Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

‘You’re going.’ Mason said, staring Liam dead in the eyes. They were leaving the school and swinging by the back to grab Corey.

‘I’m not going.’ Liam said without missing a beat.

‘Yes, you are.’ Mason said.

‘I have homework.’

‘A two page leaflet from chem. You’re going.’

‘I have chores too.’ Liam said. ‘And today is… I have to go to the flower store.’

‘Fine.’ Mason let it drop. Liam knew that if it were any other day they’d be arguing until they crossed the bridge and went up their respective streets. Mason never won. It was never going to happen. They were best friends but Mason had to work extra hard to overcome the shadow that Liam lived in. He was, after all, a preacher’s son, and held up to a level of scrutiny that most teenagers wouldn’t be able to endure. On top of academic excellence (not Liam’s strong suite), he was expected to set a strong moral example for his peers. Plus help out with Sunday school, youth group, and run the bible study circle. Mason’s constant attempts to get him to make time for a social life were annoying. But appreciated.

Liam fished his key out of his pocket only to find the door was unlocked. That meant his dad was home. He opened the door quietly before kicking off his shoes and placing them neatly beside the stairs.

‘Liam?’

‘I’m home.’

‘Come here.’

Liam set his book bag down and went to the kitchen. His dad was sitting at the table, papers and notes strewn everywhere. A thick, dog-eared bible sitting in front of him. His glasses were perched on the tip of his nose.

‘How was school?’

‘Good.’

‘Homework?’ His dad asked, sipping a mug of warm coffee.

‘Lots.’ Liam said.

‘No time to drop by the church and help with the social this evening I’m guessing.’ He could feel his dad’s eyes studying him. Weighing him. Liam swallowed. He didn’t have much room for himself—every spare minute went to studying or church. He wasn’t even able to join a sport. But today he just wanted to go to the flower shop like he did the first Tuesday of every month. It wasn’t really a lie. Or a very big one. And it was for a good reason.

‘Probably not.’ Liam muttered.

His dad made a disapproving noise before closing up his bible.

‘How’s the sermon coming?’

‘Challenging. But I’ll think on it. The Lord will reveal his lessons when the time is right.’

Liam nodded. He grabbed his book bag and stacked his textbooks on the table. After all his note books were pulled out he set to work on his chemistry assignment. He was just finishing up when his dad gave him a brief nod and headed out the door. Liam waited until he heard the car leave. Then he waited some more. Sometimes his dad would forget something and double back. After fifteen minutes Liam packed up his books and ran upstairs to change.

He peeled out of his bland polo and put on a faded graphic tee that his dad would never let him leave the house in. He looked in the mirror and used his hand to mess up his perfectly combed hair, staring at the wild look for a second before taming it back down with his fingers—he didn’t need to look like he’d been sticking his head out the car window for ten miles.

Liam grabbed his bike from the garage and ducked outside. If his dad saw him it wouldn’t be so bad—finishing homework early wasn’t a crime. It was a good thing. Except he’d be expected to head directly to the church and help out making triangle-shaped cucumber sandwiches for old ladies that smelled like too much perfume (and liked to pinch his cheeks and arms). Not how he wanted to spend his afternoon.

He was careful to take the back way, across the middle of the suburbs. A few streets over and he’d be literally across the tracks, but along the backroads at least he could be sure no one from his church would see him and rat him out to his dad. Well, no one ever did that really. But a few times someone had mentioned seeing him in places his dad didn’t approve of and that led to a full evangelical interrogation. It was hard enough keeping his chin above water in physics and biology—he didn’t need the hammer coming down on him again. Not like when he was twelve. That had been a dark year.

Liam cut across main street to one of the quieter side streets. He stashed his bike around the corner, taking his helmet and tucking it under his arm. He made sure to push his bike behind the dumpster so people couldn’t see it from the street. One day he’d save up for a lock to keep it safe, but for now this worked pretty well.

The flower shop was cozy. Liam had been coming here for several years now, but he never learned the owner’s name beyond Shelia. Since it was in bold, purple letters on the window. He poked his head in. The usual sound of the bell that chimed was missing. He looked up to find it missing.

‘Oh, hi.’ Shelia beamed, wiping the dirt of her hands with a cloth. ‘I was just potting out back. Oh don’t worry, our new hire took it down to replace it.’ She said, following his eyes to the empty bell arm.

‘The usual?’

‘Yes Ma’am.’ Liam said.

‘Every time you come in here I tell you not to call me ma’am. And you still do it.’ She said, picking his arrangement of flowers.

‘Sorry, Ma’am.’ Liam smiled.

She looked at him and made a noise with her tongue, ‘Cheeky creature. Here you go.’

Liam dipped his hand into his pocket. He frowned, then checked the other pocket. It was then he knew his wallet was in his khaki’s he wore to school—left behind when he slipped on his jeans.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ She said, catching onto his predicament, ‘You can pay next month when you’re in again.’

‘Thanks.’ He said, taking the flowers. ‘Ma’am.’

‘Git.’ She swatted in his direction. He smiled and ducked out the door back to the street. When he got back to the dumpster his bike was gone. He peered down the alley—nothing. Liam sighed. The only way someone would know his bike was there was if they were watching him stash it. Or if they were tossing the trash out and saw it. But it clearly wasn’t garbage. Maybe he was being punished for not helping out at the church social. Still, there was nothing to be done. He’d go the rest of the way on foot.

It took an extra twenty minutes to get to the cemetery. He walked in past the iron gates, to the back in the shade of the oak tree where his grandmother’s headstone was. Liam bent down to clear away the remains of the old flowers and place the new ones. His grandmother loved daffodils and tulips and daisies. It made for a very odd looking arrangement of flowers, but still, it was something Liam liked to do. The divorce had been tough on everyone, Liam especially. He only got to visit his mother in the city once a year at Christmas. His grandmother had been his only friend through that time. When she passed away Liam knew that his dad was secretly happy. She was a thorn in everyone’s side—never taking anything sitting down. Always calling people out on their bullshit. Now she was gone, but Liam still liked to visit at least once a month.

He leaned against the tree, pulling out a sucker and sticking it in his mouth.

‘Old lady Helga died last week. She choked on one of those ribbon candies you used to hate.’ Liam said. ‘Maybe you know that already. Maybe she’s visiting you now.’

Liam chuckled. ‘I still remember the look on her face when you yelled at her for spanking me.’

He rolled the sucker around in his mouth for a minute.

‘Dad’s the same as usual. He gives me these looks, though. Like he’s trying to undo me. Get in my head. Or something. I mean, I study my butt off to make good grades. I volunteer every day of the week. I don’t know what else he wants.’ Liam swallowed. Except it wasn’t true. He knew what his dad suspected. Five years without a girlfriend was starting to be stacked against him. His dad never said anything, but the look in his eyes told Liam the question was there, waiting to be asked if the situation changed enough.

‘None of his business anyway.’ Liam said. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to be like that. It was a choice to be with someone, so Liam would just be alone. He was fine alone. He didn’t need all of that love stuff in his life anyway. It always seemed to complicate things. Like with Mason. He’d been going out with some girl for months now but he spent most of his time with Corey instead. How did that even work? Liam was happier being on his own. At least this way he was safe…

He looked at the sucker—grape. Half of it was worn into a thin wafer, lighting up with the faint sunlight. A rumble caught Liam’s attention. He looked up The sunlight was faint for a reason—grey clouds had creeped in without him noticing.

‘No, no, no!’ He said, scrambling to his feet as the rain started. Liam halted in his steps and spun around, kissing his fingers before pressing them to the headstone. Goodbyes finished, he bolted down the hill. This was definitely punishment. God was watching. God was not impressed.

By the time he’d walked home he was soaked three times over. There were three other cars parked in the driveway. Liam sighed. There was no way he’d get around this so he might as well march right into it.

Voices in the living room stopped as soon as he closed the door. His dad was standing, arms crossed and glasses in one hand. A stern look on his face. On the couch sat Miles, the deacon, and Ms. Sherman, the secretary of the church. Both of them smiled when they saw Liam.

‘Coming down pretty fierce.’ Miles said. ‘You look like a drowned rat.’

Liam forced a smile. Miles did like to joke. One look at his dad’s face told him the only reason he was being spared a lecture was because of whatever urgent church matter they were discussing took precedent. A single raised eyebrow let him know he wasn’t off the hook.

‘Well what are we going to do about it?’ Ms. Sherman asked.

Pastor Dunbar sighed and pinched his nose.

‘Liam, go dry off. And try not to drip on everything on the way.’

Liam turned, exhaling. He barely escaped. Maybe his luck was turning around finally.

After a hot shower and some dry clothes, Liam felt better. He could hear the deacon’s wife and several other congregation members bustling downstairs. The “inner circle”. Something big must be happening if they were all sticking around. And from the smell of it, making dinner.

Liam was surprised when the doorbell rang and no one rose to get it. He softly made his way down the stairs as his dad opened the door on the third ring, revealing Mason dressed in freshly pressed pants and a sweater vest.

‘Pastor Dunbar, hi.’

‘Mason.’ The pastor gave a curious look. Mason didn’t flinch. Instead he smiled and waited, ‘Can I help you?’

‘I’m here for Liam.’ Mason said.

‘Liam..’ The pastor glanced up the stairs. Liam froze—he didn’t remember making any plans with Mason. Actually, he remembered specifically NOT making plans with Mason.

‘Oh he must have forgot to tell you. Me and some other youth group members were going bowling and we need Liam to come to make the teams even.’ Mason said.

The pastor frowned, looking over Mason’s shoulder at the car full of teenagers—all dressed in nice, neat clothes. They smiled and gave a wave at the house. The pastor leaned back on his heels, then looked back up at Liam.

‘Alright. But I want you back by ten.’

‘Twelve?’ Mason beamed.

The pastor frowned. ‘Eleven. Straight to the bowling alley and then straight back here. Got it?’

‘Yessir.’ Mason said, looking up the stairs at his friend.

‘Umm, I guess I’ll go change?’ Liam said.

‘That’s fine.’ Mason said, ‘We’re only going bowling.’

Liam nodded, making his way to the bottom of the stairs. As his dad turned away he shot a look at Mason—what the heck? Mason winked as he pastor turned around, opening his wallet.

‘Ten?’ He asked.

‘It’s cosmic bowling tonight. Fifteen.’ Mason said. The pastor sighed and pulled out two twenties and passed them to Liam.

‘If there’s any trouble call me from the bowling alley.’ He said.

‘It would be easier if I had a cell phone.’ Liam said. The look on his dad’s face told him now was not the time. Instead he ducked his head and nodded, tucking the money into his pocket. He watched his dad go back into the kitchen where hushed whispers filled the air. Liam made a mental note to find out what exactly was the cause of his dad being so lax was later. For now he followed Mason outside, into whatever scheme his friend had cooked up.

‘Liam this is Kira, Scott, Nolan, and Danny.’ Mason said as he got into the car.

'Kira, as in your girlfriend Kira?' Liam asked. Kira rolled her eyes.

‘Hey Liam.’ Corey turned from the passenger seat.

‘Hi.’ Liam felt himself blush. He wasn’t good with strangers. He recognized them from school but he wasn’t friendly with any of them, and he didn’t know any of their names, except Nolan who sat in front of him in history class.

‘Shove over.’ Scott hissed.

‘You shove over!’ Danny said, yanking at the tie around his neck, ‘This thing is killing me!’

‘Keep it on!’ Mason whispered.

‘Get in.’ He looked at Liam. The boy frowned.

‘There’s no place to sit.’

‘You don’t sit, you drape.’ Scott said, waving at their collective laps.

‘Are you for real?’ Liam asked, turning to Mason, ‘Is he for real?’

‘Ohmygod Liam, I just sprung you from Alcatraz—get in and let’s get out of here!’ Mason said, starting the car.

Liam balked as Scott grabbed him, pulling him into the car to rest on their laps. Kira pulled the door shut with a bang and they took off. The chatter started immediately as Liam was jostled around in the backseat. He started to feel very anxious until he felt Scott poke him in the ribs.

‘Need a seat belt?’

‘Yes, please.’ Liam said.

‘This kid is a hoot.’ Scott smiled. He extended his arms, wrapping them around Liam’s legs to keep him braced. The others saw and followed suite, holding Liam down when the rocking of the car was its worst. Liam stared out the window, listening to the idle chatter as Nolan and Danny fought over some video game, and Kira gushed about a new band she was obsessed with. It was a strange place to be.

Liam caught sight of the bowling alley sign as they passed it, frowning.

‘We just went past the bowling alley.’ The car went quiet. Nolan struggled to hold in a squeak of laughter. Liam looked up at the faces of everyone in the backseat. They were all beaming down at him.

‘Am I being kidnapped?’ Liam asked.

‘It’s for your own good.’ Mason said.

‘Mason… where are you taking me?’

‘Chill out, it’s nothing crazy. Kind of. Mostly.’

‘What does kind of, mostly not crazy mean?’

‘You’ll see. We’re almost there.’ Mason said, turning onto a dirt road. Liam could hear the gravel crunching under the tires of the car. Scott and the others were talking in hushed whispers now—excitement palpable in their voices.

Liam was happy when they pulled into an overgrown parking lot so he could finally stand up and work the stiffness in his legs. He scanned the area—industrial part of town near the abandoned rail station. Actually, it was the abandoned rail station. Liam was surprised to see so many teens and young people milling about and parking, heading to the old building. He was more surprised when Danny stripped off his shirt, revealing a ratty black tee and torn jeans. Scott was next, then Nolan and Kira. All of them threw their prim and proper clothes into the back of the car before stretching.

Liam yelped as Kira grabbed the edge of his shirt. She smiled at him.

‘Relax, you’re not even close to my type. But you can’t go in there like this.’ He stiffened and let her strip off his shirt. Scott tossed him a plain tee and a pair of ratty jeans. Liam barely caught them and Mason looked down at his shoes.

‘Not too much we can do about that.’

‘Mason, what the heck?!’

‘Hurry up! Show’s starting!’ Danny urged. Liam fumbled to pull on the change of clothes, looking around uncomfortably as his friend dragged him to the entrance. Everything was happening so fast. Before Liam could react he was pressing a twenty into the bouncer’s hand and getting a stamp on his wrist. As soon as they got inside the temperature went up by forty degrees and Liam felt himself start to sweat. The wide room was packed with people—a makeshift stage had been made of pallets and crates. Huge speakers sat on the edge, and several people were huddled around the drums. A band, Liam guessed.

‘What is this?’ He shouted to Mason. His friend turned to him, making a face that told Liam he didn’t hear.

‘What is this place? What’s going on?’ Liam yelled again, trying to be heard over a loud chorus of excited voices as warm up chords were played.

‘It’s a show!’ Mason yelled.

‘What kind of show?’

Mason’s grin was huge. ‘Punk!’

‘What?’

‘It’s fucking PUNK!’ A random girl screamed, eyes bright as the band started playing. Liam was jostled as everyone moved to get a better spot. He caught sight of Mason.

‘If anything happens meet at the car!’

‘Mason!’ Liam grabbed for his friend but Mason was lost to the horde of people moving to the music. Liam pulled his arms in. Someone in front of him moved back suddenly, nearly knocking him down. He recoiled just in time, but someone behind him slammed into him with the same amount of force. His yells of protest and polite flailing were lost in the crowed.

‘Excuse me!’ Liam shouted. A lanky teenager with long hair turned to him, making a space. Liam shot him a thankful smile as he made his escape. Except it wasn’t escape. He was propelled closer to the stage, to the center of attention. The music pounded in his ears, following no pattern he could find. This was no church choir. The rawness of the vocals caught onto something deep inside. It was like a well dredging up all of the rage and sadness he’d been keeping inside. Suddenly he felt like he was starting to get the appeal of the crashing noise—the strife and boom of the drums. The lashing of the guitar and the scathing vocals.

It was like there was a part of him that had been sleeping that was waking up with every note, every scream that shattered the air. And it liked what it was hearing. Liam started to moved with the music, as much as he could with the little room he had. He couldn’t make out any of the lyrics, but he definitely liked the energy that was behind them. The voice was raw. Powerful. Striking out with its own force. Unruled and untamed.

The crowd shifted it was like a deep secret unfolding in front of his eyes—the band, roaring and crashing into each other, feeding of the frenzy of the crowed before them. Liam felt his heart pounding as the singer turned to face him—green eyes blazing.

He was young, wearing a beat up leather jacket covered in patches, pins, and spikes. Pink hair cut close on one side made him stand out. Liam felt his mouth go dry as he made eye contact. It was like the singer was reaching inside of him and tearing out all of the secrets and hidden things that Liam had worked so hard to suppress. All of his effort, all of the lies he told himself over and over, all of it shattered in a single instant, with a single look.

The singer threw his hear back and roared into the air, joined by a chorus of screams and screeches from the room. He grabbed the microphone and paced the stage like a beast in black leather, teeth flashing in the lights of the stage. The tall guitarist gave a cocky smirk and leaned against the singer—hip to hip. Nearly grinding on each other, making the crowd roar and cheer. The wild woman on the drums tore into her instrument with primal ferocity. Another tall blond boy in a leather vest leaned into his bass like a shield, ignoring the singer’s hands and body even when he was screaming an inch away from his face.

Liam could feel the anger and ferocity radiating from the singer as he dug into the vocals and tore them to shreds, leaving something in Liam wanting more. The bare chest beneath the leather jacket was covered in a fine sheen of sweat as the singer thundered from one side of the stage to the other. He paused in the middle, catching Liam’s eyes again without hesitation or searching. Like he’d taken note of where Liam was and made an effort to come back to him. Like he actually saw Liam—picked him out from all the other faces in the room. All the other bodies.

Liam’s moments slowed as the singer’s lips pressed together in a sly smile—the corner of his mouth turned up slightly like he knew what Liam was thinking at that exact moment.

Everything came to an abrupt halt when an elbow connected with Liam’s nose, sending him flat to the floor.

The last thing Liam remembered before he blacked out was the pink haired singer moving people aside to get to him.

The last thing Liam thought was what it would feel like to kiss those lips.

Chapter Text

‘You alright there, Killer?’ The voice was all rasp and gravel. Dark and rumbling.

Liam blinked and tried to focus his eyes—everything was kind of blurry.

‘Here.’ Someone handed him something cold. He couldn’t decide which part of his head hurt the most so he applied the cold thing directly to his face. From beneath it he heard several soft chuckles.

‘What happened?’ Liam moaned, head still reeling. His nose felt wet.

‘You got clocked because you weren’t paying attention.’ Came an accusatory voice. Liam waved it off.

‘I saw. I saw him. He was right there.’ Liam muttered. After a quiet pause and some shuffling, someone spoke again. Liam was having trouble tracking how many people were around him. How many people did they come with anyway?

‘Saw who?’

‘Pink hair. Soft lips. Looked like a wild animal.’ Liam sighed. Another round of chuckles followed.

‘Here.’ The raspy voice said, taking away the cold thing and pressing a bandana to Liam’s nose, ‘You’re messing up the place.’

Liam blinked the world back into focus. It wasn’t Mason and his friends gathered around him on the pavement outside (never mind how he even got there) but it was Pink Hair and the rest of his band. Liam panicked and tried to spring backwards, managing to ram the back of his head into the brink wall behind him.

‘Ouch.’ The tall blond to the left said, amusement dancing in his eyes.

‘Smooth moves, ace.’ The lanky one with tired eyes sneered at him. Liam glared, rubbing the back of his head.

‘I’m Theo.’ Pink Hair said, pointing to the other people around him, ‘The tall drink of water here is Isaac. The asshole with a mouth is Brett, and the one giving the tattoo over there is Malia. The one getting the tattoo is Jackson.’

‘I… I’m… I just…’ Liam knew his mouth was gaping.

‘You okay?’

‘Buh… uhh…’ Liam blinked.

‘That’s not much of a name. I’m just gonna go with Killer.’ Theo beamed. Liam caught sight of several tattoos on the boy’s neck. His eyes flicked down to Theo’s fingers—extended and waiting to take back the bandana. There were tattoos there, too.

‘I’m uhh, thanks.’

‘Hi Thanks!’ Isaac smiled.

‘Liam. I mean. My name is Liam. And thanks.’ He said, feeling his cheeks burn hot, ‘Even if it was your fault.’

‘Oooooooooh!’ Isaac, Brett, and Jackson all looked at each other as Liam straightened his posture. It was hard to look tough sitting in a wet parking lot, bleeding from his face.

Malia made a face and grabbed Jackson’s arm, pulling it close and resuming her work. Theo clicked his tongue against his teeth. He grabbed his belt and tilted back on the heels of his heavy leather boots before rocking forward, fixing his gaze on Liam.

‘You’re a little shit disturber, aren’t you?’

‘No.’ Liam looked away. Theo kicked the bottom of Liam’s shoes.

‘First time here?’

Liam glanced up. He thought about lying. He thought about making up some elaborate story, but when he realized he had literally been dragged out there and had no idea what any of this was, the idea quickly died.

‘Yes.’

‘Cool.’ Theo smirked, pushing a stray lock of pink hair back from his face.

‘Liam!’ Mason’s panicked face widened in horror as he finally found his friend surrounded by the one band they’d piled into the car to come see.

‘Oh my god.’ Mason said as Corey, Kira, Scott nearly ran into him as they came around the corner. Nolan and Danny were arguing as usual when they came to a slow stop, catching the strange vibe in the air. Theo glanced up at Scott, then looked away, ignoring him.

‘Umm, hey.’ Liam said. He struggled to get to his feet. Theo leaned down, helping him up. Liam felt the other boy’s fingers coil around his bicep, supporting him. The blush on his cheeks intensified.

‘Mason this is Theo—‘

‘Dude. Dude! I KNOW who he is. Fuck.’ Mason said, ‘Sorry. He’s… he’s new. I’ll take him.’

Theo smiled and leaned back, watching Mason grab hold of Liam and guide him back to the rest of the group. Liam froze—he wasn’t sure why, but it felt like there was something here that he needed to say or do. Mason tugged at him. Theo folded his arms—the same sly smile from the stage was spreading across his face.

‘I really like your music.’ Liam managed to stammer. Theo’s grin bloomed into a full blown smile. Brett rolled his eyes.

The back door swung open, metal clattering against the brick. A skinny women with messy brown hair poked her head out. ‘On in five.’

‘Well gents, that’s us.’ Isaac said, tipping an imaginary hat and blowing a kiss in Scott’s direction. Scott blinked, grabbing Danny’s hand tight.

‘Ow, dude.’ Danny hissed.

The rest of the band pushed past, heading into the building. Brett was last. He hovered in the doorway before flipping Liam off and wagging his tongue. Liam frowned. He didn’t like that one very much.

After the door slammed shut and the faint sound of punk ripped through the air inside Mason let out a huge breath.

‘I saw you go down. I thought you were dead!’

‘I tried to find you but you disappeared!’ Liam said.

‘Corey and I were—‘ Mason trailed off, ‘Whatever. You shouldn’t get that close to the stage, dude. There’s a reason it’s called the splatter zone.’

‘This wasn’t my idea!’ Liam yelled. ‘I was just going to go home and go to bed.’

‘And then what? Do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day, and the next!’ Mason yelled. He calmed slightly when Corey laid his hand on Mason’s shoulder.

‘Liam, I know what happened sucked. But you can’t use it as an excuse not to have a life.’

‘I have a life.’ Liam said.

‘You know what I mean.’

Liam shrugged. Mason sighed.

‘Are you really okay?’

‘I think so.’ Liam said.

‘Dude you took that elbow to the face like a champ!’ Nolan grinned, slapping Liam’s back. The others chuckled. Liam blinked—Mason’s friends were weird.

‘I can’t believe we just met Chimera. And they talked to us.’ Kira said.

Scott snorted.

'What?' Kira asked.

‘You didn’t say a word.’ Scott said, grunting when Kira’s elbow found his ribs.

‘Okay, time to go.’ Corey said.

‘Thank god.’ Liam breathed.

‘You hated it that much?’ Mason asked as they walked back to the car.

‘No. I’m just tired.’

‘So you liked it.’ Mason said. Liam couldn’t hide the small grin on his face. He winced when his face started to hurt again.

‘Dude, we’re so coming back!’ Mason laughed.

They piled back into the car as best they could. It was only after driving for five minutes did Liam realize they were going in the wrong direction. When he told Mason his friend smirked. Liam groaned as the pot holes jostled him. Why couldn’t Nolan be the one on everyone’s laps this time?

‘Don’t worry, we’re just going to Terry’s.’ Scott said.

‘What’s Terry’s?’

‘Dude! Hot dogs. Pizza!’ Nolan bounced in his seat.

‘Oh.’ Liam said.

‘Oh?’ Nolan frowned. ‘OH?!’

‘Nolan really likes their food. I mean, REALLY likes it.’ Danny whispered into Liam’s ear. For the next ten minutes they were overwhelmed with Nolan’s poetic description of the menu at a hole-in-the-wall greasy pizza joint. Liam had to admit he was starting to get kind of hungry.

By the time they pulled up in front of the place Liam was starving. The building itself wasn’t that big—the back half of it looked like it has seen better days. Old vinyl siding was sliding off and discoloured, but the front of the building was brick and white-painted wood. Though the sign hanging over it looked a few decades old, faded yellow with orange letters, once bright red. Dozens of people were sitting at the picnic tables outside.

Liam scanned the crowed—it looked like groups from every social scene were at Terry’s waiting for a slice of pizza, or a hot dog, or ice-cream. He nearly fell on his face when Kira slid out from beneath him. Then Danny, then Nolan. Liam threw a glare at Scott. The boy tilted his head an grinned, helping Liam out of the car as he stood.

‘Thanks.’

‘No worries. Everyone’s just excited.’

‘For food?’

‘Dude, you’ve really never been here?’

‘No, I usually eat supper at home. Or at one of the church functions.’ Liam immediately regretted saying the words as they left his mouth. He was ready for the look of pity or confusion that followed. Or worse, Scott would think he was a freak.

‘Oh, well, you’re in for a treat!’ Scott clapped him on the shoulders. Liam blinked, letting himself be led into the restaurant (if it could really be called that). Mason’s friends were very strange. But good strange. Especially Scott, who seemed to go out of his way to help anyone he met without a second thought.

‘And you?’ Liam blinked into the face of a moustached man wearing an apron. He held a tiny pencil and pad of paper, waiting. Liam realized he’d been so caught up in his thoughts they’d gotten to the counter inside. He glanced up at the prices on the wall—nothing too expensive, but he’d used all his cash on buying the flowers that morning. Before he could say anything Scott leaned forward.

‘He’ll have a large chilli fries, a chilli dog, a— What do you like chocolate?’ Scott asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘—A chocolate milkshake. And a TPB.’ Scott slapped a few bills on the counter.

‘Thanks.’ Liam felt his stupid blush betraying him.

‘No prob. Figured you could use it. After the elbow. And the thrashing. And the “surprise you’re being dragged to an underground punk show”.’ Scott said.

Liam hesitated. He had a bad feeling, but he didn’t want to be rude. Scott picked up on it immediately as if he were some kind of loyal dog in tune with his companion’s emotions.

‘What?’ He asked.

‘I just… I have a question, but I don’t want to be rude.’ Liam said.

‘That’s cool—be rude! I can take it.’ Scott smiled.

‘Did he tell you to be nice to me?’ Liam asked.

‘Mason?’ Scott said, looking over his shoulder. Mason and Corey sat close together, whispering. Kira munched on a huge basket of onion rings next to Nolan and Danny who were trying to out-eat each other.

‘All he said was you needed a night out. And you dad was kind of Mister Stepford Wife. Which I still don’t understand.’ Scott frowned in confusion.

Liam nodded. Mason had good intentions, always. But sometimes he went above and beyond. Liam knew it was just his best friend’s protective nature, but it got overwhelming sometimes and Liam didn’t know how to deal with all of the emotions that were running through him on the bet of days, except to push them all down. Even after everything that had happened his dad refused to let him speak to a therapist or counsellor. And for Liam, scripture hadn’t been a soothing balm since his mom left over ten years ago.

‘I like you, Liam.’ Scott nodded to himself. ‘I think I’ll adopt you.’

‘You’re like, two years older than me.’

‘Only in measurements of time.’ Scott winked and ran to grab their food. Liam opened his mouth, a frown slowly forming as he tried to figure out what that even meant.

The food looked suspicious. Liam eyed it as everyone else dug in. He reached out and pulled loose a chilli fry. It was thick and golden—covered in lots of chilli and cheese with sour cream off to the side. Liam took a careful bite.

‘Liam. Liam!’ Mason said. Liam was frozen to the spot. He scarfed down the rest of his fry before digging into the mountain of food in front of him. Mason chuckled—it was good to see Liam acting like a normal teenager for once.

‘Ohmygawdtessisgud!’ Liam beamed at Mason, who frowned, ready to tell his friend to slow down a bit when Corey rested a hand on his shoulder.

‘He’s lost to Terry’s now. Let him go.’ Corey shook his head, making Mason chuckle.

‘Wass dis?’ Liam pointed at a gooey, cheese-smothered sandwich full of juicy meatballs.

‘That,’ Scott said, pushing the plate towards Liam, ‘Is a TPB. Terry’s Po’boy. Or at least his take on it. It’s more like a po’boy, meatball sandwich love child covered in different kinds of cheese I can’t even begin to pronounce.’

Liam picked it. His mouth was watering, even after all the chilli fries he’d downed. He bit into the sandwich and everything else faded away. When he opened his eyes most of it was gone. The rest of the table was snickering.

‘What?’

Mason held up his phone, showing Liam a picture of his face in rapture as he slowly ate the sandwich. Liam ducked his head.

‘No.’ Nolan said, slamming his hand on the table. ‘Never be ashamed!’

‘No shame!’ Kira screamed.

‘No shame! No shame! No shame! No shame!’ The table chanted until Liam burst out into laughter. The rest of the people nearby shook their heads and went back to eating.

As Liam polished off his milkshake he noticed something odd.

‘Hey,’ He said to Mason, ‘Why aren’t you sitting with Kira?’

‘Uhhh…’ Mason trailed off, looking at Corey. The boy signed and picked at his fries.

‘We’re fighting.’ Kira said without looking up from her phone.

‘Oh.’ Liam blinked.

‘It’s pretty bad. We might break up.’

‘What?’ Mason leaned in, hissing, ‘Kira!’

The girl rolled her eyes and put her phone away.

‘You need to lean to take a joke.’ She said, grabbing Mason’s hand from several sets away and holding it tight before making exaggerated doe eyes at Liam.

‘See we’re just as in love as when we first started dating.’ She blew Mason a kiss. Now it was his turn to blush.

Liam tilted his head—relationships were weird.

‘Anyway—the show. The band. Chimera. Dish it.’ Danny said with a smirk.

‘Nothing to dish!’ Nolan said, ‘Hands down Brett is the best.’

‘Oh please,’ Kira waved him away, ‘The girl on drums is clearly the whole heart and soul of the band.’

‘You’re biased because you’re—‘ Kira shot daggers at Nolan, who faltered then rubbed his arms. ‘Because you play drums.’

‘You play drums? That’s cool.’ Liam said, he didn’t know anyone that played any instruments outside of the organ at church.

‘Yeah. I’m like, a prodigy.’ Kira said. Nolan gave her a questioning look. She shrugged and chuckled.

‘What about you, Liam? Who’s your favourite?’

‘My favourite?’ Liam felt his heart speed up.

‘Yeah, we all have favourite band members. Except Danny. His fav changes every week depending on what dude is shirtless.’ Scott laughed as Danny made a face at him.

Liam shifted in his seat. Was Scott saying Danny was gay? Did they think he was gay? No, that was crazy. He didn’t say anything or do anything that would give away the things he felt inside. His most private thoughts. He was being crazy again. Thinking too much.

‘Liam?’

‘Oh. I guess, the guy with pink hair.’ Liam said. ‘Theo.’

The table groaned.

‘Pay up.’ Scott said. The rest of the table started to push bills into Scott’s hand.

‘What? What’s happening?’ Liam asked.

‘We had a bet who you’d like the most. EVERYONE picks Theo at first.’ Scott said, ‘At least that was my wager.’

‘Until you realize he’s a fucking douche.’ Nolan muttered. Liam saw Danny rub the teenager’s back, trying to comfort him. From the fast shift in atmosphere at the table, Liam got the impression not to ask any questions. Even though he wanted to. From what he saw Theo was kind, and talented, and helpful, and funny. Maybe a bit cocky. Certainly beautiful.

‘Liam’s blushing.’ Corey smiled.

‘So?’ Liam folded his arms. ‘I was thinking… about a girl.’

‘What girl?’ Mason smiled.

‘You don’t know her.’ Liam said.

‘I call bullshit.’ Nolan said.

‘Her name is uh, Hayden.’ Liam said, ‘She goes to my church.’

‘What? Dude, Hayden is in my bio class. I can totally work my charms and try to get you a date!’ Mason said.

‘Huh?’ Liam blinked, ‘Oh! No. I mean, that would be… weird.’

‘Sure. Weird.’ Mason said, leaning back and winking at his friend. Liam had the distinct feeling that Mason was ignoring what he said. Or he just didn’t understand.

‘Anyway,’ Scott said, counting his money, ‘I was right about Liam so logic says I must be right about Isaac being the best member of the band.’

‘Logic? How about this for logic—Isaac is like a watered down version of Jackson.’ Danny said.

Scott raised an eyebrow. ‘You know Jackson doesn’t even play any more, even if he hangs with them.’

‘That’s Theo’s fault.’ Danny said. Liam was starting to think that most of the people around the table weren’t so keen on the vocalist of the band they seemed to love so much. Which was kind of strange, Liam thought. Or maybe it wasn’t. The only songs he knew were hymns or old country music, that basically sounded like hymns with car references tossed in.

Liam jumped when he turned his head to see Nolan staring at him, eyes wide with a ridiculous puppy dog look on his face.

‘He wants the rest of your food.’ Scott said.

‘Oh. Here.’ Liam passed it over. Nolan started to dig into it like he hadn’t already polished off too chilli dogs and half of Kira’s fries.

‘Great. You fed him. Now he’ll follow you around for life.’ Danny said. ‘When I first met Nolan I gave him half of a doughnut. Haven’t been able to escape since.’

‘Ewwluffmee’ Nolan said with a very full mouth. The rest of the table laughed as Mason swatted at him for spraying food all over the place.

‘You are so gross.’ Mason shook his head.

Nolan made a face, pulling something out his mouth.

‘Is there anything worse than finding a bit of onion skin in your chilli fries?’

‘Destruction of the rain forest?’ Danny said.

‘Corporate greed?’ Corey added.

‘Genocide and colonization of Indigenous people of the Americas?’ Scott said.

‘All valid points. I am humbled. And I hate you all.’ Nolan said, tossing the onion skin at Scott who laughed and batted it away.

‘Hey, didn’t we tell Supreme Leader we’d have Kylo back at eleven?’ Danny sipped on his soda.

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, it’s ten thirty.’

‘Shit!’ Mason said, scrambling. He glanced at Corey. ‘I can’t… Umm, Scott, can you take Liam home? I’m gonna walk to Corey’s and crash at his place.’

‘What? What about everyone else?’ Liam asked.

‘We all live like ten minutes walk from here. No biggie.’ Nolan said.

‘Speak for yourself.’ Kira said.

‘What… Mason?’

‘Dude, you got to get home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow in gym class, okay?’

‘Alright.’ Liam said. He waved as everyone else took off down the street in a group, talking about the show and who knows what else.

‘Ready?’ Scott asked.

The drive home was quiet. Scott frowned when he turned on the radio and folk music filled the car. Liam watched as the boy’s tongue stuck out from the side of his mouth in concentration until he found a rock station.

‘Passable.’ Scott shrugged, taking a turn.

‘You had a good time, yeah?’ Scott asked.

‘Yeah. I mean. I don’t get out a lot. Or like, ever.’ Liam said, ‘My dad is kind of… he expects a lot from me. It’s a lot of work not to let him down.’

‘What about you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, what do you expect from yourself?’

Liam frowned. He’d never thought of that before. He just went wherever he was told. Did what he was supposed to do. What else was there?

‘I dunno.’

‘Well, that might be something you want to figure out.’ Scott chuckled. ‘You’re done school in what, a year?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Then what?’

‘I dunno. Go to school. Become a pastor.’

‘Is that what you want to do?’

Liam looked out the window. His head was starting to hurt again.

‘Oh shit!’ Scott said, ‘We gotta change or your dad’ll freak!’

He pulled the car over to the side of the road in an empty lot. Liam stepped out into the night. The air was chilly. Grey clouds filled the sky.

‘Here.’ Scott handed him his clothes before started to change into his formal ones. Liam caught sight of a faint scar, the shape of a crescent moon on Scott’s side.

‘What’s that from?’

Scott turned, looking at the scar. ‘Oh, dog bit me when I was fifteen. Look pretty wicked, huh?’

Liam nodded. He waited until Scott’s back was turned before pulling his clothes on. When he was done he handed them back to the older boy.

‘I’ll leave these in Mason’s trunk. For the next time we sneak you out.’

‘I don’t…I don’t know if that’s a good idea.’ Liam said.

‘Why not? You had fun. We like you. Was it too loud?’ Scott asked.

‘You didn’t like Chimera? There are other bands, too!’

‘No! It was… it was perfect.’ Liam said. ‘I’m just worried…’

‘About your dad. That’s fine. Let us handle him.’

Liam shifted his weight. Scott grabbed his shoulder and squeezed.

‘Trust me, Killer.’

‘You heard him call me that?’ Liam blushed.

‘Good ears.’ Scott winked.

The rest of the drive was quiet. They pulled up seven minutes early.

‘So, you gonna come next week?’

‘I’ll think about it.’ Liam said.

‘Cool.’ Scott nodded. He spotted Liam’s dad come to the door and gave a quick wave.

‘Thanks. For everything.’ Liam said before stepping out of the car. As he talked to the front door, Scott drove off.

‘Where are the rest of your friends?’ He dad asked as he stepped aside to let Liam inside.

‘Oh, Scott drove them home first. He’s the oldest so he’s more responsible.’ Liam said. Which made no sense to him, but he knew it was something his dad would accept without question. And questions were the last thing Liam needed now.

‘What happened to your face?’ Calloused hands were gripping him by the cheek. A hot spike of anger shot through them, then fizzled out as quickly as it formed. He let his dad tilt his head around as if he were an animal to be inspected.

‘We went over a bump. The pot hole on Willow Street. I hit my head on the back of the seat in front of me.’

His dad made a noise and let him go.

‘Well put and ice pack on it before you go to bed. Pain killers are in the medicine cabinet if you need them.’

‘Where are you going?’ Liam asked.

‘There’s something I need to get from the church. I’ll be back after you’re asleep.’ He said as he pulled on his jacket.
The door closed, leaving Liam alone in the house. The sound of the clock ticking in the living room seemed ten times louder than it normally was.

‘Bye.’ Liam said. He went up the stairs and got ready for bed. As he pulled the blankets up he sighed, touching his lips. Sleep engulfed him, slowly lulling him to dream.

A small smile graced his lips as his eyes shut.

‘Theo.’

Chapter Text

‘Oh no. Oh jeez.’ Liam panted as he jogged. He clutched the straps of his book bag tight to keep it from jostling too much. There were ten minutes until the bell rang and there was no way he was going to make it on time. He’d forgotten his bike was stolen the day before, and the late night and greasy food had knocked him out cold. If he hadn’t heard his dad getting ready in the morning he would have slept for a few more hours. As a result he was sprinting down the sidewalk in sweltering heat. He couldn’t afford to be late. He couldn’t afford the school to call home for any reason. He’d barely gotten away with the excuse for a smashed face—if there hadn’t been something urgent at the church he was sure his dad would have forced the truth out of him.

Liam stopped, bending over to catch his breath. Sweat poured off his face. As he wiped it away a loud car horn honked from behind him. He turned, sure there was no reason anyone would be annoyed with him for stopping on the sidewalk.

‘Hey, Killer.’ Theo smirked at him from the passenger side window. ‘You need a ride?’

Liam’s cheeks were already flushed from running. Now he felt like he was lighting up like a Christmas tree. Theo was wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves torn off. The muscles in his arms bulged--covered in tattoos and several scars.

‘I couldn’t—‘

‘No problem, we’re heading towards the school anyway.’ Theo said, slicking his bright pink hair back and moving so Liam could see one of his bandmates, Brett, behind the wheel. The tall boy was glaring at Liam with an intensity that would frighten small animals.

‘I’m good.’

‘Naw, hop in.’ Theo smiled. Liam hesitated, fingers twitching. It would get him there on time. And he really needed to stay out of trouble…

He opened the back door and slid in. As he reached for his seatbelt the car jerked forward. Liam caught himself before he slammed into the back of the seat. He shot a look at Brett. The boy had a mischievous smirk on his face as he pulled away from the curb. Before Liam could say anything Theo twisted around in his seat, peering over the headrest.

‘That’s some shiner you got going there, Killer.’

‘Most painful souvenir I ever got.’ Liam said. Theo burst out laughing.

‘I love this kid.’ He chuckled. Brett made a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a grunt. The car sped up.

‘So what’s your homeroom?’ Liam mumbled. Theo blinked at him before a slow smile spread across his face. He shared a mischievous look with Brett. Liam felt the sting of shame immediately. He’d made a fool out of himself somehow. Even if he didn’t understand what was wrong with the question he still felt stupid.

‘What?’ He shot back, feeling the old anger seep into his mood to drown the shame, ‘You too cool for school or something?’

‘Too cool for school? What are you like fifty, Dunbar?’ Brett needled.

‘I graduated.’ Theo said.

‘Dropped out.’

‘Dropped out, then got my GED.’ Theo rolled his eyes. ‘No one cares.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said. Theo was older. That made sense. The tattoos. The pink hair. The “fuck the world” attitude—those were things he could afford to do. Or maybe Theo was always like that, and Liam was just a coward.

No. This was the way it needed to be. Things worked. Things were okay.

‘I thought your friends would’ve told you.’ Theo said. His tone was gentle and there was a soft look on his face. Almost apologetic. It wasn’t much, but it set Liam at ease again.

‘You just assume that people go around talking about you all the time?’ Liam asked.

‘Fuck man, I got pink hair. They better be talkin’ about me!’ Theo said.

‘We’re here.’ Brett said. Theo grabbed a small duffel bag from between his feet and reached for the door.

‘Thanks, Brett.’ Theo slammed the door and stepped onto the sidewalk. He turned, leaning into the open window beside Liam.

‘Nice seeing you again, Killer.’

Before Liam could respond, Brett tore off. Liam was distressed and confused.

‘He works nearby.’ Brett muttered, taking a sharp turn and nearly crashing Liam into the seat again. He shot a glare at Brett, who seemed to enjoy it. This was the second time he’d seen Brett in the past two days and the impression he made was not one of peace and friendship. Still, Liam couldn’t shake the familiar feeling he knew the other boy.

‘Here.’ Brett said, whipping the car into the parking lot. When he slammed on the brakes this time Liam did hit the seat in front of him, wincing when the sore side of his face made contact with the leather. Brett snickered. The feeling of familiarity Liam had was eclipsed by annoyance. Brett was a dick.

‘Get out.’ He said. Liam didn’t bother to say anything back. Instead he grabbed his book bag and hopped out of the car. He slammed the door as hard as he could and stalked off to the school. At least he wasn’t late.

‘Dude!’ Mason laughed.

‘It’s not funny.’ Liam said. He unbuttoned his shirt and hung it in the small gym locker. It was days like this when he wished his dad would let him wear t-shirts to school instead of “setting a good example for the community” with a full button-up dress shirt.

‘It’s kinda…okay.’ Mason frowned, looking at Liam’s face.

‘Hey Mason— Whoa! Liam!’ Nolan stopped in his tracks.

‘Is it that bad?’ Liam asked.

‘Oh… ummm…’ Nolan stifled a laugh. Liam shot him a look.

‘It looks amazing!’ Nolan beamed. ‘Battle scars! You look so bad ass!’

‘Yeah well, Brett made it worse this morning.’ Liam said, pulling on his gym gear.

‘Wait, what?’ Mason asked.

‘My bike got stolen yesterday so I had to run to get here. And then Brett gave me a ride.’ Liam said.

‘Brett from Chimera. Kick-ass, dreamy as hell, guitar-playing Brett?’ Nolan asked.

‘I wouldn’t call him that. But yeah.’ Liam said, closing the locker.

‘Why would he give you a ride?’

‘Uhh, Theo was with him. I guess he saw me and they were heading here anyway, so…’ Liam jumped when Nolan slammed his locker door and stormed out of the room.

‘What did I say?’ Liam asked.

‘Nolan just gets moody sometimes.’ Mason said. The way he spoke made Liam think he was picking his words carefully—not saying what was really going on, and not leaving enough room for more questions. That was fine. None of it was any of Liam’s business anyway. He just happened to be tossed head first into the mix.

‘What are you going to do about the black eye?’ Mason asked as they started to run laps.

‘I dunno. Is it really noticeable?’

‘Very.’ Mason said.

‘Crap.’ Liam mumbled. He was hoping it would go down enough that his dad wouldn’t pay any attention when he got home, but if it was that much worse then there was no way to avoid it.

‘Hey! Maybe Kira can show me how to cover it up!’ Liam said.

‘Uhhh… maybe.’ Mason said.

‘What do you mean maybe? She’s like, an artist isn’t she? And her makeup always looks amazing.’ Liam said.

‘You checking out my girlfriend?’ Mason huffed before smiling.

‘Not like that.’ Liam felt the blush return to his cheeks.

‘Oh that’s right, you’re into Hayden.’ Mason teased. ‘Hey, I think she has lunch at the same time we do.’

‘So?’

‘So maybe you should ask her out.’

‘You know I can’t.’

‘Liam, your dad is religious but he’s not a robot. He’s got to know you’re gonna date eventually. I mean, I’m not talking about having orgies or gang bangs or anything, jeez.’

Liam stumbled and barely managed to get his feet back under him. He glared at Mason. That kind of language always made him uncomfortable, and Mason knew it.

‘I don’t have time—‘

‘Bullshit! Dude, you got to live a little. Cut loose. At least hang out with me and the gang tonight.’

‘I can’t tonight. I have to help with the youth group.’ Liam said.

‘Tomorrow then.’ Mason said as they neared the end of their warm up laps.

Liam sighed, ‘Alright.’

‘Yes!’ Mason made an over exaggerated arm pump. Liam rolled his eyes. Mason could be so dramatic sometimes.

‘What about Kira? Do you think she could help me? With the eye I mean.’

‘I dunno. Probably.’

‘Can you text her?’

‘After gym.’ Mason said, taking off around the course again. Liam frowned. Maybe the fight the other night was more serious than he thought and Mason was on the outs with Kira. He knew that all the couples in their grade broke up and got back together a dozen times in a single month. Kira was older, though she was in the same grade. Liam never heard why, but figured it was because she transferred from out of state somewhere. Still, he felt bad. If Mason and Kira were fighting…

It took him a minute to catch up to Mason again. They jogged in silence for a whole lap before Liam worked up the courage to speak.

‘Hey, listen. I’m sorry.’ Liam said. Mason gave him a confused look.

‘What for?’

‘Well, you and Kira were fighting and I keep bringing her up like a jerk. And I’m probably making you feel like crap.’ Liam said.

Mason looked surprised for a minute. The look dissolved into an easy smile as they came to a stop. Mason clapped on Liam’s back a few times.

‘You’re gonna make some girl really happy Liam.’

Liam felt a knot from in his gut as Mason spoke. It must have shown on his face.

‘Seriously. You’re the most considerate person I know.’ Mason said. They paused to drink some water. Liam shifted from foot to foot—this whole encounter was turning on him.

‘It’s okay.’ Mason said. ‘I’ll text Kira and tell her to meet you by the washrooms on the soccer field during lunch.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam smiled.

Liam tossed his book bag against the wall of the building. The restrooms were on the far side of the soccer field—a small brick building just bring enough for separate gender facilities and a maintenance closet. Liam hunkered down in the shady side, away from the school. He had a nice view of the small forest that ran along the edge of the property, and the cool shadow of the building made him relax.

He’d managed to get out of chemistry early since they had a substitute and they were just doing busy work. Everyone left with an extra twenty minutes to spare so Liam made his way to where Kira was going to meet him later so he could grab a few minutes to himself and think.

Before he could turn his attention to any of his problems he heard a faint noise. A lighter sound. Giggling. Which was odd for the middle of a soccer field with no one else around. Liam got up and followed the sounds—giggles and whispers and suspicious smacking noises. He peeked around the corner of the building to the back.

Breath caught in his throat. There was Kira, pinned against the wall by the drummer from the band last night. The woman that looked like she could tear Liam in half with her teeth. Except she didn’t look so mean right now. In fact, they were whispering softly to each other. The look on Kira’s face told Liam that she was very much into what was happening. He bit his tongue as they leaned forward and kissed softly, then deeply.

‘Oh crap, oh crap.’ Liam quietly turned around the corner and walked to his book bag. He bent down to pick it up. Instead of his finger grabbing the shoulder strap, they grasped nothing and Liam fell to the ground. He scrambled to stand, brushing the grass off of his pants.

‘Liam?’ Kira appeared from the opposite corner. Her hair had been hastily combed and her clothes were done up. Except one side was untucked.

‘Oh hey! Sorry. I… fell. Down. I fell down.’ Liam bumbled.

Kira laughed. ‘You’re cute. And early.’

‘Yeah, sorry. Got out of class sooner than I thought.’

‘That’s okay. I can give you a quick lesson, then we can go to the cafeteria with everyone else.’

‘Oh. Okay.’ Liam said. His mind was racing. What should he do? What would Mason think? He was going to be heart broken that Kira was cheating on him! And with a woman! Did that mean Kira was gay? Or bi? Was this a secret? Should he tell Mason and in the process reveal that Kira wasn’t straight? That didn’t seem cool at all. He would never want someone to do that to him. But he would never cheat on someone in the first place. So which was the worse thing to do? And did Kira’s cheating somehow make it okay to out her, even to Mason?

No. He couldn’t do that. But he couldn’t watch his best friend suffer while his girlfriend cheated on him. He’d have to ask Scott. He could call as soon as he got home and before he opened the church basement for youth group.

‘You in there, Liam?’ Kira asked.

‘What?’

‘You kind of spaced out.’ Kira said, ‘Maybe you got a bit of a concussion.’

‘What? No! I just… I day dream? A lot. All the time. Bad habit.’

‘You are very weird. But that’s cute, too.’ She smiled and pushed her way into the girl’s room.

‘Wait, I can’t go in there…’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s the girl’s room.’

‘Please. The gender binary is a false construct created and perpetuated by the patriarchy to segregate and control the population. Two genders. Absurd. That’s like saying the only fruits in the world are apples and oranges. I think there’s a song about that Banshee did. Or maybe it was like, really early Chimera? An original.’ Kira pulled Liam into the room and positioned him in front of the mirror.

‘Wash your face. Hot, then cold water and pat dry.’ Kira said. Liam turned on the tap and did as he was told. When he finished he saw Kira had an entire arsenal of makeup and colours set on the counter.

‘What’s that?’

‘Options.’ She said, taking him by the chin. She picked a few different colours and some other strange plastic cases. She squeezed out some gel and spread it on his face. When she was done she stepped back.

‘Is that it?’

‘No. That was moisturizer. Now the real work begins.’

Liam waited patiently as Kira applied each layer, explaining about coverstick, concealer, and foundation. His mind raced in a thousand different directions about Kira and the drummer from the band… what was her name? Molly? Malia. Were they dating? Maybe it was a joke? Maybe he’d imagined it all? No, he was pretty sure that he didn’t imagine it. He really needed advice on what he should do. Or if he should do anything at all. It wasn’t really his business, but it was Mason he was worried about. And Kira was nice. But he didn’t really know her. Didn’t really know anything.

‘There.’ Kira said. Liam looked in the mirror.

‘I look…normal.’

‘I would have said adorable, but sure.’ Kira shoved several cases of make up in his hands.

‘Take these. You can use them until it heals and then give them back. Make up isn’t cheap.’

‘Thanks.’

She gave him a quick wink.

‘C’mon. I’m starving and they’re actually serving pizza today.’

‘Liam!’ Mason waved as they walked into the cafeteria. Liam headed to the table where everyone was sitting—Danny and Nolan were arguing as usual, and Mason was talking to some girl with dark hair. Liam felt his stomach lurch up into his throat. It was Hayden. He didn’t dislike her, but he certainly didn’t like her as much as he implied. And Mason was bull-headed enough to assume that he was just being shy when he protested. And now she was at the table, eating lunch with Mason and all his friends. For a moment Liam considered slipping away to eat lunch in the library, but Kira’s hand on his shoulder (and the smirk on her face) told him he wasn’t going to escape. They’ planned this.

'Hey,' Nolan said, 'You look normal.'

'Courtesy of the Makeup King.' Kira said.

'Wouldn't it be Makeup Queen?' Hayden asked. Kira made a small, dismissive noise.

'I liked the shiner better.' Nolan muttered. Danny cuffed him upside the head.

'Play nice with strangers.' He raised his eyebrows. Nolan made and face and gave a little nod.

Liam blinked.

‘Sit here.’ Mason said, moving to make room beside Hayden.

‘Liam you know Hayden from chem.’

‘And history.’ Hayden said.

‘Sure. Hi.’ Liam managed as he sat down beside Hayden and took out the paper bag that held his lunch. As he took out a bologna sandwich and an apple he was aware of the rest of the table discreetly glancing at his meal. They all bought their lunch from the cafeteria. Liam didn’t have that luxury. He had to make his meals every night for the next day. He was thankful he’d made today’s lunch early, before Mason had dragged him to that punk show.

Liam shifted in his seat as he ate his sandwich. He glanced at Kira and Mason, chatting like there was nothing wrong. Except to Mason, nothing was wrong. He’d clearly made up with Kira and had no idea that she was cheating on him.

‘Liam?’ Danny repeated. Liam choked on his food. Nolan gave him a swift slap on the back, dislodging the bite of sandwich from Liam’s throat and allowing him to breathe again.

‘Sorry.’

‘You okay?’ Danny asked. Liam nodded.

‘I didn’t hear. I wasn’t paying attention.’ Liam said.

‘He likes to day dream.’ Kira pointed out, stealing a piece of pepperoni off Nolan’s pizza. The teen frowned and grabbed it away from her.

‘What were you thinking about?’ Hayden asked. Liam blanked. He needed to say something—they were all waiting. But he couldn’t blurt out what he’d been actually thinking. He needed something else.

‘Ummm, how hard it would be to dye your hair pink.’ Liam said. Which seemed to be another wrong thing to say since now all eyes were on him. The looks varied from suspicious to intrigued, all the way to Hayden’s disapproving frown.

‘You’re not going to dye your hair pink are you?’

‘What? Me?’ Liam asked. Knowing glances passed between the rest of the table. ‘No, no. I was… it was just a daydream.’

‘Good. Cuz I think you look good how you are.’ Hayden smiled. Lima gave a nervous grin in return, trying to catch Mason’s eye. The boy gave him a hidden thumbs up. Liam wanted to die.

‘So, about pink hair.’ Danny waved a french fry in the air, ‘I think you could pull it off.’

‘Yeah.’ Kira chimed in, ‘You must have seen something that inspired you to think of it.’

Nolan snorted, barely containing his laughter.

‘Ummm, I don’t know.’ Liam said. ‘I just like pink.’

‘You. You like pink.’ Hayden said.

‘It’s his favourite color.’ Mason joked. Liam felt his cheeks burn. Hayden put her hand on his and gave him a reassuring look.

‘Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s sweet. I like pink, too.’

‘But you’re a girl.’ Nolan said.

‘A woman.’ Mason corrected.

‘Let’s not make assumptions about how people identify.’ Kira said without looking up from her phone.

‘Right. Sorry.’ Nolan nodded. The entire table turned to look at Hayden.

‘Uhhh…I’m a woman?’

‘Right. Good. Awesome.’ Nolan said before stealing a fry from Danny, only to get his hand swatted away.

‘You have weird friends.’ Hayden whispered to Liam.

‘Sorry.’ He said.

‘It’s okay. I like them. They’re quirky.’

Liam was pretty sure that none of the people at the table would approve of being called quirky but he didn’t bother pointing that out. Hayden had moved closer during the conversation. He could feel her leg pressing against his as she leaned forward, clearly into his personal space. Something that made Liam very anxious. Luckily Mason caught on and gave his friend a worried look.

‘Liam,’ He stood up, ‘Can you come help me grab something from my car before the bell?’

Liam nodded, following after Mason in a calm, but urgent pace. Once they rounded the corner and were out of sight, Mason guided him into one of the empty homerooms and sat Liam down at a desk.

‘You gonna be okay?’ He asked. Liam nodded.

‘I know sometimes you get freaked out. But that’s okay. Alright?’ Mason said. he reached out to rub Liam’s back like he usually did when Liam got overwhelmed.

‘This okay?’

‘You don’t have to ask every time. But yeah.’ Liam gave permission. He sighed as Mason rubbed his back and calmed him down.

‘Sorry I’m such a baby.’

‘Dude, you’re not a baby.’

‘Feel like one.’

‘Hey, listen. That’s your dad talking, okay? Don’t think like that.’ Mason’s voice was gentle. Liam smiled—he was so glad to have someone that cared about him like Mason did. Even if he was wrong.

‘Gentlemen.’ A deep voice made them look up. Their biology teacher, Mr. Hale, was peering at them over his glasses.

‘Sorry! We were… I was just…’ Mason tried to string together a good excuse for being in a room they weren’t supposed to be.

‘It’s alright.’ Mr. Hale said, taking a seat at his desk.

‘There’s ten minutes to the bell. You can stay if you need to.’ He looked directly at Liam. The boy nodded. This was the first year he had Mr. Hale. There were lots of stories about how strict he was. And his temper. Liam heard he took off two letters from a kid’s paper because he talked back to him in class. Liam wasn’t too worried, he’d never do something like that. But still, it was unusual to see a teacher being so understanding. Especially one with the scariest reputation in the school.

‘Mason, do you need to use the room after school again?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘Oh, no. Not today, Mr. Hale.’ Mason said. Liam gave him a questioning look. Something Mason brushed away with a forced smile.

Liam felt himself calming down. He watched Mr. Hale write out his lesson on the board. Their biology teacher had only been at the school for three years and was by far the youngest teacher in the school. Liam’s interactions with him had been pretty straight forward and business-like. Mr. Hale gave homework. Liam did homework and passed it in. Liam was getting an A minus in the class—something he really had to work hard at, unlike history or gym. Science was not his strong point.

The bell rang and Liam sighed. Calculus was calling to him. He got up and headed to the door with Mason. Before he left he paused and looked back.

‘Mr. Hale… umm… thanks.’

Mr. Hale set his glasses on his desk.

‘Anytime, Liam. My door is always open.’

Liam gave a nod and headed to class, giving Mason a small wave. He felt a little clearer now, like he could get through the rest of the day. The nagging problem of Kira was still sitting in the back of his mind, though. He really needed to talk to Scott and sort everything out. Hopefully the older boy would be able to give him some insight into what to do.

Chapter Text

‘Please open your hymnal to 382 and join me in song.’ Pastor Dunbar spoke from the pulpit. The congregation rose to their feet. Liam reluctantly joined them, mouthing the words. His heart wasn’t in it. He’d narrowly dodged his dad’s disapproval with the black eye. Kira’s makeup tips had saved him while it healed on its own.

It hadn’t been for a few days since Liam had discovered Kira was cheating on Mason. He’d meant to speak to Scott about it, but when he got home his dad confronted him about the B+ he was pulling in Geography. The class was brutal and even though Liam had the second highest mark out of all the students (second to Mason’s A-) his dad felt he was slacking off. Which meant spending more time at the church and with his studies. Mason was accustomed to the spells of radio silence Liam had to endure. It turned out that Scott was not.

After the sermon had finished Liam helped clean up the pews and reorder the hymnals in their shelves. His dad stood in by the entrance, speaking to the deacons and several women. Liam couldn’t hear what they were saying but it was clear they weren’t happy about something. He thought about trying to get closer and figure out what was going on, but decided that he had enough problems of his own to deal with. By the time his dad was ready to go home Liam had been walking around the church in circles for an hour.

The drive home was quiet. Liam glanced out the window as they passed Ruby’s, a small family-owned ice cream shop. They stopped there every Sunday after service. It wasn’t like his dad to change routines. Especially one so old it was practically tradition. Come to think of it, Liam hadn’t seen Ms. Ruby at church either.

‘Aren’t we gonna stop?’

‘Not today.’ The tone was firm. Liam dropped the topic and leaned against the window. They’d be home in ten minutes and he could finish his bio report.

‘Liam.’ His dad spoke without taking his eyes off the road, ‘What extracurriculars are you in at school?’

‘None really. I spend all my extra time on Sunday school and youth group stuff.’

‘So you don’t have Derek Hale as a teacher.’

‘Mr. Hale? I have him for bio.’ Liam frowned.

‘Has he ever tried anything with you?’ Liam could see his dad’s fists gripping the steering wheel with an intensity that made his knuckles white.

‘What do you mean?’ Liam asked.

‘Nothing. Never mind. Just, if anything strange happens let me know right away. Alright?’

‘Sure. I can do that.’ Liam said.

‘You’re a good boy, Liam.’ His dad said as they turned onto their street. When he was younger those words would have filled him with joy. Now they seemed hollow. False. Like all the goodness had been bled out of them and all that was left was pale, lifeless platitude.

‘Who’s that?’ His dad asked, slowing the car. Liam peered out the window. Scott was leaning against the hood of his small, black car. He spotted them and waved as they pulled into their driveway.

‘Good to finally meet you, pastor.’ Scott came over as soon as they were getting out of the car, his hand extended. Liam watched his dad squeeze Scott’s hand—he always had a thing for making sure a man’s handshake was firm. Scott didn’t bat an eyelash, applying force and pressure two fold and making the pastor calmly disengage his grip. At least the older boy had passed that hurdle.

‘Oh sorry, did Liam not tell you I was coming over?’ Scott said, glancing at his new friend.

‘He failed to mention it.’ The pastor said.

‘Oh maybe I got the date wrong. I’m supposed to tutor him.’ Scott said, ‘But if now’s not a good time I’ll come back later.’

‘No. No it’s fine. Why don’t you boys go inside. Liam, make our guest feel welcome.’

‘You’re not coming in?’ Liam asked as his dad opened the car door again.

‘I’m afraid there a few concerned members of the congregation I need to visit. Clear some things up. You focus on your studies. I expect an A.’ Liam watched him back the car out of the driveway and head around the corner.

‘Ummm, want to come in?’

‘Sure.’ Scott smiled and followed Liam into the house. They kicked off their shoes at the front door.

‘Want something to drink?’ Liam asked.

‘Iced tea?’ Scott asked.

‘One sec.’ Liam went into the kitchen and took out some glasses. Scott followed behind, taking in the room.

‘Thanks.’ He said before taking a drink. ‘This place is super clean. Like, freaky clean. It’s almost like no one lives here.’

‘Yeah, the deacons’ wives take turns cleaning the house every week.’ Liam said.

‘Your mom must love that.’ Scott chuckled. Liam took his time putting the iced tea away. Scott clutched his glass as he watched Liam. The boy’s movements were normal but the muscles of his back were stiff and tense. Liam sat at the island across from Scott, cleaning up the water from the pitcher.

‘Liam, I’m sorry.’

‘Why?’

‘I didn’t know about your mom.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Is she… did she…’

‘She’s in New York. With her new family.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I don’t care.’ Liam said. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’

‘I tried to get in touch yesterday, see if you wanted to hang out. Then I realized I didn’t know your number. So here I am!’ Scott smiled.

‘You shouldn’t be here.’ Liam muttered. Scott frowned.

‘Liam, is everything okay?’

‘Sure. Yeah. I just really need to study.’ Liam said as he headed into the living room to grab his book bag. Scott set his glass in the sink and went after him.

‘Liam, I know we just met a week ago or whatever, but you don’t look like everything is okay.’

Liam sighed and closed his eyes. He grabbed his book bag and headed upstairs. Scott lingered, unsure if he’d crossed a line he shouldn’t have. Liam stopped on the stairs and looked back.

‘My room’s up here.’

‘Cool.’ Scott smiled, following.

Liam’s room didn’t look anything like a typical teenager’s room—there were two posters on the wall—one lacrosse poster and a basketball player. There were no clothes on the floor, and the bed was perfectly made. Everything was in order—neat and tidy. Scott did a double take as Liam pulled out a chair by his desk. There were no personal knickknacks or trophies. Almost like Liam didn’t use the room for anything but sleep and study.

Liam sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded on his lap. Scott glanced around the room. Liam had a basketball tucked away by the edge of his bed. Scott leaned down and picked it up. The surface was clean. Unused.

‘You play?’

‘Not really.’ Liam said.

‘Wanna?’ Scott asked.

‘I dunno.’ Liam said, ‘I should really study.’

‘How many hours do you study a day?’

‘Four. Usually.’ Liam said.

‘Liam. That’s more studying than like, ten kids in high school.’ Scott tried to crack a joke. Liam sat in silence.

‘Alright. I guess I’ll see you around, maybe.’ Scott said as he stood.

‘No!’ Liam startled himself. Scott froze mid-step and gave a small nod before sinking back into the chair. Liam wedged his hands between his knees. This was a lot harder than he thought it would be. Friends were harder than he thought they would be. Mason was used to him for the most part. At first he’d pressed really hard, trying to get Liam to break free from the way his life was, but that just made Liam feel bad. Mason knew when to back off to give Liam room. Except Liam wasn’t sure he wanted room right now. At least not the way it had been happening. There were so many new things, so many questions inside of him now, and it was getting harder to hold them in. Plus, there was no way he could go to Mason with some of the things he felt or thought. Especially considering Kira and the girl from the band.

‘I’m not very good.’ Liam said. Scott frowned. It was hard to frame what the boy was saying in any context. Scott hoped he was talking about basketball.

‘Neither am I.’ The older boy smiled and relaxed in his chair. ‘Honestly I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. But it’s fun to play. It’s fun to just get out there, you know?’

Liam shrugged. Scott scooped up the ball.

‘How about I help you study for like an hour, then we hit the court?’

Liam glanced up at Scott—the older boy had an air about him. It made Liam less on edge. Scott was non-judgemental. But at the same time Liam got the impression he’d gone through some tough times. It drew him to Scott. Made him feel like he could trust him.

‘Okay.’ Liam found himself smiling even as he pulled out his pre-cal text book.

‘That was totally cheating!’ Scott yelled as Liam took a shot at the net. Liam was smaller, but much faster. The boy seemed to have endless energy—something Scott would have never guessed from the quiet, reserved manner Liam presented.

They’d finished Liam’s work faster than usual—it turned out Scott was a decent teacher, even if they had to walk through a lot of the material together. Scott had a way of making things relatable. With that, Liam was able to head to the community park and play one-on-one with Scott, guilt free.

Liam watched the ball sink into the net. He wiped his face off to keep sweat from stinging his eyes.

‘Okay. Gloves are off now, Liam.’ Scott smiled. He peeled his sweat-drenched t-shirt off. Liam couldn’t help it—his eyes darted to the lean muscles of Scott’s torso. The older boy’s darker skin glistened with sweat. Liam looked away before Scott could catch him. He didn’t even like Scott that way. But he couldn’t deny that he was cute. And kind. And helpful.

Liam huffed as he ran to get the ball. He could feel his cheeks burning. Scott tucked his shirt into his waistband and held out his hands for a pass. Liam got closer and pushed the ball out from his chest.

‘Dude, you’re melting.’ Scott chuckled. It was true—Liam found one old grey t-shirt in the bottom of his dresser. It was a little older and kind of snug, but it was better than wearing a polo on the basketball court. Except he knew he was sweating like mad, and it was easy to see with the color of his shirt. He wanted to take his shirt off and cool down, but it wasn’t an option.

‘You’re three points behind.’ Liam flashed a smile. Scott picked up on the change of topic quickly. He returned Liam’s smile with one of his own, to let him know there was no pressure. Scott winked and took a shot—sinking the ball.

‘I wasn’t ready.’ Liam said.

‘No one’s ever ready for my move.’ Scott laughed.

‘You’re terrible.’ Liam found a genuine smile on his face. Scott was safe. Scott was good. Liam found himself watching how Scott moved on the court—his chest, his arms, his shoulders. He wondered what Theo would look like playing basketball. Moving the way Scott was. Did Theo have scars? Liam’s eyes fell on Scott’s side from where the dog bit him. To the jagged marks across his right shoulder blade. Liam felt his breath catch in his throat. The ball came his way and he reached out, fingers grazing the surface. Not paying attention.

‘Dude, you okay?’ Scott looked at him with concern.

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Liam’s eyes fell. Scott tilted his head. The younger boy grabbed the ball and passed it, but wouldn’t look him in the face.

‘Time out. I need a rest.’ Scott said, heading for the bench along the chainlink fence. He sat down and drank some water before passing it to Liam. Scott leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. Thinking.

‘My mom’s a nurse. Did I tell you that?’ Scott asked. Liam shook his head, pushing his hair out of his face.

‘My dad, he’s this big time detective or whatever. Used to be FBI.’ Scott said, watching the leaves of the trees move in the slight breeze moving though the park.

‘When I was little I wanted to be just like him. I didn’t understand why my mom didn’t like him. They fought a lot. Lots of yelling. I mean, I don’t even remember specifics, really. Just feeling scared and confused. And I hated her for making him mad.’ Scott leaned back against the fence.

‘After he lost his job he started drinking. Things got worse. I knew something was wrong. I knew it. I could see him change, like, a little bit at a time. When he started to hit her I… I kind of suspected. But I was so little and I didn’t understand. Couldn’t understand. It wasn’t hard to see after a few months. That he wasn’t my dad anymore. Not really. One day I broke the window with a baseball. And this happened.’ Scott turned his shoulder to look at the faded scar across his shoulder. Jagged. Thin lines of anger disappearing into skin.

‘What happened?’ Liam asked. His heart ached. His eyes were edged with tears.

‘He lost it. Just, lost it. Hit me with a beer bottle. I dunno if it cracked on my shoulder blade or what. It didn’t hurt at first. I mean, it hurt inside. That he was…that he hit me. He was so angry. Then I started to bleed. And my mom was there suddenly. And the hospital.’ Scott looked at his feet.

‘I never want to be like him.’

Every part of Liam urged him to reach out. To comfort Scott. But what could he offer but pity? He was so small. He wasn’t useful to anyone. He certainly couldn’t help Scott, who was so much stronger and braver than he was. Instead he wiped his tears away, knowing Scott had seen them.

‘What happened then?’

‘Mom left him. We moved out. I met Th… I met some friends. They helped me. But it was hard. I was so used to being alone. I didn’t trust anyone. One friend, he practically beat me up to get me to trust him.’ Scott chuckled.

‘That sounds messed up.’

‘Yeah. It was. But he’s… he has problems of his own.’ Scott said. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to drop that on you.’

‘It’s okay. Really.’ Liam said. Scott nodded. He squeezed Liam’s shoulder.

‘Thanks for listening.’

‘No problem.’

‘If you ever want to… talk or hang out, I’m around too.’ Scott said. Liam bit his lip and nodded.

‘Your friends… are you still friends now?’ Liam asked.

‘Yeah. We actually had a band!’ Scott’s face lit up. ‘We were terrible though.’

‘What was it called? Were you a punk band?’ Liam smiled.

‘We were “The Pack”. Awful name.’ Scott shook his head. ‘Not punk. Not really anything I guess. Just noise.’

‘Sounds kind of punk.’

Scott laughed.

‘I like you, Liam.’

Liam blushed. Scott was so direct with his feelings. Like there was no barrier between him and the world. Not like when Liam felt something well up inside him. Not like when he got angry and all the safeguards snapped into place. Locking things down. No, Scott was open and free. Liam felt a mix of jealousy and longing at the same time that made him hiccup.

‘Hey, you want to meet them?’

‘Your friends?’

‘Sure. They’re playing a gig tonight.’

‘Your band?’

‘Naw. We broke up. But they made a new band. “Banshee”. They’re wicked!’ Scott said.

‘So they made a new band without you?’ Liam asked. That didn’t seem very cool.

‘I… I didn’t want to be in a band anymore. And our other friend, he had a different band. New friends. So it’s all okay.’ Scott said. Liam didn’t get the feeling that he was just being kind. He seemed laid back. Accepting of however things had turned out. More than ever Liam felt like Scott was a good person to talk to about Kira and Mason, even if he was friends with them. He would be able to give Liam good advice, he was sure of it.

‘I’m supposed to clean the church basement tonight.’ Liam mumbled.

‘I’ll help.’ Scott said, standing up.

‘You don’t have to.’

‘I want to.’ Scott said, ‘Besides, look how fast we got through your homework! We’re a good team.’

‘Ha. I guess.’ Liam said. ‘You sure?’

‘I’m sure. We’ll clean it so it shines and then go to the gig and you’ll be back before ten.’

‘It’s not a late night show?’

‘Naw. They’re not as wild as Chimera.’ Scott smiled.

‘Alright.’ Liam said. He hoped his dad was going to be distracted a little bit longer. The past week or so he’d been able to go to different things and meet new people were much needed breaths of fresh air. He was sure he could sneak out one more time at least.

‘Awesome.’ Scott gave him a crooked smile.

The building was small—an all ages club that was on the other side of the neighbourhood. Lots of younger teenagers milled around. Liam felt the anxiety well up inside at the sound and sight of so many people. Scott’s hand on his shoulder calmed him a bit. The older boy guided them to the side entrance. He leaned in and spoke with the bouncer, who opened the door a second later to let them inside, circumventing the crowd.

‘VIP?’ Liam joked. Scott nodded.

‘They always save me a spot up at the top. Better view!’

Scott led him up the side stairs to the balcony. There were a few people already there—mostly older and interested in their phones. Scott got them seats near the front so they could see the show directly.

As they settled in the lights changed. The place had a different vibe than the punk show they’d gone to. A bit less frenetic, though the excitement was still there. A woman came out to announce the line up and Liam turned to Scott.

‘So what do they play?’

‘Mostly original stuff. Kind of eclectic.’

‘Electric?’ Liam frowned.

‘Eclectic. Big mix of stuff. Some electric too, knowing Erica.’ Scott said.

‘Erica?’ Liam asked. Scott didn’t have time to answer—the band was taking their place on stage.

Two woman took centerstage. One with hair like fire, one with dark hair and eyes. Behind them were two boys—one was pale and skinny with a bass and the other guy was broad-shouldered with an electric guitar. A blonde woman with a smug look sat at the drums. The red-head held her hand up, lips pursed. She waited until the room feel silent before nodding to the dummer, who started a simple beat. The bass player joined in after that, then the others. It wasn’t like an kind of music Liam had heard before. It certainly wasn’t punk.

When the two woman began to vocalize Liam felt his hair stand on end. They weren’t singing words, but the sounds they were making were haunting. Striking. Shaking him deep to his core somehow. After a few minutes they trailed off—then suddenly broke into lyrics with force and power, but not overwhelming like Theo’s vocals. He sang like there was something inside trying to claw its way out. The women on stage sang like they knew something. Like they had seen things just out of sight and they were teasing almost. Coaxing. The crowd joined in with enthusiasm, cheering and responding to every move and pause the band made. It was an entirely new experience.

‘What do you think?’ Scott asked. Liam looked at him giving a nod of approval. Words weren’t coming fully formed to his mind in that moment. He smiled, and Scott smiled back as they settled in to listen to the rest of the set.

‘Scott McCall.’ The dark-haired woman opened her arms and pulled him into a hug.

‘Or is it Delgado now?’ She smirked.

‘Still McCall. For now.’ He gave a weak smile. Liam guessed it was something to do with his parent’s separation, but it seemed out of place if it happened years ago. Maybe an inside joke?

‘And who is this? Your protege?’ She turned her eyes to Liam.

‘Allison, this is Liam. Liam, this is Allison. We used to go out.’ Scott said.

‘Before I dumped him.’

‘You didn’t dump me. You moved.’ Scott said.

‘That’s what he tells himself to feel better.’ Allison said to Liam. She turned to Scott and shared a chuckle. Clearly they were comfortable around each other.

‘Scott!’ A voice cracked through the air as a blur flew past Liam and tackled the older boy. Scott laughed, untangling himself from gangly limbs.

‘Liam, this is Stiles. That’s Erica, Boyd, and Lydia.’ Scott said, throwing an arm around Stiles’ shoulder.

‘Everyone this is my friend Liam.’

Lydia raised her eyebrow. Scott’s eyes narrowed and he shook his head. She nodded, then turned to Liam with a warm smile.

‘Welcome to our little group of misfits.’

‘Thanks. I… I liked your singing. Band. All of it.’ Liam sputtered.

‘You’re adorable.’ Lydia said after a minute then turned to Scott, ‘He’s adorable. Are you keeping him? Because if you’re not…’

‘Lydia…’ Scott’s voice was deeper then, and Liam saw something unspoken pass between them. They’d been friends long enough to have a quiet language. Liam got the impression that something important had just happened, but he couldn’t figure it out.

‘We’re going to Gus’s.’ Erica said, giving Liam a nod.

‘Still straight edge?’ Boyd asked Scott. The older boy nodded.

‘What about you?’ Erica asked Liam.

‘What about me?’

‘He doesn’t drink. Or anything.’ Scott said, pulling Liam close.

‘Cool. Catch you later, Scottie.’ Erica said with a wink as she left with Boyd.

‘Scott. Scott. Hey. I have this thing I got to talk about with Lydia. Stick around, yeah?’ Stiles smiled. Scott nodded. Stiles passed Liam, giving him an awkward slap on the back.

‘When you said you were coming I thought you were bringing a date.’ Allison said.

‘Liam’s my date.’ Scott said. ‘My super platonic, chill bro time, bro date. Person.’

Allison smiled, ‘Well at least you didn’t waltz in here with Theo.’

‘You know Theo?’ Liam asked before he could stop himself. His heart skipped a beat at the mention of the pink-haired singer’s name.

Allison looked between Scott and Liam. More unspoken words.

‘I make it a habit to know all Scott’s ex’s.’ Allison teased. Liam blinked. Scott made a hissing noise. Allison flipped her hair back and patted Liam on the shoulder.

‘I’m teasing, Liam.’ She glanced at Scott, ‘We all used to be friends. Back in the day.’

‘Oh. Cool.’

‘Remember the band I was telling you about? Theo was in it, too. So was Stiles.’ Scott said.

‘So you all hang out and stuff.’

‘No.’ Allison said, straightening up. Silence stretched out between them.

‘Shit. We have to jet. Liam has a curfew.’ Scott said. Another look from Allison. Scott tilted his head.

‘Tell Stiles I’ll catch up with him tomorrow!’ Scott said, pulling Liam away.

‘It was nice to meet you.’ Liam said.

‘I’m sure I’ll see you again, Liam.’ Allison smiled. She seemed nice, though there was something there at the end. Something like a sharp knife. A little bit of something Liam recognized when he saw Theo singing. He wanted to asked Scott more about the pink-haired boy, but felt like it wasn’t a good time. Scott seemed a bit more on edge now after they spoke with the band.

The drive home was quiet. Liam picked at the edge of his shirt hem.

‘Hey, can I ask you something? Some advice?’ Liam asked.

‘Sure. But I’m awful at giving advice, just so you know.’ Scott said.

‘Say you had a friend, and they had like, a girlfriend.’ Liam said.

‘With you so far.’

‘Say you saw the girlfriend kind of cheating on your friend.’

‘Hmmm.’ Scott said, turning onto Liam’s street.

‘But telling your friend might kind of be also telling a secret about their girlfriend that isn’t yours to tell. What should you do?’

Scott was silent as he pulled up to the curb outside of Liam’s house and parked the car. He was quiet for a few more seconds.

‘I don’t know. Sorry.’ Scott said. Liam slumped in his seat a bit. Scott studied him closely, trying to puzzle things out.

‘I wouldn’t want to be anyone in that situation.’ Scott said, ‘But depending on my friend, I would tell them. Discretely. Without giving away the details that weren’t mine to tell. It’s a hard place to be, but I would hope that my friend would understand, even if they were mad with me for awhile.’

Liam nodded. Even if Scott said he was bad at giving advice, it gave Liam an idea of what to do, possibly. Something to think about anyway.

‘Here.’ Scott said, jotting his number down on a torn off piece of paper. ‘If you wanna hang out or whatever, give me a call.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam said. He reached for the door and lingered. Should he ask about Theo? It felt like the name alone threw Scott off.

‘What is it?’ Scott asked. Liam could hear the concern in his voice. No, Scott had been shaken by whatever happened with the band enough that Liam felt bad pushing him even more. Especially since he’d been so nice.

‘Nothing. I had fun. Thanks.’ Liam said.

‘My pleasure.’ Scott said.

Liam stepped out and closed the door, giving Scott a wave as he drove off. No car in the driveway meant his dad wasn’t home. Again. His frequent disappearances were starting to worry Liam, though he decided to leave it be and enjoy the small breathing space it made.

Tomorrow was another day.

Chapter Text

Liam was not having a good day. He’d tried to find the time to sit down with Mason after he got advice from Scott. To bring up the topic of Kira softly, so that his friend could draw his own conclusions, maybe. Except Liam’s dad had come down pretty hard on him for no reason Liam could think of. Suddenly his free time didn’t exist anymore—it was filled with fixing old hymn books, changing cushions on pews, running the youth group and bible study, as well as helping with the Sunday School play. More than he usually got saddled with, and from the looks his dad was giving him, Liam knew he’d done something to deserve it. At least in his dad’s mind. Anger flared up at every glance from the man, and Liam pushed it down. Deep down. Making everything cool and calm again.

Without his bike, Liam had to run everywhere in order to keep on schedule. He’d managed to get a few rides here and there, but for the most part he was on his own. Whatever secret project his dad and his inner circle were working on included the car. Not that Liam was allowed to drive it anyway. Instead he made the most of the situation—at least he was keeping in shape.

Currently he had to meet Mason outside the school to give him back his physics textbook. Liam had been so tense all day, watching Kira and Mason and the others that he’d forgotten to give it back. It wasn’t any different from his own textbook, except Mason had a habit of making notes in the margins that explained things so much better than the teacher. One of several Liam was sure had it in for him. If not all of them. Except for Mr. Hale, who seemed pretty gruff on the surface, but Liam had seen the man go out of his way several times now when students were in trouble. If he kept it up he’d quickly become Liam’s favourite teacher.

Liam slowed to a jog as he passed the gate to the cemetery. He’d missed his visit a few days ago, but he knew his Gram would understand. Actually she’d probably chew out his dad and get him to back off. A sharp pang stopped him as fingers gripped the wrought iron fence around the pristine green grass. He missed her so much! Liam clenched his teeth as the feeling ripped through him, carving out a path for everything else he’d been pushing down over the years.

He was fine. This was fine. He deserved everything he felt as the barbs of loss tore at him from the inside. As they faded away Liam felt hollow. Desperate. Like he was barely holding onto the end of a rope that was already frayed. A feeling he hadn’t felt so keenly in many years. Without thinking he balled a fist and slammed it into the metal bar in front of him. The sharp pain shook the tendrils away from his heart and he was left standing alone on the sidewalk—the sound of dogs barking and kids playing in the distance. He looked down at his knuckles. They didn’t look too bad. Nothing he couldn’t hide.

Liam glanced up at the cemetery before starting his run again. Gram would not be happy if she knew he’d hurt himself. But she wasn’t there anymore. And Liam had to make due on his own. For now all that mattered was to get Mason his textbook and then get back to the church for the youth group.

‘Mase?’ Liam scanned the front steps of the school. When Mason called the house he said he’d be waiting outside. But Mason was easily distracted when it came to certain things. Like science. Or fantasy novels. Or anything punk. Liam slowed to catch his breath. If he couldn’t find his friend he’d tuck the book somewhere only he knew about and give Mason a call when he got to the church. He didn’t have a lot of time to waste.

As he sat in the shade of one of the trees next to the stairs, Liam heard voices. He circled around the edge of the building and tried to find where they were coming from.

‘…that’s not how it works.’ Mason’s voice.

Liam blinked when the far side of the school was completely empty. The voices were louder though, coming from a window. Liam followed them.

‘And why should he be in charge? He’s still a cisgender man. Don’t we have enough of that?’ Kira sounded like she was annoyed.

What were they talking about? Liam came to a stop next to an open window. One that he recognized belonged to Mr. Hale’s room. He was about to peek over the edge and surprise them when another voice joined in.

