Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bill will never forget the first time she sees her.

She's in the middle of her favourite riff in one of their top singles when her eyes fall to a girl in the front row, a girl staring up at her. A girl with a star in her eye.

Bill smiles through the words she's singing, keeping eye contact with the girl and trying not to think about how she nearly missed several notes the moment they met eyes.

There's no shortage of pretty girls at their concerts - Bill can't afford to get distracted by them all, and to her credit, she's gotten a lot better at it over the last six months. Her first few shows had been vaguely disastrous, much to Theo and Nardole's exasperation, and Missy's great amusement.

Bill forces herself to look away from the girl with the star in her eye, and focus on her damn job. She catches Missy regarding her with a large smirk, though, and flushes a bit at having been caught out.

Still, Bill can't resist sending the girl one last grin as they finish the last song of their set for the night and head offstage.

"Good job, Pottsie, you've finally learned to gay multitask," Missy says to Bill as she loops their arms together. "Proud of you."

"Thanks," Bill says, with a little laugh.

"You didn't even miss a note."

"I know!"

"You know what?" Nardole asks, appearing beside them.

"Don't you worry your little bald head about it, egg boy," Missy tells him, smirking, patting the head in question, "you just keep being the bizarrely talented drum master that you are."

"Nothing bizarre about it, babe," he says, grinning before heading off towards his dressing room. Missy snorts.

Bill watches him go. "Seriously, where did Theo find him?"

"Through River," Missy says, tilting her head to the side. "It's difficult to explain, and I'm not completely sure I understand it myself. Still, he's wicked on the drums, and that's all that matters, really. Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, he somehow rounds out our odd little group."

"Speaking of Song, is she gonna be around?" Bill asks, trying not to look too hopeful. It's not like they don't all know about her stupid little crush on Theo's (secret) wife, but that doesn't mean she has to be obvious about it.

"Why would I know?" Missy asks, rolling her eyes. "When does anyone know? That woman just turns up, it's nothing to do with me."

They part ways to get some refreshments from their dressing rooms, and breathing room before the after show meet and greets. Bill splashes some water on her neck and chugs half of her water bottle. She can't help but hope, as she heads for the meet and greets, that the star girl will be there.

She isn't.

That's okay, though, because from the moment Bill walks into the room, there are squealing young women beaming at her, their eyes alight just from her presence.

She relishes getting to meet every single one. A lot of them tell her how she's such an inspiration to them, how her being open about her sexuality helped them a lot with their own.

The whole 'lesbian icon' thing? It's kind of weird, and a bit much at times, but mostly, Bill loves it. She loves meeting all the younger queer girls who look at her with hopeful, bright eyes. Girls she's helped just by existing in the public eye and talking about how she loves women.

Of course, the odd one asks the inevitable question.

Are you and Missy… you know?

Bill is an old hat at tapping her nose and throwing them a wink, grinning and saying, "If I told you that, she'd have to kill me."

She'll always end up looking over at Missy, who is on the other side of the room, and Missy will catch her eye and blow her a kiss, fueling the rumours as much as ever.

Of course, that's rather the point. Any questions about their romantic lives? They reveal nothing. Theodore might be married, but no one outside of the inner management circle knows that. Theo and Missy also have a thing going on, but again, it's a secret.

Nothing actually is going on between Missy and Bill, aside from the odd drunken kiss, which Bill is both mildly disappointed and immensely relieved by. Missy might be obscenely attractive, but Bill isn't sure that she could actually handle Missy in any kind of one-on-one capacity in that respect.

And then there's Nardole, who calls them all "babe" or "babydoll". (He snuggles everyone, but the only people he's shagging are some of the weirder fans, much to everyone else's disgust.) Add that to the fact that Missy flirts outrageously with both Theo and Bill in interviews, and… well.

They have the media tearing its metaphorical hair out. It's fucking hilarious.

Of course, if the media knew the truth, it might be in even more of an uproar, what with all the polyamory going on, so it's probably for the best. 

Once the meet and greets are over, they head back to the TARDIS, their huge tour bus named for Totally and Radically Driving In Style, by a high off his face Theo, some twenty years ago.

It was back when he and Missy were in their own band with some wanker named Saxon. Bill, like the rest of the world, doesn't know why that band broke up (god, it had to have been about eighteen years ago now? Theo and Missy are old) but knows that whenever Saxon is mentioned around them, they both tense up, just for a moment, and tend to instinctively look at each other in some way Bill can't read. So it must have ended badly, if Theo and Missy seem to barely be able to stand hearing his name - which is happening more and more frequently, with how Saxon has been coming into his own success, with his solo career he'd started up a couple of years ago.

Still, that sounds like drama, and Bill isn't one for drama, so as curious as she might be, she isn't going to pry. Not today, not in two years. Breakups of any kind, be they professional or platonic or romantic, are the worst. They don't bring up Penny, she won't bring up their mysterious ex-bandmate. Simple.

They're all in great spirits from the show tonight and from meeting the fans, and arrive to find their manager, Clara Oswald, lounging on one of the couches in the tour bus.

"Great job out there," she says, smiling at them all as she glances up from her iPad. "Sorry I couldn't make it to the meet and greets. Had to take a call."

"What phone call lasts that long?" Nardole asks, scoffing.

"The kind that involves a lot of plotting," says a voice from behind them.

They all turn around to see River Song leaning against the doorway of the bus. Bill feels herself grinning, but she's most taken with how Theo's eyes light up like nothing she's ever seen, how he rocks on his heels like he's trying to stop himself from running to her.

"Mrs Song!" Nardole greets, beaming. "Good to see you again."

River laughs. "And you, Nardole." Her eyes travel. "Missy."

Missy just nods, with that strange sort of cordial acceptance she and River have with each other. "River. Always a pleasure."

"Isn't it just?" River's eyes finally come to rest on Bill, and they're warmer now. "Hello, Bill. How's my second favourite lesbian?" 

"Gay," Bill replies.

River laughs, throwing her head back. "Oh, I've missed all of you. Four months is far too long."

"Well, that's what you get for trying to have a secret marriage when you're both household names," Clara mutters. "It took an hour to work out how to smuggle you in."

"And what a marvelous job you did," Theo says to her, making her grumble about flattery. He hasn't taken his eyes off River, and hers are fixed on him. They only have eyes for each other, after long separations. It's as heartwarming as it is disgustingly sappy.

Missy makes some gagging noises, only to be ignored by them. "Right, well, there go my plans for the evening, now that the Eyebrows is occupied. And I was so looking forward to a good orgasm, too. Any other takers? Clara?"

Clara doesn't even look up from her iPad. "Not even if you paid me."

"Didn't have to pay you last time."

"You have to spend a solid half an hour annoying me before I'll even considering having sex with you, Missy, and frankly I don't have the time, I have plans with Ashildr. You know, that person I'm dating."

"Fine," Missy sighs, and glances at Bill hopefully. "Bill? Darling? Light of my life?"

Bill, having been on the receiving end of this offer several times before, has to ignore the part of her brain that always screams yes take me now and keep her gay wits about her.

"Um, yeah, I'm good, thanks," Bill says, putting her hands in her pockets. "I'll probably just… take a walk, or something. Clear my head. Or we could watch a film? I'm not adverse to cuddling, just the sex bit."

Missy considers this, glances at Nardole for several long moments, and then seems to think better of it before looking back at Bill and sighing. "Alright, film it is, then."

That's how Bill finds herself curled up in her little bed with Missy, watching Rent, her head resting on Missy's shoulder. Missy is very tactile with her friends, but Bill especially. Although it always instills a bit of gay panic to have Missy's fingers toying with her hair or stroking her arm, it's also just really nice, and Bill is grateful for it.

The pleasant atmosphere is slightly ruined by the sound of Theo and River having sex on the other side of the wall, but it's nothing they haven't dealt with before. Bill's just happy for them really. She wishes there's someone she could love that much, to just light up the moment they walk into a room.

She finds herself thinking about Star Girl again. She can still picture her face, clear as anything, those incredible eyes staring up at her.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Missy asks quietly.

Bill feels her face flush. "It's nothing."

"You're a crap liar, Pottsie, you know that?"

"So? Still don't have to tell you."

"Course you don't. Just making sure you know that I'm here for girl talk if you need to." Missy makes a face. "God, look at me, getting all sentimental. You're lucky I have a soft spot for you."

"Well, I appreciate it," Bill says.

They end up falling asleep together, Missy's smaller form curled into Bill's.

The next venue and the setup required is a lot more fun, with River around. She's able to mill about easily enough, with only general crew hanging around, so long as she isn't too overly affectionate with her husband. It's well known that she's friends with the members of Event Horizon, and they've done a song collab with her for the new album, called 'Hell In High Heels'. It's proved a massive hit with the fans, even though they haven't shot the music video for it yet and thus not released it as an official single. 

Bill sits in the seats near the stage, her bass guitar in her lap, absently plucking a baseline she's making up on the spot. Theo and Missy are onstage, meticulously dictating where everything should be and occasionally getting into arguments about it, while their stage manager, Kate, gets increasingly low on patience. 

"And they're off again," a familiar voice says from next to Bill.

Ashildr drops into the seat two down from Bill, once again displaying their unnerving ability to sneak up on absolutely anyone - except Missy.

"Seriously, if you keep doing that, I'm going to die of a heart attack before I hit thirty," Bill says, swallowing. She looks to where, sure enough, Theo and Missy are now shouting at each other about the lighting colour scheme.

"Don't be ridiculous, if you do, it'll be because some pretty girl smiled at you, not because of anything I've done," Ashildr replies, smirking.

Bill opens her mouth, shuts it again, and huffs. "Look, just because you're right, doesn't mean you can be all smug about it."

"I'm smug about everything."

"I know. And it's annoying."

"Well, now you've wounded me irreparably," Ashildr bemoans, clutching their hand to their chest. "I'll never be able to go on. Tell Clara she was a brief, flickering light of beauty in my dark life-"

"Shut up," Bill says, rolling her eyes, and Ashildr grins. "For the record? The dramatics? Totally not you. Stick with your weird, mysterious stoic thing. Works way better."

"I know, but as an artist I have to try and experiment, on occasion." Ashildr makes a face. "I should probably be glad only you witnessed this particular failing."

"You're so pretentious."

Ashildr grins. "Proudly."

"Look, can you go and shut them up? You're the only one who isn't afraid of them, and they listen to you, for some reason," Bill says, sighing.

Other than River, of course, but River is near the exit, talking on the phone and laughing in a sweet, smitten sort of way. Probably talking to her girlfriend, Helen. In other words, not currently about to be any help in neutralising her idiotic husband, not that it would probably be a good idea for her to get too involved with so many people around anyway. As far as most of the venue staff are concerned, she's just a friend of them all who's popping in to see the show.

Ashildr, thankfully, has more guts than any other twenty one year old Bill has ever seen. (Then again, if Ashildr came out and told everyone that actually, they were a vampire or some other kind of being that had lived for several hundred years, Bill would probably believe it with only a bit of convincing. There's just an eerie-ness about them, albeit one that really works for their artist image.) They make a beeline for the stage, interrupt Theo and Missy, and immediately demand that they make a decision in ten seconds because Ashildr needs time to sort out their technical specifics, since blue hair requires more delicate lighting to look good, obviously.

(Though, Bill is convinced that their tech girl, Petronella Osgood, is some kind of tech wizard, because how she manages to do the sound and lights at the same time, Bill has no idea. It's like she's in two places at once, half the time, Bill swears.) 

Theo and Missy storm off stage, glancing at each other with annoyance. Bill knows those looks well; they're about to fuck the argument away. Typical. Still, Kate looks relieved and not like she's about to bash any heads together anymore, so that's something. 

Bill shakes her head goes back to improvising on her bass, working out if she can come up with a new melody or bass line that she likes. It's been too long since she's written anything that wasn't rubbish. Which is fine, since Theo is the real talent when it comes to songwriting, and Missy is capable of churning the odd, usually weird but in a good way, number.

Bill just knows she has a great song in her, somewhere, but she can't find it for the life of her. And it really, really sucks.

The second time Bill sees her, she actually does miss a couple of notes.

She's there, Star Girl, in the front row again, and Bill stares for a moment before coming to her senses and picking the baseline back up. Her singing hadn't faltered much, thankfully.

Bill, once she's gotten back on track, makes a point of grinning at Star Girl, who blushes a little. Encouraging.

It's beyond infuriating, though, because Bill's heart is doing absurd fluttery things and it's over a fan. How the hell could she initiate anything, if she decided she wanted to? Talk about the worst possible way to meet someone.

Bill gives her one last wink as she heads offstage at the end of the night.

"Was that the same girl?" Missy asks, her voice particularly Scottish on the last two words.

"Maybe," Bill mumbles.

"Bit keen, isn't she?"

"Shut up, she's just a fan."

"I suppose she isn't the first young sapphic thing to be head over heels for you," Missy says thoughtfully, tilting her head. "Still, she's certainly caught your eye, properly, not in just your usual hopeless lesbian way."

"Tell me about it. She has a star in her eye - the iris."

"Neato," Missy says. It would sound sarcastic coming from anyone else, but Bill knows without a doubt that she means it genuinely enough.

They come to a halt when River comes barrelling in out of nowhere and practically slams Theo into a wall, kissing him gleefully and nearly damaging his guitar in the process.

"You were wonderful, sweetie," she tells him.

His ears are burning. "Oh. Um. Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?"

"They loved it," Nardole says, shrugging. "They always do, I don't know why we keep pretending to be surprised by it. We're good at it and they love us. It's fairly simple."

"It never pays to get too comfortable, Nardie," Missy says, scowling. "That's how you end up on the street and sleeping in alleyways. Or in rehab. Things can change like that." There's a disturbing edge to her voice, one that makes Bill wonder if she's speaking from experience (well, she knows she is about the rehab, but the rest of it is new information, if it's true).

The way Theo is looking at Missy only supports Bill's theory.

"Don't look at me like that, Thete," Missy snaps. "Or I'll shave your head in the middle of the night."

"You absolutely will not, if you value your fingers," River says to her, eyes flashing as she steps between Theo and Missy.

"I'd like to see you try," Missy retorts.

"Likewise."

"Bring it on, Pond."

River's real name - or rather, birth name - is of course, Melody Pond. It's no real secret, but it's also no secret that it's a name she hates.

"Come on, sweetie," River says to Theo, scowling at Missy. "Let's go celebrate in your dressing room. Loudly."

Missy rolls her eyes. "If you're attempting jealousy, Song, it's not going to work. I couldn't care less, and the thought of letting that pitying fuck touch me right now is repulsive, so hard pass."

Theo and River disappear, leaving Nardole and Bill immensely uncomfortable, and alone with a pissed off Missy.

"Are you alright?" Bill asks Missy.

Missy is muttering under her breath in what sounds like Russian, and she barely falters when Bill's question gets her attention. "Fine, he's just a sanctimonious twat."

"He cares about you-"

"Yeah, well, that's stupid of him," Missy replies, getting out her phone and dialling a number into it. She walks off towards her dressing room. "Emil, darling, how are you? How's your Smith? Mine's being a twat. You're all good, all three of you? Excellent."

Emil is Missy's brother, who lives in London with his husband John, who Bill is fairly sure is Theo's cousin, which is pretty weird all things considered, but she's not really about to judge. Also, it's not exactly like Missy has a line of friends going out the door. It's good that she gets along with her brother, if only so she has someone outside of all this madness she can talk to. 

Bill had had that with Penny, before dating a celebrity had just gotten too much for her. Bill misses that anchor of normality.

Still, there's always Ashildr, if she needs someone to bring her back to the world of sense. The tiny blue haired singer is rather good at that.

The star girl is at the next two shows they play. Still in the front row. Still beautiful, still smiling up at Bill and making her almost miss notes in her solos.

Bill starts dreaming about her. About those eyes, with the star shining in them, and the iridescent smile underneath.

It feels real. It feels like this girl really likes her, but without the hero worship in her eyes that usually makes the idea of dating a fan so implausible to Bill. She looks at Bill like she's just the girl at an open mic in a pub that she'd been when Theo had discovered her by accident.

"Help," Bill says to Missy one day. She must be out of her mind to be asking Missy for romantic advice, but given that her alternatives are Theo or Nardole, she has no doubt that this is her best option.

"Help with what?" Missy asks, looking up from the thick sketchbook where she's painting with watercolours (vivid, violent images for the most part, and yet Missy always looks so completely serene as she paints).

"You know," Bill says slowly. "The girl."

"Oh, right, the star one, yeah, she's been properly persistent, hasn't she?" Missy has turned has attention back to her painting. "So, you want to woo her, then?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't know what to do," Bill says, shoving her hands in her overalls pockets.

Missy blows an escaped strand of hair out of her face. "Now, if only there was some big, clever way to tell her how you feel - a way you could get across your thoughts and emotions, elegantly. Now, what could that be? I've no idea, but maybe your little brain could get there in the end."

"Does the extreme sarcasm help?" Bill asks, unamused.

"Does asking me obvious questions help you?" Missy retorts. "You know you need to write her a song, Pottsie, so either ask for my help with that or go and get on with it."

"I don't need your help."

"And yet you linger."

"Okay, okay, fucking off, thanks for - well, whatever," Bill mutters as she walks off, "great pep talk."

"I know, I'm a font of supportive wisdom."

Bill snorts as she closes the door to her own room and goes to pick up her bass guitar.

It turns out that writing songs, without the perfect burst of inspiration, is fucking near impossible.

After several hours yields nothing more than one line of lyrics that she isn't convinced she doesn't hate anyway, and a four note riff that she's vaguely attached to, Bill puts down the notebook and guitar and picks up her phone instead.

Going into the Twitter app, she decides to broadcast her struggles. After all, it never hurts to have her fans know that their idols struggle with things too.

@pottsalotts - the struggle when you're gay and in a band and so there's only one real way to express emotion but writing songs is hard

@pottsalotts -  seriously how do @thedoctor and @missymasters do this? help

Her twitter immediately fills with sentiments of encouragement and excitement, from fans eager to hear a song written by her, since that's something they've yet to be able to enjoy. Bill smiles and replies to a few, and likes a few more.

Of course, there's the speculative replies too. 'Who are you trying to write gay songs for?' and variations thereupon. She spots a few people with 'Potsy' icons or handles and has to grin.

@missymasters (replying to @pottsalotts) - I'd be happy to give you a private workshop <3

Bill has to roll her eyes at Missy's response, which is such a classic tease for their fans - but not really queerbaiting, Bill has to remind herself, since all four Event Horizon members are out as queer in some form to the public. Theodore has never gone into any more detail than that, and only a few interviewers and fans have been stupid enough to try and get more out of him in that regard. (Bill knows that he identifies as non-binary to at least some degree, but has no idea about his sexuality, and doesn't really want to know, although if she had to guess, she would say demisexual as hell.) Missy used the words 'raging pansexual' in an interview, and had the phrase blow up so much among her fans that there's usually a few wearing shirts with the phrase underneath a flaming heart in the pansexual flag colours. Nardole breaks out into the 'Bi Bi Bi' NSYNC song any time someone inquires after his sexuality.

@pottsalotts (replying to @missymasters) - tempting, might take you up on it later if this blank notebook keeps mocking me :P

Unsurprisingly, the Potsy shippers lose their minds over this exchange, and Bill leaves them to their fun with a grin on her face and picks the guitar back up.

She's going to write a beautiful gay-ass song for this Star Girl even if it's the only song she ever writes. And if she dies trying, well, what other way was she ever going to go?

Chapter Text

Event Horizon: The Cosmic Phenomenon Taking Over The World

by Sarah Jane Smith, for Rolling Stone

No matter one's taste in music, one would have to have been living underneath a rock for the last year to not have at least heard the name Event Horizon at least once. Their new album, 'Black Hole Heart', has broken the Guinness World Record for the Fastest Selling Digital Album in the UK, with over 530,000 copies sold in the first week. Their tour is also looking to be one of the most prolific in musical history, with over 100 shows planned for the one year span and over 6 million tickets already sold - if you're looking to get tickets, get in quick! They're expected to sell out within the week.

Sitting down with the members of Event Horizon is always an experience - this is my second time, but the first for a professional encounter. Theodore Smith, known to some of us older timers as 'the Doctor' for reasons most of us can no longer remember, is an old friend of mine, and he greets me with a rare grin and an even rarer hug.

Most know Theodore Smith for his work with current bandmate Melissa Masters in the popular 90's rock band The Renegades. Their third member, Harry Saxon, has similarly seen a comeback recently, with a new solo career bringing him some favourable reviews and sales, and some spotlight after a long time out of it.

Smith (frontman, lead guitar and vocals) and Masters (keyboard and vocals) remain as thick as thieves as ever, sitting next to each other and sharing smirks and muttered inside jokes for the majority of the interview.

Nardole Dellora (drums) is a mystery to most, myself included. A part of River Song's tech crew until he surfaced as the third member of Smith's new band, he has taken to the spotlight with ease, but acts more like Smith's babysitter than his bandmate.

Last is Bill Potts (bass guitar and vocals), the baby of the group by a good twenty years, a woman unknown to all but a few lucky individuals in Bristol. She has become a global icon in the span of a year, partly due to her being openly gay, earning her a passionate LGBT+ following on social media who hail her as 'The Lesbian Pop Princess'. She's forever smiling, and incredibly approachable.

So, you four have almost literally got the entire world's foot tapping. How does it feel to have reached so many people with your music?

Bill: It's actually, like, impossible to get my head around. Even with all these people tweeting at me all the time, and all the fans I've met, it feels like a really weird dream I'm about to wake up from. [She laughs] But, you know, you don't, because somehow, it's totally mad, but it's real.

Nardole: I mostly enjoy people saying nice things about my various waistcoats. My collection is finally being appreciated as it deserves.

Missy: [nudges Theodore] Well, it means I get hang out with this idiot, so naturally, it's terrible and I've regretted every moment.

Theodore: [grins and offers no further comment]

How is 'Black Hole Heart' different to your debut album, 'Vaults'?

Missy: Well, it's a sequel of sorts, more than anything else.

Theodore: 'Vaults' was about the different ways people can feel trapped - that's why so many people could relate to it, we think. 'Black Hole Heart' is about people themselves - the people we've known, the people we are, the people we could be or want to be.

Bill: Again, it's relatable, I reckon, because we all have those 'what if' moments, you know? Or know someone who has a heart like a black hole, or seems to.

And who was it that you knew with such a heart?

ALL: Missy.

Missy: Me, obviously. [Laughs, looking rather proud] I'm the resident bitch of this group, darling, it isn't exactly news.

'Vaults' saw a fairly even split between your writing credits, Theo, Missy. Has that changed with the new album?

Missy: Oh, yeah, I let him do all the work this time. I think I wrote… three, for this album. He did the other eight, or however many it was. I literally can't remember which songs made the cut or not. Do I care? Not really, I'll sing whatever.

Bill: Your three are amazing, though.

Missy: Aw, thanks, Pottsie.

Nardole: [muttering] They're not bad - ow!

Theodore: I might have technically written the majority of the songs, but there was a lot more of sharing ideas among all four of us this time. So it might be my words, but it's all of us speaking, really.

Bill: That's true. He wrote one about how hard it is for him to help me try and pick up girls.

Missy: You're a lesbian disaster, it's true. But a cute one, thankfully.

Bill: [Grinning] Thanks, I guess.

Have they had any luck in that department? Anyone special your fans should know about?

Bill: [Still grinning] Come on, Sarah Jane, this isn't your first rodeo. You know our lips are sealed - Missy, get your hand off my leg, oh my god.

Anyone who has followed Event Horizon over the last year knows about their apparent policy of not talking about the specifics of their personal relationships. Similarly, The Renegades were not forthcoming about the member's relationships, with many left scratching their heads as to which out of Theodore and Harry had won Missy's affections, assuming one of them had.

Once again, it seems perfectly plausible that Theodore and Missy are involved and always have been, but nothing is concrete and Missy is equally flirtatious with Bill, and makes no secret of her attraction to people regardless of their gender, so the specifics are anyone's guess, and the group seem to relish it.

Their fans are passionate crusaders of whichever relationships, or 'ships' they believe to be the real ones, with the largest contenders being Missodore and Potsy, but smaller groups such as Theodole making themselves known as well. There are also 'Songsmith' shippers, a surprisingly large group who have read into pop icon River Song's frequent visits to Event Horizon concerts and afterparties in a certain way.

So, you have a collaboration with River Song on this album. What brought that about?

Theodore: River's an old friend of ours. And she happens to be extremely talented. It seemed like a natural step.

Missy: [coughing] Plus the song is about her -

'Hell In High Heels' is about her? So you got her to help you record it?

Nardole: Politer that way, isn't it?

Bill: She was stoked. We barely got anything done all day, because we were having so much fun. River is such a riot.

If 'Black Hole Heart' is supposed to be an expression of the group's feelings, the lyrics of 'Hell In High Heels' imply a fairly intimate relationship with River, then.

Missy: Do they? Fancy that.

Theodore: Your words, not ours.

Bill:  Why are you all suddenly looking at me? I'm a giant lesbian, of course I have it bad for River bloody Song. But that's, you know, my business. I'm not acting on it.

Nardole: Or is that just what you want us to think?

As tempting as it is to get caught up in the relationship mysteries of the group, Bill is right that I know better than to fall into that trap, as others before me have, and so it's time to move on.

How is the tour going, so far?

Theodore: Well, we keep turning up to big rooms and there's lots of people there who seem happy to see us, and cheer when we play music for them. So I'm counting that as a plus.

Missy: It's a delight, of course. We all love the rush of performing, and getting to meet the fans is lovely. I thrive on two things - dysfunction, and attention. The fans lavish me with the latter, so I'm as happy as larry, really.

Bill: It's mental, but in the best way possible. I think this is the longest break between shows we've got for at least a month, this week and a half. We're leaving for America in less than a week, and I'm really excited about that. 

Nardole: I told you, I get to show off all my waistcoats. What more could I want?

You're finishing the tour with Madison Square Garden, which has already sold out. How does that feel?

Missy: I mean, the Renegades were big, but only big here really, we never quite broke into the international market. So even for me and Thete, it's utterly bonkers, it is. But as Pottsie says, in the best way.

Theodore: I'm just amazed that so many people in the world aren't sick of the sound of my voice yet, frankly.

Missy: Yeah, you do go on a bit.

Theodore: Shut up.

Missy: [fluttering eyelashes] Make me.

Nardole: [coughs pointedly]

You're touring with Ashildr, who has gained a small but passionate following of their own here in the UK, but doesn't seem to have reached many people outside of it yet. Do you think they're going to take America by storm?

Theodore: The kid's talented, no question. How many people have the guts to get up on a stage with nothing but their own voice?

Missy: They have a looping pedal. That's the entire point.

Nardole: Still, you have to admire their nerve.

Bill: I remember the first time I ever saw them perform. It just was the four of us, and Clara, who had sat us all down and dragged them onto our tour bus to make us listen to them. And Ashildr never even broke a sweat, wasn't nervous, they just did their thing, and I was… I don't even know the word.

Missy: Enraptured?

Bill: Yeah, let's go with that. Ashildr is like some kind of eerie elven princess - wait, is there a gender neutral version of princess? You know what I mean. Their music doesn't sound like it was designed to be heard by us mere mortals, you know? It's so weird and beautiful at the same time.

Ashildr's EP 'The Girl Who Died' has seen a huge boost in sales since they were announced as Event Horizon's opening act for the current tour, and since the tour has begun, nothing but overwhelming praise has been flooding in from fans and show reviewers about the solo performer's astounding live ability.

Ashildr has ended up dating Clara Oswald, isn't that correct? Who is both their manager and yours?

Missy: Oh yeah, but nothing happened until everything was all signed. It took a little while for their weird mutual pining and arguing to get anywhere.

Bill: They're one of the weirder couples I've encountered, but a really solid one. To be honest, I think the weirdness is just all Ashildr. They're just infectiously weird on principle. You think I'm kidding about the elven princess thing, but honestly, my other theory is vampire.

Nardole: I'm just relieved that the terrifying Clara Oswald has another client to shout at, now. Or, you know, a partner to calm her down. Whatever works.

Clara Oswald is terrifying?

Theodore: Completely.

Missy: Nothing scares me, but that woman commands my respect, and that's a near impossibility, so…

Bill: It's never me she's yelling at, but yeah, she's terrifying for someone so tiny, for sure.

Nardole: I'll be honest, I'm shit scared of her.

Theodore: Wouldn't trust my career to anyone else, at this point. No offense to Rani Goria intended - she did the best she could with the Renegades, but that was doomed, unfortunately.

Ah, yes, your old bandmate Harry Saxon has been making a comeback just as you two have, have you seen or heard his new material? Any thoughts?

Missy: No. Next question.

Nardole: It's not bad, actually. He's got a definite presence about him -

Theodore: We're not here to talk about the past, we're here to talk about what we're doing here and now. Do you have any more questions about this band?

Yes, actually. Everyone more or less knows the story - that you found Bill at an open mic night in Bristol, but you've never gone into much detail about it. What happened there?

Theodore: Well, I was just looking for a drink and maybe some half decent music. Open mic nights are hit and miss, usually, but I was feeling optimistic. And there she was, with a ukulele, singing her heart out and somehow having captivated an entire room.

A ukulele?

Bill: [blushing] Yeah it's… kind of my thing. Or my first instrument, anyway.

Theodore: I approached her afterwards and asked if she knew how to play bass guitar. She said no, but that she knew she could learn if she had a month and a half decent teacher. So I ensured she had two weeks, and an exceptional one.

Nardole: He means him.

Theodore: Yes, obviously. Turns out, she's a natural. And that's how we found our bassist.

Missy: She's a girl of many talents. And I'm glad that the entire internet seems to be as protective of her as we are.

Bill: Definitely didn't think I'd end up with a weird band, my weird band, as my family, but here I am. No complaints, to be honest.

Missy: Aw, Pottsie, we love you too.

Missy and Nardole wrap Bill in a hug while she giggles, in an endearing picture that has both Theo and I smiling at them. It doesn't feel that there is anything more to discuss after that, and so I thank them for their time and bid them farewell, getting another hug from Theo and also ones from Bill and Nardole. Missy gives me a nod and a smile, and leaves with her arm around Bill, while Nardole's arm has found its way around Theo's waist.

I am left slightly confused, but wholly enchanted. Perhaps I can enquire after the possibility of a backstage pass to one of their shows?

There's no question, Event Horizon are the real deal and just as tightly knit as they appear.

Chapter Text

Bill is in high spirits after what she considers a fantastic interview, but they've barely been in the hotel elevator for five seconds before Missy has slammed Nardole against a wall, something wild and furious in her eyes.

"What the hell was that?"

"What was what?!" Nardole squeaks, eyes wide with fear and confusion.

"Complimenting that piece of garbage, talking about his oh so special presence," Missy snarls, "we have a zero Saxon talk policy, remember?"

"She asked!"

"So you say no like I did, I thought you were supposed to have at least one brain cell in there-"

"Missy, that's enough," Theo says, stepping in and pulling her away from Nardole, and she shoves away from them both, scowling. "Let it go. And Nardole, just… please don't do it again, yeah?"

There's a strange, quiet plea in his request, and Nardole blinks at him curiously, defensiveness falling away.

"Yeah, alright," he says, frowning. "I'm sorry."

Theo nods, zero accusation in his eyes. "It's alright. Missy and I are going to go for a walk. You and Bill have… I don't know, hot chocolate or something."

"I don't want to go for a walk," Missy retorts, crossing her arms. There's a strange, nervous energy about her - it makes Bill think of a caged animal wanting to lash out. A deceptively dangerous animal. 

"Too bad," Theo says, pressing a random button on the elevator, a few floors higher than their suite. "Walk. Now."

She grumbles, but acquiesces, and Bill sees him take her hand as Bill and Nardole leave the elevator, leaving them behind.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" Nardole asks as they head to the large suite they're all sharing. He looks worried.

Bill looks at him with surprise. "Nah, mate, I'm as confused as you are right now." She gives him a hug, feeling like he needs one. He lets out a little sigh and hugs her back. "Look, I didn't think the Saxon thing was a big deal either, when they mentioned it. It just sounded like they figured it wasn't professional to talk about him, since we know things with him didn't end great. It didn't sound like one of them was going to go mental if we accidentally did mention him."

"Well, that's what happens when you keep secrets, I suppose," Nardole says, shaking his head. "People get confused, and people get hurt."

Bill frowns, having not really thought of the whole Saxon thing as a secret that Theo and Missy were keeping, but she can't really deny the accuracy of the term.

It's unsettling, somehow.

The internet goes nuts with the new interview, of course.

@songsmithfy - okay but how does no one see how obviously Theo wrote Hell In High Heels for River

@yikes_lou - how dare Bill tell Missy to stop touching her leg doesn't she know we're all Suffering

@whifferdills - this interview has given me excellent Theodole fodder

@queenbaloo (replying to whifferdills) - lmao why are you like this and why do I find it so funny/abstractly support it

@whifferdills (replying to queenbaloo) - idk pal but I appreciate it I love my soft boys

"Aww, nice," Nardole remarks, when Bill shows him the new Theodole tweets, which while few in number, are incredibly excited about Sarah Jane's line about him having an arm around Theo's waist. "Whifferdills is great."

"Don't you talk to her in your DMs sometimes?"

"Possibly," Nardole sniffs, "she makes for excellent absurdist conversation."

"You're excellent absurdist conversation," Missy mutters, but she does so while throwing a piece of fruit at him, which he catches, and he beams at her, making her roll her eyes. To Bill's practiced eye, this means that Nardole is for the most part forgiven, which is a relief for everybody involved.

Clara and Ashildr enter the hotel suite, giggling about something in their disgustingly cute way. Ashildr sits down next to Bill and nudges her shoulder.

"Nice interview, Potts," they say. "Sarah Jane really painted a nice picture of you."

"As she well should," Missy remarks.

"Well, we come bearing news," Clara says to the group, "given how excited people have gotten about this collabed song, River is doing an interview on Amy's show tonight."

Amy Pond, once frontwoman of the fleetingly successful band Amy and the Babes (their most famous song being 'Geronimo', but Bill had always found 'Poncho Boys' to have a more interesting beat, personally), is these days a semi-successful radio personality who covers all forms of media, but focuses on music.

Bill can't exactly contest the entertainment value of a mad and gorgeous Scotswoman, for fairly obvious reasons.

"Guess we know what we're doing tonight, then," Bill remarks. "River is a riot on her own, but her and Amy together are hysterical."

So after spending a while alone in her room trying to work on her song, to little avail, Bill reconvenes with the others in the living area in order to crowd around the laptop livestreaming Amy's radio show.

"Hellooooooooo everyone! Amy Pond here, your favourite mad Scotswoman that was handed a radio show by some similarly mad, poor soul who has since wisely scarpered. I hope everyone is having an awesome night, because I'm about to make it even better, because my cousin's here. You know, nothing major, just my awesome cousin River Song!"

Theo, who had been a mentor of sorts to Amy once, grins just a little.

"It's quite nice to be introduced as something as mundane as a cousin, for once."

"Well, alright, you've written a couple of alright songs too, I suppose, and your voice isn't bad-"

"Thank you, darling, I appreciate the high praise."

"In case anyone cares to know, River was the one kissing a lot of my bruised knees when I was a tiny kiddo. She also gave me excellent advice on how to sneak out the house to parties. Not that I'm suggesting that is a good thing for any of my younger viewers to try. Absolutely not worth it at all."

"Ask your parents, kids, it'll make your life much easier, trust me."

"That is actually true. But anyway, enough about us. We're here to talk about the fact that you got namedropped in a big interview with Event Horizon a few days ago. Apparently you didn't just help them sing 'Hell In High Heels', you actually inspired it."

"Frankly, I thought it was fairly obvious already. Anyone who has spent five minutes talking to me could listen to that song and instantly think it was about me."

Theo lets out a little snort of agreement, and everyone in the room shares little smirks, because it really has always been obvious to them.

"And are any members of Event Horizon lucky enough to know you well enough to 'kiss her like the world is ending'?"

"Where's the fun in telling you that? Besides, the song also talks about a whole lot of forever or years and years, and you should know by now that I'm not the type to be pinned down - well, not like that, anyway. Creative license, dear."

"If you say so, but nothing is going to quell all those internet rumours. That Songsmith lot have gone mental since this came out."

"Yes, but everyone's just as convinced that he's shagging Missy as they are that he's shagging me, so it's fine. It's hilarious, really, how much time and libido do they think he has? Theodore Smith is the most obscenely awkward person I've ever met - which is impressive since he's also one of the most charismatic."

"The duality of man."

"I'm not quite sure that he thinks of himself as entirely a man, but yes, the point stands."

Theo chuckles a little.

"She's a good liar, that one, I'll give her that," Missy says, as she eats an apple with a knife, lounging on the window seat like she owns it, which she more or less does. "Anyone who doesn't know better really would think you're too busy for even one woman."

"Better they think I'm too busy than to think I'm some kind of womaniser," Theo replies, making a disgusted face as the mere thought.

"Pretty sure no one will ever think that," Bill says, snorting.

"They did, back in the day, for some reason," Missy remarks, shaking her head. "I always figured it was because he was a gorgeous rockstar who naturally got on better with girls."

Theo turns pink, and the others laugh at him.

"It's one hell of a song, though. People are going nuts for it already. When are you going to film the music video?"

"Well, the problem is that they're on tour at the moment, so essentially we've blocked out a week in Utah where we're going to film it. So that's going to be a week of absolute madness, but should be a load of fun."

"Why Utah?"

"It's just around where they're going to be when we can fit in a tour break, I think, but you'd have to ask Theo about it, it was his idea."

"Yeah, why Utah?" Bill asks Theo, who just shrugs.

"Why not?"

Missy mutters 'rock kink' under her breath and is rewarded with Nardole choking on his tea and Theo rolling his eyes at her nonsensical comment. Bill and Ashildr just grin at each other. 

"Are you sure that you and Song are actually going to be able to keep your hands to yourselves in front of a whole film crew?" Missy asks Theo.

"I'll keep her in line, don't worry," he says with a smile.

"I'm still convinced you've designed this video specifically to make me suffer," Bill complains. "You realise that giving your wife permission to flirt with me and get handsy with me on camera is going to result in my fastracked lesbian death, right?"

"You'll survive," Theo says wryly.

"I also will be suffering, as I have to pretend to also be attracted to River Song, which is disgusting," Missy says, making everyone in the bus stare at her. "What?"

Bill has never seen Theo's eyebrow lifted with such utter scepticism before, but it's hilarious.

"You smell that? That complete disbelief and scent of bullshit?" Ashildr asks.

"Yep," Clara and Bill says, grinning.

"I am not attracted to River Song," Missy insists, eating more of her apple and scowling at them all. "I am attracted to the idea of impaling her with a sharpened microphone stand."

"I have several scarring memories that would say otherwise," Nardole says thoughtfully.

"Shut it, you," Missy snaps.

Bill decides to pretend she never heard that or saw Theo's fleeting, minuscule smirk. Her sanity depends on it.

She turns her attention back to the radio show, where Amy and River are sharing some anecdote from their childhood and making each other roar with laughter. Soon the entire tour bus is laughing too, with great fondness for their friend, or in Missy's case, an appreciation for a good scandalous antic.

Once the interview is finished, everyone heads off to their rooms except for Theo, Nardole and Bill. Mainly because they'd ended up in a comfy setup where Bill and Nardole were on each side of Theo, heads on his shoulders. No one seems overly keen on moving.

"Your wife is the best," Bill says, absently. "Wife goals, honestly." She says that, and yet, she's thinking about Star Girl again. Sappy gay - no, sappy sapphic, ha! - fantastical thoughts that she's too tired to not indulge.

"I know," Theo says, only a hint of smugness in his drowsy voice.

Bill eventually gets up and stretches, but finds herself too taken with the image before her. Nardole is happily snuggled up to Theo's side, and both of them have completely dozed off.

Bill takes a picture and posts it to Instagram.

@pottsalotts -  they're so cute, help #eventhorizon #theodole

Instantly, responses flood in, as her Instagram is linked to her twitter.

@whifferdills - my boys!

@crystal_ss -  awwwwwwww

@yikes_lou - this is the wholesome content I'm here for

@girldressedinblack - omgggg

@hollowshadowwolf - this is too cute to be allowed

There are a lot of responses that are just a picture of the 'cutest shit I've ever seen' meme.

Bill creeps out towards her room, but comes to a halt when she hears strangely warm laughter coming from Missy's room. It's definitely Missy's laughter too, Bill's just never heard anything like it before.

"No, honestly, he did," Missy is saying, as Bill creeps closer to satisfy her insatiable curiosity. "The look on his face. Classic." There's a pause, and when Missy next speaks, there's a tinge of sadness to her voice. "Yeah, me too. You know why no one can know. I should let you sleep, though. Talk in a couple of days? Or whenever." Pause, and then she sounds happier. "Alright, tomorrow if anything of note occurs. Goodnight. Hmm mm. Love you too."

Bill stands outside the door, so bewildered she doesn't know how to think.

She's never heard Missy talk to anyone like that. Well, not anyone except Theo, anyway.

…. is it possible that Missy has a secret girlfriend? Boyfriend? Partner of indeterminable gender?

With how polyamorous most of their immediate social circle is, it doesn't make any sense that Missy would bother to keep something like that a secret, but then it is Missy. She doesn't tend to be forthcoming about any personal information.

The idea of Theo not knowing about anything this significant is simply too odd to comprehend, though. Maybe 'anyone' automatically means 'anyone but Theo' in Missy's books? That sounds reasonable, which allows Bill to relax a fraction, assuming that Theo is clued in about this, but most of her is still consumed with bemusement.

Bill heads to her room and falls asleep with her head full of questions.

The next morning, Bill emerges into the suite living space to find their head of security, Jack Harkness, lounging on the couch with Theo and laughing about something probably wildly inappropriate.

"Hey, Jack," she says, and he beams upon seeing her.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite unattainable beauty," he says, making her roll her eyes and mutter 'men' on her way to make tea.

"What are you doing here so early?" Bill asks Jack.

"Couple of fans managed to track you guys down, I've been dealing with excitable teenage sapphics all morning and telling them - politely - that they have to wait outside, and that I can't promise you'll come down."

Bill feels that rush of warmth that comes with knowing that she's actually important and inspiring to people.

"Should I go too?" Missy has appeared, yawning and with her mass of hair completely disheveled. It shouldn't be attractive. It absolutely is.

"You're assuming she's going to go down," Jack points out.

Missy smirks. "She's the queen of the lesbians. Of course she is."

"Look, I know you didn't mean it like that, but if we could keep the innuendo entirely away from discussions about teenage fans, that'd be great," Bill says, frowning at them.

Theo nods. "Agreed."

"Sorry, Pottsie," Missy says, coming to join her in the kitchen, stroking a hand down the small of Bill's back and making Bill spill hot tea down herself. Bill bites her lip to stopper the sound of pain that threatens to escape her, and she hides her flush of mortification as she sees Theo snorting at her moment of gay panic.

"Don't say a word," Bill says to him. "I'm going to get dressed."

She goes back to her room and pulls on jeans and a colourful t-shirt, before heading back out and going into the bathroom to put on her makeup.

"Ready to go?" Jack asks, as she emerges feeling ready to face down some fans.

"You coming?" Bill asks Missy.

"I'll be right behind you, just need to finish this darling little cup first-"

"Missy, what did I say about the coffee?" Theo is already on his feet and crossing to Missy, who is now clutching the mug to her chest and putting on her best pout as way of trying to appeal to him. There's a solid fifty percent chance it'll work.

Bill chuckles and leaves the hotel room with Jack at her side, and they head down in the elevator.

"How are things with you, anyway?"

"Oh, you know me, Princess, can't complain," Jack says, grinning. "How are you?"

"In a constant state of gay crisis," Bill mutters.

Jack laughs heartily. "So, the usual then."

"Pretty much, yeah."

The elevator doors ping open, and Bill and Jack cross the lobby, earning a couple of interested looks from people they pass. Bill's gotten pretty good at ignoring all the double takes, now. They walk to the exterior doors, where outside, a good dozen girls are waiting, and they squeal at the sight of Bill, who finds herself beaming at the sight of them.

"Hey!" she says, approaching them and giving Jack a quick look to let him know that she's okay as they all start to surround her.

"Hi!" several of them say, looking to be near bursting with excitement.

"Is it just you?" someone asks.

"I was told it was mostly a bunch of baby sapphics down here, so yeah, just me," Bill says with a grin, and they all laugh. "Missy said she would follow us down, but she's in trouble with Theo for drinking coffee, so it might be a while."

"Can't she just drink what she likes?"

"Nope, because she's a glorified nutcase and her having coffee means none of us will get any rest for the whole day," Bill says flatly, even if she appreciates the feminist attitude behind the question.

The fans all seem to find that very amusing, and she goes about getting selfies with them all, and signing photos and albums they've brought.

"You guys coming to the show tonight?" she asks.

They all nod eagerly.

"How's your song coming?" asks a girl who has been quiet up until this point.

"Gay snail pace," Bill replies, sighing. "Writing songs is so difficult, I swear, I appreciate Theo and Missy so much more, now."

"Is the song for Missy?"

Bill just grins. "Come on, that'd be telling."

"Did I hear my name?"

Missy, naturally, can't make an entrance in any other way but striding through the doors and spreading her arms in a 'yes, I'm here' gesture that has Bill rolling her eyes. Stupid smug hot asshole.

The girls erupt into squeals again and most of them run over to her.

"Not under her spell?" Bill asks the one girl who is left standing by her. She'd been the one to ask about why Theo had anything to do with what Missy was allowed to drink.

The girl, who has dark skin and microbraids spilling down her back, just shrugs. "Don't get me wrong, she's wicked," she says, grinning. "But now I get to talk to you by myself because they all got totally gay distracted. So who's the real winner?"

Bill chuckles. "You'll go far. What's your name?"

"Tanya. I've got a VIP ticket for tonight, so I guess I'll see you later. I'm really keen to meet Theo, he seems really cool," she says.

"Cool is one word, giant nerd are two more that work," Bill replies, earning a little snort from Tanya.

"Well, I'm a giant nerd, so that works."

"Honestly, so are all of us," Bill says. "I'll never quite be sure how a group of hugely queer nerds got to be so popular."

"It's because we're pretty," Missy says, as she comes to join them, bringing the other fans with her. "Well, three of us, anyway. But Nardole makes his own weird thing work."

Bill laughs. "You might be onto something, there."

"Of course I am, I'm right about everything, all the time," Missy says, smiling at her. "Speaking of which, we've got a lot to do, today, I'm afraid, and need to be heading off." She turns her attention back to the fans. "We'll catch you lovely dears at the show tonight, yeah?"

"Could we get a group picture, really quick?" someone asks.

Jack is more than happy to quickly snap one of the group, with Bill and Missy in the middle, and then the girls disperse as the three adults head back inside and towards the elevator.

"God, they're all going to lose their precious tiny minds, tonight," Missy says, shaking her head, sounding pleased. "When River shows up for Hell In High Heels, that is."

Bill, having been looking forward to their first performance of the collaboration for the tour, nods with agreement, and finds herself grinning. Things are always more fun with River around.

Also, there's every chance that Star Girl will be at the concert. The thought makes Bill's heart pound, and she bites her lips and curses the fact that this mysterious girl has such a complete hold on her, when they've never spoken two words.

But it feels like they've spoken so much more than that, with just their eyes. But how much of that actually happened, and how much of it has been in Bill's literal numerous dreams about her?

"Ooh, I know that look," Missy murmurs, and Bill turns her head to blink at her.

"You what?"

"You really need to get that song done, Pottsie," she says, patting Bill on the arm before exiting the elevator after Jack, leaving Bill to follow.

"Look, just because you're a literal goddess of the music world with your weird but super deep songs that you can write in half an hour," Bill tells her, with irritation, as they reenter the hotel room, "and your voice and your face and your fingers-"

Missy turns around to lift an eyebrow at her, and Bill realises that she's gotten slightly gay side-tracked from her original point, and groans, flushing horribly.

"Shut up," Bill says, covering her eyes and heading for her room.

"You're so adorably hopeless, dear."

"Shut up shut up shut up," Bill repeats, heading to her bedroom and closing the door.

She collapses on her bed and ponders the possibility of Missy being some kind of seductive demon sent specifically from Satan himself to distract Bill from ever being able to keep a coherent train of thought ever again.

Weirder things have happened, frankly. She's a famous pop star and lesbian icon, for one, which is still the most bonkers thing that could ever happen, ever.

Also, Nardole is a person that actually exists. That will never not be weird.

Chapter Text

River Song gives amazing hugs.

Although Bill is not short on great hugs, since her fellow band mates are also excellent huggers, there's something special about River's, because she's soft where Theo and Missy are angular. And where Nardole is… Nardole, River smells like vintage perfume and something earthy, and -

Yes, alright, and she's an incredibly beautiful woman and Bill is the biggest lesbian to ever exist. Whatever.

"How are you, darling?" River asks her, eyes warm as she lets go of her. Her hands linger on the tops of Bill's arms.

"Pretty good," Bill says. "Pumped to sing this song with you properly."

"Me too," River replies, smiling widely. "Now, you remember Helen?"

Lingering behind River in the doorway is a vaguely familiar figure. They've only met once or twice before, but, you know, she's an attractive woman who Bill knows spends some of her time kissing River Song, so she was hardly going to forget.

Helen Sinclair is around thirty, and fair haired, hair up in a casual bun with wispy bits escaping. Her high cheekbones compliment an approachably pretty face and soft eyes over a thin, clever mouth. Bill is fairly sure she's the co-writer for a lot of songs on River's latest album, 'Loving The Stars Themselves'.

"Hello Bill," Helen says.

"Hey," Bill says, giving a little wave. "How's River's first favourite lesbian?"

Helen laughs a little, seeming a bit embarrassed. "Oh, uh, marvellous, I suppose. It's rather exciting, isn't it? The collaboration, live for the first time."

"Yeah, I can't wait, plus she sounds great with some of our other songs too," Bill agrees.

"She sounds great with everything," Helen says, with a funny little sigh.

River flutters her eyelashes at them both. "Flatterers."

"Right, and you'd know nothing about that," Helen says wryly, making River throw her head back and laugh.

"I don't know what you mean, darling," she says, her hand absently pushing a rogue strand of hair from Helen's face, the touch gentle and making Helen smile for a brief second. River then turns back to Bill. "Now, where is that husband of mine?"

"Last I saw, he was patting down Missy to stop her sneaking maracas and a kazoo on stage," Bill says.

Helen laughs, only to see Bill's deadpan expression. "Oh, wait, you're serious."

"You haven't met Missy yet, have you?" Bill asks.

"No, I've not yet had the, er, experience," Helen says, clearing her throat. "I've heard interesting things, though."

"Oh, I can only imagine the bitching about me that Song indulges in when not around my friends," says a distinctive Scottish voice from behind her, making Helen jump a mile.

"Oh!" Helen steps several steps back - possibly instinctively moving towards River in the face of a surprise.

"Speak of the devil and she'll appear," River mutters.

Missy smirks. "But of course." She turns her attention to Helen, eyes giving her a very slow, deliberate once over. "Well well, you must be the girlfriend one. Miss Helen Sinclair." She stretches out a hand like she's some kind of nobility in an old novel. "Charmed."

Helen blinks at her, takes her in, and then swallows as she shakes Missy's hand delicately. "As am I. You're… somehow not what I expected. But then, I'm not remotely sure what I did expect."

"I try to pirouette around expectations, they're so terribly mundane," Missy replies, smiling.

"Quite," Helen says. There's a dazedness to her, a flush in her cheeks, that Bill immediately recognises. There's a swoop of vindication in her chest. She knows that face.

"Oh dear, I forgot to tell you how infuriatingly attractive most people find her," River says, sighing and touching Helen on the shoulder. "Should have warned you, darling. Sorry."

Missy chuckles and Helen flushes, ducking her head and stepping out of Missy's reach.

Bill is sure of one thing. She needs to make friends with Helen Sinclair immediately. She has a wonderfully diverse array of friends, but she does not have another hopeless lesbian in her close circle, and that needs to change.

Missy turns her attention to Bill. "Bill, dearest, will you come help me into my corset?"

Helen lets out the tiniest of squeaks, before turning bright red and hurrying to busy herself with something on her phone so that she doesn't have to look anyone in the eye after that.

Bill, with greatly practiced calm, manages to just cross her arms and lift an eyebrow at Missy. "You are 100% capable of getting into that corset on your own. I know an attempt to fluster me just for fun when I see it, you know. No deal."

Missy pouts. "You're no fun."

With that, she leaves, and River looks to Bill with faint surprise.

"Impressive self-control," she says.

"It's called preservation instincts."

"Well, that too, I suppose. Still." River gets a funny gleam in her eye. "Even I'm not totally immune to the idea of her in a corset. And I… well, no, hate is the wrong word. There's definitely not a word for our relationship."

"Frenemies? With extremely spaced out benefits?" Helen suggests.

"Right, cool, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that last part," Bill says, moving to grab her water bottle and taking a large chug, wishing it were something much more alcoholic.

"Sorry," Helen says, making a face.

"For what? I didn't hear anything," Bill says, pointedly, and Helen thankfully nods, while River chuckles to herself a little.

"I'm going to go and find the idiot, I'll catch you two in a bit," River says, and she grins at them. "Don't have too much fun without me."

With a salacious wink, she heads out of the doorway of Bill's sizable dressing room, leaving Helen and Bill alone. Helen seems a bit thrown at the new circumstance, but covers it quickly.

"And then there were two," she says, with a nervous little smile.

"I spend literally all of my time around mad, loud bisexuals and their variants, you will not catch me complaining about getting normal, quiet lesbian company," Bill tells her with a chuckle, moving to sit down in her chair. "Sit wherever you like, by the way."

Helen laughs a little, and seems rather reassured as she sits down. "Well, when you put it like that. I suppose if Missy and the others are anything like River… that does seem rather a lot to deal with."

"Wait, but you've met Theo, right?" Bill asks.

"Oh, yes, of course," Helen says, nodding. She smiles and tucks some hair behind her ear. "He's always been charming, and lovely, with me. River says uncommonly so. I suppose he wanted to be sure that I was comfortable, given the whole unconventional arrangement."

"He's good like that, yeah," Bill agrees. "He's the best person I know, probably. And I never thought I'd ever say that about a - well, okay, man is debatable, when it comes to him, but you know what I mean. About someone who isn't some amazing woman."

"I do know what you mean, yes."

Bill considers Helen, curiously. She's wondered for a while what this woman could be like. She didn't just catch River's attention, she kept it, and that's no easy feat. Bill's seen the way River talks about Helen, or how she looks when she's on the phone to her, and the only way Bill can describe it is smitten. And it's adorable, but it's beyond weird, because it's so different to how she is with Theo.

Bill supposes she had been assuming that Helen would be this strange, huge personality, like all of the others in their circle. Instead, she's amazingly… normal. Normal other than the fact that somehow, she got River Song to fall ass over heels for her, and now enjoys the coveted privilege of getting to kiss River Song on a regular, agenda-free basis. Not that Bill's jealous, or anything. Nope.

"Wait, hang on, you're a massive songwriting whizz, right?" Bill asks, realising the obvious.

"The logistical aspects of it are my area of expertise, yes," Helen replies.

"Okay, lesbian to lesbian, can you please help me with this song I'm trying to write for this girl," Bill asks, getting up and grabbing her notebook. "Turns out, writing songs is… really hard. I don't think I have the knack for it."

"Oh, alright, let me have a look," Helen says with interest, and Bill hands her the notebook and tries not to freak out as her eyes scour the pages. "Hmm. I like some of the ideas you've got in here, you're just a bit unpracticed at applying them. May I have a pencil and permission to erase, if I discuss with you and explain as I go?"

"Go for it," Bill says, grabbing her the pencil and coming to sit next to her.

"Alright, songwriting crash course for lesbians, coming up," Helen says under her breath, a wry smile on her lips, and Bill laughs as they start to go through the song together.

"Hellooooo London!"

Theo has the microphone, and is grinning at the audience after they've opened the show with one of their most beloved songs, 'Smile Even When It Hurts'.

"Now, we actually have a bit of a surprise for you tonight," he says, with his classic shit-eating grin. "I'm not sure if you've heard of her, but I have this friend-"

"Sorry, sweetie, I'm going to have to stop you right there, I don't let men introduce me."

River's voice rings out across the stadium from her personal microphone as she strides onstage, and the crowd absolutely loses it. The noise is deafening. River comes to stand next to Theo and just grins out at them all, waggling her fingers in a little wave as she waits for the noise to die down.

"Hello everyone," she says, a little breathlessly. "You know, it's odd, I'm really not used to having to share the limelight at these sorts of things."

She's wearing a classic River Song show outfit - a sleeveless silver minidress covered in sequins, and knee-high heeled boots. Her hair is as wild and beautiful as ever, and her lips are as red as Missy's.

"Now, me and this lot wrote a little song together a while back, maybe you've heard it?"

The crowd cheers again, and she laughs.

"Wonderful. Well, in that case, we'd like to afford you all the honour of being the first to hear us perform it live. Nardole, get us going, will you?"

With that, they launch into the song, and it's the most fun Bill can ever remember having in their whole time performing. River just adds a whole new level of energy to the stage, and the fans heighten it all to levels you can't imagine during rehearsals.

River strides around, flirting outrageously with Theo and Bill in turn, and even Missy in a few spots. Missy plays off as seeming indifferent, but in a theatrical sort of way, and River always just laughs. Her stage relationship with Nardole is playful and friendly, and they're both grinning like idiots.

It isn't hard for Bill to sing about how River is a gorgeous, infuriating enigma, and she nearly misses a line when River comes up to her and kisses her cheek, much to the delight of the audience.

When the song finishes, the crowd screams and they bask in the high of it all.

"Thank you very much for having me, Theo," River says, smiling.

"Thank you very much for coming."

"I suppose I'll be off now?"

Theo makes a big show of shrugging. "I mean, I don't know. Since you're here, you could stick around, help us sing some of the other songs."

"Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't want to get in your way," River purrs, stepping closer to him, and he just grins.

"Hard to imagine you doing that."

Missy rolls her eyes. "Look, if you two start sucking face, I'll not be responsible for what I do to Bill right here on top of this keyboard."

"Um," is all the Bill is able to say.

River snaps out of her flirty reverie and just turns to laugh at Missy. "Me? And Theo? Oh honey, do you really think grey stick insects are my type?"

"Well, that's hurtful," Theo mutters.

"I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL THEO!" someone shouts, some dude completely covered in blue and green paint and sequins, who Bill swears she has seen before. She's pretty sure his twitter handle is something about being an emperor. Or algae. One of the two. Probably not both.

"Thank you!" Theo says hotly.

Bill takes this chance, while the others keep bantering, to scour the crowd near the front for Star Girl. Sure enough, her eyes fall on the girl with a soft halo of golden hair and those amazing eyes. Bill loses her breath again for a moment, and then smiles, probably looking idiotic or besotted or some weird combination of the two.

Bill takes a chance and gives her a little wave, and the girl bites her lip through a grin and waves back a little. Feeling greatly encouraged, Bill winks at her. Badly. Still, it makes the girl laugh, so its one hundred percent worth however stupid she might look (hopefully no one caught it on camera).

"We've lost Bill, she's flirting with a pretty girl in the audience," Missy drawls.

Bill turns around so quickly it hurts her neck. "Was not," she lies.

"You're a baaaad liar, Pottsie, you're lucky you're cute," Missy says, grinning when some people cheer. Bill glances back at Star Girl, only to find her gone, but a few more glances has seen her just move back and to the side a little bit, probably to stop people from knowing she might have been the one Bill had been flirting with. Smart.

Reassured, Bill turns her attention back to the band.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter, because it's time for a personal favourite of mine, I'm sure you all know the one," Missy says.

They launch into 'The Bitch Is Back', one of Missy's sole songwriting works from the album, and it's an instant success. River wisely relegates herself to harmonies for the majority of the song, apparently not stupid enough to steal attention away from Missy in her starring number.

Missy leaves the keys behind and takes a microphone to strut around the stage, and flings her jacket off to reveal the corset she's in, and the crowd screams. She does look phenomenal.

Naturally, she can't resist flirting with Theo throughout the song, in front of River, and at the end of the first chorus, she pulls him into a rough, messy kiss that catches him by surprise. The lead guitar part falters as one of his hands automatically reaches for his waist as he kisses her back.

The crowd's screams are as loud as when River had first come on, and Missy grins as she releases a slightly dazed looking Theo, who hurries to get his hands back on his guitar.

"I dunno what River's on about, to be honest, he's quite pretty," Missy remarks, before going into the second verse and making her way over to Bill, who senses her gay death coming a little while before it actually happens.

Sure enough, with Bill's harmonies in the second chorus, when it fades out, Missy takes her by the chin and kisses her firmly, even slipping Bill a bit of tongue, making her jump.

Bill's never kissed Missy sober before, but then, the show atmosphere is so intoxicating that she can't be sure that 'sober' is the right work to describe her state of being. All the same, her heart pounds in her chest as she eagerly kisses Missy back, a jolt going through her at the feeling of Missy's soft lips on hers, demanding in the most wonderful way.

When Missy releases her, Bill can barely remember how to breathe, let alone play the guitar.

"Well done, dear, you just broke the bass guitarist," River says, rolling her eyes.

Bill manages to returns to her sense, and realises how it might look to Star Girl that she's just had her world rocked by a kiss from another woman. She immediately seeks out her face in the group, finds it, and is quick to give her a somewhat apologetic look. Thankfully, Star Girl just grins and shakes her head.

The rest of the concert goes off without a hitch, River's input making the songs wonderfully fun and with an extra vocal layer that Bill personally loves a lot. They finally put the crowd goodnight and head backstage to get changed and prepare for the meet and greets for those with VIP tickets.

Bill gets into her overalls with the rainbow heart patch on the front pocket and heads out of her dressing room. She immediately stops when she hears odd sounds coming from down the hallway, and heads towards them.

"Oh, River," says a soft voice, "oh, you were so wonderful up there, I - oh-"

Bill recognises the voice as Helen's, and spots some of River's hair behind a stack of boxes, and feels herself flush horribly as she catches a few sweet murmurings of River's and more obscene little noises from the both of them.

Bill backs off, uncomfortably turned on as much as she is mortified and horrified, and heads to find Theo, Missy and Nardole instead.

Problem is, when she stops outside of Missy's room, she hears an extremely loud 'oh Thete, yes' and feels nauseous.

"Oh my god," Bill says. "What is with everyone tonight?" She backs up, wondering if it would be a wrong decision to spontaneously buy a ticket to New Zealand and live out her days as a peaceful, lonesome lesbian hermit among sheep and hobbits.

She could date a hobbit. Hobbits were nice, and liked to just chill and eat food. Oh yeah, she could definitely marry a nice lady hobbit and live happily in some house where she has to duck down inside it for her entire life.

She's so busy contemplating her newfound hobbit marriage plans that she doesn't see Nardole until she walks into him.

They both scream at the top of their lungs, horrific screams that echo through the barren corridor of the stadium.

"Oh god, you look awful, what happened to you?" Nardole asks, frowning at her.

"The others, they're, um-" Bill coughs, making a face and feeling her cheeks flood with warmth and colour.

Understanding immediately dawns on Nardole's face, and he just sighs. "Celebrating sexually?"

"Urghh," Bill says. "I don't want to think about them doing that. Ever. Not even Helen and River - I don't care how gay I am, I don't have a voyeuristic bone in my body, I don't want to know about anyone else's-"

She turns around and sees Clara and Ashildr, and nearly cries with relief.

"Did you guys know you're my favourite couple?" Bill asks, making them lift eyebrows at her. "You know why? Because I know nothing about your sex life. I don't even know if you have a sex life, and I don't want to, because it's not my business, and you know it's not my business, and you do it or don't do it somewhere else, like normal, respectful people-"

"Everyone else is having sex right now, aren't they," Clara says flatly.

"Yeah, little bit," Nardole replies, making Ashildr cough to hide their laugh.

"I hate them so much," Clara mutters. "Okay, look, can you three just get to the meet and greet? I'll deal with the others."

"Are you going to-"

"Possibly," Clara says, shifting her posture into her 'I'm the boss' stance, with a grim determination that doubles Bill's respect for her on the spot. "Not sure. Hoping to avoid it, but not afraid of it if it comes to that."

"Missy might actually try and murder you if you interrupt her having sex," Bill tells her, but Clara is already striding off.

"Let me worry about her, Bill, you just go and do your thing, alright?"

Bill turns to Ashildr. "You'd tell me if you were actually married to a tiny, scarier version of Wonder Woman, right? We're friends, you'd tell me that."

Ashildr just grins and taps their pierced nose. "Come on, Potts, we're already late."

The three of them head to the meet and greet room, much to the obvious relief of Jack and his security team, and the room erupts with shouts of excitement. They split up to attend to their personal queues, and Bill finds herself looking for Star Girl again, but to no avail.

There is a familiar face in her group, though.

"Hey, it's Tanya, right?" Bill asks when the girl gets to the front of her line.

"Yeah," Tanya says, grinning. "That show was so good. River's so funny. And you did well out of it, getting a kiss from Missy and all."

Bill flushes. "Yeah, that was… interesting."

"That actually convinced me you two aren't dating," Tanya says, making Bill cock an eyebrow at her. "You looked way too surprised, and like she'd just given you a gay heart attack."

"Something like that," Bill mutters, chuckling.

"Got some theories about the others, but to be honest, I don't really think it's any of my business, so," Tanya says, shrugging.

"Reasonable of you," Bill says, impressed.

"Thanks. Anyway, I'll let you get back to everyone else, I think I've had more than my fair share of your time today," Tanya tells her sheepishly. "Thanks. I mean, I already said that. But. You know."

As she's heading off, that's when Bill spots Theo, Missy and River entering the room. Theo has the decency to look a bit embarrassed when he catches Bill's disapproving eye, but Missy just smirks under the same attention, and River has already made a beeline for the adoring fans that had not expected to catch her (most of them being the ones that Bill has already gotten through).

"I know, was it a nice surprise?" she asks them with a big grin, hugging as many of them as her arms can manage.

Bill gives out her fair share of hugs too, and it's one of her favourite parts of the job. She spots Tanya in Theo's line, and manages to see her finally getting to meet them. They're engaged in what looks like an extremely nerdy discussion, and Bill can tell from how Theo is waving his hands around excitedly.

Missy has her hands full with her large mob of adoring fans, which while a majority of queer young women, does contain a true variety of admirers. Unlike most of the others in their social circle, she is not huge on physical contact with strangers, so she will happily take selfies with them all, but does not give out hugs except on very rare occasions. (Of course, once you're her friend, it's impossible to get her to stop touching you, rather like a cat, and Bill hasn't worked out if that's a blessing or a curse. Both, really.)

