hes always ambiguous in my fics it seems
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I’m trying, Raph thought, but he wasn’t supposed to speak, so he held his breath and went as still as he possibly could. Slowly, carefully, he let the breath out and forced his body to relax. Relax. Relax. He was supposed to relax. That’s what meditation was for.
Or, Raph hates meditation. It's just another thing that makes him a disappointment.