dark One. I'm still bound to the Three Oaths, so I can't lie."

Siuan growled. "I will prove it. Our sisters will see who you truly are, Moiraine Damodred."

Heavy-heartedly, Moiraine walked to Lan and Leane. "I'm sorry, Leane. I don't mean to use you as a shield. I hope you know Lan won't hurt you."

The Keeper of the Chronicles took a deep breath, then nodded. "Leave. You won't need me as a shield."

"Not a chance," Lan responded. "I won't risk-"

"I swear not to follow you, not to stop you, or to use the One Power against you. I will not stand in your way while you leave the Tower."

"Leane!" Siuan wasn't amused about Leane's words, but the Keeper of the Chronicles didn't look at the Amyrlin. Her eyes were focused on the opposite wall, waiting for Lan to act.

Moiraine noticed that her Warder was still hesitating, so she placed a gentle hand on his arm. "Lan. Let go of her. Leane is also bound by the Three Oaths. She won't stop us."

The uncrowned king of Malkier wasn't convinced but obeyed finally. Together, the Aes Sedai and her Warder left the Tower, fleeing from Siuan's rage.

Chapter Text

Moiraine took a deep breath. Her fight with Siuan had happened years ago. Not once had the Amyrlin Seat reached out for her and also hadn't been able to prove that Moiraine was indeed a Darkfriend. But why was she here now? Did Alanna summon her? What did she tell Siuan?

"What do you want here?" Lan didn't bother to play nice. He still hadn't forgotten about Siuan's accusation. "Mother." He made the title sound like an insult.

Carefully, Moiraine placed a hand on his arm to calm him. Fighting against the Amyrlin Seat was nothing she'd liked to do.

Luckily, Siuan simply raised an eyebrow at Lan's tone, then faced Moiraine. "I got informed you've been attacked, Daughter, so I came here to ensure myself about your well-being."

Lan's muscles tensed under Moiraine's hand. They all knew Siuan wasn't here to help. The attack had happened weeks ago. If Siuan still cared about Moiraine, she would have arrived sooner. No, the Amyrlin was here to see if the Blue was painfully dying due to her injuries.

"I'm feeling better now, Mother." There was no need to tell her Alanna had healed her. There weren't many Aes Sedai around to heal someone.

Siuan nodded shortly, then started to walk through the room. Moiraine never took her eyes off the Tairen woman. They couldn't use the One Power as a weapon, but Siuan had decided that Moiraine was an enemy who needed to be taken care of. Anything was possible, and she wouldn't allow her former lover to shield her.

"Lord Agelmar approached me, telling me about your impressive victory over the… Shadowspawn."

Siuan's eyes found Moiraine's. Nothing had changed. Moiraine saw in the Tairen woman's eyes that she still believed the Cairhien woman was a Darkfriend, though she had no proof.

Lan growled, but Moiraine straightened herself, lifting her chin. She wasn't scared of Siuan – not here, not in their home. "We'll continue to fight against the Dark One's army until the day we die. It would be helpful to have Aes Sedai on our side, who support our men. Good men are dying because they refuse to give up to the dark."

Siuan nodded. "I heard about your involvement during the battle." She didn't sound impressed. "And Alanna's." This time, the Amyrlin shot an angry look at the Green Sister.

Moiraine wondered if every sister had been ordered not to help her. It had to be frustrating for Siuan to know the woman from Arafel was still a friend of Moiraine's.

For a moment, it looked like Alanna wouldn't say anything, then she lifted her head, facing the Amyrlin Seat. "Freeing Malkier from the Dark One's grip would be a huge victory over the dark, Mother. Those men fight day and night against the Shadowspawn, and I have no doubt they can win this battle with the help of Aes Sedai. Even a few sisters would make a huge difference."

"You shouldn't have been there in the first place!" Siuan snapped at Alanna. "You had clear instructions, Daughter!"

"Blinded by rage," Alanna murmured, but not quietly enough.

"What was that, Daughter?!"

The situation escalated quickly, and Moiraine saw that Alanna wanted to start a fight with Siuan. So, when the Green opened her mouth, Moiraine jumped in before she could say anything stupid.

"Alanna delved me, Mother."

Ashamed, Alanna lowered her head again. She wasn't proud of what she had done to Moiraine. At least Moiraine's words calmed Siuan's rage. Annoyed, Siuan turned toward Moiraine. "I heard."

"Then you were also informed that Alanna didn't find anything that proved I'm a Darkfriend."

"That proves nothing!" Siuan's anger was back, redirected now on Moiraine. Angrily, she moved in on the woman of the Blue Ajah. "Delving may have not worked, but I know the truth!"

The uncrowned king of Malkier stepped between the Amyrlin and the Cairhien woman. He couldn't channel but would protect his wife at any cost.

Siuan threw a disgusted look at him. "Lan Mandragoran comes to the rescue – like always. How long did you wait until you decided to marry her? A week? Two? I guess it wasn't enough anymore that she shared your bed and sucked your-"

"Two years!" Lan responded angrily. "We waited two years, as you know very well since you received an invitation like everyone else!"

Moiraine couldn't believe it. After all those years, Siuan was still jealous of Lan. Did that mean she was still in love with Moiraine? Was it all an act to call her a Darkfriend?

"And since you have a wife now and a house, I'm assuming we will soon hear about your wife being pregnant with an heir of yours." Siuan's eyes moved to Moiraine's belly. "Or maybe she already is? What is it, Daughter? Is there already a little Mandragoran growing in your belly?"

The Cairhien woman felt the urge to place her hands over her belly. She and Lan weren't trying to bring a new life into that world, though they also weren't doing anything to prevent it from happening. If the wheel decided to give them a child, it would happen at some point.

"I'm not pregnant, Mother," Moiraine said coldly. "And any future plans regarding a possible child are solely the concern of my husband and me."

Siuan definitely didn't like that answer. Anger shone in her eyes, and she opened her mouth to give another biting comment, but Alanna jumped in and interrupted her. "Moiraine is no Darkfriend, Mother."

"You already said that," Siuan snapped at her. "But just because you didn't find anything during your delving doesn't mean-"

"Moiraine nearly burned out, fighting against the Trolloc army."

Surprised, the Tairen woman raised her eyebrows. "What?"

Even Moiraine was surprised. "I did not."

Alanna snorted. "Light, Moiraine. Do you have any idea what you did there? You set the Blight on fire and would've gone further if I hadn't stopped you."

"I tried to stop the Trollocs to give the army a break. But I barely-"

"You almost collapsed when you let go of Saidar," Alanna reminded her.

Nervously, the Cairhien woman licked her lips. She remembered that her feet had given way, and Alanna had given her some water. But burning out?

"Leave us, Daughter." Calmly, Siuan folded her hands before her, wearing her perfect Aes Sedai mask. No one would've believed she had been angry a moment ago if Moiraine hadn't been there. What was she planning now? And why did she want Alanna to leave?

The Green Sister hesitated, throwing questioning glances at the Blue. Finally, Moiraine nodded. She still had Lan with her. Siuan wouldn't try anything in Fal Dara.

"I'll wait outside."

The door closed behind Alanna, and the remaining two women looked at each other. It was the Amyrlin who broke the silence first. "You nearly burned out?"

Moiraine shrugged her shoulders. "I don't remember. I wanted to save as many lives of our men as possible." And then she added, "Especially the life of my husband."

Siuan winced and looked away, and Moiraine almost grinned. She had mentioned Lan on purpose, knowing it would hurt her former lover. So, it was true. The Tairen woman still cared about Moiraine. What about her accusation? Is that just Siuan's way of protecting her injured heart? Moiraine decided to find out.

"You know I'm not a Darkfriend."

Pain shone in the Amyrlin's eyes when she looked at Moiraine. "Do I? For decades, I thought I knew you. And then everything changed."

"No," the Blue responded. "Nothing changed. You declared me as a Darkfriend because our mission has been a failure. We didn't find him in time to save him, and your anger turned against me. I have no imagination how hard it had been for you to sit in the Tower – waiting for Lan and me to return with good news – while navigating Tower politics and keeping our sisters from hunting me down. But I always thought that you knew how much I loved you."

Tears formed in Siuan's eyes, though there was no tremble in her voice when she said, "I wasn't blind, Moiraine. I could see how much your precious Warder meant to you. And he was clearly falling for you."

"Lan and I never bed each other during our travels."

"I know you two shared a bed countless times over the years. You don't expect me to believe-"

Growling, Moiraine stepped before her former lover until their noses almost touched. "Look at me, Siuan. Lan and I never bed each other during our travels." There. She saw the first crack in Siuan's wall. She started to doubt the silly illusion she had come up with. "Yes, I loved him for years, but not in a romantic way. He was my best friend. My partner. My soulmate. But my heart was always with you." Siuan opened her mouth and reached out for Moiraine, who took a step backward quickly. Her face was hard. "Until you crushed it when you called me a Darkfriend and tried to shield me."

"Moiraine," Siuan whispered apologetically, but the Cairhien woman shook her head and took another step back.

"I'm not a Darkfriend. Our mission has failed, but I will continue to fight against the Dark One with everything I have. I refuse to let him win. And I will do this as el'Moiraine ti Damodred Mandragoran, wife of a'Lan Mandragoran." Lan's hand was there, intertwining their fingers like he had known she had needed him. They were a team in good times and bad. "So, this is us, begging the Amyrlin Seat for help. Please send some sisters to support our men in their battle against the shadow. Show the people of the Borderlands that the White Tower supports everyone in need, Mother."

A single tear rolled over Siuan's cheek. "I will think about your request, Daughter." Then she straightened her back. "I have to return to the Fortress. Lord Agelmar awaits me."

"Do you need someone to escort you to the Fortress, Mother?" Being so formal around each other felt strange, but that was the way Siuan had chosen for them.

Luckily, Siuan shook her head. "Alric waits downstairs. He keeps… Alanna's Warders company." In other words, Alanna's Warders ensured the meeting with the Amyrlin wouldn't end in a terrible fight.

Moiraine bowed her head respectfully. "Light be with you."

"Light be with you," Siuan whispered. Then her eyes fell on Lan, who hadn't bowed. "Watch over her, Lan Mandragoran."

"Like I've always done. No harm will come to her, Mother."

The Amyrlin Seat nodded, then left the dining room. All tension left Moiraine's body once the door closed behind her former lover. What a terrible way to start a day.

After Siuan's departure, Moiraine paid Aldieb a visit. She needed the wonderful mare to calm down. She still couldn't believe it. Siuan never thought she was a Darkfriend. Her jealousy had blinded her, and she had pulled the other Aes Sedai in it.

But why did she give Alanna the order to delve me? Was it easier to hate me when she thought about me as a Darkfriend?

Jealousy. Moiraine shook her head in disbelief. Yes, she also had been jealous of Leane but never thought differently about Siuan because of it. A part of her even understood that life in the Tower could be lonely. She never expected the Tairen woman to live celibacy, waiting years for Moiraine's return. As long as her heart had belonged to Moiraine.

I worked my ass off to protect you from our sisters during your absence while you enjoyed your life on the road!

After hearing Gitara's vision and going through with their plan, they had talked countless times about reversing their parts. But no matter how often they thought about it, there had always been one big problem with the plan…

"That creature isn't listening."

Moiraine sighed heavily. "The stallion is confused. You move too much, Siuan, so he doesn't know where to go."

"I'm trying to keep my balance here, but it keeps moving."

"It's a horse. Of course, he moves. He is a living being."

"Well, then he should start moving like I… Don't go there! Right! Not left! The other right!" Cursing, Siuan pulled at the reins while the brown stallion under her threw his head around. "Will you stop?!"

Sighing, the Cairhien woman leaned on the wooden fence. That woman. She loved Siuan with all her heart, but Siuan wasn't made for horses. "Use your thighs. Press your right thigh against his flank if you want him to go there."

"I'm trying! But he keeps ignoring me!"

It was useless. Siuan couldn't work with the stallion. Not once did Moiraine see her working with her thighs. She always tried to use the reins, but the stallion refused to listen. Ultimately, the Tairen woman gave up and dismounted. Grumbling, she led the stallion back to Moiraine.

"This one is also not the right one."

The Cairhien woman shook her head. "Siuan. That's what you said about the last ten horses. I hate to say it, but I don't think you will find a horse that will fit."

"It's not my fault," the Tairen woman defended herself, pouting. "They sway too much and don't listen to my orders."

"They sway too much?" A chuckle escaped Moiraine's lips. "Didn't you grow up on a boat? Who else, if not you, knows more about a swaying underground and can deal with it?"

"There is a big difference between horses and boats. Boats don't have a brain. They don't decide not to listen to their captain. If the captain guides his boat windward, it goes there. If he decides to go leeward, the boat smoothly obeys. If the sea gets rough and the boat starts to sway, a captain knows how to balance himself. But sitting on those creatures?" Siuan shook her head. "They refuse to listen."

Moiraine laughed. "Maybe this isn't working because you compare them to boats? When you ride a horse, you have to trust him or her to carry you safely. It's not a lifeless thing you can navigate as you please. You have to work together."

"I'm the captain. I'm giving the orders." Obviously, Siuan couldn't see she was the problem. "Maybe I should just use a ship to search for the baby."

A ship? Moiraine fought hard not to burst out in laughter. Sometimes, the Tairen woman had… interesting ideas. "A ship? Sure. And how do you intend to reach all those cities and villages that don't have a connection to the ocean or a river? By foot?"

The anger in Siuan's eyes told Moiraine that her friend knew very well how stupid her idea was. Yet, she refused to admit it. "I could ask travelers to give me a ride on a wagon."

"Travelers? Are you out of your mind? You can't ask strangers to give you a ride. What if they betray you? No one would know what happened to you."

Siuan raised an eyebrow. "You're not much better. Running through the world alone is never safe – no matter if you do it by foot or on the back of a horse."

As if Moiraine didn't know that. "At least the horse can carry me away faster than my attackers can run. And I don't have to travel with strangers. If I see someone I don't like, I can ride the other way before he gets near me."

Grumbling, Siuan tied the reins around the wooden fence. "Maybe it's time I bond a Warder."

The Cairhien woman grimaced. A Warder. She had watched the men in the White Tower, training to become a Warder of an Aes Sedai one day. None of them had impressed her. She had always thought she would recognize the right one if she saw him, but it hadn't happened yet. So, she had assumed she and Siuan would never bond a man. "A Warder? Do you have someone in mind? Did someone catch your eye?"

Siuan opened her mouth, then released a heavy sigh and shook her head.

Relief washed over Moiraine. What would she have done if Siuan had announced she had found a man? They always had done everything together. Arriving in Tar Valon on the same day. Being raised to Aes Sedai together. Shouldn't they also find their Warders on the same day? – Or at least bond them?

"Although…."

Shocked, Moiraine raised her eyebrows. Although?! So, Siuan had been thinking about a man! "You really have an eye on someone? Who do you want to bond?"

"I barely spent time with him."

Moiraine felt sick. She hadn't known Siuan had spent time with a man. When did that start? And why didn't she know about it?!

"You spent time… with a man?"

"Don't give me that look." Siuan waved her hand dismissively. "It's nothing. I haven't even decided yet. Besides, I know you have looked at the Warders yourself."

"I looked… Siuan, I simply watched them during training. But not once did I spend time with one of them, thinking about bonding them."

Siuan sighed heavily. "Whatever. He probably isn't even interested in bonding me. Alanna draws all the eyes of the potential Warders. Especially since she isn't holding back in flirting with them all the time."

Moiraine saw the sadness in Siuan's eyes. She really liked that man but didn't believe she had a chance. Quickly, she forced a smile on her lips and grabbed Siuan's arm. "He is a fool if he considers bonding with Alanna."

"Thank you, Moiraine," Siuan said appreciatively. Then she tilted her head. "I guess it is you who has to leave the Tower, searching for the baby."

"Because you can't sit on a horse longer than five minutes?" Moiraine teased her lover.

"Hilarious." The Tairen woman stuck out her tongue at her pillow friend. "No. If you can't find the right man among the potential Warders, you have to find one out there, luring him back to the White Tower for the proper training."

Snorting, the Cairhien woman rolled her eyes. "I doubt such a man exists for me. No. It's more likely I will be one of those Aes Sedai who never bond a man."

"We choose the Blue Ajah, not the Red."

Moiraine shrugged her shoulders. "I just don't think there will ever be a man who interests me enough, so I am considering sharing my feelings with him. I like the quietness in my head."

"We'll see, pufferfish. We have decades to find the right man for you."

Aldieb nudged Moiraine's shoulder, pulling her out of the memory. Smiling, Moiraine padded Aldieb's flank. "It's alright, sweet girl. I'm here."

The beautiful mare snorted, then nibbled at Moiraine's dress. Laughing, the Cairhien woman got an apple and gave it to the hungry mare. After that, her thoughts went spiraling again.

All those years ago, Siuan had joked about Moiraine finding a Warder for herself. Sure, Moiraine never brought Lan to the White Tower so he would get the proper training, but the man had trained enough in battle. The better question was, when did that jealousy start?

Moiraine tried to think of a moment where she could've given Siuan the impression she was interested in bedding Lan. But nothing came to her mind. For years, she and Lan had only been friends – partners in mission.

Or was it because she had bonded him without telling Siuan? But that was ridiculous. Siuan couldn't believe Moiraine had decided to bond Lan because she had fallen for him. That was never her intention. And she never said-

"You need to stop spoiling Aldieb."

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah turned around. Lan leaned against the wall of Aldieb's horse box. She hadn't heard him enter.

"I don't spoil her."

Lan raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, then asked, "How are you doing?" Of course, he worried. Siuan's sudden appearance hadn't been good.

"I'll be alright. The important thing is that Siuan sends Aes Sedai to help in the fight against the Shadowspawn. Maybe Lord Agelmar can convince her how important-"

"Moiraine." Lan touched her arm gently, stopping her rambling. "Talk to me. Please."

The Aes Sedai allowed her Warder to pull her in his arms. Sighing, she leaned her head against his chest. Safe. In Lan's arms, all problems felt miles away.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm your wife but also still an Aes Sedai, and I have to deal with Siuan now and then as long as she is the Amyrlin Seat. But that's it. My relationship with her belongs to the past, and I don't want to go back there. Her jealousy… I never gave her a reason to doubt my feelings for her, yet she turned against me."

"She still loves you," Lan said quietly. "I could see it in her eyes."

So Moiraine hadn't been the only one. "I know. And a part of me will always love the Siuan she had been before she became the Amyrlin. That wonderful woman who loved pranks and supported me during our time in the White Tower." Tears built up in Moiraine's eyes when she remembered those times. "But that woman is gone. She belongs to the past." Moiraine lifted her head and pressed a kiss on Lan's lips. "I live in the present – with you. There is nowhere else I would rather be."

Smiling, Lan pulled Moiraine close again and kissed her. It was a sweet kiss, but Moiraine noticed how her blood started to boil again. Blood and ashes! What was happening to her?

Chapter Text

Shortly after Siuan's visit, the Amyrlin announced she would send a group of Aes Sedai to support the army from the Borderlands. Moiraine was surprised at how fast the decision had been made. Lord Agelmar – who told Moiraine and Lan the good news – almost danced when he told them.

Alanna had left Fal Dara, leaving with the Amyrlin to return to Tar Valon. Moiraine hoped the Green Sister was in no trouble for helping them without the Amyrlin's permission.

A few days went by, and Moiraine enjoyed the peace. Each day, Lan had to go to the Fortress and discuss new plans for their battle against the Blight. When he returned, he and Moiraine made up for the lost time during Moiraine's head injury, which ended with them bedding each other each night. Thanks to Lan's thorough attention, the Cairhien woman slowly lost her embarrassment toward their – not so quiet – activity, though she still felt uncomfortable when their servants were around. Each morning, she put on her nightgown as if no one knew what she and Lan had been doing in the night.

Today was no different. Lan had left the bed early – called to another meeting – while Moiraine decided to stay in bed longer. The bed was so warm and comfy, and Moiraine was not in the mood to get up early. But, of course, everyone had to leave the bed at some point.

A knock disturbed the Aes Sedai's peaceful morning. "My Lady? Are you awake?"

Vera. Grumbling, Moiraine hid her face in her pillow. Was it truly necessary to get dressed already? Surely, it wouldn't hurt to give her another hour.

"My Lady?"

"I'm here, Vera," Moiraine responded, hoping the other woman could hear her grumbling. "I'd like to sleep in today."

Silence answered Moiraine. Light. What was the woman doing? The servants probably knew Lan had left the house early. They should know Moiraine was alone in their bedroom.

"I'm sorry, my Lady. That's not possible today."

Confused, Moiraine lifted her head. Not possible today? Did she have any appointments she had forgotten? But she couldn't think of any.

"I'm coming in, my Lady."

Cursing, Moiraine realized her nightgown lay on the floor out of her reach. There was no time to get dressed before Vera was in. And she was right. The door opened, and the young woman entered.

"Forgive me, my Lady, but the Lord told us to help you get dressed."

Surprised, Moiraine blinked. Lan made an appointment for her? Why didn't he tell her about it? "For what occasion?"

Vera shrugged her shoulders. "I'm afraid I don't know. But I was told you would be in need of your riding clothes."

Her riding clothes. So, the appointment wasn't in Fal Dara. Where were they going? "Did my husband mention when we would leave?"

"As soon as he is back from his meeting with Lord Agelmar," Vera responded and opened Moiraine's big wardrobe. Then she froze. "My Lady?"

"Yes, Vera."

"Did someone rearrange your wardrobe?"

"Not that I know of. Why?"

"I…." Quickly, the young woman closed the doors again. "You know what? Why don't you stay a little longer in bed while I check if… your breakfast is ready?"

Moiraine didn't buy Vera's offer for one second. "Vera?"

"It's still early. Our Lord will surely not return in the next few minutes, so-"

"Vera." This time, the Cairhien woman used her commanding voice to stop the other woman from babbling. Something was definitely off. But what? "What is going on?"

"Nothing. There is nothing wrong. Enjoy your morning in bed while I… What are you doing?"

Cursing, Moiraine threw the blanket aside. If Vera didn't tell her, she would find out herself. The Aes Sedai shivered from the cold, but there was no use in putting on her nightgown now. Vera would dress her in a few minutes, so she walked to her wardrobe in her naked form.

The other woman placed herself in front of the wardrobe. She was clearly in a panic. "My Lady, please. There is no problem. Just return to bed and-"

"Get out of my way, Vera."

"I-"

"Now!"

Sighing, Vera lowered her head. "Yes, my Lady." Then she stepped aside, and Moiraine opened the wardrobe.

At first, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Everything was where it should be, and it didn't look like someone… Finally, Moiraine noticed the empty space where her smallclothes and underdresses should be. Confused, she blinked a few times as if they would appear any second, then tried to remember when she had opened the wardrobe for the last time. It had been yesterday, and there had been countless smallclothes and underdresses left. What happened to them?

"Vera? Is someone doing laundry today?"

"Not that I know of, my Lady," Vera whispered. "Usually, it is done on weekends, not in the middle of the week."

Another shiver moved over Moiraine's back. Why would someone steal all of her underwear? That was ridiculous. "Would you please check if someone accidentally threw my clothes into the laundry?"

"Of course, my Lady. I'll be right back."

Moiraine didn't notice Vera had left until she heard the door closing behind her. Slowly, she closed the wardrobe. Had it been an accident? Did they hire someone new who didn't know laundry was done on weekends? But why should someone take clean clothes out of the wardrobe? That made no sense.

Cursing, Moiraine picked up her nightgown and covered herself. What was going on? She slipped back into bed since it was too cold to stay outside. Hopefully, Vera could find her clothes.

Sadly, Vera returned with bad news. No one knew where Moiraine's underwear went. Of course, she assured Moiraine every servant was searching the house, but it didn't help with Moiraine's actual problem. She had to get dressed for Lan's mysterious appointment, and she didn't have smallclothes to wear underneath her riding clothes.

She even considered telling Lan to go without her, but it also wouldn't help with the fact that she couldn't stay naked all day – or wear her nightgown. So, she finally decided to put on her riding clothes, though it didn't feel right.

During breakfast, Moiraine couldn't stop pulling at her pants. She was sure everyone could see that she didn't wear her smallclothes, though no one was with her in the dining room.

Lan arrived shortly after she had finished her breakfast. Unlike her, the man was in a good mood and smiled broadly when he entered the dining room.

"Good morning, my love."

Moiraine smiled but stayed seated. She didn't want Lan to find out about her missing smallclothes. He would probably laugh about her. "Good morning. I heard you have plans for us?"

"I have." The uncrowned king of Malkier pulled her to her feet and kissed her deeply. When they both needed air again, they broke apart, and Lan said, "I hope you don't mind. After the past few weeks, I thought we could use a break."

"And that break includes riding?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

Moiraine bit her lip. Usually, she was the last person to say no to a ride with Aldieb. But riding without her smallclothes? She wasn't sure if that was such a great idea.

"How about some reading?" The Aes Sedai asked, smiling. "We have lots of books in our library."

"Oh." Was Lan disappointed? His smile faded slightly. "I guess… we could… do that, too."

He was disappointed. Now, Moiraine felt bad for suggesting it. How long had he waited for her to ride with him again? Light. Why did it have to be today when some of her clothes went missing? Cursing inwardly, the woman of the Blue Ajah gave up. "We can go riding if you want to."

Hope filled the bond, but the uncrowned king of Malkier still hesitated. "We don't have to if you rather-"

Moiraine cut him off by kissing him. "Going out for a ride sounds lovely. Aldieb and Mandarb will be thrilled to stretch their legs."

Lan smiled. "Absolutely. We should take them for a ride more often."

"We'll keep it in mind. When do we leave?"

The Malkieri threw a glance at her empty plate. "I take it you're done with breakfast?" When Moiraine nodded, he continued, "Then we can go. I told Lord Agelmar I wouldn't be available for the rest of the day."

"Wonderful."

Hopefully, Vera and the other servants found her clothes during their absence. Clothes didn't just disappear like that. Especially since they had been in her wardrobe yesterday. They had to be somewhere!

At first, Moiraine had suggested using the sidesaddle, but Lan had begged her to stick to her usual saddle. Riding with someone who used a sidesaddle was… slow. Moiraine wouldn't be able to ride properly or keep up with Mandarb's speed.

Since the Aes Sedai hadn't wanted to be a burden to her Warder – the bond had pulsed with happiness and joy – she had agreed to use her usual saddle, though she had cursed inwardly. Riding like that would be… a challenge. She had imagined the saddle chafing over her most intimate part. Without the additional protection of her smallclothes… Her core had started to pulse at the simple thought of being touched.

But they made it out of the city at a slow pace. Moiraine was proud she was able to ride without becoming aroused and started to enjoy the ride. It still felt weird not to wear her underwear, but she managed not to rub her clit during riding.

"How about a little run?" Lan's eyes glistened mischievous. "Mandarb and I give you ten seconds before we come after you."

Mandarb shook his head as if he disagreed with the plan. Laughing, Lan patted his stallion. "Come on, pal. We're gentlemen."

"It's cute that you think Aldieb and I need a head start to outrun you."

"You want to prove us wrong?"

Moiraine almost said 'yes', then remembered her situation. Racing wouldn't be good for her. She wouldn't be able to control her movements. There was no way she would not chafe her center over the saddle. "Let's keep it low. It's a beautiful day. We don't need to rush anything."

"Does that mean you're already giving up?"

She gnashed her teeth. That insufferable man was luring her! He knew she didn't like to give up a fight like that. "I'm not giving up. All I'm saying is that we don't need to rush-"

"Are you not feeling well?" Lan brought Mandarb closer, observing Moiraine closely. "Shall we return? Do you need to lie down?"

Moiraine sighed. She hadn't meant to worry the man. Light! She should've insisted on staying in bed! "I'm alright. Stop worrying."

"But you-"

"I just thought we shouldn't push Aldieb and Mandarb that much. They have been in the stable for a while."

"That's why I suggested it. They can stretch their legs for a while. It would be like old times. Us, being on the run from Trollocs or Whitecloaks. But this time, it's for fun."

The Cairhien woman smiled. Fun. She could feel Lan's happiness through the bond. He was looking forward to that little race. Sighing, she gave up. How bad could such a race be?

Pretty bad, actually. The saddle constantly hit Moiraine's core, stimulating her clit and increasing her longing until Moiraine was sure she would climax on Aldieb's back any moment. She slowed down her mare, letting Lan and Mandarb win the race. She couldn't continue like that. Panting, she dug her nails into her thigh to replace her longing with pain. Light, she couldn't let Lan know how horny she was right now!

"Moiraine?"

Did he already know? Had he felt her longing through the bond? Angry with herself, Moiraine dug her nails deeper into her skin. Why hadn't she refused to come? She should've insisted on staying at home! A book wasn't as dangerous as riding a horse was with no additional protection through her smallclothes.

Cursing, the woman of the Blue Ajah brought her mare to a halt, then dismounted. Maybe walking would help to calm down her arousal. She tried to think about the injuries of the men she had healed before the battle against the Trollocs. Blood, infected wounds, sickness… it all helped to forget about her body's needs.

"Moiraine." Lan had reached her. His worries filled the bond while he dismounted. "Are you alright?"

Moiraine nodded. Please let him only feel the pain. Please let him only feel the pain. "I just need a moment." She turned away, but Lan grabbed her wrist.

"Come here." Surprised, she allowed him to lead her to a rock. What was he trying to do? "Sit down."

"Lan, what-?"

The Cairhien woman's eyes widened when Lan kneeled before her, grabbing her thigh, which she had used to distract herself. The Malkieri pushed her hand out of the way, then placed his hands around her thigh and started to massage it.

"It will be better in a few moments."

Had it really worked? Had Lan not noticed her arousal? But… shouldn't he be affected by her arousal? Moiraine felt no longing through the bond, and his cock was also not building a tent. Did that mean she had been successful? He definitely didn't try to touch her inappropriately or use the situation to get intimate.

"Thank you," she whispered while he continued to massage her thigh.

"You should've said something," Lan responded. "I don't like seeing you in pain."

Her cheeks started to burn in embarrassment. The uncrowned king of Malkier had no idea she had brought the pain over herself for distraction. "I… didn't…." What should she tell him?

"For a heartbeat, I was disappointed that you let me win."

A chuckle escaped Moiraine's lips. The race. "You and Mandarb would've never caught us if we didn't have to stop."

Lan smiled widely. "I don't mind a rematch in the near future. But for today, I think we should stay to riding comfortably. No more racing."

"Do I need to remind you that it was your idea?"

The Malkieri opened his mouth, then sighed and shook his head. He gave her thigh a gentle pad. "How is the pain?"

Testing, the Aes Sedai moved her leg, though the leg had never been the problem. "It's gone." Appreciatively, she looked at her Warder with warmth. "Your hands are incredible."

Lust darkened Lan's eyes when he returned her smile. "I'll gladly show you later how incredible they truly are."

His comment made Moiraine's core jump, and the pulsing returned. Blood and ashes! Not now! They were out in the open, where everyone could see them. More heat reached Moiraine's cheeks. She probably would never feel comfortable talking about things they were going to do in their bedroom.

"Let's focus on now, shall we?" Laughing, Lan helped her to her feet. "And maybe we forget about racing against each other for today."

The man bowed formally. "As you wish, my love."

Moiraine sighed. Maybe there was a possibility she survived the ride without risking another orgasm.

At some point, Lan announced they would halt at a lake, where he made a fire to heat water. It felt like they were traveling again through the land, searching for the Dragon Reborn. Moiraine was thankful for the moment. Contently, they sipped a cup of tea, enjoying the beautiful day and the peace. Sometimes, Moiraine missed those days when it had been just her, Lan, and their horses. Although it had been dangerous, they still had a good time.

Way too soon, they packed again and rode back to Fal Dara. The Aes Sedai thought they should do such a trip more often. It felt good to escape their lives – even if it was only for a few hours.

Sadly, they didn't even reach Fal Dara when reality closed in on them again. A rider – apparently a soldier from Lord Agelmar – approached them before they could even see a glimpse of the city.

"My Lord." The rider looked relieved. Then he remembered Moiraine was also present and bowed. "My Lady. I'm here on behalf of Lord Agelmar. He wishes to speak to you."

"I told him I wouldn't be available all day."

"I know, my Lord. But he said it was urgent and couldn't wait."

Lan gnashed his teeth and mumbled something that sounded dangerously like an insult. Luckily, the soldier didn't understand Lan's words.

"Where is he?" Lan growled.

"He waits in your house for your return."

Moiraine felt Lan's anger turning into rage. He wasn't happy about their change of plans. Calming, she placed a hand on his arm. The soldier was simply the messenger and didn't deserve Lan's anger. "How did you know where to find us?"

"I didn't, my Lady. Lord Agelmar sent out a group of soldiers to scout the area, hoping one of us would find you."

"That news better be good." Lan shook his head in disbelief. "Alright, soldier. Let's return to the city."

Moiraine saw how Lan grabbed his reins and gulped. Light, that man intended to race back to Fal Dara! Quickly, she thought about a way out of that situation. "Why don't you two ride ahead while Aldieb and I enjoy the rest of our ride?"

"I'm not leaving you!" Lan's anger moved on to Moiraine, but she knew how to handle him.

"You're not leaving me, Lan. Fal Dara is nearby, and I can handle myself the rest of the way. Whatever Lord Agelmar has to say, it sounds urgent, and I really don't want to race back to Fal Dara."

"No."

The soldier jumped in. "I could stay with her, my Lord. I swear I will protect her with my life until-"

Growling, the Malkieri faced the other man. "And who informs the other soldiers that they can stop searching for us?"

Realization moved over the soldier's face. "Don't you want me to guide you back to Lord Agelmar?"

"Why? Do you think I forgot how to find my house?" The soldier's cheeks turned reddish at Lan's words, and Moiraine was sure his ears had also turned color in embarrassment, though they were hidden by the helmet. "Besides, you just offered to stay with my wife. How do you intend to do both?"

The man's mouth opened and closed like a fish on land, but no word came out. Apparently, he hadn't thought that through. Finally, he lowered his head. Moiraine wondered how young he was.

Since she felt sympathy for the man, she squeezed Lan's arm to get his attention, then told her husband to cheer the man up by using her eyes. The uncrowned king of Malkier looked like he wanted to strangle her, then sighed heavily.

"It is very noble that you offered to stay with my wife and wanted to guide me back to Fal Dara, soldier. I will tell Lord Agelmar about it." Slowly, the soldier lifted his head, looking at Lan with hopeful eyes. Light, he had to be very young! "But right now, I need you to tell the other soldiers to call off the search for us. Can you do that?"

"Absolutely, my Lord."

"Then go now. We'll find our way back to Fal Dara."

"Understood. My Lord. My Lady." The soldier bowed formally once again, then turned his horse around and left.

"You didn't have to be so harsh to him," Moiraine said once the man was out of earshot. "He just wanted to help."

"I know," Lan admitted. "It's just… I told Agelmar not to disturb me today. I wanted us to have a day to ourselves."

Smiling, Moiraine squeezed his arm gently. "And we did. It was a wonderful idea, and I enjoyed our ride very much." She waited until Lan returned the smile, then continued, "And now, go. Talk to Agelmar before he turns our house upside down."

Immediately, the smile was gone, and Lan glared at her. "You're coming with me."

"Lan. We already did a race today, which wasn't good for me. I'm not looking for a repetition."

The uncrowned king of Malkier lifted two fingers into the air. "Two choices. Either you race back with me on Aldieb's back, or you do it by sitting before me on Mandarb's back. Leaving you is not an option."

Riding on Mandarb's back while sitting before Lan? That would be even worse. Her feelings would go crazy if she rubbed against him during their ride. "Lan, I-"

"Fine, then I'll decide."

Before the Aes Sedai could finish her sentence, her Warder pulled Aldieb closer to Mandarb, then grabbed her under her armpits to pull her over. Shocked, Moiraine grabbed her mare's saddle. "Stop! Lan, stop!" But he didn't. Slowly, she realized she lost her grip on the saddle. "Fine! I'll do it!"

Immediately, Lan stopped pulling. "You will race back with me on Aldieb's back?"

"I will," Moiraine responded, panting. "I will."

Carefully, the man from the Borderlands helped her to sit properly again. "Alright. Let's move."

The Cairhien woman took deep breaths to calm herself. Blood and ashes! What had she done?! Hopefully, her body would be able to deal with that race. Otherwise, she would have to dig her nails into her thigh again.

One last race, and we'll be back at home. Lan talks to Agelmar, and I can change my clothes. Vera must have found my smallclothes by now. She must.

Lan waited until Moiraine gave Aldieb the order to move, then they rode toward Fal Dara.

Chapter Text

Racing back to Fal Dara was as bad as Moiraine had imagined. Her longing returned, and she started to squeeze her thigh painfully to distract herself. She wouldn't let Lan know about her arousal!

It was a relief when they had to slow down because they reached the gates of Fal Dara, though Moiraine's body was still working against her. It longed for that climax after being pushed a few times now today.

Once they arrived at their stable, Lan left to talk to Lord Agelmar while Moiraine took care of Aldieb, using the opportunity to calm her body's needs. But the distraction was only temporary and didn't help completely. Her arousal had faded to a dull pulsing between her legs, but her body was still sensitive. When Aldieb touched her breasts accidentally because she had tried to reach the bucket with her food, Moiraine nearly jumped out of the way when her pleasure increased. Her nipples were hard and ached to be touched. Light! Her entire body longed for Lan's touch! After that incident, Moiraine left the rest to the stable boys and went into the house to change her clothes.

Her bedroom seemed untouched except for the fact that the bed was made. Moiraine threw a glance at her wardrobe while she took off her gloves. What would she see if she opened the doors? Had someone found her smallclothes? What would she do if they didn't? She couldn't walk around without her underwear all day.

The Aes Sedai bit her lip, then walked to the wardrobe. There was only one way to find out. Hesitating wouldn't make it better, and she-

"My Lady." Vera appeared, quickly closing the door behind her. A part of Moiraine was relieved she didn't have to open the door. "I didn't expect you to be back so soon."

"Soon? We've been gone for hours. It's already time for tea and maybe some honeycakes."

"Hours? Already?" The other woman laughed nervously and fidgeted with her fingers.

Moiraine didn't need to ask the question. Vera's reaction to her presence told her everything she needed to know. "You didn't find my clothes."

Tears shimmered in Vera's eyes, then she sank to her knees and started sobbing. "Forgive me, my Lady. We searched the house over and over again. I even went through the garbage in case someone took them by mistake. But we couldn't find your clothes. It's like they disappeared without anyone noticing. And no one knows what happened to them. Yesterday, there had been plenty in your wardrobe. It makes no sense why they're gone now. And I don't know who would have an interest in- "

"Stand up, Vera."

"Please give me a little bit more time, my Lady. I will turn every room upside down and-"

"Vera!" Finally, the trembling woman stopped rambling when Moiraine raised her voice. Sighing, the Aes Sedai tried again in a calm tone, "Please stand up."

Tears were still running down Vera's face when she obeyed. Her shoulders hung low, and her eyes were locked on the floor.

"There is no use in turning the house upside down. Wherever my clothes are… they will appear or not. In the meantime, we must devise a solution since I can't walk around without my underwear for days."

"What kind of solution would that be?" Slowly, the tears subsided.

Moiraine smiled at Vera to show her she wasn't angry with her. "You need to send someone to a tailor. I'll need smallclothes and underdresses. They shall bring what they have in store."

"Yes, my Lady. I will arrange it immediately."

The other woman swirled around, aiming for the door to give out Moiraine's order. With big eyes, the woman of the Blue Ajah called, "Vera."

"Is there something else, my Lady?"

Chuckling, Moiraine pulled at her tunic. "Maybe you could help me into a dress first? I'd like to get out of these riding clothes."

"Oh." Quickly, Vera wiped her tears away. "Of course. I will arrange everything."

While the maid prepared a dress for Moiraine, the Cairhien woman sat on her bed. She wanted to scream. Who took her clothes, and what happened to them? Why had no one noticed anything? Moiraine doubted that it had been a stranger. The servants would've noticed if someone who didn't belong to that house went in and out of Moiraine and Lan's bedroom. Especially when that person carried clothes.

Also, it frustrated her that she had to run around with no smallclothes on for the rest of the day. How long would she be able to hide it from Lan? Should she tell him about the missing clothes? But there was nothing he could do. Her husband wouldn't be more successful if the servants already couldn't find her clothes.

Groaning, the Cairhien woman hid her face in her hands. What was happening?

For the millionth time now, Moiraine moved her hands over her dress. Vera had assured her that it was impossible to see that she didn't wear her underwear, yet Moiraine felt like everyone could see it.

It had started with her walk from her bedroom to the dining room. Whenever the Cairhien woman met one of the servants, she felt like they all knew about her missing clothes and stared at her as if she didn't wear a dress at all. When she finally reached the dining room, her cheeks burned in embarrassment.

And it didn't get better. Although there was barely someone present while she drank her tea, Moiraine could hear the whispers of the servants when they passed the dining room, throwing glances at her.

In the end, she fled to the library where she was hiding now. All those people – all those glances. Moiraine's body was still aroused and longing for touch. Her core was pulsing, and she noticed she was wet. How could simple stares do that to her? That was crazy!

Cursing, Moiraine walked to a table and grabbed the first book she found. A good book had always been able to calm her. Surely, it would help her with that weird situation, right?

The woman of the Blue Ajah opened the book on a random page, then started to read. But with every word she read, the heat in Moiraine's cheeks increased, and her wetness began to flow down her thigh until she finally closed the book quickly. It was a romance novel! – With an explicit description of the lovemaking scenes! Why was such a book lying around like that?!

Moiraine placed the book back on the table when she suddenly felt a heat wave washing over her. She swayed dangerously and had to grab the table to stay on her feet. Cursing, she took deep breaths, breathing through the upcoming pain that felt like she was burning from the inside.

Maybe she should consider talking to the Healer Bianca since Alanna wasn't available anymore. It was annoying when those waves hit her, leaving her trembling and weak. Surprisingly, that had started when she and Lan had bedded each other for the first time after her accident. But why then? After all, there was nothing wrong with bedding her husband, right?

The sound of the door caught Moiraine's attention, and she turned around. Lan had entered the library. Moiraine couldn't stop but taking him in while he stood there while her body reacted to what she saw. If she wasn't careful, there would soon be a puddle underneath her from her arousal.

She forced a smile on her lips, taking a few steps closer and trying to focus on something else. "The meeting is over? Have you been able to help Agelmar?"

"Agelmar is gone," Lan responded, slowly approaching her. His eyes gleamed, and Moiraine felt like she had a dangerous animal before her, being on the hunt with her as prey.

Swallowing, she asked, "What did he want?" Blood and ashes! Her body reacted terribly to Lan's movements! Her breaths turned shallow, her core pulsed and ached to be touched, just like her breasts. Carefully, she took a step back.

"Nothing important."

"He waited for our return for nothing important? It's hard to believe that."

The uncrowned king of Malkier smiled wolfishly. "I would rather talk about something else."

Moiraine's heart skipped a beat. What should she do? When she spoke, her voice sounded breathless. "Yeah? About what?"

Lan took another step forward, and Moiraine copied his movement only that she moved backward. Her butt collided with the table, and the Aes Sedai turned her head in surprise at the sudden obstacle in her way. Where did that come from?

In the next moment, the strong Malkieri stood before her, leaving her no room to escape. "Lan, what-?" His mouth swallowed the rest of her question when he kissed her.

For a heartbeat, the Cairhien woman thought about pushing the Malkieri away, but her body took over, giving in to its needs. Their bodies melted against each other while Lan's arms found her hips to hold her close.

Their kiss deepened as if they were starving for each other. Moiraine's hands moved around Lan's neck, refusing to let him go. All day, she had fought against her longing, but one simple touch from her husband was her undoing.

"Light, I need you!" Lan whispered against her lips, his hands cupping her butt and squeezing it. "It was hard to focus on Agelmar when all I wanted was to be with you."

So, her longing had affected him. Why hadn't he said anything? Had he waited for the right moment? And then something else crossed Moiraine's mind. Her husband was squeezing her butt! Her butt, which didn't wear any smallclothes!

Shocked, she placed her hands on his chest to create some space between them. What was she thinking?! This wasn't their bedroom! They couldn't bed each other in the library! Especially not when the servants knew about Moiraine's missing clothes!

"What is it?" Lan wanted to know.

Gulping, Moiraine tried to find her voice again. "This is the library."

"I'm aware."

"We can't do… that," the Aes Sedai waved her hand between their bodies. "Someone could walk in on us."

Smiling, Lan leaned in on her, pressing his nose against her throat. "They're all busy. No one will walk in on us."

His hands moved over Moiraine's body, and she couldn't suppress a shiver. Light, her body enjoyed the attention! "Lan!"

"You don't want me to stop."

"I just told you-"

Again, his hands found her butt, pulling her core against his erection. A gasp escaped Moiraine's lips when their combined longing rushed through the bond. Not good!

"You are as aroused as I am." Lan rubbed his nose over her sweaty cheek, then whispered, "You're wet."

Another shiver ran over the Cairhien woman's back. Her body clearly agreed with the Malkieri, but she still wasn't willing to accept her fate. In her best calm voice, she said, "I'm sweating. It's warm in here."

"Sweating, hm?" The uncrowned king of Malkier grinned wolfishly. Whatever had crossed his mind couldn't be good. She was indeed sweating, but not all her wetness was sweat – especially not the one between her legs. Before Moiraine could react, Lan pushed his leg between hers, pressing it against her throbbing core. "It feels like you're sweating a lot, my love."

Moiraine's breath turned shallow when the insufferable man started to rub his thigh against her core, and she grabbed his shoulders. She wouldn't be able to withstand him for long if he continued like that. "Lan…."

Lan chuckled at her moan. Suddenly, he spun her around, letting her face the table. Moiraine had to catch herself by placing her hands on the table. She hadn't expected that move.

Of course, the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't step away. His body pressed her against the edge of the table, keeping her trapped and allowing her to feel how hard he was. Gently, his hands moved over her back, rubbing circles. "That means… you're not aroused? You don't want me to continue?"

Moiraine couldn't think. Lan's touch and the feeling of his cock against her butt made it hard to focus. "I… we shouldn't… library…."

"So, we moved on from 'can't' to 'shouldn't'."