Bill finishes up with her fans and heads towards the door, and meets Theo nearby. She's about to make a snide, veiled comment about his prior activities when they catch something being said nearby.

"What was it like to work with Harry Saxon?" one of the teenage girls asks Missy eagerly. "He's still really hot now, obviously, but I've seen pictures of him from back when you guys were in the Renegades and I nearly died. What was he like back then?"

Bill might not have paid the question any mind but for how Theo's whole body stiffens. His head jerks around to look at Missy, and so Bill turns too, and they see Missy staring at the girl, stricken for a single moment before it is replaced by a strange blankness.

Theo jumps in, laughing a laugh that Bill immediately pins as rather forced. "Oh, you know old Harry, he's always been a very singular, strong personality. The three of us got up to a lot of semi-illegal things that we absolutely will not be telling you about."

The group of fans laughs, with a few titters of disappointment.

"Now, I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to steal Missy away from you now, we've got to get going," Theo adds, taking Missy by the arm and pulling her away. She goes easily enough, murmuring some vague apology to the fans as she goes.

It's then that Bill sees that Missy's hands are balled into fists.

"You guys have an awesome rest of your night, alright?" Bill says to the fans, who look disappointed but thankfully not too annoyed. "Thanks so much for coming."

She hurries out after Theo and Missy. They're walking quickly.

"Missy, you've got to get this under control, you can't freeze up like that any time somebody mentions him, it's going to keep happening-"

Missy whirls around. "You don't get to tell me that," she snarls.

"Hey, hey, is everything okay?" Bill asks.

Missy glances at Bill, and her expression shifts to something strange. She just sniffs at Bill with a kind of dismissive, aloof derision and walks off, shoving away from Theo when he tries to catch her hand. Bill can't help the intense stab of hurt in her chest. Missy's never made her feel like she's small or stupid before. Not until now.

"Okay, what the hell is her problem?" Bill asks Theo. "Like, okay, I get it, Saxon was a dick, yeah? But she's got to try and be professional about-"

"Bill," Theo says, sounding old and tired. "Please. Not today."

Bill stares at him. It's not just exhaustion in his eyes, there's something else, something she can't read. "Theo, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

His lips twitch just a little, fondly, but the smile doesn't make it to his eyes.

"It's just history, Bill. Messy, messy history."

Bill swallows. "I guess - jesus, it's Missy we're talking about here, of course it was messy. Especially if this Saxon guy is a bit of a prick. Sorry, I guess I... sort of miss the obvious sometimes, huh?"

"Don't apologise, Bill," Theo says to her, reaching out to touch her face for a moment, eyes soft. "Not ever. Alright? You're… perfect."

Bill feels a bit of a lump in her throat, unexpectedly. "Um. Okay? Thanks."

"I'll see you in a bit," Theo promises, before heading off, leaving Bill alone and confused, and not for the first time.

Chapter Text

When they reconvene later back at the hotel, things seem to be back to normal. Missy is a little quieter than usual, her smiles a little tighter, but Theo stays close to her side, and they all have a good time.

River and Helen tell some rather hilarious stories from around when they met - it had been during an absolute shitshow involving their mutual friend Johan (who is famous for forgetting the lyrics to his own songs and making up new ones on the spot, much to the chagrin of his other band members) and his recording company. Helen had been an administrative assistant at the time, while her girlfriend Liv was and still is a head technician on Johan's crew as well as the trained medic on site.

They have the whole group in hysterics, and things feel good. One by one, everyone disperses - Helen and River back to their room, Clara and Ashildr back to theirs, Jack to wherever it is that he goes - until it's just the core four left.

That's when Bill notices Missy's phone vibrating, and reaches for it.

"Missy, your phone," she says, grabbing it for her. "Do you actually have other friends outside of this group? Because I-"

Whatever she'd expected for a response, the panic in Missy's eyes is about as far from it as possible. She snatches the phone from Bill's hand before she can look at the caller ID. After a glance back at Bill that seems to reassure Missy that she hadn't seen anything, Missy relaxes a little.

"It's my sobriety sponsor," Missy replies, voice tight. "That's all. Hence: private."

Theo's expression as he regards her is impossible to decipher.

"Does this sobriety sponsor know about the colossal number of weed brownies the four of us consumed last week?" Nardole asks, frowning at her.

"Of course, it's only the coke I'm staying away from these days, remember?" Missy says, rolling her eyes. "I'm of a superior constitution and mind, I can be effectively sober and technically high and drunk out of my mind."

"I don't think that's how it works," Bill tries to argue.

"Well, don't worry your little head about it, Pottsie, trust me, I'm a rehab expert, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

Bill trails off as it becomes apparent that Missy is no longer listening to her. The older brunette is getting up and putting the phone to her ear, walking away at a rapid pace in the direction of her bedroom. Bill can't make out what she's saying, but Missy's voice sounds too soft to be dealing with a sobriety sponsor - not sarcastic or mocking in any way. Soft like… she cares about whoever is on the other end.

Having all but forgotten, Bill recalls the phone call from last night. It's the same manner of speech - the same person, surely, since Bill finds it hard enough to believe there's one person outside of their immediate social and professional circles that she talks to like that, let alone multiple.

So who is mysterious person that Missy seems to be hiding? And does Theo know or care?

"Do you know who that phone call was last night? Missy's sobriety sponsor? Was that actually true?"

At Bill's questions, Theo pauses in chewing his waffle, and River's coffee stops halfway to her mouth. They're in the suite having breakfast, Missy and Nardole having not risen yet, hence why Bill has taken advantage of their absence. 

"No idea," Theo says, shrugging. "It's Missy, it could have been anyone. She has strange friends in strange places."

"So she doesn't have, like, another… partner," Bill says slowly.

River snorts. "Not as far as I'm aware."

"No, she doesn't," Theo says with amusement. "A couple of friends with benefits in cities around the world, perhaps, but that's about it."

He sounds so effortlessly sure, and Bill wants to believe him. The problem is, that she keeps hearing Missy's I love you to that person on the phone, playing over and over in her head. Is it possible that Theo just doesn't know?

"She sounded different with them, whoever they were," Bill says. "Like she really cares about them."

"Then perhaps it is her sobriety sponsor, they've certainly been through a lot together," River mutters, making Theo frown at her. She doesn't seem to notice, or show any hint of remorse for the statement. Which, given Missy's history with addiction, is understandable enough. 

"Whatever it is, Bill, I think Missy is entitled to a few secrets, we shouldn't pry," Theo says.

"A few more on top of whatever her deal with Saxon is, you mean," Bill replies.

Theo and River both wince, the former more than the latter.

"That's different," they say, almost in unison.

"Wait, so you know about the Saxon mess details?" Bill asks River, not sure if she's surprised or not. On one hand, River always seems to know everything, but on the other, if it's as personal as it seems, it's hard to see Missy being overly keen on sharing the information with River.

River shrugs and sips at her coffee. "I'm Theo's wife, of course I know. But I'm not one to poke my nose into it."

"That's literally all you do with anything, ever."

River shrugs, making a face. "Well, here I don't. Strictly not my business."

"I understand why you're curious, Bill, but it would be appreciated if you didn't press the issue," Theo says, sighing and getting up, heading to his room.

"Fine," Bill says, sighing. "Whatever."

River clasps her shoulder as she too gets up. "Trust me, sweetie, he's right. It's for the best."

"They've been acting so weird lately."

"It's not their fault, there's been a lot going on," River says, with a little sigh. She strokes back a curl of Bill's hair. "I'm sorry if you're feeling left out, sweetie. It's just all very complicated."

"I'm not stupid-"

"And they don't think you are," River assures her, hand coming to rest on her cheek, eyes intent and warm. "That I promise you." She makes a face. "Well, perhaps Missy, in her lower moments, but she's like that about everyone. My point is, that they think the world of you. But sometimes, people have secrets, just because they're private, and that's all there is to it."

She leaves, probably to follow Theo or else seek out Helen.

Bill is left with nothing to do but steal what remains of Theo's waffles and eat them while wondering what the hell kind of secret she almost got a glimpse of on that phone screen, and wishing she'd never seen anything. These secrets are starting to pile up, and she hates it more than she can ever say without sounding like a petulant preteen wanting to be included in everything.

Between their fans and actual critical reviewers, the reception to their concert with River is overwhelmingly positive, praise pouring in about the separate performances as well as the band's chemistry with each other and River. Some reviewers seem a bit iffy about all the kissing/flirting, which is understandable since the general public isn't exactly super keen on polyamory as a concept just yet, but most reviewers seem to think it all a rather wonderful joke, or method of entertainment.

The Songsmith shippers are out full force now, after getting a proper look at their ship together onstage. Bill can't even blame them, really - the flirting had been so blatant.

@songsmithfy - ok so just saying but that flirting was so obvious

@queenbaloo (replying to @songsmithfy) - they sounded like an adorable newly married couple or something tbh (buuuut it's their business so that's all I'm gonna say)

@doctahpants (replying to @queenbaloo) - look i'm not gonna argue that there was serious flirting going on there, but the Missodore was real too

@doctahpants (replying to @doctahpants) - did you see how he just kissed her back automatically even though he was really surprised

@girlinablackdress (replying to @doctahpants)- you guys do realise they're probably faking all of it right, or at least staging it, we have no way of knowing what the truth is

@yikes_lou (replying to @girlinablackdress) - you're probably right but also Missy 100% rocked Bill's gay ass world with that kiss, just saying, there's no faking that

@crystal_ss (replying to @yikes_lou) - guess we're not focusing on the amazing performance any time soon then?

@spaceacepupper (replying to @crystal_ss) - the performance was sooooooooooo good!

@actualellewoods - River Song is QUEEN did you see my baby she slayed so hard

@spacedracula - Event Horizon's lyrics remain some of the best I've ever heard. So much nuance and yet they never feel superfluous.

 

More importantly to Bill, thanks to Helen's help her song is actually starting to take shape into something that doesn't suck. In the meantime, she's tried scouring twitter for any sign of Star Girl, but to no avail.

Why does this girl not seem to exist anywhere, except at the concerts? She isn't just a figment of Bill's imagination, right? She's sure the others have at least glimpsed her.

When she broaches the subject with Missy, the other woman just laughs.

"Oh, she's real, Pottsie, I've seen her too, several times," Missy assures her, clapping her on the back. "You're just as sane as I am."

That isn't as reassuring as Missy probably intended it.

They're flying to America for the next leg of the tour, and things still seem to be a bit off between Missy and Theo, because Missy has opted to sit next to Bill for the duration of the flight. Admittedly, they're on a private jet, but it's a small private jet that has to hold them, Clara and Ashildr.

Ashildr has claimed three seats for themself, stretched out like a cat, wearing sunglasses even though it's dark outside and dim inside, and has been typing furiously on their phone for several hours, occasionally cursing or laughing or punching the air.

"What are you actually doing?" Bill asks them, frowning.

"Online game of Dungeons and Dragons, with a group of fans," Ashildr answers. "I'm a halfling barbarian and I'm about to kill this basilisk - fuck, I rolled a one. Stupid dice bot."

"With fans?"

"They don't know it's me, they think I'm a casual Missodore shipper called Ashley," they say, smirking. "I've spent months infiltrating their ranks. Just in case we ever need a man inside the fandom."

"I think you're actually the most conniving person I've ever met," Bill says, amazed. "Including Missy."

"Thank you," Ashildr says, beaming with pride, before making an apologetic face. "Now, not to be rude, but I need to come up with a creative solution to this basilisk problem, and need to concentrate."

Bill knows a dismissal when she hears it, and goes back to her seat.

"Hey, Pottsie," Missy says, smiling at her as she sits down. "How are things?" Her gaze drifts to Theo, who is sitting across the way, his fingers ghosting across the table in front of him while his other hand is furiously scribbling. "Ooh. That looks like a new song."

"Are you mad at him?" Bill asks, not caring if it seems abrupt and out of nowhere.

"What?" Missy blinks at her. "No. No, not really. There are simply… some topics of conversation I'd prefer to steer clear of. We both have a lot to think about."

"Right, and that doesn't sound ominous at all."

"It's nothing you need to worry about, dear," Missy assures her, her hand coming to rest on Bill's leg, absently stroking her inner thigh with the lightest touch of her fingertips.

Bill nearly has an aneurysm. She shoves Missy's hand away, and stares at her incredulously. "Okay, seriously, Missy, you can't just do that. It's called, you know, consent. I know you know I'm always super into it, but that isn't the point. I cannot handle you doing that."

Missy blinks at her, looking strangely astounded as her eyes go to her hand and then Bill's leg. When she speaks, her voice is quiet, and laden with guilt. "Oh. Yes. Of course. I - I'm sorry, I didn't even realise what I-"

She flexes her hand, frowning, seeming almost disgusted with it, and balls it into a fist and rests it on her own leg.

"Hey, it's fine," Bill says quickly, worried about her reaction. "Or, you know, it wasn't exactly but-" She takes a deep breath and makes a face. "You're really, really gorgeous, and you're always touching me, and it's just confusing for me because you're my friend, you know?"

"Yes," Missy says simply, holding her gaze. "I do. I know I take it too far, sometimes, my silly teasing. I'm... sorry."

"It's okay, I know you're just being an arse," Bill replies, chuckling.

"Good."

Bill, on a whim, leans forward to kiss Missy's cheek fleetingly, and it's worth it for the utter bewilderment on Missy's face. "I know you've got a heart in there somewhere. You're just… particular about it. It's fine."

Missy touches her cheek, eyes wide in that confused way of hers. "I… well." She sniffs. "Perhaps. Don't go shouting it from any rooftops." She shifts in her seat and pulls an eye mask down over her eyes, leaning back in her seat and ending the discussion.

They end up falling asleep on each other again.

The morning after they arrive, they are guests on one of the most popular morning shows in the whole of the United States. It means getting up at a hellish hour and having to somehow try and look alive, but luckily there's makeup people for that.

Now, they are side of stage, and Bill has had coffee and tea, and things are good.

The Good Morning Peri show's somewhat cheesy music starts up, and the live audience starts cheering. From the opposite side of the stage to them, the one and only Perpugilliam Brown strides into the center, the cameras trained on her. She's a curvy woman in her late twenties with a well maintained brunette bob and a wonderful smile. 

"Hey everyone!" she says chirpily. "I hope everybody is having a Peri Good Morning!"

"Wow," Bill mutters, but the audience goes nuts for it, and Peri is laughing like a delighted dork who is far too pleased with herself. Nevermind, Peri is adorable, and Bill is gay, the horrific pun is now hilarious.

"It's her signature thing," Nardole murmurs. "I think it's sweet."

"She makes it work," Bill agrees.

"You're just saying that because she's pretty," Missy says, rolling her eyes.

"Now, I have some very special guests with me this morning, they're newly arrived all the way from good old England, it's Event Horizon!"

They enter the stage, waving and smiling at the cheering people in the seats, and across to Peri, who clasps their hands and gestures for them to sit on her long peach coloured couch.

"So, Theodore Smith, Missy Masters, Nardole Dellora and Bill Potts," Peri says, grinning as she sits down in a smaller chair opposite to them. The names fall from her tongue with ease, somehow not actually sounding rehearsed. "The stuff of legend."

Theo chuckles modestly. "Careful, Peri, you'll give us egos."

"Oh yes, because there's absolutely none of those already sitting on this couch," Nardole says dryly, eyes remaining on Theo and Missy to make his point.

"Sorry, and you aren't just as bad?" Bill scoffs.

"Well, yeah, but it's a bit difficult to side eye myself, isn't it?"

Peri just laughs. "You guys have such a famous dynamic. So much sass, but you guys really do seem like you're super close, not just coworkers."

"It's an intimate setting, in the end," Missy says, shrugging. "You're always up in each other's space, especially on a tour like this. I imagine it might be possible to do it with people you can't stand, but god, why would you want to? Why put your sanity on the line like that?"

"It probably sounds really cliched or whatever, but they are honestly my best friends in the world," Bill says. "We're family, now. And no matter what happens with the band, I know that won't change."

"That's so sweet," Peri says, after the audience 'awws' a bit. "Now, have you guys ever been to the States before?"

"Oh yeah, loads of times," Theo says.

"A few, yeah," Missy agrees.

Nardole shakes his head. "Not at all. I'm thrilled to finally make it here. Bill's a newbie too, we're taking it all in together like the tourists we are."

"First show tomorrow night, how are you feeling?" Peri asks.

"I guess I'm curious to see whether the American fans are as mental as the ones back home," Bill says, before lifting a hand and adding, "and let me make it clear that I'm saying that, like, with complete affection. I love every single one of them, they're the greatest."

"We've actually got a couple here, I think!"

That's how they end up chatting to some rather excited fans in the show audience, who stand up and get to say their little bit, and they're all beaming by the time they get back to the interview.

"So, I guess it's too much to ask that River Song might turn up at a couple of the concerts here?" Peri asks the group.

"She's a busy woman, we were lucky to get her for even one night," Theo replies. "We're on our own, over here, she's busy with her own tour coming up back in the UK."

"Fair enough," Peri laughs. "I know everyone loved your onstage dynamic with her - you especially, Theo. You know about all the people out there who think that River Song might secretly be a beau of yours, I'm sure?"

"Oh yes, I'm aware of the Songsmith lot," Theo chuckles, shaking his head. "But you know what the internet is like these days. Bill assures me that two people only need to make eye contact for somebody out there to be rooting for it as a romance. People will read into anything, and the fact is that I've always had a lot of female friends, and anyone who hasn't realised this by now hasn't been paying enough attention."

It's a fairly clever way of refuting the question without actually lying. Bill is impressed. But then, they're all getting fairly good at that, with how intense their fanbase has been getting about this lately.

"So if not River, then perhaps…" Peri looks from him to Missy, who just throws her head back and laughs.

"Me and Theo? I dunno, I've known him since he was a gangly ten year old, pretty sure his weird knees are permanently etched into my brain," Missy says dubiously. "Like, sure, he's pretty, but at what cost?"

Theo simply rolls his eyes.

"Also, Bill's probably prettier," Missy adds, making several members of the audience cheer. "Probably. I don't know, I'm always surrounded by pretty people, it's very distracting, I don't know how I'm supposed to write songs with all of that going on around me all the time, honestly."

"Don't trust anything she says," Bill says to Peri.

"Wasn't going to," Peri replies, grinning, and Bill grins back.

Once they're back at the hotel room and Bill has mostly recovered from the hug she received from Peri (who really is very lovely and pretty and soft and goddamnit), she grabs her notebook and gets back to work on her song, keeping Helen's notes and words of advice on another page for reference.

She's feeling gay inspired, and with a stupid amount of nonsensical hope that Star Girl might still be in the audience even in another country, since she'd followed them around the UK. That hope and silly fluttering in her chest makes for excellent song material, so her pen scribbles furiously.

At this rate, the song might actually be finished soon.

When she needs a break, she wanders out into the suite's living area and finds the others watching television (they've all just needed this day to finish up dealing with the jet lag), watching the coverage of a live performance of Bad Wolves and Beetles.

The band is well known, loved for its upbeat song and dramatic storylines woven into the lyrics of their songs. James Noble, the frontman, is a level of guitarist that even Theo could respect, and Bill had been crushing on literally all of the other members for a couple of years now. Rose Tyler, who wears a high ponytail like it is favourite hat, always has great eyeliner, and never stops grinning the whole time she's drumming up a storm. Then there's Martha Jones, bass guitarist and possibly the most beautiful woman Bill knows to exist. Donna Noble, James' older sister, takes the keys and makes them her own, utilising the various synth sounds without breaking a sweat, yet always strangely humble in interviews despite her loud personality. James and Rose are one of the better known celebrity couples in the world - the number of Instagram followers they have is insane, because they're always posting disgustingly cute shit.

Bill likes their sound, and she's wonderfully gay for Rose Tyler's voice, so naturally she has two whole albums of theirs on her phone.

A knock at the door has none of them moving to answer it, before Nardole eventually gets up, grumbling all the while about being their butler or something. Jack is at the door, and presents Nardole with a small, rectangular package, and gives a grin and a salute before heading off.

Nardole heads back to the couch and drops the package in Theo's lap.

"It's for you," he says.

Theo lifts an eyebrow, his hand touching it curiously until his eyes spark with faint recognition when they see something else on the packaging surface - Bill thinks it's the bit where his name is written. Is it something in the address? It looks like a proper package, how could it have been delivered when they only just arrived? What postal service is actually that accurate?

"What, what is-" Missy trails off as she leans in to get a better look. An unreadable expression crosses her face. "... don't open that in here, Thete, just take it to your room-"

Theo ignores her and starts opening the package. Inside is a small, hardcover notebook. The cover design is a badger, and a small smile curls Theo's lips as he runs his fingers across the smooth, polished surface.

"Oh," Missy murmurs.

"Alright?" Theo asks her, with faint exasperation.

Missy turns away, reaching for her wine glass, a look of tired, petty bitterness on her face. "Yeah. Fine. You know I was only-" She waves her hand. "You couldn't have known what would be inside. You shouldn't have-"

"You two are being weird again," Bill tells them, frowning. "Who the hell could send you a package here? Do you have some kind of weird stalker, Theo?"

Theo just rolls his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Bill. Do I look like the sort of person who would inspire stalkers?"

Missy mutters something about 'River Song' under her breath that everyone present decides to ignore. 

"Seriously, though, don't tell me you're keeping weird secrets too," Bill tries to say, but he just shakes his head. 

"Goodnight, Bill," he says firmly, with a little smile. "Missy. Nardole. I'm going to bed with my lovely new notebook, to dream up some new song ideas." He wiggles said notebook to emphasise his point. "Who knows? Our next big single might end up between these pages." 

"Will your door be open?" Missy asks absently.

"I suppose so."

"Good."

Bill tries not to think about why Missy wants to know that, because she has a highly visual mind and there are certain images she never wants to have in said mind. However, when she's actually walked in on them twice, it's a little difficult to keep those images at bay.

She gets up and finds the whiskey bottle and pours herself a generous measure.

"You sharing that?" Nardole asks, and so she pours him a glass too, and they toast to new countries and experiences.

Tomorrow, she will find out if Star Girl is willing to follow her over oceans as well as counties. Tonight, she will drink enough to ensure that she's asleep by the time that any sex noises might start coming from Theodore's room.

Chapter Text

Harry Saxon - A Rare Gem in an Increasingly Talentless Industry

by Maeve Kovarian for Silence Media

With the neverending tirade of immemorable girls with tiny shorts and characterless voices, and bands who think that onstage banter is a replacement for actual musical content, it is easy to despair about the future of the music industry.

Once in a while, however, there is a beacon of hope, and over the last few years, one of the brightest beacons has been Harry Saxon, returned to us after his departure from the music scene approximately 18 years ago upon the break up of The Renegades.

With his first solo album 'You Are Not Alone' being released in 2015 to great acclaim, Saxon has just released his second album 'Self-Destructive', and is reaching a new level of fame that has his concerts selling out and fans lining up for him to sign a dizzyingly large array of items, merchandise, and body parts.

Saxon takes the attention like one born for it, never lacking in a large smile for his fans, shining all the brighter as the spotlight only grows. He's just as charming one on one, as well, and greets me with a firm handshake, eyes sharp and intelligent.

So, Harry, how does it feel to be back, after so long away, now that you're settled into the fame game once again?

Oh, it's just the best. This was always my thing, you know? The crowds, the lights, the music, all the waving and all that. What can I say? The spotlight loves me.

It certainly does. How is it different, as a solo artist, compared to back in the Renegades days?

Well, I suppose it's simply that I'm not sharing the spotlight. Which for the most part suits me just fine. I do miss those days, though, it was a nice feeling to have that… team feeling. The comradery, all of that.

Your old bandmates, Theodore Smith and Melissa Masters, are now a global success with their new band Event Horizon. How do you feel about that?

Hey, they're doing their own thing, you know? It's not quite up my alley, but it's not like that matters anymore. We've done the stuff we all liked already, with the Renegades. Now we can do the stuff we wanted to do differently, on our own. It works.

We've never gotten much information about why The Renegades decided to part ways. Theodore and Melissa have been seen together occasionally over the years even before their new band, but you've never been in the picture. Theories have been that it was romantic drama, that she left you for him. What's the truth of what happened?

You know, I ask myself that all the time. Why? Why did things fall apart? I still don't really know. Everything was fine, better than fine. They were great, the two best people I knew, the best looking, the most talented, the only people in the universe I actually gave a damn about.

And then, I don't know, one day, it just… it was over. Whatever it was that had kept us together, made us so great… it was gone. And so we went our separate ways. Except we didn't, because they stayed together. [He sighs] So, I dunno, I guess I felt like I'd been abandoned. That's actually what my song 'Left For Dead' is about, you know, the last track on my first album. Because it was jarring, suddenly being alone, after being so close to them for so long.

There's a remarkable lack of anger, for what he's describing, and what there is seems justified, but much more notable is his sadness.

And you don't hold any grudges, in that respect?

Look, it was a long time ago. We're all in different places now. I'm married, and successful, I've got pretty much anything I could possibly want. They're successful and - well, honestly, I've got no idea what's going on with them personally, from what I see in the media. Am I missing something obvious? They're deliberately screwing with everyone, right?

Were they not dating when you were in The Renegades?

Look, if they've not said anything about their relationship, either back then or now, then I'm not going to say anything. It's not anyone else's business unless they say it is.

You married your wife Lucy just before the release of You Are Not Alone, and now you're quite the picturesque couple. What's the love story there? I'm sure everyone wants to know.

[He grins] Oh, you know. Boy meets girl. Girl is beautiful and man is extremely charismatic and talented, they adore each other, all of that nonsense. The sort of thing people pay to see at the cinema. That's my life now, our life, and it's perfect.

Has she inspired any of your songs?

Oh, loads. 'The Widow's Kiss' was for her. An apology after a mistake I made. She cried when I played it for her, I'll never forget that. Also ones like That Red Dress and Dancing As The World Burns. She's just… an eternal inspiration, really, how could she not be?

But not 'Perfect Ending'?

[He laughs] No.

No, I didn't think so. What did inspire that one?

That one's a little difficult to explain, I'm afraid. I think I'll leave it ambiguous. I need my air of mystery, after all.

You really do have a presence to you, we must get you on Silence's TV Spot sometime.

That would be great, wouldn't it? Well, maybe we could do that sometime.

Well, before we wrap up, I just want to talk a little more about your album. There's been some difficulty among listeners discerning some of the more abstract themes, both across the album and in the songs. Care to enlighten us?

Well, it's… it's extremely personal. Conveys a lot of things I've felt, or think I'm going to feel soon.

It's rather tumultuous. Is that your past, or future, then?

[Grinning] I'm planning on shaking things up a bit. So I suppose you'll see.

That sounds intriguing.

Well, I try.

We part ways with another firm handshake, and he gives me the kind of grin that would have one of his fans weak at the knees.

I have no doubt that we will be seeing great and interesting things from him as the year continues.

Chapter Text

Bill wakes to the sound of shouting.

She stumbles out of bed and into the living space, where Theo is trying to snatch his phone out of Missy's hand while she sidesteps his every attempt.

"Missy, don't, you're better than this-"

"I have to, I have to know what he's saying-" Missy looks down at the screen and sneers. "God, even the title makes me want to be sick."

"It's by Kovarian, of course it's going to be the exact opposite of what we want to hear," Theo says, his voice casually disdainful but his eyes carefully trained on Missy. They've both stopped moving now; he's admitted defeat at least for the moment.

"Alright, usual egotistical nonsense, I can deal with this," Missy mutters as she keeps reading whatever it is on the screen.

It isn't long before her face drops. Her eyes go strangely cold, cold and furious.

"Missy," Theo says slowly.

"Read it," she says, holding out the phone to him with a shaking hand.

Theo stares back at her. "No."

"Read it, or god help me, I will read it aloud, and Potts is going to have to watch me physically choke," Missy says dangerously, eyes flashing, and for the first time, Theo notices that Bill is present.

"Bill-"

"What is that? What are you reading? You said Kovarian. Isn't she that reporter with a massive vendetta against you and River, Theo?"

"Yeah, but it's not that," Theo says, running a hand over his face, looking exhausted. "It's Saxon. She's interviewed Saxon."

Missy shifts, like an animal about to pounce, her body tightly wound as she steps closer to Theo, still holding out the phone, hand still trembling.

"Read it. Right now," she says to him.

Theo swallows, closes his eyes for a moment in what looks like defeat and immediate regret, and takes the phone from her hand. He starts to read, and his face is like stone as he does.

He stops. Inhales deeply. Missy watches him with bated breath, eyes open and expectant.

"I see," is all that Theo says. Frustration and disbelief take over Missy's face, and there's a split second of outrage as she opens her mouth to say something.

She doesn't get the chance to get a single word out before Theo's face twists and the phone goes careening into the wall on the opposite side of the room with a crack. Bill jumps a mile and can't help the 'jesus christ' that escapes her lips. Missy, meanwhile, flinches and makes a little noise in her throat as she takes a reflexive step back.

Theo turns at the sound, and his face immediately shifts to one of shame.

"I-" He swallows hard. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Missy says softly. She has already shifted back to her usual casual, confident posture, but her eyes betray that it's at least partially a farce - they're filled with blatant worry for Theo.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Bill asks.

"That was the sound of Theo's phone screen and ability to deny the past, cracking," Missy murmurs.

Theo's jaw tightens. His face is nearly impossible to read, but his body is tense, his hands shaking. Bill has never even seen a second of rage in him until now. Anger at injustice, sure. But proper rage? This is new, and the tiniest bit terrifying. It's not alone inside him, either. Something brief, some kind of raw pain, had been visible for all of a second before it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

"Theo, seriously, what the hell is going on?" Bill says. "You're scaring me."

"I-" He looks at her, guilt in his face for a moment before it's replaced by something hard. "I need to go for a walk."

Missy nods. "Yes, let's-"

"Alone," he adds, grabbing his hoodie and heading for the door, leaving Bill with a wide eyed, bewildered Missy.

"Oh," Missy whispers. "I…" There's a powerful sadness, a power empathy in Missy's eyes that makes Bill's chest ache just to look at it. "Oh. This is… not good." Her fist clenches at her side several times while her free hand goes over her eyes tiredly. "Shit. Shit."

She looks like she's itching to punch the wall.

"What the hell just happened?" Bill asks, already searching up the article on her phone in order to try and decipher what she's just witnessed.

When Missy doesn't answer, Bill reads the article, which thankfully isn't too long. It... does nothing to help her understand. She scrolls back, to where Saxon had been downright complimentary, and begins to read aloud.

"They were great, the two best people I knew, the best looking, the most talented, the only people in the universe I actually gave a damn about-"

"Don't," Missy snarls.

"I'm just trying to understand," Bill says, feeling herself being very worked up by the whole thing and willing herself not to cry with frustration. The fact that there's tears in the corners of Missy's eyes doesn't help. "Everything he's saying is so nice-"

"Well, you can't understand," Missy says, scowling. "And don't you ever trust a single word he says. Ever. He's an expert charmer, he plays people like his stupid guitar. He has been for decades."

"Okay, but-"

"No buts," Missy tells her, all at once looking exhausted. "No anything. I need to make a phone call before I destroy everything in this room."

With that, Missy leaves the room, and Bill retreats back to her bed, confusion and uncertainty churning in her gut uncomfortably.

When going back to sleep doesn't work, Bill goes on Twitter.

@saxonite - Harry is so respectful and admiring of Theodore and Missy even though it sounds like they did him dirty

@saxonite (replying to @saxonite) - I stan a legend

@horizongal (replying to @saxonite) -  I mean, it's hard to know what happened? but yeah, kudos to him for being v polite about it when it sounds like it was really hard for him

@doctahpants - I'm so curious about what happened between The Renegades now though goddamnit it's not my business tho

@queenbaloo (replying to @doctahpants) - the eternal struggle tbh but at least they're all still making awesome music! and there doesn't seem to be any bad blood

Bill relives the moment of Theo's face becoming something she's never seen before, and the sound of the phone colliding with the wall. She feels a little bit sick and closes Twitter, putting her phone aside.

She works on her song for a couple of hours. She's lost count of how many hours total she's put into it now.

"It's sounding good."

Bill jumps a little, and looks up from her bass to see Theo leaning around the edge of her door.

"Oh, yeah, ever since Helen gave me some tips it's been going really well," Bill says, sitting up and shifting her guitar in her lap so she can lean her head against the neck, which is now pointed to the ceiling. "It's pretty much finished, if I'm being honest. I'm just… it needs to be perfect, you know?"

"Perfect's overrated," he scoffs lightly. "But if you're referring to the need to meticulously go over every single detail, then yes, I know all too well."

Bill smiles, amazed at how much better she can feel just from those two words from him, and then the reassurance that even he struggles with the same things she does.

He smiles back, and it's genuine, but it's lacking the usual spark in his eyes, and it reminds her of where he's been, and why.

"Are you alright?" Bill asks, trying to search his face for answers.

He sighs, and comes to sit down next to her. "You know me, I'm always alright." Bill lifts her eyebrows at him, and his face falls a little. He rans a hand over his forehead. "I'm sorry you had to see that, earlier. And I'm sorry, for - you know. The throwing."

He pulls out his phone, which now has a cracked screen. Miraculously, it still looks usable.

"Don't apologise to me, apologise to the phone," Bill says wryly.

Theo shakes his head. "That kind of behaviour is never acceptable."

"Don't get me wrong, it was… weird, seeing you angry. Maybe a tiny bit scary, but I know you're the least violent person I've ever known." Bill makes a face. "Well, okay, that one racist guy aside."

He still looks worried, and guilty. She's astounded by the self-loathing she sees in him.

"Hey, seriously, I'm worried about you and Missy, not about the phone or that wall or my nerves," Bill tells him, reaching to clasp his hand. "This Saxon thing is getting ridiculous. And I get it, it's not my business. I just want to know if you guys will be okay."

Theo gives her a small, sad smile. "Well, it's impossible to know what will happen. But it takes more than some egotist running his mouth in an article to bring us down. We can survive anything. We learned that a lot time ago."

"That… doesn't make me feel much better," Bill says. "What happened? With Saxon?"

"Some things are best left in the past, Bill."

"Except it's not in the past, because he's back. We might be on a different continent right now, but he's back. How can it stay in the past when it clearly isn't?"

Theo swallows. "And some things aren't-"

He can't seem to be able to bring himself to finish his sentence. Worry knots in Bill's stomach again. It's the not knowing that makes it the worst, no matter what he says, because Bill's imagination is overactive, and there's equal parts nonsensical and horrible things brewing in her mind, now.

So she does the only thing she can. She puts her guitar aside and pulls Theo into a tight hug. He hugs her back with a tiny sigh of relief, and for a brief, shining moment, things are good and she's sure that everything is going to be okay.

Bill has her doubts, but when they head to the venue not long after that, Missy and Theo seem to be alright for the most part. Bill observes a quiet moment between them, Theo coming to stand next to Missy, hand on her shoulder, seeming to ask if she's okay. She gives him a little smile and says something back, lifting her phone to show him something on the screen and making him nod and kiss her forehead.

"You know, sometimes I forget," Bill says to Nardole, as she sits on an amp near his drum set and watches them.

"Forget what?"

"That they're, like, in love."

"Oh," Nardole says, chuckling. "Yeah."

"It's just because they're so… weird, I guess."

"Well, they've been on and off again for the last twenty years, and they're two of the maddest people on the planet, of course they have a weird relationship dynamic," Nardole mutters.

Bill watches as Missy, now on Theo's lap, nibbles his nose while he ignores her in favour of continuing to tune his guitar.

"Urgh, yeah," Bill says, not sure if she's disgusted, intrigued in a detached sort of way, or just relieved that they're back to as close to normal as they ever get.

They check in with Ashildr, who is looking over their looping equipment as they always do, because they don't always trust the techs, much to the frustration of the techs in question who have done more or less everything they can think of to win Ashildr's confidence.

"How are you feeling, short stuff?" Missy asks them. "First time playing for an American crowd, for all of us. But most of them don't even know who you are."

Ashildr just smirks. "Well, they're about to find out."

Missy looks proud of them and claps them on the back. "That's the spirit, kiddo."

"When have you ever known them to be scared?" Clara asks, smugly. "I only deal with the best."

"Sexually or professionally? Because either way, I'm suddenly rather flattered," Missy says, clasping her chest and batting her eyes.

"Ew," Bill says.

Nardole, meanwhile, is frowning at his phone. "Has anyone read this Saxon article?"

"Yes," says everyone else.

Missy's jaw is tight, but she's glancing at Theo, whose hand clenches at his side for a moment. Clara eyes them curiously, and glances at Bill, who just makes a face and gives a tiny shrug.

Nardole, meanwhile, isn't an idiot. He glances around warily and makes a face. "Does the no Saxon talk extend to… just talk between us, too?"

"No," Theo replies. "That would be unrealistic and immature."

"Besides, he seems intent on becoming louder and louder, there's no avoiding the issue, it seems," Missy agrees. "He wants our attention? He'll regret asking for it."

There's something different in her eyes to yesterday. Something harder. Something protective.

"On a higher note-" Ashildr stops to grin at their own pun, and Theo hi-fives them while Nardole rolls his eyes and Missy face palms. "Weren't we going to place bets about whether Bill's Star Girl turns up tonight?"

"Oh, yeah," Nardole says, eyes lighting up.

He bets against. He's cynical. Clara has a bet for against too, but apologises to Bill as she makes it. Missy bets for, as does Theo. Ashildr takes a moment to be sure of themself, before betting for as well.

Then everyone looks at Bill.

"No way," she says. "Count me out. I don't want to get my hopes up. It would be insane if she'd somehow followed me over here. It already doesn't make sense how she's been able to afford all the tickets so far."

"Rich people do exist," Ashildr reminds her.

"I guess so." It's hard for Bill to remember keep in mind wealth on that scale as a possibility for some girl she's interested in, with just how working class she had been for her whole life. She's worth millions now, but she hasn't managed to get her head around that concept yet. "Still."

Kate Stewart strides up to them. "Time to get off the stage and getting ready, I think. We have a few things we need to check with the lights."

"Yep, time to get to your dressing rooms and get ready," Clara tells them, clapping her hands at them. "We want to blow this out of the water."

"That sounds dirty, let's not say that," Ashildr says, frowning.

"Oi, just go," Clara tells them.

They grin. "Yes ma'am."

Bill, despite being truthful when she had said that she didn't know if the two of them even had a sex life and didn't want to know about it, finds herself idly wondering if Ashildr calls Clara 'ma'am' in the bedroom, if it brings that glint to their eyes.

A second later, she drags her mind out of the gutter and bemoans the fact that her current company are rubbing off on her in all of the wrong ways.

While in her dressing room, Bill does the obligated check of Twitter.

@crystal_ss - I'm sort of glad the Renegades aren't together anymore bc if they were all in the same room I'd die bc they're all too pretty

@queenbaloo (replying to @crystal_ss) - ok I lied before, THATS the eternal struggle, what a Bisexual Mood

@crystal_ss (replying to @queenbaloo) - have you seen pics of them back in the Renegade days? so fucking pretty

@queenbaloo (replying to @crystal_ss) - omg yes I nearly died

@doctahpants (replying to @queenbaloo) -  link to these pics please asking for a friend

The link to the pictures is posted below, and so of course, Bill clicks on it.

The first depicts the three musicians in some old promo shot where Theo and Saxon are sitting on a couch and Missy is draped across their laps in that melodramatic way of hers.

The second is a picture of them out and about in what looks to be London. Missy is in the middle, Saxon on her left with his arm draped around her shoulders, while Missy's right hand is in Theo's. They're all laughing or at least smiling, and there's nothing but fondness in their eyes for each other.

"What the hell happened?" Bill asks the picture.

She searches for answers, for a hint of anything wrong, but she just can't see it. They look so happy.

What if some of the media theories about them are right? She knows that Missy and Theo have been on and off again for about as long as the Renegades have been broken up, and if Missy - or actually, Theo, come to think of it - had left Saxon in favour of the other, that would certainly explain why the band's breakup could have been so messy, especially if Saxon is the type to take that sort of thing badly. From what Bill can ascertain from Missy and Theo, she's going to assume he is, since apparently his oh so forgiving attitude from the Kovarian interview is total bullshit.

After all, Missy and Theo are tumultuous at best, as far as couples go, but Bill can't deny that there's also just a feeling of true connection. Like they're soulmates, or some slightly more realistic equivalent.

If the universe was determined to keep them together, no matter how much their clashing personalities sometimes tried to drive them apart, then how could anyone argue? River understands, and luckily enough is even more polyamorous by nature than they are, hence why it all worked out.

But not everyone is, Bill herself knows that, as virtually the only properly monogamous person in her immediate social circle. If Saxon couldn't cope with it, it would explain a lot about how things had turned out.

As logical a theory as it is, it's still only just a theory. Besides, knowing Theo and Missy and just how fucking weird they are, it's likely it has nothing to do with something as commonplace as romance. All the same, Bill hates not knowing. She also hates meddling in people's business. Since that basically means she's fucked either way, it's time for her to put her curiosity aside for the moment and focus on the show.

Luckily, the moment she pictures Star Girl's face, and her smile, focusing on that is the easiest thing in the world.

Chapter Text

The crowd is enraptured by Ashildr. Bill isn't sure she's ever seen or heard a crowd as silent as this one. Ashildr's strange, husky voice echoes and loops through the air, creating its own counterpoint, and the audience applaud louder and louder with each song that finishes.

When Ashildr finally finishes their set and bids them all goodnight, the crowd is deafening.

Ashildr has their new audience, alright.

It takes a small while to get the stage prepped for Event Horizon, and Bill gets her mic checked with a technician in the meantime.

"How are you feeling?" Theo asks her from nearby, where he is also getting seen to.

Bill swallows. "Like I've swallowed a hyperactive hamster that also has anxiety." From nearby, she hears Missy snicker at that. "But, you know, fine, really. I know we can do this. I just hope that if - when she's not there, it doesn't throw me off."

"If she's not here," Theo says, coming to put a hand on her shoulder, "it just means she's a normal person who can't afford to follow a band across the entire world night after night."

"You know, as opposed to a weird, possibly incredibly rich stalker," Missy interjects from a few metres away.

"Or criminal," Nardole adds, thoughtfully. "She could be hacking her way into tickets."

Psi, one of their senior technicians, looks up from his laptop. "No, she really couldn't be," he says, looking vastly offended by the mere thought.

"Overconfidence is nobody's friend, Psi Boy," Missy tells him, rolling her eyes. The sci-fi nerd in Bill takes a moment to appreciate the Princess Leia inspired nickname she has for him. "I've hacked into your system twice, when I was bored."

"Only twice? I've done it at least six," Nardole replies.

Missy waves her hand at him. "Overconfidence is even less attractive on you, Eggman."

"Hurtful," Nardole mutters, before rolling his eyes. "Or it would be, if I cared what you think, which I don't, because you're fifty one shades of bonkers."

"But I wear them so well," Missy says, with a smile and a flourish of her hand.

Theo is meanwhile looking at his phone. "River and her lot are wishing us luck. Helen apparently is rooting for Bill and her girl."

"Tell them thanks," Bill says, feeling vaguely reassured just from hearing that.

She checks the general Event Horizon tag on Twitter in the last moments she has with her phone before they'll all have to hand them over to the crew. She scrolls down a bit to get ones starting from before the concert. Immediately, she feels wonderfully overwhelmed by the dozens upon dozens of tweets.

@horizongal - finally getting to see Event Horizon tonight! My life is about to be made

@songsmithfy - probably going to die from being so close to @thedoctor in the flesh but whatever it's fine it'll be worth it

@crystal_ss - concerts are Not My Thing but I hope things go awesomely for everyone tonight! I know @EventHorizon are going to nail it

@riversong - our side of the world already feels more dull for @EventHorizon having left it. Wishing them all the best of luck with their show tonight xx

@riversong (replying to @riversong) - also, America, prepare to be positively enthralled by @Ashildr and their utterly unique presence, you're in for a treat!

@punkprincess - like @RiverSong said, all of us in the UK are rooting for @EventHorizon right now! but we miss you already <3

@actualellewoods - @RiverSong always coming through and speaking our minds! I'm not in the UK but all of us non-US fans are cheering you on via internet

@queenbaloo (replying to @actualellewoods) - @actualellewoods and I are having our own afternoon @EventHorizon dance party to make up for being stuck in Actual Narnia

@actualellewoods (replying to @queenbaloo) - we're there with you guys in spirit

@stirmypotsy - wish I could be there with @EventHorizon tonight! wishing I could see my girl @pottsalotts IRL [crying emoji]

Bill finds herself grinning at her phone. Their fans never fail to make her smile, and often when she most needs it. The sheer number of different people is a bit overwhelming, but certain names have started sticking out after a while, some of the more hardcore fans who are actively involved in any possible Event Horizon development and must have every member of the band as well as Ashildr and maybe River on Twitter notifications.

She checks the most recent tweets. Sure enough, people are going nuts for Ashildr.

@amatalefay  - oh my god that was amazing I've never seen anything like it

@horizongal - um holy shit so Ashildr's EP is great and all but there is NO substitute for hearing them live? I'm shook?

@spaceacepupper (replying to @horizongal) - ever since I saw them in Glasgow I've been wondering if they're even a creature from the mortal plane

@pottsalotts (replying to @spaceacepupper) - I've known Ash for like a year now and I'm still convinced they're some kind of ethereal being tbh and they just laugh weirdly whenever I mention this

@spaceacepupper (replying to @pottsalotts)  - Ashildr is merely blessing us mere mortals with their brief presence on this plane, this is now Bill Potts confirmed (also Bill hi ily!)

@pottsalotts (replying to @spaceacepupper) - <3

There are dozens of other tweets praising Ashildr, more pouring in by the second. Bill sends Ashildr a quick text with her congratulations before her phone is taken from her by an unamused Kate Stewart, who has been apparently trying to get her attention for the last two minutes.

"Sorry," Bill says.

Kate remains unimpressed, but given that Kate's entire power suit lesbian aesthetic is a slight weakness of Bill's, Bill doesn't have any complaints about being on the receiving end of that look. (Is Kate single? Bill is suddenly wondering if she rightly remembers her mentioning have a girlfriend who is a surgeon. Was that a weird gay dream Bill had had?)

"Bill," Missy says, touching her on the arm and making her jump. "You're in confused gay daydream land, poppet. Best hop out of there for now, hmm? Got a proper girl to impress this time. And, you know, a whole crowd, possibly don't want to forget about them."

"Yeah, that," Bill says sheepishly.

The lights on the stage are up now, and the crowd is cheering for them, and Bill can feel the stage adrenaline begin to build.

"Okay, let's do it," she says to the other three.

They head out onstage, to thunderous applause, and take up their positions.

"Good evening Los Angeles!" Theo says into the microphone, and gets deafening screams in response.

Bill takes this time to try and search the front of the crowd for the Star Girl. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and she feels a bit like she might be sick, or like that hamster in her gut is having a panic of its own.

She almost misses her - but sure enough, there she is. Fluffy blonde hair, those bright eyes staring up at her, and a big smile that gets wider as Bill's gaze lands on her. She gives Bill a little sheepish look, and Bill wishes she could think of something cool or smooth or something good in response, but she can't. Her heart has actually skipped several beats.

Luckily, her ears still pick up on Nardole's drum beat and she snaps back to attention, coming in with the bassline on time, just.

She's sure she's never grinned so hard while playing as she does while standing on this stage and playing her heart out for Star Girl, who apparently is willing to follow her across the ocean.

The moment they come offstage, Bill finds herself being twirled around by Missy in a strange, manic waltz.

"So, Miss Potts, you've successfully managed to charm a girl into following you all the way around the world, what are you going to do next?" Missy asks. Bill laughs nervously, still so giddy from the performance and from seeing the Star Girl that she barely knows how to get words out. "Please say that you're planning on finding a way to lovingly bang her brains out, or I may have to disown you as a friend."

"Okay, moment over, you ruined it," Bill says, pushing out of her grasp and making a face.

"What? She's cute, Pottsie, I'm being supportive," Missy says, blinking at her.

"Don't sully this."

"Bringing sex into it doesn't make it cheap by default, you know," Missy replies, rolling her eyes. "I did use the word lovingly for a reason."

"Bill! Your girl! I saw her! She was really here!" Nardole, who has appeared from nowhere, grabs Bill's arms. His round face is alight with genuine excitement, and Bill feels the giddiness rise again.

"I know!" Bill squeaks, grabbing his arms in return, and the two of them jump up in down in a circle like babbling idiots until Theo and Clara walk in.

"Hey, congratulations," Clara says to Bill, and gives her a big hug. "It's a pretty bizarre situation, but I'm definitely rooting for you."

Theo, meanwhile, looks at Bill with the hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. "Bill, I think it's time."

"Time for what?" Bill asks, without really thinking.

"Time we heard your song."

Bill knows these are her friends. Her family. She knows they would never belittle her, that they think the world of her. That doesn't mean she isn't terrified to play them this song. Theo, Missy and Ashildr are songwriting geniuses, how could she ever measure up?

"Go on," Missy says to her gently, from where she, Clara, Nardole and Ashildr are sitting in the hotel suite's comfortable chairs in front of her.

Bill nods, takes a deep breath, and looks to Theo, who has taken the chord sheet she's given him and looked over it and now gives her a nod in return. It won't be a perfect playthrough, but he's good enough at what he does that it'll be fine.

Bill nods back, and he starts to strum, and she starts her bassline. Then she starts to sing.

It's called Promise You Won't Go. And by the time she sings the last line, Clara is wiping away a tear that had gathered in her eye, and Missy's eyes are shining with a fierce pride.

"That was wonderful, Bill," Ashildr tells her, and Bill lets out the breath she had been holding.

"I've already got a lot of ideas," Nardole adds, his fingers drumming on his thighs with great purpose, filling Bill with an excitement about how the song might sound with all the parts filled out.

"As do I," Missy says. She dramatically wipes at a tear that may or may not be completely faked from one of her eyes. "God, you've made me feel proper emotions, Pottsie. That's disgusting. How dare you."

Bill laughs a little, and looks to Theo, whose pride is softer than Missy's but no less powerful. His eyes are warm as he pulls her into a one armed hugged and kisses the side of her head.

"It's brilliant," he murmurs. "You're brilliant. I always knew you had this in you."

Bill can't help the tears that come up at that, and she puts her bass down so that she can hug him tightly. She's never known her biological father, and she's come to be glad of it, because Theodore Smith is the only father-figure of any kind that she could ever need.

They spend the whole trip to the next city - is it San Diego? Bill has no idea, she's so focused on her song that everything else has faded from her mind - working on the group arrangement of Promise You Won't Go.

"We could put this on a deluxe edition on the album, if it goes down well," Nardole points out.

"When it's received as an absolute delight, yes," Missy retorts.

By the time they arrive, it's sounding amazing and Bill can't believe that she's so blessed as to have these people for coworkers and friends and family. It's overwhelming and she feels a bit like she might be sick from nerves, but she's also excited as all hell.

She's Bill Potts, and she's about to woo the pretty girl that has been making her stomach do backflips for weeks. She's never felt as powerful, or as anxious.

@pottsalotts -  got a surprise for you lot tonight xx

Unsurprisingly, Twitter goes nuts at that, several of her fans correctly theorising that she's going to play the gay song she's been working on. She hopes she lives up to their excitement.

@queenbaloo - I'm not gonna lie Bill Potts could stand up there and shriek into a microphone for three minutes and I'd still think it was beautiful

@missymasters (replying to queenbaloo) - you and me both, but they all looked at me weirdly when I suggested that as a wooing technique

@queenbaloo (replying to missymasters) - ashdkglh

Bill's asked if she can speak briefly, before they play the song, and she spends most of the day going over and over it in her head, working out how to make a grand gesture without looking like a total idiot.

While Ashildr is onstage doing their set, and Bill thinks she might actually explode before she gets onstage, a hand slips into hers at just the right moment and gives it a tight squeeze.

Bill looks to her right to see Missy sitting next to her.

"Don't worry, kiddo, you've got this," she says. "She'd have to be an idiot to not want to marry you on the spot, with a song like that."

Bill smiles a little and nudges her shoulder. "Thanks."

"Also, remind me to never call you kiddo again. Too weird."

"Why?"

"Because I've thought about having sex with you far too many times for that to not be wildly inappropriate," Missy replies, shrugging, and Bill somehow chokes on her own saliva at that. "Anyway, I'll let you get your mic sorted, I think we're on a sec."

"Stop just saying things like that," Bill calls after her, trying to remember how to breathe. "You're going to make me have an actual, honest to god lesbian heart attack."

Missy just winks at her over her shoulder, and Bill takes several deep breaths and fumbles for her water bottle. Now is not the time for this.

They head on stage and sure enough, there's Star Girl again, and the relief in Bill's chest is overwhelming. She knows the absurdly relieved smile she gives is probably betraying her feelings far too much, but given what she's about to do, that's not so bad.

God, she's so beautiful. It's hard for Bill to focus on playing their other songs, because she's so curious about why her smile is so guarded and yet so genuine, about why her eye looks like that, about why she comes to every single show when it must disrupt her entire life to do so. About whether it all means that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same way about Bill.

Partway through their set, when the atmosphere is so uplifting and and electric, it's time.

"Now, as it happens, we have a bit of a surprise for you tonight," Theo tells the crowd, "and I'm going to hand things over to Bill."

Bill and Theo swap places, but Bill makes sure she can still see Star Girl. She's further away from her now, but not by too much. Star Girl's face is unreadable as she watches Bill.

"Hey, everyone," Bill says nervously. "It might actually shock some of you guys that I'm not super great with talking in front of crowds. I'm probably in the wrong job, to be honest."

She sees a lot of the teenage girls in the front row fervently shaking their heads, and many are screaming words of encouragement at her. It's so wonderfully sweet that Bill finds herself smiling.

"Except I'm not, because you guys are amazing and make it absolutely worth how nervous I am right now," Bill continues. "I know at least some of you know that I've been trying to write a song. Well, I did it. I wrote a song. For a girl. A beautiful girl who is a total enigma to me."

She finds Star Girl's eyes as she says this. Still, she can't quite read her face, but her eyes are shining.

"Anyway, this might be the most insane thing I've ever done, but god, I hope it works," Bill says. "It's called Promise You Won't Go."

The song starts, and the whole audience is quiet and awed. Bill tries to find a good balance between looking at Star Girl as she sings and looking at the rest of the audience. Star Girl seems stricken, her eyes wide and shining as the song continues.

Finally, it's the last line.

"I don't know you but it's only you, and I hope you know, so please promise you won't go."

Star Girl is biting her lip, hard, eyes full of emotion. Bill gives her a breathless little half-smile, a question of some kind, a plea.

The crowd erupts into deafening applause, and Bill turns to look out at them all, not able to neglect them even in this moment. She loves them all so much. They make her feel so special, and they're all so special themselves, in their own ways.

Once she feels she's given it enough time, she looks back to Star Girl, only to find her gone. Bill can't help the rush of disappointment in her chest, but recalls the time that she'd moved around when Bill had stared at her too long one time before. Well, Bill had certainly overdone it this time. No wonder she can't see her, people are probably super suspicious right now.

The last thing she wants to do is bring heat down on Star Girl, with how intense their fandom can be. She'll have to be more careful, going forward. She can't see Star Girl anywhere, so she must have moved considerably further back. Bill can't be angry, only disappointed, because she understands why.

It's not too difficult to let the rest of the concert distract her, throwing herself into the music and the faces of her other fans, looking up at her with such wonder and hope.

When she comes offstage, she is bombarded with congratulations from all of the crew, from Clara and Ashildr, and of course her bandmates.

"So?" Missy asks.

"I dunno, I lost sight of her," Bill says, still feeling giddy. "I think she ducked out to avoid getting people's attention, you know? I was staring at her way too much, and she's kind of distinctive with her eye - oh god, I haven't just landed her in a pile of shit, have I? Our fandom is insane-"

Missy stops her mouth with her finger. "I'm sure it's fine, Pottsie. People noticed, but it's dark in those mosh pits, they wouldn't have gotten a good look at her."

"Yeah, you're right," Bill agrees, taking a deep breath and grinning. "Well, I did it!"

"Now we wait to see what happens next time," Nardole says, also grinning. "This is quite exciting, isn't it? Like in a film."

"That implies a film would be this good or feature an interracial sapphic romance, so no, it's not like a film, it's better," Missy tells him, making Ashildr and Theo snort from nearby.

Bill isn't sure what is going to happen next, but she feels like she's on clouds.

A recording of the song makes its way onto YouTube immediately, of course. It has hundreds of thousands of views within a day. Luckily, the verdict seems to be that everyone loves the song. The link to the video has been retweeted thousands of times, and a good quarter of the reactions are just the crying emojis from emotional gay teenagers.

@pottsforpresident - oh my god she was singing to somebody in the audience DID ANYONE SEE WHO IT WAS

@yikes_lou - why did the gay love song not end with the girl getting pulled on stage so they could make out, we've been robbed

@yikes_lou (replying to yikes_lou) - more importantly BILL has been robbed we better be hearing about her new gf soon bc I swear to god if this doesn't land her the gf

@spacedracula - Promise You Won't Go is one of the best love songs I've heard in ages - achingly genuine in that uniquely Bill Potts way.

@starsthemselves - I swear I've been in this fandom for like five minutes and this happens, this is wild but I love it and love Bill so WOO

@rainbowrosie - will your fave ever be as iconic as actual lesbian goddess sent to us by Sappho herself Bill Potts? No

The last one makes a strange noise escape from Bill's chest, something between a laugh and a sob, because it's such an absurd idea but to think that people see her like that, that these girls see her like that, is so much. Too much. It's a wonderful kind of too much, though.

A part of her does just want to scream that she's as normal and disastrous as the rest of them, though. Today that part is louder than usual, and she knows it won't be quiet until she sees Star Girl, until Star Girl smiles at her.

Chest filled with nerves, Bill steps out onto the stage for the next show, wondering what kind of read she might be able to get on Star Girl, wondering how she can convince her to come backstage without being able to talk to her. Wanting to get a proper look at her since playing her the song, since she hadn't been able to last time.

Her eyes scour the sea of people in front of her, hopeful and searching and aching. 

She can't see her. 

Bill tries not to think about the connotations of that, can't let herself, not when she has a concert to help put on. She searches the faces in front of her desperately, but to no avail, and ignores the way her stomach feels like it has a boulder inside it.

She wants to cry. She doesn't.

She sings, she keeps her eyes on her fretboard, she smiles at the crowd at the end even though it's hard to do so, even though she wants to fall to the ground and never get up again.

When she comes offstage, everyone there is looking at her with bated breath.

"I don't-" Bill swallows. "I-"

The tears finally come out, choking her words, and she finds herself being hugged fiercely by Missy. Nardole comes around to hug her from the side, and Theo wraps his arms around all of them. She's never felt more loved, more supported, and yet, she can't feel happy, not even a little bit.

"She might come tomorrow," Nardole says hopefully.

Bill just cries and holds them all tighter. "I messed it up. I don't know what I was supposed to do, but I messed it up."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Eggman is right," Missy tells her. "She might just need some time to think it over. Don't give up on her yet."

Bill tries to believe her, tries to keep hope.

But the Star Girl isn't at the next concert either. Or the one after that. Or the one after that.

Chapter Text

After the fourth concert - the fourth disappointment, the fourth time she's looked out into the ocean of fans and not seen the one she needs to see, the one her heart hasn't stopped aching for - Bill finds herself being tucked into bed by Missy.

The pity from the people around her has been hell. Only Missy, Theo and Ashildr are tolerable at the moment. The way everyone else looks at her is killing her.

And Missy? Missy has become bizarrely protective of her. Hence why she's now fussing over Bill, asking if there's enough marshmallows in the hot chocolate she's brought her (there are twelve marshmallows in the hot chocolate, Bill is fairly sure it is more marshmallow than drink at this point), as well as two extra blankets and chocolate biscuits.

"Missy, I'm okay," Bill insists. "This is… weird, and sweet, but I'm okay."

"Don't lie to me, Pottsie, I can sniff lies out a mile away," Missy says, coming to sit on her bed, next to where she's propped up on pillows. "I know you've had a few cries, but sometimes you need to cry with another person, and as such, I'm volunteering my shoulder."

"Why are you doing this? You're… you."

"Because you're my friend," Missy says simply. "And god knows, I don't have many of those. You're my friend, and you're upset, and I want to help in whatever way I can."

"Well, you can't, because I messed it up all on my own. I made a stupidly public declaration of affection, unsurprisingly scaring the girl off, and now I'm the new lesbian tragedy of the century."

Twitter is unbearable at the moment. It's either full of people still convinced she and her mystery girl are going to make some kind of announcement any day, or people who have noticed how upset Bill is. Both are… the worst, somehow.

"You didn't mess it up," Missy assures her.

"I did!" Bill argues. "I did. I don't know what I did wrong, but I did, I messed it all up, and it's so stupid because I didn't even know her, I still don't, I've never had a single conversation with her, but we just had something, I know we did, and I ruined it-"

She's choking on tears now.

"Okay, come here," Missy says, pulling her into a tight hug. Bill sobs into her shoulder and hugs her back, wondering when the hell this insane, maddening woman became one of her closest friends, became the person most intent on comforting her.

(She knows Theo is just as here for her, just as much wanting to help her, but that he's simply not as good at this sort of thing. Weirdly, at least in ways like this, Missy is significantly better with people than he is.)

"I wish I could say that I could fix it," Missy tells her quietly. "But I can't. I'm not saying you'll never see her again, but that's up to her, and I think you've done what you can. And if she doesn't want your heart after you offered it to her like that, then she's the biggest idiot on this planet."

Bill pulls away from her. "Why are you being so nice? You hate being nice."

"Like I said, because you're my friend. And because I hate not being able to do anything." Missy frowns, and then looks at Bill, biting her lip and cupping Bill's face in her hand, stroking her cheek with her thumb. Bill closes her eyes at the touch. "It's the worst feeling in the world, being helpless, not being able to help when someone you care about is in pain."

"It's not your fault that you can't do anything."

"I know. But still, I-"

Bill opens her eyes to see Missy staring at her strangely.

"What?"

"I can't fix it, I can't even try, but-" Missy's face is impossible to read. "But I could make you feel better." Her hand strokes across Bill's hair, eyes intent and dark. Her other hand comes to rest on Bill's wrist. "I could make you forget about all of it, just for one night. I could make you feel so, so good."

Bill stares at her, heart suddenly pounding in her chest, as she realises what Missy is offering.

"Is your solution to my having my heart broken seriously to fuck the sad out of me?" Bill asks, without really meaning to, her disbelief winning ownership of her mouth after a brief battle with the various other emotions in her chest.

Missy laughs, and god, it's such a great sound, Bill had forgotten just how attractive Missy's laugh is.

"Your words, Pottsie, not mine," she says, her thumb stroking the skin at Bill's wrist. "I can see why you absolutely wouldn't want to. But I hate not being able to do anything, and this is one thing I could absolutely, positively, do very very well."

"Big talk," Bill replies, lifting an eyebrow.

"When was the last time you actually had sex?"

Bill hasn't slept with anyone since she broke up with Penny.

"None of your business-"

"Because I'm thinking it's been about a year, not since that girl of yours," Missy muses. "And that's all very well, you do you. But is the idea really so repulsive?"

"You know it isn't," Bill says to her, swallowing. "It just… you and me, it would never-"

Missy laughs again. "Bill. Dear. I'm not professing my undying love. I'm here, as a friend, offering to make you feel very very good." She's so close to Bill now, her face only inches away. "It's as simple as that."

Bill is sure that somewhere in her mind, she has a whole list of reasons why platonic sex with Missy isn't a good idea. But damned if she can recall a single one of them right now.

Looking into Missy's intent blue eyes, Bill can only see sincerity, a genuine desire and - something else. Something difficult to read, but… Bill thinks that maybe Missy needs this distraction as much as Bill herself does.

Bill sits up a bit, wondering if she's ever spent this long staring at Missy's face. She's so beautiful - cold and angular and otherworldly until she isn't, until she's burning like a sun as you see how much she cares in her own way.

Bill finds herself completely without breath.

Missy's fingers come to rest against her lips, her gaze unwavering as she leans in closer until their faces are only a few inches apart.

"May I?" she asks, voice barely louder than a whisper.

Bill swallows again. "God, yeah."

Missy closes the gap between them and kisses her so gently that Bill immediately finds herself crying again. She doesn't know what she did to deserve this kind of gentleness from one of the least gentle people on the planet, but she'll never stop feeling blessed for it.

Bill slides a hand into her mane of hair and pulls her closer. Missy, without breaking the kiss, uses her left hand to pull back the covers separating them so that she can straddle Bill's lap, kissing her a bit more deeply and drawing a moan from Bill's mouth.

"Beautiful girl," Missy murmurs when they stop for breath, hands cradling Bill's face. She leans down to press kisses along Bill's jawline, and Bill thinks that agreeing to this might have been her signing her own death warrant, because in hindsight, how the hell is she going to survive sex with Missy? She can't even handle Missy touching her leg, how is she supposed to handle… all the rest of it?

On the other hand, Missy is in her lap and kissing her face and is right here for Bill to touch if she can build up the nerve. Is that something Bill can turn down? Would she ever forgive herself if she didn't take this one, incredible chance to live out one of her wilder fantasies?

"Is this really happening?" Bill asks Missy.

Missy smirks. "If you want it to be."

Bill looks up at her. "But I mean, it's not just… this isn't like, a pity fuck or anything, is it? Because if it is, you can get-"

"When have I ever once looked at you with pity?" Missy asks seriously. "I don't look at people with pity. I'm not convinced I'm capable of it. I don't have the empathy for pity. I'm doing this for purely selfish reasons. Which is that I hate seeing you like this, that I also need a night to take my mind off the rest of the world, and that you're one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever met."

"Oh," Bill says.

"That alright?" Missy asks, tilting her head, voice having gone extremely soft again in that way that sends warmth shooting through Bill's body.

Bill just nods, rapidly losing the ability to form words. "... kiss me?"

Missy smiles and does just that, hands keeping a firm hold on Bill's face while her tongue gently slips past her lips. Bill's hands clutch at Missy, one of them slipping up underneath the back of Missy's tank top and making the older woman hum appreciatively against her mouth.

"Permission to remove all this pesky clothing?" Missy asks.

"From me, or from you?"

Missy shrugs, a tiny laugh escaping her. "Why choose?"

"Fair point. Permission 100% granted."

They lean back from each other and do away with their shirts. Bill had already taken her bra off for bed, so she's now bare, while Missy is - of fucking course - now in her black lace bra.

"God, you're beautiful," Missy murmurs, "I'm going to get you to shuffle down and lie back, darling."

