Chapter Text
Jaeyun was much more handsome than Sunoo recalled; the last time he had seen his old friend was the year that Jaeyun and Sunghoon graduated together, since they were a year older than Sunoo. After that, Jaeyun more or less disappeared for some time; Sunghoon said he had heard from Jaeyun’s mother that he was attending graduate school abroad to pursue international relations.
In addition to Heeseung, Jaeyun did not keep in contact while he was away. They did not hear from him except for cards wishing happy birthday to Sunghoon, Sunoo, and eventually Junhyeon once he was born. The friendship was distant, but the prince and advisor knew that it was a product of circumstances that piled on, keeping the group apart.
Now, nearly ten years later, Jaeyun was standing before his old friend and old lover – a standstill moment that no one would have expected.
Jaeyun bowed, gesturing to the young prince and then to the advisor and chief of security. Sunghoon stood watching off the side, hands behind his back, as he stood next to Wonyoung. Junhyeon was let down and wrapped his arms around Heeseung’s legs while sitting on top of his dress shoes, peering curiously at the group.
“Jaeyun…it’s been a while,” Sunoo said, incredulously, mouth agape to see his long-time friend, touching the grey blazer that his Aussie friend wore; he squeezed Jaeyun’s arms to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.
The brunette laughed, pulling Sunoo in for a hug. “It’s been so long, Noo, I hope Sunghoon-hyung and Jongseong-hyung have been treating you well as the trusty advisor?”
Sunoo leaned back from the hug to look at Jaeyun closely. Over the years, Jaeyun managed to look younger than ever, eyes warm and round, contrasted with a strong nose and beautiful smile. It all persisted even years after university was over.
“It’s good, just not the same without you here,” Sunoo confessed.
Jaeyun laughed warmly, his voice husky like Sunoo had recalled it to be. “Well, I hope you don’t get sick of me because I’ll be your new coworker for a bit. Parliament brought me on to assist with Jongseong’s succession.”
From Sunoo’s peripheral vision, he sees Heeseung grow tense and uncomfortable; Jaeyun was his first love, who left Heeseung suddenly for the sake of duty to marry a betrothed. The advisor had to remind himself that Heeseung hadn’t seen or heard any trace of his lover for so long – Sunoo’s mind wandered briefly, wondering if Heeseung ever sought out Jaeyun ever again.
“Hello, Heeseung-ssi,” Jaeyun said, as he turned slightly to face the chief of security.
Heeseung nodded politely, jaw still tight with tension. An uneasy air settled between them, weighted and heady. Heeseung cleared his throat, trying to divert attention from the awkwardness. “Um, welcome back, it’s been a while…what, since university?” Heeseung asked, driving in the fact that it had been a long time since he’d last seen any trace of Jaeyun.
“Yeah…it’s been a while,” Jaeyun said, in a quieter tone, voice trailing off slightly as he gazed upon Heeseung heavily.
The royal couple had approached the trio now, with Junhyeon scampering to meet his mother’s legs and hug her by the thigh. Wonyoung smiled, nodding in acknowledgment to Jaeyun, as Sunghoon began to speak. “Jaeyun was assigned to personally be a liaison for Parliament in regards to Jongseong-hyung’s ascension; he will be involved with the more diplomatic aspects, considering his more recent background,” the prince explained, smiling at his longtime friend.
Jaeyun clasped his hands together softly, nodding at Sunghoon’s introduction. “Yes, I have actually been working in New Zealand for the Korean Embassy for some time as the ambassador; I was there for about six to seven years before I moved back recently, just a few months ago.”
It answered why Jaeyun was gone for such a long time without any notice or much contact from him. Heeseung must’ve been stung by the news, but from Sunoo’s perspective, he held it back well.
Sunghoon began to chat more with Jaeyun, carrying on the conversation to ask where the brunette man was now residing within Seoul. The prince was unaware of Heeseung and Jaeyun’s history, based on what the chief of security told Sunoo months ago when he first revealed their relationship that formed during university; Sunoo was unsure if either of them would make it known to the prince about their history.
Jaeyun carried himself warmly, with a unique brightness that colored his personality, revealing the influence that living and working abroad had brought upon him. He was no different than how he was as a child, traces of the same talkative yet coy personality that completed the trio with Sunghoon and Sunoo still peeking through.
What Jaeyun’s return meant to Heeseung…that Sunoo was also unsure of. He wondered if Heeseung had a feeling of relief seeing him again, or if he was just in shock from the unexpected reunion; or maybe he was angry at Jaeyun for disappearing from his life with a sense of urgency that only made Heeseung feel hurt, confused, and angry. Sunoo couldn’t be sure, but the look upon Heeseung’s face revealed threaded tension woven into his features.
At the time, Sunoo checked his watch and urged the group to make their way inside the hall so the ceremony could begin. They shuffled in obediently, and with the final setup completed, it was ready for Jongseong to receive the official Imperial Signet and to accept the ascension to the throne.
While the ceremony took place, with the King reading his Letter of Abdication to indicate his resignation from the role of the Crown, Jongseong stepped forward as the King presented the Imperial Signet, a silver pinky ring that donned the crest of the Park Dynasty worn only by those on the throne.
As Jongseong prepared his speech of acceptance, Sunoo stood idly, watching the Crown Prince, now the reigning King, shuffle through his papers. He felt a small, feather-like touch that brushed against his right pinky. Sunoo glanced up, meeting Heeseung’s eyes that were lined with emotion. Silently, effortlessly, Heeseung slid his hand into Sunoo’s and interlocked their fingers without a word. The grip felt desperate and worried.
Heeseung kept his eyes locked on the soon-to-be-king, as his hold in Sunoo’s hand remained steady. He wondered what this meant for their relationship, but also conflated with the weight of what he and Sunghoon had experienced recently.
The table was quiet aside from the soft clinking of chopsticks on bowls as Heeseung and Sunoo ate their dinner. As of late, when they would meet for a meal, it would be at a restaurant or takeout eaten in either of their offices, but today, they were in Sunoo’s living quarters within the Palace. It was like a small apartment, fitted with a kitchen, bathroom, and living area – big enough to host a guest if Sunoo wanted, but cozy enough that it wasn’t overwhelming. He didn’t spend much time in there except to sleep or read, so it was modest and light with the decor and furniture, save for the comfy couch he splurged on.
At Sunoo’s small oak dining table, the couple sat eating in a dry silence that felt uneasy. Heeseung was silent, mostly in response to Jaeyun’s sudden arrival at the Palace and into his life again – it couldn’t have been easy to process. On the other hand, Sunoo was wordless, mulling over Sunghoon’s promises of them figuring this all out somehow; the prospect of breaking things off with Heeseung seemed like the next step for him, even if he’d slowly grown attached to Heeseung’s companionship. A part of Sunoo knew their relationship would be damaged once they ended things, even if it was an amicable ending.
Needing to fill the gap between them and to fight his fears for once, Sunoo became the first to speak, clearing his throat. “Heeseung…what are you thinking about?”
The question seemed simple, but the waters Sunoo was treading into were murky and precarious, and now he was willing to finally face it. If Sunghoon had the confidence to promise him a future together, somehow, perhaps he could finally give in to his longings.
