Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This is a list over Kageyama Tobios likes, in no particular order.

1. Volleyball
2. Milk
3. Making lists
4. His parents (?)

This is a list over Kageyama Tobios dislikes, in no particular order

1. Change
2. Studying
3. Failing at volleyball related things
4. His parents (?)

The reason for his parents' spots on two contradictory lists was simple: He loved his parents, but his hate for change was greater than his love for anything. When his parents had announced that they were moving from his childhood home in Sapporo, to an insignificant, small town in Miyagi, his parents had been put on his list over dislikes too. He knew it was irrational, and that change was a natural part of life. That’s what his therapist had said. But even the thought of ripping out all of his routines from the ground by the root made him uncomfortable, angry and scared. He’d even have to get a new therapist! What if there were no therapists in… He couldn’t even remember the name of the town. That’s how insignificant it was.

However, Tobio wasn’t stupid. He knew that there was nothing he could do to change their minds. His father had gotten a job offer in Sendai he just couldn’t refuse, and with his mother’s love for small towns they had decided to settle in a town an hour away by train.

And while it wasn’t spoken aloud – not to Tobio, at least – it was like killing two doves with one stone. The passing of Kageyama Kazuyo had deeply affected him. He had practically grown up in Kazuyo-san’s backyard. He spent his summers, weekends and afternoons with his grandfather playing volleyball, not having to say anything.

They were on the same wavelength, and for a long time Tobio was deeply convinced that Kazuyo-san was the only one who would ever understand him.

He could see where they were coming from. Moving away from Sapporo was moving away from the memory of Kazuyo-san. As it was, Tobio couldn’t walk around where he grew up without being reminded of him, being swallowed by intense grief.

And so, Miyagi called.

It was horrible, really.

-

Supersetter7: My parent’s just told me we’re moving to Miyagi.
Supersetter7: -___-

-

Tobio had been an odd kid, he was told by his parents. He barely responded to his own name, he didn’t make eye contact, he didn’t use his hands to communicate, he didn’t babble and he didn’t initiate hugs. When he didn’t even attempt talking at turned three years of age, his parents knew something was up. They were right in their assumption that something was up, and Tobio had been diagnosed with autism.

To Tobio, it hadn’t made any difference at the time, not that he could remember. He supposed it had made some difference to his parents, though. At least they had some general directions for their son, some general guesses they could make if something was going on, if something was wrong.

However, the older Tobio became, it made more and more difference.

Once he started elementary school he realized how different he was. It was difficult to start school with a ton of kids when his only method of verbal communication was repeating what his classmates said back to them. It was difficult when he melted down because everything felt wrong, because the lights were hurting, because the seams of his t-shirts were rubbing just wrong. It was difficult when the teachers thought he threw tantrums over nothing. It was difficult when he made weird, repetitive motions. It was difficult when he didn’t understand the make-believe games the other children played.

Despite being so young he knew they hated him.

It started when they refused to let him play with them during recess because he was stupid.

It continued when the other children stole his stuff, knowing it would result in a meltdown.

It continued when Tobio invited the whole class to his birthday party, and no one showed up.

It continued when the other children would rather get reprimanded than tell the teacher who gave Tobio the bruises on his body.

It was driven home when one of his classmates invited everyone to his birthday, except for him.

So he gave up trying to be their friend.

It was a lonely existence.

-

big cat: wow, an emoji. you must hate miyagi lmao
sugar cube: ah, really? i live in Miyagi. a lot of people here do, actually!!
Sawamura: I do too.
orang birb: woahhhh!!!!!
sugar cube: do you know where?
Supersetter7: I can’t remember. Sorry.
Supersetter7: It’s an hour away from Sendai.
orang birb: I LIVE AN HOUR AWAY FROM SEWNDAI!!!!
sugar cube: maybe we’ll meet in a tournament?
Supersetter7: Maybe.

-

When Tobio was eight years old, he had walked into the living room. His grandfather was watching a sports match. He had always been surrounded by volleyball, Kazuyo-san being a retired coach – but he had simply not cared. Until now, watching the match on TV. It was entrancing. He stood there and watched.

“Kazuyo-san, can you teach me?”

“Of course.”

A rare smile appeared on his face as he nodded fervently.

Within months he knew everything that was worth knowing about the national volleyball team, he was quickly becoming better and better, and he had even shown interest in joining a team.

This cemented itself as on the first successes in Tobio's life.

-

There was a limit to how much his parents wanted to listen to him talk about volleyball, he learned.

He was fourteen when he started looking for someone to talk about volleyball with.

His middle school experience hadn’t really differed a lot from elementary school. People had stopped openly bullying him. This didn’t mean he was less lonely. People remembered how he had been in elementary school, even though he had worked hard to fit in with the other kids. He didn’t dare reaching out, in fear of being ridiculed, and no one reached out because he was weird.

He had one thing now, that he didn’t in elementary school, though: A volleyball team!

He was on his middle school team, but none of them were as invested in what was objectively the best sport in the world. Some of them even skipped practice! Besides, they didn’t really like him. They thought he was weird, mostly for the same reasons at everyone else. He didn't mind, he could learn how to play volleyball without them. His coach said he had a lot of talent, and that he could probably go pro, but he would have to go to a high school with a good volleyball program, because his middle school really didn’t care about volleyball. They went to tournaments, but most of them didn't have their hearts in it, leading to mediocre placements. Furthermore, most of the school's funding went to the baseball team, casting volleyball in its shadow. This, coupled with the nonsensicality of baseball, made Tobio strongly dislike baseball.

Because of his teammates almost non-existent interest for volleyball – which was weird, considering they were volleyball players – the solution to his problem of needing someone to talk about volleyball to was the internet. It turned out to be a lot of volleyball fans on the internet. From all over the world. He’d even joined a Japanese server that was linked to one of the sites he’d found! It had taken him time, but he had gathered the nerve to send a message to the server.

Supersetter7: Hello, volleyball fans. What is the optimal way of learning how to jump serve?

Immideatly after sending the message, he closed the tab, his chest filling with anxiety. It was stupid and irrational. The worst case scenario was that no one would answer, and then he could just leave the group chat and never return. He spent five minutes agonizing and trying to ignore his anxieties before he opened a new tab and entered in the address of the website.

sugar cube: @big cat @big cat
sugar cube: i’m not good at jump serves but @big cat is
big cat: you have to jump, I guess. its kinda hard to explain over text
orang birb: i dont even know how to serve a normal serve ……. !!
Supersetter7: Yes, I concluded that one has to jump to do a jump serve.
Supersetter7: How do you not know how to serve?
sugar cube: are u a setter, @Supersetter7?
Supersetter7: Yes, and I’m good at it.
orang birb: i just suck at it. B U TY i am practicing to become good at serving!!!!!
big cat: aha. whats with the seven?
Supersetter7: I have met seven cats in my life.
sugar cube: ??? you’ve met seven cats in your entire life
big cat: that’s not a lot. did you pet them
Supersetter7: No. Cats don’t like me.
Supersetter7: What position do you play?

-

orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: this is my cat inu!!! she is very cute!!
orang birb: now uve met  8 (!) cats
Supersetter7: Your cat is named Inu? That’s dumb.
orang birb: it was my little sisters idea!!!!!!! nt mine
orang birb: u have to change ur nick to supersetter8
Supersetter7: I haven’t met her. I’ve only seen pictures of her.
orang birb: ok then,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, dumbass.

-

Tobio liked talking to the people in the server. He wouldn’t deem them friends per se, but they were as close as he’d ever get. They didn’t talk as much about volleyball as he would like, but he supposed it was normal. Granted, if Tobio could decide everybody would be talking about volleyball constantly.

Middle school graduation came and went, and with that came the inevitable relocation from Sapporo to the Insignificant Town, and with that came an entirely new high school, in an entirely new town.

Aoba Johsai High School towered in front of him.

He nervously gripped his messenger bag as he looked around. People were walking together in groups, probably with their friends from middle school. They were headed to the school gym, to partake in a welcoming ceremony, so he followed. When he got there he found a seat in the back, and made sure to have at least one seat between him and the person closest to him.

He zoned out, even though he was probably missing out on a lot of important information, but everything stressed him. The people. The noise. The new place. The people.

His anxiety sat in his throat and felt like it was of the size of a tennis ball. He was so, so close to snapping.

So zoning out was better.

After the ceremony was over, they were divided into classes and off they went to their classrooms, where more information was shared by their homeroom teacher. His teacher seemed like a nice lady, just out of university. Enthusiastic. Kind off pretty, maybe, with bangs and shoulder length black hair.

“Enough about the school. I want to know you. I want each and one of you to give a short introduction, name, where you’re from and an interest? And we’ll start over here.” She said, pointing to the guy by the door. That was far enough away for him to prepare what to say.

Maybe a little too much time.

By the time they were halfway to him, he’d started stressing about what he was going to say being stupid, the possibility of him stuttering or otherwise messing up, or him forgetting what to say. His foot was jiggling under the table like crazy. When they reached him, he stood up a bit too quickly, and said “K-Kageyama Tobio, Sapporo, I like volleyball,” before sitting down.

The introductions were obviously not enough. The teacher wanted them to go into groups and do some of those dumb ice breaker games. He hated it so much. He barely participated, but he tried at least.

When the bell rang for lunch, he was stopped by the door by his teacher calling out his name. He sighed. He had really hoped he would get out by now. He turned to look at her, and she beckoned him over. “Kageyama-kun,” she started, looking around to see if everyone had left. “I know it can be hard with a new place for someone with your… Condition. I want you to know that you can always come to me if there’s something bothering you. Or the school psychiatrist. Okay?” He nodded, and walked out of the room.

He found a secluded place by a tree for his lunch. His mother had packed him a bento box with a little post-it note that said Good luck! He started eating, enjoying the much wanted peace and quiet. It was quickly destroyed by a shadow appearing in front of him. He looked up to see two boys, one with middle parted hair and one with hair styled to stand straight up. He vaguely recognized them from his class.

“Do you want to eat lunch with us?” the one with the middle parted hair asked.

Not particularly, he thought. “Okay,” he said instead.

They sat down beside him and started eating, the three of them falling into silence.
“I’m Kindaichi, and this is Kunimi,” the one with the weird hair said as he gestured to Kunimi.

“Kageyama,” he answered curtly.

“We know. Are you going to try out for the volleyball team? It’s a really good team, so it’s hard to get into. The third year setter is crazy good.”

“I’m a good player, so I know I’ll get in.” At this, Kindaichi raised his brows and looked at him.

“Huh. What position do you play?”

“Setter. What about you?” he said, as he looked up from his bento box and over at the two others.

“I’m a middle blocker. Kunimi is a wing spiker.” Kunimi nodded as to confirm the statement.

“Cool. Then I can toss to you.”

“I suppose you can,” he smiled. The conversation continued, mainly between Kunimi and Kindaichi, but Kageyama was just glad that someone had actually sat with him and talked to him.

-

This is a list over people Kageyama Tobio likes, in increasing order

3. Dairy farmers
4. His parents
5. Oikawa Tooru

He had arrived at volleyball tryouts along with the two other first years. They had seemed to know many of the people already there and had greeted them accordingly. When Kunimi saw his mildly confused face he explained:

“We went to middle school with a lot of them.”

Tobio nodded understandingly and continued looking around in the gym. It was huge, a lot bigger than his old middle school gym. There were also many more people. But, applying what he knew about this high school – that it was a volleyball powerhouse – he imagined that everyone on the team cared about volleyball as much as him. It made him giddy, knowing that he finally was with someone who loved the sport and actually wanted to play and talk about it.

Suddenly, a volleyball slammed down on the court in front of them.

He looked over at the other side, to see a boy grinning with his hands on his hips, and a serious, maybe a bit mad, looking boy. The first one had brown hair that looked perfectly styled, and the other had short, spiky, black hair. He supposed these had to be the crazy good setter and the ace.

“Hello!” the one to the left sang “I’m Oikawa Tooru, setter and captain of the team,” he nudged the other one, “Iwa-chan, introduce yourself.”

“Iwaizumi Hajime, vice-captain and ace.”

“Welcome to Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club!” Oikawa cheered, "We will be doing tryouts, and we will not be accepting people who don’t take this seriously and only joins because it seems fun. Volleyball is fun, but it is also a matter of life and death!”

Iwaizumi smacked his head, “Shut up, dumbass! It’s not a matter of life and death,” he paused for a moment, “But we do take it seriously.”

Tobio’s heart was singing. He thought he would never meet someone who cared as much about volleyball as him, but here he was – right in front of him. Oikawa Tooru had said that volleyball was a matter of life and death, and Kageyama could nothing but wholeheartedly agree. Some of the people around him looked kind of unsure, like their heart really wasn’t in it as much as they thought.

He'd fit right in.

-

Supersetter7: My new school has a good volleyball team.
Supersetter7: !
sugar cube: aw that’s good to hear!
orang birb: r the players all fwah and gwah?!?!?!
Supersetter7: Yes, I suppose so.
big cat: what does that even mean…
orang birb: it means fwah and gwah
orang birb: can u not read???
big cat: big words coming from someone who doesn’t even know what a mithrocondria is
big cat: setter-san, how do you even understand what he’s talking about
Supersetter7: It makes sense.
orang birb: why would i need mihrocondiras or whtever!!!!!!!!!!!!
sugar cube: -___-
orang birb: sorry !!!!
Supersetter7: Sorry.

-

Practice was grueling.

He never thought he would see the day when even he thought practice was tiresome. But it really, really was. They were only two weeks into the school year and practice, but he was tired to the bone. Coach Irihata was relentless, but it’s because he wanted them to become the best. He went a little easier on the first years, though, and this was why Tobio sat on the bench with Kunimi and Kindaichi drinking water. They were talking about something. English, maybe?

Tobio on the other hand, was busy watching Oikawa and Iwaizumi doing spikes. Everything seemed so effortless. Oikawa’s tosses seemed to find their way to Iwaizumi so easily, like they were meant for him, and him only. He was impressive in other respects, too. His jump serve had him shaken to the core. When he jumped, he looked like he was flying. The ball always slammed into the ground with a loud wham.

There was nothing he wanted more than to learn how to jump serve.

“Hey, Kageyama. You’re staring,” Kindaichi said as he nudged him in the side with his elbow.

“Oikawa-san is really good,” he said absently, instead of replying with an actual answer. “I want to learn his jump serve.”

“Well, then you should ask,” Kindaichi stated flatly. “No harm in that, right? He’ll probably be super flattered too. He loves attention, y’know.”

It was true. Oikawa really did love attention, at least as Tobio noticed. He always had a girlfriend, he loved being taken pictures of, he always talked to people, whether it be about himself or something else.

“Iwaizumi is good, too,” Kindaichi mused while following Iwaizumi with his gaze. His spiking form was exemplary, powerful.

Tobio hummed in agreement. He looked at the watch over the door that had been caged in to avoid stray balls ruining it. Thirty minutes left of practice. The first years’ pause would probably end soon, and when practice ended Tobio was going to do two things:

1. Practice some more
2. Ask Oikawa to teach him his jump serve

The two things went hand in hand, at least a little bit.

When practice ended he stayed around, practicing his tosses while waiting for the rest of the team to filter out. When the gym was empty, save for him, Oikawa and Iwaizumi he went up to Oikawa with a ball in his hands and looked him in the face.

“Oikawa-senpai, can you please teach me how to do a jump serve?” He bowed deeply, scrunching his eyes together. He heard Oikawa take a deep breath.

“No way, I’m…” he started, before being interrupted by Iwaizumi barking his name. Tobio straightened and looked at Oikawa, who rolled his eyes, “Not right now, I’m busy, Tobio-chan!” Kageyama nodded. Not right now wasn’t a no. It was a maybe later at best. He turned to continue practicing.

He’d just have to continue asking.

-

Kageyama rarely gave up. He was relentless.

This led to a number of thing but the most pressing matter was that Oikawa’s ‘maybe later’ had evolved to curt ‘no’s and ‘moron, I don’t wanna’s. However, as known by anyone, Tobio didn’t give up. So Oikawa’s whining ‘no’s that sounded like jokes to him wouldn’t stop him from trying to learn.

Especially since today was a good, good day. Tobio had played in a match! Granted, his tosses were nothing like Oikawa’s, and his serves were okay plus. But he had played. That was all that mattered. With his newfound confidence in his abilities, there was a spring in his step as he walked towards Oikawa.

Tobio had done his routine – it had become a routine at this point, a month of doing something led to that – wait for everyone to leave, practice and ask Oikawa to teach him.

Oikawa’s gaze was empty as he looked at Tobio.

“Why would I help someone who will be a threat in the future?” Kageyama blinked confused at him. A threat? Oikawa considered him a threat?

“I don’t know…” he answered honestly, confusion evident in his voice. “Can you please teach me how to do a jump serve?” he asked again.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp sting in his cheek.

The ball he had been holding dropped out of his hand, and now it rolled away from them. Oikawa had just hit him. Or, slapped him. Iwaizumi was upon them the moment he sensed Oikawa would lash out, but he had been too late. This resulted in a red mark on Tobio’s cheek, and a wide eyed look of realization on Oikawa’s face.

This wasn’t the first time Tobio had been hit. He had been hit many times before, in fact. A young Tobio with bruises on his body wasn’t a rare sight. The amount of times he had come home on the verge of tears couldn’t be counted. The amount of times he’d cried in his father’s lap as his mother cleaned his wounds was innumerable. The amount of times his mother had fruitlessly tried to talk to the school administration about Tobio being beat up was too high a number.

For some reason Tobio really couldn’t fathom, it hurt a lot more now, though. The one who had hit him wasn’t some classmate that hated him for being different and dumb. The one who had hit him was Oikawa. His senpai. He was supposed to guide him, be his friend. Not hit him.

“I think you should leave,” Iwaizumi said to Tobio, who just nodded. So do I, he thought. He touched his cheek as he walked towards the club room, dazed and distracted.

As he walked home, he contemplated what had happened. He knew he had crossed a line this was evident. And Oikawa had told him no many times, so really, it was Tobio fault. Things often were his fault. He had, after all, spent his entire childhood friendless as a direct result of him being weird and stupid. He and his parents had, after all, moved to a whole new place because he couldn’t handle the grief of losing his grandfather.

 Maybe slapping him was kind of overreacting, but it was a clear message. Tobio needed clear messages to understand.

-

Supersetter7: Suga-san, I am very sorry to bother you, but what does it mean when your senpai hits you?
sugar cube: i’m sorry?? your senpai hit you?
sugar cube: are you being bullied?
Supersetter7: Yes, he hit me. No, I am not being bullied at the moment.
sugar cube: at the moment?? are you implying you have been bullied?
Suppersetter7: Yes.
sugar cube: : (
sugar cube: why did he hit you?
Supersetter7: Because I asked him to show me how to do a jump serve.
sugar cube: that seems like a slight overreaction but ok
Supersetter7: I have asked him a lot. When I asked today he said that he didn’t want to teach someone who would become a threat later on.
sugar cube: how much have you asked him?
Supersetter7: At least once a day.
sugar cube: hm
sugar cube: that may seem like nagging to a lot of people. i don’t like that he hit you, but maybe you should just leave him alone for some time?
Supersetter7: It was more of a slap. But all right, I will leave him alone.