Bill does as she's told, wiggling down until she's on her back. Missy is now much more easily able to pull down the shorts Bill had been wearing to bed, leaving her completely naked while Missy is on her knees above her, smiling like the cat who got the cream.

"You as well," Bill says, resisting the urge to cover herself.

"No, not at the moment," Missy replies, head tilting again as she regards Bill and her newly bared body with those darkened eyes of hers. "I'm here to make you feel good. Anything else can come later."

She's sitting on Bill's thighs, at this point, and stroking her hands up the sides of Bill's torso. One of her hands cups Bill's breast, just gently, before Missy leans over to use her tongue as means of affection instead. Bill arches into her touch, into the warmth of the mouth enveloping her, but it's soon gone as Missy's lips come back up to capture Bill's own. Her hands meanwhile trap Bill's wrists either side of her head.

"You taste yummy," Missy murmurs, and it's such a weird thing to say or at least a weird way to say it, but as per usual, somehow it doesn't sound that strange coming out of Missy's mouth. Or else, it does, but she makes it work anyway.

"Thanks? I guess?"

"Need a proper taste now, though," Missy says, and starts kissing down her body, and by the time Bill realises what she means by that, she has about five seconds to have a panic before Missy's mouth is between her legs and Bill is letting out a truly embarrassing noise. "Hmm. It really has been a while, hasn't it?"

Bill doesn't answer, because she doesn't want to, but all it takes is a sweep of Missy's tongue to have her cursing under her breath and bucking her hips up.

"Ooh, responsive little thing," Missy purrs. "Good."

Whenever Bill had dared to think about this, she'd always imagined that Missy would be incredibly good at going down on women. Sure enough, her tongue is - well, god, Bill has no idea, but it shouldn't be legal.

Bill bites her lip as Missy gently holds her hips and legs down, mouth so soft and precise that Bill's entire body is shaking. It's too good. She's so warm, her chest feeling tight and it all seeming like too much.

On a sweep of Missy's tongue, a helpless, needy noise escapes Bill. She can't even feel embarrassed, she's close enough that she'll make any noise she likes. Her hand goes to Missy's hair and grips it, and she feels Missy chuckle against her.

She's close, so close, but not getting any closer. Bill starts to suspect that Missy is doing it on purpose.

"Missy," Bill moans a little, but Missy only hums against her. "Missy, seriously, please-"

Missy lifts her head, and rakes a hand through her hair to sweep it out of her face. "Please what?"

Bill is not playing this game with her. She doesn't do dirty talk, or at least, she doesn't say it herself. She isn't going to start today.

So Bill doesn't respond. She just lies back and hopes, prays, that Missy will be merciful and give her what she needs.

Missy is slow, methodical, and incredibly gentle. It drives Bill insane, but it's also strangely wonderful, letting the heat and the pressure simmer, her breath laboured but not gone from her entirely, body screaming with want but not shaking.

"Beautiful girl," Missy says again, softly, against her thigh.

Bill doesn't know what to say. Doesn't quite know how she got here, whether here is where she should be, what it says about her that she's here. But here is strangely amazing.

Finally, Missy's mouth becomes more urgent. Only a little, but it's enough. Bill catches a glimpse of the clock on the bedside table and realises that it's literally been almost an hour since Missy first went between her legs. But what an hour it's been. She can't remember when she last felt so warm.

She's so sensitive, so worked up at this point, that her hips almost immediately buck upward as the heat fills her body, fills her chest until she thinks it might burst. Her legs tremble as she topples over the edge with a little cry.

"Mm," Missy hums against her skin, kissing her thighs, nibbling at them. "How was that?"

Bill isn't sure she can speak. She's a puddle of endorphins, floating on the high of it all. She can, however, pull Missy up her body, pulling her into a kiss where she can taste herself.

"Good?" Missy asks.

Bill just nods, feeling her eyes shining, and god she's crying, how embarrassing. "Yeah. Really good. Thank you."

Her hand goes exploring, pops the button of Missy's jeans open, making her friend blink at her.

"We're focusing on you for now, poppet," Missy tells her, shaking her head, but her breath has hitched, and so Bill frowns at her.

"But I want to focus on you for a bit," Bill says, "can I?"

Missy, after a moment's hesitation, nods. Bill's hand goes underneath her waistband, her fingers easily slipping inside and making Missy inhale deeply.

Normally, Bill would go slowly. Be gentle, be reverent - but this is Missy, and that doesn't feel right, no matter how Missy might be treating her. So she isn't rough, but she's quick and firm, sure, and Missy moans her appreciation into Bill's neck, where she's started trailing kisses. When Bill curls her fingers, Missy bites into Bill's shoulder, and that's never been something that Bill has been into, but Bill feels heat rush through her at the sensation, and is surprised at herself.

Missy comes quickly and loudly - Bill isn't sure what she expected, she's a drama queen - but thankfully most of the sound is absorbed by the skin of Bill's neck.

As she breathes a bit harder than usual, Missy lifts her head and gives her a glassy smile.

"Precious girl," she says, kissing her jaw. "Making me feel so good. Such beautiful, strong fingers." She takes Bill's hand, the one that's only just withdrawn from her jeans, and takes Bill's glistening fingers in her mouth, without breaking eye contact.

Bill nearly dies on the spot, her heart skipping a beat and the ache between her legs becoming exponentially worse.

"Oh my god," she whispers.

"Definitely earned a reward," Missy tells her, and next thing Bill knows, Missy's fingers are inside her and Bill is letting out a slightly strangled cry at the unexpected sensation. Missy smirks.

It's too slow, too gentle; Bill's had enough of that for the moment, she needs something else now. Not just her body, but her mind - she's too curious about what Missy is like when she's not being delicate.

"Harder," Bill manages to say, "Please."

That's how she ends up with Missy's mouth along her jaw while her fingers take her over and over, no less precise for the speed and force behind them. When those fingers curl, Bill's hand tightens in Missy's hair and Missy lets out a groan that tells Bill that she likes it far too much.

It isn't long before Bill reaches her climax, whimpering into Missy's hair as she clutches at her back, a neverending tirade of yes Missy please yes.

"You're so beautiful like this," Missy tells her as she stares down at her and pushes some of Bill's hair out of her face with one hand and sucks her fingers clean with the other. Missy's eyes are soft, almost reverent. "Was that good?"

Bill's hands slide up Missy's torso. "You know it was. It was amazing. Thank you. Can I… can I see you? You're still wearing so many clothes."

"What?" Missy blinks at her, like she's suddenly started speaking a foreign language. "Oh. Yes, of course."

It's not the easiest feat to get her out of her jeans, but they manage it, and then the bra and underwear disappear too, and Bill is left staring at her in awe. She splays a hand on Missy's lower back and tries to flip them over, only to find herself being promptly flipped right back.

Missy's eyes are alight with amusement and delight. "Ooh. Naughty. I'm still in charge here, Pottise. That bit's non-negotiable, I'm afraid."

"Look, can you please come here? I'm feeling a serious need to prove that you're not the only one here who is good at going down on girls," Bill tells her, making Missy's eyes flash.

"Is it going down when I'm currently astride you?" Missy asks as she lifts herself onto her knees and slowly brings herself higher up Bill's body, now holding herself above Bill's chest.

Bill stops her there, sitting up so that she can lean forward and press kisses to Missy's hip, to the bottom of her stomach. Her attention then goes to Missy's thighs, and she discovers a curiosity - what looks like some kind of scar, round and raised and ugly, on the top of her left thigh.

At any other time, Bill would be desperately curious to know what it is, or what it was from. As it is, Bill focuses only on pressing a light kiss to it before kissing further up until Missy lets out a moan as Bill's mouth reaches the apex of her thighs.

Missy's fingers slip into Bill's hair and grip it tight, holding her in place as if Bill had any intentions of being anywhere except between her legs.

Bill is as slow and sweet as she can be about it, kissing her there over and over until Missy finally expresses frustration after many minutes of soft, encouraging noises. Then she uses her tongue, finally, and the noises that escape Missy at that point are so obscene that they should not be in any way attractive to Bill, who has always gone more for subtlety. But they are, because it's Missy, and so of course, being able to make her make noises like that is the hottest, most incredible feeling ever.

The noise she makes when she reaches her climax is the worst by far, and Bill feels a flood of mortification as she realises that Theo and Nardole can probably hear them. Oh god.

She can't regret it, though, not when she just got to live out one of her wildest fantasies.

Once she's come down from the high of it all, Missy shifts so that she's lying next to Bill, pressed up against her, and reaches out to cup the back of her neck and kiss her slowly, leisurely, her hand sweeping across Bill's torso.

"Thank you, beautiful girl," she murmurs. "Did that help? I know it helped me, but that wasn't supposed to be the point."

Bill kisses her back. "It helped a lot. Seriously. I never thought sex could be… therapeutic, like this. And yet here we are."

"Here we are," Missy repeats, with a tiny smile.

Bill takes several deep breaths, evaluating her body, the pleasant tingling and soreness, and leans back on her pillows, smiling sheepishly.

"I can't believe we just did this," Bill says.

"One shag and you're already questioning your grip on reality? Goodness, I am good."

"My god, you're such a prat," Bill laughs. "Your ego is like nothing I've ever-"

She doesn't get the chance to finish her sentence, because Missy has flipped her over onto her stomach, and leaned over to put her hand between Bill's legs again, fucking her ungraciously and without warning.

Bill's cry of surprise turns into a moan she tries to stifle with the pillow in front of her. How is Missy this good? How can she just find the exact places she needs to touch to make Bill's body shudder, to make her mind swim?

"Shhhh," Missy murmurs, kissing down the back of Bill's neck and top of her spine. "You have a funny way of showing gratitude, Miss Potts."

She curls her fingers and Bill whimpers. It feels amazing.

"Now, I want a thank you, and then a please."

"Are you serious-"

Missy's hand stops moving. Bill's body goes into uproar.

"Okay, okay," Bill says quickly, realising she'd say anything to get her to keep going. "Thank you, Missy, for all of it. Please keep going."

Missy kisses the top of her shoulder, and just behind her right ear. "Good girl."

Bill melts a little at her words, and thankfully Missy's fingers start moving again, stroking her insistently until she's on the edge, then expertly to keep her there.

"Missy, please," Bill says.

"Please what, love?" Missy asks, kissing the top of her spine, still. Her other hand has since gone between Bill's body and the bed so that she can get a hold of one of Bill's breasts. "I'm fucking you into the mattress, you'll need to be more specific about what you want from here."

Heat shoots through Bill at her words, and Bill feels herself tipping over the edge unexpectedly, her hips jerking as she comes with her face buried in the pillow.

"Ooh, whoops," Missy says, sounding delighted. "God, that was something. You're nothing short of incredible, Miss Potts."

Bill tries to catch her breath, and feels warm at Missy's praise since otherwise she might have felt a bit embarrassed about what had just happened.

"I take it back, you can have the ego, you deserve it," Bill tells her.

Missy hums happily and kisses her shoulder blades. Her hands move to trace patterns over Bill's back, and it feels so soft and so good that Bill melts into her touch.

She doesn't realise she's fallen asleep until she wakes up to a shriek from Nardole.

He's standing in the doorway to her bedroom, staring at her with shock, and she becomes acutely aware of the fact that she's naked (he can't see anything because she's face down on the mattress, thank god) and has Missy snuggled into her side.

"Nardole, what the hell, man?!" Bill asks, squinting at him.

"I - what are you-"

"Leave," Missy says to him, voice low and dangerous and with an authority that makes Bill shiver. "Now."

Nardole squeaks and quickly shuts the door, and Missy makes a 'hmph' noise like a disgruntled cat and nuzzles into the back of Bill's neck.

"He won't be back any time soon," she says.

"Guess he wasn't here last night to hear us after all," Bill says thoughtfully.

"Guess not. Just Theo, then."

"Yeah, that's going to be weird," Bill replies.

"Why?"

"Well, he's like my dad. Or the closest thing I've ever had, to a dad. And I just fucked his girlfriend."

"She spent a fair bit more time fucking you than the other way around."

"You know what I mean!"

"I know you're a rare monogamous creature in our circle, Pottsie, but I promise you, it won't be that weird," Missy says. "Thete and I have well over a decade's experience in this sort of thing. Much closer to two, actually. The only thing he'll care about is that you're okay, and that you're feeling better."

"That makes sense," Bill admits. She can't actually imagine it going any other way, now that she thinks about it. "Is it morning?"

It's a stupid question - sunlight is streaming through the hotel window.

Missy rolls over to grab her phone and lets out a whistle.

"Four missed calls," she says, lifting her eyebrows. "Two from my brother, one from my sobriety sponsor, and-"

She trails off, pursing her lips and glancing at Bill, who gets a look at the screen as she turns to lie on her back.

Sure enough, there's a little '2' by the missed call notification that says Emil, and then another notification from someone called Seb, who must be the mysterious sobriety sponsor. Who either Missy has decided she doesn't need to be so weirdly secretive about, or was definitely a cover for Missy's actual secret caller, who Bill would bet her arse is the Private Number notification that remains.

"You going to call them back?"

Missy smiles and throws the phone away. "Later. I had something more fun in mind."

Bill lifts her eyebrows. "Oh yeah?"

"Well," Missy says, voice coy, eyelashes fluttering. "If this is our one and only chance, as we both know it ought to be, then shouldn't we make the most of it?" Her hand is trailing over Bill's sternum.

Bill grins and hooks her leg around Missy's waist and pulls their bodies flush together, making Missy let out a noise of surprise and delight.

"That's my girl."

Bill has no doubt that this time, and the time after that, and the time after that (and a few more times besides), Nardole definitely does hear them.

She'll deal with the problem of having to look him and Theo in the eye later. It'll be worth it.

Chapter Text

Bill and Missy finish things off with a shower together, which is nice and strangely hilarious since Missy insists on singing the entire time. Bill is relieved that neither Theo or Nardole are around to see them leaving Bill's room or entering the bathroom together.

They part ways afterwards to get dressed, but Bill goes to Missy's room afterwards, and watches as Missy pulls on heeled leather boots and zips them up.

"Yes, dearest?" Missy asks, without looking up.

"I guess I just wanted to say… thanks," Bill says slowly. "For… well, the best night of my life, probably. Definitely."

Missy laughs a little and straightens up from bending over her boot. She crosses to the doorway where Bill is leaning on the frame.

"And thank you for a lovely, lovely night," Missy says with a smile, touching her arm. "I do wish I could do more for you."

"What you did was… weirdly perfect," Bill admits. "I didn't even know that it was what I needed. Seriously. Thank you so much. You're a really good friend. A really weird friend too, mind, but a good one."

Missy looks surprised by this, eyes soft. "Oh. Well. You're welcome. Not sure I've ever been much of a good friend before. Not even to Thete, I'm a rubbish friend to him really."

"First time for everything," Bill tells her, with a grin, and Missy chuckles.

"Got me there." She looks back up at Bill, and reaches up to cup Bill's face in her hand. She kisses Bill softly, sweetly, and Bill kisses her back automatically. "Thank you for some truly lovely memories to keep me warm on nights to come."

Bill blushes a bit. "Yeah. Same."

Missy takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. "Come on. Time to face the boys, I think."

Still holding her hand, she leads Bill out into the suite's living area, where Theo and Nardole are in the middle of a game of chess.

"Oh, there you are," Nardole says, without looking up from the board. "Sapphic sex marathon over now, is it? Ow!" Theo had flicked his face, making him yelp.

Missy snorts.

"Morning, you two," Theo says to them both, ignoring Nardole clutching his cheek. He looks to Bill. "How are you doing?"

It should be weird, him asking that when they all know that he knows what she's been doing with Missy. Somehow, it just… isn't.

"Better," Bill says, honestly. "It's gonna suck for a while, but… I have you guys. I haven't really lost anything, because she was just some girl in a crowd I've never spoken to."

"We all know she was more than that," Theo replies.

Bill shakes her head firmly. "No, she could have been more than that, but she wasn't. It's as simple as that. And now I'm going to move on."

"Okay. You do what you need to do."

"That being your girlfriend, apparently," Nardole remarks, earning himself another flick on the face. "Ow!"

Missy moves to the kitchen to make coffee, while Bill sits down near Theo and Nardole. She takes a look at their chessboard, and tries to work out who is winning. It looks fairly even, since they're about as sneaky as each other, but Theo looks to have the edge, which seems about right. She spots a potential move for Theo to do, and has to clamp her lips shut so that she doesn't say anything.

"Did you have any missed calls this morning, Missy?" Theo asks.

"Yes, I did, as a matter of fact."

"Call them back when you can, yeah? All of them?"

Missy looks at him, the smallest flash of worry in her face. "Is everything alright? Emil usually calls three times if something is properly-"

"Nothing's wrong. Or nothing major, just… you know, a typical hiccup." Theo glances at Bill and Nardole, then back at Missy. "I just know your voice would be appreciated, that's all."

"Of course," Missy says, with a rare seriousness about her. "I'll call as soon as the coffee's ready."

Theo nods.

"Has anyone ever told you that you two are like, too good at having conversations that withhold crucial information?" Bill asks. "How do you even learn that?"

"Rehab, probably," Nardole says.

"Watch it, egg boy," Missy snarls, her fists clenched at her sides, her eyes alight with an unexpected spark of anger.

Theo watches her, expression more guarded than before, as impossible to read as ever. "Leave it, Missy," he says. "You were an addict. That's not news. We've joked about it before."

"We joke about it on my terms, not his, he has no idea-"

"Because it's private, and as such, we don't talk about it," Theo agrees, his voice extremely patient, his gaze calm but firm. "Hence: he couldn't possibly have any idea. You know that, Missy."

Missy takes a breath and squares her jaw. "I'm going to make those calls. I'll be a while, probably."

She grabs her phone, hits a button, and lifts it to her ear as she stirs the coffee.

"Emil," she says, "sorry I missed you earlier, I was thoroughly preoccupied with something very important, but I'm now here and completely at your disposal. What happened?"

There's a pause.

"I see." She finishes stirring the coffee and picks up the mug, heading back across the living space and towards her bedroom. "And whose fault actually was it? Give me your proper, objective opinion, because let's be honest, we're rooting for a historically conniving side here. Which is hilariously wonderful, obviously, but it can make things difficult." Another pause. "I see. What does John think? Because he's the one that-"

She disappears out of earshot.

"What's all that about?" Bill asks Theo.

"It's nothing," Theo replies. "Just something back home. Nothing Emil and John can't deal with, really, but they like to ask our advice, sometimes."

"Right."

"Emil's the good looking one with the beard, isn't he?" Nardole asks.

Theo chuckles. "That's the one."

"I like him. I mean, he sort of terrifies me, but he's very attractive. Especially when he wears those glasses."

"He's also married," Theo says, lifting an eyebrow and getting up to head for the coffee maker. "And monogamous. And no offense, but he'd eat you alive."

"I know," Nardole says defensively. "Just making conversation. A man's allowed to look, you know."

"I didn't think he was your type."

Nardole snorts. "I don't have a type, it changes with weather."

The tour continues. Star Girl still is nowhere to be seen. Bill's heart aches, but fractionally less so with each day that passes. It's going to take a long while, longer than perhaps is logical since she didn't really know her, but Bill knows she'll be okay eventually.

The week in Utah arrives, and no one should be able to look that good getting out of a car in the middle of nowhere, but of course River Song manages it.

They're in some place called the Plain of Sighs, which sounds made up but apparently isn't, even though Bill can't find it on a map no matter how many times somebody tries to show her.

It's hot. It's remote. And Bill has never been more thankful for the tour bus and all of its comforts than she is right now.

River gives Bill a big hug upon arriving, which is wonderful, and she has Helen with her, as well as another woman that Bill doesn't recognise.

"It's good to see you again, Bill," Helen says, and after a brief hesitation on both of their parts, they hug in greeting. "I want you to meet my girlfriend Liv. Well, other girlfriend, since you clearly know the, uh, other."

Ah. Of course. River and Helen had mentioned Liv, briefly.

"It's good to meet you, finally," Liv says.

"Nice to meet you too."

Liv is about River's age, and while nothing particularly special to look at, has a kind of gravitas to her, an authority to how she moves even when just surveying the scenery, her hand on her hip.

Bill's into it. She's also into how Helen and Liv are holding hands, and how Helen is smiling at Liv like she's the most brilliant thing she's ever seen.

"Well, I suppose this place looks as good as any," Liv remarks, eyeing the landscape. "Why Utah?"

"Wish we knew, it seems to be some kind of weird inside joke between Theo and River, and honestly, I'm a bit afraid to ask," Bill says, making a face. "Just because they're... them."

Liv snorts at that. "Fair enough. I suppose it doesn't really matter. I'm just here to make sure nothing falls to pieces and nobody gets hurt."

"You're like, a med tech, right? What does that mean?"

"It's a fake job title we made up, because I fix the machines and I fix the people," Liv says wryly. "Seems to work okay."

Bill laughs. "I like it."

Liv smiles. "Yeah, me too. Now, come on, we need to pry the married lovebirds apart before they disappear on a spontaneous trip to Vegas or out their entire marriage to the world in one afternoon."

"You say the Vegas thing like it's happened before."

Helen makes a face. "Well, I could lie and tell you otherwise, but it wouldn't be true. I had to drag her out of the church and remind her that there was a reason the first marriage ceremony only had two witnesses."

Bill stares. "How did she take that?"

"She sort of… didn't. She just threw up in a bush and let me take her to a hotel to sleep it off," Helen says, frowning at the memory. "Come to think of it, I've no idea what happened to Theo that night. He just sort of… materialised the next morning."

"That's because I'm an incredibly handsome man of great mystery and genius," Theo says from behind Bill, making her jump and say 'fuck' extremely loudly.

Helen laughs. "Is that it?"

"Well, yeah, minus the man bit because that's rubbish," Theo says, shrugging. "Still. What happened that night is best left in Vegas. I didn't bribe Nardole to never tell anybody what happened that night to suddenly go sharing it around now."

"That was the night we met," Nardole recalls. "No way to start a friendship than with some moderate extortion, I always say."

"Why is everyone I know a complete basketcase," Bill wonders aloud, with great despair, staring off into the distance and reevaluating her lesbian hermit idea - this time: desert edition.

"I don't know, but we've got a video to film, so come on, you lot, let's get going," Liv tells them, fixing a firm look on all of them.

Theo looks at her and smirks. "Yes ma'am."

They head over to Clara, who is talking to Rigsy, their director. He's young, even younger than Bill, but that has no bearing on his artistic prowess and vision. He's insanely talented, no doubt about it.

"You guys head to the Sisterhood for makeup, we're good here, just going over some stuff," he tells them when they approach.

"Did you get my notes?" Theo asks him.

"Did, loved them, working it all in," Rigsy tells him, grinning. "It's going to be great, don't worry."

They all make their way towards the hair and makeup trailer, where sure enough, their head stylist Ohila and several of her talented sisters are waiting to attend to them. Ohila takes charge of River, who is the focus of the video, and the two of them laugh as they have a good old catch up, gossiping about Theo in a manner that has Bill occasionally staring at them with disbelief.

Ohila is… weirdly terrifying, and yet also capable of being extremely sweet. It leaves Bill's instincts around her rather confused.

When he finally arrives, Ohila berates Theo for being late to makeup, and pauses in her work on River to go over and quickly get him sorted, clicking her tongue with displeasure at him as she grabs hair products and combs her fingers through his hair.

Bill decides to livestream to Instagram. (How they have signal out here, she has no idea, Psi is some kind of miracle worker.)

"Hey internet!" Bill greets. "We're getting ready to film the Hell In High Heels video! Say hi to the team! These guys are what we call the Sisterhood, they're the most insanely talented stylists ever. Their fearsome leader is currently wrangling Theo into submission."

"Which, sadly, isn't as fun or naughty as it sounds, but just as entertaining to watch," River remarks, as Bill turns her chair and lifts the phone so it gets River in the frame, and behind her, Theo in his chair fussing while Ohila deals with him.

"Say hi to the internet, Theo!" Bill tells him.

"Really?!" he asks, glowering and trying to swat at Ohila's hand, only to get whacked on the head with a comb.

"He's so cute when he fusses," River remarks, and Bill shifts the camera a bit to get River in the frame. "Hello, internet!" She blows kisses at the camera. "I'm very happy to be back with my absolute favourite people."

"We're glad to have you back too," Bill says.

"Speak for yourself."

"Shut up, Missy."

The idea for the music video is straightforward enough.

It shows a storyline of the Event Horizon members at a booth in this obscure diner out in the middle of nowhere, all having a good time and chatting to the waitress (they've managed to convince Clara to play the waitress, just for fun, and she looks so adorable in the blue dress and sneakers).

Then enters the mysterious, gorgeous stranger in high heels - River, of course. Each of the Event Horizon members, excluding Nardole, then do their best to try and flirt with River, to varying levels of success. Nardole, meanwhile, is shown to be on Tinder talking to a weird assortment of people.

The whole thing is of course interspersed with shots of the group out in the bare terrain with their instruments, playing.

They decide to have some fun and actually play the different dynamics in the music video fairly honestly.

Missy, although not normally one to admit she finds River attractive, is convincing enough when it comes to pretending to look her over and going to flirt with her, and River gives as good back. Their chemistry is weird, but strangely compelling, and Bill feels a bit flushed just watching them. Their segment ends with Missy appearing to say something off putting that has River frown at her, and them butting heads a bit, resulting in Missy heading back to the group table unsuccessful.

Theo, of course, approaches River with a big charming grin but quickly becomes flustered and confused while she just laughs indulgently.

Bill, similarly, tries to be smooth and absolutely fails, but River seems vaguely into it.

The video ends with the band members pausing in their efforts to argue about who had done a better job, and looking in on what Nardole has been doing instead, only to look up and find River gone, mysteriously, and being vaguely dismayed about it.

Ashildr cameos in the background of the video, as one of the diner patrons, and can be seen flirting with the waitress, making Clara grin at them.

The musical sequences out in the open air are both more straightforward and more complicated, and it's a relief to get them over with.

By the time they've filmed everything, there's a wonderful sense of accomplishment to the diner filled with crew and extras, and Rigsy is grinning from ear to ear when he steps out from behind the cameras.

"That's a wrap," he says finally, and the room erupts into applause. Bill finds herself being hugged and kissed on the cheek by River Song, which is a bit overwhelming, and she's a bit relieved when River is replaced with Nardole.

"We did it," Bill says to Theo when it's their chance to embrace, and he grins at her.

"Yes, yes we did." He looks over at River, who is busy talking animatedly to Helen and Liv, and his eyes are as stupidly adoring as always.

"Was it fun flirting with her on camera?"

"It's always fun flirting with her," he replies, with a little grin. "But yes, that was an interesting new element. Was it fun for you?"

"Obviously."

Bill can't wait to see how it looks when it's all been put together and edited.

They spend one last night camped out in the middle of nowhere, and Bill spends most of the night walking out in the fresh air, taking it all in. She has a notebook with her and jots down song ideas as best she can by the light of her phone.

She crawls into her bed in the tour bus in the wee hours of the morning and knows she'll curse herself later.

Bill sleeps in until about ten, and miraculously doesn't feel too much like death when she wakes up. After getting dressed, she decides to ask Theo if he might help her with the lyrics she came up with last night. They might make a good songwriting duo, this time around.

She heads out of her room and to his door, and knocks. "Theo? It's me."

"Oh, Bill! It's open, come on in."

Bill opens the door, and immediately comes to a stop.

Theo is sitting up in his bed, shirtless, and being passed a joint by Missy, who is not quite covered by the duvet or sheets and is leaning contently against his left shoulder. On his right is River, whose extremely visible dark green bra leaves little to the imagination.

"Pottsie!" Missy greets, beaming at her. "You're looking radiant this morning."

"I haven't even showered yet," Bill replies, frowning at her.

River stretches, and yawns. She shouldn't be attractive while doing that, but she absolutely is. "What's that got to do with anything? A real woman has at least one layer of dirt to give her some character. You're gorgeous, darling."

"Right," Bill says, her mouth suddenly dry, "I'm just gonna… go-"

"No, no, don't be silly, it's fine," Theo protests. He takes a long drag from the joint and blows the smoke out into far right corner of the room, away from everyone else. "What can we do for you, Bill?"

Bill just takes in the scene again, trying not to get distracted by partly naked Missy - or rather, probably fully naked but partly under the covers Missy - and somewhat failing. Still, it's considerably better than awkwardly staring at Theo's chest, or River's, since Missy has at least previously given her permission to do so.

Missy winks at her, and Bill feels her cheeks turn crimson.

"This is ridiculous," Bill says, "look, just come find me when you're done with your stoner orgy, or whatever, okay?"

"Don't be ridiculous, that was last night, we're just winding down now," Missy remarks. "And watch the judgement in your tone, dear, it's not our fault that Song and I can't have sex sober."

"If you don't want to have sex with someone when you're sober, maybe that's, I dunno, a sign you shouldn't have sex with them?" Bill says sarcastically. "Or is that too wild a concept for you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I've just had to spend days pretending to be besotted with her, I had to fuck that infuriating smirk off her face," Missy replies without missing a beat.

River smirks again, and Missy rolls her eyes, growling something at her in what sounds like Russian. It sounds like she is threatening violence. Bill kind of hopes it is violence, anyway.

"Behave, both of you," Theo tells them.

"I'm sorry, since when are you in charge, in this bed?" Missy asks, staring at him with near astonishment while River seems similarly bewildered and arches an eyebrow at him.

"I hate all of you," Bill mutters, and turns to go.

"I'm confused, what's the issue here?" Theo asks, sounding genuinely confused. "Look, I know they're both extremely annoying-"

"River, did that sound like a person who never wants to have sex again in his life?" Missy asks.

River side-eyes her husband. "Yes, it did a bit."

Theo ignores both of them and keeps his focus on Bill. "But you came in here to talk to me, didn't you?" River takes the joint off him and takes a long drag from it, while Theo barely seems to notice other than a single glance in her direction before his eyes are back on Bill, as sincere as ever. "Well, I'm here. Shoot."

"God, I swear, sometimes it's like you're an alien or something. I'm going. Find me later," Bill tells him, before shutting the door and walking away.

Hopefully she can find a coffee strong enough to work as a bleach for her brain.

Chapter Text

The next few concerts go off without a hitch, and while it still feels a little hollow without Star Girl there in the audience, Bill is learning to cope. And how can she be sad, when surrounded by such wonderful friends?

They all watch some TV for a bit, and Missy keeps nosing at Theo's neck until Bill tells them to get a room and they leave. Bill and Nardole enjoy their newfound space and stretch their legs a bit while still cuddling up with each other. Nardole is nice to cuddle, Bill has found, and he always inexplicably has biscuits, somewhere on hand. A truly valuable friend to have.

"Oh hey, Graham Norton, we've only missed the first five minutes or so," Bill says as she channel surfs, and puts the remote down to sit back and enjoy what feels like a home comfort. There's definitely something comforting about the Graham Norton Show.

Graham's couch is filled with familiar American movie stars tonight, and Bill is happy to enjoy the presence of Elliot Page, fellow queer and general wonderful human, as the show continues. Nardole shares his biscuits and makes them more hot chocolate, and things are good.

"Alright, and now, we have a performance from the one and only… Harry Saxon!"

"Oh shit," Bill says, blinking at the television, and Nardole also sits up a bit straighter.

The camera pans to a good looking man in his late forties with a silver goatee (which is a look that is surely dated, by now, and yet somehow, just… works for him) and a wicked grin.

The musicians behind him start up, and he joins in with the guitar in his hands. Bill's heard the song once before, it's his most famous one and turns up in the random Spotify charts playlists. It's a bit more classic rock in sound than the kind of thing that one hears in the charts, but she knows this one, 'Disguises', has made it in there regardless, just not into the top half.

"Damn, he's good," Bill says, impressed. He sounds exactly the same live as he does in the polished recordings.

"Like I said, he has a presence," Nardole replies, shrugging.

It's certainly true - Saxon flirts with the camera, the audience, and one of his backup singers, and has an undeniable charisma about him. He finishes the song with a flourish and a laugh.

Graham Norton crosses the stage to clasp his hand. "That was brilliant, have I ever mentioned how glad some of us older timers are that you're back on the scene?"

"Not as glad as me, I'm sure,"  Saxon says, grinning and following him to sit on the edge of the sofa, next to Elliot Page. He quickly shakes hands with everyone else on the couch, before reclining with his ankle on top of his opposite knee, the picture of ease.

"Well, Harry, you're back, well and truly, now,"  Graham says to him. "How does that feel?"

"Well, I dipped my toe in, with the first album,"  Saxon says, "just to see if I still had the knack, to see if I could generate any interest on my own. And, surprise! Everyone loved it, and so now I'm back, full force, and people are going nuts."

"As they should be."

Saxon laughs. "As they should be!"

One of the actors on the couch compliments the album, and Saxon nods and says thanks, asking about their favourite song, which is apparently 'Give Us A Kiss', which the others start praising, especially Graham.

"What about you, you listened to it?"  Saxon asks Elliot Page next to him.

"No, I'm not straight,"  he says, making Bill snort and about half of the audience along with Graham roar with laughter, while Saxon looks a bit put out.

"That is… a mood," Bill says. "Like, I did a quick look into it, and it seems like most of his fans are thirsty heterosexual women. Like, some bisexuals, yeah, but loads of straights. Especially teenage girls, and women in their forties. Which, you know, is… fine, but-"

"Are you trying to say that being a fan of Harold Saxon is heterosexual culture?"

Bill hesitates. "I mean, those are your words, and a bit Elliot's, not mine-"

"Because this bisexual is now a bit offended."

"Are you actually a fan?"

"Well, yeah, a bit," Nardole says defensively. "I just don't talk about it, for fairly obvious reasons. I like my head where it is, thank you, and Missy would definitely have it."

"Fair enough."

They turn their attention back to the television, and one of the actors is complaining about how his wife wouldn't stop talking about how attractive Saxon is, and Saxon is grinning from ear to ear.

"Sounds like my wife,"  Saxon says, earning another laugh from the audience and an eye roll from Elliot Page, who if Bill isn't mistaken, seems to have shuffled an inch away from him.

"So, Harry, what's solo fame like, compared to being in the Renegades?" Graham asks him.

Saxon sits up a bit, and steeples his fingers. "You know, I think it suits me. I never was one for sharing the spotlight anyway. And I'm also not one for compromise. So being able to do just what I want? It's great."

"That old stuff was good, though,"  Elliot says to him. "The Renegades? My mom raised me on that. You three were an insanely good team."

"Oh, I know, there's no questioning that,"  Saxon replies, nodding. "We were bloody magic together. I think I firmly believe that few people will ever have the connection we had."

"So why'd you guys break up?"

Saxon shrugs. "Nothing lasts forever. One day it just fell apart. It happens. You drink a lot of whiskey and write a song about it, and you find a way to move on."

"I think half the country is itching to see the three of you reunite, even if it was just for one night,"  Graham says.

Saxon spreads his hands, eyebrows up. "Hey, I'm game if they are. I'd love to see them again, it's been years. I miss them, you know? I really do. They were everything to me, they really were."

Bill hears a sharp intake of breath from behind her, and turns to see Missy standing there, her form dwarfed by the shirt hanging off her body that is definitely Theo's, her eyes glued to the screen.

"Oh, shit, hey," Bill says, hitting the pause button on the television. "Sorry, it was just… on. And we're curious."

"It's fine," Missy mutters, shaking her head and moving towards the kettle. It's fairly obvious from her face that it isn't particularly fine. "Don't pause it on my account."

Bill isn't sure, but Nardole grabs the remote and presses play, and Missy comes to sit on the arm of the couch while she waits for the kettle to boil. Bill tries not to get distracted by how much leg is currently on display and right next to her, or by how beautiful Missy looks with her hair all messy. Remembering that it's messy because she's just been boning Theo is fairly helpful on that front, but even so, it brings up memories of when it had been that messy because of being in Bill's bed, and -

The show starts playing again. Missy's hand finds its way to the back of Bill's neck and strokes the skin there, fingers twisting gently in her hair. Bill swallows hard, and tries to avoid having a gay heart attack. She only has to take a look at Missy's face to guess that she's doing it to anchor herself. Therefore, Bill can't complain.

"Now, be honest, you and Missy Masters, were you ever…"  Graham Norton trails off so that he can waggle his eyebrows. "Because I remember the Renegades days, and you were all very close, but I remember, you and Missy especially seemed to be all over each other."

The hand in Bill's hair tightens a little, not enough to hurt, but enough to make Bill glance at Missy with worry. Her face is unreadable.

"Oh, she's just like that, she's very touchy feely,"  Saxon says, waving his hand. "Provided she actually likes you, which is the difficult bit. She's hard to win over, but god, it's worth it to have her in your corner. What an incredible woman."

Missy's hand tightens in an instant, to the point of pain.

"Hey, ow," Bill says to her, making Missy blink at her and immediately withdraw her hand.

"Oh, sorry, love, I-" She swallows, and for the first time Bill notices tears in her eyes, which she quickly wipes at, hand drawing over her face carefully.

"What's wrong?" Bill asks, catching her free hand. "Missy, seriously." She becomes acutely aware of the TV pausing again as Nardole turns his attentions to them instead.

Missy just shakes her head and slides off the arm of the couch. "It's nothing."

"It clearly isn't."

"It's just… it's a lot," Missy says, gnawing on her lip and glancing at the screen. "Seeing him. Hearing him - hearing him talk about me. It's like being thrown in a time machine and hurled back into the 90's."

"He seems to think really highly of you," Bill says.

Missy lets out a strange noise, a mix between a laugh and a hiccup, her eyes soft and sad. "Yeah. Yeah, well, he would, wouldn't he? I'm…. well." She does a little flourish of a gesture towards her face, smiling faintly. "Me. Singular, irreplaceable, gorgeous, obscenely talented-"

"And so modest," Nardole says, eyebrow up.

Bill, meanwhile, curses the fact that she'd just been nodding along with every single item along the list, and is grateful neither of them seemed to have noticed her doing it.

Missy's lips twitch at Nardole's words, her eyes sparking for a moment before they're melancholy again. "Yeah, well, point is, he was the only one who ever really understood me, so-" She purses her lips. "Well, so nothing. It doesn't matter now."

"Kinda seems like it does," Bill says. "Like, I'm done pushing you about what happened, it's obvious you don't want to talk about it, but… it clearly isn't over."

Missy's hand brushes over the top of her left thigh through the fabric of the shirt, while her face remains difficult to read, but the gesture seems to ground her, somehow.

(It also makes Bill's heart beat a little faster, because it draws her attention back to Missy's legs, and if that weren't usually bad enough, Bill now has some very particular memories about those legs that bring a flush up her neck.)

"Maybe not," Missy says, jaw tight. "I suppose we'll see. Unpause it, Nardole, lets see what else he has to say."

Nardole does so, and Missy lingers behind the couch to watch, hands on the tops of the cushions.

"And Theodore?"  Graham asks. "Were there ever competitions for Missy's affections? The rumour mill was rampant, back then."

"God no, have you met her? She'd have had our necks if we'd tried anything that stupid,"  Saxon laughs. A moment later, he does a cocky little gesture to himself, giving a couple of different angles. "Besides, look at me. Don't get me wrong, Theo's gorgeous, but he's got nothing on me."

Bill is vaguely aware of Missy moving away from the couch and towards the kettle that has since stopped making noise, and she hears the mugs slam onto the counter much more forcefully than necessary. She also thinks she hears Missy muttering to herself in Russian again. (Bill's never worked out why that seems to be her language of choice, since as far as she knows, Missy is Scottish with a tiny bit of Mexican some way back in her lineage, with no Russian blood in sight. But then, it's Missy, so maybe the whole Scottish Mexican thing had been a joke, come to think of it.)

"Now, to get back on topic, I want to talk about your fans, because, god, there's so many of them,"  Graham says. "But what gets me most is the name."

Saxon's eyes flash with satisfaction, and his lips curl into a grin. "Oh, that."

"The Cult of Saxon,"  Graham reads off the screen he has next to him, showing some tweets from various members of said 'cult'.

In the kitchen, Bill hears one of the mugs hit the floor with a crash, and whirls her head around to see Missy standing there, holding one mug in her hand while she stares at the TV, barely seeming to have registered that she's dropped the other one.

It sound like Saxon is laughing. "Yeah, it's weird, I love it. Saxonite is the other one, which is nice and lowkey, but who really wants lowkey these days? I love how extra they all are."

Missy finally looks down at the broken mug and the spilt tea. "Oh, I'll-" She looks lost, disorientated, the hand holding the other mug shaking a little, the tea inside almost sloshing over the side. "I'll clean that up later."

She grabs a bottle of whiskey from the nearby cabinet with her now free hand and steps around the broken glass to make her way back to Theo's room.

"Night, you two," she mutters as she goes.

"Night," they chorus, before looking at each other with vague concern, and then back at the television when they don't dare comment on her behaviour yet.

Graham is reading out thirsty tweets from Saxon fans that make everyone on the couch laugh (with the exception of Elliot Page, who only cracks smiles at a couple), and Bill cringes at most of them. Also, Saxon just seems to enjoy the attention a bit too much, no matter the age or gender of the person in question. It leaves an uncertain, unpleasant feeling in her stomach.

"It's a shame I'm happily married,"  Saxon says with a chuckle after Graham reads the last tweet. "That could have been fun."

Elliot Page is regarding Saxon with a scepticism that just about summarises how Bill feels about the whole thing. It must be an innate queer wisdom thing.

"You know, Missy said to not trust a single word he says," Bill tells Nardole, who pauses in his biscuit eating, and then just scoffs.

"Oh, right, because she's such a paragon of truth and honesty," he says, rolling his eyes.

Bill has to admit that he has a point, there. "I mean, doesn't he… give you a weird vibe, though?"

"I dunno," Nardole says with a shrug, "I mean, sure, he seems like he's probably a bit of an arse, but he seems harmless enough. Besides, if we're not supposed to trust a single word he says, then why did Missy say he was telling the truth when he was saying how great he thought she was? Seemed a bit convenient, don't you think?"

Bill hadn't thought of it like that. The uncertainty inside her grows and begins to fester, but it's different now. Bill hadn't actually ever doubted Missy until now, but Nardole has a point. How can everything Saxon says be a lie, if Missy herself had confirmed that at least some of it is true?

"Man, I dunno, I get more confused about this whole thing the more I learn," Bill sighs. "Almost makes me want to talk to him myself. Almost."

The show wraps up, and it's a bit of a relief to have Saxon out of sight, since it means he's that much close to being out of mind. At least, in theory. Bill knows it'll be a while longer before she can get his face out of her head.

There's definitely something there, something underneath his charming exterior. Something quiet and insidious that sets off something in Bill's subconscious, some little warning that there's something bad wrong dangerous about him.

Would she have noticed it if Missy's words hadn't made her look deeper? Hadn't tipped her off? Who knows. But it's there, now, and that's what matters.

Bill might not know right now exactly what it is, but she is absolutely going to find out, even if it takes months of patience.

And then, if she really doesn't like it, she might just deck him in his stupid, round, smirking face.

Chapter Text

20 Reasons Why Event Horizon Is Everyone's Favourite Band Right Now

Buzzfeed Entertainment

1. They have songs for every occasion

Whether you need a banger for your party, or a nice slow ballad to cry to, or a dynamic love song to sing to your crush, this lot have you covered.

2. They're an adorable, weird family.

As Bill Potts herself put it: "Definitely didn't think I'd end up with a weird band, my weird band, as my family, but here I am." And then she was cuddled by Missy and Nardole. Too cute!

3. They're all openly queer

What happens when an adorable lesbian bassist, a mysterious bisexual drummer, a weird af pansexual keyboardist, and an ambiguously queer guitarist walk into a bar? The best music of the year, of course!

We love how chill and open Event Horizon are about their identities - and respect Theo's decision that the specifics of his are none of our business!

4. On that note, Bill Potts.

One of the most iconic lesbians of the decade, Bill Potts is just too. Damn. cute. She's always got a huge smile, and has the most epic hair possible. Afros for the win! Plus, she seems to usually be having some kind of gay crisis, often because of Missy Masters. #relatable

5. Theodore Smith *swoon*

Now, some people know him from the Renegade days, and others have only discovered him last week. But I think we can all agree that Theo Smith is cool personified, or at least the coolest nerd of a rockstar we've ever seen, probably. Also, that accent. He's certainly more attractive than he's sometimes given credit for.

6. Missy Masters

If Theo is the definition of cool, and Bill the definition of cute, Missy Masters is certainly the definition of weird. Infamous for whipping out things such as kazoos while in the middle of a performance, or abandoning her keyboard in the middle of a song to crowd surf, Missy is known to be mad as a hatter, and certainly owns it. We love how unapologetically true to herself she always is. 18 years was too long to go without her, so we love that The Bitch Is Back!

7. Nardole Dellora

As far as we can tell, Nardole isn't the definition of anything. The beauty of Nardole? He's undefinable - well, except that he's bi bi bi, as he'll musically remind anybody who asks, to the tune of a certain NSYNC song. The oddball of the group, he's somehow jolly, snarky, and mysterious all at once. We do love a man of mystery! He's certainly a drum master, too, and we love how he keeps Theo in check!

8. Their friendship with River Song

The song 'Hell In High Heels' was a dream come true for many, with one of the queens of pop teaming up with our favourite band to create one of the best collaborations we've heard in years. When's that music video? The behind the scenes pictures that have been released aren't enough!

The band are often spied spending time with River outside of work, often in the company of Ashildr, and Ashildr's girlfriend, Event Horizon's manager Clara Oswald. Talk about the coolest squad ever!

9. The TARDIS!

The iconic tour bus, dating back to the Renegade Days (but having seen a fair amount of renovation since then), is known for its name Totally And Radically Driving In Style. What we wouldn't give for a trip in it!

10. The flirting/the secrets

Event Horizon are notorious for flirting with each other (with a few exceptions, obviously, since Bill is a lesbian and we know that Theo is a paternal figure of sorts), and even more so for being completely unforthcoming about their actual romantic relationships. This makes for an active, wild fandom full of speculation, and while it can sometimes get out of hand, it's also a lot of fun.

Someone in this band must be screwing one of the others, but damned if we know who! They're too good at keeping us guessing while being absolute teases.

(Also, Missy, seriously. What even was that tweet about the soap.) 

11. Missodore

People have had their eye on these two since the Renegades days, with many theorising the band's breakup had been to do with romantic drama with other band member Harry Saxon.

Whether they've ever been a couple or not, their chemistry can't be denied. They're childhood friends who tease each other mercilessly but are obviously also fond of each other, if a bit reluctantly.

Also, that stage kiss in LA. *fans self* It might have been all for show, but it was one hell of a kiss.

12. Potsy

As much as she's notorious for flirting with Theo, Missy is just as prone to flirting with Bill, which often leads to Bill blushing like a maniac. It's adorable, and it's hard to find times when they're not touching in some way or another. And again, those kisses onstage are really something. Either they're the cutest, sneakiest May-December couple around, or they're #BFFgoals

(Once again, the soap tweet. Missy tweeted the next day clarifying that she does not in fact eat soap, but just thinks those fancy decorative varieties look 'yummy'. Some fans theorised this was a metaphor for her relationship with Bill, while others are insisting that her lack of denial when it comes to uh... the bassist part of the tweet is proof of... well. You know.) 

13. Songsmith

Especially since the live performance of 'Hell In High Heels', which featured some insane chemistry and flirting between Theo and River, the Songsmith ship has been sailing loud and proud. River claims that Theo isn't her type, but we're not so sure. How could she resist that grin?

14. Theodole

Although most regard this particular pairing with scepticism, there are a few passionate fans and writers of some, uh, interesting fanfic. Also, since that adorable picture of them cuddled up asleep on Bill's Instagram, how can we not ship #Theodole just a bit?

15. Missy's cat ears!

We don't know why, but at almost every meet and greet, Missy appears with a furry cat ears headband on. It looks so cute, we're not going to question it!

16. Their fashion sense

It might not be the most cohesive, but we can't deny Event Horizon knows how to look good. Between Nardole's waistcoats, Theo's suits, and the girls constantly mixing it up but always slaying, consider us dead at how these guys so consistently look out of this world.

17. Twitter convos

Whether it's flirting shamelessly or being blatant in their disdain towards certain presidential figures, most fans worth half their salt know to have every member as well as River Song and Ashildr on notifications so they don't miss anything.

18. Bill's song (and possible secret romance?!)

There's surely no heartstrings that went unpulled when Bill Potts surprised everyone by debuting the first song for the band written and led by her, 'Promise You Won't Go'. It talks about a girl with 'a star in her eye' that she's only ever seen from a distance but wants to be closer to, and looks forward to seeing her in the future.

The song has only been performed one time, at the concert in San Diego on the 5th of April, but a decent quality recording of it was uploaded to Youtube, and has seen over six million views. The footage does seem to support claims that Bill appeared to be singing to somebody in the audience, but the camera was on the wrong angle to capture the section of crowd where she was looking, and seemed to be more focused on capturing Bill herself, which is absolutely fair!

We'll just be stuck wondering about what happened with Bill and whoever this song is about until something becomes official, it seems!

19. The Bitch Is Back

Hailed as being right up there with the Cell Block Tango from Chicago as a 'musical equivalent of red lipstick', this song, written and fronted by Missy, is one that can make any woman feel like she can take over the world or dance while it burns. Or, you know, step on men's chests with stilettos or something. Whatever you're into. It's 2017, shit's crazy, and this unapologetic female power bop is definitely what we need right now.

20. They're genuinely the nicest people

Event Horizon's fans are always sharing stories of how open and kind Theo, Nardole, and Bill are. Theo is known to write personal letters to some of his younger fans, Nardole is the king of selfies and will take them with anyone who asks, and Bill remains a smiling beacon of hopeful lesbianism to any young queer girl that crosses her path.

Missy is a partial exception to this rule, being known to lose her chill at fans who don't respect her rules around all physical contact being initiated by her (but you know, fair enough), but she claims to be a massive bitch anyway, so does it matter? Especially when it just... does not seem to even be true based on most other fan accounts. For all her talk, she's supposed to be fairly amiable, if incredibly snarky. 

We can't wait to see what they'll come up with next!

Chapter Text

"Missy!"

Bill had been minding her own business, reading a nice relaxing lesbian novel she'd picked up while in Florida, when Clara Oswald storms onto the tour bus. She's five foot and one inch of pure exasperation, her face plastered with the expression of someone who is just so completely done.

"Where is she," Clara seethes.

"Uh," Bill says, mind blanking a bit as she tries to think what Missy could possibly have done now. "Why?"

"Check your phone-"

"Clara, so lovely to hear your dulcet tones in the late morning," Missy remarks dryly as she emerges from her room and heads for the coffee maker. "What brings you here?"

"You know exactly what," Clara says, scowling at her, before letting out an odd, hysterical laugh. "Why can't you just pretend to be normal? Just pretend?"

"Well, that sounds terribly dull-"

"I've just been on the phone with three different tabloids, because they were asking if it's true that you eat soap!"

Missy hesitates, and then chuckles. "Oh, that."

Bill, baffled, whips out her phone, and sure enough, finds a notification from Twitter, letting her know that Missy has tweeted. She opens it up only to nearly choke on thin air.

@missymasters - I like my soap how I like my bassists - cute enough to eat!

"Missy!" Bill exclaims, voice coming out as a weird, strangled squeak. "What the hell?"

"What, it was a joke! You know when they make those gorgeous little soaps that look like a cupcake or a piece of fruit, and they smell amazing, and you know you shouldn't-"

"Please tell me you don't actually eat soap," Clara says, voice flat, sounding abruptly like she's had her entire lifeforce drained from her.

Missy snorts. "Don't be ridiculous. If you'd let me finish, I'd have clarified that you know you shouldn't, logically, because it wouldn't work, and so you don't, but you want to. Rather like me with our beautiful bassist over there."

"Yeah, except with me, you… did," Bill points out, making Clara sigh loudly. Her lack of surprise tells Bill that Clara has apparently learned about their night together. Probably Nardole's fault, that.

"Well, that was different, I'm meaning on a more legitimate, long term level, obviously," Missy says, rolling her eyes like they're both idiots and she's explaining a very clear concept and not the apparent abstract metaphor of how Bill is like a pretty soap design to her. (Which, honestly… is it a compliment, or an insult? Bill has no idea how to feel.)

Bill tilts her head thoughtfully, frowning. "Still implies you at least nibbled the soap, then, though, doesn't it?"

"Maybe just a little lick," Missy says, winking at her, and Bill briefly feels her soul leave her body as she buries her face in the cushions of the window seat and resists the urge to scream.

The sound of rapid movement makes her look up, and she sees Clara having cornered Missy against the counter.

"Shut up, just shut up!" Clara tells her, looking to be legitimately in danger of losing her sanity. "You are going to pick up your phone, and tweet clarifying that you don't eat soap. You're not going to say anything about Bill. And I swear to god if you ever put me through something as agonising as that fucking phone call again, I'll-"

"You'll what?" Missy purrs, smirking at her. "Pin me against a counter and get all aggressive? It's dead sexy, you know, I should annoy you more often."

"Don't," Clara growls.

"Why not?"

"I already do loads for you, I deal with every fan you've gotten too forceful with when they forgot about your rules about physical contact, everything you've tipped over whenever you've gotten pissed about people bringing up Harry Saxon, I put up with how mean you are to me, I've fielded question after question about your being an ex-cokehead, and I've kept all of your secrets-"

"You don't know my secrets, Ozzie," Missy says, narrowing her eyes, voice quieter. "It's almost cute that you think you do. You keep Theo's secret about his marriage, and you don't tell everyone that we've been in love more or less since childhood, but that's it. Other than that, you know absolutely nothing about me."

"I know you're hiding something," Clara says, swallowing. "Something big. You think we don't notice you going away and making secretive phone calls? How you get them from a Private Number? I know you think we're idiots, but we're not, and I swear to god if what you're doing comes down on all of us, I will make you wish you'd never met me."

Bill finds herself wishing she had popcorn or sweets. She's seen Clara and Missy butt heads before, and realised how evenly matched they are, but this is a different level.

"You know, you only just made it more obvious you know nothing about me," Missy says, voice still quiet, but now with a small, deadly edge. "Because if you did, you'd know that there's absolutely nothing you could ever do that could scare me. Not even a little bit. I've looked into the eyes of a monster and laughed. You're a pathetic little puppy who has no idea how cruel the world can actually be. And you're too soft to ever say or do anything that could possibly-"

The slap rings out across the room as Clara's hand meets Missy's cheek. The sound is loud and unforgiving, and Bill is vaguely aware of herself gasping. It sounds painful as all hell.

Missy reacts so fast that Bill can barely believe it. Without even a moment's hesitation, or possibly actually having started moving before Clara had even finished, she grabs Clara's arm, and spins Clara around, twisting her arm up behind her back until Clara screams with pain.

There's a moment of pause then, as the reflexive anger in Missy's eyes fades for a moment and she blinks, looking at Clara with something close to confusion.

Then her face twists again and she holds Clara's arm there, while Clara whimpers and tries to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"Touch me like that again and you'll find out why it took me so long to get out of rehab," Missy murmurs, voice hard, and so low in volume that Bill can only just hear her. "I found it so difficult to get along with the other patients, at first, you see."

She releases Clara and shoves her away, not hard, but just to get space between them. There is a visible mark starting to show on her cheek, and right before she turns around and makes a beeline for her room, Bill thinks she might have seen tears in her eyes.

"Fucking psychopath," Clara shouts after her.

"Oh, abso-fucking-lutely," Missy snarls over her shoulder, before slamming the door.

Bill stares at the door for a moment before looking at Clara, feeling so stunned that she doesn't know what to say. She knows she should get up, go to Clara, and more physically check that she's alright, but she can't bring her limbs to move. She's in shock.

"Are you okay?" Bill asks tentatively.

"Fine," Clara mutters, wiping at her eyes with the hand Missy hadn't grabbed. She flexes her other wrist and winces. "God, I can't stand her sometimes. Or most of the time. I dunno."

"I've never seen her like that before," Bill says, and then swallows. "But then, I've never seen anyone hit her before either."

Clara makes a face. "Yeah, I… I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't just wrong of me, it was fucking stupid of me to think she wouldn't retaliate, and be so much worse." Then her face twists and she slams her untouched hand onto the counter. "God, what the fuck is her problem?!"

She catches sight of something through the window, and her face shifts a little.

"Look, I'll catch you later," she says, before hurrying out of the bus.

Bill watches her go, and gets up from her seat about after ten seconds of mulling it all over. As terrifying as it had been to watch, she knows she needs to check on Missy.

Before she can get further than a few steps, though, Theo comes into the tour bus, a phone to his ear, his focus completely on the Rubik's cube he's trying to do with one hand.

"I know, me too, but we'll be coming back for Glastonbury soon, not long now," he is saying into the phone, with his softer voice and the warm look in his eyes that Bill has only ever observed him using when talking to River, and maybe herself once or twice. "Yes, I promise, we'll work something out, even if it's tricky. I miss you too. Yep. Love you too. And for god's sake, stay out of trouble. Stop laughing. No, really, I - oh, nevermind, what's the point? Say hi to Emil and John for me. Talk soon."

He hangs up, and Bill blinks at him. She's never actually heard him say I love you to anyone before. To be fair, she's fairly sure that's just because he's a fairly private person who doesn't like flaunting those aspects of his life. He doesn't actually seem to have noticed she's in the room, which would explain a lot.

"Cute," Bill says, with a little smile, as a way of announcing her presence.

"What?" Theo says, looking up from the Rubik's cube and doing a double take upon seeing her. "Oh, Bill. Hello."

"Did you seriously just try and tell River to stay out of trouble?" Bill asks. "Because, wow, surely after what, fifteen years of marriage or near enough, you'd have learned to stop beating that dead horse with a stick."

He blinks at her, looking confused for a moment before his eyes widen. "Oh, yes, right!" He shrugs, giving a sheepish grin. "It's an eternal losing battle, it's true. I'm surrounded by women absolutely determined to do the opposite of what I think is best, I'm almost at peace with it now, but sometimes I like to try, for old time's sake."

"Fair enough," Bill says, grinning. Her good mood fades when she remembers what had transpired right before his arrival.

"What? What's that face for?" Theo asks, frowning at her.

"Right, um, so," Bill says, biting her lip and shoving her hands in her pockets. "Not sure how to say this, but Clara and Missy kind of. Got physical."

Theo's eyebrow lifts. "That isn't news. They're been shagging randomly for at least a year now."

"No, god, not that kind of physical, like… violence... physical," Bill says slowly.

Theo stares at her, his blue eyes searching her face. His eyebrows furrow and concern and alarm flash across his features.

"What happened? Who started it? Is Clara okay?" he asks urgently.

"Clara hit first, if that's what you mean, she slapped Missy," Bill says, and Theo winces a little. "Basically Clara was pissed about that stupid tweet about the soap if you've seen it-"

"You know I hate Twitter-"

"Well, whatever, it doesn't matter, Missy was being weird and Clara had to deal with some stupid phone calls, and so she came in here and tried to have a go at Missy. And it was kind of funny at first, but then suddenly it wasn't, and they were getting up in each other's space and Clara basically threatened Missy because she's noticed her weird secret phone calls too, and is worried it's gonna be something that comes down on all of us, and then Missy got pretty sort of, I dunno, nasty and kind of… haughty, about it? It was weird and kind of scary in itself. But yeah, so she started saying some really mean shit, and so Clara hit her, and then-"

"Let me guess, Missy twisted her arm up behind her back, quick as anything," Theo says, swallowing.

Bill falters. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I've known her since we were eight," he replies, sighing. "I know her in every possible way. I thought that was obvious."

"Well, okay, yeah, true, but-" Bill doesn't know what she's going to say, and so shuts her mouth and mulls it over for a few moments. "I think you should check on Clara. I'm not sure if Missy injured her wrist or shoulder or not."

"Get Ashildr to do it, I need to check on Missy," he says, and takes a step towards Missy's door before stopping. "No, Ashildr will only get angry and come for Missy, and that's the last thing anyone needs. Get Owen, he's the trained medical professional on our team, after all."

"He's also a tosser," Bill replies, frowning.

"Yeah, well, too bad, he's part of Jack's team, I don't argue," Theo mutters. "Just do it, yeah? She needs to be okay."

"Alright, I'll sort it," Bill says. "You check on Missy. I know it was just a slap, but it was hard, and she seemed pretty… I dunno. She clearly felt strongly enough about it to do that to Clara after, so-"

"Do me a favour and never say the words 'just a slap' ever again, yeah?" Theo says, making Bill realise he has a point about that as he goes knocks on Missy's door and then goes inside.

Bill swallows and goes to find Owen's number in her phone.

 

@missymasters - I like my soap how I like my bassists - cute enough to eat!

@stirmypotsy (replying to @missymasters) -  what even is this tweet

@rainbowrosie (replying to @missymasters) - I'm yelling oh my god what

@spacedracula (replying to @stirmypotsy) - I think this is meant to be an affectionate metaphor of some kind

@yikes_lou (replying to @missymasters) - …. did Missy just admit to either having eaten Bill out or wanting to

@queenbaloo (replying to @yikes_lou) - firstly, yes, secondly, apparently she also eats or wishes to eat soap. I'd call this a mixed bag

@saxonite - (replying to @queenbaloo) - my god guys she's clearly being like, metaphorical/cute. Her and Bill are just friends we know she has a thing with Theo it's so obvious

@songsmithfy - (replying to @saxonite) - it's not that obvious Theo could just as easily have a thing with River

@saxonite (replying to @songsmithfy) - River literally said he's not her type and him and Missy made out onstage but okay lmao

@angelbill (replying to @saxonite)  - look not to be rude or anything but can y'all take this somewhere else we just want to enjoy the gay implications of this tweet ok

@doctahpants (replying to @angelbill) - speaking as a Missodore shipper: what angelbill said. This is Potsy's moment just let them have it ok

@girldressedinblack (replying to @saxonite) - *eating popcorn watching all of this*

@flossbucket (replying to @girldressedinblack) - *plays Why Can't We Be Friends at full volume*

@meme_face (replying to @doctahpants) - look I get it, ships are exciting and all but like… why aren't we talking about the fact that Missy possibly eats soap

@crystal_ss (replying to @meme_face) - THANK YOU

@yikes_lou (replying to @meme_face) -  because we're gay and the implication of her eating something (someone) else is too strong

@crystal_ss (replying to @yikes_lou) - … fair. Don't think it hasn't distracted my bisexual ass considerably bc it has I'm just intrigued by the soap thing

@merganfm (replying to @crystal_ss) -  y'all have none of you ever seen a tide pod meme? they are the Forbidden Fruit @missymasters speaks the truth

@crystal_ss (replying to @merganfm) - omg you read my mind I've been DMing @queenbaloo trying to explain to her Kiwi ass what the fuck a tide pod is

@punkprincess (replying to @crystal_ss) - this is the funniest thing I've ever seen, the tweet itself and the ship war that's come out of this I can't believe

@halflingashley (replying to @punkprincess) - I'm pissing myself laughing rn this is the best thing to happen all week

@starsthemselves (replying to @crystal_ss) - is it bad that Missy eating soap probably wouldn't make Missy any less hot in my eyes

@crystal_ss (replying to @starsthemselves) - nope that's just relatable

@meme-face (replying to @crystal_ss) - I love her BECAUSE she's a fucking weirdo, it's almost the opposite of a turn off. Almost.

@queenbaloo (replying to @starsthemselves) - thirst for Missy? Having conditions? Too OOC can't relate

@yikes_lou (replying to @queenbaloo) - same here

@angelbill (replying to @yikes_lou) - I mean I can't say it didn't give me pause but my level of gay is too unwavering in the end

@whifferdills (replying to @mergenfm) - so I'm a bit late to the party here but Missy/soap and Missy/tide pods is a thing now

@meme-face (replying to @whifferdills) - where have you BEEN? A NEW MEME IS UPON US

@stirmypotsy (replying to @meme_face) - this is beautiful I support Missy/soap. Soapsy

@crystal_ss (replying to @stirmypotsy) - Missy/tide pods is a clear winner. Podsy. Clearly.

@girldressedinblack (replying to @crystal_ss) - *whispering* fight

@angelbill (replying to @girldressedinblack) - oh my god

@spaceacepupper (replying to @angelbill) - what happened here asghdjfkg

@horizongal (replying to @spaceacepupper) - hush Wolfie we're trying to make Soapsy/Podsy memes over here does someone have a free photoshop download link

@halflingashley (replying to @girldressedinblack) - the important question here is whether or not @stirmypotsy and @crystal_ss are gonna fight in a Denny's parking lot

@crystal_ss (replying to @halflingashley) - I will in spirit but I don't actually go outside there are People there and I'm not a fan

@stirmypotsy (replying @crystal_ss) - I mean I would but also I'd rather go back to the whole Potsy part of this tweet but I think the gay has been lost to the meme

@yikes_lou (replying to @stirmypotsy) - NOT TO US IT HASN'T give me a sec I'll make a group chat for those who would rather focus on the gay and want to join me and qb to yell

@amatalefay (replying to @yikes_lou) - yes pls

@stirmypotsy (replying to @yikes_lou) - yes!

@stirmypotsy (replying to @crystal_ss) - seriously though did Missy talk about the tide pods? No! She talked about the soap!

@flossbucket (replying to @stirmypotsy) - ok @girldressedinblack where's your popcorn

Upon Owen's inspection, Clara apparently has a sprained tendon in her shoulder, but both she and Owen insist that she's going to be fine. All the same, Ashildr has become a sort of psuedo-bodyguard for their girlfriend, staying near her to ensure she doesn't exert herself too much physically and also to make sure Missy keeps her distance.

Days pass, though, and although Bill isn't privy to it, Clara and Missy don't seem to be holding grudges. She can't begin to imagine how the reconciliation conversation could have gone, but five days after the incident she finds them sitting at the tour bus table with tea and coffee and cake and making weird jokes about scheduling a time for them to properly just go at each other.

"You guys all good?" Bill asks them as she approaches.

"Fine and dandy," Missy replies, smiling and sipping from her coffee. "Now that Clara's lost her blue shadow, anyway."

"You can't blame Ashildr for being worried," Bill says.

"Of course not. But they can rather kill the mood with all that glaring. They're going to be cross with me for a while, I think."

"It's fine, I'll remind them that I was the one that went after you," Clara says, shrugging. "They'll get over it."

"It's only natural to want to eviscerate whoever hurt someone you care about, I'm not holding any grudges about them being cross, it's fair enough," Missy says, shrugging. "As you say, they'll get over it. Should I buy you apology flowers?"

"Bit overkill," Clara replies, snorting. "Besides, I was just as out of line as you were."

"True."

"You guys are weird," Bill tells him. "Like, I'm thrilled that you guys are alright now, but seriously. Everyone I know is so weird."

