Chapter Text
Thanks to doraemax for being awesome and enthusiastic over this story!
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter One Hundred and Twelve - The Talk, Part Three
I looked at the resulting chaos and sighed.
Yep. Probably should have seen this coming.
Here was the biggest problem.
The people I gave the Talk to (this year) were Natsu, Lucy, Brandish, Levy, Juvia, Max, Sho, and Laki, Kinana and Gajeel (because even though the last ones were older than ten, they weren't here the year before (or were busy being a snake)).
I already knew it would go horribly wrong, because 1) Natsu was there, 2) Juvia was there and 3) Levy was there.
Natsu and Juvia were kind of obvious problems. But I expected problems from Levy, probably because she's a lot like Freed when it comes to being studious, and I was right.
Levy asked questions that I wasn't prepared to answer.
Because again…I am a virgin. Even when I died.
So when she asked me if I had sex, and I told her no, things started to degrade.
She left the room (even though I locked it with runes) and returned much, much later, with Gildarts and Mari…and just about the rest of the guild tagging along.
She marched the couple up next to me and returned to the line of children, before demanding from them; "Tell us about sex."
The couple and the rest of the guild choked, and Gildarts turned his eyes to me desperately. "I thought Elle was doing that!"
"She hasn't had sex, it doesn't count," Levy informed him.
"Of course she hasn't had sex, she's fourteen," Ur pointed out.
"She means in my previous life, before I died," I told her.
"Wait, you died?" Gildarts asked, shocked.
"Didn't we already have this conversation?" I muttered.
Erigor and Erik, as per usual, were too busy trying to stop themselves from suffocating from laughter.
"Actually, now that you mention it, I'm kinda interested in what Elle has been teaching them," Mari pointed out, because she wasn't here when I started.
The rest of the guild shifted to look at me, and I sighed.
"Alright, here we go."
Jesus.
Am I embarrassed telling kids about the Talk? No.
Am I embarrassed telling the entirety of the guild my knowledge before I died a virgin?
…Eh.
Well played, Levy. Well played.
Three hours later, the only one who wasn't embarrassed was Ur.
Because she's made of fucking stone.
Most of the other people have left by then, most kids having a basic understanding and not wanting any more information. The adults had quickly left, with the except of Ur and Mari, and all of the kids who already had the Talk made the youngest kids leave.
When we finally released this batch of kids, Juvia had run off screaming (and then ran off in the other direction when she saw Gray without a shirt), Lucy was almost the color of Erza's hair and was still getting darker, and Brandish, who was still (somewhat) calm, led Lucy to a peaceful place whispering about a sleepover. Sho and Max both seemed extremely icked out, and also ran off as soon as possible.
Which left Levy, Laki, Natsu, Kinana, and Gajeel.
Gajeel, before he left, told me that he'd need to call a meeting with the other dragon slayers eventually, because puberty was a bit different for them, and that Kinana and I should probably be there.
That did it for Kinana, and she finally ran off. Erik, who was waiting outside, went after her to try and calm her, and then she was screaming. He eventually wandered back over to everyone else and punched Gajeel for scaring her away.
So. Dragon Puberty. That sounds just…great...
But anyway, this left Levy, Laki, and Natsu.
Laki, specifically, was still there because someone had mentioned foreplay, and wanted to know more about it.
Enno lead her off for a private conversation with a wicked smirk, which scared me because it told me a lot more about Enno than I would've thought.
I'm pretty sure it scared Wakaba too, because he wouldn't stop staring at Macao.
Levy mostly wanted to know more on the scientific process of it all. (Which we were working on. I promised her that I'd try and find her books on it for Christmas, or at the very least, I'd find stuff for her on her birthday.
"But that's half a year away!" she had protested.
I had rolled my eyes. "It's not like you're having sex before then."
And so Levy will wait.)
Natsu was just clueless. None of it made sense to him.
At all.
I sighed. There was still the dragon version of the Talk coming up. And if that didn't work…I'd try telling Natsu more next year, see if it sinks in any more.
A few hours later, the guild hall was still only about a third or a quarter of it's usual size. Too many kids (and even adults) were still hiding, and I ended up joining Laxus, Erik and Jellal at a table.
Laxus had left as soon as he realized I'd be talking more about s-e-x but he was still blushing as I curled up next to him.
"Tsundere," I muttered, hitting his arm.
"I am not," he said completely unconvincingly, his blush deepening.
Erik groaned across the table. "I miss Kinana."
Jellal patted the older boy's shoulder. "Erza's trying to find her. Everything will go back to normal in a few days."
Oh yeah. I still had to tell Erik about the Dragon Talk thing…you know, we'll just do it next year. December is halfway over, already. It's not like anything is going to happen in the next few weeks. Right?
…Something's probably going to happen, isn't it?
I just jinxed it.
...Which means I should probably do the Dragon Talk thing soon, but...
Eh.
"It just feels weird without her," Erik muttered. "And…"
He trailed off, his head perking up and his ear twitching.
Laxus snorted. "What, you're a dog now instead of a dragon?" he gestured to Erik's ears and his tilted head.
Erik blushed and stood up. "Shut up. It was nothing."
He left the table, and I sighed. "I'll go after him." I nudged Laxus. "And you know not to tease your teammates when they're like this."
"I thought that was only if it'll end up in a fight?" Laxus replied.
"To be fair," I heard Jellal say as I walked away. "If one of us is in a funk, teasing us won't bring us out of it. You should probably just let him sulk in the future."
