Chapter Text

Hello. My name's Lincoln Loud. And I'm about to show you the countless stories of my life.

~Royal Woods, Michigan~

Royal Woods, Michigan; my hometown. It's not much to be brutally honest, but I can't think of a better home than this small town in the Great Lakes State.

~A Particular Spot~

And speaking of homes, here's the house that I live in, along with my parents, 10 sisters, 4 pets, and a housemate.

*A series of pictures of the inhabitants appear, starting with...*

My parents; Lynn and Rita. My dad was finishing his college semester by the time he met my mom, the daughter of a soldier, who worked as a crossing guard at my elementary school. By the time they got married and found their ideal home, they had a total of 11 kids, with me, the only son, as the "monkey in the middle".

The eldest of us is Lori. She tends to be bossy and moody, and she has a bad temper. As such, she tends to come off as somewhat rude and condescending towards those not familiar with her; but, aside from that, she's friendly and kind. Being the oldest, she's also the most responsible when Mom and Dad aren't around.

Next, there's Leni. Despite being the second-oldest, she is quite ditzy and is very forgetful, absent-minded, and not that bright. And yet, our only housemate finds this adorable. More on that later.

Anyway, of the 10 sisters I have, the one sister that I probably have the best dynamic with is the third child, Luna, a total music lover. She is very happy, wild, caring, and easily the loudest sibling of the entire family; and that last part wasn't exaggerated, because she really emphasizes our family surname. What she likes most is singing, playing musical instruments, and being with her family, mainly me for some reason. There's a lot about Luna that I could talk about, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

The fourth child in the family is Luan. She is a very goofy and fun-loving girl with an enthusiasm for comedy and making puns, though some of her material still needs work as it usually comes off as annoying than funny.

Whereas Luna is the one sister that I probably have the best dynamic with, the one sister that I undoubtedly struggle with all the time is the fifth child, who happens to be named after my dad. So, she's Lynn Loud Junior. Lynn is athletic and competitive. She loves to play sports and enjoys roughhousing with her siblings, especially me. She enjoys playing many different types of sports, including football, soccer, hockey, basketball, and baseball. She is also skilled in various forms of martial arts, such as kickboxing, Mexican wrestling (or lucha libre), and parkour. Lynn tends to turn everything into a competition, which we consider to be her most annoying habit. She is also shown to be very competitive and strives to be "number one" in every game she plays, even when winning isn't involved. Again, there's a lot I could say.

Being the middle sibling, there are times when I'm literally in the middle of scuffles between Lynn and the seventh child in the family, Lucy. Lucy is a gloomy, cynical, deadpan, and mysterious goth girl who is almost always seen with a stoic frown. She is interested in occultism, poetry, and the works of Gothic authors. She has an uncanny ability to seemingly teleport to different places, which often spooks the living daylights out of us, including me. Some of us refer to her as a "spooky" girl. She frequently uses words to describe her actions, such as saying the word "Sigh" instead of actually sighing. Occasionally, she feels left out that nobody listens to her and everyone thinks she is weird (despite their obvious quirks), but that's not always the case. For me, I just wish she would stop jump-scaring us.

Next, we have the only twins in the family, Lana and Lola. Lana, the oldest twin (making her the eighth child), is a tomboy, contrasting with the girly personality of Lola, the youngest twin (making her the ninth child).

Lana loves to play in the mud and enjoys getting her hands dirty. Her pleasures are found in filth of all kinds, and anything unhygienic, from playing with frogs (and rats) to digging in the trash for chewed gum to doing business outdoors. Despite her tomboyishness and gross habits, she is a decent enough person and is loving toward her family; in fact, my dynamic with Lana is probably right behind the one I have with Luna. She also helps her family with more of the household jobs like unclogging the toilet and cleaning the animals out; she’s also a mechanic prodigy and fixes vehicles from time to time.

Meanwhile, Lola is a sharp-tongued beauty queen. She carries a great sense of self-importance and is always ready to be on the offense if someone crosses her. She can be quite materialistic and will go to great lengths to get what she wants. She is particularly skilled at making money (even if she must deceive others) and dedicates much of her time to winning beauty pageants. Despite being image-focused, she takes school seriously and makes it a point to get her work done in order to allow her the flexibility to focus on pageant training. Lola's interests include anything girly - this includes fashion shows, makeup, and posing for photo shoots. She is constantly claiming how beautiful she is, and can't look away from a mirror for more than five seconds, which gets on everybody's nerves.

The tenth child in the family is Lisa. Though the second-youngest, Lisa is a child prodigy. So, she's the smartest kid in the bunch. Because of this, she often tends to be egocentric, boorish, condescending, and sarcastic with other people. She speaks with a lateral lisp, and usually has a stoic frown, though she does smile from time to time. When it comes to working on strange experiments and inventions, some of them are rather impressive, while others tend to get on our nerves.

The youngest of the family is Lily, who is still a newborn. All I can say about Lily is that she's always happy and enjoys being with her siblings. She can speak at times, but she still babbles mostly.

In the house, we have four pets. A Pitbull Terrier named Charles, a blueish-black cat named Cliff, a hamster named Geo (VI), and a canary named Walt. Charles tends to be troublesome or lazy depending on the situation; Cliff doesn't do much; Geo is surprisingly careful when rolling in his hamster ball; and Walt is just a total grump.

*A computer screen turns on in a bedroom, with the webcam revealing a young man around Lori or Leni's age*

Finally, there's our only housemate, and the only other male aside from me and my dad (and our pets). In our house, the bedrooms each have two people. My rather small room is no exception. This young man you see here is not only my roommate but also one of my best friends, Jackson "Jax" Delaney.

Jackson is what you might call a "jack of all trades" (or "Jax of all trades" if you're Luan). By day, he loves making internet content, he's a music lover like Luna, and he's just as responsible (and bad-tempered) as Lori. But by night, he takes to the streets and searches for any nighttime crimes being committed, like a superhero; our family knows this secret, but we wish he would be as careful as possible. And get this: Long ago, he actually used to date Leni, but sometime after he moved in with us, they broke up. No one knows why, and they never talk about it, but we respect their privacy when it comes to that tale.

There's a lot more I could say right now, but I think the stories should speak for themselves.

Without further ado, allow me to show you the stories of...

-~=-~=-~=-

*Play this*

Crashing through the crowded halls, dodging girls like ping-pong balls, just to reach the bathroom on time. (Hey! Hey! Hey!)
Leaping over laundry piles. Diapers you can smell for miles. Guy's gotta do what he, can, to, survive! 

In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
Duck, dodge, push, and shove, is how we show our love!
In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
One boy, and ten girls! Wouldn't trade it for the world!

Loud! House! Loud! Loud House!

It's always an amazing race, pouring into someone's space. Can I find my place in the world?
Permanently in a crowd, can't turn the volume down, when you're the only boy in a house full of girls!

In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
Duck, dodge, push, and shove, is how we show our love!
In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
Chaos with eleven kids! That's just the way it is!
In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
Where everybody wants to shine! Sorry, gotta wait in line!

Loud! House! Loud! Loud House!

Me time. A little room to breathe time. A little quiet and peace I've never had.
At least, I'm never lonely.
We're never lacking for a sports team!
Maybe, this crazy's not that ba~d!

In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
Duck, dodge, push, and shove, is how we show our love!
In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
Gotta love Mom and Dad, for not going completely mad!
In the Loud House! In the Loud House!
One boy, and ten girls! Wouldn't trade it for the world!

Loud! House! Loud! Loud House!

Lily: Poo-poo!

Jackson: Shh! Who said you could speak?

Lincoln: *Giggles*

Chapter Text

[The show's very first episode begins with an ARGGH! advertisement]

Hunter Spector: "Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, specter hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!"

[The ARGGH logo dissolves into a calendar in Lincoln and Jackson's room. Lincoln's got the current date highlighted with all past days crossed out before marking the current day, while Jackson is recording a vlog session on his computer.]

Lincoln: "It's finally here! The live season finale of the greatest show ever!" [He realizes he's being watched by Jackson's recording] 

Jackson: You wanna talk about it?

Lincoln: "Alright, I know you're probably saying to yourselves 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show'. And, you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing." [Cut to a flashback of the sisters fighting over the remote as Lincoln and Jackson enter with popcorn; End flashback.] "But tonight, we have a plan." [Breaks out his walkie-talkie] "Cadets Lincoln and Jackson calling Cadet Clyde. Do you read us?"

Clyde: "This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear! I'm so excited! We finally get to watch ARGGH together. And by together, I mean you two at your house, and me at mine, right?"

Lincoln: [To the recording] "For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister, Lori. It gets awkward."

Jackson: [Whispers] "Real awkward."

Clyde: [Looking dreamily at a drawing of Lori.] "Hubba hubba."

Lincoln: "Clyde? Clyde? Do you read us?"

Clyde: "Uh, you better hurry, guys. It's almost 8:00!"

Lincoln: "It's time to put 'Operation Distract My Sisters So That We Can Get To The TV First & Watch the Special Live Season Finale Of ARGGH & Think Of A Shorter Name For This Operation' into action."

Jackson: I think we should call it 'Operation Dibs', 'cause it's dibs on the-"

[The boys are alerted by the sound of the twins marching out of their room.]

Twins: [Chanting] "Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!"

Lincoln: "Did someone say..." [Reveals a teapot and a box of cookies] "'Tea party'?"

Lola: "Eeeee! Thank you, Lincoln!"

[She takes the items and goes back to her room. Lana just glares at Lincoln, displeased]

Lana: [Annoyed] "Hey, I don't wanna be part of some dumb old tea party! I'm gonna watch TV!"

Lincoln: "Not even if these guys are invited?" [Holds out two frogs; one croaks.]

Lana: "Eeeee! Thanks, Lincoln!" [Takes the frogs and goes back to her room as Luan exits her room.]

Jackson: "Hey, Luan."

Luan: "Hey, Jax. I was just heading downstairs to watch TV. I heard that Jeff Dun-"

Jackson: "You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again."

[Lola and Lana are fighting.]

Lola: "You can't! You can't! VIP only!"

Luan: "This is totally gonna go viral!" [Goes back to her room to get her video camera] "Thanks, Jax!"

Lola: "Ow. Ow!"

[Lisa and Lily come out of their room.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lisa." [Blocks Lily] "I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed."

Lisa: "Everything on the list I gave you?"

Lincoln: "Yep!"

Lisa: "The lactose, Triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose, and gallus gallus ovum?"

Lincoln: "Uh, you mean milk, flour, salt, sugar, and eggs?" [Holds out said ingredients]

Lisa: "You say tomato, I say Solanum Lycopersicum. Thank you." [Takes the ingredients and goes back into her room]

Lynn: "Yeah! 2 minutes to game time! Whoo!"

Jackson: "Hey, Lynn, check it out." [Holds out a football that starts floating] "I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more."

Lynn: "I demand more!"

[Leni is approaching.]

Lincoln: [Holds a babbling Lily and takes the football] "Uh, go long!"

[Whistle blows as Lincoln throws it, and Lynn struggles to get the ball.]

Lynn: "Get over here, you!"

Jackson: "Oh, my gosh, Leni!"

Leni: "What?! Is there a spider on me?!" [Frantically rubs her head] "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! GET IT OFF!"

Jackson: "Worse. There's a zit on the end of your nose!"

Leni: "I'm a hideous monster!" [Runs away to the bathroom as Lily laughs obliviously]

Luna: [Exits her room] "Hey, bro! TV tonight is gonna be ROCKIN'!" [Strums her guitar] "Yeah!"

Jackson: "Or... you can have your very own flashlight rock show... in your bedroom." [Holds out a colorful flashlight]

Luna: "That is sweet!" [Takes it] "Thanks, Jax!" [Goes back into her room]

Lori: "Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show!"

Lincoln: [Takes out the phone and passes it to Jackson] "Better call her boyfriend."

Jackson: "I know, Linc." [Dials a number on it] "Hey, Lori! [Runs to her] Hey, Lori, I found your phone!"

Lori: [Snatches her phone] "Give me that! How many times do I have to tell you two knuckleheads to keep your hands off my stuff!" [Lincoln counts down from 3 and the phone rings] "Hello? Oh, hi, Bobby." [Laughs] "No, I didn't text you to call me, but I'm glad you did!" [To Lincoln and Jackson] "Thanks for nothing, twerps!"

Jackson: [Contemptly] "Jerk."

[Lincoln, upon noticing Lily sleeping, lays her in a laundry basket, and kisses her forehead.]

Lincoln: "Good night, Lily." [To Jackson] "And that makes 10."

Jackson: "Time to rock and roll!" [He and Lincoln slide down the stairs and jump to the floor; to the recording] "Like we said, we might not be the fastest, and we might not be the strongest, but to get all of the sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan."

Lucy: "You forgot me."

Lincoln & Jackson: "Ahh!" [As an organ pipe plays, they fall to the ground after getting startled by the sister below Lincoln]

Lincoln: [He and Jackson get back up] "Lucy! We always forget about Lucy!"

Lucy: "Story of my life."

Jackson: "What are you doing here, Luce?"

Lucy: "It's the Season 2 Premiere of my favorite show, Vampires of Melancholia."

Jackson: "And yet, at the same time, the Season 2 Finale of ARGGH is also occurring."

Lincoln: "This is the episode of ARGGH that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let me watch it. Pretty please with a black cherry on top?"

Lucy: "I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule. I was here..." [Sternly] "...first." [Jackson gulps]

Lincoln: "NOOOOOO!" [Looks at the remote and licks it] "Ha! Short-circuited!"

Lucy: [Holds up another remote] "You do know that's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet, right?"

[Lincoln gags, rubs his tongue, and spits out the germs, while Jackson just face-palms. He then sobs.]

Lucy: "Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold, and tormented, and mysterious. Sigh... If only he wasn't from another century."

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "Another century! That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy, old, black-and-white TV."

Lucy: "Black and white are my favorite colors."

Lincoln: "Yeah, it'll make watching my show a little bit more... spooky!"

Lucy: "Spooky is also my favorite color."

Lincoln: "Well, enjoy your vampires."

Lucy: "Wait! I'll take the old TV!" [Lincoln and Jackson smile smugly]

[Cut to Lucy's room, where Lincoln and Jackson are found grunting to get the heavy TV to the other side of the bed.]

Lincoln: "How can only two colors be so heavy?" [Puts it on the bed as Lucy shrugs] "Here you are. Now, to plug it... in." [Notices how the plug is crooked] So, you can be happy, or sad, or whatever that emotion is. And Jackson and I won't be left in the dark." [Plugs in the TV, but unfortunately, the plug is broken, and the power goes out]

Jackson: "Uh-oh."

Lincoln: "Dang it."

[Many of the Loud kids murmur in confusion about the power outage.]

Lori: "Alright! Alright! Everybody just calm down!"

Leni: "Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!"

Lori: "No, my sweet, naive little roommate. You didn't go blind. What the heck happened?"

Jackson: [He and Lincoln arrive] "S-Sorry. That was our doing."

Lincoln: "Jackson and I were just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out."

Lori: "Of course, it was your fault, boys."

[All the other sisters complain about what their brother and housemate did.]

Luan: "Lincoln!"

Lincoln: "What? All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!"

Luan: "Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! [Laughs as her siblings and Jackson groan] "Get it? Get it?"

Jackson: "You and your unnecessary humor, Luan."

Lisa: [Suprisingly unfazed by the pun] "That one was so good, it deserves a cookie." [Hands her an Oreo]

Luan: "Oh, thanks." [Eats it] "So, anyway, here's a better one that I have: What does one light bulb say to the other?" [She suddenly starts glowing]

[The rest of the siblings and Jackson gasp.]

Luan: "What? What's wrong? Why is everyone gasping?"

Jackson: "L-Luan, you're... y-you're...!"

Lincoln: "You're glowing!"

Luan: "Oh. I already told you that one?"

Luna: "No, dude! You are glowing!"

Jackson: "You're a human glowstick!"

Luan: "I am?" [Notices that she is] "Hey, wow! I am a human glowstick! COOL! I need a superhero name!"

Lori: "Everyone, back away from Luan. [The siblings and Jackson do so] Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore!"

Leni: "Yeah! Not after what you did to me!"

Jackson: [Confused] "Wait. What happened?"

Lisa: "I jabbed a syringe needle into Leni's neck and injected an experimental serum into her system."

Lola: "Which did what exactly?"

Leni: "My face got covered in blemishes! Not to mention, my head started to inflate like a balloon!"

Lana & Luan: [Trying not to laugh] "Pfft! What?!"

[Cut to a flashback of Leni and Lisa in the bathroom, with Leni experiencing side effects from Lisa's experiment. Her head is extremely swollen and her face is covered in blemish-like substances.]

Leni: "My face feels funny."

[End flashback]

Lisa: "Classic." [Chuckles mischievously as Lori and Leni roll their eyes]

Jackson: "You should be grateful that your head didn't pop like a balloon. Otherwise, you'd be displaying a rather gruesome sight for us to gaze at."

Lynn: [Disgusted] "Ugh. Thanks for the thought."

Lincoln: "So, what's the story behind the Oreo?"

Lisa: "I was experimenting on a stash of them."

Luan: "And I got to try one! I just ate one and boom! I'm a walking glowstick! I didn't even notice the one I just ate came from the same stash until this happened."

Luna: "I hope it's not..." [Ponders] "What's the word?"

Jackson: "'Nuclear'."

Luna: "Yeah, that one."

Jackson: "There's nothing nuclear in them, is there? I mean, this yellowish-green glow that Luan's giving off should be a dead giveaway."

Lisa: "Actually, not even a pinch. All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the Aequorea Victoria Jellyfish into a cookie."

Lynn: "The A... what Victoria Jellyfish?

Lincoln: "The Crystal Jellyfish."

Lynn: "Oh, that one! Don't they glow in the dark?"

Lisa: "Hence me saying 'bioluminescent'. Because of what I did, Luan and I call them Gloweos. Besides, now, we can see."

Lori: "Okay. Everyone, I change my mind. Huddle around Luan."

[They slowly do as Lori says.]

Jackson: "I mean, with the lack of flashlights in this house, aside from the one I gave to Luna, there's only one light source at the moment."

Lori, Leni, & Luna: "We're working on it!"

Luan: "Well, Jackson's right about one thing: I always knew I was the light of your life." [Giggles as Jackson and the rest of the siblings groan]

Lincoln: "Okay. So, how about we get that power back on?"

Lori: [Sternly] "Hey, when Mom and Dad are out, I'm in charge. So, first, we need to get a head count to make sure we're all here."

Lincoln: "I'll do it!" [Pointing at each head present] "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. And me, that's 11. Yep, that's all of us. We are all here and accounted for."

Jackson: [Notices something] "Wait. 11? Shouldn't there be 12 of us?"

Lucy: [Appears] "You forgot me."

[Lincoln and Jackson scream and fall to the ground after getting startled by Lucy again.]

Lori: "Okay. Now, we're all here."

Lincoln: [He and Jackson get up] "Can I go flip the circuit breaker and get the lights back on before Lucy gives me a heart attack?"

Jackson: "Yeah, the last thing we want right now is a series of heart problems!"

Lori: "Again, in charge. I'll do it. Where's this circuit breaker thingy?"

[Lily taps Lynn's cheek.]

Lincoln: "In the basement."

Jackson: [Surprised] "You guys have a basement?"

Leni: [Surprised] "You're just learning this now?!"

Lucy: "Actually, there's a reason why we don't talk about the basement that much."

Jackson: "Why?"

[The kids arrive at the basement, where a crowbar is present.]

Jackson: [Immediately understands] "Oh. I see." [Grabs it] "This door's stiff, isn't it?" [The Loud kids nod as he opens the door a little and uses the crowbar to open it completely] "There. Now, we can..." [Notices how dark the basement is] "...find the circuit breaker."

[Lori cautiously approaches the doorway.] 

Lucy: "There's only one light bulb down there, but we don't use it often. So, whenever we want to go into the basement, we only do it during daytime."

[Lori's silhouette peers over the basement's darkness.]

Lori: "Why am I the one who has to do this?"

The Other Loud Kids: [At the same time, angrily] "Because you're in charge!"

Jackson: "What they said."

Lori: "Alright, alright!" [Luan smiles smugly] "Come on, Luan. Light the way."

Luan: "That's the brightest idea you've had all day!" [Giggles as Lori pulls her from the others]

Lori: "How about a little less pun-making, and a little more being helpful? The last thing we want is more absolute nonsense."

Luan: [Her glow goes away] "Uh... You mean, like this?" [The others gasp] "Ooh. I thought I was staying in tonight, but I guess I'm going out!" [Luan giggles as the others except Jackson and Lori groan]

Lori: "Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. We won't tell."

Lisa: [On her clipboard] "Negative. That was the last one. I sent the others away." [Jackson face-palms]

Lori: "Just great..." [Hears a wooden creak and gasps in fear, before hiding behind the pack] "There's something in the basement! I'm not going down there!"

Lynn: [Teasing Lori] "Ooh! You're scared of the dark!"

Jackson: "LJ, please."

Lori: "I am not! You're the one who's scared."

Lynn: "I'm not afraid of anything."

Lucy: "Boo."

Lynn: "AAH!"

[While most of the girls start arguing, Lincoln and Jackson try to break it up, and the twins start to tremble with fright.]

Twins: "THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT!!!" [Sobbing as Jackson comforts them]

Lincoln: "Guys! We're running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I..." [Sighs in realization] "...fix this."

Lincoln & Jackson: "OKAY, QUIET!" [The girls stop]

Jackson: "Thank you!"* [Leni and Luan gulp]

Luna: [Meekly] "Sorry, music buddy."

Lincoln: "Come here, you two. It's okay." [Hugs the twins to comfort them] "There's nothing to be afraid of. Your big brother will protect you. In fact... I will protect all of you! For I am Cadet Lincoln! Highly trained student of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters! Or... ARGGH!"

Jackson: "Oh, boy."

Lori: "What you said."

Lincoln: [Puts on night vision goggles and busts out his walkie-talkie] "Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup."

[Enter Clyde. Luna and Luan awkwardly hide behind Jackson and Leni.]

Clyde: "Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty." [Notices Lori and gets aroused] "L-L-L-Lori?" [Starts acting like a robot] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. MUST ABORT MISSION." [Leaves, making Jackson and Lori face-palm]

Lori: "Why do I bother?"

Lincoln: [To Jackson] "We did tell your viewers it gets awkward."

Leni: [Surprised] "Wait. You're recording right now?"

Jackson: "I paused it when Lucy showed up." [Checks his camera]

Lincoln: "Never mind." [Prepares to enter the basement] "I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: The basement. But fear not, with my official ARGGH branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark." [Begins to head down, but slips down the stairs and loses his walkie-talkie, causing Jackson to rush after him]

Jackson: "Lincoln!" [Unfortunately, the same thing happens to him, causing the others to check on them]

Lori: "Lincoln, Jackson, are you okay?"

Jackson: "We survived. That's all that matters."

Lincoln: "The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy, and do not really see in the dark! The good news is, they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor!"

Leni: [Gets an idea] "Hey, Jackson, does your camera have a night vision setting? Maybe, you can use that."

Jackson: "N-No. S-Sorry. I'll have to order one that does, or something similar."

Luan: [Realizes something and pulls out her own camera] "Hey! I think my video camera has a night vision setting."

Lincoln: [Rushes back up] "Sweet!" [Takes it] "It's just like the cameras they use on ARGGH! I'm going in."

Lori: "Wait! You're not leaving us up here all alone, are you? I mean, we couldn't possibly let you go down there all alone. We should all go down together. As a group." [Grins pleadingly]

Lincoln: "Very well. I'll lead the way."

[Cut to the basement; Lincoln leads the way with Luan's camera as his guide.]

Lincoln: "You may want to stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark."

Jackson: "In other words, you should picture yourself as one of the characters from the Paranormal Activity films. Heh. I love that series."

Luan: "There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do like dark humor."

Jackson: "As in, humor about the darkness, or-"

Luan: "Not a word about that! I hate that type of humor!"

Jackson: "Just checking. I'm not exactly a fan of it either."

Leni: "Is someone touching my hand? Is that you, Jax?"

Jackson: "Nope."

Lynn: "You're touching your own hand."

Jackson: "Yep."

Lori: "I hate basements."

Jackson: "Then, why do you live in a house with one?" [The Loud kids just shrug]

[An eerie sound comes.]

Lori: [Gasps] "What's that moaning?!"

Jackson: "I don't know."

[The sound gets louder, making the girls all gasp, and Lincoln turns to the source.]

Lincoln: "Don't freak out. It's just the pipe settling."

Luna: "Yeah, we might need to do something about that."

[Another scary sound emerges.]

Leni: "What's that scratching?!"

[The sound gets louder, making the girls gasp again, and Lincoln checks.]

Lincoln: "Don't be scared. It's just Cliff."

[Cliff is using his scratching post and meows.]

Lana: [Chuckles nervously] "Hey, Cliff. Sorry for neglecting your scratching post."

[Cliff meows and scratches a nearby pipe, making everyone cringe.]

Jackson: "Cliff! That's a metal pipe! Stop scratching it!"

[Cliff stops and walks away.]

Lola: "Thank you."

Jackson: "He listened to me for once. He never listens to me."

Lana: "He's listening now."

Lynn: "Well, that's one less problem out of the-" [Smells something and plugs up her nose] "Yeesh! What is that smell?!"

[The girls gasp again and look around for the source.]

Luna: [Notices something] "Agh! Found it!"

The Others: "Where?!"

Jackson: "Where is it?!"

Luna: "I'm holding it! Or... her."

Lincoln: "Huh?" [Sees something familiar] "Oh. It's just Lily with a full diaper."

[Luna is holding Lily and understandably grossed out by her baby sister's full diaper.]

Lily: [Giggles] "Poo-Poo!"

Luna: "Sh-Should I... leave her back upstairs?"

Lori: "No, we're not leaving her alone, Luna. We need to stay together."

Luna: [Defeated] "Fine. I'll cope with it."

Lincoln: "See, guys? I told you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

[Another ominous noise occurs, surprising the kids.]

Lori: "What is it?!"

???: "Lincoln... LINCOLN..."

Lincoln: [Terrified] "IT'S A GHOST AND IT KNOWS MY NAME!"

[The girls all start running around and every one of them is screaming along with Lincoln; only Lucy awkwardly walks away, and Jackson puts on a determined face.]

Jackson: "Enough of this!" [Lincoln stops screaming] "We're taking this thing head-on!"

Lincoln: [Bravely] "You're right, Jax. We'll save you, sisters!" [He and Jackson give out a battle cry and charge at the ghost, while Lori bumps into something]

Lori: [Panting as she looks at what she bumped into] "What's this?" [Touches something on it, making a loud click] "Hm?"

[The lights come back on and it turns out Lincoln and Jackson are attacking the laundry basket.]

Lori: [Notices what she bumped into] "Oh, it's the circuit breaker! Ha! What luck!" [Turns to the boys]

Lincoln: "Hi-yah! Take that, evil spirit!"

Jackson: "Go back to the darkest realm from whence you came!"

Lori: "Cool it, boys. It's not a ghost. It's just our laundry."

Jackson: [Stops] "What did you say?!" [Notices] "Oh."

[Lincoln emerges from the laundry and sheepishly grins upon noticing; it also turns out that the sound was coming from his walkie-talkie.]

Clyde: [On the other end] "Lincoln! Jackson! Do you read me?"

Lincoln: [Picks up] "Clyde?"

Jackson: "What do you want now?"

Clyde: "I was just calling to say sorry for not being such a good ARGGH cadet. And is your sister ready to date younger men?"

Jackson & Lori: [Annoyed] "Never gonna happen!"

Clyde: "Was that your sister?!" [Robot act] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. OVERLOAD. OVERLOAD."

[Lincoln and Jackson have one of those "The things I have to put up with" looks on their faces.]

Jackson: [Sighs] "The things I have put up with in Royal Woods, Michigan, especially in the Loud House."

Lincoln: "Or just life in general."

Leni: [With her eyes closed] "Guys! I still can't see!"

Lisa: "Open your eyes."

Leni: [Does so] "IT'S A MIRACLE!" [Hugs Jackson]

Luan: "Are you sure you two broke up?"

Jackson: "Don't start." [Luan giggles smugly]

Lori: "Okay. The new plan now: First one to the TV is couch commando."

Lincoln: "Jackson and I can still get there first! Come on, Jax!"

[Lincoln grabs Jackson and hurries to the couch so that they can be the first one and races by all of his sisters; he manages to get there first and grabs the remote and turns on the TV only to find out that his show is now over after all he's been through with his sisters.]

Hunter: "WOW! That was by far the best episode of ARGGH ever! I'd hate to be you if you missed it!"

Jackson: [Face-palms] "Great."

Lincoln: [Shocked] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" [Lamenting] "I can't believe I missed my show..."

[Lincoln starts to cry and hug Jackson, as his sisters all see how miserable he is and feel pretty bad for him.]

Lori: [Hands him some popcorn] "Sorry you missed your show, Lincoln."

Luan: "But you just lived it! Check it out." [Plugs her camera into the TV and shows him what he filmed.] "This might just be better than what ARRGH has to offer!"

[They watch and enjoy their little adventure on film and Lincoln is happy to have actually lived the show instead of just watching it.]

Leni: [To Jackson] "Hey, is your camera still working?"

Jackson: "Hm?" [Remembers] "Oh, right!" [Presses "Play"] "Got anything to say, Linc?"

Lincoln: [He and the others turn to him] "Actually, yes." [To the recording] "You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes, it's about being there together. All of us."

Jackson: "Until then, this is the Loud House signing off." [Tries to end the recording]

Lucy: [Appears] "You forgot me."

Jackson & The Loud Kids: [They all get startled by her appearance] "AAAHH!!!"

Jackson: [Sheepishly] "Sorry, Luce." [Ends the recording]

[The End.]

Chapter Text

Jackson Delaney, nicknamed "Jax", is my main original Loud House character. He is the titular "Not-So-Loud Housemate" of the Loud House, though it's only because he's not related to the Loud Family.

Description: Brown hair; light skin; black t-shirt; black jacket with a yellow insignia (which he created); dark blue jeans; black and white sneakers; same height as Lori; around the same age as Lori or Leni.

Personality: Jackson is more or less a mixture of some of the Loud kids. Like Lincoln, he's a good-hearted, nerdy, and well-meaning person, who is always looking for fun, and thinking about the well-being of others. Like Lori, he's also moody yet just as responsible and would take charge of the house at times. Like Luna, he's into music, which has led to Luna calling him her "music buddy".

Jackson was born to former US Army Sergeant Jack Delaney (hence his name) and Delilah Delaney, the younger sister of Dale Darnell, a known criminal arrested for a slew of bribery charges. For reasons unknown, Jackson doesn't have a healthy relationship with his parents and uncle, and as far as he's concerned, he doesn't know any other relatives in his family. By the time he reached high school, he and three other students he befriended dropped out after freshman year, but they turned it around when they took online courses. During this time, he met Leni (who gave him his future nickname, "Jax"), and the two started dating; in the process, Leni introduced Jackson to the Loud Family and formed a special bond with Lincoln. Sometime after Lily was born, Jackson decided to move into the Loud House, which his parents reluctantly agreed to. However, sometime after he moved in, he and Leni broke up without warning and for reasons unknown. He managed to turn this around by becoming an internet personality; he also bonded with Luna due to their shared love for music, which has led to Luna calling him her "music buddy". Because of his time on the internet, he is able to learn about some of the crimes that occur at night. In response, whenever nighttime arrives, he takes to the streets to apprehend every criminal he comes across like a vigilante; occasionally, he would work in the daytime if the situation dictated. Only a selection of Royal Woods' residents knows about this secret, including the Loud Family, who only wish for him to be "as careful as possible".

Chapter Text

Just another average day at the Loud House. And by "average"...

Well, you'll see in a moment.

[Some video game sound effects are heard; Lincoln and Jackson are playing a couple of VR games on two different headsets.]

Lincoln: "Take that, zombie!" [Jackson is playing a first-person shooter, while Lincoln is fighting zombies with breakdancing.] "Feel my twerk, you evil jerk!"

Jackson: "I don't think you're old enough to say that." [Notices an enemy NPC] "Whoa!" [Shoots them down]

Lincoln: [Killing zombies] "Can't hear ya, Jax! Way too busy!" [Does a pelvic thrust] "Hoo!"

[Lincoln continues to breakdance while Jackson continues to shoot; they go up the stairs and do more moves in the hallway, where they then enter one particular room without realizing.]

Lori: "Lincoln! Jackson!" [Lincoln yelps and takes the goggles off, only to see an irate Lori glaring at him, making him scream in fright.]

Jackson: [Pauses his game and takes his headset off] "Oh, hey, Lori. Sorry for barging in."

Lori: "There's only one particular rule for you two idiots to strictly follow in this house: Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you two in here again, I will literally turn you into a couple of human pretzels!"

???: [Over the phone] "Wait. You're gonna turn me into a human pretzel?"

Lori: [On the phone] "No, not you, Bobby." [Giggles] "One sec, okay?" [Kicks Lincoln and Jackson out of her room]

Jackson: [Gets up] "Excuse me, Princess! If anything, I'm technically allowed in my ex's room."

Lori: "Well, guess what? Your ex ain't here right now!" [Slams the door shut]

[Lincoln gets up, puts his goggles back on, and continues to dance the zombies away.]

Lincoln: "Oh, yeah!" [Goes into the bathroom just as Jackson puts his headset back on; realizes what he's doing in there.] "Wait. Even zombies don't need to see this." [Takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink.]

[There's a knock at the door.]

Lincoln: "Occupied!"

[Outside, it's revealed to be Lori, who groans just as Luna exits her room.]

Luna: "Whatcha playin', Jax?"

Jackson: "It's called Fast Action Hero."

Lori: "Don't you mean Last Action Hero?"

Jackson: "It's a play on said movie's title." [Knocks on Lynn and Lucy's door] "Hey, LJ! You should try this game out! You love action stuff!"

Lucy: [Opens the door] "Sorry, Jackson, but Lynn's got a headache right now." [Widens the opening, revealing a groggy Lynn with an icepack on her head] "Whatever you want to show her will have to wait a little longer."

Jackson: "Oh. Okay." [To Lynn] "It can wait. You just rest up, Baby Lynn."

Lynn: "Not in the house, Big Jax." [Lucy closes the door]

Lori: [Snickers] "That's your nickname for her? 'Baby Lynn'?"

Luna: "Is it because she's Lynn Junior?"

Jackson: "It's because she calls me 'Big Jax'."

Lori: [Turns back to the bathroom and knocks on the door again] "Lincoln, are you done yet?"

[Back inside, Lincoln is washing his hands, albeit with a faulty faucet.]

Lincoln: "Uh... Kinda!"

[The knocking then turns into a pounding.]

Lincoln: [Annoyed] "I can't believe some..." [Answers the door to see Lori standing there]

Lori: [On the phone] "Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today."

Lincoln: [Rhetorically] "That you don't respect a man's privacy?"

Lori: "Whatever." [Kicks him out] "No, silly!" [Closes the door on him] "Not even. She was all like..."

[Lincoln goes to his room but realizes something.]

Lincoln: "Oh, no! My gaming glasses!" [Rushes back to the bathroom but is stopped by Lola and Lana, who are dressed in some kind of police attire.]

Lana: "No running in the hallway!"

Lincoln: "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Lola: "Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?"

Jackson: [Pauses his game and takes his headset off] "Seriously, what are you doing?"

Lana: "Just write him up for the speeding."

Lola: "Understood." [Writes Lincoln up]

Lana: "We're the new hall monitors at school. So, we're practicing at home."

Jackson: "I never really pictured Lola as 'cop material'."

Lana: "Well, as the oldest twin, I have to show her the ropes."

[They give Lincoln a ticket.]

Lola: "If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling an offensive joke." [Reveals Luan in a cardboard jail cell]

Luan: "Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got 12 months!" [Laughs] "Get it?"

Jackson: "That was a boring joke."

Lola: "And that's five more minutes, dirtbag!" [Luan frowns]

Lincoln: "Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear."

Lana: "NO SWEARING! PROMISES ONLY!"

Lincoln: "Then, let me rephrase that: I promise."

Lana: "Good!"

[The twins leave for their room/office.]

Luan: "Uh... Jax?"

[As they shut the door, the boys go to the bathroom to find that Lincoln's goggles are now totaled.]

Lincoln: "Someone stepped on my glasses! NOOOOO!"

[Since Lori kicked him out when he left them in there, he automatically blames her and sees that she left in the family van.]

Lincoln: [Enraged] "LORI! YOU DIRTBAG!" [Goes back inside]

I can't say I blame Lincoln for what Lori (accidentally) did to his gaming goggles, but he should take it easy when it comes to stuff like this.

[Later, Jackson sticks his arm into the twins' room, holding a bottle of apple juice.]

Jackson: "Snack for the prisoner."

[Lana sighs and takes the bottle to give to Luan, and Jackson leaves for Lincoln's room, where Clyde is being told the story of the incident.]

Lincoln: "One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next..." [Groans] "It's all Lori's fault!"

Clyde: [Holding the goggles] "I can't believe it!"

Lincoln: "I know! She didn't even say sorry!"

Clyde: [Lovestruck] "No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies." [Cradles the glasses while Jackson scoffs in disgust]

Lincoln: "Snap out of it, Clyde! Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, I'm going to give her a call she'll never forget."

Clyde: "What are you gonna say?"

[Lincoln looks in his drawer, pulls out a sheet of paper, and shows it to Clyde.]

Clyde: "'Why ____ is the worst sister ever'?"

Lincoln: [Evilly] "I knew this would come in handy someday. I just didn't know which sister would be getting it." [Places the note on Clyde's face and writes Lori's name in the blank.] "But you, Lori Loud, have made my decision very easy." [Dials Lori's phone number on his duck phone.]

Jackson: "We really need to get you a mobile phone."

Lincoln: "So that I can end up like Lori? No way. My trusty duck phone is enough for me."

[While Lincoln is waiting, Luna is jamming and riffs to the last note of Lori's ringtone, as it's revealed that she never took it.]

Jackson: "Huh. She left it for once."

Lincoln: [Impatient] "Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail."

Lori's Voicemail: "Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do."

[Beep!]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you."

Luna: [From outside] "Hey, Jax! Listen to this!"

Lincoln: "You are..." [Luna bursts into his room, inadvertently smashing Jackson with the door, and rocks out as he goes into a blindingly raging rant about Lori, censoring the message for any profanity it may contain. Clyde can only watch in despair as his crush is getting roasted. Luna then leaves, releasing Jackson.] "...and that is why you are the WORST... SISTER... EVER!" [Hangs up] "What do you think, guys?"

Jackson: [Disoriented] "I missed it."

[Clyde faints; enter Lori.]

Lori: "Hey, bro. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toy. So I went out and bought you a new one to compensate for it."

Lincoln: [Shocked at her generosity] "You did what now?"

Jackson: "That was fast."

Lori: "Something you would've done, Jackson. I just saved you from the dirty work." [Hands Lincoln the new gaming glasses] "Also, I'm very impressed you didn't freak out over this. Very mature."

Lincoln: [Nervously chuckles] "Yep. That's me. Mister Mature." [As Lori leaves, Lincoln realizes he made a terrible mistake and shuts the door.] "Guys! What have I done?!" [Grabs a spare guitar] "I called Lori this!" [Plays a crude guitar riff before grabbing a harp] "But she's actually like this!" [Strums harp strings before tossing it into Jackson's hands] "What am I gonna do?!"

Jackson: "Well, you have two options. You either tell her the truth, which could still lead to the human pretzel thingy, or get to Lori's phone without her looking to delete your message. Normally, I would vote for the former, but knowing Lori, it seems the latter is the safest sidewalk to stroll on."

Lincoln: "You're right! Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or I'd be a human pretzel. We gotta delete the message!"

Clyde: [Comes to] "Huh?" [Falls over, and Jackson pats his head]

Lincoln: "Good talk."

First, he wanted to get back at her by sending a rude phone message to her. However, Lori somehow realized what she had done and apologized by giving him some new goggles, which led Lincoln to regret his decision and plan on deleting the message. Of course, he needed help from his two besties (me and Clyde). But knowing his sisters, it wasn't going to be easy for the three of us.

[Lincoln, Jackson, and Clyde are peaking out the door; the twins are tracking a trail of excrement that leads from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luna and Luan's; Lori has locked up her room and entered the security password and leaves.]

Lincoln: "Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell, which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back."

Clyde: "But Lori's room is off limits."

Lincoln: "I know. That's why I need you to be a lookout for her."

Clyde: "That's easy. I'm always on the lookout for Lori."

Jackson: [Unsatisfied] "Of course."

Lincoln: "Then, let's do this!"

[The two younger boys fistbump for luck.]

Clyde: [Sneaks through the hallway] "In position."

Lincoln: "Roger that."

Lana: "I know poop when I see it." [She and Lola exit Luna and Luan's room] "And that's definitely some poop."

Lincoln: "Drat! The po-po! Jax and I can't go through. So, we're gonna have to go over!"

Jackson: "I never thought Lola would do something like this."

[Lincoln and Jackson sneak by while the twins check the sound they made, only to see they're nowhere; they're hiding up on the top of the doorway (though Jackson is struggling to stay stiff), and Lincoln tosses a hamster treat that Geo goes after.]

Lana: "Hey, fur ball! No speeding!"

[The twins give chase to Geo, while Lincoln and Jackson drop down]

Jackson: "Thanks, Geo." [He and Lincoln notice the chase coming their way, causing them to hide again as the chase passes by]

Twins: "Hey! What did we just say?! Get back here!"

[Lincoln and Jackson escape and sneak into the vent in Luna and Luan's room.]

Jackson: "Dang kids."

Chapter Text

Someone's been bullying Lincoln at school lately. Of course, he doesn't want to tell anyone to get them involved, not to mention that his sisters always go overboard when meddling in his affairs. And yet, he wants me involved since I never go overboard. But then, this side thing happens.

[Lincoln sneaks back to the door to his room.]

Lincoln: "Phew." [Gets ready to open the door, but Lisa catches him by surprise.]

Lisa: "Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area."

Lincoln: "A what in my who now?"

Lisa: "You've got gum in your hair."

Lincoln: "Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just... uh..."

Lisa: "I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you."

Lincoln: [Begging his genius sister] "Lisa, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved."

Lisa: "Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery." [Walks away]

Lincoln: "Phew." [Enters his room... where Jackson was waiting]

Jackson: "What's this I hear?" [This startles Lincoln again] "Is someone bullying you at school? I will personally pummel them if you'd like."

Lincoln: "What? No! Don't pummel them. I mean, granted, I appreciate the help, but I don't want them pummeled. Otherwise, we'd be even more humiliated."

Jackson: "So, intimidation then?"

Lincoln: "That'll do, but first, I just want this gum out of my hair right now before we do anything else."

Jackson: "Okay."

[Jackson takes out the scissors and snips the gum out of Lincoln's hair, but just as he's about to dispose of it, Lynn kicks the door open with every sister behind her.]

Lincoln & Jackson: "What the...?!"

Lynn: "You're being picked on!"

Lana: "And how come you told Jackson instead of us?!"

Jackson: "How did all of you even know about this?"

Lola: "Lynn told us after Lisa relayed what Lincoln told her!"

Lucy: "We were in the living room when Lynn came in and spoiled your secret."

Lincoln: [Irritated] "Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything."

Lisa: "No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain has ample room."

Lynn: "Thanks." 

Jackson: "Well, unlike you, Lisa, Lynn can hardly keep secrets, let alone her own personal secrets." [Sheepishly remembers something] "Not to mention, I might've used one of her sports tactics for a video of mine."

Lynn: [Surprised] "Hey! Did you just admit to committing an act of plagiarism?"

Jackson: [Smugly] "... Maybe."* [Lynn growls at this]

Luna: "That's beside the point! So, you are being picked on!"

Chapter Text

[Luan enters Lincoln and Jackson's room]

Jackson: "Hey, Luan."

Luan: "Hey, Jax. Just came by to check up on you." [Notices what he's doing on his computer] "Oh, are you recording?"

Jackson: "Yep. I'm doing a Q&A session. Wanna pick a question?"

Luan: "Oh, gladly!" [Approaches the computer and looks over the comments] "Uh..." [Spots a good question] "Ooh! Here's a good one."

Jackson: [Reads it] "This one is from "Raptorception". 'Hey, Jax. I know for a fact that some people have trophy cases showcasing their many accomplishments. My family is no exception as we have this rather big one in our house. So, I was just wondering. Does the Loud House have one?'. Actually, we do have one." [Removes his facecam]

Luan: "New facecam?"

Jackson: "Removable if I so choose." [He and Luan head downstairs] "Now, the case should be..." [Spots it] "Here it is." [Points his camera at the case, where Lincoln is standing by] "The Loud Family Trophy Case. The girls have done some pretty impressive stuff to get in here. Lynn has many soccer trophies, but she's planning to add more sports to the case.

Luan: "Lola's got her pageant crowns from the countless pageants that she has entered."

Jackson: "Here in Royal Woods, we have Junior Nobel Prizes, which are more or less unofficial from the real deal, and Lisa, being the family prodigy, has won what is so far her only Junior Nobel Prize.

Luan: [Giggles] "Even Lily's won some thumb-sucking contests!"

Lincoln: [Lamenting] "And then, there's me." [Jackson and Luan give a worried look as he looks upon his completely vacant spot and sighs.] "I've tried everything to get into this case."

Chapter Text

Lincoln: "Come on, Lori! This is a lot of laundry! I don't think it's worth it."

[Jackson, recording a vlog entry, enters Lori and Leni's room, with his camera to see Lincoln carrying a huge load of Lori's laundry and Lori holding the keys to Vanzilla, the family van.]

Lori: "Do you want a ride to the comic book store or not?"

Lincoln: [Sighs] "Fine." [Prepares to leave, but Lori stops him.]

Lori: "Whoa-whoa-whoa! Where are you going? Those are just my jeggings. Let me get the rest." [Tosses remainders into the pile] "Wore that yesterday... Wore that Tuesday... Whoops! That definitely needs to be washed!"

[The pile falls on top of Lincoln and Jackson, who accidentally grabs Lori's driver's license.]

Lincoln: [Removes the pile and turns to Jackson] "Are you recording?"

Jackson: "Yeah, I'm doing a vlog entry. I was planning for the two of us to do a comic book store run today, but instead, I'm treating my viewers to what might just be the most boring vlog entry to date."

Lincoln: "Well, since you're here with the camera..." [To the recording] "Lori and Jackson are the only kids in the Loud House with driving licenses. So, whenever Mom and Dad are unavailable, we call upon the two oldest kids in the house."

Jackson: "Unfortunately, I'm not always available. Because of this, the younger ones have to rely on Lori more often."

Lincoln: "Which means that in this house..." [Gets one of Lori's socks tossed on his face] "...there's no such thing as a free ride."

[Enter Lisa with a piece of paper as the boys get back up with the pile.]

Lisa: "In exchange for transporting me to the planetarium, I've done your calculus homework. Next time, I would appreciate a challenge."

Jackson: "Isn't that...?"

[Lucy appears out of nowhere and scares everyone, making Lincoln and Jackson lose the load.]

Lucy: "Thanks for the ride to the cemetery. I finished your poem for your 10-week anniversary. It's called "Bobby"."

Lori: "Let's hear it."

Lucy: [Clears throat] "Bobby, I thought you were a stalker, / When you left brownies in my locker. / Bobby-"

[Enter Lana interrupting Lucy's poem.]

Lana: "Hey, big sis!" [Holding Lori's retainer] "I found your missing retainer in the garbage, and there was some perfectly good gum stuck to it!" [blows a bubble showing she's been chewing it.]

Lori: "So, where do you need a ride to?"

Lana: "Ride? I just like digging in the trash." [Remembers something] "Then again, I do wanna visit Skippy."

Jackson: "Who's Skippy?"

Lori: "Just some boy that Lana's been hanging out with lately." [Lana's blushes a little]

Lincoln: "Does Lola know about this?" [Lana just shrugs]

Lori: "But that's beside the point." [Content with their services; picks up her homework, poem, and retainer in order.] "Thank you, thank you, and thank... Ew! I need to clean this. See, boys?" [Holds her sisters; though Lisa is annoyed by this and tries to break free] "These guys respect our arrangement." [Releases them and they leave] "Oh, and here are my dirty gym clothes too." [Piles it on the laundry pile, stacking it up high. Lincoln smells the horrible stench and a foghorn sound effect plays to accompany it.]

Jackson: "Thanks." [He and Lincoln leave]

Lori: "And don't forget, I like the lavender-scented dryer sheets." [Closes door]

[Lincoln and Jackson head off to the laundry room; at the same time, Leni comes in with a hammer, nails, and boards; they bump into each other and make a mess.]

Lincoln: [With Leni's shades on his face] "Sorry, Leni!" [Leni's hammer drops on his foot] "Yeowch!" [Groans in pain] "What are you doing with all this stuff?"

Leni: "I need a ride to the mall. So, Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one."

Jackson: "I think you got the wrong idea, Len."

Lincoln: [Confused] "Wait. Why are you doing chores for Lori? Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the mall?"

Leni: "Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times. Everyone's given up on teaching me. Dad's still mad about the Fire Hydrant Paperboy Nun Incident."

[Flashback to said incident. Leni has crashed Vanzilla into a tree, and set a fire hydrant to spring a leak, with a nun screaming at the top of her lungs in a panic, and a paper boy hanging by a branch.]

Leni: [Clueless] "Should I leave a note?"

[Lynn Senior is riding in the passenger seat with his face covered with an airbag and sobbing over his daughter's failure. Back to the present.]

Leni: "Even Jax here gave up after I damaged his car."

Jackson: "It took me half a month to fix it."

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "What if I teach you to drive?"

Leni: [Excited] "Wow! You have your license?"

Lincoln: "Well, no, but I do have a crazy high score on...Total Turbo XXII, the world's awesome-est racing video game!"

Leni: [Eager] "FUN!" [Worried] "Wait. Are there nuns in it?"

Lincoln: "Nun that I know of!" [Chuckles; turns to Jackson's recording] "If I can help Leni get her license, she'll drive us anywhere!" [Deviously] "And Lori will have to wash her own jeggings."

[Lincoln puts the game into the console and gives Leni the steering wheel controller.]

Leni: "Wow! It's just like a real spinny thingy!"

Lincoln: "Technically, it's called a 'steering wheel'. So, you ready to get started?"

Leni: [Realizes something] "WAIT! I need my special driving outfit!" [Changes into her special driving outfit and makes a couple of poses]

Jackson: "Are you... trying to be Penelope Pitstop?"

Leni: [Surprised] "You've watched Wacky Races?"

Jackson: "I was around 5 years old when I first watched. To this day, I've been trying to figure out who the lead protagonist was."

Lincoln: "Great. So, can we get sta-"

Leni: "WAIT! I need my special driving smoothie!" [Makes a smoothie and takes a sip] "It's a soy pumpkin cookie crumble cream. It's seasonal!"

Lincoln: "Great." [Heads to the couch] "So, now, can we-"

Leni: "WAIT!" [Lincoln stops]

Lincoln: [Exasperated] "What is it now?"

Leni: "Aren't you gonna open the door for me?" [Takes another sip of her smoothie]

Lincoln: [Sighs and pretends to open a car door with the sofa as the car and the cushion as the door] "Click! Creak!"

Leni: "What a gentleman." [Sits down as Lincoln throws the cushion away]

[The game starts and Leni's image is the player.]

Lincoln: "Okay, all you have to do is keep the steering wheel straight, and you'll-"

[As soon as Leni starts playing, she crashes into the wall and the game is over.]

Leni: "Like that?"

Jackson: "That's not straight."

Lincoln: "Um... Let's try again."

[Leni chooses to continue]

Lincoln: "Just keep the wheel straight."

[Leni crashes again]

Jackson: "Still not straight."

Lincoln: "Okay, one more time."

[Leni continues]

Lincoln: "The road is straight. So, keep the wheel straight."

[Leni crashes again and her virtual self jumps out of the car and it explodes, resulting in yet another game over; this earns a dry laugh from Jackson.]

Lincoln: [Irritated by his sister's incompetence] "Leni! You have to stay on the road!"

Leni: [Tosses controller in frustration] "But what's the point?! We're not going anywhere fun!" [Jackson facepalms]*

Lincoln: "Sure we are! We're going to... uh... the mall!"

Leni: [Gasps and takes controller back] "Why didn't you say so?"

Game Announcer: "GAME ON!"

[This time, Leni plays the game like a pro with words of praise such as "Good!", "Holy Cow!" and "Dang!" appear on-screen.]

Lincoln: "Wow! Go, Leni!"

Leni: [Her player stuck behind a Sunday driver.] "Move it, slowpoke! Mama needs a new driving dress!" [Drives off a billboard and moves ahead; gets to the mall at the end of the level and beats Lincoln's high score.]

Lincoln: [Amazed] "That was incredible!"

Leni: [Has her virtual self punch an old lady.] "Outta my way, granny!"

Lincoln: "Easy there, Fast and Furious." [Snatches the controller]

Leni: "BUT I HAVE TO GET TO THE MALL!"

Lincoln: "The mall can wait. You've got a driving test to pass." [Leni grins and heads out the door.] "Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!" [Notices Leni went in the wrong direction.] "Wait! The bus stop is that way!" [Leni turns around and heads the other way.] "Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!"

[Lincoln and Jackson are pacing around waiting for Leni to get home; Leni opens the door.]

Lincoln: "Did you pass?"

[Unfortunately, a cop is right behind Leni to give some bad news.]

Cop: "No, she did not! She did, however, refuse to obey the speed limit, fail to use her turn signals, and she redirected the test vehicle toward the mall, where she proceeded to hip-check and tackle Misses Jelinski!"

[The citations are labeled "Crazy Mall Chick", "Incident Report", "'Forgot' the speed limit", "What are 'blinky-blinks'??", "Hijacked test vehicle", "Assaulted Instructor Jelinski", and "NOTE: Culprit is dangerous"; Misses Jelinski is in the police car yelling at Leni for her maniacal driving; though the car window is muffling what she’s saying.]

Jackson: [Awkwardly] "S-Sorry, Misses Jelinski!"

Leni: "It's not fair! When I did all that in the game, I won!" [Lincoln and Jackson realize why she failed and facepalm] "You guys need to get your rules straight!" [Heads upstairs as the cop leaves]

Cop: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take Misses Jelinski to the hospital to have her hip inspected."

Jackson: "S-Sure."

[The police car leaves for the hospital and the boys sigh in disappointment.]

Lori: [Having heard everything] "Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln. That's your plan? Teaching Leni to drive? My sweet, naive little roommate?** She can't even drive a lawnmower." [To Jackson] "You should know yourself, Jax."

Lincoln: "What happened?"

Jackson: "I was getting Cliff down from the tree in our yard when she drove by with the driving mower while wearing her Penelope Pitstop outfit."

[Flashback to when Leni tried mowing the lawn with a driving lawnmower, with Jackson and Cliff awkwardly watching.]

Leni: [Panicking] "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Jackson, help me! Make it stop! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" [Drives the mower through the hedges while shrieking her head off; flashback ends.]

Jackson: "It took me nearly the entire day to look for the 'Shrieking Lawnmower'."

Lori: "Lincoln. Trust me. You're gonna fail. You and Leni both. Now, where's Lynn?" [Takes off her shoe and wiggles her pink-painted toenails.] "She owes me a pedicure." [Takes off the other shoe and looks for Lynn]

Lincoln: [Fiercely] "This isn't over yet." [Shakes fist]

[Lori and Leni's room; Leni has gone back to literally making Lori's bed.]

Lincoln: [He and Jackson arrive] "Hey, Leni." [Notices what she's doing] "What are you doing?"

Leni: "Going back to making Lori's bed."

Lincoln: [Amazed at how she's doing] "Nice craftsmanship. But you can't give up on driving. It was my fault you didn't pass the test."

Leni: "Maybe, I'm just not meant to be behind the spinny thingy. You know?"

Lincoln: "No. See, my video game approach was all wrong. It was nothing like driving in real life. Let's try a different method." [Holds up an instruction manual.]

[Lincoln has set up a pretend car test for Leni to practice on.]

Lincoln: "Okay. Lesson 1: Preparing to drive."

[Enter Lynn with a sanding tool.]

Lynn: "Ah, you're teaching Leni to drive? Score! Can I help? I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses! Ugh, barf!" [Tosses tool away]

Lincoln: "Thanks, Lynn!"

Lucy: [Out of nowhere] "Me too." [Lincoln, Jackson, and Leni scream at their sister's appearance.] "I can't write another poem for Bobby. I've run out of words that rhyme with 'babe'".

Lincoln: [Chuckles nervously] "Thanks, Lucy."

Lucy: "Besides, I have my own poems to write, but Lori keeps interrupting me to write one for her and her boyfriend."

Lisa: [Arrives with Lily] "Not to mention, she's making me do her homework. Just because we're related doesn't mean my handwriting is similar to hers." [Lily giggles] "At this point, I'd do anything just to help Leni learn to drive and get out of doing tasks for Lori."

Luna: [Comes in dancing] "What's this I hear? My baby bro and my music buddy are helping Leni learn to drive?"

Luan: [Arrives and takes off her gag glasses] "Ooh! I wanna help! Count me in too!"

Lana: [Enters with Lola] "Count us in as well!" [Lola is shown to be jittering]

Jackson: [To Lola] "I take it you're a different story?"

Lola: "It's more like Lori bribes me instead of me coming to her. I could never resist her offers!" [Luan pats her head]

Jackson: "I rest my case. We're gonna need Leni to drive."

Lincoln: "Alright, guys, we need to set it up like a real car." [They gather up some of their things and do as Lincoln told them.] "Thanks, guys! Luna's bass drum is the brake. And Luan's whoopee cushion is the accelerator." [Puts his foot on them to demonstrate their uses]

Luan: "Accelerator? Don't you mean gas?" [Giggles] "Get it?"

Jackson: "Of course, you would pick the whoopee cushion."

Lincoln: [Demonstrates the rest] "This golf club's the gear shift. The wreath is the steering wheel. Car horn, turn signal... And oh, these keys..." [Grabs Lily's baby toy keys] "...are, well... the keys. Got all that?"

[The others smile in hope... while Lily tries to grab the keys]

Leni: [Obviously confused] "Sure?"

Others: "GREAT!"

Lincoln: "Okay. First, fasten your seat belt."

[Lola puts some of her beauty pageant sashes on them to simulate the seat belts.]

Leni: "That was easy."

Lincoln: "Next, check your mirrors."

Leni: [Panicking] "Why?! Do I look bad?"

Lincoln: "No, no, no, no. I meant-"

Leni: [Runs off] "Stop the car! I can't drive in this hideous condition!"

[Everyone else groans at Leni's cluelessness with Lincoln and Jackson doing a facepalm; cut to later; Leni had just come back, now wearing a helmet.]

Leni: "That's better!"

[Everyone stares awkwardly at her.]

Jackson: "Just... go with it."

Luna: [Visibly bored] "Which lesson are we on now?"

Luan: [Thinks] "I believe it's #12."

Lincoln: [Sighs] "Lesson 12: Avoiding road hazards. There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?"

[Lily walks in wearing a squirrel costume and makes squirrel chatter sounds; Leni bolts out of the living room screaming with her seat still stuck on her.]

Jackson: "Apparrently, she'd freak out at the sight." [Lincoln throws the manual on the floor in frustration]

[Eventually, it seems hopeless as the others seem to have already given up.]

Lincoln: "Use your turn signal!" [Leni taps Luna's drum] "No, that's the brake!" [Leni taps Luan's whoopee cushion] "No, that's the gas!" [Leni slaps him] "No, that's my face!" [Jackson gives dry laugh as Lincln points to the ladle] "This! This is the turn signal!"

Leni: "Oh! You mean the blinky blink?"

Lincoln: [Discombobulated] "The... 'blinky blink'?"

Leni: "Yeah. It's right by the spinny thingy." [Points to wreath] "Or... steering wheel."

Lincoln: "The spinny..." [Realizes] "That's the problem! I haven't been speaking Leni!"

Leni: "There's a country named after me?" [Jackson, Luna, and Lisa facepalm]

Lincoln: "No. I mean, I haven't been using words you understand. Let me try again. Use the 'blinky blink'." [Leni nods with a rattle sound effect and flips the "blinky blink".] "Good. Now turn left." [Leni doesn't know] "I mean, turn to your 'good side'." [Leni gets it and turns to her "good side", and Lincoln bursts with excitement] "Now, we're getting somewhere! Hey, crew, we're gonna need some new car parts. We need to make it more 'Leni-like'."

[The others salute and get to work; they replace Luna's bass drum with a white high-heeled shoe.]

Lincoln: "This is a brake pedal. What does the brake pedal do?" [Leni doesn't know]

Luan: [Whispers in Leni's ear] "White shoes after Labor Day!"

Leni: "Ew, stop!" [Luan giggles mischievously]

Lincoln: "Exactly."

Luan: "Anyways..." [Takes back her whoopee cushion] "I gas you won't be needing this." [Squeezes the whoopee cushion and skips away giggling.]

[Lola scowls painfully at Luan's pun and hands Lincoln a Go-Go boot.]

Lincoln: "This is the gas pedal. What does the gas pedal do?" [Leni doesn't know] 

Luna: [Whispers] "Boots from the 60's."

Leni: "Go-Go!"

Lincoln: [Excitedly] "Yes! Leni, I think you're ready for the next level!"

[Leni is practicing on her old enemy, the lawnmower.]

Lincoln: "Remember what we practiced, Leni!"

Leni: "Go-Go Boot!" [Accelerates] "White Shoe!" [Stops for a squirrel to pass] "Go ahead, Mister Squirrel!" [Sigh] "And... Go-Go Boot!" [Accelerates; heading for the hedges]

Jackson: "Oh, not again." [The others become worried as well]

Leni: "Huh?" [Notices] "Oh, gosh! Good Side!" [Turns left in the nick of time] "Phew. I avoided it!" [Jackson sighs with relief]

[Everyone starts cheering for her.]

Lincoln: "She's doing it! Yeah, nice job, Leni!"

Leni: "I'm doing it!"

[Meanwhile, Lori - all alone - is trying to pull the laundry out of her room.]

Lori: "Stupid jeggings!" [Pulls them through the door, only for them to fall on top of her] "Where is everybody?!" [Calling] "Lynn! I'm still waiting on that pedicure!" [She suddenly hears the others cheering outside and looks out the window. She sees Leni on the lawnmower doing a victory dance. The camera zooms out to reveal that Leni's name is written on the lawn. Lori scowls upon realizing what the boys have been up to.] "I'm not giving up the car keys that easily."

[Cut to nighttime in Lori and Leni's room.]

Lincoln: "Night, Leni! You're gonna do great tomorrow!" [Leaves]

Leni: "Night, Lincoln! Night, Lori!"

[Lori is fast asleep; Leni shrugs and puts on her sleeping mask, but she struggles to reach for her clock.]

Lori: [It turns out she was only pretending to sleep; she then throws a medium marble at her sister's clock] "Click."

Leni: "Got it!" [Goes to sleep]

[Lori sneaks up on Leni’s bed and slips a fake driving instruction tape that she recorded over Leni's ears to ensure that she will remain the only Loud kid with a driver's license and doom Leni to fail.]

Recording: [Lori's voice] "Never check your mirrors. Always comment on your driving instructor's weight. In America, we drive on the left side of the road."

[Lori goes back to bed grinning and chuckling sinisterly with Leni being none the wiser.]

[The next day, Lincoln is waiting for Leni to get back from her driving test, unaware of what happened last night.]

Lori: [With her load of jeggings] "Ah! There you are! Don't you and Jackson need a ride to the comic book store? And lavender sheets. Don't forget." [Hands him her jeggings as Jackson exits the kitchen with a bottle of lemonade for breakfast]

Lincoln: [Hands the jeggings back as Jackson takes a sip] "No, thanks. I think we'll wait for Leni to get back from taking her driving test, with her new license."

Lori: "Pssht. She's not gonna pass." [Passes the jeggings back to Lincoln] "Now, get to washing."

Lincoln: [Passes back] "Actually, Jax and I are pretty sure she will pass."

Lori: "No, she won't." [Mutters to herself] "Because I made sure of it." [Jackson nearly chokes on his lemonade upon hearing that]

Lincoln: [Shocked at what Lori just said] "Wait. What?"

Jackson: "What did you say?"

Lori: [Realizes what she just said] "Nothing! I was just muttering to myself." [Tries to walk away]

Lincoln: "Uh, no you don't!" [Grabs a blue sweater with a wolf howling at the full moon]

Jackson: [Puts his bottle down] "You're not getting off that easy!"

Lincoln: "So help me, Lori, I will shrink your favorite Bobby sweater in the dryer if you don't tell me and Jackson what you-"

Lori: [Admitting defeat] "Stop!" [Throws the jeggings away and grabs the sweater] "Fine! I'll confess!" [Puts it on out of spite] "I might have sabotaged Leni by giving her bad driving instructions while she slept, but it's just because if Leni can drive, my room will never be clean and no one will ever need me for anything ever a... gain!" [Raises her voice pitch near the end.]

Jackson: "YOU DID WHAT NOW?!"

Lincoln: "Are you crazy, woman?! What if your bad driving instructions make Leni crash? What if she gets hurt?"

Lori: "I didn't think of that."

Jackson: "You should've! She's your little sister!"

Lincoln: "We gotta get to the DMV!"

[Lori busts out the keys.]

[They arrive at the DMV in Vanzilla where it looks like Leni has just come out of the building, but it doesn't look like she's hurt.]

Lori: [Relieved] "Oh, thank goodness, she's okay."

Jackson: [Sighs] "Not a scratch."

Lincoln: [Still hopeful] "And maybe, she passed!"

[Unfortunately, the same cop from before arrives meaning only one thing.]

Jackson: [To the cop] "Uh... Did she pass this time?"

Cop: "No, she did not! She did, however, drive on the wrong side of the road, neglected to check her mirrors, and commented on the driving instructor's weight! In other words, it's no different from last time!" [Shoves Leni towards the van] "Now, get out of my sight. I've got another mess to clean up now because of her." [Heads back inside]

Leni: [Gets in the van; heartbroken] "Well, that makes 14. Guess I'll have to drive a lawnmower forever."

Lincoln: "Look, Leni. It wasn't your fault."

Leni: "Yes, it was. You worked so hard to help me pass. You even learned to speak Leni. Which I still can't believe there's a country named after me." [Sighs] "I blew it. I was just thinking about all the fun places I would drive us to. The mall, the comic book store, the spot where Jax and I first met... I'm sorry I let you down."

[As Leni laments at her failure, Lori feels extremely guilty for her follies.]

Lori: "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! It was my fault! I sabotaged your test."

Leni: [Not knowing the meaning of the word] "Sabo...tage?"

Jackson: "She purposely messed you up."

Lincoln: "It's like she went and bought the dress she knew you wanted."

Leni: [Gasps in shock] "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Lori: "I'm really sorry, Leni. But I know how to make it up to you."

Leni: [Excited] "You'll buy me the dress?!"

[Lincoln, Jackson, and Lori facepalm at her taking Lincoln's example literally.]

[The next scene now sees Leni in control of the steering wheel.]

Lincoln: "It was really nice of you to help Leni practice for her next test."

Lori: [A little shaken] "It's the least I could do."

Jackson: "Good."

[It is revealed that Leni has driven the van into a swimming pool.]

Leni: "Is this the carpool lane?"

Jackson: "That sounds like a Luan line."

[The End.]

Chapter Text

Having Lori in charge while LS and Rita are out is debatable, to say the least. On the one hand, she's as responsible as she can be. On the other, she tends to act like a drill sergeant. And this day just happens to be one of those days.

Rita: "Lori's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!" [Leaves]

Lincoln: "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Jackson: "Am I missing something here?"

Lincoln: [Sighs] "Even before you moved in, Jax, we hate it when Lori's in charge. She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the 'Queen of No'."

Jackson: "The Queen of-"

Lori: [From upstairs] "NO!" [Unplugs Luna's amplifiers] "NO MUSIC!" [Tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash] "NO MUD PIES!" [Approaches Leni, who's talking on the phone] "NO-"

Leni: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"

Lori: [Grabs the phone] "Give me that." [Hangs up Leni's call] "No phone calls." [Takes away Lincoln's game] "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!" [Turns to Jackson] "And as for you...!"

Jackson: [Nonchalantly] "Let me guess: No computers?" [Lori grabs him by the neck]

Lori: "Anything to get you out of your stinkin' room!" [Releases him] "Besides, I have a personal assignment for you... 'Sarge'."

Jackson: "That was my dad's rank before he left the military."

Lori: "Then, I rest my case." [Throws a military jacket onto him] "Put this on. You're gonna be my second-in-command."

Somehow, I got lucky, because she decided to make me her second-in-command. But even I have some trouble in having to put up with her. So, Lincoln and the other sisters decided to stage an overthrow, and I just had to join.

[Back in Lori and Leni's room, Lori is trying to paint her toenails like in Sixteen 1/2 Magazine, but she doesn't seem to have gotten it down, though she doesn’t mind it; suddenly, Luna's jam is back on, which Lori does not take well as it's going against her orders.]

Lori: [Sees Lily playing, much to her confusion] 

Lily: [Giggling] "Hiya."

Lori: "Lily?" [Walks over to her] "What are you-"

[Just then, there are some creaks in the floorboards, causing Lily to give a smug look, and Lori notices that the others are right behind her, with Jackson holding something.]

Lori: "Uh... What's that?

Jackson: "Oh, just a cattle prod." [Sparks it] "You should know. You told me to grab one."

Lori: "Oh, is this a cry for help?"*

Jackson: "Get her!"

[They tackle her, making her scream in fright as the screen cuts to a darkened cloth, which is removed by an angry Lincoln, who is staring daggers at Lori, along with the others (save for Lily); just then, it's revealed that they tied her up to a chair.]

Lori: [Furious upon noticing this] "Hey! What is going on?"

Jackson: "To be brutally honest with you, Lori, your leadership is starting to border on tyranny."

Lori: [Flabbergasted] "T-Tyranny?! Is that how you're viewing this, Jackson?!" 

Lincoln: "Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!"

Lori: "Power trip?"

Lincoln: "Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around."

[The other sisters concur.]

Lori: "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."

Lana: "Yuh-huh. Lincoln and Jackson could."

Lincoln: [Surprised] "We could?"

Jackson: "We could?"

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: [Chanting] "WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN! WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN!"

[Lincoln, Jackson, and Lori are flabbergasted at this.]

Lori: [Condescendingly] "Lincoln and Jackson in charge? Ha! Lincoln couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box."

[Cliff is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet.]

Lori: "On top of that, Jackson's level of responsibility can never match mine."

Lincoln: "Oh, yeah? Challenge accepted!" [Takes the whistle] "Take her away!"

[The other sisters carry her to her room.]

Lori: "You two won't last five minutes!" [Laughs maniacally]

Jackson: "I assume that's just the claustrophobia getting to her."

Chapter Text

There's a spot in the family vehicle, appropriately named Vanzilla, that Lincoln wants to sit in for an upcoming road trip; Codename: The Sweet Spot, in which it isn't as dramatic as the other seats. Lincoln and I kept our research a secret, but the girls decided to be a bunch of nosy nitwits and barge into his room to find the marked spot.

[Back to the Sweet Spot.]

Lincoln: [On radio] "Road Tripper and Night Watcher to Nose Bleeder. Operation: Fill All The Sweets Around The Sweet Spot is complete."

Clyde: "That's awesome. But what about the-"

[Before Clyde can finish, Jackson abruptly tosses the radio out of the car to a tree, smashing it, and rolls up the window.]

Jackson: "Sorry, Nose Bleeder, but your questions are compromising the mission." [Yawns] "Now, to get a little shuteye." [They fluff up their travel bags and use them as pillows as they sleep.]

[Just then, there's a banging at the window, waking them up, and it's revealed to be Lincoln's sisters looking pretty miffed.]

Jackson: [Rolls down the window] "Hey, girls. What's up?"

Lola: [Annoyed] "What are you up to, boys?"

Lincoln: [Acting] "Us? We're not up to anything. Just, you know, catching some Zs in the car like guys do."

Lori: [Livid] "Oh, yeah? Then, what's... THIS?!"

[The girls slap the mattress with Lincoln's seating chart onto his window, having found out about the operation.]

Lincoln: [Infuriated] "You went in our room?!"

Lori: "That's not the hot issue right now!"

Jackson: "Well, you kind of made it the-"

Lori: [Covers his mouth] "Who said you could speak?"

Lana: "What's the Sweet Spot, Linc?! And why are YOU in it?!"

Lincoln: "Oh, it's, uh... It's the worst seat in the whole car! I put myself in it so none of you would have to suffer."

Lucy: "Worst spot? Then, why is it called the 'Sweet Spot'?"

Lincoln: "Because I'm being sweet to you?"

Lisa: [Calculating on the trunk door] "According to my calculations, the Sweet Spot is actually the best seat in the car for various reasons, including air circulation, proximity to parental units, and the lack of chewable adhesive on the cushion." [Jackson facepalms at Lisa's snitching]

Lincoln: [Outraged] "It took me 8 months to figure that out! Even before Jackson moved in." [He also facepalms in frustration, as his sisters glare angrily at him.]

Lisa: "Shocker."

Lori: "Well, if that's the best seat, then I should get it. [Looks down at her siblings] I'm the oldest. So, I should get a seat that allows me to keep an eye on all of you."

Luna: "You'd just barf all over it, dude! I should have it!"

Lola: "Beauty before age!"

Jackson: [Removes Lori's hand] "It's 'age before beauty', genius!"

Lana: [Retorts] "Yeah! So, I should get it!"

Luna: "That seat belongs to me!"

Leni: "No! I want it!"

Lincoln: "You can yell all you want, but I'm already in the seat, and possession is 9/10s of the law."

Lynn: [Threatening] "You're gonna possess a bruise in a minute!"

[The girls all glare at Lincoln, demanding him to hand over the Sweet Spot, but Jackson pulls him away.]

Lana: "Get them!"

[Lincoln ducks down, rolls up the window, and locks the door before they can attack, and the boys think they're safe. The girls angrily yell at them, as they stare at them and laugh in triumph, but to Lincoln's shock, Luan opens a door and is peeved.]

Lincoln: [Laments] "Dang it. I forgot about the broken lock."

