1 - 20 of 55 Works in Auto-Responder | Lil Hal/Jake English
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Jake English makes a terrible mistake when he decides to fly out to meet his online friend...... who just so happens to live with his mysterious older brother.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,392
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 6
- Hits:
- 83
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Your name is JAKE ENGLISH, and you've received a robot from your best bro, Dirk, as a way to celebrate your THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY. You believe that it's capable of great things, or at least you Hope so.
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Pelican Poems by gossamerautachiria
Fandoms: Homestuck, House of Leaves - Mark Z. Danielewski
15 Jul 2025
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Jake English is a new home-owner in sunny Virginia, and Dirk gets a call to help him with a bit of a construction issue. A new crawlspace in his home he assures him he's never seen before. His Autoresponder tags along.
Non sum qualis eram.
(House of Leaves AU. Knowledge of the book isn't needed as it's more of a character study in a different location than anything.)
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Whoever said omegas don’t get territorial was a fool. This is the third time this week that Hal has pinned Dirk to the floor, bite marks peppering Dirk’s neck and arms. It doesn’t help that Hal is in heat, eager to be bred, and Dirk isn’t far behind him.
Jake uses this as an opportunity to teach Hal that there are consequences to biting his brother.
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The Line Between Your Heart and Your Mind Is Growing Thinner by taciturntestament
Fandoms: Homestuck
13 Mar 2025
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Sometime in the future, Hal finds himself standing in a seemingly abandoned city on Earth C with no memory of how he got there.
He presses on, but when his memory eventually returns to him in full, he'll be left feeling more fractured than before.
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Alien Adoptions and AI Affections by DavekatInTheYearOfOurLord2024 for ME MYSELF AND I
Fandoms: Homestuck
17 Dec 2024
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(⚠️THIS STORY IS ON HIATUS⚠️)
This isn’t a shocking reveal to Dirk. If anything, he’s just confused why his brother wouldn’t tell him this in the first place. Dirk wonders how much Dave and Karkat have been hiding from him, if something so arbitrary as deciding to adopt a troll baby has to be a secret.
DIRK: Why were you hiding that from me...?
DAVE: because were only doing it if karkat recovers from his surgery
DAVE: ive always been kinda unsure about the whole grubby insect baby thing
DAVE: but its karkats dream yknow?
DAVE: to raise a wiggler of his own and provide a family to a baby trollKarkat (29) and Dave (46) Vantas-Strider, now married, are finally ready to adopt a wiggler of their own.
But Dirk (18) hardly has time to bond with his alien nephews when the AI version of himself, Hal, is ruining his life.Dave ♥︎ Karkat
Kankri ? Cronus
Dirk ♥︎ Jake
Rose ♥︎ Kanaya
Hal ♠ Jake
Dirk ♠ EquiusSeries
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In which Dirk Striders Auto-Responder needs to put his indistinguishability to the test.
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AR lives a strange existence. What with being trapped in a computer where his closest companion is another version of himself. At times, AR feels like a pet waiting for the attention of his master. AR needs to feel like he’s in control. He wants nothing more than for Dirk to surrender to him and only him. Surrender his attention and surrender his body. AR's plans to get Dirk under his thumb are shaken up when Jake starts fooling around with Dirk, forcing AR to be their captive audience.
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Hal has Dirk right where he wants him. Little does he know that Dirk and Jake have something else in mind.
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Jake finds himself in a situation with 6 Dirks in one room.
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Six months into a corporate-sponsored research mission into the unexplored reaches of deep space, Jake English has grown listless - until he by chance sparks a relationship with the ship's enigmatic engineer, Dirk Strider. Together with Captain Crocker, Doctor Lalonde, and the ship's autopilot Hal, the crew of the Hemera must navigate social conundrums, survive peril galore, and perhaps even discover the true purpose of their voyage.
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As a system, I have to deal with a lot of things most people don't. One of those is the fact that Hal, one of my alters, really fucking likes writing out his fantasies riddled with select picks from his massive fucking kink list. They're actually not that bad, and he convinced me to post them despite mostly using this account for venting and such.
Aside from this part of the summary, assume any notes / chapter summaries / comment replies are from him.
DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT.
[Writing Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4JJiewtEI1bduwFMDhtaoG?si=uptYZJZPSzaA8K3P6lChzA]
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When Dirk dies after an aneyursm, Hal and Jake have difficulties coping. Jake drinks to forget, and eventually Hal can't handle drunk Jake and his own grief - so he turns that into anger.
“I’m not him, Jake! I can’t fucking- I can’t fix you. Dirk is gone and you don’t get to pretend he isn’t anymore. I can’t be Dirk, and every time you try to tell me I am it fucking hurts. There’s nothing left for you here. If Dirk was the only person that filled a void in you, there is nothing left to make you whole.” -
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Not one gay man, but TWO gay men. Love, Lovelovelove blahh.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,040
- Chapters:
- 1/2
- Kudos:
- 10
- Hits:
- 173
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Hal goes home with a stranger and ends up with more than he bargained for. Jake learns that it’s a lot easier to lose control of himself than he thought.
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"But a dam breaking happens slowly, and then all at once. Little cracks that spiderweb outward across brick and concrete and stone, tiny jets of water warning of the impending crash - and then it bursts, a flood, rushing out with all the speed and fury a bottled river can muster. When you came to love them, you did so the same way - slowly, subtly, holding it back, and then all at once in a great rush."
Or, Dirk loves with an intensity that hurts him - but also keeps him going. At least until he can enter SBURB and see them for real.
Series
- Part 13 of 15 Short Fics Under 2k Challenge
- Part 6 of Everything Dirkjake
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dirks be like "i will replicate my mind into a neural network and overlay it on a fleshlight equipped with wifi because i give reasonable, minimal-effort gifts to the people i love"
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I. THE FIRST EARTH, centuries beyond advance. Civilization has come and gone; now displaced into the stars. Lost amid the rust and refuse of a forgotten place, only two creatures remain: a Titan and a spaceman, both victims of drastically different (albeit similarly tragic) crash accidents. One of them is stuck. The other wants to go home.
The God Engine indulges the curiosity of a planet-bound cosmonaut, in its own peculiar way.
II. THE MEGALITHIC EMPIRE OF DERSE has been poisoned by the whims of its childish king-emperor. The land heaves under the crushing weight of the purple church. A mercenary prince puts together an army of errant knights to overthrow the throne.
But then, despite Dirk’s best interests, he gets attached to his newly-acquired page boy.
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Things are not always as they seem.
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For the first thirteen years of your life, you lived alone on a concrete island in the remains of a post-intergalactic war Earth.
For the past three years of your life, you have lived inside a pair of glasses.
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Dirk has to run from his friends that are acting weird, and figure out how to get away from them and survive. Overcoming past problems and having to face new ones how will he handle this new loop life threw at him as he realizes that not only is he in a doomed timeline but that there's no escape from it or from his friends hunting him down.