Chapter Text
Eventually, summer vacation was over and the first day of school was upon them. They grabbed Chuuya’s bike and bit back the nerves, ready to face whatever would happen today. Dazai’s statement video had blown up, meaning that truly everyone now knew of his story. No backing out.
They parked the bike in a secluded area behind the school. Somewhere where they could be alone and mentally prepare for even just a moment. They sent a text to Yuan and Shirase, as well as Odasaku and Mori, before putting their phones away.
“First few days are probably gonna be the worst. That’s the main part we need to get through. It’ll probably quiet down after that.” Dazai nodded. Chuuya was right. With big situations like this one it was usually like that.
Just a few days.
“Welcome to hell.” A familiar voice greeted them and they turned over, spotting the two other Sheep moving towards them. They met halfway and exchanged hugs. “How bad is it?” Dazai asked, eyes drifting towards the school building. Shirase and Yuan had gone and gotten here earlier to check what the situation was.
“Got a bunch of strange looks and about a dozen people asking where you are and when you’re getting here.” Shirase responded. Dazai sighed. As expected then. No use procrastinating on going in though. It wouldn’t change the outcome of the situation anyway, just delay it.
“I think we should go in.” He said. His friends nodded. “Then we will. Right behind you.”
Dazai was nervous. But he also felt safe.
—
Walking onto school grounds gave him a pretty good taste of what it felt like to be a celebrity. Sure, he always was with the band who’d been getting more famous. But he’d always been more in the background. Now the spotlight was on him. Is this what Chuuya feels like?
Whispers. People stepping aside and letting them through. Students. Teachers. Eyes on his every move. Everyone seemed like they had something to say, but no one was speaking directly to him. Like they weren’t sure if they were allowed to. Or like they weren’t sure whatever it was they had to say wouldn’t hurt him.
At least their looks weren’t mean. Though Dazai didn’t know if he liked the pity and concern either. It was weird. At least Odasaku was waiting at the entrance of the school and Dazai breathed out a sigh of relief. Finally. Someone who didn’t seem to be treading on eggshells. Someone who actually looked at him like he wasn’t some kind of alien new to earth.
“Dazai-kun and friends. Hello. I apologize for the student body’s behavior. They’re just unsure how to approach the elephant in the room.” Odasaku spoke, sounding slightly exasperated and shaking his head. Dazai shrugged his words off. “Well. We expected something like this anyway. We’re as prepared as we can be. Now we just have to wait it out.”
Dazai briefly checked their surroundings to see how many students were completely focused on them and he barely found anyone who wasn’t looking. This was about to be one long day.
It took all the way until they got to their classroom and sat down for someone to actually come speak to them. A girl from the class along with her friends. She walked up to Dazai’s desk and remained perfectly still for an uncomfortable amount of time as Dazai watched her go through at least 20 conflicting emotions all at once. He was about to ask her what was going on when–
“That video. All the things you said. They’re real, right?” She asked. Dazai raised an eyebrow. “I mean- yes but–” …Aaaaand she nearly burst into tears, leaving Dazai a little overwhelmed and speechless. He looked over at his friends, but all of them looked to be similar levels of confusion so they wouldn’t be of much help. Great. Okay. This is fine.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Dazai eventually asked, internally cringing at how awkward he sounded. The girl shook her head as her friends consoled her. “Yes, just- That’s so terrible… I had no idea someone could be hurting so much.”
Gods, he definitely got himself into a situation.
—
That girl speaking to him and crying afterwards was like a dam breaking and suddenly everyone in the school wanted to talk. Asking him questions and to elaborate further on various topics. The same voices that complained about him getting away with coming late to class about two and a half years ago were now offering to hand over their notes in case he was gonna miss a day of school for whatever reason.
Dazai received chocolates and supportive cards and about 200 different individual phone numbers in case he ‘needed someone to talk to’. He was offered connections to therapists, whether they be the parents of some fellow students or their acquaintances. There were apology letters from people whose faces he didn’t even remember but who had apparently bullied him in the past.
It was a lot. Way too much. Nice, sure. Caring, probably. But Dazai felt like he was being smothered by everyone putting bubblewrap around him. He thanked people, spoke to some he wasn’t sure he’d ever even seen before. He lost count of how many times someone wanted him to confirm something specific from the video. It was one thing for them to be nosy, sure. But there was also a whole different thing that came with this situation and Dazai… Well. He wasn’t sure what to make of that .
“The topics for math finals already look way too difficult to ever even consider getting through them with a good grade! I’m gonna kill myself…” A guy two desks to the front said, lamenting the announced contents of their exam. He reminded Dazai of Chuuya who really didn’t look much better, staring at the list.
“Hey! You can’t just say that when–” The guy’s friend whisper-shouted, throwing a stray glance at Dazai. Huh ? The suffering student turned around and went pale. “I mean obviously I’m not gonna do that over a math exam and also I’m really sorry for bringing that up, I should’ve never said something like this.” He started rambling.
Ah .
Dazai dismissively waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind stuff like that being said.”
And yet somehow, it went on just like that. A bunch of high-schoolers censoring their self-deprecating jokes in his presence. What exactly was going on in their heads?