“To be honest…a lot of things. I’m just confused and in disbelief,” Heeseung said, voice quiet. He pushed at the food in his bowl, eyes lost in thought.
“I thought I’d never see Jaeyun again...I told myself to forget about him forever, and that’s what I did. The space just made it easy, I guess.”
“Ahh…” Sunoo replied, voice trailing off.
“Well, I suppose, how do you feel now? About Jaeyun,” Sunoo asked, watching Heeseung’s self-soothing behavior.
Heeseung sighed wistfully, setting his chopsticks down to meet Sunoo’s eyes. “Honestly, I don’t have any feelings except relief...that he’s doing okay. I thought I’d be more emotional or hurt, but I just feel…happy to see him? I don’t know if that’s proof that I’ve fully healed or…”
He left his sentence hanging in the air, words stilled and haunting. Heeseung was confused, maybe some minuscule fiber within him that was left clinging onto what could’ve been.
Heeseung shook his head, exhaling sharply. “I shouldn’t think too hard about it; besides, I have you. You are what's important to me now, Sunoo,” he said, reaching over to place his hand over Sunoo’s on the table.
Sunoo’s breath hitched before curving his lips into a smile. He was a terrible person, but he couldn’t help but want to protect Heeseung from this moment of vulnerability. It was ironic to reassure Heeseung of his worries and confusion, but it was since his heart knew it all too well: the pain of accepting and moving on.
Once finished with their meal, they stood to begin to clear the table, silent and pensive. Sunoo rinsed the plates, placing them in the dishwasher before glancing at Heeseung wrapping up some leftovers in a container, mind elsewhere. The kitchen was closed for the night, the lights shut off, and emptied for the day.
In the living space, Heeseung turned on the TV, flicking through channels aimlessly until he landed upon a random drama. The two wordlessly curled up together on the couch, Heeseung leaning his back against Sunoo’s chest and Sunoo carding his fingers through strands of his boyfriend’s hair.
For once, Sunoo wasn’t hesitant or unsure of his emotions and needs. While he stroked Heeseung’s hair until he felt the older man relax and fall into slumber, Sunoo knew that the weight he carried in his own heart for Heeseung was full of adoration and attachment – while it was sincere, but platonic. Sunoo loved Heeseung for all the right reasons, but simply not in the way he led on.
Sunoo knew he had to end things soon to shield Heeseung from even more hurt. It was only a matter of time before things could unravel out of control and into a chaos that formerly only resided within Sunoo’s mind.
For the time being, Sunoo held onto Heeseung tighter that night, the embrace reciprocated effortlessly.
Sunoo rubbed his eyes, stepping out into the courtyard and meeting with a crisp autumn breeze. He was on his break for the day and decided to get some fresh air after being impeded by the stuffy feeling of being in his office all morning. He wrapped his coat tighter as he walked along the tiled pathway towards the gardens.
The palace had fallen into a quieter rhythm as the seasons changed and moved into a chillier atmosphere. Sunoo quite enjoyed the palace gardens in a more peaceful state, which allowed him to have his own time for once during the busy days.
However, the sound of two familiar voices piqued his hearing as a conversation floated amongst the aisles of neatly trimmed shrubbery and manicured trees.
“I was in so much shock to see you in front of me – when they told me a liaison from Parliament would be joining us for the succession transition, I would have never imagined it to be you.”
“When I received the assignment, I couldn’t believe my eyes that I would be seeing you again so soon after my return.”
It was the prince and Jaeyun, strolling amongst the garden with their hands clasped behind their backs, a picture of elegance but a glimpse of Sunoo’s youth, taking him back to a time when things were simpler. Sunoo’s heart felt warm with contentment as he watched the two fall deep into discussion over what Jaeyun had been up to in New Zealand.
Suddenly, as Sunoo was still preoccupied with memories, he heard his name being called.
“Sunoo-ssi! How are you doing?”
Jaeyun was already hurrying over to meet Sunoo where he was standing. He pulled the blonde into a warm hug, arms holding him in a reassuring hold. From behind him, Sunghoon was walking over with a slight smile on his face. It was a strange notion of nostalgia with the three of them together again.
“I’m good. How have you been settling into the palace, Jaeyun-hyung? Did they provide you housing?”
Jaeyun nodded. “I bugged Sunghoon to get me the biggest available one, with a king-sized bed and fully-stocked mini-fridge,” he joked, flashing a cheeky grin.
Sunghoon wrinkled his nose, shoving Jaeyun’s shoulder. “Yeah, sure, leave us a 5-star review once you’re done with your stay,” the prince replied.
Sunoo felt a calmness rush over him, feeling young again with his closest childhood friends in his presence. The prince caught Sunoo’s content expression, sending an equally pleased smile in his direction. The glance was fleeting, but it was filled with a mirth that said it all without a single utterance.
“We were just taking a walk around the garden. Care to join us?” Jaeyun asked the advisor.
Sunoo nodded, agreeing to the offer. “Sure, I will have to be off shortly, though.”
“No worries,” Jaeyun replied, reaching over to ruffle Sunoo’s hair and earning a welp from the younger.
The trio took another loop around the main garden area that was lined with an array of roses of every color imaginable; scarlet reds melded with the blush of pinks and coral, some magenta and yellow blooms peeping through the bushes. Jaeyun chatted about his travels in Australia, where his extended family was located. His time in New Zealand proved to be a period of growth and maturation that was evident in the way the diplomat carried himself.
Sunoo wondered to himself how Jaeyun was doing with his partner, the woman he was betrothed to many years ago, before they lost contact with him.
“Jaeyun-hyung…”
“Hm?”
“How are you doing with your wife…Minseul? Did she move back here to Seoul with you?”
One could see that Jaeyun suddenly tensed his shoulders, jaw tightening. Sunoo blinked at the reaction, surprised at the unexpected. He swore that Jaeyun was engaged to marry the girl, a daughter of an ambassador; Sunoo was never able to attend the wedding since Jaeyun had already moved to New Zealand for his work, and he presumed it took place there. Now, considering Jaeyun’s reaction to the mention of her name, Sunoo was not sure of what this could mean.
“...Actually, Minseul and I never got married,” Jaeyun finally admitted.
Sunghoon and Sunoo both responded in sync, eyes widened and mouths agape. “Ehh??” they both uttered, completely taken aback.
Jaeyun sighed, lips curved into a self-conscious expression. “Yeah, we broke things off before the ceremony…perhaps a few months into us being in New Zealand,” he continued. “We just felt that we were in very different places in our lives; I just wasn’t ready to be married…not to Minseul. It was doing her a disservice.”
This was shocking since just as Sunghoon and Wonyoung did, Jaeyun was also established to be married to a daughter of a wealthy noble family – their engagement was highly anticipated by both families, which would strengthen their positions in society. For Jaeyun to break things off came as a huge surprise, considering that he was the son of a prominent family within the Korean Empire.
“What have you been doing the last seven years then?” Sunghoon asked. “The experience must have been very lonesome.”
Jaeyun shrugged, looking up into the trees above them as they continued walking.
“I adopted a dog; her name’s Layla. Honestly, she’s all I needed during that time – besides, it got quite busy for me while working at the Embassy. I managed just fine,” Jaeyun replied, shooting both of them a smile to alleviate the mood.