-

This is a list over people Kageyama Tobio likes, in increasing order.

4. Dairy farmers
5. Kindaichi Yuutaro and Kunimi Akira
6. His parents
7. Iwaizumi Hajime

Please note that Oikawa Tooru has been replaced by Iwaizumi Hajime.

There were several reasons for this.

The first being The Slap, obviously.

The second being that after The Slap, Oikawa had started acting… More childish around Kageyama. He called him idiot a lot. He called him Tobio-chan almost all the time.

The third being that it was a necessity. Tobio had to leave him alone, ergo he had to not like him anymore. You wouldn’t want to spend time with someone you don’t like. Even though Oikawa’s place as favourite person had been revoked, Tobio still greatly respected him and thought that he was one of the best volleyball players he had ever witnessed. It was a necessity.

The fourth and final reason was that after The Slap, Iwaizumi Hajime – now reigning champion of Tobio’s list over people he likes – had started treating him kindly. Iwaizumi would teach him stuff here and there, and he would cheer for him when he did something good, and he would occasionally treat him to popsicles.

Tobio mulled over this while staring out of the window during class. The third-year class Oikawa and Iwaizumi was in had gym outside in the sun. They seemed to be on a water break, and they were joking around with some of their classmates. They seemed really happy. Tobio wondered how such a nice guy could be friends with such an insufferable guy as Oikawa. Proximity, he supposed. Or maybe Oikawa was nice when he was little. When their break was over, Tobio couldn’t stop staring at Iwaizumi. He was so… Sporty. Athletic. He wasn’t on good at volleyball, he seemed to be good at all sports. The sport they were playing now was obviously not volleyball - it was football - but Iwaizumi managed to excel in it.

Come lunch, he was seated Kindaichi and Kunimi. He liked them. They liked volleyball and were somewhat good at it, and they weren’t mean. All good in his book.

“Hey, Kageyama. Why did you stop asking Oikawa to teach you his jump serve?” Kunimi asked while looking curiously at Tobio .

“He asked me to stop.” It wasn’t technically a lie, but it wasn’t technically the truth.

“Really? And you stopped? Sorry, but that doesn’t seem like something you’d do.”

Tobio just shrugged. “It’s okay. I learn by looking at him.”

-

In a surprising twist of fate, Kageyama Tobio had been invited to a party.

An actual, real life high school party. With alcohol. And people. And music. And sex. And people. So many people. At first, he refused. Parties were everything he loathed packed into one, horrifying night. But the trait Kindaichi and Tobio shared was their relentless stubbornness, and when he said that he really wanted Tobio to be there, he felt a twisting in his gut. No one had ever wanted him to be with them before. So he said yes.

He was not entirely sure who the host was, but Kindaichi assured him he would introduce them. He was a friend of Kindaichi, and he had said yes to Kindaichi bringing someone – that being Tobio.

When the afternoon of the day the party was going to be held came, he was stressing a little bit about what to wear, because you couldn’t wear athletic clothing to a party, and stressing a lot about the party itself.

Supersetter7: Hello, what are you supposed to wear at a party?
big cat: depends. is it a house party?
Supersetter7: Yes, it is.
big cat: aha. just casual clothing.
Supersetter7: What does that entail?
orang birb: ooouououhhh setter-san is going to a party!!
orang birb: is it a real party with alcohol and girls?
big cat: uhh, jeans, a nice sweater or hoodie, some fun socks?
Supersetter7: Thank you for your help. I think I have a pair of fun socks.
Supersetter7: Yes, @orang birb. It is a real party with alcohol and girls.
orang birb: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

He rolled his eyes and locked his phone. Fun socks. A hoodie. Jeans. He could do that. Minutes later he was wearing black jeans, a red hoodie and a pair of socks with volleyballs on that he’d gotten for Christmas from his mum last year. With this he deemed himself ready for the party.

Armed with a few cans of beer stolen from his parents, he made his way to the convenience store the three of them had agreed to meet at, and together they made their way to the party. He was told a little about the host, Kataoka Yuji. He was on the football team, liked math and hip hop music. Tobio tolerated math, perhaps even liked it. He obviously didn’t like it as much as volleyball, but it wasn’t his worst subject. He supposed they could talk about math, but when he said that he was told that you couldn’t discuss math at a party. So, he didn’t really have anything to discuss with the host, and so he was confused as to what he was supposed to talk about. The conversation flowed freely between the three of them… Well, mostly Kunimi and Kindaichi. Tobio was busy internally freaking out. He could feel his heartbeat going a hundred miles a minute.

It only got worse when they arrived at the house. It felt as if his heart would thump out of his chest as Kindaichi opened the door and entered the house and shouted a greeting into the house. A boy about their age got up from the sofa and walked towards them and smiled broadly in greeting.

Tobio repressed the feeling of wanting to run away. He repressed the feeling of wanting to scream. He repressed the feeling of wanting to pick away his nails. He repressed the feeling of wanting to climb up on the roof and throw himself off from it.

He was nudged in the side by an elbow, presumably Kindaichi. “You all right, Kageyama?”

He took a deep breath and looked at the boy in front of him, “Yeah. Hi. Sorry. I’m Kageyama,” he waved at the boy, but didn’t offer a smile. Him smiling would probably just make things even worse.

“I’m Kataoka Yuji, nice to meet you. Welcome,” he gestured for them to come inside, and that they did. They got themselves seated in the sofa, and Kindaichi and Kunimi immediately joined the conversation.

Tobio didn’t. He’d heard somewhere that alcohol would make you more at ease in social situations, so he cracked one of the beer cans open and started drinking, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. His foot was jiggling, and in his brain somewhere he was aware that he was bothering people with it, but he didn’t care. He felt the sofa dip beside him, and when he looked to his right to see who had dared to impose on his panic induced drinking it was the blessed sight of Iwaizumi Hajime.

“Hey, Kageyama,” he said and smiled reassuringly.

“H-hey,” he muttered, tightening his grip around the can.

“Your first party?” When Tobio nodded, he hummed in understanding. “I think it’s really fun. A chance to let loose and not care.”

“Is Oikawa-san here too?” At this Iwaizumi scoffed, and Tobio shrunk a little bit on himself.

“Don’t care about him. He’s just afraid and dumb. Just try to enjoy the night, yeah?” He got up from the sofa, and sent him a reassuring smile before going over to some friends.

-

These two things had increased as the night went on:

1. The amount of beer Tobio drunk
2. The amount of people in the house

The beer really didn’t do much to quell his anxieties, so right now he sat outside on the back porch with his head on the table. He was possibly a little too drunk, and Kindaichi and Kunimi had disappeared a long time ago, doing god knows what. When the air inside had become suffocating and the voices of the people at the party had seemed like a wave that drowned him, he had to step out. Relax a little bit. Sober up. Contemplate on how the fuck he was supposed to get home.

Suddenly, a water bottle was placed in front of him. He looked up at the person who had placed it there. Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi with his amazing spiking form, his wise and encouraging words, his buff arms, his good grades, his nice smile, and his bi-

“Drink up. You seem a little too drunk.”

He almost gulped down the entire water bottle in one go. “That’s true. I am really drunk,” he said, elongating the last word.

He heard Iwaizumi laugh above him. “How ‘bout we get you home? How did you even get here?”

“I walked with Ki-Kindaichi and Kunimi. I dunno where they are now.” Iwaizumi hummed. It was silent for a while, “I can walk you home.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would. Come, now.”

He helped Tobio get up on his feet, checked if Tobio had his phone, wallet, keys and backpack, and off they went. Tobio leaned heavily on Iwaizumi, talking the whole way through, mostly about volleyball.

“I’ve never heard you talk this much,” Iwaizumi said during a lull in the conversation. Kageyama laughed and looked up at him.

“D’you wanna know a secret?” he asked, a dumb grin on his face.

“That depends. Is it your secret?”

“Yeah, and nobody knows about it,” he stopped walking, and tried to straighten so he could look Iwaizumi in the eyes. When he lost his balance even doing this, Iwaizumi gripped his arm to prevent him from falling. “Yeah. What is it?”

“I’m autistic. That’s why I don’t talk so much. Don’t like it. It’s super dumb to talk,” he said seriously, looking at Iwaizumi.

“Aha,” he offered. He looked at him again, “Come on now, let’s continue home.”

“Okay, Iwaizumi-senpai!”

-

Supersetter7: Helllo volleyballers Ihave a dilemma
Supersetter7: problem
Supersetter7: Iam in lobe
orang birb: r u drunk :0
Supersetter7: YRS!
Supersetter7: And im love
sugar cube: that’s good to hear! wanna tell us who it is?
Supersetter7: The vice captaim og our team
Supersetter7: Hes so hot and hes so nice to me
sugar cube: he sounds very sweet
Supersetter7: Iim so gay
sugar cube: me to, buddy
sugar cube: try to get some sleep, okay?
Supersetter7: ok <3 <3
orang birb: an emoji!!!!!!!!!!!!1 :0000

-

sugar cube: hey, i don’t know how much of this you’ll remember tomorrow morning, but if you’re ever wondering about anything in relation to being gay and on the volleyball team ( and possibly in a relationship with a teammate ;D ) you can just ask me. me and sawamura have been dating for one and a half years now, and we’re both on the same team. don’t be shy. Good luck <3

-

When Tobio awoke the next day he felt like he’d walked to hell and back. He was exhausted, his head hurt, and his mouth felt dry and disgusting. This, however, did not the sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized what he’d said yesterday. He hid his face in his hands in shame and groaned.

“Hey, honey,” he heard from his door opening. He looked up and saw his mum standing there with her arms crossed over her chest, “Did someone drink a little too much yesterday?” she teased.

She entered his room, and sat down at the edge of his bed. She stroked his hair reassuringly.

“You know, me and your dad won’t be mad if you drink. But that does mean you have to drink responsibly, and not steal our beer. You were lucky Iwaizumi-san could walk you home.” He huffed, and looked at his mum, pouting. “And if you ever do exceed your limits, just call me or your dad, okay? We’ll come get you. We’re just happy that you’re socializing.” He nodded, and took her hand to hold it.

“I told Iwaizumi-san. About… The whole autism thing,” he said carefully, while examining her hand. Her nails were a bit long.

“Oh, really? What did he say?”

“Nothing, really. Do you want me to fix your nails?”

She hummed and looked down at him, “I’d love that. Come down when you’re feeling better, okay? Try to sleep,” with that she got up and walked out of the room.

That went significantly better than he thought it would. He had never really discussed alcohol with his parents, so he thought they would be angrier. Now he just had to do damage control on everything else.

He unlocked his phone, and when he read the message he had gotten from Suga-san, he smiled. He was so thoughtful. Carefully, he started crafting a reply.

Supersetter7: Hello. I don’t remember that much, but I do remember that I told you. I don’t think I realized I like him before yesterday. He took care of me and walked me home. He is really handsome. I’ve never had a crush before, so I’m surprised. Thank you for thinking about me, I will ask if there is something.

One down, one to go.

He hadn’t received any messages from Iwaizumi, and he was unsure if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

To: Iwaizumi Hajime
10:27
Hello. I am sorry for anything I said yesterday, and I would greatly appreciate it if what I said could remain between us.
Kageyama

Now he just had to wait. Before he knew, he’d fallen asleep again, and he awoke two hours later, feeling much better. He got up from the bed and put on some clothes, before going downstairs to the kitchen. There were no one in the kitchen, but he could hear sounds from the living room, indicating that his parents were watching TV. He poured himself a bowl of cereal, before going into the living room and sitting down in the sofa between his parents.

“What are you watching?” he asked in between bites.

“Don’t speak with food in your mouth,” his mum scolded. Kageyama just rolled his eyes. “We’re watching a movie. How are you feeling?”

“A lot better. I texted Iwaizumi and asked if he could not tell anyone,” he said.

“Iwaizumi-san seems like a nice guy, I’m sure he’ll do that,” his father said. “But you don’t have to be ashamed of it. It’s what makes you you.”

Kageyama scoffed at the sentiment, “Whatever,” he said and got up to put the bowl in the dishwasher. He felt his phone vibrate against his thigh, and when he looked at the phone he saw that Iwaizumi had answered.

From: Iwaizumi Hajime
12:43
I won’t tell. Don’t worry. You feeling good? You were out of it yesterday.

He smiled at his phone, his gut filling with butterflies. He really was sweet.

To: Iwaizumi Hajime
12:45
Hello. Thank you. I feel good. Thank you for taking care of me yesterday.
Kageyama

From: Iwaizumi Hajime
12:46
You know you don’t have to sign your name when you’re texting right?

To: Iwaizumi Hajime
12:47
It is a good habit to have.
Kageyama

From: Iwaizumi Hajime
12:47
lol

-

The school year sprinted past. He spent a lot of time with Kindaichi and Kunimi, sometimes practicing, sometimes being tutored by them, and sometimes just hanging out, playing games and joking around. Tobio almost dared call them his friends.

The mildly uncomfortable but very enjoyable knot in his tummy when he saw Iwaizumi continued growing. He relished in the little conversations they had. He’s spent several nights thinking about Iwaizumi. The one time Iwaizumi was absent from practice because of a mild cold, he actually, unironically thought ‘What is the point of being here without Iwaizumi?’ He had shut that thought down fast, pushed it down to the recesses of his mind, because frankly it was embarrassing. He had liked volleyball on its own for many years already, Iwaizumi couldn’t be allowed to become integral to his enjoyment of volleyball.

In other words, he was in too deep.

Confessing was pointless. Iwaizumi was most likely straight, and even if he wasn’t, he would probably have a boyfriend already. Not to forget that Iwaizumi was graduating soon, and with that came university, moving away and probably getting a girlfriend. Or boyfriend.

He reflected over this as he walked from the gymnasium to the club room. He’d stayed late practicing, even later than Iwaizumi and Oikawa, who had disappeared half an hour ago, leaving him to clean up alone.

What he witnessed when he opened the door to the club room wasn’t scandalous per se, but it was rather shocking to him personally. Oikawa sat at the bench in the middle of the room, with his leg stretched out in front of him. Iwaizumi sat in front of him, massaging his knee. His bad knee, Tobio realized. He’d picked up from Iwaizumi that Oikawa had a bad knee due to over-extortion, which had later been confirmed by Kunimi and Kindaichi.

“… I care about you, Tooru. Don’t be so hard on yourself, ‘kay?” Iwaizumi said. He got up to place a peck on Oikawa’s mouth. “I love you.” Oikawa smiled gently, and burrowed his face into Iwaizumi’s chest.

“I love you too, Iwa-chan.”

It was such a tender moment, it almost felt perverse to be watching. Tobio slowly retreated and closed the door silently, pondering on what to do for a moment. Well, it turned out that Iwaizumi wasn’t straight. However, his second assumption that he had a boyfriend had turned out to be correct. So he wasn’t available anyway. It was bitter, but it would make it easier to get over him.

The door behind him opened.

“Ah, Kageyama. You’re here?” Iwaizumi asked, somewhat surprised. Tobio had turned to look at the door when the door opened, so right at that moment he just looked dumbly at Iwaizumi.

“I’m gay?” he blurted. He blinked. Wait. He wasn’t supposed to tell him that. He blushed almost scarlet as he looked at Iwaizumi’s shocked and confused face.

“Sorry. I wasn’t gonna… Say that.”

Iwaizumi just hummed.

“Did you see me and Oikawa in there?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. When Tobio only nodded, he narrowed his eyes. “You can’t tell anyone about what you saw in there. We value our privacy,”

Tobio looked scared up at Iwaizumi, “Of course! I would never do that.”

“Good. Now go get changed. It’s getting late.” Tobio nodded and hurried inside. He was so busy looking at his own feet he almost ran into Oikawa. He made a small sound of mild distress and continued towards his locker, narrowly escaping Oikawa’s wrath when Iwaizumi called for him.

That was… Something, he solemnly thought.

-

He was exhausted.

It had been an exhausting day. Practice had run longer than usual, the third years trying to cram in as much before the upcoming tournament and Tobio had never been one to turn down extra practice.

Despite his bone deep exhaustion, despite his limbs aching he couldn’t sleep. It was well past midnight and he couldn’t sleep.

He couldn’t sleep because exactly one year ago, Kazuyo-san had died.

He’d done fine during the day. Better than he expected, really. He supposed the safety of having his friends and his team around helped ease the pain he felt.

He wasn’t doing as fine now. He felt the grief maw at the marrow of his bones, hollowing him out, but he knew if the thought about him he would lose it. So his thoughts strayed, and he allowed them to dwell on Iwaizumi, he allowed them to dwell on his crush.

He supposed most people would have been more shocked at understanding they were gay, but for him it had only felt natural. Or inevitable, more so. He was already defying societal expectations, he was already weird and so different from everybody else – what was one more?

-

When the third years graduated there were a lot of tears. None spilt by him.

They had arranged a little get together in their gym, and when the third years entered and saw the balloons hung up and the cake made by the first and second years, Oikawa promptly burst into tears. He sniffled as he ate his piece of cake and wailed about how much he loved his ‘precious little kouhai’.

After that they played a small game, third years versus first and second years, in which the third years promptly beat them to the ground. Tobio swore he could see the shine of tears in Iwaizumi’s eyes.

When the last practice with the third years ended and spring vacation officially starting, it really hit him. He had survived his first year of high school, and he had survived without being bullied, ostracized, or made fun of. Not counting Oikawa of course, because he was a dumbass. He had even made friends. He walked up to Iwaizumi, who was currently consoling a sniffling Kindaichi. One would almost believe that Kindaichi also had a crush on him. Kindaichi walked away after a while, and that left Tobio and Iwaizumi alone – well, partly alone.

“You can hug me,” Tobio informed, “In case you want to.”

Iwaizumi smiled. Tobio really loved that smile. It was small, like it was a secret between the two of them. He opened his arms and enveloped Tobio in a hug.

“I’ll miss you, Kageyama,” he pulled away and looked at him. “You’ll become an Olympian before you even know it. And you can always call me if you’re wondering about something, ‘kay?” He ruffled his hair, to which Tobio grimaced, “Win nationals for me.” With this he turned away to walk over to Oikawa, leaving Tobio alone.

He’d miss him, too.

-

During spring break, Tobio spent most of the time practicing.

The overwhelming majority, at least.

Sometimes Kindachi and Kunimi would join, and he’d try out some new tosses he had tried to learn. Sometimes the three of them would just relax and have fun. They went to a beach one day to go swimming, under the strict pretense that no volleyball was to occur. Sometimes they’d all be invited to parties. Kageyama was sure they were all pity or courtesy invites, so he rarely went. That, and all the people. But at least he was invited, that in itself was a step forward.

But most of the time he practiced. He had really taken the comment about becoming an Olympian to heart. He wanted to become the best, to wow the entire world with his volleyball skills.

