Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

Well here goes another fucking day at what’s probably the best job in the whole world, or at least the best one that I could get. I work at this place called “Hit the Deck” where I’m literally paid to be rude to the customers. Obviously not a difficult job since most of them are complete and total idiots, and I can hardly ever refrain from cussing even when talking to people I genuinely like and tolerate. My shift today was a fucking 8am to 5pm though because we’re always short staffed. Not many people can handle the customers being rude back to them. So they snap and either quit or get their asses fired. Nevertheless I’ve been working there for about two years now. Not so much because I need the money, and more the fact that most other places wouldn’t be willing to hire me. But who cares, this job is better because I can actually be myself at work here. Well that and my boss, Meenah, has a huge crush on me so if I asked for a raise or day off or anything really, she’d probably just give it to me. Not saying that I’d use her or anything but if I needed something I know she’d be more than ready to help me out. On top of that, she’s fun to hang out with. But she’s not really my type and she knows that since I’ve told her at least 20 times. So it’s not my fault if she still harbors affections for me and gives me special treatment. Nothing I can do about her being batshit crazy, obsessive, and lovesick over someone who just doesn’t bat for her team.

Anyway, I went through my morning routine same as always. Get up. Partially tame my hair so it’s the right amount of messy. Throw on a button up shirt (the red one was my victim today), dress slacks, shoes, and a belt. Then head out the door. The drive to work was as short as always and I wound up being early once more. I got there as Meenah was unlocking the doors actually, which made me check my clock with a fair amount of concern. It was seriously six fucking thirty a.m.? A whole hour and a half early? And then it dawned on me. Fucking daylight savings time. I set my alarm and didn’t set my clock back an hour. I was officially pissed off for the day. What a good way to get my fire started this morning. “Well fuck.” I mumbled to myself. “Might as well help her set up since I’m here.” I then proceeded to get out of my car, accidentally slam the door, and make my way over to my boss.

“Mornin Kitkat, you come in early just to see lil ol me?” Her sharp toothed grin made me want to fucking cringe right now. But it was too late to turn around and just go back home for an hour.

“No. I forgot to set my fucking clock.” I quipped, walking past her and right on inside. She followed me of course.  

“You’re clownin me right? I reminded you like five hundred times yestaday.”

“Well I clearly didn’t get the fucking message like the goddamn earless bunghole muncher that I am.”

“Clam it Kat. No worries. ‘S cool that you’re here early anyways. Leijon called out today so I needed an opener.”

“Why do you still call her that? You know Nep’s been married to Equius for like a year now.”

“Old habits die hard.” She shrugged and disappeared into the back to go lock her purse away in the office. I turned on all the lights and quickly went to re-lock the doors so no customers would try to come in half an hour before we’re officially opened. Because fuck them if they think I’m going to be doing any more extra work for their early asses.

I’m going to skip over the majority of the morning now because honestly nothing interesting ever happens at that place before noon. To summarize: I set up. Meenah bugged the shit out of me the whole time and barely helped. Our hostess Vriska showed up, towing along our chef Tavros because his car’s been shitty lately. Not long after that all the other servers for the day came in; Sollux, Terezi, and Gamzee. We opened. Had a slow breakfast as usual since we were more of a Lunch/Dinner establishment. Then things started to pick up. Averaging at about eight tables per server filled at a time by noon. That’s when shit got interesting.

I was doing just fine with all my tables, usual, routine even. A few returning customers and regulars. Nothing special yet. Then Vris just had to fucking do me in. I already had at least two more tables than all the other servers when she decided to put these two blonde motherfuckers in my section, which left mine filled now. This was not gonna fucking happen today.

“Vris, not to be fucking rude or anything,” I scoffed. “But do you have to put these asshats here? There’s plenty of other sections that aren’t filled beyond comfortable capacity.”

“Sorry. No can do Karks. These boys asked for the rudest guy in the house and that’s obviously you. Especially today since you’ve clearly got a stick up your ass. Or I guess a lack of a stick up your ass, since you’d like that sort of thing.” She placed her clawed- i mean manicured- hand on my shoulder and I quickly batted it away with a sneer.

“Oh fucking bite me, ugh…. Fine, whatever. But you fucking owe me, spiderbitch. I’ll be back in a damn minute to get to you guys, but until then keep your asses put.”

“Yes sir.” The shorter blonde said, smirking and faking a salute. Oh jesus fucking fuck this was going to be a headache. As I walked away I heard the guy and his friend snickering about his antics. Maybe not friend, maybe brothers? They looked fucking similar, ok.

I then tried to get Gamzee to take that table since his section was right next to mine and he already had two less filled than I did. Plus he owed me a solid anyway. But his fucking juggalo ass just laughed at me, slapped my shoulder, and gave me a “Sorry brother, that’s not my motherfucking section.” Well. I was completely and totally booked. Time to work my ass off.

In an attempt to piss the blonds off and make them leave, I went to every single one of my other tables before I even bothered to come back around and give them their menus. “You two are still fucking here?” I quipped, sneering almost because I really didn’t like them at the moment.

“Well you told us to keep our asses put. Just following orders, sir.” The same shorter blonde smirked again. Smartass clearly.

“What are you? A child? You don’t have to fucking listen to me, I’m not your dad.”

“Aw really? I was so looking forward to calling you daddy .” I couldn’t help but stop dead in my tracks and blush for a second. This guy was really flirting with me? What the fuck? Was he really paying that close attention to the gay jab Vris gave me earlier? Fuck it, whatever, back to being rude to him. He's just a regular customer after all. 

“J-just shut the fuck up and order something already.” Smooth. Real smooth. Oh great. He’s grinning like he just won a prize or some shit. His friend/brother just sitting there, eyebrows raised and watching the whole thing in amusement.

“Alright, alright. You can just call me daddy instead then, no worries baby boy.” And that is when all the blood in my body went to my face and … other places just a little. I had to make this PG 13 again at the very least.

“Nope. No. Fuck no. You’re going to call me Karkat, because that’s my fucking name. And I’ll call you fuckface unless you want to tell me your name. Deal?”

“Shit, well that’s no fun. But if you insist, name’s Dave and this is my brother Dirk.” And with that ‘Dave’ tipped down his sunglasses and fucking winked at me. I decided then that I would do everything in my power to keep this asshole from getting to me even with those marvelous eyes that were- were they like a chocolate brown? It was too quick for me to catch the color clearly but they were really nice.

“Stupid question, but, why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses inside? Both of you? If those even count as sunglasses.” I asked, pointing to the triangle shades.

“Light sensitivity and style.” Dirk shrugged.

“Okay, well …. On that note, what the fuck are you guys gonna order? I do have other tables y’know.”

“Calm down tiny Satan. Do you have apple juice?” Dave asked, having not even touched the menu yet.

“I don’t know, Dave, why don’t you pick up the fucking menu and look under the section labeled ‘Drinks’ and tell me if we have any fucking apple juice? Also tiny Satan? Really?”

“Shit, Kitkat, calm down. It’s just a joke since you’re such a hot-head like the devil.” He picked up the menu in front of him and started scanning it with a hint of a smirk. I already hated this guy.

“It’s Karkat, you asswipe. We’re not friends, don’t fucking make up nicknames for me. And you asked to be seated with the rudest server so you shouldn’t be surprised that I’m hot-headed and fucking rude like ‘Satan’, as if he even exists.” I scoffed.

“I’ll take an orange soda.” Dirk chimed in.

“Thank you for being the least difficult prick here. Orange soda, simple. And you? Or do you need to re-learn how to read?”

“Oh fuck, yes.”

“I fucking thought so-” I rolled my eyes.

“Spiked apple cider. Bring me two of those shits.” He was practically bouncing in his seat.

“I need to see your I.D. then, idiot.” Dave mocked me in a high pitched voice as he pulled out a photo I.D. from his wallet and handed it over. “There’s no fucking way you’re twenty-four. You look like a goddamn highschooler.”

“Well it’s legit. So If I could get that back before you drool all over it, that’d be great. And bring me that cider too.” He left his hand out expectantly. I tossed the card back at him and it landed on the table. I then turned and just walked the fuck away because I had other tables to get to and this shit was getting ridiculous.

I put the drink orders in, went around to deliver shit to my other tables and check on them, and then brought the blonde pricks their drinks. Dave immediately, and wordlessly, slid his drink closer to himself and drank it like he hadn’t drank anything in a fucking month.

“Holy motherfucking shit that’s good. Kitkat, you really delivered on this shit. Thank you Satan.” He swooned, never looking away from his glass.

“..... You really are in love with that shit, aren’t you? Oh, and I didn’t fucking make it. The bartender did.”

“I want a whole gallon of this shit to take home.”

“Well fucking thankfully, we don’t sell gallons of alcohol. Are you dipshits ready to order food yet or should I come back later when Dave isn’t making out with his glass?” Dirk chuckled under his breath at that and for a brief moment I felt some small victory.

“I am not- … whatever. Yeah, we’re ready to order.” Dave muttered. He picked up his menu and pointed to something while sipping his drink defensively.

“Oh, so you can’t actually read? You literally have to point at things. Oh my god. That’s fucking adorable.” I busted up laughing at that point.

“I can fucking read. This apple cider is just that fucking perfect that I don’t want to stop drinking it, you asswipe.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll put in the order for it if you can actually tell me what it is.”

“Dude, really? What if you had a deaf person come in here?”

“We have a couple guys that knows ASL, they’d be seated in one of their sections, not mine. Now just tell me what the fuck you want.”

“I’ll take the katsu burger.” Dirk chimed in.

“Again, thank you for not being as much of a dick as your brother. Did you want seasoned fries or regular, fuckface?”

“Seasoned is fine.”

“Ok, and now for the big baby, just tell me what the fuck you want.”

“What’s the spiciest thing that you’ve got here anyway?” Dave asked, now scanning the menu as if he was just seeing it for the first time. I hated it when customers did that shit and said they were ready when they really weren’t.

“I don’t fucking know, probably anything that says jalapeno in the title or in the description, dumbass.”  I snarked.

“C’mon Hades, that can’t be the spiciest you’ve got. Jalapenos? Really? That’s some mild shit for you to serve here in hell. I’m looking for fire.” I groaned and he scanned the menu for another few seconds before smirking with a grin that made me wonder if I should be afraid of what he was about to say. So before he could say anything I jumped in.

“Find something you want yet? You’re not the only douches I have to serve tonight. We’re very fucking busy.”

“Oh, I know what I want now, dear Lucifer.” He waggled his eyebrows and I was totally fucking lost on whatever he was trying to say.

“Ok, are you going to tell me or just keep staring at me like a fucking idiot?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I want that Devil’s Dick sausage dinner. Make sure it’s extra juicy too.” He winked at me for the second time that night and I literally almost stormed right the fuck out of there. This was NOT happening. I refused to be swooned by that idiot. But apparently my cheeks had other ideas since they were getting hot and probably looked red as fuck.

“I- What- Did you really just make that fucking joke? That was lame as hell.” I tried to cover.

“If it was so fucking lame then why are you blushing like a schoolgirl? Huh, kitkat?”

“I’m not. It’s just fucking warm in here…..” Nobody was going to buy that shit, even I knew it. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Ok so, one Devil’s Dick and one katsu burger. I’ll have that out whenever the fuck it’s ready. Need any more drinks in the meantime?”

“I could use another cider, darlin’.” Came the southern twang from Dave’s lips. I normally hated southern accents but on this asshole it was somehow attractive. Fuck him and his ability to fuck with my brain.

My first task was to drop off another cider at their table so that I could avoid them for a bit after that. However, it didn’t take long for me to make my rounds, close a few checks, and get back to them. It appeared that Dave was two ciders tipsy and just starting on the third. This could only get better or worse for me. Before I could set food down or say anything I got verbally slapped by the asshole.

“Yo karks, wasssup my boi, I need about three more ciders up in this bitch and you need to sit your fine ass down and share this dick with me.” He was slurring just a little and it instantly clicked that he was either a lightweight or he at least had some liquid courage in his system. I stopped at the edge of the table, plates in hand, and just looked at him for a moment.

“Nope. You’re getting cut off for a while. I can bring you virgin ciders but your ass is not getting any more apple vodka unless you sober up some. Also i’m fucking working, dumbass. I can’t just stop and fucking sit down with you because you suggested it.” I set the plates down in front of them and turned around only to nearly come nose to nose with Meenah.

“Actually, ya can. Your shift is just about over Karks. I got Cro to come in and cover the later shift since Leijon called out and you took her spot for me. Indulge these fine fellas and clam down some. I’ll take care-a your tables for a few.” Meenah said with a shit eating grin on her face. Why did things like this always happen to me. She slapped me on the shoulder, turned me around, pulled the string on my apron and made off with it before I could even protest. “See ya tomorrow kiddo.” Then she fucking winked at me and shooed me towards the blondes. I flipped her off behind my back. What the actual fuck was going on? As she disappeared, I heard a whooping from a voice that could only have been Serket’s. What kind of deal did she have with these blonde assholes that left me at their mercy?

“So it looks like you’ve totally got the time to sit your ass down and share this dick with me. Also,your boss is chill as fuck.” Dave grinned.

“I am NOT eating that. I don’t do spicy shit. But …..I’m gonna go grab a drink and get us a free appetizer I guess.” I sighed and  spun on my heel to go get some things from the kitchen. Apparently I was having lunch with these two dickheads.

I made my way into the back and passed Vriska on the way so I sneered at her. Then when I walked through the door to the back of house I found Meenah and Gamzee laughing their asses off about something that was apparently the funniest joke of the century.

“What’s so fucking funny?” I sneered. “Also what the hell was that about? I don’t want to sit with those two fucking pricks! But now i’m fucking forced to? What the shit Meenah.”

“Karkles, honey, you’ll thank me later for this. Trust me.”

“I will fucking not. And you’re giving them a free appetizer. And I get to keep whatever tips my tables leave, not you and certainly not Cronus.”

“Done and done.” She stared at me a moment. “Kat. You’re fine. I talked with them a little while you were making your rounds and willing away your blush. They’re shella chill. I think it’d be good for you to try this out. And if it doesn’t go well ya could at least make a frond outside of work.”

“What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?” I snapped. That’s when Gamzee butted in.

“Motherfucker, chill. Get your calm on bro. All she’s sayin is that it might help to all up an broaden your circle of buds. We’re still best bros, yeah? And as your best bro I went an chatted with them too. Blondie’s got a motherfuckin thing for you, a good kinda thing, an it could go somewhere if you just hang with him a while. He seems like your type. I would know since I’m your motherfuckin best friend.”

“Gamzee? What the fuck? You too? Don’t I get a say in any of this? Also what the hell exactly is ‘my type’ to you?”

“You an I both know you got a motherfuckin thing for twig boys, or whatever ya call ‘em.” Gamzee chuckled after the comment. I mentally slapped myself for ever talking to him about that sort of thing.

“Now get your homo-sexy ass back out there and take a chill pill.” Meenah encouraged.

“Ok but I’m not giving him my number. Cause if this shit doesn’t go well then I never want to see his ugly ass again and he’s going on the block list for the restaurant. I’m not here to make friends. Got it?”

“Sure, Karks. Whatever ya say.” Meenah smirked, walking away and probably rolling her eyes like she usually does.

I grumbled and grabbed a sampler platter on my way out. Then I grabbed a drink from the bar, Roxy already knowing what I wanted as soon as she saw me walking her way and having it ready for me. I went back to the cursed Booth of Blonde, ready to have my ears assaulted with stupid. Again, I was surprised instead.

“So, you didn’t just slip out the back? Dirk, you owe me $20.”

“You seriously fucking bet on whether or not I’d come back?” I sighed. “Maybe I should have just left when I had the chance.” I grumbled.

“Hey hey, no thinking like that. You’re gonna have a grand ol time hanging out with us Striders.” Dave said smoothly, his slurring mostly gone. So he’d faked being drunk to cause attention. Awesome. That’s probably why Meenah overheard that conversation. Sly little bastard.

“Striders? Is that like an idiotic secret group name or some fuckery?” I asked, eyebrow raised skeptically while I grabbed my drink.

Dirk chuckled. “As simultaneously cool and lame as that would be, no. It’s our last name, as you probably might’ve seen from I.D.-ing my bro here.”

“You’re fucking joking right? Like hell I’d pay that much attention to the names of my customers.”

“Chill bro. You’re off the clock. No need to be so defensive and wound up.” Dirk said, sounding actually concerned.

“Off the clock or not, I’m always like this. Why do you think they put you in my section? I’m the rudest asshole because it comes naturally. I don’t have to put on an act to work here.” I sneered, a little proud actually that I was considered the best server by the restaurant's standards.

“Well Dave, you really know how to pick ‘em.” The seemingly older blonde smirked. Dave seemed to give no response.

“Ohmygod, just shut the fuck up and eat your Katsu.” The two exchanged a glance but I had no clue what it meant. “You can tell me to leave whenever you want by the way. I’d be more than happy to get the fuck out of here if you get sick of me.”

“Dude, that was transparent as hell. Also, if you didn’t want to be here then you wouldn’t be. You’re a grown ass adult. No one is forcing you to stay here, despite what your boss says. So you must wanna chill with us at least on some level.” Dave pointed out. I was starting to learn that I didn’t like it when he was right.

“Fine. Yeah. So I guess we all sit around and play 20 questions now until we’re too drunk to remember the others answers?”

“Well we already know where you work so that’s a question out. We both DJ at a club downtown. Sometimes as a team and sometimes as solos.”

“Let me get this straight, you’ve been raised together all your life and you had such bad separation anxiety that you decided you needed to work together?”

“Nah man. We just had similar interests and we made some sick beats together at this party so we got hired together. The rest is sorta history. Also we weren’t raised together.” Something about the way he said that last bit told me not to press the issue for more details. Dave was doing all the talking now. Dirk becoming more invisible in my peripheral.

“Please tell me at least one of you has a fucking day job because that shit cannot pay all your bills.”

“That’s pretty true. I’ve got a nice gig down at the radio station playing pre-approved tracks all day and basically being a disc-jockey.”

“So music then. That’s probably your calling or some shit, isn’t it?” I mentally slapped myself for practically pulling a line out of one of my guilty pleasure rom-com movies and tossing in a curse word to make it my own.

“Yeah, pretty much. It’s what I’ve always enjoyed and been good at.” He started to smile what seemed like a genuine smile.

Dirk coughed a little and brought my attention back to him. That’s when I realized I’d scooted fairly close to Dave and had been facing him. Also that we’d been ignoring our food and that Dirk was practically done with his. “Are you two done enough with your stereotypical first date chit-chat to eat your food? Dave, you know damn well I’m not going to pay for your shit if you don’t even fucking touch it.” He glared at the both of us and I had no idea how to fucking react. What do you do when your not-a-date-customer’s brother calls out said not-a-date-customer in front of you?

“Shit sorry bro. Didn’t mean to leave you out. No worries, I’ll make sure to polish this off if it means I get it for free.” Dave conceded. A slightly awkward silence settled over the table after that, so I resorted to picking up my drink and downing it. Maybe getting a little bit of a buzz would help me come up with a way to stop being so fucking awkward.

“Sure.” Dirk got up a second later, slapped some bills on the table, and started to walk off mumbling something about having a call to make.

“I .. uh. Did I get you in trouble or something there? What the fuck just happened?” I asked, confused by Dirk’s attitude.

“Nah. He’s just gonna go call his buddy Jake. Does it all the time. Don’t think too much into it. They’re usually on the phone for hours at a time.” Dave shook his head, taking another bite of the spicy dick sausage.

“So you said you don’t like spicy shit huh?” He changed the subject.

“I’ve got more of a sweet tooth and an acid tongue. Or so I’ve been told.” I admitted.

“So even sugar can’t make you any sweeter, huh?” He snickered.

“Not in my fucking experience at least.” I wanted to play along. For whatever reason I felt drawn in. Then I remembered how this all started. “So do you usually use crude humor to flirt with random waiters at restaurants or is it just me?”

“Don’t get me wrong I love crude humor. But the flirting doesn’t happen often. And hardly ever this successfully, if you don’t mind me saying. That is assuming that I can be bold enough to ask for your number and you swooned enough to release those digits to me; ultimately giving me permission to contact you again and maybe go on a real date where you’re not at work and I’m not with my bro.” Dave seemed hopeful and as I thought about never seeing the jerk again I found myself getting out a pen and grabbing a napkin.

“Don’t take this as an o.k. to call me at ungodly hours of the fucking night or assume that it’s a guaranteed date. It’s not. I’d just like to hang out sometime, maybe when I’m not in prissy ass work clothes and socially obligated to stay longer than I intended to. I don't date strangers and I won't be making exceptions to that rule now.” I sighed and held onto the napkin, waiting for his response before I handed that shit over.

“Dude yeah. Of course. I’m not a desperate little girl or anything. Bro code standard. I won’t call or text for at least three days. Promise.”

“Alright, Strider. Then I’m fucking trusting you here. Also I don’t give a fuck about your bro code standard. Text whenever and I’ll get back to you when I can. Can’t say the same for calls though, so don’t clog my goddamn voicemail if you can manage not to. “ I handed the napkin over to him and got up without a word.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

It was going to just be another regular day off from work at the station. Which meant I was going to sit around and do absolutely nothing until it was time to go throw down some sick beats with my bro on one of our duet nights. I flipped through the channels on the tv but honestly nothing was catching my attention, per usual. Every single thing to watch anymore had the same basic tropes, regardless of the genre. I finally found the will to get the hell up off of the couch and go shower and get dressed like a fully functional adult. An hour later I found myself back on the couch however, scrolling through social media on my phone and just waiting for something interesting to happen.

To my luck, something interesting happened.

My bro shot me a text asking if I was at the station today or not and if I wanted to go get food before our gig tonight.

TT: Broseph, please tell me that you are just as bored and starving as I am and not at work right now.

TG: affirmative

TT: Thank fuck. English still hasn’t been answering me and it’s driving me literally so far up the metaphorical wall that I may have in the process constructed the universe’s tallest fucking building just to have more wall to climb. I need something to distract me from all that shit and, quite frankly, throwing myself into my side projects just is not doing the trick.

TG: so you’re saying i'm a good distraction

TG: i have never been more honored in my life than i am right now

TG: knowing that when all else fails then you turn to me because i am simply the greatest non-romantic distraction in your life

TG: what are little brothers for

TT: Are you done?

TG: yeah

TG: where did you wanna meet up this time

TT: Well I wasn’t in the mood for being excessively polite today so I found this place where the staff is supposed to be rude? Same place that Rose and Kanaya went last week when they started raving about that waiter who’s, and I quote “totally made for you, Dave”. I thought that might be right up your alley since you love to piss people off.

TG: ok

TG: first of all, rude

TG: i do not love to piss people off

TG: i just like the reactions they give when they’re pissed off

TG: regardless of who pisses them off

TG: so piss off

TG: piss

TT: Was there a second of all coming along with that or should I assume that’s all there was to that spiel?

TG: second of all

TG: the place sounds great

TG: what time do you wanna meet up

TT: Three sound good?

TG: dude

TG: thats like a forever from now

TG: I’m offended

TG: i’ve been lied to

TG: you clearly aren’t as starving as you claimed to be

TT: Dave. Have you checked the time recently?

TG: no

TG: . . . . . . . . .

TG: oh.

TT: Yeah, it’s fucking 2:10 already.

TG: ssssshhhhhh

TG: this didn’t happen

TG: I am very aware of time and my surroundings

TG: obviously

TG: since i am a responsible adult

TT: Yeah, you’re a responsible adult and I’m not on again off again with my best friend/boyfriend. Now we’re both liars.

TT: Just be ready by 2:45 I’ll pick you up on the way.

TG: it’s a date ;)

TT: No. Stop.

Aaand just like that I had plans. Now the only thing I had to figure out from there is what to do with the half hour I had to wait until those plans could be put into action. I decided to sketch out some designs for the next tattoo I wanted to get. A man had to have hobbies, right? And when you can get discounted tattoos because your cousin is goddamn amazing with ink, why not?

In what felt like 10 minutes later I had a few little designs scattered across the page. Some of them were little birds because I happened to be good at drawing them so they frequented my sketches. Some of my other designs included various skulls of random animals, varying from realistic to sugar skull styles. I jumped a little when my phone went off again, only to realize it had been a full half hour and not just 10 minutes. Dirk was apparently outside and waiting on me. I tossed my sketchbook down on the coffee table, slipped my shoes on, grabbed my keys,wallet, etc. and headed out.

The drive was short and the place looked nice enough. “Hit the Deck” was plastered across the front of the building in a loopy but legible cursive. I wondered if they specialized in seafood but figured that it wouldn’t matter much either way. As we walked in Dirk’s phone pinged with a text from Rose. He glanced at it before dismissing it. I looked at him with the silent message of ‘what did she say’. He blatantly ignored me and walked up to the hostess. She had long navy hair and a deep blue lipstick to match.

“Sup bitches. Just the two of you?” She asked, looking over her seating chart. Before I could even speak Dirk slipped her a bill (how much I didn’t know) and whispered something to her. She nodded and started to laugh some. “Alright boys, follow me. I know exactly where to put you.”

By this point I was very confused but I followed her and Dirk nonetheless. Before we could actually get seated we were stopped by a server in a deep red shirt with ear-length shaggy black hair. Not gonna lie, the dude was hot.

“Vris, not to be fucking rude or anything, but do you have to put these asshats here? There’s plenty of other sections that aren’t filled beyond comfortable capacity.” He sneered, apparently not happy that we were going to be in ‘his section’.

Our hostess handled it ever so perfectly though. “Sorry. No can do Karks. These boys asked for the rudest guy in the house and that’s obviously you. Especially today since you’ve clearly got a stick up your ass. Or I guess a lack of a stick up your ass, since you’d like that sort of thing.” I was doing my best not to laugh at that but it was too fucking priceless. I wound up grinning and snickering, trying to keep my cool and not get slapped.

“Oh fucking bite me, ugh…. Fine, whatever. But you fucking owe me, spiderbitch. I’ll be back in a damn minute to get to you guys, but until then keep your asses put.” The guy snapped.

“Yes sir.” I saluted him in a mocking sort of way and kept grinning/snickering. Today was going to be so much fucking fun. I sat down and subconsciously stared at our waiter as he walked away. Damn did he have a nice ass.

Dirk cleared his throat and brought my attention back to him. I looked at him with a mental ‘what’. He verbally responded with “So Rose texted.”

“Yeah, ok. What did she want?”

“Exactly this.” he smirked.

“Not sure what you’re getting at here.”

“She had me bribe the hostess to get that server.”

“What? Are you joking? Is this related to her thinking that she can predict my soulmate and shit? That’s a bunch of crap dude and we both know it. Rose may be smart but she can’t predict the future. Nor can she tell me who would be my type and who wouldn’t be.”

“Well to be fair, you were staring.”

“No I wasn’t.” I defended a little too quickly. He gave me a look that called my bluff and I rolled my eyes behind my shades. We sat in silence for another moment before realizing the place really was kinda slammed and it might be a while before the waiter came back.

“So, ….. Wanna make a bet?” Dirk asked me flatly.

“What’s the bet?”

“You’ve gotta flirt with this guy. Every time you drop a line that works, I owe you five bucks, every time you drop one that doesn’t you owe me. If you get him blushing I’ll give you ten bucks. If he smacks you or flat out rejects you, you owe me ten. Sound fair?”

“Dude really? That is NOT gonna go over well if-”

“If what? If you wind up dating? David Strider, I thought you said he wasn’t your type?” He teased, leaning forward in his seat with his fingers tented like a goddamn douche.

“He’s not. But- …. shit. Ok…. You’re an asshole and Rose might be onto something. He is kinda hot. But I don’t wanna flirt with people based on a bet. That could get ugly real fast down the line and you know it.”

“Ok. Fine. I see your point. So how about this: If you manage to get his number and two dates with him, the bet is off and all funds will be returned. Deal?”

“Man I don’t know….”

“Fine, I’ll take mercy on you with this one. We’ll keep a tally and if you manage to just get his number then nobody pays anything to each other. Sound better?”

“Much.”

“Deal?”

“Not quite.”

“What is it now?”

“If I get his number, not only is that bet off, but you have to invite Jake to the club tonight.”

“Fine. Whatever. Deal.”

And we fist bumped to seal the deal.

I checked my phone for a moment and then put it away, deciding it would be best to start thinking up some useful lines.

“You two are still fucking here?” Came the voice of the waiter as he approached us once more, this time with menus.

I grinned wide. “Well you told us to keep our asses put. Just following orders, sir.”

“What are you? A child? You don’t have to fucking listen to me, I’m not your dad.” And just like that my brain took the opportunity presented.

“Aw really? I was so looking forward to calling you daddy .” I smirked this time, full out. That definitely threw him off track and I could’ve swore I saw the faintest tint of a blush on his cheeks. Damn, kinky waiter boy is cute when he’s flustered.

“J-just shut the fuck up and order something already.” He stammered. I glanced at Dirk and he was raising his brows at me, apparently either impressed or stunned by the fact that I had indeed just said that with full confidence.

“Alright, alright. You can just call me daddy instead then, no worries baby boy.” And damn did that make his cheeks light the fuck up with red.

“Nope. No. Fuck no. You’re going to call me Karkat, because that’s my fucking name. And I’ll call you fuckface unless you want to tell me your name. Deal?”

“Shit, well that’s no fun. But if you insist, name’s Dave and this is my brother Dirk.” I went ahead and tipped my frames down and winked at him, just for effect. He didn’t seem to react to that much other than just flat out staring for a minute.

“Stupid question, but, why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses inside? Both of you? If those even count as sunglasses.” That was not at all what I was expecting kitkat to say.

“Light sensitivity and style.” Dirk shrugged, saving me from having to answer.

“Okay, well …. On that note, what the fuck are you guys gonna order? I do have other tables y’know.” He huffed, putting a hand on his hip like an impatient middle aged woman. Y’know like if that woman was kinda hot in a weird annoying way. Like Stacy’s Mom or some shit.You know, from that Fountains of Wayne song.  

“Calm down tiny Satan. Do you have apple juice?” I asked, already knowing what I wanted without needing to look at the menu.

“I don’t know, Dave, why don’t you pick up the fucking menu and look under the section labeled ‘Drinks’ and tell me if we have any fucking apple juice? Also tiny Satan? Really?” Stacy's mom was sassy apparently.

“Shit, Kitkat, calm down. It’s just a joke since you’re such a hot-head like the devil.” I gave in and checked the stupid menu since he clearly wasn’t going to be cooperating with me and my aj request. I kept smirking though because it was fun to have nearly everything I say get under his skin someway or another.

“It’s Karkat, you asswipe. We’re not friends, don’t fucking make up nicknames for me. And you asked to be seated with the rudest server so you shouldn’t be surprised that I’m hot-headed and fucking rude, like ‘Satan’, as if he even exists.”

“I’ll take an orange soda.” Dirk chimed in, once again saving the situation from any more weirdness or whatever.

“Thank you for being the least difficult prick here. Orange soda, simple. And you? Or do you need to re-learn how to read?” Of course right when he asked had to be when I hit the jackpot.

“Oh fuck, yes.” Oh fucking hell motherfucking fuck yes. I was beyond elated. They had the fucking good shit.

“I fucking thought so-” He started before I cut him off. Because fuck him for thinking that was my response to whatever he’d been asking me.

“Spiked apple cider. Bring me two of those shits.” Today was definitely going to be a good day with that shit. Good thing Dirk had already agreed to be the driver.

“I need to see your I.D. then, idiot.” How dare he. I decided to mock him in a high pitched voice as I had to wiggle around to reach my wallet in my back pocket. I then handed him the stupid I.D. card.  “There’s no fucking way you’re twenty-four. You look like a goddamn highschooler.” Fuck, thanks for the complement. Did you really think some underaged idiot would flirt with your ass?

“Well it’s legit. So If I could get that back before you drool all over it, that’d be great. And bring me that cider too.” I quipped, leaving my hand out to recieve my card back. Then the prick fucking threw it straight at my face and walked away.

Dirk and I exchanged a look and I put my shit back in my pockets.

“What?” I asked when it became apparent that he was staring at me.

“I’ve learned more about you and your kinks today than I ever wanted to know, dude.” He seemed a little annoyed and maybe a little weirded out, but mostly unfazed by whatever it was.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“All that ‘daddy’ shit. Bro. Come on.”

“Ok, in my defense, it was a convenient line to pull right then.”

“Are you trying to say that it isn’t a direct reflection on what you’re genuinely into in that context? That it was just the first thing on your mind somehow by miraculous coincidence and not because that is in fact one of your kinks? Because you know you’re a shit liar, right?”

“............. We are not going to talk about this right now.”

“How about we don’t talk about it ever? Cause I really don’t want to talk about your daddy issues with Broderick.”

“I don't-” I started to defend before I was cut off. Some other guy had wandered up to our table in a deep purple shirt. He honestly looked like one of the guys from Kiss without the make up.

“What’s up motherfuckers?” The guy crooned, voice raspy as all hell.

“Sup.” I responded casually.

“Y’all are all up an motherfuckin in for a treat today since y’all got put in my damn best friend’s section.”

“Best friend? You mean Kitkat?”

“Whoa, I never even thought a fuckin callin him that. Haha you are one fuckin miraculous motherfucker.” The guy seemed to be on more drugs than Britney Spears.

“Uh, thanks.”

“So what do you all up an think of my favorite lil motherfucker so far?”

I shrugged some. “I dunno. He’s chill I guess. Easy to agitate and it’s fuckin hilarious when he gets really into the argument only to get cornered. Dude’s a goddamn riot. He’s like a toddler and an anger management patient all rolled up into one hella uptight adult with a lack of a stick up his ass when he wants one there, or some shit.”

“Yeah, that’s him alright. Always wanting shit all up his ass and shit. Well I’ve got some bullshit to take care of and some ASSWIPES to attend to.” He yelled, apparently trying to antagonize his own table from here. Then he walked away as if nothing had happened. Dirk gave me a look that screamed ‘who the fuck was that and why was he talking to us.’ and honestly, I was thinking the same thing. It wasn’t long before redshirt mcshorty came back from wherever the fuck he’d been.

Karkat set our respective drinks on the table and I immediately honed in on it, sliding it over to myself and guzzling that golden perfection. “Holy motherfucking shit that’s good. Kitkat, you really delivered on this shit. Thank you Satan.” I stated while staring down into the glass.

“..... You really are in love with that shit, aren’t you? Oh, and I didn’t fucking make it. The bartender did.” He started to point in the direction of the bar, but I refused to follow the line of sight. Too busy drinking heaven in a cup.

“I want a whole gallon of this shit to take home.”

“Well fucking thankfully, we don’t sell gallons of alcohol. Are you dipshits ready to order food yet or should I come back later when Dave isn’t making out with his glass?” Dirk snickered at that and I shot him a glare. Apparently the tables had turned on me somehow.

“I am not- … whatever. Yeah, we’re ready to order.” I picked up the menu and pointed at some random thing while sipping my drink because suddenly I wasn’t in the mood to open my mouth and be the punchline of a joke. Call me childish, but I didn’t like it when I was cornered.

“Oh, so you can’t actually read? You literally have to point at things. Oh my god. That’s fucking adorable.” He busted up laughing and my mood only soured.

“I can fucking read. This apple cider is just that fucking perfect that I don’t want to stop drinking it, you asswipe.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll put in the order for it if you can actually tell me what it is.”

“Dude, really? What if you had a deaf person come in here?”

“We have a couple guys that knows ASL, they’d be seated in one of their sections, not mine. Now just tell me what the fuck you want.” Shit. Cornered.

“I’ll take the katsu burger.” Dirk chimed in, clearly amused by all this bull-fuckery happening right in front of him.

“Again, thank you for not being as much of a dick as your brother. Did you want seasoned fries or regular, fuckface?”

“Seasoned is fine.”

“Ok, and now for the big baby, just tell me what the fuck you want.”

“What’s the spiciest thing that you’ve got here anyway?” I asked, looking over the menu and actually reading the names of things for the first time since we’d been here.

“I don’t fucking know, probably anything that says jalapeno in the title or in the description, dumbass.” He seemed pretty done with me by now. I would probably be going home without any digits tonight.

“C’mon Hades, that can’t be the spiciest you’ve got. Jalapenos? Really? That’s some mild shit for you to serve here in hell. I’m looking for fire.” Our waiter sighed angrily and I kept scanning, trying to hurry. I spotted the perfect thing to flip the tables again, another goddamn gold pun. I grinned wide and looked up at him, making direct eye contact.

“Find something you want yet? You’re not the only douches I have to serve tonight. We’re very fucking busy.”

“Oh, I know what I want now, dear Lucifer.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him, and if he knew shit about his menu he probably had a good idea of where this was going.

“Ok, are you going to tell me or just keep staring at me like a fucking idiot?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I want that Devil’s Dick sausage dinner. Make sure it’s extra juicy too.” I winked at him again and did my best to keep the sly grin on my face without cracking up at my own wit. He was blushing too so apparently I’d done something right here.

“I- What- Did you really just make that fucking joke? That was lame as hell.”

“If it was so fucking lame then why are you blushing like a schoolgirl? Huh, kitkat?” I countered, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not. It’s just fucking warm in here…..”  It was clear even he wasn’t buying that crap. “Ok so, one Devil’s Dick and one katsu burger. I’ll have that out whenever the fuck it’s ready. Need any more drinks in the meantime?” Wow, the dude was being actually nice, like a regular server. Did I throw him off that much? Probably. Was I enjoying every minute of it? Definitely.

“I could use another cider, darlin’.” I let my accent slip some, eying him again. He disappeared after that and came back almost immediately with another cider and not a damn thing to say.

“Dude, if you keep this up and don’t get this guy’s number I am going to owe you so much fucking money.” Dirk sighed before sipping from his soda again. Apparently he’d been serious about keeping a mental tally on the points.

“That sounds like something that isn’t my problem. What can I say, I’m a natural.” I rolled my eyes at him, just a little bit smug, and kept drinking my cider. I wasn’t exactly a heavyweight but I wasn’t a lightweight either. So I was starting to fall somewhere between full alertness and a tad bit tipsy.

That’s when some chick came around to our table out of nowhere, go figure. “Sup guppies, name’s Meenah. I own the place. How ya doin? Staff treatin’ you right? Bein’ mean enough an everyfin? I’m sure. So, is it ya first time here boys?” She asked, bypassing our answers for almost everything she’d asked.

“Uh, yeah. But we have some friends who’ve been here before.” Dirk jumped in and explained.

“Nice. Nice to know people listen when ya say ‘tell ya friends about us’. Hah. So anyways, lemme know if you need anyfin. I’ll be around a course.” She said before waving her pink nails at us and turning to sashay away. I looked at Dirk who was watching the owner walk away. As soon as she was out of earshot he refocused on me.

“Ok quick, another bet on top of this, double the cash if it works and I’ll even pay the goddamn bill tonight.”

“I’m listening.”

“You’ve gotta pretend to be totally fucking wasted and manage to get Karkat to sit down with us. He doesn’t have to eat anything or do anything else. Just sit. And you can’t forcibly drag him either.”

“And if I don’t manage all that?”

“We’ll probably get kicked out…..and/or you’ll have to pay the bill.”

I thought it over for a moment before shrugging in agreement. “Alright, sounds fair.”

We fist bumped on the deal again and waited a few more moments before I spotted Karkat heading out the door with what looked like our food. As soon as I was sure he was headed to our table I put on my best fake-drunk-act that I could muster.

“Yo karks, wasssup my boi, I need about three more ciders up in this bitch and you need to sit your fine ass down and share this dick with me.” I hollered. He stopped at the table and stared me down for a hot minute.

“Nope. You’re getting cut off for a while. I can bring you virgin ciders but your ass is not getting any more apple vodka unless you sober up some. Also i’m fucking working, dumbass. I can’t just stop and fucking sit down with you because you suggested it.” He seethed. My inner conscious was rolling it’s eyes with a ‘gee thanks bro. Not only have i sacrificed my chances of getting a date, but now I can’t get any more booze.’ Then just when I thought it was all over, the powers that be sent me some mercy.

“Actually, ya can. Your shift is just about over Karks. I got Cro to come in and cover the later shift since Leijon called out and you took her spot for me. Indulge these fine fellas and clam down some. I’ll take care-a your tables for a few.” Said the restaurant owner who seemed to totally pop out of nowhere just like before. Then she spun our waiter around and pulled off his apron. “See ya tomorrow kiddo.” There was a whooping from the hostess who seated us and I swear Karkat looked like he was about to fucking explode.

“So it looks like you’ve totally got the time to sit your ass down and share this dick with me. Also,your boss is chill as fuck.” I beamed.

“I am NOT eating that. I don’t do spicy shit. But …..I’m gonna go grab a drink and get us a free appetizer I guess.” Then he left.

“I’ll bet you an even $20 he slipped the fuck out the back and ditched us because we’ve caused him so much bullshit tonight.” Dirk said as soon as he was gone.

“Dude, really? What’s with the gambler’s gambit tonight. You got a habit you’re trying to break or something?”

“Nah, just seeing how much cash we can ring up on this imaginary count just in case you don’t get this guy’s number.”

“Are you short on a bill or something? Jesus H. Christ. Chill man.”

“Nah, I’m just hoping to take English on a nice date soon to make up for whatever it is that I did that made him stop responding to my idiot ass.”

“Makes sense. O.K. I’m in.” And so we waited.

And when that glorious ass interrupted my thoughts once again, setting down a platter and a drink right next to me, I fucking beamed at him.

“So, you didn’t just slip out the back? Dirk, you owe me $20.”

“You seriously fucking bet on whether or not I’d come back? Maybe I should have just left when I had the chance.” He mumbled.

“Hey hey, no thinking like that. You’re gonna have a grand ol time hanging out with us Striders.” I said, trying not to show how fucking elated I was that there was still hope for this bet and my chances of winning it.

“Striders? Is that like an idiotic secret group name or some fuckery?” He went to sip his drink.

“As simultaneously cool and lame as that would be, no. It’s our last name, as you probably might’ve seen from I.D.-ing my bro here.” Dirk chimed in.

“You’re fucking joking right? Like hell I’d pay that much attention to the names of my customers.”

“Chill bro. You’re off the clock. No need to be so defensive and wound up.” Dirk chided him. To any normal person he would’ve sounded genuine, but I could detect that nuance of sarcasm there.

“Off the clock or not, I’m always like this. Why do you think they put you in my section? I’m the rudest asshole because it comes naturally. I don’t have to put on an act to work here.”

“Well Dave, you really know how to pick ‘em.” Dirk smirked. I glared at him.

“Ohmygod, just shut the fuck up and eat your Katsu.” Karkat seethed, essentially saying what I was thinking. There was a moment of silence across the table. “You can tell me to leave whenever you want by the way. I’d be more than happy to get the fuck out of here if you get sick of me.”

“Dude, that was transparent as hell. Also, if you didn’t want to be here then you wouldn’t be. You’re a grown ass adult. No one is forcing you to stay here, despite what your boss says. So you must wanna chill with us at least on some level.” I noted, at least trying to make conversation.

“Fine. Yeah. So I guess we all sit around and play 20 questions now until we’re too drunk to remember the others answers?”

“Well we already know where you work so that’s a question out. We both DJ at a club downtown. Sometimes as a team and sometimes as solos.” My mouth was apparently on auto-share mode.

“Let me get this straight, you’ve been raised together all your life and you had such bad separation anxiety that you decided you needed to work together?”

“Nah man. We just had similar interests and we made some sick beats together at this party so we got hired together. The rest is sorta history. Also we weren’t raised together.” And thankfully my mouth shut itself before anything else slipped out and shit got tense.

“Please tell me at least one of you has a fucking day job because that shit cannot pay all your bills.” He turned towards me.

“That’s pretty true. I’ve got a nice gig down at the radio station playing pre-approved tracks all day and basically being a disc-jockey.” I inched a little closer to him subconsciously.  

“So music then. That’s probably your calling or some shit, isn’t it?” He scooted closer too.

“Yeah, pretty much. It’s what I’ve always enjoyed and been good at.”  It was so easy to slip into decent casual conversation it was almost ridiculous. I’d compare the feeling to an old pair of sneakers that you misplaced and then found years later and put on again, only to find they still fit perfectly. That kind of nice.

Dirk cleared his throat in the most fake and obnoxious way possible to grab our attentions.  “Are you two done enough with your stereotypical first date chit-chat to eat your food? Dave, you know damn well I’m not going to pay for your shit if you don’t even fucking touch it.” I was going to kill him when we got home. That shit was going so fucking well and he just had to ruin it. For fucks sake if he hadn’t interrupted I could’ve probably had my arm around the guy within another five minutes. Had to pull it together though and play nice.

“Shit sorry bro. Didn’t mean to leave you out. No worries, I’ll make sure to polish this off if it means I get it for free.” I pretended like I hadn’t the slightest idea that he was going to be paying for the meal, when in fact, the last bet declared that he would be. Shit got silent and my bro stared me down.

“Sure.” Dirk got up a second later, slapped some bills on the table, and started to walk off mumbling something about having a call to make. Probably to Jake since he knew I was about to win this shit and all bets would be off except the one where English had to come to our set tonight.

“I .. uh. Did I get you in trouble or something there? What the fuck just happened?” Karkat asked, chewing his lip some in the cutest fucking way possible. Was this man even real?

“Nah. He’s just gonna go call his buddy Jake. Does it all the time. Don’t think too much into it. They’re usually on the phone for hours at a time.” I cut a piece of the sausage off and holy shit was that some good devil dick. “So you said you don’t like spicy shit huh?”

“I’ve got more of a sweet tooth and an acid tongue. Or so I’ve been told.”

“So even sugar can’t make you any sweeter, huh?” I snickered.

“Not in my fucking experience at least.” Another second of silence. “So do you usually use crude humor to flirt with random waiters at restaurants or is it just me?”

“Don’t get me wrong I love crude humor. But the flirting doesn’t happen often. And hardly ever this successfully, if you don’t mind me saying. That is assuming that I can be bold enough to ask for your number and you swooned enough to release those digits to me; ultimately giving me permission to contact you again and maybe go on a real date where you’re not at work and I’m not with my bro.” Jesus Christ I was really laying all my cards on the table here. This was fucking it. He started moving around and for a second I thought he was getting his shit and leaving. But he pulled out a pen and grabbed a napkin.

“Don’t take this as an o.k. to call me at ungodly hours of the fucking night or assume that it’s a guaranteed date. It’s not. I’d just like to hang out sometime, maybe when I’m not in prissy ass work clothes and socially obligated to stay longer than I intended to. I don't date strangers and I won't be making exceptions to that rule now.” He held onto the napkin and I tried not to focus on it too much like a kid who wanted candy or a dog who wanted a treat.

“Dude yeah. Of course. I’m not a desperate little girl or anything. Bro code standard. I won’t call or text for at least three days. Promise.” Good lord this was actually happening.

“Alright, Strider. Then I’m fucking trusting you here. Also I don’t give a fuck about your bro code standard. Text whenever and I’ll get back to you when I can. Can’t say the same for calls though, so don’t clog my goddamn voicemail if you can manage not to.” He handed me the napkin and got up from his seat. I didn’t let him take a damn step though.

“And where do you think you’re going? You’re not driving after drinking and like hell I’d be able to finish all this food by myself. Sit your ass down kitkat and settle in for a while. We’re not even close to being done here.” I demanded, trying not to be a douche by keeping the playful tone to my voice. I hoped to high hell I didn’t just ruin it for myself.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V. (again)

“And where do you think you’re going? You’re not driving after drinking and like hell I’d be able to finish all this food by myself. Sit your ass down kitkat and settle in for a while. We’re not even close to being done here.” I paused for a moment. Normally there was no way in hell that anyone was going to get away with talking to me like that, but for some reason in that moment it didn’t bother me as much.

“And if I don’t?” I asked, turning on my heel and smirking at him. Essentially I was giving him a hard time about it.

“Then, well. I mean. I guess, nothing. You’ve got your own free will and I’d be a real dick if I forced you to stick around. But it’d be really awesome if you did stay.” He seemed embarrassed in the slightest but I liked his phrasing. Smart boy.

“Respectful. Good answer. Alright, I’ll hang out for a while longer. It’s not like I’ve got anywhere to fucking be.” I sighed, sitting right back down.

“Thanks. And uh, sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s fine. We’re on the same page now, right?”

“Definitely.” And he seemed just as relieved as I was.

“Good. So, your turn to ask me. We’ve still got like 15 questions to go or some shit.” I teased.

“Right. Um, What do you like to do for fun?”

“Not much, if I’m honest. I’m always too goddamn busy with work. But I do like movies and books. I used to try and fuck around with programming computers, but I was so god awful at it. I’m sure there’s other shit I’d like to do but I never have the time.” I conceded, being painfully obvious.

“That’s a damn shame to have a list that short. We should expand it some time.”

“Alright Mr. Life-of-the-party. What do you like to do for fun then?”

“Well let’s see. I already told you about the Dj-ing and being a hella rad disc jockey. I also draw from time to time. I can skateboard, and it’s usually how I get around when my bro isn’t nice enough to drive me places. Because fuck cars and their expensive ass auto-market. I like making fucking hilariously shitty comics and posting them on the internet. I’ve got a pretty decent singing voice and do karaoke when drunk enough. There’s probably more but none I can think of off the top of my head.”

“I concede, that is a goddamn litany of a list.”

“Alright, my turn again then.” He picked up his cider and drank some more before asking. “What is your favorite color?”

“....I don’t have one.”

“What do you mean you don’t have one? Everyone has a favorite color.”

“Not me.” I shrugged.

“Dude. Really? Here, just. If you had to pick a color to wear what’s your go-to color?”

“Black, probably. It matches with literally fucking everything.”

“Christ that’s so fucking practical.”

“And? Is there something wrong with practical?” I asked, turning a little more towards him and raising an eyebrow.

“No. Shit. I just mean like. Dude everyone has a favorite color.”

“I just don’t care to think about simple shit like that. Colors are just colors, it’s not that fucking important to pick a favorite in my opinion.”

“Ok, well mine’s red, just for future reference. Can I ask a new question since that one tanked?” He was like half done with his food now.

“No. That’s not how the goddamn game works. It’s my turn.” I said while reaching for a fried shrimp from the sampler platter and dipping it in some ranch.

“Alright then. Ask away.”

I thought it over while I finished chewing. “Hm, alright. What’s your favorite type of music?”

“You did not just ask an aspiring musician what type of music is their favorite. Do you know what the fuck kind of ramble you are going to start right now? Strap in for the long haul boys, we’re going to be here all night.”

“Just give me a fucking answer, asshole.” I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“Ok, alright. Let me break it down into categories for you. And this literally might take a while. As far as music that I like to produce, currently we’re on a pretty legit setlist of dance/edm with the occasional dubstep. I like remixing indie songs and pop songs and my bro throws some shit in there that mashes pretty well from his preferences. It’s like if you take the movie pitch perfect, take out all the acapella shit, change the movie lead to a dude and literally stop watching about thirty minutes in. Basically it’s a dude with hella skills to find songs that pair well together. That’s my bro in a nutshell and he’s super fucking great at creating good setlists. He gets the tech shit and synching beats, basically all the beforehand planning. But as far as performing it, he’s not that spontaneous. That’s where I come in. In the moment of the song I can improv like no other and it usually goes so goddamn well that no one could tell it’s improv. They think it’s like a recorded mix or some shit. It’s fucking amazing. I’d invite you to come check it out sometime, but it’s totally up to you and I totally don’t want to make you feel obligated or anything.” He took a pause to take a sip from his cider again. “Then as far as music I like to listen to, that varies. Pretty much anything but country music, rap, and jazz. I also am not a huge fan of classical but it’s essentially the building blocks for all modern music so I can’t judge much there. To go into detail, some bands I’m into right now include but of course aren’t limited to: The White Stripes, Daft Punk, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, The Chainsmokers, Coldplay, Anarbor, and Watsky. That’s just the recent stuff. Most of it is trending right now anyway so it shouldn’t all be completely foreign if you have a working radio and tune in to the pop stations. And that’s pretty much my music tastes in a summary.”

“A summary? If that was a summary then you could write a fucking book just on your own personal music interests. Holy shit.” I mentally noted to bring up topics that would get him rambling. It was so fucking nice to hear someone talk about something they’re really passionate about. And the way he got into his shit was honestly kind of attractive. But this was still definitely not a date.

“Well I could go on, but I really don’t want to bore you with exact details and a comprehensive list of every single band that I enjoy. That might take us a literal week.” He said, giving what could only be described as a lazy grin. “So what kind of beats do you listen to?”

“Most of the same stuff as you honestly. I uh, don’t really know how to describe my fucking music taste. Unless my friends telling me I only listen to slow depressing shit counts? I dunno. I like upbeat music but sometimes it’s just too fucking loud or the beat is just too goddamn fast for me to really get into it.”

“Slow jams, not bad, not bad. Mind giving me a top ten list of your favorite bands at the moment? Or just as many as you can think of if ten is hard to come by.” Dave propped his elbow on the table and held his jaw in his hand. You know, that pose that teenagers do when they’re bored. But the way he turned towards me when he did it showed his interest more than it did boredom. I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through my artists to see if I could come up with something.

“Hmm, ok. Cigarettes after Sex, Halsey, um Florence and the Machine, …. In Love with a Ghost, Gorillaz,..... Imaginary Future, Galimatias and Alina Baraz. Stuff like that, if you know any of it.” I looked up at the blonde and put my phone away. He seemed to be nodding in approval.

“Like I said, not bad. I was expecting some Amy Winehouse or Alanis Morissette shit to be quite honest. So all in all, an improvement upon expectation.”

“Thanks.” I decided to finish off my own drink now for the sake of cooling my awkwardness. Because holy fuck did I not know how to make normal conversation. Fuck if I knew anything about being social outside of work or the internet or the small group of friends I’d made at work. Maybe my douche co-workers were onto something when they suggested I expand my friend circle.

“Your turn to ask a question.” Dave mused, clearly catching me zoning out for a second.

“Oh, right. Fuck... So what exactly is your sexuality anyway? Like gay, bi or pan or something?”

“Jumping right to serious questions I see.” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“No. Fuck. It’s not fucking like that. I just wanted to know because you were the one hitting on me. I don’t want to go around assuming shit.” I waved my hands as if it would help convey what I was trying to say here, though obviously it wasn’t much help.

“Chill kitkat. I was just yanking your chain. I just don’t usually put a label to it. Or if I do, I just use ‘queer’ or ‘gay’ since they’re basically umbrella terms. I know what the rest mean, I just don’t feel like explaining them to other people.”

“Well as someone who knows what the fuck the actual terms mean, you don’t have to use umbrella terms with me. You could just give me an answer instead of being a goddamn cryptid about it.”

“That’s true. I guess technically it’d fall somewhere in the pansexual range? I have a slight preference for men but I’ve had crushes on women before too. So it’s kinda whatever. As long as I like the person and they like me I don’t really care what they’ve got downstairs.” The gleam in his eye when he fucking said that was like a scene in a movie. How charming he made it sound. “What about you?” He countered, pulling me out of my thought.

“I’m literally just fucking gay. Girls never really got my attention or got me going. I tried it once, just because literally fucking everyone was saying shit like you never know until you try both. So I did. It didn’t go well. We’re still friends but it was a weird point in my life. Moral of the story is that I like guys and I should fucking stick to what I know without having to try just out of peer pressure.”

“Good to know that my chances just got a little higher.” He grinned.I elbowed him in the arm for that comment.
“I’m not fucking easy you asswipe. I still have to like you enough to want to fucking date you. Don’t blow your chances before you even get an actual fucking date.”

“Oh? So this far I haven’t been blowing it. Even more good news.” Dave chuckled, his smile throwing me off for a second because it was so natural and relaxed and fucking attractive. My cheeks heated a little at the sight of someone smiling like that at me. That shit never happened. That shit wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to me at least.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. This is pretty nice.” I grumbled. “Don’t take that the wrong way either. It’s not a fucking invitation for you to keep being a smartass.”

“I don’t need an invitation to be a smartass, it’s in my blood.”
I stared at him for a second in silence, trying to comprehend the level of stupidity this conversation had stooped to. “Who’s fucking turn is it to ask a question now anyway?”

“I have no goddamn clue to be completely honest. But we’ve practically finished all our food in the process. So if you’ve got places to be, you can totally head out now…. Or we can keep hanging here until Dirk is off the phone. It’s totally up to you.”

“Well I think I’m still just a little bit too fucking buzzed to drive completely safely so let’s give it another half hour before we let me drive my ass anywhere.”

“Cool. So you wanna stay here or maybe split and walk around some? There’s still some daylight left being it’s only …” Dave went to check his invisible wrist watch only to find it’s fuckin invisible. So he pulled out his phone instead. “It’s only like 5.”

“So the sun is currently setting? It’s fucking fall Dave. The sun fucking sets literally around 5 pm.”

“Shush it’ll be fine. It won’t be pitch black out for another hour at the very least.”

“You really wanna go walking around town with me while I’m dressed up like a goddamn rich prick who lost his suit jacket?” I raised an eyebrow at him skeptically.

“Dude. I don’t care what you’re wearing. I’m more than happy to be seen in public with a guy like you. Don’t give yourself so little credit.” Another compliment from someone who I never expected a compliment from. I was starting to actually think that maybe he genuinely liked me.

“What about your check? Isn’t your brother, who’s outside right now, supposed to cover this shit?” It may have seemed like I was stalling. Probably because I was. Don’t ask me why though.

“Oh shit, that’s right. Well he did leave some cash on the table.” Dave picked up the bills and counted it out. “How much was the check?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know? Meenah made off with my apron and all of its contents.”

“Shit. Ok. You go get the check from her and I’ll sort it out for his lazy ass.”

I nodded and went to chase down my manager, wherever the fuck she wound up. I found her counting out the tips from my apron in her office.

“What the actual fuck are you even doing?”

“Sup karks. Just observin’ how well the people like you. Considerin’ givin you employee of the month for this shit. How in the halibut do ya rack up almost $400 in tips in just one day?”

“I’m good at what I do? I don’t fucking know. It pays the bills and that’s all I’m concerned about. So could you be a nice person and exchange it for larger bills that I can actually fit in my pocket? Or at least give me my apron back so I can carry all this shit in it?” Lazy motherfucker. She tossed my my empty apron and left the task of putting everything back up to me. I sighed and simply started shoving it all in there willy nilly.

“You’re so adorabubble when you’re pissed. Ya know that?”

“So like all the time?” I asked, rolling my eyes for probably the millionth time that day. “Also where the fuck are all the checks that I still needed to pass back to my tables?”

“I gave ‘em to Cro a course. He is takin over those tables for ya, y’know. He needs ta know what the fuck he’s handlin.”

“Oh my fucking gods. So you mean I have to go hunt down his annoying ass in order to get Dave’s check?” I groaned.

“So his name is Dave eh? Woulda guessed somethin a lil classier but it’s still fittin somehow.”

“Can we talk about how fitting his name is at another time? Where the fuck is the check for his table? Do I need to go clock back in just to reprint it?”

“Clam it Kat. I may or may not have it in here cause i knew you’d come lookin for it and aint nobody wanna deal with Cro while he’s workin. Dude’s impossible while on the clock.” She beamed, looking like she was just so fucking proud of herself. Like she really pulled the wool over my eyes on this one. As if it was so fucking obvious somehow. She was such a fucking weird manager.

“Ok. Can I have it then?”

“Fine. But if y’all are leavin together you know I wanna hear all the dirty details next time I see ya.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” I huffed. She handed me the ticket and I was out of there faster than I’d ever been, coat in hand and everything. In retrospect I have no fucking clue why I was rushing though. I went back to the table and dropped the slip of paper face down in front of Dave.

“Alright, what’s the damage?” He said while lifting the paper slightly so only he could see it. He stared at it for a long moment, seeming confused.

“Again, do you not know how to fucking read? Even numbers? Is something not adding up here, asswipe?”

“Uh, yeah. How the fuck is the check 0?”

“What?” I asked, sitting back down next to him so I could get a good look at it. It did in fact say that the check was already paid for. At the bottom of the receipt was a little stamp of a clamshell that could only mean that Meenah paid for it. Their whole fucking dinner was on the house? What kind of bullshit was going on around here? Since when did she ever do that shit? I groaned and buried my head in my arms on the table as I remembered the last time she did this shit. “My manager fucking paid your bill.”

“Seriously? That’s hella sweet of her. Shit. I wish I worked here if she’s that fucking nice.” Dave beamed.

“She’s not that fucking nice. Trust me. You’ll probably wind up owing her something.”

“Dude. Isn’t that like fucking illegal or something? To give someone free food in exchange for a favor?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that she did the same thing the last time a customer had an interest in me. Then when I found out he only wanted to hook up and practically tried to force me into it, she fucking hunted him down. I don’t exactly know what she did. All I know is that he’s banned from the place and that she told me she ‘got her money back’ from him.”

“Karkat what kind of mafia boss are you fucking working for?” He finished off his cider and set the glass to the side.

“Fuck if I know. As long as I get paid I don’t care what she does. I can’t get in trouble as long as I claim my tips for taxes.” I shrugged.

“Ok, well um. Speaking of, I guess we should tip you since we didn’t have to cover the bill.” He started thumbing through the bills he had in his hand.

“You really don’t have to do that.” God this was going to be awkward. How do you go about accepting a tip from someone in this situation? Is that even allowed? It shouldn’t be. It felt weird.

“Shush. You were our server for the majority of the night. You still get a tip.” He tried to hand me a $20 and I refused, keeping my hands as far away as possible from the offered cash.

“Your bill wasn’t near high enough to warrant that much of a goddamn tip, keep it.”

“Ok, well looking at the total here and suggested tips by percentage, you at least earned a $10 tip. So just take it dude.”

“I’m not going to take your fucking money, asswipe. Keep it.”

“Are you really going to be this fucking difficult?” Dave sighed.

“Yes.” I deadpanned. Absolutely serious about this. He moved like he was going to get up so I went ahead and scooted out of the booth so that he could.

“Ok. Fine. At least let me buy you coffee this week or something? I need to feel like we’re even somehow.” He lead me out of the building, of course not without some of my coworkers hollering or whistling in our direction. Bunch of fucking stupid pigs.

“I don’t drink coffee.” It should have been a simple statement, but apparently it was the most shocking thing in the world.

“You what?” His eyes seemed much more wide open now.

“You heard what I fucking said.”

“I know. I’m just trying to fathom how the hell someone can survive without coffee.”

“Sweet tooth, remember?”

“Coffee can be sweet. It doesn’t have to be totally fucking bitter.” He held the door for me and I walked through, leading us outside.

“Well I’ve never had any that wasn’t completely disgusting.”

“Have you ever even been to a starbucks?”

“No.”

He put his hand on his chest pretending like he was in pain. “I’m shot. Wounded. Call a medic. This cannot be happening. All because Kitkat here has never been to starbucks.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I sighed, looking the other way because he was making what would’ve been a scene if there were people around to see it. Though we were in the parking lot so anyone looking out the windows of the restaurant would be able to spot us from their seats. Great. Fucking great.

“Not that big of a deal? This is huge! It’s fucking blasphemy! It’s an outrage dammit and I will not stand for it! When are you free next? I’m treating you to starbucks and you’re going to fucking love it.” He turned to me and grabbed my hands in his as if we were getting married or some fucking crap. I pulled my hands back and groaned internally. Then I slipped my coat on because it was fucking cold outside.

“I cannot believe I’m about to fucking agree to this shit. I don’t have work on Wednesday or Friday this week.”

“Friday sounds good. Are you free all day or do you have shit to do?”

“I don’t wake up any earlier than 9am on my days off. Otherwise, no I don’t have shit to do.”

“Sweet. 10 sound good then?”

“Yeah. That’s fine.”

“Nice.”

We stood there for a moment in silence, just sort of looking around. Then something clicked and I became kind of concerned. “So where the fuck is your brother anyway?”

“Shit. I almost completely forgot about him.” Dave facepalmed.

“Good job idiot.”

“Shut up. You’re distracting.”

“And you’re still buzzed.” I pointed out.

“That makes two of us.” He quipped back.

“Fuck you.”

Dave scanned the parking lot for a moment before cussing under his breath. “I think he took off without me. Let me call him.” I nodded in agreement. The phone rang all the way through to voicemail twice before the asshole finally picked up. Dave put his phone on speaker.

“Jesus fuck Dave, what the hell do you want? I’m in the middle of an important call.”

“Where are you? Did you leave without me? What the fuck man?”

“I’m down the block, stop freaking out like a lost kid at the grocery store.I’ll be back over in less than two minutes. Don’t piss your pants in the meantime.” I laughed at that and Dave shot me a glare as if he was offended.

“Am I on speaker right now?”

“Maybe….. Ok. Yes.”

“I’d like to apologize to all present parties for the idiocy that is my brother.” And I fucking died. I started laughing like a maniac. “Is that the waiter?”

“... Yes.” Dave admitted.

“I like him. He fucking appreciates my jokes. You really know how to pick ‘em Dave.”

“Shut the fuck up. It’s not like that.” The younger blond defended.

“It’s really not like that.” I said, just a beat behind him.

“Whatever you say.” Then he hung up. A moment later he was walking up to our buzzed asses in the middle of the parking lot.

“Long time no see.” I teased.

“Hilarious.” Dave rolled his eyes at me.

“You guys paid the bill, right?” The first words out of Dirk’s mouth. Ever so responsible.

“The owner paid it.” Dave then proceeded to hand the cash back to Dirk.

“Wait seriously? Why?” The taller blond asked.

“Long story short, she’s fucking obsessed with me. So because your brother here was hitting on me and she encourages that shit, she paid your bill.”

“That still makes no sense.” Dirk pointed out.

“I know. She never makes any fucking sense.”

“Just roll with it bro. Free food.” Dave whispered.

“Hey I’m not complaining.” Dirk put his hands up in a surrender. “So what’s the gameplan now?”

“Well you two fucks can do whatever you want but I’m probably going to wait around a little longer and let my buzz die off completely. I’m not driving until I’m 100% damn sure I can focus on a straight line.”

“Dave, you wanna hang out with your friend here or head to the club to start setting up? It’s up to you.” Way to pretend like I’m not even fucking here.

“Shit man, don’t make me choose. That’s fucking awkward.” Dave complained.

“Ok, well do you want me to choose for you? Because you know damn well that I don’t need any help setting up. So it’s not like you’d be doing much of anything if you came with me.” Dirk crossed his arms in front of his chest, clearly getting impatient to get going.

“I dunno man. This whole conversation is getting weird.” Dave looked very uncomfortable.
I decided to cut in and save his ass. “Look, you’ve got my number. Just go do your shit and if you get too fucking bored you can text me or something I guess. It’s not a big deal. And we’re not in fucking junior high. No need to act like I’m your homecoming date or some shit. I won’t be offended if you’ve gotta go somewhere. We’re all adults here, or did you fucking forget that?”

“Fuck you for insinuating that I’m not acting my age.” He retorted.

“Real mature, asswipe.”

“Whatever. Fine. Yeah, let’s go. I’ll see you Friday, Kitkat.”

“Stop calling me Kitkat, you fuck... Also text me the details of where exactly you wanna meet up. If you don’t, I won’t bother showing.” I grumbled. Dirk started to walk away, probably back to their car. Dave turned and winked at me one last time. I let out a huff and rolled my eyes again. I needed a smoke break right the fuck now.

Back in the safety of my car, my apron and shit in the passenger seat now, I lit my cigarette and started to think over just what the fuck was wrong with me. Why had I agreed to any of that shit today? Since when did I ever converse with strangers, let alone let them have my number? I didn’t have time for new friends or even dating. I didn’t have the patience for it either. What the actual hell did I just sign myself up for? This was like the worst case of auto-piloting I’d ever experienced in my life. I was completely fucking screwed into this shit now and as always it was my own fucking fault.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

I finally fucking got home safe around 6pm. Dave had already texted me, but instead of being annoying as all hell (like I’d expected), he just asked if I had some weird texting app that he and apparently everyone else I knew was using. I told him I didn’t and after five minutes of bickering about it he convinced me to download it. Wait. Hold on. Let me correct that. He didn’t actually convince me of a damn thing. He threatened to take my phone on Friday and make an account for me if I didn’t make one before then, so basically he forced my hand. After that he gave me his username and I told him I was going to wait until I got home to set up my account and add him. Thing about that is, he had no way of knowing whether or not I was home yet. So I still had time to procrastinate and do whatever until I actually felt like setting that shit up.

Speaking of procrastination, I still hadn’t even left my car yet. I was sitting in the parking lot of my apartment building, staring at my phone screen. I couldn’t help but to think that I probably should get out now and get inside to feed my fucking cat. Now before the jokes start, yes, I am aware that it sounds like the word ‘cat’ is in my name. No that is not the fucking reason that I own one. They’re just the only domesticated animals that don’t require constant attention to fucking survive other than rodents. Also I’m so fucking far from being a fan of rodents and most cats will kill any mice or rats that attempt to invade my house. So that’s definitely a plus.

Back to talking about my cat though. The fucker’s name is Mawkin. Don’t ask where it came from. I don’t actually fucking remember. He’s like 4 years old now and even more of an asshole than he was when I first got him. He used to do the typical harmless cat things like knock over bowls or vases, meow in the middle of the night, and pull on curtains and shit. Now it’s escalated to shit like learning how to open cabinets and kicking everything out of said cabinet and onto the floor if/when I don’t get home in time to feed him. This cat is the smartest dickhead cat I’ve ever known. Lucky for me, I was indeed going to be home in time to feed him today, so hopefully it wouldn’t be a disaster place when I got inside.

After another ten minutes of random thought-trains, I managed to work up the energy to get the fuck out of my car and inside my apartment. As expected, the house was semi-decent compared to the usual mess Mawkin leaves so I decided to give him a small treat in his food. Not like he’d be grateful, but I am a nice person every now and then regardless of the chances of reciprocation. After that, I kicked off my shoes and went to change into less stuffy clothes. That consisted of stripping down to boxers and throwing on a random t-shirt from the pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed.

I went and made myself comfortable on the couch in the living room. Then I finally decided to get on this ever so popular app. ‘HassleMate’ was apparently what it was called. It still sounded fucking stupid. I decided to just get this out of the way and add Dave already.

-TurntechGodhead has accepted your friend request-

CG: DAVE?

CG: DID I TYPE IT IN RIGHT?

CG: THIS IS YOU RIGHT?

TG: no this is patrick

CG: OH. FUCK. SORRY.

TG: just kidding yea its me

TG: no worries man

CG: WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE OR A REFERENCE TO SOMETHING? BECAUSE I AM COMPLETELY FUCKING LOST.

TG: it was a spongebob thing

TG: i thought that was obvious

CG: SPONGEBOB?

TG: yeah you know

TG: spongebob squarepants

TG: who lives in a pineapple under the sea

CG: PINEAPPLE? I’M STILL FUCKING LOST HERE

TG: dude do you really not know who spongebob squarepants is

CG: NEVER HEARD OF HIM

TG: im so sorry that your childhood was so shitty

CG: MY CHILDHOOD WASN’T FUCKING SHITTY JUST BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT. WHAT EVEN IS THIS SPONGE SHIT?