The day went on, getting gradually more exhausting. So much so that Dazai opted to skip the last lesson of the day on the roof. He was tired.
The day was nice. Blue sky, a few clouds. Yet it wasn’t painfully hot. Just.. Comfortable. Maybe he’d ask Chuuya for a spontaneous date later. A walk along the shoreline during sunset. That sounded pretty nice. They should do that.
The door to the roof opened. Someone stepped out. The door closed again. Dazai didn’t look over at the person who appeared next to him. If they had something to say, they should just say it.
“You’re everyone’s favorite now.” The person said. Female. Dazai knew the voice. He still didn’t look up. “All I did was clarify some stuff about a situation that was going viral on the internet. I didn’t ask to be anyone’s favorite. But I guess it’s nicer than being everyone’s least favorite. Though it’s still tiring regardless of which one it is.”
Lee sat down near him, keeping a respectful distance between them. She knew her place.
“Kota didn’t even want to come to school today. I think he knew this was gonna happen and he was gonna look even worse by comparison.” She said, hugging her knees. So that’s why Dazai hadn’t seen the guy all day.
“You’re here though.” He responded eventually. “Even knowing you’re almost as bad off as he is.” Lee gave a small nod in return. “I am. And I’m aware. They look at me like they used to look at you. I think I’m starting to understand how much it sucks. Hurts, having them treat me like I’m evil. Hurts even more to know that they’re not wrong.”
Oh?
“To be honest, since the incident in Paris I’ve been thinking. I allowed myself to be swept up in what the others were doing and it led to me being real shitty towards a person who didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice was calm, resigned. She sounded genuine.
“Actually, it might’ve been even longer. The thinking, I mean. Thinking about how what I was doing was wrong. You’re not a weirdo. Not in a bad way at least. Not antisocial either. Just so screwed over by life that you turned into someone who strays far from the norm. A perfect target.” She continued. Dazai kept listening in silence.
“And then something happened. Nakahara asked you out. You joined his friend group. Everyone finally got to see a different side of you. It didn’t fit in the guys’ worldview so they doubled down. I joined initially but then–” She cut herself off and remained quiet for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and looked directly at Dazai.
“You have a pretty smile, y’know? The genuine one, I mean. Nakahara is one lucky guy for sure.” She got up and stretched.
“I’m sorry, Dazai. For everything. And especially for what happened in Paris. That was a real dick move from my side. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
…And then she was gone, like nothing ever happened, leaving Dazai on the roof, questioning reality.
Lee was… apologizing?
Lee was apologizing.
Later, when everyone was released from class to go home and Dazai almost got caught up in another group conversation with some fellow students that would probably make him explode on the spot because it was all way too much, she stepped in.
“Can’t you see you’re overwhelming him? Let the poor guy process all the attention he’s been getting today.” Lee said, putting herself in between the group and Dazai. It gave him the opening he needed to slip away swiftly.
It was a start, at least.
—
“She what ?!” Chuuya asked in disbelief. Dazai shrugged. “She apologized. Said she was gonna do better and make it up to me. No idea what exactly that entails but I guess we’ll see.” Then he shuddered. “She also complimented my smile and said that you’re a lucky guy. I mean- we knew but- hearing her say that is a whole different thing.” Chuuya snorted and looped one arm around Dazai’s. “Well. She’s not wrong. But unfortunately for her I’m not fucking sharing you. Sucks to suck.”
Following his idea earlier that day, Dazai had actually asked Chuuya to go on a sunset beach walk with him. The sand was soft under their feet, the air was comfortably warm and salty and the seagulls were catching their dinner in the distance.
“I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about Chibi. I’m pretty happy with the life partner I have right now and I’m certain that won’t change anytime soon.” He responded, setting his chin down on top of Chuuya’s head. Chuuya scoffed. “I sure fucking hope so. No one else gets to have you. Especially not someone who treated you the way she did.”
They stood still for a moment, looking out at the ocean. Chuuya had turned in Dazai’s arms, back leaning into the taller’s chest. Peaceful. Warm. Dazai felt his heartbeat syncing up with his boyfriend’s.
“Kota has yet to appear in school, hm? He really was too scared to show up today.” Chuuya asked. Dazai nodded. “That’s what Lee says, at least, and I don’t think she’s lying. We would’ve seen him, had he been there.” Chuuya shifted, most of his weight resting against Dazai now. Dazai didn’t mind, just went to hold him more securely.
“Did you ever read the messages?” The redhead asked. Dazai shook his head. “No, I haven’t. If he has something to say, he better do it in person. And if he can’t do that, then whatever he has to say can’t be that important.”
He didn’t care anymore, as long as he was left alone by the guy.
Chuuya’s phone dinged in his pocket and Dazai chuckled. “How much you wanna bet it’s your brother again.” Chuuya sent him a deadpan stare. “ Everything .” To which Dazai’s chuckles morphed into laughter and he maneuvered the two of them towards a nearby rock, sitting down as Chuuya pulled up the message history. A video. Verlaine had sent a video. A video of…-
“No fucking way he actually did it.” Chuuya breathed out. Though according to the video footage shown, Verlaine most definitely did .