He practiced a lot.

Coach Irihata smiled approvingly at him when school started again, with the third years gone and a pile of new first years who had to be taught the ropes. Coach told him that he was going to be the starting setter.

It was exhilarating, but terrifying. He had big shoes to fill. Not only was Oikawa a good volleyball player, in the sense of him being good at the game itself, but he was also excellent at knowing the team and keeping them together. He excelled in his role as the control tower of his team.

Tobio had to be as good – if not better.

The only way to get better was to practice.

It felt so good to be praised by the coach and his friends. It felt so good to see the look of awe the first years had when they saw him play. His chest almost burst with joy when his coach smiled at the three of them after a particularly hard and amazing play. Kunimi had set the ball to Tobio, who acted as if he was going to spike it, but instead he tossed it to Kindaichi, who sent it into the other side of the court with a satisfying slam.

“Good job. Kageyama, continue like this and you’ll become a right king of the court, with Kunimi and Kindaichi as your knights.”

Kageyama thought that the analogy was weird, but it made him so happy that he smiled. It was tiny and wobbly, but it was there.

After practice the three of them sat in Tobio’s bedroom. His mum was very ok with him randomly getting guests, she was just happy that her son was finally having friends over. They laughed at the thing coach Irihata had said, about him being a king. It was such a weird thing to say, it sounded so… Old fashioned.

Tobio felt warm. He really enjoyed the company of Kindaichi and Kunimi.

-

In the beginning he practiced with Kindaichi and Kunimi. They’d spend mostly as much time after practice with him, maybe leaving a bit before. After a while they started leaving with the others, and it frustrated Kageyama beyond any rational thought, because they had all the potential to become the best volleyball players in the world, if they just put some effort in it.

In the middle of the school year, during one of the rare times the other two stayed after to practice with them, Kunimi missed a toss and Tobio turned to look at him,

 “It’s not that hard. I know you can do better. Try,” he said gruffly, grimacing at how it sounded. He hadn’t meant for it to sound so… Mean.

But he caught a flash of emotion in Kunimi’s eyes, and he couldn’t place it. Hurt? Betrayal? Constipation? He really didn’t know. Tobio almost always had problems with reading people but reading Kunimi was even more of a challenge. Guessing his feelings was mostly just throwing spaghetti at a wall and hoping that something stuck.

Kunimi just rolled his eyes and muttered a “Whatever,” before he turned and went to pack his things. Tobio bit into his lip, wondering if he should say something, or apologize but before he could say anything Kunimi was gone, and he’d taken Kindaichi with him.

After that, they stopped practicing with him altogether.

It would be okay if practice was the only thing they dropped, but more often than not he’d see them hurry out of the classroom just as the bell rang, not even looking at Tobio. Their groupchat died a slow death, first with the two of them only answering with one-word sentences and vague ‘maybe’s, and then outright ignoring him. Tobio left the groupchat after four unanswered messages. During one of the team practices, he heard them planning to go eat ramen together afterwards at the same shop they used to go to. During a class break he heard them talk about how hard it had been to study for the upcoming test, and that’s what they used to do.

So Tobio was not okay, because if they’d only drop extra practice with him, he could chalk it up to them being tired, but when they had dropped their entire friendship, it hurt. The ache he’d gotten to know so well during his entire life before started appearing again, the ache of loneliness, but he could blame no one but himself.

He really didn’t know what to do. They didn’t want anything to do with him, whenever he tried to talk to them, they looked disinterested and like they wanted to leave the conversation. He had even stooped as low as trying to smile at them, and that made them look vaguely disgusted.

He wished he’d never said anything. He wished he had made them believe they were the best even if they weren’t. It was better than being lonely. He wished he’d never learnt to talk. Ever. He wished that when he had gotten his diagnosis his parents had just sent him away to some home in the forest that he could run away from and die and never be found and never be missed and and and and…

Tobio was not okay.

-

This is a list over things Kageyama Tobio hates, in increasing order.

3. Spoiled milk
4. Anxiety
5. Incompetence

He really, really hated incompetence. He might have seemed arrogant because of that, but nothing pissed him off more than when someone who was supposed to know what they were doing had no clue what they were doing. It pissed him off even more when he put so much time into being the best at what he did, and other people didn’t even try.

Now that him and Kindaichi and Kunimi officially weren’t friends anymore, he could be more open about his disdain for their utter apathy towards the sport, and their incompetence relative to what they should know. If that made them hate him, then so be it, because he didn’t care. He couldn’t care. They wouldn’t be the first. They weren’t the first that hated him.

So he trained, to the point where the coach had to pull him aside and warn him about not over extorting himself.

He was on a break – one he didn’t need, according to himself – when he overheard the two of them talking. He had gone outside to fill his water bottle but stopped in his tracks when he heard their voices.

“… He’s turned into a monster. I hate him,” Kunimi said. He heard Kindaichi scoffed.

“King of the court? Yeah, right,” Kunimi laughed.

“I mean, kings are often tyrant, so it’s not too far off. Too bad he doesn’t have his knights anymore, huh?”

He didn’t want to hear anymore. He slipped inside again, went to the coach and said that he felt sick. It was true, at least. He felt like he was going to puke any second. His coach looked at him, and came to the conclusion that he really was sick.

“Go home and rest, Kageyama-kun,” Tobio nodded, and went to get his things so that he could go home.

It was stupid that his affected him so much. It was all his doing.

I deserve it

-

Supersetter7: Everything is bad.
sugar cube: ???
Suppersetter7: Sorry. Nevermind.

[DELETE MESSAGE: Are you sure you want to delete this message?
Supersetter7: Everything is bad.
Cancel                              Delete]

Chapter Text

It was like something switched within the team. It was like they had all made a groupchat with everybody except for Tobio, where they had agreed to be cold and mean to him. Actually, that wouldn’t be too farfetched.

Whenever he did something wrong in practice, he heard scattered snickers and mumbles about how ‘even kings can’t be perfect’. No one talked to him outside of the strictly necessary, and even then, it seemed like they tried their best to limit that as well.

It was dumb. He felt dumb, because when he got home after practice, he really struggled to not shed any tears, to not cry.

He’d survived fifteen years without friends before meeting Kindaichi and Kunimi, he’d survived being lonely before. He could survive being lonely a little more.

It was a bold-faced lie. He knew that. He wiped away the tears on his cheek and stared at the room in front of him. His two… Friends had left their imprint on his bedroom. There was a poster of Kunimi’s favourite band on his wall. Kindaichi had forgotten one of his mangas. Everywhere he looked he saw them, and he couldn’t bear it.

He could do nothing to stop the tears from running. His biggest problem with this return to loneliness was that before he’d never had any friends. He had nothing to compare to, so being lonely was okay. He didn’t know anything else but loneliness. But now he had learned how it felt to have friends, how it felt to have people who liked you, and he had to ruin it.

He gasped for breath and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, willing the tears to stop.

I deserve this, he repeated as a mantra.

-

The amount of time he spent talking with his internet friends saw a drastic increase. He spent especially much time talking to orang birb. Tobio wasn’t that big a fan of his chatting style, but he was nice, if not a little bit overenthusiastic. Their conversations were kind off mundane. They talked about volleyball, Inu the cat (stupid name - good cat), school, food and manga. They never talked about personal stuff, and Tobio liked it that way. He was wary of letting anyone close, of telling anyone anything about himself, because the last time he did he ended up hurt, and he wanted to avoid that. That was why no one in the chat knew him as anything else than Supersetter7 or Setter-san. But he talked to them, and he enjoyed it.

He was talking to orang birb during a break between classes, a tiny smile on his face as he read the rant he’d been sent about how much he hated math, which quickly evolved into something else.

orang birb: LOOK AT WHAT MY LIL SISTER DID TO INU!!!! o(*´д`*)o
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: my poor little baby <////////3

“Hey, Kageyama. Who’re you talking to?”

He looked up at the one who’d talked. A classmate he never really had talked to. Mizutani, his mind helpfully supplied. Tobio narrowed his eyes suspiciously and locked his phone.

“Your girlfriend?” he said mockingly, and there were people behind him snickering. Kageyama felt like he was missing out on something. What was the punchline of the joke? Why were they laughing? Were they laughing at him?

“No…” he started warily, “It’s my friend.”

“Friend? You have friends?” They were still snickering behind him. Right. They were laughing at him, and he was the punchline, somehow.

“You know, I talked to Kunimi and Kindaichi. Cool guys. They told me some interesting things about you, king.”

Oh. Okay.

He pressed his lips to a thin line. He repressed the urge to shove his pencil into his eye. He repressed the urge to bang his head against the desk until his brain splattered out. He repressed the urge to get up and jump out of the window.

He was vaguely aware of Mizutani continuing to talk to him, but he has zoned out, busy with concentrating on not doing something exceedingly stupid and impulsive.

News did spread fast.

He had never been more thankful for the bell when it rung and stopped the one-way conversation.

-

big cat: yall know what time its!!??
orang birb: what!
big cat: self doxx time 8)))
big cat: [image]
big cat: @Sawamura looks absolutely delighted to be in the presence of a god (me)
Sawamura: At least post Suga too
big cat: right of course
big cat: [image]
Sawamura: Stunning <3
sugar cube: :D
big cat: gross
Supersetter7: Why are you guys together?
big cat: we go to uni in the same city so we met up
orang birb: [image]
orang birb: im just alone with my ramen atm : ((((((((((((

Tobio looked at the picture of orang birb. He certainly lived up to his name, with his orange hair. But he was so… Handsome? Pretty? Cute? His hair was wild and stood to all sides. His jokingly pouting mouth was accompanied by a pair of big, brown eyes. And the ramen he was alone with looked… Fine..? It was just ramen. It didn’t look particularly alluring.

He had never experienced his brain short-circuiting because he saw someone so beautiful that his brain just showed him an internal 404 Error-screen. He had been attracted to Iwaizumi, yes, but that had been gradual. This? This was like Cupid creeping up on him and backstabbing him suddenly with a love dagger. Okay. He wasn’t in love. That was a bad analogy. But there was no doubt, orang birb was wildly attractive.

orang birb: @Supersetter7 how do u look!!! i bet ur handsome
sugar cube: don’t pressure him!
Supersetter7: I don’t have any pictures of myself.
Supersetter7: And no, I’m not that handsome.
orang birb: u dont have ANY pics of urself????
orang birb: not even selfies???
Supersetter7: I don’t know how to take them.
sugar cube: …
orang birb: u flip the camera on ur camera app…….?
Supersetter7: I don’t know how you do that.
Sawamura: [image]
Sawamura: @big cat thinks this is hilarious

-

This is a list of the things that kept Kageyama Tobio from drowning post Destruction of Friendship, in no particular order.

1. His parents
2. Volleyball
3. The server VOLLEYBALLERS 🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵

Even though the team had decided that he was an asshole, he couldn’t bring himself to deliberately act like an asshole. That didn’t mean he was particularly nice, though. It wasn’t really intentional. Or well, perhaps there was some intention here – to make it clear that volleyball was serious, and that he was good at it. It was getting harder for him to hold back on his true potential on the court, or at least it was getting harder for him to care about holding back. He cared even less about the phrases that would slip out when something wasn’t up to his standard. A snarky ‘faster’ when his toss was missed and a harsh ‘don’t miss it’ when someone didn’t receive his serve. It wasn’t his intention for it to always come out that harshly, it just… Did. He had always struggled with it. His impulse control was bad. When he was a kid it was even worse, which might have been a factor in his constant unpopularity. It probably was.

It was a confusing dichotomy, even for him. He was mad they sucked, but not really, and he didn’t care that they hated him for being pissy, but he really did.

The team didn’t like it when he lashed out at them, but they kept it to themselves. Kind off. They wouldn’t shut up about it if they noticed him overhearing, but they’d never start talking about it with him in the immediate vicinity.

To no one’s surprise, they lost at Spring High to Shiratorizawa.

Tobio took it surprisingly well. Of course, he was sad, but there’s always next year, and that’s a year to and that means another year of practicing and honing of skill. He thought they had the potential for a victory.

The end of Spring High meant one thing, though, and that was spring vacation. Once again, he was bitterly reminded of his friendlessness. He refused to call it loneliness because he was not lonely. Just friendless. His parents promised they’d take a trip to Hokkaido, to visit their family, but… It really wasn’t the same as hanging out and practicing with friends, like last year’s vacation. Besides, there wasn’t a lot of opportunities to practice volleyball in Hokkaido house.

He’d have to do the best out of it.

-

The new school year brought nothing exciting. Except for a tan, that was kind of cool.

The dynamic between him and the team hadn’t really changed, Kindaichi and Kunimi still didn’t want to be friends and he was still the best player and starting setter.

He had to remind himself that it was just one year left, and then he could move to Brazil if he wanted to. Not that he wanted to. But he could, that was the point.

He spent a lot of time practicing. After the rest of the team had gone away, he would stay for hours and continue practicing his serves or tosses. He was well past the point of breaking Oikawa’s record in time stayed behind after practice. The difference was that Tobio had no one that would stay with him and tell him to rest and be careful. Only when his mum called, he’d reluctantly pack and clean up and go home.

He hadn’t told her about his fall out with Kindaichi and Kunimi – and the rest of the team, by extension – but she probably had it figured out. The way she’d speak to him softly, with eyes shining of empathy and a worried smile. The way she’d make food she knew he loved. The way she never, ever spoke of them or asked why they never came around anymore.

He sometimes thought that if his parents were to inform him that they were to relocate again, he’d have no qualms about it. He didn’t think anyone at Aoba Johsai would miss him, or even notice that he was gone.

-

As a contrast to the last two years, his third and final year at high school dragged itself slowly past. It never seemed to speed up.

He developed a weird and unhealthy coping mechanism of buying milk at the vending machine several times a day. It wasn’t really unhealthy for him; milk is good for a young athlete that could easily devour a ton of food in one sitting. It was unhealthy for his wallet. Even though the milk cartons were cheap one by one, buying several a day, five days in the week quickly became a lot of money. Tobio considered this glumly as he drank a carton of milk at his desk during lunch break.

He was staring out of the window, not really looking at anyone or anything specific, just observing. He never ate at the quiet bench under the tree anymore. It reminded him too much of Kindaichi and Kunimi, and they probably still ate there. No matter how grating and loud the classroom became at lunch, he never left.

He didn’t dare.

-

They lost in the final match of Interhigh.

He felt more bitter about it than last time, because this was his last year, and this was serious. So why couldn’t the rest of the team let everything go for just a tournament so that they could win?

He wanted to win so badly.

It was maybe a week after their loss. Tobio stayed late practicing, serve after serve, until his hands were numb. He was bent over, hands on his knees, breathing hard and trying to compose himself. He distantly heard the gym door opening and closing, and he looked up at the door to see who it was.

“Oh, you’re still here,” Kindaichi said. Tobio scrunched his brows in confusion. Of course he was, he was standing right in front of him.

“Yes, I am..?” he said uncertainly, straightening up and looking at Kindaichi. “Why are you here? Now, I mean. It’s late, and… Yeah,” he finished lamely.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kindaichi huffed. He pointed to the gym bag that was left by the bench, “Forgot my bag. Good bye,” He turned to leave.

“Kindaichi,” Tobio called out, a hint of desperation in his voice. “I’m sorry.” Kindaichi scoffed and rolled his eyes, his posture stiffening.

“Don’t apologize. Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” he asked, annoyance in his voice clear as day.

“Yes..?” he said hesitantly.

“Don’t lie. You don’t know. There’s no need for you to apologize, you won’t get better and as far as I’m concerned our friendship was nothing but pity. If you can even call that being friends. Good night, Kageyama-sama,” he said and left with a bang of the door.

Oh. Okay.

In a daze, he cleaned the gym and packed up all his things, turned off the lights and started walking home. It was faster to take the bus, but he needed some time alone to think. They had never been friends. He felt a cold lump in his chest that seeped into the rest of his body. It numbed him down.

Everything was cold, and all he wanted was to feel warm again.

-

Supersetter7: [link]
Supersetter7: Look at this cool play!!
orang birb: waoooaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!!!!!!!
orang birb: I wanna do that!!
orang birb: @sugar cube next time u visit we should try that!!
sugar cube: very flattered, but that’s way past my skill level
Supersetter7: You know each other?
orang birb: suga is my super cool senpai  (❁´ω`❁)
Supersetter7: Aha. That makes sense.
Supersetter7: I don’t think I could do the play either.

-

He wasn’t sure how he managed, but suddenly Spring High was looming in front of him. There was only a week left until they’d set foot at the gymnasium the tournament was held. The only problem was the team.

If he thought the team dynamic was bad at the start of the year, it was four times as bad now. Not only could they barely keep up with his demands, they didn’t even try. They didn’t try to catch balls that could be caught, they didn’t try to jump high enough when he tossed.

He spent every team practice getting progressively more pissed off, and then having to get out his anger at the volleyball after practice instead of blowing up at one of his dumb, incomeptent, idiotic teammates.

It seemed as if they had given up at winning Spring High, but Tobio refused to give up.

-

This is a list over Kageyama Tobio’s worst days, in decreasing order.

1. That day
2. The day Kazuyo-san died
3. The day Kindaichi said they had never been friends
4.  The first day someone picked on him because of his autism

He’d tossed, and no one was there.

When the bus arrived back at the school, he was the first one out, and he started hastily making his way away from everyone else. He made sure to take an unconventional route that didn’t cross any of his teammates’ route, because there was nothing else wanted than to be alone. Several of his teammates lived in the same area as him, and he didn’t want to face them, so he spent his time walking home in an intricate and complicated way.

He was glad his parents weren’t home.

They had said that they would watch it on a livestream, but he hoped to any higher being that the livestream somehow failed, or that the internet at the hotel they were staying at failed. But then again, if there was a higher being watching over him, why would they even let his entire, pathetic life happen?

He went straight to bed when he came home, not even bothering to take of his clothes. That’s when he started to cry. He cried a lot, probably more than ever in his life. It was tiring, he felt as if even his bones were screaming out of exhaustion. He fell asleep at some point.

When his alarm woke him in the morning, he just let it continue to ring. He would rather never play volleyball again than go to school. He was sure everyone knew of his spectacular failure, and even he didn’t want to communicate with people for at least the next ten years. The thought of people looking at him made his skin crawl. The thought of people acknowledging his existence as a human being and not an abstract concept made his gut clench. So, he stayed in bed the entire day and let himself wallow.

He suppressed the urge to claw out his own eyes. He suppressed the urge to rip out his trachea. He suppressed the urge to put his hand in a blender. He suppressed the urge to dissolve his entire body in acid.

There were a lot of wants and urges he had to suppress.    

This is a list of the things Kageyama Tobio wanted to do most, in increasing order.