Amusement rang in the Warder's voice. Moiraine felt a hand on her back and a gentle push. Her trembling arms gave in, and her chest was pressed against the hard wood. In the meantime, Lan's other hand moved over her butt again. "Lan…."

"I love it when you say my name like that," Lan said, flooding their bond with his love for her.

The Aes Sedai fought hard to get her thoughts under control. She had to stop this before they crossed the line. Light, they should move on to their bedroom! At least there, they had a comfortable bed to use. A table was hardly decent.

But not one word crossed her lips. Instead, she had to work on her breathing while her Warder grabbed the lower part of her dress and pulled it up. Air hit her heated and wet core, and she shivered. Dear light! She could feel her wetness running down her legs! Her body was clearly waiting.

"It looks like you've been right," Lan said in a hoarse voice. His fingers moved over her exposed butt and then between her spread legs. "You're sweating a lot, my love."

Moiraine moaned when Lan's fingers touched her sensitive flesh. Her core had longed for his touch for hours, and now… it felt incredible. All thoughts were banned from her mind. She only cared about Lan's fingers, which explored her lower region thoroughly.

He found her entrance and slipped two fingers inside. "Even in here. Light, you're drenched." Another moan escaped Moiraine's lips. Blood and ashes! His fingers felt good! "Don't worry, love. I have a solution for that. I will help you to clean yourself so you won't embarrass yourself in front of our servants."

Help to clean herself? What did he have in mind? The Aes Sedai had a second before she found out about her Warder's intention. Gasping, she tried to grab the table, which was impossible since her hands were pressed flat against the smooth surface. "Lan!"

Humming, the uncrowned king of Malkier continued to lick over her dripping clit. Two fingers were still buried within her, pumping in and out in a steady rhythm. He wouldn't stop.

Moiraine's legs gave way, but it didn't matter since she already lay on the table with her upper body. A small part of her knew she should stop the man, but the rest of her suffocated the protest quickly. There was nothing else she wanted more right now than allowing Lan to bring her that orgasm she had longed for all day.

"Lan!" He had added a third finger, stretching her vagina in a very pleasant way.

"You're already clenching around my fingers." Groaning, he sucked hard on her clit, coaxing a short whimper out of the Cairhien woman. "Come for me, Moiraine." He picked up a relentless pace.

"Lan." Subconsciously, Moiraine realized she moved her hips to meet Lan's fingers. "Lan." Her pleasure was rising, and she knew she was only seconds from reaching her climax. "Lan!" Finally, her orgasm crashed over her, setting every cell in her body on fire.

Panting, the Aes Sedai lay there, waiting for the last waves to subside. Her Warder's fingers still moved in and out of her while his tongue moved relentlessly to catch her dripping juice. Her body tingled from the aftershocks. This was not how she had imagined their riding trip would end.

"I guess I meant it too well with my cleaning routine." How was that man able to talk while she struggled to stand on her feet again? Moiraine moaned when Lan pulled his fingers out of her vagina, and little waves of pleasure rolled over her. "You're sweating even more now than before." Sweating? Right, she had told Lan she was sweating to distract him from her arousal. "Don't worry, my love. As a good husband, it is my duty to help you with the cleaning process after creating such a mess. Luckily, I have the right tool here." Duty? Cleaning process? Tool? Moiraine's exhausted brain couldn't understand the meaning behind Lan's words. Why did he have to speak in riddles?

The sound of fabric hitting the floor reached Moiraine's ears, then Lan's hands were back, grabbing her hips. His hard cock moved between her legs, rubbing it through her wetness. "Lan," Moiraine moaned, followed by his moan.

It was ridiculous how much she longed for him after receiving such an incredible orgasm only a moment ago. Maybe it was because she felt his longing through the bond. Whatever it was, she wanted to feel him inside of her. She wanted him to complete her.

"I need you, Moiraine."

The Cairhien woman opened her mouth to tell him she also needed him, but the Malkieri couldn't wait any longer. He lined himself up at her entrance, then parted her vulva with the head of his penis, slowly entering her inch by inch. Moiraine wished she could grab onto something, but there was nothing.

And then, Lan was in, filling and stretching her like no one else could. His fingers and tongue had already been incredible, but there was nothing better than when they were connected like now. The bond was on fire with their combined emotions, and Moiraine could never tell where she ended and Lan began.

Moaning, the uncrowned king of Malkier folded his larger body around the Cairhien woman, pressing his face in her dark locks. "I never get tired of that feeling when we connect," he whispered in her ear, his warm breath tickling.

Moiraine felt how close the man was to his own orgasm. Bringing her pleasure always stimulated him, but today, his patience was thinner than usual. Was that because he had felt her arousal all day, pushing his own longing for her?

She turned her head, and Lan used the moment to capture her lips. His tongue begged for entrance, and her mouth granted it. When her Warder's tongue slipped between her lips, the Malkieri pulled out of her, then pushed his cock into her with a strike. She gasped at the sensation. Blood and ashes!

Soon, Lan had to end the kiss and return his focus on pushing into her. He grabbed her hips to steady them both while Moiraine couldn't stop moaning. How long would they be able to continue like that before Lan-?

"Moiraine!"

Before the Aes Sedai had the chance to finish her thought, her Warder stopped moving, emptying his seeds into her. It was a shame that she hadn't reached another orgasm since it felt incredible when they both reached it at the same time, but she wasn't complaining. Lan had taken really good care of her with his mouth and fingers.

Once he was done, the Malkieri pulled out of her. Moiraine still didn't have the strength to move. Her body was tingling. Lan's orgasm had made her longing for more. At least she could think again more clearly.

"Maybe we should consider the library as our new place for bedding each other."

Growling, Moiraine pushed herself on her arms and turned her head to glare at him. "That's not funny."

Lan smiled while he struggled to pull off his pants. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it."

Aching, the Cairhien woman straightened, though her legs still felt like they wouldn't carry her weight. Slowly, she pulled her dress back in place, covering her naked butt. "That is not the point, Lan. This is the library, and everyone could've walked in on us."

Searching, Moiraine let her eyes move over the floor. Where did Lan put her smallclothes? She didn't wish to walk around without her… At that moment, Moiraine remembered that her underwear was still missing! She hadn't worn anything beneath her dress! Why had Lan not mentioned anything?! Heat moved to her cheeks.

"Do you search anything?" Lan asked in a seductive voice, pressing his chest against her back while burying his nose in her hair.

Moiraine forced him to step back when she turned in his arms to face him. Her cheeks were still burning. "I…" Her eyes fell on Lan's lower region and widened. "You can't be serious."

"What?" The Malkieri asked innocently, but the amusement in his voice betrayed him.

Although he had just experienced an incredible orgasm, Lan's penis was already getting hard again. Instead of putting his pants back on, the man had gotten rid of them!

Arousal flooded the bond, and Moiraine noticed she was affected by Lan's longing and became horny again. Growling, she pressed her legs together to suppress the pulsing beat between her legs. "I'd say we stretched our luck enough, don't you think? This is still the library and-"

Lan cut her off with a kiss, pressing her against the table. "I need you."

Those words sent a shiver down Moiraine's back, making her even more horny. Yet, she tried to keep her voice calm when she said, "We both just had-"

Another kiss to keep her from talking, but this time, the uncrowned king of Malkier pulled the Cairhien woman with him. "Doesn't mean we can't experience a second round."

"Lan." Her mouth protested, but her body already followed her husband through the room. Nervously, she threw a glance at the door. "Someone could walk in on us." Even she could hear her protest getting weaker.

The uncrowned king of Malkier sat on a chair that was placed in the middle of the room, facing the door. Had it always been standing there? But why in the middle of the room?

"No one will come," Lan responded. He pushed the lower part of Moiraine's dress up to her waist, then pulled her on his lap so she could continue to watch the door.

Swallowing, the Aes Sedai tried to focus on her arguments and not on her Warder's cock, which pressed hard and warm against her lower back. "Egwene. What if Egwene comes searching- Oh!"

Moiraine couldn't understand how her body was already ready to take Lan back in, but when the tip of his penis parted her vulva, her vagina welcomed him back. The insufferable man had lifted her to impale her on his cock, slowly stretching her until he was buried within her.

For a second, the Cairhien woman thought about stopping the Malkieri, but her dress covered them both, so it should be fine, right? Lan grabbed her hips, then lifted her before he pulled her back down while pushing his hips up to meet her.

A moan crossed Moiraine's lips. Her sensitive body enjoyed the action, dispelling all her worries and thoughts. All she cared about was to feel Lan and their growing pleasure.

And then, her eyes found the mirror. It was positioned opposite them, allowing her to watch them during their lovemaking. Now, she was certain the chair wasn't a coincidence.

"Lan, what-?" Before the woman of the Blue Ajah was able to finish her question, the Malkieri pulled her neckline over her shoulders and down her arms until her breasts were freed.

"Lan!" Moiraine squeaked in embarrassment, but the man wasn't done yet. He spread his legs, so she was forced to do the same and pulled up the lower part of her dress, presenting her core to the mirror.

"Lan!" Moiraine's voice turned even higher than before, but when she tried to cover her core, the bloody bastard brought his hand between her legs and started to rub her clit while his other hand found a breast, playing with her nipple.

"You're so beautiful, my love," Lan whispered in her ear, watching her in the mirror while she squirmed and moaned under his talented hands.

"Library," the Aes Sedai breathed. "Someone."

"Stop thinking."

"What… will… they… think…." It was hard to speak, but Moiraine did her best. "… if… Lan! … they… enter… Light!"

Lan doubled his efforts and rubbed her clit harder. A loud moan crossed the Aes Sedai's lips, and she threw her head back. Blood and ashes! That man was killing her.

"They will think I'm a very lucky man for having such a gorgeous wife." The uncrowned king of Malkier kissed her cheek. "Look at the mirror."

Panting, Moiraine looked, and her cheeks turned red. It was embarrassing to watch, yet it was also arousing. Lan's hands returned to her hips, and he started to pound into her again.

When she moaned again, Lan panted, "Louder." And as if he had known Moiraine wanted to say something, his movements became rougher, keeping Moiraine from speaking. Her moans turned louder. Their climax was getting closer.

And then voices sounded through the closed door. Voices, which came closer. The Cairhien woman felt like someone had emptied a bucket filled with ice over her. Cursing, she dug her nails into the Malkieri's thigh to get his attention. "Lan!" She hissed.

But the uncrowned king of Malkier simply took her hand and placed it between her legs. "Ignore them. Focus on the pleasure."

"This room isn't shielded, and the door not locked. We need to- "She bit her lip to suppress the next moan. Blood and ashes! The man used her fingers to stimulate her clit! How often did he intend to cut off her protest by bringing her pleasure?

"I said, no more thinking. Let them hear that I take good care of you."

Moiraine wasn't convinced, but her body agreed with Lan's plan. It even became more aroused from the simple thought of being caught by whoever was walking through the corridor outside that door. Wasn't that stupid?

"Moiraine."

Lan was close. She could feel it through the bond. And she wasn't doing much better. A few more pushes and the gentle touch of Lan's fingers on her clit brought Moiraine's orgasm over her.

"Lan!" She screamed when the waves of pleasure hit her.

Her vagina contracted around her husband's cock, allowing him to find his own release. He finished with a grunt.

Panting, they sat there, waiting to regain their senses. Moiraine wasn't sure if her feet would carry her once she tried to get to her feet. The voices from outside were gone, and it was a relief that no one had attempted to enter the library. As arousing as it had been, the woman of the Blue Ajah was glad that the situation hadn't occurred.

After a few minutes, Moiraine noticed some of her strength had returned. Carefully, she started by lowering the lower part of her dress, followed by pulling up the neckline of her dress to cover her breasts.

"Don't," the uncrowned king of Malkier murmured. "I like the view."

"Do I need to remind you this is the library, dear husband?"

Lan's fingers disappeared under her dress again, searching for her core. Immediately, Moiraine gave his fingers a decent slap. "Don't you dare, a'Lan Mandragoran. No more touching."

The man actually pouted at her words but at least pulled his hand back. Moiraine's core wouldn't survive another touch of him. "I thought you like my attention."

"I do, but it's enough at some point. I need a break."

Humming in agreement, the Malkieri accepted the Cairhien woman's statement and even helped her to stand up. They both moaned when Lan's cock slipped out of her, and little aftershocks shook them.

Trembling, Moiraine took a few steps until she was able to steady herself on a table. She wished they were in their bedroom, and she could simply sink into their bed. Her body was exhausted from Lan's attention. What a day, she thought.

Lan made it to his feet, carefully making his way toward his pants to put them back on. Maybe it would be easier to think again once he was fully clothed.

"Oh, right. I have something for you."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai lifted her head. What was her Warder planning now? He was surely mistaken if he thought she would agree to another round.

Luckily, Lan seemed satisfied. Smiling, he threw her a piece of fabric. "I thought you could use that."

Why should she need a piece of fabric? Confused, the Cairhien woman unfolded the present, then froze. That couldn't be true! "Lan? Where did you find that?"

The Malkieri's smile grew while he closed his pants. He didn't have to say anymore. Finally, the Aes Sedai understood how her clothes disappeared. It hadn't been a servant or a mysterious thief. Her own husband was responsible for her situation.

"Bastard!" Angrily, she waved with the fabric. "Do you have any idea what you put me through today? I had to walk around without my underwear, which is not a good feeling, by the way. Riding on Aldieb was terrible, and Vera was in tears because she couldn't understand where my clothes went. The servants turned our house upside down during our ride."

Lan closed the distance and kissed his upset wife. "I will apologize to Vera and explain the situation. And I will also inform her that she'll find your clothes in the stable."

"The stable?!"

The Malkieri shrugged his shoulder. "I had to hide them where no one would look for them. And it had to be a great spot, so no one would find them until we at least returned from our ride."

It all made sense now. Her clothes. The ride with Aldieb and Mandarb. Her arousal during the ride. It had all been Lan's plan. "Bastard!" Angrily, she punched the big man.

Chuckling, Lan turned her around, wrapping his arms around her. "Don't tell me you didn't have fun." His voice became dangerously seductive, and his hot breath tickled her ear. "Or do you feel not taken care of? Do you need me to…" Lan's hand moved deeper between her legs. "… remind you how much I love taking care of you?"

Moiraine whimpered when his fingers touched her sensitive flesh through the fabric and pulled his hand away. "Please. I can't."

Immediately, her Warder pulled his hands back, pressing a kiss on her cheek. "I know." Sighing, he let go of her. "I'll see if the kitchen has some food and tea for us."

Moiraine nodded, then watched Lan leave the room. Sighing, she walked toward a chair – not the one she and Lan had just used! – and sat. Her legs barely carried her there, and it was a relief when she finally sat, though she still wished for her bed to appear. Blood and ashes! What a day!

Chapter Text

Winter arrived in the Borderlands, and Moiraine noticed her health didn't improve. Sadly, it became worse. She became weaker, and the burning feeling in her veins intensified until she couldn't hide it anymore from Lan.

Worried, the uncrowned king of Malkier asked both Egwene and Bianca to look at Moiraine, but both couldn't find anything. Egwene even tried the healing weave, but it didn't change anything. The Cairhien woman was healthy. No one understood why Moiraine felt weak or where the burning feeling was coming from.

Moiraine was thankful when she was able to sleep because, at least then, she was free of pain. Except for tonight….

"You're still alive?"

Tiredly, the woman of the Blue Ajah lifted her head. Immediately, she knew she was trapped in an old nightmare. The One Power kept her tied to the wall, and Lanfear stood before her. The Forsaken's arms were crossed before her chest, and she had tilted her head, studying Moiraine questioningly.

"Remarkable. I don't think I've ever seen anyone surviving for that long."

Moiraine sighed heavily. She didn't have that nightmare in a very long time. Why was she there now? Her eyes went to the area where Lan had been tortured the last time. But tonight, there was no Lan. No Rand who used Saidin on his friends. Even the ground was free of blood. "No torturing today? Where are the others?"

"Hm?" Confused, Lanfear turned around, then realization moved over her face. "Ah. That." She waved her hand dismissively. "I didn't bring you here for that. I want to know why you're still alive."

"So, it was never real. They weren't tortured."

"Of course, they weren't." Lanfear rolled her eyes dramatically. "But that's not the point. Why are you still alive?"

"I don't know what you mean. You attacked me and placed those false memories in my head, but I got healed."

The daughter of the night furrowed her forehead. "False memories?"

"Your nightmares don't affect me anymore. So, leave me alone."

Silence filled the air for a moment, then the dark-haired woman asked, "Which version of you is real?"

"I'm el'Moiraine ti Damodred Mandragoran, wife of a'Lan Mandragoran." A wave of nausea hit Moiraine, and her blood started to burn. She gritted her teeth to keep herself from vomiting. Light! She felt terrible!

Lanfear stepped closer, looking her directly in the eye. "I don't get it. You believe you belong to that other world. The poison should've killed you weeks ago. No one has ever survived that long. Why aren't you dead?"

Other world? Poison? Warily, the Cairhien woman narrowed her eyes at the Forsaken. "You never tortured Lan. It was an illusion."

Surprised, Lanfear blinked in confusion before she growled at Moiraine. "Forget about that silly nightmare I sent to disturb you. Rand is stubborn and would rather die than hurt his friends. I want to know why you're not dead."

Rand. The Dragon Reborn. Images of the redhead – proclaiming himself the Dragon Reborn in Falme – appeared before Moiraine's eyes. "Rand isn't dead."

"Of course, he isn't dead!" Lanfear shouted angrily. "As if I would allow Ishamael to kill him! I placed you outside of Falme so you would deal with those Seanchan!"

The One Power was gone the next moment, and Moiraine landed on her feet. But it was only a short break because, in the next second, Lanfear was there with a hand wrapped around Moiraine's throat, pushing her against the wall while strangling her.

"Why aren't you dead?!" She hissed.

"I don't know," Moiraine croaked.

"The poison should've killed you weeks ago! How do you keep it from killing you?!"

"I'm not doing anything." It became hard to breathe.

Lanfear screamed angrily, then released Moiraine and walked up and down, murmuring to herself. "I don't want to wait any longer. If the poison isn't working, I have to find another way."

Quietly, the Aes Sedai waited while she hoped the other woman would reveal more information. If she didn't move, Lanfear would… At that moment, Lanfear's eyes found Moiraine, and her murmurs died. Instead, she straightened, and a smile appeared on her lips.

"I'll find something special for you, little Aes Sedai. But until then…." She waved at Moiraine. "… enjoy playtime with your husband."

"Wait!" The woman of the Blue Ajah yelled, but it was too late. Darkness surrounded her.

Drenched in sweat, Moiraine sat upright in bed.

"Moiraine?" A sleepy Lan rubbed his eyes. "What is it?"

Cursing, the Cairhien woman jumped out of bed. What was she supposed to do? Lanfear just admitted that the nightmare hadn't been real. The torture scene hadn't been real. But more importantly, she had confirmed that Rand was alive!

Anxiously, Moiraine started to walk up and down. But what if that dream was only a trick? What if her mind was affected by her weak condition and the burning feeling in her veins? Was she losing her mind?

Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks. Her blood wasn't burning, and she felt stronger, as if nothing had ever happened. What was going on with her?!

"My love." Lan's soft voice wrapped around her like a warm hug. "Come back to bed. It's late."

Moiraine's eyes turned to her husband. He reached a hand toward her, waiting for her to return to the warm bed. Her husband. For weeks, he had fought to help her believe her memories of Rand and Falme were nothing but a nightmare. It had never happened. Rand died during the Trolloc attack in the Two Rivers, and she was married to Lan. Lanfear was still imprisoned, and her mind had tricked her into thinking her attacker had been the daughter of the night.

The burning of her veins hit her full force, and Moiraine sank to her knees, gasping. Why was that happening? She had felt good!

"Moiraine!" Alarmed, Lan jumped out of the bed, kneeling beside her in a heartbeat. "What do you need? How can I help?"

It was ridiculous. Why did the pain return? What did she do? Moiraine's brain was racing while she tried to remember what she had done differently. She had a nightmare about a woman she thought of as Lanfear. After returning from her nightmare, she had felt better – stronger. But once she thought about her life with Lan, her body started to act weird.

"Moiraine! Talk to me!"

A thought crossed her mind. An idea she hated, but she had to try. She took a deep breath, then thought, This world is not real. Immediately, the fire in her veins faded, and the Cairhien woman was able to breathe calmly. Blood and ashes! What was that?

"Moiraine?" Lan had noticed something was different, though he didn't understand what was happening to her. "Shall I call for Egwene?"

Finally, the Aes Sedai shook her head. She had to inform her Warder about her nightmare. "Egwene won't be able to help me."

Frustration filled the bond, and Moiraine could only imagine how helpless the man felt. "Alright." She was impressed at how calm his voice sounded compared to the upset feelings she received through the bond. "How about we move back to bed? Can we do that?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier seemed relieved when she nodded. Carefully, he helped her up and guided her back to the bed.

"Thank you," Moiraine said, smiling when Lan placed the blanket around her to keep her warm.

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Sit with me?"

A smile appeared on Lan's lips. Her question made him happy. "Gladly." He crawled under the blanket with her, wrapping her in his arms.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, then the uncrowned king of Malkier broke the silence. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I had a nightmare."

"The one with those false memories?"

"The one with the woman who attacked me."

"So… you saw the attack again? Was that why you were in pain?"

Moiraine shook her head. "No. I was… somewhere else."

Lan needed a moment to understand what she was saying. Then he stiffened. "Moiraine. Please don't tell me-"

"Just listen to me. Please."

Anger rolled through the bond, which the man tried to suppress, but it wasn't working. Yet, he said, "I'll listen."

"Can you focus on the bond and my feelings?"

He took a deep breath, and Moiraine noticed how he reached out to her through the bond. "Focus on the bond. Focus on what I feel while I talk. Don't judge what I'm saying. Just focus on what's happening to my feelings."

"I'll listen."

Now, it was the Cairhien woman who took a deep breath. "I'm the wife of a'Lan Mandragoran." The fire appeared, burning from the inside of her body. Lan gasped when he felt her pain. "I don't belong in this world." Immediately, the fire went out.

Lan released her and moved so he could look at her. "I don't understand. What is happening here?"

"I'm in pain when I think about us. I feel weak, and my blood… it burns like it's trying to kill me from the inside. But when I speak about… the other stuff, I feel better – stronger."

Moiraine saw how Lan's thoughts were racing. Did he understand that she didn't try to torture him? – That she didn't mean to hurt him?

"Did that happen before?"

"Yes." Lan's face darkened. He didn't like her answer. Calming, Moiraine placed her hand over his. "But back then, it was the other way around and not as intense as now." Confused, the Malkieri furrowed his forehead, so she continued, "When I woke up after the attack, I felt… unwell when I thought about the other world. When I thought about us, I felt good until I finally believed this was real." Moiraine grimaced when the fire returned. Light! That was annoying!

"Moiraine."

This is not real. This is not real. The Aes Sedai still felt sick that those words calmed her blood. It took her such a long time to finally accept her life with Lan, and now, she had to hurt the man.

"How can I help?"

Moiraine knew she asked a lot of him, but there was no other way. "Don't hate me when I say things like 'I don't belong here' or 'This isn't real'. I wish there is another way to get rid of that pain, but for now, I don't have another solution. I just want you to know that I don't believe her. Whatever she says about the Dragon Reborn or other worlds, I don't believe her. I know what's right and wrong."

Lan was clearly fighting with his emotions but nodded ultimately. "That woman… who attacked you…"

"Lanfear. At least, that's the name my mind gave her. She talks about other Forsaken, like the father of lies, so I think it suits her."

The Malkieri grimaced at the name but went with it. "Lanfear." The name didn't roll easily over his tongue. "What did she tell you in your dream?"

Sighing, Moiraine rubbed her face. "Ehm… she… was confused. She kept asking me… why I was still alive. She mentioned some kind of poison she gave me, which should've killed me within weeks, and… that she has to find another way."

"Another way? What does that mean?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah gulped. "Another way to kill me."

Cursing, Lan jumped out of bed and started to walk up and down. Moiraine watched him running but didn't dare to interrupt him. The situation wasn't easy, and it must pain him terribly to hear that those false memories helped her against the pain.

Finally, he stopped at the end of the bed. "Alright. Can you try again… No." Cursing, he shook his head and started to run again. "Stupid idea."

"We can stop talking about it if-"

"No!" Lan took a deep breath, then repeated in a calmer voice, "No." He returned to the bed, climbing back in beside her before cupping her face and pressing their foreheads together. "I want to know about what's bothering you. I want to know what's hurting you."

"But it's hurting you. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm your husband. If someone threatens you, I will fight by your side."

Smiling, the Cairhien woman closed the distance and kissed him sweetly. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. Alright, I want you to inform me when you see that woman again, and if you see her, you don't wait for her to attack. You run away as fast as possible."

"Lan…."

"And I will arrange for you to be guarded at any time."

Moiraine sighed heavily. "She will kill them. Whoever she is, she is extremely powerful – more powerful than me. Those men won't stand a chance against her."

"I don't care. I don't want you to run around without protection." The Aes Sedai opened her mouth to protest, but her Warder swallowed her protest with his mouth by kissing her. "Don't argue with me," he whispered.

"Insufferable man."

Chuckling, the uncrowned king of Malkier lowered them both, then rearranged their positions until he could spoon her. "Try to sleep, love. We'll make plans in the morning. That woman won't come close to you."

The woman of the Blue Ajah had her doubts but didn't argue. It was still in the middle of the night, and she was tired. Yawning, she gave up and closed her eyes again.

Lan kept his word. He organized five guards to follow Moiraine around. It was ridiculous while she walked through the corridors of their house, but the Malkieri insisted. If that strange woman was as powerful as Moiraine said, he wouldn't hold back in protecting her.

It was hard to convince Lan to leave the house. Moiraine assumed he would love keeping her in the house until the situation with her attacker was solved. Luckily, the opportunity to see Genjad and his family helped to change his mind.

And it wasn't hard to convince Kera to go out for a walk. The little girl was thrilled to spend time with Moiraine. They went to the market, begged Lan for flowers, which he placed in the women's hair, bought some honeycakes, drank tea, and enjoyed the lovely day.

Of course, the uncrowned king of Malkier couldn't stop worrying. The Cairhien woman felt his worries through the bond and did her best to ignore the side glances he gave her. He was by her side whenever her hand trembled, or she swayed a little. Moiraine felt how he longed to bring her home but dared him with her eyes to say something. She didn't want to return.

At the end of the day, Moiraine and Kera begged Lan to pay the bookstore a visit. Sighing, the Malkieri gave in. It was a small bookstore, but they had many books, and Moiraine enjoyed reading the titles. So many books. If only she had the time to read them all.

"Moiraine, look." Kera appeared, holding a book in her hand. "Isn't it beautiful? The woman looks just like you."

The young girl was right. The illustrated woman on the cover had a remarkable resemblance to the Cairhien woman. Moiraine's eyes found the title of the book, and she suddenly felt sick. The future Sun Queen who ran from the throne.

"Where did you find this?"

"Over there." Kera pointed at a bookshelf in the back. "Come on, I'll show you. There are many more."

The excited girl pulled the Cairhien woman with her toward the books. It was even worse than Moiraine thought. There were countless books, and they all had a woman on their covers who had a high resemblance to Moiraine. But the worst were the titles.

The Cairhien woman, the Malkieri, and the pond. When pillow friends become fishwives. Trolloc attack at Bel Tine in the Two Rivers. Traveling with four villagers. Who survives at the eye of the world? Stilling, shielding – what will it be? The Cairhien woman and her walk in solitude. How to deal with a Forsaken?

"Moiraine!" Lan appeared out of nowhere, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her and brushing a loose lock behind her ear. "What is it?"

Moiraine was thankful for Lan's presence. All those titles brought back the false memories. How she and Lan had left the Two Rivers with the four Emond's Fielder. Their journey to Fal Dara. Rand's battle against Ishamael at the eye of the world. How the father of lies shielded her and how she-

"Moiraine!" The uncrowned king of Malkier wrapped her in his arms, holding her close. "Breathe!"

"What's wrong with her?" Kera asked, and Moiraine could hear the panic in her voice. The little girl didn't understand what happened. "Did I do something wrong? I just wanted to show her the books because those women look like her."

"What books?"

Kera showed Lan the book in her hands, and the Malkieri's face darkened. Moiraine was relieved. She was not losing her mind. "You see the titles, too?" She asked quietly.

"Kera, please put the book back where you found it."

"Okay."

While the girl returned the book, the Malkieri read the other titles, and Moiraine felt anger through the bond. So, she wasn't imagining things.

"Those books-"

"We're leaving."

"Lan-"

"We're leaving." Kera returned, and the Malkieri motioned for the girl to follow them.

Genjad and Diena waited outside but furrowed their foreheads when they saw the look on Lan's face.

"What's wrong?" Genjad wanted to know.

"I showed Moiraine a book which I shouldn't have," Kera said. The poor girl sounded like she was close to breaking out in tears.

Lan sighed heavily, then let go of Moiraine and went on one knee. "You did nothing wrong, Kera."

"But you became angry when you saw the book."

"I'm not angry with you," Lan responded softly. "You did nothing wrong."

Tears shimmered in Kera's eyes when she finally lifted her head and looked at Lan. "Do you promise?"

Moiraine smiled. Kera was such a sweet girl. She cursed herself for not having her features better under control when Kera showed her the book. What had happened to her calm and serene Aes Sedai mask?

"I promise, Kera. You did nothing wrong."

Relief appeared on Kera's face, and Moiraine felt admiration and pure love for her husband. He helped the little girl and calmed the situation.

Of course, Kera also turned toward the Cairhien woman to get her approval, too, but then her eyes widened, and she yelled, "Moiraine!"

The Aes Sedai didn't know what had shocked the girl, but Lan pushed her out of the way in the next second. Moiraine was certain she would hit the ground, and she would have if Lan hadn't kept her upright.

Something shattered to pieces, and Moiraine noticed how something hit her dress. Then Lan grabbed her arms. "Are you injured?" Surprised, she shook her head. Injured? Why should she be injured? "Thank the light."

Confused, the Cairhien woman searched for the reason for the shattering, then found the broken flower pot on the ground. A flower pot that would've hit her if Lan hadn't pushed her out of the way.

A cold shiver ran over Moiraine's back while she looked at the blue flowers scattered on the stones. What were the chances the flower pot had fallen by accident?

Apparently, Lan didn't believe in coincidences because he stepped closer, pulling her cold body against his chest. "Let's go home."

This time, Moiraine didn't protest.

Chapter Text

Lanfear's POV

Since Lanfear didn't wish to take a new form in that other world, she appeared in Moiraine's dream and used the old nightmare she had given Moiraine after her arrival in that world. But the meeting with the woman confused her even more.

Apparently, Moiraine fully believed she was the wife of her Warder. Yet, she was still not dead. It was frustrating. She shouldn't be alive. Why was she alive? Never before had the poison not worked. Never before had a person survived. What was so different about that annoying Moiraine Damodred?

Well, if the woman refuses to die, I have to find another way to get rid of her.

Lanfear smiled when she thought about all the possibilities of ending Moiraine's life. The little Aes Sedai wouldn't know what was coming for her. And she could try and try again until she succeeded.

Giggling, the daughter of the night rubbed her hands. What would be a good start? It had to be something small. There was no need to do something big. Moiraine would die, but until then, Lanfear could have some fun with her.

Lanfear moved her hands, and a table appeared before her. It was filled with countless weapons from centuries ago. The human beings of this age would probably not know what to do with them. So much knowledge had been lost over the years. Even the powerful Aes Sedai had forgotten so many skills and weaves.

But nothing felt right while the daughter of the night moved her hand over the different metals. All those things weren't the right choice to end Moiraine's life.

I could use something no one would ever be afraid of… like a flower pot. I could drop it from a window, and the little Aes Sedai would never know if it was an accident or intended if I miss.

Again, Lanfear moved her hands, letting the table disappear. Instead, a flower pot with beautiful blue flowers appeared in her hands. It was perfect. Moiraine loved wearing blue, so it was only fitting that she would get killed by flowers in her favorite color.

Moiraine's POV

Lan became even more protective after the incident with the flower pot. Moiraine could barely take a step without anyone following her. It was annoying, though she understood why he did it. He worried a lot since she told him about her dream of Lanfear.

The daughter of the night didn't return or threaten her in her dreams again, but the Cairhien woman could still not forget their conversation. Her body was still getting weaker day by day, and the burning fire in her veins made her want to scream.

During a cold winter day, Moiraine wished to take a ride with Aldieb. Lan wasn't happy about her decision but went with her. Yet, they were accompanied by a group of guards to ensure their safety.

It didn't feel the same. Moiraine and Lan were surrounded by guards, while Aldieb and Mandarb enjoyed being out of the stable. Yet, they couldn't let them run like they wished because the guards' horses couldn't keep up with their speed.

The sun shone from above, fighting against the snow and the cold wind. It was a beautiful day, and Moiraine felt good despite the weakness she felt all day. She knew Lan wanted to return as soon as possible, but she wasn't willing to return to the house so soon.

They reached a frozen lake that shimmered beautifully in the sun. Moiraine grabbed Lan's arm to get his attention. "Look." She pointed at the lake. "Let's stop there and stretch our legs."

"I would feel better if we return home and stretch our legs there."

"Lan." Moiraine smiled at him sweetly. "Come on. It's just us." Then, one of the guards moved into her sight, and her smile faded slightly. "Well, us and… the army of guards you brought with us."

Angrily, Lan glared at her. "They're here to protect you."

"I have you."

"A strange woman who already attacked you once threatened you to find another way to kill you. I won't give her a chance to succeed."

The Cairhien woman sighed heavily. "I know. Can we still dismount and stretch our legs? No one will dare to attack us with those guards around."

Lan was obviously not amused about her proposal, pressing his lips into a thin line. Then, he checked their surroundings. Even though it had been years since they traveled together through the land as Aes Sedai and Warder searching for the Dragon Reborn, the man couldn't stop checking for a possible danger.

"Fine. But only for a few minutes."

Moiraine almost rolled her eyes at his answer, then gave Aldieb a sign to continue. Blood and ashes! That man saw danger everywhere. He would lock her in their room if it would keep her safe.

Lan barked some orders at the guards to stay alert while the Cairhien woman dismounted and walked toward the frozen lake. The surface shimmered beautifully in the sun.

"The guards check the area. You have a few minutes, and then we'll ride back home."

"It's a shame this lake is frozen, don't you think?" Moiraine ignored Lan's comment about having only a few minutes. "Aren't your fingers tingling? – Wishing to throw me in?"

Finally, the uncrowned king of Malkier smiled at her words. "Even if it wasn't frozen, I wouldn't throw you in. The water is freezing cold at this time of the year."

"It was also cold when you threw me into a pond on the day we met."

"You can't compare that. Back then, the pond wasn't even frozen."

"And yet, it was cold."

Lan smiled, then wrapped his arms around her. "I did make a fire for you."

Moiraine remembered the fire. It didn't help with the water or cold, but it had been a sweet gesture of the Malkieri. "You did."

"But I'll gladly think about throwing you in when it's warmer again."

"I'll think I pass," the Aes Sedai laughed, freeing herself from his embrace. "It feels terrible when your clothes are soaked." Carefully, she moved closer to the lake.

"Be careful, my love."

"Do you think the ice is thick enough to carry me?"

"Moiraine." She heard the warning in Lan's voice and turned toward him with a smile.

"It would be fun to walk on the ice."

The Malkieri's glare told her he didn't consider it funny. Would he try to stop her? Carefully, the Cairhien woman placed a foot on the ice. It cracked under her feet but didn't break.

"Moiraine." This time, Lan sounded angrier.

"It looks thick to me." With those words, she also placed the other foot on the ice. Again, the cracking sound echoed through the air, but the ice stayed.

"Blood and ashes! Would you stop?!"

Mischievously, Moiraine grinned at him. "Why don't you come and stop me?" In the meantime, she continued to walk backward, further onto the ice.

"Moiraine. Come back here."

"Come and get me."

Growling, the uncrowned king of Malkier stopped at the edge of the lake, eyeing the ice warily before he placed a foot on the ice. He grimaced at the cracking sound. "That is a stupid idea. Come back here."

Instead of answering him, Moiraine turned around and kept walking. The ice was obviously thick enough to carry her.

"Moiraine!"

"It's fine." She couldn't move fast on the ice but slowly made it further into the middle. "The ice even stopped- Oh!" Moiraine slipped, and her butt hit the ice hard. The ice cracked dangerously but still didn't break. At least she managed to keep her head from hitting the surface.

"Moiraine!" Finally, the Malkieri dared to step onto the ice, coming for the rescue. Gracefully, he slithered toward her, then offered his hands to help her up. "Are you injured?"

"Definitely my pride." The Aes Sedai allowed her Warder to help her up, then grimaced. "And maybe my butt. It didn't like hitting the ice like that."

"Your butt, hm?" With that, she had Lan's attention. He pulled her close and grabbed her butt, squeezing it softly.

Moiraine squeaked. "Lan!"

"It feels fine to me, but I gladly give it a thorough examination once we're back in the house."

"Everyone can see us!" The Aes Sedai hissed.

Lan laughed. "As if they don't already know about our recent activities. The entire house knows what we're doing in the bedroom." He smiled wolfishly. "And in the library."

"And whose fault is that?" Moiraine glared at him. Her cheeks were burning, and her body reacted when she thought about Lan's hands on her body. "I told you the library is a stupid idea."

The insufferable man raised a questioning eyebrow. "Does that mean you don't like what I'm doing to you in the library?"

Moiraine was certain snow would melt on her cheeks should it start to snow now. "That's not what I-"

Lan cut her off by kissing her hungrily. "Good. Because I love the library and I love loving you there."

Maybe a cold bath wouldn't be so bad right now. Lan's words did terrible things to Moiraine's body. She needed to distract him before he thought about bedding her on that lake. "How about you show me how you moved on that ice without falling?"

This time, he grimaced. "I would rather return to the horses."

"We barely stretched our legs. And I would like to learn." Carefully, the Cairhien woman freed herself and made a few steps on the ice. But she had no experience walking on ice and would have almost fallen again if Lan hadn't caught her at the last second.

"Light, woman. One day, you will kill yourself."

"Then help me and show me how to move properly on the ice."

Sighing heavily, the Malkieri gave up. "Alright. I'll show you, but then we'll return to the horses. I don't want you to catch a cold." He took a step back, then started to glide elegantly over the ice. "You don't have to do much. Your feet stay close to the ice, and you simply move them aside. It's called gliding. Of course, you have to keep your balance all the time so you won't fall."

It was ridiculous how good the man was at gliding over the ice. Moiraine watched him in disbelief. There was no way she would be able to copy that. "Simple, hm?"

"You can do that, Moiraine."

Nervously, the woman of the Blue Ajah licked her lips, then tried to follow her Warder's example. Feet stay close to the ice. Move them aside, and… BANG! Moiraine lost her balance and hit the ice again. Her butt protested at the rough treatment.

"That wasn't bad for a first attempt." The uncrowned king of Malkier came to her rescue, though she heard the amusement in his voice.

"As if. My butt disagrees with you."

Lan laughed. "Yeah, I can feel that. Come on. I'll help you." He took her arm and held on to her while they glided over the ice together.

Moiraine struggled a few times because she lost her balance, but Lan never let go and helped her to stay on her feet. After a few minutes, she found a rhythm, though she still leaned a lot on Lan. Of course, she wouldn't be Moiraine Damodred if she didn't insist at one point to try without her husband.

Calmly, the Malkieri tried to convince her not to push herself, but she didn't give up until he finally let go of her. It didn't look as elegant as when Lan had performed it, but at least she stayed on her feet.

"Very good," Lan said, smiling when she stopped a few feet away from him. "And now return to me."

Moiraine took a deep breath. She could do that. It didn't have to look perfect. As long as she stayed on her feet, everything was fine. She lifted her right foot when she felt Saidar filling the air. Someone channeled and wasn't far away. Immediately, her body longed to touch the One Power as well. It wanted to be filled with the sweet feeling Saidar brought.

But her feet were already moving to return to Lan. Moiraine's foot touched the ice, and she knew something was wrong when she heard the cracking sound underneath her. It was louder than all the other cracks before, and the ice felt thinner. In the next second, the surface beneath her broke apart, and the Aes Sedai fell into the cold water.

Moiraine's scream got swallowed by the water. The cold stung painfully before her skin turned numb. She tried to grab the ice but couldn't reach it. No matter how hard she fought to return to the surface, her clothes pulled her deeper and deeper. Shocked, she noticed how her movements slowed. She was out of air, and the cold water affected her ability to move. For a heartbeat, it crossed her mind to use Saidar, but she couldn't focus because of the cold.

Her vision blurred and became darker. Moiraine couldn't even see the hole where she had entered the lake anymore. The entire surface above her looked all the same. There was no escape.

Exhausted, Moiraine stopped fighting, and water filled her lungs. She was going to die. No last words. No last kiss. No goodbye. She regretted that she hadn't spent more time with Lan. Hopefully, the guards would stop him before he jumped after her. Forgive me, Lan. I love you.

While she sank deeper toward the ground of the lake, the gigantic head of a smiling, dark-haired woman appeared in the water as clearly as if she was truly with Moiraine in the water. Lanfear, Moiraine thought before she closed her eyes. Did she finally get what she had wished for? Had she found another way to kill Moiraine?

Something grabbed and pulled at her, but the Cairhien woman couldn't open her eyes again. Slowly, she felt how she drifted away. Her soul was ready to leave that world.

And then her head popped out of the water, and air hit her cold skin. Coughing, Moiraine tried to free her lungs from the water. She still couldn't see anything, but her lungs were burning.

"Keep breathing."

Her body was placed on the ice, but she couldn't move. There was so much water in her lungs! Besides, Moiraine's body felt numb. She didn't know how to use her arms or hands. Nothing worked.

"I've got you."

Lan. Finally, her frozen brain recognized the Malkieri's voice. Lan was there. Water dripped over her, then two strong arms grabbed her and pulled her against Lan's chest. He was soaked, just like her. Did he jump into the water? Did he pull her out?

"Stay with me, Moiraine."

The Aes Sedai had no idea how her Warder made it back to the bank of the lake without falling. It didn't even bother him to carry her.

"My Lord! We tried to find dry wood, but there is none."

Cursing, Lan placed Moiraine on the ground. "Can you channel?"

The Cairhien woman tried to embrace the source but couldn't focus. Her entire body was made out of ice, and it was as if her hands didn't exist any longer. Sadly, she shook her head. "Ca… ca… n't… fe… el… my… fin… gers."

Another curse left Lan's lips, then he grabbed her hands and started to rub them. "I need you to channel to dry your clothes. You won't make it back to Fal Dara if you can't dry them."

Moiraine's eyes fell on Lan's clothes. He was as drenched as she was because he jumped after her. She wasn't the only one who wouldn't make it back. Again, she closed her eyes and opened herself to Saidar. The One Power was there but slipped through her fingers all the time.

"Gather around us!" Lan barked. "She needs all the warmth she can get to touch the source."

The guards didn't ask questions or hesitated. Moiraine could hear their footsteps when they created a ring around them. Because of that, the wind died since it couldn't pass the guards, and for a moment, the Cairhien woman felt a little warmer.

In the meantime, Lan never stopped rubbing her hands and used the last of his warm breath to give her as much warmth as possible.

Imagine a rosebud, Moiraine thought to herself. A pink rosebud, and it's growing under your touch.

Saidar filled her veins, and her body cheered at the feeling. She had done it!

Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier let go of her when he felt the power through the bond. "Good. Now dry your clothes."

They didn't have much time. Moiraine could easily lose control over Saidar again, and it became harder to channel with every passing minute. Yet, when the woman of the Blue Ajah opened her eyes, all she could see was her husband, whose lips began to turn blue. Her husband, who had risked his life by jumping after her. The man of her heart, who was as drenched as she was and shivering because of the cold. Her soulmate, who would die if she didn't help him.

At that moment, Moiraine didn't think twice. Her hands created the necessary weaves, then she used them on the Malkieri. She pulled the water out of his clothes and hair while sending a warm wind to warm him.

"No!" Lan was angry. "Use it on yourself, foolish woman! You can help me later!"

But she didn't stop. She wouldn't let Lan suffer. Once his clothes were dry, Moiraine used the weave on her own clothes. Her connection to the One Power got weaker and could slip her entirely if she wasn't careful.

Love filled the bond, and the Aes Sedai noticed how her Warder tried to send her his strength. He must have felt her struggle but didn't dare to touch her.

It felt like an eternity when Moiraine was finally done, and Saidar slipped from her at the same moment. Her body gave up, and she fell. Luckily, Lan reacted quickly, catching her before she hit the ground.

"You did well, my love," he said soothingly, brushing a lock out of her face. "I'll take it from here." Then he turned toward the guards. "Get the horses. And find me a blanket or a cloak. Anything, as long as I can use it to wrap my wife in it. We must keep her warm until we're back in Fal Dara."

Relieved, Moiraine noticed that Lan's lips weren't blue anymore. He would be fine. He wouldn't die because of her. Exhausted, she snuggled deeper into his arms. Her eyes felt heavy, and although he wasn't exactly warm, she enjoyed the safe feeling he gave her. Everything would be alright. Lan would handle the situation as always.

Darkness welcomed Moiraine, and she allowed herself to fall.

Chapter Text

Lanfear's POV

Lanfear wasn't mad when the flower pot missed, although she was sad that Moiraine hadn't burned the books about her real life. The daughter of the night had worked so hard to think about all those wonderful titles, wishing to bring back Moiraine's memories. She had hoped to trigger the Blue so she would talk about being her Warder's wife and all that stuff that would make her blood boil and cause her pain.

Everything had gone so well when the silly little girl saw Lanfear laughing over one of those books and showing it to Moiraine. But instead, the Malkieri had urged his wife to leave the bookstore. It had been a shame. All that hard work for nothing.

Luckily, there were enough opportunities to get rid of the Aes Sedai. Lanfear started following the Blue, observing her every move while planning her next step. She spent a lot of time among the servants, listening to them babbling about the lord and the lady. Especially their intimate life kept the servants in a very good mood since the lady didn't drink heartleaf, and everyone waited for the announcement of an heir being born soon.

The bolder servants – who were also the eldest – even placed bets when Moiraine would show the first signs of carrying a child. It was hilarious, and Lanfear couldn't stop smiling. Who would have thought that the cold, ruthless, and planning Aes Sedai was subconsciously thinking about becoming a mother? Or was it that life that had influenced her thinking?

