Chapter Text
Darkness.
That's what Hank saw.
The unbearable ringing in his ears, the throbbing pain in his head... he couldn't remember a thing from the previous night.
However, the loud sound of a tooting horn directly into his ear shook him out of it and startled him awake.
"AAAH!!!" He jerked awake, glancing down at where his head was sitting, only to see what appeared to be a toy elf.
"Dang it, Bobby! I told him not to play with his little dolls, especially not while I'm sleeping!" Hank picked up the toy elf, only for it to... blink. And then yawn.
It was... a real elf... Hank was holding a real, living elf between his fingers. Of course, he knew the correct course of action here.
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" He shouted as he threw the elf in shock. However, this wasn't met without vengeance. A bolt of magical-looking sparkles came flying at the poor man, and he dodged, only for him to realize too late that his wife, Peggy, was behind him. He was forced to watch in horror as his wife was brutally transformed into a frog.
"...wait, if Peggy was here, then that means... AHA!!!" Hank began whistling, before following it up with "Laaadybiiird!"
Before the fairy that had attacked him knew it, a purebred Georgia bloodhound came bolting in her direction, before grabbing her and thrashing her around like a chew toy.
Suddenly, two tiny fairies shrunk Ladybird down to fairy-size. This infuriated Hank.
"DAMN IT, WHERE'S BOBBY?! God only knows what's happening to him!"
Hank glanced around, only to see his son playing with a... boulder with legs and a face? Suddenly, it turned around and vomited highly caustic acid.
"No!!! I'm not gonna let him play with whatever the hell that is!!!" Hank started running to the two, but he was pushed to the ground before he could reach them.
Three of the five things he loved most were in danger. His wife. His dog. And now his son. And Hank was never the type to stand by and do nothing in situations like these. Meanwhile, whoever pushed him was holding him to the ground.
"GET OFF OF ME YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE-" He flipped them off of his back, only to see that it was a living slab of wood. They seemed frightened too.
"...uh, I'm terribly sorry you... wood... thing... but it seemed like you were keeping me from saving my son. Uh... you hate charcoal, right?"
"...keeping you from saving your son? I was keeping you from hurting Rocky." The wood responded.
"Rocky... I guess that's the name of the thing that vomits out acid. So... does he ever, uh... aim it at people?"
"Well you see, the answer to that question is-"
Suddenly, the wood was zapped by a beam of magic, causing him to disintegrate into ash right in front of Hank's eyes.
"Damn it! I could have convinced him to switch to propane! Wood hates charcoal! It would have been perfect!"
The two tiny fairies responsible for the death of the wooden slab fly up to Hank holding his shrunken dog in a cage, before throwing the cage at Hank. It may be small, but it was hard enough to make him black out for a bit.
While Hank was losing consciousness, he could see his son trying to pick up the rock just before it all went dark.