Chapter Text
Dustwallow Marsh was an often overlooked zone in World of Warcraft. If you played Alliance, it was home to Theramore Isle, Jaina Proudmoore's city, a place where Alliance characters could pick up many quests for the zone. The neutral goblin town of Mudsprocket was also in the zone, close to the cave where the black dragon Onxya made her lair.
Dustwallow is overlooked now because most players choose to level through random dungeons instead of questing. The only players who still go to the zone are the few who'd rather quest, and those farming for herbs or leather for professions. As the zone is filled with beasts to skin, and herbs to pick. This is why Canadian wrestler, Danny Duggan, was in the zone with his Gnome Mage. He was picking herbs and skinning beasts as fast as he could to fill his bags with herbs and leather to restock his guild's bank.
Danny had been sent on this farming 'mission' by his guild leaders, Viktor and Kevin Thorn. Viktor and Kevin seemed to enjoy making Danny miserable, sending him to farm materials for the guild was minor compared to some of the other things they'd done to Danny in the past. Or so it seemed. Truthfully, Kevin and Viktor were waiting for Danny to get ganked, seeing as how his mage was only level 35, the bare minimum to be in the zone, it's a contested zone, on a PvP server, and Danny is terrible at playing mages.
Danny took Viktor's advice on heading to Mudsprocket for the skinning, due to the large amount of black dragonflight guards and black dragon whelps in the area who guard Onxya's Lair. Unfortunately for Danny, Mudsprocket is the very place Chuck Taylor and his buddies are flying to from Orgrimmar....
“Tell me I did not just see a gnome farming whelps!” Chuckie called out in vent chat as they were landing at the flight master just outside Mudsprocket.
“I wanna gank it first!” Icarus replied, already swapping out his direhorn for a bone spider before his hunter started rushing off towards Danny's mage. Swamp Monster made a noise before his shaman followed Icarus.
“He swapped for the spida! He's in super cereal PvP mode.” Ricochet chimed in as he started following behind Swampy. Everyone else started following as well, holding back so Icarus could kill the little gnome.
Danny didn't stand a chance, as Icarus used his giant spider's web ability to trap Danny's gnome, then Ic filled the gnome with more arrows than Boromir got when they killed him off in the LOTR films. Danny's mage got turned into a gnome pincushion.
“Camp and round robin gankfest.” Chuckie said as they watched the gnome corpse turn to a skeleton, meaning that Danny had released. His spirit would pop up at the nearest graveyard, and he'd have a short run to return to where his corpse had been to be able to resurrect.
As The Gents waited for the gnome to rez, they took turns t-bagging the dead body, and dancing around in game. Once the gnome had resurrected, Drew smacked it with his mace. One hit, and the gnome was dead again. Still the Horde players danced around, waiting for the gnome to rez.
Each time Danny tried to get his mage back on it's feet, he got ganked. He was a one hit kill for the level 100's. Getting fed up, Danny got in guild chat.
“Kev, Vik, I need help. There's a bunch of level 100 horde guys killing me over here!” Danny begged for help.
“What's your current coordinates, Danny?” Kevin Thorn asked. Danny gave them his in game location.
“Ok, heading to Menethil Harbor so I can catch the boat to Theramore now. And I see Viktor's shammie following me around so I'm dragging him with me.” Kevin said.
“Kev, use your vial of the sands mount so I can ride with you and not get left behind. I want some snacks.” Viktor said. A second later Kevin's worgen death knight turned into a large dragon that looked like it'd been carved from stone. Moments later, a tall blue draenei shaman, wearing engineering goggles, jumped into the saddle on the dragon's back.
“AFK grabbing snacks.” Viktor said, before he got up from his desk and headed to the kitchen.
“Bring me back some beef jerky and something to drink.” Kevin said as he watched Viktor heading out. Viktor made a sound of assent, as in game Kevin the dragon flew out of Ironforge, heading to the Wetlands where they could catch the boat to Duskwallow.
A few moments later, Viktor tossed a bag of beef jerky at Kevin, before leaning in the doorway to pass Kev a bottle of Molsen. As Kevin opened the bottle, Viktor left the room, then came back carrying a bag of microwave popcorn and a Molsen for himself. Viktor got settled at his desk, ripping open the popcorn as Kevin landed on the boat.