1. Die

He was unsure about how long he laid in his bed, but at some point he found his phone. He had one text message from his mum. It probably read something about how everything would be fine. It wouldn’t. He didn’t even bother reading it. He had no other notifications, apart from a notification from his private chat with orang birb.

orang birb: just got back from spring high. we lost. it sucks a lot.
orang birb: b u t maybe my uni team will be suuuuuper good!!!!!!!
orang birb: hello!!! omg!!! i stayed around for some while and watched some matches… and! there was a guy who has L I T E R A L L Y abandoned by his team

When he read the last message, he rocketed out of the bed and sprinted to the bathroom, just in time. He felt the cool porcelain against his skin as he dry heaved into the toilet. He hadn’t eaten anything for at least… He didn’t know. Many, many hours. It just made it worse. The thought of orang birb witnessing the utter devastation of his being, of his soul made him dry heave again. Something about the person closest to a friend knowing about this made the entire thing worse. At least he didn’t know that Kageyama Tobio, the person who had been abandoned by his team, and supersetter7 was the same person.

He laid by the toilet for some while, before returning to his bed. He reread the messages, and slowly he wrote a reply.

supersetter7: That’s bad

The reply was almost instant.

orang birb: it is!!
orang birb: i feel kinda bad for him, but apparently hes a dick???
orang birb: one of my teammates know some of the guys on his team, and he says that hes called king of the court because hes egocentric and rude and controlling
orang birb: but idk i dont know him

Except he did. He knew him very well.

supersetter7: I have to go to bed.
orang birb: its the middle of the day (´･ω･`)????????
orang birb: arnt u at school??!! did u lose too!!?? : ((
supersetter7: Good night.

Tobio turned off his phone and pulled his duvet over himself. He stayed at home for days, mostly in his bed. He refused to go to school, and especially volleyball. He slept, contemplated his life, barely ate. He stayed at home for a week, until his parents came home.

When his mum opened the door to the sight of her son wasting away in the bed, she sighed and went over to his bed to stroke his hair.

“My little baby boy,” she cooed. He sat up and enveloped her in a hug and started crying. At first it was just silent tears, but it quickly evolved into hiccups and sobs and shaking.

“Ohh, Tobio, my sweet Tobio.”

She combed her fingers through his hair and rocked him gently from side to side. They stayed like that for a while, before she pulled back and looked at her son.

“Have you eaten good while we were gone?”

Tobio shook his head. He didn’t even understand why she asked, the answer was obvious.

“Hmm… Do you want pork curry?” He nodded meekly.

“With an egg on top?” he asked hopefully. His mother chuckled, and stroked his chin gently.

“Of course, Tobio.”

-

Supersetter7: Hello, can you please send some pictures of Inu the cat?

-

He pressed his fingers to his thumb, one after one, over and over. Index. Middle. Ring. Little. Repeat. It helped him focus on something else. He repeated it in his head, never out loud. It helped him stay calm, and right now his mind was like a stormy sea. It was hard to keep calm. But pressing his fingers to his thumb, one after one, helped. Maybe I should start seeing a therapist again, he thought numbly.

He was on his way to school for the first time in a week. He really didn’t want to. He’d rather be swallowed whole by the earth and left to rot in the core of the earth. He’d rather be sent up to the moon without proper oxygen tanks.

The instant his teacher saw him, she sent him to the vice-principal’s office. He supposed it was fair. After all, he had missed an entire week of school with no notice.

This is a list over fabric types Kageyama Tobio hated the most, in no particular order

1. Crape
2. Silk
3. Organza
4. Fake leather

As fate hated him, the chairs in the vice-principal’s office were fake leather. As he sat in the fake leather chair, he pressed his fingers against the thumb faster.

“Kageyama-kun. You have missed one week of school, with no notice from either of your parents,” the vice-principal said, folding his hands on the desk, intently trying to catch Tobio’s eyes. Tobio stared defiantly at a spot above the vice-principal.

“They were away at a work conference,” Kageyama answered simply. At this, the vice-principal raised his brow slightly.

“They left you alone at home for a week?”

“Two, actually,” he replied, the vice-principal nodding slowly, his brows raised.

“Does your absence have anything to do with the Spring High and the events that happened there?”

“I suppose so,” he stated calmly. It had everything to do with it. He turned his head to look out of the window. It was a nice day.

“Kageyama-kun, I hope you understand that we take absence very seriously, especially…”

“Do I get an absence note if I’m dead?” he interrupted absently, not really registering what he had said. The vice-principal stared at him, surprised, he could feel his eyes crawling over his skin, making it feel like his skin was way too small.

“I… Do you want to die, Kageyama-kun?” he asks uncertainly

“Sorry. It was a joke.”

“You shouldn’t joke about such serious matters. I will have to talk to your parents about this,”

Kageyama sighed. He didn’t care. It was nothing new, anyway. His parents getting call because of their idiot son’s behavior was nothing new.

“Can I go now?”

The vice principal looked at him and nodded. “Just… Don’t skip class anymore. I know what happened was unfortunate, but it’s not much left of the year and you can focus on your exams. Try to get into a good school and all.”

Kageyama got up to leave. He knew that he really had to up his focus on academics. He had started studying more when his third year started, even though he had little time. And now that all the scouts had seen what a failure he was, he was very sure he wouldn’t be scouted to any schools with good volleyball programs. He just had to do really well on his exams. Easier said than done.

The rest of the day passed in a daze.

He was aware of news spreading scarily fast in a high school, so almost the entire student body knew about what he had dubbed The Event in his mind. He felt their eyes on him, it made his skin crawl and his chest tighten. When school was over, he went to the administration to quit on the team, officially. It was just a formality; it was obvious that he was quitting. The coach looked at him, lips pressed into a thin line.

On his walk home he pressed his fingers into the meat of his hand, leaving crescent marks on it.

-

Even though Tobio didn’t want to play volleyball with the team, he refused to not keep his body in shape. As a result, he went on runs. Long runs since he had more free time than before. Whenever he wasn’t studying, he was running.

It was a grey day with clouds rolling over the sky. He had stopped on the bridge over the river. He looked down at the river, mesmerized by the small whirlpools that formed and then disappeared. He wondered if anyone would find him if he jumped from the bridge.

“Kageyama!”

He whipped around and stood face to face with… Iwaizumi?

“Iwaizumi-senpai,” he said plainly.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi greeted.

“What are you doing here? In Miyagi, I mean.”

“I’m just visiting my parents. How are things?” Iwaizumi asked, smiling slightly. “Out for a run?”

“They’re… Good,” he lied “Yeah. Just running.”

Iwaizumi didn’t look like he believed him, and Tobio understood that. He would know about The Event by now, and he had probably drawn conclusions based on what went down during The Event.

He turned away from Iwaizumi, climbed up on the railing on the bridge and dropped. The wind was whipping him in the face, he was probably screaming, he was quickly getting closer to the water surface, and he wanted to be crushed against the water and buried in the river mud and –

“-eyama?”

Tobio blinked hard, and looked at Iwaizumi. He was back in reality, the reality in which he was situated on the bridge, in front of Iwaizumi, alive, and not under the bridge, dead. “I’m sorry. I zoned out. What did you say?”

“Would you like to go get some ramen? Catch up some? My treat,” Iwaizumi said. Tobio looked surprised at him, but nodded, “Yeah. Thanks, Iwaizumi-senpai.”

They headed to a small ramen shop, the one Iwaizumi and Oikawa always went to in high school, he was told. After ordering and getting their food, they spent some time eating in silence, before Iwaizumi broke the silence.

“What happened at that match, Kageyama?” Tobio stopped eating, and looked at him for some time, considering what to say.

“The team abandoned me,” he stated “They were tired of me bossing them around. They had all right to.”

“You still play with them?”

A long pause. Tobioshook his head.

“I may be stupid, but I know how to notice when people don’t want me there.”

Iwaizumi sighed.

“Look, Kageyama. You’re a good guy. You shouldn’t give up just because of this…”

“Yeah, but it isn’t ‘just because of this’,” Tobio interrupted “This is how my entire life has been. I get why Kunimi and Kindaichi got tired of me, but they didn’t have to spread it to the rest of the team and make them turn on me to.”

“Do you think Kunimi and Kindaichi spread it? Or that the team noticed themselves?” Iwaizumi countered.

Tobio stilled, contemplating it. He shrugged. Possibly. Likely. He started bouncing his right leg under the table, probably annoying Iwaizumi, but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

“I guess acting like a dick was a defense mechanism? I never meant to sound so mean but controlling my tone can be difficult for me.” He paused and considered what to say next. He’d never talked about this with anyone, he’d never put words on everything he had done and felt.

“I’ve never had friends before Kindaichi and Kunimi. Being social and things like that aren’t easy for me, they don’t come naturally. I know this. I know this and I won’t get hurt when people are honest with me, because that’s the only way I’ll improve. I think I just… Wanted them to not give up on me and tell me to stop being a dick.” He stopped and looked apologetically at Iwaizumi.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“No, don’t apologize! It’s good that you’re talking about your feelings so openly.” Iwaizumi smiled, even though he’d just had all of Tobio’s emotions dumped in his lap. Tobio silently resumed eating. They were silent for a while, before Tobio spoke up again.

“I knew they were calling me king and tyrant,” he started, not daring to look up from the noodles swimming around in the broth. There weren’t a lot left. They looked lonely. They reminded Tobio of himself.

“Kindaichi and Kunimi started calling me that as a joke. An inside joke, I mean. And since I was in on it, I found it funny. But then we started hanging out less, and it spread to the rest of the team. But to them it wasn’t an inside joke, it was just… Mocking me. I mean, I deserved it, but it still hurt. The rest of the team spread it to the school, and suddenly everyone knew that I was ‘the egocentric king’ who didn’t care about anyone, and who had anger issues and was dumb. No one talked to me, and refused to do group projects with me, and they would joke about me not having friends,”

His fingers refused to stay still. He pressed them to his thumb, over and over and over.

“I don’t know. I just… I wanted to be the best, and it made me frustrated when no one made the effort to try to win. If I knew then what I know now, I think I would have done things differently. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just… Wish I was normal.”

He looked up at Iwaizumi, who had a serious look on his face, mixed with… Pity. God, how he hated pity. Iwaizumi reached over the table to take his hand, put Tobio quickly pulled it away.

“Sorry,” he said. Iwaizumi nodded in understanding but continued to hold his hand there in an open invitation to take it.

“You didn’t deserve that, Kageyama. I know it’s easy for you to say, but even how shitty you were doesn’t justify the entire school disliking you.” He paused, seemingly thinking about something. “Kageyama.”

“Yeah?”

“Why were you at the bridge today?” he asked carefully. Tobio furrowed his brow in confusion.

“I was out for a run..?” he answered, not really sure why or what Iwaizumi was asking.

Another pause. Iwaizumi seemed to weigh his next words carefully.

“Kageyama… Tobio. Have you ever tried to commit suicide?”

Tobio’s eyes widened as he looked dumbly at his former senpai. He shook his head no. That look Iwaizumi always made when he was doubting someone crossed his face. It was the same look he had had when Oikawa had claimed his knee was fine, or when one of the guys on the team said they weren’t hungry.

“I… No. I’ve never tried.”

“But you have thought of it?” Iwaizumi countered.

“Yes,” he replied honestly.

Iwaizumi nodded. Tobio really didn’t like the turn of this conversation. He hated talking about his feelings, and even though he genuinely enjoyed Iwaizumi’s calm presence he didn’t want to continue down this conversational road.

“I think you should know that I wanna be here for you, Kageyama. Just call me, I won’t get mad or anything.” Tobio nodded and murmured an affirmative.

“Now. How do you feel about the MSBY Black Jackals-game yesterday? Lousy blocking,” Iwaizumi said, and Tobio visibly relaxed at the change of topic and launched into the conversation about something comfortable.

-

There was a letter in his mailbox, addressed to Kageyama Tobio.

The sender was Chuo University.

Tobio took it inside, put it on the kitchen table and stared at it. Its presence haunted him. He had worked so, so, so hard to pass the entrance exam. He didn’t know what to do if he wasn’t accepted. He’d applied to other universities, of course, but he really wanted to go to Chuo. If he wasn’t accepted, he would probably cry.

He should wait for his parents to get home.

He got some milk from the fridge, sat down by the table and pulled out his phone.

Supersetter7: My university admission letter arrived.
Supersetter7: I don’t want to admit it, but I’m nervous.
sugar cube: ooooh, what degree did you apply for?
orang birb: he, he, he…. setter-san is nervous : pppppp
Supersetter7: Sports science.
Supersetter7: Also, shut up, dumbass!!
orang birb: :000c wooah TWO exclamation points!!!! Someones angry
orang birb: im just messing with ya <3333333
sugar cube: don’t fight!
Supersetter7: Moron.
Supersetter7: Sorry, Suga. Not you.

He looked up from his phone as he heard the entrance door open.

“Mom?” he yelled in the general direction of the door. His mom entered the room with a few shopping bags in her hands. “Hey. When does dad get home?”

“Hey, Tobio. In an hour or so. Why?” she said as she placed the bags on the kitchen counter. He nodded towards the envelope on the kitchen table. “Ah,” she cooed understandingly, “This calls for pork curry, doesn’t it?”

“But what if don’t get in? We don’t have anything to celebrate then.”

“Then it’s a comfort meal!” she beamed, unpacking the bags, and sorting out the ingredients needed for pork curry. That made sense. He looked down at his phone again, reading over the messages sent.

sugar cube: i remember when i got my admission letter. i went over to @sawamura nd we read the together <22
sugar cube: <33*
big cat: disgustingly sweet, but ok
Sawamura: <3
sugar cube: <3 <3 <3
orang birb: S T O P
orang birb: this is like watching my PARENTS flirt!!!! ugh eww!!!

He read as the conversation unfolded with a small smile on his feature. He exited the app to send a message to his dad, inquiring about when he would get home. He answered the same as his mother, in about an hour or so. Ugh. He couldn’t bear the waiting. He groaned and let his head fall on the table.

“Mum, can’t I help you make dinner?” His mother chuckled and looked at him with a kind smile.

“Of course you can. Help me cut some vegetables, okay?” He got up to help her. Anything to help the time pass faster.

When dinner was almost finished, he heard the door open and his father’s greeting.

“Dad!” he yelled out, to a mild scolding from his mother.

“Hello,” he said as he entered the kitchen, and went to the stove to press a kiss to his wife’s cheek. “You’re strangely enthusiastic about my return home today, Tobio.”

“Yeah. I got a letter from Chuo today,” he explained. “I wanted to wait until you came home to read it.” Kageyama was fully aware of how sweetly sentimental it was, and very unlike him. He went to the kitchen table to get the letter and walked back to the kitchen bench to stand opposite to his parents. He opened the letter and started reading. His face fell.

“Oh, Tobio. It’s okay if you didn’t get in, we still love you, and…” his mother started. Tobio quickly looked up with a giant grin at his face and interrupted her,

“I got in,” he declared. He was giddy. Happy. For the first time in a long time he was genuinely happy. “Oh my god, I got in! Look! I have to tell Miwa!”

He shoved the letter at his parents, who took it and read it with a smile. He got his phone from his pocket and unlocked it.

Supersetter7: I GOT ACCEPTED!
Supersetter7: !!!!!!!!
sugar cube: congratulations :D
orang birb: UAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sawamura: I am glad to hear so. Congratulations.
Supersetter7: And my mum made my favourite food!
Supersetter7: This is a good day!

-

He graduated high school without much fanfare.

There were no buttons in his lockers, no last-minute confessions, and no graduation parties. After the ceremony he went home and had dinner with his parents and that was it. He was just glad to put that chapter behind him. He was moving on to bigger and better things anyway.

His father had a sister in Tokyo, who conveniently owned an apartment block close enough to Chuo, and she agreed to let him rent there. His parents would pay his tuition and part of his rent and otherwise he’d have to manage himself.

Under any normal circumstances the prospect of a change as great as moving to another city by himself would have him in a Bottomless Pit of Despair for at least three weeks. That’s not to say the prospect didn’t scare him. It was scary, but his hate for this town and almost everyone who lived was greater than his hate for change. He never thought he would find something he could hate more than change. Life could be surprising like that.

He spent his spring vacation moving into his new apartment. It was kind of small and cramped with questionable wallpaper choices, but it was his and his alone. He’d have to get a job so he could buy more stuff to put in it, because right now it was sort of sad and empty. His parents had helped buy the bigger furniture pieces, like his bed among others, but it was glaringly empty otherwise.

It would probably turn out okay.

-

He had spoken too soon. It would not turn out okay.

As soon as it was possible, he had signed up for volleyball team tryouts. He noted the day and set up many more alarms than strictly necessary so that he wouldn’t oversleep on what was the most important day of his life. He got there half an hour before he was supposed to, and started warming up. They would probably warm up together later, but it was better to be too warm than too cold. Besides, he had nothing else to do.

People started filling in, some of them members who were joking with each other, some of them nervous first years like him. The one thing that made him stop in his tracks was the sight of a face he knew he’d seen before. He wasn’t great at remembering faces, but after a short amount of time his brain connected. That was big cat. With his weird bed hair and wicked smile. He went to Chuo? He had to be good at volleyball then. When big cat looked at him, he quickly averted his eyes. He hated referring to him as big cat. He had to have a normal, human name, right? He wasn’t even a cat! He jogged over to where he kept his bag, and as if the day couldn’t get worse there was another familiar face. Or hair. It was the hair he recognized. Because it wasn’t enough that one person from the god damn server was on his team, there had to be two.

Orang birb was trying out for this team.

-

orang birb: omg!!! u remember that guy i told u abt??
orang birb: the one who got abandond by his team
orang birb: HES ON MY TEAM!!!
orang birb: i hope hes not as mean as ppl say he is…. n as he looks
orang birb: oh yeah and i got on the team 8 )))

Chapter Text

Tobio had made a plan on how to avoid a repeat of the farce that was high school.

1. Don’t become friends with anyone
2. Don’t talk to anyone outside of the strictly necessary
3. Don’t criticize anyone’s playing, not matter how much they suck
4. Be friendly if anyone talks to you
5. Do not slip up

It was foolproof, really.

-

It was absolutely not foolproof.

He broke several rules during the very first practice. It was pathetic, really. The rules were so simple, and yet he broke them.

He had been the first to show up to the first practice, to show the coach and the captain that he was dedicated. He had been there for a while when people started trickling in, and he just stood there, unsure of what to do. According to his rules, he should not initiate conversation. So, he didn’t. Instead, he stood there silently, watching the people. He felt his anxieties churn uncomfortably in his tummy, he felt as if he was in the wrong skin, the overhead lighting burning just wrong and the unfamiliar surroundings made it all so much worse. He pressed his fingers against his thumb. Index. Middle. Ring. Pinky. While he was watching the people around him he saw someone approach him. None other than big cat, in fact. Or whatever his real name was.

“Kageyama Tobio, I presume?” big cat said as he stilled in front of him, arms crossed over his chest with a smirk on his face. He looked kind of menacing. Tobio nodded.

“I’m Kuroo Tetsuro, vice-captain.”

“Nice to meet you, Kuroo-san,” Tobio said, bowing his head respectfully.

“You know, I’ve heard of you,” Kuroo said, and Tobio’s heart dropped. He looked up at him, his jaw clenched. “I hope you have managed to better your attitude. Teamwork is very important to us. Understood?” Tobio just nodded.

