Chapter Text
Karkat P.O.V.
Dirk explains just exactly how everything went down. He goes so far as to flat out tell me that there’s pieces he didn’t even explain to Jake out of knowing his boyfriend has a big mouth. Apparently I get the full and complete scoop with not a single detail omitted. The unabridged version if you will. He tells me about how Dave tried to call it off, and never really wanted to go along with the bet in the first place. He essentially told me that he knew that Dave wasn’t going to make a move without a little nudging, and that their cousin Rose is hardly ever wrong about matchmaking. I had a bit of a harder time believing that one for more personal reasons. I explained to Dirk how I don’t think there’s such a thing as “matchmakers” and that any two people can work out, but that it takes effort and commitment and a fuckton of trust to make it last. He agreed with me and tried to make a case for Dave and I having all of those things, and how this whole thing was just a miscommunication.
I appreciate that he agrees with me that Dave fucked up and should have told me about everything. But of course he points out that this bet or lack thereof happened well over six months ago, and that he’s seen how Dave has changed since then. That bit struck me as odd, but Dirk explained the kind of fuckboy Dave used to be versus how he was now with me, obviously more happy and stable than he’d ever been, etc, etc. I can’t say that I wasn’t flattered to have helped him change for the better, but I wasn’t ready to make amends until Dave approached me and gave me an apology. If not for the bet itself, at least for not telling me about it. I wanted a kind gesture and I wanted him to put himself back together first.
Talking to Dirk was weirdly like having a pseudo-therapy session? He was surprisingly rational about things and never made me feel like any of my concerns were invalid. It was sort of nice to have a mediator, but at the same time I recognized that I shouldn’t have needed one. It was pretty stubborn of me to not hear Dave out when he literally was begging me to. There was a lot that I needed to work on as well, and that Dave and I had to sort out.
“Fuck, and here I was moping around all fucking angry and miserable and he really did just need to explain. I’m such an asshole.”
“You both are. That’s probably part of why you’re so good together.” Dirk chuckles a little, seemingly fond. It makes him seem more smug than necessary.
“Yeah yeah. I get it, you’re in our fuckin corner. I guess I’m just so used to dating assholes that I let the thought get to me that he would be just like all of them were.” There was a heavy amount of guilt behind that statement, but I chose to bundle myself tighter in my comforter and be honest about it anyway. Shits not easy to talk about.
“That’s understandable. It’s okay to find yourself in ruts or patterns like that. I think what matters here is recognizing them and finding a better way to talk it out next time, rather than running straight to breaking up. Just a suggestion though, I’m not here to tell you how to cope.” I want to accuse him of sounding smug this time, but he doesn’t. He sounds like he’s trying to help, and I’m being called out on my bullshit that I don’t want to face. That’s really what’s happening here.
“No you’re right. Fuck you for being right though.” I grumble just a little before relenting. It’s time to stop being mad.
“That’s fair.” Dirk laughs at that.
“So what should I do?” I ask, not totally sure where to go from here.
“What do you want to do? I could very easily play the messenger and relay what we’ve talked about, but I get the feeling you want Dave to get his shit together all on his own.”
“Yeah … yeah that would be preferable actually.” I push my hair back and realize just how fucking gross it is. Apparently I’d also need to pick myself back up some. Starting with a shower for sure.
“That won’t be easy.” Dirk says, like he’s exhausted and very unexcited about the challenge ahead. I hadn’t considered that he’d have to do all this extra work. I would feel bad, but they’re brothers and I can only assume that’s what siblings are for? Probably? Being an only child doesn’t offer me a lot of perspective on the topic.
“Oh I know. Well, I can imagine at least. I don’t mind waiting a few days if that’s what it takes.”
“What exactly am I allowed to tell him? I have to have something to work with to get him up. He doesn’t respond all that well to the idea of taking care of himself so that he can figure out a way to make things right. He deems working and hygiene a waste of time and I’ve never felt more like I was living with a basement scientist in an 80s movie.” Dirk throws his head back over the arm of the couch. I just sort of brushed it off as ‘All Striders are dramatic’ and let it be.
“Yikes. Okay, well I wouldn’t tell him that you came to talk to me at all. He’d probably just accuse you of trying to solve his problems for him and nobody fucking needs that. Maybe just tell him that you have a hunch? That could be enough?” It’s not like I knew the exact extent of what Dave had been saying or doing this whole time. I had my own shit to deal with too.
“A hunch.” Dirk seems to mull over the concept.