And then came the day when Moiraine and Lan left the city for a ride. Countless ideas filled Lanfear's head about how to use the horse to kill Moiraine. Or maybe it would be her husband's stallion who would end Moiraine's life? It would look to everyone like a riding accident – not that the daughter of the night cared about that. She just needed to find a way to kill the annoying Aes Sedai.

In the end, it was Moiraine who found the perfect opportunity herself when they stopped at a frozen lake. Drowning was slow and painful. A perfect choice to end Moiraine's life.

Lanfear allowed her to have some fun with her Warder before she embraced Saidar to break the thick ice underneath Moiraine's feet. She wanted the Blue to know it had been her who killed her. The scream echoed in Lanfear's ears, and she couldn't stop smiling. Such a lovely sound. Was Moiraine thinking about her? Was she scared? For a moment, she was tempted to portal herself into the lake just to watch the Cairhien woman fight for her life.

Moiraine's POV

The ride back to Fal Dara was a blur to Moiraine. She thought she remembered waking up a few times but couldn't remember what she had seen. The only thing that had always been there was Lan's arms around her, keeping her upright and on Mandarb's back. Something had been wrapped around her body, yet she still didn't feel warm. The water of the frozen lake had pulled all the warmth from her body.

In the end, loud voices pulled her from her sleep. She was still pressed against Lan's chest, but they weren't riding anymore. Lan carried her now and was arguing with someone. Or was he giving orders? Moiraine couldn't tell. She was exhausted and felt weak. Hopefully, the man placed her in their comfortable bed so she could continue to sleep.

When she felt a chair underneath her, Moiraine forced her eyes open. That wasn't the comfortable bed she had hoped for! Why wasn't she in their bedroom?

Lan kneeled before her, opening the laces of her pants and tunic. Where was her cloak? – Or her boots?! Confused, the Aes Sedai looked around them. That wasn't their home!

After blinking a few times to clear her vision, she recognized the big bathtub of the bathhouse. Why were they in there?

"Lan?" She asked, confused. "What are we doing here?"

He continued to undress her. "Don't worry, my love. We have the bathhouse all to ourselves. I told the owner not to let anyone else in."

The Cairhien woman didn't know what to say. Why had Lan chosen a bathhouse instead of returning home? She shivered when the Malkieri pulled off her pants and smallclothes at once, then opened her tunic and pulled it over her arms. Immediately, she crossed her arms before her chest to cover her naked body. What was he thinking?!

"Lan. This is not the time-"

But the man already slipped out of his own clothes until he stood as naked before her as she was. Moiraine gulped when she took him in. Light! She shouldn't be staring!

"Come here."

Luckily, Lan didn't seem to notice. Instead, he picked her up and carried her to the giant bathtub. It was then that Moiraine realized she was shivering, although the bathhouse was warm. Her body still remembered the involuntary swim in the lake.

"There you go." Carefully, the uncrowned king of Malkier placed her in the hot water.

The water ended shortly under her collarbone, but Moiraine's body reacted immediately. Pictures of a frozen lake and broken ice appeared before her eyes. She felt the cold water on her skin finding a way into her lungs – immobilizing her – while the world around her became dark.

In panic, the Cairhien woman jumped to her feet. She had to get out! She couldn't breathe! The water was closing in on her!

"Moiraine! Moiraine!"

Lan's strong hands caught her, pulling her back into the water. Why was he pulling her under?! Was he trying to kill her?!

"Moiraine, breathe!"

But she couldn't! Her lungs were filled with ice-cold water! Desperately, she tried to reach the surface! She needed air! She didn't want to die!

"Blood and ashes!"

Lan lifted her onto the rim of the bathtub so she could sit on it. Only her legs were hanging in the hot water. Worried, the Malkieri cupped her face in his hands.

"Look at me."

It helped. Moiraine didn't know how he did it, but it helped to look at Lan. He wasn't a blur or a vision. His body was placed between her spread legs, being as close as possible to help her with her panic attack.

"Good. Take deep breaths, my love. In through the nose, out through the mouth."

For a few minutes, they did nothing else than that. Lan kept breathing with her while Moiraine did her best to copy him until she had calmed. That wasn't the lake. It was a bathtub. She wouldn't drown. Lan was with her. He wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"You're shivering," Lan said quietly, and Moiraine realized he was right. "I would like to put you back into the water. Do you think you can do it now?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah reached for his hands. "Don't let go of me."

"Never," the uncrowned king of Malkier promised.

Carefully, he helped her to stand, pulling her close against his body. Then, he slowly lowered them back into the water.

Moiraine dug her fingers into his shoulders when her panic started to rise again. Lan waited until it became bearable for her again, then continued. All the time, their bodies were pressed together. Surprisingly, it helped Moiraine to keep the memories under control.

The bathhouse wasn't the lake. She wasn't sinking or not able to breathe. Lan was with her, helping her to overcome her fear.

Once the man from the Borderlands sat, he pulled the Cairhien woman in his lap so she could straddle him. The water ended under her breasts, leaving them on full display, but it was easier to deal with her panic this way.

"Better?" Lan wanted to know, rubbing his hands in soothing circles over her back.

Moiraine nodded. She didn't feel good, but definitely better. It was easier to control her panic while her body touched Lan's. He hadn't been with her in the water while she had sunken deeper and deeper. And when he finally pulled her out of there, Moiraine had almost lost consciousness.

"Breathe," the Malkieri said softly when he noticed how she tensed. "I'm here." Gently, he pulled her head closer and kissed her.

The Cairhien woman moaned when she tasted him. One kiss and he made her forget about the nightmare she had been in. But when her hands started to wander over his body, the Malkieri blocked her and retreated.

Smiling, he said, "Not now. I need you to get warm again."

For a moment, Moiraine thought about protesting, but then Lan pulled her flush against his chest, wrapping his arms around her to hold her close. The Aes Sedai gave up and wrapped her arms around his neck, taking deep breaths and inhaling Lan's scent. Finally, her body started to feel warm again.

After what felt like an eternity, Lan broke the silence.

"How are you doing?"

Blinking, Moiraine noticed she had almost fallen asleep in Lan's arms. The warmth of the water and air, additionally to Lan's presence, allowed her to relax.

"I don't feel cold anymore."

"That's good." Lan's hand rubbed up and down her back. "When we're back home, I will put you into bed. A thick blanket and a warm fire should keep the cold away."

Cold. Moiraine remembered the cold of the water. Never before had she felt as cold as when she had been drowning. Without Lan…

"Stop." Lan's voice was calm and full of love. "It's over now. You're alive, and that's all I care about. Forget the lake. It was a terrible accident and won't happen again."

At first, the Cairhien woman wanted to agree with him, but then her mind remembered something else. The memory of feeling Saidar only seconds before the ice broke under her feet. She hadn't seen anyone, but the channeler couldn't have been too far away. Slowly, she straightened.

Her face must've given away her doubts because Lan narrowed his eyes at her and asked sharply, "What is it?"

"Did the guards notice anything unusual?"

"They didn't mention anything at all. What would be unusual in your eyes?"

Moiraine bit her lip. Had she imagined the channeler? Surely, the guards must've noticed someone even without seeing the weaves. Was her mind playing tricks on her?

"Moiraine? Talk to me, please. Did the guards miss anything?"

"I'm not sure."

Maybe she did just imagine it. After all, why should anyone be out there? There had been nothing. No houses, no farms, no village. It would've been a massive coincidence if someone accidentally stumbled across them.

"Something is bothering you, so it can't be nothing. What did you notice?"

"Maybe I misremember it."

Lan shook his head. "That would be a first. What did you notice?"

Moiraine took a deep breath. "I felt someone channeling."

There was silence while Lan processed her words. "At the lake?" When Moiraine nodded, his eyes narrowed at her. "When did you feel it?"

It had been an accident. It had to be. "Right before the ice broke," the Cairhien woman whispered.

The Malkieri's eyes became hard, and she shivered. Her husband looked like he wished to kill someone. "You won't leave the house anymore without me and the guards accompanying you."

"Lan-"

"Not until we find that crazy woman who tries to kill you."

"You need to focus on the fight against the Blight."

"First, I need to know you are safe. The Blight can wait."

Moiraine wanted to protest, but Lan pulled her back against him. His arms squeezed her as if he was afraid she could disappear. He buried his nose in her dark locks, and she felt him inhaling deeply. Was he trying to calm himself, or did he plan something?

Sighing, the Aes Sedai let her own thoughts run wild. If that woman she thought of as Lanfear had indeed tried to kill her, what would be her next attempt? The guards were a mere obstacle to that powerful woman. She would kill them with ease. But Moiraine was more worried about what that woman would do to Lan if he placed himself between her and her attacker. She didn't want him to get hurt.

Once they had warmed up again – though Moiraine believed it would take her quite a while before her body truly felt warm again – the Aes Sedai and Warder returned home. Lan had ensured to keep her close to him on their way back while one hand had touched one of his daggers the entire time. Moiraine's announcement about the female channeler at the lake must've rattled him.

Only four guards had waited outside the bathhouse, and Lan had cursed his own stupidity for sending the others home earlier. Moiraine had tried to calm him, but it was easier to talk to Aldieb than Lan when he was like that. He refused to listen.

Now, they were in their bedroom, where someone had already started a fire. Lan had ordered tea and soup before helping Moiraine out of her clothes. They smelled like the lake, though the Cairhien woman had pulled the water out of them.

Surprisingly, Lan didn't care when Moiraine stood naked before him. It was as if he didn't see her at all. Instead, he simply brought her a new set of smallclothes and an underdress, then helped her to put on a new dress. The woman of the Blue Ajah didn't know if she should be relieved or insulted.

Lan opened his tunic when someone knocked at the door. Vera entered with a tray in her hands. She had two bowls of soup with her and a bag of herbs for tea.

"Where is Trenko?" The uncrowned king of Malkier wanted to know, yet he didn't stop undressing. "Why is he not bringing the soup?"

"Forgive me, my Lord. We can't find him. The guards are already searching for him."

Alarmed, Moiraine and Lan exchanged a look. One of their servants was missing? Who else was missing? Was their enemy already in the house?

"You can put the tray on the table, Vera," Moiraine finally said.

"Of course, my Lady. Would you like me to prepare your tea?"

"Yes please."

While the young woman worked with the hot water over the fire, the Cairhien woman joined the Malkieri at the window. His shoulders were tensed, and she felt the rage through the bond.

"It could mean nothing," she murmured quietly, moving her hands over his tensed muscles. "He could've… left to go to the market or… because he needed something from… a tailor." Even in her ears, those possibilities sounded doubtful.

Growling, Lan turned around. "We both know that's not what happened."

"We don't know what happened. We just returned."

Lan cupped her face and pulled their foreheads together. "I don't want you to leave the house. Light. I don't want you to leave that room until I searched every room and corner for that woman."

"And what do you intend to do should you find her?" Moiraine glared at him. "She is a powerful channeler. Far more powerful than Egwene. What do you think she will do when you try to cut her head off with your sword?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier growled. "What do you expect of me? That I do nothing and wait for her to kill you?! I will not-"

Moiraine closed the distance and pressed her lips on his to shut him up. At first, he growled before he pulled her body closer, deepening the kiss. His instincts took over.

"Peace, Lan," Moiraine whispered against his lips when they both needed air again. "I don't have a plan yet. Maybe we sit down for a cup of tea and talk about the situation and our possibilities?"

At this moment, Vera interrupted the couple. "Tea is served, my Lady."

"Thank you, Vera." Moiraine raised a questioning eyebrow at Lan until he nodded.

"Alright. Give me a moment to change, and then I sit down with you."

"Excellent idea, dearest," the Aes Sedai teased her Warder.

Growling playfully, Lan kissed her hungrily before he pushed her off him. Their bodies were dangerously close to doing so much more than 'talking'.

Chuckling, Moiraine turned toward Vera, who had lowered her eyes discreetly to the floor. The Borderlands truly had changed her. As a young Cairhien woman, she would've never shown her feelings openly in public.

"Thank you, Vera," she said when she reached the young woman. Steam rose from the teapot. "You may leave now."

"Don't you want me to pour you some tea, my Lady?"

For a moment, the Aes Sedai thought about telling her 'no', but the shocked look on Vera's face made her change her mind. Sighing, Moiraine took a seat. "Of course. Please proceed."

Vera poured her a cup, then handed her the object. "For you, my Lady."

Thankfully, Moiraine took it and placed her hands around the cup. The warmth felt incredible, and the smell of the herbs made her smile. She loved a good tea. "Wonderful."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Carefully, Moiraine took a sip while she thought about her following words. "When did you see Trenko for the last time?"

"Not long ago. He is missing for an hour now."

"And no one saw where he went?" The Cairhien woman took another sip. The tea was good, though the herbs kind of burned on her tongue.

"No." Vera grabbed the pot and put it back over the fire.

Moiraine grimaced when she took another sip. The burning intensified slowly. She would have to tell the kitchen to stop buying it. When did they start experimenting with the tea?

"Is something wrong, my Lady?" It took the Aes Sedai a moment before she noticed Vera's voice had changed. Surprised, she lifted her head. The young woman stood at the fire and smiled wildly. Why was she smiling? "You don't look well."

Suddenly, Moiraine's lips began to turn numb. "What-?" Right before her eyes, Vera's figure blurred before it turned into the black-haired woman from Moiraine's nightmare. "Lanfear!"

"Moiraine!"

Lan! He had changed his clothes behind them! But Lanfear made a quick movement with her hand, and Moiraine felt Saidar filling the air. Shocked, she turned toward her husband. The uncrowned king of Malkier had been able to change his pants, but his chest was still bare. Saidar kept him hanging in the air, stretched as if invisible ropes pulled his arms and legs aside without being able to move.

"Lan!"

Lanfear laughed. "Oh, it's adorable how you care about him. You really love him, don't you?"

Moiraine tried to embrace Saidar, but the dark-haired woman made another hand movement and threw a shield over Moiraine. It was a terrible feeling to be cut off from the One Power, and a memory appeared before Moiraine's eyes. She was at the eye of the world with Rand, and the father of lies shielded her from Saidar.

Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah shook her head. That hadn't happened to her! It was an implanted memory from Lanfear – or whoever that woman was.

"You shouldn't worry about him, little one," Lanfear purred. "It'll all be over for you in a few minutes."

Finally, Moiraine understood what her numb lips meant. She had been poisoned! The steamy cup fell out of her hands, shattering on the floor. At the same time, she noticed how the poison moved through her veins, setting them on fire. Her body felt like it was burning from the inside.

"No," the Aes Sedai whispered.

More memories flooded her brain. Pictures of her and Lan in Falme. Lan, turning into Lanfear after kissing Moiraine. Numb lips. Burning on the inside. Poison rushing through her veins.

Enjoy what's coming for you. All those possibilities what your life could've looked like if you had made a different decision. I wonder what would've happened to you if you never found the Dragon Reborn. Would you be at the White Tower? Or somewhere else?

No! Moiraine thought, screaming in her mind. It's not real. It's a nightmare. I'm Lan's wife.

Immediately, the burning in her veins intensified. Gasping, Moiraine went to her knees, trying to breathe through the pain that washed over her.

"It's all your fault, you know? If only you would've died after a couple of days, you wouldn't have to go through it again. But you decided to resist death, so I had to come for you." Lanfear stepped closer and grabbed Moiraine's chin, pulling it up so she had to look at her. "Now, be a good girl and die like you were supposed to."

Moiraine wanted to scream, but her throat didn't obey. She felt Lan's panic through the bond but couldn't even send anything back in return. Lanfear blurred before her eyes, then her eyelids closed. Burning, the Aes Sedai fell through endless darkness.

Chapter Text

Lanfear's POV

Lanfear was tired of being creative. Moiraine seemed to be extremely lucky, so Lanfear would end her like it had started by using poison. She wouldn't try to kiss her – that would've been too obvious – but poisoning her tea was easy.

The daughter of the night knocked out Moiraine's servant and took her place. She even knocked out the man who was supposed to bring the tea to the lord and the lady. No one would stop her from killing Moiraine now. Today, she would take her last breath.

And it worked perfectly. Once, Lanfear thought she had to vomit while watching the two lovebirds, but otherwise, everything went well. Moiraine drank the poisoned tea, Lanfear revealed herself, then watched smiling how the Cairhien woman finally closed her eyes when the poison did its job.

Moiraine's husband was devastated and screamed a lot, but the daughter of the night didn't focus on him. Her attention was on the dark-haired woman. She had used a simple poison, not the one from the real world. But she wanted to be sure the Aes Sedai wouldn't open her eyes again.

A quick delving told her the woman wasn't faking her death. Moiraine had finally taken her last breath. And then Lanfear's eyes widened. Her weave found something else. Another heartbeat. Small, but it was racing.

Well, look at that. That bitch got herself pregnant.

Lanfear's weave continued to explore. The baby wasn't big – probably only a few months old. Did Moiraine know? Or was she too distracted from her worries about Lanfear?

Maybe I should've let her live until the baby was born. It would've been so fun to take her loved ones from her before I killed her.

Sighing, she shrugged her shoulder. What was done was done. Moiraine was finally dead, and it was time for Lanfear to return to the real world. Rand would be an easier target without Moiraine's interfering. She only had to find a way to get to him without the other Forsaken finding out.

Moiraine's POV

Gasping, Moiraine opened her eyes. Her head was killing her. She felt like she was burning up, and her body was aching. When she tried to sit up, her arms were trembling.

"Moiraine." Lan appeared beside her, pushing her gently back onto the mattress. "Don't move."

The Cairhien woman didn't have the strength to fight against him, so she obeyed. "Lanfear."

One word, and she already had to cough. Her voice sounded raspy, like she hadn't drunk anything for a while. How long had she been gone?

"She is gone for now," Lan explained while filling a cup with water. "Here." Carefully, the uncrowned king of Malkier lifted her head, then pressed the cup against her dry lips.

Thankfully, Moiraine took small sips. It was hard to swallow, but her throat welcomed the cool liquid. She didn't know what kind of poison Lanfear had given to her, but her body obviously fought against it.

When she couldn't drink anymore, Lan placed the cup beside her before helping her to lie down again. Moiraine shivered from feeling cold, which was ironic since her body felt like it was burning up. What did Lanfear do to her?

"Are you hurt?"

"Don't worry about me." Lan brushed a wet lock out of her face, then grabbed the blanket to tug her in. "We need to focus on you getting better."

Cursing, Moiraine tried again to sit up. If Lan didn't give her a straight answer, she would find out herself.

"Moiraine, stop." Lan pushed her back down gently. "You need to rest to regain your strength."

But the Cairhien woman wasn't listening. Although her body protested, and she didn't have the strength to actually fight the Malkieri, she continued grabbing his arms. She would check him for injuries. If Lanfear hurt him…

"Moiraine, please." Cursing, her Warder gave up to tug his Aes Sedai in. He sat beside her, took her hands, and placed them on his cheeks. "There. I'm alright. Lanfear didn't touch me."

Trembling, the woman of the Blue Ajah examined the Malkieri with her eyes. Was he telling the truth? Was he truly unhurt? But Lanfear had used the One Power on him. Had she only done it to keep him from intervening?

"She didn't hurt you?"

Lan shook his head. "Lanfear disappeared before I reached you. She wasn't interested in me."

It was hard to believe that. Why should her attacker leave without trying to hurt Lan? Hadn't the attack on Moiraine been the reason to keep Lan from continuing with his battle against the Shadowspawn?

"Will you now allow me to-"

It was hard, yet Moiraine opened herself to Saidar. She couldn't believe Lanfear hadn't used the One Power to hurt Lan. He must have hidden it from her. Or maybe it was because she wasn't feeling well that she didn't notice it. Whatever the reason was, she would find the truth.

"Moiraine, stop." Lan took her hands so she couldn't weave.

Growling, Moiraine tried to free herself but noticed again she wasn't strong enough. "Let go."

"I'm not hurt. I don't need healing."

"I don't believe that. Let me delve you."

The uncrowned king of Malkier sighed heavily and mumbled something inaudible. In the meantime, he rearranged their positions, climbing into bed with her and wrapping her in his arms.

"No. I want to delve you first."

"Stop being stubborn. You have a fever, and your body needs to rest to fight against the poison. Channeling is the last thing you should do right now."

His embrace felt good, and her traitorous body melted against him though she tried to free herself. Saidar still filled her, but it became harder with every passing minute. Her headache and the aching in her bones intensified because of holding on to Saidar.

Finally, the Aes Sedai gave up and let go of the One Power. Exhausted, she placed her head on Lan's chest and closed her eyes. Light! She felt terrible!

"Thank you," the Malkieri sighed, grabbing the blanket to cover her.

Lan's presence and his rubbing hand on her back lured the Cairhien woman to sleep again. It was hard not to fight against the darkness, but Moiraine ultimately gave up. She needed her strength back if she wanted a chance to win against Lan.

When Moiraine opened her eyes the next time, she was still snuggled up to Lan. Apparently, the man hadn't left her side.

"Welcome back," the Malkieri whispered. "How do you feel?"

Yawning, the Cairhien woman tried to stretch, but her body protested at the same moment, sending a wave of pain through her veins. "Ow."

"Easy. Your body is still fighting against the poison. You have a fever and shouldn't push yourself too early."

Groaning, Moiraine hid her face in Lan's tunic. She hated to feel weak. Lan would go into full overprotective mode, and she didn't have the strength to stop him.

"I wouldn't mind if Egwene could give me a healing now," she murmured against his chest. "My head is killing me."

"Egwene?" Lan sounded confused. "I don't trust her enough to know the proper weave. She barely had time to learn."

"She had enough time during her travel."

Silence filled the room, and Moiraine noticed how Lan's grip on her tightened. "Her travel? You barely had time to show her anything when she rode with us."

Now, it was up to Moiraine to furrow her forehead. What was Lan talking about? "Lan, I'm too tired for such nonsense, and my head is killing me."

"Right," Lan said.

Carefully, he rolled her on her back, then sat upright like he thought about leaving the bed. Growling, Moiraine grabbed his tunic. "I didn't say anything about you should leave."

"I won't be gone for long. I just have to inform someone to call Nynaeve."

Nynaeve. Moiraine felt like Lan had slapped her in the face. Was he trying to be funny? Or was that a test? "I didn't hit my head, Lan. My memories are fine. There's no need to check if I remember our life."

Lan stopped but was clearly confused by her words. "Moiraine, what are you talking about? Why should I doubt your memories?"

"I know what's real and what's not by now. I know Nynaeve died during the Trolloc attack. So don't test me."

Moiraine had assumed Lan would show any sign of relief at her words, but not that he froze, looking at her like he had never seen her before in his life. Did she say anything wrong? Was he not feeling well?

Gently, her Warder cupped her cheek with one hand. "What's your name?"

Annoyed, the Aes Sedai rolled her eyes and swatted his hand away. She wasn't in the mood for games. "I told you I'm not in the mood for such nonsense, Lan. My head kills me." Pouting, she grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around herself before snuggling closer to Lan's side of the bed, which was still warm.

"Nonsense?!" Moiraine heard how Lan took a deep breath before he continued in a calmer voice, "You're the one who makes no sense right now, which is the reason why I have to keep asking. You don't know Nynaeve?"

Worry filled the bond, and Moiraine looked at the Malkieri. He still hadn't moved, but the worry was also visible in his eyes. What was going on? "I told you," she responded calmly. "Nynaeve died during the Trolloc attack in the Two Rivers. The false memories about her surviving and finding us haven't returned."

The uncrowned king of Malkier opened his mouth, then closed it again. He repeated that motion several times before finally jumping to his feet. "Alright. First things first."

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah watched him walk to the door. Where was he going? At that moment, Moiraine noticed something else. The wall. The bed. The entire room. They weren't in Fal Dara.

"Where are we?" Lan froze at the door, but Moiraine didn't really notice. "This isn't Fal Dara."

A false memory appeared before Moiraine's eyes. She and Lan, fighting against the Seanchan at the beach before Moiraine created a gigantic fire dragon to announce Rand as the Dragon Reborn to the citizens of Falme.

"No. Not again." Growling, Moiraine held her pounding head. Why did those memories return? She had been rid of them! She couldn't do that to Lan again. The man would be furious if he found out.

Quiet voices reached her ears, though she couldn't understand a word. Had Lan positioned some guards outside their door? Had he brought them somewhere safe after Lanfear's last attack? But how did he get her to Falme so fast? Surely, she hadn't been unconscious for months. And why Falme? He knew her false memories had ended there. Why would he choose that city?

"Drink that."

Lan was back, offering the water cup to her. Moiraine took a few sips, but it didn't help against her headache or the sick feeling. She couldn't go through all that again. She had known what was right and wrong, and now… she was back to square one. When would that stop?

"You need to drink. Your body needs it."

"Where are we?" Moiraine asked hoarsely.

"We are still in Falme."

She had known his answer, yet it brought her no relief. Instead, she felt like her head was exploding. Denying, she shook her head while unshed tears burned in her eyes. "This can't be happening. Why do I have to go through this again? I knew what was right and wrong. Everything had been fine before she appeared in my dream."

"Who appeared?" The Malkieri wanted to know. "Lanfear?" This Lan wasn't afraid or hesitated to use the name of the daughter of the night. As if he was used to it.

Frustrated, the Aes Sedai rubbed her temples. This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real. Unlike before, when she had thought about the false memories, nothing happened. Her pain didn't intensify, her blood wasn't boiling, and she didn't feel like she was burning from the inside. What was different now? Why wasn't she feeling any of that?

"I can't do this again." Moiraine tried to stand up. She needed fresh air. She needed to find someone who could heal her so she could think clearly again.

"Moiraine, don't. Your body isn't strong enough to-" But since Lan was still holding the water cup, he couldn't use both hands to stop her. Cursing, he grabbed her arm with his free hand while trying to put down the water cup when Moiraine continued to fight against him.

"No. This isn't real. This isn't real. That is Lanfear's doing. This world doesn't exist."

Panic rose in the Aes Sedai. She didn't want to feel helpless again. Once, she thought she had lost her mind until Lan finally convinced her of the truth. She wouldn't do that a second time.

"Moiraine, please. Let us talk."

Talking. He didn't want to talk. He just waited for the Healer to arrive so they could give her some kind of herbs to confuse her even more. She was caught in her nightmare.

"You're not real. Let go of me. I know the truth."

Frustration filled the bond, but the uncrowned king of Malkier let go of her. He still blocked her way to leave the bed, but at least he didn't touch her anymore. Calmly, he held up his hands in defense to show her he wasn't a threat to her. "You have a fever, Moiraine. The poison is still running through your veins."

"I know the truth." Moiraine's eyes fell on her right hand, and she gulped. Her wedding ring. Her wedding ring was missing. And the golden serpent ring! Absentmindedly, she rubbed the empty spot on her ring finger and whispered, "I know the truth." She was married to Lan and caught in a nightmare. Once she awoke, she would be back with her husband.

"I'm your Warder, Moiraine. Listen to the bond."

The Cairhien woman shook her head. "No. This isn't real. I just have to wake up."

"You're awake. That is the poison talking. Don't let Lanfear win."

Lanfear. She had poisoned Moiraine, and it had brought that nightmare to her. Maybe if she… Slowly, the Aes Sedai turned her attention to her Warder, who cautiously watched her every move.

"Easy," he said gently when she leaned in on him.

The woman of the Blue Ajah allowed him to cup her face to pull their foreheads together. How long had Lanfear watched them? What else would that copy of Lan do to convince Moiraine that this world was the real one?

"I've got you."

A chuckle escaped Moiraine's lips. As if she would fall for that. One arm moved to Lan's lower back. If she acted quickly, that copy wouldn't be able to stop her. Lanfear's plan wouldn't work out.

Finally, Moiraine found what she had been looking for, and a smile appeared on her lips. "Your tricks don't work with me, Lanfear."

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. At the same time, the Cairhien woman drew one of his daggers and attacked the fake Malkieri. Sadly, his instincts worked very well. Instead of slicing his throat, the man from the Borderlands pulled back quickly. The blade barely touched his skin.

Lan cursed, but Moiraine didn't care. She didn't have much time if she wanted to outsmart Lanfear. She wouldn't get another chance. Before she could change her mind, she placed the dagger against her own throat.

"No!"

Maybe it was because that body was weakened from the fever and the poison, or perhaps she had miscalculated how fast Lan could react to something. Whatever it was, the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't hesitate to grab the blade to pull it away from her throat before she could do anything worse than slightly cut into her skin.

Moiraine growled. "Let go!"

"I won't let you hurt yourself!"

Blood appeared between Lan's fingers while he held on to the blade. He must've cut himself during his attempt to stop her. His other hand grabbed her free hand so she couldn't scratch him, then he pulled the dagger out of her weak hand and threw it across the room.

Of course, Moiraine didn't hesitate to try again. Lan was a man who had more than one dagger on him, and she intended to get through with her plan. She had to return home to her husband!

The Malkieri cursed when he noticed she reached for his other daggers. "Blood and ashes! Will you stop?!" Angrily, he grabbed all his daggers and threw them across the room, out of Moiraine's reach.

"No!" Light! She had one chance and couldn't go through with it! "I need to go back! I don't belong here!"

Furiously, she fought against Lan, who kept her from leaving the bed to get one of the daggers back.

"Moiraine, please," her Warder begged desperately. "Lanfear's poison confuses you and clouds your judgment. I'm not an illusion. This is real."

Moiraine shook her head. "No. This is a trick. This isn't real. You're not real. You're just a well-made copy, but Lanfear can't trick me. She won't win."

"You are Moiraine Damodred, Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah. We travel through this world together for twenty years, searching for Rand to prepare him for his battle against the Dark One. You just announced him the Dragon Reborn here in Falme almost three weeks ago, and we-"

"Liar," Moiraine hissed. "Rand died in the Two Rivers. None of that happened. You're not real. Lanfear created you to confuse me."

Sadness filled the bond momentarily, then the uncrowned king of Malkier wrapped the fighting Cairhien woman in his arms, giving her weak body no room to fight against him. Her arms were pressed against her upper body, unable to hurt him.

At the same time, pure love rolled through the bond, filling every cell of her weak body until there was no other emotion left in her. One of Lan's hands found her head and stroked her hair tenderly while he pressed a kiss on top of her head.

"It's alright. I'm here with you. You will feel better once Lanfear's poison is out of your veins."

"Stop," Moiraine whispered, choking on tears. That wasn't real. That wasn't her Lan. How could he send his love through the bond? "Don't."

"I'm here," Lan promised, kissing her head again. "You're not alone."

The Aes Sedai gave up. She wasn't strong enough to fight against him, and his presence and love felt so good… she was too tired to keep fighting. More tears escaped from her eyes, and her heavy breathing turned into silent sobs. This Lan was just a copy of hers, but she felt just as safe as she did with her husband. His kisses were sweet, and the way his hand stroked over her hair was calming.

At that moment, loud voices appeared outside the room, then the door was opened, and a young woman entered without knocking.

"There's no need for you to accompany me."

Nynaeve al'Meara stood in the middle of the room with two Whitecloaks behind her.

Chapter Text

Moiraine's first reaction was to run when she saw the Whitecloaks, but Lan simply tightened his grip on her and murmured in her hair, "You're Alys, and I'm Andra to them. Alys and Andra." Then he addressed Nynaeve, "That was quick. I didn't expect you so soon."

The Wisdom from the Two Rivers let her eyes move over Lan and Moiraine's position, and anger shone in them. "Do you want me to come back later?" She asked in a snippy tone. "If the two of you need more time to finish-"

"Alys needs your help," Lan growled, and Moiraine could feel his annoyance in the bond.

Nynaeve snorted, then turned toward the Whitecloaks. "Mistress Alys is awake, as you can see. It's not necessary for you to keep watching me. You saw how I treated her with herbs for the last few weeks. Herbs, not magic. Now return to your commander and tell him I'm a simple Wisdom – not an Aes Sedai."

"We have our orders-" One of the men started, but Nynaeve cut him off.

"And I need to respect my patient's privacy. She just woke up after someone tried to poison her. I'm certain she doesn't want strangers to be present while I examine her thoroughly."

The other Whitecloak opened his mouth, but the Wisdom was faster. "Your commander wanted you to watch me in case I'm using magic to heal my patients. I didn't. It took her weeks to wake up, always a step away from losing the fight against death. Now leave and tell your commander not to bother me again while I try to help the people of this city."

For a moment, the two Whitecloaks looked at each other, then threw a glance at Moiraine before they returned their attention to Nynaeve. "We will inform the commander about her condition, but he will decide if we continue to watch over your doings or not."

Glaring, Nynaeve crossed her arms before her chest while the intruders turned around and closed the door behind them. Once they were gone, the young woman released a growl and moved to the table. "Unbelievable. They followed me for two weeks, and not once did I use the One Power to heal anyone. What else do I have to do to convince them that I'm no Aes Sedai? Do they wish to cut me open?"

"Lower your voice," Lan said, glancing at the door warily. "You don't know who is listening."

The young woman looked like she wanted to snap at him, then stormed to the door and opened it. "No one there," she announced after checking, then closed the door. "They left."

"Still, we have to be careful. The official announcement of the White Tower is still everywhere, and we can't risk anyone to find out Moiraine and I are here."

"I know. We don't want anyone to disturb you during your couple-time," the young woman snapped at him while coming closer.

"Nynaeve." Lan's growl held a clear warning not to cross the line.

Moiraine didn't know what to say. All she could do was stare at the Wisdom from the Two Rivers with that braid, which she loved to pull at whenever she was angry. How was she alive? And what had she to do with the Whitecloaks? Was that all part of Lanfear's plan?

Nynaeve took Moiraine's right hand and searched for her pulse. "When did she wake up?"

"A few minutes ago before I sent that Whitecloak searching for you." The uncrowned king of Malkier gave the other woman some room to work, though he didn't let go of the Cairhien woman. "She isn't doing well."

Immediately, he had Nynaeve's attention. "What are you talking about? Did you notice anything?" Nothing indicated that she had been jealous one minute ago. All she cared about was helping a sick patient. "How is her fever?"

"She is still burning up, but she is… acting differently."

The Wisdom waved at the Malkieri. "Move. I need to check on her."

Immediately, all of Moiraine's senses were on high alert. The moment Lan released her, she could grab Nynaeve to pull her onto the bed. The Malkieri would be occupied with the young woman, and Moiraine could reach one of his daggers. They wouldn't be able to stop her.

Sadly, the copy of Lan didn't do her the favor of releasing her. He moved to sit behind her so Nynaeve could reach Moiraine but didn't let go of her hands. How did Lanfear know about her plan? How did she manipulate that world? Was she reading Moiraine's mind?

The Wisdom growled when she saw what Lan did. "When I say move, I meant leave. I need room to work and-" Her eyes widened suddenly, and she moved on to Lan, grabbing his chin and tilting his head back. "What is that?! Why are you bleeding?!"

"This is the reason why I can't leave Moiraine's side." Lan sighed in relief when Nynaeve let go of him. "She used one of my daggers to cut my throat."

"Why should she-" Confused, the young woman turned her head toward the Cairhien woman and noticed the small cut on Moiraine's throat. Shocked, she touched the injured skin, and the Aes Sedai winced. "Blood and ashes! She also has a cut. Is that a bond-thing?"

Lan shook his head in Moiraine's back. "I wish it was. But the truth is that Moiraine tried to kill herself after attacking me."

"You can't be serious," Nynaeve breathed in shock. "Why should she… I mean… she just woke up. Maybe she was confused-"

"She would try again if I let go of her now," the man from the Borderlands interrupted her. "I told you she is not acting like herself. Don't ask me why, but she insists we're not real since she woke up."

Cursing, Nynaeve sat beside Moiraine on the bed, checking her eyes before placing a hand on her forehead. "She is still burning up. Did she drink anything?"

"She took a few sips. You can hardly call that drinking."

When the young woman stood up again, the Cairhien woman tried again to free herself from the Malkieri. She had to wake up.

"Moiraine, stop."

"Let go. I need to return."

Sighing, the Malkieri hid his face in her hair, then whispered, "You did. You just returned to me."

"No. You're not real. None of you are real. I just need to-"

"Oh, for light's sake!" Angrily, Nynaeve stormed back with her hand lifted as if she were thinking about slapping Moiraine.

Luckily, Lan saw it, too, and positioned himself between the two women. He even forgot to hold on to Moiraine. "Don't you dare!"

"If she believes this is not real, then maybe a slap in the face helps her to see clearly again."

"That is not a solution."

"She tried to kill you. I doubt she will be open for reasoning."

Moiraine's eyes searched the room until she found Lan's dagger. While those two were arguing, she could try to reach one of them. All she needed was to get her hands on one of them. Carefully, she got to her feet. She was weak, but it wasn't far. It was more important that Lan didn't notice her escape.

"You're a Wisdom. So, help her with your herbs – not your fists."

"Herbs won't convince her about what's real and what's not."

"I swear, I will send you out and call for Elayne if you dare to slap her, Nynaeve," the uncrowned king of Malkier growled.

"I suggest you better have an eye on her since she is the one with the suicidal thoughts and just left bed."

Cursing, the Aes Sedai stopped trying to be quiet. She heard Lan cursing in her back and reached for one of the daggers. This time, she couldn't fail. If she didn't reach that dagger-

Her hand closed around the dagger when the Malkieri caught her. "Don't you dare!" Before she even had the chance to use the blade, Lan had already taken it from her and carried her back to the bed. "You stay away from sharp objects."

"Why don't you understand that I have to return?" Moiraine was frustrated. How could she convince him to let her go? Her Lan was in danger!

"Return to what?" Nynaeve wanted to know. Calmly, she watched how the Warder placed the upset Aes Sedai on the bed.

Moiraine glared at the young woman. "I have to return to my life before Lanfear kills those I care about."

"Your life." The Wisdom sounded like she didn't believe one word the Cairhien woman said. "It is your life's mission to mess with my life and those I care about. I give you an hour before you start asking me about Rand and his plans."

Rand al'Thor. The Dragon Reborn. Memories appeared before Moiraine's eyes. Rand at the eye of the world, fighting against Ishamael. Rand in bed with Lanfear, tied up while she uses the One Power. Rand, shielded by Siuan to proclaim him as the Dragon Reborn in Cairhien.

Quickly, the woman of the Blue Ajah shook her head. She couldn't allow those false memories to make her question herself. Lan had fought so hard to help her see the truth. She couldn't allow Lanfear to play with her thoughts again.

"No. The boy is dead. He died in the Two Rivers."

"Dead?" Nynaeve exchanged a glance with Lan. "Rand isn't dead. He is hiding with Perrin from the Whitecloaks."

Another memory. Whitecloaks. They had helped defeat the Seanchan, and Perrin had killed their captain-general.

"No. That's not-" Suddenly, the First Oath wrapped around her throat, keeping her from speaking. "Rand is d-" Again, the weave squeezed her throat uncomfortably.

"Moiraine," Lan said softly.

Did he feel her running out of air? Could he feel what the First Oath was doing to her? Why was that happening? She had been able to say Lan wasn't real. Why was the First Oath stopping her now?

More memories returned. The dagger of the Trolloc, piercing Moiraine's shoulder. The pain when the Trolloc poison moved through her body. Lan, carrying her out of Shadar Logoth while Mashadar moved through the streets. Nynaeve, riding with her and Lan, when they find the group of Aes Sedai, which escorted Logain Ablar to Tar Valon. The battle against Logain's army. Kerene's death. Stepin, attacking the false Dragon after Kerene's death. Nynaeve, touching the One Power for the first time and healing all injuries. Moiraine's reunion with Siuan in their secret hut. Siuan, exiling Moiraine from the Tower. The children and the Ogier, entering the Ways with Moiraine and Lan. Machin Shin. How they went to Fal Dara. Rand, knocking at Moiraine's door and telling her he is the Dragon Reborn. How she masked her bond with Lan while he was occupied bedding Nynaeve.

Suddenly, the woman of the Blue Ajah felt sick, and her stomach turned upside down. Lan noticed the danger and pulled a bucket out from under the bed. In the next second, Moiraine emptied the content of her stomach into the bucket, though it was only liquid.

Nynaeve appeared on her other side and held Moiraine's hair back while Lan ensured she didn't fall off the bed. Once Moiraine was done and there was nothing in her stomach left to throw up, Lan handed her a wet cloth to clean her face.

"What is happening?" The Aes Sedai whispered.

"It must be the poison," Nynaeve answered. "It seems like it's finally leaving your body. I have some herbs that help against nausea."

Moiraine was trembling and cold. Apparently, the poison affected her ability to ignore the cold. What else was it doing?

"I'll help you."

Lan's strong arms wrapped around her fragile body and helped her to sit properly on the bed again. The Malkieri also placed himself behind her so she could lean against him.

"You're going to be alright," Lan whispered in Moiraine's ear.

Groaning, she grabbed his arm and pulled it closer against her. She definitely wasn't feeling well, and Lan's presence helped.

"I don't understand. A moment ago, I had no problem saying Rand is-" She held her breath when she felt the First Oath starting to squeeze her throat gently. "- you know what. The First Oath also didn't stop me from saying you're not re-"

This time, Moiraine couldn't stop herself, and the weave squeezed her throat hard until she choked. What was wrong? Why was the First Oath suddenly working against her?

"Maybe the poison influenced the three oaths?" The uncrowned king of Malkier suggested while holding her close. "Or maybe she wanted you to doubt yourself?"

I don't get it. You believe you belong to that other world. The poison should've killed you days ago. No one has ever survived that long. Why aren't you dead?

Forget about that silly nightmare I sent to disturb you. Rand is stubborn and would rather die than hurt his friends. I want to know why you're not dead.

Her last nightmare of Lanfear came to Moiraine's mind. Had Lanfear spoken the truth? Was that other world created by Lanfear's poison? Did the other Lan – her husband – not exist? Had their marriage been a trick to play with Moiraine's mind?

I don't get it. You believe you belong to that other world. The poison should've killed you days ago. No one has ever survived that long. Why aren't you dead?

Nynaeve appeared with a leaf in her hand. "Chew this. It helps against nausea."

Growling, Moiraine took the leaf. She had to try once more. One more try to find out if that world was just a nightmare. Determined, she stared at the young woman from the Two Rivers. "You're de-" Moiraine wanted to scream when the First Oath strangled her. That couldn't be true!

Another wave of nausea hit the Aes Sedai, and she fought hard not to lean over the bed again. There was nothing left in her stomach to fill the bucket.

"Is that what you told yourself?" Nynaeve had her arms crossed before her chest and snorted. "You imagined me dead?"

"Nynaeve," Lan growled in a warning tone, but the young woman ignored him.

"Was it easier for you to imagine me dead? Was your 'life' better without me? No one who dared to stand up to you? No one who spoke against your plans?"

"Nynaeve."

Again, Lan tried to stop Nynaeve's outburst, but Moiraine saw that it was useless. The young woman from the Two Rivers never liked the Cairhien woman. She wasn't there to help because she suddenly cared for Moiraine. No, she was there because Lan had begged her to help. Light! That woman was as annoying as she was in her memories!

"What else did you imagine differently?"

Angrily, Moiraine said, "You have no idea what I've been through, child. I didn't-"

"What about Lan?" Was Nynaeve even listening? Or was she caught in her anger? "If I was dead in your dream world, you had him all to yourself, didn't you?"

Another wave of nausea washed over Moiraine, and she felt as if Nynaeve had slapped her in the face. Lan. So many things had been different in that other world, but Lan had been there for her. He still had been her Warder, but more importantly-

"Or did you imagine a completely different life? You thought Rand was dead, so you weren't searching for the Dragon Reborn anymore. Did you live a happy, quiet life? Was Lan still fulfilling all of your wishes? Was he still your lapdog?"

Anger rolled over Moiraine. How dare that girl talk to her like that? Lan wasn't her lapdog! He never was! "How dare you-"

"Or was he even more? You had no mission in your dream. Did you turn into one of those Aes Sedai who marry their Warders? I bet you pictured a beautiful wedding, wearing-"

"That's enough!"

The Malkieri jumped to his feet, pulling Nynaeve's angry glare on him. "She tried to kill you!"

"Moiraine was confused, and the poison is still moving through her body."

"You do it again! Why do you always find excuses for her?!"

"Help her or leave the necessary herbs so I can do it."

Moiraine felt that Lan was pissed, but she couldn't focus on them. Her eyes moved to her hand. During Nynaeve's accusations, she had clutched the blanket. But that was also not what she was looking for. No, she stared at her empty ring finger.

It took her weeks to get comfortable with wearing a wedding ring. How many times had she played with it when she had been lost in her thoughts? How many times had she repeated the words engraved on the inside of the ring?

Lan. Her husband. Had it truly been her who imagined him to be married to her? Another memory appeared. Moiraine recognized Lanfear, who smiled at her. They were at the infirmary, and a shocked Nynaeve stood behind the daughter of the night.

Enjoy what's coming for you. All those possibilities what your life could've looked like if you had made a different decision. I wonder what would've happened to you if you never found the Dragon Reborn. Would you be at the White Tower? Or somewhere else?

A shiver ran over Moiraine's back. That other world… her marriage with Lan… it hadn't been real. Lanfear had created an alternative reality for the Cairhien woman's spirit, hoping she would accept the new reality while her body would die because of the poison in her veins.

I don't get it. You believe you belong to that other world. The poison should've killed you days ago. No one has ever survived that long. Why aren't you dead?

Lanfear hadn't thought Moiraine would survive that world. She had told Moiraine that Rand was alive, yet the Cairhien woman had refused to believe it. The Aes Sedai closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. She had loved her life in that other world. She had loved being married to Lan. It had been a good life. And now… it was all gone?

Chapter Text

Lan and Nynaeve continued arguing while Moiraine was hit by more memories. It seemed like Lan was right. The poison left her body, and all her memories returned to her one by one.

She remembered how Lan found her at the eye of the world after Ishamael had shielded her. How she had felt empty without her ability to touch Saidar. Lan's attempts to cheer her up, although he had been just as devastated as her about the loss of the bond. Tifan's Well. All those visitors, who had brought her information about what had been going on in the world, and sometimes items like that sailor from Illian, Bayle Domon.

The nausea returned, and Moiraine cursed. She needed fresh air. Her head was killing her! Carefully, she got to her feet and made her way toward the door. Maybe being outside would help her body to deal with all the changes that were going on.