TG: its a cartoon

TG: about a sea sponge that lives in a pineapple

TG: his best friends are a starfish a squid and a squirrel

TG: he works at a burger joint for a crab named krabs

TG: and its the best show to ever exist in the history of all cartoons

CG: THAT SOUNDS FUCKING STUPID. I’M ACTUALLY GLAD TO HAVE NOT WATCHED THAT BRAIN-NUMBING BULLSHIT.

TG: ok so

TG: that aside for now

TG: and trust me we will return to it

TG: but

TG: i gotta ask

TG: what’s with the caps lock rage

TG: you alright bro

CG: THE APP LETS YOU SET A TYPING QUIRK. THIS IS WHAT I CHOSE FOR MINE. FUCKING FIGHT ME IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.

CG: I CAN SEE THAT YOU WERE TOO GODDAMN LAZY TO EVEN CONSIDER PUNCTUATION OR REGULAR FUCKING CAPITALIZATION FOR YOURS. DID YOU EVEN SET A QUIRK?

TG: eh not really worth my time

TG: everyone still knows what im saying without all that extra shit

CG: WELL YOU CLEARLY KNOW WHAT THE HELL I’M SAYING WHEN IT’S IN ALL CAPS SO STEP OFF, HYPOCRITE.

TG: touche

TG: i might have deserved that

CG: YEAH, KINDA.

TG: aight

TG: well on another note at least i got you to get on here so we can chat like civilized people who don’t need to rely on text messaging to communicate

CG: YOU CONSIDER THIS CIVILIZED?

TG: compared to texting

TG: yes

TG: read the fine print carcat

CG: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU FUCKING SPELL MY NAME YOU ASSWIPE

TG: well its not like you ever spelled it out for me

CG: IT’S K A R K A T

TG: how was i supposed to know that

TG: at least i was close

TG: but i gotta say

TG: my spelling is an improvement

TG: carcat

TG: car cat

TG: beep beep meow

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THIS CONVERSATION JUST DIMINISH TO?

CG: ALSO NEVER REPEAT THAT LAST PHRASE IN MY PRESENCE UNLESS YOU WANT TO WITNESS MY EARS PEELING OFF OF MY HEAD AND FALLING USELESSLY TO THE GROUND WHILE MY EARHOLES BLEED OUT PROFUSELY. BLOOD SPLATTERS WILL BE UNAVOIDABLE. IT WILL NOT BE FUCKING PRETTY.

TG: jesus h christ that was graphic as all hell

TG: noted that i will not use that phrase around you in person

TG: even though i doubt that gorey shit would actually happen

CG: FUCKING PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

CG: AND I WOULD MAKE IT HAPPEN. DON’T THINK I WOULDN’T.

TG: dude, gross

TG: dsnfsnkflsfk

TG: sdjkld dsjfka sadf

CG: DAVE?

TG: oh mannn i am so tottes in luv wit u

TG: fuckimg obsessessed

TG: hawt myysterie water man

TG: okfsdmkfns sdlasmlsefn

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

TG: sdjks

TG: roxy stole my phone

TG: oh fuck man she really put that on there

TG: drunken woman i swear if she wasn’t related to me and totally chill i’d fucking slap her for that kinda shit

TG: just ignore that whole thing that just happened

CG: ROXY?

CG: LIKE ROXY LALONDE?

TG: yea do you know her

CG: SHE BARTENDS AT HIT THE DECK IN THE MORNINGS/EARLY EVENINGS. SHE’S THE ONE WHO MADE THAT CIDER THAT YOU WERE MAKING OUT WITH EARLIER TODAY, YOU ASSWIPE. OF COURSE I KNOW HER.

TG: oh fuck

TG: why am i just finding out about this

TG: nobody tells me shit jesus christ

TG: and i was not making out with it

CG: YOU WERE DEFINITELY FUCKING MAKING OUT WITH IT

CG: SO HOW DO YOU KNOW ROXY?

TG: she bartends at night for the club i dj at

TG: also shes my cousin

TG: more specifically shes my brothers cousin

TG: same thing though

CG: COOL. SO I GUESS THAT MEANS THAT YOU’RE AT WORK RIGHT NOW?

TG: nah were still doing setup

TG: and by we i mean dirk

TG: so technically im not busy yet

TG: just chillin backstage and apparently babysitting one drunk bartender until her shift starts here

Before I could even respond to that, I was scared shitless and almost pissed my pants because my roommate slammed the fucking apartment door open like only a maniac would. I shot Dave a message that was basically a ‘brb’.

CG: I’LL BE RIGHT THE FUCK BACK. MY ROOMMATE IS A COCKSUCKING ASSHOLE.

TG: seems legit

TG: ill be here

I glared across the living room at Eridan as he kicked his shoes off in a mess at the door and dropped literally all of his shit in the entryway. He was on his phone, apparently angrily texting someone that was probably his boyfriend, and had yet to acknowledge my existence. I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest in a very angry manner befitting someone of my stature.

“Hey, Eridouche. Get a fucking clue. We have a fucking shoe mat and coat rack for a reason. Also what’s with the whole trying to break our goddamn door off it’s hinges? Are you trying to get us evicted?” I seethed. He glanced up from his phone for a mere second before shrugging, kicking the door shut with his bare feet, and walking towards his room. “Oh hell no. Don’t think you’re getting away that easy.” I muttered, running and cutting him off in his path.

“Kar w-what the fuck!” It was hard not to laugh when his stutter came back like that. He had it mostly under control now, but it was a lot worse when he was younger apparently. Regardless it was hard to be angry when a stutter like that was so goddamn funny combined with his slight british accent, yet somehow I managed to maintain my temper.

“No, you what the fuck? What in the everloving hell is your problem today? Did Captor finally dump your ass or some shit? Why are you slamming the front door like the fucking hulk? And why are you being more of a pompous prick than usual? I want answers, douchelord.”

He sighed. “Alright, fine. They cut my hours back at Ganymede. So i guess you could say i’m kinda pissed about it.”

“Is that really all that was fucking about? Less hours at the club? You’ve got to be joking me. You have two fucking jobs, you idiot. You are absolutely the most dramatic fucking queen I’ve ever seen.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “No pun intended there, I promise.”

“Ok. So that may not be all but it ain’t important right now an I don’t wanna talk about it. So please, just leave it be. If the door is broken I’ll pay for it an I’ll pick my shit up later. I just need ta calm down for now. So can I please get to my room, mom?” He asked, obviously as done with my shit as I was with his.

“Don’t fucking call me mom. And I guess, permission granted.” I sighed, moving out of his way so that he could get past.

“Thanks.” He said flatly, moving right past me and shutting his bedroom door. I heard a muffled scream which I assumed was him screaming into a pillow to let out some frustration. I let it be and went back to my phone, only to find that I received 17 new messages while I was gone.

TG: chillin and waitin

TG: nothin better to do

TG: brb gonna go get a drink from the bar here before roxy clocks in and attracts a crowd per usual

TG: omng totes not sposed to be on his phoen right now but he left it so leik its his fault rite?

TG: btw its roxx. just wanted to say hi, karks. also to invite ya to the place tonight to check out thier set.

TG: club’s called “blow-out” *wonk*

TG: red alort. blondee comin back

TG: byeeeeee

-TurntechGodhead has erased all previous messages-

TG: ok

TG: why the fuck did she erase the messages

TG: what did she fucking tell you

TG: karcat

TG: kitkat

TG: karkles

TG: cmon man

TG: are you really not back yet

CG: I’M BACK

TG: thank fuck

TG: what did roxy say

TG: that shit only erases on one end of the convo

TG: so i cant see shit that she wrote to you but it should still be up on your screen

CG: NOTHING. SHE WAS JUST SAYING HI APPARENTLY

TG: so she didnt say anything that ill have to live down such as super embarrassing stories that she may or may not have made up to fucking blackmail me with

CG: I PROMISE THAT YOUR COUSIN HAS NOT EMBARRASSED YOU. ARE YOU CONTENT NOW?

TG: dead serious, for real, 100% truth right

CG: YES DAVE. WHAT PART OF MY SINCERITY IS NOT GETTING THROUGH TO YOUR SUBSTANDARD BRAIN HERE?

TG: my bad

TG: sorry

TG: just paranoid to fuck shit up before i even get a real chance to know you

TG: yknow

CG: THAT MAKES SENSE

CG: GLAD TO SEE YOU’RE FINALLY LISTENING TO MY FUCKING ADVICE AND TRYING TO MAKE A DECENT IMPRESSION

CG: DOESN’T MEAN ITS GOING TO BE A LASTING ONE THOUGH.

CG: I DON’T WANT TO LEAD YOU ON OR GIVE YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT THIS IS A FOR SURE THING. LIKE “OH IF YOU BECOME MY FRIEND FIRST THEN WE CAN TOTALLY DATE” TYPE THING. THAT’S NOT IT AT ALL.

CG: I JUST WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU SOME BEFORE I CAN DECIDE IF I’M ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED.

TG: chill out karks

TG: i get it dude

TG: i dont mind just hanging out

TG: even if i dont ‘score a date’ with you im chill with just being friends

TG: no worries

CG: GOOD TO KNOW WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE THEN.

TG: definitely

TG: so

TG: . . . . . . . . .

TG: the thing with your roommate

TG: how did that go

CG: IT’S . . . . . KIND OF HANDLED I GUESS? I MEAN HE CAME INTO THE APARTMENT BY SLAMMING THE DOOR ALMOST OFF IT’S HINGES SO HE NEARLY SCARED THE PISS OUT OF ME. THEN HE DROPPED ALL HIS SHIT IN A FUCKING MESS ON THE FLOOR AND IT’S LIKE COME ON. WE HAVE PLACES TO PUT THAT SHIT OTHER THAN THE FLOOR.

CG: BUT I GUESS HE’S JUST STRESSED ABOUT SOME HORSESHIT FROM WORK OR SOMETHING. HE WOULDN’T TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THE MAJOR PROBLEM WAS.

CG: BUT HE SAID HE’D FIX THE DOOR AND PICK HIS SHIT UP AFTER HE CALMED DOWN SO WHATEVER.

TG: sounds like a real diva

TG: also thats fucking hilarious that you got scared by a slammed door

TG: i cant imagine you being frightened

TG: like i cant picture what your scared face would look like

TG: but i bet its pure fucking gold

CG: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF COMPLIMENT? BECAUSE IT’S A REALLY SHITTY ONE

TG: nah, just a random statement

TG: you wouldnt have to ask if i was complimenting you for real you would just know

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME CRYPTID ASS BULLSHIT

CG: BUT IT ALSO SOUNDS BELIEVABLE SO WHATEVER

CG: YOU HAVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT FOR NOW

TG: why thank you good sir

TG: thats all ive ever wanted was the benefit of the doubt from a dashing waiter in scarlet linens

TG: its a real dream come true

CG: SHUT UP NERD

TG: normally i would deny that request

TG: but it seems i have to go and start soundcheck

TG: so i bid thee a good day and possibly good night

CG: OK. SEE YOU LATER.

And just like that I logged off. I considered going to his club unannounced but I had no fucking idea if that was weird or creepy or allowed in this situation. It’d been too long since I last even had an interest in dating and I had no fucking clue what the social rules consisted of anymore. But I sure as hell knew some people who would have a better clue than I would. One of which was my annoying roommate.

“Hey Eridan!” I called out to him through the wall. I received a muffled groan for a response. So I pounded my fist against the wall to try and get his lazy ass to come out here.

“What?” he yelled out, clearly unamused.

“Come here I need to ask you some shit.”

“Why can’t you come in here since you’re the one with a fuckin question?” He called back. Fuck. I was cornered there. That actually made some fucking sense.

“Fine.” I groaned, getting up and walking to his doorway. “I have a question about …..”

“About? Come on spit it out Vantas.” He said, lounging on his bed, still wearing his starbucks work uniform. That reminded me about the thing Friday and the possibility of running into my roommate at his job.

“Ok so come to think of it I have a lot of questions because of a thing that I’ll have to deal with later this week. But the first thing I need to ask you about is …. I guess, some romantic advice.” That seemed to pique his interest because he actually sat up to pay attention for fucking once when I was talking to him.

“Oh really now? You actually want romantic advice from me? Because I happen to remember a certain someone constantly claiming that he was the romance expert all throughout high school. And that I should have been takin a page outta his book? Remember that Kar? Cause I sure do.” He raised an eyebrow at me, acting all high and mighty. So basically how he always acted.

“OK. One, fuck you. Two, I’m still the expert. I’m just a little rusty on some things.”

“Excuses. Will ya just admit that for once in your life I might know somethin about romance that you don’t?”

“That’s essentially what I did when I fucking asked for your help.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“No, no. I want to hear it.” That smug bastard.

“Well, shithead, you’re going to be very fucking disappointed because I’m not going to say it and you damn well know that.”

“I guess you really don’t need my help then. Good luck with whatever the fuck it is.” He started to examine his nails in the most prissy way possible.

“Ok fine. Since you’re a goddamn expert on the topic, will you please help me with this?”

“Sarcasm.......Close enough. Sure.” He jumped up from his bed, discarded his barista apron and went to the kitchen. I followed only to find that he was apparently going to make himself a cup of tea for the occasion. Something he did any time he wanted to sit and talk for a while.

“I really hope this won’t take long enough for you to get through a whole goddamn pot of tea. This time it’s literally just simple advice. Or at least it should be.”

“Ok, well what is it?” He asked, hand on his hip. “I can’t start helping until I know what the situation is.”

“Ok, well I met this guy-”

“What’s his name?” Eridan cut in before I could even get one sentence out.

“Why the fuck does that matter?”

“If I know him then I might be able to help more. Or at least tell you whether or not he’s a scumbag.”

“How the fuck would you know him?”

“Honey if he’s caught your interest and even remotely interested in you, he’s probably been to Ganymede before. No self-respecting gay man can honestly say they haven’t stepped inside the only drag bar in town.”

“Ok. I’m gay and I haven’t been in there, for one. And two, there are other gay bars around, you fucking know that right?” I took my usual seat at our small kitchen table.

“Sweetheart, I said drag bar. Not gay bar. I also said self-respecting gay man. Don’t take offense to the truth.” That stupid accent made it all sound even more insulting. Fucking douche was raised in britain up until high school though so everything he said sounded pretentious.

“Ok. Stop with the pet names, that shit is getting weird fast.”

“Fine. Just tell me the guy’s name then.” He sat down at the table with me and laced his hands together in front of him.

“His name is Dave. Are you fucking happy now?”

“Kar there’s like a million men named Dave. I need his last name too. You do know it right?”

“Of course I fucking do. It’s Strider.” I grumbled, crossing my arms on the table and resting my head on them.

“Dave Strider . . . . Dave . . . Strider.”

“Yes are you fucking retarded or something? That’s his fucking name. Congrats. You won the fucking jackpot. You put the puzzle together. Gods Eridan you’re so smart.” I rolled my eyes at him again.

He sighed and pushed a piece of his long bangs out of his face. “Kar, calm down. Remember, I’m here to help you.”

“Well you have his name so help away, fucking expert.”

“I’ve heard of him. Some things good, some bad. That’s all you need to know for now. Next, how did you meet?”

“He showed up at my job today-”

“Wait you just met him today an you’ve already got a date?”

“Chill out and let me fucking finish my sentence before you jump in, asswipe. We’re not dating. We don’t have a date planned. Well we are going out for coffee on Friday but- but that’s not a date. It’s a friend thing. We’re just fucking friends for now. Jesus tits.”

“You don’t even like coffee.” He pointed out.

“I fucking know that. I told him that. He thinks he can change my mind about it. But that’s not what this is about right now.”

“Ok, we’ll come back to that then.”

I took a deep breath to quell my annoyance at the constant sidetracking. “Anyway. He went to Hit the Deck today with his brother and sat in my section. I played my schtick like usual and he fucking bantered it with me. It was really fucking annoying but also kind of fun I guess. It was nice to not have customers that don’t know how to fucking handle attitude for once. One thing led to another and Meenah fucking made me sit down with them just because they asked me to. So I talked with him for a bit while his brother went outside for a phone call. He seemed not-creepy so I gave him my number. Then I came home afterward. He got me to make a Hasslemate even if that fucking says anything.”

“Really? What’s your handle?”

“Not important right now! So anyway he’s a DJ at some club called ‘Blow-out’ I guess, and Roxy invited me to come check out his show tonight.”

“I’m not followin. You seem to know what you’re doin so far. What part of this is a problem….?”

“Should I go? Is that allowed? Can I just show up at his job after only knowing him one day and talking to him for a few short hours?”

“Well he knows where you work so I don’t see a problem with it.”

“So then I should go?”

“Oh we’re going for sure. But you’re not leaving the house dressed like that.” He pointed at me with a critical look on his face that said ‘you need help’.

“Fucking obviously. I’m not even wearing pants, douchelord. Also what do you mean ‘we’?”

“I’m going with. So you can’t say that you came alone just to see him. If anythin, say it was my suggestion an that you had no idea it was where he worked. After all, I could go for a drink after the day I’ve had, an it is a gay club.” He got up and started to walk back towards his room.

“It is? When the fuck…? Actually, nevermind. What isn’t gay anymore as far as nightlife in this city?” I followed, heading towards my own room, adjacent to his.

“Right? It’s fucking fabulous isn’t it.”

“Literally.” I grumbled with another eye roll.

“So what are we waitin for? It’s like seven already. Let’s get our shit together and get all dolled up.”

“Dolled up for what? You’re taken and I’m …. Well it’s complicated but I’m not looking for hookups.” He pushed his door open and I followed, expecting him to want to dress me up now. It just sounded like something he would do.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not fun to be eye candy, hun. Especially if you wanna impress this boy.” He pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and looked back and forth between me and the article of clothing as if thinking over how they’d look on me.

“Shouldn’t I just be myself?” I asked, subtly hinting at the fact that I didn’t really wanna attempt to squeeze into Eridan’s womens skinny jeans which were about 10x skinnier than mens skinny jeans.

“That’s true …..Believe it or not, yourself can be impressive sometimes with the right outfit and setting. Not that I’ve seen it in person, but Sol tells me you were quite a sight on your 21st.” Eridan started to look through his closet, acting like there was nothing good in there when he literally had three times as many outfits as I did in there.

“Please remind me later to kill him for telling you about that.”

“I probably won’t to be honest.” He grinned. Of course he got all smiley whenever Sollux was mentioned. It was almost kind of sickening how crazy he was for that douche, but to each their own.

“Ok. Well I’m going to go pick out some shit from my closet that I think would be ok and you can come judge it when I’m done.” I poked my thumb over my shoulder to signal. He nodded and I got out of there pretty fucking fast. Being around a drag queen when he was picking out clothes was a literal hell for me. Been there, done that. Let’s just say there’s a reason Eridan and I don’t go shopping together anymore.

An hour, and many horrible decisions, later we were finally ready to head out the fucking door. Eridan was decked in pastels. Lavender super skinny jeans with a soft pink crop top that said pretty boy across it in white lettering. He paired that with some small accessories like necklaces and bracelets and shit, also white doc martins. Stupid fucking tumblr gay shit, y’know. I was much more sensibly dressed in regular black skinny jeans, my red converse high tops, and a deep red arctic monkeys t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up some to make it look more ‘hipster’. The sleeve thing was not my idea but honestly I didn’t hate it when I looked in the mirror so whatever. The point is that we were finally ready to get going.

I grabbed my keys and Eridan finally fucking picked his shit up out of the doorway and moved it to his room before we left. We had agreed that I would be driving since he had a habit of getting just a little bit wasted when given the chance. Also he didn’t have to work in the morning tomorrow. I took the liberty of texting Sollux to let him know he might have to pick up his drunk boyfriend later, since Eridan was easy to lose in a crowd. All I really knew for sure was that this was either going to be extremely boring, extremely embarrassing, or potentially a nice night. To be quite honest, I wasn’t ready for any of the outcomes.

When we finally found the place there was no fucking parking so we had to park almost two blocks away. That’s how packed it was there. Apparently Dave wasn’t kidding when he said his music was pretty popular. I felt the bass before I really heard the music and by the time we got inside I thought my ears were going to bleed. Roxy spotted me right as I walked in the door and waved me over. I left Eridan to do what-the-fuck-ever and joined her. Roxy cleared a seat for me front and center. I tried to shout over the music to tell her I just wanted my usual drink but she either didn’t hear me or decided to ignore it as she lined up a few shots for me. I wearily glanced at them before giving in. If I was going to stay here and try to blend in with the crowd, I might as well loosen up some. After the first five shots I started to wonder what the fuck she’d put in them because when I went to stand my legs felt like jelly. I heard her cackle behind me as I wandered off to the dance floor because this beat was calling my name and pulling me in like a magnet. I was quickly getting lost in a sea of bodies and swaying to the beat like I’d never heard music before. But who fucking cared about my shit dancing? I felt amazing.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V. (stilll)

The next morning I woke up to the soft muffled buzzing of my phone getting a text message. It was Meenah asking if I remembered that I had to come in today at 8. It was currently 8:15. Fuck. I groaned and rubbed my eyes some. The first thing I noticed was that these sheets were not my own sheets. I looked around the room and confirmed that it was in fact not my own room either. I glanced to the other side of the bed to see a mess of blonde hair sprawled across the pillow that belonged to a familiar face. He was still asleep, which was good, but I certainly didn’t want to wake him. I had no memory of the night before so I had no idea why I was here or what had happened. All I knew was that I was probably at risk of losing my job if I didn’t get my ass there pronto. Worrying about this emotional shit could wait.

I carefully got up out of the bed and looked around to find my clothes. Seeing nothing on the floor and realizing I wasn’t in fact wearing them, I left the room to look through the apartment. When I found my shit on the couch I quickly stripped off the t-shirt and boxers I had apparently borrowed from Dave and put my own clothes back on, shoving my phone in my back pocket. This wasn’t work appropriate attire, but at least it was mine. If I was fast enough I could probably drive home and get something and still make it to work only forty-five minutes late, which in all honesty wasn’t bad compared to some coworkers records.

After fighting with the slide chain thing at the top of the door I finally made my exit, praying that I didn’t wake him up with the noise from the metal. I pulled out my phone to check the time and sighed. 8:19am. Now to be quite honest I thought about leaving a note, but I was in a hurry so instead I sent him a few quick messages on HassleMate.

CG: DAVE

CG: SORRY

CG: HAD TO RUN TO WORK

CG: NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

CG: I BLACKED OUT

CG: HANGOVERS SUCK ASS

CG: TEXT ME LATER TO FILL ME IN ON WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED PLEASE AND HOW I WOUND UP AT YOUR PLACE

CG: ALSO SORRY FOR WHATEVER I SAID LAST NIGHT. I PROMISE I DIDN’T MEAN ANY OF THAT BULLSHIT.

That out of the way, I started down the metal staircase and dug around in my pockets for my keys only to realize I didn’t have them on me. Like hell I was going back in the building now though. So when I reached ground level, I looked around the street to get my bearings. That’s when I realized that I also didn’t have my car. Just fucking peachy. I could only hope that it was still at the club or that I had given my keys to Eridan or Sollux or even Roxy. Above all I hoped it wasn’t fucking stolen. That would just be the cherry on top of the cake, wouldn’t it?

I started to walk down the block until I reached a crossroad that I recognized. I was closer to work than I was to home so I headed there right away, knowing full well I was going to get my ass chewed one way or another. Even if I’d gone home I’d be in trouble for being so damn late. So I decided I’d rather be a little late and wrongly dressed with a write up than properly dressed but like two hours late and fired.

It was a nice morning for a walk. Not too bright, which was a blessing on my hungover eyes. In fact it seemed pretty overcast, like it might rain later today if the clouds kept rolling in like they were. It only took me about 35 minutes to arrive at work. Making me only about an hour late in total. The place was still empty enough this early in the morning so that was a plus. Sollux fucking stopped what he was doing and wolf-whistled when I walked in.

“So, looks like someone had a pretty nice night, since you’re still wearing the same clothes from the club.” Him and his stupid lisp, mocking me. Unlike his boyfriend, he hadn’t grown out of his speech impediment, likely because his family couldn’t afford the expensive vocal lessons when he was a kid. Now he was past the point of caring enough to do anything about it.

“Fuck you. I’m not in the mood for this shit.” I flipped him off and walked into the back. Vriska passed me on my way to Meenah’s office and eyed me suspiciously.

“I don’t think that get-up’s gonna be ok with the boss, but it’s your funeral.” She said in passing. I groaned and leaned against the wall in the kitchen, collecting myself before I literally murdered one of my co-workers. Sollux came through the doors to the back a moment later, still grinning like he was so fucking proud.

“So how was he?” Sollux asks.

“How was who?”

“The guy you went home with. You might as well give me the details so I don’t have to hear them from Eridan later. C’mon KK. We’re buds, you can tell me.”

“I have no fucking idea what the hell you are even talking about.”

“Wait, you did have sex with him right? That’s why you’re still in the same clothes…” He trailed off.

I pinched my nose and sighed before looking at him again, very irritated. “Let me rephrase my last answer. I don’t care to know what the fuck you’re talking about because I was really drunk last night. I don’t remember a goddamn thing. I don’t know why it’s any of your fucking business. AND, we both have jobs to do that don’t include sitting around gossiping like a gaggle of teenage cheerleaders at a sleepover. Do us both a favor and get your ass back out front in case a customer shows up.”

“Geeze, since when did you become a manager?” He asked, clearly put off by my lack of cooperation with his stupid drama fest.

“I’m not, but seeing as I’m fucking late, Meenah is going to be pissed already. Do you also want to be on her bad side today for being lazy as all shit? I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to poke an angry animal with a stick and provoke it, Sollux.” He seemed at a loss for words so I pointed to the door and he left me the fuck alone. I raked my hands through my probably completely fucked up hair and took a deep breath before knocking on the office door to the she-devil that would probably grill my ass and put it on the specials menu for this week.

Meenah opened the door with a smile that immediately faded when she got a good look at me. “What the fuck a you wearin?” She snapped.

“Can I talk to you in the office?” I asked, resigned to being polite for fucking once in my life. I think that shocked her more than anything else so she just nodded and stepped to the side so I could join her.

“What’s up kat? What’s got you all ruffled now? Who do I have to beat up?” She asked, closing the door and making her way back to her desk chair.

“Well for starters you won’t be beating up anyone. Unless that someone is me, because I’m the one who fucked up this time.” I sighed.

“I doubt that, but go ahead and tell mama Meenah all about it.” She propped her head up on her hands and leaned forward on her desk.

“Long story short, I got way too fucking drunk last night. I totally blacked out. Woke up, not at home, without my car so I had to walk here. That’s why I’m late and dressed like I am. I feel fucking awful about it. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to write me up for all this. Or if you wanted to send me home for the day or some shit. Honestly, I’d fire my dumb ass for something this irresponsible.”

“Clam it. I don’t wanna hear nothin more. You ain’t in trouble. No write ups. I’ll call in a replacement, put Vris in charge, an I’ll even drive ya home. This kinda thing happens to the best of us an it rarely happens to you. I’ll let it slide since it’s ya first offense. Jus don’t make a halibut of it or I won’t be as nice aboat it.” She sighed, grabbing her purse, keys, and cell phone.

“You really don’t have to do that. I can walk myself home. It’s no big deal.”

“Shut it. You’ve been through enough this mornin, ya don’t have a jacket, an it’s like 45 degrees out. Don’t want ya catchin cold an missin’ more work.” I was about to protest again but honestly, I was tired, hungover, and she kinda had a point.

“Thanks.” I muttered quietly, following her out of the office.

“Don’t think you don’t owe me one. You’re gonna have to pick up another shift this week ta make up for today.”

“It’s gonna have to be Wednesday then, because I’m supposed to go to a thing on Friday.” I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to will away the beginnings of a migraine.

“A thing? Kat that ain’t at all specific or a good enough excuse.” She locked the office door and turned to me, hand on her hips.

“If I told you it was with that guy from yesterday you all tried so fucking hard to get me to like, would that make you feel better about it?”

“Shell yes. Nevamind. Excuse accepted. I’ll take a look at Wednesday when I get back.” She then led us out of the building yelling a quick, “Vris don’t burn down the place. I’ll be back soon.” and then we were on the road. I’d never realized that Meenah listened to rap until I had to spend 20 minutes in her car with her. Not only that but she knew all the words to almost every single rap song on the radio, an impressive feat in itself. I went to check my phone only to find that it was now completely dead. So I let myself get distracted in the beat of each song, zoning out for the most part until Meenah needed help finding my apartment. She knew what complex I lived in but not which building in the complex so I had to direct her around the place.

When I got out I offered to pay her for the ride, but of course she waved it off, telling me to get some rest and maybe not party so hard next time I’ve got an early morning shift. I agreed and watched her pull out of the complex before walking up to my apartment door and praying that Eridan was home and awake enough to answer the door. What with my keys missing and my phone dead, my only other option would be to break into my own apartment. Eridan had already asked the landlord too many times to come unlock the door for him since he always misplaced his keys. The guy had said that next time he needed to come unlock it for us he was going to charge a service fee because it was getting ridiculous. All that aside I knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. It didn’t come the first few times. Another ten minutes of standing outside when it dawned on me that we actually did have a fucking doorbell. I’d forgotten because the damn thing never got used. So I rang the doorbell instead. Repeatedly and rapidly. Like a goddamn child.

The door was finally opened by a very grumpy Eridan who looked absolutely wrecked. He was wrapped in a blanket and squinted at me.

“W-why didn’t you use your fuckin keys?” He asked, yawning after his question.

“I fucking would’ve if I had them. Do you know where the fuck they are?” I walked inside, closing the door and toeing off my shoes at the matt like a decent fucking person.

“Oh, right. You gave em to me an Sol last night.” He chuckled, sheepishly.

“Wait. You remember last night?”

“Yea. You don’t? I snapchatted the whole thing too.”

“My phone is fucking dead you asswipe. Fucking hell. Please fill me in. Ohmygod. I haven’t blacked out like that since my fucking 21st birthday.”

“Hm. Lemme get some clothes on an make a cup a tea first an I’ll tell you an show you what I know.” He mosied on back into his bedroom and pushed the door almost all the way closed.

“Okay. I’m gonna go take a shower while you do all that shit.” I grumbled loud enough so he could hear. I tossed my dead phone on my bed and grabbed one of my usual home lounging outfits of a random graphic tee and some boxers. Then I made my way into the bathroom. While stripping down I noticed a few odd scratches and bruises on my body but ignored them in favor of the allure of a hot shower. I could worry about shit after I found out just what the hell I did the night before.

Half an hour later Eridan and I were finally situated at our small dining room table and ready to talk about what the hell had actually happened last night. He had his stupid ass tea and I had a sloppily poured bowl of cereal because i was fucking starving.

“So I think we should start with snapchat an see if you have any questions from there. Sound good?” I shoved a spoonful of captain crunch in my mouth and gave him a thumbs up.

The first snap he showed me was a video of me grinding up on like five different people on the dancefloor and attempting to sing along to the music. It was utterly embarrassing to say the least.

“Please tell me you’re going to delete these shitty videos after you show them to me. I don’t fucking need everyone on your friends list seeing this shit.” I complained. Eridan didn’t say a damn word in response, which told me that basically he wasn’t going to.

The next one was another video of sollux cackling like a maniac and shouting “KK’s fucking wasted!” then the camera turned to me, screaming the lyrics to the cha cha slide and doing the dance very fucking poorly. I’d never live any of this shit down.

The third one was simply a picture, but it was a picture of me. I was back at the bar with like ten shots lined up in front of me and Roxy winking for the picture. What a fucking bitch. Why didn’t she fucking cut me off? The caption there read “shots shots shots shots”.

“Wow, Eridan. You are just the fucking best at captions. Way to state the obvious.”

“It’s a song reference you fuckin dunce.” He seethed back. “Just keep on goin. It gets good.”

The fourth thing Eridan’s phone captured was a video. This one was fucking terrible too. It was of me, sitting at a table probably with Eridan and Sollux, and it appeared that Dave was talking over the mic. My dumb ass kept saying “yeah.” and “that’s right.” after every few words that Dave said. Like I was some kind of jock’s lackey from a shitty movie.

“Please tell me it doesn’t get any fucking worse.”

“Oh no. It gets better.” Eridan chuckled, moving to hide his smile behind his teacup.

“Fuck you.” I flipped him off and waited for the next snap to show up.

This one had a timestamp of 11:14 pm and it was a video, presumably of me again. It was really just the stage, and … oh no. Fuck. No. My drunk ass climbed up on the fucking stage and crawled under the DJ booth. Someone kill me now.

The next one was a video of the same scene but I was standing up now on the other side of the table next to Dave. It was hard to see but there were also some security guards walking towards us. The caption read “Fuckin busted. He’s gonna get kicked outt.” with a crying laughing emoji.

“Don’t tell me there’s more.”

“Well there is, but nothin more about you. An you probably won’t wanna see the rest of the story anyway.” Eridan quickly took his phone back.

“Ew. You fucking didn’t … did you?”

“Didn’t what?” He feigned.

“You didn’t record the shit that you and Sollux did last night on fucking snapchat did you? You’d scar everyone on your friends list for the rest of their goddamn lives.”

“No …. Well not exactly. It’s not explicit or anythin if that’s what you mean.”

“Whatever, I don’t actually want to know the details or see it.”

“Ok ….. So any questions or should I tell you how you wound up at Dave’s?” He asked, fingertips thrumming against the table in a very fucking annoying way.

“Yeah. Why the fuck did you record all of that?”

“Well, when Sol noticed you were all sorts a fucked up he told me to record it because it’d be funny. An it was. But also helpful for you in the end, so there’s a plus.” Damn asshole at least had the decency to look guilty about it.

“Next question. Why didn’t Roxy cut me off? I was way too wasted.”

“So was she.” And that answered that.

“Why didn’t someone fucking stop me from getting up on stage?”

“You said you were gonna go to the bathroom an next thing we knew you were crawlin on the stage. Not like we knew you were gonna do that or anythin.” He shrugged.

“Ok, so what happened after that?”

“Dave left the booth an brought ya back down to the crowd. You waved at us an he brought ya over. He mentioned something about getting you home since even he could tell you were wasted. You musta misheard him because you handed me your keys an told me to ‘have fun with Sol’ an that the apartment was ours for the night.”

“What the actual fuck was I on?”

“Shut up an let me finish the story.” He pinned me with a glare before clearing his throat to continue. “Anyway, then Dave just started laughing about the fact that you’d misheard him and offered to let you crash on his couch for the night. Sol may have said somethin along the lines of how you wouldn’t just be on the couch to which you flipped him off.” I chuckled at that, at least I was still me when drunk. “Then Dave took you backstage an as you two were walkin off he slipped an arm around you. But it coulda been because you were drunk an stumblin about. Then we didn’t see you for a couple hours. When we were leaving you were throwing up in the parking lot, luckily not on anythin or anyone. But it was still fuckin disgustin.”

“That is fucking unbelievable. But also probably why I’m so goddamn hungry right now.” I said, marveling at how I didn’t remember a damn thing. “Also Dave’s probably never going to talk to me again, so there’s that.” I said casually.

“What makes you so sure about that?”

“Were you not listening to your own goddamn story? I embarrassed the fuck out of myself. I almost got kicked out of the place and/or nearly arrested. I probably punched a guy out with my fuckall terrible dancing. I was all over the place. On top of that, I woke up in his bed next to him, and not on the couch. I was wearing his clothes too. Thank fuck that at least I wasn’t naked. But at this point I’m not sure which is worse because it means I was naked there at some point. And to top it off, I messaged him on my way out this morning, admitting to not have remembered a fucking thing from last night. I’m fucking boned. The asshole is never gonna speak to me again.”

“Ok, that does sound bad, but let’s not just assume that it’s over. If he did have sex with you then he might still totally be into you. From the sounds and looks of it he wasn’t even drinking last night. He probably remembers everything. You might be able to get details from him too.”

“Oh hell no. I’m not going to go begging for details like some little bitch girl who wants all the fucking gossip about her from her friends.” I shook my head.

“If you won’t then I will.”

“You don’t even have his number or have him on Hasslemate, how the fuck are you going to contact him from your phone?”

“Who said anythin about my phone?” He grinned and I panicked.

“No. No. Nope.” We both got up and sprinted to my room, trying to get to my dead phone first. Eridan won because he’d been sitting closer to the hallway. Also because I tripped over my chair and almost tripped over Mawkin on the way there. Technicalities though. “Congratulations idiot, you have acquired my dead phone. Explain to me how you intended to message anyone on it when it’s been dead for fucking hours.”

“I’m gonna fuckin charge it a course.” Eridan rolled his eyes at me and went to look for my phone charger.

“Just fucking hand it over, you don’t know where shit is in my room. You’re never gonna find my charger.” I left my hand out expectantly.

“On second thought, you’re right, ‘cause I’m kinda scared to go lookin through your drawers an find your dildo collection by accident.” He smirked.

“I don’t fucking have one you dickmonger. You’re thinking of your own room.”

“Why would I need that when I have a boyfriend?” He winked, walking out of my room and leaving my phone behind on the bed.

“Wow, you’re really gonna throw that in my face right now? At least the guy I like isn’t an absolute douche.”

“Sol is only a douche to people who are fuckin rude to him first.” Eridan called back from the living room.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” I yelled back before pulling my phone charger out from under my bed and plugging my phone in. It would still be a while before the damn thing turned back on, so I decided to go back to the kitchen and put my empty bowl in the dishwasher.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Eridan asked, now perched on the couch with netflix pulled up on the tv. “You can choose.”

“It will never cease to amaze me how quickly you go from one thing to the next. But sure, I guess.” I grabbed a seat on the other end of the couch and snagged the remote from him. I immediately put on “Leap Year” because it’s a fucking great movie and no one can tell me otherwise. Eridan scoffed at my choice but I knew he’d like the movie anyway. He always did, despite claiming that he hated movies. Not any specific genre, just movies in general. What a fucking hipster, trying to be cool and different by not liking any movies. Everyone liked movies of some genre.

About halfway through the movie Eridan started texting more than he was looking at the screen, which was fucking rude. “Do you have to do that right now?” I asked him, clearly very irritated.

“It’s Sol. He’s on break.” Eridan shrugged, as if that were all the explanation I needed. It reminded me that Eridan had tried to steal my phone earlier though.

“Oh shit.” I paused the movie and ran to my room to check my phone.

When I hit the lock button to check the screen it read ‘5 new messages from TurntechGodhead’.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

I woke up at 9:30am to the sound of my alarm going off and groggily slapped it off my dresser. Unfortunately for me, that didn’t turn it off and so the blaring beeping noise continued and started to grate my nerves. I groaned and reached off the side of the bed, picking up the damn thing and properly shutting it off. Then I ran a hand through my hair and sat up, only to find the other side of my bed was empty and the sheets were pulled back. That’s when I remembered that Karkat had spent the night. Fuck.

I raced to the living room hoping he was still there so that I could explain. But when I looked around, the place was empty. Of course he left. Why wouldn’t he? Anyone in their right mind waking up after a night like that would assume the worst and leave pronto. God damnit. He probably thought that I took advantage of him while he was piss drunk. If he’d stayed longer I could’ve told him what the hell actually happened. That is, if he would even believe me. This was just a great start to the day. Fantastic.

I took a few minutes to calm myself down. On the bright side, if Karkat didn’t want to talk to me ever again then at least Dirk owed me money from the bet in the restaurant. I knew I should’ve just slept on the couch so he wouldn’t freak the fuck out and assume shit. Or maybe he had a reason? Maybe he had work or something, right? But I drove him here so how the fuck was he going to … maybe he walked or called a friend to give him a ride? My stomach rumbled loudly and I temporarily put my thoughts to the side in favor of finding food. I usually didn't get to eat dinner on the nights I DJ-ed, so I was going on about 15 hours or so without an actual meal.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and turned the TV on out of habit. I usually at least made an attempt to watch the news before finding something else that was mildly entertaining. Today, I skipped the news and just went straight to watching Cartoon Network. I wasn’t sure what this new show was supposed to be but it seemed pretty funny so whatever.

The next time I looked at the clock, it was almost 10:30. I turned the TV off and almost instantly went back to thinking about this morning. I scanned the counters to see if maybe he left a note or something, but there wasn’t even a trace that he’d been here other than the clothes I lent him still being in a pile on the floor.

I sighed and resigned myself to picking them up, since clearly they weren’t going to wash themselves. After starting a load of laundry and making the bed I pulled out my sketchbook again. I tried a few small doodles of bird skulls before deciding I was going to try and draw a main focus piece. It started out as just another bird and then I decided I wanted to make it a phoenix. However I got a little stuck on some of the angles and details so I decided to go grab my phone and pull up some reference pictures for detailing.

As soon as I had my phone in hand and unlocked I checked my notifications out of habit. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I saw the one in particular and I had to double take.

-8 new messages from CarcinoGeneticist-

Yep. That’s really what that says. Holy fuck. Ok. Don’t panic. Striders never panic. Keep it cool, collected, calm down man. I took a deep breath and clicked on the notification, opening the app.

CG:DAVE

CG: SORRY

CG: HAD TO RUN TO WORK

CG: NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

CG: I BLACKED OUT

CG: HANGOVERS SUCK ASS

CG: TEXT ME LATER TO FILL ME IN ON WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED PLEASE AND HOW I WOUND UP AT YOUR PLACE

CG: ALSO SORRY FOR WHATEVER I SAID LAST NIGHT. I PROMISE I DIDN’T MEAN ANY OF THE BULLSHIT I SAID.

I checked the timestamp on the messages and facepalmed. 8:20 a.m. The dude left like a whole fucking hour before I even got up. And I didn’t even notice a damn thing. On top of that, I didn’t know what the fuck he thought happened. His messages were really fucking vague. I did know that at least I was right with the suspicion that he had to go to work. Well, it was like 11 now, might as well message him back since I’ve left him hanging. Not like he’d get it since he’s at work, but it’s worth a try, right? Besides, it shows that I’ve seen the messages, can’t just leave him on ‘read’ and be a total dick.

TG: its cool dude

TG: work is important i hope you made it there on time

TG: as for last night

TG: its a long story bro

TG: id rather tell you when were both online

I was tempted to type more but decided to leave it at that for now. It’s not like there was anything else I could really say. I also wanted to leave room so that if he had questions about something that he could stop me and ask them in a live chat. I also wanted to ask him what he remembered from the night previous so that I didn’t rehash anything that might’ve been obvious.

I sat back down in the living room and went back to looking up reference pictures and drawing. I had a hard time sitting still though. I was, for once in my life, pretty fucking anxious about what someone else had to say. Well, actually it was probably the second time, but I am not going to dig up that crap pile of memories. That would only spike the anxiety that I was currently dealing with.

Surprisingly it was only about half an hour before my phone buzzed again with a response from Karkat. The shitty thing is that because I’d been holding my phone to keep an eye on the reference pic, I got startled when it buzzed and dropped it on the carpet. Real smooth, Strider I thought. Phone retrieved, I instantly opened the message

CG: I’VE PRETTY MUCH GOT THE REST OF THE DAY IF YOU’RE FREE TO TALK.

CG: LONG STORY SHORT, SHOWING UP AN HOUR LATE FOR WORK IN THE WRONG CLOTHES GETS YOU SENT HOME FOR THE DAY.

TG: oh man

TG: im sorry about that

TG: but yeah im free for the day too

CG: IT’S ALRIGHT. IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT THAT I BLACKED THE FUCK OUT LIKE A PRE-TEEN AT A HIGH SCHOOL PARTY.

TG: i wouldnt say it was that bad

TG: you seemed pretty chill to be honest

TG: if anything you were less uptight than you were at work

TG: no offense or anything there

CG: NONE TAKEN

CG: SO CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

CG: ERIDAN FILLED ME IN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CLUB FOR THE MOST PART. HE GOT BITS OF IT ON SNAPCHAT TOO. FUCKING DOUCHE.

TG: uh yeah

TG: what all did he cover

CG: HE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW I KEPT GETTING MORE SHOTS FROM ROXY.

CG: HOW I WAS APPARENTLY BEING A NUISANCE IN THE CROWD DURING YOUR SET. (FOR WHICH I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE).

CG: HE SNAPCHATTED ME CRAWLING UP ON TO THE STAGE (AGAIN SORRY).

CG: AND HE TOLD ME THAT I THREW UP IN THE PARKING LOT. (STILL VERY FUCKING SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE ME LIKE THAT).

CG: AND THAT’S PRETTY MUCH ALL I KNOW.

CG: WELL THAT AND THE FACT THAT I WOKE UP AT YOUR PLACE IN YOUR CLOTHES.

CG: WHICH REMINDS ME, HOW THE FUCK DID I GET IN YOUR CLOTHES?

CG: AND PLEASE TELL ME IT ISN’T WHAT I THINK IT IS.

TG: that depends on what you think it is

CG: WE DIDN’T . . . . . Y’KNOW . . . . DO THE DO, DID WE?

TG: do the do

TG: were both adults here

TG: you can say it karkat

TG: for fucks sake you work at a place that serves the devils dick

TG: you can say sex

TG: and no we didnt

TG: but let me explain

CG: OH THANK FUCKING GODS ALMIGHTY.

TG: ok ouch

TG: my pride

CG: IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!

CG: I JUST DON’T WANT TO FIND OUT I HAD BLACKOUT SEX. THAT’S SOMETHING I’D LIKE TO REMEMBER. SOMETHING I PREFER TO BE SOBER FOR.

CG: I’M NOT SAYING THAT I WOULDN’T DO YOU.

CG: FUCK

CG: I MEAN

CG: I’M NOT SAYING THAT I WOULD EITHER, BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

CG: YOU’RE NOT UNATTRACTIVE

CG: I’M JUST SAYING THAT IF WE WERE IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP THEN YEAH I’D PROBABLY BE DOWN FOR THAT BUT NOT LIKE THE FIRST FUCKING DAY THAT WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER

CG: FUCKING HELL

TG: it was a joke

TG: im not actually offended

TG: but damn that was entertaining to watch you stumble trying to fix the statement

CG: FUCK YOU

TG: im genuinely flattered here to know that im totally do-able

TG: all that aside

TG: do you want to know what actually happened last night

CG: YES

TG: then shut the hell up and let me type

TG: also feel free to ask questions cause shit gets fucking hilarious

CG: THOSE TWO STATEMENTS CONTRADICT YOU FUCKING IDIOT

TG: i am aware

TG: im also not your boss

TG: feel free to do whatever

TG: im gonna tell you a story now

CG: OK

TG: about a drunk man named kitkat who got so fucking drunk he couldnt even remember his own fucking phone password

TG: shits about to get hilarious

TG: ok so when you crawled up on stage i had no idea who the fuck you were at first and dirk called for security

TG: then when you crawled under the table i legit thought some stranger was about to give me head under the table

TG: dirk cracked up and noticed it was you before i did and when you popped up on the other side i almost died of embarrassment

TG: you embarrassed me in front of my brother

TG: security grabbed your ass

TG: i told them to let you go though and saved you like the true hero that i am

CG: OHMYGOD YOU FUCKING THOUGHT I WOULD SUCK YOU OFF UNDER THE TABLE

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY

CG: WHO THE FUCK DOES SHIT LIKE THAT

TG: ok 2 points here

TG: 1 i didnt know it was you

TG: 2 that shit happened to dirk once so it fucking happens sometimes

CG: PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING

TG: agreed

TG: anyway

TG: after that i let dirk have the set and walked you offstage

TG: i asked you who you were here with and you said your friends were over at some table being no fucking fun

TG: which made sense considering that you were wasted and your buddies seemed at least sober enough to walk in a straight line

TG: you were practically hanging on to me to keep yourself from stumbling

TG: i have no fucking clue why roxy didnt cut you off sooner

CG: ERIDAN SAID IT WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS ALMOST AS WASTED AS I WAS

TG: ok now that i believe

TG: but anyway i got you back to your friends who were literally fucking making out in a booth before we went over there

TG: you waved at them anyway as if they would fucking see you while sucking face

CG: FUCKING HELL I WAS WASTED. ALSO GODDAMN SOMEONE SHOULD’VE TOLD THEM TO GET A ROOM.

TG: exactly

TG: it was awkward

TG: i had to literally tap the one guys shoulder to get their attention

TG: i asked them if either of them were gonna be driving you home or if youd drove separate

TG: they told me that you drove your own ass here and were also supposed to be the pastel guys ride

TG: and you mustve misheard or some shit because you literally threw your keys at them and said something about having fun at the apartment

TG: so with all three of us staring at you wondering where the fuck your mind went i offered to take you home since i wasnt gonna make you sleep in the next room while they did whatever the fuck they were probably gonna be doing

CG: THANK YOU FOR FUCKING SAVING ME FROM THAT FATE.

TG: youre welcome

TG: anyway after that the one guy that wasnt in pastels shot back some remark and you flipped him off and sort of hugged onto me protectively

TG: so im guessing he said something about me maybe

TG: or at least you thought he had offended me in some way

TG: whatever it was it was kinda adorable and funny as shit

TG: so after that we went to check on roxy

TG: she was halfway to passing out

TG: so just as bad as you

TG: i left you with her for another three minutes to go tell the boss she should probably head home

TG: when i got back roxy had given you another shot of something golden that honestly looked like fireball but couldve been any type of whiskey

TG: before i could say anything you fucking downed it

TG: you goddamn trooper

CG: GEE THANKS

TG: yep

TG: then i told you we were gonna be heading out and you just kinda nodded and put your arms out like you wanted me to carry you

TG: im strong and all but not that strong

TG: i cant carry a drunk human adult all the way to my bro's car in the back lot from the front of the building

TG: so i helped you up and let you lean on me instead

TG: as soon as we got through the crowd and outside you stumbled forward to an empty parking space and let it loose

TG: im gonna take a guess and say that you were mixing liquors or that you dont usually get that wasted

CG: CORRECT ON BOTH ACCOUNTS. MY FIRST SHOTS OF THE NIGHT WERE VODKA. I REMEMBER THAT MUCH.

TG: awesome

TG: so that made a mess

TG: i made sure you didn’t get any on you and helped you back onto the sidewalk

TG: i had one of the bouncers come with us since the back lot is near an alley and the last thing we needed is to be fucking mugged while you were piss drunk and trying to get home.

TG: we got to the car safe and trying to get you in a fucking seat belt was impossible so i just said fuck it and drove you without it

TG: the whole car ride you fucking rambled on and on about some of the people in your life

CG: OH GOD WHO DID I MENTION?

CG: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

TG: you said somethin about your best friend gamzee

TG: said somethin along the lines of sollux being an asshole and eridan being a dick and then switched them and laughed about it

TG: im guessing that was supposed to be some sort of joke on their relationship

TG: dunno

CG: PROBABLY

TG: and then you mentioned and i quote ‘that bitch terezi’

CG: OH NO

CG: PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S ALL I SAID ABOUT HER

TG: i wish i could

TG: and if its the same bitch who i think it is then you had every right to say what you did about her

TG: long story short there was a lot of bashing going on and a lot of cuss words

TG: then you started rambling about some guy you met that day and how cute he was

TG: you said he was really funny and nice and that you were so excited to hang out with him again

TG: you also mentioned something about wanting him to kiss you

TG: rambled on for a good five minutes about his lips

TG: you innocent child you

CG: WELL THAT’S MORTIFYING

CG: SOMEONE JUST KILL ME NOW

TG: im gonna take a guess that you were talking about me

CG: YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO LET ME LIVE THAT DOWN, ARE YOU?

TG: probably not

TG: by the time we got there youd just finished talking and stared out at the building

TG: you asked where we were because apparently you forgot you were gonna be coming over to my place

TG: when i explained we were at my house you literally yelled ‘sleepovers’ and stormed out of the car, apparently fine enough walking on your own by that point

TG: i had to literally run to keep you from attempting to open my downstairs neighbors door

TG: then i had to guide you upstairs since im on the fucking second floor

TG: you giggled about it though and just shrugged with an ‘oops’ like it wasnt a big deal that you almost pulled a b&e while shitfaced

CG: B&E?

TG: breaking and entering

CG: FUCK. RIGHT.

TG: yeah

TG: so once in the safety of my place and before i could even close and lock the door you walked right up to the fucking fridge and pulled out my gallon of apple juice

CG: OH NO.

TG: oh yes

TG: your dumb ass straight up opened the bottle

TG: held it over your head with an impressive amount of drunken strength

TG: looked me right in the eyes and said and i quote ‘im dave the hot douche and i fucking make out with apple drinks’

TG: and fucking poured half the thing all over your face and body and onto the floor

TG: choking on the majority of it because no one can chug that much juice

CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE LYING

TG: i wish i could

TG: i really wish i could

TG: you wasted perfectly good aj in the name of mocking me

TG: you monster

CG: I’LL BUY YOU MORE I PROMISE

TG: you dont need to do that

TG: its cool

TG: i still have half a gallon remember

CG: I’M STILL GOING TO BUY YOU MORE

TG: we can discuss that later

TG: but back to you being drenched in juice

TG: i wrestled the bottle out of your hands and fucking capped it and put it away

TG: and you just fucking looked at me

TG: then you remembered your phone was in your pocket

TG: you panicked and threw it over the island counter and into the living room

TG: so i had to fucking chase it down and make sure it was ok and not damaged from the aj or the fact that you fucking threw it

TG: it was fine by the way

TG: as you probably know by the fact that youre on it right now

CG: DUH

TG: then when i turn around youre still just standing there in the kitchen

TG: i asked you what you were doing to which you beautifully replied ‘im sticky’

TG: so i showed you where the bathroom was so you could clean up and pulled out some clothes for you to wear

TG: a tee and pj pants

TG: but you didnt want to wear pants so i had to lend you boxer shorts instead

TG: you literally almost threw a fit about not wanting to wear pants by the way

TG: it was like babysitting a child

CG: SORRY ABOUT THAT TOO. I’VE ONLY BEEN THAT SHITFACED DRUNK ONCE BEFORE AND TO BE TOTALLY HONEST I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS LIKE BECAUSE LITERALLY FUCKING NO ONE WILL TELL ME EVEN TO THIS DAY.

TG: damn

TG: well i guess now you know

TG: maybe

TG: so then you left your sticky clothes on the floor of the bathroom and declared you were tired

CG: WHAT A FUCKING SCANDAL. CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR.

TG: yeah yeah smartass whatever

TG: i try to keep my house fucking clean thanks

TG: so i told you to go ahead and sleep wherever and you hopped up on my bed

TG: i went and cleaned up the floor and then rinsed your clothes in cold water so that theyd at least be kind of clean and then laid them out to dry on the couch because im fucking nice like that

CG: THANKS

TG: then i went back to change into my own pajamas

TG: i heard you scream and literally ran back into the room shirtless only to find you laying exasperatedly with your phone in your hand

TG: you just looked at me and said ‘it wont fucking open’

TG: i got confused and asked you what the fuck you were talking about

TG: you got up and shoved your phone in my face saying that it wouldnt open and that you tried everything

TG: you couldnt unlock your own fucking phone man

CG: THAT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS THOUGH.

CG: LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME

TG: you were drunk out of your mind

TG: and yes it was hilarious

TG: i just rolled my eyes at you and told you that your phone was tired and wanted to sleep just like you

TG: and you fucking believed me

TG: then i started walking back to the living room because i was going to sleep out there like a fucking gentleman and gracious host

CG: I THINK I KNOW WHERE THAT’S GOING

CG: FUCK

TG: yeah

TG: probably

TG: you fucking called out for me

TG: stopping me

TG: you demanded that i sleep in my own bed

TG: said that you wouldnt mind and that since its my house i should sleep there

TG: i was just tired enough to say fuck it and not argue with you about it

TG: so thats how you wound up at my place in my clothes and in bed with me

TG: do you believe me now when i say we didnt do the do

CG: OK YES

CG: I FUCKING BELIEVE YOU

CG: BUT ALSO WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO SPEAK TO ME AFTER ALL THAT?

CG: LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?

CG: HAVE I NOT SHOWN YOU HOW FUCKING TERRIBLE I AM YET?

CG: WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO CONVINCE A MAN THAT I’M LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH?

TG: dude chill

TG: everyone is impossible when theyre shitfaced

TG: its fucking fine

TG: you werent even that bad

CG: YOU SAID IT WAS LIKE BABYSITTING A CHILD

TG: yeah

TG: kids are easy to take care of though

TG: you just have to play along with their shit until they go to sleep

TG: its not that bad

CG: ARE YOU SURE?

TG: karkat its fucking fine

TG: im still talking to you arent i

TG: that should tell you that i want to be

TG: i dont waste my time on shit that i dont want to fucking do unless im getting paid for it

TG: and im not paid to talk to you

TG: i promise you that

CG: OK FINE.

CG: I BELIEVE YOU.

CG: I DON’T GET IT.

CG: BUT I’LL BELIEVE YOU.

CG: ALSO A QUICK QUESTION . . . .

TG: anything

CG: ARE WE STILL ON FOR FRIDAY?

TG: if you still wanna go then yeah

CG: AND IF I EMBARRASS MYSELF AGAIN? THEN WHAT?

TG: then we laugh it off dude

TG: its just coffee

TG: whats the worst that could happen

TG: you hate the drink and i have to drink it for you

TG: you spill it on yourself

TG: whatever happens im sure itll be fine

TG: dont freak about it

CG: ALRIGHT. I GUESS THAT’S TRUE. WITHOUT ALCOHOL INVOLVED IT SHOULD BE PRETTY SAFE.

TG: thats the spirit

CG: THANKS DAVE

CG: FOR, YOU KNOW, NOT TOTALLY GIVING UP ON ME AFTER I EMBARRASSED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF.

TG: id be an asshole if i didn’t at least give you a second chance

TG: besides

TG: if this does develop into a relationship ill have already seen you at your worst

TG: and if thats the worst youve got then youre far from being a handful

CG: STILL, THANKS.

TG: no problem

CG: I’LL LET YOU GET BACK TO WHATEVER IT WAS YOU WERE DOING BEFORE I GOT ON HERE AND BOTHERED YOU

TG: you didnt bother me

TG: but if youve got stuff to do then its cool

CG: ALRIGHT, UM. SEE YOU FRIDAY.

TG: yea see you friday

TG: and dont be a stranger

TG: feel free to message me whenever even if you just wanna chat

CG: WILL DO.

And with that we mutually left each other to our own shit. I could’ve probably spent the whole day talking to him if he wanted, but at the same time I’d probably run out of shit to say very quickly. Regardless it was nice to have all of that out and to know that if anything he thinks he’s the one that fucked up instead of me being the douche that practically kidnapped him and fucking slept next to him, making him think shit happened. I decided to try and put that whole thing behind me and focus on what the hell I was going to do about Friday. What do you suggest to someone who hates coffee in order to get them to maybe not hate coffee so much? I’ll probably just ask Rose about it later.

I checked the time again and noticed that it was almost 1pm now. I resolved myself to putting away my sketchbook and getting ready to go out. I was gonna go ahead and drop by Dirk’s place to work on our next set since I knew for a fact he was gonna be home all day today. I had a song stuck in my head that i really wanted to work into a new beat and all our equipment was at his place.

“I’m losing and this is my real life. I’m half asleep and I am wide awake. This habit is always so hard to break. I don’t wanna be the bad guy. Been blaming myself and I think you know why.”

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

The rest of the week went by smoothly enough. Tuesday and Wednesday I spent some very boring mornings at the radio station grabbing discs for my boss’ setlist for the day. Then I had the afternoons of both days with Dirk since he also had some new jams he wanted to work with. We wound up with a whole new set in the end that we would be showcasing this weekend and were both pretty psyched about it. Speaking of this weekend, Jake would be coming to see that show instead since Dirk decided to be a baby and “forget” to invite Jake the night I won the bet at dinner. Fucking douche thinks he can pull a fast one on me. Nice try bro. Thursday I had an afternoon shift at the station so I decided to go to the gym in the morning. I don’t make a scheduled habit of it, but I got a year membership as some sort of shitty christmas gift last year from Dirk and Jake (at the time they were just friends but went in together on this gift. Jake’s idea). I wasn’t about to waste their money by not going.

Karkat had messaged me a few times throughout the week, mostly just idle chitchat like how our days had been, how shitty some customers were, how annoying my boss was and his shit taste in music, things like that. Thursday night after getting home from work I noticed a text asking what time to meet up the following morning. I had to mentally facepalm for the fact that we’d never actually set a time. I told him 10:30am and he seemed fine enough with that.

Regardless of the time I’d told Karkat, I’d set my alarm for 9am so that there was no way in hell I could possibly be late. So when I woke up, I went through the usual routine of showering and shaving and everything. I spent a good ten minutes deciding which fucking shirt to wear because as much as I knew it wasn’t a date, I had this urge to dress a little nicer. I settled on casual t-shirt and jeans though because I didn’t want to send the wrong message and make Karkat think that I thought it was a date or something. Better just to play it cool and impress him with my personality instead.

I made the decision to walk there. A thing that I rarely did since I always had my skateboard. However, I didn’t bother to check the time when I left and failed to realize just how early I’d left the house. So now here I was, 10:05am, chillin at Starbucks early as hell and waiting for him. I held off on getting my coffee so that it wasn’t obvious I’d been sitting here for as long as I had. Also so that I could pay for both our drinks at the same time.

While waiting I occupied myself with planning out just what to order for Karkat. I figured he’d probably like frappuccinos, what with the fact that you could barely ever taste the coffee in them. Probably mocha or caramel for his sweet tooth. In all honesty it wasn’t hard to plan out some stuff that he might like since a lot of the things here tasted great without tasting too strongly of coffee. That sought out, I looked around the place and realized that despite it being so early in the morning, the inside of the cafe was almost completely deserted right now. I also noticed one of the baristas staring at me from over the counter. I stared back for a minute because I could’ve swore I’d seen him somewhere before. I couldn’t place where, but he seemed vaguely familiar. He seemed to have the same thought because he left his coworkers behind the counter and headed over to the table I was sitting at.

“You’re Dave right?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah …. Have we met before? I mean you seem familiar but … ”

“We met a few days ago …. You took my roommate home with you earlier this week …. Douche named Karkat ringing any bells?”

“Oh fuck. You’re his roommate. Right. Right. My bad. Sorry. What’s your name again?” That seemed to rub him the wrong way.

“Eridan.” He quipped.

“Nice to see you again, Eridan.”

“Yeah, I’m sure …. So you guys are havin your lil date thing here? Kar mentioned goin out with you for coffee but I didn’t realize I’d be graced with the pleasure of watching it probably crash and burn. You know the guy hates coffee right?” Geeze this guy was a prick.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t know if i’d call it a date per se … and what makes you think that it’s gonna crash and burn just because he claims to hate coffee. I’m pretty sure he won’t hate the drink I’ve got in mind for him and I doubt he’s tried everything.”

“Your loss if you fuck it up. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He examined his nails in the most flamboyant and annoying way possible.

“Why are you telling me this anyway? What do you have to gain here?”

“Oh nothing at all. I just really don’t want to watch my roommate go on a shitty date that he won’t enjoy with someone who’s being selfish in their interests from the start. You picking a place that you like instead of asking him where he wants to go is being selfish as all hell, even if you claim it’s not a date. Who knows what else you’d be selfish with when your first interaction with a person is somewhere you’d want to go? Because if he falls for you, as I’m sure he will, and later on realizes that you care more about yourself than him, then I’ll have to pick up the pieces. Again. That’s not something I enjoy doing and I’m sure he doesn’t like being broken down either. So do us all a favor and take him somewhere else that he might actually enjoy.” Something in me snapped right then. I didn’t come here to be fucking attacked by this douche.

“Ok first of all, If he didn’t want to come today then he wouldn’t. He didn’t have to agree to anything he didn’t want to do and could have easily turned me down or suggested something else. I’m about 900% sure he’d have no problem doing so, in fact. And secondly, where the fuck do you get off trying to tell me what I care about and on what level. I just barely fucking met you a few days ago. You don’t know a damn fucking thing about me. Nice try though, trying to pull this apart like you’re trying to find the meaning in a book for your high school essay, you fucking child. I understand that he’s your friend and that you’re worried about him, but you don’t need to worry. It’s not a fucking date and I’m not going to break his goddamn heart.” If anything he might just break mine by shit like this never being a date. I didn’t say that last bit out loud but damn did I want to.

“Oh honey, that’s cute. You think I don’t know you. I know more about you than you probably do. Hoo, the things I’ve heard about you. You’d better believe word gets around amongst queens.” I inhaled sharply at that comment. So that’s why he fucking hated me. “That’s right honey, I know your game. Play with his heart and it’ll be the last time you even get so much as a half-assed hook-up in this town and anything within a hundred mile radius.”

“I would try and explain to you what the fuck actually happened but I’m sure that dickhead has already painted me a villain in your mind for good. I doubt anything I say could change your mind. But for the love of all that is good, please don’t fuck this up for me. I’m not playing anything here. I genuinely like this guy, ok. I’m not fucking around. Trust me, I wish it was a date. But since it’s not, I’m going to do my damn best to impress him. I don’t know if he told you, but we didn’t fucking hook up. Nothing has happened so far. I’m glad it hasn’t either. I want to do this right. And if I ever hurt him you have full permission to hunt me down and beat me to a pulp or whatever you want to do. I promise. Just please, don’t fuck this up for me.” He seemed to take a few moments to soak all that in. Meanwhile I internally winced at how fucking honest I had to be with Eridan. I normally wouldn’t put all my cards on the table like that. But he knew the wrong side of a story from my past and I didn’t want Karkat to get wind of that before I had the chance to explain. I wanted to tell him myself, if anything.

“Fine. I’ll keep quiet for now. But you owe me your side of the story. Also I’m going to hold you to your word. You break his heart and I get to break your face.”

“Agreed. We can talk about that later. Karkat’s gonna be here any minute now. Can we please just pretend this didn’t happen when he’s around and try to get along?”

“I’m a performer. Of fucking course I can pretend I don’t fucking hate you.” He dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Ok so it’s not so much that I hate you. It’s more like if I were driving past you walking down the street and there was a huge puddle by the curb, I wouldn’t even try to avoid the puddle.”

“Gee thanks.”

“No problem. And good luck with getting him to like coffee. You’re honestly better off teaching a pig to fly, but whatever.” He said while walking away and back behind the counter.

Not even two minutes later Karkat walked through the door apprehensively. To say that I was stunned into silence was an understatement. I immediately felt underdressed because he looked fucking perfect. Even in just a simple blue sweater, jeans, and black boots he looked amazing. Just absolutely adorable and attractive and just damn. He looked nice, ok. It looked nice on him.

After practically drooling the way I was, I returned to reality when I realized he hadn’t spotted me in the corner yet but had waved at Eridan instead. The barista waved back, feigning surprise and then proceeded to flip Karkat off. Of course Karkat returned the gesture and then scanned the room, finally landing on me. I waved sort of sheepishly and he came over to my table.

“You look good today.” I offered casually.

“Compared to my stuffy work shit or the visual of me throwing up, I’m sure it’s an improvement.” He laughed nervously and I couldn’t help but smile and roll my eyes.

“Regardless of the comparison, it’s a nice outfit dude. Genuine compliment there.” He gave me a more relaxed smile and my stomach did that stupid butterflies flipping thing.

“Fine. So what experimental shit are we subjecting me to on this fine morning?” He asked, hopping into the seat across from mine.

“Before we make that decision I must ask. Which do you like more: regular chocolate, caramel, or mint chocolate?”

“I’ll go with mint chocolate I guess.”

“Cool, then I know exactly what to get you. You and your sweet tooth are gonna love this, I promise.”

“Promises are serious fucking business, Dave. You’d better not let me down.” He teased.

“I don’t intend to. And if you completely hate it then you can pick somewhere else for us to go that you'd like more and I’ll pay. Anywhere at all. Deal?” I moved to get up and get in line.

“You’re really that confident that I’m going to like this drink?” Karkat pushed his chair in and followed me.

“I am. I really am. This is going to be the best coffee you’ve ever had. You won’t even be able to tell that it’s coffee. It’s that good.”

“Alright. If it’s that fucking amazing then I’ll trust you.” He scooted closer to me in line as someone else came up behind us.

“Want anything else with it? Maybe a pastry or something?” Looking through the glass had me contemplating on getting a donut or a cookie or something.

“We’ll see if I like the drink first. I’d rather not commit to crappy food here if there’s a chance we might be leaving.” He scoffed, still skeptical as all hell. Not like I expected anything different of him.

When it was finally my turn to order, I was thankful beyond all hell that Eridouche wasn’t the one at the register. “I’ll take a tall midnight mint mocha frappuccino and a venti java chip frappuccino.” Easy enough. I paid, we waited, my name was called. Y’all know the drill for Starbucks. Then came the moment of truth.

Karkat picked up his drink and eyed it questioningly. “And you’re sure this is going to taste fucking good? It looks really dark, Dave. Like almost black coffee dark. Like you ordered me black coffee with whipped cream and fucking charcoal dust on top.”

“You can stop criticising and try it any time now.” I chuckled, sipping my own drink and walking back towards our table.

“Can you tell me what’s in it first?” Karkat asked, trailing behind me and then slipping back into the same seat he’d been in earlier.

“Mint, chocolate, whipped cream, ice, milk, more chocolate and a little bit of coffee. Also all the love of the barista who made it and possibly a splash of heaven.”

“I’m seriously questioning some of those ingredients.” He held the cup a little closer and sniffed the drink, causing some of the cocoa dust on top to flutter about. I couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Don’t snort the damn thing, kitkat. Just drink it, damn. It’s not a dime of coke.”

“Ok first of all, fuck you for implying I do coke. Secondly, I don’t want to hate the drink and waste your money though.”

“Well whether you hate it or not, I’ve already bought it. So it’s too late to get my money back. Remember we can always go somewhere else if you don’t want your drink. Now would you please just try it and stop being an apprehensive baby.”

“I am not a fucking baby.” He hissed.

“No? Then try the coffee drink and join the world of adults who thrive on caffeine.” I was only teasing him of course, but it was still fun as all hell to push his buttons.

“Fine, if it’ll get you to shut the fuck up.” He finally figured out how to use a straw and took a sip from his damn drink. No reaction at first so he was either trying to poker face that shit or he honestly didn’t like it. He swallowed and raised an eyebrow at me. “What the fuck did you order me? This isn’t coffee. It tastes like some kind of weird bittersweet european mint chocolate but it isn’t fucking coffee.”

“Uh, yeah. It is. Go ahead and ask your barista friend behind the counter there if you don’t believe me.” I smirked. Karkat looked like he was about to get up and do just that but then turned back to me.

“Ok, fine. I believe you. You wouldn’t send me fucking all the way over there otherwise”

“Unless I wanted you to look like a dumbass asking a barista in a coffee shop if your coffee drink had coffee in it.” I pointed out.

The boy looked perplexed about that before rolling his eyes at me and taking a lengthy sip from his drink this time. “Fucking douche.” Pause. “You’ll have to write the name of this down for me for next time.”

“Next time? Are you implying there will be a second coffee outing friend-date thing? Whatever you wanna call it.” I knew I was jumping the gun on the whole thing, but honestly I was eager. Maybe too eager. I also hoped he wouldn’t dwell on the whole ‘friend-date’ phrasing.