Video footage, filmed from somewhere that was obviously hidden, showing Chuuya’s brother and his boyfriend on a date at a restaurant table, complete with roses, fairy lights, the sunset in the background and all that super romantic stuff. Both of them knew what was coming before the moment even happened. …And then it happened.
Verlaine, taking Rimbaud’s hand in his own and talking in a quiet, hushed voice that wasn’t properly audible unless you listen really really closely (though Dazai wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to hear Verlaine’s lovestruck rambling), giving a whole lengthy speech that eventually ended with him on one knee, holding up a box with a ring, asking the other man to marry him. Of course Rimbaud said yes immediately. Because really, the two of them had been all but married for years, only missing the rings and the marriage certificate. And now that would finally become reality as well.
“He actually fucking did.” Chuuya said and shook his head in disbelief. “Finally! Almost thought we’d end up married before these two. But I suppose they beat us to it, hm?” Dazai nodded. “They sure did. Eh, we’ll catch up eventually.”
Neither of them elaborated on the topic further. Sure. Logically they’d have to have that conversation eventually but… They could do that another time. For now it was time to congratulate the freshly engaged couple in their family.
—
Dazai managed to get through almost five full days of the school situation before he had enough. They were treating him like the slightest gust of wind could blow him over and he couldn’t take it anymore. And when the fifth person in his class asked if he was alright when he was just trying to look out of the window during a small break, something in him snapped.
Too much.
It was too much.
“If it feels that shitty, you should tell them, don’t you think? Chuuya suggested. It was lunch break and the two of them were sitting on a bench out in the school’s courtyard. Well, Chuuya was sitting. Dazai was lying down, head on Chuuya’s lap as he tried to explain what he was feeling. The fingers in his hair felt soothing and helped untangle the mess in his brain.
“I don’t wanna come off as rude. They’re just.. Caring for me. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He tried to reason. Chuuya sighed. “Even if there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, you’re still allowed to feel that it’s too much y’know? Tell them. Formulate it in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re rejecting their good intentions and everything will be alright.
Right. Why did this still have to feel so difficult?
“And here I thought things were supposed to get easier now that the old man is out of the picture for good. Turns out there’s much more to it.” Dazai groaned and turned his head, burying his face in Chuuya’s sweater. “All I want is one peaceful day where nothing’s going on! How can that be so difficult?!” To which Chuuya just snickered and tugged on his hair lightly. “And what if I tell you that, after clarifying that to our fellow students, you might get more of those days?” He asked.
…He had a point, actually. If Dazai wanted peace, he’d have to do this first. And then, hopefully, things would cool down.
It ultimately ended up being one of Odasaku’s classes where he decided to speak up. After talking to the man, of course. Not that that was any issue whatsoever. The teacher was fully on board.
“Everyone, can I say something?” Dazai asked at the start of the lesson. He opted for remaining in his seat, rather than standing at the front. That would be too stressful. Odasaku glanced at him with his best look of encouragement and Dazai took a deep breath as everyone turned to him. Hell no. He wouldn’t allow his throat to close up now. He would not.
One day, I swear. One day I won’t feel nervous and like I’m doing something wrong whenever I speak up for myself. Stop being stupid and talk already.
“I guess I’ll start by saying thank you?” He started, looking down at his notes. “You guys and the rest of the students are doing a great job looking after me and it’s appreciated. That being said. It’s overwhelming. And some things are too much. And I get that some of you are really trying to be careful with what they say and do in my presence, but I’m not made of glass, so don’t treat me like I am, okay? You don’t have to censor yourself, or ask me how I’m doing at any given opportunity. I’m okay. I just want everyone to act normal. Think you can do that?”
Short and precise. Like he meant it to sound. And somehow, it seemed like it was enough for them to understand. Good.
“Anyway~ That’s all I wanted to say. Resume the class, Oda-sensei!”
It was easier after that, existing at school. His classmates took his words to heart and slowly but surely shared them with the rest of the school. Turns out that sometimes, change really was that easy. He wondered what had stopped him from trying for so many years before he met Chuuya. Maybe he simply didn’t have the motivation or energy.
Within another week, the climate in the school had shifted. The students were less obnoxious now. Still asking about stuff at times, but limiting it to appropriate timing, rather than all the time .
There was another new revelation as well. One that came to Dazai in the form of a note in his locker in a handwriting he knew , but definitely did not expect.
‘Switched to a different class. I’ll leave you and your friends alone from now on. That’s a promise.
-Kota’
It took Dazai a good ten minutes of repeatedly reading the words for them to register in his brain.
So that’s where the guy went. Dazai never really paid attention to the other classes.
It may not be an apology. But for now it was enough. Just being left alone by him was enough. …Though he still wanted a proper apology.
Things really were looking up now, hm? He really could use some peace. This had to have been it, right? Surely he’d get a break.
Surely the next stupid peace-disrupting thing wasn’t just around the corner.
Surely the missed calls from a psychiatric clinic specialized on treating convicts meant nothing.
…right?