‘Settle down, Kira. We’re all friends here. That’s the whole point. But even if I’m the teacher liaison for the club, you still need a formal structure.’ Mr. Hale said.

Club? Mason never said anything about that. Come to think of it, Mr. Hale did ask Mason if he needed the room after school the other day. Maybe it was for their club, whatever it was.

‘Scott should be in charge.’ Nolan said.

‘Scott graduated.’ Mr. Hale said, ‘It has to be one of you.’

‘Then Kira can do it.’ Mason said.

‘I was just saying maybe we need to make room for people of all different gender identities. I didn’t say I wanted to be president.’ Liam couldn’t see them but he could feel the force of Kira’s eye roll.

‘For the love of god…’ Danny muttered, ‘I nominate Mason.’

Silence.

‘Ummm, I guess I second that?’ Nolan said.

‘Objections?’ Mr. Hale asked. Liam heard a faint grumbling sound from Kira.

‘Great. Now that we’re finished with that we can move on to actual business.’ Mr. Hale said.

‘What’s our budget look like?’ Nolan asked.

‘All school clubs get the same amount.’

‘Balls.’ Nolan mumbled.

‘Mr. Holloway.’ The teacher said, an edge to his voice.

‘Sorry.’ Nolan said.

‘Isn’t there supposed to be one more of you? Where’s Liam Dunbar?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘He’s… he didn’t want to come.’ Mason said. Liam blinked, eyes darting to the grass beneath his feet. Did Mason invite him to something again and he forgot? Did he brush his friend off? No. He was sure Mason never mentioned an after school club of any kind. Liam would have remembered because Mason would have tried every angle he could imagine to get him to go. And that definitely hadn’t happened. What then? They left him out on purpose? Maybe Mason just didn’t think it was worth trying to involve him. It was really only a matter of time until his friend got tired of all the baggage Liam was carrying around. It was probably better this way.

Liam walked back to the front of the school, tuning out the voices as they continued to talk. He tucked the physics text beside the front wheel of Mason’s bike. He’d find it when he came out. Liam stood at the edge of the pavement. He glanced back at the school. He could go in—

No. He wasn’t invited. Worse. He’d been purposely left out. But it was fine.

No it’s not. The though jolted him like a dagger in the side.

It was fine. He pushed his hear back. He didn’t have time to spare anyway. Even if he’d been invited he’d have to turn them down.

But they didn’t invite him.

Liam shook his head. He narrowed his eyes. He could feel it inside, building up like a cyclone. The more he pushed his anger and hurt down the more excited the energy became. Calm and cool was not happening. He needed to try something else.

The moment the sole of his foot hit the pavement he knew he’d made the right choice. The sun beat down on him, but he didn’t care. He kept his legs pumping, tearing through the empty parking lot with a speed that surprised him. When he hit the sidewalk he bolted along the side streets where there were fewer people to avoid. His breath came in waves. His heart hammered in his chest. Every muscle protested—aching and tired from a long day already. The rage inside of him thundered, seeking a target as it slowly bled away into his movements.

Liam passed the turn that took him to the church. He passed the back way to his house. He passed everything—heading deeper into Beacon Hills than he’d been on foot. He passed the neighbourhoods he knew, knowing that if he stopped before everything was gone inside he would explode. So he kept running.

The sun had taken a dramatic drop towards the horizon by the time Liam’s lungs refused to keep pace. His run became a jog then, and the jog turned into an aimless wander. The anger was still there, but it was smaller. Enough to hold onto, like a burning ember in blister-seared palms. Liam kept his grip tight. Everything hurt. Everything ached. Outside, as well as inside.

He’d never asked for this. He’d never asked to be a freak. To be an outcast. To have a dad who hated him, and a mom who was in such a rush to get away she never looked back as soon as the divorce went through. He didn’t want to be stupid. Bad. Dumb. He didn’t want to be a wimp. He didn’t want to feel things so sharp they hurt. Everything hurt. Everything was confusing. He felt the surge of anger before it had a chance to boil up this time, and wrenched control back. Could you be angry at being angry? Liam felt like he was.

The sun was still hot and Liam was sweating rivers. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and walked in his tank top until he found a small alleyway of shade. As he settled on a box he realized he was visible from the street and made his way around back slightly, so no one would bother him. He didn’t want to be seen. Didn’t want the weight of anyone’s eyes on him now. Not when he was like this.

Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t he be better, like his dad wanted? Why was changing who you were so hard? Liam sighed and wiped his face with his shirt. It was cooler leaning against the bricks of the building. At least here he could think. Except thinking never helped that much. And whenever he tried to actually do something it always seemed to be the wrong thing. Making everyone mad. Or making them leave, like his mom. His eyes wandered to the dumpster down the way. A mangy cat was making noise as it looked for scraps.

Liam closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He was tired. More than tired. He was something else. Whatever was worse than tired. Weary? Like things were almost too much for him to handle. Like it could come falling down if he made the wrong move.

‘Liam?’ The voice was surprised, but hopeful. Liam turned to see the door a few feet away had opened exposing a world of steam and yelling. A boy with green eyes and pink hair was staring at him.

‘Th-Theo?’ Liam tried to sit up but only managed to bang his head against the brinks. A soft chuckle from Theo made his cheeks burn hot again, taking the place of the flush of exertion his marathon made.

‘One sec.’ Theo said as he put the trash into the dumpster. The cat jumped back a few feet but didn’t run. Theo turned and knelt down, reaching into the pocket of his apron and tossing the cat some scraps of meat. The cat approached slowly, then started to eat. It let Theo scratch behind it’s ears and gently pet it. Theo spoke in a low whisper. Something encouraging from the tone of it. He wiped his hands off on his apron and left the cat to its meal, heading back to Liam.

‘What are you doing here?’ Theo asked.

‘I’m just… I was running.’ Liam said. Theo’s smirk was small. Questioning.

‘I’m resting now.’

‘Before you run some more?’

‘No.’ Liam said, ‘I think I’m done for today. And maybe tomorrow.’

Theo’s smirk turned into a grin as he looked Liam over—slacks, boat shoes and a tank top. Dirty dress shirt on his lap.

‘You definitely don’t live around here.’

‘Not really.’

‘Lost?’

‘No. I mean… I don’t know.’

‘Been there.’ Theo said, leaning against the wall beside Liam. Locks of pink hair hung in his eyes and Liam felt his breath catch as the desire to push them out of Theo’s eyes took hold. He kept his hand still, but it shocked him how much he wanted to reach out. Instead he blushed and looked at his feet.

‘Theo! Get your ass in here!’ A woman yelled from inside.

‘I’m busy!’

‘I don’t pay you to play with stray cats, Theo! I pay you to wash the god damn dishes!’

‘One sec.’ Theo smiled at Liam then turned to the door, arguing with whoever was inside.

‘My shift was over two hours ago!’ The growl in his voice was pale in comparison to the vocals he’d let loose when they’d gone to see the band, but Liam could hear the undercurrents there.

‘There’s still prep to do.’

‘Tracey can do it when she gets here.’ Theo said, glancing at Liam. There was a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. He leaned down.

‘Just play along, okay?’ He whispered.

‘I gotta jet. My boyfriend’s here.’ Theo’s voice was lower this time, challenging. Liam felt the color drain from his face at his words.

‘Bullshit.’ The voice inside was followed by a clang of dishes and footsteps. Theo reached down, taking Liam’s hand and drawing the boy to his feet. As soon as he was upright, Theo pulled him close so their hips were touching. A causal arm draped around Liam’s back. Resting on the angle of his hip, like it belonged there. Effortless.

The woman that looked out wore her years openly—a scowl etched into her features. Her dark hair was all over the place and the steam from the kitchen behind her made it stick to her neck. Liam tried to think of what to do, what to say. There was nothing. He traitor brain had abandoned him. So he stood, pressed against Theo’s side as the boy draped himself wherever he wanted.

‘Still don’t pay you to play with strays.’ She said.

‘Boyfriend. Did you not hear me or is your hearing going, too?’ Theo gave a polite smile.

The cook looked Liam up and down before glancing back at Theo and snorting.

‘Not your usual type.’ She held out her hand. Theo smiled and peeled off his apron, putting it into her hand.

‘We just started going out. Taking it slow.’ Theo said.

The cook looked at Liam.

‘If you know what’s good for you, you’ll run as soon as he turns around.’

‘Hey!’ Theo said in mock hurt. The cook rolled her eyes and went back inside, leaving the door open.

Theo stepped away from Liam, noticing for the first time the stiffness of his shoulders.

‘Was that okay? Sorry. I should have asked. I just… I didn’t think.’

‘No!’ Liam blurted out, words finally returning. ‘No it was fine. I’m okay.’

‘Cool.’ Theo’s smile was easy. How was he so relaxed all the time?

‘You hungry?’ He asked, pushing the pink hair from his face. Liam was about to protest when suddenly he was keenly aware of the hollow pit where his stomach usually was, begging to be filled with something. Anything.

‘I think so.’

‘C’mon, Killer.’ Theo winked and took his hand, dragging him into the world behind the door.

As they made their way through the kitchen Liam fought to pay attention to what was around him—there were half a dozen people running around stainless steel appliances and long counters. Two cooks were at huge woks on a giant stove making stir fry. Liam glimpsed several plated dishes heading out to front of house. Anything to keep from focusing on the warmth of Theo’s fingers. The softness of his touch which was surprisingly gentle in comparison to the snarling image he presented on stage.

They pushed through the doors and stepped into a completely different place. Calm and tranquil almost. Faux Chinese decor covered the room from floor to ceiling—mass produced dragons and ink calligraphy from a printer accented the black, lacquer tables and plush red booths.

‘The usual spot?’ The waitress asked, barely acknowledging them.

‘Naw, we want the corner booth.’ Theo said. The waitress turned then glanced at Liam before smiling.

‘One sec.’ She said before clearing away the old dishes and wiping the table down. Liam sank into the booth. There were a dozen other tables being waited on. Liam was surprised that a dishwasher would be allowed the best spot in the restaurant so easily.

‘Dim sum?’ Theo looked up at him.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ Theo smiled, handing him a menu. ‘Pick what you want. It’s on me.’

‘What? Why?’ Liam said, taking the faux-leather menu.

‘You look hungrier than Norman Wells.’ Theo said.

‘Who?’ Liam was starting to feel stupid for not keeping up with the conversation.

‘My cat out back. My kitty from another hood. Normal Wells.’ Theo said, ‘Orson Wells’ lesser known cousin.’

‘Okay?’ Liam said, still confused, but smiling anyway at how expressive Theo was. He almost reminded him of Scott. But different. Very different.

‘Besides, I have to impress my boyfriend. It’s technically out first date.’ Theo teased. Liam felt himself bristle at the boy’s words. This time Theo picked up on it immediately. Some of his playfulness disappeared behind a shadow.

‘You okay, Killer?’ Theo’s voice was even in tone. Probing.

‘Yeah.’

‘You sure? Seem a bit uncomfortable.’ Theo said, setting his menu aside.

‘I’m just… tired. Mostly.’

‘Ah. You don’t want to be my boyfriend—‘

‘No!’ Liam bit his lip so hard after he said it he thought he tasted blood. Theo looked shocked, but it must have been the right response, because the quiet smile returned. The one that Liam remembered the first night he’d met Theo. Easy. Real.

‘I’m just kidding.’ Theo said, opening his menu again.

‘Oh.’ Liam said. ‘Umm, sorry. For yelling.’

‘It’s okay. Sometimes I’m a dick.’ Theo flashed another smile. Not as real. Something to hide behind. Liam didn’t know what to say so he tried his best to smile back.

They ordered quickly, Theo giving Liam recommendations and things to avoid (that swordfish wasn’t fresh when it came in two days ago, it’s definitely not fresh today). As they sat and waited for their food Liam looked down at the paper place mat. It had the Chinese zodiac on it, complete with fortune. Liam scanned the dates, trying to find out what his animal was.

‘What year were you born?’ Liam asked.

‘Trying to see if I’m too old for you?’ Theo teased.

‘What? No!’ Liam balked, blushing. He glanced up at Theo. ‘You don’t know. Maybe I like older guys.’

‘Oh, shots fired! Everybody down. Killer on the loose.’ Theo clasped his hands over his heart as if he’d been shot. Liam found himself laughing—the smile on his face was wide and came on its own.

‘I thought church people didn’t believe in fortune telling.’ Theo said.

‘Church people?’

‘Are you not church people?’

‘I’m a church person. I guess. Kinda.’

‘That’s cool.’ Theo smiled, trying to ease the small tension that was creeping back into the conversation.

‘I don’t think a place mat counts as a fortune.’ Liam said.

‘Maybe not. But there are other ways to see the future.’ Theo said.

‘Like a time machine?’

‘No,’ Theo laughed, ‘Like your palm.’

‘My palm?’

‘Sure. My sister was into it. Here, let me look. I remember a bit of it.’ Theo held out his hand. Liam hesitated then felt his heart jump as he put his hand into Theo’s. The pink-haired boy gave him a soft smile and turned Liam’s hand over, so the back was resting in Theo’s hand and Liam’s palm was exposed.

Theo leaned in over Liam’s hand. Liam did his best not to jump when Theo traced his finger tips on the lines that crossed Liam’s palm. Liam’s eyes wandered to the tattoos on Theo’s neck—wings and claws. Something else that disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt. The tattoos on his hands. His fingers. A rose. Some other designs Liam couldn’t make out clearly.

‘Long life life. Strong and healthy.’ Theo nodded. ‘Look this one is career. Kind of spotty at first then pretty solid. Might take you awhile to figure out your major in college or something. And here, that’s your heart line.’

‘Is it supposed to be so… fractured?’ Liam asked.

‘That’s just how it is sometimes.’ Theo said after a minute.

‘What is it supposed to mean?’

‘If the line is solid, the path is clear. When it’s broken it’s harder. To figure things out sometimes.’ Theo said. Liam felt a lump in his throat. Could Theo really tell all of this from random lines in his hand? It had to be an act.

‘You’re missing one.’ Theo said.

‘Where?’

‘Right up the middle. Fate line.’ Theo said as he let go of Liam’s hand and leaned back in the booth.

‘What’s that for?’ Liam asked, touching his palm where Theo’s fingers had lingered.

‘If it’s there, your fate it like a river—keep on course and it’ll all turn out.’

‘But you said I don’t have one. Does that mean I don’t have a fate?’

‘It’s just a trick, Killer. A game.’ Theo wet his lips with his tongue. Liam stared at his hand. Theo sighed.

‘It’s like being in the middle of the ocean. You can go in any direction. You choose your fate.’ Theo said as the waitress set their orders down on the table. After she left Liam glanced up at Theo.

‘You really believe that?’

‘Got to believe in something.’ Theo said before biting into an egg roll.

Talking to Theo was easy, almost relaxing. Everything he said had something to it. Again, Liam was reminded of Scott. He knew they were friends growing up, so maybe that explained why they were so alike in some ways. But so different in others. Scott always felt like he was excited. Ready to do something. Theo felt more at ease, but there was something just beneath the surface. Liam got a glimpse of it earlier before he’d yelled and startled half the restaurant. The animal inside the boy with pink hair felt very real at times. Very sharp and dangerous. But here, like this, it felt like Theo was different. Happy. On stage it felt like he was in so much pain. And anger. Liam was glad his random act of crazy had led him to the alleyway.

‘You’re a thinker, aren’t you.’ Theo poked at the last sweet and sour chicken ball on his plate.

‘What? No.’

‘I don’t mean that you like to think things over. I mean you get tied up in knots. Up here.’ Theo touched his own temple.

‘I guess.’ Liam said.

‘So what’s got you all twisted up?’ Theo asked.

‘You have friends.’ Liam said.

‘That I do.’ Theo winked.

‘I… don’t. Kind of. I mean, I do. But they’re new. And I don’t know if they like me very much.’ Liam said.

‘The ones the other night?’ Theo asked. Liam nodded.

‘Seemed to like you just fine.’ Theo said. The edge was back. Just a hint of it.

‘We just started hanging out. I don’t know them very well.’ Liam said.

‘What about Brett?’

Liam felt his gut turn cold at the mention of the tall boy.

‘Sorry.’ Theo held up a hand, ‘Sorry. I was just curious. He doesn’t talk about you either when I ask.’

‘You asked him about me?’ Liam frowned. This time Theo blushed—clearly caught off guard. He tossed the last morsel from his plate into the air and caught it with his mouth.

‘Gonna eat the rest?’ Theo asked, looking at the third plate of food he’d ordered Liam. The boy shook his head. The waitress was there suddenly, giving Theo a take away box. After Theo was finished he looked up at Liam.

‘Tea?’

‘I should go.’ Liam said.

‘If you wait a bit my roommate can give you a ride. She’s usually late though, so it might be better to walk. Unless you’re going all the way back into the burbs.’ Theo chuckled.

Liam glanced as the door.

‘Shit, you are, aren’t you?’ Theo leaned back in the booth. ‘Damn man, don’t you got wheels?’

‘I had a bike but it got stolen a few weeks ago.’ Liam said.

‘Where?’

‘I went everywhere with it. I—‘

‘No, where was it stolen?’

‘Outside the flower place on Clyde.’ Liam said, ‘But it was weeks ago.’

Theo tossed a handful of crumpled bills on the table and stood up.

‘Where are you going?’ Liam asked, glancing back as the waitress collected the money and the plates.

‘Follow me.’ Theo said, thanking the waitress on the way out with a wave. He paused to grab a handful of fruit candies by the cash register before pushing open the door.

The heat outside was more manageable now that the sun as setting. Theo shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way down the road, deeper into the realm of cracked pavement and abandoned buildings. Liam followed close on his heels, saying nothing as the pink-haired boy greeted several people, and cussed out a few others. Liam watched as Theo knelt down by a homeless man with a small cardboard sign asking for change.

‘How’s it today, Georgie?’ Theo asked.

‘Same as yesterday.’ The man’s voice sounded a bit raw, as if he’d been screaming.

‘Hungry?’ Theo asked. The man nodded and Theo gave him the take away box.

‘Couple egg rolls. Some noodles. Ginger beef.’ Theo set a plastic fork on top of the box.

‘I’ll be by tomorrow if you’re in these parts.’ Theo said as he got to his feet. Georgie nodded. He was focused on opening the box and getting at the food inside.

As they continued their journey Liam began to wonder where they were going. He’d already brushed off youth group. And Mason. And who knows what else work his dad would foist off on him. As soon as he got home he was going to be dropped into boiling water. And here he was following Theo deeper and deeper into a place that was pretty much the exact opposite of where he should be going. Still, he felt like he needed to follow. That turning away would change things. Everything. So he kept quiet, and when Theo stepped off the sidewalk and cut through a footpath to a rickety looking house, Liam was right behind him.

Theo knocked on the door. Inside Liam could hear many voices yelling and shouting. A TV blaring. Theo turned back to Liam and gave him a grin. This time he pounded on the door and shouted.

‘Police, open the fucking door!’

The reaction was immediate—the door swung open and an angry young man with dark hair and eyes glared out at them. He softened when he saw Theo’s pink hair.

‘Jesus H. Christ, Theo! You can’t fucking do that. Cops and brown dudes do not mix!’ The boy gave Theo a shove.

‘Sorry.’ Theo said. A sincere apology. A promise not to repeat his mistake. ‘We good?’

‘Truth.’ Josh said with a snort.

‘This is Josh.’ Theo said to Liam.

‘Fuckin’ crazy.’ Josh said, corner of his mouth twisting into a grin. ‘Who’s this?’

‘This is Killer.’ Theo said. Liam held his hand up, unsure why they were there but wanting to be polite.

‘Hi.’

‘Don’t seem like a killer.’

‘Oh, he is. Believe it, man.’ Theo said, ‘In fact, he’s been pissed for past couple days.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. Guess his bike got stolen from up on Clyde Street.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Josh scanned the street, looking for something.

‘Yup.’

‘You seen Jorge?’ Josh asked. Theo shook his head. Josh visibly relaxed. He waved them inside.

As soon as the door was closed the house fell quiet. Liam blinked at the eight children staring at them with curious faces.

‘Teo!’ A little girl no more than four ran over and wrapped herself around Theo’s leg.

‘Hey, Jaz. I got to talk to Josh real quick, okay?’ Theo said.

She pouted.

‘I have something for you. But you got to share.’ Theo whispered. She nodded, eyes the size of saucers as she stepped back and Theo reached into his pocket. He motioned for her to hold out her hands as he dumped a fistful of candies into them. The other kids were there in an instant. Liam was sure they were going to break out into a feeding frenzy with so much sugar so close. Instead he watched as the little girl coached them onto the floor in a circle, even the older ones, and went around distributing the candy for everyone to share.

Josh rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face gave him away.

‘C’mon.’

They went out the back into a fenced yard. Liam watched as Josh went to a pile of bikes and grabbed a flash light. He hit it a few times until it turned on.

‘See if it’s in there.’ He said to Liam.

Liam scanned the frames until he found his bike. It was buried under a few other ones—all nicer than his own.

‘There.’

Josh went to work getting it out. When it was free he set it upright and worked the peddles.

‘Looks okay.’ Josh said, glancing at Theo. ‘We good?’

‘Right as the sun and the moon.’

‘Truth.’ Josh nodded.

Liam went over his bike as the boys whispered to each other. Josh glanced up at Liam once more before looking back at Theo. They clasped hands and moved in a way that reminded Liam of a secret handshake, and a street greeting. Josh raised his chin to Liam as he disappeared inside. Liam waved.

‘C’mon.’ Theo said, leading him back around the house and up the road. When they got a few blocks away at the top of the hill, Theo stopped.

‘This is as far as I can take you, Killer. Rest is all you.’ Theo said.

Liam bit his lip. Part of him wanted to stay with Theo. To follow him home. To spend more time with him. He tried to put it into words, the hidden desire inside. But he couldn’t.

‘Okay.’

‘Hey, what’s with the doom and gloom?’ Theo asked, ‘We’re fuckin’ punk, not goth!’

Liam chuckled.

Theo reached into his pocket and pulled out an orange flyer. It was full of violent scrawling that Liam struggled to make out. There was one thing that was clear—Chimera. And a date and location.

‘You gonna come ‘round?’ Theo asked.

‘My friends—‘

‘Not asking about them. I’m asking if you, Killer Liam Dunbar, is gonna come see me play.’

‘Is it still playing when you’re just singing?’ Liam asked. Theo snorted and shook his head. There was something in his eyes. A look. He opened his mouth like he was about to speak, then hung his head. When he brought it up again he was smiling.

‘Hope I see you again, Killer. Stay safe.’ Theo pointed up the road.

‘Me too. I mean, you too. I mean, okay.’ Liam babbled. Theo smiled and shook his head as he walked off to the small nest of houses clustered at the end of the street.

Liam got on his bike and began to peddle. He knew he was going to get it back when he got home, but right now he didn’t care about anything. He’d spent the day with Theo. Talked to him. And Theo had gotten his bike back. Even more, Theo himself had invited him to their next show. Liam knew that no matter what happened he was going to find a way to go. Even if it meant going by himself.

Chapter Text

‘Sit down.’

Liam hung in the doorway to the kitchen. His dad was at the kitchen table, reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. His hair was greasy, and his shirt was creased, like he’d slept in it.

Liam kept his head down as he pulled out the chair at the far end of the table. It was best to keep quiet. Speak only when he was spoken to. He hadn’t meant to miss youth group, but it wasn’t like there was a lack of people that could run the meetings. The last one Liam had been to was the worst one yet, where all the kids circled sins in pre-planned sections of the bible. They weren’t anything his dad hadn’t hammered into his head by this point, but the gleeful look on the faces of kids and other teenagers as they circled passages and announced who they’d condemn for the sin (and get a small chocolate bar as a reward), it was too much for Liam to handle. He’d left feeling sick to his stomach.

Liam could hear the tick of the clock fill the room. His father sat, hands folded, like he was waiting for something. When he was younger Liam would have tried to guess what he was in trouble for. Which was always a mistake—adding layers to a punishment already decided on in his father’s mind.

‘I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that there’s been something troubling going on behind closed doors in this town.’ His father’s voice was measured—like he didn’t want to give anything away. His eyes were locked on Liam’s face, trying to see if anything he said got a reaction.

‘No.’ Liam said. Besides the usual church business there had been some long meetings, but he really had no idea what was going on.

His father studied his face for another few seconds before taking his glasses of and setting them on the table.

‘One of the teachers at your school is a deviant.’

Liam felt the air catch in his lungs. He focused on keeping still. No moving. Not saying anything, even though his dad was leaving him space to fill with words.

‘It seems one of our congregation came into some knowledge that Mr. Hale is in a homosexual relationship with a former student. Several parents have come to me to intervene.’

Liam’s mind was numb. Mr. Hale was gay? And dating someone he went to school with? Or used to. Mr. Hale was barely old enough to be a teacher. Were teachers not allowed to date students after they graduated? If it was one of the other teachers Liam would be grossed out. Mr. Hale was always nice, if not a bit gruff. Still, it made him feel weird. What if it was Mason? But Mason wasn’t gay. And he hadn’t graduated. Who then? Mr. Hale hadn’t been teaching for that long. Maybe Scott knew something. Except Scott wasn’t there. Just his dad, who was looking at him for some kind of reaction.

‘That’s pretty bad.’ Liam said. His dad nodded to himself.

‘Is that why you’ve been spending more time at the church?’

‘Yes, Liam. Very observant.’ The sharpness was back so fast it almost made Liam flinch. ‘You haven’t seen anything suspicious at school, have you? Signs that Mr. Hale is pushing his deviant lifestyle on other students?’

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘You’re sure of that.’

‘Yes sir, I’ve only ever seen him teach biology.’ Liam said. His father leaned back in his chair. His fingers grabbed a worn, yellow pencil and started to tap it against the pad of paper in front of him.

‘What’s… What’re you going to do?’ Liam asked. As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted speaking. Narrowed eyes were on him again, pressing down with an invisible weight before they finally relaxed.

‘A sermon. For now. There aren’t a lot of avenues open to us for now unfortunately, with the law being what it is. How does he speak to you?’

‘Mr. Hale?’

‘Yes.’

‘He gets mad if I’m late. But I’m not late a lot. He’s… he explains things if I don’t understand.’ Liam said.

‘Is there any student that he favours above the others? Any one at all?’

Mason.

‘No.’ Liam said. ‘Well, he does like to punish the troublemakers.’

His dad grunted.

‘Keep an eye out. If you notice anything, anything at all, tell me. Do you understand, Liam?’

Liam nodded.

‘Liam.’

‘Yes, I understand.’

‘Good.’ Notebooks and papers were gathered up. As he passed Liam, his dad held out his hand. Hesitating. Then let it rest on the teen’s shoulder, giving an awkward squeeze. Reassurance maybe. But Liam was inclined to think of it like a reminder. A constricting snake that could easily crush the life from him in a flash of movement if it wished.

Liam waited until he heard his dad’s footsteps disappear upstairs before he let loose the breath help tight in his chest. Mason and Mr. Hale—it was impossible. But there were things Mason didn’t tell him. That was no surprise, since Liam was notoriously anti-social. Except the meeting they all had the other day, Mr. Hale seemed to think Liam would be there and Mason had even said he wasn’t going to be included. What were they meeting about? Was it connected to what his father just told him?

Liam made his way upstairs quietly. He slipped out of his sweat-stained clothes and headed to the bathroom. His mind raced as he turned on the water and waited for the shower to heat up. It didn’t feel like Mason was keeping a secret like dating a teacher from him. It felt like something else. Either way, if anyone found out about it, it could cause a lot of trouble for Mason and Mr. Hale. And all of his new friends. The ones that had left him out of their secret meeting. Part of Liam, deep down, thought of telling his dad just to make them pay for casting him aside, but he shook the thought away quickly. It made him feel sick that part of him would even think of that.

The shower didn’t calm him down. He barely felt the hot water as all his thoughts tumbled together. He wanted to call Scott, but it was so late now. His mind wandered to Theo. What would he do in this situation? Probably tell everyone to go fuck themselves and stomp off. That was based on the Theo he saw on stage. The Theo he’d met that evening was different. Soft and caring. But it felt like he was an animal trying to hide a wound the entire time. Like he couldn’t let Liam too close. And in the moments he did, like when he smiled for real, or laughed openly, it felt like there was caution there.

Liam stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel. Nothing made sense. The moment Mason had dragged him to see Chimera everything had started to fall apart. His mind was drawn back a handful of years ago. Blinding rage, slick and black, filling him up. Fist clenched around broken glass. Trying to explain things and failing. The scripture his father forced him to learn. Memorize. Something to save his soul in dark times. Except they hadn’t helped him in the past, and now they were hollow words attached to bad memories. A different time in his life when things had fallen apart, just like now.

Sleep came quickly, but the dreams it carried were far from soothing. Memories and faces mixed in. Small hands. A beer bottle. Eyes that looked at him, hurt and full of tears. Not his eyes. Who’s? He didn’t remember. The rest was a blur—strange shapes and screaming songs that felt like running his tongue across a sharp razor. Painful release.

When Liam woke it felt like he hadn’t slept in two days.

‘I need to talk to you.’ Liam said as he came to a stop beside Mason. The other boy was at one of the cafeteria tables surrounded by Nolan, Danny, Kira, and Corey. They were smiling and joking. Liam had been watching them all day, trying to figure out what they were meeting about. Why they’d left him out. By the time lunch came around his nerves were overlapping and tangled tight.

‘I haven’t even started to eat my lunch.’ Mason said, turning to the others, ‘Anyway, we were listening to the first set—‘

‘Mason.’ Liam felt the name tumble from his lips. He saw the other boy freeze suddenly, words stopping mid-sentence. Mason didn’t say anything else. He took Liam’s arm and walked him out of the cafeteria. Liam was confused as Mason glanced up and down the halls before guiding Liam outdoors, to one of the empty picnic tables by a large oak tree.

‘Alright. Calm down.’ Mason said.

‘I’m calm.’ Liam said. Mason searched his face before nodding.

‘Good. Okay. So, what’s bothering you?’

‘Nothing is bothering me.’ Liam said.

‘Liam, I’ve known you since we were like eleven. I know when… never mind. What did you want to talk about?’

Now that he had Mason alone and ready to talk all the questions Liam had vanished. When he tried to grab hold of one it slipped through his fingers and disappeared. After several seconds of silence Mason sighed.

‘I can’t spend all lunch guessing what’s up. You got to use your words here, dude.’ Mason gave him an encouraging smile. But it was thin. Like Liam had used up too much of his friend’s patience over the years. Like Mason was only an inch away from not having time for him.

Liam turned away. It was easier if he wasn’t looking directly at his friend.

‘My dad was asking me questions last night.’ he heard Mason shift in his seat.

‘What kind of questions?’

‘About Mr. Hale.’

Silence. Liam licked his lips. Why was his throat so dry? Why was this so hard to do?

‘What did he want to know?’

‘He said… You know how he is.’

‘How is he, Liam?’

Liam shrugged. Mason said nothing. Liam could feel him waiting. Just like when he was being interrogated in the kitchen last night. He hated the feeling. He hated that there was some kind of invisible wall between him and Mason. Something that kept them apart. He hated that it made him feel small. Like he was the last one to get the joke, or the person that everyone forgot about until after the fact. A crumb. A scrap to be tossed aside. The anger was thin and brittle. Easy to snap and drown in the questions he wanted to ask.

‘He’s an… an asshole.’ Liam stammered, earning a snort from Mason.

‘What about you?’

‘We’re friends. Aren’t we?’ Liam asked, looking over his shoulder. Mason’s eyes were off somewhere else as he tore apart a long blade of grass between his fingers.

‘Mason, I don’t want you to get in trouble.’

‘Why would I get in trouble?’

‘My dad said… he said Mr. Hale was involved with a student.’

‘And you believe him?’

‘Well he said former student.’

‘And that’s his business how?’

‘It’s not, I guess.’ Liam’s cheeks burned in embarrassment. This wasn’t how he pictured this unfolding.

‘Then why does it matter?’ Mason said, getting up from the picnic table and heading back to the school.

‘It matters!’ Liam said. How could he explain it to his friend, when Mason was always thinking in logical, straightforward ways.

‘Last year there was this family that came to our church. They weren’t very well off. We all take turns handling the collection plate. It’s good to share responsibility.’ Liam said, ‘One month the money collected went missing. The mother of the family was in charge of the plate that month. And the next day they come to church in a new van. Everyone was talking about it. How she stole the money, how the family was using it to buy things. Everyone hated her. They… they were so mean. Even to the kids. It got so bad they left the church. Then after, they found the money was deposited in the wrong account. It wasn’t the mother’s fault at all. But it didn’t matter, Mason. Because they decided she was bad, and they made her pay for it.’

Mason’s face was drawn into a frown, like he was seeing Liam for the first time in his life and the teenager had just started talking to him out of the blue.

‘Do you get it?’ Liam asked.

Mason nodded.

‘Mr. Hale—‘

‘You think I should stay away from him.’

‘I think you should be careful.’

‘Because he’s gay.’ Mason didn’t hide the bite in his tone. Liam’s teeth clenched shut. Several dirty words flashed in his mind. None of them were helpful. He pushed them away.

‘It doesn’t matter if he is.’

‘But you know he is. Your dad wouldn’t have left that out.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So now what? You’ll stop going to biology?’

‘I wish.’ Liam laughed. Mason’s face didn’t move. Not even a smile.

‘Nothing. Now nothing. I’m just trying to tell you how my dad thinks. How… how he’ll look for anything to tear you apart. Crush you. Until you do what you’re told.’ Liam said.

Mason’s expression softened then. His shoulders sagged, like he’d been carrying something heavy.

‘Is it true?’ Liam almost bit his tongue—why did he ask that? Mason was right, it was none of his business. Except… he wanted to know. Needed to know. For some reason.

‘What if it was?’

‘I dunno.’

‘Would you tell your dad?’

‘He’d probably already know.’

Mason shoved his hands in his pocket.

‘Ask Derek.’

‘Is he the guy with Mr. Hale?’

‘He is Mr. Hale.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said, ‘Why can’t you tell me?’

‘It’s not my thing to tell.’ Mason smiled finally. They started to walk back to the school together.

‘You alright?’ He asked. Liam frowned.

‘You don’t have to check on me all the time. I’m not a little kid.’

‘Sorry. Liam. I just thought because… you seemed upset in the cafeteria.’

‘I was. I am. Kinda. I dunno.’

‘Okay.’

‘Liam?’ Mason said as he gripped the door handle, ‘We okay?’

‘We’re okay.’ Liam’s smile was small, but genuine. He didn’t get any of the answers he wanted but Mason did point him to where he could find some. Except Liam didn’t know if he had the courage to speak to Mr. Hale… Derek… directly. It did feel like something bad was going to happen. And though Liam hated biology, he did like his teacher, and it wasn’t fair to not warn him. But if his dad found out, he’d be in more trouble than if he died his hair pink and started a punk band.

What would Theo do, Liam wondered. If Theo had a question, he would ask it. Maybe that’s what he needed to do then. There was still half and hour left of lunch, if Liam was lucky, Mr. Hale would be in his room.

A locked door was all Liam found. He’d have to find Mr. Hale tomorrow, since he didn’t have biology until then. What had Mason called him? Derek. It was weird to think that teachers had actual first names. Well, he knew they had to. But it felt kind of forbidden to call a teacher by their first name. Either way he’d have to warn Derek like he’d warned Mason. And maybe ask him some things.

As Liam cut around the corner of the school and headed outside he saw Mr. Hale across the parking lot speaking with someone. Liam frowned—the guy he was talking to looked familiar. As he got a little bit closer he recognized the pale, skinny guy who Scott had introduced him to the other night. Stiles or something. And Liam was pretty sure they were flirting. Or Stiles was, and Mr. Hale just glared at him. Until suddenly Stiles winked and turned to go and the teacher grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a quick kiss.

Liam’s heart leapt to his throat as he watched them. Part of him felt bad—he definitely shouldn’t be spying on such a private moment. But they were technically in public, so that kind of made it okay? Liam forced himself to blink—it felt like his bones were itchy. Like there was something listing to the side in him, throwing him off balance. Seeing Derek and Stiles kiss was definitely different from when he’d caught Kira and Malia for some reason. When Liam shook his reverie off he glanced back to the parking lot. A beat up jeep was leaving and Mr. Hale and Stiles were gone. Well, now he had his answer. And a whole host of feelings that confused him.

Stiles was a former student? He was the same age as Scott, so it made sense. It made Liam feel a bit uneasy. But also they were clearly in love. Or something. Whatever people felt when they kissed like that. And Mason did have a point—it was technically none of Liam’s business. Or the church’s. Or anyone’s.

It took him fifteen minutes to find a payphone, and another two to fish out a coin from his book bag.

‘Yello.’ Scott said on the other end after the dial finished. Liam could hear the echo of punk music in the background.

‘Liam! How’s my platonic bro date doing?’

‘Are you busy?’

‘Not really. Liam, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing. I just, I’m kind of freaking out. Just a little bit.’

‘Where are you?’

‘Couple blocks from school. By the laundromat.’

‘Okay, chill. I’ll be there in a few minutes.’ Scott said before he hung up.

Liam found a quiet bench under a tree and sat in the shade. Suddenly everything was swirling around him in a storm of confusion. He knew what his dad would say about all of this, about everything. He could picture the faces of every body in the congregation sneering. Spitting. Yelling. It felt like claws raking his insides, catching on bone. What did it all mean? What was he supposed to do? Why did he feel so differently when he saw Stiles kiss his biology teacher? A quiet, patient part of him stood close by with the answer, but he pushed it away. Before he could banish it totally he pictured pink hair and tattoos. The smell of leather and sweat. Theo leaning close—

Liam shook his head. He was losing it. He was going crazy. He always knew there was something wrong with him and now his mind was actually unraveling. He wished he was on an airplane and could open the exit and jump out of all the chaos. At least then he would be able to think and make sense of the world again.

He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply, keeping his shoulders relaxed. The sound of birds singing and cars going by filled his ears. Voices of people passing by. Walking. Laughing. A familiar voice. Two of them.

Liam opened his eyes and craned his neck to look down the street. It was impossible not to spot Brett due to his height, but Liam was surprised to see Nolan. It looked like they’d bumped into each other. Liam felt the familiar sting of anger—Brett could be such a dick. As Liam started to get up he froze at the sound of Nolan’s laughter. As he sank back onto the bench he watched them from a distance. Brett seemed awkward and unsure. Nolan was downright bashful and not talking a mile a minute. They spoke for a few more minutes, too far for Liam to hear, and then went their separate ways. Had there always been so much going on around him?

‘Hey, Liam!’ Scott collapsed onto the bench beside him, making him jump.

‘Oh sorry. I thought you heard me.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said.

‘So what’s up?’

‘Can we go… somewhere?’

Scott frowned as his head tilted. ‘Sure! I got the perfect spot!’

The arcade was mostly empty. There were one or two kids hanging around, scrounging up quarters between them to beat high scores. Liam relaxed when he noticed where was only one middle-aged woman chewing gum loudly behind the main counter. Scott made a bee-line for a game in the back. Clearly he’d been here before.

Liam tossed his bag down as Scott grabbed a plastic space gun from the side of a huge game and aimed at at the screen.

‘C’mon. I put enough in for two players.’

Liam eyed the plastic laster.

‘Dude. You can come scream your head off at a punk show, get a black eye, and almost break curfew but you can’t join your pal in a good old fashioned space bug hunt?’ Scott pouted. Liam shocked his head and grabbed the laser—couldn’t confuse him any more than he already was. In fact, as the game started Liam felt all of his worries back off.

They didn’t talk beyond pointing out targets or recounting impressive feats of fake-laser take downs (or epic fails, of which Liam had several). Even so, Liam found himself relaxing. Only after Scott slammed his last quarter into the slot and they had the final battle with the alien queen grub did Liam realize they’d been playing for over an hour.

‘Aw, no!’ Scott said as the alien won and tore his character in two. ‘So close!’

Scott holstered the laser and went around the corner. Liam grabbed his bag and holstered his laser before following. He found Scott at one of the small side tables drinking a coke. When Liam got close, Scott tossed him a can.

‘You come here a lot?’ Liam asked as he opened his drink.

‘Naw. Well, I used to.’ Scott said, ‘Had a couple of tough years in high school. And junior high. And before.’

‘Sorry.’ Liam said. Scott flashed him a smile that was more for his benefit than anything.

‘My dad, he wasn’t a great… dad.’ Scott said, leaning back in his chair. ‘Can you play the guitar?’

‘A bit. But not very good.’

‘See, everyone can play the guitar!’ Scott said, ‘But some people are better than others. Some people, they can pick one up for the first time and bam! Electric Mozart!’

Scott worked the meal tab off the top of his can. ‘Other people, they try and try, but they’re just not good at it. It’s not for them. Get it?’

Liam shook his head.

‘Almost anyone can be a parent, Liam. But that doesn’t mean everyone is good at it. Or even should be.’ Scott aimed for the recycling bin and lobbed his can. It hit the side and bounced off onto the floor.

‘Kids aren’t guitars.’ Liam muttered.

‘No, they’re not.’ Scott nodded. The way his eyes got distant and the expression on his face reminded Liam of Theo—at least small fractions of emotions the other boy kept hidden where there to read fully in Scott’s face.

‘So what’s bumming you out? Girl problems?’ Scott flashed a grin.

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘Guy problems, then.’ Scott chuckled. Liam clammed up and dropped his eyes.

‘Whoa! Hey. Uhh, that was a joke. I meant like, maybe you and Mason were on the outs.’ Scott said.

‘I don’t think we are.’ Liam said. It was the truth—he wasn’t sure of anything lately.

‘That’s not it though.’

‘No. I think…’ Liam bit his tongue until he tasted blood. Something he hadn’t down in years. The metallic tang snapped him to his senses—what had he been about to say? He wasn’t sure, but he’d managed to avoid it.

‘My dad hates gays.’ Liam mumbled. Scott didn’t move. His entire body was still but Liam could feel the attention focused entirely on him. There was no puppy dog tilt of the head. No wide eyes. Just waiting.

‘He knows that one of our teachers is… gay. And he’s going out with a guy who used to be his student.’

Scott sucked in a breath and crossed his arms.

‘I told Stiles to be more discrete.’ Scott grumbled.

‘You knew?’

‘Stiles… you remember Stiles? He’s my best friend. Like a brother. When me and him and Theo were—‘ Scott shook off the memory, ‘That doesn’t matter. But yes, I knew Stiles was going out with Derek. Does it upset you?’

‘Were they… I mean, Mason said it was none of my business. But..’

‘That’s fair. And true. But I get the feeling there’s a different reason you’re asking, maybe.’ Scott said. ‘Which is cool. We can talk. If there’s something I can’t say I just won’t say.’

‘Okay. Sure. Yeah.’ Liam said, leaning forward. ‘Is it true that Stiles was a student when they were going out?’

‘Hell no.’ Scott said, ‘Stiles wanted to so much. It drove me crazy. Derek wouldn’t even pay attention to him until a few months ago.’

‘Is he the same age as you?’

‘Yeah. We graduated almost three years ago now.’

‘So Stiles was never a student when him and Derek… did it.’

Scott burst out laughing. Once he got himself under control he glanced up at Liam.

‘You’re amazing, dude. Seriously. Never change.’

Liam smiled a bit. It was hard not to when Scott was around.

‘No,’ Scott said, ‘They just started to go out. And Stiles is crazy smart. Not as smart as Lydia, but he never took bio with Derek. Though he did try to drop advanced physics to get into his class once! He was crushing hard.’

‘Okay.’ Liam said. That made him feel better about it for some reason.

‘Does that clear things up a bit?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I’m going to go out on a limb and say the fact you thought Stiles was a student going out with his teacher was worse than them both being guys. Am I right?’

Liam chewed on his lip. He knew what his dad said. What he’d been saying since Liam could remember, about deviants and homosexuals. But it felt wrong. And it made Liam’s head hurt when he thought about it. But he was pretty sure Scott was right.

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded.

‘Good.’

‘That’s good?’ Liam felt the urge to laugh but held it in.

‘Dude, no way a teacher should be dating a student. Especially not in high school! That’s so wrong. But it means you got your head on straight.’ Scott said.

‘So you’re okay with it? With Stiles being… gay.’

‘Stiles is Stiles. I love him like a brother. I accept him for who he is. And who he sleeps with is none of my business.’

‘Yeah. That… makes sense.’ Liam nodded to himself. Still, something that Scott said earlier had been nagging at him.

‘What about you?’ Liam asked. He’d almost said Theo, but thought better of it at the last second. Liam hated to be so blunt. It was dangerous. People might yell, or get upset. Or misunderstand his reason for asking a question in the first place. But Scott kept mentioning Theo. And Allison had joked that Theo was an ex. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe it wasn’t. But Liam couldn’t shake the feeling there was something there.

‘Are you asking if I’m gay?’

‘No! I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m asking. I’m just confused. I just want… I want people to talk to me. But I don’t know how. I always mess it up. Except with…’ Liam’s eyes darted to Scott. The older boy tilted his head.

‘Except with Theo.’

‘You’ve been hanging out with Theo.’ A statement. Not a question.

‘Not really. I was having a really bad day yesterday. Real bad. Like… But Theo was there. And there was a cat. And he got my bike back.’

‘Theo Raeken spent time with you.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And he got your stolen bike back.’

‘Yes.’

‘That’s it?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Nothing. It’s just.. nothing.’

‘Was I not supposed to do that? You all made Chimera sound so cool. Isn’t Theo the head of the band?’

‘Lead singer. Yeah. But Chimera is the whole group. And Theo’s just one part of it.’

‘So I shouldn’t hang out with him?’ Liam asked, His stomach twisted in knots.

‘No, no, that’s not it. Liam, you can spend time with anyone you want. If anyone ever tells you different, even me, don’t believe that shit.’ Scott said, ‘But with Theo… just be careful. Okay?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Cool.’

Scott nodded and lead in close.

‘Do you know what pansexual means?’

‘You get off on cookware?’

Scott snorted.

‘No. It means you’re attracted to all genders.’

‘Isn’t that the same as bisexual?’

‘Only if there were two genders in the world.’ Scott said.

‘Oh.’ Liam frowned.

‘We’ll maybe talk about that a different time.’

‘So you’re a pansexual?’

‘Just pansexual. Yeah.’

‘So you and Allison…’

Scott nodded.

‘And you and… a guy?’

Scott nodded again.

‘And other people. That are different genders.’ Liam said, earning a smile from the older boy, ‘But no frying pans.’

‘No frying pans.’ Scott made a face. ‘Gimme a saucy sauce pan any day of the week.’

Liam laughed.

‘You okay?’

‘Honestly? I don’t really know.’ Liam said. ‘I think there’s something wrong with me.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘No. I just… I want to get over it.’

‘Liam…’

‘It’s okay. I mean, it’ll all be fine. Right? Things are fine.’

Scott leaned back in his chair.

‘C’mon. I’ll give you a ride back.’ Scott said, grabbing Liam’s bag and handing it to him.

‘Sure you’re okay? With Stiles and Derek, and me?’ Scott said.

‘I’m sure. Because you’re good. And Stiles is your friend, so he must be good too.’ Liam said. He didn’t add mention that it made Theo good, too. He didn’t want Scott to worry about whatever had happened between them so long ago. Maybe Allison wasn’t joking, and they were boyfriends, or whatever pansexual people got to be with each other.

Liam glanced at Scott. He could feel the unspoken question weighing down the older boy’s shoulders. Before it could slip past his lips Liam grabbed his book bag.

‘Race you to the car!’

Scott beamed, question forgotten as Liam tore out of the arcade.

‘It’s on!’

Chapter Text

Today was the day. He was going to do it. He’d thought about it for too long to let it go any longer. He was going to find Mason and tell him that Kira was cheating on him. Secretly. Without telling him with who. And also not lying. He didn’t know how exactly he was going to do it, but he was going to do it. Right now. Because Mason was sitting three feet away and Liam had already stammered something about needing to tell him something. And Mason, he had this look on his face. Kind of hopeful? Maybe a little anxious.

Liam’s palms were sweating. His everything was sweating. He tried to remember what Scott had told him but no words came when he tried to recall them. Instead all that would come to mind was Theo’s smile. How nervous and relaxed he felt with the other boy. Liam fought to push the thought from his mind—this was about Mason’s heart getting broken, and in a way it was Liam who was doing it. Except not really. But maybe, kinda.

‘So?’ Mason raised an eyebrow. They’d left the school at lunch to walk down to one of the fast-food places but had ended up in a record store. He’d never been anywhere that had to do with music with Mason before, but he guessed since they’d dragged him to the punk show a few weeks back his friend considered his horizons more expanded. Mason had been rifling through some old records (‘this is a rare pressing, Liam’) and talking about the history of punk (‘sure, a lot of early punk was UK but really the Sonics were like, the roots of punk’) while Liam nodded as every word went over his head. He’d meant to bring up the topic gently but instead he’d just blurted out words.

‘Ummm, you know Kira?’

‘Yes, Liam. She’s my girlfriend.’ Mason said, turning away. Clearly this was just one of Liam’s socially award moments.

‘Are you like, in love with her?’

‘What?’

‘Just, what is being in love?’

‘Liam, I can usually decipher the weird shit you say but I got to tell you right now I’m drawing a blank.’ Mason said.

‘We’re teenagers, right? What do we even know about being in love! Like, Kira’s not your soulmate or one true love or anything. Right?’

‘Liam, you need to breathe. And I don’t know what you’re talking about. I like Kira. She’s cool.’

‘Yeah. I mean, I know she’s cool. She wicked cool.’

‘Wicked cool?’

‘But that doesn’t mean she’s always doing cool things, ya know?’

‘No, Liam, I don’t. And I’m going to chalk this entire moment up to a “Liam babbling like a crazy person” occurrence unless you can actually come out and say what you mean.’ Mason turned and went to one of the bins across the aisle and started to flip through the records.

‘I saw her.’ Liam said.

‘We’ve established you have eyes. Good talk.’

‘I saw her. With someone.’ Liam said. Mason paused then continued to flip through the records in the bin in front of him.

‘So? She has a lot of friends.’

‘Mase, I know you’re like a hundred times smarter than I am. You know what I mean.’

Liam wasn’t expecting Mason to whirl around so fast, or the angry look on his best friend’s face.

‘Did it ever occur to you that maybe I already know, Liam? Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, the world is bigger than the tiny, inflexible, popsicle stick model your dad taught you?’

‘I don’t—‘

‘I know you don’t, Liam. You never do.’

‘Mase, I know you’re upset about Kira—‘

‘God! I’m not upset about Kira. I’m pissed that you just assume that things are a certain way because you can’t see anything past the way you were raised.’ Mason poked him in the chest. Lightly. Still, it was enough to make Liam’s brow draw into a frown. He was trying to help, how had things gone so wrong?

‘So you’re okay with Kira like, being with other people?’

‘Yes! Shit dude, it’s called an open relationship. Not that it’s any of your business!’

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t know, how could I know?’

‘Maybe ask?’

‘I just thought… I didn’t want you to get hurt. You’re my friend.’

Mason sighed.

‘I’m gonna take off.’ Mason hiked his book bag over his shoulder, ‘I’ll see you in school.’

‘Mase…’ Liam’s hand went slack as he watched his friend push out the door. The little bell faded, leaving him alone in the record store. The lone cashier was leaning against the shelf behind the counter, giant headphones blaring King Crimson (which Mason told him, was definitely not punk). They gave no reaction to Mason’s outburst.

There was no way he could go back to school now. Not like this. Liam wasn’t even angry. He was confused. And something else. Hurt. Very hurt. And frustrated. He pushed it all away, like wiping a slate clean. Instead of going back to school he dropped his book bag and started flipping through records. He grabbed the first one he came across, took it out, read every word on it, and then put it back to grab the one behind it. When he was done the bin, he took a step to the right and started with the next bin. Minutes turned into hours and Liam was happy to have something simple to focus on. Something that made sense.

‘Liam?’ The voice startled him.

‘Hey Danny. Skipping?’

‘Liam, school’s been out for like half an hour.’

‘Oh. What’re you doing here?’

‘I work here. You okay? You don’t look okay.’

‘I’m okay I guess.’

Liar.

‘Or maybe I’m not.’ He mumbled.

‘C’mon. We got to get you out of here.’ Danny took his elbow to guide him gently.

‘Out of the store?’

‘Out of Adult Contemporary, dude. Every second you’re there your rep dies a little.’ Danny smirked.

‘My rep?’

‘Yeah, the stuff people say when you’re not around.’

‘I know what one is. I think. I just didnt know I had one.’

‘Liam, you walked around with a black eye for like, a week and got away with it. You got front stage at Chimera! And you met them the first time you went there. Plus Brett seems to hate you so that helps.’

‘Helps?’

‘Make you look bad ass! That guy is smokin’ hot and cool as shit. If he’s got issues with you, you gotta be someone. Just sayin’.’

‘People think I’m badass?’

‘Well, punk people. You’re all “prim and proper” by day and all “fuck the institution” by night. Like a god damn spy! It’s awesome!’ Danny smiled as they came to a stop by a wall of t-shirts.

‘Oh.’

‘I thought you were hanging with Mason? Where is he?’

‘He had to go do something. Hey, can I ask you a question? Did you know Mason and Kira are open to other relationships?’ Liam asked.

‘Open to… oh. Oh! Uhhh… you mean in an open relationship?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Is that what Mason told you?’

‘Yeah. I guess everyone knew except me.’

‘I don’t know about that…’ Danny hesitated.

‘How did you find that out? Did Mason just, tell you?’

‘I saw Kira and uhhh… someone else. Kissing. And I thought Mason should know. But when I told him he got really pissed off. Said I was ummm… never mind.’ Liam said, sitting down on one of the stools.

‘I just feel really stupid, you know? There’s so much stuff I don’t understand. I don’t know why I don’t. Things, they don’t always make sense to me. I miss stuff. Like it goes right by me? And if I’m lucky I can tell when I missed something. But most of the time I just… don’t think. Like, if you say something is one way, why would I think it’s anything besides that.’ Liam sighed.

‘I dunno. I’m sorry.’ Liam said.

‘No man, it’s okay. It’s… not your fault. Trust me. Mason needs to chill out a bit.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. I mean, maybe you’re a bit oblivious. And naive. But it makes you cute.’ Danny said. Then immediately looked like he’d swallowed a fish.

‘Really? Thanks. That’s super nice.’ Liam smiled. Danny forced a nervous grin back.

‘No problem.’

The bell over the door rang and Liam blinked as he recognized the guy in the leather jacket who was scoping out the place.

‘Isn’t that guy in the band?’

‘Lot’s of bands, Liam.’ Danny joked.

‘The one with Theo. Chimera.’ One of the only bands Liam knew, even if there were lots of others. Which made sense. And it also made sense Danny would know more since he worked in a record store. But Liam felt like everyone on the planet knew more about music than he did.

‘The one with Theo?’ Danny had a strange look on his face. Liam blinked. He remembered how Danny had said something about Jackson not being in Chimera because of Theo. Maybe he hated the pink-haired singer as much as Nolan seemed to.

‘Oh. I guess it doesn’t like, belong to him or anything.’

‘You like his singing, huh?’ Danny leaned against at the wall.

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam mumbled. He frowned as he thought about it.

‘I guess… sometimes I get these feelings. Like I’m helpless. Or stupid. Or kinda… mad. And when I heard him singing, it was like tearing through all those things and just destroying it all. Breaking it. Like I could breathe at least for a little while.’

‘Wow.’

‘Is that wrong?’

‘What? No! That’s just intense.’

‘Hey, does anybody work here or am I supposed to just help myself?’ Jackson threw up his arms.

Danny rolled his eyes.

‘My capitalist duty calls.’

Liam nodded. Danny walked towards Jackson.

‘Finally.’ Jackson exhaled. Liam watched as Danny turned around, facing him and walking backwards. He made a funny face Jackson couldn’t see. Liam snorted.

‘Hello, sir. How can I help you today?’ Danny’s voice was practically dripping in forced courtesy. Liam sighed. Danny said it was Mason who needed to relax, but Liam still felt like he’d done something wrong.

‘Don’t be a cock, Danny.’ Liam heard Jackson say before stepping outside.

He fished around in the inner pocket of his book bag, pulling out the bright coloured flyer Theo had given him. He was going to ask Mason to go to the show tonight, but there was no way that was going to happen. And he already knew that Scott was going to watch Banshee. He really wanted to see Theo. To hear him sing.

Looking at the flyer Liam nodded to himself. He could go on his own. He knew where to go and how to get there. Kind of. And he knew how to dress. Sort of. He would go and see Chimera and listen to Theo sing and then maybe things would make sense. Even if it was just for a few hours. He’d need to get a t-shirt. And jeans. And maybe sneakers. He thought of the clothes that Scott left in Mason’s trunk a few weeks ago, in case he needed them. He wasn’t about to ask Mason, but maybe he could ask his mom. Except Mason would be home from school by now. Unless he had another secret meeting with the rest of them.

Liam frowned. He was still upset that they’d left him out of their club. Whatever it was. But it was worth it to go by Mason’s house and see if he could grab the outfit. If Mason was around he’d just leave and go to the thrift store with the last of his money. Since he had his bike back, the trip to Mason’s would be easy.

Liam knocked on the door and waited. When it opened Mason’s dad looked down at him. His height always surprised Liam, but he smiled up at the man.

‘Hey, Liam. Mason’s still at school if you’re looking for him.’

‘Naw, I kind of forgot my clothes in the car.’ Liam said.

‘You mean the car that is mine but Mason calls his?’

‘Exactly.’ Liam smiled. He liked Mason’s parents—they were so relaxed and funny. Especially Mason’s dad.

‘Ray have you seen the remote?’ Mason’s mom wandered over from the living room. ‘Liam! Coming by for a visit? Mason’s not in his room. Boy’s got a hundred extracurriculars.’

‘He forgot something in the car.’

‘Oh. Here.’ She went to the wall and plucked a set of keys from the ledge where they were hanging.

‘Thanks!’

‘You better be coming this weekend!’

‘This weekend?’

‘The barbecue. Did Mason forget to tell you?’

‘Oh! No. I just forgot.’ Liam smiled. ‘But I might not be able to come. Umm… church stuff.’

The look on her face was somber, but she nodded. Liam gave a weak smile. Mason’s dad opened the garage and let Liam in.

‘Take all the time you need. Mason’s pretty tidy but he shoves so much stuff into that car I’m surprised it hasn’t exploded yet.’

‘Thanks, Mr. Hewitt.’

‘Ray, Liam. Call me Ray. Makes me feel young.’

‘Okay. Mr. Ray.’ Liam smiled. It was an old joke, but it made him feel good every time.

Liam opened the car door and popped the trunk. Mason loved to drive, but he didn’t always have money for gas. Something his parents were adamant that he pay for himself, since they were covering the insurance and maintenance. As a result, Mason usually took his bike to school and saved the car for weekends. Or punk shows. Or whatever it was they were getting together to do in secret.

Mr. Hewitt was right—the trunk was stuffed with a metric ton of stuff. Liam started to rummage around, pulling out track shoes and old school books. He spotted the plastic bag with his outfit in it and started to try it free. One of the bags next to it split and a bunch of stuff fell out. Liam grabbed the small rainbow flags and inspected one of them. A gay flag? Or maybe just a rainbow. Or both. Not all rainbows were gay. Maybe it was a pansexual rainbow? How did that work exactly? And why did Mason have it? Maybe Scott gave it to him.

Mason did seem to have a lot of other people’s stuff in his trunk. Nolan’s sneakers. Records that might be Danny’s. And a whole lot of make up he assumed was Kira’s. Either way, it was none of his business. Probably. Unless it was like the open relationship thing, where he was supposed to figure something out. He’d have to think about it later. He had to get ready and start biking now if he wanted to get to the show on time.

He couldn’t do it. There were too many people. And they kept looking at him. And he was missing youth group—again. If he turned around and peddled really hard maybe he could make the last bit of it. But now he was all the way out past the train tracks to the squat, cement building that had been taken over by Chimera and a few other punk bands. It was currently overflowing with people—dozens of voices all excited and talking. Waiting to get in. And Theo was in there somewhere. Would he be mad if he didn’t see Liam there? Or upset? No, he came this far, he had to get in.

Liam stashed his bike in the bushes along with his regular clothes. As he hopped the twisted remains of the chain fence his jeans caught and tore. After he freed himself he looked down—the tear ran along the thigh of his right leg, exposing a small hint of flesh. It was kind of punk to not worry about it, he decided, and marched up to the line to get in.

When Liam got to the door a hand greeted him. A much older woman with a jacket covered in patches and pins with hair that looked like a grey cloud and wrinkles in her face that made each smile look like a map of her life. Liam blinked.

‘Dude, you got to pay to get in.’ The guy behind him hissed.

‘Oh.’ Liam pulled out his last bit of money… three one dollar bills.

‘That’s definitely not enough.’ The guy laughed. Liam was crestfallen. He jumped when the old woman snatched the bills from his hand.

‘Go on in, sweet bun.’

‘Really? Thanks!’ Liam beamed. As he walked inside he heard the guy behind argue about the price of getting in.

‘You let that poser in! He’s not even wearing a band shit!’

‘Who gives a flying french toast fuck what he’s wearing—kid had three bucks, he paid three bucks to get in. How much you got?’

‘You can’t do that, you have to let us in for what he paid.’

‘Hear that?’

‘No.’

‘It’s the sound of the price doubling. Just for you.’

‘That’s insane! You have to let me in.’

‘Triple now.’

Liam craned his neck to see the old woman fold her arms, no moving an inch.

‘Bullshit! This is America! It’s not fair!’

The group behind him started to quack like ducks. Soon the rest of the queue was quacking like ducks loudly, drowning out whatever the guy tried to say until he got red in the face and grabbed the girl that was with him by the hand. They stormed off as the rest of the punks laughed and quacked. Liam couldn’t stop grinning.

The inside of the building was like he remembered it—hot, sweaty, and industrial. Like someone just walked, dropped a table down, and started to sell whatever was in the pockets. Which maybe was true. Liam thought it was the best thing he’d ever seen. He watched two girls trade pins, and two burly guys trade entire jackets. The band was nowhere to be seen yet, but there were speakers set on some pallets and plywood that made up the stage.

As Liam glanced around the crowded space he spotted a tuft of pink hair wading through the people on the other side of the room. Excited, he made his way over, being as polite as he possibly could, and squeezing past people who were too engrossed in other things to notice him. When he got there his face fell—the girl had pink hair, shaved along one side and a spiked collar around a thin neck. She gave Liam a solid nod, and he nodded back. Because it was polite. But she wasn’t Theo.

‘Move it or lose it!’ The voice was vaguely familiar. Liam saw one of the members of Chimera wading through the crowd, arms full of beer bottles as he tried to keep balance. The one Scott liked the most. Isaac. Just then the bass player spotted Liam and a flash of recognition crossed his eyes.

‘Killer! Lend me a hand, will ya?’ Isaac smiled.

Liam pushed his way over and stood next to Isaac as he unloaded half the bottles into Liam’s waiting arms.

‘Follow me!’ Isaac said over his shoulder. Liam stuck close as they got to the side door that went into the “backstage” area. Which seemed to be more like a pump room with some chairs and a table that had been grabbed off the curb and firmly planted into the corners.

‘Grubs on!’ Isaac said as he closed the door behind Liam.

‘Bones is back!’ Malia yelled, making Liam wince. A few techs and the rest of the band came over, each grabbing a bottle for themselves.

‘Who’s this fish?’ Malia asked with narrowed eyes. Liam swallowed—the full attention of Malia was not something he ever expected to feel. It felt like she could take a bite out of him any second. Images flashed in his head of how playful she’d been with Kira. A moment he wasn’t supposed to see. Still, it took the edge off her presence.

‘I’m Liam.’ He piped up. Isaac blinked then broke into laughter, clapping Liam on the back. Malia snorted and walked away.

‘What?’ Liam asked, legs feeling a bit shaky.

‘You’re one of the few that didn’t actually piss you pants in the Shark Tank.’

‘The what?’

Isaac nodded towards Malia.

‘Do you all have nicknames?’

‘Bones,’ Isaac pointed to himself, ‘Shark Tank you met.’

He turned and pointed at Jackson, ‘He’s our Sass-hole. And Brett over there is Glass.’

‘Why Glass?’ Liam asked.

‘Dude has a piece of glass jammed in his head from when he was a kid. It’s crazy!’ Isaac said, offering Liam a beer, which he politely declined.

‘Bones?’

‘Old man is a grave digger. So was I for awhile.’

‘That’s…’

‘Fucked? Yeah, but someone has to dig the holes. Or I guess we could just leave everyone above ground. Not a fun idea, though.’

‘Yeah.’ Liam grimaced. ‘What about Theo?’

‘Theo don’t got a nickname.’ Jackson chimed in, ‘Doesn’t need one.’

Isaac shrugged and walked over to the corner to his bass. Liam tried to hide his disappointment at the fact the singer wasn’t there. He watched Isaac with his bass. Brett had glared at him when he came in with Isaac, but so far hadn’t said anything. Liam knew Brett hated him, so he was sure to keep a good distance between them.

‘Theo had a nickname once. I think when he was in that shitty garage band. Not a lot of people know it, though.’ Isaac said, without looking up from his instrument.

‘What was it?’ Liam asked.

Isaac looked up at him and shot a wicked smile.

‘They called him Killer.’

Liam felt his heart skip for a second. Isaac chuckled.

‘Not anymore anyway. Hey, where’re the rest of your crew?’

Liam looked at the floor. How did he explain that he was kind of on the outs, or at least that’s how it felt.

‘Running alone tonight, huh? No worries. You can hang here.’ Isaac strummed the bass and made some adjustments. ‘Say, who was that guy with you the other day… dark hair. Dark eyes. Jaw kind of, eeeehk.’

Isaac pushed the side of his jaw as he made the creaking, crooked sound.

‘That’s Scott.’

‘Scott. Cool.’

‘You know him?’

‘Sure.’

‘But you didn’t know his name?’

‘Only seen him in my dreams.’ Isaac winked. Liam felt himself blush. Chimera was a strange group of people, but they were alright. Except for Brett. And maybe Malia. And Jackson seemed to be a complete jerk when he wanted to. Which was most of the time.

‘So, where’s Theo?’ Liam tried his best to be casual. He really did. He tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice. He knew he failed when Isaac looked up at him and smiled like he knew something he shouldn’t.

‘Round the corner.’

Liam nodded and walked past the two techs finishing cable checks. He glanced up at Brett to get a dirty look before spotting the metal door with faded blue paint propped open by half a cinder block. The light inside was warm. Almost orange. Theo sat with his tongue sticking out of his lips a little bit, foot propped up as he painted it with black nail polish. When he spotted Liam he broke out into a soft grin. One that reached his eyes. It made Liam relax for a split second, before a whirlwind came to life inside of him.

‘You made it.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Cool.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Lookin’ good. Hey, c’mere.’ Theo beckoned him over. Liam stumbled into the room and caught himself before giving a shy glance at Theo. He sat on the empty crate beside the singer. As Theo finished up Liam watched how the other boy’s muscled flexed. The tattoos covered his left arm from the back of his hand and fingers up under his shirt, to his neck. Some of them Liam could make out—roses and other flowers. Some were scorpions. Lions. A goat. Patterns that were both violent and soothing. Numbers and letters and small stick-and-pokes of spooky ghosts.

‘Did you hear me?’ Theo asked. Liam looked up quickly, afraid of being caught staring.

Theo didn’t repeat his question he just held up the nail polish and gave it a gentle shake. Liam blinked.

‘Gimme your hand.’ Theo’s voice was soft and deep. Liam found himself resting his right hand on the singer’s knee. He could feel the warmth of Theo’s skin through the rips and tears beneath his palm. The faint tickle of hair.

Part of him panicked when he saw Theo brush the black nail polish onto his thumb. What would his dad think? Nail polish was for girls. Make up was for girls. Except pink was a girl color and Theo had his hair dyed pink. Besides, colours didn’t belong to anyone. And there was no reason pink was just for girls. And Scott told him there were more than two genders. So what then? Did no-gender people get green, or orange? It almost made him laugh at how silly it all seemed suddenly—that colours matched ideas like that. Why not nail polish for boys then? Or any gender? Or anyone that god damn wanted to wear it?

‘Hold still.’ Theo said, steadying Liam’s hand with his free one. It kept his hand still, but it made his heart race. It was still hot in the back, though cooler than the front. Sweat had matted some of Theo’s hair, making the pink color dark. Without thinking, Liam reached out and pushed the stray locks from Theo’s face. The punk froze as soon as Liam touched him. Only after he did it, did Liam realize what he’d done.

‘I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean—‘

‘Liam, it’s okay.’ Theo’s smile was shy. Green eyes dropping back to paining Liam’s nails. Saying nothing more.

‘You called me Liam.’ He said. Mouth dry. Tongue made of dust.

‘That’s your name, right?’

‘Yeah. You usually call me Killer, though.’

‘Are you?’

‘What?’

‘A killer?’

‘No. I don’t know. Maybe.’

Theo chuckled.

‘I’m just teasing you.’

‘I knew that.’ Liam blurted. Theo finished his task. Before Liam could take his hand back Theo drew it up to his lips, blowing gently to dry the nail polish. When he finally let go Liam was blushing as bright as a christmas light.

‘Don’t touch anything until it dries.’ Theo said, wiggling into his beat-up sneakers. Liam looked at the black nail polish on his right hand. He couldn’t help smiling—Theo did it for him, and it looked pretty freaking cool.

‘Better get out here.’ Brett said, poking his head in the door. Theo made a noise. He grabbed his leather jacket and pulled it on—face a dark mask in contrast to the tender smile he’d shared with Liam a moment ago. It fell slightly when he looked over his shoulder at the other boy.

‘See you out there.’

Then he was gone. Leaving Liam alone with Brett. The tall guitarist folded his arms and glared at Liam. He glanced down at Liam’s hand and spotted the nail polish before looking to the bottle beside Theo’s things. There was a edge to the look he gave Liam then, like he was furious. But it was gone so quick Liam almost doubted it was there to begin with. Instead, Brett grinned.

‘Better get out there. You’ll miss the show. Killer.’

Liam nodded and ducked past Brett, heading to the side door. He could hear the roar of the people gathered just outside it, eager for Chimera to start their set. He didn’t know if Mason or any of the others were out there watching. He didn’t know what was going on with any of them—Mason in particular. And he didn’t care. He came to see Theo, leave all of that behind for a few hours, and not think of the consequences. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

Chapter Text

It started out as a loud hum pouring through the speakers and filling the room—leaving no space for the urgent whispers and excited cries of the crowd that had formed around him. Soon the hum was the only sound, until one of the band members plugged in a jack. A sharp whine of feedback was quickly overtaken by a guttural growl, tearing out of Theo’s throat—making everyone in the room wince and then go still as if in reverence.

Liam watched the pink hair hanging over Theo’s face, head bowed as he snarled barely audible lyrics into the microphone as if he was trying to gnaw on it like an animal with a bone. He glanced up at the crowd suddenly before the rest of the band joined in—guitar and bass crashing into each other as the crowd came to life.

Liam was jostled from every direction, but he was ready for it this time. To his left a girl screamed her own interpretation of the lyrics. To his right, two guy shouted and hopped up and down. The energy was bold and insistent. Liam stayed rooted to his spot near the front—it was an entirely different experience being so close to the band. It felt like they were a fire being whipped around by a tornado, and he was close enough for the flames to lick his finger tips.

The first song turned into the second, turning into the third. Lima didn’t know exactly where one song ended and the next started, but the change in energy was there—Theo raging, Theo coaxing, Theo snarling. Sweat poured down the singer’s face as he paced the small, makeshift stage. He raised his hands and worked the crowd into a frenzy and then backed off with a cocky smirk. He went to each of his band mates and got in their faces, trying to provoke them. Each ignored him—focused on their own part of the crashing chaos that was storming through the speakers. The only one that broke the pattern was Brett, who gave Theo a defiant look. Theo’s only response was to grin wider and hover close. Crowding the tall guitarist. Brett pushed back and Theo turned back to the crowd with a new assault of raw lyrics. He stopped right in the middle to peel his shirt off and throw it away before barking into the microphone once more.

Liam suddenly found it hard to breathe. The tattoos on Theo’s torso moved with each flex of his muscles, and glistened with a sheen of sweat. Pink hair was now plastered to Theo’s face and whenever he raised his arms, his chest flexed instinctively. Everyone around Liam roared—it was impossible to deny Theo’s presence. Or his magnetism. Liam’s eyes followed every movement, every word. The music dove into him—smashing through layers and layers of who he was and who other people wanted him to be. Down to the bottom. To the place he was afraid to go. The music was there, and Liam felt the thing inside of him pace to match Theo’s movements on stage. It felt good. It felt amazing.

Liam raised his arms suddenly and let a cry tear from his lips, startling the people beside him with his intensity. Among all the other voices and shouts somehow Theo heard him—green eyes striking him through the chaos in the room. A small window of stillness opened, and Theo stopped moving. Stopped singing. He looked at Liam and the boy saw something on the singer’s face. Recognition? Relief? Longing? It was hard to place, and before it could last any longer Brett ramped up the guitar and overwhelmed the stage. Theo tore his gaze away and they finished the song.

His hands ached to do something. Anything. It was a familiar feeling. A bad feeling. Liam flexed his hands to try and wear out the sensation as the band rallied and went quiet, waiting for Theo to start singing whatever song he’d picked next. The lyrics were direct and loud, but Liam could make out the words. He was surprised to recognize the song as one of the ones Mason tried to teach him. The slower, forceful tempo matched Theo’s slow movements. As he sang he looked out towards the crowd, catching Liam’s eyes on certain lyrics and giving a sly smile.

Brett stepped forward into the crowd, eyes darting to the people around him as Theo pointed and sang to the rhythmic beat of the drums. Sweat glistened off Brett’s chest as smirked at a girl with pink and blue hair. He leaned forward and Liam was surprised to see her dart forward to make out with the guitarist. His fingers faltered on the neck as they kissed—resuming as he pulled back. Theo continued with his slow pace, looking at Malia as she focused on thundering out the beat.

Another person, a boy Liam thought, leaned forward and kissed Brett on the lips. Liam was surprised when the tall boy kissed back. As he pulled away, Liam was shocked to recognize Nolan’s face—hair sticking to sweaty skin and a dreamy look in his eyes. Brett touched Nolan’s jaw with a small smile. Fleeting and shy. Totally different from the vibe he’d given off when he stepped into the crowd. Brett turned away from Nolan and the swagger was back. The girl beside Liam lunged forward to take a turn kissing Brett. Theo’s chanting continued, eyes searching the faces of the room. Liam tried to grab his attention but there was no way he was standing out from the people around him. He felt hot breath on his neck suddenly, and turned to look Brett right in the eyes. There was something buried there—desire. Anger. Lips turning up into a sneer as the guitarist leaned close.

‘Something to think about. Killer.’

Suddenly the air was driven out of Liam’s lung was Brett’s lips hammered down onto his own. It wasn’t soft or gentle. There was a hunger there, and Liam felt Brett’s tongue push into his mouth. His heart raced as he tried to pull away, but Brett’s hand kept his head carefully in place. The kiss ended and Liam tore himself away, chest heaving.

‘Deal with it.’ Brett said. The drums came to a stop. The guitar had been silent since Brett grabbed Liam. Theo’s voice was low. Liam struggled to breathe—it felt like the room was suddenly very small. Brett kissed him. A boy kissed him. In front of so many people. And Theo, what about Theo?

Liam glanced to the stage. Theo’s jaw was clenched—muscles of his neck strained like steel cords ready to snap. He looked at Brett with an intensity that scared Liam suddenly. And at the same time, it was a look he somehow understood.

The microphone made a loud noise as it came crashing down and Theo roared, lunging at Brett. The tall boy barely had time to shed his guitar as Theo came down on him hard. Everything happened so fast it was hard to make out, but Liam knew that Theo and Brett were exchanging blows at a fierce pace. Several people around them had picked up on the vibe and smaller fights started to break out. Liam was dragged away as the people around him moved to the exits. He caught a last glimpse of Theo—hair throw back in a pink blur as he tore into Brett. The other boy matched Theo’s anger with his own. Liam yelled, but any words he had were drowned by the noise of the fighting and fleeing.

As he was swept away, Liam spotted Nolan nearby. Tears were streaming down the boy’s face.

‘Nolan!’ Liam yelled, reaching out. The boy cringed and turned away. Two large people ran into him, nearly knocking him to the floor. Liam thrust his hand out against the flow of the people and managed to snag Nolan’s arm before he was trampled. He gritted his teeth and yanked the other boy towards him. Nolan resisted, confusing Liam, but there was no time to wonder. He held Nolan close and went with the flow of people heading out of the small exit.

Outside the night air hit him like a cold wave. They tumbled to the ground a few feet away, trying to catch their breath. The rest of the crowd dispersed into the night. Some cheering with the edgy energy of the show. Others somber and quiet. Nolan picked himself up off the ground and ran around the corner of the building.

‘Nolan!’ Liam stumbled then chased after the boy. When he rounded the corner Nolan hadn’t gotten far. He’d tripped and landed on the hard ground. Liam walked over and offered his hand.

‘Are you okay?’

Nolan swatted his hand away.

‘Fuck you!’

Liam stepped back. The already agitated part of him cowered—he didn’t like when people yelled at him. The other part of him was still confused. Why had Nolan tried to stay inside? Why was he acting to angry?

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam said. Nolan was on his feet in a flash. Liam was suddenly reminded that Nolan was almost the same height and build as him. In another world they might have been brothers. But right now the talkative motormouth with a deep love of chilli cheese dogs was a few inches from his face—pain and anger easy to see.

‘Fuck. You!’ Nolan shoved Liam to the ground. Liam winced. There were so many emotions coursing through him he didn’t know what was going on, but Nolan was so upset. That he could focus on. Maybe fix.

‘What did I do?’ Liam struggled back to his feet.

‘You screwed everything up. Everything!’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Stop apologizing!’ Nolan yelled. Liam froze as Nolan’s tears started again fresh.

‘Everything was so good. So perfect. No one else was coming. Just me. And I wanted to see him so bad!’ Nolan said.

‘Then you were there and he… he doesn’t see anyone when you’re around. Just you. And I want him to see me. To look at me like that!’

‘Who?’ Liam shook his head. Why was everything so confusing.

‘Brett!’

Liam touched his lips without thinking, drawing a glare from Nolan.

‘You think… he likes me.’

‘He kissed you!’

‘He kissed you! And a lot of other people!’

‘Not like how he kissed you.’

‘Nolan, Brett hates me.’

‘Bullshit! Shut up.’ Nolan waved him off, stalking in a small circle.

‘I’m just trying to help.’

Nolan laughed. Forced and bitter.

‘You can’t help me. You don’t even know what’s going on!’

‘I would if you’d let me know.’ Liam said.

‘This was a mistake. All of it, a mistake. We should have left you in your stupid church where you’d be happy.’

‘I wasn’t happy.’ Liam said, but Nolan was on a rant and missed the words.

‘Mason begged us to be cool with you. To let you tag along.’

‘He invited me to meet his friends.’ Liam bristled. Mason wouldn’t do that. Mason wouldn’t tell people to change how they act, would he?

‘He said you’d freaked out before. That you were dangerous.’

‘No!’ Liam felt the flare of anger rise suddenly. He pushed it down quickly. Clenching his fists. Unclenching. Holding tight once more.

Nolan paused, eyes trained on Liam. Head bowed and looking at his hands as he opened and closed them.

Liam shook his hands and brought them together. It was too much to understand. To much to handle. Like holding onto the tail of some enormous beast. He was losing his grip.

‘I didn’t… I didn’t want it.’ Liam said. His mouth tasted metallic. Sour. He looked down at his hands, all tangled together.

‘What?’ Nolan was hesitant.

‘I didn’t want him to kiss me! I wanted Th— I wanted…’ Liam mumbled. He felt it like a snake wrapped around him inside—all the expectations. The scripture. The things he’d been taught. Things that pushed him down and away from even saying a name. Or thinking a thought. Suddenly he felt like he was going to throw up.

‘You look sick.’

‘I feel sick.’ Liam said.

‘Good.’

Liam slowly sank to his knees. What was happening to him? It was impossible to focus on anything. Nolan kept talking. Yelling sometimes. How was he supposed to help Nolan when he couldn’t even help himself?

The yelp of sirens cut through the air as two police cruisers showed up. Shouting from the front of the building snapped Liam out of his head. If they were arrested…

A gangly kid darted around the corner and bolted past them.

‘Police!’ He yelled.

Liam grabbed Nolan’s hand and dragged him towards the forest along the far side of the parking lot. There was minor resistance at first, until Nolan heard the shouting and yelling. Liam pushed his way through the underbrush, past several trees. They came to a small footpath, out of breath and sweating.

Nolan pulled his hand away and sat on a wooden bench off the trail. Liam glanced down the path to a clearing lit with overhead lights. A small park of some kind, and the trail was a man-made walk way leading to it. He sat on the edge of the bench as far from Nolan as he could get.

‘You could have left me.’ Nolan said.

‘No.’ Liam shook his head.

‘Why not?’

‘You’re my… you’re my friend.’ Liam said. Or at least that’s what he’d thought since meeting the boy. Since meeting them all. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe they were only Mason’s friends, and what Nolan told him was the truth. That they just humoured him and Liam was an unwelcome addition to the group. Scott… maybe that was a lie, too. No. That couldn’t be. Scott was real. He cared. Theo cared…

‘Thanks.’ Nolan mumbled.

‘I didn’t do anything.’ Liam said.

‘You pulled me out of there. You brought us here. Even after I yelled at you. And said those things.’

Liam frowned. Wasn’t that just common sense? The right thing to do?

‘Hey!’ A flashlight beam cut through the darkness, catching their shape as an officer crashed through the bushes. Nolan slid close and pulled off his shirt covered in band logos, tossing it under the bench. His white undershirt was drenched and Liam saw him shiver.

‘Take my hand!’ He hissed. Liam frowned.

‘Quick!’

Nolan grabbed Liam’s hand and leaned against him. Nolan’s hand was warm. His weight was nice. Liam hadn’t been so close to someone since his grandmother was alive. And Nolan was a boy. And his friend. It was too much for Liam. He closed his eyes and reached for the breaker in the back of his head. A trick he learned when he was little. When things go to be too much. With everything turned off, nothing could touch him. Nothing mattered.

‘Don’t move.’ The officer said, shining the full force of the flashlight on them. Liam sat there, watching. Nolan reacted. Startled.

‘What’re you kids doing?’

‘Trying to watch the stars. What do you think?’ The sarcasm was thick in Nolan’s tone. The officer looked down at their hands and made an uncomfortable noise.

After a second he turned, flashed the light up and down the path before heading back towards the building. Nolan took his hand back and slid away, but not as far from where he’d been sitting.

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said.

‘You alight?’ Nolan asked.

‘Sure.’ Liam shrugged.

‘You seem a little like, different.’ Nolan said.

‘I feel fine.’

‘Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out, pal.’

‘It’s okay. I just turned everything off.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I turned it off.’ Liam shrugged. Nolan frowned.

‘C’mon.’ Nolan grabbed his hand and dragged him forward. Liam looked at the hand holding his and felt nothing. He let Nolan guide him back to the building. By then there were no police, or people around at all. Nolan scanned the area.

‘Stay here. I’ll be right back.’ Nolan said.

‘Okay.’ Liam shrugged. He watched Nolan jog around the corner and pull out his phone. It was kind of warm out. Cooler than inside the building. The show had been pretty loud. That was fun. He’d have to look up the song later. There were words his dad definitely wouldn’t approve of, but he wouldn’t approve of anything that Liam had been doing. Lying. A lot of lying. But it would be bad to tell the truth now. And he didn’t want to.

He could hear Nolan talking on the phone. He sounded worried. Liam didn’t know how to explain that everything was alright. The sky was clear and the wind felt nice, what was there to worry about?

‘Liam, hey.’ Nolan was back, putting a hand on his shoulder.

‘Scott is gonna come pick us up, okay? I don’t think you should go back to your dad like this.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like… a robot.’

‘You’re weird.’ Liam said. Nolan was weird.

‘C’mon, let’s sit over here and wait for Scott.’ Nolan guided him to a small rock. Liam wondered how he was going to explain being late to his dad. Pretty soon he wouldn’t be able to fool him any more. It was only a matter of time. His dad knew everything. Always found out everything, no matter what. He’d have to deal with it later. For now they needed to get Nolan home. At least Scott was coming to help. Liam guessed that proved that he was a pretty good friend.