“Technically, I was saying that I’m going to be coming back to Starbucks eventually and this would be the only thing I’d order so I need the name of it. But if you want to come with then sure, we can be coffee friends or some basic shit like that.”

Shot down. Fatally wounded. Someone call 911. I’ve been friend-zoned already. Then again, who knows because he did say that he wanted to be friends first before trying to date. Fuck. I don’t know what to make of this now. And I should probably stop over-thinking it because he’s staring at me. Fuck, he looks kinda offended. I’m a dick.

“Huh? Oh, right. Coffee friends. Yea. Sounds cool.” I scratched the back of my head nervously.

“No. It’s fucking lame. Forget I said anything.” He looked off to the side, avoiding eye contact. Shit, I definitely caused that.

“No no. It’s cool. I’m glad you like the drink really. And I’m totally down for getting coffee together more often. I just sorta spaced out there at the wrong time.” I tried.

“You sure? I still haven’t messed shit up enough for you to give up?” My heart fucking died. This man was so fucking insecure it was insane. I wanted to fix that so badly. I just wanted to show him that someone gave a fuck and cared about him and that he didn’t fuck everything up. I wanted to be that someone that gave a fuck, too. But that would have to wait until he was ready for that.

“Of course not. Do I need to rickroll you for you to figure out that I’m not gonna give you up that easily?” That made him smile some and he rolled his eyes at me again. His smile was too fucking cute.

“Please don’t. I think I get the idea without hearing that shitty fucking song.”

“Good. Otherwise I would’ve had to drop down and serenade it to you in front of this entire coffee shop.”

“Thank fuck you’re not doing that.”

“I still could….” I teased, pausing for a moment. “But seriously, did you wanna go ahead and go somewhere else anyway? My treat still, even though you actually liked the coffee.” Speaking of which, both of us were almost done with our drinks already.

“Hmmm …. Is there a distance limit?” Karkat inquired, stirring his straw in mild interest.

“Nothing out of country.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Can you just answer something seriously without being a sarcastic asshole?” His voice said irritation but his eyes said amusement.

“Fine. I guess our limit depends on whether or not you drove here. I walked.”

“I drove. And I’m fine with driving us around. Though is it really your treat if I’m the driver?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“I’ll reimburse you for the gas, no worries karks. I’ve got you covered.” I winked behind my shades and pointed a finger gun at him before realizing I’d been spending too much time with Dirk and Jake.

“Oh.I wasn’t trying to get you to fucking pay for it. You really don’t have to do that.”

“But I want to. I promised to pay today and I’m going to stick to that. You won’t have to shell out a single penny this time. Alright?”

“Ok but that means that I pay for shit on the next outing. It’s only fair.” He’s such a goddamn saint, with a mouth like a sailor. How did I manage to get him to give me the time of day?

“Sure. Deal. And you can pick what we do, since I did kind of pick the coffee thing this time.”

“We can cross that fucking bridge when we get there. For now I want to focus on where we’re going to go next today.”

“Alright, then pick something kitkat. It’s all up to you today, remember?”

“What about ….. ngh nevermind it’s fucking stupid.” He ducked his head down again as if embarrassed he’d even started to say anything.

“No, no. It’s probably far from stupid. What were you about to say?”

“Well, it’s still not a fucking date, but if you wanted we could go to the mall or the movies or something over in that part of town.”

“I dunno, that really does sound like a date. Coffee and a movie? Might wanna save that stuff for when we’re ready to make a more serious commitment. Right now we’re only at coffee friends tier. We need to be like ten tiers higher for public outings like that.” I smirked. I only hoped he could tell I was giving him a hard time and not being fucking serious about all that.

He fucking deadpanned. “Are you really fucking mocking me right now?”

“Maybe. But you know it’s just to get you smiling.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth I fucking flushed red. I did not mean to say that last bit out loud. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why the hell?

It was quiet across the table. A little too quiet if you ask me. My mind started racing again with all the thoughts of how he’d probably never talk to me again because I was rushing things. I was so fucking worried about pushing too fast or saying something too soon here and I had just gone and ruined it all.

“So um. Did you actually wanna go to the mall though?” He cut in, shutting all my thoughts up instantly. Did he really just brush it off that easily? Maybe this wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. Alright. Ok. Time to get my fucking cool back.

“Yeah. Yes. Definitely. Let’s go hang at the mall.” I nodded.

He moved to get up and I followed instantly, both of us chucking our now empty coffee cups. I mentally chided myself and tried to keep reminding myself that I didn’t need to flirt it the fuck up because this wasn’t a date.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

“So after a morning of subtle flirting, learning that I like coffee, and learning that I actually kind of like Dave more than I thought I would, we got in my car and headed to the mall. On the way I turned on the radio and we both sang along to at least half of the songs.” It was really nice to not sing alone in the car to be fucking honest. In fact it was nice to get in my car for once and not feel the instant need for a cigarette to calm down from whatever had just happened before I had to leave. I actually felt fine for once. But I wasn’t about to verbally admit to that. “Then at the mall we just hung out for a few hours, window shopping and shit. Y’know. The usual stuff people do at the mall when they don’t actually fucking want or need to buy anything. He even gave me some cash for gas. I tried to refuse but he left it in my car when I dropped him back off at his place. So I guess I’m stuck with it. And yeah, that’s how that went.”

“Sounds like ya had a real nice date Karks. I’m glad the guy’s treatin you right already.” Meenah said, though she sounded kind of complacent in all fucking honesty. For someone who wanted details she really seemed bored to hear them.

“It wasn’t a date. We’re not together. It was just kind of a friend outing thing. Whatever the fuck that’s called. It wasn’t a date though, we both confirmed that.”

“Whateva ya say kid.” She waved it off. “So when are ya gonna see him again?”

“Monday after work. It’s my turn to pick what we do, but I still haven’t decided.”

“Why not take him dancin or somefin?” She suggested.

“Hell no. That sounds way too much like a date. It’s gotta be something people can do as just friends.”

“Friends can go out dancing together. I go with the Serkets all the time. Ain’t no biggie.”

“Ok but do you hit on other people while you’re out dancing as friends?”

“Well yea. Ok. I see your point.” She slouched back into her desk chair and tented her fingers like she was some sort of evil villain.

“Yeah. I’m not exactly trying to set him up with some fucking one night stand while we’re getting to know each other.”

“Ok. Tell me again why you two ain’t datin right now? You’re basically committin to each other with how you’re actin. Not allowed to get one night stands or flirt with anyone else or nothin.” She was now spinning around in her chair, clearly bored with the conversation that I was too stubborn to give up just yet.

“First of all, it’s an unspoken agreement, we never technically said we couldn’t see other people in the meantime or have one night stands. Secondly, I don’t want to just jump into a fucking relationship with someone that I don’t know shit about.”

“So instead you’ll have an unspoken agreement with him to stay off the market until you decide you know him enough? Sounds shella crazy if you ask me. I’d be careful how long you take to decide, or he might just move on without you.”

“Well I wasn’t fucking asking you for advice, thanks. I was just giving you the details you requested. Your opinion isn’t necessary or wanted here.” I huffed, rolling my eyes at her. She may be a good friend, but sometimes she really grated my nerves. In my opinion, she had no place to be weighing in on my love life since she often tried to catch my interest despite my preferences.

“Whateva. You’ve got ten minutes left a your lunch break. Go ahead an grab somethin from Tav in the kitchen. Tell him it’s on me.”

“Sure. Thanks.” And with that I got my food, finished my break, and continued on with the boring day.

However some of the things Meenah had said were sticking with me so when I got home I messaged Dave again.

CG: HEY, JUST GOT HOME

TG: no shit

TG: me too

TG: what a coincidence

CG: YOU’VE BEEN HOME ALL AFTERNOON, YOU SHIT

TG: are you stalking me karkat

TG: i’m honored

TG: also a little creeped out

TG: but mostly honored.

CG: YOU ASSMUNCHER. YOU TOLD ME YESTERDAY THAT YOU’D BE OFF AFTER 2

CG: IT IS CURRENTLY 5PM

CG: I DO POSSESS A DECENT FUCKING MEMORY AND THE CAPABILITY TO READ A CLOCK, BELIEVE IT OR NOT

TG: alright alright

TG: you caught me

TG: so whats up

TG: how was your day

CG: FUCKING AWFUL AS USUAL

CG: MY BOSS WAS BEING NOSY AS ALL HELL

TG: you mean the same chill boss that paid for my food

CG: YES. I ONLY HAVE ONE BOSS, DAVE.

TG: ok

TG: with you so far

TG: go on

CG: THAT’S ALL THERE WAS TO IT, REALLY

TG: aw

TG: you mean youre not gonna tell me what she was being nosy about

CG: NOPE

TG: so you knowingly brought up a topic that id be interested in just to shut me down without details

TG: thats cold karkat

TG: im hurt

TG: dont you trust me

CG: DAVE. IF YOU COULD HEAR ME SIGHING RIGHT NOW AND SEE ME ROLLING MY EYES, YOU’D KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS YOU’RE BEING

CG: BUT SINCE YOU CAN’T I’LL FUCKING HUMOR YOU

TG: score

CG: SHE WANTED TO KNOW IF WE WERE DATING YET

TG: we as in you and her

CG: YES, DAVE. ME AS IN ME AND HER. BECAUSE MY FUCKING GAY ASS WOULD TOTALLY GO FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ABSOLUTELY. HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD. ACE DETECTIVE STRIDER OVER HERE

TG: hey man i dont judge

TG: who you date is your business

CG: FUCK YOU.

CG: I MEANT WE AS IN YOU AND ME. OBVIOUSLY.

TG: ah right

TG: so you told her the deal then im guessing

TG: how did she take it

CG: HOW SHE TAKES IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. SHE CAN HANDLE THAT SHIT ON HER OWN.

CG: BUT SHE DID MAKE ME THINK ABOUT SOME STUFF

CG: AND I WANTED TO KNOW SOMETHING

TG: ok sure

CG: DO YOU THINK IT’S STUPID THAT I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BEFORE DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO DATE YOU? LIKE AREN’T YOU GOING TO GET BORED AFTER A WHILE? I PROMISE I’M NOT TRYING TO STRING YOU ALONG OR LEAD YOU ON OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I JUST REALLY DON’T WANT TO GET INTO SOMETHING SERIOUS WITHOUT KNOWING YOU WELL.

TG: i dont think its stupid no

TG: what i do think is stupid is that youre letting her get to you and make you second guess your decisions

TG: i dont mind waiting and being coffee buds for a while first

TG: so dont worry im not going anywhere

TG: but i gotta ask you something too

CG: YEAH?

TG: before i do keep an open mind about what im gonna say

TG: im not trying to influence your decisions at all

TG: just want you to think it over

That honestly made me really fucking nervous. My mind was so caught up in its own train of thought that I couldn’t track where Dave was going with this. I had no idea. It wasn’t adding up. Before I reeled myself into a minor panic attack though, I figured it’d just be best to see what it was. No point in procrastinating the inevitable.

CG: OK. SURE. WHAT IS IT?

TG: if youre promising not to lead me on then arent you basically promising that we are gonna be a thing eventually

TG: i just dont want you to make a promise that you havent thought through 100% or arent sure if youre gonna be able to keep

TG: promises are serious business

I dropped my phone onto the bed below me and just stared at it for a long moment. I couldn’t help the shock I was feeling in that moment. I was being called out. I knew he was doing it to protect me so that I had a chance to take back the promise, but the thing is that I didn’t want to take it back …… And that was just the problem. I didn’t want to take it back. I … I wanted to promise Dave that we’d be a thing eventually. I wanted to be with Dave. Eventually. Was this the breakthrough he was trying to make me have? Because it was fucking working.

I started to realize that this wasn’t as simple as wanting to get to know Dave first before agreeing to date him. It was much more that. I was scared to commit to someone who I wasn’t sure would be in it for the long run. So I was trial-dating him. It was so fucking obvious now. I felt like such a piece of shit. But it was already done. On top of that, what was I going to do now? I couldn’t just explain to him that I was afraid of commitment and then ask him out. No one in their right mind would agree to something like that. I had no idea of where to go from here. What the fuck was a guy supposed to do in a situation like this? Fuck.

I could think of at least a dozen things that would happen if this were some sort of romcom. The problem with that is that life isn’t a romcom. Life is very different from movies. Much more complicated and unpredictable. In life things almost never go how you expect them to. So I couldn’t logically expect that if I told Dave that I didn’t want to take the promise back that he would be all fine and dandy with that. He would probably want to know if that meant we were officially dating now then. Or at least when we would be. Or something like that. Or he’d want to know why I was waiting then or what I was waiting for. And I didn’t have an answer for any of those things right now.

I didn’t know what exactly I wanted to do. I was content with just being whatever the hell we were right now. Nothing heavy to worry about. No concern over a major attachment or clinginess or cute gushy sentiment or whether or not his friends would like me. None of those were things I had to deal with right now and I liked it that way. I liked having my space. I didn’t want to leap head first into this just yet. But at the same time, I did want to be with him. I wanted him to know that I don’t like the idea of him sleeping around with people or flirting with people or anything. I wanted to make that perfectly clear.

I’m so fucking selfish. What the hell is wrong with me? Stupid Karkat. Fucking stupid. You can’t just reserve someone for yourself until you’re ready. That’s not fair to them. I knew I’d probably have to just take back the promise and let the chips fall where they may.

I took a few deep breaths before picking up my phone again. Of course there were more messages from Dave. Obviously. I mean I’d just left him hanging for a solid ten minutes at the very least, lost in my own thoughts.

TG: karkat

TG: you still there dude

TG: sorry if i pressured you

TG: i didnt mean to at all

TG: far from it

TG: and please dont think you have to take anything back or own up to anything

TG: im not holding you to it

TG: just trying to be precautious

TG: looking out for you and all

TG: also kind of looking out for myself too

TG: because i really like spending time with you

TG: and i dont want to fuck it up by going too fast or flirting too much

TG: i really dont want to blow this or make you uncomfortable

TG: but i also dont want to get my hopes up when i see the word promise

TG: like i dont want to take what you said the wrong way

TG: i guess im just asking for clarification

TG: so now that ive put my cards on the table, i guess just take them as you will

TG: get back to me whenever

TG: im free all night so ill be here

Just when I thought I knew what I was going to say, he had to go and do that. When the hell did he get so sweet and caring and serious? Not that I minded. It was …. refreshing. But this was exactly what I meant when I said that I wanted to get to know a person first before dating them. I wanted to know more than just the side of them that they show in public or to their friends. More than just the side that’s trying to be impressive and flirty. I want to know the person underneath all that smoothness and composure.

Then again, Dave was already showing me some of that. Or he was trying at least. And he was definitely showing me that he was willing to work with me and open up to me. And that said a fucking lot. So maybe I knew what my answer was then.

CG: YEAH. I’M STILL HERE.

CG: JUST KIND OF SPACED OUT FOR A WHILE THERE.

CG: THINKING ABOUT . . . . STUFF

TG: good stuff or bad stuff

CG: A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH I GUESS.

TG: yeah

CG: SO

CG: HEAR ME OUT

TG: of course

CG: I DON’T WANT TO TAKE BACK THAT PROMISE.

CG: BUT I ALSO DON’T WANT TO JUMP RIGHT INTO A RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY

CG: I’M … I’M ACTUALLY REALLY HAPPY WITH WHERE WE’RE AT RIGHT NOW

CG: I GUESS, I JUST DON’T WANT TO PUT THE TITLE OF A RELATIONSHIP ON IT JUST YET BECAUSE OF ALL THE IMPLICATIONS THAT THAT COMES WITH.

CG: LIKE I DON’T KNOW IF I’M READY FOR ALL THE INTIMACY AND KISSES AND HAND HOLDING AND ‘I LOVE YOU’S AND ALL THAT GUSHY SHIT THAT COMES WITH IT.

CG: I LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE NOW. HOW WE GO GET COFFEE TOGETHER AND HAVE REGULAR CONVERSATIONS AND BITCH ABOUT OUR JOBS AND WALK AROUND THE MALL FOR HOURS JUST LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT RANDOM SHIT.

CG: I DON’T WANT ALL THAT TO CHANGE OR GO AWAY JUST YET.

CG: I HOPE THAT MAKES SOME SORT OF SENSE.

Dave P.O.V. (switching it up)

I read and re-read what he was saying a few times over. I had to take a deep breath though because this was going to get real in a minute. Did he really think that everything had to change once you’re in a relationship with someone? This isn’t middle school where you ask someone out and ten minutes later you’re calling each other babe and saying ‘i love you’ and shit like that. Things didn’t have to change like the flip of a switch or like a superhero getting a distress call. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that Karkat probably hadn’t been in many decent relationships before. He’d only ever mentioned one ex, and that was Terezi. So I know that shit didn’t go down well.Long story that I’ll save for later. Right now I had to educate this dense, beautiful, amazing boy on how healthy relationships work. And if he still wanted to wait, then that’d be fine by me. Karkat was worth waiting for.

TG: yeah kinda

TG: but im gonna be real with you right now

TG: karkat we dont have to be all mushy and shit right away if were in a relationship

TG: we can move at our own pace

TG: i mean of course i respect it if you dont want to put a title on things just yet

TG: and youre perfectly entitled to your opinion on how romance works and all

TG: not bashing anything here

TG: no judgement either

TG: i promise you that

TG: im just telling you that it doesnt have to be that way

TG: we can just casually date without laying it on thick

TG: thats absolutely an option

TG: it may sound juvenile to other people but fuck them because whats really juvenile is deciding to date someone and two seconds later calling them babe and shit

TG: thats literally what kids do

TG: now of course thats just my opinion on it

TG: but since im interested in you i wanted you to know where i stood on the whole ‘how relationships work’ thing

TG: and you dont have to agree with me

TG: its all completely up to you on how you want to take this and where we stand

TG: like i said ill be here

TG: and if i just blew everything then you can totally just tell me to fuck off and ill leave you alone

CG: NO

CG: NO NO

CG: FAR FROM IT

CG: JUST . . . . . LET ME GATHER MY THOUGHTS REAL QUICK

TG: ok yea

TG: take your time

I cannot begin to describe the amount of relief that washed over me. At the very least he wasn’t going to tell me to fuck off. I relaxed back into the pillows on my bed and watched the dots on the screen that told me he was typing.

CG: SO, I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. ABSOLUTELY. I JUST . . . . DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BUT I JUST HONESTLY WOULDN’T KNOW HOW. LIKE . . . . I GUESS I WOULD WANT IT TO BE CLEAR THAT WE’RE DATING TO OTHER PEOPLE IF WE WERE TO DATE. SO I WOULD WANT TO BE THAT CLOSE AND LOVEY DOVEY AND ALL. AT LEAST THAT’S THE IDEA THAT I HAVE IN MY HEAD ABOUT HOW I WANT THINGS. I’M NOT 100% SURE IF ITS ACCURATE.

CG: AND I KNOW THAT’S FUCKING STUPID AND THAT OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS SHOULDN’T MATTER THAT MUCH TO ME. I JUST . . . I DON’T WANT THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN WE’RE OUT IN PUBLIC WHERE SOMEONE COMES UP AND TRIES TO FLIRT WITH YOU OR SOMETHING AND I HAVE TO FUCKING EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT YOU’RE NOT AVAILABLE. OR VICE VERSA IF YOU HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT TO SOMEONE TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME. I WANT IT TO BE OBVIOUS THAT WE’RE A COUPLE WHEN WE DECIDE TO GO THAT ROUTE.

CG: I . . . I DUNNO. I THINK I’M JUST BEING SELFISH AND STUPID ABOUT IT. I JUST. I WANT TO WAIT BEFORE PUTTING AN OFFICIAL TITLE ON IT. JUST KIND OF GO WITH THE FLOW AND SEE HOW IT HAPPENS

CG: EVEN IF THAT MEANS THAT BY YOUR STANDARD WE’RE ALREADY DATING AND BY MY STANDARD WE AREN’T TECHNICALLY THERE YET.

CG: AGAIN, I HOPE THAT MADE SENSE.

I took another deep breath and let it out slow. He was making perfect sense. But at the same time I was completely lost. How could we be together and not together at the same time? Then I re-read his messages and it slowly started to click.

TG: so like a ‘same path different pace’ type thing

CG: EXACTLY

TG: so then one last question

TG: and you can slap me next time you see me if this is a totally stupid question

TG: but does this mean that im your boyfriend but youre not mine just yet

TG: or the other way around

TG: or not at all

TG: am i off base here

CG: I GUESS IT’S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

CG: I WOULD AVOID USING THE TERM THOUGH UNTIL WE’RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE, FOR THE SAKE OF NOT HAVING TO EXPLAIN THIS MESS TO SOMEONE IF THEY WERE TO ASK ABOUT IT.

TG: alright

TG: that makes sense

TG: im glad we had this talk too

TG: its nice to get things out in the open like that

CG: AGREED

TG: thanks for being such a great guy

CG: IF ANYTHING I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY COMPLICATED BULLSHIT AND MY DUMB ASS

TG: its not that bad

TG: give yourself a little more credit

TG: youre a lot more amazing than what you let yourself believe

CG: THANKS

TG: no problem

CG: SO . . . . . HOW WAS YOUR DAY BY THE WAY? I DIDN’T GET TO ASK EARLIER SINCE WE DOVE RIGHT INTO MY BULLSHIT

TG: it was alright

TG: nothing fancy but nothing too horrible either

TG: just another day of running discs around for the self-centered asshole whose voice is broadcasted all around in a 200 mile radius and not receiving any credit for it

TG: the usual

CG: YOU REALLY SHOULD GET A NEW JOB OR SOMETHING IF HE KEEPS BEING A DICK

CG: YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT DAVE

TG: its fine really

TG: its easy work and i get breaks pretty regularly so its not like im worried about it much

From there the conversation just progressed into the usual. We kept talking for the next couple hours until I was literally fighting to keep my eyes open long enough to reply. I was damn tired and I let him know that I’d message him again tomorrow and what time I’d be working. The text I received in response to that sent my stomach into a flurry of butterflies though.

TG: hey i gotta sleep now, but im off at 3pm tomorrow if you wanna chat again

TG: or i could probably get away with texting at work

TG: whichever floats your boar

TG: boat*

CG: I WOULDN’T WANT TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE. JUST GO AHEAD AND SLEEP.

CG: SWEET DREAMS AND I’LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW <3

This boy was too pure and too kind for this world I fucking swear. I couldn’t stop grinning at how damn adorable he was. It was just unbelievable. Too cute for words.I managed to send one last message before passing the hell out for the night.

TG: you too karkat <3

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

The next morning I woke up and re-read the last few messages since I couldn’t really remember where we’d left off. As soon as I did, my face flushed red and my whole chest felt simultaneously tight and also light and empty-ish, like it was full of butterflies, if that was even possible. How in the hell did I even convince this amazing guy to give me the smallest sliver of a chance, I’d never know.

All in all, waking up and re-reading that just made my whole morning routine more bearable. I even got to the radio station early today, which was the first time I’d done that since a week after I’d started working there. In other words it’d been about two years since I’d been early for this bullshit. As soon as I stepped in the building and clocked in, I was handed a laundry list of shit to pull for the setlist today. Luckily my boss was in the booth and busy giving some bullshit morning report for K-NAK. It was obligatory that he did that shit before he started his music for the day and he hated it. At least it meant he couldn’t bitch at me to get going already.

Nonetheless I did get going, pulling all the requested tracks and compiling quite the stack of records. Since I’d become so familiar with the bullshit organization of the place, it wasn’t too difficult. Whoever thought that organizing the albums by the first song title on the album was a fucking idiot. But apparently I wasn’t allowed to re-organize them according to my prick of a boss. I’d pulled about ⅓ of the list and left them on his desk so that he could set them up however he pleased. I was about to start on the next stack when my phone buzzed. I figured he had enough to keep him busy for now so I ducked around the end of a bookcase, out of the guy’s line of sight, and pulled my phone out.

It was Karkat. Again. Of course. I let out a small breath and smiled.

CG: I KNOW THAT YOU’RE AT WORK, BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I HOPE YOUR BOSS GETS HIT BY A FUCKING TRUCK TODAY. OR GETS ELECTROCUTED BY HIS OWN EQUIPMENT. OR SLIPS AND FALLS OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND HITS HIS HEAD ON THE DESK, RESULTING IN A CONCUSSION. REGARDLESS, I HOPE THE PRICK GETS WHAT HE DESERVES. HOPEFULLY TODAY IS THE DAY THAT KARMA STRIKES BACK.

I did my best not to laugh at that, recognizing it as his way of saying that he hopes I have a good day without being sappy about it. It was nice. He was nice.

TG: you and me both

TG: believe me

TG: im just glad i got here in time to see him do the obligatory news and weather reports he hates doing

TG: its funny to see him pissed at something thats not me

I quickly locked my phone and hid it back in my pocket. I knew I’d be in deep shit if I was caught with it out. They were weirdly strict about shit like that here. I guess maybe they didn’t want their setlists leaked or something? Whatever the reason it was fucking ridiculous.

Another hour passed before my phone buzzed again. Luckily this time I was out on a coffee run, which was literally the worst because the station manager literally knew that I skateboarded to work and couldn’t just drive to places like literally every other person in the damn building. I checked my phone, expecting it to be something from someone at work like “oh i forgot something to add to the order” or “hurry the hell up I'm starving.” Instead it was Karkat again.

CG: BY THE WAY I THINK I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR OUR NEXT GET TOGETHER.

CG: I WAS THINKING WE COULD GO WALKING AROUND THE LITTLE SHOPS DOWNTOWN AND JUST EXPLORE OR SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE THAT.

CG: I’M FREE TUESDAY IF THAT WORKS FOR YOU. OR I’M ALSO FREE THURSDAY.

CG: LET ME KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

TG: yeah tuesday is good

TG: ive got a half-shift that day since its a slow day so ill be out by noon

CG: AWESOME

CG: ALSO STOP TEXTING DAMNIT

CG: I DON’T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU GET IN TROUBLE

TG: no worries my man

TG: im on a coffee run at the moment

TG: so theres no one to tell me that i cant be on my phone

CG: OH GOD THEY REALLY MAKE YOU DO SHIT LIKE THAT

TG: yeah

TG: im basically a paid intern

CG: GLORIFIED INTERNSHIP

TG: essentially

TG: hell im just glad they pay me at all though

TG: as annoying as this shit is its fucking easy

CG: I FUCKING GUESS, BUT IT’S STILL SHITTY THAT THEY DON’T TREAT YOU BETTER. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO MORE THERE CONSIDERING YOU’RE LITERALLY A NIGHTCLUB DJ.

TG: one step at a time karks

TG: i will get there eventually

TG: they dont care about what i do in my free time

TG: they dont see it as remotely the same thing as being a radio personality

TG: but theyll recognize me someday

TG: it might take the frog croaking for me to get there

TG: but itll happen in due time

CG: I GUESS. I HOPE SO. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

TG: thanks

CG: NOW GET BACK TO WORK YOU DICKASS

TG: dickass

TG: really

CG: SHUT UP. IT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND. JUST GET THEM THEIR COFFEE BEFORE THEY GET OUT THE GUILLOTINE AND IT’S OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.

TG: yes sir lucifer sir

My phone buzzed again and I was about 900% sure it was Karkat coming back with something witty. Probably something to further throw us back to our first banter. I just snickered and started heading back to the station with all 6 coffee drinks and a bag of pastries balanced in my hands. It’s a damn good thing I had balance because skateboarding while carrying all that is not an easy feat by any means.

When I got back there was absolutely no thanks, as usual. Just blank faces that lit up some at the sight of their coffee and honed in on that shit like it was the only thing in the room. It was like a ghost was delivering coffee to them. They didn’t know or care how it got there so long as they got their damn caffeine fix. I rolled my eyes behind my shades and went back to pulling tracks and putting away the ones that we’d already burned through so far. It was boring, routine, and most of all fucking time consuming.

For once I had to pull an album that I actually held some respect for and had interest in. How in the hell my boss finally heard about Marianas Trench I’d never fucking know but I was glad as hell to pull out the Masterpiece Theatre album. It reminded me about how the song “All To Myself” had been put into the new mix we were showcasing tonight. Then it hit me that I completely and totally forgot to invite Karkat to come check that out. The damn mix I’d made with that song was essentially dedicated to him. I had no idea how it’d slipped my mind to invite the inspiration to the showcasing of the masterpiece from Masterpiece Theatre.

I set the album down in the stack and whipped out my phone right then, urgently messaging Karkat about it before I forgot again. Of course his earlier message was still sitting there for me.

CG: FUCK YOU

Ever the eloquent gentleman he was.

TG: ive gotta be quick because i could probably get in trouble right now for texting

TG: but i forgot to tell you that dirk and i have a new set were showcasing tonight

TG: at blow out

TG: you should totally come check it out

TG: not gonna lie youd be like a guest of honor practically

TG: though we cant let you on stage again or security would have my ass

Before I could even get a reply back, I heard my name being barked and I fucking jumped. I locked my phone and shoved it behind my back as I turned around.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Why are you on your phone when you should be working?” It was the studio manager. My boss. The booth guy. The guy who’s so much of a dick that I refuse to use his name. In fact let’s just make his name Dick. It suits him.

“Dude, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really? Then what is it that you’re hiding behind your back?”

“Nothing sir. Just standing at attention sir.” And with that I pulled a fake salut, attempting to get away with it. It’s not like they could take my phone or anything but I’d yet to get in real trouble here and I didn’t want to start today.

“ …. Ok. Whatever. Just get back to work and stop being so fucking weird.” He hissed. As soon as he turned around I breathed a sigh of relief and let my arms fall back by my sides. I walked over behind the bookcase again and whipped my phone back out. As soon as I unlocked it a message popped up.

CG: I WON’T BE TRYING TO JUMP UP ON ANY STAGES ANYTIME SOON. AT LEAST NOT WHILE SOBER. I CAN’T PROMISE ANYTHING AFTER A FEW DRINKS.

CG: BUT YES, I’LL BE THERE TONIGHT.

CG: ALSO I CAN SEE YOU’RE READING THESE AS I’M SENDING THEM. DON’T FUCKING GET IN TROUBLE. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY.

And of course, for once I should’ve listened to him. I started to type my reply, leaning against the wood behind me, when out of nowhere the same fucking guy popped out with a smug grin.

“I fucking knew it. You lying little shit. You were on your phone.”

“Fuck.” I muttered under my breath.

“You’re so damn busted. I’ll consider the texting a part of your 15. Take the last five minutes to finish whatever the fuck and then come see me in the booth.” Dick seethed. He was clearly pissed. This was not good.

“Ok.” I nodded and figured the best way to not make it worse was to shut up and comply. I walked to the break room and let my head slump to the table. I picked up my phone again,

TG: so dont get mad

TG: i got busted on my phone

TG: probably just going to get a slap on the wrist

TG: im on a 5 minute break now and afterwards ive gotta go to the booth to get chewed out

CG: YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT?

CG: THAT'S THE EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING DO

CG: . . . JUST LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES, OK

TG: will do

TG: but probably after i get off

TG: im not risking taking my phone out again today

TG: not really looking forward to getting a write up or fired or anything

TG: this guy has the worst temper

TG: two hits in one day and i might be out of a job

CG: SMART PLAN

CG: I’LL MESSAGE YOU LATER THEN

TG: yeah

TG: ttyl

I picked myself up and made my way to the booth, prepared for the ass-chewing of the day. I knocked on the door first to make sure it was clear. He held up a finger, signaling for me to wait. Classic Dick. He pressed a few buttons and flipped a switch, probably turning off the mic, before coming over and opening the door. I silently walked past and stood in the corner. There was only one chair in the room and like hell if I was going to dig myself a deeper hole by stealing his seat.

“So do you know what you did wrong?”

“I was on my phone.” I said in a monotone. This was patronizing as hell. I wasn’t a child that needed a lesson on what to do and what not to do.

“Yeah. You were on your phone. And do you know why that’s a problem?”

“I’m not being paid to be on my phone?” I sighed. The typical boss to employee bullshit, of course he’d fucking go there. I folded my arms over my chest to keep from being too expressive at the moment.

“Smart kid. Exactly. It’s wasting the company’s time and money.”

‘So is this bullshit.’ I thought. “Ok, can I go back to work now?”

“In a minute. First you need to sign off on this, saying you understand and were notified.” Dick handed me a slip of paper. I scanned it over and gritted my teeth.

“You’re writing me up? What happened to a first warning?” I tried not to shout but honestly I was kind of pissed about this. It was so fucking stupid. The cell phone rule was a stupid rule to begin with and it’s not like I was the only one that broke it. I was literally just the only person who got in trouble for it.

“You got your first warning when you lied to me about being on your phone. Now sign the paper and get back to work.”

“Fine.” I snipped, snatching the damn thing up and stealing a pen from his desk.

“You should really be thanking me. I could’ve made it so much worse and written you up twice for the two times I caught you today. But instead you get off with one. Four more and you’re fired though, you know the drill.” Dick really didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut apparently. I signed my name and gripped the pen so hard it almost snapped. As soon as he stopped I just left the paper and pen on his desk and stormed back out to the record library.

I paced around for the first few minutes, just trying to keep my cool about the whole thing because it was really starting to get to me. Why in the hell should I be in trouble for being on my phone for a couple of seconds when this douche was literally on his phone all fucking day, just letting tracks play. Sure he was the ‘mastermind’ behind the setlist but that’s all he fucking did was select tracks to play and have me fetch them for him. It was fucking annoying as all hell.

My mind continued on that tangent, just going over the same fucking facts and being pissed about them. Then I stopped pacing, took a deep breath and tried to push it to the side. I had to find something positive to focus on for the moment or I’d definitely need to go take a breather. I decided to think back to the messages that got me in trouble in the first place. At least Karkat was going to be coming to the show tonight. That much was a relief. Just thinking about Karkat in general got me a little calmer. Him and his grumpy attitude and his soft music and adorable smile that he tried to hide so damn often. Just like that I was fine again. So I picked up the list of shit to do and got back to work, pulling vinyls and stacking them, trading them for the ones he already played, putting them back and grabbing new ones, and repeat.

By the time 3pm rolled around it was a damn blessing. I was so fucking happy to get the hell out of there. I went ahead and called Karkat on the phone because I was honestly that eager to hear his voice right now. It would probably help a significant amount after the day I’d had, and a great deal more than messaging.

“Hello?” He answered, sounding confused and slightly frustrated.

“Hey, it’s me, Dave.”

“Oh? Oh. Hey, what’s up?” He sounded pretty rushed actually, but his voice softened some when he realized it was me.

“I just got off work and figured I’d call, but if it’s a bad time I can always call back later.” I got on my board and started skating across town towards home.

He sighed. “Yeah. Sorry. Work fucking called me in at the last minute. Apparently we got swamped randomly. Like a whole goddamn bus of people stopped by the restaurant. Meenah, fucking idiot, didn’t schedule enough servers so I have to rush in and save their sorry asses. I was just about to leave when you called.”

“Yikes. That sounds …. not fun. My bad, I should probably let you go then.”

“No, no. You’re fine. It gives me time to finish my cigarette before I take off. I can spare a minute.” I heard the click of his lighter and rolled my eyes some, smiling. Of course he’d use any excuse he could to procrastinate a moment longer.

“Alright …. Wait so if you’re going in, are you going to be able to make it to Blow-Out tonight?” I asked, immediately worried he might miss the reveal of a track literally dedicated to him. He had to be there or I wouldn’t be playing much of anything new at all tonight. Most of the new stuff was either a team effort or stuff that Dirk finally deemed good enough to show off.

“I’m gonna damn well try. Meenah said they only need me until the rush is over.” He paused and I could hear him take a drag from his cigarette. For some reason, it was calming. “But from the sounds of it, these are tourist dickheads who were out seeing some fucking vineyard or something. Drunks essentially.” Another audible drag and slow exhale. “They tend to be the type of customers who stay for quite a few hours if not the whole goddamn night. Maybe I can mention the club and scoot some of them your way though, get them out of my ass so I get can my ass there in time.” He chuckled.

Then I almost skateboarded into a fucking light pole.

“Oh shit.” I jumped off and used my free hand to grab the pole, swinging halfway around it and managing a rocky landing. At least I didn’t totally faceplant. The board however hit the pole dead on and started rolling backwards. Miraculously I didn’t drop my phone, so at least there was that.

“What the fuck was that? Are you ok?” At least he sounded genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just uh, fell off my board. No worries.” Fucking smooth Strider. I chased down the board and scooped it up, deciding to just walk for now since I was on the phone.

“Oh my god. You were skateboarding this whole time? That’s fucking amazing. I’d have fallen off way before now.” He was laughing, but there was still a hint of something else there as well, beyond the amusement. Almost like he thought it was cute that I just basically ate it.

“Dude, do you actually know how to skate?” I asked, shifting the topic some to avoid getting majorly embarrassed.

“No. But that’s why I’d have fucking fallen way before that point. My balance is absolute shit.”

I hesitated before just going for it. “Do you want to learn sometime?”

“Eh. It’s not totally important to me, but sure. Why the hell not? I’d at least give it a fucking try.” In the background I heard him start his car.

“Cool….. So uh, I guess you’ve gotta go now? Probably shouldn’t be on the phone while driving.”

“I mean, I was going to put you on speaker and rest the phone in the fucking passenger seat, but if you wanna hang up we can always talk later. I’m sure you have better things to do with your free time.”

“No no. If you’ve got a few more minutes, I’m absolutely glad to occupy them.” I smirked.

“Of course you are.” I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

“So how was your day so far?” I was a little more than halfway home by now and I started to consider high-tailing it to Hit the Deck just to go bother him. I decided against it when I heard him sigh, even with the phone being so far from his face. He’d had a rough time, clearly. That or something was bothering him. I didn’t want to make shit worse.

“Not too terrible. Other than getting you in trouble at your job, spilling goddamn lava temperature hot chocolate all over myself, the floor, and the couch, and being called in for a random shift that I actually really did not want to fucking take, it’s been pretty damn nice.” There was a hefty deal of sarcasm dripping in that statement. He was not having a good day at all from the sounds of it.

“Ouch. Lava chocolate? Are you alright? Any blistering or reason to see a doctor?” I mentally cursed at how flat those questions came out and hoped to high hell that he knew I was being serious here, despite my vocal tone failure.

“Oh I’m fucking fine. I jumped in a cold shower immediately to soothe the burns. My skin is absolutely peachy and blister-free. The carpet on the other hand is going to be an issue that can only be solved by renting a carpet cleaner machine or by paying someone else to do it.” He grumbled.

“I could always ask around and see if any of my friends have one that you could borrow. I wouldn’t doubt Rose or Kanaya keeping one on hand.”

“It’s fine, really. You don’t need to go through the trouble. I have people I could ask too, but I’m not about to admit to spilling shit all over myself like a fucking five year old. I’m fine with renting the fucking equipment.”

“It’s no trouble at all, kitkat-” I froze.

“Stop calling me that.” He groaned, sounding very much annoyed and exasperated by the fact I’d used that nickname again. If I weren’t on the phone I would’ve facepalmed. I knew how much he didn’t like me calling him that and yet here I was, continuing to use it and let it slip without regard for his feelings about it. I really needed to work on thinking before I opened my damn mouth.

“Right, sorry, my bad. I just have a shit habit of coming up with nicknames for people regardless of whether or not they wanted one in the first place. I’ll work on it.” It was a lame excuse on my part but at the same time it was true. This was just one of the first times someone so persistently declined a nickname my dumb ass had given them.

“That sounds like absolute horeshit. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Better yet, I’ll come up with a terrible nickname for you that you hate so that every time you slip up, I’ll have something to come back at you with.” I couldn’t help but smile. This guy was such a cute asshole.

“That sounds pretty fair. But good luck finding a nickname that I’ll hate as much as you hate that one.”

“Whatever you say, princess.” It was a fair attempt, I’ll give him that. But if that was the best he had then he was going to lose very quickly.

“That’s fine. As long as you promise to be my prince charming and sweep me off my feet someday.” I winked, even though I knew he couldn’t see it through the phone.

“Fuck. Ok. That was pretty damn smooth. But I promise you, I’ll come up with something better. Something that you’ll actually hate. A name so goddamn annoying that you’d honestly rather rip your fucking ears off than be called by it even one more time.” I could hear him chuckling softly. Asshole was getting a kick out of this. For someone with a penchant for romance movies and soft music, he sure could be damn violent when he wanted to be.

“We’ll see about that.” I made sure that my tone was dripping with smugness because it was entertaining as hell to get this guy riled up.

“We definitely fucking will. I’ve got this in the fucking bag. You’ve yet to see how many terrible nicknames I can think of. I do this shit for a living.” I heard the car engine cut out and knew that he’d just arrived at the restaurant.

“Oh but I don’t want just any old recycled name that you call your customers. I want a personalized name. Something that comes from the heart, man.” If only we could’ve been having this conversation in person. I’d put on my best puppy dog pout and he’d probably just roll his eyes or smack my arm or something.

“Oh don’t worry. It’ll definitely come from the deepest, blackest pit in my heart. You can fucking bet on that.” I heard the slam of the car door and knew the call was coming to an end. I wished it wasn’t but I knew that work wasn’t something that could be avoided.

“Isn’t that basically the whole thing?” I kidded.

“Fuck you.” He laughed. “I’ve gotta go now, seriously. I’ll see you later tonight.” The fondness in his tone right then made something ache in my chest. It was a nice ache though.

“Alright. See you later. Don’t kill anyone at work and try to have a good shift.” I grinned.

“You too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

And just like that the phone call was over. I was running on endorphins or some shit because damn I was high in the sky right now. Work wasn’t even bothering me anymore, surprisingly. I had it bad for this boy, that much was clear. I stopped to take a look around at where I was, because at some point I’d stopped paying attention to where I’d been walking to. After assessing, I realized that I’d actually walked past my house already. I groaned and turned around, heading back in the proper direction. I needed to get a shower, change, and get my ass over to Dirk’s place so that we could go over some shit about the setlist for tonight.

An hour later I was bathed, clothed, and at Dirk’s doorstep. When I went to check the usual hiding spot for the spare key, it wasn’t there. I thought that was a little weird but shrugged as I rang the doorbell instead. To my complete fucking surprise, Dirk wasn’t the one who answered the door.

“Oh. Hello chap. Dirk hadn’t mentioned you’d be coming over but I’m sure he won’t mind if I let you in.” Jake answered. Jake fucking English was in Dirk’s apartment? What the hell had I missed in the past few days? Dirk had some explaining to do when I figured out just where the fuck he was.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

Jake had stepped to the side to let me in like the gentleman he always was. I glanced around the room and found it completely devoid of the blond I’d come here to talk to. “Sup …. Where’s Dirk?”

“Oh! Right! He’s washing up. You know how he is with that water tap, takes at least an hour before he’s dubbed himself clean enough.” He chuckled, looking towards the hall. I assumed by context clues that Dirk was in the shower. Or that Jake thought he took an hour to wash his hands and was some type of germophobe.

“Alright …. So what brings you here?” I asked, moving to sit on the couch and chill for a while. Jake shut the door and moved to sit on the opposite side of the couch from me.

“Ah, well. That’s …. That is a very good question, isn’t it?” He chuckled nervously and I immediately caught on. He was opening his mouth as if he was going to explain and then shutting it, like he couldn’t find the words.

“I mean, obviously you’re here for Dirk, right?” I supplied.

“Yes. Of course. I, ah. Just got here not long before you did actually. Been waiting on him for at least twenty minutes now.” Jake was fucking awful at lying.

“Right …… nice shirt by the way.” I smirked, knowing for a fact that he was wearing one of Dirk’s shirts. He seemed to get even more flustered by that comment.

“Golly gosh. This ol’ thing. I spilled soda on myself is all and your brother is just the sort of nice chap to let me borrow his.” A decent excuse, I’ll give him that. But Dirk being Dirk would’ve just cleaned up the stain on the shirt or washed it and let Jake wander around shirtless.

I simply made a ‘hm’ noise in acknowledgement and grabbed the TV remote. The news was on for some reason. Apparently some guy had thrown on a Halloween costume and held up the 7-11.

“Good golly, a bloke really held the place up just for some donuts? That’s friggin ridiculous.” Jake exclaimed, clearly trying to break the silence.

“People go to 7-11 for things other than donuts, Jake.”

“Don’t know why they would. Not much else is worth the pretty penny you pay for it there. It’s all absolute rubbish.” He half-mumbled.

“To each their own I guess.” I shrugged and started flipping through channels.

“Ooh. Ancient Aliens is on. Press the info button, I want to see which one it is. “ Jake beamed. So I did. “Oh bother, nevermind. I’ve already seen that one a dozen times.” And just like that he deflated. I decided on leaving it on cartoon network for a while, sort of just spacing out. It wasn’t long until Dirk wandered into the living room with one towel around his waist and another on his head, covering his wet hair.

“So I was thinking we could grab some lunch or something before- oh shit. Dave. Didn’t know you were coming over so soon.” My brother. I swear.

“Dude its fucking 5 already. We’ve got sound check at 6:30.” I deadpanned.

“I didn’t know you two were playing again tonight.” Jake chimed in. I shot Dirk a look that said ‘you know if you don’t invite him tonight then I will,’

“I was gonna mention it when I got out of the shower. It sort of slipped my mind earlier, as you can imagine.” He then stared at Jake, trying to communicate something, and I picked up on the context clues. They had sex this morning.

“Right-o. My bad there chap.” Jake gave another nervous chuckle.

“Well …....” Dirk clapped his hands together. “On that note, I’m gonna go put some pants on and dry my hair.”

“Good idea. I’ll keep your guest company.” I quipped.

“You’re both my guests, but sure, whatever. Help yourself to anything in the fridge while you’re at it.” And just like that he hurried back to his room to get himself put together.

And as soon as I realized what Dirk had failed to do and the fact that he was probably going to chicken out, I seized the opportunity. “So Jake, we’re actually showcasing a new set tonight. If you wanna tag along and check it out you’re more than welcome. I’m sure Dirk would love to have someone there to support him.”

“That sounds swell. I’d be everfriggin delighted.” And just like that, Dirk owed me again because he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain and invite Jake himself. I made a mental note to discuss that with him later though.

It was at least twenty more minutes before Dirk came out again, his hair only half dried and kind of a mess compared to how he normally styled it. At least he had clothes on this time though.

“So, I guess we’re just going to have to swing by a fast food place then. Since we’ve only got about half an hour to get there.”

“Ok.” I shrugged. Jake groaned in protest though. He really didn’t like the idea of fast food. He was always more of the ‘home cooked meal’ type.

“I’m sorry your highness. You had full access to the kitchen while I was showering though. You could’ve made something if you were hungry.” Dirk said sarcastically.

Jake huffed. “You know right well that I don’t just go poking about others kitchens without them being present. That’s just friggin rude and I’m not the sort to impose in someone else’s household.”

“It’s not rude if I’m literally giving you the permission to do it.” Dirk shot back with a raised eyebrow. Jake didn’t seem to have anything else to say about that. “If it makes you feel any better you can pick where we go. As long as it’s quick and we can take it to go.”

“I’ll see what I can do for a compromise.” He mumbled.

Half an hour later we were pulling up to the club’s back entrance with Subway sandwiches in hand. Jake and his penchant for eating healthy and all, it was either that or Chipotle. And there was no way in hell Dirk or I were going to risk getting burrito butt while working the new set. Blowing up the bathroom at the club would chase people away faster than anything. It just wasn’t going to be a good night if Chipotle was the option. Point blank.

Instead of having Jake help with the grunt work of carrying all the amps and helping set up, Dirk led him back to our ‘dressing room’. In reality it was just one of the backstage lounges, but they’d let us use it on the nights that we worked. So, left to do all the setup myself, I got to work.

When it was all nearly done, Dirk came back out to help, sporting a fresh red hickey on his neck that was pretty damn obvious. I rolled my eyes and stepped back, letting him do the rest himself.

“Dude, you should’ve worn a turtleneck if you were gonna do that shit. Under all those lights, that’s gonna stick out like an emo kid at a country music festival.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Bro, Jake left a huge fucking hickey right in plain sight on your neck. I’m glad you guys are on again, but damn. He’s really hitting it hard this time.”

“Holy shit. You’re joking right?” Dirk whipped out his phone and used the camera to look at his neck. “Fuck. I told him not to leave any noticeable marks. Goddamn it.”

“If you have some makeup I can at least make it not look as red.” I offered.

He deadpanned. “Do I look like the kind of guy who carries foundation around with him in his pockets.”

“No you look like the kind of guy who carries a lighter, forty seven cents, and a pack of month old gum in your pockets.” I said passively.

“Jesus christ dude. Normally I’d get super introspective about what you just said, and it’s probably a fucking insult. But now is not the time. Do you know if Roxy works tonight? She always has extra shit in her purse.”

“Yeah but she won’t be in until 7. You know, when our set starts.”

“Fuck. Can you start with your stuff then? Just buy me some time?” He seemed to be actually having a meltdown right now. I’d forgotten just how much he cared about shit like this. He hated having noticeable hickeys. Something about his pride or his image or some shit I guess? I’d never really asked him.

“Sure, I guess. But then you double owe me.”

“Double?”

“You didn’t invite Jake tonight. I had to do it for you just to get him here.”

“You didn’t give me a chance. I was in the shower.” He protested.

“You had the whole morning with him. And presumably last night too.”

“........... Fuck. Point taken. I’m gonna go text Roxy and ask her if she can try and get here a few minutes early.”

“You do that. I’ll be here taking care of sound check.”

Karkat P.O.V.

When Meenah had said that the place was slammed, she wasn’t fucking kidding. There was hardly an empty table in the house. In fact, as soon as she saw the second bus pull up she’d had everyone pull out all the extra tables in the house and cram them out onto the dining floor. The bar had at least five extra stools crammed in around it as well. Roxy was out at 6 too so that meant that we had to deal with Cronus being thrown into working the bar after that. Hopefully I would be out of here soon after that so none of my tables drinks would get messed up. It’s not that I thought Cronus would be bad at bartending so much as I knew for a fact that an inexperienced bartender wouldn’t be able to handle a crowd like this.

Regardless of the shift switches, I was running my ass off. The only bright side was that dealing with this many people made the insults really easy to come by. Just about anybody would get what they were expecting by coming here right now since almost everyone was getting greeted with “You really had to fucking come here tonight of all nights, you fucking asswipe? We’re fucking slammed thanks to you.” Or something along those lines. Every single server was stressed out to the nines and we were definitely letting it out on the customers. I really did have the best job in the fucking world.

Miraculously I managed to get all of my checks closed around the same time and before Vriska could seat anyone else in my section. (Thank you Sollux for being a slow ass busboy and not clearing my tables just yet.) I checked the time while in the back and realized that Dave’s show was about to start in like 15 minutes. I bolted to Meenah’s office and composed myself before just letting myself in.

“Can I ask you a really fucking huge favor?”

“Karks what are you doin in here? Don’t you have tables to take care a?” She asked, ignoring my question altogether.

“I dropped all their checks off. A miracle, I know, but they all finished around the same time. Speaking of, I need to leave. Like right now.”

“Clam down. What’s the rush? Somebody die?”

“No. I just- It’s a long story but basically I fucking promised a certain someone that I’d be somewhere at 7 tonight and if I don’t leave now then I won’t be there on time or likely at all with how fucking busy we are.”

“You had a date tonight an you came in anyway? Are you glubbin crazy?”

“It’s not a fucking date! It’s just, ugh. It’s complicated.”

“Whale, I’m gonna need more explanation than that.”

I facepalmed and groaned. “Fine. I promised Dave that I’d come see his show tonight and if that all goes well then I fucking guess I could have a date. It’s going really well and I don’t want to fucking obliterate it. If you still need help afterwards I can always run back, but I really need to make this show. Please? I never fucking ask you for anything really. Just this one time, please?”

“I shoulda known that boy was gonna cause trouble.” She sighed. “Whateva kat. You’re free to go. I’ll be needin your apron though. We’re still short staffed an those tables ain’t gonna serve themselves.” She then stood up and buttoned a few more buttons on her blouse to seem more presentable. I assumed that meant she was going to be taking my place and waiting tables.

“Thank you. Thank you so fucking much.” I hugged her and she froze, apparently shocked by it. I didn’t have time to dwell on it though. I untied my apron, pulled out the tips I’d already made that night, and threw the empty cloth at her.

“Yea yea. This is a one time deal, ok? I ain’t gonna go throwin on the uniform every time you wanna go run off with your boytoy. You betta appreciate this.”

“I know, I do. Thanks so much. Gotta run, bye.” And just like that I sprinted out of the building.

I fumbled with my car keys some while trying to unlock the door and cussed myself out for it, out loud, in the fucking parking lot. By the time I finally got in my car and the engine started, people were definitely staring at me. Great. I collected myself and lit up a cigarette to help take the edge off my nerves. I wouldn’t be able to drive while running on this much adrenaline. I needed to take it down a notch. I checked the time again. Only seven minutes to get there now.

“Shit.” I muttered to myself, tossing the cigarette out the window and putting the car in gear. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed across town.

After speeding at least 15 over the limit and running a red light (in my defense there were no other cars around and I did sit there for 3 full minutes waiting for it to change before I ran it), I finally made it there. The time was 7:06. Hopefully it wouldn’t be noticeable that I was late. I prayed that it was busy so that I could make the excuse that he just hadn’t seen me in the crowd.

I took a deep breath and checked my hair in the mirror, mostly for a confidence boost. I looked like shit though so it didn’t do much for me. I decided not to procrastinate any longer and got my ass inside the building.

Dave was already up on stage in the middle of playing a track and monitoring it, not like I expected any different. It was pretty crowded though, so I decided to cut through a throng of people on the dancefloor and made it seem like that was where I’d been the whole time. I headed for an open booth near the front of the stage, hoping Dave would see me on my way there. He did. I waved. He nodded at me and smiled before turning back to the monitor.

When I finally found my seat a waitress came by and offered to get me a drink. I had to explain to her that I wasn’t here to order anything, just a friend of the DJ. She then tried to give me a drink on the house, boasting something like “Any friend of Daves is a friend of mine.”

I rolled my eyes at her and just told her point blank. “If you actually were his friend, he would’ve mentioned you to me at least once or twice and you would definitely know who the fuck I am. So stop trying to be coy and leave me alone. Please and thanks.” She seemed kind of put off after that, but left me alone for the most part.

By the time I got settled in, the song that had been playing when I got here ended. Normally I wouldn’t pay much mind to that, but Dave had stopped playing anything at all and it was weirdly quiet in the club. I glanced at him and he was staring straight at me, microphone in hand. My stomach erupted in nervous butterflies. I could just tell he was about to do something extremely embarrassing on my part.

“Hey. If I could just get everyone’s attention for a second.” He paused and someone in the crowd yelled “Play some music already”.

“Yeah. I’m getting to that.” He chuckled. “I just wanted to say that this next track was inspired by someone I’ve been spending a lot of time with lately. I hope he enjoys it as much as I enjoy his company.” A pause. “Sorry for being sappy. I’ll get back to your regularly scheduled program here guys.” Then he put the microphone back on its stand and cued up the track.

Marianas Trench. I recognized it almost instantly. I couldn’t really tell what he’d mashed it up with but it sounded good. Really good. I found myself getting up and gravitating towards the edge of the stage. All I could think was ‘Holy shit my face had never been so red without being caused by a joke at my expense.’

I got lost in the music easily, being on the dancefloor listening to a song that was literally dedicated to and inspired by me. I stared up at Dave as I danced a little and he stared right back. I probably looked really out of place, dressed up like I was in my work attire. But that didn’t matter as much as this moment. This connection. This feeling. It was absolutely electric. It was breathtaking. It was … dare I say it, fucking magic.

After the song was over there was a lot of clapping and wolf-whistling. I couldn’t help it when the blush returned to my face. Dave had essentially just made a grand gesture of romance in public and I had no idea how to handle it. Lucky for me, he didn’t make a big deal about it or make it super obvious that it was me that the song was for, so there was less to worry about. He just went about playing the next track, a huge grin on his face as he kept stealing glances at me.

A few tracks later Dirk popped in and took over, shooing Dave off the stage. Not many people seemed to notice apparently, only caring that there was still music playing overhead. I couldn’t tell where Dave was going but he disappeared somewhere backstage. I went and headed towards the bar to ask Roxy about possibly getting back there when my phone buzzed.

TG: glad you made it

TG: meet me out back

CG: ON MY WAY

And just like that I left and walked around to the back of the building. Dave was waiting there, keeping the back door propped open with his foot. My breath caught in my throat for a second as I realized that I had no idea what I was going to say to him about the song.

“Hey.” He greeted casually. Well I guess that’s one fucking way to start talking. Say something back, Karkat you fucking idiot.

“Hello.” I mentally slapped myself. Way to be fucking awkward.

“So uh, you made it.”

“Fucking barely, but yeah. I mean I had to beg Meenah to let me fucking go because I didn’t even get a second to breathe until it was like fifteen goddamn minutes away and so I had to rush and I was speeding the entire fucking time and I ran a red light on the way here but there weren’t any damn cops around or any other cars so I guess that makes it ok somehow, right, and it’s just been a hectic crazy fucking night, and then you, you and your sneaky tricks there mister, you fucking pulled the wool over my eyes there and caught me by surprise by dedicating that song to me, god that was fucking embarrassing as all hell, you goddamn asshole.”

“Karkat.” He brought me out of my thoughts. “Breathe. You’re rambling. I don’t want you passing out from lack of oxygen.”

“Fuck you!” I outbursted, clearly too worked up to respond properly. Dave looked slightly hurt and I wanted to kick myself. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just … y’know. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright. I get it. You’ve had a crazy night.” He stepped towards me, looking like he was about to offer a hug or some comfort of some sort. Then the door that his foot had been holding open, slammed shut really fucking loudly and scared me half to death. We both jumped and every nerve in my body was on edge. “Aaaand now we’re locked out.” Dave sighed.

“Again, I’m sorry.”

“No, no. That one was my fault. Totally on me. I’ll just text Dirk about it when it’s time to go back in. But for now, … I just want to hang out with you.” We walked a little and both sat on the edge of the sidewalk next to each other.

“That would be romantic as hell if we weren’t right next to a dumpster.” I mumbled, getting Dave to smile and snort at me.

“Dude really?”

“What? It’s fucking true.” I defended. He just broke out into laughter and after a second I joined him.

“God, we are a fucking mess.” Dave exclaimed once we’d calmed down.

“Speak for yourself. I’ve moved past the mess tier a long time ago. I’ve gotta at least be at fucking public toilet tier by now.” I joked.

“Gross.”

“Yeah.”

“Were you genuinely mad at me for dedicating that mix to you?” He asked.

“No. More shocked. Kind of embarrassed. But it was … sweet. No one’s ever done something like that for me before.” I smiled, looking down at my hands that were suddenly very interesting.

“Cool. I’m glad you liked it.”

“I’m glad you made it. I mean. Like I’m glad you were inspired by me. Fuck, that’s not quite right either. What I mean is, I’m glad I could help. I guess.” I was just a goddamn mess right now.

“It’s cool. I know what you mean.” And just like that it was silent again for a long time. We both just sort of sat there looking down at our feet. I stole a glance only to find that Dave was just looking away from stealing a glance of his own. I smiled to myself and let my hand fall non-suspiciously between us. I heard him huff a silent chuckle and then felt his hand right next to mine. My move. I fucking went for it and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together.

“So I never did think of a better shitty nickname for you.” I mused aloud.

“That’s alright. You’ve got time. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“I fucking hope not. Who else would I go get coffee with?” I grinned.

“Doesn’t your roommate work at Starbucks though? I’m sure he’d get coffee with you if you asked.” Dave pointed out, giving my hand a light squeeze. I squeezed back.

“Like hell I’d want to go there with him. I see enough of him at home. I don’t need to spend more time with him. He’s not exactly the easiest guy to be around 24/7.”

“I’m sure his boyfriend begs to differ.”

“Oh no. They’re both insufferable assholes and they know it. They complete each other in the worst kind of way. Never invite them both somewhere unless you want them to ditch you, or annoy you until you’re forced to try and ditch them.”

“That bad?”

“Maybe …. Probably not. I just have a low tolerance for bullshit.”

“Amongst other things.” He chuckled, and I punched him lightly in the shoulder with my free hand..

“Fuck you. Blame Roxy for not cutting me off.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll let that one slide for now.” He grinned. The damn charming asshole.

And again it was silent for a long moment. He started rubbing his thumb against my hand and I just sighed, looking up at the night sky. Light pollution caused a great lack of stars for viewing, but it was still a nice calm night. Gentle breeze blowing and not many people outside due to the show happening in the club.

“So-”

“Hey-”

We both tried to speak at the same time, sort of cutting each other off.

“You go first.” I offered.

“No, go ahead. I insist.”

“Dave, seriously, just say what you were going to say.”

“No, no. I interrupted you. Go ahead.”

I groaned and caved.

“Fine.” I took a moment to collect my thoughts. “So, um.” and another pause. “Well, I just-” I could not find the fucking words right now and it was killing me. He was so close to me and warm compared to the late fall air. Not to mention his lips looked inviting as hell right now. “Would it be ok if we…?”

“We?” He asked.

“If we … y’know.” I glanced at his face and then down to his lips and back again, biting my own lip as I did so.

He lifted his shades to the top of his head and smiled genuinely at me. “If we kissed?” He offered.

I nodded, lost in the sight of his eyes. They were the most interesting and attractive mix of brown and red. More red than anything, and absolutely stunning. Before I knew what was happening, we were almost nose to nose, hesitating just a breath away from each other. I watched those red eyes slide shut and something in my chest fluttered alive as I followed suit, closing the distance.

The kiss lasted about six seconds, and they were the best six seconds of my life so far. His lips were much softer than I’d expected, and it made me want to just keep kissing him. I didn’t though. And I was more than content with the one perfect kiss we’d just had.

When we pulled apart, I rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around me. I was grinning from ear to ear, and I could feel the grin on his face as well as he rested his head against mine. We didn’t say much for a long time, just content sighs and cuddling on a shitty curbside by a dumpster outside the club Dave worked at. Absolutely perfect.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

Not even twenty minutes after Karkat and I had our first kiss, Jake fucking popped his head out the back door to check on me. Apparently it was my cue to head back inside and finish out the set. I really didn’t want to leave that spot on the curb, but work was work and I was getting paid for this. I offered for Karkat to come inside and chill with Jake backstage until we were done with the set. He agreed hesitantly.

The next time I saw him was out in the parking lot, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, what’s up?” I greeted him, walking up from behind.

“Not much. Just needed some fresh air.” He replied. I raised an eyebrow at him, finding some irony in him needing fresh air while polluting the air. He shrugged and dropped the cig, stamping it out with his foot.

We leaned against the brick wall and chatted for a bit longer before some fan came up and tried to butt in, fawning over how great my music was. Then she started trying to flirt with me, clearly looking for a hookup. I was going to handle it on my own, before Karkat cut in.

“Hey, bimbo. You know that song he made a dedication for at the beginning of the set? Yeah. That was for me. He’s not available anymore. And he’s sure as fuck not interested in a dumb slut like you. So why don’t you go fuck off to someone who actually gives a shit and take your fake tits with you.” And just like that, the lady walked away without another word.

I looked at Karkat with wide eyes and just stared at him.

“What?” He asked.

“Dude, where the hell did that come from?” I was less angry and more in amused shock. I’d never heard Karkat genuinely tell someone off like that. It was kind of hot in all honesty, what with how protective he was.

“She was being a slut, I told her to lay off. Simple as that.” He shrugged.

“So, … I’m not available anymore?” I teased.

“Damn right you’re not. I hate to break it to you, but you’re exclusively mine now.” As he said it, he pulled me closer by the front of my shirt. Being this close I could still smell the tobacco on his breath. I didn’t care though because it was damn hot and he was smoking and I was melting. Despite him being shorter than me, he managed to make me feel very small in that moment and it was incredibly enticing to the point that it almost made my knees weak. He was definitely acting like daddy material right now. I needed to calm the fuck down before I popped a boner right then and there and embarrassed myself.

Luckily Dirk came outside and to check up on me and say goodnight and whatnot because he and Jake had packed up all the equipment already. “Hey, bro. I’m gonna go ahead and head out but-” and he paused when he saw the position I was in. “Shit. Nevermind. I’ll just leave you two to it then.” And he started to turn and walk away.

Karkat smirked and let go of my shirt, nodding in the direction of Dirk. I took that to mean that he wanted me to go talk to my brother. I swallowed harshly and nodded, taking a second to collect myself before running after him.

I caught up with Dirk and he asked if I was still catching a ride with him and Jake. I told him I’d probably stay back a bit longer and chill with Karkat. He didn’t seem to mind that much. If anything he seemed excited, since it meant he’d be alone with Jake again. I let him know to apologize to Jake for making him pack up when that was technically my job. He said not to sweat it but that he’d let Jake know.

Then when I came back, Karkat was almost to his car. I jogged to catch up with him. “Leaving so soon?”

“Yeah. I’m getting kind of tired and I don’t want to risk falling asleep at the wheel.” He shrugged.

“Well shit. Uh … so, I caught a ride here with Dirk and he just left…. Mind if I... y’know?”

“Yes you can have a ride. Hell, if you want you can just come over for all I fucking care, since neither of us work tomorrow.” He said, holding the driver door handle.

“Sounds cool.” I said, trying to play it smooth. I walked around to the passenger side and hopped in, trying to stay casual. Inside however, I was kind of freaking out. I’d never been to Karkat’s place and I was kind of really curious.

“First though, you’re not allergic to cats are you?” He asked.

“No, why?”

“I have a cat, why fucking else?” He quipped with a grin. “Secondly, and this is your fair warning, I have no idea whether or not Eridan will be home tonight or even if Sollux might be over. He doesn’t exactly have a set schedule and sort of just does what he wants.”

“Sounds like a shitty roommate.” I mumbled. I nodded though to let him know that I was fine with everything.

“Nah. We both kind of just do what we want. It rarely ever becomes a problem. Besides, he’s soundproofed his room.” He shrugged it off casually and started his car, buckling his seatbelt. I went ahead and buckled mine as well since I really didn’t know how good of a driver Karkat was and he did admit to running a light on the way here.

“Is that even legal?” I was pretty sure that apartments weren’t legally allowed to be soundproofed.

“To be completely honest, I think he bribed the landlord into letting it slide. But I’m not about to question it unless we get an eviction notice on our door.” He pulled out of the parking lot and for a while it was pretty quiet in the car. “By the way, sorry for embarrassing you in front of that bitch and for the thing with your brother. I don’t have an excuse for her, because honestly I sort of lost my temper. But if I’d seen Dirk coming then I probably wouldn’t have pulled you so close or y’know, made such a public spectacle.”

At first I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but then after a moment it clicked and I remembered when he’d pulled me close to him by the front of my shirt and practically growled in my ear. Hot damn. Just the memory was exciting. “Dude, Karkat, are you kidding me? The way you snapped at that bitch, that was the best thing I’d ever heard come out of your mouth. It was fucking hot. I was struggling to hold my fucking composure because of it. And then the way you pulled me in, Jesuit Christo. Do you have any fucking clue how hot that was for me? Because I was literal putty in your fucking hands right there. If you’d told me to drop to my knees right then and blow you I’d have done it in a heartbeat. Fuck the bystanders. That’s how bad you had me.” When I finished talking, Karkat’s face was rivaling the color of a tomato, even with the dim lighting in the car I could see it.

“Well all-fucking-right then. Apology retracted.” He muttered, clearly avoiding eye contact with me now and focusing on driving.

“Are you sure? Because if you need more convincing I could keep going on and on about it.” I smirked.

“Dave fucking Strider. If you do that, so help me, I will pull this motherfucking car over and you will walk to my fucking apartment in the goddamn dark.” He growled.

“Noted.” I said, suddenly very serious. I was not about to get kicked out of my boyfriend’s car at fucking 10pm.

“Thank you.” And with that he turned on the car radio. It made me jump a little with how loud it was. And that’s really saying something since I DJ and literally stand next to giant loudspeakers at work. I reached forward to turn the dial down and when I did, all I caught was Karkat’s laughter.

“What the fuck, bro?” I hissed.

“Oh god, that was fucking priceless. You actually jumped.” He cackled.

“Why do you keep your stereo so loud?” I asked, moving a hand to my ear because damn it kind of hurt now.

Karkat simply shrugged. “I don’t always keep it that loud.”

I sighed and took a minute to listen to the song that was playing, now that my ears had stopped ringing. “Do you always keep it on the pop station too or is that another thing that constantly changes?”

“If that’s your way of asking to change the fucking station, the answer is ‘please do’.”

“Ohthankfuck.” I breathed as I scanned through the channels and away from Katy Perry. I settled on one of the few stations in the area, the alt-rock one that was playing “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind. Karkat and I both started singing along at the exact same time. I turned to look at him and smiled as we sang, just enjoying the fall air and the way this night was going.

Ten minutes later we arrived at his apartment. It was a quick walk up the stairs and a fumble with the apartment keys and we were in. He toed his shoes off at the door and I followed suit, not wanting to track any dirt in. He seemed to appreciate that and flipped the living room and kitchen lights on. There was a note on the counter which Karkat promptly picked up and read.

“Ok. Wow. So apparently Eridan is going to be at Sollux’s place until Wednesday. That’s really fucking weird. He never spends that much time over there.” A pause. “Whatever, at least he won’t be here bothering me.” And just like that, the note was tossed into the kitchen trash. “So. The cat didn’t make a mess of the kitchen today. That’s good. Um. Why don’t I give you the tour of our shitty little place?”

“Tour away.” I gestured forward with my hands and he led the way.

The floor plan was simple enough, living room and dining room being connected and then leading to a small hallway. At the base of it was the small restroom and down on the other end it split in two directions that were the two bedrooms of the place. Karkat’s was on the left and Eridan’s on the right. Simple enough.

“Nice place.” I noted.

“It’s really not, but thanks.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“No problem.” I plopped down on the couch and just laid back to relax. “So what do you want to do now?”

“Well, what I want to do is go change out of these work clothes.” He grumbled.

“Go ahead, I don’t mind waiting.” I offered.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine out here. Besides it’s your apartment. I’m not gonna stop you from being comfortable in your own home.”

“Ok. I’ll be back.” And just like that he disappeared. When he said he’d be right back he wasn’t kidding though. Less than a minute later he was back in a t-shirt and some sweatpants.

“Jesus, that was fast.” I commented. Again he just shrugged.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

“Depends on the movie. Just because I know you have decent music taste doesn’t mean you have good movie taste too.”

“First of all, fuck you. Second of all, I have great taste in movies.”

“We’ll see about that.” I teased.

Surprisingly he wasn’t wrong. The movie Karkat and I wound up watching was Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I’m not normally one to pay a compliment to Michael Cera, but it wasn’t a totally shitty movie in all honesty. Which, coming from me, was a pretty decent compliment movie wise. We spent a majority of the movie cuddling and saying ‘same’ and ‘relatable’ to almost every single one of Wallace’s lines.