Sunoo instantly thought of Heeseung, who thought Jaeyun had left to marry someone and disappear to another country, no contact made whatsoever. Heeseung learned to deal with the hurt, eventually coming to an acceptance and moving on. However, there must have been a reason Jaeyun did not go through with the engagement – a part of Sunoo wondered if Jaeyun was still holding onto his first love.
On the other hand, Sunghoon had no idea about the history that Jaeyun had with Heeseung, and Jaeyun was unaware of Sunoo’s knowledge.
“Anyways,” Jaeyun smiled, attempting to divert the subject. “I’m back and I get to see you all. I have a lot to catch up on, especially with your son, Hoon. He seems like a very clever kid.”
The prince and Jaeyun chatted on until Jaeyun noticed the time on his watch.
“I will have to part ways here. I have an engagement to return to. It was nice catching up, Sunoo-ssi,” Jaeyun said, bowing to both of them. “And, I will see you later, Your Highness.”
As the older man stepped away, Sunoo turned, meeting Sunghoon’s gaze. The prince tilted his head in a silent gesture for them to continue their walk. They made their way further down the garden, where a small labyrinth of tall, stretching bushes was planted; Junhyeon often ran around in that maze, giggling as his tiny self disappeared amongst the green shrubbery. The two made their way into the maze, the gloom slowly waning as the clouds above parted to give way to a cerulean blue sky.
The maze provided some seclusion for once, so wordlessly, the prince slipped his hand into Sunoo’s, rubbing the skin over his hand comfortingly. Sunoo glanced up at Sunghoon, who was already looking his way.
“You look beautiful today,” Sunghoon said, reaching over to tuck a strand behind Sunoo’s ear.
Sunoo laughed, amused by the prince’s romantic gestures. “It’s like you’re back in university, when you would do everything to win my affections,” the advisor said, tilting his head back to admire the sunshine that peeked through the clouds.
“Well, you do make me feel young whenever I’m around you,” Sunghoon replied. “Besides, it’s a wonder how you still look as young as you did ten years ago – you need to lead me to your fountain of youth.”
Sunoo tsked. “You’re still handsome in my eyes, Hoon. You’ve become even more so over the years.”
“Ahh, no wonder you always stiffen up whenever I catch your eye over the years, you can’t help but swoon over me,” Sunghoon teased, hand reaching up to tap Sunoo’s chin.
Even though Sunoo grumbled and pouted, he was silently loving it. To feign annoyance, he lightly punched the prince’s shoulder.
“Besides…you didn’t need to win me over at any point since I’ve known you,” Sunoo mumbled. “I never stopped loving you, even during all those years.”
Sunghoon hummed in satisfaction, his hand still clasped with Sunoo’s. Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to Sunoo’s hair, warm and reassuring. It was sweet, like all that Sunghoon had done for him. Under the concealment of the flora around them, their love was pure and full; Sunoo wonders what their life would have been like if they had chosen each other from the start.
“I wish it could always be like this,” Sunoo said, speaking his thoughts aloud. “No one to worry about when we’re together…being able to be ourselves outside of the confines of our private offices…we’ve never had this freedom.”
Sunghoon stopped them in their tracks. He held Sunoo’s hands, biting his lip in chagrin. “I…wish we could’ve had a different life together. I would have married you the moment we finished school.”
Sunoo’s lip twitched in a sad smile, his eyes rounding with a tiny elation at the idea. “Yeah? And we’d get that big home in the countryside that I always talked about?” Sunoo whispered.
“We’d have that beautiful house you’ve always wanted, with the big windows and that terrace balcony. We’d have a big dog too,” Sunghoon replied, hand cradling Sunoo’s waist now, rubbing the clothed skin there tenderly.
“Hah, yes, we’d get a big white dog that looks like you. So many flowers, too.”
Sunghoon snorted, having to cover his face with his elbow at the reaction. Sunoo smiled, raising his hands to cup his lover’s face. “I wish we could’ve had it all…but you’re all I really need, Hoon."
The prince closed his eyes, leaning into the touch and eventually pressing a kiss into one of Sunoo’s palms. They stood in silence, holding each other within the concealment of that maze. Within there, they had some semblance of freedom outside of those palace walls. It was enough for them, for now. Even though it was cruel to themselves to yearn for something that seemed so futile, the dreams kept them afloat as they reconnected.
Sunoo gently pulled Sunghoon towards him, initiating a kiss that felt simple and honest. They moved without urgency, without the panic of needing to consume each other’s essence as much as they could before they would have to be apart. Sunoo loved it like this; it felt like finally taking a deep inhale after a long dive. The hand around Sunoo’s waist pulled him in closer, resting on the small of his back. His skin thrummed with a buzz of affection that felt as if it were lying restlessly in wait.
Their lips continued to move in an unhurried, steady rhythm, breaking away in occasional, small slivers of time to regain their breath before meeting in the middle again and continuing. Sliding his hands down Sunghoon’s chest, Sunoo sighed in relief – for once, he felt at ease, just them being like this.
Sunghoon leaned back, finally interrupting their kiss. Sunoo blinked in a haze, in awe at how even something so gentle could knock the breath out of his lungs so significantly.
“I have something to show you,” Sunghoon said, pointing towards the end of the maze, before pressing another kiss into his lips, this time a bit more passionately, slicking the pink, slightly-bruised flesh with their mingling saliva.
Sunoo wondered what this could be, curiously following after Sunghoon began to lead them out. Once they neared the exit, they made sure to unlink their hands and straighten their clothing, something they did out of habit to make sure they didn’t raise any suspicions. The sun went in and out of the clouds now, shining down upon the plot of land that lay before them; Sunghoon placed his hands on his hips, proudly.
“The palace landscapers were planning to revise this section of the garden, and they just extracted the last of the plants that used to be here. They asked me what I was interested in replacing it with,” Sunghoon began, gazing upon the ground that was lined with markers to indicate the beginnings of a plan.
Sunoo pondered for a moment, looking around. He wasn’t sure why the prince was so eager to present this to him, so he landed on the conclusion that it was most likely something significant. The blonde’s eyes lingered on the section of the palace before him, before realizing where they were.
“Ah, that’s your private office,” Sunoo commented, pointing at the windows that looked into the prince’s room.
Sunghoon nodded, smiling slightly. Sunoo glanced back at the ground, noticing a few tags nearby, attached to a post placed in the dirt. He walked over, kneeling to inspect the printed words – Helianthus annuus.
“Sunflowers,” Sunoo said aloud, as he stood back up.
The prince remained quiet, but Sunoo knew there was most likely a pleased look across his face.
“They bloom from your birthday until late autumn. I wanted a way to have a reminder of what’s most important to me, what keeps me going.”
Sunoo’s heart leapt again, but this time with almost a tinge of sorrow for what they were faced with; years of sneaking around were filled with ways to only express love in subtle and discreet gestures. He gazed across the plot before him, which appeared to be just planted with the sunflower seedlings, tiny things that had yet to grow and bloom in the next year.
“It’s beautiful, Hoon,” Sunoo whispered, lips in a small smile.