‘Do you get like this a lot?’ Nolan asked.

‘Like what?’

‘Ummm, quiet?’

‘I don’t got a lot to say.’

‘Alright.’ Nolan said, looking away.

Silence stretched out between them. Liam looked at the sky. Listened to the distant sounds of traffic.

‘Are you okay with me ummm… liking Brett?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded.

‘It doesn’t freak you out?’

‘He doesn’t like me. But I don’t know why.’

‘I thought he liked you. A lot.’

‘Why?’

‘I saw him the other day and he asked about you.’

‘That doesn’t make sense.’

Nolan shrugged.

‘Do you know I’m gay?’

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘Oh. Does it bother you?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Even with your dad and stuff?’

Liam frowned. He could feel things shifting around in his head, trying to connect and bring a whole host of emotions to life. He snuffed them out and was left with things that happened, and things that didn’t.

‘I think that if you care about people, and you’re kind, then that’s a good thing. My dad hates faggots. And he doesn’t ever want me to be one. The church hates homosexuals, too. I think they’re wrong. But it’s hard to know what they think and what I think sometimes, because everything gets mixed up inside me. And it makes my head hurt a lot.’

‘Wow.’ Nolan blinked. ‘That’s… that’s pretty fucked up.’

Liam nodded. ‘It is.’

Before Nolan could answer the headlights of a car lit up the parking lot as Scott pulled in. He got out of the car and walked over with a worried look.

‘Hey, Liam. You okay?’ Scott asked.

‘I’m good.’

‘He sounds like a robot.’ Nolan said.

‘What happened?’

‘Brett kind of… kissed me. And then Liam. During the show, and Theo—‘

‘—got arrested. I know that part.’

‘How?’

Scott sighed. ‘Get in. We’ll figure it out.’

Liam got into the car in the back behind the passenger seat. Nolan climbed in shotgun and looked back at his friend with a worried expression.

‘I’m sorry I’m causing trouble.’ Liam said.

‘It’s okay. You’re okay.’ Nolan said before turning around. Scott started the car and headed down the road.

‘We can’t take him home like this.’ Nolan said.

‘We’re not going to his place yet. Got another stop.’ Scott turned down the road. His phone started ringing on the dashboard. Scott hit decline. It immediately started to ring again. Scott growled and declined again. The third time he let out a huff of hot air.

‘Can you turn that off?’ Scott asked. Nolan grabbed for it and turned the phone off. Liam watched the cars go by. Every now and again he’d look up at the mirror and catch Scott looking at him. Everyone was so worried. But it was easier this way. To feel nothing.

‘Where are we?’ Nolan asked as they pulled in front of a brick building. A beat up jeep with a skinny guy leaning against it was waiting when they parked. Liam got out of the car and recognized Stiles from the other night.

‘Hi Stiles.’ Liam said.

‘Hey Liam.’ The boy said, circling around to Scott’s side of the car. Nolan shot Liam a curious look.

‘Scott, go home.’

‘I’m not doing this again.’ Scott shrugged his friend’s hand off.

‘Every time he gets in shit you come running. Every time.’

‘I have to.’

‘After he— Scott. I’m not gonna stand here and watch him treat you like that again.’

‘Then leave.’

‘You can’t help everyone!’

‘I said I’m not doing this again. It’s my choice.’ Scott stepped away from Stiles and glanced back at Liam and Nolan. ‘Wait here.’

Stiles hit his palm against his forehead as Scott went inside. He sighed.

‘And how’s your night?’ Stiles asked, looking at Liam. The boy shrugged.

‘Alright. Okay. Okay.’ Stiles said as he hopped in the jeep and started it up. Nolan gave a hesitant wave as he drove off.

‘Do you know him?’ Nolan asked.

‘He’s Scott’s friend. He’s in a band.’

‘Oh.’

'Hey,' Nolan bit his lip, 'About all the stuff I said, I was just mad. Okay?'

'Alright.' Liam said. Nolan sighed in frustration.

The door opened and Scott emerged. A few seconds later Theo followed, leather jacket draped over his shoulders. Nolan slid back into the car without a word and Liam joined him, wondering why Theo was coming with them.

The others boys got into the car without speaking. After Scott started to drive he looked over at Nolan.

‘Want me to drop you at your place, or Danny’s?’

‘My place is fine.’ Nolan said.

‘Almost didn’t recognize you, Carrots.’ Theo smiled. His voice was rough and raw. Like he’s been screaming. At least more than usual during a show. Liam studied the singer’s face—cuts and bruises and the beginning of a black eye. He thought Theo was going to say something witty in response to Nolan’s brush off. Instead he sank back into the seat beside Liam, wincing as tender spots were disturbed.

They drove in silence until they pulled up along a quiet suburban house. Nolan popped open the door and looked in the backseat. He glared at Theo, then gave Liam a softer look.

‘Thanks.’

‘For what?’

‘Being a pal.’

Liam made himself smile, because that was the right thing to do. Nolan returned it, but the worry didn’t quite leave his eyes. Liam watched him head towards his house. Scott pulled away from the curb wordlessly.

‘Liam, you’re crashing at my place. We’ll handle your dad tomorrow.’

‘What’s wrong with his dad?’ Theo asked, leaning forward.

‘Shut it, Theo.’ Scott glared at him through the rearview mirror. ‘I’m dropping you at your place.’

‘Drop me at Josh’s.’

‘I’m not going that far down there.’

‘I can’t go home. Locked out.’

Scott sighed.

‘One night. That’s it. And don’t be surprised if my mom tries to kill you.’

‘Your mom loves me.’

‘She used to.’

Theo crossed his arms and leaned back into the seat. His leather groaned as he moved. As they drove Liam watched the street lights illuminate Theo’s features. He looked tired. He looked upset.

Liam clenched his teeth together so hard it hurt. It was better to feel nothing, but Theo somehow cut through all of that. It wasn’t just that he was beautiful, it was that he was the same somehow. Or part of him was. And despite what Liam did, something about the pink-haired demon drew him back to the surface.

The tears came suddenly, but the feelings there were numb. He wasn’t sure what he was crying about, or when it would stop. Was he crying for Theo? Because he was hurt? Or had no where to go? Or was he crying because he felt bad for himself? Or some other reason that escaped him.

Liam jumped when he felt the back of Theo’s hand press against his own. The singer wasn’t looking at him—Theo was staring out the window, but had clearly moved his hand towards Liam. Liam felt all of the bad feelings well up inside of him. The ones that didn’t belong to him. He felt them pool in his mouth, and washed them away with blood when he bit down hard on his own tongue. His hand shook as his finger tips touched Theo’s. Still looking away, Theo took Liam’s hand in his own. Liam looked down to see their hands clasped together—both with black nail polish. Matching. And even though it was more confusing than anything he felt, and part of him hated himself, he wanted whatever was happening so much he didn’t have the words to express it.

Scott unlocked the door and ushered Theo and Liam inside.

‘Liam, would your dad be awake if you called?’ Scott asked.

‘No.’

‘He gonna freak out you’re not home?’

‘He’ll punish me later.’ Liam mumbled.

Scott frowned.

‘We’re gonna talk about that in the morning. Wait here.’

The boys stood awkwardly as Scott disappeared upstairs. Theo shrugged off his jacket, and Liam glanced at the messy pink hair. New feelings took root every time Theo was around. Feelings Liam didn’t dare to hold on to, or look at for too long. The Theo with him now, standing in the dark of the living room, was different than the Theo on stage. Or the Theo feeding alleycats and making friends with people on the street. How many Theos were there, he wondered? And which one was real.

Liam turned to face him directly. Something he would never be able to do if he was feeling the full force of everything inside. The numbness was still there, but fading fast next to the taller boy.

‘Why did you hit Brett?’

‘He pissed me off.’

‘How?’

Theo looked away and shoved his hands into his pockets. He glanced up at Liam. With hesitation? Shyness? Before Liam could ask Scott came back downstairs with pillows and blankets. He made up the couch and love seat as beds.

‘Liam. Bathroom is over there. Kitchen is there and glasses are in the right cupboard.’ Scott said. Liam nodded.

‘You know where everything is.’ Scott said to Theo. The boy nodded.

‘I’ll see you guys in the morning.’ Scott started up the stairs.

‘Scott. Thanks.’ Theo said. The other boy softened and let out a sigh.

‘You’re welcome. You know that, too.’

‘I know, yeah.’ Theo muttered.

Liam settled into the soft cushions. He wondered what Scott’s mom was like. Probably nice like Scott was.

‘Liam?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m sorry if I scared you tonight.’

‘You didn’t scare me. That much.’

‘Sometimes I… never mind. Good night.’ Theo said.

‘Sometimes you got to let it out. The thing inside.’

Silence. The sound of blankets moving slightly, then a sigh.

‘Can’t keep it in forever.’ Theo said.

Liam gripped his hands tightly together. He knew he could. He just had to try harder. Harder than he ever had before, and then it would all be okay. Everything would be okay. Everything was always okay.

Chapter Text

Liam couldn’t sleep. Or he didn’t want to. The sound of the kitchen clock ticking loudly seemed to fill the entire house. There was no way he could block it out. Even the pillow Scott gave him didn’t work. A soft noise caught his attention and Liam turned toward the couch where Theo was sprawled out. The blanket Scott gave him hit the floor long ago—Theo tossed and turned a lot in his sleep. There was a look on the singer’s face that worried Liam. Drawn and pensive.

Theo mumbled in his sleep and pushed at something in his dream. Suddenly Liam was awake, watching the older boy frown and talk to someone that wasn’t there. It was hard to make out what he was saying, so Liam gently sat up and leaned closer. It sounded like a chant. Some kind of litany Theo was saying over and over again that reminded Liam of Tibetan monks he saw on TV. Chanting to honour the dead. Or ward them off.

As Liam leaned closer he could make out the fear and worry etched into Theo’s sleeping features. The words were barely audible.

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…’ Theo’s lips were moving but the words were more breath and anything. Liam frowned and reached out to put a hand on Theo’s shoulder and wake him up. A creak at the back door startled him. He glanced up at the woman there—dark features and tired eyes. She glanced down at Theo and gave a small sigh before pressing her finger to her lips and gesturing Liam towards the kitchen.

‘You must be Liam.’ She spoke quietly as she dumped her purse on the counter. She was dressed in hospital scrubs and looked like she hadn’t slept in days. He gave her a funny look.

‘Scott loves to talk about new friends.’ She gave him a smile, ‘Hot chocolate?’

She held up a pack and Liam gave a gentle nod.

‘Thanks Mrs. uhhhh….’ Liam blinked. What had Allison said about Scott’s last name changing? Or maybe it hadn’t.

‘McCall. But you can call me Melissa.’ She winked as she poured two cups of hot chocolate and added lots of cream and marshmallows.

‘Melissa.’ Liam tried the name out. It felt wrong to call an adult by their first name. His father definitely wouldn’t approve.

‘Melissa McCall. Sounds like I should work in a call centre.’ She snorted. Liam smiled a little. She wasn’t like the other adults he’d met.

‘So, Liam. Care to regale me how one Theo Raeken came to be sleeping on my couch?’

‘I didn’t… Scott picked him up from lock-up and I was just… there.’ Liam mumbled.

She handed Liam a mug and sipped her hot chocolate.

‘Let me guess—Theo got in a fight with Stiles again, got arrested and Scott came to bail him out as usual.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said, taking a sip. Hot chocolate was the perfect thing at the moment.

‘Kinda. Theo got into a fight with Brett. The rest is pretty accurate.’

‘And Brett is his boyfriend?’

‘What? No.’ Liam said. Was he? No. That didn’t make sense. Well, maybe it did actually. Except it would be a strange relationship. But then again, nothing around him seemed to be normal or predictable in any way, so maybe Melissa was right. Liam didn’t really know that much about Theo. Or Brett. Or Scott for that matter. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed likely that Theo and Brett might be together. And Allison’s comments the other night seemed to make sense if Theo and Scott used to be together. And Scott did say he was pansexual…

Liam frowned. It hurt his head to try and make sense of it all. Why couldn’t people just say what they felt and what they meant, instead of making a giant, tangled mess of everything.

‘Were Scott and Theo…’ Liam tried to find the words that wouldn’t make him sound stupid for asking. Melissa sat her mug down and leaned against the counter.

‘Scott has always been a unique kid. When he was five he told everyone he was going to marry his pre-school teacher. The teacher was mortified. Every time Scott saw him he’d stick to his leg like a magnet. Then when he was a bit older his favourite show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer because “Buffy is the best, beautiful girl ever”. Besides me, of course.’ Melissa chuckled.

‘So Scott is… he’s been with Theo and Allison?’ Liam cradled the mug in his hands.

‘Scott follows his heart. And sometimes it leads him to difficult places.’ She gave him a sad smile and smoothed out some of his hair. ‘You kind of remind me of him.’

Theo made a noise in his sleep and Melissa sighed.

‘A long time ago, Scott, Theo, and Stiles were inseparable.’ She said. Liam remembered how Stiles had reacted when they showed up to bail Theo out. Like Scott had done it before. Like Stiles hated it.

‘They’re not anymore.’ Liam said.

‘No. Not for a long time. There were some difficult times. The way Theo handled it made it a lot harder. And when that wedge forms between people, well, it can be hard to fix. They’ve never been the same. Though as you can see, my son still has a soft spot for troublemakers.’

Liam’s mind raced. What did all of that mean? And where did he belong in it all? It felt like a storm of secrets that he couldn’t keep up with. Everyone had such deep bonds. Past history. Relationships. What did he have? Nothing. Well, he had Mason. And now Mason hated him probably. He had his dad. And the church. They were always ready to welcome him, to draw him in. Except there were cracks there now, too. His grandmother was gone. His mother was gone. No one wanted him.

‘Liam?’ He could hear the worry in her voice as he squeezed his eyes shut tight, so the tears couldn’t get out. He felt stupid and weak. Crying for no reason. His dad would be so angry. He thought of Mason’s voice, telling him his dad was wrong. That crying didn’t mean he was weak. It made him cry harder.

‘Oh honey.’ Melissa said before pulling the boy close. Liam wrapped his arms around her and any effort to hold things in ended. She was warm and gentle and soft. Liam’s heart ached more than ever for his own mother, who left him behind so many years ago. Because he was bad. Because he was worthless.

‘It’s okay, Liam. It’s okay.’ She smoothed out his hair, soothing him. He wanted to say a thousand things. He wanted to explain all the things racing around inside of him, but he didn’t understand them himself. He wanted to tell her that she was so good. And that Scott was so lucky. Instead he sobbed against her shoulder. Words did not come.

‘What’s wrong?’ She coaxed. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

Liam pulled back as the tears ebbed. He hiccuped and Melissa smiled. She filled a glass with water and handed it to Liam, who drank it down in several quick gulps.

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’ He said, trying to marshal the words into order. ‘I just want to make them see that I can be good. That I’m not a freak. And I can do normal things too. But I… I don’t understand any of it. And it hurts so much.’

Liam searched her face and found kind eyes waiting. Listening.

‘I try so hard. But sometimes I get so angry. So, so angry. And I wish I could just… hate it all. And it would be easier. But I don’t. I want to be friends so bad. Because I’m so… I’m so… I don’t have anything.’ Liam looked down at his hands—empty.

‘That’s not true.’ She rubbed his arm. ‘You have Scott. And believe me, once he’s in your life you’re stuck with him.’

Liam hiccuped.

‘And you have… Theo, too.’

‘Why don’t people like him? I think he’s…’ Liam fumbled to explain it. Shook his head.

‘Theo hasn’t had an easy life. Sometimes people, they make bad decisions. And hurt people close to them.’

‘Theo did that?’

Melissa gave a weak smile.

‘You’re a good kid, Liam.’ She gave him another hug. It was soothing and painful at the same time. How could such a simple thing meant to comfort hurt him so much? It reminded him of all of the times it was absent. The crucial moments when he needed arms about him, and instead got lectures and punishments. It was like a razor blade dragging slowly across his heart. He could feel it splitting open. Flesh raw and aching.

And yet, when she pulled away, Liam fought to let go of his own hold. Melissa guided Liam back to the love seat. Suddenly he felt very heavy. Melissa covered him with a blanket. The last thing Liam saw before sleep came to him was Scott’s mother smoothing down Theo’s wild, pink hair and tucking him in.

‘Liam,’ Scott whispered, ‘Shower’s free.’

Liam blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked up at Scott, freshly showered and holding a clean towel. Liam grabbed it and rolled over, making the older boy chuckle.

‘Get up, Liam. You want the shower before Theo, trust me. He takes forever in there.’

Liam grumbled as Scott got him to his feet and nudged him towards the stairs. As Liam mounted the steps Scott smiled.

‘How do you like your eggs?’

‘Cooked.’ Liam muttered.

‘You must have been up late talking to my mom.’

Liam grunted.

‘Bathroom is down the hall to the left.’ Scott shook his head and disappeared into the kitchen.

Liam closed the bathroom door and leaned against the sink. It felt like he’d been sleeping for a hundred years. And at the same time not at all.

The hot water helped restore a sense of reality. Liam borrowed some of Scott’s shampoo. His hair was starting to get longer. It was only a matter of time now until he dad started calling him names. Trying to encourage him to get his hair cut. Even now it was too long for his dad’s taste. Anything more than half and inch seemed to be flirting with disapproval, and it was far past that now.

When Liam stepped out of the shower his clothes were gone. In their place were neatly folded sweat pants and a tshirt. He didn’t even hear the door open while he was in the shower. He looked at the clothes—far more relaxed than anything he owned. Liam pulled them on and opened the door to find Theo about to knock. The taller boy flashed a smile. Liam blinked—Theo was shirtless, with a towel over his shoulder. Liam glanced at several of Theo’s tattoos. It was the clearest he’d seen them but still he couldn’t decipher their meaning.

‘Morning, Killer. Hope you didn’t use all the hot water.’

‘What? I wouldn’t—‘

‘I’m just winding you up.’ Theo winked. Liam felt his cheeks heat up.

‘Gonna let me in there? Or maybe you wanna scrub my back.’ Theo raised his eyebrows. Liam nearly choked as he inhaled. Theo chuckled and bushed past. His skin was warm and soft.

The door closed and Liam blinked, standing alone in the hallway until the scent of bacon woke his appetite and drew him downstairs. Someone was making bacon. He hovered at the top of the stairs as he struggled to make sense of the situation he suddenly found himself in. Maybe Melissa would come down for breakfast. She made things seems so much easier. Safer. But she was probably still asleep since she got home from work so late.

Scott glanced over his shoulder as Liam came into the kitchen.

‘Can you grab the orange juice from the fridge?’ He asked, turning back to the hot stove in front of him.

Liam grabbed the pitcher of juice and looked around before setting it on the counter next to Scott.

‘On the table, please.’ Scott said.

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Liam blushed in embarrassment—of course he meant for Liam to put it on the table.

Scott moved past him and sat in a chair. His cheeks bulged with bacon as he chewed—giving Liam a quick wink. Liam sat down in an empty seat across from Scott as the older boy finished his bacon.

‘Dig in!’ Scott said and started to heap everything onto his plate—eggs, toast, pancakes, bacon, hash browns, and fruit. Liam watched as the older boy ate everything that got close. No grace. No praying. Liam slowly collected food onto his own plate. Should he say grace? Would Scott think he was weird? Part of him wanted to say grace, but he felt like that part didn’t belong to him. So instead he put a piece of bacon in his mouth and chewed.

Scott slowed his eating and watched Liam carefully. Liam beamed.

‘It’s great!’

‘As good as a Terry’s Po’boy?’ Scott chuckled.

‘Well…’ Liam didn’t want to be rude.

‘Ha, it’s okay, Liam. Nothing beats Terry’s.’ Scott winked, digging into his food.

Liam gave a small smile.

‘Nice to see you waited for me.’ Theo finished drying his hair and draped the towel on a chair.

Scott made a noise and pointed at the towel. Theo rolled his eyes before grabbing it and walking into a room beyond the kitchen.

‘There. I hung it up. She won’t freak out.’ Theo held up his hands as he returned. Scott grunted.

Scott glanced at the healing cuts and bruises on Theo’s face.

‘You look like shit.’

‘Well you’re positively glowing.’ Theo forced a huge smile. Scott rolled his eyes as he finished his eggs.

‘I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen you shower.’ Scott said.

‘Well I didn’t want you filling Liam’s head with make up stories about me.’ Theo speared some bacon with a fork and started to pile the food on his plate.

‘I’d be more worried about the true ones.’ Scott glared at Theo. The pink-haired punk faltered. Liam paused, waiting for the explosion that was surly coming. Instead of anger, Theo seemed to withdraw and wilt. He growled something under his breath that made Scott frown, but it made Liam think of the words Theo was whispering in his sleep over and over.

‘After breakfast I’ll take you home, Liam. If you want I’ll talk to your dad.’ Scott said.

‘It’s okay. I can… I don’t have to go back right away.’ Liam said.

‘Won’t that get you into more trouble?’

Liam shrugged. He was already in hot water, what did it matter if he spent a few more hours away from home?

‘I wanna hang out. For a bit long. As long as it’s okay.’ Liam said. Scott leaned back in his chair.

‘I say let him stay, Pup.’ Theo heaped sugar into his coffee mug.

‘Don’t call me that.’ Scott shot a look at Theo. He sighed.

‘You’re sure it wouldn’t be better if you went back right away?’

‘It’s fine.’ Liam said. He could handle it.

‘Well this was a nice change of pace. We should do it again sometime.’ Theo said with a wink. He pushed away from the table and stretched.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Scott asked.

‘To track down my annoying roommate so I can get into my place.’

‘Dude, I bailed you out of jail.’

‘And I’m very, very thankful for that. But I have things to do.’

Scott narrowed his eyes.

‘Liam.’

‘Yeah?’ Liam looked between the two. He didn’t understand why Theo’s attitude didn’t work on Scott. Or why the tattooed boy didn’t just stalk off on his own instead of looking like he was rooted to the spot.

‘Can you use a lawn mower?’

‘Sure. I do the lawn in front of the church.’ Liam said.

‘Great.’

Theo huffed and crossed his arms.

‘I’m not helping.’ The punk said.

‘Mom asked. And if there’s anyone you owe—‘

‘—fine!’ Theo headed to the stairs, hovering at the landing.

Scott sighed.

‘You can borrow some jeans and one my old shirts.’

Theo didn’t turn around. Liam couldn’t tell if he was angry, or sad. Or something else. Finally Theo turned slightly in their direction. Green eyes met blue. There was something buried there. Shame. Hurt. Maybe relief. Then Theo was looking at Scott.

‘Thanks.’ He disappeared upstairs.

‘Wanna help with the dishes?’ Scott smiled at Liam as if the entire exchange hadn’t happened. Liam nodded. He didn’t know what words to speak at the moment. Everything seemed to move around him in patterns he couldn’t grasp. At least it was different because he trusted Scott. And Theo.

The yard was an unruly mess. Liam was used to working outside to cut grass and clean up leaves. Scott had dirt all over his face as the worked to clean out the gutters. Theo looked completely out of place with his pink hair and tattoos. He wore Scott’s old clothes, which barely seemed to fit him in certain areas. More than that, Theo simply wasn’t cut out of yard work—Liam followed behind whatever task the singer was doing to make sure he finished it properly. He didn’t want Scott to get mad at Theo again. Liam wasn’t sure what had happened between them in the past, but he felt like it was still possible for them to maybe be friends one day.

By the time they were done the yard looked neat and trim. Scott smiled and squeezed Liam’s shoulder.

‘Great job on the grass.’ He nodded to himself.

‘Thanks.’ Liam said. It was nice to be helpful, especially to his friends.

‘Pup— Scotty. I’m melting. Please tell me you have a walk-in freezer somewhere in the basement.’ Theo wiped the sweat from his forehead. Scott shook his head, but Liam caught the traces of a smile at the edge of his lips.

‘Wait here. There’s lemonade and ice in the fridge.’ Scott disappeared inside.

Theo sank down on the front steps, wiping his eyes with the back of his arm. Liam’s gaze darted to the movement of Theo’s shoulder and chest. He must spend a lot of time at the gym to keep that physique. Maybe he could give Liam some tips. Maybe they could… No. It was a stupid thought. Besides, he had no time to work out. Or do anything really. Today was an anomaly.

‘Rest your bones, Killer.’ Theo slapped the empty space beside him. Liam sat down, trying to keep as far from Theo as possible—no one liked to be extra warm when they were already too hot. Theo gave him a funny look, but then shook his head.

‘Not how I pictured our second date.’ Theo said.

‘Date? What? But we’re… Oh. You mean because of the restaurant the other day.’ Liam blushed. Thankfully he was already hot and sweaty so there was no way for Theo to tell that.

‘You hear me Killer?’ Theo looked concerned.

‘What?’ Liam realized Theo said something but he totally missed it.

‘Nothing.’ Theo grinned. Not fully relaxed. But close.

‘You got a lot of nicknames for people.’ Liam said before thinking.

‘You’re right.’ Theo had a mischievous look, ‘Kinda my thing.’

‘Why?’

Theo rubbed his legs as his looked off in thought.

‘I guess it’s like kinda of giving someone something. Like a gift. Something that I share with someone else. I mean, I don’t really got much else to share.’

‘That’s not true.’ Liam said suddenly. Theo was caught off guard and for a split second and his face relaxed. Just like before, a look came over the singer’s face but it was gone too fast for Liam to grab any meaning from it. Theo turned away.

‘I didn’t know you were so forward, Killer.’

‘I didn’t mean it like that!’ Liam was blushing so hard he felt like a beacon visible from space. There was no way to stop it, either. ‘I meant that you have a beautiful voice.’

‘Me. I have a beautiful voice.’ Theo raised an eyebrow. Liam nodded.

‘Liam, you realize I scream words and sounds into a microphone until my voice sounds like gravel. And then I do it some more, right?’

Another nod.

‘I sound like shit.’ Theo smiled.

‘Not to me.’ Liam mumbled.

Theo glanced up at him, then away. Silence fell between them, but it was a new kind of silence. One Liam had never felt before. Like there was pressure in the air between him and Theo. Building up slowly, like it might snap and break something. Liam didn’t know what, though. And he didn’t know what to do with it.

‘Refreshments!’ Scott said, handing out lemonade and cucumber sandwiches that were put together so fast they barely held together.

They ate in mostly silence—focused on replenishing the energy they’d lost working on the lawn. Once they were done Scott gathered everything up and set it aside.

‘Ready?’

‘What for?’ Theo frowned.

‘The backyard.’

‘No way.’

‘Yes way.’ Scott beamed.

‘You did this on purpose.’ Theo said.

‘Yeah, I avoided four months of yard work just in case you got in shit one day and I’d bail you out so you could help me.’ Scott snorted. Theo’s look didn’t waver.

Scott gave a sly smile.

‘You’re an evil Pup.’ Theo muttered. Scott crossed his arms. Liam noticed he didn’t make a point about the nickname this time. Instead Scott led them to a small wooden fence with a gate that went to the back of the house.

‘Holy shit.’ Theo said. Liam peered around his arm.

The backyard was a jungle. The grass was out of control—Liam didn’t even know grass could get that tall, or there could be so many weeds. They grew over the back balcony and entangled the steps and lattice along the sides.

Theo looked at Scott.

‘I’m out.’

‘You can’t bail now when we need you most!’ Scott pleaded.

‘We?’

Scott looked at Liam. Theo turned to look at him as well.

‘It might take a few hours but I can help.’

Scott smiled and looked back to Theo.

‘Don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’ Scott asked, confused.

‘The thing with your eyebrows. Just don’t.’ Theo grumbled, rolling up his sleeves.

They started along the edges, working to pick up rocks or grab any of the obvious weeds. Theo was right—it had been at least a year if not more since someone took care of the yard. Liam had only seen one that was worse, and it belonged to one of the older women in the congregation. He’d gone over to help her back when his grandmother was still alive. It took three days on his own to get things into shape. At least with this yard there were three of them to tackle it all.

Scott was sweeping back the dirt and dust from the stone walkway, and Theo was tossing balls and toys from the neighbourhood kids off the lawn so it could be mowed properly.

Liam grunted as he tried to pull out the weeds growing up and over the back deck. They were clingy, and the wooden lattice looked like it had broken somehow. As he yanked the clinging plants free the heard a strange noise coming from under the steps.

‘Liam?’ Scott called from across the yard as the boy bent down to see what was happening.

A hiss and growl sent a shiver down his spine. Just as his eyes adjusted he spotted the raccoon beneath the broken wood of the lattice under the deck. It gave one more warning before it darted towards him—fangs and claws extended.

Liam gasped as the air was knocked out of his lungs and he landed in the tall grass of the lawn. He looked up to see Theo in his place—raccoon hanging from his forearm. Fangs tearing into thick flesh. It clawed and scratched and tore at Theo’s arm over and over. The punk’s face was twisted in effort, leaning away from the angry animal as it shredded his arm.

‘Shit!’ Scott ran at the animal with a broom. It hissed and darted off into the small shed in the corner of the yard.

Liam struggled to get to his feet, lungs straining to draw in air as he saw the blood well up and then run down Theo’s arm like a red river. Without thinking he grabbed the wound and pressed down tight. Theo looked at him, a flare of anxious anger that flickered out when he saw the panic and concern on Liam’s face.

‘Stay there. I have a first aid kit!’ Scott ran inside.

‘Why did you do that? Why would you do that?!’ Liam tried to keep grip on Theo’s arm but the blood back it slick.

‘It was going to bite you.’ Theo said.

‘But it bit you. You’re hurt!’ Liam said. A thousand things crashed together inside of him—anger at Theo getting injured to spare him. He was nothing. He was worthless. Worse, he was bad. Theo was bleeding because of him. Hurt because of him. He was stupid. He should have seen it coming.

‘Hey, hey. Liam. Hey.’ Theo pushed the sweaty hair from Liam’s face as he gulped in hair. He rested his free hand on Liam’s chest.

‘Breathe. Look at me. Do what I do.’ Theo said, taking steady, even breaths. Liam copied him. Heart slowly. Tears coming. Guilt. Shame. Weakness.

Scott was there then, pushing Liam’s hands away so he could clean and cover the wound. The older boy glanced between him and Theo. A curious expression on his face.

‘What did you do?’ Scott asked him. It wasn’t an accusation—he clearly saw what happened with the raccoon. It was more like he was asking what did he do to make Theo move. To step in. But Liam had no answers.

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam felt far away and numb as he looked at the blood splattered on the stone walkway beneath their feet.

‘For what?’ Theo asked.

‘You’re hurt. You got hurt because of me.’

‘This?’ Theo raised his arm a little as Scott worked to fix him up. ‘It’s okay. It’s just skin and muscle. Nothing like real pain. Real pain is…’

Theo looked at Scott.

‘Real pain is worse. Emotional.’ Theo said, gently taking his arm back.

‘Thanks.’

‘It looks okay, but you definitely need to get a shot.’ Scott said.

‘Heard that one before.’ Theo smirked.

‘You okay, Liam?’ Scott asked. Liam nodded. Theo was hurt, but he was okay. There was no way he could let that happen ever again, though. Never. Not to Scott either. Or Mason. Or any of them. He would make sure of it. None of them would ever get hurt because of him. No one would ever bleed in his sake ever again. Especially not Theo, who deserved so much more.

‘Why don’t you sit inside for a minute while I call animal control.’ Scott guided Liam by the shoulder before nudging Theo to take over.

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

Theo was next to him then as they followed Scott inside. Liam looked down at his hands. Red hands. Theo’s blood. So familiar. Except all the sharp, dangerous feelings were pointed inward now—at him. And Liam knew that he deserved them. Every one.

‘It’s okay.’ Theo whispered as he guided Liam into Scott’s house. ‘It’ll all be okay. You’ll see.’

Liam gave him a weak grin. How did Theo know his secret mantra?

‘Animal control is sending someone.’ Scott said, hanging up. He gave Liam a worried look.

‘Dude, we should probably get you home.’ Scott said as he dashed around the room, gathering Liam’s things.

‘In a minute.’ Liam said from the couch. Theo’s arm around his shoulders. Making him feel safe. Like he actually dared to believe the words of the lie he told himself over and over. Day after day. That it would all be okay. It was ending. He knew it. The minute he stepped back into the house where he lived it would all end. And he wouldn’t be himself anymore.

No, that was too easy. He didn’t deserve easy. He looked at Theo’s worried face and tried to force a smile. To show he was okay.

‘Oh, Killer.’ Theo whispered. His finger bit into Liam’s shoulder. Like he could understand a little. Like no one else could. And for the first time in his life, Liam kind of believed that, too.

Chapter Text

‘I’ll drive you. Just wait a minute.’ Scott said as he lingered in the doorway to the emergency room of the hospital. Theo was already inside waiting for his injury to be treated. Liam could make out the vague shape of him through the reflections on the glass doors.

‘It’s okay. I’ll walk.’ Liam forced a smile.

‘Liam… are you really okay?’ Scott asked. The concern on his face was easy to read.

Liam nodded.

‘Time to go home.’ Liam said. He didn’t tell Scott that he was afraid. Didn’t say that if he walked home it would take more time to get there and that he could delay the inevitable a little bit longer.

‘If you need anything, call me. Okay?’

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

‘Maybe next week we can go see Banshee. They’re playing on Tuesday.’

‘Sure. Yeah.’

‘Cool.’ Liam said. He wasn’t prepared for Scott to pull him into a rib-crushing hug. He wrapped his arms loosely around Scott and immediately felt bad. Scott just wanted to help. Like Mason had tried to help him before, until he got tried of it. Scott would probably get tired too. Annoyed. Eventually stepping back. But that was okay. He would manage, because he’d always managed.

The walk home didn’t last long enough. Liam spent the time trying to focus on anything interesting around him. Or watching the people he passed. It had only been a few weeks since he’d been to Chimera’s show for the first time. It felt like a life time ago, like the person he used to be was getting father and farther away. Liam didn’t know how to feel about it. So much of himself was anchored to the bare-bones routine of his life, and now it felt like that had frayed, and he wasn’t sure who he was anymore exactly. Adrift with no anchor. Nothing to hold him in place or define him.

Maybe Theo was right. Maybe it was better to just let everything out and tear it all down. To throw everything into the fire. Except Liam had no idea how to do that. Instead he was left standing with the remains of a life that didn’t belong to him in cupped hands. Unable to move forward with it, but without the tools to start something new and better.

Pattern. Habit. Routine. They had been his safeguards for so long. The only things keeping him on track. He’d turned his back on those things. A single, first step into the unknown. Full of people and things he didn’t understand, or was too slow to pick up on. A place that held his friends, and music, and other wonderful things. And Theo.

Liam’s feet stopped suddenly as he thought of the boy with pink hair. There was such a gulf between them—a thousand miles of thorns and secrets. Theo lived in a different world, and they probably could never be friends, at least not in the way Scott and Theo seemed to have been friends. Even so, Liam felt drawn to the other boy. His life wasn’t important, but he could at least use it to reach out to Theo and protect him if nothing else. A thought that seemed to come from nowhere. Or somewhere deep inside. The hidden place that Liam couldn’t ever get to. Didn’t dare look at.

Liam clutched the iron bars in front of him. The cold of the metal brought him out of his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how he wound up in front of the fence that enclosed the graveyard. Suddenly he felt guilty. He hadn’t visited his grandmother in awhile. He looked up at the sky to find the sun. A quick way to tell the time. Except it was cloudy and there was no way for Liam to tell how late it was, so he didn’t think about it. Instead he entered the graveyard and made his way up the hill to his grandmother’s stone.

Liam sank into the grass and brushed the stone off, clearing small cobwebs from ardent spiders that insisted making it their home. Liam snorted when he pictured his grandmother scolding him for bothering them.

‘I wish you were still here.’ He said with a weak smile.

‘I mean, I know you’re kind of here. With me. But… you know what I mean. It’s hard and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where I’m going and everything feels like it moves so fast. Everyone is so far ahead of me…’ Liam mumbled.

‘I made a friend. I think you’d like him. His name is Scott. He kind of… he looks out for me, I guess. And he’s easy to talk to. Oh! And he used to be in a band!’ Liam smiled.

‘There’s so much I wish I could talk to you about.’ Liam twisted a piece of grass between his fingers.

‘There’s someone else. A… friend. I think. His name is Theo. He’s everything I’m not, but we’re kind of the same in a way I can’t… I can’t explain. Sometimes when I think about him I feel strange. Like I can’t breathe. But I usually manage to calm down. It’s not like before. I’m not angry at all. I don’t get angry anymore. Ever. But Theo… I like thinking about him, but then I see him for real and I think my lungs are going to explode because they forget to breathe. It’s like I forget how… he looks. And moves. I dunno. It confuses me. Everything confuses me. Sometimes I wish it was like how it used to be. With bible study and youth group and volunteering. I know you didn’t like all those things… but they helped me kind of. But now… I don’t know what I need.’ Liam let the wind take the shredded grass from his finger tips. Scattering it.

‘I wish someone would just tell me what to do!’ Liam hissed. The tears were hot on his cheeks, and he clenched his teeth together until it felt like they were going to break. Part of him felt sick for crying, like the tears brought only shame. That only worsened the pain. Refined it. He was disgusted with himself for a hundred reasons. A thousand reasons. He was nothing to any one. Only a burden.

But that’s not what Scott said. That’s not what Theo felt either. The way he held onto Liam. Hugged him. Fingers digging in. Eyes that said more things than words ever could but in a secret language that Liam couldn’t decipher, but knew was important.

‘Holy. Fuck.’ Shame came with the words. Swearing wasn’t allowed. And he was in a graveyard, too. Except his grandmother swore a lot. All the time. There’s no way she would have minded. Liam sighed.

‘I think I’m in big trouble.’ Liam said as he traced his fingers along the edges of cold granite. He knew his grandmother would tell him something. Say something to shake his mind loose and give him a new perspective. Except she wasn’t there to speak the words, and her ghost was strangely silent in his mind as he tried to think of what she might tell him. What wise words would fix all of his problems.

After ten minutes Liam struggled to his feet. One leg had fallen asleep. As he got the blood flowing once more he whispered his goodbye and walked back to the gate. Home was too close and too far all at the same time.

The car was in the driveway when Liam got home. No chance of avoiding his dad then. It didn’t really matter. In a way it was better to just get it over with.

As he opened the door he deliberately let it close with a slight bang—announcing his arrival. There was no need, though. He could see his dad’s figure slouched over the kitchen table. Liam quietly took of his shoes and set them aside before making his way into the kitchen.

The table was covered with notes and papers. A bible. Some pictures and coffee mugs. His dad looked tired, but his dark eyes followed Liam as he settled into the chair across from the nook he’d carved out for himself. Liam’s eyes darted up once. The intensity of the glare was unbearable. It felt like he’d just slipped into dark water and a monster shark was circling him. Looking for any chance to tear him limb from limb.

The creak of the chair told Liam his dad was leaning back slightly. Liam felt the urge to fill the air with words. Any words. To explain. Excuse. Avoid. Words to use like a barrier, as long as he kept talking then his dad wouldn’t be able to say anything. Except it was false. A tactic he’d abandoned a long time ago. It was better to sit and wait and be quiet. Better to keep a low profile and wait for the punishment.

‘Is it drugs?’ The question came as his dad looked back at the paper in front of him, making notes.

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘Booze, then.’

‘No, sir.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Speak up.’ A sharpness in the tone.

‘No, sir.’ Liam repeated, looking up briefly to make sure his volume was acceptable.

‘Then I’m left wondering why my good, obedient son would sneak off and not bother to call home once to let his father know he’s alive and safe.’

‘It was just—‘ Liam hesitated. If he mentioned music, Scott, or anything it would mean they would instantly be cut out of his life. His mind raced to find something, anything, that could satisfy his behaviour and not cost him the small amount of a life he’d gained over the past few weeks.

Liam hung his head. He was bad at lying, but he needed something to offer up an quench the ire hovering over him like a hot iron poker ready to come down heavy and hard.

‘I was down by the tracks.’ Technically true. The silence was permission to continue.

‘I was hanging out with my friend.’ Also not a lie.

‘What’re their names? Where are they from?’

‘Josh. Diaz.’ The guilt of dragging Theo’s friend into his lie flared up instantly. Liam slapped it away and yanked down the levers. Better to be “off” for this.

‘Diaz. From down the river. Past the church.’ His dad said. Liam nodded.

‘Who else?’

‘His friends. I don’t know them.’ Liam said, voice flat.

‘Were you drinking?’ The stern glare was back. This dance Liam knew.

‘No.’ A yes too quickly meant more questions.

‘Don’t lie to me, Liam.’

‘Just beer. And not that much.’ Liam said. The air was thick as he waited to see if his ploy worked. The punishment would be the same, but at least this way there was a chance to preserve what little he had.

Elbows came down on the table as his dad removed his reading glasses.

‘Do you know how many times I had to lie to make up for the fact you weren’t at any of the church functions yesterday. Or this morning?’

Liam bowed his head.

‘Look at me when I’m speaking. Look at me.’ The barbs were out now, and Liam looked up. He was there, and he wasn’t. Detached. Safe. It didn’t matter what happened now, but if he could play the part right the damage would be minimal.

‘Do you think I like lying?’

‘No, sir.’

‘Then why did you make me do it, Liam?’

‘I… I wasn’t thinking.’

‘You weren’t thinking.’

‘No, sir. I’m sorry. Sir.’

‘What’s that?’ The sudden shift in direction caught Liam off guard. He followed his dad’s eyes to his hand. To the nail polish.

Liam slowly curled his fingers into a fist. Before he could fully close it his dad was standing over him, prying his hand open and forcing it flat on the table. The sharp pain jolted Liam and made him hiss softly as his dad pressed down to keep his hand in place while he inspected it.

‘Answer me, Liam. What is that?’

‘Nothing. One of the girls thought it would be funny—‘

‘Nail polish.’ His dad pushed his hand away and stepped back. Pacing like a caged animal. Like he needed to move before he did something quick and sharp.

‘It was a joke!’ Liam said.

His dad held up a hand, lips shaped into a thin line. He pointed at Liam and then shook his head.

‘You’ve been hanging out with faggots.’

A white-hot lance pierced the veil of numbness and Liam was suddenly naked in the middle of a storm.

‘It’s that pervert teacher from school. Derek Hale, isn’t it? They’re in our schools. Teaching our kids god knows what about their… twisted lives, and no one does anything about it.’ His dad’s head shook. Kept shaking. Righteous anger was there now with him. Moving in his shadow. In every step. Liam had seen it before, but it had never been so close to him. Directed at him, or near him.

‘It’s not like that—‘ Liam started.

‘And you… no doubt you encouraged them. You’re too soft, Liam. You have no spine.’ His dad was hovering over him suddenly, arms on either side of Liam.

‘Sometimes you have to knock out a few teeth, son. Especially when it comes to keeping our community safe.’

‘Mr. Hale isn’t like that—‘

‘Bullshit.’

Liam cringed at the tone. The harshness of it. He felt empty. Then suddenly he didn’t. It came to him like a rushing whisper coursing through veins and arteries. Beyond anger, beyond annoyance. Rage. He shot to his feet, arm swinging out and knocking over one of the wooden chairs nearby. As it hit the floor with force, the back snapped, sound filling the room. His dad took a step back, wary look on his face.

‘Do you dare. Don’t you dare. After everything I’ve done, Liam. Remember why your mother left. Remember what’ll happen if you do this again.’ The words had force, but there was a small hint of something else there. Fear. And for some reason is struck Liam as funny. No spine. Killer. Two worlds inside clashing. Except he didn’t laugh, because as quickly as the anger had come, it left him. Sinking into the earth beneath his feet and leaving him hollow once more.

As he sank into his seat he could feel his dad relax. It was the reminder that did it. He’d driven his mother away, even though gram said that wasn’t true. He’d done awful things to people. So many that he couldn’t remember. But his dad did. Knew everything, and still helped him. Maybe this was the best life he could have. Maybe this was where he actually belonged.

‘You’re cleaning the church for two weeks. Top to bottom. Everything.’ His dad said, sitting back down and straightening his papers as if nothing had happened.

‘You’ll help with the youth group, like your duties demand. And you’ll wash that filth off your fingers as soon as we’re done here.’

‘Yes.’

His dad fixed his eyes forward. Unwavering.

Liam looked away.

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Good. I’ll think of how you can help out the church more tomorrow after I pray on it.’

Liam slowly got up. He turned and slid his chair close to the table, looking down at the broken one on the floor.

‘And Liam,’ His dad spoke without looking up from his work, ‘Get a girlfriend.’

Not a choice. A command. A hook ripping deep into his guts and pulling them out for everyone to see.

His dad looked up to find Liam lingering in the middle of the kitchen.

‘Yes, sir.’ He muttered as he walked out of the room and headed for the stairs.

Liam stood at the bathroom sink, listening to the sound of the water running. The mirror had fogged up near the bottom as he scrubbed the nail polish off with steel wool. The tender skin around his fingernails was red and bleeding, but he’d managed to get off a lot of the nail polish. The flecks that remained weren’t that noticeable unless someone looked very close. He’d keep his hand in his pocket until the last of it wore off.

He tried to focus on scrubbing his hands clean so his dad wouldn’t be angry anymore. The sound of the car pulling out of the driveway was a relief, but now that he was alone his mind wandered to the other night when Theo painted the polish on him in the first place. The feel of the other boy’s skin beneath the ripped jeans as Liam’s palm rested on Theo’s knee. Brushing Theo’s hair from his face. A hot feeling inside all at once.

‘You usually call me Killer, though.’ Liam said.

‘Are you?’ Theo asked.

‘What?’

‘A killer?’

‘No. I don’t know. Maybe.’

The roar of the people. The snarl of the music. Brett kissing him. The look in his eyes. The hungry, twisted sneer. Brett mocking him. Causing all of this chaos.

‘Fucking… fucking… fa—‘ Liam bite his tongue hard. Until the metal taste of blood signalled silence. He would not do it. He squeezed the thought out of his mind. Strangled it. Swallowed it and washed it down with his own blood. He would die before he spoke the word. Or let it take root in the corner of his heart that was now his own. Brett was a bastard, but never that. Never that word.

A thought jolted through his mind, of Theo hearing him say it. What would he think? Hot shame and guilt accompanied the disgust Liam had for himself to even let the tip of hate cross his tongue.

Besides, this wasn’t Brett’s fault. This was his fault. He knew this would happen. Knew that the price to pay for spending the night with Scott and Theo would be big. Except it wasn’t really. It was nothing he couldn’t handle. Cleaning. Church. Youth Group. Prayers. All of that was as simple as tying a shoe. It didn’t touch him. Not like the rest of it.

Liam shook his head. It didn’t matter. It was done. He fumbled inside to try and find the switch that would turn everything off, but it was broken. Didn’t work. Which was the thing that frightened him the most. That and the last words. The final command. A girlfriend. An impossible task for a hundred reasons, and not something he’d ever thought about for more than a few seconds over the years. For a second he thought of rebelling. But it was pointless now. This was his place in life. There was no escaping it. Still, if no one wanted to date him, that was entirely different. Though he wasn’t sure his dad would see it the same way.

As Liam held his fingers under cold water his mind kept turning back to thoughts and memories of his mother. Memories of when he was younger. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will them away, but they wouldn’t leave. The walls he’d built had been knocked down in one, swift argument. He needed to do something to patch them up. Cover them over. Because there was no way he was going to be able to continue with the thoughts assaulting his brain like blanket of needles, all seeking the centre.

Scott might—

—no. He would leave Scott out of this. Mason, too. They’d suffered enough from his bad decisions and inability to exist in the world on his own. It was time to grow a spine.

Liam closed his notebook and tucked it into his backpack. He’d caught up on his homework finally. It was hard to focus on the work, and he had to go over it twice just to be sure he was getting everything down. He thought a quick peanut butter sandwich would be a good treat.

The sound of the house phone ringing startled him—it was getting dark outside and his dad still wasn’t home. Probably working most of the night. Which was goo because it meant Liam could relax, at least a little bit.

‘Hello?’ Liam said as he wedged the phone between his shoulder and ear. The peanut butter was on the high shelf and he had to get on his tip toes to get at it.

‘Hey.’ Mason sounded rough.

‘Hi.’ Liam mumbled. He set the jar on the counter and sank into a chair.

‘Your dad around?’

‘No.’ Liam said, ‘Mase, I’m sorry.’

‘What? What for?’ Mason asked.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I know I’m not the smartest person but I promise that I’ll try harder. I just… I don’t want you to be mad at me.’ Liam said.

‘Fuck.’ He could picture Mason pinching his nose like he always did when he was frustrated.

‘Dude, I’m not… I’m not mad at you, okay?’

‘I thought all that stuff I said… You seemed really upset.’ Liam frowned.

‘Yes. I was upset, but I’m not upset with you, okay? You don’t need to apologize. You didn’t no anything wrong at all.’ Mason said.

‘I’m like, mega confused.’ Liam muttered.

‘Look, I’m calling to apologize. Okay?’

‘Okay. You didn’t do anything though.’

‘Shit, Liam. Yes I did.’ Mason sighed, ‘I know you came by the other day to get your stuff from the car. My dad told me. And I know he told you I was having people over today.’

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Liam said as his heart sank like a rock. With everything else demanding his attention he’d forgotten the specific details. And how much they hurt.

‘I wanted to say I’m sorry.’

‘No big deal.’ Liam smiled.

‘Stop. Liam. Okay? Just stop and listen to me and don’t say anything for a minute. Is that okay?’

‘Sure. Okay. I know I can get annoying sometimes.’

‘Fuck! Liam, no! You always pull this shit.’

‘What?’

‘You’re always so down on yourself, man. Cut that shit out.’

‘But I’m just… This is just how I am?’ Liam dug at the edge of the table with his fingernails. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Man, I’m such a screw up. I’m sorry. Again. It just makes me so mad sometimes that you can’t see what a good guy you are. A good person.’

‘I’m not good.’ The words came like reflex, with more force than needed. A flash of shame burned Liam’s cheeks.

‘I’m not good.’ He whispered.

‘You are, dude. But me, well… I’ve been pretty shitty. For a few weeks now. I don’t just mean with the Kira thing.’

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

‘It’s not you I’m mad at. It’s me. Kinda. I got some stuff going on and I’ve been afraid to talk to people about. That’s a lie. I’ve been afraid to talk to you about it.’

‘You’re afraid of me.’ Liam trailed off.

‘No. Not like that. Nothing like that, Liam. We’re cool. Solid. It’s me. Alright? I’ve been figuring some stuff out and I didn’t know how to bring it up. But I was talking to Nolan… Shit this is hard to do over the phone.’

‘Are you breaking up with me? Like as friends?’ Liam grabbed the edge of the table. He knew he was bad but he wasn’t that bad, was he? He’d certainly over stepped a line with talking about Kira and their open relationship, but he didn’t think it was irreparable. But Mason did have a secret group meeting without him. And he didn’t invite him to the barbecue. Had all the signs been there and he didn’t catch them again?

‘Everything is fine.’ Mason said, ‘Or I hope it will be soon.’

‘Alright.’ Liam nodded to himself, mind racing. Turning over every interaction and word he’d said to his friend. Every reaction Mason had. Trying to assure himself that Mason wasn’t lying and that he wasn’t an idiot. To make sure things were what they seemed.

‘Liam, you there?’

‘Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about stuff.’

‘Do you wanna meet up tomorrow so we can sit down and talk? And I can apologize for real? Maybe with a burrito.’ Mason said. Liam’s grin came to life and faded just as quick.

‘I’m kind of in a lot of trouble.’

‘I heard. Well, I heard a few things but… I’ll wait until I can hear them from you if that’s okay.’

‘What… did you hear?’

‘You snuck out. Went to see Chimera. Brett… was there. And you helped Nolan escape the cops.’ Liam could see the smile that had to be on Mason’s face and for a second it felt like they were close again, and none of the stuff that he’d messed up had happened.

‘I guess it was pretty crazy.’

‘Dude! Nolan said you went to bail Theo out of jail.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay. We got lots to go over tomorrow.’

‘I’m kind of cleaning the church tomorrow after service. The whole church.’

‘Well… I’ll help.’ Mason said.

‘Really?’

‘Sure. Unless I’m not allowed.’

‘No!’ Liam blurted, then forced himself to calm down. ‘No, that’s would be cool. I mean it’s cool.’

‘Cool. I’ll be there at 1?’

‘1.30 might be better.’ Liam said.

‘Cool.’

‘Liam?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m glad we’re still friends.’

‘Me too.’ Liam smiled and listened to Mason’s goodbye before hanging up the phone. Mason didn’t hate him after all. At least that was one good thing that was happening. And maybe it came out of the chaos of the past few days, if that was even possible. Still, there were changes to make. But with Mason by his side Liam knew he’d be able to get through whatever happened next.

Chapter Text

After the last of the parishioners left, Liam closed the door. He set the keys on the table next to the coat rack. He’d cleaned the church thoroughly once already, the day after he’d come home after skipping out. The next day his dad was adamant about taking him out of the school. Keeping him home to teach Liam himself. It took a lot of discussion but Liam managed to stay in school only by virtue that there was no time for Liam’s dad to carry out his work as well as teach at the same time. For now he was safe. Still, all the extra work Liam did to appease him was beginning to catch up. It was hard not to fall asleep in class, and Mason had been absent for a few days with the flu. Part of Liam whispered that it was a lie, that Mason hated him. But the larger part, thinking he was telling the truth, won out. Barely.

Which was why Liam was surprised when the door opened again and his best friend was there with a shy smile.

‘Mase?’

‘Told you I’d help you, didn’t I?’

‘Shouldn’t you be in bed or something?’

‘Naw. Worst is past. I feel a lot better, actually.’ Mason held up a coffee. Liam smiled. He liked coffee—as long as there was lots of sugar and cream in it.

‘Thanks.’ Liam took a sip and then realized Mason was hovering in the door.

‘Get inside.’ He closed the door after Mason came in, locking it to be sure anyone would enter while they were busy.

‘So, where do we start?’ Mason rolled up his sleeves.

‘Well I usually start from the top and work my way down. So all the dirt is on the floor and then a good sweep and mop finishes it off.’ Liam smiled. He opened the cleaning closet and got out everything they needed to start. It usually took him hours to clean the church. Sometimes all day, depending on how clean his dad wanted it. With Mason there it would go a lot faster.

At first they didn’t talk, except for Liam giving instructions or tips on how to clean different areas. Mason kept looking at him, like he was expecting something. Or maybe he was waiting for Liam to say something, except Liam wasn’t entirely sure what to say. So they cleaned in silence. After an hour and a half they’d tackled the majority of the cleaning, mostly thanks to the fact Liam had already gone over the place by himself once.

Mason wiped the sweat from his face with the hem of his t-shirt and sank into one of the folding chairs they had to put back into storage.

‘Done! Finally.’ Mason smiled.

‘Yeah, time for a break.’ Liam pulled out the lunch he’d packed himself earlier. Sandwiches and some pears. He set some out to share with Mason.

‘Break?’

‘Yeah. Lunch!’ Liam finished his sandwich in three bites.

‘But… we’re done.’ Mason said. Liam swallowed his food and tapped his knee a few times as he looked for the words, but his stomach was insisting he get back to eating so he grabbed another half sandwich and beckoned Mason over to the door.

Liam opened the door and stepped aside, scarfing down his food as Mason’s eyes widened. The pews, the pulpit, the huge windows. Liam was used to it, but clearly Mason didn’t think they’d be cleaning the actual inside of the church itself.

‘But the other part we cleaned…’

‘Just the vestry.’ Liam said, ‘And the kitchen. Got to do this part, too!’

Mason looked crestfallen. Liam felt bad—it was one thing to accept help, but another when someone didn’t fully understand what they were getting into.

‘You can take off.’ Liam wiped his hand on his pants and closed the door.

‘That would be pretty shitty of me.’ Mason sat down at the table and picked at the sandwich Liam had set out for him. More than once Mason had been happy Liam always packed an excessive amount of food to eat.

Liam sat opposite his friend. He picked at his finger nails. He wasn’t sure what to do with Mason. It felt like things were a bit better, but there was still a cloud hovering over them that needed to be addressed. Was he supposed to say something to make it better? He was awful at giving speeches or sorting out the things inside and putting them into sentences. At this rate they’d be hanging around forever. What would Scott do, if he were in Liam’s place?

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam said. Mason opened his mouth with an annoyed look, probably to tell Liam to quit saying he was sorry. But it was hard when Liam actually was sorry most of the time, for a variety of reasons.

‘I mean, I’m sorry I pried into things with you and Kira. I just… I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to ummm “out” her. But I didn’t want you to get hurt. If I knew you guys were opened up or whatever, I wouldn’t have said anything.’

‘An open relationship you mean.’

‘Yeah.’

‘We’re not. Kira and I. We don’t have an open relationship.’

‘But you said…’

‘I kind of lied.’

Liam frowned. ‘I don’t understand. So she was cheating on you?’

‘No.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam mumbled.

‘No dude, I’m sorry. This is my fault. I should have told you about all the stuff that was going on. Is going on.’

‘What stuff?’

‘I just… it’s a bit hard. And I was kind of afraid of people finding out.’ Mason said, then hung his head. ‘Sorry. That’s a lie, too.’

Mason looked up at him.

‘I was afraid of you finding out.’

‘Me? Why?’

‘Because of… how you grew up. And how your dad is. And this place.’ Mason looked around at the recently-cleaned vestry.

‘Because I’m a church freak.’ Liam shook his head, ‘But you know I wouldn’t think you’re bad. Ever. Like… Unless you’re murdering people. It’s not murdering people is it?’

‘No. Not that.’

‘Then it’s okay.’

‘Liam, it’s easy to say that one second and then react differently another. I’m not as brave as you.’

‘I’m not brave.’

‘You’re a lot of things, dude. Just trust me here, okay?’

Liam nodded. If it kept the conversation going he would be quiet. This reminded him of the old conversations he used to have with Mason, talking about anything and everything. Mason knew so much and was always dropping the strangest facts in front of Liam. Liam was sure if they never became friends, he wouldn’t be anything like the person he’d become now. He missed these moments. But at the same time it felt like Mason was really wrestling with something.

‘Let’s change the topic for a second.’ Mason said.

‘Okay.’

‘Nolan said you helped him out the other night.’

‘Yeah. I think I might have scared him a bit.’

‘He’s okay. A bit freaked out, though. I guess he was pretty mad?’

‘Yeah. He thought that I was trying to steal Brett? Or make a move or something because he kissed me during the show.’ Liam said.

‘Why did he kiss you?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam mumbled as he picked at the edge of the table.

‘Did it freak you out?’

Liam nodded. He hadn’t been expecting the kiss at all. There’d been such force and animosity behind it, and in front of all those people. The worst part had been when he tried to pull away he couldn’t.

‘Because he’s a guy?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam said, ‘It wasn’t that… It was, he didn’t let me go. Or ask. Or anything.’

‘Oh. That’s shitty.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Sorry.’

’S’ok.’

‘So… Nolan and Brett might be a thing.’ Mason said.

‘Yeah I saw them together a few times, and then they were kissing at the show, too. Plus afterwards I was the reason Nolan was so mad.’

‘That’s okay with you?’

‘You mean am I upset they’re gay?’

Mason nodded.

‘No. I mean, I know what my dad says. I know what the church says, too. But… it’s Nolan. How can he be bad at all? Ever? I think it’s good he’s happy. Unless he’s not happy.’

‘I’m pretty sure being with Brett would launch Nolan over the moon and into deep space.’ Mason smiled.

‘Good.’ Liam smiled back. As long as Brett didn’t try to kiss him again suddenly, or yell at him. Or hit him. None of those.

‘So you’re okay with that?’

‘Sure.’ Liam nodded.

‘Cool.’

‘Is that what you were afraid to tell me? That Kira is gay and with that drummer and you’re just like… being her boyfriend to protect her?’

Mason laughed.

‘Dude if anyone is protecting anyone, Kira is protecting me. Girl is unstoppable when she sets out do something.’

‘So what then? I still don’t get it.’

‘I asked Kira to go out so people wouldn’t talk.’

‘About you.’

‘Yeah.’

Liam frowned. He’d been away from Mason so long he felt entirely out of the loop. Maybe if he was Danny or Nolan or Corey he’d have an idea of what was up. Corey especially since he was around Mason the most…

Liam looked at his friend. Was that it? Was Mason with Corey and covering it up because he was afraid what people would think? No. Afraid of what Liam would think, since he said it himself that this was all about being afraid around Liam. The other night at the show Nolan seemed to struggle with similar things, except it was offset by anger. And when Nolan asked if Liam was okay with him being gay…

It made sense though. Corey was always near Mason. Or sneaking off with him. Coming to school with him. Smiling.

Liam thought back to all the time he’d seen them together, leaning on each other. Casually touching hands together, or legs. Corey blushing. Eyes darting away from each other in public.

‘Corey’s your boyfriend.’

‘Yeah.’ Mason said after a minute of silence.

‘You were afraid I’d… that I wouldn’t handle it well.’

‘Not like that. You’d never do that to me, we’re friends.’ Mason said.

What was he supposed to say? Mason was afraid he would flip out if he found out that he had a boyfriend. His own best friend was afraid that Liam might hurt him. Even if he was denying it, Liam knew it was true. It was the only explanation for the edge to Mason’s attitude towards him for the past weeks. Months maybe. Slowly hedging away and hiding things. All because he was afraid.

‘Liam?’

‘I’d never hurt you, Mase.’

‘I know.’

‘No. I mean, I want to say that. But I don’t know if it’s true.’ Liam turned to his friend, ‘Sometimes, I get so mad. I get SO mad. I dunno what I’m doing. And I thought I had it kinda under control but I’m not so sure now. It’s like… this thing comes up inside of me and grabs hold tight. Squeezes me. And I barely escape it. I can’t really explain—‘

‘Liam, I know.’

Liam shook his head. Mason didn’t know. How could he? Liam was terrible with words, and explaining things. He wanted to tell Mason that it was okay to be afraid of him, that is was a good thing. It meant Mason was on the look out. Cautious. Even though it hurt to think someone he cared about was always tinged with fear whenever he came to mind, it put Liam at ease knowing that there was less risk of him actually hurting Mason. Or the other people around them. Maybe Theo was right when he called him Killer.

‘So you’re okay then? With Corey and me?’ Mason asked.

Liam nodded. If Mason was happy, he was happy.

'Do you love him?' Liam asked.

'Damn, dropped that outta no where.' Mason gave a nervous chuckle.

'I dunno. I like him. He's cute. When he smiles it makes me smile, and I always want to be around him, you know? He gets me. Sometimes more than I get myself I think, it's creepy! And he listens to me. And the sex-- oh shit! Sorry... you probably don't really wanna hear about that.' Mason rubbed the back of his head.

Liam watched Mason's face open up as he spoke about Corey. How the other boy made him feel. Was that what love was? What it was like when you had a crush on someone? A nagging voice at the back of his head tried to get his attention. He snuffed it out and laughed along with his friend.

‘Does that mean you’re gonna all stop sneaking around now?’ Liam asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Nothing. Just… I know I’m not smart—‘

‘Liam, if you come down on yourself one more time I will hold you upside down for an hour.’

Liam narrowed his eyes. Mason was joking, he was pretty sure. Sometimes it was hard to read but Mason was usually fairly clear with his body language.

‘You’re not strong enough to lift me upright.’ He took a risk joking back. Even before he found out if he’d said the right thing part of him was flushed with embarrassment that might not even exist.

Mason laughed. A clear, clean sound that banished all of the fuzzy, thick feelings from Liam’s mind.

‘Well I’d hire Danny and maybe Scott to do it.’

‘Are they gay too? Well, I mean Scott is pansexual. So I guess he can’t be gay, too? Since it wouldn’t make sense. Or can you be both?’

‘You know about Scott?’ The heavy tone in Mason’s voice told Liam there was something behind the words that led to a deeper place. Things he didn’t know.

‘He told me he was pansexual when I saw Kira and…’

‘Malia.’ Mason gave a gentle nod.

‘When I saw them together. And I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to get her in trouble for being… how she is. But I didn’t want you to be hurt.’

‘Shit, dude.’

‘What?’

‘I’m a fucking prick.’ Mason smiled.

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said, stopping just before he apologized for another thing that had nothing to do with him. Mason looked at him expectantly.

‘Ummm, I guess go home and stand on your head for an hour and we’ll be even.’ What a stupid thing to say, but before Liam could curse himself, Mason smiled again. Small, but reassuring. Like any bad feelings that were left had started to mend and heal.

‘Okay. Let’s get back to work.’ Liam stood up and pushed his sleeves back.

‘I’m starting to regret saying I’d help.’

Another joke. Liam smiled.

‘If you ever took up my dad’s offer to come to church you would’ve known how big it was.’

‘Yeah. I think I’ll be able to manage.’ Mason rolled his eyes and grabbed the cleaner. It was going to be another couple of hours before they were done.

Liam peddled up the hill with all the strength he could muster. It had been a hard few days. He’d done double his normal chores and duties, which meant there was little time left to do anything, especially sneak out. Scott had called a few times but Liam had avoided speaking to him directly. Scott might talk him out of what he planned to do, and there was no way Liam could let that happen. He’d worked too hard to lay the foundations of things in his mind, not to mention working out the possible scenarios to make sure if things went wrong he’d be able to escape somehow. He had so much energy lately that it was hard to focus on things. Even after doing all of his work at home and the church he took to biking to burn off anything left over. Usually he just snaked through various streets, taking random twists and turns until he was too tired to move. But today he found himself going somewhere, though he wasn’t sure where until he stopped outside of the small Chinese restaurant where Theo worked.

His heart hammered as he tried to cool off, but his mind leapt to thoughts of the pink-haired singer. How his eyes could go from soft to sharp as a knife in an instant. The tattoos on his neck. His chest. His lips.

Liam shook his head. Those thoughts never helped. Especially now. He needed to focus on the task at hand. He’d catch his breath and turn around to head home in a second. The last time he was here Theo had pretended that they were boyfriends to get out of work. And they ate together. And Theo got his bike back.

He shook his head—he definitely shouldn’t be there. A loud purr interrupted his thoughts as a furry head bumped against his leg. Liam blinked and watched the cat rub against him, looking for attention. The same cat that Theo secretly fed behind the back.

‘Norman?’ Liam asked. The cat sat on its haunches, tail swaying behind it and it gave a wide-eyed stare. Liam reached down and scratched the cat behind the ears. It purred and leaned into the touch.

‘Should I be jealous?’ Liam almost fell over when he saw Theo lingering in the doorway of the restaurant.

‘I was just… I’ll go.’

‘Hold on.’ Theo darted into the building. Liam hovered—he could probably take off while Theo was gone. It would be the best thing to do before he said something stupid or made the punk hate him. Except he found himself waiting, even when he knew it was the stupidest thing he could do.

Theo was holding a bag of take-out when he emerged. He made a grand gesture and flashed a smile.

‘You can escort me home.’

‘Okay.’

Liam got off his bike and walked along side Theo. The older boy was humming softly—something Liam couldn’t quite make out, but it was still relaxing. Every few feet he’d glance over at Theo, but otherwise they walked in silence, except for the humming.

‘How’s your arm?’

‘Had to get a shot. And stitches.’ Theo held up the arm with a simple bandage. Still healing.

‘But you… you’re okay?’ Liam didn’t know how to ask the question that came to mind. The reason behind Theo’s actions.

‘Are you asking if I’ll be scarred for life? Yes. Literally.’ Theo flashed a grin, ‘If you’re asking if I turn into a were-raccoon every full moon now, well, we’ll have to wait and see.’

Liam shook his head. Who ever heard of a were-raccoon? But it was good to hear Theo joke. The bruises and cuts from the show were mostly healed at least. Liam didn’t realize how much panic and worry it caused to see Theo so beat up until now. The shame followed quickly, like he’d caught himself doing something stupid and awful.

‘Your dad lay into you?’ Theo asked.

‘No. Kinda. He didn’t hit me.’ The words drew a sharp look from Theo. ‘He doesn’t hit me. He just… I need discipline.’

‘I’ve heard that before.’ Theo muttered. They continued in silence.

The sun was pleasant, and the sky was clear. As they came to a small park Theo stopped and waved Liam over.

‘Is this a shortcut?’ Liam asked.

‘Long way. But it has a nicer view.’ Theo pointed at the trees and benches around them. Liam would admit it was nicer than some of the dilapidated buildings lining the street, or the shattered pavement.

‘What kind of music do you listen to?’ Theo asked.

‘Oh. All kinds. Whatever Mason or Scott give me.’

‘Scott.’ Theo said the name as if he was tasting it for the first time. He gave Liam a curious glance and then kept walking.

‘Do you know any older music?’

‘Yeah, some. I mean, I don’t know what all the songs are called but I remember some of them.’

‘What about this one?’ Theo tapped out a beat on his thigh, then turned to Liam.

‘Beer and wine does me fine but it doesn’t always do. When I get back up and dust off, I always come back to you.’ Theo’s voice was soft. Eager.

‘I—‘ Liam shut his mouth when Theo shook his head and kept going.

‘I’m my own man, with my own plan. I can’t do the things you want me to.’ Theo smirked, ‘I’m kinda lazy and I kinda stink, but I’ll clean myself up for you.’

Liam’s heart was pounding now, and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because Theo was so close to him. Singing to him.

‘I don’t think I know that song.’

Theo looked frustrated, then snapped his fingers and let out a large breath.

‘Wanna try something else?’ Theo swung his arms wide as he walked, as if warming up for a big event.

‘Okay.’

‘Throw the line back at me. Then just say yes. Okay?’

Liam didn’t know what that meant but he heard Theo humming louder now, as if he was working out a song. Suddenly he stopped and turned to Liam with a mischievous grin.

‘On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?’

Liam blinked. Lyrics from an old song that Mason had talked about for a good twenty minutes. All Liam remembered was “not punk”.

Theo turned away. Disappointed probably. The nagging voice in his head was back, echoing Mason's words.

He's cute. When he smiles it makes me smile.

‘On a hot summer night, would you… offer your throat to the wolf. With the red roses?’ Liam fumbled through it.

I always want to be around him.

‘Will he offer me his mouth?’ Theo glanced over at him. Liam blushed when he remembered his part.

‘Yes.’ Liam’s tongue felt too large suddenly. He could barely talk.

He listens to me.

‘Will he offer me his teeth?’ Theo smiled wide, showing off his own teeth.

‘Yes.’ Liam was blushing hard now.

I like him.

‘Will he starve without me?’ Theo was closer now, eyes sparking. Shining. Trying to will something into existence.

Liam looked away, twisting his fingers into a knot and forcing down with all the pressure he could. The pain cut through the confusion like a knife.

Theo laughed suddenly, and then Liam felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. Pulling him close. A jolt went through him—it felt like Theo was saying two things. Six things. More than just some goofy song lyrics Liam didn’t understand. But he was too tangled up inside to sort it out.

‘Sorry. I was just fucking with you.’ Theo smiled. He squeezed Liam’s shoulder. The strange feeling settled in his limbs. Warm and wanting. He tried to will it away, like water evaporating in the face of flame.

‘That’s a weird song.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I like your songs better.’

‘My songs?’

‘Punk songs.’

‘They’re not mine. Mostly. I mean, I have stuff I wrote but… I mean I don’t think anyone actually knows the lyrics.’

‘Because you’re loud?’

‘Liam, you’re the kindest person I know. I’m not loud. I scream. Hell, half the time I chew on the mic.’ Theo chuckled.

‘Well I like it.’

They left the park and turned down the road. Liam realized they were in the neighbourhood Theo led him to when they got his bike back. He knew Theo lived somewhere near, but didn’t know exactly where. Did he have parents? Siblings? Or did he live alone? Would he invite Liam in? What was he supposed to do if that happened?

‘I can’t see much of a future…’ Theo said. Liam was about to ask what he meant before he realized Theo was singing a new song.

‘Unless we find out what’s to blame, what a shame.’ Theo threw his head back and looked up at the sky.

‘And we won’t be together much longer,’ Theo looked over at Liam as his normal voice returned and the melody bled away, ‘Unless we realize that we’re the same.’

Liam opened his mouth, but no words came. He closed it and focused on walking his bike. What did Theo mean? Something about being the same. They were the same. Maybe he felt that, too? They were different, too, though. In a way Liam had a hard time defining. Everything about Theo confused him, but at the same time made him want more and more.

They came to a stop in front of an old brick building that looked like it needed to be scrubbed down and hosed off.

‘This is me.’ Theo said as they walked to a door on the side. Theo pushed his hair back and glanced at the door, like he was trying to decide something. Before he could do anything, the door swung open and a very tired-looking Brett greeted them. His black eye and busted nose were not healing as fast and he had a look on his face that Liam almost thought was sympathy. It was gone in a flash, replaced by Brett’s signature sneer.

‘What are you doing here?’ Liam managed.

‘I live here.’

‘Oh.’

‘Hey, it’s the Killer.’ Movement caught his eye and he noticed Josh standing at the open door.

‘Hey.’ Liam said. Josh turned to Theo and snatched the takeout from under his arm.

‘Thanks for supper babe.’ Liam watched as Josh pulled Theo in for a kiss. A deep kiss. Definitely not the first time. A creeping numbness wrapped itself around Liam like a cloak as he waited for the couple to finish.

‘Why don’t you wait inside?’ Theo whispered. Josh leaned in for another kiss, but Theo took him gently by the arms.

Josh frowned and stormed into the apartment.

‘Liam, stay right here. Please. I’ll be right back.’ Theo took several steps forward in stunned silence before a dark look settled over his features. Liam couldn’t hear what he was saying to Josh but he clearly wasn’t happy.

A loud bang came from inside as Josh started to yell.

‘You should probably go.’ Brett glanced over his shoulder.

‘Okay.’ Liam started to walk away.

‘Liam!’ Brett started to step out, then stopped.

‘Nevermind.’

The door closed and Liam exhaled. He jumped on his bike and shot off down the hill beside the house, back the way he came. He whipped down the slope, gaining speed. Normally going so fast would scare him, but right now all he felt was the wind in his hair.

This was good. This was better. He had to focus on himself now. What did he care if Theo was boyfriends with Josh. It was fine. Gay people were fine. And Brett. Theo’s roommate. Was that why he hadn’t wanted to go home the night they stayed at Scott’s? It didn’t matter. All of it was out of his hands.

The hill tapered out. The ground became flat and even. The speed fell away, and with it the shadows caught up and pooled around him again. Liam did his best to tune out his thoughts. To ignore them. But his old tricks didn’t work for very long, and it was only a matter of time until they stopped working altogether.

Liam got off his bike and walked it to a small bridge overlooking the river. Theo didn’t owe him anything. Except Liam felt like maybe there was something… No. That had been all in his head, like most things. Imagined. Stupid. Not even on the table. Just people being nice to him and him hoping for… what?

The wetness on his cheek made Liam think it was going to rain, except there were no clouds. The sun was starting to sink, but still clear. The tears confused him. He hated them. He hated everything. All of it. The grip of rage made his stomach turn. He tried to shake it off. Lists, numbers, jokes, songs—anything to hold on to. Ground him. Anchor him.

He wanted to laugh when all he could picture were green eyes and pink hair. But nothing came out.

Chapter Text

‘Liam, did you hear me?’

Liam looked up from his desk. Mr. Hale was staring at him from the front of the room behind black rimmed glasses.

‘Sorry.’ Liam mumbled.

‘It’s fine. Nolan can you pass out the readings.’ Mr. Hale went back to his desk.

Liam held his pencil and focused on the black “HB” on the side. He turned it over in his fingers, feeling each side. The urge came suddenly and he found himself increasing his grip—the pencil snapped in two loudly.

Liam glanced up at Nolan who stood in front of his desk with a worried expression.

‘Sorry.’

‘You okay?’ Nolan put a worksheet on Liam’s desk but paused before moving to the next student.

Liam nodded and kept his head down. The past few days had been difficult. He’d successfully pushed every distraction out of his life. Everything that reminded him directly of Theo was gone. Unfortunately that meant Scott, and sneaking out to any shows. He’d managed to keep hanging around Mason and the others for the time being, but it was only a matter of time until they started to ask him what was wrong. Because even though Liam was doing his best to appear normal, he knew that he was acting anything but. So far they’d given him space, but the look on Nolan’s face told him it wasn’t going to last.

Liam scratched down what answers he knew onto the worksheet, then mulled the harder ones over. Thankfully his avoidance of all things Theo and Theo-related had freed up a lot of his time. He spent it studying and focusing on the church, much to his father’s pleasure. He’d aced several tests, and the tight leash around his neck had finally been relaxed as his father turned back to dealing with whatever urgent matter was consuming the inner circle of the church.

As he worked with the short half of his pencil, Liam kept thinking of the way Theo looked when he was singing. The way his eyes always seemed to find him. Hold him. What did it all mean? Nothing. Then why was he so upset when Josh had been there, with him. Like that. Liam chewed his lip. It was because—

No. Theo said they were alike. That wasn’t true. Liam was Liam. He wasn’t anything like the lead singer of Chimera. He never would be. The more Theo occupied his mind the more confused Liam became. Best to turn away from that and focus on the future. Good grades. Graduation. Seminary studies. The path his father had laid out years ago.

Except that didn’t fit anymore either. The buzzer went off and Liam found himself gripping the edge of his desk as the other students got up to head to lunch. He exhaled and let his shoulders relax. What would Theo think if he saw Liam like this? The teen shook his head, anger returning at the unending thoughts of the pink-haired punk.

‘Liam, hang back a second.’ Mr. Hale said as he waved at the last of the other students. He closed the door and leaned on his desk as he looked at Liam.

‘Am I in trouble?’

Mr. Hale pushed his fingers under his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

‘No. I’m just… trying to decide if I should leave something alone or not.’ The teacher grumbled.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Liam, your dad… You’re a good kid. You have a big heart. And I know you go to your father’s church regularly, but Mason and Nolan tell me that you’ve recently become more openminded recently.’

‘Openminded?’ Liam tilted forward in his chair.

‘Mason and Nolan are gay, yeah?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘Is this about how you’re going out with that guy… Stiles?’

The look of surprise on his teachers face made Liam blush and look away.

‘Did your dad tell you that? None of those rumours are remotely true. I—‘

‘Scott told me.’

‘McCall? Scott McCall?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam said.

‘Oh.’

‘And I didn’t just start getting “openminded”.’ Liam crossed his arms.

‘Sorry. Just with your dad and the church I thought—‘

‘I’m not my dad.’ Liam snarled. The anger was there suddenly, far bigger than he’d thought it would be.

‘Sorry.’ Mr. Hale said, but he kept his eyes fixed on Liam’s. Not backing down. The anger swirled and settled—still there but simmering.

‘You keep talking about my dad. Did he do something?’ Liam tried to relax his shoulders.

‘Not directly.’

Liam kept staring at the teacher. There was no way he was going to let it drop. His friends were all he had left after he found out Theo… He needed to protect them. Especially from his father. Sometimes that meant keeping a distance. Sometimes that meant pushing back. And Liam was feeling very much like pushing back right now.

‘Your congregation have been very vocal about their views on LGBTQ people, and while I’m glad you have more empathy and understanding than they do, it’s started to become a problem. For me, personally. Well, for Stiles and me to be exact.’ Mr. Hale set his glasses on the desk. Liam sank the edge of his tooth into the inside of his lip—Stiles and Scott were like brothers. Scott was his friend. The idea that anyone would mess with them made Liam grip the sides of his chair tightly.

‘I guess you’ll hear sooner or later, but among other things your church has made some insinuations that my relationship with Stiles is inappropriate.’

‘Scott said you just started going out.’

‘Yes, but he was a student here once.’

‘Two years ago. And he was never in your class!’ Liam said. Why was he so angry with Mr. Hale? He should be angry with his father. With the entire church. Except they had been there when his mom left. When everything fell apart. Confusion mixed with the flames and Liam felt stuck.

‘It doesn’t matter. To them gay people… well, there’s no love lost there. I’ve told the administration about it, and I’ve been very clear with them from day one. We have nothing to hide.’

‘So why are you telling me?’

‘Liam,’ Mr. Hale sat in the empty desk beside him, ‘You’re too close to this not to get dragged into it. If we’re unlucky things might get hard for us all. You’re going to be caught in some difficult decisions.’

‘That’s it?’ Liam asked. There was too much bite in his tone. He could tell from how Mr. Hale moved away slightly.

‘Liam, is there something bothering you?’

‘No.’ Yes.

‘I know you and Mason are tight. Maybe you should talk to him about it if something is wrong.’ Mr. Hale’s smile was encouraging.

‘I can’t.’ The words escaped before he could catch them. He looked up quickly, but found the same calm, patient expression that Scott would use when they were talking.

‘What?’ The teacher asked after he saw Liam smile slightly.

‘You just reminded me of Scott for a second.’

Mr. Hale nodded.

‘Well maybe you can talk to Scott.’

Liam shook his head.

‘I just…’ Liam licked his lips. It was hard enough to try and understand the feelings that were racing around inside of him all the time, but to put them into words was harder.

‘Everyone thinks I’m a freak. And I kind of am. But with Mason and Nolan and everyone, I feel kinda more ok. Like I can be me. Even though they were sneaking around without me. And I think they’re still doing it, but maybe that’s all just in my head. And then Theo…’ Liam looked down. Why did saying his name out loud hurt so much?

‘Theo… Theo Raeken?’

‘You know him?’ Liam managed.

‘Stiles and Scott do.’ Mr. Hale’s expression changed from relaxed to stern. Worried.

‘Liam, did he do something to you? Hurt you?’

‘No.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Did he do anything inappropriate? Is that why you’re upset?’ Mr. Hale asked.

‘He would never do that!’ Liam snarled. He registered the clatter as the desk crashed into the ground. He didn’t even realize he’d flipped it. He was on his feet now, chest heaving.

‘Liam, calm down.’ Mr. Hale was a few feet away, yet somehow he still seemed calm. Unafraid. Not like his dad. Or his mom.

The teacher’s large hand came to rest on Liam’s shoulder. He could feel the warmth of Mr. Hale’s palm through the fabric of his t-shirt. His face wasn’t angry as he looked at Liam. It was worried. Not for his own safety, but for him. For Liam.

The anger drained out of him suddenly and Liam felt restless and hollow, but stiff and unable to move at the same time.

‘I want to hate him so bad but I can’t. I can’t’ Liam’s voice was a torn whisper.

‘I’m sorry if I upset you.’ Mr. Hale guided Liam back to an empty chair.

‘Why would you say those things?’ Liam asked. The chambers of his heart were empty of rage, but now something else was filling him up.

‘It’s not my… Theo has a reputation in your circles. In a few circles.’

That didn’t seem right. Not Theo, who fed the stray cat behind his work secret scraps. Or that got his bike back. Or sang to him like he was the only person in the world.

‘I don’t believe it.’ Liam shook his head.

‘There was an accident when he was younger and he had a difficult time adjusting. He started acting up and treating people badly.’

‘Scott?’ Liam looked up at his teacher.

‘You’ll have to ask him about it yourself.’ Mr. Hale said.

‘Maybe… maybe we are the same.’ Liam looked at the empty palms of his hands.

Mr. Hale shifted in his seat. The air was heavy all of a sudden, and Liam felt the thin edge of tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

‘Liam, do you and Theo—‘

‘I’m not like that.’ The words came as reflex, and fear made him use them as a shield. A weapon. A shelter.

The look on the man’s face told him that he saw through everything. Saw through it all directly to the hidden parts of his heart that he didn’t even dare look. Liam shook then, ready to be torn apart.

‘Alright.’ Spoken with warmth. Understanding. But understanding of what Liam didn’t know exactly.

‘Alright.’ A second time to cement whatever Mr. Hale was trying to tell him. Something Liam was too tangled up to process.

Liam looked away and wiped his eyes as quickly as possible. His cheeks burned with embarrassment as Mr. Hale picked up the desk and chairs he’d knocked over.

‘Do you want to eat lunch here?’

Liam nodded. He kept his eyes down and pulled out the lunch he’d made the night before. Mason would bug him later about missing lunch, but Liam felt like if he took a step outside of the room the way he was right now, he’d fall apart. And it was all because of Theo Raeken.

‘Liam!’ Nolan yelled and waved.

Liam was surprised to find so many people waiting around his bike. Classes had finished and he usually went straight home to do his homework, but today he’d managed to work through all of it in Mr. Hale’s room at lunch. It looked like a small army of teens had gathered, waiting for something. Nolan, Mason, Corey, Kira, Danny, and a boy that Liam didn’t recognize.