“Yeah, how convincing can you be about that sort of shit? Should we pin it on Rose maybe?” I suggest.
“Nah. We don’t have to lie to him. He might believe me if I say I have a hunch that you were willing to talk to him again. Can’t promise he won’t try to just message you right away or grill me for more information, but I can assure him it’d be best to talk to you in person.”
“That sounds fine then.”
“If he asks for more information though?” Dirk tilts his head so he’s looking me in the eye over his shades.
“You saw me at the grocery store.” I blurt out, sort of using it as a catchall excuse. Dave might have picked up on that one, but even so, he had to know that there’d be a reason for keeping things quiet.
“Got it.” Dirk stands and stretches, signaling he’s about to leave soon.
“Might be smart to buy some actual groceries to back that up, and maybe to make sure he eats something more than takeout.” I bundle myself tighter in my blankets on the couch and grab the tv remote.
Dirk shoots me a finger gun as if to say “you’ve got a good point” and takes off after that. Mawkin finally comes out of the bedroom and curls up by me, purring his little heart out. We pull up Netflix and eventually pass out on the couch to the background noise of Pride and Prejudice.
Dirk P.O.V.
After a quick run to the store, I make my way back home. I grabbed a handful of comfort foods I‘d remembered us having a lot as kids in hopes that he would start to eat something other than mcdonalds and chinese. At the very least I was pretty sure I’d be able to get him to sip down one of the capri sun juices.
I walk through the door and find Jake sitting on the floor in the living room, chatting with Dave. The way he glances at me has a very “help me out of this” feel to it, but I can only do so much with two arms loaded up with plastic bags. Making my way into the kitchen, I take my time setting all the shit down and putting it away, just in case they needed time to wrap up whatever discussion had Jake looking like that. I’d relieve him from his post in a moment. For now, it was time so slap some pizza rolls in the microwave and get a Strider middle school lunch put together.
It takes all but two minutes of them being hot enough to smell before Dave notices and calls out from the living room.
“What did you get?” He yells from the couch.
“Get your lazy ass up and come find out, ace detective.” I call back with a shake of my head and a half smile.
“I know what it smells like ….” I hear the telltale sounds of him rolling off the back of the couch and landing with a groan. “But it couldn’t fucking be.”
Dave walks into the kitchen and I glance at the bag that I left on the counter in plain sight.
“MOTHERFUCKING TOTINOS?” He yells like an excited kid, which is to say just way too fucking loud for any kind of ‘inside voice’.
“Nice to see you somewhere other than the couch.” I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against the counter. “Hungry?”
“I’m always hungry for pizza rolls bro, you know that.”
“I do.” I nod in agreement right before the time goes off. I turn to open the microwave and Dave almost beats me to it, hovering over my shoulder. Jesus christ. Like a dog when it wants a treat, almost.
When he finally processes my response he squints at me. “Fucking clever, asshole.”
“You weren’t eating well, and this may not be much better but it’s at least cheaper.” I reason. It doesn’t matter though because Dave’s already snatching the first roll off the damn plate and popping it into his mouth regardless of how hot it is.
“You wanna sit at the table maybe? I’ve got some good news too.”
“Yeah?” Dave snatches the plate and hunches over it like some kind of pizza roll goblin before moving to the table. “What’s up then?”
“You can finally get off your ass and make a move.” I state it plainly, and naturally it goes right over his head.
“Haw haw, very funny. I think you achieved that with the pizza rolls.” He shovels another two in his mouth. As if I’d only just blinked, somehow half the plate is fucking gone already. Dude’s gonna have some digestion issues if he eats them all that fast.
“I mean towards making up with Karkat.” That gets him to stop for a second and actually chew his damn food. He gives me an extremely fake smile and fake laugh to accompany it.
“Dirk if you’re attempting standup, gotta tell you this set up better have a good punchline.” He wags his finger at me and shakes his head along with the sentiment.
“Nah. I’m serious. Ran into him at the store.” I made a mental note to confer with Jake over the cover story for my trip out this morning.
“Okay, and that makes you think he’s gonna listen to me or want to see me ever again? He went grocery shopping? That’s it?” Dave deadpans and runs a greasy hand through his even greasier hair.
“Obviously we had a conversation at the fucking store, Dave.” I roll my eyes at him from behind my shades.
“Well what did he say?” I can read him like a book and I know that he’s eager to know what went down, but he’s trying to tone it back to retain some semblance of self control.
“Can’t tell you.” I make a motion like I’m zipping my lips.