Sunghoon folded his arms, standing beside Sunoo with a satisfied energy to his stance. “For you, my dear sunflower,” he said, voice lowered towards the advisor.
Fingers itching to lace them with the prince’s hand, Sunoo held back as usual, biting back the sensation of longing. He was good at that.
Jongseong’s coronation was in a week’s time, so the Royal Family was in full swing with preparations. Sunoo was juggling a multitude of tasks to assist with the abdication and accession legalities, in addition to overseeing the coronation ceremony logistics. He was also holding transition briefings that occurred twice weekly with Jongseong’s advisory team, the Royal household staff, security and military leaders, and their international liaisons; the busyness was as to be expected, but with more on his mind that involved things outside his duties, it was beginning to weigh him down.
He stood at the head of the oak table in the main conference hall. He remained collected as he went through a timeline of the transitions occurring across all branches of their government and commonwealth nations to ensure alignment. Diplomats raised their hands with inquiries, Sunoo answered with an even tone, precise and clear – as he always was with his work.
Finally, the meeting came to a close, and Sunoo was packing up his things to make his way to his office, when a small voice behind him sounded. The advisor turned in response and met eyes with Gaeul, Wonyoung’s advisor, who bowed politely to him.
“Good afternoon, Sunoo-ssi. I have a message from the Princess that she would like to speak with you in private, in her studies,” she informed, hands clasped in front of her with a quiet assurance.
“Ah, yes, I should be available to meet her now if that’s fine. Did she say what for?”
Gaeul shook her head. “She didn’t mention it, but it seemed urgent.”
Sunoo thanked Gaeul, bowing at her before leaving the conference hall and making his way to Wonyoung’s private study, across from the palace grounds in her and the prince's residence. He entered the accommodations at the admittance of the private guard who watched over, walking up the pristine wood staircase. His steps echoed throughout the airy home with the weight of his presence, threaded with a guilty conscience.
Knocking twice on the white doors to her study, Sunoo inhaled deeply as he waited for a response.
“Come in, Sunoo-ssi,” a voice emerged from inside the room.
Sunoo entered, seeing Wonyoung at her desk writing something on a stack of papers. He bowed deeply before he sat down at the open seat nearby that she gestured to. Wonyoung turned to face him, hands curled in small fists over her lap. Her face was laced with apprehension, lips pursing, and eyes aimed away from Sunoo.
“Sunoo-ssi, thank you for meeting on short notice; I know you’re extremely busy, so I appreciate the time,” she said.
“Of course, Your Highness. For what did you summon me?” Sunoo asked, unsure of what the princess needed him for.
Wonyoung let silence overtake her, lips parting and closing as she tried to speak her words. She swallowed thickly before looking directly into his eyes.
“Sunoo-ssi…have you noticed something…different with Sunghoon lately?”
Sunoo’s stomach flipped. Words lay trapped within his throat, refusing to lay wake.
“He’s just been so distant, it makes me confused. He won’t speak to me aside from greetings or just small talk; it’s unnerving. I’m not sure what’s going on,” she continued, voice wavering slightly. Sunoo could see her lip quiver, yet he couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“Sunoo, he hasn’t hugged or kissed me in weeks…I’m so lost, I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I did to make him like this…” Wonyoung was teary now; even as she tried her best to keep them at bay, droplets began to roll down the corner of her eye.
Sunoo’s palms were sweaty, eyes blinking in anxiety. “I’m so sorry…Your Highness,” his words felt indirectly like an apology for his concealed wrongdoings. “H-have you tried bringing it up to him?”
He wanted to run away; he wasn’t sure whether it was worse to confess and lay down his sins or to act oblivious.
Wonyoung shook her head, sniffling as she reached for a tissue on her desk. She wiped her eyes, blowing into the tissue. “Ahh…I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m just so overwhelmed lately.”
She glanced up at Sunoo. “Has he mentioned anything to you? I’m sure he would have divulged what’s been on his mind with you, considering how much he trusts you.”
Sunoo breathed slowly to calm himself before landing another blow into his heart. “No…not that I know of.”
Wonyoung sighed, looking out the window. Her glassy eyes glinted in the late afternoon light, the gloominess of the clouds outside mirroring her affect.
“I wish he would just talk to me, it hurts me so much to see how he can’t even look my way…I’m worried that I am the reason for his absence of mind.”
“How long have you been noticing this from him?” Sunoo asked, the pit in his stomach growing larger.
Wonyoung blinked as she deliberated in her thoughts. Sunoo couldn’t imagine the spirals of confusion she was experiencing, unknowingly at the hands of her own husband and her trusted confidant.
“Since he returned from the diplomatic tour, it was quite apparent after that,” she finally stated.
The change began after the trip that solidified his and Sunghoon’s commitment to each other. It almost felt incriminating to hear it aloud.
“Sunoo…did anything happen to him while he was on the tour? You would tell me if you knew anything…right?” she implored, eyes pleading.
Sunoo sealed his fate when he responded.
"I don't believe anything occurred, not that I know of."
Wonyoung nodded as she wiped her tears again. The conversation would gnaw at him through the rest of the day, while he sifted through paperwork and calls, rubbing a hand through his hair in quiet frustration. Sunoo found himself zoning out as he completed his final task of the day, tapping his pen on his desk in thought.
He thought about Sunghoon and his sweet words of affection, those soothing touches, the biting flame of his passion as he would kiss him with a vigor that would sweep Sunoo off his feet – all of Sunghoon’s attention now placed upon the advisor that the prince so long pined after, even with years of Sunoo’s distancing. Sunoo realized that he felt an indulgent, but ugly, buzz of satisfaction under his skin – he was choosing Sunghoon over everyone else in his life, and that included Wonyoung.
Sunoo was broken out of his thoughts when he heard a soft knock at his door; he glanced at the clock, seeing that it was around half past eight in the evening. “Come in,” he called when the person did not make themselves known. No answer. He stepped to the door, curious.
He turned the door handle and was met with Junhyeon’s sweet face, smiling up at him. “Hi Sunoo-hyungie,” he said, whispering.
Sunoo knelt to the young prince’s eye level quickly, patting his head. “What are you doing up; isn’t it past your bedtime, Your Highness? And why is no one accompanying you?” Sunoo asked, hands cupping the small boy’s cheeks.
Junhyeon giggled at Sunoo’s actions, but then quieted, glancing behind himself down the hall. The silence that fell upon the small boy felt uneasy, before he began to speak again. “I think Mama is upset.”
Sunoo’s heart twisted up. The collateral damage of his affair with Sunghoon was immense, affecting the youngest of hearts as well. Junhyeon, along with everyone else, had done nothing to deserve the betrayal they could reveal; was this enough to call this all off?
“Hyung, how do I make Mama happy again? Papa is always busy now and can’t make Mama feel better. So I should make her happy,” Junhyeon stated, pouting slightly.
Sunoo reached over to draw the boy in, hugging Junhyeon with a silent apology. “Sometimes, we have to go through sad times to be happy again, Your Highness. You are doing just fine to make your Mama happy, it’s not your fault,” he told the boy who rested his body against Sunoo’s.