‘What’s going on?’ Liam asked.

‘We’re waiting.’ Kira said without looking up from her phone.

‘For what?’

‘For you.’ Nolan beamed.

‘But I—‘ Liam stopped when he caught the glare on Mason’s face. He had promised to try not to be so down on himself, but it was hard to tell when those times were without Mason’s scowl or light swat on the arm.

‘Thanks. You didn’t have to.’ Liam smiled as big as he was able to. It was enough to satisfy Nolan who spun around and shoved a strange boy forward.

‘Hi?’ Liam blinked.

‘This is Ethan.’ Nolan announced. ‘He’s Danny’s boyfriend.’

Liam shook Ethan’s hand. Something that seemed strangely formal, but relieved Liam. He knew the protocol when someone wanted to shake hands.

‘One of them.’ Ethan quipped.

‘One of what?’ Liam asked.

‘Oh… boyfriends. One of Danny’s boyfriends.’ Ethan said. Liam blinked and then looked at Danny. The rest of the group seemed to be holding their breath. Liam frowned a bit—it never occurred to him three people could be in a relationship. Or four? More?

‘You’re allowed to have more than one?’ He asked.

‘Only Jackson.’ Ethan smiled. He was clearly amused at the reactions from everyone.

‘So you, Danny, and Jackson are all boyfriends.’ Liam pointed at the newcomer.

‘Yup.’

‘And they both know that.’

‘Yes.’

‘Doesn’t it get…’

‘Annoying? Yeah. Jackson is a bastard and Danny is not-so-secretly a teddybear. I always end up playing peace keeper.’ Ethan sighed.

‘I was gonna ask if it confusing when you wanted to split the bill. But okay.’ Liam nodded. Without meaning to his mind immediately applied the situation to him and Theo and Josh, making him frown. He did not want to be boyfriends with Theo and Josh. Not even remotely. But if it worked for Ethan, Danny, and Jackson, it was cool.

Liam unchained his bike. He glanced over at Mason, who had his fingers entwined with Corey’s. Corey noticed Liam’s gaze and tried to pull away, but Mason held him fast. Liam gave an embarrassed smile before freeing his bike.

‘We’re going bowling.’ Mason said, ‘You should come.’

‘I dunno…’

‘We invited a few other people. People you might like!’ Nolan smiled.

‘Who?’ Liam asked as they headed towards the sidewalk.

‘Scott. Stiles.’ Nolan counted on his fingers, ‘Hayden.’

‘I guess I could go home and change.’

‘No time.’ Kira waved the thought off. ‘I do not want to get stuck in the stupid middle lane.’

‘I got some spare jeans and stuff in the car.’ Mason told him.

‘You in?’ Corey asked, eyes wavering between holding Liam’s gaze and darting away.

He didn’t feel like bowling. He didn’t feel like anything. Liam just wanted to go home and lie on the floor and look at the ceiling. It was so much easier than talking to people, even if they were his friends. He’d scared Mr. Hale earlier and he didn’t want that to happen again.

Except that was a lie. He didn’t scare Mr. Hale. He’d scared himself. Still, that burning anger wasn’t there anymore. At least not in the same way. Mostly he felt tired. Nothing threatening about that at least.

‘Sure.’ Liam said. They all started to walk down the sidewalk to the parking lot.

‘So what are you guys called then?’ Liam asked Danny.

‘Gay?’

Liam looked away.

‘I have never seen someone turn so red so fast.’ Ethan observed.

‘That’s our Liam!’ Nolan beamed in a way that made Liam think he’d gotten into a metric ton of sugar again.

‘I mean… like Mason and Corey are a couple,’ Liam said as the slight awkwardness surfaced and then faded away, ‘so are you guys a triple?’

‘Most people say throuple.’ Kira blew a huge bubble with her chewing gum before biting it out of the air.

‘That sounds weird.’ Nolan said.

‘Triple sounds weird too.’ Danny pointed out.

‘What about a triad?’ Liam said.

‘Isn’t that like the Chinese mafia?’ Corey asked from Mason’s side.

‘Not exactly. But kinda?’

‘I like it.’

‘You can be a triad when you get two boyfriends, Nolan.’ Danny nudged the boy, almost making him topple over.

‘Just one will be fine. For now.’ Nolan smiled.

Liam felt something warm as he walked with them to the car to get a change of clothes, and then on to the bowling alley. Part of him still felt distant, like he wasn’t even there. Another part was buried in a place he couldn’t reach. But he was fine. He would endure and continue. Because there was no other choice.

Liam watched his ice cream melt. How did he end up in this situation? Nolan was whipping everyone into a frenzy as they broke into teams at the bowling alley. Worse, everyone seemed to be into it. A few days ago he’d be excited too, but not everything felt pointless. Even the ice cream tasted empty. He was about to ask Mason about Theo when Nolan turned into the life of the party and everyone started to have fun. He’d just ruin things if he said something at this point. Better to go along with it and pretend to have fun with the rest of them.

To make matters complicated Scott and Stiles showed up. Stiles was talking a mile a minute and Scott kept giving Liam hurt looks. Liam felt like it was only a matter of time before someone poked him enough to make him spill everything and he didn’t want that. Especially since he didn’t know what was in him to spill exactly. Things he didn’t want to know or think about. And how would they react when they all clearly hated Theo? Stiles especially. But the rest of them, too. Nolan seemed to be easily shaken up whenever Theo was mentioned. Maybe he’d crossed the boy somehow. Liam didn’t know but it felt like he was sitting on a powder keg and waving sparklers around.

‘Okay if I sit here?’ Scott plunked down on the bench in front of him.

‘You’ll miss your turn.’

‘Liam, you missed your last three turns because you’re busy making ice cream melt with your eyes.’ Scott chuckled.

‘I spoke with Derek.’ Scott’s tone sounded careful. Liam continued to stare at him.

‘Mr. Hale I mean. Derek Hale.’

‘Oh.’ Suddenly Liam wasn’t hungry at all. He pushed the ice cream aside to melt in peace.

‘I wanted to see how you were handling all the stuff with the church.’

‘I dunno. I just found out.’

‘Really?’

‘I don’t go around asking my dad every part of his day.’ Liam fumed. ‘Believe it or not I try to stay away from him as much as possible.’

‘Okay. Sorry. I believe you, I just… How much did Derek tell you?’ Scott picked at his fingernail.

‘My dad and the church are saying stuff about him and Stiles.’

‘He didn’t say anything about you?’

‘What about me?’ Liam frowned. He was confused again. He hated it. Nothing made sense anymore, not since he’d snuck out to the punk show with Mason and the rest of them.

‘Your dad mentioned you more than once. How you were uncomfortable in Derek’s class.’

‘I’m uncomfortable everywhere. It’s school.’

‘I mean he said you were uncomfortable because Derek is gay.’

‘That’s not true. He asked a few weeks ago about Mr. Hale and I said he was one of our best teachers. Sometimes the class is confusing but that’s probably just me.’ Liam said.

‘I know it’s not true. I’m just asking if you knew exactly what your dad was saying.’

Liam crossed his arms and watched as Nolan rolled a strike. He pumped his fist and worked his team up into a cheer. Ethan gave a fake boo from the other lane, making them all laugh.

‘He told me about Theo.’

‘What?’

‘That something Theo did upset you.’

‘It’s got nothing to do with him. It’s nothing.’ Liam said.

‘Alright.’ Scott leaned back.

‘You’re not gonna keep asking me?’

‘No. Unlike Derek I know you can handle things on your own. But you’re also smart enough to ask for help if you need it.’ Scott said.

‘Yeah.’

‘But Liam, listen. People don’t like Theo much. Even hate him. He can be an asshole, but he’s a lot more than that. I don’t think he’s used to anyone else seeing that.’ Scott said.

‘Why would you tell me that?’

‘If you’re gonna be hanging with him I just thought you should know.’

‘We’re not. Hanging out.’ Liam said.

‘Alright.’ Scott said. ‘But you know we can, right?’

‘Yes.’ Liam mumbled. Suddenly he felt stupid. Embarrassed. He’d been avoiding Scott for nothing. Something he imagined, maybe. He should have known Scott would be like this. Understanding. Kind. Like his mother.

‘Who’s that?’ Scott watched as someone new joined the bowling gang.

‘Hayden.’ Liam said, watching her get in Ethan’s face after he knocked into Nolan too hard.

‘Liam are you blushing?’

‘No.’ Was he? Maybe a little. It was hard to tell lately.

‘Okay. I see.’ Scott raised his eyebrows and broke into a grin.

‘See what?’

‘ “Nothing” apparently.’ He winked and left. Before Liam could begin to sort out what Scott was talking about Hayden was in front of him.

‘Hey!’ She smiled.

‘Hi.’

‘Fun times.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Did you… do any bowling yet?’ She sat down across from him.

‘A little. I suck.’

‘Me too!’ She laughed. Liam smiled.

‘So… I was wondering if you were doing anything this Saturday.’ Hayden mashed her thumb against her palm. It was kind of like she was nervous.

Liam looked up at her face. Eyes darting away. A hesitant smile. She was nervous. Why would she be nervous.

He leaned to the side and looked past Hayden to their friends all looking up from he bowling lanes, totally quiet. Mason gave a huge smile and a big thumbs up. She was nervous because she was asking him out. But he was supposed to ask her out, wasn’t he? Probably not. It probably didn’t even matter, as long as someone was doing the asking.

‘Liam?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Are you going to answer me?’

‘Oh.’ No one had asked him out before. Well, not really. There was the time with Theo at the restaurant. But that wasn’t a date, was it? No. And he was trying not to think about Theo. Let him live his own life and do whatever it was that made him happy. Be with whoever he wanted to be with. It was fine with Liam. He would live his own life. And Hayden, well, she was nice. And he liked how she smiled at him. What could it hurt?

‘Yeah. I’m free.’ Liam said.

‘Cool. Maybe we can hang out.’ She spoke quickly as if she’d been holding her breath.

‘Like a date, right? You mean hang out like a date.’

‘Yes, Liam. Hang out like a date.’

‘Okay. I just… wanted to make sure.’

Hayden laughed and shook her head.

‘C’mon. I wanna kick your ass in bowling.’ She stood.

‘I think we’re on the same team?’

‘Still gonna kick your ass.’

She took him by the hand and led him down to the lanes. As he passed all his friends they were smiling and making noises. Like they were happy for him. It felt nice, to know that people were happy because he was happy. Except he wasn’t. He wasn’t really anything. Or he was nine different things smashed together.

As they all talked and laughed and stole each other’s food, Liam thought that even if it didn’t make sense it was still something he wanted to hold on to. Even if something inside felt like it was on hold.

Chapter Text

‘No fair.’ Nolan pouted as he watched Danny and Ethan kissing on the bench a few dozen feet away. They were all supposed to be studying at the park, but the books had only been open for a few minutes before they were forgotten. Now Ethan and Danny were making out, Kira was arguing with Mason and Corey, and Scott was on his way over.

Liam glanced over at the couple as they kissed. He didn’t dare look too long—that would be rude. Seeing them kiss made Liam feel uncomfortable. But not in a way that made him want them to stop. A different way that kind of also felt exciting. And embarrassing. And exhilarating. Too many things all at once. So he was trying to keep his head down. At least until Nolan started pouting.

‘No one wants to kiss me.’ Nolan sighed.

‘What about Brett?’

Nolan huffed and buried his head in the grass.

‘That bad, huh?’

‘He’s just busy. That’s all.’ Nolan mumbled.

‘But you want to be kissed now. We get it.’ Kira said.

‘Oh sure, it’s easy to make fun of me when you’re like in total lip lock with Shark Tank.’ Nolan tore apart a blade of grass.

‘Her name is Malia. And we are not lip locked. We just have a good thing going on.’

Nolan rolled his eyes and continued to pout.

‘Besides,’ Kira waved, ‘No one’s kissing Liam right now and he’s not complaining about it. Some how.’

‘That’s different!’

‘Why?’

‘Because he’s Liam.’

Kira turned to him suddenly.

‘Liam, you’ve been kissed before.’ It was more of a statement than a question. A request for confirmation. Liam opened his mouth to answer then closed it fast. Suddenly he was back in the old warehouse surrounded by people dancing. Theo’s voice in the background. Brett looming over him, looking down. Lips twisting into a smile.

‘No.’ Liam said as he looked directly at Nolan, ‘Not for real.’

‘What’s for real?’ Nolan asked with a hint of caution in his voice

‘It has to be with someone who cares about you. Likes you.’ Liam found the words coming out clearly even though he’d spent no time thinking of it. But it felt true. Right. And not just because he didn’t want Brett to be his first kiss.

‘Someone that cares about you must have kissed you before. Non-fam.’ Kira’s smile was a quiet, shining thing in the dark that told Liam she wasn’t going to stop digging. Kira set her phone aside in a rare moment of focus and turned fully to Liam. He blinked as she tapped a single finger on the table. Over. And over. And over.

‘Mason kissed me once.’ Liam blurted out. All eyes snapped to Mason, cuddled against Corey in the grass.

Kira laughed. ‘That has to be a record.’

‘What?’ Liam could feel the sweat running down his neck.

‘That was less than five taps. Even Nolan takes seven or eight.’

‘Oh.’

‘But Mason! Do tell.’ Kira turned to the couple on the grass.

‘We were nine. It was on the cheek.’ Mason said without looking up or moving. He set his book aside and looked up at his friend ‘Totally doesn’t count.’

Kira made a face. Mason laughed.

‘If you tap your finger long enough Liam will tell you he sank the titanic.’ Mason went back to his book.

‘I would not.’ Liam said.

Mason shot him a look.

‘Okay maybe I don’t deal well with pressure.’

‘That doesn’t bode well for tomorrow night then.’ Nolan smirked. Liam grumbled. It was hard when they came from all directions.

‘Hayden, right?’ Kira said. Liam wished she’d get a text or something so she’d stop looking at him. An undistracted Kira was a force of nature.

‘Yes.’ He mumbled.

‘Where’re you taking her?’ Corey asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘The date, doofus!’ Nolan nudged Liam in the ribs.

‘I thought… bowling?’

‘Ugh.’ Danny plunked down beside Liam. Ethan followed but he looked a little upset at the makeup session that had been cut short. Most likely because Danny was listening to all the ways Liam was failing to do life properly.

‘No bowling alleys.’ He said.

‘We could watch a film—‘

‘No movies either! Movies are a third date and onward thing.’ Danny said.

‘What? Why?’ Liam was confused.

‘You can’t do much more than hold hands.’ Danny said.

‘Not true.’ Ethan added with a wicked smile. He winced when Kira swatted him. Liam didn’t get it until Ethan looked back at Danny with that weird way people in love always seemed to be staring at each other (something Liam was noticing more and more now).

‘I’m not doing that!’ Liam protested.

‘Why not? It’s fun. Healthy even!’ Ethan wiggled his eyebrows.

‘Would you stop trying to turn Liam in to a horn dog like you for just five minutes?’ Danny twisted around to look at his boyfriend.

‘Fine. But only for five minutes.’ Ethan said as he stood up. He leaned down and kissed Danny behind the ear before heading to the small food cart near the road.

‘And if you guys think Liam isn’t a horn dog then you all deserve to have your membership cards as teenagers revoked!’ Ethan yelled far too loud for Liam’s comfort. He knew he was blushing. And when they all turned to him to consider it (plus one or two other people in the park) Liam wondered how he didn’t manage to faint from all the blood in his body rushing to his face.

‘I like going to a cafe. For a first date.’ Nolan said.

‘That’s so casual.’ Mason said.

‘It should be romantic! Liam likes her, he should show it.’ Corey chimed in.

‘Dinner then.’ Danny nodded to himself.

‘Where’s best?’ Nolan’s face was drawn into a frown. Probably thinking of all the hot dog places he’d been to decide which was the fanciest.

‘Echo. By the river.’

‘Way too expensive.’

‘What about that new place… Silver Moon or something?’ Nolan offered. Everyone turned to look at him. ‘What?’

‘Nothing. Just surprised it wasn’t a fast food place.’

‘Or a greasy spoon.’

‘Or a taco stand at the end of an alley.’

‘Hey! Those were good tacos.’ Nolan crossed his arms.

‘Yes. At the end of a shady alley sold by a man who only took one dollar bills.’ Danny poked him in the chest.

‘Still good tacos.’

‘Here it is.’ Kira set her phone on the table. “Silver Moon” was a brick building painted black. The sign was a full silver moon with two figures in front of it—a young woman laying a hand on the neck of a wolf laying prone. Sleeping. Or maybe dead.

‘Look at the prices!’

‘Not as bad as Echo.’

‘Still not cheap. Liam isn’t made of money!’

‘We’ll chip in.’ Kira said. ‘All of us.’

‘What? No way.’ Nolan balked.

‘Nolan do you remember that time I came over and you had that banana—‘

‘Look what I found!’ Nolan said far too loudly as he tossed a twenty onto the grass between them all. He shot Kira a glare. Soon they were all tossing money into the pile. Danny grabbed it and counted it up.

‘That should be enough for a nice dinner.’ He smiled at Liam.

‘Liam? You okay?’ Danny asked after catching the look on his face.

‘I’m fine.’ Which was true. He was fine. Everything was fine.

‘If you’re worried about paying us back, I mean… don’t.’ Danny said. Before Nolan could protest Kira mouthed the word “banana” at him, causing his jaw to snap shut.

‘It’s okay. Take it.’ Danny urged. Liam unclenched his teeth. The blood from the inside of his cheek filled the back of his mouth and trickled down his throat as his fingers closed on the pile of bills generously donated by the group. His friends. Friends that care about him. Enough to plan his date out so it would go perfectly. Because that was what was best for him. To be happy. With Hayden.

Why did the thing inside of him feel like it was flapping huge wings then? Filling him up with dark clouds and knowing smirks. Like part of him knew something. Wanted him to fail. For a second Liam thought about walking away and cancelling everything. But he pushed the hesitation and doubt deep down. Squeezed it into a small shadow and let it drop into the dark place inside where it wouldn’t bother him ever again.

‘Thanks.’ He smiled. Everyone smiled. Nolan started to go on about what Liam should wear and soon an argument broke out among the boys.

It was Kira who was still looking at him when he finally noticed. Her usual clever smile was gone, though. Instead there was concern and worry. Liam smiled to make her happy, but the look didn’t stop. She pulled a tissue from her bag. Liam watched as she pressed it to the corner of his mouth. When she drew it back there was a small red spot of blood.

He looked at her in panic. Kira crumpled the tissue into the palm of her hand and scooted over close to him. Leaning against him. Breathing with him in silence as they watched the others argue with Nolan that shorts were not appropriate first-date-nice-restaurant material. Kira didn’t speak for the rest of the hour that sat there, and neither did Liam. She didn’t have to. Everything she’d done spoke louder than any words. Any song. For a split second she’d seen him.

Liam paced around in his room. How had everything spiralled so far out of his control? Everyone had gotten together and managed to get an outfit for Liam to wear for his ate with Hayden tomorrow night. A Kira approved outfit—which meant it was cool and casual but not too flashy or overbearing. Something he’d never wear normally, but the amount of thought and energy that went into it was impossible to ignore. And a heavy weight on his shoulders.

Liam paused as he heard footsteps on the bottom floor of the house. The sounds of his dad grabbing the keys and shutting the door were unmistakeable. So far he’d managed to avoid his dad entirely. After talking with Mr. Hale and Scott, Liam didn’t know what to think. The prickly part of him was aimed directly at his father. He knew that for sure. It was only a matter of time until he couldn’t force it down any more. Usually thinking of Theo would—

—pointless. Didn’t matter. It wasn’t even Theo that helped him, really. It was the music. The attitude that came with the punk shows. With the kids and adults that tore down everything that was hurting them and the world around them. That was what he needed. Something to reach deep inside of him and claw out all of the poison and dead parts. Make him hollow at the very least.

Liam was outside before he could think, which surprised him. He paused to doff his button up shirt and shoes in the porch, opting to pull on a pair of old gym shoes and wear his black undershirt. Not quite right but close enough to make him feel like he fit in more. Which was another thought that surprised him. Fit in where? His feet were already pumping the pedals of his bike by then and Liam found that he was snaking around corners and coasting down hills with ease, as if a magnet was pulling him to the old warehouse where the punk shows played.

He didn’t know if Chimera was playing. It didn’t need to be them. It could be anyone. Anything. As long as it was punk. As long as it carved into him and let him release the pressure building up in his blood.

The sky was orange as Liam came around the bend leading to the spot. The concrete building muffled the noise but it was still loud enough to make out a band playing inside. There were one or two people smoking outside next to the bouncer at the door. Whoever was playing was already into their set, and the place would probably be packed. Liam coasted to a stop on his bike before ditching it in the bushes. He hadn’t brought a lock with him, so he covered it with leaves as best he could. He’d have to hope luck was with him, because there was no way he could turn away now that he’d arrived.

As Liam approached the building he saw two girls approach the bouncer and get turned away. Heart thumping like a jack rabbit, Liam made his way up to the large woman. She blew smoke out of the side of her mouth, away from him.

‘We’re at capacity.’

Liam teetered on his heels, ready to turn around. The thing inside stopped when he heard the muffled guitar.

‘I'm pretty small.’ He offered. Her eyes widened, like she was surprised he’d said anything at all. She looked him over as if to verify that yes, he didn’t take up that much space. She made a click sound with her tongue against her teeth.

‘Sorry, kid. Fire department was already here earlier. Lucky we got to keep playing after they made us kick forty or so out.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘I really am sorry. Hey, you can sit with me here and listen if you want.’ She nudged a milk crate on the cement beside her. Liam craned his neck and listened to the music. He was about to walk away when he heard it. A few scratchy words, etched into the sweat and heat of the night. Escaping the concrete building to find him. Theo’s voice. More than that—there was an edge to them. Something that hadn’t been there before.

‘No thanks. But thanks.’ Liam said. She nodded and took another drag off her cigarette.

Liam’s brain raced. There was a side door that he’d seen when he’d gone backstage with Theo. That might be open. He was careful to act like he was going in a different direction, then when the bouncer was talking to someone else, Liam turned and ducked around the corner. No one around the far side of the building. He got to the corner and peeked carefully, in case there was another bouncer waiting by the back.

There was no one.

He made his way to the black door, propped open by the corner of a smashed cinder block. The air inside was humid, like the breath of a giant beast. When Liam opened the door it hit his skin like a blast, almost knocking him over. As the door closed he squeezed his eyes shut—ready to be kicked out. But nothing happened. The hallway was empty. To the left was the area where all the band kept their stuff. That was locked at least. The to the right was a door that led to a few metal steps. Liam opened it and carefully made his way along the metal walkway that was above the band.

The sound of the crowd got louder the closer he got. Theo’s words were clearer, but still hard to understand. Finally, Liam got to the top of the walkway and peered down at them playing in the corner of the warehouse. Theo was wearing his thick leather jacket as he moved around at a fast pace, almost biting the mic as he sang. The rest of the band were equally into it, looks of manic concentration on their faces as they smashed sounds together to make something raw and ragged. Something that made the people ringed around them scream for more. Pale arms flashing in the dim lights, contrasted by dark skin all around. Lips stretched to expose teeth as people yelled and moved with energy Liam could practically feel. It made him eager. Anxious. But beyond that there was something else that called to him on an even deeper level. Theo’s voice.

It was a lie when he said he didn’t need Chimera. When he told himself he didnt need Theo’s voice, that is could be anyone’s voice. Of course it was Theo’s voice. Had to be his. And as Liam listened that’s all there was. He couldn’t make out the lyrics. The words. But he didn’t need to. This was enough.

Parts of Liam that had no name settled. Rested. As if they had been on high alert for days ever since he’d walked Theo home. When had all this happened? When had he changed so much? It was deep down, but still. He was different. He almost felt like he belonged here. There were no expectations for him to live up to. No pressure from the people around him. No thoughts. No words. Just sound and feeling and life.

The song came to a stop and Liam watched Theo grab a beer and gulp it down. When he was done he hefted it in his hand like he was considering something. Suddenly he smashed it against the wall and in one fluid motion arced it across his abdomen in a flash. He tossed the remaining bottle aside as the crowed cheered. Liam felt his heart leap when the singer turned to look at Malia and Brett. Blood was running down Theo’s torso, making his abs slick. Obscuring the tattoos on his skin.

The deep bass began a slow pace. There was less energy this time. The pace was slow. Marching. Forcing people to listen and focus. Suddenly the music came to life—everything in the world crashing together at the same time. Theo snarled as he sang, working the crowd into a frenzy. He wasn’t pacing, he was raging across the small stage. Eyes flashing. Teeth bared. Blood soaking into his jeans as he pointed and gestured and roared.

The words were clearer, even with the last life of Theo’s vocal cords poured into them. They tore through the air and held Liam in a place he didn’t want to be. Theo was in pain. Theo was bleeding. The people around him were cheering—yelling for more. Revelling in his hurt. And he answered with more, and then more, and then more. He was pouring out every ounce of anguish he had inside him, and Liam was helpless. There was nothing he could do but watch. It made his teeth ache as the hidden things in him were drawn to the surface to compliment the pink-haired singer's cries.

Liam gripped the railing as he watched. There was no way he could move until the song was over. No way he could do anything but soak in what Theo was giving willingly to the crowd. To strangers. How could they understand? How could they know what it meant, this cry in the night? Liam felt it. The vibrations of the sound beat into him, past his skin, though the thick of his muscle. Into his bones and the secrets that he kept far away from even himself.

The sound was coming to an end. Theo’s pacing slowed as the vocals twisted and turned into themselves. The rage fell away like dead skin and all that was left was a pleading wail as Theo searched the crowed, looking from face to face as if he was trying to find someone. Each time he looked and didn’t see what he was looking for his voice became more and more desperate, reaching a frenzy until his voice gave out in a strangled squeak to leave the bass and guitar to finish.

Theo turned from the crowd. His arms dropped to his side, and the mic hit the floor a moment later. Pink, sweaty hair was plastered to his head and sticking up in every direction. He tilted his head back suddenly and Liam could see the details of his face. Relief. Pain. Anger. Nothingness. He’d emptied himself out now, just like Liam had wanted to. Was that part of what made them the same? The lyrics of the song caught up with him as he studied Theo’s closed eyes. His lips, partially open. Chest heaving. Sweat glistening. Theo was beautiful.

For a moment Liam thought the singer would open his eyes and see him high above. Perched like a giant bird. Looking down. Casting a shadow. A second passed. Liam found himself willing Theo to look. To see. He opened his mouth. It would be easy to speak. To say something. But he didn’t. Instead Theo dropped his head and pushed back the long strands of his hair before shedding his jacket. Jackson and Isaac were at his side right away—Jackson squeezing Theo’s shoulder and whispering in his ear. Isaac pressing a cloth to the singer’s abdomen.

A lump formed in Liam’s throat. Part of him was touched to see the bandmates taking care of Theo, like they were a small family. Which they were in a way. But another part of him was spiky with anger. He should be there helping Theo. He should be there to support him. Instead he was high above, in exile. Unwanted. Un-needed.

A commotion broke out at the corner of the stage as a tall man grabbed Theo’s leather. Two people nearby held onto him to stop him from running away with it, but he shook them off. Before the band could react the man bolted out the side door, towards the back. The thunder of the man’s feet made Liam look to his side—he could see clear down to the hallway, to the entrance he’d come in. The man ran, pushing outside into the night. Before Liam could blink he was tearing down the metal walkway and outside after him.

He was fast, and on a normal day he would probably have easily outrun Liam. But everything inside was bubbling to the top, pushing Liam forward at a pace he could barely register.

The man glanced behind several times, eyes wide with panic as he saw Liam closing in on him. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he caught up—the guy was a foot taller and had a bigger build, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the leather jacket in his hands that didn’t belong to him.

Liam chased the man through the trees of the small park were he’d ended up with Nolan more than a week ago. Along the trails and paths, never losing sight of Theo’s jacket. Finally the man took a chance and slid down a gravel path to the back of a construction site that had recently been prepped for development. As he caught his balance and landed, Liam sped up.

He crashed into the man with his full weight, knocking him over. They rolled together, fists pounding into Liam’s chest and arm. A stray one hitting his ear. He snarled and hit back with uncoordinated strikes—each one carrying the full force of the anger inside. The man kept his arms up to shield his face. Liam laid into his ribs, hitting over and over and over until the man threw his head back in a cry of pain that snapped him out of his rage.

He scrambled off of him then, looking down at the figure on the ground.

‘Are you alright?’ Liam’s voice wavered. The rage sank into his feet, soaking into the fresh-turned earth and disappearing.

‘Fuck…you.’ The man spat. He continued to roll on the ground in pain. It all came crashing down. If he didn’t stop he might have hurt the guy badly. Worse than he already did. But didn’t he deserve it for stealing? Stealing from Theo? Liam looked down at his hands. What had he done?

He wanted to leave. To flee. But he’d come all this way, chasing and hunting for a reason. Liam reached down and scooped up Theo’s jacket. The man watched him with the eyes of a kicked animal. Wary. He backed away slowly before running off into the city streets that touched the edge of the place they’d landed in. Liam was alone now. There was no way he could go back and give Theo his jacket. Not now. Not after everything he’d done.

Liam tucked it under his arm and headed up the slope.

He’d been lucky his bike was still there. He rode home in silence. His usual stream of unending thoughts were silent. When he got home there was no car in the driveway. Liam wasn’t even sure it mattered right now. He drifted inside and went to his room, only then realizing he was covered in blood. His first thought caused alarm—that it was Theo’s blood from his jacket, but when he looked the jacket was clean. It was sweaty inside and smelled like Theo, but there was no blood.

Liam felt wetness on his neck. It was his blood. A quick look in the mirror told him it was coming from his ear. With the recognition the burn of pain flowed into his mind, but he was still in a place where it couldn’t fully touch him. But he knew it was there.

A few towels and a quick bandage later took care of the mess, though the cartilage at the top of his ear had snapped and would likely not heal together the right way. he didn’t care. He stared down at the leather jacket resting at the end of his bed. Theo’s jacket. He’d give it back tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. He’d find time. For now he would keep it safe and Theo would be happy to have it back. He didn’t need to know what happened to get it. No one needed to know that, least of all his dad.

The weight of sleep fell on Liam’s shoulders all too suddenly. He meant to put the jacket in his closet. At the back, where no one would see it. Instead he curled up on his bed next to it. After he closed his eyes his fingers found the soft, worn leather and he went to sleep without a word or a thought.

Chapter Text

‘Hi.’ Liam said as he sat down by the grave stone. He brushed a few stray leaves off the top before setting the fresh flowers on the base. He carefully pulled a few daisies forward so they were more visible. With everything going on lately he hadn’t been able to visit his grandmother’s grave as often as he used to, and when the thought popped into his brain he’d rushed out to get to the flower store and then to the cemetery. The entire time his mind was racing with everything that had happened to him. Was happening to him. But now that he was sitting in front of her stone all of it seemed to fall away.

‘I guess it’s been awhile. I’m sorry.’ He muttered as he toyed with a blade of grass.

‘School is good. I have friends now. I guess. I have… maybe a girlfriend?’ Liam frowned. ‘I mean, maybe she doesn’t think of herself like that. I guess. But my friends all think that I like her. And I kind of do? A little. But it’s confusing. I’m supposed to take her out on a date tonight at a fancy restaurant. It’s kind of… scary. But I don’t want to tell my friends that since they already think I’m sort of stupid. I mean…no. Ummm… sheltered. They don’t think I’m stupid probably.’ Liam rubbed his palms on his knees.

This wasn’t how these talks usually went. All of the things he was saying were worrying him but there was one thing more than the others that was gnawing at him deep down, but he didn’t know how to put it into words.

‘I… I did something bad. I hurt someone.’ Liam exhaled. ‘And I stole.’

He shifted his weight to lean against the root of the large oak growing next to the plot.

‘A guy stole from my… friend. His jacket. And I chased him and I hit him. A lot. And he was bleeding and I knew I should feel bad but it felt like it was okay because he deserved it? But then… I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to be like that. And Theo—‘ Liam felt tired suddenly. He closed his eyes and remembered the smell of the leather jacket he’d stolen without meaning to. The smell of Theo’s sweat, the soft folds of the leather now hanging far back in his closet covered up by his best church suit where no one would find it. Before when he thought about the punk all he’d dreamed of were Theo’s green eyes. His lips. His smile. Now all Liam could picture was the look on his face as he carved himself up with a broken bottle. The strangled vocals—desperate and searching. Alone.

‘I… I don’t want to be like this anymore.’ His voice was barely a whisper. Hot tears gathered at the edge of his eyes, threatening to spill.

‘But I don’t know how to change.’ He smiled and looked at the simple arrangement of flowers. ‘I wish you were still here.’

Liam closed his eyes and rested against the tree, fingers tangled in the grass beneath him. He could feel the sun peeking out from behind passing clouds—the red and pink behind his eyelids lighting up with each burst until finally it disappeared. He rested for a few more minutes before getting up. He had a lot to do before tonight.

It took four hours to get dressed, which was exponentially more than Liam was used to. Even with the clothes picked out by Kira (and Mason and a very nagg-y Nolan) he just didn’t seem to fit into them as well as his friends thought. Which prompted a text message and several bad photos on the junk flip phone that Danny had tossed his way before they left the park the other day. Which prompted many exasperated texts from Kira, some tips from Mason and Corey, and a long string of complaints and nonsense from Nolan. It took a video of Kira tucking and buttoning a similar outfit for Liam to understand exactly what he was supposed to do—after all his world was limited to khakis and dress shirts. He dreamed of jeans and t-shirts, not such fashionable and trendy clothing.

When he was done Liam felt very un-Liam. But that was the point wasn’t it? To be someone that he wasn’t? Someone better. Someone that wore purple high tops with red lighting bolts and pants that looks (and felt) painted on. Very un-Liam. Anti-Liam. Taking another look in the mirror Liam sucked in a breath. He did want to change who he was, yes. But maybe this was too much. The pants were so tight he barely fit into them in certain places. Places he thought it might be kind of rude to emphasize.

‘Nope.’ He took another look and started the fifteen minute chore of extracting his legs from the pants. They gripped him like someone drowning in the middle of a storm. Even down to the ankles they didn’t give up. When he finally got free of the pants, Liam tossed them across the room. His chest heaved and he was pretty sure he’d ruined the weird styling gel Kira had given him to put into his hair. Which was sticking all over the place now.

Liam groaned and collapsed on the bed. Did other teenagers do this every day? It was torture! There was no way he’d be able to put himself back together and make it to the restaurant in time. Besides, he didn’t exactly feel comfortable in Kira’s style. It looked awesome on her (and given her taste and the approval of the rest of their little pack, looked good on him too), except it wasn’t him.

Liam got up and rummaged through his bottom drawer where he stashed the clothes Scott and Mason had given him to go to punk shows. Some of it was not exactly fit to wear to a nice place. Or a crappy place even. But there was a pair of simple, black jeans that were kind of fitted but not so tight. That plus one of the shirts Kira had given him, the simplest one, would look decent he decided. Plus Nolan’s kicks. Those definitely grew on him.

Liam looked in the mirror. The only thing left was his hair. Kira wanted him to wear it styled kind of spiked. Lots of little points everywhere. Right now it looked more like a beach ball had landed on the side of his head, spun around for a bit and then flew out a window. He raked his fingers through it gently like she’d taught him. It looked a little better. He licked his finger tips and tried to marshal the remaining mess into some sense of order and was successful. Kind of. Enough that he thought he looked okay. Kind of like Nolan’s hair a little, but not as long. And not as Liam. Something better maybe? Different for sure. But still familiar enough he didn’t feel panic rising in his gut.

A quick look at the clock told him he had an hour or so to get to the restaurant. The others told him he should walk to Hayden’s house to take her to the restaurant but she’d been pretty cool about saying she wanted to meet him there so he’d stick with that.

Liam stuffed the money from his friends into his wallet. He knew they said not to worry about paying them back (well, except Nolan) but he made sure to write down what everyone had given him so he could repay them later. He took one last look in the mirror and a thought popped into his head—making him dive to the bathroom and put on extra deodorant and check his teeth. When he was done he went back to his room to grab his jacket. He opened the closet door and reached in, freezing when his finger tips touched the soft leather of Theo’s jacket.

Theo’s jacket. That he saved. That he stole. He took it out of its hiding place at the back. Would it be so bad to wear it just this once? No one would know. Not even Theo. And if he wanted to feel safe and secure there was nothing that made him better than the pink-haired punk. His jacket was a close second. Plus it kind of went with everything he was wearing.

Liam’s stomach flip flopped around and he pulled the leather onto his shoulders. His heart raced when he thought of Theo pulling on the same jacket. How it rested on his broad shoulders and wrapped around his bare torso. It felt good to wear it. Exciting kind of. Like Liam had a special secret. But he was also twinged with guilt. He’d find a way to return it tomorrow somehow without bugging the singer. Maybe leave it with one of his friends. Or outside his place (on second thought maybe not that… too close. Too difficult). He’d make it right. But for now he could use every ounce of strength and confidence he could get.

The Silver Moon was in an old, reclaimed building that was mostly brick and industrial pipe. From his spot outside, he peeked at the decor. The owners fitted it with simple and elegant crystal light fixtures and custom iron work accents in-laid with silver. Liam wasn’t sure if it was real or not but it looked fancier than he’d imagined. At the same time it reminded him of the trendy New York places Kira was always showing him on her phone. There was a definite theme throughout the place—mostly wolves and other large creatures being tamed or slain by one woman, over and over. Like she was some kind of super hunter. It made Liam’s stomach squirm a little bit—why would anyone need to hunt so many animals? Why not leave them in peace?

Liam sighed and leaned against the side of the building. What was he even doing here? His stomach felt like it was a stress ball being squeezed over and over. Did he like Hayden? Sure. She was nice, if not a little extreme at times (the bowling match had ended with her declaring absolute victory over everyone. Including her own team). She was fun, too. And kind. Not just to Liam, but to everyone. And she hated bullies. What wasn’t there to like? Well… the one thing that he didn’t want to pay attention to. Or think about. So that didn’t count. He was on a date and he was going to have fun. After all, it was his first date. Kind of. Or was it? Liam tugged Theo’s jacket so it was closer to his body. Hugging him.

‘Liam?’

‘Huh?’ Liam turned around to see Hayden. She wore a simple, white dress-type thing. Or he thought it was a dress. Or maybe a type of flowing shirt thing? It was super pretty whatever it was. And her dark hair was curling a bit, and framed her face to make her eyes stand out. Very pretty, Liam decided.

‘I wasn’t sure if it was you.’ Hayden smiled.

‘Why?’

‘You’re just so… I’ve never seen you dress like that.’

‘Is it bad?’

‘No. Not at all! I just didn’t recognize you.’ She gave a thoughtful look and motioned for him to spin around. Liam awkwardly did two turns before stopping. Hayden had a look of deep thought on her face before she broke out into another smile.

‘I like it.’

‘You do?’

‘Liam Dunbar I’m starting to think you have hidden facets.’

‘That’s a good thing right? Facets?’

She laughed and took his arm, pulling him into the restaurant.

There were three couples ahead of them, waiting for seats to open. Liam had asked about calling them to make reservations but Mason had already taken care of it. Even so, it was such a popular place it took time to even get to the hostess. Liam was fine with that, though he was starting to feel out of place looking at how everyone else was dressed. There were a lot of nice, shiny shoes and blazers. Dresses and flowers and sparkly flats that made him wonder why boys couldn’t wear such fun things. Still, Hayden held his arm tight and that made him feel okay, so he tried to ignore the worry that was building up.

‘It was so nice of you to suggest this place. I’ve wanted to go here since it opened.’ Hayden said.

‘Oh. Is that… a long time?’ Liam fumbled with his words. Instead of getting angry, Hayden grinned.

‘Seven months? Maybe eight. The family that owns this is famous for their restaurants in France and Canada. All sustainable, wild game and local produce.’

‘That’s good.’ Liam blinked.

‘Each sibling has their own way of doing things. Cooking. Serving. Decor. I love this style. Kate Argent runs this one. She’s kind of insane, but very inspiring.’

‘Inspiring.’ Liam’s eyes locked onto the image of a woman driving a spear into the open mouth of an enormous wolf. Why did it feel like he’d just walked into a very dangerous place?

‘We’re next.’ Hayden said as she dragged Liam up to the front. Her excitement made him smile. She was like a little kid getting a surprise bag of candy and little presents. It made him feel warm inside. But not like when Theo—

—wasn’t here and Liam wasn’t going to think about him. At all.

‘I have it right here.’ The hostess said as she looked up the reservation. She gathered two menus and paused when she looked at Liam.

‘I’m sorry but the restaurant has a strict dress code.’ She said and Liam blinked. He looked at Hayden, she was very dressed up. His stomach sank as he realized she meant him. He looked down at his purple kicks and leather jacket. These things were picked out by his friends. The people he cared about and that cared about him. And this person was telling him they weren’t good enough, weren't the right thing to wear. Liam’s words got tangled up and he knew he was making a face.

‘Do you have loaners?’ Hayden asked as her hand fell away from Liam’s arm. He stood by himself and looked anywhere but Hayden and the hostess as they talked.

‘No, sorry. We’re not that kind of establishment.’

Liam heard Hayden make a noise of disapproval.

‘You can’t make an exception?’

‘Sorry. Chef Argent is very strict about her… standards.’

‘I see.’ Hayden said. She looked over at Liam. Her face was serious, on the edge of a frown of disapproval. He reached into his pocket to give her the money he had so she could enjoy a meal here at least while he went home. He paused when Hayden gave him a small smile.

‘Well if a blazer and some cheap loafers are all it takes to meet Chef Argent’s standards I’m afraid she doesn’t meet ours. Come on Liam.’ Hayden said. Liam’s eyes widened as the hostess stared at them, unable to respond in any way as they walked out the door briskly.

The night was warm the cool breeze felt good on Liam’s flushed face. Hayden paced around just up the block and away from the windows of the restaurant.

‘Standards my ass! Screw Kate Argent!’ Hayden grumbled.

‘I thought she inspired you.’

‘She did up until three minutes ago.’

‘So you don’t want to eat there?’ Liam said, ‘I mean I don’t mind if you want to go in alone—‘

‘Liam!’

‘Sorry.’

‘No. Just… do you really think I’d do that?’

‘No. Sorry. I thought at least you could have a nice time.’ Liam mumbled.

‘I’ll have a nice time if we’re hanging out. If you’re not there what’s the point?’

‘Oh. I guess… that makes sense.’

‘It’s just a restaurant! There are dozens of other ones we can go to. What are you in the mood for?’ Hayden grabbed his hand again.

‘I guess anything.’

Her eyes lit up. ‘I’ll take you to my favourite place. It’ll be a surprise!’

‘Okay.’ Liam smiled. He felt better seeing Hayden excited again. It meant she wasn’t mad at him, and he didn’t ruin anything for her.

‘It’s a bit of a walk, if that’s okay.’

‘Sure. I like walking.’ Liam said.

‘You’re so weird.’ She laughed. Normally Liam would cringe at those words but Nolan had been drilling it into his head that friends said things like that all the time and it wasn’t a bad thing. It was a fun tease. Friends teased each other. A lot. And Hayden was his friend too. He was pretty sure.

‘So you’re pretty hardcore religious.’ Hayden said.

‘Oh. Umm… my dad is.’

‘Ah. So you’re not a believer?’

‘I believe in something. I guess. That something is there that… brings people together. Maybe it’s not like… god or whatever. Or maybe it is. I don’t know.’

‘At least you’re honest.’

‘That’s good?’

‘Most people just blindly follow a group. You have your own thoughts. I mean, you’re very good at keeping them to yourself.’ Hayden fell into step beside him as she guided them up the sidewalk.

‘I’m not good at talking.’ Liam said.

‘Bullshit.’ The word came out so quickly it was like she was waiting. It startled Liam and then made him snort in laughter.

‘What?’

‘You’re kind of… extreme.’

‘A lot of people say that. It turns people off. Be calmer. Be nicer.’ Hayden mocked.

‘You are nice.’ Liam said.

‘Thanks.’ He wasn’t sure but he thought she was blushing.

‘Your friends are cool.’ Hayden said.

‘Yeah. I like them. They help me out a lot. I’m kind of…’ Words flashed through his mind—dumb, stupid, idiotic.

‘Umm… clueless. Sometimes.’ Liam said.

‘We all are. At least until we learn stuff.’ Hayden said. It made Liam smile.

‘What?’ She bumped into him gently.

‘Nothing. That sounds like something my friend Scott would say.’

‘Scott McCall?’ Hayden asked. There was something in her voice he couldn’t identify.

‘Yeah. He helped me a lot the past few months. I can talk to him about… stuff.’ Liam said. It was easy to talk to Hayden but he didn’t know how to explain all the tangled up things inside to anyone. Let alone himself.

‘Cool.’ Her brief answer worried him a little bit. For the next block or so she was silent but still walked beside him. Still pointed out lewd graffiti and odd shops they passed so Liam tried not to think about it too much. She knew who Scott was, did that mean she knew Theo?

‘Your friend, Scott… he’s friends with… what’s his name?’ Hayden said suddenly. Liam felt a lump in his throat.

‘Ummmm…’

‘Stiles.’

Stiles. Yes. Scott and Stiles and Theo were all friends once. But Stiles and Scott seemed closer than Theo was. At least these days.

‘Yeah. They’re friends.’

‘Someone told me Mr. Hale and him were like… together.’ Hayden wasn’t looking at him. Liam frowned and thought about what Mr. Hale… Derek, had told him. It wasn’t a secret, and they’d only recently started to go out. And it wasn’t a secret. And from what Liam had seen they were genuinely in love with each other. There was no reason to deny it. Still, it felt like a strange situation.

‘I think so. Yeah. Maybe recently, now that Stiles is in college.’ Liam tried to give context, even though he didn’t know all the details. He knew his dad was working on something to hurt Derek. Maybe Stiles. Maybe a lot of people, which Liam hated. It was better to make sure bad talk and rumours got cut off. Stomped out.

‘Oh. So they weren’t like… together at school.’ Hayden said.

‘What? No. That would be wrong.’

‘Okay. Good.’ Hayden said. ‘I like Mr. Hale. I didn’t think he’d ever do something like that but there are so many rumours now…’

‘There are?’

‘Everyone’s talking about it.’

Liam fell silent as they walked. He followed Hayden through an alley and down some back streets without thinking. She kept talking about school, sports, her sister’s work at the sheriff’s office. Liam tried to listen but there was a powerful magnet in his mind that kept drawing him back to something that he knew he’d missed. Something that told him he’d overlooked a detail with his dad that meant trouble, but as much as he tried to remember or picture it, it evaded him. It came as a surprise when Hayden came to a stop outside a small brick building with a red roof and neon sign.

‘We’re here! My favourite place.’ She smiled. Liam’s heart thundered as he recognized the sign outside and the street the stood on. This was where Theo worked. And he was wearing Theo’s jacket. And Theo might be working.

‘What’s wrong? You don’t like Chinese food?’

‘What? I… no.’

‘We can go somewhere else.’ She said. Liam froze—they’d come all this way. It was her favourite restaurant. And he could see how much she wanted to share this with him. Plus he was hungry, and what were the chances of Theo working tonight?

Liam took a breath and opened the door. Hayden looked happy as she went inside. Liam followed her, feeling like he was yet again walking into his doom.

The inside was exactly as he remembered—faux gold dragons climbing red pillars. Mass-produced calligraphy scrolls hanging from the walls and black lacquered tables. There were dozens of people eating. Liam followed Hayden as she slid into a booth near the front, a handful of booths away from where Liam had eaten with Theo.

‘Have you been here before?’ She asked as they settled in.

‘Once yeah.’

‘I love their egg rolls. The rest of the city just fills them with chow mien veggies but here they use meat. And the plum sauce is great too.’

Liam looked down at the place mat with the descriptions of the Chinese zodiac.

‘You’re a tiger right?’ Hayden said, looking down.

‘What?’

‘Tiger.’ She pointed.

‘I think so. Is that good?’

‘I can see it.’ She said, ‘You have a lot of hidden tiger in there.’

Her hand was on top of his suddenly and he fought an involuntary flinch. She must have felt something because there was a polite smile just before she took her hand back.

When the waitress came over Hayden placed her order. Liam forgot to look at the menu so he recalled what he could of how Theo had ordered for them a few months ago. The waitress looked annoyed but said nothing.

‘I thought you said you were only here once before. You didn’t even look at the menu.’

‘Oh. I remembered what I got last time and I liked it.’ Liam said. Which was kind of true. Mostly true. True enough.

‘So… you know I like you, right?’ Hayden said. Liam blinked. Of all the mental scenarios he’d gone through his had not been one of them and his mind started to spiral into panic. Held back only by the fact that he was obliged to actually talk to Hayden since she’d asked such a direct question.

‘Uhh… I guess. My friends all said that I mean. Not that they talk about you. I mean, in a bad way. But in a “Liam she likes you” kind of way. And that we should go out and be happy together.’ He bumbled on and on, but she waited patiently for him to finish. Or die down at least.

‘And are you happy?’

‘Yes. What? Yeah! Happy. I am happy. You’re nice to me.’ Liam smiled his best smile, but he could tell he said something wrong. Though he didn’t know what it was, but Hayden’s face changed from hopeful to hesitant. They sat in silence until the waitress approached their table several minutes later.

‘Your food.’ The waitress said as she set a plate in front of Hayden.

‘And for you.’ She sat three plates down in front of Liam.

‘I didn’t… I don’t think I ordered this.’ He said.

‘Guy in the back said you eat a lot. He insisted.’ She rolled her eyes before walking away.

Liam stared at the food. The guy in the back had to be Theo. He’d eaten three plates of food with the pink-haired demon the last time they were here. There was no one else it could be. Which meant Theo was here. Theo must have seen him wearing the jacket.

‘Excuse me. I have to… restroom.’ Liam said. Everything was numb. Hayden said something but he didn’t hear. He headed towards the rest room at the back, but walked right past it into the kitchen. When he opened the door a wave of steam and heat hit him in the face and made him sweat instantly. Liam scanned the room—no pink hair. No Theo. Just four cooks and a dishwasher working tirelessly to keep up with orders. He must have been wrong.

When he came back to the table Hayden was looking at her phone.

‘Hey.’ He said, ‘Sorry I was just—‘

‘It’s okay that you don’t like me.’ Hayden said.

‘What? I like you!’

‘No, Liam. I mean…’ Hayden rubbed her temple. ‘Okay. Why do you like me?’

‘Because you’re nice to me. Nice to everyone. You punched that Matt guy who was bullying the freshmen. And you just… you really love the things you love. You’re umm… passionate.’ Liam said.

‘That’s nice Liam. It is. But how do you feel about me when you see me? When I put my hand—‘

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam looked away.

‘Liam. Fuck. You have to stop wilting any time anyone says something.’ Her voice went up a notch in volume and he turned away.

‘Shit. I’m sorry, Liam. I just… that was shitty of me. It just kills me to see you react like that. I’ve liked you for a long time and I know you have a hard time at home. From what I’m guessing maybe it’s worse than I thought. I just want you to be… to do what you want. Okay?’

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why aren’t you more mad? Why are you being so nice? I didn’t do anything to deserve it.’ Liam’s mouth felt dry. His palms itched. Theo maybe was there and then gone. Or not there at all. Hayden was mad and then not mad and now she was being nice. Nothing made sense.

‘Liam you don’t have to do anything for people to treat you well. It’s basic human decency.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Hayden sighed.

‘What for?’

‘I… lied? My friends were all happy we were going out. And you were happy. I didn’t want to spoil any of that. And I guess I kind of lied to you?’ He squeaked. Finger grabbed on to the corner of the paper placemat and began to tear it little by little. He tried to summon up more words but his throat ached too much. Hayden watched him a moment before speaking.

‘That’s pretty shitty yeah. But Liam, you see the one person not happy in that situation?’

Liam nodded.

‘Don’t you deserve that, too?’

Liam shrugged.

‘Liam, do you have a… someone that makes you happy?’

Liam nodded, then looked worried.

‘You don’t have to tell me who, and I’m not going to ask. But don’t you want to be around them?’

Another nod.

‘So do it. Or I might kick your ass.’ She smiled. But there was part of it that was gone now. Reserved or missing. Still supportive. Kind. Like a friend.

‘What if…’ His voice came out in a hoarse whisper. ‘What if they don’t want you. Or you can’t be around them because… it would make a lot of things worse?’

‘Liam, close your eyes.’

He closed his eyes.

‘What are you thinking about?’

Theo. Singing. Smiling. Yelling. Bleeding.

‘Someone.’

‘What else?’

‘Nothing else.’

‘That’s your answer.’ She said. Liam opened his eyes, more confused than when they’d started.

‘What now?’ He asked looking at the plates of food on the table.

‘Now,’ Hayden said as she picked up her fork, ‘I’m gonna eat the hell out of this. Probably half of your food, you’re gonna pay for it because you broke my heart. And then you’re gonna tell me all about your friends and I’ll tell you about mine.’

‘I’m so—‘

‘Liam, honestly, my heart isn’t broken. Just a bit sore. And god damn I’m hungry! Oh shoot. Sorry.’

‘You can swear.’ Liam smiled a little.

‘Good.’ Hayden chuckled and stole an egg roll off his plate before biting into it like it was the most delicious thing in the world.

Liam smiled. Part of him felt better, but another part, a growing part, felt something else. He wasn’t sure how to deal with it, or what it meant exactly, but Hayden was right—Theo was at the centre of it all.

He paused before digging into his food and looked up the the long, rectangular window into the kitchen where food was passed through. For a second he thought he saw a flash of pink hair, then it was gone.

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since Liam and Hayden went out. He was surprised when she’d called him the next day. Even more surprised when his dad didn’t intercept the call. In fact, Liam started to notice that sometimes the car didn’t move from the drive way, as if his father hadn’t come home (or left for that matter, except there was no sign of life except for the bills held onto the fridge with a magnet Liam had spied a few days back).

Talking with Hayden was nice. She was a lot more forceful than any of his friends, and she was completely unapologetic for whatever she said. So far he’d gone over to help her move some stuff out of her mom’s garage, and then they’d gone to the park. A few times Liam had caught her looking at him. Studying him. Like she knew something that he didn’t, or she was mentally finishing a puzzle by looking at him. Each time he’d caught her he smiled and tried to laugh it off. She smiled back. But even that was deeper somehow. It reminded Liam of the cat from the books Mason got him to read as a kid. The cheshire cat. Too many teeth. But helpful at least.

The past few days had been fairly low-key without too much going on. Liam had seen Mason and Corey a few times in passing, and Nolan ate half his lunch every day as usual (and whined about not being kissed). Liam had called Scott twice—the first time he got the older boy’s voicemail. The second time he spoke with Scott’s mom who went on and on about Scott having a date (finally). So Liam guessed that was good at least. But there was one word that kept jumping into his mind over and over. Every step. Every heartbeat. No matter what he did his mind always found its way back to the one word that confused him and made everything else seem dull in comparison.

Theo.

Liam thought about trying to call him (what was his number?) or going to a gig (Chimera hadn’t been playing lately, or they were under-underground), or maybe showing up at his apartment (and risk seeing his… boyfriend). There was no clear path that he could think of that took him to the pink-haired singer. Most of their encounters had been chance—random meetings in a chaotic ocean of serendipity and fate. Now that things had changed Liam felt like his hands were empty. Like he wanted to grab hold of something and pull with all his might. Except there was nothing. Just him, and a stolen leather jacket hidden in his closet.

As he walked to school, Liam wondered if he could write Theo a note. No, that seemed too stupid. Like a little kid. Though, it would mean he would drop it off at Theo’s apartment and leave so he didn’t run into Josh. And no one would open it if it belonged to the king of punks. Probably. Though actually they might, given Nolan’s rant on how no one owned anything and really everyone should share whatever they had (chili-fries and personal letters included). Still, it was kind of his best option as things stood.

‘Guess who!’ Hands covered his eyes and brought him to a stop.

‘Mason?’ Liam guessed.

‘Try again.’ The voice wasn’t amused but the tone was familiar.

‘Kira.’

‘That wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.’ She said as she let go and stepped to the side. Before Liam could ask what she was doing the buzzer went off from the school speakers.

‘C’mon.’ She grabbed his hand and started to drag him. Liam balked as she led him away from the high school.

‘You’re going the wrong way?’

‘We’re going to the mall.’

‘But what about class—‘

‘Relax. The problematic, patriarchal, colonial system of churning out viable soldiers for our cancerous, capitalist economy will be there when you get out of bed tomorrow. Unfortunately.’

‘Okay? But if we’re going to the mall aren’t we just… feeding that system?’ Liam asked as Kira shooed him into a small car.

‘I don’t have all the answers, Liam. I’m just not blind to the systems that assign us value based on how productive we are, or what genitals we’re assumed to have.’ Kira said as she got behind the wheel.

‘Besides, it’s a complicated system that has to be dismantled and untangled in steps.’

‘Or,’ Liam said as he looked out the window, ‘You could just burn it all to the ground and like, build something new.’

Kira was silent. He turned to look at her only to find an inquisitive look on her face.

‘You know… since like, you put so much energy into fixing something that was basically built using bad ideas as bricks and cement.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Liam. Liam… As a human being I have to believe in the inherent value of creation over destruction. But I do admit that it’s a tempting idea…’ Kira said. She talked non-stop for the rest of the five minute drive to the mall about things Liam barely understood and had trouble focusing on. But Kira was like that. Mason was smart, but Kira took things to a different place. Every bit of intelligence Mason had, Kira was eager to apply to fixing all the things she saw wrong with the world. Which was a lot.

‘And here we are! About to engage in hypocrisy.’ Kira slammed the car door and dragged Liam into the mall.

He’d been the mall a few times, but it was usually Mason that brought him. Or Scott. He wasn’t sure why they were skipping school exactly but Kira was impossible to argue with. And Liam was ahead in chemistry class by a few chapters so it wouldn’t hurt to miss a bit. As he started to relax and think maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to hang out with Kira, she let out a shout and waved her hands. Liam turned his head to see what Kira was yelling about and saw a woman with brown hair aggressively chewing a wad of bubble gum. The drummer from Chimera.

Liam’s enthusiasm wilted as her steel eyes settled on him. He felt his pace slow even as Kira bolted forward and jumped into the woman’s arms. They embraced and Liam could see them exchanging fierce whispers before Kira pinched her cheek and gave it a quick kiss.

‘Hi.’ Liam said as he got closer. The drummer continued to stare at him and chew the gum like she was trying to crush it between her teeth.

‘Liam this is Malia. Malia—‘

‘Killer. I’m familiar.’ The tone was cold, and Liam winced at the nickname. A whole host of tangled emotions bubbled up inside. He shoved them away and forced a smile which made the drummer scoff and turn away. Kira shot him an apologetic look.

Malia stalked off and Kira fell back to walk beside Liam.

‘She hates me.’ Liam said.

‘She’s always grumpy in the mornings, sorry.’ Kira tried to smooth it over.

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said and they lapsed into silence as they avoided people and tried to stay close to Malia as she marched.

‘So I thought it would be nice for us to all hang out. Get some balanced perspective.’ Kira said.

‘What?’

‘You spend so much time with Nolan and Danny and Mason—it’s not healthy. You need multiple perspectives and exposure to new ideas to grow!’ Kira nodded to herself.

‘You’re not gonna just make me carry stuff?’

‘First, I’m offended at the out-dated and sexist implications of that sentence. Two, we share our burdens, Liam. We all help carry stuff. And third, if you only hang out with boys, who don’t get me wrong I love, you’re gonna miss out because there are way more interesting people around.’

‘Like you.’

‘And Malia.’

‘I don’t only hang out with boys.’ Liam said.

‘Scott’s mom barely counts.’

‘I was talking about Hayden.’ Liam said. Kira glanced at him and Liam felt like the tone had some how shifted.

‘You’ve been seeing her for a few days now.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Hows that going?’

‘I guess we get along. We don’t fight.’

‘Fighting is never a good sign in a new relationship.’ Kira said.

‘Get a move on!’ Malia yelled back at them. Kira flipped her off, earning a sly smile from the drummer.

‘Oh… Hayden and I are friends. But that’s all.’ Liam nodded.

‘Do you wanna talk about it?’

‘I dunno.’

Kira came to a stop and took Liam by the shoulder.

‘I’m going to be honest with you, Liam. You went on a big date and then you basically disappeared for a few days and we’re all dying to know what happened so… give me something.’ Kira rubbed his arm and gave a huge smile.

‘Oh. Okay.’ Liam blinked. ‘We went to the place… but they didn’t want me to come in. Because of… how uhhh…’

‘The outfit.’ Kira rubbed her temple, ‘So stupid. Of course. I was so fixated on peacock and not posh. Liam, I’m so sorry—‘

‘It’s alright. We went to her favourite spot instead. A little more low-key.’

‘Where?’

‘Across town. The Chinese place a few streets down from the flower shop.’

Kira nodded. Liam was silent but he saw Kira connecting invisible dots as her eyes widened. She looked from Malia back to Liam without saying anything. So there was something there, but Liam didn’t know what. Did Malia say something? Had Theo actually been there and told his band about it? Did Theo hate him, and did Malia hate him because of that?

‘Maybe I should go back…’

‘Not until you tell me about the date!’ Kira latched onto Liam’s arm and kept him marching forward.

‘It was okay.’

‘Liam I swear if you don’t give me at least one solid, concrete detail I’m going to give you a make over and I’m not going to be gentle.’

‘Hayden likes egg rolls.’ Liam blurted out. For a minute Kira was speechless before she burst out laughing. Malia stopped and crossed her arms, waiting for the moment to pass before resuming her journey with them slowly trailing behind.

‘That was a solid detail. But I was thinking more along the lines of you asking her out type of thing.’ Kira wiped the tears from the edge of her eyes.

‘I didn’t ask her out. She said she liked me and then it was okay I didn’t like her the same way. And then she ate my egg rolls. And my chow mein. And half of my fried rice.’ Liam frowned. He liked the fried rice the most.

‘Wow. Okay. How did she know you didn’t like her? I thought you did.’

‘I do. But… I like you, too. And Corey and Nolan.’

‘Ah.’

‘And I thought… I dunno. That I’d get better at it.’

‘I’m guessing Hayden already shook some sense into you about this? She seems more than capable.’ Kira said. Liam nodded.

‘But you’re still hanging out so it couldn’t have been that bad. It’s not like you were about to two-time her or something.’ Kira laughed.

‘Whats two-timing?’

‘Like seeing her while seeing someone else.’ Kira said. Liam frowned—was that what was happening? Sure he wasn’t with Theo (though since Hayden had mentioned it Liam was thinking about the singer more and more), but he knew his heart wasn’t with Hayden so that made him a two-timer?

Kira shot him a look.

‘You’re not seeing any one else are you?’ She asked. Liam’s brain tried to come up with several responses at once but instead of coming out one after they other they all crashed together and made a train wreck of noises and choked squeaks.

‘Liam! You are not! How did you keep this a secret?’

‘I’m not seeing him! I just—‘ All the blood in his veins froze. His heart stopped. His mind raced, trying to figure out how to cover up what just popped out of his mouth. How he could hide or run or escape or deny…

Kira’s hand was warm and soft. She didn’t speak. Instead she held up her fingers and gave Malia a look. The drummer flopped onto a nearby bench and looked happy to be distracted. Kira brought Liam around the corner and sat him in one of the massage chairs beside a big fern.

‘Liam—‘

‘It was a mistake. I misspoke. That’s all. I don’t… I’m not…’ His tongue felt thick. Ashen. He looked at Kira. She was safe and good. Her eyes were full of patience and understanding. She was waiting for him, not pressing for details. No judgement or accusations. Just a hand on his arm. And suddenly he felt stupid he needed other people to baby him and look out for him so much. Why couldn’t he just figure things out and be normal? Even with this he was clueless. Stupid. And it hurt. And suddenly he couldn’t hold all the things in, except this time instead of anger thrumming in his chest, tears came. A hot sadness that trailed down his cheeks and made him turn away. Still silent, Kira pulled some tissues out and gave them to Liam.

‘You can’t tell my dad.’ Liam’s voice was hollow and strained. ‘Can’t tell anyone.’

‘Alright. Sure. I won’t. Ever, Liam. I swear, because it’s not mine to tell. But one day if you feel ready to share just know that all of your friends—all of us, we’ll accept you no matter what.’ Kira gave a smile. Liam felt a bit calmer, but his mind was still racing. He could still take it back. Say he was confused. People went through phases growing up. Mason really loved everything about NASCAR for about two years before he grew out of it completely. Except this didn’t feel quite the same.

‘Thanks.’ Liam smiled. Kira squeezed his hand. It took Liam a minute to get himself together, but his cheeks remained hot with embarrassment about almost having a break down in the middle of the mall. When they came back to the plaza Malia hopped up and continued her walk.

‘Mason told me you know. That you saw us together.’ Kira watched Malia weave around people and shoot annoyed glares.

‘I was confused.’ Liam thought back to catching Kira and Malia making out. ‘I thought you were cheating on Mason.’

Kira chuckled. ‘He was so afraid how you’d react to him and Corey. Malia hated the whole fake dating thing, even though there’s no chance I’d get with Mason. She can be pretty jealous.’

‘I don’t think I’m gay. I just think—‘

‘We don’t have to talk about it, Liam. I think maybe you should just come with us. Go shopping. Try not to think about it and then maybe we can talk when you’re ready. Sound good?’

Liam nodded.

‘Okay. First stop is the food court because I’m buying us all smoothies!’ Kira smiled.

The smoothies were good. They would have been better if Malia took a short break from glaring at him the entire time. Still, it was interesting watching her react to Kira—one second she was shooting death and daggers at Liam and the next she was soft and tender when she looked at Kira. It almost reminded Liam of Theo. How there was an edge there just below the surface, but it could disappear quickly in the right moment and almost make Liam forget about everything else. Except Malia was very much directing that edge at him for some reason. Maybe Theo had told her that Liam stole the jacket. He had to have seen it if he was at the restaurant. Which meant that as soon as Malia got him alone she was probably going to tear him to shreds.

‘Hey Killer.’ Malia’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

‘Huh?’

‘We’re leaving.’ She said before standing. Liam scrambled to follow behind as Kira hooked her arm into Malia’s. They whispered and walked ahead and Liam shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to figure out when he could slip away. He’d apologize to Kira later, but there was no way Malia wanted him there, and the longer he stayed the more it felt like he was intruding on a date.

The mall was packed with people and Liam had a hard time keeping up with the pair. Both of them were fast walkers, and Liam tended to meander most of the time. Malia seemed to delight in leading them all into the crowded parts of the mall, like she was trying to get rid of him. Something Liam definitely welcomed, except Kira was always sure to look over her shoulder and make sure Liam was right behind them. He sighed—there wasn’t going to be any quiet escape from this.

Still, the small interactions between them drew his eye. A quick glance. A secret kiss. A quiet laugh. Their fingers dancing and then entwining—not even caring if other people saw them. A few passersby gave disapproving glares that were either ignored or met with Malia’s middle finger. Part of Liam ached when he saw this. Maybe because he was so afraid of those scowls and glares. Or maybe because he got to see how in love Kira and Malia were, and that love was rewarded with fear and hate. Which made no sense to him, and suddenly he felt lost again. Especially with what he’d said earlier. Not the name. A pronoun. The wrong pronoun according to some people. A three letter word that have given up more of himself to Kira than he’d ever let anyone know. Even his grandmother. Part of him was still reeling from it. Didn’t know what to do. And seeing the looks his friend and her girlfriend were getting set him on edge. It didn’t seem fair, any of it. The way he was. The hate of other people aimed at Malia and Kira. Theo. Liam clenched his fist and focused all of his anger into it, trying to keep steady.

He thought of Scott and tried to be calm as they walked. It was important to stay in control. To keep a tight grip on everything inside, or bad things would happen. Focusing on his footsteps helped as they turned the corner to the back end of the mall where there were less people. Liam exhaled. He managed to stay on top of the rage inside just barely.

They came to a stop as Kira checked her phone.

‘Ugh. I have to go grab something from the dry cleaner for my mom. Wait here okay?’ She looked between them. Liam gave a small nod. Malia grunted in disapproval. Kira kissed her before running up the escalator to the upper level.

‘Aw that wasn’t much of a show.’ Liam turned to see four teenager sitting on a bench near the fountain. The one that spoke was tall. Bigger than Liam and wore a sneer on his face. Malia ignored him.

‘Hey I’m talking to you.’ If Liam wasn’t so close he’d think Malia wasn’t paying any attention at all. But since he was only a foot away he could see her muscles tense slightly while appearing totally nonchalant.

‘Hey dyke!’ The guy advanced only to stop short a few feet as Malia met him mid-stride—her teeth flashing and her eyes looking for a fight.

‘You listen to me you little spit fuck—if I hear one more word out of the disgusting little baby-lipped shit hole you call a mouth I will take your entire hand, make a fist, and shove it so far up your ass you’ll be waving at people through a set of pearly whites.’

Liam watched as all the color drained from the guy’s face. He took a step back as animal instinct kicked in. He glanced back at his friends—all chuckles and smiles as he lost face. Not willing to lose his status so easily the guy turned to Liam. He’d seen that look before. The narrow eyes. The turned up lips that were forming into a sneer as the insult formed. Freak or weirdo or spaz. He was ready to shrug off whatever was about to come out of the guy’s mouth. He knew Malia was watching him. Knew she would judge him, and he didn’t care. It was better to take it and not make trouble.

‘What are you looking at,’ The words came one at a time but something in them made Liam straighten up. Something different. And he could feel tendons tightening. Bones cracking in his fists, ‘you fucking faggot.’

This time he was in control. This time he knew what he was doing. This time it was too much—with everything that had happened, with everything that he’d been thinking, fearing, avoiding. That one word unlocked something inside and instead of all he’d built coming crashing down around him, Liam stepped into the maelstrom.

His fist made contact with the guy’s jaw and sent him to the ground like a wilting flower. Liam barely had time to acknowledge the shooting pain in his knuckles when one of the guy’s buddy’s socked him in the gut. As Liam regained his breath he was vaguely aware of Malia kicking the asses of two other mall rats. A hand grabbed him and pulled him up by his longish hair. Liam winced but doubled down as he rose, swiping the guy’s nearest foot out from under him and then popping him quickly in the side of the head. The guy yelled and grabbed his ear. Liam guessed from the volume that getting hit in the ear hurt a lot more than he assumed.

The guy hissed and struggled to his feet before Malia knocked him down again. Liam turned in time to see the first guy wipe some blood off a split lip.

‘Fucking fag—‘ Liam popped him again without thinking. He went down with a groan.

‘C’mon!’ Malia grabbed him and hauled him away with a force that surprised him. Liam could hear the squawk of radios and footsteps as security closed in.

Malia hauled him with little regard for how tight she was gripping. Liam could practically feel the bruises forming as she yanked him through a fire door and onto a small side part of the roof. She kept going until they rounded another corner and went down some stairs and across the parking lot to a small brick building nearby. When they got there Malia let go of his arm, only to slam him into the brick wall. The glare was back with more intensity this time, like she was about to bite his head off. Instead of cowering like he’d normally do, Liam felt himself straighten up. There was no way he could take her, but he’d take the pain proudly.

As quick as the glare had come, it faded. Suddenly Malia was laughing. She smirked at Liam and then shook her head, looking him over as if she was just now seeing him for the first time.

‘There is it.’ She dabbed some blood off her knuckles as her breath caught up with her. ‘At first I thought he was crazy. I didn’t see it. Until now anyway.’

‘See what?’

‘He called you Killer for a reason.’ Malia said. Liam stiffened.

‘I don’t… like that name very much.’

Malia shrugged. ‘I don’t like Shark Tank, but here I am.’

‘Shark Tank?’

‘Theo loves his pet names. Killer.’ She leaned against the wall beside him. It always came back to Theo. Even as his mind raced and he wanted to think about what he’d just done and the trouble he was going to be in if they caught them, Liam still thought about Theo. Maybe Hayden was right.

‘Why do you hate me?’ He asked. Malia was in a talkative mood, now was a better time than any to ask.

‘I don’t hate you. You were just nothing. Another fake in a sea of fakes. And Theo, I thought he’d lost it. Or you’d finally managed to fool the big bad wolf somehow.’ Malia nodded, ‘But I see I was wrong.’

She pushed off the wall and glanced at Liam.

‘I thought all you were was an act. A pity party brought to life. But it’s not that. Not after seeing you go all out like that. No… more like. A wounded animal.’

‘Me?’

Malia smiled. So many teeth. But she seemed happy. Excited even.

‘Usually they don’t lost long. Too soft. He chews them up. Spits them out. Maybe doesn’t mean to. But if you ask me what he needs is someone that will bite back.’

‘Okay?’

She clapped Liam on the back and smiled. Liam was used to people talking over his head or behind his back but this was some other level he wasn’t plugged into. It ended quickly as Kira started to blow both of their phones up.

‘Got to pick up my fox.’ Malia smiled. ‘Coming?’

‘I’m gonna go home.’ Liam said as he shoved his phone into his pocket.

‘Cool.’ She turned and started to walk away. As Liam pushed off the brick wall and headed to the parking lot Malia called his name. He turned and waited. She gave him a sly grin.

‘Don’t take too long fucking around. Got it?’ The intensity in her eyes demanded an answer. Liam didn’t look away. Couldn’t look away. So he nodded. Her gaze lingered a second longer and when she finally looked satisfied, she turned and kept on walking.

He spent the rest of the day wandering. A few quick texts to Kira let her know he was heading home. She was just as supportive and brash in her texts as real life. It took Liam awhile to type things out on the old flip phone Scott had given him but it was good to have a phone at least. As Kira’s responses becomes less frequent he was sure that his friend was talking to Malia. Or at least was distracted by the mysterious drummer. Liam didn’t know if they’d ever really be friends exactly. But it felt like Malia didn’t want to murder him now, so that was a positive step.

Earlier in the day he’d meant to return to school, but now he didn’t feel like it. The guilt of not going was still there but it was a whisper compared to the loud noise it once was. It felt like something inside had snapped into place somehow. Like a disjointed limb had found where it belonged. Except Liam wasn’t sure what it was exactly. There was a bit of numbness, like when he turned everything off. But he was still there. Still Liam.

He flexed his hand—the phantom of pain was still there. Usually when he was hitting someone he was numb and the pain didn’t quite reach him. Not like this. It hurt. But it also felt real. Rooted him to the actions he’d taken. The words that the guy had used, Liam had heard them before. But not since his blunder talking to Kira. And it was so fresh. He wasn’t sure if that’s what made the difference or something else. Either way he felt a bit lighter. There was still a huge weight pressing down on him from far above, but somehow it was less this time. More bearable. At least for now.

The car was in the driveway when Liam got home, but it was in a different spot. Which meant his dad had come home, left, and come home again. There were no other cars but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a deacon or two in there with him. At least he didn’t have a black eye this time. No real blood or scrapes that would be hard to explain.

Liam peeked inside. He could hear voices, so it meant his dad was definitely not alone.

‘—time to do something.’ His dad came to the end of whatever rant he was on. Liam recognized two of the congregation sitting on the couch. They gave him polite smiles. His dad turned a stern gaze towards him.

‘Do you know what time it is?’

‘No.’ Liam said. Because he didn’t. His dad seemed to get angry at the one word response.

‘You were supposed to be helping with the youth group today.’ The accusation in the tone was familiar, but unlike the pain it didn’t reach him. At least not like it used to.

‘I forgot.’ Which was true. And his dad seemed happy at the admission of the fault.

‘I don’t think I want to help with the youth group anymore.’ Liam said. The woman on the sofa sputtered into her drink.

‘You have responsibilities.’

‘Exactly.’ Liam said, ‘Exams are a few weeks away and I really need to study.’

His dad looked from Liam to the few other people in the room. A silent exchange Liam picked up on but couldn’t figure out.

‘Alright. That makes sense. Besides, I have something else important for you to help with starting tomorrow.’

‘What is it?’

‘Never mind. We’ll talk at breakfast.’ The tone was final. Liam hesitated. The brief moment of noncompliance was enough to enrage his dad, even though he kept it under tight reign. Part of Liam cowered, but a slightly bigger part waited a few seconds longer. Testing. Daring. Then—

‘Goodnight.’ He turned and went up the stairs.

It was only when he closed the door to his bed room did he exhale. His hands and feet were on auto pilot, moving to the closet. Digging deep until finger tips touched soft, worn leather. As the night settled around him and the drone of voices below faded into the background, a smile came to Liam's face all on its own.

Chapter Text

‘Liam!’ Mason hissed and drove his elbow into Liam’s side. Liam grunted and turned to look at his best friend. They were in chemistry class and the teacher was droning on and on about covalent bonds or something, but Liam’s mind was wandering between the strained conversation he had with his dad and the feeling of wearing Theo’s jacket. And Theo himself, of course. So much that he hadn’t been paying much attention to what was going on. And now that he’d gotten a jab in the ribs he turned his full attention towards Mason, who looked incredibly nervous. Liam glanced up at Corey looking over Mason’s shoulder, seemingly trying to encourage his boyfriend.

‘What are you doing at lunch?’ Mason asked.

‘Eating.’

‘Yeah, I know just… do you wanna come eat lunch with us. Somewhere else?’ Mason glanced back at Corey who gave an encouraging smile.

‘Okay, sure.’ Liam said.

‘Mr. Dunbar, why don’t you come up to the board as show u where the electrons would be in this simple molecule.’ Liam sighed. He hated chemistry.

Time seemed to slow down after Mason yanked Liam out of his thoughts. Each class lasted three times longer than usual and it was agonizing trying to keep his mind on track enough to write down coherent notes. When the lunch buzzer finally sounded Liam felt like all of his breath escaped in relief. He headed outside to find Mason so they could go wherever the other boy planned for them to eat.

Lunch was a peanut better and jam sandwich with an apple and some carrot sticks, because that was all that was left in the fridge and it was quick and easy. He’d have to put more effort into his lunch again since eating the same thing over and over was getting old. Which was a change of attitude from a few months ago when the routine and simplicity would have given him comfort and reassurance.

‘Hey Liam, are you joining us today?’ Hayden smiled at him.

‘Huh?’ He was puzzled. Hayden faltered for a second.

‘Didn’t Mason talk to you in first period?’

‘Yeah, he did.’

‘Good. C’mon!’ She guided him back into the school and took several turns until they stopped outside of Mr. Hale’s room. Without a knock Hayden opened the door and walked in. Liam hesitated for a second before he followed.

Mason and Corey were sitting next to each other, and Kira had her feet up on a desk. Nolan was pestering Danny to share some of his lunch, and three other kids were huddled around a desk near the back playing some kind of card game.

As Liam took it all in Mr. Hale entered. He glanced up at Liam and gave a small nod before sitting at his desk and opening his lunch. Liam was half listening to Hayden and Mason argue over some kind of theoretical math problem while he watched his teacher unpack his food. Mr. Hale’s facial expressions ranged from surprised, to smirking, to unamused. Liam was surprised to see so much food sitting on the best when he finished.

‘Earth to Liam! What’s up with you lately?’ Mason asked.

‘Sorry. I’m just hungry.’ Liam mumbled and sat in an empty desk.

‘He didn’t hear any of that.’ Hayden folded her arms as she stared at Mason. The boy rolled his eyes.

‘You’ve been here for 2 weeks and you already think you run everything here.’

‘Someone has to!’

‘I was doing just fine before you.’

‘Yeah you and your two members.’ Hayden rolled her eyes.

‘What’s going on?’ Liam frowned.

‘Welcome to our little pack.’ Kira said from behind her phone.

‘Pack?’

‘What Kira means, is that is the Beacon Hills High Gay Straight Alliance.’ Mr. Hale picked up a container and took a cautious sniff before setting it aside.

‘No good?’ Nolan asked.

‘Stiles is lots of things but he’s not a very good cook.’ Danny snorted, earning a brief glance from Mr. Hale.

‘This is a what?’ Liam looked around the room—it seemed normal like it always did.

‘GSA. Gay Straight Alliance. A place where queer kids and straight kids can be safe and work together.’ Mason said.

‘Some people don’t like that word.’ Kira said.

‘What, straight?’ Nolan snorted. Kira threw a pencil at him, earning a stern grumble from Mr. Hale.

‘So, like a club.’ Liam frowned.

‘Exactly.’ Mason smiled.

‘A club that you’re all in.’ More nods. ‘And that you didn’t invite me to.’

‘We are now!’ Nolan smiled.

‘Why now?’

‘We know you’re cool.’ Nolan said. Liam’s eyes shot towards Kira. The look she returned was subtle—a slight shake of the head. She hadn’t told them anything.

‘He means you’re okay with me and Corey. And Kira and Malia… and Danny and… whoever.’ Mason said.

‘Resentment.’ Danny raised a finger.

‘Sustained.’ Kira held her finger up. Mason rolled his eyes.

‘So I’m invited now.’ Liam said. The anger must have seeped out into his tone because they were all looking at him.

‘Yeah… well… we would have invited you before but…’

‘You didn’t know if I was going to freak out.’ Liam crossed his arms. They’d all lied to him. Meeting behind his back. He’d heard them before and didn’t realize what was going on. How could he have been so stupid? And now they decided to let him in on their little secret? Because he’d passed a test? Did they really think he would turn on them so easily?

‘Liam it’s not like that—‘ Mason tried to think of a different way to say it but nothing came. The rest of the group looked on, uncomfortable.

‘And you all agreed to just… lie to me?’ Liam asked.

‘We didn’t lie. Not exactly.’ Nolan’s eye contact was fleeting at best.

‘Liam, maybe Mason didn’t make the best decision, but I’ll ask you to consider things from the other side before you get too angry.’ Mr. Hale tilted his glasses down to look at the group of students in front of him.

‘What do you mean?’ Liam’s anger caught up itself and twisted into a knot. He pushed it down—Mr. Hale was impartial, and he had always been fair and kind.

‘Your friends…’ Mr. Hale set his glasses aside. ‘Growing up different is hard. Imagine every day pretending to be someone you’re not. Or hiding parts of yourself just to get through the day safely. That at any time you don’t know if the people around you will react out of fear and hatred. Or worse, violence. Sometimes we err on the side of being overly cautious. Does that make sense?’

Liam frowned. It wasn’t hard for him to imagine at all. In fact, that was how he lived his entire life, every day. At least until recently. How could that be true, when all of his friends seemed so much happier than he was, so much more free? They were hiding, just like he was. But not from each other. Just the rest of the world. And Liam was a part of that world, mainly because of his father. His father. Everything seemed to come back to him over and over. Suddenly his anger became a burning hot ember and settled on the memories of yelling. Of behind hit. Of being scared. His friends were like him, he didn’t need to be angry with them.

As the anger faded and found a new home, all that was left was the hurt. Which Liam wore clearly on his face.

‘It’s okay.’ He hated the sound of his voice. Liam reached down and grabbed his backpack, heading to the door.

‘Liam…’ Mason looked worried. Guilty. Liam forced a smile.

‘I’m okay.’ He looked towards Mr. Hale who was waiting patiently.

‘If it’s alright can I come back tomorrow at lunch?’

‘You’re welcome here anytime you need a safe place, Liam.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam mumbled. He stepped outside and closed the door. He knew they would talk about him, and that made his stomach squirm. But it wasn’t his fault. None of it was his fault. Maybe it would make them feel bad. That made Liam queasy. But he powered through it—there was nothing he could except ride it out and return tomorrow. Until then he’d keep to himself.

Liam had managed to avoid Mason and the others until the end of the day. He’d ducked out a few minutes early to grab his bike. He needed to think of other things. He didn’t want to think of his father and the church, whatever they were up he wanted no part in. He didn’t want to think of Mason or Nolan or any of them.

The thought popped into his head. Theo’s smile. His lips. Liam tried to blink it away but the image reminded. Theo would never treat him like this, like his friends had treated him. Theo wouldn’t lie to him. Except he didn’t say anything about Josh. But why should he have? It wasn’t technically any of Liam’s business. And it clearly was not a secret. Theo understood him, at least better than the people around him seemed to. He needed to fix things with the older boy. The leather jacket that he slept with every night came to mind. He needed to return it.

‘What the fuck did you do to him?’ Jackson was there suddenly storming towards Liam, fury clear in his eyes.

‘What?’

‘Theo! What did you do?’

‘Nothing!’ Liam backed away. Jackson didn’t let up. Liam pushed his bike in the punk’s way and turned to bolt, but after two giant steps he ran directly into a metal pole of a stop sign. His nose and face tingled for a second. As feeling returned Liam realized he was laying on the ground, and Jackson was standing over him with crossed arms, looking down.