At some point we both passed out. When I woke up it was pitch black in the room and the “are you still watching?” message was up on the screen. I hit no and turned off the tv, then checked the time. Fucking 2am. Jesus Christ. I nudged Karkat, trying to get him to wake up so he could get to bed. He simply nudged me back and continued sleeping like a log on my shoulder. I sighed and unlatched him from me. He groaned in his sleep and yet still failed to wake up. I wound up scooping him up and carrying him bridal style to his bedroom. I set him down gently on his bed and he latched his arms around my neck, refusing to let go apparently. I sighed and just gave in, too tired to try and unlatch him a second time, laying down next to him and subsequently passing the fuck out again.

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed and a sweet smell in the air. I groggily got up and stumbled to the kitchen only to find a very grumpy Karkat attempting to make toaster waffles. Or rather, attempting to fight the toaster in order to get the cooked waffles out from its iron grip. I laughed a little but went to his rescue.

We ate breakfast and wound up back on the couch, just hanging out and watching Friends.

“So, wanna do anything today?” Karkat asked, apparently getting bored of the episode already.

“Why don’t we go on a date?” I suggested.

“Like a coffee date?”

“No. I mean, like a real date. You know, since I’m not available and all.” I grinned.

“You really aren’t going to let that go, are you?” He only seemed a little bit annoyed, so that was good.

“Probably not.”

“Ok fine.”

“Wait, was that a fine for the date or fine for me not letting go of that golden line you dropped?”

“Yes.”

“Really?” I didn’t actually expect him to agree to a real date so soon.

“Do you want me to change my answer?”

“No, no. I like this answer. I just didn’t think I’d get this far. I don’t actually have any ideas of where to take you.”

“Well there’s a whole list of bullshit first date ideas we could roll through.” Karkat suggested. I immediately knew that he probably wasn’t actually looking to go on a stereotypical first date. It didn’t fit him much anyway to try and replicate traditional stuff when it came to romance anyway.

“What? So you mean like, dinner and a movie? That kind of shit?”

“Sure, shit like that. Or bowling. Or going ‘someplace nice’ which is really just a fancy restaurant that isn’t quite fancy enough to need a reservation.” He really seemed to know his shit here.

“What about a picnic?”

“Still too cliche.”

“Damn. “ I sat and thought for a while longer before realizing that anything and everything I could think of was probably terrible or cliche. I sighed and leaned my head back against the back of the couch. “Wanna just walk around town and see if anything catches our interests?”

“You know, that’s actually not a fucking terrible idea.” Score. “Do you want me to swing you by your place to get clean clothes or do you just want to borrow something?” This absolutely perfect man. I swear. It’s like he could read my mind and know exactly what I was going to worry about next.

“Would you call me lazy if I opted for borrowing clothes?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Cool.”

Karkat P.O.V.

So there we were, just walking around town aimlessly. It was pretty nice considering it was fall and there was a light breeze blowing, shuffling what few leaves had managed to make their way to the ground already. I opened up the HassleMate app and decided to turn on the setting that allowed me to add people in my phone contacts. I was genuinely surprised at the number of people who had this stupid ass app. Amongst them though, was Gamzee, so I added him. And of-fucking-course he’s online right now. I glanced at Dave and realized he too was on his phone, probably doing the same shit that I was doing right now. I decided to shoot Gamzee a message, hoping against hope that he might actually have any non-shitty ideas of where I could take Dave today.

-TerminallyCapricious has accepted your friend request-

TC: WhAt’S uP kArBrO?

TC: DiDn’T kNoW yOu AlL uP aNd HaD tHiS aPp

CG: WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID YOU SET AS YOUR QUIRK?

CG: THAT IS POSSIBLY THE MOST ANNOYING SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN

TC: HeY mAn, No NeEd To MoThErFuCkIn JuDgE.

TC: We AlL gOt OuR qUiRkS

TC: ThIs OnE iS mInE

TC: AnD yOuRs Is AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN sHoUtY

CG: I GUESS, WHATEVER

CG: ANYWAY

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU

TC: Go RiGhT oN aHeAd MoThErFuCkEr

CG: DO YOU KNOW ANY GOOD PLACES TO GO FOR DATES

TC: ThAt AlL uP aN dEpEnDs On WhO yOu’Re On A dAtE wItH

CG: YOU VERY WELL KNOW WHO I’M ON A DATE WITH.

CG: I LITERALLY TOLD YOU YESTERDAY THAT DAVE AND I ARE PRACTICALLY DATING NOW

CG: THIS IS NOT NEWS

CG: SO WHERE SHOULD I TAKE HIM?

TC: CaLm DoWn MoThErFuCkEr

TC: TaKe A bReAtHeR

TC: JuSt TaKe HiM tO yOuR pAd AnD gEt YoUr MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL oN

CG: THANKS FOR THE ADVICE

I promptly closed the app, giving up because Gamzee was absolutely no fucking help. Of fucking course his idea of a good date was going home and smoking a bowl together. That’s literally all he ever fucking did with his life. You shrug it off and open the maps application on your phone, browsing through the list of nearby locations so that maybe that could inspire you.

Dave. P.O.V.

Well this was going fucking spectacularly. Karkat and I had been walking for a solid five minutes now and still neither of us had come up with any ideas. I’d been googling local places for a while but nothing was striking me as something that we might both want to do that would be first date worthy. I opened HassleMate and decided to hit Rose up, since she had a relationship that was doing well, being married and all.

TG: hey lalonde

TG: do me a solid and help me with a thing

TT: First of all, you know for a fact that my last name is no longer Lalonde. It hasn’t been for quite a while.

TT: Second of all, I would like some context to this “thing” before I decide whether or not I will be able to help you.

TG: date ideas

TG: i need date ideas

TG: dont ask questions

TG: just spit em out

TG: please

TT: David, I had no idea that you were back to the field of dating already.

TT: Who’s the lucky lad or lady?

TG: not important

TG: so far from important that im surprised you could even find that detail to bring it up as a part of the conversation

TG: im talking solar systems away from important

TT: Based on your avoidant answer, I can only assume one of two things. Either you really are in a hurry, which you nearly never are, or it’s someone that I already know that you’d prefer me not to realize you are involved with.

TT: If it’s the former, then I’m disappointed with how terrible you are at planning nowadays.

TT: However, if it’s the latter, as I assume it is, then you’re on a date with a certain dark-haired waiter from a certain local restaurant that I recommended you check out.

TG: why

TG: why are you doing this now

TT: I believe I’ve earned the right to say “I told you so.”

TG: ok fine

TG: its him

TG: you were right

TG: kind of

TT: Kind of?

TG: you said he was my soulmate or whatever

TG: i cant verify that information just yet

TT: I said nothing of the sort. I said he would be a good fit for you. Kanaya said he was made for you. Soulmates were never mentioned.

TG: whatever

TG: take it or leave it

TG: im not admitting you were right again

TG: if you need to see it again just scroll back up to the message

TG: so will you help me or not

TT: I will. But I need details. Is this your first date together?

TG: technically no

TG: but officially yes

TT: So you have unofficially gone on a date?

TG: a few of them yea

TG: coffee

TG: the mall

TG: he came to see my show and i dedicated a song to him

TG: if those count for anything

TG: but we werent official or anything at the time

TG: now can we make with the helping

TG: were wandering around town trying to come up with ideas

TT: Fine, fine. Why not take him to a movie?

TG: hes ruled out every cliche first date option

TG: no movies

TG: no dinner

TG: no bowling

TG: basically if its happened in a movie then its ruled out

TT: Well what does he like? You could do something that caters specifically to his interests.

TG: . . . . . . .

TG: so movies

TG: library

TG: coffee

TG: or a concert

TG: basically everything has been done it or its been ruled out

TG: its a first date rose i dont know that much shit about him yet

TT: Well what are you expecting from this date? What are you hoping to get out of it? And please be honest with me, especially if you’re planning to bed this boy tonight. I’d rather not give you a decent romantic idea if you’re going to turn around and ruin it.

TG: what the fuck no

TG: that is not happening

TG: im trying to legitimately romance this guy

TG: sounds crazy i know

TG: havent done that shit since high school

TG: but since you have the expertise in courting can you give me an idea i can use

TT: Well I know that you’re not the biggest fan of sports, but there is a football game tonight at Vidar Tech. Kanaya was invited by a friend but we likely won’t be attending. Maybe that could be his sort of thing?

TG: ok

TG: yeah that could work

TG: before i pitch the idea to him though

TG: how the fuck do i flirt with someone at a football game

TT: I believe this is the part where I tell you to figure that much out for yourself because otherwise it isn’t you flirting, it’s me. I don’t really want to flirt with your future boyfriend, directly or indirectly.

TG: first of all hes already my boyfriend

TG: second of all thats just weird so whatever ill figure it out

TG: even though ill probably just fuck it up

TG: rose the guy is made for me and im going to fuck it all up

TG: see what youre setting me up for

TG: failure

TG: thats what

TG: youre just setting me up to fail

TT: Oh would you stop being so dramatic already? You’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen? You snuggle up on a bleacher bench? You hold hands? You touch tips?

TG: did you just

TG: was that a sausage party reference

TG: ohmygod

TG: why am i being tortured

TT: I couldn’t help myself. It was an opportune moment to use it.

TG: suddenly i regret convincing you to come see it with us

TT: As you should. I told you I didn’t want to watch it and now you’re seeing the repercussions of guilting me into watching a movie with you.

TG: we had already bought the tickets

TT: Regardless, I believe you have a date idea to pitch to a certain handsome boy that’s probably waiting for you to give him attention again.

TG: oh shit

TG: yea

TG: thanks for the help

TT: I expect to hear details tomorrow though, mister. You’ve been keeping me out of a loop that I helped start.

TG: yeah whatever bye

I locked my phone and shoved it in my pocket. When I looked back up at Karkat he seemed to be looking around and back at his phone like he was confused.

“You alright?” I asked, making sure we weren’t like lost or anything, since it looked like he had his maps open.

“Huh? Oh yeah. I’m good. Just still fresh out of any decent fucking ideas.” He grumbled.

“I’ve got a suggestion, but before I pitch it, a friend suggested it and I don’t know if it's really your type of thing.”

“Dave. Just tell me what the fuck it is.” He chuckled some and put his own phone away now.

“Ok. Well there’s a college football game tonight over at Vidar. Shouldn’t cost too much and it doesn’t really fall in the category of stereotypical first dates.”

“I don’t give a shit how much it costs.” And just like that I deflated. Back to the drawing board. “We’re going.” Wait what?

“Wait, what?” I asked, genuinely shocked.

“Yeah. We can make fun of the guys getting way too into the game and screaching their heads off like fucking children. It’ll be hilarious.” Karkat grinned and I swear in that moment I fell in love.

“Where have you been all my life?” I asked, instinctively lacing the statement with some sarcasm so it could be interpreted as either genuine or a joke.

“Shut up.” Karkat groaned as he lightly punched me in the shoulder. The blush on his face told me that he caught the sentiment and that was enough for me to be content with our current plans.

“Make me.” I teased. His face only got a darker shade of red. I was about to suggest we grab some food or head back to the house and chill until we actually had to leave for the game, but I was stopped dead in my tracks. Karkat had leaned up and pecked my cheek unexpectedly. I couldn’t help the grin that slipped onto my face as I took his hand and continued walking. At this point, it didn’t matter what we did, as long as I was with him everything would be fine.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

To be very fucking honest I have never, in my life, been to a football game. It was never something that interested me in high school and I didn’t go to college. So when Dave asked me if I wanted to go to a football game with him, my dumb ass brain went “that’s not a stereotypical first date trope, go for it” and I agreed.

As soon as we got there and tried to locate seats in the already overpacked stadium, I wasn’t so sure that this was a good idea anymore. I was never entirely comfortable with large crowds like this, especially with how fucking rude I could be at times. On top of that, it was fucking cold tonight. If I had to take a guess, it was probably around 45 degrees (Fahrenheit). Even with the hoodie I was snuggled into and a long sleeve shirt underneath, it was still pretty damn chilly. How in the hell Dave managed this with only a t-shirt and thin hoodie, I would never understand.

Eventually we found pretty decent seats, not quite the nosebleed section but still pretty high up and close enough to the middle. As soon as Dave plopped down on the bench next to me, I scooted in towards him, hoping to steal some of his body heat by being so close. It barely helped. Fuck my life.

“So. You wanna wait until after kickoff to get hot chocolate or is your shivering just for my amusement?” Dave asked, grinning some. I punched him lightly in the arm.

“You fucking asshole. There was hot chocolate and you made me walk all the way the fuck up here without it?” I grumbled.

“I figured you had seen the stands for it when we passed them by the entrance.” He shrugged, laughing more now.

“Well I fucking didn’t and there’s no way in hell I’m going all the way down and back up those fucking unforgiving stairs of death.” I grumbled, slipping one sleeve of my hoodie into the other in attempts to keep my hands warm.

“I guess you’ll just have to freeze then.” Dave stated in a dramatic voice. “Unless someone were to warm you up.”

“I wonder who the hell would do that?” I rolled my eyes at him and played along.

“Gosh. He’d have to be a real heroic guy to do something that nice. A true gift to this world. Worthy of all the praise that he’d obviously receive from performing such a sacrificial act.”

“Obviously.” I scoffed, mentally laughing at how arrogant he was being, even in jest.

“I wonder who that guy could be? Is there a chance that he’s even here tonight?” Dave then put a hand to his forehead and started scanning the crowd like he was genuinely looking for someone.

“Just shut the fuck up and cuddle me, you asshole.” I grumbled with a smile on my face.

“Me? You think I’m worthy enough to keep you warm.” He pointed at himself and looked around again, still very much in the ‘drama zone’.

“No. But you’re warm-blooded and you have a fucking pulse. So I’ll take it.”

Dave fucking scoffed.“Ouch. My ego is now fatally wounded. It’s just laying there, bleeding out. We should probably call 9-1-1 for this shit.”

“What a tragedy.” I said sarcastically.

“Seriously man. My confidence is shot and you’re the only one around here with a metaphorical gun in your hand.”

“Dave. Will you please shut up and just put your fucking arm around me already? Because if you don’t I might just use that metaphorical gun on myself so I don’t have to hear any more of this bullshit.” I sighed, ready to just facepalm when he inevitably decided to continue his schtick.

He surprised me though. “If it means saving your life, sure thing babe.” And then he grinned. He genuinely fucking grinned at me and slipped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. I nuzzled my face into his chest because holy fucking shit my nose was numb from the cold. He pecked the top of my head and for once I was grateful for the blood that rushed to my face. At least if I was blushing then I was warm.

Dave P.O.V.

About half an hour later we were just getting to the end of the first quarter and Karkat was surprisingly into the game. We had started off making fun of all the guys screaming their lungs out, but after a while he started making comments about the game, which quickly turned into him yelling about it too. I wasn’t sure if he just wanted a reason to yell or if he actually knew what was going on. Either way it was pretty damn entertaining. Not to mention, every time he would cuss, this older lady in front of us would cover her kids ears and glare at us. I don’t think that Karkat really noticed it, but I certainly did and it was fucking hilarious. If you don’t want your kids to hear cussing then don’t bring them to a college football game. That’s just common sense right there.

It wasn’t surprising that Karkat still wanted hot chocolate, despite my best efforts at keeping him warm. So I jogged down the stairs and hopped in line for us. It was a pretty long line too. As I stood there, I pulled out my phone and started scrolling casually, not really paying attention until I heard a shrill voice behind me.

“Well if it isn’t the boyfriend stealer.” Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. No. Fuck no. Nope Fuck no. Shit. Damn. Fuck. What the fuck was Terezi doing here?

I did my best to ignore her, pretend I didn’t hear her, pretend I was someone else, anything to get her thinking she had the wrong person. Then I remembered the bitch was blind and I knew there was no pretending that she couldn’t smell me. I chanced a glance behind me and sure enough she was there, a few people in line separating us. I tensed up and decided to hop right the fuck out of line and see if there were any other booths up that also had hot chocolate.

I wandered past some tents before finally finding one at the far end that had literally no line and hot chocolate on their menu. When I tried a sip from my own cup, I realized why. It wasn’t exactly top quality, but for the cheap ass price and a line devoid of psycho bitches, it was excellent.

As I made my way back to Karkat, I managed to slip past Terezi without her picking up my scent again. I was glad for that because it meant she wouldn’t follow me and badger me about whatever shit she was still holding onto. I was also absolutely certain Karkat wouldn’t want to see her either. So that was one bullet dodged.

But of course, nothing in life was ever easy or fair, so as I was going up the stairs I nearly ran into a guy who was darting down them.

“Oops. Sorry.” He blurted, looking back at me as he passed before stopping his descent altogether. As soon as I saw those bucked teeth my anxiety fucking spiked through the roof. Why me? Why him? Why did he have to be here tonight of all fucking nights? “Oh shit. Dave? Is that you?” He asked cheerfully. Why did he have to seem so fucking pleased to see me?

I kept my mouth shut and just sort of stared like a deer in the headlights. “Dave. It’s me, John. Y’know. Egbert. Egderp. Whatever it was you used to call me. Anyway, how’ve you been?” He pressed.

“Sorry, I’d love to catch up but as you can see I’ve got my hands full, so I’ve really got to go.” I blurted out, almost too fast, before turning right around and basically jogging up the bleachers. When I chanced a look over my shoulder, John was just standing there watching me run away from him with a confused look on his face. Then he turned around and kept going down the bleachers.

When I finally made it back to Karkat I was out of breath as hell. Those stairs really were torture. Why did I have to pick a seat so high up?

“Are you fucking ok? You look like you just ran your first 5k.” Karkat asked, reaching out to take one of the styrofoam cups from my hand.

“Yeah. Totally fine.” I said in between my deep breaths, attempting to regain my composure.

“Why were you running up the stairs?” He asked before taking a sip of his cocoa. Just like that I felt like a deer in the headlights again. That was not a conversation I wanted to have right now. Not at all. That would be the absolute worst thing to talk about on our first date.

“Just getting some good ol’ exercise. Keeping myself warm so that I can keep you warm.” I grinned, mentally patting myself on the back for that quick cover up there.

“Mhm.” He looked at me for a long moment and I did my best to act like nothing was up. “Are you sure you’re alright? You seem a little …. jumpy.”

“Dude, you’re crazy. Everything is totally fine.” I finally reclaimed my seat next to him, now that I had my lungs under control.

“Look me in the eye without your shades and tell me that.” Karkat turned to face me on the bleacher bench now. I had a feeling he wasn’t going to drop the topic.

“And be blinded by the bright ass stadium lights? Are you trying to torture me?”

“We can go sit somewhere else that’s less brightly lit if you fucking want. I just want the goddamn assurance that everything is o-fucking-k, because you’re being really weird.”

“But these are like the perfect seats.” I protested, giving our great view another glance over. The only problem was that I saw John heading up the bleachers once more and he seemed to be looking around for someone. I hoped to high fuck that it wasn’t me. “On second thought, maybe we aren’t high enough up. You’re right. We should move.”

“Aren’t high enough? Are you fucking kidding me? We should be moving down if anything. Especially with how fucking winded you got just coming back up those stairs. Dave. Dave fucking Strider are you even listening to me?” He rambled. And trust me, I was listening. I heard every word of what he was saying, but my mind was much more focused on an escape plan. I didn’t want to run into John again and I was trying to find every possible route that would let me abscond without being spotted. Our best option was to run up the bleachers, walk across an empty row, and then jog back down the set of stairs on the other side.

“Yeah. Sorry. Just scouting out some better seats. I think I see some over there. C’mon.” And just like that I got up and practically jogged up the stairs again. Karkat followed behind at his own leisure pace, not like I expected any different from him. He wasn’t exactly in any hurry to avoid anyone.

I led him up, across, and back down and he fucking stopped and facepalmed halfway down the steps. “Why didn’t we just fucking scoot past the few people sitting next to us? That was so fucking unnecessary to go around like that.”

“Didn’t wanna bug anyone.” I muttered, continuing down the steps, trying to urge him to do the same. He did but at a much slower pace.

“Seriously? That’s not like you at all. What the fuck is up with you right now?”

“Just trying to be a good samaritan while in public. Don’t wanna block anybody’s view of the game.” God this was all such bullshit. I was well aware of the fact that I was acting like a child and yet I couldn’t really stop myself from continuing to do it.

“Wow, what a saint.” When I looked back at him, Karkat rolled his eyes at me and I could tell it was sarcasm. I glanced around and saw John sitting down with some other kids, presumably friends or classmates. At least he wasn’t up and looking for me.

“Here seems good.” I gestured a bench that had just enough space on the end for two people to sit comfortably. I asked the guy who’d be next to us if it was cool that we sat there and he shrugged. So that was that. New seats. Tada.

Karkat P.O.V.

An hour and at least five seat changes later we were nearing the last quarter of the game and I was ready to fucking snap. This was getting ridiculous. I’d pretty much figured out that Dave was avoiding someone, but who or why I had no fucking clue. My best guess was that he’d managed to piss someone off and was trying not to get his ass kicked.

At the present moment we were seated by the entrance/exit/food tent area in maybe the fifth row back on the very edge of the bleachers. The kind of seat where if I turned to my left I could just jump down to the grass and walk off instead of having to take any stairs down and around. We sat here for a good fifteen minutes before Dave leaned over and asked me to scoot to my left. I just fucking glared at him.

“You do fucking realize that if I do that I’ll fall on my ass, right? Why can’t we just get up and walk down the stairs and around the side like normal fucking people?” I asked, glancing back and forth between Dave and the jump.

“What kind of fun would that be?” He asked, trying and failing to make it seem like he was doing this just for the fun of it. He glanced around again and then started to really panic. “Shit. Do me a solid here babe, can you just jump down without making it obvious that we’re getting up?” He was whispering to me now, apparently this was some big fucking secret. I just huffed under my breath and hopped off as requested. Then as soon as we were both on the ground I dragged him under the bleachers by the sleeve of his jacket.

“Ok. Cut the bullshit. You’re going to tell me right the fuck now why we keep moving seats and why you’re being so fucking weird. I’m not playing this game of musical chairs anymore Dave.”

“As much as I would love to tell you, I’d rather not get on that topic today.”

“Well if you’re worried about fucking up our first date, you’re not exactly on a good path right now anyway.” I shot back.

“Shit. You’re right. I’ve basically already fucked it all up. Damn it. This was supposed to be our first official date, not the ‘avoid-your-ex olympics’.” He sighed and I straight up laughed right in his face. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was laughing at him but it was pretty damn funny to me.

“Wait. So you’ve been doing all this to avoid an ex? Dave you could’ve just told me that from the fucking start. You goddamn loveable idiot.”

“In my defense, I’d like to point out that it’s not just my ex.” He was pouting, but I stopped laughing when I registered what he was trying to say.

“You don’t know any of my - wait.” It was in that moment that I remembered I’d drunkenly told Dave about Terezi. Fuck. “Holy shit. Are they here together?”

“I doubt it after the shit that went down.” He mumbled.

“Shit that went down? Do you know something that I don’t here?” Obviously he must have known something. The real question was what exactly that something was.

“Probably, but I’d prefer to keep it that way and not have the ‘ex-history’ discussion tonight. That’s like the first rule of first dates is to not talk about your exes.” As cute as that was, it didn’t make a single bit of sense to me.

“Fuck the rules. I’m curious, tell me.”

He sighed, “Look, I know I’ve already fucked this date up but I would really prefer not to fuck it up even more by digging into that particular topic.” He seemed still very on edge and he kept looking over my shoulder towards the crowd to make sure no one had found us yet.

“Who says that it would fuck it up? The imaginary dating rules? We basically threw those out the motherfucking window the moment we decided not to have a stereotypical date. Go ahead and tell me. I’m not going to think any differently of you for it. It’s not like you fucking killed anyone, right?”

“Absolutely not. Nothing like that.” He snapped his head to face me now, seeing just how serious I was about this.

“Ok then spill the beans, Strider.” We stared each other down for a solid minute before he gave in.

“Can I just give you the gist of it now and tell you full details later? It’s really fucking stupid and I don’t want to waste time on it that I could be spending salvaging this fucking awful date.”

“Deal. Now start talking.” I grabbed him by the shoulders and turned us around so that his back was to the crowd. I didn’t want him super distracted while talking to me.

“Fine. Ok. Alright. So you already know that Terezi is here and that is basically fucking awful. On top of her being your ex, she’s also slashed my tires before because I may or may not have kissed her boyfriend without knowing he was her boyfriend. He’s here too.”

“Holy fucking shit.” That was all I could think to say because damn that was tame compared to what Terezi would normally do but it was still damn crazy.

“Yeah and even though this shit happened over a year and a half ago I still try to avoid both of them at all costs. But they both had to fucking be here tonight, of course. So that’s why I’ve been moving our seats and shit.” As soon as he finished talking I noticed a certain blind bitch making her way past the front side of the bleachers, sniffing for something. I knew that could only mean she’d been on our trail.

I looked wide eyed at Dave who caught on right away and nodded. I grabbed his hand and we ran through the backside of the bleachers until we were immersed in the dark. I grabbed my phone with my free hand and flicked open the flashlight so that we could see the ground without tripping over anything. We kept running, being as careful as two people can be while holding hands and running, until eventually we came to a dead end. Or not really a dead end, but the other side of the bleachers. The problem was that it didn’t exactly open like the side we’d came from. There was a crack of light from the stadium lights coming in between the seats and the solid cement wall that was trapping us under the bleachers. Shit.

I silently hoped that she wouldn’t be dumb enough to follow us all the way back here, but I knew that because she was blind she probably wouldn’t have the common sense to avoid it either.

“What the fuck do we do? We’re totally cornered.” I whisper shouted.

“Well it’s not like she’s going to see us per se, right?”

“Yeah, what’s your point? She’d smell us here and then it’s game over.” I started to turn in circles, flicking my phone flashlight off since it was useless now.

“How’s her hearing?”

“She’s blind you douche, it’s obviously fucking phenomenal.” I deadpanned.

“What if we made noises that would deter her from coming any closer.” It was in that moment that I realized Dave had officially lost his fucking mind.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Are there any noises that she hates? Anything you can remember to get rid of her?” Dave asked, clearly making this my fucking issue. I wasn’t the one who’d been avoiding her all night.

“I guess we could just make it sound really fucking awkward so she wouldn’t want to come any closer. Like pretend we’re doing the fucking do behind the bleachers so she leaves us the fuck alone.” I could not believe the words that just came out of my mouth. This was the dumbest fucking plan I could have possibly come up with. Then again the was the most fucking stupid situation I’d ever been in too.

“You mean like fake moaning and shit? Dude we’re so going to get kicked the fuck out of here if security hears us.” Dave seemed a little panicked but I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t exactly want to get kicked out either.

“It doesn’t have to be super loud. Just loud enough and convincing enough that her fucking bat-sight echolocation or whatever catches it and makes her leave.”

“Loud enough is no problem, but convincing enough ….. I don’t know.”

“You’re fucking kidding me right? You can’t do convincing fake moans?”

“Not for lack of trying, but every time I get caught and people see right through it. I never claimed to be a great actor, ok?”

“Goddamnit Dave.” My face was starting to flush just from talking about this.

“We could make it sound like I’m blowing you if that’d be better. Since my mouth would be occupied.”

“I-” And that was it. My face was now at maximum redness. Damn him for giving me that visual. “No. Just no. Fuck faking it. Come right the fuck here, you idiot.” He looked like he was about to speak up again but I didn’t give him the fucking chance to. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulled him into a bruising kiss, and then pinned him to the damn wall.

Once he seemed to get past the initial shock of being pinned to the wall he started kissing back. I tried to not be so forceful since I wasn’t actually planning on taking this all the way. But at the very least I could get him worked up enough to make this whole stupid plan actually convincing and have him making some small noises.

So I started kissing him more gently, scraping my teeth across his bottom lip and then swiping my tongue over it to soothe it. He gasped and finally wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I chuckled against his lips and he smiled back. Then he pulled away for a second and I moved to kissing along his jaw.

“Damn babe. And only on the first date?” He teased.

“Oh would you just shut the fuck up and kiss me like you fucking mean it?”

“Yes sir, can do.” He grinned before leaning back in and recapturing my lips. I put more of my weight against him, pressing his back further into the wall. This time he swiped his tongue past my lips and I just melted right there in his arms, parting my lips for him. I hummed softly, the noise caught between our mouths as our tongues met for the first time.

Sparing the dirty details, we continued to make out for a solid minute or so before Dave pulled back for breath again. I just kept kissing him though, moving down to his neck, my hands roaming a little to drag over his chest and then back up under his sweater.

“Karkat.” He whispered.

“Hm?” I hummed back, not bothering to stop leaving little bites across his neck.

“Just how far are we gonna take this?” I could hear the soft groan in his voice and it definitely sparked something in me, something that I had been trying very hard to repress.

“Far enough to make her leave us the fuck alone, I guess. Why? Did you want to stop?” I asked, being completely serious despite knowing that he probably didn’t if the look on his face was anything to go by.

“No, god no. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable with any of this.” He seemed so genuinely concerned that my heart fucking melted right there. Dave actually, genuinely cares about me and my comfort and my well being. Holy shit.

I buried my head into his shoulder and held him a little tighter. “Thanks, but I wouldn’t have started it if I wasn’t sure. I’m the one who came up with this idea, remember?”

“Yeah-” Dave stopped mid-response. “I think she’s coming. Or someone is at least.” He whispered, looking over my shoulder and towards the darkness.

“Then come here and kiss me some more so they’ll leave us the fuck alone.” I responded with an eye roll. To be honest, I was kind of enjoying this more than I’d been enjoying the football game. Public affection and sneaking around were two things that I was really coming to have a liking for.

“Dave?” The voice called out. It wasn’t Terezi though. It sounded like a guy maybe.

“Fuck, no time for kissing. Do you trust me?” Dave spat out. I didn’t have much time to think about what his plan was so I just nodded and let him do as he pleased. “Ok awesome, play it up for me, will ya?” That should have thrown me off, but I just kept nodding like the fucking idiot that I am.

Dave turned us around so that he had me pinned to the wall now. I looked up at him for a brief second but quickly lost sight of him as he dropped to his fucking knees in front of me. This was not fucking happening. Ohmygod.

“Dave? Is that you?” The voice asked again, clearly getting closer. It was sort of hard to hear it over the roar of the crowd above us in the bleachers but it was still audible.

I looked down at Dave and mouthed ‘Are you fucking crazy?’ to which he mouthed back ‘trust me’. How the fuck I got myself into these situations I’d never know. I tilted my head back and pressed it against the wall behind me, trying not to blush too hard. But what can you do when your boyfriend is vis a vis with your dick underneath the bleachers at a football game?

He gripped my hips and I jumped a little, color rushing to my face all over again. I took a deep breath and he smiled up at me, moving closer and pressing a kiss to my zipper. I did what any normal person would do and fucking whimpered because shit this was hot and damn I’d been deprived of anything like it for so fucking long. Dave’s eyes lit up at that and he did it again, trying to get me to make more noise, clearly.

Dave brought a hand to my zipper and palmed me and I swear I could have gotten a concussion from how fast my head flew back to the wall again and smacked against it. I brought a hand up to my mouth to cover my expression because damn that was embarrassing.

“Damn babe.” I heard him mutter from below me and I fucking whined again.

“Fuck you.” I was trying to sound intimidating but honestly, it just came out weak and needy.

“If you insist.” He purred, starting to move his head in a way that mimed blowing me. That’s when I caught on to what he was doing. I mentally slapped myself for not realizing that sooner but prepared myself for playing along.

“Fuuuck.” I purred out, letting a hand drop to his hair and helping him with his miming, making sure he got close to me but not close enough to actually press against me again. I continued to let out soft fake moans, pitching them now and again so that it was more realistic.

“Dave?” The voice called out again, much much closer now. I looked ahead into the darkness and could just barely make out a figure standing there. “Oh. Oh shit. My bad. Sorry guys.” And with that, the figure turned tail and got the hell out of there.

Dave continued to mime for a moment, just to make sure whoever it was was gone, before letting up and busting up laughing. “Holy shit dude.” The laughter was infectious and I couldn’t help myself.

“Who the fuck was that though? Was that your ex?” I asked.

“Yeah, but goddamn was that hilarious. Long story short, his name is John. I dated him when he was convinced that he was bisexual, but he never wanted anything to do with ‘guy parts’. So finding me sucking another guys dick was probably the wake up call he needed to leave me alone.” Dave stood up and started brushing his jeans off where they’d gotten dirty from kneeling.

“You mean he hasn’t been leaving you alone?”

“I had to move, change my fucking number, and make Jake swear to secrecy, since they’re cousins.”

“Fuck, Dave. That dude really had it bad for you.”

“You have no idea. I’ll tell you the rest of the story sometime if you want.”

“Why don’t we walk home and you can tell me on the way?” I suggested.

“Sure. But first, do you need a cold shower or are you good walking that far?” He smirked at me and I flipped him off.

“I wasn’t that into it. I told you I can fake moans pretty fucking well.” I defended.

“Mhm. Tell that to your semi, babe.”

“Will you shut the fuck up?” I groaned, pulling the hood of my sweater up and tugging the strings to hide my red face.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

Dave walked me home that night and told me all about his past drama with John and Terezi. Apparently he’d tried going to our local college, Vidar, for a semester and that’s where he met John. Dark hair, blue eyes, buck-toothed smile, what’s not to like, right? Too bad John failed to mention that he was already in a relationship when they started flirting. Dave didn’t know, obviously, and starting hanging out with John and going on unofficial dates and shit with him.

They date for maybe a month, shit’s pretty ok. John’s apparently afraid of doing anything more than making out with Dave, but it’s not a huge deal really. He doesn’t suspect a thing about John being in another relationship. Then one day Dave sees John and Terezi together and sort of figures it out by the way that they’re holding hands and kissing often and shit that John was cheating on her with him.

When Dave found out he’d tried to back out of the relationship and call it off, but John got suuuper clingy and tried to tell Dave that he was leaving Terezi anyway. Dave told him that he didn’t care and that it was cheating and that he didn’t want to be with anyone who was willing to cheat even if it was to be with him. Basically saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater. I can’t trust you not to turn around and do the same shit to me if we were to date.” But John didn’t seem to see the logic in that and instead kept begging for Dave to take him back.

Then Terezi found out somehow that John had been cheating, even after Dave had tried to break it off. So she went crazy, slashed Dave’s tires, left a note that basically said ‘you can’t steal boyfriends without wheels to roll up in’ or some lame shit like that. Then she went and broke up with John anyway because he was the one that had done the cheating in the first place. Ever since then John had apparently been trying to get back in contact with Dave because he was still interested in pursuing a relationship there.

Fast forward to the current day and that is clearly not fucking happening because I’m in the picture now, and I don’t plan on giving up this relationship anytime soon. Not to mention that Dave wants absolutely nothing to do with John and has been actively avoiding him. And that’s the story of why Dave no longer has a vehicle to drive. Tires are fucking expensive for an old half-broken vehicle that barely works. So he gave up on the whole thing and sold it for parts.

But anyway, after Dave walked me home and finished his story about John and Terezi, he got his stuff from my apartment and said his goodnights to me at the door. It was quite possibly one the cutest moments of my entire fucking life so far. He was such a gentleman, standing there with his little grocery sack of clothes and a promise to return mine to me sometime this week. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles like a true gentleman and told me that despite all the crazy shit, he really enjoyed our date. I could not stop grinning but agreed that it was much better than any first date I’d ever been on or witnessed.

We stood there awkwardly for a beat before he just slipped an arm around my waist, pulled me closer, and kissed me. I melted and wrapped my arms around his shoulders and we made out for at least a solid minute in my doorway. Then we parted and promised to text each other later and he went home.

Then as I was laying in bed, trying to sleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about the date and the fake blowjob thing under the bleachers. The way he was looking up at me and I could just barely see those brown-red eyes from under his shades. How he’d actually gone so far as to kiss the zipper of my pants and the way his lips looked so damn kissable in that moment. How worked up I’d gotten him just from some heavy making out and pinning him against the wall.That boy was going to kill me someday, that was for sure.

The next morning I had to change the sheets. That’s all I’m going to fucking say on the matter.

The rest of the week went well enough. We had more coffee dates. Dave visited me at work a few times, just popping in to say hi to Roxy and I or sometimes getting a ride to his job from Roxy. A few of my coworkers jeered at me for it, but I paid no mind to it because honestly, if they didn’t like it they could go fuck themselves. I was happy with Dave and I thought it was really fucking cute and sweet of him to visit me. Then of course there was the coworkers like Meenah and Gamzee who were full of shit like “I told you so” and smart remarks about how they knew things would work out with Dave.

The week after, Dave found out that I’ve never had pumpkin flavored anything and decides he wants to remedy that by forcing me to get a pumpkin spice frappuccino. According to him it’s “the best shit on the planet” and in order to have lived a fulfilling life I have to try it at least once, or some shit like that. I was skeptical, but I went along with it because so far he hadn’t been wrong about coffee.

For once I was thankful that he had the “if you don’t like it, I’ll drink it for you” rule because holy fucking shit I am not a fan of pumpkin spice. I’m not sure if it was the pumpkin part or the spice part but whatever the fuck it was, it was disgusting. I spit it out after the first fucking sip. I’ll stick to my dark chocolate mint perfection drink, thanks. Fuck pumpkins.

The following days we talk about ideas for a second actual date but don’t solidify any real plans. Meenah sends out a reminder that the restaurant will be closed for Thanksgiving and that we all will have the day off. So that was a fucking relief. Last year we’d stayed open and there was a literal fucking fight in the parking lot over who got to request off for the day and who all had to work. Needless to say it was slow as hell because no one wants to be verbally harassed at dinner on Thanksgiving and we wound up losing more money than we made. So smart move on Meenah’s part this time.

Dave texts me on Saturday about Thanksgiving though, and it’s easily one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had.

TG: hey so i just heard from the station manager that we get thanksgiving off

TG: hes just gonna set up a playlist and let it roll through all day on shuffle

TG: and i know you have the day off too

TG: so if you wanna maybe do something or come over or whatever thatd be pretty cool

CG: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO, I CAN’T.

CG: EVERY YEAR MY DAD HOSTS THIS STUPID HUGE PARTY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY AND WE ALL HAVE TO GO AND DRESS NICE AND ACT LIKE WE CAN STAND EACH OTHER FOR A WHOLE NIGHT.

TG: yikes

TG: that sounds like a fucking nightmare

TG: any way that you can get out of it

TG: i could help you think of ways to get out of it if you want

CG: I WISH, BUT I ALREADY CONFIRMED WITH HIM THAT THE RESTAURANT WILL BE CLOSED FOR THE HOLIDAY.

CG: SO BASICALLY I SIGNED MY OWN DEATHWISH ALREADY AND AM NOW SUCKED INTO THIS SHITTY VORTEX THAT IS THE OBLIGATORY FAMILY THANKSGIVING DINNER

TG: damn

TG: and here i was really looking forward to stuffing a turkeys ass with you and throwing cranberries at each other

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

CG: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME HOLIDAY RIGHT?

TG: is that not the tradition

TG: stuffing the turkey

TG: seeing just how much that dead, skinned, de-feathered bird can take up his anus

TG: stuffing that shit full of festive side dishes until its overflowing

TG: treating that sweet turkey tush like it is the last cornucopia we will ever get to fill in our lifetimes

CG: I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU MADE ME READ THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK KIND OF TRADITIONS DO YOU EVEN HAVE, STRIDER?

TG: you mean your family doesnt do that shit

CG: OF FUCKING COURSE NOT. WE JUST COOK A NORMAL FUCKING TURKEY AND MAKE NORMAL FUCKING SIDES AND EAT A NORMAL FUCKING MEAL WITH EVERYTHING SEPARATED AND NOT SHOVED UP IN THE TURKEY’S ANUS.

TG: you really are missing out man

TG: do you at least do turkey themes

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK ARE TURKEY THEMES

TG: you know

TG: like themes

TG: for how you dress up the turkey

CG: YOU DRESS UP YOUR TURKEY?

TG: you dont

TG: dude its literally the best part

TG: one year dirk made his turkey a mashed potato wedding dress

TG: another bro made his turkey into a murder scene using cranberry sauce as fake blood

TG: its like the best part of the whole holiday

CG: I’M GOING TO TAKE A WILD GUESS AND SAY THAT PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD WAS ENCOURAGED WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP?

CG: WAIT. HIS TURKEY? DO YOU EACH GET YOUR OWN TURKEY?

TG: yeah

TG: of course we each get our own turkey

TG: how would we be able to judge the best dressed turkey with only one turkey

TG: that would just be impossible

TG: and its not playing with your food

TG: its art

TG: its tradition

CG: WELL THOSE PARTICULAR TRADITIONS DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT IN MY FAMILY’S HOUSEHOLD I GUESS.

TG: im so sorry that you had such a boring childhood babe

TG: we have to make up for turkeys lost

TG: im going to make you a whole turkey and all the sides you can think of

TG: and you can dress it up however you like and we can stuff it together

CG: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER, AND TRUST ME I REALLY WOULD, I REALLY CAN’T MISS THIS DINNER WITH MY DAD.

CG: IT’S NOT EVEN THAT I WANT TO GO, SO MUCH AS IF I DON’T THEN IT’LL ONLY BE 10 TIMES WORSE AT CHRISTMAS AND THE LAST THING I WANT IS TO SPEND A WHOLE FUCKING WEEKEND WITH MY FAMILY BASKING IN SHITTY MUSIC AND FRUITCAKES.

CG: SO ALL IN ALL PUTTING UP WITH THIS BORING AND STUCK UP DINNER IS THE BETTER OPTION IN THE LONG RUN

TG: i can only imagine

TG: what do you guys even do for thanksgiving then

TG: other than dress up and avoid passing out from boredom

CG: THAT’S LITERALLY ABOUT ALL WE DO.

CG: A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE COME OVER, WE MAKE FOOD, THEY ALL SOCIALIZE OR WATCH TV TOGETHER OR SHOW EACH OTHER PICTURES OF THINGS THEY’VE DONE OR PLACES THEY’VE BEEN THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. IT’S LIKE A FUCKING MEET AND GREET BUFFET WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW AND ONLY SEE ON THANKSGIVING AND MAYBE CHRISTMAS.

CG: IT’S FUCKING BORING AND AWFUL

CG: OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT, EVERY YEAR MY COUSIN DOES AN HOUR LONG PRAYER SPEECH FOR US BEFORE THE MEAL

CG: IT’S THE MOST AGONIZING THING IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE.

TG: i can only imagine that

TG: just sitting there staring at the food

TG: not being able to eat it yet

TG: being taunted by the boring ass turkey

TG: and droned into starvation by verses said in the name of our lord and savior jesus h christ

CG: EXACTLY. IT’S A LIVING HELL.

TG: take me with you

CG: WHAT?

TG: take me with you to thanksgiving with your family

TG: if im allowed that is

TG: and if youre ok with it

TG: dont wanna rush anything of course

TG: but you shouldnt have to be tortured alone

CG: DAVE, ARE YOU OK? WERE YOU READING ANYTHING I JUST TYPED ABOUT HOW FUCKING AWFUL MY THANKSGIVING IS?

TG: yep

TG: read every word

TG: i still wanna go though

CG: YOU GODDAMN MASOCHIST. JESUS CHRUST.

CG: CHRIST*

TG: in the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, jesus chrust, amen

CG: FUCK OFF

CG: IT WAS A FUCKING TYPO

CG: ALSO MY DAD SAID YES

TG: yes to what

TG: what did you ask your dad about that i need to know he said yes to

TG: babe

TG: some answers would be nice here

TG: dont leave me hanging

CG: YES TO ME BRINGING A GUEST TO THANKSGIVING

CG: YOU CAN COME

TG: wait really?

CG: YES REALLY. DID YOU NOT ACTUALLY WANT TO GO? FUCK. WERE YOU JUST JOKING AROUND? SHIT. DID I JUST FUCK THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION UP MAJORLY BY ASKING PERMISSION FOR THIS SHIT? YOU TOTALLY DON’T HAVE TO FUCKING GO IF YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY WANT TO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

TG: no no

TG: i was serious

TG: i just didnt expect you to agree

TG: or i guess

TG: i didnt expect you to ask your dad and for him to agree

TG: holy shit

TG: how am i supposed to dress

CG: SOMETHING NICE BUT NOT TOO CRAZY. LIKE BUSINESS CASUAL. MAYBE A SWEATER OVER A BUTTON DOWN OR SOMETHING.

TG: cool

TG: so i get to meet your dad

TG: how do i address him

TG: mr vantas

TG: dad vantas

TG: sir

TG: the man whose sperm gave life to the greatest ass ive ever seen

CG: I THINK MR. VANTAS WILL BE FINE UNLESS HE SAYS OTHERWISE

CG: ALSO HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT OUT LOUD IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY

CG: AS IT IS I’M GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH MY CUSSING

CG: THEY’RE ALL LIKE SUPER RELIGIOUS.

TG: damn, so i can’t call you daddys little dick rider

CG: WE HAVENT EVEN

CG: YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME THAT

CG: WHAT THE FUCK

CG: WHAT THE F U C K

TG: just teasing you babe

TG: but its good to know that youre fine with calling me daddy

TG: didnt peg you as the ddlb type

TG: not complaining though

TG: <3

CG: FUCK YOU

CG: THAT IS NOT A FUCKING THING

CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THAT

CG: I AM NOT CALLING YOU THAT

CG: EVER

Dave P.O.V.

And now we fast forward to Thanksgiving day. Karkat picks me up around noon and I’m dressed in a dark red sweater, no button down because apparently I don’t actually own any that aren’t flannels, and some black jeans. Shades firmly settled on my face per usual, because like hell am I going to show off my freak eyes to my boyfriend’s family when meeting them for the first time.

Karkat looks fucking amazing in his cute little black and grey sweater vest getup. His curly hair looks like he tried to tame it, but all in all it doesn’t look much different than it usually does.

“You look nice.” I note as I hop into the front passenger seat.

“So do you.” He actually smiles at me and I can see the nerves wearing him already.

“Are you sure that it’s fine that I go with you?” I ask again, just to be sure. I’ve asked him this question at least four other times this week but it never hurts to be assured.

“Yes.” He states firmly, gripping the steering wheel and staring straight ahead.

“You look tense.” I point out.

“Yes.” He repeats, less firm now.

“What’s got you so worried?” I ask, trying to keep up a conversation as we pull out of the apartment complex.

“Well … I’ve technically never come out to my family.” Karkat mumbles. I just stare at him for a long minute.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really. I mean, it’s not like I ever let them believe I was fucking straight either, I just didn’t talk about romantic stuff at all, like fucking ever. Never dated anyone in high school. Never talked about crushes or any of that shit. I think some of them may have a suspicion, but I’ve never been confronted about it.”

“So basically, that’s going to be a thing that happens today?” I conclude.

“Yep.”

“Any chance we’ll get kicked out?” And there’s silence in the car for a solid 60 seconds. “Karkat?”

“I don’t know. They’re Catholic but I’ve never heard any of their opinions on gays so I have no fucking clue.”

I nod. “Well this should be fun then.”

“Mhm.” He agrees. Then we turn on the radio for the rest of the car ride and I hold his hand across the center console, squeezing lightly every now and then.

It takes almost two whole hours for us to drive to Karkat’s dad’s house from the city. Apparently he lives way out in the middle of nowhere on some ranch-style plantation or something. That explains why he’s the one who hosts the family parties, I guess. It’s kind of intimidating to see some people standing outside waiting for us as we pull up. I’ve never felt more unprepared for something in my entire life.

Karkat strangles my hand a little as he manages to park and I can tell that he’s just as nervous as I am. But he manages to unlatch his hand from mine long enough to get his seatbelt off and get out of the car, so I do the same, following his lead. I hesitate on getting too close to him at first, knowing that this is his family and his coming out and it has nothing to do with my desire to be close to my boyfriend.

He walks up and I can see the barest hint of a shake in his form. It makes me want to latch onto him even more but I contain myself until I know that it’s permitted to be clingy.

“Hey dad.” Karkat starts. His dad just smiles and pulls him into one of those dad-hugs, back pats included.

“How’s my boy?” He asks in this booming voice that’s a lot louder than I thought it would be.

“Good.” Karkat answers with an awkward chuckle that I have never heard from him before. God this really is going to be a trainwreck, isn’t it? The other guy standing there (his brother? Does he have any brothers? Cousin maybe?) gives a very obviously fake cough and Karkat turns to face him. “Hey Kankri.”

“Hello, Karkat. It’s nice to see you again.” Says the other male in a much prissier voice than I’d ever heard from any gay man. Then they proceed to shake hands.

Then Mr. Vantas cuts back in again. “So who’s this young man you have with you?” He asks, directing the question at me and offering a hand to shake.

“Dave.” I respond, taking his hand and doing my best to be firm. I don’t normally shake hands with people. In fact the only other time I’ve shaken someone’s hand was at my high school graduation. It was some sort of weird requirement to shake the principal’s hand when getting your diploma.

“Nice to meet you Dave, how do you know my son?” He asks. I freeze on spot, looking at Karkat for some sort of help because fuck if I knew what to say right here.

“He’s um, he’s my boyfriend actually.” Karkat supplies. There’s a beat of tension in which I’m just looking back and forth between my boyfriend and his dad.

“Boyfriend huh?” He looks back and forth between Karkat and I and I swear I’m going to die of anxiety, and it looks like Karkat is too. “Good for you, son. I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough with yourself to be upfront with me.” And he smiles. And Karkat smiles. And shit even I’m smiling, because we can do this. We can make it through this holiday family event without complete chaos erupting like Vesuvius in Pompeii.

Then he turns to me again. “Then in your case, Dave, feel free to call me Sebastian. We’re all family here.” And then he surprised me even more by pulling me into a hug. I awkwardly hugged him back, not expecting such a sudden warm welcome. I could make out the faint sound of Karkat snickering behind me. “What’s so funny?” Sebastian asked.

“I really didn’t expect you to be this ok with it. I was so fucking worried.”

“Language.” Kankri cut in, but Karkat just kept laughing anyway.

“It’s just so funny that I was that worried about this. Of course you’re fucking fine with it. Why wouldn’t you be? You’re my dad.”

“Also I’d be a hypocrite if I wasn’t fine with it.” Sebastian added on.

“Wait what?” Karkat asked, pulled out of laughter.

“What?” Kankri repeated.

“Kankri, you shouldn’t be shocked about this. I’ve already introduced you to Psimon. He’s in the kitchen, mingling with the rest of the family that’s arrived. Why don’t you boys come in and meet him?”

“Ok.” I answered and started to follow Karkat’s dad up the drive toward the house. Karkat and Kankri trailed behind, clearly a little shocked.

“Wait, dad. Is he like, your boyfriend? Like is it a serious relationship or ….? What all is going on here?” Karkat asked, delaying the train that previously had been headed in the direction of some fucking great smelling food.

“I guess you could say it’s something like that. It’s not solidly defined, per se. He’s just my partner at the moment. But as you know, I don’t invite just anyone to family events.” But he didn’t supply anything more than that and just kept walking towards the entryway.

“Like father, like son.” I mumbled and Karkat shot me a glare that probably would have made anyone else flinch. Sebastian chuckled and I felt a little more pride in my subtle jab at my boyfriend. It was all in good humor, of course.

To say that I was shocked when we got inside was an understatement. This house looked like something out of a home-design magazine. It was absolutely immaculate and the thought of Karkat growing up here was just absurd. He didn’t strike me as the type of person that would enjoy being around all this bullshit luxury stuff like statues and paintings.

Karkat leaned over and whispered. “Sorry about his bullshit. He always puts out all his stupid collectables and busts and shit when he has people over.” That made me feel a little better about it, knowing that this was not how it always looked.

Then we got a second shock when we reached the dining room that literally looked like it could be a ballroom. Sitting at one end of the table were Karkat’s roommate and his boyfriend. I was officially more confused than I’d ever been. The shit-eating grin on Sollux’s face didn’t help anything.

“Sup Vantas.” Sollux lisped, clearly trying to hold back a laugh. I looked at Karkat and could just see the flames growing in his eyes. This would be interesting.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

“No. Nope. Hold up. Wait just a damn second. Dad! Psimon? Like Psimon Captor? You’re serious? This isn’t just a prank right?” I screeched. “Am I being punked? Is Ashton Kutcher going to jump out from somewhere?”

Dave was no help to my freakout at the moment considering he was just cracking up at this. I made a mental note to punch him later, the fucking jerk. I could just not believe this shit. My dad was dating Sollux’s dad? What in the hell? How? Why? When?

“Karkat calm down, it’s not that big of a deal.” Kankri said, trying to be the voice of reason, as if he wasn’t just as shocked. Fuck him and the high horse he seemed to be glued to.

“Is there a problem?” Dad cut in, looking very confused.

“Yeah, KK. Is there a problem?” Sollux mimicked. I glared at him with so much fucking hatred. He probably knew that I was supposed to be watching my cussing today too.

“Sol, don’t give him a hard time about it. It’s not like he knew in advance.” Eridan chided, trying to be helpful. I would have appreciated the sentiment from my roommate if it weren’t for the fact that he basically just admitted that they both knew about it in advance and didn’t say anything to me.

I decided not to get mad about that fact though because it’s not like I’d expected them to out my dad to me. Hell, it’s not like I’d fucking believe them if they’d said anything about it anyway. I took a couple of deep breaths and Dave rubbed my back gently, trying to comfort me now that his laughing spell was over with.

“It’s not a problem. Just very unexpected.” I clarified for my dad. “Eridan and I are roommates, and Sollux, well, ….. For lack of better word he’s an asshole that I work with. So I seriously hope that Psimon is much nicer to you than this douche nozzle.” Dad nodded and seemed like he was about to say something.

“Language, Karkat.” Kankri chided in again, literally cutting my dad off.

“Cut me a break, this is kind of shocking news.” I groaned.

“It’s shocking to me too, but you don’t see me cussing up a storm.” He retorted.

“Ok well you have the emotional range of a can of soup.” I shot back.

“Cans of soup don’t have emotional ranges.” Kankri said in an arrogant tone, clearly not getting the insult.

“Exactly.”

“Boys. If you’re quite done, I’d like you to come into the main kitchen so I can formally introduce you to someone.” My dad called from the doorway, giving me that look he used to give me when I was a little kid and did something wrong. So we shut up and followed, letting my dad have his way since I could tell this wasn’t as easy for him as it was for me.

During the introductions my dad bragged a bit about me, as if I was anything to actually be proud of or shown off like this. But I digress because, being an only child, I guess dad had to be proud of something. While he talked, I took in Psimon’s appearance. I could definitely see the resemblance between him and Sollux. But this man had broader shoulders and wasn’t quite as scrawny; like he worked out maybe and remembered to eat more regularly than Sollux, but still less than the suggested three meals a day. Maybe the whole Captor family just had high metabolisms? Whatever it was, they were all thin as hell. All in all Psimon seemed to have a better fashion sense too. Maybe he wasn’t so bad. It was nice to see my dad look so happy though, and the way Psimon openly wrapped his arm around my dad’s waist kind of made me approve of him a little more. They were happy together, and that’s what was important. .

Speaking of dad, he even went so far as to introduce Dave for me, since I’d been too busy staring to do it myself. I flushed some, not meaning for it to seem like I was ogling my dad’s partner, but luckily nobody seemed to notice much. Well no one except Dave, who just laced his fingers together with mine and made small talk with the adults so that I wouldn’t have to. Kankri was weirdly quiet, not that I was going to complain, but it still made me wonder if something was up with him.

After all the formalities Psimon asked us “Have you met my sons, yet?”

“Sons?” I asked, making sure I’d heard that right. “I know Sollux. We work together and he’s dating my roommate.”

Psimon chuckled, a warm, full sound that was very easy on the ears. No wonder my dad liked this guy. His whole aura radiated out as comforting. The exact opposite of Sollux in a lot of ways. “Small world, I see. Yes, Sollux is my youngest, but his older brother Mituna should be around here somewhere as well with his girlfriend.”

“Mituna is here?” Kankri practically squeaked.

“Do you know him?” Psimon raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve got to go. Please excuse me.” And with that my cousin made a beeline for one of the guest rooms towards the back of the house.

“Do you know what that was about?” Dad asked.

“When it comes to him, I have no clue.” I admitted. Dave just shrugged, seeming to be at a loss for words for the first time in that conversation.

We all continued to chat and be re-introduced as more and more of my relatives showed up. I let my dad set the example for what was and wasn’t allowed as far as PDA because like hell was I going to be yelled at for holding Dave’s hand or kissing him or some stupid shit like that. Surprisingly it was very relaxed and basically it was just “no making out in front of everyone”. Most of my relatives were fine with both me and my dad having our boyfriends at thanksgiving. In fact, they seemed relieved. One of my aunts even said she called it and then claimed that her husband owed her money. So I guess they were betting on who would be gay in the family? Nice to know.

Kankri appeared again after a long while, apparently having needed time to collect himself. Whatever issue he had with Mituna was something he could handle another time. It was Thanksgiving for fucks sake. For once I wish he had stayed up on his high horse and handled it with grace like he tries so hard to do with everything else.

When my grandfather showed up, Dad went to greet him, Psimon trailing close behind. I wasn’t close enough to hear the conversation, but I definitely heard the shouting when it started. I caught bits and pieces of “You and your son are fuckin homosexuals?! Go and have your fuckin dinner, holiday fuckin whatever. I’m goin the fuck home.” Or some shit along those lines. Homophobic bastard that he was, I wasn’t really surprised, but to make a scene like that was just unnecessary and rude. To top it all off, the old shitstain just hobbled his way back to his car, told my grandma to get in, and left. Dad seemed pretty beaten up about it, but plenty of relatives went to comfort him and Psimon was very understanding with the situation. He had more than enough support to make it through the holiday at the very least.

Aside from that situation though, everything else went pretty smoothly. Dave was a party favorite apparently, being very good at talking to and impressing relatives. I had no idea that so many of my aunts and cousins listened to anything other than gospel radio, but apparently they were familiar with the station he worked at and had plenty of questions for him. It was nice to see him getting along with everyone, but also weird to not be next to him while he gets acquainted with my family. We had split up at some point in the chaos that was my younger cousins running around playing tag in the family room. I was given the fucking lovely task of wrangling them all to the backyard to play.

Slowly all of the young adults started filtering out into the backyard as well. First it was just Mituna and Latula, apparently wanting to use their skateboards. The problem with that was that there was hardly any patio or concrete for them to use. Latula gave up pretty easily, but Mituna still tried to skate through the fucking dirt, apparently too stubborn to give up. I could see how he and Sollux were related.

Speaking of Sollux, he and Eridan were the next ones out to the yard. They were being so fucking overly sappy and cute I thought I was going to throw up. The two of them occupied the two-seater swing on the porch and cuddled, talking softly and just being all sorts of lovey-dovey.

And then as if on cue, Dave finally made his re-appearance and came to save me from this literal torture.

“Hey babe.” He said casually, slipping an arm around my waist. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Hey.”

“You ok?” He seemed genuinely concerned and I really, really wanted to say I was fine, but I was kind of miserable.

“Toddlers and lovebirds and babysitting. All the things I really fucking hate.” I muttered.

“Hang in there. It’s almost time to eat and then we can ditch before we pass out from the impending turkey coma. Sound good?”

I hummed and nodded, leaning a little more into Dave’s shoulder. It was a little chilly out and he was warm and comforting. Not to mention, he smelled like a musky cinnamon today and it was just a really fucking nice, warm smell.

We stood there for another few minutes before my dad came outside and literally scared the living shit out of me by sneaking up behind Dave and I.

“Karkat?”

“Shhiiiiiiiishkabob.” Smooth. Real fucking smooth. At least I didn’t cuss in front of the kids.

“Shishkabob?” Dave asked, turning to me with raised eyebrows.

“Shut up.” I grumbled. “What did you want, dad?”

“I was wondering if you boys would like to come and help set the table?”

“Yeah, sure.” Dave answered for me. I just shrugged and went along with it because honestly, anything was better than supervising the toddlers at this point.

When we got to the dining room, Kankri was already inside folding napkins into swans. Like what a fucking prick, who cares about how fancy the napkins are folded? They’re going to wipe gravy off our fat fucking faces either way. What was the point?

My dad put me in charge of setting out plates and silverware, and Dave got the pleasure of learning how to steam clean the wine glasses by hand. In my opinion, it would’ve been easier to have it the other way around, since I did shit like that every once in a while at work when we had people reserve parts of the restaurant for parties. But I just shrugged it off and did what I was asked. I wasn’t about to question my dad’s motives for wanting to be alone with my boyfriend in the kitchen. I was about 90% sure it had something to do with giving him that standard “treat my son right” talk. Dave could handle that on his own.

When I finished setting all fucking 50+ seats at our monstrosity of a family dining table (it was really more like a table for a ballroom than anything), I walked back into the main kitchen. To most people, Dave would’ve looked just fine, maybe a little pale, but mostly fine. I wasn’t most people though and I could tell that my dad had probably scared him quite a bit with whatever threat he’d made to make sure Dave “treats me right”. I wanted to laugh, but I also felt kind of bad. I knew how scary my dad could be when he was mad or even when he was just being deathly serious.

“Table all set?” Dad asked.

“Yep.” I picked up a glass, a cup of hot water, and a coffee filter and got to work with cleaning the wine glasses. There was a moment of silence before Kankri walked into the kitchen as well.

“All of the cranes have been placed. Would you like any other assistance Uncle Seb?”

“Thank you, Kankri. And no, you’re free to do whatever you’d like now. Dave, Karkat and I have everything else covered for the time being.”

He nodded and turned away, only to turn back around. “There’s one more thing I’d like to ask you about.”

“Well go right ahead.” My dad responded, setting down the glass he’d been holding.

“Did you still want me to say the prayer before dinner?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“I was just wondering, considering the fact that both you and Karkat came out today, and there will be a larger number of LGBT people at the table than usual, if you still wanted there to be a prayer. I know that most religions aren’t accepting of those types of things and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable by preaching about the lord in their presence.”

“Kankri, are you suggesting that LGBT people can’t be religious?” My dad asked, seemingly in disbelief.

“I- well I’m not saying that they can’t. I just don’t see why they would want to be when religion so frequently persecutes them and claims that they are unredeemable in the eyes of God.”

“Well do you personally believe that?”

“No. Of course not.” Kankri almost sounded offended that anyone would suggest that of him.

“And were you planning on giving a prayer that had to do with the persecution of LGBT people?”

“I would never. Today is a day to give thanks and be appreciative of the things that we have, not to put down groups of people. Especially not groups that really shouldn’t be put down in the first place considering that it’s obviously in God’s plan for you both to be gay.”

“Well then there’s your answer. You’re perfectly allowed to still say your prayer before dinner.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

“Oh and Kankri?”

“Yes?”

“For the record, I’m not a homosexual. I’m bisexual. I did love your late aunt very dearly and she still holds a place in my heart. And I’m not about to give up my faith just because I’m deciding to pursue a relationship with another man.”

“Thank you for that clarification. I appreciate your honesty.” Kankri smiled, like actually fucking smiled for once and then went back to the dining room.

All I could really do was stand there awestruck, because I had never witnessed anyone get through to Kankri in the same way that my father just did. Like what the actual fuck just happened? Normally he would have argued that shit to the ends of the Earth if I had tried to explain some shit like that. But with my dad, he just accepted it? Like it was just that easy to expand his mind and make room for the revelation that a gay person could be religious and still be gay. (Gay being an umbrella term in this sense.) Maybe my dad was a fucking superhero now? If not literally, he certainly was in my fucking eyes. Goddamn.

We’d just about finished cleaning the glasses by now, so my dad had Dave and I start putting them out on the table while he went to go spread the word that dinner was ready to be served. Within ten minutes everyone was seated and all the dishes were set out across the middle of the table so that everyone could reach them. Dave and I were sat next to each other near the end of the table, closest to my dad and across from Eridan and Sollux. Kankri was, per usual, seated in the middle of the table on the side facing away from the glass doors that led to the backyard. He’d always loved the way the sun came in through the glass and silhouetted him in light when he said the thanksgiving prayer. He’d told me as much the first year and it’d been tradition ever since.

“Ahem.” Kankri started, gathering everyone’s attention even though most of us were staring at him anyway, waiting. “I would just like to start out by saying that I have never been more proud of my cousin, Karkat, and Uncle Sebastian, than I am today. I greatly admire their bravery and I can imagine many of you do as well. But before I start the prayer, I’d like to ask that if anyone else has an announcement or news to tell that they do it now.” I mentally slapped myself. Of course he would do something as embarrassing as that. One of my youngest cousins who was maybe seven at the most raised his hand though. “Yes, Magnus?”

“I um, I think I’m gay too.” He paused briefly and then continued. “Actually, I know I am. Yeah.”

“Me too!” His sister chimed in, followed by a chorus of several young kids chiming in, coming out as a whole bunch of different LGBT things.

“Slow down now, please. One person speaking at a time.” Kankri said loudly over them.

Fifteen minutes later we’d found out that I have two bisexual cousins, Magnus is still very certain that he’s gay, his sister is a little less sure but she knows that she has a crush on a girl in her class, another of my cousins is asexual, and that Vivian is transgender and would like to be called Victor now as well as be referred to with masculine pronouns.

“Alright. Are there any other LGBT related announcements or may I start my prayer?”

“Unless you wanna come out too, I think you’re good.” I chimed in, smirking. My dad just shook his head at me, but fuck him in that particular moment because that shit was funny as hell. Dave brought his hand about level to the table and offered me a fistbump, apparently finding it just as funny as I had.

“I have been and will continue to be celibate by choice and dedicated to the lord, thank you very much.” The slight venom in Kankri’s voice was so worth the subtle jab. It was a long-running joke between the two of us that Kankri was just choosing to be celibate so that he wouldn’t have to come out as gay. I used to have some logic behind it like ‘since jesus is a dude it’s just you being gay for jesus’. It was a much funnier joke when we were kids, to be totally fucking honest.

And then it started. The fucking prayer. This was the worst part of the whole night and I’d been dreading it the entire day. Now that it was here it wasn’t much better, honestly. As much as I’d like to say it went by fast, it never did. How could time go by fast when Kankri was droning on and on about fucking Jesus and how we had so much to be thankful for?

What's worse is that he then went on listing everything he could possibly think of to be thankful for and then went around the table clockwise and thanked God for each and every one of us and listed some qualities he liked about us. As flattering as it might be, it was taking forever and I could hear stomachs rumbling from across the room. The smell of the two turkeys and all the other food was literally going to kill everyone if Kankri took too long.

After a full fucking 45 minutes of bullshit he finally concluded his prayer and the sigh of relief in everyone’s accompanying “amen” was fucking audible. Somehow Kankri didn’t even fucking notice how miserable everyone had been and just simply sat down, looking very fucking pleased with himself. Actually, that part wasn’t even fucking new, he did that shit every year. Forget that I even pretended to be shocked about that.

The food was fantastic, as usual. The only talking that really happened during dinner was people asking for things to be passed to them. Other than that, everyone was too busy stuffing their faces to care for conversation. My dad came around and gave people a choice between three different wines and served them accordingly. Yet another thing that I would have been more than happy to do, since I do that shit on a regular basis. My dad could be so fucking stubborn sometimes.

Within an hour at least half of the adult guests were somewhere between tipsy and completely wasted, unless they were designated drivers. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to slip out of there unnoticed. I went and said goodbye to my dad, but that was it. Then, just as we were two steps away from being completely out the door, Eridan’s drunk ass yells at us from across the house.

“Ooooh. Sneakin out so soon? Kar, keep off the couch if ya can, I don’t wanna be traumatized when I get home.”

And before I could even react, Dave grabbed me by the waist, pulled me back inside another step, and shouted back. “Then don’t come home. Go to Sollux’s.” And then he fucking dipped his shades and winked, before leading me down the driveway.

My face was so fucking red right in that moment. I just followed along, staring at Dave incredulously. Everything about that was simultaneously embarrassing and hot as fucking hell. What the fuck had just happened?

I was far too flustered to drive so Dave took the keys and pulled up a map on his phone so that he wouldn’t get lost. Once we were in and buckled he turned to me with a grin. “Well I don’t know about you, but I had a wonderful evening.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I muttered without any real venom. There was a couple moments of silence before a thought sprung forward and I just had to entertain it. “By the way, what did my dad talk to you about in the kitchen?”

It was Dave’s turn to flush red now, apparently. “Just y’know. Typical dad speech. The ol’ don't hurt my kid or I’ll hurt you spiel. Nothing special.”

“If it was nothing special you wouldn’t look like a tomato right now. Dave, what the fuck did he say to you?”

“Well, …… he asked if I was taking care of you…”

“What? Like financially?”

Dave clicked his tongue and muttered a very curt “No.”

“So what do you mean ‘taking care of me’?”

“Like uh, like if we’d … y’know. He wanted to know if we’d had sex yet.” Dave kept his eyes on the road and only the road while I twisted in my seat to look at him.

“Why the fuck would he want to know that?”

“I don’t know he’s your dad. You tell me why he asked me that.”

“Well what did you say?” I turned down the radio so that I could hear whatever Dave was going to say next clearly.

“I was honest. I said we hadn’t. He seemed …. confused or maybe surprised by that? I dunno. It was weird.”

“Ohmygod.”

“What?”

“Oh my fucking god.”

“Karkat, what is it?”

“I just remembered something he told me a few months ago. He was taking some computer class for his work and he said that he’d finally figured out how to view the internet history for the whole network and shit like that. I didn’t get it then, but I think he was trying to tell me something.”

“I think I’m following, but just in case, care to explain some more?” Dave asked.

“I’m guessing that means that he saw the history on my old desktop computer.”

“And?” We were stopped at a red light now and Dave had turned to look at me.

“Dave. Why would you not want your parent to see your internet history from your teenage years?”

Without missing a beat Dave muttered a “Jesus christ.” And started laughing again. “Your dad saw your fucking porn cache? Are you joking right now? What kind of kinky ass shit were you watching that would make him ask me if you’re being fully satisfied?”

“Well I’m fucking gay, so what the hell do you think I was watching? Even before I was sure I was fully gay, back when I thought maybe I was bi, I still exclusively watched gay porn.” Like hell was I actually going to disclose what specific kink-types I was watching. That was not a conversation for the evening of Thanksgiving, even in the comfort of my own car.

“I am learning so much about you today.” He said as the light turned green.

“Dave if you don’t shut the fuck up, you’re not staying over tonight.”

“I wasn’t aware that I was even invited to stay the night tonight.”

“Well you fucking are, so you better shut it.” I reclined my seat back so that I could lay. It was nice not having to drive my own car for once.

“Why don’t you make me?” That fucking smirk on his fucking stupidly handsome face.

“Strider.” I said in a warning tone, trying my best to keep it together. The images that went through my mind of different ways to shut him up were very fucking tempting. It definitely didn’t help that my mind happened to flash back to that night under the bleachers, either.

“Ok. Ok. I just wanted a kiss. No big.” He fanned his fingers out on the steering wheel in a defensive manner. Playing it innocent, of course.

I sighed. “You can have a fucking kiss when you’re not already pre-occupied with operating a moving vehicle.”

“Promise?”

“No.” I grinned. Then I watched him roll his eyes behind his shades.