Running a hand through the prince’s hair, he felt Junhyeon fall quiet. A young boy should not have to bear the weight of his parents’ emotions.
“You can tell your Mama how much you love her,” Sunoo whispered, earning a nod from the small prince.
At that moment, hurried footsteps came running down the hall as Junhyeon’s nanny came into view, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the lamp on Sunoo’s desk. She sighed in relief, bringing her hands to her face. “Ah, young prince, there you are! Please don’t run off next time. We must keep an eye on you,” she exclaimed, reaching down to gently take Junhyeon’s small hand.
“I am so sorry, Sunoo-ssi, he’s been a little restless lately. I believe it’s all the change occurring in the palace that’s bothering him,” the nanny apologized. “I will let you get back to your work. Again, I apologize for the disruption.”
Sunoo shook his head, waving his hand. “No, no, I was pleasantly surprised to see him. I was just about finished with my reports.”
The nanny urged the prince to say goodnight, then bowed to Sunoo before stepping down the hallway and back to the prince’s quarters. Sunoo sighed, letting the door stay ajar as he walked over to his desk, preparing to leave for the night. He usually would meet Sunghoon around this time, but he was thinking of just turning down for the evening instead – after his discussion with Wonyoung earlier that day, he wasn’t sure if he could bear driving in the knife any further.
As he finished packing the rest of his briefcase, the door hinge sounded. The movement lifted Sunoo’s gaze to rest on the figure of his lover standing at the door, his hand tense on the frame. “Sunoo-yah…were you leaving?”
Sunoo nodded, adjusting the hem of his shirt as he watched Sunghoon quietly close the door behind him. He didn’t want to face anyone else for the rest of the night, which included Sunghoon – his mind was muddled with back-and-forth thoughts, and he just needed to clear his mind, rid himself of the anxiety.
But then Sunghoon drew him back in, like he always could.
“Don’t go.”
The breath was knocked out of Sunoo’s lungs, his body acting before his mind could even process. Sunoo remained still, staring across the room into Sunghoon’s eyes, dark and forlorn. It was as if the world fell silent as Sunghoon walked across the room, his stride calm and decided as he reached forward to cage Sunoo in a swift embrace. Sunoo’s mind lingered on the sensation of the prince’s strong hands, one resting on the small of his back and the other cupping his waist. Sunoo’s arms reached up, wrapping around Sunghoon’s neck like second nature.
Not a single word was spoken, as their eyes locked on one another; Sunoo’s heart could be heard from a thousand miles away with how powerfully it resounded in his chest. Sunghoon’s lips parted instinctively, a breath inhaling as he leaned in. His hand moved up to rest on Sunoo’s cheek, thumbing the skin where he paused.
“Sunoo-yah…I love you, I need you,” he mumbled, eyes dark and needy.
Sunoo felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise at the sound of his voice, beckoning and calling him in. Resisting was futile because in the end, his own body needed it so badly.
“I love you too, Hoon…” Sunoo replied in a whisper, leaning in as his fingers caressed his nape slowly, alternating with carding them through his strands and tugging softly.
Sunghoon shivered at the touch, closing his eyes to lean even closer, lips hovering over Sunoo’s in a tantalizing wait.
“No matter what, I love you and only you. I promise you,” Sunghoon pleaded.
His skin thrummed with adoration, feeling like he was back in university all over again, young and unfamiliar with love. Sunoo chased the feeling as it slowly overcame and became saturated with bleeding desire.
“Kiss me,” Sunoo implored, breath mingling with that of the prince’s, both becoming drunk off each other’s scent.
Sunghoon didn’t need any more convincing, as he dove in and captured Sunoo’s lips in an instant – the kiss felt desperate and possessive. Sunghoon’s touch grew unrelenting to draw Sunoo in even deeper, and he obliged willingly.
Sunoo gasped into his mouth, so Sunghoon took the opportunity to swipe his tongue into the blonde’s mouth, warm muscle drinking in his taste and their saliva mixing headily. Something went ablaze within Sunoo’s body, the burning sensation seeping through every muscle and every vein as Sunghoon pulled him in, strong hands gripping tightly on his waist and dragging down to grab the swell of his ass.
Sunoo whined softly, careful to keep his voice down to avoid notice of any passing staff. Sunghoon kissed him hard once again, before dragging his tongue down Sunoo’s chin and the column of his neck, bared for the prince to take. Sunghoon leaned in to suck on a spot tenderly before nipping at the skin just barely with his canines. Sunoo’s breath caught in his throat at the sensation, hands flying up to grasp Sunghoon’s bicep with warning.
They knew not to leave any marks on each other to avoid suspicion, but tonight felt different – the way Sunghoon touched him and held his body was laced with something almost animalistic, an insatiable hunger that needed to be relieved.
Sunghoon let go of the skin, eyes lingering on what Sunoo imagined to be a reddened spot. “We said no marks,” Sunoo whispered.
The prince’s fingers reached for the buttons of his white dress shirt, slowly and steadily unbuttoning as his gaze latched onto Sunoo’s.
“I need to mark what’s mine,” Sunghoon replied, finally pushing the fabric of the shirt away to reveal the milky expanse of Sunoo’s chest. His words sparked a fire within Sunoo, cock twitching in excitement.
Sunghoon led them to the chaise in Sunoo’s office, lying the advisor across the cushion of the seat and running his hands down the outline of the advisor’s body. The prince leaned down, pressing kisses onto Sunoo’s chest before switching over to nipping at the skin, suckling tenderly at the grazed skin until a redness bloomed over it. Sunoo gasped with each touch, crying out softly when Sunghoon gathered the skin between his teeth, leaving blemishes where they grazed.
Sunoo’s chest slowly became littered with hickeys, his mind telling him to stop the prince, but his body giving in to the sensual acts and sinking deeper into lust. Involuntarily, Sunoo arched his back, leaning into the prince’s ministrations across his skin. Sunghoon continued by reaching his tongue out to flick at Sunoo’s sensitive nipple, earning a wanton moan that was cut off by Sunoo’s hand flying to cover his own mouth, muffling the cry.
Sunghoon looked up into Sunoo’s eyes and smiled coyly; he began sucking, licking his nub with an unyielding pace that had Sunoo’s toes curling and his body continuously arching up into the touch. His other nipple was attended to by the prince’s fingers, pads of his fingertips pinching and flicking, gently and enticingly.
Sunoo felt the front of his trousers tightening with discomfort, so he squirmed in Sunghoon’s caged embrace to relieve himself slightly. Sunghoon reached down, beginning to unbuckle his pants. He began to palm Sunoo, his hand hot to the touch against his strained cock.
“P-please Hoon,” Sunoo breathed out, fingers grabbing at Sunghoon’s hair.
Sunghoon applied more pressure, the touch was hot and searing even through the layer of cotton over Sunoo’s cock. Fingers hooked the waistband and quickly discarded the briefs, before Sunghoon spit into his hand, then wrapped around Sunoo’s length, moving down his shaft in a slow motion. “A-ahh..” Sunoo moaned, hips twitching, sensitive to the touch.
Sunghoon continued to jerk him off, causing Sunoo’s moans to spill into the back of his hand, trying to muffle his cries. The prince whispered into Sunoo’s ear, soothing him to ease into the sensations. In moments, his vision goes blank as he comes undone with Sunghoon’s hand, coaxing him into bliss.
