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  1. 49

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    A great wit once said that a man wishing to rule over his fellows must first learn how not to be good. In the beginning, Vetinari thought this was the easy part.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,302
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    191
    Bookmarks:
    49
    Hits:
    1,853
  2. 10

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    One blustery morning, a short note arrives on Downey's desk that says: Patrician. Sektober 13. Soon after Vetinari receives an old newspaper clipping about the death of a colleague's father that occurred forty years ago. It doesn't take long for things to go a little wahoonie shaped with a dead girl in a tree, a two hundred year old mystery, and a creature stalking the streets of Ankh-Morpork.

    Of course, throughout all of this, Vetinari is fending off unsolicited advice from his aunt (buy a lint roller!) and begins to worry that he might be developing an approximation of something like maybe feelings, for a limited value of feelings, for one Master of the Assassins Guild.

    Naturally, nothing is every entirely straight forward and some families have old secrets.

    --
    Note: The title is an anagram.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    81,334
    Chapters:
    24/?
    Comments:
    200
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1,712
  3. 31

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    Summary

    Everyone dreams.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,875
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    334
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    3,028
  4. 62

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    Summary

    In honour of Dracula Daily, but the horrific bloodsucking monstrosity will have to deal with class-full of disc's most lethal fratboys instead of one (1) lawyer.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,028
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    83
    Kudos:
    340
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    2,119
  5. 62

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    Loki decides to conquer a lower-tech world. The Disc reacts in its own inimitable fashion.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,277
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    466
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    4,484
  6. *

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    “A woman,” Roberta Meserole had said once, lighting a long black cigarette with a silver lighter, “hides in plain sight. Visibility, Haveline, is our most important asset—”

    She looked up. Around. “Haveline,” she said, “that is not funny.”

    --

    or, how Ankh-Morpork acquired its first female Patrician very, very quietly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,630
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    50
    Kudos:
    893
    Bookmarks:
    212
    Hits:
    6,705
  7. 15

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    Summary

    The following are excerpts from the working memoir manuscript of Lord Downey, Master of the Assassins' Guild.

    The contents of this particular excerpt include the Incident of The Murder Flat [working title] and some musings on growing up during the height of the Quayside Killer.

    The Patrician would like it known that anyone who uses any of the names assigned to him in this work, not counting his birth name, could become very intimately acquainted with the Scorpion Pit.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,299
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    112
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1,400
  8. 12

    Words:
    121,254
    Works:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    12
  9. 11

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    Summary

    Over the winter holidays of his second year in the Assassins' Guild, Havelock Vetinari meets Leonard of Quirm and his family. He's never met anyone like Leonard, and while this is not the type of social connection his aunt is always urging him to make, it might be a very beneficial one.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,717
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    72
    Kudos:
    64
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    751
  10. 16

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    Summary

    Above the mask his eyes crinkled with what Roberta knew to be a grin. “Thank you for reminding me about the socks.”

    “A small touch, but vital nonetheless.”

    [There are many ways to be a man.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,700
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    351
  11. 7

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    Summary

    Guildmaster Crucible of the Jeweller's Guild thinks he’s clever. Propose a holiday honoring Sam Vimes’ infamous ancestor—the regicide Suffer-Not-Injustice Vimes—and watch the upstart Duke of Ankh squirm under the reminder that his family tree has blood on the roots. But when Vimes doesn’t get angry—instead offering to help plan the event, the other Guild members remember what a seemingly cooperative Vimes is capable of, and swiftly withdraw any support.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    973
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    148
  12. 2

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    Summary

    For a moment- a treacherous, subconscious moment, wholly outside his control- he imagines hands he recognises reaching towards him. The promise implicit: believe, and you shall be cured of your pain. For blind faith and complete obedience, I will make you the perfect subject, healthy and hale and useful.

     

    A woman claims to have visions of a King, and to, through him, heal the sick. Vetinari is neither a king nor healed. This is a problem.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,338
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    131
  13. 5

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    Summary

    This is a story about Assassins, dogs and werewolves. Also about love, teaching, city, caffeine and a resourceful secretary. Not necessarily in this order, not necessarily all in major roles.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,264
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    66
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    468
  14. 9

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    Summary

    A collection of report cards for students of the Ankh Morpork Assassins Guild between the years 1966 and 2011

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,132
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    539
  15. 11

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    Summary

    When a spell from a student at the Unseen University goes wrong and causes chaos in Ankh-Morpork, Commander Samuel Vimes is forced to confront his feelings for a certain tyrant...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,194
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    133
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    976
  16. 3

    Summary

    I might and might not have a lot of headcanons about our known and rarely-ever-inbooks Master of Assassins. Not all of those headcanons make sense, are clever, make him a believable character... So I put all of those stories here and don't use them in rest of the Discworld fics I make.

    Words:
    18,687
    Works:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    3
  17. 69

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    Summary

    Every year, the Assassins Guild awards honorary membership to someone whose contributions to the guild and the school deserves special recognition. This year, the students bring forth an unusual candidate.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,351
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    446
    Bookmarks:
    69
    Hits:
    2,200
  18. 31

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    Summary

    "Sam Vimes the Watch Commander can't do anything," said Sam, "But the Duke of Ankh is just getting started."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,235
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    169
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    1,233
  19. 4

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    Summary

    An old acquaintance returns to Ankh-Morpork and promises trouble.

    Vimes and Vetinari realise they have feelings for each other and have to deal with both problems at once.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,543
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1,045
  20. 4

    Tags
    Summary

    Vetinari finds a dragon and situation forces him to keep it. Leonard and Sybil are overjoyed, Sam is somewhat displeased, but only at first.
    These two are utterly incapable of communicating their feelings.

    Set after “Jingo”, but Prince Cadram survives and decides to get his revenge. Things go south very quickly in more than one ways

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    49,001
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    854

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