YellowMustard
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Summary
Our saltwater solution reduces gravity’s pull by over 80%, ensuring you'll effortlessly stay afloat! We keep the water at a steady 36 degrees—matching your skin’s temperature. This blend of weightlessness and warmth blurs the lines between your body and the water, as your nerves can’t tell where you end and the surrounding environment begins.
Weightlessness. Yeah. If anything’s gonna be Ed’s cure-all, it’s gotta be weightlessness, right?
Ed’s carried around weight for most of his life. He’s tired. His muscles ache. His joints are all ground down to dust.
Also - the word solution is right there. Which proves it.
This is it. This is Ed’s solution.
(Or: Ed's on a wellness journey for his fuckass brain. It's not going great. The guy at the float tank place is being way too nice about it. Please mind the tags!)
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Summary
Ed jerks his head in the direction of the couch in the nearby waiting nook, and prepares himself for impending disaster.
The impending disaster follows. Eagerly.
“I’ve organized everything chronologically,” he says, setting the overstuffed briefcase down and thumbing through some of the piles. “But I can, of course, rearrange the presentation order based on your personal preferences! Alphabetically? Most-to-least amusing? Oh! Or a mystery draw - just pick a random folder without looking! That could be fun, couldn’t it?”
Somewhere, deep in Ed’s soul, a very tiny, very tired voice goes: there is something deeply wrong with you as a man, Ed. You’re into this. Don’t even try to fucking deny it.
(Or: Stede Bonnet is getting his first tattoo. Maybe. If Ed is able to rifle through Stede's entire briefcase of ideas and pro/con lists and flow charts and excel spreadsheets, and figure out what he actually wants. Which might take some time. A Reverse Big Bang 2025 fic with art by bbyteach!)
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“Shhh,” Ed says, though who he’s shushing, Stede has no idea. His head lolls helplessly, and he lurches forward into Stede’s arms like a sack of sexy, drunk potatoes. “Shhhhhh, s’late.”
“It is,” Stede agrees, amused. “Did you have a good time?”
“Mm. We stayed in. Fang made old fashioneds.”
“You hate old fashioneds.”
“Made old fashioneds for him,” Ed clarifies, his voice slack against Stede’s neck. “For me, he made. Uhh. This thing with, like. Birthday cake vodka?”
“Sounds yummy. What were the other ingredients?”
Ed loosens himself from the embrace, teetering backwards to squint at Stede.
“What other ingredients?” he slurs.
(Or: Ed comes home plastered. Stede has a few moral reservations about giving him what he asks for. A modern era two-shot about communication, vulnerability, consent and birthday cake vodka. It's mostly drunk sex. Happy birthday, SD!)
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It’s a fucking travesty. It’s an oozing, malignant cyst of a dessert. It breaks its banks when Ed cuts into it, releasing a tide of chocolate goo, which floods not only over the edges of the tray but halfway across the fucking table. Ed goes 'shit, shit', and he tries to stop the deluge with his bare fucking hand (again, exhibiting a laughable lack of foresight, insight, hindsight, all the sights). The liquid is blisteringly hot, hot enough that Ed instantly yanks his fingers back with a hiss and a litany of furious curses, and he abandons the whole fucking mess with an explosive kick to the kitchen counter.
He stubs his toe.
This is the cake’s fault.
Fuckin’ cake. Whole thing’s fucked. Well and truly.
But there is something worse than Ed’s abysmal excuse for a cake. Far worse. Unimaginably worse:
Stede thinks Ed is wonderful.
(OR: Stede showers Ed with praise every time he messes something up. Ed comes to a devastating conclusion about the reason why. Angst, fluff, talking it through (as a Two), and some emotionally healing make-up sex. For LizPoppe 💛)
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There’s a Podfuckery afoot!
What would happen if a crew of Podficcers were to record the same story, each in their own style? The start and finish of the fics are all the same, but we’ve teamed up with a crew of writers to give you something a little different in the middle.