"She tries to run."

Cursing, the woman of the Blue Ajah mended her pace when she heard Nynaeve's annoyed voice. Why was she even paying attention?

Moiraine's finger touched the doorknob when Lan's strong arms moved around her and pulled her back. "Easy, Moiraine. You're in no condition to leave the house."

"I need fresh air," the Aes Sedai responded while trying to get out of her Warder's embrace.

"Let's move to the window. You can get some air from there."

"No."

But her protest was useless. Gently, Lan guided her toward the window. The fresh air felt wonderful on her skin, and Moiraine took a few deep breaths. It didn't help against the nausea, but maybe it needed more time to work.

"Did she chew the leaf?"

Moiraine's hands cramped at Nynaeve's words, and anger rushed through her veins. She really wished the young woman would leave. Maybe Nynaeve could take Lan with her, then Moiraine would have time to think about that strange situation.

"I did not," Moiraine answered before Lan had the chance.

A growl was the Wisdom's answer. "Foolish woman! Why can she never listen?!"

"Thank you for coming, but I'll be alright."

"Oh, I'm not leaving," Nynaeve announced with anger audible in her voice. "You may think you don't need my help, but I don't let Lan suffer because you're too focused on yourself. For weeks, he felt your pain and how weak you turned. He deserves a break."

Weeks? Moiraine had been in that other world for longer than a few weeks. Confused, she looked at Lan. "Weeks?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier nodded. "You were unconscious for weeks. Sometimes, I was barely able to feel you and worried…." He didn't have to continue.

Moiraine saw the sad look in his eyes and the grim line around his lips. Lan must have feared the poison would kill her. The Aes Sedai wished to hug her Warder, but before she could do that, Nynaeve jumped in again.

"He barely ate anything and refused to sleep much because he feared you might die while he wasn't looking or doing something else."

Alarmed, the Cairhien woman took a closer look at the Malkieri's face. His beautiful face looked bony like he hadn't eaten at all in the last few weeks. Dark circles under his eyes indicated that he had indeed not slept much.

"Oh, Lan," Moiraine whispered, cupping his face with one hand.

Smiling, the uncrowned king of Malkier covered her hand with his. "Don't worry. It's nothing serious. Now that you're improving, I will get better, too."

"Nothing serious?!" Nynaeve sounded like she almost choked on her words. "You almost fainted a few times because you refused my help! All you ever asked of me is to help her!"

Lan glared at the Wisdom. "And that's exactly what I'm still asking of you. Help her."

"She is the reason why you got sick!"

Angrily, Moiraine swirled around, which was a stupid idea. The room started to move, and she had to grab Lan's arm for support, but at least her anger stayed. "I never told Lan to stop eating, child. You can be assured that I will talk to him about it later. And I know that you love to make me responsible for everything bad that happens, but I didn't ask to be poisoned."

The young woman from the Two Rivers stepped closer until their noses almost touched. "You should've known it wasn't Lan at the infirmary. I know you unmasked the bond, tying him back to you as soon as you got your powers back. You should've felt you weren't talking to the right man."

"Nynaeve," Lan growled in a warning tone.

"If I remember correctly, you have been in shock after Lanfear appeared. You didn't notice either that he wasn't the real Lan. I wonder what she did before she called me. You two didn't talk by chance?"

Nynaeve's eyes shimmered in rage, and her lips turned into a thin line. But it was how she grabbed her braid and pulled at it that told the Aes Sedai everything she needed to know. Nynaeve was apparently angry with herself for not noticing the difference.

"Moiraine."

The woman of the Blue Ajah heard the annoyance in her Warder's voice but didn't think about stepping down. She wouldn't let Nynaeve win.

A small smile appeared on Moiraine's lips. "So, you did talk. Why didn't you notice, Nynaeve? Why didn't you call out Lanfear for pretending to be Lan?"

"Did you enjoy kissing Lan?"

Moiraine's smile faded at Nynaeve's words. She remembered how the fake Lan had called her. She hadn't noticed he had used her real name and went to him, only to be surprised by him kissing her. "That wasn't Lan. It was-"

"But you didn't know it when she kissed you."

"As you may recall, I stated immediately that the man before me-"

"Did you enjoy it?!" Nynaeve repeated angrily.

Blood and ashes! Nynaeve must've noticed how the Aes Sedai tried to avoid a clear answer. Moiraine wanted to gnash her teeth. She couldn't tell Nynaeve the truth. Light! Back then, she hadn't wanted to admit to herself that she had liked feeling Lan's lips on hers before noticing something felt wrong!

Luckily, Lan chose to step in at that moment. "That's enough."

"And again, you take her side."

"There are no sides, Nynaeve. Moiraine has a fever, and the poison is still in her body. Can you help her or not?"

Moiraine saw how Nynaeve thought about snapping at Lan, then she swirled around and returned to the table where she had placed her herbs. "We still don't know what kind of poison Lanfear gave her. I can't give her random herbs to test if one works. We have to wait until the poison has completely left her body and try to lower her fever. There isn't much else that we can do."

Lan sighed heavily and rubbed his face. Moiraine felt how exhausted he was. "Fine. Then do something about her fever."

"I prepare a tea that will help her to sleep, but you need to rest as well. Your exhaustion isn't helping her."

"I won't drink that tea," Moiraine announced. As if she needed more sleep. She had to find out what had happened to her, bringing all her memories back. Sleeping wouldn't help her.

Of course, her answer didn't go well with Nynaeve's temper. Angrily, the young woman from the Two Rivers grabbed the teapot to put it over the fireplace. "Talk to her before I lose myself," she growled.

Lan placed one arm around Moiraine's waist and one hand on her arm, pulling her gently away from the window. "Come on. Let's sit down."

"I won't drink that tea."

"Your body is weak, Moiraine, and needs rest."

"No tea."

Moiraine's eyes found Lan's dagger on the floor. The ones she had tried to use to hurt Lan and kill herself. A different kind of nausea fell over Moiraine. She couldn't believe she had been that stupid. Lanfear had poisoned her and played with her mind until she had believed the lie. Why hadn't she seen through it?

"Please don't."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai lifted her head, furrowing her forehead when she saw the sadness in her Warder's eyes. "What?"

"This is real. I'm real. If you try to kill yourself, you will do exactly what Lanfear wants."

Moiraine's eyes were drawn toward the small cut on Lan's throat. The cut she had left on him. Automatically, her hand lifted, and she touched his skin with trembling fingers. She had hurt her Warder. Lanfear's poison had corrupted her brain not to believe herself anymore.

Calmly, the uncrowned king of Malkier placed his hand over hers. "It's just a cut. It will heal."

The Cairhien woman's throat felt tight, yet she tried to explain herself. "I-"

"I dealt with worse injuries."

"But you never dealt with one I caused."

"You weren't yourself, Moiraine. Lanfear did that to you, but we will get through this." Smiling, Lan brushed a loose lock behind her ear. "Now that you're finally awake."

Awake. After weeks – at least in that world – she had finally regained consciousness. Her eyes moved to Nynaeve's back. The young woman was still working on a tea that would help her sleep.

"No tea," Moiraine said firmly while sitting on the bed.

"Moiraine-"

"No tea, Lan. I need a clear head to figure out what had happened."

The uncrowned king of Malkier looked like he didn't agree, then released a heavy sigh. "Alright. I… I talk to Nynaeve. She shall prepare the herbs so I can make you tea later." When the Cairhien woman glared at him, he shook his head. "You need to sleep eventually, Moiraine. Your body needs to rest so it can heal. Those herbs simply help you to find sleep easier." Softly, he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back. Stay here."

Moiraine thought about holding him back but then decided against it. Lan wouldn't give up on that subject. He would ensure that she would drink that tea at some point.

"You can't be serious!"

Groaning, the Aes Sedai covered her ears when Nynaeve started to yell. She had expected that reaction, yet her head wished the girl would shut up. Why did she have to be so loud?

Apparently, Lan was trying to calm her, but Moiraine knew how useless that was since her memories were back. Nynaeve wasn't known to be calmed easily – especially when she was angry with Moiraine.

"You know it's a silly decision. You both need sleep." Lan murmured something in response. At least someone tried not to make Moiraine's headache worse. "Then let me give her the tea if you can't do it. I'll gladly shove it down her throat if it shuts her up." Another murmured response followed. "No, I won't apologize. She just woke up and already makes decisions I can't agree with as a Wisdom. And the worst part is that her decisions affect your health because you won't go to sleep until she finally sleeps."

Moiraine had enough. She couldn't stay in that room while Nynaeve was there. She had enough of all those accusations. The Wisdom worked on the fire while Lan tried to reason with her. Both had their backs to Moiraine, and the Aes Sedai didn't wait for another chance.

Slowly, she got to her feet and made her way toward the door as quietly as possible. Shoes weren't an option. She didn't want Nynaeve to notice again before she was out.

But she worried for nothing. Neither Nynaeve nor Lan noticed her escape attempt since they were too busy arguing. Relieved, Moiraine slipped out the door and left the other two behind.

The streets of Falme were crowded with people. Moiraine immediately regretted her decision to leave the house. All the sounds of chatting and yelling people weren't helping with her headache.

And it got worse when the crowd pulled Moiraine in. No matter how hard she fought against the flow, the woman of the Blue Ajah couldn't escape. Her weak body was caught between the people.

After what felt like an eternity, the crowd finally released her. Gasping, Moiraine reached for the next wall and collapsed there. Her feet refused to carry her any longer, and her heart was pounding. Blood and ashes! Lanfear's poison was still working.

Cursing, the Cairhien woman leaned her back against the wall, taking deep breaths. That was not how she had imagined to clear her head.

At that moment, a new wave of memories rushed over her. Her fingers scratched over the cobblestones, and she hissed when the images filled her head. Why did they have to hurt so much?

It felt like her entire life forced itself back into her head. She saw how she and Lan fought against the Trollocs at Bel Tine in the Two Rivers. The Trolloc blade that pierced her skin. There was the tavern she threw at the Trolloc army, and the injured villagers after the battle. The burning poison, running through her veins. Lan, who became more worried with every passing day without seeing another Aes Sedai. Shadar Logoth. Logain Ablar, the false Dragon. Kerene, healing Moiraine's wound. The cave…

The images kept moving, and Moiraine couldn't stop them. She saw their entire journey, which was totally different from the other Moiraine's memories. Their return to Tar Valon. How they went to Fal Dara. The eye of the world. Tifan's well. Cairhien. Falme.

Finally, the memories ended when she reached the moment when Lanfear appeared as Lan at the infirmary. The last image was Lanfear's smiling face before Moiraine was able to open her eyes again.

Coughing, she leaned aside when her stomach turned painfully. She knew there was nothing left to come out, yet she felt like she would vomit any minute. It took her a couple of deep breaths before the nausea subsided.

After that, Moiraine realized she had clutched a piece of paper in her right hand. Surprised, she unfolded it.

Official announcement by the White Tower

Moiraine Damodred Sedai and her Warder a'Lan Mandragoran Gaidin have been identified as Darkfriends. Whoever has information about their current whereabouts will be rewarded with a thousand gold coins and another two thousand for those who deliver them to the White Tower alive.

Siuan Sanche

Watcher of the Seals. The Flame of Tar Valon. The Amyrlin Seat.

Trembling, Moiraine held the paper in her hands. She remembered how Nynaeve had informed Lan and her about the announcement shortly before Lanfear had poisoned the Blue. In the other world, Siuan had announced her a Darkfriend because she had been jealous of Lan. But that? The Malkieri wasn't her husband in that world. That announcement wasn't made because of jealousy. Siuan assumed Moiraine had turned to the dark side because she left Cairhien with Lanfear.

"There you are."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai lifted her head when she recognized her Warder's voice. Lan kneeled before her, looking worried.

"What have you been thinking?" The uncrowned king of Malkier wanted to know. "I told you you're not well enough to leave the house."

"Nynaeve," Moiraine croaked.

Sighing, Lan rubbed over his face. "I know. I try to keep her calm, but…." Another heavy sigh escaped his lips. "It looks like I keep surrounding myself with stubborn women."

The Cairhien woman lifted the announcement so the Malkieri could see it. "I assume she didn't take it back?"

Surprised, Lan furrowed his forehead until he could read the lines. Growling, he grabbed the piece of paper and crumpled it up before he threw it aside. "Forget about it. Right now, we focus on helping you. Everything else comes later." He offered her his hands. "Come on. I bring you back to the house."

But Moiraine shook her head. "I can't."

"I'll throw Nynaeve out if she doesn't behave. I promise. You don't have to deal with her. But you can't stay here. Your body and mind need to rest."

"Lan-"

Before the Aes Sedai had the chance to finish her sentence, her Warder grabbed her under her armpits and pulled her up. Sadly, her legs didn't carry her weight. She would have hit the ground without Lan's quick reaction.

"Easy."

"My legs… I can't…."

Luckily, Lan understood what she tried to tell him. "Put your arms around my neck."

"Lan-"

"Andra, remember?"

Moiraine swallowed. Of course. How could she be so stupid? The Amyrlin Seat had announced them as Darkfriends. Everyone would love to give their location away to receive the promised money.

"Yes. Andra. I… I don't think my legs…."

"Put your arms around my neck," Lan repeated calmly.

Hesitantly, Moiraine obeyed. It felt strange to be so close to the man from the Borderlands. The last time they had been so close, Moiraine had been stuck in that other world, and her husband had kissed her hungrily. Their bodies had longed to be-

Quickly, she hid her face in his tunic. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment, and her body tingled in anticipation. Light! How could her body think about that nonsense?! She had bigger problems, and the biggest one waited for her in their house.

"I've got you."

Gently, the uncrowned king of Malkier picked her up, carrying her in his arms through the crowd. Moiraine snuggled closer against him. She was safe. Nothing could happen to her while she lay in Lan's arms.

Chapter Text

Way too soon, they were back in their house, where a pissed Wisdom waited for their return.

“I already knew you make stupid decisions, but that one?! That’s the stupidest of all!”

Moiraine didn’t even look at the young woman. Rage pulsed in her veins, but she refused to answer Nynaeve. It would only end in another argument, and Moiraine’s head wasn’t well enough to have a proper discussion with her opponent.

“Calm down, Nynaeve. Nothing happened.”

Luckily, Lan didn’t have a problem to talk to Nynaeve. He closed the door with his foot behind them, then carried her to bed. Would he throw out Nynaeve like he promised? Or would he allow her to stay?

“But it could have! It’s not safe out there for you two. The announcement is still active, and everyone wishes to get the money.”

“We know that, Nynaeve.”

“I know you do, but I don’t think she-“

“That’s enough.” Carefully, the Malkieri placed the Cairhien woman on the bed. “She is sick and confused. We don’t know what Lanfear’s poison did to her, so give her time.”

The Wisdom looked like she would explode any second. She grabbed her braid and pulled it angrily. “This is simply-“

“Maybe it’s best if you leave Moiraine to me.” Lan grabbed the blanket and covered Moiraine’s legs. “I will give her the tea so she will rest.”

“You throw me out?!”

Sighing, Lan straightened. “You clearly can’t be in the same room as her, and I’m too tired to keep you two from strangling each other.”

Hissing, Nynaeve stepped before the Warder, glaring at him. “I’m the Wisdom. You asked for my help, and I help her as best as possible, but I didn’t mention I would be nice. Now, step aside and let me work.”

Moiraine was surprised when Lan didn’t move. What would he do if Nynaeve tried to pass him? He would never fight her.

Apparently, the Wisdom wanted to know the same thing because she tried to step around the Malkieri, but he simply moved and blocked her way. It didn’t work well with her.

“Do you want her to feel better? I can’t do anything about the poison, but at least I can try to lower her fever.” This time, Lan threw a glance at Moiraine, and she felt him waver. Immediately, Nynaeve kept pushing. “Or you send me out and let her suffer. It’s up to you.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier growled. “Help her. But if I think you cross a line, I will throw you out. She has a fever and fights against the poison. I won’t let her listen to your accusations or insults.”

Moiraine almost groaned. She had really hoped Lan wouldn’t give in to Nynaeve. But the young woman knew how to push his buttons to get what she wanted.

Lan stepped aside, and Nynaeve sat on the bed. The young woman from the Two Rivers grabbed Moiraine’s head and started to press gently, searching for injuries. “Tell me when it hurts.”

The Aes Sedai grimaced. “How about my whole body is in pain?” Then she pushed Nynaeve’s hands away when her headache suddenly spiked. “And my head is especially not doing well,” she hissed.

Nynaeve only hesitated for a moment, then continued her examination by moving on to Moiraine’s shoulders and arms. “You need to drink more and rest, then the headache will fade. Running around won’t help against the pain.”

Angrily, the Cairhien woman glared at the Malkieri, who told her with his eyes to stay calm. She wanted Nynaeve to leave. The Wisdom didn’t care about her!

Once she was done with her examination, Nynaeve lifted three fingers in the air. “How many fingers do you see?”

Again, Moiraine glared at Lan. Her head was killing her. Why did she have to endure such stupid questions?

“Don’t look at Lan. He can’t help you right now. How many fingers do you see?”

Sighing, Moiraine returned her eyes to Nynaeve’s fingers, then smiled sweetly. “Five.”

Nynaeve’s eyes widened, and she stared at her fingers in disbelief. “Five?”

“Moiraine,” Lan growled in a warning tone. Obviously, he had seen through Moiraine’s answer.

But the woman of the Blue Ajah shrugged her shoulder. “What? She asked me how many fingers I see. I see five. If she wants to know how many fingers she holds up, then the answer is three.”

Nynaeve’s face turned red when she also realized what Moiraine had done. “I really don’t understand how you can stand her, Lan,” she said through gritted teeth. Then she grabbed Moiraine’s wrist and searched for her pulse. “Is there anything else I should know about? - Except for your headache and your body being in pain?”

Something else? Moiraine almost laughed. Her mind was still processing that it had been tricked by the daughter of the night while her heart longed for her husb- Carefully, Moiraine shook her head since she didn’t trust her voice and feared the First Oath would stop her.

“Fine.” The Wisdom got to her feet. “I have to go to the infirmary now, but I’ll return in the evening.” She faced Lan. “Ensure she drinks that tea. Her body won’t be able to heal without rest.”

“I will.”

“Don’t let her blind you. She isn’t doing good, and you also need to sleep. Drink some of the tea, too. I want to hear from you that you slept while I was gone.”

“I hear you. Thank you for checking on her.”

Nynaeve snorted. “I don’t do it for her.” Then she grabbed her pouch and left the house without looking at Moiraine again.

It was a relief when the door finally closed behind the young woman from the Two Rivers. Immediately, Moiraine pushed back the blanket. She had to figure out what had happened during her absence and how to continue. She had spent months in that other world, while Lan and Nynaeve mentioned only weeks had passed since Lanfear poisoned her. What had she missed? What-

“Not a chance.” Moiraine had barely swung a leg out of bed when Lan appeared, pushing her legs back and pulling the blanket over her again. “No more running. You collapsed out there. I won’t let you kill yourself.”

The Cairhien woman didn’t try to fight the Malkieri. She was too weak to free herself. Instead, she tried a different approach. “Where is Rand?”

“Still safely hidden. Nynaeve and the other kids don’t give up his location.”

“Then how do you know he is still safely hidden? What if he got attacked while you were here with me?” Panic rose in Moiraine’s chest. She couldn’t lose the Dragon Reborn! “I need to speak to him.”

“Not now.”

“Yes. Now! Get out of the way!” Calmly, Lan waited, not moving one inch. He wouldn’t let her pass. Moiraine growled. “I mean it, Lan. Get out of the way.”

There was still no answer, but the Malkieri’s body language did all the talking. He wouldn’t move out of the way, no matter what she did or said.

Angrily, Moiraine searched for a way out of that situation. There had to be a way to distract Lan. The man couldn’t stay there forever. Light! Why hadn’t she thought about finding Rand when she had left the house? Lan had been distracted by Nynaeve.

Because your body wasn’t strong enough, she thought bitterly. You barely survived a few minutes within the crowd. How do you imagine walking through the streets, not knowing where the boy is?

“Moiraine.” Lan’s voice was quiet. He cupped her cheek, pulling her face back to him. “Please. You just woke up. Give yourself time to recover.”

“Rand-“

“Nynaeve and Egwene would tell us if they were worried about him. I know they pay him a visit regularly.”

Nynaeve. Moiraine wasn’t so sure Lan’s lover would inform her about anything regarding the Two River kids.

Egwene… maybe she could ask Egwene where Rand was hiding. They needed to get out of the city. If Siuan’s announcement was still active, and Moiraine had been unconscious for weeks… How many Aes Sedai were already riding toward Falme? How many Red Sisters were among them, ready to gentle the Dragon Reborn?

“Peace, Moiraine.”

Peace, my love. A memory appeared before her eyes. Lan – her husband – who smiled at her with love.

“Enough with the heavy thinking.” Lan’s hands grabbed her head, then his thumbs started to rub circles against her temples.

The Cairhien woman winced when the pain of her headache increased, and a whimper escaped her lips before she tried to pull the Malkieri’s hands away. However, Lan continued with his movements, and surprisingly, the pain faded.

After a moment, Moiraine’s eyes closed, and she stopped thinking about Nynaeve, and Rand, and Lanfear, and the Aes Sedai. All that mattered was the wonderful feeling of her headache getting better. She had no idea how Lan did it but was thankful for it.

“There you go.” Slowly, Lan lowered Moiraine’s head until it hit the pillow.

Immediately, the Cairhien woman opened her eyes, trying to push the Malkieri off her. “No,” she whispered tiredly. “I can’t sleep.”

“You have to. Your body is exhausted.” Gently, the uncrowned king of Malkier held her hands down and pulled the blanket over her until she couldn’t move anymore. Then, he got up and went for the prepared tea. “You can’t do anything in your condition right now, Moiraine. Your feet refuse to carry you, and it’s hard to think with a headache. Rest now, and afterward, we’ll see how you’re doing.”

Tiredly, Moiraine watched Lan how he got her a cup of tea. She knew he was right. Her body wasn’t doing well and needed rest. But how could she sleep with everything that had happened? Her mind was still not over what she had experienced in Lanfear’s nightmare, and her body… her body longed for Lan’s touch.

Ashamed, the Aes Sedai closed her eyes and pulled her knees to her chest. Lan wasn’t her husband. He was her Warder and in love with Nynaeve. How long would it take for her body to understand that it had been lied to? All those feelings, all those touches… none of it had been real. She and Lan had never bedded each other. They had never kissed. They had shared a bed countless times during their travels but never became intimate.

Moiraine’s heart ached, and she realized her body wasn’t the only part that got betrayed. Lanfear’s nightmare was a terrible punishment for trying to kill the daughter of the night. She hadn’t just fooled Moiraine’s mind and body but also her heart. The Cairhien woman missed her husband! She missed their life in Fal Dara. She missed-

“Moiraine?” The uncrowned king of Malkier was back, pressing his hand on her small back. “What is it? Shall I call Nynaeve to return?”

Dear light! Was he serious?! Moiraine was glad the young woman had finally left them. She didn’t want Nynaeve to return.

The smell of herbs filled Moiraine’s nose, and she opened her eyes. Lan had a cup in his hands. Suddenly, the thought of sleeping wasn’t so bad anymore. She could think about her fake husband in her dreams. No one could judge her for her dreams, right?

“Are you in pain? Do you need me to get you-“

Moiraine lifted her upper body, grabbed the cup, and emptied it all at once. Lan looked at her in surprise – his mouth open because she had cut him off mid-sentence – when she returned the cup. Obviously, he hadn’t expected that.

“I drank it.”

There was still no word from Lan. Carefully, Moiraine lay down again and turned her back on Lan, though her body protested against the movement. Maybe it would help her not to look at him. She had to get those images out of her head! Lan wasn’t her husband! She had to stop thinking about him!

The Malkieri stood up, but the Cairhien woman didn’t turn around. It didn’t matter where he went. Maybe he would also go to sleep. Would he drink a cup of tea himself? Would he wait until Moiraine fell asleep? What was he doing while he waited? Was he watching her? Wondering what she was planning next?

Cursing inwardly, Moiraine realized she couldn’t stop thinking about Lan, though she told herself she shouldn’t care. Why couldn’t she hear him? Should she turn around? Maybe something happened to him? Nynaeve had mentioned Lan hadn’t eaten much and barely slept. Did he collapse by the fire? But she would have felt it if he had hurt himself.

“Moiraine.”

The gentle touch of Lan’s hand on her shoulder made her turn. When did he move? She hadn’t heard him. Had he been standing behind her the entire time? Was it possible he hadn’t left at all?

“What can I do?”

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. She didn’t know what Lan was talking about. Was he asking about her plans? Did he want to know what their next step was? But he wanted her to sleep. Surely, it couldn’t be that. But what else could he mean?

Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier sat on the bed. “Your thoughts are running, and your feelings… they’re a total mess. It has never been so hard to understand what you need from me. How can I help? Is there anything I can do to calm your thoughts?”

Her feelings. Finally, the woman of the Blue Ajah understood what he was talking about. Her Warder couldn’t read her. It was like her brain, body, and heart were all speaking a different language at the same time, and Lan couldn’t decipher what she needed of him.

“It’s a lot to process,” Moiraine finally said. She couldn’t tell him about Lanfear’s nightmare. She couldn’t tell him that he had been her husband – that they had been married. What would he think of her?

Lan opened his mouth, then closed it again. Surprised, Moiraine watched him doing that a few times. The man always considered his words, but she didn’t remember ever seeing him speechless. Worried, she touched his hand. She didn’t like seeing him like that. “What is it?”

A heavy sigh escaped his lips while he softly took her hand. Finally, he licked his lips and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. His eyes stayed on their connected hands. “Would you mind… would it be alright…?” Another heavy sigh escaped him. Blood and ashes! What did he want to ask her?! “I know everything feels weird right now, and… you need to process a lot, but… would it be alright if I hold you? – While you sleep?”

Relief washed over Moiraine, and she almost laughed. Lan was worried she wouldn’t like him holding her? When had she ever denied him that?

“I’d like that very much.”

The smile on Lan’s face warmed Moiraine’s heart. That man had spent weeks beside her bed, fearing for her life, and in return, Moiraine almost killed him when she awoke.

The uncrowned king of Malkier stood, then got rid of his shoes and weapons. Moiraine’s body protested when she moved to make some room for Lan in bed. It wasn’t a big bed, and she missed the bed she and her husband had owned in Fal Dara. There had never been a problem for two people to sleep in it.

Blood and ashes! Will you stop calling Lan your husband?! You’re not married! Lanfear created that world for you to play with your mind!

Moiraine wanted to slap herself. What was wrong with her? Why was it so hard for her to shake that nightmare?

Lan didn’t protest that there was not much space for both of them. Instead, her Warder spooned her from behind, pressing his warm, muscular body against her small one. He didn’t even move under the blanket with her.

“Can I wrap my arm around you?”

“I won’t break when you touch me, Lan.”

“I know.” Hesitantly, the Malkieri placed his arm over her waist, then buried his nose in her dark locks. “It’s just… your feelings are a mess, and I don’t want to cross a line. I want you to get better and not to be scared of me.”

Moiraine’s eyes started to burn. How did she deserve such a man in her life? “I’m not scared of you,” she responded quietly. “It’s… Lanfear… and what she did to me. I need to process it all, but my head is killing me momentarily.”

Lan pulled her closer, sending her his love through the bond. “Give yourself some time. You can’t beat the fever, the headache, and your weak body all at once while thinking about Lanfear’s motive. Let’s sleep first before we try to solve the riddle.”

The woman of the Blue Ajah nodded. Slowly, Nynaeve’s tea started to work now that Lan was with her. Moiraine’s body began to calm down and gave in to sleep because of his presence. Yet, something felt strange, and it took her a moment before she finally noticed what it was.

“Would you please move under the blanket?”

“You’re not feeling well, Moiraine. You need-“

“Do I really have to beg?”

Silence filled the room, and Moiraine assumed Lan had chosen to ignore her request. But when she tried to free herself from his embrace to rearrange the blanket, the uncrowned king of Malkier sighed.

“Alright. I will move under the blanket. Will you please sleep then?”

“Yes.”

Lan growled but stayed true to his word. He lifted Moiraine’s blanket and crawled under it. Contently, the Aes Sedai snuggled closer against her Warder. When he spooned her again and had his arm around her once more, she finally gave up the fight against sleep.

Hopefully, she would still be in Falme when she awoke.

Chapter Text

Lanfear's POV

Lanfear wanted to scream when she found out about Moiraine's survival. Apparently, the poison hadn't killed her but sent her spirit back to her original body. What was it with that woman?! Why wasn't she dying?! What else did she have to do?! No one had that much luck. She had been poisoned – not once but TWICE! – and nearly drowned. Yet, she kept surviving.

When the daughter of the night heard the news, she lost her temper. The messenger – a young man who lived on the streets – had to endure her rage. She tortured him for hours with the True Power until she had regained her calm. By then, Lanfear tried to think about it as another opportunity. Who else got so many opportunities to kill its enemy?

New ideas came to life, but it was the corpse of the messenger who brought the final idea. All she needed was a moment alone with the Aes Sedai. She could shield them from everyone else's eyes with the True Power so no one would hear her screams. Not even her bloody Warder would be able to help her.

And then a Whitecloak appeared. He was a Darkfriend and reported constantly about the Whitecloaks' doings. When he told Lanfear about the Children of the Light closing in on Rand's position, she had to change her killing plan. Apparently, she had found a purpose for Moiraine. The Wisdom wouldn't listen to a stranger – the child was stubborn and headstrong. But maybe the Cairhien woman could convince her to let the Whitecloaks back into the infirmary to distract them. The Aes Sedai was ruthless and would surely not mind a few deaths if it saved Rand.

Frustrated, Lanfear rubbed her temples. She couldn't believe Moiraine would survive another meeting with her, and this time, it would be her own doing not to kill the woman. Why was that woman so lucky?

Moiraine's POV

Moiraine floated over Fal Dara. Her body was translucent, but she wore the dress she had worn in Falme. Why was she in Fal Dara? She knew it was a dream since she was floating in the air, but why did she dream about it? What was she supposed to see? The streets were surprisingly empty, though the sun stood high. A group walked through the empty streets, accompanying a dead body toward the gate. Someone had created a pyre outside of Fal Dara, which was obviously meant to burn the dead…

The Cairhien woman's eyes widened when she took a closer look at the dead body. Immediately, her spirit reacted and lowered itself toward the group. That couldn't be true!

Four men pulled the wagon with the dead person on it while the rest of the group followed the wagon in silence. Beautiful flowers had been arranged, and someone had picked beautiful clothes for the dead one's last journey, worthy of a queen.

But it was the face that left Moiraine trembling. It was her face! She was the dead person!

Shocked, she turned around and looked at the rest of the group. There were Lan, Egwene, and Alanna. Maksim and Ihvon walked behind them with some of the servants from Moiraine and Lan's household. She recognized Vera, who had always helped her with-

"No! That's not real!" Moiraine said. "This is Lanfear's nightmare, but not real!"

Of course, no one heard her. This time, she was a simple watcher – not someone who could interact with the people. Growling, she looked at the sky. She wanted to be up there. Lanfear probably had a reason for sending her that nightmare, but Moiraine wouldn't fall for it. How could she leave that place?

Her body… No. The other Moiraine's body was placed on the pyre, and a man stepped forward. Apparently, he would give a speech about Moiraine's life.

"No! I won't listen to that! I don't belong here!"

Since flying away wasn't an option, the Cairhien woman tried to run. But it was like her spirit was tied to that other body or something else. No matter how hard she tried, her spirit stayed. Moiraine screamed at the sky. That couldn't be true!

"Let me go, Lanfear! Why do you keep me here?!"

A movement caught her eye, and Moiraine lowered her head. Lan had a burning torch in his hands. Who gave him that? And what was he planning to do-

Shocked, Moiraine's eyes moved toward the pyre with the other Moiraine's body on it. Blood and ashes! Surely, the Malkieri wouldn't set it on fire, right? But the grieving husband had already stepped closer to the pyre.

Quickly, the Aes Sedai stepped beside him without noticing that she could move again, trying to grab him, but her hands moved through him. A spirit couldn't touch the living. So, she tried to talk to him.

"Lan. Please, stop. I don't know what Lanfear did. Give me some time to find out- "

But, of course, it didn't work. Cursing, Moiraine watched how Lan murmured something with closed eyes, then he pushed the torch into the pyre. Immediately, the fire started to spread over the dry wood.

Panic rose in Moiraine's chest. What if that was Lanfear's idea of killing Moiraine? – Connecting her spirit to a dead body and killing her once and for all when the fire would consume the body?

"Forgive me, my love."

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah turned toward the uncrowned king of Malkier. Was he talking to his dead wife? Moiraine took a closer look at the man she had called husband in that world. He looked sick. He was pale, and dark circles shimmered under his eyes.

How much time had passed since Moiraine died in that world? Could he sleep at night? Did someone ensure he was eating? Was someone looking after him? Although her marriage with that man had been a lie, Moiraine wanted to hug him. He looked so lost, and the grief seemed to consume him.

"I failed you." Tears built in Moiraine's eyes. He hadn't failed her! He could never fail her! "I couldn't protect you from that woman, though I promised to keep you safe." Moiraine wished Lan could hear her, or she could at least touch him. Her hand reached toward his beautiful face, but she could do nothing to ease his pain. "But I will not allow the wheel to separate us. There's no me without you by my side."

Confused, the Aes Sedai furrowed her forehead. What was the man talking about? He couldn't bring back someone from the dead. His Moiraine was gone, and-

"No!" Moiraine screamed when Lan moved forward, throwing himself onto the burning pyre. Why couldn't she grab him?! Helplessly, she had to watch how his clothes started to burn. "No!" Why was no one-?!

Suddenly, Ihvon and Maksim appeared, pulling Lan away from the pyre and starting to suffocate the flames. Alanna rushed to their side, already preparing the healing weave like Egwene did.

But Lan fought against the two Warders. He didn't want to be saved. "Let go of me! I need to be with my wife!"

"Hold him still!" Alanna hissed as if her Warders weren't already trying their best.

"Help him!" Moiraine encouraged the Green Sister, though she knew Alanna couldn't hear her. But she didn't know what else to do. She felt so damn helpless!

"Moiraine?"

Surprised, the Aes Sedai faced the Malkieri. Lan's eyes were locked on her as if he could see her. But that was impossible.

"My love." Lan reached out a hand toward her. "Take me with you, my love. Don't leave me here."

Blood and ashes! The man could really see her! What was Lanfear doing?! "Lan," she whispered. How could she explain to him that she wasn't real? He never believed her that she didn't belong in his world.

Alanna pressed her hands on Lan's head and began to heal his injuries, but the uncrowned king of Malkier continued fighting. "No! I don't want to be healed! Let me be with her!"

"She is dead, Lan," the Green Sister explained as calmly as possible. "Moiraine is dead. And she wouldn't want you to kill yourself."

"No." Lan's eyes returned to Moiraine. "My love, please. Take me with you."

The woman of the Blue Ajah noticed how the world started to blur. One look at her hands showed her that her translucent body began to dissolve. Apparently, her time was up.

"Moiraine!"

Lan's cry cut through Moiraine's heart. That man had been her husband for months. They had a beautiful time together, and she loved him with all her heart. Lanfear had brought them together, and now, they had to go separate ways because of her. During the attack, Moiraine hadn't been able to say goodbye to her husband since Lanfear's poison had worked quickly. But now… the least she could do was give Lan peace.

This time, her spirit didn't fight against the movement. Smiling sadly, she kneeled beside Lan. She couldn't undo what Lanfear had done to his wife. Maybe she would still be alive if Lanfear hadn't brought Moiraine's spirit to that world. But it wasn't Lan's time to die.

"Please," he begged in a croaked voice while his burns started to heal. "Don't leave me."

"You must live, dearest," Moiraine said, hoping he could still hear her.

A tear escaped Lan's eyes. "Not without you."

Moiraine leaned over him and kissed him one last time. Then she whispered, "Your time hasn't come yet. Live, knowing I will always love you."

Lan closed his eyes, but it didn't help against the upcoming tears. Smiling lovingly at the man, the spirit of the Cairhien woman dissolved, turning everything into darkness.

"You can't be serious!"

Gasping, Moiraine was awake in an instant. She was back in the little house in Falme. Lan had his arms around her, holding her close to his chest.

But the Aes Sedai could still feel the warmth of the pyre's fire. She had been able to feel it, even as a spirit. And Lan… tears built in her eyes when she remembered how the grieving Malkieri had tried to kill himself.

"She is barely back and already uses the opportunity to lure you into her bed!"

"Nynaeve?" Lan sounded tired yet tried to address the upset Wisdom. "What are you doing here?"

"What I'm doing here?! I came here to check on her, only to find you two cuddling in bed!"

Groaning, the uncrowned king of Malkier pushed himself into an upright position. The Cairhien woman felt through the bond how exhausted he was but couldn't focus on him. She simply couldn't forget the image of the burning Lan. So, she curled further into a ball, hiding her face in the pillow. Nynaeve shouldn't see her cry.

"We fell asleep," Lan defended their situation.

"In the same bed?!"

"Why are you even back already? Didn't you want to return in the evening?"

Nynaeve snorted. "Do you have any idea how long you slept?" Then she sighed. "Well, I guess it's a good thing that you finally slept. Your body was exhausted." Footsteps sounded through the air. "I'll prepare some tea, then I'll check on you two."

Moiraine wanted to scream. Light! She didn't want Nynaeve near her! She still had to process what had happened to her and couldn't do that with that annoying child watching her.

"Moiraine?"

Lan's soft and quiet voice rolled over the Cairhien woman, and she shivered. Fire. Lan, saying he had failed her. His attempt to kill himself to be with her again.

"Moiraine." Lan's hands were gentle when he rubbed her back with one hand while the other grabbed her arm. "What's wrong?"

But the Aes Sedai simply shook her head. She couldn't speak. She couldn't look at him. Her Lan wasn't that man who had tried to kill himself, but that was all she could see right now.

Lan's warm breath moved over her hair, then he pressed a kiss on her head. "I'm here."

As if she didn't know that. But she couldn't tell him about the other world. She couldn't tell him they had been married. The man was in love with the Wisdom, not her.

"What is with her?" Of course, Nynaeve chose that moment to return to the bed.

"She is tired. Her body works continuously to get better."

"Sit on the chair over there while I check on her."

A growl escaped Lan's throat. Moiraine couldn't imagine him giving the girl a friendly look. "I'll be fine staying right here, thank you very much. Besides, you can start by checking on me while Moiraine works on waking up."

"I'm the Wisdom," Nynaeve responded, growling. "I tell you who I'm treating first, and I'll start with her."

"She isn't doing well."

"She was well enough to cuddle with you!"

"We were sleeping, Nynaeve."

"You have two beds here. Why can't you sleep in your bed?"

Moiraine felt Lan's anger rising. The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't like to explain himself. Light! If they continued like that, Nynaeve would never leave! The Aes Sedai pressed her face deeper into the pillow to dry her face, then pushed her aching body into a sitting position.

It wasn't easy. Her arms were trembling – barely carrying her weight – and her headache returned when she lifted her head.

"Moiraine." Suddenly, Lan's hands were there, helping her to sit beside him. "Easy."

"Let her check on me. I'm not in the mood for a fight."

The Malkieri was obviously not happy about her decision but didn't argue. Instead, he helped the Cairhien woman to sit properly so the young woman from the Two Rivers could check on her.

Luckily, Nynaeve didn't waste more time and went into action. She checked on Moiraine's temperature, which was better now, felt for her pulse, and checked her eyes. Then she leaned back. "Your eyes are a little red. Did you cry?"

"I just woke up, Nynaeve. Have you ever met someone who looked like themselves after waking up?"

Nynaeve bit her lower lip. Obviously, she wasn't convinced by Moiraine's answer and continued to observe the Blue warily. "This doesn't look-"

"Are we done?"

The Wisdom grimaced, then tilted her head. "What is your name?"

A heavy sigh escaped Moiraine's lips. Did they really have to go through that? "This is ridiculous. I know-"

"What is your name?"

"Nynaeve, I do-"

"Congratulation. Now, we know you remember my name. But I want you to tell me your name."

Moiraine wished she could strangle that girl. Why did she have to be so bloody annoying?! "Moiraine," she growled.

Nynaeve nodded. "Where are we?"

"In Falme. Can we now-"

"Who is Lia?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah froze. Images filled her head. Lia, lying in a small bed and drinking tea with Moiraine. Lia, being Lady Diyana's maid. Lia, taking her last breath while explaining to Moiraine that the Whitecloaks had killed her. Lia, helping a drunk Moiraine so she won't faint.

"Moiraine. Who is Lia?" Nynaeve repeated, more demanding.

Moiraine's headache became worse. Why were the memories mingling? She knew Lady Diyana and the ball had been Lanfear's doing. Why was she thinking about them?

"That's enough." Lan jumped in, saving Moiraine not to answer the question.

Sadly, Nynaeve didn't agree with him. "She can't answer the question, Lan. That's not a good sign."

"She is still processing what had happened to her. Give her time."

"Time? We can't risk letting her walk around like that if she remembers things differently. She tried to kill you, for light's sake."

"That was before she knew I was real. It won't happen again."

Silence filled the house while Lan and Nynaeve stared at each other. Light. Moiraine thought about rolling her eyes. She had assumed Nynaeve would only be stubborn around her. But apparently, the girl didn't care who she angered.

"Lia was a woman from Tear who died because the Whitecloaks killed her." Maybe the young woman would stop being so damn annoying if she got an answer from Moiraine. "Which reminds me about something else. Why were you accompanied by two Whitecloaks this morning?"

Nynaeve raised a surprised eyebrow at Lan. "You didn't tell her?"

"There was no time. I worked on helping her to sleep."

"Then I will leave the task to you to explain it to her." Stubborn as ever. How could Lan endure her attitude? It couldn't just be Nynaeve's beauty that drew him to her.

Tiredly, Moiraine rubbed her temples while waiting for the Wisdom to be done checking on Lan. She wasn't in the mood to argue with the girl. Lan would give her the answer about the Whitecloaks. Until then, she would wait and pray for Nynaeve to leave them alone soon.

"I guess it takes a few more nights of good sleep, and then you should be back on your feet." The young woman from the Two Rivers straightened, then nodded at Moiraine. "She will take more time to recover. The fever is getting better, but I think remnants of the poison are still running through her veins. She needs a lot of rest."

Lan nodded. "I'll ensure she will rest."

Suddenly, Nynaeve glared at the Malkieri. "And sleep in your own bloody bed. Those beds aren't made to share."

"I hear you," Lan responded.

"I mean it, Lan. Sleep in-"

"Anything else? We're exhausted and need sleep."

Surprised, Moiraine raised her eyebrows. She hadn't expected Lan would cut off Nynaeve. Usually, he allowed her to speak her mind.

And Nynaeve wasn't amused about the interruption. She bit her lower lip while glaring at the man before her, then said, "Drink the tea when it's done. You both should drink a lot."

Again, the Warder nodded. "We will do that."

Silence filled the room while Lan and Nynaeve stared at each other. Was the young girl waiting for Lan to say something else? Was she expecting anything? – Something she didn't dare to bring up before Moiraine? Or was she waiting for Lan to move to his own bed?

A knock at the door interrupted the silence. "Nynaeve?" It was Egwene, though she didn't enter. "The Whitecloaks passed this house a third time now. We have to leave if we don't want them to have a closer look."

Cursing, the Wisdom rushed to her bag. "I'll be there in a moment." Quickly, she threw her herbs back into it, then pulled it over her head. "Remember. Drink the tea and sleep. I'll return in the morning." She opened the door, then turned to Lan once more and glared at him. "And sleep in your own bed." Then she left and closed the door behind herself.

Lan sighed heavily and rubbed his face. "Blood and ashes. She knows how to be persistent."

"Maybe you should sleep in your own bed," Moiraine said quietly. "The beds are really not big, and you need a good night of sleep to recov-"

"Holding you in my arms helps me to sleep," Lan interrupted her harshly.

"Nynaeve-"

"Forget her and her words. I decide what's best for me – not her."

The Aes Sedai arranged the blanket around her shoulders. She was freezing, though a fire was burning in the fireplace, and she was certain the temperature outside was still warm. Stupid fever!

"Why were the Whitecloaks accompanying Nynaeve this morning?"

Sighing, the Malkieri rubbed his face. "Do you remember what Nynaeve told them to make them leave?"

Moiraine shook her head. Back then, she had been so shocked by Nynaeve's appearance that she hadn't paid any attention to the Wisdom's words.

"When Lanfear poisoned you, it didn't go unnoticed by the Whitecloaks. They saw her disappearing into thin air and assumed we all were hiding something. The only reason why they didn't bring you to their camp for questioning was because they saw you shaking and felt the fever. It convinced them that you weren't an Aes Sedai." Moiraine sighed in relief. Now, she was thankful for the fever. "Yet, they still had suspicions about Nynaeve. They thought she was lying but couldn't do anything without proof since the sick people of Falme depended on her. So, their commander – a young man named Dain Bornhold – ordered them to watch Nynaeve. Whenever she came here to check on you during the last two weeks, two Whitecloaks had to accompany her, watching her every step and ensuring she didn't use the One Power to heal you."

Finally, Moiraine understood. "That's why I needed weeks to wake up. No one could heal me, or the Whitecloaks would've killed the kids."

Lan nodded. "I wished we could've helped you in your fight against the poison, but Nynaeve's herbs were the only way to help you somehow." He grabbed her hand and pulled it toward his lips to kiss it. "It pained me to see you suffering like that. I tried to send you as much strength as possible through the bond, but…" He pressed her hand against his forehead and grimaced. "I was certain I would lose you if you didn't wake up soon. Nynaeve didn't know how to treat the poison, and your fever refused to go down."

For a moment, the Aes Sedai wanted to lean in on her Warder to kiss him. She wanted to feel his lips on hers and his strong arms holding her gently. But she pulled herself together in the last second. This wasn't the other Lan! He was just her Warder – not her husband. Lan loved Nynaeve – not her. They were never romantically involved. Light! She couldn't do that to him!

"What is it?" Lan wanted to know when he felt how she tried to pull back her hand.

"I…" What was she supposed to say? "I'm tired."

The uncrowned king of Malkier looked like he wanted to press her further to get the truth, then nodded. "Do you really want me to sleep in my bed?"