As he breathed hard, regaining his senses, Sunoo already heard the sound of Sunghoon standing up, searching through a drawer to find a bottle of lubrication they had stowed away for their rendezvous. Sunoo whined, keening at the feeling of Sunghoon’s slick fingertips circling his hole, using pressure to gently rub against it slowly.
Sunghoon stretched him out, easing his fingers inside until he had three within Sunoo’s heat. There’s a moment of unfiltered strain as Sunoo’s face scrunched up in focus, trying to ease himself through the newly filled sensation. Sunghoon kissed his face tenderly as he slowly moved his fingers in and out, pressing and prodding at the sensitive spot within.
The blonde blinked through watery vision, arms reaching for Sunghoon’s hips as the prince slicked his length up, pumping twice before lining up his head to Sunoo’s awaiting entrance; the muscle flutters as it makes contact with the head of the cock. Sunoo gasped, feeling the push and slide of Sunghoon’s cock as it made its way inside him.
Sunoo’s nails reached for Sunghoon’s back as the prince folded over him, breathing hard with every inch that eases into Sunoo’s hole. His fingers dragged down the broad expanse of skin, leaving angry red marks in their wake as a reminder of what went down; Sunghoon gritted his teeth, sighing loudly as he finally bottomed out, hips meeting Sunoo’s in the middle.
The full sensation of Sunghoon being within him was overwhelming; it was almost as if every throb of the prince’s cock could be felt, emanating within his body with deliciousness. Sunghoon remained still, fully seated into Sunoo and waiting for his cue. Dark hair fell over his eyes in a shadowed shroud, gaze dark with desire.
After a few more moments of stillness, their breathing fell in sync as Sunghoon let Sunoo get accustomed to the stretch. Sunoo’s hands were now gripping the prince’s biceps, digging in his fingertips into his smooth skin. His head was floating, with only the image of Sunghoon’s figure seared into his vision. He could stay like this, forever, it seemed.
“Hoon…move, please,” Sunoo breathed.
Sunghoon obliged, drawing his hips back until the head of his cock caught right before leaving Sunoo’s heat – then he thrusted back in, causing both of them to choke in a gasp from the pleasure. “Fuck, love, you feel so good,” Sunghoon groaned, as he began to set a steady pace. “You’re so tight, how is this possible...”
Toes curling, Sunoo drew his legs up to wrap his thighs around Sunghoon’s waist, pulling him in and holding tight. “Agh…Hoon, fuck me deeper please…” he moaned, head tilting back onto the cushion of the chaise.
Sunoo became a mess, tears filling his eyes as he got what he requested; Sunghoon picked up the rhythm and thrusted deeper into Sunoo, punctuating each one with a profession of love. Sunghoon wrapped his arm around Sunoo’s slender waist, pulling him in even closer, kissing him deeply. This kiss felt like a beckoning into a sweet, gentle future that they wished to have together – but it was also searing, bright as the heavens, and akin to the first breath of fresh air after being under for so long. Reunited under the moonlight, the stars finally aligned as the world raged on around them. To be Sunghoon’s first love and to have him as Sunoo’s meant everything in this forlorn heart of his.
Sunghoon dragged his lips to place wet kisses down Sunoo’s neck, the cool air hitting the dampened skin and making Sunoo’s senses heighten, with each piece that fell together.
It was like an awakening every time their bodies met, with how intense their desire was on top of the rooted infatuation that kept them going. Fingers carded and grasped at hair, thighs pressed against skin, lips fervently searching for their home. There was no going back now.
Sunoo felt himself being manhandled as Sunghoon pulled himself out, flipping the younger over to sprawl forward on the chaise, chest first. The prince gripped his hips firmly, pulling his smaller body back towards him, both gasping softly when Sunoo’s hole grazed his length, hot cock resting in between his cheeks.
Sunoo rested his forehead on the cushion, bracing himself with his forearms as he felt Sunghoon begin to line his cock back in. Sunoo felt so perverse, dirty, but it felt so right because it was with the love of his life. When Sunghoon angled his hips just slightly differently, Sunoo gasped, throwing his head back and hands flying back to reach the prince’s wrists, where his hands rested on his hips.
Sunghoon leaned forward with his cock still sheathed, wrapping a strong forearm around Sunoo’s arms and lifting his upper body; his hickey-blemished chest bare and open in the air. Sunoo felt his blooms sprouting within his heart, a flurry of colors erupting in his chest as they filled his body with warmth when Sunghoon slid his free hand across Sunoo’s stomach, pulling the younger’s back flush against his stronger chest. Sunoo rested his head back on Sunghoon’s shoulder, eyes clenched shut in bliss.
At an instant, Sunoo saw sparks when Sunghoon began moving, thrusting upwards into him – the blonde’s body jolted in shock with how deep it was going. His whines were reduced to mumbles and incoherent mutterings when the prince found a spot that hit Sunoo in the right places. Sunghoon’s hand around his waist slid upwards, loosely gripping Sunoo’s neck and latching his lips onto Sunoo’s exposed throat, as the younger lolled his head to the side from the rough sex.
Sunoo’s body began growing slack as he lost himself in the pure lust; he could hear the chaise creak lightly under their weight as Sunghoon continued to fuck him. It was as if the prince was pouring his every ounce of infatuation with the blonde back into him. He couldn’t complain because he would just give it back and reciprocate anyway.
“L-let me ride you,” Sunoo said, breaking the atmosphere of moaning and panting.
“Are you sure, love?” Sunghoon murmured, face buried in Sunoo’s nape, slowing his hips.
Sunoo nodded. He felt Sunghoon oblige, sliding out of Sunoo slowly. The advisor’s breath steadied as he guided the prince to lean back and rest his body on the couch.
Climbing onto Sunghoon’s lap, Sunoo hazily found his spot over his crotch, and when their cocks brushed against each other, they both groaned in tandem. As he lowered himself down Sunghoon’s erection, Sunoo’s name effortlessly rolled off the tongue, igniting a fervor within them. The girth of Sunghoon’s cock stretched the blonde in ways that felt mind-blowingly insane, drawing him in with each roll of his hips. It felt fucking amazing, this dance of gaining the lead and falling back into submission had a mesmerizing fluidity that hooked them in, the product of years of understanding one another through craving every inch of their bodies and minds. Tonight, they were one, fused in a dream-like state where everything was right and endless – their only semblance of pure joy in their complicated lives.
“L-love…I’m going to cum soon,” Sunghoon moaned, hands gripping Sunoo’s hips in a bruising hold.
Sunoo only maintained his pace, eager to pour out his devotion in every way. “Tell me–tell me how good it feels,” Sunoo panted, blonde strands sticking to his face from the perspiration.
The dark-haired man gasped out, fingers pressing even harder into Sunoo’s skin. “F-fuck….you feel so fucking good…love, you’re so fucking beautiful…you take my cock so well…” he murmured, through gritted teeth as he tried his hardest to hold back his climax to extend their moments.
“I love you, fuck, I love you, so much,” Sunghoon sighed out, eyes dark and red lips swollen with slick.