“Come on now, let’s get started!”

After a quick introduction of everyone, they started practicing. Just some simple exercises for people to get to know each other. After a while they went together in pairs to work together. A thing that seemed to repeat itself was that orang birb really sucked at volleyball. Like, really. At least, for someone who had got into Chuo it was really bad. It was embarrassing to watch, it was embarrassing to know that they were on the same team.

When the rotation had rotated enough for Tobio to end up with him, he looked at Hinata and promptly refused to practice with him. It was a matter of principle.

“I refuse to play with someone who sucks this much,” he declared while looking down at him. Orang birb looked scandalized and started sputtering his defense.

“I-I’m not that bad!”

“Yes, you are,” Tobio scowled. “You really suck.”

“Kageyama,” a voice behind him sounded. Tobio whipped around. Their captain, Iseri, stood there, looking angry. “Why don’t you want to play with Hinata?” Ah, so that was his name. Hinata.

“Because he sucks,” he said it like it was obvious. Because it was. It was pointless to waste his time playing with this charlatan, especially when his high school years had been wasted doing the exact same thing.

“Hinata-san is here for a reason, people are not offered a sports stipend for 'sucking'", Iseri-san said coldly, continuing: "If you don’t want to play with him, I can’t let you play on this team.” Tobio stiffened. Ah. “Go and pack up your things. Now.”

Tobio just nodded, and then stiffly went over to the side of the court where his things were. He picked them up and walked out of the gym.

He had royally screwed up in a shockingly short amount time.

-

big cat: ugh this new guy at our team was such a dick to Hinata today
sugar cube: @orang birb are you okay D:
orang birb: im fine!!!!! btu he really is a dick
orang birb: but our captain told him off and kicked him out!!!
sugar cube: yay good captain!
sugar cube: @Supersetter7 how was your first day?
orang birb: yeaah tell us everything!
Supersetter7: It was fine. My team is good.

-

Google

how to stop being a bad person

Google Search                I’m Feeling Lucky

-

If the only way for him to be allowed to be play with the team, was for him to show team spirit, he guessed he’d have to start at the root of the problem. Hinata. He would train with Hinata so that Hinata would become good. When Hinata was a good player, Tobio would want to play with him and by extension, the team.  

The logic was maybe shoddy at best, but it was his only idea, and he wasn’t about to not play volleyball.

His only problem was that he had no idea about where to find Hinata, or how to contact him. Tobio didn’t have Facebook. Or snapchat. Or Instagram. Or any social media accounts for that matter. Except for his Discord user, but he couldn’t contact Hinata through there. Then everyone would know that Tobio was Supersetter7 and then he would be thrown out of the server because he was a bad person. And he couldn’t make a new user under his real name and add Hinata, because that would just be creepy. He could not ask anyone on his team, because the team didn’t want to talk to him. Even if they did want to talk to him, Tobio wouldn’t know how to find them either.

So he did the only thing he could do: Constantly be on the watch for Hinata.

-

It was raining the day he finally saw Hinata. It had only been a week since his first practice, but for Tobio that felt like an eternity. For someone who had zero hobbies or interests outside of volleyball, any time spent without volleyball seemed to snail its way past. He’d even tried to take up poetry. Poetry! Granted, he gave up quickly. Of course, he had tried to fill the volleyball shaped hole in his chest by watching volleyball videos, but it really wasn’t the same thing.

So when he finally saw Hinata, he ran up to him with a horrifying speed, before stopping in front of him and bowing deep.

“I’m sorry! Please practice with me,” he almost shouted. When he straightened up to look at Hinata, his face was dumbfounded and confused.

“Kageyama-kun?”

“Yes. Please practice with me,” he repeated. “I am sorry.”

Hinata blinked confused. Looked at Tobio. And then he smiled. Tobio’s heart was beating like a colibri heart. Hinata’s demeanour changed, and he looked like he was considering it.

“Only if you buy me meat buns for a week!” he declared, which made Tobio furrow his brows, and look at Hinata with a scowl.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m dedicating my time to helping you. Duh,” he explained as if it was obvious. Well, when Tobio thought about it was obvious. Hinata wanted something in exchange for him dedicating his time to him, and meat buns were a fair exchange. Tobio sighed.

“Okay,” he grumbled. “But not sweet bean buns.”

Hinata beamed and nodded. A weird exchange.

-

They had exchanged numbers and agreed on a place and time for their practice. As it now was, Tobio had only spent a meager amount of time with Hinata, but he had learnt an important thing about him: The real life version of Hinata was not that different from the online version of Hinata. Whenever they had chatted, Tobio had been happy because he didn’t have to listen to him talk in real life because he assumed Hinata would be loud.  

His assumption had been correct.

Hinata’s online caps lock, exclamation points and excessive use of emoticons translated to Hinata’s real life screaming, jumping and general uncalmness. But he wasn’t only loud. He was relentless. Nice. Positive and optimistic. Friend magnet. In short, he was the antithesis to Tobio.

However, if there was one thing he wasn’t, it was good at volleyball. As his first observation had been, Hinata really sucked at volleyball.

He had amazing reflexes, his jumps were phenomenal and his stamina was baffling. The problem could be likened to the building of a house. One has to build a foundation before rising the walls. If the foundation is bad, so is the house. Hinata’s volleyball skills were like building a sprawling villa on a crumbling mud foundation. To say it in the simplest sense, his basics were lacking. His receives were okay, his serves lacked a lot, his blocks were mediocre and his game sense was absolutely horrendous: If a meteor landed on the court during a game, there was a non-zero chance Hinata wouldn’t notice. But what he lacked in the complete basics he made up in enthusiasm and willingness to try.

Hinata sucking at volleyball was only one part of the problem with their practice. The objective was sort of abstract: Become a better team player. How does one consciously train to become a better team player? With only one other player? It was vague at best, disheartening at worst.

But Tobio hadn’t come so far only to give up.

After the rest of the team had left, Hinata had shot Tobio an SMS, and the second he received the all clear Tobio was at the gym, ready to practice with Hinata.

It was a symbiotic relationship, really. Tobio got to train on being social, and in turn Hinata got to practice on the basics of volleyball. A win-win situation. Normally, someone’s incompetence would make Tobio seethe with rage. But there was something in Hinata that made Tobio not hate Hinata’s incompetence. Perhaps it was Hinata’s dedication to the sport, his never ending dedication and enthusiasm, the fact that Hinata’s love for volleyball was as big as Tobio’s.

The only thing Tobio was sure of was that Hinata was a lot like himself, and he kind of liked that. Maybe they even could become friends.

-

They had been practicing receives after practice. Tobio still refused to toss to him, not when he sucked like he did. It was a good principle to have, really. It was getting late and it just slipped out. After another botched receive, Tobio sighed and rubbed his forehead.
“Why do you suck so much at volleyball?” he asked exasperated.

With him being temporarily kicked off the team, he hadn’t really thought a lot about The Rules. He hadn’t had any need to, as he had no one to adhere to them for and he had already broken one. Still, now that he was practicing with Hinata, he had to be mindful about The Rules.

And so, as a result of his exclamation he realized that he’d broken a Rule. Even worse, he’d broken the same rule as last time: Rule C - Don’t criticize anyone’s playing, no matter how much they suck. He tensed and felt his throat constricting. Oh god, he really hadn’t improved. He hadn’t learned anything.

And in life’s biggest plot twist, Hinata groaned exaggeratedly and tugged at his hair:  “Shut up, dumbass! Why do you have such a shitty personality!? Set for me,” he begged, looking at Tobio with a pout. Unexpected didn’t even cover half of it. What he’d expected was for Hinata to call him King and walk away. What he’d expected was for Hinata to never talk to him again. He had never expected this. The dread that had formed in his stomach quickly resolved.

“Okay,” Tobio said. “I’ll toss to you. But not because you’ve gotten better, it’s because I’m nice.”

Hinata let out a bark of laughter at that and mumbled something along the lines of yeah, right, but he readied himself to toss the ball to Kageyama. He tossed and ran up to the net to spike his set.

WHAM!

It was an amazing spike. His jumping skills were amazing and he trusted Tobio with getting the ball to his hand. It gave him a funny feeling in his tummy.

So even if Hinata kinda sucked at volleyball, Tobio would continue to practice with him because Hinata loved volleyball as much as Tobio did.

There was one big, glaring problem about their acquaintanceship, though.

Hinata slash orang birb did not know that Tobio was Supersetter7.

This led to Tobio sitting in his apartment, eating ramen and reading messages sent to him by Hinata, about him. It was awkward at best, and horrifying at worst.

orang birb: my team is so!!! Good
orang birb: remember that guy i told u abt?? hes rly rly rly good
orang birb: i think that’s why they call him king
orang birb: hes kinda scary but not that bad tbh
orang birb: weve started practicing together

How does one even respond to people unknowingly talking about you, to you? It was a really weird situation.

Supersetter7: I like my team, too.

-

This is a list over some of Kageyama Tobio’s non-volleyball related talents, in no particular order.

1. Cutting his own hair
2. Drinking a carton of milk in three seconds
3. Cutting and filing nails
4. Picking the best berries at the supermarket
5. Not breaking the yolk when frying eggs

Tobio tried to blow his fringe out of his eyes. It was getting too long and it bothered him endlessly.

“Something wrong, Kageyama?” Hinata asked him. They were standing outside of a small convenience store with a meat bun each. They had practiced together for a long time that day and needed something to refuel their hungry bodies. Nothing better to fill a hungry teenage boy’s stomach than a convenience store snack with questionable levels of nutrition and fat. 

“My hair is getting too long,” he answered and took a bite out of his meat bun. “I’m gonna cut it when I get home.”

“You cut your own hair?” Hinata asked in awe. When Kageyama nodded yes, Hinata let out a small gasp. “That’s so cool! Can I come with?”

The question took him by surprise. Someone cutting their own hair was rather mundane, and he didn’t quite understand what Hinata would get out of watching him do it. But maybe it would be nice with some company?

“Sure,” he answered.

“Oh, that means I get to see your place, too!” he said excitedly, and then he stuffed the rest of his meat bun into his mouth.

“It’s nothing special. Just a small flat,” Kageyama answered bored, if not a little confused by his excitement over his flat. It was just a flat.

“Race you!” Hinata challenged before running off.

“Dumbass, you don’t even know where I live,” he shouted after him with his mouth full, some spilling out in a rather undelicate way.

“Doesn’t matter!” Hinata shouted behind him.

“Idiot,” Kageyama grumbled before setting off after him.

When they had made their way to his flat, Tobio locked them in and briefly showed Hinata around, before making his way to the bathroom, opening the drawer where he kept his grooming supplies, therein included scissors.

He went to get a stool, Hinata following close after and asked questions about how he could afford to live alone, why he had such terrible taste in interior, when he moved to Tokyo.

At last Tobio was sitting in his bathroom in front of the mirror, scissors in hand. Hinata sat in his tub, observing his hair clip. Tobio led the scissors to his bangs and started cutting his hair, watching in the mirror as the hair fell down onto his lap.

“Hey, Kageyama,” Hinata said before he was about to cut away another bit.

“Yeah?” he turned to look at Hinata, who had been reading the labels on his assortment of washing products. He was now looking at Tobio, Elvital Shampoo forgotten in his hand.

“Why do you know how to cut hair?

Tobio hummed. “My sister is a hairdresser.”

“You have a sister?!” he gasped. “What’s she like? Just as mean and stinky as you?”

Tobio scoffed and looked at him, before turning back to the task at hand.

“Even worse,” he threatened jokingly, to which Hinata squawked. “If she finds out you’re the reason my hair looks shitty, she’ll murder you.”

Hinata laughed and playfully threw an empty shampoo bottle in the direction of Tobio without the intention of hitting him.

A comfortable silence filled the room while he continued cutting his hair.

“She’s nice. Funny and extroverted. She moved away from home when I was still a kid, she’s a lot older than me,” Kageyama explained.

“I have a sister too,” Hinata offered: “Natsu. She’s like the little girl version of me, I’m like ten years older than her.”

“Like ten years older? You don’t know how much older you are than her? Some brother,” he said, intently watching his hair as he turned his head to look at it from new angles.

“Why don’t you go to the hairdresser?”

“I just don’t. I’ve never been.”

He’d been a time or two when he was a child, but the results were horrendous, both mentally and haircut wise, and it shook young Tobio – and by extension, his mother – to his very core for days. His mother had learnt how to cut his hair, and after a while his sister had taken over the job. Tobio enjoyed the fleeting moments he got to spend with his sister.

“Hey, Yamayama?”

“What kind of dumbass nickname is that?” he asked annoyed, but not really.

“A fun one,” Hinata rolled his eyes. “Anyways, when do you think you’ll talk to the captain about getting on the team again?” Tobio stiffened. He bit his lip.

“I don’t know. I don’t think he wants me there,” he said honestly.

“No! That’s dumb. You’re good at volleyball, and we’ve played together a lot now! I know you’re a team player, I can vouch for you!” Hinata had risen to his feet during his short outburst and looked expectantly at Tobio.

“I don’t even know how to contact him,” he mumbled.

“Just come to practice tomorrow!”

Tobio sighed and looked at Hinata.

“Fine,” he relented.

-

This is a list of things that confused Kageyama Tobio:

1. How birds know where to fly without maps
2. The rules of baseball
3. Knowing when someone could be called a friend

He was lying in his bed while looking up. The moving lights of the cars past his windows made the shadows play on his ceiling. He was fiddling with his fingers, picking at a hangnail he had forgotten to cut away when he last fixed his nails.

Last time he had had friends, they became friends through non-volleyball related activites, such as hanging out, studying, and going to the beach. Therefore, he thought, someone is your friend if you spend time with them outside of the strictly necessary and expected social arena.

The social arena in this case being volleyball practice, the potential friend in this case being Hinata Shoyou.

Hinata had visited his flat and they had talked about their families while cutting his hair, which arguably could be considered non-volleyball related. On the other hand, having too long hair could ruin his volleyball skills, as his hair could get in his eyes, and as such cutting his hair could be volleyball related.

Thinking this much about Hinata made him acutely aware of the instant pang of attraction he had felt when he first saw a picture of him. It had been one and a half year since he first was rudely made aware of his… Friend? Acquaintance? Hinata’s looks, and since that time he had done his best not to think of it. When their socialization was only limited to chatting, it was easy – but standing face to face to him every day made it harder. He felt his heart flutter, and as if his emotions were literal, he slapped a hand to his chest. He showed the feeling deep, deep down.

It had not ended well last time, and it would not end well this time.

-

He stood in front of the gym where volleyball practice was being held. He and Hinata had walked there together, and now they would enter it together. Maybe everyone would stop what they were doing to look at Tobio and hiss. Maybe the captain would beat him up. He didn’t know. He hoped none of the scenarios would happen.

He opened the door and walked in.

Nothing happened.

It was underwhelming.

“Hello!” Hinata greeted. He continued to walk in, and Tobio followed silently, a deep scowl on his face.

“Ah. Hinata,” their captain greeted. He looked at Tobio. “Kageyama-kun. I hope you’ve gotten better?”

Tobio inhaled deeply, before bowing. “I’m so sorry for how I acted. Please forgive me!” He straightened up and looked straight at the captain.

“Kageyama and I have practiced a lot recently, and he’s gotten much better! He helped me get better!” Tobio nodded.

“Well. It seems like you’ve learnt… At least something. Welcome back, Kageyama-kun.”
Hinata cheered beside him, and when their captain walked away, Hinata leapt in front of him and held up his two hands. Tobio stared at them, unsure of what to do. He looked at Hinata’s face questioningly.

“High five, Kageyama!” Hinata encouraged.

Aha. Tobio raised his hands and did just that – high fived Hinata. The sting in his palms was pleasant. He held his hands up for just a bit too long, because he was contemplating how this was the first time in his life that he had high fived anyone.

-

A month had passed since Tobio was accepted back into the team. He had added an addendum to his rules, and as such the rules now looked like this:

1. Don’t become friends with anyone (?)
2. Don’t talk to anyone outside of the strictly necessary
3. Don’t criticize anyone’s playing, not matter how much they suck
4. Be friendly polite if anyone talks to you
5. Do not slip up
6. You can talk to Hinata Shouyou

To the complete bewilderment of seemingly everybody, therein including Tobio himself, the two seemed to get along. They jabbed at each other playfully, Tobio called Hinata a dumbass, and received a moron in return. They raced each other to the gym, stayed late practicing together, ate their lunches together and studied together.

Tobio learned that Hinata studied sport sciences as well. Tobio had attended lectures, but he was too busy trying to blend in and stay calm within the huge group of people that he simply hadn’t noticed anyone else. When they realized they studied the same thing they started attending lectures and seminars together, reading at the library together and suffering through essays together.

Tobio had never been great at school. Frankly, it was nothing short of a miracle that he had ended up at a university in general, even more so Chuo university. During school he had struggled with almost everything, perhaps except for maths. It felt as if he had to put in double the amount of work than any of his classmates.

It was a pleasant surprise when it turned out that university was not like that. Taking classes he enjoyed and learning about things he was interested in gave him self confidence in his academic abilities for the first time. Ever.

He quite enjoyed discussing their subject matters with Hinata, spending time with him discussing the ins and outs of the human body in movement. It was of course the subject matter that was the most interesting, it had nothing to do with Hinata.

-

sugarcube: lunch time! lunch time!
sugarcube: does anyone wanna eat lunch w me and @Sawamura
sugarcube: we are in your area @orang birb @big cat
big cat: oooh, dont mind if I do 8)
big cat: any excuse not to write this paper is a good one
orang birb: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE WHERE WHERE!

-

Tobio watched Hinata as he typed on his phone. He never dared open the app in public, let alone their group chat. By the way he smiled at his phone, he guessed something big was happening. Hinata looked up at him.

“I’m gonna go eat lunch with my former senpais! Will you watch my stuff?” Hinata asked.

Tobio nodded, and briefly went back to his studies while Hinata gathered some of his things and left. When he had left the library, Tobio picked up his phone from where it had been lying face down and skimmed through the messages. He felt a familiar knot in his tummy while reading through it, although it felt unjustified.

They didn’t know that he was Settersan7 and that Settersan7 was Kageyama Tobio. For all they knew, Kageyama Tobio was an insufferable jerk on Kuroo and Hinata’s team – inviting him would have been odd.

Still, as he dug himself deeper and deeper into the hole of having two identities, he wished more and more for it to end.

-

Kuroo Tetsurou was not that bad after all. As time passed, they even became tentative acquaintances, especially since Hinata got on well with Kuroo and his childhood friend Kenma. Sometimes he joined them on their study sessions, and as he was a third year student in sports sciences he often had some nifty advices.

He was also a complete and utter menace, who seemed to know exactly which buttons to push to rile people up. He was perceptive on court, and in his daily life he used his perceptive abilities to wreak just enough havoc on Tobio to have him riled enough, but never so much that it genuinely distressed him. Tobio was, after all, an easy target. He was easily flustered, and he never knew if Kuroo was joking or not.