"I don't want to anger Nynaeve any further. She was-"

"Do you want me to sleep in my bed?" Lan repeated while rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

Moiraine swallowed. Of course, she didn't want him to leave, but it was the right decision, wasn't it? He should share the bed with his lover, not his Aes Sedai.

"Nynaeve wouldn't-"

"I will ask you one last time, and I don't want your answer to include Nynaeve's name." Lan wasn't amused by her answers. "Do you want me to sleep in my bed?"

"No," Moiraine whispered. She didn't want him to go anywhere.

"Good."

Relief flooded the bond, and the Cairhien woman realized the Malkieri had feared she would push him away. She wasn't the only one who needed the close contact.

Lan crawled back to Moiraine and moved under the blanket before he wrapped her in his arms. Moiraine giggled when the man pulled her into a lying position. "What are you doing?"

"Holding you close."

"What about the tea? We are supposed to drink more before sleep."

"The tea is not done yet. I will get you a cup when it's time. Until then, I just want to hold you in my arms, hearing you breathe and feeling your heart beat."

Should she stop him? If Nynaeve returned… but it felt so good to lie in his arms. Sighing, Moiraine snuggled deeper into Lan's embrace. Should the Wisdom yell at her if she indeed returned. Moiraine wouldn't stop enjoying the warmth and safety Lan provided. Especially not when Lan wished to be close to her, too.

Chapter Text

It was impressive what sleep and tea could do to someone's health. In the morning, Moiraine felt stronger. The fever was gone, and she was able to walk properly again. But when she tried to leave the house, Nynaeve and Lan lost their temper and nearly beheaded her. The young woman from the Two Rivers even announced she would tie Moiraine to the bed if she didn't stop doing what she thought was right.

Apparently, a broken fever didn't mean she was free to walk around as she pleased. Nynaeve wanted Moiraine to stay in bed for another day, getting more sleep while drinking and eating a lot to regain her strength. According to the Wisdom, taking it slowly after being unconscious for such a long time was necessary.

Not even Lan was allowed to leave the house. He also looked better, yet not good. Nynaeve had brought breakfast on her way over and shared it with the Cairhien woman and the Malkieri.

Moiraine nibbled at her slice of bread while listening to Nynaeve's report about the infirmary. A few more older people had died, though they had made good progress at getting better. So, Nynaeve had banned all Whitecloaks from helping at the infirmary, convincing them it was more important to find the man who called himself the Dragon Reborn than to treat sick people. Apparently, Nynaeve hadn't forgotten Moiraine's warning about the Whitecloaks killing others. And finally, the mysterious dying of the elderly had stopped.

A part of the Aes Sedai was glad the young girl had done something to protect her patients. Yet, it was a shame that more people had to pay the price before she had acted.

At some point, two Whitecloaks stormed into the house, having Lan on his feet and Nynaeve's hand on her dagger. They had been following Nynaeve again and got suspicious when she didn't come out.

The entire city must've heard the Wisdom's answer. Moiraine's ears had been ringing, and the Whitecloaks had left in such a hurry that Moiraine wondered if those two would ask their commander not to send them after Nynaeve ever again.

Lan and Nynaeve informed the woman of the Blue Ajah about everything she had missed during her two-week nap, but it wasn't much.

Siuan's announcement was still active, and the young woman from the Two Rivers still thought it was best that Moiraine and Lan stayed hidden in the house until they found a way out of the city.

The Cairhien woman disagreed. They had already lost two weeks because of Lanfear's trap. Lan needed to be on the streets to find a secure way. Otherwise, they would be stuck in Falme forever until the Aes Sedai appeared.

Luckily, the uncrowned king of Malkier agreed with her this time – something Nynaeve didn't like, but she couldn't change their minds.

In the end, Lan agreed that he and Moiraine would stay one more day in the house to rest, but after that, he would return outside. They couldn't stay in Falme.

It was hard for Moiraine to stay in the house. Most of the time, she tried to rest her eyes, but sleep refused to come to her. She thought about Rand and her mission. Nynaeve hadn't said much more than that the Dragon Reborn was as bored as Moiraine was to stay inside. But it didn't take long until Moiraine's thoughts moved on to Siuan and her announcement before they ended with Lan and that other world.

Lan felt her restlessness and tried to help her by offering to listen, but Moiraine wasn't ready to talk. How could Lan understand what had happened in that other world? The other Lan had never believed her when she told him she didn't belong to that world. What would her Warder say if she told him about their 'marriage'? She couldn't risk losing him because of Lanfear's cruelty.

Talking didn't help, but Lan's presence did. Although Nynaeve had mentioned again they should use separate beds, the Malkieri still crawled into bed with Moiraine. The Aes Sedai was impressed by her Warder's fearlessness. He didn't mind angering the Wisdom. Maybe she should've insisted on sleeping separately, but her body longed for Lan's presence, so her mouth didn't say a word.

The next morning came, and Moiraine was finally allowed to leave the house. Lan dropped her off at the infirmary, so Nynaeve could watch over her during the day while the Malkieri stayed true to his word and searched for a way out of the city.

At first, the Cairhien woman was pissed when the Wisdom only gave her simple tasks. Sadly, she soon realized that even those simple tasks left her breathless. Apparently, her body hadn't regained as much strength as she had assumed she had. Moiraine had to take several breaks, which didn't go unnoticed by Nynaeve. Light. Surely, she would inform Lan that his Aes Sedai wasn't ready to leave the house.

It was a terribly long day, and Moiraine wished it would end soon. Her head felt so heavy, and it was hard to keep her eyes open. She definitely needed more sleep.

"Moiraine?" Lan appeared before her with worry in his eyes. Gently, he brushed a loose lock behind her ear. "What's wrong?"

Moiraine opened her mouth to tell him she was doing fine, but Nynaeve was faster.

"She acts like that all day long. She never should have left the house. Her body is still feeling the aftermaths of the poison."

"I'll get you back to the house."

"No." The Aes Sedai stopped her Warder when he tried to pick her up. Did she have no say in that? "I don't want to return yet."

"You're pale like a ghost. You should be in bed, resting."

Again, the man from the Borderlands tried to pick her up, but the Cairhien woman blocked him a second time. "And I will go to bed. But I will walk back to the house on my own two feet. So, just give me a moment to recover, and I will leave."

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't look convinced. He lowered his voice, so only Moiraine could hear him. "It's not a shame to ask for help. Your body needs time to fully recover from Lanfear's attack."

"I will walk back on my own." If she gave in to his request now, Nynaeve wouldn't stop annoying her to stay in the house for the next few days.

Sighing, Lan stood up. "Fine. Take your time. But I will accompany you back to the house."

Moiraine nodded. That was a fair deal if she was allowed to walk by herself. All she needed was a little bit more time to regain her strength and fight against the fatigue. Then she could do the walk.

"Really? You give her what she wants?" Nynaeve sounded like she thought Lan was making the wrong call.

"A few more minutes won't hurt, Nynaeve. Give her some time so she can walk by herself, and then we will leave you guys for tonight."

"Nynaeve!" Egwene appeared, smiling from one ear to the other. "The helpers decided to gather around the fire for a few hours. They arranged some food and ale, and asked if we would join them."

The Wisdom crossed her arms before her chest. "You know the Whitecloaks are after us, Egwene. I don't think it's wise to present ourselves in the open while they search for a reason to question us."

"What shall they do, Nynaeve? Do you really think they will take in all helpers because we sit around the fire and have fun together?"

"I'm just saying-"

"You know what? Elayne and I will stay. Why don't you and… Andra use the time to have our place to yourselves? We won't return any time soon."

Nynaeve's ears turned pink. "This… this is not… we don't…." But Egwene didn't wait for her friend to finish. She turned around and left. "Egwene! Egwene, wait!"

"She is right," Lan said. "It can't hurt to have some fun with the other helpers for one night. You should go."

"The Whitecloaks-"

"Won't do anything against such a big group of people. They're cowards. They won't pull you out of there."

The young woman from the Two Rivers looked like she considered Lan's words. Then she tilted her head. "Will you join them?"

Lan's eyes moved toward Moiraine, who had watched everything in silence. The Aes Sedai saw he wouldn't leave her side.

"Go," she said and waved at him. "Have some fun while I work on getting better."

"Alys-"

"I won't go anywhere right now, Andra. Go. Have fun. I'll find you when I'm ready to leave."

Hope shone in Lan's eyes, but guilt was also coming through the bond. A small part of him wanted to go with Nynaeve, but the bigger part didn't think of it as right. Having fun while Moiraine wasn’t doing well... Finally, he shook his head. "No. I will stay with-"

"Don't be ridiculous. You don't have to watch me regaining my strength."

Finally, the Wisdom also stepped in, touching the Malkieri's arm gently. "Come on, Andra. I need someone by my side who knows how to deal with people who probably get drunk soon."

Moiraine saw how Lan gave up. Was he leaning into Nynaeve's touch? Cursing, she forced her eyes on her hands. Lan wasn't her husband. Why couldn't her heart accept that?

"I'll be outside. Come to me when you wish to return to our house."

The woman of the Blue Ajah nodded. Right now, she just wanted to be left in peace while fighting against the fatigue.

Luckily, the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't argue and left with the Wisdom to join the other helpers at the fire.

It took longer than expected to gather her strength. Moiraine's body was exhausted from today's work, though she hadn't done much. A part of her was tempted to call in sick tomorrow. Maybe she should use another day to rest properly. Obviously, her body wasn't ready to keep running all day.

When Moiraine finally left the infirmary, it wasn't hard to find the campfire of the helpers. Their laughter echoed through the street, and the glow of their campfire lit up the corner they were seated in.

Lan sat beside Nynaeve. He had a cup in his hands and smiled. Happiness filled the bond. The Malkieri had a good time with the Wisdom and the other helpers.

The Cairhien woman thought about joining them and already took a step toward the fire, but the carefree laughter made her stop. She looked at a smiling Nynaeve, who seemed to enjoy the company. What would happen if the Blue joined the fire?

Nynaeve's annoyed face appeared before Moiraine's eyes. Really? You give her what she wants?

Sighing, Moiraine froze. It was no secret that Nynaeve didn't react well to the Aes Sedai's presence. And Lan was finally happy after watching over Moiraine for weeks. Why should she ruin that? There was no doubt he would leave the fire immediately to accompany her home. No. It wasn't fair to drag him away from the woman he loved.

It felt like a stab to the heart when Moiraine thought about Nynaeve being the woman who held Lan's heart. That was the reality. Moiraine was just bonded to Lan, and he would ask to be released from the bond at some point. Nynaeve was his future. She was the one who made him happy.

Heavy-heartedly, the woman of the Blue Ajah stepped backward. She couldn't do it. Lan deserved to be happy. Before she could change her mind, the Aes Sedai turned around, quickly leaving her Warder behind.

It was better that way, she tried to convince herself. Lanfear's nightmare was still haunting her, and she had to deal with what she had experienced there.

Moiraine stood on the wall that led to the destroyed tower, staring at the ocean without seeing it. Her fingers played with her empty ring finger. A few days ago, she had worn a golden ring, different from the big serpent ring. The wheel weaves as the wheel wills. Her words had been engraved on the inside. Her wedding ring. And now…

The Aes Sedai couldn't stop thinking about that other world. Although she knew it had been an illusion created by the daughter of the night to torture and gaslight the Cairhien woman, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Her life had been so different there. Finally, she had found a place in the world where she had felt comfortable. She had a loving husband, who had been willing to follow her to death. Nynaeve hadn't existed anymore. Lan's heart hadn't been torn between two women. His heart had belonged to Moiraine.

Moiraine's husband had endured every harsh word about her not belonging in his world. He hadn't hated her after she attacked him. He had been absolutely amazing while she had made his life miserable at first.

A smile appeared on Moiraine's lips when she remembered how she pushed her knee between Lan's legs, using all her remaining strength to hurt him. The poor man had groaned in pain, and Moiraine felt a little bad for treating him like that. Besides, if she thought about what that man could do with his cock…

Heat moved to her cheeks, and she closed her eyes, which only made it worse for her. A naked Lan appeared before her closed eyes. He was as handsome as ever and wore that little smile on his lips while his eyes took her in hungrily. It had felt so right to be touched by him.

Her entire body longed for the illusion. Lanfear had done more than simply playing with her thoughts. That cruel woman had shown Moiraine what her life could've looked like if some things had turned out differently. And now she couldn't stop thinking about it!

"I'm the wif-" Immediately, the First Oath strangled the Aes Sedai, keeping her from speaking words that weren't true. Coughing, she gasped for air. She couldn't say it. The First Oath erased any doubt that could've been left. Moiraine Damodred wasn't a'Lan Mandragoran's wife.

A tear rolled over Moiraine's cheek. Why had Lanfear shown her that other life? Why didn't she use something that would kill her immediately? Why did she give her Lan as her husband?

"Moiraine."

A gentle touch on her shoulder made the Cairhien woman flinch. Who- And then, she recognized Lan, who held up his hands in defense. "It's just me."

"What… what are you doing here?"

"What I'm doing here?" A chuckle escaped Lan's lips. "The better question is, what are you doing here? I told you to come for me when you're ready to return to the house. Yet, you left the infirmary without talking to me."

Quickly, Moiraine focused on the ocean again. She didn't want Lan to see her tears. He shouldn't worry about her.

"I needed to think and didn't want to return to the house."

Silence filled the air, but the woman of the Blue Ajah felt the Malkieri staring at her. He waited for an explanation – a better explanation than the one she just gave him. She knew he would've accompanied her if she had asked him to take a detour.

"You've been stuck in the house for the last two weeks," Moiraine explained quietly. "Watching over me while you barely slept or ate anything. I didn't want to pull you away from Nynaeve and the others. It seemed like you were having fun, and you need a break."

A heavy sigh escaped Lan's lips, but Moiraine dared not to turn her head. She couldn't forget how happy Lan had looked and felt through the bond. He had enjoyed the gathering.

"And once again, you decide what's best for me. Did you consider asking me what I want? – Just for a moment?"

"I saw the look in your eyes when Nynaeve asked you to join them and felt your hope through the bond. You wanted to go with her."

The Cairhien woman heard the Malkieri cursing. Had he hoped she hadn't noticed? As if she didn't know who his heart belonged to.

"Was that all you felt through the bond?" Lan growled. "Nothing else? You didn't feel that I didn't want to leave you there?"

Moiraine swallowed. Light! She wanted to be left alone! "I felt your hesitation."

"Good." Immediately, the uncrowned king of Malkier sounded calmer, and his voice was softer. "Yes, I wanted to join Nynaeve and the other helpers, but I hated leaving you alone. From the moment I sat at the fire, I was ready to leave any second. You were on my mind while the others entertained us, and I wished you were there with me."

The woman of the Blue Ajah shook her head. That was not what he should think about when he was with his lover. He shouldn't think about another woman.

"You should return to-"

"No."

Shocked, Moiraine watched her Warder from the corner of her eye. No? Had he really said 'no' to her?!

Calmly, Lan leaned against the wall and crossed his arms before his chest. "If you don't want to leave yet, that's fine with me. I will wait right here until you're done thinking and ready to leave."

That insufferable man closed his eyes, and the Cairhien woman noticed how he embraced ko'di. He prepared himself to stand there for a while. Bloody man!

"Leave," Moiraine tried again, though she couldn't keep the tremble out of her voice. "I need to think."

"I won't bother you during your thinking process, but I'm not leaving your side."

Silence filled the air. She couldn't even hear him breathing. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Moiraine needed a moment to grieve the life and the people she had just lost. A life, Lan would never know about and couldn't understand. He would never see anything else in her than his bondholder and the woman who kept him from his true lo-

A weird sound escaped Moiraine's lips. Something like… a whimper? More tears ran down her cheeks, feeling hot on her cold skin. She was trembling, though she wasn't feeling cold.

And then the first sob crossed her lips. It felt like something had finally broken within her, releasing her grief and pain that she couldn't hold back any longer.

"Moiraine!"

Sobbing, Moiraine sank to her knees, hugging herself as if to keep her body from falling apart. She had suppressed her grief for too long.

Chapter Text

The pain was everywhere. Every cell in Moiraine's body was in pain, and she couldn't escape it. Her heart ached for something that had never truly been hers, and she couldn't stop it, though she knew it had never been real.

"Moiraine."

She wanted her husband. She wanted to ride with him, Aldieb, and Mandarb through the Borderlands. She wanted their little house with the servants. But most of all, she wanted to lie in his arms, knowing he loved her with all his heart and feeling the safety his embrace gave to her.

"Moiraine."

Lan's sweet voice rolled over her, making her shiver even more. His strong arms wrapped around her cold body, holding her close to his chest. Not her husband. Lan was not her husband in that world.

"I'm here."

My love.

Would she ever forget how her husband had called her 'my love'? Light! She wished there was a way to erase those memories from her mind! How was she supposed to guide Rand if her mind and heart were stuck in that other world?

"Breathe."

Soothing circles. Lan's hand rubbed soothing circles on her back, using a little pressure like he wanted to ground her and show her what was real.

Moiraine didn't know if he intended to keep her mind in that world, but his actions helped. Slowly, her sobbing stopped, and the trembling faded. But she couldn't stop the tears. Silently, they ran over her cheeks while she fought for control over her emotions.

At some point, Lan sat down on the ground, pulling her numb body on his lap while holding her close. His nose was buried in her dark locks. One arm held her upright, and the other moved over her hair. It was something only her Lan did. Her husband had never done that.

Stop thinking about Lan as your husband! Lanfear gaslighted you. The other world was a trick to kill you, and you fell for her masquerade. You allowed all those people to question yourself about right and wrong until you finally believed the lie. You're an idiot, Moiraine Damodred!

Her fingers started to play again with her empty ring finger, where her wedding ring had been. It had been gone once she awoke in reality, and it still felt weird not to wear it. That ring had been a part of her life – a fake life that had been an illusion, but it had felt real to Moiraine for a while.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on with you?"

The Cairhien woman was thankful that the Malkieri had lowered his voice. She wasn't sure her ears could handle anything louder than that.

"It's… difficult." Her voice sounded strange. It probably was the result of her sobbing. Her body wasn't used to sobs.

"How about you try to explain, and I'll tell you if I have a problem to follow?"

Telling him. Did he really wish to know more about Lanfear's illusion? Blood and ashes! She couldn't tell him about their fake marriage! He would never understand. Worse even. What would happen if he told Nynaeve about it? The Wisdom would strangle the Aes Sedai on the spot.

When she shook her head in denial, Lan pressed a kiss on her hair. "I'm here. I'll listen… whenever you're ready."

Her husband hadn't wanted to listen whenever she tried to tell him about the other world. Surely, her Lan would do the same.

"Lanfear sent my spirit into another world. Similar to ours, except that… some things were different."

There. She had given him something. Now, he could tell her that it hadn't been real and only a nightmare. He would mention that she should forget about it and-

"Different, how?"

Confused, Moiraine blinked. That was not the answer she had expected. How much more information did he need before he had enough?

"You were still my Warder, and our past hadn't changed. But… the Trolloc attack in the Two Rivers at Bel Tine… it ended… not like we remember it."

Lan nodded. "Rand was killed during the attack in that other world, right?"

Surprised, the Aes Sedai lifted her head and looked at her Warder with big eyes. How did he-

The man from the Borderlands chuckled. "Don't look so surprised. You told me Rand died after you tried to kill yourself."

Shame rolled over Moiraine's, and she felt sick when she remembered how she had attacked Lan. She had injured him and had tried to cut her own throat while he had done his best to keep her alive.

Smiling, the Malkieri cupped her cheek. "It's alright, Moiraine."

"I tried to kill you."

Her hand moved up to touch the cut on his throat with gentle fingers. Nynaeve hadn't been able to heal it in case the Whitecloaks had seen it and had informed their commander about it. It looked better now but wasn't fully healed yet.

Fresh tears burned in Moiraine's eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Gently, Lan brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them tenderly. "It wasn't you, Moiraine. The poison confused your mind." He waited a moment, then wanted to know, "How much time passed for you? How long did you stay in that other world?"

"Time moves differently there." She still couldn't believe that only two weeks had passed in reality. So much had happened in Fal Dara.

"That means you only spent a few hours there? Or a month?"

The Aes Sedai closed her eyes. Of course, her Warder had noticed her evasive answer. He wouldn't give up until he got a clear answer.

"Months," she whispered.

Why was he even asking? It wasn't like he actually believed her spirit had been gone. He and Nynaeve probably thought the poison had sent her to sleep, and Moiraine confused nightmare and reality.

"Months." Was it necessary to repeat it? Light! They should end it and call it a night! "I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you. You're such a strong woman for enduring those months, even though a part of you knew it wasn't real." Moiraine blinked in confusion. What was happening? Why wasn't he telling her that she had lost her mind? "And I was still your Warder there?"

"Yes."

"And we were in Fal Dara?"

Surprised, the woman of the Blue Ajah lifted her head. Was there anything that the man didn't remember? "How do you-"

"I was exhausted, not deaf, Moiraine. I heard every word you said. You were shocked not to be in Fal Dara when you woke up."

"I didn't think you would remember."

Lan snorted. "Are you serious? I can't stop thinking about it since you woke up. What did we do in Fal Dara? I would've assumed we were in Tar Valon with Rand being dead."

Moiraine gulped. They started to walk on dangerous territory now. She couldn't tell Lan about their marriage. She couldn't. "You and Agelmar fought against the Blight to free Malkier. We went there to support your army and fought against Shadowspawn. We won, and the Amyrlin agreed to send Aes Sedai for support."

The grip of the uncrowned king of Malkier on the Cairhien woman tightened, and he buried his nose in her hair once again. "And the Amyrlin was-"

"Her." She didn't need to say Siuan's name. "And she had announced me a Darkfriend there as well. Apparently, I'm a Darkfriend to her in every world."

Lan growled. "You're not a Darkfriend. She got blinded and is hurt. But once she realizes her mistake, she will take back her announcement."

It was sweet how the Malkieri tried to lift her mood, though there was little hope for Siuan to see her mistake. The Siuan of the other world had been jealous of Lan, but the real Siuan had called her a Darkfriend because Moiraine had left Cairhien with a Forsaken. How should their relationship recover from that?

Suddenly, something else came to Moiraine's mind. An image of a child – a girl – appeared before her eyes. A girl who smiled whenever she saw Moiraine. A girl who hugged the Cairhien woman and couldn't stop talking. Kera. Did that girl exist in their world? Did the others exist? – Genjad and Diena?

"Lan?"

"Yes."

"In Fal Dara… when you visit those friends of yours…"

Patiently, Lan waited for her to continue, but Moiraine didn't know how. How could she ask him if they were real? Would he be offended? They never talked about them before. Moiraine had always been focused on finding the Dragon Reborn. Lan's friends had been a distraction in her eyes.

"What do you want to know?"

"Do they have a little girl?"

Lan stiffened, which was all the answer Moiraine needed. Kera existed. She was alive, and Moiraine never met her because she had been blinded by her search. Why did she never ask Lan to take her with him? How could she not want to meet those who were close to him?

"I introduced you to Genjad in that other world?"

The Aes Sedai nodded, then explained in a broken voice, "We visited them regularly. Kera… loved the stories about our travels. And she… had that little box where she kept all the-"

"Gifts." Her Warder sounded like his mind was far away. Was he thinking about Kera?

Vaguely, Moiraine remembered that Lan always bought something on their travels, though he never mentioned for who. "You gave her gifts whenever we visited Fal Dara, didn't you?"

"I never told you about Kera's box… or her name."

"Apparently, the other Moiraine cares more about the friends and family of her Lan. I'm just a coldhearted woman who rather-"

The uncrowned king of Malkier interrupted her by grabbing her chin and pulling it up until she looked him in the eye. Anger shimmered in his eyes. "You're not a coldhearted woman."

"I never went with you to meet them. We've visited Fal Dara countless times, but I never considered-"

"You were busy, and I never asked you to join us. It's my fault you never met them, though they begged me to meet you."

Moiraine's eyes widened. Genjad, Diena, and Kera had wanted to meet her? Light! She should've been more attentive!

"I'm sorry. I've been so blinded by our mission-"

"Moiraine, stop." Lan held her closer to him. "We can't change the past. Yes, we have our mission and will do our best to protect Rand and prepare him for the last battle. Should we survive the last battle and Genjad and his family as well, I will gladly take you to them to introduce you properly. I want them to know you."

Silent tears rolled over the Cairhien woman's cheeks, and she hid her face in the Malkieri's tunic. Lan didn't say anything about her tears. He simply continued to rub soothing circles on her back.

After several moments, he broke the silence again. "So, you've spent months in that world." It wasn't a question, yet Moiraine hummed in agreement. Did they have to talk about it again? "What was it like? Did I help you to find a way out of there?"

Moiraine's answer would hurt him, but there was no easy way to say it. Why did he have to ask? Why couldn't he stop?

"No one believed me that I didn't belong to their world. I tried to find a way out, but either Lanfear didn't create a way back, or it was too well hidden from my eyes. And after a while… I started to believe the lie. It's hard to continue fighting when everyone else says you're wrong." Subconsciously, the Aes Sedai started to rub her ring finger again. Lan. Her husband. He hadn't believed her about the real world but had loved her with all his heart. Moiraine knew he had tried his best to help her. "Not all of it was bad. Life was… good, actually. It was nice to sleep in a bed every night."

"Oh, Moiraine. I'm sorry you had to go through it. I have no idea how you endured months in a world where no one believed you. Apparently, I'm an idiot in that world."

Anger washed over the Cairhien woman. "Don't say that!" No one insulted her husband, not even another version of him. "He supported me as best as he could while trying to make sense of that… weird situation."

"I just think he shouldn't have doubted you while you tried to explain the truth to him."

"You weren't there!"

Her words were harsh, and Moiraine felt the stab of pain through the bond. Lan was still beaten himself up over what had happened.

"You're right," the uncrowned king of Malkier finally said. "I wasn't there. I wasn't there when Lanfear tricked you. I wasn't there to stop her from poisoning you. And I couldn't do anything against the poison after you collapsed." His grip on her tightened, and his anger rolled through the bond. "I was damned to watch you fight against the poison running through your veins. I felt the fever, but no herb helped to get rid of it. All I could do was watch and pray you were strong enough to return to me."

Guilt made Moiraine wish to throw up. She had been too hard on Lan. He hadn't had an easy time while her spirit had been trapped in that other world. The man hadn't left her side. He hadn't eaten or slept much, and she rewarded him by hurting him.

"It wasn't your fault, Lan. None of us saw Lanfear's trap coming."

"But I should've been there with you. I should've-"

"She would've found a way around you. Lanfear isn't stupid. She usually gets what she wants." An image appeared before Moiraine's eyes. It was from the nightmare Lanfear had given her while she had been in that other world. The nightmare where she had let Rand torture Lan and all his friends. It hadn't been real, yet it wasn't something Moiraine had enjoyed. "Maybe it was a good thing you weren't there."

The Malkieri stiffened. Blood and ashes! How could he be insulted by that? She just told him it hadn't been his fault!

"Who knows what Lanfear would've done to you if you had been in the way. This way, her rage only focused on me, and she left you unharmed."

The uncrowned king of Malkier growled. "I wished she would've chosen me."

"Don't say that. It was only a matter of time before she would come for me. I was the one trying to kill her. I told Rand about who she really is. I took the Dragon Reborn from her, turning him against her. She hates me, not you."

Silence fell over them again, both lost in their thoughts. At least Moiraine's tears had dried. Lan's questions had helped her to focus on reality. He was different than her husband. The Malkieri was interested in what she had been through. He didn't think she was losing her mind and didn't get annoyed whenever she talked about 'the other Lan'. It was a relief that he listened. Maybe one day, she could tell him about everything that had happened there.

Her eyes fell on her empty ring finger, and she moved her thumb over it. Maybe one day, she would tell him they had been married. Maybe she would do that when she wasn't mourning her husband any longer. Lan shouldn't believe she wished they would-

"Who did you leave behind in Lanfear's world?"

Confused, the woman of the Blue Ajah furrowed her forehead. Who did she leave behind? There had been many people. "What do you mean?"

Gently, Lan grabbed her hand and moved his thumb over the empty spot where her wedding ring had been. "Since the moment you awoke, you keep rubbing your finger like you're missing something that had been there," he said softly, his voice full of love. "Was there a ring on your finger?"

The Aes Sedai swallowed. Light! Her Warder was way too attentive! Did she really rub her finger since she woke up? "I always wear a ring on my finger if the situation doesn't force me to hide the serpent ring. And with all those Whitecloaks-"

"I'm talking about your ring finger, Moiraine," Lan interrupted her. "Did you wear a wedding ring in that other world?"

Shut up, Lan! You're close to asking a question you don't want an answer, too!

"A wedding ring? Don't you think I had other stuff to do than getting married in a world that-"

"Was it her?"

Now, Moiraine really wanted to vomit. He wouldn't understand. He would believe she was trying to separate him from Nynaeve. Stop asking, Lan. You don't want to know. "No." She sounded like she was choking. "It wasn't her."

Immediately, she regretted her words. Her foolish mouth had given Lan more than she had intended to give him. Now, he knew she had been married.

"So, not her. And I don't think Lanfear would go that far pretending to be your wife. Rand was dead in that world, which means it couldn't have been him."

"Stop," Moiraine whispered while trying to free her hand. "Stop asking."

"Who else…?" The Aes Sedai felt the moment when her Warder finally found the answer. He stiffened and stopped breathing. "Me?"

"Stop thinking about it. We should focus on what is going on here. The Whitecloaks are still a problem, and Rand-"

Finally, Lan let go of her hand only to grab her chin and pull her head up, so she had to look him in the eyes. He was calm when he asked, "You were married to me?"

New tears burned in Moiraine's eyes. Why couldn't he stop? He was in love with Nynaeve! Why was he trying to make himself unhappy? "Stop thinking about it. Lanfear created that world to confuse me. She probably just used you as my husband because we pretend to be married here. Besides-"

"You can't be serious!"

A shiver ran over Moiraine's back when she heard Nynaeve's angry voice echoing through the air. Blood and ashes!

Chapter Text

"Nynaeve." Moiraine felt Lan tighten his grip on her while his head lifted in surprise. He hadn't heard the Wisdom sneaking up on them. "What are you doing here?"

But it was as if the young woman from the Two Rivers didn't hear him. She only had eyes for Moiraine, and her eyes were ready to kill. "You imagined you two were married?! Is that what you dream about? You had him for twenty years by your side and didn't make a move. But now that he is happy with me, you're suddenly interested in him?!"

"Nynaeve, stop." Lan pressed Moiraine tighter against him, trying to protect her from Nynaeve's outburst. "Lanfear created that world. She trapped Moiraine in that nightmare. We all know it wasn't real."

Finally, the Wisdom's anger turned toward Lan, who wasn't bothered by her death glare. "Did she?! Did Lanfear really create that world? Or was it Moiraine, who created it? – Filling her wonderland with all the people she liked and leaving those out who dare to speak up against her."

Moiraine's voice was quiet when she tried to argue, "This is not-"

"It must be annoying to know he likes spending his time with me and not you. How much does it hurt to know he has his arms wrapped around me and not you at night? Do you wish you could swap places with me?"

Light! That child didn't understand anything! Moiraine was happy for Lan. He had found his true love, and the Aes Sedai knew it was only a matter of time before her Warder would beg her to release him from the bond, so he could become Nynaeve's Warder. It wasn't her fault that Lanfear had used the lie about Moiraine and Lan's 'marriage' to confuse the Cairhien woman in that weird world.

Angrily, Moiraine freed herself from Lan's embrace, who did his best to keep the two women separated. No one knew what would happen if he wasn't there to calm their heated temper.

"I didn't ask to be poisoned, child, and I definitely didn't ask to be placed in a strange world where no one believed me that it wasn't real."

"You should've known Lanfear wasn't Lan. You have the bond. You can feel what he feels."

"You didn't notice it either. You talked to her before she poisoned me. Yet, you didn't see through her disguise."

"I'm not bonded to Lan – you are. But you went to Lanfear without hesitation and let her kiss you."

"I let her kiss me?! I didn't-"

Nynaeve took another step forward until their noses almost touched. "Did you enjoy it? It must have felt good to have Lan kissing you. That's probably the reason why you were married in your dream. YOU created the illusion, not Lanfear. YOU wanted to be married to Lan in real life. YOU want his attention, so you imagined me dead."

"Enough!"

Lan stepped between them, pushing Nynaeve backward and talking to her while Moiraine felt like she had been slapped in the face. Their voices were a soft murmur to her since her blood rushed loudly in her ears, dulling every other sound.

In all that time since she knew Lan, she had never wished to be married to him. She hadn't even had romantic feelings for the man before Lanfear had poisoned her. Had she been jealous of Nynaeve for suddenly having Lan's attention? Definitely. Lan had been hers for twenty years, and she never had to share him with anyone. But she was also happy that he had found a woman he loved with all his heart. She didn't wish to stand in their way of happiness.

A sharp pain hit Moiraine's cheeks, and she lifted her hand in surprise. It felt like someone had slapped her in the face, except that no one had. Blinking, she focused on Lan and Nynaeve. The Malkieri's head was turned aside. Did Nynaeve…?

"You're a fool, Lan Mandragoran." Oh, the Wisdom was pissed. "How can you not see what's in front of you? She plays with your feelings. Why did she suddenly decide to tell you about that so-called marriage? Why didn't she tell you right away? She sees you're happy with me and tries to pull you back to her."

"This is not what she's doing, Nynaeve."

Again, the young woman from the Two Rivers lifted her hand and slapped the uncrowned king of Malkier. Why didn't he stop her? Why didn't he do anything about it? Light! Moiraine's cheek burned from the impact, and she wasn't even receiving the slap.

"I'm sick of you defending her every move. Is it the bond that makes you blind to what she's doing? Or am I the fool here? Do you love her? Do you want to be with her? Do you like the thought of being married to her?"

Calmly, Lan tried to explain, though Moiraine felt his suppressed rage through the bond. "Nynaeve. You don't understand-"

"I understand enough, Lan." This time, the Wisdom stepped aside, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the Cairhien woman. "She is a lonely woman, and you're the only one she has left because you're bonded to her. But she doesn't deserve you. I already told you that in Fal Dara, when she treated you like garbage after her return from the eye, and I will gladly repeat it, Lan. She doesn't deserve you. And if she weren't so selfish, she would release you from your bond, instead of keeping you tied to her."

Suddenly, Lan grabbed Nynaeve's arm, pushing her further away from Moiraine. "Stop talking about her like that. You're so angry you don't know what you're saying."

"I'm trying to make you see the truth!"

Selfish. Moiraine lowered her eyes to her hands, looking at her empty ring finger. She hadn't wanted to tell Lan about their marriage in that other world, but the man had pulled his own conclusions. Was it her fault? Should she have been more persistent in stopping him? Blood and ashes! She never should have allowed him to hug her! Why hadn't she sent him away?

Nynaeve and Lan were focused on each other again, throwing angry words at each other while forgetting the rest of the world. Moiraine didn't want to listen any longer. She shouldn't be there. They were fighting because of her. What had she done? They had been so happy while they sat by the fire. She didn't mean for them to fight.

Quietly, the Aes Sedai turned around and ran, leaving the fighting couple behind.

Moiraine didn't know where she was going. Her feet moved, but her thoughts were a mess. She couldn't forget Nynaeve's words. It felt like they were stuck in her brain, pushing a knife deeper into her heart whenever she heard them.

She doesn't deserve you.

Nynaeve was right about that. Moiraine still didn't understand why Lan had wanted the bond back. He had said his life hadn't been the same without her, but how had he been able to forgive her cruel behavior? How could he forgive her when she hadn't forgiven herself?

And after returning to this reality, Moiraine had tried to kill Lan because Lanfear's poison had gaslighted her. Yet, he still didn't hold a grudge against her.

You imagined you two were married?! Is that what you dream about? You had him for twenty years by your side and didn't make a move. But now that he is happy with me, you're suddenly interested in him?!

Light! Moiraine wished she could tell her stupid heart and body not to long for Lan. He wasn't her husband in that reality. But it had been months for her, living with Lan in marriage. They had kissed countless times, and Moiraine had fallen in love with the Malkieri. It took her weeks until she decided to bed him. After that, she had been lost. Lan's skills in bed were…

Heat moved over her cheeks, and her body tingled in anticipation. What was she doing?! She should forget about her experience in that other world! It hadn't been real! Lan didn't love her like that, and they would never bed each other! Why couldn't she erase those memories?!

The smell of horses and hay lured Moiraine toward a stable. Being with Aldieb had always helped to calm her spinning thoughts. But the white mare wasn't in Falme. Moiraine had left her in Cairhien. What had happened to her? Was Anvaere taking care of her? Or did she sell the mare because Moiraine had left without saying goodbye?

Moiraine was greeted by the soft neighing of the horses. Immediately, it felt like a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders, and she was able to breathe more freely. That was better. Smiling, she went to the nearest box. A beautiful brown mare came to her and nudged her gently.

"Hello, beautiful." Moiraine patted the mare's flank, then pressed her face against her throat, inhaling deeply. Light! She missed Aldieb.

"I've been called worse," an amused female voice announced.

Shocked, the woman of the Blue Ajah spun around. Lanfear stood at the other side of the stable, leaning against the open door. She smiled at Moiraine's shocked face.

"Lanfear."

"Hello, Moiraine." The daughter of the night straightened, then started to close in on the frozen Aes Sedai. "It's annoying, you know? No matter what I do, you refuse to die. I poisoned you twice, but instead of dying, you survive and even return to the living."

Moiraine swallowed. Her body screamed at her to run, but she knew it was useless. She wouldn't be able to leave the stable before Lanfear had her wrapped up like a package. "It's your poison. Maybe you did something wrong."

Lanfear chuckled, then lifted Moiraine's chin with a slender finger. "You're brave. Not many people would challenge me, knowing I could kill them with a flick of my wrist." And just to demonstrate her powers, she lifted a hand and moved it.

The doors of the stable shut close, and the Cairhien woman couldn't stop herself from flinching. Blood and ashes! She couldn't let Lanfear know she was afraid of her!

But it was already too late. Lanfear had seen Moiraine's reaction, and her smile grew. "Good. I was worried, you might have forgotten who you're talking to." Sighing, she turned her back on Moiraine, walking toward the middle of the stable. "Now. What do I do with you, little Aes Sedai?"

It was a stupid idea, but probably the best chance Moiraine would ever get – and probably the only chance. She embraced Saidar and weaved as fast as possible to loosen the hay bales stored in the attic above their heads.

Lanfear lifted her head when the hay fell, but no word crossed her lips, and then the first hay bale hit her. Moiraine didn't wait to see if she succeeded in distracting the daughter of the night. Quickly, she ran toward the closed door to push it open. Maybe out on the streets, Lanfear wouldn't…

The door of the stable didn't open! Panicking, Moiraine pushed and pulled, but the wooden thing didn't move. What had Lanfear done to it?!

In the next heartbeat, Moiraine got pushed against the door. The Forsaken turned one of the Aes Sedai's arms on her back until a short, painful scream escaped Moiraine's lips. "That was a poor attempt. I expected more of you. The last time you attacked me, you actually tried to kill me."

Moiraine shivered when Lanfear's hot breath tickled her ear. The Forsaken pressed her body against Moiraine's back, pinning her against the wood. Why did she have to be so close? She could use Saidar to hold Moiraine in place. Why was it necessary to touch her?

"Unlike you, I can't use Saidar to kill unless I'm attacked," Moiraine panted. "And since we both know a simple dagger won't kill you, I didn't bother to try."

"Hmm," Lanfear hummed while pressing her nose against Moiraine's cheek. Blood and ashes! Was she inhaling her scent?! "Maybe you should consider swearing yourself to the Dark One. Then you're no longer bound by the Three Oaths."

"Never!" That woman was out of her mind if she thought the woman of the Blue Ajah would fall for the dark side!

Lanfear pulled Moiraine's hair aside to have better access to her throat while she pushed a knee between Moiraine's legs. "Never is such a strong word, don't you think? Your precious Amyrlin Seat has already declared you openly as a Darkfriend. So, no one would be surprised if you turn to the dark."

"I will never serve the Dark One!" Moiraine spat.

"But he could help you by giving you your husband back."

The Aes Sedai froze. Her husband? What kind of bait was that? "My so-called husband wasn't real. That entire world was created by you to confuse me, but I'm over it now."

"Not real? Well, if that explanation makes things easier for you, I will not try to convince you otherwise. But I know you enjoyed your playtime with your husband." Lanfear's fingers touched the side of Moiraine's breasts teasingly. "Don't you want him back? I heard he is quite vigorous in bed."

Don't fall for it! Don't fall for it! Distract her! Let her talk about something else!

"What happened to the other Moiraine while I was stuck in her body? I assume you put my spirit into her body while my real body stayed in Falme."

"Why do you care?" The daughter of the night sounded confused. "She was out of the way."

"But where was she? She definitely didn't run around in my body. Did you turn her into a ghost?"

Lanfear sighed heavily. "I didn't take you for someone who cares about a stranger's life."

"I want to understand what you did to me."

Another heavy sigh. Moiraine could almost imagine her enemy rolling her eyes in annoyance. "You want to know? Fine. The poison separated your spirit from your body. I took your spirit to this other world, cut the spirit of the other Moiraine out, and put you into her body. Since I removed her forcefully instead of using the poison, she didn't survive the cut. But her spirit stayed because you were using her body, so I placed her in your real body. The poison was supposed to kill you quickly, but you managed to live with it for months. Usually, the people die when they finally believe the lie. The poison makes their blood boil, and they feel like they burn from the inside out."

A memory hit Moiraine. The feeling of burning whenever she had thought about that other world. It had started when she had bedded her husband for the first time and had gotten worse since then. It had been the moment when she had truly accepted her new life for the first time.

"And the new poison was meant to separate my spirit from that other world again?"

Growling, Lanfear leaned her forehead against Moiraine's shoulder. "Questions. So many unnecessary questions."

"Or do you have no answer to my question? Is that the reason why you don't wish to talk-" The Blue gritted her teeth when her opponent grabbed her hair and pulled her head back painfully.

"Careful, little one. You don't want to anger me, do you?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Moiraine answered in a pressed voice.

"Good." Luckily, Lanfear released her hair, and Moiraine almost sighed in relief. "And it wasn't planned to send you back to your real body when I poisoned you for the second time. I hoped it would finally kill you for good, but instead, you escaped and returned here. I never had to poison someone a second time, so I didn't know what would happen."

Lanfear hadn't planned to undo her trick? That was interesting. Was there more that she hadn't planned? "What about the bond? A Warder's bond connects the Aes Sedai's soul with her Warder's soul. Why was I able to feel the other Lan instead of my Warder?"

The Forsaken giggled while the woman of the Blue Ajah just wished to strangle her. "Did you like that? I hoped it would help to confuse you even more. I couldn't cut your bond with that Warder of yours, so I attached his bond to the other Moiraine's spirit while you were gone. This way, he still felt something without knowing it wasn't actually you."

So, the new bond had been meant to help Moiraine accept her new life with her husband. Angrily, she cursed at herself. Why hadn't she seen through Lanfear's plan? Why had she allowed her husband to talk her into believing the lie? She should've tried harder to find a way out of that nightmare!

"Don't be mad," Lanfear purred into the Aes Sedai's ear. She had started to move her body against Moiraine's. "I could've sent you to another world where all your loved ones would've been dead. I could've taken everything from you. Instead, I gave you a good life and a loving husband, who enjoyed your body very much."

Moiraine's stomach twisted when Lanfear's free hand moved over her body again. She couldn't reach her front since Moiraine was still pressed against the wood, but her fingers wandered from her back down to her… The Aes Sedai decided it was time to end Lanfear's examination. "What in Light's name are you doing?!"

"I'm having some fun."

"Don't you like the company of men?"

"Usually," Lanfear responded, rubbing her cheek against Moiraine's throat. "But I don't mind playing with women. Especially since I can't visit Rand if I don't want to lure the other Forsaken toward him. Speaking of Rand."

As sudden as she had moved in on Moiraine, the daughter of the night released the Cairhien woman, stepping back like she hadn't tried to seduce her one moment ago. The Aes Sedai released a relieved breath when she could move her arm again and turned around. She didn't want to have her back on the Forsaken.

"What about him?"

"You need to tell that foolish girl she has to let the Whitecloaks work at the infirmary again. Her decision threatens Rand's life."

Confused, the Blue furrowed her forehead. The Whitecloaks? Why did Lanfear care about the Whitecloaks? Hadn't she wanted to talk about Rand? "They can't work at the infirmary. They kill people there."

"I know."

Moiraine was shocked. Lanfear knew, and yet she wanted those killers back with the injured ones? "Why do you want them back at the infirmary?"

"Because I was the one who pushed them to help there."

"You… why?! Why would you do that?"

Lanfear sighed dramatically and rolled her head before finally saying, "The Whitecloaks have an advisor, who encourages them to find Rand and kill him. His name is Padan Fain, and he is a Darkfriend."

Moiraine's eyes widened. The peddler from the Two Rivers. The one who had taken the horn of Valere and the bloody dagger from Shadar Logoth. The one who nearly killed Loial in Fal Dara.

"Why should the Whitecloaks listen to a peddler?"

"He is convincing. Telling them everything they need to know about Rand, and the Whitecloaks are desperate. You know what they do to women who can channel. It doesn't matter to them if they kill a woman or a man. They don't even care if the person can actually channel."

"Why don't you talk to Padan Fain and tell him to stop? You're one of the Forsaken. Surely, he will listen to you."

"He was one of Ishy's little sheep. When Rand killed him… he didn't take it well. Now, he whispers into the Whitecloaks' ears, encouraging them to move forward." Lanfear grimaced, then shook her head. "No. He wouldn't listen to me. Besides, I have to be careful. The other Forsaken don't want me to get close to Rand, let alone save him from being killed."

"So, you rather let innocent people die?"

Growling, the daughter of the night took a few steps toward the Cairhien woman. Obviously, she didn't like to explain herself or to be questioned. "It's the only way to slow them down in their search for Rand. He needs to leave Falme or else they will find him eventually."

Moiraine gulped when Lanfear walked away from her. She had to be careful with her words. "Did you tell them to kill those people?"

"I told them food and water were running low, allowing them to come up with their own plans."

"And you didn't think about stopping them from killing innocent people?"