[Luan pounces and tackles Lincoln. He tries to get out, but she pulls him back. Jackson tries to help Lincoln, but Luna tackles him as well, followed by everyone else joining in.]

Thanks to the girls, Lincoln and I had to change things up a bit.

[Lincoln and Jackson's room]

Jackson: "Stupid girls, barging into our room."

Lincoln: [Panicking] "This is bad, Jax! I can't lose that seat!" [Peeks out of his room to see his sisters doing the same.]

Lynn: "Don't even think about it, Lincoln! I'm watching you!"

Lori: "Well, I'm watching you!"

Lola: "And I'm watching you!"

Lana: "And I'm watching you!"

Lincoln: [Shuts the door] "Ugh! Okay. I just have to be the first one out the door tomorrow." [His eyes close]

At 6:30 AM: [Lincoln's alarm goes off.]

Lincoln: [Wakes up and gasps at the time] "Only 30 minutes until Operation: Save The Sweet Spot For-" [Yawns]

Jackson: [Slaps him awake] "Come on, man! Stay with me!"

At 6:35 AM: [Lincoln is dancing while Jackson is watching outside the door.]

At 6:40 AM: [Jackson is doing push-ups and Lincoln is doing some aerobics.]

At 6:45 AM: [Lincoln pours orange juice all over his head as Jackson provides a towel.]

[Lincoln takes a quick peek, only to see that his sisters are just as ready as he is; the clock hits 7:00 AM.]

Lincoln: "ALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!"

[Lincoln and his sisters all rush for the door to get to the Sweet Spot first while Jackson cautiously follows them; the others shove Lincoln and Luna off the stairs and burst out the door; Luan gets knocked into the yard from behind by Lana; Lori opens the door, but Lynn pulls her back; Lincoln dives in, but Luan pounces him; Leni attacks them and Lisa gets on the roof of the car and wails like a maniac; Lana beans her with beets and Lola tackles her; the fight gets so out of hand and brutal that the onslaught wrecks Vanzilla down to scraps, as the dust cloud expanded; all Jackson can do is watch from afar.]

Lynn Sr: "ENOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!"

[Vanzilla is completely destroyed, and the fight is over; all of the children freeze in their positions as the parents arrive.]

Lynn Sr: [Weeping] "That was my first car! And my dad's first car! AND HIS DAD'S FIRST CAR!" [Continues to sob]

Rita: [Enraged] "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS OFF!!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL YOU LEARN TO GET ALONG!!!"

Kids (Except Luan): [Groaning in ascending tone of voice] "Awww!"

Rita: "And Jackson, I'm putting you in charge of keeping an eye on them." [Jackson nods as she pulls her weeping husband back inside]

Jackson: "You know, you girls kind of brought this upon yourselves."

Girls: "WHAT?!"

Lori: [Pointing at Lincoln] "Need we remind you who else is present?!"

Jackson: "Yes, I can see Lincoln, but this would've been avoided if you didn't barge into our room like a bunch of nosy nitwits."

Lincoln: "Well, he isn't wrong." [Chuckles a little before passing out, while the girls growl at this.]

Chapter Text

[It is an early weekday morning at the Loud House, and Lincoln is putting the finishing touches on something as Jackson records a vlog.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, so does my teacher, Missus Agnes Johnson. Our class assignment is to do a report on our families. With ten sisters and a housemate, I can sum up mine in one word: Chaos!" [Reveals a diorama of Lincoln's daily chaos.]

Jackson: "This actually based on a drawing of mine." [Shows said drawing] "One of my earliest activities after moving into the Loud House." [Holds it up next to the diorama, showcasing the comparison]

Lincoln: "It took 3 weeks, 4 boxes of pasta, 2 tubes of glue, and 27 popsicle sticks to make this diorama while using Jackson's drawing as a reference, but the centerpiece of my project is finally finished. Pretty accurate representation of the Loud Family, I'd say. But making this thing was the easy part. The real challenge is getting it to school on time and in one piece to give my report."

Jackson: "Sounds easy, right?"

Lincoln & Jackson: "Wrong!"

Lincoln: "Not in my house. If you want to get all ten of your sisters out the door on time, you have to get up pretty early, and you have to have a plan."

[Thudding sounds are heard. A commotion starts to take place, and the water from Lincoln's glass starts to shake, indicating only one thing.]

Lincoln: "The ten-headed beast has awoken. Wish us luck!" [He takes the diorama and steps out the door, but he quickly busts out an umbrella to avoid a pail of water pouring onto him and his diorama.]

Jackson: "Not today, Luan."

Luan: "Oh, we'll see about that. Pailure is not an option, Andrew!" [Laughs] "Get it?"

Jackson: "Why did my dad name me after 'Old Hickory'?"

Lincoln: "I thought it was because your name meant 'Son of Jack'."

Jackson: "I wish it were the only reason. Now, how are we gonna get the diorama to Vanzilla?"

Lincoln: "I'll just take this to the car later. But first..." [Calls] "Luna. A little "Man With The Plan" music?"

Luna: [Holding her guitar and tossing her pick.] "You got it, man!" [Starts playing while Luan prepares to strike again.]

Luan: "Hmph."

[The twins are fighting over a dollar.]

Lola: "It's my dollar!"

Lana: "No, it's mine!"

Lola: "Let go!"

Lana: "No, you let go!"

Lincoln: [To the recording, pointing at the twins.] "Right on cue."

Lola: "You let go!"

Lana: "Stop it!"

[Lincoln takes their dollar.]

Twins: "Hey!"

Lincoln: "Give me a moment." [Gives them exact change] "There. 50 cents for each. Half for Lola, half for Lana."

Twins: "Thanks, Lincoln!"

Lucy: [Right behind her brother and their housemate] "Good morning, Lincoln."

Lincoln: [Startled] "Yah! Good morning, Lucy."

Jackson: "I should be used to this by now."

Lucy: "For my new poem, I need a word that rhymes with 'choose'."

[Lily starts walking around the room.]

Lincoln: "Uh... How about 'lose'?"

Lucy: "That works." [Writes it down]

Lincoln: [Holding Lily's baby clothes] "Time to get dressed, Lily!"

Lynn: [With a football] "Hey, Jackson! Think fast!" [Tosses it]

[Lincoln tosses Lily in the air, and Jackson catches the football just as Lily comes back down.]

Lynn: [Chuckles] "Nice catch, Jax."

Jackson: "Nice throw, LJ." [Gives it back to Lynn. Lincoln takes Lily and starts to dress her.]

Lori: [On her phone with Bobby] "OMG, Bobby. I literally had to call you right away. I am just so excited about the homecoming dance."

[Lincoln notices that Luan has placed another bucket right above Lori and Leni's door and quickly opens his umbrella to save Lori before she gets drenched by a pail of water.]

Lori: "I know, right? You're so sweet!" [Giggles]

[Lincoln makes the "I'm watching you" gesture to Luan.]

Luan: [Determined] "I'll get the drop on you yet." [Laughs] "Get it?" [Jackson shuts the door on her, making her groan.]

Lori: [To the boys] "What do you two want?"

Lincoln: "Lori, could you maybe hang up the phone and get ready for school?"

Jackson: "Hard to do so if you're-"

Lori: "Cool it, twerps. I'm quite capable of doing two things at once."

[Leni comes by with a bubble from her gum and trips.]

Lincoln: "Leni?"

Leni: "Note to self: never walk and chew gum at the same time."

Jackson: [Grabs a cloth and rubs the gum off her face] "Yeah, it's not the best idea."

Lincoln: "Come on, Jax! Time's running out!" [Grabs Jackson and rushes back to their room]

Lynn: [With a Soccer ball] "Lincoln! Think fast!" [Kicks it]

[Lincoln dives and catches the ball into another room offscreen; Lola and Lana walk out of their room; Lincoln tosses the ball back, heads into his room, and picks up his project.]

Lincoln: "Okay, let's get you downstairs."

[Lisa comes out of her room with a steaming flask.]

Lisa: "Scatter! She's gonna blow!"

Lincoln: [U-turns] "Or not." [Puts his project back in his room.] "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" [Adds an extra chemical to the flask and stops it from exploding; both sigh with relief] "Lisa, you're always forgetting the dinitrotoluene."

Lisa: "Silly me." [Heads back into her room] "Much appreciated."

Jackson: [Emerges] "Okay. Let's check the rest of the house before we do anything else."

Lincoln: "Good idea." [He and Jackson do so]

[The flask from earlier explodes anyway, catching the boys by surprise.]

Jackson: [Turns to Lisa's room] "... Lisa?"

Lisa: "I'M STILL ALIVE! No need to worry."

Jackson: "J..." [Looks away] "Just checking."

Lynn: [Dressed as Lunatic Lynn] "Ayyyeee!!! Look at me, Jax! I'm the new queen of Lucha Libre!" [Lunges at him]

Jackson: "Okay, I'll be Steven Regal."* [Casually steps forward to avoid her]

[Lynn screams as she falls down the stairs, before landing on Cliff, while Jackson giggles mischievously.]

Lincoln: [Looks down the stairs] "Are you okay?"

Lynn: "Yeah, I'm good. Todo bien."

Lincoln: [Sees Lily walking along the hallway behind him.] "Lily! Pants!" [Slips baby pants on Lily.]

[Lola and Lana are arguing over who gets to use the bathroom first.]

Lola: "I was here first!"

Lana: "No, I was!"

Lola: "Nuh-uh, I was!"

Lana: "No way! I was!"

Lola: "You always say that!"

Lana: "You do!"

[Lincoln puts on a pair of roller skates and goes into the bathroom.]

Twins: "Hey! No cutting!"

Lincoln: "I'm not."

[Lincoln gives them their toothbrushes and liberally applies toothpaste to them.]

Twins: [Amazed] "Ooh! Thanks, Lincoln!"

[Lincoln tosses the toothpaste tube back where it belongs and skates down the hall.]

Leni: "Has anyone seen my zit cream?"

[Lincoln hands it to her.]

Lori: "I literally found the cutest dress to wear!"

[Jackson looks annoyed at her lack of punctuality.]

Lucy: "A word that rhymes with 'stuck'."

Lincoln: "'Luck'."

Luan: "How do you stop a rhino from charging?"

Lincoln: "Simple. You take away his credit card!" [Chuckles]

[Luan laughs.]

Lincoln: [Leaping over Lisa, who's writing a mathematical formula on the wall.] "Lis, Mom said no solving for X on the walls!" [Passes by Lucy, who's about to ask him for another rhyme for another word in her poem, prompting him to look at it, much to her dismay.] "Let's see what you're writing. Uh... 'Same! 'Blame'! 'Game'! 'Fame'! Those should work."

Lucy: "I'll check them out."

Lynn: "Where the heck are my roller skates? I've got field hockey today!"

Lincoln: [Takes them off and returns them... only to realize something] "Wait. There's no roller skates in field hockey."

Lynn: "The way I play, there is!" [Grabs them and goes to put them on.]

Jackson: "Th... Those methods of yours are gonna lead to you getting benched for long periods of time."

Lynn: "Well, it ain't illegal if you move too fast for the ref."

Jackson: "H-How can you say that?!"

Lincoln: "Just ignore her."

Jackson: [Scoffs] "Whatever."

[Lily comes toddling by.]

Lincoln: [Grabs her] "Gotcha!" [To the recording] "Phase 1 of Operation 'Get Ready For School & Into The Car On Time' is complete. Now comes Phase 2: Breakfast." [Carries Lily down the stairs.]

Luna: [Finishes her number] "THANK YOU!!!" [Notices] "Oh! Right! Time to go!" [Grabs Jackson's hand and pulls him down the stairs]

[Breakfast is being made; an egg falls onto the skillet, and it's shown that Lincoln is in charge of cooking today.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Cooking is usually Dad's territory, but I gave him the day off 'cause I have to kick things into high gear."

Jackson: "Pay close attention, viewers. We're about to show which sister likes which kind of egg meal."

Lincoln: [Begins serving certain eggs to certain sisters.] "Egg whites for Leni, sunny-side up for Luna, funny-side up for Luan..."

Luan: "Great yolk!" [Laughs]

Jackson: "Complete with smiley face."

Lincoln: "...scrambled for Lynn, fried for Lisa, deviled eggs for the twins, and..."

Lori: [Still on the phone with Bobby] "Oh, and I picked out the perfect tux for you to wear, Bobby."

Lincoln: [Growing more irritated] "... hard-boiled for Lori 'cause she can't pay attention to the stove..." [Serves some runny eggs onto Lily's high chair.] "...extra goo-goo gooey for Lily..."

Lily: "G-Goo-Goo!"

Lincoln: [Serving some rather burned eggs to Lucy.] "And for Lucy, extra well done."

Lucy: "If I had a heart, it would be swelling right now."

[Everyone has finished breakfast and is heading for the door.]

Lincoln: "All righty, then, we are dressed and fed, and now we have our backpacks and lunches prepared to dietary needs. We're just waiting on Lori."

[Enter Lori with the keys to the van.]

Lori: "No, not puke, Bobby. Puce. It's like a reddish brownish."

Lincoln: [Groans] "Everyone, wait here while I grab my project!" 

Girls (Except Lori): "Okay."

Lincoln: [He runs up the stairs. Cliff and Charles run out of his room before he picks it up.] "Time for Phase 3: Getting my project out the door and in one piece."

[Geo rolls his hamster ball right under Lincoln's foot, causing him to step on it and slip.]

Lincoln: "Whoa, whoa!" [Rolls down the stairs and stops right in front of the door before impact, and the girls and Jackson sigh with relief.]

Lynn: "That was close."

Lincoln: "Phew! Okay then. We're all ready to go? Time for Phase 4: Out the door and straight to school!" [To the recording] "Like I said, if you want to get all your sisters out the door on time, you have to have a plan."

[Right before they can get out the door...]

Lori: [Angry at Bobby] "Fine! If you don't wanna wear the tux, then I don't wanna go to the dance! In fact... I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!" [The other caught by surprise, as she screams in frustration.]

Jackson: "So close."

Lincoln: [Puts his project down] "Wait!" [The other sisters chat over each other and are about to walk back to their rooms, but he cuts in front of them and stops them.] "No, no, no, no, no. Everyone, stay right where you are." [Heads upstairs as the girls groan] "Lori, wait!"

Luna: "How are we supposed to get to school then?"

Luan: "Jackson, you can drive. Can't you drive us?"

Jackson: "In Vanzilla? Your dad won't trust me with it. Especially after what you did sometime-"

Girls: "DON'T YOU GO THERE!"

[Jackson smirks, but then, he notices something happening to Leni.]

Lincoln: "You're the only one who can drive us!"

Lori: [Angrily] "GET MOM TO DRIVE YOU!" [Shuts herself in her room.]

Lincoln: "But she's already left!"

Leni: "AAAHH!!! I'M BLUE!!!" [She now has a light blue skin pigmentation.] "MY SKIN'S TURNED BLUE!!!"

Lisa: "Technically, it's a shallow shade of cerulean, but why split hairs?"

Lincoln: "Lisa, what did you do?"

Lisa: "I secretly switched Leni's blemish cream for an experimental skin pigmentation ointment I've been working on."

[Leni starts shaking and whimpering with worry.]

Lincoln: [Shocked] "Why would you do that?!"

[Leni tries to contain herself as Jackson pats her to keep her calm.]

Lisa: "Because she wouldn't let me try it on her if I had asked."

Lincoln: [Bossily] "You go upstairs right now and get something to fix it!"

Lisa: "Fine. Hairless apes: 1. Science: 0." [Heads upstairs]

Jackson: "Good!" [To Leni] "Oh, you poor thing."

Lincoln: [Starts to lose his temper and clenches his fists.] "Can't something go my way for once?"

Luna: "You can't always get what you want, bro." [Lincoln flops]

Lincoln: "Good point."

Lucy: [Right behind him again] "Lincoln, I've finished my poem. It's called 'Failure'."

Lincoln: [Too down to be startled by her lurking.] "Lucy, I really don't have time for-"

Lucy: [Cuts him off] "Shh. I'll do the talking. 'Failure'." [Lincoln flops further] "'It is not an option, yet it's something you choose'." [Lily comes walking by, giggling.] "'The man with the plan is destined to lose'." [Notices Lily] "Wait. Where are Lily's clothes?"

[Lincoln notices and becomes shocked]

Lincoln: "LILY! Where are your clothes?!"

Jackson: "How did she lose them so suddenly?!"

Lincoln: "I don't know!" [Gives chase]

Lily: "Dye-vo poo-poo!" [Laughs and walks behind the sofa]

[Lincoln steps into something nasty.]

Jackson: [Cringes] "What was that?"

Lincoln: [Nauseated] "I found Cliff's litterbox." [Lily still laughs. Later, he changes his shoes into a fresh pair after that.]

Lucy: [Still reading] "'Failure. You know there is no one else to blame. For the choices you make are always the same'."

Lincoln: [Banging on Lori's door in desperation] "Come on, Lori! Please? I have my report this morning!"

Lori: [Angrily refuses to come out] "GO... AWAY!"

[Jackson hears arguing between the twins again.]

Lola: "The peanut butter sandwich is mine!"

Lana: "No, the jelly sandwich is yours!"

Lola: "No!" [Jackson groans in frustration.] "You like the peanut butter and I like the jelly!"

Jackson: "What are the twins yammering about now?!" [Runs downstairs]

Lana: "You like peanut butter and I like jelly!"

Lola: "No, I like jelly and you-"

[Jackson takes their sandwiches.]

Twins: "Hey!"

Jackson: [Checks the sandwich] "Oops. I guess I wasn't paying attention."

[Jackson swaps two of the sandwich toppings around. Now, both sandwiches have peanut butter and jelly.]

Jackson: "There." [Puts the sandwiches into their lunchboxes; Bossily] "Now, you each have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." [Closes them] "Now, get to the car."

Lola & Lana: "Thanks, Jackson!" [They head to the car]

Lisa: [With a first aid ointment] "Here's the antidote."

Lincoln: "Thank you!" 

Jackson: [Immediately suspicious] "Wait a second." [Tests it on Walt, who suddenly blows up like a blimp, revealing that Lisa was about to trick Lincoln just to get him off her back.] "No hard feelings, Walt."

Lincoln: "The real antidote?"

Lisa: [Finally hands him the actual antidote] "Fine." [Grumpily goes to the car.] "Hairless apes: 2. Science: 0."

Lincoln: [Hands it to Leni] "Here."

[Leni sighs with relief and goes to use it.]

Lucy: [Still reading] "'Failure. It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck. No escape from this cycle in which you are stuck'."

Lincoln: "Stop! I've got a poem for you now. It goes like this. 'Dark as night, hair like tar. Take your spooky self... to the car'."

Lucy: "Sigh." [Heads to the car in defeat] "Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame."

Boys: "Good."

Lynn: "Think fast!" [Comes charging through the hall with her roller skates and crashes into Lincoln and Jackson, knocking them and stripping the former down to his underwear.]

Lincoln: "Ow..."

Lynn: "Where is my field hockey stick? I have roller derby today!"

Lincoln: "There's no field hockey sticks in roller derby!" [Spins her around and launches her outside to the van.]

Lynn: "The way I play, there i~s!" [She rolls and crashes inside Vanzilla. The skates come off and the van door closes.] "Ow!"

[Lincoln puts his clothes back on as Leni, now cured, passes by.]

Leni: "Finally. I look perfect and beautiful again."

[Just as she's about to get in, Lincoln shields her with the umbrella from another bucket of water because Luan was at it again, leading the boys to glare at her angrily.]

Jackson: "Will you knock it off?!"

Luan: [Also fed up with the boys] "Oh, come on! I thought we were pails, Andrew!" [Laughs]"Get it? Get it?" [Jackson slams the door, making her yelp]

Jackson: "And stop calling me that!"

[Leni gets in, while Lincoln starts thinking to himself.]

Lincoln: "Okay. How are we gonna deal with Lori?"

Jackson: [Pulls out his phone] "I have Bobby's number. Let me get him to help."

[Later, back inside, Lori's phone rings.]

Lori: [Answers] "Hello?"

Bobby: [Over the phone; exasperated] "Hey, babe. It's me. I just wanted to say that I'm... I'm sorry for the argument earlier. I'll wear any tux you want."

Lori: [Gasps and squeals with delight.] "Oh, Bobby!" [Laughs with joy and comes out of her room as Lincoln is now in a good mood.] "Would you hurry up, Lincoln? It's always such a hassle getting you out of the door in the morning." [Picks Lily up and heads to the car.]

Lincoln: "You're one to talk."

Lori: [Scoffs] "Whatever."

[Lincoln smiles, knowing everything's back on track, and he grabs his project and closes the door; however, he sees Luna is getting some help putting her amps into the van.]

Lincoln: "What's all this?"

Luna: "It's my gear, dude. I have rehearsal."

Lincoln: "And who's that?"

Luna: "This is my roadie, Chunk."

[Chunk tips his hat to the boys.]

Jackson: [Bossily] "No, no, no. He was not part of the plan. Sorry, Chunk, but you can't help today! We'll take care of this."

[Chunk walks away upset.]

Luna: "Huh. Thanks, bro!" [Gets in the car]

[Lincoln gets Luna's gear into the trunk and heads to the shotgun seat, but the camera pans to his diorama, which is right on the driveway, about to be squashed.]

Lincoln: "Operation complete! And with 10 minutes to spare! A Loud House first, I might add. Let's roll!"

[As Lori starts up the car, Luan can be heard laughing in the background. Lori changes the setting to "Reverse" and starts rolling out, but realization hits Lincoln.]

Lincoln: "STOOOOP!"

[Lori stops the car with the tires screeching to a halt. Lincoln rushes out in a panic; thankfully, his project is safe.]

Lincoln: [picks it up] "Phew. That was close." [Slips on one of Lynn's skates and trips...] "Argh!" [...falling on his back. The project lets go of his hands as it flies in the air.] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" [Closes his eyes]

Lynn: "I'll get it!" [Tries to catch it] "I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll-"

[Too late; his project hits the ground and is broken. The kids watch the broken pieces fly down to the ground.]

Lynn: "Oops."

Jackson: "Oh, no."

[Lincoln falls to his knees and picks up some of the pieces.]

Lincoln: [Lamenting] "All of this work for nothing. How could I be so stupid?! How? How? How?"

Lori: [Sighs] "If you're done with your pity party..." [Camera zooms out, revealing that the Loud sisters are willing to help him.] "...maybe we could help."

Lynn: "Yeah. 11 heads are better than 1."

Luan: "Try not to lose yours." [laughs]

Luna: "Yeah. Every little thing is gonna be alright."

Lincoln: [Hopeful] "Really? You'll help?"

Lana: "Yep!"

Lola: "Yep!"

Twins: "It's what families do."

Lincoln: "But... I'm supposed to give this report in ten minutes, and this thing is destroyed. What can you guys do?"

[Although Lincoln has lost all hope, his sisters smile confidently with an idea.]

[Mrs. Johnson's Class; Lincoln is giving his report.]

Jackson: "One assignment. That's all Lincoln had to do at school, and his sisters were making it difficult for him even to leave his room with said project. Then again, it's hard for us to forget what the girls were even doing the whole time."

Lincoln: "In conclusion, in my family, every day is a challenge. But you can be sure that when I need them, my sisters will always be there for me. All of them."

[It is revealed that his sisters are in his classroom and are all standing perfectly still and replicating his project.]

Lincoln: "And sure, life in the Loud House can be summed up in one word: Chaos. But I love that chaos. And I wouldn't trade it for the world."

Mrs. Johnson: [Applauding Lincoln's performance] "That was a fantastic report, Lincoln. I'm giving you an A." [Gets drenched by a pail of water.] "Aaahh!"

[Lincoln gasps, and the bucket falls on her head.]

Mrs. Johnson: "I might make that an A-, but... that's up for debate."

[Everyone except Luan is speechless to see Missus Johnson's expense.]

Luan: [Triumphant] "Pailed it!" [Laughs... until she sees Jackson's anger boiling] "Uh-oh."

Jackson: "LUAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!"

Luan: "I'm out of here!" [Runs away as Jackson chases her]

Jackson: "GET OVER HERE SO I KICK YOUR HEAD IN!"

[Everyone gulps at Jackson's fury, but Lincoln chuckles.]

Lincoln: "Yeah, Jackson has that 'fear effect'." [Smiles smugly]

[The End.]

Chapter Text

[Lincoln and Jackson's room. Lincoln is drawing something when a knock is heard at the door.]

Lincoln: Come in!

Lola: [Enters] Lincoln.

Lincoln: What now, Lols?

Lola: Considering the circumstances from the... earplug debacle, I've decided that we should make some sort of deal.

Lincoln: Which is...?

Lola: New rule: We'll allow you to use your earplugs ONLY if necessary.

Lincoln: Do I have to do something in return?

Lola: Well, we haven't established the rule just yet. So, we're giving a week-long task in order for you to earn it.

Lincoln: Okay. Name it.

Lola: Starting next week, some of us have certain events that we need to get to. We would like you to attend these events as well, especially since these events take place in locations far away from home.

Lincoln: Depends on what these events are about.

Lola: Way ahead of you. [Pulls out a piece of paper] We've written a detailed list of each of the 5 events. [Realizes] Well, I say "detailed", but we're not gonna spoil the locations. [Passes it to Lincoln as he looks over it]

Monday: Rock concert with Luna

Tuesday: Circus gig with Luan

Wednesday: Poetry gathering with Lucy

Thursday: Planetarium visit with Lisa

Friday: Pageant show with Lola

Lola: All you have to do is keep each sister company at all times. If you succeed, the rule will be established on Saturday.

Lincoln: Huh. Thanks, Lola. What made you suddenly come up with this?

Lola: [Nervous] Oh, uh... It's just us feeling bad for you after what Lisa did.

Lincoln: [Meekly] Glad you see it that way.

Lola: Well, I've done my job. So, I'll leave you to... whatever you're working on. Au revoir! [Leaves and closes the door]

[Lincoln glances back at the list. Cut to outside, where a relieved Lola is talking to someone.]

Lola: There. I did it. Is that alright for you?

[The camera zooms out to reveal that she's talking to Jackson.]

Jackson: You better hope so. I don't like knowing that your prank resulted in him going deaf, even if you did intend for it to "teach him a lesson".

Lola: Oh, come on, Jax! You would've done the same!

Jackson: I would teach him a lesson, but I wouldn't resort to your methods. [Leaves] Hit me up when you want some lessons from me! [Laughs as Lola growls]

Chapter Text

The Loud Kids just can't go anywhere without fighting each other. A case in point: Lynn Junior and Lucy. One's a spunky sports jock, while the other is a gloomy goth girl. So, being opposites of one another, it's natural for them to bicker and squabble. But then, this happens.

Leni: "I can't bear to watch!" [Puts cucumber slices over her facial mask] "That's better."

[A jock strap comes flying out of the room and the others duck in time to avoid it.]

Lori: "I'd hate to get in the middle of this one."

Lincoln: "I totally agree." [He and Jackson go back to their room while the jock and goth of the family continue their quarrel; to the recording.] "Another perk to having our own room? Jackson and I don't have to get involved."

[Before he starts to brush, someone's knocking on his door, making him sigh and open the door, and it's revealed to be Lynn holding a pillow; Jackson ends his recording.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lynn. What's up?"

Lynn: "There's no way I'm staying in the same room with the Duchess of Darkness. Can I bunk in your bedroom tonight?"

Lincoln: "Uh... I'd say yes, but it's not really a bedroom, per se. There's barely enough space for me; tiny, small, cramped."

Jackson: "In other words, not the best place to sleep if you're claustrophobic."

Lynn: "I'm not claustrophobic." [Downtrodden] "Ugh... Then again, I guess I'll just go sleep in the bathtub."

Lincoln: "That's a great idea! Problem solved. Goodnight."

[Right before he closes the door, Lynn gives him puppy eyes.]

Lincoln: [Relieved] "Aah..." [Slowly begins to regret it, before guiltily sighing and opening the door] "Alright, you can stay. But just for one night."

Lynn: "Thanks, Lincoln!" [Busts out fist]

Lincoln: [Flinches] "Ah!"

Lynn: "Two for flinching!" [Playfully punches his arm twice and goes in, laughing.]

Jackson: "It's just for one night. What's the worst that could happen?"

Lincoln: "I don't know." [Goes in] "Okay, we'll have to establish a few ground rules. 1: Keep your hands off my..." [Notices Lynn is using his toothbrush.] "...stuff."

[Lynn apologetically spits out the toothpaste into his wastebasket and hands them to him; Lincoln tosses his toothbrush in there now that someone else has used it.]

Lynn: "Sorry about that."

Lincoln: "As I was saying-" [Sees Lynn playing with his giant robot action figure and stops her] "Let's just set this down." [Lynn messes with his other doodads] "Careful!" [Lynn touches his clock] "Please don't!" [Lynn tosses Bun-Bun in the air.] "Bun-Bun!" [Jackson catches him and gives him back to Lincoln] "Thanks, Jax." [To Bun-Bun] "You okay? Did the mean girl hurt you?"

Lynn: [Looking around] "You know, I'm noticing a complete lack of balls in this room." [Lincoln and Jackson make a discomforted face at that remark, causing Lynn to realize what she said] "I-I mean...! No soccer balls, no footballs, no baseballs, no balls. Good thing I brought my own!" [Dumps sports balls out of her pillowcase onto the floor, with a tennis ball hitting a dissatisfied Lincoln on the head.]

Lincoln: [Yawns] "Would you look at the time? Let's just turn in and get this night over with."

Lynn: "What do you mean? It's still early, and you have a fun new roommate!"

Lincoln: "Yeah-"

Lynn: [Puts a wrestling mask over Lincoln's head] "Lucha Libre!"

Lincoln: "I can't see anything!" [Jackson awkwardly backs away]

Lynn: [Wearing her usual mask] "It's Lunatic Lynn off the third turnbuckle!" [Leaps off the foot of Lincoln's bed]

Lincoln: "What?! What?! I can't hear anything either!"

[Lynn lands on top of Lincoln, and starts wrestling him to the ground, before pinning him down.]

Lynn: "1, 2, 3! You're out. Yeah!" [Lincoln removes his mask and slowly gets up] "Lunatic Lynn is El Campeón del Mundo!"

Lincoln: [Fatigued and battered] "Can we just go to sleep? There's less pain involved."

Lynn: "Not when you're a sleep fighter like me!" [Busts out fist]

Lincoln: [Flinches] "Ah!"

Lynn: "Two for flinching!" [Playfully punches his arm twice and laughs; Lincoln sighs as Jackson pets his head.]

[Later, the three are ready to go to bed; but as Lincoln turns off the lights, Lynn starts ricocheting her tennis ball off the wall.]

Lincoln: [Irritated] "What are you doing?"

Lynn: "What? It helps me fall asleep."

Jackson: "Well, it doesn't help me and Lincoln. So, can you knock it off?"

[Lynn grumpily throws the ball at Lincoln's head and they start to sleep... only for Lynn to mischievously let out a big fart from under the covers and laugh.]

Lincoln: [Disgusted] "Ugh! Lynn!"

Lynn: [Pulls the covers over Lincoln] "DUTCH OVEN!" [Laughs as Lincoln cries in distress over the gas she let out, before setting him free as he breathes heavily] "Goodnight, Lincoln."

Lincoln: [Agonized] "Goodnight..."

[Later, Lynn is snoring so loud and drooling so much, that Lincoln and Jackson just can't get any sleep, leading them to get out of bed and take their pillows along.]

[The next morning, Lori wakes up and goes into the bathroom, only to notice Jackson sleeping next to the door]

Lori: "Huh. I wonder why you're here."

Jackson: [Slowly wakes up] "Huh?"

Lori: "Are you that desperate to get to the bathroom before anyone?"

Jackson: "No, I just want to avoid LJ's snoring." [Leaves]

Lori: [Shrugs] "Whatever." [She gets ready to take a shower, but as she turns on the water, someone is already in there, screaming over the wet awakening; Lori opens the curtains to see that it's Lincoln who took Lynn's idea of sleeping in the bathtub.]

Lincoln: [Annoyed] "Good morning to you too, Lori."

Lori: [Irked] "Lincoln! What are you doing?"

Lincoln: [More irked than her] "Getting my room back." [Leaves the bathroom]

Luan: "Mornin', Linc. Wet's up?" [Laughs]

Jackson: [Slams the door on her] "Oh, shut up, Luan." [Luan groans]

[Lynn is getting out of bed, feeling refreshed, and sees Lincoln and Jackson.]

Lynn: "What a great night's sleep. You two look terrible." [Jackson just grunts while Lincoln starts pushing her] "Hey!"

Lincoln: "Thank you for staying at Chateau Lincoln, where we have a one-night maximum stay. Thank you." [Pushes her back into her own room and goes into his; but off in the distance...]

Lucy: "What are you doing here?"

Lynn: "What am I doing here?!" [Gets kicked out]

Lucy: "Get out!"

Lynn: "What do you mean "Get out"?! Fine! I'll just stay in Lincoln and Jackson's room again! Linc's a way cooler roomy anyway!" [Goes back in Lincoln's room] "You can have Jax for all I care."

Jackson: "But-" [Lynn closes the door and Jackson facepalms]

Lincoln: "Lucy! Please make up with Lynn!"

Lucy: "I'd rather wear pink."

Lincoln: "But-" [Lucy closes the door and Lincoln sighs]

Chapter Text

[Lisa is working on her studies.]

Lisa: "If the hypotenuse of a right triangle is the mean proportional between segments, then-"

Lincoln: "Hey, Lisa! We're doing another family picture. How about we lose the glasses and do something with your hair?" [Fixes up Lisa's hair in different styles such as a shaggy wild do, an afro, and even a horned style until he settles on her normal style] "Or just lose the glasses." [Takes her glasses]

Lisa: [Blind] "But, Lincoln, my astigmatism!" [Unknowingly walks towards the stairs]

Jackson: "Hey, watch your step!" [Lisa trips down the stairs]

Lisa: "It's okay! It's just a hairline fracture!"

Leni: "Did I hear we're taking more photos?"

Jackson: "Yep."

Leni: "Yay!" [Her shades suddenly drop over her eyes] "Uh-oh. Guess we'll have to wait till after the solar eclipse."

[Lincoln and Jackson just look exasperated, and the latter removes her shades.]

Leni: "Whoa. You're like a wizard. Or a weatherman."

Jackson: [To himself] "You've had these shades since childhood and you're just learning how they work now?"

[Lincoln gets an idea and gives Leni Lisa's glasses.]

Lincoln: "Maybe, you should wear these for the picture, Leni. They make you look... um... even smarter than you already are."

Leni: [Blind] "Wow! Thanks!" [Trips down the stairs, shrieking] "I'm alright! I landed on Lisa!"

Lisa: "Okay. Now, it's a break!"

[Lincoln facepalms and drags the two blind opposite-minded "second" sisters outside to the retake.]

Lincoln: "Okay, just stay here." [Heads back inside]

Leni: "But..."

Lincoln: "Here's some ice packs and a bandage!" [Tosses them out the window to his blind sisters who are still waiting, unaware of that.]

Leni & Lisa: "Okay! Throw them!"

[Cut to inside, where Jackson is watching them.]

Jackson: Maybe, switching the glasses around wasn't a good idea.

Chapter Text

Lincoln: "Okay, competition starts... now."

Leni: "I'm, like, totally gonna win this." [Jackson places a red "X" sticker over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]

[The kids groan]

Jackson: "And I'm, 'like', STOP TALKING! You talk more than my maternal grandmother!"

Lincoln: "Your grandmother? You should listen to our paternal grandfather. Half the time, he doesn't know when to-"

Lucy: [Appears next to her siblings and their housemate] "Nice going." [They jump in terror; Jackson grumpily throws another red "X" sticker onto Lucy's face, and a buzzer sounds; she slowly removes it.] "Dang it."

So, Lincoln and his sisters made a bet on who could go the longest without engaging in their most annoying habits. And I played the role of referee.

Or rather, I played the role of punching bag.

Lincoln: "I'm not giving up! You'd give up right now if you could see what's wrong with your face!" [Holds up Lola's pocket mirror.]

Lola: "WHAT?! Guys, is there something wrong with my face?!"

[The girls clamor, trying to convince her otherwise.]

Lola: "LIES! GIVE ME A MIRROR!" [Runs off as Jackson appears from the kitchen]

Jackson: "What are you guys yammering about?"

[The kids, even Lincoln, clamor again, telling Jackson to go back to the kitchen. But it's too late as Lola looks into the front door's shiny doorknob, and she screams loudly at her hideous reflection, much to the dismay of the kids around her, prompting them to cover their ears; unfortunately, Jackson didn't get enough time to do so. She dashes upstairs to her room, while Jackson falls over from the pain in his ears.]

Luna: "Uh..." [She and the others uncover their ears] "Don't say we didn't warn you, man."

Jackson: "Ow."

Lincoln: "So..." [Chuckles] "Are you gonna disqualify Lola for trying to break the referee's eardrums?"

Jackson: [Picks his head up] "No. Instead, I'd rather take my anger out by punching all of you in the face!" [The kids cringe slightly at that while Jackson remembers something] "Well, 10 of you at least."

Lisa: "Make that 9. I'd rather have both of my eyes in working condition to see if there is any damage to your eardrums."

Lola: [From upstairs] "I'm back!" [She then comes back down a few seconds later, back to her normal self.] "Ahh, that's better." [Jackson grumpily slaps a red "X" sticker over her face, and a buzzer sounds, making her frown.]

Lincoln: [Slides in, inadvertently kicking Jackson in the face; Lori tries not to laugh at that] "I WIN!" [Removes the sweatpants] "The victory undies are mine!" [Opens up the catalog] "Okay, ladies, pay up!"

[Lily throws her pacifier at Lincoln to get his attention.]

Lincoln: "What the...?"

[Lily looks up at Lincoln, and he comes to a startling realization.]

Lincoln: [Gasp] "LILY! We forgot about you!"

Lori: "She didn't cry this entire time! That means..."

[The girls toss Lily into the air in victory.]

Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, & The Twins: "LILY WINS!" [They cheer for Lily, who laughs along with them.]

Lincoln: [Collapses to the floor] "And I lost!"

Lola: "Well, Lincoln, guess you have to give up reading comics in your underwear forever!"

[Lucy and Lisa sigh and collapse as a red "X" appears over Lincoln's face, and a buzzer sounds.]

Lola: [Doing her makeup in her mirror] "Ahh, how I've missed this beautiful face."

[Lincoln groans as he struggles to read his comic fully clothed while Jackson struggles to nap due to his roommate's whining; Lola looks at this display with pity and sympathy, and she closes her mirror. She then glances back at Jackson.]

Jackson: "Lincoln."

Lincoln: "What?"

Jackson: "Could you groan elsewhere?"

[An idea pops into Lola's head.]

[There is a "knock-knock" at the door, and Luan goes to answer it.]

Luan: "Who's there?"

Delivery Man: [from outside] "Delivery man."

Luan: "'Delivery man' who?"

Delivery Man: "Come on, kid, it's raining!"

Luan: "That's your punchline? You really need to work on your delivery."

Jackson: [From upstairs] "Luan, just step away from the door!"

Luan: "Sheesh. Someone just had to rain on my parade today." [Skips away, laughing]

[Lincoln answers the door.]

Delivery Man: "Package for..." [Reads the tag] "Lincoln Loud." [Hands Lincoln a package and leaves.]

[Lincoln opens the package, and he gasps at its contents: a pair of red briefs.]

Lincoln: "My victory undies! I don't get it!"

Lori: "We didn't order it for you."

Lola: "I did."

Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, & Lisa: [All annoyed and confused] "But he lost the bet!"

Lori: [Turns to where Jackson is] "Jackson, did you intimidate Lola again?"

Jackson: [Nonchalantly] "I'm not talking to you." [The older girls blow a raspberry in response]

Lola: "He didn't. I just... did something that he would do." 

Lynn: "But he was our referee in the bet."

Lola: "The bet means nothing anymore." [The kids grow even more confused] "Come on, you guys, we clearly can't give up our things. Why should Lincoln have to give up his? We should all accept each other's habits." [Looks away in disgust] "Even if... ugh... some of them are really, really gross."

[The girls clamor in agreement; Lincoln runs for Lola and gives her a hug.]

Lincoln: "Thank you!" [Gets teary-eyed] "They're almost too nice to wear." [Wipes his tears; sniffs] "But not that nice!"

[Lincoln rushes off and puts his new undies on.]

Lincoln: [To his immediate sisters] Ah, rainy days. There's nothing like doing the thing you love surrounded by the ones you love... and 2,000-thread-count undies."

Lynn & Lucy: [Unsure of the latter part] "Right."

[Lincoln snaps his underwear and reads his comic book, surrounded by his sisters, who are happily indulging in their habits.]

[Cut to outside where Bobby is chasing a chicken in the rain.]

Bobby: "Chicken, come back! Why did you cross the road?!"

Jackson: [Groans and comes downstairs] "BRB, Lore." [Leaves] "I have to go knock some sense into your lover."

Lori: "Just not too much with your-" [Jackson slams the door] "...baton."

Lana: "Come to think of it..." [Turns to Leni] "Leni, did you discover any habits from Jax when you two were dating?"

Leni: [Thinks] "Uh..." [Snippets of a past event appear in her head before bringing her back to reality] "Nah. Not that I know of."

[The others aren't convinced, but they shrug it off... for now.]

Chapter Text

So, Lincoln and I decided that we needed to turn our "family duo" into a "family trio", but none of the girls are interested; not even Leni is interested in what I'm trying to show her. Fortunately, we did find one girl who would be interested: The youngest of the family, Lily Loud. It was frighteningly easy since she's the baby of the house, which means we can mold her in our image.

But that was easier said than done.

[Lincoln's room; Lincoln and Jackson are showing Lily all of their material possessions.]

Lincoln: "Here are all the things that make life worth living."

Lily: [Reaches for her blanket] "Blankie!"

Lincoln: [Takes blanket away] "No, no, no. You don't like this. You like this." [Turns on a movie] "Starship Groupers! My favorite underwater intergalactic adventure." [Playing with model of the ship from the movie.] "Pew-pew-pew! Check this out. It's a 500-piece replica of the starship." [To Jackson] "Built by yours truly." 

Jackson: [Rolls his eyes] "Oy."

Lincoln: [Sees Lily's interest in it.] "Oh, you like it? Here you go!" [Gives it to her]

Lily: [Giggles and starts playing.] "Pew-pew! Pew-pew!"

Lincoln: "That's right! Pew-pew-pew!" [Lily starts shaking it.] 

Jackson: "Uh, Lily? You gotta, you know, try to be..." [Lily tosses it into the air.] "...careful!"

[The model crashes onto the floor and shatters.]

Lily: "Pew-pew?"

Jackson: "Brilliant."

Lincoln: [Holding back angst] "That's okay. I wanted to get the 600-piece model anyway." [Jackson pats his roommate's back]

[Later, Lincoln shows off his coin collection to Lily.]

Lincoln: "Coin collecting is an awesome hobby, Lily. You collect coins from all around the world and spend hours of fun carefully organizing them by country and denomination." [Picks up his złoty] "Who loves a złoty? Lily does!"

[Lily looks at the zloty. She then grabs and shakes the entire collection book.]

Lily: "Cling-cling! Cling-cling!"

Lincoln: "Uh, Lily?"

[Lily stops shaking and smacks Lincoln with the book; Jackson tries not to laugh.]

Lincoln: "Thanks zloty."

[Lincoln is giving Lily lunch with his favorite sandwich.]

Lincoln: "This is my favorite sandwich, Lily. Peanut butter and sauerkraut. You can't chew it yet, but..." [Jackson positions Lily correctly in her baby seat as Lincoln blends the sandwich up and pours it in her sippy cup.] "...you can drink it!"

Lily: "Poo-Poo!" [Giggles]

Lincoln: "Cheers!"

[They eat and drink their sandwiches. Lincoln burps in Lily's face, and she belches in his, before the trio shares a laugh over it.]

[Back in Lincoln and Jackson's room, the boys show Lily an Ace Savvy comic book.]

Lincoln: "Okay, Lily, this is my favorite crime fighter, Ace Savvy." [He pulls down a mobile, with pictures of comic pages hanging below.] "And this is an Ace Savvy mobile I made especially for you." [Spins mobile] "Now, look into the mobile." [Slowly and softly] You will love Ace Savvy." [Lily stares at the mobile. The pictures appear across her eyes.] "You will love Ace Savvy."

[Lily's eyes turn into a hypnotic swirling gaze.]

Lily: "Ace Savvy..."

Lincoln: [Excitedly] "Yes! That's my girl!" [Lily wanders into Lincoln's arms and suddenly throws up.]

Jackson: [Nonchalantly] "You brought that one onto yourself, Linc."

Lincoln: [Miserably] "Yeah." [Pats Lily] "I guess we should have done this before the peanut butter and sauerkraut."

[Lincoln is taking Lily out for a walk in a baby carrier.]

Lincoln: "Whoo-hoo! Come on, Lily. I can't wait to show you more of my favorite things!" [Heads off]

[Clyde appears from inside the tree out front, with twigs in his hair. He spies on Lincoln as Jackson exits.]

Clyde: "I don't get it." [Annoyed] "I've been watching Lincoln all day, and I still don't see what Lily has that I don't." [Spots Jackson] "Come on, Jax. Let's find out."

Jackson: "Well, Clyde, I don't think-" [Clyde pulls him along, not bothering to listen]

[Lincoln and Lily are at the arcade, and Lily wins a ton of tickets on a game.]

Lincoln: "Way to go, Lily!" [Lily giggles cheerfully while Clyde spies on them in a toy-grabbing game; Lincoln and Lily hit the hobby shop where Lily gets a toy plane and makes propeller sounds, and Jackson is holding a newspaper while watching them; the clothes store.] "Put your arms up." [Lily does so, and Lincoln puts an orange shirt just her size on her. Lincoln then grabs Lily's hand and they leave.] "Let's see if we can find you a white wig." [Lily crawls to her blanket and grabs it. She then crawls back to him.] "Hurry up, Lily."

[They leave, and Clyde has been watching them from behind a mannequin.]

Clyde: "Hmm..."

[Outside, at the park, Lincoln and Lily are playing chess with some senior folks, and Lily wins her game. Her opponent bangs his head on the table in shame while a spectator applauds. Lincoln runs and grabs Lily high in the air.]

Lincoln: "Amazing! You really are the best!"

Lily: [Reaches for her blanket] "Blankie!"

Lincoln: "You don't need this anymore, Lily." [He grabs her blanket and tosses it in the trash without her looking.]

Clyde: [Pops out of the trash bin with a suspicious look and grabs Lily's blanket.] "I still don't get what's so great about this baby, but if that's what Lincoln wants..." [Starts feeling depressed. However, he gets pegged by an apple core, making him angry.] "Hey!" [Clenches his fist] "I'm having a moment here!" [Jackson walks by] "Where are you going?"

Jackson: "I'm calling it a day, dummy."

[Back at the Loud House, Lincoln and Lily are playing video games.]

Jackson: [Enters] "I'm home."

Lincoln: "Where did you go?"

Jackson: "Oh, I just... strolled around the neighborhood."

Lori: [Offscreen with her arms folded] "Um... What's going on?"

[The camera zooms out to all of Lincoln's other sisters, who are looking at him, Jackson, and Lily. He stands on the couch.]

Lincoln: "You guys never wanna do the stuff I like. So, I taught Lily to do it." [His sisters react in shock to that.] "Now, I won't bother you. Everybody wins!"

Game announcer: "KO! Player Lily WINS!"

[Lily puts her arms in the air, dropping her controller, and beams, while Jackson laughs dryly.]

Lincoln: "Well... not everybody."

[Lily giggles in victory.]

Maybe, Lincoln suggesting to have Lily as the third member of our "family trio" wasn't such a good idea, 'cause everyone in the Loud House seems to want the newborn Loud in their circle, and... Well, you be the judge.

[The next morning, the boys open the door to Lily's bedroom. Lincoln's eyes are closed.]

Lincoln: "Rise and shine, Lily! We've got a lot to do today."

[They discover the orange T-shirt and pacifier, but Lily isn't in her crib, and Lincoln screams in panic.]

Lynn: [Offscreen] "Now batting, Number 2, Lily Loud!"

[The boys peek out of the window and see Lynn training Lily to play baseball.]

Lincoln & Jackson: "Huh?"

[They rush outside the door with an angry look on Lincoln's face. They confront the two, but they duck to dodge a fastball approaching them.]

Lincoln: "Whoa! Lynn, what are you doing?"

Lynn: "Dude, you're not the only one in this family who doesn't have anyone to do stuff with. Lily's gonna be my sports buddy."

Lincoln: [Angrily confronts her face to face.] "Hey! This was our idea, and I want her back!"

Jackson: "You can't just go plagiarizing."

Lynn: [Angrily touches Lincoln's cheek with her baseball glove.] "You two don't own her!" [Presses his cheek] "She wants to hang with me!" [To Jackson] "And you're one to talk about plagiarizing."

Luan: "Introducing Luan Loud and her amazing dummy, Lil-Lil!" [Holding Lily, who is dressed like Mister Coconuts, in the same position as him.]

Jackson: "That's just a Miss Coconuts."

Luan: "I'm working on other costumes! Give me a break." [Turns to Lily] "Besides, I'm sure Lily likes this outfit. Say, Lily, who's your favorite singer? I bet it's... Lady..."

Lily: "Gaga!"

Luan: "What's your favorite Hawaiian platter?"

Lily: "Poo-poo!" [Jackson gives an annoyed look]

Luan: "What? That's really the name of the platter."

Jackson: "I... don't know why it's called that either."

Lynn: [Angrily confronts Luan] "Hey! That's no dummy! That's my cleanup hitter!"

[Lincoln cuts in between the two older sisters and stretches his arms to try to break up the argument. He angrily looks at Lynn.]

Lincoln: "No, she's mine!"

Lynn: "Gimme that dummy!"

[The three of them start fighting over Lily, who flies right out of the fight cloud and into someone else's hands. They then stop upon noticing this.]

Lincoln, Lynn, & Luan: "Lily?"

Jackson: "Uh... Lucy took her." [The three give Jackson an annoyed look for not bothering to do anything.]

[Lucy is dressing Lily up in goth fashion and showing her photos of the deceased. Lily touches the black paint on her face with her hands.]

Lucy: "This is Great-Grandma Harriet." [Lily blows a raspberry to Lucy. She then daubs all over Lucy's bedroom wall with the black paint as Lucy shows another photo.] "And this is Abraham Lincoln, our brother's namesake." [Shows another photo] "And this is Andrew Jackson, our housemate's namesake."

Jackson: [Offscreen] "I was also named after my dad."

[The camera cuts to the boys, entering with a suspicious look.]

Lincoln: "Uh, Lucy... What are you doing?"

Lucy: "I'm introducing Lily to my ghost friends."

Lincoln: [Grabs Lily] "She already has a couple of friends named Lincoln and Jackson!" [Takes Lily back]

Lucy: "Sigh."

[Lincoln wipes Lucy's makeup off Lily's face.]

Lincoln: "Black is not your color." [Pokes her nose] "Orange is!"

[He opens the drawer and brings out another small orange shirt. He turns around to find that Lily's gone again.]

Lincoln: [Clenching his fists in annoyance] "Dang it!" [He then notices Jackson nearby]

Jackson: [Sheepishly] "Lori shoved me."

[Lori is showing Lily her favorite reality show.]

Lori: "Now, Dylan can only pick one girl to spend the rest of his life with. And it'd better be Marisol." [Lily blows a raspberry] "Yeah, you're right. Maybe, he will be happier with Tiffany."

[Lincoln and Jackson cut in by sliding down the banister, angrily looking at Lori.]

Lincoln: [Annoyed] "Give her back, Lori!"

Lori: "Why should the two of you get her? I've literally been waiting 17 years for someone in this family who likes the things I like!"

Leni: [Offscreen yelling] "HELP!"

Jackson: "Len?!"

[Jackson, Lori, and Lincoln rush to Leni's rescue and discover she's stuck in Lily's crib.]

Leni: [Sighs with relief] "Oh, thank goodness. I got in here to show Lily my fashion magazine, but now, I can't get out of this baby prison!" [She bawls like a baby]

[Lincoln, Jackson, and Lori, while annoyed by Leni's usual behavior, help her out.]

Lincoln: "Upsy-daisy."

Jackson: "Come on!"

Lori: "There you go, Leni."

Leni: [Grateful] "Agoo."

Lori: [Pets her younger roommate's hair] "Oh, you sweet, naive little thing."

[Lisa suddenly starts laughing evilly from her other room, revealing that she has Lily strapped to one of her machines to use her as a test subject.]

Lily: "Poo-Poo?"

Lisa: I'm about to turn you into my own personal FRANKENSTEIN! [Laughs evilly]

[Lisa is about to throw the switch, but Lincoln and Jackson stop her.]

Lincoln: "Hold it! Are you nuts?!"

Jackson: "No one's turning anyone into a Frankenstein knockoff!"

Lisa: "Come on, guys! No one in this family ever willingly lets me do experiments on them!"

Lincoln: "Lisa! She's a baby!"

Jackson: "Exactly! You can't just take ADVANTAGE OF THAT!"

Lisa: "I was going to give her a sucker afterward." [Holds out a lollipop to which Lincoln and Jackson facepalm]

Jackson: That's beside the point!

[The other five sisters gather in a line, with Lincoln and Jackson dragging Lisa in.]

Lincoln: [Angrily] "Look, everyone just stay away from Lily! She's our little Lincoln!"

Lori, Leni, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, & Lisa: [Pointing to something they just noticed] "Uuuuh..."

Lincoln: "What?" 

Leni: "She disappeared again."

Lincoln: [Sees she's disappeared again with Lisa's equipment set still switched on.] "DANG IT!"

Jackson: [Finds a calling card made by...] "LUNA!!!"

[The boys suddenly hear something. Cut to Luna and Luan's room, with Luna jamming her guitar with Lily on drums. Luna gets up on her bunk bed.]

Luna: "STAGE DIVE! WOO!" [She dives off her bed right towards Lily, who has a bad feeling about this, and Lincoln, Jackson, and the sisters tackle her out of Lily's way.] "WOO!"

Jackson: [Irate] "SERIOUSLY, LOON?! A STAGE DIVE ON A BABY?! THAT'S WORSE THAN WHAT LISA..." [Thinks about it] "No, Lisa's still worse." [Lisa rolls her eyes] "What am I saying?" [Turns to Lily] "Hey, Lily, what do you think is-" [Notices something] "...worse?"

Lincoln, Lori, Leni, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, & Lisa: [They see that she's gone again] "Huh?! Where's Lily?!"

Luna: [Sees this too] "The twins!"

[Lily is having a tea party with Lola and Lana.]

Lola: "More tea, Lady Lillington?" [Lily removes a tiara that Lola placed on her head]

Lana: "She doesn't wanna have a dumb tea party." [Puts Izzy on Lily's head] "She wants to play with Izzy!" [They then start to pull Lily by her arms, which discomforts her.]

Lola: "No, she doesn't!"

Lana: "Yes, she does!"

Lola: "No, she doesn't!"

Lana: "Yes, she does!"

Luna: [Enters] "Dudes, give her back!" [Takes Lily] "We were in the middle of a jam sesh!"

Lisa: [Enters and takes Lily] "She was my specimen!"

Lucy: [Enters and takes Lily] "We were talking to Great-Grandma Harriet."

Lynn: [Enters and takes Lily] "We were playing ball!"

Luan: [Enters and takes Lily] "We were getting ready to take our show on the road!"

Leni: [Enters and takes Lily] "We were gonna look at my magazines!"

Lori: [Enters and takes Lily] "We were watching Dylan's date!"

Lucy: [Drifts off-topic] "BT-dubs, Lori, Great-Grandma Harriet knows you regifted her brooch." [Sternly] "And she is not happy about it."

[Lori instantly looks regretful.]

Lola & Lana: "GIVE US BACK LILY!"

[The girls all fight over Lily until Lincoln and Jackson come in, and the latter grabs her.]

Jackson: "This is too much for you." [He and Lincoln tiptoe away] "I'm gonna put you back in your crib."

Girls: [They stop fighting and notice their brother and their housemate are about to sneak away with their youngest sibling.] "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"

Jackson: [Sheepishly] "Just... taking her back to her crib?"

Lincoln: "RUN!" [He and Jackson storm out with Lily]

[A screaming Jackson tries to escape with Lily, but Lori stops him dead in his tracks.]

Lori: "I'll take that." [Grabs Lily and runs]

Lincoln: [Catches up] "Oh, no, you don't!" [Gets Lily back from Lori but crashes into Luan, who switched Lily out with Mister Coconuts.]

Luan: "Whoops. Sorry, Linc!" [Runs off as Lincoln notices the switch] "Sorry, dummy!" [Laughs but loses Lily to Leni]

Leni: "Ha! Na-na, na-na, na, na!" [Loses Lily to Lisa while she's gloating at Luan] "LILY'S INVISIBLE?!"

Lucy: [Offscreen] "Boo."

[Lisa screams and Lucy takes Lily from her.]

Lucy: "Boo."

[Leni runs off screaming; Lisa gets Lily back from Lucy, only for Leni to intercept her; Luan tosses a banana peel on the floor causing Leni to slip and drop Lily, and Lincoln catches her; Lynn intercepts Lily; Lola comes driving in her princess car and runs over Lynn and takes Lily from her; Lana tosses her jacks on the floor and causes Lola to have a tire blow out; in slow motion, Lola goes crashing and Lana grabs Lily, only for the other girls to catch up to her by blocking her path.]

Lana: "Dang it."

[They all start having another brawl, and an irate Jackson is about to pull out his pistol until Lincoln, upon seeing it, whistles out to them, and everyone stops.]

Lincoln: "Look! We all want Lily to be our mini-selves, right? Well, there's only one way to settle this: We'll let Lily choose."

[Jackson gulps.]

Chapter Text

[It appears to be a nice, quiet Saturday morning. A butterfly perches on Lincoln and Jackson's window.]

Luna: [From inside] "Party at the Loud House!"

[Just then, a sudden blast blows the butterfly away, while also disturbing Jackson, who exits with his camera. The usual Loud House chaos unfolds in the hallways. Luna is rocking, Lucy is reading her poetry on the attic steps, Lola and Lana are racing with their car and pogo stick, some commotion is coming from Lisa's other room, Lily is finger painting on the hall walls, and Luan is practicing with her dummy, Mister Coconuts.]

Mr. Coconuts: "How do you make an egg roll?"

Luan: "I don't know. How do you make an egg roll?"

Mr. Coconuts: "You push it!"

Luan: "Good one, Mr. Coconuts, but your delivery was a little wooden." [Laughs]

[Mister Coconuts just turns to her and stares at her vividly. Luan reacts surprised and turns to her roommate awkwardly. Leni comes out of her room, wearing one of Lori's tank tops.]

Lori: [Angrily] "Is that my shirt? Take it off!"

Leni: "I can't do that in the hallway!" [Referring to Mister Coconuts] "There are boys here!"

[Mister Coconuts raises his eyebrows in an aroused motion, but Luan covers his eyes.]

Mr. Coconuts: "Ah, coconuts."

[Lynn is leaping off the walls in the manner of parkour. Lincoln is trying to copy it, but he falls on his face. Lynn bounces off Luna's speakers and leaps over Lola's car and Lana's pogo stick. Lincoln tries it, but Lola runs him over, and Lana bounces off him. He tries to catch up with Lynn.]

Lynn: "See, Linc, the key to parkour is momentum. Never stop moving." [Leaps onto and springs off the bathroom door.] "Door jump!" [Flips back]

Lincoln: "Door jump!" [Tries to do the same, but he instead dropkicks the door open and falls in, causing Cliff to yowl in pain off-screen.] "Sorry, Cliff!"

[Cliff comes walking out of the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper on his right paw. The hind one.]

Lincoln: [On the bathroom floor; pained] "I'm okay. Just gonna lie here a sec on the nice, soft floor." [Jackson arrives] "Oh. Are you recording?"

Jackson: "I was just doing a Q&A session, but Luna's music turned it into an impromptu vlog session."

Lincoln: "Sweet! Now, we can show your viewers what happens here on Saturdays." [To the recording] "Welcome to a typical Saturday morning in the Loud House. Sure, it's crazy, but that's the way we like it. All 12 of us."

Chapter Text

Can you believe it's come to this?

Some days prior, Lucy clogged the toilet with a book from a franchise that she secretly likes, a franchise that is looked down upon by my other sisters, even Lola. We were all grounded until the culprit came out. I teamed up with Lucy to find the culprit, until she was ultimately revealed to be said culprit. So, I took the fall for her because... Well, let's face it. When it comes to us getting picked on, Lucy is the most fragile. But I can take it since I'm practically used to this nonsense.

Ever since I took the rap for Lucy over her Princess Pony book, my sisters have basically sentenced me to a lifetime of ridicule and mockery. Talk about no good deed going unpunished. Still, better me than her. I'm already tired of going along with it.

Worse still, Jackson was away in Lansing when this was happening. So, he was completely unaware of this.

Not that I want him to be. I was once told of a... violent side that lives within him, and if he learned about this... Well, you know.

Then, one day, I got ill. We don't know how it happened, but I wasn't in the mood to care.

I had chills and a fever the following morning. The events of the past few days caused acute and chronic stress, which took a toll on my body and left me with what was called a psychogenic fever. Or at least, that's what Lisa surmised.

Worse still, Jackson hadn't come back yet.

Rita: "Lisa, just go to school. I'll stay home with Lincoln today."

Lisa: "But Mother, I insist that I can-"

Rita: "I know what I'm doing. Now, go."

Lisa: "Suit yourself." [Leaves] "But don't forget who removed his appendix." [Rita sighs, slightly frustrated.]

Mom didn't need backtalk from her own daughter, especially with her only son having become physically sick from stress and worry. The kind of fever I came down with was considered rare, more likely to occur in females, yet here I was, shivering in bed, proving it was possible for it to happen to even little boys.

[Rita sits on Lincoln's bed and holds her little boy close, listening to his shivering breaths and feeling his whole body quiver. He is wrapped in a blanket, even while still in bed.]

Rita: "Oh, sweetheart."

Lori: [Arrives] "He's not sick, Mom. He's just being overdramatic."

Rita: "Lori! He is feeling ill! How could you say such a thing? His whole body is shaking."

Lori: "Did you literally take his temperature?"

Rita: "Yes, I did." [Shows Lori the thermometer.] "Thirty-eight degrees Celsius. See for yourself."

Lori: "I'll pass." [Leaves]

Rita: "Ugh... Just go to school."

Lori: [To herself] "Twerp. Mom's just playing favorites. Who does she think she is? I'm the one in charge."

[Back in Lincoln's room, Rita continued to hold her only son in a motherly hug, ever so gently rocking him back and forth.]

Rita: "I'm sorry you're sick, honey. And I'm sorry that Lori said that about you. I know you've been avoiding your sisters, or trying to... and I'm sorry that it wasn't enough. You're just under a lot of stress, sweetie. So, try to get some rest. I'll make you some soup in a bit, okay?"

[Lincoln, still shivering in a blanket, was barely able to nod his head. His breaths were coming out in such shivers that he could barely even form a word to speak.]

Lincoln: "I... I-I... I-I...  I-I-I-I-I..." [Rita gently shushes Lincoln to help him save his strength.]

Rita: "It's all right, sweetie. It's all right."

She remembered that I had been allowed to leave school early after recess left me unable to concentrate and recover for the rest of the day.

But was there an ulterior motive behind me getting bullied to such a degree? By the way it was described, it couldn't have been a coincidence that the cause behind the toilet's most recent clogging was a book, something about a pony. Was her son expecting this incident to escalate to him coming down with a psychogenic fever? Was this incident, in fact, a misunderstanding?

In the end... that answer was a "Yes".

[Rita suddenly let outs a loud gasp, getting Lincoln's attention.]

Rita: "Lincoln! You... You didn't clog the toilet that time, did you?"

The moment she asked me that, I realized that the cat was finally out of the bag, though at the same time, somewhere elsewhere in the house, Cliff only just got his head out of a bag and shook it off.

[Lincoln looks up into his mother's eyes, and through his chills, he is able to shake his head. Rita came to tears.]

Rita: "But that means your father grounded you for no reason! You voluntarily took the blame for something you didn't do! And you wanted to go to that... that... Oh, honey! I'm so sorry!" [The mother and son shared a quiet moment together on Lincoln's bed.

Lincoln: "(Mom? Why are you crying?)"

At the time, I didn't hear what she said after I answered her question, but it later became apparent that my parents found out that they had grounded me for nothing and had learned that I took the blame for someone; they were still unaware that it was Lucy.

All of them will probably learn eventually, but right now, that's beside the point.

By late afternoon, my fever had broken enough so that I could finally get out of bed. I still wore my pajamas, having been sick all day. So, I snuck out of my room, thinking my sisters might be lying in wait to tease me for the umpteenth time. It looked like they were about to, when I started to hear chatter from my parents downstairs.

Lynn Sr: "Well, what are we supposed to do? Ground the kids again until the truth comes out? Lincoln lied to us, and it probably won't be the last time. So, we might be at an impasse. Maybe, we should wait until Jackson comes back. He might have a better solution, 'cause we're all out."

Rita: "Honey, we're not gonna do anything. We're not even going to bring Jackson into this. We're going to put this whole thing behind us. In all likelihood, whoever really clogged the toilet must have learned her lesson by now."

I felt awful. While I did get grounded for no reason, I also lied about it, and to my parents, it sounded like I was covering for the real culprit, Lucy. It was of small comfort that Mom was willing to just move on, but I knew the only real way to move on was for all the teasing over Princess Pony to just stop completely. Amazingly, the doors to my sisters' room closed. They must've heard our parents, but I wasn't sure at the time.

Lincoln: [To himself] "Who am I kidding? I really don't think I can take much more of this. And if I really have to put up with this... for the rest of my life..." Sniffs and wipes his nose on his sleeve.] "What's gonna happen to me?"

Lucy: [Appears] "Lincoln?" [Lincoln is unfazed by this] "You really can't handle your sisters teasing you, can you?"

Lincoln: [Sighs] "I thought I could, Lucy. I really thought I could." [Lucy's lip quivers slightly, and she gently pulls her big brother in for a nice, warm hug. After a minute in each other's arms, Lincoln breaks their silence.] "Mom knows I didn't clog the toilet. I'm sorry, Lucy."

Lucy: "No, I'm sorry, Linc. I... I hate to tell you this, but... seeing your sisters tease you like that... It hurt me." [Tears stream down her face, and her voice hitched.] "It hurt me... a lot more than any teasing your sisters could have done to me... if I had fessed up."

These words got to me, as I now felt that my immediate little sister was hurting a lot worse because of me. My arms were still wrapped around Lucy as I dropped to my knees and sobbed.

Lucy: "Lincoln. D-Don't cry, big brother. Don't cry." [The brother and sister held each other, almost for dear life, crying in each other's arms unseen in the upstairs hallway.]

[Downstairs, Jackson arrives, prompting the two to separate and head back to their rooms.]

Jackson: "I'm home. Did I miss anything?"

Rita: [Fibbing] "N-No, Jackson. Nothing big happened."

Lynn Sr: "We might need your help with the toilet though."

Jackson: "Wait. What happened to the toilet?"

Chapter Text

So, Lincoln and I were given the task of watching over the class pet, Frank. However, the problem is that Frank is a tarantula, a type of spider, and my ex, Leni, is arachnophobic.

Reminds me of something I once told Clyde.

[Lincoln is walking with Clyde and Jackson, holding the cage.]

Lincoln: "This is gonna be the best weekend ever!"

Clyde: "I'm not sure your sister, Leni, will think so. Remember last Halloween?"

[Flashback to last Halloween; the doorbell rings, and Walt, dressed as a vampire, grumpily squawks.]

Jackson: [Dressed as a cowboy] "Quiet, bird."*

Leni: [Dressed as a flamingo and running down the stairs.] "I got it!"

[She answers the door to see Clyde in a spider costume.]

Clyde: "Trick or tre-"

Leni: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!"

[She sprays bug spray everywhere and runs out the door while knocking Clyde over on his back.]

Clyde: "I'm alright."

Jackson: [Groans] "Clyde, we've been over this! We agreed that we weren't gonna dress up as spiders!"

Clyde: [Gets up] "I know, but I couldn't find anything but this costume." [Jackson facepalms]

[End flashback]

Clyde: "She hid in her room for three weeks."

Jackson: "All because everyone took all of the good costumes."

Clyde: "You could've told Leni to make one of my choosing. I mean, isn't she a designer in her own right?"

Jackson: "She isn't that fast."

[Lincoln stops and turns to the others.]

Lincoln: "Look. If I had to worry about my sisters every time I wanted to do something, I'd never do anything." [Confidently] "Besides, I have a plan. Stealth Mode."

[Lincoln waves his hand in front of his face and changes his expression to a more focused look. He hides behind the tree and tiptoes into the house.]

Clyde: "Now, I'm worried."

Jackson: "Took the words from my mouth."

[Lincoln opens the front door ajar and peeks to see if Leni is around.]

Leni: "SPIDER!!!" [She is being chased by Luan, holding a rubber spider over her face.] "GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!"

Luan: "Aw, come on. It's fake."

Chapter Text

[Lincoln and Jackson are dumping all the trash around the house into a trash bag; Jackson is recording an "importance of chores" vlog.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "It's Chore Day at the Loud House, and taking out the trash is our job. And in a family as big as mine, chores can be pretty intense. But we get through 'em because we all do our fair share."

[Leni enters the bathroom, plucks a hair out of the sink, and places it on Lincoln's garbage pile.]

Leni: "Chores all done!" [Slams the door, making the trash splatter all over Jackson.]

Jackson: [Miffed] "Leni!"

Lincoln: "Well, except maybe for Leni." [Starts cleaning out the expired and moldy stuff in the fridge, and Jackson notices Luan and Lynn washing the dishes together.]

Jackson: "Wait. Two of you do one chore?"

Lucy: [Closes the fridge door behind the boys' back.] "Three of us, actually."

[The duo screams in fear of Lucy and observes Luan, who is washing a dish and passing it to Lucy.]

Lucy: "Sigh." [Dries it off with her breath.]

Luan: [Clears her throat and speaks in a commentator tone] "Her teammate is in the open! Luan Loud makes the throw, and..."

Lynn: [Catches the plate tossed to her by Luan.] "Lynn Loud makes the snag!" [Puts it away]

Both: "Touchdown!"

Lincoln: "That doesn't seem very fair."

[Enter Luna with the vacuum]

Luna: "Open sesame, bro." [Dumps all the dust she vacuumed up into the bag.]

Lincoln: "Thanks, Loon."

Lana: [Carrying in the pooper scooper] "Little present from Charles!" [Dumps it in] "Special delivery from Cliff!" [Dumps it in] "And airmail from Walt!" [Catches Walt's incoming dung and tosses it into the trash bag, and the three notice Geo rolling away.]

Jackson: "That's only three of the pets."

Lincoln: "What about Geo?"

[The toilet flushes]

Lana: "Oh, I taught him to use the toilet."

Lincoln: "This isn't a chore for you; it's a hobby."

[Water splashes]

Lana: "Uh-oh! Geo fell in again!" [Busts out a net and runs to his rescue.] "Hang on, baby! Mama's comin'!"

Lucy: "Probably not the best idea if he's going to keep falling in." [The boys nod in agreement]

[The basement; Lori is doing everyone's laundry and Lily is spinning on the top of the vibrating dryer; Lori adds the detergent and leaves the machine to do its thing while she texts on her phone; the boys gather the trash down there and are struggling to get the bag up the stairs since it's gotten so bulky from all the other trash.]

Lincoln: "Can Jax and I get a little help here?"

Lori: "Can't you see I'm doing the laundry?"

Jackson: "All we see is you texting on your phone."

Lori: "Well, at least, I'm at the ready when the timer goes off." [Laughs as she sees a recent text] "LOL, Bobby!"

Lincoln: [Unable to hold the bag.] "WHOA!" [Gets crushed; finally gets the bag out to the curb, only to find that the weight from it has torn a hole in it, and the trash has been scattered everywhere.] "Dang it."

Jackson: "Now, what?"

Lincoln: [Heads back to the house] "I'm gonna talk to my sisters if you need me."

Jackson: "What about the trash?"

Lincoln: "You do it! I'm tired."

Jackson: [Facepalms] "Fine."

[Luna is vacuuming some more, and Lincoln comes in.]

Lincoln: "Luna?" [Luna doesn't hear him] "Luna!" [Luna still can't hear him. So, he unplugs the device, finally getting her attention.]

Luna: "Dude, what gives?"

Lincoln: "I'm trying to talk to you."

Luna: "Well, I'm all ears now."

Lori: [Arrives with Lily] "What are you two yelling about now?"

Luna: "Lincoln's trying to talk to me."

Lisa: [Arrives with Lola] "Or rather, all of us. Well, go ahead, dear brother. What do you have to say?"

Lincoln: "Alright, everyone! Listen up! It has come to my attention that I've gotten a raw deal in this house!"

Leni: "You mean your white hair? It's nice. It makes you look like Pop-Pop."

Lola: "Not what he meant, Leni."

Lincoln: "I'm not talking about our grandfather! I'm talking about my chore! It's way harder than all of yours, and it's not fair!"

Lori: "Please. Our chores are just as hard as yours, if not harder. If we trade with you, then you'll see the difference in a heartbeat."

Lincoln: "Oh, really? Look at Lisa! What does she even do?"

Lisa: [On the line] "Uh, hold on a moment, Janice." [Puts Janice on hold; to Lincoln] "I do the bills, Lincoln. Our parents assigned that task to me after they told me about their financial struggles." [Goes back on her call] "Now, listen, I want that charge removed, Janice. I don't think anyone in this house bought a car in Saskatchewan."

Lincoln: "Well, if you all think your chores are so hard, I'm sure one of you won't mind trading with me."

Lori: "No way, Lincoln. There's a very delicate balance in this house, and if we all start trading chores, it will literally open up a can of worms."

Lana: "What's so bad about that? Worms rule!" [The others facepalm in response]

Lynn: "Not what she meant, Lana."

Lincoln: [Deterred] "Okay then..."

[Later, Jackson returns after cleaning up the mess outside.]

Jackson: "Okay. I'm finished with cleaning up the dang mess that Linc-" [Notices everyone in the kitchen] "What the...?" [Heads over]

[Lincoln starts holding up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a trash can, indicating he's on strike from his chore. The others follow him.]

Lincoln: [Chanting] "One, two, three, four! I won't do your stupid chore!"