"Welcome to the tour bus of sociopaths, darling," Missy says. "You're not allowed to leave."

Bill frowns at her.

"No, seriously, I'm very attached to you, I won't allow it. I'd cry for days if you abandoned me." Missy clutches her chest dramatically and pretends to tear up.

"God, you're such a drama queen," Bill says, rolling her eyes.

Missy cuts her act immediately and glares. "Excuse me, I'm trying to be nice. Do you know how rare that is?"

"This isn't you being nice, this is you being clingy, there's a difference," Clara tells her. "This is why we could never be a couple."

"Because one of us would be dead within a week, yes, obviously," Missy replies, rolling her eyes. "And I'm not clingy. I'm passionately devoted. Or some other word that doesn't make me sound like a simpering blonde hanging off a man who looks like every single cast member of Forbidden Planet."

"You need to let your weird hatred for that movie go," Clara says.

"Nah, I'm with her, the idea that way in the future, the entire crew of a spaceship would be entirely white guys who look almost exactly the same, is just the most lame thing ever, it makes me wish I had a time machine so I could go back and deck whatever completely unimaginative white 1950's American bloke and his friends are responsible for that shit," Bill replies, feeling her energy perk up at the mention of sci-fi. "Seriously. Don't get me started on how they treat the singular woman in it either. I don't care if the storyline is based off Shakespeare, the only redeeming quality of that film is the robot and the weird soundtrack."

"Creating an atonal soundtrack from wrecking your recording equipment and playing with a bunch of wires and burnt out tapes," Missy murmurs. "Fucking inspired."

"Don't you get any ideas," Clara warns.

Missy shrugs. "Don't be ridiculous, I had my fun with that in the nineties. Theo and-" She hesitates before continuing, her eyes now downcast as she fiddled with the handle of her mug but her voice mostly unchanged. "Theo and Harry and I spent a whole week reading up on how they'd done it and tried to recreate it. What a mess we made. To little avail, of course, the technology didn't exist anymore, it couldn't really be replicated, but we gave it a damn good try."

"I'm so weirdly relieved to hear that," Bill says. "Still, that sounds super cool, actually. Is… Saxon a sci-fi nerd too?"

"He mostly liked to watch it to criticise the science, but yes, I suppose you could say he was," Missy replies, voice still a bit quieter than normal. With a little frown, she adds, "Is. Sorry. I've thought about him in the past tense for so long, it's still odd to think he's around again."

"You alright?" Bill asks. "Because… you realise he's probably going to be at Glastonbury, right? There's a good chance we'll… see him."

Missy tenses her jaw. "Yes. It hadn't gone over my head, don't worry."

"You gonna be okay?"

"I don't have to see him, if Harkness is any good at his job," Missy replies curtly. "It's my understanding that Theo asked him to ensure Saxon never comes anywhere near us, as soon as our first album blew up and we realised we were going to be in the same territory again."

"And it was my understanding that no one else is meant to know about that," Jack says, from the doorway.

"Oh yes, no, let's pretend everything's just dandy, what an excellent plan," Missy says sarcastically, half into her mug. "You realise it goes without saying that if you mess this up, Harkness, I'll have your kneecaps."

"Yes ma'am," Jack says, with equal sarcasm. "Relax, my team and I have got this."

"He's dangerous, isn't he?" Bill asks. "Like, actually dangerous. That's why you're doing this. Because you're scared."

Missy's eyes flash. "I'm doing this because if I ever see his face again, right in front of me, it's going to be greeted by my fist. Repeatedly. You know. Just to be polite. Have you considered I don't trust my own restraint, and simply want to avoid being sent to prison for aggravated assault?"

Clara's eyebrows lift almost into her hairline, and she sips at her coffee in what appears to be a way of avoiding having to comment. Jack just looks vaguely impressed.

"Right," Bill says, not quite sure what to say to that. "Well, I guess that makes sense too."

Now that the Clara and Missy tension is mostly gone, it's finally safe for Bill to sit down with Ashildr and ask them something rather important.

"Ash," Bill says slowly.

"That's my name, well done," Ashildr remarks, without looking up from their phone.

"Why are you encouraging our fans to fight in Denny's carparks about Missy and her weird relationship with soap and possibly tide pods?" Bill asks. Ashildr just lifts a singular, perfectly sculped eyebrow. "I'm not an idiot, 'halflingashley' is obviously you, since you said you play a halfling barbarian with a bunch of fans who think you're a girl called Ashley."

"They don't know it's me, it's fine," Ashildr says with a shrug, grinning. "My god did you read that thread? It's made my entire month. There's so many memes about it already. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me and it didn't even have anything to do with me, directly. Except the thing about the Denny's parking lot."

"You're English, dude, call it a carpark before I hit you," Bill groans.

"I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you," Clara remarks from the doorway of Ashildr's hippie van.

"Well yeah, but then #soapsy happened and you were just never going to measure up," Ashildr replies, and Clara pretends to be offended, laughing and moving to tackle Ashildr slightly against the pantry door, tickling their sides mercilessly. "Oh my god, no-"

"Is this foreplay? Do I need to leave?" Bill asks, frowning at them even though it's really cute, because she's too damn paranoid with the company she keeps.

Clara and Ashildr stop, both giggling furiously, Ashildr having looped an arm around Clara's waist to hold her tight against them. (Sometimes Bill thinks half the reason Clara dates Ashildr is that Ashildr is the only person she could date that is shorter than her.)

"No, god," Ashildr says, shuddering. "That would be weird."

"Thank god."

"Can I please show you guys the Soapsy memes now? I've got a whole folder of my favourites saved."

"... fine."

"Have you seen that Buzzfeed article about you guys that just came out? They didn't even mention the Soapsy or Tide Pod thing, I'm so mad, what a coward's move."

"What Buzzfeed article?"

Chapter Text

Almost a month after finishing the filming of the music video for 'Hell In High Heels', the band and their team head back to England for a break in their tour. Glastonbury starts in four days and there's a lot to get through in the meantime.

"Sorry, I must have heard you wrong, I could have sworn you just said we're doing a TV interview with Kovarian," Nardole says to Clara after she mentions it during the plane trip back.

"No, you heard me right."

Theo sighs. "We have to. We can't avoid her. She's too big of a player in her field. Besides, it's a live interview, so she won't be able to twist our words at all."

"But doesn't she hate you? She made some fairly unsubtle digs at us in that Saxon interview," Bill says.

"It'll be fine," Theo insists. "We can handle Kovarian."

"Why does she hate you, anyway?"

"Oh, he broke up her marriage," Missy says, without looking up from her copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Bill has a bar of chocolate halfway to her mouth. It stops. "Um. You what?"

"She did that herself," Theo says defensively, shifting in his chair uncomfortably. A moment later, he adds, "besides, it wasn't just me, it was River as well. And you hardly made it better."

"I had nothing to do with it," Missy says, sounding offended.

"You had sex with her wife!"

"What?!"

"Ex-wife, you'd already broken them up by that point," Missy corrects, before chuckling a little bit, finally dissuaded from her book. "She was… something else. She liked giving orders while handcuffed. It was delightful."

"I never needed to know what Tasha Lem likes in the bedroom, thank you," Theo says, shaking his head.

"Hang on, hang on, Kovarian was married to Tasha Lem?" Bill asks, amazed. "As in, gorgeous, glamorous, weird actress Tasha Lem who isn't really on talk shows anymore because she talks about her religion too much?"

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Nardole asks. "They weren't legally married, because they couldn't be, at the time, but they'd had a little ceremony and had a civil union and all that. It was fairly public knowledge, they didn't hide it. It was in a load of the magazines."

Bill wonders if she somehow missed every single magazine that covered this. Clara, meanwhile, has left the conversation to go and sit near Ashildr with a Jane Austen book. Ashildr is probably playing Dungeons and Dragons again. Or looking through the latest Soapsy memes/trolling the Horizoner fanbase. Who could know, really?

"Anyway, we'll worry about Kovarian later, first we have something much more important," Theo says, rubbing his hands together and grinning widely. "We've got an engagement party to crash."

Bill's chocolate bar, at this rate, is never going to reach her mouth before either it or she have disintegrated from old age.

"Again. Um. What?"

"River's girlfriends just got engaged," Missy says, back to her book now.

"Helen and Liv, yes," Theo says with a nod. "The party will be starting a few hours after we land, and River thinks we're flying in tomorrow. We're surprising her. It was Helen's idea."

"Only Helen fucking Sinclair would spend time ensuring that her other girlfriend got a special surprise of her own at her engagement party," Missy grumbles.

"You barely know Helen," Bill says, frowning at her.

"We've been texting," Missy says absently.

"About what?"

"Songwriting, ancient languages, 60's music, you name it," Missy says. "Does it matter? Or does it surprise you that I do actually get on with people outside of this group, sometimes?"

"Well-"

"For your information, you're absolutely right, I do not. She's a good conversationalist but she's too nice, she's so boring the moment you leave the field of academics-"

"Alright, that's enough," Theo cuts in. "I won't have you bad-mouthing her."

"You know that she's not your girlfriend, right? Just your wife's one? You don't have to get protective over her, it's silly."

"Not to me, it isn't, she's my friend."

"So am I."

"You're a pain in my backside, is what you are."

"Only when you ask nicely," Missy murmurs as she turns the page.

Bill, having finally taken the chance to eat some of her chocolate bar, half chokes on it and gets up to go and sit by Ashildr instead, hoping there might be more sanity over there.

"What are you up to, anyway?"

"Reading erotic Missy/tide pods fanfic written by the same two people who write most of the Theodole stuff," Ashildr replies without missing a beat.

Bill takes a moment to be immensely thankful she'd already managed to swallow the first mouthful of chocolate. "Um. You what?"

"You heard me. They always deliver the best stuff. It's really well written, actually."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"You know I'm not. I'd just show it to you to prove it, but you don't want to read it, trust me, you'll just be scarred for life. I'm not that much of an arse."

Bill tries to imagine what such a story could possibly entail, and feels any appetite she'd had for her admittedly already doomed chocolate bar disappear entirely. She moves towards the bin and spits it out, and goes back to her seat to put her headphones in and bemoans the fact that she'll never know peace and contentment again, with how mental her friends and fanbase are.

The engagement party is at River's mansion, where Helen and Liv also live, since Helen wants to be around River and Liv wants to be around Helen. They all apparently have their own bedrooms, but Bill suspects that Helen doesn't spend much time in her own, between her two girlfriends.

Bill is also 79% sure that River has, uh, joined in with Helen and Liv at least once. Probably a lot more than once. Unfortunately, Bill is too awkward to find a way to ask any of them about that in polite conversation, so it's just a theory for the moment.

The six of them get dressed and made up just before they land, and to Bill's surprise, there's someone there to meet their private plane.

Bill recognises him instantly as one of her favourite musicians, like, ever - Johan Smith, frontman of the band Neverland. A pretty boy sort, with soft long hair around his collar, and bright eyes, he is the only person other than Nardole who seems to be able to carry off a waistcoat in the 21st century and not make it look pretentious.

"What are you doing here?" Theo asks, sounding affronted.

Johan just laughs. "It's good to see you too, cousin."

The two of them hold their gaze for a few moments, Theo's face unreadable, until Theo breaks into a grin and is instantly wrapped in a joyous hug by the younger man.

"Wait, what? Johan Smith is your cousin?" Bill asks.

"Obviously," Missy remarks, with a roll of her eyes. This draws Johan's attention to her, and his face lights up.

"Missy!"

He practically bounds the few metres between them and laughs with delight before taking her face in his hands and kissing her. It only lasts a few moments before he pulls away, still beaming, but it sure is… enthusiastic.

"I'm sure you probably look wonderful," he tells her. "It's so good to see you!"

Missy does not seem surprised by any of this. She smiles at him fondly and pats his cheek. "And you, dear. How are you?"

"Wonderful, wonderful, everything's splendid, we do after all have an engagement to celebrate," he replies, bouncing on his heels. "That's why I'm here." He grins at them and gestures to his car. "I'm your designated driver."

"Oh good, you're here," Clara says, as she and Ashildr finally disembark from the plane. "We'll get a lift with Jack. I think one of his boyfriends is dragging him out for drinks somewhere not too far from River's place."

"Excellent, well, then let's be going, Helen is so eager to see you all again, and I can't wait to see the look on River's face," Johan says. "I know she's been missing you terribly, Theo. Even if she'd never say so in so many words."

"Yes, yes, they're very nauseatingly in love, we know," Missy says impatiently. "Shall we go, then? The only thing worse than seeing River again might just be standing around on this airstrip."

Johan nods his head for a moment, before his gaze falls on Bill and Nardole. "Wait, no, I haven't properly met your friend yet!" He strides up to Bill and clasps her hand. "You must be the wonderful Bill Potts nobody can stop talking about. It's an honour."

"Uh, thanks," Bill says, surprised. "Same here. I really love your music. I went to one of your concerts like, four years ago. Best concert I've ever been to."

"Really?" Johan's face lights up. He seems genuinely taken aback by the compliment. "I'm so glad you enjoyed it!"

"Everyone loves your concerts, they're amazing, that's literally what you're famous for," Bill says. Given that he's famous for forgetting his own lyrics and then making up new ones, every Neverland concert is different to the last, and that's become the band's most defining feature.

"Is it?" Johan asks, rather absently. "I thought I was famous for my creative workaround of my failing cognitive retrieval paths."

"Just say thank you, you twat, so we can go," Theo says, rolling his eyes. "I want to see my wife."

"Yes, yes, of course-" Johan says, only for his eyes to move to the last member of their group and then light up. "Nardole! How could I not see you there, I'm so sorry!"

To Bill's amazement, Johan kisses Nardole with the same, excited greeting he had Missy.

Nardole happily kisses him back, and looks properly chuffed afterwards as he smooths out his waistcoat. "Good to see you too, Johan. Always a pleasure."

Bill doesn't know whether this is simply an idiosyncrasy of Johan's, or if somehow Missy and Nardole share a boyfriend who is also Theo's cousin and Bill was never told about it.

Probably the former. God, she hopes it's the former.

Bill has been to River's mansion a few times before, but this time they come through a back entrance, into the biggest library that Bill has ever seen in a private residence. Waiting inside is Helen, who beams upon seeing them.

"You're here!" she exclaims. "Oh, and you all look wonderful."

"Hey, this was your idea, remember? Fairly sure you're the wonderful one here, Helen," Theo says as he approaches her. He hovers in front of her for a moment, a sudden uncertainty in him that she seems to pick up on and then share. A moment later, though, they're hugging, and smiling widely. Bill suspects maybe this is the first time they ever have had a proper, affectionate hug.

"Thank you," Helen says quietly, shutting her eyes for a moment and seeming to just let herself bask in the hug for a moment. Bill knows the feeling all too well. There's something so soothing - no, healing - about Theo's hugs.

"No, thank you," he replies, before they break apart.

Helen notices that everyone is watching them, and flushes a little before pushing a strand of hair out of her face, looking embarrassed. Bill gets the idea she isn't used to being the centre of attention - which makes sense, given her girlfriend and wider social circle.

"Well, everyone else is in the courtyard, if you want to follow me."

Part of Bill wants to catch up to Helen as she moves off, an insistent little platonic crush in the back of her heart going talk to her be her friend be her friend without ever needing to stop for breath because it's not a voice that requires oxygen.

"Cut it out," she mutters, getting a slightly weird look from Nardole, who apparently overheard her.

Helen and Theo seem to be intent on walking together, though, so Bill will leave them to it. This moment is about them surprising River, so Bill is hardly going to interfere with that.

The courtyard is strung with fairy lights that paint a beautiful, ethereal picture, with comfortable outdoor seats around a couple of small tables laid with drinks and food. There's plenty of room in the middle for dancing, and Bill thinks she recognises the song playing as one of their own, one from their first album called 'Friends Only'.

Bill spies River facing away from them, her hair making her stand out instantly. There's not many others present, the party itself being rather a more intimate affair.

It's difficult not to fangirl a little when she spies the other three members of Neverland. Charley Pollard and Chris Mercer are talking between themselves, and Lucie Miller some way off talking to a young woman and an older man that Bill doesn't recognise.

There are also four others that Bill recognises, the members of River's backing band and her chief stylist, which is who she's talking to, with Liv at her side.

River hasn't noticed them come in.

"You know, I don't know what this music is, but it's rubbish," Theo says loudly, and everyone in the room goes quiet and turns to look at them.

River stares at him, eyes widening. A moment later, she crosses to him with a few powerful strides and pulls him down into a thorough kiss. His arms wind around her waist and hold her to him as he kisses her back.

"Surprise," he murmurs against her mouth.

"You sentimental idiot," she says when they part, her eyes shining as she looks from him to Helen. "Idiots. This has Helen Sinclair written all over it."

"Surprise," Helen repeats, with a little smile, and then River's out of Theo's hands and kissing Helen, just as thoroughly.

"Would it kill you to just let things be about you, for once?" River asks her, laughing with that soft, giddy fondness that only ever comes out when she's with Theo or Helen, and that youthful joy in her that seems to be bespoke to Helen alone.

Helen laughs as well, shrugging helplessly. "Well, no, of course not, but you've been so wonderful about all of this, this whole party, and letting us live with you, and let's not forget that time that Liv and I got stuck out in the middle of nowhere with a broken down car and you left that huge fancy recording company party just to come and pick us up-"

River kisses her again. "You're getting worked up, darling. Not that it isn't adorable, but it makes me want to do very inappropriate things to you, and we're currently here to celebrate your engagement with all of our friends."

"Right," Helen breathes, cheeks red, "yes." She looks at Liv, and something in her expression turns into one of enamourment as they meet eyes and Liv gives her an amused little smile. "Yes. We are."

"Good to see you haven't forgotten about me," Liv says wryly.

Helen swallows, and Bill can practically see the sheer power of her feelings just in the slightly breathless way she speaks and shakes her head. "Never."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Missy says from behind Bill.

"Oh for god's sake, can't you keep your allergy to wholesome moments to yourself for five seconds?" River asks her with great annoyance.

"Bite me, Song," Missy retorts, making her way towards the older man near Lucie that Bill had spotted earlier. "Max, you're a semi-tolerable person, you'll have whiskey or port or something, won't you? I need alcohol to deal with this much sentiment in one room."

Max looks to be about sixty, his white hair slicked back, dressed in a suit too warm for the mid June climate. He has dark, shrewd eyes that lock onto Missy in an instant.

"Charming as ever, I see, Melissa," he remarks, gripping his lapels and regarding her with a strange mix of amusement and scrutiny as she approaches her. "And just as opposed to attention as ever."

"Don't you start," Missy grouches. "Alcohol. Now."

"I believe I'll pretend there was a please sometime in that sentence," he says airily, before pulling a flask from his jacket and handing it to her. "I want this returned to me later, understood?"

"Of course," she says, "much obliged." With that, she takes a swig and goes to find a seat somewhere in the corner.

Max, meanwhile, moves his gaze to Theo, who is staring at him with an odd sort of resignation.

"You had to invite him, didn't you?" Theo asks his wife.

"Oh yes, how dare I enjoy my brother in law's company," River replies, rolling her eyes.

"Still breathing then, Max?" Theo asks, crossing over to him.

"Still as lacking in manners as ever, I see, Theodore," Max retorts, making Bill lift her eyebrow and go to follow. She'd somehow forgotten that Theo has two older brothers - though to be fair, she is also fairly sure she'd been stoned out of her mind the one time Theo had directly mentioned them. She gets the idea they all struggle to get along. "But then I already knew that, since Mother won't stop complaining about how you haven't gone to visit them in months."

"It's almost like I've been in another country or something," Theo says, eyebrows almost in his hairline.

"You know geography is meaningless to her-"

"That isn't the point-"

"Grandfather, this is a party, surely we can save the family squabbles for later," the young woman beside Max says gently, putting a hand on his arm. (She's a slender, tiny thing. For all Bill's jokes about Ashildr being an elven princess, this woman actually looks like one with her slight frame, angular face, and dark hair cropped closely to her head.)

"Yes, yes, you're right, of course," Max agrees, nodding, and looks at the greater party. "Go on, everyone, get back to whatever it was you were doing. Ignore an old man and his family squabbles."

Theo is now looking at the young woman with a very warm expression. "Hello, Susan," he says, with a small smile. "It's been too long."

She breaks into a large grin and runs into his arms for a very tight hug.

"It's so good to see you, Uncle Theo!" Susan squeals, holding onto him for dear life.

"That's Great Uncle Theo," Max sniffs.

"Aw, thanks, Max," Theo says with a shit-eating grin, only for Max to scowl at him and stride forward several paces for the sole purpose of whacking him with a handkerchief.

"You know perfectly well that isn't what I meant," he complains.

Theo's grin remains. "Yes, but you always rise to the bait so well."

Max grumbles and goes to sit down next to Missy, while Susan just giggles and is finally put back on the ground by Theo.

"He's so silly sometimes," she says, "besides, Great Uncle is such an unnecessary mouthful, don't you think?"

"It also makes me sound about a hundred and fifty years old, so yeah, no thanks," Theo agrees, snorting. "It occurs to me, I don't think you've ever met my friend Bill."

"Oh, no, I haven't!" Susan says, eyes wide as she looks at Bill and holds back another squeal before clasping Bill's hand. "It's so good to finally meet you, I've heard so much, and read all the interviews-"

"Right, well, it's good to meet you too," Bill says, a bit taken aback. In social situations like this, it's still weird to realise people know who she is. "Susan, was it?"

"Yes, this is Susan Foreman, my great niece," Theo says. "Don't ask me why Max has a different last name to us, because the story is much longer than it is interesting."

"Noted," Bill replies.

"Don't mind me, I'm just over here, being ignored, like chopped liver," a voice with a strong Northern accent remarks from behind Susan, and they turn to see Lucie Miller, bassist for Neverland, standing at the table, a spring roll in her mouth as she complains. She's around Bill's age, maybe a bit younger, with blonde hair up in a ponytail and wearing a short, sparkly dark pink dress.

"Lucie Miller!" Theo says, grinning. "My second favourite bassist in the world, in the flesh."

"But first favourite with buggered legs, right?" Lucie jokes, and for the first time Bill notices the braces on both of her legs, ending just below the hem of her dress. Bill isn't sure why it took her so long to notice them, since being a fan of Neverland, she already knew about Lucie being disabled.

"Oh, of course," Theo replies, and he moves to hug her. She steps forward too, but her movement is slow and much more rigid, so he closes more of the gap.

"Do you know literally everybody?" Bill asks him.

"More or less," River remarks from behind her. "Do you mind if I steal her, Susan? My lot desperately want to lavish her with affection."

"Oh, of course!" Susan says, blinking.

"Um," Bill says, as she's shepherded towards River's band. She's met them all once or twice before - Anita and the two Daves, Proper Dave and Other Dave. There's also Evangelista, the chief stylist.

Bill's heart skips a beat. Anita and Evangelista are both incredibly pretty, two rather different types of pretty, and it's just… a lot. As River walks her over, Bill has vivid flashbacks to the first time she met Anita, when the other woman had flirted with her rather a lot and Bill had blushed horribly the whole time. Meanwhile, the first time Bill had seen Evangelista smile, Bill had tripped over a box of hair spray and nearly ended up on the floor.

Her cheeks feel stupidly warm again. Why do her friends have to know so many other attractive people? This is going to be a long night.

"Hey, Bill," Anita says, her American accent sticking out in a sea of Brits, lifting her can of beer as an extra gesture of greeting. "Hair looking amazing as always. I'm so jealous."

"Uh, thanks," Bill replies, smiling at her. She recalls Anita telling her that she gets so frustrated with managing her hair that she prefers to cut it incredibly close to her head, which is fair enough. The look suits her, anyway.

"I can't stop listening to your song," Evangelista says to Bill earnestly. "Will you guys be doing a proper studio recording of it at some point? I need it in my life."

"Oh, uh, I dunno," Bill says, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "It's… complicated."

"Did things not work out with your girl?" Anita asks, looking disappointed.

Bill swallows. "Uh, you could say that, I guess. I'd rather not get into it, if that's okay."

"Oh, yeah, totally," Evangelista says, looking so genuinely sympathetic that it almost hurts Bill. She reaches out and rubs Bill's arm. "Well, it's alright, you're so wonderful, the right girl will be out there for you. You could always ask Anita out, anyway! She'd be really keen."

"Lista," Anita says, sounding mortified, and to Bill's amazement, Anita is actually blushing a bit. "Sorry, Bill, ignore her, please."

"You got it," Bill says without hesitation. "I'm not… looking for anything like that right now, anyway. Still hung up on… you know."

"With a song like that?" Anita asks, eyebrows up. "Yeah, I bet."

"It is one hell of a song, though," Other Dave tells Bill, and Proper Dave chimes in his agreement, as does River, who rubs little circles into Bill's back where her hand never left it after guiding Bill over to the group.

Bill has to use about half of her total concentration to not get completely gay distracted by River's touch, but she manages it after so much practice with Missy, and is able to chat to them all, relax a bit, and enjoy herself.

And if she laughs a bit too much at Anita and Evangelista's jokes compared to those of the Daves, then oh well, it's not like everyone doesn't know she's the most hopeless raging lesbian anyway.

Clara and Ashildr have arrived by the time she moves off to speak to others, and Bill finds them talking to Johan, Charley and Chris.

Charley is a twenty three year old in a vintage suit with blonde curls cropped around her chin and the jolliest disposition known to a living person. (And she's about as much a woman as Theo is a man, if Bill recalls correctly - which is to say, not that much at all.) Chris is probably closer to thirty, and a quiet, almost sullen type. He has a roughly shaved head, and the entire left side of his face affected by a skin condition of some kind that makes it appear almost like scales, and he's known for changing coloured contacts each day depending on his mood. Today, they are a strange bright yellow.

"Hello, we haven't actually met, which seems awfully rude of the universe, if you ask me," Charley says once she notices that Bill has come over to join them, and she stretches out her hand. "Charley Pollard. Johan was telling me that you like our music! Well, I think yours is terrific."

"Oh, thanks," Bill says, blinking. She'd somehow forgotten how posh Charley is, or at least sounds.

"I liked your song," Chris says to Bill.

"Yeah?" Bill asks.

"It was very good, why wouldn't I?"

"Uh-"

"She's too modest, she doesn't know what to say to that," Ashildr remarks. "Her song is a literal gay masterpiece, but does she realise it? No."

"Okay, now you're just exaggerating for dramatic effect, what have I told you about not being able to pull that off, Ash?" Bill groans.

"Huh, you weren't kidding," Chris says to Ashildr, lifting a very thin eyebrow at Bill.

"Well, they're all right, I think it's brilliant, and frightfully romantic," Charley assures Bill, putting a hand on her arm.

"Thanks," Bill mumbles. She's torn between feeling warm and flattered and accomplished by all the praise, and wanting to curl up in a ball and scream but how can it be when it ruined everything and scared the Star Girl away, how can it be any good let alone brilliant when it failed, when it ruined everything -

"Hey," Clara says quietly, putting a hand on Bill's arm and breaking her out of her thoughts. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Bill says, sipping at the champagne she'd grabbed on the way over. "Fine."

Clara sighs. "Bill-"

"I said I'm fine, Clara, seriously. Leave it, yeah?"

Bill goes to sit by Missy, who is on her own now, Max having gone back to where Susan and Theo are standing with Lucie, Liv, and some other woman who looks to be a late arrival.

"Hey," Bill says to Missy as she sits down. "Can I have some of that?"

"Knock yourself out," Missy replies, handing Max's flask over. "Let me guess, they can't stop talking about your song and how good it is. And you feel like shit because it did the opposite of what it was supposed to."

Bill has barely had one mouthful of the whiskey when she stops so that she can stare at Missy with disbelief. "Are you an actual mind reader?"

"No, but I'm not bad when it comes to reading lips, or you," Missy says wryly. "Anyway, welcome to the corner of people who aren't in the mood for the party but don't want to ruin it. Stay as long as you like."

"Why are you in a shit mood, then?"

"Does there have to be a reason?" Missy asks, arching an eyebrow.

Bill snorts. "Suppose not. Especially not for you."

"Exactly."

They sit there in silence for a while, and Bill lets her head tilt back and her eyes shut as she listens to the music playing over the speakers in each corner of the courtyard. The playlist that seems to mostly consist of River, Event Horizon, and Johan's band, Neverland, which is kind of hilarious but so very River, since Bill is going to hazard a guess that she's the one behind it. She does hear some Bad Wolves and Beetles and Luke Smith and the Bannermen in there too, though, and one by that weird band The Nimons who never appear without weirdly shitty bull masks over their heads and never seem to have a consistent number of band members. (How many Nimons would turn up to a Nimons gig? No one ever knows. How many actual members are there? No one knows that either.)

Distant but distinctive grumbling from Theo has Bill opening her eyes to see him dancing with Clara and complaining when she laughs at his somewhat awkward movements. Bill has to smile at that. They're all so caught up in shit so much of the time that sometimes Bill forgets just how close Theo and Clara actually are. Still smiling, Bill shuts her eyes again for a bit.

A few songs later, a slow one comes on, by a band Bill doesn't actually recognise.

"What?" Missy's voice asks, and Bill opens her eyes to see Theo standing in front of Missy with an outstretched hand. "What is this? Your wife is over there."

"Yes, and? She's taking pictures of the newly betrotheds. Indulge me," Theo says.

Missy's eyebrow lifts. "Seriously?" Her voice is rather soft, either rather touched on her own way or just purely disbelieving and disdainful. It's weirdly impossible to tell which.

"Seriously, come on, we haven't in ages," he says.

"Okay, fine." She shrugs and takes his hand, getting up.

Helen and Liv, sure enough, are happily wrapped up in each other while a softly smiling River has a large camera and appears to be taking her job of photographer rather seriously. Johan and Charley are perfect partners, moving with grace and not missing a step, more mobile than all the others. Other Dave, meanwhile, has gotten Lucie to stand on his feet so that he can move them both around with more ease, and she's blushing a bit. Nardole and Chris seem to be having some kind of intent discussion as they dance, only seeming to be paying half attention to their feet, which is probably why they keep stepping on each other. Clara and Ashildr are slow to synchronise, but they're getting there.

Bill isn't sure what she expects of Theo and Missy, but Theo's hand comes to rest on her lower back, his other hand clasping hers down at their sides, and her other arm curls around him.

"Don't spin me," she says to him, quietly enough that Bill only just catches it and only because they hadn't moved very far away.

"I won't," he replies, and she rests her head on his chest as they continue to move, swaying more than dancing, but with perfectly coordinated footwork all the same.

Bill's previous thoughts about them being some kind of strange, discordant soulmates never feel far from the mark when she sees them in moments like this. It's hard to equate it with the times she's seen them shouting bloody murder at each other.

She can't take her eyes off them, not even to look at the various gorgeous women in the room. There's something so dynamic about them, so entrancing. And god, after everything that's been happening lately, is it good to see them looking like they're actually at peace, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Finally, the song ends, and they pull apart, and Theo clasps Missy's hands in his so that he can press a kiss to her fingertips. She stares at him with glassy eyes, only then respond by grabbing his collar and pulling him into a proper kiss, strange and desperate and one he responds to in kind.

"Well, alright then," Johan remarks when they haven't separated after about twenty seconds and most people present have stopped to stare at them. River is rolling her eyes, but good-naturedly.

Missy, without breaking the kiss, lifts her arm in Johan's direction and flips him off.

"So that Watch Over Her Body song from your first album-" Bill hears Charley say to Nardole.

"Yep," Nardole replies, shaking his head but unable to hide the reluctant fondness in his eyes.

"Right then."

Finally they do break apart, and Missy does a dramatic bow and curtsey to her audience, while Theo sheepishly makes a beeline for his wife and requests the next dance. Johan asks Helen to dance, while Anita and Evangelista take up together, and Nardole ends up with Proper Dave. Clara manages to pull Max into a dance, while Ashildr drinks champagne off to the side with Lucie, Liv, after Other Dave asks Susan.

Missy approaches Bill. "Come on, then."

"Oh, um, alright," Bill says, letting herself be pulled up and into what seems to be another slow number. It's nice to be close to Missy again, but she finds herself watching Theo and River over Missy's shoulder.

Theo and River seem to be flirting outrageously as they dance, like they always do. Bill will never not be amazed at how they are so clearly a couple who have been married for a while and yet still able to flirt like newlyweds or people who have only known each other for a few months. Theo's footwork isn't as good when he's with River, but she only seems to find his missteps endearing, laughing at each one.

"Earth to Potts," Missy says. "I know they're very cute or whatever it is you normal, empathetic people call it, but you know I don't appreciate not being given attention."

"Sorry," Bill apologises. "I just know they missed each other a lot."

"Yeah, well, they're not the only ones missing people over huge distances, so," Missy mutters, not even quite seeming to realise she's saying it.

"You mean like you and whoever it is you keep calling?" Bill asks.

Missy sniffs. "I told you, it's my sobriety sponsor."

"We both know that isn't true. Clara isn't right, is she? You're not going to do anything that would-"

"Clara's never right about anything," Missy snaps, "and you know what, yes, maybe you're right, maybe there really is a place I ought to be that isn't here."

She moves away from Bill and pulls out her phone as she walks off and out of the courtyard. Bill hurries after her.

"Hey, I know it's late, but I just realised I'd rather be… not here, not when I'm so close to you, finally," Missy is saying into the phone. "Would it be a pain if I just… headed your way? Okay. Good. I'll see you soon."

"Where are you going?" Bill asks after she hangs up. She's still following her, and Missy seems to know her way through the house, winding her way down some stairs into they come out into a huge garage filled with no less than five different cars. Two are fairly normal looking cars, likely Helen and Liv's, while the third is rather nice but still something you'd see around often enough, and two are outrageous sports cars.

Missy makes a beeline for the shabbiest one.

"Hey, woah, what the hell are you doing?" Bill asks as she throws open the door and starts digging around underneath the dashboard.

"Stealing a car. Chenka's, I think. I thought it was rather obvious."

"Um, okay, I'm not letting you steal a car, that's insane," Bill says, alarmed, hurrying to where the car is. "Are you - are you hotwiring Liv's car?"

"I'd much prefer to steal River's, but they're too ostentatious, so yes, I am," Missy replies, and the ignition flares to life. Her head pops back up a moment later, a smirk of triumph on her lips.

"Missy, you've been drinking-"

"Oh for - do I look drunk to you? Do you have any idea how high my tolerance is?" Missy scoffs, and Bill has to admit that she doesn't actually seem remotely intoxicated. Her eyes are as sharp as anything still, her movement graceful and determined. "Here." She tosses Bill the flask she'd borrowed from Max, and sure enough, it's still half full. "See? I was only sipping at it, I didn't want to ruin anything for anyone. Now run along and give that to Max, there's a good girl." 

Missy gets into the driver's seat, and Bill has a spark of inspiration and runs around the front of the car so that she can slide into the passenger seat.

"What the hell are you doing, get out," Missy says, blinking at her.

"Nope," Bill says. "Look, I'll believe you about the alcohol thing. You're totally nuts but you're not drunk, I'll give you that. But that doesn't mean I'm letting you leave on some madcap venture in the middle of the night. You either have to stay, or take me with you. Which I'm guessing you don't want to do."

Missy stares at her with great exasperation, looking to be on the verge of rolling her eyes. "I don't have time for this. Any minute now, Thete is going to realise I'm gone and-"

Bill crosses her arms. "Better get out quick one way or another, then."

"You have to let me go," Missy says. "And you can't come with me."

"You're going to have to make a pretty convincing argument as to why that is if you seriously expect me to let you," Bill tells her. "Who are you going to see?"

"My brother," Missy says, too quickly.

"Nope."

"It's true!"

"Missy, I'm not an idiot, don't you dare treat me like one," Bill snaps, feeling a tiny stab of hurt again. She takes a deep breath. "Missy, seriously, I'm your friend. You're one of my best friends in the world. You can tell me."

"No, I can't," Missy says softly. "I just… I can't. I wish I could, I really, truly do. God, I wish I could tell you. But I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I promised."

"Promised who?"

Missy's hands grip the steering wheel, knuckles white, and she shuts her eyes. It's possible tears might be gathering in them, but there isn't quite enough light for Bill to be sure. "Bill, please. Get out of the car."

Bill has never felt more torn in her life. Part of her is screaming that this is a red flag, that this must be dangerous, that she absolutely shouldn't let her go. The other part wants to believe her, to listen to her. She seems to need this desperately. But then -

"Missy, is this to do with drugs?" Bill asks, voice low.

Missy whips her head around to stare at her, bewildered. "What? No, god, no." She cups Bill's cheek, her gaze holding Bill's. "Bill, darling, I'm clean, I have been for over thirteen years. I promise you."

"Okay," Bill says slowly, feeling like she's still about to make a huge mistake. "Then is where you're going dangerous in any other way?"

Missy swallows. "Only if you come with me." Bill opens her mouth but Missy's finger stops it. "That's possibly a touch overdramatic, but it's true, I think. Don't ask me to explain, because I can't."

"You promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay," Bill says, probably against her better judgement, but unable to deny those earnest, beautiful eyes so filled with a need she can't understand. "Okay. I'm trusting you. And if I find out I was wrong, then-" She takes a deep breath. "Well, I don't know, but we aren't going to be okay. You're really freaking me out right now."

"I know, I'm sorry, I wish I could explain," Missy replies, and she leans in to kiss the corner of Bill's mouth softly. "Thank you, dearest. It means more than you could know."

"What do I tell the others?" Bill asks as she gets out of the car.

"The truth," Missy says as she hits the garage door remote on the door. "That I left. What else would you tell them?"

"I dunno, it's you, how am I meant to know?"

"Fair point. I'll see you tomorrow sometime. Or the day after, since that's when we have that damn Kovarian interview. That'll be fun in the same way that pulling teeth is. Though I don't know, I could find a way to mention her wife, just to make her really spew - anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. That's later."

She starts to pull out once Bill shuts the passenger door.

"Be safe, yeah?" Bill calls after her.

Missy laughs. "I'll do my best, Pottsie. You have a good night."

With that, the grey car drives off into the night, leaving Bill staring after it and wondering if she'd just made a terrible mistake.

Chapter Text

Bill is still staring out into the dark street when Theo scares the living daylights out of her by putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Jesus Christ, don't ever sneak up on me like that again!" Bill yelps, whacking him lightly on the arm.

He winces. "Sorry." He looks between her and the open garage door, and the empty car space. His face is impossible to read, apart from a very vague curiosity in his brow. "What happened?"

"Missy… left," Bill says. "I tried to stop her, I promise, but she just wouldn't listen and she wouldn't tell me where she was going-"

He puts his hands on her shoulders. "It's okay."

Bill stares at him for several seconds. He doesn't look surprised to hear this news - exasperated, perhaps, but not surprised.

"Did you hear what I just said? I just told you that your absolutely off-her-nut girlfriend just drove off into the night to see god knows who! What part of that is okay?" She starts pacing. "I bet it's whoever it is she keeps calling-"

"Bill, seriously, she'll be fine-"

"But how can you say that? How can you be so-" Bill stops her pacing short, her head whipping to look at him. "Do you know? Do you know who she's gone to?"

Theo puts his hands in his pockets, regarding her carefully. He seems to be choosing his next words with great thought.

"I have a couple of theories," he says. "If she's where I think she is, then she's absolutely fine. No need to worry."

"And if she isn't?" Bill demands.

"Well, I've considered that."

"And?"

"And it would be very troubling, so best not to dwell on it," he replies, so flippantly and with such a stupid grin that Bill wants to smack him. When he sees how unamused she is, he sobers a little. "Bill, I promise. She's fine. Almost definitely."

"And that almost is good enough for you?"

"I'm not her keeper," Theo says more seriously, moving to leave the garage, forcing her to follow. He suddenly seems tired. "She's her own person, her own reckless and occasionally idiotic free spirit. I'm never going to try and change that about her. Not after everything she's been through."

"But if she's in trouble-"

"She isn't-"

"You just said you aren't completely sure-"

"I'm sure enough!"

Bill doesn't have time to react before Theo winces immediately, even though he'd only partially raised his voice.

"Sorry."

"It's fine, Clara's done way more damage to my eardrums," Bill jokes. His lips twitch, and she smiles at him for a moment, before sighing. "Look, okay, I'll stop pressing it. I get that you don't want to tell me, or whatever. I can't pretend it doesn't sting a bit, but I'm a big girl, I can handle it."

"It's not that," he says, voice and eyes soft. He stops walking where they're almost back at the courtyard, and puts his hand on her shoulder again. "Bill, I do want to tell you. I'm not sure I've ever wanted to tell someone something more in my life. But I can't. So please believe that I mean it when I say that."

Bill swallows, taken aback by the unexpected turn in the conversation. "Oh. Um, well, that… makes it suck a little less, I guess."

"I'll go and find her in the morning, one way or another," Theo promises. "We have bigger problems right now."

Bill doesn't understand what he means by that last bit until they reenter the courtyard and he pulls River off to the side.

"Where did you lot disappear off to?" River asks, perplexed. "And where's Missy? Please tell me you didn't let the queen of chaos loose in my house without a chaperone."

"About that," Theo says sheepishly, an embarrassed little grin on his lips. "She, uh… seems to have borrowed a car from your garage."

"She's what?!" River exclaims, staring at him with bewilderment, then frustration. "Was it even my car? If she's touched Helen or Liv's-"

"It was Liv's," Bill says weakly.

"Then she's gone too far," River says, her brow creasing with proper anger. "I'd ask who the hell she thinks she is, but the answer is fairly obvious-"

Theo looks pained. "River-"

"What the hell would possess her to-" River's eyes widen as she trails off, and understanding flashes over her face. "Oh. Of course."

"Yeah," Theo murmurs.

River squares her jaw, apparently wrestling with her anger and this new revelation. "Well, that doesn't excuse her extremely out of line behaviour. She can apologise to Liv, at least, whenever she gets back."

"I'll drag her back tomorrow."

"Assuming she actually is wherever you think she is," Bill mutters. Although, if River has apparently come to the same assumption, that seems to lend credibility to Theo's claim, so that's somewhat reassuring at least.

Alright, perhaps Bill is just rather miffed about getting left out of all of this. It's not the most mature reaction, but she can't help it. This secret keeping seems so fucking juvenile, so Bill's feeling of exclusion is allowed to be too.

Weirdly, there's a look of sympathy in River's eyes now, and it doesn't seem to be for Theo.

"Well-" River swallows whatever she had been about to say. "She'd better bring that car back without a scratch on it."

"I'll make her buy Liv a new one if she doesn't."

"That isn't the point and you know it," River says, fixing him with a look and he sighs. "If it had been my car? Fine, I'd have done the same to her. But Liv is my-" She hesitates, making Bill lift an eyebrow. "Well, it doesn't matter what she is, exactly. She's my guest and my girlfriend's fiance and very dear to me, and she doesn't deserve to have her property broken into just because your girlfriend has the impulse control of a toddler."

"Of course she doesn't," Theo agrees. "Like I say. I'll bring her back, and she can apologise."

"She'd better."

There are a nice handful of guest bedrooms in River's mansion, so Bill has the smallest one to herself while Clara and Ashildr share another, and if she's not mistaken, Johan and Charley and Chris and Lucie have piled into another, while River's band have the last, even if Bill doesn't know the logistics. She has no idea where Nardole got to, actually.

Regardless, she comes out into the courtyard to find it redecorated for breakfast, Charley setting places on the larger outdoor table she's found from somewhere and directing Chris on where to put everything. Lucie is sitting nearby and looks to be having fun criticising Chris' less than gracious method of moving the chairs around.

"Look who's awake!" Charley says brightly when she sees Bill approach.

"Morning," Lucie says after glancing up from her phone. "Sleep alright?"

"Yeah, you?" Bill asks.

"Fine, we've stayed here a couple of times now, we're used to it, or thereabouts," Lucie says with a shrug. "River even renovated one of the bathrooms a while back when I pointed out there wasn't one with good disabled access, so me and anyone like me that's visiting has an easier time of it." She pauses and reaches for a glass of juice she has nearby, and sips from it. "Have I mentioned that River Song is one of my favourite humans ever? Because she really is."

"Same here," Bill replies, with a grin. "Now, can I really smell food? Who here actually knows how to cook? That's awake?"

"Johan," Chris says, shrugging. "He's apparently taken the vacant occupation of chef, this morning. Since the happy couples don't seem interested in venturing outside of their rooms just yet."

"Well, Theo and River haven't seen each other in like a month, so it's fair," Bill says. "And Helen and Liv did just get engaged."

"Thank god all the guest bedrooms aren't anywhere near the main ones," Lucie says, shuddering. "Don't get me wrong, I love them all, but I don't ever need to hear them having sex." An odd look crosses her face. "Come to think of it, I still think I did hear something-"

"Oh, um, sorry."

They all turn to see Nardole approaching, dressed in the same clothes as the day before, and he's sharing a sheepish grin with Proper Dave, who is a step behind him.

Everyone already in the courtyard stares at them, and Proper Dave blushes a little.

"What? We're all adults here, no need to look at us like that," Nardole sniffs. "Besides, we tried to be quiet."

Lucie makes a face. "Oh god. I'm going to see how Johan's going. And if there's any bleach that might work on my ears in the kitchen. See ya."

With that, she gets up, waving Bill away when she instinctively steps closer in case she needs help, and slowly makes her way out of the courtyard towards where the kitchen must be.

Bill decides to take her seat, finding herself laughing a little as she gets out of her phone and scrolls through the many photos she'd taken the night before, stopping at the one of her with all of the Neverland members.

"You alright if I post this selfie I took with you guys? I think it'd be nice if my fans knew I'm as much of a fangirl as they are," Bill asks Charley and Chris.

"Knock yourself out, we're just as thrilled to have gotten a picture with you, anyway," Charley says with a big grin.

Bill grins back. There's something indescribably wonderful about Charley Pollard. Something about her smile - it's so infectious, as is the cheerful way she talks. She's all bright eyes and big laugh and soft curves, and her morning outfit is apparently the same thing she'd been wearing last night, but without the blouse underneath her waistcoat, and no shoes on her feet.

Bill tries not to notice the soft bit of stomach sticking out between the bottom of the waistcoat and the top of the trousers, which is mostly only visible when Charley lifts her arms and the waistcoat lifts with them. She fails entirely, and the worst part is that Charley catches her looking and flushes at the attention.

"Yes, I have a stomach and I'm not ashamed of it not being flat," Charley remarks airily.

"Oh, god, no, that wasn't why I-" Bill trips on her words, not wanting to just blurt out that she'd been perving as opposed to criticising. "Your stomach is brilliant. You're brilliant - that's why I was looking, or actually, perving, if I'm being honest, and look, fuck modern beauty standards, okay, since when should women be afraid of having stomachs and - shit, you're not a woman really, I know that, but you know what I-"

"Bill, you're word vomiting in gay panic," Nardole says with concern. "You told me to stop you if you started doing that again."

Bill covers her mouth with mortification as she realises everything she just said. Everyone is staring at her.

"I am… so sorry," Bill says to Charley, wanting to be swallowed up by the ground.

Charley looks rather astounded, her cheeks pink, and a funny smile quirks her lips. "Don't be. That was… rather sweet, actually, in a disastrous sort of way. You're lucky you make that work."

Bill smiles back tentatively. "Yeah?"

"Well, in my opinion, anyway," Charley replies, shrugging. "Which is currently the one that matters. Probably should get some control over that mouth of yours before it lands you in trouble with someone else, though. I imagine not everyone will find it so endearing."

Bill sighs. "Yeah. Trying to work on it."

"If worst comes to worst, give them your absolute cutest smile, and I'm sure you'll be fine," Charley laughs, and Bill feels her lips turn up at that. "There, see?"

Bill blushes and everyone laughs at her, so she grumbles and goes back to her phone, posting the group selfie from last night to Instagram.

pottsalotts - first night back in the UK and omg got to meet my heroes @charleypollard @chameleonchris @luciebleedingmiller @johansmith ! #Neverland

The excited fan reactions pour in, and she likes a few of the comments before she's distracted by the appearance of Theo and River. They're the picture of domesticity, River leading him by the hand, him dressed in casual jeans and a Nimons shirt, and her in a sundress just a bit too low cut to be demure.

"Morning, all," River says, smiling at them. "Can I smell Johan's cooking?"

"Yes, he's quite enjoying the challenge, I think," Charley says, grinning.

"That I am!" Johan says from a distance, making his way over with a plate in each hand. "Now, anyone who wants to come and help me carry this over since my lovely assistant Lucie isn't able to do so, would be greatly appreciated."

Nardole and Chris move off towards the kitchens to help while Johan reaches the table and sets down the food.

"Everything looks wonderful, but then I expected nothing less from a Pollard of such exquisite taste," he tells Charley, leaning in to kiss her cheek and making her smile and blush a bit.

"Flatterer," she grumbles.

"Never, only the speaker of complete and utter truth."

She whacks him with the pepper shaker, laughing. "You're full of absolute nonsense is what you are. Go on, back to the kitchen to check you've got everything."

"Yes ma'am," he replies, his good mood apparently unbreakable.

Bill watches him go, now immensely curious, and turns her gaze back to Charley. "Are you two…?"

Charley blinks at her. "What? Oh." She flushes again. "Um. No. Not… like that. Not exactly. We love each other, but it's… well, it is what it is, and we'd not want it any other way. If that complete vaguery made any sense whatsoever."

"Do you mean queerplatonic?" Nardole asks, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"Yes! That's the word!" Charley looks so relieved she might cry. "I'd forgotten it completely, which is so ridiculous under the circumstances, but we've never felt the need to, you know, get that specific about definitions, it's just not… us." She looks off into the distance where Johan is coming back, and gets a sappy smile on her face. "He's just… my person. It's as simple as that."

"Nice," Bill says, genuinely happy for her. She always approves of people finding what makes them happy in ways that break from traditional heterosexual views of what relationships have to be.

The food continues arriving, and they all tuck into the wonderful cooked breakfast with gusto. There's a few unconventional takes on aspects of it, but it's all rather good for the most part. The rest of River's band wander in, followed shortly by Clara and Ashildr, and then Helen and Liv, completing their numbers given that Max and Susan had headed home the night before.

Bill is glad that she ends up next to Theo, because she's just noticed something.

"Theo?" she asks quietly, so no one else can hear, which thankfully isn't difficult because everyone else is too absorbed in their own loud conversations. "What's that on your arm?"

Theo pauses with his coffee half to his mouth, and a moment later glances at his right arm, at the strange, round scar a couple of inches above his elbow. It's not usually visible, since he doesn't often wear t-shirts, but Bill recalls having seen it before a couple of times. She'd never paid it any mind, but now she can't ignore it, because she's since seen one almost exactly like it.

Theo turns to look at her. "It's a cigarette burn. Old one. From way back."

"Missy has one. At the top of her leg," Bill says.

Theo swallows. "Yes, she does," he replies, his jaw looking a little tighter than usual. "Saxon has one too. We got into some stupid things back in the day. The three of us were reckless idiots. Living on the edge."

"You gave each other cigarette burns for fun?" Bill asks, staring at him. "How stupid were you?"

"Fairly," he says flatly.

Bill snorts. River glances at them curiously, for a moment, and then at where her hand is entwined with Theo's, before Theo murmurs something to her that sounds reassuring, and her attention goes back to whatever Anita had been saying.

"I should get going," Theo says after breakfast has started winding down, getting up and brushing a kiss on top of River's hair as he does so. "I'll probably… be a while."

"It's alright," River says, eyes calm and warm. "Take as long as you need, sweetie. But when you get back, Missy and I need to have a little talk."

"And won't that be fun," he mutters, but he seems to be in too good of a mood to even withhold his smile. Which makes no sense, under the circumstances.

Bill is now, officially, more confused than she can ever remember being in her life.

"You sure you can't come?" Theo asks, making a face.

"I think we both know that isn't a good idea, sweetie," River tells him, patting his arm. "Now get going. The sooner you go, the sooner you can be back."

He kisses her hand and leaves, and Bill is relieved to see that most of the table is now staring after him or at River with a complete lack of understanding. So it's not just her that has no clue what's going on, at least.

"What was all that about?" Nardole asks. "Has Missy run off again?"

"Something like that," River says, sipping at her tea. "Don't worry about it, darlings."

Bill absolutely does worry about it, and fume about it, but there's not much to be done, unfortunately. She spends her day watching River and Helen and Liv be adorable, and getting to hang out with Neverland, which is the coolest thing ever. They end up working out a mashup between one of Neverland's songs and one of Event Horizon's, so they work on that using the selection of River's instruments lying around, and decide either group can debut it whenever they like.

"We could both do it at Glastonbury, and may the best version win," Bill suggests.

"You're on, Potts," Johan says with delight. "Although I hope you realise half of your lyrics will be lost to my, uh, unique style."

"Counting on it," Bill replies, with a grin. "Can't wait to see what you come up with."

It's not until about seven in the evening that Theo returns, his hand entwined with Missy's. Bill isn't sure what she had expected of them, upon their return, but happy, laughing idiots looking as stupidly besotted with each other as ever certainly wasn't it.

"Oh, they're back," River says, and for a moment she smiles, and then she sighs and gets up. "Well, time to cut their fun short, I'm afraid."

"Before you say anything, there's no damage, I ensured that," Theo tells her as they approach.

"Liv, dear, I'm afraid I've been withholding some information from you," River says, turning to look at Liv, who seems surprised to be addressed but now narrows her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Somebody took the liberty of hotwiring your car last night so that they could borrow it," River says, throwing Missy a dirty look.

"You did what?" Liv asks, staring at Missy. "Why my car?"

"Because it's the ugliest, and I wanted to attract the least amount of attention," Missy replies without missing a beat.

Liv opens her mouth, only to shut it again. "Fair enough. You said there was no damage, Theo?"

"None at all, I promise," Missy says.

"Alright," Liv says, shrugging. "Don't do it again, though, or we're going to have a problem."

"What? That's it?" Helen asks her, horrified. "That's seriously all you're going to say about her just borrowing your things without asking? It would have been a reasonable request if she had, but by just taking it, it's a blatant disrespect for you as a person and-"

"Helen, darling, with the deepest respect, this doesn't actually involve you," Missy says.

Helen gets to her feet and approaches her. "It involves me when you apparently think yourself so above reproach from anyone that you think you can just take whatever you want from whoever you like. I've seen how you operate. Just who the hell do you think you are, anyway?"

The room is silent, and Bill for one had never expected this type of challenge issued by Helen of all people. River and Liv, however, don't look as surprised.

"Someone who does whatever the hell she needs to do, when she needs to," Missy replies calmly. "I appreciate your being protective of your girlfriend, Helen, I do. And it's adorable that you're even trying to push at me like this. But don't think for a second you're any more intimidating than a mouse."

"Hey, don't you dare talk to her like that," Liv says, standing up and going to Helen's side. Helen, who has stepped back, swallowing hard.

"It's fine, Liv," Helen says quickly. "She's right, it was stupid of me, of course I'm not intimidating, I've spent my life shouting at old white men behind desks, and not once did they ever listen. It isn't exactly news."

"No, it isn't fine-"

"I'm sorry," Missy says quietly, and everyone stares at her with bewilderment. "That was. Uncalled for. Cruelty is a bit of a reflex for people getting in my face, I'm afraid."

Helen blinks at her. "I - it's alright."

"No, it isn't," Liv interjects.

"You're not a mouse," Missy continues, stepping forward and taking Helen's face in her hands. "You're a lioness. Remind me to teach you how to roar properly, some time."

"I-" Helen, understandably, seems to have no idea what to say. Bill is similarly dumbstruck, as are River and Liv. Theo is watching with that unreadable face of his. "Alright. That sounds… good. Whatever it means."

"Promise I won't steal your car again," Missy says to Liv. "You're allowed to be more cross with me, though, if you like."

"I don't care about the car," Liv says, calmly. "But if you ever say anything to Helen that makes her get that look on her face again, you're really going to wish you'd never shown your face around here."

From anyone else, Missy would probably have just snorted. But there's something about Liv, the determination in her, however quiet. She cares so obviously, so fiercely, from what Bill can make out. And god, if that threat hadn't somehow been incredibly firm, and believable.

Missy, after a moment of just staring Liv down, nods. "Noted."

With that, the tense atmosphere in the room melts away, and Bill is able to let out a deep breath. Missy looks at her as she does, and smiles, wiggling her fingers in greeting. Bill smiles back.

Theo and Missy stop to have a brief, quiet conversation with River, before heading in Bill's direction.

"Told you I'd find her," Theo says, grinning.

"Where did you even go?" Bill asks. "How far did you drive off that it took him like eight hours to bring you back?"

"Now, that'd be telling, Pottsie," Missy says, tapping her nose and winking. "I told you, I can't say. Big promise, all that jazz, very hush hush."

"Are you drunk or something?" Bill asks. Missy seems lighter than she has in months, happier or giddier or something -

"Nope, just very very very happy," Missy says, sliding into Bill's lap and looping an arm around her shoulders. "I am now a very, very happy Missy." She presses a kiss to Bill's cheek. "I'm sorry if I worried you terribly. But you need to trust me."

"Well, trust goes both ways," Bill can't stop herself from saying.

Missy sighs, her bizarrely good mood fading. "Yes, that's true. I'm sorry." She kisses Bill's cheek again before getting up. "Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm thinking we all get incredibly drunk in preparation for this Kovarian interview tomorrow."

River stiffens a little at that. "Yes, I think that's a good idea."

Everyone gets settled with a drink or two. Clara and Ashildr are nowhere to be seen, and River's band as well as Neverland have headed home at this point.

"So, how did you and Theo break up her marriage, River?" Bill asks. "If you don't mind my asking."

River laughs, but there's no humour in it. "Oh. That. Well, the crux of it is simply that a few years ago, we helped her wife realise what a deplorable person she is, by proving that the stories she was trying to print about Amy cheating on her husband with that floppy haired idiot were utter rubbish, not to mention the things she wanted to be saying about me."

"She's also overtly transphobic, but sometimes good at hiding it when it's convenient to her, which was a nice way to sort of seal the deal on Tasha realising she'd married the lesbian equivalent of garbage," Missy remarks, and everyone makes face of distaste.

"Right, well, fair enough, then," Bill replies, eyebrows up.

"But I was happy to, uh, help Tasha cleanse her whole body, on that front."

"Thank you for that completely unnecessary bit of extra information," Liv snarks.

"Anytime, Chenka," Missy says, grinning.

The next morning they head to pick up the UK TARDIS (because yes, they have two, since moving them between major continents is time consuming and it's easier that way) so that they can actually grab a change of clothes before they get ready for their interview.

Ohila makes them all look wonderful in record time, and then they're on the way to Silence Media Headquarters and Studio.

"Everyone feeling alright?" Nardole asks the group.

"Kovarian doesn't scare me, she's just a raging bitch," Missy says, smirking. "I'm going to see if I can somehow drop her divorce into the conversation."

"Do not do that," Theo tells her. "This interview is live, we don't want anything happening that we might regret not being able to take back."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Seriously-"

"Oh god, don't do that," Missy says, wrinkling her nose at him. "You know your serious face either turns me to giggles or weird arousal, and neither of those are helpful right now."

Bill closes her eyes and preys that this interview doesn't end with either Missy or Kovarian dead on the ground. She's not sure their chances are great.

They arrive, meet Clara who had arrived a bit earlier, and are ushered up to the studio level, where they're greeted by a dark skinned man named Manton. Bill isn't sure if it's his last name or his first name - he doesn't specify.

It all blurs together a bit, the niceties and the process, but then next thing she knows, they're walking onstage and smiling at the cameras and the small live audience gathered to watch. Seeing the fans actually makes Bill feel a bit better. Their smiles are infectious and she is more than happy to wave at them.

This is going to be okay. They can do this.

Kovarian sits on a comfortable chair between two couches, and Bill and Nardole settle on one while Theo and Missy sit on the other. Bill has seen her in pictures before, but there's something even colder about her in person. Thin lips painted with dark lipstick, and an unforgiving powerful suit, her dark red hair pinned up behind her head.

Her smile, somehow, seems genuine, if a little sinster due to something in her eye that Bill can't read.

"I'm so glad you could join us for a little chat today, all of you," she says, and seems to mean it, but in a way that makes Bill definitely suspicious.

"So are we," Missy says. "So good of you to have us on your territory again."

Kovarian's lip curls. "Indeed."

She asks them some generic questions about the album to start off with, and the first leg of the tour, and it's easy enough to give pleasant and interesting answers. Kovarian even laughs a little at some of Nardole and Bill's answers (she forces small chuckles at Theo and Missy's).

"Now, Bill, this song of yours," Kovarian says, and a sense of dread creeps up on Bill. "It's certainly reached a lot of acclaim. Are people right in thinking that it was aimed at a specific person?"

Bill feels a lump in her throat. "Yeah, yeah it was."

"And am I right in thinking that, given a lack of any social media announcement on that front, the declaration didn't go the way you'd hoped?"

"Is that really any of your business?" Missy asks Kovarian, sharply.

"No, Missy, it's fine," Bill insists, finding herself wanting to talk about it, oddly. "Um. Yeah. So I wrote it for this girl that I - well, I dunno, I was enamoured with her, I guess. Anyway, I was so sure she liked me back, so I wrote that song. But I guess I was wrong, or did something wrong, and scared her off."

Several people in the audience make 'aww' noises of disappointment.

"And maybe it's stupid, but I still think about her all the time, and every time I go out onstage I keep hoping I'm going to like, look out at the crowd and she'll just be there, like she was before," Bill continues, swallow. "And maybe I'll never stop hoping for that. I dunno. But that's why we'll record it properly and put it on the deluxe version of Black Hole Heart, when we get around to releasing that. Because it's still really special to me, and it's still how I feel."

"Well, if that isn't a tragedy worthy of its own Shakespeare play," Kovarian says, and it's impossible to tell if she's genuinely sympathetic or mocking her. Depends on how petty she is and whether she wishes misfortune on anyone who associates with her enemies, Bill supposes. "Perhaps we can hope for a romantic reunion in the future."

"Maybe," Bill says, even though she has more or less given up hope on the Star Girl front. She's only spoken the truth - she's blown her chance, and she knows that. It's okay. She'll get through it, once she can get these stupid incessant feelings to go away.

"In the meantime, I have a surprise for everybody which is almost as exciting as young lovers coming together," Kovarian says, clasping her hands, a new glint in her eyes that Bill immediately doesn't trust. "Old friends being reunited."

Theo looks at Kovarian sharply, and she pays him no mind, only looking to the audience.

"I want everyone to welcome, for a surprise appearance, the wonderful Harry Saxon!"

The man himself, all sleek black suit and neatly trimmed beard and big grin, strides onto the studio stage, waving and blowing kisses at the audience. He comes to a stop by Theo and Missy's couch, resting his hand on the back cushion as he grins down at them.

"Hello Theo, Missy. Give us a kiss."

Chapter Text

Bill has never felt the mood of a room shift so drastically.

The cheers of the audience fill her ears, but they can't drown out the sound of her pounding heart as she looks across the way at Theo and Missy, who had gone rigid the moment they'd heard Saxon's name.

Now, as he gives them that smug grin, Bill can see Theo's hands are shaking. Missy, meanwhile, is still, stiller than Bill has ever seen her, her eyes impossible to read as she looks between Theo and Saxon.

Bill can't breathe, because she has no idea what is going to happen, until -

"Harry, you little shit, you really haven't lost your flair for the dramatic, have you?" Missy asks, laughing, getting up and holding her arms out to him. "Come here."

Wait. What?!

Theo looks at Missy, brow furrowing, looking as confused as Bill herself feels. Harry, meanwhile, lifts his eyebrows at her for a moment, as if he's surprised as well.

A moment later, however, he laughs too, and seems more than happy to accept - first leaning in to kiss her cheek, near her mouth. Missy wraps him in a tight, lingering embrace, and her eyes fall shut as she clutches at him. Bill sits up a bit straighter as she realises that Missy is whispering something in Saxon's ear. Something that makes him smile.

Theo is staring at them, frozen, eyes guarded yet clearly uncomfortable, as he watches. Bill feels a bit sick. Is it possible that she's had this... entirely wrong?

He was the only one who ever really understood me...

"Theo," Harry says as he and Missy break apart, "it's been far too long. Look at you, getting older really suits you, you know. You look fantastic. You both do."

Theo gets up, awkwardly, and offers him a hand to shake. "Yes, erm, thanks. You look good too-"

Saxon grins and takes his hand. "Come on, old man, you owe me better than that." He uses his grip on Theo's hand to pull him into a hug, and Bill has to do her best not to wince, because Theo is not great with hugs from anyone outside of his inner circle, but she's never seen him this tense before. "God, I missed you."

Once he releases Theo, who Bill definitely notices offers no such friendly sentiment in response, Saxon turns to look at Bill and Nardole.

"And you two! Potts and Dellora, we haven't had the pleasure." He strides over to them and holds out a hand to Bill, who forces herself to shake it even though every warning bell in her head is on full volume.

"It's an honour," Nardole says, with delight, clasping his hand eagerly.

"Is it? Brilliant," Saxon replies, and Nardole grins back at him. "You know, I think I might sit with you two. Make new friends."

With that, he squeezes himself in between Bill and Nardole. Thankfully the couch is big enough that they are able to shuffle and make room. Bill is not massively thrilled about this turn of events, or even comfortable, but all it takes is one look at Theo and Missy's tense faces for her to just be relieved that he isn't sitting with them.

"Thanks for having me, Maeve, really," Saxon says to Kovarian, who smiles widely.

"Thank you."

"It's wild to finally meet you," Bill manages to make herself say, trying to use the skills she's learned since joining the band, to say one thing which might technically be true but mean another entirely.

Saxon grins at her. "God, I bet, what have these two been saying about me?"

"Mainly that you three got up to some really wild stuff back in the day," Bill says.

Saxon's eyes spark and he throws his head back and laughs. "Oh, did we ever. Drugs, sex with various attractive people, you name it. Missy, do you remember that time we convinced Rani that Thete was dead? Do you remember how she shouted when he started coughing from trying to hold back the laughter?"

"You convinced your manager he was dead?" Bill asks, with disbelief.

"It was fairly hilarious," Missy says, not quite looking at them, a distant look to her eyes that says she's remembering, an odd quirk to her lips. "She was so much fun to annoy."

"Where is she now, anyway?" Saxon asks. "I miss her."

"Oh, off on some remote island with her fortune, doing a bunch of musicology experiments and interacting with people as little as possible, if I'm remembering correctly," Missy replies, waving her hand.

"So living her dream, then?"

"Absolutely."

"How's your wife, Harry?" Theo asks, having finally managed to remember how to talk, even if it still seems a bit forced. "She looks lovely."

"She is, she's just delightful," Harry replies, smiling. "I'll have to get you over for dinner sometime."