“Karkat Vantas, you are really something.” He muttered, taking a turn just a little sharper than I’d expecting him to. I fucking squealed because of it and mentally slapped myself. “Like I said, really something.”

“Yeah? And what is that something? Care to elaborate, Mr. Smooth?”

“I’ll tell you when we get home.” He smiled. A genuine, handsome, attractive as hell smile. Something about it told me that tonight was a night I wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

I drove us the rest of the way home and just turned the radio dial up a little bit to fill the silence. Not that it was uncomfortable, in fact it was nice, but music was always just as nice. After a fiasco with barely managing to park in a compact space, and Karkat fumbling with his door keys like a dork, we finally got inside the apartment. A furry face was there to greet us when we walked in and meowed, clearly letting us know that he was hungry.

“I fed you before I left, don’t give me that shit.” Karkat muttered to the cat, side-stepping him and taking his shoes off. I followed suit, dropping my shoes on the mat by the door and avoiding getting in the cat’s way. Karkat wandered into the kitchen and flipped on the light before sighing loudly.

“What’s wrong?” I offered.

“Mawkin’s a fucking asshole, that’s what’s wrong. He dug through the cabinets again while we were out. Shit’s just fucking everywhere on the floor and probably needs washing now that it’s coated in enough cat fur to make a second cat.” He grumbled.

“That’s right. I forgot you’d mentioned that he does that sometimes.” Man I was just full of helpful comments tonight.

“Yeah, it’s a goddamn weekly occurrence at the very least, fucking little shithead douchelord.” The last bit was obviously directed towards the cat and not towards me. I made the smart move of not taking offense.

“Do you want any help cleaning it up?” Finally a helpful comment from my dumb mouth, honorable mention to my dumbass brain.

“No. It’s fine. He is my cat. I’ll take care of it.” Karkat waved me off. I tried to step in and help anyway, knowing that it’d take him quite a while to get all this shit done on his own. The sooner we could spend time together, the better, right?

Clearly Karkat didn’t agree because as soon as I was two steps into the kitchen his hand was on my chest, pushing me backwards and away. “No, no. You do not get to play white knight today. Go sit on the couch and find a movie or something. Let me handle this.”

I tried to hold my ground but as soon as I met his eyes, I gave in. Something about the look in his eye, I don’t know what the hell it is, but it makes me want to do anything and everything he asks of me. I’ve only seen it once or twice before, but goddamn. If I’m honest, it’s looks like those that have been popping up in my dreams lately. Well that, and the expression on his face from that night at the football game under the bleachers.

That aside though, I went and sat on the couch as requested. It’s not like I was going to complain about resting with a full stomach. I scrolled through the movies on Netflix for about twenty minutes, but nothing really screamed Thanksgiving date night to me.

At some point Mawkin had jumped up onto the couch without my noticing. I’d only realized he was there when he straight up climbed onto my lap and laid down on me. I held my arms up out of his way for a moment, not really sure of how to handle this. If I moved him, would he be upset? Would he hiss at me? Was he the type of cat that bit people? Should I pet him? I was at a total loss. I don’t own animals nor did I grow up with them.

That’s when Karkat walked back in from the kitchen. “I see you’ve made a friend.”

“Completely unintentional, I promise.” I said, keeping my hands up and feigning defense.

“You can pet him, y’know. He’s not going to bite your hand off if he’s willing to get that fucking close.” He said as he moved closer to me and sat on the armrest of the couch.

“Hey, you never know when it comes to other people’s animals. Better safe than sorry.” I said, slowly lowering my hands so as not to startle the destructive feline, and resting them on his back gently. As soon as I started to pet him he began purring very loudly. “Holy shit.” I whispered, not really sure how a cranky cat so small could emit that loud a noise.

“He normally hates people. I’m surprised he’s gotten so cozy with you.”

“Clearly the two of you have similar tastes in people.” I smirked.

“Oh shut the fuck up.” He rolled his eyes.

“Well if he hates people as much as you say he does then that’s another thing you two have in common. This cat is like your feline twin, babe.”

“Yeah, except I don’t go and tear through kitchen cabinets just for shits and giggles.” Karkat said pointedly at his cat, trying to scold him indirectly.

“Don’t listen to him, Mawkin. You’re probably just lonely being stuck at home all day long. You need a Dave to keep you company, huh?” I cooed at the cat.

“I cannot fucking believe that my cat is stealing my boyfriend right now!” Karkat got up from the couch armrest and crossed his arms, trying and failing not to smirk.

“Babe, you know you’ll always be my number one. But who can resist a pussy like this?” I waggled my eyebrows for extra effect. Karkat made a face like he’d just smelled the world’s worst shit.

“Me. Definitely. A thousand fucking times over. Can resist. I hate that fucking cat like 80% of the time and I wouldn’t touch pussy even if you paid me. So I’m good. You two enjoy yourselves over there.” And with that he turned and walked back towards the kitchen, which would’ve been fine if it weren’t for the fact that Mawkin got up and followed him. So there I was, alone in the living room, my attempt at humor shot down and fatally wounded.

Then Karkat noticed that the cat was following him. “Where the fuck do you think your furry ass is going?” He asked, looking down at the little fluff-ball. Mawkin meowed at him and put his paw out like he was batting at something that wasn’t there. “No. As cute as you are, no. Go lie down or something.” The cat clearly wasn’t understanding. Karkat picked him up and carried him around the corner, out of my view. When he came back he was empty-handed.

“Where’s the cat?”

“Eridan’s room.” Karkat answered simply before walking back towards the couch. “Is this seat taken?” He asked, not really gesturing anywhere in particular.

“Recently vacated, actually.” I joked.

“In that case, I’ll take it before it’s stolen out from under me again.” He smirked before moving to sit on my lap. I’ll admit I was a little surprised, but it was comfortable and inviting as hell to have my boyfriend straddling me. Not to mention he still looked cute as shit in his sweater vest getup from dinner.

“So, did you find anything on Netflix for us to watch?” He asked as he looped his arms around my shoulders and started playing with the hair at the nape of my neck.

“Nope.” I answered simply as I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

He stopped though and placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. “Aw, so I guess that means we can’t Netflix and chill? Dammit.” When I opened my eyes he was fake puppy-dog pouting at me.

“Well if that’s what you want to do then I’m sure I can put something on the TV real quick. It’s not like it has to be interesting if we’re not going to be paying any attention anyway, right?” I played along, mostly just kidding but totally open to the idea.

“Dave, I’m fucking kidding. I’m not going to have our first time together be on a shitty living room couch. That’s trashy. I’m not some kind of cheap slut or something.” Karkat replied, giving me more sass than I’d seen from him yet. It was kind of hot.

“No, yeah. I totally get that babe and I agree, couch sex would be trashy. I was just trying to make conversation and play along. No biggie.” Good save, or at least I thought it was. It probably wasn’t.

“How about instead of fucking up attempts at conversing like normal people, we just make out instead?” Karkat suggested.

“You make a convincing argument.” I smirked before leaning in a little closer and pressing our foreheads together. I looped my arms around Karkat’s waist and just smiled at him, looking into his eyes from behind my shades.

As if on cue, Karkat reached up and pushed my shades into my hair. “It wasn’t an argument, it was a fucking invitation, dumbass.” He half-whispered. Then he cupped my chin and pulled me into a very gentle kiss. I’m talking so damn soft that I wasn’t totally sure it was even actually happening. A few more kisses followed that one, each increasing in pressure, each absolutely perfect. Fuck, I really loved his lips.

My body went into autopilot and before I knew it, we were making out. His hands were sliding through my hair and tugging, while his lips slipped past my own in a repetitive and lulling fashion. My hands seemed to be moving on their own, one teasing just under the hem of his sweater, the other lightly scratching across his lower back and massaging his hip on each pass. We were both breathing heavily, but air was the last thing on my mind in that moment. We settled on sucking in air between kisses, and Karkat didn’t seem to mind one bit. In fact I could hear the barest hint of a hum threatening to spill past his lips each time my thumb pressed into his hip bone.

In a moment of complete lack of self control, I gripped his hips with both hands and squeezed, not hard enough to bruise, but close. The noise I was rewarded with was more than worth it though, because Karkat pulled away from the kiss and let out this moan that was ten million times better than any song I’d ever heard.

“What was that, babe?” I whispered to him, smirking.

“Nothing you haven’t fucking heard before. Or do you not remember the football game you took me to?” He said in a defensive way that was far too cute, what with how pink his cheeks were.

“Trust me, I remember.” I said, running a hand through my own hair now and knocking my shades off my own head.

“Christ Dave, could you say it in a way that doesn’t make it obvious that you’ve jerked off to the memory.” He chuckled a little. Karkat back at it again with the blunt statements that throw me off. My face was definitely beet red now.

“Woah man, what the fuck are you talking about? I definitely didn’t jerk it to that.” I tried, and failed, to make that sound convincing but it came out way too sarcastic instead.

“Calm down, jesus fucking christ. I’d almost be offended if you didn’t. It was fucking hot, ok?” He rolled his eyes and placed his hands on my thighs.

“Agreed.” I responded, half lost in thought. My brain was busy supplying images of what Karkat might’ve looked like getting off to the thought of me pretending to blow him under the bleachers. Fantasy Karkat was spread out on his bed in the next room, just palming himself over his clothes. To be fair, I didn’t really have a reference for what he looked like devoid of clothes so my brain was doing it’s damn best. Regardless, the image was fucking hot, and that mixed with minutes of hardcore making out was only going to lead to one conclusion.

Correction, it had already led to its conclusion. That conclusion had probably already been detected by my smoking hot boyfriend who was literally seated on it too. Time to face the music. Location: Bonertown, population: me. Apparently it was just that easy for me to get it up.

“Dave …..” Karkat stared blankly at the wall behind me as he addressed me.

“Yeah?” This should be interesting.

“Should I even bother with the cheesy line of questioning what the everloving fuck is in your pockets?”

“Logically, there ain’t gonna be anything in either of my pockets that wasn’t there when you first sat down.” I said, trying to remain as casual as possible.

There was a long minute of silence before I felt Karkat shift in my lap. At first I thought that he was going to get up, and the fact that he put his hands on my shoulders seemed to solidify that. Then out of nowhere he grinded down against me and I let out a pretty embarrassing gasp as my eyes slipped shut. When I dared to crack my eyes open again, Karkat was biting at his lip and looking directly at me.

“That was ok, right?” He seemed nervous.

“Are you kidding? It was fucking great, babe.” I breathed, keeping my voice low.

“And you’re not just thinking with your dick right?” He asked. I tried to nod, but I wasn’t totally sure if I succeeded or not. My brain was still caught up around the way his lips formed the word ‘dick’. Oh the fucking irony.

Either my boyfriend managed to understand my terrible head-nodding, or he just read me well enough to know I was more than fine with this, because he started grinding on me again. I tried my damn best not to gasp or make any more embarrassing noises, but that was a difficult task when it’s been just me and my hands for so damn long.

Ok, that sounds bad. It hasn’t been crazy long. Maybe about ten months? A year? Whatever that timer was at by now, it was clearly about to reset because Karkat seemed really into grinding his ass against my pleasure pipe. If I had to guess how this was going to end, it would probably be with me creaming my pants on this couch embarrassingly and Karkat offering me a pair of his boxers to borrow.

“Hey Dave?” My eyes snapped open. I hadn’t realized they were shut again to begin with.

“Yeah, babe?” I croaked, my voice pitching.

“Can we-” He paused and took a deep breath. “Would it be cool if we moved to my room instead?”

“Huh?” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. Maybe it was my lust hazed mind playing tricks on me.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to. But, like I said earlier, I’d really prefer for our first time to not be on the living room couch.” Karkat almost looked shy or embarrassed and it was just so fucking adorable. How in the hell did I get so lucky? There was no way that I deserved this gorgeous, amazing man.

“No, no. That’d be totally fine. I’m so on board.” I assured him.

“More like I’m on board.” He smirked, bouncing in my lap for emphasis.

“Was that a fucking pun?” Karkat Vantas just made a sex pun at my expense. Was this even real life?

“Just shut up, get in my room, and take off your pants.” Karkat ordered as he got up and started to walk off.

“Sir yes sir.” I’m not even going to pretend that I wasn’t staring at his ass while I followed him back to his room. A tush that fine deserved the attention anyway.

Karkat P.O.V.

What the everloving fuck was I thinking? Well, initially I was thinking ‘man I really want to make out with him right now’ so I plopped into his lap and just fucking went for it. Did I expect to get this far tonight? Hell to the no. Am I nervous? Abso-fucking-lutely. Am I going to keep going though? Without a damn doubt.

I led Dave into my room and shut the door behind him (as if it fucking mattered, we were home alone). Surprisingly he actually stripped his pants off like I’d asked him to. Thankfully he kept his fucking boxers on. I wasn’t sure if I was mentally ready for seeing his junk, just yet.

That sounds fucking awful. I’m not scared of Dave’s penis. In fact, I am on the exact fucking opposite side of the scale for being afraid of penises. I love dick. I’m just fucking nervous because he’s my boyfriend and I actually fucking care for the guy. So I wouldn’t want either one of us to just whip it out and go to town. This isn’t a goddamn one night stand. This is a relationship.

Dave sat down on the edge of my bed, just sort of waiting for me while I collected my thoughts. I knew what I wanted to do (the slow, passionate, gay, butt-sex filled, love-making that you read about on the internet) and I also knew what I was willing to do tonight (at the most, probably hand jobs or oral). The problem was that those two things were contrasting ideas. I settled on my comfort zone and went to sit on the bed next to my boyfriend. Before he could get a single word out, I cupped his face and dragged him into a kiss. Then another one and another, then he tugged at my lip with his teeth and I fucking whimpered.

“Shit, are you ok? That wasn’t too hard was it?” He asked, pulling away almost immediately and looking at my face. He looked so damn worried. Had I really made him think I was a delicate little fucking flower? Did I have the word 'FRAGILE' stamped on my forehead?

“I’m fine. It was fine. In fact, you could bite harder if you really fucking wanted.” I breathed back before pulling his face back to mine, honing in on his lips. He hesitated for a second, but got back into the groove quickly enough. When his teeth latched onto my lower lip once more I let out the softest moan, and I could feel him smirking against my lips. That was more like it.

After another solid two minutes of just making out and inching closer and closer together, sitting side by side, I pulled back. Then I wordlessly started crawling up towards the pillows. Thank fucking hell Dave wasn’t completely out of it and caught on well enough to follow me. I love the guy, but sometimes he can be dense when it comes to romantic cues. At least that’s what I’d observed so far.

We laid down facing each other, my arms trapped between us and pressed against his chest. He had one arm looped under my neck and the other lying lazily over my hip. I wasted absolutely no time in gripping his fucking shirt and pulling him into yet another kiss, lips parted. Dave was just so warm and soft and attractive and fucking perfect.

I couldn’t help but smile when I felt his hands reach for the hem of my sweater again. I went ahead and pulled back for him, slipping off the sweater vest part of my ensemble, leaving me in pants and a button down shirt now.

“It was getting a little warm anyway.” I supplied with a shrug. Dave just smiled and pulled me back down towards him, encasing me in his arms and bringing our bodies closer together. I could now feel his semi-hard on pressed against my thigh and fuck everything if that wasn’t hot as hell. I had absolutely no doubts about the fact that he could feel mine pressed against him as well.

Then just like that, we were kissing again and his hands were in my hair and mine were in his. Our bodies were pressing against one another as if we were trying to melt into each other and become one. Of course neither of us were daring to push the invisible boundaries.

Before I knew it though, my brain gave a big fuck you to boundaries and I reached down and palmed Dave through his boxers. His deep, sultry moan was more than worth it and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on even more. His hands scrambled to the front of my shirt and started fiddling with the buttons. Fucking finally my brain sighed and I moved to start kissing and nipping at his neck. I let up on the pressure on Dave’s crotch so he might be able to focus better, but it seemed that he was just really fucking bad at undoing buttons either way.

“Need any help there?” I whispered, trying not to sound like an ass.

“Probably.” Dave muttered back before sighing in defeat.

We parted for maybe a total of 20 seconds. Within that span, I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off while Dave pulled his own sweater off and started working on my belt and pants. As soon as we were both down to nothing but boxers, Dave’s eyes scanned over me. He practically fucking tackled me back down to the bed, nipping at my lips and letting his hands roam all over my bare chest. I simply wrapped my arms around his neck again and tangled my fingers in his hair, making him groan.

He moved down to kiss at my neck, leaving little marks here and there across my skin. God, this asshole was so fucking lucky that my work required I wear collared shirts so I could hide that shit. Nonetheless, it felt fucking amazing. Then he fucking stopped.

“Karkat … how far are we gonna … y’know?” Dave asked, head still tucked into my neck.

“Well since I wasn’t exactly prepared ahead of time, I don’t have any condoms and I’m almost out of lube. So unless you brought anything, I think our options are kind of limited.” I shrugged.

“Almost out of lube?” He lifted his head and raised an eyebrow at me.

“Yes, Dave. Almost out of lube. I do masturbate. I am, in fact, a normal human male.” I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. He just smiled like he wanted to laugh but knew it wouldn’t be appreciated right now, so he cleared his throat instead.

“So the question still stands, what do you want to do?” Dave bit his lip and looked up at me with a doe-eyed expression. Clearly he was hoping for something, but fuck if I knew what that thing was. I can’t read minds.

“I’m fine with anything other than anal, basically.” Go blunt or go home, right? “Did you have something specific in mind?”

“Maybe …… but it might be too cliche of a first time thing. Not sure how you’d feel about it.”

“For fucks sake, I don’t give a shit about cliche first times in bed as long as it’s with you. It’s not like there’s that wide a variety of stuff we could start with anyway without scaring each other. As long as we both get off sometime tonight, I’m fine with cliche.” As exasperated as I may have sounded, my dick was still quite interested and I was definitely still in the mood. I just hoped I hadn’t ruined the mood for Dave.

“Christ, ok, well then how about instead of telling you what my idea is, I just show you?” He smirked some and I could tell he was trying to be smooth. It was very endearing.

Instead of verbally responding, I just kissed him. Definitely a favorable response considering that his hand immediately found my crotch and started palming me through my briefs. I started to get so lost in the motions that I didn’t have time to catch my moans before they fell from my lips. It was like my body was on autopilot and my brain was five seconds behind watching the aftermath. And let me tell you, that aftermath was fucking hot.

Dave’s hands on me. My hands on him. Still the thin barrier of undergarments to separate and tease us. Lips on very fucking soft lips. Arms brushing as we continue to try and get to each other in the best ways that we can in the positions that we’re in. Hot breath ghosting over lips and on shoulders when either one of us presses in a particularly nice way. Sensual and slow but not too slow. Just the right speed. Right pace. Right tempo. Right rhythm. A perfect melody of our sounds together. But what else could you expect from your DJ boyfriend? He was damn good at everything he did with his hands. And I do mean everything.

Right as we were getting into a really good groove, Dave pulled away and completely stopped. I whined and tried to scoot closer, searching for any friction that his body could offer me. He only smiled, kissed my forehead and gently removed my hand from his very tented shorts. Then he pulled his fucking boxers down and his dick out and started stroking himself in front of me. I was awestruck because holy shit that was the hottest moment of my fucking life so far.

I couldn’t help but stare. Goddamn. He looked so big and fucking perfect and holy shit did I want to see (and experience) more of that. I reached down to rub at myself through the fabric of my shorts, a little too embarrassed to fully undress myself.

“Fuck, babe.” Dave panted out, looking down between the two of us. “Oh, Karkat. Please, let me see you.”

As you can fucking imagine, my face turned beet red at the sound of that. I nodded and looped my thumbs into the waistband of my own shorts. I pulled them down as quickly as I could muster, which wasn’t very damn fast at all to be completely honest. Trying to wiggle out of boxers while laying down and watching your boyfriend jerk it to you was really fucking difficult, believe it or not. Difficult but not impossible.

I finally kicked my shorts off and reached down to start stroking myself, locking eyes with Dave for a brief moment. I tried to focus on matching pace with him, which is really my way of saying that I was definitely staring at his dick. Fuck this was so hot. Everything was so hot. The way his thumb swiped over his tip and smeared his pre. The way his breath was coming out in shallow pants, lips parted slightly and eyes lidded, pupils blown with lust, his hair mussed and just so fucking perfect. Fuck. Fucking fuck shit fuck. This man might just be the death of me.

Dave used his free hand to cup my chin and pull me into a very sloppy kiss, which I was more than happy to return. Then he scooted closer to me and gently grabbed my hand. I whimpered against his lips and he smirked. Then he wrapped his hand around the both of our dicks at once and gave them a stroke. We both moaned out and I moved my hand down to help, wanting more than anything for him to keep going.

“Fuck, yes. Karkat. S-shit.” Dave moaned against my lips. And that was officially the new hottest moment of my entire fucking life.

“Mmm, Dave. S-so goood.” I practically fucking purred out, my hips bucking against his.

Our hands started to slip out of sync as we picked up pace, but that was more than ok. It still felt fucking amazing. Then Dave had what had to be the best fucking idea ever in that moment. He looped my hand with his, and just started thrusting up against me, fucking our hands together, his dick rubbing against mine with each pass. By the way he was moving, I was pretty sure he was getting close, his chest heaving. I threw my head back some and just started thrusting against him, my hips stuttering as I got closer and closer.

“Fuck, babe. Clos- oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuck shit, yes, Karkat.” Dave practically sobbed out as he hit his peak. I looked down between us and sure enough he was spilling out across our hands.

“Holy fucking shit. Keep going. A-almost there. Please.” I whimpered, burying my face in his neck. He thrusted against me a few more times before removing my hand and his dick from the equation, just jacking me off on his own. I drove my hips up into the motion and then all at once it hit me. My body tensed, muscles clenching, toes curling, and then I released, biting into Dave’s shoulder and muffling my half-scream. He continued to stroke me a few more times, guiding me through the haze, before pulling his hand away.

We stayed like that for a while, my head tucked into his shoulder, cuddled close, his clean hand under my neck, now playing with my hair. It was nice to bask in the afterglow like this. Which, of course, is my way of saying that it’s nice to not have to get off alone to just your fucking hand and your thoughts.

“So, uh. That was … fucking great.” Dave spoke up, his voice a little rougher than usual, and I couldn’t help but be a little bit proud of that.

“Agreed.” I mumbled against his neck, trying to hide the huge grin on my face.

“Do you want to …”

“Get under the blankets? Yes. It’s fucking cold in here.”

“I was going to say get cleaned up, but that works too.” He chuckled.

“Shit. That’s right. Cleaning up. That’s a thing we should do huh?” I asked, pulling my head back to finally look at him.

“Might help, just a little.” He kissed my forehead. “Unless you’re cool with me wiping this jizz all over your sheets and calling it a night.” He then raised an eyebrow at me.

“Ok, yeah. Not happening. We’re at least washing our hands.” I conceded, moving to get up. I don’t know how I hadn’t realized until that moment that I was all sorts of gross and sticky and sweaty. Well, that’s a lie. I definitely know why I didn’t realize it; I was rather distracted.

Dave got up as well and grabbed his boxers as he followed me out the door and across the hall. It was only then that I noticed the print on them. He had been wearing boxers with fall leaves on them for fucking thanksgiving. That was both hilarious and cute, and normally I would point it out and make some sort of joke, but I was much too tired and happy right now to bother.

A few minutes later we were both all cleaned up and standing in front of the bathroom mirror over the sink, clad in just boxers. Dave was hugging me from behind, his head resting on my left shoulder, and just peppering small kisses to my neck. I had my arms wrapped over his, around my waist, trying to hide the smile that would not leave my face. I just let the moment linger on despite being tired, because when he was holding me like this, what could sleep possibly have to offer?

Then in the midst of the peaceful quiet, I heard a small meow followed by a few more and then the sound of a paw on the door. Dave met my eyes in the mirror and we both started to laugh just a little. Poor Mawkin, stuck in Eridan’s room this whole time, all alone.

“Should we let him out?” Dave asks.

“Well his litter box is out on the fucking patio, so we should probably let him out before he shits in Eridan’s room.” I was still chuckling.

“Nose goes.” Dave blurts out, tapping his finger to his nose.

“Oh my god, you literal fucking child.” The statement held no malice though, and in fact, I was still grinning.

Dave let go of me and made his way into the bedroom while I went to let Mawkin out. Poor cat, the second the door opened he fucking bolted across the floor and into the living room, so I figured he was fine. I rolled my eyes and just followed my boyfriend back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Dave was just standing at the foot of the bed and staring at the sheets.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, approaching.

“Nothing. Just not sure what you wanted to do about the comforter.” He nodded towards the mess we’d created that was more than likely going to stain if it wasn’t washed soon.

“Fuck it.” I just walked over, flipped the damn comforter off the foot of the bed, and started to climb in. I didn’t have the energy to start a load of laundry right now. After a long night with so much food, and then the most perfect fucking first-time sex, the only thing I was ready for now was cuddling and sleep.

I felt the bed dip as Dave climbed in beside me and I immediately rolled over to face him. He scooted closer, so I did the same, cuddling up to his chest and closing my eyes. His arm came to rest across my waist and another kiss was placed on my forehead. I cracked an eye open and looked up at him.

“The fuck kind of goodnight kiss was that? Try again.”

“Yes sir.” He chuckled before leaning down and capturing my lips with his own. That one kiss turned into two, which turned into three, then four, and then we were practically back to making out. When we pulled away, he was smirking yet again. “Better?”

“Much better.” I grinned. “Goodnight, Dave.”

“Night, Karkat.” The amount of affection in his tone should have been illegal. It made stupid ‘butterfly’ shit happen in my stomach and forced that smile back onto my lips. It just wasn’t fair.

I laid there and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. The sound of Dave’s breathing was soothing, but also a little bit distracting. It was like I wanted to stay up and listen to him breathe and hear his heartbeat instead of sleep. I tried rolling over so that he was spooning me instead, and he adjusted with no issue, clearly not minding. He slipped one arm under my head and under the pillow to get comfortable. After a few minutes of that though, his arm started to fall asleep so he had to readjust.

We wound up laying side by side instead, Dave laying on his stomach and me on my side facing him. Trying to fall asleep while cuddling was fucking hard ok. Movies lie when they show that shit happening without issue. No one can just pass the fuck out while laying on another human and be one hundred percent fucking comfortable. It just wasn’t possible. Especially since both Dave and I were pretty bony people. Regardless, we’d finally found spots that were comfortable enough and passed the fuck out.

The last thing I saw before drifting off was Dave’s face, a soft sleepy smile on his lips and his hair all tousled and falling in his eyes. Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

When I woke up, it was to the sound of a party blower. You know, the cheap plastic kazoos from the dollar store with the rolled-up paper on the end? One of those stupid things. I groaned and rolled over, burying my head underneath the pillow and praying for sleep to reclaim me for at least another hour. Honestly though, is anything ever that easy?

The party kazoo of death sounded twice more and I sighed in defeat, surrendering to the waking world. Wait a second-.

There was no way in hell Karkat would be blowing one of those at 7 in the goddamn morning. If anything he’d be even more annoyed by a sound like that than I was. I got up, flipping the blankets off haphazardly, and wandering into the kitchen clad in nothing but boxers.

“Strider could ya at least have the decency to put on some real clothes before comin to breakfast?” Eridan asked, party blower in his manicured hand, poised like he was Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s with her cigarette holder. Or maybe Cruella Deville was a better person to compare him to. Either way it was menacing and bitchy and I was in no mood to handle him.

“Fuck off.” I grumbled, running a hand through my hair and avoiding eye contact with him. Instead I glanced over at Karkat, who had enough sense to at least throw on a t-shirt with his boxers. The hickeys from the night before were peeking out above the collar on his tee shirt though, and if I’d noticed them that quickly then there was no doubt Eridan had.

“Kar, look at how you’re rubbing off on him. You’re a bad influence.” The guy was really into pushing people’s buttons this morning apparently.

“Oh will you just get the fuck off of your goddamn high horse and tell me why the ever-loving fuck you’ve been holding me hostage in the kitchen? What the hell could you possibly want from us at fucking seven in the morning?” Karkat snapped, clearly not having any of this today either.

“Fuckin rude, the both of ya. Here I am tryin ta throw you a party an this is how ya thank me? Last time I do anythin nice for anyone.” Eridan grumbled, dropping the party blower on the counter.

“A party? What the hell for?” I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my bare chest.

“See for yourself.” He then turned and grabbed the box on the kitchen counter and brought it to the table. When the hell did that get there? Inside was a cake, obviously, but the horrendous part wasn’t the cake itself. It was the black cursive gel lettering in the center.

Thanks for not ruining the couch.

“Are you fucking serious?” I asked, staring at the ridiculous cake. Karkat was just sitting at the table, head in his hands, mumbling incoherently. The only words I could make out were ‘stupid’ and a couple variations of ‘fuck’.

“Wow. Geeze. I’ve never seen people who’ve just gotten laid be as grumpy as the two of you. Was it that bad?” Eridan said with a snicker. I started to wonder if this guy had any filter at all? Who the hell asks something like that?

“You’re not getting the dirty details you prying little shitfester. Just leave us alone and go call your asshole boyfriend or something.” Karkat snipped, leveling his roommate with a glare.

Eridan raised his hands to a defensive position and they had a staring contest for about ten seconds before he sighed and walked away to his room. I waited until he was out of earshot before speaking again. “Now I remember why I opted out on having a roommate. They do shit like this.”

“I didn’t really have a choice.” Karkat griped, before finally lifting his head and meeting my gaze.

“I know. Shit’s expensive.” I agreed, placing a hand on his shoulder and massaging it gently. He sighed happily and leaned into my touch. I worked out a few knots in both his shoulders and kissed the top of his head, then we migrated back into his room.

Being ever the gentleman, he lent me one of his shirts and we grabbed some blankets, heading out to the couch to watch some movies and cuddle. We’d unanimously decided that we didn’t want to go anywhere on Black Friday and deal with the screaming, yelling, fighting, and bitching over sale-priced items that would probably get broken amidst all the chaos. The shopping arena was having its championships today and we were choosing to forfeit without attempt. Plus neither of us had to work today, which was a blessing within itself.

A few hours later Eridan made his way back out to the kitchen, more dressed up than he had been before, and started digging through the fridge.

“Don’t you have any other fucking plans today? You’re normally all for national shopping holidays and shit like that.” Karkat grumbles from his spot laying on my chest.

“Sol an I are goin out later to do our shoppin. ‘M gonna pick him up from work an then we’ll head out. Why’s it matter? Gonna wreck the couch after all?”

“Fuck you. No we’re not. It’s just fucking weird to see you home and not busy doing something or going somewhere.”

“Well it’s weird for me ta see you out on the couch cuddlin an shit but you don’t hear me complaining or questionin you.” Eridan shoots back.

“That’s because I put up with you and Sollux being here all the fucking time. At least all we’re doing is cuddling. You two will fuck on the kitchen table and not bat an eyelash at the fact that I’m home.”

“Round 1 goes to Karkat.” I chime in with a dorky smile that only Karkat can see. He gives me a look that’s a strange mix between amusement and annoyance.

“There’s rounds now? I am not playin this game. Enjoy your netflix or whatever.” Eridan sits down at the table with a mug of something hot, judging by the steam rising from it, and puts his earbuds in.

“So, anyway” Karkat starts.

“Anyway.” I repeat.

“I was gonna ask you something, but first, do you work tomorrow?”

“Just an afternoon shift at the radio station, why?” I run my hands through his hair and his eyes flutter shut. It’s so nice to see that kind of peacefulness on his face.

“Well I don’t work in the morning either and I wanted to know if you wanted to do something tomorrow? Maybe coffee or breakfast or some shit like that?”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Of course, darlin. You wanna have a breakfast date, you just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.” I say with a hint of twang that I’d almost forgot I had.

His lips part into a sleepy smile at that and I can hear him holding back his chuckle. His eyes slip back open and I let my hand fall to his shoulder.

"What?" I ask.

"That accent, where did that come from?" I can hear the giggle in his tone and for half a second I’m a little insecure about it.

“I dunno, just something I picked up I guess.” I shrug it off, not really wanting to get into details about Bro and Texas and Dirk and David and all that mess.

“It’s cute.” Karkat mumbles, and I just about die right there on the spot, cheeks blazing red.

“Thank you?” I manage, the Texas twang slipping out much thicker now.

“Ohmygod, Dave.” He exclaims in a higher pitch, clearly very entertained.

“Shhhh. Stop. Hush your mouth.” I say as I slap a hand over his lips.

He muffles something else but I really can’t make out what he’s saying. Then he fucking licks my hand and I withdraw fast as lightning.

“Karkat! You fucking licked me!” I practically yell, laughing the whole time.

In the background, Eridan huffs very pointedly and gets up, retreating to his room once more. Good, less audience.

“Ha, the fucking douche.” Karkat quips before redirecting his attention back to me. “Are you really embarrassed about your accent?”

“It’s not the accent, it’s the fact that you think it’s cute when it’s literally just a thing that happens sometimes. I don’t control it.”

Karkat just laughs again. “Dave, I just think you’re cute in general. It’s not accent-specific.”

My brain splutters at that. I was not at all prepared for this level of complimenting. I certainly don’t deserve this. I decide to derail the conversation by poking at one of the little bites that I’d left on his neck last night.

“Oh yeah, those. How bad do they look?” He asks, as if it’s nothing.

“Not too bad, but I’m sure you’ll have an interesting time with the collar of your work shirt tomorrow evening.” I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face no matter how hard I tried.

“Lovely, a night of being goaded by my coworkers and customers. What else is new?” He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t they have policy on shit like that?” I ask, knowing that my workplace is anal about literally everything.

“Meenah doesn’t give two fucks. As long as you show up for work and you have pants, a shirt, and shoes on, you’re fine.” He yawns in the middle of the word ‘fine’.

“Are you still tired? Damn, how good did I get you last night?”

“Oh you shut the fuck up right now and don’t continue on that train of thought. It’s plenty normal to yawn even when you’re not tired.” He defends.

“Mhm. Whatever you say.” I play along, because I can see the way his eyes are drooping, and I just know that he’s genuinely still tired.

“Fuck you.” He mumbles, burying his face into my chest.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll set an alarm, so we don’t sleep too long.” I kiss the crown of his head again, set the alarm, and close my eyes to rest.

He doesn’t lift his head, but I can faintly feel him smiling. You know, the way that you can feel someone shift against you and just know what expression they’re making. God, that was some sappy shit right there.

After a little while I noticed his quiet snoring, so I turned down the volume on the TV and just let myself relax to the soft sounds of his breathing.

Karkat P.O.V.

When I woke up from my nap it was just after three in the fucking afternoon. I had half a mind to be upset at Dave and his dumb alarm for not waking me up, until I heard the soft song playing and realized we’d both slept through it. In fact, he was still asleep somehow, despite the fact that I’d shifted to turn off the alarm on his phone while still laying on his chest.

I looked at his sleeping face a moment longer, sort of just getting lost in how handsome he was. His soft blond hair falling in his eyes, delicate eyelashes resting closed. Freckles peppered across his cheeks and nose, ever so faint but definitely still there. His lips slightly parted, deep slow breaths that I could feel rising and falling in his chest.

It was kind of a miracle that a guy like that could want to be with a mess like me, but I wasn’t about to question it. I needed a distraction fast before I just wound up staring at him until he woke up. That sort of crap just sounded creepy and awkward and not something I wanted to go through.

I grabbed the remote and clicked ‘yes’ on the ‘are you still watching?’ message on Netflix. It started up much louder than I’d remembered it being and I fucking jumped. Two things happened immediately in response to that. The first being that Mawkin jumped too and fucking bolted across the house. Apparently, he’d been resting by the couch with us? The second thing being that Dave woke up from the noise.

“Hmmm? What’s up? I’m up.” He opened his eyes then immediately groaned and closed them again. “Shit it’s bright in here.”

“Sorry.” I mumbled, turning down the television and snuggling back down against his chest.

“You’re fine. What time is it?”

“Like three.” I said, trying to hide my head under the blankets now. I really hadn’t wanted to wake him up.

“Shit.” Dave grumbled.

“What? Do you have somewhere you have to be?” I didn’t even think to ask if he was going to be busy with any plans other than work today. Then again, usually he’d tell me if something was going on.

“Nah, just didn’t wanna sleep that long.” What a goddamn relief.

“Yeah. I guess your phone volume was just really low. We both missed it.”

He cracked his eyes open and I was now shrouded in blanket, only my eyes visible and peering back at him.

“What are you doing, you dork?” He asked with so much affectionate mirth that it sent an achy feeling through my chest.

“Hiding?”

“Hiding from me? Aw honey, I’m not gonna bite, hard.” He grins. Damn him and his smooth voice and his clever flirting. My face flushed red again and I hoped against hope that the blanket was hiding that fact.

“Not hiding from you. I just like it in here, it’s warm.”

“Why don’t you come up here then, I can help you stay warm.” That son of a bitch.

“Is that your way of asking for a kiss?” I guessed.

“That depends, is this your way of declining a kiss?” He countered.

“No….”

“Then yeah, scoot your cute boot up here and smooch me.” He then proceeded to purse his lips and make obnoxious smooching noises that very much made me want to do anything but get closer to his mouth.
.
After another minute or so he stopped making the noises and started to pout instead. “Aw come on, no kisses? You still owe me one from the car last night.”

I snorted. “I think I more than made up for last night’s lack of car kisses.”

“Debatable.”

“DEBATABLE? I gave you a fucking hand job.” As soon as the words left my mouth I immediately regretted it. Shit was embarrassing. This was it. I was going to die right the fuck here on my boyfriend’s chest in my own living room.

“I considered those two things completely separate for what should have been obvious reasons. Come on Karkat, just one little kiss?”

I shook my head no and buried myself further under the blankets. “I can’t talk to you when you get me to say shit like that.”

“Hey, hey woah. It’s alright Karkat I was only joking around.” He tried to lift the blanket, but I held it firmly down against his chest.

“Shhhh, just … just let me calm down my fucking face.” I grumbled, knowing full well that I was probably as bright red as a tomato now.

“Aw wait, you’re just embarrassed? Babe, I thought you were mad at me. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Last night was amazing. And you’re totally right about it being more than enough to cover the lack of car kisses. I was just teasing you to get another kiss.” He rambled, and I knew what he’d meant the whole time, but that didn’t erase the fact that I was embarrassed as fuck for shouting about giving my boyfriend a hand job.

I took many more deep breaths and then planted my face squarely against Dave’s chest. “Why me?” I mumbled quiet enough that I sincerely doubt he heard me. When I finally lifted the blanket he was just looking down at me with this charming ass amused smile and my chest fucking throbbed. “What’s that look for?”

“You’re just so damn amazing. That’s all.” He shook his head and then went to lift the blanket off of my head.

“Stop being so fucking nice. My teeth are gonna rot out of my damn head.” I groaned.

“If I remember correctly, you already have a sweet tooth, so I’m sure you’ll be fine.” He just. Keeps. Smiling. It makes me swoon just a little and boy am I glad that I’m laying down. When the fuck did he become so charming and how in the hell is it fair?

“Fine, fine. Whatever. Just kiss me already, you ass.” I grumbled before scooting up so I was nose to nose with him, hands resting on his shoulders.

“With pleasure.” He then brought a hand up to cup my chin, tilting my head in towards him. I’d forgotten just how soft his lips were and how much I loved kissing him until that exact moment. Now I never wanted to stop.

No less than ten minutes later Dave was sitting up on the couch, with my legs wrapped around his waist and my ass firmly planted in his lap. My hands were tangled in his messy blond hair while his were curled around my hips, one hand sneaking up my shirt to massage my lower back. Our lips were still sliding together in a nice slow rhythm that was neither urgent nor bored; Just very content to be having relaxed makeouts on a lovely Friday afternoon without interruption.

Then Eridan walked out again.

The only reason I noticed is because when he did he fucking scoffed and cleared his throat loudly like a dick. I didn’t even bother to pull away from the kiss though, just raising an arm to flip him off.

“Are the two a you really just gonna sit around all day like that?” He sounded very exasperated, but honestly I couldn’t give two shits about what he thought of me kissing my boyfriend all day long if I wanted to.

I wound up pulling away anyway, dragging Dave’s lip between my teeth on the retreat because I fucking wanted to. Then I turned to my roommate.

“Would you just fuck off and let me kiss my boyfriend in peace? If you’re leaving then just fucking leave already. You don’t have to fucking bother us and announce your departure, drama queen.”

Dave chuckled at that, though I’m not really fucking sure why, and leaned in to peck me on the cheek. Eridan seemed to have nothing left to say, so I turned back to Dave and gave him my undivided attention once more.

He starts kissing all over my face, across my cheeks, my nose, one quick peck to the lips and then down to my chin and across my jawline. I hear the front door slam shut and allow a grin to slip onto my lips.

We continue on like that for at least another hour, just peppering each other in kisses and cuddling and giving little massages here and there. By the end, I’m more relaxed than I can ever remember being in my life, which is a pretty fucking huge accomplishment.

Eventually though, the spell is broken and we both get very fucking bored. Netflix can only hold someone over for so long. Dave offers to let me come over to his place for the first official time sober and even goes so far as to promise he’ll make dinner if we can swing by the grocery store on the way. I snatch up that offer before he gets the chance to take it away, and then our afternoon is set.

Once the grocery shopping is done (a feat within itself with the Black Friday crowds) and everything has been carried into the apartment, Dave starts on cooking. I offer to help and he declines at first, but is easily convinced to let me into his kitchen after I promise not to touch the new bottle of apple juice that I got him.

Dave actually does all of the cooking, my help purely being limited to use of a knife and a cutting board. But I don’t mind. It’s nice to see him focused on something so different from when he’s at work or just hanging around with me.

In the end it’s revealed that he’s made tacos and suddenly all the dicing tomatoes and chopping lettuce without putting either in the pan makes a lot more sense. We set it up buffet style and build our little monstrosities before heading to his living room. Apparently, he doesn’t actually have a dining area set up because of the size of his tiny apartment and the fact that he lives alone. So we eat on the couch in comfortable silence.

There’s a lot of glancing back and forth and smiling or making soft little humming sounds at each other as if we’re just repeatedly agreeing that the food is good. Eventually that breaks out into soft little laughs and by the time we’re finished eating, we’re both just laughing and I’m not really even sure why.

It dies down for a moment and we exchange a look that reads as ‘why the fuck were we laughing?’ and then I go back to laughing because it’s just so ridiculous. Dave offers to take my plate to the sink and I just nod at him and lay down across the couch, still giggling, while he cleans everything up.

Once I calm down and can breathe properly again, I glance around and notice a sketchbook on the lower shelf of the coffee table.

“Hey, is this yours?” I ask, holding the book up so he can see what the hell I’m talking about.

He doesn’t turn around to look. “If it’s in my apartment, chances are it’s mine, Karkat.” Smug asshole thinks he’s funny. Whatever.

I flip the book open and start to look through the sketches he has in there. I immediately notice that he tends to draw a lot of bird skulls, which normally I’d be questioning, but they’re really fucking pretty the way he draws them. It’s distracting. I turn the page and there’s some more little sketches here and there. Very simple stuff, but all very detailed nonetheless. I’m not an artist so I can’t do the descriptions justice, but it felt like looking through a small art gallery in a way.

“Holy shit, Dave, these are really fucking good.” I say as I go to turn another page. That gets his attention apparently and within seconds he’s out of the kitchen and by my side again.

“Where did you find that?”

“It was left out in plain fucking sight. If you were trying to hide it, you really need to re-evaluate your hiding spots.” I tease, before turning another page. He’s quiet a long moment and I start to wonder if I’ve pushed some sort of boundary. “Was I not supposed to see it?”

“I mean, it’s not like there’s anything in there you aren’t allowed to see. I guess I just didn’t expect you to find it or be interested in it.”

“Why not? It’s really good art, Dave. You’re pretty fucking talented.”

“I guess.”

“YOU GUESS? Dave, this shit is fantastic. You could do this professionally if you wanted.” I say as I turn back to one of the first pages and show him his own sketch.

“Sometimes I do. My cousin Rose owns a tattoo shop and sometimes she lets me help with designs and sketches if its something she’s struggling with. I’m working on designing a piece that I want to get from her actually.” He explains. He takes the book from my hands and flips to a page, letting me see what he’s got so far. It looks like a phoenix of sorts but its clearly incomplete.

“Dave, wow. That’s ….. wow. I can’t wait to see what it’ll look like when you finish it.”

“I hope its going to be as good as how I envision it.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great no matter what.” I say as I hand the book back to him.

“Scoot forward?” He asks softly and I can’t say no to him when he’s sounding and acting so vulnerable right now. I scoot as requested, since I was just draped across the couch and taking up just about all of the space.

He sits down behind me, a leg on each side of me and gently pulls my shoulders back so my head is resting on his chest. Then he wraps his arms around me and pecks the top of my head. I twist a little to look up at him and he just has this goofy little smile on his face. I tilt my head back even more and we share an upside-down kiss that reminds me of a Spiderman movie. Then as we pull apart, I feel and hear his phone buzz.

“Speak of the devil.” He says as he checks who it is.

I hum a small noise as if to ask ‘who is it?’

“Rose. She wants to know if we want to go to brunch with her on Sunday. Like the both of us. What do you think?”

“I have the morning off, sounds good to me. What time?”

“Not sure, I’ll text her later about details. But if we’re going to go to that do you still want to do a breakfast date tomorrow morning too?” He puts his phone down and his hands come back to holding me, playing with the hem of my shirt.

“Maybe we could just, have breakfast here? Make something?”

“Yeah. I like that plan.” I can hear him smiling even if I can’t see it at the moment and it makes me feel a little warm. “So does that mean you’re sleeping over tonight?”

“I guess so? If you’re ok with that.”

“I’m more than ok with that.” He kisses my head again and I think that I may just be ok with laying here in his arms for the rest of the goddamn night.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

The rest of that night went just about as expected, we fell asleep on the couch, Karkat in my arms with his head resting against my chest. It was becoming a pattern and I’d be a damn liar to say that I wasn’t loving it. A man can only sleep sitting up for so long though before his neck starts to ache, so after a few hours we migrated to the bedroom. It was really fucking adorable how Karkat immediately curled back up against my side, and promptly passed right the fuck out.

The following morning we make breakfast together and it’s just like every stereotypical romantic movie or book. We make pancakes and there’s a lot of hugging and half-dancing around the kitchen to the beat of some song that isn’t playing but that both of us are in tune with. It’s great.

Eventually the fairytale moments have to end though, because both of us have to work that afternoon. Over a phone call during one of Karkat’s 15-minute breaks that happens to be my lunch break, we mutually decide it’s best to just head back to our own apartments and text the night away instead.

Then before I know it, it’s Sunday and we’re meeting up in front of some weird little diner that Rose picked. By the time we both get there she’s waiting for us outside with her arms crossed, looking like she’s been there for an hour and is furious with us. She isn’t, and I know that, but she does have a resting bitch face.

When I look over at Karkat he also has a resting bitch face, but his is intentional, because I know he would normally never get up before 9am and here we were at 8am. And then he opens his mouth and I know he’s going to complain about something.

“Remind me again why the ever-loving fuck we had to be up this early. It’s like 50 fucking degrees outside.” He grumbles, arms crossing over his chest, I’m assuming in attempts to keep warm.

Rose interjects before I can even say hello to her. “Most people are at church around this time on a Sunday repenting for their absurd rudeness and shopping sins. This is the best way to ensure that we aren’t bombarded by a large crowd neither here nor at the mall. But yes, it’s nice to see you again too, Karkat.” She extends her manicured hand for my boyfriend to shake and he just stares at it for a second before some sort of realization dawns on him.

“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ! You’ve been to Hit the Deck before, haven’t you? You were that bitch with the girlfriend who was burning through servers and getting passed from table to table because no one could deal with you.” He leaves her hand hanging and she drops it after another moment.

“It isn’t my fault that no one but you could handle my intelligence combined with the bitterness associated with your particular line of work. If you honestly expect to let customers in the door with your rude attitudes and not get it back in kind, then the owner should really consider a different concept for a restaurant.” Rose’s smile curves into a twisted smirk as if she’s proud of herself, and honestly she has every right to be. That was a sick burn.

After a second it appeared that Karkat couldn’t come up with something to respond with and defaulted on “Fuck you” mumbled under his breath.

“I think the phrase you are looking for is thank you. After all I am the one who recommended your restaurant to Dave in the first place.”

“You’re joking right? Dave I thought you said your brother had picked the place?” Karkat turns to me with this expectant look and suddenly I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, wedged between the last two people that I’d ever want to pick sides between.

“Hey, woah. In my defense, he did pick it, it was just based on Rose’s suggestion. Besides, Roxy works there so it’s not like we didn’t know it existed. We just hadn’t eaten there before.”

They both stare at me for a long minute before appearing to drop the situation altogether and both being pleased with the answer I gave.

“Whatever let’s just get inside before I fucking freeze to death.” Karkat grumbles. I laugh and take his hand as Rose leads us both through the doors and to the hostess stand.

“You can’t freeze to death if it isn’t even below water’s freezing temperature.” Rose says plainly before requesting a booth for three.

Karkat goes to open his mouth but I squeeze his hand and he manages to keep whatever he was going to say to himself. This was supposed to be some sort of nice brunch thing, I think, and like hell I’m going to just sit there and listen to these two bicker the whole time.

We all manage to get through our meals without any more arguments. In fact, Karkat and Rose started getting along really well, almost to the point where I was beginning to think that the back and forth from earlier was all just a fever dream. It was funny seeing Karkat’s mood shift. I couldn’t help but think that it was partially because it was warm in here and partially because he was getting to meet a family member of mine. Sure, it was just my cousin, but I did just meet a great deal of his family a few days ago, so it was almost even in a way. Or maybe I was just being too optimistic?

After brunch, Rose managed to convince us to go to the mall with her to do some post-Black-Friday shopping. She ensured us that all the chaos would be over and most stores would have cleaned up by now and restocked what they could. So, it seemed fine enough.

We followed her through a few stores and made idle conversation, Karkat never letting go of my hand, which I found way too goddamn sweet. I couldn’t keep the small little smile off my face and I was almost certain that Rose noticed. Then she stopped walking and we almost bumped right into her.

“You two do know that you don’t have to just follow me around all day. I’m not holding you hostage.”

“Yeah, we know.” Karkat supplies simply.

“It’s cool, Rose. We’re just having a chill time.” I shrug.

“Ok, well would you like to make any suggestions on where we go next?” She asks as we walk out of the antiques store.

Then before I can even open my mouth (not that I had any ideas anyway) Karkat cuts my train of thought down and rattles out. “Barnes and Noble.” Immediately.

“Perfect. I had my eye on a few pieces of literature for Dirk anyway. Dave you can probably help me decide on which he’d like best.”

“Wait shit, you’re doing Christmas shopping?” I ask, like a complete dumbass.

“David.” She sighs and I feel about ten times dumber. “You know very well that holiday shopping is usually what Black Friday is for. I sincerely hope you weren’t going to wait until last minute for everything like you tried to do two years ago.” She pinned me with a glare that told me she still hadn’t forgiven me for the terrible gift-giving.

“Let’s … not talk about that, yeah?”

“Jesus Christ Dave, what the fuck did you do?” Karkat asks, half-laughing half-speaking.

“We’re not talking about it!” I quip a little sharper than I meant to.

Thankfully neither of them took it to heart, so we just kept walking, now in the direction of the Barnes and Noble. I tried not to think about it too much, since the only reason I’d really snapped in the first place is because I was so goddamn embarrassed by it. It’s fine.

Once we got to the bookstore, it only took about two whole minutes before I lost track of Karkat. One minute he was by my side looking at books and picking things up at random then the next he’s just completely gone. I looked in the nearby aisles but he was nowhere to be seen. Then when I turn around next, Rose is right behind me and I jump a little, not expecting her to be so close. Fuck this book store and their carpeted floors that muffle all sounds of footsteps.

“Startled?” she asks, raising an eyebrow and looking clearly amused.

“Uh, I guess. Can’t find Karkat though.” I look around her and try to peer past her but she shifts into my view again. “Rose? Did you need something? Trying to find my boyfriend here.”

“He’s hiding in a chair over by the teen romance section. Presumably he found a book he likes, and is no doubt buried nose-deep in the throes of YA fiction.” She says as though it’s obvious.

“Ok …. Thanks.” I turn to head in that direction after spotting the sign overhead. Rose stops me again, this time grabbing me by the arm firmly.

“David, let’s sit down and have a chat, shall we?”

“Oh god, not this. Please. You can psychoanalyze me later, but not now. Not today.” I whine.

“Don’t worry. I won’t get too in depth today. After all we are in a public venue and I won’t let you embarrass yourself like that.”

“Mhm.” I raise an eyebrow at her this time and cross my arms over my chest.

“Ok. Allow me to rephrase. I won’t cause you to embarrass yourself, however if you do it of your own volition I won’t stop you either.” She rolls her eyes and I can tell that she thinks the elaboration is tedious.

“Sounds more like you. Fine. But if Karkat comes to find us, the discussion ends immediately. Ok?” I point at her and she scoffs.

“I am in fact practiced in the art of subtlety, Dave. No need to preface this with warnings.” Yep and there it is. Subtly calling me out on needing to put all the cards on the table. “Though it does make me wonder what you think we’re going to converse about that you don’t want your boyfriend to hear.” I can hear her smug grin and I pointedly turn and start to walk towards the nearest pair of lounge chairs, ignoring that comment altogether.

She follows and sits down, all prim and proper and poised. It’s something she’s gotten plenty of funny looks for considering that she’s covered almost head to toe in tattoo ink and a blend of gothic and Victorian fashion. But I’ve known Rose my whole life so to me it’s just, well, normal Rose.

We’re both silent for a long moment before I realize that she’s not going to make the first move, but waiting for me to start this discussion.

“Ok doctor Lalonde, what have you got for me today? Let’s go. Question one, what’s on the agenda?”

The smile she gives me reminds me of the Cheshire cat and also all the reasons that I never let her do this.

“Hm. Where to begin …. So how are things going with mister right?”

I almost open my mouth to respond before I realize that if I don’t deny the nickname it means she’s won and that I’m willing to call him mister right. It means that she was right about him being good for me and she’ll get to bask in the light of ‘I told you so’. I close my mouth and backpedal.

“Well mister right and mister left are getting along pretty well I think.” I glance down at my hands and just know that she caught the shitty innuendo joke I was making.

“Ok, well that topic aside, how are things with Karkat.” She mutters ‘insufferable prick’ under her breath and I just barely managed to make out just what she’d said. Not that it matters, she used to call me that a lot when we were growing up.

“Good.” I answer simply, not bothering to elaborate.

“Only good?” She asks, smug as she has been all afternoon.

“I mean, I guess it’s pretty great. I don’t know what answer you’re looking for.” I shrug.

“Hm. Your refusal to elaborate tells me that either something is absolutely wrong, or that this is a topic you wish not to breach with me. If the former, please do tell me what’s bothering you. Therapy isn’t usually free and you are rather lucky to have the offer here.”

“And if it’s the latter?”

“Well I guess you’re just going to have to learn that you can’t hide things from me forever and we may shift the topic. But something tells me that you actually do want to discuss your boyfriend. You’re just being apprehensive because of what I might think of it.” I swear to god if she’d had a coffee or tea with her right then she would have fucking done that shit where she sips out of it and peers at you with that condescending look. Rose Lalonde everybody, perpetually right about everything, even when she’s not.

“Rose I really don’t know what more there is to say on it. Karkat and I are practically perfect. Everything’s going really great.” I slouch down further in my seat and bring my feet up to rest on the edge of the chair’s seat, knees bent in front of me now.

“Ok. I suppose that’s fair enough. Though I must point out that you have been a little less of a ‘public menace’ towards your friends and family as of late. Not asking people for favors left and right, or reasons to leave the apartment.”

“Feeling left out or something? Has your dreary existence fallen flat without a little Dave spice in there every few days? So what, I don’t bug you guys as much anymore. Is that really an issue?” I ask.

“Not an issue, just an observation I’ve made. He really does occupy a lot of your time, Dave. How serious would you say the two of you are at the moment?”

“This is because I never gave you details about the football game thing, isn’t it?” I deadpan and glance at her from over the tops of my knees.

“That may factor into it on some level, but as your unofficial life counselor I think it’s only fair that I’m at least kept in the loop as to how you’re faring. So, how serious is it?” She smiles and it dawns on me just how long it’s been since we sat down and had one of these heart to heart talks. She probably just misses me or something, since I have been pretty busy lately and haven’t been talking to her as much.

“You want the deets? I guess I can spill some beans here and ramble just a little bit about how it’s been. Don’t expect the whole enchilada though.”

“Go on then.”

“So, you know how shit I am at categorizing, especially when it comes to how serious things are. But uh, we, well I had thanksgiving with him at his dad’s house. I met practically his whole family.”

“Please tell me that you behaved yourself instead of attempting to bring some Strider family traditions to this event.”

“No, no. It was good. We talked about it beforehand. He uh, actually hadn’t come out to his family yet. So it was pretty nerve wracking, but it went well. His dad’s bi, I guess? Honestly there was a lot of coming out and stuff. Probably the gayest thanksgiving I’ve ever been to and normally ours is a bunch of gay guys stuffing turkey asses, so that’s really saying a lot.”

“Sounds like a fun time. Quite the pride fest. I’m glad that the two of you could inspire something like that.”

“Oh well we didn’t really do it. His dad was planning to come out too, apparently. Karkat’s dad brought his boyfriend as well. Or, partner? Unofficial title but you get the idea.”

“I understand. I’m glad you had a good time and that everyone was accepting.” She tents her hands in her lap and I can tell that she’s really enjoying the story I’m telling her now. Something that doesn’t normally happen. Then again when we have these talks, I tend to take things a little more seriously and maybe that’s why she’s actually listening? Who knows.

“Well not everyone was, there was like some issue with Karkat’s grandpa and a lot of yelling from the front yard. It was pretty shitty but the rest of the night was spent with people who were more accepting, so that shit was tight as fuck after the grumpy old fart left.” We both paused for a minute, Rose apparently not knowing how to handle that comment.

“So you met his dad, what was your impression of him?” A redirection for sure, but I’ll bite.

“Well at first I was really goddamn worried and he seemed intimidating as fuck, but after a while he wasn’t so bad. Also, he asked me if I was ‘satisfying’ his son.” I gestured air quotes around the word satisfying and Rose laughed at that.

“Wait, wait. His father asked you about your sex life with his son?” Rose leans forward in her chair now and I know I’ve got her hook line and sinker.

“Yeah, you think I’d make that up?” I shift in my seat so that I could face her a little better, one leg hanging off the chair.

“Well what did you say? Were you honest about it?”

“I told him the truth.” I shrug.

“Ok?” She makes a rolling gesture with her hands. “Go on then, what’s the truth of the matter?”

“Rose! Are you also inquiring about my sex life now?” I ask, squinting at her from behind my shades in a pseudo-offended manner. She laughs.

“You certainly gave his father an answer and I presume you are still closer with me than with Mr. Vantas Senior, yes? Besides, you know I’ll keep my lips sealed.” She’s unfortunately just as convincing as ever and I let out a sigh as I prepare to spill even more beans.

“Well at the time, we hadn’t done anything yet. So, it wasn’t hard to be honest with him about that. He seemed surprised though. Found out later that he probably learned how to go through Karkat’s high school internet history on the computer that’s still at the house.”

“Yet.” Rose smirks at me as if she’s just hit the jackpot and leans back a little in her chair.

“Excuse me?” I raise my eyebrows at her.

“Your phrasing. You said you hadn’t done anything yet. David Strider are you subtly informing me that you and your boyfriend have in fact had relations within the past few days.”

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’m not even sure that what we did really counts.” My face was definitely red now; but when your cousin who’s also your best friend asks for details in your very gay sex life in the middle of a bookstore, it’s hard to stay pokerfaced.

“Let me break this down for you Dave, because you can’t be unsure about whether or not you had sex with someone. Did you finish and did he finish?”

“Uh, yes to both.” I answered softly, wishing I could just hide my head in my shirt or rewind to ten minutes ago before this conversation started and stop it before it got to this.

“Were you in the same vicinity? Same bed, couch, room, what have you?”

“Obviously.” I rolled my eyes at her from behind my shades, glad for once that she couldn’t see through them all that well.

“No. Not obviously Dave. I wasn’t there. It wasn’t obvious to me. Regardless, it would appear that you did indeed have sex. That would meet the classifications. Congratulations.”

Neither of us had realized we’d moved from whispers to full volume conversation and even more so, Rose had gotten a little loud. So when an employee walks by and shushes us, pointing to the children’s reading section halfway across the store we’re both pretty shocked. I can tell by Rose’s posture that she wants to give the woman a few choice words about how the children’s section is literally too far for the kids to hear a single thing we’d been saying, but she lets it go, taking a deep breath.

“You ok? That was pretty fucking stupid.” I comment.

“I’m fine.” She half-whispers with a smile that’s clearly comprised of forced politeness.

“You sure?”

“David. It’s fine, let’s just continue this conversation at a lower volume.” She visibly rolls her eyes and it’s almost hard not to laugh.

“Yeah sure, what else do you want to know?” I ask.

“So who’s the top and who’s the bottom?” She spits out faster than I can fucking process.

“What the fuck? What kind of question is that?” I gawk once my brain catches up with her words.

“The same kind you asked me when I came out to you and mentioned that I’d started dating Kanaya.” She smirks. Of fucking course she would bring that up right now.

“I was fourteen, Rose. Let it go.” Leave it to her to bring up something that happened a decade ago.

“So you don’t know then? Are you both switches? What are the details, Dave? I need to know so I can appropriately shop for the two of you for the holidays.” I can tell that she’s really just having fun now trying to embarrass me as best as she can.

“What the hell does that have to do with holiday shopping? Anything that’s related there, I’m sure we can purchase for ourselves, thanks. Jesus fucking Christ.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.”

“Does it matter? Either way, I like him and he likes me, and no matter what I’ll just be happy to be with him at all. I don’t really give a shit about who does what in the bedroom.”

Rose is silent for a long moment and I can sort of see the gears turning in her head as if she’s piecing some sort of puzzle together.

“What is it now?”

“You passed.”

“Passed? Passed what? Wait were you actually doing some sort of analysis from all this?”

“You’re learning to love, Dave. You’re being honest about your feelings, you’re smiling like a dork when you talk about your boyfriend, very uncool but absolutely charming regardless. You’re growing up. I’m a little proud of you. Actually, scratch that, more than a little proud. Get up, come here, give me a hug.” She waves her arms towards herself as if that’s going to motivate me to actually get up and hug her in the middle of this Barnes and Noble right now.

I stand up to humor her because I know she won’t accept me just sitting down like this and staring at her. She wraps her arms around me and I let mine hang limp in the embrace.

“I’m not letting you go until you hug me back, Dave. You can either make this easy or you can make it awkward.”

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“No, but you earned it. Take the damn affection, Mr. Cool Kid.”

I slap my arms up around her for a brief second and she huffs near my ear before pulling away.

“You know that’s not at all what I meant, nor is it acceptable, but I’m not going to press the issue right now.”

“I figured.”

As if the whole universe was perfectly in synch time-wise, that’s right when Karkat appeared from around the corner of a bookcase and found us.

“Well I couldn’t find anything worth my time, are you guys all set here? We can look somewhere else.”

“Yeah.” I cough. “Yeah, I’m all set, Rose are you good?”

“I didn’t need anything here in the first place.” She smiles.

“Cool, let’s jet then.” I say before mentally smacking myself. If I didn’t seem off before, I sure as fuck did now. When the hell did I start saying shit like “let’s jet”?

“Ok…..” Karkat takes my hand and let’s Rose walk ahead of us again. Then he pulls me to the side and whispers. “Hey are you ok? Did you guys have a fight or something?” He’s looking at my shades, trying to see through them at different angles and catch my eyes. It’s really fucking cute actually the way he moves his head around when he does that.

“What? No. We’re all chill. Just a cousin chit-chat. Nothing to worry about.” I lean in and kiss his forehead and he visibly relaxes, before a slight blush blooms across his cheeks.

He looks up at me and fuck I really want to kiss him, but I know this isn’t the best place to be making out. Instead I press my forehead to his and just smile at him, admiring each of the freckles spattered across his cheeks. He closes his eyes and hell if that doesn’t make it harder to refrain from kissing him when he looks so ready to be kissed and so goddamn perfect.

Rose coughs loudly and brings us out of the moment. She’s stopped in the doorway, watching us apparently. “Are we going to be leaving the store sometime today, boys?”

“Sorry Lalonde. We’re coming.” I call back. I turn back to my boyfriend who is even more red in the face now. I kiss one of his cheeks and reclaim his hand with my own, heading out of the store finally.

The rest of shopping goes fast enough and Karkat and I even wind up making some small purchases. Sometime around three in the afternoon we all departed, Karkat driving me home since I’d walked to brunch today. Needless to say we spent a great deal of time in the parking lot before we’d left, some heavy lip action may or may not have been involved.

It just so happened that there was heavy lip action part two once we’d gotten to my place, again in the parking lot while still in his car. Maybe a little on the stairway up to the apartment. Even more kissing at the door. I would have invited him in, but before I could he mentioned having to work early the next morning, so I figured maybe a sleepover wouldn’t be the best idea. I promised to text him though, to which he replied, “I’d be seriously fucking surprised if you didn’t.”

I laughed and waited until he was down the stairs and back in his car before I closed my door. Pressing my back to the wood and grinning like an idiot, I thought through the events of the day.

Maybe Rose was right. Maybe I really am starting to fall in love?

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

So it’s almost December now and I’m pretty monumentally aware that my birthday is coming up, because it also means that Dirk’s birthday is coming up. And Rose’s and Roxy’s. Just a lot of birthdays all at once because our family is weird and freaky like that and we all had to be born around the same goddamn time. Illuminati confirmed? I think so. Probably. Maybe. Maybe we can just leave it up to coincidence and not think too hard on it. Let our brains take a chill pill on that one.

Anyway, I don’t want to make a big deal about it this year, and I never do. Dirk doesn’t either, but he’s more resigned to the fact that Roxy absolutely can and will throw some sort of gigantic party. The difference this year being that I was allowed to opt out of the aforementioned slammin party if I claim to have plans with Karkat. A permission that is very rarely granted, but Roxy said something along the lines of the first birthday spent with a romantic partner being important. I do believe her of course, however I still don’t want to make a big deal of it. So I told her that I do have plans with Karkat after all.

Before I get called out on my bullshit, that is relatively true. I do have plans with Karkat. They’re just not birthday-specific plans. Because I’m not gonna let anyone make a big deal about my birthday this year. I really just don’t like the big parties. The way everyone feels obligated to get me something and pay me extra attention. The singing that is always off-key, and kind of terrifyingly ritualistic in a creepy way that just gives me the jitters. It feels too much like a seance and too little like something regular ass people should be doing to celebrate someone’s life. That’s just my hot take on the matter though. Doesn’t mean I’m right or anything.

Bottom line is, I just wanna have a nice chill day and not be accosted by people wanting to wish me the obligatory “happy birthday” that they believe they owe me. It’s weird. Might just ask Karks if he wants to go see a movie or chill at the house or something along those lines. At best, I’ll get some annoying texts and it’ll be as chill as a typical day in Antarctica minus the penguins or whatever. At worst…. well …. Karkat could find out about my birthday, and fuck if i know what he’s gonna want to do for all that. So far it seems like his family has some pretty normal holiday traditions, so it might just be that he wants to get me a cake or some shit. Who knows? Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.

Mission: Ignore Birthday => Commence

Karkat P.O.V.

Dave’s been acting kind of cagey lately. At first I thought it was something really fucking stupid, like him struggling to figure out what to get me for christmas, despite us already deciding we weren’t going to do anything dramatic or flashy. We even fucking set a $40 price limit to make sure neither of us went way the fuck over the top. But like most things, I find out I’m wrong by overhearing some bullshit at work that I probably wasn’t supposed to hear.

I was working an evening shift at Hit the Deck and running over to grab some of the drinks for my tables from the bar. Our usual, and my personal fucking favorite, bartender was behind the counter just chit-chatting away to a captive and tipsy audience. As I approach, I hear her talking about some big party that apparently everyone is invited to, so being in work-mode and vaguely put off, it isn’t hard to chime in grumpily.

“Everyone? How come I wasn’t fucking invited then, Rox? Thought we were friends but clearly I was fucking wrong.” I spit out.

She giggles and reads it as the playful jab that it definitely didn’t fucking sound like, but that she knows I meant it as. “Aw Karkle-sparkle. Davey told me you guys already had plans for his big bday. But if you still wanna swing by, we can always use more partayy guestss.” She practically sings the last two words, voice jumping in volume as she goes about pouring the next drinks in a really flashy manner.

Sometimes I just had to fucking wonder if she remembered which job she was at when she was here, or if she was just crazy as soon as she clocked in and got her hands on the booze. Then my train of thought halted so fast it nearly fucking careened off the shitty tracks it was working its way down. Dave’s birthday?

I steeled my face and took a moment to think this through. Why wouldn’t Dave mention his birthday to me? And plans? We had plans pretty much all fucking week so I had no idea which day that could be. Also not to be an asshole, but Roxy’s parties often got out of hand so I could only imagine what the everloving fuck she had planned for something like that. I could understand his hesitation with something like that, or how he might be partied out considering his night job. I decided to play along.

“Riiiight. That fucking party. We’ll see if we even fucking bother to stop by. Might be kinda busy, anyway.” I clip back, only missing a small beat in conversation.

“Mhm.” She fucking winks at me. “I’m sure you two will have your hands full all night.” Roxy laughs before making an obscene gesture that one might mistake for a slow-motion shake weight commercial if they were too fucking innocent to understand.

I roll my eyes at her and grab the drinks before turning tail back to my tables with newfound determination to make some extra fucking tips today. I wanted to do something nice for Dave even if it wasn’t much.

Later in my shift I managed to catch Sollux and ask him what day Roxy’s party was going to be. Thankfully he didn’t give me much shit for not knowing and just gave me an honest ass answer. I actually thanked him for once, albeit under my breath, and finished my shift in peace.

December 3rd. The day he asked if we could just chill and watch movies at his place. Makes sense why he chose to just hang out that day of all the plans we had that week. I could probably just bring a small gift along or some shit like that. He clearly didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so maybe it’d be best if I didn’t either? It felt kind of fucking wrong to just not celebrate it at all or pretend like I didn’t know it was happening. That seemed like the kind of shit that a bad boyfriend would do, and that’s not at fucking all what I was aiming to start being. I had to come up with a plan and fast.

It didn’t take much convincing at all to get Dirk to tell me if Dave had a spare key to his apartment hidden and where it was located. Hell the guy didn’t even ask me for my reasoning, which seemed a little concerning. Whatever the case, I had that now. All that was left after that was to gather the rest of the supplies and execute. If Dave wanted a day to stay in and relax, I was going to make it as relaxing as possible.

Basically all of my coworkers were already asking off early for this party, so it wasn’t hard to get Meenah to just close down for the evening and print up a lame piece of paper to hang in the window of the restaurant. Once the “Sorry, we’re closed. Will return: Tomorrow.” was lazily slapped up, we were all off the hook. I raced home to grab all the shit I would need and get ready for a night of relaxation and the closest I’d probably ever get to a cliche romantic gesture.