Lori: "What the heck are you doing?"

Lincoln: "I'm on strike until someone agrees to trade chores with me." [Chanting] "Five, six, seven, eight! Garbage Day will have to wait!"

Lana: "What am I supposed to do with all this poop?" [Holds up several sacks]

Lincoln: "Oh, I can answer that." [Chanting more] "Nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Take that poop out by yourself!"

Lori: "Ugh! Will you stop talking in chants?"

Lincoln: [Refusing to stop] "Sorry. Can't hear ya, Lori!" [Lori facepalms] "Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen!" [Stops] "Uh... Let's see." [Tries to think of a rhyme for sixteen as the parents watch.]

Jackson: "Lincoln, I think that this might get out of-"

Lincoln: "Who said you could speak?"

Lynn: [Taunting] "Ooh! You got a taste of your medicine!"

Jackson: "Who said you could speak?" [Lynn scowls at that, and Lana tries not to laugh]

Lynn Sr: "Think we should intervene, honey? Jackson seems to be struggling."

Rita: "No, not yet. I wanna see what Lincoln rhymes with sixteen. Also, maybe we should let the kids handle this themselves. They might learn something."

Lynn Sr: "Good idea." [Busts out a jigsaw puzzle] "In that case, it's time for ol' Jigsaw Loud to get back in the puzzle game!"

Rita: [Chuckles dryly] "Didn't we agree never to use that name again?"

[Lola is practicing her posture with books on her head.]

Lola: "And that's why I deserve to be the next Miss Cute N' Mean's Beauty Queen." [Slips on a banana peel]

Lincoln: [Chanting] "What do I want? Someone else's chore! When do I want it? Now! What do I want? Someone else's chore! When do I want it?" [Gets pegged by peel] "Ow!"

Jackson: [Smugly] "Don't you mean 'Now'?"

Lincoln: "Shut up."

[In Luna's room, Chunk is helping Luna with her amps as she rocks on.]

Luna: "So, whatcha think, Chunk?"

Chunk: "It stinks."

Luna: "Way harsh, dude."

Chunk: "Not the song, Luna. I meant your room. Chunk's gotta blow." [Leaves]

Lincoln: [Chanting] "Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with trash! Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with-" [Luna gets annoyed and tosses her drumsticks at him, and he shields himself with his sign.] "Ha! Missed me!"

[Luna tosses the rest of her drum kit at him and gets him this time, along with Jackson, sending them to the room opposite.]

Luna: "Sorry, Jax! I meant to hit Lincoln."

Jackson: "Shut up."

[Leni is getting ready to take a shower, but she opens the curtain and finds the tub filled with garbage.]

Leni: "Ew!"

Lincoln [Faking sympathy] "Aw... Got a problem?"

Leni: "Oh. Not with you, Pop-Pop."

[Lincoln, thinking she's saying that on purpose, puts on a hairnet to hide his white hair until further notice.]

[At night, the girls are all having a meeting to discuss Lincoln's behavior.]

Lola: "Princesses cannot live in this filth!"

Lana: "It's disgusting, and I know disgusting."

Lucy: "I totally agree."

Lori: "This can't go on. We have to do something."

[Lincoln, walking around the hallway holding his sign, overhears this and believes one of them is finally going to agree to trade chores with him.]

Lincoln: [Chanting quietly] "Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Tomorrow I get a whole new Cho...re. Good thing they're giving in. 'Cause I'm all out of rhymes."

Jackson: [Already in bed] "Good. Now, go to sleep."

[The next morning, the boys wake up and find out that they have no clean laundry. So, Jackson grabs the go-bag under the bed, and they use the clothes in there. They then appear halfway down the stairs behind Lori.]

Lincoln: "Lori, where's all our clean laundry?"

Lori: "Hm... Laundry, laundry... Oh! I didn't do it."

Jackson: "And why not?"

[Lori holds up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a washing machine.]

Lincoln & Jackson: "Ha! You're going on strike?"

[Dramatic music plays as the other girls hold up signs as well.]

Lana: "We're all going on strike until you end yours!"

Lori: "That means no laundry, no clean dishes, no vacuuming..."

Lisa: "...and no doing the bills." [On her call] "Janice, cut the power and the water. We're going off the grid."

Lincoln: [Deterred] "Well, good luck! 'Cause I'm not backing down!"

Sisters: "NEITHER ARE WE!"

Jackson: "As if any of these protests will do any good."

Lori: "Oh, you'll see, Delaney! One side is bound to prove the other two sides wrong." [Chanting] "One, two, three, four! I won't wash your clothes, no more!"

Luna: "Chores! Huh! What Are They Good For?"

Sisters: "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! SAY IT AGAIN!"

Lynn Sr: "Now, should we intervene? I don't wanna leave Jackson alone."

Rita: "Oh, no. Jackson's a big kid. He can handle things like before. Let's give the kids a little more time to resolve this on their own."

Lynn Sr: "Sweet! Who's up for round two? Jiggy Loud's about to do a pizzy up in this bizzy!" [Grabs Rita's hand and they walk off-screen.]

Rita: "Uh-uh."

[THE NEXT DAY]

[Charles licks Lincoln awake, making him laugh. He gets up to find that all his clothes stink. So, he applies a garbage bag to wear. He leaves his room, where he comes across Lynn kicking something around.]

Lincoln: "Ew. What is that?"

Lynn: "Bunch of hair from the sink drain. Makes a great footbag."

[The footbag hits Lincoln on the head, making him angry.]

Jackson: [Goes to check on Lori] "Hey, Lori. Just came to check on Len."

Lori: "Well, you just missed her. She went out for a walk. I'm sure you can take a wild guess as to why."

Lincoln: [Enters] "You know, now that Lisa stopped paying the bills, it must be pretty hard having no cell service."

Lori: "Who needs cell service?" [Holds up Walt in her hands and gives him a message as her text, wrapped around his foot.] "I found a new way to text Bobby. Fly away, my faithful messenger!"

[Walt takes off and smacks into the window, to which the boys laugh.]

Jackson: "Looks like this new service is already having buffer troubles."

Lori: "What? Phones crash all the time. A bird crashing like that is no different." [Opens the window and lets Walt fly.]

[Lisa and Lily's room]

Lincoln: "Pretty messy in here. Must be pretty hard to get any work done."

Lisa: "On the contrary. The garbage and my chemicals have fused, creating a scientific breakthrough." [A living, breathing creature made out of trash wakes up, much to the boys' dismay] "Behold. My new friend. I call him Homo Trashilius. Or Trashy for short."

[It roars at the boys, scaring them out of the room. Jackson bumps into the parents while Lincoln runs off.]

Lynn Sr: "Okay. Now, should we intervene? Is this proof enough for you?"

Jackson: "Yeah, I could really use some help."

Rita: "I know, Jackson, but I still think the kids can solve this themselves. Besides, the house has... looked worse."

Jackson: "No, we have to do something about this."

Rita: "Okay, but let's give it one more day, and if nothing changes, then we can get involved." [She then notices Lily crawling around in trash with a chip bag on her head.] "Aw, come here, sweetie." [Picks her up]

Lynn Sr: "Round three with Jiggy P?"

Rita: "Mm..." [She declines and leaves.]

Lynn Sr: "How about you, Jax?"

Jackson: [Leaves] "Do it yourself."

Lynn Sr: [Sighs] "Fine." [Heads down the stairs] "If you want something done right, you gotta do it your-" [Steps on a banana peel and nearly slips] "...self."

Jackson: "Watch your step, please."

[THE NEXT DAY]

[A raccoon licks Lincoln awake, thus terrifying both of them, with the raccoon closing the door behind him; Lincoln, still wearing his garbage bag, steps on the floor, but it squelches because of all the trash lying around. He grabs a pair of tissue boxes and puts them on as shoes as he leaves his room; The hallway's light is switched off, and Lynn's footbag has gotten so big that she's trapped inside of it while it rolls around the dark hallway.]

Lynn: "HELP! MY FOOTBAG'S OUT OF CONTROL!"

Lincoln: [Rudely] "This could all be over if you'd just end your strike."

Lynn: [Shakes fist] "NOT TILL YOU END YOOOOURS!!!" [Rolls away]

Jackson: "Good luck with that, Baby Lynn."

Lynn: "DON'T CALL ME THAT IN THE HOUSE!"

[The doorbell rings; Jackson answers it.]

Jackson: "Yes? Can we help you?"

Reporter: "Hi, we're from the Miss Cute N' Mean pageant, here to do a behind-the-scenes interview with Miss Lola Loud."

Jackson: "Well, she's unavailable at the moment. So, you'll have to wait at least-"

[Lola comes down in her ensemble, now covered in trash.]

Lola: [Singing] "♪ Here she is! The next Miss Cute N' Mean! ♪" [Poses and faints]

Reporter: [Annoyed] "Ew! More like Miss Gross N' Gnarly! Okay, we'll wait a little longer outside! Interview over for now!"

[The crew leaves and shuts the front door. Lola wakes up and tries to catch them, but it's too late.]

Lola: "NO!" [Growls at Lincoln] "You...! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" [Starts chasing Lincoln]

Jackson: "Normally, I'd vouch for you, Linc, but I've officially taken a neutral stance."

Lincoln: "Curse you, Jackson!"

[Lori is watching and laughing at Lincoln's torture; just then, Clyde enters, happy to see her.]

Clyde: "Lori!"

[Lori shrieks in horror to see that Walt sent her text to Clyde instead of Bobby.]

Clyde: [Wearing a blue suit] "Walt brought me your text. Usually, I bleed profusely from my nose, turn into a robot, and eventually faint when I'm around you, but this has given me the confidence to say... I LOVE YOU TOO!'"

Lori: "WHAT?!"

Clyde: "Don't worry. I already broke the news to Bobby. He took it pretty hard, but a really nice cheerleader is consoling him." [Puckers his lips, hoping for a kiss, causing Lori to growl in anger. Jackson tries not to laugh at Lori's misfortune.]

Lori: "I hate you guys."

Lincoln: [Nervous] "Phew! Finally lost Lola."

Lori: [Enraged growl] "YOU!!!" [Chases Lincoln, who runs away in panic again and is unable to lose her.]

[A much bigger Trashy unleashes from the doorway, growling and grabbing the two of them before they could escape.]

Lisa: [Angrily to Trashy.] "TRASHY! BAD!" [Realizes she's still on her call.] "No, no, not you, Janice. I'm talking to my other friend here."

Lincoln: "Lisa! What have you been feeding him?"

Lisa: "His name is Trashy. What do you think, genius?"

[Trashy roars voraciously - distracting the other siblings as they peep out of their rooms - and shakes the two victims side to side, while Jackson feebly tries to calm him. Lily starts wailing off in the distance.]

Trashy: "Baby?"

Jackson: "Y-Yes! You're disturbing her." [Trashy calms down and releases Lori and Lincoln]

Lori: [Annoyed] "Great, Lincoln. You made Lily cry."

Jackson: "No, Trashy did that."

Lori: "Trashy wouldn't even exist if not for Lincoln's-"

Lincoln: "Whatever! We gotta check on Lily!"

[The kids and Trashy check Lily's crib.]

Lincoln: "There, there. It's okay, Lily." [Pulls out the covers only to find that the raccoon is in Lily's crib instead of Lily. The raccoon chitters in anger, before jumping up and performing some combat moves, making everyone except Lana and Jackson yelp. He is then caught in a net.]

Lana: [Catches it] "I'm more than just poop patrol."

[Lana tosses the raccoon at the window, which is closed, knocking him into the trash; the frustrated raccoon opens it up and leaves.]

Lincoln: "Guys, if the raccoon was in the crib..."

Jackson: "...then where's Lily?"

[The girls and Trashy gasp. The siblings start rummaging through the trash in search of her.]

Kids: "LILY!!!"

Lincoln: "She's in here somewhere!"

Lucy: "We'll never find her in this mess."

Lincoln: "We have to clean up!" [Holds up sign and announces] "I declare this strike officially over!" [Breaks his sign onto his knee and yelps in pain as he gets a splinter.] "Ow!" [Jackson pulls the splinter out] "Who's with me?"

Sisters: "WE ARE!!!" [They break their signs, though half of them get the same result]

Lisa: [Calls Janice] "Janice, how soon can we get back on the grid?" [Listens] "24 hours?" [Listens] "What if I throw in a muffin basket?"

[Janice obliges and puts them back on the grid. The lights are turned back on; the kids continue to search for Lily in their junkyard of a house.]

Jackson: "Trashy, absorb this gunk!"

[Trashy complies and does so, clearing the house of the green gunk, but there is still some trash to clean up.]

Lincoln: "Come on! You gotta be around here somewhere!"

[They hear Lily making noises, and it sounds like it's coming from the kitchen.]

Lincoln: "Hang on, Lily! Your big brother's coming!" [Quickly rummages the dirty plates, shattering as they crash into the walls.]

Lucy: [Grabs his arm and interrupts him] "There's a better way."

Luan: "Wash and learn, dear brother!" [Laughs and starts doing the dishes at breakneck speed.]

Lucy: "Sigh." [Dries it with her breath]

[Lynn is still trapped in her hairy footbag, and Luna vacuums it up and sets her free; Lynn catches all incoming plates, and Lincoln checks the basement.]

Lincoln: "Hang on, Lily! I'm coming!" [Dives into a laundry pile stacked up high but starts to drown.] "So... much... underwear!"

Lori: [Saves him and becomes annoyed] "Yeah, and that's just Dad's. Now, get outta my way, little bro. I've got a system." [Starts washing and folding all the laundry.]

[The basement appears to be a lot clearer, with most of the washing stacked neatly in piles. While she works, Clyde pops out of the hamper, stunning her.]

Clyde: "Hey, sugar lips. Should our couple name be "Clori" or "Llyde"?"

Lori: "I just texted Bobby a minute ago. I made sure that he and I are back together so that I don't have to put up with you."

[Clyde ends up getting another nosebleed from both nostrils.]

Clyde: [Acting like a robot.] "ABORT. ABORT." [Sighs and faints]

Jackson: "You'll be fine, bubba." [Pats his head]

[Luna and Lisa continue cleaning until Lana appears holding two poop bags.]

Lana: "Poop patrol is done, but no Lily!"

Lola: [From the top of the stairway as Luan and Lori also appear.] "Beds are made, but no Lily!"

Trashy: [Lifts up the sofa and checks under it.] "No baby!"

Lola: [Worried] "Maybe she's under all this trash!"

Lincoln: "Step aside!" [Gets out a trash bag] "Taking out the trash... is my job."

[Lincoln eyes Trashy, who gulps, and takes all the trash out through the windows next to the trash can.]

Lori: "Well, we've all done our chores, but there's still no sign of Lily."

Lincoln: [Guilty and upset] "This is all my fault! For the rest of my life..." [A giggling baby is heard in the distance] "...I'll be haunted by the sound of her adorable giggling!"

Rita: "Lincoln, dear, what are you crying about?"

Lincoln: "Mom, I confess! We lost-" [Surprised] "...Lily? Have you guys had her this whole time?"

Rita: [Holding Lily in her arms] "Of course. You didn't think we'd leave her in that mess, did you?"

Lynn Sr: "You know, we're proud of you guys for working this out. Now, who wants to do a puzzle with J to the Iggy?"

Kids: "Who?" [Jackson facepalms]

[Later on, Lincoln, while wearing his normal clothes again, walks outside with his sign and Jackson's camera.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "When it comes to chores, nobody in the Loud House has it easy. The truth is, we all do our fair share." [Feeds his strike sign to Trashy.]

Mr. Grouse: [From a window] "Hey, Loud! Don't bother! There's no trash pickup this week! The garbage workers are striking for more money!"

Lincoln: [Suspicious] "Wait! They get paid to take out the trash?!"

[The kids smile deviously upon getting an idea. Later, they are now back on strike, demanding an allowance for their chores.]

Kids: [Chanting] "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! GIVE US CASH, OR NO MORE CHORES!"

Rita: [Holding Lily] "Any ideas, J Pizzy?"

Lynn Sr: "Now, this is a puzzle." [Realizes] "Wait." [Giddy] "Can you call me that again?"

Rita: [Sighs] "J Pizzy."

Lynn Sr: "YES!"

Jackson: [Gets a bottle of lemonade from the fridge] "I've heard better nicknames than that." [Takes a sip while ignoring the chanting]

Chapter Text

So, in a previous story, I once tried to gain a trophy by posting embarrassing videos of my sisters, but in the end, they were livid with me for making them into laughingstocks, prompting me to make an apology video, which is me embarrassing my own self. Unfortunately, I also humiliated a fellow schoolmate named Cristina Pollard in the process, which not only led to her switching classes to get away from me, but also my sisters making a trophy for me.

At first, I was elated to finally have a trophy to put in my spot in the trophy case, but after another encounter with Cristina, I began to look back. I was still relieved to have a trophy, but I couldn't help but feel disgusted by how I obtained it. Next thing I knew, my sisters started feeling disgusted as well, because they knew that they played an indirect role in that poor girl's life being ruined.

So, we approached our parents and Jackson for a solution. Mom and Dad weren't sure themselves, but Jackson...

Well, he's always the levelheaded housemate that we knew and loved.

Jackson: "Maybe you should give a heartfelt gift and an apology. You should also tell her the events that happened prior to this."

And so, we began a search for the right gift for Cristina. It took us a while, but we did find one.

By then, our parents finally asked us during dinner.

Lynn Sr: "So, any ideas how you're going to apologize to that girl, kids?"

Lincoln: "Yeah, it took us a while, but we think we found the right gift for her. Hopefully, she'll understand the situation."

Lori: "And hopefully, she'll listen to us."

Jackson: "If not, I'll practically force her into the house to hear you out."

Rita: "OR... we'll just have to have to move on."

Leni: "But it'll be difficult for her to move on. She could be scarred for life for all we know."

Lincoln: "I don't know. One day, I had a run-in with one of my schoolmates, Connie Wyndhurst, and she told me that Cristina might be able to move on."

Jackson: "Regardless, this nonsense has to come to an end somehow."

But little did Jackson know that it was also easier said than done for Cristina.

Elsewhere, Cristina was walking towards the principal's house when Connie came by.

Connie: "Cristina, what are you doing?"

Cristina: "I'm going to transfer to another school."

Connie: [Surprised] "What?!"

Cristina: "It seems switching classes isn't enough for our schoolmates to move on from that stupid video."

Connie: "Isn't that a little extreme? Sure, you were embarrassed in that video, but transferring..."

Cristina: "Lincoln Loud made a fool of me. And I can't stand to be close to him anymore. Not to mention, I heard from your best friend, Branwen, that you had a run-in with him sometime later, and you called me all kinds of things. A 'coward', a 'baby', 'weird', I can go on."

Connie: [Sheepishly] "Okay, I'll admit, that was a bit excessive on my part-"

Cristina: "'A bit excessive'?! You only prolong my humiliation, Wyndhurst!"

Connie: [Groans] "Me and my big mouth. Look, what if he apologized for what happened? Wouldn't that make things better?"

Cristina: [Sighs] "Maybe. This whole situation was a little overwhelming."

Connie: "You're telling me. However, running away from your problems won't help anything. Plus, you don't know why he posted that video in the first place."

Cristina: "I hate that you're right. But how could Lincoln and I resolve our issue if we don't know where the other one lives?"

Connie: "Leave that to me." [Grabs Cristina's hand and starts to drag her back to her house] "Several people grew up with Lincoln, including me. So, I'll just call them, and one of them is bound to know the exact address."

Funnily enough, I was later told by Connie that Clyde, who did know where I live, was the last person to ask.

Back home, Jackson got word from Clyde that Connie and Cristina were on their way to the Loud House. So, he got everyone ready.

Luna: "This is a nightmare. No matter how much we try to think otherwise, it's a straight-up nightmare."

Jackson: "And whose fault was it that it exists?"

[The others groan]

Rita: "Okay. Jackson, I know we're on your side with this situation, but you're being a bit excessive."

Jackson: "I'm just making sure that this works."

Rita: [Sighs] "You've got so much of your dad in your blood."

Jackson: "Whatever."

We hoped that Cristina would accept the gift that we found. As we waited, we had no idea that Cristina and Connie were already arriving to hear what we had to say for ourselves.

Or rather, what I had to say for myself.

Connie: "Ready for this, Cristina?"

Cristina: "I guess." [The girls walk to the door to see the Louds and Jackson in the living room. Lincoln became nervous, seeing that the girl whom he had managed to embarrass was just a couple of inches away. Sighing, he saw the girls looking at him with varying expressions on their faces.]

Connie: "Well, you know what to do, Lincoln. You have a lot of explaining to do!"

Lincoln: [Sighs] "We know, Connie."

I wasn't in the mood for her attitude.

It was silent for a couple of minutes before I spoke.

Lincoln: "Look, I'm really sorry about embarrassing you in that video, Cristina. But before you say anything... I'm not entirely to blame for it."

Cristina: "What do you mean?"

Lincoln: "A couple of days before the incident... I entered a contest to win a trophy. Let's face it. I'm the only one in my family who didn't have one or any achievements at the time. The first couple of videos weren't the greatest. So, I decided to ask my sister, Luan, for help."

Cristina: "Okay. But what does this have to do with the video?"

Jackson: "He's getting there."

Lincoln: "After receiving her help... I recorded and posted embarrassing videos of my sisters. And by the time that they found out... they were made into laughingstocks, which caused them to become very angry with me. So, to show that I'm sorry... I did all sorts of things for them. But it wasn't enough. So, that's why I decided to do the video."

Cristina: "That's sweet and all, but..."

Jackson: "Cristina... the story isn't finished yet."

Lincoln: "After a hard day of school, after posting it, I came home, and my sisters gave me a trophy that they made for me to put up in our family trophy case. At first, I was glad to finally have something, but after our second encounter, I... started to feel disgusted about how I got it in the first place."

Luan: "And before we knew it, we felt disgusted as well, because we played an indirect role."

Cristina: "Sheesh. What kind of sisters do that?"

[The girls glance at one another before saying...]

Sisters: "Us."

Connie: "That still doesn't excuse you from what you did, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "I know. I just want to express how sorry we are for what we've done to you. And knowing that apologies aren't enough... we got you this."

[Lincoln pulled out a necklace that had a beautiful pink stone and was covered by three rings. It amazed Cristina and Connie.]

Cristina: "It's beautiful."

Lincoln: "Just like you." [Cristina and Connie turn to him in confusion] "Cristina... I know that this sounds kinda corny, but you really are the most beautiful girl that I've ever had my eyes on. And I wanted to get you something that captured how beautiful you are."

Cristina: "I don't know what to say, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "You don't need to say anything. After seeing what I put you through... I wanted to start on the right foot. So, will you be my friend?"

Cristina didn't say anything at first, but then... she nodded.

Cristina: "Of course, Lincoln. But... it might take me time to... get used to this."

Jackson: "That's fair. Do you girls need a ride home?"

Connie: "No, we'll just go on foot." [She and Cristina leave] "Nice talking to ya, Linc."

And with that, it was finally over.

Well, at home at least.

At school, I repeated a heartfelt apology to Cristina regarding the video, explaining exactly why I did it in front of everyone else, and of course, she still respected that I did it out of love for my sisters, and after everything we endured, she easily forgave me in front of the school. We made up with a hug and became good friends, and while Cristina was flattered that I found her pretty, she didn't switch back to Missus Johnson's class, having somehow gotten used to her new surroundings, but that suited me just fine, as I showed maturity by moving on.

I'm sure we'll find our other halves, but for now, Cristina and I just want to be content with finally putting this overwhelming situation to a close.

Chapter Text

[Lincoln, while recording a vlog session with Jackson's camera, is looking around and sneaking about in the living room and leaps onto the sofa.]

Lincoln: [To the viewers] "Money. In the Loud House, there just isn't a lot of it to go around." [Searches between the cushions and gets wads of chewed gum on his fingers.] "Ew!" [Shakes it off and pulls out a pair of dirty underwear and tosses them.] "Grody! Which is why, when you happen to find some, even the smallest amount...you gotta keep it to yourself." [Finds a quarter coin] "Jackpot!" [Kisses it]

[Just then, his sisters happen to come across him and his quarter. He hides the quarter behind his back and grins nervously.]

Lola: "We heard money! A dime! No, a quarter!"

Lincoln: "That's impossible. Money doesn't make a sound."

Luan: "Haven't you ever heard the expression 'Money talks'?" [Laughs]

Jackson: [Walks in] "Shut up, Luan." [Luan frowns]

Luna: "And that quarter is saying 'Hand me over', bro!"

Lana: "It's MINE!"

Leni: "Guys, let's just split it 40/40!"

Lincoln: "No! None of you rascals are getting it! I found it in the couch cushions fair and square!"

Lynn: "Wait a second! If there was one quarter down there, then maybe there's more!"

[After a brief pause, the girls all pounce on Lincoln and fight over the quarter and the possibility of more under the sofa while Cliff screams and runs off from the fight, and Jackson struggles to stop them. Their parents watch the scene.]

Rita: [Shouting] "What are they fighting over this time? A nickel under the ottoman?"

Lynn Sr.: "Nope. A quarter down the sofa."

Rita: [Shouting] "We better stop them before they start biting!"

[Lola bites Lincoln]

Lincoln: "Ow! Lola!"

Lynn Sr: "Too late!" [Whistle calls. The kids stop fighting and freeze. A tire hits Lincoln on the head.] "ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, GET UPSTAIRS AND CLEAN THE ATTIC! That's punishment for fighting over money! Jackson, watch over them!"

Jackson: [Salutes] "On it!"

[The kids all groan and acquiesce.]

Luan: "That punishment makes no cents." [Laughs]

Jackson: "Shut up, Luan." [Luan growls]

Lynn Sr: "Upstairs, young lady!" [To Rita] "But that was a good one."

[Jackson and Rita groan]

[The attic]

Lynn Sr: "AND I WANT THAT WHOLE ATTIC SPARKLING! EVEN THE BACK CORNER!"

[The kids look on to see the horror that is the back corner.]

Lucy: "But the back corner was my secret dark place."

Lola: [Angrily] "It's Lincoln's fault we're up here. So, he can do it!"

Jackson: "No, I'm pretty sure it's your fault for piling onto him." [Lola growls]

Lynn Sr: "AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT LOOSE FLOORBOARD!"

Lincoln: [Annoyed] "What loose floorboard?" [Jackson steps on it and gets hit in the face by it, knocking him to the ground and giving him black eyes.] "Oh. Found it, Dad!"

Jackson: "Stupid loose floorboard." [Puts it back and notices an envelope.] "Hey, what's this?" [Opens it up and finds a letter. Then, he reads it.]

"Dear Future Residents of 1216 Franklin Avenue, my family always fought over money. So, I decided to leave my fortune for you in the hope that you will share it. For a clue on where the money is hidden, reflect upon what I said here.

Signed, Mrs. Sharon DeMonet, the original owner of 1216 Franklin Avenue."

Lincoln: [Gasps; to the rest of the siblings] "Hey, guys! Check it out! I found this letter from the original owner! She says she's hidden money in the house!"

Jackson: "How... nice."

Lori: [Disbelieving] "Yeah, right, boys. Quit stalling. You're not getting out of cleaning the attic."

Sisters (Sans Lori & Lily): "YEAH!!!"

Jackson: "Your loss then."

Lincoln: [Annoyed] "Fine! I'll just do it by myself, and when I do, it'll be all mine." [He walks away, but he steps on and gets hit by the same loose floorboard, giving him black eyes. As soon as he gets up, he notices that his sisters have disappeared.]

Lincoln: "Where'd everybody go?"

Jackson: "Wait. Were they faking their disbelief?"

[Lisa is using a metal detector in the hall. The boys climb down the ladder from the attic and notice her.]

Jackson: "Lisa? What are you doing?"

Lisa: "Uh... Just calibrating my dumb human detector." [Uses it on Lincoln] "Calibrated." [Awkwardly leaves]

Lynn: [Holding Lucy inside the laundry chute.] "Lucy. See anything?"

Lincoln: "Lynn! What are you doing?"

[Lincoln's question causes Lynn to drop Lucy down the chute and scream before landing with a thud.]

Lynn: [Nervously] "Who? Me? No no. Just putting laundry down the chute."

Lincoln: [Suspicious] "Laundry doesn't scream and go thud."

Lynn: [Threateningly] "No, but nosy brothers do."

Lincoln: [Backing away, scared] "Okay! Okay. I'll leave you to your business."

Lynn: [Opens the chute] "SORRY, LUCE!"

Lucy: "That's okay! I found a new secret dark place!" [Lynn gives off a deadpanned look]

[Lincoln goes downstairs and sees Lola pacing about.]

Lincoln: [Suspiciously] "Looking for something, Lola?"

Lola: "Uh... no. I'm just... practicing for the... uh..." [Grabs a chimney sweep] "...Little Miss Chimney Sweep Pageant." [Grins nervously]

[Lincoln shrugs his shoulders and leaves. Shortly afterwards, Lana pops out of the chimney covered in soot.]

Lana: "There's nothing up there."

Lola: [Angrily] "There's gotta be!" [Pushes Lana back up with the sweep.] "Now, keep... looking!" [Meanwhile, Lincoln heads to the room next to the basement.]

Luan: [Offscreen] "Hand me the flashlight."

[Jackson overhears it and walks down the basement. Luna and Luan are down in the basement checking the furnace. The former notices Jackson and panics.]

Luna: "Quick! Hide!" [Kicks Luan inside the furnace and closes the door.]

Luan: [Inside] "O-Okay."

[Luna stands by whistling as Jackson approaches.]

Jackson: "What are you up to, Loon?"

Luna: "Just... um..." [Busts out some repair tools] "...practicing my drums?" [She bangs on the furnace with the tools, making loud metallic noises. Jackson covers his ears and walks away. Luan bangs on the furnace door.]

Luan: [Opens the door, bruised and dazed from Luna's racket] "Can someone answer the ringing in my head?" [Groans and faints in the furnace.]

Luna: "Sorry, little sis."

[The camera cuts to outside the house. Lori and Leni are heard offscreen.]

Lori: "Ugh. Gross! What is that?"

Leni: "Get off my pumps!"

Lori: "I'm gonna pump your face if you don't move faster!"

Leni: "I'm gonna pump yours if you don't shut up!"

Lori: "You shut up first!"

[Lori and Leni are revealed to be crawling inside the house's crawl space.]

Leni: "Oh, never mind. Let's just get this over with."

Lori: [Annoyed, sticking her tongue out] "Ugh! Why didn't Missus DeMonet just tell us where the money is?"

Leni: "I don't know. Let's ask her." [Shines the flashlight on a skeleton.]

[They scream in horror.]

Lori: [Calmly notices] "Wait. That's just a leftover Halloween decoration."

[Enter Lincoln and Jackson]

Lincoln: [Angrily] "Hey! What are you two doing?"

Lori: "Uh... we're just dusting!"

[Lori dusts with Leni's arm while Leni dusts the skeleton.]

Leni: "Wait. I thought we were looking for the money."

Lori: "SHH!"

Lincoln: "I KNEW IT!" [Closes the crawlspace door.]

Jackson: [Opens it] "Well done. You just made him even angrier."

[In the living room, all the sisters are on the couch, while Lincoln stands on a coffee table using it as a stage, and both he and Jackson talk to them in fury.]

Jackson: "Okay, admit it, you're all looking for the money, aren't you?"

[The sisters don’t even try to deny it anymore]

Leni: "Obviously!

Lynn: "Uh, duh!"

Luna: "Heck, yes, we are!"

Luan: "Where'd you find your first clue, Sherlock?"

Jackson: "Our first clue was that all 10 of you are awful at lying. Looking right at you, Leni." [The girls all glare at Leni, who just sheepishly smiles]

Lincoln: "You guys didn't even believe the money existed!"

Lori: "Up until we saw you drop the letter from Missus DeMonet."

Jackson: "I thought you faked your disbelief."

Lori: "You expect us to do that in front of you two?"

Lincoln: "Well, either way, I'm the one who should get it!"

Lori: [Annoyed] "Forget that! I'm finding it for myself!"

Leni: "Not if I find it first!"

Luna: [Sarcastic] "Yeah, dream on!"

Lana: "IT'S MINE!"

[They all start fighting again and pull Lincoln into the fray, while Jackson tries to pull him out. Enter Lynn Senior, who whistle-calls to get them to stop once more.]

Lynn Sr: "Obviously, you haven't learned your lesson." [Points to the attic] "Back to the attic!" [To Jackson] "And you! I thought you were watching them."

Jackson: "I was."

Lynn Sr: "Well, you'll have to keep a closer eye on them. Otherwise, I'm gonna have you clean up the attic on my watch."

[Cut to the kids, who resume cleaning the attic, and the boys secretly take another look at the letter.]

Lincoln: "The answer must be in here somewhere, Jax. I know it. 'Reflect upon what I said here'. What could that mean?" [Looks in the mirror to find another piece of paper in the rafter and facepalms for not realizing sooner.] "Reflect! Duh!" [Jackson giggles as they casually walk over] "I'm just going to be over here... cleaning the, uh... the dirty thing."

Jackson: "The bracing." [The duo gets on a stack of boxes and grabs the paper.]

Lucy: [Pops up] "What's that?!"

Lincoln & Jackson: [Startled] "Ah! Nothing!"

Lynn: [Suspiciously grabs Lincoln's arm.] "Lincoln found another letter!"

[Lincoln slaps them away and jumps up to the rafters, and his sisters are ready to clobber him if he doesn't read it.]

Sisters: [Overlapping one another] "READ IT!"

Lincoln: "Okay, okay! Calm down!" [opens it and reads]

"Well done. You've found the next clue. But beware. If you fight like my family did, you'll never get to the bottom of the matter."

Jackson: "Ooh. We have to team up."

Lincoln: "You guys, maybe we should listen to her and stop fighting."

Lori: [Suspiciously backing away] "Yeah. Lincoln's right. As soon as we're done cleaning here, we should totally work together to find the money." [Leaves]

Lola: "Hey! Lori's going after the money!"

[The girls all follow suit.]

Jackson: [Annoyed] "Lori!" [Follows them]

Lincoln: "Wait!" [Goes after them but steps on and gets whacked by the loose floorboard yet again, once getting him black eyes again. He gets up and climbs halfway down the ladder. He sees the mayhem that his sisters are causing to one another, with random objects thrown across the hallway.]

Lincoln: "Guys, the letter! Remember what Sharon DeMonet said!"

Lola: [Threateningly] "Forget what Sharon DeMonet said! It's every man for himself!"

[The shouting continues. Lincoln looks at Jackson briefly, before jumping off the ladder and deciding to join the battle, much to Jackson's dismay.]

Lincoln: [Warcry] "Yaaaah!"

[Cliff is being thrown across the room, prompting Jackson to catch him. Lana is waving a dollar in front of Charles.]

Lana: "Smell the money, boy!" [Charles sniffs it] "Now, go find more!" [Charles eats her dollar, making Lana angry.] "HEY, SPIT IT OUT, CHARLES!! So help me, I will get that dollar back EVEN IF I HAVE TO WAIT FOR IT TO COME OUT THE OTHER END!!" [Chases after the family dog]

Lucy: [Performing a seance] "I summon you from the great beyond... Missus Sharon DeMonet! Tell me where your fortune is. Speak to me, oh, spirit."

Jackson: [Enters] "I don't think she's gonna listen. And who knows? She might actually be alive."

Lucy: "I've heard that living people can have ghosts too." [Losing patience] "Come on, lady! Just tell me where the dough is!" [Jackson chuckles dryly]

Lincoln: "What did Sharon say?"

[Cut to Lynn, who is seen controlling a Tennis ball dispenser]

Lynn: "SHARON SAID TO GET OUT OF OUR ROOM, BOYS!!!"

[She fires Tennis balls at the boys. However, they duck, causing Lucy to take the blow. They dive to escape their room. In their room, Luna and Luan are dumping everything from their containers, looking for money.]

Luan: "Hey, look!" [Pulls out a half-eaten sandwich from her wastebasket.] "I found the bread!" [Laughs and dumps each segment of the sandwich after looking at it.] "And the cheddar, and the lettuce, and the clams? [Drops the sandwich] Ew! No wonder someone threw this out."

Lincoln: "Hey, what-"

[Luna busts out one of her amps and her guitar.]

Luna: "STAY OUT! THIS IS OUR TURF!" [Blasts Lincoln with a killer wail, bashing himself into a wall and knocking him out cold. He gets up holding a finger in his ear and hears Lana.]

Lana: [Still chasing Charles into her room.] "HEY! GET BACK HERE!! THAT'S MY DOLLAR!!"

Lincoln: "Have you found it?"

[A honking sound is heard. Lola enters her room in her princess car and rams Lincoln to the side. He gets up, escapes the twins' room, and closes the door behind him. Lola blocks the door with her car and angrily clenches her fist.]

Lola: "OH, NO, YOU DON'T! SEARCH YOUR OWN ROOM!"

Lincoln: "Duh. Why didn't we think of that?" [In their bedroom, the boys go to the bookshelf and dump every book off of it. Lincoln leaps to the other side searching for every nook and cranny in his room to no avail.] "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Jackson: "We gotta hurry before the girls-"

[Lincoln's sisters angrily burst in, ready to search the room.]

Lincoln: [Fending them off like a lion tamer.] "BACK! BACK, YOU ANIMALS!"

Leni: [Offscreen] "I FOUND IT!"

Sisters: [They, along with Lincoln and Jackson, head for Lori and Leni's room.] "YOU FOUND THE MONEY?!"

Leni: "No! My missing floral pump!"

Siblings: [Annoyed] "Aww!"

Jackson: "I was wondering where that went."

Luan: "Probably would've found it easily if you two didn't break up."

Jackson: "Who said you could speak?"

Lola: "The money's not up here! Maybe, it's downstairs!"

[They all rush downstairs and search the kitchen with no luck.]

Lola: "The dining room!"

[They search there and still can't find it.]

Luna: "The living room!"

[Once again, no sign of the money.]

Luan: "Lily's room! Back upstairs!"

[Upon arriving there, they notice Lily is taking her nap.]

Jackson: "One sec." [Leaves]

[To avoid waking her up, Jackson heads back to his room to grab Lincoln's noise cancelers and places them in her ears to mute out the ruckus caused by their search. Everybody walks out of Lily's room, battered and bruised.]

Lori: "We've literally searched the whole house, and nothing!"

Leni: "Hello? My floral pump is not nothing."

Luna: "Maybe, we missed something in the letter!"

[The girls all glare at the boys, who know where this is going.]

Jackson: "Oh, jeez."

[They all start fighting over the letter and tear it apart. They all blame Lincoln and Jackson for ripping the letter.]

Lola: "Look what you two DID!"

Jackson: "Look what we did?!"

Lana: "You're the ones who ripped it!"

Jackson: "You ripped it, you morons!"

Luna: "Dude, how are we gonna find the money now?"

Lincoln: [Gets up] "We're not."

Lana: "Why?"

Luan: "What are you talking about?"

Lincoln: "'Cause all we did was fight over it. And this is exactly what Sharon DeMonet warned us about." [His sisters look at the pieces of the letter they just ripped off and start to feel regretful for what they did. The boys stand up.] "How about this? From now on, any time we find money, whether it's a hidden fortune or even this quarter..." [Takes out the quarter] "...we all share it equally."

[Everyone sighs and clamours in agreement.]

Lisa: "Okay."

Luan: "Sure."

Lori: "Sounds good."

Luna: "Yeah, I kinda like that."

Lana: "I'll even share the dollar I got back from Charles." [Shows them the dollar now covered in Charles' feces.]

Jackson: [Thoroughly disgusted] "Let's not..."

[The others clamour in disgust and agreement. Lily comes crawling out from her nap towards Lori.]

Lori: [Picks Lily up] "Aw... we're sorry, Lily. Did your noisy sisters and brother wake you?" [Makes cute faces at Lily.]

Jackson: "You should be glad that your housemate isn't-" [Notices something] "Wait a minute."

[A piece of paper is attached to Lily's bottom.]

Lynn: "Hey. What's that stuck on Lily's bottom?"

[Lincoln takes it and unfolds it.]

Lincoln: "It's... a map!"

"Hello, reader. If you're reading this, it means you came together and got to the 'bottom' of the matter! Congratulations! You're almost there!"

[The Loud kids cheer over this discovery.]

Jackson: [Suspicious] "Wait. How could she have known the map would be on Lily's bottom?"

[The others think about that for a brief moment.]

Lola: [Breaking the silence] "AGH! Who cares?! We're already on the final stretch! Let's find the money!"

[They shout over each other again as they all head down the stairs.]

[The scene changes to outside in the backyard. The kids come across a big X.]

Lincoln: "X marks the spot."

Lisa: [Excited] "Ooh! I love solving for X!"

[Lincoln grabs a sandbox shovel and starts digging the X.]

Sisters: [Chanting] "DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!"

Lucy: [Walking in with a shovel from the other side] "I've got some experience digging holes." [Joins Lincoln in digging]

Sisters: "DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!"

Luan: [To Jackson] "Digging is fun for the hole family!" [Laughs] "Get it?" [Jackson rolls his eyes as he grabs a spare shovel and joins the digging process]

Sisters: "DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!"

Lana: [Cutting in the middle.] "Okay, everyone. Stand back. Luna? A little digging music?"

Luna: "You got it, sis!" [Starts strumming her acoustic guitar.]

[Lana digs like Charles and finds the briefcase. Her sisters gasp in amazement. Lincoln takes it but notices a padlock at the front of the case.]

Lincoln: "It's locked!"

Jackson: "How do we unlock it?"

Lori: "Missus DeMonet didn't mention anything about a key."

Leni: "I got this." [She takes the briefcase, pulls out her hairpin, and picks the lock open with it. Her sisters gasp in amazement, causing her to become annoyed.] "What? There's more to my head than just air, you know."

Jackson: "At least, you admit it."

[Lincoln takes the briefcase from her. He opens it, and the family gasps to discover that the money is real. Lola takes the money out and checks the total.]

Lola: "Five... hundred... DOLLARS!!!"

[The kids gasp again while Lincoln drops the briefcase.]

Jackson: "Well, it's your house. I'll just leave you guys to it."

Lincoln: "So, if we share it equally, that means we each get, uh..."

Lisa: "45.4545455 dollars each."

[The kids all cheer over their achievement. Luna cheers, and Lucy is throwing confetti around like a flower girl at a wedding.]

Luna: "YEAH! WOO-HOO!"

Lucy: "Yay. Yay. Yay."

Lola: [Spreading some of the money out.] "ONE! TWO! THREE!"

[Lincoln plays the bongos on his cheeks. Lori and Leni jump for joy and start doing the tango together. Lana is twirling a lasso, Luan is hugging a tree, and Luna is literally tumbling around. All the while, Jackson walks back inside to see the parents watching on at their children's happiness.]

Rita: "It was really nice of you to give up your work bonus. Are you ever gonna tell them that you came up with Sharon DeMonet?"

Lynn Sr: "Nah. I'd rather let them have their fun."

Jackson: "And I'm glad that I planted that quarter in the couch to get the whole shenanigan started."

Rita: "I have to admit. It's nice to see them sharing money and not fighting over it."

Lynn Sr: "Yep. All part of Sharon's plan." [Jackson clears his throat] "And Jackson's."

Rita: "Was destroying the house part of the plan?"

[The camera cuts to the overview of the destruction in several rooms from the kids' previous fights.]

Lynn Sr: "No. No, it was not."

Rita: "Well, now, Sharon can..." [Angrily] "Sharon DeCleanUp!" [Hands him a broom]

[Lynn Senior gulps]

[Lynn Senior is now cleaning up the attic while Jackson is recording.]

Lynn Sr: [To the recording] "Money. There just isn't a lot of it in the Loud House. But when there is, it's good to know that from now on, the kids will share it." [Spots a dime] "Ooh! A dime!" [Picks it up] "I'll just, uh... keep this one to myself." [Puts it in his pocket but steps right onto the loose floorboard that he warned Lincoln about and gets smacked by it. The screen turns black after the floorboard hits Lynn Senior's face.]

Jackson: "Nice going, genius."

[A groan from Lynn Senior is heard, and then, the episode ends.]

Chapter Text

So, Lincoln had his hands full one day when all 10 of his sisters asked him, along with me, to cover for them on the same day.

Then, before we knew it, the girls got involved.

[Cut to a nine-square shot of all the girls at their outings: Lori and Lily are at Bobby's picnic; Leni's at the mall; Luna's jamming in the garage; Luan's performing at a birthday party as a clown; Lynn's at the batting cages hitting sluggers; Lucy's at her poetry reading reciting a new poem; Lana's at a mud puddle; Lola's at a beauty pageant; and Lisa's giving her lecture. They all get Lincoln's text and hurry home.]

Lincoln: [Imitating Luna, complete with costume and guitar; singing.] "♫How I wonder what you are!♫" [Speaking] "Stage dive!" [Dives off the chair and thuds.]

Albert: "Bravo! Tough act to follow. But I'd love to see some comedy from Luan."

[Lincoln gets up and gives a thumbs up to that, now switching over to a Luan costume.]

Lincoln: [Imitating Luan] "What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business!" [Laughs] "Get it?"

Albert: [Laughs] "I get it! Hilarious! Now, go get those twins!"

[Lincoln wonders how he's gonna pull that off. He is shown dressed as Lola.]

Lincoln: [In Lola's voice] "I wanna talk to Pop-Pop first!" [Quickly switches over to Lana and in her voice.] "No, me first!"

[It is revealed that he's actually dressed up as both twins, with Lana on his right side and Lola on his left, and talked on the respective sides.]

Albert: "Girls, girls, there's plenty of Pop-Pop for everyone."

[Lana and Luna return quietly and notice Lincoln and Jackson's predicament and laugh.]

Lincoln: "You can make fun of us later. Right now, I've got Pop-Pop on video chat, and he wants to see all of us."

Lana: "I'll go say 'Hi' right now."

Lincoln: "Hello! I already was you." [To Luna] "And I was you too."

Luna & Lana: [Realizing] "Oh."

Jackson: [Facepalms] "You guys are idiots."

Luna: "You're no picnic either!"

Lincoln: "Argue later! I need a Lynn and a Leni, stat!"

[They head upstairs to change, and Lana is now dressed as Leni with her gap filled with marshmallows.]

Lana: [Imitating Leni] "And I got a new outfit for half off, which was weird because none of it was missing. Duh!"

Jackson: [Observing from upstairs] "My ex doesn't talk like that."

Luna: [From the boys' room] "Are you sure?"

[The real Lynn and Leni have returned, and Lincoln is rummaging through his trunk.]

Lincoln: "Pop-Pop wants to talk to Lisa."

Lynn: "Lisa's not home yet."

Lincoln: [Gives her a Lisa costume.] "She is now! Go!"

[Lynn is now in the Lisa costume and talking to Albert.]

Lynn: [Imitating Lisa] "But I knew I was missing one key component and that was sodium..." [Starts losing it] "...uh... sofa-cushion!"

Jackson: "You said what now, sporty?!" [Leni giggles]

[The others have returned home and are now rummaging through the trunk for costumes and starting to put them on. Lucy puts on a Lola wig and tiara. Lola puts on a spiked cleat like Luna's.]

Albert: "Have I seen Lori yet?"

[Luna puts on war paint and a Lynn wig. Lincoln puts two marshmallows in Lana's gap.]

Albert: "Bring me the, uh, the funny one again."

[One of them ties a gag flower on a Luan costume they're putting on. Lucy scribbles her front teeth with a marker to make them look like she's missing them. Leni splatters mud on her face. Pop-Pop is dozing off and quickly wakes up.]

Albert: "Uh, I forgot to tell Lily something."

[Lori dots her cheeks with makeup to look like she has freckles. One of them puts on bat wings for dressing like Lucy. Lincoln slips a diaper on.]

Albert: "No, it was Leni. Or was it Lisa?"

[The kids continue to rummage through the trunk. Just then, Lisa comes out of Lincoln's room wearing a Lucy wig and Lana's clothes.]

Lincoln: [Discombobulated] "Who are you supposed to be?"

Lisa: [Notices her wardrobe malfunction] "Uh... Lan...cy?" [The boys give off a dissatisfied look]

Jackson: "For someone so smart, this is unusually indecisive of you."

Chapter Text

What was Lincoln even thinking? I mean, I get that he's being the punching bag of his school, but I don't think it gives him the right to punch back. Not to mention, it all began with Ronnie Anne, the girl who used to "bully" him. And now, he's suddenly slandering her? I don't know what made Lincoln act this way, but I'm not leaving his side until I get answers.

[Lincoln and Jackson are heading back to the Loud House, but Jackson is not satisfied after hearing about what Lincoln said in the cafeteria.]

Lincoln: Look, I know I shouldn't have said those things.

Jackson: So, what made you?

Lincoln: It's just... one of those... things you do when... you're venting.

Jackson: Venting? From what Ronnie Anne told me after school, it looked more like you were insulting on purpose.

Lincoln: It's... not easy to tell the difference.

Jackson: Whatever. Starting today, I'm not leaving your side until I get straight answers about what happened earlier. [This worries Lincoln as he's too afraid to explain]

[Lincoln and Jackson return to the Loud House after school, whistling.]

Lori: [Offscreen] YOU MONSTER!!! [Throws a tissue box at Lincoln]

Lincoln: Ow! What was that for?!

Jackson: [Surprised] Are you okay, Lori?

[It is then shown that the distraught and furious Lori has made a mess, and is quite a mess herself, with food such as ice cream and popcorn on the table and rivers of mascara down her face.]

Lori: NO! I'M NOT OKAY! [To Lincoln] You... made Ronnie Anne CRY!

Lincoln: Cry?! I didn't mean to! [Confused] Wait, how do you know?

[Lori tries to aim a teddy bear at Lincoln, but he jumps out of the way before it hits him; instead, it knocks Jackson into the hatrack.]

Lori: Bobby told me... [Her lip quivers and she starts to cry] ...RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH MEEEEEE!! [Wailing]

Jackson: And that makes two of us.

Lincoln: What? Why does Bobby care? [Lori throws a couch cushion at Lincoln, prompting him to duck; she opens a photo album showing a picture of herself, Bobby, and a grumpy Ronnie Anne together.]

Lori: Because... Bobby... is literally... Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone... who hurts someone he's related to! Or something like that! I don't know anymore! I'm too distraught to remember!

Jackson: [Surprised] Wait. Bobby's last name is "Santiago"? I thought he said his last name was "Casagrande".

Lori: It's his mother's maiden name! He just doesn't use... his official last name often... because his father... is hardly ever around... in his household!

Lincoln: Ronnie Anne has a brother? I thought she was raised by trolls. [This annoys Jackson and Lori]

[Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid-fire fashion; Lincoln shields himself with the cushion.]

Lori: [Offscreen] D'AAAAHH!! THAT... IS EXACTLY... WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT! [Stomps towards Lincoln]

Jackson: [Approaches her] Hey, Lori, I think we should-

Lori: OUT OF MY WAY! [Punches him to the side and onto the living room chair]

[Lori chases after a screaming Lincoln, who hides behind the chair]

Lincoln: JACKSON, SAVE ME! [He trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt.]

Lori: You... have to make things right... with Ronnie Anne!

Lincoln: Okay! Okay! I'll call her right now and apologize! [Picks up the phone] I'll even tell her and Bobby about why I said those things at school.

Lori: [Snatches the phone] NO! [Hangs up the phone] Nuh-uh! I've got a better idea! You know the old saying! "Actions speak louder than words"! We're doing this in person.

Lincoln: Do I have to do it in person? And what do you mean by "we"?

Jackson: Uh... I think she wants me to get involved. Which is easy for me, because I swore to never leave your side until I get straight answers.

Lori: And I'm not exactly getting over Bobby. I can't think of a better boyfriend than him. [This annoys Jackson] Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!

Lincoln & Jackson: [Dumbfounded] WHAT?!

Lori: It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at 6:00! AND YOU! WILL MAKE HER! FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!!! [To Jackson] And as for YOU! Since you're not leaving Lincoln's side anytime soon, you're going to be our chaperone. And you will make sure... that Lincoln does the job... PROPERLY!!!

Lincoln: [Gags] I'd rather lick the bathroom-- [Lori picks up the end table, snarling, and threatens to crush him with it] On second thought, I'll go iron my khakis! [Runs out of the scene, making Lori set the table down]

Lori: [To Jackson] Well?! What are you waiting for?! Get into some fancy clothing! NOW!!! [This scares Jackson into heading up the stairs to do so] NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!!!

[Jackson unknowingly goes the wrong way... and bumps into Leni.]

Jackson: S-Sorry, Len.

Leni: Sheesh, Jax. Where's the fire? [They both get up]

Jackson: [Realizes something] Leni, you remember Bobby, right?

Leni: Bobby Casagrande? Of course, I remember him. Lori introduced me to him after... Well, you know. After we broke up? She wanted to cheer me up. So, she introduced me to Bobby.

Jackson: His last name isn't "Casagrande". It's actually "Santiago".

Leni: Santiago? [Realizes] Like Ronnie Anne Santiago? From Lincoln's school?

Jackson: [Nods] They're siblings.

Leni: Then, why did Bobby...?

Jackson: His dad isn't around that often. [This surprises Leni] As for Ronnie Anne, I don't know why she doesn't like to talk about her brother.

Leni: Oh, my. [Confused] Wait. Where are you going with this? 

Jackson: Lincoln insulted Ronnie Anne earlier today, and she relayed the news to me, before relaying the same news to her brother, which led to an understandably ticked-off Bobby breaking up with Lori, because she's got a kid brother who dared to hurt his kid sister's feelings, and now, Lori's forcing Lincoln to apologize to Ronnie Anne to bury the hatchet, and I have to go as the chaperone! [Sighs and looks away from Leni] Maybe, I picked the wrong house to live in.

Leni: Don't say that.

Jackson: Or maybe, this is just life being cruel to me, because I haven't exactly been on good terms with my parents, and it only worsened when I dropped out of high school. Is it because I'm not nice to people?

Leni: [Turns him back around] No, you are nice to others, Jax. You're the nicest person I know.

[This causes the two teenagers to blush at each other... before...]

Leni: [Realizes what she said] Y-You know what I mean! [Turns him away] Just do what you have to do! [Shoves him towards Lincoln's room]

Chapter Text

[The episode begins with Lincoln looking out his window.]

Lincoln: "Is that it?"

[Blue car passes by.]

Lincoln: "No. Regular car." [Smiles upon spotting something] "Oh, there it is!"

[Old man on a scooter passes by.]

Lincoln: "No. Old man." [Smiles again] "There it is!"

[Old man returns to pick up the newspaper and leaves.]

Lincoln: "No. Same guy again."

Jackson: [On his computer] "Wanna talk about it?" [Taps his camera]

Lincoln: "Uh, sure." [To the recording] "This may be the coolest day of my life! You're looking at the grand prize winner of the Seed's Mustard "Win a Limo for a Day" contest."

[The whole room is covered in mustard smears and jars.]

Lincoln: "I had to eat my weight in mustard. But I finally found the winning jar."

[Something blares a fancy horn, and a limo pulls up in front of the Loud House, and Lincoln rushes out of his room excited.]

Lincoln: "Here it is! Here it is! HERE IT IS!"

[He and his sisters rush out of the house, with Jackson in tow with his camera, and the chauffeur opens up the door.]

Kirby: "Good morning, sir. I'm Kirby, your personal Chauffeur for the day."

[Lincoln hops in, and his sisters rush Kirby and join the fun. Jackson arrives and kindly pulls Kirby back up. Inside, they enjoy the accommodations the limo has to offer. Luna presses a button and releases a disco ball. Lola cannonballs into a fountain.]

Luan: [Lowers the partition window and sees Lily.] "Peek-a-boo!" [Raises it and lowers it again.] "Peek-a-boo!"

Lana: [Opens up a cabinet full of mustard jars.] "Whoa, this limo has a fancy mustard collection!" [Engulfs an entire jar's contents.]

Lynn: [With a baseball mitt] "Let's go pick up my team!"

Leni: "Let's go to the mall!"

Lucy: "I know a funeral procession we can ride in."

Lori: "Guys, guys, I know you're all excited about Lincoln's limo. But let's let him enjoy it for a while first, then he'll come back and take us for a ride. Right, Linky?"

Lincoln: "Sure! How about I pick you all up at 5:00 and we can all go down to the Burpin' Burger?"

Girls: "YAY!"

[They all start singing the Burpin' Burger jingle.]

Lincoln: "♫Hungry, y'all? Look no further!♫"

Loud Kids: "♫Come on down to Burpin' Burger / Grade B Beef and special spice / When it comes back up it's twice as nice!♫"

[The siblings burp in unison, and the girls rush out while Kirby shields himself with the passenger door. He bids them good day, gets in the limo, and drives off.]

Lincoln: "Wait a second!" [It drives back, and Lincoln gives Lily to Leni.] "You forgot to grab her." [The limo then drives off.]

Jackson: "'Linky'?" [The girls turn to him] "That's your nickname for him?"

Lori: "Only Leni, Lola, and I call him that."

Lynn: "Actually, it's a much better nickname than you calling me 'Baby Lynn'."

Lana: "Haha! 'Baby Lynn'! 'Cause you're Lynn Junior."

Luna: "No, it's because she calls him 'Big Jax'. And I can see why she calls you that. You're like a big brother to us."

Jackson: "I'm only a month older than Lori. And despite what you think, I'm... not exactly the big brother type. You'd be surprised at who I consider to be a big brother figure."

Lori: [Smugly] "Can't wait to meet this person... Jax." [Giggles]

Leni: "Hey, don't sound so patronizing. I coined that nickname."

Chapter Text

Lincoln: [Marks April 1st on his calendar; to Jackson's recording.] "Tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Every year, my fourth sister, Luan, creates a prank apocalypse, and no one is spared! I present to you Luan Loud's April Fools' Highlight Reel."

[He begins showing a montage of Luan's April Fools' Day pranks on the Loud Family. First, the siblings are looking at their furniture, which is tacked upside down to the ceiling.]

Luan: "I'd say this prank's a little over your head!" [Laughs]

[Now, they open the door to find the room full of chickens]

Luan: "Seems to be your clucky day!" [Laughs]

[Now, the kids are looking at their house all wrapped up in wrapping paper.]

Luan: [Rips through a window] "I guess that's a wrap!" [Laughs]

[Now, the siblings are trapped in a humongous gelatin.]

Luan: "Aww, look at the Loud Family gettin' jiggly with it!" [Laughs]

[The pets' fur and Walt's feathers got shaved off.]

Luan: [holding a buzz shaver] "I shaved the best for last!" [Laughs]

[The video ends]

Jackson: "Gosh, we have to put up with her awful puns and that stupid laugh of hers."

Lincoln: "See what I mean? Nobody's safe from that evil pranking genius. But this year's gonna be different. Luan is not gonna prank me, because I've got an April Fool-proof plan." [Towards his door] "You're not the only one who can make a pun, Luan!" [He then opens his door to reveal Lily wearing a watermelon helmet and diaper, Lynn putting on padding, Lola coating herself and Lana in bubble wrap.]

Lana: "Bubble-wrap me next!"

Lucy: [Enters with her head inside a gargoyle head.] "I need more armor."

Lynn: [As Lisa enters in army gear] "Where's my helmet!?"

Lori: [Talking on her smartphone] "Bobby, we have to cancel all our plans in April." [Bobby asks why] "Because Luan might shave my eyebrows off again! And it takes a month for them to grow back."

Luna: [Following Lisa] "C'mon, Lisa! Let me hunker in your bunker!"

Lisa: "You should've been more prepared. We'd known this storm was coming for 364 days."

Luna: [Dropping to her knees and begging] "PLEASE! GIVE ME SHELTER!"

[Lincoln and Jackson walk by whistling when Lola dashes out in front of them.]

Lola: "Arms up, boys! Your turn for bubble wrap."

Lincoln: [Puts his hand in front of Lola.] "Not this year, Lola. I'm not getting pranked."

[Loud girls chatter]

Lola: "It's never been done!"

Lynn: "Are you crazy?"

Jackson: "Ladies! Ladies! Linc and I got a plan!"

Lincoln: "We're simply gonna lock ourselves in our room till the day's over. We've got snacks, video games, and a hose to pee in, which I call the Tinkle Tube. Patent pending."

Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, & Lily: "Ew!"

Lana: "Cool!"

Lisa: "Fascinating." [Jackson facepalms]

Lincoln: [Points to his window] "It goes out the window! The point is, we'll never have to leave our room. So, Luan will never get us."

[The siblings look frightened as Luan comes upstairs while holding a sausage.]

Luan: "Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve... and I'm just bubbling with excitement." [Pops a piece of Lola's bubble wrap and walks away with a devious smile.] "And I've got my eyes on you, Jackson."

Lola: "I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies."

Lincoln: "Thanks for the lumber, Lana! I'll return it on April 2nd." [Walks away with lumber.]

Lana: "Mahogany was a good choice. That'll hold nicely."

[Lincoln closes his door, Jackson uses a drill to seal the nails and mahogany on it, and they both put a chair by the doorknob.]

Lincoln: [Takes out his radio] "Clyde, wanna hang out tomorrow? I built us a fortress with snacks, games, and a Tinkle Tube. Patent pending."

Clyde: "On Pranksgiving? No way! Not after what happened last year."

[Flashback to what happened during the past April Fool's Day, where Clyde steps on a rope as one of Luan's prank traps. Water sprays on his face, and he is covered in hay. Luan's laughing can be heard. Then, a flock of crows comes to attack him as he screams. End flashback as Clyde looks a little scared.]

Lincoln: "But nothing's gonna happen this year. I've got an April Fool-proof plan." [Ringtone sounds] "Hang on, Clyde. Ronnie Anne just texted me." [Checks his phone] "She said she's coming over tomorrow with a present for me." [Gasps] "She can't come over tomorrow! She'll get nailed by Luan's pranks and then pulverize me!"

[Another ringtone sounds, and Jackson checks his phone.]

Jackson: "Oh, it's from Lori. She says that one of her friends, Whitney, is coming over to... chat with me?"

Lincoln: "Ah, great. That makes two girls."

Clyde: "Just tell them to come over another day."

Lincoln: "We can't do that! That will definitely get us pulverized by both of them!"

Clyde: "You gotta get Luan to call off Prankapalooza. Appeal to her humanity. Beg if you have to!"

Lincoln: "Good idea! Just as soon as I get the mahogany off the door!"

[Lincoln tries pulling it off but fails. So, Jackson undoes everything, and Lincoln goes into Luna and Luan's room. He arrives, and Luan turns around in a jester chair to face Lincoln while she has Cliff on her lap.]

Luan: "Hello, Lincoln. To what do Cliffy and I owe this visit?"

Lincoln: "Luan! You gotta call off Prankageddon! Please! Ronnie Anne and Whitney are coming over tomorrow, and Jax and I can't let her get pranked!"

Luan: "Okay."

Lincoln: "Really? Wow, that was easier than I-"

Luan: "APRIL FOOLS PRACTICE! Lincoln, you know the April Fools' Rules. Anyone who sets foot on our property is fair game. Speaking of which, is Clyde coming over? 'Cause I'd love to just say 'HAY!!! DID YA MISS ME, CLYDE?'!" [Laughs insanely, much to Cliff's discomfort]

[Lincoln storms back to his room, puts the mahogany back on his door, and calls Clyde.]

Lincoln: "Clyde! Pleading with Luan did not work! She's an animal!" [Hears a cat noise] "What was that?"

Clyde: "Oh, that's one of my cats, Cleopawtra. She's been feisty lately. So, we put her in a timeout crate."

Lincoln: "Timeout crate. That's it!" [Runs away to brainstorm his idea and tries to pull the mahogany off the door.] "Why did I choose mahogany?"

Jackson: "Lana chose it."

[In the basement, Lincoln flicks the lamp on.]

Lincoln: [To his sisters who are not Luan] "Okay, we're all here?" [The girls nod] "Good! So, about Luan..."

Lola: "Shh! She's got ears everywhere!" [Jackson turns on the washing machine]

Jackson: "Lola and I saw this in a mob movie once. She won't hear us over the noise."

Lincoln: "We all know tomorrow is going to be awful. But it doesn't have to be. If we combine forces, we can prevent Luan from setting up any pranks in the first place."

Lynn: "Uhhh, how exactly are we gonna do that?"

Lincoln: "Let me tell you my plan."

Lisa: "Better make it snappy. We're almost done with the spin cycle."

Jackson: "Oh, trust us. This plan will be fairly simple."

[Later that night, in Luna and Luan's room, Luan is snoring. Luna then gets up and gives a bird-like call to signal that Luan is asleep. Everyone then enters the room. Luna taps her roommate's forehead.]

Luan: [Annoyed] "Mmm. Luna, let me sleep."

Luna: "Not yet, baby sis."

[Luan then opens her eyes as her siblings knock her out, tie her down, trap her in a cage, and keep her fingers together with Chinese finger traps.]

Luan: [Slowly wakes up] "Ugh... What happened?"

Jackson: "Oh, we're just taking measures in making sure you don't prank us." [Luan then notices the finger traps] "I would've opted to use the handcuffs that I bring along during my nightly vigilante runs, but I chose something more humane." [Leaves the room as Luan turns to her roomate]

Luan: [Enraged] "Sissy! Don't just stand there! LET... ME..." [Starts screaming her words] "...OUT OF HERE!"

Lincoln: "Okay."

Luan: [Surprised] "Really? Wow! That was easier than I..."

Lincoln: "APRIL FOOLS! We aren't letting you out until April 2nd! Victory is our, y'all!" [The other sisters begin to cheer.]

Lynn: "That was a crate plan, Lincoln!" [The siblings laugh.]

Lori: "I've been crating for this moment all my life!" [The siblings laugh again.]

Lana: "Well, better crate than never!" [The siblings laugh again as Luan bangs her on the crate.]

Leni: "You're in a crate!" [The other siblings don't seem to get it.] "Get it?"

Lincoln: "Maybe, we should just go to bed."

Jackson: [From outside] "Your puns suck anyway!"

Siblings: [Annoyed] "No one asked you, Jax!"

Luan: [Smugly] "At least, we have something to agree on."

Lincoln: "We're not talking to you."

[The next day, Luna is heard screaming. The other kids arrive to see what's going on.]

Jackson: "Why are you screaming, Luna?" [They all gasp at why.]

[The cage is now broken, meaning that Luan just escaped, much to the horror of everyone.]

Lola: [Panicked] "We're doomed! Luan escaped, and now, she's gonna be mad!"

Lincoln: "How could this have happened?! This crate is way too strong to be broken."

Luna: "She's a black magic woman, dude! How do you think she broke out?"

Lori: [Spots a note on the floor and grabs it] "Uh, does anyone know Morse Code?"

Jackson: [Takes the note and reads it] "It says 'I hate you, Jackson'." [Tosses it away] "Yep. She has it out for me."

Leni: "Then, you shouldn't be here! It's not safe for you!"

Lincoln: [Holds up a loose chain] "I gotta get my money back for these."

[As Lincoln pulls the chain, it sets up a bucket full of honey that spills on him, followed by a blast of feathers while the sisters and Jackson gasp in surprise.]

Lisa: "Peace out. I'll be in my bunker." [Dashes off]

Lincoln: "Everyone else to my room! We'll be safe there."

[As the siblings run towards Lincoln's room, their parents run up the stairs. Rita is wearing a padded gear while Lynn Senior is wearing bubble wrap.]

Lynn Sr: "What's all this ruckus about?"

Lori: "Luan's on the loose! TAKE COVER!"

Rita: "But we thought you locked her up!"

Jackson: "We did, but she somehow broke out of her unbreakable cage." [The attic door opens, revealing...] "Found her."

Luan: "Congrats, Jax." [Holds up a watermelon with a fuse on it] "Here. Have this watermelon as a reward." [Rolls it like a bowling ball at Jackson, who runs away just as it explodes]

Jackson: [Groaning] "Man, that hurt." [Notices something about the shrapnel] "This isn't a watermelon. It's an actual bomb painted to look like one."

Luan: [Sarcastically applauding] "Bravo, Sherlock. But beware. That was just the appetizer. I hope you're hungry enough for the main course before I dessert you!" [Laugh evilly as she closes the attic]

Jackson: "Yep. She hates me now."

Rita: [Removes her mask] "Did you offend her in some way?"

Jackson: [Exasperated] "No, I did not!"

Rita: "Well, regardless, someone has to fix this." [Puts her mask back on] "And unfortunately, even the two of us are too frightened!"

Lynn Sr: "Plan B! RETREAT! RETREAT!" [He and Rita run back downstairs.]

Lincoln: [Ringtone sounds as he checks his phone.] "Oh, no! Ronnie Anne's on her way? Could this day get any worse?"

Jackson: [Ringtone sounds as he checks his phone.] "It's about to. Whitney's on her way as well."

Lincoln: "AUGH! Is there nothing we can do to stop this madness?!" [He bangs his head on the wall. A rope on the wall is attached to the vacuum cleaner that's taped on the ceiling, and its bag opens up to drop dust on the boys.] "Well, that's my answer."

Jackson: "But on the plus side, that's one less prank that Ronnie Anne and Whitney could suffer." [The boys then get an idea]

Both: "That's it!"

Lincoln: "If we set off all the pranks in the house, there won't be any left for the girls."

Lynn: "Lincoln! Jackson! It's not safe out there!"

Lincoln: "Save yourselves! We've got a job to do.

Lucy: "Don't worry, Lincoln. If anything happens to you and Jackson, I'll plan your funerals."

Boys: "Deal."

Lynn: "Use one of my football helmets!"

Luna: "And my old bike helmet!"

[The sisters close Lincoln's bedroom door and put the mahogany on it. Lincoln puts on one of Lynn's football helmets, and Jackson puts on Luna's old bike helmet. The duo then takes out the house map and circles the kitchen.]

Lincoln: "We'll start by de-pranking the kitchen."

[Lincoln and Jackson go downstairs and look at a sign that says "Kitchen this way", but it points to the open front door.]

Lincoln: "'Kitchen this way'? Ha! Does she think we're dumb enough to fall for that?"

Jackson: "No, but she probably thinks that Leni would."

[Lincoln takes the original route and goes into the kitchen and finds grease on the floor.]

Lincoln: "Well, here goes nothing."

[Lincoln cautiously walks on the grease trap, but he also steps on a string, causing a boot contraption to kick him and Jackson into the fridge while a box falls on his head. As they get up, they slip on the grease, open the fridge door, and Lincoln is socked right in the face by a boxing glove on a spring. The force of impact propels him into the stove.]

Lincoln: "OW!"

[His helmet breaks apart, and a bunch of vicious raccoons pop out of the stove and attack Lincoln as he screams in pain.]

Luan: [Popping in from the other room.] "I made that dish from scratch!" [Laughs]

[In the backyard, the Loud parents are at Lisa's shelter.]

Rita: [As Lynn Senior knocks on the shelter.] "Lisa Marie Loud! Let us in!"

Lisa: "I'll need some of your assurances in return! One, I will never again be punished for the explosions in or around the house!"

Luan: [With a pile of Lily's stinky diapers.] "Happy April Stools!" [She prepares to aim one with a slingshot towards her parents.]

Rita: "Are those diapers? She wouldn't!"

Lynn Sr: "No, she would!" [Frantically pounds the shelter.] "Whatever you want! Just let us in!"

Lisa: [Opens the shelter while holding a contract.] "Sign here, here, and initials here."

[After the parents frantically sign their names, they hide while Luan shoots diapers at them.]

Lincoln: [Looks at the map and finds a flying flour in the bathroom and screams.] "Ha! Evaded!" [He catches it, but the flour has a timer to explode.] "Uh-oh!"

Jackson: "I got it!" [He grabs the flour and is about to throw it away, but it explodes, and the boys start coughing.] "Too late." [He finds the sink to turn it on, but the water splashes him and Lincoln.] "Gosh! What is this?! Home Alone?!"

Luan: [Opens the door to her room] "I love Home Alone!" [Jackson nonchalantly shuts the door]

Lincoln: "Towel! Towel! Towel! Where's the towel?" [As he blindly searches for a towel, he finds a raccoon and uses it to wipe himself, but after he opens his eyes, he finds out his mistake and screams as he runs away from it. Jackson chases them as Luan pops out again.]

Luan: "Don't give up! No one likes a critter!" [Laughs]

Lori: "I think if we ration the food, we should be okay."

Lana: "What does 'ration' mean?" [Eats a bag of chips and drinks apple juice. The others glare at her as she realizes her mistake.] "Oh, right. Rationing means saving up on food."

Lola: [Scoffs] "Typical of you, Lana! Now, someone has to go into the kitchen for more supplies!"

[Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, and Lucy all talk at once]

Lana: [Gasps upon getting an idea] "Let's draw straws!"

Leni: [Sighs] "I'll just go. I know I'm gonna lose. I'm a terrible artist."

Lucy: "Actually, that's not what-"

Lola: [Covers Lucy's mouth] "No time to explain, Lucy! Good luck, Leni!"

[The sisters shove Leni out of Lincoln's room and put the mahogany back on the door. Leni makes it downstairs and finds the "Kitchen this way" sign.]

Leni: [Reads it] "'Kitchen this way'? Oh!" [Follows it] "Thank you, sign!" [Finds another sign that says the same thing.] "Thank you, sign!" [Finds more of the same sign.] "Thank you, sign!" [Flirty tone] "Thank you, sign!"

[She keeps following them into the town to parts unknown.]

Lincoln: [Looks at map] "Okay. Living room. So far, so good."

Jackson: "We just need to tread carefully."

[Then, a red line comes when Lincoln crosses it, and a projector is switched on, showing an embarrassing video of Lincoln kissing a balloon with a face on it while Clyde is beside him.]

Lincoln In The Video: "I think this is how you kiss a girl." [Kisses a balloon with a terrible drawing of Edwin's face on it]

Clyde In The Video: "Don't hold back, Lincoln. Girls like a guy with passion!"

[Lincoln kisses the balloon, and it pops. The video loops as the boys facepalm at it.]

Jackson: "When did you make that video?"

Lincoln: "Right after the Ronnie Anne teasing at school finally stopped. It's meant to be an anti-stress fidget."

Jackson: "A fidget?"

Lincoln: "I lost a bet to Cristina. I can't let Ronnie Anne or even Whitney see this!" [Goes on the couch] "Ahh! Stop! Stop!" [He tries to stop the film by waving his arm, but the couch has a spring, and Lincoln goes up the ceiling and gets stuck by sticky flypapers. He falls down onto the couch and goes back up, and the process repeats over and over as Luan shows up, shoving Jackson out of the way.]

