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  1. Tags
    Summary

    One blustery morning, a short note arrives on Downey's desk that says: Patrician. Sektober 13. Soon after Vetinari receives an old newspaper clipping about the death of a colleague's father that occurred forty years ago. It doesn't take long for things to go a little wahoonie shaped with a dead girl in a tree, a two hundred year old mystery, and a creature stalking the streets of Ankh-Morpork.

    Of course, throughout all of this, Vetinari is fending off unsolicited advice from his aunt (buy a lint roller!) and begins to worry that he might be developing an approximation of something like maybe feelings, for a limited value of feelings, for one Master of the Assassins Guild.

    Naturally, nothing is every entirely straight forward and some families have old secrets.

    --
    Note: The title is an anagram.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    81,331
    Chapters:
    24/?
    Comments:
    198
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1,688
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Ignoring problems and feelings is rarely the easiest way to go through life. While Vetinari has to deal with a city that wants to fall apart and with a new, horrible injury, Downey decides that he doesn’t want to die having never even lived.
    Amongst all this, a strange, aquatic creature roams the streets of Ankh-Morpork and leaves a trail of blood behind itself.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,515
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    37
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “What evidence do you have against your existence?”

    “None, it would be nonsensical. I know I am here as you see me, and yet I lack a way to prove it to myself. A way to prove that I am more than just another cog in a machine, because perhaps I’m not.”

    “So, you resort to pain?” he asks, gliding his hands up Vetinari’s arm. They are cold, but everything is cold against the fire of the burn.

    “What else? It is the natural conclusion. Every world spins in pain, from it’s beginning to its end; what better way to prove that you’re alive; and why should I be exempt from it?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,673
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    57
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Vetinari finds a dragon and situation forces him to keep it. Leonard and Sybil are overjoyed, Sam is somewhat displeased, but only at first.
    These two are utterly incapable of communicating their feelings.

    Set after “Jingo”, but Prince Cadram survives and decides to get his revenge. Things go south very quickly in more than one ways

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    49,001
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    844
  5. Tags
    Summary

    For a moment- a treacherous, subconscious moment, wholly outside his control- he imagines hands he recognises reaching towards him. The promise implicit: believe, and you shall be cured of your pain. For blind faith and complete obedience, I will make you the perfect subject, healthy and hale and useful.

     

    A woman claims to have visions of a King, and to, through him, heal the sick. Vetinari is neither a king nor healed. This is a problem.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,338
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    129
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “What?” Downey says again, flicking him lightly between the eyes. Immediately, his previous resolution is undermined, but that’s Downey for you. Abrasive in both senses. “Focus, dog-botherer. You’ve been drinking.”

    He knows that. That’s not the problem. The problem is that he’s not drunk enough. Every time he closes his eyes, Keel’s face swims before him, and the bitter stem of a lilac masks the taste of whatever-it-is he’s been drinking. He puts all this to Downey: “Not enough. Not yet.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,375
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    84
  7. Tags
    Summary

    An old acquaintance returns to Ankh-Morpork and promises trouble.

    Vimes and Vetinari realise they have feelings for each other and have to deal with both problems at once.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,543
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1,032
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Guildmaster Crucible of the Jeweller's Guild thinks he’s clever. Propose a holiday honoring Sam Vimes’ infamous ancestor—the regicide Suffer-Not-Injustice Vimes—and watch the upstart Duke of Ankh squirm under the reminder that his family tree has blood on the roots. But when Vimes doesn’t get angry—instead offering to help plan the event, the other Guild members remember what a seemingly cooperative Vimes is capable of, and swiftly withdraw any support.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    973
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    146
  9. Tags
    Summary

    'What is the current tally, Commander?' asked the Patrician coolly.

    'Casualties are coming close to four hundred, sir,' said Vimes. He hesitated. 'We won't know the full death count for some time.'

    'Of course,' he said. 'The sinking of the SS Wincanton has become firmly a recovery mission by this hour,'—and now Lord Vetinari turned away from the window to face the two men —'Or else the Commander and I would still be at the scene. Isn't that so, Mr. Slip?'

    Mr. Jack Slip, lead chairman of the Ankh-Morpork Steamship Company, was a smart man. That was after all how he had gotten to this point in his life. He nodded, said, 'Yes, my lord,' and said no more.

    'I would like to discuss today's events, Mr. Slip,' said Lord Vetinari, 'and what your options are, moving forward.'