Lanfear snorted, then her eyes widened when she saw the look on Moiraine's face. "Are you serious? I didn't think I had to explain to you, of all people, how important it is to protect Rand. After all, wasn't it you who destroyed those Seanchan ships? How many people died in the water because of what you did?"

Angrily, the Cairhien woman gritted her teeth. Of course, Lanfear had to mention that incident. "You placed me there. You knew about the ships and that the Damane were supposed to shield Rand. You wanted me to sink the ships to save Rand."

"And you did it beautifully," Lanfear said, smiling. "You saved Rand, and he killed Ishy." Then she tilted her head playfully. "Fine. You don't want to take responsibility for the dead Seanchan? What about that Cairhien woman you used as bait?"

"I didn't use anyone as bait."

Again, Lanfear moved in on Moiraine, but this time, she walked slowly. Moiraine felt like a prey watching a dangerous animal approaching and wished to run. Why couldn't she shut up?!

"You didn't use that horse lady? The one you told to race the horses to Tar Valon while you and Rand returned to Cairhien?" Moiraine paled. She had assumed the woman had listened to her and had reached Tar Valon without getting caught by Lanfear. The daughter of the night smiled at Moiraine's reaction. "So, you do remember her. Do you still pretend you didn't use her?"

The Aes Sedai swallowed. Blood and ashes! "What… what did you do to her?" She cursed herself for sounding like she choked on her words.

Giggling, Lanfear waved at her dismissively. "Don't worry. She's alive. Though I got annoyed by her voice at some point, so I sewed her lips together."

Moiraine felt sick. She hadn't checked if the woman had returned to Cairhien. She had been stuck in her own problems with Lanfear, Rand, the loss of her powers,… Light! She should've checked!

"Anyway, you see, we're not so different, Moiraine. You're willing to risk the death of innocent people if it helps the Dragon Reborn, and I do the same."

Now, the Cairhien woman really felt sick. She was nothing like that lunatic! She wasn't. Right?

Chapter Text

"Are you still with me?"

Blinking, Moiraine lifted her eyes from the ground. Lanfear was still standing before the hay bales Moiraine had loosened, observing her with narrowed eyes. She had to focus on the danger before her. She could think about Lanfear's words later.

"Anything else you need me to deliver? Maybe a message to Rand?"

Lanfear laughed. "Oh, Moiraine. You forget I walk among you since the Whitecloaks shut down all exits of the city. I know you don't know where Rand is. That child who loves to pull her braid when she is angry, doesn't tell you, and the rest of his friends do the same. You can't deliver a message if you don't know where the person is staying."

Angrily, the Cairhien woman gritted her teeth. Blood and ashes! Was there anything that bloody woman didn't know?!

"In that case, I guess I can leave?"

"Am I boring you?"

"It's late."

"Indeed. But I'm curious. What makes you think I let you leave this place?"

Not good. Moiraine swallowed hard. She really had to be careful with her words now. "Well, since you want me to deliver your message to the girl so the Whitecloaks aren't entirely focused on Rand, I need to leave this stable – alive. Otherwise, it's hard to deliver a message."

The smile on Lanfear's face brought a shiver over Moiraine's back. She didn't like that smile. The daughter of the night lifted the Cairhien woman's chin with one of her delicate fingers, then run it over her exposed throat down to her chest.

"I could let you leave to deliver the message. Of course, I could also use that smooth body of yours." Her finger moved deeper between Moiraine's breasts to her stomach. "I'm really good at carving letters into skin." Moiraine's pulse quickened. Would she die now? Would Lanfear kill her? Lanfear stepped closer, moving her nose over Moiraine's cheek before she whispered, "Or I could keep you alive just for you to deliver your message before you take your final breath." Her hot breath tickled Moiraine's ear.

The woman of the Blue Ajah closed her eyes. She had no doubt anymore. Lanfear would kill her in that stable. She wouldn't see Lan again. At least she had been able to feel the comfort of his arms around her one last time.

"My Warder and the girl will search for me."

Lanfear laughed and stepped back. "Oh, I know. They try to find you for quite a while. I'm afraid they won't succeed until I want them to find you."

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. What was that supposed to mean? Lan could use the bond to locate Moiraine.

The Forsaken sighed when she saw Moiraine's confusion. "Think about it as an illusion. The stable is there, but they can't see it. He knows you're here somewhere but can't enter until I decide to lift the illusion."

Which means no one will come to my help, the Aes Sedai realized. She was on her own, fighting against a woman who was stronger than her and kept her a prisoner in that stable.

A memory crossed Moiraine's mind. Lanfear, attacking the other Moiraine in that other world, telling her the other Lan wouldn't feel the attack since she used a special weave on her. Would Lanfear agree to it? Or would she laugh at Moiraine?

Determined, the Aes Sedai stepped forward. She couldn't fight against Lanfear. She wasn't strong enough to defeat her. But that didn't mean she would show fear. If Lanfear intended to kill her, she would face her. "If you intend to kill me, then I have one request."

Surprised, Lanfear raised an eyebrow. She hadn't expected that. "Go on."

"I want you to use a weave, so Lan won't feel what I feel through the bond."

Silence filled the air, while the daughter of the night observed Moiraine warily. "How do you know about that weave?"

"You used it on that other Moiraine when you attacked her. I got her memories when I went to that tree."

Lanfear threw her hands in the air. "You went to that tree, and yet you didn't die when those memories hit you?! You really are a mystery to me, Moiraine Damodred. I have no idea how you survived that poison."

"That makes two of us," Moiraine whispered. She didn't know if she should be thankful that Lanfear had no idea how she survived or if she should be worried. Sometimes, there was no explanation no matter how hard you searched for one. Maybe it had been the wrong dosage or maybe Moiraine's will to live had been stronger than the poison. The possibilities were endless.

"Are you sure you don't want him to feel your pain?"

"Yes. He doesn't deserve that."

It looked like Lanfear would decline her request for a moment, then she shrugged her shoulders. "If that's what you wish." She embraced Saidar faster than Moiraine had imagined. It took her one hand movement, then the Aes Sedai felt how Lanfear's weave touched her.

Moiraine shivered. Lanfear's weave didn't hurt, but she felt dirty. She had allowed – no, begged! – one of the Forsaken to place a weave on her. It was necessary. It's to protect Lan. He shall not feel my pain. He can't help me anyway.

"Done," Lanfear said, then placed a finger against her smiling lips while letting her eyes wander over Moiraine's body. "Now. What do I do with you?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah shivered again. She didn't like that hungry look. What was wrong with Lanfear? Was she really so desperate because she couldn't have Rand that she considered to bed the enemy?

"Well, I don't think you will use a weapon to kill me. I assume you want it to be over quickly since I've been such a pain in your ass."

"And that's where you're wrong again, little Aes Sedai. Yes, you are a pain in my ass. But that's why you let your opponent suffer as long as possible. Call it payback for everything you did to me."

Blood and ashes! How long did she intend to let Moiraine suffer? No. She preferred a quick death. If Lanfear didn't intend to make a move, Moiraine would force her to kill her quickly. Her hand closed around the hilt of her dagger. Using Saidar wasn't an option, so she would have to use the only other weapon she had.

Sadly, the daughter of the night saw her attack coming. She made a quick movement with her hand, and weaves of air wrapped around Moiraine's arms and legs, pulling her in the air like a puppet hanging on strings. The dagger dropped to the ground, but Lanfear didn't look at it. Her eyes were locked on Moiraine.

"Do you really think you can provoke me into making that easier for you?"

"Just get it over with," Moiraine hissed.

"But I'm bored. Your mind was trapped in that other world for such a long time, and I'm not allowed to see Rand. I want to have some fun." Her eyes shimmered with excitement. Was that a game to her? "Besides, no one comes here until I lift the weave. So, there's no rush."

"I'm not interested in-" A gasp escaped Moiraine's lips when Lanfear grabbed a breast, kneading it roughly. Blood and ashes!

"But that's the best part, Moiraine," Lanfear purred. She stepped closer until their lips almost touched. "It's so much more fun when you resist me." And then her lips were on Moiraine's.

Moiraine wanted to scream. That was not what she had expected. She didn't want Lanfear's hands or lips or anything else on her. When Lanfear's tongue asked for entrance, Moiraine pressed her lips together. She wouldn't allow that woman to dance with her-

A weave of air moved between their bodies, pressing against Moiraine's lips and forcing them open. A gurgling sound escaped her throat when she couldn't close her mouth, then Lanfear was there to push her tongue into Moiraine's mouth.

It felt wrong. Lanfear wasn't a tender partner like Siuan or the Lan from the other world. How did Rand fall for her? Moiraine couldn't imagine her being anything like Egwene either. Why did the Dragon Reborn bed her?

Finally, the daughter of the night ended the kiss, but only to move on to Moiraine's throat. She tilted Moiraine's head back, exposing her throat so she could reach it more easily. "Your pulse is running."

"Take your hands off me!" Moiraine hissed. "Kill me, but stop touching me. I'm not interested in you." Another gasp escaped her lips when Lanfear bit into her throat. It wasn't deep but with enough emphasis to get a reaction out of Moiraine. After that she sucked on Moiraine's skin, hard enough to leave a mark.

"I told you I want to have some fun. And you move so beautifully under my touch." Her kisses moved up again until she began to nibble at Moiraine's earlobe. "Shall we see how much you already enjoy my attention?"

Moiraine's eyes widened. Blood and ashes! That woman couldn't mean… But Lanfear's free hand already grabbed Moiraine's dress, working its way beneath the fabric until her cool fingers touched Moiraine's naked leg.

"No. Stop. Stop it."

But of course, Lanfear didn't listen. Her hand reached Moiraine's hip, and she growled when she felt the fabric of Moiraine's smallclothes.

"Smallclothes. So useless and always in the way when you want to have fun. Don't you think?"

Weaves of air moved under Moiraine's dress, wrapping around her legs while moving upward toward her center.

"Lanfear, stop. This is madness. You don't want me. Using me won't bring you-"

The rest of Moiraine's sentences got stuck in her throat when the weaves grabbed her smallclothes and ripped them to pieces. That was a nightmare!

"Much better," Lanfear purred, placing her hand between Moiraine's legs. "Now, let's see what we have here."

The woman of the Blue Ajah closed her eyes. She couldn't stop Lanfear from touching her, but she wouldn't watch either.

"Hm. Apparently, you're not aroused yet." Moiraine bit her tongue when Lanfear pushed a finger inside of her. Her body wasn't ready for the intrusion, and it hurt. "No, you're not ready yet. In that case, I have some work to do."

Lanfear lowered her mouth toward a breast and closed it around the covered nipple. Moiraine squirmed when her opponent used her tongue to flick it over her nipple. Her dress turned wet from Lanfear's spit. In the meantime, Lanfear pinched the other nipple and used her thumb of the other hand to rub Moiraine's clit.

A low moan crossed Moiraine's lips. Light! That wasn't good! How could she make her stop? She didn't want to come under Lanfear's touch.

"There we go." Lanfear's finger, which was still inside of Moiraine's vagina, started to move again, but this time, it didn't hurt since it went in and out smoothly. "You need to be stimulated properly to be aroused."

It was embarrassing. Moiraine did her best to think about all the things that would kill the mood, but her body had a different plan. It betrayed her and came to life under Lanfear's hands.

"How many fingers can you handle?"

Moiraine bit harder on her tongue. Don't say a word. Don't say a word. Don't give in to her.

"If you don't give me an answer, I have to find out by myself." And just like that, Lanfear added a second finger. "Two work fine. How about three?" Moiraine almost grimaced when the third finger joined the first two. Although Lanfear had slender fingers, her vagina got stretched to its limits. "Hmm. It's getting tighter, but I think there is room for more. Don't you think?"

"Stop!" Moiraine cursed herself, but she couldn't take it back. The pain when Lanfear tried to push the fourth finger into her was terrible. Her body had reached its limit. Panting, the Blue opened her eyes and glared at her opponent. "Please, stop."

The daughter of the night smiled. "Three is your limit?" She pressed a soft kiss on Moiraine's lips. "It feels so much better with four. I'll go slowly."

Moiraine gasped when Lanfear started to move again, slowly spreading her. As promised, she didn't rush her movements until Moiraine's body had accepted the new experience.

"See? Doesn't that feel good?" The Aes Sedai bit her lip. She wouldn't encourage Lanfear in her doings. "Let's change the angle. I'd like to taste you." Her weaves pulled Moiraine's legs up, pushing her dress up to her waist and giving Lanfear a good look at her core. "That looks tasty."

Growling, Moiraine tried to free herself from the weaves, but it was useless. Lanfear was stronger than her and wouldn't let her escape so easily.

The Forsaken stepped between Moiraine's spread legs. "You will watch me while I bring pleasure to you. If you close your eyes…" She lifted her hand and drew circles around one of Moiraine's nipples. "…I will make you until you do as I say." And just to demonstrate what she was talking about, Lanfear pinched and twisted Moiraine's nipple painfully.

"I'm looking!" She screamed when the pain became too much. "I'm looking!"

Lanfear smiled contently, and returned to circling Moiraine's nipple. "Very good, Moiraine. And don't forget. Some encouraging moans are always appreciated."

"I will never-" But the black haired woman didn't let her finish. Those poisonous lips closed around Moiraine's clit, sucking hard. Moiraine couldn't stop herself from moaning. She hadn't been prepared for the attack.

At the same time, Lanfear started to move her fingers again, in and out of Moiraine. And Moiraine's traitorous body reacted. She noticed how the pleasure began to rise within her, no matter how disgusted she was by the thought of being touched by a Forsaken. Her body only cared for the feeling and the possible release.

Angrily, Moiraine bit her lip to keep herself from moaning. Lanfear watched her attentively while her tongue, mouth, and fingers worked on Moiraine. Her eyes shimmered with amusement when she saw how the Cairhien woman fought with herself. Bloody woman!

And just when the Aes Sedai was about to reach her climax, the daughter of the night stopped. Moiraine wanted to scream. What was it now?!

"Apparently, simple licking and fingering isn't enough for you. It looks like I need to get a little bit more creative."

Creative? Moiraine's eyes widened. "No!"

"I don't hear anything from you, so you must be disappointed by my treatment." Her free hand grabbed a breast and kneaded it roughly. "I'm very good at what I do, and I hate disappointing people by not giving them what they desire."

"Or maybe you're not that good!" Moiraine spat. When would that torture be over?

Lanfear twisted Moiraine's nipple painfully until she screamed. "Do you think I will kill you faster when you insult me? On the contrary, little one. You suffer only longer."

"Light!" The Cairhien woman squirmed, but she couldn't escape. The weaves held her in place, being at Lanfear's mercy.

"Or maybe it's my looks? Would you prefer me to take your husband's form? Would that be more enjoyable for you?"

"Don't you dare!" Moiraine hissed. It was already hard not to think about the other Lan. But she would never recover if Lanfear would fuck her while wearing Lan's face.

The Forsaken sighed theatrically. "Fine. No other form. But then you better start playing along, or otherwise I will use another form if that's the only way to get you to cooperate."

Moiraine closed her eyes to stop herself from crying when Lanfear moved her face back between her legs. What was Lan doing momentarily? Was he still searching for her? Light! What would he say if he could see her now?

A sharp pain moved through her body when Lanfear used her teeth on Moiraine's clit. Gasping, Moiraine's eyes shot open.

"Eyes on me. Remember?"

Bloody woman! But the Aes Sedai obeyed and continued to watch the daughter of the night who brought back her tongue to work on her opponent. Quickly, Moiraine's pleasure returned, and this time, she didn't hold back her moans.

Lanfear picked up the pace of her fingers and let her tongue flick Moiraine's clit until the Blue came with a scream.

"Wonderful." Lanfear licked her wet lips, smiling. "It wasn't so hard, wasn't it?"

"Are we done now?" Moiraine asked breathlessly. Her body was still shaking from the little pleasure waves moving through her body.

"Done?" A cold laughter escaped Lanfear's throat, letting Moiraine shiver. "We barely started." Another weave of air wrapped around Lanfear's arm down to her hand, looking almost like a whip. "Making you come was just for fun. Now, we come to the part where my punishment starts. Since my poison didn't work on you, I have to do it the old fashion way."

Moiraine gulped when she understood her torture would continue. Would Lan give up on finding her?

"You're really stubborn, do you know that?"

Moiraine almost didn't understand what Lanfear was saying. Her blood rushed loudly in her ears. Her throat was dry, she was tired, and her head was killing her. She would've collapsed hours ago – had it already been hours? She couldn't say how much time had already passed but it felt like hours – without the weaves of air keeping her up in the air.

Her blood dropped continuously onto the ground where it had started to gather in a small puddle. Lanfear had used a weave of air to hit Moiraine with it, cutting through her clothes and skin. Sometimes, she had used the weave to stab Moiraine with it, like it was a sword or a dagger.

The pain was almost unbearable, but not one scream had crossed the Aes Sedai's lips. She had given Lanfear more than enough by playing along with her pleasure game. The daughter of the night wouldn't kill her quicker if she did what she asked of her. She would always find another reason to continue with her torture.

"All I want is some screaming," Lanfear said, pouting. "And maybe some begging. Do you know how hard it is to injure someone without killing him? I cut and stabbed you so many times, you would've died a while ago if I didn't have control over what I'm doing. And all I'm asking in return is for some screaming."

Fluttering, Moiraine opened her eyes, glaring at the Forsaken. Even if she wanted to speak, her throat wouldn't be able to form words. And since she couldn't move her body except for her head, her eyes were the only way to communicate with her enemy.

Lanfear rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes. You despise me and want me to end this."

She moved her hand and the air weave impaled Moiraine's shoulder. It was higher than the Trolloc blade from Bel Tine, but just as painful. The only thing missing was the poison running through her veins. Moiraine wished she could lose consciousness. Surely, Lanfear wouldn't enjoy torturing a body which didn't respond. The darkness was already closing in on her. It shouldn't take much longer until…

"Not so quickly, little one."

Gasping, Moiraine stiffened. Lanfear had found a way to keep her from losing consciousness by making her come – over and over again. Moiraine had stopped counting at how many times she had come tonight. Her body was exhausted.

"Stop," she whimpered when Lanfear's fingers rubbed her oversensitive clit again. "I can't."

"Do you want to tell me you don't enjoy me bringing you pleasure?"

Light! Moiraine hated when that woman used her seductive voice on her. It didn't have any effect on her! But it was useless to argue with Lanfear, so she kept her mouth shut and tried to forget about the pain. At some point, even Lanfear's attempts to pleasure her wouldn't help to keep Moiraine awake, and then, she would finally be free.

"It's no fun if you don't play along." Was that woman pouting? Moiraine couldn't say. Her eyelids felt so heavy, and she stopped trying to hold her head up. At least the daughter of the night had stopped touching her.

Instead, she felt Lanfear's presence moving around her in circles until she stopped right before her. "How do you deal with the loss?"

"What do you mean?" Moiraine's voice was barely audible. Cold. She felt so cold. And the darkness was so close.

"You lost your dear husband. Here, your Warder is in love with another woman. Isn't it hard to be around them?"

"I know what's real."

"Do you?" Again, Lanfear started to walk in circles around Moiraine. "Well, I could give you a nice parting gift, so you won't be alone in death. It belongs to the other world, but it can be yours."

Parting gift. That woman didn't know what a 'gift' was. "I don't want anything from you." A cough shook her body. Blood and ashes. She should stop talking. Her throat was on fire.

"Not even your unborn child?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah needed a moment until she understood her opponent's words. Slowly, her eyes opened, only to glare at Lanfear again. "The other Moiraine wasn't pregnant."

It had only been Moiraine's spirit in the body of that other Moiraine, but she would've known if that body had been expecting a child.

But Lanfear's smile didn't waver. And her eyes… they shimmered cruelly. "Oh, the other Moiraine wasn't pregnant when I placed your spirit in her body. But when you left that world…."

No. That was impossible. It was one of Lanfear's tricks to get inside her head. But she wouldn't fall for it. There had been no baby. She hadn't been pregnant.

"You and your husband have been quite busy. I heard the servants talking about you when I hid among them. Especially the library became a favorite place of yours."

It was impossible for Moiraine to blush since her body felt cold as ice, but she was embarrassed when she remembered how she and Lan had-

Her pulse quickened, and she cursed herself for it. Light! She couldn't let Lanfear win! "The other Moiraine wasn't pregnant." There had been no baby. It was just a trick! Yet, she couldn't stop her heart from cheering at the thought of carrying Lan's child. Her time with the little Kera had shown her that she wasn't so bad with children after all. And to have one of her own…

"She wasn't, but you carried a child under your heart when you left. You and your husband were a great match."

Lie. Lie. Lie. She is lying. Don't believe a word she is saying. You just have to wait a little bit longer, and then the darkness will fall over you.

Lanfear stepped before Moiraine, placing her hand on her bloody stomach. "Don't you want to meet your baby? I'm sure your Warder would be thrilled. A little heir for Malkier, in case its father dies before he can save his home." Smiling, Lanfear drew a heart with Moiraine's blood on her cut stomach. "I could put it back inside of you. Wouldn't it be nice to be a mother?"

"Is that what you want from Rand?" Moiraine whispered. "A baby? Is that the reason why you slept with him in Cairhien?"

Rage shone in Lanfear's eyes, then the weave of air was back in her hand – hard like a spear – and she pushed it right into Moiraine's stomach. "You play a dangerous game, Moiraine."

Wheezing, the Aes Sedai tried to breathe through the pain, but it was useless. The Forsaken even moved the woven spear to create as much damage as possible.

And then the pain faded. The cold took over Moiraine's entire body, and she felt the darkness pulling at her. Everything before her eyes – even Lanfear – started to blur. It was finally over. One last smile appeared on her lips.

"It's over."

Her eyes closed, and she embraced the darkness thankfully.

Chapter Text

Lan's POV

Lan was ready to strangle someone. For the last hour, he was searching for his Aes Sedai, who had run from him while he had tried to calm Nynaeve. An hour! And he was no closer to finding her than when he had started! Where was she?

"Are you sure she didn't do anything with the bond?"

Nynaeve's question made Lan's blood boil. How many times did he have to repeat himself? Growling, he glared at the Wisdom. He didn't have time to convince her Moiraine hadn't done anything.

Frustrated, Nynaeve threw her hands in the air. "Can you really blame me for asking? We've been running around for an hour now, and still, no sign of her. We turned every stone upside down, but she isn't here."

"She is here," Lan growled, leaving no room for doubt.

"Because the bond tells you she is here. Except that she isn't. She isn't here."

"Lower your voice." Elayne appeared. Lan and Nynaeve had run into her during their search for Moiraine, and she had insisted on joining them. "We don't want the Whitecloaks to find us."

The uncrowned king of Malkier turned his eyes back on the houses while trying to listen closely to the bond. Moiraine was there. He knew it. And he would find her!

A hand touched his arm, turning his attention back to the two women. Elayne had approached him, wearing an apologetic look on her face. "Nynaeve is right, though. Moiraine must've done something to the bond because she isn't here."

"She hasn't."

"You said her emotions haven't changed for the last hour. Has that ever happened before?"

Lan gritted his teeth. Why was everyone trying to convince him that Moiraine had done something? "It hasn't, but-"

"And you also said you felt her using Saidar."

What would Queen Morgase do if he strangled her daughter? Blood and ashes! Even Moiraine would probably not be amused if he strangled her niece. "I felt pain after she used Saidar. I wouldn't have felt it if she had done something by then. And after that, she never touched the source again. Since then, her emotions are… as if they've been frozen. Whatever happened to her, she tried to calm herself. It seems she knew what was coming and tried to make it easier for me."

Nynaeve snorted, then picked up a stone. "Is it possible she transferred the bond to… I don't know. A stone, maybe?"

Lan turned his head. Had Nynaeve lost her mind? Transferring the bond to a stone? Apart from the fact that she knew very well the bond connected two souls, did she really believe he felt the emotions of a stone?

Elayne looked at her friend in disbelief. "Nynaeve… what kind of question is that?"

Growling, the young woman from the Two Rivers threw the stone away. "I don't know! We've been searching for an hour now, and Lan insists that the insufferable woman is here, but there is nothing! I'm tired of running in circles!"

"Then go back to your place and get some sleep," Lan hissed, freeing himself from Elayne's grasp. "And take Elayne with you. I'll continue alone."

"Lan-" The daughter-heir started, but the Malkieri wasn't listening. He stormed off.

What happened to you, Moiraine? Why can I not find you? Why are your emotions frozen? Did you run into Lanfear again? Did she poison you? But the last time, I still felt you, though your spirit was trapped in that other world. Why is it different now?

Lan wanted to smash something. It made no sense to him. The bond wasn't masked, and she was still alive. Had Lanfear taken her somewhere where the bond didn't work? Was it possible Moiraine had disappeared in that area, and that was what he felt? The place where she had been for the last time?

You were married to me?

Light! He wanted to talk to his Aes Sedai. They had been married! He had so many questions. He wanted to know everything about their life - every little detail. Did Moiraine like being married to him? Had they been intimate with each other? Or had the marriage been a disguise for something else?

Stop it, you fool, he scolded himself. First, you need to find her before you can think about all those questions.

"Andra."

Lan cursed inwardly. He was glad Elayne remembered to use his false name when she called him across the street, but he wished she would stop following him. Their… questions were annoying.

"Leave." Of course, they didn't listen. Elayne and Nynaeve caught up with Lan, each taking a place beside him.

"We don't leave you," the daughter-heir explained calmly.

"Yes. I still wish to strangle her. So, she better shows up soon," Nynaeve added.

"Nynaeve," Lan growled in a warning tone, but the Wisdom simply shrugged her shoulder before crossing her arms before her chest.

"Like it or not, Lan, but she and I will have to talk when we find her. Now. Where do we search?"

"You will leave her alone, Nynaeve. It's enough for one day."

"I want to know what exactly happened in that 'other world', as she calls it."

"I said 'no'!" Angrily, Lan and Nynaeve stared at each other.

Why couldn't Nynaeve let it be? It had been so hard for Moiraine to tell him about what she had experienced in that other world. If Nynaeve didn't leave her alone…

"Ehm… guys?" Elayne sounded confused.

"What?" Nynaeve asked through gritted teeth, not taking her eyes off Lan for one second. They were still having a staring contest.

"Did any of you notice the stable before?"

Surprised, Lan blinked. Stable? What stable? When he turned his head, he wanted to rub his eyes. There was a stable before them, just like Elayne had said. A building which hadn't been there a moment ago.

"That's impossible," he whispered.

An hour. They had been searching the place for an hour, and that stable hadn't been there. What was going on?

"Someone hid it?" Nynaeve also sounded confused. "Why should someone hide a stable?"

"The better question is: Who hid that stable?" Lan added. "And how? Did they use the One Power?"

Elayne shook her head. "I didn't feel anyone using Saidar, and I didn't see any weaves. If the One Power was involved… it wasn't a woman who hid it."

Lan wasn't so sure about that. Lanfear had tried to poison Moiraine and had failed. His gut told him that the daughter of the night didn't give up easily. "Unless it was a certain Forsaken who knows how to cover her tracks."

The young woman from the Two Rivers pulled at her braid. "What now? Do we go in? What if it's a trap?"

It was obviously a trap. Stables didn't appear out of nowhere. Yet… The uncrowned king of Malkier took a deep breath and reached out for the bond, following the connection toward his bondholder. She was in there, but that was the only thing he knew. Her emotions hadn't changed, and he didn't receive anything from her. No matter what he sent through the bond, it was like she didn't get it.

Determined, Lan drew his sword. There was no question what he would do. "I'm going in. You stay out here." He made three steps before Nynaeve was by his side, followed by Elayne.

"Absolutely not. I'll go with you." The stubborn Wisdom even mended her pace to reach the stable before him.

"Nynaeve! We don't know what awaits us in there! Stay-" She caught him off-guard when she suddenly turned around once she had reached the doors and bumped into him, covering her mouth with her hand and hiding her face in his tunic. Automatically, Lan wrapped his free arm around her and held her close. "What is it?"

"Light."

Elayne's whisper drew Lan's attention to the daughter-heir. She was pale like a ghost and had also lifted a hand to cover her mouth.

A shiver ran over the Malkieri's back, yet he forced himself to look. There was no body – which was a great relief. But there were countless splatters everywhere and some puddles on the ground – shimmering red – and the smell of copper filled the air. It looked like a butcher's yard. Even without examining the puddles closer, Lan knew that it was blood. A lot of blood.

Something cold grabbed the Warder's heart, squeezing it until he could barely breathe. His Aes Sedai wasn't dead. She couldn't be. He would've felt her death. Maybe she attacked and injured someone else. Maybe that wasn't her blood. Maybe…

"You shouldn't go in there," Nynaeve whispered.

Angrily, Lan pushed her off him. "I'm not afraid."

But she stepped in his way when he tried to move around her. "This has nothing to do with being afraid, Lan. That's a lot of blood. Whoever lost it…" Lan saw how she searched for words to soften the blow, but they both knew what she was thinking. It was hard to believe someone survived the loss of that much blood. Swallowing, Nynaeve repeated, "You shouldn't go in there. Let me and Elayne search for… Moiraine."

"You won't stop me from going in there, Nynaeve. I will find her."

"Lan, I don't want you to-"

"Dear light!"

Again, it was Elayne's voice that alarmed the uncrowned king of Malkier. The daughter-heir of Andor had stepped into the stable while Lan and Nynaeve had been arguing. Now, she stood in front of the fourth horse box on the left, looking even worse than when she had simply seen the bloodbath.

Not Moiraine. Let it be someone else, Lan thought desperately. Let it be someone else – just not her.

And then Elayne rushed into the horse box. "Lan! Get in here!"

The Malkieri barely noticed the Wisdom's attempt to stop him. He only had eyes for the fourth horse box, running toward it while his heart pounded in his chest, and rising panic made it hard to breathe.

Elayne kneeled beside a human body, brushing brown locks aside. Blue spots indicated that the dress had been blue before the blood had changed the color of the fabric. Though it was an insult to call the piece of fabric a dress. It was shredded to pieces and barely covered the bleeding body.

Lan's heart stopped beating. His feet carried him into the box, then gave way beside the person's head. It hadn't been necessary to brush the locks out of her face. Lan would've recognized his bondholder everywhere. Even in that terrible condition, he knew for sure it was her. His soulmate.

His sword dropped beside him, and he reached out to touch her cold cheek. "Moiraine," he whispered desperately. "Wake up. I need you to wake up."

Elayne sobbed beside him, but he didn't care. He only had eyes for the Cairhien woman. Who had done this to her?

"Elayne, get me a blanket."

Apparently, Nynaeve tried to keep the daughter-heir of Andor busy to distract her from her pain. But when the young woman from the Two Rivers kneeled beside Lan and touched his arm, he pulled away from her.

"Don't touch me!"

He knew exactly what she wanted to say and didn't want to hear it. Blood and ashes! He didn't even look at her. His eyes were fixed on Moiraine's sleeping face.

"Lan, she is-"

"Leave!"

"I will not-"

Shocked, Lan pressed a hand on Nynaeve's mouth. Was he hallucinating? But it had looked as if… His eyes widened when Moiraine's chest rose again. She was alive! Moiraine was still alive!

"She's breathing!"

"What?!" Nynaeve had pushed his arm away and stared intently at Moiraine's chest. "That's impossible. She lost so much-" At that moment, Moiraine took another breath. "Blood and ashes!" Quickly, the Wisdom started her examination by searching for a pulse. "I've got a pulse. She really is still alive."

"She is what?!" Elayne had returned with a blanket.

"Don't just stand there! Bring me the blanket!"

Meanwhile, Lan leaned over Moiraine, holding her head in his hands and leaning his forehead against hers. "I'm here, Moiraine. You're going to be alright. Hang on. Do you hear me? You're going to be alright."

"Does anyone see where this blood is coming from?" Nynaeve already examined Moiraine's body. "Light! There is so much blood!"

"Heal her!" Lan begged. "Nynaeve, please heal her!"

The Wisdom gnashed her teeth angrily. "I can't, Lan. I wish I could, but I can't touch the source. It doesn't work like that."

If Nynaeve couldn't use the One Power, there was only one other person present who could. Lan turned to Elayne, who stood beside Nynaeve and still held the blanket awkwardly in her hands, not knowing what she should do now.

"Elayne. You can heal. Please, help her."

"What?" Confused, the daughter-heir turned her head toward Lan.

Blood and ashes! The girl was overwhelmed and didn't know what to do next. Cursing, the Malkieri grabbed her arm. "You need to channel, Elayne. Nynaeve can't touch the source like you. You need to heal Moiraine."

"I… I…" Elayne swallowed hard and looked at her aunt again. "I never healed so many injuries. I can heal one wound, but… so many?"

"She will die if you don't help her, Elayne." It was a lot of pressure, and Lan knew it, but he couldn't just watch Moiraine die. He couldn't.

And Nynaeve didn't agree with him pushing the daughter-heir. Angrily, she slapped his arm. "That is not helping!"

"Please, Elayne." Lan ignored Nynaeve's argument and focused only on Moiraine's niece. "I'm begging you. Please try to save her."

Fresh tears shimmered in the young woman's eyes, then she nodded. Relief washed over the Malkieri, and he let go of Elayne's arm. And then something wet hit the back of his hand. Surprised, Lan noticed a waterdrop. Where did that come from? Was he…?

His hand reached up, touching his cheek and finding a wet trail. It had been a tear. His tear! And he noticed something else. He was trembling. The fear of losing Moiraine let his mask crumble. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, scared at the terrible sight of his strong and powerful Aes Sedai. Should he lose her…

The uncrowned king of Malkier couldn't see the weaves, but Elayne made some kind of hand movements. Exhausted, he leaned his forehead against Moiraine's again while stroking over her hair. He wished he could send her some of his strength through the bond, but something was still wrong with it. She still felt calm, though she was clearly in pain. What had happened to her? What had happened to their bond? Why couldn't Lan feel her properly? Light! Why hadn't he been with her?

"Isn't that a beautiful picture?"

Lan stiffened when he recognized the female voice. So, he had been right. It hadn't been Moiraine's doing that she disappeared. Growling, he grabbed his sword and jumped to his feet, placing himself between the three women and the daughter of the night.

"You!"

Lanfear leaned against one of the wood pillars holding the attic while smiling when Lan pointed his sword at her. "Cute. Your bondholder already tried to kill me with a sword and didn't succeed. What makes you think you will be able to do what she couldn't?"

Angrily, Lan growled and moved closer to the Forsaken. He wanted to kill her for hurting Moiraine. "You did that."

"What?" Lanfear asked innocently. "Oh. You mean your precious Aes Sedai? Yes, that was me. She survived my poison, so I had to get more… creative to let her pay for killing me."

"You look pretty well for a dead woman!" Lan hissed. Hadn't Moiraine suffered enough in that other world?

"Thank you." Lanfear smiled and moved toward the horse box.

Quickly, the man from the Borderlands lifted his sword. He wouldn't let Lanfear get near that box. He didn't believe for one second he could win that fight, but he could buy Nynaeve and Elayne some time to escape with Moiraine. "Not one step closer."

Smiling, the daughter of the night kept coming closer until the tip of Lan's sword touched her chest. It would be so easy to push the sword into her body now. But then what? She wouldn't stay dead, and Moiraine was in no condition to leave that stable yet. No, he had to buy Elayne more time.

"What did you do to Moiraine?"

Lanfear tipped her cheek as if she had to remember what she had done. "What did I do? Well, we had some fun together. Although, she stopped playing along at the end and provoked me until I went a little too far. She lost consciousness and refused to wake up again, no matter what I did to her."

"Why couldn't I see the stable?" Keep her talking. The more she talks, the less she focuses on Nynaeve and Elayne.

Sighing, Lanfear rolled her eyes. "Isn't that obvious? I didn't want you to interrupt our playtime. I knew you were searching for her, and I didn't want you to end my work before I got the chance to finish it."

"That's impossible." Lan gnashed his teeth when he heard Nynaeve's shout. Why couldn't that stupid woman stay quiet?! She should leave the talking to him! "You're a woman. We would've seen the weaves."

This time, Lanfear released a heavy sigh. "Oh dear." She raised an eyebrow at Lan. "Does that child know anything about the Chosen Ones?" When Lan didn't catch the bait, she turned her eyes back on Nynaeve. "I used the True Power to shield this stable from your eyes. You can't see those weaves, child."

The uncrowned king of Malkier cursed inwardly. It was never a good idea to call Nynaeve a child. He had to pull Lanfear's attention back on him before Nynaeve would try to kill her. "Why did you use a weave on my and Moiraine's bond?" He didn't ask if it had been her doing since he knew it hadn't been Moiraine. "I assumed you would enjoy seeing me in pain while I can't reach Moiraine to help her."

Lanfear grimaced, then studied her perfect fingernails. "I didn't want to do anything with it. I would've loved the imagination of you running around out there, desperate to find your precious bondholder, but can't get to her. Doomed to feel her pain while unable to help her." She sighed theatrically. "Such a beautiful image."

Rage pulsed through Lan's veins, and he gripped the handle of his sword tighter. Light! He wanted to cut that woman's throat! Don't forget what's important, idiot! Elayne heals Moiraine. Buy her more time!

Suddenly, the daughter of the night shook her head. "Whatever. Moiraine begged me to place a weave on your bond so you wouldn't feel her pain but still feel the bond. Think about it like... I froze her last emotion before the weave took over, and that's what you felt the entire time."

A weave. Lanfear's weave kept him from feeling Moiraine. And it had been Moiraine's idea. Of course, it has been her idea. She tries to protect me even when she faces a bloody Forsaken. Light, Moiraine! When will you learn you're not in this alone?!

Determined, the Warder lowered his sword and stepped closer toward the enemy, though every cell in his body screamed at him to run. "Undo the weave."

Lanfear raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You want me to undo it? Now?"

"Yes."

"You will be hit by her pain."

Lan took another step. He wanted his bond back – all of it. Moiraine needed his strength to survive. He couldn't help her if that weave stopped the communication. "Undo it." Should he have asked politely? No. Lanfear didn't care about him or Moiraine. It didn't matter if he asked nicely or threatened her. It was up to her current mood if she would do it.

Finally, she shrugged her shoulder. "If that's what you want." She lifted her hand, then stopped. "You're a strange pair, you know? She tries to protect you from the pain, and you ask for it. Would you have asked the same of me? – If I had been torturing you instead of her?"

Lan didn't answer, but his heart jumped at the question. Light! He would've made the same decision. If he could spare Moiraine his pain… Cursing inwardly, the man from the Borderlands realized he couldn't be angry with the Cairhien woman. Not when he would've done the same as her.

"The weave," he asked while bracing himself for the pain.

It was a simple flick of Lanfear's wrist, then Lan's bond got swamped with Moiraine's pain. Gasping, he went to his knees, trying to breathe while his body felt like it was on fire. The pain was everywhere! His sword fell out of his hand because he couldn't feel his hand any longer. Blood and ashes! How did Moiraine endure that pain?!

Chapter Text

Lan’s POV

Lan’s blood rushed loudly in his ears while he tried to breathe through the pain. The pain was everywhere, and there seemed to be no end to it. Light!

He reached for Moiraine through the bond. It was hard to find her – to feel her! – through all the pain, but she was still there, holding on to life while Elayne tried to heal her wounds. How many injuries were left? Was the daughter-heir strong enough to heal the Cairhien woman entirely?

A movement caught Lan’s attention. Lanfear moved around him, aiming for Nynaeve and Elayne. No! Quickly, Lan grabbed the Forsaken’s wrist, stopping her from entering the horse box. He wouldn’t allow her to hurt the three women.

Lanfear said something – at least her lips were moving – but Lan didn’t understand a word. The rushing blood in his ears was too loud. Aching, he pushed himself back on his feet while trying to embrace ko’di. He needed his senses back. Lanfear was smart and would use his weakness.

“… go!” The daughter of the night freed her wrist and glared at him. “Who… think… are?... one… me.”

Her words made no sense, but his hearing was getting better. Embracing ko’di helped against the rushing blood. Hopefully, his tongue was doing better than his ears. “Stay… away… from… them.” Well… it could be better, but at least he was speaking.

Lanfear moved her hand, and suddenly, something wrapped around Lan’s body, lifting him up in the air. Blood and ashes! She used the One Power on him!

“Lan!”

Nynaeve’s scream echoed clearly through the air. His hearing was getting better. Sadly, it didn’t help against his opponent. Lanfear was pissed. Hopefully, Nynaeve didn’t do anything stupid.

“Don’t get… my way. Your Aes… learned that… hard way.”

“Stay away… from them.” Lan wished he could reach his sword, but Lanfear kept him tied up in the air.

“I just gave you your bond back.”

“Because you enjoy seeing me in pain, not because you wanted to do the right thing.” Finally, his blood had stopped rushing in his ears. Moiraine’s pain was still there, but Lan could handle it better with the help of ko’di.

Annoyed, the daughter of the night rolled her eyes at him, then released him. Sadly, Lan’s legs still felt weak and barely kept him upright when he landed. “The right thing. I’m assuming you also want me to clean all that blood I spread everywhere to shock you?”

Lan’s eyes shot a glance at the blood splatters. Blood Lanfear had spread? Did that mean…? “This is not all Moiraine’s blood?”

Lanfear snorted. “All that? Of course not. One single human body doesn’t have that much blood.” The woman moved her hands. All the blood lifted into the air and united in one big ball. After a few more hand movements, the red blood had turned blue – almost looking like water. “See?” Lanfear grabbed a small ball out of the big one and threw it into Lan’s face. “All blood is gone.”

Slowly, the Malkieri cleaned his face with the sleeve of his tunic. If that woman thought a little water would make him angry… at that moment, the big water ball exploded over his head, drenching him completely. Lan stood still and waited until it was over, then looked calmly at a smiling Lanfear.

She was so proud of her prank that she didn’t even care that the water had drenched her own shoes. Gloating, she smiled at the Malkieri until she realized he didn’t react at all. “Really? Nothing?” The Forsaken growled. “I see why you survived being bonded to Moiraine for such a long time. It’s nearly impossible to get a reaction out of you two.”

That comment almost brought a smile to Lan’s lips. Lanfear couldn’t know that Lan was used to nearly being drowned. Moiraine had emptied an entire pond over his head when they first met because he had made a comment about Aes Sedai.

Grumbling, the daughter of the night moved her hands, and the water formed a new ball in the air. She even pulled the water out of Lan’s clothes and hair.

Surprised, the uncrowned king of Malkier watched how the water ball shrunk before his eyes, then Lanfear smashed it between her hands. How did she do that? And why did she dry him?

“See? I can do something nice.” She pointed at the stable. “The blood is gone, and your clothes are dry again.”

Was she serious? Did she really think one – or two – good deeds made him forget about all the bad things she had done? That he would forget about what she had done to Moiraine?

Angrily, the Warder pointed at his unconscious Aes Sedai. “You tried to kill her.”

“She tried to kill me first. I just returned the favor.”

“You already did that when you tried to poison her. She is close to death now.”

Was that guilt in Lanfear’s eyes? Surely, he must’ve misinterpreted it. That cruel woman would never show any guilt over hurting Moiraine. She wanted to see her dead. But that look in her eyes…

And then the Forsaken blinked, focusing on Lan again and looking like nothing had happened. Sighing, she shrugged a shoulder. “Fine. I don’t like her and don’t want her around Rand.”

“She didn’t have any contact with Rand for weeks.”

“No.” Lanfear stepped closer again. “She didn’t have any contact with him in the last two weeks because I trapped her spirit in another world. Otherwise, she definitely would’ve tried to find him.”

“Another world?!” The Malkieri wished he could turn around to tell the Wisdom to shut up, but he had to keep an eye on his enemy. Why was she continuously pulling Lanfear’s attention to her?! “So, it’s all true?! This other world Moiraine mentioned? She truly was in another world?”

The daughter of the night snorted. “You do know that she is an Aes Sedai, right? That they swore an oath not to lie?”

Lan almost smiled when Nynaeve didn’t respond but stopped himself. For days, he tried to calm the Wisdom. Why couldn’t she believe him? Why did it have to come from Lanfear?

“Aes Sedai are masters at twisting their words,” Nynaeve murmured, but there was no fire in her voice. “I assumed she had been dreaming and believed it was true.”

Lanfear laughed. “Oh, you poor little child. It must be hard to share the man of your heart with Moiraine. And to know she was married to him in that other world… it must be frustrating to be around her, seeing her with him.”

Relieved, Lan noticed that Moiraine’s pain was starting to subside. Apparently, Elayne’s healing was working. Now, they had to get rid of Lanfear. It was time to pull their enemy’s attention back to him.

“You got your revenge on Moiraine. Now leave her alone.”

The daughter of the night smiled. “Oh, you’re cute. Do you really think you can tell me when I’m done with my revenge? I decide when it’s over. Until then….” She let her eyes move over Nynaeve and Elayne until Lan blocked her view. “I love seeing people squirm. So, I will tell you a little secret about your Aes Sedai.”

“Nothing you’ll say will make me think differently about-“

“She got pregnant.”

Lan’s eyes widened in shock, and he heard Nynaeve gasp in his back. Pregnant?! No. That was impossible. Moiraine hadn’t been with anyone. Besides, she wouldn’t be so stupid to forget about precautions.

“You’re lying.”

Smiling, Lanfear shook her head. “Ask her when she is awake. She got pregnant – with your child. I guess I should congratulate you. An heir for Malkier. An heir who would continue to fight against the Blight.”

“A baby?!” Nynaeve’s voice pierced Lan’s ears, but he couldn’t focus on her.

The Malkieri’s eyes moved to the unconscious Cairhien woman. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. Moiraine would’ve told him… Growling, Lan shook his head. Lanfear tried to get under his skin, and he played along. “Moiraine isn’t pregnant. We never bed each other.”

“True. The two of you didn’t. But you were married in the other world. And from what I heard….” She laughed and bit her lower lip. “Well, the two of you loved to spend time in bed. You couldn’t take your hands off her once she stopped announcing to be from a different world.”

“That wasn’t me.”

“It wasn’t you but a version of you.” Lanfear stood now close to Lan until their noses almost touched. “Apparently, you two have great chemistry… and your genes are compatible at creating a new life.”

In the next moment, Lanfear got hit by something and flew through the air. Shocked, Lan watched how she hit the ground aching. What was that?

“Get away from him!” Nynaeve appeared at his side. Blood and ashes! Had she used the One Power?! On a Forsaken?!