Car trunk full of blankets and other miscellaneous shit, I slapped the hatch shut and got on my merry way to Dave’s apartment, knowing full well that he was still at the radio station and would be for another hour and a half.

Setting up a blanket fort was significantly harder that I’d remembered it being and it dawned on me that I really didn’t fucking think through any of this bullshit. There was no place to hook any of it from the ceiling like so many of the damn pinterest photos had shown. His couch was miniscule so there was no fucking way that I could drape blankets off of that.

My options at this point were to attempt to use the barstools from his breakfast counter, or to straight up attempt to hang them from the ceiling fan. And I knew for a fucking fact the damn thing had never been cleaned. I doubted he’d ever turned the fucking thing on, actually. Regardless, I wasn’t about to cause a dust storm in his fucking living room to make this birthday surprise work.

Thirty minutes and much wild googling later, I’d managed to make a somewhat decent fort. I slid his couch closer to the breakfast bar and draped the blankets from the high counter over the back of the damn sofa. It may not have been perfect, but it was something. The next step was the string lights which, thank fucking god, were battery operated so I wouldn’t have to struggle with electric outlets in this weird fucking spot in the room. On the bright side we would still kind of be in view of the TV if he wanted to watch movies from inside.

The last thing I’d brought with me was honestly the fucking easiest to set up. I had a portable vinyl record player and some of my favorite records as well as a few that I thought he would like. I’d considered asking him to borrow some albums from the station, but that would rouse too much suspicion, whether or not he was even allowed to borrow shit from work like that. Vinyl was damn expensive now that it was considered something “retro” and collectable.

Stupid fucking hipsters.

Once everything was all set up and good to go, I picked up my phone to check the time. Forty more minutes to kill before he was off work, and that wasn’t even counting the time it would take him to skate home. Awesome. I got up out of the tent and stretched before a memory smacked me in the face. The first night that I was here. Fuck. I still owed him a whole new jug of juice.

Fuck it. Grocery store run.

Somehow I managed to only take twenty five minutes for my store trip, so by the time I got back to Dave’s apartment I still had fifteen whole fucking minutes to kill and three different types of apple beverages. Why the everloving fuck I thought it was a smart idea to set up so early, I’d never know.

Selfies in the tent were pretty fucking cute since the lighting was soft and yellow-orange in hue.

Nothing interesting happening on facebook.

No new HassleMate messages to respond to or ignore.

All the games on my phone fucking sucked or I was stuck on a level and didn’t feel like rage quitting today.

Staring at the ceiling it was.

I laid there for maybe five minutes before I started to hear the patter of rain outside.

Mother of fuck. Of fucking course it would be raining.

I picked up my phone and called Dave, hoping he’d just be cleaning up and fine to answer. I was blissfully correct.

“Hey Kark, I’m sweeping, what’s up?”

“It’s raining outside.” I supplied ever so fucking helpfully. I could see the charade beginning already.

“You called just to tell me it’s raining?” He asked, and I could just see the fucking smug grin on his face in my mind. I knew he was fucking with me.

“Obviously not, asshat. Did you want a fucking ride home in something with an actual fucking roof or did you want to soak yourself like a drowned rat on your skate home?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I called to be nice, fucking imagine that.” I rolled my eyes.

His soft little “pfft” carried over the line. “Yeah, if you wanna come get me that would be super fuckin awesome babe.”

“Great. See you in ten?”

“Make it 8 or I skate.”

“Thin fucking ice, Strider.” I snapped before abruptly ending the call. I wasn’t really mad at him though, and he knew that.

Picking Dave up was a simple enough task, and pretending everything was normal was easy since he spent the whole car ride home fucking with my stereo and setting new favorite stations for me that were “much better”. The amount of eye-rolling was absurd but each 360 was well deserved.

The race up the apartment stairwell was stupid and treacherous, what with it practically hailing now, but nobody got hurt so I guess it was fucking fine. I nearly blew my cover by reaching into my pocket for his spare key, but as soon as he whipped his out, I caught myself. Fucking stupid ass move Karkat.

I let him get inside and take in the scene, before shutting the door and slipping my arms around his waist from behind.

“Happy Birthday, you insufferable prick.” I whispered, but in the still of the room it sounded almost too loud. Maybe it was just that my pulse was freaking the fuck out because I had no idea how he’d react. Another beat of silence before Dave seemed to break out of his trance.

“Who the fuck told you?”

“Unimportant. Do you like it?”

“Karkat.” He sighs.

“I know you don’t want anything fancy, but this totally isn’t. It’s just a nice night in, like we’d originally planned, just with some added bullshit that I brought from home and one very overdue apple juice replacement.” I couldn’t tell if I was assuring him or myself. I was pretty fucking nervous.

“God, don’t fucking remind me. That might have been simultaneously the best and worst thing I’ve ever witnessed.” I could tell he was smiling now at least.

“Let’s not rehash then.” I grumbled. He turned around in my arms and locked his hands behind my neck.

“Yeah? You got some better plans?” The whole atmosphere shifted in that moment. The fucking look on his face and the way he was now twirling the curls at the base of my neck told me that he had something mischevious planned.

“You tell me, birthday boy.” I found myself staring at his lips, and without wasting another second he pinned me to the door and kissed me hard.

To say he took my breath away would be so fucking cliche that I’d hate to even bother, but it was true whether I wanted to admit it or not. The details got a little fuzzy for a bit as I got lost in the feeling of his lips on mine once more. It wasn’t the first time we’d made out, but it definitely was the first time he’d pushed me up against a door and for some reason that really added another level to it.

Karkat cool your fucking dick, you idiot. It shouldn’t be that ridiculously hot that he’s ever so slightly manhandling you. I chastise myself mentally, trying to not make this evening awkward a lot faster than it really needs to be. Explaining to Dave on his birthday that I’m pretty into him pushing me against things is just not a conversation that I want to sit through.

He pulls back from the kiss and catches me spacing the fuck out.

“You alright babe?” Dave asks with a crooked smirk on his face.

I nod and leave it at that, not trusting my own voice at the moment.

“Wanna watch a movie?” He asks while nuzzling his nose against mine. It’s so fucking soft and gentle that for a moment his question doesn’t even register to me.

“Hm?”

“Movie? From the fort that you worked super hard on?” He lets out a soft chuckle and it’s really fucking nice to hear this close.

“Yeah. Anything you want today.” Is my automatic response and I just know he’s going to make that an innuendo.

“Anything I want?” And there it was. That damn smirk.

“Cool it Strider or it’ll be apple juice splash mountain part two.”

He gasps in an overdramatic way and throws a hand to his chest flamboyantly. “You dare threaten my first love, AJ? Karkat you don’t wanna make me choose between you two. It’s best if you just learn to get along with the apple juice.”

“Are you really going to imply you’d choose a jug of juice over me if it came down to it?” I deadpan.

“Nah. But seriously, movie time.” He pulls away, grabbing my hand and tugging me across the room towards the fort.

Long story short it didn’t really fucking matter what movie we put on because it was all just background noise for a two hour long makeout session. By the time the credits rolled my lips were fucking numb and probably very swollen, but I sure as shit wasn’t complaining. The atmosphere was just fucking calm and nice and Dave was comfortable as fuck to lay against. There was a beat of silence where Dave and I were just staring at each other, his shades long since cast to the side because it was dim enough in our little cloth abode.

“Did you have a good birthday?” I asked softly, not sure of what else to really say in that moment.

“Leaving so soon?” He responds with a chuckle. “The night ain’t over yet.”

“No. I’m just asking if you enjoyed the fucking movie, you ass.” I roll my eyes.

“There was a movie playing?” He grins, moving like he’s going to lean in and kiss me again. I roll away from him though, in what little space is available in the fort. “Ouch. Karkat. I’m hurt.” He feigns, throwing a hand to his chest dramatically.

“You’ll get the fuck over it. My lips are sore.” I protest, wanting a break.

“Fair enough. Want to go get dinner then?” He sits up and almost knocks the ceiling blanket over in the process.

“Depends. Is it still raining out?”

“You won’t take me to dinner on my birthday if it’s raining?” Dave was clearly trying to push my patience for his smart-assery.

“Didn’t say that. Just get up and fucking check, please.”

“Wow a whole entire please? Miracles really can happen.” He’s chuckling to himself as he gets up, but I’m resigned to rolling my eyes again and trying to wiggle out of the fort without knocking it over.

Weather update. It was barely still raining. It was, by technicality, only sprinkling; so not really all that bad. It didn’t make me any more motivated to get up and drive somewhere, but after a brief discussion about what we were hungry for, it didn’t really matter. We settled on going to a little shop just down the street and doing the “cliche romantic” thing and walking in the rain.

Needless to say, the walk there and back was full of hand holding and fumbling with a broken umbrella that we’d snatched from my car. The rest of the evening went about the same as one might expect. We ate inside the blanket fort, watched another movie and actually paid attention to this one, and then made out on the living room floor to the sounds of vinyl records, whispered conversations, and the pitter-patter of rain against the window until we passed out.

I woke up around 2am and managed to drag Dave and myself to his fucking bed so our bodies wouldn’t be too terribly upset with us. All in all, I thought the night was pretty fucking stellar. I’d only wished I’d had a camera to get pictures of him in the blanket fort because apparently I’m a fucking sap like that. I couldn’t logically be blamed for him looking so nice in soft lighting. So actually, fuck him and his stupid soft hair and his un-fucking-fairly pretty eyes.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

So I’d been hoping for a nice holiday season with my boyfriend, but after learning that both my Bro and Dirk’s Bro were coming down to see us respectively for Christmas, that plan went right out the goddamn window faster than a recently freed bird fleeing its cage. Per usual, Bro found a way into my apartment without using the door, and without letting me formally know he was there. I at least knew he was coming, so I knew to have my guard up, but that never ceased to make it a weird experience to walk out of my room at 7am on December 22nd and see him sitting on the counter in the kitchen.

“Sup.” I offered, too tired this early to deal with the silent mind game fuckery.

“Just gonna get right to it then, lil man?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“You’ve gone soft.”

“Nah, just not in the mood for the bullshit today.”

“Ouch.” He put a hand to his chest like he was offended, but honestly I couldn’t find it in me to care much.

The morning sort of continued on in that manner. Short abrupt conversation not really amounting to anything. 'Don’t ask, don’t tell' was definitely up and in place, considering that we were literally just dancing around every topic without landing on any of them.

“Ok, Bro, can you tell me just what the fuck the plan is this year?”

“The same as every year. Wake up early. Open presents. Strife on the roof. Bandage up. Go get dinner at Dennys.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I deadpanned. I didn’t cancel plans with Karkat for this bullshit. “Ok so now that the 24th and 25th are out of the way, what about the rest of the time you’re here?”

“I’ll be around, don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry? Bro I’m a grown ass fucking adult, have been for a while. I’m not just going to go about my business and have you lurking like a fucking creep in my apartment for two whole days.”

“Aight kid, who pissed in your AJ? What’s got you all messed up about spending time with me? You never seemed to mind before.”

I wanted to scream at him about how fucking dense he was, and how obvious it should have been that I’ve always minded. But I really wasn’t in the mood to strife this out, because that’s exactly where it’d lead. So I just sighed and resigned myself to going back to fucking bed. I’d text Dirk later and see how he was handling David. I didn’t even want to think about having both our Bros in the same room again, but I knew that was going to have to be a thing sooner or later.

After laying in bed for a solid 30 minutes and scrolling social media, I remembered that I never formally cancelled plans with Karkat, so I’d best get on that shit.

TG: babe

TG: hey babe

TG: karkat

TG: babe

TG: baby

TG: buttercup

TG: beautiful

TG: boo bear

TG: bun bun

TG: bunny

TG: ok im officially out of b pet names

CG: YOU FORGOT BITCH

TG: shit you right

TG: also good morning

CG: GOOD FUCKING MORNING

CG: WHAT WAS SO URGENT THAT YOU FELT THE NEED TO SPAM ME?

TG: oh man

TG: sorry if that was actually annoying

TG: and its not like urgent per se

TG: i just sorta need to let you know about this thing

TG: because circumstances have arisen and the forecast is a whole lotta problems

TG: problems with our holiday plans

CG: CAN YOU PLEASE GET TO THE POINT DAVE?

TG: i gotta cancel christmas

CG: OK, ... THAT’S FINE BUT IS THERE A REASON?

TG: my bro is being a huge shit

TG: and i guess i expected to be able to find a way out of it this year

TG: dont know why i would think itd be any different just because dirk and i live in separate apartments now

CG: THAT’S UNDERSTANDABLE, I GUESS.

CG: YOU HAVEN’T TOLD ME MUCH ABOUT YOUR BROTHER SO IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO SAY HERE.

CG: ALL I CAN DO IS INFER THAT HE’S PROBABLY NOT YOUR FAVORITE PERSON TO BE AROUND?

TG: thats an understatement

TG: but yeah

TG: hes

TG: yeah

TG: thats a whole other bucket of worms i dont feel like spilling into your lap right now

TG: id need a coffee first

TG: and then a week of your time to explain it properly from the start and not just give you the short version

CG: THAT BAD?

TG: if you only knew

CG: YOU WANT A DISTRACTION? WE COULD GO GET COFFEE OR SOMETHING TO AT LEAST GET YOU OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT.

TG: nah

TG: that only gives him permission to set up boobie traps while im gone

TG: basically i have to babysit him over the next few days

TG: and be super wary when im at work so that when i come home its not to a mountain of puppet ass to the face

TG: or a fridge full of shitty swords

TG: or random shit in the blender where it clearly doesnt go

TG: i hope he hasnt started unpacking yet

CG: I THINK IM STARTING TO GET THE PICTURE BASED ON THOSE MENTAL IMAGES ALONE

CG: REMINDS ME OF THE CONVERSATION WE HAD ABOUT YOUR THANKSGIVING TRADITIONS

TG: those were actually half decent though and agreed upon by all 4 of us

TG: not just bullfuckery made up by one massive asshole

TG: i swear he thinks its quirky or something

TG: like being really fucking weird to the point its actually annoying is a personality trait

TG: but hes family so it be like that

CG: YOU SOUND LIKE YOU NEED A HUG

TG: after this hell week im definitely gonna need a hug

CG: I’LL BE JUST A MESSAGE AWAY, OK?

CG: BUT ALSO I’M PROBABLY GONNA GO OUT TO MY DADS PLACE ON THE 24TH

TG: understandable

CG: I’LL STILL KEEP MY PHONE NEARBY

CG: I MIGHT GET YELLED AT FOR BEING ON IT DURING CHRISTMAS

CG: BUT FUCK THEM IF THEY THINK THEY CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO

TG: true

TG: nobody tells my baby what to do

TG: nobody but me

CG: I SWEAR TO FUCK IF YOU MAKE THIS INTO ANOTHER DADDY JOKE

TG: what

TG: what are you gonna do about it

TG: you gonna throw a fit about it baby boy

CG: STRIDER

TG: not the name to use right now

TG: come on

CG: I SINCERELY HOPE THIS IS IRONIC FOR YOU BECAUSE IM NEVER GOING TO FUCKING CALL YOU THAT EVEN IN YOUR WILDEST GODDAMN DREAMS

TG: it sure seemed to make you blush the first time i said it

CG: UH YEAH, NOT SUPER FUCKING OFTEN SOMEONE COMES IN AND BLATANTLY FLAUNTS THEIR KINKS AT YOU WHILE YOU’RE ON THE CLOCK UNLESS YOU WORK IN A FUCKING STRIP CLUB.

CG: IT’S CALLED SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT YOU ASSWIPE.

TG: its called denial babe

CG: I’M DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION

CG: NEXT TOPIC PLEASE

TG: denial

TG: but fine

TG: next topic

TG: don’t you work today

CG: IN AN HOUR, YES. BUT SOME ASSHOLE SPAMMED MY PHONE WITH MESSAGES, THUS WAKING ME UP BEFORE MY ALARM.

TG: you keep your phone on vibrate

CG: OF COURSE I DO

TG: hot

CG: DOESN’T FUCKING EVERYONE KEEP THEIR PHONE ON VIBRATE?

TG: nah

TG: i leave mine on silent usually

CG: … I’M NOT EVEN SURE IF I SHOULD DIGNIFY THIS WITH A RESPONSE, SINCE YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU THINK IT’S HOT THAT I FUCKING KEEP MY PHONE ON VIBRATE?

CG: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK COULD EVEN BE HOT ABOUT THAT?

CG: DO YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF DELUSIONAL MISCONCEPTION THAT I PLACE MY PHONE ANYWHERE REMOTELY NEAR MY ASS WHILE I SLEEP OR SOMETHING?

CG: A PHONE IS SOMETHING PEOPLE PUT NEAR THEIR FACES, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVEN-?

TG: wow karks you really are somethin

TG: i didnt say anything about you using your phone as a vibe or puttin it near your ass

TG: and you just

TG: came out and said that all on your own

TG: im glad youre comfortable tellin me this

TG: but i gotta say babe

TG: that shits fuckin weird

TG: and maybe you should reconsider

TG: i can buy you some normal toys if thats the issue

TG: christmas is right around the corner after all

CG: … IGNORING ALL THAT BULLSHIT AS WELL

CG: THAT REMINDS ME THOUGH

CG: WHAT DID YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT EXCHANGING GIFTS SINCE WE WON’T BE SPENDING THE DAY TOGETHER?

TG: you wanna do like the 27th or somethin

TG: gives you time to get back home from your dads and chill

TG: gives me time to clean up after the bronado of bullshit leaves town and heads back to texas where it belongs

CG: WORKS FOR ME

TG: perfect

CG: OK NOW I HAVE TO GO GET READY FOR WORK

TG: fiiine

TG: have fun

TG: ttyl babe <3

CG: DEFINITELY <3

Well that went a lot better than I’d hoped it would. Now that the plans with Karkat were clarified it was time to check in on Dirk, who hopefully was doing better than I was. I heard a soft thump from the kitchen, which I could only hope was the fridge door hitting the wall a little harder than need be and not some other ridiculous fuckshit. I’d have to go check on him again in a bit before he destroyed anything or got too fucking bored.

TG: bro

TG: is he there yet

TT: Dave I’m not home right now. I have no fucking clue.

TG: awesome

TG: where are you then

TT: You really don’t want the honest answer to that question.

TG: the only answer i wouldnt like is if you said karkats

TG: so spill the tea

TT: Dude, I’m not just going to tell you exactly where I am.

TG: why the hell not

TG: i thought you were fam

TG: turns out were just bros

TT: That’s the exact same shit.

TG: no i was quoting the video

TG: but i changed it

TG: you know what fuck the reference

TG: why wont you tell me where you are man

TT: Christ, you really want to know?

TG: i wouldnt be asking if i didnt bro

TG: just tell me

TG: whats the worst that could happen

TT: You really are shit at picking up on nuance. Let’s see if this makes it any clearer. I’m responding from my shades because my hands aren’t available and you’re being kind of a cockblock right now.

TG: oh shit

TG: damn

TG: things going that well

TG: i mean

TG: dont answer that

TG: i dont actually want the details of your sex life with your buff boyfriend

TG: you can keep that to yourself

TT: Thanks.

TG: mind if bro and i hop over to your place to check on david

TT: It’s your funeral but, be my guest.

TT: They might try to kill each other.

TT: You’re not exactly known to be the best mediator.

TG: ouch

TG: fuck you

TT: Covered.

TG: gross

TG: going over anyway

TG: see you whenever youre done

TT: Bold of you to assume I’m coming home after this.

TG: youre not leaving me with them

TG: youre coming to strider family christmas or so help me i will skewer you both

TG: bring jake

TT: Right now?

TG: no not right now

TG: christ you fucking exhibitionist

TG: im leaving now

TG: stop texting while you fuck

TT: Stop messaging me while I’m being fucked then.

TG: GOODBYE

Another awkward conversation later, and I managed to convince Bro to go over to Dirks apartment with me. There was heavy scrutiny about the fact that Dirk wouldn’t even be there, but I wasn’t about to share what I’d just learned.

We took two steps into the apartment, there was a flash, and suddenly Bro had a sword held to his neck and I was on the floor, having been pushed.

“D, it’s just us.” I sighed.

“Where the fuck is Dirk?” He barked it out like an order more than a question, but I could understand. He and Dirk were pretty fucking close, especially compared to me and Bro. If my close relative wasn’t home when I got there and was presumably missing for a few hours, I’d be concerned as hell too.

“You could just message him. He responded to me like 20 minutes ago.”

“Phone’s broke. Where is he?” David’s head darted back and forth between me and Bro, seemingly challenging either of us to lie to him. As if we would or could hide Dirk from him.

“Jake’s place.” I supplied, hoping like hell that he didn’t know where that was. If D stormed in on Dirk and Jake having sex, I wouldn’t live to see christmas morning.

“Acceptable.” David put down his sword and backed up. Somehow Bro had been managing to stay silent this whole time and I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or concerned.

They sized each other up, which was a whole awkward moment within itself. What do you do when your divorced guardians are forced to spend a holiday together and they’re still barely on speaking terms? I wasn’t fucking sure, so I just stood there silently, letting them do their thing and trying not to pay it too much attention.

“David.”

“Derek.”

And that was just about all the awkward I could handle. Them using each others full first names was just fucking weird. “Okay, so, what do you guys wanna do until Dirk gets back? Lunch? Brunch? How about some food, yeah?” I interjected. They just continued to stare each other down.

“Who’s paying?” Bro asked without looking at me.

“I’ll cook guys, no need to worry.” I took a step towards the kitchen.

“You cooking is absolutely a reason to worry, let me do it.” D cut in, stepping past me and into the kitchen proper. And just like that everything fell out of the awkward stasis and back into old routine. D in the kitchen making sure we survive, Bro on the couch watching tv, and me just hanging out somewhere in between.

When Dirk finally showed up, it was several hours later and he had Jake with him. That introduction went pretty smooth from my viewpoint, but that was only because Jake managed to act unaffected when Bro all but yelled “Looks like all of us are dirty cocksuckers, huh?”. Dirk must have debriefed Jake on how our family is before bringing him home. De-briefing joke bypassed for the sake of my mentality, we survived the day and that was a fucking miracle within itself.

Sleep wasn’t something I was permitted apparently.

Every 30-40 minutes there was another weird sound, another soft thump or crash, another cough or unnecessarily loud series of mumbles. Around 4am I finally just gave up and subjected myself to staring at the ceiling instead, waiting for death to come. I wasn’t going to confront him, and I wasn’t going to go strife in the middle of the night. I’d just have to learn to take catnaps or survive off espresso and energy drinks.

Skipping over the 23rd because the majority of my day was spent at the radio station, and the rest was spent avoiding potential traps in my own apartment and looking like a paranoid bastard.

Finally The Eve rolled around. It was unanimously decided we’d be at Dirk’s apartment (like every year since we all knew my place was gonna be full of traps, puppet ass, and swords where swords should not be). The first event of the day was literally stretching and warm-up. We spent a majority of the early evening preparing, while Bro sat off to the side on his lazy ass per usual. Dirk and I helped each other go over some basic shit, just so we’d be able to block well enough to keep out the hospital this year. Defense was truly the best offense when you were tired of fighting 24/7.

Then it was time for the Annual Strider Christmas Eve Strife.

Hooray.

The trudge up the staircase to the roof was interesting enough. Most of the people in Dirk’s building knew by now to not question the four blond men with swords in the hallway. The few that didn’t, quickly made themselves scarce at the sight of sharp metal. It was probably around 35 fahrenheit outside, but naturally that wouldn’t be stopping us all from being out there in t shirts or tank tops and jeans. This year there was no fanfare of standing around or waiting for everyone to stare at each other before shit began. Bro straight up charged D as soon as the roof access door was shut. Clearly they had some shit to work out, because D was more than ready, dodging and coming back with a swing of his own. I glanced around for Dirk but couldn’t seem to find him anywhere, and that’s when I knew I’d been out of practice too long and was definitely fucked.

I turned to look over my left shoulder, and before I could straighten my gaze again, there was a blade at my neck and body behind my own.

“Looks like you lose early this year, huh Dave?” Came his voice from the right.

“Flashstepping? Really?” I whined.

“Don’t act like it’s unfair dude. You’re the one who’s been avoiding strifes.”

“How did you-” I went to turn my head, but the blade pressed closer so I froze.

“You think Bro’s tension towards D was exactly what it seemed on surface level? Dude’s pent up. Normally his strifes with you leading up to today would give us all an advantage.” I feel Dirk nod towards the battle in front of us, and I watch for a minute as Bro really gives his offense all his force.

I haven’t seen him fight like that since I was in high school. So full of genuine rage. Some part of me wanted to be glad that it wasn’t aimed at me, but it didn’t make it any better that David was getting the worst of it either. Sure the two of them were still exes, and still divorced, and it was entirely Bro’s fault, but that didn’t make it ok for Bro to be so aggressive for just having to put up with him for one holiday.

“So what do we do?” I ask Dirk, hands still at my sides.

“WE do nothing, you’re already caught and we’re in stalemate, unless you think you can get out of this hold without severe injury.”

“So what are you going to do then? Are you gonna help D and distract Bro?” I was already scheming in my head, but I knew I’d get my ass chewed for it later.

“If I let you go, you’re just going to jump back in. I know you better than that by now.” Dirk states firmly, catching me mid thought process.

Damnit.

“So then, Mr. Ten Steps Ahead, what’s the game plan? Let D get hacked to shreds because he’s just as rusty as the rest of us?” I roll my eyes.

“Hold on.” Dirk says distractedly, and I can tell immediately that he’s checking a message on his shades. I take the opportunity to do the only thing I can think of that’ll get me out of Dirk’s grip. It’s fucking disgusting but must be done. I gather up a wad of spit in my mouth, tilt my head skyward and fucking launch my snot rocket backwards into his hair. I silently thank Bro for all the bullshit spitting contests growing up that allowed me to be out of the nasty splash zone.

Dirk gets so fucking startled that he lowers his sword and lifts his free hand to his head right away. As soon as I see my way out, I take it, ducking down and sort of half hopping forward, grabbing my sword from the ground and turning around to face Dirk.

“Dude seriously?” He whines and I can’t help but fucking cackle at his dismay. “You really fucking spit in my hair?”

“Well I got out without injury, so yeah.” I flash a grin at him and he takes his stance once more, katana at the ready.

“You won’t next time.” He states, deadpan and probably a lot more angry than he was when we first got up to the roof.

“Or, and just hear me out on this one, we could team up and go take down Bro, just like last year.” It was a hopeful suggestion, but at least it might save us all a good deal of time.

“You think he won’t be expecting that?” Dirk raises a brow at me and I roll my eyes in response.

“So what you’re saying is that you really think he’s going to be that attentive in all his blind fury towards D?”

Dirk sighs and nods in their direction, signifying defeat and a willingness to go with my plan. It was a first for him to just concede like that, but maybe he was in a hurry to have this shit over with just like I was? I’m sure he’d rather be literally anywhere else than on the roof of his apartment building, most likely back with Jake. Wasn’t gonna think too hard on that train of thought. But it did remind me that once this strife was done that I needed to text Karkat again.

Head out of the clouds, I focused down as we both observed the fight before us. D was doing pretty damn well with dodging the worst of the misguided swings, but he definitely had a few decent scrapes already as well. Hopefully with enough tact, we could keep everyone out of the fucking hospital this year. Without bothering to communicate jack shit to me, Dirk lunged in and started creating a distraction to keep Bro switching focus around. At least this way the blows were more spread out so that nobody would be worn down before this literal berserker hacked us all up one by one. I stayed back to observe a moment more, because I just don’t have the natural chess game mind to plan five thousand steps ahead like Dirk seems to do. It was clear that his plan was just to take half of the weight and block all strikes until he got some room to attempt a counter attack.

Bro seemed to only find it more entertaining, and started to loudly mutter profanities at the both of them. I managed to hear something condescending about how Dirk was “so cute” for defending David the way he was. What shocked me more was the next verbal exchange.

“What? Jealous because you know that Dave would never jump in and defend your sorry ass?” Dirk practically hissed. I hadn’t heard him sound that fucking snide in a long time.

“Why the fuck would I need him to do that?” Bro came back with even more cocky venom.

“Maybe because you’re not nearly at strong as you want people to think you are, so you just lash the fuck out like you are right now. Taking your anger out on people who have nothing to do with whatever problem it is you’re having internally.” Dirk was really pushing himself out onto thin fucking ice with words like that. I had to wonder if he knew exactly what he was doing or if he was banking on me swooping in at some point. I still hadn’t figured out what the fuck his plan was.

For some reason this information only made Bro turn and scan the rooftop, apparently looking for me. As soon as he spotted me, I knew I was completely fucked. I couldn’t even think of what else to do but run, so I just started fucking booking it across the goddamn space, trying to get as far from the man who’d “raised me” as I possibly could.

“He’s already out, Bro!” Dirk practically fucking screamed.

That’s when the plan finally fucking clicked for me.

They completely misdirected his attention towards me so that they could regroup, whilst also giving me a chance to attack from the “sideline” since I wasn’t actually out at all.

“The fuck do you mean he’s out? Lil man’s still got his sword in his hand and not a single scratch on him.” For a guy who’d stopped running, he sure was talking like he was still going to attack me.

“I got him earlier, he’s just standby to jump in if anybody goes too far.” Dirk replied, much closer to the both of us now.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Bro seethed, whipping around to face the other half of the family.

‘Good job dude, you just made everything worse.’ I thought as I watched Bro become even more enraged than before. He charged at Dirk with a whole new fucking speed of flashstepping that I hadn’t actually seen before. One second he was about 15ft from me, and within the blink of an eye he was back across the rooftop and bringing his blade down in the direction of Dirk’s midsection. Thank hell the dude was expecting this reaction, otherwise we’d abso-fucking-lutely be visiting the ER for the big eve.

Right as I began to wonder where the fuck D had wandered off to, he appeared behind Bro, countering with a swing so fast that he’d straight up have to flashstep to avoid it or even block. Dirk and D had always sort of been like that, silently working in tandem without missing a single beat. They had some kind of genuine unspoken communication that I’d definitely never be able to achieve with Bro in my worst nightmares or wildest dreams. Nor would I want to. The guy was fucking awful.

Despite the apparent stalemate, Bro still managed to squeeze out of the ploy with nothing more than a small gash in the shoulder of his stupid white polo. His retaliation came with a violent scream that would more than likely have the residents of the building calling the cops. We had to wrap this shit up fast. Bro started hacking away with blind fury, sloppy to the point that it almost looked like his sword was dragging him around. Dirk and D dodged it all with relative ease, because once Bro hit that point, all strategy went out the window. The downside was that when Bro didn’t have a strategy, he was working on pure predator instinct which meant his swings could be unpredictable in both speed and strength.

That of course, is how we wound up in the ER on yet another holiday. It was entertaining as fuck to watch Bro, once again, try to explain to the nurses and doctors how strifing on the roof was family tradition and “healthy emotional regulation”. They disagreed, per usual, and went about addressing the nasty gash to Dirk’s neck. Luckily it wasn’t too deep and didn’t damage anything vital, just needed some stitches and a hell of a lot of careful resting.

Needless to say I’d had to jump in and help restrain Bro before the cops made it to the roof landing. We didn’t need some sort of attempted homicide charge on this holiest of jesus days. Especially on top of all the other issues we’d be having for the rest of the holiday.

Then there was the arrival of one Jake English in the fucking ER to top it all off. Nothing was more unnecessarily over the top than that dude when it came to Dirk’s wellbeing. I found him bargaining with the receptionist rather loudly, trying to get in to see Dirk.

“You’re going to let me back there or my name isn’t Jacob Theodore English! Let me see him!”

“Sir, please calm down. I can’t permit you admission without more information.” The receptionist deadpanned, apparently used to this sort of schtick.

“Dirk Geromy Strider. Let me in to see him.” Jake demanded in a calmer, but still very loud tone.

“Ok, and what is the relation, may I ask? He’s only accepting priority visitors at the moment.”

“Trust me! I’m a blasted priority! If you’d be so kind as to tell me what room he’s in I’ll be out of your hair much faster.” Jake threw on a charming smile, which would have given anyone whiplash what with him being rude and demanding only moments earlier.

The woman reaches under her desk and raises an eyebrow at him. “Please don’t make me call security.”

“Fine, fine. You need more than that? I’m his damn boyfriend. Is that enough relation for you? Do you need all the godforsaken details? We have se-”

“OKAY. Hey Jake, buddy, why don’t you come with me. So sorry about him.” I say, interrupting him because I knew exactly where he was about to take that and it wasn’t anything this poor receptionist needed to hear.

“You know this guy?” She asks, even more skeptical.

“Yeah, he’s my bro’s boyfriend. Practically family. I’ll show him to the room.” I try to sound assuring.

“If you say so.” And just like that the woman waved us off.

“I could’ve handled that you know.” Jake says as he jaunts down the hall beside me. I roll my eyes behind my shades.

“I’m sure that Dirk would kill you twice over if you managed to get kicked out of a hospital on christmas eve.” I say flatly.

Jake just scratches the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly as if he was well aware that he would’ve been kicked out. No offense to Jake or to Dirk for his taste, but this guy was kind of an idiot sometimes. Most of the time.

We stop outside the door and Jake hesitates. For a guy ready to tear the hospital board by board, he sure was taking his sweet time now. Dude really needed to learn to stop barging into places if he didn’t have the nerve to back up his words.

“How bad is it?” He’s twiddling his thumbs and hanging his head and it looks so fucking cartoonish, it’s almost laughable.

“Dude he’s fucking fine. Totally minor. Cosmetic wound, couple stitches. Stop being a wad of chewed gum and get in there.”

“A what now?”

“Unimportant. Open the door, Jake.” I say firmly.

“Alright alright, cripes you lot sound the same when you’re bossy, you know.” He sort of mumbles it, but there’s still no way I wouldn’t have heard it.

I don’t follow him into the room, opting to let him and Dirk have their moment. Instead I walk down the hall and decide to give Karkat a call. He deserves to know, even if I’m not the one injured. It rings three times before he picks up.

“YEAH GIVE ME A GODDAMN MINUTE!” Comes his lovely voice and I’ve never been happier to hear him shouting. After the nightmarish holiday I’ve been having, his voice is like a balm that’s working its way into my nerves and settling them back down. “Sorry Dave, what’s up?”

“Oh uh, how’s your christmas eve going?” I ask simply, wondering if I can just brush it off as a normal conversation.

“.... It’s going fine. Did you just call to catch up, because no offense, but we can do this after the whole thing is over. You don’t have to call and check in every day.”

“Nah, you’re right. It’s cool. I just ... ” I trailed off.

“Everything alright?” His voice sounds so concerned that I crack a little.

“Well … I’m fine. So before you go off the deep end, just keep that in mind. But uh, … so I’m at the hospital right now.”

“THE HOSPITAL?” Karkat screams in my ear.

“Babe, please calm down. I told you I’m fine.”

“IF YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL, THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY FINE TO ME DAVE.”

“I’m not the one we’re here for, it’s really ok.”

That seems to shut him up well enough for me to fully explain. I tell him about how the strife on the roof went and why we’re here.

“How’s Dirk doing then?” Karkat asks, seeming genuinely concerned.

“He’s fine. Irritated at himself because he sees it as a fuck up on his part, but he’ll get over it once he can get the stitches out.” Knowing him as well as I do, he may not even forgive himself after that point, but that guy's moods were of course a case by case basis.

“That’s good I guess … How are you handling it?”

“Karks he’s not fuckin dying. I’m totally fine with all this. Though I did have to stop Jake from getting his sorry ass kicked out of the hospital lobby.” I let out a chuckle and run a hand through my hair as I lean against one of the immaculate halls.

“Sounds like you’ve really got your hands full.”

“Yeah… I bet your christmas eve has been a hell of a lot nicer.”

“If you can count Kankri reciting every single biblical christmas story from memory as a nice time, then yeah, sure, it’s been fucking superb.” I didn’t have to see him to know that Karkat just rolled his eyes at the end of that sentence. He definitely did.

“That bad then?”

“Well you’re rescuing me from it for the moment, so I guess it could always be worse…”

There’s a silence on the line that I use to just kinda soak in how much I’ve missed him. I also think for a second on how different things could have been if we’d opted to spend the holiday together, but I know it won’t change a thing. Time is unfortunately linear for poor human bastards like us.

“So uh, I guess that’s all I really had to update you on…” I finish lamely. I want to keep him on the line but I know that we both agreed not to take away from family time for this. For us being sappy and clingy.

“Yeah? You don’t wanna go into bloody details about the wound, or make some fucked up pun about Dirk ‘losing his head’?” Karkat goads, and I can’t help but fucking grin. He knows me too damn well.

“How did I not think of that? You. You’re a genius, good sir.” I wave a finger at him, as if he could actually see it through the goddamn phone.

“Good sir? What fucking century is this?” He scoffs.

“You’re right, I should go back to calling you dude and bro, making sure the no-homo is fully implied.” Completely sarcastic.

“YOU CAN’T JUST NO HOMO ME AT THIS POINT!” And with his outraged screaming, I fucking lose it. I break out into a full fucking cackle-laugh right there in the hospital hallway.

“H-holy fucking shit ahaha Karkat pfft, jesus christ, I’m not going to actually- goddamn you really thought I was gonna no homo you after all we’ve been through and done?”

“Dave…” His tone comes out as an embarrassed warning, and I just know he knows where I’m leading this.

“After all we’ve done Karkat? After the bleachers at the football game? And the night after thanksgiving? More sleepovers than I can count on two hands? I couldn’t just no homo you now. We’re beyond full homo territory. You’ve even seen my-”

“DAVE I SWEAR TO GOD!”

“What? I was gonna say bare chest.”

“Oh I’m so fucking sure.” His sarcasm is heavy.

“I don’t show my pecs to just anyone. What kind of gentleman do you take me for?” I threw on my best old-timey accent for effect.

“Gentleman isn’t the word I would use.”

“Rude!”

“You’re gotta sit there and tell me I’m fucking wrong?”

I went silent for a long moment.

“Exactly.” He sounded so goddamn smug.

I opened my mouth to say something more but the click from the door of Dirk’s room down the hall caught my attention. A doctor was stepping in to check on him, presumably for discharge.

“What? Speechless now?”

“No. I uh, I think we’re about to head home finally.”

“Oh. Well, have a safe trip then, and no more near-beheadings ok?”

“Oh for sure. Chrimmas Strife already happened, so we should be in the clear from here on out.”

“I’m sorry but did you just fucking stutter, or did you intentionally mispronounce Christmas?”

“Irony babe.” I see the doctor leave and Bro follows. D is hovering in the doorway and I already know he’s waiting for Dirk to catch up. What I don’t expect next is to see Dirk being carried out bridal style by one love-struck and pacified Jake English. “We’re heading out now though. I’ll text you, ok?”

“Okay …" He hesitates. "Hey Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.” He says in what might be the softest most affectionate voice I’ve heard from him yet. Then he makes a little kissy noise into the phone and I can’t fucking help my goofy grin.

“Merry Christmas, Karkat.” I do my best attempt at returning the smooch noise but it comes out a little exaggerated and just a tad too loud. I manage to not get too embarrassed about that though.

I end the call just before I hear Bro shout from down the hall “HAH GAAAYY!” like some kind of immature middle-schooler.

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

To say that I was missing my boyfriend like hell would be an understatement. Driving home on the 26th was the easy part. It was the waiting around for the rest of the fucking day, since work didn’t pick back up until the 29th. What the fuck was I expected to do all goddamn day? I’d only been at my Dads place like an hour away. I didn’t fucking come back from a vacation overseas with an insurmountable amount of travel time and jet lag. There wasn’t really anything for me to unpack. My only clean up was the shit that Eridan refused to take care of, also known as the mess that Mawkin had knocked out of the cupboards.

I knew that logically Dave probably had a lot more shit to take care of than me, and it’d be kind of rude of me to just message and demand that we meet up early. I just fucking missed him, and I was eager as hell to give him his gift. I was only slightly worried he wouldn’t like it, but the thought was buried under the fact that even if he hated it, he’d wear it for the irony. Besides, I had a backup idea just in case he absolutely loathed what I got him.

I decided to spend the majority of the evening lying on the couch with Mawkin in my lap, just watching netflix and zoning out for 90% of whatever I put on. Eridan had left almost immediately when I got back, something about going to Sollux’s place for the rest of the weekend. Which honestly, was perfect timing because there was no way Dave wasn’t going to spend the night tomorrow night.

By the time 6pm rolled around I was fucking bored out of my mind and I finally had to cave.

CG: HEY

I didn’t expect him to respond really, and was more than ready to spam his phone. But surprisingly, it showed he was online and typing.

TG: sup babe

CG: SHIT I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D BE ONLINE.

TG: whys that

CG: BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU’D HAVE A LOT OF CLEANING TO DO AND SHIT LIKE THAT

CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW

TG: nah

TG: i think were mostly trap free now

TG: ive checked the whole place over four times

TG: should be ok

CG: UH

CG: TRAP FREE?

CG: PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S A FIGURE OF SPEECH

TG: nah

TG: dont worry

TG: ill explain tomorrow

CG: OK

CG: SO IF YOUR CLEANING IS DONE, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

TG: just drawing

TG: hanging out

TG: what about you

TG: having a nice rest after all that storytelling and enforced no cursing policy

CG: I GUESS YEAH

CG: I’VE BEEN LAYING ON THE COUCH FOR LIKE … 5 HOURS NOW

CG: MAWKIN FELL ASLEEP IN MY LAP

TG: sounds like a nice time

I could already tell by his flat tone that he was holding something back. Dave was getting a hell of a lot easier to read.

CG: YEAH …

TG: yeah

CG: OK CHARADE ASIDE ARE YOU JUST AS FUCKING BORED AS I AM RIGHT NOW?

TG: god yeah

TG: so fucking bored

TG: the house has been clear for like two hours

TG: im going out of my mind

TG: i finished up a bunch of sketches

TG: played around with some tracks for a minute but just wasnt feelin it

TG: im basically out of things to do

TG: your message saved me from the cruel grip of boredom which would surely be followed by death himself

TG: you saved me from the grim reaper karkat

TG: you’re my hero

CG: DAVE …

CG: FIRST OF ALL THAT WAS SO FUCKING DRAMATIC JESUS CHRIST

CG: SECONDLY, I’VE BEEN STARING OFF INTO SPACE FOR FUCKING HOURS

CG: YOU LITERALLY COULD HAVE MESSAGED ME AT ANY POINT AND I’D BE MORE THAN FUCKING HAPPY TO TALK TO YOU

CG: HELL YOU COULD EVEN COME OVER TONIGHT IF YOU WANTED

TG: dont say that unless you mean it

TG: dont think for a second i wont pack my shit up right now and skate on over

TG: please tell me you arent joking

CG: I MEAN

CG: IF YOU WANT TO, THEN YES. PLEASE.

CG: WE COULD DO GIFTS TONIGHT TOO IF THAT’S PREFERABLE

TG: definitely

CG: YOU’RE GETTING YOUR STUFF TOGETHER ALREADY AREN’T YOU?

TG: how could you tell

CG: YOU OF ALL PEOPLE NEVER TAKE THREE WHOLE MINUTES TO TYPE A SINGLE WORD

CG: IF ANYTHING I’M USED TO YOU RAPIDLY FIRING OFF SIX MESSAGES IN THE SPAN OF 0.5 SECONDS

CG: ELABORATE METAPHORS AND SARCASM AT FULL CAPACITY

TG: apologies

TG: ill be there in ten

CG: TEN?

CG: DAVE IT’S NORMALLY A FIFTEEN MINUTE SKATE FOR YOU

CG: HOW FUCKING FAST ARE YOU GOING?

CG: DAVE?

After five minutes of radio silence, it hit me that it didn’t matter if he told me how fast he was going or what shortcuts he was taking, because he’d literally be here in about five minutes.

I wasn’t fucking ready.

I jumped up from the couch, much to Mawkin’s disappointment, and ran to my room. I wasn’t about to just answer the door in fluffy pajama pants and one of the ugliest christmas sweaters I owned. My fucking hair was a mess too, but there was no time to fix that. I threw on some solid black sweats that tapered at the ankles and an oversized light grey knit sweater that tended to slip off my shoulder. Infinitely better. At least then I could look cutely tousled instead of a literal nightmare hot mess of bullshit.

Next issue. I shuffled to the bathroom and brushed my teeth because fuck knows I forgot to earlier that morning, and I wasn’t about to kiss him with dragon breath. In the midst of scrubbing my chompers, I hear a meow from the living room that can only mean trouble. I walk out, brush in mouth, and Mawkin is perched on the windowsill. Just sitting there, screaming his little head off, gazing at the parking lot. Jesus Christ. I really didn’t have time to deal with him right now.

I went back to the bathroom to spit and rinse. Forgive me, dentists of the world, but there wouldn’t be time for flossing today. Fucking sue me. I ran back to my bedroom to pull Dave’s gift out from the top shelf in my closet. I was eternally grateful that I’d thought to wrap it when I’d wrapped all the shit for my family. There was no way I’d be able to throw that shit together when he could be at my door any second now.

Deciding where to set the damn gift down in the living room was a whole new challenge in and of itself, since Mawkin seemed intent on figuring out just what the hell I had in my hands. Nothing unusual there, though. It was just really fucking annoying. I wound up setting it on the kitchen counter.

That’s when the doorbell rang.

I realized my netflix was still up, and all but dove from the kitchen to the living room to turn the fucking TV off. I couldn’t remember the title of the film I’d picked, but it sure as hell had to be some kind of sappy romcom bullshit that Dave would no doubt poke fun at me for.

The doorbell rang at least six times more in quick succession, like Dave was just jamming the fucking button.

“GIVE ME A SECOND, GODDAMN.” I scream as I go to get the door.

As soon as it’s open, I don’t even get a second to take him in. He drops everything that he’s carrying right there in the entryway, cups my face with both of his freezing cold hands, and kisses me hard.

The squeak that comes out of my mouth is the most embarrassing one I think I’ve ever made in my life. Yet somehow I manage to collect myself enough to kiss back.

“Fuck I missed you.” He pants heavily against my lips when he pulls away for air.

“Hello to you t-” I’m cut off by another harsh kiss. Dave mumbles something that sounds like “minty” against my lips, but it’s hard to tell what it is. Regardless, I swell with mirth and kiss back just as fiercely.

His hands snake around my waist and pull me closer to him. He sucks my bottom lip in between his, catching it with his teeth, and I fucking whimper into his mouth. Unfair. I have my hands resting on his shoulders, a weak protest, because the door is still fucking open and it’s goddamn cold outside. When he finally releases my lips for another moment of breath, I make a point to tell him as such.

“Fuckin cold. Inside. Now.” Eloquent as ever, Karkat. Way to go.

He lets go of me just long enough to pick his things up and come fully inside the apartment. I glance around to make sure Mawkin didn’t make a fucking run for it. He was in the entryway, trying to get at whatever the fuck was in Dave’s bags. Nosy little shit. Thankfully he follows Dave further into the apartment when he comes in.

Mawkin nearly gets squashed by the bags, because Dave literally just drops them on the floor once the door is closed behind him. I bark out a laugh and turn my head in time to watch my idiot cat sprint through the house and away from the ‘offensive’ sound that startled him.

“Hey.” Dave pulls my face back towards him gently and I can’t help the deer in the headlights look I give him. He chuckles and moves in closer for yet another kiss. I close my eyes and wait, but he hovers just centimeters away. Another moment passes before I start to wonder what he’s up to so I open my eyes again.

He’s just standing there looking at me with this soft expression that makes my heart do a metaphorical backflip in my chest.

“What?” I ask, feeling my face getting redder by the second.

“Just taking in the details. All the stuff I missed.” As soon as those words leave his mouth they punch me in the chest and nestle in to fill all the empty spaces that I didn’t know were there. I have no idea how to react to that. What the fuck do you say in response to something that saccharine and sincere?

I end up just stuttering and blushing even more. For some reason this asshole just chuckles at me and backs up, letting me flail. I go from flustered to embarrassed, then to grumpy in the blink of an eye. I put a hand on his chest and push him back, half playful and half out of frustration.

“Ouch. Karks that hurts.” He whines, being over dramatic as hell. “I compliment you and you push me away?”

“You fucking laughed in my face, asswipe.” I deadpan, trying not to grit my teeth.

Suddenly he’s dead serious. “Oh shit. I didn’t mean it like that. Karkat. Fuck. I just thought you looked really cute with your cheeks all blushy.” He even pushes his shades up into his hair. “I’m really sorry babe. I did mean what I said, but I promise I wasn’t laughing at you.”

Damn Dave and his stupid fucking pretty eyes, and the way he somehow manages to still look handsome with his bangs pushed back by his idiotic fucking sunglasses. How does he even manage to make that look okay? Impossible. But here he is doing the fucking impossible, without even putting any effort into it. Handsome bastard.

“Fine, let’s just do presents, yeah?” My words come out a lot softer than I’d wanted them to, and it gives away just how quickly I forgave him.

“Definitely. Do you want me to go first? Or same time? How are we gonna do this?” Dave goes to grab one of his bags from the floor.

“We can do them at the same time if you want. That way we don’t get that awkward pressure bullshit moment of watching the other open their gift?” It honestly seemed like the least embarrassing way to go about it.

“Works for me.” He shuffled through his bag and pulled out some surprisingly well-wrapped gifts. For a brief second I was worried about the number, but I trusted that he stayed in the price limit we’d discussed a while back.

I grabbed Dave’s gift bag off the kitchen counter and moved it to the coffee table, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat next to me. Dave plopped down, gifts in his lap. We swap packages, and he stares at me for a moment apparently waiting for some kind of countdown or permission.

“Ready?” I ask.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” He nods, hand on the tissue paper but not actually starting. I roll my eyes and start to tear at the paper of the gift he got me.

I get the paper off the first package, a box that when I flip it over to look at the front has the character that’s fueled so many fucking internet memes. He got me the first 100 episodes of fucking Spongebob. I can’t tell whether to laugh or be truly terrified. He knows we could have just found this online somewhere but he really went out of his way to get this shit on dvd for me. I’m touched, but I still have another gift to open.

The second one isn’t a solid shape and it crinkles a little when I pick it up and move it around. I peel the paper off a little more carefully because I don’t want to risk fucking up whatever this is. As soon as I see the little packets of hot chocolate I’m sold and I know that my gift will not be enough to repay him. Fully unwrapped, this is a small gift set that has a candle, chocolates, hot cocoa, and a bath bomb. He got me all of this and I got him- well. I glance over at him and of course he’s already wearing it.

My gift to Dave was the gaudiest holiday hat that I could possibly fucking find. It’s shaped like a christmas tree, towering at least five inches above his head. At the very top is a small branch that hangs forward with mistletoe on it. It makes no fucking sense and it’s glittery and the tree is decorated with bulbs and lights that don’t actually light up. It’s so fucking stupid, but he’s grinning like it’s the best thing in the fucking world. I cannot believe he put that monstrosity on his head for real. I want to take a picture, because wow I can’t believe the horrible and yet somehow endearing sight before my eyes.

Then I remember that it just does not fucking measure up to the sweet, thoughtful, sincere gift that Dave got me. I fucking knew this would happen. Good thing I had a backup plan. Not that the plan was anything super fucking sentimental. It was honestly just a really shitty joke that plays back to when we met. It’s just another ironic thing that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to actually succumb to giving him. I can only imagine the thorough fucking roasting I’m setting myself up for by deciding I am in fact going to have to give this to him.

Dave pulls me out of my mental monologue by poking me in the cheek. I look up at him, somewhat startled, and give a sort of angry pout.

“Shit, you’re so cute.” He says, mostly to himself.

I ignore him in favor of grumbling “I have one more gift for you.”

“Alright?” He looks confused, as he should be, and relaxes back into the couch.

“Wait here.” I say, then proceed to trip over the coffee table in my attempt to stand up.

“Karks what the-?”

“Just wait! You got me nice stuff so wait.” I round the corner and dip into my room to find the other present that I’d stashed for him. This one isn’t wrapped yet, so I have to stuff it in a leftover gift bag and pretend like the lack of tissue paper doesn’t bother me.

Mawkin follows me back out to the living room this time, emerging from his hiding place in the bathroom and trying to wind between my legs as I walk.

“Why didn’t you just-” Dave starts.

“Just open it.” I sit back down on the couch and watch, biting the inside of my cheek because god this is going to be so embarrassing but hopefully so worth it.

Dave glances in the bag, looks at me and then back inside. He does not reach in.

“What is it?”

“Oh my fucking god. Strider, open the gift.” I groan. I almost regret doing this shit in this order, because it’s awkward and nerve wrecking as fuck to watch someone open a gift you got them.

Dave picks up the cloth and holds it up, backwards I might add.

“A black t-shirt?”

“Dave for fucks sake, flip it around before I shove it down your throat.” There’s a bit of a bite to my words, but I know that he knows it’s got no real venom behind it.

His face lights up even more and the sight would be damn worth it if it weren’t at the expense of my pride. I want to run back to my room and hole up there and never come out. This is clearly the most embarrassing moment of my life.

“So you cave then?”

“WHAT?” I shout, eyes shooting wider than they’ve probably ever been. He can’t be fucking serious.

“You admit you’re into this?” Dave is smirking and it really shouldn’t be as endearing as it is. Especially when he’s fucking wrong.

“I AM FUCKING NOT!” I literally scream. “It’s a fucking joke Dave, you can’t really think I’m serious.”

He gets up from the couch and starts taking his current shirt off. I just roll my eyes and politely look elsewhere while he changes in the middle of the goddamn living room like it’s no big fucking deal. Like it’s middle school all over again and my living room has become the boys locker room, before anyone knew what the fuck Axe body spray was. Basically a war zone for a younger me and his budding sexuality, but that’s beside the point.

I don’t realize I’m zoning out until Dave sits down next to me on the couch and the movement pulls me back to the moment. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and he’s absolutely grinning from ear to ear.

“How’s it look, babe?”

I give a full turn of my head, just to amuse him. Pausing to take in the image of Dave Strider sitting on my couch in a black t-shirt emblazoned with white lettering that says ‘I’m Daddy’ across the chest. The look is garnished with the ridiculous mistletoe hat and his shades, making it the wildest fucking look I may have ever seen despite living with a drag queen.

“It looks like you’re wearing a t shirt with a very dumb inside joke on it, that would have people assuming wild kinky shit about us.” My voice comes out so much more deadpan than I mean it to and he just cackles.

“Oh come on baby boy, you know I’d only wear this shirt when the occasion permits.”

I want to believe him, but the way he still looks smug and smarmy says all my doubts are justified.

“When the occasion permits? So what I’m hearing is that you’re going to wear it under every shirt ever, including your fucking wedding tux as if it’s your super suit? Or even worse, you’re suddenly going to invest in a bunch of patterned button down t-shirts and wear that under them every single day with all the buttons undone. Lookin like some kind of tiktok eboy or something.”

“You say that like it’s a crime.” Dave defends.

“Do I look like a fucking cop?” I deadpan. He pauses a beat too long there and I sigh. “Ok you know what? Don’t answer that.”

The room is quiet for maybe a whopping 20 seconds before Dave speaks up again.

“Hey, Karkat?”

“What?” I don’t mean it to sound as snappy as it does.

“Merry Christmas.” He says, leaning over so that we’re caught under his mistletoe branch from hell.

“Merry Christmas asshole.” I lean up to give him the fastest peck on the cheek probably ever, and the offended look on his face is so worth it. Dave Strider, pouting right before my eyes.

“Is that all that daddy gets?” He dips his voice even lower and I can tell he’s trying to be serious, but with his current fucking attire I can’t help but laugh. It bubbles out like an oversoaped dishwasher, and it’s likely as disastrous because Dave seems very unamused by my giggles.

“I. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. That fucking hat. Ohmygod.” I break into an absolute fucking fit of cackling.

“Well I like it, but if it’s that funny, then here.” Dave proceeds to not only take off the hat but take off his shades and he looks me dead in the eye. Suddenly I am not laughing anymore. I’m not even able to process coherent thought other than “holy shit holy shit holy shit” on repeat. It isn’t the first time I’m seeing his eyes, but looking at them never gets old. That feeling combined with the way he’s looking at me is sending a shiver down my spine.

His lips are moving again, but I’ll be damned if I’m hearing or comprehending any of it at the moment. He raises an eyebrow at me and when my brain finally turns back on enough to know what that expression means, I realize he’s asked me a question and I missed all of it entirely.

“Fuck! What?” He rolls his eyes at me but smiles.

“I said, can I have a real kiss now, or is my attire still too offensive?”

“Yes- I mean! No! Christ, just fucking kiss me.” I fumble, but manage to grip the front of his shirt and pull him to me.

Dave seems a little shocked at first, but kisses back quickly enough. He slips his hand up to cup my cheek and I melt into the touch. Sometimes this asshole is just so goddamn tender and I don’t know what to do with myself when that happens. Every time he moves like he’s going to pull away I pull him right back, wrapping my arms around his neck and trying to savor every last second that his lips are on mine. So I’m a little obsessed with kissing my boyfriend, fucking arrest me.

Naturally we devolve into making out, his hands in my hair, fingers tangling with my untamed curls. I don’t know when he managed, but Dave has also made himself at home between my thighs, so that if he pulled me any closer, I’d be straddling him. The next time we come up for air, he places soft kisses along my jaw before mouthing his way down to my neck. I tilt my head back and to the side on instinct, my hands slipping down his chest and around to his back. I grab two fistfulls of his shirt, lightly scratching him in the process. I open my mouth to apologize, but am stunned silent when he groans softly in my ear.

If the evening continued the way it was going, neither of us would be getting out of this without a handful of marks from the other. I was more than okay with that though. In fact the list of things I was okay with at this moment was astronomically long.

Dave made his way down to my collarbone and was busy leaving a little string of very light hickies. I bit my lip and tried to keep down any small sounds that threatened to tumble out unpermitted. One small problem with my method: I was also holding my breath. When I finally breathed out, the word ‘harder’ was whispered with it desperately. My own fucking brain and my own goddamn body, betraying me in a single breath. I’d never felt so embarrassed and so full of self loathing before in my entire fucking life.

I feel Dave smirk against my skin and I know I’m in for it now.

“What was that baby?” His voice rumbles in my ear, and I can’t even begin to explain how inexplicably mad I am that it’s kind of fucking hot.

“Nothing!” I practically growl out through gritted teeth.

“Karkat, what did you ask for?” He leans back to look me in the eye, and lifts a hand up to cup my chin and pad at my bottom lip with his thumb.

I hold his gaze with a glare, too goddamn stubborn to repeat something that I didn’t mean to say in the first place. He smirks and shakes his head just a little.

“Fine then.” He moves to lay between my legs now, pressing us chest to chest and resting his head on my shoulder.

“What does that mean?” I sputter, not expecting him to cave so easily. He doesn’t speak again, instead pressing soft little kisses and nips to the side of my neck, nothing hard enough to leave any marks, just teasing me. I freeze for a bit, still wondering if he’s going to pull something sneaky, but he persists, gentle as ever. I slowly relax into him, eventually lolling my head back against the arm of the couch and closing my eyes.

Then he starts shifting against me. It’s not super noticeable at first, but as it turns into a slow grind I realize exactly what he’s doing. He’s got me pinned. I’m absolutely being punished and I can’t find it in me to be mad about it when it feels so goddamn nice. Once more I find myself biting my lip in an attempt to stay quiet and it holds for a good deal longer this time. Or at least I think it does? Time is hard to keep track of when your boyfriend is alternating between placing feather light kisses all across your neck and sucking harshly at the skin, nipping you in the process. Not to mention the way he’s moving his fucking hips, holy shit. I’m a weak man and if this were my purgatory, I’d be just fucking fine staying here forever.

Eventually Dave does get me to break again though, this time instead of saying anything I just let out a weak moan. Thank fucking shit for that. I don’t know what I would have done if I had embarrassed myself a second fucking time begging for things without my own explicit permission. I can feel him smirk against my skin but he doesn’t move other than that. He gets a few more moans out of me, and somehow reduces me to a puddle of writhing need underneath him. That’s when I break.

“Dave?” I try, but holy fuck my voice sounds so small and broken and needy.

“What’s up, babe?” He asks, lifting his head to look at me and wow, he just looks absolutely stunning. Not that he doesn’t normally, but there’s something about his slightly messy hair and the way his lips look from working on my neck that has me feelin some extra kinda way.

My brain sputters and it takes me a second to remember what the fuck I was going to even say.

“Mmm, dn wn d is n hu couch” Is all that comes out. And honestly it was every bit as fucking slurred as it looks.

“What was that?”

“I uh, I don’t wanna do this on the couch?” I try again, my voice finally fucking cooperating to a degree that’s coherent.

“Oh shit, that’s right. You mentioned that last time. I-” He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, leaving me fixated on his every little motion. “Sorry, did you wanna take this to your room then?”

“God yeah.” I say just a little too fast to not sound eager. Dave cracks another grin and it’s too fucking charming. I wanna kiss it off his face. I also just really want to fucking kiss him in general because at this point my neck has been spoiled and my lips are feeling a little left out of the equation.

“Want me to carry you, baby?” The tone he uses is teasing and playful, and it wedges my mortification in just a little further on the fact that he’s still fucking wearing that stupid shirt.

“I can fucking walk, thank you very much.”

“Ooh. Sassy. You wanna get spanked tonight, baby boy?” Dave asks while crawling off of me. I groan out of pure frustration and he chuckles.

“Don’t even fucking think-” I start through gritted teeth. I carefully place my gifts back in their bag before standing up fully and following Dave towards the hall.

“Oho, so you are into that? Naughty boy, Karkat.”

“Shut up and get the fuck into my room before I carry you there.”

Dave mumbles something that I don’t catch much of other than the word “brat”. I hop up, knee him in the ass, and he nearly trips through the doorway to my room. We both bust up laughing and he stumbles onto the bed, arms bracing himself and bent over the edge.

I can tell this is gonna be good.

Chapter Text

“Oh would you look at how the tables have turned?” He asks, looking over his shoulder at me and wiggling his eyebrows. I roll my eyes at him and crawl up onto my bed, past him, and to the frame where I lay back on the pillows with my arms behind my head.

“You really think it’d be that fucking easy to entice me?” I ask, raising a brow at him as he stares up at me, chin in his hands. “Just bending over and I’d be sold, just like that?”

“Never. You’re definitely a tough cookie to crack.” He says it with so much sarcasm that I just can’t resist the urge to roll my eyes at him. He’s still wiggling his ass in the air though, like he’s just enjoying himself all on his own.

“Are you going to stay like that all night or are you going to fucking come here and finish what you started?” I gesture vaguely towards my pants tent, that he very fucking much caused.

“Shit, yeah. I’m absolutely here for that, babe.” He gets up and kicks the door shut before crawling back onto the bed and stalking towards me on his hands and knees, like he’s attempting to be some sexy version of a jungle cat. Honestly it’s really hot to watch, even if the logical parts of my brain tell me that it really fucking shouldn’t be. Dave is so ridiculous, but damn if he doesn’t make it work for him. He stops once he’s completely over me, nose to nose. He runs a cautious hand down my side, from my ribcage to my hip, digging his thumb into the “love handle” space there and squeezing. I do my best to hold back the little sound that tries to scramble its way out of my throat, but just like every other time today so far, I lose that particular battle.

“What do you want me to do, Karkat?” He dips his voice low and sultry and he’s looking right into my eyes. Christ he really is just pushing all my fucking buttons.

“Kiss me, you ass.” I bark out without thinking. I see him smile for maybe a fraction of a second, before he just leans in the rest of the way and complies with my request. I know it’s beyond cliche to compare a kiss to being deprived of water in the desert, but fuck it. After how long he had his lips anywhere but on mine, it really was a fucking relief. I wrap my arms around his back, and pull his body closer. I really don’t fucking care if he ends up laying on top of me and crushing me right now. I just want to feel him against me again.

Dave seems to feel the same, because he just lets it happen and adjusts his arms so he can start bodily grinding against me. That’s when it occurs to me that Dave is just as fucking hard as I am right now. How in the hell I missed that on the couch is a mystery, but damn I definitely notice it now.

I dig my nails into the back of his shirt a little and push my body upwards to meet him, move for move. He groans against my lips and in that moment I swear it’s the hottest fucking sound I’ve ever heard. I take the opportunity to slip my tongue past his lips, and he immediately meets it with his own.

The next thing I know it’s just really fucking warm. It’s hot. There is too much fucking heat, and if I don’t start losing layers I’m going to sweat to death. I slide my hands under Dave’s shirt and start hiking it up higher until he catches on. He pulls away panting and lifts the “Daddy” shirt over his head. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been more relieved to see any piece of clothing land on my fucking floor in my life. I cross my arms at my waist, moving to pull my sweater off, and Dave slips his hands under and up, sort of helping but mostly just feeling my chest up. Can’t really complain because his hands anywhere right now is extremely welcome and incredibly satisfying.

My brain lingers for a quick second over being insecure about him touching my fucking sweaty gross chest, but I quickly realize that I just don’t care. Intimacy was never about staying clean and pristine. My body arches up into his touch, and I let out the tiniest whine. I want him against me again.

“Pants.” Dave says suddenly, throwing me completely off track. The best response I can come up with is adamant nodding and a fumbled attempt at undoing my own button. He slips off the side of the bed for a moment and removes his own jeans. Honestly I’m really fucking glad for that, and a little bit mad at how smart that is. Instead, I slide my sweatpants off with my legs almost straight in the air, and in any other context I’d look fucking ridiculous. Honestly even in this context, it’s still probably ridiculous. It’s also a struggle and the longer it takes me to get my ankles out of the cuffs at the bottom, the more frustrated and embarrassed I get.

Dave catches my attention by letting out a soft chuckle. I drop my half-clothed legs back on the bed and cover my face with my hands, accepting defeat.

“Help me.” I mumble from behind my hands.

“I’ve got you babe.” He says, crawling back onto the bed and helping me with what’s normally the easiest fucking thing in the goddamn world. Once my sweats are off, he moves back up to hover over me, and gently pries my hands from my face. I can tell that I’m blushing just a bit, but instead of owning that, I sneer at him and frown.

“Aw come on Karks, don’t be like that. It was cute! And it happens sometimes.” I hate that he’s so reassuring because it actually fucking helps me stop being so embarrassed. He has such a natural fucking knack of placating me.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“It’s okay to laugh at yourself sometimes you know, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Ugh! I know! Can we talk about this some time when my dick isn’t fucking throbbing, please?” I whine, once again wondering where the hell my verbal filter went. The amused look on Dave’s face is well worth it though.

“How far do you want to take this tonight?” The way he asks it is so fucking soft. I just wanna kiss him again, but I know this needs a real response. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head, so I can be sure I’m giving him an accurate answer.

“I want you, Dave.” And he looks at me expectantly, like he needs more explanation than that. “All of you. I want this.” I press my hips up to his, in attempts at articulating the last word there. Somehow I manage to pull that off, and the way his eyes blow wide before sliding shut is just stunning to watch.

“Ohkay, fuck. I want you too.” The way he groans his words out sends a jolt down my spine. I pull him back down to me, grinding against him, now with only boxers between us.

I lean up to whisper in his ear, because at this point I cannot fucking take all this teasing, and I’m not about to cream my pants again. “Well come on then, fuckboy. You gonna plow me or not?”

“Shit, yeah. Definitely! Yes. Lube?” It was clear he was mentally reduced to fragments now, but it was still endearing.

“Top drawer of the nightstand.”

He moves to get up again and I whine at the loss, despite it essentially being my fault that he had to get up in the first place. He whistles when he opens the drawer and I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Somebody restocked since last time.”

“What the fuck are you t-”

“You bought condoms?” He picks one up and holds it up for me to see, as if saying it out loud would not be proof enough of my own purchase. “Were you planning this?”

“No! I just- wanted to be prepared for when we did get around to it.” I grumble, immediately defensive.

“Mhmm.” He just smirks at me, grabs the lube bottle from the drawer, and leaves one of the condoms out. For some reason seeing that really let the reality settle in that my boyfriend was going to be fucking me tonight. It was exciting and also a bit nerve wracking at the same time. I close my eyes and take a couple deep breaths, partly to calm my dick a little but mostly to calm my nerves.

When I opened my eyes again, Dave’s boxers were missing. Honestly I shouldn’t have been fucking surprised. In a way, I was glad because it meant he wouldn’t have to get up again and leave me laying there. Regardless, it was still a bit of a shock, and not all in a bad way. This wasn’t my first time seeing him naked, but every time felt like a big experience somehow. Maybe I just really liked his dick that much, who fucking knows.

“You wanna prep yourself or do you want me to do it?” He’s back on the bed, hopefully for good this time, and he’s looking at me with this expression that’s hard to describe. All I know is that he clearly would like the chance to do it himself. That’s how it’s reading at least, and I’m hardly going to deny an offer like that when I’ve already embarrassed myself with my arms inflexibility once tonight.

Another thought that occurs to me is how fucking glad I am that I keep my ass clean in the first place. I got so into the habit of it after learning how to, that it was just second nature to remember to do that when I showered. My brain tries to run away with that, trying to convince me it would be much nicer if Dave ate my ass instead. But I wasn’t about to ask him to trust me that much for our first fucking time. Nor did I know if that was even something he’d be into. There was a lot to discuss and explore for future sexual shenanigans, but right now I needed to keep focused on the task at hand.

“Karkat?” He pulls me back to reality.

“Sorry. My imagination fucking hijacked the train. You can definitely do it for me, if you want. Let me just-” I push down my boxers and manage to get them off much more successfully than earlier with my pants. Dave’s eyes seem to immediately lock on to my dick, and I can’t even begin to describe how comforting it is to be so blatantly desired and wanted like that.

“It’s alright.” Dave takes my discarded boxers and tosses them on the floor with the rest of the clothes. “You’ll tell me if anything hurts or if you want to stop, right?”

“Fucking definitely. I think it’d be harder to get me to not tell you something like that.” I joke and he smiles back up at me.

I lay my head back and close my eyes, waiting for the sensation of his hands literally anywhere. Despite expecting it, I still jolt just a tiny bit when he puts his hands on my thighs. I let him gently pull my legs apart and blush a little, feeling vulnerable. I dare sneak a peek at my boyfriend, and his cheeks are just as pink as mine. His eyes are fixated on the view before him and he licks his lips. My brain absolutely slips off the tracks and back to that line of thought about him eating my ass.

“Hey babe, toss me a spare pillow?” Dave asks, ever so fucking polite.

I’m confused as to why but I do it anyway.

“Okay, now lift your hips for me?” And suddenly I get it and my heartbeat seems to pick up even more than it had been before. I comply and once the cushion is propped under my lower back, really fully putting all my junk on display for him, I start to feel a little more self conscious. I’m praying that he’s too focused on my body to notice my face, because it feels like it’s on fire.

The next thing that I feel is a soft breeze near my ass that absolutely has to be his breath. Then he fucking gently kisses each one of my asscheeks and I cannot fucking believe how gentle he’s being with me. He moves up and starts kissing at my thighs and my legs fucking shake. It’s completely unfair that he can find those spots that fast. That he can get me quaking just from a few well placed kisses.