Sunoo nearly broke, chest swelling with so much fondness. He leaned forward and cupped the prince’s face, kissing Sunghoon like he’d been starving for his essence, in a drought for centuries. Sunghoon moaned into his mouth, mumbling “I love yous” over and over – and Sunoo returned them. “Sunghoon, I love you so much, I can’t live without you,” he whispered against his lips.
In a desperate need to give more, Sunoo leaned his body back, lifting his knees so that he could take Sunghoon in a new angle, the new view of Sunoo’s cock bumping uselessly on his abdomen with his hole sucking in every inch of Sunghoon’s length, insatiably. This made Sunghoon choke in a gasp from the picture in front of him, his lower lip plush and bruised from how hard he was biting down on it.
“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he choked out, eyes shutting and chin tilting back.
Sunoo coaxed him, urging him to cum hard, deep into him. At the sensation of warm semen filling him up, Sunoo orgasmed right after, white spurts painting his own chest from the position he was riding him in. They panted heavily, minds blurred in a shared haze. Sunghoon swallowed thickly, his raven hair curling around his face from the sweat that lined his skin. He looked so beautiful like this, undone and unbridled at the hands of his lover.
As always, Sunghoon gave him the sweetest after-care, gently wiping his body down from the release that half-dried across his stomach. “Let’s go to the washroom, get you cleaned up fully,” the prince whispered, pressing a kiss to Sunoo’s blonde hair.
“No, no…let’s stay here for a moment, please.”
The prince silently yielded, lying back down on the couch to let Sunoo drape his body over him once more. With a final heave, Sunoo slumped forward, head resting on Sunghoon’s bare chest in a relieved sigh. In the stillness of the night, they held each other close and took in the rhythm of their heartbeats, finding synchronicity. Sunghoon reached up to touch Sunoo’s temple, brushing away the hair and stroking the skin there softly.
Sunoo lifted his head to meet his lover’s eyes, feeling tears prickling his. It was strange to him that in every situation where he felt the most anxious about their future and what could come out of it, his heart stilled and found peace once he was in Sunghoon’s arms. Something would swell within him, like a melodic symphony begging to overtake his senses, to clear his mind – then in the eye of the fervent storm, he’d see him like some kind of salvation.
The blonde lost himself in the prince’s eyes, piercing into his soul and asking for the world – and Sunoo was willing to give it all to him without a question.
Sunghoon brought his hand to interlock his fingers with Sunoo’s; right then, the world didn’t exist around them, years of heartache coming to a head with each and every tryst. They were so used to living for what felt like an eternity in a lie they convinced themselves of – that they could accept things, forget about their entire history, and move on forever. It wasn’t feasible in any circumstance, and time only told of how true that was.
“Sunoo-yah…” Sunghoon mumbled, bringing Sunoo’s hand to his lips. “I love you so much. So much it hurts.”
Sunoo wondered if their love could ever exist without the presence of pain. Perhaps they were doomed from the beginning with this forbidden, melancholy love. Why must it hurt so bad to have a love that’s so pure and so large that resides out of reach?
“Park Sunghoon…I don’t know how you do it, but…you’re the air that I breathe,” Sunoo whispered, gripping his hand tightly.
“I love you.”
Sunghoon stepped out of the room, looking down the hallways to scan for any staff passing by. Once he deemed it clear, his fingers reached for Sunoo’s chin and pulled him in gently for a final kiss that night. Sunoo moaned softly into the union, breaking apart to cut it off. His cheeks tinged red as he gazed upon the prince, his face pained with reverence.
“I love you, Sunoo-yah,” Sunghoon whispered, before pressing a brief, soft kiss on the advisor’s knuckles.
“I love you too, Hoon.”
Sunoo let go, fingers dangling as they parted. Suddenly, the sound of a glass shattering startled them; Sunoo’s head whipped to the source of the noise.
Down the hallway, the remains of a porcelain carcass lay scattered on the carpet, spilled liquid dampening the fibers. A person stood frozen in place, hands trembling and face filled with restrained tension – it was Wonyoung, standing there with her lips parted in a quiet confusion. Sunoo’s fingertips began to tingle with dread.
“Your Royal Highness…” Sunoo whispered, his voice feeling tiny in the lofting space of the halls.
The prince was now paralyzed as well, unmoving from his position where he had just kissed Sunoo. Sunoo could almost hear all of their hearts pounding in a frenzy, each person stuck in time with the reality of the situation.
He could see the princess swallow thickly, shaking her head as she began to back up slowly.
“W-what is the meaning of this…yeobo…” she said, voice quivering.
Sunghoon stepped forward towards her, but his voice seemed caught in his throat. From where Sunoo stood, he could see how glassy her eyes were becoming, her nose turning red with a flush.
“Is this…w-wha…w-when did this start…” Wonyoung asked, her hands curled into fists.
“Your Highness-” Sunoo tried to begin, but the princess cut him off.
“Did this…begin during the tour? Y-you told me that nothing happened, Sunoo-ssi…you lied to me,” she said, voice reaching a painful tone. Wonyoung continued, thoughts unraveling into pleas for the truth.
“No…you always had eyes for Sunoo…I-I could see it…I could see it in the way you look at him, the way you speak to him…hah,” Wonyoung laughed weakly at her realizations. “I didn’t want to believe it was true…I just thought you two were this way because of your friendship…but little did I know that it was more than that. All those late nights recently...quietly making it back into the room after midnight and sleeping beside me as if you did nothing but work."
Sunoo was biting back tears now, knowing that they had finally reached the peak of this immoral, selfish affair; everything that they had hidden away for so long ultimately came into light.
“Yeobo, plea-” Sunghoon began, before Wonyoung retorted quickly.
“Don’t call me that. I was never truly your wife; you let me believe I was your partner, while your heart belonged to him.” Her voice became thin in an astonished whisper. “We have a son.”
Sunghoon breathed in heavily, feeling the weight of his choices. Wonyoung’s eyes drifted towards Sunoo, piercing and hurt.
“Your Highness…I am responsible for this…I fully apologize for what I’ve done to hurt you. I promise nothing happened during your marriage until recently…” Sunoo admitted, holding back the emotions that threatened to break through – it wasn’t his place to be the one crying when he was the other half of tearing apart a marriage.
Sunghoon cut him off, grabbing his wrist. “Sunoo-yah, stop – it wasn’t your fault. I…I urged you to give in.”
Wonyoung’s eyes became wide, blinking at Sunghoon’s admission. “Wha…”
The prince swallowed as he looked directly towards her, laying down his defenses. “I…I have always loved Sunoo…since we were young.”
Tears were now coming down the princess’s face; Sunoo felt fully responsible for this pain, wanting to curl up into himself from the guilt.
“When it began doesn’t matter. What you both have chosen to do has been done,” Wonyoung said as she turned to look back at her husband now, voice still shaky.
“I-I thought we had fallen in love over the years…what was all of this for…” she whispered. “Was it ever me at any point? Or have I only ever been consolation?”
Sunghoon looked down.
“It has always been him.”
The words echoed in the hallways, reaching every corner of their minds.