“What do you mean you can’t tell me?” Dave stuffs the final pizza roll in his mouth and squints at me. “You saw him at the store, had a whole conversation with him, and you can tell me about that but not what he said?”
“I can’t tell you what he said verbatim. I can tell you that you have a chance to fix this shit if you stop moping and get yourself together.”
He visibly perks up at that. Just the kick in the ass he needed. As the realization sinks in, I can see his expression change from excited to loathing just how badly he let himself go. He needs a shower, and a haircut, and at least another week's worth of full shifts to make up for what he missed. He knows it too.
“Bro …” He starts but I already know he’s going to apologize and ask for more help. I walk closer and rest a hand on his shoulder in understanding.
“Yeah man, we’ve got you. But you’ve gotta make a plan and do the heavy lifting yourself. All I can do is some of the cosmetic shit.”
“I figured.” He nods and fidgets with the pizza roll plate like he wants to get up and take care of it.
“Where do you want to start?” I ask, stepping back to make room for him to get up.
“Tomorrow?” Dave meets my eyes as he stands, and for a brief second I think he’s going to hug me. He doesn’t though.
“That’s a ‘when’, but fine.” I give him a small smile and head back towards my room. Jake joins me on the way and pinches my ass as his entire wordless greeting. It only then strikes me that we have unfinished business from earlier this morning, and suddenly I feel like running the rest of the way down the hall. I grab his hand and lace our fingers together and he brings our hands up to his lips to kiss my knuckles.
Dave must catch some piece of the interaction because he calls out from the kitchen “I’m just gonna take the rest of the totinos and go take a nap in my own bed.”
“No worries bro. Come back if you need to, you know where the spare key is.” I call back to him before disappearing into my room.
It takes no less than three seconds for Jake to spin me around, pin me to the back of the door, and start kissing me. Fuck. It’s so alluring when he’s eager and a bit aggressive like that. I really do have the hottest boyfriend on this godforsaken planet.
Dave P.O.V.
I did not want a single thing to do with that bullshit or hearing them dick the fuck down. Not exactly a nice evening activity for my depressed ass, newly motivated. Was I actually going to take a nap? Probably not. I haven’t been sleeping much at all except when I pass out from sobbing like a fucking child. Even then it’s only about three or four hours before I wake up again and continue to feel as miserable as before.
I get home and take some deep breaths as I look around. It’s not like Karkat left much of anything at my house really, it was more about the fact that usually if I was home in the middle of the day it was because he was here and we were both off work. It was sort of weird to spend time off at my own place these days. I bypass the kitchen and living area entirely and head straight to my bedroom. I may not be tired, but I at least want to lay on something more comfortable than Dirk’s couch if I’m going to mope and be lazy.
It’s hard not to be lost in my head right now so I don’t even try to fight it as I space out again. So, Karkat’s ready to work on shit? That didn’t take as long as I thought it would. Then again, I thought he would hate me forever since I really am that piece of shit that broke his trust in a major way. There’s no excuse for my bullshit, and really that extends so much further back than just my interactions with Karkat. I keep trying to explain shit away and all it does is make me feel less guilty for doing it. And even then, it’s only marginally less guilty. I still feel like shit for my garbage actions and I just keep letting it happen as if one day I’ll magically have grown up and learned how to be mature and responsible and all that. I’m such a fucking fool.
I know that looping that train of thought isn’t going to help me a whole lot but I can’t help it. I’ve got to get it out of my system so I can work on shit in a healthy way, right? That sounds like something that’s probably supposed to happen. I can never be sure, so I decide to pull up some youtube videos on how to handle your emotions or whatever. Even if they don’t fix shit entirely, it’ll help me feel a little more in control to be actively doing anything at all to make a change. Who knows, maybe I’ll find something revolutionary for me.
Maybe an hour or two later I finally get bored of watching mindful psychology youtube videos. I don’t particularly feel wiser, but I feel a little less depressed and that’s gotta count for something. I also recognize that if I want to make any fucking changes that I need to hold myself to it. That’s some shit I’d definitely been avoiding. I check the time and it’s about 7pm. Probably too late to get anything substantial done, but I could probably take a shower and clean up the apartment some. Maybe even get some ideas going for what I want to say to Karkat when I do finally get to approach him next.
I could handle this. Shit was going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to fuck up again now that I knew there was a chance in hell that I could make it right.