I’d always sort of had this mental narrative that we’d have to learn each other in every way. This feels like Dave was given some sort of body map, and it’s absolutely the furthest thing from fair. It’s like he’s cheating but he doesn’t even fucking know it, and he’s still just being so fucking soft about everything.

Dragging his fingertips over my body, feather light touches and general exploration followed by equally light kisses. It’s all so fucking soft. So fucking tender. It’s going to drive me absolutely insane. It’d be almost romantic if it wasn’t such a blatant fucking tease. He keeps dipping his damn fingers down like he’s going to finally, finally touch my hole and then he swipes them away just like that.

I whine his name out to let him know exactly how fucking awful he’s being. When I peek down at him, he’s smirking and that’s how I know that this was his goddamn plan all along.

I can’t help the mild irritation that builds up. “Come onnnn!” I wanted to sound impatient but it came out more like begging. I guess that fucking works too.

“Yeah?” I don’t even have to see Dave’s face to know he’s too fucking amused by this.

That’s when I snap.

“Fuck Dave. You’re not going thirty on a school road, you’re driving a fucking race track. Rev that engine, fuckboy.” The words spilled out before I even really had a moment to filter them. Dave’s shocked expression is worth it though.

“You sure?” He asks after a moment.

“Yes I’m fucking sure. I’m dying here.” The words are a bit sharper than they need to be, but they get my point across well enough. I’ve wanted him like this for so fucking long, and there’d be plenty of future for him to delve into body worship. Right now I needed him, desperately.

Thankfully, he gets to work after that. He finally slides his hands back down to my ass and I hear the click of the lube bottle shortly after. I almost feel guilty for snapping at him, thinking that maybe I cut short some of his enjoyment here.

“Sorry for snapping.” I offer up in a small voice.

“No, no. Don’t be. Are you kidding?” He sits up more, and is practically grinning from ear to ear. It makes me feel a little more at ease. “Babe that’s probably one of the hottest things anyone’s ever said to me. If anything, do shit like that more often.”

Then he unceremoniously starts to push the first slicked finger in, so that I can’t really respond with anything other than the gasp that escapes me. The fucking asshole. Or I guess … the guy fucking my asshole? Whatever. The joke’s not important.

He gets the first finger about halfway in and he fucking stops, he fucking stops to check on me. My head snaps forward, and I meet his eyes with a glare that says ‘if you don’t get your finger all the way in, I will do it for you’. Apparently that message doesn’t translate though and he’s just stuck staring back at me with this, admittedly really hot, expression on his face. I huff and push my hips down on his hand, and he glances down to watch and then back up to me with a raised brow.

“You weren’t kidding, huh?” he mutters more to himself than anything.

“No! I fucking wasn’t!” I gripe, just because I can.

Dave surprises me yet again by complying and pushing in a second finger, stretching them apart right away. I let out a sigh of content, because holy hell that feels nice after so long without. Even nicer when it’s not me that’s doing it for myself. Much easier to enjoy prepwork when your own arms aren’t in the fucking way.

He spends about a minute just pushing the two digits apart and letting me adjust to that, or maybe just watching me writhe to it. Then Dave suddenly pulls them almost entirely out and slams them back in, making me let out a sharp high pitched moan that I abso-fucking-lutely did not know I was capable of.

“M-more.” I stammer out, sounding pretty goddamn wrecked already.

And he complies, thrusting his fingers again. After maybe three or four more thrusts he slips a third in with them wordlessly. I somehow don’t fucking notice.

“Dave, more. Three.” I’ve been reduced to speaking in only the most important terms already.

“That’s already three babe.” He says, his tone jovial almost.

“Wh-” I start, but he spreads his fingers in me and that’s when I notice. “Holy shit.”

“Mhmm. You want more, baby?” Dave asks, leaning over me a little more with this self-satisfied smirk on his lips.

“God yeah.” I nod.

He leans down and pecks my lips, hovering over them for a second after.

“Good boy.”

He’s damn lucky that he leans back right then, because I would have fuckin snarled in his face otherwise. Way to ruin a perfectly fucking good moment with some stupid vague callback to the whole daddy thing. I can’t fucking believe him. The nerve.

The next thing I hear comes from my own mouth. When Dave pulls his fingers out, I fucking whimper. Thankfully he doesn’t make a big deal about it. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I’d say the reason he didn't make a big deal about it was because he was preoccupied with his own dick at that moment.

A quick glance confirms that theory, and I can’t help but stay propped up on my elbows to watch. He just looks so fucking good when he tries his best not to actually jerk off while getting the condom on and getting lubed up. Like he doesn’t want to blow too soon. How considerate. That sounds like I’m being condescending, but it’s genuine I swear.

When he finally deems himself ready, he glances back up at me. I swear my heart is about to fucking explode. He crawls over me, and I can feel myself quivering from anticipation and sheer arousal. I shut my eyes for a moment and try to breathe. Everything feels like too much in such a good way. He hasn’t even attempted to push in yet, but the emotional circus happening in my head is more than enough to have me needing a minute.

Leave it to me to get sentimental over the first time my boyfriend plows my ass.

“Karkat, look at me.” His voice comes out so rough and simultaneously gentle that it pulls me back to reality a bit. When I open my eyes he’s right there. Hovering over me, a few inches from my face, and looking so incredibly unfairly hot. His hair is falling to frame his face, his cheeks are just a little red, eyes lidded but still that same piercing maroon color. I want to kiss him so fucking badly. Instead of moving though, I just lay there, deer in the headlights.

“You sure you’re ready?” Dave asks. His concern only assures me that I do in fact look like a deer in the headlights. I make a more conscious effort to shake myself out of it.

“Yeah. Fuck yes. Absolutely.”

“Can I kiss you?”

I’m absolutely floored by him asking that in this moment.

“Are you kidding me? Dave you’re about to stick your fucking dick in me and you’re asking permission to kiss me? You’re joking right? Do I even need to answer that?”

He seems to blush a little more and I can’t help but grin.

“Sorry I just-”

“No apologies, just get your lips over here before I die of anticipation.” As I say this, I drag him closer.

Thankfully, he complies and the result is our bodies pressed together as we furiously make out. I grind up against him and realize a second late why maybe that wasn’t the best idea. There’s now lube smeared all over my fucking lower abdomen. Fuck. It’s a little gross, more than a little slippery, but mostly I find it kind of stupidly hot. I need Dave right the fuck now.

Breaking the kiss was a lot more of a challenge than anticipated. Willpower was a bitch.

“Dave.” I panted. He really just kept going in for more and more kisses. It was a little intoxicating and a lot distracting. “Dave.” I tried again. It was supposed to come out more forceful but it really just sounded needier.

“Karkat.” He groaned back, moving to kiss at my neck and nip at my earlobe. The sound itself sent a shiver down my spine. I was well beyond my breaking point.

“Dave fucking please I need you so bad right now. Please, please, pleeease.” I really just started fucking out right begging. Embarrassing.

I feel the way his lips part into a grin against my neck, and I really can only hope he’s about to give in. “Please what?” Fuck. No.

“Hhh. Dave fucking please. I’m not gonna call you that. I just need you to fuck me already, ohmygod.” My face felt like it was on fire. I really didn’t want to say the word ‘daddy’ in bed. It seemed way too fucking mortifying. I was already begging for him and my face was fucking aflame.

“You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to, but honestly, it’d be brutally hot if you did, babe.” He basically whispers the admission in my ear and my face gets hotter somehow. There’s no fucking way. How. What. He’s genuinely into it? Fuck. Why did my dick have to twitch at that thought. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. I’ll have to unpack that later. For now I gathered what little dignity remained in me, and prepared to defenestrate it. We could try this. This could be something I’m into without it being the end of the goddamn world, right? Cringe culture was dead anyway.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. Dave started kissing my cheek and made his way back down to my neck. It was infuriatingly sweet how patient he was being with me. Fuck maybe he was “daddy material” after all.

“You doin ok, baby boy?” He coos softly to me, indicating I’ve been quiet for probably a little too long. His concern is so sweet. His breath on my neck is so fucking hot though. The contrast is intoxicating.

“Y-yes, daddy.” I just barely manage to get the whisper out and the air suddenly feels static and alight with a whole new level of energy.

“What was that?” He asks, partially smug, but I can tell it’s a mostly genuine question. “Say that again for me baby.”

“Okay but you’d better fucking listen this time.” I try to get my words out with some kind of bite, but it all comes out sounding like whining. I’ve really lost control of my shit at this point and if he doesn’t fuck me soon, I will cry.

“I will, I promise I will.” He nuzzles in even closer and places soft little kisses all up my jawline.

I let out a shaky little huff of a breath and compose myself once more. “Please d-daddy.” I whine, pressing my hips up towards him.

Dave all but fucking scrambles to line himself up with me again, and I’m so goddamn ready to go, then he pauses. Again.

“Please what, baby boy? Use your words.”

I fucking snap. I can’t take it.

“PLEASE FUCK ME! HOLY SHIT DAVE! IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR DICK IN ME I WILL PIN YOU DOWN AND RIDE YOU TIL YOUR DICK FUCKING BREAKS!” Not even a second later he pushes in and the resulting moan is one I’ve never heard myself make. I sound so fucking broken. Dave practically fucking growls out at me though, so it must’ve been good.

The stretch isn’t unfamiliar or particularly painful, mostly just relieving and so, so fucking good. I feel a few tears start to well up in my eyes, and I do my best not to start fucking crying.

Dave gets fully seated and stills inside me, and I really just can’t wait. I don’t need time to adjust, I need to be fucked mercilessly right this instant. I whine and start moving my hips, urging him to just fucking GO. He grabs my hips and pins them down to the bed with bruising force, and I really can’t help it, one of the tears squeezes its way out and tracks down the side of my face. So maybe I’m a goddamn masochist. Sue me.

“Dave, Dave, fucking ple- please.” I hiccup through a broken sob, and he meets my eyes again.

“Oh fuck, baby, are you alright?” He’s so concerned and I know he thinks he hurt me, but god this is so fucking much and I don’t know how to communicate or think. I’m a fucking puddle of want and need and aching.

“F-fine. G-go. Move. Please.” I manage to squeak out. Immediately his face shifts from concern to a big fucking grin.

“God, you had me so fucking worried. You needy little thing. Don’t worry, I’ve got you, babe.” Before I can even think to snap back at him, he pulls his hips back and slams into me. In that moment it’s the most blissful thing I think I've ever felt. I all but fucking scream and nod my head vigorously. He braces his arms on the bed, caging me in with them, and keeps going. Every fucking thrust feels better than the last, and each is met with another pathetic noise falling from my mouth.

Once he establishes a steady pace, I really start to lose my fucking mind. Everything clouds over and all I know is that I’m panting. I’m in absolute bliss, and Dave is there orchestrating it all. My body is moving of its own accord. At some point I register that I’m pulling him in closer and raking my nails down his back. He’s saying something to me, but like hell if I can comprehend it. All I know is that he sounds really fucking hot and I want him to keep talking. Some little words and phrases register after a good deal of mental buffering. Things like “good boy” and “pretty little thing” and “look so fucking good”. Most of it is praise and I’m absolutely soaking it up.

Dave shifts the angle, hooking his arms under my knees and pressing in deeper, and I swear I almost fucking black out. My vision swims and I try to scream but no sound comes out. I can tell that I’m so fucking close but I have no way to warn him. My vocal cords are thoroughly shot. He just keeps driving into me, and it’s so fucking good. It registers that he’s hitting my prostate, but for a second I’m not sure that he ever wasn’t during this whole thing. I’m so incredibly overstimulated in the best fucking possible way.

Everything compounds all at once, and suddenly I'm spasming. My back arches and another soundless scream tries to rip its way from my throat. Tears are steadily running down the sides of my face, my ears, and my neck. I cum across my stomach and my body goes boneless in his arms. Dave keeps thrusting, much more erratic now and it’s so fucking much. Almost too much. I stare up at him through watery eyes, mouth hanging open in what probably looks like an ahegao expression. I’m panting and almost wheezing from the exertion.

“C’mon daddy.” I try, my voice cracking with every other syllable. I sound so fucking rough, but it seems to do it for Dave because he pushes in a few more times before stilling with a downright animalistic groan. I can feel him filling the condom inside me, and some small part of me wishes the rubber wasn’t in the way. It’s a stupid part of me, because cleaning that out would take fucking forever. But cum brain is just like that sometimes, I fucking guess.

Dave pulls out gently, but I still wince a little. The absent feeling leaves me whining softly. He collapses beside me though, so I roll onto my side and cuddle up to him, leaving little sloppy kisses across his shoulder and collar. I don’t have the energy for much else at the moment, but I’m craving the closeness. Dave chuckles softly and cups my jaw, and I’m absolutely melting from how tender it is. He leans in and gives me a proper kiss on the mouth, and I keep my eyes closed even after he’s pulled away.

After a few more moments of coming down from the high and cuddling, Dave gets up and makes his way to the bathroom. I want to reach out and make grabby hands at him, but refrain out of self respect. Just because we’ve delved into the daddy kink doesn’t mean I have to act like a fucking child. That’s just gonna make it weird, right?

When he returns he’s devoid of sticky gross condom and has a washcloth in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Can you sit up for me, Karkat?” He asks so fucking sweetly. I nod and push myself up to rest on the pillows and headboard behind me. Dave hands me the glass and I almost immediately fumble with it. Clearly motor controls are not back online just yet. My arm feels like it’s got electricity running through it, it’s static and almost numb at the moment. Dave just smiles and puts his hand back on the glass over mine, helping me to take a sip. I let him take the water from me and watch him set it on the nightstand.

“Good boy.” I blush from the praise and try to cover my face with my hands. “Is it okay if I help clean you up, babe?”

My voice still refuses to cooperate so I just nod, keeping my hands over my eyes. All this domestic softness after all that harcore fucking is warming my chest and making me incredibly flustered. He wipes up my stomach first, the majority of my mess still sticking to me there. Then he very gently wipes down my cock, and it makes a very eager attempt at stiffening again, twitching in his hand a little. I hear him mumble a soft little “so cute” and try not to think too hard about that.

I hear him walk back to the bathroom to discard the washcloth, and uncover my eyes. I want to talk to him about things, about the kink thing and how that all works and where I might lie on it. I want to say so many things. I start building a monologue in my head about how I didn't think I'd be into that or how I'd never stopped to perceive him like that and how weirdly nice it was. I wonder about how much of this is really me, and how much is catering to Dave, but realistically my dick wouldn’t jump like that if I wasn’t at least a little bit into it. Much to think about. Much to talk about.

When he walks back into the room, I do reach for him this time. Thankfully, Dave gets the hint and crawls into bed beside me.

“Need anything else babe?” He asks as he settles both of us under the sheets.

“Cuddles.” I croak out, my voice sounding pretty fucking rough. Talking would be a lot harder than I’d anticipated.

“Christ, Karks, your throat really is wrecked huh?” It’s rhetorical. Or at least I’m choosing to believe that it is. He traces his fingertips over my throat to highlight his point and the contact is much appreciated.

“Shut up.” I whisper, finding that easier on my throat and more successful.

“It’s alright. It’s kinda hot if I’m honest.” He slips into whispering with me, and places a little kiss to the tip of my nose.

“Can we talk about … all of that?” I have no fucking clue why I feel so nervous about this. It’s just Dave.

“Of course, what’s up?” He props himself up on one arm, and looks at me with an unwarranted amount of concern.

“First of all, not like that. It was really, really good. That’s not the issue.” I assure him. He visibly relaxes and his expression shifts to one of gentle confusion. “I wanted to talk about the kink stuff.”

“The kink stuff.” He repeats back to me with a playful grin, eyebrows raised. “Go on.”

“I hadn’t realized you were serious about it?”

“That’s the curse of irony babe, sometimes you joke about it so much that you start getting genuinely interested. Or end up revealing you always were in some cases.” He shrugs.

“What, like some kind of fucked up Freudian slip?”

“Something like that, yeah.” A beat of silence. “I didn’t wanna make you feel pressured into that. I hope you know that.”

“I didn’t. I wasn’t. It was,,, kind of nice? Embarrassing but nice.”

Dave shifts and I can tell he wants to make some sort of innuendo or tease me about it, but he’s refraining.

“Just say it. I know you want to.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Nah it’s too late now. Jokes with prompting just come out lame.”

“Oh yeah, and you’re so fucking afraid of looking lame in front of me, huh?” The more playful I get, the more my voice tries to slip above a whisper and keeps cracking. It’s kind of painful actually.

“Oh shut up.” He nudges me gently and we both start laughing a little.

It gets quiet again for a moment, and I’m left just staring up at him with this goofy fucking smile. I care about him so fucking much.

“Hey-”

“Kark-”

We try to speak at the same time and end up chuckling again.

“You go first.” He urges me.

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For what?” His brows furrow inwards, and it's kind of stupidly cute on him without his shades. His expressions are so pleasant to watch as they bloom across his face.

“For talking things out with me, and for being patient.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m glad we talked about it.”

“Mmm. Okay.” I nuzzled in closer to him and got to a comfortable position, ready to pass out. I was sprawled out half across the bed and half on top of him, my head tucked into the crook of his shoulder.

“Hey Karkat?” Dave asked in a somehow even softer whisper, reaching up to start petting my hair.

I let out a small hum against his throat as my response.

“I love you.”

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

Karkat didn’t end up saying it back, but that’s alright. If he wasn’t ready, then I wouldn’t push him. I’m just glad he didn’t freak out or make a big deal out of me telling him that I love him. We’re still together and things are going perfectly fine. That sounds like I’m lying, but I promise, it’s fine. We talked about it and he expressed that he just wasn’t used to saying those words. That it was going to take him some time. I can be patient, contrary to popular belief, and it doesn’t change how I feel.

We spent the next few days at Karkat’s, making out often and cuddling whenever possible. We got through a season of spongebob, but I have this funny suspicion that Karkat wasn’t entirely paying attention. Definitely not my fault at all. No sir. (It definitely was.)

Things went back to normal after we went back to work. Spending every day off together, and almost all our spare time messaging each other.

Before I knew it, New Years rolled around. Roxy was hosting a massive party at her house, which I knew was probably just because she had a bar in her kitchen and wanted to show off. Meeting her, you’d never think she was a workaholic, mainly because she’s more of an alcoholic than anything. I’d like to say it isn’t a problem, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand.

Anyway she invited everyone from both of her jobs, which had saved Karkat and I the stress of having to worry about being the others “plus one” to the shindig. It also meant that every single person that Karkat or I knew, aside from extended family, were gonna be there tonight. What better way to bring in the new year than being stuffed in a tiny apartment with 50 other very drunk people? What Roxy failed to realize is that babbling about her party while on shift was essentially inviting customers to it as well.

Pulling up to her complex had never been more intimidating and I started to wonder if walking would have been easier. Karkat was not having a fun time trying to find a place to park the car, and nearly gave up on going at all. It took a bit of convincing and a few minutes of making out in the car to get him to stay, but he was a lot happier once he got upstairs and started to catch up with everyone. Well, until Meenah tried to sneak up on him with some mistletoe, wherein I had to rescue him.

I slipped my arms around him from behind and started kissing at his cheek and neck, making a big possessive display. Meenah just laughed it off though, so my hope was that she was just kidding with him from the start. She did however, storm off after that so maybe I’d just ruined her new years eve? Too bad. What a tragedy.

I kept my arms around Karkat as we watched her leave, then started swaying to the music. He pressed his hips back against mine and swayed with me for a moment before turning in my grip to look me in the eyes. Or rather, in the shades. There were too many people in the room for me to be comfortable with taking them off right now.

“Thank you for that.”

“I’m not about to let some Jersey Shore extra steal my man on New Years Eve. She can get lost for all I care.”

“Okay okay, settle the fuck down Mr. Macho.” He teases me, running his hands over my biceps. God, I love his smile when it’s aimed at me like that.

We work ourselves into a slow dance of sorts and Karkat eventually lays his head against my shoulder. There’s a soft hum of the bass coming from the other room where Roxy likely has her music situation set up and a “dance arena” as she called it. Sounded more like a mosh pit to me so I decided to avoid it at all costs.

Whatever song was playing at the time wasn’t exactly slow, but there’s always a way to sway half time to the beat. I didn’t really notice at first but Karkat was letting me lead as we turned in slow circles. Not that it super matters, but it was nice.

After a while he pulls back to look at me again, and I swear I never want him to look away. Words happen. He says something. Fuck if I know what it is though. I have to shake myself out of it and ask him to repeat himself.

“Fuckin dumbass.” He mutters affectionately. “I was asking if you wanted to grab a drink or something? Maybe bounce around and talk to some friends and meet back up for the countdown?”

“Oh yeah. Yeah! Totally! Go for it babe.” I let him out of my arms and for a moment all I want is to chase after him and encircle him again. I can tell I’m getting a little fucking clingy though, so I figure it’s for the best that I let him mingle some. Karkat never seems like he wants to be that clingy couple in public that’s only got eyes for each other, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable by being super goddamn overbearing. I’m not Dirk after all.

Okay. Maybe that was a shitty thing to think. But if the shoe fits, right? Right? Maybe not? Whatever.

I put on my metaphorical fucking big boy pants and ‘waddled’ myself over to the goddamn kitchen to make my own drink. Like hell am I gonna let Roxy get me fucked up on something I’m going to undoubtedly love and ask for six more of. Tonight was NOT going to be that kind of night. I wanted to actually remember my first new years eve spent with someone I genuinely care about.

Maybe sad, but true. Every other year I’d always spent it either alone, with family, or partying it up and getting so wasted I couldn’t remember a single damn thing. This year would be different.

Some vodka, some apple juice, and one red solo cup later I had my drink in hand and was ready to start wandering around Roxy’s small yet somehow spacious as hell apartment.

Karkat P.O.V.

Mingling around the party was nice enough, but somehow I’d managed to lose track of time. I heard people start talking about the countdown and realized I was goddamn nowhere near Dave. I didn’t even fucking know where he was in the building. For all I know he could have even passed out by now. Fuck.

I didn’t even bother excusing myself from the conversation I’d been in. I just turned on my heel and started frantically looking around the room. A pretty goddamn difficult task when you’re not exactly the tallest guy around, but I was fucking determined. There was no way I wasn’t getting my fucking new years eve kiss tonight. After all, that’s like, the whole fucking reason I agreed to come in the first place. Normally I’d be passed out by now.

I stopped by the bar area again and tried to ask Roxy if she’d seen Dave anywhere. She was so busy drowning in the praise of her guests, and apparently flirting with one of them, to even notice I was trying to talk to her. She took half a glance at me, poured me another of the mixed drinks I’d been having, and hardly gave me another thought. It really fucking was that kind of night. I left the drink on the counter, knowing it would in no way help me find my boyfriend.

Glancing at my phone I realized I only had about four minutes before I was absolutely fucked. I could find Dave in four minutes, right? I’d found my phone before work in less time. Then again my phone didn’t have independent will and its own legs with which to run away from me. Whatever. I’d fucking find him.

I tried a few of the rooms, thinking maybe he’d passed out somewhere less loud. When he wasn’t at work, he wasn’t the biggest fan of being in crowded spaces with shitloads of people. I knew that much. The first room I tried, thankfully, was empty. It appeared to be some kind of study or maybe crafting room. I quickly moved on past it. The next door was apparently the bathroom and that was also thankfully (and surprisingly) empty. I double checked behind the shower curtain in the bathtub just in case, but all I found there was someone’s stomach contents they failed to rinse down the drain. Disgusting. Not my fucking problem. Next.

The third room I went into, the image would be ingrained into my memory for a long fucking time, and I couldn’t tell if I was okay with it or not. When I opened the door to Roxy’s bedroom, Dave’s brother Dirk was in there being absolutely fucking obliterated by his boyfriend. Some things you just can’t unsee, and sometimes one of those things is the ahegao face of your boyfriend's brother as he gets dicked down. Somehow Dirk didn’t notice me there at all, Jake did however, and made a shooing hand motion. I didn’t need to be told twice. I muttered a quick sorry and shut the door behind me.

I checked the time again. Only two minutes left, if that. Shit. I really fucking needed to find him fast. So I did what any desperate boyfriend would do. I fucking called him.

It rang for a while before he picked up, and when he did I got an onslaught of loud music.

“Dave?” I shouted.

“Karkat! ‘Sup? Everything alright?” He shouted back, clearly trying to be heard over the thrum of the stereo.

“Where the hell are you!”

“I was lookin for you. Where you at?”

I could tell by his phrasing that he was pretty wasted already, so that would explain a decent bit of being unable to find him.

“Doesn’t matter. Meet me in the living room?”

“Fuck yeah. I’ll see you there.”

I hung up and checked the time only to realize there was a minute or less remaining. I needed to get there fucking now.

Maybe this was super fucking silly to be so goddamn worried about, but I really didn’t fucking care in that moment. It was goddamn life or death. I would make it there and I would kiss my boyfriend through to the new year or so help me.

Roxy being well, Roxy, she started her countdown at fucking fifteen apparently. So when I heard people starting to count down, some sounding quite confused but still obviously on board, I started to panic even worse.

Fourteen.

Thirteen.

I bolted into the room and looked around for Dave.

Twelve.

The music had stopped and there was an absurd amount of people in the way, just mingling or already making out with their chosen countdown partner.

Eleven.

Ten.

I’d have to push through the goddamn crowd to find him.

Nine.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Eight.

“Dave?!” I shouted, hoping like hell that he could hear me.

Seven.

“He’s over here!” Someone shouted from an indiscernible direction.

Six.

“DAVE?!” I tried a little louder.

Five.

Someone made a pretty fucking rude comment about shutting the fuck up but I didn’t have the goddamn time. I could not fucking miss this.

Four.

“Karkat!” I hear him shout. He was close.

Three.

I push past a few more people and see a familiar blond head pushing past people frantically. It’s sweet seeing he’s just as desperate to find me as I am to find him.

Two.

He’s only a few more people away. We lock eyes and I reach towards him. Almost there.

ONE!

I stumble into his arms, almost knocking both of us over in the process. Everyone is either screaming or already kissing, and despite the volume I still manage to hear him past it all.

“Happy New Year, babe.”

He pulls me into a long kiss and I immediately sink into it, like it's a hot bath after a long day.

When we slip apart, I can’t stop the words before they leave my mouth. “I love you.”

The shocked expression followed by the toothy grin makes it worth it though. Dave sweeps me up in his arms and spins me around all the while kissing my cheeks and nose and anywhere he can find purchase on my face.

“I love you too.” He declares gleefully when he finally decides to set me back on my feet.

I briefly wonder if he’ll even remember me saying that due to his intoxication, but honestly it’ll be fine. Now that I’ve said it once, I’m sure I can manage to say it again. Probably. Most likely. Things like that take a lot of guts.

My train of thought is interrupted by the worst fucking high pitched noise I’ve ever heard. Turning my head I see that the cause is Roxy with a wine glass doing some kind of water musical instrument bullshit.

“CAN I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION PLEASE?”

“YES JUST FUCKING STOP THAT!” Someone shouts from the crowd and honestly I’m almost shocked that it wasn’t me.

“Noted.” She sets the glass down and moves to stand on top of her bar counter. A couple people offer hands to help steady her and she thanks them before addressing the crowd she’s curated. “First! HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHESSS! Thank you for being here. I’ve got two big announcements.”

She pauses for dramatic effect. Dave starts stomping his feet and making this god awful sputtering sound.

“Yes!” She points at him. “A drumroll please!”

Just like that the whole place falls in line with his bullshit. I’ve never been more impressed at his capability to inspire a crowd. Everyone is stomping their fucking feet on this poor apartments hardwood floor and I can only imagine what the downstairs neighbours must think of this. I know I’d leave a fucking complaint. New Years or not, that’s just god awful. Must sound like a fucking herd of drunken elephants tap dancing poorly.

Roxy waves her arms and the crowd comes to a slow stop.

“The first announcement, is that I’m gonna be going by they/them pronouns now. Respect it or leave now.” That was followed by a glare cast across the room. Thankfully nobody was all that torn up about it. “Good. Second announcement is that I’m going to be quitting drinking this year. That being said, the bar is extra open tonight, even the top shelf stuff, drink it all so I don’t have to! Please! I’m begging you!”

I never would have thought this many adults would be that booze hungry, but then again I didn’t know that much about Roxy’s top shelf liquors either. Dozens of people rushed to the bar table. Roxy climbed down gracefully and started taking orders with a wide smile. I couldn’t help but feel so fucking ecstatic for them. What a bold move, coming out at your own New Years party.

Now seemed like as good a moment to dip as any, so I tried to slink off with Dave to maybe go make out for a bit. I got turned around and took maybe two steps before I heard my name being called.

“Karkle Sparkle! Not so fast boys! You’ve gotta help me come finish all this. I’ll make you your faaaaavorite!” They cheered with a lilt to their voice at the end. It really couldn’t be helped. I hardly even got a say in the matter because Dave was already pivoting us around and dragging me by the arm to the bar.

From there the night became a blur.

THE NEXT MORNING

Dave P.O.V.

Hushed voices and the creaking of floorboards were the first things I noticed before I even opened my eyes. When I did I almost bolted right out of my skin. The second my lids flipped open, someone stepped their sock-clad foot down beside my face. A brief second to calm the fuck down, and I realized that I was in fact waking up on the floor amongst a sea of other sleeping bodies. That was one hell of a fucking party.

The next thing that slapped my senses was a number of irritating pains. One from sleeping with my shades on and having them dig into the bridge of my nose. Another being the headache that came with hangovers, only amplified by the fucking glasses pain. The third, and most pressing, being my fucking spine from having slept on a hardwood floor for god knows how long.

The year could only go up from here, right? What a hellish fucking way to start it. At least I started it with Karkat by my- wait.

Where the fuck was my boyfriend?

I try to think back on how the night went, but it’s honestly a real fucking pain to bring forth anything more than just simply existing. My brain power has been reduced to fucking 2% for the time being. Not ideal, but at least I can sit up and not wince in absolute pain.

I gather my surroundings just a bit more before I make a move to actually stand up. That’s when the headache really hits me. My vision swims and I sway a little. Being so high off the ground is almost nauseating, which is a wild revelation given that I’m only like five foot eight.

A few moments of standing still and I can finally see again. I slowly turn and look more thoroughly around the room. It’s absolutely fucking trashed. The lamp shade is missing. Classic. The couch cushions probably aren’t supposed to be turned that way. There’s at least fifteen people in here, some snoring loudly, others look just a little bit dead. Thankfully nobody threw up in their sleep, or at least not on the floor beside themselves. That’s a win for everyone involved. Still no sign of Karkat though. Less of a win.

I run my hands through my hair and make my way to the kitchen as carefully as I can. Somehow I avoid stepping on anyone, but I may have woken someone up. Can’t be sure. None of that matters though. I just need to find my fucking boyfriend and get home before we all get inevitably snowed in.

“Dave?” I turn at the sound of my name and see Dirk standing by the sink. He’s hunched over it and I wonder if he’s really doing okay. My senses are online enough to tell me there’s no vomit in the vicinity so I wander over to my brother.

“Sup?” I make an attempt to act casual, forgetting that he probably saw me passed out, ass in the air and everything, on his way over here.

Dirk makes a little huff of a chuckle and shakes his head. He seems pretty set on staring at his folded hands in front of him. Something seems off about him aside from his tude and it takes me a second to realize that he doesn’t have his shades on him.

“Hell of a party last night, huh?” I lean a little closer in his field of vision and tilt my head at him, tapping the corner of my shades to nonverbally ask where his were.

“Hm? Oh. Yeah. Jake has them. No worries.” He cracks one of the most genuine smiles I’ve ever seen on him and gestures to his sleeping boyfriend on the floor in the hallway. Jake’s passed out with Dirk’s shades tucked into the neckline of his sweater. They appear to be poking him in the shoulder and it’s a genuine shock to me that he can sleep like that. Regardless, any worry I had over either of them fades, seeing how perfectly fine they are. My brain then hones back in on its own problems. Karkat.

“Cool cool. You uh, you seen Karkat at all this year?” I joke lightly.

“Last I saw of him was when you guys got here last night, honestly.”

I nod at that and try to remember anything else more from the party. The last thing that comes to mind was signing up for karaoke, which if I had to guess was around 10pm. Probably not the best sign.

“Can I ask you something?” I start.

“You just did, and you’re going to anyway. Shoot.” Dirk turns to me and crosses his arms over his chest with a half smirk.

“What do you remember from last night?”

“Oh man. Dave. Bro. Broseph. My babiest brother. I was so busy all night with Jake. The only reason I remember it is because we couldn’t pull our mouths apart long enough to keep drinking. Had my hands pretty fuckin full if you know what I mean. That man has a hell of a stamina. I don’t know if you know what that’s like, but it’s really fucking intense.” Dirk gets this dreamy look in his eye and I just know he’s going to keep going if I don’t stop him there.

“Eugh ok ok. I really don’t need all the details thanks.”

“Then why do you keep asking?” He asks through a laugh. My face gets a little pink and I roll my eyes at him. Even if he can’t see it, I know that he caught it. We both wear our shades so much that it’s pretty easy to read each other’s body language by now.

We take a moment of eye contact to sort of wrap up the conversation before both peacing out of the kitchen. Dirk goes to wake up his cuddly ape of a boyfriend and I wander down the hall to find the angry imp that I’m lucky to be dating. I hope to high hell that maybe he just had enough sense to fall asleep in an actual bed instead of knocking out on the floor like the majority of the party-goers.

The first two rooms that I check are completely empty, or at least devoid of people. Both of them are pretty roughed up, indicating that someone almost definitely fucked in them last night. Undoubtedly one of the rooms was Dirk and Jakes, but I didn’t need to keep thinking about that.

The third door I try, the doorknob is slick and I grimace at the feeling and wipe whatever the fuck it was on my jeans. I peek through the crack just in case, and sure enough there’s people in this one. A longer look and I can identify Roxy’s hair in the dim lighting. They’re cuddled up with, … someone? I have this vague feeling that I’ve been introduced to the other person but hell if I remember a single damn thing about them right now. Not even a name comes to mind. Whoever it was, clearly was pretty close to Rox. A second longer makes me realize that they’re both totally nude. Thankfully the blankets were covering all of the ‘important’ shit, because there are just some things I’d be more than happy to live without seeing. My cousin’s junk being one of those things. I close the door before my eyes adjust further and I see anything else I might not want to.

ANYWAY. Definitely not Karkat. Just gotta keep looking. I try the bathroom next. Two people passed out on each other in the tub, still no Karkat. I go so far as to check the hall closet, thinking maybe he just wanted to be alone and away from so many fucking people, but still no dice. I’m starting to get just a little fucking worried so I rush back to the living room to get another look around just to be sure.

A scan around and still no sign of him. Where the hell was Karkat?

The fact that cell phones exist slams into me suddenly and I feel so fucking dumb. I feel around in my pockets. Keys. Wallet. No phone. Where the fuck is my phone?

Nothing could ever be simple, could it?

I start retracing my steps from the morning, wondering if I just wasn’t awake enough to notice setting it down somewhere or having it fall out of my pockets. Maybe about twenty more minutes pass. At least a handful more people have woken up and left by now, which totally helps. My brain flips over the thought of ‘what if one of them has my phone?’ but I let it go, realizing if that’s the case that it’s gone forever and I’ve just gotta keep looking until I’m 100% sure.

After about forty minutes of searching and lurking around the place, enough people have left that I feel comfortable looking on the floor for my phone. Sure enough, I find it underneath the couch maybe a foot away from where I’d passed out.

THANK GOD.

I unlock it, notice the battery is down to 12%, and quickly check my notifications.

Sure enough there it is.

-2 new messages from CarcinoGeneticist-

I click the notif and agonize over every second it takes to load, wishing things worked more instantaneously when I was panicking.

CG: DAVE I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ENDED UP BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING FUN.

CG: I’M GOING TO GO SLEEP IN THE CAR BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST A SINGLE ONE OF THESE ASSHOLES NOT TO PRANK ME WHILE I SLEEP LIKE IT’S FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL AGAIN.

Oh thank fuck. For a moment I’m so caught up in the relief of knowing where Karkat was, that I don’t consider the message fully. I’m getting my coat on and finding my shoes when I realize just how fucked up this is. Karkat could be freezing to death by now. I have no fucking idea how cold it actually is outside, but I know that the backup blanket is probably not warm enough to keep him cozy all night long. He must be fucking dying. My leisurely pace of getting ready suddenly isn’t fast enough and I tug on my shoes with the urgency of a child who’s going to miss the school bus and get their ass beat by their parent.

I bolt down the complex stairs, too frantic to bother with the elevator. Probably a bad move for a January morning, but the building is just warm enough to where the stairs aren’t all that slippery. I push through the door, almost bowling over and into another tenant but narrowly avoiding her. She shouts a “Happy New Year, Asshole!” to me as I all but fucking sprint out the front door. I try to remember where the hell we parked and it takes me a minute before I spot the car.

Snow be damned, I start sprinting through the courtyard. Another bad move as I kick a large rock that was buried under the foot or two of snow on the ground, and faceplant into the freezing cold waste that jack frost has rained down onto me. I fucking hate cold weather. I pick myself up and somehow find the energy to keep going. The blinding light of the morning, the crispness of the air, and the hangover headache are the worst possible combination. I’m in excruciating pain, but none of that matters right now. I have to get to Karkat. I have to be sure he’s okay.

When I finally reach the car it feels like I’ve accomplished a Herculean task. I pry the back seat open and sure enough he’s there. He’s curled up in a tight ball across the back seat, the emergency blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon. His hair is falling in his face a little and he’s got a deep set frown on his lips. He grumbles about the light and I sigh in relief, seeing that he’s perfectly fine.

“Shit. Sorry.” I crawl into the back seat with him and close the door behind me. Snow falls off the car roof from the slam and I wince a little. God I fucking hate winter.

“Dave what the fuck?” He asks, sitting up a little and shivering. I knew he would be too cold out here.

“Shh. C’mere.” I open my arms to him. He sits up a little and looks me over, his expression moving from soft confusion to concern.

“Are you fucking insane? You’re covered in snow and it’s melting all over the fucking car! You’re probably colder than I am!”

“I’m only cold on the outside. Come here and cuddle me. Body warmth will help, I promise.”

“You fucking cuddle slut. We could just start the car and let it heat up.” Karkat rolls his eyes at me and gestures to the front seat.

I pause for a beat. “We could always do both? We’ll have to warm up the car anyway.” I shoot him a sheepish smile.

He throws the blanket at me and somehow manages to trap me under it. I heard the car door slam twice, meaning he probably got in the front seat. Then the engine starts and only confirms my theory. I manage to find my way out of the blanket and my hair is thoroughly fucked now for sure. I catch Karkat’s eye in the rear view mirror and pout.

“Are you mad at me for leaving you in the car all night?”

“I literally fucking chose to come out here, why would I be mad at you?”

“Cause you won’t cuddle daddy?” I try, using a bit of a baby-ish voice. I see him blush at the mention of the word and it’s a small victory.

“If you shut the fuck up I’ll come back there and lay on you. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Fine.” Karkat then proceeds to get out of the car again, slamming the door again. He crawls on me, slams that door shut as well, and literally plops down, knocking the wind out of me in the process. “Happy now?” He quips, and despite me being unable to respond without air in my lungs, I really fucking was happy. I coughed and hacked and wrapped my arms around him nonetheless.

Chapter Text

-GolgothasTerror has added you and two others to a group chat-

GT: Sorry to bother you chums. Hope the new year has been going well for you both. How’s the ol’ ball and chain been dragging along?

CG: WE’RE NOT FUCKING MARRIED AND I THINK OUR RELATIONSHIP IS THE LAST ONE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT AROUND HERE

TG: goin good wassup

TT: We wanted to know if you wanted to double sometime this week.

TG: sorry bro karks here doesn’t have a racket

GT: Tennis sounds like a ripsnortin good time! I do have a spare if you need, and if you boys are green, I could help you mind your elbows.

TT: Oh my god.

CG: THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? WHAT IS THIS CONVERSATION ABOUT?

TT: Double date. I meant double date, Dave.

TG: absolutely not my fault bro

TG: be more specific next time

TG: im not the one who flings around slang expectin people to just know what im saying

TT: You knew what I meant. Don’t start that.

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M READING RIGHT NOW

TG: what

CG: YOU LITERALLY ALWAYS DO THIS

CG: YOU GET THE CONVERSATION WILDLY OFF TOPIC WITH YOUR BULLSHIT

TG: ouch

TG: looks like we can’t attend the date guys

TG: we clearly need marriage counseling

TG: look at this argument we’re having right in front of you

GT: If you’re having a spat, we can reschedule.

TT: He’s being dramatic to get out of it, Jake. Dave you can literally just say no. It’s not a huge deal.

CG: WHAT KIND OF DOUBLE DATE DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

TG: wait youre serious

CG: OF COURSE I AM

CG: COULD BE FUN

CG: WE’VE NEVER BEEN ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH ANYONE

CG: IT’S NOT LIKE ERIDAN’S GOING TO BE INVITING US OUT WITH SOLLUX ANYTIME SOON.

TG: fair

TG: theyve heard enough

TT: We can plan the date together, that’s no big deal.

GT: I find the art of cinema to be a diverse experience that many of us appreciate for varying different reasons! Were we to choose some kind of flick as a romantic muster point, all parties would surely have a roaring good time. Any ideas boys?

TG: karkat has every episode of spongebob ever now

TG: just gonna put that out there

TT: We are not having a fucking Spongebob Squarepants double date.

CG: I SECOND THAT

CG: NO SPONGEDOUCHE

TG: booooo

TG: killjoys

GT: I did just get a new projector and I have quite the cinema library, if you wanted to have it at mine? We could select a film over dinner.

TT: Are you planning on cooking?

GT: Don’t fret over that just yet. We can order in during the evening.

CG: SOUNDS GOOD TO ME

TT: Perfect.

TG: if karkats in then im in

TT: Way to stay noncommittal.

CG: AS IF YOU HAD A CHOICE

TG: shut up

TG: both of you

Karkat P.O.V.

The evening of January 15th was stupid cold. I’m talking probably the coldest day of winter yet. I loathed every second of it all day long, hoping against hope that this date tonight would be even a little bit worth it. Or at the very least that it would give me something to look forward to that wasn’t as far away as spring thaw. Dirk and Jake seem to have pulled both their heads out their own asses long enough to work on things in their relationship and stop breaking up every other week and then getting back together. In fact, I think they may have made it almost a whole month. I have no fucking clue if that’s a record for them, nor do I really care, but it means that hopefully they won’t be at each others throats during dinner or glaring daggers during a movie.

I pick Dave up on my way home from work and don’t bother swinging home to change. It’s been slow as all hell at Hit the Deck so I hardly have any stains or mess on me from my shift anyway. What could be better date attire than a nice button down shirt and some slacks anyway? Nothing. That’s what. Dave seems to be in a sort of nonchalant mood, toying with the radio and not making a whole lot of conversation. I sort of hoped he would be more excited about a date night, regardless of the location or the company. He’s been in kind of a terrible mood the past few weeks, but it’s definitely gotten worse in the last two days.

“Long day at work?” I ask, hoping that something else has him down.

“Yeah, stupid fucking pricks won’t let up on the christmas carols. It’s been almost a month since. Can’t we just let it die?” Dave spins sideways in his seat for dramatic emphasis, his head on the center console armrest and his feet against the window. It makes me nervous for a brief second that he’s going to kick the window open but I know he’s not nearly that upset or reckless.

“Okay yeah, that’s fair. At least you get a break from it when we go places in the car?”

“I need like ten hours of good music for every one hour of Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson I have to put up with, babe. This is gonna take months of music therapy to cure.” He whines. I can’t help but think he’s acting just a little bit childish. My mind skips over the half-joking ‘that’s my job’ that tries to pull to the forefront and I let out a sigh instead.

“Could you at least pretend like you’re not in total agony for some fucking part of this tonight? I’d like to try and enjoy it.” I give him a side glance and do my best to keep my eyes on the road as I make my way towards Jake’s place. I don’t actually know where he lives, but I know the crossroads the address is on and the name of the complex, and I’m praying that will be enough.

“You’re just hoping they put on a romcom Karks, and I’m here to tell you, we’ve been played.”

“Oh? Does Jake not own any romcoms?” I ask a little sarcastically.

“I really don’t think he does actually.” Dave crosses his arms over his chest and watches the scenery roll by out the window. He seems completely serious and also an awful lot like an angsty teenager at the moment.

“Well he’s in luck then. I keep a few of my favorites tucked in the back seat of the car for emergencies.” I say it a little proudly, despite the shit eating grin I’m most definitely flashing. I’m fucking determined to lift his spirits even a little before we get to Jake’s.

Dave sits up and corrects his posture in his chair. Well almost, he’s got a leg up on the seat bent to his chest. “Why are you like this?” He asks me, as if embarrassed by me.

“Like what?” I feign ignorance.

“What kind of emergency calls for romcoms babe?” Dave facepalms and there’s a hint of a laugh in his tone that I take as a very small victory. As long as I can keep him chipper things should be fine, right?

“The kinds like tonight, obviously.” I stick out my tongue at him and roll my eyes as we turn into the complex.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“That makes two of us, fuckhead.” I bite back.

The conversation dies down after that and we do eventually figure out which place is Jake’s. The outside is unassuming like most apartment complexes, but the moment we step inside it’s an entirely different story.

To say his place was fancy would be a terrible lie, but it did have a weird sense of “this dude has money” to it. It was just absolutely fucking stuffed full of nerdy shit and random crap. I really don’t know how else to put it. We get a brief tour and as it turns out, it’s a fucking three bedroom. I can sort of understand some of Dave’s lack of enthusiasm in being here.

One major thing that strikes me as odd is that I literally cannot find a fucking television anywhere in the house. When I ask about it, I’m directed to a plain fucking white wall.

“What? Is it fucking invisible or something? Where’s the joke.” I deadpan.

Jake looks confused and like he’s about to jump into a long winded explanation (which seems to be a theme with him), when Dirk steps in front of him with a remote and demonstrates. One click of a button and there’s blinding light in my eyes coming from somewhere in the ceiling. I turn my back to it and face the wall. When my vision finally clears again, I realize what the fuck all that projector talk was about. He’s literally using the wall as the screen to project whatever it is he plays.

I hear the familiar beep of an xbox controller behind me, and then am scared fucking shitless when the surround sound kicks in with the startup music. I cover my ears and move back behind the couch.

“QUITE THE FUCKING SETUP!” I shout, making it clear that they damn near deafened me.

“My bad, chap. Last thing we watched had such a low sound quality. We must’ve forgotten to turn it back down.” Jake looks sheepish and he’s scratching the back of his head. He’d be charming if he wasn’t so fucking weird and cliché. But I guess that’s what Dirk’s into, so I leave it at that. He’s not my date for the night.

I look over at Dave and he seems to be fucking chuckling.

“What’s so goddamn funny!”

“Nothin babe.” He says, but he’s got that stupid fucking smile on his face and I just know it’s something to do with me.

Normally I’d tackle Dave to the ground and demand he tell me exactly what the fuck he’s on about, but this is a date, so I let it go. No sense in wrinkling my nice pants just yet.

Jake claps his hands together loud enough to get everyone’s attention and then checks his wristwatch. “Well it’s still a bit early to be ordering in, unless you two are feeling peckish?” He pauses barely a second, not actually giving us a chance to answer. “How about we pick out the first film of the evening and see how we feel in a few hours?”

“Hell yeah. Couch time.” Dave says, vaulting himself over the back and plopping onto a cushion. “Dirk you gonna sit next to me?” He then asks, peeking his head over to look at us all.

“Oh I’m sorry. I misunderstood. Is this a date for you two or …?” I ask, gesturing between them.

“I have two hands, Karkat.”

“He has two hands, Karkat.” Dirk repeats, barely a beat behind his younger brother.

“And he’d better keep them both to himself if he wants to survive the night.” I grit out through my teeth.

“Damn babe. That’s cold.” Dave deflates and lays back across the couch, taking up just about all the space.

“Any suggestions for the first movie?” Dirk asks, moving on like nothing happened at all. He’s on thin ice right now with me.

“Oh! What if we watch Journey to the Center of the Earth!” Jake chimes in.

“Sure, why not.” I want to be shocked at how easily Dirk gave in on that, but something in the subtext of their body languages told me it had to do with it being a romantic gesture.

“Aw come on! Can’t we watch Polar Express instead?” Dave pipes in yet again.

“Bro, literally nobody wants to watch Tom Hanks, badly animated, sing a song about hot chocolate and lead children around the fake north pole in some elaborate kidnapping heist.” Aaaand that’s the Dirk I was expecting and relatively had come to know.

“It’s not even like that and you know it! Way to kill Christmas Spirit!”

“You were just bitching about Christmas Spirit in the car on the way here, what the actual fuck are you talking about?” I chime in. Dave hasn’t taken his shades off, but I can just feel him glaring. Not angrily, but with that ‘you’ve betrayed me’ expression.

“I rescind my offer to let either of you sit next to me. Jake, do you want to do the honors and be my couch buddy?” Dave asks, turning to ignore us.

Jake looks incredibly flustered to be caught in the middle of everything and just sort of smiles awkwardly, seemingly at a loss for words.

“Dude, don’t be like that. You can’t just jack my date because yours bites back.” Dirk chimes in. He then walks closer to Jake and wraps his arms around his waist from behind, poking his head over his shoulder. “Stay in your lane, bro.”

“It wasn’t like that and you know it!” Dave all but shouts, turning around on the couch and kneeling on the cushions to look over the backside of it. “No offense, Jake.”

“Alright, let’s just settle the fuck down now. I’m sure there’s a seating arrangement that can work despite Dave’s ever-changing whims. Let me just- do you guys have a pen and some paper?” I chime in.

“NO! No charts! Babe we’re not doing this again!” Dave groans, a little bit of a threat in his tone at the end.

“Why are you so against organization?” I squint at him.

“I’m against you putting me in a box against my own will.” Dave clambers over the couch towards me and it’s a fucking ridiculous sight honestly.

“You don’t have to sit in the fucking square on the paper, shitstain.”

“Then why bother making it at all if we don’t have to adhere to it?”

“If you gents don’t mind, I’m gonna get the movie set up while you sort this out.” Jake chimes in, moving towards one of the bookcases along the wall that’s absolutely just littered with dvd cases. “And Karkat, if you wouldn’t mind terribly, I would obviously like to be seated next to Dirk.”

“Noted.” I point at him before glancing around for some paper. Nobody had really directed me to anything that I fucking needed, but I was nothing if not resourceful.

“Babe this is so fucking pointless and you know it.” Dave continued, not letting up for a moment.

“You’re being so fucking difficult today. I wouldn’t have to make the chart if you didn’t make such a big deal about who you’ll be sitting next to.” I say, finally settling on using the back of a receipt on the table, for lack of better writing surface.

“I was obviously joking, c’mon Kat. No. Put the receipt down. Where the fuck did you just pull that pen from? Give it here.” Dave moves to try and reach past me, draping himself over my backside in the process.

“I’ll drop the pen if you drop the attitude and just watch this fucking movie with us.” I hate giving him ultimatums, but in this moment it felt like the only thing I could really do.

Dave leaned up to my ear, pressing closer to my backside. “Fine, but only if you sit in Daddy’s lap.” He whispered, before nipping at my ear.

That was not the fucking turn I expected him to take, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me shiver and blush.

“Okay fine. Deal. Get your ass to the fucking couch then.”

“Movie’s ready whenever you two are.” Dirk called from the living area. Perfect timing as always with these fucking Striders.

Dave walked away with ease, like nothing even fucking happened. I told myself that the moment he got an attitude again I’d be sliding off his lap and scooting away from him. I had to set boundaries for myself fucking somewhere.

“Seating all sorted, then?” Jake asked as I approached the couch again. He was standing to the side as if waiting for direction.

Before I could even say anything Dirk just dragged him down onto the couch beside him and cuddled up possessively.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” I sort of mumbled, not really caring if the response got any recognition. The couch, from left to right, was going to be me on Dave’s lap, then Dirk, then Jake. Because neither of them had to be whiny children whilst also holding a dom trap card of some bullshit form. At least not publicly nor performatively like Dave seemed dead set on tonight.

Speaking of, Dave was waiting patiently for me so I decided to get a fucking move on and embarrass myself already. I draped myself across my boyfriend’s lap unceremoniously, back against the arm rest and feet claiming the space between us and Dirk. Thankfully neither piece of the other couple gave any note to the position.

“Everyone comfy?” Jake asked.

“Definitely.” Dirk chimed back almost immediately.

“Hah gay. Yeah we’re good.” Of fucking course Dave had to.

“Gay yourself, asshole.” I rolled my eyes at him and snuggled in, wrapping an arm around his neck. “Yeah, we’re all set.”

“Wonderful! Here we go!”

The start button was pressed and with no small amount of complaints from the peanut gallery in my ear, it was Journey to the Center of the Earth. Very much not Polar Express. He got over it soon enough though.

I half expected Dave to get handsy at some point during this movie, based on the compromising position and his earlier usage of the D word in the kitchen. However, he managed to keep his hands in relatively appropriate places. I say relatively because I’m not sure how appropriate it is to keep your hand rested on your boyfriend’s thigh, as still as it was.

We did end up getting bored towards the end and sneaking some kisses during the movie. In our defense though, it was in a dark room with full surround sound blaring, so really there was such a slim chance we’d be caught or heard. And it was a fucking date, so it’s not like kissing was forbidden or anything.

Dave seemed to have dropped all his grumps by the end of the first movie. When the credits rolled, Jake stood up and started fucking clapping. Just when I thought the guy couldn’t get more fucking weird or theatrical, he does this. Dirk humors him and starts half-heartedly clapping along. I take a wild guess that he wasn’t too thrilled about his cuddle partner standing up so suddenly. If there’s anything I’d gathered about Striders is that they’re both pretty damn clingy when it comes to physicality.

When all the fucking fanfare was over, we all unanimously decided it was probably about time to order food. Dirk pulls up an app to get delivery and passes it around for all of us to pick out something. We ended up ordering from an outback steakhouse because Jake couldn’t help himself from trying to quote the ‘bloomin onion’ commercial which caused all of us to take our best shots at the accent.

The evening was going pretty nice once we were all settled with that and having a good laugh. While we waited for the food to arrive, Dave convinced Jake to pass him the controller and pulled up some really fucking weird youtube videos for us to watch. With the theme of the media and the choice of food, I was starting to feel weirdly overdressed, but kept telling myself that I could always make the excuse that I just came from work. Not like anyone would fucking ask me about my attire this late into the evening, but self-consciousness strikes whenever it pleases, not always when it makes sense.

Dave somehow sensed my thoughts, or maybe just a weird energy off me, but he leaned over right at that moment and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It eased my mind and I relaxed back into his arms, leaning my head on his shoulder.

Maybe half an hour later the doorbell rang and every single person on the couch jumped up to try and get it.

“Now, now, folks. This is my home and I’m perfectly capable of answering my own door.” Jake insisted, taking the initiative. Dave immediately yanked me back down into his lap at that.

“You just want to take care of the tip since I footed the bill.” Dirk said with a smug look. It was amusing to watch them bicker.

“Oh hush up, what do you know.” Jake waves him off.

“I see you itchin to reach for your wallet, English.”

“Will you leave me be and just, get some plates ready or something.” Jake sounded exasperated, but still like he was laughing so it seemed to all be in good spirits.

Dirk sat back down on the couch and just watched his boyfriend wander off for a moment.

“Hate to see him go …” Dave started, giving Dirk a knowing look.

“But love to watch him leave. Yeah.” The older blond finished, before shaking himself out of his trance as Jake turned the corner.

“Are we going to go set the table or whatever?” I ask, mostly looking for an excuse to stretch my legs.

“Dude it all comes wrapped in plastic or whatever. There is literally no reason to dirty dishes.” Dave says, nuzzling his face against mine.

“Also it would give Jake a reason to pull his excellent host schtick and insist on doing all the dishes and then I’ll have to fight my way in to finish them because like hell am I going to have him do all that on a date night.” Dirk adds.

“Fair enough.” I nod along.

Jake comes back with the food and we end up all eating in the living room. Jake and Dirk had the sense to sit on the floor and use the coffee table. Where as Dave and I just sat on the fucking couch like we would at home and did our best not to make a mess. All in all it was pretty fucking good, and I demanded to get Dirk’s paypal information when I caught a glimpse of the receipt. There was no way in hell I was letting that shit slide. They’d already invited us over. That was enough of a gesture without spending well over a hundred bucks on a group dinner.

Somehow I was permitted to browse Jake’s collection and pick the next movie. I wasn’t about to ask questions as to why, I just ran with the offer. If we had to sit through that first hunk of junk film, then I was going to pick something that had some actual fucking substance. Jake’s selection of romcoms wasn’t totally nonexistent, but it was damn close. If it didn’t have action, adventure, science fiction, or some kind of fantasy element, he didn’t own it. He claimed to love all movies, but there was a very clear preference.

I settled on Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock and despite almost everyone groaning at my choice, Dirk still popped it into the xbox for me and hit play. I settled back onto Dave’s lap, which he seemed a little surprised about. Nevertheless he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me through the whole thing. This time I was situated between his spread legs, which he draped back over my thighs, almost clinging to my back like a teddy bear or something. He had his head over my shoulder, but he most certainly was not watching the fucking movie. Almost the whole time he was nuzzling my neck and placing little kisses here and there. Fucking breathing across the nape, and even going so far as to tug down my shirt collar and leave a hickie just out of sight.

By the end of the film I was getting sort of squirmy but managed to maintain focus. I wasn’t going to let his shenanigans ruin my enjoyment or involvement in this cinematic masterpiece.

Jake didn’t get up and clap for this one, but I managed to not be offended. After all, he was the one who owned the fucking movie, so why should I care if he didn’t like it all that much.

“Alrighty. How about we take another break to stretch and look into some dessert?” Jake asks, standing up and reaching his arms up above his head. Dirk looked grumpy once more about losing his boyfriend to the allure of un-stiff muscles, and slumped over across the couch, resting his head on the arm.

“What’s for dessert?” Dirk asks, sounding more than a little mopey.

“I believe that’s for you to decide, pumpkin.” Jake taps Dirk’s nose with a finger and wanders off towards the back of the house. “Don’t mind me. I’m going to make a quick trip to the latrine.”

“Fiiiine.” Dirk heaves himself up and turns to face Dave and I. “C’mon bro, we’ve got some fucking baking to do.”

“What’s this we business? I never signed up for that.” Dave says while tightening his grip on me.

“Your boytoy helped pay for dinner, so it’s your turn to do something nice for the group and help out. Come on man. Up.” Dirk makes a single hand clapping kind of motion with both his hands, not unlike something a toddler might do.

“I can also paypal you for brownies or something-”

“Nah man. The time for that has passed and you know it. Let’s have some bro time in the kitchen and let our cinemaniacs chat.”

Dave let out a whine of protest and growled against my shoulder.

“Don’t make me come pick you up. You know I can still lift you.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare.” Dave’s head snaps up at that.

“Wanna bet?” Dirk crosses his arms, and apparently that’s enough to get Dave off his ass and moving towards the kitchen.

And just like that I’m left alone in Jake English’s living room. It’s not totally clear if I’m allowed to just take the xbox controller and play what I want, or if I’m supposed to wait for Jake to return. I don’t really get a chance to consider it, seeing as the latter happens a moment later. He waltzes into his living room, unfazed by both Striders’ absence, and sits down on the couch opposite me.

“Well that was some film, eh?” As if on fucking cue, he starts up with a comment about the movie. Dirk really did know his boyfriend all too well. We chat about it for a while and it’s a surprisingly better conversation than I’d initially anticipated. Jake admits that he’d forgotten he even owned that one and that it was a gift. It’s almost passed off as if he was embarrassed to have it in his collection, but nevertheless he seemed to have genuinely enjoyed it. We both pause in conversation when we hear laughter from the kitchen though.

In an instant Jake turns towards me and looks just ‘pleased as punch’, as I imagine he’d phrase it.

“Might I ask you something a bit personal?” He pauses only long enough to take a breath, but not long enough to really let me answer. “Don’t you find it just a tad humorous that the same bet that got me back in Dirk’s good graces also got you together with Dave?”

I stare blankly at him, waiting for him to explain further but he gives me nothing and just gazes off towards the kitchen, totally smitten.

“No offense, but what the actual fuck are you talking about? What bet?”

“Oh surely you remember. The evening you first met, I believe. Dave would have owed Dirk no small sum of money if he hadn’t gotten your number by the end of the night. Luckily it all worked out in the end. I suppose the moral really is to never underestimate the charm of a Strider, huh?” He cheekily jabs an elbow at me as if it’s all playful and easy. This is all fucking news to me though.

“What the fuck?” Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth before I can really even stop it.

“Mate, you seem less than chuffed. Did you really not know?”

“No I didn’t fucking know!” The more it started to really process, the angrier I felt. Dave fucking BET on me? I was some kind of prize to win so he wouldn’t be in fucking debt? Was any of this fucking real then? If that was true, then who was to say that there wasn’t a second bet with bigger stakes to see how long he could keep me around? Maybe Dave was doubling his money every month he kept it up and he’d cash in at the end once he was fucking done with me. How the fuck was I supposed to trust my own boyfriend? How much was a goddamn lie for a quick buck?

“Alright, let’s just settle down then, and I’m sure once it’s all told properly it’ll be just fine.” Jake said, holding his hands out and clearly trying to pacify me. I couldn’t bring myself to fucking care about that right now.

“No, I’m sorry. Fucking no! No! I’m not doing this!” I stood up and went to grab my coat. I knew I was being a little bit crazy about this, and wasn’t thinking rationally. I needed some fucking air.

“Babe where are you going?” Dave tries to walk towards me and it somehow just makes me even angrier.

“Don’t you fucking babe me! I don’t want to fucking hear it! Fuck you and fuck this date and fuck every festering asshole that had anything to do with this and never THOUGHT TO TELL ME!” I end up screaming as I throw on my coat and storm out of the apartment. I flip him off before slamming the door behind me, and stomp down the stairs towards my fucking car. Thank fucking god I left my keys in my fucking coat pocket. At least I can trust myself to do something goddamn right.

I almost slip on the motherfucking sidewalk and remember how shitty an idea it is to try and drive home angry in the fucking snow. I’ve walked in worse so I just start marching myself down the block to cool off. I hear a door slam behind me and I just cannot fucking wait to see who was brave enough to follow me out. I’d say place your bets now, but I’m closing the tables down. Cash in your chips folks and get the fuck out of the casino known as my social life.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

The door all but slams in my face and the last thing I see is Karkat’s middle finger as he disappears into the cold dark parking lot. What the actual fuck was that about? I swing around to Jake for answers, since there’s obviously nothing that Dirk or I could have done to set him off like that.

“Dude what the fuck did you do?” I start throwing on my jacket so I can chase my clearly enraged boyfriend.

Jake just shrugs at me and goes “Sorry I thought he knew.” He looks guilty as hell.

“Knew what?” Dirk asks, finally stepping away from the oven.

“Yeah, knew what exactly, English?” I bite. I’m instantly suspicious because Karkat doesn’t just flip like that for no reason.

“About that silly little bet you two had so long ago. I’m so sorry if I mussed anything up for you. I really-”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Save the apology for someone who has the time, English.” I bark, cutting him off there. The goddamn himbo of the century. Time to go do damage control. I catch Dirk sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose below his shades and I honestly couldn’t agree more.

I pick up the nearest thing I can find, which happens to be some bobblehead trinket Jake keeps on the shelf above his coat rack, and chuck it at his head. I turn away from him before I can even see if the projectile connected or not. It’s less about the aim and more about the outlet and he probably knows that too. I’d apologize later if I actually managed to bean him with it. I was just so fucking angry.

“You’re such a fucking idiotic asshole.” I all but scream at him before following Karkat out with a similar slam to the door. I briefly catch Dirk sounding disappointed, but don’t bother listening to what he has to say as I storm out. I all but slip down the fucking stairs and look around to see my boyfriend halfway across the parking lot wandering off.

“Karkat wait up!” I yell to him, but he just keeps walking. Of course he would. Fuck, I’ve never seen him this mad. I pick up my pace and start to jog off after him.

“Karkat come on, please. Let me talk to you!” I try again.

“Get bent, asshole!” He screams back, flipping me off again without even looking at me. I can see a few puffs of hot air rise up from in front of him, and I can just fucking tell that he’s smoking again. God this is bad. He was trying to quit and doing so fucking well. Shit.

The closer I get to him, the faster he seems to walk. I keep a small distance because I really don’t want him swinging on me, depending on what Jake said to him. Karkat makes a turn into a dimly lit alley behind the apartments, and I follow him. I really wish he’d calm down or even try to talk to me.

“What part of ‘fuck you’ was unclear, David?” Karkat asks, spinning on his heel to face me and flicking his cigarette on the ground before stomping it out in the snow.

“Would you please just tell me what’s wrong?” I stand with my arms out, almost begging him to assess and pick at me. I’d rather he tear me apart than give me the silent treatment. I need to know what’s going on in his head right now.

“What’s wrong. You want me to tell you what’s fucking wrong? I can’t trust you Dave. You fucking BET on me. I was nothing more than a motherfucking prize to you. Or rather, a way to avoid going bankrupt, right? Did you ever even CONSIDER how that would make me fucking feel?” He steps closer to me and I realize just how much this has him torn up by the look in his eyes. He hasn’t started crying yet, but they look strained and red. “Did you even think for a single second that maybe you should have, oh I don’t know, FUCKING TOLD ME? MAYBE?! God!” He punches the brick wall and almost immediately I can see his knuckles start to bleed. He doesn’t wince though, probably running on pure adrenaline by this point or numbed by the cold.

“K-Karkat I-”

“DON’T. Fucking. Don’t. Do you even know how hard it is for me to even talk to you right now?” He looked like he was about to cry and I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him and hold him and explain what the fuck actually happened.

“Would you please-?”

“No!” He cuts me off.

“Let me explain?” I continue, a little frustrated with him.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it Dave. What could you possibly say that could make any of this better? You weren’t even going to tell me about any of this shit, so how do I know you won’t lie to me if you answer any of my fucking questions? How can I be sure that you haven’t kept rolling over that bet or made others along the way? How can I be fucking sure that I’m not just some cheap payout from your gambling-addicted brother? I can’t believe anything you fucking tell me right now.”

“So because of one little thing, you think all of it was a fabrication? That I would just lie to you and keep up some charade for a fucking paycheck?” My heart is beating faster than I think it ever has, and it feels like I’m crumbling at the seams.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to think? That maybe I was lucky enough some asshole was genuinely flirting with me at my own shitty job for once? That he might actually give a shit about some fucking waitor he paid to get verbally abused by? Yeah, that totally checks out and doesn’t sound like a social masochist getting his fix. I don’t know why I ever fucking thought you could be any different than all the goddamn rumors Eridan heard. Why I should have ever believed a word you said? You’re just another asshole tearing through another heart as if it’s fucking paper in a shredder. You can’t just use people like that, Dave. You can’t just treat them like objects and price match them or gamble them away. Your actions have fucking consequences and you’re about to learn exactly what happens when you gamble with my heart.”

“Please. Please don’t do this. Karkat. It’s not at all what you think it is and if you’d just let me-” I stop talking as he steps towards me, and for a moment I really just hope he’s going to hit me. That he’d do anything at all really. He gets close to my face, nose to nose really, and just looks at me.

I can see all the hurt in his eyes and how red they are from the strain of him holding back his own tears. The way his brows are furrowed and his nose is ever so slightly scrunched in distaste. How it paints a picture of complete and total betrayal and all the hurt that it comes with. I never want to see him make that expression again, let alone at me. Fuck. I’m actually the goddamn worst for not explaining this sooner.

“You fucking bet on me, Dave.” He spits.

“I would only have made money if you’d like, slapped me or left or something.” I rush the words out fast, hoping he’ll hear them and understand.

“You think that makes it better? You fucking bet AGAINST me. You didn’t want to be with me. That’s what I’m fucking hearing right now.” He laughs in my face and the way it sounds is so broken and miserable. I hate that he’s laughing at his own pain. Even worse, the pain that I’m causing. “You’re digging your own grave here, Strider. You wanna explain? You wanna keep talking?”

His lips curl into a snarl as he asks the question. On instinct I glance down at his lips, and I realize how fucking guilty it makes me look. It’s not like I’m exactly innocent, but being this close to him is so painful and I just want to make the pain go away. I reach up a shaky hand towards his shoulder, but clench my fingers into a fist and drop it. I have to remind myself that I’m not welcome to touch him right now and, unless he calms down enough to listen, I may not ever be.

“Please, don’t go. Karkat, you know I love you.” I whisper as the first of my tears streams down my face.

“Have a nice fucking life, asshole.” He grits the words out, pushes past me, and storms off towards his car. I follow far enough that I’m out of the alley and crumple on the sidewalk to my knees.

I feel like I can’t fucking breathe. I can’t just-

“Karkat!” I shout out. He stops but doesn’t turn around to look at me. The tiniest sliver of hope runs through me, but I don’t let myself run away with it. I manage to get up and take a few steps closer to him on shaky legs.

“Don’t.” His voice comes out softer and shakier than before. I stop walking towards him.

“What can I do? Please tell me. There has to be something. Anything. To prove to you that I’m not just fucking around here. That I really do feel how I say I feel. Look, I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t tell you about the bet, but if you’d let me explain you’d see why.”

“You can’t just-” He glances over his shoulder and I can tell he’s crying now. “You don’t just get to apologize this one away. I need a fucking break. I deserve to have a boyfriend I can fucking trust, and right now that isn’t you.”

“How can I-”

“I don’t know! Okay? I don’t have all the fucking answers. I know that you fucking hurt me and I know that I need time to rethink some shit and I can’t do that if you keep-” He stops himself, seeming too frustrated to find the words. I notice the way his nails dig into his palms, like he’s trying to keep himself under control so he doesn’t actually swing at me or break down crying.

“Keep what?”

“Keep pulling me in like this!” He turns around fully and I can’t help the trip of a step I take forward again. “You always do this. Every time we argue, we just kiss and make up and you pull me in again. You say sorry and I forgive you just like that. I can’t keep excusing shit and I can’t fucking excuse this one. Not this time. This is the whole foundation our relationship was built on, was that fucking initial flame. And I just found out that whole flame was a fucking lie. A performance.” He sniffles and I know that he’s going to start sobbing any second now.

“So what then? We’re just … done?”

“Dave … I think it’s safest for us to both assume that it’s over. Maybe we’ll both hurt less in the long run.”

“If you’re breaking up with me, just fucking say it.” My eyes continue their unending assault of hot tears down my cold cheeks and I stare at him through the steam of my hot breath in the freezing temperature.

“I can’t.” He shakes his head and turns away from me. He crosses his arms over his chest like he’s trying to self-soothe and it’s killing me to be at such a distance both emotionally and physically.

“So it’s not over then?” It’s a hell of a reach, and I’m aware I’m scrambling for purchase on any branch he extends me, even if its fragile as fuck.