‘Jesus fucking christ. Not another one.’ Liam heard him mumble under his breath right before Jackson reached down and hauled him up the the arm pits. Liam glanced around for an escape route—he didn’t know what Jackson wanted but on the best days the punk was acerbic. At worst murder lived in each glance he shot at the world. This seemed to be one of those times.

‘Calm the fuck down. Shit.’ Now he sounded more annoyed than angry. He raked a hand through his hair, then pulled out a cigarette before lighting up. Liam reached for his bike. Jackson pushed it back to the ground with a heavy boot. He blew out a plume of smoke as his eyes narrowed.

‘You tell Theo to get his shit together. I’m not doing this again.’ Jackson said.

‘What?’

‘This,’ Jackson waved his hands around and slowed down when it became clear Liam wasn’t getting it. He stopped and made a circle with his thumb and finger, and then thrust a free finger through it several times. Liam felt his cheeks flush.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘C’mon blue eyes, you weren’t the first and you won’t be the last.’ Jackson laughed. ‘Oh, sorry. Did you think you were the first?’

‘I’m… what?’

‘God he likes ‘em dumb. Fucking, idiot! As in, you’re not the first guy Theo’s fucked. Fuck. Honestly I don’t quite get it. I mean, you do got that “corrupt the innocent” type thing going on so maybe that’s it.’

‘Theo’s just…’ A friend? Was that true, were they friends? Then why had Liam been avoiding him. He was treating Theo the same way Mason and the others had treated him. Afraid, but wanting to be around him all of the time. That wasn’t what friends did. And it wasn’t just that. Theo was… maybe something different? Liam was still figuring that out, and now Jackson was going crazy because something was wrong. With Theo.

‘What happened?’ Liam stepped closer which took Jackson off guard. ‘Is Theo okay?’

‘What? Shit. Yes! He’s just… you should know.’

‘I don’t. I don’t know. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but if there’s something wrong with Theo you better tell me now.’ The anger punched through the fear like a lit cigarette and Liam could feel the blood forced out of his knuckles as his fists tightened.

‘Fuck. Calm down. Okay? I just thought… you were around and then… shit.’ Jackson put his cigarette out on the bottom of his boot. ‘Sorry.’

Liam didn’t care about sorry. He didn’t care about anything except the fact that one of Theo’s friends approached him out of nowhere about the pink-haired singer acting strangely and he still hadn’t gotten any answers.

‘He’s fine. Mostly.’ Jackson said, sheepish now. ‘He’s mopey. Depressed. Pissed off. He’s been… kind taking things too far on stage sometimes. I just thought maybe you two hooked up or something. Or maybe he just gets off on hurting himself.’

‘He’s hurt?’ Liam searched Jackson’s face.

‘Jesus kid. You’re legit, aren’t you? Fuck. No. He’s fine. He’s… sad. Or whatever.’

‘And you thought I could snap him out of it?’

‘No, idiot! I thought he was railing you and you were dicking him around or something! I was gonna beat the shit out of you and tell you to piss off. But since you have nothing to do with it, just keep away, alright?’ Jackson turned and stalked away.

‘Waste of fucking time.’ Liam heard him mutter as he disappeared up the block.

Liam felt his fingers grab for his bike and lift it off the ground, but his mind was somewhere else. He remembered sneaking into the show last week, the week before? Looking down on Theo as he sang until his voice was a hoarse cry. When the older boy took glass and cut into his own skin. Why hadn’t Liam gone to him then? What had he been so afraid? It was because he was weak. He was worthless. He was—

—No. That wasn’t true. Mostly. Maybe a part of it was true, but not like this—not like an all-consuming cloud that took up ever inch of his heart. He was afraid because Theo woke up something inside. A thing Liam had no name for but it was hot and cold, terrifying and beautiful at the same time. It made his heart ram into his ribs, and a thousand different prayers snap to the surface of his mind. Words wrapped around his head like a bitter halo—words that filled his ears, put there by his father. The church. His own faith. Except now he was starting to realize that maybe that too wasn’t entirely true. Not entirely his.

As Liam climbed onto his bike and started to peddle the world shifted a little, or maybe he was the one that shifted. He hadn’t gone to Theo then, but he could go to him now. The thought came with a burst of adrenaline and an ocean of uncertainty. He didn’t dare go to Theo’s apartment—what if he ran into Josh? What would he say? His tongue was hot and a hundred cruses sat at the back of his teeth on the tip of a wave of anger. He pushed it away. There was no reason to be angry at Josh. Josh hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d have to try harder to come up with a plan. Maybe Mason could help him, or Scott even. Mason might ask too many questions, though it wasn’t like Scott wouldn’t either. But at least he knew Scott was more open to saying yes. The man was less judgemental when it came to Theo for reasons Liam could only guess at this point.

Liam came to a screeching halt and turned the bike suddenly—if he cut through the back of the next few blocks he’d be at Scott’s place.

‘Slow down.’ Scott held up the knife. Peanut butter dripped down onto his arm. He frowned and wiped it off. Liam was pacing in the kitchen as Scott tried to make a sandwich.

‘You want to what?’ Scott asked.

‘I want to talk to him.’

‘To Theo?’

‘Yes.’

‘Okay. So why are you here?’

‘I… I don’t know.’

‘Liam, what’s going on?’ Scott took a bite of his sandwich.

Liam chewed his lip. He could trust Scott. But he was still afraid.

‘I was mad. At everyone. I snuck off to see Chimera… to see Theo sing.’ Liam said.

‘Why did you sneak off? You could just watch him play whenever he was singing.’ Scott sat down and beckoned Liam to do the same.

‘I didn’t want him to see me. See him.’

‘Why not?’

‘The other day…’ Liam felt the thoughts buzzing in his mind like angry hornets. Thoughts that were not his own. Words from his father, from the church and congregation. He pushed them aside.

‘It’s okay.’ Scott smiled. Liam exhaled.

‘I was walking him home. And he was singing to me.’

‘Theo? He was singing to you?’ Scott looked thoughtful suddenly, fingers tapping on the kitchen island.

‘And I thought… I dunno. And then we got to his place. But Josh was there and they kissed and I got mad—‘

‘Whoa! Wait. Slow down Liam. You’re going to have to give me a bit more detail there. Who’s Josh and who was kissing who?’ The sandwich was now forgotten.

‘Josh was at Theo’s place and he kissed Theo.’ Liam mumbled.

‘And that made you mad.’ Scott said. Liam nodded. He waited for the follow up question that would pry him open and expose him but it never came. Instead Scott had a look on his face. Kind of like he was thinking of something, or remembering something. All he had for Liam was a sad smile. They sat in silence for a moment before Scott nodded at him, as if he understood.

‘What do you need me to do?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know. I… do you know where he is, right now?’

Scott looked at his phone to check the time.

‘It’s Thursday so he’s probably just getting off his second job.’ Scott set the phone down. Liam’s eyes narrowed a bit. Theo had a second job? More than that, a whole world that Liam didn’t know about or have access to. But Scott seemed to, even though they were… something in the past. And parted on not great terms from what Liam was guessing. But Scott was still close, and he was telling Liam how to enter that world right now.

‘He always goes to the cafe up the street from where he works. Sometimes he sings if they let him.’ Scott chuckled. ‘They usually do.’

Liam teetered on the edge of his seat. All the stuff at school, all the things in his life, all of it was to the side in a fog. The only thing that felt clear right now was Theo.

‘If you hurry now, you’ll probably catch him.’ Scott nodded to the door. Liam hesitated for a moment. Scott didn’t have to help him, didn’t have to be so nice. Liam would have to think of a way to repay him if he could ever.

‘Thank you.’ It was all he had for now.

Liam stood in front of the flower shop he’d visited every month. How long had Theo worked here without him knowing? How many times had he been in the back, moving pots of soil when Liam had been picking out flowers for his grandmother? It made him think but not enough to draw his full attention. Instead everything stopped when he saw a shock of pink hair emerge from the back door. His mouth went dry as he watched the singer move. Theo looked worn down. Tired. He hadn’t shaved in a few days.

Liam wanted to move but his feet refused. Instead he watched as Theo pulled on a beaten up old bomber jacket. He grabbed a guitar case covered in stickers and patches before yelling his goodbyes into the rear of the store and walking off around the corner away from Liam. By the time Liam could move again, Theo was gone. Liam scrambled to catch up. He darted around the corner, nearly running into a woman walking her dog.

Mumbling apologies Liam scanned the street—Theo was nowhere to be seen. His feet itched. What had Scott said about a cafe? Some place Theo went to sing after work every day. He turn to the right and took several steps—there were three nice coffee shops in this direction. The thought halted him mid-stride. They weren’t places Theo would feel comfortable in. Liam spun around and bolted in the opposite direction.

As he ran his mind raced—there were a handful of places Theo might be in this direction. His feet hammered the cement as he stopped at each cafe and looking inside long enough to spot a flash of pink hair and a guitar. Nothing again and again.

Liam’s heart pounded as he came to the final cafe on the street. What if Theo had taken a turn and went in a different direction? No time to think. Liam’s chest heaved as he saw the large window covered in stickers. One of them was a faded and peeling rainbow. It was hard to see inside with the sun glinting off of the glass, but Theo had to be inside. There was no other option.

The door opened as two women walked out chatting and smiling. The brief moment the door was open Liam caught the sound of an acoustic guitar being tuned. And then the gravely sound of Theo’s voice asking for a glass of water.

He was a hundred miles away. A thousand. Liam’s hand reached out and pulled the door open as he stepped into the cafe and across the threshold. Whatever he saw, whatever was about to happen was going to change things. The anxiety inside of him twisted around like a thick, black snake trying to squeeze him to death. But Liam wasn’t there. Wasn’t inside of himself—he was gone. Gone ahead into the dim cafe with worn floorboards and mismatched chairs. To the corner where a boy with pink hair was beginning a song, eyes downcast. Looking away. Not seeing Liam sit down at the empty table across the room. Waiting. Always waiting.

But not anymore.

Chapter Text

Liam couldn’t move. When he thought about it there was no reason to shift his weight or adjust his posture even slightly—as he listened to Theo play his guitar and sing to the three or four people in the cafe Liam felt like he was floating somewhere outside of himself in a calm place. Warm sunlight. The smell of coffee. The lingering scent of leather on his t-shirt from Theo’s jacket. The quiet clink of ceramic mugs—each moment coming together into a texture that formed a stage. One that Theo Raeken was perched on the edge of, looking down at his feet as he sang. To Liam it was like seeing parts of the pink-haired singer he’d never imagined—Theo clean down to the bone in places, and different skin in others. A devious smile, a quick smirk—the things he was used to seeing were replaced by lips faintly mouthing words while fingers moved with firm grace along the frets of the guitar. Coaxing sound from metal and turning it into music.

It happened when Theo stopped to reach for the glass of water on the stool beside him. Green eyes moving slowly—uncaring. Finding Liam there in the corner, out of place. Brow knitting together in confusion at the sight of him, and then just like that, Theo relaxed. Liam watched him bring the glass to his lips. Watched Theo’s throat move as he took a deep drink. The singer paused a moment to gather himself up before he launched into another song—this time looking at Liam the entire time, as if the words were meant for him and him alone. Just like before when they were walking through the park. The same feeling came back and Liam pressed clammy palms down on his knees.

Theo’s voice changed along with his posture. Going from beaten down to hopeful. Cautious. Vocals of gravel and barbed wire. Tearing through the air with each word. Liam didn’t understand. He thought everything would come into focus here if he just saw Theo again, but instead there were a hundred new worries and thoughts in his mind. A thousand aches he didn’t have the name for as he listened to Theo sing. It took Liam a minute before realizing that Theo had finished and was putting his guitar away. Without thinking he shot to his feet and clapped, which earned a curious glance from one of the bored baristas, indifference from the other, and a dirty look from the old man trying to read nearby. Liam felt his hot flare pink as he sank back into his chair.

‘Hey.’ Theo was standing beside him suddenly. Liam’s eyes darted up, then away, then back as if they couldn’t stand not to keep Theo in sight.

‘Hi.’

‘Anyone sitting here?’ Theo asked.

‘Oh, I don’t know.’

‘But you are, right? Sitting here.’ The more Liam’s face flushed the more Theo’s smile grew.

‘I guess. Yes.’ Liam nodded to himself. Theo set the guitar case aside and plunked down into the seat across from Liam. The silence between them grew slowly, like a shy flower. Not uneasy, but unsure. Waiting for the cool dew and golden light. It was out of place on Theo, and Liam didn’t dare open his mouth for fear of breaking the moment. Waking up in his bed and this all being a dream. All the times his friends had warned him off Theo, away from him, and here he was in front of him. Next to him.

Liam looked up again to find a quiet smile on the singer’s face as he rested his chin in his palm, elbow tilting forward slightly.

‘What?’ Liam asked.

‘Nothing. It’s just… Never thought I’d see you here.’

‘Why?’ Liam mumbled.

Theo shrugged and looked away. There was still something there in the way. A wall. A fortress. It was easy to forget in the good moments but when Theo became distant the reminder that Liam was still technically a stranger in the punk’s life hit him with an impact he struggled to hide.

‘No one really knows I come here. You’re the first… one of the first that’s ever come here.’

‘But not the first?’ Liam asked.

‘Scott used to come but that was a long time ago.’ Theo spoke without looking at him, as if eye contact would reveal a lie, a trick. Or some secret he didn’t want Liam to get close to.

‘He told me.’ Liam threw it out between them—Scott was clearly important to Theo. They were important to each other once, and if his friend’s name could draw Theo out of his aloof mood then Liam had no qualms about using it.

‘He did?’ The surprise in Theo’s voice was genuine. He tilted back in his chair and chewed on his lip. Narrow eyes studied Liam carefully before the chair rocked back and clacked on the hard floor. ‘That’s interesting.’

‘Why?’

‘Scott is… Scott is the kind of person that likes to help no matter what. Even if people are stupid and he ends up getting hurt, he still helps.’

‘And my being here… it helps?’ Liam tried to piece things together. Theo’s chuckle pulled him out of his musing. It wasn’t a cruel chuckle, more like he was amused with Liam. Happy. Like they were playing a game, but Theo was far ahead of Liam in that department. It’d taken him countless weeks to figure out pretty much all of the people around him were queer (a word that Mason approved of but one Kira did not). Still, the urge to know more, to get closer to Theo was greater than it had ever been, and that desire far outweighed Liam’s potential embarrassment.

Theo shot him a sad smile. He leaned back and reached for his hard shell. He was leaving. Slipping away like he always did. Except this time Liam’s hands darted forward without a second thought.

Theo’s froze as Liam’s hand closed around his own. Liam felt a jolt. A pang. The look on Theo’s face was one he knew well, because he had felt it himself many times—when his father was pacing around, ranting. When he might explode at any second with a cuff to Liam’s head or a quick slap of disapproval. And it hurt that Theo had felt that feeling before, and that now he felt it because of Liam. Instinct screamed to let go, to end the distress he was causing. But something else made him hold on tighter. Not look away.

Theo’s shoulders slowly settled. The fear left his eyes and uncertainty came in its place. Liam looked down at the singer’s hands—tattoos and scars. Knuckles scabbed like he’d been punching cement and stone. Finger tips callused. Rough. Nails covered in chipped, black nail polish.

‘You’re warm.’ Liam muttered.

‘You know what they say, warm hands, cold heart.’ Theo’s voice was strained. A hoarse whisper.

‘That’s not true.’ Liam’s attention was on the ink covering Theo’s skin. There were so many, each different from the last.

‘I like your tattoos.’

‘Thanks.’

‘When did you start? Getting them I mean.’

‘Pretty young.’ Theo’s eyes darted away again. Being vague. Usually a good liar, somehow when Liam was holding the singer’s hand it was much easier to see through.

‘How young is that?’

Theo hesitated, then leaned back and gently lifted the hem of his shirt with his free hand to expose his torso. Fingers coming to rest on a rough tattoo of three wolves. Or dogs. They were all together, playing maybe. Or maybe they were afraid and cowering. Liam couldn’t decide.

‘Twelve.’

‘You found someone to tattoo you when you were twelve?’ Liam wanted to reach out and touch the ink. Part of him wondered if the wolves would come to life and run and play with the other images on Theo’s skin—a bat, a skull, knives and daggers. Claws. Fangs. Words he did not understand.

Theo studied Liam for a minute before answering.

‘No. A friend did it. At least I thought she was a friend.’ Theo yanked his shirt down.

‘She hurt you?’

‘Well yeah, tattoos—sharp ink-covered needle piercing your skin over and over. Of course it hurts.’ Theo smirked. Hiding.

‘Not what I meant.’ Liam said, and it was too much. Theo pulled his hand back like he’d been burned.

The sound of soft jazz filled the air as the barista changed the playlist. A woman helped her kids pick out treats from the baked goods display. The espresso machine hissed—something that normally would make Liam jump but everything he had was focused on Theo across the table.

‘I’m sorry.’ He managed.

Theo was studying him again. He watched as Theo licked his lips, thinking and thinking. Fingers tapping on the table to some inaudible song.

‘You wanna get outta here?’ He asked finally. Liam nodded. Theo grinned and stashed his guitar behind the counter. The barista said nothing, so Liam assumed it was a regular thing.

‘Let’s go.’ Theo winked.

The talk was thin and easy as they walked. Liam was afraid of saying something stupid, but the questions were easy and didn’t seem to have a right or wrong. He barely noticed Theo was asking all of the questions and not really answering any of Liam’s. Still, it was nice to just spend time together.

The wind had settled outside and the streets were slowly filling with people going out for dinner and whatever else the city had to offer before the bars opened their arms in welcome. At least for people old enough to drink. Liam followed Theo down the cracked cement that made up the sidewalk. At first he though they were going to Theo’s place, which had too many memories that were fresh in Liam’s mind. In fact, now that he’d see Theo face-to-face, dozens of questions filled his head but he was worried if he asked Theo would smile like he always did and then disappear again. Except last time it had been Liam that disappeared. His choice. Because… he didn’t need to think about that right now.

‘Coming?’ Theo had stopped a dozen steps ahead and looked over his shoulder at him.

‘Sorry.’ Liam mumbled.

They walked towards the neighbourhood where Theo lived, and Liam’s anxiety grew. But as they approached the main drag Theo took a turn and went towards a small footpath that led into the trees.

‘Where we going?’ Liam looked at the enormous trees that towered over them. It was still light enough to see everything but how long were they going to be in the woods? What if he needed to leave? What if Theo left and he had to find the way back on his own? Liam started to memorize the details of the trail as they walked.

‘The woods.’

‘Oh.’

‘You afraid you’re gonna meet the big bad wolf?’ Theo chuckled.

‘No.’ Liam scoffed. Were there wolves here? That was a joke, he was pretty sure.

‘Watch your step.’ Theo hopped over a large root crossing the path. Liam walked around it.

The wildlife preserve was near by—a nice place to take a stroll, or explore the many paths along the outside edges, but deeper in it wasn’t as managed and patrolled. And along the far side where they were going there had been a series of raids on a handful of pot farms in the news a few months ago. Some kids had been taken to the hospital after one place got trashed. Liam hoped Theo wasn’t leading them anywhere dangerous. But he wouldn’t, would he? Well, knowing the singer’s daring attitude it was a possibility. After all, Theo was brave enough to get bitten by a raccoon.

‘Not much farther.’ Theo said as the hiked up a small path. Liam managed to keep his footing until they got to the top. He looked down at peaks and valleys that were made of sand. A small desert in the middle of the forest.

‘What is it?’

‘Gravel quarry.’ Theo said, ‘It’s been abandoned for a few years. No one comes here really.’ Theo shrugged before jumping over the edge and sliding down the gravel to the pit below.

Liam hovered at the edge. Theo came to a stop at the bottom and tumbled, feet flipping over his head as he came to a stop on the ground and hooted with laughter. Liam’s heart jumped. He watched as Theo sat up and waved to him.

‘C’mon!’

The ground definitely wasn’t safe—it was made of loose gravel. Still, Theo might be more hurt than he let on. If he was careful enough he could get down to the bottom without falling.

The first step was shaky. The second more so, and then before Liam could get his bearings, he went flying. Somehow he managed to stay mostly upright—palms connecting with the small rocks a few times to keep balance as he plummeted to his doom. Except it wasn’t doom at all that caught him—it was Theo.

Theo grinned down at him as his pink hair fell across his face. Liam felt something well up inside again as the punk lifted him up by the armpits and got him standing. Liam watched as Theo turned and started to wander.

The gravel pit seemed small from the ledge but now that he was in it, it seemed enormous. There were a few derelict buildings nearby and two giant dump trucks that were mostly rust. Graffiti covered the cement blocks that were stacked in a pile near what Liam imagined was once the gate to the quarry.

Theo waved for him to catch up and Liam found himself trotting over. This was Theo’s special place—where he came to be alone and to think. Or maybe tag. Or smoke. Either way it was something new that he found out about the singer. And for some reason that made him feel special.

‘Holler.’ Theo gestured to the small pool of water that sat at the bottom of the old pit and the high cliffs that flanked it.

‘What?’

‘YELL!’ Theo’s voice boomed and echoed off the cliffs. His threw a sly grin at Liam and waved at the empty space. Liam took a step forward and opened his mouth, then closed it. He felt stupid.

‘Hey, it’s fun.’ Theo’s voice was low. His hand was warm on Liam’s shoulder. Suddenly Liam’s heart was racing again. All the emotions whirling around inside confused him. Theo confused him. Everything with Mason and the others confused him. All of it rose up along with a splinter of the hot anger that lived somewhere deep down inside with all the other things. They came to the back of his teeth and tore loose from Liam’s lips as he yelled into the growing shadows of the earth and soil. The sound reverberated—a ghost destined to fade and die as the fore behind it bled away into night and air. Liam’s face split into a grin, but when he turned back to Theo there was a dark expression there, mostly unreadable. Gone the moment he realized Liam was checking him out.

‘Didn’t think you had it in you. But you do.’ The last part confused Liam, but Theo moved and spoke in a way that made him light up, even if he didn’t fully understand. Because it was hard enough understanding anyone with their double talk and sarcasm. Theo was cryptic, but a good cryptic. A quality that made Liam want to know more and more and more. To be close. Like he was now.

Suddenly he felt his cheeks burn hot.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ Liam mumbled as he fiddled with his watch.

‘You have to go?’ Theo stood close. Liam shook his head.

‘Your girlfriend’s not waiting?’ The words were a whisper, and to anyone else maybe they would seem terse. Like something tossed away without a care. But Liam felt the thorns hidden there—small and sharp. Wondering and wounded.

‘Girlfriend?’ Liam frowned.

‘I saw you on your date the other night.’

‘Oh.’

‘She’s pretty.’

‘Yeah.’

‘You’re lucky.’

‘I am?’

‘You got a smoking hot girlfriend, of course you are! And she… you looked pretty happy. With her.’ Theo nudged a stone into the water. Liam watched the ripples widen and then disappear.

‘Hayden. She’s Hayden.’

‘Cool.’

‘And she’s not my… my girlfriend.’ Liam said.

‘Looked like she was.’

‘I mean, maybe she wanted to be? I think.’ Liam said.

‘But she’s not.’

‘Just friends. A nice friend.’

‘A nice friend with benefits?’ Theo looked up at him.

‘Well she helps me with school projects.’ Liam nodded. He wasn’t prepared for Theo to burst out laughing. Normally when he said something and people laughed, Liam would feel self-conscious. Stupid. Like he’d said something he didn’t mean or understand. With Theo it made him smile. Maybe because he knew Theo wasn’t laughing at him. Not like other people did.

‘No I mean like me and J—‘ Theo trailed off.

‘You and Josh?’ Liam asked. Who else could it be? When Theo nodded Liam felt proud he’d pieced it together on his own, but he was still confused.

‘Yeah. Listen. About the other day when he was there…’

‘It’s okay.’

‘No it’s not. He wasn’t supposed to be there. And he wasn’t supposed to… he thinks we’re going out. But we’re not. Even after I explained it a dozen times.’ Theo biffed a rock over the water into the soft mud of the cliff.

‘But you share benefits.’

‘Jeez you really are a preacher’s kid, aren’t you?’ Theo smirked.

‘I guess.’

‘You really don’t know what I mean?’

‘Sure. Kinda. Well, not really. It’s making out, right?’

Theo was close suddenly and his eyes were so green. The sun was starting to set and the sky was pink, just like his hair. Theo’s hand reached up and brushed the hair away from the side of Liam’s neck before resting there. Warm and heavy.

‘That’s part of it.’ Theo’s voice was low and he moved closer still. Liam’s heart thundered. There were no thoughts in his head now, just lighting and drums and standing on the edge of a giant cliff high above the earth, high above everything. This was the thing he refused to put into put into words, or at least a part of it. A thing he would not recognize in himself. A shadow he could hide from until suddenly it had a shape and form and lips and was standing right in front of him. Liam knew then that he would do anything for crazy demon singer that Chimera followed. There was no part of Theo he would hide himself from, and if that meant being chewed up and swallowed then let his body be torn to shreds. If only for this one, single moment to happen.

Liam waited, and Theo froze. He was looking at the expression on the shorter boy’s face. Hand cupping the back of his head, ready to close the space between them in the blink of an eye. But he didn’t. Instead a frown grew deep and Theo’s brow knitted together in frustration. At the last second he released Liam and turned away. Without thinking Liam grabbed for Theo’s falling hand. The singer tried to pull it away but Liam held fast—he was done waiting for things to happen, for the world to follow its own course of events. Theo was here. They were so close to… something. And he wasn’t going to let go.

Theo relented and let Liam hold his hand but it was limp. Liam thought his hardest. Felt his hardest. Ad if he could will the things inside to Theo though their joined hands. And maybe it worked a little because after several long seconds Theo’s fingers moved and curled around Liam’s own, though the singer was looking up at the sky the entire time.

They stood there in the last moments of dying pink and orange. Purple and blue flooded in and the pond once bright turned to stars and inky black at their feet. A twin to the constellations in the sky. Liam didn’t speak because he didn’t have words. Instead he squeezed Theo’s hand. Theo didn’t speak for his own reasons. To Liam it looked as if he was thinking. Remembering. Wondering. Maybe all of that, maybe none. It was part of Theo that was different from him and he couldn’t read it at all. So he focused on the small part of Theo he held on to. A hand, scarred and inked. Rough inside to his softer palm. Proof of survival. And proof that he was standing next to Liam as the moon slowly climbed to its seat in the sky.

‘I should get you home.’ He speaks to the sky but Liam knows it’s for him. Their hands slip apart then and already Liam can feel the warmth of Theo’s palm evaporate. Maybe he’d done something wrong. Maybe’d he’d come off as desperate and clingy. What had Theo said about Josh? Had he totally messed this up?

‘C’mon.’ Theo turned away. Liam listened to the sound of gravel crunching beneath his feet before reality kicked in and suddenly he felt numb again. Hollow. But still he followed.

The walk back was silent. As they struggled up the path to the top of the ledge that led them into the quarry Liam nearly slipped, but Theo caught him. The same hand he held a few minutes ago pulled him to safety. Liam opened his mouth to thank the pink-haired punk but Theo was already walking into the trees as if he was in a hurry to leave everything behind.

Liam’s heart sank as he rubbed his palms on his knees. He rushed to keep pace with Theo. Now he was sure he’d done something wrong. Things kept popping into his head that he might have done wrong, or things he said that maybe set Theo off or made him mad. Was Theo mad? He might be, Liam had trouble telling with people sometimes. Except Theo was pretty clear to read when he was mad. And he didn’t seem to be. But it was hard to see his face when he was ten steps ahead. And is legs were longer by a few inches which gave him an unfair advantage. Plus is was dark. And the trees blocked any light from the city and even the moon.

Liam lurched forward and made a strange grunt as his foot caught on something and pitched him forward towards the ground. Before he could raise his hands to protect himself he stopped in mid-air with a jolt. It took him a second to realize Theo had caught him. Lifted him. Wrapped his arms around him. Still no words, but a look of worry followed by a slow, shy smile forming at the corner of his lips. A different smile than before. Liam didn’t know what to make of it but it was welcome in the calm emptiness he felt inside. Maybe he hadn’t messed it all up after all.

When they got back to the road street lights showed them the way. Liam was grateful since he could sneak glances over at Theo to try and read his face. The singer was humming something, and Liam couldn’t help smile. Theo noticed and shook his head, but couldn’t keep his own smile from showing. They got to the turn off towards Theo’s neighbourhood and Liam stopped. Theo shot him a look.

'What’s up?’ Theo asked.

‘Aren’t you… isn’t this your stop?’ Liam frowned. Maybe he misremembered the road. But he was pretty sure. He’d come back several times to try and etch it into his mind so he wouldn’t make a mistake. Still, he could be wrong.

‘Yeah but I’m walking you home. Unless you don’t want me to.’

‘Oh. Oh! Yes! I mean, sure. Yes. Okay. Good.’ Liam nodded to himself. Theo made a strange clicking sound with his tongue against his teeth and chuckled.

They continued to walk down the block to the streets that would lead them to where Liam lived. They watched couples passing—holding hands. Sneaking kisses. Liam felt his face flush at the display. When he looked up at Theo to see if his was similarly affected the singer had his eyes locked on Liam already. That only made him blush more.

Suddenly Theo was grabbing his arm gently and lifting it up.

‘Ever think about getting a tattoo?’ Theo touched the smooth skin on the underside of Liam’s arm.

‘My dad would kill me. Literally kill me.’

‘That’s not a no.’ Theo teased. Liam pulled his arm back and touched the spot where Theo’s finger tips were a moment ago.

‘Yes.’

‘Yes, your dad will kill you or…’

‘Yes, I thought about a… a tattoo. Before.’

‘What?’

Liam shrugged.

‘But you want one.’ Theo scratched his chin.

‘I can’t get one. My dad—‘

‘What if it was a place your dad doesn’t see.’

‘Like where?’ Liam asked as Theo’s smirk returned. It faded with a steady exhale as Theo touched his shoulder blade, then his side.

‘I’m guessing you’re not nudists at home.’

‘No!’ Liam turned red instantly. Theo laughed again.

‘Then just pick a spot he doesn’t ever see. And an idea.’

‘I think there’s ink involved.’ Liam shot back.

‘I’ll do that part.’

‘You?’

‘Stick and poke. Hurts a bit but can looks sweet.’ Theo came to a stop and pulled up the hem of his shirt. The muscles of his back were taut. A pink scar, mostly faded, wrapped around his side. Different tattoos covered his skin, almost dancing as he moved. Theo pointed out one slightly rougher than the others—a shooting star. And then a flower.

‘See?’

‘Cool.’ Liam’s eyes lingered.

‘You can touch them. If you want.’ Theo wasn’t looking at him then, either. Was he hiding something? It wasn’t a joke, Liam was fairly sure still. So he reached out and touched the ink. It felt like skin—no difference. But then his fingers dipped low and touched the scar. It was raised slightly and felt angry. Theo’s muscles seemed to lurch at the softness of Liam’s touch and the singer dropped his shirt back down suddenly.

‘Oh. Ummm… thanks.’ Liam said. Theo nodded.

They came to a stop next to Liam’s house. A quick glance told Liam that his dad wasn’t home from church yet. Part of him wanted to invite Theo inside, but another part said that wasn’t a good idea. Besides, Theo probably had places to be. Like meeting up with the band. Or Josh. For kissing benefits. Something that made a new feeling swirl inside Liam’s guts. Something he didn’t like at all. But Theo had a whole life and so many exciting things going on, how could he ever hold that against him?

‘Thanks.’ Theo said.

‘For what?’

Theo shrugged. He was being extra mysterious, but that was ok. Liam wanted to ask when Chimera was playing next but the thought brought back the reminder of the jacket and then guilt trickled in.

‘What?’ Theo somehow picked up on the shift in mood instantly.

‘I kind of… I stole your jacket. From the guy that stole it at the show.’

‘I figured.’

‘You did? What? How?’ Liam blinked then groaned. He’d worn it on the date with Hayden. Theo smirked and crossed his arms.

‘I was gonna give it back. I will give it back! Wait here!’ Before Liam could take a step Theo stopped him.

‘It’s okay. You can… borrow it. For now.’

‘Really?’

‘Sure. But you gotta wear it to the next show this weekend.’

Liam couldn’t keep himself from smiling if he wanted to.

‘I’m guessing that works.’ Theo chuckled. Liam nodded.

‘Okay.’

‘Yeah. Okay.’

‘So…’

‘Yeah.’

‘Ummm… good night?’

Theo smiled.

‘See you at the show.’

Liam watched Theo walk down the street, humming to himself the entire time. Some tune he’d made up or one Liam didn’t know. Either way it seemed a bit lighter than Liam had felt a few hours ago. Or days. Or weeks. Or even a life time. And if that’s what one little melody from Theo’s lips could do, Liam wondered what if would have been like if they’d closed the space between them earlier. Maybe… maybe it could still happen.

As he walked inside he didn’t even feel the invisible pressure of the place he usually did. Instead Liam ran upstairs and jumped onto his bed, losing himself in his sheets with a smile. He’d spent the evening with Theo Raeken.

Chapter Text

‘Liam. It’s nice to see you again.’ Mr. Hale said from behind his desk. He had an array of food laid out in front of him. None of it looked particularly edible, and some of it smelled like it should probably not be anywhere near a place humans inhabited.

Liam slid his backpack off and dropped it to the floor. He had a free period before lunch so he was the first one there for the daily lunch meeting of the GSA. It had been a week now that he’d been going to the meetings, usually sitting quietly in the corner. At first they’d treated him like glass, then slowly his friends went back to normal. Well, everyone except Mason who seemed to still be worried for some reason. Still, at least things were getting better. Liam figured Mason would snap out of it eventually, but now he’d made sure to come when the others weren’t around.

‘Hungry?’ Mr. Hale gestured to the bizarre buffet in front of him.

‘Uh… no thanks.’ Liam mumbled.

‘I’m calling it.’ Mr. Hale looked at his watch.

‘What?’

‘Time of death for this… meal Stiles made.’ Mr. Hale started to pack everything up.

‘Why?’ Liam asked as he watched his teacher put the containers into a separate backpack.

‘You’re a teenager. Teenagers eat anything. You won’t even eat a piece of this so…’

‘Oh. Well, you should test it out with Nolan then. He’s kind of the uhhh… bottom of the barrel for stuff like that. Once I saw him eat a nacho he dropped on the floor at Terry’s. There was melted cheese on it.’

Mr. Hale slowly grinned and leaned back in his chair.

‘What?’ Liam felt his face flush.

‘I think that’s the most words I’ve heard you speak consecutively that weren’t related to classwork in… well, ever.’

‘Oh.’ Liam scratched his arm.

‘Anyway,’ Mr. Hale ignored the awkwardness and finished packing his lunch up, ‘I’m more of a roast beef sandwich kinda guy and not… well, I’m not sure what parts of the world inspired that sumptuous feast but I think they’re maybe a bit beyond my humble palate.’

Liam nodded.

‘So…’ Mr. Hale looked at him.

‘So?’

‘So.’

‘Okay.’ Liam frowned.

‘You don’t have anything you want to ask? Or say?’

Liam ducked his head as he blushed again. This was not something he was comfortable asking anyone. He thought about asking Scott, but he was too close to the situation, and he did try to ask Kira (who went off on a tangent about over-consumption of environmental resources and how rivers and forests should be viewed with personhood—which Liam thought was good, but also nowhere near answering his question).

There was absolutely no way he could ask his dad or anyone involved in the church. Hayden, maybe, but it felt kinda awkward given how they became friends at a failed date. That left Mr. Hale. Who was kinda younger, gay, and had a boyfriend.

‘How do you tell a… someone. That you like them. Like, more than a friend. But make it really clear. Like, no way to miss it. That you like them. And want to kiss them. And do… more. Stuff. With them.’ Liam snapped his mouth shut before more stupid words could escape. He watched Mr. Hale’s expression move from confusion to shock to uncertainty during his tirade.

‘Oh. Well… Mrs. Finch teaches sex ed so you should—‘ He stopped when he saw the look on Liam’s face. ‘Ohgodwhyme.’

‘I’m sorry. I’ll—‘

‘No! Liam. It’s… fine. I mean, it’s kind of awkward. But I think it always is. Okay?’ Mr. Hale took off his glasses and walked around to the front of his desk. He paced around for a few seconds, glancing at Liam even now and again.

‘I’m guessing there’s no one else you can ask—‘

‘No.’

‘Mmm hmm. Alright. I’m guessing that the girl… that this person you like, you’re already friends with them.’

Liam’s heart sped up and panic began to rise. Mr. Hale held up a hand.

‘I don’t need to know who it is. That’s between you and them, okay.’

Liam nodded.

‘So what do you want to know exactly Liam?’

‘I want to… I want them to like, hold my hand and stuff. Is that stupid?’

‘No. Liam, that’s very normal.’

‘And I wanna kiss. And maybe more.’

‘More as in sex.’ Mr. Hale looked supremely uncomfortable. ‘But you’ve had sex ed in grade—‘

‘I know how sex works I just don’t know how to ummm… I don’t know how to get to that point or what to do exactly.’ Liam said.

‘You’re asking how to pick someone up.’

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded. That made sense. He’d heard Danny talk about how Isaac had “picked up” Scott. Which was confusing at first but no one said anything so Liam just listened until he figured it meant Isaac had convinced Scott to go on a date. And he wanted to go on a date with Theo. Even though they’d kinda gone on one already, but it didn’t quite count because it was just a fake date at Theo’s restaurant. Liam wanted to go on a real date with Theo, like he’d done with Hayden. Except Theo was not Hayden (and Hayden had nudged him into it. Theo was not nudging at all).

Liam got the impression he was going to have to be clear, very clear, about what he wanted. Which was a bit of a problem because he was only half-sure of what he wanted himself. Dating was definitely up there. Holding hands. Kissing (the dreams he’d been having made that clear at least). Maybe more (though the prospect both excited and frightened him). But for now a date would be nice.

‘Liam, I don’t know if I’m comfortable—‘

‘How did you pick up Stiles?’ Liam asked.

‘Oh. Well, for one, he was doing most of the picking up.’

‘Mr. Hale—‘

‘Derek. Just Derek. It feels way too formal for… whatever this is.’ The teacher gave an awkward chuckle.

‘Derek.’ Liam tried it out—felt odd. But if it made the teacher more at ease that was fine.

‘How did Stiles tell you that he liked you?’

‘Well, I don’t think you should take the start of our relationship as any sort of template for how to make you own. Mostly because Stiles followed me like a puppy dog while I constantly turned him down for over a year.’

‘But you liked him.’

‘I did.’

‘So why did you turn him down?’

‘Because he was too young. Hell, even now it feels like he’s too young.’

‘But he’s like twenty one isn’t he? And you’re… not that old?’ Liam blinked when he realized he had no idea how old Mr. Hale was, because he was never very good at gauging those kind of things about people. It was hard enough figuring out what their faces were doing to decipher how they felt.

‘I’m twenty four, Liam. Nearly twenty five.’

‘So there’s like 3 years and a bit between you.’ Liam stated. Derek waited for him to make some sort of connection that maybe we hidden there. Liam gave a small shrug to show he wasn’t picking up on anything. A small action, but one he would never had made a year ago. Instead he would have sat there and pretended to know something but remained confused. At least this way Derek sighed and rubbed his temples—a reaction.

‘It looks bad, Liam. For him to be so young and me to be older.’

‘Because of consent.’ Liam nodded slowly. ‘But you didn’t date until after he graduated and he was never you student.’

‘You’ve been asking around.’ Derek mumbled.

‘I just remember things I hear.’ Liam said.

‘Sure, yes. All that is true.’

‘So you didn’t do anything wrong.’ Liam said.

‘No, not technically.’ Derek said. ‘But the optics don’t look good.’

Liam frowned. Now they were into territory that confused him. Things were or they weren’t. Except a lot of times they seemed to fall through a crack between those ideas and fall into some place in-between where he had trouble tracking, or imagining. If a thing was not bad how could it still be bad? He knew it was possible because it kept coming up over and over, and so many people spoke in ways that referenced this grey area he couldn’t wrap his mind around.

‘Are you hurting anyone?’ He asked. Derek look surprised. He opened his mouth to speak and then though before responding.

‘No.’

‘Then I think it’s okay.’ Liam said. Which was true. And maybe it was not, but it was all he had to guide his own ship in life. The facts stood clear and plain—they were both happy, they both wanted to be in the relationship, and no one was getting hurt. Except maybe Stiles feelings might get hurt when he saw all the food that Derek didn’t eat (if it could be called food). So everything was ok, at least to him. But it did make him think—Theo was older than he was, did people see that as a problem? He wasn’t quite as old as Stiles and Scott, but he was close (which was also a mystery because how had they been in the same grade then?). The more Liam thought about things the more question he had. He could ask Scott, but he would rather hear about it from Theo.

‘So you didn’t have like a special signal or something? To tell that he liked you. Or you liked him?’ Liam asked.

‘No. With Stiles it’s always… challenging. But after he figures things out he tends not to let them go. Remember I said I turned him down for a year?’

‘He wore you down?’

‘You don’t wear someone down Liam. They like you or they don’t. Maybe they don’t like you now but they will later on in life. Or not. Love is a funny thing. But Stiles, he was always there and I guess I got used to him being around. Beyond that he wasn’t pushing himself on me. He was just… always there and trying to help in whatever way he could. Granted, most of the time that ended up causing more trouble than it solved. Never, ever get Stiles to change a tire, by the way.’

‘Okay.’ Liam gave a serious nod.

‘One day my car broke down and of course, Stiles is the one that finds me. In that broken down old jeep of his. Tries to change my flat when I was on the phone with a towing company. Not entirely sure how but he broke his nose and ended up ruining the jack that came with the car. And lost the spare tire.’

‘Holy.’

‘Yeah.’ Derek chuckled and shook his head. It was a small gesture, a curious gesture. Liam had seen it when Nolan talked about Brett, or when Mason and Corey were looking at each other. Or between Kira and Malia. Small, quiet evidence of something invisible but deep. Stronger than steel cables tying them to each other. And Liam, he was floating free without a tether. An anchor. And suddenly he felt strange—fingers and hands like they were not his own, like they belonged to someone else and he had just stepped into the life of a teenager named Liam Dunbar. That made him feel angry, but the sharp spikes of it were drowned out by something else he mulled over and tried to figure out.

‘Liam, is everything okay?’ Derek was next to him suddenly, and Liam realized he must have spaced off. He looked at the hand on his shoulder and tried to make a smile.

‘It’s okay. I think I’m just lonely.’ Liam nodded to himself. Derek sat in the desk beside him.

‘How are things at home?’ Derek was looking down at his fingers as he picked at them. Liam had trouble gauging the emotional context of the question but he could trust Mr. Hale. Derek.

‘They’re okay I guess. Normal.’ Liam shrugged. ‘I don’t have to do youth group stuff any more as long as I keep up my grades.’

‘That’s good. Does your dad know you some here? To these meetings?’

‘No.’ Liam said quickly. With all the grief that the church had given Mr. Hale and Stiles the last thing they needed was fodder for a continued attack.

‘It’s a secret.’

‘Okay. I wasn’t gonna tell him—it’s not his business anyway.’

Liam nodded. Not his business.

‘If anything happens you can come to me, okay?’

‘Sure.’ Liam said. He wasn’t sure what that meant either but it was good to know. He’d keep it in mind, but he still hadn’t gotten an answer to his question. Mr. Hale leaned back in his chair and kept talking as if he could read Liam’s mind.

‘The person you like, are they older than you?’

‘A bit.’ Liam said.

‘I see. That’s why you came to me.’

‘That’s… part of it.’

‘Ah.’ Mr. Hale nodded. Liam waited for the question to come, the one that would “out him” as Kira described it. But like her, Derek didn’t press for details. He just nodded and accepted what Liam had told him and didn’t dig around for anything that could be used as a weapon against him later.

‘Derek! You forgot the sauce to the—‘ Stiles burst through the door and froze. A suspicious look crossed his face as he looked between them. Derek sighed and rubbed his temples.

‘What’s going on?’ Stiles crossed his arms, a small jar of a brown-ish liquid sloshing around in his hand.

‘Stiles, this is a high school. Liam here is a student. Also, I happen to be a teacher. This is my class room.’ Derek forced a smile.

‘Ha. Ha. Ha.’ Stiles rolled his eyes at Derek. Liam blinked. He realized he hadn’t gotten a very clear look at the skinny boy before, since Stiles was always moving around and he’d only met him a few times. In this light Liam could see the tattoos peeking out from the edge of Stiles’ t-shirt sleeves and collar. He had a few on the arm closest to Liam—one of them looked suspiciously similar to a tattoo Theo had but Liam couldn’t be sure.

When he looked up he almost flinched at the look Stiles was giving him. That emotion came across very clear—don’t mess with Derek or else.

‘Why are you here?’ Derek asked, trying to get Stiles’ attention away from Liam. It didn’t work.

‘Stiles.’ Still nothing. Liam slid down in his chair. Stiles slammed the jar down on Derek’s desk behind him without looking.

‘Mieczyslaw!’ Derek growled. Suddenly Stiles blinked and aimed his anger at his boyfriend.

‘Remind me why I ever told you my name. Or how to say it.’

‘It was because of… the thing. We don’t talk about in mixed company.’ Derek forced another smile. Stiles was next to him suddenly, hands running down Derek’s arms until Stiles laced their fingers together. He leaned in and whispered something Liam couldn’t hear, then kissed a very stunned Derek.

Stiles pulled back with a satisfied smirk. He glanced at Liam, who looked away—his cheeks burning.

‘You owe me dinner. Two dinners, actually. Since the thing the other day with the cat.’

‘You literally opened a can of tuna. Hardly dinner-worthy.’ Derek raised an eyebrow.

‘The can opener was dull. And the cat hissed at me.’

‘The cat hisses at everyone. I think Lydia has it trained.’

‘I’m in the mood for pho. Maybe some spring rolls too.’

‘I don’t even know how you manage to eat so much, I swear.’ Derek smirked.

‘You love it.’ Stiles laughed.

On the way out he stopped in front of Liam’s desk.

‘Don’t even think about it, puppy boy.’ Stiles shot a smile at him that was more teeth than anything. A warning Liam guessed. Stiles was jealous. Did he think Liam wanted to get with Mr. Hale? That was so wrong. Still, Liam mumbled some noises that sounded close enough to words to get the older boy to walk away. And just like that, Stiles was gone.

When the door closed Derek let out a huge breath.

‘Liam, I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ Stiles technically did threaten him. But it was for a thing that he imagined. So that meant there was no real harm, at least that’s what Liam thought. Still, there was something about seeing them together—Stiles so possessive (a tad too much maybe), and at the same time, gentle and loving towards Mr. Hale (which was also odd but it wasn’t the first time Liam had seen them together so the shock was more the fact it came out of nowhere). Something that gnawed deep down inside of him that felt like it wanted out.

Liam felt if he said who he liked then Mr. Hale would probably freak out, since Stiles did not like Theo at all. And the last time he had talked with Mr. Hale, he had thought Theo had done something to hurt Liam. So clearly that wasn’t a great option. But maybe he wouldn’t mention Theo’s name. Derek would probably be okay with the fact Theo was a boy and he was a boy, too. Well, it only made sense since Derek was gay. And Stiles had just tried to eat his face.

‘I… the person I like. You can’t tell any one.’ Liam gave his best serious look, at least what he considered to be serious. Which maybe wasn’t as serious as he though given the strange look on Derek’s face that he quickly dropped and gave a solemn nod.

‘Just like you coming here, it’s your business and your business only.’

‘Even to the others?’ Liam hesitated.

‘Even them. Your life is your own and you decide what parts you share and with whom. And when.’ Derek added. Liam nodded. He twisted his fingers in on themselves and poked at the desk. The words were gone suddenly, or rather, they were there but they were all jumbled up and out of order. He narrowed his eyes and tried to focus them into a sentence.

‘I like a…boy person. A guy.’ Liam’s voice was barely a whisper and his eyes stayed down in the corner of the room, by the hinge of the door. Hinges were strange pieces of metal that helped doors to open. But if they weren’t oiled then they didn’t work very well. And oil came from petroleum, which was dead dinosaurs. It was a strange thought that a giant creature died millions of years ago only to become something that stopped doors from squeaking. Maybe one day in millions of years he would end up doing something similarly mundane.

‘Liam?’ Derek’s voice broke the tracks of his runaway thoughts.

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay. Did you hear me?’

‘No.’ Even though he knew it would be okay (probably but could you ever know something for one hundred percent sure?) he still felt like he was going to throw up.

‘I said that he’s a lucky boy if you like him.’

‘Oh. Thanks I guess.’ Liam nodded. The worry lingered but it felt lighter. Less overwhelming.

‘Why are things so hard?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know Liam. I don’t know if there’s an answer for that. But I do know that having good friends around you help more than trying to deal with everything on your own.’

That made sense. Without Mason and Kira and Nolan and the others, Liam would have never changed who he was. In fact he would probably be studying and going to church full time. Still be preparing to go into the seminary like his dad wanted. He’d never have heard a single song by Chimera, or any of the other bands Danny was constantly introducing him to. He’d have nothing without his friends. Suddenly his stomach felt squirmy.

‘Is it okay to lie to them?’

‘You mean about you liking a guy.’ Derek said.

‘Yeah.’

‘I don't think it's bad. Besides, even if they’re supportive it’s still no one’s business but yours. And possibly the young man you plan on putting the moves on.’ Derek chuckled.

‘The moves?’

‘Yeah like… You know what, maybe this is more of thing you should talk to Scott about.’ Derek looked up at the clock.

‘Alright.’ Liam smiled. This time he didn’t think about it and it came out normal—he knew because Derek smiled back.

‘Thanks, Derek.’

‘Mr. Hale in class, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘And you’re welcome.’ Derek smiled again before sitting back down at his desk and letting out a sigh like he was relieved, or had just run a marathon (which Liam thought was pretty funny but he didn’t laugh because maybe it wasn’t).

As he unwrapped his sandwich the buzzer sounded. Twenty seconds later Nolan was hunkered down in front of him, staring at Liam’s sandwich and going on about how Brett had been in a tank top the other day and did Liam see how his shirt rode up, and the tall boy was so handsome. Liam just nodded and ate his food slowly as the room filled up with his friends. Maybe one day he would feel like he could tell them. Well, everyone besides Kira. But until then he could just enjoy the way things were.

Liam grabbed his coat from his locker.

‘Hey Liam.’ Mason walked down the hall holding Cory’s hand.

‘Hi.’

‘Uh, I wanted to talk to you at lunch but Nolan wouldn’t shut up.’ Mason said.

‘Can we talk tomorrow? If I’m late my dad will… I shouldn’t be late.’ Liam said.

‘Oh, yeah. Of course. Tomorrow then.’ Mason’s smile came too quick, but Liam nodded.

He pretended to rummage in his locker as they couple made their way down the hall and out the door. It wasn’t a lie—it would be bad if he was late getting home but at the same time he had other things on his mind and it was too much to think about if he was also listening to whatever Mason was going to tell him. It was better to wait until the realization of what he had done sank in and he could pay full attention to his friends.

By the time Liam left school the halls were empty, and the students that were waiting around for rides home had long gone. Which was why it surprised him to see a beat up green car at the curb—a pink-haired punk leaning against it smoking a cigarette.

Liam walked towards Theo slowly. It felt like if he moved too fast Theo might startle and bolt like a scared animal. But when he got close he saw the tiny smirk dance at the edge of Theo’s lips. The cigarette was snuffed out on a boot heel and the remainder tucked behind an ear. It looked like the punk hadn’t shaved in a few days. Maybe since Liam had last seen him at the show. The way he looked made Liam’s stomach wobble. Warmth spread across his cheeks and he cursed himself for blushing when there was no real reason except for the fact that Theo looked a little more… rough than usual.

‘Killer.’ The barely restrained smirk blossomed into a full-blown smile.

‘Hi.’ Liam mumbled.

‘What’s wrong?’ Theo was closer suddenly, and Liam’s heart jumped into his throat.

‘Nothing. I… nothing.’ Liam tried to shrug but only one shoulder made it, making him feel like an idiot.

‘Alright. Need a ride?’ Theo stepped to the side and gestured to the car. Liam remembered it from a months ago—Brett’s beat-up rust bucket. At least he assumed it was Brett’s. Maybe it was Theo’s. Before he could ask the punk had opened the door by jiggling the handle and twisting as he yanked. Clearly a car with issues. Theo stepped back and opened the door for Liam.

‘Thanks.’ He climbed in the car. Theo slammed the door shut with a rattle before hopping into the driver’s seat. Liam glanced at the rearview mirror—a rosary-like set of beads hung down but instead of a crucifix there was a crude skull holding two circles in its mouth, each with an arrow coming off.

‘Why is there a double mars symbol?’ Liam asked as Theo pulled onto the road. He frowned and looked around.

‘Where?’

Liam pointed at the skull. Theo frowned, and Liam didn’t know that a frown could look so attractive. The lines it made in Theo’s forehead, the way his eyebrows dipped. The narrowing of his eyes. The line of his stubble-covered jaw. He blinked when he realized Theo had spoken and was looking at him.

‘Sorry.’ Liam said. ‘What was that?’

‘I said it’s not a double mars symbol.’

‘What is it?’

‘Mars is male. Venus is female. So two together…’

‘Oh.’ Liam felt his mouth go dry. The talk with Mr. Hale had not helped as much as he’d hoped and now he was just staring off into space.

‘Yeah.’

‘What if you’re not either?’ Liam knew from talking to Kira and Scott and the others that gender was a wild, amorphous creature (Kira’s words) that didn’t fit in two boxes alone. And Liam wondered how the rest of the world engaged with that notion. Or specifically how Theo did.

‘I’m not sure.’ Theo tilted his head. ‘What do you think?’

‘I think… maybe just a circle. Because a person is like a circle.’ Liam mumbled. Did that make sense? He wasn’t sure. It was hard to think while Theo was so close. And looking at him. And talking to him. He looked outside as they zipped down the road. Why hadn’t Mr. Hale just given him a step-by-step set of instructions. That’s all he’d wanted.

‘Where are we going?’ Liam realized they were heading in the opposite direction.

‘A place I know.’ Theo smirked.

‘Is it far?’

‘Not too far.’ Theo shifted the car and put on his sunglasses. Liam rubbed his palms on his knees. The last time he’d seen Theo was on the weekend, when Chimera was playing. At first Liam had been too shy to get close to the stage, especially wearing Theo’s jacket. But it had been hard to hang back for too long. When the others saw him wearing the leather the reactions were varied—Brett frowned and didn’t speak. Jackson rolled his eyes. Malia grinned so wide Liam figured that’s where her nickname came from. Isaac had a funny look on his face but it disappeared as quickly as it came. And Theo—he roared and snarled into the mic, but his eyes never left Liam.

Part of him felt bad because he’d gone without Mason and the others. But they’d kept their own secrets from him, so maybe they were even now. Besides, they all had boyfriends and girlfriends (well, Danny had two and Nolan had half of one in Brett is seemed). It was only fair he had his own life. Scott had encouraged Liam to do his own thing, and so had Kira. He was just following their advice.

When they drove past the city limits Liam relaxed—Theo didn’t speak as they drove. Instead he’d twisted the knob on the radio to fill the car with music playing from an mp3 player that was duct-taped to the dashboard.

The air was warm. Theo’s arm rested on the edge of the open window, finger nails tipped in black nail polish tapping in time with the beat of the music—wind teasing the longer parts of his hair and making it look like pink fire. Liam ran a hand through his own hair and wondered if he should cut it. His dad didn’t like that it was as long as it was now, and it was only whatever secret project he was working on that kept him from hounding Liam to cut his hair.

It was hard to tell what Theo was thinking, and the silver aviators hid his eyes. From sneaking places Liam thought maybe he was mad, but that didn’t fit. Upset maybe? The farther they got from the city the more he seemed to relax. Which made sense, because everything that weighed them down was behind them. All of the heavy things they carried from their past, their families, their lives—they had left it with the asphalt and concrete. Out there with the trees and the grass there was nothing but the wind, and each other.

Theo slowed the car down as they came to a sharp bend in the road. They went over a small bridge and Liam thought he saw a few small white crosses with bright flowers. The site of an accident maybe, but Theo didn’t slow down. Instead he sped up, cresting the hill in front of them. The world seemed to open up then, and the ocean stretched out as far as Liam could see.

The engine revved and protested and Theo pushed it along the final stretch of road. They came to a stop on a gravel shoulder. The road here was cracked and broken. Theo said nothing as he got out of the car. Liam scrambled to keep up. He coughed as his lungs sucked in the cloud of dust the car had kicked up.

‘Up here.’ Theo nodded at the small footpath that went up a bluff. Liam jogged over and stayed behind Theo—there wasn’t enough room to walk side-by-side. The torn tank top Theo wore was open at the sides. Liam wasn’t even sure how it stayed together—he could see the singer’s torso and the tattoos that covered it with a single look. The black material had faded in the sun, and there were more than a few bleach stains. But it didn’t matter, because it seemed that no matter what Theo wore looked good in a way that baffled Liam. He wore pretty much the same thing every day, and even though Theo’s cloths often looked recycled or reused (some were more patch than pants), he always seemed more at ease and relaxed. The collared button up Liam wore felt like the extension of a noose around his neck. A straight-jacket keeping him in place.

‘Don’t peek.’ Theo’s voice was deep and raspy. As Liam turned to him a warm, calloused hand fell gently across his eyes and blocked his vision. Theo was behind him a second later—chest pressed against Liam’s back. Other hand on Liam’s hip to keep him steady as they continued forward.

‘This better not be a trick.’ Liam worked up the courage to break the silence.

‘No trick.’ Theo’s voice was softer this time. Measured and carefully weighed.

‘Okay, you can look.’ The hand was removed and Liam sucked in a breath at the sight. The small bluff they had mounted had a handful of trees and a little fire pit. More impressive than that was the view—they were high enough to look down on the beach below and the waves gently lapping. Far in the distance the sky was sapphire turning to white and the sun struck a bloody-orange circle in the middle of it all.

‘Well?’ Theo shoved his hands in his pockets and took off his aviators. Usually the punk had a disaffected air about him, like he didn’t care what other people thought. But right now, to Liam it seemed as if that all seemed forced. He tried to summon the words to describe all of the things he saw, all the beauty of the place and the boy that shared it with him. This was clearly a special spot to Theo for some reason, but as Liam tried, the words didn’t come.

‘Wow.’ Liam sputtered.

‘Wow?’ Theo looked up with an uncertain expression on his face.

‘Yeah, wow.’ Liam smiled. It was a good word.

Theo chuckled and a smile broke out over his face. A real some—one of the rare ones. Like he couldn’t keep it in if he tried, and that made Liam smile too.

They sat under the trees and looked out over the water as it crashed on the shore over and over. Liam picked at the back on a twig and Theo ripped up blades of grass and let the wind take them away. He tried to think of something to say, some way to express what was inside when he looked at this wild boy, but it was tangled up as usual. He thought about his confusion to Mr. Hale. He hadn’t said Theo’s name, but it had been as close as he’d come to saying that he liked Theo out loud. And now they were side by side. If he could just…

No. Different parts of him were yanking the worlds back and pushing the feelings to the back of his heart. Parts inside that were not him (or maybe they were as well). So the silence grew, and loomed until Theo broke it.

‘I used to come here when I was a kid.’ Theo said, ‘To go swimming.’

‘In there?’ Liam balked. It looked cold. And kind of violent. But Theo just smiled.

‘I was never very good at it. Swimming. But I liked to float. Just lie back and look up at the sky. All you can see—sky. Clouds. Sun and moon. And nothing else. Just you, the water, the sky. You let the waves move you, you don’t try to fight them. Always felt like… like peaceful I guess. Like I could rest. Except you can’t stay in the water forever. Those moments never last.’ Theo ripped up a long blade of grass and let the pieces fall.

‘Sounds like… drowning.’ Liam said.

‘What?’

‘The waves. You said you don’t fight them. You just let them take you. It sounds like when someone describes drowning.’

‘Maybe.’ Theo said, and Liam got the impression he’d said something wrong or bad.

‘Why’s your mom in New York?’ Theo leaned back against the tree. Inside of Liam everything screeched to a halt. How did he answer that question? Most people just noticed she wasn’t there and didn’t bring it up. And how had Theo known that’s where his mom lived?

‘Scott told you that.’ Liam said.

‘Don’t blame him. I had to get him drunk to even get that much.’ Theo said.

‘You asked Scott about me?’

‘Well, after the whole raccoon thing he was asking questions and then I was asking questions. Kind of spiralled out from there.’ Theo smiled.

‘But you asked about me.’

‘You still haven’t answered my question.’ Theo said. And it was true, but Liam didn’t have to. Didn’t want to. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his mother in a long time, except for Scott and that had been brief.

‘I drove her away.’ Liam shrugged.

‘Bullshit.’

‘It’s true. It was like nine, ten years ago anyway. So… who cares.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Do you want to see her?’ Theo asked.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It does.’

‘No it doesn’t!’ Liam snarled. And then his heart dropped—he’d snapped at Theo of all people, but there was no chance to hold the hot spike of anger back. It slipped past him before he even realized he was feeling it. But instead of looking hurt or afraid, Theo looked defiant.

‘It fucking does matter.’ Theo growled back.

‘Whatever.’ Liam mumbled and shifted away, but Theo’s hand grabbed his shoulder. Liam froze for a moment—the grip was firm but not tight. Not restricting. So he relaxed and turned back to his friend. If they were friends. Were they friends? They must be, because Theo was sharing this secret place with him and that’s what friends did. Except he did a thing no friend had ever done—he hadn’t flinched or turned away.

‘Where do you keep all that shit, Killer?’

‘What shit?’

‘All the things inside. How do you not explode?’ Theo’s hand slid down his arm and gently squeezed Liam’s forearm.

‘I would never. Explode. Never.’

‘Why? Why not?’ Theo pressed. Liam clenched his jaw shut.

‘Because I’m not allowed.’

‘Bull fucking shit you’re not allowed to be angry. Who the fuck told you that?’

‘My dad said—‘

‘Liam, no offence, fuck your dad.’ Theo was looking at him then. Really looking at him—green eyes like daggers aimed at his heart. All the walls and armaments Liam had put up inside were punctured in an instant and he was frightened, because there was no way to hide. Not from Theo.

‘You can’t go around holding everything inside.’

‘I can.’

‘No, I mean you shouldn’t have to. Dude, we all get pissed. We all get angry. Keeping it in just makes it worse.’

‘I don’t wanna… hurt any one.’ Liam found it hard to meet Theo’s eyes. Theo, who was so beautiful and sharp and dangerous. Who was being so tender and gentle right now, even though it was clear that he was upset for some reason.

‘Everyone gets hurt. We all hurt each other. Even when we don’t mean it. Life is pain, Killer.’ Theo’s hand slipped away. ‘There’s no reason you should suffer more than the rest of us. You’ll still get hurt if you keep all that shit inside. Guaranteed.’

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ Liam said. But that was only half of what he meant. The rest of it was lost somewhere inside, swirling around in his chest.

‘Don’t worry about me. I can take it. I can take anything.’

‘That’s not fair either.’

‘Huh?’ Theo cocked an eyebrow.

‘You said I shouldn’t suffer. Why should you?’ Liam asked.

Theo picked at a tear in his jeans. He didn’t speak for so long that Liam thought he wasn’t going to. When Theo did speak it was so low that Liam nearly missed it.

‘Maybe I deserve it.’

‘No.’ Liam was surprised how loud his own voice was. Theo looked up at him, startled.

‘You deserve all of the good things. All the nice things. I wish you had them.’ Liam nodded. Theo chuckled and shook his head.

‘What did I say?’ Liam asked.

‘Nothing. You’re just… sometimes I don’t think you’re real.’

‘I am. Don’t worry.’ This got another chuckle from Theo. That made Liam smile. He pulled his knees up to his chest. They sat next to each other and listened to the sounds of the ocean and the beach. There was no need to speak or move, and Liam was glad to just be near Theo. He had meant what he’d said, but part of him was anxious because of the things Theo had said about always being hurt. Always being in pain. Maybe it was true. But maybe there was a way that Liam could find where Theo didn’t need to ever get hurt again. Or maybe that was just his own stupidity or lack of understanding of the world.

Stealing a glance at Theo made all of those feelings go away. Liam might not have the words, and Mr. Hale hadn’t had any enlightening answers but maybe he didn’t need them right now. All Liam knew, and all he needed to know in the moment, was that he liked Theo, and Theo was good.

It was hard to get out of the car at the top of his street, but Liam made himself do it. Theo hadn’t said goodbye, he’d just looked at Liam and shot him a grin before driving off. Even after he was gone Liam kept smiling. It was a strange feeling he didn’t have a name for but he felt light and calm at the same time. The feeling faded the closer he got to his house.

It was a bad sign, Liam knew it as soon as he came up the road to the driveway. Five cars all parked in front of his house. He recognized several of them—they belonged to the higher ranking members of the church. Deacons, their wives, long-time parishioners. A feeling grew inside of him like a lump of cold, twisted metal. Liam swallowed to push it down, but was lodged in his throat. He had taken a lot of freedom back from his father lately, and he knew that it was going to come back on him eventually. It looked like that time was now.

As he opened the door a cascade of voices spilled out onto him. Liam kicked off his shoes and sucked in his breath—maybe if he was lucky he could get past the living room door unnoticed. On the second step he knew he’d failed.

‘Liam. Come here.’

He ducked his head and stepped into the living room. He looks around at all the adults from his church—their expressions ranged from angry to sour to determined. His father’s hand was on his shoulder suddenly. Squeezing.

‘It’s time you took on some real responsibility.’

Liam tried to hold on to the last, lingering remains of the warm feelings inside. But the harder he held onto them, the faster they disappeared until there was nothing left but a hollow, aching feeling.

Standing surrounded by the tall shadows of the adults around him, Liam knew then that whatever was going to happen was far away from those good feelings. Everything was not going to be okay.

Chapter Text

‘He wants you to what?!’ Mason started to pace around the small picnic table in the parking lot of Terry’s diner. Liam had spent one whole day trying to hold everything his dad commanded him to do inside, but after Kira noticed him actively biting the insides of his mouth until they bled she had squeezed out what was bothering him until he blurted everything out to her and she’d called an emergency meeting.

‘Don’t yell at Liam! It’s not his idea.’ Hayden glared at Mason.

‘I’m not yelling!’ Mason balled his fists.

‘You kinda are.’ Corey’s voice was soft. Hands finding their way to Mason’s shoulders. Liam watched his friend melt into the touch, stress draining from him almost instantly. Even with all the crazy things that had happened he still felt a pang in his heart when he saw them together. A small glimpse of a thing he could never have.

‘This is insane.’ Isaac mumbled from his seat beside Scott. Liam knew they were going out. Kind of. And he was happy to see Scott smile, but he hadn’t expected the Chimera band member to show up. Not that Isaac was bad. In fact, he was the only one from the band not to attack him besides Theo.

‘What do we do?’ Danny’s face was pulled into a frown. One that didn’t seem to go away. The more they spoke, the deeper it got. Hayden in comparison got quieter and quieter, standing like a steel pillar with her arms crossed in front of her.

‘Why does he even care anyway?’ Isaac asked.

‘He thinks… the church thinks that it’s wrong.’ Liam mumbled, cheeks burning in embarrassment.

‘They think gay people are freaks and abominations.’ Mason tossed it out casually but there was venom in his words. Liam knew that the views of his church were not popular with Mason. Or any of his friends. Or himself really. But it wasn’t like he had a choice. He had to go—his father was in charge. But the shame he felt at Mason’s words stung. Made him feel dirty.

‘So they’re what? Gonna pull a Westborough?’

‘What’s that?’ Liam asked. Kira passed him the phone with pictures of protests. Liam’s guts rolled as he flipped though the images. Is this what his dad really wanted?

‘It’s just a dance.’ Nolan shrugged.

‘It is not “just a dance”.’ Kira crossed her arms. ‘And you’re just saying that because Brett hasn’t asked you and you’re pretending not to care.’

‘Brett? Whatever. Don’t even care. About him. Or this stupid dance. Or a gang of backwards bible-nuts bent on protesting it or whatever. No offence Liam.’ Nolan said.

‘Okay?’ Liam nodded. Mostly because he wasn’t entirely sure what was going on or what he was supposed to do. Telling them about the huge protest his dad’s church was going to hold outside of the dance was hard enough, telling them that he was supposed to be a part of it was harder. And the rest… he didn’t even know how to explain it.

‘You’re not doing it, obviously.’ Kira looked at him.

‘I don’t want to.’ Liam said.

‘That’s not the same as saying no.’ Mason added and Liam felt his cheeks burn.

‘Just tell him to go to hell. Tell him you won’t do what he says anymore. You’re your own person, Liam! You don’t need to be a brainless zombie!’

‘I know!’ Liam shouted, startling every one. His heart pounded in his chest. Blood rushing though his veins. The looks on their faces made the next words die on his lips.

‘You just… you think it’s easy to just say no. But you don’t know him.’ Liam felt small and stupid again, even though he knew that his friends were safe for the most part. And supportive. But it didn’t make the ugly feelings inside any easier to deal with. In fact it made it harder in a way—because how could he possibly explain the knots and twists inside to people that had never felt them? Out of them all, Theo understood. Maybe Scott to a degree. But the others… it was hard.

‘We’re not letting this happen.’ Mason said.

‘Yes we are.’ Everyone was surprised when Kira spoke up. ‘We’re going to let them do their thing, and we’re going to do ours.’

‘Which is what?’ Nolan asked.

Kira looked at Mason. The boy looked confused, and then his eyes widened as he clued into whatever plan Kira was talking about.

‘I dunno.’ Mason looked away.

‘You want to do something. And we’ve talked about it like, a hundred times.’ Kira pushed off her seat.

‘Once we do it, that’s it. You can’t un-do coming out.’ Mason said. Liam felt a lump grow in his throat. Kira caught his eye quickly before she spoke again.

‘Obviously it’s your choice. Everyone has to make up their own mind. No pressure. But as for me and Malia—we’ve made up our minds.’

‘So you’re like, gonna… do what exactly?’ Danny asked.

‘We’re going to the dance together. As girlfriends.’ Kira said.

‘Oh.’ Danny mumbled.

‘You said no pressure, but this does put pressure on us all. Me and Corey especially.’ Mason said.

‘I don’t know what to tell you then. Don’t go. Find some other girl to fake date.’ Kira threw her hands up. ‘I’m just telling you all right now what Malia and I are doing.’

‘Fuck.’ Mason rubbed his neck. Liam watched as Corey took his hand and gave it a squeeze. There was a look that passed between them that spoke volumes, but what it was exactly Liam didn’t know.

‘But your parents—‘ Mason spoke before Corey interrupted.

‘—Will deal with it. It’s not like it’s getting any better like this.’ Corey said. ‘And it would be nice not to be a secret.’

‘Yeah.’ Mason mumbled. He shot a look at Liam. Worried. Angry. Tired maybe.

‘We’ll do it, too.’ Danny said.

‘Which “we”?’ Kira smirked.

‘All of us. Me and Ethan and Jackson.’

‘Together?’ Hayden asked.

‘Together.’ Danny nodded.

‘You don’t need to ask them?’ Mason raised an eyebrow.

‘Fuck no, they’ll totally do it.’ Danny smirked. ‘Besides, they owe me.’

‘This is insane.’ Isaac repeated.

‘We’re really gonna do this. All of us.’ Mason said.

‘Not me.’ Nolan crossed his arms. ‘Don’t have anyone to get gay with anyway.’

‘I can lend you Jackson.’ Danny poked Nolan’s ribs.

‘No way!’ Nolan wiggled away.

‘What? He not hot enough?’

‘He’s hot but he’s meaner than Liam’s dad.’ Nolan dodged another jab.

‘He’s not that bad. Plus in the bedroom he’s a pussy cat. Or maybe more of a lion. Depending on what you do to—‘

‘La la la.’ Nolan pressed his hands to his ears.

‘I’ll go with you all, too.’ Hayden said.

‘What’s that mean?’ Corey asked.

‘It means all you badasses are my dates.’ Hayden smirked.

‘You okay?’ Mason leaned against the table where Liam was sitting.

‘I dunno. No. I guess not.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Sorry for freaking out. It’s just… it’s freaky.’

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded. All of his thoughts were jumbled together, and had been for the past few days since his dad had taken him aside to explain his new responsibilities. How could he be expected to turn on his friends so easily? Or himself for that matter. Then there was the other stuff he was supposed to do that he hadn’t told them. He’d hoped that meeting with everyone would have given him the courage to tell them everything but seeing how Mason and the others took it made Liam hesitate.

‘Hey, listen. I wanted to talk to you about the GSA. And not telling you—‘ Mason started.

‘It’s fine.’ Liam mumbled.

‘It’s really not.’ Mason squeezed his arm. Liam held his breath. ‘We can talk about it later maybe.’

He nodded.

‘We do this, it’s gotta be big. Like, in-your-face-fuck-you-bigots type big.’ Kira said.

‘What’re you thinking?’ Danny took a break from holding Nolan in a headlock.

‘Outfits, music, banners, motorbikes. Everything.’ Kira’s smile was wider than normal. Liam thought it was similar to the kind of smile she got when she talked about toppling capitalism and decentralizing governments. But sharper.

‘Who’s playing?’ Isaac asked.

‘Some DJ.’

‘Maybe Chimera could play.’ Isaac said.

‘You sure that would fly with Theo?’ Scott’s hand was on Isaac’s arm. Liam noticed they didn’t stray far from one another, and Scott was always touching the other boy. Usually it would make him blush or feel warm inside that Scott was so clearly infatuated with Isaac, but right now it made his stomach feel thick and heavy.

‘Shouldn’t be a problem. Right?’ Isaac said as he looked to Liam. The rest of them turned and waited—surprised Liam had any say. Something Liam shared with them. He mumbled and nodded quickly but it was still several seconds before the rest of them looked away. Nolan in particular.

‘Okay Liam, you have a very important mission now.’ Kira put her hands on his shoulders.

‘I do?’

‘You’re now going to be a double agent.’

‘A spy!’ Mason said.

‘A what?’ Liam was confused suddenly. This wasn’t how he imagined this would go.

‘It’s easy. You don’t have to do anything differently, just listen to all the stuff you dad has planned and then tell us so we can one up him.’ Kira said.

‘They think you’re on their side but really you’ll be helping us.’ Corey offered. Which made a bit more sense to Liam. Except now there was a spike of anxiety in his gut. But everyone was looking at him, waiting.

‘Okay. I guess.’

‘Great.’ Kira said, ‘Let’s meet up tomorrow at Nolan’s place to go over everything.’

‘What? No. Why my place?’ Nolan asked.

‘This way you can only eat your own parent’s out of house and home. Plus you have the most room.’

‘I could invite the rest of the band. Dunno if they’ll show.’ Isaac said. Liam thought of the rest of the members of Chimera. Malia would definitely be there. Jackson too, probably if what Danny said was true. That really only left Brett and Theo.

‘Ugh. Fine I guess.’ Nolan huffed.

‘Cool.’ Isaac nodded before letting Scott drag him off to get their food. The rest of them settled into small discussions about the big counter protest, and for some reason Liam felt like they didn’t fully understand what they were getting into, and he wasn’t able to tell them.

Nolan’s quick glances in his direction didn’t go unnoticed. Liam didn’t know what they were about though, so he tried to ignore them while checking to see if there was something on his face. Or if he looked stupider than normal in his pressed shirt and chinos. It got bad enough that he slipped away to the washroom when everyone else was distracted.

How could he tell them about the rest of it? He didn’t know everything but he knew it was going to be bad news for Derek and Stiles. And by proxy all of them. His dad had told him to stay close to Derek. Very close. Liam didn’t know what that meant exactly but it worried him a lot, and turned his insides cold. He’d tell the others at Nolan’s later, after he had a moment to gather himself and rest.

A splash of cold water was shocking but also helped soothe his nerves a little bit. When he turned around he didn’t expect Nolan immediately behind him.

‘Oh geez.’ He gasped.

‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to freak you out.’ Nolan backed up to give Liam some room. ‘I just… I thought. Never mind.’

Nolan turned to walk away, then wheeled back towards Liam.

‘Are you and Theo like… fucking?’

Liam knew his face was red because his lungs instantly closed and refused to open. There was no way Nolan could know that. And it wasn’t true at all. Even if maybe it had crossed Liam’s mind once or twice. In the back. Far in the back. And that didn’t count. Did it? No. It didn’t count. So Nolan was being crazy.

‘What?’ Liam managed to squeak out. The other boy gave him a searching look before easing off a bit.

‘It’s okay to not answer. If you are. Or not. It’s okay.’ Nolan seemed small then. Unsure. Liam wanted to steady him, but he was still shaken himself over Nolan’s outburst.

‘I’m not… we’re not… it’s just—‘

‘—Sorry. Fuck. I’m just… dude. Sorry.’ Nolan said. Silence dragged out between them. Liam wasn’t sure how to handle the situation—he’d only let on to two people that he maybe liked a boy, but had not specified that the boy was Theo, and now Nolan was confronting asking if they were doing intimate things together. Not that Liam didn’t want to. Especially after the night in the gravel pit where he thought maybe Theo was going to possibly kiss him.

‘Remember the night on the bench? When we ran from the cops?’ Nolan seemed nervous.

‘Yeah.’

‘You helped me.’ Nolan said. Liam shrugged. He’d just followed instinct more than anything.

‘You helped me so I’m gonna help you, okay? You should stay away from Theo.’

‘Why?’ They were all friends, weren’t they? Except Nolan didn’t seem to like Theo at all. And Theo had called him Carrots, because Theo had nicknames for everyone. But he didn’t have nicknames for Mason and Corey. Or Danny.

‘Theo’s bad. Just trust me, okay?’ Nolan was fidgeting more than normal. Eyes downcast. Not looking up. Malia’s words came back to him suddenly.

‘Usually they don’t lost long. Too soft. He chews them up. Spits them out. Maybe doesn’t mean to. But if you ask me what he needs is someone that will bite back.’

‘He called you Carrots that night.’ Liam said.

‘And he calls you Killer, yeah? That’s what he does. It’s cute at first. And he’s got that whole bad boy image going on. And he can be charming. Sweet even some times. He makes you feel good. Then when he’s done he tosses you away.’

‘That’s not true.’ Liam frowned. It couldn’t be true. Theo had issues. Problems. Things inside of him that were painful and ugly, just like Liam. But he wouldn’t do those things, would he?

‘It’s true. He… last year I thought that me and him… it didn’t last.’

‘Oh.’ Liam’s tongue felt too big for his mouth suddenly. And he wanted to turn everything off again, but that trick didn’t work anymore. Instead he was left wading through a whole new host of emotions he didn’t have names for. Ones he didn’t like because they were directed at himself and Nolan. And Theo. And they frightened him.

‘One second we were pretty close. And I was so happy. Then we… had sex and he got busy. Ignored me. And stuff… I got pretty depressed.’ Nolan said.

‘I’m sorry that happened.’ The one feeling he could identify through the others was the empathy for Nolan feeling like he wasn’t enough. Like he had done something wrong. But the other emotions… they were unusual and bent at odd angles. Liam didn’t know how to grasp them.

‘I wasn’t the first. Ask Scott. He helped me out a lot. To get over it. Brett did too.’

‘Okay.’ Liam managed. Did that mean Theo had done the same thing to Scott too, years ago before he knew either of them? It made sense in a way, and Scott was definitely hiding something from him. Something he knew that would change his friendship with the pink-haired singer. And Stiles had said all those things about Theo, and he and Scott were best friends so it made sense that Stiles would get upset if Theo had treated Scott badly. But Scott, he never said a mean word about Theo. He just seemed tired and sad most of the time the punk came up in conversation.

‘I just don’t wanna see you fall for them. His tricks.’ Nolan clarified.

‘I’m not… Falling.’ Both of his feet were firmly on the ground. Right where they belonged. No moving. Not at all.

‘It doesn’t matter. Hell, it might make him try harder.’ Nolan sighed. ‘It’s just who he is.’

‘What if he’s not?’ Liam bit his lip.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I dunno. What if we’re all different than what people think, from when they first see us. Or from when we do bad things in the past.’ Liam said.

‘I pissed you off.’ Nolan said.

‘No.’

‘Yes, I did. I mean, I know I did. Because of when you had your thing. Whatever Mason told us about. But you don’t have to worry, dude. You’re not like him. You’re good.’

Liam couldn’t look at his friend anymore. He didn’t have it in him to tell Nolan that he was wrong after the conversation they had all just had, even though he knew it was true. He was no good. The fact that he hadn’t come clean entirely twisted around inside him—a new snake joining the dark nest of serpents in his heart. And Theo—what did it mean that he treated Nolan so bad? Scott too. Liam hated that his friends were treated like that, but at the same time he could see similar patterns. Old patterns. Pain held tight inside never stayed contained for long. It always spilled out and hurt the people that were the closest. Maybe Theo was similar to him in more ways than he thought.

‘We should get back I guess.’ Nolan washed his hands. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah. Sure. I’m okay.’ Liam tried to muster energy for his response. There must have been enough because Nolan gave him a nod before they pushed the door open and walked outside, back to the rest of their friends and the newly hatched plot to topple his dad’s plan to picket the dance. One that Liam hoped work, but he knew however it turned out there was no way he wasn’t going to get hurt.

Liam bushed the leaves aside. He’d gotten so caught up in everything that he hadn’t had his usual time to keep his grandmother’s grave as clean as he usually did. Still, he cleaned it off as best he could and sat down on the grass with a sigh. School had been hard, and he’d made his way directly to the cemetery afterwards. He still needed to go meet everyone in an hour or so at Nolan’s place.

Nolan. How was he supposed to react to everything his friend had told him? He knew that they were all probably looking out for him. But at the same time he thought maybe they thought he was dumb and couldn’t see things for himself. And Theo, there was no excusing bad behaviour, but Liam felt that it was just the spinoff of something else. Something deeper that Theo was holding on to. Controlling who got close. Hiding the dark spots inside. Scott had been surprised when he said Theo sang to him—of all the things that had happened that made Liam question things. Most of his friends seemed to tolerate Theo, or actively dislike him (for good reasons it seemed). But Scott… if what Liam guessed was true then Scott should hate him the most. Be he didn’t. Maybe he could talk to Scott about Theo more, but how to do it without seeming suspicious, or making him worry.

All of his friends… why did it feel like everything he’d gained over the past few months were coming to an end. Everything he had in his life, everything good, was always gone eventually. Liam knew that it was because he was bad. That he didn’t deserve good things. Or people. Like his mother, or grandmother. He didn’t deserve Mason or Kira or Scott. Theo… maybe he could help him somehow. Even if he could never get as close as he wanted, and even if eventually they would all pass from his life, maybe he could make theirs a little bit better. That was good, right? That was enough. He hoped.

‘I feel a little… lost.’ He touched the headstone. ‘I know that you’re not there. I know that this is just a rock. But I could really use your help now. Anyone’s help. Everything inside is all tangled up. And it hurts. It hurts all the time. Sometimes I feel so sad. And mad. And it all gets jumbled up together and I hate it and I want it to go away. But it won’t.’

‘I wish you were still here. I wish I was more like you. I wish… I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m like this, and talking to you won’t change it. Nothing will change me. Now… he’s gonna make me do bad stuff and hurt all my friends. I know it. And I… I think I hate him. I know it’s a bad thing to say, because he’s my dad and you shouldn’t hate your dad. Sometimes things are so confusing. And I just want to make it all go away, but I know I’m not supposed to think about doing that stuff to myself anymore. Hurting. And I don’t. But it would make things easier I think. Sometimes.’

‘At least you don’t have to see me like this. So stupid. Dumb. F…fucking clueless.’ Liam stuttered. His breath came out in a shaky sigh. He leaned against the tree beside the grave and squeezed his eyes shut. Hot tears he didn’t know he had brimmed over and ran down his face. And he felt stupid for crying. Like some dumb little kid. What did it matter, any of it. Nothing seemed to make a difference. Even all the things he’d done. All the ways he’d grown and he was still a screw up. Still worthless and lost and alone. He wondered if Theo ever felt like this. And if he did, how did he fix it.

Liam pushed himself up and walked down the path. With each step he was unsure and scared, but there was nothing else to do except stop and stand still. And for whatever reason his feet moved him forward, to places he didn’t know.