“So, what's the plan?” Viktor asked, before tossing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
“I was thinking we stay airborne, just circle the area and watch Danny getting ganked for a bit.” Kevin replied while tearing open his bag of jerky. Viktor chuckled before taking a pull from his beer.
“Wonder how long it's gonna take Danny to realize we didn't come to help him.” Kevin could hear the evil smirk in Viktor's tone.
As the former tag partners headed to Duskwallow, poor Danny was doing everything he could think of to get away from the group of horde guys who were corpse camping his gnome. Danny even tried to resurrect at the graveyard near Mudsprocket, only to get jumped by Doctor Colonel Nolan Angus's druid in giant cat form. The Colonel had been stealthed and waiting for him near the graveyard. Danny was getting real tired of getting ganked by the time a large stone dragon started to circle around the area overhead. Recognizing Kevin and Viktor, Danny let out a sigh of relief, just before Ricochet's mage killed him, again.
“Oh, shit, guys! The gnome called in backup from his guild!” Trent sounded worried once he'd spotted the dragon circling overhead.
“Only two of them. We can take 'em.” Orange Cassidy said.
“Wait a sec, guys. I think I know who that space goat riding on the dragon is. Let me go check my battle net friends list....” Johnny said as he opened up his friends list. “Yep, it's exactly who I thought it was. I'm gonna ask him if they're here to save the gnome.”
“Who is it, Johnny?” Chuckie asked.
“One of the guys from the 'E. Don't worry, let me talk to him. He's pretty cool about stuff.” Johnny replied as he messaged Viktor.
“One of the guys from the 'E? Is that Xavier Woods?” Drew asked.
“No, it's not Woods. I'll tell you who it is in a sec. Let me talk to him first, ok?” Johnny said, then went back to typing out the message.
Viktor started laughing, causing Kevin to glance over at him with a questioning expression. “This is getting better, Kev. I just got messaged from one of the horde guys. It's Gargano down there with a bunch of his old CHIKARA buddies. They're the ones ganking Danny!”
“Really? Tell Johnny to gank Danny again. I never get tired of watching that.” Kevin said.
“Will do.” Viktor said, still laughing as he sent a response to Johnny.
“Guys, they wanna see us gank the gnome again. Viktor just told me they came out here to watch the gnome getting killed, not to save him.” Johnny relayed the message to The Gents.
“Wait a sec.... Viktor? As in one half of The Ascension, Viktor?” Rory asked.
“Yep, that Viktor.” Johnny answered.
“If Viktor's the draenei, then who's the dragon and the gnome?” The Colonel asked.
“The dragon is Kevin Thorn. And the gnome is Danny Duggan.” Johnny informed them.
“That explains why they want us to keep killing the gnome.” Chuckie said. “Who's turn is it to kill the gnome next?”
“Swampy's turn.” Drew said.
Swamp Monster had shifted out of restoration shaman to elemental shaman, and he simply bbq'd the gnome using chain lightning. A loud cheer went up from The Gents, and the pair of alliance flying overhead could be seen cheering them on.
“What are they doing cheering? Why aren't they running these horde idiots off?” Danny wondered, then took to guild chat. “Guys, you can come save me anytime.”
Kevin and Viktor exchanged a look. “You tell him.” Kevin said.
“Don't wanna save you, Danny. Watching you die is too much fun.” Viktor typed out in guild chat.
“I should have known better than to rely on either of you to rescue me! That's it, I'm logging off to go get lunch! Farm your own shit for the guild bank!” Danny grumbled and logged out in a huff.
“Damnit, what are we supposed to do for fun now?” Kevin asked as the gnome vanished from the game.
“I guess we can go kill Onxya to try to get the mount. Since we're already out here.” Viktor said with a shrug.
“Fine, I'll tank her. You better keep the whelps off my ass.” Kevin said as he started flying towards the cave.
“I wanted to tank the dragon.” Viktor teased.
As the gnome vanished and the dragon flew away a few moments later, Chuck started to pull his raid group back together. Get the guys focused on what they'd come to the zone for. “Looks like the gnome finally chickened out. Come on, guys, and Johnny. We've got work to do.”
The Gents switched back to their raid specs and started mounting up for the ride through the marsh to Onxya's Lair.