With that, Wonyoung covered her mouth and turned on her heel, walking away into the darkness. Stunned, the two remained still, minds still reeling from the confrontation. Sunoo quickly turned to Sunghoon, eyes finally becoming teary after her exit. “Hoon–”
Sunghoon reached forward, grasping Sunoo’s face with an expression of desperation, eyes scanning up and down like he was worried about the blonde disappearing right before him. Sunoo’s heart was in his throat now, numbness spreading over his senses like a blanket. He couldn’t see clearly now – despite knowing the risk of their covert affair, it still stung to be faced with what would happen if it was discovered.
“I’ll speak to her – I’ll explain everything…she deserves that,” Sunghoon said quietly.
Sunoo shook his head. “It’s only going to hurt her more, Hoon-”
“I owe her that, after providing her a life that was a lie.”
Sunghoon’s words cut through the air like a blade, the sheer weight of shame was now unbearable to hold – it was time to come clean.
Sunghoon led Sunoo to his quarters, parting ways with a final kiss. “I’ll be back for you,” the prince promised, before leaving in the darkness of the night. Sunoo stood frozen before his door in a flurry of emotions. Slowly, as each of his limbs thawed, he slipped the key into the keyhole and pressed the door open.
Just as Sunoo crossed the threshold, he looked up towards the direction of a lamp that was left on – only to be met with Heeseung sitting at his dining table, the glow of the light illuminating his stilled expression.
“H-Hee…you startled me, I didn’t know you’d be here.”
Heeseung nodded, pursing his lips. He didn’t say anything for a while, eyes flitting from Sunoo’s figure standing near the entrance and down to the floor in front of him. Finally, with a plain, curt tone, the older man spoke.
“When were you going to tell me?” he asked, filling the air with an acrid tinge.
He knows.
“H-how…” Sunoo stammered, voice coming out quietly.
Heeseung stood up from his chair, where he had sat, shaking his head. “I didn’t see anything, but I just knew. I had my suspicions,” he replied.
Sunoo hung his head, tears falling silently.
“When you said your heart belonged to someone else…I still thought I could have a chance to win you over somehow…but as we began dating, I watched you more closely because you were all I could think about.
“I saw the way you would look at the prince; he didn’t have to say anything to you, but he had you in a captivating hold even if you don’t want to admit it. That’s when I knew that I couldn’t compete with that, even though I still wasn’t completely sure who it was that you gave your heart to.”
Heeseung laughed weakly. “I really thought I could try, but…it was futile. I had made my guesses, and tonight, you confirmed it with your reaction,” he finished, voice hovering over a whisper.
Sunoo looked up, eyes teary. He tried to steady his voice, but it came out in a tremble. “I am so sorry, Heeseung…I do love you…”
“Just not in the way that you love the Royal Highness – and he loves you, too.”
Heeseung’s words hung in the air, still, yet poignant.
“But –” Heeseung began. “I understand why.”
There was a sense of empathy in his tone, an arm extending out to Sunoo in a quiet reassurance. It was so like Heeseung to be like this, even in a moment of hurt. It made Sunoo burst into more tears.
“I understand that you must have loved him for a long time…you don’t even have to tell me, but I can see it in the way you both look at each other – it’s a look of mutual infatuation, a deep-rooted love that cannot be shaken. I knew it was inevitable, knowing how much the prince meant to you,” Heeseung said.
“It’s true…I have loved him since the start; since we were just young children, we were just so young and naive. We didn’t know what could become of all of this…but here we are,” Sunoo replied, wiping the tears away from his cheeks.
Heeseung walked over, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and reaching up to Sunoo’s face, dabbing away the wetness carefully. The gentle touch made him cry more. How could he be so tender, even in the face of humiliation done by the one he trusted?
“Sun, I’m really sad at how this came out to be…I’m hurt, really hurt – and I’m angry too…but I can’t fully be upset with you, because I know how you feel.”
Sunoo looked up at Heeseung as he continued to gently wipe his face, his runny nose. “I…”
Heeseung looked at him with a woeful look in his eyes, his sharp gaze piercing through his soul. “I once loved someone that I couldn’t be with; I understand what you’re going through. I know what it’s like to fight through your deepest wishes to just accept and deny it all.” Heeseung was now crying too, a singular tear rolling down his face.
Sunoo reached up to try and wipe it away, but Heeseung shook his head. “It’s fine, I’m fine…” he mumbled.
“Sunoo…I was hurt for so long. I wanted Jaeyun to leave his wife-to-be…I felt so fucking selfish to want him just for myself when I knew it wasn’t possible.”
Heeseung laughed, tears choking up his voice. “I didn’t know what to do for so long, all these ten years filled with ‘what ifs’ and standing in the shadows, unable to see…” he said. “But then, I met you.
“You were a light in my life; the way you spoke, the way you laughed, and how you argued…I adored it all. I enjoyed listening to you tell me what you recently read, what ticked you off about the plot, and what could’ve been better. I fell in love with how you carried yourself, how you selflessly throw yourself into protecting everyone around you…the way you are so gentle with Junhyeon; you don’t know how magnetizing you are, Kim Sunoo.”
Sunoo swallowed hard. Heeseung was truly someone he loved dearly, because he could go on and on about how wonderful the man was…but in the end, he simply embodied the person and love that Sunoo should want, but…with all that Sunoo was, he could not.
Heeseung cupped Sunoo’s chin, rubbing his jawline softly. “I know you love the prince. I understand that now. I just wanted to believe…I just wanted to believe I could be enough for you.”
Nose burning and eyes feeling heavy with the inundation of tears, Sunoo covered his face with the back of his hand. “I-I’m so sorry, Heeseung…I shouldn’t have hurt you. I was selfish,” he said.
Heeseung leaned in to press a kiss to Sunoo’s forehead, an earnest and simple kiss that was a notion of acceptance. Before pulling back, Heeseung stayed close, reluctant to let go physically and emotionally.
“I will find a way to forgive you one day, Sunoo. I do love you so much, but it will be fine for me to love you from afar…as a supporter.”
He held Sunoo’s hand, feeling as though this was the final goodbye.
“Don’t keep me out of your life, okay?” Heeseung asked, looking into Sunoo’s teary gaze.
Sunoo nodded.
“Can…we hold each other…one last time?” Sunoo asked quietly.
A silence fell between them, one that wasn’t fully uncomfortable, but rather filled with a sense of uneasiness and sorrow. Fingers reached for Sunoo’s hand, gently leading him to the couch. They lay there not too long ago, in a quiet embrace as Heeseung reeled from the return of his first love. Now, they are hurt by the crushing reality of Sunoo and Sunghoon’s choices.
Heeseung was the one wrapping his arms around Sunoo this time, stroking blonde hair slowly and softly. Sunoo was still tearful, but he remained still and silent as he took in the sensation of Heeseung’s touch. His back leaned into the honey-blonde man’s chest, arms caging him in a soft embrace.
“I love you, Sunoo. I always will, but I know I have to let you go,” Heeseung whispered against his hair.
Holding back a sob, Sunoo gently reached his hands to touch Heeseung’s arms.
“I love you, too…”
They sat there on that couch, hugging each other until the evening waned away. Sunoo knew it would be the last time it would be like this, so he quietly savored the seconds as they fell away, further behind them.