"You know, that sounds like so much fun," Missy says, blinking at him. "It really does. We might need to arrange that."

Kovarian smiles. "Well, wouldn't that be nice?"

"Thank you so much for organising this, Maeve," Missy says to her, giving her a smile that Bill recognises as being the one that looks sweet but is incredibly dangerous. "I promise you, I won't ever forget it. Not ever."

For a brief, glorious instant, Kovarian actually looks a little afraid. But then it's gone, and she's smirking.

"Oh, it's nothing," she says, "just trying to bring people together. Big personalities always have fireworks. And in your case, history. Now that you're all in the same room, maybe we could shed some new light on why the three of you decided to part ways?"

Missy eyes Saxon and swallows, while Saxon's face briefly betrays something darker than the blanket charm he's so far been pouring on. It's just for an instant, but it's long enough for Bill to see. Theo, meanwhile, as well as apparently lacking the ability to look at Saxon for more than a few seconds at a time, has his hands between his knees to make it less obvious how much they're still shaking. Bill hopes it isn't visible on camera.

"Irreconcilable differences," Missy answers after several seconds, watching Saxon carefully. It's not in sight of the cameras, but her fist is clenched where it sits between her and Theo, her knuckles white.

"Oh, is that what it was?" Saxon asks. His tone is light, but there's something underneath, some edge.

"Among other things," Theo says, quietly.

"What other things?" Kovarian asks.

Theo makes an odd, choking noise - a strange sort of ironic laugh. "Oh, you know. Loads of things. He eats pears, for one. I couldn't be friends with someone who likes pears."

"The pears?" Saxon blinks at him, and then lets out a loud laugh. "It was the pears, really?"

"As I say," Theo says, with a strange little smile, tight and yet somehow genuine. "Among other things."

"You abandoned me over pears, typical," Saxon says, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry, Harry," Missy interjects, with an odd grin. "Karma."

Bill can't ever remember being so uncomfortable in her life. All that she can think of is Missy's words back in the tour bus: if I ever see his face again, right in front of me, it's going to be greeted by my fist. Repeatedly. You know. Just to be polite. Have you considered I don't trust my own restraint?

It's hard to reconcile that with how Missy had reacted upon seeing him, but looking at her now, it does seem that although she's good at playing nice, she's starting to struggle with it. Theo is less good at the deception, clearly.

"Now, Bill, you must tell me what these two are like these days," Saxon says to her, turning to give her a friendly grin and clapping his hand on her shoulder. "Are they boring now? Still wild as ever? You play any pranks on your manager?"

Bill holds back the urge to shove him away from her, and instead forces herself to smile. "They're great, honestly. I mean, Missy's completely off her nut, but I love her for that, you know? And Theo's like, the best person I've ever met."

"I second both statements," Nardole adds helpfully. "I'm just jealous you got to know them even earlier, and that they got to know you. Sorry, big fan of yours, here, forgive the fanboy tendencies."

Saxon laughs and claps him on the shoulder with his other hand. "Don't ever apologise for lavishing me with praise, Nardole, I thrive off it." He looks to Theo and Missy, who are still watching him intently, as stiff as ever. "Your friends are quite lovely, you know that? You're so very lucky to have them."

His grip is just a little bit too firm - not enough to hurt, but enough to be uncomfortable. Bill, for the first time, feels legitimately unsafe at a time that isn't walking home alone on some dark night.

"Yes, we are," Theo says, leaning forward, eyes not leaving Saxon's for a moment. "You know how I am with the people close to me, Harry. I protect them with everything I have."

"Yes, I do, Mr Valiant Protector," Saxon says, with a little sneer. "It's sickeningly cute."

"Don't forget about me, Harry," Missy adds. "I protect my friends too."

Saxon smirks. "I remember well." He swallows. "I've never seen anything as beautiful as you when you're absolutely furious."

"What about your wife?" Theo asks, voice cutting.

"Well, except her, obviously," Saxon says, with a charming little grin and not a second's hesitation, but to Bill, she can't help but think that it's a quick save, that Theo had far too kindly given him an out to what had been a risky statement to make in front of a live audience and camera.

From offstage, Bill sees Manton gesture to Kovarian.

"Unfortunately, that's all the time we have," Kovarian says, smiling at the camera, and then her guests. "Thank you all for joining me this morning, it's been an absolute treat."

"Thank you for having us," Saxon tells her, getting up to shake her hand, and then turning back to shake those belonging to Bill and Nardole. "Now, you two, come here."

He moves to hug Missy, and this time she barely hugs him back, her right hand remaining balled up in a fist and at her side. 

When it comes to Theo's turn, Bill sees Saxon whisper something to Theo, whose entire face turns ashen. He stares at Saxon as the other man lets go of him, his body once more completely rigid.

"Thanks everyone!" Bill says quickly, waving at the audience. "I'm sorry, but we've got to dash, we've got a thing to get to."

She manages to nudge Theo into moving, and Missy starts dragging him off.

"Catch you later, Harry," Nardole says politely, with a little half bow of sorts, before he follows.

Bill hears Kovarian signing her segment off, but they're already out of the studio and into the corridor, where an agitated Clara meets them -thankfully, it doesn't look like Saxon is trying to follow. Missy is still walking quickly, with a briskness to her pace and a hardness in her eyes that has Bill and Nardole following her without question.

"Oswald, call Jack, tell him to bring the car around now."

Clara does as she's told. "I'm so sorry, Missy, I didn't know he'd be-"

"Do you see me pointing the finger, Clara? Stop blaming yourself, for god's sake," Missy snaps, "I just want to be out of here. It's no one's fault but theirs."

By the time they reach the back entrance of the building, Jack is there waiting with a car. They all pile in, the back of it luxurious enough to allow for a forward facing seat and a backward facing one, allowing for all four band members to fit, with Clara in the front section with Jack.

"I'm sorry," Jack says over the barrier as they get in and he drives away, "I was watching, and - I didn't know, I swear."

"No way you could have," Theo says numbly. "Not your fault."

"For once, I'll agree," Missy says, eyes shut, voice tight, both of her fists clenched in her lap. "Not your fault. None of us could have seen this coming."

"Theo, what did he say to you?" Bill asks.

"Nothing," Theo says quickly, glancing at Missy. "Nothing."

"Well, one of you better start talking, now, because let me tell you that even though I have no fucking idea why, I've never felt as threatened as I did when he was sitting there next to me," Bill says, her heart pounding in her chest. "Until now, I was willing to let it lie, I was trying to back off. But now I think I'm owed an explanation."

"Possibly," Missy says, at the same time that Theo says, "No."

"Seriously?" Bill asks him incredulously. "You of all people are telling me no?"

Theo doesn't even answer. He just stares out the window. Bill realises that he's still shaking - trembling head to toe, his balled up fist pressed to his mouth.

Missy presses her lips together and directs her gaze outside the car too. Her fists are still clenched in her lap, but one reaches up to rake her hair out of her face. She's shaking too, just not quite as badly.

"Where are we going, Jack?" Clara asks.

"The London house," Jack says, "I know they haven't used it in a while, but it's the least known location, so-"

"No, that's perfect," Missy murmurs. "Thank you."

Jack hesitates. "Welcome."

That's when Nardole lets out a tiny yelp. Bill follows his gaze, and sees the blood on Missy's right hand that's visible now that she's opened it out. The blood that is coming from the tiny, crescent shaped cuts in her palm, and has stained her fingernails.

"Missy," Bill says with horror.

Missy glances at it. "Oh, that," she says quietly. "Don't worry about it."

"Missy," Theo says, voice pained as he takes her hand and starts cleaning it with a handkerchief in his pocket. His hands are still shaking but he's utterly dutiful and almost reverent as he goes about the task.

"Well, how the hell else was I supposed to keep my cool in there?" Missy mutters, not looking at him.

Bill feels like she's going to be sick.

The rest of the car ride is quiet, painfully so, Bill so worried and confused that there's an actual ache in her gut. Clara is wearing an expression that makes Bill think she's feeling something similar.

They finally arrive at the house, 107 Baker St, an apparent family heirloom of Theo's dating back over at least a century, gifted to him by Johan at some point, for some reason that was never fully explained to Bill. She's been here once or twice - it's the closest thing that Theo and Missy have to a shared home together, as far as she knows. It's a spacious place, a nice mix of more classical design with some modern features. The walls are stark white, with odd round designs in them. Bill loves them even though she has no idea what they're supposed to be.

She's broken from her thoughts by the sound of a vase crashing into a wall. Bill whips around to see Missy standing there staring at the shattered pieces on the ground, her face twisted with an enraged pain, tears gathering in her eyes, and Theo having flinched horribly at the noise.

"Missy!" he says.

"I'm not sorry," she says immediately. "Not for any of it." She grabs another vase and throws that one too.

He tries to stop her, but he can't. She shoves him away.

"Stop holding it in!" she shouts at him furiously. "Don't you dare - don't you dare hold it in a second longer! I've put up with it for years, I've stood by and said nothing but not anymore, not now-"

Sobs choke her words and she crumbles, stumbling into the decorative table that had been holding the vases and barely wincing as she hits the floor. She's half crying and half screaming into her knee, her hair falling into her face.

Bill had suspected the level of Missy's apparent issues for a while, but she'd never quite expected this. She doesn't know if she wants to run to Missy's side or in the opposite direction.

Theo looks between Missy and everyone else. Bill has never seen him look so conflicted, so completely at war with himself.

"Missy, I can't," he tells her, as he moves to kneel in front of her, shaking his head. "I just… I can't."

"You can't avoid dealing with it forever-"

"Watch me," Theo says, voice thick. He looks like he's on the absolute verge of snapping somehow, but Bill doesn't know whether it's anger, or the kind of breakdown Missy is having, or something else altogether.

Without another word, he pulls Missy into his arms, and she cries into his shirt softly, clutching him like he's the only thing tethering her to the earth itself. Bill sees some tears shining in Theo's eyes just before he lets his head drop into the crook of her shoulder.

There's something so horrifically private, and intimate, and wrong, about the moment before them, that Bill and the others see no other option but to quietly move off. Bill goes into the living area and sits on the couch, realising that she's crying too.

Crying for her friends, for what they might have suffered, likely at the hands of Saxon, to make them react like this. Crying for herself, for having to play nice while sitting next to a potential monster, while being touched by one. Crying for the not knowing, for how despite everything she still doesn't know exactly what happened, and now she isn't even completely sure she wants to.

She goes onto Twitter as a distraction, but of course, everyone is only talking about the interview.

@saxonite - so Saxon CLEARLY isn't over Missy, my god. They were so obviously a thing. Did you see how she clung to him?

@horizongal (replying to @saxonite) - agreed, there was some Chemistry going on I'm so intrigued

@punkprincess - what the actual fuck did I just watch

@merganfm - is it just me or did Theo and Missy look fucking terrified when he turned up? Like they were trying to put on a good face and all but :/

@punkprincess (replying to @horizongal) - also what the fuck do you think chemistry is, my god, @merganfm has it right, what the fuck is wrong with you

@crystal_ss (replying to @merganfm) - something seemed really off, yeah

@yikes_lou (replying to @crystal_ss) - there were Bad Vibes there, it was insane, Theo and Missy looked really fcking uncomfortable

@amatalefey (replying to @yikes_lou) - even Bill seemed kind of nervous tbh, though she did a good job of keeping everything friendly

@queenbaloo (replying to @amatalefey) - except like. Missy seemed really chill with him at the beginning?? but then it just went away?? I'm confusion

@girldressedinblack - am I going to have to fight Saxon now?? 

@stirmypotsy (repling to @girldressedinblack) - IDK BUT I'LL HELP IF IT COMES TO THAT... but for now... surveillance™, we need more info

@spacedracula - *disappears to comb through every bit of info about the Renegades, detective mode activated*

 

Bill's phone starts receiving a call. It's from Helen.

"Hey, Helen, this isn't really a great time," Bill says, finding it a bit difficult to form words.

"Bill, where are you?"

"What?"

"River's about ready to tear London apart, for some reason, she needs to see Theo, I need you to tell me if you're with him."

"Yeah, yeah, we're at his townhouse, she'd know the one," Bill says, confused. "What's gotten into her?"

"I don't know, we were watching the interview, and the moment that Saxon appeared she was acting incredibly strangely, and by the end, I - god, Bill, I've never seen her like this, do you have any idea-"

"I dunno, but Theo and Missy are… really messed up after the interview," Bill says. "Like, Missy is having a full on breakdown, and Theo barely seems like he's holding it together."

She hears Helen telling River about the townhouse, faintly.

"Alright, she's on her way," Helen says, sounding a little relieved, before worry re-enters her voice. "You said Missy's - is she alright?"

"I really don't think she is," Bill says with a lump in her throat. "I think I need to find out how much Clara and Jack know about this, because I'm going to be really honest, I'm kind of terrified right now."

"I think that's a good idea," Helen replies. "I wish I could be more help-"

"Nah, it's fine, you're doing great. Thanks for helping with the River thing. Hopefully she'll make things better, she usually does with Theo."

"Exactly. Give everyone my love, when you can."

"Definitely."

They hang up, and the timing works out well, because Clara and Jack enter the room, with Nardole behind them.

Bill looks up at them. "Are they still-"

"They're just sort of… sitting there," Nardole says uncertainty. "Still crying, I think, but all quiet like."

"What do you guys know?" Bill asks them as they sit down in the other seats near her. "Jack, Theo told you to keep Saxon away. What did he say? Like, his exact words?"

Jack swallows. "He said that he was dangerous. That they had a history, and that he was dangerous, and he had to be kept away, no matter what. And that he's a practiced liar."

"That's it?" Clara asks, face falling.

"I tried to press him for more info, but you know what he's like, he wasn't having any of it," Jack says defensively. "Trust me, I really tried."

"Clara? What about you?"

"I don't know anything really," Clara says, biting her lip. "I remember that I was with Theo when he first saw the announcement about Saxon starting up a solo career. He froze up, and I'd… never seen that look on his face before." Her fingers knot in her lap. "I've… seen it a lot, recently. I've got my theories, but this is their lives, I don't want to be throwing my guesses around. I just know that Saxon is the ultimate bad news. That he needs to stay away. I can't believe I didn't consider Kovarian might pull something like this."

"Theo and Missy are the experts, and even they didn't expect anything," Bill says. "It's not your fault."

Clara stands up and starts pacing, new energy and anger fueling each step. "She was so beyond out of line, she went behind my back and my god I don't know how, but I'm going to make her regret it."

"Pretty sure everyone here wants to see Kovarian slapped, even if it's just with some kind of misconduct thing," Bill says.

"I hate seeing them like this," Clara says softly, coming to a stop behind the couch that Jack and Nardole were sitting on, her hands planted on the back of it. "Theo's my best friend in the whole world. And I know Missy's… Missy, but god, I think it physically hurt me to watch her lose it like that."

"Yeah, me too," Bill says.

Nardole is incredibly quiet. "I… need to stop being a fan of Saxon, don't I? He really did do something horrible. To Missy. Or both of them. I dunno."

"It looks like it," Jack says grimly. "Best to shelf that particular crush."

"I've been in denial about it for a while," Nardole sighs. "But yes. He's definitely… not good. I've never seen Missy like that before. I don't know if it's pitiful or terrifying."

"I think it's terrifying because it's pitiful," Clara remarks.

"It's not pitiful to be a victim," Jack says, frowning at them. "You think she wants your pity? She'd rip your throat out. Feel bad for her, sympathise, but god help anyone who tries to pity her."

Clara nods. "Fair point."

"I mean, I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking, right?" Jack asks, slowly. "That he probably hurt her? Maybe… pretty bad."

"Yeah," Clara says, voice barely a whisper.

Bill swallows. "Yeah."

"I just can't imagine Missy ever… allowing it," Nardole says. "She's a fucking hurricane of a woman, she'd never-"

"It can happen to anyone," Jack says darkly. "Believe me, I've seen it before."

"How do you think Theo fits into all of it, then?"

"He's playing it pretty close to his chest," Jack says, tightening his jaw. "It's hard to tell. But… if he found out, maybe he got in the way."

A brief silence hangs over them like a thundercloud as they all imagine it and wince.

"Oh, jesus, I almost forgot," Bill says. "River's on her way. Helen said she flew off the handle after watching the interview. So… I dunno what that means. River met Theo after all the Saxon mess, right? She couldn't have been involved."

"Don't think so," Jack replies, frowning.

"She's his wife, though, maybe he actually told her about it," Nardole suggests.

Bill nods. "One time she told me she knows stuff, like, stuff that isn't her business exactly but stuff she should know, since she's his wife and all." She takes a deep breath. "And I get it. I get there's some things you don't want to talk about, and would only tell your wife about, or whatever. But also... I hate this. I hate seeing them like this and not knowing! I know it isn't supposed to be our business but except now, it kind of is, isn't it?!"

Nardole watches her carefully. "Saxon really scared you today, didn't he?"

"All of it did!" Bill exclaims. "Their reactions to him, him in general, and now this? Missy, of all people, having a complete emotional breakdown in front of everyone? What the hell? How am I not meant to be totally freaked out?"

No one seems to have an answer, but Nardole gets up and sits next to her so that he can give her a big hug, and she leans into the embrace with a tiny sigh of relief, willing herself not to start crying again.

It isn't long before they hear a key in the front door, and they all hurry out into the entrance hall to see River hurrying towards where Theo and Missy are still sitting on the floor.

"I came as soon as I could," River says, not seeming to notice her audience in the doorway.

"You didn't have to-"

"I saw everything, of course I did," she insists. "Are you alright, my love?"

"I'm fine," Theo says, brushing off her hand where it had cupped his face. "You don't need to worry about me. I have bigger problems."

River looks at Missy, who is currently sitting with a knee pulled to her chest, the other stretched out, an arm resting on each as she stares at some point behind Theo's shoulder with an eerie blankness, tears dried on her cheeks.

River's eyes go to the still bloody hand, which is the one dangling over her knee, a smear now on the denim covering her legs.

"Oh, Missy," River breathes, with a little sigh. To Bill's amazement, she reaches out to touch Missy's hair and push it from her face with a gentleness that is just bizarre. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Fuck off," Missy mumbles, without looking at her.

"Sorry, not going to happen," River says grimly. "Up you get."

The moment she goes to touch Missy again, something in Missy wakes up, and she scrambles to her feet, shoving River away.

"I said fuck off, Song," Missy snaps, arms immediately curling around herself. "If you want to be here to coddle your idiotic, emotionally repressed husband, then knock yourself out. But don't you touch me."

River doesn't argue. She just watches sadly as Missy heads upstairs, before turning back to Theo.

"Come on, I'll draw you a bath, and we can talk," River says to Theo, taking his hand. He's still staring after Missy, but finally looks around at her.

"Sure, whatever you want," he says quietly.

River sighs, a look of utter heartbreak flashing through her eyes for just a moment, before it's gone, hidden behind a more neutral mask. She leads Theo upstairs, with only a quick glance back at the four remaining downstairs.

"Okay, River is being nice to Missy, the world must seriously be about to end," Clara says, making Jack snort a little.

"At least they've stopped crying for a bit," Nardole says, making a face. "That was starting to get weird. Not that crying is weird, but you know what I mean."

"But Glastonbury is in two days," Bill reminds everyone. "We're going to see Saxon there, surely? This was a controlled environment where no one could pull anything. What are we going to do if we run into him away from people, and cameras? What's going to happen?"

"Me and my team try to make sure you don't have to find out, that's what," Jack says with grim determination. "I don't ever want to see this happen again. Not to one of the best people I've ever known, and not to his psycho girlfriend that I'm actually starting to like."

"And if you're not an infallible force of security?" Nardole asks, brow creasing.

An uncomfortable silence falls, heavy with the possibilities of what could happen in that event. Bill breaks it.

"Then we're ready to help. However we can. And if that means kicking Saxon's arse? I'm game."

Chapter Text

The waiting is agony.

Bill would never have thought that a room consisting of herself, Nardole, Jack Harkness and Clara Oswald would ever fall short of anything to say - but there's a first time for everything. She knows now, that sometimes, there are moments when most words would only seem hollow, like some kind of lie or denial of the circumstances.

And frankly, the four of them are well and truly done with withholdings of the truth at this point. Quiet isn't always honest, but this one is, almost desperately so.

It ends up being about half an hour before River comes back downstairs and finds them, which isn't really that long, but it feels like the longest half hour of Bill's life.

"Well, that was a lot like trying to talk to a brick wall," River jokes weakly upon her arrival. It doesn't reach her eyes. They're too sad.

"Are they okay?" Bill asks.

River gives a little shrug, a half smile on her lips that remains unconvincing. "They're together now. I think they need to be alone for a little while."

"You know what happened, between them and Saxon, don't you?" Nardole asks her.

Any pretence of a smile drops from her face.

"Yes, I do," she says quietly.

"And? You can't tell anything?"

River swallows. "Not my place." Her lip trembles and she crosses her arms like it'll hold in the emotion that's taken up on her. She lets out a shuddering breath and shuts her eyes. "The devil himself is going to have to help that man if he makes the mistake of getting within arm's reach of me."

"Are you alright?" Clara asks. "Probably a stupid question, but-"

"I'm fine," River replies. "For god's sake, don't worry about me."

Her phone starts ringing and she pulls it out. Her face grows pale.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this," she says, chewing her lip as she answers the call and puts the phone to her ear. "Hey." Her voice is quiet, unsure, and it seems like she bites her tongue at the last second to stop something else coming out, a name perhaps.

There's a pause.

"Yes, I'm with them." Another pause, and River bites her lip harder, closing her eyes. "No, you can't come here - no. Listen to me - no, we're not at the townhouse - no, I'm not lying, and don't you dare-"

River hangs up without warning, and she's wearing the strangest mix of guilt and exasperation on her face as she stares at her phone. 

"Um, who the hell was that?" Jack asks her.

"Nobody, it doesn't matter," River mutters, already dialing another number and heading out of the room as it rings. "I'm handling it, it's nothing for you to worry about."

Jack gets up. "It's my job to handle it, and that sounded like a security threat to me-"

A strange sort of laugh escapes River at that. "Shut up and let someone who actually knows what she's talking about handle it, alright?" she tells him sharply, before leaving the room.

Jack stares after her. His hands clench briefly at his sides. "You know, I'm getting really sick of being left in the dark," he says, sighing. "I'm sure they have their reasons, but how the hell am I meant to do my job like this?"

"You'll figure it out, you always do," Clara tells him.

"I hope so."

River goes out not long after her phone calls, not disclosing where she's going and saying she'll be back some time later.

Ashildr arrives shortly after that, and Clara hugs them a lot longer than usual, which is absolutely fair enough and goes unquestioned by her usually sparingly physical partner. Upon finally letting go, Clara updates them on everything that had happened since the interview.

"Well shit," Ashildr says once she's done.

"Where have you been, anyway?" Bill asks them.

They shrug. "Around."

"Are you actually capable of giving answers to questions that aren't either pedantic or totally abstract?" Nardole asks, frowning at them.

Ashildr just grins. "I don't know, am I?"

Nardole rolls his eyes, and ruffles their hair, making them protest even though the grin doesn't leave their face.

They head into the kitchen to search for food, and find canned baked beans and spaghetti along with bread in the freezer, so a rudimentary lunch is created, thanks to Nardole.

River returns after about an hour and a half of being gone on her mysterious errand, and she finds them all easily enough, walking into the kitchen with that little confident swagger that Bill always has to admire.

"Everything's sorted," River says, with a little smile.

"You're seriously not going to say what the problem was? Or, I dunno, who it was?"

River simply shrugs and moves to get a glass of water. After downing it, she moved to a liquor cupboard and pours herself a measure of whiskey before downing that too.

Her phone pings and Ashildr glances at it.

"Whoever 'Trouble' is, they just texted you," they tell River flatly, before glancing at it again and rolling their eyes. "What a shocker, you don't have message previews. Never saw that one coming."

"Oh, that's Missy," River says, and grabs the phone, but moves away to reply.

Bill lifts an eyebrow. "If Missy is 'Trouble', then what's Theo?"

"'Husband', obviously," River replies without looking up. She's still typing, and a few more pings come in. "Alright, he's coming downstairs."

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Theo appears in the doorway. His eyes are a bit red, and he looks so stiff and exhausted that Bill just wants to hug him and never let go. But at least he seems to be still holding it together.

"Hey," he says quietly, doing his best at a smile.

"Hey," Clara says, coming up to him and hugging him, eliciting a noise of protest out of sheer base reaction before he properly registers and hugs her back with surprising fervour. "You okay?"

He doesn't reply, he just holds her tight. When he finally lets her go, he turns to River.

"Is everything really okay?" he asks.

River nods, and then rolls her eyes. "We almost had a crisis on our hands, but I had backup and neutralised the situation. Check in later, when you're feeling up to it."

"Okay, well, I hate to miss out on this super interesting and not at all coded conversation," Jack says as he gets up, his tone sarcastic and bitter, "but since I'm being told squat about what's going on, I'm going to go make Glastonbury preparations since I have to work around the giant gaping holes of shit I don't know because certain people think that their secrets are more important than their wellbeing."

"Jack," Theo says, stepping towards him, expression pained.

"No, look, you do whatever you got to do, Doc," Jack tells him, lifting his hands. "But I need to go and do what I got to do."

"Yeah, what he said," Clara murmurs, touching her hand to Theo's arm. "I'm glad you're… well, I hope you're okay. But we have a lot to do now. I'll catch you later."

"Okay," Theo says, and watches her follow Jack out. Ashildr, after several moments of consideration, heads to follow, with their only farewell a little mock salute at the group with their fingers.

Bill and Nardole remain, sitting at the kitchen counter with their mostly empty bowls of baked beans, River and Theo standing on the other side.

"Anyone else?" Theo asks, arching an eyebrow.

"Nah, I'm with you, always," Bill says, glancing up at him and giving him a little smile. "Besides, my job is to turn up and play, I need to practice with you lot, remember?."

"Same here," Nardole adds, smiling at Theo. "You're stuck with me."

Theo looks at them with soft eyes full of affection, and Bill gets up to hug him tightly. Nardole moves to join in.

"I'm sorry," Theo murmurs to them more than once, as he hugs them back. "Thank you both."

River and Theo go about making lunch together (though where they found the ingredients, Bill has no idea), falling into the natural flirting and bickering as they move around the kitchen. There's a strangely beautiful harmony to it; Bill can't quite take her eyes off how they move with a natural coordination, how they never bump into each other and seem to know where the other is going to go next.

It's a relief to see some light come back to Theo's eyes, to see them spark as he chuckles and rolls his eyes at some of his wife's more ridiculous lines.

Bill finds herself smiling, and she snaps a couple of shots of them being adorable when they're not looking, just to preserve for herself.

As she's moving them to her 'Private' folder on her phone, a text comes in.

Queen Bitch:  come up?

Lesbian Princess:  yeah sure, do you want any food from down here?

Queen Bitch:  no, thank you, just you

Bill stares at the screen, and bites her lip as she tries to work out if the reply contains an innuendo. She can't be sure, but she supposes there's only one way to find out.

"Missy wants me to go up," Bill says, sliding out of the bar stool she's been sitting on.

Theo looks at her. "Understandable." She's almost to the door when he adds, "Bill" in a slightly strained voice, making her turn around and lift an eyebrow at him. "Look, you're an adult, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but - on the very small offchance she tries to… initiate something. You know. I don't think that's the best coping mechanism for you to encourage."

"Look, I know Missy and I have-" Bill pauses, and makes a face, "history. But her having sex with me to make me feel better isn't anything like this. I'm not stupid enough to think sex with me is going to help her with what looks to be some pretty serious emotional trauma."

Theo, unsurprisingly, seems immensely uncomfortable about having the conversation at all, but now also looks immensely relieved. "Glad to hear it. She knows that too, deep down, but she's not exactly at her most rational at the moment. I just thought I'd… make sure."

"Fair enough," Bill says awkwardly. "Right, well, I'm gonna go. Back in a bit, maybe."

She heads out of the kitchen, into the entrance hall, and up the stairs. She is fairly sure she remembers which bedroom is Missy's, and so heads down the corridor until she reaches it.

The door is shut, so she knocks.

"Hey, it's me."

"Come on in, then."

Bill opens the door, and sees Missy sitting up in her bed, a ukulele in her lap that she is absently strumming without looking at.

"You stealing my instruments now too?" Bill asks, shutting the door as she comes inside.

Missy snorts. "Hardly. You don't have ownership of ukes, you know. I was playing these before you were even born. Besides, this is not yours, this is mine. I didn't realise this was where I'd left it until today, though."

"And you figured now was the time to pick it back up?"

"I've hardly lost the knack," Missy says wryly. "But no. I just find it… comforting. It was a gift."

Bill comes to sit on the edge of the bed. "From who?"

Missy frowns at her. "Why on earth are you sitting so far away? I shuffled over to this side specifically so there'd be room for you to come sit next to me."

"Oh, right, sorry," Bill says, wondering if her evasion of the question about who had gifted her the ukulele had been deliberate or not.

Bill climbs up onto the bed properly, and sits so that there's less than an inch between their shoulders. Now that she's close, she can take a proper look at Missy.

Her eyes are red and raw, of course, and there's stains of dried tears on her cheeks. Her mascara has held up better than expected but is still smudged around her eyes, just not too badly (it sort of just looks like she's gone for a grunge look or something). Her hair is only a bit more of a mess than usual. Her right hand is now bandaged, much to Bill's relief.

Despite all this, she certainly seems more composed than earlier. Not shaking, not crying, not as horrifically quiet or the exact opposite.

"How are you doing?" Bill asks slowly.

Missy lets out a funny little snort. "How do you think?"

"I don't really know, since I don't know enough about the situation," Bill says pointedly, "and that isn't meant to be a guilt trip or anything, just a fact."

"Fair enough," Missy murmurs. Her fingers play a new little riff. There's something soft and aching and longing about it. It makes Bill think about Star Girl. Just for a brief, gut-wrenching moment.

"That's beautiful, did you write that?"

"What?" Missy stops playing, before glancing down at the ukulele. "Oh. Yes. Been mucking around this last hour or so. It's… helped."

"That's good, at least."

"I suppose."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Missy's phone rings, making Bill jump a little with surprise. It's resting on the covers between them. The screen reads Private Number. Missy stares at it, the strangest mix of pain and shame and longing sparking in her face. A moment later she looks at the ceiling, closing her eyes and looking like she's holding back more tears.

She picks up the phone and declines the call, biting down hard on her lip. She's shaking again.

"You don't want to talk to them?"

"Don't," Missy says softly, sighing as she sets the phone and then the ukulele on the bedside table. The ukulele she handles with an astounding care, more reverently than Bill has ever seen her treat anything.

When she looks back at Bill after doing so, a deep exhaustion has taken up in her, seemingly held back until now.

"Hold me?" she asks, quietly, only meeting her eyes for a moment before directing them at the bedspread.

Bill swallows, nods, and shuffles a bit so that they can lie down properly on the bed. She holds Missy to her tightly, feeling Missy's entire body shudder at the contact. Missy tucks her head into the crook of Bill's shoulder and murmurs a thank you of sorts.

"It's going to be okay," Bill tells her.

"Ever the optimist."

"Not sure that's true, actually. But it's going to be okay because we're going to make it okay. All of us. Anything else isn't an option."

Missy lifts her head to look at her with an odd kind of disbelief, and then lets out a derisive snort. "God, you people are ridiculous. How the hell did I end up friends with a bunch of valiant optimists?"

"Opposites attract?"

Missy lowers her head to kiss Bill's collarbone, and hums. "Probably."

Bill stiffens at the gesture, just a little. "Missy, I should probably make something clear. I am absolutely not having sex with you."

Missy pauses, and then makes an amused little noise against her skin. "That's alright. Probably for the best, even. Good girl for stopping me before I could properly get the idea in my head. You're just - very pretty. And soft. And lovely. It distracts one from sense."

"Well, thanks, but-"

"But you're right. Bad idea. This is fine. This is good. This is… better." Missy sighs a little. "This is what I needed. Thank you."

"Any time," Bill promises. "Seriously. I am fully available for cuddling, pretty much 24/7."

She glimpses a smile on Missy's lips. "Noted. You might come to regret offering that."

"Doubt it. You're a solid half of like, all the physical contact I get, and that scientifically means you're responsible for at least part of my mental wellbeing being fairly decent," Bill says.

"You know, my ego won't get that big if you just say 'it's okay, Missy, I like cuddling you too'."

"I like science."

"Me too. I'm just saying. A bit of direct language never hurt anyone."

"Oh my god, you did not seriously just say that, you of all people, with how you've been acting lately."

"Ah. Fair point."

"I can't believe you."

"Love you too, Pottsie."

"Hmph."

Eventually, Missy and Bill come downstairs and find River, Theo and Nardole laughing about some part of the Vegas story that Bill can't begin to grasp from the tiny bit she catches. They fall quiet when they see the new arrivals.

"Hey," River says, seeming to be aiming it as Missy specifically. There's something cautious about it.

"Hey yourself," Missy replies, similarly uncertain. "Um. Thanks. For what you did earlier. Dealing with-"

"Don't mention it," River says.

Missy nods, looking more than happy to never do so again.

She wanders to Theo's side and lingers in front of him like she doesn't quite know what to do, mouth slightly open as if to say something, hands knotted in front of her.

He gently takes her face in his hands and kisses her, chaste and lingering. He keeps his hands there afterwards. She blushes, just faintly, like a besotted schoolgirl, and he gives her a little grin. She grins back.

"Does anyone feel like Mario Kart?" she asks out of nowhere. "I'm sure we've still got a console around here somewhere, and I'm feeling a powerful need to destroy all of you."

"That sounds like a great idea, but I think I'll pass," River laughs.

"It sounds like you might have given Helen a bit of a fright when you left," Theo says to her. "Maybe you should go and give some kind of explanation. She's probably worried."

"Yes, you're probably right," River admits, and reaches to touch his arm. "Are you alright for me to go?"

"Yes," Theo promises, and kisses her hand. "Thank you for coming."

Missy, while this is going on, has climbed on top of the kitchen counter and is rummaging through an otherwise out of reach shelf.

"Missy, what the hell are you doing?" Bill asks.

"I just know I left it in - aha!" Missy holds out a cookie jar shaped like a cupcake.

Bill isn't really sure what she had been expecting but - oh.

The cupcake jar contains a giant bag of weed, which Missy is now waving over her head like the spoils of war. That makes much more sense.

"Seriously?" Bill asks.

Theo chuckles to himself. "This could be a very interesting combination with Mario Kart."

"Oh thank god, you do still remember to have fun," Missy says with relief, getting down from the bench and moving to kiss him firmly, with just enough tongue to make Bill avert her eyes and River say a final farewell on her way out of the room.

"I never said I encouraged this idea," Theo tells her with exasperation. "But really, Koschei, how long have I known you?"

"Oh, an immeasurable amount of time, surely," Missy says with a smirk.

"Right," he says sarcastically. "Well, since we were eight? So what, forty two years?"

"Look, you might be fifty, but I prefer 'ageless goddess of chaos'," Missy remarks. "But sure. Forty two years. Your point?"

"Point is, we've in that time fought about just about every possible thing there is to fight about, and even invented a few more just for the hell of it," Theo says, snorting. "And by now, I know how to recognise the rare instance of my facing a battle I have no hope of winning."

"I know this is meant to be all deep and philosophical, but honestly it's just sounding like you know I'm going to beat you at Mario Kart and want to be able to blame the weed," Missy says, cocking an eyebrow at him.

Theo scoffs, but Bill recognises it as the one he does whenever he is trying to lie to Nardole about not doing whatever questionable thing Nardole has caught him doing. That thing is often Missy, actually.

There's one more thing in this exchange that is a bit more interesting than that, though.

"What did he call you? Koschei?" Bill asks, frowning.

Theo flushes a bit. "Didn't mean to."

Missy smiles oddly. "Oh, that. Have you never wondered why I sometimes call him Thete? It's not a derivative of Theo, exactly, it's from Theta."

"The Greek letter?" Nardole asks with confusion.

"Exactly," Missy says. "It was a game we played as kids. He was Theta, and I was Koschei, and we had this whole wide universe to explore. We were fancy alien nobility and went off to wage war on-"

"You wanted to wage war, I just wanted to go exploring with you," Theo mumbles.

Missy rolls her eyes. "Anyway, it was a right good time, and the names have stuck a bit. We also managed to rope his brothers into playing a bit. Max indulged us a lot more than we expected, and actually got really into it - but he'd deny it if any adults came along. Couldn't have the eighteen year old be seen to be having fun, after all."

"He was Maximus Petullion, in our world," Theo recalls, grinning. "I think he got the name from some old Roman musician or something. History nerds, you know?"

"His name actually is Maximus anyway though, right?" Bill asks.

"Yep," Missy says with delight. "Irving, Maximus, and Theodore. Our one here got away lightly, I think."

"What's Irving like, anyway?"

Theo shrugs. "Pretentious older brother. Suit, stupid moustache. Occasionally bailing Max and I out of trouble. I dunno. Anyway, he's a lawyer, hence the suit, in case you needed any idea of how boring he is."

"Isn't he our lawyer?" Missy asks.

"No, he's my lawyer, because I believe he said he wouldn't go near any of your possible wrongdoings with a ten foot pole," Theo says, making Nardole laugh with delight.

"There's something weirdly adorable about you being the baby brother," Bill says, grinning. "It suits you."

Missy ruffles his hair fondly. "It does, doesn't it?"

"Not that I'm not loving this conversation, but can we light that stuff up or what? Now that you've put it in my mind, it's all I want to do," Nardole says, eyeing the bag in Missy's hands.

"I'll roll two if you lot get the console set up," Missy promises, fluttering her eyelashes for an extra effect of undetermined purpose.

"Don't flutter your eyelashes at me, Missy, you know it'll get you nowhere," Nardole grumbles, even as he gets out of his seat and heads for the lounge, Theo following him.

"Staying to see my tongue at work, Pottsie?" Missy asks Bill, voice quiet and teasing, and she grins when Bill looks at her with a mix of gay panic and exasperation. "I know you're a fan."

"Shut up," Bill snorts, and Missy scrunches her nose at her in a gesture of affection that, while abstract, makes Bill smile because of its familiarity.

Bill decides that it probably is better for her gay sanity to not be present for Missy rolling joints, and heads to the living room, where Nardole and Theo are bickering about the Wii setup.

Sometimes Bill thinks that their bickering - which usually consists of Theo being a cocky shit and Nardole telling him as much - sounds weirdly like flirting. Other times, she thinks that she's a nutcase for ever holding the previous opinion.

Today her brain hurts too much too care one way or another, but there's something comforting about their behaviour that makes her heart feel warm. She stands in the doorway and watches them, unable to hold back her fond grin as Nardole playfully whacks Theo with a remote.

Theo gets to his feet and whirls around to point his finger at Bill. "I have just had an excellent idea."

Bill blinks at him. "Oh yeah?"

"Pillow and blanket fort. In here. Right now. Perfect for Mario Kart and snacks, which is inevitable if we're going to be breaking into Missy's stash."

"Oh my god, can we actually?" Bill asks.

"I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life," he says gravely, and she laughs with delight. "Come on, help me."

By the time Missy comes in, the console is set up and Theo, Bill and Nardole have almost finished the blanket and pillow fort.

"Oh for god's sake, you can't be serious," she says flatly, making the others lift their eyebrows at her. "You can't do it like that, the structural integrity is pants, it'll fall on us and then probably catch on fire. Someone hold these and I'll fix it."

Bill volunteers to hold them, along with the lighter, and takes the chance to light one of them as she watches Missy and Theo bicker about the building techniques of blanket forts. Nardole comes to join her, and they stand there smoking the now lit joints.

Finally, Missy is satisfied, and the four of them climb inside and settle on the pillows (though Bill takes a picture of the fort first, because she's proud of it). It's insanely comfortable, and there's not loads of room so Theo ends up sort of between Missy's legs, reclining back against her with his head on her torso. She seems more than happy with this arrangement, since her hand is now able to comb through his hair.

Bill and Nardole take up on each side of her, and they pass the joints between them for the better part of twenty minutes.

"This was one of the best ideas I've ever had," Missy says. "And you know, that is really saying something. I've had some truly spectacular ideas over the years."

"I'd forgotten you get even more up yourself when you're high, jesus christ," Bill says, taking the joint from her and having another drag.

"Can we play Mario Kart now?" Nardole asks.

Theo, whose eyes are shut because Missy has been petting his hair the whole time and apparently sent him into a state of utter sleepy content, mumbles a disagreement to this idea.

"It's alright, honey, you won't have to move, just your hands," Missy tells him.

"Fine," he grumbles.

It's been a while since Bill has gotten high, and the strange, light sensation has started to fill her. Her head feels like a balloon on a string. It's weird, but nice. And god, if she didn't need to fucking relax after the last few days.

Mario Kart begins. Now, Bill has always considered herself a bit of a Mario Kart whiz, but it quickly becomes apparent that Theo and Missy are on a completely different level. Nardole is laughably inconsistent, in that he usually comes dead last but then inexplicably comes first a few times, and usually on the harder tracks. He also shrieks like a tiny child confronted with a monster in a horror movie any time he gets hit by any of the power up attacks.

Missy is the strongest, but she keeps getting distracting by touching Theo's hair, especially at the start of each race, but occasionally in the middle.

"How did you lot get in front of me?" she asks every time.

Of course, being Missy, it doesn't take her long to find a new tactic.

When he gets a particularly good lead on her for the second time, she leans down and whispers something into Theo's ear and he swerves right off the track, making an odd noise in his throat as he does so. Missy chuckles, low and smug, and Bill feels uncomfortably warm as she realises what kind of thing Missy had probably said.

She spends the next half an hour praying that Missy doesn't try to distract her in the same way. Maybe she deliberately stops herself from getting too close to the front for that exact reason.

Now, given the small noises of disgust that have occasionally escaped him, Bill has gathered that Nardole's keen ears have partly overheard a couple of Missy's distracting murmurings to Theo.

But then, when Theo and Nardole overtake Missy by a wide margin, Missy whispers something a little louder than usual - not loud enough for Bill to make out, but apparently enough for Nardole, who to her amazement, squeaks and turns a bright shade of pink and starts weaving incoherently across the track for a few moments before he gets under control. Theo, meanwhile, lets out an odd noise and tilts his head back to stare at Missy with disbelief.

Bill has no idea what Missy just said, but gets the idea that she never, ever wants to know.

Their tournament continues, and with all the sabotage going on, Bill and Theo and Missy are all pretty close to the top.

Problem is, Bill has expectedly found herself in the lead on the final race.

As she'd feared, Missy leans into her space, her mouth grazing Bill's ear.

"Do you know how many times I've gotten myself off thinking about the noises you made while I fucked you?" she murmurs.

Bill thinks her heart actually gives out, just for a moment, and her kart swerves completely off the track and into a wall. She takes several moments to take deep breaths and gets herself back on track, pointedly ignoring Missy - who has leaned out of her space and is now completely focused on the game - as much as she can.

The damage, however, is done, and Missy soars over the finish line first, claiming the overall title for herself at the same time.

"That," Bill says slowly, feeling a horrible flush up her neck because fucking hell the image sewn into her mind just won't go away, "was cheating."

"You have no idea," Theo says weakly. For the first time, Bill notices that he's crossed his legs rather firmly and looks a bit pained. She's going to resolutely not think about that and go back to being angry at Missy on her own behalf.

"Sorry, love, all's fair in love and war," Missy tells Theo, a lazy, wicked grin on her face as she keeps playing with his hair and kisses his temple.

He makes a 'hmph' noise.

"Right, well, Bill, do you want a rematch with just the two of us? Since these two are being idiots," Nardole suggests.

"Definitely," Bill agrees, praying that Missy being excluded from the match will mean she doesn't try to distract Bill again.

Thankfully, Missy's entire attention seems to have been taken up by Theo's hair at this point, and she combs her finger through it, petting him until he's snoring quietly and she's smirking.

Bill and Nardole find themselves getting too sleepy as they keep playing, and start zooming at a leisurely place instead. Missy's head has ended up on Bill's shoulder as she too has fallen asleep.

"Can we sleep now too? I'm so tired," Nardole says.

"Sleep sounds good," Bill agrees.

With that, she curls up to Missy and Theo, and Missy half wakes up for a moment to put an arm around Bill and pull her closer. Nardole, meanwhile, shuffles down so that he's more cuddled up to Theo than Missy.

Bill has a few hazy moments to consider how warm and comfortable and safe she feels here, with these people, and how full her heart feels, before she drifts off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Bill wakes up to Missy stroking her hair and humming. Which really isn't the worst way to start a day, even if she had fallen asleep in her clothes and has such has now slept with her bra on, which is less than ideal.

"Hey," Bill says, blinking up at her.

Missy turns to look at her and smiles. "Morning, Pottsie girl. How are you feeling?"

"Good," Bill tells her while she stretches her body sleepily. "You?"

"Yeah, good," Missy says absently. Bill realises her other hand is moving too, and sits up a bit to see that she's stroking the hair of Theo, who is still asleep. Nardole is still asleep against him, a content little smile on his face.

"Yeah?"

"I like watching him sleep," Missy says, eyes on Theo, "he makes the best little faces, sometimes kicks his leg. It's so sweet."

"Right," Bill says. A strange flash of memory hits her, of a few times that she thinks she can remember noises coming from Theo's room, noises that had almost made her concerned until she had seen him the next morning and he had been fine. "Does he… ever get nightmares? Like… really bad ones?"

Missy's face is difficult to read, but her smile becomes smaller, and sadder.

"Oh, I think we all have those sometimes," she murmurs, eyes never leaving Theo, her hand stroking him with a bit more care than before.

Bill doesn't get nightmares like that, not ever. She doesn't know how to feel about the fact that Missy thinks they're commonplace.

Luckily, she's saved from having to answer by the appearance of Clara and Ashildr, who stride in front of the fort and look down at them with amusement, arms crossed in bizarre unison.

"Not that this isn't adorable, but the Hell In High Heels video is dropping tonight, and I reckon you guys forgot all about it," Ashildr tells them.

"Which is fair enough, with everything that happened yesterday," Clara adds, "but yeah, we need you to get up."

"Cuddling time is over," Ashildr says, before grinning. "And on Instagram."

Bill frowns and gets out her phone. Sure enough, upon opening Instagram, the official Event Horizon account had posted a photo of the four of them cuddled up and asleep in the fort.

Event Horizon - statistics show that queer musicians huddle for warmth even in summer @pottsalotts @thedoctor @missymasters @eggman69

"Aw, sweet," Missy says, leaning over to take a look.

"What's this about the music video?" Nardole asks groggily.

"It's coming out today, you twat," Theo grumbles, eyes still shut. His accent is much thicker than usual. Bill has noticed that he's always significantly more Scottish when he's half awake, hence the swearing.

"Not gonna lie, I totally forgot," Bill admits, though vaguely recalls a conversation on the plane back to the UK where it had come up.

"Well, it is, and we need you up and getting your shit together so we can get you ready for the launch party," Clara tells them. "Also, you know, if you want to see the absolute final version and not just the really close to being the final version, Rigsy will be over here at about five."

"Five more minutes," Nardole mumbles into Theo's chest. Theo makes a noise of agreement.

"Fine, but after those five minutes, I'm getting a bucket of water," Clara warns.

She and Ashildr depart, and after four minutes and fifty nine seconds - somehow, Missy just knows without checking, it's fucking bizarre - the four sleepy band members get out of their comfortable cuddle pile and get ready to face the day.

 

@horizongal - ok but how the fuck are they all so cute

@punkprincess - this photo cleansed my skin and watered my crops, I'm so glad they're ok after yesterday's weirdness

@meme_face - this is too wholesome it's making me feel an emotion

@whifferdills - look at my boys all cuddled up this is so pure

@meme_face (replying to @whifferdills) - ISN'T IT JUST

@queenbaloo (replying to @meme_face) - I don't even ship Theodole but Nardole's little smile is adorable af here I support this

@saxonite - kind of looks like Theo and Missy got third and fourth wheeled by Bill and Nardole tbh but yes cute regardless

@potsyislife (replying to @saxonite) - I mean it could just as easily have been Bill and Missy being cute and the boys coming and ruining it so

@crystal_ss -  shippers, please stop fighting over this good pure image. I will find you and hide legos in your shoes

@doctahpants (replying to @crystal_ss) - as a Missodore shipper, agreed

@stirmypotsy (replying to @doctahpants) - also agreed, as a mostly Potsy but also most of the others shipper

@flossbucket - I'm so glad I got into this band and wish I had sooner bc this is so adorable wtf

@angelbill - catch me crying over this

Kovarian is at the launch party.

"Oswald, what the-"

"Before you threaten to make soup out of my internal organs, Missy, I'll have you know that I tried everything to get her banned from this event, but I couldn't without it drawing way too much attention," Clara says through gritted teeth the moment that Missy grabs her arm. "She's too high up, and this event is too big. She's here. We have to deal with it."

Luckily, there are lots of other people at this party. Bill finds herself enthusiastically greeted by Johan, Charley, and Lucie (Chris never seems to be overly enthusiastic about anything, but he smiles at Bill when he says hello, so that's something).

"Oh my god, that's Rose Tyler," Bill breathes, as she spots her long time crush and her spiky haired boyfriend from across the room. "Someone hold me to make sure I stay upright."

"Do you want me to introduce you?" Theo asks.

"God yes," Bill says, "wait, no, I'll probably just make a total dick of myself-"

It's too late. They're heading over to Rose and James. Bill tries to stay the panic inside her, to calm her pounding heart, but Rose is in a deep pink dress that is form-fitting and rather low cut and Bill is just far too gay for all of this.

"Rose, James, how have you been?" Theo calls.

Upon seeing him, Rose's face absolutely lights up with a smile so luminous that Bill feels lightheaded. Rose Tyler's smile could power an entire sun, of that Bill is absolutely sure.

"Theo, oh my god, how have you been?" Rose asks, pulling him into a huge hug, which Bill is astounded to see that Theo actually returns.

"Oh, you know, busy busy," Theo replies with a little chuckle. "How's this idiot? He treating you alright?"

"Oi," James says, looking offended. He's wearing a pinstripe suit, which is the same thing he wears while performing. Come to think of it, Bill isn't sure she's ever seen a picture of him wearing anything else. Does he not have other clothes? Is it a comfort zone thing? Was he only dressed in pinstripe clothes from childhood and never learned to branch out? Didn't a bunch of children get dressed in pinstripes in a book once?

"Sorry, James, got to be sure, Rose deserves only the best, after all," Theo tells him, and James makes a face and doesn't argue, since he apparently agrees.

"And you're Bill," Rose says, turning to Bill, grin still going strong, and her hands reaching for Bill's arms. "I've wanted to meet you for ages."

Rose Tyler is touching me. She knows my name. Um. Wait. She's wanted to meet me?!

"Seriously?" Bill asks, somehow able to regain the ability to speak. "You wanted to meet me?"

"Wicked bass player, adorable lesbian, possibly the most iconic queer person in our entire industry, this last year or so?" Rose says, lifting an eyebrow. "Yeah, I've wanted to meet you."

"Right," Bill says, still bewildered.

A strange look crosses Rose's face, a little more bashful. "Also, I'll be honest, I was sort of hoping to ask you for some help. Or, I dunno, advice."

"What kind of advice?"

"Well, you never really had a big coming out, right? You were just gay from the get go," Rose points out, laughing a little.

"That's me," Bill replies, managing to smile awkwardly. "My lesbianism can be seen from space, and I'm not about hiding who I am for anyone."

"Exactly, and that's what makes you so amazing," Rose says, giving Bill's arm a squeeze. "But I wasn't as brave as you, when I started out, so I've kept quiet. Except… I don't wanna be quiet anymore."

James and Theo, having been chatting a bit among themselves, now look at Rose - Theo with curiosity, James with a quiet, shining pride.

"You want to come out? Publicly?" Bill asks.

"What can I say? You and Event Horizon have inspired me," Rose says, smiling. "And basically, I'm wondering about the method. See, part of me is thinking maybe I could just get a nice big fuck off transgender symbol tattoo on my wrist-"

Oh. Wow! That's some wicked new info.

"But also, I'm thinking maybe I owe it to my fans out there to like, make a proper little speech of it," Rose continues, making a face. "I dunno. What do you think?"

"So... just to be clear, which pronouns do you use, then? She/her?" Bill asks, just to check, just to be absolutely sure. 

"Oh yeah, I'm 100% girl, the world just spent a long while trying to tell me I wasn't one," Rose says, still smiling. 

"Fuck the world, honestly."

Rose laughs. It's a wonderful sound that makes Bill feel blessed just to have witnessed it. She's doing that thing where her tongue is sticking out between her teeth as she grins, and Bill feels personally gay attacked by how adorable it is.

"Exactly."

"When it comes to your question, though, I dunno. For a start, I'm not trans, and your experiences before and after coming out are probably gonna be a lot different to mine. You don't need me to tell you that a load of people are going to be absolute arseholes to you."

"I know from before, and I don't care," Rose says, voice hard, eyes flashing with fierce strength.

"In the end, I just… you've got to do what feels right for you," Bill tells her. "Do it when you feel ready, if you want to, and not because you feel like you have to. I think that's… all the advice I can really give."

Rose nods, a little sigh escaping her. "I knew you'd say something like that. Guess I was hoping for some obscure lesbian wisdom for something I hadn't thought of yet."

"Obscure lesbian wisdom is totally a thing, but maybe not when it comes to stuff like this," Bill says, grinning. "Sorry. But you'll totally have my support, just so you-"

An idea hits her.

"What if we did some kind of charity fundraiser?" Bill asks, her mouth moving faster than her brain. "Like, we do a charity concert, to go to LGBT organisations, and we play and you play and we get River and Ashildr as well, maybe Neverland? And god, I dunno, even Elton John or something crazy like that if he's keen, and whoever else. Then if we wanted to do promo for it, we could like, take pictures with our pride flags. Then you wouldn't have to be like, on your own when you came out, because you'd be with all of us, and then you could do a speech at the concert if you wanted to, or leave it if you don't."

Rose stares at her. "Are you serious? Because that sounds… amazing. Beyond amazing."

"I'm fully serious," Bill says, before looking at Theo and losing some of her confidence. "We... could do that, right?"

Theo is grinning from ear to ear. "Oh yeah. We could do that. We'll talk to Clara about it in the morning, and have her talk to Harriet Jones, and River, and Elton if we can get a hold of him. It'll take a while to organise, mind, we've got to finish up the tour in the colonies first, after Glastonbury."

"Obviously," Bill says. "But if you don't mind waiting, Rose-"

"For this? I can wait," Rose says. "I'm not quite ready to come out yet. I'm just… I'm ready to start thinking about it. So that's perfect, honestly. Thank you so much."

She hugs Bill, who feels herself briefly transcend the mortal plane and has to take a deep breath in order to bring herself back.

"You're so welcome," Bill tells her, genuinely. "Seriously, anything you need, just let me know."

And that's how Bill ends up with Rose Tyler's phone number. Not even Kovarian watching them all from the sidelines like the sinister creep she is (especially Theo and River, who are trying not to end up next to each other too often since their chemistry can be a little too obvious) can bring Bill down, after that.

The music video, of course, is a huge success.

@flossbucket - quick question how did we never realise just how hot EH's manager is until this video

@rainbowrosie (replying to @flossbucket) - I know? I guess because she's only ever really been in the background of shots of them together, if at all?

@spaceacepupper (replying to @rainbowrosie) - including her in the video is such a cool idea! Getting to see her and Ashildr flirting in the background was adorable

@amatalefay - this is the gay Ashildr content we've deserved this whole time and I'm living for it

@stirmypotsy - I like to think that this video accurately represents that Bill is a total awkward disaster when it comes to trying to pick up women

@crystal_ss (replying to @stirmypotsy) - oh, absolutely

@crystal_ss -  general note, I'm too bisexual for this video to be allowed to exist

@queenbaloo (replying to @crystal_ss) - THATS A MOOD MY GOD IM DEAD RN

@meme_face (replying to @queenbaloo) - this is a personal attack on us

@stirmypotsy (replying to @meme_face) - I mean I'm not personally into Theo like That but yes my bisexual ass still feels very attacked

@starsthemselves - this video has fueled my Songsmith heart too much why must they encourage us like this also River was Way Too Hot in this video ahsjkgl

@crystal_ss (replying to @starsthemselves) - they know exactly what they're doing at this point, they're just teasing us because they can

@songsmithfy (replying to @starsthemselves) - they're so adorable help

The next day, Glastonbury is upon them, and they park the TARDIS among the other tour buses and set up a comfortable little lot of chairs outside for getting to enjoy the sun if they like.

The Neverland lot are nearby, as are Bad Wolves and Beetles.

River, arriving a bit later, isn't able to get a spot right next to them, but her and her band are only a five minute walk away. She's the final act on the Pyramid Stage for the first night, so they're more than ready to cheer her on.

First, however, they're doing a surprise performance on the Park Stage, in the afternoon. Sure enough, when they get out there, the people who had been waiting around to see who might turn up there on the small stage go wild.

"God, it's nice to be a small stage for once and to actually be able to see you all," Theo remarks into the microphone. "How is everyone today?"

Their small crowd cheers loudly.

"I'm so unbelievably stoked to be here, you have no idea," Bill says into her own mic.

They start their little set, and it's awesome playing to a crowd this small, even though it starts to grow a fair bit, no doubt as word spreads of them being here.

It's during the third song that Bill misses her intro into the second verse.

Star Girl is in the crowd. In the distance, staring right at her. Or, god, it's hard to tell from this far away but it looks like her. What if it isn't her? But what if it is? Bill's heart pounds, and she feels hope for the first time in weeks. Maybe what she'd said in the interview helped? Maybe she'd run out of money to follow them around America but could now make it back here?

Bill quickly falls back into the song, ignoring the curious looks from her bandmates regarding her slip up.

Problem is, the moment she looks back, she can't see her again. Too many people are here now, and it had been too far to begin with.

Doubt fills Bill's heart. Star Girl had always been at the front before. Did that mean this girl wasn't the right one? Had Bill just imagined it all? Or had she just not been able to get to the front, since it had been a surprise concert?

She plays the rest of the songs on automatic, doing her best to enjoy it but her mind buzzing too much for anything else.

It isn't until they're back on the bus that she's confronted about it.

"What happened out there?" Nardole asks Bill, frowning.

"... did you see her?" Theo asks. His voice is intent, his eyes curious.

"I dunno," Bill admits, biting her lip, running a hand through her hair as she shuts her eyes and tries to work out what the fuck she's even feeling, if she's excited or exasperated or hopeful or despairing. "I thought I did? But then she was gone, and now the more I think about it, the more I'm not really sure it was her at all. She was so far away, it could have been anyone."

"Well, we've got the meet and greets in a couple of days, if she's smart, she'll come then," Missy says.

"She's never come before."

"She also never missed a concert before," Missy reminds her, "so clearly something's changed. With any luck, it's something for the better. God, listen to me, you lot have me sounding like an optimist, it's disgusting. But god knows, we could do with some good news after everything that's been happening lately."

"Brave heart, Bill," Theo says, clasping Bill on the shoulder and giving her that look of warm reassurance that no one else can. "It'll come right eventually."

"You think?" she asks.

"I do."

River has a lovely luxurious tent set up near her bus, and naturally she has invited all of Event Horizon to come and visit her in there. It's wonderfully private, even with the flap partly open to let in the fresh air, compared to most of the rest of the festival.

It's a nice couple of days, hanging out with various other artists and sneaking around to watch them perform and trying not to get mobbed by fans too badly. Theo, of course, knows everyone, somehow.

There's a strange little man with a hat and umbrella who plays the spoons. His drummer is a very cute girl called Ace who wears a huge jacket covered in pins and flirts outrageously with Bill the whole time. It's brilliant. (Also, Bill isn't quite sure how their musical ensemble of rapping, spoons and drums works, but it just sort of does, weirdly.)

On a similar vein of weird ensembles, there's a dark haired man with a bowl cut and a recorder who has a younger Scottish man and his bagpipes to accompany him. Their keyboardist is an adorable girl with a bob who gives Bill a big smile but then goes back to taking a thousand snapchat pictures to somebody.

There's also a ridiculously tall man with an even longer multicoloured scarf. He has several instruments and a looping pedal, and just gives Bill an almost terrifying grin when she asks how he manages to keep track of them all at once.

The last group, however, bring a different surprise. The moment they enter the rather fancy tour bus, Theo stops dead.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asks a man reclining in the window seat, who looks at him with surprise. He looks around sixty, but a very well kept and polished sixty, his hair still having some of its colour, a well groomed moustache across his lip, and an expensive suit adorning him. 

"I could ask the same of you," the man says, dryly. "Except we've always known that you go wherever you please, so what would be the point?"

"Now, don't you two start," warns a woman with long golden hair and a well tailored white summer dress with medium length sleeves. She looks to be in her mid forties at the most, but speaks with the authority of someone twice her age. "I won't have any petty sibling rivalry in my bus."

Bill takes another look at the man, with his suit and moustache and smug little smirk. It clicks.

"Oh my god, you're Irving," Bill says. "You're the oldest brother."

"Yes, I am," he replies, smiling, "though call me Brax, everybody does."

"Why?"

"You do not want the explanation, it is long and nonsensical," says a brunette in a crop top who is sitting backwards on her chair and eating an apple with a knife. She regards Bill curiously. "I know you. You're the bassist everyone talks about. The one who looks at women like they're stars in the sky previously unknown to you."

Bill blinks at her. She's never heard her lesbianism described quite like that before, and yet, her chest feels rather warm at how this strange person could make 'you're super fucking gay, right?' sound like a Shakespearean sonnet.

"Uh, yeah, what of it?" Bill asks.

The woman shrugs. "It is… refreshing."

"Bill, this is Romana, Leela, and Narvin," Theo introduces. Romana is the blonde, apparently, while Leela is the strangely eloquent brunette with a knife, and Narvin is a rigid man with tidily cropped hair sitting in the corner on his laptop. They're all around the same age, or look to be, Brax the only one noticeably older. 

"Wait, Leela, I've heard your stuff, I think," Bill says, with realisation. "You're the one that does all those wicked dance breaks during your instrumentals, right?"

Leela grins. It's oddly feral. "You know my work."

"Love your work, your style is really unique," Bill says, sitting down opposite her, feeling her fangirl self kick into gear. "Because like, half the time you're singing about nature in this gorgeous, eerie sort of way, and the other half the time your stuff is really harsh and kind of violent which isn't usually my thing but the way you do it is so… neat."

"Thank you," Leela says, looking pleased.

"So, are you guys like, her musicians, or something? I thought you were a lawyer, Brax," Bill asks.

"We're all lawyers," Romana replies, shrugging. "With the exception of Leela, who is our… consultant. But she also wound up pursuing a music career when her talent became obvious, and so here we are."

"You bring your coworkers to your gigs?" Bill asks Leela. "That's… pretty weird."

Brax makes an odd coughing noise in his throat that sounds like laughter. Romana smiles a little.

"We're not just her coworkers, but I do actually play her synths, since she can't keep any other musicians because they're all terrified of her," Romana explains.

"They're babies, all of them, I barely touched them," Leela sniffs. For the first time, Bill notices how defined her biceps are. And, god, she has abs. This is an issue. Bill needs to find somewhere to look that isn't her abs. 

Romana's hand strokes the back of Leela's hair as she goes past, an amused smile on her lips. "Of course."

Brax watches them with a warm fondness in his eyes. Even Narvin has a little smirk on his lips, even though he's barely glanced up from his laptop.

"Okay, wait, when you say you're not just her coworkers," Bill says slowly.

"They mean that they're my romantic partners, yes," Leela replies.

"And each other's, the entire world doesn't revolve around you, you know," Narvin says dryly, rolling his eyes.

"I did not say it did, Narvin, I was following the grammatical context," Leela retorts. "If you wish to start an argument for the sake of it, you could just ask me if I want to have sex and be done with it."

Romana facepalms and Brax chokes on the sip of water he had been taking from a nearby glass. Theo's cheeks are a little pink but he's grinning.

Narvin's gone bright red. "That's not what I-" He stops, considers, a hilarious frown overtaking his face. "Do you?"

Leela considers this. "I suppose so. Do you?"

"Yes, I think so, I'm getting nowhere with this report," he remarks, setting his laptop aside.

"An orgasm will reboot your brain, I'm sure that is how Romana said it works," Leela tells him, extending a hand as she backs up towards some doors that likely lead to bedrooms. "It is not good to look at a screen for so long."

Narvin chuckles a little, finally looking like an actual person and not a robot. "It's worth a try, surely."

They disappear into one of the rooms and shut the door. Silence reigns in their absence.

"Right, so, that just happened," Bill remarks, after about ten seconds.

Romana laughs and sits down next to Brax, snuggling into his side just a little. "Finally, some peace and quiet. We owe you two now, I believe."

"I think that might be our cue to go," Theo says, shaking his head.

"Perhaps," Romana agrees. "It was good to see you."

"Stay out of trouble, for god's sake, baby brother, I'm too busy to bail you out of anything at the moment," Brax tells Theo, sounding rather bored. Theo just snorts and glances around the bus.

"Busy? Is that what we're calling it now? I suppose three significantly younger partners would keep you fairly occupied, but-"

"Out," Brax says, narrowing his eyes.

Theo grins. "Yes, big brother. Whatever you say, big brother."

River's performance on the Pyramid Stage on the 23rd is incredible, of course, and she gets Ashildr to come on as a surprise guest for one of her songs. Their voices together make for an ethereal, astounding sound, and the crowd goes nuts for it. Listening from backstage, Bill makes a note to ensure that they do a proper collab at some point, because the dynamic is too interesting to ignore.

Come the next day, since Saxon is apparently flying in for his performance on the Pyramid Stage, and then right back out, they're all relieved to actually be able to relax, more or less.

They still have Jack stationed outside the tent, since Theo and Missy have some serious trust issues at this point, but they're laughing and telling stupid jokes along with everyone else. The rest of Jack's team are with the TARDIS, as far as Bill knows.

"You were amazing last night, River, they all adored you," Bill tells River, who is half sitting in Theo's lap and happily flirting with him.

"The sheer number of people out there was… intoxicating," River says, a little breathlessly. "To know they were all there for me… it was rather a lot. Almost too much. But a good sort of too much."

"Suppose we'll see what that's like tomorrow night then," Nardole says.

Tomorrow is the last night of the festival, and they're the ones finishing the whole thing off. It's going to be amazing, and truly epic, Bill is sure. But you know, also moderately terrifying.

Closing Glastonbury? What the fuck? How did she get here?

Anyway, she's currently focusing on the way the curls of River's hair fall in different ways when she moves her head. That's working pretty well as a productive gay distraction.