It was perhaps why he was in his current position.

After a Saturday practice Tobio was headed out of the wardrobe when he saw Kuroo talking to two figures. He walked up to them, having no intentions of stopping to talk to the strangers, but suddenly an arm was thrown around his shoulders, and he was turned to face the people Kuroo were talking to. The joking remarks of how cute a kouhai Tobio was, was completely drowned out by the realization of who Kuroo was talking with.

sugarcube and Sawamura.

“Kageyama, these are my friends Sugawara Koushi and Sawamura Daichi. Suga, Daichi, this is Kageyama Tobio.”

“Ahh, I’ve heard much about you,” Sugawara smiled at him, making Tobio’s gut twist. Someone having heard much about Tobio was never a good sign. He mumbled something inaudible in response and looked between the two. He cleared his voice and bowed his head.

“Nice to meet you,” he said. Kuroos arm was still slung around him, and he was getting acutely aware of it, tensing up. Kuroo must have noticed his growing unease because he removed his arm.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Sugawara said and Tobio felt his eyes scanning him up and down. “What do you study?” he asked.

“Science. Of the sport. Sport sciences,” he replied, stumbling over his words. He was fearing that any slip up could reveal his secret identity, reveal that he knew very well who Sugawara and Sawamura was.

“Oh, with Hinata then?”

Tobio nodded, his eyes flitting back and forth. “I have to go,” he said, gearing up to leave, get home to the safety of his room, but he was stopped when Sugawara continued talking:

“Are you perhaps coming to Kuroo’s party tonight?” Sugawara asked.

Tobio was a horrible liar, and so he replied: “I can’t, I have to do… Something tonight.”

Besides, it wasn’t like he had been invited. He’d heard chatter about it, but he knew where he stood socially, so it wasn’t a surprise when an invitation never was extended to him.

With this he quickly walked off, feeling three pairs of eyes on his back as got further away.

-

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:13
kuroo told me ur not coming to his party???????????

To: Hinata Shouyou
16:13
No
Kageyama

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:13
y

To: Hinata Shouyou
16:13
Because I was not invited, and it would be rude to show up uninvited.
Kageyama

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:14
dumbass everyone on the team is invited

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:15
[image]

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:15
did u forget????

To: Hinata Shouyou
16:16
It seems so. I have plans, I can’t
Kageyama

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:16
kuroo said that your only plans were “something”

From: Hinata Shouyou
16:17
PLZ COME!!!!!! PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ!!!!!!

To: Hinata Shouyou
16:16
Ok.
Kageyama

-

It had been a long since the last time Tobio went to a party. Last time was in high school, when he was still on friendly terms with Kunimi and Kindaichi. Long time notwithstanding, his feelings about parties remained the same. He didn’t like them, but when Hinata had asked him to come, he did.

And so he found himself in the apartment of Kuroo Tetsuroo and his roommates, Bokuto Koutarou and Kozume Kenma. He had briefly greeted them, and now he was sitting in the couch, nursing a beer while watching Kuroo and Bokuto play beer pong on their kitchen table.

He was nervously sipping his beer, waiting for Hinata to show up. It was somewhat rude to beg him to come, and then show up late himself. He heard the door open, and when he saw his friend stand in the doorway, Tobio lit up. He watched as Hinata wrestled off his outerwear and shoes and followed him with his eyes as Hinata made his way towards him, bouncing with energy.

“Kageyama, you came!”

“Of course,” he replied, even though it was not a matter of self-evidence.

“Come on, get up on your feet,” Hinata said, dragging him up from the couch, steering him towards the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of something and poured it into a small glass, offering it to Tobio.

“Here!” Hinata said as he poured himself an identical, small glass.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a shot, duh.” Hinata replied as he lifted his glass towards him. “Kanpai!” He threw his head back and swallowed it all, and Tobio watched him, mesmerized. Then he followed suit.

-

Tobio was leaning on the bathroom counter, looking himself in the eyes. The world was spinning slowly, and he gripped the counter hard to stabilize himself. He wasn’t sure how much he had been drinking. After taking that first shot with Hinata, they’d joined beer pong and learned that their good chemistry also worked in other sports. After that they’d taken another. And then another. And maybe another? He wasn’t sure. Even though the amount he had drunk was unknown, one thing was known: He was drunk.

And as his drunkenness had grown and time had gone by, he was filled more and more with a guilty conscience, a deep feeling of dread. He couldn’t continue lying to Hinata. And to Kuroo, Sugawara and Sawamura. But most importantly, Hinata. It wasn’t as if he had intended to lie, and to continue lying for so long. It just happened. In fact, he was normally a terrible liar, due in part to the incredible guilt he felt whenever he lied.

This was going to end.

He gave himself one last look in the mirror and headed out of the bathroom, intent on finding Hinata. He wandered around in the apartment, and found him standing in the kitchen, joking with some of the guys on the team.

“Hinata, I have to talk to you. Now.”

Hinata looked up at him, smiling. Some of the other people in the room hooted, teased them. Tobio glared at them.

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

He leaned closer to him, “I’m Setter-san.”

“What?” Hinata replied incredulously.

“I am Supersetter7,” he repeated.

“I head you the first time, I’m just… What?”

“On the internet. In the server,” he further clarified.

“How do you know who that is? Is this some weird prank?” Hinata put down his cup and turned to face him fully.

“No, I don’t know him. It’s me,” he said, feeling more desperate with every second that passed. He had to explain this, and he had to make sure Hinata understood. “It’s always been me.”

Hinata looked at him, visibly angry, visibly confused.

“That’s kinda… Creepy, to be honest. Did you, like, stalk me? Did you apply to Chuo just to find me in real life?” he accused.

“What? No! I didn’t even know you were starting here!”

“Okay, well, then why did you lie for so long? Why didn’t you tell me right away?” His volume started growing louder, and the people in the room started to follow their argument.

“I didn’t mean to lie, I just…” He tried to place a reassuring hand on Hinata’s arm, an uncharacteristic act, but he quickly withdrew it when Hinata flinched away from his touch. His heart dropped even further down.

“Didn’t mean to lie?” Hinata mocked, “What the fuck do you mean? You either lie or you don’t, you don’t accidentally lie!”

Tobio tried getting a word in edgewise, but he couldn’t. It felt as if anything he tried to say stopped in his throat. He balled his hands into fists, feeling his nails pressing into the meat of his hands, grounding himself.

“I’m sorry, I…” he meekly offered.

“You’re such a moron,” he seethed. “Do you think a simple ‘I’m sorry’ would suffice?”

The acidity with which Hinata spoke his words made his skin itch, his throat close up. Hinata couldn't possibly know, but it catapulted Tobio right back to his childhood, when all his peers flung the same words, moron, idiot, dumb, at him with the same vitriol. Perhaps it was unfair, they ribbed each other for their collective lack of braincells - but the tone was obviously joking, said with some form of affection. Affection that seemed to have been instantly vaporized, switched out with disdain and anger.

Tobio opened his mouth to respond but was cut off.

“I don’t care if you did this to be creepy, to stalk me or because you ‘accidentally’ lied, it’s fucked up. It’s fucked up. What the fuck? There’s something wrong with you,” he lashed out. “Don’t talk to me again,” Hinata finished as he turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Tobio felt as if the entire party had stopped because of their argument and he supposed everyone who had called him dumb and weird and moron was right, because he had catastrophically blown up the only friendship he had only had. He felt the eyes of everyone in the kitchen on him, and he glanced up. Sugawara was looking at him with a disappointed face. He quickly looked down and started patting his pockets to see if he had his wallet, his keys, his phone.

It felt like there wasn’t a sound in the entire apartment, all he could hear was the rush of his own blood.

“I… I have to go,” he mumbled, before walking off. He left everything else he owned in the apartment, and he didn’t care. All he cared about was getting away from the suffocating crowd, the heavy air and the weight of the eyes of every single person he had disappointed.

He often did that, disappoint people.

-

Supersetter7: helli himata im Kageyama. Im very sorry for leadin yuo along I never meangt to hurt you I hope ymmou can forgive me. im so so so sorry im so sorry youre my only friend I dont wanna lose you im so sso sorry

-

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Chapter Text

There was something wrong with him.

There was something wrong with him and it couldn’t be fixed.

He had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, and when he woke up, he unlocked his phone, cleared all notifications without as much as a glance and sent a message.

To: Captain Iseri (VB)
16:16
I am quitting the volleyball team. I apologize for any troubles that might cause and wish you luck with the upcoming tournaments.
Kageyama

He then powered his phone completely off and tossed it somewhere, he wasn’t sure where and he didn’t care particularly. It didn’t feel like it’d been very long since the last time he laid in bed, mulling over his mistakes and being unable to gather the strength to get up. It hadn’t been very long. He closed his eyes and willed sleep to come to him again. He was shown no mercy and he laid there awake.

His hands crept up towards his neck and he placed them around his throat. He could feel his pulse under his finger, he could feel the blood rush. He thought about if he were to constrict, to tighten his hands, the overwhelming feeling of gloom nothingness would disappear. He would much rather feel the panic and fear of not being able to breathe than the emptiness he feels now.

There had always been something wrong with him, and no matter how hard he had tried, it was unfixable.

-

A day passed. Perhaps another one as well? He had spent the time in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, fiddling with his fingers, picking at the skin around his nails, making new lists, thinking about how he had ended here.

This is a definite list over the evilest people in the world:

1. Kageyama Tobio

His emotions felt undeserved. They felt deserved.

Lying in bed and feeling sorry for himself felt undeserved, because as much as he couldn’t avoid drowning in his own feelings, he felt that he shouldn’t be allowed to. After all, he created the mess. Why should he wallow in bed when he had no one else but himself to thank?

He could have just… Not joined the volleyball team. Left the server. Been honest about him being Supersetter7 from the start of his friendship with Hinata. Not been so paranoid when joining the server.

But it all had the same end result. Since Tobio was inherently bad, any of these options would, at some point, lead to his lie being figured out, the carpet being pulled out from under him or him becoming friendless.

His mind raced, conjuring up scenarios in which he’d acted differently, but no matter how many scenarios he made they all ended the same way. His head was racing, the farce taking the shape of a lump in his brain, a lump that oozed and spread, seeping into every single corner of his brain. It was as if he physically couldn’t not think about it, the lump following him wherever he went, whatever he thought about.

If he hadn’t joined the volleyball team, he would have nothing to talk to them about and he would slowly but surely fade out. If he had left the server when learning that Hinata and Kuroo were at his school, it wouldn’t change the fact that he had lied, and it wouldn’t change the fact that he was Kageyama Tobio, the genius king no one dared talk to. If he had been honest from the start, Hinata would never talk to him as Supersetter7 again, and only know him as the guy who got abandoned, and therefore not want to be his friend. If he had not been so paranoid when joining the server all those years ago, and gone under his real name and posted pictures of himself when the others did they would all know that it was him when he failed spectacularly and kick him out.

It all had the same end result because something was wrong with him and it was inherent. It was unavoidable.

It felt deserved, because since he was evil, since he was inherently evil, and since there was something wrong with him, wasn’t it just as well that he was punished for it?

-

The days blurred together, passing by as paste slowly dripping down the wall. He had no perception of time. He was half asleep when he was startled awake by someone knocking on his door.

He couldn’t imagine anyone that would want to visit him, or even knew where he lived, so he assumed someone had knocked on his door by mistake. He stayed where he was.

And then they knocked again.

And again.

And they didn’t relent.

“Kageyama, if you do not open this door I will climb in through your window!”

He quickly got up from bed and hurried towards the door, lest he bother his neighbours. He opened the door, and immediately snarled,

“What?”

Of all people he expected to be standing in front of his door, Kuroo Tetsurou was the one he least expected.

“Kuroo-san,” he greeted, puzzled. “How did you get in?”

“I slipped in when one of your neighbours opened the door,” he explained, pushing past Tobio, into his flat. He took off his shoes and hung up his coat, pardoning for his intrusion. He looked around, seemingly inspecting the place. Tobio closed the door, stuck on the fact that he technically hadn’t even invited Kuroo in.

“You forgot your stuff at our place,” he informed and dropped a bag of stuff in the sofa.

“You live alone? Impressive on a student budget,” Kuroo commented, walking to his windows to assess the view. Tobio didn’t answer, just looked at him, failing to understand why he was here.

“Why are you here?”

Kuroo rolled his eyes, as if it was obvious.

“To check on you, duh. You’ve gone total radio silence on everyone,” he explained, and dumped down in the sofa.

“Why?” he asked warily. He kept his place by the door, looking at the other man.

“People get worried when you just disappear from earth.”

Tobio blinked.

“But why?”

Kuroo stood up and walked to him, put his hands on Tobio’s shoulders. Tobio tensed at the contact, looked away from his eyes.

“Is it really that hard to understand that people care for you?” he asked softly.

Tobio stepped aside, “Please don’t touch me,” he mumbled, before walking over to the sofa, sitting down in it, curling his knees under his chin.

“Sorry,” Kuroo said, looking genuine. He walked over to the kitchen bench and leaned on it, watching Tobio. “When’s the last time you ate?”

Tobio shrugged. Couldn’t remember.

“I’ll make you something,” he declared, wandering to the fridge, opening it up, assessing the situation. “You run a tight ship,” he noted.

“I haven’t been to the store,”

“Comes as no surprise,” he replied, taking out the food he has and started chopping. He did it in silence. Tobio appreciated the silence. He followed his movements as Kuroo chopped, fried, prepared a meal. He set the dining table for two, and soon there was food on the table. Tobio got up and sat down, waiting for Kuroo to sit down before serving himself.

“Itadakimasu,” he mumbled, staring at the fried rice in his bowl. He looked up at Kuroo, who’d begun eating. He took a bite, chewed. It felt like eating glue, the food in his mouth sticking to everything, tasting nothing but grey. He wanted to cry, he wanted to spit out, he wanted to jump out of the window. He swallowed. He started nervously picking at his fingers, scared that Kuroo would be mad at him for letting the food, his hard work go to waste.

“If you continue watching that bowl so fiercely, I worry you’re going to set fire to it.”

He snapped up, watching Kuroo.

“I’m so sorry, but I… Can’t,” he finished lamely. He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for letting you waste your energy on making me food when I won’t even eat it.”

“It’s alright, you can try again later.”

Tobio was at a complete loss. He didn’t understand why Kuroo would come here and care. Was it a cruel trick the others were playing? To check if he was really gone for good? To lull him into a false sense of security? He frowned, glaring at Kuroo.

“I’ll transfer from Chuo, to somewhere else,” he declared.

Kuroo lifted a brow quizzically, “Now why would you do that?”

It was disarming. A silence enveloped them again. He thought about how he could explain why he should transfer, why he should move, why he should be out of their lives. Before he could get so far, Kuroo interrupted his thought process.

“Should we draw you a bath?”

“I’m not a child,” he responded indignantly.

It probably wasn’t the worst idea. He hadn’t changed out of his sweatpants and tee for however long he had been doing nothing, and he hadn’t showered for just as long. Kuroo had already gotten up and walked into his bedroom, and he came out with a fresh change of clothes. Tobio wordlessly took the clothes and went to his bathroom.

He closed the door and started undressing.

He looked at himself in the mirror, let his eyes roam over his body. He had bags under his eyes, despite how much he had slept. He looked sickly, grey. His hair was greasy, sticking to his forehead.

He showered, the stickiness disappearing down the drain.

When he emerged from the bathroom in a fresh set of clothes, the windows were wide open, letting the fresh air in. He was, generally, a tidy person, and doing nothing for days upon days didn’t produce much rubbish, but he noticed that Kuroo had tidied up what little there was. He noticed that his bed was made, a fresh set of bed linens.

“I put your phone to charge. You should read your messages,” Kuroo said when he noticed.

“Thank you,” he said, meaning it.

“I put the rest of the food into the fridge, you should eat when you feel better.”

Tobio nodded, watched as Kuroo got dressed and ready to leave.

“I’ll be back,” he warned, “so don’t be up to no good!”

And with that he let himself out, slamming the door behind him.

-

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
02:45
oi the others said u left, are u ok?

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
03:02
kageyama??

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
03:03
hinata is like super upset, did anythin happen?

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
03:10
okay he told me what happened

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
04:22
are you okay? did you get home safe?

-

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
16:18
iseri just told me you quit the team???? you cant do that???

-

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
17:15
hello

-

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
16:23
jesus christ

-

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
11:47
can you at least like give any indication as to whether or not youre alive????

-

From: Kuroo Tetsuro
10:07
ok thats it im coming over. where do you live

-

From: Unknown Number
10:30
Hello! It’s Sugawara, sugarcube. Kuroo gave me your number, I hope you don’t mind :) I’m not mad at you, none of us are, just a bit confused? You should talk to Hinata. Please respond when you see this <3

-

From: Captain Iseri (VB)
16:20
No, you’re not.

-

And then there was an endless wall of messages from Hinata. His texts ranged from anger, concern, sadness to anger.

-

Draft to: Hinata Shouyou
14:33
Can you come over?
Kag

-

Kuroo came back the next day bringing frozen pizza and soda.

“I know we’re athletes and all that, but it doesn’t hurt to hashtag treat yourself once in a while,” he said, half apologizing as he walked into the flat after Tobio had opened the door to his unnecessary pounding.

Tobio thanked him and went to turn on the oven.

He had been awoken by Kuroo yet again, but this time he was getting actual, restful sleep and not the horrid, half sleep that he’d been plagued with the rest of the week.

“You woke me up,” he complained.

“It’s like,” Kuroo checked the time, “Half past noon.”

He set the things on the counter and turned to look at Tobio.

“You look better today,” he remarked.

Tobio shrugged, motioned for him to make himself at home while he went to the bathroom to freshen up, brush his teeth and take a quick shower – although, Kuroo obviously had no problems with making himself at home, given how he acted yesterday.

“I checked your messages last night,” Tobio said when reentering the living room. “Thanks for checking on me.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t want you to end up dead in a ditch, you’re my friend,” he replied.

At that Tobio stiffened, looked at him, tried to see if any part of him was joking.

“We’re friends?”

“Aren’t we?”

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly.

“Well, I’ve known you for, what? Four years? That has to count for something.”

“Yes, but the… The thing,” he fumbled, not sure how to express himself, express his insecurity in their relation, in his place in the world.

“That you’re Supersetter7? Well, yes. I mean, I’m not that hurt by it, you should rather talk to Shouyou about it. I guess it kinda sucked, but it was an honest mistake, right?” He looked at him expectantly.

Tobio nodded.

“An honest mistake isn’t enough to unfriend someone, block them, hit the gym and see a lawyer, y’know?”

Tobio did not, in fact, know what he meant by the latter part. But he understood the gist.

He nodded again.

“And so, we are friends.”

Another nod.

“At least, I consider you a friend, but can you say the same?”

“I’ve never really had friends,” he admitted.

“There’s no time like the present, right?” He smiled broadly.