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,097
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    146
  10. Tags
    Summary

    When an old friend of Sybil joins the Watch things don't go as they were supposed to and secrets get to light

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,351
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    172
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Dr. Lawn has laid it out to him thus: if he walks using the cane, it will wear away his hip, and warp his spine, and may well weaken his game leg. If he does not walk at all, his muscles will weaken and atrophy. Walking without the use of the cane is not yet available for consideration.

     

    Vetinari and disability

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,806
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    227
  12. Tags
    Summary

    When a spell from a student at the Unseen University goes wrong and causes chaos in Ankh-Morpork, Commander Samuel Vimes is forced to confront his feelings for a certain tyrant...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,194
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    133
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    961
  13. Tags
    Summary

    After his relationship with Vetinari ends and his marriage starts to implode, Sam Vimes finds old habits coming back to bite him hard. Meanwhile, a boy has been murdered, the guilds are out for blood and someone is trying to kill Vetinari. Again.

    Vimes and Vetinari have to decide what’s really important, and how much they’re willing to risk for it.


    The Balancing Act series finale - this won’t make much sense if you haven’t read Balancing Act and My Friends and Smiling Enemies, at the least.
    Please read the tags; starts dark, but the advantage to hitting rock bottom is that afterwards, the only way is up...
    M rating is for mature themes and some fade-to-black smut in one chapter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,591
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    84
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    711
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Vimes scowled. Vetinari noticed and continued, mildly, “I would remind you, Vimes, that we have agreed it is best that this remains a clandestine affair, given the situation.”

    “I know.”

    “A fact that does make blackmail a possibility.”

    “I know.”

    “And yet, Commander, you are still attempting to disrobe me in a public area.”

    Attempting being the operative word there, sir. Could you give me a hand, do you think? This button's stuck.”


    Vimes and Vetinari have been attempting to balance their secret relationship with the running of the city. But now it seems their secret is out, and as the people they care for are threatened, painful choices are needed.

     

    Sequel to Balancing Act and Leverage, although can be read straight after Balancing Act if you want and will still make sense.

    M rating is for smut in Chapter 1, the rest is Teen & Up.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,157
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    65
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    849
  15. Tags
    Summary

    The Guild leaders have complaints. Downey gets traumatized and Boggis is somehow still alive after this.
    (You’re welcome👍)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    767
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    386
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Above the mask his eyes crinkled with what Roberta knew to be a grin. “Thank you for reminding me about the socks.”

    “A small touch, but vital nonetheless.”

    [There are many ways to be a man.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,700
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    349
  17. Tags
    Summary

    It is early days of this thing called a ReLaTiOnShIp(?) between Downey and Vetinari--all very new, Vetinari would like to note that emotions are a bug and not feature. Downey is here to smoke a lot of cigarettes and be dramatic about things. However, the untimely murder of Downey's brother-in-law puts a bit of a wrench in things, made worse by the announcement that his (estranged) father may or may not be dying soon. All deeply inconvenient for everyone involved. There are parallels of past and present because families are a sticky business, always, and things that happened thirty years ago have a strange ability to cycle back through your life.

    [I have rewritten Thus, Always because I wanted to finish the story but had left it too long to pick it back up and start where I left off, so I just redid the whole thing. There are differences between the OG Thus, Always and this one. This one still works within the broader AU timeline of Murder Flat stories etc.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    144,614
    Chapters:
    44/44
    Comments:
    241
    Kudos:
    108
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    3,089
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Райтобер 2023.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    11,047
    Chapters:
    31/31
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    42
    Hits:
    768
  19. Tags
    Summary

    — Ах, это вы, сержант, — равнодушно заметил Патриций, поднимая глаза от бумаг.
    — Сир, — ответил сержант Ночной Стражи Ваймс.
    И они полюбили друг друга к своему бесконечному ужасу, со всей силой и глубиной, со всей преданностью и страстью, достижимой за долгие годы кропотливой работы — полюбили здесь и сейчас.
    — Не могу себе это позволить, — бесстрастно сказал Ветинари.
    — Так не делается, — отозвался, темнея лицом, новоявленный капитан.

     

    (продолжение "Стражник! Стражник...")

    Series
    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    44,805
    Chapters:
    9/22
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    57
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1,020
  20. Tags
    Summary

    After no more a desolate thing Downey and Vetinari are muddling through. Unfortunate segues into the past which runs parallel to the present. Families are a sticky business, always. Oh, and there's been a death.

    [You do not have to read 'no more...' to read this.]

    [Note: This one is abandoned - see Thus Always (2.0) for the up-to-date version of this story]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    61,581
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    140
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    2,672

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