Well, that and thinking about the meet and greets in a couple of hours. Her chest is a battleground where excitement and nerves are busy fighting it out to the death. What if Star Girl comes? What if she doesn't? Either way, Bill won't have any idea of what to do.

"Breathe, darling," Missy says to her out of nowhere, stroking a curl of hair out of her face. "Whether she comes or not, we'll work it out. We'll find her. Promise."

Bill has stopped questioning how she can always telling what Bill is thinking, or near enough. Maybe Bill will never be as enigmatic as she would like, maybe Missy is a mind reader. Who knows?

"Thanks," Bill says, sighing. "Do you think-"

She doesn't finish her sentence, because an unfamiliar figure walks into the tent.

They're wearing a suit, a press pass on a lanyard, and large sunglasses. Their long blonde hair looks a bit ratty, which could make sense in an eccentric fashion sort of way, but within a few moments Bill realises what's wrong with it.

"Hello, everyone, so nice to see all of you," the person says with a big grin and a rather fake sounding Eastern European accent. "What a good day!"

Everyone stares, having frozen at the strange intruder.

"No," Missy says under her breath.

"Oh, yes," comes the reply, the grin only widening.

The wig - because that's what it is, why it looks so wrong - and the sunglasses come off, and Harry Saxon smirks at them all as he throws them aside.

"Hello, you lot," he says, in his normal voice, "did you miss me?"

Chapter Text

Bill can't breathe.

Next to her, Theo has frozen completely and Missy has a hand on his arm, gripping it so tightly her knuckles are white. River is stone, staring at Saxon with a hard, unreadable expression. Nardole's eyes are nervously darting between everyone.

"Get out," Bill says, without even entirely meaning to, taking a step towards him. She's the closest by several feet, and her heart is pounding but she doesn't think it is out of fear for herself.

"Bill," Theo says, voice thick with worry.

Saxon just laughs. "She's plucky. And almost cute. Seems a bit boring though, doesn't she? Then again, you all seem a bit boring now. I saw that picture on Instagram. Cuddle piles in a blanket fort? Really?"

"Leave," River says, voice low and more dangerous than Bill has ever heard it. Her eyes are burning with a loathing so powerful that Bill almost can't look at it. "Walk out of this tent, never show your face in front of us again, and I'll consider letting you do so with your face intact."

Saxon lifts a singular eyebrow at her. Then he looks at Theo, seeming vaguely amused.

"Is this what it's come to? Hiding behind your woman?" He looks to Missy and sneers. "Or someone else's woman? I remember when the two of you were hard enough to hold me down and shove a burning cigarette into my ankle, but look at you now, you're pathetic -ah!"

There's a blur of motion and a crack. It takes Bill a moment to work out what exactly has happened. Saxon is on the ground and yelling and something is on top of him and also yelling or something -

It's River. Moving with more speed than Bill had even realised she possessed, River had leapt from her seat and tackled him to the ground.

Now, she's on top of him punching him with everything she has, her face twisted with a horrible fury.

"River! No!" Theo shouts.

But he doesn't move. Bill isn't sure he can. Missy has a white knuckled grip on his arm and he seems paralysed with fear regardless.

Saxon grins up at River, eyes fierce and alive and sadistic. "Oh, I've been waiting for a chance to do this."

His fist swings to hit River right back, square in the jaw. She makes a noise of pain, but a much milder one than Bill had expected from such a hit. Louder is the noise of distress that Theo makes in the back of his throat. Missy is just sitting there, watching the entire brawl with an unreadable expression. Her whole body is rigid.

River doesn't even falter. Her assault continues, and Saxon holds nothing back in his reciprocation.

Bill wants to step in, but doesn't, and isn't sure she quite has the guts to do so. She might need to jump in front of Theo and Missy instead, should something go awry, anyway.

"You think you've been waiting?" River growls at Saxon. "I've been waiting more than thirteen years for the chance to hit you where it hurts, you vile little cockroach of a man." She holds back a yelp when he grabs her hair and yanks on it, but still doesn't waver when it comes to her next punch, and she grins through a bloody mouth when he groans with pain. "If I could, I would remove every one of your-"

"What the - oh Jesus-"

Jack has just appeared in the entrance of the tent, his whole face going pale at the sight before him.

Like the dashing action hero he looks the part of, he rushes forward and yanks River and Saxon apart, pulling them to their feet. River, he pushes towards Theo and Missy, the former of whom finally unfreezes and grabs River on instinct.

Saxon, however, is kept tight in his grasp.

"Oh look, the man whore finally saw past the oh-so-easy distraction," Saxon says with a grin. It's even more sinister because his nose looks like it's broken and there's blood pouring from it, and he doesn't seem remotely worried.

Jack grits his teeth. "Okay, I was debating the matter of professionalism, but fuck it."

He slams his fist into Saxon's face, sending him staggering back, and making him laugh even as he spits out blood. Jack steps forward and hits him again, this time in the gut, and River twitches where she's now half in Theo's arms. Her hair is a mess even in her ponytail and there's blood around her mouth, but it's obvious she's itching to join back in.

"Jack, stop it," Theo says tightly. "Let him go."

Jack reluctantly releases Saxon, shoving him in the direction of the tent entrance, where he collides with an unfamiliar figure who has approached it.

"Sorry, boss, I'm good, but even I can't distract such a fine gentleman from his job when there's an obvious throwdown going on," the unknown man says to Saxon with a grin. "Worked for a while though, it wasn't a bad plan."

"And what help were you otherwise?" Saxon snaps.

The man is American and has slicked back brown hair, aviators, and a long leather coat surely too hot for this weather. He seems unperturbed by Saxon's attitude and merely shrugs.

"You told me to distract the pretty boy. I did. You didn't say anything about stopping you from getting your ass kicked."

"You are literally my bodyguard, Brian," Saxon snaps. "What is the point of you, if not that?"

Brian shrugs again. It's odd for Bill, after everything, to see someone act so nonchalantly around Saxon. "To tell you that it's time we left, since everyone in this tent looks like they literally want to murder you?" he says with exasperation. "What did you do, anyway?"

Saxon rolls his eyes and straightens his clothing. "Shut up and find me a handkerchief or some tissues or something."

"Yes sir," Brian says, a bit mockingly, before leaving.

Saxon turns back to the others, eyes flashing, a sneer curling his lips. "Well, this has been fun."

Theo steps forward, shaking off Missy and River's hands when they try to stop him. "Don't you dare come near my family again. We're finished. Move on."

"You don't get to decide when we're finished. I do," Saxon replies, and he reaches out to grab Theo's shirt and pull him closer until they're less than a foot apart, and Bill jumps in front of River and Missy as a precaution since she can't get in front of Theo in time.

Theo stares Saxon down, jaw tense, eyes burning with that fierce bravery Bill has always known him to have. It occurs to Bill that she has no idea what Theo is like in a fight, his ability to beautifully deck racists not withstanding. It's so hard to imagine him in one, and yet, here they all are. Watching. Waiting.

But Saxon doesn't hit him. Saxon pulls him into a hard, unforgiving kiss, and Bill swears for a second that Theo kisses him back, just for a moment, before going rigid.

Luckily, that's when Jack yanks Saxon away and throws him out of the tent. Bill can hear the sick fuck laughing as he finally leaves.

Theo turns around, slowly, only seeming half aware of his surroundings. There's a smear of blood on his upper lip that must have come from Saxon's nose.

"Thete-" Missy tries to say, voice tiny and choked.

He doesn't seem to hear her. It isn't until he looks at River that he seems to come back to himself.

"Why did you do that?!" he demands, striding up to her, his hand going to her face while the other pulls out a handkerchief and starts cleaning her mouth with it. The beginnings of a black eye are beginning to show on the left side of River's face.

"Because I've been waiting thirteen years to hurt that man," River says, breathing hard.

"But he hurt you-"

"No, he didn't, not really," River assures him. "This is nothing. It was worth it."

"No, it wasn't," Theo says, getting more and more worked up. "Nothing is worth me having to stand by and watch while he hurts someone I care about, again!"

Missy bites her lip, her gaze torn between him and the ground, evermoving.

"But sweetie, I'm fine, really," River says. "I could take it, easily!"

"Well I can't!"

Theo's voice breaks, and Bill realises just how much his body is shaking. Tears have welled up in his eyes, and she can only watch in horror as he crumbles to the ground before his wife, burying his face against the front of her legs as he clutches at them, sobs starting to wrack his body.

River drops a moment later, pulling his head into her lap and stroking his hair, tears silently falling down her cheeks. He clutches at her like a drowning man to a liferaft.

"So that's what it took," Missy murmurs.

"What the hell just happened?" Nardole asks. "Did I dream all of this? Or did an actual fight just happen in our tent and is Theo actually properly crying right now?"

Bill feels a lump in her throat. "No, this is real," she says, feeling something ugly in her chest, something angry and hateful that is so unfamiliar to her and feels so wrong. "And I might not know what the hell he did but I've seen what he's just done and if he comes near us again, I'm going to deck him."

"We'll tell you."

Bill, Nardole and River all turn to look at Missy, who had been the one to speak. Missy is staring ahead, the way she does when it looks like she's seeing something that isn't there, or purposefully seeing nothing at all.

"What?"

"Once he's alright," Missy says, glancing at Theo and swallowing. "If he agrees. We'll tell you what he did. We need to… we need to try and talk about it. And I think he's finally stopped denying the past."

Theo isn't crying anymore. He is, however, unmoving but for his shaking form, still clinging to River like a lifeline.

It makes Bill feel sick to her stomach to see him like this, but she doesn't know how to make it better. She doesn't know if it's even possible to do so.

"I'm going to find Clara and tell her to cancel the meet and greets," Bill says, numbly.

Missy's eyes snap to her with alarm. "But your girl-"

"That isn't important now," Bill forces herself to say, and half believes it, "and seriously, Missy, do you think any of us are in a state to see anyone right now?"

"... no. No, of course," Missy says. "You're right. Go on."

Bill calls Clara and feels like she can physically feel her Star Girl slipping from her fingertips as she does so. But as she looks around at her friends, three of them without dry eyes and Nardole simply awkward and worried beyond belief, she knows it's the only way forward.

Once back in the tour bus, Theo and Missy retreat to the latter's room for a while. Bill and Nardole sit on the sofa while River makes tea and then sits at the table, staring at her cup like it will give her some kind of answer.

"You okay?" Bill asks. "I know you gave more than you got, but that was still one hell of a beating."

"I'm fine, physically at least," River says.

"And… not physically?"

"What do you think?" River replies, voice hollow. "I've dreamt of getting to do that for years. And now I can't even remember it with pride because all I'll see is my husband being assaulted right in front of me. My husband crying into me. And all I can think is that I've been so focused on my revenge that I never thought about the possibility of Theo being there. Of how any of it might hurt him."

"But it was all for him, wasn't it? Your revenge, you wanted it because of how he'd been hurt in the first place," Nardole says.

River gives a weak half smile. "I suppose. I just… thought this would feel more like a victory. But it isn't. It was never going to be. Stupid of me."

"Yes, stupid of you," Theo agrees from the doorway of Missy's room, eyeing her with that fierce love that Bill never gets tired of seeing. He approaches her and bends to kiss the top of her head. "Also reckless, and brave, and brilliant."

River swallows, eyes closing at the brush of his lips against her hair, just for a moment.

"It wasn't incredibly reckless, really, I can handle myself-"

"Are you trying to imply Missy can't? Being able to handle yourself has nothing to do with it," Theo says sharply, and River quietens at that.

"Speaking of Missy, where's she going?" Bill asks.

"To get Clara and Ashildr and Jack," Theo explains. "They need to hear this too." He locks his jaw. "We… we're not sure we'll be able to say it more than once."

Bill nods, and then gets up and hugs him, for lack of anything better to do. He hugs her back tightly, murmuring a thank you, and then hugs Nardole when he joins in. It's soothing, not just physically but in a deeper part of Bill's heart (or soul, or whatever it is).

When they let go, Theo looks at River. He touches her chin for a moment.

"Please don't ever do that again," he asks, tightly. "You can't go after him like that-"

River looks at him sadly. "I can't make that promise, my love."

He sighs, the look on his face saying he ought to have known better than to ask, which at any time would be adorable and hilarious to Bill but right now just makes her chest ache even more. He sits at the table so that he's opposite River, and steals some of her tea.

It isn't long before Missy returns with Clara, Ashildr and Jack at her side.

"Right, everyone get comfortable, it's Tragic Backstory with Theo and Missy time," Missy tells everyone as she squeezes in next to Theo at the table and then crosses her arms as she waits for everyone to comply.

The others sit down where there's room on the sofa, Jack taking the singular recliner opposite.

"So, you know our story, best friends forever from the age of eight, whatever, all very cute," Missy says. "Anyway, so we decide to go to university together, and study science like the nerds we are. We get physics degrees but then decide that most physics jobs are pants and go for music instead. As you can imagine, our upper class parents were thrilled. But anyway, we're twenty four and for the last few years I've been doing piano lessons and Thete's been doing guitar lessons and we're half living off family money but that's fine. Enter Harry Saxon. Charming, good looking, and a natural at virtually any instrument he picks up."

"He was wanting to start a band," Theo says. "He had ambition like you'd never seen. Always talked about wanting to rule the world."

Missy is somewhat somber now. "He understood me like no one ever had, not even Thete," she murmurs, "every dark little part of myself I'd tried to deny, or that Thete had discouraged, he understood without even trying. He encouraged me to be myself, properly. In the process, I fell madly in love with him. Of course, I was also madly in love with Thete, but that didn't matter."

"So you dated both of them?" Clara asks. "Saxon doesn't seem like the sharing type."

Missy looks at Theo, who coughs.

"She wasn't the only one who fell for him," Theo says slowly, drawing a hand over his face. "He was…. hypnotic. There was just something about him, I don't know. He was mad and wild and so fucking alive. Made us feel like that too. Both of us."

"Oh," Bill says, realising what he means. How had she never considered that? Somehow, in the haze of everything, she'd not thought about Saxon's kissing Theo as anything more than another aggressive tactic. "So… the three of you, then."

"Yes, the three of us," Theo confirms.

"Anyway, we became an unstoppable force of nature, the three of us," Missy continues, waving her hand dismissively. "Made a band, got successful, felt like we were on top of the fucking world. And it was brilliant, it really was. We were reckless idiots who would play a show, go back to our hotel and get high off our faces, and fuck until morning."

Theo stares at the table in front of him, expression as unfathomable as ever. "It was brilliant until it wasn't."

Missy is quieter now, not just her voice but her eyes as well, and her jaw tense. "Yeah."

"He hurt you, didn't he?" Jack asks, looking at Missy. "Was it... both of you?"

"In retrospect, it started long before anything got physical," Missy says slowly, all at once looking incredibly tired, dragging a hand across her face. "Jealousy, if we so much as looked at anyone else, if we gave outsiders too much of our time."

"Every single time he told you that he was the only one that would ever understand you," Theo says through gritted teeth, his fist clenched. "You still believe it, you still say it."

Missy doesn't deny it, she just swallows and moves on.

"Anyway. That sort of thing. Classic warning signs." She shrugs minutely, her eyes not quite looking at them, distant. "Shouting, lack of genuine apologies, not taking enough care with certain things in the bedroom, you know. And then it was more than that, shoving and grabbing and throwing things until one day - well. I fired my makeup artist and started doing my own so I could cover the bruises."

The whole bus is silent. Bill has too much going on in her body and mind to know what to say or feel, other than anger and disgust and pain.

One thing does come out, though.

"The cigarette burn," she says slowly, looking at Theo. "You made it sound like you guys did it for fun."

"It was fun to give him one," Missy says darkly. "But no, however he managed to spin it to you, it was not."

Theo's eyes flash with a flicker of intense pain, but he doesn't look at or touch the spot on his arm where he has the burn scar. He is looking at Missy's leg, where Bill knows that Missy's own scar is located.

"You know, even now, I doubt there's much if any literature on abuse in polyamorous relationships," Theo says quietly. "In the late nineties? Definitely nothing of the sort. Maybe in some scenarios, it would easier to get out, with two. I don't know. But it was the opposite for us."

River has evidently heard all of this before, and is tearing up her napkin with badly restrained rage, her jaw tight.

"How was it worse, exactly?" Nardole asks. "If you don't mind my asking."

"Because he'd keep one of us in line by threatening the other," Missy says. "The first time he hit me, I hit him right back, obviously. The next day, Theo had a black eye."

"We couldn't fight back without the other getting hurt," Theo explains. "So we were stuck."

"Why did you stay?" Bill asks, quietly. "If it was that bad, why stay?"

"Don't ask that," Jack interrupts, voice hard. "Never ask someone that. It only shows you have no idea what those kind of relationships are like."

"You're right, I don't, that's why I'm asking," Bill says defensively.

"We were in the middle of a tour, for a start," Theo says, preventing the exchange from going further. "And even after that, we-"

"We loved him," Missy interrupts. She lets out an odd, humourless laugh. "You think it's easy? You think he didn't apologise every time, make excuses? He bought me pretty presents, expensive jewellery, took me on shopping sprees. And he was the only one who would ever understand me."

Her voice is so unbelievably bitter, her face twisted with pain and loathing.

"How could I leave?" she says softly. "How could I go back to feeling like there was something wrong with me, like the dark side he brought out was something I had to hide? How could I throw it all back in his face after everything? No one would understand, not even Thete. No one would ever understand-"

She takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself, her knuckles white where one hand is clutching the back of River's seat.

"I knew she wouldn't leave him," Theo explains. "I couldn't leave her alone with him. Because that was the other thing. We both thought we were getting the worst of it."

"What do you mean?" Clara asks, looking a bit green. Ashildr is holding her hand tightly, their face impassive.

"Well, it wasn't exactly all fine and dandy to see each other in pain, was it?" Theo asks sarcastically. "It didn't help anything. So we did our best to hide the worst of it, because it hurt too much to see. And so we both thought we were taking the worst of it, so the other didn't have to."

"Because even then we were underestimating him, how absolutely wretched he was," Missy adds. She shuts her eyes for a moment. "How wretched he is. He was able to get away with whatever he liked. He hurt us in every possible way you can hurt another person, and all I can remember thinking is at least Thete doesn't have to go through this."

"It was when we realised that we were wrong, that we'd both been taking all of it the whole time, that it had been for nothing, that we finally started to see clearly," Theo says. "It still took us a few months after that, and it wasn't final until-"

Missy gives him a sharp look and he goes quiet.

"Well, it doesn't matter what the final straw was," Theo mutters. "Just that there was one."

"We got out," Missy finishes. "It took several years, but we got out. And then, big shocker, after holding it together for a year or so, miraculously, the emotional trauma led to my infamous cocaine bender. And then rehab. I got out, did a bit better, relapsed, and then finally got better, for reals. I dealt with my shit, essentially."

She looks at Theo, who is now avoiding her gaze.

"Meanwhile, guess who has been repressing his emotions and trauma for the last eighteen and a half years!" she remarks. "Until today. Funny, how bottling that up wasn't healthy."

Theo winces visibly. He's shaking again.

"Leave him alone," River snaps at Missy. "He didn't have a luxury of going on a cocaine bender like you did, he had responsibilities-"

"Wrong, he had to go off to Greece and meet you and fall ass over heels while I was in rehab," Missy retorts. "It's fine, though, it's not like I could have used my best friend for support or anything-"

Theo winces again. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologise, Theo, you didn't do anything wrong," River says fiercely. "You did what you had to in order to keep your sanity."

"Can we not fight right now?" Bill asks, feeling tears in her eyes, not knowing how long they've been there. Her whole chest aches. She hates the images and scenes playing in her mind, of her own creation, built from the words spun to her. "After everything you just told us, can we just… not?"

Clara is frozen. She looks like she's going to be sick.

"I'm so sorry I hit you," she says to Missy, numbly. "I-"

"Had no idea, and no way of knowing," Missy replies. "Don't worry about it, Ozzie. I provoked you, I was being a Class A Bitch."

"Still not an excuse to hit someone, is it?"

"No, it isn't. But now you know."

"I'm so sorry I let him get past me," Jack says, eyes shining with guilt. "That bodyguard was distracting me with a bunch of flirting and we were so sure he wasn't here yet, and he had the disguise even if it was kinda crappy in retrospect-"

"It's alright, Jack," Theo tells him. "He'd have found a way in one way or another, I'm sure."

"Next time I see him, I'm going to kill him," Bill says, voice shaking. "Maybe not actual murder, but I am absolutely going to pummel him into the ground."

"And I'll help," River says.

"Me too," Missy adds.

Jack sits up a bit straighter. "And me."

Bill gets up and pulls Missy into a fierce hug, and Missy hugs her back with a crushing strength that Bill sometimes forgets she has.

"Thank you for telling us," Bill says. "I know it can't have been easy."

"I was too proud before," Missy replies. "I'm not now. Not when he's threatening my family."

As they pull away, Bill sees Clara and Jack and Nardole are meanwhile hugging Theo tightly. He looks to be entirely overwhelmed, tears in his eyes as he hugs them all back. Watching it all is River, who is strangely quiet.

"What's that look for, Song?" Missy asks her.

"You owe one more person this story," River says, without quite looking at her. "I know you don't want to, I know it's the last thing you could possibly-"

"Don't overstep yourself," Missy says, voice colder than Bill has heard it in a while. "That is not your business. And neither is who I tell about my trauma."

"I know, but-"

"No buts."

River falls silent and goes back to tearing her napkin.

Theo looks between them, a pained look in his eyes, conflict in his brow. He opens his mouth to say something, but Missy lifts up her hand.

"Not today, Thete," she says firmly. "We're not talking about this today."

"Okay," he replies, in that patient, achingly understanding way of his. "I need to be alone for a bit. Gonna lock my door."

"Okay. Take as long as you need."

Bill hugs him before he goes. "You're so strong I can't even believe it," she tells him softly. "And I know it's hard for me to understand but I just want you to know that you can talk to me, and I'll try my hardest, okay? I'm here."

"I know," he says into her neck. "I know."

With that he lets go of her, and locks himself in his room. Missy, after a moment's thought, goes and does the same with her own, except Bill can see her getting her phone out of her pocket. Probably going to call whoever it is that she calls.

Who is it that she calls? Do they have anything to do with this? Or are they comforting for her because they're the only thing removed from all this?

Bill had wanted answers, and now she has some and almost wishes she didn't. Except, there's still these other questions left, and Bill can only hope to god that the answers aren't as dismal as the rest.

Chapter Text

Waking up on the last day of the festival isn't the most pleasant experience. It means remembering everything that had happened the day before - Saxon's stupid face and River punching it and him punching her and him kissing Theo in some sick power play and Theo breaking down. Theo and Missy finally sharing the truth about their past with Saxon, that they'd both been in love with him but that he'd started hurting them.

Bill lies in bed for a while, mulling it over and willing herself not to cry again. She doesn't quite manage it, because her heart physically aches too much.

Once she's found the will to get out of bed, Bill wanders out into the bus' living space, only to stop at the curious sight she sees.

River and Missy are sitting on the couch, cross legged or near enough, facing each other. They're only a foot apart and they're quiet - talking, yes, but not sniping or shouting, which for them is beyond strange. Missy has a couple of makeup palettes and brushes balancing precariously on her legs and she's dragging a brush across River's black eye.

"It's a real beauty, this one," Missy murmurs, just enough for Bill to be able to catch it from a few metres away, where she stands so far unnoticed. "Haven't seen one quite like it since I was in rehab. Or possibly even since I had one just like it."

"Well, you know me, everything's a competition," River jokes, her eyes shut.

"I have to thank you for the memory of the bastard getting punched in the face continuously, that's going to keep me warm at night for a long time."

"Me too."

"You did good."

River laughs a little, with disbelief, cracking open an eye to look at her. "Did you just give me a compliment?"

"Don't let it go to your head," Missy snaps. "Don't start thinking we're friends. I don't like you. You don't like me. That isn't going to change. No matter how much we love the same person, no matter how many times we have ill advised sex."

"You don't have to tell me," River replies dryly.

"That said," Missy says, and Bill can't see her face from where she's standing, but her voice makes it sound like it's almost painful for her to get the next words out. "If he had to marry anyone, I… suppose… I'd rather it be you than anyone else."

River blinks. "Oh." She genuinely looks like she has no idea what to say, she's so taken aback.

Her eyes finally move away from Missy, and find Bill.

"Oh! Good morning, sweetie, we didn't see you there," she says.

"Sorry, didn't mean to like, eavesdrop," Bill replies, a bit sheepishly. "It's just so rare to see you two alone and not like, death glaring each other."

"Fair enough," Missy says, shrugging, a moment after she and River pause to consider Bill's point. River shifts her head slightly and Missy whacks her on the nose with the makeup brush. "Hold still, Song, honestly, don't get so easily distracted by the pretty girl like some kind of amateur."

"Excuse you, I'm much better at keeping myself composed around pretty girls than you are," River replies.

Missy snorts. "This coming from the woman who looks about ready to burst into enthusiastic applause every time Helen Sinclair so much as breathes."

River goes pink in the way she only ever does when Helen is involved.

"Shut up," she says.

Bill laughs. "Don't worry, it's cute."

"I don't do cute, I do seductive, charismatic, or terrifying," River replies, sighing. "Or I did, pre-Helen Sinclair. I'm too old to be smitten like a schoolgirl."

"Agreed," Missy says, sounding like she is rolling her eyes.

River hits her arm lightly, making Missy snort, and even though Bill knows it's a pseudo friendly gesture, it wrenches Bill back into the conversation yesterday.

A brief, violent montage in her mind makes her bite her lip: first River's pseudo violent gesture, then Clara's slap, then an image born of her imagination, of Saxon's tight grip, of his fist -

She feels nausea twist her gut.

"Who else knows?" she asks, unable to hold the question in.

River looks at her curiously and Missy turns her head to do the same. Their tentative good moods visibly fade and Bill almost feels bad.

"About where my incredible and deceptive makeup skills came from, you mean?" Missy says, dryly.

"Yeah," Bill says. "I mean, Theo's brothers, his parents, do they-"

"Max knows, but never asked for the details," Missy replies, and then she sighs. "Brax… has no idea. He and Theo were never much good at talking about their emotions with each other. They were too far apart to bond when they were younger, and they're… difficult, as adults. His parents know, though. Not many of the details, but they know."

"What about your family?"

"Well, my parents are dead, and good riddance," Missy says darkly. "My brother knows everything, though. Saxon better hope he never comes face to face with Emil. He's the perfect old-fashioned gentleman until you cross him. I'm not sure Saxon would stand a chance." Her lip curls. "God, I'd pay to see that."

"Especially since his husband is rather adept at aikido," River adds.

"Exactly."

"What are Theo's parents like?" Bill asks. "It's weirdly hard to picture. I always think of him growing up on an island like Peter Pan or one of the Lost Boys."

Missy and River both smile at that, eerily similar ones that are probably the first more subtle indicator Bill has ever seen that they love the same person.

"He was a bit of a lost boy, that one," Missy says, voice distant and thoughtful. "Or more Peter Pan, perhaps. Flying around, not wanting to grow up. He got there eventually, though."

"His parents are lovely," River adds, reaching for a cup of tea and sipping from it. "His father looks all gruff, but the worst damage he'll do is spend twenty minutes berating Theo's choice of clothing, it's hilarious."

"And his mother is as mad as a box of cats, but in the best possible way," Missy adds, her voice even more Scottish than usual with that sentence. "Good old Idris and I go way back. She used to kiss my grazed knees when I was a wee thing. I've been her daughter in all but name for years now. Well, perhaps more of a pseudo daughter-in-law. Which is good, since their more official one is so irritating-"

River rolls her eyes.

"Doesn't Brax have two girlfriends, though?" Bill asks. "So that's two more pseudo daughter-in-laws. And one son-in-law, with Narvin."

"Hardly, given that they've never met, as far as I know," Missy says. "Brax keeps himself to himself. In all things. And none of his partners are the 'take them home for the holidays' sort."

Bill, considering her brief meeting of them all, accepts this without question and moves on. "Where do Theo's parents live?"

"Oh, up north, they left Scotland around when Theo moved out," Missy recalls. "It's funny, they're not actually Scottish themselves, that's why Max and Brax - oh goodness, that sounds ridiculous, but I hate calling him Irving - still sound English as anything. But Theo is because that's where he was born and raised. His brothers were too old to pick it up."

"But your brother isn't Scottish," River recalls, frowning at her. "How have I only just realised that?"

"Oh, he ditched the accent long time ago, he thought he seemed like a more authentic posh classical musician with the more Oxford type nonsense," Missy says, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I always figured it just proved that Thete and I were destined. The only two Scots of our families, as nonsensical as it may seem."

"So your parents weren't Scottish either?" Bill asks.

"Being Scottish requires possessing a human soul, my parents never quite qualified," Missy replies, sneering.

"... right."

Bill hadn't quite thought it would be possible to become more concerned about Missy and her life, but here she is, trying not to flip out.

"Were your parents…" Bill trails off, losing the bravery to ask. Not wanting to say.

Missy understands, though. It's in her eyes, cold and bitter. "Oh yes. Verbal and emotional only, except there's no only about it. It's alright, though. I had Emil. And once I got to university, a decent therapist. Thete was so sweet, he'd wait outside for me, every time."

"Shit," Bill says, swallowing.

"It's alright, really, in a few months it'll be twenty five years since they died, and I have every intention of literally dancing on their grave as soon as I'm physically able." Missy tilts her head and smiles, eyes light and pleased. "Perhaps Emil and I could take some chairs and have some wine. That sounds delightful, actually, I shall have to see what he thinks. I'll be in America at the time, but as soon as we're back-"

She gets out her phone and starts texting furiously, a grin on her lips.

Bill, deciding she's not going to touch any of that with a ten foot pole, looks to River. "How's your face?"

"Sore, but utterly worth it," River replies.

There's a knock on the bus door, and Bill goes to open it, assuming it's Clara or Ashildr or Jack, only to be immensely surprised when it's none other than Sarah Jane Smith, journalist extraordinaire and old friend of Theo's.

"Sarah Jane!" Bill says with surprise. "Hey."

"I thought I'd be a bit cheeky and pop in for a surprise little interview about the festival," Sarah Jane says with a grin. "May I come in?"

Bill is vaguely aware of River spluttering and coughing in the background, and glances back to see Missy hurriedly whacking more powder on her face, since the bruise hadn't been entirely covered yet.

"Um, yeah, don't see why not," Bill says, assuming that's the right thing to do. "Theo isn't actually up yet."

"Oh, well, we can come back-"

It's then that Bill notices the young man standing behind Sarah Jane, who waves at her with a friendly grin. He's a pretty boy type, about twenty two with a bit of a baby face, and looks like the kind of kid who would have been the subject of most crushes of girls in his year when he was fifteen.

It takes a second for Bill to recognise him.

"Wait, Luke Smith, from Luke Smith and the Bannermen," Bill says. She looks at Sarah Jane, then at Luke. "Hang on. How did I never know he was your son?"

"Well, I try never to mention it, and there's enough of us Smiths around that it works well enough," Sarah Jane says, shrugging. "I don't want to seem biased."

That's when the door to Theo's bedroom opens, to reveal an exhausted Theo in a t-shirt and jeans and no shoes. His eyes are red rimmed and have shadows underneath them.

"Good god, Theo, you look like you haven't slept," Sarah Jane says with horror.

"Funny reason for that," he murmurs, making a beeline for the coffee pot.

"Oh, sweetie," River says softly.

Does he ever get nightmares? Bad ones?

Oh, I think we all have those sometimes.

Bill feels that ache in her heart again, now that she has an idea what those nightmares entail. She wants to just go up to him and hug him for an hour, but they have company, company that is looking around at everyone and getting a frown on her far too perceptive face.

"Is everything alright?" Sarah Jane asks. "You all seem a bit… off."

"Maybe we should come back later," Luke adds, edging back towards the door.

"No, it's fine, it's fine," Theo insists, starting to make himself coffee. "As good a time for a chat as any. And I haven't seen old Lukey boy in at least a year. You been busy, Luke?"

"Almost as busy as you, I think," Luke says, with a little smile. "You know you're the one who inspired me to start my band? I never actually thought it would work out, though."

"Oh, you've got the sort of face guaranteed to pull in all sorts of teenage girls," River tells him with a little laugh, making him flush a bit.

"Yeah, it's a bit weird," he says. "Like, they're nice and all, but I do have a boyfriend, so-"

"You know Jo Jones? Luke's dating her grandson," Sarah Jane tells Theo, rather proudly. "Though they're currently both off protesting something on the coast of Japan at the moment."

"You mean Jo Grant, who I will never call anything else no matter how many decades she's been married? Yes, I'm familiar," Theo replies wryly, before giving Luke a little smile. "Santiago's a good lad. I approve."

Luke properly blushes this time. "Yeah, he's great. Thanks. Anyway, I can't stay for too long because my band is playing in a couple of hours, but I thought I'd at least stop in and say hi. Plus I wanted to meet your other friends." He turns to look at Bill. "You're Bill, right? My sibling Sky has the biggest crush on you, just saying."

"Oh," Bill says, blushing a bit. "Tell them thanks? Sky's your rhythm guitarist, right? The kid?"

"Well, they're eighteen now, but yeah, that or keys, or violin, whatever's needed, really," Luke says. "They're a natural at most things."

"So are you," Sarah reminds him, with a proud shine in her eyes as she touches his arm. She then looks back at Bill with an old amusement. "Somehow, I adopted two of the biggest musical prodigies on the planet. Separately. What are the odds?"

"You sure they're not like, secretly Theo and Missy's kids? Or Theo and River's?" Bill jokes. "Pretty sure either way, a prodigy would come out."

Missy and River both shudder, while Theo starts choking on his coffee.

"Don't even joke about that while I'm drinking hot coffee, I think I just burned a hole in my tongue," he says weakly, after recovering.

"Pretty sure I can't think of anything less appealing than pregnancy and childbirth," River remarks. "Luckily, I'm about 95% sure I can't actually have children. So, you know, small mercies."

"I think the image of Missy as a mother is possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever had to imagine," comes the voice of Nardole, as he wanders out in his dressing gown and brightly coloured sleeping cap. He frowns at Missy. "Do you even know how to hold a baby?"

Missy stares at him for a moment, her expression thoughtful, and then bitter. "Not really, I'd probably just have tried to do a line of cocaine from the top of its head."

While Nardole and Bill laugh and River makes a face, Theo drops his mug and it smashes on the floor, coffee going everywhere.

"Oh, for god's sake, Theo, it was a joke," Missy mutters.

"That wasn't funny," he says, glowering, his body looking like it's shaking again.

Missy gets up from the couch, her makeup tucked in her arms, and that bitterness rampant in her eyes as she sneers at him. "Oh, I don't know, I thought it was pretty good, actually. We don't joke about my addiction enough."

"I don't like joking about it," Theo says, frowning. "It was serious-"

"You didn't seem to think it was so serious when you decided to go off and find yourself - and a wife! - on a different continent instead of visiting me when I needed you-"

"Now? You want to do this now?!" Theo asks with disbelief.

"No," Missy says, heading for her room. "I'm just making a point."

"And what is that, exactly?" River asks, scowling at her. "Because right now it seems like you're just making trouble and lashing out because you're having a bad couple of days. Which is in extremely poor taste."

"Oh, right, because I've been known for my excellent taste in the past," Missy retorts. "My point, Song, is that maybe Theo could take a joke about it a bit better if he'd actually been there."

"He didn't owe you anything-"

"Yes, actually, he did," Missy says, having reached her doorway. "Leaving me on my own? With his responsibilities? With only my visiting brother and brother-in-law for intelligent conversation? Of course I fucking relapsed."

Anguish flashes over Theo's face. "That isn't fair-"

"No, it really isn't," River says, horrified.

"No, it wasn't," Missy replies, shutting the door. It's not an agreement.

Bill has had her fair share of awkward silences, especially in the last few months. It's safe to say that this one wins out of all of them. It's uncomfortable and painful in the most literal sense. Nardole wordlessly backs up and back into his room, disgust all over his features. Luke is intently studying his shoelaces, looking very much like he'd rather be anywhere else, and Sarah Jane looks lost, staring at Theo with worry.

"I think Luke and I should go," she says. "Are you alright?"

"It's been a rough couple of days," he says, sighing. "Don't ask me to explain. Why don't we meet after Luke's performance for that interview, yeah? I'm sorry about Missy, she-"

He glances at where Nardole had disappeared back into his bedroom, and swallows, before looking back at Sarah Jane.

"It's hard to know what will set her off, sometimes."

"It's alright, I just hope you're all okay," Sarah Jane says earnestly, brow creased with worry as she looks between them all. "You know you can talk to me? As a friend, not as a journalist."

"I know," Theo says, nodding. "This is just… complicated."

"Alright. Well, we'll be off then. See you a bit later, hopefully."

Luke and Sarah Jane head out, and it's a bit of a relief to be back among only their inner circle, or part of it, but that fades the moment that Bill looks back to Theo, who has sat down next to River and buried his face in his hands.

"She's right, it was selfish of me, I put her in danger, what kind of-" Theo swallows. "I should never have left Missy on her own when she got out."

"She wasn't on her own-"

"Close enough," he replies, rubbing his forehead.

"You left because it was essential to your sanity."

"She's right. I had responsibilities, I was - I just left her, I just left all of them," Theo says. "But then can I regret it? Properly? No, because that's when I met you, but it meant I wasn't there, when she-"

"It isn't your fault," Bill tells him. "Maybe you should have done something differently, and maybe not. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. She still did all that herself. It isn't your fault, okay?"

"I put her in danger," he says again, not seeming to be listening to her. River's expression is tight as she rubs his arm.

Bill isn't having any of this guilt trip. After everything she's watched him go through in the last day, she won't let this add to it because Missy decided to have a tantrum and lash out at everyone for no feasible reason.

"Unless you literally put the cocaine in front of her-"

"Bill, please," River says quietly. "Leave it. Theo, go for a walk. Take your phone and your headphones, and go for a walk."

Theo sighs. "Yeah. Yeah. Back in a bit."

After fetching his phone and headphones, he disappears out of the door, River watching him go with a pained, and rather guilty, expression. Bill wonders if that has to do with the off finding yourself and a wife comment. Is there actual resentment between River and Missy about that? For all the obvious faults in their relationship... conflict between them, of any kind of serious jealous nature, has never seemed to be an issue.

"Should I… go and talk to her?" Bill asks.

"No, I don't think so," River replies, sighing.

"Should you go and talk to her?"

"Definitely not." River is shaking from head to toe, and Bill realises with a jolt that it's anger filling River up and threatening to spill out of her.

"Shit, you're really pissed at her, huh?" Bill asks, biting her lip.

River takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't care about the reasons why he should have been there - because yes, they were good reasons, trust me, and I fully understand why she would be upset. But it was never his job to babysit her like she was a child. She made her own mistakes, and she doesn't get to blame them on him. Especially not today."

"Does she… actually blame him?" Bill asks.

River sighs. "Maybe a little. But mostly just herself, I think. A lot of people got hurt when she relapsed. Not physically, but emotionally."

"What I don't get is why she would make a joke in such poor taste if it was only going to serve to make things worse."

"Well," River pauses, looking like she doesn't quite know what she is going to say, but whether it's uncertainty or deliberation, Bill can't quite tell. "Perhaps she was just looking for a fight, and picked an easy target. She does that when she's hurting, I've noticed."

"Fair point," Bill admits. She's noticed that about Missy too.

"Can you pass me my phone? I think I should go and get some air too. I might call Helen. It should help calm me down."

Bill smiles at that, and grabs the phone for her, and River gives her a thank you kiss on the cheek as she gets up, and then rubs her arm as an extra gesture. Bill ignores her stupid automatic gay heart flutter since this couldn't be further from the time for that.

Actually, a walk sounds good. Really, really good.

Bill goes to get dressed before heading outside, and she wanders over to Luke's tent for lack of a better place to go. He and Sarah Jane are the only ones there, currently.

"Hey," Bill says, awkwardly.

"Hey," Luke replies. "Come in."

"Sorry you guys had to see that. Shit's been kinda mental, lately. And Missy's… well, Missy."

"It's alright, we were just rather out of place, is all," Sarah Jane says, shrugging, a tight smile on her lips. "No judgements made, I promise. I know Missy can be… difficult. And to be fair, recovery from something like cocaine is no easy thing. She should just be proud she's managed it. What is it, fourteen or so years clean, now?"

"Yeah," Bill agrees. "Still, could we talk about something else? Will you guys be setting up soon, Luke?"

"As soon as The Pantheon of Discord clear off, yeah," Luke says, shaking his head, while Sarah Jane bites her lip. "They were hanging around after their set and we don't like dealing with them."

"Why not? They've always seemed super weird, but in a performative kind of way, mostly," Bill says.

"It's not just a performance," Luke replies, a bit more of an edge in his tone. "The frontman is really obsessed with Mum. It's pretty creepy. Hence why we're hiding out til they're gone."

"Yikes, sorry," Bill says to Sarah Jane, who just shrugs, looking more annoyed than anything else.

"Oh, he doesn't frighten me, he's just a nuisance," Sarah Jane says, rolling her eyes. "I can handle him."

"You shouldn't have to, though, Mum," Luke says protectively. "That's why we're staying away."

"On the topic of creepy dudes, stay away from Harry Saxon while you're at it," Bill can't stop herself from saying. After everything that has happened, she has to say something.

Sarah Jane makes a face. "Trust me, that won't be a problem. I've never liked him. Something about him has always made my skin crawl." She looks at Bill curiously. "Have Missy and Theo said something about him to you? That I should know about?"

"Just that he's bad news," Bill says darkly. "Can't really say more than that, but he's… the worst. Trust me."

Sarah Jane nods. "Alright. Good to know. Thank you."

That's when Rani Chandra, Bannermen drummer, and Clyde Langer, Bannermen bassist, walk into the tent hand in hand. Rani is tall and willowy and beautiful while Clyde is rather good looking and half a foot shorter than her.

"Oh my god, you're Bill Potts," Rani says, staring. "Bill Potts is in our tent. This is like Christmas. Where's Sky? They can not be missing this."

"Hiya," Bill says, with a little wave. "It's Rani and Clyde, right?"

"Bill Potts knows who we are," Clyde whispers to Rani, "this. Is. Wicked." Then he properly looks at Bill and hurries to sit down next to her. "Okay, please, one bassist to another, have you got any tips?"

Bill is more than happy to give him some pointers, even if it's hard to tell if it's good advice or not.

Eventually, the tent flap opens again, and standing there is an open-mouthed teenager in a denim jacket, a high sandy coloured ponytail brushing their shoulders. Their eyes are bright and astounded, and completely fixed on Bill.

"Look who we're mates with now, Sky," Clyde says to them with a shit-eating grin.

"Oh my god," Sky says, beaming. "This is the best day ever." They hurry forward and stick out their hand. "I'm so happy to meet you, Bill. You're the best."

"Aw, thanks," Bill replies. "I'm a big fan of your work too, though. Your stuff is great, it's got such a cool vibe to it."

"That's us, too cool for school, that's why we're here and not in university," Clyde jokes, while Rani facepalms.

"Ignore his terrible jokes, please," Rani asks Bill, with the chagrin of a long-suffering girlfriend, and Bill just laughs.

It's soothing for her soul, to be able to sit back and chat and laugh with these friendly strangers that are now friendly acquaintances, and forget her own group's worries for a while.

She can only hope that everything will be okay by the time they have to perform on the Pyramid stage tonight. They can't let Saxon throw them off, they can't let him win. They have to be fucking incredible and give him the biggest figurative middle finger of all time.

And, if the universe is feeling kind, maybe her Star Girl will be there too.

Eventually, she returns to the tour bus, trying not to feel apprehensive about what the atmosphere may be like when she gets there.

To her surprise, it's actually... peaceful.

There's a game of Scrabble going on, and it seems to be Theo and Nardole versus River and Clara versus Ashildr on their own. Bill thinks that it is a fairly even stack of the teams, actually, given that Ashildr is annoyingly good at a myriad of things - Scrabble amongst them.

"Bill, there you are," Theo greets. "It's a shame you couldn't play with us, you might have given Ash a run for their money."

Ashildr cocks a dark eyebrow. "You say that, and yet, my record as champion has never even come close to being properly challenged."

"Pride cometh before a fall," River mutters, but she's frowning. Bill gets the idea that Ashildr is winning, even with the disadvantage.

Bill has just settled to watch the game, having fetched herself a drink and settled on the couch, when the door to Missy's bedroom opens and a red eyed Missy leans against the doorway. Everyone else goes quiet.

"Hey," Theo says, turning to look at her.

"Hey," Missy replies, voice low. "So, just curious, how long am I going to be buying you lunch for what I said earlier? Three years? That about do it?"

Theo's face softens a fraction. "Missy-"

"No, I'm serious," she says, stepping forward, face twisted with guilt and self-loathing, voice earnest. "I can tell your wife wants to kill me for it, and she'd have every right. I should never have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have," Theo says, and his voice is calm but the hurt is still there, partly hidden in the back of his eyes and in the tiny inflection in his words.

"It wasn't your fault that I relapsed, it will never be anyone's fault but my own, I know that, I've always known that," Missy says, coming out a bit faster, swallowing hard. "I just don't think I ever… got over how much I wish you had been there. How much it hurt that you weren't."

She physically gets on her knees in front of where he is sitting, staring at him like a repentant sinner in front of an altar.

"So… I'm sorry, Thete," she says. "Properly sorry, for all of it."

Theo runs his hand over her hair, and her eyes drift shut for a moment. "I thought you might be," he says, before giving her a smile.

She lets her head fall into his lap as a breath of a sigh of relief escapes her lips, and his fingers start combing through her hair. He looks down at her with a soft, saddened expression. Just looking at him then, Bill can almost feel in her own heart how much he loves her, how much it hurts in its own way and how it is a hurt he apparently has no hesitation about accepting as the price for all the rest.

River, meanwhile, watches them with a conflicted expression. She's obviously not as quick to forgive; her anger is still almost visible in how it sits under her skin, unsettling her, while her eyes have a kind of aching sympathy in them as she looks down at Missy, who is on her knees in such surrender to the one they both love more than anything else in the world.

It looks like River is biting her tongue, trying to stop herself from saying something. Probably 'don't ever pull anything like that again', or something close. Bill is impressed she manages to keep quiet.

"Good," Nardole says, breaking the silence that has fallen. "Don't ever do that again, Missy, that was seriously not on."

Missy makes a noise of derisive agreement that is somewhat muffled against Theo's trousers.

"To be fair, your initial comment wasn't exactly kind," Theo says to Nardole, who makes a face.

"That's true." He reaches out and awkwardly pats Missy's head. "I'm sorry, Missy, that was rather rude of me. If you like, next time we see a baby, I can show you how to hold it if you promise to not bring along any drugs."

There's an odd, tense pause.

Then all of them have erupted into laughter, Missy and then Theo and then Nardole and then Ashildr (who seems to have no idea what is going on or why everyone is so worked up, but as per usual is just rolling with it), and finally, River and Bill.

It feels good. It feels so fucking good.

They're going to be okay. Bill knows this, as she laughs with them all, and as Missy gets up to sit on Theo's lap to start playing with his hair and the game of Scrabble resumes. She knows this because they're fucking unbreakable, no matter what conflict rises and falls.

Let Saxon try his worst, Bill thinks. He's not breaking us.

Chapter Text

Nothing could prepare Bill for the Pyramid Stage.

There’s people as far as she can see, and the noise is truly deafening. It's exhilarating and terrifying all at once; Bill feels as though she is on a greater high than anything brought on by alcohol or weed.

“Hello Glastonbury!” Theo says into the microphone, and gets cheers in response. “Is everybody having a good night?”

“I’m so thrilled to be here, you have no idea,” Bill adds.

“I’m contractually obliged to be here,” Missy drawls, and a wave of laughter goes through the crowd.

Bill wants to look for Star Girl, but doesn’t even know where to begin. There’s so many faces that it’s just a vast ocean almost completely devoid of detail.

They begin their set, and it’s wonderful once Bill just admits defeat and accepts she won’t find Star Girl in the crowd even if she is actually here (which is a substantial ‘if’ given that Bill still isn’t convinced that she actually did see her at their other performance anyway).

It’s phenomenal. It’s like being on top of the world. Bill has never felt more powerful than in these moments, with the crowds enraptured by their performance and screaming for her.

There’s one point where she stops, where she gets a glimpse of dark blonde hair in the front row and can’t help but stare, but a moment later it's gone. While in her mind, it had been Star Girl, she just doesn’t trust herself anymore. She knows her imagination is too fanciful.

River joins them for Hell In High Heels. The crowd goes even more mental and it makes for an incredible finale.

They finally depart the stage out of breath, hearts elated and minds swimming with endorphins. They’re all hugging and laughing and Bill is once again so glad she decided to go to that open mic night where she’d met Theo, even though she’d been tired and almost not gone. She’d not had an issue with being a nobody, but more important than the fame is her friends, the friends she’d have never had otherwise. She’d had friends before, and still talks to them, but not friends like this .

“I love you guys so much,” Bill tells them, wiping at her eyes.

Theo just smiles, and Bill can read his silent mirroring of her words and hugs him tighter.

“Love you too,” Nardole says, cuddling into her side.

Missy kisses her cheek. “Love you too, Pottsie.”

Clara and Ashildr approach them, and Clara is beaming while Ashildr is actually smiling with teeth, which is a real rarity.

“You were brilliant,” Clara says seriously, looking at Theo with a special shining pride but then looking at them all in turn. “That was amazing, honestly.”

“It was very good,” Ashildr adds, nodding.

“Amazing,” River agrees.

There’s a brief pause, the only sound slightly laboured breathing.

“So, drinks?” Missy asks.

No one argues with that.

Bill wakes up to the sound of Missy shouting in Russian, a text from Nardole continuing a passionate debate about breakfast food they had gotten into the previous night while intoxicated, and some alerts from Twitter about one of their online fans posting an apparently awesome ukulele cover of one of their songs. Bill, deciding she doesn’t yet have the energy to deal with the first two things, checks out the video of the cover. It’s awesome and totally brightens her morning.

Bill has just crept into the kitchen to make tea and got the kettle boiling when Theo and Missy emerge from the former’s room, both completely dressed and hands locked together. Missy is giggling girlishly at something he is saying, and he’s smiling at her indulgently as she leans into him.

“Morning,” Bill says, eyebrow up, lips quirking because it’s just nice to see them happy, after everything, but her eyebrow doing something similar because it’s definitely not what she had prepared herself for. “What was all that noise like half an hour ago? Sounded like you wanted to murder someone.”

Missy makes a face. “Oh, that. Nothing for you to worry about, I just need to have some strong words with someone. Affectionately.”

Theo snorts, his eyes warm but exasperated as he looks at her.

“Anyway, morning to you too, Pottsie, didn’t think anyone would be up,” Missy remarks, “how are you? Hungover?”

“Not really,” Bill says with a shrug. “Where are you two off to?”

“A place, with people,” Missy says, lips curling in a deliberately teasing smirk.

Bill lifts her eyebrows. “Wow. One of those,” she says sarcastically. “That sounds wild. Guess I can’t come, then, if you won’t tell me where you’re going.”

“Sorry, Pottsie, not today.”

“It’s fine. I’ll hang with River. If she’s still here.”

“I’m here,” River says, coming out of the bedroom, sunglasses over her eyes and hair a bit more of a mess than usual. “Oh god. Urgh.” She leans on the doorframe and groans. “Remind me, Bill, to never let Missy dare me to do a dozen shots again.”

“But it was really funny,” Missy says emphatically, with a giggle which is more of an evil cackle coming from her.

“The worst part about you being an addict is not being able to challenge you to a drinking competition,” River mutters.

“Moderation is my best friend, unfortunately, I’m as disappointed as you,” Missy replies with a roll of her eyes. “Just not worth the risk,  I’m afraid, even with things that aren’t cocaine.”

“So you and me then, River?” Bill asks. “Want to watch a movie, or-”

“Sorry, darling, I’m going with them,” River says, sounding generally apologetic. “And then I need to head home.” Her hands go to her jacket, as if checking something is there, and she relaxes when she apparently finds whatever she was looking for. “Alright, I’m sorted, are we going?”

“Yes, we are,”Missy says impatiently, “waiting on you, Song.”

“Since when do you, or any of you, actually, care about being punctual? At nine in the morning?” Bill asks, arching an eyebrow.

“Since I do,” Missy replies. “Catch you later, Pottsie. We’ll be back in the evening. Probably late.”

With that, they leave, a weird cheerful comradery shared between the three of them in a way Bill can’t really remember seeing before. They’re not exactly usually a trio of any kind, what with how Missy and River butt heads so much. Well, maybe in a sexual way on occasion, but that’s about it.

“Cool, see ya, then,” Bill murmurs under her breath once they’re gone, having stupid and uncomfortable flashbacks to being in school and watching the other girls planning sleepovers that she isn’t invited to right in front of her. She pushes the thought away with a sigh and a sip of tea, because she knows it's silly, because these people adore her.

But the fact that after everything, there’s still things they’re not telling her and the others… it stings just a bit.

She knocks on Nardole’s door, and after getting invited in, falls into his bed.

“Want to go back to arguing about pancakes vs waffles?” Bill asks him. “That was weirdly fun.”

Nardole shrugs and is quick to oblige her. It somehow turns into a pillow fight. Bill wins.

After a day of movie marathoning with Nardole, since Clashildr are apparently out on a date, Bill pokes her head out of her room when she hears Missy and Theo return in the late evening.

Missy is clearly rather tipsy, singing an energetic version of My Bonnie while Theo sings a little harmony, and he’s twirling her around the tiny living space with an indulgent, warm smile with such a twinkle that suggests he’s had a fair bit of alcohol too.

“Bring back, bring back, oh bring back my bonnie to me, to me,” Missy sings, like she’s a performer on West End and Theo is playing her love interest, and slowing it down gradually. He twirls her again, and she spins into him. “Bring back, bring back my bonnie... to me.”

By the time she finishes the line, it’s almost a whisper, and she’s ended up against Theo’s chest, staring up at him with wide, shining eyes.

There’s something very intimate about it, about their shared gaze in the dim light coming only from the moon outside and a small light at the end of the bus. Bill feels wrong, watching it, but can’t look away either.

“We are doing the right thing, aren’t we?” Missy asks, voice soft. “It doesn’t feel like it, anymore.”

Theo looks at her with uncertain, pained eyes. “Koschei, there’s something I need to-”

“Oh, but whenever I think about the alternative, I just want to be sick,” Missy continues, clearly not really hearing him and just pressing her head into his shirt. “It’s not fair that he still gets to do this.”

“... we’ll work something out,” Theo tells her, arms winding around her tightly. “Because we can’t keep it up. She’s right. River’s right. It isn’t fair, and it isn’t plausible.”

“But what can we do?”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, a rare hopelessness in his eyes, that Bill is glad that Missy can’t see, because it makes her stomach turn. “I don’t know.”

Bill doesn’t know either, doesn’t even know what they don’t know, but she closes the door as quietly as she can and finds it harder to sleep than she would like.

The next day, they’re going to be on Heart To Hart , a late night show popular mainly due to its outlandish host, a charismatic asshole called John Hart who will flirt with anything that moves.

Well, most people call him John Hart, or just Hart. Jack calls him ‘my most annoying boyfriend’.

They’re filming in the afternoon, and planning to go for drinks with Jack’s team later and hopefully be joined by Hart himself once he’s wrapped up final checks with the show before its broadcast in the evening.

“God, you’re an attractive bunch of people,” is the first thing Hart says once they’re on a couch in front of him and the cameras are rolling. He's attractive himself, objectively, with clean cut sandy hair, cheekbones that come close to rivalling Missy's, and deceivingly sharp eyes. “Honestly, this is ridiculous. How do the people who work with you cope? I know your head of security, how does he handle it?”

“Copious amounts of flirting, mostly,” Nardole answers.

Hart grins. “Sounds about right.” He rubs his hands together. “Now. How was Glastonbury? People can’t stop raving about your performance.”

“That night was… so amazing,” Bill says honestly. “I could never in a million years dreamed I’d end up doing anything like that.”

“You know what I love about you, Princess?” Hart asks.

“Don’t call me Princess,” she tells him, making a face.

“Yes ma’am,” he replies without missing a beat, grinning. “You know what I love about you, Bill?”

“What?”

“That you’re so obviously the girl next door. You’re not someone who spent five years being groomed by an industry before you hit it big. You didn’t seek it out, you were found by someone who already had a foot in the door.”

Bill frowns at him. “Your point?”

“My point is, sweetheart, that you’re real, you’re the realest thing in your whole industry,” Hart says intently. “You’re a breath of fresh air, love.”

“Well, thanks,” Bill says, “but for the record, sweetheart and love are also off the table.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Oh yes, how unreasonable for the lesbian to not want a man she’s just met to be so familiar with her,” Theo drawls. “Let’s move on, shall we? I like you, Hart, but Missy will hit you, and I’ll be inclined to not stop her.”

Hart grins at him. “You say that as though I wouldn’t be delighted to have her punch me in the face.”

Bill almost winces at that, the image of Saxon laughing as River hit him flashing through her mind, especially since Saxon and Hart have similarities both in appearance and speech, even if she knows they are very different at the core. Theo and Missy wince a bit for a moment too. 

Hart doesn't notice, and just looks at Missy, an appreciative glint in his eyes. “Seriously, you’re gorgeous and terrifying. Just go for it.”

Missy frowns at him. “You look like you’d enjoy it too much.”

“Well, offer remains on the table,” Hart says, with a shrug, before he moves on. “So, what’s next? Back to America for the rest of your tour? And the VMAs in August?”

“That’s the plan, yeah,” Theo replies.

“When do you leave?”

“A couple of days. Got a fair bit to prepare, and it isn’t easy being away from friends and family for so long, so we need the time to make some house calls.”

“Of course.”

“And give time to let the country prepare to mourn our absence again, of course,” Missy says with a smirk. “It’s felt all around, surely.”

“Possibly just the peace and quiet, for once,” Bill replies, “since the Scottish drama queen is over the ocean.”

“Me? A drama queen?” Missy asks, fluttering her eyelashes and putting a hand to her chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Nardole snorts. “You’re not just a drama queen, babe, the dictionary definition probably just consists of a picture of you. Or has a clip of your sex noises, for academic references.”

Theo facepalms, flushing, while Missy laughs loudly at his audacity and Hart cackles, slapping his knee.

Bill snorts. “He’s got a point, they are pretty ridiculous.”

“You never sounded like you minded too much - ow !” Nardole’s muttering turns into a yelp of pain as Missy’s laughter fades in her throat and she kicks him in the shin with the back of her high heel.

They all stare at him as his slip up dawns on his face, and Bill’s heart beats a little harder in her chest.

Had that been loud enough for the camera to pick up on? Hart had clearly heard, based on how he is now looking at Bill with delighted incredulity.

Bill feels warmth in her cheeks. “I mean it isn’t my favourite background noise but she can do what she likes,” Bill says, technically not lying, but she’s worried the panic might show on her face. She meets Hart’s eyes, and sees the lack of belief there, the amusement. It only makes it worse, knowing that this private thing has just been said and she can’t make it better because she’s no good at this.

He just lifts an eyebrow. “Background noise?”

“Well, obviously,” Bill says, trying to scoff, but her face is so hot, too hot. “I haven’t-” She makes some awkward, helpless hand gestures. “Missy and I aren’t-”

Missy, whose face had been a blank mask until now, sighs and touches her shoulder, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “Hush now, love. Don’t make it worse. We can try to fix this later.”

Bill sighs and bites her lip, choosing to sit tight and say nothing else.

“I think we’re discussed my sex life more than enough now, don’t you think?” Missy asks Hart, with a dangerous look in her eyes that has him swallowing and hurrying to the next question in the list he seems to have in his head.

It’s almost funny to see Missy lay into Nardole once they’re back at the house on Baker St, but it’s not as satisfying as it could be, because the damage is done.

It only takes a matter of hours for #PotsyConfirmed to be trending on Twitter.

@stirmypotsy - oh my god oh my god oh my god

@yikes_lou - we have been blessed by the gay gods today it’s official that Bill Potts has achieved actual god tier gay and had sex with Missy Masters

@crystal_ss - Bill. and Missy. this is too much ashjdkkg

@doctahpants - I have to say, this really isn’t what I expected to be the case out of all the possibilities but also I love it?

@rainbowrosie - wait so was Bill’s song about Missy all along? Or did her and Missy like… become a thing when that didn’t work out?

@girldressedinblack (replying to @rainbowrosie) - I don’t know but while I live for the drama I feel like we should try to respect their privacy? Bill seemed pretty embarrassed, like she didn’t want people to know

@queenbaloo (replying to @girldressedinblack) - I mean maybe it was just sex and that’s why?

@crystal_ss (replying to @queenbaloo) - that could make sense but I’m not going to speculate, it’s not our business

@spaceacepupper (replying to @crystal_ss) - agreed , no matter how intriguing this all is

“I don’t know whether to be relieved that out of everything, the relationship they now think is real happens to be one of the only ones that isn’t, or whether to be furious on your behalf.”

Bill glances at Missy, who is sitting in the lounge window seat with tea in her hands, eyes watching a butterfly in the garden that blocks the street from the windows.

“Furious? It’s not that bad, is it?” Bill asks. “I’m thinking I just tweet that you and I aren’t a couple, and leave it at that. Neither confirm or deny the sex thing but deny a relationship, at least.”

“You can if you like, but at this point I doubt they’d believe you,” Missy replies. She sighs, with a funny sort of fondness in her eyes. “I’ve always loved what a terrible poker face you have, you know. Might have helped you last night, though.”

“It’s not the biggest disaster even if they don’t believe me,” Bill says, shrugging.

“But your girl,” Missy says, frowning at her like she’s missing the obvious, “we can’t have her thinking you’re dating me , she’ll have a monogamy related assumption in there which means she’ll be discouraged, partially if not entirely.”

Bill snorts. “My girl? Let’s face it, I’m kidding myself. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure I never even saw her at Glastonbury. It was my own stupid wishful thinking. Like, god, I’ve had so many fucking dreams about her turning up in one of our audiences that honestly, it’s all a blur. I think about when I thought I saw her at Glastonbury and I can’t tell it apart from any of those dreams.”

She stops, surprised at herself, and feels hollow in her chest. She doesn’t know when she’d given up, but she had.

Bill is used to having to just accept her lot in life, whatever it might be. She’ll try and make the best of it, always, but she’s not one to argue with the universe, generally.

Missy looks at her with a pained expression. “Don’t say that. You don’t get to give up. Not you .”

“Why not?” Bill asks, laughing a little, almost hysterically, and without humour. “It’s true. Thinking I could fall for some girl in a crowd and have it work out? What did we think this is? That stuff doesn’t actually happen, because it’s insane. It’s impossible. So why shouldn’t I accept that I’ve been beyond deluded about this?”

“Firstly, because I won’t stand for you talking down to yourself like that,” Missy says firmly. “And secondly-” She falters, and she takes a sip of her tea, her hand not quite steady. She bites her lip. “God, I just needed something to hope for. Something impossible and wonderful. Something that could make me see the world like you and Thete see it.”

Bill feels like an idiot. Of course this is bigger than just her.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” she says, “I never - I just really don’t think she was ever there, after San Diego. I messed it up or she ran out of money, or whatever. That’s it.”

“Well, it is crap, and disappointing as all hell,” Missy replies. “What kind of fucking love story is that?”

“A realistic one?”

“Well, it’s pants.”

Later in the day, to help take their mind off of the #PotsyConfirmed issue - the internet is beyond impossible at this point and is just a no go zone for a while - the band go out for drinks with Jack and the security team. Hart has apparently been held up and won’t be able to join them tonight, which only Jack and Nardole seem in any way disappointed by, and in the case of the former, not much.

Bill always thinks it’s a shame that she often doesn’t see a lot the Torchwood Security team out and about, since Tosh especially does more work behind the scenes. They’re her favourite group of raging bisexuals.

There’s Ianto Jones, one of Jack’s boyfriends (and possibly his… main one? Bill isn’t sure of the details), an adorable Welshman who looks good in a suit and makes killer coffee. There’s Gwen Cooper, a dark haired beauty and sweetheart and married mother of one who could probably kill a man. Owen Harper is your typical cynical white male who has been able to get along making jokes and being an asshole his whole life, because he’s good at what he does, but some of his jokes are pretty funny when they’re not cruel, so Bill will give him that. She isn’t sure why she sort of likes him, but she does. And finally there’s Toshiko Sato, the absolute cutest and sweetest computer nerd ever.

Tosh is so cute that it isn’t fair. She always blushes a little under Bill’s obvious attention and gives Bill a little smile. If they weren’t both stupidly infatuated with other people, Bill might have asked her out by now.

It’s a shame Tosh has such a thing for Owen, walking embodiment of the word ‘tosser’, really. At least Bill does get the impression he likes her back, even if he doesn’t seem to have realised yet.

Still, Tosh is good for a good flirt, as is Gwen, and that’s something.

“No, seriously we don’t tell you lot ‘bout half the weird things your fans try to pull,” Gwen assures the band.

“Oh yeah, like what?”

“Well, there’s Theo’s algae boyfriend,” Ianto says, “he’s rather sweet. He’s started bringing me vegan cupcakes as an attempt at bribery. They’re pretty good, actually.”

“He’s not my-” Theo goes pink. “He’s sweet, really. He sends me a lot of letters. Actual, proper letters. He has atrocious handwriting but he puts little snacks in there too-”

“I know he’s sweet, that’s why I never let Owen kick his arse,” Ianto replies.

“You’re a slut for snacks, he’s found the way to your heart,” Missy says to Theo, patting his chest, and he rolls his eyes and has another sip of his scotch.  

Missy is only drinking mocktails and water, since she has a policy about not letting herself partake in any alcohol or weed two days in a row, given her history. Bill has to admire how firmly she sticks to it.

“God, even just at Glastonbury the other day, I had some nutter of a girl try and tell me she had to talk to Bill, because she sort of knew her and needed to see her,” Owen says, shaking his head, “seemed to think I should know who she was, that was the weirder bit. Kept pointing at her eye.”

Everyone at the table goes dead silent as they all stare at Owen, who doesn’t seem to find this odd, and actually just seems pleased to finally have all the attention.

“Which, granted, was a weird looking eye,” he continues, shaking his head, “but I dunno why she thought that was a proper thing, I had to tell her to fuck off because it looked like she was going to start crying and I wasn’t having that. Like, god, we have meet and greets for a reason.”

The silence amongst the others persists once he stops talking, a couple of them glancing at each other to check that yes, they had indeed all heard the same thing.

“... please tell me you’re joking,” Ianto says flatly.