Luan: "Looks like spring is in the air." [Laughs as Jackson pulls out his pistol and shoots the projector]

[Later, the boys head back to the stairs.]

Lincoln: [Looks at the map] "Just got to finish the bedrooms!"

Jackson: "We already checked Luna and Luan's room, and it was surprisingly clean. So, I'll check Lynn and Lucy's room, along with Lisa's, while you check the twins' room and Lily's." [The house's exterior is shown as Lincoln and Jackson get attacked by Luan's pranks. Afterwards, the duo is tired, beat up, and dirtied as they get a call from Clyde.]

Clyde: "Lincoln! Jackson! What's happening? Lucy just invited me to your funerals!"

Lincoln: [Takes a mousetrap out of his eye and screams as his eyebrow is torn off.] "OW!! We've been setting off all the pranks in the house so that Ronnie Anne and Whitney don't get hit." [Lifts his shoe as sand pours out.] "We've gone through every room except Leni and Lori's."

Jackson: "I already checked the parents' room and their backup room downstairs, and it seems that they've already triggered everything." [Clyde hangs up] "Clyde? Hello?"

[The doorbell rings as Lincoln and Jackson go downstairs to open the door to reveal...]

Clyde: "I volunteer to clear Lori and Leni's room." [Clyde goes to Lori and Leni's room offscreen as he gets attacked by Luan's pranks.] "It was worth it. Lori's room smells like apple cinnamon."

Lincoln: "That might be this pie." [Sighs] "Well, that's it. The Loud House is prank-free!" [High-fives Clyde as the latter walks away and faints. Ronnie Anne arrives and is surprised by this, before looking annoyed.]

Ronnie Anne: "I'm not even gonna ask."

Jackson: "Wait. Whitney's not with you?"

Luan: [Giggles as Ronnie Anne arrives] "I won! You thought you'd outsmart me, but you got the worst pranking ever!"

Lincoln: "You didn't really win, Luan. I only set off the pranks because Ronnie Anne and Whitney were coming over." [Ronnie Anne looks rather touched at hearing him say this.]

Luan: "Yeah! Well, who do you think invited the former over, genius?" [Ronnie Anne's expression turns to a confused look.] "I knew I had to lure you out of your room. So, I called Ronnie Anne and told her how much you love April Fools' Day. And here she is, to deliver the final blow."

[Lincoln turns to Ronnie Anne, who pulls out a pie, with a villainous-looking smile on her face. The boys brace for impact, and a splat is heard... but the duo isn't hit.]

Lincoln & Jackson: "Huh?" [As the boys open their eyes, they find out that she instead threw the pie in Luan's face.]

Lincoln: "But why'd you do that?"

Ronnie Anne: "You took all those pranks for me. It was actually pretty noble. It's the least I could do. Come on, let's draw some eyebrows on you and go get a milkshake."

[The two leave the house.]

Luan: "That girl's a keeper!"

Jackson: "I don't know. I think Lincoln might be better off with someone less... drastic."

Luan: "Whatever." [Notices something] "Wait. Where's that other girl?"

Jackson: "That's what I'm trying figure out."

[Soon afterwards, the family comes out of their hiding spots and is relieved that the prankfest is over.]

Lynn Sr: "I think it's over!"

[The other eight sisters agreed.]

Rita: "Wait! Where's Leni?"

Lisa: [Looking at the "Kitchen this way" sign.] "I have my suspicions."

Lynn Sr: "Okay, everybody in the van. Let's find Leni, and then afterwards, frozen yogurt to celebrate! Ha-ha!"

[Everyone cheers and hurries to Vanzilla; Jackson is pulled in by Luna, causing him to drop his camera, which is picked up by Luan. But just as the van is about to start, the airbag explodes, splatting blue paint everywhere in the car.]

Everyone: [Furious] "LUAN!"

Luan: [To the recording] "Aw, the end of April Fools always makes me feel a little blue." [Laughs] "Get it?" [The side door opens, revealing an irate Jackson.] "Uh-oh."

Luna: [Equally irate] "Kick her head in."

[Jackson chases a panicking Luan around the house... just as someone arrives offscreen.]

Lori: "Oh, hey, Whitney!" [Giggles] "You came after all."

Whitney: "Uh... Is Jackson even available?"

Lori: "Oh, he'll be available soon." [Everyone turns back to the chase sequence] "I hope."

Chapter Text

I am not the best at matchmaking.

I've already said this like a million times after one such mishap. But some people just can't let go of grudges.

That, or... they just loved to torment me for kicks.

Everyone in my school knows who I am, what I am, and even why I am. And because of this, I only have a few friends outside the family... aside from Jackson. I have Clyde McBride, my only other best friend; Liam Hunnicutt, a local farmboy that I met around the same time as Clyde; and recently, I befriended Rusty Spokes, who had his own best friends in Tyler "Flat Tire" Flanders, Willie "Papa Wheelie" Powell, and a brainiac by the name of Zach Gurdle. I did have others, but they've been distant from me as of late. And I don't blame them if they want to move on. I just wish they would give me a good reason as to why they're moving on.

And speaking of "moving on", as I just said, some people just either can't let go of old grudges or love to bother me for kicks.

[Royal Woods Elementary School. Lincoln is arranging stuff in his locker.]

In one such instance, I can't even tell which it was when it came to five girls in particular.

[Five familiar girls menacingly walk up to Lincoln, who recognizes all of them.]

Jordan "GJ" Roswell, Joy Vaughan, Mollie Monroe, Sadie Blackwell, and Katherine "Kat" Hutchins.

I recognized them from my matchmaking mishap.

Lincoln: What do you want now?

GJ: Oh, nothing. Just wanted to see how Royal Woods' resident dingbat is holding up.

Lincoln: I'm not always a dingbat.

Jordan, better known as "Girl Jordan" or "GJ" due to the school having a "Boy Jordan", was once given one of Lynn's "Dutch Oven" attacks by the school's most meek student, Andrew Dunham.

Joy: Schools tend to dissect frogs, but after what I went through, I've been thinking of dissecting something else.

Lincoln: Do that, and you'll be charged with murder.

Joy isn't much of an animal person, especially when it comes to frogs, hence why she and several other girls lashed out at Papa Wheelie.

Mollie: [Flirtatiously] You know, I still have that funeral veil. If Joy does dissect you to death, I might as well bust it out.

Lincoln: [Trying to sound confident] I bet it'll protect your face if my sister, Lucy, gives you a black eye.

Mollie is someone you don't want to cross. Like my family and Jackson's, she's also of military blood, as her dad, Marion Monrone, is a US Army Colonel. So, a rough-and-tough girl like her would refuse to be near "morbid weirdos" like Flat Tire. At least, her mother, Miriam, is a physician.

Girls: [Smugly] Ooh!

Mollie: Someone's trying to put his big boy pants on today. [Turns to a girl in a pink long-sleeved shirt] Sadie, what do you have to say about this?

Sadie: [Timidly] I don't even have an opinion.

Sadie is actually one of the nicer students. She isn't exactly someone who holds a grudge. So, why is she with these girls? Well, my matching skills ended up resulting in her and Rusty getting hospitalized. But even so, she doesn't have any grudges with me. This is just a bad case of peer pressure. So, I can't blame her.

GJ: What? You must have some opinion.

Kat: Yeah. This walking disaster thinks he's tough, but he's still just the school's biggest crybaby.

And finally, Kat is the school's richest student; her dad, Richard, runs a law firm, and her mother, Catlin, owns a publishing company. And like any rich kid, you can expect her to be quite snobby, such as when she lashed out at Zach when he burnt her braids with a chemistry kit.

Lincoln: Oh, I'm a crybaby? I'm pretty sure rich kids like you tend to whine a lot.

Kat: Oh, here we go again. Always with the stereotypes.

Lincoln: Look, I already gave my apologies. I paid my dues. I did my time in the big house. So, why this?

Joy: Because you always come back as if nothing ever happened.

Lincoln: Or you just like to harass kids of my social class for kicks. Or rather, you just like to harass me for kicks. Just because I'm an easy target.

Sadie: Lincoln, for the record, you being an easy target is one of the reasons why I didn't want any part in this confrontation.

Lincoln: And I don't blame you, Sadie. What I do blame you for is that you're hanging out with girls like these four. You might as well ditch them, considering how they're swinging their bats lately.

[That only made GJ, Joy, Mollie, and Kat grab Lincoln, slam him against the lockers, and angrily clamor in his ears for his statement. Lincoln didn't understand what they were saying since they were overlapping one another. He tries to block them out, but the girls pin his arms against the lockers. The clamoring continued on and on until he was on the verge of blowing a gasket, and Sadie just stayed silent. Fortunately, they are interrupted by a loud bang, as someone had slammed Lincoln's locker shut to get their attention. They all turned to see a group of familiar faces standing by. It was Connie, Cristina, and...]

Lincoln: Oh, hey, Jackson.

Jackson: Hey, Linc. [Connie clears her throat]

Lincoln: Hello to you too, girls.

Connie: Are these girls bothering you again?

Lincoln: Well- [Mollie covers his mouth]

Cristina: Is there a problem here, ladies?

Girls: Uh... No.

Jackson: It seems like it to us. [Gets close to their faces, making them shiver] Are there still some hard feelings from some old news? Or are you just doing this for fun?

[The girls only answered by silently backing away from Lincoln, though Mollie is still pinning Lincoln.]

Connie: Yeah. Thought so.

Mollie: [Confidently] Pfft. As if there's any harassment going on here. In fact, we were just giving Lincoln some of our own advice on how to-

Jackson: [Militaristic tone] TEN HUT, MAGGOT!

Mollie: [Releases Lincoln and promptly salutes] Yes, sir! [Jackson laughs heartily, and Mollie blushes at what he made her do.] Okay. That scares me.

Jackson: You know that I'm of military blood like you. Is that it?

Mollie: It helps.

Cristina: [Grabs Lincoln's hand] Come on, Lincoln. We'll treat you after school to clear your mind of this.

Lincoln: Uh, sure. [They leave] Thanks, guys.

[Cristina and Lincoln walk ahead of Jackson and Cora to get further away from the harassers.]

Jackson: Man, if there's one thing about school that I can never stand, it's the "cool kids".

Connie: Yeah. We can agree that they just suck no matter what. [They both laugh heartily as GJ, Joy, Mollie, and Kat scowl, while Sadie backs away]

GJ: That meddling housemate of Lincoln's is always shielding him from us.

Joy: Not to mention, he always has that... glaring effect that sends shivers down our spines.

Kat: We'll never put Lincoln in his place if his housemate's always volunteering at the school.

Sadie: Well, don't make this my problem. [Leaves] You're on your own. [GJ, Joy, Mollie, and Kat growl at Sadie's departure]

Chapter Text

What started as a boring yet suitably loud Saturday morning would later become something that some of Royal Woods' residents would never stop talking about.

Lori and I attempted to rehabilitate a bully.

[On their way to the kitchen, Lincoln and Jackson came across a very peculiar sight: Lori Loud is reading a newspaper, and she seems to be legitimately disturbed by whatever she was reading.]

Lincoln: "Well, that's new. She's not on her phone... for once."

Jackson: "Yeah, but what article is she reading?"

Lincoln: "Don't know." [Leaves] "But I'm not in the mood to find out."

[Lincoln grabs a couple of fruit snack bags and passes one to Jackson before taking the other back to their room. Meanwhile, Jackson decided to approach Lori.]

Jackson: "What's in that newspaper, Lori? You usually never even touch a newspaper unless it has something that would pique your interest. So, what gives?"

[Lori looks away, seemingly hesitant to tell the truth.]

Jackson: "Lori, you can talk to me. What's wrong?"

Lori: [Takes a deep breath] "Well, the top article is about how a birthday party taking place at a sewage site or something was abruptly ruined thanks to a malfunction in the system. Several kids wound up injured, including the birthday boy."

Jackson: "Wait, a birthday party in a sewage site?"

Lori: "See for yourself." [Passes the newspaper to Jackson, who cringes at what he's reading.]

As I read about the news, I grimaced in shock. The article basically talked about how, in a birthday party at a sewage plant, there was a malfunction. What sort of malfunction wasn't specified, but it ended with a lot of sewage waste falling on the visitors, the birthday boy, and even the cake.

Jackson: "Sheesh. Luan could say the party was wasted." [Chuckles dryly]

But nevertheless, alongside the mention of how most of the victims wound up injured, but none killed, I couldn't help but frown in sympathy, especially when the article confirmed soon afterwards the identity of the birthday boy: Chandler McCann. I remember when Lincoln and Clyde told me about him. Granted, he had been a jerk to them, but I, for one, believe that he didn't deserve... that.

Lori: [Notices Jackson's behavior] "Jackson, do you know the birthday boy?"

Jackson: "Uh... Not directly. I only know him from Lincoln."

Lori: "Lincoln? How?"

I hesitated, since despite the fact Lincoln did know the boy, he also knew that, seeing how things came down, getting free stuff from Lori, which made her have to work overtime, which in turn made Lincoln work in her place to pay the debt, the young woman would most likely, at the best case scenario, be upset and disappointed, and at the worst, go completely bonkers.

But then, there was also the fact that he and I did need to tell her about it sooner or later, and she seemed to be in a good, understanding mood. It probably wouldn't hurt to tell her the truth, right?

Jackson: "Well, remember that time Lincoln asked for a lot of free stuff from you at Gus' Games & Grub when you were working as a waitress?" [Lori sternly nods, showing that she still seemed to be bitter about that whole thing.] "He's the main reason that happened: Linc asked all of those favors in order to get him... whatever Lincoln was going to give him."

[Lori takes a deep breath and rubs her forehead, making her housemate think that she may be a bit upset about the revelation.]

Jackson: "Are you angry?"

Lori: "If you or Lincoln had told me that stuff back then, I probably would've been quite angry at both him and that Chandler boy." [She rubs her housemate's hair as she calms his worries.] "But now that I find this out after reading the news, I believe we can safely assume that 'Lady Karma' did the job for me, which means we can tell Lincoln that he has nothing to worry about. Then again, it seems that Lady Karma may have done her job a little bit too roughly."

Jackson: "Well, this Chandler McCann is still just a kid. So, I can't disagree with you."

Lori: [Gets an idea] "Hey, I know! How about we go look for him? You can try to cheer him up after his disastrous birthday party."

Jackson: "Are you crazy?! I mean, I know what I just said, but after what Lincoln told me, after all the free stuff he made him get, which in turn made you work overtime because of debts, which in turn made your brother work your overtime just to get you to go out do your stuff, you want me to be the one to cheer him up?!"

Lori: "Look, I know my plan isn't literally the best idea, and I probably wouldn't mind beating him up back then, but this is the perfect chance to turn this enemy into a friend. Now that this birthday party's ruined, he's definitely going to need somebody to comfort him. And who better to do it than the Royal Woods' resident guardian angel?"

Jackson: "The only people I give therapy to are this family and Clyde."

Lori: [Gently jabs her housemate's shoulder] "Well, it would hurt to broaden your horizons."

Jackson: "Oh, okay then. But I'm not sure if this is going to work."

Lori: [Smiles and brushes her housemate's hair] "Only one way to find out."

[Later, at the park, the two hid behind a bush and watched Chandler, now with a visible arm cast, try to get a watermelon bar from a vending machine one-handed. Eventually, since it was easier than it looked, he simply threw his arm up in the air and sat on a bench in defeat. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity, Lori and Jackson exchanged nods before the housemate walked forward and sat next to Chandler.]

Jackson: "Hi, Chandler."

Chandler: "Have we met?"

Jackson: "N-No, but Lincoln told me about you. I'm Jackson. Jackson Delaney."

Chandler: [Bluntly] "I should've known that he would bring me up."

Jackson: "So, how are you doing?"

[The redhead's furious glare and ensuing refusal to look at the brunette teenager made it clear he wasn't very happy to see anyone.]

Jackson: "Well, as you probably remember, you and Linc didn't have the best first impression." [This only earns him another glare from the redheaded boy.] "I mean, you used him to get free stuff, and he only hung out with you to be invited to your birthday party-"

Chandler: "That was a mistake."

[Jackson flinches at that remark and turns around to see Chandler, his hair covering his eyes, taking a deep breath.]

Chandler: "The birthday party... He and that friend of his shouldn't have tried to get invited. It was a terrible idea to make it public in the first place."

Jackson: "But, you invited everybody, minus Clyde and Lincoln. It should've at least been a little fun-"

Chandler: "Any and all fun I had was completely lost when the incident happened!" [Jackson flinches again.] "Don't you get it?! Sewage landed on me and half of those who went to the party! I broke my arm, and several other people got injured as well! And if that weren't enough, the things I did to those two boys got out somehow, and when everyone heard about it, they all walked out on me on the spot! And now, everybody hates me for everything that happened!"

After that little outburst, Chandler looked back to the ground, and I just awkwardly scratched the back of my head.

Jackson: "Well, geez, after that reaction, I don't know what to say anymore."

Chandler: [Rolls his eyes] "Perhaps, you'd like to add an insult to my injury?"

Jackson: [Shakes his head] "Chandler, after everything that's happened, that's the last thing I want to do-"

Chandler: "No, I mean it literally." [He then showed Jackson his arm cast more closely, revealing it had several insults written on it.] "When I came to school to show my arm cast, several of your buddies' classmates came to me and wrote several insults, scoldings, and all that on it. I allowed them to do it, since I thought they wanted to wish me to recover, but... Well, they weren't happy with the fact that  I did such a terrible party."

And the insults definitely showed that.

"You stink, literally," one said.

"The sewage plant was no place for a party!" another added.

"Your party sucked, and you suck for it!" a third continued

Even Clyde had one.

"Look on the bright side: Your ugliness was kept intact," he wrote.

Well, at least, he was trying to be positive.

Jackson: "Was it really that bad?"

Chandler: "Uh, yes! The party was held at a sewage plant! If that doesn't tell you how bad it was, then I don't know what will!"

[The redhead promptly sighs and looks back at the ground.]

Jackson: "Well, I say that it did."

Chandler: "I mean, seriously, the white-haired weirdo and that blue-and-yellow geek pretty much saved themselves from having a terrible time. Too bad I basically dug my own grave and made those two hate me by using them to get free stuff." [Stick his arm cast out to Jackson] "So, go on, write your insult in here. I'm not going to let you waste my time with some chit-chat just to get on my good side before crushing that trust."

Soon afterwards, I was handed a pen by the redhead, who looked away as I pondered what to write... if I should write anything at all. But one glance at Lori's hopeful look later, I got an idea and wrote it down right away. Once I finished, Chandler looked at it.

And he was surprised by what it said.

"I hope you get better soon," I wrote.

No insults, no malice, nothing negative about it. It was a legitimately reassuring statement.

And as Chandler could only look at the message in confusion, I went back to the vending machine that Chandler had so much trouble with before and got one of those watermelon bars that he sought for so long. By the time I came back and showed it to him, Chandler could only ask, in complete disbelief.

Chandler: "Why?"

Jackson: "Look, you used Lincoln, and 'Lady Karma' made you pay for it. So, there's no need to give you more pain than necessary. And besides, if Lincoln were here instead of me, he would do the same thing, because no matter how cruel someone is to him, he's much more noble than most people give him credit for." [Passes the watermelon bar] "I hope you get better soon."

[Jackson gets up to leave, opens the food bar, having remembered that Chandler would have a hard time doing that with his condition, and walks away... only to be stopped by Chandler getting up, blocking his way, and showing him the exposed watermelon bar.]

Chandler: "Do you want some? Y-You did something nice for me, and I wanna do something nice in return."

Jackson: "Thanks, but I don't really like watermelon. But if you do want to do something nice in return, just promise me that you won't trick people into getting you free stuff. And promise me that you will stop bothering Lincoln, Clyde, and any other person you bothered before."

Chandler: [Thinks about it... and sighs] "Sounds like a lot of work, but... Sure, I promise you that. I probably might break it because of my schoolmates, but I've got the heart to try."

[Jackson nods and walks back to Lori, who hugs him.]

Lori: "That's my cute little pretzel, turning enemies into friends with the power of words! I'm literally proud of you, Jax!"

Jackson: "Thanks, Lore, but I didn't do anything impressive."

Lori: "Nonsense; you managed to talk with a bully without it ending with you two fighting! Lynn couldn't do it, Lola couldn't do it... Heck, I couldn't do that until Mom and Dad outright forced me to become Carol's fencing partner. But that's another story for another day. For now, let's go home and tell Lincoln the good news."

I just nodded, and as we walked back home, Chandler watched us leave as he took a bite out of his watermelon bar. And unlike any other bar he had taken before, this one didn't have a bitter flavor hidden in it. It was a normal sweet watermelon flavor.

Which brought a smile to his face.

Unfortunately, I say "attempted" because sometime later, he went back to his rude ways since those kids just wouldn't let go of their grudges against him. But I know that deep down, he's thankful that there's at least one person being nice to him.

Chapter Text

So, Rita had signed Lincoln up for peewee football, but everyone knows that Lincoln is lousy at sports, even those outside the house, and yet, Rita and Lynn Senior want him to exercise. I also want him to do that, but this is way too much for him. And if that weren't enough, Rita had also signed up Clyde, Liam, Chad, Artie, Zach, Rusty, Papa Wheelie, Connie, Cristina, GJ, Joy, Mollie, Sadie, and Kat, believing that their presence could help give Lincoln some "moral support", but in reality, they also didn't like the position they were thrown into; I was surprised to hear from Rusty and Papa Wheelie that Flat Tire was willing to give the sport a shot, but I was even more surprised by how Mollie, the daughter of an army colonel, is choosing to back out of this. So, I helped them with a scheme to get out of it.

And who else was there to go to other than Lola Loud?

[They're conversing with Lola about their quandary.]

Lola: "An injury to get out of sports. That can be arranged."

Kat: "Just not the face."

Lola: "We'll see." [She sips her tea.]

[In the backyard. Lola has her kiddie car all warmed up, ready to do something that involves injuring Lincoln and company.]

Clyde: "You go first."

Lincoln: "Fair enough." [To Lola] "Go easy, okay?" [Sticks his leg out]

Lola: [Grinning fiercely] "We'll see."

[She puts the pedal all the way down, and at the last second, Lincoln moves his leg out of the way, making Lola crash right into the trash.]

Lola: [Enrages with a head full of trash and clenched fists] "YOU WANT AN INJURY?! I'LL GIVE YOU ONE!!!" [Charges at the older kids, who try to run away]

Mollie: [Pulls a leg muscle] "Ow, ow! Charley Horse!"

[Lola pounces on him to pulverize her until Lynn Junior shows up.]

Lynn: "Oh, we're wrestling? Cool!" [Blows a whistle upon observing something and stops the brawl.] "Lola, that's unnecessary roughness!"

Lola: "Well, they deserve it! I was trying to help them get out of playing Football, and Lincoln made me total my car! AND I JUST PUT IN THE CUPCAKE AIR FRESHENER!"

Lynn: [To Lincoln] "Wait. Get out of playing Football? Why would you wanna do that? Football rules!"

Jackson: "Maybe for you, LJ, but this is a different story altogether."

Lincoln: "We don't even know how to play. Plus, we're gonna get our butts kicked."

Lola: [Holding her grudge] "You got that right!"

Lynn [To Lola] "That's enough! Hit the showers!"

[Lola storms off, growling.]

Lynn happily offers to teach the kids everything they need to know about football, but in the end, they prove that they really aren't good at football. During a training in the local park, the kids bumped into Hank and Hawk, two rough players from the Hazeltucky Hockers, the rival team of Lincoln's school football team, the Royal Woods Roosters. The guys mock them and leave, giving Lincoln an idea; Lynn can pretend to be him and play in his place, so that she can play, and he can have his own life. Lynn accepted.

The kids later enacted their plan. While Lynn went out to play instead of him, Lincoln stayed under a tree reading comics, and whenever she came back, he would put on the uniform, and Lynn would throw mud at his face to make their parents believe that Lincoln really played. They kept doing it until autumn arrived. The plan looks to be successful until Lynn Senior showed Lincoln a newspaper announcement, which shows that the crowd loves Lincoln (or rather, Lynn Junior) due to his (her) excellent playing. He then said that he and the rest of the family will go to see Lincoln play tomorrow in his final game, much to the latter's horror.

The next day, it was the final game of the season. The Louds and I went to the game to see the kids play. Lincoln managed to make Lynn play instead of him, and in some moments (like when they had to sing the national anthem or the TV interview during halftime), they switched places. Near the end of the game, the players of the rival team injured Lynn by producing a sprain in her ankle. When she was taken out of the field, the coach removed her helmet, revealing to everyone that she really is Lynn, not Lincoln. Without any other option, Lincoln appeared and confessed to the coach and his parents what he had done. Because of Lynn's injury, she can't continue playing, and the Royal Woods Roosters will lose by default, but Lincoln then offers to replace Lynn in the field.

With just one point to win and one minute to finish the game, Lincoln and company entered the game and were pursued by the rival players to obtain the ball from them. At the end, Lincoln made a touchdown, but then, it was revealed that he went to the wrong side of the field, scoring for the other team, meaning the Royal Woods Roosters lost and the Hazeltucky Hockers won both the game and the trophy. Because of this, the other Royal Woods Rooster players pursued Lincoln, who flees from them.

What a bunch of ungrateful brats.

But I gave those Hockers some karma to show that you should not screw with my family.

Hank: "Whoo! We showed them, eh, boys?" [The Hockers cheer]

Hawk: "Yeah, especially that Loud kid. He's definitely gonna be sore in the morning from his fellow chickens."

[The Hockers guffaw rudely at that remark... until they see something that made them frown.]

Hocker: "Hey! What happened to our bus?!"

[The bus is shown to be vandalized; the word "Hockers" was covered with the word "Squawkers" in spray paint, and all four tires were slashed.]

Roosters Fan: "Ha! 'Squawkers'! How appropriate for a bunch of babies like you!" [Walks away, laughing]

[The Hockers then notice Jackson smugly waving at them in his Mustang.]

Jackson: "Enjoy your stay in Royal Woods, you big dorks!"

Hank: "You SON OF A...!" [Takes his helmet off and throws it at Jackson, who drives away]

Jackson: "Big mistake mocking my fam." [His phone rings, and he answers] "Yes?"

Rita: [Over the phone] "Jackson, did you just commit vandalism in the parking lot?"

Jackson: "No, I like to think of it as poetic justice. That was just the first half, 'cause I'm gonna plan something for those ungrateful brats in Lincoln's team."

Rita: [Over the phone] "Well, whatever you call it, it's gonna get you in big trouble with the committee."

Jackson: "Well, in the meantime, we should talk about what you had in mind for Lincoln, 'cause now, he's gonna come home to-" [Rita hangs up] "I think she got my point."

[Jackson smirks a little as the episode ends.]

Chapter Text

The Sadie Hawkins Dance was coming to the school, but Lincoln didn't want to be with Ronnie Anne... for obvious reasons. And when he fibbed about Ronnie Anne standing him up to his sisters, four of them decided to set up some dates for him. And the team and I decided to help out.

But in typical fashion, the results were mixed.

Clyde: [Contacting Lincoln through earpiece] "Lincoln, I'm in position." [Waves to signal him... but then, he takes cover, now nervous.] "I forgot I'm afraid of heights, but I'll be okay."

Lincoln: [On the receiver] "You're a true pal, Clyde."

Clyde: "Don't mention it." 

Jackson: [Contacting Lincoln through earpiece] "Uh, hello? We're here too."

Lincoln: "Oh, right. Same to you guys."

Chad: [Searches with binoculars] "Now, at your 11 o'clock, you'll see a girl with purple streaks in her hair. That's Luna's friend, Tabitha "Tabby" Thorne. She loves sweatin' to the oldies, turning it up to 11, and her ideal date is soundproofing a wall with egg crates."

Artie: "Oh, and according to Luna, she's also of British descent; her mother migrated from Scotland. So, expect an accent from her."

Lincoln: "Understood."

[Lincoln walks up to her.]

Lincoln: "Hi, Tabby. I'm Lincoln."

Tabby: [Rapidly shakes his hand] "Good to meet ya! Wanna jam?"

Lincoln: "Oh, uh... okay." [Plays air piano]

Tabby: "Rockin' air piano! You got some chops."

Clyde: [Contacting] "Sky Guy to the Ladies' Man, your time is up. Move on to Girl #2."

Lincoln: "Ooh, sorry, Tabby. My piano elbow's acting up. Gonna grab an ice pack." [Dashes off]

Tabby: "Okay. I don't mind the wait."

Chad: [Watching] "Okay, at your 6 o'clock is Luan's friend from Clown School, Giggles, real name: Unknown. A Virgo with an infectious laugh, Giggles' ideal date is trying to figure out how many people she can cram into one car."

Artie: "You could ask her what her real name is if you'd like."

Lincoln: "No, I'm good." [Walks up to her] "Hey, Giggles. I'm Lincoln."

Giggles: "Pleased to meet ya, Linc!" [Shakes hands with Lincoln... and zaps him with a joy buzzer.] "I heard a lot of buzz about you from your big sis, Luan!" [Laughs]

Lincoln: "Good one. You got something on your shirt." [Points to it and Giggles looks down... and then, he flicks her red nose.] "Boop!"

Giggles: [Laughs] "Touché!"

Clyde: [Contacting] "Wrap it up, Ladies' Man. Girl #3 is waiting. Lucy's friend, Haiku Akiyama, is an up-and-coming poet. Her dislikes include kittens, sunlight, and people who smile too much."

[Lincoln puts on a frown to make a good impression on her.]

Jackson: "And apparently, she's the youngest of the bunch. So..."

Lincoln; [Feigning a melancholy nature] "Hi. I'm Lincoln."

Haiku: "Hi, Lincoln. I'm Haiku. Lucy told me a lot about ya. Wanna hear my haiku? 'Empty, lonely, dark; The universe is weeping; I have no tissues'. Do you have something in mind?"

Lincoln: "Uh... I could try. 'Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water'."

Haiku: "Oh, yes. The futility of teamwork. Deep stuff."

Chad: [Contacting] "Time's up, Ladies' Man. Girl #4 is Lynn's roller derby teammate, Polly Pain. Eh... Wherever she is."

Artie: "I-I think she's over by the-"

[Polly comes rolling in and gives Lincoln a surprise roller derby attack, which launches him into the wall.]

Lincoln: [In pain] "I found her, guys."

Polly: "Nailed ya, broski! In roller derby, that's a move I like to call the Booty Block!" [She shakes her booty on the name and grabs Lincoln.] "And this is the Helicopter!" [Starts spinning him over her head.]

Lincoln: Whoa-oa-oa-oa!"

[Polly drops him on a mat.]

Polly: "Wow! You didn't even barf! I'm impressed."

Lincoln: [In more pain] "Thanks."

Jackson: "Just walk it off, man."

Chapter Text

Lola and I wanted to be a part of the siblings' Secrets Club, but while they were willing to let me in, knowing what I do for a living, her siblings are reluctant to let in a tattletale.

So, Lola, upon getting some dirt on her family, decided to resort to blackmail.

[The next day. Lincoln wakes up and sees Lola looking at him with a wide smile. Lincoln yells in shock at this jumpscare.]

Lola: "Morning, Linky!" [Pulls out a fancy suit] "I need a butler for my tea party. You're it."

Lincoln: "Yeah. That's not happening." [he puts his bedsheets back on.]

Lola: "Oh, really?" [She swipes the bedsheets off of Lincoln. He looks up.] "I hate for Dad to find out who broke his precious disco ball!"

Lincoln: [Gasps loudly, realizing that Lola knows his secret.] "Who told you about that?!"

[Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know.]

Jackson: [Wakes up] "Wait. What?"

[Later, Lincoln is seen wearing the suit Lola provided.]

Lola: "Top me off, Linkington." [Lincoln tips the teacup over.] "I don't hear any tea!"

[Lincoln sighs and tips the teacup over again while making a whooshing sound to make it sound like tea is pouring out.]

[Backyard. Lucy is writing in her poem book, and Lola approaches her with her princess car.]

Lola: "Hey, Luce. Wanna drive me around while I practice my pageant wave?"

Lucy: "Hard pass. I'm busy."

Lola: "Okay. I guess I can't bother someone so busy all the dang time." [Circles around.] "Maybe, I'll go play 'Dress Up' with Mom's wedding gown instead." [Lucy looks up with realization as a crow caws. Lola gasps.] "Oh, wait. I can't." [Eerily tilts her head] "Because someone ruined it."

Lucy: [Gasps loudly (rather than saying the word), realizing she knows about her secret.] "Who told you that?" [Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. She moves into the passenger seat as Lucy sits down in the driver's seat. Lola motions for Lucy to start driving.] "Sigh."

[Lucy dons a chauffeur's cap and begins driving as Lola begins waving.]

And those were just the tame ones. From there, it just got worse.

So, Lincoln and I went over to one of Lola's pageant princess gatherings to talk to her rivals. We could really use their help.

[Miss Liza's Pageant Training Center; Lincoln and Jackson are talking with some of Lola's pageant rivals.]​

Lincoln: "No one has dirt on Lola Loud?" [Lola's competitors scream in fear upon hearing Lola's name and run away.] "Sheesh! What did she do to these girls?"

Jackson: "I guess she's got dirt on them as well. Which means we're not just helping ourselves."

Lincoln: "We have to help these girls too."

???: ​"Psst! Over here!" [The duo turns around and sees a pair of eyes sticking out of a closet door.] "Come in here." [With no one looking, Lincoln and Jackson approach the closet, and a pair of hands drag them in. The room is pitch black, and only the eyes are visible.] "Hey. You need some dirt on your sister, right?"

Jackson: "And you're willing to help us?"

???: "Of course, I'm going to help you. Not because I like you or anything like that, but because I'm tired of always coming in second place to Lola!"

Lincoln: "Wait. Is this Lindsay Sweetwater?"

Lindsay: [Sternly] "Do you want the dirt or not?!"

Lincoln: [Sheepishly] "Sorry."

Jackson: "We're just confirming your identity."

Lindsay: "Well..." [Turns on a flashlight, revealing her face] "Happy?"

Lincoln: "We are now. Proceed." [Lindsay whispers a secret to Lincoln and Jackson, causing them to gasp loudly.] "Holy..."

[Back at the Loud House]

Luan: "...Shamoley!"

[Lincoln has just told all his sisters Lola's secret, leaving them completely flabbergasted.]

Lynn: [Offscreen] "Man, that is juicy!" [The sisters look over to Lynn, who is actually referring to the burger she's eating.] ​"And you got some really good dirt on Lola too."

[The sisters all lower their eyebrows in annoyance, except for Luan, who snaps her fingers at her for telling such a good joke... only for Jackson to smack her to make her focus.]

Lincoln: "Yep, and now, it's time to take her down!"

[The sisters begin cheering.]

Chapter Text

All we wanted was to show Lisa what's "fun" about a snow day. At first, nothing seemed to work, until we introduced her to snowball fighting. But then... Well, you be the judge.

[Outside, Lincoln is at the top of the hill holding a sled. He adjusts his hat to make himself comfortable, before taking off.]

Lincoln: "YEAH!!!"

[Suddenly, snowballs are thrown towards him. Lincoln closes one of his eyes and steers the sled to avoid them, but his sled ends up crashing into a tree. He gets up and holds his sore head until a pile of snow falls onto him.]

Lisa: [Laughs] "There's nothing like another whole day of lobbing frozen projectiles! WOOHOO!! Snow day!!!"

[Lana is making another snowman.]

Lana: "Ah. Even better."

[Suddenly, Lisa starts firing snowballs and blows several holes into her new snowman. It now looks like Swiss cheese.]

Lana: [Gasps] "Mister Twig Arms Junior!"

Lisa: [Laughs] "Look alive, Lana! Mister Twig Arms sure doesn't!" [Her eyes go crazy] "Ha ha!"

[Lynn is riding her bobsled when suddenly Lisa appears on her own one.]

Lisa: "Hey, Lynn!" [Busts out a snowball Gatling gun] "Say hello to my not-so-little friend." [Laughs as she throws snowballs at her sister, forcing her to flinch and shut her eyes before her bobsled is blasted away] "Snow daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

[Lynn and her bobsled fall into Lincoln and Jackson's newly built igloo, destroying it and knocking the flag over.]

Lincoln: "Dang it." [Jackson facepalms]

[Lisa comes by with a bazooka loaded with snow.]

Lisa: "Hey, guys! I want to show you my latest invention: The Ultra Snowzooka! Patent pending." [Looks around] "Guys? Where'd they go?"

[The others are inside the house.]

Lincoln: "Sheesh! We've created a monster!"

Lori: "At least, we're safe in here."

Lucy: "Yeah. It's not like she can bring snow inside the house."

Jackson: [Sees something] "Uh... Unless it's made of dry ice." [The others turn to him in confusion]

[Lisa shoots snow at them, and they yelp at their ambush.]

Lisa: "Behold, my latest latest invention: Indoor Snow! Made entirely out of dry ice! Patent pending." [Lisa starts shooting snowballs and laughs maniacally while her siblings and Jackson run off terrified]

Jackson: "Good grief!" [He, Luna, Luan, Lola, and Lily head up the stairs.] "She's gone crazier than Luan!"

Luan: [Offended] "I'm right next to you!"

Jackson: "Whatever!"

Lola: "Less talky-talky, more runny-runny!"*

Luna: "What she said!" [Lily giggles]

[Lori is hiding in her room's closet, talking to Bobby on her tablet.]

Bobby: [On the tablet] "Oh, hey, Lori. Why are you calling today?"

Lori: "Boo Boo Bear, it's one of my sisters."

Bobby: "Which one?"

Lori: "Lisa. Lisa is literally... out of control." [Pants in fear]

Bobby: "H-How exactly?"

Lori: "We were just showing her the joys of playing in the snow, but now, she's enjoying it too much after getting so into it. And she won't stop attacking us with snowballs!"

Bobby: "Wow. That does sound like she's out of control."

Lisa: [Opens the door] "On the contrary, I've never felt more in control! Or more alive!"

[Cut to Bobby's room.]

Lisa: [To Bobby] "She'll have to call you back, 'Boo-Boo Bear'."

Lori: [Takes the tablet back] "I love you."

[Lisa shoots Lori with snow, covering the phone's camera, and it shuts off; this makes Bobby uncomfortable.]

Bobby: "I wonder how Jax is going to fix this."

[Lana peeks out of her room and scans the hallways before making a mad dash to the bathroom, desperately holding her bladder. Once she gets in and closes the door, Lisa, who had been hiding in there, activates her Ultra Snowzooka and ambushes Lana offscreen, who sprints out of the bathroom with her overalls down.]

Lana: [Screams] "IS NOTHING SACRED?!"

[Lisa laughs evilly as she chases Lana.]

Jackson: [Somewhere in the house] "Not in this era, Lana!"

[Lincoln and Leni are hiding in the fireplace.]

Lincoln: "I think we're safe in here."

Leni: [Holds a bag of chestnuts] "I brought chestnuts for roasting."

Lisa: [Up the chimney] "YOOHOO!" [Lincoln and Leni look up] "Here's Jack Frost nipping at your nose!"

[Lisa shoots snow down the chimney.]

Lincoln: "Oh, shoot." [The snow covers him and Leni.]

Jackson: [Passes by] "Definitely not hiding in there."

[Lucy is hiding in the vent.]

Lucy: "That maniac will never find me here."

Lynn: [Shows up] "Ah! Mind if I join you?"

Lucy: "It's pretty crowded up here with me and the spirits. But I think there's room next to Great Grandma Harriet."

Lynn: "Phew!" [Sits next to her sister] "Oh, safe at last!" [A giant snowball is rolling towards Lynn and Lucy. They panic and run away from it.] "Move it, Grandma!"

[Snow splatters outside the vent as the Wilhelm Scream is heard.]

Jackson: [Somewhere in the house] "Heh. I guess there's a Wilhelm Loud."

Chapter Text

[Episode begins at the Loud House, a crash is heard.]

Lori: [Screaming] "Ugh! Dang it!"

[In the kitchen, Lincoln and Jackson are taking out the trash when they hear Lori scream; Jackson is recording another vlog.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Sounds like someone got trapped in the bathroom again."

Jackson: "Yeah. Lori."

[Inside the bathroom, a growling Lori, wearing a bathrobe and towel on her head, is holding the doorknob to the bathroom door, which just broke off.]

Lori: "Somebody, let me out! Bobby's coming over to study, and I only have 3 hours to get ready!" [Lori struggles to open the bathroom door when suddenly, she slips and grabs hold of the shower curtain, but it rips off. The pole holding the curtain bonks Lori on the head, making her growl even louder at this string of events.] "THIS HOUSE IS LITERALLY FALLING APART!!!"

Jackson: "Give me a second." [Leaves to help Lori] "I'm-a coming, Lore!"

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Lori's right. With 11 Loud kids, a housemate, 4 pets... and 2 parents who insist on fixing everything themselves, our house is a bit of a... How do I put this nicely? ...disaster."

[Flashback to Lana and Lola brushing their teeth.]​

Lincoln's Voiceover: "You've got the faulty water pressure."​

[Lana puts her mouth under the faucet, and turns the water pressure on, but nothing comes out. Lola is ticked off at Lana's uncouth method of rinsing her mouth.]

Lana: [Leaving the bathroom] "Eh. I'll go borrow some water from Charles' bowl."

Lola: "Try to have a little digni-"

[The increased water pressure from the pipes breaks loose, spewing water onto Lola, and flinging her into the trash can. Flashback to Luna arriving home late at night with her music equipment.]

Lincoln's Voiceover: "And the creaky floorboards."

[As Luna enters the house, she gives a "hang loose" hand gesture and tiptoes over to the staircase. She steps on the first step, making a loud creaking sound. This alerts Lynn Senior, scaring Luna.]

Lynn Sr: "Lori? Leni? Luan? What was that noise?" [Luna gulps]

Lincoln's Voiceover: "Don't forget about the rotting wood."​

[Luna tries to grab hold of the handrail, but the entire staircase breaks apart. As Luna stands back up, Lynn Senior flashes a light at her.]

Lynn Sr: "Luna! What did you do this time?!"

Luna: "Nothing?"

[Flashback to Lincoln adding the finishing touches to a model pirate ship.]

Lincoln's Voiceover: "Then, there's the clunky furnace."

[Lincoln has just added the captain on the ship.]

Lincoln: "Well, Captain. After 13 weeks of careful construction, your ship is finally ready."

[As Lincoln looks on with pride, the furnace begins rattling. As Lincoln holds his model ship in fear, the furnace spews out some soot, covering Lincoln with it and damaging his model ship.]

Jackson: [Arrives] "You okay?" [Lincoln shakes his head]

[Flashback to Lynn Senior adjusting the TV antenna on a windy day.]

Lincoln's Voiceover: "And the crummy TV signal."

[Inside the house, the kids are complaining that the TV is fuzzy again.]

Lincoln: "It's fuzzy again!"

[Rita is outside putting pillows on a trampoline just in case Lynn Senior falls off. A sheet of foil lands on Lynn Senior's face, blinding him. His vest gets caught on the TV antenna, causing him to get tangled in the antenna.]

Lynn Sr: [Panic-stricken] "Something's got me! Rita! Jackson! Get me down!"

[Inside the house, the TV signal is back, as a Peanuts-esque show appears on the screen.]

Luan: "Wait! Wait! That's perfect!"

[As the Loud kids cheer at the signal being back, Lynn Senior falls off the roof, along with the TV antenna, causing the signal to be lost again.]

Loud Kids: "Aww."

Jackson: [Arrives] "Was that a Peanuts knockoff?"

Luna: "Dude, shut up."

[Flashback to a series of moments where doorknobs and door handles broke off.]

Lincoln's Voiceover: "And of course, as you heard earlier, the doorknob situation."

Lisa: [Breaks a doorknob] "Dang it."*

Leni: [Breaks the fridge door handle] "Dang it."

Lynn: [Breaks a doorknob] "Dang it."

Lucy: [Breaks the attic cord] "Dang it."

Lori: [Breaks a doorknob] "Dang it."

Luna: [Breaks the toilet trigger] "Dang it."**

Lincoln: [Breaks a doorknob] "Dang it."

[Jackson, Luan, and the twins pull on the garage door handle while Lily watches, only for the handle to break off.]

Luan, Lana, & Lola: "Dang it." [Jackson facepalms]

[End flashbacks. The boys have just gotten the trash to the curb, where the mailbox is all banged up and patched up.]

Lincoln: [Thinking] "And I feel like there's something I'm leaving out." [The mailbox falls onto his foot.] "YAH! Right. The mailbox."

Jackson: [Puts it back up] "Ridiculous. There wasn't even a breeze!" [Looks around] "Speaking of which..." [He and Lincoln head back inside] "Hey, Lis! Can you check the weather?"

[Cut to Lisa in the backyard with a weather machine and wearing a slicker and hat.]

Lincoln: "So, is the weather pretty severe or something?"

Lisa: "Actually, according to my meteorological instruments, a big storm's a-brewin'. Perhaps, a tornado."

Jackson: [Worried] "Uh-oh."

Lincoln: [Doubtful] "What? No way!"

Jackson: "Hey, don't get too confide-" [A chime is heard from inside, prompting everyone to enter.]

[Cut to the TV with a weather report.]

Patchy: "Patchy Drizzle here with an urgent weather bulletin! A tornado watch has just been issued for the Royal Woods area!" [Everyone except Lisa and Jackson gasps.] "All residents are issued to find shelter as soon as possible and to wait until the whole thing passes!"

Lisa: [Sighs] "Try and keep up, Patchy."

Rita: "Alright, kids, here's the plan: You all need to go down to the basement and only come out when we say so. Your father and I have to secure the TV antenna."

Lynn Sr: "I call trampoline!" [Jackson facepalms]

Chapter Text

Sometime after that tornado escapade, we had a lot of cleaning up to do at the Loud House.

[The Louds are cleaning their tornado-damaged house as Jackson takes a break and sits on one of the camping chairs.]

Lincoln: [Approaches him] You okay?

Jackson: Apart from the tornado nonsense? You do know that we have to clean up the rest of the neighborhood as well, right?

Lincoln: Dad's calling for backup. Why are you concerned? It's what almost everyone does whenever a freak storm hits.

Jackson: I'm not concerned about that. I'm just concerned about... something else entirely. Something about... you.

Lincoln: [Confused] Me?

Jackson: Linc, about what happened with you and Ronnie Anne...

Lincoln: [Groans] This again? I already-

Jackson: Not just the two of you, silly. I'm talking about those boys. The ones who listened to your "rant" about her. The ones who teased you about her. The ones you call "friends".

Lincoln: [Realizes] Oh. I see.

Jackson: They're not your real friends. Clyde's the only one in that group who can be considered a friend. If you're friends with Ronnie Anne, then you can't be friends with those boys if they're teasing you and being rude to her. [Lincoln nods in agreement] Lincoln, you and Clyde need to sever your ties with them, and you boys need to find people who would be nicer to Ronnie Anne.

Lincoln: Okay. I should probably do it now before I forget.

Jackson: No, I'll remind you. Just... help with the mess.

Lincoln: [Sighs] Fine. [Heads back to the house as Jackson gets up]

Jackson: In the meantime, I'm gonna look around the area, just in case backup takes long. [Does so]

Chapter Text

In the wake of the Sister Fight Protocol debacle, the Loud House had returned to its usual bustling state after Lori and Leni resolved their conflict over the identical dresses. However, unbeknownst to the rest of the family, one of the siblings wasn't as lively and was actually dealing with some pretty negative thoughts.

I should know because... I am that sibling.

I sat alone in my room, the weight of recent events pressing heavily on my heart.

Lincoln: "I was just trying to help. Where's the harm in that?"

I was recalling how my attempts to help, or "butt in" as my sisters called it, had only made things worse. The thing that I was struggling with the most was the sense of inadequacy that had overtaken me after I came back from Clyde's house.

"If you had just butted out from the start, we'd have resolved it on our own," the voices of my sisters repeatedly said. "If you had just butted out from the start, we'd have resolved it on our own. If you had just butted out from the start, we'd have resolved it on our own."

These words kept repeating in my head incessantly. That night, I barely fell asleep, still thinking about everything that had happened.

Apart from that, Jackson was away in Detroit. So, he wasn't around to help me at the time of the debacle.

Lincoln: [To himself] "Was my involvement really not needed? That can't be true, right? I've helped my sisters with plenty of issues before. Granted, none of those issues had to do with such a big fight. Then again, I do always help the twins whenever they fight. There was also that one time Lynn and Lucy had a fight. That one took a bit longer to solve, but I ended up helping, right?" [Sighs] "To be fair, Lori and Leni resolved it quicker than I did with Lynn and Lucy. Maybe, they are right. I should butt out."

[The next morning...]

The next day, I decided to stay in my room and focus on my homework. I didn't really want to go out and face my sisters again after everything that had happened previously because I thought they'd be mad at me. Coupled with the thoughts that plagued me the whole of last night, it was probably the right decision to stay in the sanctity of my room.

To my surprise, none of my sisters had come in to ask for help with their various activities, but I was also grateful that I didn't have to face any of them.

[While working, his walkie-talkie crackled.]

Lincoln: "Hm?"

Clyde: [Over the radio] "Come in, Lincoln! Are you there?"

Lincoln: [Flat tone] "I'm here, Clyde."

Clyde: "Lincoln, you feeling okay, buddy? You seem kinda sad."

Lincoln: "Yeah, I'm still sad about the whole Sister Fight Protocol thing. And I'm sad that Jackson wasn't around to get involved."

Clyde: "Why? Your sisters stopped fighting, right? What happened? Did they start fighting again? Are you gonna have to stay at my house again? What if they fight so much that you have to move out? If you move out, then I can never see how Lori's doing, and I'll be separated from the love of my li-"

Lincoln: "Clyde, calm down! You're spiraling again!"

Clyde: "Sorry, buddy. Anyway, what happened? Why are you feeling so sad?"

Lincoln: "It's just… It's kinda stupid. It's nothing… really."

Clyde: "Lincoln, if it's got you so down, it can't be nothing. Plus, you're my best friend. I don't care how small whatever's making you sad is. I want to help."

Lincoln: [Sighs] "Thanks, buddy. I guess I just feel… useless. My sisters said their fight got resolved because I didn't interfere. I'm happy they're not fighting anymore, but it's making me doubt if I'm actually helpful at all. Jackson can handle stuff in a heartbeat, but I can't seem to do anything without his help."

Clyde: "Lincoln, come on, man! Give yourself some credit. You've helped your sisters with their fights before, right? There's no way they don't need your help at all!"

Lincoln: "I usually help the twins whenever they fight, but that's petty squabbles that anyone in the family can help with. I also helped Lynn and Lucy one time, but resolving their fight took longer than it took Lori and Leni to make up. So, it's not like I'm faster or better at helping my sisters."

Clyde: "Dude, you're being too hard on yourself. Trust me, all of your sisters appreciate you and your help."

Lincoln: "I guess you're right, Clyde. Maybe I am being silly about this."

Clyde: "It's alright, Linc. Now, since it's Saturday, wanna head to the arcade and have some fun?"

Lincoln: "I'd love to, Clyde, but I'm still not in the mood to do anything right now. Plus, I've got some homework I've been putting off. So, it's best I get to that. We can meet in the evening or tomorrow."

Clyde: "Alright, buddy. Take care. And uh, I'll try to keep this between you and me. I won't let Jackson know."

As the walkie-talkie switched off, I felt that Clyde could be right, but I wasn't fully convinced. Sometime later, after working on my homework, I decided to head downstairs to grab a snack. On the way, I heard some commotion from the twins' room. Thinking to myself that maybe I'd get his helping mojo back, I opened their door to see what the commotion was about.

Lincoln: "Hey, twins. What's going on? I heard some commotion from outside. Is everything alright?"

Lola: "Oh, hey, Linky. Everything's alright. No need to worry. Lana and I were fighting about how to split some chocolate, and Lisa came in and divided the chocolate equally for us with a new... laser... cutter... thingy that... she invented. I just squealed because this chocolate is so darn good!"

Lana: "Yeah, that laser from Lise was so cool, and it divided the chocolate exactly 50/50. Both parts weighed exactly the same! And I agree, this chocolate is pretty good."

Lisa: [Adjusts her glasses] "Indeed." [Shows the invention in question] "It's my newly designed Precision Food Equalizer 3000. Utilizing advanced laser calibration, it ensures perfect division down to the milligram, eliminating any potential disputes over unequal portions."

Lincoln: [Dejected] "Uh… neat." [Leaves the room.] "Jeez, even Lisa's better at helping than me." [As Lincoln heads downstairs, he pauses at the top of the stairs, hearing yelling from Lynn and Lucy's room. Hoping this might be his chance to help, he decides to investigate. Opening the door, he finds Lucy sitting in her coffin, reading poetry, while Lynn is on her bed watching something on her laptop.] "Everything alright in here? I heard some yelling."

Lynn: [Grumpily] "Oh, hey, Stinkoln. It's nothing, I was just watching basketball, and the Detroit Pistons lost to a buzzer-beater from the Sacramento Kings. I was just mad at the game. I hope Jax gets out before things get rowdy over at Detroit."

Lincoln: [Confused] "Why weren't you watching it on TV? You hardly ever watch games on your laptop."

Lynn: "None of the channels were showing the game for some reason. So, I had to bust this out."

Lincoln: [Dejected] "Alright, guess I'll leave you to it."

Lucy: [Notices her brother's behavior] "Are you okay?" [Lincoln leaves the room.]

Lynn: "He'll be fine."

Lincoln: "Everyone's getting along more, and even when they do fight, someone else helps better than I ever could. Maybe the girls were right. I should butt out permanently." [Heads to the kitchen for a quick snack.]

[Later, after eating, Lincoln heads back upstairs when he notices his sisters standing at Luna and Luan's door. The two teens sounded like they were in the middle of a heated argument.]

Luna: "For the last time, it was an accident, dude!"

Luan: "Doing a stage dive, landing directly on Mister Coconuts, and breaking his arm off is NOT AN ACCIDENT! I can't even understand how you managed to do that!"

Luna: "It's not my fault you left him on the floor carelessly like that!"

I froze, debating whether to intervene, but the decision was made for me when I overheard Lori and Leni talking.

Leni: "Do you think this fight is Sister Fight Protocol big?"

Lori: "Yeah, I think so. If they keep going like this for a few more minutes, we should get everything set up."

Lincoln: "Oh, that's just great. Welp, no need for little old me." [Lucy turns upon hearing her brother as he hurries into his room, packs most of his stuff into a backpack, and makes an announcement as he leaves.] "I'm heading to Clyde's place for a bit."

Lucy: "Uh, sure." [But none of the others seemed to notice. He rolls his eyes at their indifference and heads downstairs.] Mom, Dad, I'm heading over to Clyde's for a bit.

Rita: "Okay, Lincoln."

Lynn Senior: "Just come back ASAP."

[Lincoln nods and bolts out the door.]

Luna: "Why don't we ask Lincoln what he thinks of this? I'm sure he'll explain why it's not my fault."

Luan: "Fine by me. I'm sure he won't dive to your defense." [Laughs] "But seriously, he wouldn't."

Luna: [Notices] "Actually..." [Looks around] "Has anyone seen Lincoln?"

Lynn: "He was just here. I was talking to him earlier."

Lori: "Yeah, I think he said he was literally going to Clyde's place."

Lucy: "He was. I heard him before he darted off."

Luna & Luan: [Bitterly] "Well, that's just great."

[Hours later, Lincoln returns home to find his sisters sitting on the couch with annoyed expressions.]

Lincoln: "Hey, girls, what's up?"

Luna: "Where were you, dude?"

Lincoln: "At Clyde's place, like I said earlier. Were you guys worried or something? I told Mom and Dad before I left."

Luan: "It's not that. Why were you so quick to leave? You were home when we started fighting and then immediately left, according to the others."

Lincoln: "Oh… Well, I saw you two fighting and heard Lori say your fight was probably big enough for the Sister Fight Protocol. So, I took the liberty of eliminating the biggest problem: Me."

Luna: "Dude, Luan and I were looking for you so that you could give us your opinion!"

Lincoln: "Oh."

Lynn: "And what's this about you being the problem?"

Lincoln: "You girls made it clear before. You solve things better without me. I didn't want to make things worse."

Leni: "Linky, don't say that! You're, like, always so helpful!"

"Yeah! You're the best pageant coach ever, and you always help when Lana and I fight."

[The rest of the sisters nod and begin to clamor in agreement, but Lincoln holds up his hand to stop them.]

Lincoln: "Girls, save it. Please. No need to make me feel better. I got the hint. No more butting in. By the way, why are you all sitting on the couch?"

Lana: "Luna and Luan's argument got even more heated after they couldn't find you. So, they started fighting again. Before we knew it, we were all fighting each other. Mom and Dad heard us and said that we have to sit on the couch and get along until dinner. And... think about what you and Jackson would do."

Lincoln: "Jeez, I wasn't even in the house, and I still somehow made things worse. That's gotta be some kind of record." [Heads to his room and slams his door with enough force to make his mood obvious.]

[The sisters exchange guilty looks.]

Lily: [Sits on Lori's lap] "Inky sad?"

Lori: "Yeah, Lily, he literally is."

The girls decided that they would talk to me after dinner, but honestly, I wasn't ready.

[As they all collectively walk up to his room, they hear a soft whimper, almost as if someone was crying. As Lori stepped forward and knocked on the door, some rustling and movement could be heard from inside.]

Lincoln: "Who is it?"

Lori: "It's me, Lori. Lincoln, everyone is here. We want to talk."

[The girls hear what sounds like Lincoln groaning... but he allows them to come in. They all awkwardly shuffle into the room.]

Leni: "We... want to apologize, Linky. We didn't realize how our actions made you feel."

Luna: "Yeah, dude. We should have appreciated your efforts to help."

Lincoln: "This again? Girls, please, it's not that big of a deal. You had a protocol that I didn't adhere to. I made things worse, I left, and you all solved it. The same thing happened today."

Lola: "You think us all being grounded to the couch meant the issue was solved?"

Lincoln: [Bluntly] "At least, you weren't fighting anymore."

Luna: [Places her hand on his shoulder] "Dude, stop thinking you made things worse or caused anything to happen! The protocol isn't some flawless plan. It's got plenty of holes in it. Stop acting like you have to follow it so strictly."

Lincoln: [Crosses his arms and looks away] "Didn't seem like it had any holes to me. It did a better job than I ever could."

Lori: "You thought the protocol made you redundant, since you couldn't help out, huh?" [Lincoln nods, still avoiding their eyes.]

Lynn: "Bro, why didn't you just say something? If the protocol made you feel like that, you could've at least told us."

Lincoln: [Bitterly] "Like that would've helped. And as far as I'm concerned, even if Jackson were here, he wouldn't be much help either. I'm not even considered part of this protocol. Why would my opinion even matter? It would be the same if you asked Mom and Dad or Jackson how they felt about it. Anyway, it doesn't matter at all. You girls clearly don't need my help as much as I thought, or hoped, you would. So, there's nothing I can do."

Lori: [Places her hand on his shoulder.] "Lincoln, listen to me. This protocol is not as important as you are to us, okay? If you have any suggestions, then we'll listen, alright? Heck, after what's happened, we wouldn't blame you if you wanted to remove it completely."

Lincoln: [Finally looks back at his sisters.] "Well, I guess it'd be okay if I could have access to the kitchen, bathroom, and my own room whenever you guys are fighting. I don't think that's too much to ask for, right?"

Sisters: "Nope." [Lily claps her hands in agreement.]

Lincoln: "I mean, personally, I'd prefer if it didn't exist at all. We're a family. Of course, there's gonna be arguments, especially with 11 kids. I don't think it's right that we isolate ourselves like in the protocol. It's counterintuitive when you can just talk it out. For example, Luna and Luan, what were you guys fighting over today?"

Luan: "Oh, uh… Luna broke Mister Coconuts' arm off after she did a stage dive and landed directly on him." [Gives a stink eye to her roommate.]

Luna: "Yeah, but it was her fault for leaving him lying around on the floor like that. And then, she wanted me to pay for it."

Lincoln: "Alright, settle down now. No need to start fighting again. If I were in there, if Jackson was in there, I would've said that compromise is key. Both of you are at fault to some degree. Luna, you should've looked where you were diving. And Luan, Luna's right. You shouldn't leave something as precious to you as Mister Coconuts on the floor like that. I'd have suggested you cover the repair costs 50/50."

Luna and Luan stared at me, shocked at how easily I came up with a solution. Though, for some reason, I took my sisters' silence as a negative, and I started berating myself.

Lincoln: "Ugh! I knew it. Should've just kept my mouth shut. I'm not better than the protoco-"

Luna: "No, Lincoln, your idea is actually pretty great."

Luan: "I don't know how we didn't come up with that. We couldn't have thought of a better idea even if it'd dived on our heads!" [Laughs]

[The siblings groan at Luan's pun but nod in agreement.]

Lincoln: "Hey, whaddya know? Guess I'm not so useless, huh?" [His sisters pull him into a heartfelt group hug.]

Lori: "Lincoln, we're sorry about how the protocol made you feel. You're right. We're a family, and we need to talk and communicate our issues. Which is why I think we can all agree that from now on, the Sister Fight Protocol is no more. And... Well, it's kind of our fault since you weren't included in the sibling meeting where we came up with it in the first place. You being there could've saved us all a lot of trouble."

Lincoln: [Chuckles] "It's okay, guys. I wouldn't have been so sad if I didn't love helping you all so much."

Leni: "Aww, Linky! We love you!"

Lincoln: "Love you all too."

???: "Uh..."

[The siblings are startled by a new voice, and they turn to see...]

Lincoln: "Welcome home, Jax."

Jackson: "Did I miss something?"

Siblings: "Uh..." [They slowly break the hug.] "No."

Lori: "N-Nothing happened while you were gone, Jackson. Everything's fine." [Smiles sheepishly]

Jackson: [Gives off a "Not buying it" look] "Whatever." [Closes the door]

[The siblings give off the kind of frown that Lincoln once gave off in "Get The Message".]

At that moment, we just know that it's only a matter of time before Jackson learns of the Sister Fight Protocol... and that his ex played a role in what happened to me.

Chapter Text

Recently, LS and Rita saved enough money to afford a trip to a resort, and they decided to take the children, including me, with them, because we have promised to behave.

That is until the others started goofing off, and I had to struggle with it.

The kids had one thing to do, and they still blew it.

[Lynn and Lana are at the elevators. Lynn is pressing the down button, and both elevators open up.]

Lynn: "Race you to the bottom!"

Lana: "Oh, it is on!"

[Lynn and Lana enter both elevators and begin to mash all the buttons. As the two elevators descend, Lynn's elevator breaks down and halts to a stop. As Lana laughs at Lynn's misfortune, her elevator breaks down as well.]

Lynn: "Ugh!"

Lana: "What?!"

[Lori, wearing a baby carrier with Lily in it, is impatiently waiting for the elevator to arrive. Jackson shows up looking for Lincoln and Lucy.]

Jackson: "Linc? Luce?"​

Lori: "Ugh! What is taking so long? If I don't get back to the room and get my phone, I could literally die!" 

Jackson: "Oh, quit being overdramatic."

Lori: "Oh, I'm being overdramatic?! You're overdramatic in your own right!" [Groans in frustration] "Let's just take the stairs."

[As Lori and Jackson head to the staircase, Lincoln walks by, holding a ghost scanner.]

Jackson: "There you are!"

Lincoln: "Can't talk right now, Jax. I'm busy with something." [Jackson scoffs and continues walking with Lori]

Lucy: [Appears] "What are you doing?"

[Lucy's sudden appearance causes Lincoln to fall over in shock. He stands himself up.]

Lincoln: ​"Oh, hi, Lucy. I read somewhere that this resort is haunted by the ghost of the Footless Bellboy. They say if you listen carefully, you can still hear his stumps trying to deliver room service."

Lucy: "Whoa. Sign me up."

Fritz: [Responding to a call on his walkie-talkie.] "Both elevators out? I'm on it!"

[Lincoln and Lucy suddenly bump into Fritz, causing Fritz's nametag to fall off.]

Lincoln: "Oh, excuse us."

[Lincoln, Lucy, and Fritz head off. Leni walks by and discovers Fritz's nametag on the floor. She picks it up.]

Leni: "Cute pin!" [She attaches it to her dress.] "Totes matches my dress!"

???: "That's a nametag, Leni."

[Leni turns around to see...]

Leni: "Oh, hey, Whitney. I see you chose this resort as well."

Whitney: "I'm not even gonna ask how you ended up here." [Leni pouts at that.] "So, um... how am I supposed to get to my room with the elevator broken?"

Leni: [Looking at Whitney's high-heeled shoes.] "Ooh, heels and stairs? You should def take a room on the first floor."

Whitney: "Great! Can I get a key?"

Leni: "Uh... Let me check."

[Leni heads behind the counter and gives Whitney a room key.]

Whitney: "Thanks, Len." [Heads off.] "Tell the rest of the fam I said 'Hi'." [Remembers something] "And tell Jackson that I'd like to have a word with him. My little cousin's been yammering about him at the dinner table as of late."

Leni: "Really? Why do you think that is?" [Whitney doesn't answer as she continues on to her assigned room.] "I guess we'll never know." [Glances at the nametag] "Hmm. Maybe, I should keep this up if the real Fritz isn't here." 

[A new guest named Jeffery arrives at the counter.]

Jeffery: "Excuse me, Fritz. I'd also like a different room."

Leni: "Okay!"

[Rita and Lynn Senior, wearing bathrobes, are at the spa. Lynn Senior is ringing the bell on the counter. A worker responds to the bell and comes out.]

Worker: "I'm so sorry, but a private party booked the entire massage facility."

Lynn Sr: [Taking several coins out] "Might this change your mind?" [The change trick doesn't work as the worker just leaves.] "Well, worth a shot." [Rita and Lynn Senior begin to leave.] "I wonder what big-wig is in there."

[In the massaging facility, a bunch of stuffed animals are getting oil rubbed on them. As the camera pans around to show what's going on, the last one to show up is Lola, wearing nothing but a two-piece swimsuit. The worker approaches Lola, squirts some oil onto her hands, and starts rubbing Lola's back. Lola stops her the moment she starts.]

Lola: "Less oil, sweetheart. You're not marinating a chicken."

[Back at the elevator, Fritz is hard at work repairing the elevators. Luan is seen right next to him.]​

Luan: "Elevator repair, huh? Bet that job's got a lot of..." [Imitates pressing buttons] "...ups and downs!" [Realizing something] "Sorry, didn't mean to push your buttons." [Laughs] "Get it?"

Fritz: "Why are you here?"

Luan: "I got bored. Can you blame me?"

Fritz: "I blame you for not thinking of a better idea." [Luan growls at that offense]

[Cut to the pool. Three guys exit the pool as Lisa arrives.]

Man: "Let's go rage!"

Lisa: [Disgusted] "Uck! Looks like I'll have to disinfect the pool. Goodness knows what fungi await me in these waters."

[Lisa pulls out a chemical flask from her tote bag and uses a dropper to get a little bit of the chemical. Suddenly, one of the hotel guests runs by Lisa to grab a pool ring, unknowingly bumping into her, causing her to spill all of said chemical into the pool. The results cause the water to bubble rapidly. Rita and Lynn Senior, in their swimsuits, arrive for a dip.]

Lynn Sr: "Papa Loud in the house!"

[Lynn Senior tosses an inflatable lounge chair into the pool, but Lisa's chemical has made the water highly corrosive, which causes the lounge chair to pop and disintegrate. Lisa, realizing the horror of her mistake, runs away from the scene. She runs by the counter where Leni is.]

Lisa: [Panicking] "Might wanna tell Fritz to close the pool, Leni!"

[Leni is confused as to who just said that. Lisa runs past Fritz and Luan, who are still at the elevators.]

Luan: "If you don't fix this, will they give you the shaft?" [Laughs] "Get it?"

Fritz: [Annoyed] "Please leave."

[Up above, Lori and Jackson are exhausted after climbing so many steps. She opens the door in front of her, expecting it to be the floor of the room where they're staying. However, it turns out to be the roof.]

Lori: "Uh-oh. This isn't our floor." [Jackson facepalms]

[Suddenly, the door behind them closes. He tries to open it, but it's locked, causing her to gasp in horror.]

Jackson: "Brilliant. We're trapped. I have to keep an eye on Lincoln and Lucy."

[Far down below, in the basement of the hotel, Lincoln and Lucy are wandering around.]

Lucy: "I can sense the Footless Bellboy's presence, but he's not going to show himself with all these lights on."

[Lincoln finds the power box.]

Lincoln: "I'm a step ahead of you. But which one of these is for the basement?"

Lucy: "Try them all."

[In a gym, Rita is on an exercise bike, and Lynn Senior is on a treadmill. Suddenly, the power to the gym shuts off, causing Lynn Senior to slam himself against the wall, which in turn causes the building to vibrate slightly.]

Lincoln & Lucy: [Feeling the vibration] "It's him!"

[Rita and Lynn Senior arrive back at their room, limping.]

Lynn Sr: "I think our trip might be cursed."

Rita: "Don't say that. We still have the TV. 267 glorious satellite channels."

[Rita turns the TV on and "The Dream Boat" appears on screen. A second later, the TV goes out, causing Lynn Senior to start crying in despair. Back on the roof, Lori breaks the antenna off of the satellite dish.]

Jackson: "Um..."

Lori: "Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I'm doing something that Lincoln would do if he were up here instead of us. In other words, I'm 'thinkin' like Lincoln'." [She starts running towards the door with it while emitting a battle cry. She rams into the door and successfully breaks it down. She weakly gives a thumbs up, making Lily and Jackson giggle.]

Jackson: "Yep. Like little brother, like big sister."

[Back in the hotel room, Lynn Senior is holding an ice pack on his knee.]

Lynn Sr: "Well, on the bright side, at least, the kids haven't been causing any trouble."

Rita: "That's true. I haven't heard a peep from them all day."

[The room phone begins ringing. Lynn Senior answers it.]

Lynn Sr: "Yello?"

[The caller is revealed to be a sheepish Leni.]

Leni: [Trying to put on an accent] "Mister Loud? We've been getting some complaints about your kids."

Lynn Sr: "My kids?" [Suspicious] "Wait, you sound a lot like my daughter, Leni."

Leni: [Sighs with relent; speaks normally] "And you sound a lot like my dad... Dad."

Chapter Text

For as long as I have known her, Lucy seemed to have no emotions. Because of this, I doubted that she'll ever fall in love with anyone. Granted, she has a "crush" on a fictional character, which is somewhat common, but I'm talking about a crush on a real person. But then, my doubts were dashed when...

[Later, Rusty and Lincoln are finishing their science project. Rocky is seen playing with his baseball. Lucy walks out of the kitchen and sees Rocky.]

Lucy: "Gasp!" [Becomes surprisingly infatuated with Rocky.] "Oh..." [Spills the molasses she is holding.]

[Lincoln, Rusty, and Rocky hear Lucy. However, she disappears, leaving footsteps of molasses leading into the living room.]

Lincoln: "What the...?"

Jackson: [Arrives] "How did this happen?" [The boys just shrug]

[Rocky is playing on his video game portable on the living room couch.]

Lucy: [Sticks her head out of the fireplace.] "Sigh."

[Rocky puts down the game portable upon hearing Lucy. However, Lucy disappears again and Rocky shrugs it off.]

Rocky: [Turns to Lincoln] "I gotta pee."

Lincoln: "Bathroom's upstairs and down the hall to the left." [As Rocky leaves, Jackson arrives with a tool kit]

Rusty: "What are you doing?"

Jackson: "I'm just gonna fix the basement door." [Leaves]

Rusty: [Turns to Lincoln] "What's wrong with your basement door?"

Lincoln: "It's been stiff for as long as anyone could remember."

[As Rocky goes to the bathroom, Lucy hangs upside down from the vent.]

Lucy: "Sigh."

[As Rocky turns around, Lucy has disappeared again.]

Rocky: [Confused] "Hello?"

[Outside, as Rocky plays soccer just to get his mind off what he experienced inside the house, Lucy sticks her head out of Charles' doghouse.]

Lucy: "Sigh."

[As Rocky turns around, Lucy disappeared again and Charles shows up instead as he drags his butt to leave.]

Jackson: [Arrives] "You okay?" [Rocky nods]

[It's revealed that Lucy is back in her room, looking outside the window.]

Lucy: "Sigh." [Cut to Lucy's bedroom] "I know he's not really my type. But he's so..." [Looks out of the window] "What's the word my sisters use? 'Cute'." [Carries Edwin] "Don't worry, Edwin. You'll always be my undead soulmate. But until we're united, it'd be cool to have someone to hang with in our respective worlds." [Edwin just sits there, but Lucy listens to what he could be saying] "You think I should just talk to him?" [Pats Edwin] "I knew you'd understand."

[In the kitchen, Rocky opens the refrigerator door. He spots Lucy's container of fake blood. From that, he takes it out of curiosity, before closing the refrigerator door, revealing Lucy.]

Lucy: "I see you found my blood." [Rocky gets startled, making him jump and throw the container. The fake blood splatters on him.] "It's my new recipe. Beet juice, molasses, and cocoa powder. Hmm." [Pulls Rocky's shirt.] "Now it's got the ooze, but not the splatter." [Holds out her hand.] "Hi, I'm Lucy."

Rocky: [Hesitantly] "R...Rocky."

[Rocky freezes for a moment, before running away out of fear, much to Lucy's disappointment. He later walks out of the bathroom, trying to wipe the fake blood off his shirt.]

Lucy: [Holding one of Lincoln's shirts on a hanger] "Thought you might want a clean shirt." [Rocky stops in surprise] "Just to be clear, it's my brother's." [Rocky backs away as she smiles a little] "I would never wear something so offensively cheerful."

Rocky: [Starts falling down the stairs with a thud] "Ah!" [Lucy frowns at this]

[Rocky gets up, uninjured yet scared, and runs out of the door. Lincoln, Jackson, and Rusty take a peek out of the dining room.]

Rusty: "Was that Rocky?"

Jackson: "Seems like it."

Rusty: "Sorry, Lincoln, you'll have to finish the project." [Opens and closes the door to go after his brother]

Lincoln: [Walks to Lucy, who is sitting on the couch] "What happened?"

Lucy: "I keep trying to talk to Rocky, but every time, he runs away from me." [Curls herself up] "What am I doing wrong?"

Lincoln: "Well, what are you talking to him about?"