“Nynaeve, stop!”

“Someone has to stop her!”

“She is a Forsaken! Use your power to help Moiraine now that you have access to it!”

Surprised, Nynaeve looked at her hands. Had she not noticed she had touched Saidar? “I embraced the source.”

“You did. Please, leave Lanfear to me and help Moiraine.”

The Wisdom’s eyes fell on the Cairhien woman momentarily before she looked at Lan again. “Is it true? Is she pregnant?”

Growling, the Malkieri grabbed the Wisdom’s arms. “She isn’t pregnant, and I never bed her. Stop falling for Lanfear’s trick. She is lying.”

“Isn’t it a beautiful imagination? A little squirming worm living and growing inside your Aes Sedai’s womb,” Lanfear chirped happily. She was back on her feet and smiling at Lan and Nynaeve’s argument. “You could be a daddy.”

“You-!” The young woman from the Two Rivers lifted her arms as if she were about to attack the other woman.

The hair on Lan’s arms rose, and a shiver moved over his back. Quickly, he wrapped his arms around Nynaeve to keep her from channeling. She would get herself killed if she didn’t stop attacking Lanfear. “Stop it, Nynaeve!”

“Let go! I’m going to kill her!”

“Can you accept their love?” Light! How could he shut up the daughter of the night?! “I know what it feels like to love a man whose heart is torn between two women. He and Moiraine are together since… what? Ten, fifteen years? So much time to fall in love and to share a bed.” Lan gnashed his teeth. Lanfear was clearly enjoying provoking Nynaeve. “And now, there’s that baby. It’s one of the strongest things on earth that connects two peoples’ lives. I wonder if it helps them to express their feelings for each other more openly?”

“Moiraine isn’t pregnant,” Lan corrected Lanfear. When would that woman get bored with them? “Stop telling us-“

“She isn’t pregnant in this world.” Lanfear didn’t mind sharing her attention between Nynaeve and Lan. “But apparently, she doesn’t mind bedding you. She enjoyed it a lot. The servants couldn’t stop talking about their lord and lady fucking each other. You entertained the entire house.”

“Stop.”

“Nynaeve.” Elayne’s weak voice echoed through the air, breaking through Nynaeve’s rage. “I need your help. You need to take over.” Immediately, the Wisdom forgot about the Forsaken and broke free from Lan’s embrace, rushing to Elayne’s side.

The uncrowned king of Malkier glanced at the women, then turned back toward the daughter of the night. He didn’t like turning his back on her. “Enough with this talk about pregnancy, a baby, and bedding someone.”

“Not just someone. I’m talking about you bedding your-“

“What do you want from us, Lanfear?” Lan interrupted the woman harshly. He wasn’t interested in listening to her nonsense any further. Moiraine didn’t have feelings for him and would never bed him. Right? “You tortured Moiraine. You ensured I was worried sick about her whereabouts. And you provoked Nynaeve. What else do you want?”

Lanfear smiled, obviously enjoying his anger. Then she sighed. “I’m here because Moiraine can’t deliver my message. I wanted her to do it, but I forgot myself, which is the reason why she lost consciousness. Silly, but I can’t change it. And now, I have to deliver the message myself.”

“What message?” The Warder fought hard not to strangle his opponent. She had forgotten herself?!

“Your lover over there needs to allow the Whitecloaks to return to the infirmary for help.”

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. Why should Lanfear care about Whitecloaks at the infirmary? “Why?”

“I will not!” Nynaeve growled. “They kill innocent people!”

“I feel like I had that conversation before,” Lanfear murmured loud enough for Lan to hear, and he didn’t need to ask who had mentioned it. “If you don’t let them back in, they will soon find Rand. Do you want that?”

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn’t dare to turn toward the Wisdom but assumed she was grimacing at Lanfear’s words. Nynaeve would do anything to protect her friends from the Two Rivers.

“Rand is safely hidden. The Whitecloaks have been searching for him for weeks and haven’t found him yet. Why should they find him now?”

“Because now, their focus isn’t split anymore. As long as they look after you and your helpers, Rand doesn’t have their full attention.” And with those words, the daughter of the night turned around, aiming for the doors. “The decision is yours,” she called at Nynaeve, then left the stable.

Surprised, Lan stared at the open doors. Was that another one of her tricks? Why should she leave them just like that? Why didn’t she try to fight them? Why didn’t she try to kill them? Yes, she needed Nynaeve to handle the Whitecloaks, but what about Elayne? And Lanfear hadn’t even tried to stop the girl from healing Moiraine.

“Did she leave?” The young woman from the Two Rivers asked.

“Yes,” Lan responded, then his feet carried him back toward the horse box. “How is the healing going?”

It was Elayne who answered him tiredly. “Nynaeve had to take over. I couldn’t continue. Moiraine’s injuries… she was tortured, Lan. I’m surprised she is still-“

“She’ll survive.” It wasn’t fair to snap at the daughter-heir of Andor, but Lan didn’t want to hear her doubts. He felt through the bond how weak his bondholder was. Sadly, she wasn’t awake to draw from his strength. Lan would’ve given her all his strength if it meant she would live. “She’ll survive.”

For a moment, he considered joining the two women, but giving them room to work was probably better. Moiraine’s health was the only thing that mattered.

“You! In the name of the Light, turn around!”

Lan froze. That couldn’t be true. They just got rid of Lanfear! Why were they now bothered by Whitecloaks? Or was that also Lanfear’s doing? Was that her plan to interfere with Moiraine’s healing?

Nynaeve and Elayne looked at him with big eyes. They also knew what those words meant and that they couldn’t be caught channeling. But how should they explain Moiraine’s injuries?

“Hurry up,” the Warder whispered, then faced the new intruders. Again, it was up to him to stall.

Three Whitecloaks stood in the doors. Lan was relieved when he noticed none of them was a Questioner. “Good evening, sir. How can I help you?”

The man standing close to him did the talking while the other two threw suspicious looks at the horse box behind Lan. Luckily, they couldn’t see anything from their position.

“You entered the stable with two other women. Where are they?”

Blood and ashes! Were the children of the light still following Nynaeve?! Why couldn’t they leave her alone? She had proven countless times that she healed the people with herbs, not with the One Power.

“They are here with me. Is something wrong? Do you need help?”

“I remember him,” the man on the left said. “He is the husband of that unconscious woman who the Wisdom visited daily for the last two weeks. Not once have I seen him leave her side.”

The Whitecloak at the front narrowed his eyes at Lan. “Is that so?”

“That is correct. My wife got poisoned and lost consciousness.”

“And where is your wife now? Why aren’t you with her?”

I want to be with my Aes Sedai, but you guys keep me from being with her. Lan was glad he had his face under control. He couldn’t risk a fight with the Whitecloaks. Light! He just wanted to get Moiraine back to their house!

“My wife woke from her sleep recently, as your men might have heard, good sir. She refused to stay in bed for long and thought she was strong enough to leave the house this morning. Sadly, she wasn’t and left the infirmary without my knowledge. The Wisdom and another helper were so kind to help me search.”

“And you decided to search inside a stable?” The Whitecloak on the right sounded like he believed Lan had tried to have a good time with Nynaeve and Elayne.

The Malkieri’s fingers tingled, and he wished to use his sword on those three. But hurting them wouldn’t solve the problem. So, he decided to stay calm and forced an awkward smile on his face. “Apparently, my wife was too exhausted to make it back to the house and decided to use this stable to lie down. She is in this horse box if you want to see for yourself. The Wisdom takes care of her right now.”

Carefully, Lan stepped back, hoping Nynaeve was done with her healing. If the Whitecloaks saw her channeling or a bloody Moiraine…

The three men followed Lan’s invitation. There was no doubt how eager they were to see Moiraine with their own eyes. The uncrowned king of Malkier had no doubt those men wished to find something suspicious. Something that would allow them to arrest Lan and the women.

But the image before their eyes was disappointing to them. Nynaeve checked Moiraine’s eyes while Elayne pretended to be highly interested in what the Wisdom was doing. The two young women had wrapped the blanket tightly around Moiraine’s bloody body, leaving only the head out. Hopefully, the Whitecloaks didn’t wish to look underneath the blanket.

Nynaeve raised a questioning eyebrow at the intruders. She knew how to handle them since they followed her every step after Lanfear’s attack on Moiraine. “Gentlemen. Is there anything I can do for you? Or do you search for a new horse?”

Lan bit his tongue. It was useless to tell Nynaeve not to provoke those men. She hated the Whitecloaks and didn’t think about holding back at showing her disgust.

“How is the woman?” The man at the front asked, his anger clearly audible.

“She needs to rest. Her body is still weak from the poison.”

The Whitecloaks looked at each other, then nodded. “You come with us, Wisdom.”

Immediately, Lan stepped closer to the horse box. Whatever Lanfear had done to get the Whitecloaks to the stable, the Malkieri would do his best to keep everyone safe. “My wife isn’t doing well. I need the Wisdom’s help to-“

“She just said your wife needs to rest. Take your wife home, and do as the Wisdom says. She can check on your wife in the morning.”

In the morning. So, they didn’t intend to bring Nynaeve to a Questioner. But why did they need her then?

“I’ll go with her,” Elayne announced, and Lan was thankful for her attempt. She knew Lan was torn between helping Nynaeve and getting Moiraine home.

The Whitecloak shook his head. “You return to your home, girl. Our commander wants to talk to the Wisdom, not you.”

Luckily, Elayne knew how to hold her ground. Being raised in a palace had to be helpful against people like the Whitecloaks. “A single woman leaving with three men she doesn’t know? I don’t think so.”

“We are the children of the light!” The Whitecloak was shocked that the daughter-heir suspected them of touching a woman inappropriately.

“You are three men who ask a woman to follow you to your camp so another man can talk to her. What will the people say about those men if they see them escorting the famous Wisdom who had helped so many people in Falme?”

Quickly, Lan lowered his face to hide his smile when he saw how the Whitecloaks fought against their anger. They didn’t like to be ordered around by a stranger.

“Fine. You can join us. Now, get up. Our commander waits for her.”

Nynaeve helped Elayne to stand since the daughter-heir of Andor was still exhausted from healing Moiraine, but Nynaeve wasn’t looking too well either. Lan stepped closer to them. The Whitecloaks wouldn’t allow him to follow or join them once he brought Moiraine home. All he could do was hope they wouldn’t hurt the Wisdom while he took care of his Aes Sedai.

“I need a moment with this man,” the young woman from the Two Rivers explained, pointing at Lan. “He needs instructions on how to help his wife until I check on her in the morning.”

The children of the light growled in anger, but finally, the man at the front nodded. “Make it quick. Our commander doesn’t like to wait.”

Nynaeve snorted. “I got that part.” Then she motioned for Lan to come closer. “You. Come here. Your wife is extremely weak. She shouldn’t have left the house so early. So, get her home and ensure she’ll stay there. She isn’t strong enough to walk outside.” She opened her small bag and pulled out a small package. “If she wakes up tonight, you give her….”

Lan saw how Nynaeve’s eyes moved toward the Whitecloaks, then her entire body language changed. He didn’t need to turn around to know the men had left the stable or were at least out of earshot. Anger shone in Nynaeve’s eyes.

“I’m not joking, Lan. Moiraine is weak. Get her back to the house and stay there.”

“Were you able to heal her?”

“We tried, but when the Whitecloaks arrived…” She pulled her braid angrily and threw another glance at the Whitecloaks. “I healed all visible injuries so there wouldn’t be any new blood that would alarm them. But she isn’t fully healed. Elayne needs to do it again tomorrow.”

Lan nodded. Hopefully, Lanfear didn’t bother them again tonight. He heard the children of the light talking to Elayne and grimaced. “I don’t like letting you go with the Whitecloaks.”

Nynaeve smiled. “I don’t enjoy going with them either. Do you think Lanfear called them here?”

“She wants them back in the infirmary, so… it could be her doing.”

The young woman from the Two Rivers grimaced. “And what do I do? Shall I allow them to return? But then the killing will start again. I can’t just sacrifice others’ lives to protect Rand.”

I will let a thousand innocent people die if there’s even a chance that he will live.

Swallowing, Lan looked at Moiraine. A few weeks ago, she had told him she would let innocent people die to save Rand. But that had been before Lia. Would she still make the same decision?

“I can’t tell you what you should do. It’s your decision. But I believe we will find a way to watch the Whitecloaks at the infirmary to keep them from killing.”

Nynaeve smiled sadly and nodded. Lan saw how she reached out toward him when they heard footsteps approaching them.

“Are you done?” One of the Whitecloaks had returned and didn’t try to hide his anger. “We need to leave.”

The Wisdom took a deep breath. “We’re done.” Again, Lan wanted to place himself between his lover and the enemy, but Nynaeve glared at him, daring him to move. “I’ll see you in the morning, Master Andra.”

“I’ll wait for you… Wisdom.”

Cursing, the uncrowned king of Malkier watched them leave, then rushed to Moiraine’s side. She was still unconscious, and her breathing was shallow.

“Moiraine,” he whispered while stroking her hair lovingly.

He still remembered the pained look in her eyes when he found out about her being married to him. She hadn’t wanted to tell him. But because he had continued to ask…

She got pregnant – with your child.

A shiver ran over Lan’s back. Moiraine. Pregnant. With his child. Lan’s hand landed on his Aes Sedai’s stomach. There was no little baby bump. Nothing that indicated she was pregnant. Lanfear must’ve been lying. Moiraine would never bed him. She wasn’t interested in him.

But she had been so scared to tell him about the marriage. Was it possible she had bed that other version of him? Was it possible she had feelings for him? Had they been so blind all those years not to see that the other one had developed romantic feelings? He always assumed he had been the only one who had developed feelings for his bondholder.

A whimper escaped the Cairhien woman’s lips, pulling Lan from his thoughts. That was not the time to lose himself in his thoughts. He had to get Moiraine back to the house.

Quickly, the Malkieri ensured the blanket was secured around his bondholder before he picked her up and carried her out of the stable. Bloody Lanfear!

Chapter Text

The first thing Moiraine noticed while she awoke slowly was pain. It was everywhere. Her body felt like someone had shredded it into tiny pieces. Groaning, she realized she couldn't move. Something was wrapped tightly around her body. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it kept those tiny pieces from falling apart.

Then, there was the smell. The smell of horses was strong. Had she fallen asleep in the stable? But Lan would've found her. There was no way he would've let her sleep in the stable.

The stable. Moiraine's memories returned all at once. Lanfear, who had wanted Moiraine to deliver a message. The weaves of air, hitting her body and cutting through her clothes and skin. The unbearable pain she had felt whenever Lanfear's weaves hit or stabbed her. And just when she had thought the darkness would allow her to find peace, the daughter of the night had-

Suddenly, her memory blurred. What had Lanfear done to her when Moiraine had wanted to escape into the darkness? There had been something, but the Aes Sedai couldn't remember.

"Breathe."

The soft voice pushed the terrible memories away while a warm hand rubbed over her back. Safe. She was safe.

"I'm here. Take it easy."

Lan. He was there. Aching, the Cairhien woman tried to free herself, but whatever was wrapped around her held her in place.

"Don't move. I will unwrap the blanket in a moment."

A blanket. So that was what kept her from moving. But why did it smell like horses? Was she still lying in the stable? No. Her body felt the mattress underneath her. Lan must've brought her here after finding her at the stable.

Exhausted, she let her eyes wander around. She was back in their house in Falme. So, Lan had found her. Did he save her from Lanfear? But why should Lanfear allow her to live?

You need to tell that foolish girl she has to let the Whitecloaks work at the infirmary again.

Right. Lanfear had wanted her to deliver a message to Nynaeve. A dead person couldn't deliver a message. Angrily, Moiraine gritted her teeth. Did that mean she would see Lanfear again?

Moiraine's pulse quickened when she thought about Lan finding her in that stable. Had Lanfear been there? What had the daughter of the night done to him? Was he injured? Her own pain felt so overwhelming that she couldn't say if he was also feeling pain. Light! She had to shake her fatigue!

"Moiraine, stop. Please." Lan cupped her cheek, pulling her eyes on him. "I'm here."

Blood and ashes! She needed to know what had happened to him! "Are you-" The rest of her question ended in a terrible cough. Her throat felt dry after Lanfear's torture.

Luckily, Lan was prepared and held a cup of water against her lips the next moment. "Drink."

Her throat cheered when the water helped against the dry feeling. It felt wonderful. How could something so simple feel so good?

"Better?"

Moiraine nodded. "Are you hurt?" Her voice still sounded hoarse, but she made it without feeling the need to cough.

"Lanfear didn't hurt me."

Relief washed over the Aes Sedai. She had feared the daughter of the night would hurt her Warder since Moiraine had passed out during her torture. "Good." Her eyes fell on the blanket that was still wrapped around her. "Unwrap me."

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn't hesitate. His hand grabbed the blanket and began to unwrap her. "I prepared a bath for you. You can use one after last night."

A bath. It sounded lovely. But… That weakness in her bones told Moiraine she wouldn't be able to walk. What would happen if she tried to sit in the bath? "I don't think I'll be able to keep my head over water."

The uncrowned king of Malkier stopped in his movements. His thoughts were clearly running, searching for a solution.

"Maybe I could-"

"I'll join you." Calmly, Lan continued to unwrap her as if she hadn't said anything.

A memory appeared before Moiraine's eyes. It had been night. She had been sitting on Lan's lap, with him holding her close to his chest. They had been talking about what had happened to Moiraine in that other world. And Lan had noticed Moiraine couldn't stop rubbing her ring finger.

You were married to me?

How could he suggest sharing a bath with her when he knew about the other world? Surely, he could imagine that being married also meant they had been bedding each other at some point. Or did he assume she had refused to cross that line since they weren't romantically involved in that life?

"I don't think Nynaeve would like that," Moiraine whispered.

Growling, Lan glared at her. "Nynaeve isn't here." He pulled aside the last piece of the blanket, then stiffened when his eyes fell on her body.

Even Moiraine took a deep breath. Her dress barely existed anymore. Lanfear had cut it multiple times with her weaves. The only reason why it probably hadn't fallen off yet was because it was soaked with her blood. Now and then, Moiraine could see some blue spots, but otherwise, the fabric had turned into a rusty red. The blood had dried, so the dress felt stiff.

But the dress wasn't the only thing covered in blood. Her body had also turned red. It would take a while to rub that off. The only thing Moiraine couldn't see were injuries. Someone must've healed her, which was probably the reason why she felt so weak.

Rage filled the Aes Sedai, and she needed a moment until she realized it was her Warder's rage. Lan's hand had tightened around the blanket in his hands while his eyes spoke of murder.

"Lan."

He didn't hear her. His facial muscles moved like he was chewing on something while his anger burned hot in the bond. Did he imagine how to kill Lanfear? Light! He would kill himself if he wasn't careful!

"Lan."

This time, the Malkieri's eyes found hers. If she hadn't known his anger was directed at the daughter of the night, she might've actually been scared of him. His stare was frightening.

"There was nothing you could've done. Lanfear wanted revenge since the moment I pushed Rand's sword through her heart. It's no secret she wants me dead."

"I should've been with you."

"And you think that would've made a difference?" A quiet chuckle escaped Moiraine's lips, then she closed her eyes and shook her head. "It's more likely Lanfear would've killed you immediately before she tortured me."

A scene from the other world appeared before Moiraine's eyes. Lan being held in the air by weaves of air, arms and legs spread aside, while the poison moved through Moiraine's body.

Quickly, the Aes Sedai shook her head. That hadn't been real! She had to get it out of her head! Lan was her Warder and nothing else!

"Moiraine?" Lan's hand found hers, gently moving his thumb over the back of her hand. "What is it?"

"I'd like to stand up." She really needed a bath. Her body was itching from all the blood.

"I'll help you." Lan released the blanket and grabbed her under her armpits to help her into a sitting position.

Moiraine didn't have the strength to pull herself up. It was ridiculous, but she felt like a puppet, moved by the Malkieri. As soon as she stood on her own two feet, they dared to give way, and it was only because of Lan's quick reaction that she didn't kiss the floor.

"Easy," Lan said, holding her close against his chest.

The Aes Sedai almost laughed. Did she look like she could do anything quick? Light. She was in no condition to do anything at all without some help.

"I could use some help to get to the bathtub."

"I won't let go."

Together, they made their way toward the bathtub. Moiraine sighed at the sight of the water. For a moment, she thought about getting in without taking the dress off, but then Lan's hand tried to open the laces of her dress. He had helped her countless times to undress and knew what he was doing.

Soon, the uncrowned king of Malkier cursed when the soaked laces refused to cooperate. "Blood and ashes! Since when is it that hard-"

"Lan," Moiraine said softly.

"Give me a moment. They'll give up soon."

"Lan."

"I know how to do this."

"Lan."

Sighing, the man gave up. "Yes?"

Smiling, the Cairhien woman turned around. "The dress is already ruined. Do you really think you have to be careful?" She almost chuckled when he closed his eyes in realization. "It's not like I'm going to wear it ever again."

A heavy sigh left Lan's lips, then he wrapped her in his arms and brought their foreheads together. "I know. It's just… It felt wrong… I mean, I didn't want to… rip it off."

You were married to me?

Finally, the woman of the Blue Ajah understood her Warder's hesitation. They had seen each other naked countless times over the years, but Lan had to feel uncomfortable with the knowledge of their fake marriage.

"I understand." Moiraine's stomach twisted painfully, though she tried to keep smiling. Light! Lan wasn't her husband! When would her heart and body understand that? "If you just… leave one of your daggers with me, I can take care of the dress while you wait outside."

Immediately, Lan's grip tightened. "I said I'll join you," he growled.

"It's alright. I think I'll manage to keep my head over water now. You don't-"

Moiraine winced at the tearing sound in her back. Shocked, she looked at Lan with wide eyes while he brushed the remains of her dress off her shoulders. The bloody fabric slipped over Moiraine's body and landed on the floor.

"What are you doing?" She whispered, still in shock.

She had given him a way out! He could've left her, but instead… Shivering, the Aes Sedai felt the strong urge to cover herself. She should send him out. Nynaeve would kill her if she walked in right now. The young woman had been ready to strangle her on that wall when she had heard about the fake marriage.

"I said I'll join you," the Malkieri repeated. His hands moved over her back to her hips. "And I'm not changing my mind about that. I will-" He furrowed his forehead when his hands reached her hips, then he moved them over her naked butt. "Moiraine? Where is your underwear?"

Confused, the Cairhien woman tried to remember. Why wasn't she wearing her underwear? She remembered being in the stable with Lanfear, but then… the memory blurred again. What was happening? Had Lanfear altered her memories? Was there something she should remember but couldn't? Light! It was frustrating!

Embarrassed, Moiraine turned her head away. She didn't have an explanation for her situation and felt uncomfortable.

"I'd like to get into the bathtub now."

"Moiraine-"

"The bathtub, Lan."

She couldn't look him in the eye. His questions were palpable through the bond, but she couldn't tell him about the blurry memories. What would he think about her? It was the first time she ever had a problem remembering a situation.

Luckily, Lan didn't ask any of his questions. Instead, he let go of her and pulled off his tunic and belts. Automatically, Moiraine's eyes were drawn toward his naked chest. How many times had she touched it in the last few months? It had been at least months to her. Time had moved differently in that other world. Yet, she remembered very well how she had straddled him and placed her hands on his muscular chest before he-

The uncrowned king of Malkier opened his pants, and the Cairhien woman quickly turned her head away. She shouldn't be looking, even though there was nothing wrong with seeing her Warder in his naked form. But… she shouldn't.

Lan's fingers touched her chin and pulled it gently back to him. "Don't," he said softly. "Don't you ever turn away from me."

Moiraine gulped. "We shouldn't-" She gasped when Lan pulled her against him. Was he trying to kill her?

"You stopped feeling uncomfortable around me a decade ago. Do we really have to do this again?"

Nervously, the Aes Sedai bit her lower lip and shook her head. Usually, she didn't feel embarrassed around Lan. But now? Her trip to the other world had changed a lot. The fake marriage had left her heart and body in pieces, and it was hard to be that close to the Malkieri.

"Good. Then don't turn away from me."

"Nynaeve-"

"Stop using her to push me away." Lan's anger was palpable through the bond. "I make my own decisions. And right now, I decide to join you in that bathtub."

Moiraine didn't know what to say. Luckily, Lan didn't wait for an answer. He picked her up and carried her toward the bathtub before he gently helped her to get in.

The water was warm but not hot. It was nowhere near the temperature Lan usually liked. Moiraine pushed herself back until her back hit the bathtub while the Malkieri tried to push her forward.

"Would you please move to give me some room?"

She knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted to place himself behind her so he could wrap her in his arms. But that would be a terrible idea. Being so close to a naked Lan after her time with her husband….

"There's enough room left."

"Moiraine."

"Do you want to tell me this is not big enough for you?" She pointed at the opposite side of the bathtub.

Sighing, Lan gave up and got into the bathtub, though Moiraine could feel he didn't like her being stubborn.

In the meantime, she opened herself to Saidar. She knew Lan wouldn't complain about the water temperature but also knew it wasn't warm enough for him. So, she decided to increase the heat.

The woman of the Blue Ajah became aware of how weak her body was when Saidar filled her. Every cell in her body was still aching like she wasn't properly healed yet. What did Nynaeve do? There was no scar left on her body. But what was about the internal injuries? Did she heal them as well? Was it even Nynaeve who had healed her? Or had it been Elayne?

It was a simple weave to heat the water, yet it drew a lot of strength from Moiraine. Her vision blurred when she released Saidar, and she didn't have the strength to hold herself upright.

"Foolish woman!" Water splashed when Lan leaned forward to catch her head before she drowned. "What were you thinking?! You barely had enough strength to get to the bathtub, and now, you try to channel?!"

"The water wasn't hot enough," Moiraine murmured tiredly, trying desperately to clear her vision.

"It was warm enough." Cursing, he helped her to sit properly again. "It was unnecessary to use the One Power. Especially in your weak condition."

"I'll be alright." Sighing, Moiraine leaned her head on the rim of the bathtub. Light! She was tired!

"What is that?!" The Warder's fingers moved over the Aes Sedai's throat, and she winced. "It looks like… is that a bitemark?!"

Another memory appeared before Moiraine's eyes. Lanfear, letting her hands move over Moiraine's body. That bloody woman hadn't stopped and even bit and sucked Moiraine's throat. The Blue hadn't worried about the mark since she didn't believe she would survive Lanfear's torture.

Quickly, she brushed Lan's hand away. "Forget about it."

"Forget about it?! Someone sucked on your throat and left a mark. Who did this to you? You didn't have it before we went to the infirmary yesterday, and I don't remember seeing it…" Moiraine saw how Lan's thoughts were spiraling, searching for the one person who could've done that to her. His eyes widened when he found the answer. "No. Lanfear? She did-"

"I told you to forget about it," Moiraine interrupted him harshly. "It's not important."

Lan's eyes lowered as if he could check her body for more marks through the water. "She touched you?!"

Light! He sounded disgusted! Moiraine felt how tears started to burn in her eyes. Why couldn't he stop? "I think I want to have the bathtub to myself." Her voice sounded so quiet.

"What else did she do to you?"

The Malkieri's hands reached out for her to examine her thoroughly, but the Cairhien woman blocked him and crossed her arms before her chest.

"I want the bathtub-"

"What else did she do to you, Moiraine?"

"I didn't ask for her attention!"

Silence filled the room before Lan found his speech again. Calmly, he said, "I don't believe you asked her to touch you. I just want-"

"I heard the disgust in your voice. Don't you think I'm disgusted by myself?"

A curse left Lan's lips, and he rubbed his hand over his face in frustration before focusing on her again. "I'm not disgusted." He reached out for Moiraine, but she blocked him again until he gave up. "I'm not disgusted," he repeated calmly.

"I heard it in-"

"I want to kill her."

Surprised, the Aes Sedai watched how her Warder tried to calm himself. Seeing her covered in blood with her dress barely hanging on to her body… What had he been thinking?

"You can't," she whispered. Light. She wished she could kill the daughter of the night herself. Her hands would love to strangle Lanfear until she finally stopped breathing.

"Do you think I would try to touch you if I were truly disgusted?"

Moiraine opened her mouth, but no word came out. Would Lan touch her if he were disgusted by her? Probably not. Had she misinterpreted his reaction? Was it possible she confused Lan's shock with disgust? Or had she imagined he was disgusted because that was what she felt?

"Can I please touch you?" When he saw how Moiraine moved uncomfortably, trying to press herself further into the bathtub, he lowered himself back into the water. "Alright. How about that?" Slowly, he reached out for her with both hands but stopped in the middle. "I'll wait here until you come to me."

The Cairhien woman swallowed. He would wait for her to make the first step? "What if I don't reach out?"

Lan shrugged his shoulders. "Then I look like a total fool until you leave the bathtub."

New tears burned in Moiraine's eyes. She didn't want him to feel like a fool. He tried to give her space and was incredibly sweet. "Why aren't you disgusted?"

"How could I? You didn't ask for her to use you. Besides, it's just a bitemark." Then his eyes narrowed at her. "Or was there anything else I should know about?"

Moiraine tried to remember what had happened to her, but everything after Lanfear kissed her felt strange. Not one image appeared clear before her eyes until the moment Lanfear started to torture her. Something was missing, and she couldn't explain what she had experienced. There was no doubt Lanfear had done something to her memories.

"I don't know," the Aes Sedai whispered.

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead at her words. She rarely used those words.

"All I know is that she touched me. She kissed me and left that bitemark on my throat." Finally, the tears started to fall, and a whimper escaped Moiraine's throat. She couldn't remember everything from her meeting with Lanfear, but what she remembered had been painful. "And I didn't stop her."

Love rolled through the bond, filling her until she could barely breathe. She saw how Lan's fingers moved. He wanted to wrap her in his arms but respected her wishes not to be touched.

"I have no doubt you tried your best to escape from her, but she is over 3000 years old. I would worry if it's that simple to defeat a Forsaken."

Moiraine shook her head. "I should've fought harder to make her stop. I should've-"

"Could you use your hands?"

"What?" Confused, the Cairhien woman furrowed her forehead. "No. She used weaves of air to keep me from fighting back."

"So, you couldn't move."

"I could not."

"Then how should you have fought back?"

"I…" Her mind was blank. She didn't have an answer! "I should've…" Blood and ashes! Of course, she knew she couldn't have done anything to Lanfear physically, but… "I could've tried to provoke her further so she would kill me."

This time, Lan growled, and his hands flinched again. He definitely wanted to hug her but fought against his instinct. How long would he be able to resist?

"I'm glad you didn't think about that back then," he mumbled. "Provoking a Forsaken is a terrible solution."

A memory hit Moiraine. Lanfear had been offended when Moiraine hadn't appropriately reacted to her torture, and the Aes Sedai had provoked her, hoping Lanfear would end her.

Guilt washed over the Cairhien woman, and she lowered her head. Surely, Lan wouldn't be amused when he found out what she had done to end her life sooner.

A growl told her that the uncrowned king of Malkier knew exactly what her reaction meant. "Moiraine."

"It's what she wants to do anyway. I just tried to get it over with."

Another growl escaped Lan's throat. "Alright. I know I said I would wait, but… I would really like to hug you now."

It was then that Moiraine realized something. Lan respected her wish not to be touched. The man she had thought of as her husband would've wrapped her in his arms without accepting her excuses to hold him back.

Why hadn't she seen it earlier? Her Lan was doing what she asked of him, whether he liked it or not. He wouldn't touch her until she came to him or if she dared to drown, though he wished for her to be close.

Finally, her tears started to roll over her cheeks, and she gave up resisting. Her hands found Lan, and he reacted immediately by helping her to move her exhausted body between his legs. Lan's arms wrapped around her, creating that special safety bubble only he could make. He didn't say anything. He didn't do anything other than hold her and be there.

Moiraine closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax in her bubble.

Chapter Text

They stayed in each other's arms until Moiraine lost track of time. Her eyes were closed, and her mind started to drift away. She wanted to forget about Lanfear, the stable, and what she had experienced. The darkness welcomed the woman of the Blue Ajah, and she went with it. Lan would keep her from drowning.

But when she opened her eyes, she was back at the stable. There was blood on the ground – her blood! – and she was shivering from the cold.

No! Not again!

This time, Moiraine didn't hesitate and ran toward the closed doors. She wouldn't wait for Lanfear to appear. Wasn't it enough?! How often did the daughter of the night intend to torture her? When would it be over? When had Moiraine paid for her attempt to kill her?

Sadly, the doors were closed and didn't open, no matter how hard the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed or pulled. She was caught in another trap. Lanfear wouldn't let her escape.

"Already back for another round?"

With tears in her eyes, Moiraine turned around. Lanfear stood in a pool of blood with a crop in her hands. Immediately, Moiraine's hands flew to her backside. She remembered very well how her enemy had used that crop to punish her backside.

"Go away."

"You returned to this place. It looks like you want-"

"Enough!"

Lan appeared behind the daughter of the night. His sword shimmered in the air, then he cut off Lanfear's head. The Forsaken's body turned into countless black crows, who flew toward the ceiling and disappeared as if the wood didn't exist.

Speechless, Moiraine looked at the Malkieri, who approached her slowly. He looked… younger. There was no grey in his hair, and his face was… softer. How was that possible? Was that another trick from Lanfear? Did she take Lan's form to confuse Moiraine?

"Moiraine." Lan's voice was soft and full of love. A shiver ran over the Aes Sedai's back. She couldn't fight him.

"Leave him out of this, Lanfear."

But the uncrowned king of Malkier sheeted his sword and stopped a few inches away from her. Was he glowing? And why was it suddenly warm? Where did the cold go?

"Moiraine, look at me. This is not real. You're dreaming. Lanfear can't hurt you here."

"Dreaming?" Confused, she looked at the stable. "So, this is Tel'aran'rhiod?"

"No." Lan tipped against his head. "This is your dream, and it's only happening in your head. Lanfear isn't here."

That made no sense. Hadn't she just witnessed how Lan killed Lanfear? "But you killed her."

The uncrowned king of Malkier laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Moiraine couldn't remember hearing Lan laugh so freely.

"Killing a Forsaken? You're flattering me, Moiraine." He smiled at her, and it seemed as if the glow around him grew. "I understand your wish to kill her, but it's hard to end her life. You know that. You tried."

She had. And the daughter of the night made her pay for it ever since. Reluctantly, the Aes Sedai took a step closer to her Warder. He seemed… different.

"Who are you?"

Lan's smile grew. "I'm your Warder."

"If this is a dream… how can you be in here?"

The glowing version of her Warder opened his arms. "I'm not the man who protects you in the physical world. I'm the man you chose to protect your sanity. I protect you from bad dreams, unpleasant situations you encounter, and your worries and doubts so you can continue with your mission."

Her Warder. The man who kept her sane.

"I chose you? Does that mean I created you?"

Lan nodded. "This form. When you bonded a'Lan Mandragoran as your Warder, you gave me this form. You trust him to protect you in any situation."

If he had been with her since the day she had bonded with Lan, they must've met before. This wasn't the first time she was dreaming. Every person was dreaming, though not everyone remembered their dreams. "Have we met before?"

"Countless times."

"Then why don't I remember you?"

"Because this is a dream. When you wake up, you won't remember me."

Moiraine closed the distance, placing her hands on his chest. Blood and ashes! He was warm! "But I want to remember you."

Smiling, Lan cupped her face. "It's alright. All you need to know is that you're safe. You don't have to be afraid while I'm here. And that is something you will remember once you wake up."

The woman of the Blue Ajah threw her arms around the Malkieri and pressed her face against his chest. When he returned the hug, his warmth filled every cell in her body, erasing all the fear and pain Lanfear had planted. She was safe. Even though this was only a dream, Moiraine would always be safe with Lan.

Gasping, Moiraine awoke. Lan's arms were wrapped around her, and they were still sitting in the warm bathtub. How long did she sleep? How much time had passed since she had closed her eyes?

"What happened?" Lan wanted to know. His voice was calm, though she could sense his worry through the bond.

"A dream," Moiraine responded quietly. She felt… lighter in a way. What had she dreamed about? "How long was I…? "

"Only a few minutes. I wasn't sure if I should wake you." He buried his nose in her hair, then asked, "Lanfear?"

The Aes Sedai hesitated. Had Lanfear been in her dream? She couldn't remember. "I don't know. But I don't think so. I feel… relaxed. So, I guess it was a good dream." Then she shook her head to clear her mind. "I should get out of the bathtub."

But when she tried to free herself from the uncrowned king of Malkier, he simply lifted one of her arms to show her it was still covered in her blood. The water had cleaned a few spots, but she was far from clean.

"How about we clean you first before you get dressed again?"

Clean her. Again, Moiraine nodded. But when Lan grabbed a washcloth, her mind was taken back to a moment when her husband had helped her get clean. In the end, he had ended up with his head between her legs, bringing her…

"I'll do that myself."

Quickly, the Aes Sedai took the cloth out of her Warder's hands. Lan's surprise was palpable through the bond. Light! Why hadn't she reacted calmer?! Now, he had to be suspicious of her reaction.

"Why can't I do it? Am I doing something wrong?"

"You're not doing something wrong." Of course, he had to start asking questions. What had she been thinking? She moved the cloth over her arm, rubbing the blood off. How could she calm Lan?

"Okay. When I'm not doing something wrong, I can take over, right?"

"Why don't you just enjoy the water while I clean myself? You need a break."

The uncrowned king of Malkier turned silent, but the Cairhien woman knew his thoughts were spiraling. As fast as possible, she worked on getting rid of the blood. The water already started to turn red.

"Is it because we were married in that other world?"

Moiraine froze. Light, burned that man! Why did he have to mention that?! "I told you to stop thinking about it," she whispered.

Lan's hands moved over her arms to her hands before he took the cloth and continued to wash her arm. "I can't." He was thorough but didn't rush anything. "Ever since I found out about… the marriage, I can't stop thinking about it."

No! He shouldn't think about the fake marriage! The man was in love with Nynaeve. She would be his future queen. Moiraine took the cloth and continued to wash herself. "Well, you should stop thinking about it. It wasn't real. Lanfear created that world to confuse me, and it worked. But now, I'm back and know what's real again. You're just my Warder and in love with Nynaeve. End of story."

Thankfully, Lan turned silent again. She didn't want to discuss her experiences in that other world with him. They had to focus on Rand and the future.

"Do you love me?"

"What?!" Shocked, Moiraine let go of the cloth, which disappeared under water. She must've misunderstood him!

"Do you love me?"

Her mind was racing. Love appeared in different ways, and that had to be what Lan meant. But why would he ask? He should know how much he meant to her. "Of course, I love you. You're my friend, and I-"

"Are you in love with me?"

Blood and ashes! Didn't he hear when she said 'end of story'?! Why did he have to make the situation harder? "I told you this other world wasn't real. Lanfear tricked my mind to confuse me."

Lan's arms wrapped around Moiraine's body again, pulling her back against his chest. "But you believed it, Moiraine. At some point, it seems like you believed Lanfear's lie. You believed you were married to me, which means you must have some kind of feelings for me."

Cursing, the Aes Sedai tried to free herself, but her Warder acted like he didn't notice. "It wasn't real."

"It was for you – for a while. You thought you spent months in that world."

Moiraine closed her eyes. Of course, Lan hadn't forgotten. Why did she tell him about it? "It doesn't matter. It's over now. I'm back, and I know the truth."

"So, you have feelings for me." The woman of the Blue Ajah wanted to scream. "Since when? When did you develop feelings for me?"

"Stop it!"

Again, Lan turned silent, though he didn't let go of her. After a moment, one of his hands moved between her legs, and Moiraine winced. What was he doing?

"Breathe," Lan whispered in her ear.

His warm breath made her shiver, and her body reacted with longing. But he didn't touch her. Instead, his hand returned one heartbeat later, holding the missing washcloth. Gently, the Malkieri took her arm and continued to wash away the blood.

Moiraine let him until he reached her collarbone. Then she reached for the cloth. "I'll do the rest."

But the uncrowned king of Malkier didn't let go of the cloth. "I thought you had become more comfortable around me."

"I did," Moiraine whispered - her voice thick from unshed tears - then added, "I am."

"Then why do I feel like we're back at that time when we barely knew each other?"

Lan was clearly hurt. But she couldn't bear his touch right now. Her body and heart were still missing her husband. Her husband who had looked just like her Lan.

"Please. I don't mean to hurt you. I just… I need more time to forget about Lanfear's nightmare."

Sighing, Lan released the washcloth. "Can I at least stay in the bathtub, or do I have to leave?"

Moiraine thought about it for a moment. It would be wiser if he left, but she didn't want him to. Yet, Lan misinterpreted her hesitation.

"I'll leave."

"Stay." Quickly, she pressed a hand on his thigh to keep him from leaving.

This time, Lan's sigh was louder. "Moiraine, you confuse me. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. So, please, tell me what you need from me."

A tear rolled over her cheek. Light! She didn't know what she needed herself! How was she supposed to tell him?!

The man from the Borderlands noticed immediately she was overwhelmed and pulled her back against his chest. Soothingly, he rubbed her arm. "Breathe, Moiraine. Breathe."

"I don't know what I need," the Aes Sedai cried against his chest. "Everything is so confusing, and I don't know how to make it stop."

"Okay." Lan sounded so calm. How could he stay calm while she was such a mess? "How about we try to figure it out together? – Like we always do?"

Admiration for that incredible man grew in Moiraine's heart. He always supported her, no matter how harshly she treated him. "And how do we do that?"

When Lan took a deep breath, she knew she wouldn't like his answer. "By telling me everything." Moiraine stiffened. When Lan said everything… "Which means I want to know everything that happened in that other world. Every little detail. Every moment. Things you liked and those you didn't. Help me understand what life has been for you so I can give you what you need."

The Cairhien woman rubbed her hand over her face. "You don't want to know everything, Lan."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't. Lanfear made me think we were married. You don't want to- "

"Moiraine." Lan placed a finger under her chin and pulled her face up to him. "I want to know everything."

"You will hate me."

Lan chuckled. "Oh, Moiraine. I could never hate you. I didn't hate you after you pushed me away and handed me over to Alanna. How can you believe I would hate you now?"

"Because I encouraged… I didn't stop… I allowed-"

"Easy," the Malkieri whispered, placing a gentle finger against her lips. "Start from the beginning. I'll listen."

And again, her Lan acted so differently than her husband. He wanted to know more about the other world. He didn't treat her as if she was losing her mind or imagining things. Lan saw that she was struggling with the experiences she had made there and was there to help her.

In the other world, she had been scared to mention her real life since her husband had turned sad – and sometimes even mad – whenever she started.

Her Lan wasn't like that. He supported and encouraged her to talk about her problems. He offered her his shoulder to lean on and his ear to listen to whatever she had to say.

Gratitude for that wonderful man by her side filled the woman of the Blue Ajah. She opened her mouth and allowed the heavy words to leave her soul.

Once she was done with her story, silence filled the room. The water had turned colder, so Moiraine embraced Saidar and heated the water again. Immediately, Lan growled and pulled her hands back.

"You shouldn't weave."

"The water got cold."

"I could've brought new warm water."

"That wouldn't be fast enough. My way is more efficient." Blinking, Moiraine waited until her vision cleared again. Channeling was truly not a good idea. She was still too weak to do it.

"Efficient in warming the water, but not when it comes to your health. You're still weak after Lanfear's torture and the healing." No, Lan was clearly not happy about her weaving.

Sighing, the Aes Sedai took the washcloth and started to wash herself again. Her fingers were already wrinkled, and she was still not done getting rid of her blood. Luckily, her Warder didn't try to take the cloth from her this time or stop her. He simply placed his elbows on the rim of the bathtub and leaned back.

For a while, there was a comfortable silence in the air while Lan was clearly thinking about everything Moiraine had told him. Moiraine was certain he would start with his questions once they had left the bathtub.

"I talked to Lanfear in the stable."

A cold hand grabbed the Cairhien woman's heart and squeezed it. Lan had talked to Lanfear?! Light! Did she hurt him?!

"What did she do to you?" Moiraine wanted to know.

But Lan waved his hand dismissively. "It's nothing you need to worry about. She dropped some water over my head, but most of the time, she used her sharp tongue to provoke us."

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. She tried to remember where she had seen water in the stable, which Lanfear could've used to drop over Lan's head.

"And she mentioned something. About you."

A shiver ran over Moiraine's back. She didn't like that. Her movements slowed, and she moved the cloth more carefully over her skin. "And what would that be?" She was proud that her voice didn't tremble.

"Are you pregnant?"

Of course, the daughter of the night had used that subject to provoke Lan. How did he react when he was told?

"I'm not." Her movements quickened again while she tried to sound amused. "Apart from the fact that I know about precautions to prevent a pregnancy, did you see me bedding a man lately?"

Instead of an answer, the Malkieri took the washcloth out of the Cairhien woman's hands, so she had to turn toward him. His face was serious. He didn't fall for her attempt to be funny.

"You got intimate with that other version of me. Did you think about precautions when you bedded him? Did you drink heartleaf?"

Moiraine's mouth opened and closed, but no word came out. Bloody Lanfear! Why did she have to tell Lan about that nonsense?

"Moiraine?"

"I did not drink heartleaf." Angrily, the woman of the Blue Ajah reached for the washcloth, but the Malkieri kept it out of her reach. "Why do you even ask? It's not like it happened for real. It was a different world, and it wasn't my body. I'm not pregnant."

"Were you pregnant in that other world?"

Frustrated, Moiraine threw her hands in the air. "I don't think so. No one said anything, and I didn't feel pregnant."

"But it's possible that Lanfear told the truth?"

Lanfear and telling the truth. It sounded like a joke. Had that woman ever told the truth? Moiraine felt like she was incapable of speaking the truth.

Lan placed a finger under Moiraine's chin and pulled her eyes back on him. He was calm, sending her his calmness through the bond. "Is it possible you got pregnant from that other Lan?"

"I don't-," Moiraine started, then whispered. "It's possible."

Tears filled her eyes when she saw how Lan took a deep breath while processing her words. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. Why did she burden him with the knowledge of a possible Malkieri heir who wasn't even real?

And then, Lan straightened, placing a hand on her flat stomach. His face was still unreadable.

"Are you mad at me for not being more careful when I got intimate with… him?"