‘Liam do you need a ride home?’ Scott asked as the rest of the gang slowly made their way out of Nolan’s place. Theo and Brett had not showed up. Still, between all of them they’d talked for nearly two hours and between Kira’s insistence on an armada of motorcycle lesbians and Danny’s firework idea they had come up with a reasonable plan of action (and a minimal threat of combustion). Corey had to leave with Mason towards the end of the meeting. Mason had given Liam an apologetic look—he still wanted to talk about the GSA, but Liam was in no place to add another tangled thread to the knot of things inside of him right now so he welcomed the reprieve.

‘I can walk.’ Liam said.

‘I’ll come with you.’ Scott said. He glanced at Isaac and the blonde guitar player nodded before hopping in his car. Liam instantly felt bad that he’d interrupted their time together.

‘You didn’t say much.’ Scott said. Liam shrugged. They kept pace in silence, side-by-side. Liam had meant to tell them about Derek and what his father had said about keeping close. But he’d felt less and less like speaking the more time passed. He felt lost, even when he knew where he was. Even with all of his friends so close, they felt so far away for some reason.

‘Do you ever… do you have bad days?’ Liam asked.

‘What do you mean bad days?’ Scott said.

‘You know. Like, bad.’

‘Kinda like you miss the bus and forget your homework and lose your wallet all at once?’

‘No.’ Liam shook his head. ‘Like, bad inside. Days. Like you’re… rotten.’

‘Oh.’ Scott’s voice was soft. Gentle.

‘Are you having a rotten day?’ Scott asked. Liam nodded.

‘Because of the church stuff.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Or something else?’

‘Nolan told me to be careful around Theo. That he’ll use me.’

‘Nolan actually said that?’ Scott asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘He had a tough time, yeah. But I think he’s kinda over it mostly now. I hope.’ Scott said.

‘Nolan said you helped him. That you understood.’

Scott was quiet suddenly. Liam didn’t know what else to say so he kept walking. Counting his steps. When he got to forty-four Scott stopped and sat on a bus bench. Liam settled in beside him. Across the street a mother was coaxing a shy toddler onto some playground equipment. A few days ago he’d been trying to work up the courage to ask the older boy how to pick someone up, or ask a boy out. Now things had taken an entirely different turn.

‘Did you find Theo at the cafe the other day?’ Scott asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘And you hung out a few times since that.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Has he told you about his parents?’

‘He didn’t say anything about them.’

‘There was an accident. A few of them. When we were younger. Theo… well it hurt him. Changed him. Really messed him up. And we had been friends forever. I think if things had been a little different maybe we would have been a lot more, even if Stiles was jealous.’ Scott said.

‘He hurt you.’ Liam frowned.

Scott nodded.

‘Pretty bad.’

‘You didn’t leave him.’ Liam said. Scott wouldn’t do something like that if he knew someone was in pain.

‘You’re right. And he hurt me again. A lot. He does that to people, Liam. Hurts them.’

‘He doesn’t want anyone to get close to him.’ Liam said.

‘Maybe.’ Scott said. ‘But I couldn’t leave him alone. He was just a kid. To have no one there… can you imagine that?’

‘Yes.’ Liam said without thinking and the look Scott gave him made him regret it. The older boy gave him a sad smile and squeezed his shoulder.

‘You’re so much like him. But not at all.’ He sighed.

‘Life hurts, Liam. There’s pain and injustice and suffering. More than one person can handle. And the people that hurt the most, cause the most damage.’

‘But that doesn’t mean that its okay. To hurt people.’

‘No. I guess not. But who’s there to help those of us that need it the most, when we drive everyone else away. Because we feel worthless. Small. Hiding in deep caves like injured animals. Who helps us then? When we need it the most.’

‘I don’t know.’ Everything seemed so complicated. Complex. ‘But I do know that you can’t fix everything.’

‘Dude, it’s not about fixing. Sometimes it’s just listening. Letting someone lean on you.’

‘Even if you get hurt.’

‘I know what it feels like. To be hurt.’ Scott pressed his finger tips together. ‘My dad…’

‘Why do you care that much?’ Liam wondered.

‘Just who I am, I guess.’ Scott tried to smile. And for some reason that hurt more than anything else. He’d helped Liam so many times. And he’d tried to help Theo over and over again, and he’d only gotten hurt. Approaching blindly. Maybe Scott did understand a bit of what his old friend was going through, but his solution was to wrap arms around the barbed wire encasing Theo instead of helping him through it. Maybe that way Theo didn’t feel so alone, but there had to be a better way. Except Liam was too stupid to think of it.

‘He likes you.’ Scott said suddenly.

‘Who?’

‘Theo.’

‘What?’

‘I know you don’t always see social cues, Liam. And I don’t think anyone else would notice. But I do. He sang to you. Talks to you.’ Scott nodded to himself. ‘He trusts you.’

‘Is that bad?’

‘No. It’s good. And very, very rare.’ Scott leaned back, ‘I saw you at his show the other weekend. In his jacket.’

‘Oh.’

‘He looked… he looked like the Theo I remember when he was talking to you. Haven’t seen that in a long time.’

‘I didn’t think anyone else was there.’ Liam said.

‘I was going to say hi but I figured… it was private. I didn’t tell anyone else.’

‘I’m not—‘ Liam felt the words twist and die in his mouth. Not gay. Not all of the words his father hurled at him and everyone else that deviated from his idea of normal in the slightest. But it wasn’t true. Because he was something, and it was far from what his father expected. What the church expected.

‘Is it that bad?’ Scott asked. Liam trembled. Everything inside was crashing together at the same time. Waves from an ocean of denial pounding onto sharp cliffs and rocks forming who he was. He had fought so long to be what people wanted him to be, act how they demanded and expected. Now Scott was holding a door open gently. Waiting. Not urging or coaxing. And Kira had been quiet and accepting. Derek too, if not somewhat embarrassed. Would the rest of them be so open? Welcoming?

‘I don’t want to be that way.’ It made everything so hard, and things were already so difficult.

‘Did you want blue eyes? Or to be right handed?’

‘No.’

Scott shrugged and gave a gentle smile. They watched the shy toddler across the street squeal in glee on the slide. Then Scott got up and they walked the rest of the way to Liam’s house in relative silence. Liam didn’t know if Scott was upset with him. That didn’t make sense. Of course Scott wasn’t upset with him. The worthlessness and confusion he’d felt the past few days was still there, but now they were threads that Liam could see in his mind. Untangle at least a little bit.

‘Feeling better?’ Scott asked outside of Liam’s place. The driveway was empty, so that was a good sign at least.

‘A bit.’ Liam said.

‘You’re gonna have shit days, dude. Rotten days. But there’s always the next one and the one after that. And some of them will be good, and you’ll be happy.’

‘Do you still feel… upset?’

‘About Theo? Yeah. It hurts. Maybe less than it used to. I don’t know if that stuff every goes away entirely. Maybe in twenty years I won’t care. I dunno.’ Scott said.

‘And you don’t care. If I’m… if I’m… If I like him.’ Liam spit the words out. A confession. Maybe to the only person that would understand.

‘I care. Because you do. But I’m not lying to you Liam. Nolan was justified in warning you. But I’m not going to.’

‘Why not?’

‘I think you can handle yourself.’

Liam snorted. Scott smiled.

‘Seriously. Just… don’t over think shit. And be careful.’

‘You think he’s going to hurt me.’

‘Just know your limits, okay? And I’m here if you want to talk. But I think it would be better if you talked with Theo directly.’ Scott offered.

‘Thank you.’ Liam said, but the words didn’t feel like enough and suddenly his arms moved on their own. Before he realized it he was hugging the older boy. His cheeks felt hot at the sudden display of emotion, when all he was used to feeling was anger or confusion. This was a warm, soft feeling. He didn’t know what to do with it, but he calmed down when he felt Scott hug him back.

‘Any time, dude.’ Scott said. And Liam felt a little bit better.

Chapter Text

Talk to Theo directly. That had been Scott’s advice, and for a whole day Liam thought it was a great idea. Until her started trying to identify what he was feeling when Nolan warned him, and Scott told him a little but about Theo’s history (which he did feel guilty about he decided, since that should have definitely come from Theo himself but there was no way around it). There were so many new emotions that Liam was torn—he wanted his friends to be happy and safe and Theo had hurt at least two of them. But from what Scott said, Theo had been in a lot of pain himself. Probably still was. Which made Liam angry and sad and a dozen other things—all directed at people he cared about. At least it was enough to drown out the burning hot anger that was usually right beneath the surface of his skin. Now he was mired down in uncertainty and doubt.

Scott told him not to over think, but how much thinking was over thinking? Liam didn’t know how much normal people thought. It wasn’t like he had a window into their brains and could measure either. He was reasonably sure he was currently over thinking when it came to Theo, though. Which was a good thing to figure out, but how did he stop himself from thinking too much? He’d tried to google it but there was just a lot of stuff on meditation and being present (how could he not be present, that didn’t even make sense). Instead Liam tried to close his eyes and count backwards from one hundred, but even then he was distracted. It would be nice if he could just hear Theo sing—he never had any trouble focusing on Theo’s voice. It always felt like Theo put all the things inside of him into the music. Maybe that would help.

The guitar wasn’t hard to find—he knew exactly where it was, at the back of the closet in the hallway behind the extra blankets. He only took it out once or twice a year to join in the church camp they held for the kids. Most of the songs were pretty basic—put your fingers on one or two strings and strum and sing the words someone wrote. They were basically hymns for kids to a guitar. And Liam mainly provided support to whoever the more experienced player was. It wasn’t something he told a lot of people. Or anyone really. Because he was awful and it was embarrassing. He’d heard Brett and Jackson mocking christian rock bands relentlessly (they were definitely not playing rock music at church camp but Liam felt it was probably not something he should share).

It took a minute to dig out the hard case containing the guitar. Liam sat on his bed and opened it up—he made sure to take care of it, since it had belonged to his mom (another reason his dad didn’t like him playing it. Or learning it. Or looking at it). There were some old, faded stickers on the front that looked like someone had tried to pick them off (but stickers are stubborn). Liam assumed his mom must have put them there, or whoever owned it before him because he was certain his dad wasn’t going to have a peace sign or a sticker that said something about machines killing facists on a guitar. They made him put duct tape over that one at church, since it was violent imagery.

Liam held the guitar and stared ahead. Instinct drove several children’s hymns forward but he turned them aside. Instead he tried to strum a chord. The guitar gave an awkward twang and made a deep noise. It was then Liam realized he’d been holding his breath. He exhaled and strummed the guitar again—it didn’t sound quite right but he didn’t know why. The stupid catchy hymns kept popping into his head, so Liam closed his eyes and pictures Theo’s fingers moving on the frets at the café. Like he was pouring all of himself into the chords and there was nothing else (except when he looked up at Liam, and it felt like there were only the two of them in the cafe).

Liam exhaled and strummed a chord. Better. The sound was off still, but at least it came out clear. He strummed a few times until he felt pretty good about it, then moved on to another chord. He had time to mess around at least, since the school was closed for a teacher conference or something. And his dad was visiting members of the church (something Liam would have been required to attend in the past). Before he realized it, over an hour has passed and the tips of his fingers were hurting. He was about to try some of the harder chords (how did Theo splay his fingers out so wide on the frets anyway) when the doorbell rang, followed by a loud bang on the door.

Liam set the guitar aside and ran downstairs. He got three steps down, realized he was in his underwear, and ran back to his room to pull on some workout shorts before heading down. He knew it wasn’t his dad, so he guessed it was probably Mason, or maybe Scott or Hayden. He was unprepared when he opened the door and came face to face with the very person he’d been thinking about. Theo had shaved recently, and re-dyed his hair so the pink was fresh. Green eyes were downcast, but then Liam swore they brightened as Theo looked at him.

‘Hi.’ Theo said. He was wearing a white muscle shirt that was clinging to every part of his upper body, which Liam felt was very unfair and distracting. Theo’s black jeans had been thoroughly ripped up at the knees and cuffs—patched in places with a purple handkerchief. Tattoos peeked out from the white shirt, and one spot where it rode up on the side, exposing Theo’s side. Around his neck was a red-orange bandana that looked well used, but clean. Well, as clean as punks got anyway.

‘Liam?’

‘Huh?’

‘I said “hi”.’ Theo smirked.

‘Oh. Hi. Why are you here? I mean, what are you doing here? How do you know where I live? Oh that’s dumb you walked me home. So you know. From that. Right?’ Liam babbled.

Theo’s grin was wide. He gave a small chuckle, then his face turned serious.

‘I uh, heard that people were telling you things about me. And I was free, figured you’d be around. So I thought I’d come to you. To talk. If you want to.’ Theo said.

‘I…sure. Yes! I mean, okay.’ Liam blinked.

‘You don’t need to invite me in like a vampire, but I definitely can’t walk through you.’ Theo said. And blushed a bit.

‘Was that a joke?’ Liam asked. Theo looked away. ‘If it was it was…awful.’

‘Your sense of humour must be rubbing off on me.’ The singer spoke with a strange tone in his voice that Liam figured out meant there was some hidden message in the words. But what it was he didn’t know.

‘Well I guess come in.’ Liam stepped out of the way and Theo walked past him. For a second Liam’s heart sped up—Theo wasn’t that much taller than him but he seemed so big. Almost imposing.

‘Where’s your room?’ Theo asked as he kicked off his army boots.

‘Upstairs, open door.’ Liam rubbed his sweaty palms on his shorts as Theo went upstairs. His mouth was dry and he felt like his stomach was doing a wobbly little dance. He took a step towards the stairs when there was a second knock on the door.

‘Hi?’ Liam opened the door a crack to see postal worker with long brown hair and a scowl.

‘Here.’ A bundle of letters was shoved in his hands. ‘Tell your dad that if he tries to return to sender one more time all of your mails gonna end up in a dumpster, I don’t care if he’s a pastor, preacher, or the pope himself. I’ve been delivering the same god damn letters for three months.’

Before Liam could reply he was left alone holding several letters marked up with stamps and scribbles.

Liam shut the door and slowly made his way upstairs. Theo was in his room. Theo Raeken was in his room. He paused outside of his door and exhaled before he turned the knob.

Theo was sitting on the edge of Liam’s bed, casually turning one of the pegs on the guitar and plucking the string. Liam tossed the letters into his book bag as Theo looked up and smiled.

‘You didn’t tell me you had a guitar.’ Theo continued to fuss with the strings.

‘I… I can’t really play. It’s just something for church mostly.’

Theo laughed. He held the guitar over his head and gave a fake roar while pointing to the sticker about facists that Liam didn’t understand. But the whole gesture made him smile for some reason, which seemed to be the right thing to do because Theo went right back to fussing around.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘Tuning this badass.’ Theo was focused on the guitar but kept glancing up at Liam.

‘Oh. Yeah. It sounded weird.’

‘They get out of tune if you let them sit too long. A beast like this wants to be played.’ Theo said, then flipped the guitar around and into position. His hands flew so fast Liam couldn’t make out the chords or whatever Theo was doing. The riff was fast and lively and over before Liam could take it in fully.

‘There!’ Theo handed him the guitar. ‘Show me what you got, Killer.’

‘I dunno. I’m not very good.’

‘Everyone starts somewhere. When Scott and Stiles and me practiced it sounded like a dozen alley cats fighting in the street. Just strum a bit, you’re cool.’

Liam pushed that nagging, slick feeling of doubt aside and closed his eyes. He went through all the happy chords he knew, then did the downer ones. When he was finished Theo gave a small clap.

‘Stop it.’

‘Don’t be like that. You have some skill. Can you play a song?’

‘No.’ Liam looked away.

‘You know most of the major and minor chords, you’ve never tried to put them together?’ Theo asked.

‘Major and minor?’

‘Chords yeah. Look.’ Theo took the guitar and strummed out some major chords, then minor ones.

‘Oh.’

‘You’re hustling me.’ Theo grinned.

‘No. I didn’t know they had names like that. Ones just sounds happy, kinda. The other ones are sad.’ Liam said.

‘That’s one way to see it. But you can use both of them in lots of different ways.’ Theo said.

‘How’d you learn so much about music?’ Liam tried to force away the shy smile on his face. Theo had been so confusing a moment ago, now the pink-haired punk made it hard to focus on anything.

‘Mom and Tara taught me.’ Theo words seemed pleasant but Theo’s face didn’t match. It was always hard for Liam to pick up on those subtle shifts in other people, but Theo seemed more like an open book for some reason. Maybe it was because he was always watching the punk, or maybe it was something else.

‘Scott said… you parents… and you said there was an accident...’

‘Dead. Yeah.’ Theo held out his hand and Liam passed the guitar. Theo strummed softly, like it could distract him from the change in conversation.

‘Sorry.’

‘Doesn’t matter. Was a long time ago.’

‘Was Tara your sister?’ Liam didn’t know if he was allowed to ask such personal questions, even though he wanted to know.

‘She was yeah.’ Theo’s fingers plucked out a soft and warm tune that didn’t match his demeanour at all. Liam rubbed his hands on his legs. He wasn’t sure how to ask about the other stuff, the things Nolan had said, and that Scott had confirmed—that Theo had hurt his friends. But also that he was in pain. That Liam could pick up on somehow. Understand. He was in pain too a lot of the time, but he didn’t hurt the people he cared about. Not anymore at least. But there was a time that he wasn’t so different from Theo in that respect. At least the church had helped him there. His father had helped him, and now he wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again.

‘Scott said you spoke with Nolan.’ Theo’s voice was low. His eyes were fixed on his feet sticking over the bed. The song was still going but Liam could barely hear it.

‘Yeah.’

‘He told you I was an asshole.’

‘He said… you pretended to like him. Then you… did it. And disappeared. And you won’t talk to him.’ Liam saw Theo shift his weight. He couldn’t tell if it was a wince or maybe the punk was just uncomfortable on the edge of the bed.

‘Is it true?’ Liam asked.

‘You know it is.’

‘I just…wanna hear it from you. Sometimes I don’t trust what people say. Or misunderstand. I wanna understand.’

‘It’s true.’

‘And Josh?’

‘The same but he’s much better at sticking around. Keeping it impersonal.’ Theo said.

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’ Theo said.

‘And Scott—‘

‘Can we… not talk about Scott. Right now at least. I… later. I’ll tell you about it later I promise.’ Theo gave a weak smile.

‘Okay.’ Liam said.

‘Do you hate me?’ Theo stopped playing.

‘No.’

‘That’s it?’ Theo frowned.

‘I don’t know.’ Liam leaned back. He was angry and confused. Mixed up. But he didn’t hate Theo. He could never hate Theo. ‘I don’t like that you did that to Nolan. Or Scott. Or…anyone else.’

And it was true, but the last part made him feel something worse than anger. Shame. Longing. Maybe it was jealousy?

‘I get it if you don’t want me around anymore.’ Theo said.

‘Why would I want that?’ Liam frowned.

‘Because of how I treated your friends.’

‘Well… you could apologize.’ Liam offered. Theo looked blank for a moment then laughed.

‘What?’ Liam asked.

‘I don’t think they want to talk to me.’

‘So. Tell them anyway. Somehow.’ Theo was smiling at him again, eyes watching him without any walls or tricks at the ready.

‘Is there something on my face? There’s always something on my face.’ Liam brushed his cheeks with his hand. He stopped when Theo’s fingertips touched the back of his hand and everything inside went calm except for the steady beat of his heart.

Theo plucked a few strings of the guitar and set it aside.

‘Liam… I’m not a good person.’ Theo ran a hand through his pink hair, letting it fall over half of his face.

‘I think you are.’

‘I’m not. I’m really not. And if you get close…’

‘It’s okay. It’s fine.’ Liam smiled.

‘I don’t want…’ Theo trailed off and rapped his fingers on his knee.

‘You can hurt me.’ Liam whispered. It was hard to look at Theo’s eyes. So green and intense, so Liam looked at his hands. His fingers. Rings and scars and ink. ‘I can take it.’

‘No.’ Theo shook his head and suddenly he was grabbing Liam’s hand tight in his own, a look of anger on his face. Liam didn’t flinch. A part of him woke up suddenly and he was alert and watching the taller boy with complete focus.

‘Don’t say that shit. It’s bullshit! Fuck. Who taught you that?’ Theo released his hand and Liam felt like all of his bones were going to float away. The anger coursed through Theo like a river of lightning—eager to find a target. Liam’s heart felt like it was going to burst for some reason. He was high above himself by then, trying to make words and gestures to tell Theo how he felt. He reached out and rested his hand on Theo’s shoulder. Calming him. Taking the anger away. If he could take it into himself to spare the older boy, he would have.

‘Nobody. Everybody. It’s just how things are.’ Liam said. Theo looked confused, then resolute.

‘Then maybe it’s time for things to change.’

‘Can I open my eyes now?’ Liam reached out to try and feel for a tree or a post or something to tell him where he was. It reminded him of the beach a few weeks ago when Theo’s hand had covered his eyes. But this was a lot longer.

Theo’d convinced him to get into Brett’s car that he’d borrowed for the day (at least he said he borrowed it, but there was another strange emphasis on the word Liam assumed maybe meant that Theo took it without Brett knowing but he wouldn’t care or just yell a lot later. Brett seemed like he was a yeller). They’d been driving for several minutes when Theo made him tie a bandana over his face so he couldn’t see where they were going. At first Liam protested but then he realized that the bandana was the one around Theo’s neck and kinda smelled like him so he shut up and went along with it.

For the first ten minutes he was happy and couldn’t wait to see where Theo was taking him. The next ten minutes he managed not to panic when he realized that he’d just spoken to Theo in his room about liking him without actually, fully saying it but heavily implied it. And Theo had seemed to feel kind of the same. Maybe. Possibly. Then ten minutes of not freaking out too much but blaming the heavy breathing on pure excitement and Theo chuckling to himself. And the last few minutes Liam had settled back into being excited to spend time with the wild singer.

‘Not yet.’ Theo’s rough hand slid into his and pulled him forward. Liam’s foot caught on something and he lurched forward, but Theo caught him in time. Not being able to see made it a lot more frightening, Theo’s hand pressed against his chest. The other around his waist. He worried after a minute when the singer didn’t speak at all.

‘Theo you okay?’

‘Yeah. I’m good. Sorry. Let’s get you back up.’ He guided Liam onto his own two feet and kept walking forward. Slower this time. Hand still holding fast to Liam’s own.

Liam heard a clank and the squeak of metal. The sound of music filled his ears, and people laughing and talking.

‘Okay. Take it off.’ Theo said. Liam pulled the bandana down so it was hanging from his neck.

‘What is this?’ He asked—a giant oval barrier filled the room and everyone was on roller skates. The lights were dim but in their place neon of different colours flashed. On the far side of the rink there was a small canteen selling fries and burgers. To the left, past the main counter was a room that looked like it was full of arcade games.

‘Welcome to my secret spot.’ Theo was beaming.

‘This is…’

‘Insane.’ Theo laughed.

‘A bit.’

‘But it’s okay?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam smiled. This place made Theo happy. More than that—it was a secret place that he shared with Liam. Probably Scott and maybe Stiles too, but that was okay. The fact that he was sharing it now with Liam meant something, too.

‘Tara used to bring me here.’ Theo said. Longing and regret creeping into the edge of his words. But before it could take hold he turned to face Liam.

‘Can you skate?’

He could not.

‘C’mon I’ll help you back up.’ Theo reached down to pull Liam up off the rink floor. He’d fallen over when he was putting his skates on, and then when he stepped into the rink, and just now when he thought he’d managed to figure out how the stupid wheels worked.

‘What happened?’ Liam leaned on Theo. There were a few other people in the rink but for the most part it was empty save for a few teens hovering over a pile of shared fries from the canteen and looking at stuff on their phones.

‘You tried to stop. And you did. Right into the floor.’ Theo laughed—free and open. Clear. And Liam smiled, then winced.

‘Ow.’

‘What?’

‘My face hurts.’ Another laugh.

‘C’mon. Let me help you, then maybe we can grab some food.’ Theo took Liam’s hand, but it was different this time. His grip was gentle but steady. Leading Liam around the edge of the rink effortlessly moving backwards and sideways while Liam focused on going in a straight line (and taking the curves wide so he didn’t ram into the barrier). But it was hard to pay attention to that and watch Theo at the same time. Liam knew that the punk had a lot of energy, and it usually came out in the form of yelling and screaming and singing. It was entirely different to see him on roller-skates and moving so delicately despite all of his muscles. It was distracting. So distracting in fact, that without thinking, Liam took a left when he should have taken a right and rammed right into the divider.

‘Holy shit! You okay Killer?’ Theo came skating up. Chest moving with each breath, a worried look on his face.

‘I think I’m done.’ Liam groaned. Theo laughed as he got up and they skated over to the rink exit. After their skates were returned Theo plunked down at one of the small booths by the canteen. A pile of fries in one hand and in the other some kind of deep-fried ball Liam had never seen.

‘Mac’n’cheese.’ Theo popped one in his mouth. Liam reached out and copied him. The cheese melted in his mouth and instantly made him want more.

‘How do you eat these and look like that?’ Liam asked.

‘You’re pretty fit, too.’ Theo nodded.

‘Me? Naw. I barely exercise. I just do a lot of work at the church.’

‘What kind of work?’ Theo popped another snack into his mouth.

‘Cleaning. Moving stuff for the donation program. Furniture mostly. I bike a lot. You know that. Because my bike got stolen. And you got it back. From Josh. Who is a friend with benefits. I’ll stop talking now.’ Liam shoved several fries into his mouth and prayed for a quick death.

‘I think that’s the most you’ve spoken to me at once since we met.’ Theo leaned back in his seat and munched on a single fry.

‘Maybe.’ Liam looked around. The few people that were there were having a good time. It made him feel nice.

‘Thanks for bringing me to your secret spot.’ He said.

‘No worries, Killer. Things got kinda down for a little while there. I’m all for angst but you gotta have a balance.’ Theo chuckled. ‘Not that I do.’

‘I meant it. What I said before.’ Liam poked at the fries.

‘Liam—‘

‘At the beach you said… you said that you deserved to be hurt. And you’re wrong. But if you are hurt, and if you need to get it out somehow. Then you can… then I’m here okay.’

‘That’s fucked up.’ Theo tossed the fry away.

‘I just want to help.’ Liam said when Theo shot to his feet and stalked off. Liam fumbled to get to his feet and chase after the punk but Theo was moving fast. He pushed open the exit door and light flooded in, giving Liam a beacon to follow.

Liam squinted as his eyes adjusted, feet moving to keep him ten feet from Theo’s fast pace. Suddenly the wild boy whirled around and got right in Liam’s face.

‘You don’t get to do shit like that, okay? Don’t make yourself less for anyone in this mother-fucking world, Killer. Especially not me. You’re not something to be…used. And tossed away. You’re… you… just don’t. Okay. Don’t make yourself small. The whole goddamn planet’ll do that for you already.’

‘I just want to help! Okay? I just want you to feel better. Don’t be mad.’

‘I’m not mad! I’m…’ Theo kicked a tree and winced when he put weight back on his foot.

‘Fuck.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam said. He sat down beside Theo next to the tree. He wanted to make Theo feel better somehow, but everything he’d said only made the singer angry for some reason.

As Liam got up Theo’s hand caught his shoulder and pulled him back down. Liam glanced over. Theo looked angry. And confused as the anger receded. He relaxed and exhaled before rubbing his temples.

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam said.

‘No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have done that. I just… you’re really confusing.’

‘Me?’ Liam blinked.

‘Very confusing.’

‘Maybe it would make me feel better, too.’ Liam said. Theo’s head snapped up instantly and there was a look there that made Liam uncertain. But it was gone as fast as it came and Theo collapsed once more. Everything settled inside of Liam then, and he felt tired. The things he’d been carrying around caught up with him all at once. Things he couldn’t tell his friends. But maybe he could tell Theo.

‘My dad wants me to get Mr. Hale fired.’ Liam said.

‘What? How?’

‘He told me… spend as much time as possible with Mr. Hale. Get him to tutor me without other people around and then later he’s gonna accuse Mr. Hale of stuff. And I’m supposed to lie about it.’

‘What the fuck. That’s fucked up! Your dad is a nutcase.’ Theo sat up and moved closer to Liam. ‘You’re not gonna do it are you? Derek is an asshole sometimes. And Stiles… He’d lose it.’

‘I won’t do it. But I said I would. But I’m not. I can’t.’ Liam said.

‘Good. Man, fuck your dad. Hey that might be a good tattoo.’

‘No way! I’d—‘ Liam frowned as the grin on Theo’s face grew enormous. ‘You were joking.’

‘Got me there, Killer.’

Theo got to his feet, then pulled Liam up effortlessly. For a second Liam wondered if Theo could pick him up entirely. His arms were pretty big…

‘So what’re you gonna do? About your dad I mean.’

‘I dunno. I’m already doing a double agent spy thing for the GSA at the dance. The church is gonna do a protest.’

‘Isaac mentioned it yeah. We might play that night.’

‘Cool.’ Liam smiled.

‘You know you can tell him to go fuck himself. Your old man. Three words will set you free.’

‘Should I tell them? Mr. Hale and Stiles I mean.’

Theo sucked in a breath. ‘Well I admit I’d be the first person happy to hear Stiles got a flat tire in the middle of the desert, this isn’t the same.’

‘So I should tell them.’

‘Probably.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you… want me to be there? When you tell them I mean. If you want.’ Theo kicked at a small rock and sent it flying into the grass.

‘You’d be okay doing that?’

‘Sure. It’s just Stiles and sour puss. Can I control if one of them throws the first punch, no. But I’m sure it’ll be fine.’ Theo said.

‘Thanks.’ Liam said. It made him feel a bit better that Theo was willing to be there, even if he didn’t end up coming. His mind went back to the day they were cleaning up Scott’s yard, when the raccoon was bit Theo and he did nothing but take the pain. Shielding Liam from the brunt of the harm. Theo had said something about emotional pain being worse, and he was right. In that moment he’d spared Liam from getting bit, but the shame and guilt that came in its place was a hundred times worse. For some reason he got a hint of the same feeling now, and it worried him.

Theo climbed into the rust-bucket and started the car as Liam got into the passenger seat. It took a few tries to turn the engine over but once it was going it roared like a demon.

‘This is the third place.’ Liam said as they watched the trees go by. He touched the bandana around his neck casually. Making sure it was still there.

‘The what?’

‘The third secret place you’ve shown me.’

‘Oh. Yeah, you’re right.’ Theo nodded. ‘One more and it means we’re going steady.’

Liam choked at the words, but before he could say anything Theo had the windows rolled down and was screaming into the wind as they drove back to the quiet little street where he lived. Liam’s sudden fear sank into his belly like a stone. It kept him from floating off as he watched the wild boy beside him yell and holler and sing into the slow lethargic world around them. And for once Liam was glad it was there, because if he floated off he wouldn’t be next to Theo any longer, and today he’d seen the older boy smile more than ever. Even if the future was uncertain and frightening, even if he was doomed, that alone made it a good day.

Chapter Text

‘Liam that’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard in my life.’ Nolan stared at him. Liam had gotten everyone together at lunch to tell them what his dad was planning with Mr. Hale. They’d sat in the grass under the big tree in the back of the school and listened the entire time, not a single one of them interrupting or making a joke. Even now they were quiet, except Nolan.

‘Does Mr. Hale know?’ Mason asked. His hand and found Corey’s without even looking.

‘I asked to meet him after school to tell him.’ Liam said

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Danny asked.

‘I won’t be alone.’ Liam thought of Theo’s offer. Having him there would help a lot. If Liam was alone there was no way he’d be able to explain things clearly, or at all.

Nolan shot Liam a look.

‘Stiles will be there.’ Liam mumbled, and it was enough to set Nolan at ease. Part of Liam surged with anger immediately—it was not Nolan’s business who he saw or liked or maybe one day kissed. Liam knew it came from a good place, but that didn’t change the fact he could make his own decisions. But he pushed that side down. At least he hasn’t lied, not really. Stiles was going to be there too.

‘It’s war.’ Kira said and the entire group looked up at her. ‘He’s declaring war.’

‘That’s a little—‘ Mason frowned.

‘War.’ Nolan had a serious look on his face for once. He nodded at Kira. ‘What do we do?’

‘We fight back.’ Hayden said.

‘We’re already—‘

‘Mason,’ Danny squeezed the younger boy’s shoulder, ‘We have to do something. We can’t just sit and wait to have a reaction to awful shit that’s coming our way.’

‘But we can’t go around retaliating against things that haven’t happened!’ Mason said.

‘I’m done being a punching bag.’ Kira stood.

‘You make it sound so extreme.’ Mason said.

‘Me? I make it sound extreme?’

‘Yes!’

‘Excuse me, do we live in the same world?’

‘Yeah, and things are a lot better than they used to be. When my dad was a kid—‘ Mason stared but Kira held up her hand.

‘I don’t want better. I want safe. I want respect. I want to be treated like a human being. One whistle or catcall or fucking comment is too much.’ Kira got in Mason’s face.

‘Maybe we should all just, take a minute.’ Danny said.

‘How can you just roll over?! Now’s the time to fight. To push back so they see that we still have teeth even after all this bullshit about how the world is different and better now, when it’s only the small surface things that have change. And even then only because the brilliant leaders before us compromised on how to make our “lifestyles” appealing to the mainstream!’

‘Kira!’ Everyone was shocked to hear Corey yell. Instantly everyone went quiet. The shy boy looked angrier than Liam had ever seen him—a look that in Liam’s experience usually meant someone was going to get hit, or worse.

‘I know you’re angry. I’m angry! We’re all fucking pissed off but we’re keeping hold of that so we can discuss what to do next. Mason lives in the same world as all of us. He knows that the struggles we all face aren’t over and done with. We live them every fucking day!’

Mason drew Corey close to him and squeezed his hand. Corey seemed to settle down a bit. Mason exhaled.

‘Every time we’re walking down the street and want to hold hands, we have to look around. Because we don’t know if it’s safe. In some spaces we have to act totally different, just to blend in. I know it’s the same for you and Malia. I know you get shit, too. All of us do. Worse than that, it’s not just in public. You know I can’t go over to Corey’s house? Because his dad is homophobic. Racist too. Do you know how fucked up that is? It’s fucked. I can’t even go over to my boyfriend’s house and do homework. I can’t meet his family. Shit that most people take for granted. No, the world isn’t perfect. Yes, things need to change. I understand that. I’m just saying there’s no reason we can’t take all this anger and pour it into something smart. Beat them at their own game.’ Mason finished.

‘Stonewall wouldn’t have happened if they thought like that back then.’ Kira was calmer, but there was still a hard edge in her eyes.

‘If we end up making the first move it could all backfire and get us into even more trouble.’ Hayden said. Kira snorted.

‘You’re saying we should do nothing?’ Nolan looked at Mason.

‘I’m saying we stick to our plan. But maybe we need to a little more careful.’

‘Fuck careful.’ Kira said before she stormed off. Mason seemed to wilt a little and Corey comforted him. Hayden and Danny started to whisper to each other with worried expressions.

‘What about you?’ Nolan sat beside Liam, ‘What do you think?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Okay well, what do you feel? Don’t think about it just blurt it out.’ Nolan’s shoulder knocked into him gently.

Liam opened his mouth and turned inward to describe what he was feeling—but all that was there was rage and anger so hot that it made him gasp for air and choke. Nolan slapped him on the back.

‘Okay?’

Liam nodded. Nolan continued to wait. There was no way Liam could put the rolling flames inside of himself into words, so he closed his eyes and spoke slowly.

‘I’m angry at my dad. And the church. And maybe the world. I’m…glad you’re all my friends. Because if I was feeling like this alone, if all this happened and I didn’t have anyone around me to help. I might… It would be harder. A lot harder.’ Liam felt another hand on his back. He smiled when he opened his eyes and saw Mason there. A pang of guilt hooked into his guts and yanked when he remembered he hadn’t come out to them yet. Not really. Not all of them. But that was supposed to happen when he was comfortable. Not when he was mad or to be mean or other things. At least that’s what Kira and Scott both had said, though in different ways.

‘So what now?’ Hayden asked.

‘Liam has to tell Mr. Hale, and from there he can tell us what we should do. He is our club advisor.’ Mason said.

‘This is insane.’ Danny said to himself.

‘Are you going to tell Isaac?’ Nolan asked him.

‘He already heard from Th—‘ Danny’s eyes darted up to Liam, then away. ‘He already heard from someone.’

Nolan frowned but before he could question Danny the older boy was holding out his lunch.

‘I’m not hungry anymore.’ Danny said. Nolan’s eyes lit up as he dove into the french fries. Liam was glad to see that at least some things were the same.

Liam stood outside of Scott’s house. He was nervous, but he was glad that Theo had suggested that they meet Mr. Hale and Stiles in a neutral place where Liam felt comfortable. Given that he didn’t want to intrude on Mason and Corey’s time at Mason’s house, the next option was Scott’s place. After Theo explained on the phone what was going on, Scott agreed that it was best to meet at his place. Even though he was on speaker phone with both of them he didn’t ask any questions—just asked if Liam was doing alright. Now Liam was standing in front of Scott’s house and there were two cars parked along the street—one was Scott’s and the other was a newer looking car that Liam recognized as Mr. Hale’s. He knew Stiles had a jeep of some kind, but he assumed that Stiles probably came with Mr. Hale. Since they were together. As a couple. Which didn’t make him nervous at all. Especially since Stiles had glared at him that one time in detention.

‘Hey.’ Theo’s hand was on his shoulder and suddenly Liam felt a hundred times better. He smiled without thinking.

‘I didn’t know if you were already here or not.’ Liam said.

‘So you were… working up the courage to go inside?’ Theo asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘Even though you’ve been here dozens of times. And you know everyone inside.’

‘I know, it’s stupid.’

‘No, it’s cool. It’s fine.’ Theo smiled and rubbed Liam’s arm. ‘C’mon. I’m right here.’

As Liam opened the door he wondered what it was going to be like to have Stiles and Theo in the same room. Since they seemed to have a complicated past that somehow involved Scott. And Stiles was not a Theo fan at all. Or maybe even a Liam fan given his reaction at school.

‘What the hell is he doing here?!’ Stiles practically launched out of his seat at the kitchen table when Theo came in behind Liam.

‘Calm down.’ Derek grabbed Stiles by the shoulder and forced him to sit. Stiles shot back to his feet like a jack-in-the-box a moment later as he watched Liam and Theo take off their shoes.

‘Stiles—chill.’ Scott set a coffee in front of him and Derek. He looked at Liam with a curious expression, then to Theo. Liam swore there was a hint of a smile on his face as he turned back to the kitchen.

‘Have a seat! I’m brewing some more coffee.’

Liam watched Mr. Hale and Stiles fuss over what was going in who’s coffee for a moment before he headed to his own seat across from Stiles. Having Theo sit there was probably not the best idea. Still, seeing Mr. Hale… Derek, try to stop Stiles from putting a forth spoon-full of sugar into his coffee disarmed him and made him forget about being nervous entirely.

‘Liam how do you take your coffee?’ Scott asked from the kitchen.

‘Lots of cream, lots of sugar.’ Theo answered before Liam could open his mouth. Scott nodded and went to work.

‘How come you’re making his for him and we have to do our own?’ Stiles whined.

‘Because he’s a guest.’ Scott said.

‘So am I!’ Stiles protested.

‘You’re practically my brother.’ Scott dismissed him. Stiles pouted at Derek, who took a sip of his own coffee and made a face. Liam caught a hard eye roll from Theo that otherwise went unnoticed.

‘Did you sneak sugar into mine, too?’ Derek asked.

‘Maybe he thinks you’re too sour.’ Theo quipped, earning a scowl from Derek and a glare from Stiles.

‘Here.’ Scott set Liam’s coffee down in front of him and placed a mug of pitch-black coffee in front of Theo.

‘Just like your soul.’ Stiles smirked at his retort at Theo took a sip.

‘Rich and full-bodied?’ Theo gave a grin and flexed his arms and chest just a tiny bit, but it was enough for Liam’s mouth to suddenly go dry and his heart to speed up. Which caused him to sip his coffee too fast. Which made him sputter as he burned his mouth.

‘Shit, Theo. You’re killing the kid.’ Stiles passed some napkins to Liam.

‘Me? I didn’t do anything.’

‘Clearly Liam is so disgusted with your childish joke that he almost choked to death.’ Stiles patted Liam on the arm. Theo rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

‘Okay, okay. Settle down.’ Scott stirred his own coffee.

‘So, Liam—Scott was pretty insistent that you need to speak with us. Does it have to do with what we talked about during your free period the other day?’ Derek’s gaze was level and unflinching. Liam frowned. What had he discussed with Mr. Hale?

‘Remember the sumptuous feast my loving, definitely-not-gonna-be-a-professional-chef boyfriend made?’ Mr. Hale smiled. Everything inside Liam came to a crashing halt—he’d been so busy preoccupied with what was going on with his dad he’d forgotten he’d actually kind of sort of peek out of his hiding place. Or the closet. Or both. Maybe an armoire? But now with Mr. Hale reminding him, Liam’s own words shot through the back of his head like a spike.

‘I… the person I like. You can’t tell any one.’ Liam gave his best serious look, at least what he considered to be serious. Which maybe wasn’t as serious as he though given the strange look on Derek’s face that he quickly dropped and gave a solemn nod.

‘Just like you coming here, it’s your business and your business only.’

‘Even to the others?’ Liam hesitated.

‘Even them. Your life is your own and you decide what parts you share and with whom. And when.’ Derek added. Liam nodded. He twisted his fingers in on themselves and poked at the desk. The words were gone suddenly, or rather, they were there but they were all jumbled up and out of order. He narrowed his eyes and tried to focus them into a sentence.

‘I like a…boy person. A guy.’ Liam’s voice was barely a whisper, waiting for the hammer to come down. Instead Mr. Hale shifted in his seat and gave a gentle smile.

‘Well… he’s one lucky boy if you like him.’ Mr. Hale said.

‘Liam are you okay?’ Scott asked as she shook Liam’s shoulder.

‘I just… I…’ Liam was on the verge of panic. This isn’t where he wanted this to happen, and certainly not with Theo there. Or Stiles. Or anyone, because it wasn’t real and didn’t mean anything and he could just keep living life as he always had if he kept his head down and shut up. Except he hadn’t kept his head down, and he did the opposite of shutting up when he told Derek all about his crush. On a boy. An older boy. One that unbeknownst to Mr. Hale was sitting directly across from him. A boy that had dated Scott and hurt him, and possibly had something going with Stiles at some point, which also didn’t end good. But that fit the theme of Liam’s life at least. Here he was, in almost the biggest powder keg of emotional dynamite his life could produce and Mr. Hale was about to might the fuse with a match because he thought it was too dark to see. Unknowingly dooming Liam faster than he ever thought possible.

‘It’s alright Liam. I didn’t mean to bring up the… test scores.’ Derek’s face was apologetic. Liam thought. It was hard to pick apart apologetic and guilty sometimes. Or maybe they were emotions that overlapped. Either way his brain picked up on the cue that Derek was saying something without saying it. One of Liam’s greatest difficulties to decipher. But it seemed like Derek was apologizing, and also giving Liam an excuse to change the topic. To steer the conversation away from what he’d confessed in free period.

‘Did you flunk or something?’ Theo whispered extra-loud.

‘Or something.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Well if it’s not that—‘

‘Spill it, Stepford son.’ Stiles was leaning across the table. ‘Is this jerk messing with you? Do you want Derek and me to beat the shit out of him? Cuz I will!’

Derek shot him a look.

‘I will! I can take him.’ Stiles insisted. No one made a comment and he slowly sank into his seat. Theo snorted.

‘I uhhh… You know how my dad is.’ Liam looked at Derek. Suddenly Liam could feel the pressure in the room and it was all directed at him.

‘He wants me to do something awful and get you into trouble.’ Liam mumbled.

‘He what?’ Stiles frowned.

‘My dad wants me to uhhh…’ Liam looks over at Theo.

‘You got this, Killer.’ Theo’s words earned a dark look from Stiles and there was an expression on Scott’s face that Liam didn’t recognize.

‘My dad told me to get you to tutor me and give me extra help and try to make sure it was alone and then he’s gonna accuse you of… like, coming onto me and kissing and stuff.’ Liam felt his cheeks burn. It was an odd contrast to the sick feeling rolling around in his guts.

After a few seconds of silence Stiles shot to his feet and stormed out the back door. Derek got up to follow but Scott shook his head.

‘Backyard is fenced in. Unless he’s gained the ability to jump eight feet he’ll have to come back through here if he wants to take off and do something stupid.’ Scott said, then looked at Liam.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah. I’m… sure.’ Liam said. Under the table he felt Theo’s foot knock into his. At first he assumed it was an accident. Then Theo’s foot was moving under his leg to rest along the inside part of Liam’s foot. It was an odd gesture, but it was hidden from everyone else and it made Liam aware of Theo’s presence. When he looked up and the punk, Theo drummed his fingers on the table and sang a quiet song to himself as if he hadn’t noticed at all. Normally Liam took things at face value, but with Theo he always knew there was something else now. Something more. So he exhaled and closed his eyes for a second before continuing.

‘I’m not gonna do it. I think… I hate him.’ Liam opened his eyes. Derek looked hurt, but Liam wasn’t sure if it was because of what he was supposed to do, or if he’d said something wrong. Kids were not supposed to hate their parents. But when he thought back to all the memories of his father, they either didn’t exist, or they were mandatory moments of prescribed happiness—birthdays, holidays, public events at church. Besides that there was no bond, no closeness. That had been his mom and his grandmother. His dad didn’t seem to want anything to do with him, at least until he was nine or ten. After that all the lessons and teachings he’d been giving Liam were not ones based on kindness or patience. There was no love there, at least none Liam could see.

‘Liam, that’s a bit harsh—‘ Scott started.

‘Fuck that, McCall. He hates his old man. And from the sound of it his old man deserves it.’ Theo rocked forward in his chair.

‘It’s a waste of energy to—‘

‘Enough.’ Derek’s voice was gentle but stern. He was the first real adult that Liam felt sort of comfortable around, besides when his mom and grandmother were there. If Derek had yelled it would have been distressing, but he seemed so calm even though he was clearly distressed. For a moment Liam wondered what it would have been like to have Derek for a dad. Which was a strange thought, because Derek was so young. At the same time Liam thought Derek would probably be a good dad.

‘Liam, thank you for telling us this. I know it must have been hard. You don’t need to worry about anything from this point on. I’ll take care of it.’

‘But I—‘

‘Liam, you’re a kid. You’re all kids.’ Derek said. Theo flipped him off. Derek sighed.

‘What I mean is you shouldn’t have to worry about this stuff. You should be thinking of who to ask to a dance, or hanging out with your friends. Or… test scores. It’s not fair for you to have to deal with all of this shit on top of it.’

‘It’s not fair,’ Scott said as Stiles stormed back into the room and slowed his pace, ‘But we don’t exactly get a choice. Do we. We’re not like the mainstream. The majority. Our hearts are free to love whoever we want, and there’s a lot of lip service about tolerance and equality. But this is reality. Who we are can be used as weapons against us, no matter how old we are. And we’re the ones that bear the brunt of it. The fallout. Even if it ends well, it’s still something that should have never happened, and wouldn’t happen if we were straight.’

‘I’m sorry… about all of this.’ Derek said.

‘You’ve got shit all to apologize for.’ Theo said.

‘For once I agree with the asshole.’ Stiles mumbled as he took Derek’s hand in his own. Theo made a fake curtsey.

‘But we don’t do it alone.’ Liam said.

‘What?’ Stiles asked.

‘What Scott said. We go through shit other kids don’t have to. That no kid should. But, we don’t do it alone. We have each other. We’re together.’ Liam said. Then realized his choice of words might reveal more than he’d hoped. But as he opened his mouth to try and fix it, Stiles snapped his fingers.

‘Right.’ Stiles nodded. ‘Right! Man you must be spending a lot of time with Scott cuz he’s rubbing off on you.’

Theo mumbled something with a frown but it was too quick for Liam to catch.

‘We should go. I have a lot of phone calls to make.’ Derek set his mug down and put a hand on Liam’s shoulder. ‘Don’t worry. You did the right thing, Liam.’

Liam nodded. The sick feeling in his gut lingered but it was much smaller now. As they said their goodbyes Stiles pulled him into a hug, which surprised Liam. He was even more surprised when he hugged the skinny boy back without hesitation. Maybe Scott was influencing him. The thought made him happy, because Scott was pretty cool. And nice.

‘What now?’ Liam asked.

‘Well, Isaac is coming over. You guys can crash here and watch TV or something with us.’ Scott started cleaning up.

‘You and Bones. I still can’t picture it.’ Theo looked up at the ceiling. ‘I mean, he’s kinda hot in that “I’m the grave-digger’s son” kind of way.’

‘Fuck off.’ Scott threw a dish towel at Theo. They both sound annoyed, but there was a playful quality to the banter.

‘So?’ Scott put the mugs away.

‘Pass. Me an Killer have plans.’ Theo got to his feet. He winked at Liam.

‘You do?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded. ‘We’re uhh…’

‘Going shopping.’ Theo smirked. Scott shook his head. Liam blinked in confusion. As Theo grabbed his arm, Liam squeaked out a goodbye to Scott and then they were out the door.

Theo’s definition of shopping meant going to every second-hand store and thrift shop in a ten mile radius. Liam wasn’t sure so he just followed Theo around as the singer grumbled to himself while pawing through old jeans and t-shirts. But either there was nothing Theo liked or it was maybe too expensive. Liam wasn’t sure.

When they stormed off to the next place up the street Liam struggled to keep pace with Theo. Maybe if he knew what the singer was looking for he could help.

‘We could go to that big walmart a few blocks away if you can’t find what you’re looking for.’

‘Screw Walmart. I mean, some stuff is cheap and you gotta live. But at the same time screw Walmart! Besides, we’re not shopping for me, we’re shopping for you.’

‘Me? Why?’

‘Dude, it’s hot as balls out and you’re wearing like three shirts.’ Theo grabbed the collar of his own shirt and fanned at against his chest.

‘I just… I’m…’

‘I can see the sweat stains.’

‘I’m used to it. It’s fine.’

‘Firstly, no it’s not fine. Second—if I have to look at pastel and cocky one more time I’ll puke.’

‘It’s khaki.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Thank fuck. Was wondering how something so boring could have such a ballsy name. Anyway, do you like what you have on?’ Theo asked.

Liam frowned. He’d never thought too much about it. He knew it made him kind of stick out as a straight-laced kid. Formal. Stuffy. Button up shirts with long sleeves, undershirts, perfectly pressed pants and shiny shoes. He liked wearing the stuff Mason had given him, and Scott had loaned him. He didn’t get to have a t-shirt and jeans like other kids whenever he wanted. He wasn’t allowed. Or was he?

‘I hate it.’

‘Thank fucking god.’ Theo exhaled.

‘What would you do if I said I liked it?’

‘I would have smiled and told you I politely disagreed but I would respect your decision to dress like a fifty-year-old, suburban douchebag.’ Theo bowed slightly and Liam snorted.

‘Was that a laugh?’

‘No.’

‘Sounded like one.’ Theo smiled. Liam found his grin was infectious. The punk opened the door to the shop in front of them and waved Liam in.

The inside of the store was huge—full of bins and racks of second-hand clothes and trinkets. There were one or two people milling around looking through things, and awful music played over the ancient PA system that reminded Liam of being in a boring elevator.

‘My friend Tracey works here part-time. She’ll hook us up.’ Theo said as they walked up the counter. A very bored teenager was leaning against the counter, scrolling through her phone. She looked up as they approached and seemed relieved.

‘I thought you were the golf-hat guy.’ She explained after Theo raised an eyebrow.

‘The gold-hat guy?’ Liam asked.

‘Comes in like five times a day to see if we have any of those old white guy golf-hats in stock. Like they come in all the time or something. His breath smells like plasticine.’ Tracey said.

‘Gross.’ Theo chuckled. ‘Tracey, this is Liam. Liam, Tracey.’

Liam shook her hand. She gave Theo a look but the punk pretended to inspect the religious flyer someone had pinned up on the bulletin board beside him. Liam slowly recognized Tracey from the restaurant where Theo worked. He’d only seen her a few times but he was sure Theo had mentioned her before. Maybe.

‘Take your time.’ Tracey waved to them as she went back to her phone. ‘Oh, and be careful with some of the change rooms. Local kids are fucking pigs.’

‘Okay?’ Liam said. He followed Theo as he searched the racks, piling Liam’s arms high with faded t-shirts and worn jeans.

‘Is this all for me?’ He asked.

‘Naw. Well. Most of it. Some it I think I could rock.’ Theo appeared to be the top of a very pink head of hair the clothes in Liam’s arms were so high.

‘Can I set this down?’

‘What?’

‘It’s heavy.’

‘Fuck yes.’ Theo guided him to the edge of a bin filled with aprons. Easy enough to pick out their stuff from that anyway.

‘You didn’t have to carry all that shit.’

‘You kept handing it to me.’ Liam pointed out.

‘Oh. Guess I’m just used to people not putting up with me.’ Theo chuckled. ‘I just thought if you got tired you’d dump ‘em.’

‘They’re get dirty then.’ Liam said. Theo looked at him for a long moment.

‘Sometimes you’re… never mind. Look.’ Theo held up a tee. ‘You’d look hot in this I bet.’

‘Hot?’ Liam felt his cheeks flush.

‘Sure! Said it before, you look pretty built. And this thing looks like it’ll fit. Try it on.’ Theo handed him the shirt.

‘Here?’

‘Why not.’

‘Someone might see.’

‘See what? Your nipples? We all got ‘em. Whip ‘em out.’ Theo shrugged. It was easy for him to say that—Theo has muscles and tattoos. Liam just had skin. And his dad actually didn’t make him wear three shirts. He wore them to keep distance between the world and his body. So people wouldn’t see him. So he didn’t need to see himself. It made Liam uncomfortable. Still, he’d been uncomfortable the first punk show at first. He’d been uncomfortable at the GSA. And so many other times, and they’d kind of turned into good experiences. Or at least ones that didn’t really hurt him.

‘The change rooms are—‘ Theo stopped as Liam peeled out of his long-sleeve, then tore his button up shirt off. Then struggled out of undershirt. He stood in the middle of the store with his torso bare, heart racing. And nothing happened. No one even looked up. As Liam relaxed a bit he noticed Theo staring.

‘I know I’m not as fit as you.’ He clutched his shirt.

‘No! It’s uhh… you just have a nice chest. That’s all.’ Theo started to go through the rack of clothes again. Looking back at Liam every second or so.

‘I do?’

‘You do.’ Theo looked a bit off but he was being nice and that made Liam relax.

‘Here. This one.’ Theo handed him a different shirt. Liam took it.

‘You have more chest hair than me.’

‘Oh.’ Liam looked down while in the middle of putting the shirt on. ‘I guess.’

‘It’s neat.’ There was an odd wobble to Theo’s voice Liam had never heard but he was too busy pulling the shirt over his head to pay attention. He did hear Theo cursing under his breath about something though.

‘How does it look?’ Liam held out his arms. Theo was the very image of cool and relaxed when he looked up. He walked around Liam and made exaggerated noises of approval. Liam chuckled.

‘I guess alright then.’ He said as the punk came back to stand in front of him.

‘Some people think anyone that has band merch that hasn’t been to a live show is a poser.’ Theo reached out to tug the hem on Liam’s shirt down and smooth the wrinkles. ‘But whatever. Some of these bands are so old all the people in ‘em up and croaked. Plus you look… cool.’

‘Cool. Me.’

‘Yeah. Cool.’ Theo nodded to himself. After that he convinced Liam to try on a few more shirts. Theo had discarded three times as many and now was looking through the jeans.

‘Are you okay? After all that stuff with Derek and Stiles. And your old man.’ Theo spoke without looking at Liam, like it was too hard to do both for some reason.

‘No. Kinda. I think I will be eventually. But right now if I think about it I get…muddy.’

‘Better not to talk about it?’

‘I guess. Maybe. I just think about my dad and I wonder what does he think. How does he see me. Stuff like that.’

‘And you said you hated him.’

‘Yes.’ Liam nodded. That was something that fell into place faster than he thought it would. So fast that it bothered him. How long had he felt like this and not realized it? How long had fear eclipsed the anger and resentment living inside of him?

‘I hated my old man too.’ Theo grabbed a pair of jeans and added them to the “try on” pile. ‘Fucker broke two of my fingers once.’

‘Oh.’ Liam frowned.

‘Slammed the car door on them when I was eight.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine. He’s dead now. I’m not.’ Theo nodded to himself.

‘Scott…’ Liam didn’t know how to form his question, but Theo caught the heart of it with just that one name.

‘He was around yeah. He… had his own problems with his dad. Worse than mine sometimes. He dealt with it though. And now he’s fine. Everything’s fine.’

‘Everything’s fine.’ Liam muttered.

‘Let’s try this shit on.’ Theo took a portion of the clothes from Liam’s arms.

‘Now?’

‘Yeah. But maybe in the change rooms. Unless you wanna flash your boxers to the world.’

‘How’d you know I wear… it’s just a saying, isn’t it?’ Liam frowned. Theo laughed.

‘It is, but now I know you wear boxers! Straight from the source, Killer.’ Theo winked as they made their way into the back of the store. There were three stalls to change in, and one had a big, hand-made, DO NOT ENTER sign on it. Theo grabbed a few things from Liam’s pile of clothes and went into his own stall.

Liam looked at the pile of clothes left in his arms. Four pairs of jeans to try on. He looked at the front of the store—Tracey was half-looking at her phone and half-ringing in a customer. The bell on the door rang as two other people came in. Liam opened the second change stall and stepped in. He could see Theo’s feet shifting around in the room beside him. Liam quickly unfastened his pants and took them off. As he set them aside he turned around and noticed the mess on the wall and corner.

‘What’s wrong?’ Theo asked from next door.

‘There’s a… something all over the change room here.’

‘Shit. Come out, you can use mine. I’m almost done.’ Theo said. Liam hovered—he wanted to put his pants back on but he also didn’t want to spend another second in the gross change room that looked like someone had ten too-many pizzas. There was hardly anyone in the store and Theo was almost done. He’d step out of his stall and then Theo would be out of his and he’d go right in. Besides, Theo already knew he wore boxers so that meant it wasn’t embarrassing. Maybe.

Liam stepped outside and shuddered as he closed the change room door. Definitely not one anyone should go in.

‘Theo?’

‘One sec… these are kinda tight and hard to get off.’

‘Okay.’ Liam held his clothes in front of himself and waited. Which was fine. Until he saw a familiar figure moving in his direction.

‘What?’ Theo asked from behind the door. ‘You made a noise.’

‘It’s the deacon’s wife! From church.’ Liam hissed.

‘Shit. One sec, I’ll be out.’

‘Imcomingin.’ Liam blurted as he pushed into the small change room just as Mrs. Ballard got near. He was immediately aware that there wasn’t really room for two people in the changing stall, and he was caught in a tangle of limbs and clothing right away. Second, Liam held his breath and heard Mrs. Ballard pass by. Thankfully. Third, Theo’s skin was very soft and warm. Which made him immediately blush because he was in his boxers and Theo…

Liam looked back, then snapped his head forward again right away.

‘What’s wrong, Killer?’

‘Yourenotwearinganyunderwear.’ Liam tried to calm his breathing down.

‘Oh. Yeah. Not my style.’ Theo’s voice was behind him, almost whispering in his ear. But Liam couldn’t blame him—there was no room in the little stall. And it wasn’t like Liam could step outside and excuse himself with the deacon’s wife right there. Neither could Theo from what Liam saw. So he looked away, straight into one of the mirrors on the door which revealed even more since there was a mirror behind Theo.

‘I didn’t see anything!’ He blurted as he squeezed his eyes shut. Theo chuckled.

‘I do.’ The singer’s hand was on Liam’s tummy. His bare tummy. And he could feel the callouses of Theo’s fingers from plucking guitar strings. Keeping him steady so he didn’t fall over and roll out into the store.

‘Is someone in there?’ A knock on the door followed by a jiggle of the handle. Liam slid the lock over at the last second.

‘It’s her.’ He whispered. Theo nodded.

‘Ocupado.’ Theo called out in a sing-song voice.

‘Oh ummm donde esta… el change room. Cuarto.’ The woman asked.

‘Her Spanish sucks.’ Theo giggled.

‘Shh!’ Liam elbowed him harder than he meant and Theo grunted.

‘Are you alright in there? Estás bueno?’

‘Uhh muy bueno. Gracias.’ Theo said through his teeth. They heard Mrs. Ballard open the door next to them and make a disgusted sound. Her footsteps echoed all the way to the front of the store. Liam exhaled when he heard her start to yell at Tracey. At least she wasn’t three inches away from them now.

‘Liam…’

‘Yeah?’

‘You’re crushing parts of me.’

‘Huh?’

‘Please move.’

‘Oh! I’m so sorry!’ Liam flattened himself against the door to give Theo some room.

‘Thanks.’

Liam peeked out through the edge of the door. Mrs. Ballard was still arguing with Tracey, who was giving it back to the woman as bad as she was getting it.

‘She’s still there.’

‘Well, if you’re gonna be in here then maybe you can help me get these damn pants off. They’re like a second skin.’ Theo cursed. Liam froze.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll cover up.’ There was no teasing in the punk’s voice, so Liam nodded and turned around. Theo was leaning against the back wall of the change room. His muscles were bunched up in places—tense with the effort of holding him up. One hand clutched a bandana around the place Liam’s eyes darted to, then quickly away.

‘Here.’ Liam shifted around to pull the jeans off of Theo. He was right—they were like a second skin. It took a lot of effort to get them to come off, and when they did Theo nearly lost his balance and his modesty. Not that the singer was modest at all.

‘Hand me those.’ Theo pointed at the ripped up jeans he’d come in with. Liam grabbed them. He looked at Theo’s muscled thighs and claves before turning away. Tattoos he hadn’t seen flowed together there in strange designs. His heard Theo grunt and hop into his jeans before doing up the zipper with an exaggerated motion.

‘I am presentable, m’lord.’

Liam turned to look at Theo again. The singer winked and grabbed his shirt. He threw it over his shoulder and wiggled past Liam, leaving him alone in the change room.

‘Try this on too.’ Theo tossed a different shirt to Liam, who caught it mid-air. The door closed and Liam rested his head against the cool mirror.

‘You okay, Killer?’ Theo’s voice had a comforting weight to it. Soothing almost.

‘I’m okay. I’ll be okay.’

‘Cool. Take your time.’

Liam calmed himself and tried on the rest of the clothes. As he finished putting his own back on he paused.

‘Is she still there?’ He asked through the door.

‘She stormed off like five minutes ago and said she’d never be back. So you’re good.’

‘Do you think I can wear…uh… that it’s okay to wear stuff? This stuff? Now?’

‘Oh. Well, usually you wanna wash this shit but I know here they do a pretty good job when stuff comes in.’ Theo said.

‘But it’s not against the law.’

Theo laughed.

‘If it was would that stop you?’ Provocation. Liam considered all of the things he’d done in the past few weeks. Months. All the chances he’d taken and all the laws he might have broken, even if it was accidental. That, combined with everything he was feeling right now made him feel hard inside. Like steel.

‘I’d say fuck it.’ The word felt jumbled and clumsy coming from his lips, but the noise Theo made told him that it was worth it.

‘Do what you want, Killer. I got you.’

Liam left the change room a few moments later wearing some jeans and a faded t-shirt that fit him a bit snug, but Theo insisted looked good. As he pulled out his wallet Theo shook his head.

‘Tracey’ll take care of it.’ Theo smiled. Tracey gave Liam a smirk.

‘These are “donations to the needy”. Seriously. You needed a new look. No offence.’ She smiled and then looked Liam over. He blushed.

‘And look at you now.’

‘Easy.’ Theo’s tone was level and serious. Tracey gave him a look, then chuckled. Theo folded his arms and went to look out the window.

‘He’s jealous.’ Tracey said to Liam as she wrote off their purchases.

‘Of me?’ Liam wasn’t sure but it felt like there was something between Theo and Tracey, though from the impression he just got maybe not. It was hard to tell.

‘Naw,’ She handed Liam the bag of clothes, ‘That I might steal you from him.’

‘Oh.’

‘C’mon, Killer.’ Theo held the door open.

‘Bye.’ Liam waved to Tracey as they left.

As they came up on the walkway to Theo’s place Liam felt a bit nervous. Theo just hummed and kept walking as if nothing was wrong.

‘That tattoo on your leg, what is it?’ Liam asked. Theo slowed down and got quiet. Thinking.

‘It’s a clan mark I guess you could say.’

‘Like…World of Warcraft?’ Liam asked.

‘No.’ Theo chuckled, ‘My mom, she was Wabanaki.’

‘So like…an Indian?’

‘Native. Or First Nations.’ Theo started walking but kept the pace slow.

‘What does that make you?’ Liam asked.

‘A mud-blood punk with pink hair and a big mouth.’ Theo shoved his hands in his pockets.

‘Mud-blood?’

‘It’s a… you know I thought I’d cracked your language there but I’m thinking Harry Potter might not have been the best guess for a preacher’s son.’

‘Oh yeah, I’ve never… not allowed to read those.’

‘Just means… mixed. Dirty blood. I guess.’ Theo’s voice was lower.

‘Doesn’t sound nice to say.’

‘Shit. I mean… cuz I got issues. Not because of my mom. That’s a whole other thing I guess. But I don’t have any contact with that part of our family. Too far away. It’s just me and Tara out here.’

‘I thought she was…’

‘Oh. Yeah.’ Theo nodded as they came to his door. Without warning it swung open and Josh came out.

‘Hey. Rent’s due.’ He paused to talk to Theo.

‘I’ll give it to Brett tomorrow.’

‘He’s pretty pissed at you for taking his car again.’

‘He’ll get over it.’

Josh looked at Liam, slow recognition dawning on his face, then something else. It was gone before Liam could grasp its meaning. But Josh gave a polite smile and nodded in his direction before continuing on his way.

‘So…’ Theo leaned back on his heels. ‘Now that you have some new clothes to go with the jacket you can come to the show tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow?’

‘Yeah they just announced it this morning…casual. Different venue. Scott and those guys know where it is.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘Don’t get too excited.’

‘I am! I just… I’ll make sure I have time.’

‘Cool.’

‘Theo? Thanks. For coming with me to Scott’s place. And for listening and stuff.’ Liam said.

‘Anytime, Killer.’ Theo said. As Liam left to walk back home, Theo’s crooked grin stayed with him the entire way.

Chapter Text

‘Alright you fuckers—think beautiful thoughts!’ Theo screamed into the mic. Malia slammed into the drums and the others brought their guitars to life as Theo growled lyrics that Liam thought no one could understand, but the energy was there.

Liam glanced over his shoulder at the rest of his friends. It had been a chore to get them all there, mostly because of scheduling. But Liam guessed also because of what was going on with his dad and the church. They’d tried to speak to Mr. Hale about it at lunch but he’d told them not to worry and everything was being handled. Liam assumed that he was trying to give them space to “be kids”, which was a nice thought but if any of them could help in anyway that was all they’d want to do. The entire incident (as Mason referred to it) had set the group on edge. Kira in particular was stressed out and constantly agitated. Even Nolan, who was usually an unstoppable chatterbox, was a lot quieter and more sullen than usual. In the end the show had won out due to the fact that they all knew on some level that Chimera would help them vent off whatever feelings they each had bottled up inside.

No one said anything when Liam pulled out Theo’s jacket from his book bag outside of the building and slid it on, but they all saw. Mason gave Corey a weird look. Liam had started to notice the looks more and more, it was like Mason and Corey shared some sort of secret eye language, but what they were saying Liam had no clue. So now they were in the middle of a sea of bodies—Liam decked out in clothing that Theo had picked. And in Theo jacket. And watching Theo sing. It made him smile, and when he looked at his friends to see their faces grinning or screaming or laughing, that made him even happier.

‘Some one get me a beer.’ Theo huffed as they ended the song. Five hands appeared at the edge of the stage, each holding up an amber bottle. Theo grabbed one and took a deep drink before wiping the sweat from his face. He set the bottle down on the stage and scanned the crowed. His eyes came to a stop on Liam. Theo’s expression changed, and his eyes roamed behind Liam, to his friends. Then down to the stage beneath his feet.

‘This next song is called “I’m Sorry For Being Such A Fucking Asshole And Hurting You All When You Did Nothing To Deserve It And I’m Trying Not To Be So Shitty But Probably Don’t Deserve A Second Chance”.’ Theo rattled off.

‘And it’s dedicated to everyone I’ve ever fucked over. I’m sorry.’ Theo spoke clearly but Liam thought it looked like he wanted to turn invisible. There was a lump in his throat suddenly and Nolan’s hand grabbed Liam’s shoulder.

‘Did he just…’ Nolan frowned. Before Liam could respond the band broke out into another song. So he turned towards Nolan and squeezed his hand. Nolan still looked confused, but started getting into the song. As the energy started to pick up Liam noticed he kept glancing up at the stage toward Brett. Who was looking down at them. Particularly where Liam was still holding Nolan’s hand. And it looked like Brett was furious but the song kept him on stage. Theo clocked it and looked like he was about to turn to Brett and do something (Liam wasn’t sure what) but then the pink-haired singer stopped and leaned into the mic.

Liam quietly let go of Nolan’s hand. He looked around for Scott who’d come only to watch Isaac (they did everything together lately) and saw the older boy staring at his chucks. He reached out to squeeze Scott’s shoulder—it was too loud to speak. Scott jumped when Liam’s palm made contact. Liam frowned when he saw the tears welling up in the corner of Scott’s eyes. The older boy smiled through them and tried to give a reassuring thumbs up.

‘I’ll be okay.’ Scott yelled in his ear—words barely forming over the loud clash of bass, guitar, and drums. Needing space.

Liam nodded. Scott stepped away, heading towards the restroom. Liam looked up at the stage. Theo seemed entangled in everything that happened to his friends, and not all of it was good. But he wanted to change that or at least that’s what it sounded like. He watched as the singer barked out the last, rattling vocals to the song. Theo grabbed another beer from an extended hand and started to speak with the others. Two different feelings crashed together inside of Liam and he couldn’t figure out what either of them were. Scott wasn’t the only one that needed some space.

The air outside was cold as Liam stepped outside. He felt a shiver race down his spine as he walked away from the building. He could still hear the crowd inside riding the aftermath of Chimera’s set. It sounded like Isaac was doing a solo. Or maybe they were just smashing things.

Liam sucked in a deep breath and leaned on the railing of the fire escape. He pushed his hair away from his face and smoothed it back—sweat making it stick in a disheveled swoop. He looked up at the trees swaying in the wind. Behind them the sky was dark, and the clouds were gathering on the horizon and letting the stars shine through the air pollution of the city.

‘Too hot in there?’ Theo’s voice was deep and playful. When Liam turned to look at him his lungs closed and he forgot to breathe. Theo’s chest glistened with sweat. Pink hair made dark by perspiration and a hint of a cocky smile on his lips. Liam felt warm inside, like there was a small sun inside of his ribs that radiated out to the backside of his skin. Theo stepped closer to lean on the railing and Liam could smell the singer’s sweat that he’d worked up during the frenzied performance.

‘Looking at constellations?’ Theo cocked his head.

‘Me? No, Just… stars. I don’t know any constellations.’

‘What about the big dipper? Everyone knows that one.’

‘Yeah I guess. Um. It’s there right?’ Liam pointed into the sky to the brightest star he could find.

‘I think that’s a satellite.’ Theo grinned. Liam was unprepared for Theo’s rough hand to encircle his wrist and gently angle it back a bit and to the left.

‘Right there.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said, but he was looking at Theo’s hand. The one still wrapped around his wrist. When he made eye contact with Theo again, the punk released his hand and pushed his untamed hair back from his face.

‘My mom used to tell me a story about it. The big dipper. But she always said it wasn’t a dipper—it’s seven hunters chasing a bear.’

‘Really?’

‘Sure, look.’ Theo pointed and Liam followed his finger tips as he counted out each star.

‘Oh cool. Where’s the bear?’

‘She’s there.’ Theo circled a spot in the sky. ‘They chase her through the sky every year.’

‘But they never catch her.’

‘No, they do. And she dies. But then the seasons pass and she comes back to life and they chase her all over again.’ Theo said.

‘So she exists just to die? That’s… tough.’ Liam said.

‘It’s not so cut and dry. Without her the hunters would die, too. It’s kinda like… a lesson I guess.’

‘That’s cool. Sorry I don’t know anything about uh… that kinda stuff.’

‘It’s cool. Not a lot of people do.’ Theo smiled. Liam felt himself smiling back by pure instinct. Inside there was a loud rush of noise as Brett started yelling at the crowd.

‘He’s pretty loud.’ Liam said.

‘Yeah. He has a lot to get out. Just like us really.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

‘That was pretty cool in there. What you said.’ Liam mumbled.

‘I… yeah.’ Theo shrugged. Which looked like he brushed it off as if it was nothing. But he was picking at his fingers and his left leg was bouncing a bit. Something Liam had only seen when the singer was agitated over something. Maybe it was something minor, or maybe not. He guessed Theo was like him in more ways than it seemed, and all his feelings might be caught and tangled up inside of him.

‘Did you mean it? The apology.’

‘Sure. I mean. Yeah. It’s just…’

‘You’re afraid.’ Liam said. Theo’s glare was swift and sharp but faltered immediately in the face of Liam’s openness.

‘You think they’ll throw it back in your face or something.’ Liam clarified.

‘Yeah. I guess.’ Theo mumbled. He flipped around and leaned back on the railing, looking straight up as he spoke.

‘Guys like me, we don’t get a lot of second chances. And we burn through them like fucking wild fire. Some of the things I’ve done… they twist me up. Fuck with my head that I fucked with so many people. Or hurt them. Especially when they’re like Scott. Or Stiles. Or your friends.’

‘But if you’re sorry they should forgive you.’ Liam said. Theo broke out into a huge grin, but it wilted as his mind turned back to whatever feelings were coursing through him in the moment.

‘You, too I guess.’

‘Me?’

‘I’m afraid I’m gonna do something dumb. And fuck things up for you. And you’re so… you’re you.’ Theo was looking up at the big dipper and for a second Liam wondered if he was talking to the stars and not to him, but neither option made any sense.

‘I’m not perfect. I got… stuff. To deal with.’

‘Join the pack.’ Theo chuckled.

‘But,’ Liam frowned and tried to put everything into words, ‘if I stop trying to deal with it, then I’ll lose me. Or what makes me myself. You said you’ve done things that hurt other people. I have too. And it makes me sick. And I hate that I did it. Sometimes I hate myself so much.’

‘Hey.’ Theo’s voice was gentle and he was standing beside Liam, warm hand on his back.

‘Do you ever feel like that? Like you hate yourself? Like you deserve to be hurt.’

Liam brushed the tears away with the back of his hand. His cheeks were hot with embarrassment but there was no way to stop them. The look on Theo’s face was confusing. Pain. Anger. Something secret that was just beyond Liam’s grasp.

‘Yeah.’ Theo’s voice was a gravely whisper, and for a moment Liam thought it had more than acknowledgement. It was something the singer was admitting to himself.

‘What do you do when you feel like that?’

‘Fuck everything up usually.’ Theo said, ‘Sometimes by fucking everyone. Sometimes by just being the fucking dick I am.’

‘Because you know it’ll hurt them?’

‘Yeah. That’s part of it. Pretty fucked up, huh?’

‘You want them to hurt you back.’

Theo was silent but his eyes darted back up to the sky. Thinking.

‘Did Scott ever tell you what happened with us?’

‘No.’ Liam said.

‘When I was like nine, my dad got us into a car accident. On purpose. He had his own fucking issues I guess. I dunno. He was a fucker. He died. So did my mom. A little while later Scott’s mom took me in. Me and Scott, we were already pretty close. Stiles too. And we got closer. Like kids do. And maybe I knew that he loved me. And maybe it terrified me. He put this tender, fucking fragile thing into my hands. I was angry. I was afraid. But that’s no excuse. I used him. Toyed with him. For years. And then when I was done I tossed him away like he was nothing. My best friend. My brother. Just like that. Except with Scott it takes two to break it off, and he’s fucking persistent. Maybe he knew me better than I knew myself. Fuck maybe he still does. No matter what I did to drive him away he was always there.’

Theo glanced at Liam, then back up to the stars.

‘The first time I tried to kill myself, it was Scott that found me. I woke up in the hospital and he was crying. And it was the strangest thing to me. I couldn’t understand it. Did he love me that much that he’d save my life after I hurt him over and over. The things I said to him. About him… how could he ever forgive me for that? He should’ve let me die.’

‘Fuck that.’ Liam spoke without thinking, but the surge of anger was too great to ignore. ‘Nothing merits that. Nothing.’

Theo smiled. ‘You sound just like him. Fuck. I’m fucked.’

Theo’s laugh was deep and genuine, echoing off the parking lot and the trees below.

‘Out of the three of us, Scott was always the strongest.’ Theo mumbled. ‘And you, you’re on a whole other level, Killer.’

‘Me?’

‘Maybe you don’t see it. Maybe not a lot of people do. But yeah, you’re strong. You need to be to survive.’

‘I guess so.’

‘Well,’ Theo pushed himself off the railing, ‘That’s enough depressing shit for one night!’

‘Yeah.’ Liam chewed his lower lip. He had so many thoughts he didn’t know which one to entertain.

‘Hey.’ Theo stopped him as he opened the door back into the building. ‘If you ever feel like that… like you hate yourself or whatever. You can tell me, okay? I mean, I’m not sure what I could do, but if there’s anything… I’d do it.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam’s smile was small. Shaky. But genuine. He took one last look at Theo—his pink hair slicked back with sweat. They stepped inside through the wall of heat and noise, back into rough lyrics and bleeding guitars.

It happened a few minutes later as Chimera got into their next song. Thankfully they hadn’t ramped up to full volume so when someone burst in and yelled ‘Police!’ They all heard.

Everything happened at once. Liam remembered the last time cops were chasing them down, but he’d been on autopilot more or less. Now it was so real and so now that he felt panic well up inside as people around him snapped and bolted. He was almost knocked down when a hand darted out and yanked him up onto the stage. Liam blinked as he looked at Theo. So close. He could almost ignore the yelling and shouting as cops burst into the room.

‘C’mon!’ Malia screamed and ushered the others through a small door by the back of the stage. Liam saw Scott, Nolan, and Mason already running through it. The other band members were ducking out the same door. Liam felt Theo’s hand in his own as the lead singer pulled him towards the exit.

Outside was chaos. Liam watched as two officers escorted a small girl with flaming red hair into the back of a van. Two others were chasing down kids that were heading towards the woods. A whole host of police cars were parked all along side of the building, bathing everything in red and blue light.

‘Hurry!’ Nolan gave Liam a shove. Liam glanced up at his friends—everyone was heading to the cover of the bushes, but there were two flashlight beams heading towards them. There was no way that they’d make it without getting caught.

Liam didn’t think. He stopped in his tracks, vaguely aware of Theo and Nolan stopping with him. He yanked off his shoe and threw it as hard as he could towards the police. It hit the tire of one of the cruisers—making enough of a noise to draw attention towards them.

‘Shit.’ Liam felt the word escape before he could stop it.

‘Holy fuck!’ Nolan yelled as the police caught sight of them and flashed their beams.

‘Killer, what the fuck!’ Theo yelled but he sounded amused. Almost laughing.

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t think!’ Liam ran along side Theo and Nolan. He caught sight of Kira, Malia, and Danny running with them. Liam guessed they were too far away to make it to the trees so they’d tossed their lot in with Liam’s crazy plan. Which wasn’t a plan. It was more of a random reflex to protect his friends. Except now there were a bunch of them with him so he’d failed. Unless he did something else.

‘Keep going.’ Liam said and turned around, running towards the bobbing lights.

Theo was beside him, matching pace.

‘Protect your head. Refuse to speak. Don’t tell them shit.’ Theo’s words were clipped and brief. Liam barely had time to consider them as the two officers descended and slammed them into the ground. Liam squirmed as his face was pushed into the dirt. He was able to catch the last silhouette of his friends as they managed to escape. Theo swearing and scrambling caught his attention and he looked over at the punk—pink hair matted with sweat and dirt. There was blood on his face. Running down his nose from where it’d been smashed into the ground.

Liam felt a surge of anger course through him. Then suddenly he wasn’t on the ground any more. The officer that had tried to cuff him was reeling on his back, unsure what had just happened. Liam gave a roar and launched himself towards the cop on top of Theo, tacking him and freeing the punk. Liam stood over the cop, chest heaving. His victory was short as the air was knocked from his lungs when two more cops tackled him from the shadows. He struggled to find Theo’s face, but there was too much dust. Too many punches. But he remembered what the singer said, and kept his head covered as best he could, hoping that his friends were safe. Hoping that Theo wasn’t hurt too bad. Whatever happened to him wasn’t important, as long as everyone was safe.

The holding cell was small and full of teenagers dressed in punk attire. They’d tried to question Liam but he’d remained silent. They’d grabbed Theo next and the punk addressed one or two of the officers by name. Parrish and Liam though the other was the sheriff. But his ears were still ringing and his heart was thundering. It felt like all of his skin had been torn off and he was sitting there, raw to the world. Unsure what to do with himself.

Beside him, one of the kids started to cry. Another teenager comforted him as the cell door opened and Theo was shoved inside.

‘Love you, too bud.’ Theo yelled after Parrish. The deputy mumbled something and walked away like he was marching to war. Liam glanced at Theo’s face—still bloody and covered in dirt. The worry must have been plain on his face because Theo touched his nose and winced.

‘Here.’ Liam grabbed the bandana from his pocket (Theo’s jacket pocket technically) and moved to clean Theo’s face. He paused for a moment, unsure if he was crossing a personal boundary. Maybe he was, but Theo just studied him with calm green eyes, so Liam kept going and did his best to clean the punk up.

‘They called your dad.’ Theo said.

‘What?’

‘I heard them on the phone when they grabbed me.’

‘I didn’t say who I was.’ Liam protested.

‘I guess the fame of being the preacher’s son has some draw backs.’ Theo smiled and immediately winced.

‘That was… ten minutes ago? How long do they usually keep us in here?’ Liam asked. His mind was jumping all over the place. It didn’t matter if his dad was on the way, as long as they got out before then. But from the look on Theo’s face that wasn’t going to happen.

Liam felt himself collapse inside. He cradled his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He hoped Scott got away with Isaac. And Nolan got away. And Kira. And everyone. They weren’t in the holding cell so Liam assumed that they has escaped. Maybe they were re-grouping now and coming up with a plan to fix everything. A daring rescue. Only it was impossible. They were surrounded by bars and brick and mortar. There was no way to escape. But it was alright. It would be fine. They got away and that’s all that mattered.

Except Theo.

Theo was stuck here with him, and his dad was going to see. And he’d know. He’d know everything in some way Liam couldn’t explain or define. He felt Theo’s hand on his back. Rubbing. Reassuring. What had he been thinking when he’d tackled that cop off of Theo? Liam wasn’t sure. It was fuzzy. And his head had been slammed into the ground a few times and someone had punched or kicked him (or both) and his ribs hurt. Face hurt. He knew the bleeding had stopped because he kept touching his cheek. What would his dad say? What would he do? With all of his righteous anger focused on the GSA a pink-haired boy would be a likely target. There had to be a way to make sure Theo was safe.

‘Fuck him. Yeah?’ Theo whispered, picking up on Liam’s unease.

‘Yeah.’ Liam mustered together the parts of him that were still thinking clearly. He would pay for this, he knew. The pastor’s son wasn’t supposed to be in a jail cell. The pastor’s son wasn’t meant to be arrested. And the pastor’s son most certainly wasn’t supposed to be attending underground punk shows with drinking and swearing and sex.

Liam spotted his dad down the hall. He didn’t look back to the cells as he spoke with the deputy at the front desk. If he could keep Theo out of it, keep him quiet, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He glanced at the punk and tried to communicate that, but he was unsure if he was successful. All of the things Theo had told him ran through his mind like lightning. Theo had done bad things. He’d hurt people. He was trying to change, and the world had hurt him more than enough. Liam knew it was up to him to step up and try to keep Theo from any more pain. Especially from his dad.

‘Dunbar.’ The deputy said as he walked to the door of the holding cell. Several feet away Liam’s dad stood. His face was made of stone. Unreadable.

The deputy opened the door. Now all Liam had to do was walk directly to his dad. Keep his eyes down. Keep Theo out of it. It would work as long as he didn’t look back at the singer, or as long as Theo didn’t speak. That wasn’t such a big deal, was it? It was a small price to pay to protect Theo. Keep him out of his dad’s sphere of interest.