Lucy: "The usual stuff. Blood, bruises." [Lucy's bats fly onto her head] "I didn't even get a chance to show him my new embalming kit." [Jackson facepalms]

Lincoln: "You know, maybe, he's just not into that kind of stuff."

Lucy: "Then, what is he into?"

Lincoln: "I don't know him very well, but he just seems like a regular, normal kid."

Lucy: "Regular and normal. Hmm..." [Walks up the stairs with Jackson in tow] "Regular and normal."

[It is nighttime in the house, where Jackson is helping Lucy in preparing herself for another encounter with Rocky... while giving off a smug smile.]

Lucy: [Notices this] "Why are you smiling like that?"

Jackson: [Finishes something] "If I recall a certain situation involving you and Lynn, you said that instead of making up with her, you'd 'rather wear pink'."

Lucy: "Don't start." [Jackson chuckles as she grabs a perfume bottle] "Anyway, let me just apply this perfume." [Does so]

Lori: "Lola!" [Cut to the hallway] "Did you take my Red Riot lipstick again?!"

Lola: [Opens her bedroom door] "No, but someone took my perfume."

Lori: "Don't look at me. I have my own."

Lola: [Turns to the bathroom] "I bet it was Leni!"

Lori: [Turns to the bathroom] "Leni, were you in the twins' room at some point earlier?"

[The door to the bathroom opens, where Leni is seen inside.]

Leni: "Was not! I didn't take anything from anyone! But I'd like to know who took my pink chiffon dress, Lori!"

[Lori, Leni, and Lola start arguing.]

Leni: "Where do you get off?!"

Lori: "Me? You're literally the one always stretching out my sweaters every time you borrow them!"

Leni: "Just fess up!"

Lori: "You fess up!"

Lola: [Approaching them] "You dirty things! That's my scent!"

Lori: "We can do this the hard way, or-"

Leni: "Fess up!"

Lori: "I am not fessing up to anything!"

Lola: "I can't let people associate it with you!"

[A scent enters the hallway, and Lola smells it.]

Lola: [Turns around to stop the argument] "Hang on, I smell my perfume!" [Sniffs up the pink scent leading her to Lynn and Lucy's room.] "LYNN! You'd better not be using my perfume to cover the stink of your hockey pads!"

[The three sisters open the door, prepared to berate Lynn but gasp upon seeing what's really happening]

Leni: "Jackson?!"

Jackson: "Hey."

Lola: "What are you helping Lynn for?!"

Jackson: "Not Lynn." [Points to Lucy] "I'm helping Lucy."

[It pans to show Lucy using Lola's perfume, which she tries to hide, and wearing Lori's lipstick and Leni's dress.]

Lucy: "Uh..."

Lori: [She, Leni, and Lola become curious] "Lucy, what are you doing?"

Lucy: "I-I-I..." [Turns to Jackson] "Can you go first please?"

Jackson: [Shrugs] "Lucy has officially fallen head over heels for someone." [This surprises the three girls]

Leni: "Wh-Who is it?"

Jackson: "Rocky."

Lola: "Who's Rocky?"

Jackson: "Rusty's kid brother."

Lori: "Rusty? You mean, Rusty Spokes, that boy from Lincoln's school?" [Jackson nods] "He didn't mention having a kid brother."

Jackson: "Actually, Lincoln doesn't know much about him either. Earlier today, it was only their second encounter."

Leni: [To Lucy] "And you've become infatuated with him?"

Lucy: "Admittedly, yes. But my first encounter with him failed miserably. He seemed to have no interest in what I usually prefer. So... I thought if I could be more "regular and normal", according to Lincoln that is, Rusty's brother, Rocky, would like me." [Offers the perfume] "Sorry I took your stuff. I understand if you're mad." 

Lori: [Stomps her feet in anger] "You're darn right we're mad!" [Lucy is down... but she and Lola give off smug smiles] "Mad you didn't let us help!" [This confuses Lucy and Jackson... and Leni]

Leni: "Huh?" [Realizes] "I mean...! Yeah, we've been wanting to give you a makeover since, like, birth!"

Lola: [Takes the perfume] "Give me a moment!" [Leaves]

Jackson: "You've been wanting to do something like this to Luce?"

Lori: "Of course! And when Lola started entering pageants, she joined me and Leni without a second thought."

Leni: "And before long, the rest of the girls came to us as well!"

Jackson: "Does Lincoln know?"

Lori: "Oh, he knows, but he's kind enough to let us handle it."

Lucy: "Oh, good grief."

Lola: "I'm back!" [Comes back in with a big cardboard collage of drawings of Lucy dressed up as fashion models] "I've been working on this Lucy vision board for only a couple of years! Until now, it was just a fantasy."

Lori: [Calls her other sisters] "GIRLS! IT'S LITERALLY HAPPENING!" [The others pop out of their rooms] "LUCY'S FINALLY READY!"

[The others excitedly get out their beauty gear.]

Lucy: "Will this hurt?" [Jackson just steps away]

Jackson: "It depends."

Chapter Text

[The episode begins with Lynn Senior and Rita pulling into the driveway. Jackson is napping on the porch.]

Rita: "I am so glad we signed up for those ballroom dance classes."

Lynn Sr: "Me too. One tango lesson, and I am a pro." [Scats as he spins Rita, but she ends up crashing into a shrub, which wakes Jackson up.]

Rita: "Ow! Ow! Thorns!"

Lynn Sr: "Doh! Oh, sorry! Sorry! I'll get the first aid kit!" [Goes to unlock the door, but it is already opened.] "What...?" [To Jackson] "Did you lock the door?"

Jackson: "I did! I locked it w-" [Remembers something] "Oh, right. Leni was the last to come back."

Lynn Sr: [Growls in frustration.] "Those darn kids!" [Bursts inside the house, which attracts the siblings' attention.]

Lincoln: "Uh... Can we help you?"

Jackson: [Enters] "Leni, you forgot to lock the door." [Leni facepalms]

Leni: "My bad."

Lynn Sr: "I have told you guys a million times: you gotta lock the doors at night."

Luna: "Come on, Pops. What's the big whoop?"

Lynn Sr.: "Oh, I'll tell you what the big whoop is, Luna. There've been some burglaries in the neighborhood, and I don't want us to be next. So, please! Just! Lock! The! Dang! Door! It's not that hard!" [He locks the door as he says that and storms off, while Jackson looks around.]

Jackson: "Now, where is that first aid kit?"

Lynn Sr: "Check our backup room. I'll check upstairs." [Heads upstairs]

[Cut back to Rita, who is still stuck outside.]

Rita: "Uh, honey! Jackson?"

[Later, the siblings are in Lori and Leni's room.]

Lincoln: [Concerned] "Listen, guys. Dad and Jackson are right. We need to start acting responsible or we're gonna lose all our stuff."

Luna: [Worried] "I don't wanna lose my ax." [Luna imagines a burglar creeping into Luna and Luan's bedroom window and stealing her guitar. Cut back to reality as Luna clutches her guitar.]

Lana: [Worried] "I don't wanna lose mine either." [Lana imagines the same burglar yanking Lana's axe from a stump and falling over in the process. Cut back to reality as Lana clutches her axe.]

Lucy: [Worried] "I don't want to lose my soulmate." [Lucy imagines the burglar grabbing Edwin's bust from the window. Cut back to reality as Lucy clutches Edwin.]

Luan: [Worried] "And I don't want to lose mine either." [Luan imagines herself with Mister Coconuts until a hand snatches Mister Coconuts from Luan. Cut back to reality as Luan clutches Mister Coconuts.]

Lisa: [Worried] "I don't want to lose my life's work." [Lisa imagines the burglar popping out from a drawer and swiping Lisa's chemistry set into the bag. Cut back to reality as Lisa clutches her chemistry set.]

Leni: [Worried] "I don't want to lose mine either." [Leni imagines her life's work, which appears to be a jacket similar to Jackson's, being swiped by the burglar who is hanging from the ceiling. Cut back to reality as Leni clutches a picture of her and Jackson.] "Jackson would never forgive me."

Lincoln: "Well, if we wanna protect our stuff, locking the door isn't enough. We gotta lock this place down!"

[The sisters cheer in agreement.]

Lily: [Holds her toy keys] "Ga-ga!"

[The next day, Clyde arrives at the Loud House but is stopped by Bobby, who is dressed in his mall cop uniform and riding a Segway.]

Bobby: "State your name and business."

Clyde: "Bobby? What's going on?"

Bobby: "New security measures. Lori asked me to protect Casa Loud. So, come on, Clyde. Pretend we don't know one another. Name and business."

Clyde: "Sure, but... I don't know, man. This part feels pointless."

Bobby: "Do we have a problem here?"

Lori: [From her bedroom window] "It's okay, Boo-Boo Bear. I'll vouch for him. Go ahead, Clyde."

Clyde: [Lovesick] "Thanks, L-L-Lori. She vouched for me." [Breathes into his paper bag as he walks inside.]

[Later, Liam, Rusty, Zach, Artie, and Chad arrive, but as they enter, two foghorns and a siren go off on Liam, causing him to yelp.]

Lisa: [Runs up and switches the alarms off.] "Splendid! My motion sensors are working perfectly."

Liam: "A little warning next time?"

Lisa: "If I warned you, then you would find a way to get past the security system."

[Artie starts to walk up the stairs, but he accidentally sets off a laser beam, which turns the stairs into a slope. He lets out a scream as he tumbles back down and knocks Chad over.]

Lisa: "Excellent. My staircase ramp is also working." [Sets the stairs back to normal, and Liam, Rusty, and Zach head up.] "Now, to check the alligator pit. Looks like you two are gonna be the gator bait for today." [Brings out a remote and smiles deviously at Chad and Artie.]

Chad & Artie: [Alarmed] "Noooooooooo!" [Clyde quickly grabs them and races up the stairs.]

[Lisa gazes at them for a moment... before eerily following them.]

Clyde: [Banging on Lincoln and Jackson's door] "Jax! Linc! Let us in!"

Lisa: "Artie. Chad." [They turn to see Lisa's silhouette approaching.] "I'd like to have a word with you."

Artie: [Bangs on the door] "GUYS! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR!" [Lisa appears.] "NOOOOOOOOOO-" [Jackson's hands stick out, grab Artie and Chad, and pull them in. Clyde then runs inside and slams the door. Lisa frowns at this.]

Lisa: "Bummer." [Leaves] "I'll just use that gator corpse then."

[Lincoln is looking through his blinds when Mollie, Kat, Joy, and Sadie enter the room.]

Mollie: [Salutes] "Commanders Loud and Delaney, Agents Monroe, Hutchins, Vaughan, and Blackwell reporting for duty."

Kat: [Uninterested] "I'm not an agent."

Lincoln: "Welcome to the Command Center, ladies. Anything goes down in Royal Woods, we'll be the first to know about it."

Clyde: "GJ's not coming?"

Joy: "GJ couldn't show up, 'cause..." [Glances at Jackson] "Well, let's face it. She and this big lug are still at odds with one another."

Sadie: [Presents two cups of coffee.] "Coffee?"

Lincoln: "You read my mind." [Lincoln and Sadie drink the coffee, but they both hate the taste and end up spitting it back out all over Mollie and Kat, irritating the latter.]

Rusty: "I'll go get us some juice."

Zach: "And I'll get some napkins."

Woman: [On the police scanner] "Attention, all units! We've got an 11-25 at 7 Mile and Oak."

Chad: "An 11-25? What's that?"

Lincoln: [Reads a police code book] "'Failure to pick up dog poop'."

Jackson: [Reads a Michigan state laws book] "And according to Oakland County law, that's a form of littering."

Artie: [Scoffs] "It's a ridiculous law. This used to be a nice town."

[Later, Lincoln and Jackson exit their bedroom and are surprised to see Lucy taking Edwin into the bathroom and Luna doing the same with her loudspeakers, with Lisa looking on.]

Lincoln: "Uh, what's going on?"

Lisa: "Brother, housemate, if you have valuables to protect, you can store them in the safe room."

Jackson: "Why is the bathroom the safe room?"

Lisa: "Because of the cameras I installed last year."

Lincoln: [Shocked] "You installed cameras?!"

Lisa: [Unconvincingly] "Noooo." [Puts on a devious smile, which indicates she's lying, and walks away.]

Jackson: "And people call me a creep."

Lori: [Walks by] "You are a creep."

Luna: [Exits the bathroom.] "Ignore her, man. I don't think you're a creep. Personally, I think you're just... socially awkward."

Jackson: "Too bad the Roosters and the Hockers think that I'm a violent vandal after what I did to the Hockers' bus and the Roosters' locker room."

Lincoln: "You could've avoided the Roosters from viewing you that way if you hadn't darted out of the stadium to see what really happened between me and those 'ungrateful brats'."

Jackson: "I-I was just looking out for you and Lynn, Lincoln."

Luna: "I don't know. You're methods are becoming debatable ever since the bus thing."

Luan: [Walks into the bathroom with Mister Coconuts] "Back on topic, I think it's the perfect place to dump our stuff." [Laughs] "Get it?"

Mr. Coconuts: "Whoa, Toots! You're leaving me locked in here with Count Creepy?"

Lucy: [Sighs] "Please, Edwin is the one who should be complaining."

Lincoln: [Unsure] "Okay."

Lynn: [Offscreen] "It's the burglar!"

[Lincoln, alarmed by this, pulls Jackson and Luna along and rushes to Lynn and Lucy's bedroom, only to find Lynn, Leni, and an uninterested Lola dressed in karate outfits and a dummy made to look like a burglar.]

Luna: "Oh. Just a simulation."

Lynn: "Leni, what's your first move?"

Leni: [Flirting with the dummy] "Hey! So, like, how long have you been burgling?"

Lynn: [Annoyed] "What are you doing?"

Leni: "Breaking the ice. He's cute." [Takes a selfie with the dummy.]

Lynn: [Groans] "Okay. Lola, pretend this burglar just stole your tiaras."

[Upon hearing this, Lola suddenly becomes interested.]

Lola: "Hey! Drop them!" [Lincoln, Jackson, and Luna cheekily smile at each other, and Luna stomps on the floor to simulate the burglar running.]

Lincoln: "He's making a run for it!"

Jackson: "I don't think he's gonna listen, Lola!"

Lola: "I'll stop him!" [Roars angrily and attacks the dummy, much to Lynn's satisfaction.]

Leni: [As her expression changes] "Lola! I think he liked me!"

[Lincoln and Jackson are in the kitchen when a hooded figure tries to break in through the window.]

Lincoln: [Gasps] "The burglar!" [Grabs a banana to use as a weapon while Jackson goes for his pistol, but the hooded figure is revealed to be Lana.]

Lana: "Chill, banana boys! I'm training Charles to be a vicious guard dog!" [Imitating a burglar] "I'm the burglar!" [Normal tone] "Attack, boy!" [But Charles just lies there and yawns. So, Lana grabs a handful of his dog food.] "Look, I-I'm stealing your food!" [Eats the food, but Charles lies on his back and falls asleep; frustrated.] "Ugh! Charles!" [Tastes something] "Mmm! What is this? Chipped beef?" [Continues to eat Charles' food while Lincoln and Jackson just stare awkwardly at one another.]

[That night, Lynn Senior and Rita are going to dance class again.]

Bobby: "Enjoy your outing, you two."

Rita: "Thanks, Bobby."

Lynn Sr: "Got my dancing shoes on and I am ready to get down and get back up again." [Does a dance when Bobby comes.]

Bobby: "Wait. Sorry. I need to show you a list of the new security measures that your kids implemented." [Holds up a sheet of paper explaining the new measures.]

Lynn Sr: "You hear that, honey? New security measures. I think I've really gotten through to the kids. Thank you, Bobby."

Bobby: "Before you go dancing, I really do need your names and business when you get back."

Rita: "Bobby, you don't need to do that with the owners of the property."

Bobby: [Facepalms] "Dang it! I gotta remember that."

[Later, Lincoln, Jackson, and their team are asleep when a voice on the scanner wakes them up.]

Woman: [On the police scanner] "Attention, all units! We've got a 10-15 at 8 Mile and Lindbrook."

Clyde: [Horrified] "10:15? Oh, no! I missed my curfew!"

Lincoln: "No, Clyde, that's a code." [Reads the book and gasps in excitement before coming out of his room.] "'Suspect in custody'!"

Jackson: [Heads outside] "You guys! They caught the burglar!"

[All the sisters, except Leni, cheer in delight.]

Leni: [Looks at her smartphone] "Oh, Donny, we should have run off to Mexico while we had the chance!"

[Later, Lynn Senior and Rita return from dance class. Jackson is napping on the porch.]

Lynn Sr: "I tell you, honey. One lesson in the hustle, and I am a pro." [Scats as he spins Rita, but she ends up falling over and getting covered in mud.]

Rita: "Ow. Why don't you hustle in and get me a towel?"

Lynn Sr: "R-Right!" [Goes to unlock the door but once again finds it is already opened.] "Aww, come on!"

Jackson: [Wakes up] "Huh?" [Notices the door.] "The door's unlocked again?!"

[The siblings are removing their belongings from the bathroom.]

Mr. Coconuts: "Eddie, baby, call me! We'll do lunch. What? He's spooky, but he's got a heart of porcelain."

Lynn Sr: "Guys, I just found the door wide open! What gives?!"

Lincoln: "Oh, we're sorry, Dad. But we don't have to worry anymore. They caught the burglar!"

Lynn Sr: "That's... peachy, son, but there could be... other burglars out there."

Lisa: "Actually, Father, based on Royal Woods' crime rates per capita, that is statistically unlikely."

Lincoln: "Yeah, I've been listening to the scanner all day, and the 'worst' crime I've heard about is someone not picking up their dog poop."

Lana: [Excitedly] "Where? I'll pick it up!"

Lynn Sr. "But kids..." [The siblings just walk off, telling their father not to worry; annoyed.] "Why does nobody listen to me?!" [Gets an idea... and smirks]

[He goes to lock the door and walks away.]

Jackson: "What?"

[Cut back to Rita, who is still stuck outside.]

Rita: "Uh, honey?" [Jackson hears her and goes upstairs to get a towel.]

[The next night]

Lynn Sr: "Off to dance class, kids! Please, keep the door locked while we're gone."

[The kids just murmur that they'll do that. Lynn Senior sighs as he and Rita leave. Just seconds after they've gone...]

Mr. Grouse: [Offscreen] "Help! Help! I've been robbed!"

[Upon hearing this, the siblings quickly rush next door.]

Lincoln: "Mister Grouse, what happened?"

Mr. Grouse: [Distraught] "They cleaned me out! My polka records! My black and white TV! My encyclopedias! All gone!" [Walks back inside and closes the door.]

Lori: "I literally don't know why he has any of those things."

Lucy: "Dad was right. There are other burglars."

Twins: [Worried] "And our house could be next!"

Lincoln: [Determined] "Not if we have anything to say about it!"

[The siblings place their belongings back into the bathroom. Luan brings in Mister Coconuts.]

Mr. Coconuts: "Eddie, baby! I bought my Pinochle deck!" [Mister Coconuts tosses a deck of cards in the air but is horrified to see them scatter on the floor.]

Leni: [Holding a bottle of perfume] "You guys! I found a deadly spray to use against the burglar. See? 'Fatal Encounter'."

Lori: "Leni, that's a perfume sample."

Lisa: "Siblings, I'm enhancing my security system. I need a retina scan." [Scans Lori and Leni's retinas before holding two plastic containers.] "I also need a stool sample."

Lori: [Suspiciously] "For your security system?"

Lisa: "Uh... sure, that's it!" [Gives another devious smile.]

Leni: "Still think Jackson's a creep?"

Lori: "Don't start."

[In the kitchen, Lincoln, Jackson, and their team are filling a vat with hot bacon grease.]

Lincoln: "'Operation Grease Release' is a-go! Let's get this baby upstairs."

Clyde: "What do we do with all the bacon?" [The camera reveals a stack of bacon on the table.]

Lincoln: "That's a high-class problem to have, my friend."

[Just as the team leaves with the vat, Charles runs into the kitchen with Lana chasing after him.]

Lana: "Charles!"

[Suddenly, Charles spots the bacon and starts eating it.]

Lana: "You're supposed to chomp burglar butts, not bacon!" [Groans] "I should have trained Cliff."

Jackson: "Cliff listens to me."

[Lola has set up a spotlight to monitor the house whilst Lucy and Lily dig a ditch, Luna places barbed wire around the ditch, and Luan places several mousetraps offscreen.]

Luan: "These will put a ro-dent in the burglar's plan." [Laughs] "Get it? They're mousetraps."

[Lucy and Lily just look annoyed.]

Luna: [Annoyed] "Really, dude?"

Luan: "I know what I'm doing." [Gets caught by a mousetrap offscreen.] "Ow!"

[Bobby is patrolling the area when Lynn and her Roller Derby team roll up.]

Lynn: "Hey, Bobby, my roller derby team is gonna help you patrol."

Bobby: "Hmm. Do they have any policing experience?"

Lynn: "No, but they can do this."

[Two of her teammates then proceed to biff into Bobby, who falls over.]

Bobby: [Laughing and groaning] "I'm already liking them! You're hired!"

[Later, Lynn Senior and Rita return and are shocked to see the now fortified house. Lola shines a spotlight on them, but she recognizes them, and the gate opens to let them in. Just as Lynn Senior and Rita get out of the van, Bobby and Lisa, who is also dressed in police attire, come up to them.]

Lisa: "Good evening, parental units! We are going to need to conduct a routine body search."

Rita: [Shocked] "What in the world is going on?!"

Lynn: "Mister Grouse got robbed! We had to beef up security!"

Lola: "We used your credit card."

Lynn Sr: "Oy. Kids, I'm glad you're taking this seriously, but you may have gone a little overboard."

Rita: [Being scanned by Lisa and feeling annoyed] "A little?"

Lynn Sr: "We don't need all this security. If we just lock the doors and windows, we'll be fine. Now, everyone to bed!" [To Bobby and the roller derby team] "And you're dismissed."

Jackson: "He's right. Let's just go to sleep for now."

[The siblings, Bobby, and the roller derby team leave.]

Lisa: "I'm still gonna need those stool samples."

Jackson: "Go to sleep, Lis!"

[Later, a shadowy figure creeps out of the Loud House from the kitchen, runs past the barricade, and comes up to Mister Grouse's house. The figure is revealed to be Lynn Senior holding a basket. Lynn Senior knocks on the door, and Mister Grouse answers.]

Lynn Sr: "Thanks for pretending to be robbed. I think my kids really learned their lesson." [Hands Mister Grouse the basket.]

Mr. Grouse: "I would have scared them for free, but I'll gladly take your muffins. Though I will say, you could've let your housemate in on this as well." [Closes the door.]

Lynn Sr: "Eh, Jackson's priority is watching the kids, not doing this kind of nonsense just to scare them."

[Lynn Senior runs back to the Loud House. In the kitchen, Leni, who is now in her nightgown, is getting a glass of water when she hears something. She goes to inspect, but she finds nothing. So, she closes the door.]

Leni: [Locks the door.] "Lock! Dad would be so proud." [Goes to bed.]

[Lynn Senior tries to get back inside but groans in frustration as he realizes the door is locked. He then steps onto a tricycle in an attempt to open the window. He struggles for a bit before yelping as he falls over. The noise attracts Lincoln, who looks outside his window but thinks his dad is a burglar due to his outfit.]

Lincoln: [Gasps in horror and pulls a string which sets off bells in the other bedrooms, thus waking up the sisters, Jackson, and Rita. A police badge transition occurs with the scene shifting to the sisters standing outside Lincoln's room.] "Battle stations, guys! We've got a burglar on the premises!"

[The sisters gasp in horror.]

Jackson: "Another one?!"

Lori: [Panicking] "Oh, my gosh! What do we do? He's gonna take all our stuff!"

Lola: [Slaps Lori with her glove] "Get it together, woman!"

Lori: "Thanks. I needed that." [Expression changes] "But I'll get you back."

[The siblings and Jackson waste no time in rushing off to set off their traps, but Lana looks at Charles, who is just lying there.]

Lana: [Sarcastically] "Don't trouble yourself or anything, Charles. I'll just get Cliff and Walt."

[Lana walks off, leaving Charles to whimper. Meanwhile, Lynn Senior tries to get back into the house via the basement, but Luan blows an air horn, which startles him and gets him covered in Luan's mousetraps, making him yelp "Ow!" a lot. Lincoln and Lynn are holding the vat of bacon grease from Luna and Luan's window.]

Lincoln: "Eat hot bacon grease!"

[As the vat is tipped, the grease is revealed to have been congealed and Lynn Senior's head is stuck inside.]

Lincoln: "Make that congealed bacon grease!"

[As Lynn Senior gets up, Lola shines a spotlight on him. Lynn Senior backs away but falls into the ditch. Bobby and the Roller Derby team approach him.]

Bobby: "Keep a tight formation, ladies! This is what we trained for!"

Girls: "You got it, Bobby!"

[The Roller Derby team then attacks Lynn Senior just as the Loud siblings, Jackson, and Rita run up.]

Jackson: [He and Rita notice something.] "Hold on. Isn't that...?"

Rita: "Wait! Wait! Jax and I recognize those dancing shoes! Off! Off!"

[The Roller Derby team stops attacking Lynn Senior, and Rita helps him out of the ditch.]

Siblings: [Surprised] "DAD?!"

Jackson: "LS?"

Lynn Sr: [Nervously] "I... was just taking a walk and I got locked out."

Jackson: "Dressed in a hoodie?"

Lynn Sr: "It's always cold at night."

[The siblings apologize to Lynn Senior for attacking him.]

Mr. Grouse: [Offscreen] "Hey, Loud!" [The camera pans over to Mister Grouse's window, and his face is incredibly swollen.] "These muffins got walnuts in them! Next time you want to pay me off for pretending to be robbed, how about giving me something I'm not allergic to?"

Lynn Sr: "My bad!"

Lincoln: "Pretending to be robbed?!"

Siblings: "Dad!" / "Our own father." / "You lied to us?" / "Bogus move, Dad." / "That's not funny."/ [The siblings and Rita angrily scold Lynn Senior for lying.]

Jackson: [Shoves everyone out of the way.] "Why would you do this?! What were you thinking?!"

Lynn Sr: [Sighs] "I'm sorry, everyone. I was just trying to teach you to lock the dang door. I just want to protect my most important valuables: You guys."

Jackson: "Us?"

Siblings & Rita: "Awwww!" [They all hug Lynn Senior in forgiveness.]

Siblings: "Okay, Dad, we'll lock the door." / "You're the greatest." / "Love you."

[Suddenly, Charles spots two rashers of bacon on Lynn Senior's behind and charges. Everyone, except Lynn Senior, gets out of the way.]

Lynn Sr: [As Charles bites him offscreen] "OUCH!"

Lana: [Satisfied but with annoyed tone] "Finally!"

Jackson: "Bad dog!"

Chapter Text

The family's darkest hour.

I can barely remember what happened. I was in a crash of sorts. I don't remember every single detail, but I do know the gist of this disaster.

It started with Lynn Junior, who threatened Lincoln to tag along with her to a game. And when she lost, she lashed out at him.

Then, there was Lincoln himself, who took advantage of this and lied to everyone but me that he was bad luck... only for the lie to spiral out of control, leading to the family kicking him out. And at school, a support group for Lincoln was made after he told them what he had done. He was only let back in just because they strictly made him wear a squirrel costume.

Miraculously, he proved to them that he had been lying the whole time by "repaying evil with good". I don't know how he did it, but I was glad that he somehow turned everything around. They all apologized to one another, and everything was forgiven.

Well, almost everything.

The one sibling that Lincoln didn't forgive... was Lucy, who revealed that she was the only person who didn't fall for his lie, but the real kicker was that when everything got out of hand, she just stood by and did nothing to save him. He felt betrayed and blamed her for sitting on the sidelines. Then, he brought up the other incidents. The toilet getting clogged, the Sister Fight Protocol... and now, this.

In short, he disowned his immediate little sister.

Eventually, it got to the point where... the family decided to... do the same thing they did to Lincoln.

Lucy was now the one kicked out.

They left her with another family, who seemed to be regular and normal on the outside.

But then, one day, I saw what the father of the family was truly like.

So, I... got involved. I don't remember what happened that time, but it was confirmed that he won't be bothering anyone anymore.

But Lucy... Lucy ran off when it happened.

When I got home, I told everyone what happened that time... and what I did. When Lincoln showed up, I... did something that I never thought I'd ever do.

I slapped him.

But I knew it was justified.

It was for lying to his family about being bad luck.

It was for bragging about the lie in front of me.

But above all, it was for his stupid grudge against Lucy.

So, I gathered the family's friends to go out and look for Lucy.

For nearly a month and a half, we searched all over the county for her, unaware that she had been sleeping at a homeless community.

Then, one day, she resurfaced...

...on a talk show. A talk show that was purposely designed to chew out anyone who dared to step in. For the whole episode, she just sat there and let the host chew her out for all that she had done to Lincoln.

It only made us disgusted, not just with the host, but with how Lucy was letting herself get beaten.

But then, it happened.

Somehow, word about it got to Lincoln, who had finally started to see what he had caused. He began looking over some old family photos, trying to remind himself that his family wasn't to blame for what led to this.

Then, he saw it.

An old photo of when they were little. A photo of 5-year-old Lincoln with 2-year-old Lucy.

Lincoln didn't have any favorites, but he always considered Lucy (and Luna) to be the closest.

Upon seeing this picture... he let out his biggest cry, screaming for Lucy, apologizing for ignoring her, begging for her forgiveness, regretting everything that led to this mess. It took some time, but Rita managed to calm him down, relieved that her son was finally seeing the error of his actions.

And from there, the Louds decided to join in the search for Lucy.

It was mostly the sisters helping in the search, as LS and Rita were pulling some strings to have Lucy back in the family, while Lincoln bravely went straight to the talk show and gave everyone a taste of their own medicine on live TV.

Eventually, Clyde, Ronnie Anne, Haiku, and I found Lucy. At first, she didn't want to go back as she claimed that she deserved this, but Clyde did the same thing I did to Lincoln. He slapped her, and I told her that she didn't deserve any of what was being thrown at her. I told her to grab her belongings and get in my car, and we were gonna take her back to her real home.

Suddenly, as we made our way back, we were attacked, and Haiku was kidnapped.

It turned out that our actions had somehow attracted the attention of a human trafficking ring that specialized in "kids with strange attributes", and Lucy, being a goth kid with unusually pale skin, had fit the description, but they mistook Haiku for her.

So, we regrouped with the family and our friends, including Lincoln's support group, and we banded together to rescue Haiku.

We tracked the ring to a disused dockyard at Benton Harbor, and the moment we stepped in, things got hectic, but we were ready. We tore through those freaks until it was us and the head honcho, but he was prepared himself. He had this... armor that made him feel like a superhuman, and it was difficult for us to take him down.

But... I had my ways.

Ronnie Anne, Bobby, and I found a semi truck and drove it at that psycho. Ronnie Anne and Bobby were uncomfortable with what I was up to and jumped out, but I didn't stop. I had to rescue Haiku.

Before I knew it... I did.

Lucy pulled her best friend to safety while I plowed through the head honcho before jumping out as it crashed into a cargo ship and exploded.

In the aftermath, the police arrived to clean up the mess, and we were praised for what we did. And slowly yet surely, our lives were going back to the way they were.

There was just one thing left to do now.

[The Louds are out on a camping trip in a forest. Luna, Luan, Lana, and Lily play around the campsite while Lori, Leni, Lola, Lisa, Rita, and Lynn Senior simply look around, admiring the nature around them. Back at the tents, Lincoln, Jackson, Lynn, and Lucy have gathered around the campfire; Jackson has a folder of papers in his hand.]

Lincoln: Is that all of it?

Jackson: Yeah, this is everything.

Lynn: It better be.

Lucy: So, what is this gathering about?

Jackson: Well, Lucy, it's kind of simple when you think about it. What Lincoln did was crazy enough, but what happened afterward undoubtedly gave us quite the rush. From that wretched man, to the talk show, to the human trafficking ring... Everything about it, we can't undo, but the next best thing is to erase this folder, which contains everything that led up to those events. And with it gone, we might be able to finally move on from it all. So, are you guys okay with it?

Lincoln: Anything to finally close what I had unwittingly unleashed.

Lynn: You mean, what I had unwittingly unleashed.

Lucy: That doesn't matter now. I would also like to move on, Jackson. These are dark memories that I just want to erase forever.

Jackson: My thoughts exactly. [Drops the folder into the campfire, incinerating it.] Let's go walk around.

[The four then get up and leave to do so.]

Chapter Text

[It's a Wednesday night at the Loud House.]

Lynn Sr: "Dinner's ready! Come and get it!"

[The sisters quickly rush out of their rooms and excitedly head downstairs. As they head down the stairs, Lincoln and Jackson peek their heads out of their room. They are currently recording another video.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Yeah. So, this never happens. Dad cooks all our dinners, and he's not a bad cook, but his repertoire is kind of limited." [The boys enter their room and pull down a calendar. As he lists off the dishes mentioned, Jackson holds up different stickers of said dish in front of the calendar and places them on their respective dates.] "You've got Salisbury Sundays, Meatball Mondays, Turkey Tuesdays, Wiener Wednesdays, Goulash Thursdays, Fish Fridays, and Succotash Saturdays." [The seven mentioned dishes then cover every week on the calendar.]

Jackson: "Then, it all repeats, week after week after week. And it eventually builds up to the point where we're fueled by greed, wanting something different for a change. [Realizes something] "Heh. Or should I say... 'grueled by feed'?"

Lincoln: [Gives off a "Really?" look before turning back to the recording.] "Now, if you'll excuse us, Jax and I have to go choke down some..."

[Cut to a rather sloppily-made wiener schnitzel dish.]

Lynn Sr: "...wiener schnitzel. Not to brag, but this tastes exactly like last Wednesday's, and I've got this recipe dialed in!" [Heads back into the kitchen]

Jackson: "I doubt it, LS."

[Lincoln pulls out a coin attached to a string and begins swinging it side to side in front of his face.]

Lola: "What are you doing?"

Lincoln: "Self-hypnosis. Maybe, it can make my dang self believe the wiener schnitzel tastes like ice cream."

Lola: [Trying to steal Lincoln's coin] "Oh, I want ice cream! Move! I wanna try!"

Lincoln: [Struggling to get his coin back] "Come up with your own coping mechanism!"

[As Lincoln and Lola fight for the coin, they accidentally knock the wiener schnitzel off the table. As it begins hurling towards the floor, Lynn Senior notices it falling and dives towards it to catch it.]

Lynn Sr: "No! No, no, no, no, no!" [The siblings look at their father, who has just saved the wiener schnitzel in time.] "Whew! That was close. I almost had to order us pizza." [Chuckles]

[Lynn Senior leaves the scene. As the sisters sit back down, Lincoln suddenly has a realization.]

[In the bathroom, the sisters are getting ready for bed.]

Leni: "You guys, I need an outfit for dinner tomorrow." [Holds up a purple dress] "Does this print go with goulash?"

Lincoln: [Comes in with Jackson] "It doesn't matter, 'cause we're not having goulash tomorrow."

Lori: "Yes, we are, boys. We have it every Thursday, and there's literally nothing we can do about it."

Lucy: "She's right. It's all in my poem." [Takes out poem] "'Dinner. The same seven meals. How do you cope? The only plan is to give up hope. Dinner'."

[The other sisters agree.]

Leni: "So true."

Luan: "Say it, sister!"

Lisa: "Wise words."

Lincoln: "Fine. I guess no one wants... pizza~."

[The sisters gasp and Lana pops out of the back of the toilet in scuba gear.]

Lana: "Did someone say 'pizza'?"

Lincoln: "When the schnitzel fell off the table, Dad said he almost had to order pizza. So, if we sabotage tomorrow's dinner, that's what we'll get. Now, huddle up." [Lana hops out of the toilet which disgusts him and his sisters.] "Lana, why don't you rinse off first?"

Jackson: "You always come at a bad time!"

[The next day, Lynn Senior comes home from the supermarket with groceries.]

Lynn Sr.: "♫I just came back from the grocery store, gonna get my goulash on / Noodles, tomatoes, meat galore, gonna get my goulash-♫"

Lincoln: [Feigning curiosity] "Hey, Dad! There's something I've always wondered about. Why do you make goulash on Thursdays?"

Lynn Sr: [Laughs] "Oh, son. It's a funny story. Thursdays are a bit of a conundrum. Not many foods start with 'TH'." [While he's not looking, Lisa uses a drone to grab the meat and Lana uses her fishing rod to snatch the noodles.] "There's Thai food, but coconut milk really does a number on the old Lynn-testines, if you know what I'm saying." [Lynn swoops in and grabs the tomatoes, and Luna cuts a hole in the bag to drop an onion and put it in Lily's diaper.] "And three-bean salad; well, that's just three times as bad, right? Then, there's this Greek dish called Thessalonikian sheep dip, but your mother finds it a little gamey."

Jackson: [Entering] "Gamey, huh?"

Lincoln: [Seeing his sisters having done their parts] "You're right. That is a funny story. Gotta go!" [Leaves]

Lynn Sr: "But son, I didn't tell you about threatened-species stir fry yet! It's very rare! Get it?" [To Jackson] "You wanna hear it?"

Jackson: "Uh... I've got stuff to do in my room." [Opens the drawer and grabs a fruit snack bag.] "I just came in here for this." [Leaves]

Lynn Sr: "Hm. He's being weirder than he usually is."

[Inside the breadbox, a fake bread camera is filming Lynn Senior's actions, and the kids check it out via laptop in Lori and Leni's room.]

Lynn Sr: [On the feed] "Then again, I can't blame him. First, it was the toilet problem. Then, there was the aftermath of the peewee football thing... which was completely unnecessary since he darted out before he could see what really happened. Then, there was the Sister Fight Protocol. And we're all still recovering from what led to Haiku getting kidnapped." [Remembers something as Lincoln and Jackson enter] "Speaking of which, we should probably check on her."

Lincoln: "Good work, team! If my calculations are correct, Dad should be ordering pizza in..." [Checks watch] "...T minus 15 seconds."

[Lynn Senior checks his groceries only to find an orange inside.]

Lynn Sr: [Confused] "An orange? Where's all my goulash stuff? I know I bought it, 'cause I was singing about it! Dang it!" [sighs] "I guess I'll have to..."

Lincoln: "3, 2, 1."

Lynn Sr.: "...go back to the store!" [Heads back to Vanzilla]

Sisters: [Disappointed] "Aw."

Lisa: "I knew I should've chloroformed him. Unconscious people can't make goulash."

Jackson: "That wouldn't do anything."

Lana: [Holding up the rivets to the car's steering wheel] "Don't worry. Dad's not going anywhere."

[Cut to Vanzilla. The steering wheel comes off.]

Lynn Sr: "Gah! Well, my horoscope did say Libras should expect the unexpected today." [Goes back inside] "Bad news, kids. I gotta put the kibosh on tonight's goulash."

Kids: [Feigning disappointment] "Aw."

Luan: "What a shame."

Lynn: "Too bad."

Lori: "I need to take a moment."

Lynn Sr: "But fortunately, your old dad's got a backup plan."

Lola: "I'll get the phone, Daddy!" [Goes to do so.] "Pizza!"

Lynn Sr: [Pulls her back.] "Hold on. I'm... making tomorrow's dinner tonight! Frank and beans on Friday have been temporarily moved to Thursday. In your face, horoscope!" [Leaves]

Lisa: "I'll get the chloroform." [Jackson blocks her.]

Jackson: "Don't."

[Lynn Senior gets the beans out of the pantry]

Lynn Sr: "♫Franks and beans / Doo doo doo / Franks, yeah, yeah, / And beans and beans / And beans, and beans beans beans!♫"

[Lincoln pops his head in with headphones.]

Lincoln: "Big Cheese to Toppings. Target is in position. Move out."

Luan: [Grabs the speaker.] "Be careful, guys. There's not mushroom for error." [Laughs]

Lincoln: "Luan, this line is not for jokes!"

[Lynn tosses her boomerang into the kitchen and snatches a can of beans. Lana has Hops grab another can with his tongue. Lisa pulls in the last one with a magnet, also snagging Lynn Senior's belt, causing his pants to fall down.]

Lynn Sr: [Taking notice] "My baked beans! What is happening? I guess there's only one thing to do." [Lincoln calls the pizza place on speed dial]

Lincoln: [Runs in] "I'll get the pizza, da-"

Lynn Sr: "Make franks and lima beans!" [Lincoln leaves. The kids groan at their dad's determination. Lynn Senior picks his pants up and heads upstairs to get another belt. He then goes back into the kitchen and checks the drawers for the can opener but can't find it.] "Where the heck is our can opener?" [Luan sneaks it out, but Lynn Senior spots Geo and pulls him out of his hamster ball, before resorting to opening cans with Geo's teeth.] "Ah, thank you, Geo. Nothing like a little Lynn-genuity." [Luan shakes her fist in rage, but Jackson pulls her away.]

Jackson: "Get your butt over here!" [Later, Lynn Senior is looking for the knives.]

Lynn Sr: "Where are the dang knives?" [Holds up packets of wieners] "I've got 20 hot dogs to slice!" [Lori sneaks the knives away, but Lynn Senior thinks of something.] "Maybe, I can use that combat knife that Jackson got from his da-" [Remembers something.] "Actually, no. Last time I borrowed something from him, I misplaced it." [Instead, he resorts to cutting the franks with ice skates, with Leni as a spectator at the smaller circle table.] "What do ya think, Leni?" [Leni gives his performance a perfect 10; Lincoln smacks the score card out of her hands with Lynn Junior's boomerang.] "Lincoln!" [Later, Lynn Senior is about to put the chopped franks into the pot, but he finds some unexpected guests inside said pot.] "Ah! Pot raccoons!" [Runs off as the raccoons chase him. Later, he is now with the Franks in a casserole dish.] "No problem. We'll do a casserole." [He tries to open the oven, but the handle gets stuck and breaks off. He then sees Luna holding a bottle of glue, showing that it was her doing.] "Really?! Did Luan teach you that?!" [Now, Lynn Senior grumpily puts the ingredients in a coffee pot.] "I'll just heat 'er up in the old coffee pot. That's using the old bean." [Just as he turns the coffee pot on, Lola tugs on the power line with her jeep hooked to it and shuts off the power to the house.] "Dang it." [Cut back to inside] "Jackson, could you come down here and whack me in the face with your baton?"

Jackson: [Arrives with a flashlight.] "Why?"

Lynn Sr: "All of these strange occurrences are affecting my cooking, and I don't know why it's happening!"

Jackson: [Feigning concern] "Bummer. Well, I'd love to fulfil your request, but... I've gotta go out on my vigilante run. So..."

Lynn Sr: "Oh, never mind. I'll figure out something for dinner."

Jackson: [Leaves] "Don't let me get in your way." [Walks by the living room, where the siblings have gathered]

Lincoln: "I'm proud of you guys. It was touch-and-go for a while, but we all hung in there, and-"

Lynn Sr: "Dinner's served!" [Resumes singing] "♫Franks, franks and beans, they're lima / Franks and beans!♫"

Kids: [Flabbergasted] "WHAT?!" [They all head into the dining room as Lynn Senior does the same.]

Lynn Sr: "It's not exactly hot, but I'd rather eat cold beans than a plate of failure."

[As a last-ditch effort, Lily nonchalantly tosses her rattle right on the floor, making Lynn Senior trip over it and drop the dish, which the raccoons quickly devour.]

Lynn Sr: [Defeated] "There goes all of that hard work. Someone get me the phone."

[The kids smile. Later, the pizza arrives, and they place three boxes of pizza on the table.]

Lincoln: "Yes! Pizza!"

[Lincoln takes a bite, and they all cheer.]

Lucy: [Revising her poem] "'Dinner. Goulash again? That's a nope. A bite of pizza; it tastes like hope. Dinner'." [Sheds a pizza-shaped teardrop of happiness]

[Later, after dinner, Jackson arrives as Lynn Senior and Rita come down the stairs in their bathrobes.]

Lynn Sr: [Still deflated] "Did you have a nice dinner during your vigilante run?"

Jackson: "Well, I caught a milk money bandit and hung out with a cop who was in the area."

Rita: "We'll take that as a 'Yes'. My husband here has been bummed out ever since Lily dropped her rattle and made her father trip and drop the dinner." [Lynn Senior approaches his sleeping slippers, sobbing dramatically]

Lynn Sr: "All that hard work gone to waste." [Rita notices something in the slippers.] "And I don't even know how it could-"

Rita: "Wait a minute."

Jackson: "What?" [Rita points to what she's looking at]

[Upstairs, Lincoln is relaxing in his room, using Jackson's camera.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Wow. What a night. Maybe, next week, we can get Dad to order Chinese."

Lynn Sr.: [Offscreen and angry] "WHY IS THERE MEAT IN MY SHOES?!" [Sniffs] "Hang on. It smells just like the meat I bought earlier today for the-" [Gasps] "KIDS!"

Lincoln: [Caught] "Dang it."

[The meat-covered slippers are shown in Lynn Senior's hands, and the parents are unhappy with their kids and Jackson.]

Rita: "Does anyone have anything to say?"

Lincoln: [Whispering] "Leni, why would you hide the meat in the slippers Dad wears every night?"

Leni: [Whispering] "Because his pockets were full. I didn't think there was that much meat. So, I thought it was gonna be easy to hide it."

Lynn Sr: [Pulling out pasta from his pockets] "What... is this? Pasta? Would someone please explain to us why I'm wearing what was supposed to be my goulash?"

Jackson: "Well-"

Lincoln: "We did it, Dad. We sabotaged dinner so you'd order us pizza." [The parents gasp.] "We're really sorry. But eating the same dinners over and over again was driving us crazy."

Rita: [Unamused] "You guys have no idea how hard it is to cook seven nutritious meals a week for 14 different people on a dang budget. I'd say your dad does a pretty great job."

Lynn Sr: [Thankful] "Aw. That means a lot, honey."

Rita: "You'll understand someday when you have to cook for your own family."

Lincoln: "Cook for your own family? That's it! Let us make dinner tomorrow night. We have tons of ideas. Dad will get a break, we'll make something delicious, and show you it's not that hard to mix up the menu."

[Their parents take it in for a second.]

Lynn Sr: [Shrugs] "Fine by me. As of tomorrow, we'll see what you kids got."

Rita: [Glances at Jackson] "Except you." [Pulls Jackson away] "We need to talk about your recent behavior because you're the last person we'd expect to be in on what our kids have been up to."

[As they leave, it's revealed Leni hid the vegetables in his robe's hood, and she grabs an onion from it.]

Leni: "Ooh! We could probably use this onion." [Jackson facepalms]

[The next night, the kids are getting ready to make dinner, and Lincoln takes out some bread and cheese.]

Lincoln: "Remember, guys, this is about more than just tonight's dinner. These grilled cheeses really have to change hearts and minds."

Lola: "Grilled cheese? I wanna make a cake!"

Lori: "I can't eat cake for dinner. I'll literally break out! Save it for dessert."

Luna: "Let's make shepherd's pie for dessert! It's Mick Swagger's favorite, dudes.

Leni: "You guys, I got it. Let's make goulash!"

Lincoln: "We did all this so we wouldn't have to eat goulash!"

Leni: "And now, I miss it."

Luan: "Either that, or you're just worried for Jackson." [Leni grumbles at that remark]

Lisa: "Might I suggest something more sophisticated? Perhaps, a vichyssoise?"

Lynn: [Makes a buzzer sound.] "We need body fuel. I'll blend us up some protein shakes."

Lola: "Your brain's been blended if you think I'm drinking that barf."

Lana: [Excited] "Wait! We can drink barf?"

Lucy: "Not what she meant, Lana."

[The kids all start arguing over what to make.]

Lincoln: "Grilled cheese beats all!"

Lynn: "Protein shake!"

Lola: "Cake!"

[Lori bangs a pan and spoon together to get their attention.]

Lori: "Guys, guys, stop! We'll do a potluck. Everyone will make their own dish."

Lincoln: "Great idea. Then, we'll have nothing to fight about."

Leni: [Looks around] "I don't know. There's hardly anything for us to share in-" [Everyone but the oldest two gets to work.] "...kitchen."

Lori: "W-We'll figure something out, Len."

[Meanwhile, in the parents' room, Rita is talking to Jackson.]

Rita: "I'm not getting you, Jackson. For a time, you always played the moderator in certain situations, and you were always looking out for my kids, especially Lincoln, but recently, you decided to... be as troublesome as they were when it came to sabotaging my husband's cooking. All I want to know is why that is. As in, what has caused you to behave like this? Was it because of the two of us standing by in certain problems?"

Jackson: "N-No."

Rita: "Was it because of how Lincoln has been treated in the past?"

Jackson: "Sort of, but... that's not the entire reason."

Rita: "Was it because of what happened with Lucy?"

Jackson: "Almost."

Rita: "'Almost'?" [Remembers something] "Wait. Don't tell me you hurt your head from what you did with that semi truck." [Jackson looks away.] "Is that it?"

Jackson: "Almost."

Rita: "Then, what is it? I can't help you if you can't tell me."

Jackson: [Sighs] "It's my parents."

Rita: [Confused] "Your parents?"

Jackson: "I don't like telling anyone about it. Heck, half of this household, including you, has yet to know about it."

Rita: "Know about what?"

Jackson: "I've been... estranged from my parents."

Rita: "For how long?"

Jackson: "Since I entered preschool." [Rita gasps.] "I don't know how, why, or even when it all started, but I just can't seem to bond with my parents. I was able to bond with my mom's older brother, but then, he got arrested, and he became estranged from me as well. So, up until I met Leni, I hardly had anyone to hang out with. After what happened with Lucy, I began thinking about half the things you and LS did in the past, comparing them to how my parents hardly did anything for me, and I thought to myself that Lucy being given up was where I draw the line."

Rita: "Jackson, that was Lincoln's idea."

Jackson: "And yet, you two went with it. So, I don't see what difference it makes." [Sighs and leaves.] "Just let me think by myself." [Lynn Senior enters]

Lynn Sr: "Did you get anything out of him?"

Rita: "Maybe a little too much."

Lynn Sr: "A little too much?"

Rita: "S-Switching topics. I wonder how the kids are doing."

[Cut to the hallway, where Jackson briefly glances at a commotion in the kitchen before continuing to his room.]

Jackson: [Calling out to the siblings] "I hope you're actually making dinner."

Lincoln: [Offscreen] "D-Don't worry, Jax! Everything's fine!"

[Cut to them all making a mess in the kitchen, with a worried Leni looking around, contrary to what Lincoln told Jackson. Lucy and Lana are fighting over an egg.]

Lana: "It's mine! I need it for my scrampy eggs!"

Lucy: "Well, I need it for my deviled eggs."

[Their force causes the egg to break, and the yolk lands on Lily's head.]

Luan: "Mind if I poach that?" [Laughs and scoops the yolk up in a bowl.] "Get it?"

[Lily laughs and claps at the joke. Luan goes over to the counter, and the blender spews Lynn's protein shake all over Luan's face, causing her to trip onto Lincoln with his grilled cheese. Lori then trips over them, slips to and slams into the fridge face-first, and gets buried by its contents.]

Lori: [Weakly] "Literally?"

[Leni tries using the microwave, but it short-circuits and sets off the smoke detector. Luna grabs a linen to blow the smoke away from it, but the linen is holding up the pot with Lisa's vichyssoise, which spills over.]

Lisa: "MY VICHYSSOISE!"

Lynn: "I'll help you out, sissy!"

[As Luna fails to blow the smoke away, Lynn smacks the detector away with her lacrosse net, but the detector crashes into Lola's cake.]

Lola: [Gasps with a face full of frosting] "MY CAKE!"

[Enraged, Lola attacks Lynn and Luna into a fight cloud, and it carries over to the rest of the kids in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Jackson, Lynn Senior, and Rita are in the dining room waiting.]

Lynn Senior: "Guys? Everything okay in there?"

Jackson: [Peeks into the kitchen] "Lily better not be in that fight cloud."

Rita: "There better not be a fight cloud at all."

[The kids stop fighting and calmly say that everything's fine; Jackson tries not to laugh at Lily wearing a large slice of bread.]

Leni: "Like, awesome!"

Lana: "Super!"

Lynn Sr: "Good! Your mom, Jax, and I are getting hungry for dinner! Hope you're almost ready to fork it over!" [Chuckles as Jackson grabs Lily and takes her to the dining room.]

Lori: "You guys, we've got nothing!"

Lincoln: "Failure is not an option! We have to serve something, or we'll be eating the same seven dinners forever!"

[The sisters nod in agreement]

[Dinner is served.]

Lynn Sr: "Wow. You made, uh..."

Jackson: "What did you put in here?"

[The dish is a bizarre mixture of different foods they combined into one at the last minute.]

Lisa: "Potatoes."

Lori: "Quinoa."

Luan: "Turkey."

Lucy: "Chicken."

Luna: "Meatloaf."

Lynn: "Bologna."

Lola: "Frosting."

Lincoln: "Cereal."

Leni: "Goulash."

Lana: "Barf." [Giggles as the others glare at her.]

[Jackson, Rita, and Lynn Senior look unsure.]

Lincoln: "Well, bon appétit!"

[They all nervously take a spoonful of the stuff and take a bite out of it. Rita gags, obviously not liking it.]

Rita: [Trying not to upset her children] "Mmm, it's, uh..."

[She gags again, and the kids all spit it out and point out how truly awful it tastes.]

Lori: "I can't get it off my tongue!"

Jackson: "Well, this didn't bode well."

Lincoln: "Mom, Dad, we're sorry. You guys were right. Cooking for this many people is a nightmare. We'll never complain about your food again."

[His sisters all agree.]

Lana: "We promise."

Luan: "We didn't mean it."

Lola: "I'm not keeping that promise." [Smiles innocently... only Jackson to grumpily grip her little head.]

Lynn: "Now that we totally learned our lesson, can we order pizza to compensate for this disaster of a dish that we made?"

Siblings: [Excited] "Pizza!"

Lana: "Indian!"

Rita: "Sorry, kids. Our food budget for this week is shot."

Lana: "So, we're not having any dinner?"

Lynn Sr: "Nonsense! Necessity is the mother of Lynn-vention! To the kitchen!"

[The messy kitchen]

Lynn Sr: "So, what have we got?"

[The kids check to see what's left.]

Lincoln: "I found a jar of olives!"

Lori: "This spoon still has a little mustard on it."

Lynn: "And I've got some chopped-up sports bars."

Luna: "I'll get some jams!"

Luan: "Ooh! Where?" [Luna holds up her guitar.] "Oh. Those jams."

[Luna chuckles and pats her roommate's head. She then starts playing while Lynn Senior starts cooking.]

Lynn Sr.: "Olives." [Lincoln hands him the olives.] "Pepper." [Lynn Junior hands him the pepper.] "Baking pan." [Luan hands only half of it, much to his annoyance.] "Other half of baking pan." [Lana hands him the other half, chuckling.] "Tape. Stat, man! Stat!"

[Lori and Lily hand him the tape. Luna keeps jamming, and Luan wipes his brow.]

Leni: "What are you making, Dad?"

Lynn Sr: "I'm not really sure, but let's call it... Casa Loud Casserole!" [Holds up the casserole containing the olives, pepper, sports bars, mustard, and anything else in it.]

Leni: "Ooh! I have the perfect outfit for that!"

[Later, after dinner, everyone is stuffed and satisfied, and Leni is wearing a red dress.]

Rita: "Honey, that was delicious."

[The kids agree.]

Lola: Amazing!

Leni: "So good!"

Lynn Sr: "Thank you. I think you kids were right. It's time I started mixing up the menu."

Kids: [Excited] "Really?!"

Lynn Sr: "Yep. In fact, I'm going to the store right now to get some new Lynn-gredients."

[He heads to the car, and the kids cheer to finally having some new dinners, but the car crashes offscreen.]

Lana: "Oops. Heh, heh." [Holds up the brake pads] "Forgot to put the brake pads back on." [Smiles nervously]

Jackson: [Grabs them] "Gimme those." [Steps out to put them back on, but Rita follows him]

Rita: "Jackson, dear, before you do anything, I just want you to know. If there's anything you wanna talk about, anything... stressful, I'm always available for a chat."

[Jackson smiles a little and goes outside to get to work.]

Lincoln: "About what exactly?"

Rita: "Oh, don't worry about it, Lincoln. That's up for Jackson to decide."

Chapter Text

[The episode opens up on a city at night. In a warehouse, Lincoln as Ace Savvy and Clyde as One-Eyed Jack are hanging above a shark tank with the shark leaping up, trying to devour them, all while being observed by Wild Card Willy, a cowboy-themed villain, who is also the persona of Principal Huggins.]

Wild Card Willy: [Laughing evilly] "Game over, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack!"

Ace Savvy: "Think again, Wild Card Willy! I've got a few more cards up my sleeve!"

[Ace drops a handful of cards on the ground with his sisters and Jackson.]

One-Eyed Jack: "Get ready to meet the Full Deck!"

[Just then, a horn blares, and a superhero version of Vanzilla comes in with Lori's persona at the wheel.]

The High Card: "Alright, squad." [Lifts up her mask] "Let's deal with these losers!"

THE HIGH CARD, the Full Deck's third-in-command! While lacking in powers and gadgetry, she makes up for it in strategic thinking.

[The van opens up, revealing Jackson and the rest of the girls in their Ace Savvy personae.]

Wild Card Willy: "Eep!" [Hides behind one of his henchmen.] "Get them!"

[The girls and Jackson leap into action with Lily and Lola's personae starting the fight off.]

Henchman #1: [To a fellow henchman] "You take the baby, I'll take the princess."

The Queen Of Diamonds: "Excuse you. I am the queen." [She flicks her hair as her tiara sparkles.]

THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS, the shiniest card in the deck! She carries a series of diamond weapons that can easily cut or knock anything with ease.

[The Queen tosses her diamond tiara and knocks out Henchman #2. Henchman #1 comes charging at them as Lily holds up some stinky diapers.]

THE DEUCE, the youngest of the bunch! She loves to get prankish with her trusty stink bombs that can easily knock out even the strongest noses.

[The Deuce tosses her diapers that act as stink bombs and nails the other goon. Luna's persona turns up the volume.]

The Night Club: "Get ready to do the Bad Guy Shuffle!"

THE NIGHT CLUB, the musician of the Full Deck! Her musical equipment is specially designed to disorient even the systems of military drones.

[The Night Club blares her guitar and speakers at the minions and knocks them into a hole dug up by Lucy's persona.]

The Eight Of Spades: "No aces in this hole."

THE EIGHT OF SPADES, the Full Deck's gloomy grave digger! Aside from her grave-digging habit, she can also communicate with the dead.

[Lynn's persona charges via comic panels into the goons with a headbutt.]

The Strong Suit: "52 Pickup!"

THE STRONG SUIT, the juggernaut of the team! Don't let her small stature fool you, because she possesses your everyday super strength.

[One of the goons lands on a pile of other defeated minions with Lisa's persona keeping an accurate count.]

The Card Counter: "Or more precisely, 6." [smashes another henchman's face with her calculator.] "Make that 7. A lucky 7."

THE CARD COUNTER, the brains of the crew! Her superhuman intellect makes her think faster than the speed of light.

[As Ace and Jack draw closer to the tank, they notice Leni's persona.]

The Eleven OF Hearts: "Hey, guys. Check out my new outfit. It's perfect for fall weather and springing into action!" [Uses the sash on her outfit as a utility rope, swings over the tank, and saves Ace and Jack before the shark can devour them.] "Ugh, these belts are so 90s!" [Pulls their chains off and sets them free before dropping them.]

THE ELEVEN OF HEARTS, the Full Deck's fashionista! While not the brightest of the team, she makes up for it by providing special suits for certain occasions.

[Wild Card Willy makes for the exit.]

Ace: "Wild Card's getting away!"

[Lana's persona is working on the shark tank.]

The Royal Flush: "Hey, Willy! Go fish!" [loosens the bolt on the pipe.]

THE ROYAL FLUSH, the plumbing prodigy of pack! Aside from her plumbing expertise, she can communicate with animals.

[The tank comes loose with the water and sharks coming out; Wild Card evades it but gets knocked back by a jack-in-the-box style weapon set up by Luan's persona.]

The Joker: "I see your bet and raise you!" [laughs]

THE JOKER, the court jester of the deck! Like the Deuce, she can be prankish as well with her clown-themed gadgets.

Wild Card Willy: "You haven't won yet, Savvy! I have one trick left up my sleeve!" [Willy goes for a revolver]

The Hole Card: [Goes for his steampunk-styled revolver] "So have I!"

THE HOLE CARD, the gunslinger of the gang! His signature Spade Shooter can blast through the strongest metals known to man.

[In a split second, Wild Card Willy pulls his revolver first, but the Hole Card pulls faster and shoots, breaking Willy's barrel, rendering his revolver broken.]

The Hold Card: "Too slow."

[Ace and Jack beat and tie up Wild Card Willy.]

Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards to steal money from others?"

Willy: "'Cause that's the only way to clean up. So, I guess it's off to jail for me."

[It then shows Willy in a jail cell with a caption reading "END" in the lower right corner. The whole scene was a comic that Lincoln, Jackson, and Clyde made, and they were showing it to Liam, Girl Jordan, and Rusty.]

Lincoln & Clyde: "The end."

Jackson: "There you have it."

Liam & Girl Jordan: "Awesome!"

Rusty: "That was sick. Where'd you get the idea for all those butt-kicking super ladies?"

Lincoln: "From my sisters. They've always got my back." [Perturbed] "Except for Lola. You never turn your back on Lola."

Liam: "So, if you fellas win the contest, they'll make this here into a real Ace Savvy comic?"

Clyde: "And we'll get to meet the creator, Bill Buck!" [Holds out a photo of said creator.]

Jackson: "Ah, yes." [Wraps his arms around the boys] "A dream come true for these two."

Girl Jordan: "Well, I think your comic's totally gonna win."

Liam: "Darn tootin'."

Rusty: "Word."

[At that moment, Principal Huggins grumpily grabs the comic book away from them.]

Principal Huggins: "Loud, McBride, school time is meant for learning, not for doodling degenerate fantasies! This trash belongs to me now!"

Lincoln: "But Principal Huggins, you can't take our comic!"

Principal Huggins: "Oh, and now, you're giving me sass? That's detention! Today! Till 5:00!"

Clyde: "But we have to get to the post office by 4:00. That's the contest deadline."

Principal Huggins: [Sarcastically] "Oh, I didn't realize. I'll just give it back to you." [Serious] "NOT!"

Jackson: "Principal Huggins, with all due respect, I think you're just being over-" [Principal Huggins rudely bumps him, not caring what he has to say] "...reactive."

Liam: "Don't even try to reason with him, Jax. Principal Huggins can be quite punctual at times."

Jackson: "Maybe a little too punctual." [Leaves] "I'm gonna take this up with the superintendent." [The kids' eyes widen upon hearing that.]

GJ: "He's toast."

Boys: "Yup."

Chapter Text

I've been on many escapades with the Loud Family, but the last members I'd expect to have one with are the pets. Charles the pit bull terrier; Cliff the black cat, who seems to listen to me; Geo the rather unlucky hamster in a ball; and Walt the grumpy canary.

But then, we get something that led to such an escapade.

[In the kitchen, Charles, Cliff, Geo, and Walt are getting treats from the cupboard. Geo is on Charles, who is lifting Cliff. Walt flies in with one of the girls' scrunchies and pulls the cabinet door open. Cliff eyes the treats and meows with admiration with hearts over his head. But just as he reaches for them...]

Lincoln: [Offscreen] "Hey, guys! We're home!"

[The pets leave the kitchen and rush over to the kids in the front room, where they give them lots of attention and love.]

Lisa: "How's my Felis Catus?"

[The kids pet and scratch them.]

Leni: "Oh, you're so cute! I love you so much!"

Lola: "Yes, you are!"

Lynn: "Sit, Charles!"

[Charles sits on command.]

Lynn: "Now, shake!" [Shakes her hand with his paw.] "Now, play dead."

[Charles keels over, pretending to be dead, while on command.]

Lucy: [Reading from a rites book] "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

[Lori turns on a laser pointer, and Cliff chases it.]

Lori: "Get the dot! Go get the dot!"

Leni: [Chasing it as well] "I'm trying, but it's going too fast!"

Jackson: [Grabs Cliff] "Gotcha. Let's see if I can get you away from Luan."

[Lily bounces Geo's hamster ball over to the door, but then, Lana opens it up and knocks Geo and his ball away as the hamster cheeps in shock.]

Lana: "Guys! Guess what I found!" [Reveals a little dog in her hands.]

Lola: "Ooh! Pretty earmuffs. GIMME!"

Lana: [Scoffs] "They're not earmuffs, silly. This is a dog." [Lifts its bangs up and reveals its eyes.] "See? I found it wandering in the park. It doesn't have a collar."

Lana's Siblings: [Admiring it] "Aww!"

Lana: "But I did find something that could indicate that it was wearing one." [Pulls it out of her pocket] "It's a nametag. Must've fallen off at some point."

Jackson: [Examines it] "'Watterson'. At least, we know what his name is."

[As they ogle the little doggy, the other pets look at each other with concern.]

Lynn: "Are you hungry, little guy?"

Luna: "Dudes, we should give him a treat!"

Lori: "I was literally just going to say that! Except for the 'dudes' part." [Luna and Lincoln try not to laugh]

So, the kids spent some time with Watterson. Well, more time with him than with the other four pets. Fortunately, I was around to keep them company. But they still pined for their real owners to spend time with them.

And what is the thanks I get from the quartet after keeping them company?

They plotted to get rid of Watterson!

And I had to step in after they came up with something that actually succeeded.

[Cliff, Walt, and Geo are packing their things, but Charles barks, not ready to give up yet, and opens the phone book to an ad for an animal control center called Green Mile. Geo rolls his hamster ball onto the side table and knocks the phone off the hook. Walt dials the number with his beak, and someone picks up.]

Man: [Over the phone] "Green Mile Pet Sanctuary. This is Mister Schmitty. How may I help you?" [Charles barks into the phone.] "You sound like a stray little doggy." [Charles barks again.] "Oh, you're actually homeless? Okay. Keep on barking so I can track your location." [Charles barks some more.] "Got ya! Don't you worry. We'll get you a new home."

[The pets hang up and wait for Green Mile to get there while Watterson barks. Charles whistles, pulls out his tennis ball, and tosses it to Cliff, who tosses it out the pet door while Watterson eagerly chases after it. The second he's out, Charles blocks the pet door with a wooden lock, leaving the new dog unable to get back into the house. He goes around to the front just as the Green Mile truck pulls up to the residence. The animal catcher from the van nets the dog.]

Corinne: [On her radio] "Mister Schmitty, this is Corinne. Got your stray. Over."

Schmitty: [Over the radio] "Good work, Corinne. Head back to base. Over and out."

[She nods and takes off with the dog while the pets look on, satisfied at the results, and imagine the dog happily playing on a farm after being adopted by a young farmboy. Charles and Cliff high-five together, and the pets sit down to watch TV.]

Man Announcer: "We'll return to the 12:30 movie after this."

[A commercial for Green Mile comes on.]

Woman Announcer: "Here at the Green Mile Pet Sanctuary, we need your help. All of these cute little animals need a home."

[The pets then look on, horrified at what they're seeing. The sanctuary looks more like a prison camp in the middle of a desert.]

Woman Announcer: "For just the same price as a cup of coffee, you could save the life of an adorable, helpless friend. Won't you adopt one today? Come over to Green Mile Pet Sanctuary."

[GREEN MILE PET SANCTUARY]

[The pets realize what they have done.]

Jackson: [Offscreen] "Ahem." [The pets jump in fright and turn to Jackson] "Mind telling me what you just did?"

So, the pets came up with a rescue plan, and for good measure, I went with them to make sure that they apologized to Watterson.

[Out in the desert, a truck drives up. The pets and Jackson hop out.]

Jackson: "Thanks for the lift, sir."

Driver: "Sure, no problem."

[Cliff meows a thank-you to the driver's cat, who meows back. The driver takes his cat and closes the door with an uneasy look at the pets and the lone human who hitchhiked with them and drives off, revealing the pets and Jackson are right in front of Green Mile.]

Jackson: "This is a stupid idea, but it'll be worth it in the end." [The pets nod in agreement]

[They sneak over to the side and watch one of the employees walk up to the automatic doors by stepping on the mat and going in. They try to get in by stepping on the mat all at once, but it doesn't work. Jackson then tries it, but for some reason, it doesn't work for him either. So, he throws a trash can at it, and the loud thud causes the doors to open. Schmitty then gets a call and answers it.]

Schmitty: "Green Mile Pet Sanctuary. This is Schmitty. How can I help you?"

[While Schmitty looks away, the pets sneak by him and go in. Geo pops out of his hamster ball and chews the wire on the surveillance, shutting it off.]

Schmitty: [Notices this] "What the heck?"

[Walt then goes in, aims for the target with his eye, and poops in Schmitty's coffee, making Jackson chuckle mischievously. They then crawl through the hall. Charles stops the others and points out Watterson in a cage nearby.]

Jackson: "Shh! Keep quiet." 

[Cliff picks the lock with Walt's beak, and Walt opens the door. Watterson whimpers in fear that they'll do something to him again, but Charles licks him, assuring him they're sorry for what they did earlier. He then leaps into their arms and happily barks.]

Jackson: "Shh! They're gonna hear us."

[Watterson stops barking, and Charles silently signals them to move out while Schmitty is still checking the surveillance monitors.]

Schmitty: [Taps a monitor] "Cheap, crummy monitors." [Sips his coffee that Walt pooped in.] "Mmm. Like those lumps." [Notices the Loud pets and Jackson escaping with Watterson.] "Hey, get back here!" [Grabs his net and chases them.]

[The pets and Jackson knock the trash can off the mat, and the doors close, making Schmitty faceplant into them.]

Jackson: "They're onto us!"

[They then run all the way back to Royal Woods, but they're captured by Corinne.]

Corinne: "Oh, yeah! Corinne for the win!" [Notices Jackson] "Huh. And I've caught myself a thief. Well, just you wait until the Oakland County Sheriff hears about this."

[Corinne is taking the pets back to Green Mile.]

Corinne: [On the radio] "Schmitty, this is Corinne. Over. I apprehended the fugitive and his accomplices. We're gonna need four more cages. Over." 

Schmitty: [Over the radio] "All of the accomplices? Including that boy? Over."

Corinne: "Yeah, I got him as well. I'm gonna drop the pets off to you, and then, I'm gonna drop this guy at the Sheriff's Office."

Schmitty: "Fair enough. I'll see you when you get back. Over."

Corinne: [Laughs maniacally] "Over and out."

[The pets and Jackson, not giving up, angrily break their way through the net, strike a heroic action pose together, and try to open the back door. Walt opens up the bottom compartment and shows it to the others. Charles grabs a crowbar and hands it to Jackson as they all struggle to open the door, but Corinne sees them in her rear-view mirror.]

Corinne: "What?! Oh, no, you don't!" [Turns sharply, causing the pets and Jackson to hit the side of the van and laughs; makes another sharp turn.] "Whoa!" [Crashes the van, opening the door.]

[Watterson tells them that they can go now.]

Jackson: "You heard him! Let's go!"

Corinne: [Laughing and holding her net.] "Nice try, you little troublemakers." [Stomps her foot down, making the pets lose their footing, and nets them again.] "Gotcha! You gotta get up pretty early in the mor-" [Notices that Watterson and Jackson got away.] "Well, yeah. That one, but he'll get his."

[The pets look on with concern at what will happen to them now as Corinne takes them back to Green Mile.]

Corinne: "Oh, but don't you worry. I'll find that-" [Notices Watterson on the roof growling at her.] "Huh?"

Jackson: [Appears] "I believe you have some animals that don't belong to you."

Corinne: [Smug] "And you what are you gonna do about it?"

Jackson: "Not me. Sic her, Watterson!"

[Watterson complies and attacks Corinne and bites her butt.]

Corinne: "Ow!" [Runs off, screaming]

Jackson: [Jumps off the roof] "Yeah, you better run!"

[Watterson frees the other pets, and they all caress him as thanks for saving them.]

[Back at the Loud House, the Loud kids are worried about their missing pets and Jackson. Lana's holding up a poster she made.]

Lincoln: [Hanging up; downtrodden] "Well, Clyde hasn't seen them."

Lori: "Neither has Bobby. Come on. We have to go look for them! Everyone, bring your posters!"

Lana: [Sniffs, forlorn and heartbroken] "I don't know what I'm gonna do if we don't find them!" [Cries and hugs Luna for comfort.]

Lisa: [On the verge of tears and sadness] "Whilst I normally view animals as mere test subjects, those little guys are family!" [Starts to cry]

[The kids all start crying, and Charles barks to them.]

Lincoln: "Sometimes, I can still hear them."

[Charles barks to them again.]

Lincoln: [Stops crying with his sisters and realizes] "Wait!"

Jackson: [Offscreen] "Did ya miss us?"

[The kids happily turn around, see Jackson, their pets, and Watterson back home, and they cheer for their return. They grab them, talk at once, and hug them with lots of love while Watterson is ignored.]

Lana: [To Watterson] "You too, new puppy! Get in here! You're part of our family too."

[The puppy joins the kids and the pets.]

Loud Kids: "YOU'RE AN OFFICIAL LOUD!"

[The doorbell then rings. Lincoln answers it, and it's a little girl at the door.]

Lincoln: "Oh, hello."

Clare: "Hi. My name's Clare. I'm looking for my dog. He slipped out of his collar, and-"

Jackson: "Let me guess." [Points to Watterson] "Is this your little bundle of joy?"

Clare: [Gasps] "Watterson!" [Walks up to the little puppy.] "There you are!" [Lana gives Watterson to her.] "I've missed you. Oh, how I've missed you."

Lana: [Passes the nametag] "His nametag also fell off. That's how we knew his name."

Clare: "Thanks. He's my best friend in the whole wide world." [To the Louds] "Thank you for taking care of him."

Lori: "It was literally our pleasure."

Luna: [Upset] "Aw. Looks like you're going home, little dude." [Kisses his butt, much to Jackson's disgust]

Lana: "Uh, Luna? That's his butt." [Luna stops kissing it] "Bye, Watterson." [Turns him around] "I'm sorry you won't be a Loud, but I'm glad your friend found you." [Tearfully hugs him]

Clare: "You don't have to worry. I actually live down the road. You can drop by whenever you'd like."