The uncrowned king of Malkier opened his mouth, then shook his head with a sigh. "No, Moiraine. I'm not mad at you. You bed a man who you thought of as your husband. There's nothing wrong with that."

"But it was a version of you."

"I'm thrilled that you can imagine yourself being married to me. You trusted this version of me to take care of you."

Moiraine sighed heavily. Thrilled? Didn't he mean disgusted?

"Do you want a baby?"

The Aes Sedai stopped breathing. That was what he wanted to know? Shouldn't they think about more important stuff? "I don't think this is the time to raise a baby. Our hands are full with guiding the Dragon Reborn."

Lan raised a surprised eyebrow. "But you want a baby – one day."

Blood and ashes! Couldn't they stop talking about that subject?! Moiraine felt like she was drowning. Every word of her made the situation worse.

"None of us knows what the future-"

"Do you want a baby?" Lan wouldn't give up on that. He wanted a clear answer.

"Maybe," Moiraine whispered. "One day."

"Do you want a baby with me?"

Light! That man was killing her! Nervously, Moiraine bit her lip. Her heart jumped at the thought of carrying Lan's child. Lanfear's nightmare had truly changed her. "Maybe." This time, her voice was thick again from unshed tears and even quieter than before.

Finally, Lan nodded contently, pressing his lips against her forehead. Then she felt him smiling. "I wonder what a child of ours would look like."

Moiraine chuckled at his words. Was he serious? Where was that coming from? "That's what you wonder about?"

Lan shrugged his shoulder. "I bet she would have your beautiful locks."

"She?"

"Or he," Lan added with another shrug. "No matter what, they would have your hair."

The woman of the Blue Ajah couldn't believe it. Could Lan really imagine having a child with her? "Why don't you tell me I've lost my mind? We never bedded each other, and you love Nynaeve."

"That doesn't mean I have never thought about bedding you." When Moiraine's eyes widened at his words, he started to laugh. "Light, Moiraine. I'm not blind. I just thought… you were never interested in me."

"Interested?! You were the one who wasn't interested in me!" The Aes Sedai splashed some water at her Warder. "Not once did you show any interest in being more than friends."

Lan stared at her in disbelief. "I tried not to… I didn't want you to… Blood and ashes!" Frustrated, he rubbed his face. "We really need to talk."

A part of Moiraine wanted to say 'yes' but shook her head. "No. You and I will never happen. You have Nynaeve now, and I won't take that from you."

"Moiraine-"

"Forget about what Lanfear said. There is no baby, and when you finally become a father, then Nynaeve will be the mother."

"Moiraine-"

"I will finish cleaning now, and then-"Before she could finish the sentence, Lan pulled her close, pressing his lips on hers. And Moiraine's body reacted.

A small part of her brain registered that she should slap him for doing that to her, but her body didn't cooperate. It remembered her husband's attention and Lan's lips on hers too well. The kiss didn't even feel weird since Moiraine was used to kissing her husband. In a way, her body felt like coming home.

When Lan pulled back, she almost followed to pull him in for another kiss before her brain started to work again. She had just told him they wouldn't cross that line! And now, her body betrayed her like that!

Cursing at herself, she closed her eyes. "You should leave the bathtub."

"Was the kiss that bad?" Lan sounded surprised. "I know I shouldn't have done that without asking, but-"

"Lan, I don't have myself under control right now. If you don't leave now, I don't know what my body-"

"Good."

She felt Lan leaning in on her and opened her eyes when his hot breath moved over her lips. "Good?"

"I don't want you to hold yourself back. You shouldn't run from it if that's what you need."

"This isn't about needs. My body is still confused because of that fake marriage."

Lan's hands found her waist under the water. "But not mine. I'd like to kiss you again."

"That's not a good idea," Moiraine whispered. What should she do? "You're with Nynaeve."

"My heart belongs to two women, and there's nothing wrong with that, nor will I apologize for it. The Greens have multiple Warders, and no one says anything. Alanna loves both her Warders, and you don't think less of her, do you?"

Lan nodded when Moiraine shook her head. "Good. Now, may I kiss you?"

She still hesitated. Nynaeve would kill her if she found out about the kiss. She hadn't been happy when she heard about the fake marriage. Moiraine could only hope Lanfear hadn't mentioned the possible pregnancy to the Wisdom. She would have to watch her back until the day she died if the girl knew Moiraine had bedded a different version of Lan.

"Don't think about anyone else. What do you want, Moiraine?"

What did she want? The Aes Sedai's eyes fell on her Warder's lips. She wanted… she wanted… Before she could change her mind again, Moiraine leaned forward and captured Lan's lips. They were as soft as the ones of her husband.

For a moment, Moiraine's brain scolded her for being selfish, but she ignored it. She wanted to be greedy. Besides, Lan had told her he wanted it too. So, it couldn't be wrong. And he had been her Warder first, right? A kiss couldn't hurt. Or could it?

Chapter Text

Moiraine didn’t know what had gotten into her. It was as if she had turned off her brain, letting her body lead. And Lan’s body reacted. Twenty years. They had been bonded for twenty years, and not once had they gotten intimate. How could one terrible nightmare change so much? Lan was her best friend. Shouldn’t it feel weird to kiss him?

The Malkieri’s hands were still placed on her hips, but he tried to pull her closer. Moiraine hissed when a sharp pain moved through her body. Immediately, Lan let go of her.

“Did I hurt you?”

The woman of the Blue Ajah held her breath while pressing her hand against her side. Light! That was painful! Although no injury was left on her skin, she remembered very well how Lanfear had pushed the weave of air into her.

“Nynaeve healed me?”

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. “Yes. She and Elayne.” Then his eyes widened. “Nynaeve mentioned they couldn’t fully heal you.” Immediately, he tried to lift her. “I’ll send someone to get Elayne. She can give you another healing and-“

“Lan.” Calmly, Moiraine placed a hand on his chest to stop him. “If Elayne healed me last night, she will probably feel as weak as I am and won’t be in no condition to heal me.” When Lan didn’t respond and only grimaced, he gave her all the answers she needed. “Let’s wait until Elayne feels strong enough again to give me another healing. This way, I can also regain some of my strength to accept the healing.”

“Because healing weakens you,” Lan said when he remembered, rubbing his hand over his face. “Blood and ashes! How do we help you now?”

Moiraine bent her body aside and grimaced when pain shot through her body. Yes, she was definitely not fully healed. She shouldn’t move too much. “Give me a moment until the pain fades.”

Attentively, the uncrowned king of Malkier watched her, not moving at all. Only his chest moved up and down while he breathed calmly. “And then what?”

“There isn’t much we can do. Healing is the only thing that will help me because the injuries are inside my body.”

She heard Lan cursing and smiled. It was no big secret that her Warder hated to see her in pain. Doing nothing while she dealt with invisible injuries… was hard for him.

Luckily, the pain reduced to a dull throb, and Moiraine relaxed. “I probably should wash myself now so I can leave the water before I have to channel it warm again.”

“How can I help you?”

“By leaving the bathtub.” When Lan furrowed his forehead, Moiraine almost laughed. “I don’t know how often I’ve tried to finish washing myself now, but I have that weird feeling that I will never get there if you stay in here.”

Realization moved over the Malkieri’s face, then he smiled. “Does that mean I’m distracting you?”

“Is that a question, Lan Mandragoran?”

The Aes Sedai’s heart beat faster when her Warder leaned in on her, bringing his soft lips closer to hers. “Will you feel pain when I kiss you again?”

She hesitated. They shouldn’t kiss anymore. She shouldn’t allow it. But the Malkieri’s boldness affected her. He was an amazing kisser. Quietly, she said, “We shouldn’t-“

The rest of her sentence got stuck in her throat when Lan moved even closer. His warm breath moved over her lips, though he didn’t dare to kiss her.

“I would really like to kiss you again.”

Light, burn him! Why does he have to be so-

It wasn’t hard to close the distance. Moiraine’s body reacted while her brain was still cursing at the uncrowned king of Malkier. How could he put her in such a situation?

The kiss was just as good as the other two, making Moiraine long for more. She wanted to feel his hands on her body. His talented fingers would play with-

Gasping, the Cairhien woman pulled back, pushing Lan away from her. Luckily, Lan played along. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to push him away. “Get out,” she whispered. They needed distance. Being close wasn’t good for them.

“If that’s what you wish.” Lan sounded disappointed but obeyed. He lifted his handsome body out of the bathtub.

Quickly, Moiraine pulled back her hand when she almost touched his penis. He wasn’t fully hard yet but obviously enjoyed their time in the bathtub. Gulping, the woman of the Blue Ajah turned her head aside and closed her eyes. It was already inappropriate that she had kissed her Warder. But staring at his penis? Nynaeve would have her head for that.

“You can look again,” the Malkieri said, amused.

Moiraine didn’t comment on that. Instead, she picked up the washcloth and went back to washing herself. She had to get rid of all that blood.

Once Moiraine was done washing herself, she tried to get to her feet. Sadly, her body reminded her that she was still weakened by Nynaeve’s healing and the blood loss. Additionally, her body screamed with pain when she moved too quickly, and she caught herself on the rim of the bathtub, preventing herself from falling.

“Is it really so hard to ask for help?”

Lan appeared beside the bathtub, only wearing a pair of smallclothes. He reached for her waist, but Moiraine blocked him.

“I don’t need help.”

He growled in response but didn’t try to touch her. Yet, his hands stayed in position in case she dared to fall.

“Lan, I mean it. Turn around.”

“I do a lot of things, Moiraine, but not that. You’re in no condition to leave that bathtub without hurting yourself. Now, will you let me help you, or do we have to discuss this further?”

Frustrated, the Aes Sedai bit her lip. Her naked body would be pressed against her Warder’s if she allowed him to help her-

Lan’s eyes moved from her face down to her dripping breasts, and she blushed. “Fine!” Immediately, the man’s eyes returned to her face. “Help me out of here.”

Smiling, Lan grabbed her waist and lifted her before lowering her carefully until her feet hit the floor. Her wet body moved against his muscular chest, and she shivered. Insufferable man! He had no idea what he was doing to her! Or maybe he did. His big smile told her he knew exactly what he was doing.

“I’ll get you a towel.”

Moiraine was impressed that he didn’t try anything else. No kiss. No touch. Shivering, she crossed her arms before her chest. It was another sign that her body wasn’t doing well. Maybe they should call for Elayne.

“Moiraine?” All amusement was erased from Lan’s voice when he returned. Instead, she felt his worries through the bond. “Light! You’re trembling.”

Quickly, he threw the towel around her shoulders, then started to dry her. His hands moved over her arms, breasts, butt, and legs, but there was no lust coming through the bond. It felt as if he was drying cleaned dishes. No one would’ve believed he had enjoyed kissing her a moment ago if they had seen him now.

“Let’s find you something to wear.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Carefully, Moiraine made her way back to their beds while Lan was already going through her clothes. They had bought new clothes when they realized they couldn’t leave Falme because of the Whitecloaks.

Finally, the Malkieri pulled out a fresh underdress. But when the Cairhien woman dropped the towel and reached for the underdress, Lan froze.

“What is it?” Moiraine asked in confusion.

Lan stepped aside. His eyes were locked on something at the height of her hip. Or was it something on the floor? What was wrong with him? When his hand reached out for her, Moiraine tried to step aside, but Lan’s fingers still found her. He touched her hip, begging her to turn aside, then his eyes became cold. Moiraine shivered when she saw the change in him. The uncrowned king of Malkier wanted to kill someone.

“You said she kissed you.” Even his voice was cold. “And that she left the bitemark. But that….”

Confused, Moiraine turned her head to see what he was talking about. When she saw the red stripes on her butt, a memory of Lanfear pulling the crop over Moiraine’s backside returned. Apparently, Nynaeve and Elayne had healed every cut but left the bruises untouched – if they even noticed them.

Lan’s fingers moved over the stripes, and the Cairhien woman winced. She wasn’t in pain, but her cheeks burned in embarrassment. Quickly, she threw her hand back, pushing Lan’s hand away.

“Stop.”

“What did she do to you? Did she spank you?” The Malkieri pulled her hand away to have a better look while his other hand examined the injury. “Light! She was thorough.”

“Lan, stop.” Again, the Aes Sedai tried to cover her butt, but her Warder was already moving to her front.

“What else did she do to you? First, a bitemark, and now, that?” His eyes moved over Moiraine’s naked body, searching for injuries.

Although she knew she didn’t have to be ashamed, the woman of the Blue Ajah couldn’t help herself but crossed her arms before her chest. “Please, stop.”

But Lan’s eyes kept searching. “I will kill her for what she-“

“Stop!” Moiraine took a step back, and Lan finally stopped rambling. His shocked eyes locked with hers. He hadn’t expected her outburst. Light! She didn’t want to think about Lanfear’s torture! Why couldn’t they enjoy the moment? “You want to know what Lanfear did to me?” Her cheeks burned with shame, and she had to lower her eyes to the floor. She couldn’t look at him. “At first, Lanfear wanted to have some fun, so she left the bitemark before moving on to torture me.”

“Moiraine-“

“She used a weave of air to hit me. The weave was created specifically to cut through my clothes and my skin to draw blood. Sometimes, she turned the weave into some kind of dagger or spear to create more damage and pain. Especially when I provoked her.”

Blood and ashes! She felt sick. Her stomach twisted and turned at the memory of Lanfear’s torture, but she couldn’t stop talking. It was like a gate had opened with her first word, and now the memory spilled out of her.

“Moiraine-“

“And when I refused to play along during her torture, she became creative and used a crop to punish me.” A quiet laugh escaped Moiraine’s throat. “She thought I had never been punished before. That silly woman didn’t know how often I had been punished as a Novice.” Something wet rolled over her cheeks, and Moiraine needed a moment until she realized they were her own tears. “It wasn’t the first time that my butt was on fire, but she kept going until-“

Suddenly, Lan was there, wrapping his strong arms around her and holding her close. “Enough.”

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. Enough? Rage filled the Cairhien woman’s veins, and she needed a moment until she realized it wasn’t her rage. Lan didn’t seem to like what she was telling him, though he tried to suppress the rage. “You wanted to know-“

“Forgive me. I forgot myself when I saw those injuries. I didn’t mean to upset you or to feel forced to tell me everything.” Lan pressed a kiss on her hair. “Light! I really want to kill that woman!”

More tears escaped the Aes Sedai’s eyes, and she pressed herself closer to her Warder. Safe. She was safe in his arms. Lanfear couldn’t reach her. Not here.

“Come on. Let’s get you dressed.”

“Don’t let go,” Moiraine whispered. She didn’t want to lose that feeling of safety.

“Just for a moment. I don’t want you to get cold.”

It was hard to let go of him, but Lan stayed true to his word. He pulled her underdress over her head and covered her shivering body. After that, he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

Moiraine didn’t protest when Lan pulled the blanket aside but growled when he hesitated to join her. After a moment, the Malkieri nodded and slipped under the blanket with her. Although he wore less than her, he was still warmer, and she snuggled up against him.

“Better?” He wanted to know while stroking her hair.

“Much,” the Cairhien woman answered, releasing a content sigh.

She didn’t want to think about Lanfear anymore. There was no doubt the daughter of the night would come for her again, but not now. First, Nynaeve would have to let the Whitecloaks back into the infirmary. Once Rand was safe, the Forsaken would return her focus on killing Moiraine again.

“Is it alright if we talk about that other world again?”

Lan’s voice pulled Moiraine out of her half-sleep. She hadn’t noticed she had started to drift into sleep. Murmuring, she asked, “What do you want to know? I told you everything.”

“I would like to know what that other version of me did that made you change your mind about your feelings for me. What did he do that you allowed him to touch you intimately?”

“Lan….”

“I’m curious.”

“Why do you want to know?” When Lan didn’t answer and simply pressed another kiss on her hair, all of Moiraine’s senses went wild. “Lan? Why do you want to know?”

“Because I would like to know what you like.”

What she liked? Confused, the Aes Sedai lifted her head. Surely, her Warder didn’t mean… At that moment, Lan closed the distance and pressed his lips on hers. Blood and ashes! Moiraine’s lips opened willingly when she felt Lan’s tongue carefully asking for entrance. She was lost.

Her entire body reacted to Lan’s taste. It was as if she had never left the other world. Her breasts ached for his touch, so she pressed them closer against his chest to feel him. Meanwhile, her core started to pulse in anticipation.

Pain exploded in Moiraine’s side, and she hissed. Simultaneously, Lan let go of her. Guilt filled the bond. He hated hurting her.

“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Light! She really needed another healing! And she should be more persistent in turning him down. “We shouldn’t do that.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier groaned. “How can this be wrong when we both want it?”

“Because this never happened before Lanfear sent me to that other world. Once my body recovers-“ Moiraine coughed when the First Oath cut her off. Blood and ashes! She would recover from that fake marriage! Why shouldn’t she?!

“True. This never happened before, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“Lan-“

This time, Lan kissed her to cut her off. “There is nothing wrong about this, Moiraine.”

Moiraine swallowed, then cupped his cheek. “I can’t, Lan. I….” She sighed heavily. “My body needs to recover, and I… I need to think.”

It was a relief when the uncrowned king of Malkier nodded. Light! What did she expect? That he would force himself on her? Lan wasn’t like that. He would never treat a woman so badly.

Lan smiled and brushed a loose lock behind her ear. “I can wait.”

He was so sweet. “Can you… can we… please just… lie here? – Without moving?” Moiraine’s eyes went to his lips, and she had to swallow again. “Or kissing?”

Smiling, Lan pulled the blanket up, then wrapped an arm around her waist. “Am I such a bad kisser?”

“Lan,” Moiraine growled. Why did he have to tease her like that?

Chuckling, he pressed a kiss against her forehead. “Rest. I’m here.”

Relieved, the Aes Sedai closed her eyes. She was safe. Now, it was time to give her body time to heal and regain strength.

A growl made Moiraine open her eyes. She hadn’t slept much but rather dozed a little. Lan was still by her side, his arm wrapped around her waist and his nose in her hair. She felt through the bond that he wasn’t sleeping. But where did the growl come from? Or did she imagine it?

As if her body wanted to scold her for thinking she was hallucinating, her stomach growled loudly. Blood and ashes! Her body craved food!

“Are you finally ready to eat something?” The uncrowned king of Malkier murmured.

“Finally?” The Cairhien woman wanted to know tiredly. She didn’t know what the man was talking about.

“Well, I tried to talk you into eating something a few times now, but you refused to let me leave.”

Surprised, Moiraine lifted her head. “I did?”

“Hmm,” Lan hummed in amusement. “You wrapped your arm around me, mumbling something inaudible.”

He was right. Her arm was still wrapped around his waist, keeping him close to her.

“Oh.”

Her stomach released another angry growl, so Moiraine let go of her Warder. What had she been thinking? If Nynaeve… Shocked, she froze.

“Was Nynaeve here?”

The uncrowned king of Malkier laughed. “Trust me. You would know if she came by. I believe everyone in Falme would know if she saw us together in bed. Especially when we consider the fact that I’m barely wearing any clothes.”

Moiraine gave his chest a gentle pad. “In that case, I suggest you get dressed and find us something to eat.”

Suddenly, Lan turned serious. “I didn’t intend to leave the house. We have a few berries left and-“

“Berries won’t fill your stomach.”

Lan growled. “We try to feed you, not me.”

“And you think I can eat while watching you starving?”

“I don’t starve. Unlike someone else in this house, I always empty my plate.”

Annoyed, the Aes Sedai glared at her Warder. “Either you get something to eat for the both of us, or I won’t eat.”

The uncrowned king of Malkier didn’t like that answer. His facial muscles moved like he was chewing on his anger.

Moiraine knew he tried to find out how serious she was. Sighing, she tried to reason with him, “I’m not a child, Lan. Go. Get us some food before my stomach lures Nynaeve to our house.”

There was still no movement. “I don’t feel good about leaving you here.”

“The sooner you leave, the sooner you’re back. Then you can continue arguing with me about the amount I consume.”

Finally, the Malkieri gave up and left the bed to get dressed. The Cairhien woman couldn’t resist and let her eyes wander over Lan’s strong legs and his butt. How many times had she watched her husband leave bed to get dressed? Except that he had been completely naked, and she had had a great look at his firm butt.

Her heart ached at the memory, and Moiraine quickly hid her face in the pillow. Lan was not her husband! He was her Warder! When would her heart understand that?!

“Moiraine?”

Of course, Lan had felt the pain. Moiraine cursed herself for not hiding it better while simultaneously enjoying the feeling of his gentle hand on her back. “I’ll be alright.”

“Moiraine-“

“If you keep stalling, I will have to get something myself.”

“I’m not stalling. I’m worried.”

“I’ll be alright,” the woman of the Blue Ajah whispered.

There was silence for a moment, then the Malkieri asked, “Can you say that to my face?”

Growling, Moiraine turned her head, but Lan pressed his lips on hers before she had time to take a breath. Insufferable man!

“I told you not to turn away from me.”

“I shouldn’t-“ Another kiss silenced her.

“Never, Moiraine.” When she didn’t respond, Lan smiled at her. “Would you feel better if I watched you getting dressed?”

This time, the Cairhien woman couldn’t resist and rolled her eyes. Then she threw her end of the blanket over his head. “Idiot.”

Lan acted quickly and rearranged the blanket to cover his head and Moiraine completely. Then he pressed a kiss on her belly. “You just have to tell me if you want more privacy to have fun with me. I don’t mind kissing you under a blanket.”

“Don’t!” Quickly, the Blue pulled the blanket between them to keep the man from the Borderlands from touching her. “Leave!”

Smiling widely, he stole another kiss from her. “Keep your eyes on me.”

“I will not watch you while you get dressed.” When Lan opened his mouth, she pushed him backward before trying to move her aching body out of bed. “How about-“ She had to hold her breath when a wave of pain washed over her. Light! She needed someone who could channel!

Lan acted quickly and helped her into a sitting position. He looked like he wanted to kill someone. All humor was gone and replaced by his worries about Moiraine’s health. He placed the blanket around her shoulders, then rushed toward his pants. “I’ll find us something to eat and send word to Nynaeve.”

“She won’t be able to touch the source,” Moiraine whispered. “We’ll need Elayne or Egwene.”

“Then I’ll send for them, too. I don’t care who of them shows up, as long as they will help you.”

Smiling, the Aes Sedai turned her head. Her Warder had finished putting on his pants and reached for his tunic. She had no doubt he would find someone who could help her.

Suddenly, the door opened, hitting the wall with a loud bang. Moiraine jumped to her feet, reaching for Saidar, while Lan forgot about his tunic and grabbed his sword.

Two women rushed into the room like they owned the place. Two very familiar faces, which made Moiraine’s eyes widen. Before her stood an angry Siuan Sanche, accompanied by her Keeper of the Chronicles. The Amyrlin Seat had arrived in Falme!

Chapter Text

Lanfear's POV

Absentmindedly, Lanfear moved the glass in her hand, letting the red liquid move in circles. Her thoughts were at that stupid stable where she had tortured Moiraine. It hadn't been her plan to pleasure that little Aes Sedai, but her body had liked the idea of touching the little Aes Sedai, longing for intimacy.

For weeks now, she couldn't visit Rand since the other Forsaken had an eye on him, and she didn't wish to cross paths with Moghedien again. It was almost a month since she and Rand had been intimate, and she was frustrated.

But Moiraine couldn't give her what she needed. And Lanfear had realized she had gone too far when she had raped the woman. The little Aes Sedai was a strong woman, but rape changed people, and Lanfear liked their current situation. It was fun to play with that woman, which was also the reason why she had erased Moiraine's memories about Lanfear raping her. No, Moiraine didn't need to know about what Lanfear had done to her. It was time to stop trying to kill her. There were other ways to play with the Aes Sedai.

For example, there was the knowledge about that baby. The lover of Moiraine's Warder would surely give her hell after the baby news. It was a shame Lanfear hadn't thought about saving the unborn child. Why hadn't she thought about the possibility of using it against her enemy?

Because you thought Moiraine had finally died from your poison. You didn't expect her to survive it.

The daughter of the night grimaced. It was useless to think about what could've been. Moiraine's baby was dead. She could only torture the woman with the knowledge of a possible baby. But that wouldn't stop the Aes Sedai from getting in Lanfear's way. No, that woman was too focused on her mission.

Sighing, Lanfear took a sip of her wine while letting her thoughts roll. What could distract that annoying little Aes Sedai so she would stop being after Rand? Everyone had something to get distracted, but what could make Moiraine…

"Mistress." A Whitecloak appeared in the door. Immediately, he fell to his knees and lowered her head. "Forgive me my intrusion, but I don't have much time. The Amyrlin Seat herself has arrived in Falme."

Lanfear's eyes widened. She had thought to kill the man before her for entering without permission, but now, she straightened, placing the glass of wine beside her. "Speak!"

"I don't know much. Apparently, the White Tower heard about the Children of the Light saving Falme from the intruders and that we never left. I was told the Amyrlin brought countless Aes Sedai with her. She is talking to the commander right now. They want to help the injured ones, and some heard she demanded us to leave."

Cursing, Lanfear stood up and started walking up and down the room. The Amyrlin Seat. So, someone had healed her after Cairhien. Blood and ashes! She should've killed that woman when she had the chance!

A piece of paper caught Lanfear's attention, and she stopped to pick it up. It was a copy of the official announcement from the White Tower. The announcement, which declared Moiraine and her Warder as Darkfriends. Surely, the Cairhien woman didn't want to be seen by her sisters.

But the daughter of the night could slip back into her role as Miasa, selling Moiraine and her Warder to the Amyrlin. The little Aes Sedai wouldn't be able to escape her sisters and be occupied for a while.

Smiling, Lanfear turned to the Whitecloak, who was still kneeling on the floor. "Stand up." The man obeyed immediately. "You will take me to the Amyrlin Seat."

"Mistress?" The man was clearly confused about her request.

"You will inform her that I have information about the Darkfriends she is searching for."

"You mean the Dragon?"

Annoyed, the daughter of the night moved her hand. A weave of air wrapped around the man's throat, squeezing it until he was gasping for air. His fingers tried to grab the invisible weave – a useless attempt.

"You talk too much, though you're supposed to listen."

"For… give… me,… Mis… tress."

She kept the weave in place a little bit longer before releasing the man. "As I said, you bring me to the Amyrlin, announcing I have information."

The Whitecloak lowered his head, but Lanfear saw how he licked his lips nervously. He wanted to ask her something but was scared of her reaction.

"Is there anything else I need to know?"

"No, Mistress. I just wondered… don't you risk exposing yourself to the Amyrlin?"

Lanfear laughed. The man was worried the Amyrlin could catch her? Yes, Siuan Sanche was a powerful channeler and would bring powerful Aes Sedai with her, but none of them were a threat to one of the Chosen. Yet, Lanfear touched the One Power again, changing her form into that of the helper, Miasa.

Siuan Sanche had seen Lanfear's face in Cairhien. She would remember the daughter of the night, and Lanfear needed the other woman to believe her when she told her about Moiraine's whereabouts.

"The Amyrlin Seat will not know who she is talking to. She will see a simple woman who needs the money she has promised. Nothing more."

The Whitecloak swallowed, then nodded. "Of course, Mistress. When do we leave?"

Lanfear grabbed a cloak, then left the house. "We leave now." It was time to distract Moiraine by sending the Amyrlin and her sisters after her.

Moiraine's POV

Moiraine forgot how to use Saidar when she looked into Siuan's eyes. A small part of her was aware she was still holding the One Power, but she couldn't do anything with it. All she could see was her lover, who also held the One Power. Her lover, who had used Moiraine's oath against her in Cairhien. Her lover, who had declared Moiraine a Darkfriend because she had pulled the wrong conclusion.

It was foolish to hesitate. Siuan had had time to prepare for her meeting with Moiraine. She wasn't shocked like the Blue. The Cairhien woman noticed her mistake when she saw the Tairen woman channeling.

Immediately, her fingers started weaving a protection shield, but it was too late. Siuan's shield hit her, cutting her off from the One Power before she had a chance to finish.

"No," the woman of the Blue Ajah gasped. Not again! Hadn't she already suffered enough? Why did she have to be shielded again?!

"Moiraine!"

Pain rolled through the bond, but Moiraine couldn't focus on it. She had spent months without the One Power, believing she had been stilled. Why was Siuan doing that to her?

"Moiraine Damodred-"

"Take it off," the Cairhien woman interrupted her lover without even realizing Siuan had tried to say something. Tears shimmered in her eyes while she could barely breathe. "Take it off, please."

The Amyrlin hesitated for a moment and even licked her lips, but then her face turned cold, and she straightened. "Moiraine Damodred. You have been accused-"

"Take the shield off!" Moiraine didn't care what Siuan had to say. She didn't care about the tears rolling over her cheeks or her inappropriate tone. Some would probably even call it a threatening move how she took a step closer toward her lover. It didn't matter to her. "Please! I won't touch Saidar. I won't try to fight. Just take it off!"

Siuan's face became harder. "I will not. You have been accused of being-"

"Please!"

Moiraine wanted to reach out for the Tairen woman, but suddenly, she could barely breathe and felt pain through the bond. Immediately, her eyes searched for Lan and widened when she found him.

The uncrowned king of Malkier was on his knees, and Leane was standing before him. Weaves of air kept his arms stretched aside as if they were tied to the floor, and another weave strangled him slowly.

"Stop."

Moiraine's voice was nothing but a croak. The pain… She took a step toward Leane to break her concentration when she felt something wrapping around her ankle and keeping her foot in place. The Cairhien woman landed hard on her knees. Pain exploded in her body, blurring her vision momentarily. She could even hear her blood rushing in her ears.

"Stop, please."

"You brought this over yourself."

Moiraine only had eyes for Lan, trying to reach out to him while her foot was tied to the floor. "She kills him." Was Siuan even listening? Did she not see what Leane was doing to Lan? Someone had to stop her! "Make her stop. Please."

Finally, the Amyrlin addressed her Keeper of the Chronicles, "Leane. I want them alive."

"He fights against my weaves, so he is doing this to himself," Leane responded calmly.

Lan was fighting? Finally, the Cairhien woman saw the strained muscles of her Warder. He was fighting against Leane's weaves. Why didn't he stop?

"Lan. I need you to stop fighting." Lan's eyes found hers, and she saw the rage in them. He didn't like what she suggested. "Lan, please. Leane won't stop until you lose consciousness."

He had heard her. She knew he had. Yet, she saw how he still tried to free himself. The weave around his neck tightened until even Moiraine's vision started to blur.

"Lan." How bad was it for him when she was having trouble breathing? The Aes Sedai could barely speak.

The uncrowned king of Malkier looked at her, then all tension left his body. He gave up the fight, though his blood was still boiling with rage. Giving up wasn't something he liked.

Leane moved her hand, and the weave around Lan's throat disappeared. The Warder didn't gasp or show any signs he had been troubled by Leane's attack.

"Good choice, Gaidin," the Keeper of the Chronicles said coldly. "You wouldn't have won that fight."

"Guards!" Siuan's voice cut through the air, and four armed men stepped through the door. "Bring those two back to the camp."

The weave around Moiraine's ankle disappeared when two of the men grabbed her arms to pull her up roughly. Another wave of pain rolled over her, and she groaned.

"She needs healing!" Lan growled. "And you could at least allow her to dress properly!"

The guards stopped, waiting for Siuan's response. Moiraine saw how her lover gave her a quick look, then shook her head. "I won't fall for this charade. I shielded but didn't attack her. And I don't see any injuries. Moiraine is fine. Her tears don't work on me."

"It's not a charade! She got attacked last night, and-"

Siuan moved her hand in Lan's direction, and the other two guards gagged the Malkieri before he could continue to explain.

"As I was saying," the Amyrlin said, unimpressed. "I won't fall for it. You will be questioned at the camp, and we will get the truth out of you there. And for your clothes… well, neither of you will get the chance to pick up a weapon to attack us. Your current clothes will have to do so far."

Lan protested, but his words were muffled by the gag. No one understood a word he was saying, and Moiraine couldn't turn her head around. The two guards pulled her through the door out on the streets of Falme. How did Siuan find them?

Moiraine felt terrible when they reached the camp of the Aes Sedai outside Falme. The guards weren't gentle, and her body remembered very well how Lanfear had tortured her. What was happening inside her body? The pain didn't fade no matter how much she tried not to move too much, which told her that her injuries were getting worse. She needed a Yellow Sister who was willing to heal her.

Additionally, her feet were also in pain. Siuan hadn't allowed them to put on their shoes, so they had to walk through the streets barefoot. How could she look at them and see Darkfriends?

A few times, Moiraine's legs had given way, but the guards had continued to drag her onward. Lan's anger had been palpable through the bond, but the Aes Sedai could do nothing to calm her Warder. She couldn't even look at him since the guards had kept him behind her. And it didn't get better once they reached the camp.

Apparently, they had been expected. It seemed like every Aes Sedai in camp watched how the guards brought Moiraine and Lan in. There was disgust on many faces, though not every Ajah was present. There were many Greens and Reds and a few Blues and Yellows, but the other Ajah's were missing. How many sisters did Siuan bring?

And then Moiraine recognized different faces. Nynaeve, Egwene, and Elayne stood between two Greens with their heads down while the Wisdom pulled angrily at her braid. So, they had been found as well. Nynaeve's eyes widened when she saw Moiraine, then closed the distance.

"She is injured!"

Moiraine heard Siuan sighing beside her. "She is shielded, child, but not injured."

Addressing Nynaeve as a child was always a bad idea. Moiraine wondered if Siuan intended to provoke the young woman from the Two Rivers.

"You didn't injure her, but that doesn't mean she is doing well. Use your eyes. Does a healthy woman look as pale as she does?"

"She is a Darkfriend who didn't expect to be caught."

"Darkfriend?! She is no Darkfriend! She needs healing!"

Elayne stepped closer, though she used her calming voice. "Please, Mother. Nynaeve tells the truth. My aunt got-"

"We will question you three after we are done with Moiraine and her Warder," Siuan interrupted the daughter-heir rudely. "Until then, you will change your clothes and get assigned to different Aes Sedai who will keep an eye on you until we have the chance to talk to you."

"What?!" Nynaeve wasn't happy about that announcement. "You can't be serious!"

The daughter-heir of Andor tried again to reason with the Tairen woman. "Mother, please. We're not-"

"Daughters? Take care of those three." Three Greens grabbed the younger women and led them toward different tents. Nynaeve did her best to work against the sister holding her but had to give up when the Warder of the Green Sister came to her aid. In the meantime, Siuan moved on, "Now. Where is that woman who gave us the information?"

"That would be me, Mother."

Moiraine turned her head toward the voice and froze. That couldn't be true! A quiet Miasa stood between two red sisters, her head lowered and her hands neatly folded before her.

Lanfear!

"Good." The Amyrlin approached the disguised Forsaken without showing any fear. "You stayed true to your word and delivered those Darkfriends. I thank you for helping us with our search."

Miasa – no, Lanfear! – bowed formally. "It was luck that I overheard their names, Mother. Anyone would've informed you if they had known."

Luck?! That bitch had sold them to the White Tower on purpose! Was she hoping the Aes Sedai would kill Moiraine?

The Cairhien woman shivered when she remembered how Lanfear had used her weaves of air to torture her. Not for information but for fun. What had she now planned? Was another sister a Darkfriend, working for Lanfear? Or was Liandrin there?

Siuan begged a guard closer, who carried a big bag that probably contained the promised money. "As promised. Your reward for your information, Daughter."

"You are very generous, Mother." Lanfear bowed again before she accepted the bag.

"You did me a great favor by informing me."

Lanfear turned her eyes at Moiraine, who tried not to show her fear. "I'm just glad you were able to catch her. I'm still shaking when I imagine what they may have done to those poor patients at the infirmary. We had a few suspicious deaths over the weeks." Lanfear pointed at Moiraine. "A Tairen woman died while she was giving her food."

Moiraine gnashed her teeth. Lanfear knew very well that it had been the Whitecloaks who killed those people. And now, she tried to make her responsible for Lia's death?!

Black dots appeared in Lanfear's eyes before the Aes Sedai could say something. Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. What was that? Was Lanfear doing something? It couldn't be Saidar or every Aes Sedai would notice her channeling. Was she using the True Power? But what was she doing?

"Don't worry about that, Daughter," Siuan said sharply. "I'll find out the truth about what they did."

The black dots in Lanfear's eyes disappeared, and she faced Siuan again. "Of course. Thank you, Mother. May the Light shine on you."

"And on you, Daughter." Then the Amyrlin turned her attention toward Moiraine's guards. "Get her to my tent. I will start with her." She took another turn. "Bring Lan Gaidin to the other Warders. They will watch over him until we will question him."

Moiraine heard Lan's muffled protest while her guards pulled her away, but it was as useless as his prior attempts. He couldn't free himself or prevent being separated from Moiraine.

The woman of the Blue Ajah tried to follow Lanfear with her eyes, but the woman was soon out of sight. What was she planning?

The tent of the Amyrlin was the biggest of all, and the guards pushed Moiraine onto her knees once they reached the middle. The woman of the Blue Ajah didn't fight back. She had no strength left to fight. All she wanted was a sister who could heal her.

But it seemed like she would have to wait longer for that healing. Siuan took the seat behind her desk while Leane placed herself beside the Amyrlin. The Tairen woman was still holding the shield over the Cairhien woman, which kept her from channeling.

And then two other sisters entered – a Red and a Green. Moiraine only saw the color of their clothes from the corner of her eye but didn't lift her head. She didn't dare to move.

"You can leave now," Siuan told the guards. "We'll handle her."

Handle her. Moiraine shivered at the cold voice of her lover. Would they still her? Would they give her a chance to defend herself, or was her fate already sealed since Siuan had announced her as a Darkfriend? Did Siuan hate her so much that she would allow them to still her?

"So, the information of that woman was correct." Moiraine cursed inwardly when she recognized Tsutama's voice. What was a Sitter of the Red Ajah doing in Falme? "I can't believe Moiraine stayed in Falme after everyone heard about that man calling himself the Dragon Reborn. It was only a matter of time until Aes Sedai would appear."

"Well, I assume the Whitecloaks made it hard for her to leave the city." Another familiar voice. Faiselle, Sitter of the Green Ajah. "I guess that's the first time someone can say the Whitecloaks have been of help."

How many Sitters had joined Siuan on her journey to Falme? Were they all here to get rid of the Whitecloak army or to gentle Rand?

"I hope you didn't intend to start without me." Another woman entered the ten. Anaiya, Sitter of the Blue Ajah. "Moiraine is still from the Blue Ajah, so one of us should be present."

Leane straightened. "I'm also from the Blue Ajah, Anaiya. So, there is someone-"

"Oh, please." Anaiya waved at the Keeper of the Chronicles. "You're still a Blue, but your main concern is the Amyrlin, not another sister."

A small spark of hope filled Moiraine's heart. Was it possible that Anaiya was there to help her? Did she believe Siuan's accusation?

Footsteps appeared, then a fourth woman entered. She wore the typical yellow of the Yellow Ajah. Anaiya smiled at her. "I allowed myself to inform Magla about Moiraine's arrival."

Siuan pressed her lips into a thin line. "There is no need for a Healer, Anaiya."

"Magla is a Sitter of her Ajah and deserves to witness Moiraine's questioning. And should anything… unexpected happen, we already have a Healer by hand."

The spark of hope grew in Moiraine's chest. If Anaiya had prepared to bring a sister of the Yellow Ajah, she had to be on the Cairhien woman's side. Why else should she prepare herself to keep Moiraine alive?

"Do we need to wait for more sisters, or are we done?" Siuan asked in an annoyed tone.

"I believe every Ajah in camp is represented by a Sitter now, Mother," the Blue Sitter responded sweetly.

Let the questioning begin, Moiraine thought, feeling her stomach twist painfully. What would they do to her?

Chapter Text

The tension in the Amyrlin’s tent was almost palpable. Moiraine felt the eyes of the Sitters on her back – they had created a circle around her – while Siuan and Leane covered the front. The shield was still in place, keeping Moiraine from reaching out for Saidar. She hated that feeling. It reminded her of the time when she thought she had been stilled. At least this time, she could still feel Lan through the bond. He had embraced ko’di, which made it hard to feel him. What was he doing? What did the other Warders do to him?

Sadly, Lan’s presence didn’t help against the pain. Moiraine’s body was still not good. She didn’t know what she had done to worsen her condition, but she needed a healing – soon.

“Moiraine Sedai.” Leane stepped forward. Apparently, the questioning had officially begun. “You have been accused of being a Darkfriend.” Moiraine snorted but didn’t get the chance to respond. “Since it is known that Aes Sedai, who swore themselves to the dark, can break the three oaths, you will use a Ter’angreal to speak the truth.” The Keeper of the Chronicles opened a wooden box and pulled out something that looked like the oath rod.

Moiraine’s eyes widened. Siuan had brought a Ter’angreal with her? But she couldn’t have known that Moiraine would be in Falme. Why would she bring it?

“This Ter’angreal makes you speak the truth while you hold it. You will not let it go while we ask our questions.”

“I didn’t break the three oaths.”

“Be quiet!” Leane’s voice was cold. “You will only speak when we ask you something.” The Keeper of the Chronicles approached Moiraine, then embraced Saidar to activate the oath rod.

Moiraine gritted her teeth. Why couldn’t they see that she wasn’t a threat? Begging, she turned her attention to Siuan. “Please, Mother. I swear I won’t attack any of you with the One Power. Just drop the shield. Please.”

“The shield stays as long as I think it’s necessary, Daughter.”

Did Siuan hesitate? Or was Moiraine imagining things? Light! How could she convince her lover that she was no Darkfriend?

“Moiraine Sedai. Swear the oath to speak only the truth.” Leane handed the oath rod to Moiraine.

Grimacing, the Cairhien woman grabbed the oath rod. Immediately, weaves of air and spirit moved around her arm until it hit her chest, wrapping around her heart. “I, Moiraine Sedai, swear to speak no word that is not true.” Leane nodded, but Moiraine wasn’t done. “Just like I have always done since the day I swore my oaths for the first time and became an Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah.”

The Keeper of the Chronicles growled at her. “You were only asked to speak the truth. Nothing more.” She moved her hand, and a weave of air hit Moiraine’s backside.

Hissing, the Cairhien woman moved uncomfortably. Her butt wasn’t ready for another punishment after Lanfear’s thorough attention. She had to be careful with her words if she didn’t want her butt to be on fire.

“Remember just to speak when you have been asked. And only answer the question and nothing more, or your butt wishes you had held your tongue.”

She couldn’t twist her words. Why couldn’t she speak what she had to say? It would be so much easier if they would just listen to her.

“Moiraine Sedai.” Siuan finally spoke. “How many Darkfriends live in the White Tower?”

“I only know about one. And that would be Liandrin Sedai.”

Tsutama hissed behind Moiraine. “Of course, you’re aiming for the Red Ajah! It’s no secret that the two of you never got along! It’s ridiculous that you think anyone will believe that lie!”

“I can’t lie, Tsutama,” Moiraine responded without turning around. “Liandrin has broken her oaths. She kidnapped Nynaeve al’Meara, Egwene al’Vere, and Elayne Trakand and tried to sell them to the Seanchan.”

“The Red Ajah would never-“

“I don’t say the Red Ajah was behind that. The girls only mentioned Liandrin.”

“Then they’re lying! Liandrin never showed signs of working for the dark. She even tried to help Nynaeve al’Meara with her block. Why should she do that if she planned to sell her?”

Siuan waved her hand, and Tsutama turned silent. “We’ll figure out the truth about Liandrin later. I will question her about the girls disappearing, but right now, we focus on you, Moiraine Sedai. Who else is a Darkfriend except for you and Liandrin Sedai?”

“I’m not a Darkfriend, and I don’t know any other sister who is sworn to the dark.”

“You had help from other Aes Sedai when you escaped from Cairhien. Give me the names of those sisters who helped you to leave the city without my permission.”

Blood and ashes! Moiraine licked her lips nervously. She couldn’t sell out Verin and Alanna! They were no Darkfriends! Their only mistake had been to be Moiraine’s friend!

“Their names, Daughter!” Siuan wasn’t patient.

“They’re not Darkfriends, Mother,” the woman of the Blue Ajah said quietly. “They simply did what they thought was-“

Leane’s weave moved through the air, flicking against Moiraine’s ear. At least it wasn’t her butt. But the look in her eyes told Moiraine it was only a warning. “You have been asked a question, Moiraine Sedai. Which Aes Sedai helped you to escape from Cairhien?”

They already know about Verin. So, there shouldn’t be a problem if I give them her name. Hopefully, she had hidden herself well.

“Verin Sedai helped me to escape from the palace. Her Warder had found a hidden Waygate, which I used to leave Cairhien.”

“We already know about Verin,” Leane growled. “She tricked me into taking the young man’s shield. Sadly, she and her Warder escaped while the rest of us searched for the Amyrlin.”

So, Verin hadn’t been caught. That was good news.

“Who else helped you?”

Moiraine bit her tongue. Light! She couldn’t tell them about Alanna. “Who else? Do you think I needed more help to escape from the city where I grew up?” The woman of the Blue Ajah tried to smile, but it didn’t feel right. Would her sisters believe her?

Leane hesitated and turned toward Siuan. Moiraine didn’t dare to look at her lover. Siuan would need one look to know the truth.

“I don’t need anyone’s help to find the best hiding spots in Cairhien. I walked through those streets for years, and-“

“Leane asked you a question, Daughter.”

Siuan obviously didn’t fall for Moiraine’s distraction attempt. Blood and ashes!

“As I was saying. I don’t need anyone’s help-“

The Amyrlin sighed in annoyance. “Leane.”

Moiraine had a second to brace herself before Leane’s weave hit her back, spreading fire over her body. Luckily, no sound crossed her lips. Light! That burned!

“I will ask you one last time.” The Tairen woman wasn’t ready to move on. “Who else helped you in Cairhien?”

There was no use in distracting Siuan. The woman knew her too well. Instead, Moiraine lifted her chin and looked her lover straight in the eye. She wouldn’t give up Alanna’s name.

The two women stared at each other for a moment, then Siuan sighed again. “Leane.”

Moiraine closed her eyes, waiting for the impact of Leane’s weave. She would endure the pain.

“That is a questioning, Mother. We are not here to torture Moiraine.” Anaiya had stepped in before Leane’s weave could hurt Moiraine.

“Moiraine refuses to give us the names of other possible Darkfriends, who-“

“Is she really a Darkfriend?”