“Dave I can’t. I need time. Will you give me that?” He sounds angry again, but all I can do is focus on what he’s saying. That same hope bubbles up in me again.

“Anything you need, you can have. Just say the word-” I hesitate. I’m desperate, but I don’t care if he sees it. I’ll shout it to the whole damn neighborhood if he wants.

“And you’ll come running. I know.” He sighs.

“Will you let me walk you to the car at least?” I know this is pushing it, but I gotta at least try.

“I think it’d be best if you went back inside, Dave. Get your brother to drive you home or maybe just stay the night with him.”

“Ok.” I stand there and watch him walk away. It’s gotta be the most painful thing I’ve ever fucking felt, but at least I know there’s some slim chance I can fix things. I didn’t get to explain that the bet got called off and that Dirk gave me the easy out. All I can hope is that he finds the patience to hear me out, or give me even half a chance to make shit right again.

I continue to stand in the freezing cold, watching him pull out of the parking space and drive out of the complex. I stay put long after he’s driven away and let the echoes of everything he said sink in. This is officially the worst day of my life. I can’t help but think that maybe if I stand there long enough, my legs will give out and the earth will reclaim me. Freeze me to death and they’ll find me come spring thaw, right where Karkat left me. Maybe I'll grow into something that doesn’t hurt him so badly with my avoidant ass bullshit. I tell myself that maybe I still have too many issues to be any good for anyone in a romantic sense, and it turns into doubting my own self worth faster than I care to recount.

I recognize that I’m spiraling, and thankfully Dirk walks up behind me to pull me out of it. Right on time. Siblings could honestly be the fucking best sometimes, and nobodys better at reading me than Dirk.

“Bro, come back inside.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders and I fully crumple into his chest and start bawling. “Shhh. I know. You want me to carry you, lil man?”

“I think my dignity has been shot enough times today, thanks.” I mumble, turning and hobbling my way back up the staircase to Jake’s apartment. I can hear Dirk’s bootsteps right behind me and it’s a little nice to know that if I fell or slipped right now that he’d be able to catch me.

“You’ll make it through this. Trust me.” Dirk says as he leads me back into the warmth of Jake’s shitty apartment. I didn’t even want to fucking come to this tonight and now I’m wishing we’d just stayed home. I could have been in makeout city right now, but instead I’m slumped on the floor of my brother’s boyfriend’s apartment letting every ounce of water in my body ooze out of my tear ducts and wheezing from the strain of it.

Chapter Text

Dirk POV

“I don’t think I can take another week of this.” I tell Jake, rolling over in bed and smushing my face against his shoulder.

“Another week of what, plum?” He asks, petting my hair to comfort me. Fuck that’s so tender. I melt into it a moment before sighing and responding to him.

“This shit with Dave. I know he’s my brother and it’s basically my job to comfort him through this, but if I have to hear him whine one more time about how much he misses Karkat, my ears might actually start bleeding. The pitch is fucking atrocious. His voice hasn’t been that high since we were literal children. It’s a personal attack against my eardrums. I’m sure of it. The universe is punishing me for coming to him all those times and now it’s all going to pile on me at once. I’m paying for my crime of leaning on my brother too much when I needed him.” I know I’m being dramatic but I need to in order to feel better. Jake understands this and is being as comforting and helpful as he can be. He runs his hands through my hair some more and massages my scalp as he goes.

“Well that’s not entirely his fault. I’d reckon you or I might be similar messes if we went through a tiff that tough. Thankfully our tussles are over much less serious matters. And you know damned well that the universe isn’t punishing you, pet. You just get worn out quicker in a social capacity.” He turns my head to look at him and kisses my nose and looks at me as if my introversion is a quirk he finds endearing. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was in fact the case either.

“You’re missing the point though.” I groan before dropping my head back on his chest. “I’m tired of giving him an hourly play by play of how long it’s been and how it’s too soon to contact him to try and fix shit. Tired of telling him that he’s gotta let Karkat contact him first. I’m practically babysitting! Also the dude called out of work for five consecutive days and came home early the past three just to come lay on my couch and cry some more.”

“So you’re concerned about his finances then? Or he’s overstayed his welcome? Sorry, I’m not wholly following.” Jake pulls an errant hair out of my face and behind my ear as he gives me this furrowed brow, frowning, confused expression.

“It’s fine. I think my main grievance is that Karkat doesn’t have the whole story, and he won’t hear it from Dave. I doubt he’d listen to you or me either. Dave never fucking wanted the bet. I gave him an out and he literally called it off the first fucking night. In that sense, there was practically never a bet to be worried about in the first place. I know I’ve got problems with gambling, but shit, I wouldn’t let him play some poor dude like that for that long. I don’t care how high the stakes were. I’m also not that fucking loose with my wallet for fucks sake.”

“I’d certainly hope not.” Jake chuckles a little and the movement in his chest jostles my head. I take the opportunity to nuzzle against him just a little before letting out a soft sigh.

“I admire the fact that he wouldn’t take the fucking bet, honestly. I think that speaks volumes about just how much he gives a shit and how serious he was, and if Karkat just knew-”

“Why not go tell him yourself? You make an awfully compelling argument, pumpkin, he’s sure to hear you out.” Jake taps my nose and I roll my eyes with a little smile. He’s so fucking cute when he does shit like this.

“Would he even trust me? In theory, I am literally the cause of the whole problem. If I’d never dared Dave to begin with, there wouldn’t be any fucking bet to argue about in the first place.” I roll so that I’m facing the ceiling but my head is still over Jake’s pecs.

“Hush up with that. It led to us reconnecting and I couldn’t be happier. Don’t go on about that little blame game thing you do in your head where you act like everyone’s problems are your fault. You won’t know if ‘kat will listen until you try, right? Why not give it a go?” Jake runs a hand down my chest and only stops when it’s resting over my hip, so that he’s holding me where I am for the moment, arm draped entirely over me.

“I guess you’re right.” I hate when he’s right.

“I usually am.” He says, ever so proud and full of himself. I want to hate how attractive it is on him, but I just can’t deny it. An ego from hell, and the looks to match.

“Yeah, yeah. So in another hour, right?” I roll back onto my stomach, wrap an arm around his torso, and slide under the blankets a little more, cuddling in.

“Not so fast there, chum. You’d best get a move on with this or you’ll procrastinate right the hell out of it. I know you better than that.” Jake says while slipping out of bed and out of my reach. I huff and throw the covers over my head. I’m not ready to face the world just yet. It’s much easier to snuggle into a cocoon of weighted blankets and rugged boyfriend.

“None of that either.” Jake chides, ripping all the blankets off the bed. “Up you go.”

“You’re the worst.” I grumble at him, before conceding and sliding off the side of the mattress onto my hands and knees on the floor.

“Would you just stand like a person, you goose?” The way his voice carries a light laugh in it makes it even more worth the dramatic charade.

“If I’m a goose, then no, no I can’t. Though I’d still appear bipedal until I start flying.” I shift onto my legs in a squat stance and start waddling.

“Oh you-” Jake cuts himself off and lunges at me, knocking me over onto the floor. We roll and end up in a wrestle naturally. He pins me to the floor because I don’t really have the energy right now to fight back. Each of his hands is pinning down one of my own on either side of my head.

“This seems counterproductive to having me vertical.” I say, smirking up at him.

“As if you were being productive before.” Jake says, rolling his eyes at me.

“We could get … productive.” I say with a seductive wink, wrapping one of my trapped hands around what I can of his wrist. I roll my hips up to punctuate my meaning, and he squints at me.

“Now you know that’s not at all going to be productive to the task at hand.” He chides, holding me down a bit firmer.

“Maybe there’s a different task I’d like to have in hand.” I challenge, still laying on thick innuendo. I lick my lips for emphasis and blatantly gaze at his crotch where it’s resting on my body. It certainly doesn’t help that he’s wearing loose fitting boxers that peek open just a bit if he splays his legs too wide.

“You insatiable horny bastard.” He tsks at me, but makes no real commitment or refusal.

“That’s not a no.” I point out to him.

“It’s not a no …” He agrees, thinking on it a little before continuing. “How about you get this little katchat out of the way, and then you can run your tush back home to me? Sound fair?”

“Not in the slightest.” I allow a bit of defeat to show in my tone and let my head fall back so I can stare right up at the ceiling.

“You’ll take it though. I know you will.” He moves to get off of me and I make no move or show of intention to leave my spot on the floor. Defeated and thinking about how I’m really going to be rewarded with sex for doing something that I should just be able to do on my own without push.

Is that really going to work on me? I glance across the room to where Jake is pulling a shirt on and ogle him a bit more. God he’s so fucking perfect. Yeah, yeah I’m really going to be bribed with sex. I can live with that. I won’t admit it out loud, but I can live with knowing it privately.

It takes me another half hour of self control battles before I manage to get off the floor and dressed to leave. Some days were just meant to be lazy, and despite today being one of those days, I had shit to do that didn’t involve continuing to baby my little brother in his time of eternal moping.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about emotional support. I’d support Dave to hell and back if I had to. But the dude was downright depressed to the point of not wanting to try anything out of fear for the reaction. Nothing was going to change until someone talked to Karkat, and Dave sure as shit wasn’t in any state to explain, nor would it help since Karkat wasn’t sure if he could believe him or not.

As I’m about to walk out the door, Dave lifts his sad little head off the couch and peeks over at me.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.” I say, trying to pull the same shit bro used to on us, before internally cringing at the thought. He deserved a better answer. He also deserved a fucking shower but I wasn’t about to do that for him.

Lil man’s hair was all sorts of fucked up, shades on the table, frumpy shirt even more wrinkled than usual, eyes puffy and red from all the tears. Honestly even his voice sounded a little bit off because of all the crying he’d done. I wouldn’t doubt he was dehydrated, but getting him to eat or drink without his stomach growling or experiencing cotton mouth was like pulling teeth. It was depressing to see him like that and it sucked more to know there was next to nothing I could do about it.

Dave just stares at me a long moment before flopping back down on the couch and rolling over again. I feel bad for not offering a better response but I really am doing it for him with his best interest in mind.

“Don’t worry I’ll be back before 5. Promise.” I don’t get a response, but I knew I wouldn’t so I don’t wait for one either. Just close the door and get on my way.

It’s around 2pm when I actually show up at the apartment. Doing my hair and finding Karkat’s address without asking Dave took up most of the time, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also procrastinating a little bit. The complex looks about how I’d expected it. It’s only just occurring to me that I never knew where Dave’s boyfriend lived until today.

Once I find the right door, I make my way up the stairs and knock on it politely. I have no fucking idea what to expect, but somehow I’m still shocked when the door opens to show someone that definitely isn’t Karkat. I assume he must be the roommate.

“What do you want?” He crosses his arms over his chest and looks me up and down. “Not a salesman. Definitely not a door to door bible thumper.”

“Nah. Um, is Karkat home?” I need to talk to him.” His eyes light up with recognition for a second before souring once more.

“No.” He deadpans before slamming the door in my face.

I’m more than a little taken aback by it, but take a moment to collect myself before trying again. I knock again just as politely and he creaks the door open just wide enough to show me his face.

“Sorry, but Striders aren’t permitted on the premises at the moment, come back never.” He slams the door once again and I sigh. Alright. That didn’t go so well.

I back off the door for a bit and sit on the stairs, pulling out my phone.

TT: Hey.

GT: Done already?

TT: Not exactly. His roommate won’t even let me in to see him.

GT: Well thats rubbish.

TT: I know. He said something about Striders not being permitted. I guess Karkat is mad at me as well?

GT: I meant rubbish that he wouldnt let you in Dirk. You should try again.

TT: For all I know Karkat might actually be at work right now. Maybe the guy’s being an ass because he’s not even home?

GT: Only one way to find out, now isnt there plum?

TT: Do I really have to get a third door slam to the face before I call it a day?

GT: Three strikes and youre out, isnt it? I say give it the old college try at the least before you come home to sulk with your heartbroken brother.

TT: If I must.

GT: Thats the spirit pumpkin. <3

TT: Oh fuck off with the sarcasm.

GT: Hehehehe

With that, I pushed myself up off the staircase and returned to the door. I knocked the same as before, and waited for the door to be answered.

Yet again I’m met by the british guy with the black and purple hair.

“Ok. What part of ‘shove off’ is perfectly unclear to you?” He raises an eyebrow at me and all but barks the words.

“I just need to talk to him, man. Can you tell me where he is, if he isn’t home?”

“He doesn’t want to speak to you, or your brother for that matter.” I’m sure if it wasn’t so impolite, this guy would have spit at me. He seemed to be really disgusted with my presence.

“I can understand why, but I wish he’d tell me that himself. I’m not Dave and I haven’t done anything to betray his trust. I was rooting for him the whole damn time. Can’t I just see him for like five minutes? I just wanna make sure he’s doing okay.”

“He’s fine. Anything else?” He grabs the edge of the door and positions himself as if he’s about to slam it on me again. I can’t have that so I put a foot in the threshold and lean on the doorframe to hopefully prevent him from shutting it by putting myself in the line of danger.

“Can I just check on him? I’m trying to be a good friend and you’re makin that real goddamn difficult for absolutely no reason. We both care about Karkat don’t we? There’s no reason we can’t get along here.”

“You really do give a shit, huh?” The guy uncrosses his arms and puts them on his hips in an incredibly sassy way.

“Do you think I would be here behind my brother’s back if I didn’t give a shit?” I point out. He thinks it over for a minute that feels like it drags on forever.

“Fair. Fine. Come in. I can ask if he wants to see you but I can’t promise he’ll come out of his room.” He steps aside and lets me into the apartment finally.

“Better than nothing. Thank you.” I step inside and for once the door closes with me on the correct side of it.

“Shoes off at the door. Sit on the couch. I’ll see what I can do to coax him out.” Straight to the point I see.

“Thanks. And, sorry, what’s your name again?” I don’t actually remember being introduced to him, but it was better than letting on that I had no fucking clue who he was.

“Eridan.” He said, turning the corner and disappearing further into the dwelling. Damn, he really wasn’t here to waste any time. I could only imagine living with him would be a nightmare. Anyone who takes themself that seriously sounded like a real pill to be around.

I couldn’t tell what was being said, but I could hear muffled voices from the next room over. I also heard the occasional unmistakable meow. I’d seen a couple pictures of his cat before but also couldn’t remember it’s name. 2/2 perfect memory today Dirk. Nice going.

“Come on, just trust me. You won’t hate it.” A brief pause. “Okay, well, you might hate it, but you can yell at me later, please just come the fuck on.” Eridan’s voice comes out clear from the hallway. It sounds like he’s ushering Karkat out.

“A surprise that I might hate? How fucking wonderful. You know you really are just the goddamn best roommate ever. I can tell that you really get me and my tastes by your clear level of fucking confidence here.” Karkat’s voice follows. It’s weird that the last time I saw him was when he turned to give the whole room the bird at my boyfriend’s house. At least he sounded relatively fine. Like what I knew to be his normal self.

When he rounded the corner I realized just how wrong I was. A parade of first Eridan in his turtleneck and plaid pants, then a form draped in a queen size bed comforter that was muttering insults. Eridan stopped and just sort of waited for Karkat to look around and get a clue. He froze the moment he saw me sitting there and I just sort of gave an awkward little wave.

“What the fuck do you want?” He asks, sounding genuinely confused, but not really any more or less mad than usual. The guy seemed to just have a grumpy disposition. I hold my hands up plainly, signaling that I mean no harm.

“I just came to see how you were doing.”

“Well, you’re looking at it. How do you think I’m doing?” He spreads his arms out and looks as if someone draped a crucifix in ten pounds of plush and fabric.

“You look great in that blanket by the way.” I point at him and try to push some genuine cheer into my voice. I’ve gotten better at false compliments over the past week thanks to dealing with Dave’s state.

“Don’t lie to me. I look like shit. I feel like shit too.” Karkat drops his arms back by his sides and lets out a heavy sigh.

“You wanna talk about it?” I offer, raising an eyebrow at him. He seemed like maybe he was handling his shit way better than Dave and I could probably navigate this conversation without anyone bursting into tears or wailing at me. (Or wailing on me for that matter.)

“Sure.” He shuffles over to the couch and settles in beside me. His giant blanket cape takes up more than half the space but I’m not too worried about that. “So, what bullshit apology has Dave roped you into bringing over to me?”

“None actually.” Karkat lets out a bark of a laugh at that and shakes his head.

“Oho? So he isn’t even gonna fucking-”

“Dave doesn’t even know I’m here.” I interrupt, making sure that the situation is perfectly clear. I wasn’t just some messenger for their little dispute.

“Oh fuck. So you like, genuinely came to check on me then?” Karkat looks pretty taken aback and it almost makes me a little sad to see him so surprised that someone cares about him in any capacity.

“That’s what I fuckin said.” Eridan chimes in from the kitchen, apparently eavesdropping.

“Thanks douchelord, you can go back to your fuckin room now.” Karkat calls back to him.

I turn to glance in Eridan’s direction and all I see is a middle finger held up around the section of wall that separates the living room from the kitchen.

“I won’t be banished in my own home, thanks. I’m goin to Sol’s if you don’t need me here anymore.” The brit spits back. It occurs to me that maybe he’s just as sick of Karkat’s shit as I was of Dave’s.

“I never said you had to stay, fuckface. Go mack on your boyfriend for all I fucking care.” Karkat says it as if he truly doesn’t care, but lets it show on his face how sad the statement makes him feel about his own situation.

As someone who’s been in a hell of an on-again off-again relationship for a long fucking time, all I can really do is sympathize and do my best to not push it if he doesn’t approach the topic first. I’ve been where he is multiple times and I know how much it sucks.

“He seems like fun.” I mutter under my breath. Karkat laughs, catching it anyways.

“Always.” He rolls his eyes and readjusts his blanket so that he’s much more firmly swaddled. “He’ll take off, then we can talk.”

We both stay silent as we wait for Eridan to get his shit together to leave. The clamour of keys assures me that he’ll be gone soon. Apparently the only cue he needed to get the fuck out of there was a greenlight from Karkat. The only things he had to grab were keys, a coat, and his shoes, and he was gone with a gentle slam of the door.

Karkat and I both sigh once he’s gone and glance at each other.

“So really, how’s it been?”

“Mopey, boring, angry, sad, a fucking rollercoaster of shit. I still can’t believe he didn’t tell me about any of it. I’m not mad at you, by the way. I know that you started it, but Dave didn’t have to take the bet up and he didn’t have to follow through for fucking months. I feel like an idiot."

“Well you’re not an idiot. I know that may not mean a whole lot coming from a dude who got his throat slit open a month ago, but I can assure you that you’re pretty fucking smart.” I rub the back of my neck underneath the scarf I’ve been wearing to save people from the nasty sight that is fresh scar tissue, finally stitch free and bandage free.

“Thanks.” He doesn’t sound like he really buys it, so I try again.

“Seriously man. You immediately put pieces together as soon as you heard any mention of what went on. I gotta commend you for that. Dumb people don’t put two and two together that fast.” I let on in my tone just how impressed I was that Karkat really did try and solve the whole puzzle immediately. It made me think of how I used to wish Jake would put pieces together faster so we could get back together already and solve our own shit.

“What’s your point here? That I’m fucking right and Dave’s a piece of shit?” He furrows his brows at me and squints a little.

“My point is that you were jumping to conclusions, two plus two only equals four if two plus two is the whole equation. There’s a lot more in parenthesis here my dude. Can’t just ignore that shit.”

“I don’t have the energy for math. Can we cut the metaphor bullshit and get to the point where you tell me what actually happened so I can have some kind of epiphany and save you from the miserable sack of shit on your couch?”

“How did you-”

“I practically lived with him. You think I don’t know exactly how he gets when he’s upset or depressed? Let me guess. He’s been calling off work, he hasn’t showered or bathed, he won’t eat anything but takeout which is gonna fuck over his bank but he’ll ‘deal with it later’. Aaand he probably hasn’t been back to his own place because he lives alone and that would just be shit for his health.”

“Pretty spot on, yeah. I did manage to force him to shower yesterday, but I had to all but throw him in the bathroom and hold the door shut until he came out clean.”

“Wow. That’s, actually kind of fucking pathetic.” Karkat let out a little laugh and I couldn’t help but feel like maybe all hope really was lost for Dave here. I had to explain.

“Yeah … so you want that explanation then?”

“It’d better be a fucking good one.”

Chapter Text

Karkat P.O.V.

Dirk explains just exactly how everything went down. He goes so far as to flat out tell me that there’s pieces he didn’t even explain to Jake out of knowing his boyfriend has a big mouth. Apparently I get the full and complete scoop with not a single detail omitted. The unabridged version if you will. He tells me about how Dave tried to call it off, and never really wanted to go along with the bet in the first place. He essentially told me that he knew that Dave wasn’t going to make a move without a little nudging, and that their cousin Rose is hardly ever wrong about matchmaking. I had a bit of a harder time believing that one for more personal reasons. I explained to Dirk how I don’t think there’s such a thing as “matchmakers” and that any two people can work out, but that it takes effort and commitment and a fuckton of trust to make it last. He agreed with me and tried to make a case for Dave and I having all of those things, and how this whole thing was just a miscommunication.

I appreciate that he agrees with me that Dave fucked up and should have told me about everything. But of course he points out that this bet or lack thereof happened well over six months ago, and that he’s seen how Dave has changed since then. That bit struck me as odd, but Dirk explained the kind of fuckboy Dave used to be versus how he was now with me, obviously more happy and stable than he’d ever been, etc, etc. I can’t say that I wasn’t flattered to have helped him change for the better, but I wasn’t ready to make amends until Dave approached me and gave me an apology. If not for the bet itself, at least for not telling me about it. I wanted a kind gesture and I wanted him to put himself back together first.

Talking to Dirk was weirdly like having a pseudo-therapy session? He was surprisingly rational about things and never made me feel like any of my concerns were invalid. It was sort of nice to have a mediator, but at the same time I recognized that I shouldn’t have needed one. It was pretty stubborn of me to not hear Dave out when he literally was begging me to. There was a lot that I needed to work on as well, and that Dave and I had to sort out.

“Fuck, and here I was moping around all fucking angry and miserable and he really did just need to explain. I’m such an asshole.”

“You both are. That’s probably part of why you’re so good together.” Dirk chuckles a little, seemingly fond. It makes him seem more smug than necessary.

“Yeah yeah. I get it, you’re in our fuckin corner. I guess I’m just so used to dating assholes that I let the thought get to me that he would be just like all of them were.” There was a heavy amount of guilt behind that statement, but I chose to bundle myself tighter in my comforter and be honest about it anyway. Shits not easy to talk about.

“That’s understandable. It’s okay to find yourself in ruts or patterns like that. I think what matters here is recognizing them and finding a better way to talk it out next time, rather than running straight to breaking up. Just a suggestion though, I’m not here to tell you how to cope.” I want to accuse him of sounding smug this time, but he doesn’t. He sounds like he’s trying to help, and I’m being called out on my bullshit that I don’t want to face. That’s really what’s happening here.

“No you’re right. Fuck you for being right though.” I grumble just a little before relenting. It’s time to stop being mad.

“That’s fair.” Dirk laughs at that.

“So what should I do?” I ask, not totally sure where to go from here.

“What do you want to do? I could very easily play the messenger and relay what we’ve talked about, but I get the feeling you want Dave to get his shit together all on his own.”

“Yeah … yeah that would be preferable actually.” I push my hair back and realize just how fucking gross it is. Apparently I’d also need to pick myself back up some. Starting with a shower for sure.

“That won’t be easy.” Dirk says, like he’s exhausted and very unexcited about the challenge ahead. I hadn’t considered that he’d have to do all this extra work. I would feel bad, but they’re brothers and I can only assume that’s what siblings are for? Probably? Being an only child doesn’t offer me a lot of perspective on the topic.

“Oh I know. Well, I can imagine at least. I don’t mind waiting a few days if that’s what it takes.”

“What exactly am I allowed to tell him? I have to have something to work with to get him up. He doesn’t respond all that well to the idea of taking care of himself so that he can figure out a way to make things right. He deems working and hygiene a waste of time and I’ve never felt more like I was living with a basement scientist in an 80s movie.” Dirk throws his head back over the arm of the couch. I just sort of brushed it off as ‘All Striders are dramatic’ and let it be.

“Yikes. Okay, well I wouldn’t tell him that you came to talk to me at all. He’d probably just accuse you of trying to solve his problems for him and nobody fucking needs that. Maybe just tell him that you have a hunch? That could be enough?” It’s not like I knew the exact extent of what Dave had been saying or doing this whole time. I had my own shit to deal with too.

“A hunch.” Dirk seems to mull over the concept.

“Yeah, how convincing can you be about that sort of shit? Should we pin it on Rose maybe?” I suggest.

“Nah. We don’t have to lie to him. He might believe me if I say I have a hunch that you were willing to talk to him again. Can’t promise he won’t try to just message you right away or grill me for more information, but I can assure him it’d be best to talk to you in person.”

“That sounds fine then.”

“If he asks for more information though?” Dirk tilts his head so he’s looking me in the eye over his shades.

“You saw me at the grocery store.” I blurt out, sort of using it as a catchall excuse. Dave might have picked up on that one, but even so, he had to know that there’d be a reason for keeping things quiet.

“Got it.” Dirk stands and stretches, signaling he’s about to leave soon.

“Might be smart to buy some actual groceries to back that up, and maybe to make sure he eats something more than takeout.” I bundle myself tighter in my blankets on the couch and grab the tv remote.

Dirk shoots me a finger gun as if to say “you’ve got a good point” and takes off after that. Mawkin finally comes out of the bedroom and curls up by me, purring his little heart out. We pull up Netflix and eventually pass out on the couch to the background noise of Pride and Prejudice.

Dirk P.O.V.

After a quick run to the store, I make my way back home. I grabbed a handful of comfort foods I‘d remembered us having a lot as kids in hopes that he would start to eat something other than mcdonalds and chinese. At the very least I was pretty sure I’d be able to get him to sip down one of the capri sun juices.

I walk through the door and find Jake sitting on the floor in the living room, chatting with Dave. The way he glances at me has a very “help me out of this” feel to it, but I can only do so much with two arms loaded up with plastic bags. Making my way into the kitchen, I take my time setting all the shit down and putting it away, just in case they needed time to wrap up whatever discussion had Jake looking like that. I’d relieve him from his post in a moment. For now, it was time so slap some pizza rolls in the microwave and get a Strider middle school lunch put together.

It takes all but two minutes of them being hot enough to smell before Dave notices and calls out from the living room.

“What did you get?” He yells from the couch.

“Get your lazy ass up and come find out, ace detective.” I call back with a shake of my head and a half smile.

“I know what it smells like ….” I hear the telltale sounds of him rolling off the back of the couch and landing with a groan. “But it couldn’t fucking be.”

Dave walks into the kitchen and I glance at the bag that I left on the counter in plain sight.

“MOTHERFUCKING TOTINOS?” He yells like an excited kid, which is to say just way too fucking loud for any kind of ‘inside voice’.

“Nice to see you somewhere other than the couch.” I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against the counter. “Hungry?”

“I’m always hungry for pizza rolls bro, you know that.”

“I do.” I nod in agreement right before the time goes off. I turn to open the microwave and Dave almost beats me to it, hovering over my shoulder. Jesus christ. Like a dog when it wants a treat, almost.

When he finally processes my response he squints at me. “Fucking clever, asshole.”

“You weren’t eating well, and this may not be much better but it’s at least cheaper.” I reason. It doesn’t matter though because Dave’s already snatching the first roll off the damn plate and popping it into his mouth regardless of how hot it is.

“You wanna sit at the table maybe? I’ve got some good news too.”

“Yeah?” Dave snatches the plate and hunches over it like some kind of pizza roll goblin before moving to the table. “What’s up then?”

“You can finally get off your ass and make a move.” I state it plainly, and naturally it goes right over his head.

“Haw haw, very funny. I think you achieved that with the pizza rolls.” He shovels another two in his mouth. As if I’d only just blinked, somehow half the plate is fucking gone already. Dude’s gonna have some digestion issues if he eats them all that fast.

“I mean towards making up with Karkat.” That gets him to stop for a second and actually chew his damn food. He gives me an extremely fake smile and fake laugh to accompany it.

“Dirk if you’re attempting standup, gotta tell you this set up better have a good punchline.” He wags his finger at me and shakes his head along with the sentiment.

“Nah. I’m serious. Ran into him at the store.” I made a mental note to confer with Jake over the cover story for my trip out this morning.

“Okay, and that makes you think he’s gonna listen to me or want to see me ever again? He went grocery shopping? That’s it?” Dave deadpans and runs a greasy hand through his even greasier hair.

“Obviously we had a conversation at the fucking store, Dave.” I roll my eyes at him from behind my shades.

“Well what did he say?” I can read him like a book and I know that he’s eager to know what went down, but he’s trying to tone it back to retain some semblance of self control.

“Can’t tell you.” I make a motion like I’m zipping my lips.

“What do you mean you can’t tell me?” Dave stuffs the final pizza roll in his mouth and squints at me. “You saw him at the store, had a whole conversation with him, and you can tell me about that but not what he said?”

“I can’t tell you what he said verbatim. I can tell you that you have a chance to fix this shit if you stop moping and get yourself together.”

He visibly perks up at that. Just the kick in the ass he needed. As the realization sinks in, I can see his expression change from excited to loathing just how badly he let himself go. He needs a shower, and a haircut, and at least another week's worth of full shifts to make up for what he missed. He knows it too.

“Bro …” He starts but I already know he’s going to apologize and ask for more help. I walk closer and rest a hand on his shoulder in understanding.

“Yeah man, we’ve got you. But you’ve gotta make a plan and do the heavy lifting yourself. All I can do is some of the cosmetic shit.”

“I figured.” He nods and fidgets with the pizza roll plate like he wants to get up and take care of it.

“Where do you want to start?” I ask, stepping back to make room for him to get up.

“Tomorrow?” Dave meets my eyes as he stands, and for a brief second I think he’s going to hug me. He doesn’t though.

“That’s a ‘when’, but fine.” I give him a small smile and head back towards my room. Jake joins me on the way and pinches my ass as his entire wordless greeting. It only then strikes me that we have unfinished business from earlier this morning, and suddenly I feel like running the rest of the way down the hall. I grab his hand and lace our fingers together and he brings our hands up to his lips to kiss my knuckles.

Dave must catch some piece of the interaction because he calls out from the kitchen “I’m just gonna take the rest of the totinos and go take a nap in my own bed.”

“No worries bro. Come back if you need to, you know where the spare key is.” I call back to him before disappearing into my room.

It takes no less than three seconds for Jake to spin me around, pin me to the back of the door, and start kissing me. Fuck. It’s so alluring when he’s eager and a bit aggressive like that. I really do have the hottest boyfriend on this godforsaken planet.

Dave P.O.V.

I did not want a single thing to do with that bullshit or hearing them dick the fuck down. Not exactly a nice evening activity for my depressed ass, newly motivated. Was I actually going to take a nap? Probably not. I haven’t been sleeping much at all except when I pass out from sobbing like a fucking child. Even then it’s only about three or four hours before I wake up again and continue to feel as miserable as before.

I get home and take some deep breaths as I look around. It’s not like Karkat left much of anything at my house really, it was more about the fact that usually if I was home in the middle of the day it was because he was here and we were both off work. It was sort of weird to spend time off at my own place these days. I bypass the kitchen and living area entirely and head straight to my bedroom. I may not be tired, but I at least want to lay on something more comfortable than Dirk’s couch if I’m going to mope and be lazy.

It’s hard not to be lost in my head right now so I don’t even try to fight it as I space out again. So, Karkat’s ready to work on shit? That didn’t take as long as I thought it would. Then again, I thought he would hate me forever since I really am that piece of shit that broke his trust in a major way. There’s no excuse for my bullshit, and really that extends so much further back than just my interactions with Karkat. I keep trying to explain shit away and all it does is make me feel less guilty for doing it. And even then, it’s only marginally less guilty. I still feel like shit for my garbage actions and I just keep letting it happen as if one day I’ll magically have grown up and learned how to be mature and responsible and all that. I’m such a fucking fool.

I know that looping that train of thought isn’t going to help me a whole lot but I can’t help it. I’ve got to get it out of my system so I can work on shit in a healthy way, right? That sounds like something that’s probably supposed to happen. I can never be sure, so I decide to pull up some youtube videos on how to handle your emotions or whatever. Even if they don’t fix shit entirely, it’ll help me feel a little more in control to be actively doing anything at all to make a change. Who knows, maybe I’ll find something revolutionary for me.

Maybe an hour or two later I finally get bored of watching mindful psychology youtube videos. I don’t particularly feel wiser, but I feel a little less depressed and that’s gotta count for something. I also recognize that if I want to make any fucking changes that I need to hold myself to it. That’s some shit I’d definitely been avoiding. I check the time and it’s about 7pm. Probably too late to get anything substantial done, but I could probably take a shower and clean up the apartment some. Maybe even get some ideas going for what I want to say to Karkat when I do finally get to approach him next.

I could handle this. Shit was going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to fuck up again now that I knew there was a chance in hell that I could make it right.

The next morning I actually went to work. I got a little bit of shit from the station manager about being gone so long, but I could tell it was mostly joke-y in his shitty old man sort of way. He also poked fun at my hair being a fucking mess, to which I just side-eyed our host who literally had like a foot of long curly messy hair. There was no reason to take their bullshit to heart today.

That being said though, I knew that I needed a haircut anyway, so I swung by a barber shop after my shift. I’d been letting it get shaggy for winter and it was just past time to get that shit cleaned up. I was starting to look like a Cobain wannabe. Afterwards I made my way to Dirk’s for dinner. When I got there, he immediately asked how my shift went, and was pleasantly surprised to hear that I got through it without even trying to leave or hiding in the bathroom to break down. I was pretty proud of myself for it too, so I was bragging just a little bit. The small achievements first, then we could get on with the big shit like making up for being a horse's ass.

Dinner goes well enough. Jake doesn’t seem to be home, which is weird to me if only because the whole time I was couch crashing he was here. So my brain wired him in as a permanent installment in Dirk’s apartment because of that. We chat a little about how shit’s going with them, and then about our next sets for Blow-Out. I hadn’t been thinking about our music in a hot minute because shit had been going so well that I wasn’t worried about changing up the set or making new mixes. The moment Dirk brought it up though I realized just how stale things were probably getting for the regulars, no matter how we spun that night.

We agree to work on some new mixes and show each other at the end of the week to see what sticks and what we’ll toss or revamp. It feels nice to get back into the swing of things and work on something more enjoyable. Honestly today’s felt better than pretty much all of last week.

“So what are you going to do to apologize?” Dirk asks, seemingly out of nowhere.

“You mean to Karkat?” I ask, tilting my head a little.

“No to me, obviously. Yes to Karkat.” Fucking Dirk and his sarcasm.

“I haven’t figured that part out just yet.” I admit. I’d been coming up with small ideas but nothing seems like it would matter to him or mean anything more than some cliche grand gesture. And while cliche romance is absolutely his ticket, I don’t want to try and bowl it over with some sappy crap he’s going to punch a hole through by pointing out that it’s nice but doesn’t mean anything to either of us. I want it to have significance. I just have to think harder on what I can do that’s gonna really show him I pay attention and care. Too bad we had our first kiss on a curb by a fucking dumpster.

“That’s fair. It’s only been a day. I just know you’re usually the idea guy so I figured I’d ask.” Dirk shrugs and keeps on eating.

“I just wanna do something that will be important to him, you know?” I sigh.

“I’m sure the apology and your explanation will be what’s important.” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“Well yeah, but I don’t wanna just apologize on the fucking sidewalk or something. You know me. It’s gotta be a grand gesture of some kind. I need to put in work and really show him just how sorry I am in a number of ways all at once.”

“Dave Strider, you really are the flashy gay of the family.” Dirk teases me and I frown.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m shit with words and I think we both know that by now. I want to do something nice for him that shows that I care since I’m probably gonna fuck up the apology.” I spin my fork in the pasta on my plate and stare at it. It’s easier than admitting my flaws with eye contact.

“And you’ve got nothing so far? What about your first date or something? Somewhere he’d been talking about wanting to go? A detail he holds close that you paid attention to?”

“Our first date was in a fucking Starbucks. The official first date was a shitty Vidar football game. Our first kiss was in the back alley of Blow-Out by the dumpster. None of those are exactly good places for making up in a big way. They’re both just a little too public and that dumpster is rank.”

“Wow. You’re really good at romance, huh?” Dirk pokes fun at me yet again. His tone reminds me of the ‘why’s that guy so good at bowling’ vine and I can’t help but smile.

“Would you fuckin, be serious here?” I try, and end up laughing a little anyway. “I really do need to come up with something better though. Something romantic for him but not like, movie cliché to the point he’d think I was acting something out for him.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but my boyfriend and I find wrestling and hiking to be romantic activities so I’m probably the last person you should ask for cliché advice.”

“I know. That’s why I just need to keep thinking on it.” I finally stopped twirling the pasta and took a bite instead. I should probably eat the majority of what’s on my plate at the very least.

“Let me know if you need any help with setting up whatever you decide on. Since I sort of instigated the initial offense, I’m happy to help you mend it.” Dirk offers.

I just nod and dinner carries on relatively calm after that. We watch an action movie and have ice cream on the couch, before I head back to my place to get some decent rest for work tomorrow again.

All in all it’s a pretty fucking nice night and for the first time in a while, I sleep like a baby for a full eight hours.

Chapter Text

Dave P.O.V.

About three days after Dirk told me that Karkat was ready to work on things, I finally came up with an idea. I can’t say for sure it was going to be perfect but it definitely felt right to me and that was what mattered. I rushed home to Dirk’s from the studio, the ice finally starting to melt enough on the sidewalks that I could skateboard most of the way without issue. The chill air was actually really refreshing today too. Maybe it was just my excited energy, or it really was the weather, but it felt like things were starting to look up as a whole. I could do this.

I burst through Dirk’s door without warning. Maybe not my best idea since I catch him and Jake making out on the couch, but at least that was all they were up to. Everyone’s clothes were still on and that’s what mattered.

“Bro, knock first? Maybe?” Dirk groans from his spot under his boyfriend. Jake’s buried his head into Dirk’s neck, probably out of embarrassment or frustration with having been interrupted. I simply do not give enough of a shit to humor them today though.

“Nope. I’ve made a plan and I need to tell you about it right now.” I plant myself into the living room chair, which really was my only option with the couch fully occupied. I’m not a complete asshole so I give them a minute or two to adjust and sit the fuck up from their previous positions before I launch into the details.

“Okay, so what the blast is so damned important that you needed to barrel in here like that?” Jake asks once righted.

“I figured out how I’m going to apologize to Karkat and I’m going to need your help to do it. So are you in?” I feel like I’m practically bouncing out of my seat at this point.

“Well I’m gonna need a lot more detail than just that before I can promise anything. So what’s up? What exactly are you gonna need from us?” Dirk scratches his neck and twists it side to side to crack it.

“Well okay, so it’s gonna take at least two days to set up completely but I promise it’s perfect.” I gush. “I’m gonna set up a picnic on the roof of my apartment building-”

“The one we’re banned from strifing on?” Dirk then squints at me.

“That would be the one, yes. But we’re only banned from strifing, not picnicking. And it’s not like the landlord will ever find out if you stand guard, right?” I say with a ridiculous amount of conviction in my tone, trying to get Dirk to agree to it without asking him outright.

“You want me to fight anyone that comes up the fucking stairs? Or would I be buying you time to make an escape down the side of the building spiderman style in the middle of winter with Karkat on your back?” He deadpans.

“Okay so neither of those sound like good plans, but really I’d just want you to keep watch and convince anyone that tries to come up there that they shouldn’t bother.” I slide my legs to the side to hang off the arm of the chair, there was no way I could sit still and not fidget while I was this excited about something. Fucking ADHD am I right?

“And me just hanging out in the stairwell won’t seem suspicious at all?” Leave it to Dirk to find a way to poke holes in any plan I come up with literally ever.

“Maybe? Will you do it anyway?” I groan, not wanting to agonize over the maybes. We could be at this all day if I let him come up with too many fucking weird scenarios.

Dirk takes a long pause to think about it before sighing and nodding a little. “Yeah, okay. Fine I’ll do that for you.”

“Fuck yeah.” I cheer.

“Now, if I may ask, why the devil is it going to take two or three days to set up a simple picnic?” Jake chimes in.

“Because we’re going to make it nice and decorate it well and set up a gazebo thing in case it snows or something and hang lights from it. Trust me, I’ve got the details drawn up in my sketch book and it looks fucking amazing.” I assure them.

“Can I make one request about the ‘bouncer’ situation?” Dirk puts a single finger up to illustrate his sole request.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I will only do this for you if you promise not to do anything really fucking stupid like trying to have makeup sex on the fucking roof.”

“WHAT? Are you fucking kidding me? I wouldn’t even dare! Why would you-”

Dirk just breaks out into loud laughter and Jake chuckles a little beside him.

“Bro, chill. I’m just yanking your chain. I’d hope you’d head back to your apartment if it did come to that anyways. You’re smarter than that.”

“Yeah. I also can’t even be sure if Karkat will even forgive me despite all of this, but I have to at least try.” I sigh and sit properly in the chair again.

Everyone in the room stays weirdly quiet and it doesn’t exactly ease my mind, but at the same time I don’t know if Dirk is at liberty to say anything about where Karkat is at mentally or whatever. Maybe they just don’t know what to say? Jake is kinda awkward like that when it comes to giving romantic advice as far as I can tell. As if on cue, he gets up and walks off to the kitchen, probably to start something for dinner for them since it’s about that time.

I shake it off and decide to press on and keep telling him more details about what I have in mind for the rooftop.

“So we’re also gonna need charcoal and a little bonfire that won’t put us at risk of actually lighting a fire or whatever. Safety first of course. Because it’s a picnic we’re gonna need sleeping bags or blankets or both. Something to keep us warm if the fire isn’t enough. Extension chords for all the electric pieces of course. I wanna get music up there somehow whether it be like a stereo or bluetooth or record player or what. I wanna be able to dance with him if it goes well.”

“That’s gay as fuck bro.” Dirk says while resting his head in his palm.

“I sure fucking hope so.” I roll my eyes at him. “It’s a little bit reminiscent of what he did for my birthday. He set up this blanket fort in my living room to surprise me and we watched movies and he put lights in there and shit. It was so goddamn cool. I wanna try to emulate and amplify that night.”

“Well, seeing as I wasn’t there for that, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.” Smug bastard. I mock him in a whiny little voice, scrunching my nose the whole time and making ugly faces.

“Wan ther no fuckin clu talkin bou- trust me, its fucking peak and ill be the final judge on if its good enough, so we’ll find a way to make it work.”

It’s quiet for a long moment before Dirk speaks up again.

“You know if this works and you end up proposing someday you’re going to have to one up yourself at that point and do something even bigger than this.” Right as he says it, Jake walks past and perks up at the sound of it. I can’t tell if Dirk notices he’s there, but seeing that reaction tips me off immediately to the fact that Jake’s been considering marriage. The guy was basically an open book with text to speech on, in terms of his expressions.

“We’ll cross that bridge if and or when I get to it. Gotta make this up to him first and see if he’ll forgive me at all.” I reply, trying to keep my focus on Dirk.

Jake leans over the back edge of the couch where Dirk is sitting, resting his head on my brother's shoulder even. “Just give us specifics of what to get and I’m sure we can get it sorted for you. There’s nothing we can’t accomplish when we put our minds to it. And after all, I did sort of play a major part in messing this up for you, so the least I can do is lend a hand in how you plan to untangle it.”

“Thanks man, but it’s really not your fault. He would have found out eventually. I wish I’d been the one to tell him about it, but realistically I had all the time in the world to do that and just fucking didn’t.” I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I know I fucked this one up for me and I’m ready to own to that.

“Very mature of you.” Dirk comments, nodding a little in approval. It might be the proudest he’s sounded of me in months, and that only solidifies for me that I’m doing something right. Regardless of how it turns out, I can know that I did the best I could.

“Thanks man. I’ll get all the finer details picked out and text you guys a list of stuff to get over the next few days if that’s okay? I’ll pay you back of course.” I assure them.

“Don’t worry about it. Just send us the info and we’ll handle this.” Dirk says. Jake puts his hand on Dirk’s shoulder in a reassuring way and I watch Dirk reach up to grab his hand and hold it. They’re so fucking sweet to each other. I think for a moment how glad I am that they worked their shit out. It takes a moment before I recognize that I’m staring just a little. Fuck.

“Alright well then I’ll see you tomorrow probably?”

“Yeah man, just try to send a text before you barge in next time maybe?”

“Noted.” I nod.

The next few days go as according to plan as I could have possibly hoped for, and when the evening finally arrives I’m nervous as all fucking hell. The roof looks goddamn amazing. We managed to create a space that I can only really explain as ethereal, existing outside the realm of reality. We got the tent gazebo thing to cover the space, the lights to hang up around the spot. Better than a real bonfire, we got a space heater shaped like a bonfire. Plenty of blankets and comforters that would be able to keep us plenty warm during the evening. The record player that doesn’t have to be plugged in to a source but actually runs on batteries so that I can play vinyls for him. I made sure to pick a few albums that I knew were special to him and that he would really like.

I spent the majority of the morning being anxious about asking him over, only to get an immediate yes. The rest of the day was spent throwing in final touches and picking out what exactly we were going to eat. Whether or not I wanted to try and bring wine up or if that was too presumptuous. I eventually settled on a rose that I figured would be acceptable because it was on the cheaper end for wines and a red wine that would go well with the steak and chicken I’d spent hours marinating and then cooked for us. This was a stupidly fancy picnic, but Karkat deserved it.

When I say that I spared no expense, I literally mean that I also had candles of his favorite scents lit around the place to add to the ambiance and burnt some incense around the area to make sure that the whole place would be somewhat permeated with pleasant smells to really make it seem like it wasn’t just a shitty rooftop. I had thought of just about everything I could to make sure the experience was nothing but pleasant. I even picked out a fucking suit to wear. I mean a real suit. Not just a button down and some nice slacks, but the coat and vest and everything.

All I had to do now was settle on what I was going to say to him and have somewhat of a speech prepared. I had it all buzzing around in my skull but I needed to get it pinned down in some kind of decent order and make sure I had it worded decently. I really couldn’t afford to fuck this up any further.

Karkat P.O.V.

After sitting on my fucking ass the past few days, weeks, fuck knows how long it’s been since Dirk was at my apartment because time keeps dragging its feet through the proverbial mud, I finally got a message from Dave. It was a lot shorter and more to the point than what I was expecting, but that’s not a bad thing by any means. I expected him to be pouring his heart out to me via text and instead I got a very mature, very polite request to meet and talk in person. Since I had nothing better to do than sit around and wait for him to get his shit together, I responded immediately.

If Dave wanted to see me, then I’d be more than happy to meet him wherever and hear him out. I was plenty calmed down by now. It didn’t mean that I’d completely forgiven him, because he needs to understand how he fucked up and own to it. It did mean that I was giving him a chance though, and that made me nervous for some fucking reason. I probably didn’t want him to fail. Maybe I fucking missed him. Guess we’d wait and find out. I wasn’t really allowing myself to have big emotions about the potential of the night until I got to see exactly where Dave was at.

If I had to guess, he was probably just going to take me on a walk or have me sit down in his apartment or something so that we could talk things out. That was fine. I could handle that. He’d said to meet him around 7-ish and it was still winter, so I made sure to grab a coat that would keep me warm enough if we did end up going on a walk. I wasn’t about to give him any excuses to ‘be a perfect gentleman’ and lend me his coat or anything.

Really I was just a fucking mess. Look at all that shit. I clearly can’t make up my damn mind on where I stand with him at the moment. And with all the uncertainty I’m experiencing can you fucking blame me for being a mess? I wonder for a second if I should sort my own shit out first, but then it just circles back into me being unsure due to multiple potential outcomes of this time away from Dave. Hell is real, and it exists in my mind when I have to gauge how I should feel versus how I actually feel.

Enough mental rambling though, it was time to get the fuck on my way to Dave’s for whatever it was that he had planned for me tonight. I was dressed pretty plainly in some slacks, a little nicer than what I’d wear at work, and a thermal shirt that buttoned down only a little at the neckline. It was going to keep me warm and was a comfort to have. Naturally the big coat mentioned before was part of it, my snow boots, and a hoodie for under the jacket because it was really fucking cold.

I drove to his place and didn’t give myself the chance to freak the fuck out or change my mind about being there. I parked, got out of the car, and went straight up to his apartment without another thought. The cold was pretty good at distracting me so that I could only think about the sting on my fingers, after realizing I forgot gloves like an idiot.

When I finally make it to his door, I wrap the material of my sleeve over my knuckles and knock gently. My fucking pulse starts going apeshit almost immediately. Of course I couldn’t make it through the night without flipping out about seeing him again. Dave answers the door so quickly it’s as if he was waiting right there on the couch for me to arrive.

“Hey.” I spit out, sounding way more anxious than I’m even aware I’m feeling.

“Hey.” Dave responds in kind. He isn’t wearing his shades. I’m immediately locked on to his eyes because of it.

“You … gonna let me in?” I ask, trying to gauge exactly what he has in mind.

“Hm? Oh nah, follow me. I have something to show you before we get to the talking, if that’s okay.” He makes a motion with his arm and steps beside and then around me to head back towards the stairwell. I tilt my head a little in confusion but follow him anyways. As I do, I really start to take in his appearance and realize he’s wearing a fucking suit. I’ve never seen him in a suit. It’s kind of nice actually. I make a point to not stare at his ass, despite the fact that I know no one will see me doing it or notice or care. It’s about the principle of the matter. He can’t be gawked at until he apologizes.

“Dave where the fuck are you taking me?” I ask as we pass the elevator platform and head towards the stairwell itself, apparently heading upwards. He holds the door for me at least so that’s also something.

“Just trust me. I promise it’ll be okay.” He says as he starts making his way up the spiral staircase. I can’t help the scathing comment that comes to mind, and before I realize or can even attempt to filter it, it’s slipped out.

“Trust is what got us into this whole mess in the first place.” I huff. I immediately regret it because I know it’s a sore subject and it even pangs me in the chest to have said it at all.

“Okay then, just humor me, will you? Please? Let it be a step towards regaining trust maybe?” He offers his hand back to me as if he’s asking me to hold his hand while we ascend these stairs. That is stupidly unsafe so I brush off the gesture and keep moving in the direction he was leading me. He seems to be fine with that for now.

“Fine.” I grumble under my breath. He takes strides to make sure he’s ahead of me again and continues to lead me up and up and up. I have to assume whatever it is that he’s taking me to is on the top floor of the building because there’s no way he’s taking me to the fucking roof in the middle of winter.

We get to the last loop of stairs and I can tell that we’ve passed the top level. So actually yeah, he is taking me to the fucking roof in the middle of winter. I’m thinking of all the ways I could tell him off about how fucking stupid that is, when he opens the door to the roof access.

I get a gust of wind that would have made me shiver, if I hadn’t just been sweating in three layers of clothes up the fucking stairs in a heated building. In retrospect I should have expected that. What I hadn’t expected was the view. Before me, Dave has some kind of magical garden set up here and it’s so fucking beautiful. I start to wonder how long he was working on it, but quickly settle myself back down. I can’t forgive him just because he made the roof look really cute and cozy and nice. I have to hold my ground until he starts talking, no matter how much I want to throw myself into his arms right now.

But goddamn, I’m going to gush about it for a second, because it looks like he took someone’s winter garden pinterest board and plucked all of the perfect details from it to make something so specifically tailored to me and him. The lighting is subtle and the bulbs on the string lights are shaped like little stars which only makes them that much cuter to look at. If I were any less mad at him or any less strict on myself and my own emotions right now, I might be in complete and total awe.

I step further into the area he’s set up and take a spin just to really take it all in. I then turn back to face him. He’s beaming like he’s just seen something amazing. His whole expression lit up like it was on New Year’s Eve. It’s unfairly adorable and I have to look off to the side to tear my eyes away and keep my cool.

“So what do you think?” He asks, hands in his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

“It’s really nice.” I try to keep my tone flat.

“I’ll admit I was hoping you’d like it a bit more than that.” He looks extremely nervous again and glances around like he’s looking for something to be wrong with it.

“Okay yeah, it’s fucking gorgeous. But if you think that you can win me over with some cute decorations on your roof, you’d be better off going back home right now.” I don’t mean for that bit to come out as snippy as it does, but I guess it serves the purpose.

“No, no. I just, … wanted to take you somewhere special and I know our special places are like, … a dumpster and your work. So I created a new one for you. At least, I hope it’ll be special.” Dave explains. The way his cheeks tinge pink and his eyes try not to linger on mine for too long, it’s all very telling. He’s also fidgeting with his hands in front of him now, and I’m almost positive he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

“So …. Are we talking up here then?” I ask, trying to move on. I won’t feed his hope until he apologizes. I can see the little flame of it there in his eyes and I need him to make shit right before I can fan it to full fire.

“Yeah! Yeah. If you’re alright with that.” He answers quickly and gestures to a padded spot on the ground like he wants us to sit.

“Dave. No offense. But I know you won’t be able to sit still and have this conversation. Do you just want to say what you have to say, and get it out of the way?” I try and succeed in keeping my tone just flat enough that he can’t tell what I’m thinking behind it. There’s a small voice in the back of my mind that makes a comment about it being easier to kiss him if we’re both standing too. I scrunch my nose a little and dismiss the thought because we’re not fucking going there just yet.

“Oh. Yeah, that’s fair. Thanks for thinking of me.” He gives an awkward finger gun point at me like he’s trying to be charming in some capacity. It’s ridiculous and somehow still manages to succeed in making me smile a little.

“So?” I urge him on, waving my arms a little to motion for him to keep talking.

“Fuck. Okay um- Sorry for swearing. I guess let’s just-. I’ll just start now, yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair and messes up the little coif that he’d managed to get in place. He then panics over that as well, trying to sweep it back in place. The secondhand embarrassment is palpable in the space between us, and I can’t help but crack a wider smile and scoff a little.

He must catch sight of it because he smiles as well and takes a deep breath.

“Alright. Karkat.” He puts his hands out stiffly in front of him, like he’s setting down an invisible box. Or maybe like he’s poorly mimicking a robot? I’m not sure.

“Dave.” I mimic his arm motion, and he groans and messes up his hair even more by running both hands through it. It’s a little bit funny to torture him like this.

“Why is this so fucking impossible? Why can’t I just talk to you?” He says, obviously more to himself than actually asking me.

“You could start by apologizing.” I say, stepping closer but still maintaining a polite distance and keeping my hands safely tucked into my coat pockets.

“You’re right. I know that. And you were right to be upset with me in the first place. I fucked up bad. I should have told you everything from the start, but because the bet was called off, I just hadn’t even thought about it. I was so wrapped up in being with you that I didn’t think it would matter. I didn’t consider your feelings about it. That was 100% my bad, and if you give me another chance I promise I won’t hurt you like that again.”

He takes a pause and I say nothing, because he still hasn’t delivered the words I’m sorry. Until I hear those, I won’t say a single thing to him. He takes it as a sign to keep going.

“Karkat, without you-... without you I’ve been a disaster. I’ve felt like half a person. Constantly missing something, and that something is you. I never want to make you feel uncared for or lied to ever again. And if you need to scream at me again to get it all out, I’ll gladly listen. I’ve been an idiot and a jerk, and just about every name in the book, and for that I am so very very fucking sorry. God. And not sorry that you found out, but sorry that I was too stupid to think of it any way aside from how I had. Sorry that I was being selfish and sorry that I wasn’t as open as I could have been from the start. I will do anything to make it right for you. Just say the words and I’ll do it, Karkat.” At this point he’s grabbed my hands and is holding them in front of him, but neither of us have stepped any closer to one another.

I’m almost in tears over it, but I hold his gaze. He keeps trying to glance away and it shows just how guilty he feels. I hate that he feels like this, and I hate that both of us being stupid caused all of it. I start to shake my head and tears stream down my cheeks. Dave slowly lets go of my hands, taking it as me giving up on him or turning him down.

“You’re so fucking stupid.” I tell him, wiping tears from my eyes onto my sleeve.

“I deserve that- oof.” I cut him off from validating the insult with a forceful hug. I throw my arms around his neck and practically suffocate him with how hard I'm squeezing him. It tips off his balance and we topple onto the ground, thankfully avoiding knocking anything over and landing on a semi-cushioned blanket.

“Karkat?” Dave asks, seemingly in shock.

“You’re not completely forgiven but I do accept your apology, and I’m sorry too, you fucking asshole. Now shut the fuck up and kiss me already before I cry some more.” I let out a little hiccup of a chuckle and push myself up to look at him. My eyes are bleary and I’m smiling wider than I can remember ever smiling.

He pulls me down to him and kisses me like I asked. Despite what I’d said, I start to cry even harder. I really am just a blubbering mess when it comes to large emotional situations that don’t call for anger. And despite there being a smidge of residual anger at Dave for the whole thing, there was mostly just longing. There was an intense and overwhelming sense of missing someone so bad it aches in your chest day in and day out. Maybe you know what I mean.

When we finally pull apart, we’re both gasping for air and panting, even though it was a closed mouth kiss. I just couldn’t seem to care enough about breathing to stop pressing my lips to his.

“Would you do me the honor of picnicking on the roof with me?” Dave asks, breathless and dazed. It’s too fucking cute.

“Yes. I’d fucking love to. What did you bring for us?” I ask, climbing off of him finally and sitting up like a normal fucking person. Thank fuck no one else was around to see that mess of and emotional explosion. I’d be embarrassed to hell and back. Maybe the roof wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

The first thing I notice when I pull myself away from Dave is that despite my warm coat, I’m fucking freezing. I grab some of the spare blankets that are stacked neatly, and pull two of them around myself. Dave pulls a picnic basket out of the corner, like a genuine fucking wicker basket with the flip lid and everything, and starts to rifle through it. He pulls out a couple wine glasses and gets up again. Over to the side there is a pile of snow in the corner that he’s placed two bottles of wine in, as an impromptu ice bath. It’s kind of hilarious and I can’t help the chortle that makes its way out of my throat.

“You really did all that?”

“Of course I did. You’re worth it.” Dave replies easily. He pops one of the bottles open and pours me a glass of rose. I don’t recognize the label which can only mean it’s really fucking cheap or really fucking expensive because my workplace only carries mid-priced wines apparently.

It smells kind of light and sweet though, so I can’t be all that mad. I take a small sip and it’s pretty decent. I glance over at Dave who has taken a considerably larger swig from his glass, and he’s grinning at me from behind the rim of it when he catches me looking.

“You like it?”

“Yeah …” I trail off, smiling and holding the glass closer to me. It’s just so fucking cold and the reality of this being a make up date is sort of hitting me.

“Something up? You wanna talk about stuff more?” He picks up on it immediately and there’s a small part of me that wishes he hadn’t. While it’s nice that he’s genuinely being more attentive, he also won’t let me dismiss my lingering thoughts for us to instead have a nice night of reconnection. I set my glass down carefully and nod.

“We probably should talk a little more, yeah.” I let it show in my voice just how much I’m metaphorically dragging my feet about this.

“You sure you want to?” He laughs a little, just to keep the tone light I’m sure.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get the talking out of the way so we can have a better night.”

“You got it. Where do you want to start?” Dave asks, setting his wine down as well and pulling out a sealed platter of assorted fruit and cheeses. Of course he’d have some kind of charcuterie board for us. That’s so fucking cute.

I take a deep breath and the first thing out of my mouth is “I missed you.” He looks at me knowingly and leaves room for me to elaborate.

“I missed you and I was so mad for a stupid amount of time, but really? It wasn’t entirely your fault. It was a lot of shit decisions and situational lack of clarity that led us to that fight. I’m sorry too. I should have let you talk to me on that date instead of flipping out so harshly. I was a sad lump on the couch so fucking often when I wasn’t at work, and it felt goddamn pathetic. All I wanted to do was contact you, but I told myself I couldn’t until you apologized. I- ….” I trail off, dropping my hands after animatedly gesturing with them the whole time.

“You’re stubborn. It’s alright. I can be too.” Dave says. It makes me wonder when the fuck he got so wise, even if that’s not exactly a hard observation to make. “We’re just people. We’re gonna have fights every now and then. If watching Dirk and Jake’s mess of a relationship has taught me literally anything, it’s that communication fixes most misunderstandings.”

“Yeah, I still just wish that I had given you the chance to communicate there. That was kind of mostly my fault.” I can’t bear to look at him while admitting that, so I fiddle with the blanket and look down at my hands.

“Hey, don’t go trying to take all the blame here. We both failed to communicate at different points. We’re equals here and we both had a hand in the problem we created. And regardless of who gets blamed for it, we’re here now aren’t we? We’re talking it out and we’re working on ways to move through and past it and strengthening shit.”

“Fuck you for being so smart about this shit.” I sputter, before I can really think to catch it with any sort of verbal filter. I know it sounds fucking mean, and maybe a little bitter, but at least it was honest.

“Woah. What’s really up, Karks?” He looks at me with such a soft concern, I can’t fucking take it and I start to cry again.

“You’re just so fucking put together about this! It feels weird. Nobody’s ever done this sort of thing with me before and it’s fucking weird. I don’t know what to say or do and I feel so goddamn small and like, dumb for all the shit that went down. Like we’re minimizing it.” I wipe the tears from my eyes with the blanket and cocoon myself a little tighter inside it, trying to self soothe.

“Oh. Woah, hey. Come here. Trust me, I’m not as put together as I seem. I’ve just been mulling over what I want to say so I’ve got it like, prepared and shit. Is it too scripted? Am I making a total ass of myself?” He scoots closer to me and rests a hand on my back gently.

“Just fucking, be yourself, okay? All this mature ass conversational whatever the fuck feels more like an interview than like, talking to you.” I can only imagine how fucking stressed I look.

“Is it the suit?” He asks, and I can’t tell if it’s a joke to lighten the mood or if he’s actually insecure about wearing the nicest thing I’ve ever seen him in.

“No, the suit is nice. God it’s so nice. You look great … Can we just be fucking normal for a bit?” I ask and when I meet his eyes again, he’s so much closer to me than I realized.

“Yeah. Yeah, totally. Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” He rubs my back a little as he says it. He’s being so goddamn caring and I can’t stand how cold and alone I feel.

“Great, apology accepted, now get in the fucking blanket with me and stop holding me outside of it. I missed you too much to have this distance bullshit.” I grumble, but honestly I’m relieved that he dropped the act so fast.

Dave and I shuffle a bit to adjust everything without spilling any wine glasses or knocking anything over, but eventually he’s pressed against my side and we’re cocooned together. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, focusing on getting my breathing to calm and the ache in my chest to feel less like a solid heavy lump. It works pretty well and Dave wrapping his arm around my back to hold me certainly helps a lot. Once I feel more composed I speak up again.

“I’m glad that we both learned a huge life lesson from all this and that we can work on shit together, but I’d appreciate it a fuck ton more if you presented it like yourself and less like you’re giving a speech for a class. I want it to feel as genuine as it can, and it feels inorganic when it’s all stiff and shit. I just want you, Dave, as yourself.” I give him a small kiss on the cheek and watch lovingly at the way it makes him blush just a little.

“Yeah. I was so nervous I sort of scripted it in my head so that I wouldn’t forget anything. But you’re right. It feels weird when I do it anyway. Fancy phrasing doesn’t mean shit if it makes us both uncomfortable.” I feel him sigh at the end of his statement and he sort of relaxes his body language after that.

It’s quiet for a long moment as we both just sort of warm up together and take in the calm and ease of being cuddled up.

“So, I brought cheese.” Dave says, gesturing towards the platter.

I can’t help but fucking laugh. It’s so ridiculous. “Yeah, you sure did. Cheese, and wine, and fruit.”

“Yeah!” He perks up and reaches for the fucking plate again, popping it open finally and offering it to me.

“This is really fucking cute, but please tell me you brought something that constitutes as a real meal also?” I say, while tossing a grape and a little cube of cheese into my mouth.

“You mean this isn’t totally satisfying? Absolutely filling? The pinnacle of a complete and balanced dinner?” He glances dramatically between me and the platter as he picks off a couple things for himself to snack on also. It’s so fucking comical and cute, I can’t help but roll my eyes and kiss his cheek again.

“So what did you bring, then?” I pick up my rose again and take a much larger sip, hoping it’ll help calm any of my residual nerves. With the combined aftertastes of the cheese and fruit it’s somehow even better than on its own. Kind of nice. I wouldn’t say I’m normally the biggest fan of wine, but this is nice.

Dave pulls the picnic basket closer and sort of rifles through it for a moment, apparently fighting with a container that he just barely managed to fit in there. He opens the tupperware and no small amount of steam comes out once the lid is off. He really made a hot, home cooked meal for us to share up here? I take a closer peek, leaning over his shoulder and almost start drooling right then and there. He’s got a couple of bacon wrapped somethings in there and whatever it is smells fucking delightful.

“Chicken or steak?” he asks me, as he pulls out two plates and sets of silverware.

“Is there enough for both?” Holy fucking shitttt.

“Yeah, of course babe.” He sets both our plates with two little bacon wrapped delights. I really don’t fucking know what to call these at this point, and pulls out another container afterwards. “Any sides?”

“Fuck, what is there?” I’m practically crawling over him at this point, but his cooking is phenomenal and I’d honestly forgotten to have dinner before coming to see him.

“Potatoes, gravy, biscuits, carrots, uhhh, asparagus. The works.”

“Holy hell. You’re really trying to spoil me here, huh?” I feel my stomach rumble and get mildly embarrassed by it.

“All of the above, then?” He asks with a light laugh as he goes about setting his own plate.

“Yes please.” I sit back and let him make everything all fucking nice and just sip my wine impatiently because goddamn. Holy shit goddamn. I guess the way to my heart really is through my fucking stomach.

Once he hands me a plate I swear the next five minutes are a blur of pure bliss. Everything is exceptional. The cold air doesn’t chill any bit of it all too much because of how quickly I’m shoveling food into my mouth. You’d think I’d been starved with the way I was acting. It would be embarrassing if not for the way Dave practically swallows his plate whole in much the same fashion. There’s a few moments where we make eye contact while chewing that are sort of, charged? There’s something there for sure. It feels normal and nice and by the time we’re done eating it almost feels like nothing ever went wrong between us in the first place.

I rest the plate on the ground near the little bonfire shaped heater and lean back against Dave’s shoulder once more. Looking around the little tent he’s set up is just so peaceful. The string lights aren’t too bright so it’s nice and soft and cozy. I start to space out a little, staring off into the distance.

Dave brings me back from it by resting his head against me and placing his hand over mine, not quite holding it yet. It takes a moment for me to realize he’s got a little vinyl player set up and the soft sweet sounds of one of my favorite albums is playing in the background now. I’m not really sure when he pressed play but I still start to hum along regardless, lacing my fingers through his and squeezing a little.

I can’t help but think back to our first kiss. I have no fucking clue why this would remind me of that, since there’s a distinct lack of dumpsters or noisy club nonsense. Nevertheless it’s a fond memory and it occurs to me that this will also be an amazing memory someday. Something small and warm flutters in my chest at the thought of that.

“This is nice.” I admit.

“Yeah, definitely better than a back alley.” Dave chuckles.

“You were thinking about that night too? Our first kiss?” I sit up a little and look at him.

“Yeah. You were too? Fucking wild. We must be telepathically connected or something.”

“Oh shut up.” I roll my eyes at him and relax back into our cuddle.

“No, I'm serious. Karkat we could be onto something. Maybe we’ll be able to send messages to each other with this new power we’ve cultivated. We could be like some weird kind of hero couple or some shit.” He prattles on.

“I don’t know how many people we’d save by talking to each other without words.” I squint and raise my eyebrows.

“Fine, fine, but it would be revolutionary. We could be studied for science! Maybe we’re both being exposed to radiation right now and we’re gaining powers together.”

“Dave?” I ask him, turning my head in his direction.

“Yeah?” He turns to look at me and we come just about nose to nose.

“Shut the hell up.” I say it affectionately, and I can only assume he knows that.

“Make me.” He shoots back, glancing down at my lips before meeting my gaze again.

Oh.

I mimic the action, and lick my own lips. Fuck. Okay. This is fine. We’ve kissed a million times before. Everything is fine. I literally have no fucking reason to be nervous about this. Why am I nervous about this? We both falter for a moment, the weight of everything hanging in the air and the faint scent of alcohol between us as our warm breaths waft over one another.

I’m not even sure who fucking moved first, but we end up in a very sloppy very needy kiss. It’s all tongue and teeth and force and pressure and everything I’ve damn well missed and needed. I accidentally nip at his lip a little hard, and he gasps, but when I try to pull away to see if he’s alright he just plunges right back in and keeps making out with me. It’s incredibly intoxicating, and I find myself just going with the flow of it and threading my fingers into his hair.

When I start to clue back in again, I realize I’ve crawled into his lap and am straddling his waist. He’s holding my back and the blankets are miraculously still draped around my shoulders despite all this. The music in the background has changed songs and I recognize “Heavenly” by Cigarettes After Sex because it’s literally one of my favorite songs. I match my movements to the pace a little bit, before pulling back for air for a second.

“This is my favorite song.” The words come out almost in a single breath and we’re both smiling wide at each other.

“Yeah? You wanna make it our song?” He suggests. It’s not the worst idea, but the timing is all sorts of fucking wild.

“One thing at a time, babe. Just kiss me again.” I’m too worked up to worry about anything else right now.

I can tell Dave wants to say something like “you don’t have to tell me twice” but he doesn’t get the chance to, with my lips covering his almost immediately. I’ve missed making out far too much and I need to make up for some of that lost time.

Dirk POV

GT: Hows it going? Been able to discern any fun details from the other side of the door? Tell me everything.

TT: I told you before, I’m not pressing my ear to the door to listen in on them. There are some things I just don’t want to accidentally happen to hear from my little brother.

GT: Right. Fair enough. Need any company guarding the stairwell then, plum?

I mull it over for a moment, thinking about how bored I am versus how likely it is that Jake would distract me or draw undue attention to the stairwell. I am supposed to be making sure no one bothers them after all. Right as I’m about to type out my reply to him, I get a new message from Dave.

TG: hey shits good youre free to go if you want well be heading down soon and can clean up the rest tomorrow

TG: leftover food and wine if you and jake wanna sneak up in about half an hour to collect

Well that makes things a lot easier. I quickly type out a response to Dave first, since it’s probably the most pressing that I get out of the stairwell ASAP for them. Definitely don’t wanna get caught being guard detail.

TT: No thanks, but enjoy your night. Glad it went well. Congrats lil man.

I reopen the conversation with Jake and can’t help but grin. He’s sent a few new messages since I wasn’t immediately replying.

GT: I promise I won’t start any shenanigans.

GT: I can be a perfectly inconspicuous guard detail when I want to be.

GT: If I’m honest, I just miss you and I’m bored out of my mind Dirk.

GT: Won’t you let me come hold your hand at the very least?

TT: It’s fine. I’m done here. Do you want to come pick me up? We can go for a late night walk and hold hands if you’re down for that.

GT: I’d be over the moon for that. See you in five shakes of a lambs tail.