Lana: "Oh, we'd love to! Thanks."

Clare: [To her dog] "Come on, Watterson. Time to get you home." [prepares to leave]

Loud Sisters: "Bye!"

Luna: "We'll miss you!"

Leni: "Love you!"

[The pets are sad that Watterson is leaving, but he hops out of Clare's arms and gives them each a friendly lick goodbye, with Geo's lick rolling his ball away.]

Clare: "Come on, Watterson! Come on, boy!"

[Watterson goes to Clare, and the two of them leave.]

Lincoln: [To the pets] "We're so glad you're home. How about we all go to the kitchen for a nice big treat?"

[The pets sprint to the kitchen, where Lincoln gives them each a treat to enjoy.]

Lisa: [Offscreen] "DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY MY SLIDE PROJECTOR WAS IN CHARLES' DOGHOUSE?!"

Jackson: [Offscreen] "CHARLES!"

[The pets worriedly look at each other over that little detail they forgot as the episode irises out on all four of them.]

Chapter Text

Lisa: [Rapping on her headphones and dancing] "You're less than Pluto, not even a planet! When you hear my fresh rhymes, you're gonna say-"

[She steps on a squeaky toy on the word that rhymes with "planet", which Lily seemed to have noticed. She covers her mouth because of this.]

That's the thing about rapping. Luna and I are music lovers, but I've got issues with certain stuff. For example: No matter who you're listening to, you're gonna hear adult words in rap songs. Well, most of them at least, but you get the picture. Lisa's the second-youngest, but because of that big melon in her head, she's gonna say a lot of big words.

[Luna is tuning her guitar string, but it breaks. She turns red and screams with a guitar riff dubbing over her scream. Lily appears behind her amplifier and she covers her mouth.]

Not that Luna is any better.

[End flashback.]

The Siblings: [Embarrassed] "Oh, right." [Lori and Luna chuckle nervously while Jackson and Luan groan at this]

Lucy: "Groan."

Jackson & Luan: "Shut up."

Lori: "Guys, what are we going to do? Lily's important daycare interview's coming up. If she says any profanity whatsoever, she won't get into school."

Lisa: [Offscreen] "Siblings, I have the solution." [Wearing a surgeon outfit; Takes out some tongs as Lily crawls over to her roommate] "A quick, painless removal of the vocal cords. Well, mostly painless."

Jackson & The Sisters: [They carry Lily away; Defiantly opposed] "NO!"

Jackson: "Lisa, have you ever thought of something that doesn’t involve harming Lily?!"

Lily: [Ponders] "Let me think. Uh… No."

Jackson: [Facepalms] "Go figure."

Lincoln: "Hold on, I have a better idea. If Lily imitates our behavior, let's just give her some better behavior to imitate."

Lisa: "I'm going to remain scrubbed in, just in case."

So, fast forward to sometime later, they made up for it... in the most bizarre ways imaginable.

[Lincoln and Jackson head upstairs to Lily and Lisa's room.]

Lincoln: "Lisa, you're on."

Lisa: "Lily, let's bust some rhymes better suited to your infant ears." [Puts on her headphones, picks up a mic, and starts rapping a Blarney song] "Moo goes the cow, oink goes the pig! Watch me do an Irish jig!"

Lily: [Raps along] "Watch me do Irish jig!" [Jackson applauds]

Lincoln: "Good job, Lisa."

Lisa: "Peace!" [Drops her mic on one of her chemicals, causing an explosion that blows her hair off and lands on Lincoln's face.] 

Jackson: [Surprised] "What the devil?!"

Lisa: [Notices this] "DAAAH! My hair!" [Looks around, stuttering] "Oh, what do I do?!" [Turns to Lily] "I'll, uh... dance!" [Lisa and Lily dance] "Dance, dance, dance! Uh-uh, uh, uh!" [Jackson facepalms]

Lincoln: [Holding Lisa's hair] "You wear a wig?!"

Lisa: "Eh, nuclear experiment gone wrong." [Lifts up her foot with a little something extra.] "It's also how I got my extra toe." [Wiggles it]

Jackson: [Weirded out] "Ah... We'll talk about this later."

[Lincoln and Jackson take Lily and leave disturbed by what they saw.]

Lisa was bizarre enough, but Luna...

[Finally, Luna's turn comes, and she tries tuning her guitar like before, with it working just fine.]

Luna: [Annoyed] "Oh, sure! Now, the string won't break!"

Jackson: [Notices something on the guitar] "I don't know, Loon." [Points to it] "I think you'd prefer the-" [The top of the neck breaks off and it smacks her in the face, making Lily laugh; Lincoln tries not to laugh.] "...broken string." 

Luna: [Turning red with anger and raising her guitar over Jackson, scaring him] "DAAAA-"

Lincoln: [Snatches the guitar] "OKAY! Let's... slow down." [Tosses it across the room] "We're not teaching Lily to be violent either."

Luna: [Takes a deep breath] "Okay." [Puts on a derby hat and speaks in a British accent] "It's alright, love. I was done with that guitar for now. I'd rather play on these drums, mate." [Starts playing on them with Lily imitating her using the bongos, much to Lincoln's joy... and Jackson's relief.]

Chapter Text

I'm a straight person. So, I only prefer girls. However, I have nothing against what my estranged uncle likes to call "homophiles". In fact, when I was attending Royal Woods High School, I once had a male classmate who was admittedly in love with a transgender schoolmate, and I did what I could to support them and defend them from harassers.

So, I was surprised when I learned that one of my housemates was in love with a girl, whereas the other Loud sisters had boyfriends... and Lincoln found a new female love interest by this point.

And I happened to encounter this girl one day.

A girl named Sam Sharp.

Oh, and my ex happened to find a new love interest named Chaz.

[Cut to a montage of the kids sneaking love notes to their crushes. Lincoln gives one to Paige while she's playing Dance Battle. Lynn sneaks one under Francisco's helmet. Skippy gets one in his toolbox. Lana smiles with her finger near her mouth because it was from her. Benny finds one on the stage floor and tries to pick it up, but it gets pulled away. As he gleefully chases after it, it's revealed to be from Luan, who's using a fishing rod to tease him. Lisa lures herself down on grappling wires and sneaks one under David's microscope, which he discovers to his joy. Chaz finds one in a pair of jeans for sale, and Leni smiles while disguised as a mannequin again. Lucy slips one into a coffin that Rocky is resting in. Rocky rises out of the coffin and smiles, just as Lucy helps Haiku do the same with Silas. Winston finds one in the sandbox and admires it. Lola looks dreamily at his response. Lily gives her teddy bear a drawing of the two of them and hugs it again. At the High School, Luna takes a deep breath and slips her note into Sam's locker and bolts. The musicians pass by and, surprisingly, Sam happens to be a girl stopping at the same locker while her friends, Sully and Mazzy, walk off.]

Mazzy: "See you later, Sam."

Sam: "Okay, see ya!"

[Sam opens her locker, and the note falls out. She picks it up, reads it, and smiles at what's written. Luna, hiding in the corner and having seen it all, smiles as well, knowing that she may have a chance with Sam after all. Just then, Jackson shows up.]

Jackson: "I see you found my housemate's letter."

Sam: "I, uh..." [Tries to hide it.] "Come again?"

Jackson: "I said you found my housemate's letter."

Sam: "What letter?"

Jackson: "The one you're miserably failing to hide." [Luna gives off an annoyed look]

Sam: [Feebly] "Oh. This one. Yes. I did." [Realizes] "Wait. Housemate?"

Jackson: "Well, I can't spoil the secret just yet."

Sam: "Fair enough. It's not common." [Notices something] "Hey, I know you. You're one of those four guys who dropped out during their freshman year." [Jackson nods.] "The musicians dubbed you guys the 'Four Horsemen'."

Jackson: "Yeah, I've heard. We all take online courses nowadays."

Sam: "Aren't you dating that one girl? Leni Loud?"

Jackson: "I used to. We broke up sometime after I moved out of my parents' house."

Sam: "How did it happen?"

Jackson: "Let's just say our relationship attracted some bad people. So, I called everything off just to keep her safe."

Sam: "Well, perhaps, you can lend me some advice?"

Jackson: [Confused] "Pardon?"

Sam: "W-What I mean is... I'm..." [Looks around before whispering] "...a lesbian."

Jackson: "Oh?"

Sam: "I'm into girls rather than boys. But the thing is that the only people who know about this are my family and those other two students you might've noticed. I'm unsure about how to explain this to anyone else, let alone a potential love interest. I mean, how do you think I should approach this?"

Jackson: "Well, when I was attending this school as a student, I once befriended these two guys. One was a regular male student while the other was transgender. At the time, I did what I could to support them. But then, there came the side task of defending them from harassers." [Sam and even Luna are surprised by this.] "I did what had to be done until finally, we managed to get them transferred to a more lenient environment. I was relieved that I didn't have to keep defending them, because I feared that I would let my determination turn into anger and let it get the better of me. So, I guess the best thing I can say to you is that you shouldn't let anything negative control your emotions. Just focus on what you need to do. Would that help?"

Sam: "I hope so. Thanks." [Realizes something.] "Wait. What's your name again?"

Jackson: "Oh, I'm Jackson. Jackson Delaney." [Shakes hands with Sam]

Sam: "Samantha Sharp. But you can call me Sam." [Leaves as Luna approaches Jackson]

Luna: "Well, that was nice of you, dude."

Jackson: "Thanks."

Luna: "When were you gonna tell me?"

Jackson: "Tell you what?"

Luna: "That you helped a guy and his transgender love interest?"

Jackson: "I thought Leni was gonna tell you."

Luna: "Think again, man." [Jackson sighs]

[The End.]

Chapter Text

[Back in the apartment, Ronnie Anne and Jackson leave Carlota's room after having the former's leg waxed.]

Jackson: "Well, this is just embarrassing."

Ronnie Anne: "Ya think? This is just..." [Limping] "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Carlitos: [Imitating] "Ow, ow, ow, ow."

Jackson: [Peeks around the corner] "Oh, you must be Carlitos."

Ronnie Anne: [From the kitchen window] "Shh! Carlitos! I'm just getting a snack. We don't want Grandma to find out."

Carlitos: [Imitating] "Shh!"

[Ronnie Anne closes the kitchen shutters, opens the fridge, and gets an apple, but when she closes the fridge, Rosa suddenly appears as if Lucy would.]

Rosa: "Aha!"

Ronnie Anne & Jackson: [Startled] "Aah!"

Jackson: [Sighs] "You must be Rosa."

Rosa: "You must be Jackson. I always know when someone in my house is hungry."

[Rosa sits Ronnie Anne and Jackson down at the table for food.]

Ronnie Anne: "But... But-"

Rosa: "Sit." [Sits Ronnie Anne down and puts out the kitchenware and some food for her granddaughter and their guest.] "Don't you wish Grandma could cook for you every day?"

Ronnie Anne: "It'd be great, but by the time it got to Royal Woods, it would be a little cold."

Rosa: [Having misheard that] "What?! You've got a cold? You know what really opens up the sinuses? Hot sauce!"

[She pours the sauce on Ronnie Anne's food, and it causes a miniature explosion.]

Jackson: [Facepalms] "Brilliant."

Chapter Text

Seeing his sisters squabble with their roommates, Lincoln suggested a roommate shuffle, based on a compatibility test he took with me and Clyde.

The results were pretty disastrous because...

[Lisa is checking the test again.]

Lisa: "Hmm... 'Ace Savvy's Superhero Duo Quiz: Find your partner in crime-fighting'? This is the 'amazingly accurate compatibility test' that led you to uproot the entire household?!"

Lincoln: "It was dead-on about us and Clyde."

Lisa: "Yes! You three are compatible because you're all dunces!" [Jackson clears his throat] "Well, two of you at least." [To Jackson] "I don't even know how you ended up in the proverbial mix."

Jackson: "Well, we had three tests. Lincoln and me, Lincoln and Clyde, and Clyde and me. And when we compared them... Well, take a wild guess." [The girls are still unsatisfied]

Lisa: "I rest our case. This test did not help us whatsoever." [To her sisters] "Everyone, remain calm. We can still determine the optimal roommate arrangement. Just need to use actual science." [Reveals a matchup computer in her room.] "I invented this baby to help Pop-Pop find a soulmate, but he wasn't ready for love again." [Puts in data] "I simply input everyone's data in the form of report cards, journals, medical records, and DNA samples."

Luan: [Suspicious] "Uh, how'd you get our DNA samples?"

Lisa: [Feigning innocence] "Did I say 'DNA samples'?"

Jackson: [Annoyed] "Uh, yes, genius."

Lincoln: "I assume it's just hair samples."

[The computer prints out the results.]

Lisa: "And voila. Our perfect matches. Lori and Lola will be together since they both excel in social situations and possess an authoritarian nature."

[Lori and Lola notice Lana and Charles chewing on shoes and shout in unison.]

Lola: "Drop it, Lana!"

Lori: "Drop it, Charles!"

[Lana and Charles drop it, and Lola and Lori look at each other, surprised... before smiling cheekily.]

Lisa: "Leni will be rooming with Lynn. They both-"

Leni & Lynn: "Wait. Why are we together? That doesn't make any sense. We don't even have anything in common!" [They look at each other in confusion while Jackson tries not to laugh.]

Lisa: "Luna will be with Lana since both enjoy garage-based hobbies and wield a wicked axe."

[Luna, holding her guitar, and Lana, holding an inflatable play axe, look at each other.]

Jackson: "Wait. What happened to your tree axe?"

Lana: "I just moved it to the garage. Remember the burglar nonsense?"

Lisa: "Luan will be with Lucy because of their shared creativity and unusual proclivity for befriending inanimate objects."

[The inanimate objects in question are Mister Coconuts and the Edwin bust, and Luan and Lucy look at each other.]

Lisa: "Lily will be with Lincoln beca-"

Lincoln: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why am I included?"

Lisa: "It's self-evident. To find the most accurate sibling matches, one must include all the siblings."

Lincoln: [Suspicious] "Wait, I see what's going on. Isn't it convenient that everyone has a roommate except you?"

Lisa: "Actually, I prefer cohabitation so that I have a built-in test subject. But it seems I match with no one. It's a head-scratcher."

Jackson: "Uh, I don't have one either."

Lisa: "That's because you're not listed here either. I'm not sure why."

[She scratches her head, which causes her wig to fall off, revealing her brain pulsating from her cranium, which causes her siblings to gasp at the sight of it in horror.]

Jackson: "I forgot about that."

Chapter Text

First, it was Cristina Pollard. Then, it was Ronnie Anne Santiago. And recently, it was Paige Craddock.

But no matter how hard he tries, Lincoln just can't find the right girl.

Worse still, he's been thinking of trying to get back together with Ronnie Anne.

But then, his friend group got involved by pairing him with someone new and...

Well, there was one who stood out.

[The mall]

Rusty: [Frantic] "Oh, man. What am I gonna tell my dad about those suits?!"

Liam: "Aw, don't worry. You can get bird poop out. It's donkey poop you gotta worry about."

Kat: "The what now?"

Clyde: [Notices the target] "Here comes Lincoln. We're all clear about what to do?"

[The others nod.]

Lincoln: "Hey, guys."

Clyde: "Hey, buddy! You took care of your... thing?"

Lincoln: "Yep." [High-fives Clyde]

[The others squint slyly at each other.]

Clyde: [Nudging his best friend's shoulder] "Glad you could hang out some more."

Liam: [Acting and looking through the mall's comic book store's window.] "I declare, Zach, isn't that your friend, Renee Dreyfus, over there in yonder comic book store, hanging with Jackson?"

Zach: [Acting] "You are right, Liam. She is probably there because she is a huge Ace Savvy fan."

GJ: [Acting] "Hey, Lincoln, you're a huge Ace Savvy fan too. You should go talk to her."

Lincoln: "I don't-"

[Clyde, Cristina, and Cora grab Lincoln and shove him into the comic book shop. The crew gives each other a thumbs-up.]

[Inside the comic store, Lincoln is talking to Renee and Jackson.]

Lincoln: "It's so cool to meet someone who loves Ace as much as I do!"

Renee: "Same here."

[They both notice a rare Ace Savvy comic.]

Lincoln: "Whoa! Is that the limited edition Christmas issue with the variant cover?"

Renee: "'Deck The Halls'? I've been looking for that forever!"

Lincoln: "Me too!"

Lincoln & Renee: "It's the only copy." [They scowl at each other and start fighting over it.] "GIVE IT! IT'S MINE!"

Jackson: [Annoyed] "Oh, great." [Tries to break it up]

[The boys are watching the struggle through the window.]

Mollie: "Looks like we're gonna need another beautiful lady." [A punch is heard offscreen.] 

Jackson: [Offscreen] "Ow."

Joy: "And an ice pack for Jax."

[Back inside, Jackson falls over, having been punched in the stomach by Lincoln and Renee, who are now regretting their squabble.]

Lincoln & Renee: "Sorry."

Chapter Text

[The siblings sans Luan, along with several of Lincoln's schoolmates, are talking about how to circumvent her in Lori and Leni's room.]

Lisa: [Showing a cold sleep chamber] "And that's why I propose we cryogenically freeze Luan for April Fool's Day." [Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lily all look at her, shocked at such a suggestion, while Jackson and the visiting kids just give off a dissatisfied look.] "She can't prank us if she's frozen solid." [Notices their reactions] "Oh, come on! She'll maintain brain function." [Sheepishly] "Well, a little."

Jackson: [Uses a thermometer on the chamber and checks the result.] "No, this temperature level would actually freeze her to death." [Sighs] "Typical."

Kat: "Took the one word from my mouth. Once again, the genius of this house comes up with something that does more harm than good."

GJ: [Bluntly] "Well, it's not like..." [Points to Jackson] "...Mister 'Tall, Dark, and Dangerous' here has anything to provide." [Jackson rolls his eyes]

Mollie: [Annoyed with her attitude towards Jackson] "Oh, and you do?"

[The twins look at each other.]

Lola: "Lana and I have an idea."

[Lisa moves her chamber out of the way, and the twins place a spinning platform. Lincoln comes in wearing some kind of astronaut suit. They spin him around on a platform like a model.]

Clyde: "Hey, that looks like an astronaut suit."

Lola: "It's actually based on one. We call it the Prank-Me-Not Poncho." [Pulls a cord, causing the suit to inflate a bit.] "The inflatable lining cushions you from all manner of pranks."

[An automated boot kicks Lincoln.]

Lincoln: "Ow!" [Gets hit by a spring-loaded boxing glove] "Ooh! Ow! I can feel that!"

Lana: "Well, most manner of pranks."

Liam: "Is there a way you could strengthen it or something?"

Lola: "Not a problem. We just need a little more air."

[Lola pulls the cord again, but it comes off, causing the suit and Lincoln to float up to the ceiling.]

Joy: "Heh. At least, you're not outside."

Lori: [Sighs] "Does anyone have an idea that will actually work? April Fool's Day is this weekend, and I am not losing another eyebrow." [Rubs her brow] "They're starting to grow in all coarse."

Luna: [Holding a pamphlet of Fanny's Prank Emporium] "I say we post bad reviews of Fanny's Prank Emporium, and force them out of business!"

Lynn: "Ooh, that's good. We eliminate her supplier, we eliminate the problem."

Lincoln: "We're too late for that. Luan got her prank supplies shipped to an offshore warehouse months ago." [The others look at him speechless.] "She told me that to scare me. It totally worked."

Sadie: "How did she acquire an offshore warehouse? Those things are expensive."

Jackson: "Well, Luan does circus gigs from time to time."

Rusty: "Then, those circuses must be paying her huge sums." [Scoffs jealously] "Lucky."

Zach: "Does she have any part-time jobs in Royal Woods?"

Lisa: "Not that we know of. Her love interest, Benny Stein, works part-time at Burpin' Burger. So, I assume that he's giving some of his overall salary to her, albeit unwittingly, since it's most likely that he doesn't know about the warehouse."

Lori: "Well, what else can we do then?" [Boy Jordan raises his hand.] "Yes, BJ?"

BJ: "You put her in restraints once, didn't you?"

Lynn: "But it didn't work! She escaped that time!"

Mig: "That's because you were using Chinese finger traps. Perhaps, you should put her in a straitjacket! She can't prank if she can't move her arms."

Rocky: "She has ways of pranking without the use of her arms. She can bite like a dog if she wants to."

Kyle: "Maybe you can try locking her up in her room until April 2nd, like last time."

Renee: "But what if she escapes from her room and gets out of the jacket?"

Darren: "Maybe, you guys can evacuate into the van before she gets there and..." [The others just glare at the four boys.] "We're not gonna win this argument, are we?"

All: [Nochalantly] "No."

Haiku: "You're just being way too desperate."

Lori: [Notices Leni reading a magazine.] "Leni, are you even paying attention?"

Leni: "Oh, sorry. I was just reading this ad for a Kentucky-based clown camp that takes place over April Fool's Day weekend." [Shows them said ad] "I just randomly found it on my bed last night."

The Visiting Kids: [Shocked] "Huh?!"

Leni's Siblings: [Shocked] "WHAT?!"

Artie: "Why didn't you say anything?"

Leni: "I was, but there was something about it that made me change my mind."

Lincoln: "Let me see that." [Grabs the magazine and looks at the ad.] "And you said it's in Kentucky? This is perfect! If we send Luan to this camp, she'll be two states away from us." [Notices the price] "Oh, but it costs 500 bucks."

[The kids look at each other.]

Leni: "Yeah, that's why I changed my mind. I know we've all racked up beyond $500 in total, but I don't wanna waste it all on this."

Jackson: "Let's consult with the parents."

[Cut to Rita and Lynn Senior's room. The kids enter as the boys help Lincoln get the Prank-Me-Not Poncho off.]

Jackson: "LS? Rita?"

Rita: "Look up, dear." [The kids look up.]

[It's revealed that she and Lynn Senior are stuck on the ceiling wearing Prank-Me-Not Ponchos their size.]

Jackson: "Oh. The twins made you some PMN Ponchos too?"

Lynn Sr: "Prototypes, actually. So, to what do we owe this visit?"

Jackson: "Show 'em, Len." [Leni shows the ad to her mother]

Leni: "There's this clown camp based in Kentucky that takes place over April Fool's Day weekend."

Rita: "What about it?"

Leni: "I randomly woke up with it, but I thought it could help us with Luan and her usual nonsense."

Lincoln: [Gets the poncho off.] "The real kicker is that it costs $500, and Leni didn't want us to waste what we have in total." [Leni smiles a little at her brother's compliment]

Rita: "Well, that is a lot of money, but if it means we don't have to spend April Fool's in these suits, I'd say it's worth it."

Lynn Sr: "Agreed. Someone toss me my checkbook."

[Later that night, at dinner]

Luan: [Looking at the pamphlet for the camp.] "A weekend at Funny Farm's Clown Camp? All the way over in Kentucky? Oh, this is my dream come true! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! But what's the occasion?"

Lynn Sr: "Why do we need an occasion to spoil our favorite little comedienne, huh?"

Luan: [Joyfully hugs her dad, but realizes] "Oh, wait. It's on April Fool's weekend."

Lynn Sr: [Suddenly does a spit-take on Lisa.] "Is it? I, uh- I didn't realize."

Luan: "I don't know if I can be away from my family on my favorite holiday."

Lynn: "Ah, but think about all that fresh meat at the camp just waiting to be pranked."

Luan: [Enlightened] "Oh, you're right! I can just broaden my horizons by pranking anyone other than you guys. Well, in that case, I camp wait!" [Laughs] "Get it?"

[Everyone else laughs nervously before gulping, except for Lincoln, who is still trying to keep the act up.]

Lincoln: [Feigning amusement] "That is hilarious! Where do you come up with this stuff? Oh, I swear, I'm gonna pee."

Lucy: "Lincoln, don't oversell it."

[Outside, in the backyard, Jackson brings some dinner over to the visiting kids, who are all in sleeping bags, and passes them.]

Jackson: "Here you go. Lynn Loud Senior's signature Lynn-sagna."

[The kids, minus GJ, Kat, and Joy, thank Jackson for the dinner.]

Cristina: [Takes a bite] "Mmm! Mister Loud really outdid himself today!"

Jackson: "He always does."

Connie: "You know, Jackson, I will admire your decision to recruit an army to counteract the shenanigans of Luan, but was this many students even necessary?"

Jackson: "Well, you have to understand, Connie. Luan is much smarter than some give her credit for. The day we used those finger traps, we also tried locking her in a metal crate, but somehow, she broke out of it... and made me her archnemesis."

Papa Wheelie: "Man, I wish Flat Tire was here to help."

Rusty: "He and Lincoln have been at odds with one another as of late. It'll be hard for him to help if they argue."

Andrew: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm more concerned about Lance."

Jackson: "Who?"

Cristina: "Lance Keaton. He's this boy who was present when Lincoln made those embarrassing videos."

Jackson: [Remembers something] "Isn't he the blonde kid with the red-and-white shirt?" [The kids nod] "Now, I remember. He dropped by the Loud House once."

Connie: "Last I heard, he joined up with Trent after..." [Glares at Jackson] "...someone here gave Lincoln a lecture about 'real friends'."

Jackson: "I was just looking out for Lincoln and Ronnie Anne."

Tabby: "Well, it didn't exactly help anyone but Lincoln. If anything, it sounds like you were being overprotective of him." [Jackson looks away.]

Polly: "Jackson, we all get how close you two are, but maybe you're overdoing it, kind of like what you did with Leni."

Jackson: "No, what happened with Leni was a catalyst that turned me into what I am today. I was different before we started dating." [Gets up and heads back inside.] "Alright. I'm gonna hit the hay now. I'll see you guys when the weekend comes. Good night."

Kids: "Good night."

[Unbeknownst to them, two shadowy figures have been spying on them from behind the backyard gate. It was Giggles and Lance.]

Giggles: "So, Jackson decided to bring in an army to counteract Luan, huh? Well, he's gonna need more than just..." [Counts the heads] "1, 2... uh, 3..."

Lance: "I counted 26."

Giggles: "Oh, thanks."

Lance: "I'm a fast thinker. So, I can count fast."

Giggles: "Well, you better message Luan just as fast, 'cause we need to be prepared for this."

Lance: "Oh, I will." [Texts Luan on his phone] "Those two boneheads will rue the day they crossed my best friend."

[The weekend has come. Vanzilla and a bus that Jackson is borrowing arrive at Funny Farm, and the family drops Luan off.]

Luan: "Well, guys, this is it. I'm really gonna miss you, but-"

[The rest of the family eagerly bid her farewell.]

Luan: [Shrugs] "Oh, what the heck?" [Realizes something] "Wait, wait! I changed my mind!"

Luna: [Horrified] "PUNCH IT, DAD!"

[Luan opens the door, and her siblings scream in horror.]

Luan: [Holds up pink shoes] "I want the blue clown shoes, not the pink ones."

[Her siblings sigh with relief.]

Lynn: [Gives Luan the blue shoes in a hurry.] "Here, take them all!"

Leni: [Gives Luan her own shoes in a panic] "Take my spares too, just to be safe!"

[Vanzilla drives off with the rest of the family cheering. Luan shrugs off and heads inside the camp.]

Bluebell: "Okay. Luan is here in Kentucky, and we get to have a relaxing April Fool's Day with only verbal pranks and not physical ones."

Kat: [Hastily] "Which means we don't have to stay at your house for the weekend. So, you might as well-" [Jackson covers her mouth]

Jackson: "Luan tends to set things up in advance. So, we need to check the house and de-prank anything we can find." [GJ and Kat growl at this]

[Suddenly, the bus starts to splutter. The Loud Family turns to the bus upon hearing it.]

Lily: "Poo-Poo?"

[Cut back to the bus.]

Chad: "Jackson, don't tell us the engine's gone wonky." [Both vehicles pull over, and Jackson checks the gauges]

Jackson: "Nope. It appears we have an oil leak."

Sophie: "But we're still two states away from Michigan." [Starts to panic] "Does this mean we're stranded?!"

Clyde: "Calm down, Sophie. We're not stranded. We passed by a gas station on the way here." [Jackson disembarks] "We can just get someone over there to check it out."

Jackson: "Guess I'm walkin'."

[The Louds approach the bus.]

Lynn Sr: "What happened?"

Jackson: "Oil leak. I'm heading over to the gas station." [Leaves]

Lynn: "I'll come with you!" [Follows him as Lana checks the underside of the bus.] "I'll get everyone some snacks just in case."

Lana: "Uh, Jax?" [Jackson stops and turns to her.] "It's not just an oil leak. It looks like someone punctured a hole in the underside."

[Jackson approaches Lana and checks the underside of the bus. Sure enough, the hole in question looks intentional.]

Jackson: "Huh. How'd that happen?"

Lincoln: "Maybe, the gas station guy can have a look at it."

[As Jackson, Lynn, and Lana leave for the gas station, Giggles and Lance pop out of a bush just a few feet away from the two vehicles, with Lance wielding an airsoft gun. revealing the cause of the puncture.]

Lance: "Okay, I need to ask. How are we supposed to hitch a ride on the bus if they're gonna be checking the one spot that we're supposed to be clinging onto?"

Giggles: "According to Luan, Jackson always checks from inside the vehicle to see if everything is in working order after being 100% sure of the exterior. It takes him about 4 minutes or so, and that'll give us ample time to cling onto the underside of the bus."

Lance: "4 minutes?"

Giggles: "Or so."

Lance: [Sighs] "Sometimes, I can't tell if he comes from a military bloodline or a police bloodline."

Giggles: "Maybe both. Or maybe his dad worked in the military police."

Lance: [Scoffs] "People hardly work for that portion of the military."

[Later, the bus is fixed, thanks to Lana and the gas station worker, and everyone hops back into their vehicles, but unknown to them, Giggles and Lance stealthily crawl their way towards the bus and cling on while Jackson does his inspection from inside before taking off. Later that night, Vanzilla suddenly breaks down in the middle of the road.]

Mollie: [Annoyed] "Now, what's happening?"

Jackson: "Looks like Vanzilla's in trouble too."

Darren: "Another oil leak?"

Mig: "Or are they out of fuel?"

Jackson: "Actually, it looks like they're the ones having engine trouble."

BJ: "Broken fan belt?"

Kyle: "A busted radiator?"

Liam: "It could be a dead battery for all we know."

Jackson: "No, it looks more like an overheat."

Lynn Sr: [Banging on the dashboard] "Ah, dang it! Sorry, guys. Looks like Vanzilla just died on us." [Jackson and the schoolmates approach Vanzilla]

Jackson: "What happened now?"

Lynn Sr: "Vanzilla just died on us, but we don't know how."

Lana: "I'm on it, Dad!" [Checks under her seat and finds nothing.] "Huh, that's weird." [Looks under the seat.] "I thought I packed my toolbox."

Lynn Sr: "It's okay, sweetie. We'll just get a tow in the morning. There's a motel right there."

BUTTZ MOTEL

FREE WI-FI

COLOR TV

AIR COND

Joy: "Why is it called the 'Buttz Motel'?"

Jackson: "I have no clue."

Rusty: "Well, it's better than nothing." [He and the boys head over the building]

Sophie: "But our bus is still working. Can't we just head back to Michigan first?"

GJ: "Sophie's right. I don't wish to spend the night in the same state as Luan."

Kat: "Yeah, we should get a head start."

Sadie: "And leave the Louds alone?"

Connie: "Not gonna happen, Hutchins. We need to stick together." [Kat and GJ growl]

Mollie: "Quit trying to weasel your way out." [Pushes them along]

Lola: [Scoffs at the motel's condition] "Lola Loud does not stay in two-star motels!"

[One of the stars on the signs breaks off.]

Cristina: "It wouldn't hurt to issue some maintenance."

Renee: "If they can afford it."

Rita: [Smug] "Well, there you go. Now it's a one-star, so you're good."

[Lola pouts as Lincoln and Luna try not to laugh while everyone else rolls their eyes.]

Leni: "I don't care if this place has 40 stars or so! I just wanna be away from Luan's nonsense!"

[Later, the family is now in one of the rooms, all sleeping except Lana.]

Lana: [Praying] "And please watch over Cliff, Charles, Geo, and Walt, and Izzy, Hops, Bitey, Fangs, El Diablo-"

Lori: [Wakes up crankily] "Lana!"

Lana: "But I didn't get to my ant colony yet."

Lori: "I don't care! Good night!"

[Lori goes back to sleep, and Lana curls up and goes to sleep too. Just then, a cricket starts chirping non-stop, waking Jackson up.]

Jackson: "I'm... gonna... keep watch if anyone needs me." [Slowly makes his way towards the door]

Lori: "Jackson, it's a motel, not a campsite."

Jackson: "Well, knowing Luan, I might as well keep watch anyway."

[He is about to close the door, but the cricket's chirping gets louder, waking Lincoln up.]

Lincoln: "Seriously? That's not bothering anyone else?"

Lynn: [In a hammock, thinking Lincoln was talking about her flatulence] "Oh, my bad. Those gas station burritos always get me going."

Lincoln: "Not that, LJ, the cricket." [Starts walking across the room, stepping on two of his sisters sleeping in the spots along the way.]

Lisa: "Ouch!"

Luna: "Seriously, dude?!"

Lincoln: "I'm sorry. I can't see anything."

Jackson: "Let me just turn on a light." [Flips the switch only to somehow turn on the TV at full volume.]

Sisters & Parents: [They wake up furiously] "JACKSON!!!"

Jackson: "Sorry." [Flips the switch, but nothing happens, prompting him to rapidly try again over and over]

Lynn Sr: "Why isn't it working? Isn't that what turned the TV on?"

Jackson: "I don't know why it's not working."

Rita: "Lincoln, try one of the knobs."

Lincoln: "O-Okay!" [Frantically pulls the knob on the TV, which somehow activates the vibrating setting on his parents' bed.]

Lynn Sr: [Vibrating] "Lincoln! You're vibrating the bed!" [Falls out of bed.] "Oh!"

Lincoln: "I'm sorry! I can't figure out how anything works in here!"

[As Lincoln and Jackson keep trying to shut everything off, the alarm clock goes off and Lynn turns it off, and the coffee machine starts leaking.]

Lynn: "Oh, sure! The clock works, but nothing else is!"

[The commotion wakes the schoolmates up, and they head over to check it out.]

Jackson: "WHY AREN'T ANY OF THESE WORKING?!"

Lincoln: "I DON'T KNOW!"

Rita: "Boys, just stop hitting switches! You're making things worse!" [The boys comply as she looks for the plug.] "Now, where is the dang plug for this thing?" [Gets hit by a following wall light.] "Oh!"

Leni: "I'll get some more towels to clean up that coffee!" [Runs to the bathroom and gets sprayed by a blast of water and screams.]

Jackson: [Promptly runs to her aid, unknowingly dropping something tiny by Lincoln.] "Oh, jeez! Len! LEN!" [Slips on the coffee leak and collides with Leni, which gets him stuck in the same blast]

Lana: [Irritated] "Oh, for crying out loud." [Approaches the power box and inspects it.] "Let's see."

[A livid Kat kicks the door open.]

Kat: "WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

Zach: "We're trying to sleep!"

Lincoln: "Something's wrong with our room!"

Haiku: "What could possibly be the problem?"

Lucy: "Beats us." [Lincoln spots the tiny object and grabs it]

Lincoln: "A toy cricket?" [Notices a familiar logo] "Wait. Maybe this is the source of-"

[Suddenly, everything stops.]

Tabby: "Oh, there we go."

GJ: "Finally!"

Polly: "About time."

Lana: "Well, that should do it." [Shows everyone that she wired everything properly.] "Whoever wired this place had no idea what they were doing when they were building everything."

Lincoln: [Skeptical] "Oh, on the contrary, Lana. I think they knew exactly what they were doing. Look what I found." [Holds up a synthetic cricket with a familiar logo.] "This cricket is a fake! It's from Fanny's Prank Emporium!"

[Everyone else gasps.]

Lori: "That's where Luan gets all her pranking supplies!"

Lynn: [Gasps] "You don't think she's behind this, do you?"

Rita: [Scoffs at the notion] "She can't be. She's at camp. I'll call her right now." [Calls Luan]

Rocky: "Well, don't just gawk at it. Can't you turn it off?"

Lincoln: "Hold on, Rocky. I'm looking for the..." [Finds a power button.] "Oh, here it is." [Presses it, finally turning it off.] "There. No more chirping." [Everyone else sighs with relief]

Rita: "Luan's not answering. Then again, it is dark. So, she's obviously sleeping."

Lori: "Or she's busy plotting the next portion of her prank attack."

[Jackson's phone chimes, and he checks.]

Jackson: "I just got a voicemail." [His eyes widen.] "It's from Luan!"

All: "Luan?!"

Leni: "What did she send?"

Jackson: "Let me check." [Presses "Play"]

Luan's Voicemail: "Hello, family. I hope you're enjoying your stay. Buckle up. There's mo-telling what's gonna happen next." [Evil laugh] "Get it? I hope you did." [Sternly] "Especially you, Jax."

[Voicemail ends.]

Jackson: [Nonchalantly] "Yep. It's her."

[Everyone except Lynn Senior and Jackson screams.]

Lynn Sr: "Okay, everybody. Stay calm. We'll just go to the manager and get a new room."

Lisa: [Suspicious] "How do we know that's not exactly what Luan wants us to do? I vote we stay put."

Darren: "I second that!"

Sadie: [Stammering] "Exactly! If we stay in one spot, Luan won't get us."

[The three sit on one of the beds, and it suddenly pulls back into the wall, trapping them inside.]

Jackson: "Lis!"

Mig: "Darren!"

Joy: "Sadie!"

Lincoln: "Hang on, you guys! We'll get you out!"

Lisa: [Muffled inside] "Negative! Proceed without us. We're safer in here."

Lynn Sr: "Let's go."

[The others leave, but Lincoln drops the fake cricket on the way out, and it lands on the power button, turning it back on.]

Sadie: [Muffled inside] "Did the cricket just turn back on?"

Darren: [Muffled inside] "Lincoln must've dropped it."

Lisa: [Annoyed] "LINCOLN! THE CRICKET! YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!"

[The rest of the team runs for it, but the flooring is starting to give way.]

Clyde: "Ah! She cut the floorboards!"

[Everyone stops. Suddenly, Luna, Liam, and Tabby fall through the floor. The others see they landed right on top of a giant gelatin block.]

Lynn: [Holding her leg out with Polly lowering her.] "Luna, Liam, Tabby, grab my foot! I'll pull you to safety with my quads!"

Luna: [With her fingers covered in gelatin] "We can't, dude! Major gelatin hands!

Liam: "We're cool here! Don't worry about us!"

Tabby: "Just keep surviving until the night is over!"

Luna: "Carry on, my wayward sons!" [Sinks into the gelatin with Liam and Tabby slowly behind.]

Jackson: "Don't you mean 'siblings'?"

Polly: [Pulls him along] "Come on, man!"

[The rest of the team approaches the door to the lobby with the door's handle gleaming.]

All: [Touching their noses] "DIBS NOT!"

[Leni realizes she put her finger in her ear instead of on her nose.]

Leni: "Dang it! I always do it wrong."

Jackson: "Ahem." [They turn to see Jackson touching his forehead]

Lynn Sr: "Why did you touch your forehead?"

Jackson: "Eh... Saluting habit."

Rita: "Saluting habit?"

GJ: [Bluntly] "You're pathetic." [Everyone glares at her]

Jackson: "My dad was a military sergeant! Give me a break!"

Leni: "Let's just open the door already, Jax." [She and Jackson carefully approach the door, with Jackson pulling his pistol out.] "I open, you shoot?"

Jackson: "On 3. 1... 2... 3!" [Leni opens the door, and Jackson aims as soon as possible, but they get knocked back by an instantly inflating clown prop that sends Leni flying into Andrew and Joy, while Jackson frantically shoots the prop, deflating it.] "Where's Leni?"

Lincoln: "Where's Andrew?"

Cristina: "Where's Joy?"

[The screaming trio in question flies into the sign, which now has flypaper, trapping them on it, where they see neon lights that form Luan laughing at them as her family and the schoolmates gasp.]

Leni: "You guys go on without us! I'd rather be stuck up here than get pranked by Luan!"

Joy: "You would, but I wouldn't!"

Andrew: "Neither would I!"

[The others rush into the lobby; Lynn Senior rings the bell, and the manager, a feeble old man, pops up.]

Lynn Sr: "Good evening, sir. We need some new rooms."

Manager: "What's wrong with your current rooms?"

Jackson: "The second floor is rigged with traps! We need to be somewhere safer!"

Manager: [Sighs] "Fine. You can have 1A." [Gives them the key]

Lola: [Snatches it.] "Princesses first!"

BJ: "Lola, wait!"

[They run to room 1A, and Lola, BJ, and Bluebell go into it, but the sign is a fake, as it falls off and reveals that they ran into a broom closet. A strange odor comes out, and the trio screams. They then open the door and let out a skunk.]

BJ: [Stinky and defeated] "Dang it, Lola." [Faints]

Bluebell: [Stinky and defeated] "We reacted too fast." [Faints]

Lola: [Stinky and defeated] "The rat skunked me." [Faints]

Jackson: "You mean, the skunk ratted you."

Lana: [Grabs the key] "The real 1A's over there." [Sees Rusty about to open the door and stops him.] "Don't touch that handle! Remember what happened to Leni, Andrew, and Joy."

Leni: [Still stuck on the sign] "Hi, you guys!" [Andrew and Joy groan in annoyance while Lily waves to her.]

Zach: "I have an idea. Lana, GJ, follow me!" [He, Lana, and GJ grab a room service trolley.]

All 3: "CHARGE!" [They bust down the door, but they suddenly fall and land in a hole.]

Zach: "Another trap."

GJ: "I should've known."

Lana: "We're okay! We landed in pie!" [Slurps the filling, causing her face to swell up and talk muffled.] "And of course, she made it rhubarb pie, which I'm allergic to."

Rocky: "She's using our allergies for jokes?! She's a monster!"

Haiku: "Who's to say that she won't use our fears?"

Clyde: "Well, you gotta admit, Luan gets real creative with her pranks every year."

Kat: [Petrified] "I thought we didn't have to worry about Luan anymore now that she's at camp. But she's not at camp! She's here! Pranking us! [Shakes Lincoln] I'm not ready, Lincoln! I'M NOT READY!"

Lori: [Petrified] "I can't take this anymore! I'm getting out of here!"

Kat: [Follows her] "Take me with you!"

Papa Wheelie: [Follows them] "Wait for me!"

[The trio rushes to Vanzilla and relaxes, but suddenly, a beeping is heard until they get hit by the airbags.]

Lori: "MY EYEBROWS!"

Jackson: [Approaches Vanzilla and opens the door.] "And Roswell calls me 'Pathetic'." [Tries to pull Lori out]

Papa Wheelie: [Muffled] "It's no use! We're pinned against the seats!"

Lori: "Just leave us, Jackson!"

Kat: [Muffled] "WHAT?!" [Jackson does so, much to Kat's horror.] "WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THESE TWO! DELANEY!"

Sophie: [Petrified] "Oh, gosh! This is it! The end! There's no way outta here! We're all doomed to be pranked to death!"

Connie: [Slaps her] "Keep it together, Clovis!"

Lynn Sr: "Quick! To the basement! It's always the safest place in an emergency!"

[The remaining family members and schoolmates rush down to the basement and into the laundry room. Inside, Lily notices a rattle on the floor, giggles, and toddles over to it.]

Rita: "Lily, no!"

Mollie: [She and Mig grab Lily.] "It could be a trap!" [Rita grabs Lily and gives her to her husband, but they hear a rattling from the laundry chute, which they're directly under.]

Mig: "Oh, the chute!" [The trio gets buried under an avalanche of dirty laundry.]

Mollie: "We're trapped!"

Rita: "Save yourselves!"

Lynn Sr: "Come on, kids! Say 'Goodbye' to your mother!"

[As they escape, Lucy gets her foot caught in a trigger rope, and a bucket of some white substance splashes onto her.]

Lucy: [Worried] "Please tell me this is not bleach." [Suddenly turns a pale white.] "And it's bleach. Go on without me. I don't wanna be seen in public like this." [Rocky and Haiku approach her.]

Rusty: "What are you doing?"

Rocky: "I'm not leaving her."

Haiku: "Someone has to keep her company and comfort her."

[The others begrudgingly leave, with Lincoln being pulled away by Jackson.]

Lynn Sr: [Kneeling on one knee] "Okay, take a knee."

[The kids do as told.]

Lynn Sr: "Now, I know... we're dropping like flies here. But let's not lose hope." [A fishing lure comes by and picks Lily up by her diaper, while Kyle and Renee frantically try to warn the others.] "If we stick together, we should be okay." [The lure lowers a monkey wearing a diaper down in Lily's place.]

Jackson: "What should we do?"

Lynn Sr: "Lynn Junior, why don't you grab the Lilster? And we'll find a safer spot to hide."

[Lynn picks up the monkey, who then starts attacking her, Rusty, Polly, Kyle, and Renee, making them scream and run off in a frenzy.]

Artie: "And there goes the last Loud girl."

Lynn Sr: [To Lincoln and Jackson] "Looks like it's just you two, me, and 6 others, boys. What do you say we go hide in the boiler room?" [Suddenly pulls his sleeve and checks something on his arm.] "Ah, wait. Uh... Oh, the-the roof is next."

Lincoln: [Confused] "'The roof is next'? What does that mean?"

Chad: [Suspicious] "And why did you just look at your arm like that?"

Clyde: [Stern] "Are you hiding something from us, Mister Loud?"

Lynn Sr: [Nervous] "What? I- No, I'm not hiding anything." [Starts licking his arm.]

[Lincoln grabs his dad's arm and sees that it's a list of all of the places they went to in the motel, including the spots where most of the team got pranked at.]

Lincoln: "'Room 2C, Hallway, Lobby, Room 1A, Laundry Room'?"

Artie: "These are all the places where we got pranked!"

[The kids gasp.]

Jackson: [Pulls out his pistol and aims at Lynn Senior.] "You've been helping her!"

[Lynn Senior quiets his son and their housemate and takes them and the other kids into the janitor's closet, which is dark.]

Lynn Sr: "Okay, I admit it!" [Turns on the light.] "I've been on Luan's scheme the whole time. A few weeks ago, she and Giggles came to me."

[Flashback to Lynn Senior driving in Vanzilla a few weeks prior to April Fool's Day. He is whistling casually, only to see Luan and Giggles in his rear-view mirror sporting a pair of malicious grins, making him scream at the sight of them.]

Giggles: "Hey, Mister Loud."

Lynn Sr: "Do you two mind?!"

Cristina's Narration: "What did they want from you?" 

Lynn Sr's Narration: "They said that they needed an inside man to pull off her biggest April Fool's ever, one that could potentially take down Jackson, considering what he did before." [Cut to Lance showing up at the Loud House under the cover at night.] "And before long, we were joined by your schoolmate, Lance Keaton, who cited that he wants payback for Lincoln ditching Trent and those other boys because of Ronnie Anne." [Cut to Lynn Senior making the Funny Farms ad, revealing it to be a hoax the whole time, all under the watchful eye of Luan, who once again had her villain chair and Cliff on her lap.] "It was a very sophisticated operation." [Cut to Giggles and Lance planting the ad on Leni's bed, thus explaining how she randomly woke up with it.] "First, we planted a fake ad in one of Leni's magazines." [Cut to the quartet in Vanzilla arriving in Kentucky, specifically the same spot where the "camp" is located.] "Then, we set up a fake clown camp. Now, that wasn't as easy. Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy land?"

Connie's Narration: "Well, Luan has racked up enough money to do whatever she wants on April 1st."

[Cut to the family and the schoolmates approaching the hotel, with Lynn Senior staying behind to pull something out of Vanzilla and deactivate it, revealing...]

Lynn Sr's Narration: "We faked the van breaking down with a little help from one of Luna's fog machines." [Lynn Senior gently kicks Vanzilla twice, signalling for Luan to drop down and crawl out from Vanzilla's underside.] "And of course, Luan wasn't gonna miss seeing you all get pranked." [Luan stealthily heads over to the bus and does the same for Giggles and Lance. Cut to when the team gets the keys from the manager.] "The manager? That's her, wearing a disguise crafted by Giggles and Lance. Those three have been watching everything on the security cameras in the motel's office."

[When the trio checks the cameras right before the team goes to sleep, Luan takes off her disguise, and the trio laughs evilly. End flashback.]

Lincoln: [Furious] "Dad, how could you sell out your own family like that?"

Jackson: "Not to mention your son's schoolmates!"

Lynn Sr: "Luan promised me a prank-free decade! A DECADE, BOYS!"

Cristina: [Betrayed] "I hope it was worth it."

Connie: [Betrayed] "Thanks to you, Luan is circumventing what's supposed to be our circumvention."

[Sophie leans onto Lincoln, who pets her hair.]

Lynn Sr: [Guilty] "Oh, it was not worth it. I feel terrible! What kind of father am I? What kind of..." [Sobs] "...husband am I to Rita?" [Starts crying in shame.]

Lincoln: [Consoling] "It's okay, Dad. You're not the bad guy here. Our contempt should be saved for Luan, Lance, and Giggles."

Lynn Sr: "No, no, son. I'm just as guilty. I went along with them!" [Realizes] "But... maybe, it's not too late to redeem myself. What do you think of putting 'Operation Find Our Family & Crew & Get Back At Luan For Causing Years Of Emotional Damage & Also Think Of A Shorter Name For This Operation' into action?"

Lincoln: [Determined] "I'm in!"

[The others sigh and give a thumbs-up to show that they're in as well.]

[Back in the security room, Luan watches as her brother, housemate, and father step into the elevator to go to the roof, unaware of their team-up.]

Luan: "My pranking is about to reach new heights!" [Laughs] "Get it?" [Realizes she's alone] "Oh. There's no one here. Lance and Giggles are outside." [Checks the cameras until she finds her accomplices, also wearing disguises, looking around the area.]

Lance: "Lincoln! I know you're out here!" [Luan rolls her eyes.] "Come out and face me for what you did to my besties!"

Giggles: "I thought Trent was your only bestie."

Lance: "My #1 bestie." [Luan sighs and switches back to the elevator camera.]

[As Lynn Senior presses the button on the elevator, it suddenly stops, and Lynn Senior calls the "manager". Luan then answers the phone.]

Lynn Sr: "Hello, Manager? This is Lynn Loud Senior. My son, his roommate, and I were just headed up to the roof, but we seem to have gotten stuck in the elevator."

Luan: [Manager voice] "Uh... I'll be right there." [Hangs up and gets her mask; normal voice] "This is what Gig, Lance, and I get for hiring an amateur." [Puts on her mask and pulls out a radio.] "Team, meet with me at the elevator."

[Later, the villainous trio fixes the elevator while fully disguised.]

Lance: "That should do it."

[Just as the elevator door opens, the clown prop that got Leni, Andrew, and Joy gets Luan, Lance, and Giggles, knocking their disguises off and sending them flying into the sign with her own neon lights, making it look like it's now laughing at them.]

Giggles: "Stupid sign."

[The flypaper gives way, and they fall face-first into some pies on the trap bed before getting catapulted in the air.]

Luan, Lance, & Giggles: "Whoa!"

[They land in the dirty laundry, which activates the airbag, sending them flying into the gelatin that Luna, Liam, and Tabby sank into, and the skunk that sprayed Lola, BJ, and Bluebell sprays them. The monkey then puts on a helmet on each of them and pulls a trio of cords, revealing that they're now wearing Prank-Me-Not Ponchos. The cords come off, and the ponchos start inflating. The rest of the team comes to celebrate their victory.]

Lynn Sr: "We did it, you guys! We finally beat Luan at her own game!"

Jackson: "Losers!"

[Luan's poncho inflates so much that she floats up, with Lance and Giggles stuck at a moderate height. The team continues to celebrate, but...]

Luan: [Condescendingly] "Clap, clap, clap. Well done, family and friends. You got us. You may have won this time, but next year, I'm gonna stop going easy on you and give you all an April Fool's you'll never forget! ESPECIALLY YOU, DAD!" [The villainous trio starts laughing maniacally.]

Lynn Sr: [Horrified along with the others] "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

[The rest of the team runs away screaming in terror as Luan keeps floating and laughing along with Lance and Giggles until they trail off upon realizing something.]

Luan: "How are we gonna get down from here?"

???: "Hmm."

[They look down to see that Jackson had stayed behind, smugly polishing his pistol.]

Jackson: "I'm the only person in the area who could let you down, but... I'm gonna need some assurances, Luan."

Luan: "Name them."

Jackson: "Are you gonna be nice to Lincoln and me the next time you try something like this?"

Luan: "Uh, sure."

Jackson: "Are you gonna be nice to Lori?"

Luan: "Yes, of course."

Jackson: "Are you gonna be nice to Leni?"

Luan: "Yes."

Jackson: "Are you gonna be nice to your roommate?"

Luan: "Of course, I'm gonna be nice to her."

Jackson: "Are you gonna be nice to LJ?"

Luan: "Yes!"

Jackson: "Are you gonna be nice to Lucy?"

Luan: [Annoyed] "Yes! And the twins! And Lisa! And Lily! And Mom and Dad! And I won't bribe or blackmail anyone ever again!"

Jackson: [Smirks] "Are you gonna be nice to Clyde?"

Luan: [Irate] "JUST GET US DOWN ALREADY, JACKSON!" [Jackson chuckles mischievously]

Lance: [Irate] "I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"

Giggles: "My parents are gonna kill me if I show up late for the next event."

Luan: "I really have to use the bathroom!"

[Jackson continues his mischievous chuckle as the episode irises out on all four of them.]

Chapter Text

[Morning at the Loud House. Lori is snoring away in her bed when someone's boot kicks her in the face and wakes her up.]

Lori: "What? Who is that?" [Sniffs] "Oh, Lana." [Pulls the cover, revealing the tomboyish twin.] "Let me guess. Another bad dream?"

Lana: "Mm." [Lori pats her head]

Lori: "It's natural."

[Lana snores, tosses and turns, and unknowingly kicks Lori off her bed. Enter Lola with a serious case of bedhead.]

Lola: "Lori, can you get my tangles out?"

[Walt appears in her hair and flies away. Lola gives Lori a brush, and Lori starts brushing, albeit violently.]

Lola: "Ow! Not like a gorilla!" [Hears Lori's phone ringing and answers it.] "Hello?"

Bobby: [Over the phone] "Oh, hey, Lola. Is Lori available? I need to tell her something."

Lola: "Sorry. She's busy at the moment. She'll call you back, Boo-Boo Bear." [Hangs up before Bobby could ask]

Lori: [Angry] "Lola!"

[The phone rings again, and Lola struggles to keep the phone away from Lori, but Lori easily overtakes her and answers her phone.]

Lori: "Hi, Boo-Boo Bear. Sorry about that. Lola's just being grumpy... as usual."

[Leni exits the closet]

Leni: "Lori, does this outfit clash with my toenail color?"

Lori: [Examines] "Nah. It's fine." [Back on the phone] "So, Bobby, how was your night?"

[Enter Lucy and Lynn, with the former beating up the latter. The boys then follow, trying to stop them.]

Lynn: "Let go of me!"

Lucy: "You broke my beloved!"

Lincoln: "Lucy, behave yourself!"

Jackson: "Get off your sister!"

Lynn: "You heard them! Get off of me!"

[Their fight knocks Lori's phone out of her hand.]

Lori: "Guys, what are you doing?" [They all stop]

Lucy: "Lynn broke Edwin's fang." [Holds up the Edwin bust, revealing his shattered fang.] "Tell her she has to pay for his dental work."

Lincoln: "Luce."

Lynn: "He's a statue! The only thing I'm paying for is you getting your brain checked!" [Lucy growls]

[Enter Lisa]

Lisa: "A brain check, you say? If you give me ten minutes, I can warm up my MRI machine."

Jackson: "She doesn't need one, Lis."

[Enter Luan]

Luan: "Or we could just give her a CAT scan!" [Holds up Cliff on the punchline and laughs.] "Get it?" [Pets Cliff] "I was talking about you, Cliffy."

Jackson: "She really loves that cat, doesn't she?"

Lori: "EVERYBODY, OUT! I'm trying to talk to Bobby!" [Her sisters leave, and she sighs heavily.] "Finally."

Lincoln: "Uh..."

Lori: "You two were trying to stop Lynn and Lucy. Just... don't make too much noise."

Leni: "Real quick. Is this outfit cuter?"

Lori: [Exasperated] "Leni, it's literally the same outfit."

[Leni scoots out of the room.]

Leni: "I... won't bother you anymore."

Lori: "We'll talk later."

[Lori picks up her phone while Lincoln and Jackson rest on Lori and Leni's beds respectively.]

Lori: "Ah. Where were we, Boo-Boo Bear? Did you dream about me last night?"

[Enter Mister Coconuts]

Mr. Coconuts: "Sure did, toots! We were smooching, and you were loving it." [Kisses Lori while making smooching sounds]

Lori: "AH! Luan! Get out of here!"

[Luan runs out laughing with Jackson chasing her, and Lori growls viciously.]

Bobby: "Babe, what was that growl? Is there a gorilla in there? Or were your sisters bothering you again?"

[Lori looks irritated.]

[Later, Lori is having a meeting with her siblings.]

Lori: "Guys, we have to talk. I am literally almost an adult. I can't live like this anymore."

Lynn: "So, you're finally gonna see a doctor about your flatulence problem?" [Jackson facepalms]

Lori: [Offended] "What? I don't have a flatulence problem! I'm talking about living in this house. I can't even have an uninterrupted conversation with Bobby or sleep through the night without getting kicked in the face."

Lana: "Aren't you kind of exaggerating?" [Lori shows a shoe mark on her face proving that she's not exaggerating.] "Oh."

Lincoln: "For once, I'm not even gonna argue about that."

Lori: "So, I talked to Mom and Dad, and they said it was okay for me to move into the garage."

[Her siblings gasp]

Lola: "You can't leave! We need you!"

Lori: "You'll be fine. Besides, I'll be right by the house if you need anything. And if I'm not available, talk to Jackson."

[A few days have passed by. Everyone is moving all of Lori's stuff into the garage.]

Leni: "Oh, Lori, you're so lucky you get your own room."

Lori: "Well, you'll just have to wait for a year or so in order to get your own, Leni."

[Lana comes out of a hole in the wall now with a toilet installed.]

Lana: "Bathroom's all set. Go easy on her at first. No heavy meals."

Lori: "Fine with me."

Rita: "Oh, I can't believe it. Our first little bird is leaving the nest."

Lynn Sr: "I said I wouldn't cry." [But he breaks down into tears, unable to hold it any longer.]

Lori: "You guys, I'm only 20 feet from the house, and you can visit anytime you want." [Realizes] "But call first." [Shoves her parents out of the garage and finds her siblings still in there.]

Lincoln: "Parents. Am I right? So, what are we doing tonight?"

Lori: "We're not doing anything tonight, Lincoln."

Leni: "Then, when is a good time?"

Jackson: "Let's discuss it tomorrow. Maybe, we'll do something at the end of the week."

[Lori shoves her siblings and their housemate out of the garage.]

Lori: "Jackson's right, you know. I'll see you tomorrow." [Closes the door]

[7:20 PM]

Lori: [Sighs relieved on her bed] "Alone at last."

[A montage begins with Lori getting used to her new arrangements. She paints a pattern on her toenails and takes a photo of them. She reads some magazines, using sticky notes as bookmarks. She watches TV while eating popcorn. She dances around barefoot with a radio playing music. She falls back onto her bed, finally calling it a day.]

Lori: [Sighs] "This is literally amazing." [Yawns and stretches] "Well, must be about bedtime." [Looks at her clock and sees she's only been living in the garage for ten minutes.] "Hmm." [Calls Bobby] "Hey, Boo-Boo Bear. Tell me about your day."

Bobby: "Sorry, Babe. I'm really slammed at the store."

Lori: "Slammed? How slammed?"

Bobby: "Unbelievably." [Shows impatient-looking customers] "I'm literally the only person working h-"

Lori: [Angry] "Well, fine! I'm busy too! So, bye!" [Hangs up before Bobby can say anything and looks around for something to do.]

[Cut to a yoga show]

Yoga Instructor: "Now, gently rock forward as we go into Crab Pose."

[Lori tries to get into the pose as well, but she trips over with a yelp and lands on her chin, much to her annoyance. Now, she's in bed. She sighs, bored, and notices that only five minutes have passed. She then hears some noise coming from outside and sees that it's her next-door neighbor, Mister Grouse, working on his lawnmower.]

Lori: "Hi, Mister Grouse! Looks like we're going to be neighbors."

Mr. Grouse: "We're already neighbors, kid."

Lori: "Closer neighbors. I moved into the garage."

Mr. Grouse: [Groans] "I don't care." [Starts mowing his lawn while Lori looks on bored.] "Mind your own business, okay?"

[Later that night, in the house, Jackson is finishing brushing his teeth, while Lana is struggling with her hair.]

Jackson: "Alrighty. Time for a vigilante patrol."

Lola: "Ugh. BRB." [Leaves] "Lisa!"

Lisa: "Yes, Lola?"

Lola: "Can you help me out?" [Lisa peeks out of her other room.] "I can't get this tangle out of my hair! What am I supposed to do?"

Lisa: "Fear not, sibling! As it happens, I've been working on a new detangling formula." [Sprays it in Lola's hair, making her scream, but the effect causes it all to fall out in a single "POOF!", leaving her bald and making Jackson's jaw drop.]

Lola: [Frantic] "MY HAIR! [Angrily grabs Lisa by the shirt front] WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

Lisa: "You should have specified that you wanted to keep it. On a related note, may I keep it?"

Jackson: "Why?"

Lola: [Releases Lisa] "I tell you, Jackson! This never would have happened if Lori had stayed in our blasted house instead of the stupid garage!" [Storms off]

[Lisa gets back up and takes some of her sister's hair.]

Jackson: [Bluntly] "Creep." [Leaves]

[Meanwhile, at the garage, a squirrel chirps, and Lori sees that her clock says 11:00 PM.]

Lori: [Tired] "Ah, finally, bedtime." [Turns off the light and finds it to be really dark and scary; frightened.] "It's darker out here than I thought."

[The wind howls, branches thump against the garage, Mister Grouse bales up the leaves and throws a squirrel at Lori's window, and Lori gets so scared she backs up into the button that opens the garage door, causing her pictures to fall off, making her scream. She closes it and grabs a rake, shaking in fear.]

Lori: "Jackson... help."

[Back in the house, Lana runs into Leni's room, screaming.]

Leni: "What's wrong, Lana?"

Lana: "Leni, I had a nightmare."

Leni: "It's okay. Tell me about it."

Lana: [Gets up on Leni's bed] "Well, first, the blood-sucking aliens were chasing me-"

Leni: [Gasps in horror] "Did they see you come in here? Quick, help me with this dresser!" [Blocks the door with said dresser]

Lana: "I wish Lori had stayed home. She would make us feel safe."

Leni: "I know, but we can't bug her. She wants to be alone." [Tries to sound comforting] "A-And besides, she is technically home. She's just... using the garage as her own personal house. It's not like there's any space to put Vanzilla in there."

Lana: "What difference does it make?"

[Back in the garage, Lori is protecting herself with all sorts of weapons; she sits all through the night to morning; her phone rings, making her scream, and she answers.]

Lori: [Still shaken] "Bobby?"

Bobby: "Hey, babe! How's Casa Lori?"

Lori: "Terrible! This was a big mistake."

Bobby: "I'm sorry. Hey, why don't you just move back in with the family?"

Lori: "I made such a big deal about wanting to be on my own. If I came crawling back now, they'd never let me live it down." [A van is heard in the call's background] "What's going on?"

Bobby: [Looks outside] "Oops! Babe, I gotta go. The exterminator's here. Papa thought he saw a mouse in the store. It might have been a moldy marshmallow, but we're not taking any chances."

Lori: [Inspired] "A mouse, huh? Hmm." [Gets some mice from the pet store later on and puts them on the floor.] "Okay, guys, scatter!"

[The mice do as instructed, and Lori gets on her chair]

Lori: "Ahem." [Screams; pretending to be in peril] "HELP!"

[Lincoln, Luna, Lana, Lola (who is now wearing a wig from Lisa's experiment), Lisa, and their dad run in.]

Lynn Sr: "What's wrong?"

Lori: [Feigning fear] "There are literally mice in here!"

Lynn Sr: "Oh, honey, I'm sure you're-" [Sees the mice scurrying and hops up with Lori in fear.] "NEVER MIND! MOVE IN BACK INTO THE HOUSE! THIS PLACE IS A HORROR SHOW!"

Lori: "Oh, and I love it here so much." [Nonchalantly] "But if you say so." [Starts packing]

Lisa: "Actually, I have a better solution, Lori: My new ultrasonic mousetrap." [Holds out the invention and activates it, sending hypnotic waves which control the mice into going in.] "It works due to the simple-minded nature of the mice."

Lori: "Huh. Interesting." [She and Lisa see Leni approaching the trap just like the mice did.] "Uh-oh."

Lisa: [Quickly snaps her fingers] "Not you, Leni!" [Deactivates it] "Problem solved. And it's a win-win. I get new research subjects, and you get your beloved abode back."

Lori: [Irately grateful] "Great."

[Everyone leaves except Lynn Senior, who's still cowering.]

Lori: "Dad, the mice are gone."

Lynn Sr: [Puts on a confident face.] "Uh, yes, well, glad I could help." [Leaves]

[Lori looks on, annoyed.]

[The garage toilet springs a leak because Lori loosened it, and she hides the wrench under her bed.]

Lori: "Ahem." [Pretending] "HELP! I'VE GOT A LEAK!"

[Lynn Senior, Rita, and Lana rush in and see it.]

Rita: "Uh-uh. This is bad. You can't stay out here."

Lori: [Feigning despair] "No! I love it here so much!" [Takes a deep breath; Casually] "But then again... you're probably right. I can't stay in the garage." [Grabs her luggage]

Lana: "D-Don't worry, sis. I've got this." [Blows a whistle] "BUCKET BRIGADE!"

[Lynn passes a filled bucket to Lola, who passes it to Lisa, who passes it to Lucy, who passes it to Lincoln, who passes it to Luan, who passes it to Luna, who passes it to Leni, who pours it out, and Lana fixes the toilet.]

Lana: "I replaced the PVC with galvanized steel. So, she should definitely hold now."

Lori: [Lividly thankful] "Great."

[In the living room, the kids are doing their own things when Lori comes in.]

Lori: "You guys, help! I think the garage is haunted!" [Shows them a message on her mirror later on that reads "GET OUT!"] "See?"

Lucy: "'GET OUT!'." Hmm."

Jackson: "Don't tell me it's the ghost of Sharon DeMonet." [To himself] "If she existed, that is."

Lincoln: "Huh?"

Jackson: "N-Nothing. I'll tell you another time."

[Lori notices a lipstick dispenser, which reveals she used it to write the message on the mirror, and kicks it under her dresser with no one noticing.]

Lucy: [Cracks knuckles] "Let me do my thing." [Performs a séance later on] "Oh, spirit, speak to me. Hmm." [Claps and turns the lights on] "The ghost just explained everything."

Lori: [Surprised] "There's really a ghost?" [Realizes what she said and hides it.] "I mean, of course, there's a ghost. And clearly, he wants me to leave." [Grabs her luggage]

Lucy: "Actually, he apologized. He's leaving now. Something about looking for his house after mistaking the garage for it."

Lori: [Unsure] "Okay?" [Sees her siblings and housemate leave and lies on her bed.] "There must be some way out of here."

[She hears Mister Grouse driving his lawnmower, which hits a basketball that bounces against the garage wall; this gives Lori an idea.]

[Back in the living room, Luna is strumming her guitar, Jackson is polishing his baton, and Lincoln is reading a comic.]

Luan: "Dang it, Luna! Your fog machine warped Mister Coconuts' head!" [Shows her dummy's disfigured head; Jackson tries not to laugh]

Luna: "Can't prove it, dude!"

Luan: "Lincoln, tell her she has to pay to get him fixed!"

Lincoln: "Um... Okay. Luna, I think Luan has a point. You should pay up if it really is your fault."

Luna: [Shaking her fist threateningly] "You wanna think again, brah?"

Lincoln: "Yes, I do. Luan, I suggest providing proof that Luna is responsible first. If you don't have anything, then I think you should accept that fog machines are a part of life."

Luan: "Oh, I'll find proof."

Jackson: "I like to see ya try. You can barely pay attention to your own clock."

Mr. Coconuts: "I wouldn't be too hasty to say stuff like that to Luan, Slick! My cousin's a baseball bat!"

Jackson: "I wouldn't be surprised if LJ is the owner of said bat."

Lincoln: [Dismayed] "Dude, I wish Lori got involved in this. She always has the right solution with these two."

Mr. Grouse: "That's your solution to get you back into your house? That I drive my tractor through your garage?"

Lori: "Yes. In exchange for a tray of my dad's lasagna."

Mr. Grouse: "Well, what happens when your old man wants me to pay for the damage?"

Lori: "I'll give you the money out of my allowance."

Mr. Grouse: "Hot dinner, and I get to wreck your dad's garage? Now, that's a win-win!"

Lori: "Let's say tonight around 7:00?"

[The two shake on it.]

[Later, Lori and Luan are washing the dishes. Lori looks out the window, waiting for Mister Grouse to do his part.]

Luan: "Well, all done. I'd love to hang out and dish, but I'm sure you wanna go back to your place now."

[Lori still waits... until she realizes something and looks at her watch.]

Lori: "Uh, first, I should say goodnight to everyone." [Runs into the living room to her other siblings.] "Goodnight, Leni. Goodnight, Luna. Goodnight, Lynn. Goodnight, Lincoln."

Lola: "Move! You're blocking the TV!"

Lori: "Pfft. Well, now, I'm gonna have to start over. Goodnight, Leni. Goodnight, Luna. Goodnight, Lynn."

[A crash is heard]

Lori: [Gasps] "What was that?"

[The kids rush outside to see that Mister Grouse ruined Lori's plan.]

Mr. Grouse: "Dang it! I put her in reverse by mistake and knocked down my own garage! Can I still have your dad's lasagna?"

Lincoln: [Suspicious] "Knocked down the wrong garage?"

Luna: "Dad's lasagna?"

Luan: "Lori, you've got a ricotta explaining to do!" [Laughs] "Get it?" [Jackson smacks her] "I-I mean... WHAT THE HECK, LORI?!"

[They all angrily squint at Lori.]

Jackson: "What have you been up to?"

Lori: [Nervous] "Heh, heh. Well, I kind of maybe paid Mister Grouse to wreck the garage so I wouldn't have to live there."

[Her siblings altogether question why Lori would do such a thing, before Jackson moves them out of the way.]

Jackson: "Why would you do that?! What were you thinking?! Actually, were you even thinking at all?"

Lori: "I thought all I wanted was to be away from you guys. But I only ended up missing you. I was just too embarrassed to admit it."

Jackson: "You could've just said it anyway. We still would've listened."

Lori: "You sure?" [Jackson nods]

[Her siblings all show consolation and gratitude to her words, and they all hug.]

Mr. Grouse: [Livid] "Nice reunion, Louds! But what about my garage?"

Lana: [Gives him a business card] "Call me. I'll give you a quote."

[Mister Grouse looks annoyed.]

[Later that night, in the Loud House.]

Bobby: "So, it turns out it wasn't a moldy marshmallow or a mouse. It was a chinchilla. I named it Lori."

Lori: [Touched] "Oh, Boo-Boo Bear, that's so sweet." [Slightly offended] "Wait. Is that like a rat?"

Leni: [Opens the closet door, wearing a custom outfit, and poses] "Lori, what do you think?"

Lori: "Love. You literally look like a model."

[Leni looks flattered. Lana runs in with boots covered in mud.]

Lana: "Lori, can I sleep in your bed?"

Lori: "Of course." [Notices the boots] "Boots off first."

[Lana kicks the boots off, going barefoot, and gets onto Lori's bed. Enter Lincoln and Lisa.]

Lincoln: "Lori, tell Lisa she can't harvest my kidney!"

Lisa: "Tell Lincoln he only requires at least one!" [Breaks out a sleep mask.] "Now, let's do this!"

[They fight over the fate of Lincoln's kidney.]

Lori: "Lisa, you took his appendix. Don't be greedy."

Jackson: "Wait, what?"

Leni: "Long story. It happened way before you moved in."

Luan: [Holding Cliff] "Yeah, Lisa. Have a heart, but just not mine." [Laughs and pets Cliff] "Get it, Cliffy?"

Jackson: "I don't think Cliff likes you anymore."

Luan: "Is that a sense of jealousy I hear, Mister Delaney?"

[Enter Lola with her hair all tangled up again.]

Lola: "Lori, can you detangle?"

Lori: [Holding a hairbrush] "You got it." [Sighs] "I really missed all of this."

Jackson: "Eh... While you're at it, try not to panic."

Lori: "Why?"

[The minute she brushes Lola's wig, it comes off, and Lori screams in shock at the sight of it.]

All: "That's why."

Jackson: "Lisa's fault." [Leaves abruptly as the siblings glare at Lisa, who just smiles sheepishly]

Chapter Text

[Lincoln is reading a book and eating some carrot sticks. He vacuums one in his mouth right when the doorbell rings.]

Lori: [On her phone] "Whitney, wait till you see my new shoes. They will literally blow your mind!"

[She opens the door and it turns out to be Clyde, who is struck by her beauty.]

Clyde: [Nervously infatuated] "L-L-Lori?" [Gets a nosebleed which spills on Lori's shoes, making her scream so loud, that it makes a nearby flock of crows fly away, and faints while Lincoln catches him.]

Lori: [Aggravated] "Ugh. Never mind, Whitney." [Hangs up] "Lincoln, this is the fourth pair of shoes Clyde's ruined this month!"

[Series of flashbacks of all the other three pairs Clyde ruined earlier in the month. First, Lincoln and Clyde are reading comics in the former's room. Lori and a dissatisfied Jackson entered the room with the laundry basket.]

Lori: "Lincoln, do you have any laundry?"

Clyde: [Sees Lori] "L-L-Lori?" [Nosebleeds and gets her shoes ruined, making her scream and run away from the sight.]

[Next, the three boys are looking in the fridge for a snack and take out a dish while Lori is right behind them.]

Lori: "Hey, you'd better not eat all the leftover gazpacho."

Jackson: "Why?"