I followed Erik into the training room, where he was staring at the timeline chart, which was still empty of a few newer members who I would be adding in a few hours (before Makarov revealed the S Class candidates tonight, which people would hopefully come out of hiding for).
"Hey," I said, walking up next to him.
"Hey," he muttered.
I nudged his shoulder. "Come on, I think you know that everything will go back to normal soon."
"I know, I-" he paused, his ears twitching again.
"Erik? What is it?" I asked him.
"I swear, I keep hearing weird voices," Erik muttered, scratching his head.
"You always hear voices," I told him.
He shot me a look. "The voices sound crazy."
"That's generally what happens when you hear voices," I pointed out.
He threw up his arms. "That's not what I mean. It's just-" he froze. "There!" and took off running.
I sighed and followed him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
I walked outside of the training room, which was deserted sans Bickslow and Erik, who was shaking the Seith Mage by the shoulders.
"Erik, what the hell?" I asked, running up to them.
Bickslow's eyes were glowing, and he looked down at me and giggled.
I blinked at him, shocked. "What the hell's up with Bickslow?"
Beside the fact that it was December and he was standing outside like the cold didn't bother him.
"He's high," Papa popped in, the four puppets zooming in out of nowhere.
"He's what?" I hissed, turning to look at Bickslow and putting my hands on my hips.
"He's on a magic high," Papa clarified. "He can't turn his Figure Eyes off. And the guild is full of a lot of bright, caring souls, all in one place."
I stared at the puppet. "Are you telling me that his senses are being overloaded?"
"Pretty much," the puppet hummed. "It's why we dragged him outside. But it hasn't worked."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "That's because it's not enough. Sorry ahead of time." I said to Bickslow as I grabbed his wrist.
He giggled. "Hehe, Sis what'cha doing…" His voice slurred.
"This," I told him, shoving him into the pool.
Now, shoving someone into a pool will always wake them up pretty well. There's the falling sensations, mixed with the wet sensation.
But I apologized because it was the beginning of December.
"Shiiiiiiiiit! T-That's…cold…." He gasped, pulling himself out of the pool, his eyes no longer glowing.
"You got a lid on it?" I asked him.
He nodded, still shivering, and I used a mix of Mars and Saturn to dry him off.
His hair sparked.
"I'm on fire!" Bickslow shrieked, his arms pinwheeling as he stumbled back and fell back into the pool.
Erik could barely breathe from laughing too hard.
"Sorry about that," I said, hauling Bickslow out of the water. "I'll be more careful, just give me a sec."
Bickslow stared at me, before he slowly nodded. "O-one more t-time," his teeth chattered.
I focused myself and worked on summoning the two different elements. Using two different ones is always more difficult, especially if I'm doing something delicate (rather than just blowing shit up), but I should be able to handle it as long as I concentrate.
Bickslow's sigh of relief made me look up. He was no longer soaking wet, and his hair was windswept from the warm breeze I made. "Thanks," he said, sheepishly scratching the back of his head.
I sighed. "How the hell did you even get high from magic exposure anyway?"
"Well, I checked on you when you were in a coma," Bickslow started. "And you looked all funky. So I was looking at other people more to see if it was you or if my powers were changing, and then I kinda lost it."
"I thought you didn't have problems with this anymore."
"I normally don't," Bickslow admitted. "Imagine…okay, so it's a dark night, right? And there are fireflies. And the fireflies are souls. But there was like a bunch more fireflies than usual, and some looked weird so I put on night vision things or whatever and now I got blind and then forgot that I was wearing the night vision stuff."
I winced but shrugged. It wasn't the worst analogy I've heard when it came to magic.
"Go home, Bickslow," I sighed.
"Aren't you guys revealing the timeline later today?" he whined.
"Yep," Erik chimed in, no longer turning the color of Erza's hair from lack of oxygen. "But you're not gonna get nominated and you know it."
"I'm not?" Bickslow whined, turning to me.
I shook my head. "I highly doubt it. I mean, if Makarov wants to, he could, but I don't think you're anywhere near that level yet."
"She's right," Papa said, causing the other puppets to burst into giggles. "You'd be in over your head."
"Like in the water," Erik snorted, and he laughed as he dodged Bickslow's attempt to shove him into the pool.
"Goodnight, Bickslow," I said, hugging him and stopping his attempts.
He drooped and hugged me back. "Night, Big Sis'. See you, Erik."
Erik lifted a hand goodbye as Bickslow left to head back to the dorms.
"I knew something was going on," he muttered, before sighing and turning to me. "Now what?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Now I'm going to go fix the timeline chart. You're going to go do whatever it is you do."
He drooped.
"Which is moon over Kinana, apparently," I said.
"I do not moon."
"Sulk, then."
He didn't have an answer.
I sighed. "Alrighty. No talking until I'm done, but you can watch me adjust the timeline chart, okay?"
"Alright!" he said, grabbing my arm and dragging me back into the building.
I sighed again.
At least he wasn't moping anymore.
So. Important news. One, I now have seriously annoying carpal tunnel. It is not longer extremely painful (thought it was for a few days) and now I do not take off my brace, even sleeping and typing with it on. Hooray.
My update and sleep schedule is shit. People who update regularly the same day each day have sold their soul to the devil. Anyway, I'm sorry it's so random. On the bright side, I'm taking three ethic courses for my Philosophy Minor this semester, and we're kicking off with the same base philosophers, so I only need to study one set of guys. So hopefully I won't be as booked soon.
Up next: the S Class Trials! Who do you think will be participating this year?