‘Liam?’ Theo’s voice shook. Liam thought for a moment of sticking to his plan. Of facing forward and ignoring the punk, but that hurt more than the burning scrapes across his face from where he was knocked into the ground. He couldn’t help it. His body turned and took in Theo’s face. There was worry there. Uncertainty. Liam gave his best grin, but he was pretty low on them at the moment. Theo seemed to settle, then he looked past Liam, to his dad.

‘Come with me.’ The hand on his shoulder was firm. His dad spoke to Liam, but he was looking at Theo liked he’d seen a bug he wanted to step on. Liam wanted to tell Theo that it was okay—that he wouldn’t let his dad ever do anything to him. But he couldn’t say anything as his dad guided him out of the police station and into the cool night. As Liam climbed into the car and his dad slammed the door shut all he could think about was the look on Theo’s face. Longing. Anger. Fear. Except that couldn’t be right, because Liam knew that Theo Raeken wasn’t afraid of anything.

Chapter Text

‘If you don’t stop pacing I’m gonna get a tranquilizer.’ Brett watched as Theo walked the edges of the small living room, dark scowl etched onto his features. Threats didn’t matter—there was only one thing Theo responded to at all. Liam.

It had been five days since they’d been arrested and he’d watched Liam’s dad haul him away through the station door. Thankfully Melissa came to bail them out just off her shift at the hospital. Theo didn’t remember much of it but his body felt like a live wire. A knife looking for soft spots. Teeth so sharp they cut the gums around them. Agitated. He wanted to go straight to Liam’s place, but everyone else stopped him. Literally. The only person he remotely listened to was Melissa, and Scott had been able to calm him down once or twice over the past few days. Mostly because he offered to go over to Liam’s place on Theo’s behalf and see how he was doing. This morning Scott finally came back with an actual sighting of Liam outside of his church. A brief glimpse, but it was something.

‘We’re gonna sit down now. And we’re gonna play scrabble. And we’re gonna have a good time.’ Brett took Theo by the shoulders and guided him to an empty seat.

‘Scrabble.’ Theo grumbled.

‘Scrabble.’ Brett nodded. Theo opened his mouth to speak, earning a sharp glance from the tall punk in front of him.

‘If you mention him one more fucking time I swear to god I’m gonna deck you. Yes, it sucks. Yeah, it’s not fair. No, we’re not gonna break into his house and “liberate” him. Just sit there and be quiet for like an hour and do this thing with us so you don’t pace a fucking hole in the floor you’re driving me nuts!’

Theo leaned back and picked at the tear on the edge of the arm chair. Maybe he did need to relax a little bit. Scott said Liam looked okay. Not happy but okay. So that was good. Besides, it would be easier to sneak out later if he managed to put them at ease now.

‘The thing about scrabble is that it’s not very interesting when you can only use words from the English language.’ Theo looked up. Brett hovered at the edge of the table where he was setting up the board game. He glanced up at the singer with an annoyed glare.

‘You’re just trying to convince us to let you use that crazy language you know.’ He sounded annoyed, but inside he was relieved that Theo was talking about something other than Liam finally.

‘It’s not a crazy language, it’s my mother’s language. It’s like fourteen thousand years old. Do you know how old that is? The pyramids are only like… three thousand.’

‘Still not happening.’ Malia spoke without looking up from the couch. Hanging out at Theo’s place was not uncommon. Play board games was slightly uncommon. Having outsiders join them was extremely rare. Which was probably why no one looked at, or acknowledged Nolan perched on the edge of a chair by the door. No one except Brett, who would speak to him in hushed tones and sly smiles. Something Theo had missed completely until now, but he had been focused entirely on the idea of Liam being locked away, alone in the house with his asshole dad. Still, Nolan wasn’t bad to have around. Theo just didn’t know how to approach him.

At first things were awkward. Theo was ready for the freckle-faced boy to launch into a rant or throw something like Nolan usually looked when their paths crossed. But this time Nolan gave him a nervous smile, then looked away and focused his attention on Brett. More than Theo thought he’d end up with given the situation. Maybe Liam had been right about apologies. Maybe Liam was right about a lot of things, but how could he find out if he was stuck here, inside, playing scrabble?

‘Theo can you grab the snacks from the kitchen?’ Brett asked. Theo thought of several retorts but before he could speak the doorbell rang. He shot to his feet.

‘Probably the pizza.’ Malia’s eyes were focused on her phone as she exchanged rapid-fire texts with Kira.

‘Pizza takes priority.’ Theo forced a smile that Brett knew was fake. The tall boy rolled his eyes and Theo went to the front door. At least they were letting him near it now. For the first day after their arrest there seemed to be a member of Chimera on guard throughout the day. They even had Josh hanging around the side door to the apartment (convenient for him since his siblings could use the rarely-attend and very cracked pool beside their crummy apartment building. Not so convenient for Theo).

‘Better not be cold.’ Theo mumbled as he opened the door, then all words left him. Liam stood on the doorstep, knapsack and guitar case in hand. One eye was ringed in redness that Theo knew would turn to a sour purple, then fade to yellow before healing.

‘I ran away.’ Liam mumbled. Theo let the door handle go. A wave rose inside of him. He was barely aware of his hands trembling as he wrapped his arms around the boy in front of him. He felt Liam’s body give out and relax fully into the embrace.

‘Here’s the money for the…’ Brett stepped around the corner and watched the two holding each other for a moment. He scanned the belongings at Liam’s feet, then looked down the street to see if there was anyone watching.

Liam pulled away, tears running down his face. He hiccuped softly and looked away in embarrassment.

‘Get him inside.’ Brett moved out of the way as Theo guided Liam in. Brett scooped up Liam’s stuff and pulled the door shut behind him.

‘Fuck.’

Liam sat on the edge of the couch. They were all looking at him again. They were all looking at him when he came inside, at least until Theo growled and scared them into their corners (which made Liam feel bad because they were also his friends, but also relieved because there were just so many eyes taking him in). It had been Malia that shoved a towel into his arms and told him to go upstairs and take a shower. Theo had growled at her too but she just growled back. So Liam showered and when he was done he found his clothes had been taken and replaced with sweats and a t-shirt that had more holes in it than stitches. Now he was sitting in the living room again wearing someone else’s clothes, keenly aware of people staring at his eye and the ring of bruises around his wrist.

‘Scott’s coming over.’ Malia said as she ended her call.

‘Are you hungry?’ Nolan held out a bowl of macaroni and cheese to Liam, who took it more to have something in his hands than to eat but the look Nolan was giving him convinced him to take a bite. As soon as he tasted the food his stomach rumbled and he began eating in earnest.

‘I put sliced hot dogs in it.’ Nolan whispered to Malia, who rolled her eyes.

’S’good.’ Liam managed between a large mouthful and a hard swallow.

The sound of his fork against the second-hand thrift store bowl was the only sound that filled the entire room. Liam didn’t even notice when the door opened, or when Mason, Corey, Scott and Isaac filtered into the room. Only when he swallowed the last bite and realized there was none left did he look up.

‘Is there more?’ Liam asked.

‘Dude.’ Nolan’s eyes were wide, like he had witnessed a miracle, or something close to it at least.

‘What?’

‘That was two boxes!’ Nolan’s face was frozen in awe. Liam felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment.

‘Comin’ outta your tab.’ Brett mumbled (with decidedly less acid than usual Liam thought).

‘We’re not a bar, we don’t have tabs.’ Malia said.

‘We have tabs.’ Brett turned to face her.

‘This is an apartment. I’m pretty sure we don’t. And this is Theo’s place anyway.’ Kira joined in. Brett rolled is eyes. He tilted his head as Mason swiped a pop tart to split with Corey.

‘Put it on my tab?’ Mason’s smile was forced. Brett continued his glare for a few more seconds before letting it drop.

‘So spill.’ The tall punk folded his arms as he looked at Liam.

‘Back off.’ Theo’s tone was low. Even and steady. Brett barely flinched before giving a snort.

‘I ran away.’ Liam tried to say with confidence. Assuredness. Instead it came out like a whisper. Feathers brushing still air.

‘We heard that.’ This time Brett spoke without looking at him. Gently. Liam looked down to find Theo’s hand wrapped around his own. Warm and strong.

‘We had a fight.’ Liam tired to find something to look at in the room that wasn’t a person. Instead his traitorous eyes found their way back to Theo, who was staring at the beginning of the shiner around Liam’s eye. Liam touched it gingerly.

‘You should see the other guy.’ Liam’s joke fell flat as he hiccupped again. Theo slowly stood up, expression of stone unreadable. At least to most people. Liam could see the fury, the hell-bent anger. It sparked something inside of him that had been awake less than a day ago.

‘Don’t.’ Liam grabbed the pink-haired punk’s arm. Theo glanced down, almost like he didn’t see Liam fully.

‘The other guy is my dad. I mean… this was me. My fault.’ Liam mumbled.

‘It’s not your fault. He fucking hit you.’ Scott’s voice wavered. Liam noticed that he was crying, Isaac standing beside him protectively.

‘It is my fault.’ Liam said.

‘Dude, if we gotta stand here all day and repeat that it’s not your fault we’ll do it.’ Mason said.

‘You don’t get it—‘

‘—I’m with the love birds.’ Malia said. Which was confusing, because Liam didn’t know which couple she meant. Or if she was referring to herself and Kira.

‘Stop!’ Liam closed his eyes tight and clenched his fist. Searing heat just beneath his skin pooled out from his face and travelled down his chest and torso. He bit down hard on the inside of his cheeks until he felt the blood flow. The quick, thick pain helped ease back the rage welling up inside. Something he didn’t want his friends to see, ever. Not that part of him. The only person that seemed to notice (beside Kira), was Theo. The punk was leaning close to him suddenly. Liam could smell his sweat. Leather. And cheap shampoo that smelled like pears.

‘You can give it to me. You don’t have to hide it.’ Theo’s deep voice was somehow grounded and soft at the same time. There were feelings there too, that Liam could hear but not decipher. And suddenly his anger was gone and all that was left was bitter tears. He tried to hold in the sobs as they came up, but that made them worse. Embarrassment followed as Theo wrapped his arms around quaking shoulders. He felt the punk turn their bodies towards the wall, shielding Liam from the eyes of friends and family that wanted nothing more than to help him. See him happy. But not like this, not this part of him. He hated it, and Theo seemed to understand.

‘Any time you need to let it out,’ Theo’s voice was so low, right in Liam’s ear, impossible for anyone else to hear, ‘Let me know. We can go to the basement right now. You can break something if you want.’

Liam gulped air into his lungs as his tears dried. His forehead rested against Theo’s chest. He wasn’t sure if Theo meant break something in the basement, or break something on himself. Either way the anger inside flipped and rolled and changed. It came with a sickness that Theo thought that he could ever turn this loose on him. That he would ever hurt the singer. But he couldn’t put it into words. Instead he nodded slightly. And tried to stop crying. Theo’s shirt was wet beneath his cheek. When he finally pulled back Liam knew he was a mess. Scott handed him a warm facecloth and Liam cleaned himself up quickly.

‘We can call the police.’ The fact that it was Kira saying it told Liam how serious they all thought the situation was. And maybe they were right.

‘I just… it’s not that bad.’ Liam said. He saw five mouths open to speak, but whatever expression he made silenced them.

‘Yes, I have some… bruises. Most of them were from me. Umm…’

‘Going batshit crazy.’ Brett offered. Liam shot him a look. The sympathy and annoyance on the tall punk’s face was confusing. Maybe Brett heard what had happened before Liam’s mom had left.

‘Dude.’ Isaac cuffed Brett on the shoulder, earning a slow turn and a venomous glare.

‘He’s right.’ Liam said. ‘Sometimes I… flip out. And I hurt people. My dad, he tried to lock me in. He was yelling at me. I got so, so mad. Just… mad. And he grabbed my arm…’

Liam lifted his arm to expose the bruises on his wrist.

‘He used to do that to my mom. And worse. And I just…’ Liam shrugged. How could he put it into words how it felt to lose himself into warm darkness, and let the rage run free. He turned to Theo. The boy said nothing. Just sat, unmoving beside him.

‘Sometimes I don’t remember what happens. I think I hurt him.’ Liam said.

‘Good.’ Everyone turned towards Nolan. Gone was the innocent puppy-dog look. In its place Nolan looked fed up. Focused.

‘They hurt us so much, why shouldn’t we protect ourselves.’ Nolan said.

‘I don’t think Liam sees it like that.’ Kira’s voice was a soft nudge that knocked Nolan out of a place of anger and into sympathy for their friend sitting in front of them.

‘Liam, what do you want us to do?’ Scott stepped forward. So far the only one Theo hadn’t growled at.

‘I just…’ Liam looked around the room. The sense of anxiety and danger faded as he realized everyone in the room would defend him without asking. Even if he didn’t want them to. ‘Can I crash here? Just for awhile?’

Scott glanced up at Theo. Whatever invisible communication passed between them was summed up when Scott gave a subtle nod.

‘Sure. You can stay here. And if need us to get anything—‘

‘I don’t want anything from there.’ Liam said.

‘Alright. Well we’ll get you whatever you need. Okay?’

Liam nodded. Suddenly his body felt very heavy.

‘I think I’m a bit sleepy.’ Liam felt Theo lift him up. He tried to move his feet to walk but his limbs wouldn’t obey.

‘What did he say?’ He heard Nolan ask as Theo carried him towards the hallway.

‘He’s wiped.’ Brett said. He was squeezing Nolan’s shoulder. Liam looked up as Theo hefted him in his arms. The last thing he saw was Theo’s face smiling down at him. Faint stubble on his jaw. Green eyes full of sadness and something else. Something secret. Liam wanted to ask what the secret was, but all he managed was a mumble.

‘I got you, Killer. Sleep.’

And Liam slept.

Liam opened his eyes to bright sunlight. He blinked rapidly before shielding his eyes with his arm. Shifting on his elbow he saw that he wasn’t in his bed. Then everything came back in a quick snap. He could hear voices downstairs somewhere. A glance around the room gave him little to guess where he was, until he saw the leather jacket and the nail polish on a weathered desk heaped with notebooks. This was Theo’s room.

Liam sat up and took it in—smaller than his room at home, but packed full of stuff Liam had no clue about. There were paintings on a wall, and some sketch books littered shelves and parts of the floor. CDs and old records were everywhere and a small player sat in the corner next to three guitars—two Liam had seen before and one that was unfamiliar. Then he realized it was his guitar. His mother’s guitar, resting against Theo’s acoustic. For some reason the sight of it made his heart speed up.

The rest of the room had posters of plants and animals in a language Liam didn’t recognize—likely the language of Theo’s ancestors. He did mention he was part of a tribe on the other side of the country. There were also pictures. Some of a sullen boy and a girl with a dark expression. Some of Theo, Scott, and Stiles when they were kids. None of Theo’s parents from what Liam could see.

‘Killer! You want pancakes?!’ Theo’s voice bellowed over the others arguing in the back ground.

‘Uh…yes!’ He shouted as he stood up, feet getting caught in the sheets and making him topple to the ground. The dull thud resounded throughout the house. Moments later loud footsteps were booming up the stairs towards him. It was then that Liam realized he was naked.

‘Liam?’ Theo’s voice from down the hall. Liam panicked and looked around for his clothes. No good. He went to bed in some borrowed stuff last night.

‘Everything ok?’ Theo was closer. Liam looked under the bed—nothing.

‘It’s fine! I’m fine!’ Liam yelled. He dashed to the closet. Lots of jackets, no pants. No anything. Theo’s footsteps stopped outside the door. Liam lunged for the sheet and tried to pull it free but it was tucked into the bed too deeply.

‘Seriously?’ He gave a yank but the sheet wouldn’t budge.

‘Don’tcomein!’ Liam yelled, too late, as the door opened. He quickly covered himself as Theo’s eyes widened. Embarrassed he turned away. The sharp hiss followed by silence reminded him what his back looked like.

Theo was behind him suddenly. Liam could feel the heat of the other boy’s hands as they hovered over the fading bruises.

‘It’s—‘

‘You didn’t fall.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘I do know.’ The weight in Theo’s voice told him that the punk had seen this before. Felt it maybe.

‘It’s not—‘

‘—that bad.’ Theo stepped on Liam’s justification before he could finish.

‘Could be—‘
‘—worse.’ Theo stopped him again.

‘Don’t.’ Liam pushed the tears down deep. Theo turned and liberated the sheet by pulling it in a different direction. He wrapped it around Liam and sat on the bed. Liam sank down beside him.

‘Has Scott ever told you about our dads?’ Theo picked at his nail polish. Liam shook his head.

‘They liked to drink.’ Theo sat in silence. Liam could feel the words he was holding in like a tidal wave kept at bay by a hundred walls of stone. Theo’s face barely moved, but there were subtle turns of muscle. Hints of the anguish inside. As quickly as it came it was gone. A forced smile in its place.

‘They both got rough.’ Theo held out his hands. A helpless gesture “what-are-you-gonna-do”. ‘Melissa booted Scott’s dad. Mine went crazy and drove us into tree.’

The practiced nonchalance of it all rubbed Liam the wrong way. As if Theo had spoken the exact words before in the exact way he was speaking. It wasn’t real. Theo was hiding.

‘When I was a kid I was afraid to have friends over.’ Liam’s head dipped low. ‘Because I was afraid how my dad would react. Or what he would say. Or if he got mad that he might do something in front of my friends. But I wasn’t worried about him hurting them. He’d never do that. But if he hurt me then we would get in trouble and I wouldn’t have a family any more.’

Liam was vaguely aware of Theo turning to face him.

‘Then I started having issues. With anger and stuff. And my mom left. My dad helped me stay in control. That meant he must… he must love me, right? At least in some way. Maybe.’

‘I dunno, Liam.’ Theo frowned.

‘You said my name.’

‘I say your name all the time.’

‘Not really. Usually you call me Killer.’

‘Guess you’re right.’ A small smile came to Theo’s face.

‘I used to hate it. That name.’

‘I can stop—‘

‘I like it now. I think. Because I mean, I’m not…a killer. But I got this thing in me. That’s sharp. Hiding most of the time. But it’s there. It’s part of me. And that means it belongs doesn’t it?’

‘We all got stuff like that.’ Theo’s voice was thick. Liam remembered their talk outside of the venue before they were arrested and no words came that he could comfort the boy beside him. Instead Liam leaned over and wrapped his arms around Theo. The punk’s entire body stiffened—spine rigid and unyielding. Liam didn’t move. He just held Theo. Seconds passed into minutes and eventually Theo’s body relaxed with a long sigh. Taut muscles now soft and relaxed. Liam felt Theo’s finger touch the back of his hand. Callouses from guitar strings and fighting stroked the back of Liam’s hand. Rough and smooth together. It was a small gesture but it lit Liam up inside. All of the anger, the shame, the bad feelings shrank back for a moment and were replaced with excitement and warmth.

Liam edged closer, hugging Theo tighter to his body. He heard a small gasp escape the singers lips, then Theo hung his head, hiding his eyes from Liam. Pink hair draped across his forehead like a curtain. It was hard to figure out what Theo was thinking sometimes, and that was when Liam could see his face. Now it was nearly impossible. Was he happy? Mad? Theo didn’t seem to revel in physical contact, but Liam was finding it hard to let go.

‘Look at me. Please.’ A simple request, and even though his words were whispered they felt thunderous.

The response was sudden and immediate. When Theo’s head turned his nose brushed against Liam’s, making him move back a fraction of an inch. Far enough to search Liam’s eyes with his own. Before anything else could happen there was a loud knock on the door.

‘Whoa! Sorry.’ Scott closed the door as quickly as he opened it. Theo moved away quickly, leaving Liam alone on the bed. He wasn’t sure but it felt like there was something between him and Theo. A magnet. A force. Maybe the punk was leaning in, but that was impossible. Not that Theo didn’t kiss boys. He did. And girls too maybe. And other people. People Liam knew. And it wasn’t like there had been no chances for Theo to kiss him before. Probably. Or maybe not. Everything was so tangled up in his head.

‘I uh… should go. Make sure that they don’t burn the kitchen down.’ Theo mumbled. He reached for the door, then paused.

‘Thanks. Killer.’ He shot Liam a quick smile, then as he stepped through the door he was normal, acerbic Theo once more.

‘You okay?’ Scott asked as he peeked around the door. The older boy’s eyes darted to the ceiling suddenly and stayed there. Which was odd.

‘I… yeah.’

‘Was he…’

‘He was helping.’

‘Good. Okay.’ Scott nodded to himself. ‘Good. Helping is good.’

Liam frowned. He looked up—there was nothing interesting on the ceiling for Scott to look at, so Liam looked down. And suddenly realized he was still naked and wrapped in a sheet. And saw the very apparent reason Scott was acting weird.

‘Ohmygod.’ Liam bunched the sheet up around his waist. He looked over at Scott who was now shooting him a sheepish look and holding out some clothes.

‘You definitely need these.’

‘Please go and let me die.’

‘And miss out on the chance to tease you about this? Naw.’ Scott smiled. Liam took the clothes from the older boy’s hands and looked at them.

‘They’re Theo’s but I cleaned them. Between him and Brett these probably fit better even though he’s… broader.’

‘Oh.’ Liam didn’t know the exact emotion coursing through him but it was similar to wearing Theo’s jacket. But more.

‘Shit.’ Scott was smiling. Liam blinked in confusion.

‘What?’

‘Your face.’

‘What about it?’

‘Dude, you’re smiling so wide it looks like your face is gonna break.’

Suddenly Liam’s face flushed again. Blushing was definitely a feeling he was getting used to. But was still uncomfortable.

‘You like him.’

‘Everyone does.’

‘Liam, literally 2 people do and I’m one of them.’

‘That’s not fair.’

‘Liam…’

‘Can we… not talk about it. Right now. Please?’ Liam hugged the shirt to his chest. There was too much to think about, too much to feel. It was like being adrift on a rolling ocean in a storm. In the dark. Liam just needed something to hold on to, just for a moment. Just to figure it all out.

‘Sure. We can talk about it whenever. Or never. If you want.’ Scott’s tone was soft and understanding. But there was no pity there, just love. And patience.

‘Thanks.’

‘Get dressed and come eat the billion pancakes Nolan’s been making with Kira and Malia.’ Scott tapped the door frame then closed the door, leaving Liam to get dressed in peace.

Liam looked down at his lap and frowned.

‘Traitor.’

‘What are we watching?’ Liam asked after he came back downstairs. Breakfast had been an insane marathon of pancake syrup and whipped cream. Liam had never eaten a meal with Chimera before but it turned out to be very similar to their sets on stage. But it was fun to see all of his friends mixing with the band and how their dynamics were so different. At the same time it had been exhausting and Liam crawled back upstairs to have a shower and sleep in Theo’s bed.

Now that he’d rested a little he woke up to find it was late afternoon. Arguing voices (the same ones at breakfast) told Liam that everyone was still there and gathered in the living room. When he poked his head in he saw them all watching TV.

‘Star Trek.’ Nolan said from his spot nestled beside Brett.

‘Season 7 episode 5.’ Kira echoed without looking away from the screen. Malia rolled her eyes, earning an elbow from Kira.

‘Nerds love this show.’ Malia said.

‘Sit.’ Mason made a spot on the sofa next to Scott.

‘You’re watching it too.’ Danny pointed out.

‘It’s not totally dumb.’

‘It’s full of gender-binary, colonialist ideology.’ Kira said, ‘But also the scene where Wharf and Data say they’re still friends is fucking sweet as hell.’

‘Okay.’ Liam felt himself smile at his friend’s reaction. He scanned the room. Theo was no where to be seen. Scott caught the confusion on his face and leaned over.

‘He went out to grab some groceries with Isaac.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

Scott gave him a smile and squeezed his knee.

‘The special effects are so bad.’ Brett muttered.

‘It’s no about that.’ Kira swatted at him. Brett rolled his eyes. Liam caught him sneaking a glance at Nolan, casually brushing the hair from the back of Nolan’s neck.

‘I prefer Star Wars.’ Corey said. He was unprepared for the handfuls of popcorn launched at him suddenly and did his best to block them. Even Mason joined in.

‘You too?!’ Corey laughed.

‘Sorry that’s where I draw the line.’ Mason put a fistful of popcorn down his boyfriend’s shirt.

‘I like Star Wars.’ Theo said from the door. The rest of them rolled their eyes. Isaac followed the pink-haired singer, arms full of grocery bags.

‘Anyone ever tell you fuckers that you eat a lot?’ He asked.

‘Yeah, you. Every five minutes.’

‘What the hell is with all the popcorn?’

‘Had to be here.’ Mason quipped.

‘Need a hand?’ Liam asked. Theo looked at him, then nodded.

‘At least one of you isn’t a total savage.’ Theo said.

‘That’s a racial slur.’ Kira pointed out.

‘Yeah but I can say it since technically I am a savage. A proud savage.’ Theo beamed.

‘Isn’t it “merciless Indian savages”?’ Malia asked.

‘Whoa… been studying history or something?’

‘Finals.’

‘Finals.’ Danny rolled his eyes.

‘I have plenty of mercy.’ Theo handed several bags to Liam and retreated into the kitchen.

‘Bullshit.’ Brett said as they left.

‘What was all that?’ Liam asked as they put the groceries away.

‘They’re just fucking around.’ Theo chuckled.

‘But… doesn’t it upset you?’

Theo paused for a moment then put the peanut butter in the cupboard.

‘No. Because I know them. I know what’s in their hearts or whatever. If it was some random then yeah I’d be pissed. Or if some asshole spit at me with it. I’d fucking deck ‘em.’

‘I don’t think it’s very nice.’ Liam said.

‘Maybe. But hey, you can’t laugh at yourself who can? Or something.’ He didn’t seem phased so Liam let it go. Still… he’d heard Theo scream at people during sets that were using homophobic or racial slurs. Maybe it was different when Theo himself used them. Or maybe it was part of what Scott was calling self deprecating patterns. Like Liam did sometimes without thinking. It wasn’t like he had a monopoly on that behaviour.

‘Do you ever speak to your mom’s family?’ Liam asked. Theo gave no outside indication he heard.

‘Naw. Too far. And I don’t speak the language much. Or know the culture… and I’m… alone. So.’

Before Liam could ask another question Theo turned to him.

‘What about you? Where’s your mom?’

‘She’s… I’m not sure. New York? Maybe.’

‘Do you miss her?’

Liam’s throat hurt suddenly and tears welled up.

‘Hey, I’m sorry.’ Theo set his last bag down and came to Liam’s side.

‘It’s okay.’

‘Dude, you’re crying.’ Theo sounded like he was in pain.

‘Yeah. I guess.’

‘C’mere.’ Theo dragged Liam over to the counter. He set Liam down and started the kettle then went about making something on the stove.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘Making you something to drink. Here.’

‘What is it?’

‘Tea. Lemon. Whiskey.’

‘I don’t drink.’

‘I know. But there’s barely a sip in it and this’ll make you feel better.’

‘Okay.’ Liam took the mug and gave it a sip. It wasn’t bad.

‘It’s nice.’

‘My mom used to make it for us when we had nightmares.’ Theo sat beside him and sipped his own drink. It was hard to believe that the violent, angry, punk singer was sitting beside him drinking tea. Though there was whiskey in it… Still, the moment seemed different. Important. Something that was both a part of him and outside of himself. The sound and light of the TV show from the other room made him smile. All of his friends were here. And Theo was next to him, trying to make him feel better. For the first time in a long time Liam felt safe.

Chapter Text

‘But I’m the thimble.’ Liam frowned as he looked at the game board in front of them. This was usually how things ended up—Chimera and the rest of his friends sitting on Theo’s living-room floor playing some outdated board game (except Risk which was off limits since Malia and Theo tended to make unspoken pacts of wold domination and ruined any fun for the rest of them). Currently they were playing monopoly, which was not Liam’s favourite game since it involved an inordinate amount of math.

‘You are the top hat.’ Mason peered over the multi-coloured bills he was counting. Liam frowned. He was sure he picked the thimble. But then there were two mini-arguments over the nature of capitalism and how playing similar games only trained the very young into neo-liberal pesudo-democracy that they might think had choices but which only presented the illusion of choices. After that Liam lost track of the back and forth but he did remember Scott dolling out the pieces again so maybe he was the top hat. Which sucked because for a minute he thought he was winning.

‘Don’t worry about it. Watch this.’ Theo nudged him. Liam felt his heart leap into his throat, which was stupid because Theo was always around and always talking to him. It had been nearly two weeks since he ran away from home. Scott reported back that Liam’s father was pretending nothing was wrong but outside of church was going around to different parts of Beacon Hills looking for his son. Theo sometimes tailed him too. These were the days the pink-haired punk usually came back in a foul mood, but after hanging out with Liam for a little bit and listening to music (or to Liam’s embarrassment attempting to jam with him and his old acoustic guitar), Theo usually calmed down. So it was ultra dumb that Theo’s deep voice or mischievous little grin could make Liam feel so shaken. Or a light touch or squeeze of the shoulder would make Liam feel like a sun was rising inside of him.

Still, Liam watched as Theo tossed the dice. It seemed to be a bad roll but Theo then proceeded to bankrupt or over take everything he touched. In two turns the game was over—so many under the table deals (which Mason said were very much not fair, but Theo argued were totally in the spirit of the game) and double-crosses left Liam holding a tiny pewter top hat in the palm of his hand as the rest of the group broke down into more arguments about ruling classes, early punk music, and churros versus cinnamon rolls (which seemed to be a recurring debate between Corey and Nolan).

Theo’s quiet chuckle caught Liam’s attention. He glanced over at the older boy. Theo was studying their friends with a look Liam couldn’t quite decipher. Longing. Happiness. Maybe regret? Or being left out. Which didn’t make sense because Theo was at the core of them. But still, it often felt like the unspoken “leader” of Chimera was part from them somehow. Like there was a wall that none of them could quite get over. Maybe Scott had been over it once, but Liam could see that Theo kept it firmly in place now and even though the two of them teased and argued, and Theo would often give in to Scott’s asks, Theo was still by himself. It was a hard trick, Liam thought, to be alone in the middle of a room full of people that wanted nothing from you but to play games and music and share ideas. But it wasn’t impossible. And he wouldn’t be able to see it so clearly if he, himself wasn’t behind a wall of his own. Once a fortress, now much less. That felt good. But at the same time, to remove all of the walls was frightening. Maybe Theo felt the same. Which would be a problem, because Liam found himself wanting nothing more than to be close to Theo. To be the one that could walk behind that wall freely. But it didn’t seem possible. Especially when he didn’t even know how to escape his own.

‘Be back in a few hours.’ Theo announced as he pulled on a tattered hoodie. Liam’s eyes dipped to his mid-riff where a stretch of skin and ink were exposed for a quick second. Theo caught the look and gave a wink before disappearing out the door.

‘Want me to run a cold shower?’ Scott whispered. Liam turned to the older boy and Scott pointed to his cheeks, which had become the universal Liam sign language that he was blushing like a sunset. Liam pressed his palms into his cheeks and sighed. It had been embarrassing enough that Scott caught on that he liked Theo, if the others found out… what would he say? What could he say? At first when they had excluded him from things because they were afraid of his reactions to them being queer it was upsetting (it was actually still upsetting sometimes, which annoyed Liam the most, because he kept thinking he had forgiven and forgotten but sometimes the pain or anger would come back like a small shard or sliver wedged inside), now that he knew that he maybe, possibly, liked a boy, it kind of felt like he had been the bad one the entire time by not telling them. The weight of it came unexpected and Scott’s teasing comments drew out a panic Liam struggled to smother. After all, Scott was trying to be supportive and to show him that it wasn’t a big deal. But it was. Maybe. Or maybe it wasn’t. At this point Liam wasn’t sure of anything exactly.

‘Where does he go?’ Liam asked. Now that they were spending more time together Liam had noticed Theo ducking out a few times a week, always for a couple of hours at a time. The days were never the same, and most of the others didn’t bother questioning it since they all came and went as they needed or wanted to. Scott’s gaze lingered a moment. He looked like he was trying to decide to call Liam out on the sudden change of topic, but the activity from the rest of the group and the need for Liam to keep things secret swayed him.

‘I’m not sure.’

‘Have you ever followed him.’

‘Friends don’t spy on each other Liam.’ Scott tossed the remains of his fake dollar bills back into the game box. Liam fixed his eyes on the older boy.

‘Oh fine, yes. But Theo’s a private type of guy.’

‘He gave you the slip.’ Liam felt a small grin growing.

‘Four times.’ Scott grumbled. Liam chuckled. Scott was a good friend but he was keenly obsessed on protecting those around him. Which meant he could get slightly nosy some times. The rest of the group seemed to already know this and took it in stride. A quick reminder of boundaries always got him back on track.

‘Four?’ Liam frowned.

‘Yeah. Not in a row. Over the years.’

‘Years.’

‘I noticed he was sneaking off after the accident. After Tara… yeah.’

‘Oh.’ Liam looked at the top hat in his hand. That was a long time to be sneaking off by yourself. He wondered what exactly Theo was doing and where he went.

‘Don’t bother.’ Brett plucked the game piece from Liam’s palm. ‘None of us have been able to figure out where he goes. And if he wanted us to know he’d tell us.’

Liam folded his hands. Brett was still a jerk most of the time. Or at least he was when Theo wasn’t around. If Brett even looked at Liam sideways when the singer was near, Theo would start calling Brett by his nickname and getting him to do stuff (or they’d have a conversation about how the house needed more toilet paper or towels but they seemed to be having a secret conversation at the same time that had nothing to do with those things. Or the worst—when they had whole arguments without saying any words). Still, Liam put up with it. Mostly it was harmless, and Nolan kept Brett distracted for the bulk of the time Theo wasn’t there. And when he was. Actually, they kept all of them pretty distracted because the walls were thin and there were noises that both frightened Liam and made him intensely curious. Which of course caused blushing when he saw Nolan. Who was thankfully oblivious or shameless.

The front door opened and slammed, followed by Stiles poking his head in the room a few seconds later.

‘Where’s Liam? There’s Liam. Liam, come here. No wait, I’ll come there.’ Stiles was talking so fast it just made Liam blink. Which was also not unusual. Stiles came over now and again, which was not a lot. But enough to agitate some of the others who didn’t like the sheriff’s son (or one of society’s approved and accepted homosexuals, as Kira said) being over at their den of anarchy and free thought.

They watched in collective silence as Stiles fought a war to get his chucks off, falling backwards onto the floor and rolling around until finally liberating himself (from shoes he presumably tied himself), then launched himself towards where Liam and Scott were sitting beside the couch.

‘There’s some guy looking for you.’ Stiles blurted out.

‘Yeah, my dad.’ Liam said.

‘No not him. I mean, yes him. But not just him.’ Stiles waved his hands in the air.

‘You know this because…’ Scott watched his friend, waiting.

‘I went to see Derek after school because I’m not supposed to go when he’s on lunch any more or something stupid and I’m definitely bringing that up with the school because it’s total discrimination. And the church has no right to dictate—‘

‘Stiles!’

‘Right. So I went to see Derek after school was over, and he was talking to this guy. In a suit. Like an undercover guy. A cop. Or something. I didn’t hear them exactly but when I got closer I could hear him asking about Liam. Derek didn’t know exactly what the guy wanted but he’s trying to find Liam!’

‘Do you know who that would be?’ Scott asked.

‘No.’ Liam thought hard, ‘Unless my dad hired someone to find me? Or maybe he’s like, a member of the congregation.’

‘Didn’t exactly scream “church” vibes.’ Stiles crossed his arms.

‘I dunno.’ Liam said. It didn’t seem possible that his dad would care enough to hire someone to hunt him down. Unless he was that mad that Liam had run out. In which case it was only a matter of time until he was found. Especially if his dad hired professionals. So maybe it would be better if he were to sneak out and go back on his own.

‘No.’ Scott said with eyes fixed on Liam.

‘What?’ Stiles blinked.

‘Liam thinks if he goes back it’ll be easier on all of us.’

‘Liam!’ Kira scolded from the kitchen, holding a large bowl of pancake batter. Liam cringed slightly. It was slightly annoying that they were able to read him better now. It made things harder, especially when he tried to explain that sometimes it was better if he just broke off and took care of things. Which caused yelling and accusations of martyrdom, stubborn independence, and pure bull-headedness (from Kira).

‘It’s fine cuz he’s not going anywhere.’ Scott glanced at Liam. The look that said the idea was done and the talk was over. Liam sighed and relented.

‘So what do we do?’ Mason asked.

‘If we see the guy we make sure he stays away from Liam. At least until we figure out why he’s looking for him.’ Kira continued to mix the pancake batter. Liam wondered when the request for pancakes came up in all of the chaos that had just unfolded.

‘Good. Great. But he did have a picture.’ Stiles said.

‘A picture of Liam?’ Mason asked. Now there were bananas going in the pancakes, which Liam thought was a bold but strange move.

‘Yeah, like, pretty recent. Maybe from the church bulletin or something.’

‘Shit.’

‘No problem. Liam stays in side.’ Scott announced. Liam took his eyes off the first batch of banana pancakes Malia flipped out of the pan.

‘So like, he’s under house arrest?’ Nolan said.

‘He’s in hiding.’

‘But what about coming to shows?’

‘He can’t leave. It’s for his own good.’ Scott looked at Liam, who took a plate of pancakes from Brett who returned a thank you with a grunt. Liam took a bite and thought it was at least three times better than a normal pancake. A few more bites and he thought he didn’t like Scott’s idea of staying inside all of the time. It sucked. With the last bite Liam had an idea of his own.

‘Danny…’ Liam stood and brought his plate to the sink where the other boy was washing the utensils. Liam knew everyone was watching him even though they didn’t make any noise.

‘What’s shaking?’

‘Never say that.’ Nolan interjected.

‘You said before you cut Jackson’s hair.’ Liam ignored Nolan as Danny took his plate and plunged it into the soapy water.

‘I do…’ Danny started to wash the plate. Something clicked then and the turned to Liam with a smile.

‘Hold still.’ Danny flicked the clippers on. Liam knew it should have been easy to listen but the sound of it was so close to his ear that instinct made him squirm.

‘This is impossible.’ The older boy said and turned the hair clippers off.

‘I promise I’ll hold still this time!’ Liam turned in the chair. They’d been at it for over twenty minutes. Well, technically forty since it took ten minutes to persuade Liam to go up to the bathroom to minimize the mess (Stiles’ contribution before he took off). Then another ten to get him out of his shirt (he was too embarrassed to let them know he didn’t like to be seen without his shirt, but Nolan gave him an undershirt at least), which Scott helped with before taking off to pick up Isaac. The rest of the time was spent with Danny stopping and starting the clippers which made Liam flinch every time.

‘Alright, but this time I’m just gonna go for it, so if you do move you might lose an ear or something.’ Danny turned the clippers on again.

‘Danny don’t lie to him like that. Clippers can’t cut off your ear.’ Kira said from outside the bathroom door.

‘They do bite…’ Nolan mumbled from somewhere in the hall. The fact that they were all there, waiting to see made Liam more nervous. But they were his friends. Even if it looked bad they were supposed to tell him it looked okay. Well, maybe not Brett. Or Malia. Or Nolan. Or Kira. In fact they’d probably tease him. But that was what friends did, wasn’t it? It meant that they liked him. That he was kind of like family, because brothers and sisters teased each other all the time. And maybe tried to kill each other? So it wouldn’t be so bad at all.

‘Do it.’ He heard himself say as his hands gripped the side of the worn, wooden chair they’d carried up from the kitchen. Liam closed his eyes and counted how many times he inhaled and exhaled as Danny went to work. It was a weird experience. He wondered what Danny was doing. Liam had only given him an idea of what kinda hair he liked based on some of the people that came to Chimera shows (though Malia had gotten frustrated because none of the styles matched or aligned in any way). In the end he left it to the older boy to work his magic. After all, Jackson had great hair and Danny cut it regularly. So it was safe to assume he’d be fine.

‘Now you’re quieter than Theo.’ Danny mumbled as he turned off the clippers and started to use scissors.

‘You cut Theo’s hair?’

‘Dude, I cut everyone’s hair.’

‘Excuse me?’ Kira spoke up.

‘Well, I cut all the guy’s hair. Mostly because they’re cheap as hell.’

‘Hey,’ Brett said, ‘I just like your bedside manner.’

‘Isn’t that just for doctors?’ Mason asked. There must’ve been a famous Brett Glare following the question because Mason fell silent.

‘Does… uhhh…’ Liam tried to find the words. Danny looked at him, then back to the door. Making a quick decision, the kicked the door shut—earning a chorus of protests from the hall way.

‘Ignore them. What were you gonna say?’ Danny asked a he took a comb and untangled some of Liam’s locks.

‘I just… can you do something that Theo…’

‘You want his type of cut?’

‘No!’ Liam started to stand but Danny’s hands planted him firmly back into the chair. Liam’s heart was racing, but Danny was quiet. Waiting.

‘Can you make sure it’s something Theo would…like?’

‘Oh.’ Danny tapped the comb against his leg and looked at what he’d done so far. ‘I can do that, sure.’

‘Okay. Thank you.’

Danny continued to trim and cut for another second then paused.

‘You know what Theo would like the most?’

‘What?”

‘Something that you pick Liam. Something that is you.’

‘Oh.’

‘Don’t get me wrong, lots of people try to get Theo’s attention. Most of them get their hair done exactly the same.’

‘So I should do that?’

‘Plenty of guys and girls try that angle. Kinda works. But he gets tired of them pretty fast. I mean, he’s got to feel good a bit that people change themselves that much to be like him.’

‘I don’t wanna change myself.’ Liam frowned.

‘Liam, the purpose of this is to literally change how you look.’

‘Sure… but I’m still me. No matter what I look like. Right?’

‘Yeah. That’s true. I guess… I’m just saying, don’t change yourself just to get some dick.’ Danny hummed as he went back to trimming Liam’s long hair. Liam felt himself blush again, cheeks hotter than an oven.

‘Shit! Is that a secret?’ Danny stopped.

‘I uhh…’

‘Fuck. Liam, I’m sorry. Forget I said that. Let’s uhh, just focus on what hair cut you want. Okay?’

‘Sure. Okay.’ Liam said as he wondered how many others suspected he had a secret spot in his heart for Theo. A crush Kira would say. More than he was comfortable with, for sure. But at least Danny veered things back into Liam’s court. Gave him control over it and seemed to genuinely want to move on.

‘Thanks, Danny.’

‘No problem.’ Danny gave a cheesy wink that caused Liam to laugh.

‘Now what are you really thinking? I know you got something.’ Danny smirked.

‘What about like this longer?’ Liam gathered his hair in the middle of his head. ‘Sides short kinda.’

‘Like a mohawk?’

‘Maybe not so extreme.’

‘Mohawk junior. Got it.’

‘I dunno…’ Liam bit his lip—it was kind of extreme no matter how he looked at it.

‘How about you let me work, and you tell me when you’re comfortable.’

‘Ok. Thanks, Danny.’

‘Dude if you thank me one more time I’m gonna flip.’ The older boy chuckled as he turned the clippers back on. Liam smiled. At least he wasn’t getting yelled at for saying sorry all of the time like he used to.

One hour and a few dozen shaky conversations about looking too different to go outside later Liam stood alone in front of the mirror after a shower. Danny had worked slowly in order to make sure Liam didn’t get spooked. Usually when he got his hair cut his dad’s barber would put an inch guard on the clippers and pretty much run it all over his head. This new look was very different. The sides were very short, and the centre of his head had a strip of longer hair from his forehead to the back of his neck. Danny said if he wanted it was easy to apply hair product to get it to stand up more, but Liam thought he’d leave it flat. There was still a bit of unevenness and texture to the longer hair, so it didn’t look entirely “manufactured” as Danny put it. Still, it was so different. But looking at himself in the mirror made Liam smile, for that very same fact. He had changed so much since Mason dragged him to the first underground Chimera show. Now he dressed different, laughed more, and had real friends. The haircut felt like one step forward to who he could be.

Liam looked over his torso before putting his shirt back on (Nolan’s clothes kinda fit but he was definitely a smaller build than Liam). Maybe he could get a tattoo one day. He’d have to ask Theo how he decided on the ones he had. The thought was a bit more frightening since hair grew back but tattoos were a bit more permanent. He’d think more about it later. In the mean time he wondered if Theo would like his new look.

When he opened the door the hall was crammed full of his friends. They all stopped speaking mid sentence when he emerged. The silence stretched out for uncomfortable minutes and Liam began to feel awkward.

‘Liam…’ Mason gaped.

‘You look—‘ Corey peered over his boyfriend’s shoulder.

‘Awesome!’ Nolan exploded. The look on his face was enough to set Liam at ease, washing away most of his uncertainty and replacing it with a laugh.

‘Can I touch it?’ Kira asked. Liam nodded and suddenly there were many hands rubbing Liam’s head. It was an odd sensation, but it made him smile bigger than he had in a long time. Even Brett reached out and rubbed the shorter sides of Liam’s head before giving a nod of approval and the beginning of a smirk. The doorbell interrupted the odd bonding experience.

‘Takeout!’ Nolan scrambled down the stairs followed by Corey, then Mason. The rest of them made their way down slowly, arguing about the current state of the punk scene and how it was impossible to use the tools of capitalism to dismantle capitalism because the system inherently would never supply tools of its own demise.

‘What do you think?’ Danny stood alone with Liam in the hall, admiring his work.

‘I feel… like me.’ Liam smiled. Danny nodded.

‘What… would it be dumb to try a different color? Just a bit?’ Liam asked.

‘Dude, you’re going for it. Love it. What’re you thinking?’

‘Maybe blue? Just a bit.’

‘Sure. We can talk about it after we eat.’ Danny said. Liam nodded. He was suddenly very hungry.

As they got to the top of the stairs Danny stopped and took one last look at Liam’s hair.

‘Theo’ll think it’s killer.’

‘I’m Killer.’ Liam said. Danny chuckled.

‘Exactly.’

It was after midnight when Theo cracked the front door. Liam jerked awake on the couch in the middle of the punk pulling off his heavy boots.

‘Sorry. I—‘ Theo stopped when he noticed something was different, but the only light was from the street lamp outside. Theo discarded his remaining boot then sat next to Liam on the sofa, leaning across him to flick on the shabby lamp beside the younger boy.

‘Your hair…’ Theo’s eyes roamed. Assessing. Judging maybe. Liam squirmed in his seat. When he felt Theo’s rough fingers gently touch the side of his head his breath caught in his lungs and he went still. The punk ran his fingers through the soft, short hair on the side of Liam’s head before exploring the longer strip in the centre. Liam had gotten Kira to help put a bit of blue into it after they had another long debate over Korean take out (and Danny had to reluctantly leave to cover a shift at work). Theo’s hand continued to explore, moving down to Liam’s cheek, along his jaw bone and stopping at his chin. There were a few days of scruff Liam had meant to shave, but it was more pronounced on his chin. He stayed still, listening to Theo’s breathing as the punk’s thumb ran across the bristles on his chin.

‘I mean to shave.’ Liam blurted out. The words seemed to jostle Theo back to reality and he withdrew his hand slowly, eyes still trained on Liam.

‘I like it like this. And when you shave, too.’ Theo mumbled. Then looked away, out the window. Liam knew the expression. Theo was somewhere in his head, dwelling on something or mulling something over. Making a choice. Or maybe finding words like Liam had to before he spoke sometimes.

‘Do you… What do you think?’ Liam asked. ‘About… it. My hair, I mean. Not shaving. Because I can shave, it’s easy. I mean… yeah.’

‘Why?’ Theo was still staring off into space.

‘Because… you’re my friend. And I want to know what you think. Everyone else, they liked it. I guess.’

‘No, I mean, why did you do it?’ Theo looked at him and suddenly Liam felt the old weight that he once did when the singer focused his entire being into a string of words and dropped it on him. Like there was an answer that might be the wrong answer, but Liam wasn’t sure what it could even be.

‘Because Stiles came and said some one was looking for me. Maybe my dad hired them.’

‘That’s all?’

‘And… because I…’ Liam felt the anger lift inside of him suddenly and swirl around. Why were words so difficult? It was frustrating. But this was Theo. And Theo never hurt him, or lied to him. Theo was good and nice and made Liam feel warm. Like he could be anything, do anything.

‘I want to be who I am.’ Liam said slowly, ‘I want to be a real person. Not someone that other people made up. I want… I want to have my own thoughts. And feelings. No one… no one can tell me what to do.’

‘So if I told you I didn’t like it, you wouldn’t change it?’

‘I…’ Liam made a fist and clenched as tight as possible. It was difficult to focus. What was the truth?

‘I would… I wouldn’t change it. Until I wanted to.’ He pried the words out of his heart with all of his effort, and even though it was true, it kind of hurt at the same time because he was worried he would make Theo feel bad. But what Danny had said was more important. He needed to be who he was, for himself. And Theo was his friend, and he should respect that. Even if it made him sad.

Theo leaned back and folded his arms. He let out a long sigh.

‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dick. Had a hard day.’

‘It’s okay.’ Liam spoke on autopilot—anger slowly dissolving into mild anxiety and worry he had yelled or been aggressive. But Theo wasn’t reacting like that had happened. Instead the punk looked tired. More tired than Liam could remember.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m a fucking peach.’ Theo chuckled. His fingers drummed on the sofa cushion between them. But it wasn’t the usual tapping Liam saw Theo do. It was erratic and agitated. So Liam reached out and took Theo’s hand into both of his to let him know it was fine, everything was fine. Theo watched Liam’s action with careful curiosity. Liam felt the weighing and measuring the pink-haired singer did from time to time return.

‘Thanks.’ Casual. Toss away. Like he wasn’t interested, or couldn’t really be bothered to pay full attention. Which was a lie. Liam didn’t know how he could tell, since he had trouble figuring out what people were saying or feeling most of the time on a good day. But he knew this about Theo, and before he could think about it, his body responded instinctually. Arms wrapping around the punk beside him in an embrace.

Theo’s entire body stiffened and tried to back away but Liam was holding on tight. Tighter than he thought.

‘Dude—‘ Theo didn’t sound angry. Or he might have to someone else. But to Liam he sounded worried. Afraid.

‘It’s okay. You don’t got to tell me anything. This is it. This is all.’ Liam spoke into Theo’s shoulder. The punk resisted for a few more seconds before he gave in, body relaxing into Liam’s. Arms were enfolding Liam suddenly then, and Theo shook in a way that confused Liam until the shoulder where the punk’s head rested felt wet and Liam realized that Theo was crying.

‘I won’t tell anyone. I won’t tell.’ Liam said, ‘You don’t got to do anything.’

Liam stayed perched on the edge of the soft, knees and back cramping as Theo cried into his shoulder. Tears turned to sobs, and sobs became gentle noises. Only then did Liam lean back into the cushions with Theo. Questions raced through him faster than stars shooting through the night sky. But it wasn’t his business. Not his place. All he needed to know was Theo was hurting, and the least Liam could do was be there beside him. No facade of strength or posturing. No cool, distant leader. Just two hearts beating together at different times in the dark. Alone together.

In the morning Liam knew Theo would be gone from the sofa. Somehow the punk always managed to wake up early. Liam wouldn’t bring up what had just happened. But he would be watching Theo more carefully, incase he needed someone to sit beside him again and hold him. Even if it was just for a moment. Liam knew he could be that, could do that.

As he watched Theo sleep, Liam slowly drifted off himself. The last thing he remembered seeing was how innocent, peaceful, the punk looked when he wasn’t on guard against the world. A fierceness rose inside of Liam then—the familiar feeling of anger and rage but focused into a purpose. He wouldn’t let anyone touch Theo. Because even if the punk was strong, pretended to be invulnerable, beneath that he was hurting. Wounded. Vulnerable. And Liam knew hurt. Could endure whatever the world threw at him, as long as Theo was protected. As long as Theo was safe. Because after all, Liam was not just Liam. He was also Killer, and nothing would stop him from protecting the boy he cared about.

Chapter Text

Liam bent over the desk, working as fast as he could.

‘What’s good?’ Theo asked as he opened the door to his room and saw Liam at his desk.

‘Just doing homework.’ Liam glared at the algebra in front of him. The one time he wished he could set something on fire with his eyes and it wasn’t working.

‘Lemme see.’ Theo leaned over him to get a look at the paper, making Liam hold his breath when he realized Theo had just come from the shower and wore nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Small beads of water still clinging to his skin. Overall, Chimera was very informal about covering up nudity. There was a lot of hanging out in underwear or walking naked to and from the shared bathroom which at first made Liam think he was going to die from the amount of blushing he did. But none of them saw it as a big deal, which was a huge difference from his own upbringing. He had relaxed a bit more over the past week but was still too shy to walk around without a shirt. Even now they all made an effort to knock and make sure Liam was dressed to his comfort level when before they barged in on him.

As Theo mumbled something about the bright idea of letting letters join math equations Liam’s eyes roamed across the scars and tattoos covering the singer’s torso. He noticed on Theo’s side, wrapping around to his back was a word in a different language that he didn’t recognize.

‘You listening, Killer?’

‘Huh?’

‘Kinda spaced out on me.’ A small grin danced at the edge of Theo’s lips.

‘I was just looking. At your tattoos. I was looking at your tattoos.’ Liam resisted the urge to fully look away. He hated wilting in front of Theo.

‘Which one?’

‘There.’ Lima nodded at Theo’s side.

‘Gonna have to be more specific, Killer.’

‘Here.’ Liam lifted a finger. He brought it close to Theo’s skin, hovering just before making contact. Before he could consider if the touch was welcome or not he found himself lightly running his finger over the ink. Theo’s skin was soft and warm. The muscle beneath was strong. He felt the punk flex and Liam jerked his hand back. Theo gave a small chuckle.

‘Just messing around.’ Theo said as he craned his neck to scope out the tattoo.

‘That’s my name actually. In my language. I means… I guess, something like dark wolf chasing or black wolf chasing… something. I can’t remember the translation exactly.’ Theo frowned.

‘I like it.’ Liam blurted out.

‘You like that I can’t remember?’ Theo’s eyes twinkled.

‘No! I mean… you’re just making a joke again.’ Liam pouted. Theo smiled wide.

‘You got me.’ He winked and Liam averted his eyes as Theo found pants to pull on. He keenly recalled Theo didn’t believe in underwear.

‘Do they hurt? The tattoos. Getting one I mean. I know you said they did but…’ Liam’s eyes betrayed him and drifted to Theo’s torso as he finished dressing.

‘Sure, but nothing you’d have trouble with.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re Killer. You’d be fine.’ Theo smiled and Liam felt his heart leap forward into his ribcage like a hummingbird trying to escape.

‘You want a tattoo.’ Theo said after thinking for a moment.

‘Well no. Maybe. I dunno.’ Liam mumbled.

‘I can give you the name of a great artist. Here.’ Theo rummaged around in the pile of mess that somehow was deemed a filing system by the punk, before he pulled out a worn, stained business card that looked like it had been folded over a dozen times. He handed it to Liam who looked at the name on the front—Alpha Tats.

‘They did a lot of mine.’ Theo said. ‘Just tell them I sent you. Or if you want I could go with you.’

‘Maybe.’ Liam looked at the black ink on the card. It looked like a Rorschach test, one of those things that looked like it could be anything. To Liam it took the shape of a wolf. Kind of. Which was pretty cool. He did like wolves.

‘What are you doing today? Could head over, it’s not far.’ Theo said.

‘I’ll think about it. What are you gonna do?’ Liam folded the card and tucked it into his back pocket.

‘Just work and some stuff.’ Theo said. Which was code for don’t ask.

‘Okay.’

‘You?’

‘Just hanging around here.’ Liam nodded at the last bit of homework he was struggling with.

‘Cool.’ Theo was next to him again suddenly, hands lightly running through Liam’s hair.

‘Sorry. Couldn’t resist.’ The punk pulled his hand back.

‘It’s ok. It does feel weird.’ Liam tried to will the beginning of his blush away unsuccessfully. Theo’s fingertips lingered a moment longer, brushing the soft, short hair on the side of Liam’s head and grazing the tip of his ear.

‘It feels nice.’ Theo smiled. ‘And it looks badass.’

Liam smiled. He watched Theo grab his hard shell. The punk gave a wink before heading out and closing the door behind him. Liam sighed and tried to focus on the paper in front of him again, but gave up after ten minutes. He’d met his algebra quota for the day anyway.

Home coming. Prom. Words that Liam dreaded, because they both meant the same thing—dancing. Which was why when Nolan brought up the more on-the-nose word Liam struggled to choke down the reaction.

‘The dance is this weekend.’ A simple statement, but for everyone in the room it carried a lot more meaning and weight. The dance meant a crowd of angry church-goers, parents, and probably people with signs that opposed the event. Or the people that were at it, mainly the queer ones. Which was all of them. On top that, Liam knew that his dad was going to be there and there was no way to avoid him.

‘What do we do?’ Corey asked from his spot next to Mason on the couch. Liam was sure that they were literally joined at the hip since he hadn’t seen either of them move since they first sat down hours ago.

‘We dance. Together.’ Malia waved him off.

‘You and Kira are still going as a couple?’

‘Why, you thinking of asking her?’ She glared at Mason. Liam noticed Malia’s glaring only had one setting—Intense Threat of Murder. Which was currently directed at his best friend.

‘I don’t think Corey would like that.’ Liam rubbed his palms on his knees, very aware of the rips and tears along the surface of the denim.

Malia rolled her eyes and Mason exhaled. It was never comfortable under Malia’s scrutiny. Or frown. Or smile for that matter. After all, Theo had nicknamed her Shark tank for a reason. It made Liam glad that she was on their side.

‘Kira is still planning to do a thing.’ Mason leaned towards Liam.

‘A thing?’

‘You know… a thing. That Kira plans. And does sometimes.’ Mason tilted his head.

‘There’s no thing.’ Nolan waved Mason off.

‘There is totally a thing.’ Mason shot back.

‘What does that actually mean though?’ Liam asked again.

‘He means she’s gonna fuck some shit up.’ Brett offered.

‘Oh.’ Liam blinked. ‘So there’ll be no dancing then.’

Nolan and Brett spoke at the same time:

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

The tall punk peered down at the boy sitting by his feet on the carpet. Nolan leaned back and looked up. Liam knew that Nolan was putting on his best puppy dog eyes. Normally they were used to gain a few fries (or a dozen) from someone’s plate but in this case Liam watched as Brett’s scowl slowly softened until he sighed, burying his hand in Nolan’s increasingly unruly mane of hair.

‘Fine. There’ll be some dancing. But not a lot.’ Brett huffed and Liam marvelled at Nolan’s power to melt the acerbic punk’s anti-dancing stance without a single word or gesture.

‘Are you guys boyfriends?’ Liam blurted out before he could silence his curious brain. A split second later he was aware of the focus of the entire room shifting. Not to him, but to the pair in question. Liam had noticed Brett and Nolan getting closer and closer, and in retrospect there had been obvious signs (at least to other people) that there was an attraction between them. The more Liam thought back the clearer he saw, with Nolan being mad after Brett had kissed him. And how they acted after. And how they were always all over each other (well, Nolan was in Brett’s lap at least, or cuddled up to him). It was an honest question at least, and judging from the reaction of everyone else in the room it seemed they all shared the same curiosity.

‘We’re… uhh…’ Nolan leaned back into Brett’s legs.

‘He’s fucking’ mine and if you touch him I’ll break your goddamn fingers.’ Brett muttered.

‘Okay. Good to know.’ Danny nodded to himself.

‘Loud and clear.’ Scott said from his spot wedged in an armchair beside Isaac. Who kept his eyes fixed on Brett for a long time, as if he might object.

‘Bout fucking time.’ Isaac relented. Brett grunted and looked over at Liam.

‘Cool.’ Liam managed after a second. Brett had been slightly less of an asshole lately, but now and again his temper would flare up, especially when Liam was talking with Nolan. Often the taller boy would wedge himself in between them physically or use his trademark snark to drive Liam off. Which was maybe sort of sweet, in a way only Brett could be. Liam wished he knew how to tell Brett that Nolan was his good friend and he wasn’t meaning to intrude on their time together but he just wanted to hear Nolan’s jokes and spend time with him. But maybe it was just because they were only recently boyfriends, from what Liam was hearing at least.

‘QUEERS, TO ME!’ The room jumped as the door swung open and Kira stood with the sun behind her—arms full of poster board, markers, and craft supplies. Liam felt guilty about not being a spy for the GSA anymore, but he was also glad he didn’t have to deal with any of the situation now. Except for whatever Kira was going to get them to do in twenty seconds.

‘Uh… hi, Kira.’ Mason gave a tiny wave. Kira kicked the door shut and stalked into the room before dumping her armload of supplied in the middle of the floor.

‘What’s all this?’ Nolan peered at the markers.

‘It’s for the thing.’ Kira said.

‘Told you there was a thing.’ Mason looked at Nolan.

‘Why does everyone keep saying thing, like it’s a thing?’ Corey frowned.

‘Because it IS a thing.’ Kira paced around the room.

‘Uh-oh. She’s winding up.’ Mason mumbled.

‘I don’t know what’s going on exactly but I’m a little bit scared.’ Isaac wiggled in closer to Scott.

‘Just do whatever Kira says and don’t make sudden gestures with your arms.’ Scott whispered. ‘She can startle easy when she’s doing a thing. And she kicks. Hard.’

‘I swear to god if one more person says thing I’m gonna flip out.’ Danny yelled from the kitchen.

‘Good thing he’s not doing the thing with us then.’ Nolan smirked. Two seconds later Brett caught a plastic colander before it whacked Nolan in the head.

Theo had been gone most of the day, off doing whatever secret things pink-haired punks do, leaving Liam alone in the living room when everyone else took off to work and school (after Kira had spoken non-stop about her thing, which Liam called a plan, and forced them to decorate signs and make tiny, spiky rainbow flags). At first Liam just paced around. Then he spent some time looking in the mirror at his hair, remembering Theo’s fingers brushing it gently. Carefully. The look on his face. The exhaustion that seeped from the older boy when Liam held him. The feeling of Theo’s hot breath on the skin of his neck. How big his arms were. How strong his chest felt.

Liam paused suddenly. His mind was turning to places that were very much tempting to lock himself in the bathroom and do what his dad called “sinning with himself”, which sounded as stupid as it did embarrassing. But still, there was no reason he couldn’t. In fact it was probably worse not to. But if he thought about Theo when he was doing that it was kind of embarrassing. To himself. Some how. Or maybe that was a false feeling too and had nothing to do with what he actually thought himself. Maybe if he thought about it deeper he could calm down some and figure out what he was feeling exactly. To name the thing inside of him that he was scared to face directly.

Liam sat down. Theo was confusing, but Liam needed to figure out exactly what was going on when he was with the other boy. Besides sin. Besides guilt, or whatever else other people had put in his head to think. When Liam closed his eyes he could picture Theo’s lips moving—first in the snarl of a song, then softly in a whisper. Speaking only to him. The angle of his jaw, tilt of his neck. The tattoos covering his skin. The smell of sweat and leather from his old jacket. The way Theo's muscles moved when he did literally anything. In the quarry deep in the woods. Green eyes searching. Long fingers with black nails tangling into rough-shorn hair. Hot, heavy palm pressed to the side of Liam’s neck that night, when he was sure Theo might kiss him, was going to kiss him. But didn’t. It would have brought a name to the sinking eagerness inside of him—the slick shadows that longed to lit to leaping flame, yet remained untouched. Weighing Liam down.

‘This isn’t helping.’ Liam stood suddenly and grabbed his guitar. Theo had made space for Liam to crash in his room, and Liam did when the punk wasn’t there, but when Theo came back from work or a gig (or wherever he want), Liam moved to the couch (to Brett’s annoyance). Which right now was a good thing because he could at least distract himself with some music.

Liam winced as he pressed his fingers down on the strings of the guitar. He’d been practicing every day—building on the chords and songs he knew already (which were mostly songs he sang to the kids at church, but a few were from his mom when she was around a long time ago). He’d managed to work out a few more chords and parts of songs, but nothing like the vibrant, chaotic music Chimera played. In fact when Brett heard him practicing he peeked his head in and called it “sad core” which Liam assumed was not a compliment since it came from Brett and everyone knew that Brett hated him.

Even with the barbs from the taller boy Liam kept practicing everyday. There wasn’t much else to do, even with his new look the gang was overly protective about letting him outside (the worst was when Stiles was watching him, because he was super strict, but also because Theo often made himself scarce when the lanky paranoid bundle of nerves descended on their house). Scott was a bit more relaxed at least, and Mason brought Liam his homework and notes from class so at least he wasn’t falling behind. In truth most of the homework was hard, and he struggled to wrap his head around it, but between Kira, Danny, and surprisingly Nolan, Liam got more tutoring than he could handle (though Kira had a bad habit of going off on tangents and ranting, and Nolan was impossible to focus if there was any sort of food around).

As Liam plucked the strings he thought about what Kira had said when he’d accidentally blurted out his secret at the mall. That she was there to talk whenever he needed to. He remembered what Mr. Hale, Derek, had told him (maybe not in so many words since Mr. Hale seemed bigger on non-verbal cues much to Liam’s annoyance) about him liking Theo and how it was okay. How Scott said that they could talk any time. How he’d completely and utterly embarrassed himself how the older boy found out. Which turned his mind back to Theo and his stupid muscles.

Liam made a frustrated noise and set the guitar aside. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, flexing his hands open and closed over and over. He had told Kira that he didn’t think he was gay. But what if that’s what all this was? What if he didn’t just like Theo, but he liked boys in general. After all, Theo was a boy… person. Man. Was Theo a man? Was he? Liam shook his head—off tangent. He thought about his friends, he liked them all. He thought about Theo—he definitely felt something different when he thought about the pink-haired singer. In fact, Liam felt a bit of a similar feeling when he thought of Brett (but also annoyance and anxiety), and maybe a little bit towards Nolan (maybe Brett was right to be snarl-y). But not Mason or Corey. Or Scott. Though Scott inspired something else inside of him it wasn’t a hot feeling like with Theo. Maybe Liam did like boys after all. But not all boys. If you were gay did you have to like all boys? Liam wasn’t sure. But he definitely liked Theo. Scott had even pointed it out. Turning his mind to the past Liam did recall a few summers ago the boy he’d watched at the swimming pool after church every day. Similar feeling but not as intense. The boy he’d helped out after choir practice when he was thirteen that always made him feel… something. And that was similar too.

‘Shit.’ Swearing was definitely okay in this situation. But it was fine. Maybe he was bisexual. Or pan…something that Scott was. So he thought about all of his friends that were not boys. And smiled. And felt nice. But no sparks of heat or wonder or urgent, magnetic eagerness he felt like when Theo was around. He thought about Hayden—beautiful and kind. A good friend. Kind of like what Liam imagined having a sister would feel like. After several long minutes racking his brain and looking as hard as he could he came to the conclusion that no, he was not bisexual. Or anything else that didn’t involve boys.

Liam covered his face with his hands and collapsed backwards into the couch. This was bad. It wasn’t that he was just lying to his friends about liking a boy. It was a bigger lie than that. In fact, it was a lie so big that he’d even managed to tell it to himself somehow. But what did it mean, what should he do with it? Talk to Kira or Scott. Talk to Mr. Hale. That seemed smart, but it also felt incredibly frightening. No way could he tell his dad. No way his dad could know, especially if he could somehow use it to hurt Theo. Liam would never, ever let that happen. Another option was he could swallow it down, like some bitter taste and let it grow heavy and dark inside of him where it was contained, where it couldn’t hurt anyone ever. Himself included. But then a quick flash of memory came.

‘I don’t want to be that way.’ Liam said.

‘Did you want blue eyes? Or to be right handed?’

Scott’s voice had been gentle. Careful. Like he was holding a baby bird in the palms of his hands—supporting something fragile but also lending it strength. Panic overwhelmed him then, taking the place of anger and frustration. For a moment Liam considered praying, like he would normally. Calling out and up for help. Except it had never worked before. No one ever helped him when he closed his eyes and bowed his head. No one heard him. But when his friends saw him, when Theo was there—they helped him, even if he didn’t ask. They could see parts of himself he couldn’t face.

Liam let his hands fall to his side. He didn’t need to pray to find help. Help was all around him. It had been since Mason, since Chimera. Since Scott drove him home that first night sneaking out, which seemed so long ago now. And Liam might need some help now because of the thing he was.

‘Gay. I’m gay. I am gay. I like… boys.’ Liam mumbled.

I like Theo. The part he couldn’t say out loud, at least not yet.

‘I’m gay, and I’m fucking stupid. I’m dumb. I’m so dumb. I’m—‘ Liam’s words caught in his throat. Something Theo had said, not to make himself small. Not to make himself less than.

Liam took a deep breath, then released the knots formed by the fists he was clenching. Letting tension drain and ebb away. He closed his eyes and kept breathing slowly until there was less noise in his head, and he felt strangely better but kind of empty at the same time.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ Liam jumped when he opened his eyes to find a sleepy looking Brett standing in front of him dressed only in boxers. The tall punk’s eyes were barely open and his hand was idly scratching his chest.

‘I am…ummm… meditating.’ Liam managed. Did Brett hear anything he just said? It didn’t seem like it. But people didn’t alway tell the truth when they heard him talking to himself. Sometimes they would tell his parents. Not like Brett was going off to tell his parents though. And it didn’t look like Brett was paying attention to anything—he was too bleary-eyed to even see Liam clearly at the moment.

‘Whatever.’ The punk mumbled and wandered off the the kitchen. As Brett rummaged for cereal Liam heard the shower turn on.

‘I thought everyone left.’ Liam said as Brett took a bite of cornflakes and made a face.

‘Nolan. Showering.’ The only words Liam got before Brett returned to the cupboards looking for sugar.

Liam frowned. He definitely should have made sure that the place was empty before having a nervous break down again. Plus Nolan had been around earlier. Brett, too. Which meant Brett skipped on his shift at work and Nolan skipped school. Just to… well Liam wasn’t sure. Except Nolan was showering. Which meant he got dirty. But there was no way to get dirty when you were just sleeping in bed…

Liam felt his cheeks flush. His eyes darted up to Brett’s lanky physique then away from the oblivious punk. They were doing it the whole time Liam was sitting there freaking out probably. He shouldn’t think about what his friends were doing together since it wasn’t his business… but maybe Brett could give him some answers. Except Brett hated him. Maybe. He wasn’t entirely sure yet. Liam sighed and looked up to Brett again but he’d moved closer, and Liam’s eyes landed directly on the boy’s crotch.

Liam knew he’d made a noise of sudden distress. He hoped it didn’t sound as awful as he imagined, but his mind took too long to register the exact noise since all the blood went directly to his face in an attempt to let the world know he was a red night light.

‘What?’ Brett mumbled with his mouth full of food.

‘Nothing.’

‘Didn’t look like nothing.’ Brett shot back as he sank into the armchair.

Liam bit his lip. He was not going to imagine what Brett and Nolan did in private. At all. For sure. But he did wonder what two boys did. He did have an idea. He had lots of ideas. They usually involved Theo. Well, they all involved Theo if he was being honest with himself finally. He’d touched on those ideas once or twice but had mostly steered clear because it was… wrong. Or seemed wrong. But wasn’t wrong, he knew that. But still felt like it was. Which was confusing. And when he’d tried to talk to Mr. Hale about it he told him to ask Scott some questions. But he couldn’t do that. But he was not about to ask Brett about it, so maybe Scott was his best option. Or Kira. Except Scott seemed like he might have more insight. Possibly. Liam was unsure. But Brett… maybe he could help in a way.

‘You got a problem spit it out.’ Brett sneered at him.

‘Why did you kiss me?’ Liam blurted out right on the tail end of Brett’s provocation. The other boy looked very awake suddenly, head whipping towards the hall way where the sounds of the shower were accompanied by Nolan’s off-key singing. Which was odd because Nolan knew Brett had kissed him. Every one did. It was very public. But he never explained why.

‘That was just stupid shit, forget it.’

‘No.’ Liam focused his eyes on Brett, who tapped his spoon against the side of his bowl then set it on the coffee table.

‘Maybe I just felt like it.’

‘You hate me though, don’t you?’

‘What? No.’ Brett frowned.

‘Oh.’

‘You think I hate you?’

‘You act like you do.’

‘That’s because you fucking piss me off.’ Brett said, then mumbled the rest, ‘Or you used to anyway.’

‘So that’s why you kissed me?’

‘No.’ Brett’s tone of voice was practically calling him an idiot.

‘I don’t understand.’ Liam said. Brett huffed and rolled his eyes. Another glance down the hall. Shower still running.

‘I wanted to piss Theo off. Okay? And maybe I wanted to fuck with your head a bit.’

‘My head?’ Liam could get the part about Theo but if Brett didn’t hate him then why did he want to mess with Liam’s head?

‘Cuz you’re so deep in the closet you’re finding christmas presents.’ Brett resumed shovelling cereal in his mouth.

‘I’m what?’

‘Never mind.’ Brett finished eating then made is way to the kitchen. He stopped half way and turned around to face Liam.

‘You have a shitty memory, you know that?’ And with that Brett tossed the bowl in the sink then went down the hall. Liam heard the bathroom door open and Nolan give a squeak of surprise. This time, however, Liam’s mind was too preoccupied with that Brett said to turn to embarrassing thoughts and possibilities. It was impossible to untangle what the tall punk said. Maybe it didn’t mean anything, anyway. Brett did like to screw with the minds of everyone around him.

Liam shoved his hands in his pockets, surprised when he found a scrap of paper. He pulled it out and looked at the card Theo had given him earlier. If Theo went there they must be friendly to punks and underground types of people. Queer people. Like Liam. Because he was gay. And that was okay. Probably. It was a part of him, and had been since… well, he didn’t know.

No one told him how to pick a tattoo though. But Theo seemed to think he was able to do it, and that he would be able to take the pain. Endure it. Liam liked the way Theo looked with all of his tattoos. More than that, they seemed to make him at ease in his own skin, like it fit better. Like they showed who he was. Maybe that would help Liam, but only if he followed Danny’s advice and found the right thing that said who he was, not doing it for any one else. He would have to sit and think about what tattoo would mean something to him. What tattoo made sense. Told the world who he was without shame. Theo’s tattoos were many and varied, but each one was rooted in the specifics of identity and memory. It would take time.

Liam tapped his foot. Time. He was always so slow. Slow to figure people out, slow to understand the world around him. Something inside twisted then and reared up, bearing fangs in his heart. Liam stood up and grabbed his coat before heading to the door. Maybe he wasn’t so slow after all.

Liam barely caught sight of the small red door set in cement. A little wooden sign was bolted above. He opened the door, taking in the sound of an old fashioned bell ringing. Loud punk music rolled out from deeper in the building. Inside was hazy, like someone was smoking, but the scent reminded him of incense. Kind of similar to stuff Theo had in his room. The counter at the front was glass covered in a mess of art and sketches, photos of tattoos presumably done by the parlour.

‘Hello?’ Liam called into the back, but he wasn’t sure if the music was too loud for anyone to hear him. There were pictures on the wall that reminded him kind of mug shots from cop shows. The oldest was black and white and below it read “Alan Deaton, owner”. The ones beside were more youthful and newer, one was “Vernon Boyd” and the second “Erica Reyes”. Both seemed familiar somehow.

The last two were missing but Liam could see where frames once were—“Cora Hale”… Liam wondered if she was related to Mr. Hale at school, but they seemed to be a large family so maybe a cousin or something. Impossible to tell without a picture to see. The last faded spot on the wall had a tag under it that was messed up like someone had scribbled on it or hit it several times, but the name was unmistakable—Theo Raeken.

‘We’re closed.’ Liam turned to see a blonde woman leaning against the doorway to the back. Her arms were covered in tattoos that resembled a forest—trees and flowers and grass. When Liam looked closer he saw vicious-looking animals peeking out all over the place. Carefully placed and hidden within the existing tattoos.

‘Sorry there wasn’t a sign.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Well now you know we’re closed. Fuck off.’ She snarled.

‘Erica, who is it?’ A voice called from the back.

‘Some prick.’

‘What’s the prick’s name?’

‘Liam. Dunbar.’ He offered. Slowly he remembered being introduced to both Erica and Boyd at a Banshee show. They hadn’t talked at all really, but Liam remembered her face. She seemed a lot more friendly then, but she had been talking to Scott mainly.

‘It’s Leem Dumbar.’ She shouted back and shot Liam a mean, teasing grin that sort of reminded him of Malia.

‘I’m uhh… Theo’s friend.’ Liam whispered. He didn’t know if Erica remembered him or not but the shift of attitude was instant. Erica straightened and looked like she was going to claw Liam’s eyes out. The muscles in her neck strained and she took a step forward. Liam suddenly felt like he was inside of her tattoo—now the prey of a deadly animal lurking in the shadows. Before she could close the distance a firm hand stopped her.

‘Erica, what did we talk about?’ The man said. Liam recognized him as Deaton from the pictures on the wall.

‘We’re not supposed to hit clients.’

‘People, Erica. We’re not supposed to hit people. Clients or not.’

‘Whatever.’ She yanked her arm free and disappeared into the back.

‘Leem, you say?’ Deaton turned towards him.

‘Liam.’ He corrected. The man in front of him was imposing, but serene at the same time. Brown eyes studied Liam carefully, and Liam took in the fact that Alan Deaton had no tattoos that he could see, which was maybe odd for a tattoo parlour owner.

‘You said you were Theo’s friend. Boyfriend?’ Deaton tilted his head, some how an echo of Scott. Or Scott’s an echo of this man in front of him.

‘Just a friend.’

‘Theo doesn’t have many of those. In fact I think including you he may only have three.’

‘Unless you’re counting fuck toys, then you’d need more fingers and toes than are in this building.’ Erica yelled from the back.

‘Not often Theo sends someone here.’ Deaton finished studying Liam. ‘We don’t work on just anyone.’

‘I want a tattoo.’ Liam said.

‘And what if I told you to leave? That we aren’t taking on new clients.’ Deaton asked. Liam straightened his back. A shot of anger shoot his spine and he fixed his eyes on Deaton.

‘I’m here right now. There’s on one else. You can take me as a client.’ Liam said. Deaton made an expression Liam couldn’t read. Just as he thought he’d said the wrong thing Deaton smiled.

‘I think we can work with you.’

Liam relaxed.

‘I’m not doing him!’ Erica called from the back.

‘He’s not for you. I’ll work on him.’ Deaton said.

‘You haven’t tattooed someone since…’ Erica poked her head out from behind the doorway. ‘Fuck you Leem.’

Liam frowned and flipped her off without thinking. A huge part of him did a belly flop inside at the rudeness of his action, but the burning hot part thought it was just the right thing to do. Erica snorted and disappeared again.

Deaton led him into the back. There were four chairs set up at different stations along the wall. They walked past those, and Erica working to sterilize her equipment, all the way to a second room tucked behind a wooden door. Deaton left it open and gestured for Liam to take a seat as he began to roll up his sleeves.

‘Do you have something in mind?’ Deaton asked.

‘Kind of.’ Liam bit his lip. Maybe he was rushing into this. But then again it also felt like he’d passed some huge, unspoken test. It also felt like Deaton didn’t often take clients so Liam wanted to take advantage of that.

‘Tell me about it. Actually, let’s do something different. Let’s talk about you, Liam. And I’ll draw until I find something I think fits you, then you can tell me if it makes sense. Sound good?’

‘Yeah.’ Liam nodded. He relaxed into the chair. Somehow it was soothing to speak to Deaton, even if his presence came across as intense to being with. The man grabbed a pad of paper and a pencil. After a few minutes of drawing the looked up.

‘Alright, let’s begin. Tell me who you really are, Liam Dunbar, and the image will come.’

Chapter Text

It was bigger than he thought would be. But at the same time it seemed smaller somehow. Liam looked at the tattoo emblazoned on his chest, almost over his heart. He’d spoken with Deaton for nearly two hours before the man even picked up a pencil. He just sat and listened. At first it had been awkward, but the more Liam talked the easier it became to share parts of his life with a stranger. Near stranger. Deaton knew Theo, had employed him it looked like. So they had that in common at least.

For the most part the tattoo artist sat and listened, but now and again he would prompt Liam with a question or a comment that would jolt Liam out of talking in a spiral, or babbling on about random things he thought. All in all, most of what they talked about had to deal with the church and his new group of friends. Family. Pack of punks. Which made sense now that Liam looked at the tattoo.

Mostly black lines, with some touches of red, it hadn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. But it still hurt. The sensation was unlike anything he’d encountered—a hundred buzzing bees singing as they poked stingers into his skin. The few times Erica had poked her head in Deaton stopped immediately, levelled a heavy gaze at her and waited until she left.

Now Liam stood in the bathroom at Theo’s place, bandage peeled back on his chest, staring at the new addition to his body. He looked the same mostly, especially when his shirt was on. But he felt different. Totally different. Still Liam, but more… Liam maybe. More himself.

A loud bang on the door startled him and Liam worked to reapply his bandage without touching the slightly raised skin that was still raw from the needle.

‘Finish jerking off and get out. Some of us need to get ready for work.’ Brett sounded annoyed as usual. Liam pulled his shirt on and opened the door. Brett stood in his boxers, hair a mess and sleep crowding his eyes. As he took Liam in he seemed to shift slightly. Maybe he was less taller now. Or that’s how it seemed.

‘Bout time.’ The punk mumbled and he brushed past Liam and slammed the door. Liam lingered in the hall for a moment, a smile growing on his face for reasons he didn’t understand fully. But he was smiling and it felt good, felt right. It seemed pointless to question so he kept smiling and went downstairs. Whenever he saw Brett lately the punk was always sleepy. Or showering. Nolan must be keeping him up late, and maybe getting him dirty? Liam stifled a snort at the implications. He could feel his cheeks burn still, but he didn’t want to shrink and disappear from embarrassment at least.

Maybe that’s the power of having a tattoo.

Nolan was rummaging around in the cupboards looking for food when Liam saw him.

‘Good morning.’ He was still smiling, which explained the puzzled look on Nolan’s face. But it was only there for a split second before it was replaced with a flash of Nolan’s own smile.

‘What’s good?’ Nolan asked and Liam shrugged. He reached past his friend and opened the freezer, moving three bags of frozen peas before digging out the waffles. Liam turned when Nolan sputtered and huffed.

‘What’re those? Why are they under all that green shit? Are they hiding food from me?!’ Nolan’s scowl made Liam smile wider.

‘I didn’t say anything…’ Liam pointed out the places Danny hid the pop tarts and the chocolate bars before popping frozen waffles in the toaster. Nolan was lost to the world then, gathering up a feast in his arms to bring back to his room. Brett’s room. Well, their room.

‘Fanks Eeam.’ Nolan managed through a mouthful of wild berry frosted pop tart before disappearing up the stairs. Liam waited for his waffles and then sat down on the couch to eat.

Now that he was gay the whole world seemed different somehow. Or now that he could admit he was gay. To himself. And maybe a handful of people. Did he have to come out? That seemed to be a thing. How were you supposed to come out exactly anyway? Maybe it was like a party. Though Mason hadn’t held a party, or maybe he did but Liam didn’t get an invitation. Kira did hold a party, though it was more that her birthday party and her coming out collided and then went supernova, at least according to Malia. Maybe it didn’t need to be that big. And chaotic. And messy. Quiet was nice. Quiet was good. He would come out as a gay, quietly. Yes, that was a good plan.

‘Where’d you get waffles?’ Mason tossed his book bag on the floor as Corey took his sneakers off.

‘Freezer.’ Liam said as the two boys went to the fridge and immediately began to raid it for after school snacks.

‘Nolan got most of it.’ Liam said when their search turned up a single pudding cup and some stale pretzels.

‘Of course.’ Corey collapsed onto the soft and started to eat the pretzels despite a slightly worried look from his boyfriend.
‘If Nolan misses any more school he’s gonna flunk out.’ Mason said.

‘I’m missing more school than him.’

‘Sure but we bring you all your homework while you’re “sick” and recovering. And you actually do it. Nolan is like a feral cat.’

‘Horny as one anyway.’ Corey mumbled. Mason threw a pillow and hit Corey in the face. Liam watched the silent communication unfold—Corey’s face and body moving in a way to say “what’s wrong with you”, Mason’s gentle nod toward Liam indicating Corey stepped over a line they probably agreed not to bring up in private. Corey rolling his eyes and doubling down on his pretzels (which Liam imagined tasted like saw dust. Mostly because he assumed they were the same pretzels he actually tried to eat three weeks prior and they tasted like old trees).