Clyde: [Nervous] "L-L-Lori?" [Starts acting like a robot] "SYSTEM OVERLOAD. DOES NOT COMPUTE. SYSTEM OVERLOAD. DOES NOT COMPUTE. SYSTEM SHUTTING...DOWN..."

[His shutdown knocks the gazpacho out of Lincoln's hand and lands on Lori's shoes.]

Jackson: "Oh, gosh."

Lori: "GAH! YOU IDIOTS!"

[In a third flashback, Lori is in Vanzilla and about to leave for golf practice.]

Lori: "Mom, Dad, I'm off to practice!" [Notices Clyde in there with an annoyed Jackson, making her startled] "Clyde?! What are you even doing here?"

Jackson: [Exasperated] "He forced me into this, Lori! I swear it! He just wanted to ride with you to practice!"

Clyde: [Shaking] "L-L-Lori?"

[His nosebleed squirts right onto her shoes. Lori just bangs her head on the steering wheel's horn in dismay.]

Lori: [Sobbing] "That's the third pair this month." [Jackson pats her head to comfort her]

[End flashbacks as Lincoln and Lori put Clyde on the chair.]

Lincoln: [Stupidly] "Maybe, you should try wearing red shoes." [Lori growls at him, scaring him witless] "Right." [Sheepish] "Bad idea, Lincoln."

Lori: [Calm] "Ugh. I just wish Clyde could act normal around me." [Leaves as Jackson arrives]

Jackson: [To Lori] "Was that you screaming? Where's the fire?" [Lori just points to Clyde]

Clyde: [Comes to] "So do I, my sweet angel. So do I." [Opens a locket of a picture of a startled Lori] "But how am I supposed to act normal around such a beautiful, flawless..." [Starts nosebleeding again]

Lincoln: [Shoves carrot sticks up his friend's nose] "Don't worry, buddy. We'll figure something out."

Mr. Grouse: [From outside; talking to Leni] "Dang blast it!" [Cut to outside as Lincoln and Jackson watch] "Eberhardt's dog went number two on my lawn again!"

Leni: "Try doing what I do, Mister Grouse. I'll name all 40 states on the mainland, and by the time I'm done, I've forgotten why I was mad."

Mr. Grouse: "Well, actually, it's 48. But I'll give it a try." [Starts naming them in alphabetical order] "Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California..."

[Lincoln and Jackson had watched it from the window.]

Lincoln: "Actually, Clyde, Jax and I may know someone who can help you!"

[Cut to Leni in the living room.]

Leni: "Sure! What do you need my help with?"

Clyde: [Stammering] "L-L-L-L..."

Leni: "Lemons?"

Clyde: [Shakes his head] "L-L-L-L..."

Leni: "Leggings?"

Clyde: [Shiviering] "L-L-L-L-L..."

Leni: "Of course! Loofahs! Well, first of all, natural fibers are the way to go."

Lincoln: "He's talking about Lori."

Leni: "Oh. She doesn't use a loofah." [Whispering] "That's why she has bacne."

[Lincoln and Jackson facepalm.]

Jackson: "Good grief."

Clyde: "No. I want to learn how to act normal around her, or at least, just stop bleeding on her shoes."

Leni: [Notices the carrot sticks on the table] "Have you tried shoving carrot sticks up your nose?"

Clyde: "Yes! And breadsticks, and pretzel rods, and corn dogs, which you really need to let cool down first."

Leni: [Chuckles] "Well, no worries! I know other ways to help you." [Takes Clyde]

[Later, Lori peeks her head from the second floor and sees Lincoln and Jackson playing video games.]

Lori: "Lincoln, Jackson, is Clyde still here? This is literally my last pair of wearable shoes. The rest are taking forever to wash up."

Lincoln: "Don't worry about Clyde. He's hanging out with Leni."

Lori: "Really?"

Jackson: "They're in the kitchen right now."

[From the kitchen, Leni and Clyde are laughing. Lori peeks in to see it.]

Clyde: "Oh, Leni."

Lori: "(Leni and Clyde? That's... weird.)"

[Outside, Lori is practicing her golf swing.]

Lori: [Narrating to herself] "If Lori Loud can sink this four-footer, she'll literally win the Masters."

Lynn: "Heads up!"

[A frisbee comes by and Lori ducks and swings. Lana and Lynn laugh and chase after their disc.]

Lori: "Watch where you're throwing!"

[The golf ball lands right next to the cellar window and Lori goes to grab it.]

Clyde: [Inside the basement] "And if I don't get a nosebleed, I'm usually doing this." [Acts like a robot] "SYSTEM OVERLOAD. DOES NOT COMPUTE." [Mimics power down]

Leni: [Chuckles] "Reminds me of something Jackson used to do."

[Lori witnesses it.]

Lori: "(Hmm...I only thought Clyde acted like an awkward robot around me.)"

[The frisbee hits Lori in the butt.]

Lori: "Oof!" [Lori falls into a hole]

Lucy: [Holding a shovel] "Do you mind, big sister? This grave is spoken for."

[Lana notices what happened and sheepishly leaves.]

Lana: "Sorry, Lori!"

Lori: "Ugh... Why today?"

[Cut to inside.]

Lori: [On her phone] "Carol did what?!" [Leaves her room] "Hang on, Whitney. I literally need chips for this story."

[Leni and Clyde are in the kitchen.]

Leni: "So, when somebody makes me nervous, I just stare at their left ear and recite my ABCs."

Clyde: "Got it! Great tip." [Writes it down]

Lynn: [From outside] "Heads up, Loud House!"

[The frisbee flies into the kitchen and hits Clyde in the nose.]

Clyde: "Ow!" [Starts bleeding from his nostrils and covers it up with a squeal]

Lynn: "Did I hit someone?! Sorry!"

Jackson: [From outside] "LJ! Lori already told you to watch where you're throwing!"

Lynn: "I was! I swear it!"

[Lori enters giggling, but she sees them and hides.]

Leni: [With blood on her shoes] "My shoes!"

[Lori has seen it.]

Lori: "(Now, he's getting nosebleeds on her shoes?)" [Lori gasps] "(This can only mean one thing: Clyde likes Leni!)" [Jubilant] "I'm free! I'm free!" [Gasps with joy and runs to Vanzilla] "Oh, I am going shoe shopping!" [Drives off] "I better make sure to get some for my sweet, naive little roommate as well."

[Later, Lori returns with new shoes.]

Lori: "Got you some new shoes, Leni."

Leni: "Thanks, sis."

Lori: "Anytime." [Passes one of the bags to her]

[Leni gets a call and answers.]

Leni: "Oh, hi, Clyde. What a nice surprise." [Lori puts the other bag into their closet]

Lori: "(Oh, poor Leni. I wouldn't wanna be in her shoes. Literally.)" [Realizes] "(Ooh! Lori, that was good.) Luan might just eat her little heart out."

Leni: "Thanks for the shoe cleaning supplies. It was totes sweet of you. You're the most thoughtful person I've ever met, Clyde."

[Lori looks at some gifts Clyde gave her in the past.]

Lori: "(Well, I will give him that. He is pretty thoughtful.) Still, he always went after me."

[A series of flashbacks of her receiving those gifts is shown. First, there's a telescope with a note on it and she reads it.]

Lori: "('Congratulations. A new star has been named after you: Corona Lori-alis'.) Did Luan send this, or...? Huh."

[Lori looks into the telescope and an arrow points to the star in question, but Clyde falls out.]

Clyde: "Whoa!" [Thuds] "Oof!"

Lori: [Turns to him] "Clyde?!"

Clyde: "Hi."

[The next flashback takes place in winter where Clyde has made a literal snow angel that looks like Lori, but Charles runs up to it to pee on it.]

Clyde: "Charles, no! Not on my snow angel!"

Jackson: [Runs in and catches Charles] "Bad dog! Bad doggy!" [Takes him elsewhere, as Lori becomes dissatisfied]

Lori: "Another Clyde McBride gift?"

[The next flashback shows Lori coming home defeated in a golf game. She finds a teddy bear on the steps and reads the note on it.]

Clyde: [Voiceover on the note] "'You may have lost your golf tournament, but you'll never lose my heart'."

[Lori presses the bear]

Teddy Bear: "I love you fur-ever."

[Lori doesn't like it very much. End flashbacks. She presses the bear again.]

Teddy Bear: "I love you fur-ev..." [Breaks down] "...er." [Pops an eye]

Lori: "This is from last year, right? ([Gasps] What am I thinking? I have to get Clyde back!) But how?"

[Downstairs, Lincoln, Jackson, Clyde, and Leni are all playing video games together. Enter Lori with a pitcher.]

Lori: "Oh, hey, guys. Just wondered if anyone wanted some lemonade."

[Her very presence puts Clyde in a paranoid state as he tries to act normal.]

Lori: [Confused] "Clyde?"

Jackson: "You okay, little buddy?"

Lincoln: "Ooh! I'll take some!" [He and Leni are interested]

Lori: [Disappointed] "Never mind. Get your own." [Tosses glass aside and walks away] "I'm having this for myself."

[Clyde relaxes.]

Leni: "Great job, Clyde! You were in the same room as Lori and no nosebleed."

Clyde: "Yeah. Your ABC's trick really worked."

Leni: "It always does. Unless you have to go past the letter P, 'cause then, it gets really hard. [Claps excitedly] Okay. Now, let's work on the next step: Eye contact."

[The next morning, the sun is blazing and the boys are reading some comics, but Lori is wearing a winter scarf. Meanwhile, Jackson is having trouble with the zipper on the jacket he's wearing.]

Jackson: "Dang Luna gave me the wrong jacket today! I'm gonna be sweating soon!"

Lori: "Brr! Boy, it is chilly today. So glad I have this cozy scarf Clyde made me."

Lincoln: "It's 85 degrees, and you're sweating."

Lori: [Growls like a lion at Lincoln, scaring him, before turning sweetly to Clyde] "Clyde, wherever did you learn to be such a great knitter?"

[Clyde stares at Lori, holds his breath, and runs back inside.]

Lincoln: [Dissatisfied] "Brilliant."

[Cut to inside.]

Leni: "It worked?"

Clyde: [Exhales] "Yup. I just held my breath, like you said."

Leni: "Great! You're ready for the final step: Conversation! But that one we'll need to train for."

Clyde: "Just give me a moment." [Hyperventilates into his paper bag.]

[Cut to Clyde's house.]

Clyde: [Shiviering] "Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this!"

Lincoln: [Knocks on one of the support beams to imitate a door knock, while acting out] "Oh. Someone's at the door. Who could it be?" [Smiles awkwardly and steps back, before turning to the door]

Jackson: "It's probably J-"

Lincoln: "Why, it's my eldest sister, Lori."

[Enter Leni dressed like Lori... with messed-up hair.]

Leni: [Imitating Lori] "O, M, G. Bobby... was just texting me about Clyde... literally before I just entered." [Jackson facepalms]

Jackson: [Annoyed] "Now, you're just stereotyping."

[Unbeknownst to them, the real Lori is coming over with a comic.]

Lori: "Okay. This has to work. (Clyde can ignore the lemonade and the scarf, but this limited edition Ace Savvy comic will definitely do the trick.)"

Clyde: [Shaking] "H-H-H-Hi, Lori. H-H-H-How's it going?"

Leni: [Applauding] "Super job, Clyde!"

Lincoln: "Yeah! You sounded totally natural!"

Jackson: "On that note, I'm done for now." [Leaves]

Clyde: "Thanks." [Shows an ice pack under his shirt] "The ice pack was a great idea." [Removes it] "It really kept me distracted; though I can't feel my belly button."

[Lori approaches the door, but the conversation can be heard.]

Leni: "This has been totes fun. You're such a great guy, Clyde."

Clyde: "Thanks, Leni. And may I say, you've never looked more beautiful!"

Leni: "Oh, Clyde!" [Giggles]

Lori: [Growls and tosses the comic in frustration] "That does it!"

[In the Loud House bathroom, Lori is changing her appearance to look more like Leni.]

Lori: "(So, Clyde likes the way Leni looks? Fine! I can look like Leni!)"

[She tries brushing her hair, but the brush snaps to her annoyance. Outside, her sisters are waiting impatiently and demand that she come out.]

Jackson: [From outside] "Lori, hurry up!" [Cut to outside] "Your sisters are getting-"

Lori: [Opens the door] "LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M BUSY!"

[The other sisters gasped at the sight of the firstborn, while Jackson just looked on in bewilderment.]

Jackson: "What the...?!"

Lynn: "Uh... Why do you look like Leni's messed up twin?" [Jackson covers her mouth]

Lori: "Because I'm trying to win Clyde back!"

Luan: "Win him back? He's obsessed with you. How can he-"

Lori: "No. He's obsessed with Leni now."

Jackson & The Other Loud Sisters: [Surprised] "WHAT?!"

Lisa: "Impossible! He wouldn't just switch targets all of a sudden. It's unlikely for someone like him."

Lori: "Well, he certainly did now."

Luna: "If he did, then m-maybe, he's got a good reason." [To Jackson] "Right, Jax?"

Jackson: "Uh... Yeah." [Realizes] "(Oh, wait a minute. Did Lori overhear us at the McBride House?)"

Lori: "Doesn't matter. No two ways about it, he has just straight up ditched me for Leni." [Her replica shades fall over her eyes and she puts them back up] "But not for long. I'm going to fix everything."

Lana: [She and the others become incredulous] "Why do you even care?"

Lucy: "Yeah. You hide when he comes over and throw his gifts in the trash."

Luan: "You use his homemade cookies as doorstops."

Lynn: "Kind of disrespectful if you ask any of us."

Lori: "Well, yes, but-"

Lola: "Do you like Clyde now?"

Lori: "Of course not!"

Lana: "Well, then, why are you trying to win him back?"

Lori: "I just need him to like me. Now, stop asking questions! I know what I'm doing!" [Goes back in the bathroom, before taking a look in the mirror and sighing upon realizing something] "What am I doing?" [Some part of Lori becomes an alternate personality of sorts] "(You're trying to win back Clyde. Now, stop farting around and straighten that hair!)" [Reverts back to her own self] "No, I don't need to win Clyde back. I need to apologize to him." [Alternate self] "(Don't be a fool!)" [Normal self] "Shut it! I'm not listening to you anymore." [Grumbles in frustration] "I will not be stopped by some Mister Hyde wannabe."

[Cut to outside, where Jackson and the other sisters, except Lola, slowly inch away from hearing Lori talk to herself.]

Lucy: [Uncomfortable] "Awkward."

Lola: [Uncomfortable] "I don't think I need to tinkle after all." [Leaves]

Lisa: [To Jackson] "It's just a hunch, but is there something you're not telling us?" [Jackson looks away]

Jackson: [Sheepish] "Maybe." [Tries to leave, but Luna grabs him]

Luna: "Don't even think about it."

[Back at Clyde's house, Clyde and Leni (still dressed as Lori) step out with confidence.]

Leni: "Okay, Clyde, your training is complete. You ready to go have a normal conversation with Lori?"

Clyde: "You know it!" [Holds up a fish from his shirt] "I just hope this frozen salmon takes longer to melt than that ice pack did."

[Clyde salutes to his trainer and buddy. The two siblings give him a thumbs up and he makes his way to Lori. Meanwhile, Lori, having ditched the disguise, steps out of the bathroom and sighs, with Jackson in tow. Clyde is being followed by a pack of cats who smell the salmon.]

Clyde: [Nervous] "Nice kitties."

[He sheepishly smiles and runs screaming with the cats in pursuit. Lori and Jackson descend the stairs and Clyde approaches the door. Lori opens it and sees Clyde standing on the step.]

Lori: "Clyde! I was just on my way to see you. There's something I really wanted to tell you. First, I wanted to apologize for never appreciating how kind and thoughtful you are. And second, I wanna thank you for making me feel so good about myself all these years. You're a special guy, Clyde, and literally anyone would be lucky to be your crush."

[She hugs him, and this causes his nostrils to bleed all over her shoes, much to her fright. Lincoln catches his unconscious friend.]

Lincoln: "Lori, what happened?"

[They bring Clyde to the sofa, and Lincoln fans him.]

Lori: "I don't know. I was just telling Clyde that I'm okay with him liking Leni now, and-"

Lincoln: "What are you talking about? He doesn't like Leni."

Jackson: "You probably misinterpreted everything when you overheard us."

Lori: "But I saw them in the kitchen. He got a nosebleed all over her shoes."

Lincoln: "Yeah, because he got hit in the nose by Lynn's frisbee."

Lori: "Well, why was he acting like a robot with her?"

Lincoln: "He was just showing her what happens when he's around you. It's not just nosebleeds."

Lori: "But I was just over at his house. I heard him say she was beautiful."

Lincoln: "Because she was dressed like you"

Lori: "What? Why were they doing all this?"

Lincoln: "Because Leni was helping Clyde learn to act normal around you, just like you wanted."

Lori: "So... he never stopped having a crush on me?"

[Lincoln and Jackson shake their head and Lori looks at Clyde with joy.]

Lori: [Alternate self] "(HA! I knew it!)" [Normal self] "No, you didn't!"

Lincoln: [Disturbed] "Uh... who are you talking to?"

Lori: "No one."

Jackson: [To Lincoln] "She developed a split-personality issue earlier." [This surprises Lincoln]

Lincoln: "Uh-oh."

Jackson: "I-I'm sure it'll wear off eventually."

[Enter Leni, still in her Lori costume.]

Leni: "Oh, no! Poor Clyde."

Lori: "Oh, goodness me." [She and the others turn to him]

[Clyde suddenly comes to and sees the real Lori and Leni in her costume.]

Clyde: [Nervously infatuated] "T-T-T-Two Loris?" [Goes into robot mode] "SYSTEM OVERLOAD. EE-OO." [Starts bleeding and malfunctioning across Lori and Leni] "EE-OO-EE-OO-EE-OO."

Lori: [Notices her shoes covered in blood, but smiles it off] "Hm. I'm glad the old Clyde is back." [Leni nods sheepishly]

Jackson: [Goes after him] "Clyde?!"

Clyde: [Still malfunctioning] "EE-OO-EE-OO-EE-OO-EE-OO." [Spins and scurries off, knocking over Mister Grouse's trash cans while he's gardening]

Mr. Grouse: [Irritated] "Why you lousy-" [Remembers what Leni told him] "Hmm? Ooh. Right. Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas..."

Jackson: [Still running after Clyde] "Clyde, come back!"

Chapter Text

[Lincoln is reading comic books on the floor in his room while resting his feet on the door, and Jackson is on the bed, recording himself listening to a video on his phone.]

Jackson: "Wait for it."

[Their peace is disturbed when Lynn opens the door on them, and Jackson's video emits the Wilhelm Scream at the right moment.]

Lynn: [Eager] "You ready, Stink-coln? It's go time! WOO!" [Runs off]

Lincoln: [Gets up and grabs the camera] "Gimme that." [To the recording] "Tonight's game night in the Loud House." [Jackson gets up] "Sounds fun, right?"

Lincoln & Jackson: "Wrong."

Jackson: "Not when you have a sister like Lynn Junior."

Lynn: [Knocking on Lola and Lana's door.] "Yo, twins! Hope you read the menu, 'cause you're about to get served!"

Lincoln: [Continuing] "It's not that the rest of us don't like playing games. Heck, we don't even care that Lynn wins every time. It's just, she's not exactly a 'good winner'."

Jackson: "Lynn Junior is always the competitive jock of the Loud Family." [Lincoln pulls up some videos on Jackson's tablet] "But there are times when her competitive nature gets a little... out of control."

Lincoln: "A case in point: What you're about to witness is all thanks to some board games." [Plays the videos]

[Flashback to a previous game night they had. Lynn is doing a victory dance on the table.]

Lynn: "Oh, yeah, baby! I win! Lynn-er, Lynn-er, chicken dinner!"

Leni: "I thought we were having salmon."

Jackson: "No, we decided that the winner selects tonight's dinner."

[Flashback #2. Lynn plays and wins another game.]

Lynn: "YES! I WIN! HA!" [Flips the board off the table, scattering the counters and cards everywhere, and leaves.] "Losers clean up!"

[End flashbacks]

Jackson: [Pauses the videos] "I would show the very first game night that I participated in, but... I think you probably get the gist already."

Lincoln: "And if you think that's bad, last week, she waited till everyone fell asleep and then wrote 'loser' on their foreheads. Fortunately, Jax and I got out of that one."

Jackson: "Well, I got out. He still suffered."

Lincoln: "A-Admittedly, yes." [He turns around, revealing that instead of writing "loser" on his forehead, Lynn wrote it on the back of his head.] "But at least, it's better than having to look at it in the bathroom mirror." [Leaves the room]

Jackson: "I don't know. It feels no different from those stupid 'Kick Me' notes that you'd see often." [Follows him]

[The kids have gathered at the grown-up table for their games.]

Lynn: "Hey, I was just wondering. Do you guys know any good therapists?"

Lincoln: "Well, Clyde recommends his family's therapist, Doctor Lopez."

Lynn: [Taunting] "Doctor Lopez, huh? To help you deal with your loss tonight? BURN!"

[The others sigh in exasperation.]

Jackson: [To Luan] "She's worse than you."

Luan: "Dude, shut up."

Lori: [Walks up to the shelf] "Okay, guys, what'll it be tonight?"

Lily: "Go-Go Fishy!"

Lori: "Good choice, Lily. Go Fish, it is." [Gets the cards and sits back down] "Shall we?"

[Later into the game]

Lisa: "Lynn, do you possess any sevens?"

Lynn: "Hope you've got gas in your boat."

Lisa: "Pardon? I have no aquatic vehicles."

Lynn: [Taunting] "'Cause you're going fishing!"

[Lisa draws a card]

Jackson: "You know, it would hurt you to bother saying 'Go Fish' like a normal human being."

Lynn: [Throws a rag at Jackson's face] "Who said you could speak? Besides, it's not even your turn to speak anyway. It's mine." [Grabs her card] "And I'm down to my last card. Lori, you seemed pretty interested in deuces last round. Got any?"

[Lori sighs and gives her the 2 of Clubs.]

Lynn: [Slams her cards on the table.] "Boom! Welcome to Losertown!" [Points to her siblings individually.] "Population: You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you!" [Jackson takes the rag off, but Lynn throws it back onto his face.] "And you, loudmouth!"

Lincoln: "Well, now that this disaster's over with."

[He and the other sisters proceed to get up.]

Lynn: [Stopping them] "Wait-wait-wait, hold on. Tonight's special. It's my..." [Presses a button revealing a celebratory tarp.] "...300th win in a row! I am unbeaten by you chumps!" [Busts out a bazooka that fires confetti at them and runs off.] "WOO!"

Luna: [Coughs from the confetti and sees something familiar.] "Dudes, this confetti's made from our homework! Bogus!"

Jackson: [Examines] "N-No need to worry, Loon. I'm seeing the dates. These are older assignments."

Lola: [Sighs] "I can't take this anymore. She is so obnoxious."

Lincoln: "If only we could beat her just once. Maybe, she'd stop gloating if we did so."

Lori: "How are we gonna do that when she's better at every game on the shelf?"

Lincoln: Maybe we need to try a game that isn't on the shelf; something that Lynn doesn't know, something that one of us is really good at."

Lola: [Inspired] "I think I might have just the game."

[Later, they show Lynn that the game in question is a pageant-themed game.]

Lynn: "'Pretty Pretty Pageant Queen'? I don't even know how to play this."

Lola: "Oh. Okay. If you're afraid of losing-"

Lynn: "I'm no loser! It is on!"

[Later, Lola is dominating Lynn, who is reading the rule manual, at the game by hogging half of the game's pageant pieces, while Lynn only has a quarter of them. She moves her piece onto a perfect sash space.]

Lola: "Oh! Just earned my sash! Just two spaces from being the Pretty Pretty Pageant Queen!"

Lynn: [Checks the rules] "Hold up. It says in the rule book that if you can roll three 10s at once, you not only move 30 spaces but also get three 10s from the judges." [Checks the board and chuckles] "30 more spaces, and I get an automatic win, 'cause the finish line is right there." [Picks up the dice, spits on them, and rattles them.] "There's no rule saying that having the most pieces makes you the winner anyway."

Lisa: [Scoffs] "Good luck. The odds of such an occurrence would be 1 in 1,720-"

Lynn: [Rolls the dice, with one of them bouncing off of Jackson's forehead] "Did I get it?" [Checks] "Did it!"

[The dice show that she really did roll three 10s in a row; her siblings and Jackson gasp in astonishment.]

Jackson: [Rubbing his forehead] "Talk about 'diabolical luck'."

[Lola faints from such a humiliating defeat.]

Lynn: [Does her victory dance] "Unh! Lynn-er, Lynn-er, chicken dinner!" [Clucks]

Lucy: "We will never beat her... at anything."

Lana: "I know a game I can beat her at!" [Shows her favorite board game, entitled "Plumbing Pro".] "Plumbing Pro! A plumbing-themed game based on Operation. You have to remove all the objects from the plumbing without touching the sides."

[They get into the game later on]

Lynn: [Scoffs] "This looks easy. I'll start by removing the hairball from the shower drain." [Attempts to but touches the side and feels the vibration, making Jackson cringe.]

Lana: "Uh-oh! You touched the side. One more buzz, and you lose."

Jackson: "Is this game supposed to make you feel the vibrations?"

Lynn: [Growling with rage] "'Scuse me a second." [Steps outside and starts doing push-ups.] "You wanna lose, Lynn? Huh? Huh? You wanna be the mayor of Losertown? Then, get your head in the game!" [Gets up, pounds her chest, tosses the trash can, and roars as Jackson shows up.]

Jackson: "You didn't throw that into Mister Grouse's yard, did ya?"

Lynn: "Out of my way!" [Punches Jackson to the side]

[The others have witnessed it.]

Lucy: "She's coming back in."

[They all sit down as Lynn returns.]

Leni: "Is, uh... Is Jackson alright?"

Lynn: "He'll live." [Grabs the tweezers] "Let's do this!" [Shouts and removes every single piece of clogging from every piece of plumbing in the game, making the toilet flush, showing it's clear.] "YES! Another win for Lynn!"

[The moment she leaves, the game somehow breaks into two. The other girls sigh as Jackson returns to see the game broken.]

Jackson: [Examine the game] "How the...?"

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "Guys, I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. The Ace Savvy trivia game! There's no way she can beat me!"

[Later, Lori is giving the questions, and Jackson is keeping score.]

Lori: "Okay, guys, whoever answers this last question right wins."

[Somehow, Lynn is calm, and Lincoln is nervous. The other sisters are scowling at him.]

Lola: [Whispering] "Lincoln, what the heck? You were doing so well in the first portion of the game."

Luna: "Yeah, why are you suddenly screwing up?"

Lincoln: "It's not my fault. Lynn keeps getting in my head."

Lori: [Reads the question] "'Who is Ace Savvy's sidekick'?"

Lincoln: [Buzzes in] "Oh, that's so easy."

Lynn: [Manipulative] "Oh, is it? Are you sure? It could be a trick question. I'm just sayin'." [Chuckles] "Game's riding on this. It'd sure be a shame if you choked." [Pretends to choke as Jackson gently pushes her away]

Jackson: "Get away from your brother, Baby Lynn."

Lincoln: [Sweats and quickly thinks of an answer] "MASSACHUSETTS!"

Lynn: [Buzzes in and scoffs] "Even I know this one. It's One-Eyed Jack."

Lori: [Defeated] "Correct."

Lynn: [Victorious once again] "Boom! I win! Better get outta here before I breathe in too many loser fumes." [Leaves]

Lincoln: [Disappointed] "Sorry, guys. I totally choked."

Lori: "It's okay, Lincoln. It's just Lynn and her mind games."

Lana: "Aren't mind games considered cheating?"

Jackson: "No, it's actually strategic thinking. I learned about how mind games work from a lecture video that my dad once made recently." [Luan glances at him with suspicion]

Lori: [Sighs] "None of us is good enough to beat her."

Lisa: [Pondering] "But what about all of us?" [Shows them her favorite board game.] "Behold! The Settlers of Cat-Land! At first, my classmates kept nagging me to give it a shot, but eventually, it became my favorite. The objective is to build as many cat structures as possible. But here's the kicker: It's actually quite challenging to do so as an individual. So, the easier way to form structures is by forming alliances. Ergo, if we freeze out Lynn, she is bound to go down in proverbial flames."

[The others get cunning looks in their eyes and decide to go with this plan.]

Jackson: "Well, looks like this guy is sittin' this one out."

[Later, the game is not going in Lynn's favor.]

Lynn: [Frustrated] "What?" [Stammering] "Seriously?! No one has a yarn ball to trade me for some catnip?"

[The others murmur that they do not have a single yarn ball.]

Lola: "Uh, fresh out."

Lynn: [Groans] "I can't build squat!" [Growling] "This game bites it! HARD!"

[The cat timer meows and rings.]

Lisa: [Turns it off; satisfied] "Well, I see our time is up." [Checks the score] "We have a ten-way tie for first, with Lynn in a distant second."

Lynn: [Angrily perches on the table to Lisa's face, her head shaking.] "COUNT IT AGAIN!"

Lisa: [Smug] "Lynn, I do not make errors."

[This flabbergasts Lynn. Her siblings leave, cheering that they have finally defeated her.]

Lisa: "Well, that ought to stop Lynn's competitive behavior."

Lincoln: "And all of her gloating."

Luan: "Yeah. I'd say we really got her gloat. We put her on a gloaten-free diet. Unless she's a gloaten for punishment." [The others just leave, not wanting to hear anymore.] "Hey, where are you going? I'm just gloat-in' started!"

Jackson: [From upstairs] "Go to sleep, Luan!"

[Luan grumpily grabs a nearby foam ball and throws it at the stairs before sitting down on the living room chair, grumbling.]

Luan: "Humorless bum. Why don't you go back and learn how to draw pictures?"

[The next day, Lincoln and Jackson get some milk from the fridge, and the former drinks it from the carton, but a disheveled Lynn comes in with a carton of her own.]

Lynn: "I can chug faster than you!" [Chugs the whole thing down, belches in Lincoln's face, and smashes the carton on her forehead.] "I win! In ya face, Milk-coln! WOO!"

Jackson: "At least, it ain't 'Stink-coln'."

Lincoln: "Shut up."

[Leni is heading upstairs, but...]

Lynn: "Race you to the top!" [Charges upstairs and shoves Leni]

Leni: "Ow!" [Jackson comes in upon hearing Leni]

Lynn: [Makes it to the top] "WOO-HOO! I win! Ho-ho! You went down hard!"

Leni: [Stuck to the wall and still trying to walk] "I thought I was going up."

Jackson: "Leni, turn left."

[Later, Lily is building with blocks, and Lynn has built a tower with some of her own.]

Lynn: [Dancing] "YES! I win. I stacked more blocks than you." [Hip Attacks Lily's blocks, making them fall on her.] "Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!" [Dances away]

Jackson: "LJ!"

[Lily comes out of her blocks and blows a raspberry at Lynn in anger. Later, Lisa is mixing chemicals, but so is Lynn, who makes hers explode.]

Lynn: "BOOM! I win! Made an explosion first."

Lisa: [Annoyed] "I wasn't trying to make an explosion!" [Her chemicals explode anyway] "Dang it." [Jackson giggles]

[Later, Lynn and Lucy are washing the dishes.]

Lynn: "I can wash faster than you." [Starts washing the dishes rapidly]

[Lola is brushing her teeth, and Lynn appears.]

Lynn: "I can brush faster than you!" [Brushes insanely quickly with multiple toothbrushes and shows her pearly whites, but she loses a tooth, much to Lola's disturbance.]

[Later that night.]

Lynn: "I CAN GO TO SLEEP THE FASTEST!" [Her siblings and Jackson groan] "I CAN ALSO SNORE THE LOUDEST!" [Snores obnoxiously, making her siblings and Jackson groan again.]

Jackson: "CAN'T ANYONE JUST GO TO SLEEP?!"

[The next morning.]

Lynn: "Woo! I was up first!" [Cut to the living room, where the kids are trying to relax. Lori comes in.] "Ha-ha! Lori, I totally ate more bacon than you. Loser!"

[Lori groans, aggravated, and opens the front door, gaining everyone's attention.]

Lincoln: "Where are you going?"

Lori: [Annoyed] "Anywhere I can be away from Lynn!"

Lynn: "Pancake challenge! Right now!" [The others, except for Leni and Lily, become annoyed] "Which one of you lame-os is gonna man up?!"

Lucy: [Rises up; begging] "Please. Take us with you."

Lori: "Actually, I was waiting to see if you guys would want to come along."

[Later, on the road, the others are riding in Vanzilla for some peace and quiet.]

Luna: [Sighs contentedly] "This is sweet, right, dudes?"

[The others agree.]

Luan: "I really need a break from her."

Jackson: "We all needed one."

[They open their eyes in surprise as they hear Lynn's voice.]

Lynn: "Come on, Lynn! Push it! Push it! Dig deep!"

[It's revealed through the van's side window that Lynn is riding her bike right past Vanzilla.]

Lynn: "Yeah! You lose! Eat my dust!" [Pedals away]

[Her siblings groan, and Jackson facepalms.]

[Later that night, a sibling meeting is taking place in Lori and Leni's room. Lori uses a shoe as a gavel and bangs it to order.]

Lori: "We all know why we're here. The Lynn situation is literally the worst thing that's ever happened."

Lucy: [Moans] "We never should have beaten her at that blasted cat game. It only made her more competitive than she usually is." [Jackson pets her hair]

Jackson: "LJ's known to be competitive, but her loss probably led to her deciding to stick it to us by competing in everything in life."

Lincoln: "I say we challenge Lynn to a rematch; only this time, we throw the game. That way, she'll feel like a winner again and stop driving us crazy."

[Everyone, except Jackson, Luna, and Lola, likes the sound of that.]

Jackson, Luna, & Lola: "Oh, boy."

[Cut to them in the Living Room, having challenged Lynn.]

Lynn: "A rematch, huh?"

Jackson: "Yes. And this time, I'll be involved so that you can see, uh... the beauty in teamwork." [Glances at the equally unsure Luna and Lola]

Lynn: "Well, this place is gonna be spotless..." [Taunts] "...after Big Jax and I wipe the floor with you! Booyah! Let's do this!"

[Cut to later in the game.]

Lynn: "Will anyone trade me a scratching post for a laser pointer?"

[The others offer her their "Scratching Post" cards.]

Leni: "Sure."

Lola: "Take mine! Take mine!"

Luan: "Will anyone trade me a cat bed for a litter box?"

[The others intentionally decline.]

Lisa: "Negatory."

Lola: "I gave my last one to Lynn."

[Lincoln secretly moves a card from his pocket and puts it on the top of the deck.]

Luna: "Your turn, Lynn."

Lynn: [Draws; to her amazement] "Yes! Ball of twine, chumps!" [Rolls the dice cube and gets a one] "One? GAH! Come on!"

[Lisa bangs the table hard enough to make the cube switch to six.]

Lisa: "Are you sure you read that right?"

Lynn: [Sees it] "Oh. Six all day long, baby!"

[Later, Lynn has pretty much everything else in the settlement.]

Lynn: [Confident] "Hope you guys are hungry, 'cause it's almost time for Lynn-er, Lynn-er, chicken dinner! Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling!"

[While most of them smile, knowing their plan is working, Leni starts looking incredibly nervous. She frantically grabs the board and tosses it out the window. The others become outraged, asking her why she went and did it.]

Leni's Siblings: "What the?!" / "What's wrong with you?" / "Why would you do that?"

Leni: "I'm sorry! I just panicked and acted on instinct! I didn't want to face any more gloating."

Lori: "By tossing the game out of the window? Was that literally the first thing you thought of?"

Leni: "What? The plan was to throw the game, and no one else was doing it!" [Jackson facepalms]

Lincoln: "I know, Jax. I should've said 'forfeit'."

Lynn: [Suspicious] "Wait a sec. Throw the game? You guys were trying to lose to me on purpose?"

Lincoln: "Okay, yes, we were. We just thought if we let you win, you'd stop being so insanely competitive with us."

Lynn: "I was just trying to get my edge back after losing to you guys."

Lisa: "Well, to be completely transparent, the only reason you lost is because we all teamed up against you."

Lynn: "What? Why would you do that?"

Luna: "'Cause after your 300 wins..."

Lynn: [Interrupting] "Well, technically, 303, but who's counting?" [Sarcastically] "Oh, wait. It's me." [Furiously] "'Cause you guys hardly pay attention to half the stuff that I do in my life!"

Luna: [Aggravated from Lynn's interruption.] "Look, the point is, we couldn't take your gloating anymore, dude. You've been doing it for as long as anyone could remember."

Luan: "Yeah. We were all in the same gloat. We were tired of eating your gloat-meal."

Lori: [Not in the mood] "Not now, Luan."

[Luan sits down and shows a miserable look.]

Lynn: "Wow. So, you're saying I'm a bad loser and a bad winner?"

Lisa: "Precisely."

Lynn: "You all feel this way?"

Lynn's Siblings: "Yeah. / Kinda. / Afraid so. / We feel this way."

Jackson: "You know, after what happened with Lincoln and Lucy, we all would've thought that you would get your act together. But it seems old habits die hard, and yours is just... hard to kill."

Lynn: "Is it?" [They all nod] "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a jerk. I just love playing games, especially with you guys. Look, if you give me another chance, I promise to be a better sport. What do you say?"

[The others think for a moment and agree.]

Lori: "Why not?"

Lola: "Okay, Lynn."

Lynn: [Victoriously] "Yes! First to-" [Realizes] "Oh, wait. Apologizing was the last one. Better sport, starting... now."

[Later, a card game comes to an end.]

Lynn: "That's all my cards. So, I guess..."

[The others all have looks of nonchalant acceptance on their faces as she inhales.]

Lincoln: "You can say it. You win."

Lynn: "Okay, cool. I win." [Shakes Lincoln's hand] "Good game, guys. Good game." [Pats his head]

[She gives the peace sign, leaves, steps outside, inhales sharply, and immediately starts boasting and gloating once more.]

Lynn: [Celebratory] "YEAH! I RULE!" [Starts dancing.] "Lynn-er, Lynn-er, chicken dinner!" [Does the worm]

[The others are watching from the window.]

Lincoln: "At least, it's not to our faces."

[The other sisters and Jackson agree, stating that Lynn has a long way to go before she stops gloating entirely.]

Luna: "Getting there."

Luan: "Baby steps."

Lynn: [Rips the sleeves off of her jersey and shouts in victory.] "I'm back to being a WINNER!!!"

Jackson: "I'm glad that was just her sleeves."

Chapter Text

[Royal Woods Elementary School. Miss Shrinivas' classroom. The kids are playing, and Lisa is working on chemicals as the bell rings.]

Ms. Shrinivas: "Okay, it's almost noon, kids. Please clean up your toys. I have an exciting announcement. Today, you'll be getting your very first report card." [Holds up a card]

Kindergarteners: [Confused] "Huh?"

Ms. Shrinivas: "You'll understand what they mean soon."

Lisa: [Turns around while dropping a chemical] "Excellent. The first installment of my perfect academic career." [Obtains her card] "Let's see. An A in Science." [Flashback to the kids rubbing balloons in each other's hair while laughing. They make a little electricity. Lisa powers up some electricity from a generator she built. Flashback changes to writing class.] "An A in writing." [The other kids are trying to learn how to write as Lisa writes something long on a feather quill. Change to the kids counting change.] "An A in Math."

Kindergartner: "One penny..."

Lisa: [Having totaled up all her money] "That's $4.11, or approximately..." [Checks her note] "...416 Japanese yen. Also, I took the liberty of preparing your tax returns." [Hands Miss Shrinivas the returns]

Ms. Shrinivas: "Oh. Thank you, Lisa."

Lisa: "You're welcome."

[Back in the present, Lisa is reading off the rest of her grades.]

Lisa: "An A in Physical Education, as recommended by Lynn and Jackson, and an A in Vocabulary. Perfect." [Notices her thumb covering a grade at the bottom of her card] "Oh, hold on. 'Social Skills'?" [Moves her thumb to see the grade] "What did I...?" [Stammers upon realizing what her last grade is] "Uh-wait-what?" [Looks at it closely in shock] "An F?!" [Gasps and grumpily walks up to her teacher.] "Excuse me, Miss Shrinivas, I-I think there appears to be an error in my academic evaluation. If you could just go ahead and remedy that, I'll be on my merry way."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Actually, Lisa, that's not an error. It's the confirmed grade."

Lisa: "But... but..."

Ms. Shrinivas: "You got an F because you haven't made a single friend in class yet."

[Lisa turns to her classmates. One of them is a boy holding a wind-up car with snot leaking from his nose, and another is a girl who randomly smacks herself in the face with a block, for no obvious reason, giving herself a shiner.]

Lisa: [Cringing at what the latter just did] "Oh, my goodness." [To Miss Shrinivas] "This might sound offensive, given my unusual mindset, but I prefer to see my classmates as... coworkers, or occasionally, test subjects." [Miss Shrinivas gives her a "That still doesn't change your grade" look.] "But... obviously, this still doesn't change my grade. Look, how can I turn this around? In the future, when I represent Earth in the interplanetary council, it's gonna be acutely embarrassing to have an F on my otherwise perfect academic record."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Tell you what. If you make a friend, I'll raise your grade."

Lisa: "Done." [Immediately builds a robot]

Ms. Shrinivas: [Sighs] "I should really ask her family about how she's so different from the rest."

Lisa: "There. I made one. Behold, my new assistant robot. It can bring me things I need." [Presses a button, and it brings her some paperwork.] "Thank you, friend." [Takes papers] "It can also chill juice boxes with its ice vision." [The robot blasts a ray of cold air through the room, which almost hits two classmates who drop their juice boxes and run away. The beam freezes the discarded juice boxes in blocks of ice.] "Oops."

Ms. Shrinivas: [Facepalms] "Uh-uh, Lisa. No robots. Humans only. Preferably a classmate."

Lisa: [To herself] "Hmm. A real stickler, huh?" [To Miss Shrinivas] "Very well. I will make a human friend." [Pondering] "However one goes about doing that."

[At the Loud House, Lisa is currently researching friendship when Jackson walks up to her.]

Jackson: "Hey, Lisa." [Lisa waves back. Jackson notices Lisa's report card.] "Huh. An F in Social Skills. I shouldn't be surprised. When it comes to you guys, only you stand out."

Lisa: "Ya think?"

Jackson: "Lori has her sweet, naive little roommate, Leni, and her precious boyfriend, Bobby Santiago; Luna has a secret admirer in Sam Sharp; Luan has Benny Stein; Lynn Junior has her sports team and whatnot, especially Margo Roberts; Lincoln's got Clyde and me, though he's hoping to find more after our little pep talk; Lucy prefers to hang out with ghosts, but she's still willing to make human friends, especially after her encounter with Rocky; Lana likes to hang out with Skippy... whoever he is; I'm sure Lola has made friends from her many pageants; and I'm sure your parents are helping Lily find friends. And then, there's you. Despite being such a prodigy, you're pretty antisocial. Apart from me, you hardly talk to anyone outside the family."

Lisa: "Which is why I'm researching right now to figure out how to get one to boost my grade."

Jackson: "I don't think it's that difficult to befriend-"

[Lily walks up to them, giggling.]

Jackson: "Oh, hey, Lily."

Lily: "Sa-Sa! Sa-Sa! Ja-Ja!"

Jackson: "Are you trying to say 'Sister', or are you referencing the last two letters in 'Lisa'?"

Lisa: "I could've sworn I heard 'Jack-Jack'." [To Lily] "Not now, youngest sibling." [Lily sits down] "I am trying to find scientific guidance or the forging of social bonds. Street name: Friendship." [Sighs] "Unfortunately, nothing in my vast library addresses this topic."

[The doorbell rings. Lincoln answers it, and it's Clyde.]

Lincoln: "Hey, buddy."

Clyde: "Hey, pal."

[The two high-five each other, Lincoln twirls Clyde, and they end with a fist bump.]

Jackson: "Oh, right. Clyde, Margo, and Kotaro are visiting today."

Lisa: [Having observed it] "Hmm. Who needs textbooks when I can do field research?" [To Jackson] "Jackson! I require your assistance!" [Lily babbles; To Lily] "You wanna help too?"

[Later, Lincoln and Clyde are playing a dancing video game. Clyde is not getting the moves down.]

Clyde: [Trying] "And left kick, right stomp. Wait, hang on. Oops! Ugh. It goes so fast, Lincoln!"

Lincoln: "Don't worry, Clyde. You're looking good."

[Lisa, Jackson, and Lily watch them via a periscope in the chimney.]

Lisa: [Recording on tape] "Observation #1: Friendship seems to require compliments and flattery, whether deserved or not."

[Outside, Lynn Junior is in Hockey gear as a goalie. Margo slams the puck right into the net past Lynn. Lynn Senior is inside the garage with Kotaro.]

Lynn Sr: "Hey, be careful out there!"

Lynn Jr: "Okay, Dad!" [To Margo] "Nice snipe." [She and Margo chest bump] "But you won't be so lucky next time."

Margo: "Don't count on it, teammate."

Lisa: [Having observed it in the tree with Jackson and Lily; Records] "Observation #2: Friendship also appears to require engaging in casual sport and/or play." [One of the pucks comes flying through the air and almost hits the three, causing them to lose their balance.]

All: "Whoa!" [They all fall out] "Oof!" [Lily is okay, and she giggles as Lynn Junior and Margo approach them.]

Lynn Jr: "Sorry about that." [Lisa and Jackson get up]

Margo: "What are you guys doing up there?"

Jackson: "I'll tell you later." [Lisa pulls out an RC video drone]

Lisa: "I'll need you two for this next part."

[Cut to Lori and Leni's room. Leni is reading a magazine when Lori comes in.]

Lori: "Hey, Len!"

Leni: "Hm?"

Lori: [Holds up a gorgeous past-era dress] "Look at this dress I found in the hand-me-downs from Aunt Ruth!"

Leni: [Impressed] "Wow! It's so outdated, it's back to being trendy again! You're so lucky. I wish I'd found it."

[Lisa, Jackson, Lily, Lynn, and Margo watch the two oldest sisters' conversation through the airborne video drone.]

Lori: "Well, why don't we share it then?"

Leni: [Gasps] "Great idea!"

Lisa: [Recording] "Observation #3: Friendship requires the sharing of goods and commodities."

Lynn Sr: "Yo, Jackson!" [They head over to the garage. Jackson leaps over the fence to see the garage now open.]

Jackson: "What is it, LS?"

[In the garage, Lynn Senior and Kotaro are preparing to play music; Lynn Senior on his cowbell, and Kotaro on his keyboard.]

Lynn Sr: "Could you set up a camera? We're gonna do a jam session and I wanna record the whole thing."

Jackson: "Uh, give me a moment." [Leaves. Later, he returns with a camera similar to his and sets it up, while the girls quietly hide behind some paint cans.] "Okay. Good to go."

Kotaro: "Alrighty. Jam Session Take 1."

Lynn Sr: "Starting in... 1, 2, 3, 4!"

[They start playing their instruments with Lynn Senior scatting and Kotaro giving him a thumbs up while the girls observe from behind the paint cans.]

Lisa: [Recording] "Observation #4: Friendship requires common interests."

Lynn Sr: "MAN, WE ARE SO GOOD!"

Lisa: [She and the others cover their ears] "Also, common delusions."

[The next day in Ms. Shrinivas' classroom.]

Ms. Shrinivas: "So nice of you to come volunteer today, Jackson."

Jackson: "It's no big deal. I'm mainly here for Lisa. But I do know this one friend of mine who's really good with kids. He'll probably do a better job."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Well, I look forward to meeting him then. But either way, thank you for coming." [Heads to kids]

Jackson: "Anytime." [Watches Lisa]

Lisa: [Going over her data] "Okay. Compliments, sports and/or play, sharing, and common interests. I'm ready. I shall befriend the first person to walk through the door." [Sees a boy eating paste come in and groans] "Spoke too soon. Not Petey Wimple. He eats paste." [Sees a girl with an overbite and bites taken out of an apple come in] "Hmm. Not Charlotte Yang. She's a biter." [Sees a girl with light-up shoes casually come in and gasps] "Darcy Helmandollar! She'll do." [Darcy walks in and comes up to Lisa, but she's confused when Lisa starts talking to her.] "Greetings, Darcy. I have observed that your sneakers light up. Though they appear to lack purpose, I would like to compliment you on their whimsy."

Darcy: [Flattered] "Thanks, Lisa. I've always liked your shoes too. They remind me of my grandpa's." [Puts her things in her cubby]

Lisa: [Flattered] "Oh, thank you." [Into recorder] "Compliment has been administered. Subject appears to be receptive to pursuing friendship."

Jackson: [Observing] "Hmm. I think my friend will like this when I bring him over."

[At the playground, Darcy is playing on the jungle gym, just as Lisa walks up to her.]

Lisa: "Greetings. Would you care to join me in casual sport and/or play?"

Darcy: "Sure!" [Gets off the jungle gym] "Do you like the seesaw?"

Lisa: "Can't say I've heard of it, but, uh, what the heck?"

[Darcy takes Lisa to the seesaw. Miss Shrinivas and Jackson come by and see the two of them playing. Darcy is having fun while Lisa is looking nervous.]

Darcy: "Whee! Isn't this fun?!"

Lisa: [Gives Darcy a thumbs up and speaks into the recorder] "The subject's dilated pupils seem to indicate further cementing of friendship."

Darcy: "I gotta tinkle." [Gets off, inadvertently leaving Lisa to fall down rapidly.]

Lisa: "OOF!"

Jackson: [Cringing] "Oh, great." [Leaps over the fence and runs to Lisa] "Be right back!"

Ms. Shrinivas: "You don't have to leap over..." [Sighs]

[During Lunchtime, Darcy is eating a sandwich, and Lisa approaches with a green object.]

Lisa: "Care to share my homemade kelp leather? Full of nutrients, but zero taste. So, it goes down smooth."

Darcy: [Swallows her sandwich bite and is uncertain] "Um... Okay. Thanks, Lisa." [Chews the kelp leather with an uneasy face.] "It's so... chewy." [Smiles sheepishly]

[Miss Shrinivas and Jackson have observed this. Later, naptime comes, and Lisa approaches a lone cot.]

Lisa: "Oy. Here's my least favorite part." [She pushes the cot over to the others, scraping it along the tile floor, making herself, Miss Shrinivas, and Jackson cringe.]

Jackson: "What I wouldn't give to get some sleeping bags in this part of the school." [Miss Shrinivas nods in agreement as Lisa brings her cot next to Darcy, who's sleeping with a stuffed giraffe.]

Lisa: "Oh! I see we have a common interest in the Giraffa Camelopardalis." [Darcy blinks in confusion] "The... giraffe. I mean, isn't that a stuffed giraffe?"

Darcy: "Oh, you mean Rafo. You have a stuffed giraffe, too?"

Lisa: "No, my youngest sibling, Lily, does, but I have a giraffe cerebrum soaking in formaldehyde."

Darcy: [Giggles] "You use funny words, Lisa."

[They go to sleep.]

Ms. Shrinivas: "Okay, class, it's sharing time! Who wants to start?"

Darcy: [Raises her hand] "Ooh! Ooh! I have something to share! It's my new friend, Lisa."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Great sharing, Darcy." [Whispering to Lisa] "And great social skills, Lisa. You just turned that F into an A."

[Lisa smiles. The next day, she goes back to her research at the table.]

Lisa: [Giddy] "Now that my academic record is secure, and my seat on the interplanetary council is solidified, I can return to my beloved research." [Hugs the equipment] "Have you missed me, electron microscope?"

Darcy: "Hi, new friend!"

Lisa: [Realizes Darcy is right behind her; nervous.] "Oh, uh..." [Stammers] "R...Right. Greetings, Darcy."

Darcy: [Grabs some beakers] "Are we playing scientist today? You always make it look so fun."

[She's about to mix some chemicals, but Lisa gasps and frantically grabs them from her.]

Lisa: "Please be careful with these! This isn't really playing!" [Puts them back] "It's complex and potentially dangerous research." [Darcy looks at her, confused] "Uh... Maybe we can engage in play and/or sport later."

Darcy: "Oh. Okay." [Walks away] "I'll save you a spot on the seesaw at recess!"

Lisa: [Recording] "Slight complication: I failed to consider that the subject might wish to remain friends after I achieved my objective."

Darcy: [Waving to her new friend] "Lisa! Lisa!" [Shows a drawing she made of the two of them together] "I hope you like this drawing of us."

Lisa: [Sighs and speaks into the recorder again] "Although she did help me secure that A. So, I might as well keep her company."

Jackson: [Shows up, startling Lisa] "Yes, you should."

[Naptime comes, and Lisa tries to sleep, but Darcy disturbs her with Rafo.]

Darcy: "Hi, giraffe twin. Rafo wants to play. Did you bring your sibling's giraffe?"

Lisa: "Uh, let's just say that Lily's giraffe does not travel well. Now, if you don't mind, I do need my REM sleep. I have a lot of short-term memories I need to convert to long-term." [Darcy looks sad] "Oh, tell you what? You, Rafo, and I can circle back to that playdate post slumber. Sound like a plan?" [Goes to sleep]

Darcy: [Pretending to be Rafo] "'Naps are boring! Let's play now! Maybe, we can wake her up with a...'" [She starts rubbing Lisa with Rafo, much to the little genius's annoyance.] "TICKLE FIGHT!"

[Snack time. Lisa is eating her kelp leather, which is now modified, and reading a book. Darcy comes up.]

Darcy: "Lisa! My dad packed two cookies today. One for me and one for my new friend. Maybe, next time, I can get one for your big friend, Jackson."

Lisa: "Oh, that is very generous, but I must decline. Spikes in blood sugar affect my mental acuity. So, just the kelp leather for me today."

Darcy: "That's okay. We can still sit together." [Sits down]

Lisa: [Nervous] "Uh, actually, if you don't mind, I was hoping to use snack time to brush up on my Mandarin. I have a video conference coming up with my colleagues in Singapore."

Darcy: "Ooh! I have a book too!" [Takes out a book called A Cat Day.] "Reading twins!" [Opens the book and tries reading] "The... ca-hat... s-s-sat..."

[Lisa facepalms in despair.]

Lisa: "I guess I'll have to give her a 101 on reading."

[Lisa is working on more chemicals.]

Lisa: "And now, to add a single drop of the concentrated acid..." [Prepares the drop]

Darcy: [Behind her] "Hi, friend!" [Lisa gets startled and almost drops the beaker, but she salvages it in the nick of time.] "Sorry. Anyway, I made you something in Craft Time." [Takes out a bracelet and wraps it around Lisa's arm]

Lisa: "What... is this... bizarre shackle?!"

Darcy: "A friendship bracelet. I can show you how to make one for me too, and then, we can be bracelet twins!"

Lisa: [sighs] "Darcy, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make one of these."

Darcy: "I know it looks hard, but I can help you."

Lisa: "No-No-No-No. See, you're a great kid, but my lifestyle isn't really conducive to having friends. To be perfectly frank, I sought you out to improve my grade in Social Skills. Now that the objective in question has been achieved, I feel it would be best for both of us if we went our separate ways." [Gives the bracelet back to a heartbroken Darcy]

Darcy: "But..."

Lisa: "I do appreciate your assistance though, and if you ever need a reference for another friend, I would be glad to give you a glowing recommendation." [Darcy starts to whimper, but Lisa, despite noticing, is oblivious.] "What's wrong? Did some of the concentrated acid get in your eye?"

Darcy: [Crushed] "NO! YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!" [Starts to cry and runs off]

Lisa: [Guilty] "Oh, dear." [Follows her] "Darcy, please don't be despondent."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Girls, what's going on here?"

Lisa: "Oh, uh, nothing to worry about, Miss Shrinivas."

Ms. Shrinivas: [Notices Darcy’s behavior] "Darcy, why are you crying?"

Darcy: [Tearfully] "Lisa..." [Sniffles while pointing to Lisa] "...said... she didn't want to be my friend anymore!" [Cries]

[Miss Shrinivas hugs Darcy and sternly looks at Lisa, who looks just as upset.]

Ms. Shrinivas: "Darcy, why don't you go get Rafo and meet me in my reading chair?"

[Darcy nods and leaves to get Rafo.]

Ms. Shrinivas: "Lisa, why did you say that to Darcy?"

Lisa: "Look, Miss S, I understand that friendship is an academic requirement, but to be honest, I just don't see the point of it."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Perhaps, you don't, but I'm afraid until you do, I can't give you that A in Social Skills. Now, I'd like you to go sit in timeout and think about how you treated Darcy."

[Lisa dreadfully obeys.]

[Timeout Stool.]

Jackson: "You know, you kind of deserve this. I mean, you were being selfish earlier."

Lisa: "And I'm starting to see that now." [Sighs; despondent] "Well, there goes my perfect academic record. All because I was being nothing short of selfish. What am I gonna tell the other beings on the interplanetary council?" [Gasps upon realizing something] "Now, I might not even make the council because of this! I might have to be an-" [Her pupils shrink] "....alternate!" [Becomes really sad]

Darcy: "Lisa?" [Lisa and Jackson look to her] "I thought you might like this." [Gives Lisa a cookie]

Lisa: [Surprised] "W-Why are you giving this to me?"

Darcy: "You looked sad. I wanted to make you feel better."

Lisa: "But why would you want to make me feel better?"

Darcy: "Because that's what friends do for each other."

Lisa: [Realizes] "'Because that's what friends do for each other'. But... I hurt your feelings because I wanted to end our friendship."

Darcy: "I know, but... I always saw how lonely you looked. I couldn't just see you like that anymore. I wanna be by your side."

[Lisa thinks back to before she befriended Darcy, when she always glanced at her classmates rather than mingle with them.]

Lisa: "Would you excuse me for just one moment?" [Speaks into her recorder] "Research epiphany: I have discovered the point of having friends. Not to check off an academic requirement, or to impress a bunch of aliens, but because..." [Looks at Darcy] "...friends make your life better." [Darcy smiles at what Lisa said.] "Thank you, Darcy." [Breaks the cookie in half and gives Darcy her half] "Care to join me... 'cookie twin'?" [An elated Darcy sits next to her on the Timeout Stool, and the two enjoy their cookie.]

Jackson: [Approaches Miss Shrinivas] "I think Lisa might be getting that A in Social Skills after all, Miss Shrinivas."

Ms. Shrinivas: "Are you sure, Jackson?" [Jackson points to Lisa and Darcy getting back together]

[Miss Shrinivas witnesses the special bond between the two.]

Jackson: "Is that proof enough?"

Ms. Shrinivas: "I'd have to say 'Yes'. Give me a moment." [Leaves and writes on her clipboard]

Lisa: "Hey, you wanna come over after school and play with my CAT scan machine?" [Darcy looks at her, confused] "And... my pet cat, Cliff."

Darcy: "We have a kitty too!" [Hugs Lisa] "CAT TWINS!"

[Lisa smiles at her new friend.]

Chapter Text

As you are undoubtedly aware, Luan has an unhealthy habit of screwing with her siblings.

A case in point...

[One morning in the kitchen, Lincoln comes in wearing his pajamas, yawning while Luan pours a glass of fruit juice.]

Luan: "Hey, Lincoln. Want some punch?"

Lincoln: "Sure!"

[Luan takes out an extendable boxing glove and punches her brother with it, sending him flying and screaming through the kitchen, and laughs at his expense.]

Luan: "Psych! If that joke knocked you out, don't miss my performance in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday at the Chortle Portal." [Holds up a flyer for the contest and gives it to Lincoln.] "It's sure to generate a lot of..." [Grabs Lincoln's hand and shocks him with a joy buzzer in her hand as she pulls him up.] "...buzz!" [Laughs and runs off]

And that's just the breakfast.

The appetizer was given out when...

[Lori and Leni are putting on their makeup in the bathroom. Lori with a mascara and Leni with a lipstick. Luan barges in, making them ruin their faces.]

Luan: "Did you guys hear that the lipstick and the eyeliner got into a fight? Don't worry. They'll makeup!" [Laughs and nudges Leni] "Get it?"

[Lori and Leni sigh as Luan gives them a flyer.]

Luan: "Come see me perform in the Junior Comedian's Contest this Saturday. It'll definitely leave you feeling..." [flushes the toilet] "...flushed!"

[Luna screams from the toilet flushing because the water became hot.]

Luna: "Seriously, Luan?!"

Luan: "Sorry, sissy. Just wanted to invite my favorite sister in the world to what I want to do this Saturday."

[Luan gives her immediate older sister a flyer, much to her annoyance.]

Personally, appetizers are more appealing to me than the bigger dishes for lunch...

[Lisa is busy working on some chemicals, only for Luan to barge in.]

Luan: "Hey, Lisa, what's 3.14159?"

Lisa: "Pfft. Don't waste my time. That's pi."

Luan: "Did you say 'pie'? Okay!" [Pelts Lisa with one and laughs] "Whoops! My hand slipped! But don't worry. I'll be serving up a big slice of comedy at the Chortle Portal, Saturday night." [Gives Lisa a flyer]

[Lisa wipes her glasses' lenses with the flyer.]

...dinner...

[Lynn and Lucy's room.]

Luan: [Knocking on Lucy's coffin] "Knock-knock!" [Quickly puts on a vampire outfit]

Lucy: [From inside] "Who's there?"

Luan: "Ivan."

Lucy: "Ivan who?"

Luan: [Opens the coffin as Lucy hissed; Transylvanian accent.] "Ivan to suck your blood!" [Nibbles her sister's head... before spitting out a hair] "Ew." [Notices the Edwin bust] "Ooh! I know!" [Grabs it] "Let's try this again! This time, I'll use Edwin as a mask." 

Lucy: "Please don't touch Edwin." [Takes Edwin back and closes her coffin.]

Luan: "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to be a..." [Transylvanian accent] "...pain in the neck!" [Laughs; normal tone] "Hey, come see my act at the Chortle Portal." [Puts the flyer inside the coffin] "I promise it won't bite!" [Laughs]

[As she leaves, she places a whoopee cushion on Lucy's desk, where Lynn arrives with her football and sits down and falls for the trick.]

Luan: "Gas what, immediate little sister? You're invited too!" [Gives Lynn a flyer]

...and dessert.

[Lola and Lana's room. Lola is having a tea party with her dolls.]

Lola: "Thank you all for coming to my tea party. Who would like a finger sandwich?"' [offers them]

[Mister Coconuts suddenly appears on the tray.]

Mr. Coconuts: "SURPRISE!" [Lola screams and falls over] "Finger sandwich, you say? I was hoping for toe-fu! Har har! Get it, toots?"

[Lola gets annoyed as Luan gives her a flyer.]

Luan: "Don't be a dummy. Come to my show." [Gives more to Lola's dolls and leaves.]

Then, things took a different turn.

[Later that day, the parents return with groceries. They then notice Jackson hanging upside down on the front yard's tree, meditating.]

Rita: [Smirks] "Is this how vigilantes meditate before going on runs?"

Jackson: "Actually, I'm meditating for when I have to face Luan." [Climbs down] "After hearing about this Chortle Portal thingy, I just had to go to the McBride's House and meditate so that I don't give her any attitude."

Lynn Sr: "Smart move, bud. Mind helping us with the groceries?"

Jackson: "Sure." [Grabs some bags] 

[In the living room, the other siblings are talking about what Luan did to them earlier as Jackson and the parents enter. Lily is seen chewing on the table, prompting Jackson to put his bags down and pull her away.]

Jackson: "That's not chocolate, Lily."

Rita: "What happened to you kids?"

Kids: "Luan."

Lincoln: "I got punched by her extendable boxing glove!"

Luna: "I got flushed when I was showering!"

Lisa: "I got pie'd in the face."

Lola: [Unimpressed] "I got jumpscared by Mister Coconuts! Toe-fu? Really?"

[Enter Lana with an egg yolk and a flyer on her head, sighing.]

Lincoln: "Let me guess. Luan?"

Lana: "Ugh. She said she had a 'yolk' that would 'crack me up'. PS: It didn't."

[Luan is coming downstairs with Mister Coconuts and hears what they're saying.]

Lynn: "I can't wait for her Chortle Portal thing to be over." [While bouncing her basketball] "She's been driving us nuts ever since it was announced!"

Lola: [Getting a manicure from Leni] "Tell me about it! It's not even funny! It's just obnoxious!"

Leni: "She's so annoying!"

Lincoln: "I wish she would just stop!"

Lola: "Yeah!"

Leni: "Totes!"

Lori: "Seriously!"

Lana: "I know! It's not cool!"

Lynn Sr: "Okay, take it easy, kids."

Jackson: "Look, the three of us know that Luan can be... over the top and such, but even so, I suggest we be patient with her."

Lola: "Oh? And since when did her 'archnemesis' suddenly become her defender?"

Jackson: "Luan and I actually learned about the Chortle Portal beforehand." [The kids are surprised by this] "And so, I chose to spend the following days at Clyde's house and meditate before facing her antics head-on."

Lincoln: "You two knew about this and didn't tell us?!"

Jackson: "I thought it would probably annoy you if we told-"

Lincoln: "If you told us sooner, we would've prepared for her nonsense! And now, she won't stop until Saturday!"

[Upon hearing this, Luan becomes depressed, closes Mister Coconuts' eyes, and walks back upstairs.]

Luan: [To herself] "Maybe, they're right. I should probably stop."

In hindsight, I should've said something instead of heading over to Clyde's house.

As the Chortle Portal thing closed in, things got weird.

[The next day, same setup as yesterday with Lincoln and Luan.]

Lincoln: [Notices Luan pouring fruit punch and flinches.] "Oh, boy. Is that punch juice?"

Luan: "Yep. Want some?"

Lincoln: [Holding a skillet] "Not this time!" [He holds it up for protection, but to his surprise, Luan just pours a glass and gives him some.] "Oh." [Luan walks off] "Thanks?" [Takes a sip. Enter Jackson.]

Jackson: "Luan, do you mind if we..." [Notices her behavior] "Are you okay?" [She doesn't answer]

Worse still for Luna, what happened to her the other day happened twice.

Just... not by Luan this time.

[Luan goes to the bathroom to see Lori and Leni doing what they did yesterday.]

Luan: "Hey, guys, do you know what happened to my hairbrush?"

Lori: [Sarcastically] "I don't know, Luan. What did happen to your hairbrush?"

Luan: "Oh. Never mind. There it is." [Takes it and leaves, much to the befuddlement of her older sisters.] "I just wanna get ready for my date with Benny next week."

Luna: [Pops her head out of the shower.] "That was totally weird, dudes. Focusing more on Benny than the Chortle Portal this Saturday?"

Leni: "I know. She didn't even do this." [Flushes the toilet, making Luna scream from the hot water once again.]

Lori: "Leni."

Leni: "Sorry. I forgot."

[Lisa and Lily's room]

Lisa: [Finishing a math equation] "Chyeah! I solved it! I do not know why Pythagoras couldn't hack this one. It's a piece of cake."

Luan: [Enters] "Did you just say piece of cake?"

Lisa: [Nervous] "Oh, boy. Here comes the dessert projectile!" [Puts on a gas mask for protection.]

Luan: [Looking at the equation] "'Cause it looks really hard to me. Congratulations." [Shakes Lisa's hand and leaves]

Lisa: [Baffled] "Felicitations instead of frosting? I don't understand." [Peeks her head out as Jackson arrives]

Jackson: "Luan?" [She still doesn't answer]

Lisa: "What's gotten into her?"

Jackson: "I don't know. We should probably keep an eye on her."

[Jackson and Lisa observe Luan as she goes to Lucy and Lynn's room.]

Luan: [Knocking] "Knock-knock."

Lucy & Lynn: "Ugh." [Sarcastic] "Who's there?"

Luan: "Me. I need to borrow a dollar." [Lucy is confused]

Lynn: [Expecting a punchline] "Me. I need to borrow a dollar... who... Okay, that's just weird. Is this another way of screwing with us?"

Luan: [Annoyed] "Fine. If you're not gonna help me, I'll just go ask Lola." [Leaves]

[Lucy and Lynn look at each other, shocked. Lola is having another tea party in her room. Enter Luan.]

Luan: "Hey, Lola, can I borrow a dollar?"

Lola: [Thinking it's a pun] "Oh, heh-heh. I get it. Doll-ar." [Points to her doll] "Very funny." [Awkwardly realizes] "Oh. You... actually want a dollar."

Luan: "Are you gonna pass me one, or do I have to ask the only other-"

Lola: "Okay, okay! Relax!" [Unzips her teddy bear, gets out her cash stash, and gives Luan a dollar.]

Luan: "Thanks." [Leaves]

Lola: "Sheesh. Just lighten up already."

Luan: "I don't think I ever will." [Lola is confused by that]

Jackson: "Luan, can you just listen to me for-"

Luan: "Jackson, could you PLEASE let me hear myself think?! I got so much on my mind today, and I DON'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED!" [Goes back into her room and slams the door]

Jackson: "So, this is what it's like to be on the receiving end, huh?"

Lisa: "Not as satisfying."

[The other siblings are in the kitchen having a snack.]

Lola: "Okay, you guys, Luan's been acting really weird. She just asked me for money but didn't make any joke or pun about it."

Lana: [Jokingly] "Oh? She didn't want any cheddar? Or lettuce? Or bread?" [Pulls out one part of her sandwich on each word in the form of a pun, and Lola shakes her head.] "Whoa. That is weird."

Lisa: "Come to think of it, she missed the perfect opportunity to cake me. So, Jackson and I observed her."

Lincoln: "And?"

Lisa: "Well, we didn't get much... other than Jackson being on the receiving end of the yelling for once."

Lucy: "She knocked on my coffin just to ask for a dollar as well."

Leni: "Maybe, we should see if she's okay."

Lincoln: [Relieved] "Or... maybe, we should just be grateful for the break. I say we celebrate."

Lisa: "Agreed. We can finally enjoy pie without having it propelled into our faces." [Opens the fridge and takes out a pie] "Let's seize this opportunity!"

[The others cheer]

[Later, Lincoln is dragging a garbage bag.]

Lincoln: "Trash call! I'm coming in!" [Enters Luan and Luna's room, only to find the waste bin filled with familiar flyers] "What the...?" [Goes to Luan, who's reading on her bed.] "Oh. Luan, you accidentally put your flyers in the trash."

Luan: "No accident. I'm not entering the contest. In fact, I'm out of the comedy game."

Lincoln: [Puts down Luan's book, shocked] "What? Why would you give up the thing you love most?"

Luan: "Because I heard what you all said about me the other day."

Lincoln: [Realizes] "Oh, right. L-Look. We didn't mean that stuff. We were just venting. See, you've been so in our faces lately. I'm sure it's just because you're getting ready for your show. Jackson even-"

Luan: [Carrying all her props] "You don't have to make excuses, Lincoln. I get it. I'm not funny. I'm annoying. In fact, while you've got that trash bag..." [Tosses her notebook in it] "Joke notebook, trash."

Lincoln: "No, Luan, you are funny!"

Luan: "Can't hear ya." [Tosses her gag glasses in the trash] "Funny nose and glasses, trash."

Lincoln: "We didn't mean-"

Luan: "I don't care." [Tossing her whoopee cushions] "Whoopee cushions, trash. It's okay, Lincoln. You did me a favor. If I'm annoying to my own family, think how annoying I'd be to an audience full of strangers. I try to put on a performance, but there comes a time when something that's meant to be funny ends up devolving into a nuisance when it's used over and over." [She kisses Mister Coconuts] "Goodbye, old friend." [Drops him in the trash bag.]

Lincoln: [Flabbergasted] "Wha?"

Luan: "Thanks for taking out the trash." [Pushes him out of her room and closes the door.]

Lincoln: "Luan, I really-"

Luan: [Annoyed] "I already said my piece, Lincoln! Now, GO AWAY!" [Starts to cry]

Jackson: [Shows up] "Convinced?"

Lincoln: "What should we do to fix it?"

Jackson: "Figure it out." [Leaves] "I'm not gonna help this time."

[In the kitchen, the other sisters are enjoying the pie.]

Lincoln: "Guys, put down the pie."

Lola: [Frantically tosses her slice out the window.] "Why? Is it going to explode?"

Lincoln: "No, and it never will again. Luan heard everything we said about her, and now she's giving up comedy!"

Sisters: "What?!"

Lori: "Jackson isn't bothering to help her?"

Lincoln: "He wants us to make up for it. If we don't, Luan will never be the same."

Leni: "Wow. Then, her show at the Chortle Portal is gonna be really bad."

Lincoln: [Shakes Leni] "No, she's not doing the Chortle Portal! She's forfeiting that too!"

[The sisters gasp]

Lola: "But that was a big deal for her! She wrote about it in her diary!" [All of them turn to and glare at her as she realizes her slip of the tongue.] "Probably!"

Lori: "We have to convince her to do the show!"

Lana: "We've got until tomorrow night. We can come up with something."

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "Already did. Guys, huddle up."

[They all huddle]

Chapter Text

[Someone is watching Leni on the sofa with Cliff, who is blinking Morse Code at her, through a looking glass.]

Leni: [Gasps at Cliff's blinking] "OMGosh! What does that mean?"

[It's revealed that Lincoln is viewing them through a periscope. He retracts it and heads into Lori and Leni's room, where Jackson, the other sisters, and their dad are gathered.]

Lincoln: "Okay, Leni should be occupied for a while. I told her she can communicate with Cliff by blinking."

Lori: [Bangs her shoe like a gavel] "I call this meeting to order!" [Jackson starts recording the meeting]

Luna: "Is the recording necessary?"

Jackson: "Leni never goes after my camera. She respects my privacy."

Lincoln: [To the recording] "We've tried throwing a few surprise parties in this family, but it's always gone wrong. And we all know why. Or should I say who?"

[Lisa sets up her own tablet.]

Lisa: "'Or should we say who?', Lincoln. Observe." [Presses "Play" on a video]

[Flashback to one surprise party. Lynn and Jackson are watching from the front door's window and get down.]

Lynn: "Okay, she's coming. Everyone hide."

[Lincoln, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa hide, and Lily covers her eyes. Leni is outside with a party hat and a present, and Lori walks up to the door.]

Lori: "Leni, what are you doing?"

Leni: "Shh! I'm hiding for your surprise party."

[Everyone inside groans at the spoiler, while Lori gives off a dissatisfied look. Flashback to another ruined surprise with Lisa looking angry and holding something.]

Lisa: "Siblings, I am perplexed as to why I have just received an invitation to my own surprise birthday party."

Leni: "Oh! I sent that. I wanted to make sure you'd be there."