Owen frowns, finally getting a better feeling for the table’s atmosphere, apparently, as he looks at them all. “No. Why, should I be?”

Bill feels like she can feel her pounding heart in her ears. “I - I can’t-”

“Are you seriously telling me that the girl, the girl , a girl who was obviously the girl , actually tried to get to Bill and you turned her away?” Jack asks with disbelief.

“Oh,” Owen says, blinking, and then getting a sheepish look on his face. “Oh yeah, there has been that whole thing about a girl, hasn’t there? I don’t know much about it-”

“How could you not, it’s all we’ve been talking about! The girl with the star in her eye,” Tosh says.

Owen groans. “Ah. Shit. Yeah, she did have a star in her eye, that was what was weird about it. That was a thing? I never… actually listened to the song.” He looks at Bill. “Sorry, I’m a twat. And a bloody clueless one at that, apparently.”

“No kidding,” Tosh mutters.  

Bill is shaking, but she doesn’t know if she’s upset or furious or just done with the universe playing cruel jokes on her. Star Girl had really been there. Bill hadn’t imagined it, or confused it with a dream, she had really been there, if only fleetingly. Except… not fleetingly, because Star Girl tried to get to her.

Star Girl had tried to get to her, and was almost in tears, and got told to fuck off.

It’s so horrible that Bill gets a bad taste in her mouth.

“You are so lucky I’m stuck on the other side of this booth and I can’t kick your arse right now, oh my god,” Bill tells Owen. Tears spring to her eyes and she wipes at them quickly, embarrassed.

“Shit, Bill, I’m sorry,” Owen says to her, looking genuinely remorseful and like he wants to punch himself. “God, I’m such a twat.”

“It’s okay,” Bill says weakly. “You didn’t know.”

“You should have known,” Gwen tells him, whacking him on the arm. “For god’s sake, Owen, there are enough lesbian tragedies around without you adding to the pile.”

Bill and Tosh choke on their drinks and erupt into helpless laughter, and it makes Bill feel a lot better. Once they calm down, Tosh clasps Bill’s hand and gives it a squeeze.

“I’m sure you’ll find her eventually,” Tosh tells her sincerely, with a little encouraging smile, “she’s looking for you too. We know that now.”

“Next meet and greet, surely,” Owen chips in, clearly trying to compensate.

“We can only hope,” Nardole says. “She’s never come to one before.”

“But we did cancel the only one we’ve had since when we now know she tried to get to Bill,” Missy says, and looks like she feels a bit bad about it. “I’m sorry, Pottsie, that one was on us.”

“No, it was on Saxon,” Bill says darkly. “Don’t even start. There wasn’t even a choice.”

Something else occurs to her.

“Oh god, Missy, but now you’re right,” Bill realises, with horror, and she groans and buries her face in her hands on the table because she’s so tired of all this nonsense. “She’s going to think that you and I - because of that interview-”

“Sorry,” Nardole says quickly, wincing horribly, “I am also a twat. A stupid, careless-”

“That’s not helping,” Theo tells him, sighing. “It was an accident, Nardole. It happens.”

“You call me stupid all the time-”

“That’s just me being a twat-”

“Oh my god, so you’re all twats, then, does it matter?” Gwen says loudly, earning some weird looks from the other booths that are thankfully too far away to see that theirs house a bunch of celebrities. “This isn’t a fucking competition. It’s a clusterfuck of mistakes, obviously, but dealing out blame isn’t helping anyone. Just move on and find a solution, yeah? Jesus fucking Christ.”

She sits back in her seat, stares at them all with disbelief, and chugs half of her beer. Tosh looks at her with admiration and gives a little nod.

“What she said,” she says cheerfully. “You’ll manage to work it out, I’m sure.”

“ I hope so,” Bill says. “God, I hope so.”

It’s hard to be hopeful, really, with how much of a rollercoaster she’s been on in the last few days. But with Tosh squeezing her hand and looking at her with such belief, and the quiet determination in the eyes of her bandmates, she feels a spark.

Maybe a spark of hope is all it takes.

Chapter Text

"I don't trust this."

They're all having breakfast, and look at Missy, who had spoken. She's sitting there, staring at something indeterminate behind Theo's head, her fork full of waffle but not far above her plate.

"Trust what?" Nardole asks.

"Nothing's happened."

Bill looks at her with utter disbelief. "You call the last couple of days nothing-"

"No, that's just what I mean," Missy replies, frowning at her, eyes finally moving to focus on them each in turn. "Saxon. Kovarian too, but especially Saxon. He took a serious beating, and so far he's done nothing to retaliate."

"It's only been a couple of days-"

"It's never taken him longer than that, unless he's planning something truly awful," Missy snaps. "The only time he has patience is when he knows the pay off is absolutely worth it."

Theo looks down at his plate and swallows, pushing his plate away from him, having apparently lost his appetite. His face is difficult to read. He gets out his phone and sends a quick text message before locking the screen again.

Missy lifts an eyebrow at him.

"Small precaution, since you have a point," he says.

"Who-" Missy brushes her confusion aside, apparently deciding it doesn't matter. "I'm just saying, I think we should all be careful. We know he's worked with Kovarian, and I hate to think of what that alliance could achieve."

Something flashes through Theo's eyes, some kind of understanding, before it's gone. He sighs.

"Did we have plans today?" he asks.

"You were going to see your wife, I believe?"

"I want to go and see my parents."

It's hard to be sure exactly what has Theo so intent on seeing his parents, after months of not doing so even when Max had tried to guilt trip him about it, but Bill isn't going to complain about finally getting to meet the people responsible for bringing him into the world.

It's a few hours drive north of London, and they take Missy's car, which Bill has only ever ridden in once before. It's old and smells like it but is surprisingly clean, and accommodates the four of them easily enough. The car is old enough to still have a cassette player, and so the music selection is limited and there's not much from this century, but the choices are good and they end up having a grand time all singing along together.

Finally they arrive in a tiny village with a name that Bill can't even pronounce, and the car stops outside a modest cottage with a blue door and an extensive garden.

In said garden, a couple in their eighties are having some kind of argument. There's a lot of emphatic gesturing to the beds of petunias next to them, but Bill for the life of her can't work out what kind of problem could inspire such passionate dispute.

They both look at the car as it approaches, and Bill sees the woman's face light up as she starts immediately running towards them.

"Theo!" she exclaims, as they get out of the car and Theo steps towards her. "My Theo, oh-"

She's wrapped him in a crushing hug - she looks surprisingly strong, for someone her age, she's spry for sure - and seems so overjoyed that there's a tear or two shining in her eyes.

Theo hugs her back, almost choking at the force of it but closing his eyes and giving it his all.

"Hello, mum," he murmurs, "sorry I've been away so long."

"As you should be," say his father, who has by this point approached them and is now looking at him with half-hearted disapproval. "I know you're rather busy off being famous with that bloody guitar of yours, but that doesn't mean that-"

Before he can get any further, Theo has moved to hug him tightly, and the older man cuts off with a little huff before he's hugging Theo back, smile tugging at his lips.

"Missed you too, Dad," Theo tells him genuinely.

His father coughs as he is released, looking a bit sheepish, and as though he'd rather like to continue scolding him but can't find the grounds for it.

"Yes, well. Good."

Theo steps back and looks at Bill and Nardole with a smile. There's something more peaceful in him already, and more youthful, perhaps.

"Mum, Dad, this is Bill and Nardole. Bill, Nardole, this is my mother, Idris, and-"

"Edwin Warwick Smith, the ninth," his father interrupts, primly, making Theo roll his eyes.

Edwin has cropped grey hair and dark proud eyes, his facial hair almost unkempt around his mouth and chin and yet somehow not at all diminishing his air of regality. Perhaps it is his voice, gravelly and comforting and with a kind of natural authority.

Idris, meanwhile, has a more eccentric look to her. Her grey hair is piled onto her head and hanging in strange strands, while her dress - perhaps once rather nice, and probably originally entirely green - is patched up with mismatching colours and fabrics. Her feet are bare.

There's something about her eyes, dark and warm but utterly piercing, like she can see into Bill with one glance and know everything there is to know. From anyone else, it would be entirely unnerving. As it is, Bill just gives her an uncertain smile, and Idris gives her a wide, welcoming one.

"And Miss Missy, of course," Idris remarks, her eyes falling onto Missy. "My little Missy has come home too."

"Yes, I'm here," Missy says, voice much softer than Bill had expected, lurching forward on her heels, eyes earnest. "I'm here, Idris. Hello." Idris pulls her into a hug a bit more forgiving than the one she had given Theo. Missy hugs her back hard, eyes shut and lip shaking for just a moment. "God, it's been too long, I'm sorry I haven't dragged us back here more often."

"Don't be silly, you're both busy busy busy, can't be helped," Idris says offhandedly as they let go of each other, and she brushes imaginary dirt from Missy's clothes. "We're never much different anyway."

"Just ever more grey," Edwin adds with a wry smile. "Come on, you lot, might as well come inside and out of this grey weather."

So they go inside and sit around the dining room table with cups of tea, and the house is somehow more or less what Bill had expected - full of strange trinkets, not an absolute mess but not looking like it has ever been properly tidy either, and having an indescribable sense of sanctuary to it.

It feels like nothing bad could happen here.

"So, how is that charming wife of yours?" Edwin asks Theo. "Incorrigible as ever?"

"Does he like his women any other way?" Nardole remarks, and Missy's lips spread in a cat-like grin as she sips at her coffee.

Edwin laughs. "A fair point. A trait we share, I think." His gaze flicks to Idris, who snorts and ruffles his hair.

"I'm making sure to get that in writing, that you like it," she tells him smugly, and he rolls his eyes but can't quell the little curl to his lips.

"You guys are so cute," Bill can't stop herself from saying.

Edwin lifts his chin, with a hint of pride. "Oh, we know. It's taken us a good sixty five years, but we've gotten there eventually."

"Please, you were making all the other parents green with envy when we were in school, because it was so obvious how besotted you were with each other," Theo says.

Idris considers this. "Hmm. Our son has a point, thief."

"Thief?" Nardole asks.

"He's my thief," Idris says with absent fondness, hand combing over Edwin's hair as she stands behind him. "Has been since the day I met him."

"Because he stole your heart," Missy drawls, in the tone of someone who has heard the story a hundred times before. Despite this, her eyes are still rather warm as she regards them.

"Wow," Bill says, at how cheesy it is, and how much she doesn't care because it's adorable.

"And because he stole her purse," Theo adds, rolling his eyes.

"It was a dare!" Edwin says defensively.

Theo scoffs. "From yourself."

"It was a more original way of getting her attention, and it worked, didn't it?" Edwin sniffs, arching an eyebrow at him and looking so indignant that Bill falls into helpless giggles, and Missy's lips twitch as well.

Idris bends to kiss his cheek. "That it did, darling."

Bill is examining the wall of bookshelves in the cottage's living room when she starts upon hearing Idris approach.

"God, you're not half sneaky, are you?" Bill exclaims.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Idris says, biting her lip. "I'm not always - social etiquette is rather beyond me, often. Has been my whole life, my brain can't quite… compute it."

"It's alright, honestly," Bill says with a little smile. "Thanks for being okay with Theo randomly bringing me and Nardole to your like, reunion. I feel like I'm intruding, a bit. Just on principle, mind, not because of you and Edwin."

"Oh, I've always liked meeting Theo's friends," Idris says earnestly. "And there's something about how he talks about you - he's so fond of you, I can tell. Especially so." An odd look crosses her face. "It's almost like-"

"Like what?"

"I'd always hoped Theo might have children," Idris admits, "not just for our sake - Max gave us the one grandchild we do have, and she's delightful, and it's ridiculous that anyone feels their children owe them anything. But I've always thought he would be such a wonderful father, don't you?"

Bill's throat feels tight. "Yeah. Yeah, I reckon you're right."

"I think you might be the closest he'll ever come to it," Idris continues, giving her a little smile. "And I'm glad that the two of you have each other, at least. He's told me how you never knew your parents."

"No," Bill replies, "but the family I've got now more than makes up for it. Theo is… yeah." There's a lump in her throat. "Like you say."

Idris smiles, and looks out the window to where Theo and Edwin are playing chess in the garden while Missy and Nardole watch and eat scones.

"He's a good boy, my Theo," Idris says softly, eyes sparkling. A moment later, she sighs. "I wish he would feel as though he could tell me anything."

Bill frowns. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I never met that dreadful Saxon man, you know," Idris tells her, her lips tightening. "Theo later told us that he'd been worried we wouldn't like him. That we wouldn't understand why he did. By then he'd realised what a red flag that had been. Of course it was, it is, always will be, but even now, even now - I can see in his eyes, that same look still. That he's not telling me something, and he knows he should."

"Yeah, I get that too," Bill says with a sigh. "I just… I just have to trust that he knows what he's doing."

"You'll look after him for me? Will you? Him and Missy, both of them, please?" Idris asks. "They have each other, but they're as silly and reckless as each other too, always have been, always will be, always, always, always-"

She trails off, looking a bit lost.

"I don't know," Idris whispers. "I've never been much good with people. Not even my own children, really. Only Edwin. Only ever Edwin."

Bill puts her hand on her arm. "Hey, it's alright. People are tricky." She looks Idris in the eye. "I promise I'll look after them. I'd never let anything happen to them, I promise. They're my family too."

Idris nods, something rather absent in her expression, but there's a flicker of relief in there as she touches Bill's face for a moment. Then she wanders off without another word.

Bill wonders about whether it would be appropriate to at some point ask Theo if he knows what kind of neurodivergency affects his mother. Perhaps not. It's not as if it matters - she likes Idris immensely, no matter how peculiar some of her behaviour and speech is.

When they eventually leave, it's with big hugs and Theo promising to not leave it so long before his next visit.

"Better?" Missy asks Theo as they begin driving away.

"Yeah," he says, with a deep exhale, and it seems to be honest enough, but there's an odd guilt in his eyes that Bill can see in the rear view mirror.

He's not telling me something.

Bill meets his eyes and he looks back to the road in front of him a moment later.

They arrive at River's mansion in the evening, and are greeted with a lot of hugs there too, from River and Helen and Liv. Helen especially seems delighted about their presence, hugging Bill extra tight.

"Sorry about the change in plans today," Theo says to River.

River smiles at him. "Don't be. I'm glad you went to see them, I know they've been missing you."

"What are his parents like, anyway?" Helen asks Bill, and Liv, who is next to her, seems similarly interested in the answer to the question.

"I don't know what I expected, but somehow like, exactly what makes sense," Bill replies. "His dad is all stuffy but like… twinkly, you know? And his mum is a bit… well, I dunno, she's a bit weird, but in a nice way, mostly."

"Sounds about right," Liv says.

Helen looks at Bill curiously. "How are you doing? I know things aren't ideal, what with everyone knowing about your… dalliance with Missy."

"I'm staying away from the internet, or at least Twitter, so I've no idea, to be honest," Bill admits. "I just… I can't deal with all that. Maybe that's what I get, for going along with our stupid teasing for so long. People were always gonna react like this when we inevitably slipped up."

"And your girl?"

Bill just shrugs. "I dunno. I just… I dunno. I guess I'll see if she turns up anywhere. Can't do much more than that, at this point, since I've tweeted that me and Missy aren't in a relationship and people don't seem to believe me."

"Fair enough," Liv says, nodding. "I hope you find her."

"Yeah, me too," Bill says, with a helpless little laugh. "This is getting ridiculous."

Helen puts a hand on her shoulder and gives her a warm, encouraging smile. "You'll find her. I just know it. I have a good feeling about it."

"Well, if there's anything I trust, it's lesbian intuition," Bill laughs. "Maybe I have got a chance after all."

"That's the spirit," Liv remarks, with amusement.

One day, Bill might wake up to something other than the sound of Missy shouting.

There's something different about it today. It's not as loud, only waking Bill up because it's so close, but it's more than just annoyance or random petty anger.

It sounds like fury. Dangerous, unleashed fury.

Bill is out of bed as quick as she can, and out of her room into the small courtyard that all the guest bedrooms are off. Across the way, she manages to see Missy, to see what is going on, and it makes Bill's heart beat a little faster with worry.

Missy has River pinned against a wall and is ripping into her.

Bill runs right for them.

"I trusted you," Missy is seething, pressing her arm against River's throat, making the other woman gasp for air just a little. "I didn't want to, but Theo promised, and you promised, and so, god help me, against my better judgement, I trusted you. And now I'm going to fucking destroy you-"

"It wasn't me," River is insisting desperately, voice a tiny bit hoarse, her eyes flashing with indignation and injustice, "for god's sake, Missy, why would I-"

"It had to be!" Missy shouts, voice cracking, and the closer Bill gets, the more that she can see just how much Missy is shaking, how utterly terrifying she is in her rage. "No one else knew, no one but us and them, so it had to be you, Song. If it wasn't you, then you blabbed to your little girlfriend and she got loose lipped, I don't know, but no matter how it happened, it is your fault-"

"Missy!" Theo shouts as he approaches, voice alarmed and sharp. "Missy, get away from her-"

"No," Missy snarls, "have you seen the article, she's opened her mouth and-"

"I didn't," River insists, scowling at her, looking beyond hurt that Missy is accusing her of this, but also increasingly angry, "and I never told my little girlfriend, because I fucking promised you both, and I took that as seriously as I've ever taken anything, so don't you dare, don't you dare-"

River is actually almost in tears now, her eyes shining at the injustice of whatever the hell this accusation is.

Theo's phone rings in the midst of all of this, and he frowns at the screen. "Not now, Jack," he mutters, declining the call. It starts ringing again a moment later, but he ignores it.

"What the hell is going on?" Bill asks.

"Oh, google my name and you'll find out soon enough," Missy says, barely glancing at her, too focused on her to do anything else.

Bill, now more confused than ever, gets out her phone and starts doing just that.

"Use your fucking head, Missy, the article is by Kovarian, why the hell would I do anything for her?" River asks incredulously. "Listen to yourself, you're so busy being angry you're not making any sense-"

"Well, it wasn't John and Emil, and no one else knows, so it had to be you," Missy insists, though she looks a bit more lost, a bit thrown, at River's words. She gets back up in River's face. "I don't know why, but it was, it's the only thing that makes sense-"

"He knows." Theo's voice is quiet.

"What?" Missy asks almost absently, still busy glaring at River.

"It wasn't her, Missy," Theo murmurs, voice pained. "He knows. Harry knows. It would have been him - we already know he and Kovarian seem to be working together in some respect."

Missy takes a step back, staring at him like he'd just slapped her across the face, like she doesn't even know him.

"No, he can't know," she says, voice soft and eyes disorientated, full of disbelief and confusion. "He didn't-"

Theo finally picks up his phone, which has been ringing all the while, and puts it on speaker, the picture of frustration.

"Jack, seriously, not now-"

"Doc, do you think I would keep calling if it wasn't serious? Someone's in the mansion, they got past me, I wasn't able to get a good look but can you just get inside a room and lock the door until I catch up to-"

Theo hangs up, his eyes focused on something behind Bill, his expression as impossible to read as ever. Missy follows his gaze, and dismay fills her features. River's eyes are wide.

Bill, hearing the footsteps coming up behind her, whirls around, heart hammering in her chest. She'd just found the article, but hadn't even be able to get a look at the full title before it had become second priority.

She'd been expecting Saxon, or his bodyguard. Or something equally ominous. Maybe she doesn't know what she'd been expecting.

The one thing that Bill had definitely not been expecting to see is the teenage girl with a mass of dark curly hair and blue eyes alight with a powerful fire, staring at them all with a peculiar mix of triumph and anger.

Bill, an odd feeling in her chest, looks down at the article on her phone.

Renegade Baby: Masters' Secret Pregnancy Reason For Split? (Insider source tells all!) - Maeve Kovarian

Bill looks up at the girl in front of her with disbelief. The girl who, sure enough, looks about eighteen years old, more or less.

"Charlie," Missy whispers, "what are you - you can't be here-"

"Actually, Mum, I think you'll find I can, since apparently the whole world has just been told about my existence anyway," the girl replies, crossing her arms.

River looks at her with pained exasperation. "That doesn't mean you should do something this reckless-"

"The article doesn't have anything concrete, we could have passed it off as speculation," Theo interrupts, frowning at the teenager intensely, but Bill can see the worry in his face. "You can't just-"

"Oh, you are so done telling me what I can and can't do," Charlie tells him, scowling. "Now, I have a question, and I want the truth. God help me, I want the fucking truth."

Missy and Theo exchange worried, but confused, looks.

Charlie swallows hard.

"Why is Harry Saxon trying to tell me that he's my dad?"

Chapter Text

Renegade Baby: Masters' Secret Pregnancy Reason For Split?

by Maeve Kovarian, for Silence Media

For over eighteen years, the general public of Britain, or at least those who have ever had at least a mildly friendly relationship with their radio, have wondered what caused the demise of vastly popular rock band The Renegades. Given the refusal to shed any light on it from all three members, though some more than others, many have given up on any kind of answer.

Now, however, someone very close to Smith and Masters has let slip some intriguing new information.

Both Theodore Smith and Melissa "Missy" Masters went rather quiet after the band's split, with Masters especially more or less not seen in the public eye at all for over six months afterwards.

According to the inside source, Masters was pregnant. Whether the baby was Saxon's or Smith's, it is impossible to say, but definitely one or the other, which comes as no real surprise to anyone even remotely familiar with the band.

With this possible lead into an intriguing secret of one of the country's most well known celebrities of that decade and now our current one, deeper research led to, perhaps unsurprisingly, Masters' infamous fleeting cocaine bender and long rehab spell.

Confirmation of this suspicion came from a brief interview with Frederick Chang, a once long-term patient of 3W, the same drug rehabilitation clinic where Masters was also a patient, a bit over a year after the break up of the Renegades. Chang, apparently the only friend that Masters made while in the clinic for the first time (Masters would return a few years later), recalls a singular instance of Masters mentioning her baby, only to deny it later. Chang maintains certainty that the instance was a slip up revealing the truth she so clearly was determined to hide from the world.

If this is the case, it may explain why no one has seen so much as a glimpse of any such possible child, over the years.

It does however, raise some questions: where is this child now, and exactly what has Masters been trying to hide along with him/her?

Chapter Text

In any other situation, the sheer shock on Missy and Theo's faces might have been funny. As it is, Bill feels terribly worried watching the face journey that both of them take from shock to confusion to fear to powerful nausea.

Bill's mind can barely keep up. She's had about two seconds to process the fact that Missy apparently has a child she's kept secret, and now she has to process the fact that it might not be Theo's. That it could actually, just as easily, have been Saxon's.

Bill feels ill.

Why is Harry Saxon trying to tell me that he's my dad?

The words hang in the air between them all, thick and ominous and accusing.

"He what," Missy finally says, flatly.

Charlie (Bill is mostly sure she heard the name right) lifts her chin. "You heard me. He found me. I think it might be because I tweeted about going to the royal ballet - I guess he figured out what my twitter is-"

"Well, it's no wonder, with you posting that video of yourself singing our song with that damned ukulele," Missy snaps at her.

"You couldn't see my face properly, are we really going to have this argument again?" Charlie retorts.

Bill, squinting at Charlie and realising that sure enough she does match up to the partially obscured figure in the ukulele cover video she'd liked so much, and that the cover had been posted the same morning Missy had been having a screaming fit, mutters 'oh shit' under her breath.

"It doesn't matter now," Charlie continues, "what matters is that last night, me and my-" She bites her tongue for a moment. "I was with a friend, and we walked out, and he was just there, waiting for me, beckoning me over. I'm so lucky that my friend only listens to weird reggae and classical music and didn't recognise him."

Theo looks at her, stricken. "He - he physically found you?"

Missy is saying nothing, but her hands are shaking, and she looks ready to hunt Saxon down and commit gruesome murder that Bill wouldn't be able to fault her for, at this point. River's expression is unnervingly similar.

"Yeah," Charlie says, swallowing and crossing her arms over her chest uncomfortably. "I almost just bolted for it, but I went over, you know, if only so I could maybe punch him in his stupid round face-"

"Charlie-"

"But then before I could do anything other than ask him what the fuck he was doing there, he started going on about the article about to be released, how he was worried about me, that it was inevitable people would find out who I am, and telling me to be careful. When I asked him why he cared enough to track me down, he… he told me it's because he's my dad. Not you."

She's looking at Theo now, conflicted and hesitant and apologetic and demanding all at once.

Theo, who is staring at her with horror.

"I'm going to kill him," Missy whispers.

"He's lying," River says immediately, finally able to get away from Missy and step forward. "Darling, you must know he's lying, I've told you that you can't trust him-"

"I'm not saying I believe him just like that, I'm not an idiot," Charlie snaps, "but I'm also not so much of an idiot to believe it isn't possible. Mum was with both of them, so it must be-"

"Oh for - use your eyes, kit, you couldn't be more of a hybrid of your father and I if you tried," Missy tells her sharply, her shock giving way into a strange, cold anger. "That's part of why we've had to keep you so secret, for god's sake, because if you were ever seen standing next to us, you look just like me, except you have your father's curls. And shoulders."

Bill has to admit she has a point there. Charlie has Missy's stark cheekbones and piercing blue eyes, but the dark mass of hair around her face and down her back has the wild curls that undoubtedly belong to Theo.

Some of the weight on Bill's chest lessens.

Charlie grits her teeth. "You're going to have to do better than that."

"You're right, it was absolutely possible that he could have been your father," Theo tells her reluctantly, closing his eyes for a moment, and Missy almost winces. "At first, we had no way of knowing."

"Worst couple of months of my life, not knowing," Missy says, voice so very soft. "But then we were able to get a test. And you're not his. You'll never, ever be his, in any way at all."

"You're ours, kit, I promise," Theo tells Charlie, voice firm but quiet, eyes solemn.

Charlie nods, all at once looking on the verge of tears. "Okay." She swallows. "Okay, I just… I had to be sure."

With that, she throws herself into Theo's arms and he holds her tight, burying his face in her dark hair. Missy watches them with a stony expression, while River has a soft, relieved smile on her lips.

"Makes way more sense this way, anyway, him knowing about the article in advance," Charlie murmurs, "I know he's the worst, I knew he was almost definitely full of shit, but I had to be sure-"

"I know, kit, I know," Theo tells her. "It's alright."

Finally, they let go, and Charlie looks at Bill properly for the first time, and gets an odd, almost giddy smile on her face.

"Hey, Bill," she says, before laughing a bit. "Sorry. Not really the first impression I wanted to make. Top points for dramatic execution though, huh?"

"I mean, yeah, I'll give you that," Bill says, a bit taken aback about finally being in the conversation after being an awkward spectator to weird family drama. It's also a relief, though, to finally feel like she can speak.

"God, I've wanted to meet you for so long now," Charlie continues, "but the whole being forced to live secretly in a shoebox thing really got in the way-"

Missy makes an odd, derisive noise. They look at her, and that same cold, barely controlled expression is back on her face.

"Yes?" Charlie asks, with more attitude in one word than Bill would normally dare to give Missy in a whole paragraph.

"How long have you known?" Missy asks Theo, without quite looking at him, her eyes still on Charlie, voice in her low, dangerous register. "How long have you known that Harry knew about our daughter?"

"Since the interview," Theo says quietly. "It's what he whispered to me, at the end. He said say hello to Charlie for me."

Charlie purses her lips, losing a shade of colour in her face. River certainly looks paler too, at that, but has a look of understanding her eyes that Bill can relate to - finally, they know what had thrown him so, and why.

"And why, may I ask, did you not feel that this was information I deserved to know?" Missy continues, now looking at him, body shaking, eyes alight with cold fire. "Given that most of the reason we've kept her such a deadly secret is so that he would never know she exists?"

"I meant to, I wanted to," Theo says, swallowing, looking so lost that Bill just wants to hug him, protect him from Missy's piercing interrogation. "But you were already so - you were so close to breaking, Missy, and so was I. I couldn't - I was still in denial, I couldn't tell you or that would make it real, and neither of us would have been able to handle it-"

"You don't get to decide what I can't handle!" Missy snarls. "I'm her mother, I'm the one that-"

"God, does it matter now?" Charlie interrupts. "Stop yelling at each other when we can't change anything, he knows, and now you know that he knows, and soon the whole world will know-"

"They certainly will, if you keep up your currently fantastically stupid behaviour," Missy snaps at her, "don't get me started, Charlotte, on what you've just pulled, now and in the last week, because if I get my way your uncle is never going to let you out of his sight again in his life-"

"For god's sake, Missy, she's not ten years old anymore, you can't treat her like a child," River tries to say.

"Don't you dare tell me one more thing about what to do with my daughter, Song, or I'll sew your mouth shut once and for all-"

"Daughter?"

The three shouting women fall quiet, and they turn with Theo and Bill to see Nardole, Helen and Liv standing a few metres off, looking utterly bemused. Nardole had been the one to speak.

"What the hell is going on?" Liv asks.

Charlie meets Missy's eyes for a moment, a stubborn glint in her own, and Missy scowls and opens her mouth, reaching for her wrist. Charlie, however, is too quick and she turns to the newcomers and flashes them a smirk.

"Hi. Sorry. So basically, these two have had a secret kid this whole time, and it's me," Charlie says to them, with a little flourish to her gesture towards her parents and then herself. "Charlie Masters-Smith. And you're Helen, Liv, and Nardole - god it's so weird to actually see you in the flesh. Good weird, though."

She's grinning again by the end, her eyes shining, voice now properly giddy as the three of them all stare at her with similar but slightly varying expressions of disbelief and bewilderment on their faces.

Helen, to her credit, only lifts her eyebrows and says, "Oh."

Liv, meanwhile, takes a moment longer, before incredulously going, "I'm sorry?"

Nardole - with a large frown creasing his brow - looks from Charlie to Missy to Theo to Bill, the latter of whom gives him a helpless shrug and a look that hopefully says I dunno, man, apparently!

"Nope, nope, that's just not going in," Nardole says, shaking his head. "That absolutely will not code properly into my brain." He keeps frowning at Charlie, like he might be able to change that and make her make sense somehow.

Bill takes this chance to look at Missy, whose gaze has settled on Charlie after briefly moving around them all.

"You and me, my room, right now," Missy says to her daughter, voice flat.

Charlie lifts an eyebrow. "No. If you want to yell at me, you can do it here." She crosses her arms, but her expression softens a fraction. "I'm not going to apologising for doing this, or for being here. The article might not have outed me, but it's made it inevitable in the end, and I'm tired, Mum. God, I'm so fucking tired of not existing-"

"Now you're just being melodramatic," Missy snaps.

When Charlie laughs, the humour is gone and it's as bitter as the coffee Missy drinks - so much so that it induces near choking in anyone else's throat.

"Am I?" Charlie asks. "My own grandparents don't know I exist. And you know, it's great that Bill's got this cute thing going on with Dad, but seeing and hearing all that 'closest thing he has to a daughter' shit over all those damn magazines and from anyone who knows you guys? You think that never stung, just a bit?"

Bill swallows. She can't feel bad, really, since she'd had no way of knowing, but god, she can see where Charlie is coming from.

"I don't-" Charlie looks at Bill, and then her father. "I'm not mad about that, I think you guys are super cute and I love it. But you get what I mean."

"Totally," Bill says, trying to look as sympathetic as possible. "I'm sorry."

"And it's not just that," Charlie says, looking directly at her parents now. "Aren't you guys tired of all the lying? I'm tired of lying to the four friends I actually miraculously have, I'm tired of not being able to know my own family, of them not even-"

Her voice catches in her throat.

"I'm eighteen now," she says slowly, steeling herself. "I get why you kept me a secret. You were trying to keep me safe, and you did. But he knows. And soon everyone else will. And I'm old enough to make my own decision about what risks I want to take. And I'm done being invisible, because it's killing me."

Missy grits her teeth, and spins on her heel to storm out of the courtyard without another word.

Charlie stares after her, distress flickering across her face, and she looks like she's about to go after her mother when Theo puts a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Give her some time," he tells her gently, "she's got a lot to absorb."

Charlie nods uncertainly, and her gaze drifts to River, who immediately gathers her into a hug. It's tight and warm and they both laugh a little, and Bill finds her heart rather warmed at how apparently close Charlie is with her stepmother.

Stepmother. Jesus Christ. This is all… weird as shit.

"Right, so… what the fuck just happened?" Bill asks.

"Yeah, I'm still wondering that too, my head hasn't been this confused since I was on that acid trip back in 97', and even then I'm still sure that made more sense at the time," Nardole says thoughtfully.

Charlie snorts. "Thanks, Nardy, that's a super flattering comparison." She pauses. "Actually, I kind of like it. Nevermind. We're good."

"I can't tell if we're going to get along like a house on fire, or if you're going to give me the same urges to light you on fire that your mother does," Nardole remarks.

"The fact that those are my two options is encouraging regardless," Charlie replies without missing a beat, grinning. "Probably the latter, though."

That's when Jack runs up, not out of breath because he's ridiculously in-shape, but obviously having been sprinting for them. He comes to a screeching halt at the sight of Charlie.

"Who the-" He trails off, frowning at her deeply. The recognition, the pieces coming together, it's visible in his eyes, and he glances at Theo with a look of incredulity. "Are you fucking kidding me, Doc?"

Bill can see Missy's point about why she has gone to such lengths to hide Charlie's entire existence - it really is impossible to miss the resemblance so long as she's standing next to one of her parents.

Theo shrugs, looking sheepish, that guilt from yesterday returning to his eyes. "Yeah… I'm sorry. It wasn't just you. No one here knew, except for River, until just now."

There's something he's not telling me.

My own grandparents don't know I exist.

"Your mother doesn't know she has another granddaughter," Bill realises aloud, with utter horror. "Oh my god, that's why you - you should feel bad, you utter-"

"Bill, that's not helping," River says sharply, as Theo winces.

"Yeah, only I'm allowed to chew him out about it, preferably," Charlie adds, "because like… his reasons make total sense, they just don't work forever."

"Where's your mom?" Jack asks Charlie. "And what's your name, anyway, weird secret kid I should definitely have known about for professional reasons before this point?"

"It's Jack, right?" she asks, grinning. "I'm Charlie, and Mum is off raging about my having the nerve to reveal myself to anyone outside of the inner circle that consists of her, Dad, River, and my uncles."

"Speaking of your uncles, I should probably call John and-"

The loud doorbell wired through the entire house buzzes, and a smirk works across Charlie's lips.

"I'll get it," Helen says quietly, since everyone else is too distracted to go and deal with the doorbell. Liv goes with her.

"That's probably them, actually," Charlie says, "I left them a note, it was never going to take them long to work out I was gone - I was lucky to escape at all, with how closely they've been keeping an eye on me."

She looks at River with faint accusation, and River's cheeks colour a bit as she crosses her arms.

"You were going to break into Baker Street and give the whole game up, I had to stop you somehow," River tells her, "you weren't listening to me, you-"

"Were being a total brat, yeah, we covered this already, it's fine," Charlie says, her grin returning, any grudge apparently long gone.

Yes, I'm with them… no, you can't come here - no. Listen to me - no, we're not at the townhouse - no, I'm not lying, and don't you dare-

"Oh my god, so much is starting to make sense now," Bill says.

It all comes together. Where Missy went the night of the engagement party, why she'd been so desperate to go after being out of the country so long, and why she had refused to tell Bill where she was going.

Is where you're going dangerous in any other way?

Only if you come with me.

… most of the reason we've kept her such a deadly secret is so that he would never know she exists…

"Were they going to see you? The other day when the three of them disappeared," Bill asks Charlie, thinking about how weird it had been to see them all together.

"It was my birthday," Charlie explains to Bill, giving Theo a little smile. "They knew I wanted to spend it with everyone I could, so…"

"Charlotte Millennia Smith!"

The shout comes from the courtyard entrance that leads to the rest of the house, and the front door, behind where Nardole is still standing. (Bill mouths 'Millennia?' to herself, wondering what the fuck kind of middle name that is, before remembering who her parents are and shrugging it off.)

Charlie winces guiltily as two men in their fifties stride into the courtyard.

The speaker is a man of average height with olive skin and dark hair starting to go silver in places, as well as a very well groomed beard. He's wearing an expensive looking black sweater and nice trousers. Overall, Emil Masters doesn't much resemble Missy but for the same cold intelligence in his eyes.

Behind him is a tall man with a mop of white curls, dressed in a somewhat outlandish outfit consisting of a velvet jacket and some ruffles on his sleeves - ironic, given that his name is John Smith (perhaps he's compensating, Bill has to wonder). He looks like he needs to he told this isn't a pantomime stage, or the 70's, but Bill also can't deny the look works for him. It's not remotely hard to believe he's vaguely related to Theo.

"Uncle Emil," Charlie says slowly as she turns to face him, and god help them all, the kid actually fucking finger guns at him in odd, sheepish greeting. "So-"

"Yes?" Emil asks. He looks vastly unimpressed and has lifted an eyebrow at her.

The grin that creeps onto her face, supposedly apologetic but not nearly enough, is so like her father's that it throws Bill, just for a moment.

"Yeah, actually, I got nothing," Charlie says, shrugging, "Nothing I've not said to you a hundred times before, anyway." Behind her, Bill hears River stifle a little laugh. "But look at this-"

Charlie spreads her arms, and looks at each of them (except Helen and Liv, who seem to have left them to it), and her gaze fixes on where Missy has apparently returned and is lingering on the edge of the courtyard, escaping Bill's notice but apparently not her daughter's.

"I'm with everyone, all at once, in the fucking daylight," Charlie says, meeting eyes with her. "That's all I ever wanted."

John looks conflicted as he approaches her and puts his large hand on her shoulder. "I know, Charlie girl, I know, but you should have at least talked to us-"

"Maybe, but I didn't, and now it's done," Charlie replies, eyes fierce, "and I'm not apologising for anything except any heart attacks that might have been involved." She smirks. "I know you and Emil are getting on a bit-"

John snorts and ruffles her hair horribly, and she laughs, doing nothing to fix it but a single rake of her hand through it to get it out of her eyes. Through all of this, Emil is watching them carefully, a small frown on his face, eyes calculating as they move from his husband and niece to Missy.

"Is this where you eviscerate me, dear sister?" he asks her.

Missy grits her teeth as she rejoins the group. "I'm certainly considering it."

"It would have gotten out anyway," Charlie says, "but come on, wouldn't we rather it be on our terms? And don't take it out on them, they couldn't have stopped me."

"She, uh, does have our unwavering determination and knack for pulling off the very unlikely," Theo admits, sheepishly.

"You're absolutely right about that," John says, and would have sounded chagrined if not for the fond look he gives Charlie before turning his eyes to Missy. "And she does have a point, old girl, don't you want to be able to control how this gets out?"

If looks could kill, John's body would be diced into pieces and scattered around the courtyard.

"Call me old girl again, and I'll ensure that sex becomes a long distant dream for you," Missy tells him calmly. "My boots are deadly and I will succeed in getting your crotch, aikido be damned."

Emil coughs. "I'm sure that won't be necessary." Bill spots Charlie smirking. "One way or another, the child is out of the bag, if not quite officially. We should focus on moving forward."

"You held a grudge against me for ten years for accidentally smashing your fancy bottle of cologne," Theo says to him indignantly.

"Nonsense, Theodore, that was a long time ago," he says loftily, but just a bit too quickly to be entirely innocent. "And most of us are now more mature adults."

Theo snorts, but Missy is actually smiling now, just a fraction.

"Very well, I suppose we might as well focus on how to make an utter spectacle of ourselves," she says with a sigh. Her voice is still too tight for her to seem entirely at ease, but the anger is gone from her now.

"So… you're not going to kill me, then?" Charlie asks, voice hesitant.

"Not today," Missy says wryly, but her eyes are soft.

Charlie runs to her and they embrace tightly, their near exact heights matching up and Missy's right hand stroking over her hair. Missy's eyes fall shut as she just holds on tight.

Bill has never seen her look so entirely at peace, until right in that moment.

"Oh, kit, what am I going to do with you?" Missy murmurs, the fingers of her left hand clutching at the fabric of Charlie's Bad Wolves and Beetles t-shirt. "You're far, far too much like me for it to bode well."

"Why do you call her that?" Nardole asks. "Kit, I mean."

"God, it's so long ago now I can't remember," Missy says as she finally lets Charlie go, with obvious reluctance. She cups Charlie's face in her hand. "Something about badgers. It stuck."

"Badgers?" Bill repeats. "Why does that ring a bell?"

"Oh, did you see that notebook I sent Dad?" Charlie asks.

"Oh, Jesus, right," Bill says, recalling the mystery package they had received while in America. "My head's starting to hurt. God, I must have been so close to working it out, or overhearing something-"

"Possibly, but you have to remember that we've managed to keep this under wraps from Theo's brothers and parents, and all of our friends, for eighteen years," Missy says, "you're hardly an idiot for not working it out. Although, we never lived with any of them in that time, so that's probably a factor in you getting closest."

"Speaking of which, how many of our relatives actually follow Silence Media, old chap? Because if they find out about this from that wretched woman and not you-" John shudders, and Theo goes pale. "Well."

"Mum and Dad have her and all of her channels blocked, but if this gains traction I still won't have much time, I-" Theo stares at Charlie. "I need to get you up there-"

He runs his hands down his face and takes a deep breath.

"Right, this is fine, this is - I've only got to tell my mother and father that I've been lying to them for eighteen and a half years, how bad could that possibly be?" he asks, the irony in his voice doing a decent job of disguising his quiet panic.

"It'll be alright, Thete," Missy assures him, putting her hand on his arm.

He nods. "Yeah, course it will." He doesn't sound like he's even managed to convince himself.

At this point, Helen and Liv creep back into the courtyard.

"Right, so is everyone done shouting at each other now?" Helen asks. "Or should we duck back out?"

"No, darling, you're fine," River says, loudly enough to make sure that she can be heard and also to put more weight behind the pointed looks she gives everyone else, Missy especially.

"Good," Liv says. She pauses, looking a bit awkward, her gaze falling on Charlie, then moving to Theo and Missy. "So… secret kid."

"Yep," Theo says.

"Who is now not secret?"

"Well, Kovarian's posted an article with a bunch of speculation and small bits of proof that Missy was pregnant when we broke up with Saxon," Theo explains. "They don't know her exact identity yet, but given that she lives with her uncles, it's only a matter of time."

"God, look at you," Helen breathes, stepping forward so that she's a few feet in front of Charlie. "Spitting image of your mother." She tilts her head, and glances at Theo, and her lips quirk. "And I can see you in her too, Theo. Aren't genetics remarkable?"

Charlie smiles. "Yeah, it's wild." She bites her lip. "It's so cool to finally meet you, after hearing River talk about you for so long. You're even prettier in person."

Helen blinks, and then blushes. "Oh, um - thank you." She looks at River. "What have you been saying about me?"

River gives Charlie a warning look, but Charlie gets a shit eating grin on her face.

"Oh, you know, just disgustingly sappy stuff, she sounded like a schoolgirl-"

"Right, that's quite enough of that," River says firmly, crossing to her and grabbing her by the waist so that her other hand can tickle her sides mercilessly with no chance of escape. Sure enough, the girl shrieks with laughter.

"No, fuck off, oh my god-"

Finally, she shows Charlie mercy, and Charlie recovers with near formidable speed.

"Sorry, did you not want everyone here to know that you're a smitten sap-"

This time, River's hand closes over her mouth firmly, and Charlie's eyes dance. River looks at her with exasperation that is far, far too fond to be particularly convincing.

"That's my girl," Missy murmurs, lips quirking.

"God, you're annoying," River tells Charlie, and her voice is cross but her eyes have a sparkle in them. "Your parent's daughter through and through."

Charlie says something which might be 'proudly', but it's muffled by River's hand.

"You know, I really wish I was more shocked, but you people are so mad I just don't think anything surprises me anymore," Liv admits. "Like, alright, didn't see the whole 'entire secret child' thing coming, but now that it's happened, I can only think 'yeah, that sounds about right'. What have you lot done to my worldly expectations? They'll never be the same again."

"That is… the most relatable thing I've ever heard you say," Bill says. "Like, big mood."

Charlie can't stop grinning. She just looks so completely thrilled to be here.

"Now, basic rules for dealing with Charlotte," Emil says out of nowhere, "for those who have only just met her. Don't believe anything she says-"

John adds, "Never let her out of your sight-"

"Don't ever tell her she's right or she'll continuously bring it up for months-"

"And above all, never assume she cannot or will not do anything," John finishes. He and Emil meet eyes and share a little nod of agreement and satisfaction, as they cross their arms in the kind of unison surely only possible after years of marriage.

Everyone looks at Charlie, who is smirking.

"Uh, right then," Helen says, to break the brief silence.

"Take that self satisfied look off your face," Missy tells her daughter with a roll of her eyes. "We get it. You're an edgy teenager with a leather jacket and a rebellious attitude-"

"And a motorbike," Charlie adds.

Missy gives her a look so dangerously still and mild that Bill almost recoils just from being near it and its implications. "Do you want to say that again?"

"Nope, just kidding, I've never seen a motorbike in my life," Charlie says hastily, but a grin still on her lips. "Never heard one, never touched one. What do they look like, again?"

Theo eyes her with suspicion. "We'll talk about this later."

"Oh goody," Charlie says sarcastically, but with a sickly sweet smile.

"Oh god, you're going to be worse than your mother, I just know it," Nardole groans.

Bill finds herself grinning like an idiot. Now that the shock is fading, acceptance of the situation and all of its implications are setting in.

"This is brilliant," Bill says, "you're brilliant."

"Funny, I've been thinking the same thing about you for a while now," Charlie replies. "From a distance, obviously."

"Really?"

"Why is this surprising, Pottsie?" Missy asks, shutting her eyes with exasperation. "There isn't a human being alive with any taste or moral fibre at all who doesn't think that your general existence is one of the only beacons of hope for the human race."

Bill blinks at her. "You can't just… say things like that, all casual."

Charlie lifts her eyebrows. "You never say anything that nice about me."

Missy snorts. "That's because you've been a menace on my nerves since you learned how to crawl." She smiles faintly. "Although, you've also been even more of a menace on your father's nerves, and that is a point of pride."

"You're also the definition of trouble," John adds.

"Stop it, all of you, you're only inflating her ego, she thrives on all attention," Emil says with a roll of his eyes.

"Really?" Nardole feigns surprise. "I wonder where she got that from."

They all look at Missy, who sniffs.

"I hardly think that was necessary," she says, pressing a hand to her chest and pretending to wipe a tear from her eye.

River, Liv, John and Emil all roll their eyes. Helen and Charlie smother giggles.

"Right, well-"

A phone starts ringing, loudly enough to make Helen and Nardole jump, and the ringtone is the Imperial March from Star Wars. It's coming from Theo's pocket, and he as well as Missy, River, John and Emil stiffen at the sound.

Bill frowns. "Do I want to know?"

"It's Brax," Theo says, swallowing as he gets out his phone, his eyes going to Charlie.

He answers the call and puts the phone on speaker.

"Hello, you've reached the one known as That Scottish Arsehole who is known for keeping secrets from people he cares about and reacting in a way that isn't necessarily socially appropriate when he's forced to answer for that," Theo says, "Please leave a message."

Bill manages to make her laughter silent, but it hurts to do so, and she can't breathe. River and Charlie seem to be in a similar predicament, hands clapped over each other's mouths as they double over.

"Your wit remains as ridiculous as ever, little brother," drawls Brax's voice. "However, it appears I underestimated you. Imagine my surprise, upon reading this ridiculous article, that an investigation into its claims would reveal that it was true. You've managed to keep a secret from me for eighteen years. Congratulations."

Theo stares at the phone, a deep frown creasing his brow. "Have you gone bananas? Why aren't you yelling at me?"

"Oh, I'm not finished," Brax snaps. "Ultimately, I don't care all too much about you hiding this from me, but the fact that you would do this to our parents, who will actually care about your little brat-"

"Call my daughter anything like that again, Brax, and I'll call your teeth missing from your mouth," Missy tells him sharply, and when he hesitates, she adds, "congratulations, you're on speakerphone, you patronising git."

"I mean, I am a brat-"

"Shut up, Charlie-"

"Oh, she's with you," Brax says with interest. "Well, Charlotte, I look forward to our meeting in person. Vaguely."

"Oh man, that's like, so nice of you," Charlie says sarcastically. She doesn't look annoyed, more amused than anything else.

Brax lets out a very long sigh. "Oh, yes, she's definitely yours. When will you tell Mother and Father?"

"Today," Theo says, swallowing. "We'll leave within the hour and head up."

"Very well, I'll meet you there, and tell Max to do the same if he's able." There's a pause, and he chuckles a little. It's one of the more blatantly disturbing chuckles Bill has ever heard in her life. "I wonder if I could do so without saying why, and give him the shock of his life."

River snorts. "Charming as ever, Brax."

"I try my best, River dear."

Theo frowns at the endearment, making River chuckle at him and pat his arm. Bill isn't sure why that would be something that would irritate him, since jealousy isn't exactly something they ever tend to deal in, but it occurs to Bill that it might just be because it's his brother and thus is automatically more irritating, if less threatening. Bill's not completely sure, having never had siblings.

"Right, well, you scold me in person later then, I'm sure that'll be fun," Theo says to Brax, with a little snort, "catch you later."

He hangs up and runs a hand over his face again.

"Right, well, time for us to face the music," Theo says to Missy, Emil and John. "We're about to be in the shit."

Nardole giggles and everyone stares at him. "Sorry, it's just funny because we're musicians. And, you know, face the music."

There's a small chorus of groans and the sounds of palms meeting foreheads.

Chapter Text

The drive up to Theo's parents involves Nardole driving up with Jack, while Missy, River, Bill and Charlie pile into Missy's car once again. Jack has insisted on coming with them as a safety measure, and Theo and Missy aren't arguing. Their eyes keep going to Charlie, and Bill knows they must be thinking about how Saxon had physically managed to get to her, to find her. John and Emil are taking their own car.

"You sure you're all good with this?" Bill asks Nardole before they leave.

"Be in the middle of the family drama? No thanks," Nardole scoffs. He looks at Jack and grins. "Besides, it's been ages since Jack and I hung out on our own. We'll have fun."

Jack claps him on the shoulder and grins back. "I've missed our conversations."

"I bet you have," Nardole replies suggestively, and Jack smirks.

Realising that Jack and Nardole have undoubtedly had sex at some point, and are possibly planning on doing so again, Bill makes a face and leaves them to it.

Theo and Missy and River are having a rather in depth conversation, so Bill bypasses them and climbs into the car to join Charlie on the backseat. She's texting.

"Hey," Bill says, a bit awkwardly, but with a smile. "How are you doing? It's all a bit nuts."

"Yeah, but I asked for it," Charlie says with a shrug. "I'm currently making up some story so that my friend Devan doesn't lose their mind worrying about me. Which is tricky since I was already way out of whack after last night and they know it."

"Well, fingers crossed it'll all be worked out soon," Bill tells her.

Charlie nods, locking her phone. "What are they like? My grandparents."

"They're amazing," Bill says, and she nudges Charlie's shoulder with her own. "And they're going to love you. So much. Your grandmother was literally saying how much she wished your dad had had kids, because she thought he'd be a good dad."

"He is," Charlie murmurs. "He's - he's not perfect, what with his complete inability to stay still and his weird urges to randomly go travelling. But I wouldn't want him any other way. Perfect is stupid."

"I gave up on perfect ages ago," Bill agrees. "So not worth the effort. I have to ask, though, what's your mum like? As a mum, I mean?"

Charlie smiles a bit more widely. "She's-" She laughs. "Well, she's mad as ten boxes of cats, but she's everything I could have wanted."

Bill knows she should be surprised, but she just isn't, perhaps due to what she's observed of Missy and Charlie's relationship.

"She cares about you so much."

"Too much, sometimes, I think," Charlie replies, with a half smile. "It's probably good there's dad and my uncles to keep her in check."

There's a brief pause.

"So… what did you think of Susan? You've met her, right?"

Bill blinks at her. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

Charlie makes a face and crosses her leg over her knee. "I dunno. Just - she's all sweet, right? Trying to gauge what they'll be expecting in a granddaughter. Because from what I've heard about Susan, I'm just… not. I'm not any of that. I feel like they'll be disappointed - I'm such an asshole, there's no way they-"

"They know any kid of Theo's is going to be River's or Missy's, if they're expecting some sweet normal kid from either of those combinations, then they're idiots," Bill points out.

Charlie snorts. "Okay that's… a good point. And they know River can't have kids, probably, so they know it would be Mum's level of crazy." She takes a deep breath. "Okay. Maybe I'll be alright."

"They'll love you," Bill says again, and Charlie offers her a smile as the other three finally got in the car.

"Took you long enough, what were you three doing, drawing up a strategy plan for the entire War of the Roses?" Charlie asks them.

"Oh, very funny, did it take you the whole four minutes to think of that?" Theo retorts, with his trademark scathing sarcasm.

Charlie makes a face at him, sticking out her tongue, and he snorts. She grins.

"She gets that from you," Missy tells him as she buckles herself into the driver's seat and Theo gets into the passenger side.

"Oh yes, because grand passive aggressive statements of impatience have never left your lips," River says to Missy as she gets into the back with Charlie and Bill and gives them a wink.

Bill and Charlie share a grin as Missy gets the car started and they finally head off.

And so, their entourage of three cars heads for the village where Idris and Edwin live, and after making some brusque replies to attempts at conversation with her, Charlie puts in her headphones and spends the rest of the journey staring out the window with an unreadable expression she's clearly learned from her father. Her body is tense, though, and Bill can't blame her for being nervous.

Bill can hear the music a bit from the headphones, and it sounds like a version of The Pretender with female vocals. Figures. With a leather jacket tied around her waist and jeans tucked into boots, Charlie's certainly the picture of a punk teenager.

It reminds Bill a bit of Ashildr's whole aesthetic, actually.

Oh. Now that's a point.

"How are you feeling?" Bill asks Theo. "Because I just realised you still need to tell Clara and Ashildr about Charlie, and Clara is going to absolutely kick your arse."

She sees Theo wince in the rear view mirror, and hears him curse under his breath.

"In which case, I'll break her hand," Missy says in a mild tone. "I'm sure she'll be immensely displeased, but she'll have to get over it."

"I almost told her, once, a few years ago," Theo says quietly, and they look at him with surprise. "She nearly overheard something she shouldn't have, and I was so close to just-" He sighs. "But I couldn't. Not without discussing it with you first, Missy. So I lied. Like we always did."

Missy says nothing, but Bill thinks she can see a quiet gratitude in her eyes, though on this angle it's hard to be sure.

Finally, the cars pull up outside the funny little cottage and they get out.

"Charlie, stay out of sight," Theo says, and so as they approach the blue door of the house, Charlie stays behind a pseudo wall of River, Missy and Bill. Nardole and Jack hang back at the edge of the garden, and John and Emil stand behind Charlie, with protective posture that Bill has to wonder if they're even fully aware of.

Theo takes a deep breath as they stop in front of the door, and River touches his arm while Missy touches the small of his back ever so gently.

He knocks on the door.

There's the sound of a crash, and a shouted exclamation and an indignant reply, before the door opens about ten seconds later.

Idris, dishevelled as ever, blinks at the sight of Theo and everyone else.

"Theo," she says, baffled, "but you were only here yesterday."

"I know," Theo says. "But I need to talk to you. Both of you. Dad!"

A few seconds later, Edwin shuffles into the doorway just behind Idris, and scowls at him.

"Do not summon me like a dog, Theodore, a simple 'Father, please would you come to the door' would suffice," he sniffs. "Now, what in the world are you doing here? And is that John and Emil? And who else?"

Theo swallows and looks them both dead in the eye.

"Mum, Dad, I have to tell you something, and it's probably something I should have told you a long time ago," Theo says slowly.

They both frown at him. He makes a face.

"I have a good reason for keeping it a secret, but I have no idea if it's good enough," he continues, voice tight, "and I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life wondering whether or not it was the right thing to do, but I just - I was so scared. I was so scared and I didn't know what else to do."

"We didn't know what else to do," Missy adds, from behind him, and their gazes briefly flick to her.

"Theo, what is this?" Edwin asks, with concern. "Why did you need a whole group of backup?"

"They're my family as much as you are, Dad," Theo replies. "Now please, let me explain. Eighteen years ago a thing happened. Missy and I were hurt, as you know, and terrified, and so to minimise the risk, we made that thing our greatest secret. But it's time for that to stop."

With that he steps aside, and so does Missy, and Charlie is directly in Idris and Edwin's line of sight.

"This is Charlie," Theo says softly. "Charlotte Millennia-"

"Quiet," Edwin says, cutting him off, staring at Charlie with a furrowed brow.

It's clear by their faces that Edwin and Idris have been able to discern Charlie's parentage by a single glance. They both look like they've been hit by a train, or are about to be.

"Hi," Charlie says, hesitantly, with a tiny awkward wave.

"You're-"

"Yep," Missy says.

Idris moves forward slowly, a burning curiosity in her eyes as she tilts her head and regards Charlie.

"Hello," she says to Charlie, and an odd giggle escapes the odd woman, which in turn triggers a few tears in her eyes. "Oh goodness. Look at you."

Everyone is completely still except for her and Charlie.

"I've heard so much about you," Charlie says.

"And I nothing about you," Idris says to her, and she reaches out to cup Charlie's face in her hand. "And yet - you're one of mine, and I never knew."

"I'm sorry, Mum-"

"Quiet, Theodore," Edwin snaps. He then looks at Charlie with a softer expression. "Good lord. It's remarkable. Charlie, was it?"

"Yeah," Charlie says, "it's… god, it's so good to actually meet you - oh!" Idris had wrapped her in a crushing hug. "Oh," she says again, and her voice wavers.

Theo is watching with a few tears running down his cheeks and a little relieved smile on his lips. Missy has a vice grip on his hand and is smiling softly. River's smile is wider, her eyes fiercely happy and proud.

Edwin's hand comes onto Charlie's shoulder, and as she turns to look at him, Bill can see that she has tears in her eyes.

"I am going to have many a stern word with your father, and your mother, for that matter," Edwin says to Charlie, before a twinkle enters his eye, "but I am very glad to meet you."

Bill feels the need to look away, feels like she's intruding again. That's when she sees River staring at Charlie with an odd kind of shock.

"Are you ok?" Bill asks River quietly.

"I-" River bites her lip. "I've just never seen her actually cry before. I've known her since she was five years old and - even when she was small and hurt herself she never cried. I've seen her come close a few times recently, but-" She shrugs, an uncommon look of perplexment on her face. "I don't know if I'm relieved to find out she's actually capable of it, or worried before it's so drastically different."

"Weird," Bill says.

Sure enough, all four of Charlie's guardians seem rather shocked as well.

"And what do you have to do all of this, John? Emil? You knew about this, where we didn't?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, old chap. We were the backup," John replies. "When Theo was overseas and Missy was… not at her best. And also Charlotte's full time guardians for the last couple of years, since her parents chose to return to the limelight."

Emil nods. "I do apologise profusely for the deception. It was all in the interest of keeping her existence a secret from that horrid Saxon man, however, and while I'm not sure it's a choice I'd make again, I stand by it. And yes, upon my sister and Theo making the plans that led to Event Horizon, it was decided it was best that Charlotte come to live with us, lest Lissy's house and its privacy be breached, and so she might have full time guardianship in the meantime."

There's a moment where Edwin and Idris exchange a look, as the latter releases Charlie partially, still holding her forearms.

"Well that makes sense, on a logical level, I suppose," Idris says, her voice odd in tone.

Edwin looks at Missy with alarm. "But she's not-"

"Of course she isn't, Edwin, look at her," Idris interrupts. Edwin looks at Charlie again, and his small smile returns.

"Of course," he says, voice a bit thick.

"We were more than able to continue her education," John continues, "but she actually does her assigned work, thankfully."

"That's because Mum used to sit on me if I didn't," Charlie retorts. "And if I was really badly behaved, it would be ticking from her nails of death. I learned a decent work ethic pretty quickly after that."

Bill looks at Missy's trimmed nails and lifts an eyebrow. Missy smirks.

"I wasn't bedding any pretty girls back then, motherhood was a bit more pressing," Missy replies, and Edwin rolls his eyes while Idris laughs.

"What did you do?" Bill asks Theo.

Theo's face falls a bit. "I, uh, wasn't there. For a lot of it."

"He stopped in from time to time, with his shiny new wife," Missy says, snorting, "I didn't mind, that was one of our off spells."

"It lasted six years," Theo retorts.

"Six years, and eight hate sex marathons," River remarks, and everyone turns to stare at her. She makes a face and shrugs coyly. "Not that I was in any way involved, or counting."

"I was so mentally scarred as a child," Charlie says with a shudder. "I learned how to knock pretty quickly, though."

Nardole and Jack cover their giggles, while Idris and Edwin turn glares onto Theo and Missy, and both get the look of scolded children.

"You know we only want you to do whatever makes you happy-"

"Or who makes you happy-"

"Really, Idris-"

"What?"

"But honestly," Edwin finishes, looking at Charlie meaningfully.

"Accidents happen, Dad," Theo says defensively. "It's fine, she wasn't quite old enough to understand."

"But now I am, and may I just say on the behalf of everyone, ew," Charlie interrupts, and Bill grins.

"Seconded," Emil agrees with a shudder.

"Oh, don't get me started on you two," Charlie says with a roll of her eyes. "Why do you think I got those really expensive headphones like a month after I moved in? I didn't need to be able to work out that your safe word is 'neutron'."

John flushes deep scarlet and starts spluttering something about 'now see here young lady that's hardly-' only to give up.

Emil lifts an eyebrow at her. "How many times do I have to tell you that embarrassing others for the sake of your own amusement and ego is beneath you, Charlotte?" he asks.

"And how many times do I have to respond with 'do you recall who my fucking mother is?'" she retorts.

Bill and River choke on laughs and Missy smirks.

Charlie then winces and glances at Idris and Emil, clearly having realised she had just sworn in front of her grandparents.

"Uh, sorry…?" she says, and it sounds like it's hard for her to say, like it isn't a word that often leaves her mouth.

Edwin clasps her by the shoulder. "Don't worry, my dear, we raised your father in Scotland, remember? We believe cursing to be a form of self expression, so long as it isn't to such a constant degree to replace actual intelligent conversation."

Charlie slowly grins, her eyes warm. "Okay. That's… that's brilliant. Thank fuck for that."

Edwin arches an eyebrow at her.

"Too much?" Charlie asks.

"Perhaps," he replies, but his lips are twitching. "I'm just trying to picture what sort of abstract metaphysical creature a 'fuck' might be, that one might thank it."

There's a brief moment of silence before Idris, Theo, and Missy collapse into laughter. It doesn't take long for the others to crack too.

Once everyone manages to compose themselves, Edwin ushers everyone inside.

Idris makes everyone tea or coffee, and given the limited space at the dining table, Jack chooses to stand by one of the windows that looks out over the garden. He still stays in the conversation, but Bill can see that his posture is more deliberately held, his eyes sharp and more careful - he's still very much on duty.

Once everyone is settled, Edwin puts his hands on Theo's shoulder.

"May we talk?" He looks at Missy. "With you as well, Melissa."

"Of course," Missy replies. It's plain she had expected as much, and it's the same for Theo, who simply nods in reply.

Edwin, Idris, Theo and Missy leave the room and head upstairs.

"So they are still going to get bollocked, then," Nardole says, and River shrugs.

"Couldn't be avoided," she says, sighing, "I don't imagine it will be particularly forceful. They just need to talk about it. This is no small thing."

Her gaze slides to Charlie, more just on instinct than to make any sort of point, and Charlie just nods and gives an odd, sheepish sort of shrug that lacks her usual confidence.

River covers her hand with her own. "Are you alright, darling?"

Charlie retracts her hand. "I'm fine," she says, uncomfortably. "You don't have to worry about me, River, jesus. Why wouldn't I be fine? Things are going pretty good, all things considered, as far as I can tell."

"You seemed a little overwhelmed, is all, which is perfectly understandable," John tells her.

"I'm fine," Charlie says, a bit more forcefully.

"I'm glad to hear it," Emil replies mildly, before his gaze falls onto Bill. "Now, we didn't get much of a chance to properly be introduced, back at the mansion, with everything else going on. I must say that it is delightful to finally be able to meet you, Miss Potts. And you, Mr Dellora."

"God, please don't call me Mr Dellora, that makes me sound like some man in a business suit," Nardole says, making a face, "or my foster father. Nardole is just fine, thank you."

"Of course."

"It's cool to meet you too," Bill says, smiling at him. "Been pretty curious about you for a while, with how weird Missy is. You're a lot more normal than what I was expecting."

"Not too normal, I should hope, that sounds tragically dull," Emil says with a charming smile.

John smirks at him. "I don't think anyone at this table, least of all the two of us, are in too much danger of that."

"Perhaps not," his husband replies, smiling back.

"So what do you two actually do? I just realised I have no idea. Are you musical at all?" Bill asks.

The both of them start laughing a little.

"Oh yes, that's how we met," John tells her. "A classic rivalry, between the strings and brass section."

"So a classical rivalry, then," Nardole corrects, only to get an eye roll from River, even though John and Emil seem amused by the pun.

"I'm first violin for the London Symphony orchestra," Emil says to Bill, in a tone that makes her think it was once something he would brag about, but has since learned humility. "My husband here leads the trumpet section. It was not always a harmonious point of difference."

"That's putting it mildly," John remarks.

Emil smiles. "But the chemistry was always there, if sometimes a little misguided."

"Eventually, our conductor got so entirely fed up with us that he locked us in a practice room together until we sorted it out," John says, chuckling, "though in hindsight I don't think he expected us to-"

He trails off as he looks at Charlie and flushes a little.

"They had passionate life changing sex against the upright piano," Charlie drawls.

"Charlotte!"

"What? I know this story, as you seem to keep forgetting in an attempt to preserve my already obliterated innocence."

Emil sighs. "She's right, dear, this is the second time this has happened."

John frowns. "Oh. Dear. I think you may be right."

"Of course I'm right, everyone in my family is an oversexed weirdo," Charlie says, rolling her eyes. "Including my incredibly demisexual father, which is just ridiculous, really. Makes me wonder if I'm really related to any of you at all."

"Oh, so that's how you're the rebel of the family," River says, laughing.

Bill is confused until Charlie notices and lifts her arm, drawing her attention to a woven bracelet in the asexuality pride colours.

"Oh, neat," Bill says.

Charlie quirks her eyebrow for a moment in a kind of recognition, and goes back to texting.

There's a brief silence.

"Well, it doesn't sound like anybody is getting murdered," Nardole says. "So maybe we're almost past all the-"

"Car's pulling up," Jack says suddenly, "I can't see who - ah okay, it's Irving. Or what do the others call him? Brax?"

He moves to open the door.

"Ah, Mr Harkness, of course," Brax says in greeting, as he walks into the house and dining room. "And the whole gang is here. How charming."

