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“Hm..?” Kazuma groggily muttered, opening his eyes to the darkness. He couldn’t exactly place the time, for the drapes were always drawn in their bed chamber the night before, but he could feel a distinct hold on his wrist. It was delicate, perhaps too much so, as Kazuma found the subtle and rhythmic stroking maddening.
“Barok..?” the awoken man asked into the void, which caused the other to pause their movement. Soon Kazuma felt the touch leave his wrist, shuffling the covers as it retreated underneath them.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” came the clear voice of Barok van Zieks, void of any sleepiness, making Kazuma wonder how long his partner was at it before he awoke, and subsequently, caught him.
Kazuma laughed drily, “that didn’t work out exactly, did it?”
A pause.
“Having an early day in?” the smaller man asked, knowing fully well that this could be the case, as annoying it was.
“Not quite…” the sheets shuffled, and the same hand from before brushed away Kazuma’s fringe, letting Barok peck his forehead, “go back to sleep, I’ll be back before you know it.”
“You better,” Kazuma teased, cuddling into the plush pillow, as the drowsiness closed his eyes.
His partner got out of bed with a chuckle, presumably to get dressed.
“Rest well, Kazuma,” Barok said after a while, as he left the bedroom with a soft click of the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pure white snow fell, so calm, so gentle and so deceitfully innocent.
A devil in disguise, a ruse.
Face stung, every little flaked kiss burned a mark into his cream face.
Feet of ice, yet he continued to walk.
He shuttered, coughed, probably a fever.
But he can’t collapse now, when the truth was so near.
It took them four days to find a lead.
Four days too many, in his opinion.
He had to keep going, he could feel it in his grasp.
For the victim, for their family.
Just a bit more.
Just a bit…
Just…
His vision clouded and his muscles went weak.
He plummeted, snow embracing him like an old friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With a burst of energy, Kazuma flung open the drapes, basking in the morning light with a pleased sigh. Usually, an incredulous huff would follow the sudden brightness, but alas, Kazuma was alone this morning, to his disappointment.
Looking out the window, the scene was like out of a painting. The yard brimming with colorful blooms, all swarmed with an array of butterflies and bees. No sign of upcoming rain was near, and the wind seemed as calm as ever. Kazuma’s day off couldn’t have been any more perfect, as he could finally go out and relax with a good book in hand. With no downpour nor work to stop him, he finally felt content.
After a morning stretch, Kazuma quickly dressed himself in a white dress shirt and casual pair pants, and swiftly combed back his bed hair as an afterthought. He grabbed a recently borrowed book he’s been enjoying, and left the bedchamber, soon reaching the foyer.
Looking through a window out could not compare with the reality that was the garden. The fresh air added to the calming sense of nature that Kazuma adored, and one that not even the finest incense could compete against.
“Rest well?” came a low voice from behind, as an arm circled Kazuma’s hip, which came as a surprise, but a pleasant one. The shorter man sighed in relief, relaxing into the other man’s touch, as he truly didn’t want to spend the morning on his own, no matter how good of a book it was Kazuma was holding.
“Mhm…” the shorter man turned to peck Barok on the cheek. Kazuma always had to go tip-toe just to do it, but sometimes it was worth the reaction, as currently a pretty shade of pink painted Barok’s cheeks, which was adorable, “I thought you’d still be gone, but I must admit, I’m glad to be wrong.”
Barok smiled at that, a sight that made Kazuma’s heart flutter, because of how rare yet genuine it was. How could someone so imposing be so precious all at once? It was stunning, nevertheless, puzzling.
“In that case, would you indulge me in a walk, Kazuma?”
Of course he would.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warmth enveloped him as he laid in a soft bed. With a warm wet cloth covering his head, he could feel the drops sliding off his smooth face, but truth be told, he wasn’t sure if it came from the fabric or himself.
His murky eyes blinked, there was a fire, the yellow tin giving it away, and so warm, but the place wasn’t burning.