The next morning I actually went to work. I got a little bit of shit from the station manager about being gone so long, but I could tell it was mostly joke-y in his shitty old man sort of way. He also poked fun at my hair being a fucking mess, to which I just side-eyed our host who literally had like a foot of long curly messy hair. There was no reason to take their bullshit to heart today.
That being said though, I knew that I needed a haircut anyway, so I swung by a barber shop after my shift. I’d been letting it get shaggy for winter and it was just past time to get that shit cleaned up. I was starting to look like a Cobain wannabe. Afterwards I made my way to Dirk’s for dinner. When I got there, he immediately asked how my shift went, and was pleasantly surprised to hear that I got through it without even trying to leave or hiding in the bathroom to break down. I was pretty proud of myself for it too, so I was bragging just a little bit. The small achievements first, then we could get on with the big shit like making up for being a horse's ass.
Dinner goes well enough. Jake doesn’t seem to be home, which is weird to me if only because the whole time I was couch crashing he was here. So my brain wired him in as a permanent installment in Dirk’s apartment because of that. We chat a little about how shit’s going with them, and then about our next sets for Blow-Out. I hadn’t been thinking about our music in a hot minute because shit had been going so well that I wasn’t worried about changing up the set or making new mixes. The moment Dirk brought it up though I realized just how stale things were probably getting for the regulars, no matter how we spun that night.
We agree to work on some new mixes and show each other at the end of the week to see what sticks and what we’ll toss or revamp. It feels nice to get back into the swing of things and work on something more enjoyable. Honestly today’s felt better than pretty much all of last week.
“So what are you going to do to apologize?” Dirk asks, seemingly out of nowhere.
“You mean to Karkat?” I ask, tilting my head a little.
“No to me, obviously. Yes to Karkat.” Fucking Dirk and his sarcasm.
“I haven’t figured that part out just yet.” I admit. I’d been coming up with small ideas but nothing seems like it would matter to him or mean anything more than some cliche grand gesture. And while cliche romance is absolutely his ticket, I don’t want to try and bowl it over with some sappy crap he’s going to punch a hole through by pointing out that it’s nice but doesn’t mean anything to either of us. I want it to have significance. I just have to think harder on what I can do that’s gonna really show him I pay attention and care. Too bad we had our first kiss on a curb by a fucking dumpster.
“That’s fair. It’s only been a day. I just know you’re usually the idea guy so I figured I’d ask.” Dirk shrugs and keeps on eating.
“I just wanna do something that will be important to him, you know?” I sigh.
“I’m sure the apology and your explanation will be what’s important.” He raises an eyebrow at me.
“Well yeah, but I don’t wanna just apologize on the fucking sidewalk or something. You know me. It’s gotta be a grand gesture of some kind. I need to put in work and really show him just how sorry I am in a number of ways all at once.”
“Dave Strider, you really are the flashy gay of the family.” Dirk teases me and I frown.
“Shut the fuck up. I’m shit with words and I think we both know that by now. I want to do something nice for him that shows that I care since I’m probably gonna fuck up the apology.” I spin my fork in the pasta on my plate and stare at it. It’s easier than admitting my flaws with eye contact.
“And you’ve got nothing so far? What about your first date or something? Somewhere he’d been talking about wanting to go? A detail he holds close that you paid attention to?”
“Our first date was in a fucking Starbucks. The official first date was a shitty Vidar football game. Our first kiss was in the back alley of Blow-Out by the dumpster. None of those are exactly good places for making up in a big way. They’re both just a little too public and that dumpster is rank.”
“Wow. You’re really good at romance, huh?” Dirk pokes fun at me yet again. His tone reminds me of the ‘why’s that guy so good at bowling’ vine and I can’t help but smile.
“Would you fuckin, be serious here?” I try, and end up laughing a little anyway. “I really do need to come up with something better though. Something romantic for him but not like, movie cliché to the point he’d think I was acting something out for him.”
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but my boyfriend and I find wrestling and hiking to be romantic activities so I’m probably the last person you should ask for cliché advice.”
“I know. That’s why I just need to keep thinking on it.” I finally stopped twirling the pasta and took a bite instead. I should probably eat the majority of what’s on my plate at the very least.
“Let me know if you need any help with setting up whatever you decide on. Since I sort of instigated the initial offense, I’m happy to help you mend it.” Dirk offers.
I just nod and dinner carries on relatively calm after that. We watch an action movie and have ice cream on the couch, before I head back to my place to get some decent rest for work tomorrow again.
All in all it’s a pretty fucking nice night and for the first time in a while, I sleep like a baby for a full eight hours.