This is The Podfuckery narrated by Elky and written by Yellowmustard
Series
- Part 12 of Podfuckery 2024
Recent series
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Podfuckery 2024 by 1happydaiz, adhduck, Baby_kraken, bizarrelittlemew, caribbeancrocs, cheesecake3, ClaireGregory, cochineal, darcylindbergh, Deanbird, depressionrobe, elky, emi_rose, fullofhope137, Gemagination, ghostalservice, happydaiz_pod (1happydaiz), Judysoranges, Kninjaknitter, littlefingies, LoopyDangerFrog, LyndziM, nomadsland, offsammich, Permanent_Ink, petrichorca, PilotPiratePods, SD_Ryan, shipmates, smallestchurch, Tipsy_Kitty, tragicallynerdy, veeagainst, with (Tipsy_Kitty), xoxoemynn, YellowMustard, yerbamansa, Yourgentlemanpirate
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
01 Jan 2025
Summary
It's a PODFUCKERY!
a group of authors have all taken the same beginning and end of a story and filled in their own delicious middles.... and they don't know who's going to be narrating them!
A group of podficcers have each been given a story to narrate.... and they don't know who wrote them!
Join us through the month of December as we take a journey through nearly 40 different creators!
Hosted by 1happydaiz, BabyKraken, and ghostalservice!
- Words:
- 31,394
- Works:
- 21
- Bookmarks:
- 12
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- Words:
- 26,290
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 8
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- Words:
- 9,845
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 15
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Wordplay by YellowMustard
Fandom: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
27 Sep 2023
- Words:
- 19,321
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 40
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- Words:
- 12,696
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 20
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Ed was cursed and turned into a frog in 1717, and for over 300 years he's been on his own. Little does he know that getting captured is going to lead him to his freedom. And love.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,329
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 92
- Kudos:
- 124
- Bookmarks:
- 16
- Hits:
- 546
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
23 Aug 2025
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in your hands, the world beats sweetly by daydreamcrash for ingydar
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
16 Jul 2025
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“We need to go in five, okay?” he says, with just a little…tap-tap. His hand, Ed’s ass. Totally innocent. Absent-minded, even. Supes caszh.
Ed’s vision tunnels.
(or: Ed will do anything in his power to get spanked by Stede. Except ask for it. He's not doing that.)
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
17 Jul 2025
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When Stede's New Year's Eve return home to Mary doesn't go as planned, he finds himself aimlessly riding the subway late at night, unsure of where to go or what to do. But when he sees the most beautiful man in the world, who also seems to be having a bad night, Stede feels compelled to talk to him. Unfortunately, conversations on public transit don't tend to last very long. Fortunately, fate (and the subway itself) might have something to say about that.
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
28 Jun 2025
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Honey, don't feed me, I will come back by serpent_and_dahlia
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
19 Apr 2025
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Summary
Bubbles shielded Ed’s modesty, a dense carpet of them covering the surface of the water so that all Stede could see was his face, the silver mass of his hair piled messily, fetchingly atop his head, and—just above the cloud line, peeking in and out of view—the slope of his bare shoulders, the suggestion of a clavicle. A smear of bubblebath clung to his jaw. A stray lock of hair, damp with steam, stuck to the side of his neck.
The sheer eroticism of the image nearly sent Stede to his knees; more devastating, perhaps, than if Ed had stood before him completely bare.
*
Ed's wearing the sack, and the bell. He's doing his best to make himself useful, to win back the crew's trust. He's just maybe not doing such a great job taking care of himself in the process, but luckily Stede has a solution: time for a bubble bath.
Bookmarked by YellowMustard
19 Apr 2025
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Summary
“You’re buying those jeans, right?”
Stede’s lips make a shy little almost-smile. “I’m… considering it. Do you think they look all right?”
Fuck it, Ed decides. Time to go for broke. “Look, mate, what I think is that anyone who sees you in those jeans is immediately gonna start wondering how fast they can get you out of ’em.”Bookmarked by YellowMustard
16 Apr 2025