It was a fireplace.
He was indoors.
How unexpected.
He couldn’t remember how he got here, or why, but that didn’t matter.
His head pounded like a drummer did on their instrument, he couldn’t recall the events even if he tried. Nor did the cloth help sooth his ache.
“Is he ok? You have to tell me! I beg of you!”
A voice.
Familiar.
Anxious.
Afraid.
He closed his eyes again, he felt sick, but more than just physically.
Footsteps.
Several.
The door opened, and they came in.
One of them slumped by his bed, in defeat.
“What were you thinking…?”
The voice was shaky and low, making his heart drop.
He knew he shouldn’t have over worked himself.
He knew it would cause this.
He knew.
Yet he did it anyway.
Why is he like this to the people most dear to him?
And to himself?
“You could have died! Don’t you have any self preservation?”
An explosion, fired up from the depths of the other’s heart.
Nurses backed away, not wanting to be part of the onslaught. As they knew it’ll do no good to interrupt.
The voice was full of emotion one might mistake as rage, but it only was a thin cover.
A ruse, just like the devilish snow.
Yet it was justified, he thought.
Because he was an idiot.
His stomach hurt, full of guilt.
A sad diet he fed himself, over these few days.
He heard a sigh.
“Asougi… Look at me.”
He could feel a hand on his, warmer in comparison.
His grip was still weak, but he tightened it best he could.
To let the other know that he was here.
Alive, and safe.
“Please…”
He opened his eyes and looked.
That’s when he saw the other’s.
Full of sadness, fear, anger and a sort of desperation that he never wanted to see in those blue eyes again, as tears threatened to fall.
It made him almost weep.
“Please! Don’t do something this moronic, again..!”
They inhaled, lowering their head, clutching harder at the other’s hand.
Their voice went soft now, almost like a prayer.
“...I really can’t lose another person that I-”
The other couldn’t finish what they began, as a sob escaped their lips, but he knew what was left unsaid.
Because Kazuma Asougi knew Barok Van Zieks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two of them were on a wooden bridge, leaning on its railing, peacefully watching the stream below. In it, the fish swayed their tails smoothly as they swam, making little ripples on the surface of the delicate pure water. Near it, vast vegetation hugged its sides as crickets and other insects were heard singing from a distance.
“I remember coming here with my brother as a child, long before this bridge even existed,” Barok ended the silence, still looking down at the water, voice full of longing fondness, “summer was, is, the optimum time for fishing, so Klimt made sure to take full advantage of it, he’d even bring some of his college friends along, but it usually was just the two of us. It was always just something to relax to, as there’s no real rush to catch anything, we’d even have days where we’d returned empty handed, but no less content.”
Their family was a rare topic to bring up after all that happened nearly four years ago now. In spite of that, they’ve finally healed enough to where the conversations weren’t as taboo. Even when there were days their hearts would mutually ache, like it would on the anniversary of the jarring case, they understood the importance of opening up, as both learned keeping to themselves only made things worse. It of course was difficult, but the progress was showing.
Barok looked at his partner, a small smile showing on his face, “one time, Klimt dared me to catch one of those big fish with just a net, and guess what I ended up catching?”
“What?” the exchange student leaned in curiously, somehow already expecting the unexpected.
“A cold,” he grinned as Kazuma gasped out a laugh, “I was such a klutz that I slipped straight into the chilly water,” Barok sighed, leaning lower onto the railing, “Thus my brother, trying not to laugh, ended up having to fish me out instead. I was so embarrassed, I thought I’d die from it.”
Shaking his head with a smile still plastered on his face, Kazuma admitted, “I’m not sure I’d be as strong willed, as your brother was, to not laugh that is.”
Barok looked away, as if shy of what he was about to say, “And that’s what I find beautiful about you, Kazuma…” he shook his head, “you’re just honest, and I truly appreciate that, so thank you…” Barok inhaled, turning his head back to Kazuma, “for being you.”