‘Jeez, I get it.’ Liam crossed his arms, ‘Nolan and Brett mess around. They’re boyfriends. It would be weird if they didn’t. You don’t have to protect me. I’m not some innocent…dame. Sell. Damsel.’

Danny stumbled in with Jackson in tow—the acerbic punk heading straight upstairs with only a quick middle finger as a hello. Danny settled into the rickety armchair, glued to his phone and texting like mad.

‘No, you’re not.’ Corey said to Liam but was looking at Mason. Liam had the feeling that Corey had won the point of the once-private discussion that they’d had about his sensitivity to sex things. Or whatever.

‘Sorry.’ Mason said to Liam as he got another exasperated “I told you so” look from his boyfriend. ‘I just… I know things are hard so I didn’t want to over expose you to all that… stuff.’

Liam frowned. Was it a lie to not come out right now? Was he a bad friend if he didn’t say anything? Danny and Kira had pretty much told him who he was belonged to him and it was his choice to share that with people. Plus, he was kinda annoyed at Mason who was treating him like he was made of glass. And maybe he was, at some point in the past. Or maybe that’s just what he felt like, but that wasn’t who he was now. Mostly. At least partly. Still, Mason didn’t know that exactly, and he was just trying to keep Liam safe. Or at least innocent. As if he didn’t think about Theo all last night while he… dwelled on the punk’s different features.

‘It’s fine just… don’t go out of your way or whatever. ‘Liam mumbled, then noticed Corey looking at him.

‘What?’

‘You. You’re different.’

‘Me?’

‘Yeah.’ Corey leaned in closer to inspect Liam. Liam knew no one could see the tattoo on his chest, under his shirt. Covered by a bandage. But it felt like he was being scrutinized. Suddenly Corey’s eyes lit up.

‘You didn’t shave!’

‘Yes I did.’ Liam touched the sides of his head he was sure to keep closely shorn.

‘No, here.’ Corey’s fingers touched the edge of his own jaw. Liam felt it himself—it was true there was some stubble there. He had been so caught up with looking at the tattoo he’d never finished shaving like he’d meant to when he went in the bathroom. He’d never even started actually.

‘I’ll do it when Brett’s out of the shower.’

‘And there!’ Corey pointed to the top of Liam’s chest, poking out of his shirt collar.

‘Huh?’ Liam frowned. Did Corey have some kind of power to see hidden things?

‘Right here.’ Corey darted forward. His finger pressed into the muscle just beneath Liam’s collar bone. ‘You shaved your chest.’

‘Oh. Yeah.’ When Deaton had done the tattoo he’d opted to get half his chest shaved, and then did the rest that night when he get home so he didn’t have one odd patch of hair shaved. But he didn’t think that anyone would actually notice. It was just his chest.

‘Sorry.’ Liam mumbled, not really knowing what he was apologizing for. Or why.

‘It’s cool. You look hot both ways.’ Corey munched another pretzel.

‘Corey!’ Mason hissed.

‘What? He said we didn’t need to censor ourselves.’

‘Yeah but you did just say you thought his best friend was hot.’ Danny offered without looking up from his screen.

‘So? Isn’t he?’ Corey asked. Mason continued to glare. Liam blinked. This was new.

‘Come on, Mase you’re not blind. Liam’s jacked. The blue eyes. The ass. Plus there’s the whole befuddled puppy thing going on.’ Corey reached for more pretzels only to find the bag empty.

‘Time of death, five forty-six.’ Danny muttered.

Mason crossed his arms. He spoke to Liam without taking his eyes off of Corey.

‘Liam, you’re one handsome dude. I agree. But if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to perform a vivisection on my boyfriend now to see if he’s stupid or if he’s actually missing a brain.’

‘Shit.’ Corey managed before bolting, Mason hot on his heels. They disappeared out the front door, Mason yelling for a few seconds before turning around to grab his boyfriend’s shoes.

‘See you tonight.’ He said just before the door slammed shut.

‘Tonight?’ Liam sat up suddenly. ‘It’s not tonight is it? The dance? The thing?’

‘Cool your jets, Liam. We’re just meeting up for some chilli fries tonight. To go over “the thing”.’ Danny made quotes with one hand, still not looking up.

‘Is Ethan sending you sexts or something?’ Liam blurted out. Danny’s phone made one last ding before the dark-haired boy looked up slowly. At first Liam thought he was angry, but when he saw the slow smirk spread across Danny’s face he knew it was okay.

‘Liam coming out with the barbs and jabs! Didn’t know you had it in you. We gotta work on it a bit though… “sending sexts” isn’t exactly a-grade material. I would have accepted “dick pics”, “cock shots”, or even “pics of his dong” because it sounds even more hilarious, but still gets burn points.’

Liam blinked, mind flashing with the fact that not only was Ethan likely doing exactly what Danny just described, but now he was wondering what Ethan looked like naked. Specifically the dong part. Which was a word Liam vowed to himself never to use. Ever. At all. On pain of death.

‘Where’s Theo by the way?’ Danny asked.

‘Why would I know that. About him. Where he is I mean.’ Liam bumbled through each string of words as he thought about Theo and how the corners of his lips would turn just slightly to show he was amused. Or the shock of pink hair slicked back like a waterfall that said “fuck you” to everyone he passed. So those feelings were still there, whatever they were.

‘Because he was helping you study for that bio test, wasn’t he?’ Liam didn’t like the scrutiny in Danny’s voice. As if he knew something.

‘No actually he had a thing so he went to that instead.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Lotta “things” going on these days.’ Danny folded his legs and set his phone aside. It vibrated once, twice, as the punk stared Liam down.

‘Sure.’ Liam glanced at Danny’s phone resting on the arm chair. ‘Aren’t you gonna look at those… uhh… penis pics?’

‘Okay, I know you’re trying but that one was way too… clinical. But I’m actually more interested in what’s going on with you.’

‘With me?’

‘And Theo.’

‘Theo.’

‘Yes, Theo.’ Danny repeated.

‘Well, we’re friends. That’s what is going on. Yeah.’ Liam nodded to himself.

‘Liam… why am I getting the impression that beneath that so-called “befuddled puppy” thing you have going on you’re really more of a hungry wolf.’

Liam blinked. Lying was bad. And he was awful at it. And he didn’t fully know what Danny meant. So he exhaled. Then stood up and didn’t think when he walked over to Danny and patted his friend on the shoulder before heading to the door.

Liam wasn’t supposed to be outside. But he’d been hiding for weeks now—if he didn’t get out he was going to go crazy. Plus he needed a bit of room to think. He didn’t even realize when his hand rested on his chest. There was something inside that had broken loose. He didn’t know what it was, but it was closer to the surface now, beneath all the anger and the sharp feelings he kept in check. Liam wasn’t sure how to get to it though, without letting everything else out into the open. Something he’d struggled most of the life to keep in check. Something without a name.

As he made his way down the side streets Liam realized he’d never been deep into this part of town before. It was far from where he grew up, far from the church and the perfectly painted homes and pristine lawns. The homes around him were older—wood and stone and graffiti. There were layers of history built up over time, nothing like the pristine, rigid community he had tried so hard to fit into.

‘Hey!’ Liam turned as three people made their way towards him. He vaguely recognized them from some of Chimera’s shows—hard core punks that didn’t welcome newbie or outsiders. The leader was tall with a stripped shirt ripped off at the sleeves. The one on the right wore more earrings than Liam thought possible to fit in someone’s ears. The last of the group brought up the back—a curtain of dark blue hair rising his face.

‘Hi.’ Liam mumbled. The leader frowned.

‘The fuck you hanging around here for, asshole?’

‘I’m just… walking.’ Liam frowned. They didn’t own the street or the sidewalk.

‘Yeah well, walk somewhere else. Theo’s boy toys aren’t welcome around here.’

‘I’m not… that.’ Liam’s breath was hot. He clenched his jaw.

‘What the fuck ever man. I see how he eye-fucks you.’ The second kid chimed in. ‘Fucking sick how he lets any cute piece of ass in as a groupie.’

‘Look at this dude, you wouldn’t fuck that?’ The third chimed in.

‘Fuck you, you know I’m not into dudes.’ The leader shot back.

‘Not what you said last week.’

‘Fucking dog.’

The three burst out laughing. Liam moved to step around them when the leader moved forward and got in his face.

‘We see you around here again you’re fucking minced meat, got it?’
Liam moved fast, pushing his hands up inside the punk’s grip and breaking it. He opened his eyes, lips pulled back in a snarl. Words didn’t come. Nothing came. Everything inside hit a barrier and hovered, just beyond Liam’s reach. It was enough of a warning for the others though, and they pulled their leader backwards.

‘What the fuck?!’

‘This dude’s a freak.’

‘Let go, I’ll fuck him up.’ The leader tested the grip of his friends, but they held fast.

‘We gotta get to park in like ten minutes, remember. Don’t fuck this up.’

Liam watched their movements closely and waited for any sign of attack. None came. Instead they continued up the road, but not before flipping Liam off. He sighed and rubbed his arm. Inside it felt like there was something there, just in the shadows out of reach. Maybe if he could touch it, it would change things. But the more the stained for it, the more elusive it became.

‘Killer?’ He turned at the sound of his name. Josh hovered nearby, arms overloaded with brown grocery bags. ‘What are you doing here?’

Before Liam could answer a bag ripped and spilled out onto the street.

‘Shit.’ Josh cursed. Liam swooped down and picked up the cans that had spilled. By then Josh had rearranged things and took the cans back. Liam sank to the curb as the other boy cursed under his breath while rearranging things into the remaining bags.

‘C’mon.’ Josh didn’t even look back as he turned down a side street. Liam held a can of halved-peaches, unsure of what to do with it. He looked it over as he followed the other boy—it was the off-brand kind that came from megastores. But it was dented and dinged up. The label looked a bit faded.

Liam glanced up at Josh—he’d seen him a few times since the night Theo was kissing him at the apartment. At one point he’d been super angry at Josh. Then worried to meet him alone. But it had never happened, even when the other boy stood around outside the apartment on the lookout for Liam’s dad and other church folk. But now here he was, escorting Liam along the side streets.

‘You didn’t say what you’re doing out here. Also, pretty sure you were hiding out for a reason.’ Josh spoke without turning around.

‘I needed to go outside. Somewhere. And my dad won’t come here. Probably.’

‘I have to assume Theo told you not to come here either.’ Josh seemed annoyed as he mentioned Theo’s name. Liam suddenly remembered seeing them together, and his cheeks burned red once more. But there was something else—a slick, curdled feeling churning around in his guts. Theo had not said that exactly, and Liam wasn’t exactly planning on heading down the hill into the neighbourhood below. He’d just started walking in the opposite direction of the church.

‘Are you mad?’

‘At you?’ Josh turned slightly to eye Liam up.

‘Some. I guess.’

‘Oh.’

‘But that’s whatever. I’m more mad at myself for being stupid.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘How many relationships have you been in, Liam?’

‘Like…boyfriends?’ Liam mumbled, then realized he hadn’t come out at all. And Josh didn’t now any of the stuff that had happened as far as he knew. And that a normal (or as Kira would say, patriarchal heteronormative) response would have been “girlfriend”.

‘Yeah.’ Josh’s simple reply threw Liam out of the spiral of worry—was he just that accepting or did he think Liam was approximating Josh’s experiences to his own life?

‘Um, none.’

‘I’ve had nine. Nine dudes. Well, two that were not dudes. But whatever. My point is, I know what to expect by now.’

‘Oh.’ Liam looked at his feet. This wasn’t something he knew about Josh. Or thought about before. Or knew how to talk about.

‘Yeah, love ‘em and leave ‘em. Except I’m always doing the first part and they do the second.’ Josh moved around a mailbox that had fallen over long enough to gather a few layers of garbage and leaves on it.

‘That sucks.’

‘Truth. But that’s life.’

‘But it sucks.’ Liam said, more out of confusion than anything. Josh slowed and turned to study him, then slowed his pace to walk beside Liam.

‘You must really like him.’

‘What?’ Liam stopped for a second as Josh shoved one of the bags into his arms. They continued down the sidewalk next to each other.

‘Theo. You must really like him. I mean, I did too. But it was more, I liked certain things he does. Or how he acts. Know what I mean?’

Liam swallowed. Maybe this was coming out? Maybe it could happen in small steps. With people that he didn’t know well. That were mostly strangers.

‘I like those things too. About him.’

‘And his body! Holy shit.’ Josh’s grin was contagious and Liam felt himself smiling so wide his face felt like it was going to split. Not just from the fact Josh would understand, or even saw, the same things as Liam. But that he was talking about a boy he liked, and it was a lot more exciting than he had ever imagined.

‘I like…his chest.’ Liam muttered.

‘His chest—what about his arms! Those eyes.’ Josh looked off, imagining.

‘Sometimes I look at his hands. He has good hands.’ Liam spoke more to Josh and less to himself.

‘You know what’s sexy? His god damn legs. Dude…I swear those thighs… damn.’

‘I like them, too. Oh! Uhh actually, no… it’s dumb.’ Liam said.

‘Now you gotta tell. It’s like, a law.’ Josh zeroed in on him. Liam hesitated. It seemed a lot more personal than talking about how hot Theo was. But still, Josh wasn’t angry or mad or mean, like he’d feared. So maybe it was safe to tell him.

‘I like how he smells. Kinda like leather. And trees maybe.’

‘Truth! And maybe a hint of sweat.’ Josh added and Liam smiled at the thought of all the things he could smell when he wore Theo’s jacket. When it surrounded him. Protected him.

‘Wow that smile… and I thought I had the hots for him.’ Josh laughed.

‘Do you still—‘

‘Naw. I mean, sure, he’s fuckin’ hot. But… no. I got other things to deal with. And Theo’s more of something you do to escape that shit. For me.’ Josh glanced at Liam. The churning feeling was there again and Liam made a face.

‘Shit you got it bad. You look like you just at a whole bag of lemons and rocks.’

‘I do?’

‘Dude, it’s okay to be jealous.’

‘I guess I am.’ Liam examined the new feeling. He didn’t like it very much, but it was related to Theo. Though he did recognize that the feeling first came all those months ago when he saw Theo and Josh kiss. And after whenever it came up in his mind. How long had he liked Theo?

‘Alright, my stop here. You should head back.’ Josh took the grocery bag from Liam’s arms. ‘Might wanna keep going that way and loop back. Those assholes are probably waiting to jump you couple blocks up.’

‘Oh, thanks.’

‘No problem.’

‘And thanks for… talking to me.’ Liam tried to get across how it had felt to be seen and understood on the topic of Theo. Josh seemed to get it because an amused smile tugged at the corner of his mouth before he winked.

‘Any time you wanna talk boys, look me up.’ Josh turned the corner and immediately started yelling, ‘Jaz what did I tell you about eating the grass! Spit it out! Now!’

Liam kept walking.

When he got back to the apartment Danny promptly informed him they needed to get ready to go to Terry’s. Liam changed his clothes, sighing when he realized he didn’t finish his laundry. He’d borrow one of Theo’s shirts even though he knew it wouldn’t fit him exactly, and he’d apologize later. He picked the one that looked the oldest, without sleeves, a few holes and a faded Chimera logo he didn’t recognize.

The trip to Terry’s was full of noise as they all crammed into Brett’s car (Theo’s too? Liam still wasn’t sure). Brett complained the entire time, but the furtive glances at Nolan tempered some of the punk’s more acerbic comments.

Now Liam sat on the edge of the railing by the table as Nolan scarfed down a small mountain of food. Lately he’d been going to the gym more, Liam assumed, because he was starting to put on muscle. Or maybe he was going through puberty part 2. Or 3. Or maybe all the messing around with Brett required a lot of muscles? Liam shifted around in his spot. He wasn’t gonna think about that.

In the middle of Kira going over phase sixteen of her plan, Scott rolled up with Stiles and Theo.

‘Look who I found.’ Scott smiled. He smiled at Liam. Stiles slid into the impossibly small sitting area between Nolan and the wall and proceeded to eat small parts of everyone else’s meals. Which was a very Stiles thing to do apparently, because no one stopped him or seemed phased by it in any way.

Theo walked directly towards Liam. For a minute, he forgot there was anyone else around. He found himself smiling at Theo’s mischievous eyes and tousled pink hair as the punk leaned on the rail with him. Theo glanced at the shirt Liam was wearing.

‘Sorry. I borrowed it.’ Liam said.

‘It’s ok. Haven’t seen it in a long time is all.’ Theo reached out and touched the logo—half of it had peeled off but was still visible by the different color cloth beneath.

‘It was the first one I made.’

‘You made?’

‘Yeah. By hand. With those awful acrylic iron on things.’ Theo smirked.

‘Oh… I’ll be careful with it then.’ Liam looked down at the holes around the hem and the sides.

‘…and that’s when Liam comes in.’ Kira nodded to herself. When Liam didn’t reply everyone tuned to look at him.

‘Liam, you good with that?’ Scott asked. Liam glanced over at the table and started blushing. He’d missed a few minutes of Kira’s plan, but he knew that she had it all thought out.

‘Yeah, I’m good.’ They looked at him for another second and Liam wondered what he’d just agreed to. He noticed Scott’s eyes linger on the shirt he was wearing but the older boy didn’t say anything or look Liam’s away again.

‘Great. So then the Dykes On Bikes motorcycles will come in via the ramps here. Don’t worry I know the women that run it and they’e badass bitches up for anything.’ Kira pointed to a large hand-drawn diagram that had been used so many times Liam found it impossible to interpret.

Liam’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he felt Theo’s hand settle beside his on the railing. He glanced down. Theo’s hands were large. And somehow hot. Or sexy as Josh would say. Even with the chipped black nail polish and the small scars and tattoos poking out. In fact, somehow that made it a lot more hot. Sexy. Sexy hot? If any one could be both at the same time Liam thought it would be Theo.

It would be so easy to let the others talk and just move his hand over top Theo’s. But then he’d know what Liam felt. And that was bad. Well, not bad. It was okay to be gay. It was bad that Theo would know because what if Theo said no. And he didn’t kiss him once. Twice. How many times? When Liam thought he might, maybe, was going to. Still it would be nice to hold Theo’s hand. Maybe he could say he was cold? In his hand? No. Even he thought that sounded like an obvious lie. What if it wasn’t his whole hand…

Liam glanced at Theo—the singer was listening to Stiles argue with Kira about the semantics of unlawful entry (which Stiles claimed to know all about, because his dad was sheriff….except it seemed like everyone else was holding their breath about something else Liam didn’t know). While Theo was distracted, Liam shifted his hand and “accidentally” put his pinky finger over top of Theo’s. The punk didn’t move at first, so Liam looked back to their friends. Theo’s finger was warmer than the metal rail. Liam’s heart was thundering. It was another minute until Theo looked down at their hands, then over to Liam. Liam tried not to make eye contact but Theo’s gaze was like a magnet. When he glanced over the look on Theo’s face was new to him. A curiosity? Maybe uncertainty. But before Liam could pin it down Theo smiled softly and turned back to the others. Liam felt himself exhale. Theo must have just assumed it was an accident. Which meant Liam had pulled it off—he was kinda of, sort of holding hands with Theo. And he did it himself. In public. While knowing he liked Theo.

‘Liam, dude what’s up? You’re smiling like the joker.’ Nolan waved a hand in front of him. Liam panicked and grabbed the railing to keep from falling, hand separating from Theo’s. As he recovered he noticed Nolan give Theo a disapproving but tolerated glare.

‘I’m fine.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Can you grab some more chilli fries? Pleaaaaase?’ Nolan begged. Liam sighed—this either meant Nolan had no money, or he didn’t have enough on his own.

‘We can split them.’ Nolan offered.

‘Okay. Sure.’ Liam got off the rail and went around the lot to the opposite side where people were ordering food. He hoped Theo didn’t notice he nearly choked on his tongue when Nolan came over. Or that Nolan saw him holding Theo’s hand. Pinky. Well, not holding, but resting on top of. That wasn’t a thing as far as Liam knew. It was a just a thing to him. A secret thing.

Liam made his order and was carrying it back with care—Nolan would lose it if he dropped even a single fry.

‘What the fuck you grinning at?’ The tall boy from earlier and his buddies stood in front of him and blocked the way.

‘You gave us the slip earlier. Bet you think you’re smart.’

‘I just—‘ Before Liam could finish the leader slapped the chilli fries out of Liam’s hands from below. They hit the ground and exploded upwards, back on to Liam’s pants as the other kids laughed and make jokes. Liam frowned.

‘Why did you do that?’

‘whyyyy did you doo that.’ They mocked him. He could feel the thing inside wake up again, from a sleepy daze to a sharp awareness.

‘You fucking himbo.’ Another chimed in.

‘Look at him! It looks like he barfed all over his dick!’

‘What a fucking poser.’

‘You’re not even a true punk. Take that shit off.’ The leader grabbed at Liam’s shirt. Theo’s shirt. He knocked the punk’s hand away.

‘Take it off!’ Liam wasn’t ready for the other two to grab him from behind. When the leader came at him this time he got a firm grip on the shirt and instead of working to get it off Liam he yanked. The fabric tore and the stitching ripped. The shirt fell to the ground in tatters. Liam looked over at the leader—the white-hot spike of anger inside was there again, except this time it was not aimed down. Not aimed in. It was pointed outward, at the world. At this person who dared rip up something important to Theo.

With a roar Liam shrugged off the two on his back—their grip had loosened. Not smart. As he knocked them back he lunged for the punk in front of him. The leader blocked a few haphazard strikes before diving back at Liam. He barely felt when the punk’s fists connected to his jaw and his gut. The rage inside was like a wall—there was nothing that could get through it, nothing that could stop him. Liam pushed deep inside, to where the barrier was, to where the thing in the shadows lived, now hot and alive and wanting. And the divide between them shattered like glass and Liam grabbed fury, burning and coursing through him like the blood in his veins.

‘Liam!’ He was vaguely aware of Mason shouting his name as his friends poured around the corner. The fight took off like a wildfire as the rival group of punks pounced on Mason and Corey. Liam was focused entirely on the punk in front of him. He kept punching, but mainly missed. The leader sneered at him and moved around with experience Liam didn’t have.

Frustration welled up like a geyser and Liam snarled as he abandoned his fists and charged the skinnier punk. He took several blows to the face and head as he tackled the leader to the ground and pinned him in place with his legs. The first punch he connected to the punk’s face was like a soothing balm for the inferno inside. The second one brought the pain of Liam’s wounds into focus. The leader nearly knocked him back then. The third punch gave Liam time to see his friends, all around him, all fighting and being hurt just like him. And this was the person that was responsible. The retaliations from the punk beneath him were uncontrolled and sporadic. And suddenly he wasn’t hitting one person. He was hitting his dad for all the shit he’d done. Hitting his teachers for calling him stupid. Hitting the people that looked at him like he was trash. Garbage. Hitting the kids that made fun of him for going to a church he didn’t even want to be at. Hitting himself for being weak. Dumb. Stupid. Worthless.

Liam barely noticed when two sets of hands pulled him back, onto the cool ground. The leader’s friends were there instantly, bloody and bruised. They collected the punk and took off, swearing revenge and shouting. Liam looked at the long limbs of the person to his left—Brett. The punk looked down at him, but in a way he had never before. In a way that was still somehow familiar. Like he saw Liam, really saw him. Recognized him and was there with him. He didn’t speak, but he released Liam and took a step back.

‘What the hell Liam!’ Scott was on his right, and he yanked Liam to his feet.

‘He didn’t do anything wrong!’ Mason said, ‘They were holding him down. It’s not his fault.’

Liam bend down to collect the tattered rag that was once Theo’s shirt. Had this been what got him so angry? Made the ache in his knuckles so bad that it felt like there were going to split open? It seemed so small now.

‘It doesn’t matter. Liam…you have to be more careful. Be more in control.’ Scott’s voice was soft. Gentle. Empty.

‘No.’ Liam stood up.

‘You’re always saying to be who I am. All of you. You want me to be who I am. And to not hide things. And that’s all I do—hide things. Hold them all inside. Keep it under control. Keep it all inside, like how I’m supposed to. Because I’m not allowed to let it out. Never allowed to let it out. But I’m done.’

‘Liam, you could have really hurt that guy…’

‘Fuck him! Fuck him. He… he hurt me. He said things to me. He made me feel small. Bad. Wrong. They held me down. I can’t stand up? I can’t hit back? I’m not allowed?’

‘Liam, control—‘

‘I don’t want control! I just want to let go. I want to let it out. I want to let it all out. I’m… I’m tired. I’m really tired.’ Liam’s should sagged. The rage was gone. The anger inside died down to embers. No longer the dragon it once was, it curled up and had gone to sleep, glad to have gotten some exercise and expression.

‘Liam.’ Theo’s hand was hot on his shoulder. Liam looked up. He wanted to apologize for the shirt. Apologize for everything. But his words were asleep too.

‘Theo…’ Scott started to speak, but Theo shook his head.

‘I’ll take care of him. I promise.’ Theo guided Liam away from the group. Away from the lights, to a small footpath that led into the trees, and for that Liam was grateful.

They sat next to each other. Theo didn’t speak. Liam’s mind was racing with a hundred thoughts that came crashing down now that he was away from the noise and the light. He shouldn’t have yelled. He shouldn’t get angry at his friends. He wasn’t allowed to be angry, his dad had made that very clear. He’d broken his promise. He was stupid, stupid, stupid.

‘Stop it.’ Theo’s voice was thick and heavy, like he was trying to hold back emotion.

‘I’m just sitting.’ Liam whispered because he didn’t have the strength to speak with his full voice.

‘No, you’re not.’ Theo shifted and turned towards him. Liam was right—there was something there Theo was holding in, holding back. Not pity. Liam couldn’t stand pity. Something he didn’t understand.

‘You’re beating the shit out of yourself up here.’ Theo touched the side of Liam’s head. ‘And you shouldn’t.’

‘I just…’ Liam fell the words fall away into nothing. What could he say? There was no way he could explain. No way he could make this better. And he didn’t have the strength to convince Theo to go. What’s more, he didn’t want Theo to go.

‘Stand up.’ Theo got to his feet. Liam slowly followed.

‘Hit me.’ Theo said. The anger woke up again instantly, but drew back quickly and hesitated.

‘I won’t. Ever.’

‘Okay look.’ Theo held his hands in front of him, palms open. ‘It’s like boxing. Touch my right palm with your left fist. Gently. Okay?’

Liam made a fist and did as Theo asked. Theo held up his left hand and Liam did the same with that. Theo’s open hand rose again, faster this time. And Liam hit it. Then faster and faster. And Liam found himself hitting Theo’s palms with force—not full force, but enough that the last of the anger evaporated. Turned to smoke. And all that was under it were loneliness and fear.

He didn’t know when he collapsed onto the pink-haired punk in front of him, but Theo held him gently. He said things, soft things that Liam couldn’t make out, or understand. Be he felt the beat of Theo’s heart. The warmth of his skin. The arms around him. And he knew at the very least, that even if he was no good, he wasn’t alone.

Chapter Text

Liam’s neck hurt. When he opened his eyes he didn’t recognize where he was—a large, dirty window glowing with the light of early morning beside him. As the fog of sleep cleared he found himself in a giant room made of cement and old, industrial equipment. Sitting up, Liam was surprised to find a jacket covering his bare chest. It was one he’d seen Theo wear before, but the punk was nowhere to be seen.

Last night he’d yelled at Scott, at his friends. He’d run away. He hurt someone. But that guy tore up Theo’s first Chimera shirt. The one he’d made himself. They were going to hurt him. That made it okay, didn’t it? Liam knew the answer was no, at least if he’d asked Scott. Or even himself, his old self. But now… why shouldn’t he protect himself? Why shouldn’t he hurt the people that hurt him? Or feel anger. Everything was so confusing.

Fleeting memories of Theo helping him climb a fire escape and settle onto the mattress he was on now flashed through Liam’s mind. He had been in Theo’s arms, cradled to his chest. Warm. Safe. Liam fought the warm blush spreading across his face and the tips of his ears and failed.

Liam stood, wincing. Tell-tale signs of bruising lined his torso. His jaw and tongue hurt and his knuckles throbbed. He jumped when he heard the clatter of a pipe. He pulled the jacket around his torso and a second later Theo peeked up and over the far stairwell. His eyes looked over Liam, assessing damage. In his right hand he held a tray with McDonald’s coffee and by the smell of it, breakfast food. In Theo’s left hand was a scuffed, red, first aide kit.

‘You look like shit, Killer.’ Theo said. Grumpy. He was grumpy. No, Liam didn’t believe that. Theo was pretending to be grumpy.

‘Where are we?’ Liam asked.

‘Hiding spot. I don’t let anyone else come here so don’t go blabbing about it.’ Theo teased. Liam felt his cheeks get warm again and he hated the fact he always blushed so easily.

‘What about…’

‘Scott knows you’re safe. They all do.’ Theo said.

‘So this is like your secret hideout?’ Liam asked as he looked around. There was a lot of graffiti on the walls and a few spent spray cans rolling around. He’d been sleeping on a pile of blankets and old foam inserts.

‘My secret hideout?’ Theo chuckled. ‘Yeah I guess it is.’

‘It’s neat.’ Liam smiled, then winced as his ribs reminded him of what he’d been doing the night before.

Theo gave him a concerned look as he moved somethings around in the corner.

‘Sorry about your shirt.’ Liam said. Theo continued to look at him as if he were trying to figure out what he was thinking. Then he gave up.

‘It was just a shirt. Don’t worry about it.’

‘I’ll find a way to—‘

‘C’mere.’ Theo sat on a turned over plastic crate by a huge wooden spool that must have been for wires or cable. It reminded Liam of a giant’s sewing kit, but he sat down across from Theo, careful not to jostle his ribs.

‘Closer.’ Theo always spoke without effort, without thought. There was no hesitation in him, and Liam scooted his crate over until he was beside the punk. Theo tilted his head so his hair moved out of his vision. It reminded Liam of a pink curtain.

‘Arms up.’ Theo held a swab and some disinfectant in his hands, waiting for Liam to comply. Liam let the jacket slide to his lap and raised up his arms. He only remembered his tattoo when he saw Theo’s eyes fall on it. He must have seen it last night at some point when they came back to wherever they were now. But it had been late, so maybe he didn’t and he was seeing it now for the first time. Either way the curious glance was gone in a second and he was cleaning the scrapes and cuts Liam had earned in his scuffle.

‘That Deaton’s work?’ Theo’s voice was thick and gravelly as usual, but there was a more relaxed feel to it. Casual. Less guarded. Maybe because there were less people?

‘You said he was good.’

‘I coulda came with you.’

‘I… I wanted to do it. On my own.’

Theo nodded ad he peeled a bandaid open and gently touched it to Liam’s skin.

It was odd to see Theo doing something so gentle and with such care. Liam remembered the snarl on the punk’s face when he screamed into the mic, or when gentle hands became thirsting fists seeking answers to questions Theo couldn’t ask with words. Or maybe didn’t know how to ask. How everyone treated him like he was mean, or bad, or angry. Or less. Like the people in Liam’s life had treated him, except Theo went the opposite direction. Theo didn’t let people tell him who he was. But looking at the singer’s green eyes now, Liam thought that even though Theo seemed strong, or like he didn’t care about anything, deep down and far beyond the reach of those around him, Theo was sad. And the sudden observation hurt.

Liam didn’t know what he was doing until his fingers closed around Theo’s wrist, causing the punk to look up in question. The way Theo was now… there was something out of place. Something not right, and Liam felt stupid that he didn’t see it before, because it seemed to glare at him now. The loneliness. The weight on Theo’s shoulders. It was the same as the invisible pressure that used to weight him down, but not quite.

Liam let go of Theo’s hand. The punk remained where he was, not moving. Waiting. Theo’s hair slid forward again and this time Liam didn’t think, he reached out and pushed it back behind Theo’s ear. Out of the way, so he could look into the singer’s eyes.

‘Last night…’ Liam wasn’t sure how to ask. What to ask. The words just leapt from his lips without thinking. Theo’s head dipped.

‘No biggie.’

‘I hit you.’

‘My hands.’ Theo put the kit away and pushed the coffee towards Liam. He cradled it in his hands, making them hot. Almost burning. But the pain and discomfort was real and kept him focused.

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘You can’t. Don’t worry.’ Theo tossed it away as if it were nothing.

‘Because you don’t care—‘

‘—No.’ Theo’s response came out with force that reminded Liam he was Theo from Chimera. Not just quiet Theo that took care of him after he had a melt down. Theo had fangs, but the outburst seemed to upset the punk.

‘I’m not afraid.’ Liam said.

‘Then you’re…’ Theo clenched his jaw. ‘You should be.’

‘You wanted me to hurt you. Last night.’ Liam spoke slowly as he pieced the memories together.

‘Why would I want that?’ Theo snorted.

‘I don’t know.’ Liam mumbled, suddenly feeling stupid he had gotten so angry that night. That he made himself look stupid in front of his friends. That he broke all of his promises. He cold feel Theo’s eyes on him again. Studying him carefully, but not like he was made of glass like Mason often did. Instead it was more like walking slowly around a dog that had been chained to the ground, all tangled up. Unsure if he could help. Or if he should.

‘You can’t hurt me.’ Theo’s sudden words snapped Liam out of his brain. Liam wrapped his arms around himself.

‘I got that covered.’ Theo’s voice was a low whisper coming from the roots of the earth beneath them. Matter-of-fact. Speaking reality and truth.

‘You shouldn’t do it either.’ Liam said, causing the punk across from him to frown. ‘Beat yourself up inside. Or outside.’

Theo smiled then. A fake smile. A smile that said ‘nice try kid’.

‘I… I mean it! If you don’t stop I’ll be super pissed off at you.’ Liam tried his best to be stern, earning a chuckle from Theo.

‘It’s true! I’m not lying. Here.’ Liam took Theo’s hand in his own. They were rough and scarred and calloused. He pressed the flat of Theo’s hand to his chest, above his heart, directly on top of the tattoo.

‘You can ask me anything and if I’m lying you can feel it. My heart. You can feel my heart speed up.’

‘Liam,’ Theo started to withdraw his hand. Liam did his best to let go of all the things inside that kept him hidden. That kept him far away from other people. The things that kept him safe and distant, because this was Theo. And Theo was good. And he needed Theo to know that he was the best, awesomest person that Liam had ever known. Some of it must have come across because the punk pushed his hand against the warmth of Liam’s chest.

‘Now what?’ Theo asked.

‘I’m not sure.’ All Liam knew was that his stomach was doing odd flips and wiggles inside dude to Theo’s palm against his skin. When he felt Theo start to withdraw Liam opened his mouth and started to say whatever popped in his head. Anything to keep Theo close. To help him understand he was good, and that Liam was his friend.

‘I don’t do it much. Talk. Because it’s hard. Like all my thoughts get jumbled up and I imagine stuff people might say and then I have to imagine all the stuff to say back because if I don't then I just keep talking and talking. My dad says it’s a waste of time. Me wasting time. That I should get my head on straight. That I’m garbage. And I disappoint him. He didn’t used to say those things. Sometimes he’d smile at me. When I was really little. When my mom was still around. And then I made her go away and I thought that if I did what my dad said, that he would smile at me again and we could be happy. Maybe that… if I kept my promise she might come back. But she never did. And I got full up with stuff. I get…frustrated. Because it’s hard to know what people are feeling when I see their faces, or they talk and say things they don’t mean, or mean one thing and say another. But that’s because I’m stupid and dumb. And I’m sick. I got all these things in me, and I just want to disappear. I hate myself. But maybe if I can try harder, and work harder I can be better. Not fixed. Just better. That would be nice. That would be good I think. If I could be a little bit better even, then you might… I mean, you might. We could be friends. Like. Better friends. Or something.’

Liam’s heart was thundering, but none of it was a lie. Then why did he get so worked up? Was it because he was thinking of the sensation of Theo’s palm on his chest. Like it belonged there, like the weight of it was adding to him, not burdening or pressing him into a shape that he wasn’t? When he looked at Theo’s face the punk’s eyes were focused on him. He never removed his hand, even as he began to speak.

‘When you tried to hold my hand last night, is that what you wanted? To be friends?’ Theo’s voice was thick, like he was having trouble speaking.

‘Yes. I want to be your friend. I am your friend. Maybe. A good friend. I want to be a good friend with you.’ Liam knew everything was coming out in a jumbled mess now, but his tongue wouldn’t give up the words he needed. It was all twisted and slick and uncertain.

I want to be your boyfriend. The voice inside sang, but his mouth refused to shape the words to speak. His dad told him—

‘What if I said we weren’t friends?’ The words stung, but Liam shook them off—it was something Mason always called rhetorical. A rhetorical question.

‘You would be lying.’

‘How do you know?’ Theo asked. The air felt different, and they looked at each other, unsure of what was coming or how they even got there. Liam lifted his hand and put it on Theo’s chest. The thin material of his shirt did little to hide the warmth coming off his body, or the steady breaths he was taking.

‘I’ll feel it now. If you’re lying.’ Liam mumbled. Theo looked smaller then, but not in a bad way. Not in a lesser way. He looked like a kid. One that might cry or maybe smile in the next beat of a heart. This was the real Theo, the Theo that was deep down inside, hidden away from everyone else. The Theo that Liam had caught glimpses of here and there, but could never fully see. And now he needed to be careful, because really in his heart if Theo was just a kid, kids could get scared so easy, and they needed a lot of love, and for someone to look out for them. To keep them safe, even from themselves.

‘I was joking.’ The words sounded more like a confession than someone trying to restore order to their talk. ‘It was just a joke. We’re… friends.’

‘Good.’ Liam smiled. He was surprised when Theo’s fingers explored the slightly raised skin of his tattoo. Suddenly Liam knew he was blushing but if he ignored it, maybe it would stop on its own.

‘Can you tell me what it means?’ Theo asked. The tattoo was fairly simple—a snarling wolf’s head with fangs sinking into severed, praying hands. Words emblazoned around it—pack not prayers.

‘Ask Deaton.’ Liam blurted out before he could think of something to say. Theo chuckled.

‘Custom piece then. How long did you guys talk?’

‘I dunno. Awhile. He was… nice. Calm, I guess. Not like the other tattoo person.’

‘Erica.’ Theo offered. Liam nodded.

‘Ink looks good on you, Liam.’

‘You said my name.’

‘I did.’

‘You said it earlier, too.’

‘Guess so.’

‘I’m not Killer anymore?’ Liam asked. Theo tilted his head, really considering.

‘You’re both.’ Theo said. Liam shifted in his seat. ‘Does it bug you?’

‘I… don’t know. Maybe. Kinda.’

‘Because you don’t want to be bad.’ Theo said.

‘Yeah.’

‘Liam, have I made things hard for you, like before today somehow?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘When you were talking about all the stuff in your head, how you feel… was any of that because of me?’

‘No. No, you’re good.’

‘Okay.’ Theo nodded to himself and Liam frowned. Theo didn’t understand.

‘I mean… that you’re good. Like you’re a good thing to me. A good person. Someone I like. And that… I feel good when you’re around. You scared me some… like with the raccoon. And when you hurt yourself. But you could never be bad to me. Ever.’ Liam said.

‘That’s what you’ve landed on, huh?’ Theo asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘That’s probably… that’s really nice Liam. That’s… thanks.’ Theo said, and Liam knew he still didn’t understand, not fully. But it was okay because he would find a way to make Theo get it somehow. Eventually.

‘Alright. Time to face the music.’ Theo tossed Liam a spare shirt that was pink and white tie-dye with holes all over. As Liam pulled it on he suddenly regretted everything that had happened the night before.

‘Dude!’ Nolan beamed. ‘Dude!’

Liam sat on the sofa as Nolan paced around with a huge smile—he’d gone on for five minutes about how kick-ass Liam was but now had gotten stuck with one phrase on loop that popped up every time he caught sight of Liam again and wanted to tell him what he thought.

Theo had taken off a few minutes after they’d returned home, only staying long enough to shower and change before heading to work. Liam watched his back disappear out the door and suddenly wished they’d stayed together, just the two of them, at Theo’s secret hideout.

Mason tore into him three seconds later. He was angry but thankfully more relieved Liam was okay. Everyone else seemed to agree with Nolan. Everyone except Scott, who wasn’t around when they got back to Theo’s place. Something Liam was very grateful for. He didn’t know if he could look Scott in the eye after yelling at him and being so angry.

None of them seemed to understand what had happened last night, and when Liam tried to tell them, they brushed it off like it wasn’t important. Which annoyed the hell out of him, as Kira would say. Which made him testy. Which ended up with Liam stepping outside onto the balcony off of Brett and Nolan’s room to breathe some air and calm down. Everyone else stayed downstairs to discuss Kira’s plan they would be putting into motion during prom. Which was why Liam nearly jumped out of his skin when the balcony door suddenly slammed open.

Brett didn’t speak when he stepped outside, but he had a mildly annoyed look on his face as he lit a cigarette and leaned against the railing.

‘They’re not doing it to be dicks.’ He said as he looked off at the traffic lights.

‘What?’

‘The “we don’t care” thing. It’s not cuz they’re dicks. They just don’t want you to worry.’ The punk mumbled. Liam frowned, how could they not get it?

‘I made a promise—‘

‘Blah, blah, blah. You’re all fucked up inside. Who isn’t.’ Brett blew smoke away from Liam and grew quiet. Maybe he was right, and Liam had been to self-absorbed to really notice all the things going on around him. It wasn’t like he was the only one with problems. Other people had it worse. He was nothing special. He was just some screwed up kid with a shitty dad. Not totally uncommon. Except he was absolutely terrible at telling other people how he felt. Or knowing what he was feeling.

‘I understand.’ Brett’s voice had none of the mocking tone that Liam was accustomed to.

‘Last night, I recognized you. The real you. Finally.’

‘What?’

Brett turned his back to the railing and leaned against it. He took a final drag off his cigarette and crushed it out in the tin can on the railing.

‘At first I thought you were the biggest asshole. Then I realized you didn’t remember. Then I thought you were an even bigger asshole for that. And that this whole church boy thing was some sort of fucked up pity party act. But last night when you finally let loose, I recognized you.’

‘I don’t get it.’

Brett touched his eyebrow and poked it a few times.

‘They tell you I got a piece of glass stuck up here?’

‘Yeah. I think. Maybe.’

‘How’d it get there?’

‘I dunno.’

‘You put it there.’

‘No I… didn’t.’ Liam felt his mouth go dry. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the railing to keep his knees from buckling under him.

‘We were like…seven? Maybe eight? I was a lot smaller than you then. Shaved head. We fought on the play ground. Over that red, toy truck, remember?’

‘Red truck.’ Liam nodded.

‘You got so mad. So mad. I thought you were gonna kill me. So I ran and I tripped on the edge of the sand box—‘

‘And fell. And there was glass. And blood.’ Liam stared at the tall punk beside him. Brett tapped his eyebrow.

‘Been awhile, Killer.’

Liam felt like he was going to throw up.

‘Keep those cookies in.’ Brett was there beside him, thumping on his back suddenly. Something Liam could focus on and find his feet underneath him.

‘After that you guys moved. Hated you for a long time, but I got over it. Then you show up like some confused puppy here. But it wasn’t an act, cuz you’re a shit liar. And the way you cringed… that was fucked up. I was pissed you ended up being so weak. After all those years imagining you were like some stupid jock, bully or something. You’re just this. What the fuck happened to you?’

Liam sank to the floor and sat quietly.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘I dont’!’ Liam’s fists clenched without thinking as he looked up at Brett.

‘Does it help? Does it make thing a bit clearer?’

‘What?’ Liam tried to stuff his rage back inside but it avoided his grasp.

‘The anger. Does it help?’

‘No! Yes… I guess in a way. I get tired of holding it all in. It takes so much.’

‘So don’t.’ Brett shrugged and looked off to the edge of the city once more. He was so calm, so casual. Something about it made Liam’s muscles relax. The anger simmered then soaked into his body. And after it settled, there were words beneath.

‘My parents, they fought. They were angry because I hurt you. I got so mad all the time. My mom thought I was a monster. And she didn’t love me. So she left. My dad, he said the church would help make me right. And I promised to never be mad. Last night, I was so mad. I was so mad!’ Liam felt the tears carve their way down his face, scalding with shame.

‘So you just flipped out.’ Brett asked.

‘They said I was…stupid. I was dumb. They called you guys names. They ripped Theo’s shirt. I wanted them to stop.’

‘And they did.’ Brett shrugged.

‘But I promised—‘

‘Man, fuck that. I mean, I still think you’re kind of a tool. But you can’t let people shit on you like that. Not those assholes. Not your dad. Not Theo.’

‘Theo wouldn’t—‘

‘Doesn’t fucking matter. All the shit you got inside… Scott tells you control it. Theo tells you whatever the fuck Theo does. But really it comes down to this—you either move past it some how, let it go or beat it out of your fists, I don’t care, or you hold on to it and let it gnaw at you inside till you’re hollow. But it’s you that’s gotta deal with it. And if you don’t, all the people around you will fuck off eventually. Got it?’

The words came suddenly and were spoken without thinking: ‘Why did you kiss me?’

Now Brett was blushing. The tall punk reeled back and sighed.

‘I was just checking something. Okay? And I got my answer.’

‘Oh.’ Liam said.

‘Don’t get all full of yourself, king shit.’ Brett pushed off the railing. ‘And come inside, we’re getting pizza.’

‘Okay.’ Liam mumbled as Brett closed the door. He listened to the traffic off in the distance. Sirens sounding. City breathing and moving. Everything kept going. Nothing ever stopped. They all saw him in their own ways. Brett knew him in a way he never suspected or remembered. Scott knew him and wanted him to be tame and keep peace. Theo saw him and wanted him to be who he was, to be free. Maybe all of them were right, or none of them were right at the same time. Liam wasn’t sure if it was possible to be all those things at once, but one thing he knew was that everything was a lot more complicated than he’d ever imagined.

‘I’m not into this.’ Corey said from the armchair. Liam had watched the scowl on his face grow larger and larger as Kira discussed the intricate details of her plan. One element of which was making sure that things actually started with as little trouble as possible. Which meant pretending to be straight and not draw attention to themselves at first. The rub being that Mason would be going to prom with Kira, Liam with Hayden, and Brett with Tracey. Corey was supposed to go with Brett’s sister, but instead of agreeing he simply fumed to the point of blurting everything out. Liam was still half-stunned by what Brett said earlier, and only half listened until things started to get heated.

‘Why does it have to go like this?’ Corey asked.

‘For the plan.’ Kira rolled her eyes. Lately it had become a mantra that she repeated to them over and over.

‘I don’t care about the plan! I just want to go to prom with my boyfriend and dance like everyone else.’ Corey folded his arms.

‘I know. I do.’ Kira sighed. ‘Do you think they’re just going to let that happen? Maybe over at Devonford, or a few counties over but not here Corey. You know what it’s like.’

‘It’ll be okay. We’re still going together. Just, coming inside with different people.’ Mason said.

‘That’s not going together then.’ Corey mumbled.

‘Don’t you want to topple the patriarchy? Show your parents they’re wrong about you? That their ideas about Mason are petty and small-minded?’ Kira asked.

‘I just want to dance. I mean… yeah. I want those things, too. But sometimes… I just want to dance.’ Corey said.

‘It’s a bit selfish to—‘

‘You’re right.’ Corey said, ‘It is selfish. But we’re kids. We don’t get to want stuff for us sometimes? I can’t help just wanting to do something normal. I know it’s not possible right now. I just would really like it. That’s all.’

‘So you don’t wanna help? It’s okay if you don’t. I shouldn’t have just assumed…’ Kira said. Malia was beside her in the blink of an eye. Not really touching her, but there for support. Liam could practically feel the Malia Zone of Total Protection around Kira even from where he was sitting.

‘No it’s… I’ll do it. I guess I’m just pissed off that it’s even a thing.’ Corey grasped Mason’s hand and sighed. Mason leaned into his boyfriend and whispered something to make Corey smile and Liam felt two things at once—one was soft and tender, the other sharp and inward aiming.

‘Thanks Corey. I guess I should ask everyone else the same thing.’ Kira nodded to herself. No one moved. Liam guessed they were all good with the plan. And he was, too. But there was something inside that was gnawing at him and he decided to listen to it for once.

‘I’m going alone.’ Liam said.

‘What?’ Kira asked. Liam knew he was an important part of Kira’s plan because of who his dad was, but he was done with holding everything inside.

‘I’m not pretending to go with Hayden just for a plan. I don’t want to go anyway. But I wanna help. So I’ll go to the dance with just myself.’ Liam said. It didn’t seem fair to wrap Hayden up going with him, even though she said she would help the plan however she could. Especially when she had her heart set on asking some boy from Devonford Prep.

‘Liam—‘ Kira was interrupted by a very enthusiastic Nolan.

‘Going stag! Yeah dude!’

‘Did he get into sugar?’ Kira frowned.

‘Someone told him about all our secret stashes.’ Danny glared at Liam, who gave his best attempt at an apologetic smile. After all, how was he supposed to know the amount of candy they were keeping hidden from Nolan bordered on two Halloweens’ worth of sugar in total?

‘Fine, Liam I’m cool with you going stag.’ Kira said, ‘But only because it shows marked growth of character and it sounds cool when you say it.’

‘Stag.’ Liam mumbled to himself. It did kinda sound cool even if he had no idea why it was called that.

‘All cool?’ She asked, getting several nods in return.

‘Has everyone been practicing the set?’ Kira asked. She’d curated several very loud very punk songs for them to play in lieu of the boring, repetitive music that the school had deemed safe to play at the prom. Everyone had been practicing it non-stop.

‘I’ve been… practicing my own song.’ Liam was afraid to bring it up, but he’d already taken the first step. There was no going back.

‘What song?’ Danny asked.

‘I…can’t say the name of it.’ Liam blushed. He motioned for Danny to lean close. After he whispered the name of it into his friend’s ear Danny’s face broke into a huge grin. Kira gave them both a curious look.

‘It’s way better than you could ever hope for.’ Danny told her before leaning in and whispering the few words that made up the name of the song and the band.

Kira nodded to herself. Solid and enthusiastic. Then she fixed her eyes on Liam.

‘You know the whole thing?’

‘Almost. But I’m not as good as everyone else.’

‘Just on acoustic?’ She asked.

‘I think I can do electric? But I only tried a couple times.’ Liam left out that it was on Brett’s guitar when the tall boy was off working double shifts. Somehow he didn’t think that detail was going to lead to a helpful place for the meeting.

‘Can you play it for me after, in private? I might be able to help with the electric.’ She said. Liam nodded.

‘Perfect. We have a few days left to get everything in place and working like a well-oiled, queer, fuck machine.’

Nolan snorted and giggled. Brett tapped the back of his head, and Kira continued on as if it was the most natural thing in the world for her to say. And maybe it was, because it was Kira.

Liam sat and listened to the rest of the plan. He’d been practicing a few songs to try and figure out all the things he felt inside, and music seemed like the best way to do that. Though he was terribly rusty and would never dream of trying to share the stage with his much more talented friends, in this case it seemed appropriate somehow. Plus it lined up with everything he was trying to line up in his head.

What Liam didn’t tell Kira was that he didn’t actually want to go by himself. He wanted to go to the prom with Theo. Even though Liam wasn’t fully sure what you did at a prom, besides dance (or get wasted according to Brett), but whatever it was Liam wanted to do it with Theo. He wanted to do everything with Theo, and he imagined that Theo would want to do the same with him. But that could all just be in his mind. Though there were times the pink-haired punk seemed like he might say yes if Liam asked him The Question He Could Never Ask. The boyfriend question. What did boyfriends do together anyway? Maybe Liam would ask Nolan later. But for now he’d wait until the meeting was over and practice with Kira on the electric until he mastered the couple of songs he needed to. Or at least he would try.

Chapter Text

‘Liam, your fingers are bleeding.’ Kira reached out and caught his hand to keep it from the strings. Liam knew he needed more practice than anyone let on, and he didn’t have the muscle memory or calluses the others had built up over the years. He still stumbled through the difficult sections of the song, even with Kira’s help. So far they’d been playing in the living room all day trying to work out the tricky bits.

‘It’s fine!’ He snapped, then felt the bloom of guilt well up inside. ‘Sorry.’

‘I’m not made of glass, Liam. If it gets to the point where you’re a snarky bitch I’ll just tell you to fuck off. We’ll grab some coffee and take a breather.’ Kira spoke without looking away from the finger that pressed hard enough to tear the skin. It was really only one. The electric was hard but the strings weren’t as bite-y as the acoustic. Especially the tiny thin string. Liam did not like that one.

‘Have you talked to Scott yet?’ Kira asked. Liam shook his head. Just the thought of the older boy made Liam upset. He was torn because it was hard to be mad at your friends, especially Scott, but everyone was telling him the things he felt were real and okay. So when would things go back to normal? Did one feeling cancel the other out eventually, like putting out a fire with a light rain? Or was it just like this now? Liam wasn’t sure.

‘I think we’re good.’ Kira said. Liam picked up the guitar again.

‘No, I mean, good enough to play. Like, no more practicing.’

‘But there’s still time before prom. I can do lots of practicing.’

‘Liam, you’ve nailed it three times out of five at this point, and more practicing just before a show is only gonna stress you out. And maybe make you bleed to death. Plus we have to get you all dolled up.’ Kira said.

‘But like… I get to change later. For the second part of the plan.’

‘For the twentieth time, yes. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make you look slick as hell in a tux until then. In fact, the more polished you look the better you’ll stand out later on.’

‘Alright.’ Liam mumbled. He wished he knew if Theo thought tuxedos were hot. Or if maybe something more casual was a turn on. Not that he wanted to turn Theo on in the middle of prom. Except he kind of did. Because if he couldn’t go with Theo maybe he could spend time with the punk at least. Lately it had been hard to do anything without thinking about Theo, and when he walked into the room it was difficult to speak or focus on other people, which nearly got him in hot water a few times with the others. Thankfully practicing with Kira was a good outlet and it gave Liam something to think of besides the pink-haired punk. Except he was learning the song for Theo, so he could play it for him, the way Theo played songs for him. But because he wasn’t as refined in his thinking he’d picked a song that was very direct. At least this way there was no way to mistake what he was saying. Unless Theo had a very liberal interpretation of the lyrics, which Liam didn’t think was likely since the punk was pretty sharp. Still, anything was possible. He was about to ask Kira where Theo even was when suddenly the front door burst open.

‘SNACKS!’ Nolan was a streak as he ran to his and Brett’s room but Liam was pretty sure his arms were full of chips and chocolate bars.

Mason and Corey looked unimpressed as they carried in grocery bags full of what Liam assumed were actual groceries. Which was a definition that varied from person to person in their group of friends. Since it was Mason doing the shopping this time it meant mostly actual vegetables and meat to cook with. But Danny and Ethan bringing up the rear meant there were at least one or two frozen pizzas and TV dinners.

‘Move.’ The tone was blunt. Liam was surprised to see Jackson bringing up the rear with the last of the grocery bags and a scowl that was aimed at both Danny and Ethan. Which meant trouble, but at least Jackson wasn’t mad at him. Or even looking at him. Sometimes Jackson could be…too Jackson for Liam to handle.

‘You. You’re coming with me.’ Jackson turned to look at Liam once after he set the groceries down on the edge of the counter.

‘Me?’

‘Are you stupid? Never mind. Of course you are.’ Jackson dismissed him and headed for the door.

‘Well?’ Jackson crossed his arms and looked at Liam in a way that made him feel like he was a bug crawling in front of the acerbic punk. A talent that Liam was glad belonged to Jackson exclusively.

‘It’s fine.’ Kira said. Liam still didn’t move.

‘He’s gonna take you to get a tux.’ Kira clarified. Jackson rolled his eyes.

‘Oh.’ Liam said, still standing in the middle of the room.

‘For the love of fuck.’ Jackson reached out and grabbed Liam by the wrist and dragged him behind.

‘Don’t struggle! It’ll just make it worse.’ Danny yelled.

‘He likes it when you struggle.’ Ethan added just before Jackson slammed the door.

Liam was still trying to figure out what they meant and put up no resistance when Jackson stuffed him into the passenger seat of an oddly clean car Liam had never seen before. Jackson started the engine and ripped out of the yard at a speed Liam was certain was dangerous, and totally not allowed.

‘Seatbelt.’ Jackson said without looking away from the road. Liam blinked.

‘Holy shit, kid.’ Jackson stopped at the red suddenly and Liam nearly went flying. Jackson caught him at the last second, shoved him backwards, yanked the seatbelt and buckled him in.

‘What are you, like five?’

‘No.’

‘Well don’t act like a stupid brat then.’ They continued to drive in silence, Liam absolutely certain Jackson was going to murder him with his eyes alone for reasons only Jackson knew.

‘Do you know where Theo is?’ Liam spoke in a rush—the faster he got it out the less chance Jackson would dismiss him with a scoff or a grunt.

‘Do I look like I know where Theo is?’ Jackson spat.

‘Yes?’ Liam guessed the response because how could you even ever look like you knew where someone was. It wasn’t an expression. Unless it was and he hadn’t learned what it looked like yet. The look Jackson gave him told him no, it was not a look, but that he’d given the wrong answer anyway.

‘Fucker always disappears before a show.’ Jackson mumbled. ‘Been gone more and more lately.’

‘I—‘ Liam snapped his mouth shut as soon as Jackson’s eyes narrowed. He folded his hands and looked right out the window. Some people were easier to deal with now that he wasn’t holding everything in, but Jackson was still scary.

‘Get out.’ The older boy was half out the door before Liam could register what was going on. They walked into a small tailor’s shop Liam must have walked by dozens of times but never actually noticed. Inside was simple, clean, and cozy. A giant jade plant sat in the corner, stubbornly growing, and there were framed photos of people wearing fancy clothes on the walls.

‘Got ‘em.’ Jackson raised his voice. Liam turned to the punk leaning against the entrance. He heard a loud click as Jackson reached behind himself and turned the lock. When Liam turned to face the new person coming in the room he saw why.

Scott stood a dozen feet away, looking more awkward than Liam could remember him ever being. Panic was the first thing to reach Liam, but anger was on its heels. Scott was the one who was always trying to get him to feel and do things he wasn’t able to. Scott was the one that cared more about some stupid stranger than his friends, than Liam. And even though time had passed, Liam was pretty sure the anger was clear on his face.

‘I’ll be quick.’ Scott pleaded. His tone took Liam off guard and made him falter. Scott was hurting, too. But that didn’t make the way he acted okay. Though it did give Liam pause—there was no harm in just standing there and listening.

‘First, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel… I didn’t mean for things to happen like that. But this isn’t about that. Exactly. Here.’ Scott handed him a bag. Liam looked through it—all of it was his stuff, mostly old church clothes, some old notes and papers.

‘Thanks.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Have you… read any of those letters?’ Scott flicked his eyes towards Jackson. Liam wasn’t sure what he saw, but he did relax.

‘No.’ And it was the truth. He hadn’t even bothered to consider them. They were just junk, but maybe they were important. His dad—

Liam frowned. He took the handful of envelopes at the bottom of the bag and went to throw them in the trash by the desk. He’d toss out all his dad’s stupid stuff when he got back home, too.

‘Liam, wait!’ Scott had the same tone he did the night of the fight, but there was something else. Liam looked down at the letters. The one on top was addressed to him. He looked through the rest—some were junk but three others were also addressed to him.

‘Remember the guy that was poking around awhile ago? We thought your dad hired him. He didn’t. Your mom did.’ Scott said.

‘What?’ Liam reached out for the anger that was there moments ago and came up empty handed. There was nothing but numbness. Confusion.

‘She left. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.’ Liam mumbled.

‘Your dad told you that, yeah?’ Scott asked. And it was true—his father’s words. Explanations. Liam was bad, she hated him. She left. She didn’t want anything to do with him.

‘This guy, Calavera, he finds people. He was trying to get you a message from your mom, but I guess we were too good at protecting you. So he came to me.’ Scott explained, ‘Liam, she wants to see you.’

Liam shook his head. This was wrong. It didn’t make sense.

‘No.’ Liam’s tongue felt thick, hard to move. Everything inside was jumbled up, pulling him down.

‘Liam—‘

‘No!’ Something inside snapped closed. Thick metal walls damming off tidal waves he knew he couldn’t deal with. They would sweep him away, pushing past the point he would be able to hold on and make sense of things. Emotions were good, mostly. But confusing the more he let out, the more he was at their mercy.

‘I don’t want to see her.’ How could she stand the sight of him? Was it out of pity that she was trying to reach out now? And what about when she found out about him? The anger that drove her away was still there, too. No, nothing good could come of seeing her. She’d just hurt him like so many other people had. Still, questions burned in him. If his father had lied, why did she abandon him? Why did she leave? Liam knew that he wasn’t good, that there was something wrong inside of him. But that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve answers.

‘Alright.’ Scott nodded to himself. ‘I just… I thought you’d wanna know. Mr. Calavera said to give you this.’

Scott handed Liam a white card with a number written on it.

‘If you change your mind, I guess.’ Scott mumbled.

‘Now what?’ Liam asked as he shoved the card into his pocket. He felt heavy. Where was Theo? He would know what to do.

‘We could talk. About stuff. If you want.’ Scott offered.

‘Can we just do tuxedos? I don’t think I want to talk right now.’ Liam said.

‘You’re okay with me helping?’ Scott asked. Liam nodded—Scott was his friend, even if he was angry at him. He knew that it was okay to feel mad, but right now he just felt tired. Maybe he would still be mad at Scott later, maybe less. For now it seemed okay to have him there. Especially since Scott had an innate, oblivious talent for deflecting anything Jackson said or turning it around on him. Though Jackson was oddly quiet through the whole thing.

‘C’mon. Tailor’s out back.’ Jackson’s voice was level and even for once as he led them to the fitting rooms. Liam thought the punk looked a little more somber, grounded, as opposed to on edge like he usually was. Maybe the whole thing was an act after all. A very, very good one.

Liam decided he liked tuxedos alright, but he did not like the fitting part of the process. Tiny needles everywhere, close to tender places. His face was still burning in the aftermath of Jackson explaining what it meant when the tailor asked which way Liam “dressed” (which, honestly, was a very dumb and general way of asking something so specific and kinda personal). Liam didn’t feel too bad after Scott told him for his first clothes fitting he ever had (also at Jackson/Kira’s clever manipulations) when the tailor asked him the question he demonstrated how he put his shirt and pants on. At least Liam didn’t go that far into misunderstanding. Mostly because he was trying to untangle what else such a simple question could possibly mean.

Now that the fitting was done, they had parted ways—Scott still had things to get ready for the stage, and after a quick but much less awkward hug, left Liam and Jackson to get the amps and everything else they’d need. Jackson was quieter (which was already out of character enough for him) but it threw Liam off guard when Jackson passed him his book bag.

‘You should talk to her.’ Jackson said as the got into the car.

Liam’s throat felt like a solid piece of metal suddenly. He gripped the bag tight and snapped his seatbelt on.

‘It’s—‘

‘None of my business. I know.’ Jackson said, ‘If you don’t you’re gonna feel like shit later. Trust me. Talk to her.’

The punk didn’t raise his voice or look away from the road for a single second as he spoke.

‘Is your mom…’ Liam wasn’t sure how to frame the question and the words jumped out of his mouth all the same.

‘She’s in Paris.’ Jackson said as he took a sharp turn.

‘Paris.’

‘Then Rome, Seoul, maybe Tokyo. Probably be back for the holidays this year.’

‘She travels a lot.’

‘Always has.’

‘And you…don’t get along?’ Liam asked. Jackson shot him a look then went silent. Liam guessed he blew his chance.

‘We get along fine. When she’s around.’ Jackson’s old tone was back and Liam was relieved it wasn’t aimed at him.

‘I can count the number of birthdays she’s been to on one hand. And I’m counting video calls.’ Jackson said. ‘And your mom… fuck, kid—get some god damn answers from her. Parents do all this shit, not thinking about how any of it can affect the world around them. Especially their god damn kids. And they expect what, we owe them for doing the most basic shit? Or they get a free pass because they’re our parents, even if they did a shit job. You know who can hold her accountable? You. Ask her. I know you’re pissed.’

‘I’m not…’ Liam bit down on his lip. The taste of blood and sting of pain sank into him.

‘I know you are. How could you not be.’ Jackson was quiet. Liam was quiet. The car was loud.

Maybe Jackson was right. But there was too much for Liam to balance, he would have to look at the letters later. And consider what Jackson was saying. In the meantime he wanted to practice more, but knew that Kira probably hid the guitar while he was off getting needles “almost” stuck into him. Once Jackson dropped him off and the car screeched off Liam was surprised to find the place empty.

‘Hello?’ Liam looked out the window—Brett’s car was gone and Kira had then doing a ton of stuff to prepare, so maybe everyone went out to do their thing. Liam’s thing was supposed to be Hayden’s prom date and be a good, obedient boy until Kira gave the signal (which none of them exactly knew specifics about since Kira just gave everyone who asked a look and told them they would definitely know. Which made Liam picture a giant cake with sparklers on it. But knowing Kira it wouldn’t be anything remotely cake-oriented. Probably).

A voice caught Liam’s attention, along with faint guitar. He would recognize Theo’s voice anywhere. As Liam walked up the stairs he tried to focus on the words the punk was singing. Theo’s voice was different than usual, but still the same. Maybe because there was less thinking when people were singing, or maybe it was just some unique Theo trait, but there were no filters or barriers in the words. The emotions were clear and strong, even if they scrambled up inside Liam’s heart when he heard them.

Liam came to a stop and listened to the lyrics Theo was singing—something he’d never heard before, but Theo was pouring himself into the song. When different verses repeated several times Liam got the sense that the punk was opening the valves of his heart and just emptying out everything inside to the songs. As he dared to lean forward, Liam caught sight of Theo and had to remind his lungs to breathe.

Theo was sitting on the edge of his bed, cradling the guitar in his arms, fingers furiously moving. Eyes closed. Lips moving as he sang. Sweat pouring down his bare chest. Pink hair dark and clinging to his skin. Liam imagined he must have been playing the entire time he’d been gone at the tuxedo fitting. The words Theo sang snagged something deep in Liam and dragged it close to the surface. Theo was so strong, fierce. But he could be tender and gentle at times. But this was beyond all of that, buried down past everything that the punk carried around with him. The same hidden part from the other week in the secret hideout that Liam was probably not supposed to see, but the words and the emotion behind them called to him. Told him to look, to see Theo.

Liam only realized he’d been staring when the singing stopped. Theo looked up to where Liam stood, an open moment free of fear, but also uncertain what the next few seconds would bring. And Liam had no idea what to say, or do. So he opened his mouth to say the first thing that came to him.

‘Can you… teach me that song?’ Liam’s voice strained. He thought about clearing the emotion from it, but then decided not to. After all, Theo had but everything inside of him outside, in private, and he had overheard it. So that meant Theo should get at least a glimpse of what Liam was feeling.

Theo set the guitar aside and went quiet. His head hung forward, making his hair hide his face. His eyes. But he felt stable, still, quiet.

Liam stepped into the room. His hands found his own guitar, or the one he’d been practicing on with Kira (and was thankful she didn’t hide it after all). Liam sat on the chair in front of Theo, guitar at the ready. Prepared to learn and share whatever it was Theo was holding inside.

Theo looked up, cautious and curious. Liam didn’t know how one person’s eyes could be so pretty. And suddenly Liam wanted very much to ask Theo to go to prom with him. Except it would ruin the plan. And Theo might say no. But they were friends and sometimes friends went to dances together. But Liam wanted to be more than friends. What if Theo said no? The more he thought about it the less clear it seemed. Maybe he would just ask and see what happened. But first there were other things to take care of.

‘Oh wait.’ Liam set the guitar aside, then took his shirt off and chucked it on the floor.

‘Now I’m ready.’ Liam picked the guitar up. Now he was just as vulnerable as his friend. His good friend. His… Theo.

‘Sure thing, Killer.’

Theo’s expression changed in an instant, a soft grin breaking out on his face. He shook his head slowly as he picked his instrument back up and held it.

‘Like this.’ Theo demonstrated by placing his fingers. Liam copied him. It was a lot easier than it used to be before. Maybe Kira was right—he had improved.

‘Great. Now this.’ Theo showed him three more positions. He would play them together, then wait for Liam to do the same.

‘See? Not that hard.’ Theo smiled.

‘Yeah. Now the words.’ Liam said.

‘The words.’

‘I can remember them, I think. If you show me.’ Liam said. Theo paused for a second, then started to teach Liam the song. Even speaking the lyrics Liam could hear the emotions just below the surface. Barely contained. Did Theo really believe the things he was saying? Mean them? It was possible. Theo’s lyrics could often be very literal, but other times when he was playful they could be twisting metaphors, especially when it came to his own songs.

‘I think I got it.’ Liam whispered as he made the shape of the words and chords in his mind.

‘Give it a go.’ Theo leaned on his guitar as he watched with uncertain curiosity.

Liam strummed a bit, clearing the air, then dug into the song. He kept his eyes open but looked down, towards Theo’s fingers as he played. Some of the lyrics hit close to home and it was impossible to keep his heart out of them. As the song came to an end he couldn’t help it—his eyes darted up to Theo’s as he finished off the last part of the song. Theo looked different. More. Pleading somehow. Something just beyond Liam’s grasp of understanding. Then it all crashed down as Nolan poked his head into the room.

‘Holy shit! That was good… is that what you practiced with Kira?’ Nolan asked.

‘Theo taught me.’ Liam said as he set his guitar aside. Theo leaned back on his bed, defences back in place.

‘Liam.’ Nolan said.

‘Yeah?’

‘Liam.’ Nolan’s tone shifted. Liam looked at his friend. Nolan pointed directly at Liam’s tattoo.

‘Oh no. Nolan—‘

‘Liam has a tattoo!’ Nolan yelled at the top of his lungs. In ten seconds Theo’s room was jammed with literally everyone in the band (and in the house) asking non-stop questions about Liam’s tattoo. Liam glanced at Theo, pleading for help. Theo gave him a smile and slipped through their friends into the hallway. Liam signed. He never pictured this happening as the result of a tattoo. He actually had never pictured getting a tattoo, so maybe it was all fine. He’d have to wait until after dinner to speak with Theo.

No one knew where Theo was, and Liam was worried. He’d skipped out on discussing the Big Plan over pizza with the rest of them, though Kira assured Liam that Theo was absolutely, definitely going to be at prom. So maybe Liam could ask him to be his long distance prom date when they got there. If Theo showed up. Which Kira did say he would. But Theo wasn’t always predictable. Though this was a Very Important Event, so it didn’t seem likely that Theo wouldn’t show up. The whole thing made Liam frown, because why was he getting so tangled up in it when whatever happened was going to happen. He frowned more when the answer came from somewhere inside, that he was avoiding thinking about his mom. And his dad. But of course he was. His dad hated him for who he was. His mom had run away because she didn’t want anything to do with him. The only people that helped him were his friends. Theo. Where did Theo go off to all the time, anyway?

‘Liam, do you need help with your tux?’ Danny’s hand rested on his shoulder.

‘Oh. No I think I’m okay. Maybe.’

‘Alright. I’ll leave it here.’ Danny set the tux down on the bed. Theo’s bed.

‘Hey, Danny. Do you think Theo’s gonna show?’ Liam immediately felt stupid for asking.

‘Probably. I mean, I dunno if it’s cuz he wants to help or he just knows it’ll be a shit storm and he loves attention, but can’t picture him missing it. Why?’

‘I dunno.’ Liam started to change into his tux.

‘Did he say something?’

‘No. He’s just acting different.’ Liam said. It was hard to place exactly what was off, but Theo wasn’t quite the same as he always was. Maybe part of it was that they were better friends and Liam was seeing sides of Theo he usually didn’t. But that didn’t seem to explain the more frequent disappearances and absences Theo was taking lately.

‘I guess he hasn’t been hanging out as much. I never thought about it with everything going on.’ Danny stood up and helped Liam get his tie on.

‘You ready to do this?’ Danny asked.

‘No.’ Liam looked at himself in the mirror. With his hair combed back and all cleaned up he looked odd.

‘You like?’

‘I look like I’m going to church.’ Liam frowned. Danny laughed.

‘Not with hair like that!’ Danny stepped back and assessed, ‘Looking pretty fucking slick, actually.’

‘Really?’

‘Damn right. Theo’d probably cream his jeans.’ Danny smirked.

‘What.’ Liam felt his face burn suddenly. He’d never get the blushing under control.

‘Dude, your face. Don’t worry. It’ll all be cool. And if something happens, we all got your back.’

‘Thanks.’ Liam smiled. Danny was good at cracking through Liam’s nerves and worries. And with everything going on that night, it was something Liam really needed.

‘Okay.’ Liam grabbed his guitar case. ‘Let’s go.’

The school was lit up like a beacon in the night. Dozens of cars were coming and going, along with several limos. Kira and the others all went in a big pink limo, but Liam had to go in a smaller car with Hayden and her date (Liam thought his name was Alex or Alec but he was too shy to ask again now that he’d forgotten). But the thing that made him nervous was right outside of the entrance into the gym where all the teens were gathering for the dance, and that was all the members of his old congregation, led by his father, holding anti-LGBTQ+ sings and waving them around, yelling awful things at everyone going in. It did make Liam feel a bit better when he saw that the vast majority of people weren’t responding well to messages of hate. One or two kids even yelled back at the adults, telling them to fuck off. Kira had given them all strict orders not to engage, though. Which was fine with Liam, since walking by would be hard enough.

Mr. Hale was nearby, watching over the entire affair with a cold, unmoving stare. Liam actually thought it kept most of the people at the edge of the “protest” quiet since an angry Mr. Hale didn’t seem like someone that they would want to deal with. He’d tried to make sure the prom was safe and open to every student, however the administration wanted to seem diplomatic and reached a compromise with some of the church accepted as volunteer chaperones. Not something anyone was happy about. And it was something that Liam hoped they could use to their advantage, even if his hands were shaking at the thought of everything that was going to go down.

‘Liam.’ Mr. Hale smiled when Liam approached. Liam reached out to shake Mr. Hale’s hand (the only acceptable form of male contact according to Liam’s dad). At the same time he took the small key from Mr. Hale’s palm, then stuck it in his pockets. After that he started to walk inside with Hayden and Alec

‘Liam. Liam Dunbar! You get over here right now.’ The voice gripped his guts and forced him to turn before he could stop himself. His dad was glaring at him, but besides the intensity of anger directed at Liam, he looked clean and composed. Put together for his “big night”. Liam turned back towards Hayden.

‘If you turn your back on me, on the Lord, then it’s over Liam. You’ll be excommunicated. And disowned.’

Liam turned back again. This time his dad had a smug look on his face. And all the anger that Liam had inside bubbled up to the surface. But as he looked at his dad, it settled once more. Being mad here was pointless. There was nothing his dad could do that could reach him. Nothing he could offer to make Liam even want to know him, or to connect beyond the fact they were related by basic genetics. This person was not good to him. Or good for him. And all the things he’d done, Liam didn’t know if he could forgive exactly, fully. But right now he did know that inside he felt as much for his dad as a stranger passing on the street.

Liam stepped away and went into the school. He was faintly aware of his dad yelling and screaming at him, but it didn’t matter. He was done.

Liam watched all of the couples dancing together, talking, mingling. His dad was on the other side of the gym at the back at least, though the other church chaperones were scattered all around. Liam saw Nolan and Brett, Mason and Corey, Kira and Malia, all in different spots throughout the gym. When Kira said Chimera was playing, Liam thought that he’d see them up on the stage, so it was a bit of a surprise to see a DJ up on stage, and all the Chimera band members, not. And also dressed in nice, fancy clothes.

There was no time to worry though. Liam was a free agent, which actually worked out well for Kira’s plan. All he had to do was unlock one door and prop the other open. Now that the dance had been going on for twenty minutes or so he made his way to the back of the room. A quick glance to Hayden and Mason was all it took. They slowly moved in place behind Liam to keep watch.

Liam opened the side door to the stage and propped it open with a sandbag—fairly inconspicuous, but it would give them access without worrying someone would close it up. Next he went down the long hallway, making sure to drop the door kicks on the way so nothing would block them when they came in.

Liam pushed the back door open. Theo smiled back at him, catching him off guard.

‘Hey Killer.’

‘Hey.’ Liam blinked, then took in all the gear Jackson and Ethan had piled up. They started to carry it in, moving past Liam.

‘Take a right at the end then a left.’ Liam said over his shoulder. He picked up his guitar and looked at Theo for a second. Usual torn jeans, ripped up Chimera shirt that had been seen together. Fresh pink hair. Bright eyes. Lips. Chest.

Liam shook it off.

‘You look good.’

‘You, too.’ Theo said.

‘Oh I have to change.’ Liam said as Theo tossed him his backpack, then the hand-me-down leather jacket. ‘Thanks.’

As they caught up with the others Theo spoke.

‘So Kira said we’re gonna do your song first.’

‘But I’m supposed to go last.’

‘She thought it might be better for your…nerves? Or something.’

‘Oh.’ Liam mentally cursed Kira—she probably meant to do this from the start. But it was fine. He could do it. Maybe. Probably.

‘What’s the song?’

‘Uhh, I can’t say.’ Liam said.

‘Secret song, nice.’

‘Well, I picked it out. For you. Kinda?’ Liam mumbled.

‘Liam Dunbar, I am flattered.’ Theo chuckled.

‘What’s so funny?’ Jackson asked as they got to the tech room. Liam fished out the key to unlock the door.

‘Liam picked out a song for me.’ Theo said. Jackson raised an eyebrow.

‘Please don’t tell people that.’ Liam could feel the future embarrassment shining down on him like a small sun, heating up his cheeks.

‘DJ is paid off. Kira says we just need to hook in, everything else is set up.’ Ethan read off his phone.

‘Go change while we set up.’ Jackson told Liam.

‘I’ll come with.’ Theo said. Liam clutched the jacket as they went back down the hall to the gym locker rooms. Liam checked to make sure no one was around before he started to wrestle with his tie.

‘Here.’ Theo was in front of him suddenly, fingers twisting and undoing the noose around Liam’s neck. Once it was off Liam got out of his shirt fast. It was only when he realized he was down to his underwear that he was basically stripping in front of his crush. Theo said nothing, but turned around to face the wall. Liam sighed in relief and pulled on his jeans. He grabbed the torn up tank Theo had shoved in his bag and put it on, then the jacket over it all.

‘Look pretty good.’ Theo peeked over his shoulder. ‘Look good in a tux, too.’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘They’re kinda stuffy, yeah.’

‘Umm, I kinda wanted to talk to you. Before prom. But you were gone, and then I got busy with the song. And then—‘

‘What did you want to talk about?’ Theo’s redirect was gentle.

‘I just… was wondering. You said we were friends.’

‘I did.’

‘Okay. Good. That’s real good.’

‘That’s it?’ Theo smirked.

‘No. There’s more. I was wondering, if you wanted to like, go to prom. With me.’

‘As friends?’

‘Yes. No. Well, yes. But maybe more? Like really good… friends?’ Liam stumbled over the words.

‘So not a date.’ Theo was very close suddenly.

‘No, not a date. At all. I mean, maybe a little bit like a date. If that’s okay?’

Theo’s smile was real, one of the good ones that Liam loved to see. Like he couldn’t hold it in even if he tried.

‘Sure. Yeah. A bit like a date.’ Theo said. Liam reached out and cautiously took Theo’s hand in his own. They stood there, listening to the music outside on the dance floor, not speaking. Theo’s hand was warm and rough and there. And very Theo. It made Liam smile.

‘What?’ Theo asked.

‘Is this first base?’ Liam asked. Theo snorted so hard Liam thought he hurt himself.

‘Liam—‘ Theo started to lean in, stopping when loud cheers came from outside the locker room.

‘That’s our cue.’ The pink-haired punk said, ‘You ready?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Come on.’

The lights were hotter than Liam imagined they would be. He held his guitar in front of him and peered down—His friends and other punks from the underground shows had formed a line blocking people from getting through to the stage, or to the back where the power was. The kids were all cheering at the rebellion.

‘This place has started to suck lately.’ Theo spoke into the mic. Kids cheered. ‘So tonight why don’t we shake all this bull shit off and NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK!’

The gym went wild. Liam saw the chaperones scrambling to get the kids “under control”. Mr.Hale and several other teachers were having off the to side, keeping out of it all, but keeping an eye on things.

‘Things are gonna get a little fuckin’ wild!’ Theo yelled into the mic with a huge grin. He looked over at Liam, then made room. Theo squeezed Liam’s shoulder as he passed.

‘Get ‘em, Killer.’

Liam stood in front of the mic. The crowed got quiet. There were so many faces, so many lights. Liam closed his eyes and took a breath. He looked over to Kira. She nodded. Brett gave him a wink.

Liam opened his mouth and hammered on the guitar. Quick pace, high energy. Loud lyrics. The crowd responded immediately and started to dance. Liam sang as loud as he could, feeling the rawness of his throat that was going to be a price he paid later. As he sang the words, the heat of embarrassment flooded his face. He’d explicitly told Theo this song was for him, and the message was pretty clear. His eyes scanned the crowed and caught a flash of pink hair. Theo was there, beaming up at him and going wild with the rest of the crowd, right at the edge of the stage. As Liam shifted chords, Theo looked up. Liam didn’t know what the exact expression was, but he knew it made his heart race and his voice reach an intensity he hadn’t gotten to before as they hammered through the last half of the song. Liam could feel the music, feel the flow of everything unfolding around him. He didn’t think. He knew what he wanted to do without a second thought.

The song came to a crashing end, and without skipping a beat Liam set his guitar aside and leaned down, helping Theo up in one swift, fluid motion. When his lips crashed into the punk’s, Liam’s heart thundered. The gym went wild. The outrage of the chaperones was drowned out by cheering. But all Liam could see, could feel, was Theo’s lips. His rough hands feeling the soft, short side of Liam’s hair.

‘Let’s get outta here.’ Theo’s voice was thick. Heavy. He hauled Liam off the stage but the hand, leaving the other band members to keep going. Kira must have thought this was a possibility, since they stepped in smoothly and started the next song. Liam wasn’t able to process much beyond he basically just hit on Theo. Kissed him. Held his hand. And now they were going off together. The fact that he did all of that in front of his old church, in front of his father, seemed unreal. But inside he was soaring—he reached farther than he’d ever dared, and the world didn’t come crashing down around him.

‘Where’re we going?’ Liam asked as he got in the car.

‘You’ll see.’ Theo smirked and tore out of the parking lot. As they drove Theo’s hand found his, holding it gently.

They didn’t go far. Or at least it seemed like that, but it was hard to gauge with everything going on inside, and the break neck speed that Theo drove at. Liam was a surprised to see a closed mini-golf course sprawling out before them.

‘Come on. This place is great.’ Theo stood beside the chainlink fence. Liam accepted the boost and watched as Theo leapt up and hauled himself over. On the other side, Liam followed Theo to a small, brick building. Theo opened a panel and flipped a switch that turned on the lights of the course.

‘Up here.’ Theo took Liam’s hand and guided him towards the very large replica of the Eiffel tower. A ladder in the middle opened up to a small platform inside. Liam was surprised to see a cooler, a sleeping bag and blankets.

‘Secret spot?’ Liam asked.

‘My last one. Best view when it’s warm. Look.’ Theo came up behind him, chest pressing to Liam’s back. ‘Leaning Tower. The pyramids. That other building that looks pretty famous. Uhh.. Mount Rushmore. That one kinda sucks because… well we can talk about it later.’

Liam looked out over the golf course—light mist made the golden light of the attractions soft and warm.

‘It’s beautiful.’ Liam said. When Theo didn’t respond, he turned. The punk had a sullen look on his face. Uncertainty didn’t look good on Theo.

‘All of that, the song, the kiss… you mean it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Even after how I treated everyone. And all the things I’ve done.’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re Theo.’ Liam knew it wasn’t really an answer but it was all he had at the moment.

Theo rubbed his hands on his jeans and looked off at the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

‘All that stuff, do you really wanna do that?’

‘Shit yes.’ Liam said, causing Theo to chuckle. The voice inside of him, his dad’s voice that screamed what he felt was wrong and bad, reared up for a second before Liam quashed it once more.

‘Liam—‘

‘I want to do sex stuff. With you. Just to be clear. Right now, I mean. Not like later. But also, later too. If you want. But I want to right now. If that’s okay.’ Liam mumbled.

Theo pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him.

‘Tonight, we can do whatever you want, Liam.’

‘Not Killer?’

‘Just Liam. My Liam.’ Theo’s voice was soft in his ear.

As Theo’s rough hands slipped up under Liam’s shirt, he knew that after that night nothing would be the same. There would be no going back. After tonight, everything would be different.