-

To: Hinata
18:27
Would you like to come over?
Kageyama

-

From: Hinata
23:56
yea

-

He put in an actual effort in getting up early the next day. Or at least early-ish. He showered, got dressed and then paced around his flat, waiting for Hinata to show up. He heard a message ding, it was Hinata telling him that he was outside. He buzzed him in, and soon he was inside, standing in his entryway, all of him. His orange hair, his big jacket, his soft face, his big eyes.

“Hi,” Tobio greeted, nervously fiddling with his shirt.

“Hi.”

They stood there watching each other, Tobio not daring to start the conversation. The silence grew, and he felt as if his nervous energy was rolling off him in giant, black waves, making everything weird.

“Jeez, this is weird,” Hinata commented while starting to take off his outerwear. It was starting to get a bit chilly outside, the air had a bite to it.

Tobio felt his heart drop, but he only nodded, silently agreeing. Hinata walked into his flat, looking around.

“Normally you’re like ‘Grr, Hinata, moron’,” he said, forcing his hair to lay flat with his hands, imitating Tobio’s, “’dumbass, blargh’, but now you’re all gwuah.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god,” he wailed, “You’re being so weird.”

He walked up to Tobio and bonked him in the head, as if percussive maintenance was known to work on brains, as if he was trying to shift his brain back to where it was supposed to be.

“When was the last time you left your flat?”

Tobio shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“That settles it,” he declared, turning on his heel, back to where he came from and started dressing.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m taking you for a walk! Fresh air, come on! It’ll be fun!”

He hesitated. He hesitated a bit more, before joining Hinata in getting dressed, putting on his coat, trying to keep a respectful distance.

This is a list of the people he allowed to touch him:

1. His mother
2. His father
3. Hinata Shouyou

In such a short, but simultaneously long, amount of time, Hinata had wormed his way into his life, settling in like he’d always been there. Now, though, it felt odd. Just a few weeks ago, reaching out to tug at his hair, to tease, to slap had been like second nature. But now it felt like there was a bubble keeping them apart, and he tried to not cross the boundary. Stiff fingers zipped up his jacket.

“Ready?”

A nod.

They walked out on the street, not really having any plan.

“Do you want to go to the grocery store?” Tobio asked, thinking about his very empty kitchen.

They walked, and awkward silence filling the air, creating tension. Normally they’d fill the time bickering, playfully fighting, jabbing at each other, making whatever they were doing into a competition or discussing volleyball or – god forbid – schoolwork.

They reached the store, Tobio idling around while trying to think about what he needed. Everything, really. Where does one start when you have nothing? He slowly filled the basket with food, trying to resist the temptation to only buy milk and live off that.

They were stood in front of the milk section when he finally talked.

“Sorry,” he started, unsure of how to continue, “sorry.”

Hinata looked up at him, but he kept his gaze fixed at the milk in front of him.

“I never meant for it to turn out like this. I just… I guess I got trapped in a web of lies and I didn’t really know how to get out.”

Hinata hummed.

“I don’t like lying.”

They fell silent as he stared at the milk in front of him, not really taking in any of the visual information in front of him.

“It was weird. I didn’t like having to talk about me with you, pretending I was not me. But I…” he paused, wondering how to phrase himself, “But you’d all talk about real life me in the server and how mean I am and you all talked about what happened during my final game in high school, and I think I was… Scared. Scared of having Settersan7’s reputation ruined by me being me.”

He stared at the milk, deciding to buy one of those mega packs with the small cartons. It was his favourite, the light blue ones with the small animals. While retrieving the pack he mulled over how to continue.

“And then we got to know each other in real life, and it got harder and harder to lie.”

A pause.

“I should have told you differently, but I felt so guilty, I had to tell you,” he finished.

He felt as if he hadn’t been able to properly explain himself, and he felt silly, standing there in a grocery store with milk in his arms, trying to open his heart, trying to unload the worries that had been eating away at him.

“It was kinda shitty of us to talk shit about you, it is a public server and we should try to avoid talking shit about people in general,” Hinata said, looking genuinely remorseful.

“I don’t think I’ve ever hated you,” he added.

“Yeah?”

Hinata hummed in response, picking the pack of milk cartons out of his arms.

“Have you got everything?” he asked while making his way to the cashier.

“Yeah,” he replied, walking behind him, wondering if he should say anything more.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Not now. I was. Oh my god,” he dragged out the last word, “Oh my god, I was mad. But then I talked to Kuroo and Suga. I guess I’m just disappointed in myself. Sad, maybe? Anyways, Suga said that this just meant I’ve known my best friend for so much longer than I thought I had, and that’s neat, isn’t it?”

“We’re best friends?” he asked, shock apparent in his voice.

“Yeah, duh.”

“You can’t just spring that on me like that, dumbass!”

“There’s the Kageyama I know”, Hinata cheered, narrowly avoiding a swipe from Tobio.

-

He stared at his fingers, examining them.

He took pride in how he kept his nails. They were neat, always trimmed as short as he could, any irregularities filed away, cuticles pushed back, always moisturized.

It helped him be the best setter he could be, filing away any bumps that could throw a set off.

It was also a precaution.

His fingers, his nails often took the brunt of it when he ended up in his moods, when his anxieties clawed at him from the inside. Sometimes, just fiddling would be enough, but  when it got bad enough he ended up picking at them. Any hangnail, any cuticle not pushed back, any skin became the victim of himself. He picked at his fingers, leaving them raw, imperfect, useless.

But if there are no hangnails, no loose flaps of skins, no cuticles to gnaw at, to pick and peel away – there could be no raw, red, angry fingers.

Even so, with all the precautions he had taken his nails and fingers looked chewed up, picked apart following his latest period of staying in bed, all alone.

As such, trying to make them look as good as they could under the circumstances was a concrete and tangible step towards trying to get over this, trying to get better.

He soaked his nails. Pushed back the softened cuticles. Filed the jagged edges, making them smooth and uniform. Moisturized his hands, making sure to rub it in.

They did not look as good as they should, as good as they used to, but it was better.

-

The last weeks he felt as he had taken one step forward and two back. He was, again, standing in front of the gym where the volleyball court had their practices, hesitating to go inside, unsure of how everyone would react.

It wasn’t that long ago. Lately, it seems as if his life was cyclical, that he was repeating past mistakes.

“Come on,” Hinata urged him, nearly dragging him inside.

“I can walk myself, dumbass,” he snapped, still letting himself be dragged by the hand. When they nearly stumbled inside, on account of them both trying to push themselves through the door at the same time, there was no stopping of time. The people already there glanced at them and resumed whatever they were doing.

Their captain walked up to Tobio and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Hey, Kageyama-kun. Good to see you. I told coach that you’ve been sick. He’s probably gonna tell you to not train to hard,” he said.

“Thanks, Iseri-san,” Tobio replied, “Sorry for trying to quit.”

At this, Iseri barked a laugh.

“’S fine, I knew you didn’t mean it,” he said and winked, slapping his back before jogging away to continue setting up.

“See? I told you he wouldn’t be mad,” Hinata teased, sticking out his tongue at him, “I’m always right!”

Tobio rolled his eyes but looked at him fondly.

“You wish,” he replied, grabbing his head, “Dumbass. Come on, let’s go.”

They started warming up, stretching and he felt himself relax at the familiar feeling.

-

The hand in date for a paper was closing in, and the closer it was coming, the time spent at the library increased exponentially. This was their fourth night this week where Tobio and Hinata had bolted up to the space in the library for group work after their seminar was over.

After several hours, the ranks were slowly thinning out, but the two of them had bet on who could finish reading the articles first. This was, they learned, not a particularly effective reading strategy, as they had retained close to no information.  

“That makes no sense,” Hinata complained after Tobio had painstakingly tried to explain the point of one of the articles.

“No, it doesn’t,” he conceded.

“Argh,” Hinata groaned, slamming his head against the table, gaining the looks of the people still valiantly trying to read, “I won, but at what cost?”

“Keep it down, dumbass,” Tobio scolded, not keeping it down himself.

“You’re one to talk!”

Tobio rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer screen, trying to skim over the text again, as if just looking at it would reveal some new, hidden meaning.

“Can’t we-“ Hinata started, but he was abrupted by the other.

“Shut up, I’m trying to read this dumb article!”

Hinata sighed loudly, exaggerated and turned his head to look at Tobio while he was still laying down.

He gave up.

“This makes no sense!”

“You make no sense,” Hinata countered.

“That makes no sense,” he jabbed as he slapped his head lightly, to which Hinata let out an ow! “At least I’ve read the article!”

Hinata sat up straight, “I’ve read it!”

“Have not!”

“Have too!”

“Will you two shut up?” one of the poor souls still at the library barked.

Both blushing, they immediately shut up. After some silence, Tobio spoke up,

“I think the point they’re trying to make is how vitamin supplements can be used ergogenically,” he mused.

“But that’s too easy,” Hinata sighed, “There must be something more to it.”

“Maybe some things just are easy,” Tobio responded, and looked over at his friend with a warm feeling spreading through his chest.

-

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
20:34
Hello, Sugawara.
I am sorry it took me so long to answer you. I do not mind that Kuroo gave you my number. Thank you for reaching out, Hinata and I talked.
Kageyama

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
20:37
good to hear!

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
20:50
How did you know you were in love with Sawamura-san?
Kageyama

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
20:55
ahahhahaha, that’s quite the topic change

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
20:55
weren’t you in love in high school? don’t you remember how that felt?

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
21:02
I think that was more of a puppy crush.
Kageyama

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
21:03
i see… well, i guess it varies from person to person. i just really wanted to be with him all the time, more than we already were. and i made up excuses to touch him. idk if hinata told you, but i used to karate chop my teammates n stuff in high school, but that was just my alibi.

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
21:06
Makes sense.
Kageyama

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
21:07
oh and also, i got this super warm feeling in my chest and talking to him made me want to jump.

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
21:08
so who’s the lucky guy?

-

Their team had a practice match. Tobio rarely felt nervous before matches, practice or otherwise, and today was no exception. As they walked towards the gym, Hinata chattered beside him, telling him about how he used to be super nervous, like ugh, and how he always ran into enemies at the toilet. Tobio responded by humming when he felt he needed to, but otherwise he let Hinata talk.

“So many of my friends from high school are on the team we’re playing, it’s been years since I’ve seen them! I can’t wait,” Hinata cheered, and nearly bounced inside.

“It hasn’t even been a year since we graduated high school, scrub,” Tobio replied.

The next he heard was an exuberant yell from Hinata, which was answered by a man with slicked up, grey hair.

“Shouyou!” he yelled, as he ran towards Hinata and picked him up in what looked like a bone crushing hug.

Tobio watched, mildly amused. He took a sip from his water bottle and was about to start stretching when Hinata called his attention by shouting his name.

“Come, you have to meet everyone!”

He begrudgingly walked up to where Hinata stood, bowing at his friends. Hinata introduced them while pointing at them,

“This is Bokuto Koutaro, he is the coolest ace ever! And this is Miya Atsumu, he’s a setter, like you,” he turned to introduce the last person, “and this is…”

He was interrupted by the shrill of a flute, alerting them that the coaches wanted the teams to gather around.

“Race you,” Hinata said, already sprinting away.

“That’s not fair,” he objected, sprinting after.

Hinata won, obviously, on account of the head start. They listened to the coach as he briefed the team, briefly discussed strategy and started warming up. Tournaments were coming up, and coach wanted to try a rotation with Tobio and Hinata. They had worked on their super quick attack, and coach wanted to see if it worked in a match with another team.

The set started, Tobio reveled in the familiar feeling of playing volleyball, now with the person he liked most by his side. The set went on and as did the rotation. He was up by the net, waiting for the next serve when one of the players from the other team addressed him,

“Ah, so this is the infamous King of the Court.”

Tobio snapped to the voice, looking at the person who said it. It was one of Hinata’s friends, the one he hadn’t introduced yet.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’m surprised your old teammates even tolerated you. Or, they didn’t, did they?” he continued.

“Kei!”

Both Tobio and the other snapped to Hinata, who had yelled his name.

“Don’t be mean to Kageyama,” he chided, looking exasperated, “He’s a super good setter!”

The guy, Kei, scoffed, “Just like you to love someone for their volleyball skills,” he teased. Tobio blushed, and Hinata started sputtering some sort of defense, but their captain called their attention, begging them to pay attention for once.

The game continued, ending in a pleasant victory for Chuo. Tobio lingered in the locker room after having changed. The last few people idled out, and as the door closed behind them, he let out a sigh and rested his head against the locker in front of him. He felt his cheeks become wet with large tears silently slipping down, a deep warmth spreading from his chest, radiating out too his limbs. He felt giddy. He roughly wiped away the tears, took a breath and willed himself to stop crying.

It wasn’t sadness, really. Maybe joy. Maybe relief.

No one had ever stood up for him before.

Chapter Text

From: Hinata
12:23
im bord

From: Hinata
12:23
what r u doin???

From: Hinata
12:30
dumbass, don’t ignore me!!

To: Hinata
12:33
I’m not ignoring you, I’m just busy.
Kageyama

From: Hinata
12:33
WHAT r u doing?!?!???

To: Hinata
12:35
I’m making birthday dinner with my mum.
Kageyama

From: Hinata
12:35
u can stop signing ur name when u text me

From: Hinata
12:35
whose bday is it??

To: Hinata
12:38
Mine.

From: Hinata
12:38
WHAT?!

[Missed call: Hinata]

[Missed call: Hinata]

[Missed call: Hinata]

From: Hinata
12:41
HELLO?

From: Hinata
12:41
y didn’t u tell me! >:(

To: Hinata
12:44
I did.

From: Hinata
12:44
NO?!?!?!?!?!

From: Hinata
12:44
id NEVER forget your birthday

To: Hinata
12:48
I did just now.

From: Hinata
12:48
that does NOT count!!!

From: Hinata
12:48
ugh ur so silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[1 voice message from Hinata]

From: Hinata
12:52
[image]

From: Hinata
12:52
inu says “happy birthday!!”

To: Hinata
12:54
Tell her I said thanks.

-

It was with great reluctance he had ended up going home for his birthday and winter break.  Even though everyone else he knew were going home as well, it was more tempting to spend the break alone in Tokyo than go back to the town he hated. He had thought about a lot, and at last came to the conclusion that he loved his parents more than he hated Miyagi.

It also helped that his sister Miwa said she’d go home too. Or, well. She’d never really lived in the house or the town, having moved out before they moved from Sapporo, so it had never been her home.

Regardless, she was coming to visit.

After his birthday dinner – pork curry, obviously – he and Miwa had settled in the living room, watching movies. It had been a long time since he’d seen her, Miwa being a busy globetrotter after all.

“How’s school going?” Miwa asked him, the movie having been long forgotten, just droning on in the background.

“Fine,” he muttered.

“You’re such a horrible conversationalist,” she laughed, “Just fine? Nothing more?”

He sighed, rubbing his face before scowling at her.

No matter. Any scowl he would send, he would receive in tenfold. He had learnt them somewhere, after all.

“It’s fun. I like my classes, and I think I’m doing fine?”

“That’s a first,” she dryly remarked.

“Shut up,” he sighed, no bite to his words at all.

There was a lull in the conversation and he shifted his focus back to the movie they were watching.

“Volleyball, then?” Miwa asked after some time had passed.

He’d never mentioned what had happened during his last match in high school, but if there were to be one universal truth it had to be that Kageyama Miwa found out about everything. Not to mention that their mother probably told her. However, he hadn’t really talked to her during the autumn, so for all she knew what happened in high school might have been the latest development.

“I still play. It’s… Nice. I have a really great team.”

“Good,” she said. He glanced at her, knowing that she wanted to pry more, ask more.

“I have a best friend,” he offered.

Miwa was probably the person who knew him the best, right after their grandfather.

As much as she had teased him growing up, as much as she steamrolled most conversations, she had always been a very observant and caring sister. It was, perhaps, cliché but she followed the motto I’m the only one who’s allowed to bully Tobio. She was never afraid of telling the neighbourhood kids, his classmates who bullied him to scram. Granted, holding that sort of power when you were eight years older and a high school student was sort of obvious. Any child was afraid of teenagers.

She knew when to push Tobio.

Likewise, he knew that when she looked at him like that, it meant she wanted him to tell more, but didn’t want to bother him, to pry.

He relented.

“His name is Hinata. Hinata Shouyou. He’s from around here, but I never ran into him in high school tournaments. I actually got to know him through this Discord server I joined in middle school, but we didn’t know each other in real life before university,” he stumbled, not wanting to go into the whole debacle of his accidental two identities. “He’s kinda shit at volleyball, but he’s also really good? And we do this cool quick attack, because he’s very fast and can jump very high. Oh, he has orange hair, but he’s really short. And we bicker, but it’s fun bickering. And read. We read and do schoolwork together,” he dumped out seemingly all information he had on Hinata at once.

Miwa just smiled, a glimmer in her eye.

“He sounds cool,” she said, “Tell me more about him.”

For the second time, he relented.

-

From: Hinata
18:23
discord.gg/chanceball

To: Hinata
18:30
I can’t join.

From: Hinata
18:31
huh why??? is the invite broken?

To: Hinata
18:33
Not like that. I don’t feel like I can join.

From: Hinata
18:34
pleaaaaaase we miss you

From: Hinata
18:35
no one cares

From: Hinata
18:35
NOT LIKE THAT!!

From: Hinata
18:36
just that no one minds and everyone likes you and yes

To: Hinata
18:39
No.

From: Hinata
18:39
:<

From: Hinata
18:45
<3

-

For the past three years, this day had been fine. It had been fine, and so Tobio counted on it being fine this time around as well. But when he woke up, he could feel the tension sitting deep in his chest, the curling and uncurling of his chest, the brushing of his hair against his face. The sunlight filtered through his window, and it seemed too bright, too sharp. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out for a few minutes, before opening them again and getting up.

He went through the motions of his morning routine, the same as every day, though mechanically.

When he stepped out of his building’s door, he felt all too small. Tokyo’s size was blinding, and it made him acutely aware of how small he was in the city, how small he was in the universe. Although he hated his town in Miyagi, at least it was small. He had only lived there for three years, but in those three years he had mapped out what felt like the entire place. Every sleepy street, every grocery store, every neighborhood. It was, if nothing else, straight forward. Tokyo was not, and right now he felt like everything simultaneously was too big and too small.

Normally, he preferred not listening to music when making his way to campus. He liked being alert and able to react to anything that could happen. Today was different. He walked through the crowds with his earbuds in, the music drowning out the noise of the people around him.

This day had been fine, okay, good enough the last three years.

He supposed that having his parents around helped but now he was facing the death day of his grandfather alone for the first time.

He didn’t even know what he was listening to, he had just put his music on shuffle. As he got closer to campus, he could feel the tension in his shoulders settle deep under his skin. When he got to the changing room, he changed in silence. During practice, he tried to keep up with Hinata’s antics as usual but his heart wasn’t in it, and it probably showed. He tolerated the noise of their rowdier teammates and went through the motions of practice.

The rest of the day followed the same pattern.