Stunned, Kazuma flushed at the compliment. He didn’t know what to say, or do, it was so sudden it caught the younger man completely off guard. How pathetic, in a relationship for years now with a man right in front of him and yet feelings were something that still overwhelmed him. Why couldn’t he be better at this? There has been so much time since that day. So why? There’s so much he could say back, so many nice things… Perhaps he wasn’t so “upfront” after all.
“Kazuma, Look at me.”
Snapping out of his sorrows, Kazuma looked, and was met with the softest face he’d ever seen from the ex-reaper, complete with the millionth (but no less effective) smile that day, and a caress to his face that made Kazuma want to mealt.
“Don’t overthink it, ok? We don’t need to be perfect.”
They truly didn’t, as this was perfect enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His recovery was swift, all things considered.
Yet, things were different.
Van Zieks was different.
“Take my coat, it’s much warmer than yours, and there’s quite the blizzard outside.”
At that, Kazuma was bundled up rather insistently by Van Zieks, everything to a scarf and gloves.
It felt… bizarre.
Yet, Kazuma stood there, in a coat bigger than him, not able to recall why he was being dressed in the first place.
He, frankly, was too distracted to remember.
All he could focus on was the nimble hands, diligently working on his attire.
The delicate caresses, smoothing out the wrinkles.
The warmth when they lingered, longer then they probably should have.
Kazuma could feel himself go red.
It was the heat, he told himself.
But he knew he was lying.
“There, you’re all done.”
Van Zieks said, backing away.
Kazuma instantly wished he didn’t.
Because now they just stood there, looking at each other in silence.
Van Zieks suddenly broke eye contact, his pale face gaining a tint of rouge.
Questions filled Kazuma’s mind when he noticed.
Questions he himself wasn’t sure he wanted answers to.
Except for one.
“When you held my hand that day, what were you going to say?”
Kazuma already knew, but he needed to hear it from the man.
He needed the confirmation, assuming it seemed wrong.
Even if it’s something this obvious.
Van Zieks slowly looked back, face blank, yet his eyes betrayed him.
There was an inhale, and he spoke...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I love you,” Barok whispered, touching his forehead to Kazuma’s with a steady pressure, continuing to caress the other’s cheek with his thumb.
“I know,” the shorter man replied, leaning into the warmth of Barok’s large hand, “I love you too.”
They lingered, looking into each other's eyes in comfortable silence. Kazuma getting lost along the way in those vast eyes, their blue hue and serenity. He couldn’t imagine his being as grand, but the way his partner gazed into them , it made all the doubts wash away.
“I love your eyes,” the sky whispered to the earth, “they’re hypnotizing.”
Heart hammering, Kazuma couldn't take it anymore, so he leaned in, brushing his lips against Barok’s slightly chapped ones. His partner groaned at the sensation, taking him by the hip before he fully pressed their lips himself. It was a sweet pressure Kazuma has grown accustomed to over the years, but he wanted more.
Hooking his arms around Barok’s neck, he brought the taller man closer, deepening the kiss. A sound escaped the other’s throat, as if caught off guard at the boldness Kazuma suddenly presented. It stirred something within the younger man, making him feel powerful, yet completely powerless at the same time. Like at any moment he could lose control, but it didn’t scare him, it excited him.
Moments later, they pulled away, gasping and flushed, once again looking at each other's eyes.’
“Marry me,” the rough voice of Barok Van Zieks spoke.
Kazuma blinked at him, mouth agape, “W-What?”
Barok hid his head in the other’s shoulder, embracing him tight, “I know we can’t but…” he sighed, “would you? If you could?”
Kazuma felt himself shutter, full of emotions he couldn’t put on paper, his eyes stung with tears and something in the pit of his stomach ached.
“Yes,” he leaned away from Barok, just so he could see his face, “yes, yes I would.”
Bitter tears fell down their faces, but a sweet kiss sealed the deal.