It's impossible to tell if he's being sincere or not. There's something about him, an aura of charm that doesn't quite feel genuine.

His smile fades a fraction when his gaze falls onto Charlie. It only takes a moment to return, but there's something weirdly satisfying about seeing him, someone that Bill could only instinctively describe as a 'swarmy bastard', be thrown, even if just for a second.

"Remarkable," he says, crossing the room to the table while Charlie gets to her feet, eyeing him with a mix of curiosity and uncertainty, and possibly suspicion as well. "I can see why they took such pains to keep you hidden, now. I'm-" He makes a face, and lets out an odd chuckle. "Well, I suppose I'm your Uncle Irving. But everyone calls me Brax, and you are welcome to do so as well."

"Uncle Brax, then?" Charlie asks, lifting an eyebrow.

He smirks. "If you like." He holds out his hand to her, and she looks faintly relieved as she moves to shake it.

"Charlotte Millennia Masters-Smith," Charlie says, and his eyebrow cocks a little. She smirks back at him. "But everyone just calls me Charlie. Or Trouble. Or 'what the fuck is wrong with you'."

"They do not," River says.

"Like you would know," Charlie retorts.

"Alright, edgelord, we get it, you're a teenage weirdo and definitely your mother's daughter," Nardole says, rolling his eyes. "But you've got miles to go on her subtlety."

Charlie clutches her hand to her chest, in what is almost a swoon. "You already know me so well," she says, and to Bill's amazement, tears have actually welled up in her eyes, even if the melodrama in her actions makes it obvious they aren't brought on by real emotion.

Nardole merely lifts an eyebrow at her, while John smothers his laugh with a cough, River does nothing to hide hers, and Emil simply smiles with fond amusement.

Bill just stares. "Did you just cry on cue?"

Charlie winks at her. "Works on Dad every time. No one else, though."

"Well, it's certainly not going to work on me," Brax says, sniffing at her. "Impressive as it may be."

"Oh, I'd never dream of mocking you, or lying to you, Uncle Dearest," Charlie says, blinking at him, voice still too over the top to be quite believable.

Brax lifts an eyebrow. "Perish the thought."

There's an odd moment of silence, where it seems that he and Charlie are seizing each other up, two unflinching assholes assessing each other in every possible way. It's a bizarre thing to witness. Bill half expects them to start circling each other like in some dramatic movie.

"I'm keeping my eye on you, Charlotte," Brax says eventually, and she just smirks.

"You can try," she says.

That's when the others return from upstairs.

"Irving!" Edwin says with surprise. "What a - wait. Does this mean you were in on this too? We've been assured there were only-"

"No, father dearest, I can assure you that I only found out today, thanks to that article and my own research," Brax tells him smoothly. "I've invited Max along as well, since he ought to know. He, however, has no idea why he's been summoned here. I wished to see the look on his face."

Idris looks at him with disapproval. "You enjoy vexing him too much."

"He makes it far too easy, mother," Brax replies, smiling at her. "Besides, it will be nice to have us all together again, however briefly."

Theo rolls his eyes where he and Missy are standing behind Idris, who smiles at Brax and pulls him into a hug. Edwin doesn't look so easy to accept Brax's supposedly heartfelt sentiment, but he seems pleased that Idris is happy.

Charlie heads towards her parents, and appears to ask about whether the talk went alright.

Theo nods and uses one arm to hug her into his side, making her smile, and Missy meanwhile brushes some hair out of her face only to get pulled into a hug from Charlie, resulting in a group embrace that makes Bill want to cry just from observing it.

She looks away, and sees River smiling softly at the trio.

"Alright?" Bill asks her.

River nods, eyes shining with a soft warmth. "I've waited for this day for a long time. They've earned it."

That's when the front door bangs open, and Max strides in, and Bill notices Jack wince and look annoyed with himself (he must have gotten distracted from his supposed duty of watching the front garden).

"Irving Braxiatel Smith, you'd better explain to me at once why I have been summoned here with absolutely zero explanation-"

Max stops dead as his gaze falls on Charlie, who is standing with Theo and Missy behind each of her shoulders.

His mouth opens and closes several times, but no sound comes out.

"You'll catch flies doing that, Max, dearest," Idris tells him gently, "why don't you shut my front door, please, and have a sit down? I can make you some tea and we can get this all straightened out."

Max still hasn't looked away from Charlie. Finally, his gaze shifts to Theo.

"Theodore Basil Smith, explain this, this instant," he barks.

There's a brief pause, which Bill can't stop herself from breaking.

"I'm sorry… Basil?!"

Chapter Text

Once the clammer about Theo's middle name has died down, there is an odd silence.

"Well, Uncle Max, full points for an amazing entrance," Charlie says, bursting into applause, and Missy immediately joins in. Nardole, after a moment, does the same, and so does River.

Max does not look amused. Bill has to bite her lip to stop herself from grinning.

"Am I to understand, Irving, that I have been lured here for the purpose of being shocked out of my mind for the entertainment of you all?" Max asks Brax, frowning. "Because it's in very poor taste, if that is the case."

Bill has to take a moment to consider that even though Brax is older than Max, he looks about ten years younger, though that could be down to his hair not being grey or white, which is probably just the result of dying it. Still, it's odd to realise that Max is the younger brother in this scenario.

Well, except for how Brax is smirking. That has smug oldest sibling written all over it, even Bill knows that, and she doesn't even have any siblings.

"It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, Max, I'm hardly going to get another chance to see the look on your face when you find out you're an uncle and that Theodore has somehow managed to keep a single secret for eighteen years."

"I resent the implications of that sentence," Theo tries to say, only for both of his brothers to shush him. He has a look of resigned annoyance that Bill has to wonder if this happened a lot when he was a child and they haughty teenagers.

Max huffs and looks away from both of his brothers to regard his parents with scrutiny instead.

"We also only just learned of this, Maximus, before you attempt to expend any of your prickly attitude towards us," Edwin warns him.

Max considers this for a moment and nods. He looks at Charlie.

"Come here, my dear, let me look at you," he says, and Charlie looks like she wants to refuse to do so on principle, but after a moment moves to stand in front of him. "Good lord, it is rather remarkable. I suppose it's why I haven't heard hide or hair of you all this time, hmm? Anyone would know your lineage just to look at you."

He frowns at Theo.

"Was it a matter of wanting to keep her away from that awful boyfriend of yours, Theodore? I can't for the life of me think of another reason why you would take such drastic action."

Brax snorts. "Don't be ridiculous, they clearly just wanted her to be able to live a normal life, outside of the press."

"Yes, Max, it was," Theo says, making Brax frown at him. "The thing about her getting to be a normal kid too, but keeping her safe was the main reason."

Brax looks at them all with disbelief. "You can't seriously expect me believe that you thought some ex boyfriend of yours could be such a danger to her. Even there were a question of her parentage, which there clearly isn't-"

Bill feels a horrible cold sensation wash over her as she remembers an exchange between her and Missy.

"Theo's brothers, his parents, do they-"

"Max knows, but never asked for the details… Brax… has no idea."

Even Charlie is looking at Brax with a sort of confused disbelief, one that tells Bill that she at least partly knows or has some idea of just how bad Saxon was, how dangerous he could be. Missy is picking at the placemat in front of her with shaking hands while Theo looks at Brax with what looks to be exasperation and pain and annoyance all warring in him.

"You might believe a lot of things, if you had ever made the effort to be anything more than a smug, aloof arse," Theo tells him, the emotion in him shaking his voice a little. "And you know, I've never held it against you, not really, it's how you are. But it means there are some things, things that everyone else here knows, except for you."

Brax glances around the room, and for the first time, seems genuinely uncertain and uncomfortable.

"Such as?"

"Such as the fact that Harry Saxon was and remains a sadistic bastard who made me believe that Missy and I could never be happy without him, and that the bruises he left on us were a small price to pay," Theo says, face twisting. He yanks up his shirt sleeve and holds it out to Brax. "It wasn't until he shoved a burning cigarette into my arm that I started to reconsider."

Brax is extremely pale. Charlie looks like she's going to be sick - there's no surprise on her face, but Bill gets the idea she's never had this much detail before, understandably.

"He was abusive?" Brax asks, voice extremely, deadly quiet.

"In every possible way you could conceive," Theo replies, at the same volume. "The only reason we finally had the strength to leave is because Missy found out she was pregnant and we knew that child would never see the light of day if we didn't."

Charlie is looking at him with a look of heartbreak. "Dad-"

Theo gives her a watery smile. "You saved us, Charlie girl. Before your heart was even beating."

Charlie runs to him and they hug fiercely. Missy watches them for a moment before her gaze moves to Brax, something cold in her eyes.

"Satisfied now, are you?" she asks him, flatly.

Brax swallows. "I didn't-"

"No, course you didn't, because you never bothered to take five seconds to look at your brother and work out something was horribly wrong," she says. "You know it's bad when Max is more emotionally perceptive than you."

"I'm more sensitive than I'm given credit for, Melissa," Max sniffs.

"That's true, but all the same."

Brax stares at Theo, who is still holding Charlie tight to his chest, but holds Brax's gaze over her shoulder now that his eyes are open again.

"I am… very sorry, Theo, that I never noticed, or that you never felt as though you could tell me," Brax says slowly, and with what sounds like fair difficulty. "I… I hope that you're alright. I could hurt him now, easily, I have numerous connections-"

"We don't need your help," Missy snaps, glaring daggers at him.

He arches an eyebrow. "Very well. It was a gesture of good faith."

"You can shove your good faith right up-"

"Melissa, not in my kitchen, please," Idris interrupts gently, having observed the entire exchange with troubled, melancholy eyes. "He's trying his best."

"Sorry," Missy mutters, and Bill is fairly sure the apology would never have left her lips had it been anyone but Idris.

They stay long enough for Charlie to get to spend some time with her family, while Bill and the others try to give them some space and make good use of the chess set out in the garden.

Finally, they all head back to London.

Missy drives again, since it's her car, but Bill ends up taking the passenger seat so that Theo can have his head on River's shoulder and Charlie snuggled into his side at the same time.

"Should we tell Clara and Ashildr tomorrow?" Theo asks Missy.

"Might as well. There's also the matter of what to do now. We're meant to leaving the country in a manner of days."

"Can't I come with you?" Charlie asks, sitting up a bit.

"If we can think of a way to have you with us that doesn't blow your cover immediately, theoretically yes," Missy answers.

"God, seriously?! Thank you!"

"Won't that be difficult, though? She looks exactly like your kid," Bill says.

"You'll have to come over separately to us, and in, I don't know, a wig, or something," Missy says, waving her hand. "But I'm sure we can make it work. I'm not letting you out of my sight long term, now, not until everything with Saxon blows over."

"Agreed," Theo says. "And while you're with us, we can work out a press angle."

"Aren't we sort of getting ahead of ourselves here?" Bill asks.

"In what way?"

"We still need to tell Clara and Ashildr."

"Ah. Right."

They organise for Clara and Ashildr to come to the townhouse the next morning, leaving it late enough to ensure that they have plenty of time to get organised and make a plan before the vertically challenged brunette couple arrive.

"Wait upstairs until one of us comes to get you," Theo tells Charlie, who nods, brow furrowed in what seems to be some kind of deep thought, though Bill has no idea what.

"So are we just going to be awkwardly standing here when they come in?" Bill asks. "Or like, acting casual? Should I lean against the wall or bannister and try to-"

"We could make out to provide interesting scenery and throw them off the main reason for their being here," Missy suggests.

Bill frowns at her. "Are you just saying that because you feel like making out with me?"

Missy sighs melodramatically and pretends to be on the cusp of being overwhelmed with emotion. "Your bum just looks spectacular today and I wanted an excuse to cop a feel."

Bill closes her eyes for a moment, processes, deliberates, and comes to a decision.

"You have seven seconds to kiss me and grab my arse, and then we're focusing on the problem at hand," Bill says.

Theo looks between them with disbelief. "Are we sure this is the best use of our-"

His mild protest doesn't get far before Missy has grabbed Bill and pulled her in for a quick, firm snog, her hand sliding into Bill's back pocket and groping freely. What is supposedly meant to just be indulging Missy is, admittedly, also indulging herself, because Bill is a good person having to deal a lot and deserves to be blatantly and consensually groped by a gorgeous woman, surely.

"I can hear all of this, you know," comes Charlie's exasperated voice from upstairs.

Bill and Missy separate, since their seven seconds are up anyway, and Bill coughs and avoids Theo's eyes while Missy just grins like the cat who got the cream.

"You know I'm a menace, Charlie dear, it can't be a surprise," Missy calls.

"It's not, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to it."

"I can hear them coming, all of you shut up," Theo tells them, waving his hand and conjuring silence as if by magic, and with perfect timing.

The front door opens, and Clara and Ashildr walk in to see Bill leaning on the decorative table in a supposedly casual way that she is certain is too staged to be believable, while Theo and Missy have gravitated together, hands not quite touching but brushing at their sides.

"For the record," Clara is saying the moment she crosses the threshold, "I'm working on following up on Kovarian's article and finding who the hell she got to spin such complete bullshit-"

She stops short when she sees the odd scene and frowns.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," Bill says.

"You guys are being weird, so it's a something," Ashildr says flatly.

"Yes, it is, or rather, a someone," Theo admits, scratching the back of his head and giving them that little sheepish smile of his.

Ashildr's expression shifts to one of awe. "No way."

"No way what?" Clara asks them, aside, without taking her eyes off Theo and Missy. "I'm missing something. What is it?"

Theo looks at Clara seriously, and takes a step towards her. "Clara, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, and-"

"It's me," comes a voice from upstairs, right before a blur of dark hair and leather jacket whizzes down the stair banister like something out a movie. Charlie is half laughing and half shrieking with delight, but it turns into a chorus of 'fuck fuck fuck' as she falls off the bannister two thirds of the way down and tumbles down several steps, landing in a spectacularly awkward position on the last few with a groan.

Missy slowly drags her hand over her face in a long suffering gesture.

"I'm good," Charlie groans a moment later. "I'm a melodramatic dumbass, but I'm good."

"Yes, you are all three of those things," Missy agrees, with a heavy sigh, but she's already starting to smile, just a fraction.

"I told you to wait upstairs!" Theo says to Charlie.

"And I… decided that was dumb," Charlie says as she picks up herself and what is left of her dignity, which is apparently quite a lot. Bill is impressed at how unphased by the whole thing she seems. "My entrance was going to be way better. Even with my epic fail, still better."

"Who the hell are-" Clara's sentence dies in her throat, and her eyes somehow become even wider. "No. No." An odd, disbelieving laugh comes out of her throat as she looks at Theo and Missy. "You didn't. Seriously?"

"Is it even legal for you two to unleash a kid on the world?" Ashildr asks. "Shouldn't there be laws against it?"

"Probably," Missy says, shrugging.

Charlie grins. "Definitely. But too late. And with our track record, I'd have still existed, just as a walking illegality. Damn, that actually sounds cool. Missed opportunity, there."

Clara stares at her, visibly still processing the whole thing. "Are you fucking serious?" she says, and the humour is fading from her voice as she turns to look back at Theo. Hurt is starting to enter her expression. "You have a kid, and you never said?"

Theo swallows. "I'm sorry, Clara. I didn't want to keep it from you, but only five of us were allowed to know she existed. It wasn't anything personal. I nearly told you, once."

"You're my best friend, I tell you almost everything," she says, her voice wavering.

"Clara, his parents didn't even know, or his brothers," Bill interrupts. "Only them and River, and John and Emil, because they've been looking after her."

Clara looks and her, and then back at Theo, for confirmation. He nods.

"Jesus," she breathes.

"I only met my grandparents and uncles yesterday, and before then they had no idea I existed," Charlie says, making a face. "So… yeah." She smiles a moment later and holds out a hand to Clara. "Anyway, Charlie Masters-Smith, at your service. Except not at your service because that's a weird thing to say, in hindsight."

Clara blinks where tears of hurt had threatened to gather in her eyes, and gives Charlie a hesitant smile. "Clara Oswald."

"I know. I've wanted to meet you for years. Dad never shuts up about you."

Clara looks at Theo, who shrugs a bit, avoiding her gaze, the smallest of flushes in his cheeks. She smiles. "You're a sappy old man."

"Watch who you're calling old when they have equals in age in the room," Missy says dryly.

"And you're a bitter old crone," Clara says, voice sweet.

"Do you want to go, Oswald?"

Clara laughs. "Are we talking horizontal or vertical?"

Missy gives her a once over. Bill can't blame her for how her gaze lingers in places, given how good Clara looks today. (Well, Clara always looks good, but she's rocking an amazing blouse with a little skirt and ankle boots and how can her legs be that amazing when she's so short?!)

"I'm… flexible," Missy says, smirking.

"I know," Clara retorts.

"Seriously?" Ashildr asks, arching their eyebrow. "We just found out about a secret Missodore child and you're letting yourself get seduced?"

"Please, it's not seduction," Clara scoffs.

"This is our foreplay," Missy adds, making everyone but her and Clara make faces of disgust.

"I'm doomed to be forever surrounded by allosexuals with no libido control," Charlie groans and starts heading for the kitchen. "This is what I've been missing all this time. Brilliant."

Missy flutters her eyes at Clara. "Later?"

"Later," Clara agrees. She looks back at Theo. "Alright. I'm going to need about four glasses of wine, and for you all to start at the beginning."

Chapter Text

@stirmypotsy - OK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ARTICLE???

@horizongal (replying to @stirmypotsy) - I KNOW??

@saxonite - I FUCKING KNEW IT I KNEW IT WAS MISSODORE ALL ALONG IT HAD TO BE

@doctahpants (replying to @stirmypotsy) - part of me hopes its true because like?? Oh my god?? But also if it is true, they didn’t deserve to have their privacy violated like this??

@meme_face - whoever this Chang guy is, I want to deck him in the face, who the hell gives up someone’s important personal information like that, she was vulnerable and in rehab

@crystal_ss (replying to @meme_face) - honestly, is nothing sacred?

@yikes_lou - the mere concept of a Missodore child is just so wild?? I can’t even??

@stirmypotsy - I’m super here for it if it’s true but also?? What does this mean for Potsy?? What is the truth??

@songsmithfy - I mean, I just want to point out that even if Theo and Missy used to be a thing, that doesn’t mean he and River aren’t a thing now

@starsthemselves (replying to @songsmithfy) - agreed, there’s no way of knowing what the current situation is, even if it is true, and how do we have any way of knowing??

@merganfm - I am??? so on board but also how DARE they? Like everyone involved needs to step Back and leave them alone?? god there's no respect for privacy anymore

@girldressedinblack - I can’t even imagine being a celebrity like having to deal with people doing this kind of shit

@queenbaloo - is it just me or does this Kovarian chick seem to have it out for them?? she sprung that interview on them and now this??

@meme_face (replying to @queenbaloo) - she has a long history of writing cleverly disparaging articles about them, yes

@stirmypotsy (replying to @meme_face) - CAN WE FIGHT HER

@spacedracula (replying to @stirmypotsy) - my investigation has had me discover she does not have Twitter so I don’t think so

@yikes_lou (replying to @spacedracula) - goddamnit

@spaceacepupper (replying to @spacedracula) - maybe there’s another way?? attacking people online isn’t a good idea but if we used our numbers somehow?

@flossbucket (replying to @spaceacepupper)   - ooh! how?

“Have you guys seen this?”

Clara strides into the room, where after their first show back on the other side of the world, Event Horizon have been cracking open drinks and congratulating themselves on a job well done. Twitter has been an absolute shitstorm since the article’s release, and they’re all avoiding it.

Their manager, however, is currently holding her iPad and looking at them all with an odd, almost breathless smile.

“Seen what?” Nardole asks her.

“What’s trending on Twitter right now,” Clara says, holding out the iPad to Theo, who takes it with a look of bemusement.

A moment later, his face shifts to something akin to disbelief, then something softer but harder to identify as his finger scrolls the screen down.

“What-” He doesn’t finish the sentence.

Missy and Bill get up to peer over his shoulder at the screen, and Bill is amazed to see that under ‘Trending’ is #EventHorizonSeattle and #FuckOffKovarian.

@rainbowrosie - We love #EventHorizon and respect their privacy #FuckOffKovarian

@flossbucket - the #EventHorizon family may or may not be bigger than we thought but sharing that is THEIR decision #FuckOffKovarian

@merganfm - Event Horizon are an inspiration every day and we love them #FuckOffKovarian

The tweets just keep going and going, an outpouring of love and support as well as collective spite against someone that a fair portion of their fandom seems to have realised is a subtle attacker in the media and not someone they can go against in the more traditional Twitter sense.

“Oh my god,” Bill says.

“Aren’t they clever little cookies,” Missy murmurs, voice slightly weighted with emotion.

@mastersfan - @missymasters is an inspiration to recovering addicts everywhere and she doesn’t deserve this regardless of whether or not the speculation is true #FuckOffKovarian

“Oh,” Bill hears Missy say even more softly.

Where Missy’s hand had come to rest on Theo’s shoulder, his free one moves up to cover it and give it a little squeeze as he looks up at her with a proud little smile.

“You’ve got a small army, Koschei,” he says.

“How about that,” Missy breathes, looking more affected by the situation than Bill would have expected. “Never thought I’d ever have more than one friend, me. Definitely never thought anyone would think me worth anything like this.”

Theo’s gaze is inexplicably tender as he looks at her. “You always have been, Koschei.”

“Not always,” she murmurs. “Though it's nice that you think so. I’ve certainly been trying for a while.”

Nardole finally peeks over for a look. “Ooooh. Lovely.” He nudges Missy. “They really do love you, don’t they?”

“Well, why wouldn’t they, I’m a delight,” Missy says, lifting her chin, her voice still a bit too thick to carry off the dismissive air she seems to be aiming for. Her eyes are not entirely dry. 

“Exactly,” Bill says, moving to nudge her shoulder with her own, and Missy gives her a little smile.

“Right, well, anyway, time for all of you to get drunk and me to drink a bit and hopefully seduce this idiot later,” Missy says, ruffling Theo’s hair.

“You know, ‘hopefully seduce’ implies it’s necessary to try and that he doesn’t turn into jelly just from you touching his hair,” Nardole says dubiously.

Theo turns pink and they all laugh a little.

“This is the stupidest idea any of us have ever had.”

“This is a great idea.”

“This is never going to work.”

“This is absolutely going to work.”

Bill stares at the four figures in front of her, all blue haired with sunglasses and similar but not exactly identical outfits consisting mostly of leather jackets and colourful leggings.

Second from the left is Ashildr, the original model and current bemoaner of their endeavour. On her right is Clara, who has mostly been complaining about having to wear a restrictive bra to make up for the fact that her chest is well endowed compared to the others, two of three of whom are flat chested as all hell.

Making up the rest of the numbers are Charlie and Susan, who had joined Event Horizon in the States a couple of weeks after their arrival, as discreetly as possible.

“This is brilliant ,” Theo remarks, grinning. “Come on, Ash, it’s clever.”

“I really don’t think I suit blue hair,” Charlie says, “but I’m just happy to be here. My complaining will resume in about a week.”

“Uncle Theo, while I’m more than happy to help, I have to say that I still don’t quite understand why you’ve had me come all the way across the world to wear a wig and follow your opening act around,” Susan says from behind the pair of sunglasses that look particularly ridiculous on her narrow, pixie-like face, especially compared to Ashildr and Clara’s wider ones.

“Because you have a portable job, and you’re of a similar height to the rest of them, and frankly the only one I trust to have the ability to actually keep an eye on your cousin,” Theo replies.

Susan looks at Charlie, with a small smile. “Yes, well, cousin is still a word I’m getting used to. Though the flight over was an interesting bonding experience.”

Charlie grins back. “For a stiff, you’re alright.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Susan says to her.

“The aim is to confuse, right?” Bill asks Theo. “Yeah? Good, then we’re golden, honestly, because I’ve been watching this from the start and heard you explain it like three times and I’m still confused.”

“We need to be able to bring Charlie with us without people actually taking notice of her and putting the obvious together,” Theo says. “So, we’re making a mob of fake Ashildrs, because Ashildr is strange enough to do something like this with zero explanation. Susan is here to make up the numbers, and because I need someone to keep an eye on my daughter who I absolutely do not trust as far as I could throw her, since her stepmother is currently in a different country.”

“And because I wanted to take the chance to get to know the closest thing I have to a peer, in this family,” Susan adds.

“How old are you, anyway? You never said,” Charlie asks her, suspiciously. “You don’t look much older than me, but you act like a thirty five year old.”

Susan smiles and shrugs. “That’s my business.”

“You sound like Max,” Theo mutters.

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment, Susan.”

Susan smiles a little enigmatically. “I know.”

The crew that help them organise the staging for the continuation of their tour are definitely confused by the presence of two girls in blue wigs following Ashildr around. (Clara only joins them when they’re out in places where they might get caught on camera, and stays herself while inside and needing to actually do her job.)

“Are they not… going on with her - with them , sorry,” one of the men asks, scratching the back of his head.

“It’s… complicated,” Bill can only say. “Just don’t worry about them.”

The tour continues, with no sign of Star Girl in the audience, and Bill’s fear that Star Girl has been discouraged by the supposed reveal of Bill and Missy’s romance unfortunately seems to have come to fruition.

“No sign of her,” Bill says after their first show back in the States.

“I can make a very firm statement that we are not-”

“It won’t help, Missy, they’ll just think we’re denying it,” Bill sighs, draping herself across the bus’ window seat.

“They might, since Kovarian’s article has people getting louder about me and Thete,” Missy points out, “we could just publically announce that we are, in fact, a couple. Albeit an unconventional one.”

“You can’t do that-”

“Our stupid publicity stunt isn’t more important than your happiness, Bill,” Theo interrupts. “I think Missy’s right. We should just come clean, so there’s no possible way your girl could have the wrong idea.”

“You guys would do that for me?” Bill asks, mouth falling open a little.

“Of course,” they say at the exact same moment, with identical expressions of seriousness.

“While that’s nauseatingly sweet, you can’t do that,” Ashildr drawls from the corner, not looking up from their Nintendo, which the Pokemon theme music has been quietly emanating from for the last half an hour.

“Why not, short stuff?”

“Because you’d be giving Kovarian credibility, and you’re trying to adamantly deny the whole kid thing, remember?” Ashildr says, rolling their eyes.

“Or did you want to announce me to the world?” Charlie asks, lifting an eyebrow. She’s currently sitting near Ashildr and seems to be texting furiously without looking at her keyboard.  

“Shit,” Missy mutters.

“Ah. That.” Theo runs a hand down his face. “I knew there was a reason we hadn’t done that already.”

“It’s fine, guys, you’re acting like this is super serious and not me having a stupid crush on someone I’ve never actually met,” Bill tells them, pushing down the tiniest bit of hope and excitement that had had time to bloom in her chest.

“We all know it’s more than that, Pottsie,” Missy says, frowning. “If it weren’t for Charlie, you know I would-”

“Hang on, now you’re making me feel like an arsehole just for existing,” Charlie says, sitting up a bit and looking up from her phone. “I don’t want to be kept a secret if it loses Bill her girl.”

“Tough,” Theo tells her. “It isn’t an option yet.”

“Why not? Saxon already knows about me, so what’s the harm?”

“You can’t possibly imagine how much your life will change the moment everyone knows about you, Charlotte,” Missy tells her sharply.

“You know, you’re right, my life of sneaking around in the shadows to avoid the people who will be coming for my privacy is so wildly different,” Charlie retorts.

Ashildr sniggers a bit. The cheerful travel music of the Pokemon game does strange things to the tense atmosphere of the conversation, and Bill isn’t sure if she’s glad of it or wishes it weren’t there.

“I just… think it’s surely my decision now, mostly,” Charlie says, more quietly.

“You’re barely legally an adult, let alone mentally, I won’t have you acting rashly now and regretting it for the rest of your life,” Missy snaps.

Charlie jumps to her feet, eyes flashing. “I’m not a child, mentally or otherwise!”

Missy sneers. “Congratulations, you just said the most affirmingly childish phrase known to humankind. You’re not winning this argument, Charlotte, sit down before you embarrass yourself further.”

“Screw you,” Charlie tells her, heading for the door.

“Don’t you dare step outside of this bus without-”

“I’m taking the wig and sunglasses, calm the fuck down, I’m not an idiot.”

“Could have fooled me, kiddo.”

Charlie snorts and jams the stupid elements of disguise on her head before stepping out of the bus and slamming the door behind her. Ashildr lets out a long, drawn out whistle in her wake, arching an eyebrow at Missy, who now has the attention of the room.

Missy looks to Theo, who had been silent the entire time and is now eyeing her with a vague sort of disappointment.

“Thanks a bunch for your help, Thete,” Missy tells him, scowling.

“Oh yes, because I have such a fantastic history of having her listen to me!” he replies, eyebrows shooting up. “I would have only made things worse.”

“You know, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I actually think you would have helped,” she says, sighing. “You’re not half as useless a parent as you think you are.”

Theo seems unconvinced. “Do you want me to go and talk to her?”

“Do whatever the hell you want, Thete,” Missy says, sounding very tired and headed for her room, “I’m going to bed. But if our daughter is not back here and still unknown to the public in the morning, I will murder you in your sleep.”

Theo watches her disappear behind her door and sighs heavily, his hand travelling over his face. “I’m starting to remember why I went travelling when Charlie was young. Somehow, looking after Charlie together brings out… clashes.”

“I always figured that if you really wanted to, you can commit to making it work,” Bill says. “Me and Penny didn’t not work out because we didn’t like each other enough, it was because she wasn’t willing to put in the effort.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to run away, so there we are,” Theo murmurs. “Bill, can you check on Charlie, please? Susan’s working on her book. I’m not sure I’m who she wants to see right now.”

Bill sits up. “Yeah, totally. I’m sure she would want to see you though. She loves you guys so much.”

“I know,” Theo says with a sad little smile. “But we’re all rather… difficult.”

“.... got me there,” Bill admits, with a half hearted chuckle. “Okay, I’ll be back.”

With that, she heads outside. It doesn’t take her longer than a few seconds to spot Charlie, who is standing less than ten metres off and is talking to someone on her phone.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s fine, I’m just hanging out with my parents for once, it’s really nice. Not sure when I’ll be back but I will be back. Yeah.” She turns around and sees Bill, not even a modicum of surprise registering on her face. “Look, I gotta go, Devan. I love you. Talk later.”

She hangs up and puts her phone in her jacket pocket along with her hands.

“Hey,” Bill says to her, and Charlie turns around to look at her. Her expression is difficult to read. “You alright?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing new really,” she says, shrugging. “I guess I just thought things might be different now.” She kicks her boot toe into the ground. “Stupid of me, really.”

“It wasn’t stupid of you, there’s just a lot going on,” Bill tells her. “Look, I won’t even pretend that I can understand what all this hiding must have been like for you. But you know their reasons are good.”

“Their reasons were good,” Charlie snaps, face darkening. “Now it’s just bullshit. It’s not their decision anymore-”

“I mean, everyone will know about their relationship now, so it does affect them-”

“They just offered to tell everyone about that, for you.”

“Oh. Right. Good point.” Bill doesn’t know what to say, really, and there’s an awkward silence that is made slightly less awkward by the fact that Charlie soon goes to send a few texts. “So. You were lying to a friend of yours about where you are?”

“Well, since I’m apparently forbidden from telling the truth, yeah,” Charlie says, bitterly. “And I’m not happy about it.”

Bill lifts an eyebrow. “Never would have guessed.”

Charlie takes a moment, and then snorts. “Sorry. Teenage angst. Ignore me.”

“Not really the typical kind, though, is it?”

“Maybe not, but still. It’s fine. I’ll just… behave, for now, and do as I’m told, I guess,” she says, only to make a face, “God, I can’t even say that sentence without wanting to puke.”

Bill shakes her head. “You’re so your mother’s daughter.”

Charlie brightens a bit at that. “I’m definitely that.”

The video for Saxon’s song ‘Perfect Ending’ drops a few days later, and the word sickening doesn’t quite cover it.

The video depicts Saxon trapped in some kind of dark cellar as he sings, lyrics reminiscing about good days past and moving forward to better things. The song has always unnerved Bill in a way that she could never quite describe; the lyrics are positive enough, at least on the surface, about fighting for the ending in life you want no matter the adversity, but there has always been something sinister she couldn’t identify until now.

One of the lines in the first verse is could anyone understand you like me? Bill shivers at the same time she sees Missy’s first clench.

As the song continues, with the chorus talking of it’s been years since anyone could stop me / I’m shining brighter than ever, baby , the video gets more concerning. There amidst the shots of Saxon in the cellar are desaturated shots of Saxon amidst a group of people, laughing with them and exchanging affection in a large, fancy house. Eventually, in these flashbacks, the group turn on him and lock him in the basement.

However, it turns out that the plot of the video is that Saxon, during the bridge, tears his way out of the cellar, which belongs to the house seen in the flashbacks. There are indications of a gathering upstairs, and Saxon sets the house on fire before walking away with a smile on his face.

The whole band family had gathered to watch it together, Charlie squeezed between her parents and Bill on Missy’s other side, Nardole on Theo’s. Clara and Ashildr stand nearby. 

As the video ends, Bill is amazed that Missy hasn’t broken her hand with how hard she is squeezing it. Bill can’t find it in herself to protest, because she’s too busy feeling absolutely nauseous.

There is silence.

“Everyone is going to love it,” Ashildr says, jaw clenched.

“Of course they are,” Missy replies, her eyes so very distant even as she speaks as if they’re discussing the weather. “It’s objectively fantastic art. They have no way of knowing what it-”

Her voice wavers and she leans into Charlie, who is frozen but trembling.

“He can’t - it doesn't seem fair that he can just do that,” Charlie says. She looks younger than Bill has ever seen her, blue eyes wide and scared - but with a hint of anger starting to creep in.

“He’s a white man at the top of his game, he can do whatever he pleases,” Bill says with a scowl.

Everyone in the room visibly makes a face, ones of various stages of resignation at the way of the world.

“So what? We just let him walk all over us?” Charlie demands, shaking more now and standing up so she can pace the length of the room. “We just let him win ?”

“No,” Missy says sharply. “We do not let him win. We do not let him control the narrative.” She is still distant, her mind almost audibly whirring as she considers something deeply. Bill is not sure how worried to be.

“Well, we’d better think of something,” Ashildr says, quietly. “Because there’s a good chance he’ll win Artist of the Year at the VMAs, right? Him or River, when they inevitably get nominated.”

“It’s a strong possibility, yes,” Theo says, speaking up for the first time after having been staring at the screen. “Why?”

Ashildr swallows. “Because I’ve been asked to present the award. I might have to stand next to that piece of shit and smile at him and touch his hand and not punch him.”

“... ah,” he says, grimacing. “That’s… unfortunate.”

“Do you really have to not punch him in this scenario?” Charlie asks darkly.

“Sadly.”

“Well, shit.”

Chapter Text

MTV VMAs 2017: The Full Nominations List

Category - News

by Jilly Kitzinger

The 2017 MTV Video Music Awards will be held on August 27 at the Forum in Inglewood, Calif. Today, the full list of nominees has been revealed.

Vera Juarez, River Song, Ed Sheeran, Harry Saxon, Chance the Rapper, Event Horizon, Alessia Cara, Bad Wolves and Beetles, Queen Racnoss, and many others are up for awards. Find the entire list below. Juarez and Song lead with the most nominations total. Progress this year can be seen in the ceremony’s new non-gendered category of Artist of the Year - replacing the previous categories of Best Female/Male. There is also a new category labelled Best Fight Against The System, which is, according to a statement from MTV, intended to recognise videos which “inspire viewers to stand up and fight injustice”.

During last year’s VMAs, Vera Juarez  received the Video Vanguard award after a performance of four career spanning medleys, including her breakout and still recording holding single “Fireproof”. River Song also performed a medley of ‘Dear Future Husband’ tracks, securing her place as another queen of the public’s hearts, and took home the award for Best Pop Video for “Shut Up And Drive”.

Video of the Year

Event Horizon ft. River Song: “Hell In High Heels”

Bad Wolves and Beetles: “London Running”

Alessia Cara: “Scars To Your Beautiful”

Harry Saxon: “Perfect Ending”

Sheffield Steel: “Rosa”

Vera Juarez: “Not A Miracle”

Artist of the Year

Vera Juarez

Ed Sheeran

Harry Saxon

River Song

Ariana Grande

Bruno Mars

Best New Artist

Khalid

Ashildr

Noah Cyrus

Rachel Cynthia

Julia Michaels

Luke Smith and the Bannermen

Best Rock Video

Event Horizon ft. River Song “Hell In High Heels”

Fall Out Boy: “Young and Menace”

Harry Saxon: “Perfect Ending”

Black Guardian: “Bird in Black”

Glitz: “Back Again”

Coldplay: “Head Full of Dreams”

Best Collaboration

Event Horizon ft River Song: “Hell In High Heels”

Grant Gordon and Lucy Fletcher: “Masks”

Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez: “We Don’t Talk Anymore”

Black Guardian ft. Vis Turlough: “Schoolboy Assassin”

Zayn and Taylor Swift: “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever”

Bad Wolves and Beetles ft. Queen Racnoss: “Rematch”

 

Best Pop Video

River Song: “A History of Escaping”

Bad Wolves and Beetles: “London Running”

Ed Sheeran: “Shape of You”

Neverland: “Natural History”

Vera Juarez: “Not A Miracle”

Queen Racnoss: “Still Alive”

Best Dance Video

The Mara: “Inside Your Head”

Zedd and Alessia Cara: “Stay”

Rachel Cynthia: “Real”

Calvin Harris: “My Way”

Grant Gordon: “Flying”

Lucy Fletcher: “Finding You Out”

Best Hip Hop Video

Kendrick Lamar: “Humble”

Magnus Chief: “War Games”

Chance the Rapper: “Same Drugs”

Big Sean: “Bounce Back”

DJ Khaled: “I’m The One” (ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and Lil Wayne)

Lee Slitheen: “Blathering”

Best Fight Against The System

Sheffield Steel: “Rosa”

Magnus Chief: “War Games”

The Hamilton Mixtape: “Immigants - We Get The Job Done”

Logic: “Black Spider-Man”

Alessia Cara: “Scars To Your Beautiful”

Vera Juarez: “F*** Your Categories”

Chapter Text

“We’re idiots. We forgot about the Americans!” 

“What?” 

Bill holds up her phone, which has the nomination list for the VMAs. “The Americans. We’ve been worrying about Ash having to give the award to Saxon, but there’s no way that absolute legend and queen Vera Juarez isn’t going to win.” 

Theo shrugs. “She and River are tied for nominations. Vera Juarez is a legend, but even legends can’t stay on top forever, and she’s been there for a while now.” 

“And we’ve seen the sheer numbers and power of the influence Harry has been gaining recently,” Missy says tightly. “So we can’t get comfortable. We have to prepare for the worst.” 

Ashildr, who is on the other side of the hotel room practising choreography with Charlie, adds, “don’t forget that we need to practice for our performance too. Your daughter is a decent dancer, by the way.” 

Charlie’s style of dance is a bit strange, all wild movements and powerful gesture, but the key to dance is doing every move with confidence and meaning and charisma, and she certainly has that. It fits Ashildr’s style of music quite well. 

Charlie strikes a pose when Ashildr delivers the compliment. “Thanks, Ash.” 

“Could she be one of our actual backup dancers for the show?” Ashildr asks. 

“No,” Theo and Missy say at the same time. 

“Spoilsports,” Charlie mutters, though doesn’t seem surprised or angry, just vaguely disappointed. “Don’t worry, I’ll be backstage and disguised like a good girl through all the performances.” 

“You’d better be,” Missy tells her pointedly. “Or there will be hell to pay. In more ways than one.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Charlie says, heading off to her room. 

Bill looks up from her phone, where she has taken up the sad hobby of trying to see if she can randomly stumble upon Star Girl on Twitter somewhere. 

“She’s being pretty good about all this, you know,” Bill says to Missy and Theo. 

“I know,” Missy says, pinching the bridge of her nose. “But I can’t tell her that. If I give her an inch she’ll run a mile and we can't afford that right now.” 

Ashildr, their face as unreadable as ever, excuses themself and leaves the hotel room to head back to their own. 

Bill, meanwhile, from what she knows of Charlie, has to admit that Missy probably has a point. 

“River will be coming out here a bit before the award show, right? When will we see her?” Bill asks instead. 

Theo brightens a bit. “Couple of weeks. Which then gives us a couple of weeks to work on what we’re going to perform.” 

“I want to do The Bitch Is Back,” Missy says abruptly, expression hard. “If he’s going to be there, I need to do that one. River and Ashildr with us, if they want to be. United front of fuck you as best we can.”

Theo nods once and glances at Bill, who also nods. It is not something Bill had even considered, but all at once it is obvious that it is what they need to do. 

“Yeah, we’re definitely doing that,” Bill agrees. 

Missy's expression softens a fraction as she looks at them with relief. "Good. Yeah. Yeah." She takes a deep breath. "We can do this." 

Theo smiles, that special smile of his reserved for only those closest to him, where his eyes twinkle. "Course we can." 

The road to the VMAs is, oddly, uneventful for the most part. As uneventful as a global scale music tour can be, anyway. 

As far as any of them can make out, no one seems to have had any major suspicions about the identity of Ashildr's strange blue haired doppelganger entourage. Charlie seems almost disappointed that no one is scrambling to try and work out who she and Susan are, but Bill happens to think she's taking the secret identity thing like a champ, still. 

July flies by, and it's mid August before Bill knows it. There has still been no word or sighting of Star Girl, which is beyond disheartening, but Bill has come to expect it. She hasn't given up, not exactly, but she's made peace with the likelihood of disappointment, in order to try and preserve her heart. She doesn't want to become jaded when there is still so much of her life to go. 

As per Bill's prediction, the predicted winners of Artist of the Year are Vera Juarez and Harry Saxon. One is an icon of the decade, and Saxon is just too fucking charming and popular. It makes Bill's blood boil. The closer the VMAs get, the more disgusting admiration and fangirling of Saxon she sees online, she gets nauseous every time. Missy and Theo just blatantly have anything to do with him blocked, on the orders of the rest of the group, for their own mental wellbeing. They had agreed only when Clara and Bill had promised to give them any important updates on him. 

They had tried to convince Charlie to block everything about him too, since surely knowing what he had done to her parents couldn't be good for her, but Charlie had refused point blank. 

"How am I supposed to keep them safe if I don't know what's going on?" she had asked, and upon being told repeatedly by Jack and Clara that it wasn't her job to keep them safe, she had snorted and refused to agree. "For you, it's your jobs. For me, that's my parents, and I'm never going to let anything happen to them ever again." 

Bill had waited until they were outside on a hotel balcony in Texas - the penthouse balcony, specifically, too far up to be bothered by paparazzi at all - before trying to talk to Charlie about it. 

"You know that he's more dangerous than you can handle, right?" Bill asks her slowly. "Saxon. Are you under some kind of impression that you can handle him better, somehow? Your parents are serious badasses, and he was too much for them." 

"They were crippled by their relationship with him, it was different," Charlie replies, her expression hardening. She's still wearing the blue wig, as is the rule for whenever she ventures outside at all, but no sunglasses becaue it's almost midnight. "He has nothing on me." 

"He has everything on you, everything to do with your parents," Bill insists. "Please. Just promise me that you won't do anything stupid." 

Charlie stares at her. It is a long, uncomfortable silence that has Bill regretting saying anything at all, or near enough. Charlie's blue eyes are piercing and indecisive. 

"I promise I won't do anything stupid," she says eventually, with some reluctance. 

"Good." 

River arrives on the 20th of August, a week before the awards. It's a tricky line to walk, making a dramatic entrance while also trying to be subtle for the sake of dodging the eyes of the press, but it doesn't come as any major surprise that River Song is able to do cartwheels over that line with ease. 

There are no actual cartwheels involved, but Bill doesn't doubt that River could probably do them just fine if she put her mind to it. 

Charlie runs into River's arms the moment she comes through the door to their hotel room, before even Theo can get in, and River displays her always unexpected strength by being able to lift Charlie entirely off the ground as she swings her in a circle. 

"Hello darling," she says with a delighted laugh. "Interesting wig. I like it." 

Charlie snorts and lets go of her. "Thanks. Me too. Susan is less pleased." 

River looks to Susan with eyes that sparkle with amusement. "It's not quite your best look, darling, but you pull it off better than I would have ever expected, if that's any consolation." 

"A little," Susan says, chuckling, coming in for a quick hug. "It's good to see you, River. You really do have a way of lighting up the room." 

"That sounded like some kind of gay nonsense that Potsy would normally be spouting," Missy says from the couch. "Careful, Susan, we only have room for one useless lesbian on this tour, with a guest spot open for Helen Sinclair. And you're supposed to have a boyfriend." 

"I do have a boyfriend, thank you very much," Susan sniffs. "And he's very nice." 

"Charming." 

"The sarcasm is unnecessary, Missy."

The ride to the VMAs is at least luxurious, with all of them able to travel in the limo, including Charlie and Susan still in their disguises. Theo is between River and Missy, of course, with Bill on Missy’s other side. Missy is squeezing her hand quite hard, but Bill doesn’t mind in the slightest. 

Ashildr is texting even faster than Charlie is. Judging by the way they keep occasionally looking up from opposite corners of the limo to smirk at each other, perhaps they’re trying to have a competition.

Susan and Charlie make a discreet exit with Clara towards the staff and manager entrances of the venue, while the others brave the cameras and clouds. 

Theodore is in his classic suit with the velvet coat, looking as strange and dashing as always. He walks arm in arm with Nardole, who is in a wonderful striped waistcoat. Missy’s dress is slinky and dark purple, her hair up in a nice updo for now, but it will be out and wild for their performance later in the evening. Bill is in a bright yellow gown that makes her feel like a princess, her hair in a bun with a sparkling headband that almost looks like a tiara. 

Ashildr, for reasons only known to immortal trickster deities such as themself, is still wearing the large sunglasses even as they strut down the carpet in a classic black and white suit with blue tie. (Susan and Charlie are also sporting it, and Bill makes a mental note to ensure Charlie doesn’t try and use it to get free alcohol). 

Saxon arrives right after they do, because of course he does. He is dressed to the nines and probably looks fantastic - but Bill is too gay and full of loathing to be able to be truly sure. To her he looks like a rat in silk. 

Once inside, it’s all seating arrangements and timing plans for when they need to duck out and get changed for their performance. 

Saxon’s performance is first, and ‘Perfect Ending’ is as chilling as it ever is. The crowd adores it and he devours the attention with outstretched arms and a grin he focuses on them. 

Video of the Year is announced immediately after. Vera Juarez stands on the stage, her silver dress twinkling against the lights, and she gives them all a warm, measured smile. Everything she does is effortlessly elegant and gorgeous, and Bill finds herself enamoured. 

“It is my pleasure to announce that Video of the Year goes to… Bad Wolves and Beetles, for ‘London Running’!” 

Bill cheers as loud as she can as the crowd erupts around her. ‘London Running’s video is fantastic, with montages of the band members being chased by various fears and phantoms before they find each other at the end and stand their ground. Some of the fears are silly, like space aliens that seem to be purposefully low budget, but others are more like shadows and insecurities, and the whole thing comes together in a way only Bad Wolves and Beetles could pull off. 

James, Rose, Martha and Donna take the stage and embrace each other in celebration. 

“Just want to say a huge thank you to all the amazing crew who worked their butts on those videos,” Rose says as she takes to the microphone. “We couldn’t have done it without you, or without our fans who encourage our absolute weirdness-” 

“Mainly James’ absolute weirdness, let’s be honest here, Tyler,” Donna drawls next to her, and the crowd chuckles while James just sheepishly runs a hand through his great hair and shrugs. 

“Yeah, fair cop,” Rose agrees. “Anyway, you’re all amazing, you have a great night!” 

They exit the stage, and it’s time for Bill and the others to head backstage and get ready for their performance of ‘The Bitch Is Back’, a remix featuring River and Ashildr, the latter having written a new rap verse to go with it. Rap isn’t usually Ashildr’s style, but they’ve been experimenting with it and this new verse is exactly what this new version needs. 

Usually Missy would be loath to give River any spotlight in any song, let alone her own, but tonight is different. Tonight is about unity. In their rehearsals, they worked together better than they had any right to, two powerhouses and presences that together could surely do anything . 

Bill’s never really been too sure what she believes in. She’s not religious. But getting ready with the others backstage, everyone in a different colour of the rainbow (Theo in red velt, Nardole in orange waistcoat and trousers, Bill in yellow mini shorts, River in dark green, Ashildr in blue, Missy in purple), Bill realises she believes in them . Saxon might be a scary fucker, but he’s just one person. 

The song starts, and they stride onto the stage. Only Nardole is stuck at his instrument and already in place - Missy is not being confined to her keyboard tonight. The atmosphere is electric. 

River is fantastic, of course, letting Missy start strong but coming in to support, the lyrics fitting her almost as perfectly as their author. 

Missy is something else altogether. She’s so angry , practically spitting the words into the microphone, and the choreography she’s worked out with River is borderline violent but they’re in perfect time, two bitches who are absolutely not to be fucked with. 

They launch into a dance break choreographed to look like an action fight between the two of them, and Ashildr slides through them in a moment they’re apart, launching into the new rap as the crowd screams. They’re angry too, their usually surreal and controlled performing face giving into the energy of the song and their group. 

When they’re done, they jump back on the keys, filling in Missy’s part to allow her and River to keep building the energy. In the last line of the song, both River and Missy go for what looks like a punch, a solid one that will actually hit, but at the last second their hands clasp and they swing to face the crowd with triumphant solidarity. 

The crowd explodes before them. Bill and the others move to stand with River and Missy, all clasping hands, and Bill’s racing heart flies in those moments. She knows she’ll do anything to keep them all safe. 

She chances a look at Saxon, who is looking at them without an unfathomable expression. For once, his signature smirk is not present. Not at least until he notices Bill’s attention, meets her eyes, and smiles at her in a way that is somehow worse. 

She refuses to let the fear take hold. She meets his eyes for a moment longer, not letting herself waver, before ignoring him and returning to the jubilation around her. 

They leave the stage, and find themselves surrounded by Luke Smith and the Bannermen, who all shower them with praise, Missy and River in particular. Missy wipes at her eyes delicately. Bill hadn’t realised, but she has tears in her eyes. 

“Thanks, kiddos,” she tells them, “break a leg out there.” 

“You alright?” Bill asks her. 

“I feel everything with the intensity of a hurricane, Pottsie, you know that,” Missy tells her, “Saxon burns like a wildfire and god knows it was something we had in common. I’ll be alright. It’s exactly what I wanted to be feeling. Just takes a bit out of me.” 

“You were great,” Ashildr says to her. “That was something else.” 

“You brought it to another level,” Missy replies, booping them on the nose. “They’ll be all scrambling to see you, now. Jack of all trades.”

“That’s me,” Ashildr says, bringing their sunglasses back down over their eyes where they had been resting on their head for the performance. “Anyway. I’m going to go take a shit before I get my suit back on. Do they have gender neutral bathrooms here?” 

They walk away before anyone can answer them. 

“Charming as always,” River remarks. 

“You wish you had as much charm as their bottom, Song,” Missy says with a snort. 

“Please, do me the favour of putting that amount of charm into a definitive measurement,” River says, hands on hips and eyebrows up. “I don’t actually care about proving I definitely do have more charm than Ashildr’s arse, but watching you come up with the measuring system will bring me enough joy to last for weeks.” 

Missy stares at her. “I’ll be back in approximately thirteen minutes. I need to see if anyone’s got a good old fashioned blackboard. Whiteboard if I must be seen being a basic bitch.” 

With that, she leaves as well. 

“Um,” is all Bill is able to say. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Nardole agrees. 

Theo just sighs.

“What?” River asks him. “I provided her with a wonderful distraction to not think about Saxon. It’s a good thing. You heard her. It’ll keep her occupied for a full thirteen minutes.” 

“More importantly, Ashildr’s category is next,” Bill says, “this is so not the best time for them to take a shit.” 

Luckily, by the time they get back to their seats, and the Best New Artist is announced, Ashildr is there to take the prize, if barely. 

“Look, I’m not one for speeches,” they say, as they hold the award. “So… just thanks. And I’m sorry for everything I’m about to do with my newfound power.” 

With that and a weird, vaguely evil laugh that has Bill and Nardole exchange disturbed glances, they come back to their seat and weigh the award in their hand. 

“Hmm. Thought it would be lighter, honestly,” they say. “Anyway, can you hold this? I need to pee.” 

“You just went!” Nardole says incredulously. 

“Yeah, but I’ve been drinking the free champagne backstage by the buttload, haven’t I?” Ashildr says with a chuckle. “Back in a sec. You can let me know what I miss.” 

Best Rock Video goes to Saxon, which sucks majorly, but they win Best Collaboration with River for ‘Hell In High Heels’, so that’s something. Since Ashildr isn’t back, Bill awkwardly holds their award behind her back.

Ashildr finally returns just as Vera Juarez takes Best Pop Video for ‘Not A Miracle’, and silently takes the award back from Bill as they sit down. The Mara (a weird soloist who always dresses in green with sequins and has an actually surgically altered forked tongue) then wins Best Dance Video for ‘Inside Your Head’ and  Lee Slitheen’s ‘Blathering’ takes Best Hip Hop video.

Each performance is also mesmerising in its own way - Vera Juarez really is something, and Lee Slitheen has the weirdest energy ever but Bill can see why people like it so much. It’s nice to be able to sit back and relax and enjoy the show. Only the worry of the Artist of the Year award remains. 

Finally, it comes to that moment. Ashildr’s suited form complete with blue hair and absurd sunglasses comes out from backstage and comes to the microphone. 

“And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for,” they say, far more hesitantly than usual, “the award for Artist of the Year. And this year, it goes to… Harold Saxon !” 

The crowd erupts in cheers, while Bill and her lot collectively groan, except Ashildr on her immediate right, who makes a small, pleased noise, which is odd. 

Wait. 

Bill glances next to her, at Ashildr, then at the stage, where Ashildr also stands. 

“What-” Bill tries to say, only to have her mouth covered. 

“Too late,” Ashildr whispers, and Bill realises why the Ashildr on stage sounded a bit odd. The voice just isn’t quite right. It’s a fantastic imitation, but Ashildr’s demeanour is difficult to replicate. 

Harry Saxon reaches the stage, and shakes the hand of the person who is definitely not the real Ashildr. 

“Thanks so much, it’s an honour,” he says, with a huge grin, taking the award and turning to face the audience. “Now, where to even begin-” 

“Just a moment,” Not Ashildr says, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him to face them. “One thing.” 

And with that, Harry Saxon is punched square in the face on live television, sending him flying to the ground as exclamations of shock ripple through the crowd. 

“What the fuck -” 

The wig and sunglasses fall to the ground, and Charlie stands on the stage over him for all the world to see. Theo, Missy and River freeze, and a hush falls over the arena. 

Charlie takes the microphone. “My name is Charlie Masters-Smith. And that was for my parents, you piece of human garbage. You know why,” she says, voice filled with a simmering rage that Bill can tell she is fighting to keep on a leash. Then she turns to the audience. “As for all of you. Yeah. I exist. No more rumours. And you bet the truth is coming for him too.” 

Members of security are making their way onto stage, and she just grins down at Saxon. 

“Soon they’ll all know what you did,” she says, “enjoy your piece of metal while you can.” 

Chapter Text

@saxonite - YES HARRY YOU DESERVE THIS 

@horizongal - yesssssss

@amatalefey - does anyone else think that Ashildr seems a bit off?? 

@spaceacepupper (replying to @amatalefey) - lowkey yes

@queenbaloo - WHAT JUST HAPPENED???

@saxonite - UH ASHILDR IS CANCELLED WTF

@yikes_lou - tea?? What the fuck?? 

@horizongal - this has gone from weird vibes to violence on live television what the hell?? 

@crystalss - I have no words yet

@doctahpants - THIS IS SO WILD

@girldressedinblack - wait. What’s happening who is that??

@horizongal - ????? 

@stirmypotsy - WHO IS THAT 

@flossbucket - CHARLIE MASTERS SMITH?!?!

@doctahpants - MISSODORE REAL MISSODORE REAL MISSODORE KID?!

@rainbowrosie - Missodore kid who is PISSED AS HELL?? Damn I think some of us were right I think he really did something fucked to them

@actualellewoods - “you know why??” “the truth is coming for you too??” holy shit this is historic I am dying 

@stirmypotsy - I feel like my entire worldview shifted and now I am ready to die for this kid 

@starsthemselves - I’ve had Charlie Masters-Smith for one minute and if anything happened to her!! 

@queenbaloo - fucking mood I just adopted her 

@missysumbrella - me too holy shit I can’t believe this

With that, Charlie is grabbed by security and removed from the stage, but she goes willingly. Missy takes off towards the backstage entrance with a look of murder itself on her face, while Theo and River turn to Ashildr. 

“What the hell have you done?” Theo asks them. 

“I helped one friend and started to avenge two others,” Ashildr says, crossing their arms. “I could apologise, but I’m not going to. Watching that was so fucking satisfying.” 

On stage, Vera and a couple of others hurry on to try and get the show moving again, but they’ve lost Event Horizon’s attention at the very least. Theo hops up, and Bill and River follow. Ashildr stays where they are. 

Bill and River sit outside the security while Theo goes inside. Not two minutes later, Harry Saxon himself strides past, holding a cluster of tissues to a bleeding nose. 

He reminds Bill, unpleasantly, of an apex predator stalking the hallway. He says nothing to Bill or River as he paces the same dozen feet once, then twice, then three times. 

River's hand had grabbed Bill's arm the moment Saxon appeared, and Bill now realises it had not been to stop Bill from engaging. River's fingernails are  digging into Bill's skin through the sleeve, too tight. 

Finally, Saxon heads into the office. Bill grips River's hand tightly to ensure she doesn't try to stop him. 

"What do you think is gonna happen?" Bill asks River. 

River exhales, short and tense. "Oh, I'm sure he'll find a way to make us pay for it as much as possible." 

"Yeah." Bill swallows. "It was… pretty awesome seeing him get punched, though. Again." 

"Punching him felt so good. I can't begrudge Charlie for doing the same." 

Bill has so many other things she could say or ask, but instead she leans her head on River's shoulder and closes her eyes, and waits for reality to come crashing back over them. 

At some point, the security office door opens and Saxon strides out again. Bill doesn't get a look at his face. 

The others come a moment later, a quiet Charlie between Theo and Missy. 

"Darling?" River asks Theo, when no one speaks at first. 

Theo's eyebrows are locked into their position of supreme worry. "He didn't press charges. He made a big kerfuffle and then played the magnimous hero and forgave the young troublemaker ." 

"Clearly I didn't hit him hard enough," Charlie says. 

"Oh, haven't you done enough, kit?" Missy snaps. 

Charlie scowls. "No, actually, I don't think so." 

Bill cannot help but interrupt, because while it's a relief that Charlie is not in any legal trouble, something in her stomach refuses to settle. 

"But wait, why would he do that?" Bill interrupts. "We know he'd never let us get away with it. So why do it?" 

"To make us sweat," Theo says, "to plan something more personal than just legal trouble." 

His words sink into the air, into their ears, and Bill's stomach only riots further. 

"Can we leave, now? I don't care if there are awards left." 

No one argues. But getting out of the building is a nightmare in itself, with the press rabid like dogs who have been promised steak. 

"Theo! Missy! Why hide your relationship and daughter from the public?" 

"Are you concerned about your daughter's behaviour and how it may reflect on you?" 

"Actually, I'm concerned that if you don't shut up and get out of my way, I'm going to hit you with my shoe," Theo snaps, with so much impatience that the reporter in question shrinks back enough for Theo to clear a path to the car that Jack has waiting. 

It's a good thing, too, because River seems to be holding Missy back from diving into the swarm after another reporter who asked a similar question. 

"Anything my daughter knows, she learned from me," Missy snarls at the crowd. "So fuck right off or Saxon's nose won't be the only one who gets it!" 

Well. Their careers might be over, now, but Bill doesn't quite find the energy to care as she clambers into the car. 

They avoid the press for days. Clara is monitoring it all, keeping them up to date with the basics  – that there is drastic debate on internet forums on the matter of the punch, whether it was deserved, whether it is ever alright to punch anyone, and the entire affair around Saxon. As expected, most major media outlines are posting bullshit headlines sympathising with Saxon and talking about Event Horizon going off the deep end, but Clara does assure them that the nuance is being seen and discussed in most reasonable circles.

“Thank you,” Missy says after the third day’s report.

The real sign of this being a dire time is how Missy is being sincerely kind and minimally malicious towards Clara. It feels wrong . Missy is a wildfire at the moment, burning hot and cold at the slightest whim, for absolutely everything except apparently the tiny brunette she is usually at war with. 

A few days turns into a week. Bill finds herself on Twitter when she isn’t curled up with Theo or River, or playing video games with Charlie. 

At one point Ashildr joins them and seizes the controller to put on one of the Dark Souls games that Bill will never, ever attempt. It is, at least, amusing to watch Ashildr get their arse handed to them by a tall dude with two swords – one sword fiery, one sword purple for a reason Bill is unclear on. 

“How is this fun for you?” Bill asks. “That’s the sixth time he’s got you.” 

“Yeah, but I’ve nearly got the rhythm down, I got to his second phase,” Ashildr says. “Besides, I wanna talk to you, and this is relaxing.” 

“This is relaxing ?!” Bill frowns. “Wait, why do you wanna talk to me? Why do you need to be relaxed?” 

“Because then maybe you’ll be a bit more relaxed, and won’t die of a heart attack on the spot.” 

“... Ashildr. I swear to god. Spit it out.” 

Ashildr exhales, long and slow, and taps the button to pass through the fog wall that will take their character back into the boss arena for the next attempt. 

“Someone’s been liking your tweets a lot, replying a lot. And obviously thousands of people do that. But I noticed this person because they were like, a new rabid fan, not one of the icons I recognised.” 

“... okay. So what? New fan isn’t so bad. Or are they like… weird?” 

Ashildr swallows. The avatar on the screen takes a hit that slices through the majority of its health and Ashildr curses as the damning words YOU DIED appear in all capitals. 

They turn to look at Bill, more serious than perhaps they’ve ever been. 

“Bill, she’s got a star in her eye. In her pictures. Just like how you described it. She’s brought back an old account, looks like. I think she’s finally trying to find you.” 

Chapter Text

Bill spends the next few days having a crisis. It’s a mix of gay panic, disbelief, and decision paralysis, which makes for a cocktail more nauseating than anything Bill has consumed before. Because Ashildr is absolutely right. The moment Bill clicks on the Twitter profile, the picture in the icon is an exact match, even down to the star in her eye. Her bio lists her as “Heather” and her handle is @getmeoutofhere. 

Heather. It’s a name that Bill has never given a second thought, and now it sits on her tongue all day, light and beautiful and so full of possibility. Bill imagines saying it to her, should they ever come face to face, only to cringe at herself as her imagination finds a thousand ways she could blunder. 

Even in Bill’s daydreams, her game is hit and miss at best. 

Ashildr tells no one else, because of course they don’t. The only good thing to come out of the VMAs debacle is that everyone is off their game and cannot see that Bill is exploding from the inside out. 

“She’s had heaps of chances to find me,” Bill says to Ashildr, in the next moment they get alone, an early morning in the kitchen. 

“Maybe, but we don’t know what she’s had going on,” Ashildr says. “Life is nuts in general. Besides, if you were trying to get Leigh-Anne from Little Mix to notice you, would you be normal about it or would you freak out a bunch of times?” 

“Fair point,” Bill admits. “So, what, now we think she’s trying?” 

“She’s liking and commenting on everything you post, on Twitter and Instagram. She’s kind of on the perfect balance between normal fan and being just a bit into you, without being creepy. Which isn’t easy, actually.” 

Bill makes a face. “So what do I do?” 

“You could DM her?” 

That sounds like the single most daunting task Bill has ever considered in her life, and her face must show it because Ashildr snorts into their coffee. 

“Or don’t, it’s your life,” they say, before walking out and leaving Bill in unchanged crisis. 

@getmeoutofhere - social media sucks but also it can be your own chance at connecting with incredible people. I know that’s why I came back to Twitter. 

This singular tweet is the reason that Bill’s phone is thrown away from her in a fit of panic one morning. Bill had of course followed the account mid-crisis, so it comes up the moment she hops on Twitter. Thus: phone flying across the room. Not out of any sort of anger, but from the kind of upstart shock that can only come from your elusive crush tweeting that they want to connect with someone through social media . You know, the social media she has been using to give Bill endless attention through notifications. 

This is the moment. The moment where Bill runs in the other direction or when she takes the leap. 

Bill slides out of bed, exhales all of her breath as she retrieves the phone, and sits on her heels then and there on the guest bedroom floor. 

Bill hits the mail icon on Heather’s account. The blank message box taunts her, challenges her to close the app and put the phone back down. But Bill hasn’t come this far to back down now. 

“You can do this,” Bill tells herself, before beginning to type. 

pottsalotts: hey, I hope you don’t mind, but I saw you say that you came back to Twitter to find someone. I really hope I didn’t imagine the times I saw you before, and I hope the song didn’t freak you out. I’d love to hang out, if you were keen. 

Once she hits send, she drops the phone on the bed and hurries to scream into her pillow. Now all she has to do is quietly lose her mind with every second that passes until a reply comes. If one does. 

Bill creeps into the lounge and pops the TV on, but the first thing that comes up is a live Saxon interview. The only valid response to seeing his face is giving it the middle finger and changing the channel to find a Chase rerun. Usually the quiz shows are some of Bill’s favourites, with her passion for general knowledge and learning, but today it isn’t enough to keep Bill out of her own head. 

“Fuck it,” Bill mutters to herself. 

Five minutes later, she has her guitar in her lap and her notebook beside her. Her hand scribbles furiously across the page, dumping every anxiety and uncertainty she has into it along with anything that might make a good rhyme. 

It’s hard to say how long she stays there. But her stomach starts to rumble, she takes a break to make a sandwich. Bill is an expert at whipping up excellent sandwiches in a flash, and this house is always stocked, so before long she’s got the best looking ham and egg panini she’s seen in her life. With half of it in her mouth, she checks her phone and nearly chokes when she sees that she has a message. 

getmeoutofhere: hey! Yeah, I did. I hope that’s okay. The song was amazing. Hanging out would be great! Did you have anything in mind? 

Bill puts the phone down, punches the air with a whoop, and shoves the rest of her sandwich into her mouth so her hands are free to type furiously. 

pottsalotts: I’m chill af, so my go to idea is always going to be chips and a drink. But I’m up for anything!  

The reply comes instantly. 

getmeoutofhere: chips and a drink sounds perfect x