Tobio went through the motions of lectures.

Tobio went through the motions of self-studying at the library.

When afternoon practice came, he tried to go through the motions of practice. As opposed to the morning practice, it didn’t work. Not even volleyball was enough to distract him from the shouts of his teammates, the artificial lighting, the sound of the lamps buzzing, the squeaking of shoes on the floor, their coach blowing his whistle, the smell of Air Salonpas. The impressions take up all the space in his brain, growing, demanding all his attention. He felt as if his skin was tightening even more, as if it tried to push the flesh out of him. His brain was working overtime trying to sort and understand all of it, but it was working against an immense force.

After a toss, Hinata turned to him and started talking excitedly, loudly about something – he couldn’t even begin to fathom what.

The drop that made the glass too full.

Without a word, he walked out of the gym.

He didn’t walk very far down the hallway, just enough to give him a semblance of privacy. He closed his eyes, pushed the heels of his palms against his eyes and took a deep breath. He breathed out. He took a deep breath. He breathed out. He tried to calm himself down, but it felt as if the lump in his throat threatened to close his windpipe and he could feel the tears pushing against his eyes.

He let out some strange mixture of a sob and a hiccup and removed the hands from his eyes. He blinked, feeling the tears roll down. He wiped them away with the bottom of his t-shirt.

“Kageyama,” a voice sounded.

“Yeah?” he rasped out.

“Are you… Okay?”

Tobio turned to look where the voice was coming from. It was Hinata. Hinata with big eyes filled with worry, a deep frown on his face. He looked unsure, not knowing what to do.

“No,” he answered.

Hinata, seemingly not expecting the blunt honesty, somehow ended up looking even more unsure.

“Oh.”

A pregnant silence enveloped them. Tobio valiantly tried to wipe away the rest of his tears, tried to will his tear ducts to stop.

“I’m sorry,” Tobio whispered.

“No, it-it’s fine,” Hinata reassured. He looked at him, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

Tobio nodded in response, and moments later Hinata touched his shoulders, rubbing it, trying to placate.

“What happened?”

Tobio considered what to say. He looked at Hinata, who seemed as if he were to explode out of worry soon. Hinata was safe. Hinata was warm. Hinata was his best friend. Hinata was the one who stood up for him. He looked down at his feet.

“My grandfather died today. Four years ago.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“He was the one who introduced volleyball to me and taught me how to play. He is… Was my best friend.”

“Yeah?” Tobio spared a glance at Hinata, who had a small, soft smile adorning his features.

“Yeah.”

He paused, thinking about what to say next.

“It just got too much today. Too much noise. And it’s the first year where I’m not with my family today. I’m sorry,” he explained.

“You don’t have anything to say sorry for,” Hinata reassured.

Hinata’s hand was still touching him, having lowered to stroke up and down his arm. Tobio found himself wishing he would take his hand.

“Are you feeling better now?”

Tobio nodded.

“Do you wanna head back to practice?”

Tobio felt a weight drop in his stomach. On one hand, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home. On the other hand, he had already missed enough practice. He had already failed the team enough.

“I… Yeah?”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“You’re… Good at this.”

Hinata breathed out a laugh, shrugged.

“I can’t leave,” Tobio haltingly started.

“No? We can tell coach that you felt sick, and that you have to sit and observe the rest of the practice?”

Tobio nodded.

“Come,” Hinata said and gripped his hand, leading him back to the door.

Hinata’s hand was clammy in his, but Tobio held on to it for dear life. The heavy weight within him was instantly replaced with butterflies flying around inside of him.

They entered the gymnasium holding hands, but Tobio let go as he went to talk to coach. He bowed before he started to speak,

“I’m sorry, Ishikawa-san. I… I felt really dizzy so I had to bow out. Am I allowed to sit and observe the rest of the practice?” he asked, his fingers stiff as a board at an attempt to not fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

Their coach just nodded, his attention returning to the scrimmage in front of him.

Tobio went to sit down at one of the benches, next to the two team managers, relief washing over him.

-

This is a list over Kageyama Tobio’s favourite people:

1. Hinata Shouyou
2. His parents
3. Kageyama Miwa

When practice had ended, Hinata had insisted on following Tobio home, going so far as to pop by the corner store and buy instant noodles for them. Tobio had let him and waited patiently outside while watching the people go by. They had eaten their noodles and thus ended up sitting on the sofa with nothing of particular to do.

“You’re… You’re good at that thing. Consoling me,” Tobio haltingly started: “Thank you.”

“Mm. I have some practice, I guess,” Hinata replied and scooched closer to him, putting his head on his shoulder, making Tobio’s heart skip a beat.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, my friend from high school gets like that sometimes. I mean… It doesn’t mean that what works for him, work for you but…”

“Yeah…”

Tobio tried to let himself relax, but the heavy warmth of Hinata’s head resting on his shoulders made him unable to think about anything but Hinata. How close he was, how he could smell his shampoo, how he could feel the heat radiating from him.

“Are you feeling better?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah,” he whispered, contemplating. “Can I tell you something?”

Hinata sat up, and Tobio immediately mourned the loss of his heat.

“Sure!”

Tobio steeled himself. He had never told anyone about it, seeing as he had generally spent his adolescence friendless and as such the need or the want to tell anyone had never arisen. With Iwaizumi being the sole exception he had never really told anyone. His friendlessness was one point, but when he was younger people usually drew the conclusions based on his behaviour, assumed what was wrong with him. Then again, he had been drunk for the first time ever when he told Iwaizumi, it was a lapse in judgement, an outlier so he wasn’t sure it even counted. Furthermore, based on the treatment he had received from his peers when he was younger, he hadn’t really ached to tell anyone. He didn’t trust anyone enough to not exploit the knowledge.

But Hinata was different.

He was smiles, joking, contact, open honesty, zero impulse, direct, loyal, trustworthy. Hinata was trustworthy.

“I’m autistic. What happened today… I got overstimulated. Too much,” he said, not daring to look at Hinata.

He felt his hand being picked up.

“Tobio,” he softly said. Tobio whipped up to look at Hinata, whose face was adorned by a small smile: “I’m glad you felt you could tell me. I’m glad you trust me.”

The sincerity was too much, Tobio blushed scarlet, his ears burning.

“Of course,” he muttered.

And suddenly he felt himself tumble down, laying flat out on the sofa with Hinata hugging him fiercely. The loss he mourned earlier instantly vaporized, now replaced with the giddiness of hugging Hinata, of having all of Hinata around him. He wrapped his arms around him, hugging back.

“Of course,” he repeated.

-

It was no secret that Chuo University Volleyball team directly funneled players into the V.League, providing the top teams in the country with fresh meat and new perspectives. As such, pulling a few strings had been easy for their coach and Tobio found himself on the brink of having his – their – first practice match against actual professional volleyball players. The Schweiden Adlers were no easy match. They had ruled the V.League for several years in a row and the players on the team were nothing short of beasts on the court.

Playing against them would be excellent practice for the university team.

Tobio was looking forward to it. Hinata claimed the same, and they had excitedly discussed what to do during the match, that was if they were allowed to play. There were many talented players on the team, but the last few months the two of them had honed their skills on the court together.

What was an odd coupling had now turned into a vicious weapon on the court, what with their fast quick having improved so much. They out absolute trust in each other when playing: Hinata in Tobio setting to him, Tobio in Hinata hitting the set.

Though not without complications: The amount of bickering the two of them had gone through in pursuit of being a well-oiled quick machine had reached a staggering amount.

And despite all this work, Hinata was still worrying about the match.

He complained about his tummy aching before the match, he almost fainted when he saw the players from Schweiden and Tobio was pretty sure Hinata was close to throwing up out of nervosity when they randomly ran into one of the players.

Hinata has improved greatly since they first met. In fact, Tobio was even doubting he ever was as bad as he had insisted during the first practice. And still, while warming up, Hinata managed to serve a ball into the back of his head.

Tobio made the decision then and there.

“Hinata,” he growled and dragged him off the court. They stopped on the sidelines, Hinata practically shivering.

Tobio considered how he should approach this. Had he been in high school, he would probably approach it with no tact and by yelling at Hinata to get it together. Granted, that is what he tended to do with Hinata on a daily basis, but that was different, it was just joking around. Tobio was not a particularly delicate person, not one who was good at consoling people, but he gave it an honest shot:

“Don’t worry about this, you’re a good player,” he awkwardly muttered and, of all things, gently ruffled Hinata’s hair. If not a very good consolation tactic, it seemed to befuddle Hinata enough to shake him out of his funk. Tobio received a bewildered stare, and he continued:

“We’ve come so far with the quick, and you work well with the other players. Ok?”

Hinata nodded slowly, “Ok…”

“Great, let’s go,” Tobio said and jogged out on the court again.

Their coach signaled for the match to begin. The two of them stayed at the sidelines along with some of the others, observing the game, trying to pick up on the strategies of their opponents.

In the beginning of their second set, Hinata and Tobio were part of the rotation.

The wondrous thing about Hinata was that he always surprised their opponents, and the shock often stayed for some time. The first time Hinata launched himself high into the air, as if he was flying and slammed down Tobio’s set into the ground on the other side of the net. They bumped their fists and Tobio mumbled a ‘nice kill’ to him.

Despite the Adlers even having their own deceptive player in the form of Hoshiumi Korai, their quick surprised them and Tobio relished in the feeling of bringing something unexpected to the table.

The game continued.

The game finished in after the third set. The Chuo university team had fought valiantly and even won a set. Tobio had given it his all, he and Hinata had gotten in some nice kills and racked up some points, Tobio had tossed for the other members and tried his hands at adjusting for their preferences even in a practice match but it came as no surprise that they lost the game.

He didn’t feel particularly sad about it. In fact, he wasn’t sad about it all. It was to be expected: These were actual, professional volleyball players who dedicated their lives to the craft.

It only fueled the fire within him:

“I’m gonna play on that team one day,” he told Hinata while they were drinking water, towels slung around their necks, soaking up their sweat.

“Yeah? I’m gonna play against you. And win!”

-

This is a non-exhaustive list over volleyball players Kageyama Tobio admires

1. Ushijima Wakatoshi
2. Heiwajima Toshiro
3. Nicolas Romero

All three of them were sitting in the izakaya with him.

The Adlers had insisted on joining the university team for a drink after their match. Some had tried to protest, citing the fact that it was a Wednesday, after all, to which Hoshiumi Korai had answered:

“Aren’t university students supposed to drink every day?”

It was too good of an argument to be countered, and as such most of the team trotted down to an izakaya with the Adlers in tow. A few hours had passed, and the small locale was filled to the brim with the laughter and rowdiness of two volleyball teams. Tobio was sitting in a booth, with the three aforementioned players in front of him, Hinata plastered to his left and their libero to the right, though not as close.

“Kageyama-kun,” Ushijima addressed him.

They had played each other in high school, Ushijima being Oikawa Tooru’s sworn enemy. They had never managed to beat Shiratorizawa, not in Tobio’s years at the school, nor in Oikawa’s, and Tobio was surprised Ushijima even remembered him. Tobio had always found it hard to follow in Oikawa’s footsteps of hatred, for Ushijima personally and the school in general. Pragmatically, Ushijima had always been way too good for Tobio to hold anything but admiration for him. He was a man of raw power, his spikes strong and consistent, his serves accurate and powerful. Tobio would like to set for him one day.

“You’ve improved greatly since last time I saw you,” he stated.

Tobio stiffened, which made Hinata look at him.

“Ah, thank you,” he awkwardly forced out, wondering about when the last time Ushijima saw him play was: “When was that?”

“Your last match in high school, if I am not mistaken.”

Just as suspected.

He had never really discussed the matter with Hinata, but Tobio knew he was perceptive enough to understand that it was not a match he held in great regard.

But when he rummaged through his heart, Tobio felt that the subject was not as sore as he had feared.

“Yes, the team here has really allowed me to grow as a player and a setter,” Tobio said.

“Indeed. There is no point for a setter who won’t devote himself to his ace,” Ushijima replied, stone faced as ever.

“No,” Tobio agreed, thinking about how in the last few months he had learned how to adjust to those he played with, remembering what they preferred, learned how to read what his spikers wanted in a matter of seconds.

“Tobio gives the best sets!” Hinata exclaimed from his left.

Tobio felt his heart begin hammering in his chest at the sudden use of his given name, and he subconsciously placed a hand on Hinata’s knee, squeezing it. A small smile crept upon his face at feeling Hinata’s warmth under him, at hearing Hinata so openly and unabashedly praising him.

“I have no doubt,” Ushijima agreed with Hinata, before turning back to Tobio: “You should set for me.”

“Ooh, you so should,” Hinata almost shouted, launching into a long explanation of why he preferred the sets he did, the conversation morphing when Hoshiumi – just as loud and exuberant – joined in, talking about his favourite sets. Tobio just basked in the atmosphere of the izakaya, surprised over how relaxed he felt but not questioning it further.

-

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:35
Suga, help. I am in love with Shouyou
Kageyama Tobio

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:36
oh, really?

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:36
Why are you awake now?

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:36
i could ask you the same, young man

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:37
I just got back home from the izakaya.

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:37
What do I do?

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:38
tell him!

To: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:42
What if he doesn’t like me back?

From: Sugawara Koushi (The Internet)
01:42
trust me on this one.

-

Tobio couldn’t sleep.

Hinata was in the bed next to him, sleeping soundly.

Tobio couldn’t sleep.

The gathering had dwindled down, and soon Tobio and Hinata decided to head home as well. Hinata had – yet again – invited himself over. He had cited that Tobio lived closer and that he didn’t have four – in Hinata’s words – horrible, stinky flatmates as reason for why he should stay over. Tobio didn’t mind. He didn’t even need to hear the reasons to agree to Hinata staying over.

They had gotten ready for bed together, Hinata using the toothbrush he had started keeping there. It was so terribly domestic it made his heart ache, and each movement of their night routine felt so natural, as if it was meant to be this way.

Tobio couldn’t sleep.

Instead he kept thinking about his text conversation with Sugawara.

It had been a moment of weakness, of his walls slipping down due to the four-five beers he had ingested during the evening. And the words, while somewhat cryptic, were obvious: Hinata liked him back. It made him want to curl his toes, both with joy, horror and anticipation. He would tell him. Soon.

-

This is a non-exhaustive list over Kageyama Tobio’s favourite things about Hinata Shouyou.

1. His hair, how soft and orange it is.
2. His smile, how it seems to light up the room, the entire day.
3. His passion for volleyball
4. His laughter
5. His patience with Tobio, his understanding of Tobio

The list goes on.

-

The end of their first year in university was nearing, and their final exam was looming in front of them like a giant. Shouyou and Tobio were spending yet another late night at the library, the threat of the building closing and guards kicking them out getting closer and closer.

“Ugh, I don’t understand why I have to know how to ‘write a methodologically sound paper,” Shouyou complained, pitching his voice up in mockery for the last part of his sentence. “It’s not like I’m going to ever write a scientific paper, I’m going to play for the Jackals.”

“We’ll do fine, it’s an open book test,” Tobio reassured.

Shouyou put his head down on the table and groaned.

“We just have to know where the stuff in the books are,” Tobio continued, placing his hand gently in Shouyou’s soft curls, stroking.

He wasn’t sure when he had started using his given name in his head, but he was sure that Shouyou’s sudden use of Tobio’s given name was cataclysmic. He didn’t mind. He enjoyed hearing his name from Shouyou, it made him feel at home, it felt right. Tobio had not yet dared to say it out loud, as opposed to Shouyou who felt no qualms in shouting “Tobio” whenever and wherever.

“Hmprfh,” Shouyou grumbled.

Tobio knew well where the stuff in the books were. He knew exactly where to look up informed consent, statistical analysis, backdoor identification and all the other topics they had covered in the class about scientific method, the one that all first year students in university had to go through. He wasn’t at the library to cram even more knowledge about the whereabouts of methodological knowledge, he was at the library to spend time with Hinata.

He gently carded his fingers through the orange hair.

It was odd how soft this ritual had become. In the beginning he had gripped his hair and shook him like Shouyou owed him money, but as his feelings for the other man had grown, the hair touching had grown softer. Maybe it was a subconscious way of not making Shouyou go prematurely bald.

“Shouyou, let’s go home.”

He sighed, “Okay.”

They gathered their things silently and started heading home, the understanding that Shouyou would stay the night yet again implicit, implicitly understood. They headed out, walked towards the metro station, boarded the metro station and got off at Tobio’s stop.

They were walking side by side through the mild spring air.

If anyone were to asked at a later time, Tobio would never be able to identify what gave him the courage, but he was glad it so suddenly appeared. He took Shouyou’s hand, his heart beating wildly in his chest of the fear of Shouyou rejecting his advance. In response, Shouyou just locked their fingers together, swinging their hands gently as they walked.

He stared straight ahead as he uttered the words,

“Shoyou. I think I am in love with you.”

Shoyou stopped in his tracks, and Tobio felt his heart drop thousands of feet down.

“Tobio,” he whispered, “Look at me.”

Tobio reluctantly turned against him, their hands still interlocked. Shouyou carefully took his other hand.

“How fitting,” he started and looked straight at Tobio, “I’m in love with you too.”

Tobio rarely smiled, in fear of scaring others with his smile, but he could do absolutely nothing to contain his smile. It etched itself on his face, filling his entire being with giddiness, happiness. He looked down at Shouyou, at their interlocked hands.

“I’m so in love with you I’m about to explode,” he whispered.

Shouyou smiled brightly, that smile that lightened up the room, the entire world.

“Me too,” he replied easily, hoisting himself on his toes and capturing Tobio’s lips with their own.

It was clumsy. It was Tobio’s first kiss, and while his instinct got him some of the way, it was fumbling. He didn’t know if it was Shouyou’s first kiss as well. It didn’t matter. Their teeth clacked, and Shouyou wobbled on account of standing on his tip toes. Tobio loosened their hands in favour of wrapping his arms around Shouyou, bringing him closer to him. Every cell in his body chanted Shouyou’s name, begging to be closer to him, begging to be completely enveloped in him. The additional confidence provided by the stability of Tobio’s arms wrapped around Shouyou made their kiss hungrier, more daring.

Tobio became acutely aware of the fact that they were standing in public. He withdrew, even though every instinct it his body screamed not to.

He cupped Shouyou’s jaw with his hand, slowly stroking his cheek with his thumb.

“Let’s go home,” he muttered.

Shouyou nodded, and with their hands yet again interlocked they returned to their journey.

-

Yay, you made it Supersetter8!

sugarcube: oh hey!!!
big cat: ur back!!!
Sawamura: Welcome back :)
Supersetter8: Hello.
big cat: uve become Supersetter8….
Supersetter8: [image]
Supersetter8: Shouyou says hi.

The image attached to the message was a picture of Shouyou proudly holding Inu the cat in his arms like a baby, Tobio standing close to Shouyou while staring resolutely at the camera. Shouyou’s smile was wide, threatening to take over the entire screen.

Supersetter8: @big cat I have met eight cats now.