[Lori and Jackson shut her up, but the others groan disappointingly anyway. Switch to another flashback with Leni talking to Luna and holding dresses.]

Leni: "Luna, should I wear the pink or blue dress to your surprise party?"

Luna: [Upset] "Dude!"

Leni: [Clueless] "What?"

[Enter Luan and Jackson wearing two yellow and brown striped party hats.]

Luan: "I pink you just blue the surprise!" [Laughs] "Get it?" [Jackson gives an annoyed growl, causing Luan to take it seriously] "I-I mean... But seriously, you ruined it."

[End flashbacks, which are all from the video on Lisa's tablet.]

Luan: "Way to kill the joy in that last one." [Luna elbows her] "Ow!"

Lisa: [Pauses the video] "All surprises in that video were ruined by one common denominator."

Jackson: "Yeah. The clueless Leni." [Lori reapplies her shoe]

Lincoln: "Well, this year, we want to throw a surprise party for Mom. Which means, as much as we love her, we have to keep Leni out of it."

Luan: "Any comments or arguments, Jackson?"

Jackson: "None."

Luan: "Just checking."

Lori: [Showing a card of her cleaning up] "Okay, guys, let me break it down for you: I'll do the cleaning." [Switches to a card of Lola and Lynn with treats] "Lola and Lynn are on food." [Switches to a card of Lucy and Lana with balloons and streamers] "Lana and Lucy will do the decorations." [Switches to a card with Luna and Luan performing, and Lisa with a list] "Luan and Luna will handle entertainment. Lisa will be in charge of the guest list." [Switches to a card of their parents leaving the house] "And Dad will get Mom out of the house until everything is ready."

Lincoln: "What about me and Jax? What's our job?"

Lori: "You boys have the most important job of all." [Switches to a card of Leni with a caption that says "Just make the boys do it".] "You have to keep Leni distracted till Mom comes home. If she's coming our way, just yell a code word."

Jackson: "Any suggestions?"

Lori: [Ponders] "Uh... Let's make it 'daffodil"."

Lincoln: "Uh, can it be something cooler? Like "serpent", or "quasar", or-"

Jackson: "Better than nothing." [Gazes at the card's caption] "Could you at least make Lincoln do it alone?"

Lori: "Why?"

Jackson: "Well, I thought I should be helping Lisa with the guests. 'Cause there are 3 guests in particular that I want to-"

[Leni comes in and the others scream in surprise, as does Leni.]

Leni: "Is this how we're saying hello now? I like it! Don't mind me. Just getting my polish." [Grabs her polish as the others give disappointed looks to one another] "Cliff blinked that he wants me to do his nails. Oh, by the way, while I have you guys, it's Mom's birthday today! I was thinking we should throw her one of our famous Loud Family surprise parties. If everyone agrees, I'll go tell her right now!"

Lori: "Uh, actually, I don't think Mom wants a party this year. Let's just keep it low-key."

[Everyone else agrees.]

Lynn Sr: "Yeah."

Jackson: "Totes."

Sisters: "Definitely. Low-key."

Lincoln: "Uh, hey, Leni, while you're here, I have some urgent fashion questions for you."

[While Lincoln has Leni distracted, the rest of their family sneaks out of the room.]

Leni: "Lincoln, all fashion questions are urgent."

Lori: [Closes the door] "You sure you want to help Lisa with the guests and not Lincoln with Leni?"

Jackson: "It's just 3 guys, Lore. And Linc's got it in the bag. Besides, Len's not going out, LS and Rita are.

Lynn Sr: [Shrugs] "He's got a point. I don't think Leni's going anywhere today. She's usually busy in her room."

Lori: [Sighs] "Okay, but just those 3 guys. And don't alert my mother either. If she catches you out of the house-"

Jackson: "I'll make something up."

[Downstairs, Jackson and the other sisters see their parents leaving.]

Lynn Sr: [Acting] "Okay, kids, we're leaving now! I'm taking your mother shopping because I love to shop!" [Soes out the door, winks to them, and closes the door] "Just like my second child."

Lucy: "We should stop including Dad in the surprise party planning too. He gets stressed every time we're surprising Mom."

Jackson: [Opens the door] "Okay. LS is taking Rita out for a shopping outing, while I..." [Steps out] "...will be helping Lis with bringing the guests to this party, including 3 extras of my own choosing." [Tries to leave]

Luan: "One question." [Jackson stops] "This... trio that you want to bring. What are they like?"

Jackson: [Turns to Luan] "Let's just say we're '4 of a kind'." [Leaves]

Luan: "'4 of a kind'?"

Luna: "Well, Jax does stuff on the internet, he loves music, and he does those... 'vigilante runs' of his. So, I guess that means he's not the only one in Royal Woods."

Luan: [Starts to get excited] "So, there could be 4 Jacksons?! COOL!"

[Back in Lori and Leni's room, Leni gets out a plaid fabric.]

Leni: "And this is plaid."

Lincoln: "So, um... is there a difference between plaid and checkers?"

Leni: "Huge difference! But to really help you understand, I should go get some samples from downstairs."

Lincoln: [Blocks the door so she can't get out.] "No! I mean, I have a more important question. Is it ever okay to wear jorts?"

Leni: [Shocked] "OMGosh, Lincoln! We need to go back to square one."

[Lincoln sighs relieved. Leni grabs him and puts him on the bed.]

Leni: "I need to hydrate before we start." [Leaves the room]

Lincoln: [Panicking] "TULIP! I MEAN, DAISY! The heck was that word?"

[Lucy and Lana are doing their decorations when they notice Leni.]

Lucy: [Panicking] "Ah!"

[They get their decorations out of sight, and one of Lana's balloons whizzes around letting out its air.]

Leni: [Thinking she tooted while blushing] "Uh, sorry, guys. Must've been something I ate." [Goes to the kitchen]

[In the kitchen, Lola is frosting the cake, and Lynn is pouring hot sauce on a sandwich. Enter Leni.]

Leni: "Hey, guys!"

[The two sisters yelp. Lynn slaps her sandwich away, and Lola sits on her cake.]

Leni: "Oh, right. I forgot our new greeting." [Screams]

Lynn: [She and Lola go deadpanned] "I think Jax was right. You do scream like a bird."

Leni: "Do I?" [Lynn and Lola nod] "Huh." [Shrugs and gets a glass of water while Charles is eating the sandwich; stops with inspiration] "Ooh, Lola, your cake chair just gave me an idea. Even if we're not throwing Mom a party, maybe we should make her favorite cake."

Lynn: "You heard what Lori said. We're keeping it low-key."

[Enter Lincoln, sweating and still panicking, startling Lynn and Lola.]

Lincoln: "DAFFODIL!" [breathes heavily]

[Lynn and Lola roll their eyes, knowing he said the code word too late, while Leni walks away.]

Leni: [Misinterpreting] "You're not ready for floral prints, Lincoln."

Lynn: "How could you forget?!"

Lincoln: "Sorry. If Jackson were with me, he would've made me remember."

Lola: "Speaking of Jackson, I wonder how he's doing."

[Cut to the neighborhood, where Jackson takes a deep breath upon approaching a house in particular.]

Jackson: "Okay. Buddy #1." [Knocks on the door]

[The door opens; though the person opening it is not shown onscreen. However, the voice has a New Zealand accent of sorts.]

???: "Oh. Hey, Jax."

Jackson: "Hey, man."

[Back in Lori and Leni's room.]

Leni: "Well, that covers everything!"

[Her whole room is filled with different design fabrics.]

Lincoln: "Literally."

Leni: "I'm gonna go gossip with Cliff."

Lincoln: "Wait!" [Blocks the door] "Uh, hey, you're always looking for a dress model. Well..." [Grins nervously] "...I'm your guy."

[Leni gasps in delight. Later, she's now working on a new outfit with Lincoln as said model.]

Lincoln: [Disgruntled] "My sisters and Jackson owe me big time."

Leni: "What was that?"

Lincoln: "Uh, I said, I think we need to redo the hemline." [Grins nervously again]

Leni: "Speaking of Jax, where is he? He could've saved you from this."

Lincoln: "He just went out for a walk."

[Luna and Luan are getting their props for the show and close their door loudly.]

Lori: [From the bathroom in a cleaning outfit] "Keep it down, guys. Leni will hear."

[Luna and Luan nod and start tiptoeing down the hallway, but Luan's joke teeth fall out, and Luna trips over them, making her yelp and land with a thud, causing her to drop her instruments, which all make a loud crashing sound.]

Luan: [Apologetically] "I'm so sorry, sissy!"

Luna: [Gets up] "It's fine, baby sis. I just hope Leni didn't hear that."

[Cut to Lori and Leni's room.]

Leni: [Having heard the commotion] "What was that?"

Lincoln: "Nothing! I didn't hear Luna drop her cymbals!" [Realizes what he said] "I mean, uhh..." [He sees Leni heading for the door, and flails his arms while following her] "DAFFODIL! DAFFODIL!"

[Luan and Luna hide their props and stand casually as Leni comes by. Lincoln rushes ahead of Leni and joins Luna and Luan. He turns around while on his feet.]

Lincoln: "Luna, you gotta-" [He slips on Luna's drum and falls down the stairs to Luna and Luan's horror. They wince as Lincoln hits the stairs. Lincoln lands with Walt flying around his head like a cartoon bird; dazed.] "Daffodil."

Luna: "Missed one."

[Lucy and Lana get rid of their decorations and run over to Lincoln, along with Lisa. Lana and Lisa help him get back up.]

Lisa: "Lincoln, you need to get your proverbial act together."

Lucy: "Yeah. We'll never get this done if we have to keep starting over."

[Leni comes down the stairs with Lori right behind her.]

Leni: "Are you okay, Lincoln? If you wanna jump down the stairs, I have just the thing: Parachute pants!" [Notices something and flicks it off Lana's hat] "Oh, Lana, those popped balloons on your hat just gave me an idea! I know we're not having a party, but shouldn't we at least do a little decorating for Mom's birthday?"

Lisa: "To repeat, keeping it low-key."

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "But you know what we could use? A great card! Maybe, one with a camel, in a space suit. Uh, that's also scratch-and-sniff. And that also says "Happy birthday from your 11 kids"."

Leni: "Adorbs! But where would I find one?"

Lincoln: "The Hazeltucky Party Outlet!"

Leni: "Hmm. That's, like, three bus rides away. But it's for Mom, and she's totes worth it. Bye!" [Leaves]

Lana: [Locks her brother into a playful noogie] "Nice thinking, big brother!"

Lucy: "Can someone help me with the streamers?"

[Leni comes back, and the others gasp. Lori grabs Lucy - holding the bag of streamers - and tosses her to the other side of the room.]

Lucy: "Ah!" [Crashes offscreen] "Ow."

Leni: "I forgot my shoes!" [Looks down and sees she's already wearing them] "Oh, wait. No, I didn't. Silly me 'Kay, bye!" [Leaves again]

[Everyone sighs relieved]

Lori: "Okay. We lost some valuable time, but we can still do this. Everyone back to work!"

Lincoln: [Heads back up] "You owe me by the way." [This annoys his sisters] "Same with Jackson!"

Lisa: [Pulls out her radio] "Speaking of Jackson, where is he?"

Lori: "You're the one in charge of the guests."

Lisa: "No, I'm in charge of the guest list. Jackson's in charge of gathering them."

[Cut to outside, where Jackson and his offscreen friend are looking around at the neighborhood's local park, just as Lisa calls in.]

Lisa: [Over the radio] "Jackson, where are you?"

???: "Is that one of your housemates?"

Jackson: "Yeah, it's Lisa." [Grabs and uses his radio] "Hey, don't worry about me, Lis. I've already got one of my selected guests, and we're currently looking for the second."

Lisa: "Well, you better hurry. There's still a bunch of other guests on the list."

Jackson: "I know." [Hangs up]

???: "Wait. What are you up to?"

Jackson: "I'll tell you once we get all four of us together. For now, let's just find-" [Spots someone blurred out in the distance]

???: [Spots the same person] "Is that him?"

Jackson: "Yep. That's our guy."

[Lana and Lucy resume decorating and Lana comes across a problem. She checks inside the bag beside her.]

Lana: "Dang it. I'm out of balloons. Ooh, I know! My emergency stash of ABC gum!"

[She drops the bag and pulls a piece of gum from under the banister, chews it, and blows a bubble to act as a balloon. Lucy runs out of streamers and uses some of Lana's emergency toilet paper from her pocket to act as a substitute. Lana walks away with the toilet roll attached to her. In the kitchen, Lynn is making another sandwich and dumps a jar of jalapenos on it. She takes a taste, but she gets her face red and feels steam coming out of her ears in the process, making her scream and thud.]

Lynn: [Normally] "Still not hot enough." [She pours more Tabasco sauce on it]

[On the other side of the table, Lola takes a taste of her cake and suddenly gets a serious sugar rush. She chucks the jar of sweets as she jumps off her seat and runs around the kitchen, wailing like crazy, with Lynn watching her.]

Lola: [Normally] "Mm... Still not sweet enough." [She pours a sack of sugar onto the cake]

Lynn: [Awkwardly] "Okay."

[Luna and Luan come down the stairs and approach Lisa.]

Luan: "Any news on Jax?"

Lisa: "I'm calling him now." [Uses her radio] "Jackson, are you there?"

[Cut to outside the Royal Woods Police Department, where Jackson and his two offscreen friends are waiting.]

Jackson: [Using his radio] "What's up, Lis?"

Lisa: [Over the radio] "Have you found your third friend yet?"

Jackson: "Sorta. He's inside the police department, visiting his uncle."

Luna: [Over the radio] "Don't tell us his uncle has a criminal record."

Jackson: "No, his uncle's a detective. A very popular one, actually." [Someone steps out] "Oh, here he comes."

[Cut back to the Loud House.]

Lisa: "Better make it a quick grab. I'll need the four of you to go collect the people on the guest list."

Jackson: [Over the radio] "Just text us a picture."

Luan: [Pulls out her phone] "Way ahead of you, Jax."

[Later, the living room is fully decorated, and the team has finished with their plans. They are waiting for the guests when the doorbell rings. Lisa walks to the front door.]

Lisa: "The guests have arrived." [Opens the door]

[Enter Flip eating a bag of chips and sucking each one of his fingers like a slob.]

Flip: "How do! Flip has a policy of never showing up empty-handed. So, here!" [Hands Lisa his so-called "gift": A milk carton with a smelly green wisp and flies flying around it.]

Lisa: [Sarcastically deadpan] "Expired milk? Gee, how thoughtful."

Flip: "You're welcome." [Belches] "Eh, where's the grub?"

[Mister Grouse also enters.]

Mr. Grouse: "Eh, someone turn on the boob tube." [He sits down next to Lana and turns on the TV] "Ooh, color. Fancy. I'll take it."

[Enter Doctor Feinstein.]

Dr. Feinstein: "Lisa."

Lisa: "Doctor Feinstein! Greetings."

[Dr. Feinstein tips his hat to her and gives her a toothbrush, to her surprise. Lucy walks over to Lisa.]

Lucy: "How in the world did you come up with this abysmal guest list?"

Lisa: "According to my algorithm, the people Mother encounters most are: Her employer, Doctor Feinstein; our cantankerous neighbor, Mister Grouse; and the owner of our local convenience store, Flip."

Lucy: "Just because she 'encounters' them doesn't mean she likes them."

Lisa: "Well, just because she uses toilet paper doesn't mean she'll find it a suitable party decoration."

Lucy: "I ran out of streamers. Can you blame me for-" [Notices something] "Wait. Where's Jackson?" [Lisa notices this too]

Lisa: "Huh. I thought he was with these guys."

Lucy: "Why didn't he just take his car?"

Lana: "Ugh, I told you we should've just stuck with my brown balloons."

Lynn: [Sarcastic] "Yeah, because everyone wants their party to look like Cliff's litter box."

[Luan slides down the banister and appears in the middle.]

Luan: "Hey, guys, I got some great jokes for the party." [Clears throat] "Boy, Mom is so old, her social security number is 1! I would have invited guests for Mom's first birthday party, but they're all extinct!" [The others just give an annoyed look in response, making her realize] "Dang it."

Lori: "I don't think Mom wants to hear jokes about how old she is."

Luna: "Bossman's got a point, dude. Why don't we just stick to my jams for the entertainment?" [Strums her guitar wildly and wails at the top of her lungs, though it makes the others cringe at the loud volume]

Lola: [Unplugs the guitar] "Um, Mom is going to hate that!"

Lincoln: "Yeah. Not the best course of action."

Luna: "Luan made it the only one!"

Lola: "Still, we can't just do this! It'll make her ears bleed!"

Luna: "Right after her teeth fall out from eating your cake!"

[Flip eats a piece of Lynn's sandwich from the buffet table and, due to its extreme spiciness, gets his mouth burned. He screams while his face goes red with steam pouring out of his ears. He tries to cool it down with the expired milk he brought, and spits it out over how gross it is.]

Lincoln: "Lynn, what did you put in that sub? You're going to burn off Mom's taste buds!"

Lynn: "Don't criticize my job when you could barely do yours!"

[They all start arguing until Lori whistles to them.]

Lori: "Guys, stop arguing! You're missing the bigger picture! This party literally stinks."

Lincoln: "You're right."

Lola: "Look at this mess."

[The others, minus an oblivious Lily, murmur in agreement and walk in front of the food table with the three men on the couch behind it.]

Luan: "I don't get it. Where did we go wrong? We've never thrown a bad party before."

Luna: "Are we missing something?"

Mr. Grouse: [Pressing the remote control button] "Yeah! A decent sports package!"

Luna: "Not that!"

Lincoln: [Gasps in realization] "It's Leni! She may spoil all the surprises, but she's the only one who knows how to throw a good party."

Lynn: "Lincoln's right. Leni actually thinks about what people like."

Lori: "We need to call her and get her back here right now." [She dials Leni]

[Over at the Hazeltucky Party Outlet, Leni picks up one of the cards and opens it. But at the same time, her phone rings, making her think of something.]

Leni: [Oblivious to her phone ringing] "Ooh! A musical card!" [Closes it and opens it again at another ringing cue] "Mm. I don't think Mom would be into that." [She puts it back] "I like it though. I should make it my ringtone."

[Back at the house.]

Lori: "She's not answering!"

Lisa: "Let me call Jackson." [Uses her radio] "Jackson, come in!"

[Cut to outside, where Jackson and his three offscreen friends are fixing the car of one of the said friends.]

??? 2: "Dang it, man! Why did we take your car?"

??? 3: "Hey, how was I supposed to know that the engine was wonky?"

???: "Guys, come on, less arguing."

Lisa: [Over the radio] "Jackson, where are you?!"

Jackson: [Uses his radio] "Lisa, why are you yelling?"

Lisa: "Sorry. Where are you? You're not back here. And we're trying to call Leni."

Jackson: "Where is she now?"

Lincoln: [Over the radio] "Hazeltucky Party Outlet."

Jackson: [Checks the map on his phone] "Dang it. Sorry, guys. My friends and I can't make it. We're having car trouble right now, and we're miles away from said outlet."

[Cut back to the house.]

Lisa: [Sighs] "Never mind then. We'll handle it ourselves." [Hangs up] "If anything, they're even further away."

Lincoln: "We have to go get her!"

[The kids go to get Leni, leaving the three men behind. Lisa appears and talks to the guests.]

Lisa: "Sorry, gentlemen. The soiree has concluded."

[Mister Grouse and Doctor Feinstein get up to leave, but they stop as Flip speaks.]

Flip: "Hold up there, Four-Eyes! Flip also has a policy of never leaving a party empty-handed!" [He brings out a sack and collects all the food, tipping the glass bowl of pink liquid over.] "Hee, hee, hee! Okay, let's go. Come on, move it or lose it."

[They leave; though Doctor Feinstein leaves annoyed, while Mister Grouse is concerned. Cut back to the quartet.]

Jackson: [Turns to the others] "Hey, are you guys done yet?"

???: "Not yet!" [Someone's phone rings]

??? 2: "Is that yours?"

??? 3: "No, my battery's dead."

Jackson: [Checks his phone and is surprised] "Oh, my goodness. It's Leni." [Answers] "Len?"

Leni: [Over the phone] "Hey, Jax! I've got an idea for my mom's birthday. Could you come over to Hazeltucky Party Outlet?"

Jackson: "I'd love to, but I'm having car trouble at the moment. And I'm miles away from the outlet."

Leni: "Oh, okay. Uh... Let's meet up at the house then. I'll tell you more over there."

Jackson: "Alright." [Hangs up and leaves on foot] "Meet me at the house guys! Leni and I have a big surprise for ya!"

???: "Could you at least text us the address?"

Jackson: "I will!"

[It's nighttime, and the kids return without Leni, showing miserable looks. Lincoln grabs the door handle.]

Lincoln: "I guess we really blew it. We couldn't find Leni, we couldn't get to Jackson, and now, we can't give Mom a decent-"

[He opens the front door. As he steps in and turns out the light, a couple of familiar faces greet him.]

Leni: "SURPRISE!"

Jackson: "Did ya miss us?"

[Leni has a present, decorations are everywhere, cheesy brass music is playing in the background, and guests include Auth Ruth, Albert, Pam, and two other women.]

Leni: "Oh. It's you guys. Hurry up and hide. Mom will be home any minute."

Lori: "Leni, what's going on?"

Leni: [Guilty] "Don't be mad. I know you wanted to go low-key, but I found all this great stuff at the store, and I decided maybe we should go high-key anyway. Doesn't Mom totally deserve it?" [Puts the present down and holds up the card Lincoln requested] "Plus, I found that card you wanted me to get. It is totes cute. And it's a scratch and sniff too!" [Scratches the camel]

Lola: [Takes the card and gives it a try... only to gag] "Ugh! Camel!"

Lana: "Give me that!" [Does the same, but feels delighted instead] "Ah, camel."

[At that moment, they hear their dad outside.]

Lynn Sr: [Acting] "I guess I'll put my key in and open the front door now!"

Leni: [Gasps in horror] "Mom's here!"

[Everyone gets into a hiding spot. The parents come in and the guests burst out.]

Kids & Guests: "SURPRISE!!!"

Rita: [Gasps with joy] "Oh, my goodness!"

Leni: "Happy birthday, Mom!"

[She and Jackson walk over to her and hug her.]

Rita: "Oh, kids, you've really outdone yourselves. Look at these decorations! You remembered violet is my favorite color." [Smells something] "And do I smell Pad Thai?"

Leni: "Yep. And German chocolate cake for dessert."

Rita: "Thank you so much, kids. This is the perfect party."

Lincoln: "Actually, you should thank Leni. We tried to do this without her, but it was a disaster."

Leni: [Confused] "What do you mean, you tried to do it without me?"

Lincoln: "Uh... yeah. We're sorry, Leni. We were afraid you'd spoil the surprise. We didn't realize you're the only one of us thoughtful enough to make a party really special."

Lori: "In fact, from now on, how would you like to be our official party planner?"

Leni: [Pauses and thinks, before clapping excitedly] "Yay! Thanks, you guys." [To her father] "You hear that, Dad? I'm planning your surprise party next! But don't worry, I'll send you an invitation."

[Everyone else in the room facepalms from Leni's big spoiler, while Jackson just gives a lighthearted laugh. Just then, the doorbell rings, much to everyone's confusion.]

Albert: "Did you invite someone over, Jackson?"

Jackson: [Remembers] "Oh, right. I wanted to introduce you guys to some friends of mine." [Opens the front door]

Luan: "Friends?" [Approaches Jackson and sees three other boys around Jackson's age]

???: [Notices Luan] "Oh, hello." [Luan waves timidly]

??? 2: "What's your name?"

Luan: "I-I'm Luan."

??? 3: "Oh. So, you're that jokester that Jackson was talking about." [Luan blushes at that statement]

Jackson: "Luan, these are three of my friends outside the Loud House. Caleb Kendrick, John Slater, and Corey Martel." [To the three boys] "Wanna come in?" [The three nod and come in for the party]

[The End.]

Chapter Text

Caleb Kendrick is the second original Loud House character that I made. He is the only non-American character that I made, as I intended for him to be a New Zealander.

Description: Blackish-brown hair; light skin; white t-shirt; black jacket; blue jeans; black and white sneakers; gray flat cap; same height as Lori; around the same age as Lori or Leni; New Zealander accent.

Personality: Like Jackson, Caleb is more or less a mixture of some of the Loud kids. Like Lincoln, he's a good-hearted, nerdy, and well-meaning person, who is always looking for fun, and thinking about the well-being of others. Like Lori, he's also moody yet just as responsible, though his moody behavior is much worse compared to others; because of this, he gets more annoyed with Luan's unnecessary humor. Like Luna, he's into music. Like Lucy, he's into anything taboo, though it's not as much as Lucy.

Caleb was born in New Zealand, but he and his family moved to the US due to "family problems". Unlike Jackson, he has a healthy relationship with his parents, but he has trouble with other relatives in his family, namely his "big, bad" cousin, Carson Kendrick. By the time he reached high school, he, Jackson, and two other students dropped out after freshman year, but they turned it around when they took online courses. During this time, Jackson met Leni, and the two started dating; however, despite supporting Jackson and Leni dating, he and the others hardly ever talked to her, even after Jackson decided to move into the Loud House. It became more difficult sometime after Jackson moved in when he and Leni broke up without warning and for reasons unknown, though he turned this around by becoming an internet personality. He and the others also learned about Jackson's bonding with Luna due to their shared love for music, which is also something they shared. Because of Jackson's time on the internet, he is able to learn about some of the crimes that occur at night. In response, whenever nighttime arrives, he takes to the streets to apprehend every criminal he comes across like a vigilante; occasionally, he would work in the daytime if the situation dictated. Only a selection of Royal Woods' residents knows about this secret, including Caleb, who wishes to join alongside Jackson. It wasn't until Rita Loud's birthday that he and his two other friends finally met the Loud Family; because of this, he's able to bond with Lucy due to their shared love for dark stuff and is always supportive when it comes to her interacting with Rocky Spokes.

Chapter Text

John Slater is the third original Loud House character that I made. He is the only character to not be born in Royal Woods; instead, he was born in Great Lakes City.

Description: Light brown hair; light skin; mint green t-shirt; black jacket; dark gray jeans; black sneakers; same height as Lori; around the same age as Lori or Leni.

Personality: Like Jackson, John is more or less a mixture of some of the Loud kids. Like Lincoln, he's a good-hearted, nerdy, and well-meaning person, who is always looking for fun, and thinking about the well-being of others. Like Luna, he's into music. Like Luan, he's into humor, but as much as Luan; because of this, he knows when it's a bad time for humor.

John was born in Great Lakes City, but he and his family moved to Royal Woods as his father, who works as a therapist, wanted to set up shop there. Unlike Jackson and Caleb, he has a healthy relationship with his family as a whole. By the time he reached high school, he, Jackson, Caleb, and one other student dropped out after freshman year, but they turned it around when they took online courses. During this time, Jackson met Leni, and the two started dating; however, despite supporting Jackson and Leni dating, he and the others hardly ever talked to her, even after Jackson decided to move into the Loud House. It became more difficult sometime after Jackson moved in when he and Leni broke up without warning and for reasons unknown, though he turned this around by becoming an internet personality. He and the others also learned about Jackson's bonding with Luna due to their shared love for music, which is also something they shared. Because of Jackson's time on the internet, he is able to learn about some of the crimes that occur at night. In response, whenever nighttime arrives, he takes to the streets to apprehend every criminal he comes across like a vigilante; occasionally, he would work in the daytime if the situation dictated. Only a selection of Royal Woods' residents knows about this secret, including John, who wishes to join alongside Jackson. It wasn't until Rita Loud's birthday that he and his two other friends finally met the Loud Family; because of this, he's able to bond with Luan due to their shared love for humor (though, unlike Luan, he knows when to not use humor in certain situations) and is always supportive when it comes to her interacting with Benny Stein. Aside from Luan, he also has a bond with the twins, Lana and Lola, since all three of them love to play "The Floor Is Lava".

Chapter Text

Corey Martel is the fourth original Loud House character that I made. 

Description: Reddish-brown hair; light skin; red t-shirt; black jacket; blue jeans; white sneakers; black fedora with a white ribbon; same height as Lori; around the same age as Lori or Leni.

Personality: Like Jackson, Corey is more or less a mixture of some of the Loud kids. Like Lincoln, he's a good-hearted, nerdy, and well-meaning person, who is always looking for fun, and thinking about the well-being of others. Like Luna, he's into music. Like Lisa, he's clever at times. His only downside is that he's soft-spoken and hardly talks to anyone.

Corey was born in Royal Woods after his father, a US Army Master Sergeant, came back from military service. Unlike Jackson and Caleb, he has a healthy relationship with his family as a whole, namely his uncle, Roderick Martel, a detective of the Royal Woods Police Department. By the time he reached high school, he, Jackson, Caleb, and John had dropped out after freshman year, but they turned it around when they took online courses. During this time, Jackson met Leni, and the two started dating; however, despite supporting Jackson and Leni dating, he and the others hardly ever talked to her, even after Jackson decided to move into the Loud House. It became more difficult sometime after Jackson moved in when he and Leni broke up without warning and for reasons unknown, though he turned this around by becoming an internet personality. He and the others also learned about Jackson's bonding with Luna due to their shared love for music, which is also something they shared. Because of Jackson's time on the internet, he is able to learn about some of the crimes that occur at night. In response, whenever nighttime arrives, he takes to the streets to apprehend every criminal he comes across like a vigilante; occasionally, he would work in the daytime if the situation dictated. Only a selection of Royal Woods' residents knows about this secret, including Corey, who wishes to join alongside Jackson. It wasn't until Rita Loud's birthday that he and his two other friends finally met the Loud Family; because of this, he's able to bond with Lisa; her robot companion, Todd; and her best friend, Darcy Helmandollar. Aside from Lisa and Darcy, he also has a bond with the twins, Lana and Lola, and Lily, who always cheer him up when he's feeling down.

Chapter Text

[The episode begins in the daytime. The Loud House is covered in Halloween decorations, and the entrance of a corn maze sits next to it. Offscreen, a fridge door opens, and a scream is heard, as bats fly out of the house and towards the screen, darkening the picture. Zoom out to a close-up of Lynn Senior screaming in horror after seeing a fake severed head with fake blood in the fridge. Just then, Jackson comes in, recording a vlog video.]

Jackson: "Why are you screaming?" [Notices the head] "Oh, that's why."

Lynn Sr: "I hate Halloween, Jackson!"

[He exits the kitchen. A moment later, Lucy enters, walking towards the fridge and picking up the head.]

Lucy: [Smiles] "I don't know about Dad, but I love Halloween."

Head: "Bleh".

[She and Jackson exit.]

[The dining room. In counterclockwise order, Luan is seen fashioning a sign reading "HAUNTED CORN MAZE" in red-stained corn cobs; Leni is hanging black curtains; John, Luna, Lincoln, Lana, Lola, and Lynn Junior are carving pumpkins; Lisa, Caleb, and Corey are making fake blood in a bucket; Lily is playing with pumpkin innards; and Charles is resting against a corn cob. The camera pans left as Lucy and Jackson enter.]

Lucy: "Excellent fake blood, Lisa. Add some molasses for better consistency."

Lisa: "Understood."

Caleb: [Checks a molasses bottle] "Hm. This bottle's running low soon."

Lucy: "There should be a new one in the cabinet."

Corey: "I'll get it." [Heads to the kitchen to do so]

Lynn: "Hey, Luce! Check out our pumpkins! Whaddya think?"

[Each of them turns their jack-o-lanterns around, showing each gruesome carved face.]

Lucy: [Examines each pumpkin] "Hmm." [Points to a spot on Lynn's pumpkin] "More blood here, Lynn."

Lynn: "Okay." [Grabs some red paint] "I'll have to use this until the fake blood is ready."

Lucy: [Motions around Lola's pumpkin] "Few more gashes on this one."

Lola: "Okay." [Grabs her carving knife and gets to work]

Lucy: [Flicks out a tooth on Lana's pumpkin] "Knock out a tooth. If you're going for a zombie-styled look, then you shouldn't have that much."

Lana: "Did I really have that much?" [Lucy nods as she checks the pumpkin's face.]

Lincoln: "Well, I went for something more akin to Fallout. I used a rotten pumpkin for good measure."

Lucy: [Points to the scabs on Lincoln's pumpkin] "If you're going for something more science fiction than a standard zombie, add some more ooze to those scabs."

Lincoln: "Green paint, please." [Lana passes a brush and a bucket of light green paint]

Lucy: [Pats Luna's pumpkin] "Dampen the head wounds."

Luna: "Okay." [Grabs some red paint as John shows his pumpkin]

John: "Uh... I was going for a 'stitched eyes and mouth' look, but... I seem to be missing a component."

Lucy: [Examines it] "Hmm. Add some blood on the mouth and eyes, and I think we got something."

Luna: "Halloween's kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you!"

Leni: "Totes! I'm so glad Mom finally let you do your haunted corn maze!"

Lucy: "As am I. I've been waiting my whole life to do this. Not to mention my past lives." [She walks offscreen to Luan, who has just finished her sign.] "Fantastic sign work, Luan. Just the right mixture of corn and gore."

Luan: "Ah, shucks! It's just something I cob-bled up together from a kernel of an idea!" [Dances a little, laughing] "Oh, yes! A triple! Eat your hearts, Major League Baseball!"

[Lucy and the others groan as a jack-o-lantern is thrown onto Luan's head.]

Luan: [Through pumpkin] "I expect more support from my pump-kin!" [Laughs as the jack-o-lantern's grin grew wider.] "Get it?" [The pumpkin suddenly falls apart] "Oh. Oops."

Boys: "You're cleaning that."

Luan: "You clean it!"

Caleb: "You dropped it!"

Corey: [In the kitchen] "Guys! Please! I'm trying to grab the molasses bottle!"

Lucy: [Facepalms] "Sigh." [Turns to the others, as Lincoln joins up with Jackson.] "Thanks for all your hard work, guys. This is gonna be the best Halloween ever. I'm so excited."

[Her face shows a little change in the emotion.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Trust me." [Points to Lucy] "She's excited."

[Static is heard]

Corey: [Enters] "Is that yours, Caleb?"

Caleb: [Checks his radio] "No, mine's off."

John: "My battery's dead."

Corey: "Same with mine."

Jackson: "I left mine upstairs."

Lincoln: "It's mine, guys."

Clyde: [Through the radio] "Jack-O-Lincoln! Do you copy?"

[The static goes off again as Lincoln fishes out his walkie-talkie, turning away from Lucy.]

Lincoln: [To the recording] "Speaking of the best Halloween ever, Clyde, Jax, and I have some pretty big plans too. Originally, it was meant to be the three of us, but with the introduction of Caleb, John, and Corey, I just had to introduce them to Clyde." [To Clyde] "I copy, McBride of Frankenstein. Meet you at the rendezvous point in 15. Over."

[A thump is heard offscreen]

Lynn Sr: [Offscreen] "AAAAAH! THERE'S MORE OF THE BODY! I hate Halloween!"

Lucy: "Oh." [Everyone looks at her] "Dad must have found the severed limbs I stored in his closet." [Jackson facepalms]

Chapter Text

[The living room. Lily is crying uncontrollably, and Lisa is wearing a hazmat suit and checking Lily's diaper to see if it's dirty.]

Lisa: "Negative, it's clean."

[Rita and Lynn Senior open the door.]

Rita: "Hey, guys, how's it going?"

Lynn: "Terrible. Lily's been crying for an hour, and we can't figure out why."

Lincoln: "Yeah, we've tried everything to get her to stop." [Pulls up the paperclip board of what could be wrong with her.] "She's not hungry, gassy, or sleepy! She has her blankie and her giraffe!"

Rita: [Picks Lily up, which somehow calms her down] "Well, sometimes, babies just cry randomly without reason." [To Lily] "Oh, it's okay, sweetie."

Lynn Sr: "You guys did plenty of crying when you were babies, trust me." [Realizes] "Except Lucy. After she turned 3 years old, she just... stared at us. She was fine with Lincoln, but when it came to everyone else, she didn't make a noise in front of them."

Rita: [Terrified] "Yeah. That's why we grew her bangs out."

Lucy: "I can still see you."

[The parents quiver with fear.]

Rita: "Anyway, try to have a little patience with Lily, kids. She'll stop crying when she's ready."

Leni: "I guess you're right. We'll just learn to live with it."

Lola: [Scoffs] "Speak for yourself."

Lisa: "Yes, her caterwauling is unbearable."

Jackson: "Well, I called Corey about this, and he gave me a similar theory. He thinks it's a serotonin blockage."

Lana: "Sero... What?"

Lisa: "Serotonin. A neurotransmitting chemical that plays a crucial role in regulating mood, sleep, appetite, and other bodily functions. It is often referred to as a 'happy chemical' due to its influence on mood and well-being. Low serotonin levels in the brain are linked to depression. If there really is a blockage, then it would explain why Lily is having trouble maintaining her composure."

Luna: "Well, how do we fix that?"

Jackson: "Actually, it's hard to say. Even Corey is having trouble figuring out how."

Luan: "I guess the best thing we could do is find something that'll make Lily so happy that it'll clear up the blockage."

Lincoln: "You're right. We need a plan."

Lori: [Inspired] "I've got it!" [Walks a few steps up]

Lincoln: "Leaving is not a plan!"

Lori: "I'm just grabbing something."

Lana: "It better not involve duct tape."

Lori: [Holds up a photo of herself as a baby with a toy.] "No, it won't. I'm thinking that we should use Fenton The Feel-Better Fox. My favorite toy when I was a baby. He always cheered me up."

[In the attic, while Lily is struggling to maintain her composure, and Jackson and Lisa are examining her, the others are looking for the toy. Lori eventually finds Fenton and pulls him out.]

Lori: "Aha! I found him!" [Gives him to Lily] "Look, Lily. This is Fenton, my childhood friend." [Turns him on]

Fenton: [Moving and singing] "♫Cheer up, baby! Don't you cry! / No more tears! It's cheer-up time! / Laugh with me, and we will be, / Happy, happy, happy!♫"

[As Fenton sings, Lily slowly stops crying and watches the toy dance. She blinks.]

Lily: "Fa-Fa." [Cuddles with it]

Lincoln: "Yes! It worked!"

[Lily giggles and plays it again, and this time, she dances along.]

Fenton: "♫Cheer up, baby! Don't you cry! / No more tears! It's cheer-up time! / Laugh with me, and we will be, / Happy, happy, happy!♫"

[The parents appear in the attic.]

Lynn Sr: "Any ideas yet, Jackson?" [Gasps with horror] "Fenton?!" [To Rita] "I thought you got rid of him!"

Rita: "I thought you did!"

Lynn: "What's the big whoop? We got Lily to stop crying. You're welcome."

Rita: "You don't understand! When Lori was a baby, Fenton drove us so crazy, we almost didn't have any more children!"

Jackson: "Huh?"

Lisa: "Well, you certainly went the other way with that."

Lynn Sr: [Gets earmuffs] "Come on, honey. We'd better go soundproof our room."

Luna: "Dudes, overreact much? It's just a cute little toy."

Rita: [Laughs sarcastically] "It's cute now, but you'll see!" [Losing it] "YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

[The parents don the earmuffs and run off, leaving the kids confused.]

Jackson: "Lori, did you, uh... overuse Fenton in the past?"

Lori: "I... guess. It was 17 years ago. So, I don't remember much."

Lola: "Pfft. They're probably just jealous that we're the ones who got Lily to stop crying."

Lily: [Embraces Fenton] "Fa-Fa."

[An ominous sting plays as the camera zooms in on Fenton, implying that Rita and Lynn Senior weren't lying. Jackson gulps at the sight of Fention.]

Jackson: "I'm gonna head over to Clyde's if you need me." [Leaves] "That toy is suddenly bothering me too."

[Eventually...]

Fenton: "♫Cheer up, baby! Don't you cry! / No more tears! It's cheer-up time! / Laugh with me, and we will be, / Happy, happy, happy!♫"

[Fenton's jingle starts looping. As the song plays, Lincoln looks up his comic upon hearing the jingle.]

Lincoln: "How long is Lily gonna loop that?"

[Meanwhile, Luna can't jam without the song overlapping; Lucy closes her coffin to block out the noise; Luan and Mister Coconuts stare at each other, unimpressed; Leni brushes her hair while her eyes bob in tune with the song; Lola pours too much tea into a teacup due to being stressed out.]

Lola: [Groans] "Why am I suddenly stressed?"

[Lana gets blasted by the bathroom sink while fixing it. In the living room, Becky and Whitney can hear Fenton's singing.]

Whitney: "What's with that tune?"

Lori: "It's my childhood toy. My baby sister couldn't stop crying. So, I gave it to her to keep her happy."

Becky: "Well, you might want to come up with something else for her. Your toy's tune is going to annoy people in the long run." [She and Whitney decide to bail out on Lori.] "We'll wait until you do come up with something."

Lori: [Gets up and follows them] "Wait, you guys! No! What else can I do to help Lily?!"

Whitney: "Figure it out."

Lori: "'Figure it out'?! How do you-"

[She's too late, as her friends have left already, and she sighs in defeat. As the song continues to play, more things begin to happen to the siblings. Lisa is blasted out of her room after squirting too much chemicals into a beaker due to being distracted; Lana, sitting in the shower, places a garbage can over her head in hopes of blocking out the noise; Lynn, while tossing a baseball against the wall, gets hit on the head due to looking away; Lincoln knocks down a house of cards he was making due to the song stressing him out, causing him to growl in frustration; and Lola has her head covered with all of her stuffed dolls, while her eyes twitch.]

[THREE DAYS LATER]

[The kitchen. The song is still playing, and the Loud kids appear to be really tired, while their parents read the newspaper. Enter Jackson.]

Lana: "Oh, good. You're back... after three days."

Lola: [Cranky] "Three nights of torture! Three nights without you around! I cannot lose any more beauty sleep!"

Leni: [Groggily, holding up a lock of blond hair] "I was so tired last night, I fell asleep in the middle of cutting Lori's hair."

Jackson: "Why were you cutting Lori's hair?"

Leni: "She and I figured it would help us think about what else we can do to prevent Lily's uncontrollable crying."

Lori: [Feeling for any cut spots while looking at a handheld mirror] "I felt the snip, but I don't know where it is."

Jackson: [Spots it and grabs the mirror] "That's because it's on the very back of your head." [Tilt the mirror to the side]

Lori: [Shocked] "WHAT?!" [Grabs a frying pan and holds it behind her head] "ARE YOU SURE?!" [Looks at her reflection on both objects and discovers a huge bald spot on the back of her head, making her run away, screaming; her panic makes the frying pan land on Jackson's foot.]

Jackson: "Ow!" [Clutches his foot]

Lincoln: "Mom, Dad, you were right. We admit it. Fenton is destroying our lives." [Gets no response] "Mom? Dad?"

[Their parents are still wearing the earmuffs.]

Luna: "They're still blocking the noise."

Lynn Sr: [Unaware of what Lincoln said; Shouting] "OH! WHEN DID YOU KIDS WAKE UP?"

Luan: [Moves her dad's earmuffs] "A few minutes ago." [Puts them back on]

Lynn Sr: "Okay, just checking."

[They go back to their newspapers and leave.]

Lola: "You guys, I hate to say it, but we have no choice. THE FOX MUST GO! Actually, I didn't hate saying that." [Jackson facepalms]

Jackson: "I should've stayed at Clyde's."

Lynn: "Oh, no-no-no-no-no! You're staying here to help us."

[Lori and Leni's room. The sisters and the boys are having a sibling meeting.]

Lincoln: "Okay, people. We are ready to commence 'Operation Freedom From Fenton The Feel-Better Fox'. Here's a run-down of Lily's daily schedule." [Shows some slides of Lily's activities, now including Fenton.] "Coloring, feeding, bathing, napping, chewing on books. As you can see, she always has Fenton with her. But there is one exception: Diaper Change Time. During this approximately 47-second window, Lily will be separated from Fenton. That's when we strike." [The sisters cheer] "It's a tough mission, and some of you might not come back, but rest assured that your sacrifice will-" [The boys notice that the girls have left]

Jackson: "Th-They ditched us!"

Lincoln: "Hey! I did not say 'fall out'!"

[In Lisa and Lily's room, Lily is still playing with Fenton when Luan picks her up.]

Luan: "Okay, Lily, you know what time it is!"

[She puts Lily on the changing station while Leni and Luna distract her with food and dancing. Luna also starts humming Fenton's jingle as Luan gives the signal to Lisa on her portable camera.]

Lisa: "Okay, Lynn! Go!"

[Lynn skates in quietly and grabs Fenton. She then tosses it to Lincoln, who puts it in a baby stroller that Lucy pushes to the window, dumping Fenton out the window to the twins, who pass it to Lori, who takes Fenton away in Vanzilla, all while the toy keeps singing, before finally stopping.]

Lori: "You used to cheer me up when I was a baby, but now, the memories have come flooding back. I now know why my parents are so superstitious of you." [Kisses him] "Goodbye, Fenton. May your last performance be a memorable one for me and me alone."

[She plays Fenton's tune one last time as she drives up to a dumpster and throws him in. She then waves at him and drives away. Lily's changing is over, and she notices that Fenton is missing.]

Lily: "Fa-Fa?"

Lincoln: "Now, for Phase Two: Operation Keep Lily From Crying Until We Figure Out What's Wrong With Her. Go, go, go!"

[Luan makes a balloon animal for Lily, Lola has a tea party with her, Lana drives her around in the princess car, Lynn plays with a ball with her, Luna drums with her, and Leni blows bubbles with her, but nothing cheers her up as she yawns in boredom.]

Lincoln: "Okay, here's the moment of truth. If Lily can go to sleep without you-know-who, we've done it."

[Lori nods, picks up Lily, and puts her in her crib. Eventually, Lily falls asleep with a smile, and Lori quietly closes the door.]

Lincoln: "Well, team, I'm proud of you all. It was touch-and-go there for a while, but you believed in yourselves, and more importantly, you believed in each other." [The boys notice that the girls have left again.] "Dang it."

Jackson: "Stop ditching us!"

[The next morning]

Lola: [Checks herself] "I finally got some beauty sleep. Oh, yeah! I am back!"

Leni: "I slept so well, I got up early and made Lori these extensions." [Holds up said extensions] "Now, I just need a stapler."

Lori: [Nervously grabs them] "I'll take it from here." [Grins]

[Jackson walks by.]

Jackson: "I'm gonna polish Vanzilla if you need me." [Leaves]

Lincoln: "Okay."

[Luna comes in with Lily.]

Siblings (Minus Luna): [Variously] "Good morning, Lily!"

[Luna puts Lily in her highchair, and the baby looks miserable.]

Leni: "What's wrong, sweetie? You look a little grumpy this morning."

Luna: "She's probably just hungry, dude."

Leni: [Gets Lily's baby food and tries to feed her.] "Open the airplane bay. Here comes the sensitive cargo for the tunnel. It's a flock of nocturnal bats." [Playfully growls]

[Lily quietly takes a bite, and Leni goes for another.]

Leni: "Now, let's try the train. Chugga-Chugga-"

[Lily pushes the spoonful aside and faceplants on the tray of her highchair.]

Lincoln: "Oh. Well, she must not be hungry. Maybe she wants to play." [They try playing with building blocks.] "Lily, wanna help me build a castle?"

[Lily tries to help, but she accidentally knocks over the castle, making them both groan.]

Luan: [Making a balloon animal] "How about I make you a dinosaur?"

[Lily tries to grab it, but she accidentally knocks the balloon away. It pops on the pet cactus, and the eyes float over Lucy's bangs before popping.]

Jackson: [Amused] "Heh."

Lucy: "Don't start."

Lana: [With a cushion] "I know, Lily. Let's build a fort." [While the others build a fort, Lily crawls away. The fort is finished.] "Okay, Lily, come on in. But no pooping." [Beat] "Lily? Lily?"

[The others pop out and see Lily looking at the photo of baby Lori with Fenton]

Lily: "Lo-Lo. Fa-Fa." [Tears up]

Leni: "OMGosh, you guys, that's why she's been so sad this morning. She misses Fenton."

Lincoln: "We didn't make her forget about Fenton. We just kept her from crying." [The sisters guiltily grunt.] "Guys, I know we've been loving the peace and quiet ever since yesterday, but it's not worth it if our baby sister is sad."

Lola: "I hate to say it, but we have to get that fox back. I really did hate saying that." [She then suddenly remembers, and a flashback shows what Jackson said days ago.]

Jackson: "Well, I called Corey about this, and he gave me a similar theory. He thinks it's a serotonin blockage." [End flashback]

Lola: "Then again, there is that 'serotonin blockage' that Jax and Corey were talking about."

Leni: [Thinks of something] "What if Lily is aware of that?" [The other siblings are confused.] "Think about it. Lily is probably aware of her serotonin problem. Maybe that's why she kept repeating Fenton's tune over and over. She was working on that 'blockage'."

Siblings: [Understanding] "Oh!"

Lori: "I get it. She wasn't finished with unclogging that blockage, and our plan only ended up stopping her work."

Lola: "Does this mean we've been losing our minds over nothing?"

Lincoln: "Only one way to find out." [Grabs Lisa's radio] "Jax, if you're done polishing Vanzilla, start her up."

Jackson: [Over the radio] "Why?"

[The kids later arrive at the dumpster that Lori threw Fenton in.]

Lana: [having searched] "Sorry, guys. No Fenton. This thing is empty. But I did find a girlfriend for Bitey." [Holds up a vicious feral rat.]

Luan: "Shoot. The garbage truck must have already come."

Lincoln: "To the dump!"

[They drive to the dump and arrive.]

Lori: "This place is literally huge. How are we ever going to find a little toy in all this trash?"

[Suddenly, Fenton's song starts playing.]

Lincoln: "That's how! Follow that annoying song!"

[They find Fenton's voice and see him about to be compacted.]

Jackson: "Uh-oh."

Lori: "FENTON!!"

Loud Kids: "NO!!!"

[Unfortunately, they're too late, as the crane dumps Fenton through the compactor. His song goes bonkers as he winds down and breaks.]

Lori: [Heartbroken] "F... Fenton?" [She tries to reach out as the compacted toy suddenly sparks]

Jackson: "Oh, jeez. It's gonna catch on fire!" [Grabs Lori and pulls her away as the compacted toy spontaneously combusts and disintegrates.]

Loud Kids (Minus Lori): "Dang it."

Jackson: "We're too late."

[The kids are driving home, remorseful for what happened.]

Lynn: "We're officially the worst siblings ever."

Leni: "Poor Lily. She'll probably grow up super gloomy, dress in black, and listen to sad music all the time."

Lucy: [Liking the sound of that] "We can only hope." [Jackson conks her head] "Ow."

[Luna suddenly starts humming Fenton's song.]

Lola: "Ugh! Stop singing that!"

Luna: "Sorry, dude. It's stuck in my head. Say what you want about that fox, but his tune has a wicked hook."

Lori: "It's kinda stuck in my head too. I mean, it was my childhood toy."

Lucy: "Mine too."

Lisa: "It's also rebounding in my cerebellum."

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] "Wait. You guys! Maybe there is a way to give Fenton back to Lily and fix her serotonin problem." [To Jackson] "Jax, drop us off and go grab Corey."

[Back home, the kids bring Lily to a familiar face, which is Lincoln dressed as Fenton.]

Lily: [Surprised] "Lincoln?! Fa-Fa?!"

[She crawls to him and presses his foot. Luna sees it and secretly sings Fenton's song while playing her guitar. Lincoln dances like Fenton as she sings.]

Luna: "♫Cheer up, baby! Don't you cry! / No more tears! It's cheer-up time! / Laugh with me, and we will be, / Happy, happy, happy!♫"

Lily: [Ecstatic] "Fa-Fa!" [Hugs Lincoln and presses his foot again] "Fa-Fa Lincoln! Fa-Fa Lincoln! Fa-Fa Lincoln!"

Lincoln: [To his sisters] "Well, we might be doing this for the rest of our lives, or until her serotonin problem is fixed, but at least, Lily's happy again."

Lily: [Clapping] "Fa-Fa Lincoln! Fa-Fa Lincoln! Fa-Fa Lincoln!"

Lily's Siblings: "♫Cheer up, baby! Don't you cry! / No more tears! It's cheer-up time! / Laugh with me, and we will be, / Happy, happy, happy!♫"

[As the siblings keep singing Fenton's jingle, Lily notices them and happily dances along. Rita and Lynn Senior come back to the house and shudder as soon as they hear the song. They shakily open the door, see all of their kids under Fenton's spell, don their earmuffs, and bolt out of the house screaming in terror. Jackson and Corey arrive to see them run by.]

Corey: "Uh... Do I even wanna know why they're panicking?"

Jackson: "Just check on Lily's serotonin."

Chapter Text

[The kids are using their phones and tablets when their dad comes in.]

Lynn Sr: "Hey, guys! Papa Loud in the house!" [The kids do not respond.] "So, how was everyone's day?"

Kids: "Fine."

Lynn Sr: "Lori, did you ace that Latin exam?"

Lori: [Bored] "I'm just glad that I did. My teacher was being so picky."

Lynn Sr: "Oh. I feel ya." [Pats her head and turns to Luna] "Hey, Lunes, wanna jam later? Just got the old cowbell tuned."

Luna: "Uh... Give me a moment, Pops. I'm trying to find a good song for us to play."

[Enter Rita on her phone]

Rita: [Sighs] "This is unbelievable!"

Lynn Sr: [Sternly] "Thank you, honey. I couldn't agree-" [Notices] "Oh, wait. You found something for the house."

Rita: "Of course, I did. '10 Unexpected Ways To Re-Tile A Backsplash'? Cuh-lick!" [Clicks on the link.]

[Lynn Senior facepalms and slams the door; the rest of the kids respond this time.]

Leni: "Oh. Hi, Dad. Welcome home. Why the grumpy face?"

Lynn Sr: "Because I've lost my family to those ding-dang electronic devices! We used to do stuff together. Now, I can't even get you to look up when I come in the door. Can't you put those things down once in a while?"

Lori: "But, Dad, we need them. Our lives literally depend on them."

Lynn Sr: "You don't see our housemate depending on them."

[Just then, Jackson comes down the stairs, recording a video.]

Jackson: [To the recording] "What is up, internet? Jackson Delaney, coming at ya. In just a few moments, I'm gonna be off to the mall for a comic book run, and this time, I'm certain that I'm gonna-"

Lynn Sr: "Ahem." [Jackson notices his glare]

Jackson: [Awkwardly] "Uh..." [To the recording] "We're expecting technical difficulties. Be right back." [Pauses the recording and turns back to Lynn Senior] "Uh, hi, LS. What seems to be the problem?"

Lynn Sr: "I'll tell you what the problem is, Jax: Kids today are being too reliant on today's technology. And you just proved my point."

Jackson: "Well, on a bright note, I'm at least using something that isn't so..." [Glares at the others] "...addictive." [The Loud kids smile sheepishly]

Lynn Sr: "I'm still resting my case." [Takes Luan's phone] "Baloney sandwich! They're just little hunks of metal and plastic!" [Tosses it back to Luan, who tries to catch it and falls over.] "And if you don't start spending less time on them, I'm gonna have to cut the internet."

[The kids gasp, Lynn Junior falls over, and their dad goes into his room. Luan gets back up, shaking and whimpering, and Jackson pats her head.]

Luna: "Whoa! Pops is talking crazy! Doesn't he get how croosh these babies are to our lives? He might as well cut off our oxygen supply!"

Lori: "Maybe that's the answer!"

Lucy: "Whoa. That's grim, even for me."

Lori: "No, I mean, the only reason Dad is against our devices is because he doesn't get them. He's technologically illiterate. But what if we could show Dad how much better it could make his life? Then, he'd never do something as ridiculous as..." [Gasps] "...taking away our internet."

Rita: [Offscreen] "I love it!"

Lori: "Thank you. I appreciate your support."

Rita: [Actually referring to something on her phone.] "A new super bright flashlight app? #Download!" [Downloads the app and notices her kids.] "Oh, hey, kids. Where's your dad?" [Jackson facepalms]

[In the kitchen, Lori is feeding Lily while texting, and Lynn Sr. is bringing in some groceries.]

Lynn Sr: "Okay." [Looks at the list] "Gotta tell Lucy her funeral dress is back from the cleaners, gotta let Luna know I can drive her to rehearsal tonight, I need to remind Lola that she can't watch TV till she's finished her homework. All of it." [Sets groceries down and sees Lori.] "Oh. Hi, Lori."

Lori: [Texting] "One sec, Dad."

Lynn Sr: [Exasperated] "Oh, sweetie, we just talked about this. Can you please put that thing away?"

Lori: [Reading the responses she got] "Okay, Lucy says 'Thanks, just in time for the service', Luna says 'Rockin', and Lola sent this." [Shows her and Lola's text conversation]

Lori's Text: Dad says do ur HW. Literally.

Lola's Text: 🔥🔥🔥

Lynn Sr: [Dumbfounded] "You just took care of my whole to-do list? How did you manage that?"

Lori: [Picks Lily up] "It's called texting. You can literally have a million conversations at once. Could be pretty handy for a guy with 11 kids and a housemate."

Lynn Sr: "Uh, hold on. If, uh... I were going to do a text, how-how would I go about that?"

[Lori gives Lily to her siblings and winks at them, and they give her a thumbs-up in return. She then pushes him into a chair]

Lori: "It's so easy. All you do is type. Where's your phone?"

[Lynn Senior gets his phone out.]

Lynn Sr: "Just so you know, I only use this in case of emergency calls."

Lori: "Well, there are other ways to communicate. Try texting me."

Lynn Sr: [Confused] "Uh... where?"

Lori: "Here." [Presses the icon with a speech bubble, indicating texting, and opens it up as her father starts texting.] "Let's start simple: Just say 'Hi'."

Lynn Sr: [Makes a mistake] "Ooh! Delete! I'm gonna try something else."

[Sometime later, Lynn Senior is still texting, and Lori is now asleep. Lori's phone chimes; she wakes up and answers it.]

Lori: [Reading the text] "'Dear Lori, I hope this message finds you well'." [Scrolls through the rest] "Sorry, Dad, but 'TL; DR'." [Sends the message] "That means 'Too long; didn't read'. And it's the kind of abbrev that makes texting so much fun."

Lynn Sr: "Ooh, let me try." [Tries texting an abbreviation and gives a thumb up] "SGCWTLM. That stands for 'Sounds good. Can't wait to learn more'."

Lori: "Uh... Sure, we'll work on it."

[Later, Lynn Senior is rushing to the bathroom.]

Lynn Sr: "Oh, why couldn't I resist all those Flippee samples? Dang it, Flip." [Sees his kids waiting for their turns.]

Luna: "Back of the line, Pops. Occupied."

Lynn Sr: "Dah!" [Gets in line]

Lincoln: [On his tablet] "Hey, Dad, want something to keep your mind off the wait?"

Lynn Sr.: "Aw, no thanks. This is what I've been trying to tell you kids. I can just keep myself distracted with the old bean."

Lincoln: "Okay, but Leni's in there trying a new hair color. Could be a while."

Lisa: "Then again, our housemate is in there with her. So, he might speed things up."

Leni: [Screams in horror] "Totes not a redhead!"

Jackson: "Okay! Okay! Let's start over."

Leni: "Starting over."

Lisa: "Or not."

Lynn Sr: [Annoyed] "Oh, fine. Whaddya got?"

Lincoln: [Showing his dad a game] "Raging River Racers. You have to paddle down a rushing river trying to escape a giant gushing wave."

Lynn Sr: [Desperately banging his fist on the floor while Lana takes the device.] "Gah, not helping."

Lola: [Walking with Lana and pushing Lincoln out of the way.] "Step aside, Lincoln. We have a game Daddy will actually like."

Lana: [Shows the game] "Presenting Jolly Hollow."

Lola: "You build a pretty brick house and show it off to your friends."

Lynn Sr: [Takes the device] "Ooh, I think I'll build one that has more than one bathroom. A proper house for the fam."

[The kids smile, and Leni pops out smiling as well, though Jackson just watches on, unamused. Later...]

Lincoln: [Comes out of the bathroom] "Your turn, Dad."

Lynn Sr: [Too busy with the game] "Lisa can go. I'm busy upgrading my wallpaper. All of a sudden, I don't need the bathroom anymore. I guess focusing on this made the urge go away."

[Lisa goes in, the other kids smile, and the twins take a bow.]

[Leni comes down the stairs and meets Lynn Senior, who is on the couch looking over a photo album.]

Lynn Sr: "Hey, kiddo. I need your opinion on something." [Shows her two photos; one of him eating a burger, and one of him making an awkward face.] "Which of these pictures should I submit for my high school reunion?"

Leni: "Uh... I don't know about either. Are there any others?"

Lynn Sr: [Checks the album] "Not... really. I hardly have anything decent."

Leni: "So, what's Plan B?"

Lynn Sr: "I don't have a Plan B. These are the best I could find."

Leni: "Don't worry. I totes got this." [Takes a picture of him and does something with it.] "Perf!"

Lynn Sr.: "Whoa! What magic is that?"

Leni: "The magic of picture filters." [Shows the picture of him now filtered as a hunky football player] "This one's called 'Glory Days'."

Lynn Sr: [Amazed] "I look good! Can I borrow your phone so I can show this to Kotaro?"

Leni: "Or you can post it on 'SwiftyPic'. It's an app that lets you share pictures with your friends and family."

Lynn Sr: [Excited] "Shut up!"

Leni: [Giggles] "I know, right?"

[They both giggle with glee.]

[Lynn Sr. and Kotaro are jamming music in the garage; Luna and Luan pop their heads in.]

Kotaro: [Displays goat horns] "We are gonna rock our first show, Lynn! Now, we just need to get the word out. Remember, my cousin said we gotta have 100 people, or we can't book his basement."

Lynn Sr: "Way ahead of you, Kotaro." [Pulls out a wagon of flyers] "I posted 500 of these babies to post around town. Hope your afternoon's free."

[Kotaro grins nervously]

Luna: "Hey, Pops, I know you got a big gig coming up. So, I thought I'd help you get the word out."

Lynn Sr: [Gives Luna some of the flyers.] "Oh, great. You can start putting these up on Oak Street."

Luna: "Uh, no, dude. I made you a band page!" [Luan shows him the page.] "It's like putting up a flyer that everyone with a computer can see!"

Lynn Sr: [Excited] "Shut up!"

Luna: "Right?"

Lynn Sr: [Typing] "We're gonna get hundreds of people to see our show."

Luan: "How about thousands?"

Kotaro: "Well, parking's kinda limited at my cousin's."

Luan: "No. I mean, you can stream the show live for fans around the world."

Lynn Sr: "Whoa. You think you could show us how to stream our concert like that?"

Luna: "Even better. Since Jackson does streaming when he's not doing his vigilante runs, we can have him help set things up."

Lynn Sr: "Deal!"

[Luan and Luna smile at each other.]

[Cut to Lynn Sr. now working with many devices.]

Lynn Sr: "Watching videos, texting emojis, selfie..." [Takes one] "...and post." [Posts] "Nice. Maybe I can livestream my own cooking and post some 'How To' videos."

[The kids have seen it all.]

Lori: [Overjoyed with tears] "I am literally so proud right now."

[They each get a ping on their phones.]

Lincoln: "It's a text from Dad." [Reads it] "'THX 4 showing me the light. Wut U kiddos think about getting FASTER internet? Racecar emoji, celebrate emoji, happy cat emoji'."

[The kids all cheer and hug while their house gets covered in other emojis. Enter Jackson.]

Lynn Sr: "Oh, good! You're back from your walk. Listen, Kotaro and I have a big show coming soon, and Lunes and Luan suggested a livestream. You think you can help set things up?"

Jackson: "Uh... I'd love to, but... I'm kinda busy. I'll send you a tutorial video if it helps."

Lynn Sr: "Fair enough."

[Jackson heads upstairs, where he glances at the Loud kids.]

Jackson: "Backfire imminent. I just know it."

[Later, Lynn Sr. is busy texting while Lincoln comes in with a textbook.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Dad, could you help me with my social studies homework?"

Lynn Sr: "Eh, sorry, son. It'll have to wait. It's Throwback Thursday, and I was tasked by some guys I met to post some pics. But I ran out of ideas for posting pictures of myself. So... I opted for you kids."

Lincoln: "Without our consent?"

Lynn Sr: "Those guys were rushing me. And... post!" [Posts them] "There. One less problem to deal with today. Now, I can help."

[Suddenly, Lori screams and comes charging in.]

Lynn Sr: "Or... not."

Lori: [Enraged] "WHAT DID YOU DO?! How could you post a picture from my..." [Gasps] "...awkward stage?"

[She shows a picture of a younger, nerdier version of her.]

Lincoln: "Uh... What year is that?"

Lynn Sr: "Ooh! Five likes already!" [Gasps] "Maybe it'll start trending."

[Lori screams at the thought]

Lynn Sr: "J-Just kidding! Just kidding."

Lincoln: "Don't be embarrassed, Lori. Everyone posts old photos like that. They're harmless." [Lori becomes annoyed]

Lynn Sr.: "And... post." [Posts something]

[Lori gets it]

Lori: [Competitively] "Oh, yeah? Then, maybe you'd like to see Dad's latest post."

[She shows Lincoln one of his old baby photos from when he was potty training, specifically, him standing on the bowl.]

Lincoln: [Horrified] "#PottyChamp? #LinkyMadeAStinky? Oh..." [Faints]

Lynn Sr: "Yeah, I'm getting rid of that." [Deletes it] "There. Not a single repost."

Lori: [Takes a photo of her unconscious brother out of spite.] "So cute! I'll post this next TBT!"

Lynn Sr: "Lori!"

[Dinnertime]

Luna: "Dudes, I'm hungry like the wolf. What's taking Dad so long?"

Luan: "Dad, what's the holdup?"

Lynn Sr: "I'm trying to get the stove on."

[In the kitchen, Lynn Senior is live-streaming a cooking show while trying to activate the stove.]

Lynn Sr: [Succeeds] "There we go." [To the recording] "And hello to my new viewers from Sweden, or should I say, Valkommen, to the Lynn-ternational Cuisine Livestream with Chef Loud. Today, we're making pizza." [Notices the angle the phone's at.] "Oh, wait. They can't see that." [Takes the dough and zooms in.] "Let's try this again. Today, we're making pizza." [Begins tossing]

[Later, everyone else is still waiting at the dinner table, with tired looks on their faces.]

Lynn Sr: [Serving the pizza] "Alright, get ready to feast, fam."

[He sets it down, and the kids are about to reach for a slice, but their dad and their housemate beat them at grabbing one.]

Jackson: "Too slow."

Lynn Sr: "Next idea: Feast your eyes. I'm gonna take photos for SwiftyPic." [Takes a photo] "Better take a few JIC." [Takes another photo] "Ugh! I can't post these! They're totes ug. I'm starting over." [Opens the window and tosses his slice out. The kids shout over each other in alarm.]

Lincoln: "Wouldn't the trash bin be easier?" [Lynn Senior facepalms at this realization]

Lynn Sr: "My bad."

[Lynn Senior is sitting on the couch, still on his devices, albeit grumpily. The rest of his family comes in through the front door.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Dad."

[No response from their dad.]

Leni: "So, how was work today?"

[Still no response, annoying the kids and Rita. They gather around Dad, finally gathering his attention.]

Lynn Sr: "Guys, I'm fine. I just want to think."

Luan: "About what?"

Lynn Sr: "Well, with all of my cooking skills, I've been thinking of opening a restaurant."

Kids: [Intrigued] "Ooh!"

Rita: "Oh, have you now?"

Lynn Sr: "But I don't know how to advertise it, nor do I even know a good spot to set up. That's why I'm looking over these maps of the town."

Lynn: "Why not just look for something in person?"

Lynn Sr: "I decided that I'll go in person once I find a good spot... which might take forever."

Lucy: [Pushes the others away] "Well, don't let us stop you."

Lincoln: "Luce!"

Rita: "Lucy, no pushing."

Jackson: "Lucy!"

[Only Luna and Lori are left.]

Luna: "Uh... Hey, Pop Star. Wanna jam later once you're done searching for the day?"

Lynn Sr.: "I'd love to..." [Luna gets out her guitar.] "...but..."

Luna: "But what?"

Lynn: "I was thinking of giving something to you first, Lunes." [Pulls it out and shows it to Luna] "Behold! An autographed CD, CowBellFan85!"

[Luna growls, and Lori slams the door to get his attention.]

Lynn Sr: "Oh, hey, Lori. When did you get home?"

Lori: "I was with the others." [Sighs] "Dad, how about we just put these away for one second?"

[Lynn Senior scowls at her.]

Lori: "Dad-"

Lynn Sr: "I told you, I'm fine! Now, can you just let me look for a dang building to set up a restaurant?"

[Lucy comes back and pulls Lori and Luna away, and Lynn Senior grumpily goes back to searching.]

[Lori & Leni’s room. The kids are having a sibling meeting. Lily is trying to get on Leni's bed.]

Lisa: "Father is out of control, or, to use his inane vernacular, 'OOC'."

Lynn: "He's got his face in those ding-dang devices all day long."

Lana: "Can't he put them down once in a while?"

Lucy: "He doesn't even look up when we come in the door."

Lori: [Realizes] "Uh, guys, is this all reminding you of anyone?"

Lincoln: [Gasps] "Holy moly! We literally turned Dad into us!"

[Leni screams]

Lana: "You're right! So, that's why he was upset with us. It's no fun being ignored by your own family."

Jackson: [Grabs Lily] "You know, I feared this would imminently backfire, but since you were all so focused on showing your old man 'the wonders of modern tech', who was there to talk to?" [Pets Leni]

Lola: [Upset] "How do we get the old Daddy back?"

Leni: "Ask him politely?"

Lori: [Looks at her phone] "I think it's gonna take more drastic measures than that."

[Back to Lynn Senior and his devices.]

Lynn Sr: "Watching videos. Oh, love this filter. Gym bod!" [Takes a filtered selfie] "Nice. How you doin'? Now, to post." [Tries, but fails] "'Not connected to the internet'? What?" [Checks his tablet] "'Not connected'?" [Checks his laptop] "'NOT CONNECTED'?!" [Screams in panic and bangs into everyone's doors.] "HELP! KIDS! KIDS! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME!?" [Enters Lori and Leni's room, where Jackson and Lily are using a flashlight] "Oh, there you guys are. The internet's out." [Kneels over] "I feel weak."

Lori: "It's not out. We had it turned off." [Has a worried look]

Lynn Sr: [Shocked] "What? How could you? You may as well have cut off my oxygen supply!"

Lori: [Snapping] "We had to do it! You're obsessed with your devices."

[Jackson nudges Lana]

Lana: "Which, to be fair, is all our fault."

Leni: "But we totes miss spending time with you."

Lynn Sr: [On the verge of tears] "Kids? I-I had no idea. ISS!" [Awkward beat] "That means 'I'm So Sorry'. All of you."

[They hug]

Lincoln: "It's okay, Dad."

Lori: "So, can we put these away for a while?"

Lynn Sr: [Sniffles] "Sure. No problem." [Hands Lori his phone, but he hesitates to let go. The kids work together on pulling Dad's device, but they fall in a pile instead as he pulls it away from them.] "Ah, I can't! I'm so hooked on these babies I can't live without 'em. They were actually proving to be useful in the house."

Lori: "Don't worry, Dad. We'll all work on this together." [Turns the internet on her phone off.]

[Lincoln and his dad are playing Chess.]

Lynn Sr: [Knocks the timer over; acting.] "Oops! I'll get it." [goes under the table and takes out a phone.]

Lincoln: [Stern] "Dad! No phones! Besides, we don't even have the internet."

Lynn Sr: "Sorry. I just wanted to hold it. And the camera still works, apparently." [Gives his phone to Lincoln.]

Lincoln: "Well, how can you share it without the you-know-what?"

[Now, he and Luna are jamming in the garage when he leans over to Mister Grouse's window and sees him ordering socks online.]

Lynn Sr: "Oh, great. Now, there are two adults hooked on the internet."

Luna: [Rings his bell in his ear] "Oops, you did it again. No looking at devices, Dad. Not even Mister Grouse's. And besides, he only uses his in case of emergencies."

Lynn Sr: "But he just got a really good deal on socks."

[Later, he's folding laundry with Lori, and he sees his phone. He tries to reach for it, but he fights the urge, impressing Lori. Later, he's playing tarot cards with Lucy and leaving his phone alone. Then, he plays blocks with Lily and puts a molecule model together with Lisa. He plays Hockey with Lynn Junior, who shoots the puck into his net.]

Lynn Sr: "Ha-ha, nice one, Junior!"

Lynn: "Whoo! Yeah!"

[He's now playing "Duck, Duck, Goose" with the twins.]

Lola: "Duck... duck... duck..." [To her dad] "GOOSE!"

[She runs around as her dad chases her. Then, he's juggling with Luan.]

Lynn Sr: "Huh? Huh?"

[He juggles all the balls and drops them on his head, making them both laugh.]

[Lynn Senior puts his devices away in his closet.]

Lincoln: "Good job, Dad. We're proud of you."

Lynn Sr: [Sighs relieved] "Thanks, kids. It's good to be back. Now, who's hungry?" [The kids raise their hands] "Dinner in five!" [Leaves]

Lisa: "So, now that we cured Father, shall I send word to our internet provider to get the rest of us back online?"

[Beat]

Lori: "Eh, what's the rush? We can wait another day."

[They all smile]

Lynn Sr: "Let's dig in!"

[The kids rush to dinner]

Lynn: "Hey, Dad, how about a hockey rematch after dinner?"

Lola: [Angrily] "Hey, I get Daddy first! I wanna show him my ribbon dance."

Lana: "No, I get him. We got some gutters to clean."

Lynn Sr: "Kids, kids. We can do it all." [Their flashlight goes out] "Uh-oh. Jax, the flashlight's out."

Jackson: [Comes down and examines it] "Bulb's fine, but the battery's dead." [Leaves] "I'm gonna get some new ones."

Chapter Text

I'm not comfortable when it comes to talking about the future... or rather, my future. But when it comes to my housemates, I always show my support for them. Recently, the girls and I helped Lincoln with one such problem.

Now, I have to face helping Luna with a similar one after she had a brief talk with her roadie, Charles "Chunk" Monk.

[Later, back at the Loud House, Luna is lying on her bed, depressed, when Lisa comes in wearing her lab coat and riding some contraption, with Jackson in tow.]

Lisa: "Greetings, third-eldest sister."